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I was doing some mining with lights off . I could see well in dark . However , something got screwed up . It was like fucking hell . Good thing that game didn 't crashed or deleted some files required for game . After some time it seems stable , but results are horrible . . . I almost thought Herobrine will come behind me during corruption ( but . . . he doesn 't exist still : P ) . And additionally , sorry about this giant amount of panic talk . It seems it 's just GPU issue . Not big problem . NOTE : THIS IS NOT ACTUAL CORRUPTION AS IT WAS . Video Codecs went too buggy and it caused this damage . I 'll try to fix this corruption , but it will be 1 , 8 GB file , not sure am I able to upload it , would take . . . . 2 days of non - stop upload . His lips were very dark - almost black - and his teeth were a disgusting yellow , as if they 'd never been brushed . His feet were absolutely putrid , especially his toenails ; they were yellow from fungus . He had talons instead of fingernails ; they were very dark at the tips and got progressively lighter . He had a lot of scars ; they were very noticeable and stood out from his pale skin . I can remember staring at them a lot . They had a red tinge to them . The biggest scar was on his arm ( if I remember correctly , it was his right arm ) . It was HUGE and stretched all the way from his shoulder to his elbow , as if his arm had been sliced in two length - ways at some oint . It bulged out from his skin like you 'd see if someone didn 't take proper care of a wound and it healed incorrectly . The other scar was above his left eye . For the most part , it was covered by hair , but you could see a glimpse of it ; it went diagonally towards his left ear . It stopped just short of his eye . Anyway , I had a two - hour conversation about Boa with my mom this morning and wrote down some things that I found interesting or didn 't remember . This was the first time in a while that I 've asked about Boa and I was surprised at how much my mom remembered . Her first response after my asking was , " Those were terrible times . " It took some coaxing , but she eventually started revealing more and more as the conversation progressed . I was about five or six when Boa first came around . My mom said tht before I started playing with Boa , I kept asking , " Why does the man keep following us , " and continued doing this for some time before I finally introduced the man as Boa . She felt that my cute childhood personality changed almost immediately after that ; I began cursing like a sailor and having vicious temperament issues ( throwing objects , yelling / screaming , spitting at , and biting , apparently ) . I really don 't remember any of this . The strangest part , she said , was that I began injuring myself . I would take knives and scissors and cut into my arms and legs . That was part of the reason I had to be checked out by doctors . They explained it as attention - seeking behavior and my parents were instructed not to give in to certain things but to only reward my good behavior and to ignore my bad behavior . Shortly after that was the couch being sliced to bits and gutted . My mother seemed very baffled on the phone about how everything happened . For the most part , my parents blamed the odd occurrences in our house as a little kid starved for attention . My dad is a very scientific man who is not religious at all , while my mom does indulge in the possibility that some things simply can 't be explained . At one point , she wanted to get me and the house blessed , truly believing that a single child couldn 't do all the things that were happening . As far as " Boa stories " go , my mom had three very distinct memories that involved Boa . One time , she came to check on me in my room and could hear me clearly talking to someone and a muffled sound that always followed . She opened the door to see me mutilating my toys and she , horrified , told me to stop and go downstairs . At that point , I turned my head towards her and demanded she shut the door . She told me no , and to come downstairs . I screamed , " Shut the god damn door . " Cue the front door slamming . She said that scared the piss out of her . The second Boa story was about the cat . My mom decided that she would start to embrace Boa and began to indulge me that he was there . She 'd open doors for him and would pull up an extra seat for him . She even started setting a place at the dinner table for my imaginary friend . She said I would always laugh and say very demeaning things when she did nice things for Boa . My mom remembers inviting Boa to join us for dinner one night and I was shrugging , looking at the corner and asking Boa if he 'd like to come eat with us . I suddenly stood in silence , as if listening to a response , cringed , asking , " Gross , do they even taste good ? " I then looked at my mom and very nonchalantly said , " No , mom , Boa only eats cats . " It was her cat that she found outside , mauled to death . She said it looked as if he 'd been sliced to bits with a knife and had been gutted . At that point she thought that Boa was the Devil or I was in the process of becoming a serial killer . My personal favorite , and the last my mom had , of the three stories , was one day when my mom driving me home from day care . I had gotten kicked out for using my play scissors to cut a little girl 's hair nearly completely off ( her parents ended up having to buzz her head ) then biting the shit out of her . I got in the car and was all smiles and songs as my mom berated me up and down . She asked if I had something to say for myself and I replied , " Yeah , I 'd like some mother fucking ice cream . " My mom , very pissed , said there was no way in Hell I was getting ice cream . I then started talking to Boa and laughing hysterically before I began saying , " Poppity pop pop , Mom . Poppity pop pop , " louder and louder each time . She asked what that meant and I responded , " Boa says you 're a bitch and he 's going to pop your tires . " Not five minutes later , we were on the side of the road with two flat tires and had to wait for a tow truck to come get us . About a week ago , I made a post in regards to a childhood imaginary friend I had named Boa . Since then , things have gotten . . . weird . I started to have these dreams . . . no . . . no , you wouldn 't call them dreams , really . . . whatever they were , they were about Boa . They get more vivid each time I have one . I started to remember things from when I was a kid . Things I suppose I repressed . I had asked my parents to retell stories of Boa in hopes that they would bring up funny memories and laughs . They seem to hate that I remember . They 've started to argue again , worse than I 've seen in some time . I thought if I just stopped and tried to forget , t would all go away . . . but it 's not . I 'm starting to get the feeling that Boa wasn 't an imaginary friend . . . I 'm just not sure where to go from here . I was trying to figure this out the other night while on the phone with my mom ( who 's become extremely reluctant to " indulge " me anymore ) . I remember being told that Boa was forbidden . I know I kept talking to him in secret for some time after but this just made Boa increasingly angry . Things in my house got really bad with arguments and yelling . I can remember having a really tearful talk with Boa , telling him he wasn 't allowed back anymore . Boa wasn 't pleased and made threats . I can remember the conversation and having this intense pain , like someone suckerpunched me in the gut . After that , nothing . I have quite a few holes in my childhood memories . The ones that involve Boa seem to be the hardest to recall . " Boa just seem demonic to me . Call it a gut feeling . You have any more specific details you can give about him ? Things he said ? Did he talk you into that strange behavior or did you just naturally start doing it while he was around ? Sorry if you 've already answered those questions . I wasn 't around for the first Boa thread . " Boa would egg me on a lot and I tended to mimic what he said . Say my mom wouldn 't give me something . He 'd tell me what to do to get it : scream , yell , throw yourself on the floor , grab the chair and throw it towards her but not hidding her - those types of things . Then , when she 'd give in , he 'd always smile and say something along the lines of , " Stupid bitch , " and I 'd usually laugh and repeat , " Yeah , stupid bitck . " I 'm not sure what you 'd like to know when you say , " more details , " though . As far as saying that Boa was demonic . . . well , it just breaks my heart . Boa could be very terrifying at times , with his stories and actions , but I have many fond memories of him . He was my best friend . I can remember being picked on and coming home in tears , hiding under my bed from everything . Boa would crawl under and tell me that " little cuntpickle isn 't worth your tears , " and how he 'd grow up poor and alone while I 'd be a prince . He 'd wipe my tears and we 'd play in the backyard . During the 2010 Halloween update , Notch momentarily had an alternate download link available from the development blog . I decided to update from the blog , rather than let Minecraft update on its own . I simply extracted all of the files from the Winzip file to the game . I was about to leave for an out - of - country trip , so I ( unwillingly ) had to extract the files , shut down , and leave for Europe without trying the new features . I returned two weeks later and forgot about Minecraft for a while . I needed to do a project for my Mass Communications class , though , so I wanted some somber melodies to accompany it . Instantly , I thought of Minecraft 's bleak tunes and went digging into the Minecraft . ogg files . I chose calm2 . ogg for the presentation , but I stuck around to listen to the other songs . In the ' resources ' file , there was a folder , all on its own , entitled simply , " New Folder . " I opened the folder to find " ashes1ashes . ogg " and played it in Audacity . There was nothing really heard , just silence and faint clicking noises . I sent the song to a fellow Minecrafter who works professionally with sound editing , but they didn 't find anything . I eventually started to play Minecraft again , for the first time in a month . The game updated and I played all night , making portals to the Nether and messing around . I wanted to listen to ' ashes1ashes . ogg ' again , but the folder had been removed upon Minecraft updating . I found the file in my e - mails and downloaded the attachment back onto my computer , this time throwing the song with the other music files . That 's when everything went downhill . I opened up my world to find everything on fire , including myself . My hearts would run out , refill , then run out again . Everything was on fire : the grass , the water , even the pigs and chickens . I tried reloading the world several times , but everything still burned . I deleted the world and created a new one , but that world was on fire as well . I decided to explore a bit and tried playing through a day . It was upon sunrise , the time music generally starts to play , that I heard it . It was a man , humming a melody , clear as day . I listened to it , through the cracks and pops of the fire . It wasn 't any recognizable tune , just something a father would hum to a sleepy child . Halfway through the song , the humming started to break up into a bit of a sob . Finally , the song cut off abruptly and the game shut down . There were no pop - up warnings or title screens . The world was deleted , too . I searched for ' ashes1ashes . ogg ' on the forums , to no avail . I checked the blog and noticed that the alternate download link I used on Halloween had been removed . Then I googled it , producing an angelfire page with two links : ' ashes1ashes . ogg ' and ' ashes2ashes . ogg . ' The first song produced the same sounds as the ones I had - silence and clicks . Hesitantly , I listened to ashes2ashes . ogg . It seemed to pick up where ' ashes1ashes ' had left off . The humming turned almost directly to complete sobbing . The sobbing turned to silence , and and at the end the man spoke something in what seemed to be another language . When I was a kid , I lived in a small , ugly yellow house . I can 't remember much else about it . I kind of went into shock and forced myself to forget . My parents were murdered . I was found unconcious in the woods nearby , clean and unharmed . Or , that 's what I was told . I could never remember it . No matter how hard I tried , I could never remember any details before waking up in the arms of some doctor or ambulance driver . I was never allowed to go get my stuff , because apparently the murderer destroyed everything in the house . After that day , though , I had nightmares . Terrible nightmares of a tall , red - eyed man in a suit carrying a scythe and of a dark forest in blood - red light . Every other night , I would wake up in a cold sweat , screaming . I was sent to a psychiatrist for it , but there was never any explanation or solution given . Despite that , I grew up as a well - adjusted person . I did well in school and I found the woman of my dreams . We married about a year after graduating together . We both worked , but we found it in our schedules to go house hunting occasionally . Both of us figured that we had to move out of her parents ' basement anyway . I found our dream home while searching for a deal . I took a quick look of the outside , but the door was locked and it was impossible to get inside . The house looked quite old ; it was this eerie yellow color . Something about it looked familiar , but I couldn 't place it . Well , either way , I contacted the owner and got it for an extremely cheap deal . He seemed kind of relieved that someone wanted to buy it , as if it was avoided before . But I showed my wife and she loved it just as I did . When we went inside , it was a mess . It looked as if a tornado blew through . The previous occupants of the home had left everything they had , though destroyed , as well as some red wine stains . Almost immediately , my wife and I set off to make the place livable . Eventually , we got the house to that status . It was that one night that I was asked to take out the last bit of garbage . I picked up the entire pile and stuffed it in a trash bag . When it was all ready to go , I picked it up , hefted it over my shoulders , and began to walk to the trash bin out by the pool . Yeah , there was a pool . It was empty , though . Halfway there , I noticed something fall out of the bag . I thought it was nothing at all , nothing more than my failure to securely tie the bag . I looked toward the ground to see what it was . I saw two photos . Both were upside down . I knelt down and flipped one of them over . It was of a blood red forest . . . the same from my dream . I dropped the bag of trash and high - tailed it back inside . From there , I ran into the dark bedroom where my wife then slept . I looked down at my arm . It was completely red , even the sleeve . I had no idea what was going on . Looking at my wife , I noticed the color of her eyes had changed to red . It made me nervous , so I looked away . My eyes found the cat , but its fur was red . My wife noticed the changes too , and panic slowly began to set in . We left the room and went into the dining room . It had the biggest window , so we thought we could see something . . . anything . That 's when I noticed her arm was turning red , too . It looked like the red was just appearing on her arm by some sort of vortex on the back of her hand . I suddenly remembered that when we had begun clean up of the house , we found a ceramic red hand . I tried to get my wife 's attention , to tell her about her arm , but my mouth wouldn 't open . And my arm . . . It wouldn 't move . That 's when I heard the thump on the other side of the house . ( I had this dream last night . Some of the details I couldn 't remember - or were stupid - were abridged or left out . But the story is basically the same . I 'll be rewriting this a little to make it clearer . ) There was an old game me and my older brother loved to play together on Sega Genesis ( on Sega Channel , and if you don 't know what that is , I feel sorry for you that you missed an awesome time ) . Years went by - it was so long ago - but I could remember the look of the levels and all the noises so clearly . I finally typed in " first person shooter for Sega " in Google over the weekend and found it within minutes . It was called Bloodshot . The following story is true , and you can even look up the game to see it is real ( unlike many others claimed to be seen ) . It was a boring night at home ; I lived with two of my brothers and my father . I was home alone ; dad worked late , brothers over friend 's place , so yeah . I decided to check out a bunch of old Sega Genesis games with an emulator on my brother 's computer . It was good memories , but no game lasted me more than five minutes . I then remembered Bloodshot , and frowned when I saw it wasn 't in my brother 's game folder . It took a while , but I found a download link for it , but it stopped at 92 % . I was frustrated , waiting for an hour without it moving . I then noticed the file itself was in the game folder , where I told it to download to . . . so I tried loading it anyway without waiting any longer . I was relieved it worked . The familiar graphics came upon the screen and the well known little sounds filled my ears . It took a while controlling it with a keyboard , but I managed the buttons . Things got a little strange when I opened the door to enter the first level , and I saw another avatar already running and picking up all the special guns even though I was playing alone , and not even on 2 player mode . And this game is basically a fossil ; it wasn 't an online game . I thought it was a computer controlled entity , although I don 't remember one being there before . . . and it was doing all the work for me . I followed behind getting bored as he blasted all the enemies , and then the boss of the level , and we ran back ( after the boss dies , you have to run to the start before the place explodes ) . The second level , we stood in front of the first door . This is when I felt awkward around the other guy , he turned to me , and then the door as if waiting for me to open it . So I did , and we ran off . Eventually , I realized I was almost dead and have been fighting alone . I turned around to see my mysterious ally was running along the walls , and eventually found a hidden door with a special gun . That did it , this guy was acting like a human player , and not a computer controlled entity . We went ahead into the level , and I noticed some glitches out textures on the walls . Curiously , when I ran into one , the game froze . . . so I reloaded the game and found myself alone in the first two levels . As I entered the third level , the countdown was already commencing and I saw my mysterious ally running towards me to exit the exploding level . We come to level four and it seemed the higher the level , the more glitched textures appear . Before entering the door into the forth level though , he shot me a few times , and then faced forward and waited for me to open the door . It was as if he was cursing me for abandoning him the first time around . When I shot at him , it did nothing . After we defeated the fourth boss , the countdown didn 't start . Confused , I followed the other player behind the dead boss and he opened a hidden door . Behind it was a avatar of a human ( rather than looking like a robot like everyone else ) . It walked into me , startling me a bit and the screened flashed red as if I died , but the game froze . It was late , so I went to bed and shrugged it off . The next day , the game wouldn 't load and came up with an error . I was interested to load the game up , but gave in after an hour and finished the download quite quickly . The game was normal however , there was no other player . I reached the fourth level , and after the boss , the countdown commenced . I went behind him and opened the door , and inside was the human avatar as well as another player texture . They walked into me , and the game flashed red , I died but the game didn 't freeze . I respawned in a huge level , but came across no enemies , weapons , or mines . . but there is a strange buzzing noise . I am still walking through the level and trying to find out what the hell this is all for . I left my computer on , but the game paused , it keeps unpausing itself in the middle of the night and I hear the noises of the game ( as I leave my speakers turned up . Whenever I sit down to pause it again , I see something run around the corner at the last second , but can never catch to see what it is . I keep feeling like something is watching me as I sleep . It was a marionette , I think . It had a big head , the face was made of wrinkly , flesh colored rubber . The eyes were gigantic , bulging white orbs with red pupils . The hair was black , made of some hard substance that didn 't mesh with the rubbery head . The teeth were gigantic , pure white and capable of moving up and down . The body and limbs were wooden , painted to resemble clothes , but the paint was faded , you could see the wood 's natural brown in some places . Each arm and leg was a different length , but the hands and feet were pretty detailed . It made a loud clattering sound whenever it moved . That puppet . . . followed me . I don 't mean it got up and chased me . I mean it kept showing up in my life . My earliest memory of it is from my first birthday . I obviously don 't remember the full details of that day , but I remember my parents singing happy birthday and that puppet . I don 't know what it was there for ; I just remember it scared me to death and I couldn 't stop crying . When I was able to talk , I asked my parents about it , and they said nothing like that had happened on my first birthday . They must not have thought lying about it would make things easier for me . The next time I saw it , I was around three . I was exploring a room filled with old stuff my parents had stored away and I found a calendar , but I don 't remember the year . There was a photo for each month , but the only one I remember was October ; that puppet was the image for it . I got scared and ran out of the room , I told my mom and tried to show her the calendar so that she 'd know the puppet was real , but I couldn 't find it . The room had been very messy , and I had ran out of it so quickly I knocked over piles of stuff , I guess the calendar got buried . I was six when it happened again . It was the middle of the night , I woke up from a nightmare I can 't remember the details of . I was too scared to go back to sleep , so I went into the living room and turned on the TV . An old black and white show on Nick at Nite was ending and when the commercials started , that puppet came on . It was dancing while loud music played . I screamed and started crying uncontrollably , but by the time my parents got downstairs , the puppet was gone . I didn 't see the puppet again for quite a while after that , but I kept having nightmares about it . When I was 15 , I decided to try to track it down , using the internet to try to find information about the calendar , the short , anything . No one had ever heard of it , but one day I got an instant message from someone I had never talked to before . Their screen name was a random mash - up of numbers and letters , but their avatar was a picture of the puppet . They IMed me , " Glad that you still remember me , " then immediately signed off . They never contacted me or came online again . When I was 20 , I was walking by a store that sold old toys and dolls , and in the front window , I saw the puppet . I went inside , and asked the clerk if he knew anything about that puppet 's history , when it was made , where it was from , anything . He didn 't , said the puppet had just been sold to the store a few days ago , I could have it for $ 6 . I wasn 't sure what to do , it still scared me , but having proof that it really existed seemed like a good idea . I bought the puppet , and took it home . For a while , I felt better ; I viewed the puppet as a childhood fear I had overcome as an adult and even started to believe the explanations my parents had given me for the past appearances of it ( I saw it somewhere else as a baby , imagined the calendar , dreamed the TV short , and someone online who had one played a trick on me ) . I kept the puppet , but as I moved on in my life , I pretty much forgot about it . I finished college , got married , and my wife should be giving birth in a few weeks . I was cleaning up a room for when the baby comes , and found the puppet , dusty and abandoned . I didn 't want my kid seeing it when he was little , so I picked it up , and decided I might as well wipe the dust off before moving it to another place . When I dusted it , I noticed a faded inscription on the back : Before I could figure out what this meant , I heard my wife starting to cry . I rushed to her , she looked more upset than I had ever seen her . Sobbing , she told me that the doctor had just called . There was a problem with the baby . . . Back then , the child did not understand a thing . He was dirty , restless and aching ; his face was covered with soot . Ever since the Bright Flash , he hadn 't been allowed to leave the house and it always seemed to be night time outside . He couldn 't see much out the windows , anyway ; there was too much smoke and ash , like a black snow day . Nobody came to visit . It was just Mom , Dad , him , and his Grandpa and Grandma . And now Grandma and Grandpa were gone . His tummy groaned once more and he tugged at his mother 's shirt , who looked about as dirty , tired , and restless as he did . He asked her for some of what she was eating , but she sweetly denied him , said this food was food ' for grown - ups , ' and she 'd get him something to eat soon enough . This was another of so many things that the boy did not understand . He pouted , turned , and left to find something that may distract him . The boy wandered around the empty house with the locked windows and doors and the dreary corridors . There was no power , so he couldn 't watch TV or play video games . He was tired of his action figures and board games . A sudden whiff caught his attention , though . He stoped and veered back towards the shut basement door , a place where he did not dare venture , for the basement was sure to hold monsters or at least rats . But there was a weird smell coming out of there today . It was the most interesting thing to happen in months since the Flash , so he pushed the door once , twice , and the wollen wood yielded with a slow creak . He heard sounds down there , like some shuffling , something muffled . It was too dark . Fear gripped his heart , but by now he was transfixed . He grasped the wall for the light switch , then suddenly remembered there was no electricity . Fortunately , in this time he had been taught to use candles and lighters effectively . He found such instruments resting upon a nearby table and lit the candle , casting a small aura of light around him . He gazed at the table ; it was covered in shears and blades . Turning towards the sound of the noise , he was suddenly taken aback and froze in place . It was Granny , leaning against the back wall . She was naked . Where her legs used to be , only cauterized stumps remained . She gazed at him so sweetly , but he was barely registering the situation ; it was too much for him . I was sitting in the upstairs office of the museum with a cup of coffee when it happened . It had been a long day and I 'd set the work experience kid the seemingly unfuck - up - able task of dusting the exhibits - after repeating my warning , of course , that some of them must not be touched or opened . A terrified scream , quickly strangled by a building - shaking thump and an awful rending sound , brought me rushing downstairs . The mirror room - I knew it . In there hung an ancient mirror , about a foot around , made of polished obsidian . Behind the glass walls of its display case , it was harmless , although people amusingly reported seeing the face of an evil hag in it on occasion . Looking at it unprotected was madness , though - certainly for those without knowledge of the old ways . I arrived in the mirror room and a horrible smell hung in the air . On the floor lay half a body - the lower half , still in the clothes I recognized from earlier . The skin had been stretched purple and torn away and the organs inside that hadn 't been torn free leaked their contents onto the floor . The legs were at the bottom of a maroon spray that started below the wooden case of the mirror , and the hipbone lay almost against the wall . The case was broken , the wooden sides pushed outwards . Clumps of hair , matted with skin and blood , stuck to the frame of the mirror . Concentrating now , I stepped in front of the black disc , my sandals carefully placed on either side of the bile - sprayed limbs and pool of blood on the floor . Looking into the dark reflection of the room , I saw my double once more . In her hand was a pale arm that led down to a broken form and a trail of darkness . Sure enough , when she lifted the half - corpse into the air , I recognized the shattered and stretched face . The coming months are the least pleasant part . You 'll find yourself unable to keep food down long before you 're far enough along to stop needing it . It 's the same with sleep . The color of your blood will be off and your veins will consequently stand out more . Expect a few in - grown body parts ; it 'll be little things , like fingers and ears and teeth , pressing up against the skin . Make sure you 're caught up on your booster shots because youre never going in for a check - up again . . . or wearing anything more revealing than a trench coat in public , most likely . The first object resembles a greasy black beechnut with maybe a tooth or two growing from it . When you 're dead , someone will eventually find it and use it to make a new batch of Dargaea 's Nectar . Hide it well to make things fun for future generations . The second object basically looks like a softball - sized cluster of veins , many of them broken and leaking black stuff , and all wrapped around something . It 'll squirm and you 'll notice the twisted little skinless fetus in the middle . It will only survive for about twenty seconds . Burn the remains . You can plant it anywhere you want . I advise some place where you don 't mind spending all your time and no one else would go . Your backyard or under your cellar works if you don 't have any roommates ; just as long as there 's fertile soil . Dig at least five feet down . It won 't want to be buried , but just keep piling dirt onto it . If you can still hear it when you 're finished , you didn 't go deep enough . Its veins ( or roots , I guess ) will eventually spread in all directions about a foot - and - a - half for every year of your life . Grass and weeds will grow stiff and body , black and oily , or take on the color and texture of a spider bite or rice paper . Wood will be infected , too ; you 'll hear the arteries in your walls pulsing on quiet nights . The ground will rot with dead insect and animal life . Don 't mow your lawn ; it bleeds like hell . No matter what threats or injuries beset you outside , here you will be safe and healthy . . . or , what appses for ' healthy ' for you now . If you really hate someone , bring them here . Trick them into coming . They 'll get infected one way or another - a lungful of spore , a thornprick , a bit of residue on their hand . . . They will vomit blood that has tiny centipedes in it . They 'll shit out their own spinal fluids . Their eyes will milk over and hatch ; little spines and brambles will grow from the sockets . They 'll survive for months or years and doctors will be baffled . It will be fucking great . That 's just for starters . You 'll learn more as you go . Much more . But if I told you everything now , you might not do it . Whatever you do , just guard the third object with your life , with your very soul . If you think you 're in danger of losing it , dig it up , kill it with a silver needle ; let someone else make a new one someday . You 'll feel as if you 've pierced your own heart , but it 's better than letting it fall into the wrong hands . Just last night / this morning , I had the most odd dream I can ever recall having - and I 've had some doozies . I 'm going to do my best to describe what I can remember in as much detail as I can . I would almost liken this dream to a video game in the survival horror series . . . games like the old Resident Evils , or Silent hill . The dream started with me looking through the eyes of someone else . This man was not me , but it was almost as if I was inhabiting this individual 's body and looking through his own eyes . There was a woman nearby that looked similar to my girlfriend , except older and it was not her . I do not recall her name , if it was even mentioned . She was a short redhead . There was another man also nearby ; He was middle aged and had slicked back brown hair . I do not recall his name , either . I do remember him addressing the man in which I was seeing through as " Phil " ( My name is not Phil ) . Apparently something bad was happening , but I can 't remember any speech from this portion of the dream . I remember the other man telling Phil that they needed something , but I can 't remember what it was . So , Phil ( hereby referred to as myself ) went off down an old dirt path . It was dusk and the area was very isolated in the county . Eventually , I came upon a small market and went inside . It looked like any old country store aside from the blood and dead bodies . A shaken man behind the counter told me to just take what he needed . I cannot remember what it was that was grabbed , but it was small and wrapped in a plastic bag . When I went back outside , a rusty blue truck slid to a stop nearby . The man from earlier was driving it and the woman was with him . He reached over and opened her door for her , then knocked her out into the dirt . He then stepped out , holding a gun , and cocked it . The gun was very odd looking ; it resembled a Famas , but had polished wood features not usually found on a rifle of that sort . I can 't remember exactly how , but I was on the ground , looking at the woman . It became obvious that this female was Phil 's significant other of some sort . The man walked over with the rifle and asked me something . I cannot recall what exactly was said , but it had something to do with me dying , and everyone except for the girl dying with him or the girl dying and everyone else being temporarily spared . I don 't understand that at all . Anyway , the woman gave me a nod , and after I answered , she was shot once in the head with the rifle and I was kicked in the head and knocked unconscious . When I finally awoke , it was dusk again , apparently the next day . I began traveling down another dirt path and eventually came upon a field of goats . There was a tin barrel in the corner of the pasture with something in it . I decided to check it out . I found the woman from before in it , decaying far faster than a normal body would . It had only been a day , but it looked as if it had been a week . Continuing on my way , I eventually found a school building and there was screaming inside . For whatever reason , I went inside . Again , there were dead bodies and blood everywhere . Children ran around screaming , strange shadow - like being with scythes for hands dismembering them . It was very gruesome and difficult to describe . For some reason , I just stood there as all of this went on . Eventually , things quieted and I decided to explore this facility . As I passed the girl 's bathroom I heard crying coming from inside and cautiously went in . I 'm surprised I didn 't awake at this moment feeling sick . Though not as bloody as the main halls , this room was also bloody and a little girl was huddled in the corner , having vomited on and around the toilet . It was very realistic looking and hard to bear . The little girl addressed me , " Phil ! You found me ! " . I never found out who this child was . She was never seen again , and I just sort of left the school . The whole event seemed very unnecessary . As I continued on my way , things shifted to a different perspective . I was now looking at two individuals from a 3rd person view . One was the man from before , except he had glowing , black wings that seemed to be made of shadow , or some type of aura . He was discussing something with an older gentleman who looked like a scientist of sorts . Again , I can 't remember much of what was said ( I can 't remember anything about the detail of the room , either ) , but I do remember the winged one saying " Is that all you care about ? ! " in an angered voice . Eventually , a white glowing aura made a circle on an area of the floor and the scientist instructed the wigned man to step into it . The man obeyed as if he were a puppet . When he stepped inside , there was a blinding light and screaming . When vision returned , the man had been transformed . He was now three times the size of a normal man and dressed in all black , including a sort or armored helmet than seemed to have a crows beak or sorts . This enigmatic creature had a mournful bellow and crushed the scientist into bits , literally . After that , I was back looking through Phil 's eyes . I had come upon a quaint country property . Oddly , it was my real life great grandmother 's home . I 'm going to try to describe the layout of my great grandmother 's home for you to more clearly understand what 's to come . When you first enter the back door , you are in a sort of porch / foyer . Though another door , you are inside the kitchen . In a corner of the kitchen , there are two doors . One leads to a hallway , the other to the living room . The living room has another door leading to a bedroom , which has another door leading into the hallway you can enter from the kitchen , forming a loop . In the hallway there is a door midway down that leads to a storage room , and at the end there is another bedroom and a bathroom . There is also a set of stairs . Upstairs , there is one large story area and one bedroom . I stepped inside the house . There was no blood , gore , or bodies , but apparently no one was home . I went though the kitchen and into the hallway . Just as I neared the middle door , that dreadful creature burst from the door with that same mournful bellow . He was so big , he had to crawl on his knees in order to fit in the house , which made him kind of slow . I turned around and ran into the kitchen , and then into the living room . I went around the loop and up the stairs , but the creature sluggishly continued on the route I had taken . Upstairs , I entered the bedroom and apparently pulled out chains and locks from nowhere and heavily secured the door . I felt safe here . It was peaceful . For whatever reason , I found three rocks on the nightstand and looked at the window . I had a plan ! Break the window , and escape to the roof . I threw one rock , and then another . They did nothing but crack and mar the window . The third broke through , but only a small hole . It would appear I was trapped . Frustrated , I paced around the bedroom . When I neared the door , the dreadful , mourning call was heard again and the door shook violently as this creature apparently rammed it . I leaned against the door as the creature rammed it again . The door loosened a little and I fell backwards and apparently , so did the monster on the other side . Little red numbers appeared and could be seen through the door as if around the monster , almost as if they were characters in some game and had taken damage . I felt very fatigued as I struggled to stand . Once on my feet , the monster broke the door in with another one of these dreadful cries , and ripped my right arm off . I was again seeing from a 3rd person perspective as Phil fell dead and his body was thrown out of the window . With another bellow , I awoke . I felt depressed all morning until about 11 : 30 a . m . Also , the entire dream was accompanied at various arts by piano music . All of it was very saddening , maybe even frightening , and most songs were dirges that I 've heard before . When nothing in particular was going on , however , there was this very haunting melody that I cannot remember ever hearing anywhere before and though I can play it back even now in my mind , I cannot describe it . It is a very unnerving tune . As her words began to form , interjected by that awful wheezing , a cold sweat crept through my body . I should not have come through here . I should have stayed upstairs . a very long time ago , when my grandpa was just a little boy , they moved into this house . It was nice : two betrooms , a nice bathroom , dining room , and kitchen . My great grandparents made a very decent living ; my great grandfather owned a very successful body shop and my great grandmother sold Avon . One day , my grandpa was playing in the living room when there was a knock at the door . He answered and there stood a man . He was wearing a nice suit and holding a nice hat against his chest with a polite smile on his face . " If you 're selling anything , I 'm not interested . Thanks , " He said , before trying to close the door . But no , this stranger interrupted with a start . " I was wondering if I could take a look in your attic . You see , I used to live here and it . . . it would really bring back some memories . " The man was nervous , but my great grandfather wasn 't about to fall for any con man ! " Now see here , mister . I already told you . I don 't want some stranger in my house . You leave me and my family alone before you upset my son and wife . And if you upset them I think there 's going to be some trouble ! " " Please , sir ! " The man pleaded , wringing his hands . " It 'll only take a moment . I absolutely must get up there if even for ten minutes ! " My great grandfather , great grandmother , and grandfather sat eating dinner one evening . I like to imagine they were having my grandma grandma 's ( this is what I called her ) roasted chicken and potatoes - so delicious . But I digress . Again , a knock at the door ; it sounded important . " Well , spit it out then , man . Now you 've gone and interrupted my supper after a long day 's work and this had better be good ! " My great grandfather threatened . His body was frail and gnarled , his skin was a ghostly white , and his bared teeth were yellow as freshly boiled sweet corn . His eyes were open , glazed over and staring . The pupils were milky ; he was blind . The whites were barely that ; instead they were bloodshot to a point that was almost unbelievable . His fingernails resembled long , brown talons . " Now you had both better explain to me right now just what in God 's name is going on here ! Is this some sort of sick joke ? " I ought to blow the brains out of both of you where you stand ! " He bellowed . " Sir , please understand , we ' r eno monsters . You see , this is our brother . " He began fretfully , looking at the mangled creature in the wall . " YOUR BROTHER ? ! You sick sons of bitches locked up your own brother in the wall ? " My great grandfather cried out , placing a hand on his queasy stomach . " Never , sir , never , " Said the man . " My father just passed . We never even knew this poor boy existed our whole entire lives , my other brother and I . Now it would seem our ' brother ' here was born with some sort of mental retardation , something that my mother and father could handle as parents , so they chose to do the unthinkable rather than face the public with their shame ! " He explained , motioning for the shell of a man ( mind you , this story takes place in a time when something like a mental defect was seen as a terribly embarrassing thing ) . " Get this . . . this . . . thing out of my house , send someone over to patch up your mess and then never , EVER come near my family again . You hear me ? " He ordered . " You can rely on that , sir . We had not wanted to bother you in the first place , but we couldn 't sleep at night knowing some poor family was stuck with him living up in your walls , you see . He probably was sucking the moisture from the ceiling and eatin ' bugs and mold , I would think . It 's amazing he could have survived ! " Jordan had laughed at his eccentric attire . He shot Jordan in the head . Sarah had laughed when he asked her to prom . He strangled her with a necktie . Aaron had made fun of his face accent . He killed him with a crowbar . He didn 't go home that night . He moved , out of the country and across the world . And he spent his nights among people who understood him , on the internet , broadening his vast collection of paranormal information . Apparently , that 's what happened to my friend , Jonathan , a few years ago . We were still in high school ( freshmen ) and lived your everyday life . One day , though , Jonathan got sick . He ws away from school for about a week and I didn 't hear a single word from him ( which is kind of weird - we were and still are best friends ) . I didn 't really have the time to focus on the fact that he had gone AWOL because we had tons of homework to do . " So it 's all over ? " He asked . I saw tears in his eyes . He hugged me and ran out of the classroom . I was confused by his actions and went to his house after school . His mother let me in . Jonathan was in the living room , apparently having a chat with his father . Jonathan seemed cheerful and greeted me with a hug ( which was very weird - he 's never been the huggy person ) . After having a cheerful chat for about ten minutes , he suddenly went quiet . He stared out through the window at times and didn 't really respond to all my questions . He asked me to follow him to his room and he seemed really anxious about it , so I followed . We sat there , quiet , for a while . I didn 't really want to disturb him . I was almost close to opening my mouth again when I suddenly noticed how quiet everything had become . It wasn 't only that I couldn 't hear the cars or the wind . I couldn 't hear my own breathing . " Yes , yes , I know , " I heard Jonathan say , which was fucking weird . That was the only thing I could hear . Imagine only being able to hear a voice and nothing else . " It 's happening again . Fuck . It 's happening again . No one remembered me , " He said in the creepiest fucking voice I ever heard . He never came back to school . He never came to visit me . His parents just couldn 't find him ; it was as if though he had disappeared into thin air . His parents gave up the search after about a year or two . A funeral was held in his name , but there wasn 't a body . What was weird , though , was the fact that no one ever sat in his spot at school - not even the new kids . It was as though his chair remained sacred . It was though it was already occupied . The creepiest thing of all is the fact that I think I see him at times , but it must be my mind playing tricks ; it 's almost as if he 's walking around without a care in the world . The very next moment I realize I must 've tricked myself . Right ? Recently , though , I have become more paranoid . It is as if I 'm being watched . Could it be that I trick myself into seeing Jonathan and that 's making me paranoid ? Or is it the fact that his last words still cling to my memory ? I saw a man watch me as I walked by the supermarket one day - after meeting his gaze , I have been feeling as if I was being watched every second . So , I 'm just telling you to watch your back - don 't meet his gaze . I 'm pretty fucking terrified right now . The worst thing , though , is that I can 't hear a thing . I can 't hear a thing except my own voice . And why the fuck is my mother pretending that she doesn 't know who I am ? Think back , and see if this image matches up with any of your memories : a big , old fashioned living room , lots of antique chairs , candle holders , expensive china , things like that . The objects in the room have a bluish tint , and there 's a big staircase across from the door . There are large windows , but the blinds are closed . The only light source is a faint amount of daylight shining through the curtains , but it 's a grey , rainy day . Does that seem familiar ? If not , you 're one of the lucky ones . For those of you who do share that memory with me , you may not remember exactly where that house is from . That 's because it 's a dream , a shared dream many people have had . How many ? There 's no way to say for sure , but of the people I 've asked , about 75 % had some memories of the house . For most , that was all it was , a faint memory , usually with negative connotations for no remembered reason . The truly unlucky ones , however , can remember more about the house . A typical dream about the house will begin with you alone in the room I described . There will be no other people in it , and the only sound will be the tapping noise of raindrops falling outside . Your vision will start to get blurry , going in and out of focus as everything seems to move very slightly . A music box will start playing ; the sound will be coming from every direction . You 'll hear the sound of footsteps from the above floor , it will get louder and louder . Just as you make out the faint silhouette of a person at the top of the staircase , you will most likely wake up . You 'll be nervous and depressed for a few days , but after that the dream will became a faint memory . If the dream continues , the figure at the top of the stairs will start walking down them , while the music box grows louder . With each step the figure takes , a body hanging from a noose will appear , seemingly dropping from the ceiling . When the figure reaches the floor you 're on , you 'll barely be able to see any parts of the room due to the hanging bodies . The person coming down the stairs will be covered in shadow , you won 't be able to make out any details about them beyond a humanoid shape . They will offer you a rope , and in your own voice ask " Do you wish to join them ? " I 'm guessing that saying yes will result in you immediately dying , not a single person I 've talked to said yes . If you say no , the figure will disappear , and a table holding the music box you 've been hearing will rise from the floor . The music box will open , and lyrics will be added to the music , in an enchanting female voice . This will be repeated over and over , and three cards will fly out of the box , number two , seven , and nine . If you pick seven , the dream will end , and you will feel normal when you wake up . If you pick two , you will wake and every second of your life will be filled with crushing depression , most people who pick two will kill themselves within a day . If you pick nine , a list of previous people who picked nine will appear on the table , along with the year it happened . Most of the years correspond with historical disasters , such as the black plague , the great depression , and Hitler 's rise to power . I 'm not sure what the effects of the most recent choice will be , but I did , after all , only make it a few days ago . " What the hell , you stupid fucks ? Stop camping or I 'll shove a scalding iron rod up your urethra ! " I grabbed another handful of pizza rolls off my plate and tried to swallow them all at once . I gagged a little and some fell onto my shirt , but I could manage . I was particularly furious , having been spawn - killed in Call of Duty for the past fourty - five minues . I couldn 't just leave - oh , no - leaving meant that those insipid cum guzzlers won . I blurted some more profanity into my microphone and dabbed my forehead with a towel . Having wiped the pizza grease from my hand onto my Pokemon bed sheets , I nonchalantly reached into my boxer shorts and scratched my testicles . After a couple of minutes , I pulled my hand back out and slowly raised it up to my nose . I took a deep whiff and instantly realized something was wrong . It smelled like spaghetti . What the hell ? When was the last time I even had spaghetti ? A chill ran down my spine . Thoughts ran through my head regarding diseases that caused your scrotum to smell like Italian food ; I convinced myself I was being ridiculous and focused on my important game session . Early the next morning , I was eating some Cap ' n Crunch in my dining room downstairs . A few dishes from God knows when still lay on the table ; they couldn 't hold a candle to the shitstorm in the kitchen . I shifted a little and felt my chair squeak under me . " Oh , Cap ' n , " I said while fluttering my eyes . " You 'd never leave me , would you ? " I stood up in order to reach the box to pour some more when my hand accidentally flipped over the bowl . The remaining milk splashed all over my legs . " Fucking NIGGERS ! " I balled my hands into chubby fists and punched Cap ' n right in his smug little mouth . The box fell over and cereal spilled out onto the table like an eviscerated monkey 's dinner . I calmed myself , pinching the bridge of my nose and sighing . I 'd need some paper towels . I headed into the kitchen and sidestepped around some of the garbage bags . I reached the counter with little time to spare and grabbed the whole roll just to be safe . After cleaning up my mess , I went into my room , took off my boxer shorts , and thre wthem into my hamper . I grabbed some underwear out of my drawer , but before I had the chance to put them on , I remembered my experience from last evening . I stared down at my crotch in silence for a couple of minutes before mustering up the courage to grab my balls . I handled them around a bit before disengaging and bringing my hand up to my face . I gasped and staggered backwards , falling onto my bed and probably splitting a crack in the frame . There was no doubt about it . Salt and vinegar chips . I fucking despise salt and vinegar chips . I was at a loss for words . Suddenly , I didn 't feel safe in my own apartment . The rest of the day I pretty much sat around in a trance , trying to comprehend the implications of this phenomenon and drolling a little . Night came soon enough , giving me a chance to rest my mind . I fell asleep quickly . My eyes opened drowsily as I woke up . I had kicked my covers to the side while I was asleep . My alarm clock read 2 : 17 AM . Ugh , whatever . I propped myself up to grab my covers and screamed . At the edge of my bed sat the most putrid , disgusting creature I had ever seen ( no , I was NOT looking in a mirror ) . Its beady eyes were sunken into its contorted mockery of a face , with patches of hair dotting its scalp . Mottled grey flesh was peeling all over its body , and in some places there were clusters of tumors with puss leaking out . But the worst thing was its mouth . Oh , God , its mouth . It had no lips , and its long , yellow , gnarled teeth jutted out at an unnatural angle , with enough space in - between for its barbed tongue to hang out . I wanted to puke , or scream , or something , but I was in shock . I began to move my legs when I realized that something was wrong with my crotch . I didn 't dare look down to find out what it was . It was then that I noticed the . . . thing was holding something . A fucking knife . Wait , no . . . Now that my eyes were adjusting to the dimness , I could see the shape was wrong . What was that . . . a goddamn butter knife ? Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
I was doing some mining with lights off . I could see well in dark . However , something got screwed up . It was like fucking hell . Good thing that game didn 't crashed or deleted some files required for game . After some time it seems stable , but results are horrible . . . I almost thought Herobrine will come behind me during corruption ( but . . . he doesn 't exist still : P ) . And additionally , sorry about this giant amount of panic talk . It seems it 's just GPU issue . Not big problem . NOTE : THIS IS NOT ACTUAL CORRUPTION AS IT WAS . Video Codecs went too buggy and it caused this damage . I 'll try to fix this corruption , but it will be 1 , 8 GB file , not sure am I able to upload it , would take . . . . 2 days of non - stop upload . His lips were very dark - almost black - and his teeth were a disgusting yellow , as if they 'd never been brushed . His feet were absolutely putrid , especially his toenails ; they were yellow from fungus . He had talons instead of fingernails ; they were very dark at the tips and got progressively lighter . He had a lot of scars ; they were very noticeable and stood out from his pale skin . I can remember staring at them a lot . They had a red tinge to them . The biggest scar was on his arm ( if I remember correctly , it was his right arm ) . It was HUGE and stretched all the way from his shoulder to his elbow , as if his arm had been sliced in two length - ways at some oint . It bulged out from his skin like you 'd see if someone didn 't take proper care of a wound and it healed incorrectly . The other scar was above his left eye . For the most part , it was covered by hair , but you could see a glimpse of it ; it went diagonally towards his left ear . It stopped just short of his eye . Anyway , I had a two - hour conversation about Boa with my mom this morning and wrote down some things that I found interesting or didn 't remember . This was the first time in a while that I 've asked about Boa and I was surprised at how much my mom remembered . Her first response after my asking was , " Those were terrible times . " It took some coaxing , but she eventually started revealing more and more as the conversation progressed . I was about five or six when Boa first came around . My mom said tht before I started playing with Boa , I kept asking , " Why does the man keep following us , " and continued doing this for some time before I finally introduced the man as Boa . She felt that my cute childhood personality changed almost immediately after that ; I began cursing like a sailor and having vicious temperament issues ( throwing objects , yelling / screaming , spitting at , and biting , apparently ) . I really don 't remember any of this . The strangest part , she said , was that I began injuring myself . I would take knives and scissors and cut into my arms and legs . That was part of the reason I had to be checked out by doctors . They explained it as attention - seeking behavior and my parents were instructed not to give in to certain things but to only reward my good behavior and to ignore my bad behavior . Shortly after that was the couch being sliced to bits and gutted . My mother seemed very baffled on the phone about how everything happened . For the most part , my parents blamed the odd occurrences in our house as a little kid starved for attention . My dad is a very scientific man who is not religious at all , while my mom does indulge in the possibility that some things simply can 't be explained . At one point , she wanted to get me and the house blessed , truly believing that a single child couldn 't do all the things that were happening . As far as " Boa stories " go , my mom had three very distinct memories that involved Boa . One time , she came to check on me in my room and could hear me clearly talking to someone and a muffled sound that always followed . She opened the door to see me mutilating my toys and she , horrified , told me to stop and go downstairs . At that point , I turned my head towards her and demanded she shut the door . She told me no , and to come downstairs . I screamed , " Shut the god damn door . " Cue the front door slamming . She said that scared the piss out of her . The second Boa story was about the cat . My mom decided that she would start to embrace Boa and began to indulge me that he was there . She 'd open doors for him and would pull up an extra seat for him . She even started setting a place at the dinner table for my imaginary friend . She said I would always laugh and say very demeaning things when she did nice things for Boa . My mom remembers inviting Boa to join us for dinner one night and I was shrugging , looking at the corner and asking Boa if he 'd like to come eat with us . I suddenly stood in silence , as if listening to a response , cringed , asking , " Gross , do they even taste good ? " I then looked at my mom and very nonchalantly said , " No , mom , Boa only eats cats . " It was her cat that she found outside , mauled to death . She said it looked as if he 'd been sliced to bits with a knife and had been gutted . At that point she thought that Boa was the Devil or I was in the process of becoming a serial killer . My personal favorite , and the last my mom had , of the three stories , was one day when my mom driving me home from day care . I had gotten kicked out for using my play scissors to cut a little girl 's hair nearly completely off ( her parents ended up having to buzz her head ) then biting the shit out of her . I got in the car and was all smiles and songs as my mom berated me up and down . She asked if I had something to say for myself and I replied , " Yeah , I 'd like some mother fucking ice cream . " My mom , very pissed , said there was no way in Hell I was getting ice cream . I then started talking to Boa and laughing hysterically before I began saying , " Poppity pop pop , Mom . Poppity pop pop , " louder and louder each time . She asked what that meant and I responded , " Boa says you 're a bitch and he 's going to pop your tires . " Not five minutes later , we were on the side of the road with two flat tires and had to wait for a tow truck to come get us . About a week ago , I made a post in regards to a childhood imaginary friend I had named Boa . Since then , things have gotten . . . weird . I started to have these dreams . . . no . . . no , you wouldn 't call them dreams , really . . . whatever they were , they were about Boa . They get more vivid each time I have one . I started to remember things from when I was a kid . Things I suppose I repressed . I had asked my parents to retell stories of Boa in hopes that they would bring up funny memories and laughs . They seem to hate that I remember . They 've started to argue again , worse than I 've seen in some time . I thought if I just stopped and tried to forget , t would all go away . . . but it 's not . I 'm starting to get the feeling that Boa wasn 't an imaginary friend . . . I 'm just not sure where to go from here . I was trying to figure this out the other night while on the phone with my mom ( who 's become extremely reluctant to " indulge " me anymore ) . I remember being told that Boa was forbidden . I know I kept talking to him in secret for some time after but this just made Boa increasingly angry . Things in my house got really bad with arguments and yelling . I can remember having a really tearful talk with Boa , telling him he wasn 't allowed back anymore . Boa wasn 't pleased and made threats . I can remember the conversation and having this intense pain , like someone suckerpunched me in the gut . After that , nothing . I have quite a few holes in my childhood memories . The ones that involve Boa seem to be the hardest to recall . " Boa just seem demonic to me . Call it a gut feeling . You have any more specific details you can give about him ? Things he said ? Did he talk you into that strange behavior or did you just naturally start doing it while he was around ? Sorry if you 've already answered those questions . I wasn 't around for the first Boa thread . " Boa would egg me on a lot and I tended to mimic what he said . Say my mom wouldn 't give me something . He 'd tell me what to do to get it : scream , yell , throw yourself on the floor , grab the chair and throw it towards her but not hidding her - those types of things . Then , when she 'd give in , he 'd always smile and say something along the lines of , " Stupid bitch , " and I 'd usually laugh and repeat , " Yeah , stupid bitck . " I 'm not sure what you 'd like to know when you say , " more details , " though . As far as saying that Boa was demonic . . . well , it just breaks my heart . Boa could be very terrifying at times , with his stories and actions , but I have many fond memories of him . He was my best friend . I can remember being picked on and coming home in tears , hiding under my bed from everything . Boa would crawl under and tell me that " little cuntpickle isn 't worth your tears , " and how he 'd grow up poor and alone while I 'd be a prince . He 'd wipe my tears and we 'd play in the backyard . During the 2010 Halloween update , Notch momentarily had an alternate download link available from the development blog . I decided to update from the blog , rather than let Minecraft update on its own . I simply extracted all of the files from the Winzip file to the game . I was about to leave for an out - of - country trip , so I ( unwillingly ) had to extract the files , shut down , and leave for Europe without trying the new features . I returned two weeks later and forgot about Minecraft for a while . I needed to do a project for my Mass Communications class , though , so I wanted some somber melodies to accompany it . Instantly , I thought of Minecraft 's bleak tunes and went digging into the Minecraft . ogg files . I chose calm2 . ogg for the presentation , but I stuck around to listen to the other songs . In the ' resources ' file , there was a folder , all on its own , entitled simply , " New Folder . " I opened the folder to find " ashes1ashes . ogg " and played it in Audacity . There was nothing really heard , just silence and faint clicking noises . I sent the song to a fellow Minecrafter who works professionally with sound editing , but they didn 't find anything . I eventually started to play Minecraft again , for the first time in a month . The game updated and I played all night , making portals to the Nether and messing around . I wanted to listen to ' ashes1ashes . ogg ' again , but the folder had been removed upon Minecraft updating . I found the file in my e - mails and downloaded the attachment back onto my computer , this time throwing the song with the other music files . That 's when everything went downhill . I opened up my world to find everything on fire , including myself . My hearts would run out , refill , then run out again . Everything was on fire : the grass , the water , even the pigs and chickens . I tried reloading the world several times , but everything still burned . I deleted the world and created a new one , but that world was on fire as well . I decided to explore a bit and tried playing through a day . It was upon sunrise , the time music generally starts to play , that I heard it . It was a man , humming a melody , clear as day . I listened to it , through the cracks and pops of the fire . It wasn 't any recognizable tune , just something a father would hum to a sleepy child . Halfway through the song , the humming started to break up into a bit of a sob . Finally , the song cut off abruptly and the game shut down . There were no pop - up warnings or title screens . The world was deleted , too . I searched for ' ashes1ashes . ogg ' on the forums , to no avail . I checked the blog and noticed that the alternate download link I used on Halloween had been removed . Then I googled it , producing an angelfire page with two links : ' ashes1ashes . ogg ' and ' ashes2ashes . ogg . ' The first song produced the same sounds as the ones I had - silence and clicks . Hesitantly , I listened to ashes2ashes . ogg . It seemed to pick up where ' ashes1ashes ' had left off . The humming turned almost directly to complete sobbing . The sobbing turned to silence , and and at the end the man spoke something in what seemed to be another language . When I was a kid , I lived in a small , ugly yellow house . I can 't remember much else about it . I kind of went into shock and forced myself to forget . My parents were murdered . I was found unconcious in the woods nearby , clean and unharmed . Or , that 's what I was told . I could never remember it . No matter how hard I tried , I could never remember any details before waking up in the arms of some doctor or ambulance driver . I was never allowed to go get my stuff , because apparently the murderer destroyed everything in the house . After that day , though , I had nightmares . Terrible nightmares of a tall , red - eyed man in a suit carrying a scythe and of a dark forest in blood - red light . Every other night , I would wake up in a cold sweat , screaming . I was sent to a psychiatrist for it , but there was never any explanation or solution given . Despite that , I grew up as a well - adjusted person . I did well in school and I found the woman of my dreams . We married about a year after graduating together . We both worked , but we found it in our schedules to go house hunting occasionally . Both of us figured that we had to move out of her parents ' basement anyway . I found our dream home while searching for a deal . I took a quick look of the outside , but the door was locked and it was impossible to get inside . The house looked quite old ; it was this eerie yellow color . Something about it looked familiar , but I couldn 't place it . Well , either way , I contacted the owner and got it for an extremely cheap deal . He seemed kind of relieved that someone wanted to buy it , as if it was avoided before . But I showed my wife and she loved it just as I did . When we went inside , it was a mess . It looked as if a tornado blew through . The previous occupants of the home had left everything they had , though destroyed , as well as some red wine stains . Almost immediately , my wife and I set off to make the place livable . Eventually , we got the house to that status . It was that one night that I was asked to take out the last bit of garbage . I picked up the entire pile and stuffed it in a trash bag . When it was all ready to go , I picked it up , hefted it over my shoulders , and began to walk to the trash bin out by the pool . Yeah , there was a pool . It was empty , though . Halfway there , I noticed something fall out of the bag . I thought it was nothing at all , nothing more than my failure to securely tie the bag . I looked toward the ground to see what it was . I saw two photos . Both were upside down . I knelt down and flipped one of them over . It was of a blood red forest . . . the same from my dream . I dropped the bag of trash and high - tailed it back inside . From there , I ran into the dark bedroom where my wife then slept . I looked down at my arm . It was completely red , even the sleeve . I had no idea what was going on . Looking at my wife , I noticed the color of her eyes had changed to red . It made me nervous , so I looked away . My eyes found the cat , but its fur was red . My wife noticed the changes too , and panic slowly began to set in . We left the room and went into the dining room . It had the biggest window , so we thought we could see something . . . anything . That 's when I noticed her arm was turning red , too . It looked like the red was just appearing on her arm by some sort of vortex on the back of her hand . I suddenly remembered that when we had begun clean up of the house , we found a ceramic red hand . I tried to get my wife 's attention , to tell her about her arm , but my mouth wouldn 't open . And my arm . . . It wouldn 't move . That 's when I heard the thump on the other side of the house . ( I had this dream last night . Some of the details I couldn 't remember - or were stupid - were abridged or left out . But the story is basically the same . I 'll be rewriting this a little to make it clearer . ) There was an old game me and my older brother loved to play together on Sega Genesis ( on Sega Channel , and if you don 't know what that is , I feel sorry for you that you missed an awesome time ) . Years went by - it was so long ago - but I could remember the look of the levels and all the noises so clearly . I finally typed in " first person shooter for Sega " in Google over the weekend and found it within minutes . It was called Bloodshot . The following story is true , and you can even look up the game to see it is real ( unlike many others claimed to be seen ) . It was a boring night at home ; I lived with two of my brothers and my father . I was home alone ; dad worked late , brothers over friend 's place , so yeah . I decided to check out a bunch of old Sega Genesis games with an emulator on my brother 's computer . It was good memories , but no game lasted me more than five minutes . I then remembered Bloodshot , and frowned when I saw it wasn 't in my brother 's game folder . It took a while , but I found a download link for it , but it stopped at 92 % . I was frustrated , waiting for an hour without it moving . I then noticed the file itself was in the game folder , where I told it to download to . . . so I tried loading it anyway without waiting any longer . I was relieved it worked . The familiar graphics came upon the screen and the well known little sounds filled my ears . It took a while controlling it with a keyboard , but I managed the buttons . Things got a little strange when I opened the door to enter the first level , and I saw another avatar already running and picking up all the special guns even though I was playing alone , and not even on 2 player mode . And this game is basically a fossil ; it wasn 't an online game . I thought it was a computer controlled entity , although I don 't remember one being there before . . . and it was doing all the work for me . I followed behind getting bored as he blasted all the enemies , and then the boss of the level , and we ran back ( after the boss dies , you have to run to the start before the place explodes ) . The second level , we stood in front of the first door . This is when I felt awkward around the other guy , he turned to me , and then the door as if waiting for me to open it . So I did , and we ran off . Eventually , I realized I was almost dead and have been fighting alone . I turned around to see my mysterious ally was running along the walls , and eventually found a hidden door with a special gun . That did it , this guy was acting like a human player , and not a computer controlled entity . We went ahead into the level , and I noticed some glitches out textures on the walls . Curiously , when I ran into one , the game froze . . . so I reloaded the game and found myself alone in the first two levels . As I entered the third level , the countdown was already commencing and I saw my mysterious ally running towards me to exit the exploding level . We come to level four and it seemed the higher the level , the more glitched textures appear . Before entering the door into the forth level though , he shot me a few times , and then faced forward and waited for me to open the door . It was as if he was cursing me for abandoning him the first time around . When I shot at him , it did nothing . After we defeated the fourth boss , the countdown didn 't start . Confused , I followed the other player behind the dead boss and he opened a hidden door . Behind it was a avatar of a human ( rather than looking like a robot like everyone else ) . It walked into me , startling me a bit and the screened flashed red as if I died , but the game froze . It was late , so I went to bed and shrugged it off . The next day , the game wouldn 't load and came up with an error . I was interested to load the game up , but gave in after an hour and finished the download quite quickly . The game was normal however , there was no other player . I reached the fourth level , and after the boss , the countdown commenced . I went behind him and opened the door , and inside was the human avatar as well as another player texture . They walked into me , and the game flashed red , I died but the game didn 't freeze . I respawned in a huge level , but came across no enemies , weapons , or mines . . but there is a strange buzzing noise . I am still walking through the level and trying to find out what the hell this is all for . I left my computer on , but the game paused , it keeps unpausing itself in the middle of the night and I hear the noises of the game ( as I leave my speakers turned up . Whenever I sit down to pause it again , I see something run around the corner at the last second , but can never catch to see what it is . I keep feeling like something is watching me as I sleep . It was a marionette , I think . It had a big head , the face was made of wrinkly , flesh colored rubber . The eyes were gigantic , bulging white orbs with red pupils . The hair was black , made of some hard substance that didn 't mesh with the rubbery head . The teeth were gigantic , pure white and capable of moving up and down . The body and limbs were wooden , painted to resemble clothes , but the paint was faded , you could see the wood 's natural brown in some places . Each arm and leg was a different length , but the hands and feet were pretty detailed . It made a loud clattering sound whenever it moved . That puppet . . . followed me . I don 't mean it got up and chased me . I mean it kept showing up in my life . My earliest memory of it is from my first birthday . I obviously don 't remember the full details of that day , but I remember my parents singing happy birthday and that puppet . I don 't know what it was there for ; I just remember it scared me to death and I couldn 't stop crying . When I was able to talk , I asked my parents about it , and they said nothing like that had happened on my first birthday . They must not have thought lying about it would make things easier for me . The next time I saw it , I was around three . I was exploring a room filled with old stuff my parents had stored away and I found a calendar , but I don 't remember the year . There was a photo for each month , but the only one I remember was October ; that puppet was the image for it . I got scared and ran out of the room , I told my mom and tried to show her the calendar so that she 'd know the puppet was real , but I couldn 't find it . The room had been very messy , and I had ran out of it so quickly I knocked over piles of stuff , I guess the calendar got buried . I was six when it happened again . It was the middle of the night , I woke up from a nightmare I can 't remember the details of . I was too scared to go back to sleep , so I went into the living room and turned on the TV . An old black and white show on Nick at Nite was ending and when the commercials started , that puppet came on . It was dancing while loud music played . I screamed and started crying uncontrollably , but by the time my parents got downstairs , the puppet was gone . I didn 't see the puppet again for quite a while after that , but I kept having nightmares about it . When I was 15 , I decided to try to track it down , using the internet to try to find information about the calendar , the short , anything . No one had ever heard of it , but one day I got an instant message from someone I had never talked to before . Their screen name was a random mash - up of numbers and letters , but their avatar was a picture of the puppet . They IMed me , " Glad that you still remember me , " then immediately signed off . They never contacted me or came online again . When I was 20 , I was walking by a store that sold old toys and dolls , and in the front window , I saw the puppet . I went inside , and asked the clerk if he knew anything about that puppet 's history , when it was made , where it was from , anything . He didn 't , said the puppet had just been sold to the store a few days ago , I could have it for $ 6 . I wasn 't sure what to do , it still scared me , but having proof that it really existed seemed like a good idea . I bought the puppet , and took it home . For a while , I felt better ; I viewed the puppet as a childhood fear I had overcome as an adult and even started to believe the explanations my parents had given me for the past appearances of it ( I saw it somewhere else as a baby , imagined the calendar , dreamed the TV short , and someone online who had one played a trick on me ) . I kept the puppet , but as I moved on in my life , I pretty much forgot about it . I finished college , got married , and my wife should be giving birth in a few weeks . I was cleaning up a room for when the baby comes , and found the puppet , dusty and abandoned . I didn 't want my kid seeing it when he was little , so I picked it up , and decided I might as well wipe the dust off before moving it to another place . When I dusted it , I noticed a faded inscription on the back : Before I could figure out what this meant , I heard my wife starting to cry . I rushed to her , she looked more upset than I had ever seen her . Sobbing , she told me that the doctor had just called . There was a problem with the baby . . . Back then , the child did not understand a thing . He was dirty , restless and aching ; his face was covered with soot . Ever since the Bright Flash , he hadn 't been allowed to leave the house and it always seemed to be night time outside . He couldn 't see much out the windows , anyway ; there was too much smoke and ash , like a black snow day . Nobody came to visit . It was just Mom , Dad , him , and his Grandpa and Grandma . And now Grandma and Grandpa were gone . His tummy groaned once more and he tugged at his mother 's shirt , who looked about as dirty , tired , and restless as he did . He asked her for some of what she was eating , but she sweetly denied him , said this food was food ' for grown - ups , ' and she 'd get him something to eat soon enough . This was another of so many things that the boy did not understand . He pouted , turned , and left to find something that may distract him . The boy wandered around the empty house with the locked windows and doors and the dreary corridors . There was no power , so he couldn 't watch TV or play video games . He was tired of his action figures and board games . A sudden whiff caught his attention , though . He stoped and veered back towards the shut basement door , a place where he did not dare venture , for the basement was sure to hold monsters or at least rats . But there was a weird smell coming out of there today . It was the most interesting thing to happen in months since the Flash , so he pushed the door once , twice , and the wollen wood yielded with a slow creak . He heard sounds down there , like some shuffling , something muffled . It was too dark . Fear gripped his heart , but by now he was transfixed . He grasped the wall for the light switch , then suddenly remembered there was no electricity . Fortunately , in this time he had been taught to use candles and lighters effectively . He found such instruments resting upon a nearby table and lit the candle , casting a small aura of light around him . He gazed at the table ; it was covered in shears and blades . Turning towards the sound of the noise , he was suddenly taken aback and froze in place . It was Granny , leaning against the back wall . She was naked . Where her legs used to be , only cauterized stumps remained . She gazed at him so sweetly , but he was barely registering the situation ; it was too much for him . I was sitting in the upstairs office of the museum with a cup of coffee when it happened . It had been a long day and I 'd set the work experience kid the seemingly unfuck - up - able task of dusting the exhibits - after repeating my warning , of course , that some of them must not be touched or opened . A terrified scream , quickly strangled by a building - shaking thump and an awful rending sound , brought me rushing downstairs . The mirror room - I knew it . In there hung an ancient mirror , about a foot around , made of polished obsidian . Behind the glass walls of its display case , it was harmless , although people amusingly reported seeing the face of an evil hag in it on occasion . Looking at it unprotected was madness , though - certainly for those without knowledge of the old ways . I arrived in the mirror room and a horrible smell hung in the air . On the floor lay half a body - the lower half , still in the clothes I recognized from earlier . The skin had been stretched purple and torn away and the organs inside that hadn 't been torn free leaked their contents onto the floor . The legs were at the bottom of a maroon spray that started below the wooden case of the mirror , and the hipbone lay almost against the wall . The case was broken , the wooden sides pushed outwards . Clumps of hair , matted with skin and blood , stuck to the frame of the mirror . Concentrating now , I stepped in front of the black disc , my sandals carefully placed on either side of the bile - sprayed limbs and pool of blood on the floor . Looking into the dark reflection of the room , I saw my double once more . In her hand was a pale arm that led down to a broken form and a trail of darkness . Sure enough , when she lifted the half - corpse into the air , I recognized the shattered and stretched face . The coming months are the least pleasant part . You 'll find yourself unable to keep food down long before you 're far enough along to stop needing it . It 's the same with sleep . The color of your blood will be off and your veins will consequently stand out more . Expect a few in - grown body parts ; it 'll be little things , like fingers and ears and teeth , pressing up against the skin . Make sure you 're caught up on your booster shots because youre never going in for a check - up again . . . or wearing anything more revealing than a trench coat in public , most likely . The first object resembles a greasy black beechnut with maybe a tooth or two growing from it . When you 're dead , someone will eventually find it and use it to make a new batch of Dargaea 's Nectar . Hide it well to make things fun for future generations . The second object basically looks like a softball - sized cluster of veins , many of them broken and leaking black stuff , and all wrapped around something . It 'll squirm and you 'll notice the twisted little skinless fetus in the middle . It will only survive for about twenty seconds . Burn the remains . You can plant it anywhere you want . I advise some place where you don 't mind spending all your time and no one else would go . Your backyard or under your cellar works if you don 't have any roommates ; just as long as there 's fertile soil . Dig at least five feet down . It won 't want to be buried , but just keep piling dirt onto it . If you can still hear it when you 're finished , you didn 't go deep enough . Its veins ( or roots , I guess ) will eventually spread in all directions about a foot - and - a - half for every year of your life . Grass and weeds will grow stiff and body , black and oily , or take on the color and texture of a spider bite or rice paper . Wood will be infected , too ; you 'll hear the arteries in your walls pulsing on quiet nights . The ground will rot with dead insect and animal life . Don 't mow your lawn ; it bleeds like hell . No matter what threats or injuries beset you outside , here you will be safe and healthy . . . or , what appses for ' healthy ' for you now . If you really hate someone , bring them here . Trick them into coming . They 'll get infected one way or another - a lungful of spore , a thornprick , a bit of residue on their hand . . . They will vomit blood that has tiny centipedes in it . They 'll shit out their own spinal fluids . Their eyes will milk over and hatch ; little spines and brambles will grow from the sockets . They 'll survive for months or years and doctors will be baffled . It will be fucking great . That 's just for starters . You 'll learn more as you go . Much more . But if I told you everything now , you might not do it . Whatever you do , just guard the third object with your life , with your very soul . If you think you 're in danger of losing it , dig it up , kill it with a silver needle ; let someone else make a new one someday . You 'll feel as if you 've pierced your own heart , but it 's better than letting it fall into the wrong hands . Just last night / this morning , I had the most odd dream I can ever recall having - and I 've had some doozies . I 'm going to do my best to describe what I can remember in as much detail as I can . I would almost liken this dream to a video game in the survival horror series . . . games like the old Resident Evils , or Silent hill . The dream started with me looking through the eyes of someone else . This man was not me , but it was almost as if I was inhabiting this individual 's body and looking through his own eyes . There was a woman nearby that looked similar to my girlfriend , except older and it was not her . I do not recall her name , if it was even mentioned . She was a short redhead . There was another man also nearby ; He was middle aged and had slicked back brown hair . I do not recall his name , either . I do remember him addressing the man in which I was seeing through as " Phil " ( My name is not Phil ) . Apparently something bad was happening , but I can 't remember any speech from this portion of the dream . I remember the other man telling Phil that they needed something , but I can 't remember what it was . So , Phil ( hereby referred to as myself ) went off down an old dirt path . It was dusk and the area was very isolated in the county . Eventually , I came upon a small market and went inside . It looked like any old country store aside from the blood and dead bodies . A shaken man behind the counter told me to just take what he needed . I cannot remember what it was that was grabbed , but it was small and wrapped in a plastic bag . When I went back outside , a rusty blue truck slid to a stop nearby . The man from earlier was driving it and the woman was with him . He reached over and opened her door for her , then knocked her out into the dirt . He then stepped out , holding a gun , and cocked it . The gun was very odd looking ; it resembled a Famas , but had polished wood features not usually found on a rifle of that sort . I can 't remember exactly how , but I was on the ground , looking at the woman . It became obvious that this female was Phil 's significant other of some sort . The man walked over with the rifle and asked me something . I cannot recall what exactly was said , but it had something to do with me dying , and everyone except for the girl dying with him or the girl dying and everyone else being temporarily spared . I don 't understand that at all . Anyway , the woman gave me a nod , and after I answered , she was shot once in the head with the rifle and I was kicked in the head and knocked unconscious . When I finally awoke , it was dusk again , apparently the next day . I began traveling down another dirt path and eventually came upon a field of goats . There was a tin barrel in the corner of the pasture with something in it . I decided to check it out . I found the woman from before in it , decaying far faster than a normal body would . It had only been a day , but it looked as if it had been a week . Continuing on my way , I eventually found a school building and there was screaming inside . For whatever reason , I went inside . Again , there were dead bodies and blood everywhere . Children ran around screaming , strange shadow - like being with scythes for hands dismembering them . It was very gruesome and difficult to describe . For some reason , I just stood there as all of this went on . Eventually , things quieted and I decided to explore this facility . As I passed the girl 's bathroom I heard crying coming from inside and cautiously went in . I 'm surprised I didn 't awake at this moment feeling sick . Though not as bloody as the main halls , this room was also bloody and a little girl was huddled in the corner , having vomited on and around the toilet . It was very realistic looking and hard to bear . The little girl addressed me , " Phil ! You found me ! " . I never found out who this child was . She was never seen again , and I just sort of left the school . The whole event seemed very unnecessary . As I continued on my way , things shifted to a different perspective . I was now looking at two individuals from a 3rd person view . One was the man from before , except he had glowing , black wings that seemed to be made of shadow , or some type of aura . He was discussing something with an older gentleman who looked like a scientist of sorts . Again , I can 't remember much of what was said ( I can 't remember anything about the detail of the room , either ) , but I do remember the winged one saying " Is that all you care about ? ! " in an angered voice . Eventually , a white glowing aura made a circle on an area of the floor and the scientist instructed the wigned man to step into it . The man obeyed as if he were a puppet . When he stepped inside , there was a blinding light and screaming . When vision returned , the man had been transformed . He was now three times the size of a normal man and dressed in all black , including a sort or armored helmet than seemed to have a crows beak or sorts . This enigmatic creature had a mournful bellow and crushed the scientist into bits , literally . After that , I was back looking through Phil 's eyes . I had come upon a quaint country property . Oddly , it was my real life great grandmother 's home . I 'm going to try to describe the layout of my great grandmother 's home for you to more clearly understand what 's to come . When you first enter the back door , you are in a sort of porch / foyer . Though another door , you are inside the kitchen . In a corner of the kitchen , there are two doors . One leads to a hallway , the other to the living room . The living room has another door leading to a bedroom , which has another door leading into the hallway you can enter from the kitchen , forming a loop . In the hallway there is a door midway down that leads to a storage room , and at the end there is another bedroom and a bathroom . There is also a set of stairs . Upstairs , there is one large story area and one bedroom . I stepped inside the house . There was no blood , gore , or bodies , but apparently no one was home . I went though the kitchen and into the hallway . Just as I neared the middle door , that dreadful creature burst from the door with that same mournful bellow . He was so big , he had to crawl on his knees in order to fit in the house , which made him kind of slow . I turned around and ran into the kitchen , and then into the living room . I went around the loop and up the stairs , but the creature sluggishly continued on the route I had taken . Upstairs , I entered the bedroom and apparently pulled out chains and locks from nowhere and heavily secured the door . I felt safe here . It was peaceful . For whatever reason , I found three rocks on the nightstand and looked at the window . I had a plan ! Break the window , and escape to the roof . I threw one rock , and then another . They did nothing but crack and mar the window . The third broke through , but only a small hole . It would appear I was trapped . Frustrated , I paced around the bedroom . When I neared the door , the dreadful , mourning call was heard again and the door shook violently as this creature apparently rammed it . I leaned against the door as the creature rammed it again . The door loosened a little and I fell backwards and apparently , so did the monster on the other side . Little red numbers appeared and could be seen through the door as if around the monster , almost as if they were characters in some game and had taken damage . I felt very fatigued as I struggled to stand . Once on my feet , the monster broke the door in with another one of these dreadful cries , and ripped my right arm off . I was again seeing from a 3rd person perspective as Phil fell dead and his body was thrown out of the window . With another bellow , I awoke . I felt depressed all morning until about 11 : 30 a . m . Also , the entire dream was accompanied at various arts by piano music . All of it was very saddening , maybe even frightening , and most songs were dirges that I 've heard before . When nothing in particular was going on , however , there was this very haunting melody that I cannot remember ever hearing anywhere before and though I can play it back even now in my mind , I cannot describe it . It is a very unnerving tune . As her words began to form , interjected by that awful wheezing , a cold sweat crept through my body . I should not have come through here . I should have stayed upstairs . a very long time ago , when my grandpa was just a little boy , they moved into this house . It was nice : two betrooms , a nice bathroom , dining room , and kitchen . My great grandparents made a very decent living ; my great grandfather owned a very successful body shop and my great grandmother sold Avon . One day , my grandpa was playing in the living room when there was a knock at the door . He answered and there stood a man . He was wearing a nice suit and holding a nice hat against his chest with a polite smile on his face . " If you 're selling anything , I 'm not interested . Thanks , " He said , before trying to close the door . But no , this stranger interrupted with a start . " I was wondering if I could take a look in your attic . You see , I used to live here and it . . . it would really bring back some memories . " The man was nervous , but my great grandfather wasn 't about to fall for any con man ! " Now see here , mister . I already told you . I don 't want some stranger in my house . You leave me and my family alone before you upset my son and wife . And if you upset them I think there 's going to be some trouble ! " " Please , sir ! " The man pleaded , wringing his hands . " It 'll only take a moment . I absolutely must get up there if even for ten minutes ! " My great grandfather , great grandmother , and grandfather sat eating dinner one evening . I like to imagine they were having my grandma grandma 's ( this is what I called her ) roasted chicken and potatoes - so delicious . But I digress . Again , a knock at the door ; it sounded important . " Well , spit it out then , man . Now you 've gone and interrupted my supper after a long day 's work and this had better be good ! " My great grandfather threatened . His body was frail and gnarled , his skin was a ghostly white , and his bared teeth were yellow as freshly boiled sweet corn . His eyes were open , glazed over and staring . The pupils were milky ; he was blind . The whites were barely that ; instead they were bloodshot to a point that was almost unbelievable . His fingernails resembled long , brown talons . " Now you had both better explain to me right now just what in God 's name is going on here ! Is this some sort of sick joke ? " I ought to blow the brains out of both of you where you stand ! " He bellowed . " Sir , please understand , we ' r eno monsters . You see , this is our brother . " He began fretfully , looking at the mangled creature in the wall . " YOUR BROTHER ? ! You sick sons of bitches locked up your own brother in the wall ? " My great grandfather cried out , placing a hand on his queasy stomach . " Never , sir , never , " Said the man . " My father just passed . We never even knew this poor boy existed our whole entire lives , my other brother and I . Now it would seem our ' brother ' here was born with some sort of mental retardation , something that my mother and father could handle as parents , so they chose to do the unthinkable rather than face the public with their shame ! " He explained , motioning for the shell of a man ( mind you , this story takes place in a time when something like a mental defect was seen as a terribly embarrassing thing ) . " Get this . . . this . . . thing out of my house , send someone over to patch up your mess and then never , EVER come near my family again . You hear me ? " He ordered . " You can rely on that , sir . We had not wanted to bother you in the first place , but we couldn 't sleep at night knowing some poor family was stuck with him living up in your walls , you see . He probably was sucking the moisture from the ceiling and eatin ' bugs and mold , I would think . It 's amazing he could have survived ! " Jordan had laughed at his eccentric attire . He shot Jordan in the head . Sarah had laughed when he asked her to prom . He strangled her with a necktie . Aaron had made fun of his face accent . He killed him with a crowbar . He didn 't go home that night . He moved , out of the country and across the world . And he spent his nights among people who understood him , on the internet , broadening his vast collection of paranormal information . Apparently , that 's what happened to my friend , Jonathan , a few years ago . We were still in high school ( freshmen ) and lived your everyday life . One day , though , Jonathan got sick . He ws away from school for about a week and I didn 't hear a single word from him ( which is kind of weird - we were and still are best friends ) . I didn 't really have the time to focus on the fact that he had gone AWOL because we had tons of homework to do . " So it 's all over ? " He asked . I saw tears in his eyes . He hugged me and ran out of the classroom . I was confused by his actions and went to his house after school . His mother let me in . Jonathan was in the living room , apparently having a chat with his father . Jonathan seemed cheerful and greeted me with a hug ( which was very weird - he 's never been the huggy person ) . After having a cheerful chat for about ten minutes , he suddenly went quiet . He stared out through the window at times and didn 't really respond to all my questions . He asked me to follow him to his room and he seemed really anxious about it , so I followed . We sat there , quiet , for a while . I didn 't really want to disturb him . I was almost close to opening my mouth again when I suddenly noticed how quiet everything had become . It wasn 't only that I couldn 't hear the cars or the wind . I couldn 't hear my own breathing . " Yes , yes , I know , " I heard Jonathan say , which was fucking weird . That was the only thing I could hear . Imagine only being able to hear a voice and nothing else . " It 's happening again . Fuck . It 's happening again . No one remembered me , " He said in the creepiest fucking voice I ever heard . He never came back to school . He never came to visit me . His parents just couldn 't find him ; it was as if though he had disappeared into thin air . His parents gave up the search after about a year or two . A funeral was held in his name , but there wasn 't a body . What was weird , though , was the fact that no one ever sat in his spot at school - not even the new kids . It was as though his chair remained sacred . It was though it was already occupied . The creepiest thing of all is the fact that I think I see him at times , but it must be my mind playing tricks ; it 's almost as if he 's walking around without a care in the world . The very next moment I realize I must 've tricked myself . Right ? Recently , though , I have become more paranoid . It is as if I 'm being watched . Could it be that I trick myself into seeing Jonathan and that 's making me paranoid ? Or is it the fact that his last words still cling to my memory ? I saw a man watch me as I walked by the supermarket one day - after meeting his gaze , I have been feeling as if I was being watched every second . So , I 'm just telling you to watch your back - don 't meet his gaze . I 'm pretty fucking terrified right now . The worst thing , though , is that I can 't hear a thing . I can 't hear a thing except my own voice . And why the fuck is my mother pretending that she doesn 't know who I am ? Think back , and see if this image matches up with any of your memories : a big , old fashioned living room , lots of antique chairs , candle holders , expensive china , things like that . The objects in the room have a bluish tint , and there 's a big staircase across from the door . There are large windows , but the blinds are closed . The only light source is a faint amount of daylight shining through the curtains , but it 's a grey , rainy day . Does that seem familiar ? If not , you 're one of the lucky ones . For those of you who do share that memory with me , you may not remember exactly where that house is from . That 's because it 's a dream , a shared dream many people have had . How many ? There 's no way to say for sure , but of the people I 've asked , about 75 % had some memories of the house . For most , that was all it was , a faint memory , usually with negative connotations for no remembered reason . The truly unlucky ones , however , can remember more about the house . A typical dream about the house will begin with you alone in the room I described . There will be no other people in it , and the only sound will be the tapping noise of raindrops falling outside . Your vision will start to get blurry , going in and out of focus as everything seems to move very slightly . A music box will start playing ; the sound will be coming from every direction . You 'll hear the sound of footsteps from the above floor , it will get louder and louder . Just as you make out the faint silhouette of a person at the top of the staircase , you will most likely wake up . You 'll be nervous and depressed for a few days , but after that the dream will became a faint memory . If the dream continues , the figure at the top of the stairs will start walking down them , while the music box grows louder . With each step the figure takes , a body hanging from a noose will appear , seemingly dropping from the ceiling . When the figure reaches the floor you 're on , you 'll barely be able to see any parts of the room due to the hanging bodies . The person coming down the stairs will be covered in shadow , you won 't be able to make out any details about them beyond a humanoid shape . They will offer you a rope , and in your own voice ask " Do you wish to join them ? " I 'm guessing that saying yes will result in you immediately dying , not a single person I 've talked to said yes . If you say no , the figure will disappear , and a table holding the music box you 've been hearing will rise from the floor . The music box will open , and lyrics will be added to the music , in an enchanting female voice . This will be repeated over and over , and three cards will fly out of the box , number two , seven , and nine . If you pick seven , the dream will end , and you will feel normal when you wake up . If you pick two , you will wake and every second of your life will be filled with crushing depression , most people who pick two will kill themselves within a day . If you pick nine , a list of previous people who picked nine will appear on the table , along with the year it happened . Most of the years correspond with historical disasters , such as the black plague , the great depression , and Hitler 's rise to power . I 'm not sure what the effects of the most recent choice will be , but I did , after all , only make it a few days ago . " What the hell , you stupid fucks ? Stop camping or I 'll shove a scalding iron rod up your urethra ! " I grabbed another handful of pizza rolls off my plate and tried to swallow them all at once . I gagged a little and some fell onto my shirt , but I could manage . I was particularly furious , having been spawn - killed in Call of Duty for the past fourty - five minues . I couldn 't just leave - oh , no - leaving meant that those insipid cum guzzlers won . I blurted some more profanity into my microphone and dabbed my forehead with a towel . Having wiped the pizza grease from my hand onto my Pokemon bed sheets , I nonchalantly reached into my boxer shorts and scratched my testicles . After a couple of minutes , I pulled my hand back out and slowly raised it up to my nose . I took a deep whiff and instantly realized something was wrong . It smelled like spaghetti . What the hell ? When was the last time I even had spaghetti ? A chill ran down my spine . Thoughts ran through my head regarding diseases that caused your scrotum to smell like Italian food ; I convinced myself I was being ridiculous and focused on my important game session . Early the next morning , I was eating some Cap ' n Crunch in my dining room downstairs . A few dishes from God knows when still lay on the table ; they couldn 't hold a candle to the shitstorm in the kitchen . I shifted a little and felt my chair squeak under me . " Oh , Cap ' n , " I said while fluttering my eyes . " You 'd never leave me , would you ? " I stood up in order to reach the box to pour some more when my hand accidentally flipped over the bowl . The remaining milk splashed all over my legs . " Fucking NIGGERS ! " I balled my hands into chubby fists and punched Cap ' n right in his smug little mouth . The box fell over and cereal spilled out onto the table like an eviscerated monkey 's dinner . I calmed myself , pinching the bridge of my nose and sighing . I 'd need some paper towels . I headed into the kitchen and sidestepped around some of the garbage bags . I reached the counter with little time to spare and grabbed the whole roll just to be safe . After cleaning up my mess , I went into my room , took off my boxer shorts , and thre wthem into my hamper . I grabbed some underwear out of my drawer , but before I had the chance to put them on , I remembered my experience from last evening . I stared down at my crotch in silence for a couple of minutes before mustering up the courage to grab my balls . I handled them around a bit before disengaging and bringing my hand up to my face . I gasped and staggered backwards , falling onto my bed and probably splitting a crack in the frame . There was no doubt about it . Salt and vinegar chips . I fucking despise salt and vinegar chips . I was at a loss for words . Suddenly , I didn 't feel safe in my own apartment . The rest of the day I pretty much sat around in a trance , trying to comprehend the implications of this phenomenon and drolling a little . Night came soon enough , giving me a chance to rest my mind . I fell asleep quickly . My eyes opened drowsily as I woke up . I had kicked my covers to the side while I was asleep . My alarm clock read 2 : 17 AM . Ugh , whatever . I propped myself up to grab my covers and screamed . At the edge of my bed sat the most putrid , disgusting creature I had ever seen ( no , I was NOT looking in a mirror ) . Its beady eyes were sunken into its contorted mockery of a face , with patches of hair dotting its scalp . Mottled grey flesh was peeling all over its body , and in some places there were clusters of tumors with puss leaking out . But the worst thing was its mouth . Oh , God , its mouth . It had no lips , and its long , yellow , gnarled teeth jutted out at an unnatural angle , with enough space in - between for its barbed tongue to hang out . I wanted to puke , or scream , or something , but I was in shock . I began to move my legs when I realized that something was wrong with my crotch . I didn 't dare look down to find out what it was . It was then that I noticed the . . . thing was holding something . A fucking knife . Wait , no . . . Now that my eyes were adjusting to the dimness , I could see the shape was wrong . What was that . . . a goddamn butter knife ? Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
I was doing some mining with lights off . I could see well in dark . However , something got screwed up . It was like fucking hell . Good thing that game didn 't crashed or deleted some files required for game . After some time it seems stable , but results are horrible . . . I almost thought Herobrine will come behind me during corruption ( but . . . he doesn 't exist still : P ) . And additionally , sorry about this giant amount of panic talk . It seems it 's just GPU issue . Not big problem . NOTE : THIS IS NOT ACTUAL CORRUPTION AS IT WAS . Video Codecs went too buggy and it caused this damage . I 'll try to fix this corruption , but it will be 1 , 8 GB file , not sure am I able to upload it , would take . . . . 2 days of non - stop upload . His lips were very dark - almost black - and his teeth were a disgusting yellow , as if they 'd never been brushed . His feet were absolutely putrid , especially his toenails ; they were yellow from fungus . He had talons instead of fingernails ; they were very dark at the tips and got progressively lighter . He had a lot of scars ; they were very noticeable and stood out from his pale skin . I can remember staring at them a lot . They had a red tinge to them . The biggest scar was on his arm ( if I remember correctly , it was his right arm ) . It was HUGE and stretched all the way from his shoulder to his elbow , as if his arm had been sliced in two length - ways at some oint . It bulged out from his skin like you 'd see if someone didn 't take proper care of a wound and it healed incorrectly . The other scar was above his left eye . For the most part , it was covered by hair , but you could see a glimpse of it ; it went diagonally towards his left ear . It stopped just short of his eye . Anyway , I had a two - hour conversation about Boa with my mom this morning and wrote down some things that I found interesting or didn 't remember . This was the first time in a while that I 've asked about Boa and I was surprised at how much my mom remembered . Her first response after my asking was , " Those were terrible times . " It took some coaxing , but she eventually started revealing more and more as the conversation progressed . I was about five or six when Boa first came around . My mom said tht before I started playing with Boa , I kept asking , " Why does the man keep following us , " and continued doing this for some time before I finally introduced the man as Boa . She felt that my cute childhood personality changed almost immediately after that ; I began cursing like a sailor and having vicious temperament issues ( throwing objects , yelling / screaming , spitting at , and biting , apparently ) . I really don 't remember any of this . The strangest part , she said , was that I began injuring myself . I would take knives and scissors and cut into my arms and legs . That was part of the reason I had to be checked out by doctors . They explained it as attention - seeking behavior and my parents were instructed not to give in to certain things but to only reward my good behavior and to ignore my bad behavior . Shortly after that was the couch being sliced to bits and gutted . My mother seemed very baffled on the phone about how everything happened . For the most part , my parents blamed the odd occurrences in our house as a little kid starved for attention . My dad is a very scientific man who is not religious at all , while my mom does indulge in the possibility that some things simply can 't be explained . At one point , she wanted to get me and the house blessed , truly believing that a single child couldn 't do all the things that were happening . As far as " Boa stories " go , my mom had three very distinct memories that involved Boa . One time , she came to check on me in my room and could hear me clearly talking to someone and a muffled sound that always followed . She opened the door to see me mutilating my toys and she , horrified , told me to stop and go downstairs . At that point , I turned my head towards her and demanded she shut the door . She told me no , and to come downstairs . I screamed , " Shut the god damn door . " Cue the front door slamming . She said that scared the piss out of her . The second Boa story was about the cat . My mom decided that she would start to embrace Boa and began to indulge me that he was there . She 'd open doors for him and would pull up an extra seat for him . She even started setting a place at the dinner table for my imaginary friend . She said I would always laugh and say very demeaning things when she did nice things for Boa . My mom remembers inviting Boa to join us for dinner one night and I was shrugging , looking at the corner and asking Boa if he 'd like to come eat with us . I suddenly stood in silence , as if listening to a response , cringed , asking , " Gross , do they even taste good ? " I then looked at my mom and very nonchalantly said , " No , mom , Boa only eats cats . " It was her cat that she found outside , mauled to death . She said it looked as if he 'd been sliced to bits with a knife and had been gutted . At that point she thought that Boa was the Devil or I was in the process of becoming a serial killer . My personal favorite , and the last my mom had , of the three stories , was one day when my mom driving me home from day care . I had gotten kicked out for using my play scissors to cut a little girl 's hair nearly completely off ( her parents ended up having to buzz her head ) then biting the shit out of her . I got in the car and was all smiles and songs as my mom berated me up and down . She asked if I had something to say for myself and I replied , " Yeah , I 'd like some mother fucking ice cream . " My mom , very pissed , said there was no way in Hell I was getting ice cream . I then started talking to Boa and laughing hysterically before I began saying , " Poppity pop pop , Mom . Poppity pop pop , " louder and louder each time . She asked what that meant and I responded , " Boa says you 're a bitch and he 's going to pop your tires . " Not five minutes later , we were on the side of the road with two flat tires and had to wait for a tow truck to come get us . About a week ago , I made a post in regards to a childhood imaginary friend I had named Boa . Since then , things have gotten . . . weird . I started to have these dreams . . . no . . . no , you wouldn 't call them dreams , really . . . whatever they were , they were about Boa . They get more vivid each time I have one . I started to remember things from when I was a kid . Things I suppose I repressed . I had asked my parents to retell stories of Boa in hopes that they would bring up funny memories and laughs . They seem to hate that I remember . They 've started to argue again , worse than I 've seen in some time . I thought if I just stopped and tried to forget , t would all go away . . . but it 's not . I 'm starting to get the feeling that Boa wasn 't an imaginary friend . . . I 'm just not sure where to go from here . I was trying to figure this out the other night while on the phone with my mom ( who 's become extremely reluctant to " indulge " me anymore ) . I remember being told that Boa was forbidden . I know I kept talking to him in secret for some time after but this just made Boa increasingly angry . Things in my house got really bad with arguments and yelling . I can remember having a really tearful talk with Boa , telling him he wasn 't allowed back anymore . Boa wasn 't pleased and made threats . I can remember the conversation and having this intense pain , like someone suckerpunched me in the gut . After that , nothing . I have quite a few holes in my childhood memories . The ones that involve Boa seem to be the hardest to recall . " Boa just seem demonic to me . Call it a gut feeling . You have any more specific details you can give about him ? Things he said ? Did he talk you into that strange behavior or did you just naturally start doing it while he was around ? Sorry if you 've already answered those questions . I wasn 't around for the first Boa thread . " Boa would egg me on a lot and I tended to mimic what he said . Say my mom wouldn 't give me something . He 'd tell me what to do to get it : scream , yell , throw yourself on the floor , grab the chair and throw it towards her but not hidding her - those types of things . Then , when she 'd give in , he 'd always smile and say something along the lines of , " Stupid bitch , " and I 'd usually laugh and repeat , " Yeah , stupid bitck . " I 'm not sure what you 'd like to know when you say , " more details , " though . As far as saying that Boa was demonic . . . well , it just breaks my heart . Boa could be very terrifying at times , with his stories and actions , but I have many fond memories of him . He was my best friend . I can remember being picked on and coming home in tears , hiding under my bed from everything . Boa would crawl under and tell me that " little cuntpickle isn 't worth your tears , " and how he 'd grow up poor and alone while I 'd be a prince . He 'd wipe my tears and we 'd play in the backyard . During the 2010 Halloween update , Notch momentarily had an alternate download link available from the development blog . I decided to update from the blog , rather than let Minecraft update on its own . I simply extracted all of the files from the Winzip file to the game . I was about to leave for an out - of - country trip , so I ( unwillingly ) had to extract the files , shut down , and leave for Europe without trying the new features . I returned two weeks later and forgot about Minecraft for a while . I needed to do a project for my Mass Communications class , though , so I wanted some somber melodies to accompany it . Instantly , I thought of Minecraft 's bleak tunes and went digging into the Minecraft . ogg files . I chose calm2 . ogg for the presentation , but I stuck around to listen to the other songs . In the ' resources ' file , there was a folder , all on its own , entitled simply , " New Folder . " I opened the folder to find " ashes1ashes . ogg " and played it in Audacity . There was nothing really heard , just silence and faint clicking noises . I sent the song to a fellow Minecrafter who works professionally with sound editing , but they didn 't find anything . I eventually started to play Minecraft again , for the first time in a month . The game updated and I played all night , making portals to the Nether and messing around . I wanted to listen to ' ashes1ashes . ogg ' again , but the folder had been removed upon Minecraft updating . I found the file in my e - mails and downloaded the attachment back onto my computer , this time throwing the song with the other music files . That 's when everything went downhill . I opened up my world to find everything on fire , including myself . My hearts would run out , refill , then run out again . Everything was on fire : the grass , the water , even the pigs and chickens . I tried reloading the world several times , but everything still burned . I deleted the world and created a new one , but that world was on fire as well . I decided to explore a bit and tried playing through a day . It was upon sunrise , the time music generally starts to play , that I heard it . It was a man , humming a melody , clear as day . I listened to it , through the cracks and pops of the fire . It wasn 't any recognizable tune , just something a father would hum to a sleepy child . Halfway through the song , the humming started to break up into a bit of a sob . Finally , the song cut off abruptly and the game shut down . There were no pop - up warnings or title screens . The world was deleted , too . I searched for ' ashes1ashes . ogg ' on the forums , to no avail . I checked the blog and noticed that the alternate download link I used on Halloween had been removed . Then I googled it , producing an angelfire page with two links : ' ashes1ashes . ogg ' and ' ashes2ashes . ogg . ' The first song produced the same sounds as the ones I had - silence and clicks . Hesitantly , I listened to ashes2ashes . ogg . It seemed to pick up where ' ashes1ashes ' had left off . The humming turned almost directly to complete sobbing . The sobbing turned to silence , and and at the end the man spoke something in what seemed to be another language . When I was a kid , I lived in a small , ugly yellow house . I can 't remember much else about it . I kind of went into shock and forced myself to forget . My parents were murdered . I was found unconcious in the woods nearby , clean and unharmed . Or , that 's what I was told . I could never remember it . No matter how hard I tried , I could never remember any details before waking up in the arms of some doctor or ambulance driver . I was never allowed to go get my stuff , because apparently the murderer destroyed everything in the house . After that day , though , I had nightmares . Terrible nightmares of a tall , red - eyed man in a suit carrying a scythe and of a dark forest in blood - red light . Every other night , I would wake up in a cold sweat , screaming . I was sent to a psychiatrist for it , but there was never any explanation or solution given . Despite that , I grew up as a well - adjusted person . I did well in school and I found the woman of my dreams . We married about a year after graduating together . We both worked , but we found it in our schedules to go house hunting occasionally . Both of us figured that we had to move out of her parents ' basement anyway . I found our dream home while searching for a deal . I took a quick look of the outside , but the door was locked and it was impossible to get inside . The house looked quite old ; it was this eerie yellow color . Something about it looked familiar , but I couldn 't place it . Well , either way , I contacted the owner and got it for an extremely cheap deal . He seemed kind of relieved that someone wanted to buy it , as if it was avoided before . But I showed my wife and she loved it just as I did . When we went inside , it was a mess . It looked as if a tornado blew through . The previous occupants of the home had left everything they had , though destroyed , as well as some red wine stains . Almost immediately , my wife and I set off to make the place livable . Eventually , we got the house to that status . It was that one night that I was asked to take out the last bit of garbage . I picked up the entire pile and stuffed it in a trash bag . When it was all ready to go , I picked it up , hefted it over my shoulders , and began to walk to the trash bin out by the pool . Yeah , there was a pool . It was empty , though . Halfway there , I noticed something fall out of the bag . I thought it was nothing at all , nothing more than my failure to securely tie the bag . I looked toward the ground to see what it was . I saw two photos . Both were upside down . I knelt down and flipped one of them over . It was of a blood red forest . . . the same from my dream . I dropped the bag of trash and high - tailed it back inside . From there , I ran into the dark bedroom where my wife then slept . I looked down at my arm . It was completely red , even the sleeve . I had no idea what was going on . Looking at my wife , I noticed the color of her eyes had changed to red . It made me nervous , so I looked away . My eyes found the cat , but its fur was red . My wife noticed the changes too , and panic slowly began to set in . We left the room and went into the dining room . It had the biggest window , so we thought we could see something . . . anything . That 's when I noticed her arm was turning red , too . It looked like the red was just appearing on her arm by some sort of vortex on the back of her hand . I suddenly remembered that when we had begun clean up of the house , we found a ceramic red hand . I tried to get my wife 's attention , to tell her about her arm , but my mouth wouldn 't open . And my arm . . . It wouldn 't move . That 's when I heard the thump on the other side of the house . ( I had this dream last night . Some of the details I couldn 't remember - or were stupid - were abridged or left out . But the story is basically the same . I 'll be rewriting this a little to make it clearer . ) There was an old game me and my older brother loved to play together on Sega Genesis ( on Sega Channel , and if you don 't know what that is , I feel sorry for you that you missed an awesome time ) . Years went by - it was so long ago - but I could remember the look of the levels and all the noises so clearly . I finally typed in " first person shooter for Sega " in Google over the weekend and found it within minutes . It was called Bloodshot . The following story is true , and you can even look up the game to see it is real ( unlike many others claimed to be seen ) . It was a boring night at home ; I lived with two of my brothers and my father . I was home alone ; dad worked late , brothers over friend 's place , so yeah . I decided to check out a bunch of old Sega Genesis games with an emulator on my brother 's computer . It was good memories , but no game lasted me more than five minutes . I then remembered Bloodshot , and frowned when I saw it wasn 't in my brother 's game folder . It took a while , but I found a download link for it , but it stopped at 92 % . I was frustrated , waiting for an hour without it moving . I then noticed the file itself was in the game folder , where I told it to download to . . . so I tried loading it anyway without waiting any longer . I was relieved it worked . The familiar graphics came upon the screen and the well known little sounds filled my ears . It took a while controlling it with a keyboard , but I managed the buttons . Things got a little strange when I opened the door to enter the first level , and I saw another avatar already running and picking up all the special guns even though I was playing alone , and not even on 2 player mode . And this game is basically a fossil ; it wasn 't an online game . I thought it was a computer controlled entity , although I don 't remember one being there before . . . and it was doing all the work for me . I followed behind getting bored as he blasted all the enemies , and then the boss of the level , and we ran back ( after the boss dies , you have to run to the start before the place explodes ) . The second level , we stood in front of the first door . This is when I felt awkward around the other guy , he turned to me , and then the door as if waiting for me to open it . So I did , and we ran off . Eventually , I realized I was almost dead and have been fighting alone . I turned around to see my mysterious ally was running along the walls , and eventually found a hidden door with a special gun . That did it , this guy was acting like a human player , and not a computer controlled entity . We went ahead into the level , and I noticed some glitches out textures on the walls . Curiously , when I ran into one , the game froze . . . so I reloaded the game and found myself alone in the first two levels . As I entered the third level , the countdown was already commencing and I saw my mysterious ally running towards me to exit the exploding level . We come to level four and it seemed the higher the level , the more glitched textures appear . Before entering the door into the forth level though , he shot me a few times , and then faced forward and waited for me to open the door . It was as if he was cursing me for abandoning him the first time around . When I shot at him , it did nothing . After we defeated the fourth boss , the countdown didn 't start . Confused , I followed the other player behind the dead boss and he opened a hidden door . Behind it was a avatar of a human ( rather than looking like a robot like everyone else ) . It walked into me , startling me a bit and the screened flashed red as if I died , but the game froze . It was late , so I went to bed and shrugged it off . The next day , the game wouldn 't load and came up with an error . I was interested to load the game up , but gave in after an hour and finished the download quite quickly . The game was normal however , there was no other player . I reached the fourth level , and after the boss , the countdown commenced . I went behind him and opened the door , and inside was the human avatar as well as another player texture . They walked into me , and the game flashed red , I died but the game didn 't freeze . I respawned in a huge level , but came across no enemies , weapons , or mines . . but there is a strange buzzing noise . I am still walking through the level and trying to find out what the hell this is all for . I left my computer on , but the game paused , it keeps unpausing itself in the middle of the night and I hear the noises of the game ( as I leave my speakers turned up . Whenever I sit down to pause it again , I see something run around the corner at the last second , but can never catch to see what it is . I keep feeling like something is watching me as I sleep . It was a marionette , I think . It had a big head , the face was made of wrinkly , flesh colored rubber . The eyes were gigantic , bulging white orbs with red pupils . The hair was black , made of some hard substance that didn 't mesh with the rubbery head . The teeth were gigantic , pure white and capable of moving up and down . The body and limbs were wooden , painted to resemble clothes , but the paint was faded , you could see the wood 's natural brown in some places . Each arm and leg was a different length , but the hands and feet were pretty detailed . It made a loud clattering sound whenever it moved . That puppet . . . followed me . I don 't mean it got up and chased me . I mean it kept showing up in my life . My earliest memory of it is from my first birthday . I obviously don 't remember the full details of that day , but I remember my parents singing happy birthday and that puppet . I don 't know what it was there for ; I just remember it scared me to death and I couldn 't stop crying . When I was able to talk , I asked my parents about it , and they said nothing like that had happened on my first birthday . They must not have thought lying about it would make things easier for me . The next time I saw it , I was around three . I was exploring a room filled with old stuff my parents had stored away and I found a calendar , but I don 't remember the year . There was a photo for each month , but the only one I remember was October ; that puppet was the image for it . I got scared and ran out of the room , I told my mom and tried to show her the calendar so that she 'd know the puppet was real , but I couldn 't find it . The room had been very messy , and I had ran out of it so quickly I knocked over piles of stuff , I guess the calendar got buried . I was six when it happened again . It was the middle of the night , I woke up from a nightmare I can 't remember the details of . I was too scared to go back to sleep , so I went into the living room and turned on the TV . An old black and white show on Nick at Nite was ending and when the commercials started , that puppet came on . It was dancing while loud music played . I screamed and started crying uncontrollably , but by the time my parents got downstairs , the puppet was gone . I didn 't see the puppet again for quite a while after that , but I kept having nightmares about it . When I was 15 , I decided to try to track it down , using the internet to try to find information about the calendar , the short , anything . No one had ever heard of it , but one day I got an instant message from someone I had never talked to before . Their screen name was a random mash - up of numbers and letters , but their avatar was a picture of the puppet . They IMed me , " Glad that you still remember me , " then immediately signed off . They never contacted me or came online again . When I was 20 , I was walking by a store that sold old toys and dolls , and in the front window , I saw the puppet . I went inside , and asked the clerk if he knew anything about that puppet 's history , when it was made , where it was from , anything . He didn 't , said the puppet had just been sold to the store a few days ago , I could have it for $ 6 . I wasn 't sure what to do , it still scared me , but having proof that it really existed seemed like a good idea . I bought the puppet , and took it home . For a while , I felt better ; I viewed the puppet as a childhood fear I had overcome as an adult and even started to believe the explanations my parents had given me for the past appearances of it ( I saw it somewhere else as a baby , imagined the calendar , dreamed the TV short , and someone online who had one played a trick on me ) . I kept the puppet , but as I moved on in my life , I pretty much forgot about it . I finished college , got married , and my wife should be giving birth in a few weeks . I was cleaning up a room for when the baby comes , and found the puppet , dusty and abandoned . I didn 't want my kid seeing it when he was little , so I picked it up , and decided I might as well wipe the dust off before moving it to another place . When I dusted it , I noticed a faded inscription on the back : Before I could figure out what this meant , I heard my wife starting to cry . I rushed to her , she looked more upset than I had ever seen her . Sobbing , she told me that the doctor had just called . There was a problem with the baby . . . Back then , the child did not understand a thing . He was dirty , restless and aching ; his face was covered with soot . Ever since the Bright Flash , he hadn 't been allowed to leave the house and it always seemed to be night time outside . He couldn 't see much out the windows , anyway ; there was too much smoke and ash , like a black snow day . Nobody came to visit . It was just Mom , Dad , him , and his Grandpa and Grandma . And now Grandma and Grandpa were gone . His tummy groaned once more and he tugged at his mother 's shirt , who looked about as dirty , tired , and restless as he did . He asked her for some of what she was eating , but she sweetly denied him , said this food was food ' for grown - ups , ' and she 'd get him something to eat soon enough . This was another of so many things that the boy did not understand . He pouted , turned , and left to find something that may distract him . The boy wandered around the empty house with the locked windows and doors and the dreary corridors . There was no power , so he couldn 't watch TV or play video games . He was tired of his action figures and board games . A sudden whiff caught his attention , though . He stoped and veered back towards the shut basement door , a place where he did not dare venture , for the basement was sure to hold monsters or at least rats . But there was a weird smell coming out of there today . It was the most interesting thing to happen in months since the Flash , so he pushed the door once , twice , and the wollen wood yielded with a slow creak . He heard sounds down there , like some shuffling , something muffled . It was too dark . Fear gripped his heart , but by now he was transfixed . He grasped the wall for the light switch , then suddenly remembered there was no electricity . Fortunately , in this time he had been taught to use candles and lighters effectively . He found such instruments resting upon a nearby table and lit the candle , casting a small aura of light around him . He gazed at the table ; it was covered in shears and blades . Turning towards the sound of the noise , he was suddenly taken aback and froze in place . It was Granny , leaning against the back wall . She was naked . Where her legs used to be , only cauterized stumps remained . She gazed at him so sweetly , but he was barely registering the situation ; it was too much for him . I was sitting in the upstairs office of the museum with a cup of coffee when it happened . It had been a long day and I 'd set the work experience kid the seemingly unfuck - up - able task of dusting the exhibits - after repeating my warning , of course , that some of them must not be touched or opened . A terrified scream , quickly strangled by a building - shaking thump and an awful rending sound , brought me rushing downstairs . The mirror room - I knew it . In there hung an ancient mirror , about a foot around , made of polished obsidian . Behind the glass walls of its display case , it was harmless , although people amusingly reported seeing the face of an evil hag in it on occasion . Looking at it unprotected was madness , though - certainly for those without knowledge of the old ways . I arrived in the mirror room and a horrible smell hung in the air . On the floor lay half a body - the lower half , still in the clothes I recognized from earlier . The skin had been stretched purple and torn away and the organs inside that hadn 't been torn free leaked their contents onto the floor . The legs were at the bottom of a maroon spray that started below the wooden case of the mirror , and the hipbone lay almost against the wall . The case was broken , the wooden sides pushed outwards . Clumps of hair , matted with skin and blood , stuck to the frame of the mirror . Concentrating now , I stepped in front of the black disc , my sandals carefully placed on either side of the bile - sprayed limbs and pool of blood on the floor . Looking into the dark reflection of the room , I saw my double once more . In her hand was a pale arm that led down to a broken form and a trail of darkness . Sure enough , when she lifted the half - corpse into the air , I recognized the shattered and stretched face . The coming months are the least pleasant part . You 'll find yourself unable to keep food down long before you 're far enough along to stop needing it . It 's the same with sleep . The color of your blood will be off and your veins will consequently stand out more . Expect a few in - grown body parts ; it 'll be little things , like fingers and ears and teeth , pressing up against the skin . Make sure you 're caught up on your booster shots because youre never going in for a check - up again . . . or wearing anything more revealing than a trench coat in public , most likely . The first object resembles a greasy black beechnut with maybe a tooth or two growing from it . When you 're dead , someone will eventually find it and use it to make a new batch of Dargaea 's Nectar . Hide it well to make things fun for future generations . The second object basically looks like a softball - sized cluster of veins , many of them broken and leaking black stuff , and all wrapped around something . It 'll squirm and you 'll notice the twisted little skinless fetus in the middle . It will only survive for about twenty seconds . Burn the remains . You can plant it anywhere you want . I advise some place where you don 't mind spending all your time and no one else would go . Your backyard or under your cellar works if you don 't have any roommates ; just as long as there 's fertile soil . Dig at least five feet down . It won 't want to be buried , but just keep piling dirt onto it . If you can still hear it when you 're finished , you didn 't go deep enough . Its veins ( or roots , I guess ) will eventually spread in all directions about a foot - and - a - half for every year of your life . Grass and weeds will grow stiff and body , black and oily , or take on the color and texture of a spider bite or rice paper . Wood will be infected , too ; you 'll hear the arteries in your walls pulsing on quiet nights . The ground will rot with dead insect and animal life . Don 't mow your lawn ; it bleeds like hell . No matter what threats or injuries beset you outside , here you will be safe and healthy . . . or , what appses for ' healthy ' for you now . If you really hate someone , bring them here . Trick them into coming . They 'll get infected one way or another - a lungful of spore , a thornprick , a bit of residue on their hand . . . They will vomit blood that has tiny centipedes in it . They 'll shit out their own spinal fluids . Their eyes will milk over and hatch ; little spines and brambles will grow from the sockets . They 'll survive for months or years and doctors will be baffled . It will be fucking great . That 's just for starters . You 'll learn more as you go . Much more . But if I told you everything now , you might not do it . Whatever you do , just guard the third object with your life , with your very soul . If you think you 're in danger of losing it , dig it up , kill it with a silver needle ; let someone else make a new one someday . You 'll feel as if you 've pierced your own heart , but it 's better than letting it fall into the wrong hands . Just last night / this morning , I had the most odd dream I can ever recall having - and I 've had some doozies . I 'm going to do my best to describe what I can remember in as much detail as I can . I would almost liken this dream to a video game in the survival horror series . . . games like the old Resident Evils , or Silent hill . The dream started with me looking through the eyes of someone else . This man was not me , but it was almost as if I was inhabiting this individual 's body and looking through his own eyes . There was a woman nearby that looked similar to my girlfriend , except older and it was not her . I do not recall her name , if it was even mentioned . She was a short redhead . There was another man also nearby ; He was middle aged and had slicked back brown hair . I do not recall his name , either . I do remember him addressing the man in which I was seeing through as " Phil " ( My name is not Phil ) . Apparently something bad was happening , but I can 't remember any speech from this portion of the dream . I remember the other man telling Phil that they needed something , but I can 't remember what it was . So , Phil ( hereby referred to as myself ) went off down an old dirt path . It was dusk and the area was very isolated in the county . Eventually , I came upon a small market and went inside . It looked like any old country store aside from the blood and dead bodies . A shaken man behind the counter told me to just take what he needed . I cannot remember what it was that was grabbed , but it was small and wrapped in a plastic bag . When I went back outside , a rusty blue truck slid to a stop nearby . The man from earlier was driving it and the woman was with him . He reached over and opened her door for her , then knocked her out into the dirt . He then stepped out , holding a gun , and cocked it . The gun was very odd looking ; it resembled a Famas , but had polished wood features not usually found on a rifle of that sort . I can 't remember exactly how , but I was on the ground , looking at the woman . It became obvious that this female was Phil 's significant other of some sort . The man walked over with the rifle and asked me something . I cannot recall what exactly was said , but it had something to do with me dying , and everyone except for the girl dying with him or the girl dying and everyone else being temporarily spared . I don 't understand that at all . Anyway , the woman gave me a nod , and after I answered , she was shot once in the head with the rifle and I was kicked in the head and knocked unconscious . When I finally awoke , it was dusk again , apparently the next day . I began traveling down another dirt path and eventually came upon a field of goats . There was a tin barrel in the corner of the pasture with something in it . I decided to check it out . I found the woman from before in it , decaying far faster than a normal body would . It had only been a day , but it looked as if it had been a week . Continuing on my way , I eventually found a school building and there was screaming inside . For whatever reason , I went inside . Again , there were dead bodies and blood everywhere . Children ran around screaming , strange shadow - like being with scythes for hands dismembering them . It was very gruesome and difficult to describe . For some reason , I just stood there as all of this went on . Eventually , things quieted and I decided to explore this facility . As I passed the girl 's bathroom I heard crying coming from inside and cautiously went in . I 'm surprised I didn 't awake at this moment feeling sick . Though not as bloody as the main halls , this room was also bloody and a little girl was huddled in the corner , having vomited on and around the toilet . It was very realistic looking and hard to bear . The little girl addressed me , " Phil ! You found me ! " . I never found out who this child was . She was never seen again , and I just sort of left the school . The whole event seemed very unnecessary . As I continued on my way , things shifted to a different perspective . I was now looking at two individuals from a 3rd person view . One was the man from before , except he had glowing , black wings that seemed to be made of shadow , or some type of aura . He was discussing something with an older gentleman who looked like a scientist of sorts . Again , I can 't remember much of what was said ( I can 't remember anything about the detail of the room , either ) , but I do remember the winged one saying " Is that all you care about ? ! " in an angered voice . Eventually , a white glowing aura made a circle on an area of the floor and the scientist instructed the wigned man to step into it . The man obeyed as if he were a puppet . When he stepped inside , there was a blinding light and screaming . When vision returned , the man had been transformed . He was now three times the size of a normal man and dressed in all black , including a sort or armored helmet than seemed to have a crows beak or sorts . This enigmatic creature had a mournful bellow and crushed the scientist into bits , literally . After that , I was back looking through Phil 's eyes . I had come upon a quaint country property . Oddly , it was my real life great grandmother 's home . I 'm going to try to describe the layout of my great grandmother 's home for you to more clearly understand what 's to come . When you first enter the back door , you are in a sort of porch / foyer . Though another door , you are inside the kitchen . In a corner of the kitchen , there are two doors . One leads to a hallway , the other to the living room . The living room has another door leading to a bedroom , which has another door leading into the hallway you can enter from the kitchen , forming a loop . In the hallway there is a door midway down that leads to a storage room , and at the end there is another bedroom and a bathroom . There is also a set of stairs . Upstairs , there is one large story area and one bedroom . I stepped inside the house . There was no blood , gore , or bodies , but apparently no one was home . I went though the kitchen and into the hallway . Just as I neared the middle door , that dreadful creature burst from the door with that same mournful bellow . He was so big , he had to crawl on his knees in order to fit in the house , which made him kind of slow . I turned around and ran into the kitchen , and then into the living room . I went around the loop and up the stairs , but the creature sluggishly continued on the route I had taken . Upstairs , I entered the bedroom and apparently pulled out chains and locks from nowhere and heavily secured the door . I felt safe here . It was peaceful . For whatever reason , I found three rocks on the nightstand and looked at the window . I had a plan ! Break the window , and escape to the roof . I threw one rock , and then another . They did nothing but crack and mar the window . The third broke through , but only a small hole . It would appear I was trapped . Frustrated , I paced around the bedroom . When I neared the door , the dreadful , mourning call was heard again and the door shook violently as this creature apparently rammed it . I leaned against the door as the creature rammed it again . The door loosened a little and I fell backwards and apparently , so did the monster on the other side . Little red numbers appeared and could be seen through the door as if around the monster , almost as if they were characters in some game and had taken damage . I felt very fatigued as I struggled to stand . Once on my feet , the monster broke the door in with another one of these dreadful cries , and ripped my right arm off . I was again seeing from a 3rd person perspective as Phil fell dead and his body was thrown out of the window . With another bellow , I awoke . I felt depressed all morning until about 11 : 30 a . m . Also , the entire dream was accompanied at various arts by piano music . All of it was very saddening , maybe even frightening , and most songs were dirges that I 've heard before . When nothing in particular was going on , however , there was this very haunting melody that I cannot remember ever hearing anywhere before and though I can play it back even now in my mind , I cannot describe it . It is a very unnerving tune . As her words began to form , interjected by that awful wheezing , a cold sweat crept through my body . I should not have come through here . I should have stayed upstairs . a very long time ago , when my grandpa was just a little boy , they moved into this house . It was nice : two betrooms , a nice bathroom , dining room , and kitchen . My great grandparents made a very decent living ; my great grandfather owned a very successful body shop and my great grandmother sold Avon . One day , my grandpa was playing in the living room when there was a knock at the door . He answered and there stood a man . He was wearing a nice suit and holding a nice hat against his chest with a polite smile on his face . " If you 're selling anything , I 'm not interested . Thanks , " He said , before trying to close the door . But no , this stranger interrupted with a start . " I was wondering if I could take a look in your attic . You see , I used to live here and it . . . it would really bring back some memories . " The man was nervous , but my great grandfather wasn 't about to fall for any con man ! " Now see here , mister . I already told you . I don 't want some stranger in my house . You leave me and my family alone before you upset my son and wife . And if you upset them I think there 's going to be some trouble ! " " Please , sir ! " The man pleaded , wringing his hands . " It 'll only take a moment . I absolutely must get up there if even for ten minutes ! " My great grandfather , great grandmother , and grandfather sat eating dinner one evening . I like to imagine they were having my grandma grandma 's ( this is what I called her ) roasted chicken and potatoes - so delicious . But I digress . Again , a knock at the door ; it sounded important . " Well , spit it out then , man . Now you 've gone and interrupted my supper after a long day 's work and this had better be good ! " My great grandfather threatened . His body was frail and gnarled , his skin was a ghostly white , and his bared teeth were yellow as freshly boiled sweet corn . His eyes were open , glazed over and staring . The pupils were milky ; he was blind . The whites were barely that ; instead they were bloodshot to a point that was almost unbelievable . His fingernails resembled long , brown talons . " Now you had both better explain to me right now just what in God 's name is going on here ! Is this some sort of sick joke ? " I ought to blow the brains out of both of you where you stand ! " He bellowed . " Sir , please understand , we ' r eno monsters . You see , this is our brother . " He began fretfully , looking at the mangled creature in the wall . " YOUR BROTHER ? ! You sick sons of bitches locked up your own brother in the wall ? " My great grandfather cried out , placing a hand on his queasy stomach . " Never , sir , never , " Said the man . " My father just passed . We never even knew this poor boy existed our whole entire lives , my other brother and I . Now it would seem our ' brother ' here was born with some sort of mental retardation , something that my mother and father could handle as parents , so they chose to do the unthinkable rather than face the public with their shame ! " He explained , motioning for the shell of a man ( mind you , this story takes place in a time when something like a mental defect was seen as a terribly embarrassing thing ) . " Get this . . . this . . . thing out of my house , send someone over to patch up your mess and then never , EVER come near my family again . You hear me ? " He ordered . " You can rely on that , sir . We had not wanted to bother you in the first place , but we couldn 't sleep at night knowing some poor family was stuck with him living up in your walls , you see . He probably was sucking the moisture from the ceiling and eatin ' bugs and mold , I would think . It 's amazing he could have survived ! " Jordan had laughed at his eccentric attire . He shot Jordan in the head . Sarah had laughed when he asked her to prom . He strangled her with a necktie . Aaron had made fun of his face accent . He killed him with a crowbar . He didn 't go home that night . He moved , out of the country and across the world . And he spent his nights among people who understood him , on the internet , broadening his vast collection of paranormal information . Apparently , that 's what happened to my friend , Jonathan , a few years ago . We were still in high school ( freshmen ) and lived your everyday life . One day , though , Jonathan got sick . He ws away from school for about a week and I didn 't hear a single word from him ( which is kind of weird - we were and still are best friends ) . I didn 't really have the time to focus on the fact that he had gone AWOL because we had tons of homework to do . " So it 's all over ? " He asked . I saw tears in his eyes . He hugged me and ran out of the classroom . I was confused by his actions and went to his house after school . His mother let me in . Jonathan was in the living room , apparently having a chat with his father . Jonathan seemed cheerful and greeted me with a hug ( which was very weird - he 's never been the huggy person ) . After having a cheerful chat for about ten minutes , he suddenly went quiet . He stared out through the window at times and didn 't really respond to all my questions . He asked me to follow him to his room and he seemed really anxious about it , so I followed . We sat there , quiet , for a while . I didn 't really want to disturb him . I was almost close to opening my mouth again when I suddenly noticed how quiet everything had become . It wasn 't only that I couldn 't hear the cars or the wind . I couldn 't hear my own breathing . " Yes , yes , I know , " I heard Jonathan say , which was fucking weird . That was the only thing I could hear . Imagine only being able to hear a voice and nothing else . " It 's happening again . Fuck . It 's happening again . No one remembered me , " He said in the creepiest fucking voice I ever heard . He never came back to school . He never came to visit me . His parents just couldn 't find him ; it was as if though he had disappeared into thin air . His parents gave up the search after about a year or two . A funeral was held in his name , but there wasn 't a body . What was weird , though , was the fact that no one ever sat in his spot at school - not even the new kids . It was as though his chair remained sacred . It was though it was already occupied . The creepiest thing of all is the fact that I think I see him at times , but it must be my mind playing tricks ; it 's almost as if he 's walking around without a care in the world . The very next moment I realize I must 've tricked myself . Right ? Recently , though , I have become more paranoid . It is as if I 'm being watched . Could it be that I trick myself into seeing Jonathan and that 's making me paranoid ? Or is it the fact that his last words still cling to my memory ? I saw a man watch me as I walked by the supermarket one day - after meeting his gaze , I have been feeling as if I was being watched every second . So , I 'm just telling you to watch your back - don 't meet his gaze . I 'm pretty fucking terrified right now . The worst thing , though , is that I can 't hear a thing . I can 't hear a thing except my own voice . And why the fuck is my mother pretending that she doesn 't know who I am ? Think back , and see if this image matches up with any of your memories : a big , old fashioned living room , lots of antique chairs , candle holders , expensive china , things like that . The objects in the room have a bluish tint , and there 's a big staircase across from the door . There are large windows , but the blinds are closed . The only light source is a faint amount of daylight shining through the curtains , but it 's a grey , rainy day . Does that seem familiar ? If not , you 're one of the lucky ones . For those of you who do share that memory with me , you may not remember exactly where that house is from . That 's because it 's a dream , a shared dream many people have had . How many ? There 's no way to say for sure , but of the people I 've asked , about 75 % had some memories of the house . For most , that was all it was , a faint memory , usually with negative connotations for no remembered reason . The truly unlucky ones , however , can remember more about the house . A typical dream about the house will begin with you alone in the room I described . There will be no other people in it , and the only sound will be the tapping noise of raindrops falling outside . Your vision will start to get blurry , going in and out of focus as everything seems to move very slightly . A music box will start playing ; the sound will be coming from every direction . You 'll hear the sound of footsteps from the above floor , it will get louder and louder . Just as you make out the faint silhouette of a person at the top of the staircase , you will most likely wake up . You 'll be nervous and depressed for a few days , but after that the dream will became a faint memory . If the dream continues , the figure at the top of the stairs will start walking down them , while the music box grows louder . With each step the figure takes , a body hanging from a noose will appear , seemingly dropping from the ceiling . When the figure reaches the floor you 're on , you 'll barely be able to see any parts of the room due to the hanging bodies . The person coming down the stairs will be covered in shadow , you won 't be able to make out any details about them beyond a humanoid shape . They will offer you a rope , and in your own voice ask " Do you wish to join them ? " I 'm guessing that saying yes will result in you immediately dying , not a single person I 've talked to said yes . If you say no , the figure will disappear , and a table holding the music box you 've been hearing will rise from the floor . The music box will open , and lyrics will be added to the music , in an enchanting female voice . This will be repeated over and over , and three cards will fly out of the box , number two , seven , and nine . If you pick seven , the dream will end , and you will feel normal when you wake up . If you pick two , you will wake and every second of your life will be filled with crushing depression , most people who pick two will kill themselves within a day . If you pick nine , a list of previous people who picked nine will appear on the table , along with the year it happened . Most of the years correspond with historical disasters , such as the black plague , the great depression , and Hitler 's rise to power . I 'm not sure what the effects of the most recent choice will be , but I did , after all , only make it a few days ago . " What the hell , you stupid fucks ? Stop camping or I 'll shove a scalding iron rod up your urethra ! " I grabbed another handful of pizza rolls off my plate and tried to swallow them all at once . I gagged a little and some fell onto my shirt , but I could manage . I was particularly furious , having been spawn - killed in Call of Duty for the past fourty - five minues . I couldn 't just leave - oh , no - leaving meant that those insipid cum guzzlers won . I blurted some more profanity into my microphone and dabbed my forehead with a towel . Having wiped the pizza grease from my hand onto my Pokemon bed sheets , I nonchalantly reached into my boxer shorts and scratched my testicles . After a couple of minutes , I pulled my hand back out and slowly raised it up to my nose . I took a deep whiff and instantly realized something was wrong . It smelled like spaghetti . What the hell ? When was the last time I even had spaghetti ? A chill ran down my spine . Thoughts ran through my head regarding diseases that caused your scrotum to smell like Italian food ; I convinced myself I was being ridiculous and focused on my important game session . Early the next morning , I was eating some Cap ' n Crunch in my dining room downstairs . A few dishes from God knows when still lay on the table ; they couldn 't hold a candle to the shitstorm in the kitchen . I shifted a little and felt my chair squeak under me . " Oh , Cap ' n , " I said while fluttering my eyes . " You 'd never leave me , would you ? " I stood up in order to reach the box to pour some more when my hand accidentally flipped over the bowl . The remaining milk splashed all over my legs . " Fucking NIGGERS ! " I balled my hands into chubby fists and punched Cap ' n right in his smug little mouth . The box fell over and cereal spilled out onto the table like an eviscerated monkey 's dinner . I calmed myself , pinching the bridge of my nose and sighing . I 'd need some paper towels . I headed into the kitchen and sidestepped around some of the garbage bags . I reached the counter with little time to spare and grabbed the whole roll just to be safe . After cleaning up my mess , I went into my room , took off my boxer shorts , and thre wthem into my hamper . I grabbed some underwear out of my drawer , but before I had the chance to put them on , I remembered my experience from last evening . I stared down at my crotch in silence for a couple of minutes before mustering up the courage to grab my balls . I handled them around a bit before disengaging and bringing my hand up to my face . I gasped and staggered backwards , falling onto my bed and probably splitting a crack in the frame . There was no doubt about it . Salt and vinegar chips . I fucking despise salt and vinegar chips . I was at a loss for words . Suddenly , I didn 't feel safe in my own apartment . The rest of the day I pretty much sat around in a trance , trying to comprehend the implications of this phenomenon and drolling a little . Night came soon enough , giving me a chance to rest my mind . I fell asleep quickly . My eyes opened drowsily as I woke up . I had kicked my covers to the side while I was asleep . My alarm clock read 2 : 17 AM . Ugh , whatever . I propped myself up to grab my covers and screamed . At the edge of my bed sat the most putrid , disgusting creature I had ever seen ( no , I was NOT looking in a mirror ) . Its beady eyes were sunken into its contorted mockery of a face , with patches of hair dotting its scalp . Mottled grey flesh was peeling all over its body , and in some places there were clusters of tumors with puss leaking out . But the worst thing was its mouth . Oh , God , its mouth . It had no lips , and its long , yellow , gnarled teeth jutted out at an unnatural angle , with enough space in - between for its barbed tongue to hang out . I wanted to puke , or scream , or something , but I was in shock . I began to move my legs when I realized that something was wrong with my crotch . I didn 't dare look down to find out what it was . It was then that I noticed the . . . thing was holding something . A fucking knife . Wait , no . . . Now that my eyes were adjusting to the dimness , I could see the shape was wrong . What was that . . . a goddamn butter knife ? Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
Steve : stuffed clams Oops ! I thought he actually liked them . No wonder he thought I was mad at him the other day when I fixed them for supper . Well don 't let it fool you . It 's a lie . It may put on an innocent look , but underneath , it 's like this . You see a few months ago the ignition switch in it was going out . When Steve didn 't fix it in what I thought was a reasonable amount of time , I got a little snappy about it . And I got spanked . And last night , it got me spanked again . You see my tag expired last month . Normally that 's not a big deal . I get my inspection done , pay my property tax on it and then head to the tag office for my renewal sticker . But we were broke . Really broke . Broke enough that we were rolling change to get Steve to work . So I parked my car and started driving our other truck . It wasn 't ideal because I don 't like driving that truck . It 's not sporty like my car . It 's big and hard to see out of . And it 's just downright difficult to drive . But I had to have something to drive so I could get our daughter back and forth to school . Then Steve got paid . When he handed me the money , he said he wanted my tag renewed first thing Monday morning . I reminded him that it was a holiday so he said first thing Tuesday morning then . After being up for two days with very little sleep , I was exhausted Tuesday morning when the alarm went off . So as soon as everyone left , I crawled back in bed for a few more hours . Then once I got up , I was still tired and not at all motivated so I put it off , figuring I 'd get to it later in the day . When Steve came home from work , he didn 't ask and I didn 't tell . We played with our daughter , visited with each other and had supper . Then he went to put our daughter to bed ( she 's definitely a Daddy 's girl ) . As soon as he walked back into the room , he asked if I had got it done . I didn 't have to answer . That deer in the headlights look did it for me . Then he asked why . Was I working ? Did some emergency come up ? Was I busy Ugh ! That feeling settled in the pit of my stomach . We watched TV for a while , but I couldn 't concentrate . Finally I went to check my email . When I came back in the living room , he was nowhere in sight . Neither were the dogs . I quietly opened the bedroom door and saw he was asleep with them . So I tiptoed in , figuring I 'd slip into bed , having dodged that bullet . I 'm no dummy . I knew Steve wasn 't happy with me and I certainly wasn 't going to wake him up . But I didn 't have to . Either he wasn 't as asleep as I thought he was or he heard me come in . As soon as I started to climb into bed , he told me to put the dogs out . I knew it wasn 't going to be pleasant when he started with a warmup . And it wasn 't . After what seemed to be a very short warm up , he went straight to hard , rapid - fire swats . By the time he was done , I was in tears . I slept with the covers off last night . This morning before Steve left for work , he reminded me to get the car taken care of . He also added that last night would seem like a warmup compared to what 's going to happen tonight if it isn 't taken care of . He didn 't even relent when he found out that I was going to be babysitting today . So now I have to do all that stuff with kids in tow . Last night I was at the sink doing dishes when he told me he was going to bed . A minute later , I heard him call the dogs to come to bed with him . I was a little disappointed that he took the dogs because I know he doesn 't spank when they 're in the room because my little protector interferes . It wasn 't so much that I was wanting to be spanked . I just felt like he had forgotten about it , especially since it was supposed to happen the night before . It had been postponed because we were both tired from working ( I had went with him again ) and he knew I was sore because I had a run - in with a bee on the job site . While I normally don 't have a reaction to bee stings , for some reason this time it made my leg swell up quite a bit and it was hurting . I finished up the dishes and headed for the bedroom , putting the dogs out when I came in . We snuggled and watch TV for a bit and then he asked if I was ready . I don 't know why he always asks me that . Nine times out of ten , the answer is no . But even as I was saying no , I was grabbing my pillow and getting in position . Nothing happened for a minute . Then he started and I busted out laughing . You know that drumroll thing they sometimes do before a big announcement . Yeah , he was doing that on my backside . He had the paddle in one hand and his wooden turner in the other hand . Even though they 're both wooden , it was a weird sensation because they feel totally different . He stopped for a minute until I could get the laughter under control . Then he resumed and I cracked up again . He was still drumming , but was now humming along to the beat . He quit playing after that and got down to business . Later as we were snuggling up , I asked if he was trying to drum up some good behavior . He smirked and said absolutely . We have done a lot of talking this past week . We 've talked about the fight . We 've talked about us . And yes , we eventually talked about DD too . After talking , we realized we both could have handled things differently . Steve was stressed and irritated about several things not related to us . Because his temper was already up , a minor issue got blew way out of proportion . He admitted he went overboard with his remarks . That 's why he let me go when I started withdrawing and pushing him away , not realizing in leaving me alone , he was hurting me more . And I have some blame in all this as well . I should have talked to him instead of withdrawing . If I had , I could have saved myself some heartbreak . It turns out the trust issue I thought was there wasn 't exactly as I believed . I had heard about it from a friend , who had got it from someone else , and somewhere along the way it grew into something bigger than it was . It 's kind of like that childhood game Telephone . You sit in a circle and one person whispers a phrase in the ear of the person sitting beside them . You continue around the circle until the last person speaks the phrase out loud . Usually by that point , the phrase bears little or no resemblance to the original . It didn 't seem like he had noticed their disappearance . I wasn 't sure he would say anything even if he did notice . The DD area of our relationship has been floundering for a while . I was beginning to think he was just going to let it die a quiet death . Steve must have been feeling pretty determined about it because he just pulled me into the bedroom and reminded me that he still had one implement . He did . He was wearing his belt the day I gathered the implements so I couldn 't get it . Then he reached for the buckle and I darted towards the door . It surprised us both because I 've never ran from a spanking , role affirmation or otherwise . I may have sat down fast to avoid a swat or tried to talk or bribe my way out of it but I 've never ran . I think he set a new speed record . Even though I was closer to the door than he was , by the time I got there he was standing in front of it with his belt in hand . I backtracked , diving across the bed , but short of going out the window , there wasn 't any other way out of the room . So we stood staring at each other across the bed . I can 't quite explain it , but there 's something about his belt that affects me on a totally different level than any of our other implements . It 's not the pain because they all hurt , some more than others . I guess it 's more of an emotional or even psychological effect . Steve must have saw something in my face because he dropped the belt . He held out his hand and told me to " Come here . " I took his hand and he pulled me down on the bed , laying down beside me . We talked for a long time . We even had a good laugh when it occurred to me that it wouldn 't have done much good to throw away the hanger when we have a whole closet full of them . Clearly I hadn 't thought that one through very well . Eventually we did get around to role affirmation that night , although he didn 't use the belt . I relented and told him where I had hid the implements . He went easy on me because it had been nearly a month since my last spanking , but it still hurt like the dickens . The one a couple days later did too . He 's decided role affirmation will be every other day for now so it shouldn 't take too long before I 'm back to my usual buns of steel . We 're taking the whole experience as a learning experience . As much as we would all love for this journey to always be on smooth road , occasionally we 're going to hit patches of rough road or other obstacles . But as long as we hold onto each other , we can get through it and find out way back to smoother ground . Steve and I have never really been a couple that fights . It 's rare for us to go more than a day or two without resolving things when we do fight . Usually we 're tripping over each other in our haste to make up . This wasn 't one of those cases . It had been nearly a week since it all started . He continued to act like everything was okay , not realizing that he was just upsetting me even more by doing it . I still didn 't trust myself not to say anything so I continued to avoid him . We were barely speaking . We weren 't touching at all . I fell asleep every night hugging the edge of the bed and crying quietly . The first indication that he was acknowledging my anger came about over one of the dogs . He called one over , only to have it ignore him and walk in the opposite direction . Steve said it was mad at him , just like everyone else . Our daughter piped up that she wasn 't mad at him . I didn 't say a word . A little later that day we went to a local spring carnival hosted by the recreation department . They had inflatables , games , pool fun and tons of other stuff to do . It was all free . The only thing they charged for was food and drinks . Our daughter headed straight for her favorite thing , a room full of inflatables . We stood together watching her . Even though we were side by side , it was obvious that we were miles apart . She kept trying to get him to join her , but he kept saying no , he would just watch . Finally she convinced him to try out one of the things with her . It was basically two side by side tunnels . You strap on this belt that has a bungee cord attached to the back and attempt to run on the bouncy floor and get further than your opponent . It 's kind of hard to explain so I found a video for you . There 's something about a man making a fool out of himself for his kid that never fails to make me smile . The expression on Steve 's face when he went as far as he could and that cord snapped him back made me laugh so hard I nearly peed myself . He kept trying , as did our daughter , until their time was up . By the time it was , I was laughing so hard I was having trouble catching my breath . She moved on to another inflatable . While we were standing there , I noticed he kept looking across the room . Finally I turned to see what had his attention . It was a jousting inflatable . Basically it was two pedestals on top of a bouncy mat . You stand on the pedestals and use a big padded stick to try to knock your opponent off of their pedestal . Helmets were provided in case someone decided to smack you in the head . Here 's a video so you can see what I 'm talking about . He said we should do it . We , as in me and him . I thought about it for a minute . I 'll admit I was tempted . I mean how often do you get to whack the crap out of someone that you 're upset with . I didn 't want to hurt him , but it did seem like something that would let me work out some frustration . I asked if he really was going to stand there and let me smack him with that stick . He looked me right in the eye and said sure . Something loosened inside of me . It 's one thing to make a fool of himself for our daughter . But he was willing to make a fool of himself , standing there while I pummeled him in front of probably 200 people , just for me . He told me later he would have done anything just to make me smile again . I leaned into him and his arms went around me . He said he was sorry he had messed things up so bad and that he had missed me . My eyes filled up and I turned my face into his chest to compose myself before our daughter or anyone else saw the tears . The carnival ended a few minutes later and we walked out hand in hand . Afterwards , we stopped at the grocery store for sandwich supplies and headed for the park where we had a family picnic . Later that evening after our daughter was in bed , we finally sat down and talked for a long time . We haven 't talked about the DD aspect yet , but we are talking about us again . Posted by Love , respect and trust . These are the foundation of any relationship - marriage , DD or otherwise . When one of those is missing , a rift forms . Let untended , the rift can grow . As it grows , that foundation grows shakier until the whole thing comes tumbling down . A rift can be repaired if you care enough to make the effort . But it 's important to move fast to preserve the integrity of your foundation . Wait too long and the rift takes more effort to repair , if it 's even possible . A crack formed in our foundation when something was said that upset me . Rather than let a small thing cause a big problem . , I chose to fix the crack myself . I let go of what was basically a tactless remark and let the memories of feeling loved , cherished and taken care of while dealing with my toothache heal the breach . Another thing was said a day later . It wasn 't simply a tactless remark or even something that I took the wrong way . It was deliberate and cut deep . That 's one of the problems with growing so close . Your partner knows exactly where to strike to have the most impact . I was hurt and angry . Once again , I tried to rise above it , but this time I didn 't succeed . A rift formed . I withdrew behind the wall that was going up fast . He made no attempt to fix things . The one time I tried to talk to him , he shut me down hard , basically telling me he didn 't do anything wrong and I was just being grumpy . Then I found out something he had did behind my back . He didn 't cheat , but the issue is something that I feel strongly about . We had talked about it before and he had swore he would never do it . And yet I found out he had . The hurt and anger grew . So did the wall . So did the rift . I didn 't even try to talk to him . I just withdrew even deeper . I didn 't trust myself not to lash out so I started avoiding him , leaving the room whenever he came in . I wasn 't feeling loved or respected . I didn 't feel too trusting . That has no place in DD . So I took it out of the equation . I bagged up all of our implements and headed out to the bin on the curb , knowing it was due to be picked up soon . But I couldn 't do it . Maybe it was my inner frugality rebelling against the thought of tossing items we had paid for with hard - earned money . Maybe it was the hope that he would see what was going on and attempt to fix things . Whatever it was , I brought the bag back inside , storing it away where it wouldn 't be easily uncovered . It was Wednesday when I set out for the curb with that bag . It took me two days to even get to the point where I decided to post about it . To be honest , I felt kind of weird posting that things had gone so wrong when I was just posting last week about how good they were . But while I could talk to my offline friends about us not getting along , I couldn 't talk to them about being hurt enough to call a halt to DD . So I came here . She entered the room with purpose , a garbage bag in her hand . Working quickly , she gathered each one from its resting place , tossing them on the bed as she went . When they were all assembled , she started . Others were more difficult as they were awash with memories . The first one she bought him . One they had bought together . Another that had brought laughter . One that had been bought for him as a gift . When the final one went into the bag , she took one last look around the room . Only one was missing and that couldn 't be helped because it wasn 't there to add to her collection . Then she took a deep breath and walked from the room , bag in hand . Yes , I did . No , he doesn 't know . At least I don 't think he does . No , I 'm not ready to talk about why yet . As our anniversary approached , I began making plans in my head . Since it fell during the week this year , I figured we probably wouldn 't be able to do something on the actual day so I made arrangements for our daughter to go to her grandparents ' house the weekend before our anniversary . I figured we 'd exchange cards , go out for a nice dinner , do a little shopping at the adult store and then come home for a couple hours of playtime before we had to pick our daughter up . That 's not quite what happened . A raging toothache started a couple nights before our planned date . Steve was very sweet about it , taking over for me whenever possible so I could rest since the only relief I could get was when I took enough medicine to knock myself out . Some major misbehavior by our daughter on the day she was supposed to go to her grandparents ' led to her getting grounded . Since I was in so much pain , I didn 't even really mind that we were missing out on our evening out . I started trying to find a dentist even though I knew we couldn 't really afford it . I called the place I usually go to , only to find out that they were no longer taking adult patients . I called the health department dental clinic because I knew they worked on a sliding scale . Despite multiple calls , I never could get ahold of anyone there . I started working my way through the dentists listed in the phone book , but none had an opening for at least a week . None would call in pain medication or antibiotics without seeing me either . I called my regular doctor to see if she would prescribe them , but couldn 't get through to her so I left a message with her nurse When Steve returned home from taking our daughter to school , I was in tears . It shocked him because I have a very high tolerance for pain . I didn 't even cry while I was in labor with our daughter . I asked him to take over calling because the swelling was making it difficult for people to understand me when I spoke . I forget how he responded , but it irritated me and I snapped at him before leaving the room to lay down with an icepack . A few minutes later , he came in the bedroom and told me to get up . I thought I was in trouble over snapping at him and I was ready to do battle over it . Instead he told me to hurry up because he 'd found a dentist willing to see me right away . While the dentist hadn 't said they would pull the tooth , they had promised to do something to make me more comfortable . While it wasn 't quite the anniversary I pictured in my mind , I can 't say it was necessarily a bad one . Steve has been great through the entire experience . He kept calling until he found a dentist willing to take me right away . He 's babied me , fixing my meals , making sure I take my medications on time , taking over my normal duties as far as the household chores and taking care of our daughter , and even getting up in the middle of the night for an icepack when the pain returned and it was too early for another pain pill . Of all our anniversaries , this probably ranks as the one I have felt most loved and cherished . For the purposes of this blog , I 'm Dana and my husband is Steve . We 've married and have a child together . Like most couples , we 've had our problems . After coming to the realization that my procrastination and disrespect was a huge problem in our marriage , I started exploring options . I came across domestic discipline ( DD ) a while back , but it took a bit for me to work up my nerve to bring up the subject with my husband . To my surprise , he didn 't think I was crazy for bringing it up and now we 've begun a new stage in our relationship . I 'm working harder to be the wife I should have been all along and have given him the authority to redirect me if I get off the path we 've chosen together . I started this blog for a variety of reasons : to document our journey ( in case we want to look back ) , to connect with others with DD relationships ( because everyone around me is vanilla to the core ) and to help work out issues I 'm dealing with ( since writing things out helps ) . I welcome others ' input so feel free to comment or email ( danaandstevek @ gmail . com ) . Join us and other like - minded individuals in chat for some great conversation . ADDS ChatThe ADDS chatroom offers a Sunday morning community sit down discussion , a Monday night topic discussion and bi - weekly HoH and tih chats . D & L ChatThe Discipline & Love chatroom offers Sunday night topic discussions . Both chats are free and do not require registration to join the conversation . Both are open 24 / 7 so if you miss the scheduled chats , you can still stop in for general discussion at any time . |
You ask me if I can forgive myself ? I can forgive myself for many things . For where I left him . For what I did . But I will not forgive myself for the year that I hated my daughter , when I believed her to have run away , perhaps to the city . During that year I forbade her name to be mentioned , and if her name entered my prayers when I prayed , it was to ask that she would one day learn the meaning of what she had done , of the dishonour that she had brought to my family , of the red that ringed her mother 's eyes . I hate myself for that , and nothing will ease that , not even what happened that night , on the side of the mountain . I had searched for nearly ten years , although the trail was cold . I would say that I found him by accident , but I do not believe in accidents . If you walk the path , eventually you must arrive at the cave . But that was later . First , there was the valley on the mainland , the whitewashed house in the gentle meadow with the burn splashing through it , a house that sat like a square of white sky against the green of the grass and the heather just beginning to purple . And there was a boy outside the house , picking wool from off a thornbush . He did not see me approaching , and he did not look up until I said , " I used to do that . Gather the wool from the thorn - bushes and twigs . My mother would wash it , then she would make me things with it . A ball , and a doll . " He turned . He looked shocked , as if I had appeared out of nowhere . And I had not . I had walked many a mile , and had many more miles to go . I said , " I walk quietly . Is this the house of Calum MacInnes ? " The boy nodded , drew himself up to his full height , which was perhaps two fingers bigger than mine , and he said , " I am Calum MacInnes . " " Is there another of that name ? For the Calum MacInnes that I seek is a grown man . " The boy said nothing , just unknotted a thick clump of sheep 's wool from the clutching fingers of the thorn - bush . I said , " Your father , perhaps ? Would he be Calum MacInnes as well ? " I said , " Because I have something to ask your father . Man 's business . " And I saw a smile start at the tips of his lips . " It 's not a bad thing to be small , young Calum . There was a night when the Campbells came knocking on my door , a whole troop of them , twelve men with knives and sticks , and they demanded of my wife , Morag , that she produce me , as they were there to kill me , in revenge for some imagined slight . And she said , ' Young Johnnie , run down to the far meadow , and tell your father to come back to the house , that I sent for him . ' And the Campbells watched as the boy ran out the door . They knew that I was a most dangerous person . But nobody had told them that I was a wee man , or if that had been told them , it had not been believed . " " Did the boy call you ? " said the lad . " It was no boy , " I told him , " but me myself , it was . And they 'd had me , and still I walked out the door and through their fingers . " " It was a disagreement about the ownership of cattle . They thought the cows were theirs . I maintained the Campbells ' ownership of them had ended the first night the cows had come with me over the hills . " " Wait here , " said young Calum MacInnes . I sat by the burn and looked up at the house . It was a good - sized house : I would have taken it for the house of a doctor or a man of law , not of a border reaver . There were pebbles on the ground and I made a pile of them , and I tossed the pebbles , one by one , into the burn . I have a good eye , and I enjoyed rattling the pebbles over the meadow and into the water . I had thrown a hundred stones when the boy returned , accompanied by a tall , loping man . His hair was streaked with grey , his face was long and wolfish . There are no wolves in those hills , not any longer , and the bears have gone too . He said nothing in return , only stared ; I am used to stares . I said , " I am seeking Calum MacInnes . If you are he , say so , I will greet you . If you are not he , tell me now , and I will be on my way . " " What business would you have with Calum MacInnes ? " I stared at him . " That is hard to say , " I told him . " For there are some who say it does not exist . There is a certain cave on the Misty Isle . " He said , " I will not tell you where the cave is . " " I am not here asking for directions . I seek a guide . And two travel more safely than one . " He looked me up and down , and I waited for the joke about my size , but he did not make it , and for that I was grateful . He just said , " When we reach the cave , I will not go inside . You must bring out the gold yourself . " I said , " It is all one to me . " I said , " You will be paid well for your trouble . " I reached into my jerkin , handed him the pouch I had in there . " This for taking me . Another , twice the size , when we return . " He poured the coins from the pouch into his huge hand , and he nodded . " Silver , " he said . " Good . " Then , " I will say good - bye to my wife and son . " He said , " I was a reaver in my youth , and reavers travel light . I 'll bring a rope , for the mountains . " He patted his dirk , which hung from his belt , and went back into the whitewashed house . I never saw his wife , not then , nor at any other time . I do not know what colour her hair was . I threw another fifty stones into the burn as I waited , until he returned , with a coil of rope thrown over one shoulder , and then we walked together away from a house too grand for any reaver , and we headed west . The mountains between the rest of the world and the coast are gradual hills , visible from a distance as gentle , purple , hazy things , like clouds . They seem inviting . They are slow mountains , the kind you can walk up easily , like walking up a hill , but they are hills that take a full day and more to climb . We walked up the hill , and by the end of the first day we were cold . I saw snow on the peaks above us , although it was high summer . We said nothing to each other that first day . There was nothing to be said . We knew where we were going . A path of sorts ran across the high hills , and we followed it and encountered almost nobody : a tinker and his donkey , piled high with old pots , and a girl leading the donkey , who smiled at me when she thought me to be a child , and then scowled when she perceived me to be what I am , and would have thrown a stone at me had the tinker not slapped her hand with the switch he had been using to encourage the donkey ; and , later , we overtook an old woman and a man she said was her grandson , on their way back across the hills . We ate with her , and she told us that she had attended the birth of her first great - grandchild , that it was a good birth . She said she would tell our fortunes from the lines in our palms , if we had coins to cross her palm . I gave the old biddy a clipped lowland groat , and she looked at my palm . She paused , there in the highest of the high lands , where the summer winds have winter on their breath , where they howl and whip and slash the air like knives . She said , " There was a woman in a tree . There will be a man in a tree . " To Calum MacInnes she said , " Your palm has been burned . " He said that was true . She said , " Give me your other hand , your left hand . " He did so . She gazed at it , intently . Then , " You return to where you began . You will be higher than most other men . And there is no grave waiting for you , where you are going . " He said , " You tell me that I will not die ? " " It is a left - handed fortune . I know what I have told you , and no more . " She knew more . I saw it in her face . We slept in the open that night . The night was clear and cold , and the sky was hung with stars that seemed so bright and close I felt as if I could have reached out my arm and gathered them , like berries . We lay side by side beneath the stars , and Calum MacInnes said , " Death awaits you , she said . But death does not wait for me . I think mine was the better fortune . " " Ah , " he said . " It is all nonsense . Old - woman talk . It is not truth . " I woke in the dawn mist to see a stag , watching us curiously . The third day we crested those mountains , and we began to walk downhill . My companion said , " When I was a boy , my father 's dirk fell into the cooking fire . I pulled it out , but the metal hilt was as hot as the flames . I did not expect this , but I would not let the dirk go . I carried it away from the fire , and plunged the sword into the water . It made steam . I remember that . My palm was burned , and my hand curled , as if it was meant to carry a sword until the end of time . " I said , " You , with your hand . Me , only a little man . It 's fine heroes we are , who seek our fortunes on the Misty Isle . " The rain began to fall then , and did not stop falling . That night we passed a small croft house . There was a trickle of smoke from its chimney , and we called out for the owner , but there was no response . I pushed open the door and called again . The place was dark , but I could smell tallow , as if a candle had been burning and had recently been snuffed . " Would you care to come out ? " I asked . " For we are travellers , seeking warmth and shelter and hospitality . We would share with you our oats and our salt and our whisky . And we will not harm you . " I said , " I am but a little man , good lady , no bigger than a child , you could send me flying with a blow . My companion is a full - sized man , but I do swear that we shall do nothing to you , save partake of your hospitality , and dry ourselves . Please do come out . " I gave her some of our oats , and Calum produced strips of dried meat from his pocket , and she went out to the field and returned with a pair of scrawny turnips , and she prepared food for the three of us . I ate my fill . She had no appetite . I believe that Calum was still hungry when his meal was done . He poured whisky for the three of us : she took but a little , and that with water . The rain rattled on the roof of the house , and dripped in the corner , and , unwelcoming though it was , I was glad that I was inside . It was then that a man came through the door . He said nothing , only stared at us , untrusting , angry . He pulled off his cape of oiled sacking , and his hat , and he dropped them on the earth floor . They dripped and puddled . The silence was oppressive . The woman - little more than a girl she was , while her husband 's beard was grey and white , so I wondered if she was his daughter for a moment , but no : there was but one bed , scarcely big enough for two - the woman went outside , into the sheep pen that adjoined the house , and returned with oatcakes and a dried ham she must have hidden there , which she sliced thin , and placed on a wooden trencher before the man . Calum poured the man whisky , and said , " We seek the Misty Isle . Do you know if it is there ? " The man looked at us . The winds are bitter in the high lands , and they would whip the words from a man 's lips . He pursed his mouth , then he said , " Aye . I saw it from the peak this morning . It 's there . I cannot say if it will be there tomorrow . " We slept on the hard - earth floor of that cottage . The fire went out , and there was no warmth from the hearth . The man and his woman slept in their bed , behind the curtain . He had his way with her , beneath the sheepskin that covered that bed , and before he did that , he beat her for feeding us and for letting us in . I heard them , and could not stop hearing them , and sleep was hard in the finding that night . We were a mile from the place when I said , " The island . You asked if it would be there . Surely , an island is there , or it is not there . " Calum hesitated . He seemed to be weighing his words , and then he said , " The Misty Isle is not as other places . And the mist that surrounds it is not like other mists . " He said , " They also call it the Winged Isle . Some say it is because the island , if seen from above , would look like butterfly wings . And I do not know the truth of it . " Then , " ' And what is truth ? ' said jesting Pilate . " It is harder coming down than it is going up . I thought about it . " Sometimes I think that truth is a place . In my mind , it is like a city : there can be a hundred roads , a thousand paths , that will all take you , eventually , to the same place . It does not matter where you come from . If you walk toward the truth , you will reach it , whatever path you take . " Calum MacInnes looked down at me and said nothing . Then , " You are wrong . The truth is a cave in the black mountains . There is one way there , and one only , and that way is treacherous and hard , and if you choose the wrong path you will die alone , on the mountainside . " We crested the ridge , and we looked down to the coast . I could see villages below , beside the water . And I could see high black mountains before me , on the other side of the sea , coming out of the mist . Calum said , " There 's your cave . In those mountains . " " Only once . " He hesitated . " I searched for it all my sixteenth year , for I had heard the legends , and I believed if I sought I should find . I was seventeen when I reached it , and came back with all the gold coins I could carry . " " A portion I buried and I alone know where . The rest I used as brideprice for the woman I loved , and I built a fine house with it . " He stopped as if he had already said too much . I stood tall . I am not as big as other men are , but I have as much pride as any of them . " I am also a man , " I said . " I 'll pay your shilling . " The ferryman looked me up and down , then he scratched his beard . " I beg your pardon . My eyes are not what they once were . I shall take you to the island . " I handed him a shilling . He weighed it in his hand , " That 's ninepence you did not cheat me out of . Nine pennies are a lot of money in this dark age . " The water was the colour of slate , although the sky was blue , and whitecaps chased one another across the water 's surface . He untied the boat and hauled it , rattling , down the shingle to the water . We waded out into the cold water , and clambered inside . The splash of oars on seawater , and the boat propelled forward in easy movements . I sat closest to the ferryman . I said , " Ninepence . It is good wages . But I have heard of a cave in the mountains on the Misty Isle , filled with gold coins , the treasure of the ancients . " Calum was staring at me , lips pressed together so hard they were white . I ignored him and asked the man again , " A cave filled with golden coins , a gift from the Norsemen or the Southerners or from those who they say were here long before any of us : those who fled into the West as the people came . " " Heard of it , " said the ferryman . " Heard also of the curse of it . I reckon that the one can take care of the other . " He spat into the sea . Then he said , " You 're an honest man , dwarf . I see it in your face . Do not seek this cave . No good can come of it . " " I am certain I am , " he said . " For not every day is it that I take a reaver and a little dwarfy man to the Misty Isle . " Then he said , " In this part of the world , it is not considered lucky to talk about those who went to the West . " And after what seemed like half a lifetime the boat was tied to a long jetty of black stones . We walked the jetty as the waves crashed around us , the salt spray kissing our faces . There was a humpbacked man at the landing selling oatcakes and plums dried until they were almost stones . I gave him a penny and filled my jerkin pockets with them . I am old now , or at least , I am no longer young , and everything I see reminds me of something else I 've seen , such that I see nothing for the first time . A bonny girl , her hair fiery red , reminds me only of another hundred such lasses , and their mothers , and what they were as they grew , and what they looked like when they died . It is the curse of age , that all things are reflections of other things . I say that , but my time on the Misty Isle , that is also called , by the wise , the Winged Isle , reminds me of nothing but itself . It is a day from that jetty until you reach the black mountains . Calum MacInnes looked at me , half his size or less , and he set off at a loping stride , as if challenging me to keep up . His legs propelled him across the ground , which was wet , and all ferns and heather . I let him get ahead of me , let him press on into the rain , until he was swallowed by the wet , grey haze . Then , and only then , I ran . This is one of the secret things of me , the things I have not revealed to any person , save to Morag , my wife , and Johnnie and James , my sons , and Flora , my daughter ( may the Shadows rest her poor soul ) : I can run , and I can run well , and , if I need to I can run faster and longer and more sure - footedly than any full - sized man ; and it was like this that I ran then , through the mist and the rain , taking to the high ground and the blackrock ridges , yet keeping below the skyline . He was ahead of me , but I spied him soon , and I ran on and I ran past him , on the high ground with the brow of the hill between us . Below us was a stream . I can run for days without stopping . That is the first of my three secrets , and one secret I have revealed to no man . We had discussed already where we would camp that first night on the Misty Isle , and Calum had told me that we would spend the night beneath the rock that is called Man and Dog , for it is said that it looks like an old man with his dog by his side , and I reached it late in the afternoon . There was a shelter beneath the rock , which was protected and dry , and some of those who had been before us had left firewood behind , sticks and twigs and branches . I made a fire and dried myself in front of it and took the chill from my bones . The woodsmoke blew out across the heather . He nodded . We ate the trout , drank whisky to warm ourselves . There was a mound of heather and of ferns , dried and brown , piled high in the rear of the shelter , and we slept upon that , wrapped tight in our damp cloaks . I woke in the night . There was cold steel against my throat - the flat of the blade , not the edge . I said , " And why would you ever kill me in the night , Calum MacInnes ? For our way is long , and our journey is not yet over . " " It is not me you must trust , " I told him , " but those that I serve . And if you left with me but return without me , there are those who will know the name of Calum MacInnes , and cause it to be spoken in the shadows . " The cold blade remained at my throat . He said , " How did you get ahead of me ? " " And here was I , repaying ill with good , for I made you food and a fire . I am a hard man to lose , Calum MacInnes , and it ill becomes a guide to do as you did today . Now , take your dirk from my throat and let me sleep . " He said nothing , but after a few moments , the blade was removed . I forced myself neither to sigh nor to breathe , hoping he could not hear my heart pounding in my chest ; and I slept no more that night . For breakfast , I made porridge , and threw in some dried plums to soften them . The mountains were black and grey against the white of the sky . We saw eagles , huge and ragged of wing , circling above us . Calum set a sober pace and I walked beside him , taking two steps for every one of his . The clouds came down at noon and the world was blanketed by a mist that was worse than rain : droplets of water hung in the air , soaked our clothes and our skin ; the rocks we walked upon became treacherous and Calum and I slowed in our ascent , stepped carefully . We were walking up the mountain , not climbing , up goat paths and craggy sharp ways . The rocks were black and slippery : we walked , and climbed and clambered and clung , we slipped and slid and stumbled and staggered , and even in the mist , Calum knew where he was going , and I followed him . He paused at a waterfall that splashed across our path , thick as the trunk of an oak . He took the thin rope from his shoulders , wrapped it about a rock . " This was not here before , " he told me . " I 'll go first . " He tied one end of the rope about his waist and edged out along the path , into the falling water , pressing his body against the wet rock face , edging slowly , intently through the sheet of water . The rope held , and the rock beside me held . Calum MacInnes dangled from the end of the rope . He looked up at me , and I sighed , anchored myself by a slab of crag , and I wound and pulled him up and up . I hauled him back onto the path , dripping and cursing . He said , " You 're stronger than you look , " and I cursed myself for a fool . He must have seen it on my face for , after he shook himself ( like a dog , sending droplets flying ) , he said , " My boy Calum told me the tale you told him about the Campbells coming for you , and you being sent into the fields by your wife , with them thinking she was your ma , and you a boy . " " It was just a tale , " I said . " Something to pass the time . " " Indeed ? " he said . " For I heard tell of a raiding party of Campbells sent out a few years ago , seeking revenge on someone who had taken their cattle . They went , and they never came back . If a small fellow like you can kill a dozen Campbells . . . well , you must be strong , and you must be fast . " I take no joy in killing : no man should , and no woman . Sometimes death is necessary , but it is always an evil thing . That is something I am in no doubt of , even after the events I speak of here . He did not thank me , neither for rescuing him , nor for getting us across ; and I did not expect thanks . I also did not expect what he actually said , though , which was : " You are not a whole man , and you are ugly . Your wife : is she also small and ugly , like yourself ? " I decided to take no offence , whether offence had been intended or no . I simply said , " She is not . She is a tall woman , almost as tall as you , and when she was young - when we were both younger - she was reckoned by some to be the most beautiful girl in the lowlands . The bards wrote songs praising her green eyes and her long red - golden hair . " I spoke the truth : " I wanted her , and I get what I want . I did not give up . She said I was wise and I was kind , and I would always provide for her . And I have . " " She said I would be a good father . And I have done my best to raise my children . Who are also , if you are wondering , normal - sized . " " Ran away , eh ? I ran away when I was a lad . I was twelve . I went as far as the court of the King over the Water . The father of the current king . " " That 's not something you hear spoken aloud . " " I am not afraid , " he said . " Not here . Who 's to hear us ? Eagles ? I saw him . He was a fat man , who spoke the language of the foreigners well , and our own tongue only with difficulty . But he was still our king . " He paused . " And if he is to come to us again , he will need gold , for vessels and weapons and to feed the troops that he raises . " I could remember it , I knew . Well enough to find my way down again . But the mists confused me , and I could not be certain . We reached a small loch , high in the mountains , and drank fresh water , caught huge white creatures that were not shrimps or lobsters or crayfish , and ate them raw like sausages , for we could not find any dry wood to make our fire , that high . " It was a good dream , " I said . It was true . I had dreamed that Flora still lived . She was grumbling about the village boys , and telling me of her time in the hills with the cattle , and of things of no consequence , smiling her great smile and tossing her hair the while , red - golden like her mother 's , although her mother 's hair is now streaked with white . The mist seemed to thicken and fill with light , in the sunshine , but did not fade away and I realized that it must be a cloud . The world glowed . And then it seemed to me that I was staring at a man of my size , a small , humpty man , his shadow , standing in the air in front of me , like a ghost or an angel , and it moved as I moved . It was haloed by the light , and shimmered , and I could not have told you how near it was or how far away . I have seen miracles and I have seen evil things , but never have I seen anything like that . " Is it magic ? " I asked , although I smelled no magic on the air . Calum said , " It is nothing . A property of the light . A shadow . A reflection . No more . I see a man beside me , as well . He moves as I move . " I glanced back , but I saw nobody beside him . We climbed all that morning , ascending . Calum 's ankle had twisted the day before , when he had slipped at the waterfall . Now it swelled in front of me , swelled and went red , but his pace did not ever slow , and if he was in discomfort or in pain , it did not show upon his face . I said , " How long ? " as the dusk began to blur the edges of the world . " An hour , less , perhaps . We will reach the cave , and then we will sleep for the night . In the morning you will go inside . You can bring out as much gold as you can carry , and we will make our way back off the island . " I looked at him , then : grey - streaked hair , grey eyes , so huge and wolfish a man , and I said , " You would sleep outside the cave ? " " I would . There are no monsters in the cave . Nothing that will come out and take you in the night . Nothing that will eat us . But you should not go in until daylight . " Calum laughed then , like a fox 's bark . " The islanders know how to find it . But they are too wise to come here , to take its gold . They say that the cave makes you evil : that each time you visit it , each time you enter to take gold , it eats the good in your soul , so they do not enter . " No . The cave feeds on something else . Not good and evil . Not really . You can take your gold , but afterwards , things are , " he paused , " things are flat . There is less beauty in a rainbow , less meaning in a sermon , less joy in a kiss . . . " He looked at the cave mouth and I thought I saw fear in his eyes . " Less . " " You will go in . I will wait for you out here . Do not be afraid . No monster guards the cave . No spells to make the gold vanish , if you do not know some cantrip or rhyme . " His voice came from the darkness . " Aye . And they meant nothing to me , once I had them , or less than nothing . And if your gold pays for the King over the Water to come back to us and rule us and bring about a land of joy and prosperity and warmth , it will still mean nothing to you . It will be as something you heard of that happened to a man in a tale . " " I have lived my life to bring the king back , " I told him . He said , " You take the gold back to him . Your king will want more gold , because kings want more . It is what they do . Each time you come back , it will mean less . The rainbow means nothing . Killing a man means nothing . " I ran my hands over my dirk in the darkness , seeking the wood and center of the hilt , the steel of the blade . It was there in my hands . I had not intended to ever tell him , only to strike when we were out of the mountains , strike once , strike deep , but now I felt the words being pulled from me , would I or never - so . " They say there was a girl , " I told him . " And a thorn - bush . " Silence . The whistling of the wind . " Who told you ? " he asked . Then , " Never mind . I would not kill a woman . No man of honour would kill a woman . . . " If I said a word , I knew , he would be silent on the subject , and never talk about it again . So I said nothing . Only waited . Calum MacInnes began to speak , choosing his words with care , talking as if he was remembering a tale he had heard as a child and had almost forgotten . " They told me the kine of the lowlands were fat and bonny , and that a man could gain honour and glory by adventuring off to the southlands and returning with the fine red cattle . So I went south , and never a cow was good enough , until on a hillside in the lowlands I saw the finest , reddest , fattest cows that ever a man has seen . So I began to lead them away , back the way I had come . " She came after me with a stick . The cattle were her father 's , she said , and I was a rogue and a knave and all manner of rough things . But she was beautiful , even when angry , and had I not already a young wife , I might have dealt more kindly to her . Instead I pulled a knife , and touched it to her throat , and bade her to stop speaking . And she did stop . " It was another year before I was back that way . I was not after cows that day , but I walked up the side of that bank - it was a lonely spot , and if you had not been looking , you might not have seen it . Perhaps nobody searched for her . " " I heard they searched , " I told him . " Although some believed her taken by reavers , and others believed her run away with a tinker , or gone to the city . But still , they searched . " " Aye . I saw what I did see - perhaps you 'd have to have stood where I was standing , to see what I did see . It was an evil thing I did , perhaps . " He said , " I have taken gold from the cave of the mists . I cannot tell any longer if there is good or there is evil . I sent a message , by a child , at an inn , telling them where she was , and where they could find her . " I closed my eyes but the world became no darker . " At dawn , " said Calum MacInnes , as if we had been talking of provisions or the weather , " you will leave your dirk behind , for such is the custom , and you will enter the cave , and bring out as much gold as you can carry . And you will bring it back with you , to the mainland . There 's not a soul in these parts , knowing what you carry or where it 's from , would take it from you . Then send it to the King over the Water , and he will pay his men with it , and feed them , and buy their weapons . One day , he will return . Tell me on that day that there is evil , little man . " When the sun was up , I entered the cave . It was damp in there . I could hear water running down one wall , and I felt a wind on my face , which was strange , because there was no wind inside the mountain . In my mind , the cave would be filled with gold . Bars of gold would be stacked like firewood , and bags of golden coins would sit between them . There would be golden chains and golden rings , and golden plates , heaped high like the china plates in a rich man 's house . I have secrets , but there is a secret that lies beneath all my other secrets , and not even my children know it , although I believe my wife suspects , and it is this : my mother was a mortal woman , the daughter of a miller , but my father came to her from out of the West , and to the West he returned when he had had his sport with her . I cannot be sentimental about my parentage : I am sure he does not think of her , and doubt that he ever knew of me . But he left me a body that is small , and fast , and strong ; and perhaps I take after him in other ways - I do not know . I am ugly , and my father was beautiful , or so my mother told me once , but I think that she might have been deceived . The whisper was amused . You are thinking like a mortal man , making things always to be one thing or another . It is gold they would see , and touch . Gold they would carry back with them , feeling the weight of it the while , gold they would trade with other mortals for what they needed . What does it matter if it is there or no if they can see it , touch it , steal it , murder for it ? Gold they need and gold I give them . Little enough , for my needs are few , and I am old ; too old to follow my sisters into the West . I taste their pleasure and their joy . I feed , a little , feed on what they do not need and do not value . A taste of heart , a lick and a nibble of their fine consciences , a sliver of soul . And in return a fragment of me leaves this cave with them and gazes out at the world through their eyes , sees what they see until their lives are done and I take back what is mine . I could see , in the darkness , better than any man born of man and woman could see . I saw something move in the shadows , and then the shadows congealed and shifted , revealing formless things at the edge of my perception , where it meets imagination . Troubled , I said the thing it is proper to say at times such as this : " Appear before me in a form that neither harms nor is offensive to me . " I took it from your mind , said a whisper that surrounded the skeleton . Its jawbone did not move . I chose something you loved . This was your daughter , Flora , as she was the last time you saw her . It said , The reaver waits for you at the mouth of the cave . He waits for you to come out , weaponless and weighed down with gold . He will kill you , and take the gold from your dead hands . I thought of Calum MacInnes , the wolf - grey in his hair , the grey of his eyes , the line of his dirk . He was bigger than I am , but all men are bigger than I am . Perhaps I was stronger , and faster , but he was also fast , and he was strong . It is the custom now , to bring no weapon into my place . It was not always the custom . Follow me , said the skeleton of my daughter . I crouched and felt it . The haft felt like bone - perhaps an antler . I touched the blade cautiously in the darkness , discovered that I was holding something that felt more like an awl than a knife . It was thin , sharp at the tip . It would be better than nothing . Time passed . I followed the sound of the dripping water , found a rock pool , and drank . I soaked the last of the oats and I ate them , chewing them until they dissolved in my mouth . I slept and woke and slept again , and dreamed of my wife , Morag , waiting for me as the seasons changed , waiting for me just as we had waited for our daughter , waiting for me forever . Something , a finger I thought , touched my hand : it was not bony and hard . It was soft , and humanlike , but too cold . He sleeps . I left the cave in the blue light , before dawn . He slept across the cavemouth , catlike , I knew , such that the slightest touch would have woken him . I held my weapon in front of me , a bone handle and a needlelike blade of blackened silver , and I reached out and took what I was after , without waking him . " I have none . " The wind blew cold on the mountainside . I had danced back , out of his reach , when he had grabbed at me . He stayed on the ground , pushed himself up onto one elbow . He looked at me , sleepily . " And why ever would you do that ? If I was going to kill you I would have done it on the way here . I could have killed you a dozen times . " I said , " Not a fool . No . For I have met fools and idiots , and they are happy in their idiocy , even with straw in their hair . You are too wise for foolishness . You seek only misery and you bring misery with you and you call down misery on all you touch . " He rose then , holding a rock in his hand like an axe , and he came at me . I am small , and he could not strike me as he would have struck a man of his own size . He leaned over to strike . It was a mistake . I held the bone haft tightly , and stabbed upward , striking fast with the point of the awl , like a snake . I knew the place I was aiming for , and I knew what it would do . He swore then , fouling the air with curses and threats . The dawn light on the mountaintop made everything so beautiful and blue . In that light , even the blood that had begun to soak his garments was purple . He took a step back , so he was between me and the cave . I felt exposed , the rising sun at my back . He threw himself forward , then , ran at me and kicked at me . My awl blade went flying from my hand . I threw my arms around his leg , and I held on to him as together we tumbled off the mountainside . His head was above me , and I saw triumph in it , and then I saw sky , and then the valley floor was above me and I was rising to meet it and then it was below me and I was falling to my death . A jar and a bump , and now we were turning over and over on the side of the mountain , the world a dizzying whirligig of rock and pain and sky , and I knew I was a dead man , but still I clung to the leg of Calum MacInnes . I saw a golden eagle in flight , but below me or above me I could no longer say . It was there , in the dawn sky , in the shattered fragments of time and perception , there in the pain . I was not afraid : there was no time and no space to be afraid in , no space in my mind and no space in my heart . I was falling through the sky , holding tightly to the leg of a man who was trying to kill me ; we were crashing into rocks , scraping and bruising and then . . . . . . we stopped . Stopped with force enough that I felt myself jarred , and was almost thrown off Calum MacInnes and to my death beneath . The side of the mountain had crumbled , there , long ago , sheared off , leaving a sheet of blank rock , as smooth and as featureless as glass . But that was below us . Where we were , there was a ledge , and on the ledge there was a miracle : stunted and twisted , high above the treeline , where no trees have any right to grow , was a twisted hawthorn tree , not much larger than a bush , although it was old . Its roots grew into the side of the mountain , and it was this hawthorn that had caught us in its grey arms . I let go of the leg , clambered off Calum MacInnes 's body , and onto the side of the mountain . I stood on the narrow ledge and looked down at the sheer drop . There was no way down from here . No way down at all . I looked up . It might be possible , I thought , climbing slowly , with fortune on my side , to make it up that mountain . If it did not rain . If the wind was not too hungry . And what choice did I have ? The only alternative was death . His eyes were open . He said , " I cannot move my right arm , since you stabbed it . I think I broke a leg in the fall . I cannot climb with you . " I said , " I may succeed , or I may fail . " " You 'll make it . I 've seen you climb . After you rescued me , crossing that waterfall . You went up those rocks like a squirrel going up a tree . " I did not have his confidence in my climbing abilities . He said , " Swear to me by all you hold holy . Swear by your king , who waits over the sea as he has since we drove his subjects from this land . Swear by the things you creatures hold dear - swear by shadows and eagle feathers and by silence . Swear that you will come back for me . " I thought . " I swear by these things , " I told him . " By shadows and by eagle feathers and by silence . I swear by green hills and standing stones . I will come back . " His hair framed his face like a wolf - grey halo . There was red blood on his cheek where he had scraped it in the fall . " You could come back with ropes , " he said . " My rope is still up there , by the cave mouth . But you 'd need more than that . " " Yes , " I said . " I will come back with ropes . " I looked up at the rock above us , examined it as best I could . Sometimes good eyes mean the difference between life and death , if you are a climber . I saw where I would need to be as I went , the shape of my journey up the face of the mountain . I thought I could see the ledge outside the cave , from which we had fallen as we fought . I would head for there . Yes . I blew on my hands , to dry the sweat before I began to climb . " I will come back for you , " I said . " With ropes . I have sworn . " When I reached the ledge , the cave entrance seemed like a darker shadow in the noonday sun . I turned from it , turned my back on the mountain , and from the shadows that were already gathering in the cracks and the crevices and deep inside my skull , and I began my slow journey away from the Misty Isle . There were a hundred roads and a thousand paths that would take me back to my home in the lowlands , where my wife would be waiting . 13 - 52 . Forty Stories 11 . Alaska 10 . The Cure 9 . The Great Frustration 8 . Remove Yourself 7 . Sunshine Cleaners 6 . The Infusions 5 . Map of the City 4 . Report on Internet User 3 . Estrellas y Rascacielos Our Friends |
Annette & Grandpa juicing apples after I had my cataract surgery . Muffin and puppies home from the hospital - about 8 hours oldJust so you can see about how big the puppies are - weighed about 7 ounces at birthKathy has been helping me get some pictures up again . I had a lot of little problems and couldn 't figure out just how to do this , so now I hope I can keep it up . Muffin had her puppies on Tuesday , November 25th . She was in labor all day Monday , just pacing and stopping and panting and then starting over again . I felt real empathy with her . I stayed in the family room with her all that night so she wouldn 't try and deliver while we were in bed asleep . Grandpa came out about 4 : 00 a . m . and spelled me off . She started pushing just before 5 : 00 a . m . and had a puppy started , and then she just quit pushing . So at 6 : 00 a . m . we took her to the pet hospital emergency room . I told Grandpa I thought we would probably lose the one that was partially born , but we didn 't . The vet gave her oxitossin shots to keep her contractions going and she finally had 2 more . Then they had to xray her to see how many more there were because if there was any more than one more they would have to do a c - section because it was too much for her . She only had one more in there , so they gave her another shot and delivered it . So she has 3 females and 1 male . At first Muffin didn 't want to even look at the puppies , but with some urging and help laying down and nursing , she finally got the hang of it , and how she is taking very good care of them . We had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner at Jim 's house with all of his children and grandchildren , Dave & Kathy & kids , Bill & Karen , Allen & Sioux and Sioux 's daughter , Ashley and some assorted people who had been invited also . When we got home we could not put all of the leftovers away , so we did what we could and fixed two bunches of leftovers and took to two of our neighbors who are experiencing very bad times . They were all thrilled and we not only felt great but could now put everything away . We ate Grandma Danes I haven 't posted anything for awhile and am not sure I can remember what all has happened . I see it has been almost a month since I put anything here . I had cataract surgery on the 29th of October . Annette came over from Idaho Falls to be my driver . We enjoyed having her here so much . She brought lots of apples for us to juice . While she was here we went to breakfast once and dinner twice . That tells you something about what we enjoy doing ! Actually we had planned on Joe 's Crab Shack because we had a gift card for there and we knew Annette wanted to go , so that was planned . Because I had to fast before the surgery , none of us ate breakfast so when we got done , we went to JB 's for their breakfast bar . Then that evening we were deep into juicing apples so we just cleaned up a bit and went to the Mexican place in town . Then on Thursday night we hit Joe 's Crab Shack . Annette and I also managed two trips to the mall and a visit to Sees Candy . We were busy the whole time . Grandpa got right in and helped with the apple juicing . I will try to post a picture of him and Annette working at that . Our leaves have been steadily falling - four large trees along a very small front yard . It is a recipe for " work " . We are very fortunate to have friends and ward members who stop to help us rake . One day I got 4 bags done and quit because my back hurt . The next day when I got home from the doctor 's the rest of the yard had been done . Then a week or so ago we looked out our window and there were 4 people raking in the yard . Yesterday I decided I had better make a dent in the leaves and after I had been there 4 bags worth , two young sisters came from around the corner with their rakes and worked with us . Then the Elders stopped and helped also . Looking at the leaves on the trees , I figure we have at least one more yard full to do before we are finished for the year - maybe a little more . Yesterday one of the sisters I go visiting teaching to called me about her appointment . She had the flu and didn 't want us to catch it from her . I askedPosted by Sorry about that . I forgot that some of you may not know Carissa . Carissa is Allen 's youngest daughter . She used to come to church with us when she was a little girl , as did her sisters . We don 't see a lot of her and welcome times when we can get together . Well , we went to Carissa 's wedding last Saturday and I remembered my camera , but after one picture my batteries were gone . I bought some new batteries at Paul 's ( lithium like the camera said ) and they were the wrong size - got some at WalMart today and now I have a camera again . We knew Carissa was getting married but didn 't know the man 's name or much about him . So we were pleasantly surprised when we found he was a member of the church , active , a member one of the Spanish branches in Nampa . The Branch President performed the ceremony . So we have some hopes that perhaps Carissa can remember some of her early days attending church with us and enjoy going with Carlos ( Juan Carlos Silva ) . His mother and sister seemed very nice , the mother didn 't speak English but the sister does . Our weather is very nice now , after a few cold days , and we are enjoying it . I took grandpa to the heart doctor yesterday and to the urologist today . Then we had lunch out which is always a treat . Came home and took a walk - our days are all pretty much the same . I did finish my visiting teaching and am prepared to go to the Super Saturday R . S . is having - I 'm taking a dessert - cherry cheesecake . I forgot to take my camera with us to Washington so have no pictures of our travels . We attended Madelyn 's baptism and visited with Mark & LaNita . We drove up on Thursday , Sept . 3rd and back on Monday , Sept . 8th . We took Muffin with us - I had a friend willing to watch her , but grandpa wanted to take her . She is an adventure to travel with but it all turned out okay . Madelyn was baptised in the family swimming pool ! ! But water is water right ? The font room was already being used at their stake center and Mark 's father could not be there anytime except Friday night - hence the swimming pool . We had a wonderful meeting beforehand conducted by the Bishop . There were quite a few people there and LaNita had removed all living room furniture and put in folding chairs from the church . When we got home we were the recipient of Jenette 's willingness and sweetness . She and her girls bottled 42 quart of peaches for us . I had used my last jar and had started purchasing some cans . I can 't tell you what that meant to have that done . She said the peaches would not keep until we got back from LaNita 's place so we sent our bottles with her . Bless her and her girls ! ! Then last night the young women and their leaders came to do service . They washed the outside of every one of our windows , including the ones in the garage door . There are so many wonderful people out there and we are privileged to know lots of them . Today I am making my mother 's chili sauce recipe . It smells so good cooking . Earlier I was wondering why I was doing this , especially while I was grinding up onions . green peppers and celery . The tomatoes are all out of our garden . I also made some more granola last night so I feel like I have gotten quite a bit done the last couple of days . Hope the energy lasts . It seems like I always talk about the food we are eating . That 's because in the summer the food is fantastic . Right now our meals consist of stuff out of the garden and my old Bunkerville favorite - homemade bread , milk and grapes . Grandpa doesn 't comment on it anymore even . We did have a doctor day today - those come quite often - almost as often as meals some weeks . I took Grandpa to the dentist - he is thinking about getting new dentures . Then I went for my cleaning appointment . Bad news was that I had a chip out of one of my fillings . Good news was that it was a fairly new filling so they will remove it and do a new one at no cost to me . More bad news was that I have several places in my teeth that are requiring a visit to a periodontist . For those of you who don 't know what that is , it is the equivalent of pain & suffering . We have worked hard to avoid it , but diabetes takes its toll . We enjoyed attending the Twin Falls Temple Dedication , last session on Sunday . Of course it came to us through the dish , but it was a wonderful meeting . It was so quiet in our chapel that we could have heard a pin drop . We had a good friend who saved us some seats up in the front section where grandpa could have his oxygen on the aisle without bothering anyone . " Doctor Days " wear us out and we are looking forward to an early night . I got to go to the Western Idaho State fair on Saturday . Jim took me and we had a good time . I especially wanted to eat stuff I don 't usually get to eat - like Pronto Pups , milk shakes & spiced pecans . I was sick to my stomach when I got through eating , but it was worth it . We walked through all the Expo Halls , watched a concert by an acapella group , had a massage , looked at the mules and couldn 't find the draft horses , looked at the chicken and rabbits , watched the " Splash Dog " show where the dogs jump really high before they go into the water . Some of them were jumping 6 ' 8 " to grab the " bone " . The last thing we saw were the 4 wheelers . I had never watched that before and part of the time I couldn 't even look - they were climbing rock walls and all kinds of stuff with their vehicles and they looked like they were going to fall over backwards . I think it has been several years since I had been to the fair and I was really glad that Jim offered to take me . We had a good weekend and today was doctor appointment day - one in the morning and one in the afternoon with shopping at WalMart in between . I did get a new vacuum cleaner and was amazed at all the dirt it picked up - don 't know why though when the old vacuum hadn 't been doing it . No pics of the fair - I forgot to take a camera . It 's good to be home again even though it meant work on the garden produce right away . This isn 't the way this was supposed to look but I guess I should be glad I could get some pictures on at all . Jim & Aaron rode their Harleys to the reunion - I took lots of pictures but am just posting the bikers and one shot of the " older " generation . The eight of us are what is left of the siblings in my family and their spouses . Grandpa and I were fortunate enough to be included in being housed at Kelly 's house , so we didn 't have to be on a bunk in a cabin . We had lots of talent displayed there and lots of memories to talk about . Kenneth went with us and that was such a blessing - I had someone to help drive and he helped with grandpa 's oxygen , etc . We stayed with Bill & Karen on Saturday night and went to church there . My beans were waiting to be canned and I didn 't feel like I could put it off . With tomatoes we are at the point where we can have a sliced tomato each meal - yeah ! Posted by Hey , I managed to get the photo on by myself - after many times trying . I picked our first tomato yesterday and couldn 't resist showing it off . We went to the Empty Nesters FHE last night and I took a nice fresh cucumber to our host . I have more green beans to pick this morning . I wish I had enough to bottle some , but there are not , so maybe I will just freeze them . I am preparing to go to the reunion in Heber City . I think Grandpa has decided not to go . He has not felt very well and the heart doctor didn 't think it was a good idea because of the altitude . I don 't want to go without him and I don 't want him to go where there will be problems - how is that for being contradictory ? Kenneth will be driving with me so I won 't be alone . We continue to have very hot weather but we have purchased a timer which operates the air conditioner in the food storage unit . I have always had to go out and turn it on by hand in the late afternoon and then off when it gets cool . Now it just comes on by itself at 4 : 00 in the afternoon and goes off at 7 : 00 . I don 't know why we didn 't do this years ago . I 'll talk to you all when I get back from the reunion . I have been wanting to post some pictures and today Kathy helped me step by step . These are pictures of things growing in my garden . They are only worth photographing because when LaNita was here before the reunion , she and her children pulled all my weeds and tall grass . Now I can bear to look at the garden and enjoy it . The first picture are my green beans . I have picked twice - but you can 't see green beans growing because they hang under the leaves . This is one of my cantaloupe plants . I planted four of them and now I have two , but last year I only had one that survived so that is progress . The one beneath here is a lemon cucumber plant . Lots of blossoms but so far there are no lemon cucumbers on it . My regular cucumbers were supposed to be a bush but have proved to be a vine instead and I have picked several of them . I had a picture of my green peppers with the ( so far ) one and only green pepper growing . We enjoyed the reunion ever so much . Now we are getting ready to go to the Earl reunion at Heber City , Utah . For me this creates anxiety because of the altitude , but grandpa is very determined to go and even the doctor 's acvice is not making him stay home . I enjoyed going back to the Temple to work this week . We were off for four weeks and they have been making many changes in the parking lot and flowers , etc . I was so tired when I came home that even the thought of eating Mexican food did not move me and I ate a bowl of bread and milk here at home . However , today when we left the doctor 's office it was after 3 : 00 p . m . and we had not had lunch , so I asked grandpa if he would like a lunch / supper somewhere . He hates it when he has to combine two meals - he always feels very cheated , but we enjoyed the Mexican food we didn 't get last night . I have been getting quite a few things done around the house that sorely needed to be done , like cleaning out underneath the sink , organizing my pantry , deep cleaning the bathrooms and awful stuff like that . It wouldn 't be so bad if everything would stay and not fall into disGrandma Danes I have been on the road and am glad to be home again . There is nothing like sleeping in your own bed . Jim & I left Wedneday when I got home from the Temple and we drove straight down to Salt Lake City . We were trying to get there before my sister , Alice , passed away . The Lord did indeed bless us - we cancelled our proposed stop in Tremonton and went without stopping to the University Hospital . We got to Alice 's room in short order and were there for 45 minutes before she died . Her sons had come and with her husband gave her a blessing of release . Shortly after that they turned off all life support . I felt very blessed to be able to be there and hold her hand . It was a profoundly beautiful spiritual experience and the feeling of peace and comfort was very strong - there were lots of tears of course , but the overwhelming feeling was relief for her release from suffering . I will miss her sorely . Tammy Earl , daughter of my brother Ken and his wife LuDeen , has also passed away . Her funeral was today in Moses Lake , WA . Tammy had lap - band surgery not long ago and she ended up with an infection that spread all through her body . She was only 58 and while that may seem old to all of you young marrieds , it really is quite young to be taken . Grandpa and I will be going Monday morning back to Utah for Alice 's funeral . Cherish your loved ones while you have them . Saturday I walked in a 5K here in Kune sponsored for the American Diabetes Association . I signed up for it with a burst of optimism and then as the date neared I feared I would not be able to finish but decided to go and walk as far as I could . I finished with the support of two sweet sisters who walked with me when they could easily have gone faster . I really appreciated them . I even won a door prize - they drew for several of them . I may sign up for the one associated with Kuna Days or the one in Melba next month . Stephanie 's hamburger buns were wonderful and Michelle 's cupcakes were every bit as good as they looked . Made me want to get something to stuff some with good stuff when I get some made here . We have been to Utah and back - way too quick and we wish we could have stayed longer . Grandpa and I rode down with Dean and Laura . We all wanted to visit Alice and see for ourselves how she was . We took Dean 's car because it got much better gas mileage than ours , but in the end it would have been worth it to us to be able to stay and visit longer . We were happy to get to visit with Kathy and Karen . Our main purpose in going was to visit Alice and her family . The first afternoon there was very disappointing because Alice could barely open her eyes and did not speak . We felt she knew we were there - she cried when we told her who we were , but when we lef for the evening we all felt she would be lucky to survive for very long . When we went on Wednesday she was quite a bit better and we felt encouraged . Yesterday I called and she was able to talk on the phone and was sitting up in a chair and laughing at things . Now today she is right back where she was , sleeping all day , not talking barely moving around . Keep her in your prayers , please . Tomorrow we are going to Cody 's birthday party . I got him a card but figured his birthday present wants were probably way beyond what we could do so his card will have a little money in it . We enjoy having Muffin home and to us she seems MAYBE pregnant - but she is supposed to have these alleged puppies in about 7 days or 6 , so we 'll see what happens . It has turned hot so now we walk early in the morning . I bought tomatoes , cucumbers , cantaloup and marigolds to plant - the marigolds , of course , go in with the tomatoes to keep tomato worms away . I also bought a chocolate mint plant - it smells wonderful - like chocolate and mint . Oh , I also bought some green pepper plants . More flowers will follow next week but must get all this planted first . My columbines are blooming and I have one poppy bud coming along . Maybe I will have some pictures to post next time . Well we had our empty nesters family home evening last night and it went very well . I worried because I didn 't have lots of room for everyone , but they don 't really care - they just have a good time eating and visiting and playing games . Our dinner turned out well . I didn 't have time to make rolls so bought Mrs . Rhodes texas size whole wheat rolls . They were wonderful and I have some left for us . The pulled pork was great and we had good salads and 3 wonderful desserts . We don 't pick and choose - we just all eat some of everything . I put Muffin out on the rope while we ate and when I remembered her I went out and she was not on her leash . I was afraid she had run away , but she was sitting right on the step waiting to be let in where all the fun was . She came in and entertained us for awhile and one of the guys suggested that next time we just all bring our little dogs and let them entertain us all . My sister , Alice , is very ill and in the hospital in Provo . This is her second time in there in a very short while . Don 't know what 's wrong with her and they are still running tests and doing what they can . I know her family is very worried . Ruth has added me to her email list for regular updates . Kathy went to see her this morning and Aunt Alice didn 't know who she was - and yet it is not alzheimers or dementia that she has . I am continuing my daily walks with Muffin . Don 't know yet if she is going to have puppies . She doesn 't look very pregnant and yet sometimes she does , and her habits have changed . She gets in bed with us about 6 : 00 in the morning and gets up when I do or shortly after . Lately she has stayed there and slept after we are both up . This morning she didn 't leave the bed until almost 8 : 30 . Living the life of Riley ! I notice from the date of my last entry that I missed the entire month of April . Well , we didn 't really miss it , but I got nothing written . Grandpa is doing well and can walk around again and wear shoes to church , etc . - I mean regular shoes . He was wearing his sandals for awhile . I can 't remember what we did in the month of April but I 'm sure it was exciting and important and I 'm sorry I missed getting it down in writing . The last week of April was repair month . We had to have the furnace repaired . Now usually I would figure it was getting warm and we wouldn 't be needing it , but as you all know , the country has refused to warm up , so we had to spend for that . Then when it warmed up a little bit we could not get the mowers started and had to have both of them repaired . So Grandpa finally got the front and back lawns mowed , I spread the fertilizer on them and have set the water . The raspberry plants are planted and I have to get the water to them so I can quit watering them by hand . The gardener on TV said not to put any veggies in until May 15th and that is fine by meWe are hosting the Empty Nesters Family Home Evening on Monday night . We have a lot of fun , and much much good food . I am fixing barbecued pork tenderloin , shredded up with the barbecue and teryaki sauce in it . It is delicious and I just have to decide whether or not to make rolls or buy them . Everyone that comes will bring a salad or a dessert and we will drink ice water . So that 's our dinner . We will play a game - sometimes we play pictionary , or charades , or a trivia game and once we played " Are you smarter than a fifth grader ? " We talk a lot and enjoy one another 's company , pay no baby sitters and have no special time we are needed at home , so there are compensations to having an empty nest . My sister , Alice , has been ill and has had a stroke . She is not physically affected but her mind is kind of confused and her thinking is slow . The doctor assures everyone that she will be just fine with a little time . I talk to her on the phone but her voice dPosted by First - congratulations Melinda on getting Elizabeth Kay here safely . We enjoyed looking at her pictures and are glad that 's over for you . We have had all kinds of excitement - more than we need - during the last week . Last Thursday Grandpa didn 't get a chance to finish his supper so ate very little and it wasn 't enough to balance the insulin he took , so in the night he was unconscious . I woke up to go to the bathroom and soon realized that I could not rouse him . I was trying to move him because he was mostly on my side of the bed . I called 911 and the wonderful EMT 's came and took care of it for us . The next day he was very tired but was doing okay . Then Saturday night when he was taking his night meds , he aspirated some milk . He spent most of the night trying to clear his lungs and had a lot of trouble breathing . So on Sunday we went to sacrament meeting and then I took him to the ER . It was the congestive heart failure again . His blood pressure was very high as well so they kept him . They put him on oxygen , give him lasix to take off the water , and bring his blood pressure down . That 's his kind of tuneup now . I thought I might bring him home this morning but they weren 't ready to let him go - maybe tomorrow . He is in good spirits and looks and sounds very good . If any of you care to call him tonight or in the morning his number is ( 208 ) 706 - 0440 . Yesterday I had a cataract removed from my right eye . It was quick , painless , and seems to be successful . I have some drops to put in my right eye for awhile now - 3 different drops , 4 times a day . I still need the cheap drugstore stuff to read with but I drove to the post op checkup this afternoon without glasses . I just had to use sunglasses because I am still a bit sensitive to light . I was able to read the line on the eye chart that was the 20 / 20 line . Saturday we get Muffin back again , hopefully pregnant . We have missed her . How does one hold it down to five ? These are not necessarily in any particular order - just as they come to mind1 . Singing in a really good choir . I will miss almost anything else to make it to choir practice and / or the performance to sing with a really good choir . 2 . Chocolate - Every time I try to go without it I find myself munching on other stuff trying to make up for it , so I have learned to go for the real thing first time around . 3 . A good book - reading on a rainy day with some hot chocolate and a good book is wonderful . 4 . Working in the Temple . I really dread the day that they retire me . It is fulfilling in so many ways and there are so many wonderful people to work with . 5 . My husband and children . The older one gets the more precious they become . I include grandchildren and great grandchildren along with my children . Yesterday was a long one but one that we hope will turn out well . I took Grandpa to the hospital about 9 : 00 a . m . He had his surgical procedure at 11 : a . m . and everything went well . They usually send guys home the same day with his procedure , but because he does not heal well and his heart was in question , they kept him overnight and I can pick him up about noon today . Grandpa 's heart doctor said he should have a spinal instead of a general anesthetic but when they checked the clotting factors in his blood just before surgery , they said his blood was too thin and there was a risk of bleeding into the spine , so he went ahead with the general . His heart did well . A representative of Medtronic , the maker of his defibrillator , was there to stop it from working during the surgery and start it again afterwards . Jim came to the hospital and sat with me . I really appreciated that because even when you are not thinking someone may die , it is nice not to be alone . We had lunch together in the cafeteria and Jim stayed until daddy was up in his room and settled . I hung around the rest of the day . Grandpa enjoyed a phone call from Karen and a visit from Kenneth , wife and family . I came home around 9 : 00 p . m . which made a long day but I was so happy Grandpa was in good spirits and doing well . It is kind of quiet here at home right now because Muffin is hanging out at the breeding kennel - don 't know yet how that is going but hope it takes because I would like to have her spayed and get it over with . The other day Grandpa ripped one of the famous L - shaped tears that are so hard to mend . He wanted me to patch it and I said " No " because it was a real old pair of pants and not worth the trouble . So he turned it inside out and taped it with duct tape ! He really didn 't want to bend for this picture but he was a good sport . I had a good day at the Temple today but when I got home grandpa had not had a good day with Muffin . She did not want to mind him and he had to chase her around outside , etc . He said if anyone had asked for a dog today he would have given her away . We went to dinner last night for Grandpa 's birthday . Jim , Kenneth and Aaron were there with their respective families . We had a good time and enjoyed the food . That 's 3 meals out in 4 days so I guess tonight we won 't be going to the Mexican place here in town . Thank you all for your expressions of Happy Birthday . We had a great Sunday . Lots of singing . Our ward holds choir practice at our house after Sacrament meeting and then I went to the stake choir practice later in the afternoon . I love to sing in the stake choir . We are rehearsing for our stake conference on March 16th . We have a visitor from Salt Lake and are having two different sessions because we don 't all fit anymore . So the choir gets to sing at both of them . Last night we went to dinner at the Golden Corral in Nampa to help celebrate Allen 's birthday . All four of our sons were there - really missed the daughters - and grandkids were there too . It was wonderful to see them all and visit . Now we are going out to dinner for grandpa 's birthday - going on Tuesday night but I am not sure where we will be eating . I have to let them know tomorrow . The one sure thing is that I will have shot our entertainment budget for the month - all in the first week . But it is worth it to be with family . We finally got to do something different - we went to Idaho Falls over the weekend to visit and participate in Caleb 's Mel . Priesthood ordination and office of an Elder . We had an uneventful trip over for which we were duly grateful . Always nice to have no flat tires , no snow or fog to drive through and no trouble with the car . While there we stayed in Aaron 's apartment and were very grateful for his hospitality . We ate our meals with Annette & family and were also able to visit with young Aaron when he came on Sunday evening to work the next week . We had a great visit - saw Caleb 's apartment - very nice and clean - that always impresses grandmas and had brownies and ice cream - that was after the ordination . In the afternoon at Annette 's place we had eaten potato bar with lots of goodies and enjoyed visiting with Jared and Amanda . On our way home we stopped at Jared and Amanda 's place to see their new ( to them ) home . It is a very nice home and is great for them . Amanda has a nice large garden spot and Jared has his pasture . Anthony has chickens , which he took great pride in showing us and was able to gather two eggs in his little egg basket . When he saw an egg he exclaimed " Oh my gosh ! ! " We had nice dry roads again for travelling and as always were happy to see home again . It is going to be a beautiful day and I am looking forward to walking Muffin on the green belt . And I am especially looking forward to working in the Temple tomorrow . I wish I had exciting things to post instead of what we are always doing because the usual is visits to the doctors - one kind or another . I had a laser treatment on my left eye the other day to take care of some swelling in the macula . It was a miserable treatment and I was happy I had daddy along to drive me home . They will look at it in 3 months time to see if it helped . In the meantime grandpa gets to go to the heart man tomorrow . We thought Dr . Writer was going to give clearance to Dr . Tansy to do some surgery and instead Dr . Writer wants to see daddy again to talk about perhaps another angiogram first . Other than that we are doing okay . Grandpa is putting up a new hand rail from the kitchen to the bonus room . I will post a picture of it when it is done . I am happy to have access to my treadmill again and having weather nice enough to also walk outside . With regard to the Tag - I have lived too long and have too many things to remember and to sort through . I 'm probably not a great candidate for the tag game . Today I was thinking about the jobs I have had and I thought about working in the fields , topping beets and thinning apples , and being a waitress / cabin maid for the Utah Parks Company . Much more interesting than the secretarial work . We had a storm again last night and so this morning it was not a pretty commute to the Temple . I left quite early - about 8 : 40 a . m . and it took me 1 hour and 10 minutes to reach the Temple , and it is about 16 or 17 miles ! I was supposed to stop at the chiropractor but I called them and said I couldn 't make it . When I got to the Temple late , there were many other people arriving late also . From Parma it took my friends 2 hours to get there . We have another storm coming in tonight but I do not have to go anywhere except one mile to the chapel to do my visiting report on the computer . Tonight we took the phone system we bought Monday back to Office Depot and came home with another one . I hate machines that are smarter than I am and anymore that is most of them . Love you all . 5 things on my to do list today : 1 . Go to the Temple to work2 . Stop at the chiropractor on the way and get my back fixed again . 3 . Call Office Depot and complain about the phones I bought and want to take back4 . Call my visiting teaching list and get record of visits done so I can do my report in the computer . 5 . Clean the car off so I can go today - got snow again in the night . 4 things I would do if I became a billionaire . 1 . Pay off our car2 . Set up some trust funds3 . Take some cruises and tours of places all over the world4 . Work at the Temple3 of my bad habits are : 1 . Eating too much2 . Reading light material instead of good stuff3 . Driving too fast - yeah for cruise control5 places I have lived : 1 . Bunkerville2 . Meridian3 . Fairbanks4 . Rochester5 . Akron5 jobs I have had1 . Secretary to Physical Evaluation Board , Parks AFB2 . Legal Secretary3 . City Clerk / Treasurer4 . Doing book work for veterinarian5 . Loading printed circuit boards for NCR4 things people don 't know about me1 . I think my life is pretty much an open book . Can 't think of anything special . Tagged : Karen , Kenneth , Stephanie , Michelle - maybe these have already been done - don 't know Here is a picture of grandpa 's ear after they finished with him on Sunday . They took out all of the stitches and he had a bandage on it still but he didn 't like it so took it of . You can see where they took the graft from . You can 't really see how his ear looks from the front . It is kind of dished on the outside edge . Today we had to go to two dr . appointments and one trip to Office Depot . It took most of the afternoon and so we missed going to the Empty Nester 's Family Home Evening and had some leftovers at home . It seems like we have three nights of leftovers after any time that I cook something . Such is life . Annette is here visiting today - going to a meeting tomorrow and then on home . Whenever our kids come , we go to the Mexican place here in town to eat . This requires a little more time than lunch at home , then usually requires a nap - you know the drill . We are enjoying the visit and I am getting a new dress out of the deal . At the first of the month our YW President asked if I would give a 10 minute talk on " Beginnings at their program on the 30th . I said yes , wrote it on the calendar and forgot about it in the hubbub of things happening with the sewer flood , etc . Then the other day I noticed something written on that day besides " work at the Temple " and lo and behold I had a talk to give . So now when I lay awake in the middle of the night , I get an ice bag for my back and lay there and think about beginnings in my life . When one is 72 years old , there are way too many beginnings to think about . I am glad I only have to talk for 10 minutes . Happy beginnings to all of you . You are all young enough that you have many before you - Enjoy ! ! This is a picture of grandpa 's ear with a cancerous spot . It is the very small dark spot you can see inside the upper curl of the ear . The doctor noticed it , took a little piece of it and the result was the surgery grandpa had yesterday morning . It turned out to be very aggressive and much larger under the skin . Dr . Burr was very thorough and did a fine job of repair . He grafted a piece from behind the ear and at the top of the neck so that the ear would not be too deformed . It took about 4 hours to complete and we thought we were just going to be about an hour at the most . We have an appointment tomorrow morning ( Sunday ) to go have the dressing changed and the wound checked . Dr . Burr told us we were to go to Sacrament meeting and then to his office . So that is what we will do . Dr . Burr also called grandpa on Friday evening to see how he was doing . He was given an rx for pain med but has not had to use it yet . This is our new carpet in the bonus room . The sewer broke recently and flooded our yard and some seeped into the bonus room , so the contractor had to replace the entire carpet . We took the opportunity to clear out the room and slightly rearrange it . The other picture is Jeff and Stephanie 's daughter Zaylee , who decided to try out Muffin 's dog kennel while they were visiting a couple weeks ago . It was too cute to pass up . I thought this might be a good way to keep in touch with my grandchildren . I always e - mail my children , and I read the blogs of my grandchildren . We don 't always have a lot of news , so this will not be an everyday thing , but hopefully it will keep you all in the loop . |
Last day of Slice of Life . . . but now I am in the routine , I will keep with blogging . Maybe not every day , but I will keep my blog up - to - date . Today I had the chance to visit a second grade writer 's workshop . The teacher had told my partner and me about things that were going on in her room and we just had to see for ourselves . So , we took a trip to visit that room . It was so much fun being in a second grade again and watching kids love to write . We got to conference with writing partners and watch how they helped each other with their pieces . One little girl showed me a book she had written . On the front was the title and by _____ . She had illustrations , too , of course . So I asked her who the illustrator was . She immediately said , " ME ! " So we looked through books her teacher had as mentor text and found the front of many with either , illustrated by or pictures by . She decided she wanted to add illustrated by to the front of her book . The picture I have attached to my blog today is a bulletin board outside their classroom . It not only has pictures of kids being writers , but also has exactly what they are doing AND the standards that are addressed . What a perfect way to spend a spring day ! Posted by My Slice of Life today has just got to be about my son and daughter - in - law . They are going through so much right now . First of all , they are expecting their first child together . . . a little boy due in August . We are all so happy about that , especially Kiann , who will be an older brother . He wanted a brother ! They just sold their house a few weeks ago and were ready to purchase a lot to begin building their dream house . They had been waiting on the bank to give them the okay . They waited and waited and waited . Then all they needed was the former owners ' signature . Those owners had divorced and moved away . The hunt began to find them . People were calling . People tried to find them . No luck . Then they found out they were on the run . So , the purchase of that lot which Todd and Beth had their heart set on , could not be bought . Now they are looking again for another house . They have a couple that are not quite what they want plus they are much more than they want to pay . They want a house to bring that little boy home to when the time comes . Being sort of " homeless " , expecting a baby , and stressed is not the best way to be . We are all praying for a miracle . They have worked so hard for this time in their lives . Hopefully , they will find the perfect house with the perfect price . We will put our faith in the One who holds the future ! Only three more days of school and then SPRING BREAK ! ! Then on Saturday we pick up the grand kids and head for Indy and the airport . After flying to Dallas and then on to Phoenix . We had everything planned for here at home , at least we thought we did . The neighbor was going to feed the cats and Sarah was going to take care of Dave . That is until we got to thinking about Dave . He is a five - month old puppy . . . . a LARGE five - month old puppy . This is Easter weekend and Sarah had lots of action going on that weekend . We decided not to make her go through the puppy stage especially when Dave had never even been to her home . We looked into lodging and pet care places . It had to be the best of the best for our Dave . The problem was . . . everything was full . Then DD had a great idea . He called a friend of his who is a young 20 year old working and going to school . He asked her if she was interested in staying here and taking care of Dave AND the cats . Her answer ? " SURE , I 'd love to ! " My sidebar comment was . . . " She hasn 't met Dave yet ! " She came over tonight to meet Dave and the cats . She still is willing to take on the challenge and stay for five days with the wild guy . We are so excited about our trip . We get to spend time with Emma and Adrian and see their dad in Phoenix . We will be staying in a resort where Andy , our son , works as a chef . It is practically on the campus of Arizona State University . I remembered that is where Frank Serafini is a professor , so I wrote to him . I wanted to know if he could give us some tips for places to go . He wrote back this morning with several good ideas . We are so excited and can 't wait to get in that sunshine ! ! ! TEN THINGS TO DO ON A RAINY SUNDAY : 1 . Wipe off Dave after coming in from doing his " duty " 2 . Read a professional book on the couch3 . Wipe off Dave after coming in from doing his " duty " 4 . Clean the bedroom , including dusting the dressers5 . Wipe off Dave after coming in from doing his " duty " 6 . Read the Sunday paper7 . Wipe Dave off again8 . Take Dave for a walk 9 . Watch the NCAA games10 . Wipe Dave off including muddy pawsWHO WANTED THIS DOG ? ? ? ? We had a great party tonight in Fort Wayne for our friend and co - worker , Barb . . . alias Barbie . Everyone was to dress like Barbie or in 60 's attire . The party was a SURPRISE for Barb . Her son from our west was here to join his twin . All her friends from work , church and family joined her . She was really a great sport about the whole thing . They even had ordered a " Barbie " outfit for her to wear . She and Kerry and also their boys were in full Barbie - wear . All the coaches I worked with last year were invited . We sat at a table at the back and had the best time . It isn 't often that we get to spend time together just talking . That is what we did tonight . We talked and laughed and ate and just had a great time . What a wonderful evening . It is great to have such terrific , fun friends and then to also be able to work with them is a real treat ! Posted by Okay , my Slice of Life today has to be the great news I got this morning . Todd and Beth found out they are having a BOY ! ! ! I really had thought it was going to be a girl . . . not sure why , just did . That 's okay , I just want a grandbaby ! I am so excited for them . They have waited so long and been through so much . What a lucky little boy ! These next four months will seem like forever , but really will fly by . My love and prayers are with this new family ! ! ! LOVE THEM ALL ! ! ! ! At the in - service tonight , we started off the section Memoir unit of study with a poem by George Ella Lyon called : " Where I 'm From " . We then had all of the participants write their own poem , using hers as a mentor text , and then share them . This is a way they could start off their Units of Study in their classrooms . Here is mine : I am from cornfields , from Coca - Cola and graham crackers . I am from country roads . Homemade , plaid skirts ; the sound of trains in the distance . I am from the peony bushes in Grandma 's backyard growing tall in the Spring but cut down soon after they bloom . I 'm from popcorn on Sunday night and " You 've got to hold your mouth right " , from Ida Mae and Jim . I 'm from sharing my Lima beans with the dog under the table and playing badminton in the front yard . From " finish all your dinner before you leave the table " and " you have to tell your sister you 're sorry " . I 'm from spending all day Sunday in church and Violet teaching us about Winky Bear in Jr . Church . I 'm from Irish roots , From potato soup and red velvet cake . From the time Joanie spilled the " grunt " water when she spent the summer with Grandma . The hot pot pies Dale and I ate for lunch at Grandma 's house . I 'm from all the family pictures spilling out of boxes under my bed waiting to be mounted into albums representing my family tree . In the midst of all our cuts , surplussing and many changes we still must carry on with what we do for kids . Today I spent the morning going over the PD that my friend and I will be delivering to the 4th and 5th grade teachers in our district . Every quarter we go over the next quarter 's writing units of study . We have been doing this for several years so now we are really bumping up what we are sharing . It is not just handing out the units with lessons , but more having the teachers brain storm and work together to make the units more rigorous for their students . Tomorrow 's session will be for Quarter 4 . We are focusing on three units of study in our two hours with them . We will start out with Independent Writing . I like to give a basic unit so those kiddos who have not been bathed in workshop will have the support they need . Then we go deeper with the study . I am not sure where the second part of our session will go with this . It all depends on where the teachers take it . The next unit of study is one of my favorites . It is the memoir session . Katie Ray says memoir can be a series of small moments . That is where we are going with the basic group . Then we are going to go deeper using Katherine Bomer 's book on memoirs . Our last unit of study is called : The Writerly Life . That is all about reflections . We are going to have the teachers reflect over their year as well as show them how they can help their students to reflect . That 's about it . If you have any suggestions or ideas for us , let us know . We would love to share ! Last night the school board made a decision . It was to approve $ 15 million in budget cuts . It was not a pretty sight to watch . This included the closing of one high school and one elementary school . They are also eliminating 91 teaching positions , ending the summer school program and cutting 9 administrative positions and reducing central office expenses by more than $ 3 million . How does this affect me ? I am not sure yet . We have a meeting on Thursday morning and I am sure I will know more then . But today I had the chance to go to the elementary building being closed . Not exactly the best time frame . We were collaborating with the building coach and the principal . We were reluctant to ask about how everyone was today . However , the coach was very up beat and said the staff was handing this well . This school is one that is located away from the urban life , almost in a field with major roads running on both sides of it . The school is like none of the other buildings in that it is more of a country school than big city district . It is so sad to see it go . Even if we all know this is best for the district , it is sad to see it go . Fortunately , I get to work there with their teachers a couple more times this year . I know the last time I am there it is going to be with a heavy heart leaving . My heart goes out to these teachers , students and everyone who has been touched by this school . Con 't from 3 / 21 : Yesterday was prep day for my procedure of the colonoscopy . Actually , what I was preparing for was what they call in slang terms : Flexible Sieg . The prep for this procedure is not as rigid as the full blown colonoscopy . Still , it was not comfortable or fun . I finished that at midnight . This morning I started with the no eating or drinking segment . There were a couple other things that I had to go through , but I don 't want to get down and dirty with that . The hardest part , honestly , was the not being able to eat or drink this morning . We left for the hospital at 9 : 20 since we live close . For the procedure a driver is required to stay for the entire time and then obviously drive you home . The Big D volunteered to take off work and do that . He is a great support throughout the time spent going through this procedure . We arrived at the hospital and checked in . A volunteer took us up to the right area . He was wonderful at making us feel comfortable and at ease . In no time at all , I was in bed with a blue wrap that had spots for them to hook up heaters to my gown . After filling out paperwork from the bed , gettng an IV hooked up and an explanation of what would happen , I was ready to be wheeled into the room for the procedure . I think this was the fastest I was " out " in all the times I have gone through this . The next time I was alert , I was back in the room waking up . A quick trip through the McDonald 's drive - through and I was home on the couch . The Big D left for work and I snuggled with a couple blankets to sleep the day away . I woke up at 5 : 00 after not even moving . Since I had not really eaten for two days we treated ourselves to a pizza from Pizza Hut . The doctor told The Big D that things looked great and I would be back for a full - blown colonoscopy next February . I have been doing these for about 10 years . I really believe it is because of them that I have never gotten colon cancer . I have had some pre - cancer polyps and my doctor has been diligent in being on top of the issue . So , if you have notPosted by My Slice of Life today has to be about what I am focusing on most today . Actually , it is not focusing on today , but what tomorrow will bring . I am taking the day off from school . Sounds like a pleasant thought , right ? Not really . I just finished taking my medicine to be sure I was ready for my visit to our local hospital . Nothing serious . Well , medically serious anyway . It is time for my dreaded colonoscopy . The procedure is not bad at all . In fact , I sort of enjoy it . The doctor comes in the room and asks how I am feeling . Then the nurse begins to let the liquid flow into my veins from the previous set intravenous tube . I really like the warm feeling that soon takes over . Once I really tried to stay awake and watch the little screen that showed what was happening . That didn 't work . I don 't do that any more . I just close my eyes and go into a blissful sleep . When I wake up I usually ask all kinds of questions . The only problem with that is , I don 't remember that I asked them and I don 't remember the answer the doctor gave me . Therefore , I ask them over and over and over and over until the doctor tells me to quit ! Well , I don 't know what he gets so upset for , he is the one who gave me the medicine to cause me to forget ! Tomorrow at 10 : 30 I will be peacefully asleep . Right now though . . . well , we won 't talk about that ! ! ! Bet you can 't wait to see what my blog will be tomorrow , can you ? At 1 : 35 p . m . it was officially Spring . . . or close to that time anyway . With only two weeks to go until we go on Spring Break , it got me thinking about what all we had to do to get ready for it . We are again this year taking two of our grandchildren on a plane to Arizona to visit their dad , Andy . Last year we had such a good time with them that we promised we would do it again this year . Andy is going to school in Scottsdale to become a chef . He doesn 't get back to Indiana enough , so we decided to go out there and see him . He already has our room ready for us at a hotel / resort where he is working as a " cook " getting ready to become a chef . It is near the University of Arizona so we are excited about being close to the school and everything that means . To get ready for the trip we always buy and then fill a backpack for each of the kids . We purchased them last night . . . . black for Adrian and read for Emma . Adrian is in kindergarten and Emma is in second grade . We also bought a few small toys , some treats , an Easter bunny stuffed toy . Today we went to Barnes and Noble and found some books that were at their reading level and some math workbooks , too . We will fly out of Indy and make one stop in Dallas on the way out . Getting ready to spend time with the kids and Andy along with just the excitement of being in Arizona again is helping me to get through the next two weeks . I am SO ready for SPRING ! ! ! All the puppy books I have read say that at 5 months your puppy is equal to ten years old . He will then start to become a little different . Instead of being the obedient dog he has been , he will start to become more independent . Since Dave just turned five months old today , we haven 't seen this behavior . Last night we did his Puppy Class homework . Yes , he has homework . He practiced heeling , sitting when we stopped walking , down and turning on heel . He did so well that we decided to try him on stay , then come and then go into heel position . He was almost perfect . I think we have the star of the class here . Of course , that doesn 't mean he will do it in Puppy Class with all those other cute puppies to distract him . Hey , I sound like the parent who says : " But they could do it at home ! " YIKES ! Cuts are happening all over the state . The governor has asked school districts to find ways to save money . He has even handed out suggestions . The district I work in has to make $ 15 million this year . Rumors are flying . Schools may be closed . Pink slips will be handed out to more teachers than I want to think . Teachers who are new to the district and some new to teaching , but excellent teachers . Our school board and superintendent have made an effort to hold meetings where those affected by the possible closings could come and vent , ask questions , or give suggestions . Two of the meetings were held in schools that are considered being cut . The last meeting was held where the board always meets for their usual meetings . Tonight was that last meeting . All day there were people out front with signs marching . The meeting was emotional , enlightening and informative . I was able to watch it on Live Streaming , the first time for this to happen . I sat in front of my computer and watched the whole thing . What a great way to be involved in what is happening in our district . I was so impressed by how the board and superintendent handled the meeting . I was so impressed with the people who spoke . They gave those suggestions . They asked those questions . And they listened . . . along with the board . No matter what happens in the mess that we are going through , I am so thankful to have been a part of this school district for the past five years . The way things are changing with schools and districts all over Indiana is amazing . Tonight our union had the meeting to show the membership the master contract tentative agreement . Everyone pushed into Anthis Career Center and found a seat or standing room only . At 4 : 30 the contract was discussed . I could go over each and every part of it , but that is not what I want to blog about . The thing that stood out for me was a slide that was put up first . It said : " It is only fair if it doesn 't affect you . " How true that is . I had never thought of it in that way before . Should the cut the " steps / increment which would affect the younger teachers ? Should they cut the insurance or make us pay more of it out of pocket which would affect everyone ? That was the discussion . It all goes back to : " It is only fair if it doesn 't affect you . " Something to stop and think about ! Parents are always anxious and nervous when their children start school . Being a primary teacher , I have experienced this over the years . As we prepared Dave for his first evening of school , we felt the same way . We had treats packed since he could not eat supper until after class . We didn 't want any accidents . We had poop - bags in case there was an accident anyway . We had his leash . . . two sizes depending on what kind of exercises he had to do tonight . Just like parents getting their children ready for the first school experience , we had trained Dave to heel , sit and down . We thought he did very well for a five month old puppy . Then we took him to class . He was so excited to see so many puppy friends of all sizes . Daddy took him through the class tonight . They did many practice rounds and met a few of the new puppy friends . Then Della , the instructor came into the ring . She is the same instructor that Murphy had for puppy class . We felt Dave did the heel , sits , and downs very well . He didn 't have much practice with about turns , so that is his homework for next week . Yes , homework . We are to work him every night during commercials . So , my baby is now in school and we are very proud of him ! It was a literacy sort of day . Spent the morning with the All Write ! ! ! gang at East Noble for a coaches ' meeting . As usual , learned lots , saw old friends and did our book study on The Book Whisperer . Then it was off to lunch at Si Senor , a favorite place to eat . Still talking literacy and school . We went back to East Noble for work on our presentation for summer institute in Shipshewana in June . Julia and I are presenting on " must - have " professional books . We are excited about the books we will be discussing . At 4 : 00 , it was back to Si Senor for our Book Club . Amy joined us and we ordered and began talking about our book for this month : Outliers . We each told about our favorite chapter and why we liked that one . . . or why it stood out for us . If you have not read that one yet , it is another MUST READ ! ! Perfect way to spend the day . . . friends , food and books ! I have been in a book study all year with a group from the All Write ! ! ! coaches . The book group I chose to be in was reading The Book Whisperer by Donalyn Miller . I chose that book group because I had the book but never seemed to finish it . I thought this would make me read it . It wasn 't that the book was boring or not appropriate for me . I was just that something else always seemed to come along . Tomorrow we were to have our last chapters read , so I needed to get busy . That is what I did this afternoon , read ! For any teacher who has not read it , I would say it is a MUST read ! Donalyn is a 6th grade teacher who says she turns every student into a reader . The book takes you through how she does that . I knew of Richard Alllington 's findings from thirty years ago where he says that students weren 't spending enough time actually reading during reading instruction , and they still aren 't . Miller finds the way to turn her students into not only readers but passionate readers . This is one book that I know I will read over and over and recommend to others . Posted by This was a Mommy - Dave Day . Dad had to go to meetings all morning , so Dave and Mommy spent the morning together . Again , he had some interesting first - time experiences . Since it was raining today , I decided to use the treadmill for my two mile walk . Dave has seen me on the treadmill and elliptical , but today was a little different for some reason . He was much more interested in what I was doing . I decided it might be interesting to have him get some exercise , too . No , I did not put him on a moving treadmill ! Instead , I turned the machine off and let him just sit on it . He wasn 't sure he even liked that . Then when he got off , I started it up again and walked at my usual pace . When he got too inquisitive , I turned it off and let him get on and sit or stand . Today was a " no - walk " day for him , but he did try to figure out what in the world I was doing . . . . walking but getting nowhere ! ! ! The other experience was a ride in the car . He did come home in the Blazer when he was a tiny puppy and go to the vet on Mom 's lap to see the vet , but this was a trip just to go to WalMart . He wasn 't sure he really liked this experience . However , he has to travel to Ft . Wayne on Tuesday to Puppy Class , so he needed some time in the car . The afternoon brought time in the cage to take a nap and relax from his busy morning . That is what the picture is about today . . . Dave in his cage . TOP TEN THINGS DAVE LOVES TO DO : 10 . Wear scarves like Murphy used to do . 9 . Eat paper . . . any paper . 8 . Chase the cats . 7 . Play with Izzy dog . ( neighbor ) 6 . Eat " Chewies " . 5 . Feel the hair dryer blow on his face . 4 . Get his teeth brushed . 3 . Tease the cats . 2 . Play ball . 1 . Go for long two mile walks ! ! ! ! ! We got the message this afternoon that our grandson was again wrestling in the finals of the middle school matches . Having a full evening planned , we had to make some hasty decisions . Like all grandparents , we made the decision thinking of the kids , not our comfort . I rushed home from the hair cut . The Big D cancelled his appointments and walked Dave , played with him and gave him some quality time . Then it was time to take off , run by McD 's and head south to the meet . We missed the first round , but got there in time to watch several other matches . We sat in the middle of Columbia City 's Indian Village group . They were loud , proud and excited . Their team was winning by a large number ! It was fun to watch their boys compete . Finally , it was time for weight 130 and Ty ! He was trying for 5th place . He was in the far ring . He was ready to go . We watched and yelled and held our breath . Was it going to go into overtime ? No , he ended up losing 7 to 10 , but it was a great match . For his first time to be in this sport , we felt he did a good job ! Congratulations , Ty on doing your personal best this year ! Posted by Whenever we can , my best friend for many years and I try to get together to catch up with what has been happening in out lives . She is retired now and I am working in another district so it isn 't as easy as it sounds . She is a great Dave fan and loves to catch up with him , too . Tonight she came to my house and we played with Dave and walked him . He loved all the attention . Then we let him sleep and we went out to eat at a neighborhood restaurant . We had so much to talk about ! It was great ! Wonderful times with friends ! Today was one of those days where you feel like you are on the road more than anywhere else . Sounds like fun , but really it is tiring ! I visited three schools with amazing coaches . I love having discussions , conversations and plain ol ' problem solving sessions with them . I went from the south side of town , to the northwest side and ended on the northeast side . Trying to fit it all in within a time schedule is the hard part . I was looking forward to a quiet night at home just watching Idol . NOT ! ! ! On the way home I called The Big D and he started off with , " Did you get my message ? " Since I had not been near my computer since 9 : 30 that morning , I did not see the message . Well , it seems that our oldest grandson was now going to be in the tournament wrestling match on the other side of the county tonight after all . I rushed home , fed the cats , gave Dave a short walk and headed back to the " big " city . We grabbed fast food ( there goes my diet ) on the way and made it to the gym in time to watch three sections of mats being used . We spotted our grandson in the stands , but he couldn 't see us in the crowd . We waited and watched and tried to figure out when he would compete . Finally , we were rewarded with him entering the ring . Unfortunately , he got pinned . We watched a couple more rounds and then left for our drive back home , stopping to get Dave some Kong filler . Just enough time to do my blog , check the email and watch Idol . Hope tomorrow is an easier day ! Today I am going to brag about a school I visited this afternoon . I have been working with this group off and on for five years . I have grown to love them and feel like part of their school family . They are a hard working bunch who are always thinking about what is best for their kids ! They have taken on the challenge to make learning more personal for their students . They are doing all sorts of things in the classrooms . It doesn 't look alike , but it all looks like things that will make learning fun and exciting . I want to tell you about just a couple things I saw today . First , there was a group of first graders who just made a chart for their room about Quality Friends . This is what the chart said : Quality Friends - - treating others the way you want to be treated ; - is nice ; - does not call you names ; - is kind when you are hurt ; - keeps your secrets . One class had a Class Mission Statement . It went like this : We will be a kid of good character , a good teammate and do our best to be a great learner . Another room had this chart : A STAR student : Is a good listener , treats others with kindness , does neat and careful work , and tries their hardest ! There were charts for showing the progress they were making in : math , words they could read , school attendance and weekly behavior . How can these children not get better when they have set their own goals and know what they need to do to reach them . I can 't wait to see their progress ! What a beautiful , sunny Sunday in northern Indiana . Sure would love it to just stay this way until summer really gets here . However , living as long as I have , I know that is not going to happen . Still , I am going to enjoy it as long as I can . Three things today made it even more special . First , there was long walks with Dave in warm weather . Since he was born in late October , he really hasn 't experienced anything except snow . Mud is not something he knows much about , but he is sure willing to find out ! He loves to walk right through mud puddles and muddy fields . We have a towel and running water close by when he comes home from his walks . Next , we got to see Todd and Beth and little ? ? ? ? today . They had to stop by to pick up something they had stored in our basement after their move . I think they are already a little stressed from the move in with her mom . But they are so thankful she is willing to take them and their two dogs . It is so nice to see signs of little ? ? ? ? . Last of all , I got to spend time just reading for the pleasure of reading . Not something for making me a better coach , but just reading . Our book club is next week and I suggested the book Outliers . We are all enjoying it , but I have to get it read ! I read it once , but need to review it and a reread of a good book is always enjoyable . Hopefully , we will have more weekends like this . But this weekend was wonderful and believe me , I appreciate it ! ! ! With a new puppy , it is always fun to watch him experience new things . Today it was a bubble bath ! I had not been feeling the best today , but we still did all our normal and necessary things . We walked Dave twice , which meant two miles each time . We also did a lot of errands and even did some shopping at Jefferson Point . Tonight after we had gone to one of our favorite restaurants : Italian Grille , we came home for a quiet evening . Since I had been chilling all day even though it was a warm sunny day , I decided to take a hot bath , a bubble bath , and relax . Dave thought this was very interesting . He watched as I relaxed into the water and bubbles . Then he put his paws on the side of the tub and leaned in as far as he could . He stuck his nose in the water . He liked that , so he then stuck a paw in the water . . . even better . Next he got a taste of the bubbles . Hey , bubble baths are fun ! ! ! Posted by How in the world do puppies have so much energy ? This morning Dave 's favorite past time was to ram everywhere he went . I placed him on the bed while I made it and he ran from one end to the other . For a 50 pound dog , that was far ! When he got down on the floor , he again ran from one end of the bedroom to the other . . . over and over and over . His energy was endless . Actually , we did know why he was so energetic . He had been in his cage all day yesterday , then after a brief mile walk , a supper of dog food and a run with the cats , he was back in his cage for five hours . We had a very entertaining evening in Hicksville , OH . We started with supper with one of our favorite people , Ramona and then headed for the local theater : The Huber Theater . Our evening consisted of the Fitzgerald family from Canada . They did the most amazing show of dancing and playing all kinds of instruments . Everything Fritz was probably our favorite of the season for Huber 's series . Can 't wait for next year to see what they have in store . This morning I was reminded of another of Dave 's rituals . It all started when I was trying to hurry to get ready for work and Dave was in the mood to play . Well , Dave is ALWAYS in the mood to play ! I was in the bathroom putting cream on my face . He was begging to have me play with him . I reached over and found some body cream , put it all over my hands and then rubbed his face with it . He loved it . He sat down and licked and licked his face . That gave me a little free time . Next , I began brushing my teeth . Dave was back . He stood with his front legs on the counter and back legs on the floor . He was up to my waist in height . A very big boy ! He loved the idea of water and something going into the mouth . I remembered we had doggy toothpaste for Murphy , so I dug it out along with an old toothbrush . I got the toothbrush ready , and then opened Dave 's mouth and proceeded to brush . At the time , he still had many baby teeth and lots of gum area . He thought that was great . Again this morning , I brushed my teeth . . . with toothpaste he does NOT like . Then I got out Dave 's toothbrush , spread the mint doggy - flavor all over the brush and gave his teeth the once over . Now he has all his adult teeth and they are sparkling white . He even has great doggy - breath ! ! ! Today was quite a day at our house . It all started normal enough . Dave got up on time and went out just like he always does . He brought the paper in to Mommy , just as he always does . The one different thing was that he didn 't eat his breakfast or have any water . That wasn 't his choosing . He was not happy about that idea at all . When I brushed my teeth , he put both paws on the counter and tried to get at the water . I felt so sorry for him . You see today was his day to go to the vet for surgery . We decided we did not want any more Dave 's around . . . anywhere . I kissed him good - bye when I left for work . Daddy took him to the vet this morning . About noon I got a text message that Dave could be picked up between 2 : 00 and 4 : 00 . I was the designated driver to bring him home . As I was paying the bill at the counter , a little push came to my leg . I looked down and there he was . Not the usual happy , jumpy puppy . He looked so pathetic ! I took him to the car and drove him home . When he went in the house he immediately went to the living room and got on the couch . I placed his blanket under him and that is where he has stayed . He nods off to sleep and then wakes up and looks at me like , " What have you done to me ? " It is so sad . I know we will have our old Dave back by tomorrow , probably , but right now he is a very sad looking baby ! Posted by In the past few years I have learned to love working with kindergarten children . You never know what they are going to say and they are so free . Today I needed to pull some sample writing from students . Naturally , I chose kindergarten writing ! I was in an elementary building where I have worked with a kindergarten class , so I went to visit that class to borrow their writing . In that room was one of my favorite authors . . . Abigail . Her book went like this : " Yesterday my rom was a mas . My mom , sad . . . Kegn up yor rom . I keb up my rom . Teu you Abigail . Tuin in . " Translation : Yesterday my room was a mess . My mom said . . . clean up your room ! I cleaned up my room . Thank you , Abigail . The end . The illustrations were bright with lots of details . when I talked to her about her book she had a picture of someone in bed and another person alimbing a ladder beside her . She said that was her sister in bed and her older sister climbing the ladder to the bunk bed . She told me the whole story of what happened that night . Then she said , " That is my next story ! " I love kindergarten writers . . . always thinking ! Slice of Life : March 1stAgain this year I am going to try my hand at keeping the Slice of Life going all month . If you are interested in finding out more , just check out The Two Writing Teachers blog . Today started off as a typical Monday . The alarm went off at 5 : 30 and by 5 : 45 I was up and moving . . . slowly , but moving . My usual routine is to take a shower and then feed our two yellow tabby cats , Nickey and Oliver . This is what I did this morning . As I made my way downstairs to their feeding spot , Nickey zoomed past me as Oliver yowled all the way to the basement . I guess he wasn 't happy that I took time to shower before they ate . I filled their bowls and cleaned their litter box and slowly made my way back up the stairs . Before I left that area , I closed the door to be sure our new golden retriever puppy , Dave , allowed them to finish eating . My husband 's routine is to take Dave on his short walk to do his buisness and gather the two papers before he comes in for breakfast . As I came up the stairs , Dave and his " daddy " were just coming in from their morning routine . I took the stairs a little faster as I heard them coming in the house . " Go find Mommy , " my husband told Dave . There came that cute golden with his head held high and feet prancing . In his mouth he carried one of the morning papers . He walked right up to me and held it up as if to say , " Look what I brought you ! " How can a week go bad when you begin it with that look ? What an adorable baby ! Golden Days , indeed ! ! ! |
During my husband 's second deployment his mind began to turn against him . Follow as I document his progress while he works thru this dark period in his life . I can 't offer you first - hand perspective . I can only show you the intense love and admiration of a devoted wife . I am Emme . Jay and I have been together for seven years . He is battling PTSD . I am writing this blog as a way to journal our experience and to provide a record of my endless love for him and my devotion to our marriage . Hopefully , this will be a short term experience and life will go on as normal . But , if it lingers I will be here writing about it . I would like to thank Erin from Luck and Bliss for mentioning me on her blog . I am touched that she felt like sharing our story with her readers . When I saw her post about us yesterday I was motivated to do a really positive update . I had just dropped Jay off at the hospital for his second day in outpatient care . I had straightened up my house and felt pretty on top of things . Jay had seemed so good . He had presented one of his breathing tics the night before but other than that it seemed like we were at the beginning of recovery . So I began my post by blathering on about the night before . I was going to talk about how he had wanted to go to a public place again , to walk around and get himself back into circulation . Then how we had gone to a small flea market and he had appeared nervous at every turn . I was going to say how he had wanted to pump gas but had forgotten how to use the debit machine at the pump . Then I thought I 'd throw in how when we had gotten home he had taken his shoes off and sat them on the dining room table . I was also going to bring up that he was bathing a ridiculous amount . He had been taking three to five baths a day since he came home from deployment . But then I was going to wrap it up that these were just little quirks that we could move past . After all lots of people get skittish in public places . And he could forget how to do simple every day things , he hadn 't pumped gas in a very long time . Shoes on the table ? A silly little mistake . Five baths a day just means he likes to be clean . But before I could finish my post it was time to go pick Jay back up from the hospital . I would have to come back to the computer later . Later would prove to be pretty awful and that positive update I wanted to share will have to wait . Because those quirks from the night before weren 't quirks at all but warning signals that I refused to see . I had wanted him to be well so badly that I was going to ignore every oddity . It was just a replay of what had happened when he first came home from Afghanistan . ThingsPosted by Yesterday Jay finally got to walk out of the hospital . It was a really sunny day and his face was just glowing . I could see that he was scared to death though . One of the things that terrifies him is being on the interstate . It used to never phase him but now it paralyzes him . Naturally , there was absolutely no way to get home ( within a decent amount of time ) without getting on two different freeways . Lucky for us since it was just after 9am the traffic was pretty light . He did really well on the way home and I was so proud of him . We had some therapy related errands to run and I could tell that he was anxious to get everything in line . He started outpatient today and he needed to clear with his command whether or not he could even go and whether or not he would have to go to formation every morning before being at the hospital at 7 : 15am to catch the van that takes him to outpatient in the city . It 's hard to believe that someone who is NOT a doctor - - not a medically trained individual in any capacity , can decide whether or not a REAL doctor 's orders should stick . Luckily , Jay was free to go . However , he still has to show up at formation every morning at 6am . Which means that Rush and I get to sit in the parking lot every morning for formation since Jay is still not ready to drive . Then we 'll make a mad dash to get Jay changed out of his uniform ( street clothes are encouraged at the hospital ) and over to catch his ride . His unit is going on block leave for several weeks starting this weekend . We are still unsure whether or not Jay will be using his leave or not . He will be going to outpatient every day regardless . Since he won 't get back until after 1pm every day from the hospital it is unclear right now how the rest of his day will go . And that means I don 't know how the rest of my own day will go . This could end up being the ' Summer of Waiting in Parking Lots ' . Which sucks because it 's also the ' Summer The Air Conditioning Went Out in the Car ' . Friday - - - The FuryToday was supposed to be the day that Jay could come home . I kept it in the back of my head that they might keep him into the middle of next week . But after a meeting with his team ( doc , therapist , etc ) it was decided that if all went well I could pick him up Friday . Friday - today . Today as in yesterday - it - was - clear - that - the - next - day - would - be - FRIDAY ! ! ! The key I guess is that little phrase , " if all went well . " All did not go well but not because of any fault of my husband . Things could not get processed in time for him to be released before everyone left for the weekend . Apparently , Jay has to make a stop in at the behavioral health center on post after he is released from the hospital . At noon today I got a call from my very depressed husband . He said that there is a 2pm deadline to process everything . So , from yesterday afternoon til 2pm today NOTHING was done in time to get Jay home . Now , he has to sit in the hospital all weekend even though he is technically cleared for release ! ! ! I had to listen to the disappointment in his voice as he explained to me that he couldn 't come home because someone didn 't start the process to release him early enough to meet the 2pm deadline . All of the office people who made this decision got to go home at 5pm . My husband gets to stare at the hospital walls for another three nights for no medical reason . Tell me how someone could know on Thursday that Jay was to be released but could wait until it was too late to file paperwork . Or tell me how it is that someone in behavioral health could deny the process knowing that it would mean that someone would have to stay in the hospital another weekend . I knew at 12pm that this was happening . In my eyes that 's two whole hours that SOMETHING could have been done . I realize that in the grand scheme of things , this is really not that horrible . It just frustrates me because he just came home from a deployment . Then almost immediately he was hospitalized . He misses his family . This mishandling is just frustrating . I could be seePosted by Monday again . Yesterday was visitation and it went really well . Two of Jay 's friends from work surprised him . It was nice to see that people care about him enough to make the trek up to the hospital on a weekend . Jay seemed a lot like his old self . I could tell though , that the hospital is getting to him . He is ready to come home . He 's scared to death of the real world but I know he is tired of being away from me and the kids . Today I had a meeting with Jay and the therapist . What a really nice guy . He asked a lot of questions that really got Jay to open up about things that I was completely unaware of . For instance he feels useless right now . I had no idea . I am heartbroken that he feels that way . I wanted to tell him that being useful was never why I loved him in the first place . I wanted to say that if being useful meant doing things around the house , he was never exactly " useful " to begin with : ) I wanted to say that he doesn 't have to BE anything or DO anything to be loved in our family . It 's a free ride . Just a perk for being one of us . I wanted to say that if there was any ' reason ' why I loved him , it had nothing to do with usefulness . I love him and want to be with him for purely selfish reasons . I want to be near him because he makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world . He makes me laugh like no one else can . And he makes me feel safe . Not financially safe . Not physically safe . He makes me feel safe in a way that means that what we have is real and it 's not going anywhere . Money : come or go . Mental health : come or go . WE are forever . Those are the things I wish I had said . In reality all I said was , " I wish you didn 't feel that way . " V - e - r - y helpful . sigh . These weekends without Jay are really bumming me out . I mean , we made it thru another deployment yet here we are apart some more . Enough whining . I did get to talk to him a bit this afternoon over the phone and he seemed in good spirits . His smoke breaks are timed so he told me he 'd call me again tonight . I 'm counting on it . Yesterday I had to tell him that I couldn 't get his new ( ' 87 ) Mustang started . He told me when he went into the hospital to keep going to the garage and starting it every few days . I totally forgot . How ? I have no idea . But when I went out there to finally start it up , the battery had died . I 'm not sure why . The day Jay went to the hospital he wanted to sit in his car for a bit before we left . Maybe something was left on and drained the battery . I hope that 's all it is . I don 't know anything about cars but when it makes no sound at all when you turn the key , I suppose a dead battery is a safe bet . Also , I had to tell him that the Army is screwing with his paycheck AGAIN . He is owed some back pay that he never received while deployed . He tried to get it fixed while he was in Afghanistan but it never was . He went in to have it fixed when he got home and I was hoping that they had finally decided to give him his correct pay . No luck this payday . Maybe in another two weeks . I want interest . He 's also owed another chunk of money for being deployed that he had to turn in some paperwork for . Unfortunately , all the other guys did this when he was going into the hospital . So we have to wait for Jay to get released before we can even turn ours in . I suppose I could just turn in the paperwork to one of his superiors and just hope for the best . I think , given the track record of complete FAILURES I 've witnessed within our time here , I will just wait til Jay can take care of it personally . On a positive note , it IS the weekend so that means my daughter , P , is here . We are having our last Ghost Whisperer marathon later today . Three discs from Netflix completes Season 4 and brings us up to date . I am a little Posted by Because Jay 's Wednesday 's visitation is at 6 I have to cross the city during rush hour . This terrifies me . I don 't mind stop / start stoplight traffic . But this particular traffic requires alot of merging as I dart across freeways . I hate it . So much in fact that I left my house early enough to completely avoid it . Which put me in the hospital 's neighborhood around 4pm . Early , early . There is a giant mall a couple stop lights down from Jay 's hospital so Rush and I just hung out there for a bit . I was hoping that there would be a play area like there is in our hometown mall , but no such luck . Next week we will look for an outdoor park close by . If it 's raining I know we can still hang out near the fountains in the mall . I 'll just bring Rush 's nintendo DS and I 'll grab a magazine . Maybe we 'll have a snack or something . Anything to avoid killing someone on the freeway . Sunday was Mother 's Day and I wrote that I was livid that Jay 's parents didn 't come to visitation . Jay was disappointed but not surprised . I felt that it was totally unacceptable seeing how the hospital is less than an hour away from their house . I called them on Monday not sure if I was going to be able to maintain any grace and poise . I didn 't have to worry about it . Jay 's dad immediately went into apologetic mode and said he 'd be there on Wednesday . I politely told him that I was very protective of Jay 's feelings and I wouldn 't stand for him to get hurt therefore I wouldn 't be telling him that they were coming . If they showed up , then it would be a nice surprise . But it wouldn 't be a letdown if they flaked . . . errr . . . . if something came up . They DID show up . And they stayed the whole time . They even got there an hour early because they worried about the traffic too . I was so impressed . I know it seems obvious that parents should want to visit their son in the hospital . But this family is DIFFERENT to say the least . They are moving up my ladder of respect just for coming . My other - mother did make the comment to Jay , " Sooo , what are we doing for Mother 's DPosted by Sunday was visitation day and I spent the whole morning begging for the afternoon to hurry up and arrive . I can only visit Jay from 2 : 30 - 4pm . Not nearly enough time . It was Mother 's Day and my mother - in - law ( the other - mother ) was supposed to show up with Jay 's dad and niece . I was kinda jealous because I only have three hours a week to spend with him and I don 't want to share . BUT he does need to see other people so I will graciously step aside if others want to visit . I don 't know why I even thought that they 'd really show up . As I was sitting in the parking lot , getting ready to go in , I got a call from the - other - mother . " Emme , " in a sad , little voice , " We aren 't going to be able to make it . " WHY ? " Jay 's dad didn 't get up in time and hasn 't had a shower . " Ummm , really ? This is your excuse ? I said , " Don 't worry . I 'll let him know you tried . " Later I learned that Jay 's dad told his grandmother that they hadn 't come because the niece was sick . Which is it ? Whatever . Here is what you missed ! Jay walked into the cafeteria holding two little flowers . He had them sticking out of eye - drop bottles . One for me and one marked ' mom ' . AND YOU WEREN ' T THERE ! ! ! Yours just wilted in my car along with any raveling of respect I ever could have mustered for you . SHAME . ON . YOU . I have become incredibly protective of Jay 's feelings . I will destroy the person who makes him sad . Luckily , I suppose , he 's been dealing with this family his whole life and expects this type of behavior . He wasn 't the least bit surprised . Disappointed for sure , but not surprised . I do not accept this . I have been nice for years because Jay is determined to build a relationship with his parents . He keeps trying and keeps trying . And over and over again they just keep letting him down . It 's hard to watch . He wants for us to be the bigger people and let things go . I keep holding my tongue because he wants me to . I don 't know how much longer I can keep my mouth shut . On a positive note , Jay looked amazing ! He was cheerful and very happy that a friend from work Posted by Today was Jay 's appointment with the social worker , Jan . Since Jay is unavailable at the moment , Dr . W suggested I keep it . I was a little nervous going in . I wasn 't sure what to expect . I knew that Dr . W wanted me to speak with Jan because he knows that what Jay is going thru is affecting the entire family . But I didn 't know if I would be expected to talk about my feelings or if we 'd work together to make a plan of action to keep my family together thru Jay 's battle . I sat in the waiting room filling out the health questionnaire . A thousand questions but so easy . I have wonderful parents , I had a beautiful childhood , I don 't drink , don 't smoke , don 't do drugs , I don 't have anger issues , and there are no dark family histories lurking in my family tree . I am the most boring client / patient EVER . Since I 'm very uncomfortable with the idea of whining about my feelings on our situation I decided I would go in there and just focus on what Jay needs from us . I 'm not saying that a wife shouldn 't go in there and whine if she is feeling overwhelmed or sad or angry . She most certainly should get those feelings out to someone who has the power to help her . It 's just that I am not at that point . Rush came with me so all worries about what Jan and I would talk about were for nothing . He dominates the room . Especially since he 's currently obsessed with tornadoes . He talks about them non - stop , he watches videos on the computer , he " tracks " the weather on the radar , and he draws them incessantly . He doesn 't seem afraid of them . At least not in the usual sense . As he says , " They are just in my head and I can 't get them out . " Naturally , Jan was all over this . She made the connection that anyone might about how Rush 's life might feel like a whirlwind and out of control right now . I thought to myself that this was straight off a TV movie . Is it ever really so cut and dry ? Jan told me of an art therapy for children that 's going on thru July . I definitely think I need to get him into that . He carries a pen and paper everywhere and he dPosted by Today is my first day with no physical contact with Jay since he got home from Afghanistan . He was admitted on Tuesday and visitation was yesterday . Today I am on my own . We 've been apart so much that being without him is quite normal . But being away from him when he is sick is breaking my heart . I know that this is a journey he needs to take on his own but I can 't help but want to at least hold his hand while he goes thru it . I waited all day to see if he would call . I finally called him around 9pm . I figured he was waiting til just before bedtime to call me like he did when he was deployed ( which he was ) but I just couldn 't wait . I needed to hear his voice . I needed to hear that he was upbeat and positive . I needed him . We only spoke for a few minutes before he was called away by something . But those few minutes put me at ease . One of the things I was looking forward to at the end of deployment was finally being able to walk from room to room without worrying where my cellphone was . I guess I am still chained to this thing for a little while longer . I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Visitation DayEven though I had just dropped Jay off at the hospital yesterday I am ecstatic that today is visitation day . It 's from 6 - 7 : 30pm which puts me on the edge of downtown right at rush hour . I spent the night with Grannie which is north of the hospital . I had to battle the bumper to bumper snake - line around the city . Thankfully , it was an easy trip with little exiting and merging and everyone around me seemed calm and patient . My nerves were shot by the time I got there . I had stopped earlier to get him a calling card , a magazine and a few other things . I got WAY down the interstate when I realized I hadn 't ever bought the calling cards which were the most important thing . I stopped at one gas station but they didn 't have any . I didn 't want to fool around guessing if another gas station might have some so I back - tracked to where I knew there was a Walmart . With my mistake , the traffic and me getting slightly lost once I got in the area , I ended up being about 20 minutes late . He didn 't care . I had been led to the cafeteria where we are allowed to visit . I waited for him to come down and when he popped around the corner he was the sweetest thing I 'd ever seen . He actually smiled . I hadn 't seen that in several days and it was so wonderful . We sat at the table and tried to talk while Rush kept himself busy with a salt shaker . There are no toys in the area and I don 't believe I am allowed to take any items into the cafeteria . It appears that visitation is going to be a little frustrating . It 's hard for a five year old to sit still for an hour and a half . We sat there holding hands and occasionally just laying our heads down on the table . We are emotionally exhausted and it was nice to just sit together , touching , but with no pressure to speak . I wonder how long he will be there . Dr . W told me to expect 6 weeks but to not be surprised by 2 1Posted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . AdmittedI woke up when the alarm went off at 4 : 45am to find Jay sitting at the table tying his shoes . At least that was the last thing he was doing . He had fallen asleep mid lace . What a sight to see him fully asleep with his butt in the chair and his face nearly in his boot . Poor guy . I was so angry that even though he was being admitted to a psychiatric hospital today he was not excused from formation . Good God , heaven forbid he not show up to stand in the wet grass for ten minutes . We made our way to the hospital in the city . Jay was so nervous and kept stalling . I practically had to drag him in there . It was absolutely the saddest day I can remember , short of a death in the family of course . I had packed his bag with three complete changes of clothes , tons of cigarettes , and his toiletries . He was allowed little else . No cellphone , no ipod , nothing . I helped get him admitted and hugged him as tightly as I could . I told him how I was so very proud of him and how I would come to visit him as soon as they let me . And then a very nice lady walked him thru the door and left me in the lobby . I made my way back to the car and sobbed til I could barely breathe . I drove up to get Rush from Aunt B 's . The sun was shining and the wind was blowing . I had the window down and as I crossed the big bridge that leaves the city from one state into another , a peacefulness washed over me and I knew that Jay was going to be ok . We have spent tons of time apart . Years in fact if you were to add it all up . But this was different . This time , he wasn 't leaving to do something he had chosen to do . This time I felt like he was a victim and left to struggle thru treatment . A victim of the Taliban , a victim of our government , a victim of a navy doctor who did little when my husband was begging for help . But , I know that he is not truly a victim . Thanks to thousands of VetPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Trying DayJay rarely became aware at all today . He was stubbornly awake but never fully lucid . He had the day off and I really wanted him to just relax all day . The next day he was to begin the outpatient treatment and I knew he was nervous . But life had another direction . We went out for him to smoke but I immediately had to shuffle Jay and our boy back inside as I was witnessing a break - in at our neighbors house . Jay didn 't catch on right away to what was happening . I would have loved to just pretend I didn 't see anything so I could let Jay skip the drama that would follow . But , of course , I called the police and waited for the mess to unfold . I didn 't know the address of the house that was being broken into as it was behind us . It was irrelevant anyway because the man had darted out of the house when we had gone outside . So , the cop came to my house . I met him before he could come in and tried to quickly explain to not startle my husband . He understood and was very polite . He went about his policeman business at the house behind us but left his car in front of my house blocking our car . Another police car was now parked behind his . Wonderful . Not only does the whole neighborhood know that I have called the cops , they are all out wondering what 's going on . Thru it all , there is poor Jay , looped out of his mind from his medication , teetering on the edge of sanity from this stupid disorder , and all our neighbors are gathered around to find out what 's going on . This is to be expected and was actually kind of helpful as there has been a string of break - ins to peoples ' vehicles lately . The truck across the street from my house was broken into not long before Jay came home . A couple months before that , a guy had come to my door late at night . I didn 't answer the door but spoke to him thru the window . He was trying to sell me a GPS he had pulled fromPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . The Calf We woke up at Mom 's and it was a lazy , rainy day on the farm . Mid - morning we were outside with Mom on the porch chit - chatting as she was preparing the grill . Jay was very talkative and it was so nice to be out there with two of my favorite people away from all the noise of town . Nothing in sight but cows and trees . So peaceful . Until we heard gunshots in the distance . Immediately Jay jerked around to see where the shots came from . Mom quickly explained that it was just hunters far off in the woods . But , Jay was shaken up so we went back into the house . He took a Clonipin which immediately sends him into a zombie - trance . I sat on the floor and he clung to my lap til he fell asleep . A few days before , a calf had been born to a momma whose milk never came in . My parents had been feeding him from a giant bottle . My husband , the great animal lover , jumped at the chance to feed the baby cow . Everyone trekked out to the barn in the rainy , nasty muck to see the calf . We all stood in the barn laughing while Jay made jokes with the calf . He was so at home out there with that animal . Then the rain just poured down . The noise on the tin roof stopped Jay mid - sentence . He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into my shoulder and stood their shaking til it passed . No one said a word but I looked at my mom and her eyes were watering up . I couldn 't look at my dad because I knew that I would start crying and I really needed to hold myself together so Jay wouldn 't be embarrassed . Finally , he let go and went back to finish his sentence . Jay , being a medic , gave dad tips to help build up the calf 's energy . I don 't know if my dad needed the advice or not but he appeared that he appreciated it . Jay knew that the calf needed a sugar boost and advised dad on what product to buy from the farm supply store . Dad needed to give the calf a shot of antibiotiPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Busy DayJay has been home for a week . He woke up groggy but ready to get going . He hadn 't slept well as he kept getting up to check the locks on the doors . A few days before he had installed little alarms on them . They don 't connect to anything but just let out a shrill beep whenever the door is open . Normally , people would have these set just at night time . But Jay insists they stay on all day so he knows when the door is open . There is also a setting on the alarm so that instead of a shrill beeping there is a small ding - dong sound . That is our compromise during the day . So now if you come into my home it sounds as if you are walking into the corner market . Welcome ! How can I help you today ? Jay and P ( our daughter ) spent the afternoon removing speakers from the truck to put into my car when Jay gets to feeling better . While they were outside our neighbor struck up a conversation with him . I glanced outside and saw them standing together and smoking . Jay has been very out of it since beginning his medication and I could only imagine what the neighbor must have been thinking since I wasn 't there explaining Jay 's behavior . Jay appears high or drunk . Very much NOT what is actually happening to him . It turns out that the neighbor is a Vietnam vet who was badly injured in the war and I would later learn as I spoke to him a few days after , his life was saved by a medic . He felt a connection with my medic - husband , maybe even a protectiveness . Jay decided he wanted to go visit my parents and my brother . My brother lives next door to my parents as does my grandma ( Mamaw as we say where I 'm from . ) I had told my mother to tell everyone what was happening to Jay so that they would be prepared . I explained that it was hard to watch but to act as if everything was ok . They didn 't have to ignore that things had changed , but Jay didn 't want them to be alarmed . Posted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Finally The WeekendI got Jay off to work today and then picked him up again at 11am . Everyone had been let go but had to be back later that afternoon . We decided to run to the BMV to transfer the title and register the Mustang . It was very crowded and instead of taking a number and taking a seat like we normally see , the line snaked around like at a bank . It was alot for Jay to take so he slipped out and waited for me to get closer to the front of the line . It was finally our turn and all was going well . We signed what we needed to sign , their guy had gone to inspect our vehicle ( since it was an out of state title ) , and just as we were getting ready to pay , the system in the ENTIRE state failed . We were so close . She had our license plate sitting on our paperwork . My debit card was out and almost in her hands . And then , bam . Nothing . We waited it out for about twenty minutes but gave up . She stapled our paperwork together and told me I could come back later . Argh . The place was quite packed by then and as we were walking out a little old man in a little old truck pulled up to the door to check things out . I politely told him that he might want to come back another time since the computers were down . Jay recognized the emblem on the old man 's hat . I didn 't but I recognized the sticker on his truck window . He had the same Airborne symbol as the patch on my husband 's uniform . Completely out of character , my husband reached out his hand and struck up a conversation with the man . They talked for a bit and discovered they were both from the 2 - 504 . Don 't ask me what all that entails because I don 't know . But it was a sweet coincidence to run into this old man who had been one of those " Devils in Baggy Pants " back when the Devils actually jumped into combat . Jay isn 't with the 82nd anymore but he went to Iraq with them . It was heart warming to see my huPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . The Trip , The Cell Phone , and TMISince Jay had slept for 14 hours I was hopeful that today would be a good day . I got him to work and luckily everyone was released at 9am . I had been waiting in the car for three hours . Since it was so early in the morning it wasn 't hot yet , but our son was awake this time . It is very difficult to keep a five year old busy in a car for three hours . But , Jay had asked me to wait , so wait I did . On the way home I asked him how he felt since he seemed less zombie - like . He told me he felt numb . It hurts when the man you love is so sad from the inside out . We had an errand to run in the city . A trip to the city requires about 25 minutes on the interstate . Right now the interstate is not Jay 's friend . Semis zipping by at 70 mph send Jay up against the car door grasping the handles . Our errand took us downtown where I do not like to drive . This time of year is BIG for this little city and the traffic was not pretty . I do not enjoy driving and I HATE driving in the city . Period . We got a little turned around and I was getting very nervous . I 'm always afraid that I am going to make a stupid mistake and cause an accident . This anxiety is very real and has paralyzed me since I was 16 . But , only one person at a time can have anxiety issues so I really need to learn to keep mine in check . The beautiful thing was Jay took my hand and calmed ME down . He helped me figure out where I needed to be and helped me see that my fears were unwarranted . We got lost on our way out but I didn 't care because I knew that he was with me . And thankfully , he was lucid enough to help me . I 'm happy I had the little attack . It provided me a window into what my husband must be feeling . In my case , I knew why I was feeling the way I was and I knew that it would stop as soon as I was out of the situation . Jay feels that panicked feeling thru out the Posted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Sleepy TimeI had a very hard time getting Jay to work today . He was so out of it . I dressed him and got him to the car . I had begged him to let me call someone so he didn 't have to go in to work but he refused . I reluctantly dropped him off at formation but I waited in the parking lot for 3 1 / 2 hours just in case he needed me to take him home . I was half afraid that his superiors would call the ambulance to have him admitted . I knew that between his exhaustion and the medication he just needed rest . Thankfully , our son just slept in the backseat while I waited . I drifted off myself and had I been able to stay awake , I would have noticed that all of the guys had been bussed to a different location . I was sitting in the parking lot waiting on NOBODY . When I finally got the courage to leave and go home I was a nervous wreck until I got the call I was expecting . " Come get your husband . He can 't stay awake . " Well , duh . He fell asleep immediately in the car . Somehow I got him into the house . I managed to get him down to his underwear and onto the couch . He slept there until I had to wake him for work the next morning . Not a peep for fourteen hours . He had been so afraid to sleep since he came home and he was in so much turmoil . The sound of him snoring was the most beautiful sound in the whole world . ( It would be the last serious block of sleep that he would get before he was admitted ) I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . First Day Back to WorkToday Jay had to go back to work . The doctor wanted him to have a little time off but because the guys had just returned from a deployment he was required to complete Reverse SRP ( soldier readiness processing ) . I consider that BS ( no explanation needed ) . I drove him to work as he was not able to drive himself . The medication that Dr . W had prescribed had yet to really kick in but it was clear by that point that he didn 't belong behind the wheel . I was afraid to leave him so I drove to the Walmart just off post and walked around for an hour . According to his profile he was allowed to call me to get him if he needed me . I drove home not sure if he was going to make it thru the morning . I knew they only had a half day or so , so the odds were good that he 'd make it . His friend drove him home and although he still had the breathing tic when he came in the house , he appeared well . Around 1pm he became very sleepy but refused to lie down . ( This would be what I would battle for the next week . ) He would be exhausted to the point of sleeping while standing , but would absolutely refuse to sleep . So , I would follow him around the house to make sure he didn 't hurt himself . My mother had called me in the afternoon and since I needed to charge my phone in my car I asked Jay if he wanted to smoke in the car while I talked to her . While we were out there he asked me to look for something in the house . I ran in the house to get it and when I came back outside he was asleep and burning a hole in his pants with his cigarette . Although he was beyond tired he demanded that we go to the pet store . He had his heart set on getting two baby rats . I wanted him to stay home where it was safe but he insisted . So off we went to find his babies . He presented several tics at the pet store and appeared very withdrawn but the employee that helped us was soPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Diagnosis DayToday we went to the psychiatrist . Jay was so nervous but I was relieved . He was finally getting help . Help from a real doctor , in a real office , close to a real hospital . I sat with Jay in the waiting room . The doctor came to personally escort Jay to his office . I was ecstatic that he suggested that I come along too . I had no intention of speaking but I wanted to be there to hold Jay 's hand . I am so glad I got to meet Dr . W . A civilian ! ! A man with his own mind and not chained to protocol and agenda . A man who was not hesitant to diagnose Jay with PTSD . Unlike the doctor before him , a navy doc on the FOB ( forward operating base ) , who could only hand Jay a diagnosis of " anxiety disorder " . I don 't know why that doctor made the choices he did so I will not slam him here . But I will say this - a year ago my husband was a boy at heart who loved playing guitar , loud music , and fast cars . Today he barely picks up his guitar , is afraid of the slightest noise and is unable to drive . Anxiety Disorder my ass . I want my husband back . Dr . W assured me we would get there . He suggested hospitalization but because Jay had just returned from a long absence he said that maybe jumping into the hospital wouldn 't be best after all . He decided to put Jay on a 3 month profile which in a nutshell meant that he would keep working but in a very limited capacity . Jay is a medic but cannot think clearly , hold anything steady or handle blood right now . So the next 3 months would likely be a wait and see period . Either he gets much better and life continues on or he starts the process of getting discharged . I am beyond happy that Jay has a doctor who is looking out for HIM and not the Army . He said he would call Jay every night this week . Thank you , God , for Dr . W . Between picking up prescriptions ( of which there are now six ) and our appointments today we were on Posted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . The New CarThe week before Jay came home he told me about a car he had found online . An ' 87 Mustang GT in beautiful condition . He mentioned that it was in the next state over . Fortunately all of our family is there so I immediately thought that I could get this car for him . I didn 't realize that the car was actually on the other end of the state . It 's my own fault for not knowing my home state geography . Luckily , Jay 's aunt stepped up and we drove to pick up the car . Driving back I was so nervous . I 've driven long distances before but this car was not designed for a 110 lb girl with weak arms and high heel sandals . Shifting gears took everything I had . The next day I could hardly move . But I had managed to get it parked safely in Jay 's aunts parking lot . Because she lives nearly two hours from us , I figured that Jay and I would drive up together to visit family and he could drive his new car home . He had wanted to go pick up the car the day he got home . But it was raining very hard and he was nervous about driving the Mustang back . Of course I drove us up and he had a horrible panic attack on the way . I can 't say I remember exactly when I first saw the facial tic . But it presented itself on the first day along with a periodically gaspy breath that seems like a spasm . And he has incredibly shaky legs at times that remind me of a marionette . As it turned out , we did leave the car that first day . So on Sunday we woke up and he decided to try again . I felt like he was stalling . It took us several hours to get out of the house . His legs were really shaky and I was very scared for him to drive . We picked up the car and I followed him on the long way home . He drove WAY under the speed limit and I consider it a gift straight from God that we didn 't cause an accident . But we did make it home safely . It was that trip that cemented in my brain that our liEmme I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . He 's Home ! Our second deployment is over . Finally over . The reunion ceremony had been pushed back several days because of the volcano in Iceland . Never in my 34 years could I have imagined that volcanic ash floating across the Atlantic would impact / disrupt my life . But , ash or no ash , my soldier had eventually been released back to me . We practically ran to the car as we were both more than ready to start our lives together - again . This time around things would be very different though . A couple months before coming home Jay had told me that he felt like he was breaking down . His dreams were beginning to get out of hand and his shaky hands were making it hard to do his job . I knew that his previous deployment had been very challenging and had taken a toll on him mentally . So I wasn 't completely surprised that those old demons were out hunting him again . When he returned from Iraq two years ago there were significant changes that I couldn 't ignore . Most noticeable being that he would no longer sleep in our bedroom . We got rid of our bed and have been sleeping on a makeshift bed on the living room floor . Every night I bring it out and every morning I roll it up and put it away . Being in the center of the house , with access to all the doors , is the only way Jay can sleep . There were other things like intense bad dreams that would leave him unable to move and gasping for air . Then the alcohol . He drank a lot and it was really tearing us apart . Thankfully , thru pure miracle , he stopped drinking on his own without intervention . It has not crept back into our lives but I am keeping a sharp eye out for that wicked little whore . Of course there were little things too . He was jumpy and startled easily . He didn 't like to be in the dark . He stopped driving except to go to work . He would become very uncomfortable when his brother , an EMT , would talk about things Posted by |
During my husband 's second deployment his mind began to turn against him . Follow as I document his progress while he works thru this dark period in his life . I can 't offer you first - hand perspective . I can only show you the intense love and admiration of a devoted wife . I am Emme . Jay and I have been together for seven years . He is battling PTSD . I am writing this blog as a way to journal our experience and to provide a record of my endless love for him and my devotion to our marriage . Hopefully , this will be a short term experience and life will go on as normal . But , if it lingers I will be here writing about it . I would like to thank Erin from Luck and Bliss for mentioning me on her blog . I am touched that she felt like sharing our story with her readers . When I saw her post about us yesterday I was motivated to do a really positive update . I had just dropped Jay off at the hospital for his second day in outpatient care . I had straightened up my house and felt pretty on top of things . Jay had seemed so good . He had presented one of his breathing tics the night before but other than that it seemed like we were at the beginning of recovery . So I began my post by blathering on about the night before . I was going to talk about how he had wanted to go to a public place again , to walk around and get himself back into circulation . Then how we had gone to a small flea market and he had appeared nervous at every turn . I was going to say how he had wanted to pump gas but had forgotten how to use the debit machine at the pump . Then I thought I 'd throw in how when we had gotten home he had taken his shoes off and sat them on the dining room table . I was also going to bring up that he was bathing a ridiculous amount . He had been taking three to five baths a day since he came home from deployment . But then I was going to wrap it up that these were just little quirks that we could move past . After all lots of people get skittish in public places . And he could forget how to do simple every day things , he hadn 't pumped gas in a very long time . Shoes on the table ? A silly little mistake . Five baths a day just means he likes to be clean . But before I could finish my post it was time to go pick Jay back up from the hospital . I would have to come back to the computer later . Later would prove to be pretty awful and that positive update I wanted to share will have to wait . Because those quirks from the night before weren 't quirks at all but warning signals that I refused to see . I had wanted him to be well so badly that I was going to ignore every oddity . It was just a replay of what had happened when he first came home from Afghanistan . ThingsPosted by Yesterday Jay finally got to walk out of the hospital . It was a really sunny day and his face was just glowing . I could see that he was scared to death though . One of the things that terrifies him is being on the interstate . It used to never phase him but now it paralyzes him . Naturally , there was absolutely no way to get home ( within a decent amount of time ) without getting on two different freeways . Lucky for us since it was just after 9am the traffic was pretty light . He did really well on the way home and I was so proud of him . We had some therapy related errands to run and I could tell that he was anxious to get everything in line . He started outpatient today and he needed to clear with his command whether or not he could even go and whether or not he would have to go to formation every morning before being at the hospital at 7 : 15am to catch the van that takes him to outpatient in the city . It 's hard to believe that someone who is NOT a doctor - - not a medically trained individual in any capacity , can decide whether or not a REAL doctor 's orders should stick . Luckily , Jay was free to go . However , he still has to show up at formation every morning at 6am . Which means that Rush and I get to sit in the parking lot every morning for formation since Jay is still not ready to drive . Then we 'll make a mad dash to get Jay changed out of his uniform ( street clothes are encouraged at the hospital ) and over to catch his ride . His unit is going on block leave for several weeks starting this weekend . We are still unsure whether or not Jay will be using his leave or not . He will be going to outpatient every day regardless . Since he won 't get back until after 1pm every day from the hospital it is unclear right now how the rest of his day will go . And that means I don 't know how the rest of my own day will go . This could end up being the ' Summer of Waiting in Parking Lots ' . Which sucks because it 's also the ' Summer The Air Conditioning Went Out in the Car ' . Friday - - - The FuryToday was supposed to be the day that Jay could come home . I kept it in the back of my head that they might keep him into the middle of next week . But after a meeting with his team ( doc , therapist , etc ) it was decided that if all went well I could pick him up Friday . Friday - today . Today as in yesterday - it - was - clear - that - the - next - day - would - be - FRIDAY ! ! ! The key I guess is that little phrase , " if all went well . " All did not go well but not because of any fault of my husband . Things could not get processed in time for him to be released before everyone left for the weekend . Apparently , Jay has to make a stop in at the behavioral health center on post after he is released from the hospital . At noon today I got a call from my very depressed husband . He said that there is a 2pm deadline to process everything . So , from yesterday afternoon til 2pm today NOTHING was done in time to get Jay home . Now , he has to sit in the hospital all weekend even though he is technically cleared for release ! ! ! I had to listen to the disappointment in his voice as he explained to me that he couldn 't come home because someone didn 't start the process to release him early enough to meet the 2pm deadline . All of the office people who made this decision got to go home at 5pm . My husband gets to stare at the hospital walls for another three nights for no medical reason . Tell me how someone could know on Thursday that Jay was to be released but could wait until it was too late to file paperwork . Or tell me how it is that someone in behavioral health could deny the process knowing that it would mean that someone would have to stay in the hospital another weekend . I knew at 12pm that this was happening . In my eyes that 's two whole hours that SOMETHING could have been done . I realize that in the grand scheme of things , this is really not that horrible . It just frustrates me because he just came home from a deployment . Then almost immediately he was hospitalized . He misses his family . This mishandling is just frustrating . I could be seePosted by Monday again . Yesterday was visitation and it went really well . Two of Jay 's friends from work surprised him . It was nice to see that people care about him enough to make the trek up to the hospital on a weekend . Jay seemed a lot like his old self . I could tell though , that the hospital is getting to him . He is ready to come home . He 's scared to death of the real world but I know he is tired of being away from me and the kids . Today I had a meeting with Jay and the therapist . What a really nice guy . He asked a lot of questions that really got Jay to open up about things that I was completely unaware of . For instance he feels useless right now . I had no idea . I am heartbroken that he feels that way . I wanted to tell him that being useful was never why I loved him in the first place . I wanted to say that if being useful meant doing things around the house , he was never exactly " useful " to begin with : ) I wanted to say that he doesn 't have to BE anything or DO anything to be loved in our family . It 's a free ride . Just a perk for being one of us . I wanted to say that if there was any ' reason ' why I loved him , it had nothing to do with usefulness . I love him and want to be with him for purely selfish reasons . I want to be near him because he makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world . He makes me laugh like no one else can . And he makes me feel safe . Not financially safe . Not physically safe . He makes me feel safe in a way that means that what we have is real and it 's not going anywhere . Money : come or go . Mental health : come or go . WE are forever . Those are the things I wish I had said . In reality all I said was , " I wish you didn 't feel that way . " V - e - r - y helpful . sigh . These weekends without Jay are really bumming me out . I mean , we made it thru another deployment yet here we are apart some more . Enough whining . I did get to talk to him a bit this afternoon over the phone and he seemed in good spirits . His smoke breaks are timed so he told me he 'd call me again tonight . I 'm counting on it . Yesterday I had to tell him that I couldn 't get his new ( ' 87 ) Mustang started . He told me when he went into the hospital to keep going to the garage and starting it every few days . I totally forgot . How ? I have no idea . But when I went out there to finally start it up , the battery had died . I 'm not sure why . The day Jay went to the hospital he wanted to sit in his car for a bit before we left . Maybe something was left on and drained the battery . I hope that 's all it is . I don 't know anything about cars but when it makes no sound at all when you turn the key , I suppose a dead battery is a safe bet . Also , I had to tell him that the Army is screwing with his paycheck AGAIN . He is owed some back pay that he never received while deployed . He tried to get it fixed while he was in Afghanistan but it never was . He went in to have it fixed when he got home and I was hoping that they had finally decided to give him his correct pay . No luck this payday . Maybe in another two weeks . I want interest . He 's also owed another chunk of money for being deployed that he had to turn in some paperwork for . Unfortunately , all the other guys did this when he was going into the hospital . So we have to wait for Jay to get released before we can even turn ours in . I suppose I could just turn in the paperwork to one of his superiors and just hope for the best . I think , given the track record of complete FAILURES I 've witnessed within our time here , I will just wait til Jay can take care of it personally . On a positive note , it IS the weekend so that means my daughter , P , is here . We are having our last Ghost Whisperer marathon later today . Three discs from Netflix completes Season 4 and brings us up to date . I am a little Posted by Because Jay 's Wednesday 's visitation is at 6 I have to cross the city during rush hour . This terrifies me . I don 't mind stop / start stoplight traffic . But this particular traffic requires alot of merging as I dart across freeways . I hate it . So much in fact that I left my house early enough to completely avoid it . Which put me in the hospital 's neighborhood around 4pm . Early , early . There is a giant mall a couple stop lights down from Jay 's hospital so Rush and I just hung out there for a bit . I was hoping that there would be a play area like there is in our hometown mall , but no such luck . Next week we will look for an outdoor park close by . If it 's raining I know we can still hang out near the fountains in the mall . I 'll just bring Rush 's nintendo DS and I 'll grab a magazine . Maybe we 'll have a snack or something . Anything to avoid killing someone on the freeway . Sunday was Mother 's Day and I wrote that I was livid that Jay 's parents didn 't come to visitation . Jay was disappointed but not surprised . I felt that it was totally unacceptable seeing how the hospital is less than an hour away from their house . I called them on Monday not sure if I was going to be able to maintain any grace and poise . I didn 't have to worry about it . Jay 's dad immediately went into apologetic mode and said he 'd be there on Wednesday . I politely told him that I was very protective of Jay 's feelings and I wouldn 't stand for him to get hurt therefore I wouldn 't be telling him that they were coming . If they showed up , then it would be a nice surprise . But it wouldn 't be a letdown if they flaked . . . errr . . . . if something came up . They DID show up . And they stayed the whole time . They even got there an hour early because they worried about the traffic too . I was so impressed . I know it seems obvious that parents should want to visit their son in the hospital . But this family is DIFFERENT to say the least . They are moving up my ladder of respect just for coming . My other - mother did make the comment to Jay , " Sooo , what are we doing for Mother 's DPosted by Sunday was visitation day and I spent the whole morning begging for the afternoon to hurry up and arrive . I can only visit Jay from 2 : 30 - 4pm . Not nearly enough time . It was Mother 's Day and my mother - in - law ( the other - mother ) was supposed to show up with Jay 's dad and niece . I was kinda jealous because I only have three hours a week to spend with him and I don 't want to share . BUT he does need to see other people so I will graciously step aside if others want to visit . I don 't know why I even thought that they 'd really show up . As I was sitting in the parking lot , getting ready to go in , I got a call from the - other - mother . " Emme , " in a sad , little voice , " We aren 't going to be able to make it . " WHY ? " Jay 's dad didn 't get up in time and hasn 't had a shower . " Ummm , really ? This is your excuse ? I said , " Don 't worry . I 'll let him know you tried . " Later I learned that Jay 's dad told his grandmother that they hadn 't come because the niece was sick . Which is it ? Whatever . Here is what you missed ! Jay walked into the cafeteria holding two little flowers . He had them sticking out of eye - drop bottles . One for me and one marked ' mom ' . AND YOU WEREN ' T THERE ! ! ! Yours just wilted in my car along with any raveling of respect I ever could have mustered for you . SHAME . ON . YOU . I have become incredibly protective of Jay 's feelings . I will destroy the person who makes him sad . Luckily , I suppose , he 's been dealing with this family his whole life and expects this type of behavior . He wasn 't the least bit surprised . Disappointed for sure , but not surprised . I do not accept this . I have been nice for years because Jay is determined to build a relationship with his parents . He keeps trying and keeps trying . And over and over again they just keep letting him down . It 's hard to watch . He wants for us to be the bigger people and let things go . I keep holding my tongue because he wants me to . I don 't know how much longer I can keep my mouth shut . On a positive note , Jay looked amazing ! He was cheerful and very happy that a friend from work Posted by Today was Jay 's appointment with the social worker , Jan . Since Jay is unavailable at the moment , Dr . W suggested I keep it . I was a little nervous going in . I wasn 't sure what to expect . I knew that Dr . W wanted me to speak with Jan because he knows that what Jay is going thru is affecting the entire family . But I didn 't know if I would be expected to talk about my feelings or if we 'd work together to make a plan of action to keep my family together thru Jay 's battle . I sat in the waiting room filling out the health questionnaire . A thousand questions but so easy . I have wonderful parents , I had a beautiful childhood , I don 't drink , don 't smoke , don 't do drugs , I don 't have anger issues , and there are no dark family histories lurking in my family tree . I am the most boring client / patient EVER . Since I 'm very uncomfortable with the idea of whining about my feelings on our situation I decided I would go in there and just focus on what Jay needs from us . I 'm not saying that a wife shouldn 't go in there and whine if she is feeling overwhelmed or sad or angry . She most certainly should get those feelings out to someone who has the power to help her . It 's just that I am not at that point . Rush came with me so all worries about what Jan and I would talk about were for nothing . He dominates the room . Especially since he 's currently obsessed with tornadoes . He talks about them non - stop , he watches videos on the computer , he " tracks " the weather on the radar , and he draws them incessantly . He doesn 't seem afraid of them . At least not in the usual sense . As he says , " They are just in my head and I can 't get them out . " Naturally , Jan was all over this . She made the connection that anyone might about how Rush 's life might feel like a whirlwind and out of control right now . I thought to myself that this was straight off a TV movie . Is it ever really so cut and dry ? Jan told me of an art therapy for children that 's going on thru July . I definitely think I need to get him into that . He carries a pen and paper everywhere and he dPosted by Today is my first day with no physical contact with Jay since he got home from Afghanistan . He was admitted on Tuesday and visitation was yesterday . Today I am on my own . We 've been apart so much that being without him is quite normal . But being away from him when he is sick is breaking my heart . I know that this is a journey he needs to take on his own but I can 't help but want to at least hold his hand while he goes thru it . I waited all day to see if he would call . I finally called him around 9pm . I figured he was waiting til just before bedtime to call me like he did when he was deployed ( which he was ) but I just couldn 't wait . I needed to hear his voice . I needed to hear that he was upbeat and positive . I needed him . We only spoke for a few minutes before he was called away by something . But those few minutes put me at ease . One of the things I was looking forward to at the end of deployment was finally being able to walk from room to room without worrying where my cellphone was . I guess I am still chained to this thing for a little while longer . I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Visitation DayEven though I had just dropped Jay off at the hospital yesterday I am ecstatic that today is visitation day . It 's from 6 - 7 : 30pm which puts me on the edge of downtown right at rush hour . I spent the night with Grannie which is north of the hospital . I had to battle the bumper to bumper snake - line around the city . Thankfully , it was an easy trip with little exiting and merging and everyone around me seemed calm and patient . My nerves were shot by the time I got there . I had stopped earlier to get him a calling card , a magazine and a few other things . I got WAY down the interstate when I realized I hadn 't ever bought the calling cards which were the most important thing . I stopped at one gas station but they didn 't have any . I didn 't want to fool around guessing if another gas station might have some so I back - tracked to where I knew there was a Walmart . With my mistake , the traffic and me getting slightly lost once I got in the area , I ended up being about 20 minutes late . He didn 't care . I had been led to the cafeteria where we are allowed to visit . I waited for him to come down and when he popped around the corner he was the sweetest thing I 'd ever seen . He actually smiled . I hadn 't seen that in several days and it was so wonderful . We sat at the table and tried to talk while Rush kept himself busy with a salt shaker . There are no toys in the area and I don 't believe I am allowed to take any items into the cafeteria . It appears that visitation is going to be a little frustrating . It 's hard for a five year old to sit still for an hour and a half . We sat there holding hands and occasionally just laying our heads down on the table . We are emotionally exhausted and it was nice to just sit together , touching , but with no pressure to speak . I wonder how long he will be there . Dr . W told me to expect 6 weeks but to not be surprised by 2 1Posted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . AdmittedI woke up when the alarm went off at 4 : 45am to find Jay sitting at the table tying his shoes . At least that was the last thing he was doing . He had fallen asleep mid lace . What a sight to see him fully asleep with his butt in the chair and his face nearly in his boot . Poor guy . I was so angry that even though he was being admitted to a psychiatric hospital today he was not excused from formation . Good God , heaven forbid he not show up to stand in the wet grass for ten minutes . We made our way to the hospital in the city . Jay was so nervous and kept stalling . I practically had to drag him in there . It was absolutely the saddest day I can remember , short of a death in the family of course . I had packed his bag with three complete changes of clothes , tons of cigarettes , and his toiletries . He was allowed little else . No cellphone , no ipod , nothing . I helped get him admitted and hugged him as tightly as I could . I told him how I was so very proud of him and how I would come to visit him as soon as they let me . And then a very nice lady walked him thru the door and left me in the lobby . I made my way back to the car and sobbed til I could barely breathe . I drove up to get Rush from Aunt B 's . The sun was shining and the wind was blowing . I had the window down and as I crossed the big bridge that leaves the city from one state into another , a peacefulness washed over me and I knew that Jay was going to be ok . We have spent tons of time apart . Years in fact if you were to add it all up . But this was different . This time , he wasn 't leaving to do something he had chosen to do . This time I felt like he was a victim and left to struggle thru treatment . A victim of the Taliban , a victim of our government , a victim of a navy doctor who did little when my husband was begging for help . But , I know that he is not truly a victim . Thanks to thousands of VetPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Trying DayJay rarely became aware at all today . He was stubbornly awake but never fully lucid . He had the day off and I really wanted him to just relax all day . The next day he was to begin the outpatient treatment and I knew he was nervous . But life had another direction . We went out for him to smoke but I immediately had to shuffle Jay and our boy back inside as I was witnessing a break - in at our neighbors house . Jay didn 't catch on right away to what was happening . I would have loved to just pretend I didn 't see anything so I could let Jay skip the drama that would follow . But , of course , I called the police and waited for the mess to unfold . I didn 't know the address of the house that was being broken into as it was behind us . It was irrelevant anyway because the man had darted out of the house when we had gone outside . So , the cop came to my house . I met him before he could come in and tried to quickly explain to not startle my husband . He understood and was very polite . He went about his policeman business at the house behind us but left his car in front of my house blocking our car . Another police car was now parked behind his . Wonderful . Not only does the whole neighborhood know that I have called the cops , they are all out wondering what 's going on . Thru it all , there is poor Jay , looped out of his mind from his medication , teetering on the edge of sanity from this stupid disorder , and all our neighbors are gathered around to find out what 's going on . This is to be expected and was actually kind of helpful as there has been a string of break - ins to peoples ' vehicles lately . The truck across the street from my house was broken into not long before Jay came home . A couple months before that , a guy had come to my door late at night . I didn 't answer the door but spoke to him thru the window . He was trying to sell me a GPS he had pulled fromPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . The Calf We woke up at Mom 's and it was a lazy , rainy day on the farm . Mid - morning we were outside with Mom on the porch chit - chatting as she was preparing the grill . Jay was very talkative and it was so nice to be out there with two of my favorite people away from all the noise of town . Nothing in sight but cows and trees . So peaceful . Until we heard gunshots in the distance . Immediately Jay jerked around to see where the shots came from . Mom quickly explained that it was just hunters far off in the woods . But , Jay was shaken up so we went back into the house . He took a Clonipin which immediately sends him into a zombie - trance . I sat on the floor and he clung to my lap til he fell asleep . A few days before , a calf had been born to a momma whose milk never came in . My parents had been feeding him from a giant bottle . My husband , the great animal lover , jumped at the chance to feed the baby cow . Everyone trekked out to the barn in the rainy , nasty muck to see the calf . We all stood in the barn laughing while Jay made jokes with the calf . He was so at home out there with that animal . Then the rain just poured down . The noise on the tin roof stopped Jay mid - sentence . He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into my shoulder and stood their shaking til it passed . No one said a word but I looked at my mom and her eyes were watering up . I couldn 't look at my dad because I knew that I would start crying and I really needed to hold myself together so Jay wouldn 't be embarrassed . Finally , he let go and went back to finish his sentence . Jay , being a medic , gave dad tips to help build up the calf 's energy . I don 't know if my dad needed the advice or not but he appeared that he appreciated it . Jay knew that the calf needed a sugar boost and advised dad on what product to buy from the farm supply store . Dad needed to give the calf a shot of antibiotiPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Busy DayJay has been home for a week . He woke up groggy but ready to get going . He hadn 't slept well as he kept getting up to check the locks on the doors . A few days before he had installed little alarms on them . They don 't connect to anything but just let out a shrill beep whenever the door is open . Normally , people would have these set just at night time . But Jay insists they stay on all day so he knows when the door is open . There is also a setting on the alarm so that instead of a shrill beeping there is a small ding - dong sound . That is our compromise during the day . So now if you come into my home it sounds as if you are walking into the corner market . Welcome ! How can I help you today ? Jay and P ( our daughter ) spent the afternoon removing speakers from the truck to put into my car when Jay gets to feeling better . While they were outside our neighbor struck up a conversation with him . I glanced outside and saw them standing together and smoking . Jay has been very out of it since beginning his medication and I could only imagine what the neighbor must have been thinking since I wasn 't there explaining Jay 's behavior . Jay appears high or drunk . Very much NOT what is actually happening to him . It turns out that the neighbor is a Vietnam vet who was badly injured in the war and I would later learn as I spoke to him a few days after , his life was saved by a medic . He felt a connection with my medic - husband , maybe even a protectiveness . Jay decided he wanted to go visit my parents and my brother . My brother lives next door to my parents as does my grandma ( Mamaw as we say where I 'm from . ) I had told my mother to tell everyone what was happening to Jay so that they would be prepared . I explained that it was hard to watch but to act as if everything was ok . They didn 't have to ignore that things had changed , but Jay didn 't want them to be alarmed . Posted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Finally The WeekendI got Jay off to work today and then picked him up again at 11am . Everyone had been let go but had to be back later that afternoon . We decided to run to the BMV to transfer the title and register the Mustang . It was very crowded and instead of taking a number and taking a seat like we normally see , the line snaked around like at a bank . It was alot for Jay to take so he slipped out and waited for me to get closer to the front of the line . It was finally our turn and all was going well . We signed what we needed to sign , their guy had gone to inspect our vehicle ( since it was an out of state title ) , and just as we were getting ready to pay , the system in the ENTIRE state failed . We were so close . She had our license plate sitting on our paperwork . My debit card was out and almost in her hands . And then , bam . Nothing . We waited it out for about twenty minutes but gave up . She stapled our paperwork together and told me I could come back later . Argh . The place was quite packed by then and as we were walking out a little old man in a little old truck pulled up to the door to check things out . I politely told him that he might want to come back another time since the computers were down . Jay recognized the emblem on the old man 's hat . I didn 't but I recognized the sticker on his truck window . He had the same Airborne symbol as the patch on my husband 's uniform . Completely out of character , my husband reached out his hand and struck up a conversation with the man . They talked for a bit and discovered they were both from the 2 - 504 . Don 't ask me what all that entails because I don 't know . But it was a sweet coincidence to run into this old man who had been one of those " Devils in Baggy Pants " back when the Devils actually jumped into combat . Jay isn 't with the 82nd anymore but he went to Iraq with them . It was heart warming to see my huPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . The Trip , The Cell Phone , and TMISince Jay had slept for 14 hours I was hopeful that today would be a good day . I got him to work and luckily everyone was released at 9am . I had been waiting in the car for three hours . Since it was so early in the morning it wasn 't hot yet , but our son was awake this time . It is very difficult to keep a five year old busy in a car for three hours . But , Jay had asked me to wait , so wait I did . On the way home I asked him how he felt since he seemed less zombie - like . He told me he felt numb . It hurts when the man you love is so sad from the inside out . We had an errand to run in the city . A trip to the city requires about 25 minutes on the interstate . Right now the interstate is not Jay 's friend . Semis zipping by at 70 mph send Jay up against the car door grasping the handles . Our errand took us downtown where I do not like to drive . This time of year is BIG for this little city and the traffic was not pretty . I do not enjoy driving and I HATE driving in the city . Period . We got a little turned around and I was getting very nervous . I 'm always afraid that I am going to make a stupid mistake and cause an accident . This anxiety is very real and has paralyzed me since I was 16 . But , only one person at a time can have anxiety issues so I really need to learn to keep mine in check . The beautiful thing was Jay took my hand and calmed ME down . He helped me figure out where I needed to be and helped me see that my fears were unwarranted . We got lost on our way out but I didn 't care because I knew that he was with me . And thankfully , he was lucid enough to help me . I 'm happy I had the little attack . It provided me a window into what my husband must be feeling . In my case , I knew why I was feeling the way I was and I knew that it would stop as soon as I was out of the situation . Jay feels that panicked feeling thru out the Posted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Sleepy TimeI had a very hard time getting Jay to work today . He was so out of it . I dressed him and got him to the car . I had begged him to let me call someone so he didn 't have to go in to work but he refused . I reluctantly dropped him off at formation but I waited in the parking lot for 3 1 / 2 hours just in case he needed me to take him home . I was half afraid that his superiors would call the ambulance to have him admitted . I knew that between his exhaustion and the medication he just needed rest . Thankfully , our son just slept in the backseat while I waited . I drifted off myself and had I been able to stay awake , I would have noticed that all of the guys had been bussed to a different location . I was sitting in the parking lot waiting on NOBODY . When I finally got the courage to leave and go home I was a nervous wreck until I got the call I was expecting . " Come get your husband . He can 't stay awake . " Well , duh . He fell asleep immediately in the car . Somehow I got him into the house . I managed to get him down to his underwear and onto the couch . He slept there until I had to wake him for work the next morning . Not a peep for fourteen hours . He had been so afraid to sleep since he came home and he was in so much turmoil . The sound of him snoring was the most beautiful sound in the whole world . ( It would be the last serious block of sleep that he would get before he was admitted ) I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . First Day Back to WorkToday Jay had to go back to work . The doctor wanted him to have a little time off but because the guys had just returned from a deployment he was required to complete Reverse SRP ( soldier readiness processing ) . I consider that BS ( no explanation needed ) . I drove him to work as he was not able to drive himself . The medication that Dr . W had prescribed had yet to really kick in but it was clear by that point that he didn 't belong behind the wheel . I was afraid to leave him so I drove to the Walmart just off post and walked around for an hour . According to his profile he was allowed to call me to get him if he needed me . I drove home not sure if he was going to make it thru the morning . I knew they only had a half day or so , so the odds were good that he 'd make it . His friend drove him home and although he still had the breathing tic when he came in the house , he appeared well . Around 1pm he became very sleepy but refused to lie down . ( This would be what I would battle for the next week . ) He would be exhausted to the point of sleeping while standing , but would absolutely refuse to sleep . So , I would follow him around the house to make sure he didn 't hurt himself . My mother had called me in the afternoon and since I needed to charge my phone in my car I asked Jay if he wanted to smoke in the car while I talked to her . While we were out there he asked me to look for something in the house . I ran in the house to get it and when I came back outside he was asleep and burning a hole in his pants with his cigarette . Although he was beyond tired he demanded that we go to the pet store . He had his heart set on getting two baby rats . I wanted him to stay home where it was safe but he insisted . So off we went to find his babies . He presented several tics at the pet store and appeared very withdrawn but the employee that helped us was soPosted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . Diagnosis DayToday we went to the psychiatrist . Jay was so nervous but I was relieved . He was finally getting help . Help from a real doctor , in a real office , close to a real hospital . I sat with Jay in the waiting room . The doctor came to personally escort Jay to his office . I was ecstatic that he suggested that I come along too . I had no intention of speaking but I wanted to be there to hold Jay 's hand . I am so glad I got to meet Dr . W . A civilian ! ! A man with his own mind and not chained to protocol and agenda . A man who was not hesitant to diagnose Jay with PTSD . Unlike the doctor before him , a navy doc on the FOB ( forward operating base ) , who could only hand Jay a diagnosis of " anxiety disorder " . I don 't know why that doctor made the choices he did so I will not slam him here . But I will say this - a year ago my husband was a boy at heart who loved playing guitar , loud music , and fast cars . Today he barely picks up his guitar , is afraid of the slightest noise and is unable to drive . Anxiety Disorder my ass . I want my husband back . Dr . W assured me we would get there . He suggested hospitalization but because Jay had just returned from a long absence he said that maybe jumping into the hospital wouldn 't be best after all . He decided to put Jay on a 3 month profile which in a nutshell meant that he would keep working but in a very limited capacity . Jay is a medic but cannot think clearly , hold anything steady or handle blood right now . So the next 3 months would likely be a wait and see period . Either he gets much better and life continues on or he starts the process of getting discharged . I am beyond happy that Jay has a doctor who is looking out for HIM and not the Army . He said he would call Jay every night this week . Thank you , God , for Dr . W . Between picking up prescriptions ( of which there are now six ) and our appointments today we were on Posted by I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . The New CarThe week before Jay came home he told me about a car he had found online . An ' 87 Mustang GT in beautiful condition . He mentioned that it was in the next state over . Fortunately all of our family is there so I immediately thought that I could get this car for him . I didn 't realize that the car was actually on the other end of the state . It 's my own fault for not knowing my home state geography . Luckily , Jay 's aunt stepped up and we drove to pick up the car . Driving back I was so nervous . I 've driven long distances before but this car was not designed for a 110 lb girl with weak arms and high heel sandals . Shifting gears took everything I had . The next day I could hardly move . But I had managed to get it parked safely in Jay 's aunts parking lot . Because she lives nearly two hours from us , I figured that Jay and I would drive up together to visit family and he could drive his new car home . He had wanted to go pick up the car the day he got home . But it was raining very hard and he was nervous about driving the Mustang back . Of course I drove us up and he had a horrible panic attack on the way . I can 't say I remember exactly when I first saw the facial tic . But it presented itself on the first day along with a periodically gaspy breath that seems like a spasm . And he has incredibly shaky legs at times that remind me of a marionette . As it turned out , we did leave the car that first day . So on Sunday we woke up and he decided to try again . I felt like he was stalling . It took us several hours to get out of the house . His legs were really shaky and I was very scared for him to drive . We picked up the car and I followed him on the long way home . He drove WAY under the speed limit and I consider it a gift straight from God that we didn 't cause an accident . But we did make it home safely . It was that trip that cemented in my brain that our liEmme I 'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended . These entries are composed from memory , my journal entries , and the notebook I used to log Jay 's unusual behavior . He 's Home ! Our second deployment is over . Finally over . The reunion ceremony had been pushed back several days because of the volcano in Iceland . Never in my 34 years could I have imagined that volcanic ash floating across the Atlantic would impact / disrupt my life . But , ash or no ash , my soldier had eventually been released back to me . We practically ran to the car as we were both more than ready to start our lives together - again . This time around things would be very different though . A couple months before coming home Jay had told me that he felt like he was breaking down . His dreams were beginning to get out of hand and his shaky hands were making it hard to do his job . I knew that his previous deployment had been very challenging and had taken a toll on him mentally . So I wasn 't completely surprised that those old demons were out hunting him again . When he returned from Iraq two years ago there were significant changes that I couldn 't ignore . Most noticeable being that he would no longer sleep in our bedroom . We got rid of our bed and have been sleeping on a makeshift bed on the living room floor . Every night I bring it out and every morning I roll it up and put it away . Being in the center of the house , with access to all the doors , is the only way Jay can sleep . There were other things like intense bad dreams that would leave him unable to move and gasping for air . Then the alcohol . He drank a lot and it was really tearing us apart . Thankfully , thru pure miracle , he stopped drinking on his own without intervention . It has not crept back into our lives but I am keeping a sharp eye out for that wicked little whore . Of course there were little things too . He was jumpy and startled easily . He didn 't like to be in the dark . He stopped driving except to go to work . He would become very uncomfortable when his brother , an EMT , would talk about things Posted by |
This is Carrie , on various topics . Sometimes it 's about carrying on through life . Sometimes it 's about carrying on in a ranting loon sort of way . Sometimes it 's about dead things . John * has worked in the same store in town for as long as I can remember . His father George owned and ran the store , and took John on as his partner before I was born . He 's been a fixture in town and in my life for so long , that John told me he actually remembers seeing my Dad change my diaper on top of his car one day , in typical fly - by - the - seat - of - your - pants and get it done Dad fashion . Since I 've known him forever , and especially since our Dads knew each other and were all pretty friendly , he 's got a special place in my heart . Having said that , I know that he 's got a special place in the heart of the people in town , too , because they all love to make fun of him behind his back . John 's a little bit quirky , specifically in the area of vocal tics and personal hygiene . Okay , I 'm being kind here . He 's got a couple of phrases that he uses over and over , sort of like , " That 's the ticket ! " , which you can insert into any conversation a number of times , and which he does , to the point of absurdity . Everyone has apparently picked up on this , and on an average week , you will hear at least one person use on of his pat phrases , and it 's obvious that it 's an attempt to poke fun at John . I have to add here that not all of this is done cruelly - some people seem to think that it 's just a funny little quirk , and the mocking is done almost affectionately , but others are definitely very cruel about it , especially when they delve into the area of his less - than - ideal personal grooming habits . I am ashamed to admit that with certain friends and co - workers , I have joined in laughing about some comments about John , particularly when the subject was the phrases he uses over and over , but sometimes also when the comments were not very nice , but concerned things that just seem particularly absurd . For example , the question of why he will not go to a dentist , despite the really VERY obvious need , and the clear lack of financial woes keeping him from visiting the dentist chair , has come up frequently among people I know . It 's gotten to the point where it 's the first thing you notice about him , and even a casual observer would say , " Damn , boy , go to a dentist already ! " , especially since he works in a store and has constant contact with the public . I 've sometimes chided myself after having one of these gossipy moments , thinking , " John is one of your oldest acquaintances , and how would he feel if he heard you saying that ? " I immediately vow not to join into such conversations again , but always seem to revert back to smiling or laughing along . Oh , what 's a harmless little joking around ? This morning , two of my co - workers were ripping people up and down in my presence , one co - worker with whom I have a pretty cordial relationship , Friendly Clueless Guy , and another , the Cruel One , with whom things have always been rocky , because he 's got a cruel sense of humor . Alongside the Cruel One sat his friend , Snide , who used to work with us , and who had stopped by to visit . I was disappointed by how cruel they were being about the people they were talking about , all of whom were known to me , and in the course of things , they took a turn mocking John 's dental problems . I asked them , in all seriousness , if they thought it had gotten worse , or was it just me ? The cruel one said something typically scathing about John , and I admit that it was humorous in the context , and I laughed . They moved onto other victims , and I had the feeling that the Cruel One was kind of showing off in front of his friend Snide a bit . As they continued , one comment seemed particularly rude , and I kind of groaned , as if to say , " Oh , that was harsh . " At that point , the Cruel One turned to me and said , " Just wait until = you = leave the room , " and my so - called friend Clueless Guy laughed and said , " Yeah - no one is safe . " It hit me like a slap across the face , and I quickly made an excuse to get out of the room before they saw me get upset . How could I be so dumb ? Of COURSE they say cruel things about everyone else , so why should I escape their scathing scrutiny ? And , with the lovely low self - esteem issues raging through my veins , I immediately began imagining the very things that they would be attacking me for the second I was out of ear shot . The blood was pumping in my ears , I was crying so hard , and I was overcome by such a feeling of shame . Shame at the things they were saying , shame that I had trusted the Friendly Clueless Guy with any personal information that he could use against me in these slamming sessions , and mostly ashamed that I had ever participated in such talk about others . And shock , that even though I know the Cruel One is such a neurotic bundle of personal issues and cruelty towards others , he could say such a mean thing TO MY FACE . How many people would say to your face that they were about to rip you up the second you left the room ? And not mean it as a joke ? Intellectually , I know that this is his problem , and Friendly Clueless Guy and Snide are just spineless joiners - in . I shouldn 't worry about what they think of me , since their opinion of people is low overall . Emotionally , I am still recovering from the body blow of meanness , but moreso , from the realization that I have been a spineless joiner - in as well , and that passive acceptance of cruel gossip is just as bad as being the one to start it - because either role is equally painful to the subject of the gossip . And in order to be able to continue to look John in the face , and to be able to respect myself just the teensiest bit more , I have to nip this nasty habit in the bud . J 's mom had to have some really serious surgery this week , and thank God , she 's come through it well . She was supposed to have it done the week before , but then the pre - operative testing showed that the problem was MUCH bigger than first thought , so they got all ready for it one time , and then had to deal with it being postponed for a week . It 's been really hard for J and his brother , as they both live about 4 1 / 2 hours away from their mom , and her hospital is another hour and 1 / 2 away from her house , so the driving back and forth and taking time off from work has been really draining . Not to mention the emotional toll of worrying about whether or not she should have the surgery , and if she would survive the first 24 hours afterwards . J lost his Dad to the same problem his mom has , and both of my parents are gone , so we 're both veterans of the hospital wars . J tends to suffer things alone , and will let you know when he needs help , and appreciates it if someone offers help but accepts his " No , thank you " as his final answer . I asked if he would like me to be there with him , but he said that he would rather do it on his own ( his brother would actually be there too , so he wouldn 't be totally alone ) . I accepted that , and I 've been trying to be helpful and supportive long distance , by doing little chores for him and bringing in the mail and stuff while he 's gone . It 's been hard not going up there to be with him during all this , because when I have a loved one in the hospital , I crave supportive company . When each of my parents died , I really wanted someone , to listen to me talk about how I felt , make sure that I was taking care of myself enough to last through the crisis , and to help me see the big picture when I needed advice . It was even helpful to have someone in the hospital to go get me a cup of coffee or run an errand or make a phone call , when I wanted to stay by my parent 's bedside . The trick to being a good hospital buddy is to pay attention to all the little signals , and know when to talk and when to listen , when to shut up and read and when it 's time to go home and let the patient sleep , etc . etc . I wish J knew that I wouldn 't make a nuisance of myself , and I might even be helpful to have around . But I know this isn 't " about " me , and he needs to do things his way . It 's not about how I want to help him , it 's about how he needs to do it . Still , I 've been going stir crazy worrying long distance and feeling impotent , because I know that I 'm a good hospital buddy . I 've gotten really good at doing the hospital thing , since I 've seen most of my family members in the hospital close to death at some point . I even had a little hospital bag ready during some crises , with the basics you need for sitting around in the ER or hospital room when someone is really ill . Just in case you ever have need of this kit , here are the essentials : Something mindless to read , because you won 't really be able to pay attention to anything deep , but you need to occupy yourself while they bring the patient out for tests , or make their bed , or do something so invasive that you are sent out of the room for privacy . And if your loved on is in any shape to read , bring them something to read to , because you will run out of things to talk about , and they will need to be distracted from staring at the machines and IV stands and all that scary stuff . You should bring a small non - perishable snack , like a protein bar or something , because you will be sitting around at all odd hours waiting for test results and such , and you will feel too guilty to go have a proper meal , even though you are getting testy from hunger . You also need to keep lots of $ 1 bills and change , for parking and vending machines . Whoa unto the person sitting at the parking garage gate without the right change , the parking token , whatever they want from you . The people behind you WILL NOT CARE if your loved one just passed or you are stopping by to see someone who just had a baby , they will go medieval on your ass for making them wait while you fish for coins . Prepare yourself . If you find somewhere to get coffee , get extra napkins and whatever sweetener you use , so you have extras just in case . At some point , you will be tempted to get the vending machine coffee , which brings every one of its victims one day closer to death , but you will do it anyway , since you are tired and bored , and believe me , you will happy you hoarded those extra sugar packets . There we were , sitting around the small formica table in the low income housing section of town , eating store brand crackers , Cheez Whiz , and cake , downing it all with beer , celebrating my uncle 's birthday . My aunt and uncle must 've met our hostess , their friend Ann , while drinking down at the " Amvet 's " , because I couldn 't figure out any other way that their paths would have crossed . She seemed like a nice enough person , a salt - of - the - earth sort of woman , who 'd been kicked around by life for years , but who would give you her very last crackers and Cheez Whiz if you stopped by to talk and laugh with her . Middle aged and older people dressed in flannel and jeans with varying amounts of teeth seemed to mill in and out of the house , all being greeted by the people at the table , so I assumed that this was the normal course of events in that house . A man with the least amount of teeth present , who slightly resembled a much older Dave Mason , kindly showed me where the refrigerator was , so I could store the milk we 'd purchased just before unexpectedly stopping by . The birthday cake , a homemade blueberry concoction , arrived with a woman from across the street . She said that she made the cake especially for my uncle . She had another woman with her , older and rather unkempt , who shyly presented my uncle with a present , a used Bic lighter . I was proud of my uncle for being so very gracious when he accepted it from her , as if it was a precious family heirloom . My uncle had a kind heart , that was for certain . My aunt leaned over and told me in a stage whisper that this woman was " not right in the head " , forgetting for a moment that with my background and life experiences , I should be able to spot any loony from several miles away . She was also incredibly kind and accepting of people , so I figured she was just trying to warn me away from any discomfort , which was considerate . Still , they both had a tendency towards over - explaining the obvious to me , as if since I wasn 't a Maine native , there would be no way for me to understand events without a guide . It was to such an extreme sometimes that If I didn 't know that it was all coming " from a good place " , that they truly meant well , I would have been incredibly insulted by being spoken to as if I were simple . I did my best to nurse my one beer for as long as possible , having accepted it only to be polite . Something about the surroundings made me feel like I should stay on my toes , and the lack of creature comforts made me think that if I had another beer , I was most likely depriving someone else of one , someone who needed it far worse than I did . Although , as time went by , and the conversation continued on and on about the ailments of people I didn 't know , I was tempted to throw caution and consideration to the wind and down as many beers as would take me away from that place . But I stuck with my original plan . The conversation finally made its way around to other things besides ailments , and Ann told me that she had a bag of sweaters up in her room that she was selling , and that I was welcome to go look through them , if I wanted to . She was selling them for $ 1 a piece , and I felt that it would be impolite not to take her up on her offer , not to mention that the woman could probably use a couple of dollars , so I went up to look . I only intended to go up and pretend to look , but I walked into her bedroom to find the Dave Mason guy lying on the bed , watching tv , with his ashtray carefully balanced on his chest . At first , I was very uncomfortable about being alone in the bedroom with him , because it seemed weird to be in a stranger 's bedroom with this old toothless man . But since the door was wide open , and he was friendly enough , I started to figure that he must be fairly harmless . Besides , I reasoned that he and the hostess must have some kind of thing going on , or what the hell was this guy doing hanging around her house ? And surely he wouldn 't do anything untoward with his " old lady " right down the stairs . As I was thinking all this , he cheerfully waved me over to the closet where the sweaters were , and then I felt compelled to actually root around in the bag and make a show of looking over these garish , badly pilled sweaters . He implored me to dump them out onto the bed so I could get a good look , and out came the nightmare clothing , sweatshirts with iron - on pictures of birds , kitties and cutesy nonsense , along with the acrylic cheap sweaters from hell . I picked out the three least offensive sweaters , and brought them downstairs , and everyone seemed very pleased as I handed over $ 3 . Oh , and lucky me , it turned out that another guest , Donna , had a similar pile of sweaters for sale at her trailer , and we would be stopping by there the next day , so I could look through those , too . And while we were going to be there , she would show us her legendary doll collection . Shortly after the sweater adventure , still sitting around with beer and cake , I saw an unusual parade of young people come in the back door and make their way upstairs to visit with the Dave Mason guy . Guys , girls , white and black , about four or five altogether . It struck me as particularly unusual , even given the loose door policy of the house , because none of the people coming in said hello , as all the others had , and no one at the table paid them the slightest bit of attention , either . After about 5 or so minutes , the group of them all trooped down the stairs and out the front door , again without a word of greeting . After hours of visiting , we finally said our goodbyes , and I was able to convince my aunt and uncle to stop at a late night Chinese food take - out place , because I was starving from avoiding eating the few crackers and beers little those poor people had to offer . During the drive towards the life - reviving boneless spare ribs , they explained to me that the Dave Mason guy was living out in a trailer in Ann 's back yard , and that she let him come in and watch tv . Since he looked to be very cozy in her bedroom , I asked if there was more to their relationship than just friends , and they said that she wasn 't telling , and they weren 't asking . I drew my own conclusions . Since I was getting the lowdown on this arrangement anyway , I ventured to ask how Ann felt about this guy dealing drugs out of her house . I have never seen my uncle 's head whip around that fast before or since . What on earth was I talking about ? It became my turn to explain the obvious to them . I relayed the events I 'd observed , particularly the strange parade of kids who came through the house , walking so close to our table as to actually have bumped into someone 's chair in passing , and asked them how they could possibly have not noticed that , nor guessed at what was going on there ? My uncle , the man who went ballistic when he so much as suspected my grown cousin of smoking pot in his house , and who howled about how disrespected he felt for that , had never imagined that he was whiling away the hours in a house where drug deals were rather blatantly conducted . Amazing . Whenever it becomes obvious to someone that I am behaving awkwardly about something most people take for granted , I jokingly explain it away to people by saying that I was raised by wolves . This statement is not fair to my father , who did the best he could with a bad situation , but there was only so much he could do . Even with the best of intentions , a lot of things fell through the cracks . For example , after all these years , simple things like inviting someone over to my home still seem foreign , since we NEVER had company at home growing up . Well , not on purpose . If some hapless person came by the apartment and assumed , as people seem to do , that it would be normal to be invited inside , we would do everything in our power to keep them outside . For one reason , the place was usually a sty , since there were four packrats living in a two bedroom apartment , and cleanliness often fell by the wayside . But the second , and more important reason , was that my mother was in there . Mom was mentally ill , and had been my entire life . I never knew the woman that my grandmother and aunts described , the intelligent , vivacious dancer with a beautiful singing voice . The woman I knew was a paranoid , unkempt , chain - smoking schizophrenic , who alternated between moments of clarity , where she cried because she wasn 't able to mother us the way she wanted to , to moments of complete selfishness and delusion . From catatonia to screaming and slamming pans against the walls , we lived through it all together in that small apartment , and our dark humor was the only thing that got us by . Very few people knew about our secret apartment life , because we were resilient , humorous and friendly in the outside world . My Dad was the cheeriest guy you 'd ever want to meet . Very few people knew about the mad harpy he had to go home to , or all the pressure that his poor sickly heart was under . My brother was a funny fat kid , who escaped the house as often as possible . I was cheery like my Dad , did well in school , and avoided bringing friends home by making few close friends . I didn 't even realize that I never spoke of my mother as a child , until one fellow grammar school student told me that she thought my mother must be dead , since my father was the only one who ever came to school , and I never once mentioned a mother . I was ashamed that we had this crazy person in our home , that we had to protect from the world . It was too difficult to describe to other little kids , especially since I wasn 't completely sure what was going on myself , so I would just work around the issue in every way possible . I didn 't realize what a good actress I was becoming , showing one face to the world , and living a completely different emotional life . I know that there are people with horrible stories of abuse to tell , and I try to keep our family life in perspective . It 's not like we were being burned with cigarettes and molested , I completely understand the difference . We were loved and cared for , and occasionally other dysfunctional family members would try to pitch in and help my Dad out . But the emotional wreckage that was borne over years of living in that complicated situation is still coming up in unexpected ways , informing the ways my brother and I behave at work , in relationships - in ragged self - esteem issues galore . How I wished that Dad was able to be a selfish bastard and have her committed to some institution ! I know that it wasn 't an option , considering the quality of the " institutions " available and the guilt that he would have felt denying his marriage vow of " in sickness and in health " , but damn , the consequences of three people walking on eggshells around one mentally ill person for years on end are still being felt , years and years later . Basically , my brother and I were raised in an insane asylum from which there was no asylum . Sometimes now , when my brother and I are alone , we laugh as we reminisce about the insanity we lived through . It 's something that we do alone , because experience has taught us that people think that we are exaggerating our experiences , or they try to pooh - pooh our feelings about them . Worst still , they feel deep pity for us , or think that we are cruel when we indulge in some black humor about the situtation . Hey , it was laugh or go crazy , and we did a little of both . I 'm open with most of my friends about my upbringing , because I 've learned that my mother 's illness is not my shame , but I don 't go into details with very many people . Most people really do not want to know about it , and I don 't have that great a need to ruin their nice day with my moldy old classics , like " The Day Mom Was Writing Out Her Suicide Note When I Came In From Playing With My Friends " , or " The Day Mom Was Talking On The Phone With Grandma , And Accused My Father Of Molesting Me . " Whew boy , those sure are classics , but since she is dead , and that was my former life , there is usually no reason to tell people these disturbing things . ( Oh , except for the entire internet , that is . LOL ) J knows the parts of the story that I think are pertinent to his understanding where I came from , and to understand when sometimes old ghosts come back to haunt me , but I haven 't even told him those two old chestnuts , because it was bad enough that we had to go through that stuff , no sense putting the details of these mental images into yet another brain . We do sometimes talk about the ( now ) funny OCD things she used to do , like the incessant counting of things , the way she would yell at people who would call on the phone during the " wrong " hour of the day , the complaining about mundane noises , like clocks ticking , birds chirping and planes flying overhead ( because they were signals that THEY were plotting something against her and her family ) , and a host of stories about her insane friends that would come over and make our family life so very special . Apparently , I 've learned the knack of telling these stories in an entertaining way , because the few who I feel comfortable telling them to will usually howl uproariously along with me . Now , some of the stories are quite funny , because they are so absurd . You can 't make this shit up . Well , I guess you could , but I 'm not . posted by Carrie @ 1 : 21 PM Comments Thursday , June 05 , 2003 I can 't believe that I heard the news about Lydia 's wedding from Sandy , who heard it from Janet . She 's not my problem any more , I know , but I have to wonder what the hell happened to the person who was once my best friend and confidante . I may never understand it . The back story starts here : Over a period of about five months , Lydia went Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs , and our once close friendship disintegrated to the point that I had to ask her to move out of my house . That was at the end of 2001 , after months of increasingly alarming and irrationally controlling behavior on her part , and moving from being sympathetic and supportive to defensive and frightened on my part . The last few days she lived in my house were excruciating . We 'd been friends for so many years - I was devastated that her personal problems had become so all - encompassing , that she couldn 't even see how irrationally she was behaving . It was really scary towards the end , and I began to fear for my safety . I cried bitterly in the shower every morning , knowing that she was falling apart , and there was nothing I could do to help anymore , because she was lying to her therapist about whatever was really the problem , and was busy making me the cause of her troubles . How can you help someone who blames you for their breakdown ? I couldn 't . After she moved out , we only spoke on the phone a couple of times , and I 'll admit that I was so angry that I was not able to forgive her immediately , as many times as she begged , pleaded and demanded that I do so . I said that I needed time to get over all the ugly things that had gone on over the last few months , knowing full well that if I didn 't keep in frequent contact with her at that point , she would shut me out of her life for good . I let her do just that , for the sake of my own sanity . I heard through the grapevine that she 'd met some guy a few days after her move out of my house was complete , and then that she moved in with him a few months after that , and that she 'd become engaged a few more months down the road . I can 't help but think to myself that this is awfully short work for someone who I witnessed falling to pieces a very short while before this meeting occured . How on earth did she get herself together to go out and meet this guy ? What was he smoking that he couldn 't see her mental condition at that point ? Of course , I 've heard that this guy was going through a miserable divorce of his own at that time , and battling for custody of his teenage son ( which he won ) , so I have to wonder what kind of meat tenderizing hammer marks were left on both of their souls when they hooked up . It 's either a blessing from God , or the worst mutual case of being on the rebound , ever . Now , when I said being on the rebound , I know that some of you sharp readers are leaping to the conclusion , Aha ! Lydia was Carrie 's lover ! No , no , emphatically no . Not that there 's anything wrong with that , in a Seinfeldian aside . It 's a little more complicated than that . I can 't say what she was thinking , since I don 't know the real answer , and I won 't be calling Lydia ( not her real name , btw ) any time soon to ask , but I had some disturbing inklings that there was more to her downward spiral than the reasons she put forward . Some pretty disturbing things came out towards the end of our friendship , when the showdowns were more and more frequent , and the one that made me most queasy was that she said she considered us " soulmates " , and that her therapist told her that we had been in a " love relationship " , even though it wasn 't a physical one . ! ! ! Oh , to have been a fly on the wall in those sessions . What the HELL was she telling that woman ? Or did Lydia make that crap up ? It was tough to tell the truth from her fiction by that point , anyway . Ooooooh , I thought , that 's why she was taking it so hard that I was falling in love with J , and spending more time with him . I knew that she had issues with women who drop their women friends as soon as Mr . Wonderful comes around , and I always thought that was pretty shitty myself , but I thought she was being incredibly unfair , anticipating my ( bad ) behavior before I 'd actually done anything of that sort . " Give me a little credit ! " , I implored . We 'd only gone out three times by the time she started in on me with all kinds of paranoid and rather insulting insinuations . She went on and on about before she knew it , he 'd be over every night , and then soon she 'd be looking for somewhere to live . That 's not my style , and I was insulted that she assumed all kinds of bad behavior on my part , when she of all people should have known better . And then the demands began . I had to pick a day every week that was just hers , and I couldn 't make plans with J that day . Uh , ooooohkaaaay . And I had to give her warning when I thought that he 'd be stopping by . Okay , that 's pretty reasonable . But then , because she was feeling Invaded that a MAN would be spending time in her home , ( oh , heavens ! ) , she would need to feel comfortable about his presence in her own time , and I wasn 't to invite him home until SHE was comfortable with him being around , and she had to pick a public place where she would meet him , but it had to be somewhere she chose , I had to sit on the same side of the table as she was , I had to arrive at the diner and leave the diner WITH HER , definitely not with HIM , or she would feel like an abandoned third wheel . . . and on and on . The demands became more strange as time went on , and the crying and hysterics when her demands weren 't met exactly as she stated were scary . All the while , I was keeping her behavior a secret from J , because I hoped that she would regain her sanity , and he wouldn 't know what went on , so they could be friendly at some point . This was the balancing act of my life , keeping her insanity from corrupting my budding relationship with him . Then , the packing began . I would come home from work , and find a new area of the house rearranged , her things obviously packed up and moved into her bedroom , and MY things put into new places . Since she was getting so loopy and I was trying to pick my battles , I didn 't get outwardly angry with her for moving my things around , but it was hurting my feelings that she was acting like I was attacking her , when in actuality I was walking on eggshells around her , hoping that this was all a kooky phase , and if I was kind and gentle with her , once she got comfortable with J , met him and saw that he was not the enemy , that she 'd calm down . Apparently , I was just dreaming . The one that just really topped it all was when she dismantled MY computer and put it in a pile on the floor . Since it was my old Macintosh and we were kind of sharing her new PC at that point anyway , I suppose she thought it wouldn 't bother me , but damn , to do such a thing without even asking first ! I held my temper in check and asked why she 'd taken my computer apart , and she said that it bothered her being so close to the door . Uh , oooohkaaaaay . [ Insert cuckoo clock sound here . ] Now that you know the background , you may understand why I was incensed for the first few moments after I heard that it took her all of three months to move in with some guy she met DAYS after moving out of my house . After accusing me of moving too fast in my relationship with J ( who I 'd know for a few weeks before we even got around to exchanging phone numbers ) , and harranging me daily about how upsetting that was to her , she went about setting land speed records for shacking up . Talk about the pot calling the kettle " Black ! " Now , hearing yesterday that she married this guy last month makes me feel all kinds of emotions rolled into one . Why didn 't she go on her Husband Quest before she attempted to drive me insane ? Why take out her mental problems on me ? And what the hell are these people in for , Mr . Just Got Out Of One Mess And Right Into Another , and Miss Control Freak See I 'm Not Gay And Now I 'm Married That Proves It ? According to people who work with her , she 's all drippy gooey with lovey - dovey talk on the phone with Mr . New Mess I 've Gotten Myself Into , and they were " all over each other " in the store where they bumped into a mutual friend . Need to prove to the world that you are the most in love people ever , do you ? That 's fine if you are a teenager , or are standing on a bridge over a river in Paris . But really , this hanging all over each other and lovey - dovey crap sounds like such an act . Who are they trying to impress ? Oh , whatever . Yes , YES , I know I sound bitter . I am surprised to see how angry I still am over these stupid things that happened so long ago . But it 's that childish feeling of , " It 's not FAIR " that keeps nagging me . She was so crappy to me when I finally found someone to be happy with , at precisely the time I really needed my best friend to talk with and giggle with about all that new boyfriend stuff , and I am still resentful about it . I guess that spiteful little payback beast inside me is what is keeping me from being happy for her that she has supposedly found what she was looking for , but to be fair ( there 's that word again ) , she put me through so much hell in such a short period , I can 't imagine that even Lydia would expect me to be all sweetness and light about the news . This part makes no sense at all , but I 'm going to say it anyway . I 'm really pissed that I had to find out about her getting married through a third party , a month after the fact . All those years we were such good friends , or so I thought . I was supposed to be her maid of honor , helping with plans for her wedding , going to gown fittings and throwing the bachelorette party , all that stuff . It really smarts to find out this way , from the outside , after the fact . I supported her and helped her through her mother 's death , her own cancer , depression , unemployment , romantic disappointments , you name it . And she helped me through personal tragedies galore , too . I thought we were the closest of friends , and that we would be buds until we were old . But when I found J , she was so terrified of the imagined abandonment , that she didn 't have it in her heart to be happy for me . Shame on her for all that crazy shit , smothering me and then pushing me away like that . I tried my best to be a good friend to her , and I feel cheated . These are my stories and opinions , based on my life . Everything on this blog is my original work and is copyrighted . Anything written by others is fully attributed . |
PART 4 - Marvelous Max the Miracle Cat Returns We have two cats now - Spot , our first feral kitten , and Max , our feral cat who adopted us . This is their stories told in a few parts . This is mostly taken from memory . Unlike with Spot , I kept no record of our interactions with Max . We didn 't think of him as our cat so I didn 't feel a need to keep a record . Now I wish there was a better record of dates and such , but there isn 't . How long it took to get him to trust me enough to pat his head and rub his ears - can 't say exactly . It was a few weeks into the feedings . The improvements happened exponentially , one building on the other and each one a bit quicker than the last . I ALWAYS offered my hand to him first , before any other moves . He 'd sniff then butt my hand or bend and rub his head against it . Slow and easy . Two steps forward , half a step back . When I tried touching his back , near his tail , he 'd freak out but each time he 'd come back quicker . Now , after weeks of patience and tender , loving handling , I had to trap him . It was betrayal , but necessary . That didn 't make it any easier . Before I met the cat lady , I went into the veterinarian 's office and spoke with the receptionist about the neutering and vaccines he 'd require . She told me she would block out a time for Max and be sure they did everything he needed . Since the organization would be taking ownership , the vet would be working with them but they were very kind in reassuring me about the care he 'd have . I met the cat lady at the veterinarian 's office where she gave me the trap and showed me how it functioned . The plan was for me to capture him late in the day and bring him inside for the night . The trap needed to be covered to keep him calm , and I was to call the lady and tell her I successfully trapped him . She would then arrange for the Vet to operate the next morning and let me know what time to deliver him to the veterinarian 's office . First , I put the trap near where Max was regularly fed with both ends of the trap open ( as if it were a tunnel ) . Spot walked right in and through to the other side and Max followed . This was going to be so easy and that made me feel even worse . I then closed the back , put the food in place and then ( with Spot in the house ) set the trap . I stepped back and Max walked right in . Bang ! He was terrified , trapped in a small space and hissing like crazy . I covered the cage and brought him inside , placing a dish of food and one of water in the cage . He started to cry , such a pitiful sound like his heart was broken , so I cried too . I wasn 't sure either of us would last until morning . Spot paced around acting upset and he eventually went upstairs ; me , too . I called the cat lady as soon as he was in the trap and told her he was safely in the cage in the house and asked her what time to bring him to the vet . They wanted him at 9 : 00 AM - OMG ! Hours and hours away . Finally the time came to take him and , as I left him there , I could hear him crying . The vet called later in the day to tell us he came through the surgery fine and the cat lady planned on picking him up the next day . She would keep him for the duration of his medical work up and then place him in a home if he was judged a good cat for home living . About two days later she called me to say he was not tamable , would never be a pet , and although she was led to believe he was friendly - he was not . I sensed she was unhappy with me , and I even think she thought I 'd lied when I told her how loving he was . I told her he was very affectionate and I had pictures of him showing his sweet nature . " Well " , she said , " He certainly isn 't showing me that , but I might be able to find a barn home for him . Many of these cats just make their way back to where they came from , though , so he might show up at your door someday . He needs booster shots in a couple weeks and I want to groom him . He needs to be anesthetized for that , so I 'll be keeping him until he 's ready to go to a barn . " " He can come back to us , " I said . " I will cover all the expenses . " Visions of Max trying to get back home , across roads with traffic , trying to find food , and who knows what other dangers could befall him as he journeyed back to us . NO . He needs to be here . I told her we 'd make a good home for him , and he knows this place . There 's been too much trauma up to now with more to come . She said , " Yes , he is traumatized and who knows if he 'll ever return to being the cat you knew . He could easily revert to being totally feral and distrusting . " I spent a few days researching and finally decided on an outdoor shelter for him . When it arrived , I placed it between two big trees up against a boulder so the wind wouldn 't hit it directly . I used a half sheet of plywood and leaned it up on the rock and over the house , then I filled the house with nice straw and packed all the spaces around the house with straw to help keep out the wind . My husband made a platform that sat about two inches off the ground so the house would stay dry in wet weather , and I put straw all around there , too . This is Spot in the Cat House ; he loves it . It appears the hay is moved around and settled so I think Max may be sleeping there at least some of the time . Can 't be sure , though How can I describe the anxiety ? Nothing seemed right without Max at the kitchen door every morning . The world was all akimbo without Max and Spot running around playing leapfrog . It was lonely without him , and images of Max in a cage for all this time were terrible . He was accustomed to being free , unfettered , and now he was held in a cage . I could hardly stand it , but the way she talked I expected Max home before Thanksgiving . The Monday before Thanksgiving I called the Cat Lady and asked when we might be getting him back . She explained that they 'd been so busy that things were backed up . He still needed some shots and grooming so it would be after Thanksgiving . It would be at least a couple more weeks . More waiting and fretting . Around December 8th I called her again to check and she said all that remained to be done was grooming . She 'd bring him to us in a couple days and she had a kitty playpen for us to keep him in . It was a joyous moment ! I asked how long we 'd need to keep him in the pen before we let him outside , and she said , " He can 't go outside ! He 's been compromised by being kept inside . " I asked her if she 'd been keeping him in the house , and she said , " No , in the barn . " Since I don 't anyone who heats their barn ( but there may be some people somewhere who do ) , I figured his fur was still thick and would be okay . I needed to see him to do my own evaluation . The day finally arrived when our Max was coming home . The cat lady showed up with him in a carrier , cowering and unhappy , and a kitty playpen . I know she had to do some fancy things to get me a playpen , and she thought he 'd be in it until April This was December . She put it together without much help from me , released Max into the pen , and told me not to let him out . " You don 't want a feral cat running around the house ! " she warned . " I will be shocked if you can tame him at all , " she said . I set up the litter box , the food and the water , and he went and hid in the litter box . She gave me the formal adoption paperwork ( Officially he was her 's once I turned him over , so now I was the adopted Mom ) which , luckily , did not say I had to keep him strictly as an inside cat . I also noticed he now had a micro chip and his left ear was cut off at the top . This is a way vets mark the cats that are neutered and cared for but homeless . It helps later to ID them if they are found . The cat lady left , probably mentally washing her hands of both the cat and me . In fairness , she felt she was misled as to Max 's potential as a house cat and her time was so short and needed elsewhere , in her opinion . Still , she got him all fixed up and healthy and got him back here to us with a big kitty playpen . She did good ! Her help is greatly appreciated . Now , with her gone , I turned my attention to Max who was cowering in the litter pan and looking terrified . No wonder ! How many strangers had handled him ? How many cages was he in and how small ? Did he even remember me ? I sat down next to the cage and began talking to him just like the old days when he was free . " You 're my beautiful boy . Now you 're home . Purrrr , purrrr , " I said over and over . He relaxed a bit and I tried to scratch his ears through the bars - HISSS ! ! ! and he ran to the other side . I stayed right there , on the floor , for a couple hours having a nice conversation and I kept trying to pet him . Little by little I got close and then , about 9 : 00 PM that evening I WAS petting him : > ) Still , he looked absolutely miserable . I asked my husband to take those two pictures so I could tell the cat lady and show her the pictures . I wanted her to know he was letting me pet him . We went to bed and Max began to cry . He missed having us around and even Spot deserted him . Spot sleeps most of the night on our bed . You can see how pitiful Max is in the cage . When we came downstairs in the morning both my husband and I knew we had to let him go free . It was taking a chance that he 'd decide to move on and we 'd never see him again . He might also stay around but never come near . Whatever the result , he 'd be happier free and in the world of caves , boulders , and woods that he knew so well . We rolled the playpen to the kitchen door ( remember , that opens out to the hydrangeas ) and I lifted the door . It took only a few seconds , a couple puzzled looks and he was off and running . I watched him for a couple hours as he wandered around the property , rubbing his chin on twigs , marking his territory , and reacquainting himself with the lay of the land . Would he come back to the bird yard for food ? Late afternoon came and it was feeding time . I got the dishes ready and made sure the door banged and the dishes rattled . Sure enough , Max came cautiously into the yard . He came to the bowls and I actually got a moment to pet him on top of his head then he retreated . At that point it was best to let him alone to eat and do whatever it was he wanted to do . There was hope and I 'd settle for that . The next day I caught a couple glimpses of him , left food out , and the food disappeared . I wasn 't positive Max was the one that ate it - we have wild critters all around . The day after that I didn 't see him at all and my heart sank . I didn 't know if he was still around and just hiding or if he moved on . Spot would go to the kitchen door and stand up to look outside . He was looking for Max . Then , without any warning , Max was outside the door at break of day crying for his meal . I rushed around getting it ready , heart in my throat , and walked outside to the rock . Max was right there beside me , meowing and purring . I reached down to pet him , he gave a little shrug , then butted his head against my hand . When he was done eating , he jumped up on the table to clean himself and let the meal settle . Each day that passed brought a little more progress , and soon Max was enjoying the chest rubs and back massages . He began to come to the door , asking for attention . He was even more friendly than before he left . Max is now a huge part of our lives . I still need to work with him and get him to where I can pick him up . I 've been able to pick up his front body and immediately put it down ; once I picked up his whole body ( about half an inch ) and moved him over a few inches . This is something he doesn 't care for , losing touch with terra firma is a new and scary experience so it will take time . Everything with Max takes time , and every minute is worth it . It was time to dose him with Frontline - the unusually warm weather means there are many Ticks still around , and fleas , too , I bet . I got that done without any problems at all . What a good boy ! He thought I was petting him : > ) Max does NOT want to come inside ; perhaps in the Spring , when we can leave the door open for him to come and go as he pleases he will try out the house to see if it suits him . For now I 'm happy to have him , this powder puff of a kitty , as an outside buddy . He will , eventually , come up to my husband and ask for affection , and he will , eventually , let me pick him up and hold him . Until then , we love him as he is . Afterthought : The following four pictures were taken January 30 , 2015 ( a year ago ) and , believe it or not , the snow got worse after that and had been worse before . Wildlife suffered terribly - it was a very tough time finding food ; wild turkeys and whitetail deer came daily to the bird table - Max 's table - to grab a snack . You can see the hydrangeas on the right . The kitchen window and door are about 15 feet away , but the animals were undeterred ; hunger is an undeniably strong force that can erase normal caution . We have no idea how Max survived through two terrible winters with no help , but he did . We didn 't see him for days at a time , but back then we didn 't really miss him when he wasn 't around . He was , after all , our neighbor 's cat - NOT : > ) We have two cats now - Spot , our first feral kitten , and Max , our feral cat who adopted us . This is their stories told in a few parts . This is mostly taken from memory . It began with a case of mistaken identity and progressed from there . We have no idea what befall this beautiful cat before he appeared in our yard about three years ago , but we think he must have been dropped off , as a kitten , on the road near our woods . Sadly , this used to be very common , but in recent years we haven 't seen many " drop - offs " . This is shameful behavior on anyone 's part . Whatever happened to Max before he chose us as his people will remain a mystery . For us , the story begins about three years ago when we noticed a gorgeous , big , fuzzy pillow of a cat hanging around the periphery of our yard . He was orange and white with long hair and golden eyes - a beauty of a cat but obviously male and an intact male at that . His manner was furtive , and he was stalking our songbirds that I feed . He also kept spraying to claim territory . I began to read up on how to discourage cats from coming around . We figured he belonged to our neighbor who has lots of animals , including barn cats , so I decided to check and I asked her one day if she was missing a long - haired orange and white guy . " No , " she said , " Max may not always be right here where we can see him , but he 's around regularly . " So , since this was our neighbor 's cat , we didn 't want to do anything with him , but we also didn 't want to make friends . It became a matter of discovering something that would keep him away without harming him . I tried spreading coffee grounds in the area where we feed the birds - he lay down and slept on them . I tried cayenne pepper on the ground - he seemed to know just where to walk to avoid it . By the way , even squirrels seem to ignore the cayenne pepper when I put it in with the bird seed . That seems to be a non - starter for keeping anything away . We were still doing the shooing and waving of arms which only made him back up until we disappeared into the house . I decided to buy one of those motion sensor spray things to try to make him dislike our feeding area . My husband took great care setting it up in the right place to cover the bird yard with a spray of water , and he also installed a double connection at the faucet so we could leave the water on all the time . After the first couple times he got wet , Max learned to come in from behind and avoid the electric eye . He 'd jump up on the picnic table used for feeding seed and bask in the sunshine , dashing off into the woods when we came in view . He even ran if he saw us in the kitchen window . That window looks directly out on the hydrangeas and the bird feeders . We planned on having Spot as an inside cat , so Max wasn 't an issue . Spot wouldn 't cross paths with him so there was no concern about diseases , fighting over territory , and things like that . Our neighbor 's cat obviously was here to stay , so we gave up on the water sprayer , the coffee grounds , the cayenne pepper . As long as he kept a respectful distance when we were watching , we had a truce . I even began to watch for him laying out on a sunny rock enjoying the warmth ; he was such a lovely cat . There was a period of about three days when we didn 't see him at all and I began to worry about him . I emailed the neighbor and asked if she 'd seen Max and she wrote back , " Yes . He was here this morning in the barn " . I was relieved to hear he was okay . That surprised me because I didn 't think I had developed fond feelings for him until that moment . The next day he was back on his rock in the woods . I looked for him every time I was near the window , and I missed him when he wasn 't nearby by . We stopped shooing him away , and I began to notice he wasn 't really fat and sassy ; he was quite thin under all that fur . He had big bones , too , which fooled you into thinking he was bigger than he actually was . I worried about that but we have a hard and fast rule , " Thou shalt not feed thy neighbor 's cat ! " . Feeding a cat just about assures it will set up housekeeping in your yard . We didn 't want to lure the cat away from his family . Meantime , Spot was growing up and he showed himself to be an active , curious , intelligent cat desirous of a lot of activity . We spent hours playing with him . I spent a fortune on toys . My husband installed shelves under a number of windows so he could sit and look outside , and he loved sitting in the bay window in the kitchen and watching the birds ( and Max ) . As the winter changed to spring and Spot approached his first birthday , we knew we needed to let him outside . This was a cat that was not happy within the confines of the house . Now it was time to worry about Max and how to manage this possible disaster when the two cats met . Spot was neutered ; Max was not . Spot was vaccinated , clean of parasites , self - assured , bossy , and agile . Max was a survivor , an " outside cat " , an unfixed male who was king of his territory and that territory included our yard . We called him Max Of The Hydrangeas since he liked hanging out under them . There was no doubt going to be some sort of confrontation , but Spot was entitled to his own yard . If I had to go to the neighbor and ask her to get her cat fixed , I would do that . Funny , though , because they are responsible pet owners and , to the best of my knowledge , her cats were all either spayed or neutered . Somehow Max must have slipped through the cracks . The first day Spot went outside , he stayed close to us , stuck like glue , for about a second . Before we could turn around he was in the apple tree , climbing ever higher and looking down on us like we were ants . He came back down to where he was almost within reach , then kind of spread out on a branch batting us , then raced back up to the tippy top where the branches are thin and bendy . That was a worry , of course , as a fall could hurt him . We walked a little way away and down he came , dashed over to us , grabbed my leg and ran away to investigate whatever came into sight . He prowled through the wildflower garden , climbed the boulders , examined the vehicles . He ran , he jumped , he stalked grasshoppers . He was a happy cat . For a couple days we continued to let Spot out under our watchful eye , always using the front door , not the kitchen door which opens out into the bird yard and the hydrangeas . Max came around often and sat under the flowers to watch , but he didn 't interact and he didn 't seem at all assertive or aggressive toward Spot . Quite the contrary , he seemed subservient . I can 't even remember the exact moment they met in person , but it was when my husband and I weren 't watching . Next thing we saw was Max rubbing under Spot 's chin and Spot acting like he was tolerating this behavior . Max was besotted with Spot - followed him around , even rubbed his belly ( see the photo at the top of the age ) . Spot continued to behave like a monarch who was granting privileges to a minion . Now and then Max to a bat on the head from Max , but Max only backed of for a minute or two or rolled over on his back , purring . Every day Max was outside the kitchen door at dawn , waiting for his buddy to be let outside . Spot would look out the window then go to the door , then go back to the window until we set him free to romp and play . One day Spot ran up the apple tree and Max followed , crouching , waiting to pounce when Spot came by on his way down . Spot , ever the adventurer , went too far out on a dead limb and down he came , limb and all . Max was confused , couldn 't figure out how Spot got on the ground somehow avoiding his ambush . He was more surprised than Spot who dashed back up to the tree to Max . Every now and then I 'd run into our neighbor and we 'd talk about MAX . I would tell her how he was getting more accepting of me but wouldn 't come close enough to let me touch him . She thought that strange because he LOVED being held and even hugged her neck and purred . I said he was comfortable with me , but had a " personal space " he didn 't want violated . That was fine ; I didn 't want to entice him to think he was our cat - he had a loving home . The two cats were so cute together ( when Spot wasn 't acting like he was the imperial ruler , Ming The Merciless ) and one day in August I took a few pictures and shared them with our neighbor . Not five minutes later I got a reply , " OMG ! THAT ISN ' T MAX ! ! ! ! " " Absolutely positively sure , " she wrote back , " Our Max has only half a white face . " A couple days later she emailed and asked if Max was around - she 'd like to come see this mystery cat . He was here so she came up and re - confirmed that this was not her Max . She brought a can of wet food for me to feed him , but by now I 'd bought a ton of both wet and dry food so both cats could eat their fill . As soon as she said this wasn 't her Max , I began feeding him . If this coming winter was to be anywhere as fierce , cold , and snowy as l last winter , this poor kitty would need some fat on his bones ! He was delighted with the food and let me come closer with each passing day . When I was bringing out the food bowl , he purred so loudly I could hear him many feet away . Very gradually I held my hand closer and closer to him as he ate , being sure to keep my hand in his line of vision - no surprises to scare him . The first time I touched him he ran about five feet away , sat down , and wouldn 't come back until I backed away from the food . The next day I touched Max again and this time he jumped but returned to eat when I told him , " You 're such a beautiful boy ! It 's okay . " . I always talked to him , " You 're a beautiful boy . What a pretty kitty ! " , and I 'd purr , or at least try , and he liked that a lot . In a few weeks he was standing up at the kitchen door , looking in , meowing and letting me know he wanted his food . He let me pat him on the head and scratch his ears , but touching anywhere else unsettled him . It was a slow and gentle process , but he was learning to trust me . Our concerns about fighting between the " boys " turned to concerns about Max 's health , and what that could mean for Spot as well as Max . As Max was now proven to be a cat cat with no home and " wild " , we worried about the usual cat diseases and parasites . He was full of dog ticks and deer ticks but wasn 't willing to let me pat him enough to get Frontline on him . I felt the ticks whenever I rubbed his ears or chin and I could see them through all that fur . They were numerous and nasty and he needed to be treated . No doubt he also had ear mites and worms . I didn 't think we could ever get him to go into a trap because he was exceedingly wary , and I couldn 't get him to let me put the tik stuff on the nape of his neck . My husband and I talked about what we could do and what would be the best thing for Max . It broke my heart , but I finally agreed that we had to somehow trap him and give him to a cat rescue organization that could place him in a loving home . We knew he sprayed to mark his territory . We had no idea if he would use a litter box if he were house - bound . I had some idea that the cat organization would " socialize " him to be friendly to all and behave like a proper house cat . He was so affectionate and ready for love . I can 't describe how hard it was to decide to let him go . By this time he was standing up like a meerkat to reach my hand for petting , and when I went outside with his meals he nearly tripped me in his excitement . I usually put the bowls on the big rock . When weather was awful , like rain and wind , he 'd follow me while I put the food under the table , walking right beside me and purring loudly . He 'd butt my hand to ask for ear rubs . Trapping him meant I would take advantage of his trust , totally destroy it , and send him off with strange people . I don 't think he ever knew confinement and now he 'd be trapped in a small cage . It didn 't make me feel good ; it mad me feel sad ! He needed to be neutered , de - parasitized , vaccinated against any and all diseases so he had a chance at a healthy life . I called around and went on line and finally found someone who would work with me , albeit reluctantly . She told me there were so many cats " out there " just like Max that their organization 's resources , both financial and human , were severely strained . They are a " No Kill " organization so that means if he didn 't get a home they would be caring for him for many years . It was a long - term commitment on their part and they weren 't at all sure Max qualified for a home . He 'd have to be evaluated . Rescue organizations are doing their best but the incoming tide of homeless cats is more like a tsunami . Let me add that this also applies to those hero - folks who rescue dogs and other animals . We humans are not very honorable at times , and oftentimes we don 't think it through when planning on getting a pet for the family . I admit to doing as much arm - twisting as I could to get him into their system and on a path for a new home - a real home . I told her I 'd pay for everything he needed and all his care . I also kind of called in a marker by telling her I once worked with a lady who was active in their organization and that I 'd done a lot to support them through the years . It worked ; they agreed ; and I knew they weren 't happy about it . Who could blame them with so many needy cats without homes and here I am saying this cat needs to go to them . I told them I knew their organization and trusted them . I told them how sweet Max was , how beautiful , and how much he loved petting . I told them how he followed me , asked at the door for food and attention , and I told them he had to find a good home ! He deserved it ! They gave me a trap , showed me how to use it , and I came home so unhappy , so conflicted , that I almost didn 't go through with the process . It was one of the most emotionally painful things I 've ever done , to trap him , but at the very least he needed neutering and the attention of a veterinarian . If he was to have a chance at a longer , happy life , I had to do this . I had to give him up . We have two cats now - Spot , our first feral kitten , and Max , our feral cat who adopted us . This is their stories told in a few parts . I 'm wordy : > ) some semblance of proper chronological order . I decided to write this because all the angst , all the worry , all the doubt we experienced may be helpful to someone . A feral cat or kitten is a lot of work ! They are worth every moment of it , and You 'll get to know this marvelous kitten we adopted , and the beautiful cat who adopted us . It 's quite a journey . sits , or stands on the chair with his front feet on the screen and watches . The whole time he 's purring - LOUDLY ! Sometimes I ask him if he wants to go see the When he had his first birthday , we let him outside . Oh , what joy ! He LOVES it out there in his personal jungle but never wanders far and |
I was sitting in the passenger side of a pickup truck . My dad was in the driver 's seat right next to me . I had a bag packed with clothing in the backseat . We were speeding down an old country road , trees towering over the side of us . Once a year , I had to go stay with my grandfather . He lived out alone in the middle of nowhere . He lived in a small , old , run - down cabin . My parents said that he had lived there his whole life , and that he couldn 't let go of the house . I never liked the place . It gave off this creepy vibe . There was no one around for miles , as far as I could tell . They would say that my grandfather was getting old , and that he was lonely . That he didn 't have much time left to see me . With this speech I would give in . It was no different this year . I was quiet for the rest of the ride , watching the trees blur outside of the window as we zoomed by . Eventually we came to an old rusted gate and stopped . My dad got out of the car , and unlocked and pushed the gate open . We drove the down the dirt road , dust kicking up behind us . After a while an old steel windmill and white wooden cabin came into view . We stopped and got out of the car . The door to the cabin swung open and an old man came shambling out . An old hound dog followed him out too . " Gee I can 't wait . " I was happy to be with him , but at the same time ; I was not looking forward to all the work I would do . My Dad and Granddad had a long talk , and then said goodbye . My Dad got back in the truck and took off , leaving a cloud of dust behind him . I followed him inside and went to go set my stuff down . There were only two bedrooms in the cabin . It was a tiny place , but surrounded by a lot of land . There was a huge cornfield in the front of the house , and a huge normal field behind the house . At the edge of these fields were tree lines for massive forests . I used to be downright scared of this place when I was a kid . Of course now I didn 't believe in ghosts , or monsters , aliens , or any of that sort . Although I still probably wouldn 't willingly walk through the forest in the middle of the night . There was no internet here , and no entertainment but a radio and a black and white TV with one blurry channel . I set my bag down on the old couch . Grandad followed by sitting down on his favorite beige chair . We had a long talk about school , sports , and stuff like that . He poured me a glass of nice lemonade he had made . After a long conversation he made me get to work outside . The heat was irritating and I was exhausted by the end of the day . I came inside and read a book I had brought with me while Grandad cooked dinner . He was making some steak with baked potatoes and a salad . After eating the delicious meal , Grandad went to bed and I went to sit on the porch on the front of the house . There were no city lights out here , so you could see all the stars . It was fun to try and find the constellations . Something else other than the constellations got my attention . When I was trying to find Scorpio , I noticed two blue lights flying through the night sky . They didn 't stop , and they didn 't blink either . They made no noise . I couldn 't believe my eyes , I was actually seeing a UFO . I tried to think of any possible reason for the lights , but nothing crossed my mind . They seemed to be getting even closer so I headed back inside . It was cool , but a little creepy at the same time . I didn 't want to wake up Grandad , so I decided to go to bed anyway . The bed was a little dirty , but I was so tired that I didn 't care . That 's strange , I could have sworn I shut it off , I thought to myself as I got out of the bed . I reluctantly went to the bathroom and turned it off . I drowsily walked back to my room and went to sleep . But it didn 't last long . I woke up again to the sound of the sink running . I angrily walked to the bathroom , only to find that the light was still on in there too . I checked the clock hanging on the wall . Exactly one hour had passed since I had gone back to sleep earlier . I knew this place was haunted or some shit , I jokingly thought to myself as I turned off the sink and the light . Once again , I headed back to my room for some sleep . I almost immediately fell back into my slumber once I laid down in my bed . For the third time , I was jolted awake by a sound . Not only could I hear the sink , but also the loud electric razor . I kicked off my sheets angrily and stomped back to the bathroom . Without hesitation I flicked off the lights and turned the handle on the sink . I then picked up the electric razor to do the same . But it was already not plugged in . I gasped and dropped the razor . It turned off when it hit the ground . I turned around and looked at the clock . 3 : 09 AM , exactly one hour after the last incident . I felt shivers run down my spine and took off running back to my room , slamming the door and locking it behind me . Now I was genuinely frightened . I thought about waking up Grandad , but there was no way he would believe me . I lay there awake for hours , thinking about what could have caused the recent events . By the time I awoke , sunlight was beaming through the windows onto my bed . I jumped and ran to the window . The sun was hanging high in the sky . Normally Grandad always woke me up right at dawn . What if something happened to him ? I nervously thought . I jumped out of bed and headed to his room . He wasn 't in there , so I searched the rest of the cabin . I found him sitting on the porch , reading a book and drinking whiskey . I spent most of the day doing what he advised ; exploring the land . I was walking through the large field behind the house , kicking ant beds , when I saw something weird . At the edge of the tree line , there appeared to be a black animal of some kind . It wasn 't moving , and didn 't seem to be too big . As I got closer , I noticed it was a fox . And unlike other foxes , this one didn 't run away or even seem the least bit scared . It just kept staring at me . It also had blue eyes . When I got about ten feet from it , the fox turned around and slowly walked back through the forest . I followed it , making sure to keep my distance . It didn 't stop or change pace , just led me deeper into the forest . It never even once turned around to look at me . I had a large knife in my pocket at the ready , so I wasn 't really scared of something happening , even after last night . After what seemed like an hour , the fox went into some brush and I lost sight of it . I pushed my way through the brush and came to a large clearing in the middle of the woods . The fox was nowhere in sight . The clearing had a small hill in the middle , so I walked to the top of that to get a better view of what was around me . My heart skipped a beat when I saw another man standing by a tree . He didn 't have a gun , but he was carving something into the tree with a small knife . I quickly ran over to him . " Hey ! What are you doing on my property ! " I shouted . The man looked to be around the same age as me . He was even a little chunky . " Oh shit man ! Dude I 'm sorry I didn 't know anyone was here , I swear ! " The kid looked harmless to me , so I told him to calm down . He told me that he was my Grandad 's neighbor , and that he would occasionally get bored and come over and just mess around in the woods . He said that he wouldn 't poach or destroy any property . I didn 't have any reason to believe him , but my Grandad would tell me if there had been a poacher or someone vandalizing his property . He introduced himself as Paul . He was pretty redneck , and didn 't seem to be the smartest out there , but at least I had someone to hang out with now . He had been carving random stuff into the trees . I told him not to do it anymore , in case my Grandad would find out . He showed me a beaver dam that he had recently found . And a chimney that was all that remained of a house that burned down . Apparently he came on this land often . " Lights , blue and red , they fly around in the night sky . Sometimes they go low , especially over the field and the house , " he told me . My mind started racing when I heard this . What if Grandad had been abducted by aliens or something crazy like that ? What if that 's the reason he has been acting so strange ? How can I know if Grandad is actually even Grandad ? I stopped at this thought . " You said you were his neighbor , can we go to your house ? " I asked Paul . Thunder rumbled in the distance . Dark clouds were gathering at the edge of the horizon . The branches swayed violently in the wind I didn 't waste any time getting back to the farm . Getting caught in thunderstorm out in the woods is not an enjoyable experience . Fortunately for me , the storm seemed to be moving at a snail 's pace . By the time the sun was setting , It still had not reached us yet . " Oh no reason , just wondering , " I didn 't want him to freak out about Paul . I figured I would confront him directly tomorrow . I turned away to look out the window . The setting sun looked like an orange wave peaking over the storm clouds . Then I noticed it . The Black Fox was sitting in the middle of the field , staring directly at me with its blue eyes . That night , the storm was in full swing . There was no rain or hail , just lots of lightning . The most I 've ever seen in a storm before . Jagged streaks constantly darted across the sky , not leaving a moment 's rest in between . Me and Grandad sat on the porch for a while , watching the show . The storm was so violent that it scared his hound , who had left the porch to go hide under the couch . We grew tired of watching the storm after a while and decided to go back inside and get some sleep . For me , it didn 't last long . My eyes jolted open and I shot up , looking around the room . It was still dark . I got up and looked at a clock . 1 : 09 , the exact same time I woke up last night . This time however , there was no sink or razor that had turned on . Instead I heard granddad 's hound barking wildly . It slept on the porch , so I thought that maybe it just wanted to go inside . I left the room and made my way to the porch door . I couldn 't hear any thunder , so the storm was no longer present . When I got to the kitchen , something changed . I heard the dog begin to growl , and then whimper . I grabbed a knife that was sitting on the kitchen counter . But the dog had gone silent now . I slowly looked out the nearest window . All I could see from it was the windmill and the corn field . Strange , the corn stalks weren 't moving , but the windmill was spinning , I thought to myself . It began to spin faster and faster ; faster than it had gone during the recent storm . Then the house began to shake violently . There was a flash of blue light , and I stepped back from the window , rubbing my eyes . The light beamed through every window and door , and began to get brighter and brighter . I fell back on the floor , sinking into blackness . " What are ye doin ' sleepin ' out here ? " he asked me . I slowly got up and looked around . It was daylight now , and the house looked fine . I had a massive headache though . I didn 't want to tell Grandad the truth . " I came over here to get a glass of water and tripped , it was so dark I couldn 't see where I was walking . Ahh , my head is killing me , " I told him . I wasn 't lying about my head . " My dog ! My cattle ! They 're all missin ' ! " he was breathing heavily , and I was scared he was going to have a heart attack . He then turned on me , his face red with anger . " We have a poacher then . You didn 't happen to see anyone or traces of someone yesterday , did you ? " He stared at me . I began to open my mouth , but hesitated . I was speechless . I had never seen Grandad this angry before . Even when someone stole his truck a few years ago . He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to face him . The rest of the day went slow . I wasn 't really allowed to do anything , and Grandad sat on the porch with the shotgun the whole day . At this point , I didn 't trust him anymore . I had started asking him random questions only my Grandad would know . I thought I was going to be stuck in the house the whole day , but Grandad wanted me to look for his lost animals , so he let me leave . I immediately made my way to Paul and I 's meeting spot . Just as I had expected , he was standing there waiting for me . " It doesn 't matter anyway , my Grandad is going to shoot anyone he sees . He 's … he 's gone crazy now . He 's just sitting around with a loaded shotgun , babbling to himself , " I told him . " You need to get out of there before he does something stupid , listen Aaron , you grandfather is a senile old man now . It isn 't safe to be around here . You should come stay with me at my place for a while , " Paul tried to persuade me . I hardly paid any attention to him . " I have to make sure Grandad doesn 't do anything insane like shoot up the house or himself for God 's sake . I need to go now , sorry . We 'll talk tomorrow if everything goes alright , " I turned around to walk way , but then turned back around . " Oh , and don 't come around to the house to try anything , please . I don 't know if he is crazy enough to kill someone right now , but I wouldn 't test it , " with this , I headed off . I saw the Black Fox for the third time on the way back . Like last time , he was just sitting there . And I could have sworn , he was staring directly into my eyes . Finally the day began to end and the sky was almost completely black , save for an orange streak at one end of the horizon . Grandad was still just sitting , holding the shotgun like a madman . Then I noticed the dark outline of a figure walking by the cornfield to the house . As it got closer , I could tell from the size it was Paul . That idiot ! What is he doing ? I thought to myself as I got up to tell my Grandad . But it was too late . My Grandad had already stood up and aimed the shotgun in his direction . Without any warning , he fired , kicking up dirt around Paul . Paul jumped behind a nearby shed and out of sight . Grandad fired again , causing the wood to splinter on the side of the shed . He pulled the trigger once more , but the only response was a click . I was just standing there , frozen . I didn 't know what to do . I headed to the window to look out at the shed . Shivers went down my spine when I saw it . In front of the shed was a pile of firewood and an axe used for chopping it . Now , only the firewood was there . My Grandad had reloaded the shotgun and headed out to the shed . " Where did dat son a bitch go ? " He cussed to himself as he looked behind the shed . I reached for a nearby kitchen knife and began to head back to the porch . At this point my mind was filled with confusion and I didn 't know what to do . Grandad was coming back inside the house . " Maybe I scared ' em off , " he chuckled a little . Just then , I heard a loud cracking sound and the front door cracked . There was another and part of the front door splintered open . I could see the edge of an axe through it . Grandad raised the shotgun and fired , but it didn 't stop the axe from swinging on the door again . Finally the door splintered open and a figure stepped into the house . It sprinted at Grandad , holding the axe up in the air like it was about to behead a chicken . Grandad reloaded the shotgun but didn 't have time to bring it up , and the man brought down the axe in a violent swing . Grandad quickly held up the shotgun horizontally with two hands and blocked the swing . In the light , I could tell the figure was Paul now . He was bleeding on his arm and chest , from where the shotgun had hit him . I didn 't think any man could survive that . The two men were in a power struggle . I was just standing there , gripping the knife with shaking hands . " Don 't listen to him ! He isn 't your real Grandfather ! " Paul replied . I was frozen . A million outcomes went through my head . I - I couldn 't do it . The axe was inches away from Grandad 's face now . He stepped back suddenly and the axe came down on the couch . Grandadused the shotgun like a bat and hit Paul violently in the head . " Ahhh ! " Paul screamed as he squeezed his bloody forehead with his hand . Grandad swung again , this time hitting Paul in the chest . Paul stumbled back . He swung the axe into Grandad 's stomach . Grandad made a grunting noise . I could see blood spilling out onto the ground . Paul brought the axe back for another swing , but Grandad had aimed the shotgun right at Paul 's head . Paul swung . Grandad fired . There was explosion of blood in the room , covering everything . Paul 's headless body dropped the axe and fell back on the floor . My mouth was hanging wide open . Grandad was standing there , panting heavily . He turned around and looked at me . " I told you to help . And you just stood there . I could have died ! What kind of grandson are you ! " He aimed the shotgun at me and pulled the trigger . I winced , but the only response was a click from the gun . It was empty . H - he tried to kill me … I stared at Grandad in horror . He picked up the axe and charged at me , letting out an inhuman scream . He was an old man , and his swing was slow . I dodged and stepped out of the way . I still had the knife in my hand . " Don 't make me do this ! " He raised the axe again , and I was trapped with a wall behind me . He began to swing and I stepped forward , plunging the knife into his chest . He dropped the axe , blood pouring out of his mouth . I pulled out the knife and stabbed again and again . Grandad fell back on the floor . Tears were rolling down my face . I must have sat for hours in the dark silence . There was no noise , not even crickets or owls . But then the silence was interrupted . I heard a creaking noise coming from outside . It began to get louder and louder . I got up and looked outside the window . The windmill was spinning fast . Uh oh … I thought to myself . I noticed a dark silhouette behind the windmill in the field . It was the silhouette of a fox . I noticed the blue eyes too . The silhouette got up and slowly began to move towards the house . I felt my heart sink to my knees . That thing was no normal fox . I rushed around the house looking for more shells , but couldn 't find any . I couldn 't just stay here and come face to face that " thing " . I pulled open the front door and took off running through the cornfield . I didn 't stop running , I ran through the whole field , cornstalks whacking my face . I thought I heard something behind me , but wasn 't sure . Eventually I left the cornfield and ran through the forest . My legs began to cramp and breathing became difficult . I had to stop , I didn 't want to pass out in the woods . I looked around me , trying to make out where I was . I was standing in a small three - sided ravine . There was a pretty large opening in the ravine , filled with nothing but dirt . The ravine suddenly lit up by a bright blue light . I looked up at the sky and saw a big silver ship . It looked like a giant sphere , with multiple blue lights circling the exterior . It made no noise and just hovered in place . Fear flooded me and I took off running in the other direction . Aliens are real ! What the hell am I going to do ? Paul was right about the lights . What if Grandad was a … These thoughts flooded through my mind as I ran back through the forest . I came to a large field and saw the house and the windmill in the distance . My eyes fell on the truck parked in front of the house . The truck ! Why didn 't I think of that before ! Once I got to the house I began to search for the keys . My adrenaline and excitement about leaving wore out when I saw the two dead bodies again . I was filled with anger and sadness again . Luckily I didn 't have to stay there long , as my Grandad had left the keys sitting on the kitchen counter . I quickly left the house and started up the truck . I took off down the road , not bothering to look back behind me . I as I drove silently down the dark road , I grew more nervous . I had just left two dead bodies behind me , and I had been the cause for one of them . No one would believe the story about the aliens either . My thoughts were interrupted when the radio began to blare static . Strange , I hadn 't even turned it on , and I know there would still be a signal out here , I thought to myself . Next the headlights flickered then turned off . Then the engine followed . The truck had come to a complete stop on the dark road , and I hadn 't even done anything , I tried to start the car again , but there was no result . I got out of the truck and put my head in the palms of my hands , sighing . What the hell am I going to do now ? I thought as I paced around the truck . I then noticed two blue eyes piercing the darkness down the road . The eyes belonged to the silhouette of a fox . And the silhouette got closer and closer . As it got closer , I began to recognize it as the same black fox I had seen earlier . It came within ten feet of me and stopped . " Get the hell away from me ! I don 't have anything you want ! " I shouted at the creature . The black fox opened its mouth and began to speak . " You killed them . They were both human . All it took from us was a little push or two . You found Paul . You convinced him to come back to your house tonight . " " Oh is it now ? Did you not plunge the knife into your Grandfather 's chest ? There was a reason he hesitated . He was going to set the axe down . He had been suffering through a lot of mental problems . He was isolated out here alone . Your Grandad had crossed the line at that point , and he had just realized it . " I wanted to burst out crying and beat the fox to death , but I only felt calm in its presence . I felt peaceful . A bright blue light began to illuminate the road . |
The day of my appointment came . It happened to land on Abigail 's birthday . I was anxious to know what the situation was with the baby . The doctor took me back to do an ultrasound . She was excited for me . As she was doing the ultrasound I heard her excitement fade . She looked and looked at the scan but said she could not see what she was looking for . She said if there was anything in there it was not eight weeks along . She sounded sad . She said her equipment wasn 't as good at the one at the ultrasound place so she gave me a slip to head over there . When I got there it was too full to be seen that day so I made an appointment for the next day . I felt a bit numb as I walked to the car . I couldn 't speak so I didn 't even call Aaron . I just kind of felt dull . It was happening again . That night was Abby 's birthday . I had planned to take her shopping but after the news the doctor had given me I did not feel like doing anything . When Aaron came home I explained what happened and he told me he 'd take care of Abby . He went and bought dinner for us and took her shopping . I laid in bed until they got home and then did my best to put on a brave face for my girl . In the morning I went into the ultrasound . The tech was the same one that had not found a heartbeat or growth on the baby earlier that year . I was just prepared to hear the same thing again . I had said my prayers that morning and put it in God 's hands . I was ready . Resigned . I must have looked very shocked because the tech looked confused . " Heartbeat ? Are you serious ? " I don 't think I 've ever felt that many emotions at once . Relief , shock , amazement , love , were just a few . My whole body shook as I burst into tears . Tears streamed as she assured me that there was a heartbeat . She asked me if I was okay . So I repeated what the doctor had told me the day before . She asked who my doctor was and I told her . She rolled her eyes and commented that it sounded like someone needed some more practice on the ultrasound machine . I was so relieved . I watched the heartbeat and listened to it . I hadn 't been wrong ! I was very much still pregnant ! I couldn 't believe it . I left the office feeling much better . Hooray ! I was 8 weeks pregnant ! And the baby was still there , with a beating heart ! When I got to the car I called Aaron . I started with the fact that we had a baby in there ! And we rejoiced together . Immediately after that he wondered how the doctor had missed that . I told him I didn 't know how I would keep going to her . She just wasn 't very skilled . We had a couple of other doctors in that practice as well . It was cheaper for us to use the doctors at Lourdes because they were in the system . I had interactions with another of the doctors that made me think working with him would not be enjoyable . Then as I was waiting in the ultrasound waiting room that morning I heard one of the other doctors employees talking to another lady about something the other doctor had said about her weight and the weight of others in the office . None of those things made me think that I 'd like to work with either of my other choices . For that day anyway we decided we 'd look into someone else to work with . Two more weeks went by and I didn 't want to visit the same doctor again . My sister Kim invited me to her house and we were talking . I had not told anyone yet and didn 't want to share it with her either . But as we were talking the subject of having more children came up and she asked me directly . " Are you going to have any more kids ? " I kind of stammered through my answer . I didn 't want to lie of course so I said , " Yes . " She looked at me in a knowing way and asked , Are you pregnant ? I kind of nodded and told her that I was ten weeks along . She got excited and I was excited too . I told her that we weren 't telling anyone so she agreed to keep it under wraps . I told her the story of my doctor and the ultrasound and looked alarmed . She know my history and knows that that was not going to work . She urged me to find another doctor . She insisted I needed a high risk doctor who could handle my complications and case . I agreed with her . She told me about Dr . Bahnmiller . Many of her friends had really liked him . We looked him up to check if he was covered by my insurance and found that he was . It didn 't take long for Aaron to see that it was important that I see another doctor . I can 't imagine how nervous I would have been if I had stayed with the other doctor . I made an appointment with Dr . Bahnmiller and immediately felt at ease . He was not Dr . Fine , who I had always loved and trusted but he was very good . He was always kind , knowledgeable and helpful . His staff was awesome , too . I knew it was the right fit . From then on I went to see Dr . Bahnmiller . One of my first appointments around 12 weeks he told me about some blood tests . Because I was of advanced maternal age it was recommended that we test the baby for down syndrome and other genetic problems . I knew that it would not change how I felt about the baby but I 've always thought that knowing was better than not knowing so that I have time to prepare . He also told me that one of the tests they could run would have the baby 's DNA and of course the DNA would tell us the sex of the baby . Since it was five years since I 'd been pregnant with Nathan this was new technology to me . And it was really exciting ! Now I have to say that I would have been happy with another boy if that is what had come to us . But there were so many things that made me want to have another girl . Abby had always wanted a sister . Having my own sisters I know how amazing that is and I wanted that for her . There was also all of those dreams and promptings that told us we had a girl out there that was supposed to be a part of our family . We waited to find out what the sex of our baby would be . We didn 't have to wait too long . On Tyler 's birthday , March 18th I had a doctors appointment early in the morning . They didn 't have any test results back yet but told me that they would call when they came in . I talked to Aaron telling him that I had not found out yet . Around four oclock that afternoon I got a call from the office . I was very anxious to hear . The nurse asked me if I wanted to know and I said yes of course . She said , are you ready ? And I was dying . Then she said , Congratulations , it 's a girl ! I think I squealed , and cried out at the same time . I knelt down by the bed . I shook as I said , " Are you kidding ? " then asked , " are you sure ? " She said , yes ! I said " Thank you so much ! " We both hung up and I knelt beside my bed as tears flowed and thanked my Heavenly Father for this great blessing . It was one of those moments that I don 't have words for . There have been so many moments during pregnancy when I have felt very low , almost to the point of despair . But this moment was as high a moment as I had ever felt . It was such a beautiful moment . Then I realized that I had a chance to tell Aaron what we were having . That had never happened before ! He had always been there at the ultrasound when we found out ! So how exciting ! I quickly got things together to run to the store . It was Tyler 's birthday so I had other things to get . But I was also concocting a surprise for Aaron and the family . I went to Walmart and bought a black bag with white tissue paper . I also bought a newborn outfit that was pink and a pink card . I wrote a note to Aaron that said , " Dear Daddy , You were right ! Love , Camille Elizabeth Martin " It was a fun night with Kim and her kiddos and Emily . Emily was kind enough to help me with the surprise . We had cake and ice cream and then right before they had to leave I got out the present . I had told Ty earlier that the present was actually for Dad and he was understanding . ( We got him something else earlier and he had a birthday party ) Aaron was very surprised when I handed it to him . I think I did well . This video captured the moment . Thank you to Emily for taking it for us ! Our baby girl was on the way ! All of our dreams were coming true ! And it was a very , very sweet moment that I will always remember . Hooray for Camille , Cami , Cammers ! Losing a pregnancy is painful . So Aaron and I made the decision not to talk about it again for a few months . We 'd just wait . Sometimes it is better to hold off certain conversations to let time heal a bit of the hurt . It 's just the way it is for us . So that is what we did . Life returned to normal . The kids started school . This was a big deal because Tyler and Abby had homeschooled the previous year . Now they were both in regular school full time . It was a huge change for me . As much as I enjoyed certain aspects of homeschooling it was also really stressful . I never felt caught up and I felt like I was failing to teach my kids what they needed to know . We worked hard but we prayfully decided that school was the right place for them both . And having more freedom through the day to get the house in shape added greatly to the peace of our home . It was lovely . During this time I took a lot of time to think and pray . Did I really need to have another baby ? Did I really want to ? Was it worth all the difficulty , the pain , the worry ? I really tried to look at it objectively but the fact was that I had felt for many years that we had a daughter somewhere . I used to have dreams that she was there with us . She looked different at times which made me think that it was possible she was coming by way of adoption . Aaron felt it , too . We had a name picked out for her . We knew just what we were going to call her . It just didn 't seem like things were going to come together . So the fall months started to fly by and in late October , early November we discussed what to do . We both agreed our feelings hadn 't changed about it and that we felt that we had one more child to bring into the world . So we decided that if nothing was happening by December that we would talk about it more . Aaron needed to have a minor surgery at the beginning of December . It was nothing major but needed to be done . He 'd need a few weeks to recover so he took some time off before Christmas to recuperate . Aaron is a lovely guy most of the time but Aaron in pain is no fun to be around . It was hard for me to see him in pain and not be able to help at all . After a few days I was on edge and felt really irritated with him . Now for most people that is probably normal but for me it really takes a lot . Unless I 'm pregnant . I realized that I might need to take a pregnancy test so I ran to the store and bought three . I always like to do that to take them over time . I was not surprised to see that the test was positive ! Hooray ! I was excited and I wanted to tell Aaron but he was in a LOT of pain . So I went down to comfort him and tell him I was sorry for being irritated with him . As we talked I just told him , I know this is really bad timing to tell you this but I 'm pregnant . He was happy but in pain and he said he wished I would have waited until after he 'd recovered a bit more before telling him . We decided that we were not going to tell anyone about the pregnancy . There was just too much emotion and worry that it would cause . I especially didn 't want my parents to know until I was sure that it was going to work out . That might sound strange but being that far away made it easier not to tell them . Just like missionaries don 't always tell their folks when things happen in the mission field , it seemed the most kind thing to not make them worry about me until we were absolutely sure that we had nothing to worry about . It was the first time in my whole life that I did not tell a soul I was pregnant . Only Aaron and I knew . I waited much longer to visit the doctor . I decided that because the majority of my miscarriages happened early on I would wait until I was eight weeks pregnant to go into the doctor . I prayed every morning and always turned the pregnancy over to God . I just said if you want this baby to be a part of our family , I am here and willing to bring it into the world . I put all of it in his Hands . It was a very peaceful feeling . I was feeling sick and nauseated most of the time so I knew that was a good sign . I made an appointment for my eighth week and let the time go by . I wondered how it would go but had faith that if it was to be , it would be . Those of you that have read this blog in the past will remember that our journey to and through mother and fatherhood has not always be easy . So some of you might be curious to know how , why and when we decided that we would add just one more treasured child to the Martin Family . This is the story of Camille Elizabeth Martin . After the birth of Nathan , my husband and I decided that we would put off discussing more children for a while . Our lives were very busy . And a bit stressful . Nathan was a dreamy little baby . Our older children loved him and we were happy being a family of five . For quite a few years I just put the idea of giving birth again on my shelf of never gonna happen dreams and enjoyed my family . The idea of having another baby was a very dear and precious dream but pregnancy was not . I loved my little crew and we had so many great times together as a family of five . There were some great changes happening , too . Aaron decided to work on his CPA exam . Having worked in financial planning for many years he was hoping to expand into someday using his accounting knowledge to help his clients with their accounting needs as well . A few things happened that put us on a different path and it has been a huge blessing for our family . Aaron was able to pass all of the levels of the CPA exam on his own . Anyone that has taken that test can tell you how challenging that is to do . Aaron decided that in order to provide more for his family he would look for work as a CPA somewhere . That along with his MBA in Finance opened doors for him that would not have been otherwise and he started working in Healthcare Finance . This allowed us to stabilize our income and brought newfound peace to a sometimes difficult earning situation . It was heavenly for me to know that we had a consistent income that we could count on . It really helped Aaron as well . Life improved in many ways . Aaron 's job in Spokane was good . It was a lot of hours . I spent my days homeschooling Abby and taking care of the other children while Aaron toiled away for long hours . Aaron started looking for a job that would be less hours than the job in Spokane and because Spokane has only a few jobs in healthcare finance we looked in other areas in Washington State . We didn 't tell many people that we were doing this but we traveled to a few interviews and Aaron was offered a good job I went to see a new doctor that had just started at Lourdes . She was kind but not as experienced as my former doctor . I told her my history . She recommended that I not get pregnant again but if I wanted to have another baby she would help me through it . After careful consideration and prayer we decided to try again . Just a month later I found out I was pregnant . It was a bit overwhelming to have it happen that quickly . I was nervous and anxious about the whole thing . It felt unlike other times I had been pregnant . I was constantly worried . I was not myself . Just a few weeks into the pregnancy I found out that the pregnancy had already ended . Although I had no outward signs the fetus had not grown beyond six or seven weeks . It was a missed miscarriage . I would have to have a D & C . We scheduled the D & C for the next week because we were going out of town . It was sad and very hard . We traveled to Utah to be with my family as my parents left for their three year mission to Moscow Russia where my dad would serve as a mission president . It was exciting to know that they would fulfill one of their dreams to serve a mission together but also sad because we would miss them so much . The night before they went into the MTC , I asked my dad for a priesthood blessing . There were many things shared with me that I will always remember . But one of the things I was blessed with was that I would be able to do things that I had never done before . It was very special , especially since I will not see my dad until he returns in 2016 . It was very comforting that even though I was unsure of the future or if we 'd be able to carry another child my father and my Heavenly Father loved me . The prospect of having more children after the difficulties with Tyler and Abby 's births was a difficult one to face . When Tyler was 2 and Abby was 5 it seemed to be the right time to start thinking about having more . Abby started Kindergarten in the fall of 2008 . She had developed well and really enjoyed school . There were little things that concerned us . Her class only met for half the day so her school day wasn 't long . Her teacher didn 't always inform us when she would disrupt the class and unfortunately it seemed to be more often than not that she would interrupt . Not in a destructive or mean way but she had a difficult time staying on task and focusing on the work at hand . I wasn 't greatly concerned because she was young and learning more all the time . We made it all the way through Kindergarten with glowing reports of her progress in school . She loves to learn and we were happy with her progress . She started reading and very quickly excelled in her class . It was great to see her succeed and to have the chance to get to learn with her . She loved her teacher and her classmates . As a full - time mom , I looked forward to first grade when she could be in school for a whole six hours a day ! : ) This time was very good for us . Tyler was growing and doing very well . Abby loved school and her activities . I was busy with working as a Primary President in my ward and loving that calling . It took up time but was also really rewarding , giving me the opportunity to work with the children at church and wonderful teachers and counselors . I had been feeling that the time was right to have another baby . Aaron and I have always been in sync when that decision has been made but because of my other experiences with my pregnancies I was worried that there would be problems . Feeling that we needed to add to our family and feeling the help of our Heavenly Father in that decision made all the difference for me . I was reminded that he was with us and that there would be something wonderful at the end . I made it through the first three or four months with no problem . I was careful with what I ate and went about daily life busily driving Abby back and forth to school and keeping up with the household chores . Even with all of the problems that we have had being pregnant is a great time for me . I don 't get really sick mostly just tired . After a few months my blood pressure began to rise to the point that Dr . Fine had me take blood pressure medication and put me on partial bed rest . He encouraged me not to put any strain on myself and to bring my schedule to only necessary activities . I knew that it meant that I would have a difficult time keeping up with my calling . I had amazing counselors and I 'm sure that they could have taken up the reigns with no problem but I felt better knowing that someone else would have the responsibility while I went through that time . It was hard not to get to continue with a calling that I enjoyed so much . On February 13th , Aaron 's dad passed away suddenly . It was a difficult time for all of us . Abby and I had seen him two days before at the store and hadn 't known that anything was wrong . It was hard to explain to the kids that he was gone and that he wouldn 't be back . We decided during that time that if our baby was a boy we would name him after Mel . Mel didn 't really like his first name Melvin much so we decided instead to use his middle name Richard as a remembrance . In April or May Aaron came to me with the idea that we should move into a house of our own . We had been renting for a while . I was hesitant to move while on partial bed rest but Aaron assured me that it would take just a little time to get everything in place and then we would be able to move a few months before the baby was born and have everything ready by the time he got home . So we went in search of houses in our area to buy in our price range . We found the one we liked and bid on it and started the paperwork at the first of May . Being first time homebuyers we didn 't realize the amount of time it would take for everything done and it took until the middle of July to have everything go through . My blood pressure threatened to turn into preeclampsia and Dr . Fine ordered strict bed rest at my regular doctors visit . I was at 35 weeks like I had been with Tyler so I knew that he was not in great danger but I hoped beyond hope that I could make it all the way to 38 weeks . That was the day that we found out the closing date of our house ! I was on strict bed rest and I had almost my whole house to pack ! Yikes ! Fortunately , my very good friends were there for me . Many in the ward ( particularly my friend Heather Paris ) had been on watch asking me all the time when I needed help from the ward . It was great to have so many people concerned with my well being . When the time came they were ready with a coalition of friends and ward members to come to my house . Not only did they come with boxes they were ready to pack and clean and they made me lay down on the couch the whole time and just direct them to what needed to be done . My mom and sister - in - law helped with the kids so we could get everything prepared . In just two days they had the new house cleaned and my house packed up to move to the new house . Then other family members and friends helped Aaron move everything into the new house for our first night there . That night I remember laying down in my bed with all of my things around me and thanking God for the blessing of people that were willing to help us . I don 't know what we would have done without their love and support . Every week that went by was a blessing once again but there were no problems . I was able to stay down most of the time so my blood pressure stayed down and I was in all other ways healthy . I was always cautiously optimistic that I would be able to carry full term but I waited for the other shoe to drop . I just expected for there to be problems . But thankfully no problems came our way . On August 11 , 2009 I delivered Nathan Richard Martin a full - term 7 pound 10 ounce fully grown baby boy ! The mood in that operating room was nothing like my two previous c - sections . Everyone was laughing and talking to each other , cracking jokes and having fun . Dr . Fine told them about my two previous pregnancies and one of the nurses piped up with , " This is what having a full - term non complicated delivery feels like ! " That made me smile and then it made me cry . After Nathan was born they brought him to me , no need for oxygen . I got to see him and kiss his head before Aaron went with him to the nursery . When they left I laid there and silently cried for joy that we had made it so far with a healthy boy ! One of the nurses noticed that I was crying and asked me if I was okay . I told her that I was and added , " I 'm not used to this ! " The surgical team all laughed and got me ready to go back to my room to recover . It was the oddest , most peaceful feeling to have them bring Nathan into the room . I was almost overwhelmed with the simple joy of it . No need for doctors and nurses and constant care for him . He was ready for just me and his daddy . I was oblivious to pain or discomfort it was just Nathan and I , cuddling , nursing , just us together . No need for bottles or feeding tubes or IV 's or ventilators . No need for care times when I could stay only a few minutes . It was beautiful just as every birth should be . A healthy baby , a mom and a dad . Who knew something so simple could bring such joy ? That night was magical for me . It might sound silly but I did not put him down all night . I held him in my arms and on my chest . I didn 't sleep very soundly but I didn 't care . It was just the two of us hanging out . I watched him while he slept counted all of his fingers and toes . Watched him make all kinds of faces while he slept . Beautiful baby boy . After all those nights and days in the hospital with Abby and Ty this experience was like heaven on earth . I finally had the chance to experience something " normal " and I savored every single minute . We stayed for a few days and had many come to rejoice with us , including my entire book club , friends , and family . The day came when it was time to go home . And we did . Without discharge classes or apnea tests . We drove home slowly . Joyfully . Together . Every pregnant lady knows this drill . You walk into your doctor 's office and get your blood pressure taken and they test your urine . Do you know why this is a necessary occurrence for all pregnant ladies ? I didn 't until my 34 week of pregnancy with my second child . I had been on partial bed rest for quite a few weeks because my blood pressure had been higher than normal . I had always had normal blood pressure up until this time so I didn 't think anything of it . I had not been anywhere near 34 weeks pregnant with Abby so this stage of pregnancy was totally new to me . Abby was at my mom 's house hanging out with Grandma . She had just turned 3 years old in January . She was a beautiful , sweet and vibrant girl and anxiously awaiting her baby brother 's birth . We were all very excited ! I had started to swell quite a bit . Another rather normal symptom of pregnancy . I kept off my feet as much as possible but I had a busy three - year - old to take care of . I cut down on my sodium intake and hoped for the best . At my 34 week appointment I went into see Dr . Fine . I had been experiencing mild headaches for days and felt very , very tired all of which I attributed to being so far along in my pregnancy . When I walked into the back of the office they took my blood pressure and urine sample . I can 't remember the number for my blood pressure but it was very high for me and I was surprised . Dr . Fine 's nurse Jody took me in to lay down . After at least ten minutes of laying on my left side , she took my blood pressure again . It was a little lower but still really high . She went back to find Dr . Fine and he came in . Dr . Fine is always really calm and has a way of breaking news to me that I can take pretty well . He told me that with the high blood pressure and the amount of protein in the urine I would need to be admitted to the hospital so they could monitor the amount of protein and my blood pressure . When there is protein in the urine it indicates that the kidneys are not able to function very well . Higher levels of protein in the urine indicate that the kidneys are starting to shut down . I realized it was serious when he told me I wouldn 't even be able to go home to change my clothes or pack anything . He asked me about headaches and I told him that I had a few through the week . Also I had occasionally and more regularly seen stars when I stood up . He looked grim and said they would monitor me but I needed to prepare to have my baby a little early . Under the circumstances I took that pretty well . I knew what having an early baby was like and even if I needed to have the baby that day I knew that 34 weeks was not anything like 28 weeks . Jody gave me a big hug and told me that she was sorry this was happening . She is always so kind to me . Dr . Fine told me he would be up to see me soon . I went to drive my car around to the other side of the hospital and park where there was overnight parking . I called my mom and told her what was going on . She told me that Abby was welcome to stay with her until we knew what was happening . Then I called Aaron and for the first time broke down in tears and told him that they were admitting me . He told me not to worry and that he would be by as soon as he could . I was in the hospital for four days . I wasn 't allowed out of bed except to go to the bathroom and sleep was hard because I was in bed all day . Even with all of that my blood pressure continued to rise . They took it hourly day and night . I couldn 't eat very much because at any time my blood pressure could spike and they would need to deliver the baby by c - section . I tried to keep my spirits up but I felt sad and sick because I couldn 't be home and waiting the rest of the time . I was happy to get that far but sad not to get all the way to the end . They pumped me full of fluid to keep me hydrated . I felt like I shouldn 't be exhausted but I was . I have never felt so sick in my life . Finally on March 17th my blood pressure was still very high and the amount of protein that I was spilling was a lot higher than when I had come in . Dr . Fine came to see me and sat down on my bed to tell me that I would need to deliver in the morning . He also told me that he would be transferring me to Deaconess so that I could deliver there . They had been giving me steroids to aid the development of Tyler 's lungs but there were still possibilities of problems because he would be delivered via c - section . The birthing process aids babies born naturally to be prepared to breathe on their own . C - section babies tend to have more difficulties with breathing after birth because of this . I was very grateful that Dr . Fine had the caring and forethought to have us moved up there . He knew that if there were problems Tyler I would be transferred to either Sacred Heart or Deaconess for NICU care . This way we would not be separated . That night was particularly difficult for me . Aaron had stayed home to be with Abby for one more night and I was alone with my thoughts . I felt very lonely and was worried for the baby . I worried that he would have to stay in the hospital . You would think that having Abby in the hospital would have prepared me to leave another one in the hospital and maybe it did to a certain extent . I still did not want to deliver early and was more worried about him than I was about myself . I was still very down and talked with my dad on the phone that night . He talked with me and prayed with me and made it easier for me to sleep . We traveled in the ambulance to Deaconess the next morning and went directly to the delivery room . Just as it had been with Abby the room was quiet and full of anticipation . It was not nearly as tense for me because I felt very strongly that he would be okay but it was still a relief to hear him cry . Aaron left with him to go to the NICU . We knew the drill and he was able to follow him back with no problem . I was taken to my room to recover . With preeclampsia delivering the baby is suppSlowly through the day and night my numbers improved . They took my blood pressure so often that they didn 't even take the cuff off of me and sleep was not easy . I don 't remember seeing Tyler that day except in the pictures . I wasn 't well enough to get up out of bed to do it anyway . Details of that time are very spotty for me . I remember only waking up periodically to see Aaron studying diligently in the corner and the occasional nurse that came to check on me . Later that night I remember telling someone about the rash that I had and their surprise at how bad it was . Aaron left for a little while to have dinner and four nurses came to help me get clean . It was a little painful for me but it felt so nice to be cooled down and to have my hair washed that I didn 't care . It had been about a week since I could get up out of bed and I 'm sure I looked pretty terrible . Nurses are amazing like that . They helped me so much that night . I felt pretty helpless because I had just had a c - section and was sick enough that moving was difficult but they took really good care of me . They gave me a new bed with clean sheets and clean clothes to change into and I felt much better . I started to feel better as my blood pressure went down . I don 't remember how long it took for it to get back to normal but it took longer than it was supposed to . Dr . Fine was off for a day and his partner Dr . Brasch came to see me . I remember that he came in and told me that I needed to buck up and get better or he would not let me see my baby the next day and that I needed to work harder at getting well . I 'm sure this was meant to be encouraging but at the time it was infuriating . I am rarely openly ticked at people but I gave him some saucy words in return . What more did he want me to do ? It 's not like I was forcing my blood pressure up at will . I 'm sure he was trying to tick me off so I would fight a little more but I was seriously done . I wanted Dr . Fine back . Don 't mess with a mommy in pain , mister . Finally they moved me out of the recovery room and IThe only other side effect of that really high blood pressure was some eye damage . I had a few blank spots in my vision . It was very strange because I could see everything clearly but there were white spots where there was nothing but white . It was odd for me but it went away after about three months . It was a relief to know that it was not permanent . Abby came to see me with her Grandma and Grandpa Martin and we were able to show her pictures of her brother . She was so cute and wanted to see him . I was able to go home after four days in the hospital and recover . Leaving Tyler in the hospital was heart wrenching but easier because I knew that he would not be there as long as Abby had been . I tried to make a joke about it by saying that I needed the nurses to get him on a schedule before we brought him home . It did give me time to heal before he came home but obviously I would have preferred for him to come home with us . Tyler was doing well and his experience in the NICU was much shorter than Abby 's . It was nice to be there with him and feed him . It was also cool to visit with the doctors and nurses once again . He was transferred over to the feeding and growing nursery after just a few days . He didn 't have the problems with getting tired that Abby did and he could take a bottle and breast feed with no problem . He was still having central apnea spells which prevented him from going home but he was ready to come home in every other way . They told us to plan on him being there for at least a week and they slowly added on more time . Every time that he would be scheduled to go home the next day he would have another apnea spell and have to stay longer . It was a process that we were used to but it was still difficult because life was on hold again and we wanted things to return to normal . Finally everything was ready to go . I had been scheduled to deliver him at 38 weeks on the 7th of April . That was the day that we brought him home from the hospital . We celebrated and took pictures with Abby , Aaron and Tyler all deckePosted by As days turned into months and months into years Abby grew quickly and well . She started out in the 2nd percentile for her age at birth . For months she remained steadily growing at the 2nd percentile curve on the growth chart steadily gaining a little bit of growth in percentage until around her third birthday . She was finally up in the 1oth percentile in weight and height . It was awesome ! She used a bottle a little longer than most babies until she was about 13 or 14 months . She was followed closely to watch her growth and they gave me recommendations that I wasn 't sure of like adding butter to her food and giving her only whole milk . I felt strongly that she would continue to catch up by herself so I listened to what they suggested but did not put butter in her food . I also educated myself by reading studies about premature babies and obesity later in life and I decided that I also felt like as long as she was a healthy eater and was getting consistent meals that eventually everything would work out . Around her first birthday , Aaron and I started to discuss having more children . We both wanted more kids and felt that it was important for our family to give Abby a sibling and also what God wanted us to do . We had been reassured that what had happened with Abby was unlikely to happen again . Through a lot of prayer and reassurance we started to try again to have a baby . I became pregnant and miscarried that baby at about seven weeks . It was very difficult for me . With my first miscarriage I had not been able to see the heartbeat . With this baby I was there for an ultrasound early on and saw the heartbeat . At the second ultrasound at about seven weeks the heartbeat was not there . It is an emotional and trying experience to miscarry but I took a lot of solace in the fact that I had Abby and could try again . It took me a few months to prepare myself for another try . There was a lot going on at the time . Aaron had finished under grad and we moved to Kennewick , Washington so that he could open a store for his dad 's winI lost this second pregnancy at eight weeks gestation . Again , I had been to the doctor early and seen the baby 's heartbeat . It was very discouraging and disheartening when I began to bleed and lost the baby . It felt like I was broken and I was frustrated and sad . I again found solace in Abby . She was growing well and doing well and I decided that I needed to wait a little while to try again . It is hard to explain such feelings and I 'm not sure I can do them justice . The kind of loss that is associated with miscarriage is hard to explain and to deal with at times . I found a lot of comfort in the fact that I could get pregnant but staying pregnant seemed to elude me . I had faith but I was weary of the losses and I felt that we weren 't receiving the promised blessings of another child . It was a very sad time for me . We moved back to Spokane shortly after this and Aaron began a new job with Washington Mutual . It was a good time for us . Abby was delightful . So cute and smart . She learned how to talk and was really good at singing songs with me . She also was great at entertaining herself and making messes like any two - year - old . She loved to watch Dragon Tales . My days were spent being her mom , taking care of the household chores and doing church callings . I was happy to see her doing so well . In the summer of 2005 I found out that I was expecting again . I was excited but apprehensive about whether or not this pregnancy would last . I was happy to be able to go back to Dr . Fine and his staff . It felt so nice to be back with people who I didn 't have to explain things to and who knew what had happened with Abby and my two miscarriages . They were so understanding and supportive of us . I began the same order of blood tests and ultrasounds as I had previously . When a pregnancy is healthy those numbers should double every 48 hours . With my two miscarriages we had started to see problems with the pregnancy in the sixth and seventh week . Our families were supportive of this process and it was nice to have people who cared . We didn 't tell many people that we were pregnant because we had learned from sad experience that it is more difficult to deal with miscarriage when too many people know . Another development that occurred during this time was having my sister Kim see Dr . Fine . Kim had a baby the year before with Dr . Fine as her doctor and he knew her history . It helped him to see that there might be a connection with the problems that I was having also . It involved low progesterone levels during the early part of the pregnancy . He gave me progesterone to take to see if it might help stave off a possible miscarriage . After the first blood test my pregnancy hormones were rising but at the second blood test Dr . Fine called me very concerned . He told me that my number wasn 't lowering but it was not rising as quickly as he would have liked aWhen I got off the phone I immediately went to my room and knelt by the bed . The two previous losses had been so hard that I couldn 't fathom a third . I poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father and told him that if he ever wanted me to have another baby that I needed to keep this pregnancy . I was just too weary for anymore loss . That night , my dad and Aaron gave me a blessing and I was assured through that blessing that he would be okay and that he would be healthy and strong but not without challenges . My dad kept referring to the baby as he or him and we questioned him afterward to see if he had felt that it would be a boy . He joked , saying that he wasn 't going to guarantee it but that they were the words he was told to use . I felt the Spirit confirm that and I had no doubt that this baby inside would survive . Blood tests confirmed that things were going well again and I told Dr . Fine about the blessing and prayers that we had said . He is a man of faith and was happy that he had been wrong . I felt very good through most of my pregnancy . Abby was into everything at that point so I was constantly running after her . Luckily , we lived in a small apartment with little furniture so she had plenty of room to run around in . Every day at about three o ' clock in the afternoon I would fall asleep for a little while . I was never exactly sure when it would happen but I prepared for it by making sure that she was fed and safe before I laid down . I was determined to be as healthy as possible during this time so after the first few months of pregnancy when I felt the danger of miscarriage had past I would go to the mall to walk around and get exercise . Most days I was really tired . Our days were good . Time went by quickly and every minute , week and month that went by felt like a gift . The 28th week passed quietly and I breathed a sigh of relief . As did the 30th , 31st , 32nd and 33rd . At the 34th week a new challenge would be presented that would make this pregnancy a different test for our family and especially for me . I was in Posted by It might be helpful at this point to explain how you characterize the age of a premature baby . Unlike a newborn who is born on time it would be inaccurate to expect a three months premature baby to do the same things that a fully grown newborn can do . There would never be a way for that baby to " catch up " . This is called adjusted age vs . chronological age . So in adjusted age Abby 's newborn status would not start until she was 3 months old , she would be considered 3 months old when she was 6 months old , 6 months old at 9 months old and so forth . For development purposes this is how they determine her adjusted age . They stop this practice once the baby reaches 2 years old . Most babies , " catch up " by this time and track pretty well developmentally with kids their own chronological age . Abby continued to develop well . She was assessed for any problems and was followed closely for the first two years to ensure that she had the proper intervention if needed . We had awesome people in our corner including occupational and physical therapists , dietitians , doctors and nurses . We were happy to see that there were not huge difficulties for her developmentally . Many times with such small babies there are problems with development . One of Abby 's issues was heightened muscle tone that made her stiff and super strong . Abby 's abdominal muscles would be the envy of any super athlete . We would do exercises with her legs and arms to straighten them out . We used to laugh at the way she would sleep . She would sleep on her back with her hands out in front of her stiffly up in the air like Frankenstein 's monster . Over time and with exercises , this tendency lessened and her overall flexibility improved . One of the other side effects from months in the NICU was that because her head was constantly put to the side her head was elongated . This we slowly improved by cushioning her head so that she could look straight forward while sleeping . This improved the shape of her head immensely and now her head is beautifully shaped . Thank goodness fAbby is a determined kid . On the day she turned 6 months old she rolled over for the first time not just one way but both ways . First from her belly to her back and then from her back to her tummy . She started standing up next to the couch when she was about 8 months old . She was still so little that it was a funny sight to see a baby that was just about 10 pounds standing up next to the couch . She was really strong . Tummy time seemed to be particularly uncomfortable early on I would assume because of the tube in her tummy . She would get very mad when we would put her on her tummy . Once she started turning over she solved that problem quickly by turning over on her back . She still wanted to be able to move around so she solved that by turning to her back and scooting around the floor by pushing her legs and arching her back and for a long time this is how she moved across the carpet . She learned to crawl by the time she was 10 months . She has always been determined to do her thing , her way and this was no exception although there were times I wished she could see where she was going so she didn 't hurt herself by running into the couch or the TV stand . This also gave her a very attractive bald spot on the back of her head . Abby at 5 months old Her eyes were good most of the time but at other times they wandered substantially . One of the dangers of not treating a wandering eye is that the good eye will become too dominant and make the weaker eye eventually go blind if left untreated . She hated the patches and would always try to pull them off so we had to resort to some eye drops that helped dilate her eyes . Her first surgery did a lot to help her see . She was always a smiley baby but after her eye surgery she was really able to interact better with us . It was a marvelous thing ! Abby was so small that preemie clothes didn 't fit her for a long time . In the hospital she didn 't wear clothes for a long time because nothing was small enough . She had blankets that she was wrapped up in and a warming bed so that she was nice and warm . By the time she got out of the hospital , she weighed just 5 lbs 6 oz . Huge compared to what she had started out as but still very small for a normal baby . Finding clothes for her was difficult at first but we slowly collected them during her months in the hospital . We also had two baby showers for her and we received many outfits . She was still in size 6 - 9 months when she was a year old so each of her clothes got plenty of wear . What a little cutie pie ! The months flew by once Abby was home and there were many changes in store for us . We were so happy to have our girl home and it was time to think about growing our family again . Home was everything we had hoped for and more . It was also challenging . When you bring a baby like Abby home you worry about every little thing . You sometimes wish for monitors so you can see that she is doing okay . Luckily , we had purchased a co - sleeper which is a bed that attaches directly to our bed and is level with our sleeping surface so if in the night I became worried about her I could reach over and feel her breathe in and out without disturbing her . Sometimes while Aaron slept I would watch her in the semi - darkness and see her little face as she slept and my heart would feel joy . Abby and I woke up frequently for feedings but the mixture of breast milk and formula sustained her through the night most of the time . It might sound odd but I actually slept better with Abby home . Night time was the hardest time for me while she was in the hospital . Life got into a daily routine of feedings , appointments , and the daily work around the house . One good thing about all those months in the hospital was that Abby was already on a very consistent schedule . Any mom will tell you how nice it is when you know when to expect your baby to be hungry . Abby 's meal being warmed up and Abby isn 't happy ! You can see how big the preemie clothes still were on her . We were assigned a home health nurse and also a dietitian . The nurse was very helpful but we determined together that the dietitian could monitor her eating because there was a lot of repetitive care . The nurse commented that she wasn 't used to working with parents like us and it made me sad to think of the babies like Abby with moms who were less diligent in their care . I had seen some of those moms in the NICU . I was grateful to be able to stay home with Abby and take care of her needs . Our dietitian was great . She came weekly to weigh Abby and take her measurements and talk about how her eating was going . We also went to the Feeding Clinic up near Sacred Heart to see if they could aid Abby 's efforts with the bottle . She was still not taking her bottles but liked to breastfeed . She was getting stronger and continued to gain weight . We worked together to help her grow . There were times that the issue of breastfeeding became difficult . I felt that because Abby was more able to do it that we needed to continue doing it no matter how much milk she was actually getting . I felt that she was getting a good amount of milk and I would always make sure she also did the bottle for a few feedings a day . It might be hard to believe that a baby can 't figure out how to use a bottle correctly but that is what was happening . It was like the part of her brain that could do that hadn 't turned on yet . Abby and Daddy snoozing together . Ahh , the joys of home ! Later that summer we attended the Martin Family reunion for the first time . It was fun getting to know all of the family and we had a great time showing Abby off . Up until that point she was still not taking a full feeding by bottle and she was 7 months old . Can you imagine how long we would have been in the hospital if we had chosen not to do the surgery ? At the reunion it was like a switch turned on in Abby 's brain . I fed her from the bottle and she took the whole feeding by mouth . I was sitting with Aaron at the time and we were so excited . We waited for the next feeding and she did it again ! Our baby could eat ! Hooray ! She still needed the tube sometimes when she was tired but she soon became able to take all of her meals by mouth . It is amazing how something that is so easy for everyone else had been her biggest obstacle . The dietitian found that she was growing steadily so she was getting enough from bottle and breast and we no longer needed to use the tube in her tummy and we no longer needed weekly visits from the dietitian . It was a relief to claim a little bit more time . In November , we were able to take her in to have the tube removed and she has been eating well and growing steadily ever since . The only other issues medically that Abby has had since being discharged from the NICU is a problem with her eyes . As she developed , her eyes began to cross and wander ( amblyopia and strabismus ) . We patched her eyes to strengthen the muscles in them . Dr . Christina Nye is her eye doctor and determined that she was in need of eye surgery to adjust the muscles in her eyes and straighten her eyes out . Abby has so far had surgery three times to correct this , one when she was eleven months old , another around two and another when she was five . After the months in the hospital these outpatient surgeries have felt routine and hardly worth mentioning . She continues to see Dr . Nye every 4 - 6 months and has good vision in both of her eyes with glasses . Both amblyopia and strabismus can happen to all kids and are not necess Our first family picture in December 2003 . Abby 's eyes are much straighter . She is wearing a dress that is for 6 - 9 month old . She is 11 months old . After all this time has passed no one just meeting Abby suspects that any of these events took place . Sometimes they wonder about her behavior and I do my best to explain these circumstances of her birth and development to them . There is rarely time to share her whole story and to explain just how amazing she is . I hope in some way that these words that I have written about her will serve to help others understand Abby better . These experiences have made her who she is today . I realize all the time that I have a lot to learn from her and I am so grateful that I get to do that every day . |
I had a topic in the questions area as to where I can share my story ideas . I was mainly told the Be The Booker Section . So far I have two WWE stories , one that is completed and one that I 'm currently working on . I could send a link for Fanfiction . net , but I just thought I 'd copy and paste to save everyone the trouble . So the first thing I 'm going to do is post the summary and the first chapter of the first WWE story I did . I 'll go ahead and say that I think the first two or three chapters were hard to get into . Also Since this is a separate idea let me know if you think I should create a new thread for my other story . I think this is the best way for my stories to get the most attention . This is for anyone who really likes to read . Also this is a Dean Ambrose , OC ( Made up character ) and Bray Wyatt story . On Fanfiction . net I actually started this story before the Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt feud even started . So in my first WWE story my OC is a woman by the name of Abby . Because of her parents she has a bit of trust issues , but develops a crush on Dean Ambrose . She is a new Diva and someone else has their eyes on her . Bray Wyatt finds her in ring strength to be amazing . Just to be clear . . . Abby and Bray Wyatt are not romantically involved . He sees something in her , her troubled past and offers to help her . He wants her to be his Sister Abigail . Sometimes she will be called Abby and other times she will be called Abigail . Abby had only been in the WWE for about a few months so her wrestling skills were still improving . When she was out in front of the WWE Universe she had to act like she hated everyone . She used anger and hatred to hype up during a match , but sometimes she would get a little too angry and she would end up losing , most of the time by disqualification . In the divas locker room she didn 't hate anyone but she didn 't really talk to people . Most of the time they only worried about the divas matches , but sometimes they would be watching certain guys during important matches like PPV matches . For the most part the divas hung out with the other divas and the guys usually hung out with the guys . They were watching Daniel Bryan vs Dean Ambrose . Abby was still new to the roster so she was still learning faces with names . She heard Daniel Bryan 's name quite often so she knew who he was . Also when she would be getting ready for a match she would sometimes see him and Brie Bella talking . During the match with Daniel Bryan vs Dean Ambrose she couldn 't help but stare at Dean Ambrose . At the time she didn 't really know Dean Ambrose so she decided to talk to Brie . The next night on Raw backstage Abby was warming up for her match and she saw a few of the guys also warming up . She didn 't know it but as part of his character she saw Dean Ambrose in a bad mood . She watched what the other guys did when Dean was yelling and throwing a fit . Dean picked up a weight and threw it against the wall . The guys that were there heard him yell at them telling them to leave . They ran as he picked up another weight and threatened to throw it at someone . One of the guys that was running wasn 't paying attention to where he was going and he ran right into her . She got a better look at the guy that ran into her . It was Zack Ryder . " Oops sorry . That was SICK ! He 's a lunatic . Now I get why they call him the Lunatic Fringe . If I were you I 'd turn around and run . " Abby was kind of scared , but at the same time amazed at the strength of Dean Ambrose . The weight he threw had to have at least been sixty five pounds or more . She wasn 't sure if she was going to say anything , but Zack Ryder and the rest of the locker room cleared out . They did not want to be on Dean Ambrose 's bad side . She listened as he talked to himself . What she didn 't know was that there were hidden cameras around and he was cutting a promo . She was hiding around the corner of a wall , but he seemed to notice her anyway . " I had him beat . . . I can beat you Daniel Bryan ! Last night you got lucky . . . I 'll admit , I was off my game for just a second , but I guarantee you this . . . If I face you here tonight I won 't only beat you here in your hometown , but when I 'm done with you . . . You 're going to wake up feeling like something is missing . That 's because I 'm going to rip off that stupid beard off your face . . . and I 'm going to burn it . " He didn 't even get a good look at her . He thought she was one of the guys , he was about to run after whoever he thought it was that was there , but as soon as she knew he spotted her she ran out as fast as she could . She looked back and was glad that he wasn 't following her . She tried to remember what Brie told her that it could have just been part of his character . That 's when she thought she remembered seeing a camera somewhere . She tried to calm down , she listened as her heart rate slowed down to it 's normal pace . She thought to herself . ( Ok so don 't come near him when he 's angry . He could have been cutting a promo or something , but either way I think it would be better if you stay away from the guys locker room . But still . . . throwing that weight was pretty impressive . ) Despite being terrified of him she was attracted to him at the same time . She still wasn 't sure if she wanted to meet him . If she was going to meet him she would have to make sure it was on a day when he was in a better mood . Dean Ambrose was thrilled when he found out he was going to have his rematch . He would love nothing more than beating Daniel Bryan in his own hometown . Abby made sure that he calmed down before she would spy on him . She wanted to watch him as he warmed up . It had only been a few minutes and he had sweat running down his hair to his chest and arms . She wasn 't going to deny it , she thought he was hot , especially when he 's working out . She realized she had been standing there too long because this time she knew he saw her . " Oh you 're a girl , I thought you were a guy . I was about to come after you . What are you doing in here ? This is the guys locker room . " He leaves the locker room and is ready for the match . All he had to do was wait for his entrance music and wait to enter the ring area . She leaves the locker room and went back to the diva 's locker room . She was told that she would have a match later that night against Rosa Mendez . It would be the match just before the main event , which happened to be Daniel Bryan vs Dean Ambrose . She was excited , but nervous at the same time , she would always get that nervous feeling right before a match . Finally it came time for her match . For the majority of the match they were both pretty evenly matched , but at the last minute Abby performs a kick similar to Sweet Chin Music , then lifts Rosa in the air and slams her to the mat for the pin . The Ref counted to three and Abby won . There was a mixed reaction for her because she was still new and had more to prove . Some were impressed by her strength and cheered because she wasn 't like all the other divas that liked dressing up and putting on make up . She was a tomboy . Another thing that set her apart from the rest of the divas was that she never even really talked to the guys or even really looked at them . Even though her match was over she wanted to see the main event . JBL , Cole , and Jerry all wondered why she was still out there , but she decided to sit and do commentary with them . There was a few moments of silence as Daniel Bryan 's music hit and he came out . Then the arena erupted with Yes chants as they all chanted Yes with Daniel Bryan . Then Dean Ambrose 's music hit . There were a few cheers for him , but most people booed him since they were in Daniel Bryan 's hometown . Abby commented on this . " These two did put on a great match last night , but Daniel Bryan got the win simply because Dean Ambrose wasn 't completely focused . Tonight is a different night . I doubt he will make the same mistake twice . " She didn 't really say much after that and she didn 't even really pay attention to anything they had to say . She was too busy watching the match . At one point Daniel Bryan pushed Dean Ambrose into the corner and his shoulder went straight into the ring post . Everyone could hear him yelling out in pain . Abby closed her eyes as this happened . Michael Cole noticed her reaction and questioned her about it . " So what if I do , so what if I don 't ? It 's none of anyone 's business . Shouldn 't you guys be calling the match instead of worrying about my personal love life ? " As JBL , Cole , and Jerry called the rest of the match , Abby didn 't say anything else , she wasn 't going to say anything else . Dean Ambrose had control of the match and was looking around at everyone sitting in the arena . The crowd wasn 't completely for Daniel Bryan anymore . Dean Ambrose was giving them an amazing match and he was sure he had at least half of the crowd cheering for him . Abby couldn 't help but smile at this , it was better than the reaction he first got . Then when Dean Ambrose saw her sitting with JBL , Cole , and Jerry , a look of confusion came over him . He was wondering what she was doing out there . He had met her backstage , but was wondering himself if maybe she had a crush on him , but he quickly pushed that thought aside and refocused his attention to Daniel Bryan . He was not going to make the same mistake twice by being distracted . Daniel Bryan almost hit the running knee on him again but he saw it coming and ducked out of the way . Then he grabs Daniel Bryan by the head and hits Dirty Deeds on him and pins him for the win . Most of the crowd was upset and started booing him again because they couldn 't believe he beat Daniel Bryan in his hometown . Some people cheered for him because they enjoyed the match , and some people were just Ambrose fans . Abby left the commentary table and cheered as she entered the ring as the ref raised his hand in the air . She grabbed his hand and raised it herself . It was hard to understand each other over the crowd but they tried talking to each other . Dean gave her a confused look like he didn 't know what was going on . " Ok so there was the answer to my question . Obviously she has a crush on Dean Ambrose . You can tell by the way she 's looking at him and how she reacted through this whole match . " " Are you kidding me Michael ? They 're obviously really good friends , but by the looks of it , I don 't think Dean Ambrose wants anything to do with her . Maybe she 's just about as crazy as he is . " Ok so I have two likes , but no comments . On another forum I 'm part of there is a rule about posting twice . It feels kind of weird posting after myself since no one replied to my first chapter , but I saw likes so I guess I 'll post chapter two . Later that week on Friday Night Smackdown Abby felt a little more comfortable around Dean Ambrose since she talked to him a little bit on Raw . Dean wasn 't in the main event for Friday but she still planned on watching him during his match . She had a match before him , but he was still warming up ahead of time and she liked to watch him warm up before it was time for her match . Even though she had her eyes on Dean Ambrose she kept having second thoughts on if she should trust him . The last thing she would want is for her crush on him to be obvious and him not feel the same way . She 's never had a boyfriend before because she always had trust issues . She didn 't want to end up like her mom and end up with failed marriages and relationships . She never even got to know her dad growing up because he left her mom before she was even born . She was filled with sadness and hatred towards her dad . From what her mom told her about him he was a drinker anyway and he ran around with other women . She shook away those old thoughts and memories and re - focused her mind on her upcoming match . Tonight she had a match against Naomi . She faced Naomi once before but lost because at the time she was still new to the roster . She knew Naomi was a tough opponent , but hoped that her win from Monday was enough to motivate her to do good tonight . She thought about how her dad had wronged her and her mom and decided she would use that pain and hatred to him and focus it on the match . She didn 't hate Naomi , she just wanted to win the match . During the match the people in the crowd and even JBL , and Michael could tell that there was something different about her . They continue commentary as the match went on . At some point Abby got a little too confident and Naomi caught her by surprise as she rolls her up for the pin . The count was faster than she was used to and she didn 't kick out in time . Naomi gets the win as the ref raised her hand in the air . She was upset because of how fast the count was and that Naomi won by a roll up pin so she did something that she wouldn 't normally do . She attacked Naomi from behind . She grabbed Naomi by her hair and slammed her down to the mat face first . Naomi rolled over , but didn 't know what was going on . Abby picked her up in both of her arms walked over to the ropes and dumped Naomi out onto the floor again . She was about to go after her when the ref held her back and told her that was enough . She got another mixed reaction from the crowd . Some of the crowd were fans of Naomi and they booed her , but other people liked this new attitude and show of strength . Abby finally walked to the back as the ref and doctor checked up on Naomi . Once she got behind the curtain she felt ashamed for her actions . She never really was the sore loser type , but she was caught up in her pain and hatred she felt towards her dad . Later on during the night someone came up to her for an interview , but only asked her one question . The crowd outside could see and hear the interview on the big screen . " I don 't know what came over me . I was just in a bad mood , and really I wasn 't even angry at Naomi , but for whatever reason I snapped once I realized I lost . I 've never been the sore loser type before , but at the same time I 've never felt so strong before . . . It was like I discovered strength that I never knew I had . " She walks away as the interview ends . Bray Wyatt watched her as she walked away and stepped into the area where the camera was filming . He saw her match and was also amazed at her strength . He grabbed the microphone and said just one thing . He walked in the opposite direction as he left everyone wondering what he meant . As Abby calmed down she noticed Dean Ambrose waiting for his music to hit so he could go out . She went up to him and decided to talk to him for a few minutes . " I just wanted to say good luck in your match tonight . . . not like you 'll really need luck . " She says blushing . Luckily it was sort of dark in the area where they were at so she didn 't really worry about him seeing her blush . " Thanks . " He smiles at her , but he saw that she lost her match earlier and was sure she was still upset about it . " Good match out there tonight . " " Really I 'm not . . . I was just in a bad mood . I guess I thought about something that got me upset . That 's why I was so aggressive . I took out my anger on Naomi , but now I feel really bad about it . " Dean 's music hit and he came out . He got in the ring and just as the match was about to start he listened to the crowd for a moment . It sounded like the crowd was split , half wanted to cheer for Ziggler and the other half wanted to cheer for him . Abby 's music hits and she comes out to watch the match . Dean had to admit to himself he thought she was very pretty , there was something that set her apart everyone else . She didn 't want to do commentary this time because she knew JBL and Michael would ask her again why she was out there and if she liked Dean Ambrose . She could hear them talking behind her . " Well it seems like Abby is in a better mood now despite her loss earlier . Anyway now we 're onto our next match . Dolph Ziggler vs Dean Ambrose and for whatever reason she 's out here to watch again . " Abby found herself cheering for him just like JBL said and when Dolph got control of the match she became very quiet and somewhat angry . She got up on the outside of the ropes as she started to see Dean start to rise to his feet . She thought she could distract Dolph to help Dean get the win . She stands up and starts yelling at Dolph and Dean was going to take advantage of the distraction . He came up to Dolph from behind and was about to hit his finisher on him , but Dolph turned around and saw him . Dolph ducked out of the way and Dean accidentally ran into Abby and knocked her off the ring apron and she fell to the floor . Dean looked at her in shock at what just happened , but before he could do anything else Dolph rolled him up for a pin and get the win . As soon as Dolph won he got out of the ring and the ref raised his hand on the outside . Dean had a shocked look on his face , Abby slowly got up and looked up at him . She apologized to him on the outside , but he was upset with her , she had just cost him the match and he yelled at her as he got out of the ring . " I didn 't need your help ! I had everything under control . I didn 't need you out here ! Why do you keep watching me ? ! Stop following me around ! I don 't even like you ! " That 's all it took for her to lose it . Even though he didn 't have a microphone everyone heard what he said loud and clear . At first she was about to cry , but anger took over and she slapped him across his face and went to the backstage area . Dean was mad , but he wasn 't about to go after her . Instead he turned his attention to the announce table . Michael commented on what happened . They didn 't say anything else because that was when Dean started tearing apart the announce table . He didn 't just tear apart the announce table , but he looked under the ring and pulled out a steel chair . He took the steel chair and swung it at the ring post like a baseball bat . He just needed something to take his anger out on . He swung the chair until it was deformed , then he threw it to the ground and walked backstage . Abby was out in the backstage parking lot . She showed anger in front of the audience , but once she got backstage she let her tears loose . Now there were cameras out in the parking lot following her every move and now everyone could see her on the screen and they could see that she was crying . She was so upset that she started talking to herself . " I should have seen this coming . . . I don 't even think it 's because I cost him the match , he never liked me to begin with . I was too stupid and couldn 't look past those blue eyes . What else is new ? No one has ever liked me . Why ? . . . Why am I so different from everyone else ? I 've never had a boyfriend before . . . I probably never will . Who is to say I even want one ? I always swore to myself I wouldn 't end up like my mom . Then again . . . maybe the reason why I never had a boyfriend is because I 'm not as pretty as the other girls . . . I could never be the type of girl that guy want . . . They want the skinny girls that dress up all pretty and wear makeup . I 'm not like them , I 'm not pretty enough . . . I 'll never be like them . I don 't want to be like them , it 's not me . I 'm not going to pretend to be someone I 'm not . I let my guard down and foolishly let my heart get broken . . . one thing I always promised myself . I always promised myself I wouldn 't let my heart get broken . They say no one wants to be alone , but I always kept telling myself I 'm better off alone . . . even if I don 't want to be . That 's why I never gave love a chance . Like I said before . . . I don 't want to end up like my mom . . . she ended up pregnant and my dad left her before I was even born . I never knew my dad personally , but my mom told me that he was a dirty scumbag that got drunk and ran around with other women . Of course my relationship with my mom wasn 't the best either . . . she would always tell me how she never wanted kids and how I had ruined her life . I 'm sure I ruined my dad 's life too , but then again who knows how his life is going ? I just seem to ruin everyone 's lives . . . Isn 't that right Dean Ambrose ? That 's all I do is ruin people 's lives . . . my mom said she never even wanted kids . . . I shouldn 't even exist . Maybe it would be better for everyone is I just disappeared off of the face of the earth . . . that way I won 't ruin anyone else 's lives . . . that way I wouldn 't feel so worthless , maybe it would be better if I just died . Maybe I should just lay around here in thShe didn 't say anything else after that . she couldn 't say anything else , She sat down in a random chair and she started crying even harder than she already was . Everyone that was watching in the crowd felt really bad for her , but were surprised when someone put their hand on her shoulder . Abby had just told the entire WWE Universe about her past where she told them that her lack of trust was because her dad left her mom before she was even born . Her mom told her that she never wanted kids and that she ruined her life . She then started to believe that she ruined her dad 's life too since he left before she was even born . People could tell right away that she had self esteem issues because she didn 't think she was as pretty as the other girls . She made a promise to herself that she wouldn 't end up like her mom . The last thing she wanted was to end up pregnant and lose the love of her life because he didn 't love her back . Then there she went and broke her own promise , she started having feelings for Dean Ambrose and he didn 't even like her . She told herself that she didn 't want to be alone , but would probably end up alone because she didn 't think anyone would ever love her . She started to get the idea that it would be better if she didn 't even exist . She was so upset that she thought about lying in the parking lot and hoped that a car would hit her . She didn ' say anything after that , she completely lost her mind and broke down in tears not really caring who saw . What she didn 't expect was for someone to show up at that very moment . She sat down in a random chair that just so happened to be outside . She didn 't pay attention to the chair she sat down in , the chair she sat down in was a rocking chair . As she was crying someone came up behind her and gently put their hand on her shoulder . The camera man zoomed out to show The Wyatt Family as the crowd cheered . She jumped when she felt someone touch her shoulder , she thought she was alone . She turned around and was surprised at the men in front of her . Luke Harper and Erick Rowan were standing behind Bray Wyatt quietly as he gently held his hand on her shoulder . She didn 't know what to think , her eyes widened in fear and her heart rate went up . Bray could tell that she was afraid and took his hand off her shoulder and started talking to her to calm her dow " I 'm sorry about that , I realize that when you think you 're alone and three big men come up to you it can get a little scary . Don 't worry , you don 't have to be afraid . I 'm sorry about that , but I don 't think we 've properly met . My name is Bray Wyatt , and I couldn 't help but over hear you out here . " Bray really looked at her with great detail . She was a short girl , much shorter than the other divas . After seeing her match he was really surprised at her strength . She was probably not much taller than five feet tall . Her hair was the same color as her eyes . He looked into her eyes . . . they were beautiful . Never before had he ever seen such brown eyes that seemed to glow . " I should tell you that I 've actually been watching you for a while now . I saw your match earlier tonight . . . I 've never seen such raw power . Your strength and energy amazes me , but that 's not why I 'm here . You said a lot of things that got my attention and you said things that got me concerned . " " I don 't need your concern . . . I don 't need anyone to feel sorry for me . I 'll deal with my own problems by myself . . . just like I always have . " " It 's ok that you feel this way . . . you don 't have to be ashamed to cry in front of me and you don 't have to do this alone . I 'm not asking you to trust me , I just want you to listen for a minute . . . There are terrible people out there that will stop at nothing but to see you crash and fall , but there are good people out there too , people you don 't even know yet that love you . I would love nothing more than to hunt down every person that 's done you wrong and make them suffer for what they 've done . . . to make them feel your pain . Don 't you see Abigail ? For the first time in your life . . . you don 't have to be alone anymore . For the first time in a long time you can be happy . You can have the family you 've always wanted , you won 't have to worry about being hurt ever again . " " Look at me Abigail . . . Don 't you ever think that you 're not good enough . . . don 't you ever think that you 're not pretty enough . You said you thought you were better off being dead . . . Don 't ever say anything like that again . You do have value , don 't ever think that you are nothing or that you are a nobody because there is somebody out there that you mean the world to . If you 'll let me , I 'll make sure that no one ever hurts you again . For those that get in our way , we 'll make them suffer together . . . just you and me Abigail . I 'm offering you a choice Abigail . . . either you can hope that you 'll get through this alone , or you could join us and become part of the family . With us around we 'll be there to protect you and to comfort you in your time of need . Think of us as brothers that only want to love and care for our sister . Think about it Abigail , it 's your choice . I would love nothing more than to have you with us , but that choice is up to you . " Abby took a moment to think . Everything he was saying to her made sense , but why should she trust someone she just met ? She wasn 't thinking clearly , how could she after the night she had ? Finally she didn 't care anymore and thought she had nothing else to lose . She couldn 't help but smile at the thought of someone caring for her , but couldn 't believe it and a few tears escaped her eyes . " Honey I 've never been more serious about anything else in my life . For some time now I 've felt like I needed to help you . Strangely enough . . . I 've had dreams about this very moment . . . dreams that seem to haunt me every night . I believe that my dream keeps happening because I have yet to find this girl . You see . . . there is this girl , and she is crying out to me for help but of course she 's not actually saying anything because she doesn 't want to admit to herself that she has a problem . I just know that she needs my help . She was crying out for someone to save her . Just as she was about to take her own life I showed up and I saved her . As weird as it seems . . . you look a lot like the girl in my dreams . This could just be a coincidence , but I believe that the girl in my dreams that needed to be saved was you Abigail . " " This can 't be just a coincidence . . . I had a dream recently that I almost took my own life but I woke up before it happened . The weird thing about it is was that I was actually thinking about talking my own life earlier . This can 't be a coincidence you were here to stop me . I think you were sent here to save me . " She finally agrees and walked with them . All of this was seen by WWE fans . This was the final segment which lasted a little over five minutes . Some were confused while others were happy for her . The entire world watched in shock as they disappeared and The Wyatt Family song played as Smackdown finally went off the air . ( To be continued . . . Abby joins The Wyatt Family , what will everyone else think especially Dean Ambrose ? In the next chapter or so her name will now be Abigail . Bray Wyatt saved her and welcomed her into the family , she is now known as Bray Wyatt 's Sister Abigail . ) Abigail was the talk of the locker room , and WWE Universe . Some weren 't sure if it was just a promo she did or if what she was talking about was the truth . Did her dad really walk out on her mom before she was born ? Was she really about to take her own life ? Some were glad Bray Wyatt showed up when he did . With all of the things he said about having a dream about saving someone , people actually started to believe that he really saved her . When she actually accepted his offer , people were shocked when she left with him . Nobody heard from her since that night on Smackdown . Since she joined The Wyatt Family , she 's had an entirely different attitude , and she dressed up differently . It was a look similar to Luke Harper . She was wearing a plain white shirt and blue jeans , and she had her hair braided in pigtails . This new look she had really did make her look younger . She was in her mid twenties , but she looked as young as fifteen . She really did look like a little girl , and if people didn 't know any better they would actually believe that she was Bray 's little sister and that he protects her . Ever since that night on Smackdown it seems like she was an entirely different person . She wasn 't that sweet little girl anymore . It seems like even being with Bray Wyatt for only a few days made her create this hatred about the world . Someone finally saw her backstage on Raw , but no one came up to her because she was with The Wyatt Family and most people were afraid of them . When Bray Wyatt started his promo and the camera showed Abigail , the crowd cheered for them . Bray laughs before he spoke and put a hand on Abigail 's shoulder . " For those of you that may have missed Smackdown , you missed something truly remarkable . I 'll explain it to you the best that I can . You see . . . This young woman went by the name of Abby , but this young woman isn 't like normal women . There is something different about her , something that sets her apart from everyone else . She has a tragic past life . She went on to tell us about how her father had walked out on her before she was even born . . . What kind of a man does that ? What kind of a man walks out on a woman with child ? I 'll tell you something Abigail , he missed out on witnessing the beautiful woman you 've become . Her own mother told her to her face that she ruined her life . Shame on you , how could you say such a thing to such a beautiful child ? It 's because of you that she grew up thinking that she wasn 't good enough or pretty enough . She grew up thinking that she only ruined everyone 's lives . Because of her father , she has a hard time trusting people , especially men , I 'm surprised she even trusts me . Because of her tragic past , she no longer wants to be the same girl that she was . I told her that she didn 't have to be afraid , and that she doesn 't have to be alone anymore . She told me that she wants to live a better life , she doesn 't want to be known as Abby anymore , but by her real name Abigail . A new life begins with a new identity , a new attitude on life . Let me talk about why I wanted to help her . All of my life , one dream haunts me every night . In this dream , there was this young woman that seemed to cry out to me for help . She didn 't even know that she needed help , but somehow I knew she needed my help . This woman in my dreams I believe was Abigail . When I finally found Abigail out in the parking lot , she was crying and had thoughts of talking her own life . Then that 's when I realized that she was the woman in my dreams . She even told me that she has had this dream . Then that was when our dreams became real , and now ever since I saved her , my nightmare doesn 't happen anymore . " " This man Bray Wyatt . . . he can 't be as bad as everyone says he is . He stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life . When I was sad and alone and I wonderded if my life was worth living , he stepped in and stopped me . He saved my life . I feel like he is the only one that understands me . I 've always been alone , I never thought I would find anyone that would love me . It 's only been a few days , but I feel better about myself now than I ever have before . It 's because of you Bray that I 'm still here today . Bray Wyatt didn 't just save me but he took me in , he made me a part of his family and gave me a home . He 's like the loving brother I 've never had before . He told me that I didn 't have to be alone . For the first time in my life . . . I feel like I 'm truly loved . " " One other thing I promised her was that we would protect you . No one is going to hurt you Abigail , not while we 're around . No one is going to hurt you physically , or emotionally . I swear if anyone even thinks about trying to hurt you , I 'll hunt them down and make them suffer . If I could hunt down every person that 's done you wrong in your past , I swear I would make them pay . I would make them feel your pain . So let this be a warning to everyone . . . if you try to hurt her or even think about hurting her , well . . . lets just say there 's no guarantee that you 're going to make it out of here . I 'm going to do whatever it takes to protect her . Why ? Because I love you Sister Abigail . " The promo was the first thing anyone saw as Raw came on . Surprisingly not everyone was happy about Abigail joining The Wyatt Family . People had their doubts about Bray Wyatt really caring for her . Everyone thought Bray was just telling her everything she wanted to hear . They didn 't think he really understood her like she said he did . Dean Ambrose realized that he was way out of line on Friday and thought he was sort of responsible for the way she broke down . Everything was fine until he went and told her that he didn 't like her . He didn 't really even know her and she cost him his match . He 's had time to calm down since then and realizes that he shouldn 't have yelled at her the way that he did . He even paid attention to her promo earlier . She looked completely different , he had to admit that she did look really cute with the way her hair was braided in pigtails . She would normally have her hair down . Now he could actually see her face . Dean and Bray did agree on one thing . . . She was beautiful . As he thought about her , he started talking to himself . " I 'm such an idiot . . . Why did I yell at her the way I did ? I was just upset because I lost my match . I was distracted by her for a minute . I accidentally ran into her and knocked her off the edge of the ring . I was distracted because I thought she got hurt . I look at her now and I realize just how beautiful she really is . After what I said , there 's no way she likes me now . I can apologize a thousand times and she still probably wouldn 't forgive me . Dean Ambrose had a rematch against Dolph Ziggler , it was the main event for the night and just like he thought . . . no one showed up to watch his match . A lot of people in the crowd started booing him because they saw how he treated her . He saw the video from Friday and almost forgot that she slapped him in the face . Just as Dean Ambrose almost had the match won , the lights went out for a few seconds , and when they came back on , Bray Wyatt , Luke Harper , and Erick Rowan had him surrounded . Abigail was watching from the entrance ramp . Dolph Ziggler knew The Wyatts weren 't out to attack him so he rolled out of the ring and made his way to the locker room . Dean Ambrose knew that since Abigail was with The Wyatts , he knew Bray saw the video from Friday and they were out to make him pay for what he did . Dean Ambrose really wished that The Shield were still together because Roman and Seth could have been out there to help him . Roman and Seth had their own problems to deal with . Now ironically . . . the former Hound Of Justice was about to be served justice by The Wyatt Family . Dean Ambrose was a fighter , he knew he was going down , but at least he was going down fighting . At the end of the night , he was lying motionless in the ring . Bray Wyatt grabbed the mic to cut another promo . " Isn 't this ironic Dean Ambrose ? You once called yourself a Hound Of Justice . Tonight Dean . . . justice was served to you . It 's justice for what you did to Abigail . She was the one that sent me out here . When Sister Abigail tells me to do something , I do it right when she wants me to . She told me to go easy on you tonight . She wanted to make an example out of you . This is a warning to everyone out there that tries to cross our path . If you try to hurt Abigail , you 're the one that 's going to end up being hurt . She told me to take it easy on you , but if you ever try to hurt her again , next time you won 't be so lucky . " Abigail actually had no idea that Bray Wyatt was going to attack Dean Ambrose . It 's just what he told the world . She asks him later why he attacked him . " I told you Abigail . . . I was going to try to track down everyone that 's done you wrong . Dean Ambrose certainly did on Smackdown so tonight he got what was coming to him . " " Yes and I liked that you did that . I like that you stood up for yourself , but that little slap didn 't seem like good enough punishment to me . I bet he 'll think twice before trying to hurt you again . But of course I 'm not going to let that happen . If he ever comes near you again , I 'm going to put him down . Nobody is going to hurt you , not Dean Ambrose or anyone else . " Abigail felt so comfortable , she had never had anyone care about her as much as Bray did . He saw the way Dean Ambrose treated her on Smackdown , even though she wasn 't hurt physically that night , Bray still took it upon himself to go out and deliver his own brand of justice . He wasn 't going to let anyone hurt her , not even emotionally . Dean Ambrose wasn 't happy that Bray Wyatt left him llying in the middle of the ring . He wasn 't sure if Abigail really sent The Wyatt Family out , but he was thinking it was her way of getting back at him for embarrassing her on Smackdown . He had a rematch against Dolph Ziggler later on . He wasn 't sure if Bray was going to come out again , but he would be ready this time . When The Wyatt Family attacked him on Raw , he didn 't even expect it . When it came time for Bray Wyatt to do his promo , Abigail was there with him . Bray stops talking for a moment to let a video play on the screen from Raw . It shows them attacking Dean Ambrose . After the video played Abigail wanted the mic . There was something she wanted to say . " Let this be a warning to everyone out there . . . if I think that even for a minute that anyone tries to cross us , you 'll have to answer to Bray for your actions . If I think there is anyone out there that 's done wrong , you 'll have to answer to Bray for what you 've done . Just ask Dean Ambrose . . . he embarrassed me out there last week , so on Monday night he was left lying in the ring . This will happen to anyone else I think deserves it . I am Sister Abigail , and I am the judge , jury , and executioner . Bray isn 't the one you should fear , I am . Bray is the enforcer , he seeks guidance from me before justice is served . A lot of you have done wrong out there . You do not want to make an enemy of me or my family . Keep your friends close , but your enemies closer . Everyone was amazed at her promo skills , they took in every word she said and were terrified . No one wanted to be on the bad side of Sister Abigail . Her promo was so good Bray didn 't have to say anything else . He just opened his arms and looked at the sky as Sister Abigail did the same . Abigail had a match against Alicia Fox . The Wyatt Family came down to ringside with her . She didn 't really need them to be there , but she thought they were there for support and to intimidate Alicia . The real reason why they were down there was to make sure that no one else came out during her match . They were out there to protect her . Alicia was trying not to get distracted , but with The Wyatt Family out there , she couldn 't help but worry for her safety . When Alicia was down against the ropes , she came face to face with Erick Rowan and his sheep mask . When she saw the sheep mask she freaked out . When she got up to run , she ran right into Abigail . Abigail took full advantage of the distraction and hit her with Bray Wyatt 's move Sister Abigail . Then she pinned Alicia for the three count . The Wyatt Family music played and The Wyatt Family joined her in the ring . Bray wrapped his arms around her and hugged her while telling her how proud he was of her . Bray and Abigail held out their arms again and said Follow The Buzzards . The lights go out for a second and then come back on . They had disappeared from the ring , leaving Alicia there while a doctor checked on her . " Let me tell you something . . . on Monday night I wasn 't prepared for The Wyatt Family to come out . I should have been , but I wasn 't . So last week on Smackdown , Abigail says that I embarrassed her , She was following me around backstage , and when she cost me the match I told her that I didn 't her . So what really happened was she was angry with me and wanted to get back at me . I almost completely forgot that she slapped me . So she goes crying and tries to make everyone feel sorry for her . She goes and tells everyone about how her dad left and how her mom never wanted her . Whether any of that is true or not I don 't know . But guess what Sunshine , you 're not the only one that 's had a troubled past . Look at me , I 'm surprised I 'm not living my life in jail . I grew up having to learn how to fight and take care of myself . This is my life , if I wasn 't in WWE , I probably would be in jail . So yeah Sunshine , you 're not the only one with a troubled past . " He walks off without saying anything else , and gets ready for his match . Strangely enough The Wyatt Family didn 't show up like he thought they would . His attention was on Dolph the whole time and he won his match . Abigail heard his promo and watched his match . Maybe they were more alike than she first thought . Bray noticed that she seemed distracted and got her attention . What they didn 't know was that there was secretly a camera recording them . " No I 'm ok Bray . I 'm just watching the match . He said a lot that got me thinking . He said I wasn 't the only one with a troubled past . It got me thinking that we could be more alike than I first thought . " She was caught off guard and didn 't expect what happened next . Bray slapped her across the face . He hit her so hard that she fell off of her chair and fell in the floor . She looked up at him in disbelief with tears in her eyes as she put her hand on her cheek where he had slapped her . She responded with a nervous and shaky voice . " I 'm sorry Abigail , but I did it for your own good . You 're not thinking clearly . Sometimes you have to hurt the people you love in order to protect them . You said that you could be more like him than you thought . He is nothing like you , he doesn 't care about you like I do . Do I have to remind you that he was the one that left you crying on Friday night ? " " Don 't think for even a minute that he understands you , he doesn 't know what you 've been through . Who was there for you that night ? Who was there for you when you almost took your life , who was there to stop you and save you ? " " You were Bray . You 're right Bray , I 'm sorry I was so foolish . How can anyone else know what I 'm going through ? No one knows me like you do , no one cares for me like you do . I 'm sorry I ever doubted you . " " It 's ok Abigail , I 'm here for you . Just try not to be so easily fooled by other people 's lies . I would never lie to you Abigail , I 'm here to protect you from the lies of the world . Don 't trust a guy like Dean Ambrose , he will do nothing but lie to you . He could never understand and love you like I do . You know I love you right Abigail ? " She hugs him as the guy with the camera snuck away . Everyone saw what Bray did . He slapped her and then told her that he only did it for her own good . It was like he was brain washing her into believing that he was the only one she could trust . Even Dean Ambrose saw him hit her and was outraged , one thing he did know was that you never hit a woman . Bray was acting like he owned her and whenever she did something that he thought was wrong he would punish her by slapping her in the face . She wouldn 't do anything about it because she honestly believed that that he was the only one she could trust . Dean Ambrose wasn 't about to let him slap her again so he set out in search of Bray Wyatt , but the Wyatts were nowhere to be found . He thought how pretty she was , he didn 't want to see Bray hitting her in the face . He realized that maybe he did have feelings for her , but he mostly wanted to get her away from Bray Wyatt , but to do that he would need a little bit of help . He wasn 't going to stand by and watch her be smacked around and lied to . Since Abigail joined The Wyatt Family , it was a rare moment to see her alone . It was Monday Night Raw , Bray Wyatt would have loved nothing more than to have Abigail at ringside , but he didn 't want to risk her getting hurt . He encouraged her to stay backstage with Luke Harper and Erick Rowan . Even though she was a member of The Wyatt Family , she still didn 't know much about Luke Harper or Erick Rowan . Bray told her that she could trust them , and that they would be watching over her . Bray had a match against Roman Reigns . It was a back and forth match between them . Ever since The Shield split , the crowd has loved Roman . Bray Wyatt had his followers , the crowd was about split in half . There were people cheering for Roman , and there were people cheering for Bray . Both of them were pretty evenly matched , they had the crowd chanting This is Awesome . In the last minute of the match , Bray countered Roman 's ring apron kick to the face . When Roman got back in the ring , Bray was about to hit Sister Abigail , but Roman countered that and a few seconds later hit Bray with a Superman Punch . Roman was about to go for the spear again , but the lights went out and Luke Harper and Erick Rowan appeared in the ring . Roman knew he was out numbered but hit Luke with a spear since he was the closest . He was about to get up to finish the match , but Erick Rowan and Bray Wyatt attacked him causing the disqualification . Abigail had sent them out to help Bray because no one ever knew where The Wyatt Family stayed when they were backstage . Almost no one that is , it just so happens that occasionally when The Shield did some of their promos , they would do it from the same spot as The Wyatts . While Bray Wyatt , Luke Harper , and Erick Rowan were on the attack on Roman little did they know was that Dean Ambrose had found Abigail . She thought she was alone , and that she was safe . When she found out that she wasn 't alone she freaked out . She didn 't know what to expect from Dean Ambrose , she was a bit terrified , but at the same time she acted like she " You ! What are you doing here Ambrose ? ! " " No ! You stay away from me ! Bray told me about guys like you , he told me not to trust you . Guys like you should not be trusted , I 'm not going to stand here and listen to anything you have to say . You 're a liar . " " Shut up ! Just shut up and listen ! I 'm not the bad guy here , Bray is , but you 're too blind to see it . I saw what he did on Friday . He hit you in the face , after he promised to protect you . If you ask me , he 's the one that you need to be protected from . " " No ! You 're wrong Ambrose , you don 't know anything about Bray . He only did what he did because he loves me . Something you 're not capable of . " Abigail thought about that , but before either of them could say or do anything else Bray attacks him from behind and shortly after , Luke Harper and Erick Rowan joined in . Abigail backed up and watched the scene unfold . She wasn 't really sure what to do . As Bray was hitting Dean Ambrose he was saying something in between punches . " As soon as I saw you on the screen I ran back here as fast as I could . I was afraid that by the time I got here I would 've been too late . Ok so I thought that if you were away from ringside that you would be safe . Maybe I would feel better if I see that you 're safe . " It was about an hour later Dean Ambrose was being interviewed . He was upset because he was attacked from behind . What he was saying was just part of his character , he was sending a message to The Wyatts . " Abigail is so comfortable around Bray Wyatt , he 's the one that 's lying to her not me . She thinks I 'm the bad guy . Well Sunshine if its a bad guy you want , its a bad guy you 'll get . And Bray Wyatt , that little attack from behind . . . be on your toes Wyatts . Bray you say that you created war , well you , Luke Harper and Erick Rowan started one the first night you put your hands on me . Be on your toes Wyatts . You never know when I 'm going to strike and who I may have on my side . You like to play mind games Bray Wyatt ? Well get ready because I can play mind games too . We 're going to see which one of us is crazier . It 's not a matter of if , but when . " Divas matches were never really the main event , but because of how impressive Abigail has been , she was given the opportunity to face AJ for the Diva 's championship belt . AJ was not intimidated by The Wyatt Family because everyone thought she was probably just about as crazy as they were . Some people still couldn 't believe that Abigail was in The Wyatt Family and not someone like AJ . Abigail had never faced AJ before , but she was fairly confident with The Wyatts out there with her . At some point during the match , AJ put her in the Black Widow submission hold . Despite being in pain , Abigail could hear Bray yelling at her telling her not to tap out . Abigail somehow got out of the move , then hit AJ with the move Sister Abigail , AJ didn 't move and Abigail went for the pin . Just as the ref was about to count , the lights went out . The match didn 't matter at this point . Nobody knew what was going on , but The Wyatts joined Abigail in the ring . People started taking out their cell phones and turned on their lights . Some people could see what was going on in the ring . Dean Ambrose had a steel chair in his hands and Roman Reigns was also out there . Bray didn 't see it coming as Dean Ambrose hit him with the steel chair . The lights came back on as Roman started his attack on Luke Harper and Erick Rowan . Erick Rowan took a Superman Punch , and Luke Harper took a spear . They lay on the floor outside of the ring . Roman and Dean had agreed to work together to take out The Wyatts . Once Roman speared Luke Harper , his work was done . AJ had left as this was happening , she was still the Diva 's Champion . Abigail didn 't know what to do , she was frozen with fear . She had backed herself into the corner of the turnbuckle . Bray Wyatt was on his back as Dean Ambrose continued to hit him with the steel chair . Then Dean Ambrose used his foot to push Bray Wyatt out onto the floor . Bray , Luke , and Erick were all layed out on the floor . Dean Ambrose had his crazy Lunatic Fringe enraged look on his face as he directed his attention to Abigail in th " I 'm not going to hurt you ok . I 'm here to save you from Bray . To set you free . Also . . . I made a mistake ok . I shouldn 't have yelled at you the other week on Smackdown . I was wrong ok . I happen to think that you 're very pretty . " Abigail couldn 't believe what she was hearing , she didn 't say or do anything so Dean Ambrose did something instead . He already had his hands on her face , but he gently moved them to her chin and gently tilted her head up so she could look at him in the eyes . When she looked at him in the eyes , it was like all of her fear of him went away . He was telling the truth , he wasn 't going to hurt her . Dean Ambrose saw that she had stopped crying and had calmed down . What happened next was shocking to everyone . As Dean Ambrose had her head tilted up at him , he still had to lean down towards her since she was still shorter than him . He leaned down slowly towards her face and gently kissed her . At first she was shocked , but finally kissed him back . The Wyatts finally got up and saw what happened , but none of them really knew what to do so they left and went back to the locker room . Bray Wyatt wasn 't happy about the situation and thought that it was time to regroup . The crowd was shocked , but approved of the situation and started doing Yes chants . When the kiss finally ended Dean Ambrose smiled at her and she smiled back , as he took her hand into his and they left the ring together as Raw went off the air . Everyone has been talking about what happened on Raw . Dean Ambrose and Abigail were the talk of the locker room and the WWE Universe . There was also talk about The Wyatt Family , but most people were talking about what happened between Dean Ambrose and Abigail . When Bray Wyatt was having a match with Roman Reigns , she sent out Luke Harper and Erick Rowan to distract Roman Reigns so Bray could get the upper hand . While The match ended in disqualification , Dean found the place where The Wyatt Family did their promos . Abigail was alone backstage when he started talking to of what he had to say made since , but the other part of her didn 't want to believe him . Everyone saw that Bray slapped her and Dean Ambrose wasn 't happy about it . He got her thinking about if it was a good idea to join The Wyatt Family . Before she could make up her mind The Wyatt Family attacked him . Later that night Abigail had a match against AJ for the Diva 's championship belt . The Wyatt Family were out there with her because she had a feeling that something was going to happen . She was right , the match never really ended with a win or a loss , but the match was interrupted when the lights went out . The Wyatt Family joined her in the ring because even they didn 't know what was going on . When the lights came back on Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns were in the ring and started to attack The Wyatt Family . Dean Ambrose had a steel chair to even the odds . Roman took out Luke Harper and Erick Rowan and his work was done . Dean Ambrose had his sights set on Bray Wyatt . Abigail didn 't know what to do . She was frozen with fear , and backed up into the corner of the turnbuckle . Dean Ambrose hit him with the chair several times and then pushed him out onto the floor . Then it was just him and Abigail in the ring . She was so scared that she didn 't know what to do . Dean Ambrose was just having a little fun with her and acted like he was going to hit her with the chair . She screamed and blocked her face while ducking down in the corner . He threw the chair out of the No one really saw or heard from Abigail since Raw . It was a very confusing night for her and she needed time to think about what happened . Dean Ambrose was just as confused as she was . He had been thinking about the kiss all week . What he wanted was for her to trust him and leave The Wyatt Family . He kept wondering if it was just the heat of the moment that made him kiss her or if it was something else . Abigail has not seen or heard from The Wyatt Family or Dean Ambrose since Raw . She was wondering what she was going to do . Before Dean Ambrose kissed her she had been alone and Bray welcomed her into the family . Then again something Dean Ambrose said started to make sense . Why would someone that supposedly loved her hit her ? Bray had told her that it was for her own good . He only did it to protect her . He had to slap some sense into her . He didn 't want her to believe everything that she saw and heard . He didn 't want her to believe Dean Ambrose . He tries to convince her into believing that he was lying to her . She decided to go out to the ring on her own . She didn 't really want to go back to The Wyatt Family , but at the same time she didn 't want to go to Dean Ambrose . She still wasn 't sure about who she should trust . She didn 't want to be lied to by anyone . She was thinking that maybe she was better off on her own . Bray Wyatt and The Wyatt Family came out for a match . The Authority had put Roman Reigns in a three on one handicap match . Dean Ambrose ended up coming out and cost them the match . He didn 't get physically involved but his presence was enough of a distraction . Dean Ambrose still wasn 't done with Bray Wyatt . He wanted to make sure that Bray never came near Abigail again . Later on Abigail had a rematch against AJ since no one really won or lost on Monday . It was a back and forth match between them . It came down to AJ putting Abigail in her Black Widow submission hold . Abigail somehow reversed it and put AJ in a submission hold of her own . Just when it seemed like AJ was going to tap out , the lights went o " What 's the matter Abigail ? You look like you 've seen a ghost . You look terrified . You should be terrified . I want you wondering when . . . When will I be coming for you ? I 'm coming back for you Abigail . I believe you 're confused and that you need me now more than ever . You need me to answer those burning questions . Why doesn 't anyone love you , or why do bad things keep happening to you ? You try to act tougher than the rest , you try to act like nothing is wrong , but everything is wrong . You were about to go as far as committing suicide so you wouldn 't have to live in this world anymore . I know you Abigail . . . I know you better than you know yourself . You smile to everyone out here like nothing is wrong , but those few weeks ago in the parking lot , you didn 't know you were being watched . Everyone saw you breakdown . Once you thought the cameras were gone you broke down in tears . You aren 't like normal people , and yet I know plenty of people like you Abigail . You try to live a happy life , but every day , every moment for you is a battle , not just against your opponent , but against yourself . You 're miserable . . . you 've lived a rough life . You are your own worst enemy . This may be a shocker to everyone else , but I know about your battle with depression . " Abigail listened to the crowd 's reaction . She was embarrassed . . . This was something she did want anyone to know . How did Bray find out ? She continued to listen to what he was saying . " Your battle with depression sometimes clouds your judgment . That night when Dean Ambrose wanted nothing to do with you , you were going to go as far as to take your own life . He saw you crying and he felt sorry for you . I hope you enjoyed your little moment with him , but I hope you realize that he still doesn 't love you . He only did what he did because he felt sorry for you . You need help Abigail . . . You are not well . The one thing I hate is watching people suffer . The way I see it , you can either come home on your own , or we can bring you home . You need to come back home Abigail , but of course since you ran away in the first place you 'll have to be punished . If I didn 't love you , I wouldn 't punish you when you need it . I only do what 's best for you . We love you Sister Abigail . Come Home . " The lights come back on and Abigail is left in the ring . She was scared and she had tears falling from her face . Bray Wyatt had just told everyone her secret . She didn 't want anyone to know , but now the whole world knew that she was struggling with depression . She needed to get away from the crowd and the cameras . She didn 't want to believe him , but he could have been telling the truth . What if Dean Ambrose only kissed her that night because he felt sorry for her ? As she was going to leave the ring , the lights go off again , and a few seconds later they come back on . The Wyatt Family surrounded her on the outside of the ring . Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns came down to the ring and were ready to fight , but Randy Orton came out and attacked Roman Reigns . Roman was more involved with The Authority feud . Now it was Dean Ambrose on his own taking on The Wyatt Family . Abigail had nowhere to run . She was cornered again . She was forced to watch as The Wyatt Family beat down Dean Ambrose . The words Bray said were coming back to her . They were coming back for her . . . to punish her for leaving . He wanted her to be in the family whether she wanted to or not . She had a bad feeling about what was going to happen . Bray hit Dean with Sister Abigail and Dean didn 't move after that . It almost felt like Deja Vu only this time Dean was the one laid out . Then they turned their attention to Abigail in the corner . The crowd booed as they had a feeling like they knew what was going to happen . Luke and Erick grab her arms and legs so she couldn 't fight back . She screams at them to let her go , but Bray grabs her from them and hit her with his move Sister Abigail . She was unconscious as Bray sat down and pulled her into his arms . He starts singing He 's Got The Whole World In His Hands as he rubs her hair . The crowd boo loudly instead of singing and moving their lights like they usually would . Once Bray was done singing The Wyatt Family take her out of the ring and carry her back up the entrance . Dean started to wake up and saw them carrying " Where is she Wyatt ? ! " " You 'll never find her . I won 't let you fill her head with your lies . You 're not going to break her heart . . . You 're never coming near her again . " Dean was about to attack them when the lights backstage went out and The Wyatts disappeared again . Laughter was all that was heard as the lights came back on . Dean was confused and frustrated , he was tired of The Wyatt 's tricks . He saw Abigail out there when Bray was talking . to her . He wished he could have been out there sooner , but at the time he was in the locker room . He got out there before they attacked her but Roman had his own problems with The Authority so he ended up fighting The Wyatt Family by himself . He was out numbered and put down . At the end of the day , Bray still attacked Abigail . He wasn 't just upset with The Wyatts , he was upset with himself because he couldn 't protect her like he thought he could . He was frustrated and kicked over a trash can . He stormed out of the building thinking that maybe he could find them outside . Smackdown goes off the air showing Dean throwing things outside . " I saw you sleep in your car one night . We were still at an arena . You must have been getting a few hours of sleep before the show . So that left me wondering . . . Are you homeless ? " " Yeah . . . I 'm homeless . I moved out of my mom 's house when I started working for WWE . I didn 't know what to do or who to turn to . So I 've been living in my car for the past few months . But like I said how did you know that I 'm fighting depression ? " Sometimes people just know . How could you not be fighting depression ? You don 't live anywhere , you 're mom told you that she never wanted you , and you don 't trust people because of your dad . Which leaves me to wonder . Why would you try to leave us like that Abigail ? I promised to protect you and to give you a home , so why would you take off with Dean Ambrose ? " " I don 't know . There was just something that he told me that got me thinking . He said . . . if you love me like you say you do , why would you hit me . The WWE Universe saw you hit me twice now . You hit me in the face and now you hit me with your finishing move and dragged me away against my will . " " Sometimes you have to take extreme measures to protect the ones you love . . . Dean Ambrose will tell you anything . I 'm begging you . I 'm trying to protect you from the lies of this world . Please don 't listen to anything he says . On Raw he caught you off guard and kissed you . If he really loved you then why didn 't you see him after Raw ? " " I don 't know . . . I think we were all a little confused about the situation . I didn 't want to come back because I didn 't know what you would do . " I wouldn 't have done anything . He was the one that took advantage of you . You should have talked to me instead of avoiding me . Dean Ambrose thinks that he understands you . . . He could never understand you like I do . I promise I 'll protect you , and I promise I won 't make you do anything against your will again unless I really think you 're making a mistake . I 'm here to be your voice of reason . . . I 'm here to stop you from any major mistakes you could make . Sometimes when people suffer from depression , they don 't always think clearly . An example of that would be the night we met . You were going to lay down in the parking lot . You would have taken your own life if I had not been there that night . So I think you need someone to look after you . Dean Ambrose caused your breakdown that night . Do you honestly think that one little kiss would make him care for you ? " " No . You 're right Bray . . . He 's just trying to play games with me and trying to get back at me for slapping him and having you go after him . I 'm sorry I left , and I 'm sorry I ever doubted you . " She hugs him but still had certain doubts in her mind about Bray and Dean . She still wondered what Dean 's true feelings were . Did he just kiss her because he felt sorry for her ? ( To be continued . So Abigail comes back to The Wyatt Family , at first against her will until Bray made it seem like he was doing her a favor . Was he just telling her what she wanted to hear ? Are The Wyatts really as bad as everyone thinks ? Is The Wyatt Family the only people she should trust ? Will Dean ever get a chance to talk to her without being influenced by The Wyatt Family ? ) It was Monday Night Raw , Abigail didn 't have a match tonight , but she was going to be interviewed by Michael Cole about what 's been happening over the past few weeks . It was going to be a private interview . Since Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose had been involved with her over the past few weeks a lot has happened and some people wanted to know how she was feeling . Michael Cole wanted to have an interview with her without being influenced by The Wyatt Family or Dean Ambrose . He wanted her thoughts and her thoughts alone . " Ok so Abigail . . . you 've had an interesting number of weeks here in WWE . So everyone started to get the idea that you had feelings for Dean Ambrose , but of course you didn 't really want to talk about that when I first asked you . Then one night on Smackdown you cost him his match and he yells at you saying that he doesn 't like you . I don 't know if you knew this or not , but there was a camera man following you when you left ringside . We saw you out in the parking lot talking to yourself . I think that without knowing it you may have told the world about your parents . You had an emotional breakdown that I believe was caused by Dean Ambrose . You thought that you were alone that night , but not only was the camera man out there , but Bray Wyatt was out there too . He comes out and comforts you . He stops you from making possibly one of the biggest mistakes of your life . He seems to have added you to his family . He calls you Sister Abigail . We all think that everything was going well , but another camera man caught what Bray did one night . He hits you in the face and knocks you out of your chair and onto the floor . He later on said that he only did it to teach you a lesson and that sometimes you have to hurt the people you love in order to protect them . Now back to Dean Ambrose , he saw Bray hit you and he wasn 't happy about it . He tries to talk to you , but every time he comes near you , The Wyatt Family are there to attack . Bray believes that Dean Ambrose was just there to spread lies and to hurt you . So last week on Raw you were in a match against AJ for the Diva 's championship belt and suddenly the lights go out . Usually this is something that happens when The Wyatt Family first come out and leave , but they were already out there . You didn 't really have anywhere to go . The Wyatt Family joined you in the ring , but it turned out to be a setup by Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns . They each had their own problems with The Wyatts so they teamed up to attack The Wyatts . You were terrified , you thought for sure that Dean Ambrose was " Yes . Bray opened my eyes , he sat down with me and talked with me about what happened on Raw . It was foolish of me to believe that Dean Ambrose liked me . He only kissed me that night because he felt sorry for me . I do have depression , I 'm afraid to give love a chance because I don 't want to end up being heartbroken . If I ever ended up being heartbroken , I probably would go suicidal . I know I 'm not the only one in the world that suffers from depression , but I feel like Bray Wyatt is the only one that understands me , and that he 's the only one I can trust . But at the same time , there is something that Dean Ambrose said that keeps me thinking . If he loves me like he says he does , then why would he hit me ? Should I really trust someone like that ? " " I just have one more question for you Abigail . What exactly is your relationship with Bray Wyatt ? Some are confused as to if he wants to date you . " " Don 't you pay attention ? Do you not hear him call me Sister Abigail ? He obviously loves me like a sister . He will do anything to protect me , even if it means protecting me from myself . He is my voice of reason when my emotions are everywhere . Sometimes you need someone to look after you so they can stop you from making a mistake . " The interview ended , Abigail was still just as confused as ever . She wanted to believe that Bray was protecting her and that he loved her like he said . Another part of her believed what Dean Ambrose told her . She needed to be freed from The Wyatt Family . She wanted freedom and independence , but she didn 't want to feel alone . She was homeless after all and Bray gave her a home . The only reason why she was homeless was because her mom didn 't want her living in her home anymore , she was in her mid twenties and her mom wanted her to find somewhere else to live . Besides that , being in WWE meant that she would have to travel a lot anyway . Not many WWE superstars really had a chance to relax because the job was so demanding , but they had a place to call home . With Bray she had a place to call home , she may not have liked the situation , but it was better than living out of her car . At times it seemed lik The Wyatt Family would never leave her alone . They watched her every move . She didn 't say anything about this because she knew better . She didn 't always like being followed around and needed her privacy . Since Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt had been the talk of the WWE Universe , Triple H made a one on one match . He didn 't really have to worry about Seth Rollins coming out to help , but he banned Roman Reigns from ringside . To be fair he also banned the rest of The Wyatt Family from ringside . Erick Rowan , Luke Harper and Abigail watched the match from backstage . It was a back and forth match . Abigail was nervous and didn 't really know who she wanted to win . Triple H didn 't really say that she was banned from ringside , she was mainly sure that he meant Luke Harper and Erick Rowan . She thought that maybe he meant her too so she should probably stay back there with them . Even if she wanted to go out to watch the match , she was sure that Luke Harper and Erick Rowan wouldn 't let her . They work for Bray which meant that when Bray couldn 't watch her , they would be in charge of watching her . It almost felt like she was being held as a prisoner . She had her eyes on the match , things were looking to be in Dean Ambrose 's favor . He was about to hit Dirty Deeds on Bray , but Bray rolls out of the ring and runs around the ring . Dean Ambrose was frustrated and wanted to punish him for everything he 's done to Abigail . He runs after Bray , but what he didn 't see was Bray reaching for a chair under the ring . Bray hits him with the chair causing the disqualification . It seemed like a little bit of payback from last week . He was usually a favorite among the crowd , but he was booed for his actions . He hit Dean Ambrose with the chair a few times then drops the chair only to hit Dean Ambrose with Sister Abigail onto the chair . Then the lights went out and he disappeared . This wasn 't the main event . Once Dean Ambrose woke up he went backstage frustrated . He was hoping that it would have been Bray lying in the ring because he desperately wanted to find Abigail . He needed to know that she was ok . While Bray and Dean had their match , Dean kept telling Bray that he was going to find her and free her from them . Later on Abigail had no idea where they were going or what was going on , but as a camera man followed them Bray led them to a strange location . Bray had a feeling of guilt inside of him , but he pushed that feeling aside . He really felt like what he was going to do was the right thing to do . He knew something was bothering Abigail , but she wasn 't telling him anything . She was following Bray when suddenly he stops in front of her . Luke Harper and Erick Rowan weren 't far behind . Erick Rowan always took The Wyatt Family rocking chair everywhere they went . The location became clear to everyone . They were at the top of a bridge . It was right outside of the arena where they were that night . Under the bridge was the Mississippi River . Abigail wondered what they were doing there . Bray was there to deliver a promo . " You 're not Bray . What no one understands is how loving and caring you can be . You gave me a home Bray ? How could anyone think that you 're a monster ? " Dean Ambrose saw the promo as it was going on . The location for whatever reason gave him a bad feeling so he left the arena and was going to go to that location . Bray continued the promo . " To protect you from yourself . I really do hate to see you suffer . Your depression is more serious than I first thought . You tried to take your own life . I wasn 't going to let that happen . I do love you Abigail , whether you see it or not . I 'm sorry Abigail , but I 'm doing this for your own good . I 'm doing this for you , so you don 't have to suffer anymore . Goodbye Abigail . " That was the signal for Luke Harper and Erick Rowan to pick her up and throw her over the bridge . Bray couldn 't bring himself to do it . When they picked her up she started screaming and crying . Just as they were going to throw her over Dean Ambrose shows up and attacks them . It was clear to him and everyone else that Bray Wyatt was crazy and that he didn 't really care about her . He thought he was doing the right thing by throwing her off a bridge . He knew he was out numbered but he had to do something . He couldn 't just stand there and watch them throw her over . Luckily for her they were still close to the arena so Dean Ambrose left and found them just in time . Dean Ambrose goes after Luke Harper and Erick Rowan . They put her down , and not in a gentle way . Once Bray found out what was going on he started attacking Dean Ambrose . Soon the numbers game caught up to him . Luke and Erick beat him down and then Bray holds Dean Ambrose back . Luke Harper and Erick Rowan pick Abigail up again and she screams getting Dean Ambrose 's attention as he struggles to get free . Bray holds him back as he tells Luke and Erick to throw her over . Dean still tried to get free but watched in horror as they threw her over . Bray laughs like a maniac and finally let him go . Everyone watched the replay on the screen . Bray Wyatt is holding back Dean Ambrose and he gives the orders to throw Abigail off the bridge . She was tied to a chair so she couldn 't do anything . Bray thought he was doing her a favor . He didn 't want to see her suffer from depression anymore and he didn 't want her taking her own life so he thought he would put her out of her misery . Dean Ambrose broke free and jumped off the bridge after her . Bray stood there laughing like a maniac . The camera man didn 't know whether to keep filming or to stop . This seemed wrong even to him . The camera man turned off his camera and Raw ended with someone else . It was dark out and it was hard for Dean Ambrose to see . He didn 't see where she landed , but he jumped in anyway . He didn 't care about his own life , he was just concerned about Abigail . It was mid October so the water was freezing . He kept growing more and more concerned as each passing second went by . Finally he took a deep breath and dived down into the freezing water . There was a little bit of light and he finally spotted her . She couldn 't move and he didn 't know whether or not she was still holding her breath . He swam down to her as fast as he could . She was still tied to the chair so he would have to free her from the chair . Luckily for her he always carried a pocket knife with him everywhere he went . As he was cutting the ropes he noticed that she wasn 't holding her breath . He cut the ropes as fast as he could and then started carrying her back to the surface , he almost ran out of air himself . He swam with her to shore and saw that she wasn 't breathing so he immediately started CPR on her . He didn 't care how cold he was , but he was getting frustrated when he couldn 't get her to start breathing . After about a minute she finally revived and started gasping for air . She shivered and finally her vision became clear and she saw who it was that rescued her . She was so upset that she didn 't know what to do . She acted without thinking and threw herself into his arms crying . He was relieved that he was able to save her . He usually wasn 't the hugging type , but he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back while he tried to comfort her as she was crying . " Abigail is still my real name . Mostly my friends call me Abby , but I don 't want to be called that because of my past . I thought that if I changed up my name and my attitude that things would be different . So far , my life has been just as bad being Abigail as it was when I was Abby . I still want to be called Abigail because that 's still my real name . I 'm just so hurt and confused right now . I thought I could trust Bray . He always said he loved me . I really started looking up to him like a protective brother . I had nowhere to go and he gave me a home . Why would he do this to me ? " " It 's because of your depression . You tried to take your life once , but he didn 't want you to do that . He has a little bit of sympathy for you , but he 's legit crazy . He didn 't want to see you suffer anymore and he wanted to be the one to put you out of your misery . That way it wouldn 't have been suicide . I 'm just glad that I got to you when I did . Come on . Let 's get you out of here and get into some warm , dry clothes before we catch hypothermia . " He leads her along , but she stops . She didn 't really want to follow him . Not after all she 's been through . After being lied to and almost killed by Bray , she didn 't exactly trust Dean either right away . " Oh come on . I 'm not asking for you to trust me . I just want to make sure that you 're ok . At least change into some dry clothes . " She didn 't say anything because she really didn 't have anywhere to go . He walks up to her and gently takes her hand . His voice was now calm as he figured out that he may have been scaring her . He didn 't really know what to say to that but was glad when she finally agrees and walked with him slowly . She still wasn 't sure about what his true intentions were . He saw the look on her face and sort of knew she felt weird about going to a hotel with him . He gave her a playful smirk . She stops and blushes , but is slightly terrified . She still has feelings for him and didn 't want to end up doing something that she would regret . She still wasn 't sure about how he felt about her . One minute he doesn 't want anything to do with her , then the next minute he 's kissing her in front of the whole world . She doesn 't hear from him for a week after the kiss , but ever since then he 's been running to her rescue . He sees the embarrassed , nervous look on her face and laughs . " Yeah . You don 't want to be called Abby and I don 't really want to call you Abigail , so how about Sunshine ? It 's just a nickname , but it works for you . " " Well . I would at least like to get on some dry clothes . I 'll go with you , but that doesn 't mean that I trust you Ambrose . " First they went back to the arena to get their stuff , and changed into dry clothes . Then they met up in the parking lot . Abigail was a bit confused as she saw Roman Reigns waiting around . Dean walked up behind her . " Now that is storyline . The Wyatts could never be as close as The Shield . What Dean and I have is real brotherhood . We might not really be related , but it 's the bond that counts , not just the blood . Come on , we 've got room for one more . Seth isn 't with us anymore . We 're just business partners according to him . I guess he didn 't know what real brotherhood was either . " Abigail didn 't really know what to say to that . Dean Ambrose politely opens a door for her and she gets in . Somehow he knew she would want to sit in the back . He was sure that she needed her space . She smiled and thanked him . As Roman finished putting the luggage in the trunk he saw Dean get the door and thought that was unusual . Before he got in he said something to Dean on the outside that Abigail didn 't hear . " I 've never really seen you hold the door open for anyone before . It doesn 't really seem like the kind of thing you would do . What 's the story with you and her anyway ? " " Have you not been paying attention to the kind of things Bray Wyatt has been doing ? It just so happens that this storyline is real . Bray fooled her into trusting him , then he went and threw her off a bridge . " " No , everything you 've heard about her is real . She really does have depression . She 's been through a lot . She was still thinking about going back to Bray , even after he almost killed her . I wasn 't going to let that happen . " Roman nodded like he understood , obviously Dean didn 't want to be embarrassed in front of her . The ride to the hotel was about ten minutes , other than the music there was an awkward silence . No one really said anything . It was almost midnight so no one was really up , just the lobby attendants at the hotel . Roman and Dean travel together , but they got separate rooms . When Abigail and Dean got to their room she was amazed by how nice it looked . " Yeah well when you 're a WWE superstar , sometimes the boss spoils you . It 's a little more than what I 'm used to , but it 's nice . You learn to live with it . " They still looked around the room , but noticed that there was only one bed . There were chairs , but no couch . Abigail put her stuff down in a chair . She felt the awkward silence between them and said something about the situation . " Yeah sorry about that . Roman and I kind of found this place ahead of time and already rented the rooms . I didn 't really know you would be joining us . But it 's still a nice room . " " You know it 's funny . When you first met me you wouldn 't stop following me around . Now you 're acting all nervous and shy . " " Ok so you can go change or whatever it is you do before going to sleep and I 'll go ahead and get comfortable . Maybe I 'll be asleep before you come out . I 'm a heavy sleeper so don 't worry about waking me up . " She simply nods and heads to the bathroom to change . She took about ten minutes . When she got out the lights were off . She didn 't think he was asleep yet so she slowly got into bed with him . It felt weird , but at the same time it was nice . She looked over at him . He had shorts on , but he had his shirt off . She thought that he looked hot , but things still seemed awkward between them . She rolled over and faced the other way and soon she fell asleep . Through the night she ended up rolling over to face him without knowing it . It was chilly in the room so they ended up sleeping closer than she thought . Dean usually wouldn 't wake up but he felt cold feet on him . He looked over at her as she slept . He moved his feet just slightly to warm them up . Abigail was curled up into a ball . She was so small , but her head was buried into his warm chest . He wrapped one arm around her head , his fingers feeling her soft hair . He felt her breathing against his chest . He smiled at her as he went back to sleep . Abigail woke up at one point of the night . Something startled her and she woke up . Dean was asleep . She realized that she was sleeping closer to him than she wanted to , but there was a certain safety , warmth and comfort that made her not want to move . She was halfway awake but could hear his heart beat and she could feel his hand in her hair . She moved her head just slightly to look up to see his face . He was asleep , but she saw him smiling . She smiled too feeling happy and she fell back asleep in his arms . Both of them felt this connection they had with each other . Dean had been with different women before , but he felt like there was something different about Abigail . Even though she told herself that she didn 't want to trust him , she felt like he would be different from Bray . She felt safe around him , but in the back of her mind she kept worrying about Bray . She was afraid that he would come back for her and Dean wouldn 't be able to protect her . She felt like she was starting to trust him , but she wondered if he would be any d ( To be continued . . . ) Dean Ambrose woke up the next morning . The sun was shining through the window . Abby was still sleeping right beside him . He still couldn 't believe that he got her to come along with him . Just a few minutes after he woke up he saw her yawn , open her eyes , and stretch her arms . When she opened her eyes she saw him smiling at her . The memories of the previous night came back to her and Dean could tell that she was uncomfortable . He wrapped his arm around her and brought her close . In a way this made her uncomfortable . " I wasn 't until you brought it up . I still can 't believe he did that . So because I have depression and tried to take my life just one time he thinks that he needs to be the one to put me out of my misery so I 'm not sad all the time . He wanted to be the one to put me out of my misery so that it wouldn 't have been suicide . I wasn 't aware of this , but the whole world heard my story about my parents . I thought it was only Bray that was listening and I trusted him . I never told him before , but somehow he knew that I had depression and he told the whole world . " " Well I couldn 't just let you drown … I had to do something . You were kind of tied down to a chair so it 's not like you could have made it back to the surface . " " I didn 't . Look I really over reacted that night on Smackdown . You told me that you didn 't like me and I lost it . I actually should have known better than to think that you would like me . I was always afraid of getting my heart broken so I never gave love a chance . I started to get this crush on you and I kind of followed you around , so when you told me that you didn 't like me I felt like my heart was broken and I just wanted the pain to go away . Bray was there for me that night , but he just wanted to make me feel comfortable around him . He tried to kill me … this was out of nowhere , and at the time I wasn 't sad or anything . He threw me off the bridge . You went in after me and you saved my life . I can 't thank you enough for that . " " It 's no problem … I feel like I 'm sort of responsible for your trust issues . I did tell you that night on Smackdown that I didn 't like you . I should have said that , I let my anger get the better of me . You were out there on the ring apron and Dolph pushed me into you and you fell on the floor . I was a little concerned because I thought you got hurt . But why wouldn 't I like you ? You 're a nice , beautiful girl , you 're different from the rest , and that makes you special . " " So that one night on Raw after you and Roman took out The Wyatt Family you had me in the ring alone … I was thinking you were out there to get back at me for having The Wyatt Family attack you . You even had a chair in your hand and I thought you were going to hit me . But instead … you kissed me . If you supposedly didn 't like me , then why did you kiss me ? " " The moment you joined Bray I had a feeling that things weren 't right . I attacked The Wyatt Family for two reasons … One because they attacked me first , and two … I did it for you . I was just having a little fun with the chair . I was just playing around . A real man doesn 't hit a woman , I wasn 't about to hit you . Bray crossed the line when he hit you . The kiss … I had only seen you a few times and when I saw you that night , I thought you were absolutely beautiful . You 're what five foot tall ? You had on a plain white shirt and jeans , and your hair was braided in pigtails . You were adorable and I 'm surprised that I never really noticed how beautiful you were before . " " So it just so happened that you were trapped in the corner and I had you right where I wanted you . It hurt to see you cry in front of me . I just wanted to show you that I wasn 't there to hurt you and that I just wanted you to trust me . I think you were making a big mistake by staying with Bray . He kept telling you that he loved you , but if you love someone , you don 't smack them in the face . " " He said he was teaching me a lesson . He told me not to trust you . So you kiss me , and then we don 't see each other for a whole week . I think that was a confusing time and we both might have needed time to think . " Neither of them had really moved . They were just laying around talking . Abby had brought up their kiss on Raw because she couldn 't get it out of her head . Dean was thinking about it too , but only because she brought it up . He saw that she was sort of uncomfortable and decided to have a little fun . He sat up and she glanced at his shirtless body and he laughs a little . She could tell he was joking around and laughed , but turned red anyway . He laughed along with her as they looked at each other . A few moments later things calm down as their eyes met . " I still don 't know if you trust me , and I don 't know if I deserve you trust , but I 'm going to be there for you . Don 't worry about Bray . He 's not going to come near you , not while I 'm around . I 'm not going to let him hit you or hurt you again . " Things had calmed down a lot and she didn 't know if it was the tone of his voice of the words he was saying but she felt safe and that she could believe him . She was lost in her thoughts and didn 't notice him moving closer to her until his face was right in front of hers . Her eyes widened in shock for a moment as she came back to her senses . His face was a few inches away from hers . He stopped when he saw the look on her face . When she saw him stop it made her a little sad . She was shocked at first but realized that maybe he was going to kiss her again so when he stopped she was a little disappointed . They were still a few inches away , he only stopped because he wasn 't sure what she was thinking . He had a blank look on his face . She couldn 't tell any hint of emotion , but she gave him a little smile showing him that it was ok as she moved into his lips . He was actually surprised because usually he was the one to make the first move . He was glad that she wanted this and he took control . They closed their eyes and enjoyed the kiss . They both wanted this , ever since their kiss on Raw , all they wanted was to kiss each other again . As they kissed he lost control of his thoughts and leaned over on top of her and his hands started wandering around her body . She felt his hands start to move under her shirt and she started having a fight within her brain . Part of her wanted him to stop while the other part of her wanted him to keep going . Then her more reasonable side made her stop kissing him as she came to her senses . She took her hands and started pushing him away . She didn 't even notice or care that he called her Abby . She was freaking out . Once she changed , she grabbed her stuff and left the room and went down to the lobby . She was surprised when she saw a few other people from WWE down there . Natalya was one of her friends , but they didn 't always hang out so Natalya had to be caught up on what 's been going on . She was just as surprised to see Abby as she was to see Natalya . " Um Bray had you thrown off a bridge and the Dean Ambrose jumped in after you . The camera man stopped filming and moved onto something else when Dean jumped off the bridge … People were thinking that you were dead . Tell me what happened . What are you doing here ? " " Well … as you know . . . I do suffer from depression and it just so happened that I have to live in my car . So Bray overhears me one night … along with the rest of the world apparently and I was about to take my life when he stopped me . So he played around acting like a big brother to me and told me that he loved me and took me in as family and all of this other stuff . He says that he didn 't want to see me suffer anymore and he didn 't want me committing suicide so he thought he was doing the right thing out of love I guess and he was going to put me out of my misery . So he had me tied to a chair and he had Erick Rowan and Luke Harper throw me over . I guess he felt a little bit guilty and couldn 't do it by himself . " " So tell me about Dean Ambrose . I heard you got to meet him , and the talk is that you have a little crush on him . He is absolutely adorable and I think the two of you would make a great couple . " " This isn 't story line … this is real . Dean Ambrose said that he wanted to get me away from The Wyatt Family because he didn 't like the idea of me being with them . Then one night on Raw he beats up The Wyatt Family and gets me alone in the ring . He had told me before that he didn 't like me and I had them go out and attack him so I thought he was coming out to get back at me , but instead he kisses me . As for the bridge … I 'm glad Dean Ambrose was there to save me that night . I 'm telling you the truth when I tell you this … I actually died because I was tied to the chair and I ran out of air . Dean Ambrose found me and saved me . He brought me here last night . I couldn 't exactly go back to Bray after he tried to kill me . " " We kissed again for the first time since Raw a few weeks ago … this time it was a heated kiss . I lost my mind for a moment , but things got out of control . Things almost went a little too far for me . I didn 't feel comfortable about this . He started putting his hands under my shirt . I wasn 't exactly ok with that . I think he 's looking for me . I 've got to get out of here I 've got to avoid him and The Wyatt Family … I 'll meet you at the next town . " Abby left the hotel as fast as she could and made it to her car . Her emotions were all over the place . She was scared because she couldn 't believe what almost happened between her and Dean Ambrose and she was also scared because she had the feeling that Bray could be around any corner . She was upset with herself because part of her wanted to give in and let Dean take control . She felt like she had taken a step backwards . She had that sad feeling in her head again that she blew it with him and that she was going to end up living out of her car again . She wiped away a few tears , but got in her car so she could go to the next town . Part of her wanted Dean Ambrose to come out and stop her from leaving . " I 'm such an idiot . I blew it . She 'll never trust me now . I can 't run after her . She 's already running away , but if I run after her she 'll freak out even more . I should just give her the space she needs and hopefully I 'll catch up with her at the next town , apologize , and hopefully we can move on . " " I screwed up ok ! I took things too far and she freaked out and left me . Just when I think I was getting her to trust me , I made a stupid mistake and she freaked out and left me . She 's probably going to go back to Bray . He 's the only guy she trusts . The guy tried to kill her , but she still trusts him . " " Calm down man . We need to get ready and go . Maybe the ride to the next town will calm you down . When we get to the next town you can talk to her about it . " " Hello is Dean in there ? I 'd like to talk to him . This isn 't like you at all . What is it about this girl that 's changed you ? " " She 's different from every other girl I 've met . Even with the type of guy that I am , she brings out the good in me . I know she won 't admit it , but I think she needs me . " " I saw her leaving out of my window . She didn 't look like she was too happy . It seemed like she had a lot on her mind . " As Abby was driving down the road , her mind kept wondering back to Dean Ambrose . The kiss they shared earlier that day was still on her mind , it was as if she could still feel his kiss on her lips . She felt like slapping herself in the head . She may have ruined one of the only relationships she could have ever had because she was scared . She wasn 't sure if it was a relationship or not , but she was sure they weren 't just friends . Friends don 't really go that far . She still had an eerie feeling in the back of her mind . She didn 't have the radio on because it distracted her and she liked to hear her thoughts . She thought she was losing her mind because she swore that she heard someone calling her name . The voices sounded familiar , but she was thinking that maybe she was just being paranoid , but then the voices got a bit louder , but not above a whisper . The voices kept calling her name . Little did she know was that she wasn 't alone . She had a lot of stuff in the back seats of her car , but she had several blankets because she would use them when she had to sleep in her car . Little did she know was that three very familiar people were riding in the car with her . They were hiding under the blankets . Those three people decided to make their presence known . They took off the blankets and slowly sat up still whispering Abigail . When Abby looked in the rear view mirror she saw the face of none other than Bray Wyatt and his family . She screamed and lost control of the wheel , went off the road and crashed into a tree . Luckily for her she wasn 't going very fast so the crash wasn 't very severe , but she did end up hitting her head and busting it open . The bad news is , it was at a place out in the open country side so no one really saw what happened . Since the guys in the back were tall strong guys , the crash didn 't affect them at all . She couldn 't move because her seat was so close to the wheel . Bray moved from his spot and moved her seat where it leaned her back so he could look at her . He could see that she was bleeding from her head and that she may lose consciousness . She screamed , but couldn 't move . Luke Harper and Erick Rowan were holding her down . Bray finds a soft tissue and gently wipes the blood from her head . There was nothing that Abby could do and no one was around to help her . She was slowly losing consciousness from her head injury . She closed her eyes as she realized that there was nothing she could do . Bray continues to apply pressure so the bleeding would slow down . This was the last thing she heard before she passed out . The Wyatt Family get out and get her out of her car . She wasn 't that heavy so Bray actually decided to take her in his arms and carry her . Bray actually knew where he was going so he didn 't have to walk very far . The Wyatt Family had many places to call home . Bray kissed her forehead even though there was still blood on it , and smiled down at her . Abby woke up on a couch looking up at a ceiling . She was confused , she wasn 't sure where she was . The room she was in was mostly dark , except for the dim light in the corner of the room . She had a blanket on her , it must have been cold that night . She sat up only to feel dizzy and her head aching . She could feel stitches in her head and she layed back down and closed her eyes . This seemed to relieve some of the pain . She didn 't remember how this happened she didn 't really remember anything about the previous day . She wasn 't alone in that room , she had someone watching over her as she slept . Bray smiles at her . He chuckles to himself . She didn 't remember what happened the day before . When she hit her head , it must have caused her to have amnesia . She still knew who he was , but she must not have known what he did . " I 've been here all night watching over you like I normally do . You took a bad bump to the head . Don 't you remember the accident ? " " You were in a car accident Abigail . You were lucky that the boys and I found you when we did . You had a very bad cut on your forehead . I stitched it up for you last night . " " Because I was there when the accident happened . An ambulance would have to find you , and you needed immediate help . You passed out from lack of blood and I knew I had to take care of that cut on your head as soon as possible . I 've done my fair share of stitching people up so I carefully stitched you up . I watch over you every night while you sleep so that I know that you are safe , but last night I was really concerned about you . I didn 't know if you would make it through the night . " Bray was right about one thing , her car was totaled . Roman and Dean were on their way to the next town when they saw the car 's front end wrapped around the tree . At first he didn 't think much about it because anyone could have the same type of car . There was just this uneasy feeling that wanted him to stop . " I know it 's her car . I saw some of the stuff inside . It 's her stuff , this is her car . She had an accident . " " It 's my fault . . . I went too far and I drove her away . She was freaked out by what I did and she couldn 't think straight . This is my fault . " " Take it easy man , you don 't know what happened , it is not your fault , anything could have happened . Maybe you weren 't the only thing on her mind . She was with The Wyatt Family . She 's been scared of Bray finding her . That could have caused this . " Roman knew that Dean had it bad for this girl and knew that they wouldn 't be getting to the next town on time . He drove Dean to the nearest hospital , but the nurse told them that there was no one by the name of Abby at their hospital . That hospital was the only one for fifty miles so that was the only one she could have been at . Roman wasn 't exactly happy with Dean after wasting his time . Dean knew that something was wrong . He knew it was her car that they saw . " Nothing happened to her . She did not get into an accident , that was not her car . You 've got it so bad for her . Just admit it , you 're in love with her . " When The Wyatt Family got to the next town , Bray took Abby to the trainer 's room . The doctor noticed that she had a bump on her head right next to the stitches she had . The doctor didn 't know what happened , and didn 't ask what happened , he just diagnosed her with a concussion and told her to stay out of the ring for two to three weeks . There was an on screen segment with The Wyatt Family concerning Abby 's concussion He didn 't bring up what he did . " I remember you saving my life . I was thinking about committing suicide and you showed up and saved me . You 're only doing what 's best for me . " " Dean Ambrose caused my state of depression , he broke my heart , and he tried to hurt me . Thank goodness for you Bray , you were there to stop him . You 've always been there for me . " I don 't get it . . . Abby I think you have some memory issues because you seem to think that I 'm the bad guy . If I remember correctly , you seemed to enjoy kissed me that week on Raw , and if my memory serves me correctly , I do believe that Bray Wyatt was the man that threw you off a bridge last week . " You see Abigail . . . it wasn 't even him that jumped into the water after you . It wasn 't even you tied up . Remember what I told you about Hollywood and their movie magic . None of this was coming back to her . She was just confused and didn 't know who to believe . Her emotions got the better of her and she was angry , yet sad and confused at the same time . " Stop ok ! Both of you . I 've heard enough . I honestly don 't know who is lying and who is telling the truth . I was in an accident and I hit my head . I can 't remember much from last week , what I remember last was Bray taking me in . What I remember about Dean Ambrose was that you tried to attack me , but if what you say is true , then I don 't know if I want to stay with you anymore Bray . " " I get it now . . . Abby was on her way to the next town when all of a sudden she looks in her mirror and sees you . You snuckinto her car and she freaked out and drove off the road and into a tree . I saw her car on the side of the road . She wasn 't in a hospital because you kidnapped her . Why ? Because you love nothing more than to have control of people . Lucky for you Bray that she doesn 't remember the insane freak that you are . " " You think you know what 's best for her ? You were the one that drove her into a state of depression and attempted suicide . Tell us what you want Abigail . " She runs backstage and broke down into tears . Her head was spinning and hurting . It was hard for her to breathe , she wanted to get away from Dean Ambrose , and she wanted to get away from Bray Wyatt . She needed time to think and sort things out . The more she tried to think , the more her head hurt . She felt naucious and she was still having a hard time breathing and she passed out . Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt were looking for her , but someone else found her passed out and took her to the trainer 's room as soon as they found her . ( To be continued . . . So Abby / Abigail is having memory problems . She doesn 't remember if it was Bray or Dean that she should have been trusting . Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt were both looking for her , but someone else found her first . The question is who ? ) Abby woke up hearing familiar voives . When she woke up she had a massive headache . She saw the WWE doctor and realized that she was inIhe trainer 's room . The last thing she remembered was passing out in the hallway . She wasn 't alone , she loked around the room and saw Roman Reigns . " It 's all coming back to me now . I couldn 't remember what happened over the past week and I ended up back with Bray Wyatt . I wasn 't sure if I should have believed him or Dean Ambrose . The last time I saw Dean Ambrose , things may have went a little too far . Then again it could have just been me . I 've always been afraid of ending up like my mom . I 've never gave love a chance . I almost feel like I can trust Dean Ambrose , like I could love him , but I 've never really been in love before so I 'm still scared . I don 't know what to expect . " " Yeah . I 've never seen him like this before . He 's had girlfriends before , but you must really mean something to him . While we were on the road , he was so convinced that you were in an accident , and he was sure that it was his fault . " " But I was in an accident . It wasn 't his fault . The Wyatt Family must have hid in my car . I kept hearing someone calling my name , but I was thinking maybe I was going crazy . Then I finally look in my rear view mirror and I see Bray . It was my own fault . I saw him , freaked out , and lost control of the wheel . Then I guess I passed out . I had a bad scratch on my head and I was loosing blood . I guess he took me somewhere against my will . " " That 's Bray Wyatt for you . He 's always wanting to be in control of people . Luke Harper and Erick Rowan aren 't in their right minds and Bray isn 't either . Then again he knows what he 's doing , they look up to him like he 's some kind of role model . They think he 's helping them , but really he 's just using them . He likes to be in control of people , all they do for him is make it seem like he 's unbeatable . They come out to the ring to intimidate people and whenever it seems like Bray is going to lose , they get involved and cause the disqualification . So then technically the other person wins , but it doesn 't matter because then you 're going to get a beat down . So you remember everything now ? " " I remember that Bray tried to throw me off a bridge and kill me . So he thinks that since I suffer from depression and since I tried to take my life one time that he needs to be the one to put me out of my misery . Then again , he had Erick Rowan and Luke Harper to throw me off the bridge . Maybe he felt too guilty to do it himself . " Roman and Abby talked for a little while longer until Dean Ambrose burst into the trainer 's room . He had looked everywhere else for Abby and was hoping to find her before Bray did . He was relieved , but slightly confused at the sight in front of him . " For leaving and making you think that it was your fault that I got into an wasn 't your fault . Somehow The Wyatt Family snuck into my car and when I finally realized they were in my car with me I freaked out and lost control of the wheel . I 'm sorry I made you think it was your fault . I never should have left in the first place . One part of me wanted to stay , but I was afraid . I just don 't want to end up like my mom . Since I do have depression , I 'm afraid to give love a chance . I don 't know if I could handle a bad breakup . " No I should have gave you a chance . I can 't keep letting what happened with my mom bother me . Just because she never had a good relationship doesn 't mean that I shouldn 't give one a chance . " It had been several weeks since she 's been in a match . At first the doctor thought that she may have had a concussion , but she was medically cleared to complete . The last match she had was against AJ , but that match ended in chaos when Dean Ambrose came out to attack The Wyatt Family . Since that match never officially ended , The Authority decided to put her in a match for the Diva 's championship . Abby was so excited about this that she nearly forgot that she was trying to avoid The Wyatt Family . Dean Ambrose didn 't say anything , but he was going to come out with her to watch out for The Wyatt Family . AJ came out first , then Abby . The match was about to start when Dean Ambrose 's music hit . Abby was almost confused as to why he was out there , but remained focused on her opponent as the bell rang . Dean went over to the commentary table and sat down . JBL was the first one to speak . " While we 're talking about Bray Wyatt , you and him have had mainly a war of words , but the two of you have had quite the rivalry going on over the past few weeks . It all started with that woman in the ring . Abigail or Abby whatever you want to call her , she 's been involved with you and Bray . It 's weird though . At first it seemed like she had a crush on you , then when you didn 't want anything to do with her , she lost her mind and Bray Wyatt took her into his family . Then out of the blue you come out and attack The Wyatt Family . You kiss her in the ring and Bray goes and throws her off a bridge . You jump in after her and then no one sees or hears from either of you for a week . Then tonight she shows up here with The Wyatt Family like she doesn 't know what happened . Could you explain that ? " She ended up driving in her car and The Wyatts snuck in her car so when she saw them she freaked out and drove off the road . Then I guess Bray took her from her car . She had a bad bumo and a scratch on her head . I guess that was from the accident . I guess it caused her to forget some things . Then backstage someone found her and took her to the trainer 's room . She must have hit her head again because now she remembers everything . I guess the doctor cleared her to compete and The Authority put her in a match . I came out here to stand guard I guess . I 'm watching out for The Wyatts . Surely by now they know she 's out here so when they come out , I 'll be ready . " " Isn 't it ironic ? The Shield used to play the three on one numbers game . Now Dean Ambrose is the one fighting against three other men . " Since Abby was finally being herself again she wasn 't planning on using Bray 's move Sister Abigail . It was an uphill fight for the title . AJ was trying to intimidate her during the match . " Aw . . . poor Abby . She 's been scared lately . I see your boyfriend over there . Oh wait . . . he 's not your boyfriend is he ? He doesn 't love you , he feels sorry for you because Bray is after you . Aw . . . poor Abby has depression . I hope you don 't cry too much and try to take your life once you lose this match . " Abby was tired of listening to AJ . She was currently in AJ 's Black Widow submission hold but somehow reversed it and put AJ in a submission hold of her own . Now it was AJ 's turn to scream in pain . She tried to reach the bottom rope to force the break but Abby pulled her away from the ropes and applied the hold even tighter . Aj was in the center of the ring and had no where to go . Just as AJ was about to tap out the lights go out . AJ wasn 't playing around . As soon as the lights went out she got out of the ring and ran up the ramp . Once the lights went out , Dean Ambrose got in the ring and stood beside Abby . The lights came back on and Bray was standing at the top of the ramp . " I was overreacting . It 's not my fault that I have depression . I didn 't want anyone to know about it , but you went and told the whole world . " He leans down to her face and kisses her . The whole crowd cheered and whistled at them . Abby was shocked , but quickly got over the shock and kissed him back . There were fireworks going off in her head and her heart was doing somersaults . This only made Bray mad . " Don 't listen to him Abigail ! Don 't you listen to his lies ! He doesn 't care about you , not like I only reason why I did what I did was to put you out of your misery . I hate seeing people suffer . I don 't want you to suffer anymore Abigail , you 've been through enough already . I wanted to be the one to put you out of your misery so it wouldn 't have been suicide . " Yet you didn 't . You couldn 't do it yourself so you had dumb and dumber over there do it for you . You 're the one that doesn 't care about her . You don 't care about her , you just want to have power and control over her like you do Harper and Rowan . " Abby did what he said and she ran through the crowd of fans . She didn 't look back , but she knew what was going to happen . He was going to stand in the ring and try to take on the whole Wyatt Family . She didn 't want to look back and see him getting beat down because of her . She made her way to the top of the stairs before she finally decided to turn around . When she did , what she saw surprised her . While she ran , Dean Ambrose left the ring only for a second to grab a steel chair . Bray stayed back and sent Erick Rowan and Luke Harper into the ring first . They were the first ones to feel the sting of the steel chair . Bray thought that he was being smart . While Dean was busy with Harper and Rowan , he snuck in the ring and thought he 'd attack . While Dean Ambrose was used to being on the other end of three on one situations he had the situation under control . Harper and Rowan were down for the moment so he turned his attention to Bray Wyatt . He not only hit Bray with the steel chair , but put the chair on the ground and hit Bray with his move Dirty Deeds and Bray 's head hit the chair and he was out . Dean looked out into the crowd and up the stairs where he saw Abby at the top . He pointed up at her and smiled at her . She smiled back at him as he made his way up to her . When he got up to her he took her hand in his and they walked out of the arena together . Once they were sure that they were alone they started talking again . Or at least they thought they were alone . Someone was watching them . " I know , but will it ever really be over ? I can 't help but look over my shoulder now and think that they 're right behind me . Especially since the issue with my car . " Talking about her car got her thinking . The more she thought about it the more upset she got . Dean saw this and wrapped his arm around her concerned . " Wait a minute . . . I 'm not staying with The Wyatt Family , and now . . . I don 't really have a car to live in anymore so what am I going to do ? " " I don 't know if I should . I mean . . . you would really let me stay with you ? I don 't know . . . I really don 't want to be a burden . " " Abby . . . after all we 've been through . . . you 're not a burden to me . Listen . . . this isn 't something I say very often and I know we 've only known each other for about a month , but we 've already been through a lot together . Look . . . I 'm really not good with things like this , but I guess I 'm really just trying to say . . . I love you Abby . " Dean avoided looking at her for a minute . He didn 't know what she would say or do . Abby was shocked . She was sure that she was hearing things . Dean still didn 't look at her . She was so happy and excited that she kissed him . The kiss was short because he stopped it and started laughing . It was about ten months later , Dean and Abby have been happily dating . Dean was right , Abby hasn 't had a run in with The Wyatt Family since that night on Raw . It had been ten months since they started going out . For the most part , they kept their relationship quiet from everyone because the last thing they wanted was a bunch of people bothering them . So one night on Raw , Abby was confused as to what was going on . This would be the night that they make their relationship known . Dean kept telling her to keep looking out at the crowd . The crowd started getting loud and excited and they all started pointing towards the ring . Dean grabbed her hand and got her attention . She was absolutely speechless once she looked at him . He was down on one knee and there was a ring right in front of her . " Abby . . . I 've never been the type of guy that would fall in love , but over the past ten months or so you 've made me do so many things I would never do . You bring out the best in 've been through good times and bad times , but we 've gotten through them together . I 'm in love with you Abby . Will you marry me ? " It was hard for them to get a moment alone that night , but it was worth it . What they wanted to prove to each other was that they weren 't ashamed of their relationship . It was one of the happiness days of her life . She was going to be married soon . Finally she found someone that would love her , someone she could love and someone she could trust . WWE Forums is the number one site worldwide for wrestling discussion , news , and rumors . Join our community of over 5000 members to discuss WWE , TNA , Ring of Honor , NJPW , and other indie promotions , with weekly live discussion threads for every Raw , SmackDown and every pay - per - view event . Become part of a great community of members who have one thing in common , a love for wrestling ! |
So Ryan has had a few check - ups with this one doctor that he really likes . You could say he that he loves him ! Here 's the dr . preparing to see his patient . . . Here daddy gets the duct tape of medical supplies . . . the band aid . . . it can fix anything ! No check up would be complete without a listen to the heartbeat ! Notice how Aiden listens to Ryan 's knee ? Ryan said it must mean Aiden will be a Greenville College student ! : ) These next few weeks will be a flurry of follow up visits for Ryan ! Of course since he was first treated at Hurley , most of his appointments are in Flint . Yesterday and today we found ourselves going to Flint . Yesterday was his appt with the oral surgeon who worked on his jaw that was broken in 2 places . He had one plate put in his chin and that fracture is healing nicely . . . yeah ! He also had a break further up his jaw and that is why he had his mouth wired shut . That is healing nicely as well , and he said to come back in 2 weeks to have the wires cut ! Ryan was secretly hoping to have them cut yesterday ! He is so ready to be done with that ! On the way home he was looking at all the restaraunts off the highway and practically drooling ! I kept hearing , " Mmm , Rally 's . Mmm , Buffalo Wild Wings . Even that 99 cent crunchy burrito on that Taco Bell sign sounds good . " Sometime after that Mike said , " You should hang out with Angie . " I laughed so hard ! My sister Angie is about 20 weeks pregnant and everything sounds really good to her right now too ! Today he had an appt with the hand surgeon . We decided to make it a double date and have Mike and Ang take us down . . . they are just so much fun ! We just had our first double date with them over Thanksgiving weekend at Buffalo Wild Wings . Ryan is really so glad he had wings and his favorite onion rings that day ! We laughed a lot on the way down . One thing I remember is my sister was talking about baby furniture and car seats . Ryan commented that she should look for one that 's been in an accident . . . . you know those work ! Here 's what happened when we first arrived for our appointment : Ryan : It 's not going to work that way ! Nurse : Oh ! Well , I didn 't read your file . Mike : It 's okay . It 's so long I wouldn 't have read it either . Besides , we 'd really like to be seen sometime today . Ryan then told us about another nurse from Hurley that had come to prep him for hand surgery . She was reading through his file and after awhile she stopped and looked up at him . She continued to flip pages and read some more then looked up again and said , " You 've been busy ! " He replied , " I ran with the bulls in Pamplona . " So back to today 's appointment . Ryan had some broken bones in his hand just above the wrist . He had 3 pins put in to hold the bones together . The pins stick out of his hands and they have small yellow caps on them . Then the hand is wrapped in gauze and had a hard splint on it . Today 's x - ray showed that his hand his healing well so the dr . pulled the pins out and put on a regular cast . You should have seen the pins come out ! The dr . yanked them out with a pair of pliers ! And they were like 4 - 5 inches long ! We left with a " gumby green " cast ! I know the appt sounds short and sweet , however it really took awhile . His appt was at 1 : 00 and we had to go down for an x - ray and then back up to the dr 's office . We hadn 't had lunch before the appt , and when I walked into the waiting room after having the x - ray I noticed a hospital tray of food on a nearby chair . I was eyeing the sandwich that looked too yummy for a hospital tray . The owner of said tray must have noticed the way I was drooling . He said , " You can have that sandwich . No one has touched it or even breathed on it . " Of course I said , " No thank you . " However , when he stood up to leave he put the sandwich in my hands and he gave my sister a container of chili . The sandwich looked and smelled really good , but should I eat food from a stranger ? And should I eat it in front of Ryan , who couldn 't eat anything ? Finally , I gave in ! The smell was too good , and I was feeling a bit light headed from not eating ! I ate the sandwich from a stranger ! Ryan kept eyeing the bacon and said he could smell the mayo . The chili did not get eaten , but only because we did not have a spoon . We did offer Ryan a sip of chili through the straw , but he passed on that . It 's been several hours since I ate the sandwich and I haven 't been sick yet . So it must be safe to assume that God provided a lunch for me and Mike ( he ate the other half ) in a most unexpected way ! It 's been such fun spending time with my honey , my sister and her honey these last few days . I 'm excited for the day when we can go on a double date again . . . . one that doesn 't involve a visit to a medical center ! We had a wonderful Christmas together , celebrating as a family . . . . even my sister Ang and her husband Mike were with us ! We were so glad to have Ryan home with us for Christmas ! These are a few of my favorite Christmas pictures . . . . . Having him home for Christmas meant he was also with us for another special celebration . . . . . our Emma girl turned 10 ! Double digits ! ! It meant so much to her to have daddy there for her birthday . It meant so much to me to be able to share that day with him watching our little girl , and reflecting back on how life changed on that Christmas Day 10 years ago ! All weekend we were reminded of how blessed we are to be able to share these special times with our family . We have cherished each moment . . . even the ones when the kids were bickering or spilling juice on the carpet . I am just happy that they are still here to spill their juice . . . and that I am here to clean it up ! I just love that we are all together in this picture ! ! Just a few weeks ago not many people believed this would be possible ! We were told Ryan would be in the hospital for months ! It 's not even 4 weeks since the accident and he is home ! God has done some amazing healing in my husband 's body . All the doctors are amazed at how quickly he has been healing . It is a wonderful Christmas gift to be able to celebrate the birth of our Savior as a family . Our prayer is that if you have not accepted God 's most precious gift to you , the salvation that comes through His Son , Jesus Christ , that you would consider giving your life to Him today . If you do already know Him as your Savior , we pray that you will seek to know Him even more in the coming year . Thank you so much for your prayers for our family . To quote my dear friend Jami , this Christmas may be different for us , but His gift remains the same . Praise God , His gift remains the same ! ! We are grateful for the peace that comes from serving God and accepting His gift . Merry Christmas ! He 's home ! ! He 's home ! ! He 's home ! ! The kids and I were just bursting with excitement to see him today ! Coming home went well and he was able to get all settled in his bedroom . This is the second time in our married life that he has lived in his parents house ( we all lived w / them about 2yrs ago when we sold our home . ) Although we won 't be sleeping under the same roof , at least we 're in the same zip code ! ! It just feels better ! Before we left tonight he sat in his wheelchair and joined us all in the living room . To be honest I think he enjoyed all the noise the kids were making . . . . . for a few moments anyways ! ! It was only the second time since the accident that all 5 of us have been together . I will try to post pics soon . First , I need some sleep ! It 's official ! ! He 's moving out tomorrow ! ! His parents are picking him up around lunch time and a nurse will be at the house when he gets there to help him get settled in . I talked to him tonight , and he is excited to be coming home . He 's a little nervous about learning how to get around in a new environment , but I think that 's to be expected . Please be praying for a smooth transition for him . His family has been busy today building a wheelchair ramp and rearranging furniture . The report is that they are all ready for him over there ! I am so thankful for them and for all of their help in caring for him ! Today was a good day at our house . I ventured out with all 3 kids by myself ! We went to Jenn 's for a few hours . It 's only a few miles from here and I drove like a granny . . . . 35 all the way there ! It was wonderful spending time with friends and it felt good to be doing something " normal " again . We had some wonderful meals delivered by some families from the Midland Homeschool Group . It means so much to have the support of the local homeschooling community . Some of the families that provided meals have never even met us before . We appreciate your thoughtfulness . . . . thank you so much ! ! We have been doing fairly well here without my mom , although we miss her quite a bit ! Aiden called me from his bed last night and when I went in he asked me , " Where 's Nanny ? " It made me sad to tell him that she went home ! Lil ' guy didn 't fully understand that when she walked out the door that morning it would be awhile until he saw her again ! Joy spent most of today with us . She has been very helpful and fun to have around ! We even had some quiet time in the afternoon , so I made a pot of coffee and we used the really good creamer ! ! May I just say the white chocolate mudslide is yum - o ! ! I even think it makes cracked ribs feel better ! Also , there is a possibility of Ryan coming home on Wednesday . So for those of you thinking of visiting him , you may want to check before heading out . If the ramp can be built and everything else in place , they will discharge him on Wednesday . I can 't wait for him to come home ! ! Early November we set the box out on our kitchen table and we keep several slips of paper and a pen nearby . The idea is that we write down things we are thankful for and put them in the box . On Thanksgiving we open them up and read what has been written on the slips of paper . Well , since we were in IL for Thanksgiving we did not open our box on Thanksgiving Day . We had planned to open it once we returned home . When I came home from the hospital there was the Thankful Box still on the table . Since there was a Christmas tree in the house I decided we had to open the box before we decorated the tree . Emma , Moriah and I each pulled out a stash of slips and we read them in turn . This is my last night having my mom here . She arrived the day after the accident with my sister Ang and her husband Mike . She has literally not left my side since ! She stayed with me in the hospital and has been here helping me with the house and children since I have been home . I remember when she first came into my hospital room , around midnight I think , and suddenly it felt as if everything was going to be okay . Even at my age ( almost 29 : ) it 's nice to have mom come and tell you everything is okay . Although the circumstances were not what I would choose , it has been wonderful to have my mom here for 3 weeks ! ! She has been busy changing diapers , making meals , cleaning , giving baths and taking care of me as well ! I don 't know what I am going to do without her . Actually , when the ticket was bought for her to fly back , panic set in ! I didn 't feel I was ready to be alone yet . However , a few more days have passed , and I am still wondering how we 'll do on our own , but I am not anxious . Oh , we are going to miss her ! ! ! Gretchen is taking her to MBS in the morning so she can head back to STL . Please pray for safe travels for her ! Thank you mom for being here ! I don 't know what I would have done without you ! I love you so much ! Thank you for taking good care of Emma , Moriah , Aiden , and me . I enjoyed our time together , and I am so grateful for your help ! God has given me a really amazing mom ! We are going to miss you ! Michelle Yep , that 's right ! We met with the social worker at Covenant today , and if all goes as planned , Ryan will be home next Thursday ! ! Just in time for Christmas ! ! Having daddy here for Christmas is all the girls have been asking for ! ! We are planning on him staying at Tim and Jan 's for awhile . It will be easier for him to manuever a wheelchair there than in our home , and he may get a bit more quiet time there also ! He will be close enough we can visit everyday ! The road to recovery is still long , he has 6 wks left before he can begin to bear any weight on his legs . The jaws will be shut for another 3 - 4 wks . . . . I think that is what he hates the most right now . Yesterday my mom and I took the kids down to see him . It was the first time he has seen Aiden since the accident . Aiden was excited to see him ! Ryan couldn 't believe how much he has grown in the last 3 weeks . Here is visiting with the kiddos . . . . . Today I began my physical therapy and it went really well . My dear friend Jenn took me to my appt . and then we were off to see Ryan . He has been begging for a haircut since his days at Hurley and Jenn said she would give him one . He has complained of being hot since day 1 and he was so thrilled to have his haircut ! And it actually made him look more like the Ryan we know . Then somehow I ended up giving him a shave . . . . he has been wanting that too . I think he 's only been shaved once . It 's hard for him to do , because he wears a neck brace . They let him take the brace off if he lied down in bed and didn 't turn his head . Let 's just say I am not as good at shaving a face as Jenn is at cutting hair ! It was like shaving a giant knee . . . . you girls know what I mean ! The three of us had fun together , as usual . Somewhere in there I know we threatened to sew up Ryan 's lips since he was talking all too well with the jaws wired shut ! Since I 've already mentioned my friend Jenn today , let me tell you a bit more about her . There are so many people who have helped us recently , but Jenn has been there from the start . . . . . and she hasn 't left my side since . Moments after she got the call at 11pm Sunday night she was on her way to the Midland ER . My family was several hours away and Ryan 's family had to go to Flint and take care of our kids . Jenn stayed with me until I was settled into a room for the night . She offered to stay , but I told her I was alright . I heard her leave my room and tell the nurses she would be back in the morning and that if I needed anything before then they were to call her . She was back first thing in the morning and she stayed with me all day and on until midnignt , when my family arrived . I can 't even tell you all she has done in the last 2 wks . I 'm sure I don 't even know it all . Before the accident I treasured our friendship . Since the accident I have been even more grateful for her loyalty and devotion as one of my dearest friends . And now for the shopping ! ! Thanks to some other dear friends , Kim and Erika , the girls were able to do some Christmas shopping for each other and for their dear mommy : ) The shopping was a success and they had a blast ! Thank you so much ! ! Well , no phone call in the night last night ! ! His head scan was clear so he was taken back to his room in the rehab unit . Thank you , Lord ! He did not get back to his room until 2am so he is tired today , and today is a big day for him . It 's his first day of physical therapy ! He cleaned himself up again this morning and did some therapy . He will have more therapy this afternoon . A few more things to pray for . . . his vision in his left eye , and his hearing in his right ear . He is still not able to hear much out of his right ear . His left ear seems to be okay . His vision was checked while he was at Hurley , and they said his right eye is 20 / 20 but his left is 20 / 70 . Ryan is not seeing an improvement . We talked on Saturday about his vision and I reminded him before I left to talk to his dr . about having an eye exam . As I went to leave , I told him I loved him and gave him a kiss . He said , " When I look in the mirror I think there isn 't much to love . " I told him that I love him even more now than I did 2wks ago . He said , " Maybe you need to have your vision checked . " I made it to church today ! It was so wonderfully encouraging to be able to worship with my dear brothers and sisters in Christ . It was bittersweet , in that going to church is one thing Ryan and I always do together . Although I missed him , I did get to have my mama and Jared with me in church which is a rare treat ! Ryan sounded good today . Again he was able to get himself cleaned up and ready for the day . It made me laugh when I realized that for once in our married life I can get ready quicker than Ryan ! I have always envied the fact that he could be out the door in 10 minutes after getting out of bed ! He had a chest scan done last night , and they did find a small blood clot . They are not too concerned about it and have started treating it . However , we did get a call tonight that because of his previous brain injury ( he had an AVM in 1994 . . . . that is an entirely different story ! ) they want to do a head scan tonight . So he has been taken to Covenant hospital . If they find anything on the scan he will be kept at the hospital and they will call us tonight . Please be praying the scan comes back clear , and that the blood clot will heal quickly . Thank you so much ! Well , this is Michelle . . . and it 's my first time posting ! The last post from me was actually typed by my sister since I could only hunt and peck . But look at me now ! Typing away with 2 hands ! Imagine my sister Angie 's surprise when she sees this ! ! Just to be clear , Ryan is in Covenant Health Care , Rehab Unit . The rehab unit is NOT located inside the main hospital building . . . let me know if you need help finding him ! Today was his first day in rehab , and Ryan cleaned himself up this morning and was able to get his shirt on with only a little help . He said it took him over an hour , but he did it ! Ryan 's cousin drove me down there to see him today and we had a great afternoon together ! He looked better than he did when I saw him on Thursday ! As we talked about some of things that have been going on this last week , the conversation turned to all the people who have helped us during these last 2 weeks . As I told him just some of the things people have done for us , he looked at me and said , " Isn 't it amazing ? I 'm just Ryan Roman . It must be because of you . " He went on to say that even though this is the worst thing we have been through in our lives together , it has also been amazing and wonderful . Although I may not be able to call it amazing and wonderful just yet , I do agree that we have seen our God do some amazing and wonderful things . Top on that list of amazing and wonderful things is all the support we have had from our family and friends , near and far . Ryan told me of visits / calls from friends that have really been a blessing to him . Tonight as I opened cards and read the encouraging words inside , I was amazed again at how God has used our friends to carry us through . Thank you for your words of encouragement , they soothe our soul ! Thank you for your visits . they bring us joy ! Thank you for your prayers , they strengthen us ! We are very grateful for each one of you ! Ryan is no longer in Flint , MI at Hurley Medical . They have moved him to Covenant Medical Center in Saginaw , Mi . This is a lot closer to home ( praise ! ) and also means he is stable enough to be moved ( another praise ) . So if anyone was planning on visiting him or sending him ecards you 've got to change location . Covenant does have ecards so feel free to send him some while he 's there ! The girl 's made it down to Flint and they got to see their dad for the first time . The visit went really well and I think it did them all good ( Ryan included ) . Ryan did discuss the accident and each shared what they remembered . Ryan told the girls he was very proud of the way the girls behaved the night of the accident and how good they have been since then . Everyone at the hospital is amazed at how well Ryan is doing after all he has been through . All the nurses LOVE him and were heartbroken when they found out he was married . I think Michelle put a stop to all future sponge baths . When Ryan moved last night from the trauma unit on the floor to the non - trauma side he had a new roommate . Of course , Ryan was up for a conversation . Michelle learned from the roommate this morning that he was tired and frustrated as he was spending the night in the hospital and having to change plans for a trip to Florida . He said after hearing Ryan 's story and his attitude about it , there was no way he was going to feel sorry for himself . Ryan 's story was inspirational to the new roommate . Michelle had a doctor 's appointment this morning at 8 : 15am to have her shoulder looked at . The dr . said after looking at the X - Rays that everything seems to be healing the way it should ( praise the Lord ) , and he would like her to start physical therapy . I just got off the phone with them and they were in the car driving to Flint so the girls could see Ryan . This will be the first time both of them have seen Ryan since the accident . Please be praying it goes well . Ryan has been moved to a different part of the floor , he was in like neuro trauma , now he is just in the neuro side of the floor . Michelle called his nurse ahead of time and warned her his girls were coming and if she could make him look as presentable as possible . The nurse told her that she was just amazed as to how well he is doing after all he has gone through . I wonder if they realize the amount of prayer that is going up for this guy . ~ Angie Peterson If Michelle were totally honest , putting up a Christmas tree was the furthest thing on her mind . When someone from the church asked her , while she was still in the hospital , if they could bring a tree , her response was , " yes , sure , whatever . " When the church found out Michelle was being released from the hospital , they went into " turbo speed " to get the tree into the Roman 's house . Sure enough when we returned with Michelle there was a large Christmas tree sitting in the corner of the living room . We decided if everyone was up to it , we would decorate the tree on Saturday before Mike and I left . Mike was determined to find Michelle 's totes of Christmas ornaments and decorations . He searched the garage , shed and even Chemloc ( Ryan 's work place , where they keep things in storage ) . Michelle was so exhausted she told Mike , " Just run to Dollar General and get new one 's to use this year . " That wouldn 't stop Mike 's search ; he eventually found everything he needed . We did everything " Roman " style ; including all traditions they usually partake . I made mugs of hot chocolate , we had Christmas music playing in the background and the girl 's each picked out one of their dad 's ornaments to hang on the tree first . The finished product ! Looking back on that request to put up a tree and how unimportant it seemed at the time , she can 't help but realize how grateful she is to have it ! She said it was soo good for the girls ( and herself ) to have the tree and that part of " normalcy " this time of year . It has given them something to think about other than their current situation . It has given them something to look forward to . So thanks to all of those who came together to get the tree up . Michelle , the girls and Aidan are very appreciative . Ryan 's surgery went really well today . Michelle called Ryan 's room and he asked if he could call her back cause he was so tired . Michelle did talk to a nurse and she said that Ryan has not taken any pain meds since the surgery and she is just amazed . He is one tough cookie . Jared made it to the hospital and he heard that Ryan set the record for the longest surgery at the hospital . I don 't know if that 's true or not , but it 's the rumor going around . Because of the late night last night ( the Ladies Tea ) they stayed in all day today . Mom did a lot of house cleaning , which needed to be done . Aidan spent the day at a family friends house , who happen to own a horse farm . Michelle was warned , " Dress him warm , we 'll be outside most of the day . " I don 't know who was more excited , Aidan or the friend to show off her farm to Aidan . ~ Angie Peterson Michelle and mom went to the Ladies Tea at church . This was Michelle 's first social outing since the accident . She was a bit overwhelmed by all the people and thankful for the pastor 's wife who came up to her , grabbed her hand and said , " Follow me , I 'll get you to your table . " They brought in a special comfy chair for her to use that made her feel like the queen of the party . The speaker was a lady who had been in a car accident . Michelle thought it was too soon from her own accident to hear her story so planned on leaving early . When the speaker heard of Michelle 's story , she came up to her and asked her to stay saying , " I feel you 're the reason I 'm to speak here tonight . " Someone brought over a car for mom to use until they get the van replaced . That has been helpful in getting the kids around and running some errands . Ryan sat in a chair about an hour . He has already put weight on the leg that had a rod put in . He misses us loves us and ready to come home . Michelle doesn 't think he is taking any pain medicine . . . the people at the hospital are amazed . He had a push button he could press that would give him a dose of meds and they decided to take it away cause he never used it . Posted by Michelle was able to talk to Ryan on the phone today . He is talking through the trachea so she can understand him pretty clearly and she said he sounded very normal . He told her that he was able to get up and sit in a chair for 45 minutes today ! He is already putting weight on the leg that has the rod in it . The physical therapist is already working with him . Ryan told Michelle that he is ready to get outta there , he 's ready to stand up , be home , be hugged and loved . Ryan is very motivated and shouldn 't take him long once he is moved to rehab . Ryan 's next surgery is Wednesday . This will be the surgery over his left arm , so please keep him in your prayers ! Ryan 's brother Jared flies in tomorrow and will go straight to the hospital to see him . I think that will do much good for his spirit . Today Michelle put on deodorant all by herself and she did a good enough job that it didn 't need to be reapplied . The girls still helped her get her socks on . She said she gets a little bit better every day . Today she had two jobs on her list she really wanted to get done and she got them both done ( one of them being laundry put away , she couldn 't remember the 2nd job ) but she was tired afterwards . She slept in her own bed last night , as opposed to the lazy boy she had been sleeping in . Moriah slept with her and cried a little bit . Michelle said she had the girls journal for a little bit as they seem to express themselves in writing better than verbally . ~ Angie Peterson Mike and I left my family and headed back to Illinois today . Mom stayed behind and will most likely be there for 2 weeks ; until I can get back up there over Christmas break . Today Michelle surprised us by getting dressed all on her own today as well as put on her own deodorant ! Of course , I gladly reapplied some for her just in case . Michelle got a call this morning that Ryan 's uncle and aunt were going to drive down to Hurley to see him and said they had room for one more if anyone wanted to go . She did some debating and decided to go when she heard they wouldn 't be gone for long . The nurses found out Ryan 's " honey " was coming down for a visit so washed him up and even put gel in his hair ! Ryan 's trachea is in , but he is already off the ventilator and breathing on his own . Michelle had to laugh because every time Ryan had to cough he covered his mouth even though the cough was coming through the Trach . He is being fed by an IV , but as soon as he gets the straw figured out he will be able to eat that way . He will then be able to eat whatever can be pureed . Because of his jaw being wired shut he was unable to speak . Michelle said she could understand most of what he wanted to say by his eyes and points . At one point something happened and Michelle said by the look in his eyes she knew exactly what he was thinking . I think they both liked knowing they know each other well enough and have been married long enough to have that unspoken communication . Ryan 's cousin , Rich , is going to go down and watch Monday night football with Ryan tomorrow night . He told Michelle if she wanted to come along , she could . Michelle has figured Rich will be watching football and Ryan will be sleeping , so she 's going to pass on that trip . The girls made it to church this morning . Trying to get things as normal as possible for them . Since their mom came home they have been much more open about what they remember from the accident and what they saw . I would like prayers for their little minds as I know they will never forget the images theyMichelle Roman Usually on a Sunday morning you would find the Roman family going to church together . Last Sunday , November 28th , was different . We had been in Illinois for our Thanksgiving / Christmas celebration with my family . Ryan and I met our new niece for the first time and we learned that we are soon to be an aunt and uncle again ! Oh the joy ! Leaving Illinois that day I never imagined what our journey had in store for us . During our journey back to Coleman we made a final stop in Marshall , MI . The kids picked out a snack for the last leg of the trip . We laughed as Aidan practically threw his snack of choice ( Cheetos for you inquiring minds ) up onto the counter to pay . Ryan and I held hands and even shared a kiss or two while we let the kiddos stretch their legs . As we walked out 2 ladies watched us with smiles that said a " What a cute family . " Could life get any better than this ? I was so thankful for my family . Once we were back in the van Ryan asked if I wanted a coffee from Big B ~ he knows I love a treat ! I debated and finally decided no - it wasn 't worth the calories . If I could do it over again I 'd get one ~ even if it was a million calories ! About an hour and a half after that stop in Marshall the accident happened . Instead of all of us sleeping in our home , Ryan spent the night at Hurley Medical Center , I was in Midland Hospital and our children were with family members . Our God is at work ! We serve an awesome and mighty God . All 3 of our children came out practically unscathed and I with only minor injuries - Praise God ! And Ryan , his injuries are so much more severe , but he is alive ! Some bones may be broken and crushed but his spirit , personality and sense of humor are not and neither is his love for us or his God . The road ahead is long , but we do not go alone . Please pray that God will make me into the wife Ryan needs and the mother our children need . ~ Michelle Roman About 10pm we got a call that Ryan finished his surgery . The left hand did not get done . The oral surgeon was very positive in the way things went . They were able to insert a plate through his mouth rather than creating a scar on his face and entering that way . They put in a trachea which Ryan knew was a possibility going into the surgery . They tied down his arms so when he wakes up , if there is any confusion he won 't pull anything out . His jaw is wired shut and should be for the next 5 - 6 weeks . Thanks for the prayers ! It 's 6 : 30pm and we just got off the phone with Jan . They are just now starting the jaw . It 's taking longer than what they were wanting . The face surgery took a little more than 3 hours . The eye took longer than they thought . There was more damage to the eye and nose than what they thought . They put plates and pins in his face and they may shift . If they do , it means more surgery in the future . In fixing the nose they had to pack it and because of the packing they put a trachea in which he will be breathing through for the next few days . Until they can unpack . He will be breathing through a ventilator . Pray the jaw does not go as long as expected because the doctors did not want to go longer than 10 hours . They will because they started , but they really didn 't want to . ~ Angie Peterson If you live locally and have a desire to help the Romans , first we want to thank you for the support ! And I also want you to know the church is organizing the help , donations and services so we 're not totally bombarded with phones calls , visits and food . The church , Coleman Wesleyan , has given us a list of services and a contact person to call if we 're in need of that service . That contact person has a list of volunteers who are willing to help . So if you would like to be one of those volunteers , you need to get a hold of either the contact person or the church . The church office phone number is 989 - 465 - 6431 and office hours are Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm ( according to their website , I do not know how current that is ) . The different areas of service that they have offered and contact person ( for privacy sake , I am not posting first names or phone numbers . If you want to help and do not know the person / number to contact , you can contact the church and they will put you in touch with the right person ) . Thank you so much for the support thus far . It has brought me to tears many times just seeing the love this community has poured out to my family . ~ Angie Peterson Hip and legs are done . He had the rod put in his leg . She said if he is up to it , starting as early as tomorrow he can start putting weight on it ! Not a lot , it would be minimal . . . like from his bed to a wheelchair , or chair to toilet . The facial team is in with him now . They are trying to reposition him and then they will get started . The facial team includes , ear , throat , nose and eye . There is at least 3 hours left of surgery as of right now , 1 hour with the eye doctor and 2 with the oral surgeon . Keep the prayers going ! We just got a call from Jan , Ryan 's mom , that they are finished with the hip . That part went well . They had him propped up to lay on his side to work on the him . They are moving him over to start working on the legs . The hand surgeon is waiting and the jaw surgeon was also on his way to the hospital . The surgery got started around 8 : 15am . Ryan 's surgeries start Saturday morning around 7 : 30am ( eastern time ) please be praying for him . For sure his hip , pelvic are going to get done , possibly his left arm and maybe even his jaw . They said there is a lot on the agenda and the surgery could go as late as 3 - 4 in the afternoon . Jan , Ryan 's mom , will be down there for them . If they get to the jaw , they will be wiring it shut . So prayers that he does not get sick after the surgery . Thanks for the prayers ! Here 's a picture of the entourage Michelle had when she was checking out of the hospital this afternoon . We went straight from this hospital to Ryan 's hospital in Flint . The doctor said if Michelle was up for the drive , he thought she should be okay . We told her if we get started and if at anytime she wanted to turn around to let us know and we would take her home . She made it ! I rolled her into his room and he was surprised to see her . He didn 't even know she had been released at this point . She started crying a little and he said , " What are you crying for little lady ? " I got her situated to talk to him and then left them to have some privacy . I went back up about 20 minutes later and we stayed another hour ! Michelle told me that during their private time she said , " Just think Ryan , we were only 20 minutes away from home . 20 minutes from unpacking our cars and going to bed together . Just 20 minutes away from normal . " And that 's when Ryan said , " Yeah , but I am just so blessed and thankful that the kids are all okay and you 're okay . I am thankful I got the worst of it . " He said he has had long recovery 's before so he knows what 's in store and he 's ready to get started . We made it home and a friend had Aidan and Moriah out at the mall and a family member had Emma at the movies . We had time to get Michelle situated and comfortable , pick up her prescriptions and get a cane / bathing chair from the American Legion before they came home . The kids are so excited to have her home and even Aidan is willing to help out . I got this picture of him helping his mom put on her slippers . I noticed this sticker on Michelle 's gown the night we arrived . It was midnight , we were all tired and being the first time I was seeing her I felt there was other things to discuss . When some nurses came in to adjust her positioning in bed , I heard one of them ask , " Did you get that sticker from X - Ray ? " Even though she responded in a raspy , quiet voice , I heard her say , " My son . " The next day I did ask , " Did Aidan get you that sticker from home or what ? " She told me , " No , each kid was able to come in and say good - bye to me while we were in the ER . Aidan was given the sticker from his X - ray and when he came in , he took it off himself and put it on me . " Posted by Today Mike and I spent the day at home with the kids . In the morning Mike went through some of the stuff that came from the van . Everything needs to be cleaned thoroughly because of glass , salt and other things from the accident . I spent the morning going through the suitcases , doing laundry , taking calls , responding to emails and keeping track of the 3 kids . In the afternoon , we took them down to the hospital to visit with Michelle after Aidan had his nap . Michelle was going for a walk when we arrived . I felt a little bad because Moriah wasn 't sure she wanted to see her mom , so I told if she wanted to she could wait outside the room . Well , when we were coming down the hallway Michelle was at the other end so there was no choice for Moriah , she was going to see her mom . I think it was good for Mo to see her up and moving around . I also feel it was good for them to see how much pain she is in as well as how little movement she has and how slow she is . We made it to her room and Aidan snuggled right up with her in her bed . He practiced giving her " soft " kisses so he wouldn 't be so rough when he saw her . He helped himself to Michelle 's leftover lunch . The nurse was so nice ; she went and grabbed the kids some cookies , crackers and juice . Michelle 's catheter was taken out today and she was eating well . There is a possibility she will be released tomorrow . Today she got a call from Ryan ! He didn 't even have a phone in his room , so I asked how that was possible . She said the doctor gave his phone to Ryan to use to call Michelle . Ryan is supposed to have his jaw wired shut and won 't be able to talk to her . She said it was short , she could tell he was tired and he said it was hard for him to hold the phone up . After leaving the hospital we took the kids to Kohl 's to get Moriah some new clothes . The outfit they cut off of her in the ER was brand new so we wanted to replace it . We also picked up night gowns for Michelle as she feels that is what she will be most comfortable in around the house . We want to thank whoever dropped off the KFC for dinner tonight . It was nice to return home from shopping with the kids to that nice meal . Sorry we weren 't here to thank you in person ! I did not hear a report on Ryan today . Posted by The kids are doing really well . Emma ( 9 ) has verbalized most what happened and how she is feeling . She told me tonight she wants to see her daddy . We explained it 's a long drive down to where he 's at , but maybe we can send him a video . She got excited and said she wants to see a video of him too . She has cried every night before bed . She really wants her family to be together for Christmas . Emma had a doctor 's appointment this morning ( Dec 1 ) to get checked out . She was totally cleared ! Yah ! She was able to visit Michelle after the appointment too ! Moriah had a chance to go along and after thinking about it she decided to stay home . Moriah ( 7 ) is very introverted and has kept most of it in . Tonight Emma said she wanted to see daddy , Moriah said , " I don 't want to see daddy . I 'm afraid if I see him it will make me cry . " Emma questioned her about it , and Mo said , " Yeah , don 't you remember ? I wasn 't crying but then I saw daddy and I started to cry . " Just the memory of it made her almost start to cry but she held it in . I asked was this in the ER ? and she said No . Then I asked , " In the van ? " And she said , " Yeah . " So then I continued , " Is that why you didn 't want to see mommy today ? You thought you might cry ? " She said , " yeah . " Since Emma came back with a positive report as to how their mom looks and is doing , I think that has encouraged her to go . So we have plans to run them all down to the hospital tomorrow ( Thursday ) . As far as her dad goes , I told her one of the jokes he told me while there and she replied , " That doesn 't sound like sick daddy , that sounds like normal daddy . " I think she was surprised . We tried to explain that his body is injured , but his attitude , character and sense of humor are all in good shape . Aidan ( 2 ) remembers the accident . He describes it too . He 's 2 so can 't understand all he says , but I do get , " nannys and then CRASH ! " It hasn 't affected the crashing he does with his toy cars at all though ! Today we called Michelle 's room so Moriah and Aidan could talk to her on the phone . When I was geMichelle Roman Today Michelle was allowed more solid / liquids , like cream of wheat soup and pudding . I wasn 't sure if she would be up for it , but when she woke up she said she was ready to order breakfast . Good sign ! After she ordered she said she was ready to do her breathing exercises . She knows what 's important and what needs to be done in order for her to get better . Today , Mike , mom and I went to see Ryan so left Michelle for a few hours . When we came back her IV was gone that was pumping her with her drug ( a type of morphine ) . I couldn 't believe how much her facial expressions had come back , personality , alertness and energy ! She also told us she walked all the way to the water fountain and back ( 10 - 15 feet from her room ! ) . It was good to hear and I only wish I was there to see it . Right now I believe she is only taking Motrin for pain . Tomorrow she should have no restrictions on food . Mom has been staying at the hospital the entire visit . The kids will ask occasionally if grandma is going to come home . Emma said she is just concerned about the amount of sleep grandma is getting . If you have been trying to call her on her cell , there are no cell phones allowed in Michelle 's room . Just an FYI as to why you haven 't heard back from her . I 'm copying and pasting an email from my younger sister about an update on Ryan . . . it 's information she was given by Jan , Ryan 's mom . " I just got of the phone with Jan . . . most current update as of 12 / 1 about 2 : 15 - just cause things do change . He first was going to have the jaw surgery but that has changed . He has a surgical team assigned to him and the head doctor is named Wagner . Tim 's ( Ryan 's dad ) brother Jim and wife Janet were able to talk with Dr . Wagner at the hospital today . They are planning the pelvic and hip surgery for sometime this Sat . They are hoping to do the hand surgery at the same time because it is the same guy that will do the pelvic and hip surgery and it should only add 15 to 20 min to do the hand surgery . Eye Dr . came in today and Ryan 's right eye is 20 / 20 but left eye is 20 / 70 . That may improve as swelling goes down and may get worse after the facial surgeries . The dr . said if it gets worse he can get glasses . They have been waiting on surgeries as they need the swelling to go down . Every day Jan thinks he looks better . Right now Ryan can 't move and he lies flat on his back . He does have a few vertebrae that are fractured in his neck . Jan thinks things are coming together quickly as far as his first surgeries and all the help and support from people . Nurses at Ryan 's hospital are amazed at how stable he is for all the things that are wrong with him ( praise the Lord ! ) . Tim and Jan are amazed at Ryan and Michelle 's friends / family and how quickly everyone is helping out . Now , on to our visit with Ryan . It was SO GOOD TO SEE HIM ! ! To be totally honest , I was a bit nervous to go because people had told me he doesn 't look like Ryan and his face was pretty messed up . maybe those people didn 't know what Ryan looked like because I thought he looked GREAT ! Now , great as in compared to what I was expecting . And I was told a lot of swelling had gone down , so that helped . From what I could tell it was only teeth on his left side that have been knocked out . I do not know if they will have to take out the rest in order to fix his jaw . He did not sound like himself because of the missing teeth . He has 2 black eyes and his left arm / hand is totally swollen ( that is the one that is broken ) . He had just awakened from a nap . He told us he can go about 45 minutes then gets tired again . He was in good spirits and was joking around with us . I had taken a picture of Michelle at the hospital holding some flowers he had sent her ( I don 't know who arranged that , but it was great ) and he really liked seeing her . I did ask him , " Did you know you sent her flowers ? " and he replied a bit insulted , " Of course I know I sent her flowers . " Said , " She looks great . " Then I showed him a video I had taken that morning of Aidan . I couldn 't even believe how big of a smile that got out of him . He kept telling us over and over that he was thankful for what a blessing we 've been . I don 't know if he , or Michelle for that matter , realize they couldn 't have kept us away had they asked ! I read him some of his e - cards , we hung up some pictures of his family and had a chance to pray with / for him . It was encouraging . I really wish he was closer so we could make more visits . Maybe we can get down there one more time before we leave . We did talk about the accident for a little bit . He asked how far from home were they and we told him 15 miles from Coleman . He didn 't know what hit him so we said a lady driving a Silverado truck . He only said , " I just hope she 's okay . " I couldn 't believe it ! But that 's Ryan for you . Tim and Jan raisPosted by I am so sorry . I was misinformed . Ryan 's hospital can get him ecards so please send him some too ! I can tell you it 's exciting everytime a volunteer walks in and says , " I have a card for you . " This link should take you to Hurley Hospital Ecards I am sorry I do not have much of an update on Ryan . It 's not that we aren 't curious ourselves , we 're just not given much information . We hope to go down tomorrow to visit him . I found Ryan 's cousin on facebook and this is what he had posted about Ryan on there . . . some of it was new to me , some of it I had heard . As far as Michelle knows , he is in more serious condition than herself , but no details to his injuries . She is aware that he will have some surgeries down the road and a longer recovery time . " Ryan was air lifted to Hurley Trauma Center in Flint Mich . He has multiple injuries , but he doesn 't have internal injuries . Two vertebras in his neck were fractured . He has a broken right ear drum , broken nose , crushed sinuses and ' orbit ' around left eye , jaw broken in 3 places , fractured shoulder , ball shattered in left hip socket , left hand broken , right leg shattered . His first surgery will be for the broken jaw . Jan said that she thought they had to wait for the swelling to go down . The tow truck man told my uncle that the car was probably airborne for about 50 feet . He had 150 feet of cable on his truck and couldn 't reach their vehicle . Their possessions were strewn for about 250 feet around the van . " ~ Angie Peterson Tonight I told the girls they could each read me a story before bed . Emma picked out a book about a boy who was a slave that left his owner and joined the union army . Not surprising it was a book from Grandma Nanny . Moriah said she wanted to read a Bible story and pulled out a children 's Bible . About 5 stories into the Bible Moriah was still going strong . Emma leaned over to me and whispered , " This is kind of a long book . " I laughed and told her we would stop her after awhile . Mom stayed with Michelle last night while Mike and I went on to Michelle and Ryan 's house to sleep . We got in about midnight Monday night / Tuesday morning . She was awake when we got here , but very tired . She reached for mom 's hand and thanked us for coming up . She whispered the entire time while talking . All talking that night you could tell took all her energy and just wore her out . I cried when we prayed with her . It was very hard to see her like this . Today , Tuesday , I made it over to the hospital around 11 : 30am . I felt a lot better seeing her now cause she looks better . She was talking and not as tired . Today she also got out of bed for the first time ! She took a few steps to a chair and sat down . She sat for about an hour and finally said she was too tired and needed a nap . She has been talking and very alert . She has eaten 2 popscicles : purple and orange for the inquiring minds and has had some Sprite . She has requested chicken broth for dinner . Right now she is back in the chair and looking good . She is just in a lot of pain . I 'm very encouraged . Because I 'm not with Ryan I do not have as good of an update about him . I have heard he is in good spirits . Yesterday he said , " Send my love to Michelle " and the first thing he asked about at the hospital was if the kids and Michelle were okay . Thanks for caring enough about my family to read this blog ! The MidMichigan Hospital allows you to send e - cards to patients . This is the hospital where Michelle is staying . If you would like to send your well wishes , this is the best way to do it ! Click on this Link to send an ecard This is the article from the Midland Daily News . My husband Mike told the nieces , " If you 're name ever makes the front page of the news again it better be for winning an award or something . " Please note they did get Michelle 's last name incorrect in the article . Man critical after Sunday wreck A Coleman man airlifted to a Flint hospital is in critical condition after a Sunday night crash that occurred in Jasper Township , while a Midland man remains hospitalized after he was struck by a car on Wednesday . Ackerman and the passengers in Roman 's van , Michelle Marie Brown , 35 , Moriah Christine Roman , 7 , Aiden Timothy Roman , 2 , and Emma Noelle Roman , 9 , all of Coleman , were hurt . The report states they were taken to MidMichigan Medical Center - Midland for treatment . A hospital spokeswoman said Ackerman and all three children were treated and released . Brown is not listed as being a patient there . A couple of months ago Michelle asked if I ( her sister Angie ) would help her get a blog started . She said there were memories of her kids that she wanted to document . I told her we could do it next time she visited . Of course her next visit down was for Thanksgiving and we didn 't get around to it . Well I have had so many people asking for updates on how the family is doing after the accident that I decided now would be a great time to get her blog started so I can post updates and whoever wants to access it , can . So what happened : After celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas together over Thanksgiving weekend the Roman 's were headed back home to Coleman , MI . A single - driver of a silverado truck " forgot there was a stop sign " plowing into the Roman 's van , right into the driver 's door . They were about 16 miles from Coleman when it happened . Both vehicles were traveling about the same speed which , at my guess , was probably around 60MPH . Things to be thankful for at the scene : A physician living nearby was listening to a scanner and came immediatley to help . There were other cars around when it happened so help was called immediatley . 2 families from their church came upon the accident and prayed for whoever was in the accident . And an EMT prayed with Emma when she said she was scared . Michelle has some broken ribs , a fractured shoulder blade and a bruised lung . Lots of cuts on her face , the biggest is on her forehead . Ryan got the brunt of it , being the driver and all . He was air lifted to Flint , MI . His leg is broken in 2 places , his hand is broken , pelvic bone is broken , hip bone broken , his jaw is broken in 3 places and has been wired shut . Most if not all of his teeth were knocked out . He has a lot of surgeries in store for him and a long road to recovery . The kids were all CT scanned the night of the accident and were released to go home . They stayed with Ryan 's Aunt , Janet that night . |
I had to call the cable guy out to fix my set top box . He was due to turn up this afternoon & I was dying for a poo . I held it while he checked all the error codes & couldn 't wait for him to finish up so I could go to the toilet . After about an hour he 'd found the problem & by then I was really desperate . He said he 'd have to replace the box & went out to his van to get the replacement . I wanted to run up to the bathroom while he was gone but thought he 'd be back before I was done , so I had to keep holding it . Well he actually took about half an hour to come back so I could have gone after all . When he came back he said he didn 't have the right smart card for the new box but he hoped he could re program the old card to make it work . He had to make a phone call to get the autherization code to enter the new code into the old card . It took a while to get the code he needed & by now I was close to pooing myself . He then re booted the set top box but it still wouldn 't give me any channels so there was another delay while he tried some other codes he 'd been given . After two hours the TV was working again & I couldn 't wait for the engineer to leave so I could finaly relieve my aching bowels . He packed up his tools & left . I had to go so bad I couldn 't hold it any longer & as soon as I closed the front door I leant against it & loaded my knickers . It was such a relief . I waddled up to the bathroom to clean up . I had a very embarrassing accident today . I was on my way to buy a newspaper & suddenly felt a cramp in my stomach . By the time I got to the shop I was bursting & I bought my paper & left in a hurry . As I walked home the cramps got worse & suddenly I felt a rush of diarrhea shoot into my panties . I couldn 't stop it & completely filled my panties untill it ran down my legs . I was so embarrassed wanted to die . By the time I got home my jeans were covered in the smelly brown liquid & I had to shower fully clothed before stripping off to clean up . Kirsty I went out for a run this morning with only a slight urge to go but as I got closer to home I felt the need to go getting really bad . I wanted to run a little further so I carried on past my house for another loop around the block . I was losing speed as I was hindered by runner 's diarrhea & in need for a toilet break I had to stop & find somewhere to go . There was nowhere & I was finding it hard to hold it . I was about to load my knickers so I had to squat at the side of the road in full view of everyone to release a huge load of watery diarrhoea . I didn 't want to resort to that in public but it was better than filling my knickers . I had to pull my shorts & knickers up without wiping & when I got home my knickers were stuck to my bum . I went up to the bathroom & stripped off for a shower . I had to peel my knickers away from my bum as they were so messy & had to flush them down the loo . The urge to go was returning so I sat on the toilet to release some more diarrhoea & once I was done I got in the shower to clean up . Monday , May 09 , 2011 My husband and I went to breakfast today . We 'd both taken the day off to do some spring cleaning around the house so we decided to treat ourselves before going to work . We went to a 24 hour restaurant around 9 a . m . and it was moderately busy . We ordered and ate and I felt the need for a poo coming on . Since we were going to stop by a store on the way home for some cleaning supplies , I decided I 'd go at the restaurant . I went toward the ladies ' room . An attractive young woman with a little girl about 4 years old was walking toward the restrooms in front of me . The woman looked to be about 25 to 28 years old . She was wearing skin tight white spandex pants , which showed every curve of her . I saw a few men turning to look at her as she passed by . " Men " , I thought . They entered just before me . The restroom had 3 stalls , two regular and one handicapped . The first stall was marked " out of order " and the door closed . That left the middle one and the handicapped . The young woman and the little girl went into the handicapped stall together . I took the middle stall since it was the only other working one . The woman was talking to the little girl to " go ahead and pull down your pants and I 'll help you get on the pot . " I pulled down my jeans and sat down . I waited to start my poo as I wanted to see if they 'd leave pretty quickly . The little girl began peeing hard for about 15 seconds then stopped . The woman said , " Do you need to poo - poo ? " The little girl said , " No . " The woman said , " You said your ? ? ? ? was hurting . Are you sure ? If you need to go , it 's OK . " The little girl said , " I don 't need to poo - poo . If I did I want to go at home . " The woman said , " It 's OK for you to go here , Michelle . " The little girl said , " I don 't want to poo - poo here . I don 't need to . " The woman said " OK " and I heard toilet paper being torn off . Then a few seconds the little girl got off the toilet and they flushed it . I was thinking they 'd now leave , but the woman said , " OK , stand over here and wait for me . " The little girl stood by the partition , preBoth Sides of the Spectrum I 've got two stories . I wanted to combine these just to show the different sides of public bathroom use . Sorry if they run a little long . First story takes place in my first year of teacher . It was November , right after the big Thanksgiving break . As per usual , I stuffed myself as far as I could go , then kept going until I was about to burst . Turkey , stuffing , mac n cheese , quiche , mashed potatoes , and too many others . For the next two days , I felt the food sitting in my stomach waiting to get out . I got no urges though . Sunday , the day before we got back to school , I sat on the pot for a good hour and was not able to push anything out other than some farts , which were admittedly pretty smelly . As I was preparing to leave the next morning , I considered taking some laxatives , but I feared they 'd kick in at school . At this point I was very self conscious about pooping at school . As it turns out , I didn 't need laxatives at all . Early in the morning I had some coffee , which may not have been the smartest choice considering I had enough food to feed a small family sitting in my colon waiting to come out the back end . Sure enough , the unfortunate side effects of coffee began to show . I felt the urge to shit , quickly and violently . It felt like the entire meal I ate was about to burst out of my butt . i was not about to take the biggest shit of my life in a public bathroom at a school I 'd like to keep teaching at . With only 1 hour left in school I decided to hold the monster back . That last hour was rough . Farts bubbled up inside me as I quietly let them out , hoping the turd wouldn 't slip out in the process . My stomach made all sorts of gurgling noises as I felt enormous pressure in my butt and bowels . I just sat and sweated it out , dreaming of the moment I could drop my butt on the porcelain princess in my bathroom . The shit kept coming out , but I could easily stop it . Then , it made a forceful push . I thought at that moment it was all over . I had to place my hands at my sides , crushing my cheeks together as I clenched with all my energy . It went back up , but not without touching my panties and staining them . At least one stain on my panties wasn 't as bad as if my panties were full of three day old shit . As I sat thinking about this , the bell rang . Usually teachers stay for an hour after school , but I had no time to wait . As I got up a huge surge of pressure hit my bowels . The hallways were usually pretty busy after school , and this was no exception . With a great deal of effort I made my way through the halls and rushed down the outside stairs . My car sat just a few feet away . With that , came the promise of sweet relief . The drive home was frantic , as I seemingly ran into every red light , bus , bad driver , stop sign , and detour imaginable . At this point the turd was coming in and out every few seconds . I had little time to get to my toilet before everything went bad . The sight of my house was a relief , but nothing could compare to the sheer orgasmic bliss of seeing my toilet , and finally sitting on it as the shit was coming out . It was a beautiful experience . My slacks and panties were down all the way to my ankles , as I sat back and was finally ready to take a major deuce . Like I said , the shit was already on its way to coming out . All I needed to do was let it do its magic . The warm , fat , juicy log quickly came out , but it was so big it seemingly kept going and going for hours . It probably only lasted for a few minutes , but my relief lasted quite longer than that . Even before this thing dropped I could smell the stink of it . I couldn 't open the nearby window because it was so cold outside . When the log finally dropped , the stench grew greatly . I could feel the steam coming up below . I got up after it landed to see it . I could not believe my eyes . A two foot long monster log sat there . Pretty thick too . I felt empty , so I sat back down to wipe . I grabbed a nearby can of frebreeze and sprayed everywhere . The stench was worse than words can describe , but so was my relief . I flushed , and it unsurprisingly clogged . When my husband came home he was stunned at the size of it . Made up for the fact that he had to unclog my foul smelling monster turd . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After four days of bloated constipation , my time finally came to drop a turd off . I was at school , but I 've been there long enough to not be worried about pooping at work . In fact I prefer it to my own home . I waited most of the day feeling this thing grow until my friend Janet bailed me out of my current class . She quietly told me : " Don 't go in the second stall . " I giggled as I went down to the bathroom . I wasn 't extremely desperate , but I was uncomfortable to it was nice to finally get there . Out of curiosityI opened the second stall Janet was talking about . A fat floater sat there , infesting that stall with a grotesque odor . I quickly closed the door and went to last stall , my favorite of the bunch . At that time the bathroom was empty . Before going into my stall I ripped a wet fart that lasted about 5 seconds . I entered and let that stink stay there . In my stall I sat and pushed softly . Not much effort was needed to get this thing going . It was a beefy chunky log that touched the water before it finally dropped with a loud plop . As if landed , I heard someone burst into the bathroom . I looked under my door and noticed the skirt and shoes . It was YG . I hoped it was just for a pee because I 'd be here awhile , and that log already created quite the stink . I did not need her odors getting in my stall . She took the stall next to me , which I hate when there are ample open stalls . I heard he breathing quickly and adjust her clothing as she finally landed with a loud thump . She moaned as I heard a wet , creamy log slip out of her . I preemptively held my nose , knowing this would stink . I felt some more shit coming down the way , so I got comfortable as it started the exit my butt . This one was very thick and juicy at the start , but thinned down and got dry by the end . When it landed I heard YG gasp . She said , " Is someone there ? " I identified myself . She said she didn 't know anyone else was in here . " Sorry about the smell Eileen . I had some pasta for lunch . " I told her not to worry . " You gotta go you gotta go . " I told her . I felt finished , and with the stench of my of our stalls , I was more than willing to get out of here . As I washing my hands I heard another fresh log leaving YG . I quickly left before it dropped . Just Jerika 's recent posting reminds me of a case back in the summer before I started 4th grade . My parents had just gotten a brand new car and wanted to " break it in " by us taking a cross - country trip on I - 80 . Mom and Dad alternated the driving while the other slept so the car was on the road longer each day and we made better time . That gave us additional time to stop off at some attractions Mom and Dad had agreed upon from what they had read / seen in a motor club book . Well one morning at about 3 a . m . I had been sleeping in the back seat and some bumps in a construction area woke me up . I was startled after a deep sleep and knew I had to pee . I told Dad softly because I didn 't want to wake Mom because she would be driving again when the sun rose . It was a long five miles or so but Dad pulled into a rest stop and since I didn 't want to have him turn the light on and wake up Mom , I went into the bathroom building in my bare feet . Some small rocks on the sidewalk cut my feet as I walked alone in the dark toward the well lit building . Then I got smart the last several yards and took the grass , which proved to be a good decision . I got into the toilet room and there were like three cubicles - - all without doors . I took the first one because it had a light on top of it the worked and wasn 't burned out . I quickly pulled down my shorts and undees and placed my butt on the seat . It wasn 't that uncomfortable and I moved my legs around a little like I have to do sometimes to help get my urine stream going . I didn 't have to sit long . Once it started I was listening to how intense it was in hitting the water and bored a little , I picked up my left foot and looked at the damage from the cement and rocks and put it down and then I did the same with my right foot . I set off a mild scream when I saw two large water bugs on the top of my foot . I jumped off the seat and in doing so , before my stream stopped , I had not only splashed onto the seat , but also into my underwear and shorts . I reached down and shooed the two bugs that seemed to be clinging to me off , and standing on just my left foot , slipped a bit in my own pee on the cement floor and stretched my knee when I grabbed the front of the toilet bowl to keep from falling . Since it was so quiet out , Dad had heard my scream and came running in . I thought he was going to have a heart attack because I now know that he had thought the worst thing was happening to me with a molestor or something . He was cussing , something he doesn 't normally do , and then he took me into the stall at the other end of the room , had me seat myself and it took me at least five minutes to calm down . I was only able to produce a few more trickles . Really like the story of you squatting and peeing outside in your long skirt . I am looking forward to hearing how it went the next day wearing your long skirt without any panites and peeing stnading up . Did you have wait until you were really desperate and bursting to do it To the Moderator : Thank you so much for posting my stuff ! Sorry for the misunderstanding ! I really DO LOVE this site ! ! Its the only one of its kind and its SO COOL ! ! ! Thank you SO much ! ! I have had a few things happen since I last posted , so I 'll have plenty of stories , although I suppose some might be similar to my previous ones . Someone asked me if I had any strangers pee in my car lately , and I have actually , and I 'll tell you about it now . Again , it will be similar to stuff I had posted earlier , but I 'm sure you 'll enjoy it anyway ! A few weeks ago Kaylee and I were at the mall again and Kaylee 's friend Hannah ( the humming girl ) was with us . Kaylee asked me how much longer it would be till we were done . I asked her " do you have to pee ? " and she said " Hannah does . " Then she said " and I do too a little . " So then I asked Hannah " how bad do you have to go honey ? " Hannah answered " real bad . " So then I said " do you want to go in the bathroom , or do you want to go out and pee in the car ? " Hannah smiled . Then she said " In the car . " I smiled back and then I said " ok you can pee in the car then . We can just go out there now and then we can come back in when you 're done , ok ? " She said " ok . " And so we started to walk toward the exit so we could go to my car and Hannah could have her pee . That 's when I noticed a woman in the store and she had two girls with her . It was at just that moment that I heard one of the girls say " mom I have to go potty . " Then the other one said " me too . " I looked at Kaylee and then I asked her " should we see if they want to pee in the car too ? " Kaylee said " yeah . " Then I asked Hannah " can you wait that long ? Cause if not , we can go to the car first . " She said " no I can wait . " And so we went over to where they were and we started talking to them and eventually Kaylee told them about our peeing car and she asked them if they wanted to come out and pee in it too . The mom smiled awkwardly at first but then after a while she said " ok . " And so we continued to walk out of the mall and over to where my car was parked . We all introduced ourselves to each other , and I found out that the mom 's name was Mel ( probably short for Melissa or Melody ) and the older daughter 's name was Makenzie ( agWell that 's it for now ! Hope you enjoyed that ! One day i was out with my ex Kirsty not her real name and she needed a wee . She got so desparate waiting for the taxi i thought she was going to wet herself there and then but she didn 't . We made it back to her house as soon as she got out the taxi she was undoing her belt and undoing her jeans . She made it in time I went in the bathroom with her , she pulled down her jeans and underwear to her knees sat on the toilet and she peed for about 6 minutes non stop . I had just finished another lecture at university and needed the toilet . I had peed this morning before leaving the house but didn 't have time to poo . It has been 3 hours since then and now both needs were starting to come knocking on my door . The nearest toilets are at the other side of campus ( silly I know ! ) so I made my way there as quickly as possible . I managed to get half way there when the need to go suddenly increased . I walked as fast as I could , hoping I would be able to make it in time . As I rounded the corner I saw the ladies and rushed in , nearly knocking down the cleaner as she left . I quickly appologised and ran in . The place was empty both because of the cleaner but also because there was quite a few lectures taking place at the time , I still took the end stall , so I would have a little privacy if somebody decided to come in . I locked the door behind me and was greeted by a perfectly clean toilet , seat and lid down , fresh toilet roll . It was perfect . I quickly lifted the lid before turning around and reaching up my skirt and pulling my pink thong down to my knees , I bunched up the skirt around my waist and sat down . Within seconds the soft tinkle of my wee echoed throughout the room . It felt amazing , I think I peed for around 30 seconds when it suddenly stopped , I knew my bladder wasn 't empty so I figured I was about to relieve my other need . I stayed sat on the toilet for a few minutes expecting something to happen but no pee , no poo . . . nothing ! I gave a little push and could feel something happening in my guts so I pushed again . It was good but not enough . I put my hands together on my lap and pushed as hard as I could . I farted loudly and I felt my hole opening , the tip was finally coming out . I leaned forward and pushed again . More farts slipped out followed my my poo , I continued to push until I head the satisfying splash as it landed in the bowl . I could feel more coming so I sat normally again and relaxed . My second poo was slowly sliding out without any effort on my part and I had started to wee again . I peed for another 45 seconds or so which felt brilliant before stopping . I was finally done . I wiped my front once and it took 4 wipes for my back . I pulled up my thong , smoothed out my skirt and flushed before washing my hands . To New Guy . I am pleased that you liked my story about Sue on Page 2026 . We 're back from our trip to Scotland so here is the next part . It started after I was the DJ at a rather strange party in March , where I met a rather strange lady called Sue . Although Sue is old enough to be my mother , we got on rather well . When I asked her about her toilet habits , she was happy to tell me all the details . Sue was a teacher but she had just retired at age 60 , after being widowed last year . Sue also has a rather strange friend called Debbie . They were both ' hippie chicks ' in the ' swinging sixties ' and in 1969 , they travelled overland to India together in a VW camper van called ' Daisy 1 ' with their boyfriends . Sue still has a camper van called ' Daisy 3 ' that she and her late husband Chris used to drive . It could sleep three adults or four at a squeeze . Sue loved the freedom to go as you please and we had planned a trip to Scotland for a week in the van with Sue , Debbie and myself . The three of us would share the driving , the cooking and the cost of gas for the van . I also agreed to be their mechanic in case of any problems with the old van and their DJ to provide their favourite 1960s and 1970s music for the trip . There was a camping toilet in the van and we shared that too . On the day of the Royal Wedding , Sue , Debbie and I met at Sue 's house for breakfast . Sue and Debbie both ate a bowl of bran cereal and an apple . After breakfast , Sue mixed some sachets of powder with water and Sue and Debbie both drank a large glass of it . I asked Sue what it was and she said that it was a fibre supplement drink . Sue said that she suffers from Diverticulosis and Debbie suffers from haemorrhoids , so they both need to keep their bowels regular as constipation can be painful for them . I asked how regular and Sue said two or three times a day . I asked Sue if she has to run to the toilet and she said that her poo is normally rather soft and the urge may come on suddenly . Debbie said , " Me too . " Sue said that her pelvic floor muscles are a bit weak after childbirth and when her poo is soft , she has difficulty holding it in . I asked her if it ever slips out before she gets to the toilet and she said that she wears a pad inside her panties at the back , just in case . Debbie said that they both like to travel in Sue 's van , because they always have a toilet available when they need it . Sue said that she needed to go upstairs and sit on the toilet before leaving . When she came back , Debbie went upstairs . After Debbie came back , Sue said , " How about you Ben , did you sit on the toilet this morning ? " I said that I didn 't . Sue said that we had a 10 hour drive today and she told me to be a good boy and go and sit on the toilet before we leave . I went upstairs to the toilet and clicked the door shut . Then I quietly opened the door again and I could hear what Debbie and Sue were saying downstairs . Debbie said , " He 's rather sweet , I hope he 'll bond with us . " Then sue said , " He 's 40 , he 's an only child and he was very close to his mother but she passed away last year and he misses her a lot . Then he split up with his girlfriend recently . He wanted to watch her pooing and wipe her bum afterwards so she ended the relationship . " Debbie said , " Fancy that , she lived with him and shared a bed with him but she wouldn 't go to the toilet with him ! He should be good at bonding with us ! Have you been intimate with him yet ? " Sue said , " I 'm very fond of him but in a maternal sort of way and I 'm not sure if he 's interested in doing that sort of thing with me . He really likes me to talk about my bowels and he wants to watch me doing a poo . I told him that we can do that together some time if we become really close friends . " Then Debbie said , " He 's been sitting on the toilet for a long time , maybe he 's constipated . " Then I flushed the toilet and came downstairs . Sue asked me , " Did you open your bowels , Ben ? " I said that I didn 't . Sue said that I must keep my bowels regular . Sue and Debbie loaded their mountain bikes onto the rack at the back of the van and Sue lent me the bike that used to belong to Chris . The van had a small toilet compartment and inside was a portable toilet with a toilet seat on three legs with a bag hanging underneath . Sue explained that she was trying out a waterless portable toilet system instead of the chemical toilet that she used in the past . It uses special waste bags containing something that1 . For a # 1 alone , always do it outside the van in the bushes unless you have to get up for a wee in the night . Debbie and Sue were wearing T - shirts printed with ' DISCC 1969 ' and a map of an overland route from London to India . Sue explained that DISCC was the Debbie , Ian , Sue and Chris Club that they had formed in 1969 and they even printed their own T - shirts . Sue 's late husband Chris was and always would be " El Presidente " of DISCC but Debbie was " Deputy Presidente " and she was running the club in Chris 's absence . Then a few years ago , Debbie got divorced from her husband Ian , leaving DISCC with only two members , Debbie and Sue . There was just one DISCC T - shirt left that had never been worn and they said that they would be honoured if I would join DISCC and wear it but DISCC are a very close group of friends so I would need to do some very close bonding . Debbie explained that it was the sort of bonding that they did when the four of them drove overland to India in a small VW camper van . She said that they soon lost their inhibitions about nudity , going to the toilet and what they did in bed . Debbie said that I needed to complete 10 stages of bonding , scoring 10 % for each stage : I liked the sound of some stages but not others . I could tell they were retired teachers and I asked what the ' pass mark ' was . Debbie said it was 90 % for me but Chris had managed to score 110 % by scoring 20 % on Stage 10 ! We set off from London and the three of us shared the driving . By the time we reached the Highlands of Scotland , it was dark . We didn 't stop on an official camp site because we hadn 't booked a space and they were all full for the busy bank holiday weekend . Sue knew a secluded spot in a forest where we could park for the night and no - one would bother us . It had been a long day so we closed the drapes and went to bed . When I got up the next morning , Debbie and Sue were already up and dressed . They said they were waiting for me to to go outside with them for a group wee - wee . We went into the bushes , I stood and did a wee while Sue and Debbie took their shorts and panties down and squatted for a wee . After breakfast , Debbie went into the toilet compartment and closed the door . Sue and Debbie hadn 't stopped talking since we left London and the toilet in the van had no sound proofing , so they continued chatting while Debbie was sitting on the portable toilet . Debbie made a " PLOOOOOOP " noise and she said , " My bowels are really loose today . " When she had finished , Sue went in and I heard her doing a soft poo . She said , " That fibre supplement works wonders , my poo slips out a treat " . When Sue had finished in the toilet , she said , " It 's your turn now Ben . Debbie and I have filled the first ' poo bag ' so I put a fresh bag in for you . " I went and sat on the portable toilet and tried to poo but without success . Then afterwards , Sue went in to check the bag but it was empty . She said , " You 're a naughty boy Ben , you haven 't done a poo today and you didn 't do one yesterday . " After breakfast , Sue and Debbie grabbed their towels and told me to pick up mine . " Come on , we 're going swimming ! " they said . I said that I hadn 't brought my swimming trunks and they said they hadn 't either . Sue led the way through the forest and after about 10 minutes , we reached a lochan or small lake completely surrounded by dense forestry plantation . Then they stripped off and told me to do the same . I dipped a toe in the water but it was cold . " Come on in , don 't be a wimp ! " Debbie called as they swam to the other side of the lochan . When we got back to the van , Debbie ticked stages # 1 and # 2 on the bonding checklist . Then they unloaded the mountain bikes from the rack on the van and we cycled off on forest trails . Sue was in the lead and I couldn 't keep up with them so they had to keep waiting for me . We got back to the van in late afternoon and as soon as we got inside , Debbie went and sat on the portable toilet and made some runny poo noises . She said , " All this exercise really gets my bowels moving . " Sunday The next morning , Debbie and Sue used the toilet then Sue fitted a new bag and told me I must go and do a poo in it and she would check afterwards . I sat on the toilet seat and made some grunting noises but I said that I couldn 't do a poo . Sue said , " Ben , you haven 't done a poo since Thursday . We 'll make sure you do a poo today . " That day we drove to the port of Oban on the West Coast of Scotland and we took a boat trip that included Fingal 's Cave , a seal colony and the Corryvreckan Whirlpool . The sea was a bit rough but it didn 't bother Sue and Debbie as they were used to long drives on bumpy roads going to India . At lunch time . Sue got out the packed lunches but I said that I wasn 't hungry . Then I whispered to Sue , " I think I 'm going to be sick ! " She took me by the hand and rushed me out onto the deck for some fresh air . I leaned over the side of the boat and I was sick . Sue supported my forehead with her hand while I was sick again . After the boat trip , Sue drove to another secluded spot in the forest , near where some beavers live . European Beavers have been extinct in Scotland for about 300 years but a few have been re - introduced recently and Debbie really wanted to see a beaver . We took turns at cooking and that evening it was Debbie 's turn . She said that she would cook her special curry recipe with wholegrain rice , which is high in fibre so it would help to keep our bowels regular . Debbie cooked enough curry and rice for four people and Sue said that I should eat a double portion because I brought up my breakfast on the boat and I didn 't eat any lunch . I don 't normally eat curry so I found it very hot but I managed to eat it all . After supper , the three of us went hiking in the forest . We saw a beaver dam and some trees felled by beavers but no beavers . Debbie said that they were more active around dawn and dusk so she would wait until sunset and look for beavers and would meet us back at the van later , to allow us some time alone together for ' bonding ' . Sue and I stopped at a viewpoint where we sat on a seat and watched the sun setting over the Isle of Mull . We hugged each other and I told Sue that that there was something I had to tell her . I said , " Sue , I love you . " Sue was delighted and she held me tightly and said that she loved me too . We hugged and kissed like young lovers . Sue said that when they were in India , Debbie discovered that some curry herbs and spices have a laxative effect and a portion of ' Debbie 's Special ' curry was a good laxative . I asked her what two portions would do for me and she said it should cure my constipation . Then Sue said that it was starting to have a laxative effect on her . I hugged her tightly and a few minutes later , she whispered , " I really must go behind a bush , I can 't hold my poo any longer ! " We stood up and started walking into the forest , then Sue whispered , " It 's starting to slip out onto my panty pad ! " We found a fallen log , then Sue got her ' poo bag ' out of her backpack . She slipped her shorts and panties down a little way and sat on the fallen log with her bum overhanging . I asked if I could hold the bag underneath her bum . I watched as Sue did a long soft poo that hung down nearly one foot long before it broke off and fell into the bag . " That 's better " , she said . Then she handed me the toilet paper and I wiped her bum tenderly and put the toilet paper into the ' poo bag ' with her soiled panty pad . Sue said that she felt like King Henry VIII of England in the 16th Century who had a servant known as the ' Groom of the Stool ' to wipe the royal bum . Then I did a pee onto the ground but it went upwards . Sue giggled and said , " I can guess what you want to do when we get back to the van . " Sue put the used ' poo bag ' into the disposal bag , zipped it up and I carried it back to the van . When we got back to the van , we zipped our sleeping bags together , got undressed and snuggled up together in the double sleeping bag . We were getting on quite well when I had to stop . I got out of the sleeping bag and went and sat on the portable toilet in the van , without closing the door . I let rip and squirted diarrhea into the bag . Sue came into the toilet compartment and said " There 's a good boy Ben , you 've opened your bowels at last . " I tore off some toilet paper ready to wipe myself then Sue said , " Shall I do that for you ? " She took the pad of toilet paper , wiped me at the back and it felt nice . We got back into the sleeping bag but 5 minutes later , I had to go to the toilet again . I felt like I needed to sit there for a long time until it was all out . Then I heard Debbie come back to the van . " Where 's Ben ? " she asked . Sue said , " He 's on the toilet . A double portion of your special curry was a bit too much for his delicate stomach and he can 't stop pooing . " Then Debbie said , " Hurry up Ben , I 'm bursting for a poo ! " I came out of the toilet with nothing on and Debbie went in . " Come and look at this Sue ! " she exclaimed . " That was a new ' poo bag ' this morning and Ben has filled it up in one sitting ! " Sue went to inspect and she said , " Ben , you must have been really full of poo . Even Debbie and I can 't do that much poo between us in a day . " Sue said that we had bonded about 92 % and Debbie said that was good enough . She welcomed me as a member of DISCC and presented me with the spare DISCC t - shirt to wear when I put some clothes on . Then I went back and sat on the toilet . I said that I would try to sleep there , to make sure I didn 't have a poo accident in bed in the night . I 've just had the biggest shit i 've everrrrrrr had and i have some HUUUUUUUGE ones . I was holding it in my bedroom for a while because i love the feeling but after a while enough is enough and its time to push it out . I sat down on the toilet and pushed imediately , i could tell it was going to be HUGE and i would have to work hard to push it out . I grabbed my cheeks and spread wide as i could and pushed harddddd , i could feel the shit forcing my hole wider and wider as it came started to come out more and more . After a good few pushes the monster shit was out and the feeling was amazing . Any girls like watching people shit on here . . . ? Next page : Old Posts page 2031 >< Previous page : 2033 Back to the Toilet ToiletStool . com , " Boldly bringing . com to your bodily functions . " Go to Page . . . Forum Survey |
Synopsis : Jim and Buck have returned from Area 51 to chase down a terrorist bent on destroying Las Vegas . They saved the day and are now back to the regular routine , but Jim is given a case to find a missing dead body stolen from a local private mortuary . He goes to investigate the theft but runs into the murder of a funeral director . It 's a dying business but Jim has to now stop whoever is killing people . He enters the world of pricey funerals , embalming bodies and Union strike threats , while Trapper is thrown into a murder when in Denver with his new girlfriend , Sam the bookie and former escort madam . Will Trapper solve the murder as they wait for Sam 's brother to have his sex change operation . Will Jim solve the mortuary murders and prevent a crime that could be leading up to a major attack on a visiting dignitary to Las Vegas . Find out in this 15th book of the Jim Richards murder novels . This Chapter 1 - 9 preview has been pretty much edited but don 't expect perfection . I may be adding more chapters here for this book so enjoy and buy the book when it comes out . Chapter 1 The funeral home was crowded with well - wishers . Abundant flowers surrounding the coffin gave the viewing room a sickly mixture of fragrances , as Penny sat on a chair while people huddled around her , expressing their condolences . Buck was standing before the coffin looking down at the body of Jim Richards , looking like he was made of wax . He probably was , since the explosion of Jim 's Crown Vic had thrown his body from the car , most of his face was damaged and Buck thought that the funeral people did a good job of filling in the missing pieces around his face . Buck couldn 't believe his friend was gone . He turned away and went to sit next to Penny as she held up well for her loss . The director of the home closed the coffin and the guests were allowed to take a little time to talk about the recently departed . Lynn and Deacon talked about the cases he helped the police with around Las Vegas , Trapper talked about how Jim and he first met , over murder of course . I suddenly realized I was in an enclosed place ; I was claustrophobic and started to scream for help . The coffin suppressed my screams , no one heard me as they lowered the coffin into the ground . I was still screaming while Penny was shaking me in our bed . Damn , I hated realistic dreams like that . I sat up in the bed as Penny stood next to me now ; I was sweating profusely and shaking . " Crap , it was worse . You know I 'm claustrophobic , I was dreaming I was in my coffin , but still alive . Damn dreams anyway . You were there , mourning me and Buck was there along with our friends . After they closed the coffin , I guess I woke and found I was in the dark and in a closed box . I was screaming , but no one could hear me because of the coffin . " " Bad juu - juu ? Have you gone voodoo now ? You know I just got back from being out in Area 51 and had to go to a funeral home to help take Mark Huston 's body in . I was all over the funeral home including the embalming room where ME Joe Lang did the autopsy on Mark . I guess my mind put that experience together with me in the coffin . Not a good thing , okay , bad juu - juu . " Penny was laughing so I slapped her on the butt , causing her to jump on me and she made good juu - juu to me . We went out to the kitchen about a half hour later and I did my morning toast ritual . The new toaster that we bought last month worked very well , I was happy with it . Penny made her oatmeal and I sat at the snack bar with my toast as our toy Yorkie , Willy , was eyeing my food . I broke off a piece and dropped it to him on the ground . " I haven 't the foggiest idea . I 'm going into the office and just sit until someone comes in to hire me to solve their mystery . I 'm not taking any cases about aliens or going to Area 51 again . One time was enough for me . " " Well , that lets you out . The guy isn 't alive so he 's not a person , therefore he is a property now and his body was robbed from the funeral home . So I 'd say Robbery Division should handle it . " " That 's what I said , but everyone is passing the buck . Actually , the body wasn 't stolen from a funeral home , he was taken from a mortuary that preps bodies for burial . A business I could never do . " " Then you 'd better hide . I 'm going into my office to sulk and wait for crime to come to me . If you get bored you can stop by to visit . " " I 'll think about it . Anything to get away from here before Weber finds me by myself . Talk later . " He hung up and I put my phone back in my pocket and waited for Penny to go to work . If you can call it work , she sits and talks to people in front of TV cameras and has women do her hair and make - up . Four hours of sitting around , an easy life . After she left , I gathered my equipment to go to the office . I put Willy in his travel bag as I was calling it now , I didn 't think it was appropriate for me to carry a purse . We went out to the garage , got the Crown Vic out and drove over to my building . I waved to the guard at the back parking lot gate and put the car into my reserved space . I entered the building , let Willy loose and went by Trapper 's office , he wasn 't in . I stopped at Buck 's door , he wasn 't in . I was wondering if anyone was working today . In the lobby I found Lacey busy reading a woman 's magazine . She about jumped out of her skin when she heard me , I had that effect on her . She calmed herself and said , " No , it 's boring so far . Trapper took Sam and her brother to Denver for his surgery yesterday and Buck is home sleeping because he had to fill in for a guard last night at the new dealership . " I spent the morning exploring the internet on my computer finding information about dreams , coming up with a bunch of mumbo - jumbo , and finally closed the internet down . I sat back staring at the poster I had made of Penny in her bikini from a picture I took on our mystery cruise . She didn 't mind that I put it on my wall , she looked good in it . I got up , went out , and found a very somber looking man in a black Brooks Brother 's suit that must have cost him a week 's salary . He was very straight - laced looking , pencil mustache , and his hair was slicked back , reminding me of a gangster from the old black and white movies . Adolphe Menjou , the " suave " and " debonair " star of Hollywood movies from the 20 's to the 40 's came to mind . He had that bearing . " Yes , Detective DeAngelo , we 're friends . Please come to my office . " As we went , I realized what he had said , about a missing body . I was getting chills again and asked him to sit when we entered the room . " There would be inquiries and police snooping around my establishment . Besides the police can 't figure who to send to handle the case , I told Officer DeAngelo to forget it , I would handle it myself . That 's when he recommended you . " " Basically , yes . I started my business when a friend whose funeral home I worked for to embalm and prep bodies for viewing and burial , was having to cut back on expenses . People want to bury their loved one cheaply now , many are opting for cremation in lieu of burial . So I thought about starting my own business of just preparing the bodies for funeral homes , cutting out the extra expense . I can charge a lot cheaper than they could to maintain a mortuary and doing the embalming . Yesterday a body was delivered to me and this morning it was gone . I panicked and called the police before thinking it out . " " I 'm sure there must be laws about the proper disposal of bodies , aren 't there ? To involve the police . " " Yes , to dispose of a body , you can 't just dump it . There are procedures for the burial of a body , but theft is not covered in the laws other than simple robbery . Which I 'm not filing with the police . Hence , I come to you . " I was now part of LVMPD 's attempt to pass the buck . I 'd have to have a heart to heart with Deacon about this . I wasn 't happy with taking on this case after my nightmare , it was too close and too annoying . But I never run from a challenge , so I said , " Well , Mr . Hannigan , if you agree to hire me , I 'll take the case . " " Here 's my rate card , " I said as I hand the card to him , then said , " I 'll also need some facts from you to start my investigation . " I pushed my pad of paper and pencil towards him . " If you can write out all the information about where your business is located , the name and disposition of the body , funeral home that the body came from , and anything else you may think to help . " He took the pad and started to write . I glanced back to the poster of Penny to get my head back into more pleasant thoughts . He finished about five minutes later and I took the pad back . " I hope so ; the body won 't be very fresh after a day or two , unless the criminals put the body in cold storage . I 'll be waiting for your call . " He took out his wallet , pulled out five one hundred dollar bills and put them on my desk , " Here 's your retainer as stated on your card , you can send me your final bill when finished . " He stood , held out his hand and I shook it . I guided him out to the lobby and we said our good - byes . " Weber is out of the office for the day now ; he had to go to some big deal meeting with the police commissioner and the city council . Something about the President coming to Vegas and how the police are going to handle it . So you 'll have to hold off on the call . " " Not much , we didn 't go into detail about the report . The officers who responded to the call , turned it over to missing persons , who called robbery , who called me . For some reason everyone thinks I have nothing better to do . " He laughed and hung up . I sat back thinking about how I would proceed . I had to organize my thoughts more as I grew older . I hated to admit it but I used to be quick in the thought process , but lately I had to think twice about things . Damn I hate growing old . Penny came in about ten minutes later . I really didn 't want to mention my new case but she would know . She had this telepathy that could penetrate my mind . I just waited to see how long before she got it . She laughed and said , " Yes , and I see trouble in your future . You dream about being in a casket and then you get a case to find a missing body . Coincidence ? I think not . Bad juu - juu . " I stared at her for a moment , " Sniffing out the body , that 's disgusting . The mortician said if the body is kept in a cold place it should be alright for a while . I have his info on the crime and I will do what needs to be to find the late person . " I was at a loss for that , I hadn 't asked . Dumb . It could be important to know . " I didn 't ask but I will when I go visit the mortuary . I 'll form my opinion when I know . " We left to go eat at Bistros Restaurant and I sat most the time thinking about my case . For some reason I had a foreboding feeling about it . Like I may actually end up in a coffin . Not a pleasant thought since I already felt the panic of being in one , from my dream . I gave her a blank stare then realized what she meant , " I was thinking about the case . This is a simple robbery , I just have to find the stolen goods and return them . Just like finding stolen jewelry . " We finished our meal , paid and went out to valet parking . Penny 's car was brought up since we took that instead of my Crown Vic . I was feeling wary since I knew Buck had said in my dream that I was blown up in it . Funny how you know what other people think in a dream . I would get back to my car when I felt safe , time will tell . Maybe I could drive the mini - limo I got from the mob family in New York , but that would look pretentious . We drove out Maryland Boulevard and into a strip of buildings looking like industrial offices . At the end of one building , we found the front of the Hannigan Mortuary . I parked in front and we got out . I went to the front corner of the building to look down the side to see how it was laid out . There was a large overhead door big enough to pull a small service truck in , probably for delivery of the bodies . " Mr . Richards , so good you can get on this so speedily . " He looked to Penny and said , " Why is this Penny Wickens , your lovely wife and host of ' Vegas Alive ' ? So good that you share your husband 's interest in crime fighting . I watch you often . " Hannigan took us to his office where he removed a file folder from a nice wooden file cabinet . He handed it to me , " This is the file on the deceased , John Hall , who passed away two days ago . He underwent an autopsy at the request of the wife , to see what he died from . He was only fifty - one . Joe Lang , the medical examiner who performed the autopsy , said that he died from natural causes ; they couldn 't find anything wrong or in question . The body was released to Spenser Funeral Home and they had the body delivered here yesterday to have it prepped . " He led us back to a large room with many small doors in the wall , all holding bodies ; I was a bit creeped out . He continued , " I was a bit backed up , so many deaths this week , so I put him in a drawer and would get to him this morning . " He pulled one of the drawers and waved his hand showing the empty body tray . I looked at the thin handle attached to the door ; there could be no usable fingerprints there , beside it being handled by Hannigan . I looked at the metal tray that would have held the deceased ; I looked closely at the metal to see if there were any smudges , but saw none . If Hannigan had let the police investigate , they may have pulled some prints . If Trapper was still around I could ask him to come in to dust the thing , he was experienced in that . " No , there are two other mortuary services like mine ; I was the first but imitators started moving in . It 's a cut throat business . " He smiled . " I really know nothing . I just get the bodies in and push them out . I don 't get involved in their personal histories . You probably can talk to the widow , although I haven 't told her about the disappearance yet . I was hoping to resolve this before I had to tell her . We left the mortuary and I was reading over the file that Hannigan gave me as we sat in Penny 's car . There were a number of things in it that I would have to check . " So , where to now ? " Penny asked . She insisted on driving now , I yielded , since the whole assistant thing , I wasn 't pressing my luck . " I think we should go visit the Spenser Funeral Home , maybe they have some answers . It 's now just before two o ' clock so they probably would still have business hours going . " She asked for directions and I gave them to her . We arrived and parked , going into the funeral home . The sight of the viewing room gave me the willies , I still had the memory in my brain of the room . Penny took my hand and said , " Be a brave little boy and I 'll give you a lollipop to suck on . " She gave me a dirty look and let my hand go . I was on my own now . A very strange looking woman came up to us and asked if she could help us . " Yes , can we speak to Mr . Spenser ? " I asked for the name from the file of the person who authorized the transfer to the mortuary . The woman smiled and said to follow her . She turned and led us to a room outside an office . On the Door was printed , ' Michael Spenser - Director ' . She knocked and waited , there was no answer . She knocked again . Nothing . She smiled to us , opened the door and went in . A few seconds later , we heard a scream , which startled me , and then I went into the room followed by Penny . We found the woman standing over the body of Spenser with his head on his desk and a knife covered in blood next to his head . I pulled my cell phone and dialed Deacon . He came on . I asked the woman to carefully vacate the room to preserve the murder scene as we waited for Deacon to arrive . About ten minutes later , he walked into the room followed by the crime lab people and a couple uniforms . CSI started to do their work as Deacon questioned us and the woman who identified herself as Agnes Hawthorn , the assistant director of the funeral home . " No , I was told by Mr . Spenser to leave him alone for the afternoon , I don 't question him . He had no visitors that I saw , I 'm always aware of visitors . The home viewing times weren 't open yet , so there was no one in the house . That I saw . " " Oh yeah , the wife was hot to prove something killed him , I couldn 't find any signs of foul play . Now he 's missing , strange . Is that why you are here ? " " Maybe he turned into a zombie and walked out ? " Lang laughed . I looked to Deacon and asked , " Do you guys share your comic writers ? No Joe , he had help , I just need to find the people who walked him out . " The assistant ME was guiding the body out on the gurney so we had to move . They went out and I asked Joe , " Did you know this guy ? I ask since you knew the funeral director up by Area 51 . " I yelled back to Deacon asking if he could drive me to my office . He waved and nodded his head , I turned to tell Penny but she was gone . My wife doesn 't wait for the world to follow . " As I understand , the husband was some big shot in the unions that govern the hotel workers . He was at the Flamingo Hotel for a meeting in a hospitality suite for the big shots that ran the union . He took a dive onto the serving table and landed in the chip dip . I had to clean him off , one dip to another . " He laughed at his lousy joke and then said , " I took him in and the wife was right there wanting reasons for his demise . I found nothing out of the ordinary other than he drank a little too much , liver was in bad shape . " I went to Deacon as he sat with Hawthorn . I stood watching her expressions , she reminded me of one of her departed guests . It seems like the undertakers I had experience with in the past all looked like death warmed over . This woman reminded me of a spinster school teacher of olden days . Her hair was in a bun , lace blouse and cuffs , black business style outfit and those clunky shoes that laced up the ankles . She had a pallor about her face that needed make - up , otherwise she wasn 't bad looking . Yeah , he probably cared for their money too , I thought . My mother paid a small fortune to put my father in his crypt . The funeral home tried to talk her into all of the little extras that added up to big bucks . But my mother was satisfied and happy with the arrangements even if there was no viewing , just the interment into the crypt , but it still cost more than I wished she had paid . I had seen programs on television about the high cost of dying , so I didn 't feel sorry if people were cutting back on expensive things like fancy wood coffins or what kind of fancy padding to put in the coffin . I insisted that I was going to be cremated quickly when I die and put in a coffee can with no ceremony other than my friends having a wake for me , with plenty of beer and chips . I left them talking and went into a deathly quiet viewing room where there was a casket set up containing a rather waxy looking man . I wasn 't going near the thing , I had this dislike of seeing people in their coffins . I refused to view my father that way . I wanted to remember him as he was alive , not prone in a box looking lifeless . I studied the way they had the room setup and then left quickly as Deacon was coming down the hallway towards me . " Well , not much more we can do here until forensics comes up with something . I 'd say this was a pro hit , the man was killed while sitting in his chair at his desk and didn 't hear someone come up behind him and slit his throat . The killer left the knife , but I 'm sure there will be no prints . " We were in front of the office where the murder occurred , CSI was finished with the room , so we went in . I walked to the back of the chair where the man was killed and looked around . " He could have come in through that door , " I said pointing to a door just off the back of the desk . I went there and opened the door realizing there was still powder on the knob from when CSI had dusted . I wiped my hands on a curtain next to the door , framing the opening , and then stepped out into a hallway followed by Deacon . We looked both ways in the hall and there were four other doors . I went to the closest and opened it . It was a storeroom of sorts , with vases on stands for flowers and wreath holders . I noticed there were no windows , so I closed the door as Deacon checked another room . They were all offices or sitting rooms . Only one room had windows to the outside . One door led to the lobby right by the entrance where the killer most likely came through . I said , " He would have to know the layout to navigate the doors and hallways to get to Spenser 's office . Either the killer was hired and given the info or the killer is someone who knew the deceased and is good at killing . Either way , you should look into unhappy clients of Spenser , ones who felt they were taken for a ride by the cost . One death in the family wouldn 't be a problem for some people , so to kill the guy who over charged may be a cinch . " " She called and said the trial is going on longer than she expected . Maybe until next week . I 'm holding up the best I can after that month she spent out at the FBI academy . " " You know there are plenty of hookers out roaming the streets , to take care of your needs . " " Hell no , Lynn would kill me if she found out . She 's dangerous with a gun , " Deacon said with a laugh . " Yep , women are like that . So , I 'm wondering if this murder has anything to do with my missing body . I need to find out more about my stolen property 's background . I think I 'll go visit his wife , even though I told the mortician I would hold off but it has to be done . I 'll call him and let him break it to the widow and then I 'll make my attack . " We left the building , Deacon drove me to the office and I went in to see what was going on . Buck was now in his office looking a bit tired . " Burning the midnight oils for your guards now ? " " I 'll leave it at that . Good luck with your team . I have to call a mortician about a body . " I saluted him , went to my private office , and sat at the desk . I picked up the phone and dial Hannigan 's number . He came on after four rings , must be busy with bodies . " Mr . Hannigan , it 's Jim Richards , I need to talk to you . Are you busy ? " " I 'll explain all that when I get there . See you shortly . " I hung up and went out to the lobby ; Lacey was deep in paperwork . I said quietly , " Busy I see . " She screamed in surprise throwing some papers in the air . I jumped back waiting for her to throw something at me . " Do you have to keep doing that ! " she yelled . " So I 've been told by Penny numerous times . I just wanted to let you know I 'm back but I 'm leaving again . Any messages for me ? " I smiled and left the lobby , going out the back door to my car . I drove over to the Hannigan Mortuary and parked . The same woman who greeted Penny and me was at her desk and smiled when I came in . I thanked her and went to the door and in , going to the room where he worked on the bodies , to find Hannigan slumped over a body on a table . My heart skipped a couple beats and went to him quickly . I touched his arm and he jumped , he was alive . " Mr . Richards , I was just listening to the body 's insides for gas before I cut into him for the embalming . He 's a little riper than most and gas can sometimes build up inside if the ME hasn 't performed an autopsy . This body was one whose family refused an autopsy , so I have to be careful when I start inserting needles and removing organs . I can put him back in his cold drawer so we can talk . " He pushed the table to the open drawer and slid the body over then pushed him into the opening . He closed the door with a slam , sending chills through me . He smiled and asked me to follow him . Trapper and Samantha had checked into the bed and breakfast on the outskirts of Denver , north of the city . They had taken Sam 's brother , Phillip , to the clinic where he was going to have the surgery to reassign his sexual body from male to female . He was put happily into a private room that Sam had arranged for and they said their good - byes for the night . " This is a nice place , " Sam said as they settled into the quaint room of the century old gingerbread style house . Sam had gotten the name of the place through one of the pre - op transsexuals who worked for her in her hair salon front for her bookie operation in back . Trapper dropped down on the bed , smiled and said , " At least the bed is new . " " You would notice that out of all the antiques surrounding us . Speaking of antiques , how are you feeling ? " she laughed and opened her suitcase . " We are going out for a good meal at some nice restaurant to celebrate our being here . My treat . " " We can ask the nice lady who checked us in . Let 's go , I 'm hungry . " She pulled him from the bed and they went back downstairs to the small desk in the tiny lobby . There was an elderly woman sitting behind the desk , she smiled as Sam and Trapper approached . " It 's prefect , Mrs . Walters . We would like to go out to eat at a nice restaurant . Can you recommend one ? " Sam said . " Of course , dear . There is a real nice one just down the street ; you can even walk to it . It 's called the North Denver Eatery . It 's not real fancy , you don 't need a tie , but it has great food and the price is right . As they stood there , a young couple came down the stairs and they were arguing loudly . Trapper turn to protect Sam as they were starting to fight . Trapper grabbed the man and held him , " Hey cut it out ! Now ! " The woman was standing still and then she popped the guy in the mouth with her fist . Trapper let him go and grabbed her as she squirmed and kicked out at her partner . " Come on guys , cut it out before I call the cops . " She stopped and was silent when the mention of cops came up . " He 's a bastard ! " she finally spoke . The man spit at her and said , " I should never have come here with you , you 're a psycho bitch ! I 'm outta here ! " He turned and went out the front door , slamming it hard . Trapper let the girl go and she stood looking shocked . Then she turned and went back up the stairs leaving the lobby in silence . " He had his throat cut from behind while he sat at his desk . I went to him about your missing body and we found him dead . The police have already been to the scene . " " Well , I have to talk to the wife to see if there 's a connection . I have to find out more about his background so I can figure out why he was taken . There is a reason and I think I can find out by talking to the widow . Can you tell her about the body so I can talk to her ? " He excused himself to change out of his work smock and then came back . We left and I said we could go in my car . He had the paper with her address and I followed his directions . We arrived in an upper scale neighborhood , mostly money people live there . I could tell that Hall must have had a good paying job with the union . I parked in the drive behind a new Cadillac and we went to the door . Mrs . Hall was an attractive woman , medium height , thin , well built and had puffy blond hair . Built up on her head reminding me of the women from the Jersey Shores show . She stood and asked , " May I help you ? " " Mrs . Hall , I 'm Thomas Hannigan , I 'm the person who is preparing your husband for burial . This man is private detective Jim Richards . May we come in ? She gave us a wary eye ; I pulled my ID and badge and showed her . She smiled and said to come in . She led us to a living room and asked us to sit . " That 's what I 'm trying to find out . Mr . Spenser turned up dead today and I think it may have something to do with the disappearance of your husband 's body . Can I ask you a few questions ? " " Because he was a healthy man and there were threats against him . I put the two together and they came out to murder . But the medical examiner said he could find nothing to prove he was . Natural causes possibly created by stress and a bad liver was the findings . I don 't believe it but the ME was convinced . So my husband is now missing . This is getting very interesting . " I thought of Angelo , my mob connected friend from New York who helped me in Vegas back during the Bridezilla murders . He got the union people in the casinos to help us track the killer . Maybe I would call him if necessary to see what he knows . She continued , " He was in talks to get an increase in wages and health benefits from the owners of the casinos . There would be a big standstill in this town if they went on strike . My husband was not well liked by management in the gaming community . That 's why I think he was murdered to upset the talks . " " They had been in contact for negotiations of burial benefits for the union workers and my husband was asking him for help with the arrangements for contract terms and legal information . That 's why I went to him for the burial . I can 't believe he 's dead . " " So there was a connection between your husband and Spenser , I wonder why it would result in both their demises , " I said . " Well , I can 't help you on that , my husband rarely spoke to me about his work . I just enjoyed and reaped the benefits of his occupation . I belong to a good country club and everyone in the union and its members knows me and takes care of me when I 'm in any casino or hotel . Now I hope that doesn 't end with his death . " I could see where her loyalty lies with her marriage . I knew she was more upset about losing her position than losing her husband . Sad state of affairs this world is in . " I can list you about four people who wanted him dead . I 'll get a pencil and paper and write them down . " She stood and went out of the room . I looked to Hannigan and said , " She took that well didn 't she ? " " No , I couldn 't find a good man , " he said with a grin . " Yes , I 'm gay , and I don 't hide it . People don 't associate with a person who embalms bodies , so it doesn 't matter to me if they know I 'm gay also . " I dropped him back at his mortuary , and decided to go visit Deacon to see if he had anything . Then I would attack the list Mrs . Hall had given me . I arrived at Metro PD and parked , going through the back door to Lynn 's office . Deacon wasn 't there , but Warren was at his desk and said to me , " Deacon was snatched by Weber and taken to his office . Poor bastard . Weber is in a mood today so most of us are trying to avoid him . " He looked down the hall and saw Deacon coming towards us . " Here he comes now . I don 't see any bruises . " Deacon saw me and came over , " This murder of Spenser is now a priority for me . At least until Lynn gets back . Captain knew Spenser from the burial of his brother so he wants me to find the killer fast . " " Well , shall we go sit while I still have a butt to sit on ? " he said with a grin . " Weber didn 't chew on it totally . " We went back to the office and sat , " I talked to the widow of my body and she said he was a big negotiator for the Culinary Union . He was in talks for better pay and health benefits for the workers . The wife thinks he was murdered because of it , and gave me a list of suspects . " I handed him the paper with the list ; he studied it . " That 's what she believes ; I 'm going to talk to a couple of them today . Now , the connection to your body was that Hall was getting Spenser to help him with the death benefit details for contract talks . I wonder if they could have been plotting more than that . " " Because I 'm so cute and cuddly . Where do you want to start , I 'll just tag along . Good things happen when I follow you . " We went to a building off Sands Avenue and parked . The building was a nest full of lawyers , all for the gaming industry . Lots of lawsuits and contracts and buyouts around Vegas , so they needed many lawyers to sort out all the legal aspects . She smiled and asked if she could help us , I fantasized about what she could do for me . I stopped thinking that because Penny would interrogate me when I got home about the thoughts she could read from my mind . " We 'd like to see Hackenbush , " Deacon asked flashing his badge . She looked closely at the ID and said , " One moment . " She took her phone and made a call . Shortly after , another stunning female came through a set of glass doors and up to us . " Well , follow me please . " She turned and went back through the glass doors as we followed admiring her behind . She had to know we were , she used it well . We arrived at an office and went in to an anteroom where the girl sat back at her desk and asked us to have a seat . We went to the very plush couch and sat , as I sunk into the cushion feeling the luxury of the trappings . About ten minutes later , a man came out from behind fancy trimmed oak doors of his office . I had to give an extra push to get up out of the couch , Deacon pulled me up and we went in . The office was just as luxurious as the rest of the building . I hoped this lawyer was worth every penny he put into the decorations of the room . " I knew of Hall , he is , or I should say was , a bulldog for union rights . We had negotiated a number of times in committee . I never dealt with him personally , sorry to have heard he is dead . Spenser was a person I only knew by reputation , he was part of the union 's attempt to gain extra benefits for burial of union members . " " I have no opinions to say , I knew of these men and that is the extent of my contact with either of them . Are you questioning me in regards to their deaths ? Do I need to get one of the partners in the firm to represent me ? " he spoke with a smirk . " Gentlemen , my time is precious , you need to leave . I have no answers for you in regards to either man 's death , so take it at that . Thank you and have a pleasant day . " He stood and went to another door in his office and went out . We sat there surprised by his abrupt reaction . " Touched a nerve I would say . You think he may know something more ? Interesting he referred to Mrs . Hall by her first name . He evidently knows her well enough , " I said to Deacon . " Could be , she was not happy about losing her status in the community , so he may have something to do with his death and she 's not happy about it . Don 't you just love a mystery ? " I said . Deacon just gave me a stare then stood and went out of the room , I followed . He went to another door in the large building , it was marked , ' Office of Harold Kepling , Attorney at Law ' . I realized it was the second name on Mrs . Hall 's list . Kepling came out and greeted us a little warmer than Hackenbush . " Gentlemen , what can I do for Las Vegas ' finest . I am a big supporter for our police ; I think they take a bad rap all too often . " " They hated each other ! He called her a gold digging bitch and she leeched off him for prestige . I tried to talk him into a divorce but he didn 't have a pre - nup , idiot . Besides , she wouldn 't have given him a divorce , she had too much to lose if he left her . He did have a big time life insurance policy so she 'll be set for a while , plus she can sell the house for a cool mil and buy a condo on the strip . That was a marriage waiting for disaster . Too bad Johnny got the short end of the stick . " " She was a natural cause for his death . She kept him drunk hoping he would have an accident in his car . I don 't know how she reached out while he was at the union negotiations , I saw him take the dive into the guacamole , messy stuff . Poor bastard . I gave my statement to the police , but they didn 't investigate when it came up that he died of natural causes . " " Of course , John said it himself many times . You want to know what I think ? I have the feeling she was whoring around . I can 't prove it , she knows I was friends with John , so I wasn 't in on her playmates . Check that out , she may have hired someone to kill him with some fast acting poison that hides in the body , undetectable to an autopsy . " I thought that this guy had a great imagination , which makes him a good lawyer . If you don 't have the facts , make it up . Deacon was now taking notes in his little black book , I probably should carry one , with my memory , but I keep forgetting to buy one . I 'll have to remember the untraceable poison idea and talk to Joe Lang . He sat for a moment and then said , " Todd Cramer will take his spot , he 's the second in line to handle negotiations and I think he 'll drag out the talks . I 've never liked him , most of us don 't . Not because we are the enemy on the other side of the war lines , he just has too many irons in the fire . He is on the take from what I hear , nothing to be proven , but the word is there . I don 't trust the man and neither should you . " " Well , the word is that Culinary may go on strike if the talks stall . Do you know what that would do to this city ? Just about every hotel and casino will have to be serviced by management . Can you see some upper management boss cleaning rooms ? Not to mention that food service would take hours to get people fed . John Hall played hard ball and he threatened a strike ; Cramer will kiss ass and keep the talks going forever to please the casino owners . " " Bingo . As a representative for management and the owners , I can 't say what my personal feelings are about this , I 'd like to see this drag out myself . But we aren 't too close to finalizing anything . " " A motive for murder would be to get Hall out of the way to prevent the city from shutting down . Do you think anyone in your camp would stoop to murder ? " I asked . " I only saw Spenser once when he came into the talks to explain the burial benefit details to management . He was there for a couple hours and then left . I can 't put any speculation on his death . " " My pleasure gentlemen , if you ever need a lawyer , I 'm open to all aspects of law defense . Thanks for listening to me prattle . I hope you find the killer , John was a good friend . " We got nothing out of the them , they clammed up when we started talking murder . The last man was actually rude , but we didn 't think he had anything to tell anyway . We left the building and sat in the car . " So we have a lot of information that really tells us not much . Okay , he could have been snuffed for the sake of saving the city from loss of revenue for the corporations and their stockholders . Is preventing a strike really enough for murder ? " Deacon said . " The joys of detecting . Seeking out the clues and piecing them together , to find a killer . Now don 't you wish Lynn were here ? " I said with a grin . " You 're the official detective , you tell me . I 'm thinking we go talk to Hall 's replacement , Todd Cramer . Maybe we can rattle his tree to see what falls out . " I pulled my cell phone and called Lacey . She came on and I asked her to look in the city phone book for Todd Cramer . I heard her moving around and then could hear paper rustling . She was quiet for a moment then gave me a number and said the address was not listed . I thanked her and hung up . Deacon had pulled into a Carl 's Jr restaurant and parked . " You 're always tired out , but food sounds good , I didn 't have much for lunch with Penny at Bistro 's today . " We exited the car and went in to grab some burgers and fries . We sat at a table by the window so Deacon could watch the car . I didn 't think anyone would steal a cop car , but it was a hot Dodge charger . We wolfed down our food and sat back relaxing . " So , Hall was negotiating contract talks with management . He threatened to strike and shut down the city . Management definitely didn 't want this , so one of them , or more , would have wanted him out of the picture , enough to murder him . I can see that , but why Spenser ? " Deacon was mumbling as he sat back in the hard wooden chairs . Could be , it 's just a hook that they both had dealings with each other . But you 're right it may be a coincidence . Either way , I 'm going back to the precinct to sign out for the day , avoid Weber and go back to my lonely little apartment , thinking about Lynn sitting in her luxury hotel in LA . Life is unjust at times . " " You 're disgusting . I 'm outta here . " He stood as I was laughing and we went out to the car . Deacon dropped me off to my car and I said I 'd see him in the morning and got into my car . I carefully turned it on hoping it wouldn 't blow up , sending me to my funeral like in my dream . I still got chills thinking about being in the closed coffin , I wasn 't good at confined spaces , so I definitely wasn 't happy about it . I drove back to my humble home and thought about Mrs . Hall , and what Kepling said about her screwing around . He also said that she probably wouldn 't murder him to keep her social standing , but the insurance money and the property was a good motive . I 'd have to check on her a little more . I pulled into the garage and parked , going into the house finding Willy gulping down his kibble . Penny came bouncing out from somewhere when she heard me , latching on to me with a big wet kiss . " I have the Las Vegas Funeral Directors Co - operative Association . To discuss the cost of funerals and options for burial . Would you like to come in to model a coffin or two ? " " You are one sick puppy , " I said as I pushed her back carefully , " I 'm not even going to go there when it comes to coffins . I 've had a day of enough death and lawyers , two of the same thing , by the way . I want to crash on the couch , open a couple beers and fool around with my wife . Have you seen her ? Good - looking woman , natural golden brown hair , well built for sex . She 's not one who messes with her husband 's head . If you see her send her to the couch , " I said and went to the living room and plopped on the couch . Willy jumped up and plopped down on my lap . She sat with her food and we watched television , a good comedy that I really needed , " Evan Almighty " . It was a goofy movie , but I was misty - eyed happy as it progressed . I didn 't like " The Office " with Steve Carell , but he was funny in this movie . Around eleven we went to bed , Willy jumped up on his Bate 's motel chair that I bought for him from the magic convention murder case . He circled and then flopped down with a huff . Penny crawled under the covers and cuddled me . We lay there in each other 's arms and she whispered to me , " I am happy every day to be with you . I would never put you in a coffin ; I know you don 't want that . I wouldn 't want that either . Please don 't dream about death tonight , I want you alive in the morning to kiss me before I go to work . " It was late when Trapper and Sam returned to the Denver Hills Bed and Breakfast and entered the small lobby finding Mrs . Walters asleep in her rocking chair behind the counter . Trapper and Sam stood at the desk as he softly cleared his throat , bringing Mrs . Walters out of her sleep . She brought her grey - haired head up from her slumber , looked surprised and stood as slowly as her eighty - some year old body would let her . " My goodness , I don 't usually fall asleep at the desk , but I was concerned about the young couple who fought earlier , so I waited here to see if he would come back , but the young man didn 't come back , or I didn 't see him . It 's been quiet this evening . Did you two have a good meal ? " Sam answered , " It was fantastic , and your recommendation was spot on . Afterwards we went to a very nice bar down the road from the restaurant and listened to some good jazz music . It was a very enjoyable evening for our first night in Denver . Thank you . " Trapper said they would be there , then they left Mrs . Walters as he and Sam went up the stairs to their room . As they reached the floor , they headed down the hall towards the end , where their room was , Trapper noticed a slightly open door . He stopped and pushed the door with his finger and saw something that he didn 't want to see . A bloody dead body stretched out on the bed , it was the young woman . He carefully pushed Sam back so she didn 't see the body and told her to go down and call the police , quickly . She stared at him , then realized he was being serious and quickly ran back downstairs to call the police , trusting Trapper 's request . He yelled to her before she was all the way down to say there was a murder . She felt a chill when she heard that . Trapper answered , " They fought , I tried to intervene but they stormed off , she went back upstairs , he went out the door . We arrived back later and I found the body through the open door of their room . " " You were a homicide cop up in Michigan , correct ? " Peters asked Trapper . " No , we just came across them in the lobby when they fought . We left shortly after , as I said , and didn 't see either one after that . At least until we came back and I found the woman dead in the room . " Trapper liked this woman . Detective Peters stood and said , " Okay , I 'll wait and see what CSU comes up with , but I would recommend that you stay alert in case Rice comes back again . Although I don 't think he will . " Peters was heading out of the sitting room followed by Trapper , Sam and Mrs . Walters just as the front door opened and in came Terrence Rice . Trapper moved Sam and Mrs . Walters back with his arm and called to Peters that he was the man . Peters pulled his service revolver and told Rice to drop to the floor . The young man looked shocked and dropped to his knees after seeing a gun pointed at him . He had his hands up in the air as Peters pulled them back and cuffed him . Peters called for his uniforms and told them to watch him until he said to take him in . The next morning I awoke feeling strange , I thought about Trapper for some reason . I would have to call him to see how his trip was going . I kissed my wife as she stretched to wake . She kissed me back and said good morning . We both got out of bed and went to our own bathrooms to get ready . That was the nice thing about having our own bathrooms ; we can get ready for the day without having to stumble over each other . Although I liked to join her in her shower when the mood was right , this morning it wasn 't . I was shaved and ready for the world , as I went out to get my morning toast I could smell something delicious . I entered the kitchen and found Penny making French toast . I was amazed . I got my things ready after Penny left to go to her show . I had custody of Willy , so that meant I had to go to the office to drop him off for Lacey to watch him . I took him to my car and started it up with trepidation , wondering when it would blow up , if at all . Willy sat next to me as I drove to the office and parked . I let Willy follow me into the building ; he was being carried too much and needed the exercise . As I drove out , I checked my cell phone for the voice mail and found my phone was shut off . Strange , I don 't remember shutting it off , but the joy of forgetfulness was plaguing me more every day . I just hope I never got Alzheimers . I don 't think I would like to forget who Penny was or Deacon and Lynn . I felt for the families of people who had the disease , it must be tough . I turned the phone on , found Deacon 's voice mail , and listened to it . He explained that since he was now putting Hall 's disappearance together with Spenser 's murder , he got CSI to go to the mortuary and check it out . I pulled into the parking lot and went into the building finding the same pleasant woman at the reception desk . She waved and said to go in , the police were still there . I went in the door I had gone through a number of times in the last couple days and I went back to the cold room , as I called it , and found Deacon talking to Larry , the supervisor of the CSI techs . There were a couple of forensic people working on the drawer that Hall had been in . Deacon saw me , smiled and waved me over . " Good morning , I tried to wake you but got your voice mail , not answering your phone in the mornings now ? " Larry said , " We have pulled a good number of prints from the drawers and luckily the bag that the body was brought in was still here . Hannigan did some checking and found that he is missing a couple body wraps so we know what to look for . The door was jimmied at the back and the thief left a couple good prints on the door , we just need to compare them to our database . I 'll give you a call when we have something , " he said to Deacon and went off to do his work . " Yes , there 's an endless supply . Thanks and if you need me I 'll be up to my elbows in body parts . " He left the room and Deacon turned to me and said , " Shall we go back to Metro ? " " It 's good in there ; Weber is at another meeting about the President coming to Vegas next week . The place is full of Secret Service all explaining and checking out our operation . We 've done well enough in the past protecting dignitaries coming into town . Hell , Paris Hilton feels safe here , doesn 't she ? " He laughed out loud and went off . He listened and then hung up , turned to the fax machine in the office and waited . After a few minutes , two sheets of paper came out and Deacon pulled both . He read the papers and handed them to me . I saw the pictures , neither of them looked like thugs , and neither looked familiar , but why would they ? One was named Harry Brinkley and the other was Mercer Thaning . " Are we going to go after them now ? " " We have the addresses on the papers , I 'll call for a couple warrants to search for bodies and we 'll go . " He made a couple calls and we waited . About an hour later , Warren came in and gave Deacon some papers , " These were just delivered , shall I get a team together to make an assault ? " We went out to the back as a few cops were gathering and Deacon went over the plan . Everyone headed to their cars and the stragglers caught up . I went with Deacon and we drove out to Valley View and into a neighborhood that didn 't look poor . I thought that crime was paying well , at least for criminals . Everyone congregated in front of the first house on the warrants and then Deacon went to the door , pounding on it and yelling to open up . No answer . Deacon tried the door , it was locked so he signaled the uniform with the ram and he took out the door in one hit . Everyone flowed into the building and started to clear the place . They found no one in the residence and then Deacon called in the rest of the uniforms to search the house for a body . I wasn 't sure if they would stash the body here , or just dump it out in the desert . But then I didn 't know what the intent of taking the body was for . The woman was visibly shaken and said , he was out . Deacon handed her the warrant and told one of the uniforms to watch her as everyone went into the building . The woman was stammering about this being illegal and the cop watching her told her to read the search warrant , she did and shut up . About ten minutes later , one cop yelled from the basement and we all went down . He pointed to a huge freezer in one corner and opened it to show the body all stuffed in it , frozen like a side of beef . Deacon read the toe tag , it had Hall 's name and it read " Hannigan Mortuary " on the bottom of it . " Looks like we found Hall , now we need to find Thaning , " Deacon said . " Get the coroner down here to take the body out . " Deacon turned to me , " You can call Hannigan to let him know the body was found . " I went off to the side of the basement and called him , he came on after a couple rings and I told him the body has been recovered . He was ecstatic and asked when he could get it back . " Well , it 's been frozen , and kind of all in a fetal position , they 've called the coroner down to take the body out , so call Joe Lang for the disposition of the corpse . " He thanked me and we finished the call . I went back to Deacon . " I put a BOLO out for Thaning , we need to talk to the woman . " We went upstairs and the cop watching the woman had her in the living room . She looked scared as Deacon sat next to her on the couch . |
Shortly after we returned from our Thanksgiving trip to Ohio , Mommy B and I noticed that Scarlett wasn 't eating much . This is a 7 1 / 2 year old Golden - something who hasn 't missed a meal since we adopted her . At first it was just one meal here and there - maybe waiting to eat her breakfast until later in the afternoon or not eating her dinner until the next morning . But as the weeks passed , we noticed that she was going days without touching her food . We thought maybe she had just grown tired of eating the same dry dog food for 7 years . So , first we tried getting it a little wet so that it had a different consistency . That worked for a couple meals , then she stopped eating again . Next we tried getting her canned dog food to see if that would do the trick . Again , it worked for a couple days but then slowly tapered off and she would only eat a couple bites every couple days . As you can imagine , since she wasn 't eating she didn 't want to do much else . She would follow - us around the house and go outside to use the bathroom , but that was about it . After watching this behavior slowly get worse over a couple weeks , we decided it was time to take her to the vet to check her out . The vet felt around and told us that he felt a rather large mass in her stomach area , but wasn 't quite sure what it was . They also drew a little blood so they could run some labs . They informed us that it would take a couple days to get the results , so there wasn 't much we could do at that moment . So we took the weekend to see if it was just a blockage that needed to pass , and would bring her back the following week to have an X - ray done on her so we could get some answers . The vet had called early the following week to let us know that some of her levels were high , so they definitely wanted to perform the X - ray to see what was going on . Tatsy took her in to get X - rayed while Mommy B and I went to work , and the vet called Mommy B later that day with the results . He informed her that the X - ray showed Scarlett had developed a cancerous mass in her stomach area . This mass was pushing on her stomach which was making her feel full and thus not wanting to eat . He kindly advised that he could always try to surgically remove the mass , but there was no guarantees . For a dog that age , the rehab process would be long and hard . . . and there was no way of knowing if she would be " normal " again afterward . He didn 't mention the cost associated with surgery , but I already knew the answer . Mommy B called me full of tears while I was leaving work to deliver the news . I cried all the way home . Why ? Why did this happen ? Why did it have to happen so soon ? She wasn 't THAT old , how does she have cancer at this age ? What will the kids think ? What will they understand being so young ? What will the house be like . . . feel like . . . without a dog ? Will the next dog love us and the kids as much as Scarlett did ? What if the next one seems nice but then bites or attacks the kids ? So many questions and no answers . . . All I knew was that I wanted to get home and hug my poor doggy . For 7 years I 've walked in the door from a long day at work and she has greeted me with a smile and a tail wag . That night was no different , only I held on to her for a long time when I walked in and sat on the floor . Mommy B started crying right away , and of course I did too . The kids asked why we were sad , so we explained to them that Scarlett was sick and that she might need to go to the doctor soon . We tried to explain that when she went to the doctor , she wouldn 't be coming home and that the doctor was going to help her go to heaven . Alli , never missing a thing , said " Will she see Grandpa Great ? " Yes , Alli - hopefully she 'll see Grandpa Great when she gets there . That might , Mommy B and I talked things over and made one of the most difficult decisions we 've ever had to make as adults . We decided that surgery would be too expensive and too risky for a slim chance that she might get a little better , and we weren 't about to watch her starve herself to death . So I made the ever - so - fun phone call to the vet the next day to schedule when we would put Scarlett to sleep . They had an opening on Saturday at noon , so I decided that would give us a couple more days with her and the kids would get to hang out with her for a bit that morning . Tatsy said she would come take the kids for that afternoon and evening so that Mommy B and I could have some time to grieve without the kids around . That night , we reminded the kids that Scarlett was very sick and that in a couple days we were going to take her to the doctor and he was going to " help her go to heaven " as they said . So we tried to spoil Scarlett as much as we could the next couple of days . We let her eat table scraps , took her for walks every night , and basically just let her do whatever she wanted . On Friday afternoon , we took the whole family to a park down the street which also happen to belong to a neighborhood church . Fitting , we thought . The kids had fun playing with the dog one last time , and she had fun sniffing all the new smells . That night we made sure the kids gave her big hugs before they went to sleep and we took pictures of them laying on her . She had always been a saint when it came to putting up with the kiddos , so it made me tear up a bit watching them play on her . The next morning , we all had a family snuggle fest on our bed including the guest of honor . After breakfast , we went for a family walk and played with Scarlett as much as possible . Tatsy showed up a little after 11 , and that 's when reality hit me - it was almost time to go . We had the kids give Scarlett big hugs again and told them that it was time for Scarlett to go to the doctor . They seemed to understand and Alli was visibly sad that this was the last time they would see the only dog they 've ever known . After they left , we loaded Scarlett into the car and headed to the vet 's office . When we arrived , they ushered us into a room with a pad on the floor where we could get settled . After a few minutes of waiting , they took Scarlett into the back so they could put in the port where they would inject the lethal drugs . When they brought her back , she was understandably a little skiddish , but I think the combination of being sick and not eat much for a couple weeks finally caught up to her . She eventually laid down in the corner and just let me pet her for a while . Maybe it was exhaustion or maybe wishful thinking on my part . . . but as I looked at her , she seemed very at peace . It almost looked like she was ready to go . Ready to stop fighting a losing battle with something she didn 't understand . Ready to rest . . . finally . The doctor came in and he explained how the process would work - how the drugs affected the body and what the reaction typically looked like . I had been through this process before with my own childhood dog , but Mommy B had never put a dog to sleep . After saying a few kind words , we told him we were ready . He injected another fluid first to flush the port , then injected the drugs that would quickly and painlessly take away our first family dog . It happened very fast , as it usually does . As the drugs made their way through her system , she coughed a couple times , then laid her head down and closed her eyes . The doctor listened for her heartbeat for a few moments , then told us what we had hoped not to hear for at least another 4 - 5 years . . . that she was gone . I leaned down and thanked her for being such a good dog and for teaching me so much . About how to care for another life that depended on me ( she was good practice before the kids came around ) , how to reset my priorities , how to see life through a dog 's eyes , but most importantly to not take life for granted . She only got to spend 7 1 / 2 years on this planet , but she had a darn good life . Mommy B 's biggest point of sadness was that her life had been cut so short . . . and while I agreed , I also reminded her that if it hadn 't been for us rescuing her , she wouldn 't have even gotten that . She did more in that short time than many dogs get to do ever . While she may not have gotten to live a very long life , she got to live a pretty great one . I gave her a big hug and kiss on the head , then got to walk out all teary - eyed to our car . The doctors have a large tract of land out in the country , where they offer to spread the ashes of any animal that they euthanize . Mommy B and I agreed that Scarlett would have wanted that instead of being stuck in a jar or box on the mantle . I managed to drive us home , where we hugged each other and cried some more . I had gotten most of my crying out the night Mommy B had called and delivered the bad news , so I didn 't have many tears left . Anyone who has ever been through this process knows the empty feeling you have when you walk back into the house afterwards . There were no kids around , and for the first time in 7 1 / 2 years . . . no dog . It was awful , and I knew that nothing was going to help except time . That night , Mommy B and I sat on the couch and watched some shows , constantly looking down to Scarlett 's favorite spot on the rug . I had a beer for each year she was alive , recounting my fondest memories of her with Mommy B . There was the time we went running on the beach when she was a puppy . And how I took her for a walk every . single . day . until the kids were born . And the countless times she made me swim after her in the neighborhood retention ponds , then bathe her after I had dragged her home . And the time she escaped down the street only to come running back into the garage with a deer hot on her tail . Or all the moles she caught . All the nights she was up with us the first few weeks after each kid was born . And all the licks she gave to the kids as the grew up before her very eyes . She was our furry first - born . And she will be missed dearly . I hope she actually is up in heaven with Grandpa Great , getting all the walks they both want . Goodbye , sweet doggy . . . we all will miss you so much . I know it 's been forever and a day since we last updated the blog . Things just got so busy between our new jobs and whatnot that we neglected to do what we created the blog for in the first place - to write things down so we wouldn 't forget them . So much has happened in the last few months that I need to catch y ' all up on , so here goes . My job at Equifax has been going wonderfully . It has been such a great place to work and I absolutely love the people there . I haven 't felt this " at home " somewhere in a long time - which is a very refreshing feeling . It has been a crazy few months there ( which is reason # 1 as to why I haven 't updated the blog , ) but things are finally starting to settle down . I 've been putting in 50 hours a week for the last couple of months as the deadline approaches for employers to get their 1095 - C forms printed and sent out to their employees . The IRS pushed the deadline from 1 / 31 / 2016 back to 3 / 31 / 2016 , which made things a little easier on companies to get their stuff together but harder on me because now I have to deal with this madness for another 6 - 7 weeks . We 'll get there eventually though . . . and as I mentioned the people I work with are so wonderful that they make it worth coming in and dealing with the craziness that we do right now . I technically have another 3 months on my contract , but my manager has already let me know that her boss ( my hiring manager , Mark ) wants to bring me on permanently once my contract is up . I told her nothing would make me happier than to stay at Equifax , but the salary would have to be there in order for me to entertain the thought . She told me that last week all the team leads had to rank their project managers , and that I ranked right up at the top with the 3 people who were already permanent project managers ( who have been doing this job the longest . ) It was very humbling to hear a compliment like that , but I know I 've worked my butt off to gain the knowledge and experience that I have in these short 6 months . So , we shall see where this journey goes from here . . . but I 'm optimistic that all my hard work will pay off for me . Mommy B has been slowly but surely getting into the groove of her supervisor position . She has been putting in some long hours too and it has not gone unnoticed . As a matter of fact , there have been numerous meetings with the higher - ups at her work in which she finds them fighting over her . I told her as awkward as it may feel because you are in the same room as all of this is taking place , it was a good problem to have . She has still kept her eyes out for other teaching positions because that is what she ultimately wants to do . As such , she had an interview just last week for a nurse educator position in an area she knows fairly well . It would mean getting her back to something she is a little more comfortable with and hopefully back to a normal number of hours as well . . . not to mention hopefully an increase in salary . Just like with my job - we 'll see how it plays out and see what happens with it all . Alli has been loving her new school . I get her up every morning at 6 : 10am to get out the door by 6 : 30 so she can catch the bus by 6 : 40am . She arrives at school by 7 : 20 or so and stays until 2 : 40pm , at which time she catches the Chesterbrook bus to go hang out at her old " baby school " ( as she calls it ) until Mommy B or I pick her up along with her little bro . In October , she was selected as the first " Terrific Kid " of the year . She got to stand up on front of all the Terrific Kids from the other grades and accept her award from the principal of Jennie Moore Elementary School . She was a little shy at first , but she embraced it after a little bit and has been impressing us constantly ever since . Her memory never ceases to amaze us , and Tatsy asked her the other day how many times she has missed the bus and she accurately responded , " Four , " then proceeded to recount who took her to school each time . In all fairness , we actually have only " missed " the bus twice , and the other two times we drove her on purpose . She completed her first season of Little Kickers soccer and seemed to enjoy herself while participating . It didn 't hurt that a few of the kids she goes to school with from JME were on the opposing teams and her coach was our neighbor , Mr . Mike . She was probably the fastest kid out there , but was still a little nervous about getting into the action . Aiden has been following in his big sister 's footsteps as many second - born siblings do . He recently moved up to Room 10 at Chesterbrook and has been loving being the only Meibers there for the majority of the day . He too completed his first year of Little Kickers soccer and after spending most of the season on the sideline because he didn 't want to play - finally came out of his shell with two games left in the season . He was out there running around , getting in the mix with the other kids , and in his final game even took a fast break all the way down the field and scored his very first goal ! Talk about a Proud Dad moment - and I was right out there on the field with him when it happened . I wish Mommy B could have seen it , but she was taking Alli to her last game at the same time . We signed him up for Spring soccer too so we can get him back out there again , and hopefully he 'll continue his improvement . After being unemployed for just over two months , I finally received an offer ( two actually ) , accepted it , and started a new job on August 10th . Being forcefully unemployed is quite possibly the hardest job there is . Between applying for jobs , updating your online profiles , applying for unemployment , updating your resume , applying for more jobs , having the kids home 2 out of 5 business days , interviewing , normal chores , home improvements , stressing about money , applying for more jobs , and having more interviews . . . things are far from relaxing . But , I hung in there and pushed on through . And go figure - after not hearing diddly squat for almost 2 months , I received two offers within 24 hours of each other . The first offer was from my former employer Blackbaud , who wanted to bring me back on as an Enterprise Senior Project Manager . It was more or less the same job I used to have there , only in a different business unit and a much higher salary . The other offer was for a 9 - month contract position with Equifax . Yes , the credit bureau - only I wouldn 't be dealing with that side of the house . I 'd actually be working for Equifax Workforce Solutions which has recently developed an Affordable Care Act eligibility application . Employers purchase and use the software to help them determine who is considered full time ( and who is not ) and therefor who they need to be offering health care coverage to . At first blush , you would think it would be a no - brainer that I 'd go back to The ' Baud because it 's the " safe " route . But , as I told the recruiter who asked me for the pros and cons of each , I know how the sausage is made . I left Blackbaud three years ago for good reasons , and I have no way of 100 % knowing that those same reasons don 't still exist . And even though the Equifax job is technically only guaranteed for 9 months , there is potential for a permanent position at the end of the contact . And worst - case scenario would be if Equifax doesn 't re - up the contract , then the IT recruitment firm that brought me on has to find me another job . Since I 'm a glutton for punishment , I decided to take the position at Equifax . I know so many people there ( former Blackbauders who also left for good reasons ) , and the money is out of this world . What 's even better is that because I 'm a contractor , I get paid hourly - so anything over 40 hours each week is time and a half . Cha - ching ! I know it 's a roll of the dice , and I 'm not much of a gambler . . . so taking this type of risk ( again ) is really not in my nature . It was an extremely difficult decision , especially since Blackbaud had really come up big in the salary department - which was a shock . But Mommy B sat down and made a list of all the pros and cons of each , and at the end of the day the Equifax job just felt " right . " I 'm proud to say that not once in the 2 + months I was laid off did I take a nap while the kids were gone . Obviously I didn 't have time for that given the aforementioned home improvements and contact job searching . I did , however , run the bridge a few times to get reacquainted with an old friend . It had been a few years since I crossed the entire span of the ol ' girl , and she still put up a good fight . Well , I think it was mostly the July heat and humidity - but the bridge is no joke either . Alas , I 've been back at work now for three full weeks , and I 'm so glad that rough chapter is over with . Now it 's time for Mommy B and I to recoup my lost earnings and put some money back in the bank . I couldn 't be more proud of how we handled things . Mostly proud of myself for staying disciplined all those years and putting money away in case of an emergency . Going 2 + months without a paycheck would have been enough to put some people onto the street , but we had enough tucked away that it really didn 't adversely affect us all that much . We made a few cutbacks ( like getting rid of cable ) , and are probably better off because of it . It was a humbling experience to say the least , but I 'm glad it 's over . Now Mommy B can seriously say " Get to work , " and I 'll actually have somewhere to go . Today marked another milestone in our books . . . one that sort of snuck up on us , and one I don 't think we expected to make us tear up as much as it did . Alli started pre - K at Jennie Moore Elementary School today . We had talked a lot and weighed options about her doing this program versus one more full year at Chesterbrook . When the school system decided to make pre - K full day this year , we thought , why not ? You have to apply and get accepted to the program , and we got her acceptance letter back when we were vacationing in Aruba , and we were thrilled ! Alli needed a new challenge after 4 years at Chesterbrook , and we couldn 't wait for her to start this adventure . On top of it being a new adventure for her , it is actually a brand new school that just finished construction mere days before the older students started classes last week . Yesterday , half the class attended pre - K , and today was Alli 's turn . Tomorrow , the entire class will be there and they will start a normal routine . Although it is far from the normal we are all used to . . . Including and especially Aiden ! This morning Aiden woke up at 4 : 45am ( yes , you read that right ) , talking about Jennie Moore . I swear this sweet boy was so excited for his sister , and cares so very much for her . Alli came down a little before 6 , ready and excited for her new adventure . We got her dressed in her pink JME shirt , took pictures , and headed out so we could all be there to walk her in . Pictures are worth a thousand words . . . The emotions , excitement , and even the big hug between siblings were all captured this morning by photo . She was beyond excited , anxious , and a little nervous when initially entering the classroom . For as long as she can remember , any transition into a new classroom at Chesterbrook has at least included familiar faces and familiar surroundings . This was all brand new . We helper her find her cubby , find her name at her desk , and Aiden gave her a big good luck hug . I think that 's what truly did me in . He has never been at Chesterbrook without her , that 's all hPosted by Grandma Great originally didn 't want to have any type of memorial service for her late husband at all . At first , she just wanted to have a private ceremony with just us family members and call it a day . But her children talked her into having a full service so that all the folks in Findlay who knew Dean would have a chance to pay their respects . Little did I know that it would turn into . . . all the folks in Findlay . I seriously thought the town must have shut down from 11am - 1pm that day . Once the doors opened and people began coming in , they didn 't stop - for over 2 straight hours . The line of people was out the door the entire time . Since I didn 't grow up in Findlay , I had to continuously introduce myself as Mommy B 's husband or sometimes even as " Grandma C 's son - in - law . " However , with the advent of a little social media website called Facebook , just about everyone in town knew who I was . Well , let me rephrase . . . they knew who my kids were . Mommy B and I honestly felt like Internet celebrities with the sheer number of people who follow the repostings of Grandma C 's pictures with the A - team . Many of her friends might not have known me from Adam , but once they knew I was the father of Grandma C 's " adorable grandchildren , " the association was made and I became as loved as anyone else in the family . That 's the wonderful thing about marrying into this family . . . they have all treated me like family since the moment I set foot in that small town over 12 years ago . And it wasn 't hard to see why - Dean was like that . All the time . He worked at Cooper Tire in the Payroll department for over 40 years . Back in the day before direct bank deposits , he used to walk the floor of the plant and hand - deliver payroll checks to 900 + employees . He may not have always be able to put a person 's face to their name , but he could put their face to their employee payroll number . " Oh , there 's Sammy . . . number 35298 . " In a town that small ( especially back in those days , ) it 's no wonder the whole town showed up for his memorial service . He had probably cut a check to just about everyone in town at one point or another during his tenure there . I 've only been to one other funeral in my life , and it was for my own grandmother back in 2006 . But I have never felt more like " part of the family " than I did that day . It became very clear to me as I watched the steady stream of people make their way through the line of family members that Dean had influenced so many lives in his 79 years on this earth . But not just touched them , I mean really impacted them . I couldn 't count the number of stories Grandma Great recalled about how she and Dean had met the person she was talking to . The woman has a memory like a steel trap . Gee , I wonder where my children get it ? Every one of them talked about how much Dean smiled , and how much he loved and was so very proud of his family . I know how much a smile means to people . If you were to look back at my wedding pictures and examine the group of groomsmen I had assembled , you 'd find that they 're all very different from one another . However , the one thing they all have in common was that I kept them around because they made me smile . A smile is infectious , in the best way possible . And that 's exactly how Dean lived his life - with a smile on his face and a laugh in his voice . In 12 years of being around Dean during family gatherings , I don 't think I ever once saw him upset or down . Once everyone finally made it through and we had shaken and / or hugged them all , it was time to begin the service . The whole family sat up front , with myself to the right of Mommy B , who was to the right of Grandma Great . To get things started , two retired military members walked in , picked up the folded flag from the table , gave it a slow salute and officially presented it to Grandma Great . Then as one headed to the side door , the other lifted his head and said " Prepare yourselves for rifle fire . " The side doors opened and in walked another man with a set of bagpipes . He began playing " Amazing Grace , " which made everything all too real , all at once . Once the song concluded , three rounds of seven rifles all fired in unison , to which a trumpet then chimed in to conclude the military honors . By then everyone in the front row was reaching for their second tissue . I still get goosebumps even now thinking about it . The family 's pastor then began telling stories that the family had shared about Dean . Everything from sibling rivalries to children 's memories of their father to wisdom passed to grandchildren . Some of the stories I knew , some I didn 't . Dean was one of five children , and all the siblings look exactly alike . Each time one came into the room I could spot them from a mile away . Everyone had some good laughs recounting some of Dean 's funnier moments . The pastor went on to remind everyone that Dean had lost a considerable amount of weight by joining Weight Watchers , completely transforming his body within a couple short years so that he could have as many more years as possible . And through it all , there he was . . . smiling from ear to ear . He may not have had the easiest life nor the longest , but he had the best by the way he lived it . That was my biggest takeaway from the experience , and I vowed to try to live my life by it from that day forward . And don 't think I 'm ignorant to the coincidence surrounding that statement especially given my current ( un ) employment situation . To wrap things up , Mommy B was to read a poem to the audience . I told her I would accompany her up to the podium and read it for her if she was too distraught . But , she made it through like a trooper - her voice only faltering on the last two lines . The pastor said a few more words and the service was over . We all wiped what tears we had left and said goodbye to those who were still there . There were quite a few people I was happy to see had made it - Grandpa Ron , Mommy B 's best friend Jamie drove up from Dayton with her son , and all of Grandma C 's friends that I 've gotten to know pretty well over the last decade . They were all heartbroken at the fact that Dean was actually gone , but held firm in their belief that he was in a better place now . Probably walking Jada . We packed up a few things and went over to Grandma Great 's house to eat our emotions away thanks to all the homemade food everyone had dropped off the day before . We spent the rest of the afternoon sharing more family stories about Dean and stuffing our faces with all the comfort foods you come to expect when someone passes away . Since it had been such an emotional day , we called in an early night and went back to Grandma C 's for some much needed rest . The next day was Grandma Great 's birthday ( July 3rd ) , so we went over to Uncle Tim 's house and repeated the process from the day before of eating ourselves silly . Not to mention that a couple of us added some beers to the mix as well . We even had some ice cream cake for Grandma Great , so that she could celebrate her 79th birthday in style . That morning while Grandma C let me drive her Harley - Davidson Road King all by myself , Mommy B had dug into her closet and found the letters that Dean had written to her while she was away at college . She brought her favorites to the cookout that afternoon , and we all laughed until our faces hurt at the content of said letters . It was the second time hearing them for me , since I was typically present when they arrived at Mommy B 's apartment . But it was even better hearing them all these years later . . . proving once again that Dean could always make you smile , even after he was gone . We flew home on Saturday and were supposed to get into Charleston just in time to hop in the car , drive to my parent 's house , and head out on their boat with the kiddos to watch the fireworks in the harbor . Well , little did we know that some seriously bad weather had moved into the Charleston area that afternoon , and things were not looking good for that evening . After having our first flight delayed , we completely changed airlines in hopes of getting into town on time . Well , that flight was then delayed to the point where we were likely going to miss our connecting flight to Charleston . We landed in Atlanta and I hauled ass to our gate and was relieved to see that the airplane was still there and the door was still open . However , because we thought we weren 't going to make that flight , we had our original airline confirm us on a later flight so we could at least get into town that night . We tried calling them back to have them switch us back to the original flight ( that was literally 30 yards away with the door still open ) , but they were unable to get the computers to match up . So there we were , watching our flight get pushed back and take off without us - taking with it our only hopes of watching the fireworks with our kids . Talk about being down in the dumps . Well , come to find out , the weather had gotten so bad in Charleston that my parents pulled the plug on the whole boat outing anyway . They simply did not want to take the chance of heading out onto the water in bad weather with our children while we weren 't around . So Mommy B and I sat in the Atlanta airport and had some drinks to help pass the time . Obviously we weren 't missing any festivities back home , so we tried to make the best of the situation . All we could do at that point was smile , because we knew that 's what Dean would have done . We eventually made it home and the rain had cleared out a bit which made our descent much easier . And best part was , the next night 's weather was amazing and our neighborhood put on a fireworks show of their own - just a short golf cart ride away . Needless to say we were glad to be back home and done with what needed to be done . I 'm certainly glad we made the trip to not only see the rest of the family , but pay our respects to someone who certainly deserved it . Dean will definitely be missed by those that knew him , and luckily he has passed on some things that he 'll always be remembered for . Fortunately for me , many of them are present in my wife . She got his flat feet , infectious smile , and a heart that was made to love . As a nurse , she treats everyone like they are part of her family - because she genuinely cares about them as such . As a wife , she has always been there to help me up when I 'm down because that 's what best friends do . And as a mother , she loves and is so proud of the children we are raising together . To compound the stress of being laid off , Mommy B 's grandfather Dean passed away a couple weeks ago . His health had been rapidly deteriorating for a few months , so it was a good thing Mommy B took the kiddos up to Ohio to see him back in April . On one hand I wish I had been able to see him one more time before he passed , but on the other hand I 'm kind of glad I didn 't see him in the state that he was in at the time . It was Tuesday , May 30th , 2015 . I was getting the kiddos ready for school so that I could come home and get back on my job searching . Before I got the kids dressed , I noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from Grandma C . As I listened to the message , my heart sank . She informed me that her father had passed away in his sleep early that morning and she was headed over to the nursing home at that moment to take care of everything . My eyes welled up and suddenly the world seemed a bit darker , like a light had gone off somewhere in the house but I couldn 't tell where . I wiped my eyes and continued to get the kids ready for school . . . but everything felt different . The kids weren 't listening to me and wouldn 't do what I asked ( then told ) them to do . Suddenly , I lost it . All the emotion from the past couple weeks came rushing up and I blew my top . I screamed at the kids . . . louder than I 've ever yelled at them before . It scared the pants off both of them and they began to cry , which rarely happens . I 'm probably lucky the neighbors were already off to work so they couldn 't hear how loud I was . In retrospect , how stupid was that ? Did I really think the kids were going to hear anything that came out of my mouth after that ? Did I really think that was going to teach them a lesson ? After I finished scolding them for whatever it was , I stormed out of the living room and into our bedroom to get myself changed . After I had a few moments to think about what I had just done and how dumb of a thing to do it was , I went back into the living room and sat down on the floor in front of the couch where they were both still sobbing . With tears in my eyes , I held my arms out and told them how sorry I was for yelling . Still a little wary , they both came and timidly gave me a hug . I had them sit on my lap and I tried explaining to them that I wasn 't mad at them and I had just gotten some bad news and that was what I really was upset about . They both seemed to accept that and told me that they didn 't like it when I yelled at them . I replied by promising to never yell at them like that again . I swore that from that point forward , I would do my best to never yell at them that way again . As their tears and sobbing subsided , I gave them big hugs and kisses and reminded them that I loved them more than anything in this world . After we all wiped our tears away , we picked ourselves up off the floor and got on with our day . After dropping the kids off at school , I came home and promptly called Grandma C . She told me they still didn 't have all the details ironed out at that point , but they were going to have a memorial service for Dean in Findlay , Ohio on Thursday at 11am . I told her I would immediately start looking for flights for Mommy B and I . I had talked with my mom the previous week about Dean 's declining health , and she said that if things got really bad ( which they now had ) , that she and Pops would watch the kids for us . She said the last thing we would want is to have to worry about the kids while going through all of that too . After some serious searching online , I was able to find some halfway decent flights from Charleston to Detroit that didn 't cost an arm and a leg . We would fly into Detroit Wednesday night at midnight ( then drive an hour and a half home ) , then fly home on Saturday afternoon just in time for the 4th of July fireworks in the Charleston harbor on the boat with my family . That would give us plenty of time for the memorial service and a whole day to hang out with Mommy B 's grandma on her birthday before we came back home . Once the flights were booked , I called my mom to let her know the plan and called Mommy B so she could put her notice in at the hospital . Luckily for me , I didn 't have anyone to report my leave to . We flew to Detroit by way of Washington , D . C . late Wednesday night and actually made it into Detroit around 11 : 30pm . Grandma C and her friend Tom picked us up and we made the dash back to Findlay - only stopping for some wings and a beer on the way . It was close to 2 : 30am by the time we finally hit the sheets , and we knew we were going to have to be up in a few hours to be up , showered , dressed , and somewhat presentable by 10am . It had been a long day , but we were both glad we were there . After what felt like a short nap , we drug our butts out of bed and put on our dreary , black clothes . Although we looked formal , it was pretty evident we were headed somewhere somber . A McDonald 's patron even commented to Mommy B and I while we were waiting for a bite to eat for breakfast . . . He pointed to a group of younger adults who were dressed in tattoos , tank tops and pants halfway down their butts and said " You two look so nice , all clean cut and everything . . . and then you have this over here , " thumbing in the direction of Findlay 's future police blotter stars . I held my poker face and replied , " Thanks , but we 're on our way to a funeral . " My tone probably read more like " I appreciate the compliment of being held to a higher regard than common white trash , but I 'm in no mood for comparisons at the moment . " We grabbed our McMuffins and walked out , hoping that a little sustenance would help alleviate the pit in our stomachs . We arrived at the funeral home where Uncle Tom and Grandma Great had just arrived , as well as Uncle Tim , Aunt Trisha , and Mommy B 's cousins Zach and Paige . The whole clan was there , minus the patriarch . It was the first time Mommy B or I had seen the rest of the family since Dean had passed away , and the tears certainly proved it . Uncle Tom was already wet - eyed and Mommy B began the waterworks when she hugged Grandma Great for the first time . After hugs all around , we went inside and prepared ourselves for the service - with Uncle Tim and Aunt Trisha hooking up a laptop that had a streaming collage of pictures of Dean . At the front of the room was a table that held a tri - folded American flag ( Dean was a former seaman in the Navy in the mid - 50 's ) as well as the urn that held Dean 's ashes . Surrounding the table was more vases of flowers than I could count , as well as two large poster boards that contained more pictures of the family - all staring Dean . After making small talk with the family , the first of the visitors began arriving to pay their respects . Little did I know what I was in for . . . My apologies for neglecting you , Followers . As most of you have probably learned by now , any time there is a big lag in between posts , it 's usually because lots of stuff is going on . Of course , that 's usually the case around here more often than not . As many of you know , I started a new job back in March with a small tech start - up here in Charleston called Good Done Great . I thought I had finally found " my place " in this budding tech town - I was brought on board to help build this company with my talent , skills and experience in project management . I was going to " get in early " and ride it all the way to the top . And with stock options waiting in the wings , it was only going to be a matter of time until my big payday arrived . Well , that dream fell disastrously short of everything I had hoped for . It was Thursday , June 4th . The following Tuesday , June 9th , Mommy B and I were scheduled to fly to Aruba for 5 days sans kids . We were going to meet our good friends from college there , sans their kids as well . I get on a video conference with my interim manager ( my direct manager who hired me quit a few weeks previous - which should have been a sign ) and I thought we were just going to discuss how my onboarding had gone and how I was ready to take on the new projects they said were going to close for months . Well , another screen popped up and it was the president of the company . I knew right away that this conversation was either going to be really good . . . or really bad . Unfortunately it was the latter . The president told me that the Sales team hadn 't been able to close the deals in the time frame they had anticipated when they hired me . This meant that there was no " new business " for me to be assigned to , which basically meant they were paying me to not do my job . He said that they could no longer justify keeping me on without having a client for me to bill my time towards . While I reassured them that I 'd been keeping busy documenting their processes ( which they didn 't have before I got there ) , I also asked if there was any other role there I could assume until the deals closed . They both said that unfortunately there just wasn 't the work coming down the pipe and there was nothing anyone could do to speed up the process . That afternoon was to be my last day at Good Done Great . In turn , they reassured me that this was not a reflection on my performance or anything personal , and that they would both act as references in my job search moving forward . I was to turn in my laptop by the end of the day and not to bother coming back in on Friday . I thanked them for the opportunity to work at such a " cool " place and wished them the best of luck in the future . I 've lived in this town long enough to know that there are just sometimes you have to take your lumps and keep your class , because making a scene or getting all upset would damage my reputation to the point that getting another job would be very difficult . So , I swallowed the lump in my throat , ignored the pit in my stomach and took the remaining hour of the day to collect my belongings and say my goodbyes to everyone . Needless to say , they were all stunned at the news . They had no idea that the company was in that bad of shape financially that they couldn 't afford to keep me on a little while longer until some deals came through . Well , come to find out , they let another person go the next day . . . so it sounds like they were hurting for our paychecks back all along . I don 't hold any resentment or ill will towards the company - I realize it 's a numbers game and often times the last one hired is the first one fired . All that being said , I certainly got my first lesson in joining tech start - ups - you never know what can happen ! I came home that night and told Mommy B the news . She actually was more upset about the situation than I was . After putting the kiddos to bed that night , we talked about what to do about our vacation the following week . I promised that I would send out as many applications as I could while we were still in town and given how slow people are to respond here in the South , we might as well skip town and enjoy ourselves . I figured that there would be little to no response that week anyway , and there was no point in me sitting around staring at the computer ( and my phone ) waiting for something to happen . Plus , I didn 't want to disappoint our friends who had been looking forward to this trip just as much ( if not more ) than we were . So we decided to hell with it , let 's go to Aruba and get drunk on the beach all day . I 'll try to post about that trip soon . But here I sit - out of work for over a month . The job search and application process has been nothing short of disheartening . I applied for unemployment the week we got back and just received my first check yesterday - so stupid . I 've sent out over 15 applications / resumes to various technology companies in town , and have barely gotten a sniff . Maybe my resume needs polishing , or maybe this town is so small that you really just need to know someone to get in . Personally I think it 's the latter . I just don 't understand how after reading the job description and requirements , you think it 's a great fit and send in your application , all you get is . . . crickets . Nothing . NO RESPONSE AT ALL . Don 't companies realize that by ignoring people completely , you end up really pissing them off ? And they forget how small a town it is too - their reputation is upheld by word - of - mouth opinions . There was one company I applied to and they reached out to me in less than 12 hours . . . so why do other companies take weeks or just never write back at all ? In the meantime , I 've been trying to take advantage of spending more time with the kids . It is summer time after all , so that just means more time at the pool ! Alli is taking private swim lessons ( thanks , Tatsy ! ) nearby , so she doesn 't wear any floaties any more . Aiden has gone a couple times , but I think next summer will really be his time to shine . We 've spent some time out on my parent 's boat and have been to the beach a couple times . Uncle Tom is coming to town tomorrow for the week , so that 'll be a great time for them to ditch daycare and hang out with he and I instead . The job front finally started looking less bleak this past week , as I finally got some nibbles for a couple applications . First interviews ( aka the idiot test ) are in the books , and I 'm looking to get some more scheduled next week . Stay tuned for more as the saga continues . |
Things started slowly this week and ended up more eventful than I expected . Monday I only went out around Burien to do a couple of things - I like the choice of going out or staying home a lot more than stuck at home . I also need to walk more to reduce inertia and liturgy as well as slowly build energy . Monday was a very quiet day . Tuesday I decided it was time to go on 518 where the accident happened . I went down to Southcenter going east on 518 , walked through several stores and just enjoyed being out on my own again . Then I needed to go home and although I wasn 't nervous or shaky about going back the way where I was hit , I asked God to give me everything I needed and I would just show up and get out of the way . So I don 't think I was uptight to stressed , mostly I wanted to do it and get it done - back on the horse , so to speak . Everything went well and I was fine , though looked in the mirror a lot to be sure about traffic behind me as well as in front of me . I arrived home safely and relieved to have jumped over a small hurdle . Wednesday ended up being one of those busy days . I went to Breakfast Club for the first time since the accident - they were pleased to see me and I was happy to be there . It only felt a tiny bit odd after 3 months , but I figure it will be familiar again by next week . Our numbers are a bit sparse lately , not sure if people are busy with business or something else . I know one is out for surgery and chemo for a while , a new member has been home because his wife had surgery . I haven 't met him yet . Afterwards I went to south center again , picked up a couple of things on sale I had seen the day before . I checked out a couple of other places and then it was time to go home . My feet and legs were shouting at me and I paid attention . Eddie and I were meeting back here at 1 because it was doctor afternoon . First stop was the dermatologist - I have been putting off having a couple of spots on my face seen to - way too long . I remember the last time I had biopsy done in earlier years and it was a very unpleasant experience I didn 't want to repeat . But Eddie and my rheumatologist decided it was time . So I had a full body exam and she found 3 places she wanted to biopsy - the 2 on my face and one on the back of calf I had no idea about because I couldn 't see it . Eddie decided he didn 't want to be in the room while they were done - no big surprise . It was a good thing because I really came apart jut having the anesthetic injected - crying and upset . I 'm not usually like that , though I will protest when it hurts , I think something else emotional was going on as well . So she took the biopsy and the one on my calf needed stitches . I will have to admit I didn 't feel the actual biopsy , but I was so glad it was over . She also froze several spots on my face and arm . I looked as if I had been in bar fight . I was given instructions on how to care for them and I will see her in 2 weeks to remove the stitches and find out the results of the biopsy . Then we went to see my rheumatologist - she wasn 't there but I saw Jennifer , she was Dr . Sheets nurse so I am glad to see her every once in a while . Then to Infusion for my Orencia . It was also the evening of the Museum of Flight Volunteer dinner that started at 6 . We finished everything about 5 , definitely traffic time . If we had gone , we would have been late . However , I just wanted to put on my jammies and crawl into bed . Eddie has been dealing with cold or flu , we really don 't know what it is but he is feeling ratty . He didn 't want to give it to the people at the dinner , we opted to go home , have a light dinner and relax . Whatever he has , I want no part of it , so I have been taking Vitamin C and my Chinese herb capsules . So far so good . Thursday evening we cleared things out and found Mom 's bed - we put clean sheets on it so Eddie could sleep there and not give me his stuff . Does seem strange to be alone in bed , I have bunny to keep me company . although I am tired at night , I haven 't been sleeping very well , not sure what is going on . Friday was the end of Eddie 's first week working at Andy 's . He has found there is not really any organization - just the kind of challenge he likes . He has been enjoying himself , thought the " stuff " has made him uncomfortable and he felt so ratty that he was home early . We were both tired and decided soup was a great idea . A cup of tea in the evening really hit the spot for both of us . Saturday we just went to PFI for cheese , olives , and halva ; then over to Uwajamaya for fruits and veg . It was a cold , raw day , so we did our errands quickly and came home . I took a nap and Eddie did the laundry - then I folded it when I got up . Today is cold and wet , we have been inside all day - should help Eddie get over the " stuff " . As for me , so far , so good . Which reminds me , I need to have my capsules and Vitamin C now . It has been a long 3 months - feels a lot longer at times . I saw my surgeon yesterday afternoon and he cleared me to drive finally . I have to admit I feel more ready for it than I did 3 weeks ago when the sling came off . So this morning I went out for my first drive , I went rather slowly and took the back road into Burien . It felt good , not too strange , but since my upper arm muscles are still stiff , I can 't turn to the left very well . I am going to start focused physical therapy to stretch things out as much as I can . For some reason I was a bit hesitant to go out , putting it off a bit - yet it is what I have been waiting for all this time . The surgeon said my bone would be completely healed in the next 2 or 3 weeks . Then I need to decide whether I want to do the surgery or not . The thought of being laid up for another 3 months , maybe more and be without meds for 2 months doesn 't really appeal to me . He suggested I talk with my rheumatologist about it will take about meds - maybe she has something that can help me over the difficult period . I will also talk to my primary care doc , he too has the opinion my rheumatologist has - they both are concerned because I am at greater risk for the surgery . I plan to take it easy the rest of this week and just practice feeling more comfortable driving . I will go to Breakfast Club next Wednesday , seemed a little too soon this morning . I am not sure if I will go to my chiropractor Monday or see if she has an appointment on Wednesday after Breakfast Club . I keep thinking of all the things I want to do now that I can drive . I am finally going to have a haircut Friday - only 14 weeks overdue . Eddie has the day off so we are going to the dealership to pick up my license plates and the accessories Eddie ordered . He wants to put a personal plate on it . This is a mixed up week . Tomorrow is Eddie 's last day at the Future of Flight , starts with Andy on Monday . He took a half day off yesterday to take me to the surgeon , this afternoon he had an eye doctor appointment and I drove us home . I am not sure what day it is any more or what I need to do . I have been feeling that way since the accident , it 's hard to remember how normal or regular feels . I 'm beginning to think it is now a new way of being , I just haven 't got the memo with the specifics . Time has gotten away from me , I planned to finish this Wednesday after we came home from the doc . Eddie 's in good shape , though he too is developing cataracts . It 's not critical , but the doc said to let him know when he can 't see very well . No doubt he will tell me the same thing when I go in around the first of the year . Getting old definitely isn 't for sissies ! For the rest of Wednesday Eddie couldn 't read or see much tv , may explain why he went to bed so early . Thursday was Eddie 's last day at the Future of Flight , so they gave him a party in the morning . He went at his usual time , finished things up and turned in his keys . He was pleased to see how many people came to say goodbye - he has made a lot of cool friends there and they will miss him . Before he left , he was up on the Stratodeck when the Dreamlifter took off - there were quite a few people and they asked all kinds of questions . He spent about an hour there , then came home . No more getting up at 4 a . m . or fighting traffic coming home . I thought I was going to have coffee with Patti , but I didn 't hear from her . What a difference to have the choice to go out or stay home ! I ended up staying home and doing a few things , plus I wanted to be here when Eddie came home . Amazing how little i felt trapped now that I can drive again . I need to call about physical therapy this week and see how much I can stretch my muscles . Friday felt like a red - letter day - after being 16 weeks overdue and feeling shaggy and raggedy , I had my hair cut . I drove down the hill , glad to see Michelle and now my hair is quite short - feels so good after trimming places myself and keeping ends from sticking out . Now another piece of the puzzle that makes me feel more my regular self . Then we went over to the dealership to pick up my license plates - I 'm official now . However , Eddie wants to put personal plates on - MY BBJ . We 'll have to do those separately . He had ordered a chrome tip for my exhaust pipe , also mudflats . They put the plates on and the tip , but when we change oil for the first time , we can have the mudflats done . On the way home we stopped for some groceries , we didn 't want to stay too long in Ballard because it was Friday afternoon and traffic would be building up . We timed it very well . It 's been raining since late yesterday afternoon , Eddie is at the Museum of Flight and we have decided to go to the Armenian Church in Redmond next Sunday . We had planned to do that in July , but I broke my arm and it wasn 't possible to go . As I look forward to this coming week , I suddenly realize , I don 't know what I will or need to do - it 's been so long I have forgotten . I figure it will come back to me without any trouble - though it feels as if my life has changed and I haven 't quite recognized how yet . Today , October 8th , 2014 was a Wednesday and as I was about to start getting ready for Breakfast Club , the phone rang . It was Judy from the adult family home where Mom was living - she called to tell us Mom had died in her sleep about 4 : 50 a . m . I realized that was less than half an hour ago . It upset me but also it was relief for all of us , especially for Mom . She didn 't want to be here as the dementia began its course and she often asked why she couldn 't just go . Sometimes I think she was afraid , not sure whether it was true Dad was waiting for her . A relief for her that she was no longer afraid , confused and stressed . Even though she was at the point where she slept a lot and didn 't necessarily know who I was , it was a sad and happy time . I went to Breakfast Club that morning because I didn 't want to be alone - my friends there were so caring and loving when I told them . The pictures on the left were taken in 1937 - I think it was about the time she was at Pratt Institute . The larger one is of her when she went to dance . The picture on the right was taken in 2008 when my sister Candy had a book signing here in Seattle . The background is supposed to be lavender , one of Mom 's favorite colors . I liked the touches of pink because she loved pink as well . I decided to have a bit of green because she had a wonderful way with plants - wish I had inherited her green thumb . I remember as we were growing up hearing stories of her childhood and her relatives - The seven Smith sisters and their young brother Charlie . They put the " fun " in dysfunctional . Her brother Don used to drive them to places and he needed a scorecard token track of who wasn 't speaking to home , who was talking to whom . He used to tell stories about them - I began to call them the Awesome Seven . There was Aunt Bertha , Katie , Victoria , Amelia and Tillie - I can 't remember the other 2 . Aunt Amelia and Aunt Tillie were the most interesting . Aunt Amelia worn long , baggy and drab sweater and dress from the missionary box . Don said he always thought the uncles ' first names were Poor . Aunt Amelia was married to Poor Allie - Allen - who worked as a night watchmen at Brown Thompson , a well know department store . He dies before her and she lived a few years after . When she died , the family went to clean out the house and found a lot of Brown Thompson boxes filled with lovely new clothes - with price tags . Now no one is sure if Poor Allie " liberated them from the store or just what the story was ; but Aunt Amelia never wore the clothes . Aunt Tillie was the pot stirrer , so the family was glad when she and Poor George moved to Meriden . Poor George worked for International Silver and on summer evening he was a night watchmen in the park . It gave him a great opportunity to enjoy looking at the ladies . I suspect Aunt Till was not the easiest person to live with , she was a bit peculiar . When Poor George died , she moved back to Glastonbury near the family and stirred the pot most of the time . She had Poor George buried in Glastonbury and she arranged for a bench to be put by his grave . Every day she would go down to his grave and cry . She was living on the second floor of a two family hose , when she died she wanted to be put in her coffin there and then brought down . Mom 's brothers had to hoist the coffin up the outside and into the window . While they were having a service there , Uncle Howard jack knifed in the chair - took a while to rescue him . Then they decided to take the coffin down the stairs - unfortunately Mom 's brothers had a problem and Tillie went down the stairs end over end . We grew up hearing about the aunts , mostly Aunt Marion , Aunt Dot and Aunt Marge . They were her father 's sisters , though Aunt Marge was an aunt by marriage . But I always think of them as a trio . When Mom 's parents went away , the kids stayed with Aunt Dot and Uncle Howard ; they had no children and they enjoyed looking after Mom and her brothers , later her much younger sister . Aunt Marion was the only one who supported Mom when she went out to California right after Pearl Harbor to marry Dad . Mom came from a big family , with grandparents , aunts , uncles , cousins , etc . in town . I have always wondered what it was like to grown up that way , though it was lonely for Mom for quite a while . During the war she made a trip up to Glastonbury to show her family Ellen - the first grand child . Around 1964 or 65 she went back for her Dad 's funeral - she was a little embraced to say she had a wonderful time . When she came home , she started rug hooking and volunteering for Traveler 's Aid at the airport . In 1970 Mom and Dad started a custom wood business for sailboats - Dad had been told he wouldn 't have a job in 1971 and he retired to the business . By then , all of us girls had left home , so they were too busy to experience the empty nest syndrome . They ran the business until 2000 together and when Dad died , Mom continued to run the business for 4 or 5 years . She was in her 80 's by that time and she decided she didn 't want to be a captain of industry any more . She continued to volunteer at Traveller 's Aid until it was decided to discontinue it - some bright spark at the Port had some ideas of her own and wanted to build her own empire . So Traveller 's Aid was thrown out . Really bugged Mom , but she started volunteering at the Senior Center Thrift shop . She enjoyed it a lot and really liked the women there . There was a burst pipe and rather than fix it , the city decided to close the shop . Seems someone had their eye on the property . These ladies were not about to be kept down ; they decided to come here on Mondays to play Mexican Dominos together . Mom really enjoyed having them here and they didn 't lose touch . They stopped coming shortly before Mom moved to the adult family home . Mom was a member of the 1918 Club for quite a few years . Unfortunately they began to pass away and Mabel in particular was a great friend . I think Mom missed her a lot after Mabel died . All this time Mom was rug hooking , making friends and began to teach rug hooking here . After a while , she told she really didn 't want to teach , she just wanted someone to play with . So they came every Thursday - they needed to come here and Mom needed them to be here . It was difficult for her to give up hooking , but her hands and neck were bothering and she couldn 't see any more because of macular degeneration . I think that robbed her of a lot of thins she loved to do - hooking , reading , gardening - she wasn 't unhappy to give up driving because she always hated to drive . Dad tells the story that in 1942 or 1943 she had to learn to drive very quickly . Her brother Don helped her buy a car in Connecticut and drove with her to , I think , New Bern , NC . Dad was going out of town on business and she would be left with Ellen by herself . I think Dad taught her to drive and when they went down to the Motor Vehicle Department , the guy asked Dad if she could drive . He of course said yes and the guy told Mom " Lady , if your husband thinks you can drive - here 's your license " . When Dad had to leave , they drove to the train station , he left and Mom had to drive home with baby Ellen . Unfortunately she got stuck in the middle of a parade - not conducive to feeling comfortable driving . In some ways it seems a long time , other times it only happened a little while ago . A lot of things have happened since my Mom died last year on October 8th , 2014 . I scattered Mom and Dad 's ashes on January 16th , 2015 into the Sound from a ferry - she wanted her ashes combined with Dad 's and I was able to do that for her . In June I did a Celebration of Life Open House for her and was pleased to see so many people there who knew Mom and Dad , plus special friends of ours . It was the last thing I did for her , except to remember her and all she gave me and my sisters as our Mom . I know she was definitely ready to go on the next journey , she missed Dad and Josephine the cat so much . I had talked to people who communicate with spirits and they told me Dad and Josephine were waiting for her , there would be a big party to welcome her . The animal communicator told me Josephine loved them both - she was definitely their cat . She also said Josephine was waiting for Mom so she can sit in her lap - how true that was in life . Some would say it is just woo woo , hocus pocus , goofball , airy fairy nonsense ; I don 't agree . An intuitive told me that Mom kept us at arm 's length because she thought that was how she was supposed to do it - in some things , that explained a lot for me . I was upset about seeing her descend slowly into dementia , it was difficult to deal with her and it hurt to lose my Mom and wonder who this woman was who took her place . I finally realized Mom was teaching me and giving me gifts in the process - it has taken awhile because I was in the middle of all of it . I took a 6 week grief support class and that helped , I find myself getting teary eyed as I write this - I am not sure where I am in my grief or what works for me . I know there were many times I wanted to run away and not have to deal with all the changes and what was happening to her . But there wasn 't anyone else to help , just Eddie and I . People told me I would regret not being there for her and I now realize they were right . There were times when I didn 't want to visit her twice a week , but I didn 't want her to ever think she had been abandoned , so I went . I mostly read to her towards the end ; mostly I put her to sleep . I brought chocolate each time until she was at a point she couldn 't eat it . Eddie and I cleaned the house - still a lot of things left - and made sure the furniture went to good homes . We painted the living room and then brought up our furniture to make it finally our home . We still have a lot of work to do , but the living room and kitchen makeovers have made an amazing difference . I wanted it to be done for the Celebration of Life and it was . Then as I was resting from all of that and getting ready to continue cleaning out , I was rear ended , my car was totaled and my arm was broken in 2 places . The surgeon has said the humerus is healed after 8 weeks , just be careful and do the exercises he gave me . I need to be able to drive to have the focused physical therapy to help get me back to as close to normal as possible . The past 5 years have really helped me grow and mature - I have the confidence I can handle whatever situation comes up , I have a support team and people I can count on for help and information . I thought I had to do it all myself , it scared me because I had no idea what to do in any given situation . I 've felt like a scared little kid for most of my life , it made me feel powerless and helpless . Now I know I am an adult and I know I can handle it , and / or ask for help . It 's so lovely not to have the sling on , restricting my movements . I am slowly feeling a little more my regular self each day , though stretching my muscles to be able to drive again is not a comfortable activity . I have simple exercises to do , some are not all that easy . I do a few at a time each day and now after a week , I 'm not sure which is stiffness from the sling and which is from stretching . I can see a little progress from last week , I just want to have it all stretched out right now . Too impatient - where is the patience I have learned from RA ? I find I can sleep on both sides at night , though the left side is a bit uncomfortable . It feels as if there is a heavy weight on it , the right side is fine . I still also sleep a bit reclines as well - it 's just so good to have other options at last . Things have been in a bit of an upheaval at the Future of Flight - Eddie submitted his resignation on Monday . He is going to be working with our financial advisor in Bellevue learning the basics of financial planning but won 't be selling . He will be running the office and doing meetings and events - I suspect there will be a lot of other things they will create as well . We have worked with Andy for several years , he has handled our investments and Roth IRAs doing a really good job . The focus of the Future of Flight has changed a lot - it is now more education than commercial aviation . It is the commercial aviation that drew Eddie there and he loved it . But the fun has gone out of it and the atmosphere is very difficult now , it is time to close the book on it . He is working with PNAA - they work with suppliers and manufacturers in aviation - they are a great group to be with and he enjoys working with all of them . I called my friend Melanie Hope in Las Vegas this afternoon - she sent me an email to see how I am doing . I so enjoyed talking with her , once again I realized how much I miss seeing her at Breakfast Club . We would laugh , joke , talk and everything in between - it is so satisfying to have someone who " gets " me . I will admit we didn 't do a lot of laughing during this conversation - we both have been through some very difficult times and it helps to tell her things I haven 't sad to anyone else . I know it will never go farther than the two of us . I felt so much better after our conversation - she is such an amazing , loving woman . I so glad we are such good friends , the kind who may talk for months and then pick up right where we left off from the last time . I hope she felt the same . Hmmm , this is going into another day . I had an email and photo from my sister Ellen ; they have buttoned up the hatches and are prepared for Hurricane Joaquin coming up the East Coast . Ocean Grove seems to get off fairly lightly in storms , so I pray the worst that happens is they just lose their electricity . She wrote it is supposed to continue through Tuesday . The hurricane is going out to sea , but close enough to send a lot of rain and wind along the eastern seaboard . Now our Fall weather has become cloudy and foggy - less bright and cheerful than it was yesterday . The prediction is for rain - we 've heard that before and nothing really came of it . It is just wait and see , dress for what it is at the moment and be prepared to bring a sweater of jacket " just in case " . |
Yesterday we got a new car at our house . This is huge for us . We usually keep our cars until we have no choice but to replace them . Our minivan had given us every ounce of life it had to give and could give no more . We got our van when Colin was Colin was nine months old . I had a Pontiac Grand Am that was two doors and it was not practical when I was trying to get a car seat in and out of the back seat . Much like I was when we got Max , I HAD TO HAVE A VAN . I was a mom and all self - respecting moms drove mini - vans . This was suburban America and I had to keep up with all my friends . I hated that van from the second I drove off the lot . As I was making the turn something hit my hand . It was the clip that held the sun visor in place . I actually had to turn around and go back to ask for them to fix it . Over the 10 . 5 years we had it I replaced more things than I can even remember . We bled money for that van . To make a very long rant short , the van was the bane of my existence . Yesterday we replaced the van with the new rage in mommy transportation , the crossover SUV . It is the smaller , sleeker version of the van . We got the Honda CR - V . It is zippy with a great turning radius . No longer will I have to back up three or four times to get into a parking space . It has a functioning air conditioner and heater , and tires that have traction . IT HAS RADIO CONTROLS ON THE STEERING WHEEL . Such luxuries are unprecedented in our house . We drove off the lot yesterday and didn 't even look back at the old van . We were giggling at our good fortune to be rid of the anchor around our neck . I pray that this car will give me confidence in my transportation again , something I have not had in a really long time . I remember when I was young listening to my parents talk about the good old days . I would laugh when my mom would tell me that she had to share a phone line with her neighbors and they didn 't have a car until she was in high school . The other day I was driving with the boys when Colin asked me what my favorite video game was when I was his age . I was trying to explain to him that there weren 't video games when I was his age . I am glad that he had his seat belt on because I am sure he would have fallen out of his chair . One thing led to another and we started to talk about the other things we didn 't have that we take for granted now . I was really shocked at all the things that have changed our lives . The biggest change is of course , the computer . I remember our first computer was a Radio Shack TDK - 64 . We were all that and a bag of chips because we had one . It used cassette tapes as the memory system . It didn 't really do anything but make some simple pictures , but it was soooooo cool . There were no cell phones or answering machines . If you were waiting for someone to call you just waited . There was no such thing as a fax machine or e - mail . We were one step above the Pony express . Another thing is the microwave . Colin wanted to know how I cooked without it . I am not sure if I should take that as a commentary on my culinary skills or not . Really , I don 't use it for everything . He wanted to know how we made popcorn . I tried to explain what an air popper was to no avail . He was also horrified to know that we did not have any way to view a movie unless we went to the theatre . The concept of no VCR or DVD player was not to be imagined . Then I told him that we only had four channels , and Disney was not one of them . I am pretty sure I heard a gasp . Toys were not electronic , and Nintendo was not a company . We played with actual Barbies , not virtual ones . We had a Fischer Price little people village that we played with all the time . We actually played outside all day without my mom orchestrating the activities . Sometimes we even played in the mud . Our cars did not come with air conditioning , automatic locks or windows . We rolled the windows down with a hand crank and drove to create a breeze . The drivers door would be unlocked and my mom would send one of us in to open the rest of the doors . The radio in the car had an actual dial and you would have to play with it to get a station to come in clearly . If you went on a long trip you could read a book for entertainment . This made for two really long trips to Florida . I can only imagine the conversation that Colin will have with his kids . The technology changes are coming at an amazing rate . The advancements in medicine boggle the mind . I would love to be a fly on the wall of the car or whatever mode of transportation is being used in the next 30 years to see what he has to say and how his kids react with horror . Life is good and apparently it is getting better every day . When Colin was a baby I was working full time . I was supposed to be able to work from home but at the last minute my company changed their mind . I was lucky enough to get one of my friends from college to babysit him and I will always consider her to be my first guardian angel . She was a very talented woman and ended up getting a job in her chosen profession . I was so happy for her but so sad for us . I started my quest to find someone that would take care of my baby . I asked everyone I knew if they had someone that they would trust with their kids . I asked strangers in the grocery store that looked like they had happy children . I called churches to see if they had any recommendations . I tried several people that were highly thought of , but with some of them we just walked back out . We kept hearing of the same woman but time after time we were told she no longer watched children . I was running out of time and options . One night out of the blue we got a phone call from Tricia . She told us that several people had told her about our family and since it happened more than once she felt like she should meet us . When Dave and I walked into her house it felt like home . Her two kids that were home got on the ground and played with Colin . When Tricia picked him up the first time she got him to give us a full belly laugh . Her husband was an easygoing guy that liked to laugh . I was instantly comfortable and was confident we had found our sitter . Little did I know at the time that I had also found a life long friend . Over the last ten years we have been adopted by this family . They have been our security blanket and love our kids like they are their own . We have watched their kids grow from children into productive members of society . Adam is graduating from college next month and is due to marry his long - time love . Amanda is currently serving in the army overseas and is growing up in ways she shouldn 't have to . She is married and has a beautiful stepdaughter . She has grown from a gawky preteen to a beautiful woman . Travis has given his parents a run for their money . He has always been headstrong and sure of himself . There is only one way to do something and it is his way , mostly it was a way we did not approve of . He has done everything the hard way and has come out the other side as a handsome , respectful man . I am very proud of him and am quite sure he will be the one to make a name for himself . Finally there is Miranda . She was ten when we first met her . She will always hold a special place in my heart . She can and will do anything that she sets her mind to do and she is strong in both body and spirit . She loves to be in love and she is beautiful both inside and out . I thank God for this family as there is no doubt in my mind that he led us to their door . They have saved me in ways they can 't even begin to imagine . They have seen me at my best and my worst and still welcome me in . I have cried at the kitchen table and shared untold joy there too . I have teased Tricia that she is the keeper of the strays , and I consider myself fortunate that she kept us too . Posted by This week Ryan had croup . He came into our room at 2 : 30 in the morning and coughed right in my face . I often wonder why the kids never do this to Dave . My side of the bed is on the opposite side of the room from the door . They have to navigate a very small walkway to reach me whereas they would have to take about four steps to reach Dave . He is much more sympathetic in the middle of the night than I am and is more likely to help them than me . Yet every time they come to me . Often times they come to me to tell me they have to throw up . I can 't tell you how many times I have caught vomit in my hands . Did I mention that I am on the opposite side of the bathroom as well ? As soon as Ryan came in , the problem was obvious . There is no mistaking the barking cough that accompanies croup , or the stuffy head that requires me to sleep sitting up in the recliner . I know that I should say it is my privilege and pleasure to do this for my child . I really wish I could . The truth is that I could be part cat . I love to sleep . I especially love to sleep IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT ! I did take Ryan to the doctor the next day to have my suspicions confirmed . The treatment for croup is a liquid steroid that will keep the inflammation down so he can breathe . The bad thing about this is that it makes him extremely agitated and aggressive . Ordinarily I have very little patience for this but having just finished a steroid myself for an inflamed hip , I could totally relate to what he was feeling . I had wanted to crawl out of my skin and attack anyone that I think may have wanted to look at me sideways . When you are done at the doctor 's office they let you get a sticker . Ryan was really having a hard time picking between two of them , one from Cars , and the other one was a sticker that could be assembled into a car . I was trying to be the mom that would do the right thing and have him take only one . I was feeling quite superior that he chose the one that required assembly and we started to walk out . As we were walking out of the office Ryan had a change of heart and wanted the other one . I quickly whisked him out to the car where he proceeded to have a complete and total meltdown . I just felt horrible . I knew he didn 't feel good , hadn 't had very much sleep and was going to be quickly headed down the steroid path to sure behavior issues . I should have just let him have both stickers . I am not sure what I was thinking . It was a free sticker that would have made him happy . I am sure the doctor wouldn 't have cared . He probably gets them free . Ryan knew we had to go to Target to get a few things and used this to his advantage . His favorite restaurant is next to Target . He asked in his quivering voice to go to Panera for lunch . If only he could have some chicken noodle soup he knew he would certainly start to feel better . While we were in Target he asked if he could have just a small toy . Nothing big , just something that costs a dollar . Ordinarily I would have just said no , especially since I had just gone through his toys and gotten rid of the true junk so I was reluctant to get him something . SomNext time we go to the doctor I am going to let Ryan have as many stickers as he wants . That one sticker ended up costing me $ 4 . 99 . For as much as I pay that doctor the least he could do is let us have the whole basket of them , but not the Dora ones , they are for girls . Posted by I have ten nieces and nephews . They mean the world to me , and might as well be my own kids in the way I feel about them . My 14 year old nephew has been reading my blog and has informed me that while he thinks it is okay , it needs an element of danger . This one is for you , Andrew ! I am not an adrenaline junkie by any stretch of the imagination . One of my major goals in life is to avoid the emergency room at all costs . Typically the most dangerous thing I do is cooking and I have actually required stitches in the same thumb twice . The two most dangerous things I have ever done were on my honeymoon . We went to Jamaica for our honeymoon . My sister had warned against doing this as she had a bad experience on her honeymoon , but at that stage I would never listen to her . We went to a Sandals Resort in Montego Bay . One of the activities we did was to climb up Dunn 's River Falls . It goes against every law of nature and physics to walk UP a waterfall . First they made you wear special water shoes . I should have turned back then . I was forced to put my bare feet in wet , clammy shoes that had been worn by God knows how many people before me . Bowling shoes make me shiver , these almost made me gag . If we had not spent a ton of money on this there would be no way I would have done this . Second , the rocks you had to walk across were really slippery and kind of sharp . One of the ways they combated this was to have you hold the hand of the person ahead of you and behind you . Dave , being the consummate gentleman that he always is , let me go first . Either way I had to hold a stranger 's hand , and as it has been documented many times before , I am a germaphobe . We are in what amounts to be a third world country and from the looks of the people wandering around , hygiene was not top on some of these people 's lists . I have barely made it past the whole shoe thing and now I had to hold hands with a stranger all the way UP a waterfall . I am readying myself to do this , wondering how the brochure made this sound so fun when I was wearing pre - used water shoes , sweating in the hot Jamaican sun , holding strangers hands while climbing up slippery and sharp rocks . I couldn 't believe we had paid so much money to do this , and I couldn 't really complain because I was the one that had suggested this activity . I go to reach up to hold this guy 's hand only to realize that he only has ONE ARM . I kid you not , he only had one arm , and the other one , the one I was supposed to hold stopped at his elbow . What is a girl to do ? I was kind of wondering if God was smiling on me or laughing at me . After making it to the top it was really fun and amazingly beautiful . I am glad we did it , but I am sure that I will never go to Jamaica again . I am equally sure that I would have rather been reading a book by the side of the pool or on the beach drinking one of the delicious orange flavored vodka drinks at one of the many bars at our resort . I learned two things about myself that day . If something weird is going to happen , it will happen to me . The second thing is that I don 't care where I am in the world . If there is the opportunity to sit and read a book in a peaceful setting , or the option to do something outside in either hot or cold temperatures , the book will always win . Dear younger self , Relax , take a deep breath . You have an amazing future ahead of you . It is full of love and family and a wonderful husband and amazing kids . That is not to say that it is going to be easy , and I would recommend that you call NOW to get anti - anxiety medication . There is truth in the old axiom that you should take one day at a time and it will all work out . Nothing is insurmountable when broken down into small increments . Never say never . Life will throw you curve balls . And while I will tell you that you need to stay strong in your convictions and morals , what you see is not always what you get , and you will have to make some very difficult decisions in life . The person you choose to marry will be the most important person in your life . They call your spouse your " other half . " The reason is that nobody on earth will have more power to make you happy , break your heart , share in your joy and your pain . They will make or break you financially , and they will share equally in decisions to have children or buy a house . Ultimately you are in charge of your own happiness . Nobody is responsible for that but you . They might have influence , but they are not in charge . Surround yourself with people that are generous in spirit . Do not let people take advantage of you . You have a generous spirit and people will see that and latch on like leeches . Learn how to tell when that is happening early . Cut them off before they suck you dry . Most of all , take some time to take care of you . When they are telling you what to do in case of an emergency on a plane , they always tell you to put your own mask first before assisting others . You cannot help someone if you are passed out , just like you cannot take care of someone else if you are empty inside . You need to find a hobby that makes you happy and find a way to incorporate this into your everyday life . Lastly , take care of yourself physically . You only get one body so treat it right . Keep active as God made your body to move , not sit in front of a computer or TV allKate Today is Colin 's eleventh birthday . I can 't believe he is 11 , and I can 't believe I am old enough to have a child that old . Of course , having a baby will change your life , but believing and understanding that I was having a baby was a process . I remember finding out I was pregnant . I was at my sister 's house sleeping on a pull out bed in her living room . I woke up at 4 : 00 in the morning and decided that I would go ahead a take the test . Before I could even blink the stick turned blue . I went and told Dave and then we sat straight up on the bed waiting for someone else to wake up so we could share our shock . I remember thinking that the Train Had Left The Station , and there was no going back now . I remember the first time I heard his heartbeat . " I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You " by Savage Garden was playing on the radio . Hearing the heartbeat made it seem real in my heart that I was having a baby , but in my head it was still a blob . I couldn 't see him yet as I wasn 't showing , I had no unusual symptoms like morning sickness or weird cravings , all I really had to prove that I was pregnant was a blue stick . Hearing the heartbeat made me start thinking that this was for real . Before I went for my ultrasound my sister told me that I should be prepared to be surprised at what I saw , but I didn 't really give it a lot of thought . Then the technician put the wand on my stomach . There he was , waving his little hand at us . I could see the chambers in his heart , his skull , and all of his fingers and toes . We could see his face . It was at that moment that my life changed forever . At that moment I knew I was a MOM . No matter what happened from here I was never going to look at the world the same . He was real to me . On February 7th , he came into the world . All 23 inches of him . In what has proved to be true for the rest of his life he took his own sweet time . Fourteen hours of time . My worst fear was realized when my first sign of labor was my water breaking . Luckily I was at home and did not have to move for a fresh start . IPosted by When I was in college my sister hired me to be a temporary secretary at the place she worked . Because I was going to be at the front desk , I was going to be the face of the company and I really wanted to make Ann proud . I needed to be professionally dressed so I went to the store and picked out a pair of panty hose . This is where my near demise began . Lets just say there is a difference between regular panty hose and active support panty hose . I had picked up the first pair that was the color and size I needed without looking at the rest of the box . BIG MISTAKE . The first day I was there I wore them , and I thought they were tighter than the ones I usually got , but I really didn 't give it much thought . The second day I wore pants so there was no need for the hose . The third day is when it all started to go horribly wrong . I wore another dress . When I pulled the panty hose on , they felt strangely tighter than they had the first day I wore them . I had rinsed them out but had never had hose shrink to that extent before and was sure they would stretch back out . I went with my sister to work and started my day . By about 9 : 00 my feet started to hurt . By 10 : 00 I was getting an upset stomach , and by 11 : 30 I started to get light headed and went to Ann 's office to tell her I was sick . She asked me what was wrong and I tried to explain my symptoms . She decided that I needed to eat . We went to lunch but the problem seemed to get worse instead of better . I was starting to think there was something really wrong with me . Ann suggested that I lay down in her car for a little while to see if I just needed to put my head down . I managed to drag myself back in and finish the day , sure that I was having some sort of medical crisis . We went back to Ann 's apartment where I was staying for the week and I changed my clothes . Immediately I felt better . It was as if I was able to take a deep breath for the first time all day , and life was seeping back into me . It was later that evening that I found the container and saw they were active support . I went out and asked Ann what active support meant . It turns out that they are pressure stocking for people that have circulation problems or clots in their legs . I am now unable to wear anything tight on my stomach , and if it feels the least bit tight I start to get a panic attack . I was so happy when it became socially acceptable to have bare Kate Almost two years ago my neighbor was trying to find a home for her mother 's Golden Doodle . I told her that we would take him and then I went inside and told Dave . He was fine with it and we told Colin that we were getting a dog . He was so excited . It was after we told Colin that my neighbor told us the dog was 85 pounds . I have never had a dog . Dave had dogs the whole time he was growing up , but they were his mom 's dogs and he never really took care of them . I did not know there was a difference . I am just going to say that ignorance is bliss because I would not have a dog if I knew all that was involved . Needless to say we did not end up getting the Golden Doodle . I knew that was more than I could handle . However , we had already told Colin that he was getting a dog . I told him that we would go on Petfinder and find something that was under 20 pounds , hypoallergenic and needed a forever home . In my head I thought that we would never be able to find that combination . The very first time we went on Petfinder we found a Bichon Frise that was in the pound about 45 minutes away . I called and put our name on the waiting list and forgot about it . We were the ninth family on the list so I didn 't tell the kids because I didn 't want any disapointment if we didn 't get him . On the day they were supposed to call I remembered and mentioned it to Dave just in case we got the call . As I was getting ready to go to a doctor 's appointment they called me and said that he was mine if I wanted him . They were going to keep calling people and whoever got there first was going to get him . I decided that I would go to my appointment and then I would call to see if he was still there . When I called he was still there so I called my Partner in Crime Tricia to see if she would go with me . We drove 45 minutes and got to the pound to find that he was still there . I fell in love . He was the only dog that wasn 't barking , and he looked at me with his big brown eyes . We made the arrangements to get him " his procedure " , paid and got out of there . APosted by I don 't deny that the older I get the worse my idiosyncrasies get . I still won 't eat ketchup or mustard . Mayonnaise ? Forget about it . . . . Colin , my 14 year old son , does not like the Olympics . How is this possible ? Some of my fondest memories revolve around the Olympics . Th . . . I think it goes without saying that I have never said , nor will I ever say that I am a perfect parent . I am far from it . I consider it a s . . . |
It was delicious . The best thing I had ever tasted . What had I done to deserve this amazing food . It was like a dream , not believable . The taste , I can 't describe it ; it 's the perfect mixture of yogurt ketchup and pickles . I know it sounds gross , but it is amazing . Yesterday , though , I definitely did not think that . Let me start at the beginning . My little sister , Chelsea , has always woken up an extra 30 minutes early to make her , what she declares , " smiley smoothie . " What a creative name , right ? More like smelly smoothie , if you ask me . That thing is beyond stinky . Every day , when I sit next to her at the table at breakfast , that cup is reeking . I can barely stand it . One day , I criticized her drink . I have done this many times , and after , she just cries away to our mom , spilling her drink everywhere . This day she didn 't cry , or run away . I knew for sure I was going to win . Even though I don 't play soccer , I 'm sure I 'll be fine . Chelsea only plays defense and has very bad aim . I texted Chelsea to ask when we were going to start . She replied : In ten minutes . I was all ready : I had my leggings , Puma shirt , my favorite red Nikes , and my lucky underwear on . I was set . I made my way to the backyard , where we have our soccer net . Chelsea was already there . In front of her were two soccer balls . She told me to go first , so I did . I backed up a couple steps , and I ran towards the ball . A swing and miss , not only did I not hit the crossbar , but my ball didn 't even lift off the ground . Next , it was Chelsea 's turn . She couldn 't make it on the first try , that 's not possible for Chelsea . She set up the ball step by step like she could demonstrate the process . She took about three steps back , and then one to the right since she was a lefty kicker . At first she tip - toed and then took a couple long strides , and then WABAM ! The ball went up and up and hit the crossbar right dead center . It felt like slow motion , where the ball hit the crossbar , and right then I fell to the ground in disappointment . Now I had no decision . I had to eat that stupid smoothie , whether I liked it or not . It turned out Chelsea had been practicing her crossbars for a while . I really have to pay more attention to what she 's doing so I won 't fall into a trap like this one again . My sister can be a little devil , but because of her , now I have my new favorite food : The Smiley Smoothie . I eventually flew away because the people did not care a bit that I was there . They were beyond rude . Perhaps I should have explained that I was a Blue Jay and declared that I needed the people to give me some food because I was starving . The one thing I love about being a bird is that you get to see everything , like - oh , a piece of candy ! The day after Halloween is my favorite because I always find candy on the ground . I have to stay away from mean kids ' houses , though , because if I 'm not paying attention , I might get smushed . Just kidding . For now , I 'll fly away looking for my next meal . They tried to dodge out of the way of Shadow 's aggression and Whisper delivered a signal with her tail for the rest of Moon 's army to attack . Arrow stood in shock when he saw Moon and Whisper fighting for him . Even Squirrel was fighting beside them . They were attacking him but now , now they weren 't . They had decided well Arrow thought . Shadow was overwhelmed by the number of dogs attacking him . He couldn 't see his pack and Shadow was growing anxious . He thrashed back and forth , trying to escape the claws of Moon 's army . Shadow saw his chance to escape when some of his pack began howling to make a distraction . The old dog lunged at Moon with full force bringing her to the ground ; he furiously raked his claws at her . Shadow was left in the middle of Arrow 's rage . The moment Arrow 's claws met Shadow a burst of light appeared , almost blinding the surrounding dogs . The grass flew away from Arrow and Shadow . A roaring sound erupted around the arena . The light stopped to reveal what happened , Shadow was completely gone , and Arrow stood proud and strong . " Arrow ? " Moon approached Arrow with caution ; she was ready to defend herself if necessary . " Shadow deserved to die , but , did you kill him ? I never thought you would kill someone . " " A hero has arisen , a soul of evil , gone , I am Echoblew , guardian of heroes . " The lion moved towards the terrified dogs then averted her gaze to look at Arrow . " Welcome . " When Rachel finally made the decision to come out of the bathroom she was doing the last part of her makeup : lipstick . Of course , I didn 't know that when I started running to the bathroom door and totally moved Rachel 's arm across her face . Smearing the bright pink lipstick everywhere . When I did that , I felt delightful and pleased with myself inside . A few seconds after , Rachel was determined to kill me . I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me . I couldn 't even describe how I felt . All I knew was that I needed to get ready , and fast ! It was already 7 : 58 , and school starts at 8 : 15 ! I hoped my mom would decide that I deserved to get to school on time ! Beyond this universe there lies a dragon . They called him the Destroyer of Worlds . He was a mile long and fully plated with scales that could demonstrate how puny our human weapons and military were . He was all red except the tail that glowed green . He was a type of lizard that kills . His departure from this realm had been very much accepted , but not by his son . The Destroyer of Worlds II they called the son , who looked like his father but was more destructive . He traveled quintillions of miles just to come to Earth and begin the torture this realm or planet deserved . Most people found it weird that finally there was a " spirit " to destroy them after all they had done . Most didn 't find that all appealing or believable in any manner possible to describe . Some cultures and beliefs said that The Destroyer of Worlds II was there to help , despite his very " delightful " name and father . Some people just called him Destroyer for short . " This is a puny world . Seems appetizing for I 'm hungry and I love humans . They have so many bones , they are crunchy , and they 're delicious , " Destroyer said to himself . He was hovering around the planet not knowing that the big things that orbit Earth - satellites - were picking up his signal and very visual readings of him . Scientists couldn 't believe the way he behaved . Depending on which side of the planet he was on , he would change color and acted like he wanted or demanded somebody to come out and provide him a fresh supply of humans , or in his case , 21 to 42 year - old men or women . He preferred those age ranges because they were young in comparison to his 1 , 936 , 754 , 725 years of age . After a year of just spying on earth , Destroyer spoke aloud in perfect and fluent English . " I am waiting , and are surely coming . I am also 100 percent sure that I will kill all of you . Your corpses will decay and melt in space for an eternity , " he said in an evil voice that he knew was going to go horrible for Earth and all of its living species and inhabitants . " Ah ha ha ! " he laughed maniacally . In Destroyer 's opinion this would be a very delightful future . " Not exactly , " he replied . " You 'll only be going to a class three times a week , and you 're beginning tomorrow . " He took a deep breath , " I feel that this will push you beyond your academic limits , " he wasn 't finished , " besides , it all depends on how you take in all of this useful information . " Of course , Dad got his way , as always . The next day we made our departure at ten o ' clock . I felt sort of awkward walking into a place with people in black and white robes of some sort , while I was wearing my ripped up black tights , my dark black short shorts , and a big tank top with a zombie on it - not to mention my crazy blue hair . The man finished and stood there staring a few seconds at each and every one of us . " Now , " he said , " I am expecting you all to behave with great discipline , and I assure you , " he told us , looking at our parents , " that you will walk out of here delightful children . " He looked at me and added , " There shall be no chewing of the gum . " Who talks like that ? I walked over to the trashcan , near to where the parents were sitting and disgustedly spit out my grape - flavored gum , with one last wipe of the mouth . Dad glared an evil parent glare as I dragged myself back to my spot . This was going to be fun . As politely as I can , I state , " You ordered two larges , sir , ' ' I could see him trying to determine whether or not to take the pizza . ' ' Fine I 'll take the pizza , ' ' he says . That makes me smile . I go home and flip on my television while I heat up a few pieces of pizza . I take it out and smell it . I laugh , " This is going to be delightful ; ha , ha ha . ' ' I stuff a piece of pizza into my mouth , forgetting to behave and eat the right way . I ask myself if this is the best pizza I have had in my life . I burp . That is a definite yes . After I eat , I watch some more TV . A commercial comes on that advertises , ' ' the new best laundry detergent . ' ' That ad is hardly believable , I think to myself , as I deliberately shove the last piece of pizza into my mouth . Yuki and I both groan as we finish what we 're doing and then slip on our sandals and make our way to the car . Once we 're inside , we grasp our belts and connect them to our buckles . I already know how this will end up : Mom yelling in the middle of some aisle loaded with shoppers , all staring at us . I try to determine in which aisle this event will occur . Will it be the cereal aisle or the frozen food section ? No , this time , I will at least attempt to behave and nothing will stop that from happening … I hope . My belief is that if I just do what she asks with no argument , this excruciating shopping trip will fly by . Therefore , I follow my gut and search for the store 's dairy aisle . As for Mom and Yuki , they continue to search for the other required items needed to complete this trip . Hi ! Welcome to Pippi 's Pizza ! We serve delicious pizza , and best of all , we deliver ! Our scrumptious toppings range from pepperoni to roasted roaches ! Here is how we make our pizza ; first , we make the dough . Then we deliberately add laundry detergent to get that chemically taste . ( It is definitely not dangerous ! ) Next , we cook the pizza with all the toppings already on top . ( That is why it tastes so brilliantly burnt ! ) Then , we put the finished pizza into the satchel of a pigeon to take right to your doorstep . Your pigeon - delivered pizza won 't be in a box because our belief is that cardboard makes your pizza taste bad . If you so decide , we can let your pizza decay , but it costs extra because it is a painstaking process to put the pizza in the back alley for a year . Shh , the secret to our success is a small farm beneath our shop . We use chicken feathers in the dough to make such a creamy taste and unique texture . " Good morning ! Today we will start out this period of English with a fun assignment ! " sang out Mr . John , strutting into the room , " You may write about whatever you would like , but I demand for it to be school appropriate ! " Everyone in the room groaned . " Now , now , no reason to pout ; you 're not two years old ! You will have an hour to complete this project before it has to be turned in , but first , " he declared , holding up his finger , a twinkle in his eye , " I will read a delightful example of an exceptional piece that deserves the honor of being read aloud . It demonstrates the type of writing I am expecting to see from you . It is called … Beyond . " I sighed , why does he read these pieces anyway ? It 's not like it can make us magically become as good of writers as the person who wrote the model piece . All it will do is make us feel bad about our own writing . He just doesn 't get it . Mr . John put the paper back down on his desk , " Now it is your turn to write a terrific piece . Don 't forget to write a beginning , middle , and end . Also , I expect you to use descriptive language , and to behave and not mess around . Mill is passing out paper , and you may begin when you get it . Good luck ! " I shook my head . No , that was too pathetic for any seventh grader , even for me . After erasing that pitiful beginning , I was deciding whether I should write a story - getting me a better grade - or a poem - providing less work for me . After a minute , I came to the conclusion that none of my thoughts would work , so I settled on a letter : A letter of advice . As a plus , I wrote in cursive , hoping for a bit of extra credit : It still wasn 't perfect , but I didn 't care . When I got up to turn in my paper , the bell rang , releasing me from my boredom . I was so happy to be done that when I left the classroom , I glided through the hall , grinning ear to ear - until I realized what my next class was . My smile fell and I trudged on , stopping whenever I could . The bell had suddenly transformed from the bell of freedom to the bell tolling my death sentence as it dawned on me that my next period was math , the worst period of all . Bryce , my friend , and I reply , " Hello . " I am definite that this isn 't going to go well , I think to myself . We are led into a dark room with boxes and equipment casting eerie shadows . " We have to behave naturally , " I whisper to Bryce , thinking he may not have heard me . We were fed delicious cookies until a sudden whack was heard . A tall , muscular man was standing in the doorway with a beard as long as Santa 's . " San - " Bryce called while being forced to cease and desist by duct tape being wrapped around his mouth . If you were to ask me , this is not a delightful scene at all . We were first attracted to the office by some women , and then boom ! In the blink of an eye , we happened to be kidnapped by some jerks . The men bequeathed the Hello Kitty duct tape to the women . " Special delivery ! " the women said enthusiastically . They did this in such a deliberate manner that it was almost like they had planned it , which they probably had . What would you do in this situation right now because you could not defer it ? Bryce and I are duct taped together , each in chairs , hands behind our backs , mumbling to one another . We were planning our escape . It might not happen immediately , but it would happen . One morning , a delightful ray of light came into my room . It was Saturday the beginning of the weekend . In my opinion , the weekends are the most peaceful days . I slowly got out of bed and went over to my closet to choose my outfit for the day . I was deciding on a beautiful dress . It was hard to describe what it looked like . When I walked out of my room , Zoey , my painful sister , wanted to demonstrate how to make a potion that causes anyone that is bad to behave right away . Besides how dumb it sounded , I wanted to see her fail . I sat down in a chair to watch . While she was getting ready , she gave me a delicious cookie . Once the potion was complete , she brought it over to me , but while she was carrying it , she spilled it on me . My beliefs were that she meant to do that . I was beyond covered in the red potion . I was a disaster . I stomped out of her room . There , a determined girl , a huge kitchen , and beliefs that cookies can change everything in a fantastic way . The chocolate chip cookie recipe sits there , ordering me around , commanding me to get ingredients into the bowl . " Julia , we 're going to the market . Make sure you behave while we are gone , okay ? " my Dad calls to me from the garage door . Apparently , they need laundry detergent , crackers , and juice . Hopefully , I can get the cookies done before they get back ! I start to throw in the sugar , the eggs , and last but not least , the chocolate chips . I throw them in the oven , rushing to get them finished before my parents get home . I set the timer for eleven minutes , and then I go to read a book . I am eight minutes into reading , when I realize I have forgotten to add the flour . I had been rushing so much I didn 't fully complete the recipe ! I take out the cookies and begin all over . As I put them in the oven , making sure I have included ALL the ingredients , my parents walk in the door . They ask what smells so good and I tell them I am baking cookies . They become so mad ; I am in trouble . Yikes ! ! ! They are yelling at me all the way until the timer beeps . I take out the cookies , and they are so good ! I call them the " deliciously , unbelievable , delightful cookies . " I definitely am going to deliver some cookies to my neighbors because they deserve some . I am beginning to understand that the decision to make cookies without my parents was a bad idea . Something could have happened , and I should have adult supervision . I will never do that again if I am going to misbehave . In the beginning , the pea family was an ordinary family , but … they were peas . These peas had lived the longest of any peas ; how ? They never wanted to be so delicious tasting - that makes living longer very difficult . They had a very delightful family and were one of the biggest pods in their town , Peataluma . There was the dad , named Peater ; the mom Peanelope ; and their three children Peaisley , Peablo , and Peater . They transitioned all around their pod doing daily pea things . But one day Peaisley wanted to know how she was alive . After all , she was a vegetable , a pea vegetable . There were a lot of different beliefs about living peas , but she wanted the real one . Peaisley thought about who would be able to answer her question . She finally decided that her grandma Peata would be able to provide an answer . Grandma Peata was a delightful person to be around and everyone described her as the " best grandma ever ! " Grandma Peata lived many miles away in a small town called Peaville , so Peaisley had to send a letter to her through the mail . Six days later , Peaisley received a letter back from her grandma with a precept in the letter , of course . When her grandma got to Peaisley 's Pod , she ran up to her grandma , Peata , and gave her a big hug . As they walked inside , they started to talk about the Pea Nation 's history , starting in the 1800 's . Beneath her pea coat was an old , rotten , purple book that was gigantic . The book was so dirty and musty smelling that it looked like it had been decaying for hundreds of years . By this time , it was getting very late , so grandma Peata tucked Peablo , Peater , and Peaisley into bed . The Pea - children were so excited to investigate the book 's secrets that when Grandma Peata left the room , they pulled out their flashlights and started to explore the book . As they were flipping through the pages , they all had un - believable looks on their faces . Finally , some of Peaisley 's questions were going to be answered . The story of why peas are ' ' living ' ' is this : One evening a cook took a package of frozen peas and boiled them for a meal . The dinner was delayed so the peas cooled down , and nobody would eat the cold peas . This pea family was the very first generation to exist . Later on when Peaisley was in Pea University , she became a reporter for PTHR ( PeaTaluma History Reporter ) , a local newspaper . Eventually her work and the decayed , purple book became a part of the Natural Pea History Museum . Peaisley was a great reporter and ended up becoming an owner of the museum ! Let me describe the horror . It is a 150 - foot drop with upside down loops . I 've never been on a roller coaster that does that ; but wait , there 's more . Instead of just going straight forward , it also goes backwards so it has double the departures . In my defense , I really don 't want to ride the roller coaster , and that 's why my decision is shaky . It 's now time to go on the ride . My mom tells me to relax , have fun , and behave . We have to wait in line five minutes before boarding the roller coaster . When we are at the top of the line , I got to see the roller coaster go , so the people are demonstrating the effects of the ride . They get off ; then we get on . We strap ourselves in , and off we go . Up , down , left , right , and I am tossed and twisted . We come to a stop , and I know the ride is over . Beyond my beliefs , it was fun and not scary at all . When we get off , I head straight to my mom . I just keep talking . My friend tugs on my sleeve , begging to ride again . We run off for a second turn , which is even more fun than the first . Now I can go on any roller coaster without being scared . One cloudy day at my friend 's house , we were in is backyard digging in a patch of rocky dirt . We later went to his room , but we suddenly heard a ring . It was the doorbell . My friend 's mom walked to the door , only to find out that it was my dad , Todd , with a cute , fluffy dog in his arms . First of all , let me describe what the dog looked like . He was cute , soft , fluffy , and kind . I ended up thinking that that day wasn 't believable . My dad asked my brother and me if we wanted to go home and play with the dog . At the beginning of my dad 's arrival , he told us that the dog 's name was Ollie . I ended up in my dad 's work van . I made my decision to go home and play with Ollie . On the way home , Ollie would not stay still . Besides , he was a newborn . What do you expect from a scared dog ? Beyond that , I didn 't really care about him running around . It was pretty funny to be honest with you . I had no beliefs that my dad would ever get another dog , so this new dog was a welcome decision . It was really delightful to play around with Ollie . I felt like he depended on me to give him a great life . If I asked Ollie to sit , he would have no idea on what to do . So I would demonstrate it for him . Ollie has changed my life ever since I laid eyes on him . This has been a wonderful adventure so far with him , and I will love him until the day I die . I will always have a special spot in my heart for his being of life . In the beginning , our planned trip was going well . Then our departure time from the airport was delayed . We made a decision to take a later flight . While we waited , we had some delicious food at the airport . Besides the food , we also had some benign - tasting ice cream . If I had to describe the ice cream , I would say it tasted like bland milk . On this trip , my brother and I had to demonstrate that we could behave . We told our parents they could depend on us . Our trip to Florida was delightful and everyone had a great time ! My mom is the best ! I can always depend on her . She is beyond amazing . I can also describe her as a delightful lady . She is wise and always makes good decisions . She also demonstrates how to behave around people . Every night , she always puts an unbelievably delicious meal on the table . She can also keep me safe through her defense . My mom is the most outstanding woman I know . She loves me , cares for me , and respects me . I am very grateful for my mom . The ball bounces from one hand to another . I see the hoop feet above me . The ball fits perfectly in my hand . I jump up ; the ball releases from my hand and sails over the hoop . My face sinks . I have been practicing basketball for years and somehow have managed to become worse . My best friend is our school champion on the basketball team . Then my other friend is on the cheerleading squad . With these two as friends , I desperately want to be a success . I see a UPS truck , probably here to deliver a brand new basketball hoop that I have been saving up for . My parents said that if I behaved , they would split the difference . Well , this was definitely it . The size was just right . I had plans of becoming a professional basketball player , and this was the first step of my plan . DING ! The doorbell rings , and I scurry over to open the door to find my best friend , Riley , standing there . " Yeah , sure , " I reply . We run outside with a ball . Riley shoots a three - pointer and swishes it . I try , and the ball bounces off the rim and hits me in the head . " Here do it like this , " he says as he demonstrates . I grab the ball from him and attempt to do what he showed me . I jump up and shoot ; the ball swishes in . I run for a layup , and it delightfully swoops in . Riley goes for a layup , and the ball falls out of his hands , hitting him in the face . He falls to the ground , landing on his leg awkwardly . He screams in pain . I get my mom and we drive to the hospital . Riley returns from the examining room with crutches . We get back into the car and drop off Riley before returning home . I eat dinner and brush my teeth so they won 't become decayed . Then I go to bed . In the morning , I awaken and hop on my bike , pedaling away to school . At school , I decide to go to the office to sign up for the basketball tournament . All the jocks are heckling me , saying , " Yeah , you 're going to win . That 's believable . " I ignore them and go to the gym . I am up first for the basketball tournament , so I get the ball . I stand up to my opponent . I grab the ball and start to dribble . I spin around him and jump up for the shot . He gets the ball , and I run past him , stealing the ball . I jump up for the shot . Again and again , I work my way up , winning every time . It is time for the final game , and I have butterflies . I get the ball and run towards the hoop , shooting the ball . Swish . My opponent gets the ball and shoves me aside as he shoots . The ref doesn 't call the foul . I get the ball and shoot a three - pointer . The score is 8 - 8 and we are playing to ten . I have the ball and rush the hoop , but my opponent slams me to the ground . Finally , the ref calls a shooting foul , and I get two free throws . I go to the line , and my head feels dizzy . I jump up , taking the shot . The ball bounces in . My head starts to feel even dizzier , but I shoot through the pain . The ball bounces off the rim , balancing like a tightrope walker , and then goes in . I throw my hands in the air with happiness . I had been the loser who couldn 't shoot , and now I am the champion . Riley , who had been sidelined because of his injury , hobbles over to me on his crutches and gives me a high five . With practice , I have won and become the new star of the school . Lizzie Starbucks was an eleven year old girl who was very funny and loved swings . She was a benign person , and she always behaved . She never had much of a taste for art until one delightful afternoon at McClure park when she found something that changed her life forever … . Lizzie ran over to the swings , her favorite thing at the park , and plopped down on the firm plastic curve . Sometimes Lizzie would have a contest with herself to go higher than the treetops that surrounded the park . She was always determined to do so . That day , Lizzie finally went higher than the trees . As she swung down , she spotted something lying in the grass . She catapulted herself off of the swing and skipped over to the item . It was a beautiful painting of a rainforest , with sun rays glinting off of the leaves . She gasped at its beauty and almost dropped it . She looked round the park for the owner , but seeing no one , she made the deliberate decision to take home the painting and deliver it to the police station . Lizzie bolted through the garage door to her house . Her mother , who was pouring detergent into the washer , asked what the matter was . Lizzie explained everything , and her mother agreed that it would be best to turn the painting over to the police . The police officer gasped when he saw the work of art and said , " This is the lost painting that is worth $ 97 , 000 , 000 ! " He questioned her about the painting ; then he confiscated it as evidence in a theft . Lizzie and her mother started to leave , but the officer stopped them and gave them the reward of $ 97 , 000 , 000 ! It was unbelievable ! A black hole is a decayed star 's core that has collapsed upon itself and become , beyond believability , infinitely more times denser than its regular state as the beginning end of the end of the star occurs . Usually stars that create black holes after dying are supermassive stars , and yes , that 's the scientific name . After a few more million years , the star 's core has finally completely collapsed into the black hole . Unlike many other celestial and planetary bodies , black holes don 't really behave in the way that other objects do in the universe . Black holes demonstrate pure power because not even light can escape the event horizon . When something goes into a black hole , it is never coming out again unless scientists ' theory of a black hole connecting one side of a wormhole is correct . Besides black holes being the opposite of delightful and being capable of destroying everything in their path , black holes get worse by spinning out bursts of radiation and the worst kind of radiation , too . These bursts of radiation are called gamma ray bursts . These are some of the deadliest , most devastating things known to man . If a gamma ray burst happened to hit Earth , in one second , half of the planet would definitely be destroyed . What causes gamma ray bursts is when a black hole becomes too full and basically throws up in the form of radiation . Black holes are destructive , fascinating phenomena . I stare in disgust at my vegetables . Carrots and celery . Ugh ! All I can think of is fruit . I really hope some fruit man will deliver some fruit just for me because the vegetables taste like laundry detergent . I wish under my breath for fruit . All of sudden , I am in a world of fruit ! Trees , bushes , rivers , pathways , and fields , all covered in fruit . Now I can defer my dinner until tomorrow , and now I can determine what to eat ! It is definite that I am in heaven . I am deliberate when I walk through the fruit - covered field . I can almost hear my mom telling me to desist from drinking too much from the lemonade river , but I can 't resist . I eat some sugary fruit and put some in my pocket to bequest to my children because I have learned that this fruit never goes bad . If I had been a little bit tired , I would have been shocked awake . My mom 's pancakes were so delicious . All I knew was that my legs ran downstairs with no thought . When I was downstairs , I was ready to burst . Jake had lied ! All I saw was cereal and milk . My beliefs had been crushed by my brother . I couldn 't take it . He never behaved appropriately toward me . Then I realized it wouldn 't matter and that the school bus would be coming in ten minutes . I couldn 't wait to get to school and see Ms . Benign , the nicest teacher ever because she never made us take a test without being two hundred percent certain that everyone understood the topic . When I finally arrived to school , I was about to deliver my two - day late homework , when it completely disappeared . I couldn 't believe it . I knew I had it earlier . I had seen it right on top of all of my other papers . Then , on top of that , I had a substitute teacher . Now it seemed as though my fate was determined to be bad . Later , near the end of school , I took the bus , which I almost missed because the substitute stalled me for some strange reason . Finally , I arrived back and home , and when I got there , my mom was doing laundry . She needed detergent , so I was getting it off of a shelf when the whole shelf just collapsed . It dumped everything on me , and my mom blamed me for " making it fall . " It was so annoying , as if my day wasn 't already stressful . I ran right into my room . This was definitely my worst day ever . As if things couldn 't become stranger , my brother chose to be nice just then . " I 'm fine . I managed to dodge some of the debris , " I said , even though I had two bruises . He came in anyway , and he asked me what was wrong . So , I told him what had happened . He then told me I was having an off - day and that I should go to sleep . It was only seven o ' clock , but I fell asleep after he promised to help me with my homework later . It had definitely been my worst day ever , but I realized that everyone has one or two days like that . If they don 't , they are either lucky or freaky . I figured that this had been my off - day . I would probably have another , but until then , I would just enjoy my other days . Suddenly , many stones on the wall shifted and a tall , lanky man with a necklace appeared . " You do deserve an explanation . If you behave , it will be delightful to give you a tour . " Jordan agreed to behave , and he and the man walked through the doorway , which opened up into a huge common room . " This is unbelievable ! We have to be at least seven stories beneath sea level . " Just then Jordan sat bolt upright in a cold sweat . He was still shaken , but he decided the whole experience had just been a dream . Still , he wondered whether that was the case . The stranger came in the dark of the night . There were no stars , and the waning moon provided feeble light . Mist hung low around the castle grounds , adding to the eeriness of the night . The stranger 's cape billowed out from behind him as he strode toward his destination . " Knock , knock , knock ! " Sharp rapping at the grounds keeper 's door woke Peter . Deliberately avoiding waking his parents , Peter delicately tiptoed to the door and opened it a peep . " Ye is Peter Smiths , ain 't ye ? " the stranger rasped , his breath creating a cloud of steam as white as detergent . He continued , " Listen carefully , ye hear ? I have a special bequest for thee , something bequeathed to thee by thou grandfather . " Peter 's mind raced . His grandfather ? His mysterious grandfather whose dumbfounding disappearance had left his family poor ? The stranger pressed something into Peter 's hand , but when he tried to withdraw his hold , the stranger clasped both his hands around Peter 's . Peter looked up , and his two brown eyes locked with the man 's one green eye . " Don 't defer accepting the quest , Peter Smiths ; ye must find it , for it could change your future . But I must warn ye : ye cannot desist once ye starts looking . " Leaving those words hanging in the air , the stranger briskly turned and walked into the night . Peter looked wonderingly down at his hands . Did the answer to the old man 's riddles really lie in there ? But the man had left , leaving Peter the liberty of opening his hands and discovering what lay inside … . Peter opened his hands and inspected the folded scrap of molding parchment . The man came all this way just to deliver this ? Peter pondered . Opening the parchment revealed a faded map of some sort , and inscribed with cramped writing were these words : This is what the man was talking about ? How strange … . Peter trailed off . Whatever this means , it is definitely important . Suddenly , it hit Peter . His grandfather 's disappearance , his family 's poverty , the treasure : it could make his family rich ! They would no longer be the groundskeepers ; they could find a job within the castle ! Determined to make this happen , Peter promised himself that in the morning he would set off on his gallant quest to save his family ! Today , I will be demonstrating my lemur knowledge by sharing a critique on lemurs and their way of life . Beyond the dry flat desert and the luscious , green fields , is a a verdant and delightful jungle , where the lemurs live . Being mostly herbivores , they eat delicious foods , such as tasty leaves , sweet sap , crunchy tree bark , and moist fruit . When climbing , they depend on their strong hands and feet to grip onto the rough tree bark because their long , luxurious tails cannot seem to do the same gripping as some other primate cousins ' tails can . During mating season , the males behave in an aggressive and defensive manner by attempting to out - stink each other . Ring - tailed lemurs are one of the easiest animals to describe visually . They are a light , smoky , gray color with a long , wiggly , striped tail . They are very cute animals , besides their giant , bright fire orange eyes , which are quite formidable to some ; but for me , I think those eyes are very appealing . Chucka - Chucka - Screeech ! Chucka - Chucka - Screeeech ! I was on my way to my grandmother 's on my very first train ride . I was so ecstatic to see my grandmother , but it would be some ride because I had been alone . It was definitely up to me to deliver my mother 's message to Grandmother Mary . Mother had told me to tell her , " Keep her safe , " but whatever could that mean ? I always thought in my head . Keep whom safe ? It was up to me to discover my family 's secrets they were hiding from me . The next day , as I stepped off the train steps I heard my name being screeched out , " Reina ! Reina ! " I knew it had been Grandmother Mary ! I raced into her arms and felt hugs full of warmth and tenderness . I knew Grandmother and I would have a delightful time spending the summer together ! As we buckled up into her Toyota , we started going up to her house in the sweltering California sun . This had all been before I saw she lived in a mansion ! As soon as I found my room and unpacked , I knew I would have to behave in order to stay here and not be shipped back home . I almost forgot to tell Grandmother about the message ! " Grandmother Mary ? " I asked in an uneasy tone . Later on , as I as exploring the mansion , I wanted to go out back and see all the nature . " A rose garden ! " I vociferated , running toward the entrance gate . The roses smelled so delicious and ambrosial , I felt like I could pluck a rose and drift to heaven on silky petals . POP ! I raced back into the house wondering what happened . " Grandma Mary ? Grandma Mary ? ! " I hollered throughout the mansion . No answer . I rushed to her bedroom , and there she was on her bed not moving . " Go back to the garden , open the door , go beneath the ground , and then find the - the - the , " Grandma Mary only managed to say . Find what , exactly ? I thought . As I was running through the underground passage , I was looking for anything that would be important to find . I didn 't care what the reason for this was and what happened to Grandmother Mary at the moment , I just knew I had to follow her directions . It was up to me to determine what was happening and to find what Grandmother Mary was telling me to find ! As I was sprinting through the passageway , I saw a … . . box of detergent ? I thought something was suspicious about that so I unscrewed the top and found a key ! Maybe to a vault at a bank ? As I got a taxi to the local bank , I gave the key to the woman at the desk , who inspected the key . " Follow me , " The woman muttered . I followed her down to the very back of the room , and then down some stairs and into the bank 's basement . Where I found … . a vault - four feet tall and five feet wide . As soon as the woman was about to open the vault , she desisted and fell to the ground paralyzed ! I blacked out and fell to the ground , fearful and alarmed . A few hours later , I awoke and the key was still there , but where was the woman ? I didn 't care , so I opened the vault in a heartbeat and found a tattered old book . This was unbelievable , what was I going to do this book ? I knew this couldn 't have been some joke . Someone put it there deliberately for me to find . It had to be intentional , but I knew it was a clue to find these people who are after me . The next day , I went to the police station and asked for assistance from an officer who was leaning on the counter - top in the front . I told him the story of my grandmother , and the noise I had heard inside her mansion . " Probably something inside the house that caused the noise , and about your grandmother ? Eh , she 's old . Maybe she just fell asleep , " he said in a careless tone . I should have known the police wouldn 't be of any help ! Tap - Tip - Tap - Tip , my shoes went as I was running back to Grandmother Mary 's mansion . I almost fainted seeing there in her front yard sipping a glass of lemonade ! " Uh , Grandmother Mary ? " I asked astonished . " The book about our family , and the popping noise had been a loose floorboard that one of the maids was fixing . I didn 't pass out either . I took a pill to help me get better because I was pretty ill , so it made me a little drowsy . " At least this had been better than finding out my family had been in trouble . I would have done this ten times more if I had to because my family always comes first . This had been an alarming situation , where I thought I had been in danger . I 'm glad I now know what had happened ! I can 't really describe what I went through on that fateful day , my life was changed forever . Besides , it was beyond anything you could ever imagine . Let me demonstrate for you . You stroll into a quaint , little candy shop in need of Sugaramas . A Sugarama makes my taste buds explode with flavor , and I can never have enough . The clerk motions you to come to the back of the shop where all the best Sugeramas are . Then , just like a mouse , you get snatched up into a humungous room filled with all the sweets you could ever imagine . Do you fall for the cocoa melts , or do you escape ? Don 't you see my problem ? You are kidnapped by an evil clerk , but you 're trapped in a candy - overload - wonderland . Wouldn 't you want to stay ? What would your decision be ? But that is how they snatch the kids . They lure the kids into wanting the delicious treats . I was once one of those ragamuffin kids who fell for those scrumptious treats . I will tell you how it all went down . In the beginning , my mouth was bellowing for a Sugarama . Having the sugar sizzle on my tongue made me feel hypnotized and I went nuts ! I sauntered toward Randy 's Candy Shop . Glimpsing all the vivacious colors of the peppy purple and the oozing orange taffy , struck me with bliss . Ding - dong , the doorbell chimed as I ambled toward the candy counter . I could see Bubbleozzers lining the cash register and jars piled high containing Lick - o - Lace Vines . There were scrumptious treats everywhere , like the Lick - la - Pops , Crunching - Caramel , Glutinous Gummies , Nickla - Rricks , and my favorite - Sugaramas ! In an awestruck voice I asked , " May I have a pouch of Sugaramas , please ? " How could that be possible ? I wondered to myself . " Well , okay , " I said in a submissive tone . The clerk smirked at me as we plodded toward the back . Candy corns dangled over the door like curtains . As she held the door ajar , I was in total sugar overload as I noticed all of the sugary treats . I could envision my dentist saying , " Kaleigh , what happened ? It is not like you eat a lot of sugar ! " But that was just what was going to happen , until … my eyes were mesmerized by the chocolate walls and then … THWACK ! The door slammed behind me ! Now it finally occurred to me I had been kidnapped in a candy shop ! From the aggressive way the clerk stood to the evil look in her eyes , I had no doubt that I was in trouble . My eyes groped round the diminutive room , looking for a way out . Tears sluiced down my cheeks and made my face wet . So I will tell you … DO NOT , I mean DO NOT , fall for the glorious candy on the outside ! Just think of the inside as a horrible cavity nightmare waiting to happen ! On second thought , this is not half bad . I mean , candy plus candy equals , a happy Kaleigh ! After all , I was in candy heaven . CREE … AAK ! As the door was opening , my belly was churning in fear . " Hello , honey , " the clerk sneered . I stared at the Lick - la - Pops dangling from the walls as I tried to figure out where the secret portal of escape was located and what my defense was going to be if I was caught . The candy scent was making my brain go psycho ! I was acting way too sweet to the clerk when I should have been working on a way to escape . My jaw ached from chewing all the vivaciously - colored taffy . My hair started getting frizzy like cotton candy . What was happening to me … all these thoughts boggled up in my head . I was becoming addicted and needed more and more candy . Instead of blood pumping through my veins , it felt like strawberry syrup circulating through my body . My skin was turning into a gingerbread brown . I licked my lips , and they tasted delectably delicious . All of a sudden , I realized what the evil clerk was trying to do . She was trying to turn as many children as possible into the sweetest candy so she could become the best candy maker in the world . Well , she could deduct me from her sweet candy success plan because I was going to escape . I could smell the fumes of the outside world seep into my nostrils . As I caught a glimpse of the escape portal , I heard the clerk as she retorted , " Well , well , look who is trying to escape . " I had to depend on the portal to save me as I skittered and hurtled through it . As I got further and further away from the candy shop , I could faintly hear the wicked clerk squealing , " Come back , I have more sweets for you ! " I knew I would not fall for the tempting treats ever again . Boy , did I learn my lesson ! Who knew that Sugaramas could cause so much bad karma ! " Oh , yes , thank you . I knew I had lost that detergent , and I was starting to get really determined to find it . Well , thanks again for delivering it to me , " Marniekins said , as she slammed the door into Oogley - woogly 's face . That 's another thing Marniekins found strange - that the teachers didn 't even stop the food fights . But what Marniekins found really strange was something about Oogley - woogly . At school meetings , Oogley - woogly would never deliberate or discuss a problem , she would just always agree with other teachers when she was called on to answer . The strangest thing about Oogley - woogly , though , was that everywhere she went , she carried an old chest with her , and Marniekins was determined to find out what was nestled against the rough wood inside the chest that Oogley - woogly carried with her everywhere . " Yes , that 's why . I 'm not a real witch just yet , but I always try harder every day , " replied Oogley - woogly , not sounding surprised at Marniekins 's appearance there . " If only I could get a hair bit of help from someone , then I 'll definitely have my magic . " Oogley - woogly gladly accepted the help . Now everyday the two friends , Marniekins and Oogley - woogly , work together on spells and incantations . Very soon after Marniekins 's huge help , Oogley - woogly finally got her magic and her secret hidden ability . Recently , Marniekins and her friend had to defer their military service to a later date , but that was fine with them . With her newly found ability , Oogley - woogly has been exceptionally happy ! Click , clack , click , clack went my shoes as I ran to Gate Thirty - Nine . I was in a hurry to get to the gate before the departure time of 12 : 30 . I only had five minutes ! If you looked at me , all you would see was a flash down the walkway . I could not wait after getting of the plane because tonight I was going to see my favorite basketball team , the Golden State Warriors , at Oracle Stadium . All the years that I lived in Colorado , I never felt the need to go to a Denver Nuggets game , but I was willing to go the distance to see my favorite team . I had posters of all the Warriors ' players in my room . When I walked in the stadium , it was so much more amazing than my father had described it to me when I was a little boy . The flashing lights and the music sent chills of excitement down my back . After I got my hot , yummy hot dog and my tasty soda , I sat down in the dark blue seat . At the beginning of the game , the Warriors defense demonstrated great steals and blocks , which led to easy lay - ups . The Warriors were playing beyond my expectations . The opposing team , the Lakers were depending on Kobe Bryant to make all their points . With one second left , the Warriors were winning by one point when Kobe Bryant shot a three - pointer to win the game . However , the ref deducted the points because they said Kobe shot the ball after the buzzer ! I went crazy ; the Warriors had won ! I arrived at the door with shivers . It would be the first time I 'd ever been to Raviolies , and it would be my parents ' second arrival . The first time they had been to Raviolies was in California while on their honeymoon . However , they had been banned after my dad " accidentally " splattered a plate full of spaghetti on a waiter 's front . That was their past , though , and besides , I hoped it would never be mine . As I stepped through the glass doors , I couldn 't even seem to describe how beautiful and elegant the restaurant looked . All I could think was that this was the beginning of something delightful . On our way to our seats , everyone looked well - behaved , and the only thought in my head was , " I so don 't belong here . " My parents ' eyes popped up from behind the menus . " Depends on what you prefer to order . It doesn 't really matter , " my dad responded . My mouth dropped . I couldn 't believe he had just said that . We all enjoyed spaghetti , bread - sticks , and some sort of Italian lemonade , all with a side of salad . Yum . This whole day had been unbelievable , and now I just can 't wait till I turn eighteen ! This delightful product is beyond amazing . The decision to name it Aufora is based on a combination of its affordable cost ! A product like Aufora is a defense against dry or damp skin . It is a great hypo - allergenic moisturizer . In the beginning of your process , you 'll need to wash your hands before using this product . This dependable cream will make your hands feel extra soft . The customers ' views and beliefs about Aufora are just as advertised on the commercial . The commercial describes the steps for using Aufora in less than five minutes ! If you order the Fight Cancer pack , we 'll give you an extra set of the product , and we 'll also deduct money off your regular purchase price . But even better : half of the total price goes towards the Cancer Foundation . Did I mention the cream has a delicious smell ? At the very beginning of time , there lived a cell . He was very lazy , but in his defense , he couldn 't move very fast or far because he could be described as very small . His life depended on other cells because that was the only thing he could eat . Sometimes he had to face very hard decisions , for instance , what to eat . He didn 't find eating his relatives delightful , but he had to anyway because he could only eat other cells . One day , the cell got so mad at himself that he set out to explore . He ended up just finding more cells . He then felt content about his life and became very happy . He lived the rest of his life happily ever after ( but only a day or so since a cell 's life was short ) . As they got settled into their seats , the flight attendant announced , " Flight 11 to Chicago is now ready for departure . " Sammy pulled out her notebook to describe the feelings she was having now . Besides , how else when she became famous would her adoring fans learn how she felt about life when she was eleven ? At least that 's what Sammy always said . Ron and Sammy were very excited because it was their first time traveling alone without their parents . It took a long time for their parents to make a decision to allow them to traveling alone . Ron and Sammy were going to Chicago by themselves so they could visit their friend Dolly . " Ron ! Mom wanted me to remind you that we depend on you to be on your best behavior . " In her brother 's defense , Sammy thought that Ron was on his best behavior . While they were flying , Sammy and Ron remembered that their parents had given them a money card to use while on their trip . Sammy decided to use this card to buy sodas on the plane . When they bought sodas , the flight attendant had to deduct money from their card to pay for the sodas . " Good morning , folks ! It is currently 6 : 44 am , and we are cruising over Michigan . We will be arriving a little late to New York due to the fog . Our departure time was pushed back thirty minutes , but please enjoy our in - flight movie . In about ten minutes we will demonstrate how to use your flotation devices , and thank you for your patience ! " Ugh ! Being a flight attendant was so boring , I couldn 't even describe it . At the beginning it was fun . With all the free rides , it was hard to make the decision of where to go ; besides that , it paid enough for me and my family . I tried to think positively ; this would be great ! " Attention , passengers , please stay calm . " Even though I was panicking myself inside , I was required to say this . " We are all going to die ! " yelled some random passenger . I didn 't bother trying to argue because I was thinking that , too . Apparently the fog was way too thick to see through , and that was causing the plane to shake . " While I see what the problem is , we will be serving some delicious cookies , feel free to help yourselves , " I stated calmly . Then I sprinted to the pilot 's quarters to see what was wrong . Aha ! I 'd found it : the airplane 's control box and various gears . I had no idea what I was doing . I wasn 't even surprised when the plane started jerking in different directions ; I had done something all right . It felt like the plane was flying itself , and with a loud crash , we landed , and everybody was curious about the situation . I made it to the door , lifted up the handle , and push hard on the steel door . " Wow , " I said in awe . We had somehow flown through the fog to another place . It didn 't seem believable , but it totally was ! It was beyond anything I 'd seen before . " Thank you . Thank you , it was nothing , " sang out a familiar voice : Captain Roger , . I decided I 'd let him have his moment , but I knew what I had done ! It will be hard to describe the most fantastic experience of my life , but I will try to explain . I am going sky diving over the ocean ! I could see nothing but a blue mass of water for as far as the eye could see . I could not believe that I was about to go and jump out of a helicopter and free fall all of the way down into the water . I started to feel queasy and nervous like my life was about to end . I started to wonder if I had made the right decision about doing this . In the back of the helicopter , I could see the staff demonstrating how to use the pull cord on the parachute . So I listened to the instructor as well . Once I had learned how to pull the cord on my parachute , I had to put on my parachute pack and get ready to jump . One kid just could not behave so he had to wait to jump . While I was waiting for my turn , I ate some delicious chocolate chip cookies with milk . They tasted as good as if you had never eaten in weeks and you just had your first bite to eat . Then I snapped back to reality and realized that it was time for me to jump . I felt nervous and scared , but I knew that could do it . I put on my parachute and got ready to jump . I counted to three and set flight into the air . I felt a cold breeze of air zip by my face like lightning . I felt lighter than air and felt like I could fly . " This is beyond amazing , " I told myself . It was life changing ! I felt like I could defy gravity and float up and touch the stars . It was just the beginning of the delightful feeling of sky diving . I fell down some more ; then I opened my parachute . The parachute puffed up and caught my fall . I floated down softly , and I could see all around me . I was kind of scared because my parachute was the only thing that was holding me , but it was all right and besides , I was having a great time . I knew that I could depend on my parachute . This is the type of situation where a person started to think about his beliefs about what happened after he died . The ground was approaching fast , and I could not remember what the instructor told me about how to land . I thought about what the instructor had said right before our departure , but I just could not remember how to land . All of a sudden , my parachute got caught in a tree and it tore ! I hit the ground with a thump , and I knew that I would have a bump the size of a benign tumor on my left arm . I thought that the sky diving company would deduct my deposit for the torn parachute , but in my defense , it was the first time I had gone sky diving . I was okay , and the instructor told me not to worry about the torn parachute . I thought about my first experience sky diving and it was hardly believable . I had a great time ! There was a man named Reese Hersheys . He owned the number one chocolate factory in Maine . It was called the Chocolate Bar and was located on Milky Way Street . It had the most delicious , delightful chocolate I had ever tasted . It is hard to describe the rich , smooth , melt - in - your mouth flavor . It is beyond anything I have ever tasted . When the store first opened , in the beginning , I went to the factory store about every month . Then I started to depend on the creamy chocolate . My mom said that I would behave in a crazy manner without my creamy goodness . So my mom had this great ( NOT ) idea that she would deduct money from my allowance to pay for my candy . that was beyond belief ! So , I decided to smile benignly and made plans to build my own chocolate factory . One day my friend Sarah and I were walking home from school , and we came across a giant leaf . The size was unbelievable ; it was the size of a pizza ! We wondered what tree it came from because all the trees around us had puny leaves . So we took it home and showed it to my mom , but she couldn 't figure it out . My mom suggested that we deliver the enormous leaf to the nature museum downtown . The people there were going to determine what tree it came from . A couple weeks later when I was eating a delicious piece of pizza , the phone rang . It was the an employee of the nature museum . He said that the museum 's experts deliberated for a long time , and they still couldn 't find out what type of tree the leaf was from . It was still a mystery . The next day Sarah and I brought the leaf to my delightful neighbor who knew a lot about plants and trees . She was benign and helped us with whatever we needed . She said the colossal leaf was from a rare tree called the Cacula . She had only seen one other leaf like this , and it was from this rare tree . She warned us never to put this leaf near to laundry detergent because if detergent touches the leaf , it will ruin the extraordinary color of the leaf . I am definitely keeping this leaf forever . I will bequeath this leaf to my children . It was awesome finding this odd leaf . My neighbor said that there were only ten trees producing leaves like this in the world . So my friend and I designed an environmental conservation program to make sure the Cacula trees didn 't go extinct . Yesterday , I got off the bus and started to walk home . When I got home , I asked my mom if I could go to my friend 's house . My mom had to make a decision about whether I was allowed to go . I was waiting so anxiously . After she made her decision , she said , " Yes , but you have to be on your best behavior . " I was delighted . I made my departure from home and had to walk to my friend 's house . As I walked up to the door , I was beyond excited . I went to the door and knocked three times . My friend greeted me , and we went upstairs . We decided to play a board game and first , we went to the cupboard with games , and my friend described all the games . She demonstrated a game first and then we played . In the beginning , I was winning , but then she caught up with me . At the end of the game , we went downstairs and ate a banana split . It was the best banana split ever . It was delicious ! I went to the window and saw a soccer ball , and I thought it would be a good idea to play soccer . My friend liked the idea , so we went outside , and I played defense , and she played offense . It was a lot of fun . |
About five years ago , I was caught in an impossible situation where there were no good choices I could make . Someone or something was going to suffer , no matter what I did . It had haunted me since and not a week as passed that I did not think of it . I got the call from one of my favorite DNR officers asking if I would take a bobcat kitten . It was about six to ten weeks old and healthy . Some young boys had discovered the den in the woods with the kitten playing outside while the mother was gone . They decided it would make a good pet , chassed it down and captured it . Why their mother did not realize the horror of what they had done and immediately send them back , I don 't know . I try to give her the benefit of a doubt and not judge her , but all I can think is that she had no respect for wildlife , our environment … or her child 's safety . The children kept the cat for several days , treating it like a toy and letting their friends handle and play with it . The cat did what was natural to instinct . It bit ; it clawed and tried to get away . Because the boys and their family bragged about what they had done , word soon got to the authorities . The DNR was sent to rescue the cat . The mother was more than ready to relinquish it . When they called me , I had to stop and think about taking it in . A bobcat kit is a huge undertaking . In the beginning , they are like any other kitten , cute as hell , playful and absolutely loveable . The problems start when you realize that this is a wild animal and not a house cat . The first thing you notice is that instead of a 16 ounce ten week old kitten , its three to four pounds . Next you discover the teeth . They aren 't tiny little milk teeth ; they are teeth capable of ripping apart the rabbits that the mother cat brings home . They have claws to match . I once saw a photo of someone who tried keeping bobcats as pets and they had shredded her furniture and trailer walls like no house cat could by sharpening their claws . Once you get past the teeth and claws , you have to decide just how you are going to teach this cat to live in the wild . Oh sure , they have innate instincts to fall back on , but they also will lose their fear of humans and start going for easy prey like small dogs and house cats . Bobcats absolutely love chicken . People keep chickens in their back yards . A cat with no fear of humans will automatically head for the nearest chicken coop . He doesn 't care if it 's a commercial operation or someone 's pet hens . They are opportunistic feeders , if it 's in their way and not bigger than them , they will eat it . Just this year , I lost 5 baby peacocks to a young bobcat who thought I was running a buffet line just for him . The teeth and claws didn 't bother me ; I have enough scars from wildlife that no one would notice any new ones . The feeding , I could handle , I have chicken and rabbit in the freezer and it would be like a garbage disposal for any animals that came in to injured to save that had been euthanized . Eventually though , I would have to work up to live food , but that is one of the tougher parts of this job that you simply have to face . It was the housing that set me back a bit . Bobcat kittens stay with their mother for 9 to 10 months . Starting out in a snug den , they remain there for the first few months , never straying more than a few yards from the opening ( unless nasty little boys intervene ) . After that , they travel with their mother within her approximately 5 to 10 square mile territory . Since bobcats are generally solitary animals unless it is mating season , the kit may never see another cat during this period . First , the mother makes the kill while the kittens are watching and then gradually teaches them to hunt on their own . The rest of the cat 's life should be spent deep in the woods hunting rabbits , birds , wood rats and the occasional slow squirrel or fawn . Nine months … that 's a long time to keep a cat contained . Yes , it would be a major undertaking to raise this cat to the age where it could be released , but I was more than willing to take on the responsibility . A bobcat is a magnificent animal and is a species that deserves to be kept at healthy population numbers . It would be a lot of work and expensive , but I expected that . What I didn 't expect was what would happen the first time I looked into that kitten 's eyes . Two Officers came to the house with the cat in a crate in the back of their truck . They donned elbow length leather welders gloves , just to move the crate . ( What Was I getting myself into ? ) The crate was set next to the prepared cage on my studio table and uncovered . There , cowering in the back corner was the most beautiful cat I had ever seen . Still with its kitten speckles and huge eyes turning from baby blue to golden yellow , it stared at me . A low hiss and growl emitted from its throat . The officers offered their gloves and backed up . I declined . If this cat was to be with me for the next 8 months , it was going to have to get used to my smell , my voice , my touch . I started talking to the kitten in a soothing voice , it looked to be closer to the six week side and I hoped it still had milk teeth . It didn 't know how to sheath its claws yet , so I had a full view of that formidable weapon . I kept talking . Pretty soon its ears rose from their laid - back - against - the - head position . It was listening . Quietly , I opened the door . I thought I heard a gasp from behind me . It snarled a bit when the door opened , and we gained full sight of the teeth . They were big . They were sharp . I hoped they would not be soon sunk an inch deep in my bare hand . I laid my hand in the bottom of the cage a few inches from the cat . It seemed like forever , but finally , it sniffed . I fervently hoped my fingers no longer smelled like the chicken sandwich I had for lunch . Obviously they didn 't and the cat sat near my hand looking at me . Oh dear God , those eyes ! Everything wild and beautiful was in those eves . No longer clouded by fear , they drew me in and never let me go . Even now , I still see them in my mind . Slowly , I reached up and stroked the cat 's leg with one finger . It accepted the touch . I moved further till I was stroking the cat gently . This time I definitely heard gasps from the gentlemen behind me . Still ignoring everything else in the room and putting my total focus on the cat , I reached in with both hands and slowly picked it up . It tensed and hissed , but made no move to fight back . I drew the kitten out , held it to my chest and it mewed as if I was its mother . My heartbeat returned to normal as I checked to see if it was a male or female . It was a little girl . Its name would be Barbra . After I placed Barbra in her new roomier cage with climbing shelves , fuzzy blankets and a stuffed bunny , I turned to look at the two officers . Their eyes were wide and their mouths open . I worked with the cat for several days , gaining its trust and handling it . Within a few days , it was a playful as any kitten and just as content . As Barbra settled in , she gained nearly a half pound in the first week . Things were working out . Then one morning before I was even out of bed , I received a call from the DNR in Lansing . A friend of one of the young boys had been bitten by the cat while it was still their captive . Even though the bite was no worse than any from a house cat and showed no signs of infection or problems , the woman heard that a " friend of a friend of a friend from somewhere in Georgia or maybe North Carolina " had been bitten by a rabid bobcat . True , bobcats attacks of humans are almost unheard of unless the cat is infected with rabies or other problems , but this is northern Michigan and rabies is almost nonexistent in anything but a small number of bats . It didn 't matter , days later ; she took her son to the doctor for the almost healed , miniscule bite . By law , the doctor is required to report all animal bites to the health department . If it is a domestic animal , it will be confined for a period of time and if nothing is amiss , all is well . If it is a wild animal that can be captured , it is killed and the head removed and sent to Lansing . There it is cut open and a black light is held over the brain . If it fluoresces ( glows ) , the animal is infected and the person must begin the series of Rabies antibody injections . If the brain is clear , then there is no chance of rabies and the animal was killed for nothing . They wanted me to turn over the cat . In my opinion , the boys deserved the three injections that would be required … preferably with a dull needle . Even though the officer agreed , the law is the law . He would send someone to come for the cat that afternoon . Then began my agony . How could I turn this animal that had learned to trust me over to be killed ? My whole goal is to preserve life , not destroy it unnecessarily . We all know the cat was healthy , the 14 day waiting period was past , but the law is the law and must be obeyed . I thought about hiding the cat and telling them it had escaped , but it would probably cost me my license to rehabilitate and who would help the animals then ? I thought about telling them that it died , but that would be a lie and they would want the remains anyway . My morality and my soul were battling , yet all along , I knew what the choice would be . I would betray the cat to preserve my own moral code . I fed Barbra extra that morning . I warmed her milk and spent extra time wrestling with her and her bunny . At noon , I closed her cage and walked away . I couldn 't bear to look into those eyes any longer . She could feel something was wrong and I did not want my tension and sadness to affect her . Four times in my life , I have experienced true and total heartbreak . Not the kind where you break up with your boyfriend and cry for a week , heartbreak . This is the heartbreak that becomes a part of your very soul and haunts you in your dreams . An officer I had never met came to retrieve the cat at precisely one o ' clock in the afternoon . I was outside moving rocks the size of my head and as I tossed one aside to shake his hand , he looked a little nervous . I 'm sure he suspected something of the inner struggle I had gone through to turn over the cat and he wanted to get it over as quickly as possible . He was no more comfortable with what needed to be done than I . We went in the studio and he saw Barbra , she hissed and growled at him as he got out his leather gloves . I told him it would not be necessary . I 'd put her in the carrier for him . She came to me willingly and licked my face as I held her . I told her I was sorry , so very , very sorry and wished that her next life would be long and healthy and abundant with slow , fat bunnies . She looked into my eyes as if she somehow understood and forgave me . It didn 't make it easier . Weeks later , I received a letter that the report had come from Michigan State University and the brain was clear . Just as we all knew it would be . More than anything I wanted to find those little boys and their mother and say " see ! Look what happens when you interfere with nature ! You caused this ! A beautiful animal is dead because of your ignorance and stupidity ! " Of course , I couldn 't . The boys and their mother never knew the suffering they caused . I doubt they would have cared . They broke the law and faced no consequences . I held to the law and my heart was broken . A year or so later I was to face another crisis and suffer at the hands of the law . I realized that truth meant nothing , laws don 't apply to everyone equally and there is no justice in our system . My faith in our judicial system was completely destroyed . I ask myself now ; would I make the same decision ? Would I follow my moral code even though it means nothing to the rest of the world ? Yes . I would . I would do the same and betray the cat to tell the truth . It 's the only way I know . It 's the only way I live . It 's mid October and I was in the middle of planning a dinner for 40 people and getting ready for a trip to California . The past four weeks had been tied up in fundraisers that required everything from collecting scrap metal , peeling the aluminum off of discarded windows to recycle and crawling through a mountain of trash and mouse poop , to retrieve 1012 returnable soda bottles . It was raining torrents and I was trying to both shop for the dinner and pick up some things for the trip . My cell phone rang . It was the DNR . My favorite officer again , otherwise I 'd have let it go to voice mail with the rest of the day 's calls . He had a cat . A small cat , he said , Only 10 or 15 pounds . It had been struck by a car and he thought it had a broken leg . It was pretty groggy and in a crate in the back of his truck . Could I take it and find a vet to treat it . Getting a veterinarian to treat wildlife is never an easy feat . Getting one to treat a bobcat could really be a challenge . Vets don 't get paid for treating wildlife , many of them won 't even allow them in their clinics , a special certification is required to treat them and not many are willing to obtain it . I try not to bother vets with little things . Just because I work for free , doesn 't mean I expect them to . I know rehabbers who will actually take a chipmunk to the vet and expect them to treat it . Maybe that 's the reason willing vets are so hard to find . When I do find a good one , they are a treasure . If the cat did indeed , have a broken leg , and it was young , then it might be treatable . Rather than transfer the cat to my car and cause more trauma , I told the officer to sit tight and I 'd call him back so he could directly drop the cat off with the vet . This way I could finish my grocery shopping and make the medical appointment I had on time . I 'd check in at the vet as soon as I was done . I ran to the nearest vet that I knew to be wildlife friendly . Their orthopedic man only worked one day a week and this wasn 't it . They gave me a list of names and numbers so I didn 't have to go home and get mine . Sitting in the rainy parking lot , I called vet after vet . It seemed like I was chasing the ortho man from clinic to clinic . Finally , I got to one who not only had x - ray equipment on site , but also did orthopedic work . In a brilliant stroke of luck , he also had the necessary certification for wildlife and … . he was willing to treat the cat ! Awesome ! Even better his office would be on my way home . The officer was called and directions were relayed to drop the little cat off at the veterinary clinic . Feeling pretty smug , I went back , finished my shopping , made my appointment ( on time ) and even took a breather for a cup of coffee . On the way home , I called to check on the cat . " Ummm , 10 to 15 pounds " , I answered . " It 's just a youngster isn 't it ? I distinctly heard laughter in the background . Since I was almost to the clinic , I hung up and figured I 'd sort things out when I got there . Still raining , I was soaked to the bone and stood dripping in the entry while they went for the doctor . He guided me into the back recovery room and pointed to a large wire dog crate . I noted that every seam was reinforced by wire zip ties . Still knocked out by the anesthesia was the biggest bobcat I had ever seen . He completely filled the crate and his short little tail was sticking through the bars . I 'm afraid I said some very dirty words . The vet explained that the cat , now identified as a male , had no broken bones or detectable internal injuries , but did have a mild concussion . He wasn 't sure how long the cat would be out as wildlife frequently reacts differently to anesthesia than domestics . Looking at the cat , I fervently hoped it would be a few more hours , at least . They had weighed the cat and instead of 15 pounds , it was six ounces shy of 40 . An average full grown male bobcat is 25 to 30 pounds , tops . ( Another dirty word slipped from my lips ) What cage did I have that would hold a cat like this when it woke up ? We looked at the x - rays on the screen and the vet pointed out several bits of buckshot , well healed over , in the cat 's shoulder . So , this was not his first run in with humans ! Then he asked me how old I thought the cat might be . The best way of aging a wild cat is by the wear on its teeth , the condition of it ears ( old male cats have battle scars ) and its claws . Praying the cat was still unconscious and not faking ; I lifted its head and pulled back the lips . The teeth were gleaming white , none broken , no sign of wear . The canines were at least two inches long . ( I suddenly thought of saber tooth tigers . ) Squeezing the paws to expose the claws , I saw they were also in perfect condition . There wasn 't a nick or scratch on the ears . This was a cat in his prime and he obviously hadn 't the need to fight for the females . They probably took one look at his handsome visage and fell at his feet . Once again in the pouring rain , I had to move all the groceries to make room for the large crate . It took three of us to wrestle it into the back of my PT Cruiser and lean on the door to close it . I admit , I drove home in a bit of a daze . I was expecting a large house cat ; I was bringing home a lion . This would not go over easily with my husband . It didn 't . I called him out to see the " kitty " as I called it . He blanched . He said even more dirty words than I had when I saw it . I told him I had it all figured out . We could put together my largest , strongest dog cage and then put it inside the fawn pen next to the house ( I 'd have preferred it IN the house , but I do give in occasionally ) . The fawn pen of course , would have to be reinforced with hog panels and every zip tie we owned . He was not convinced . What followed was an ugly hour and a half of putting the cage together ( in the rain ) only to find it would not fit through the door of the pen . We took it apart and tried to reassemble it at least three times wrong . I kept running to the car to check the cat 's respiration and reflexes to see if it was waking up . I stroked its head and one eye opened . We were running out of time . It rained harder . We slogged through the mud retrieving hog panels from the garden and turkey pen . We ran out of zip ties and used coat hangers . Finally the pen was as secure as we could make it and we hauled the cage with the sleepy cat into the pen . Now , how the hell were we going to get him from one cage to the other ? My brave husband , in his desire to protect me from the unconscious cat , volunteered to slide him from one to the other . He reached in and grabbed the cat by the scruff of the neck and … it was done . The cat was fine where he was and we were late for our respective martial arts classes . We changed into wonderfully dry uniforms and headed in opposite directions . To this day , I am not sure that Sifu believed that I was late for Kung Fu class because I was tending to a 40 pound bobcat . All he would have needed to do was sniff me . I distinctly smelled like bobcat … . so did my car . By evening , the cat was awake and not exactly in a good mood . As any animal coming out of anesthesia , he couldn 't quite figure out why his legs wouldn 't work and everything was blurry . I imagine he had a headache the size of Texas too . After my husband went to bed ( he was still convinced that the cat was going to escape and eat us in our sleep ) I entered the pen and sat by the cage . There was some hissing and growling , but somehow I knew , unequivocally , that this cat was never going to hurt me . I looked into its eyes for any glimmer of the kitten I had given up . Was it her , come back to forgive me ? Was she offering me a second chance ? Even if it wasn 't her , I knew that this cat had come for a reason . Redemption . This was my chance to make up for what I had done . How many times in life , do we do something we regret ? A callus remark , an opportunity passed by , a road not taken , if we have a conscience , these things often haunt us . A wise man learns from these events and moves on , vowing never to do them again . But … how often do we get the chance to correct them ? How often can we make up for them and truly redeem ourselves ? This was my moment . I couldn 't save the kitten , but I would save the cat . I vowed that even if it cost my trip to California , I would stay till he was ready to go . The next week was spent tending to the cat . There was some mild spinal trauma , so it rarely stood as it should . A bobcat 's natural reaction to people is to retreat . This is why they almost never attack people . When I was younger , I rescued a bobcat from a leg hold trap set for fox and mink . My friend the trapper was simply going to kill it , but I pitched such a fit with crying and threats that he told me if I could get it out of the trap , he would let it go . I used a long stick and as the cat retreated away from me as far as it could , I pressed the release on the trap with the stick . Being a very light trap , it didn 't take much and the cat bounded away , not much worse for wear . It never even tried to swat at me . It was much the same with this cat . As soon as I would enter the pen , he would back to the corner , there would be growls and hisses and he 'd slap his front paws on the floor of the cage . I began to notice that the claws were never extended . Every time I brought him a piece of rabbit ( my freezer is pretty full of rabbit ) , he seemed to calm down even more . I would sit or stand by his cage and talk to him . Soon the hissing and growling stopped with me . If anyone else approached within to feet of the pen , he would still threaten to tear them to pieces . The fawns ( well , now grown deer ) were still coming to the door each morning for their bottles and I was concerned how they would react to a natural predator being in such close quarters . But as with everything else in this yard , they somehow seemed to understand that he posed no more threat than the chickens pecking about their feet . It is the magic of this place . I don 't understand it , but I don 't question it either . By the end of the week , the cat was standing properly . There was still a bit of weakness in one front paw , but it appeared to only be a sprain . Someone brought a cottontail to me that had been struck by a car . It did not survive , so we gave it to the cat . First he slept with it , and then devoured half of it . He was getting fat and lazy and I didn 't want his , now healed muscles to atrophy from lack of use . He was healthy . It was time for him to go . The night before I left for California we decided to release him . Since he had been shot and struck by a car in his former range , we decided that a more remote location might be prudent . There is a large tract of swamp we knew of , where the nearest paved road or house with chickens was miles away and across a river . ( Bobcats do NOT like to swim ) . Being the biggest boy on the block , he would have no problem with rivals for territory . It was the perfect place . We got a pair of six foot poles to fit through the bars so we would not have to put our fingers too close to those gleaming teeth . We were ready . We inserted to poles , the cat was definitely NOT happy . The teeth marks in my kung fu staff bear witness to that fact . As we attempted to back out of the fawn pen , we remembered … . the cage wouldn 't fit through the door . Luckily it did , if we removed the door . The next surprise was that the cage was ½ inch higher that the taillight on the truck topper . We couldn 't get it in the back of the truck . Ok , I decided he could ride on the tailgate with the door of the topper and several straps holding it in place . I didn 't want him getting the dust from the road or being frightened by the trees whizzing by , so I covered the front of the cage with a tarp . My husband loved this idea ; he felt it would prevent the cat from remembering the way home and again … eating us in our sleep . I can only imagine why we looked like . Somewhat of a circus wagon , I suspect . The cat was only visible to cars if they passed us in either direction , but they did it very slowly and stared . Our neighbors took it all in stride . Not much surprises them about me anymore , so they simply waved as we drove down the road with a huge wild beast tied in the back of the truck . We drove as carefully as possible over seasonal roads and two tracks to reach our destination . Each bump and jostle upset the cat anew and he did what any male cat does when it is frightened . It sprayed . It sprayed streams of jet propelled urine into the back of the truck . It also passed about 4 pounds of digested rabbit through the cage bars . When we stopped and took off the tarp , we both gagged . The cat was fine . Setting the cage down and removing the poles once more ( more teeth marks in my poor fighting staff ) , we argued about opening the door . My husband was positive that the cat would come charging out and eat at least one of us on the way . I was not afraid . I knew that this cat understood what was going on and would not attack anyone , least of all me . I opened the door and stepped back . The cat stood there . I tried coaxing him with promises of freedom . He lay down . For a moment I considered grabbing his bunny half and throwing it into the brush hoping that he would go after it , but I realized I wanted to see California with two arms . This would take some tough love . I poked him gently with the staff . He looked at me . My husband got his staff and poked again . This was a different story . The cat turned and snarled with a sound that sent chills up and down our backs . We crossed the sticks and gave a little shove . The cat backed to the door , still attacking the staffs . Then his back paw touched the grass on the outside of the cage . There was a look of utter surprise in its eyes as it whirled around to see that it was free . Before we could even breathe , the cat bounded off into the brush . We could hear the crashing of his progress . He didn 't go far . I could feel him watching us from some autumn olive off to our left . There are times , when I feel a connection to nature and its children so deeply ; it is if I am a very part of it . I saw us through the cats golden eyes . I felt its joy at being free . I could smell the scents as it took stock of it new home . I felt its gratitude and being given a second chance at life . I heard it whisper … . " redemption " . Then it was gone . We emptied the cage as best we could and planned on bleaching and scrubbing it before taking it apart for storage . Retracing our trail through the woods , we emerged into the sunlight and civilization once more . It was hard to believe that I would be on a jet plane headed for the city just hours after I had been in the heart of a magnificent wild beast . I only hope that my husband received even just a piece of what that cat gave me . I 'm at peace with the kitten now . I know that the bobcat spirit has forgiven me and watches over and guides me when I am in the wild . More important … . I have forgiven myself . I have been redeemed . Oct3 Today is one of those days where I am struck by the total randomness of life . Oh , I know there are going to be people who will insist that it is all planed and that everything has a reason and God puts obstacles in our lives so we can grow . The worst of the platitudes , I think , is that God is testing us . Sorry , I can 't buy any of that anymore . Shit happens . No good , no evil . Just shit happening all the time . If we are lucky , it 's good shit . If we aren 't , well , we have two choices … deal with it or not . This is life . The past month has not been easy . Ups and downs like a roller coaster , one where you don 't know if it is finished at the end or you will go hurtling into space . Today , I got handed a cup of lousy shit . I woke up to the sun with an unusual amount of pain ( even for me ) Cramps so bad last night that it tore muscles in my thigh and left bruises . But it was sunny and warm and It would be a lite day of Dr 's appointments and physical therapy . The canning was caught up and I thought maybe I could get some sewing done before tonight 's class . I was even running on time for a change . Then I looked for the deer to give them their morning bottle . Three were outside the window and as the fourth came up I could see that it was dragging a badly broken leg . A deer hardly ever gets a minor break . Their beautiful delicate legs break in two . Only a flap of skin was holding it on . Not a vet , not a surgeon , not even the God people pray to , could fix it . My heart dropped , my stomach rolled and I ran in to vomit . None of this helped the doe now lying under the forsythia bush . I needed to take action . I called my husband to see if he could put her down . After so much time close to these animals , I 'm just not sure I could do it unless there was no other choice . He told me to go to my appointment and he would come home and take care of it . I wanted to give her one last bottle , but Nosey has always been the shy one and she struggled to her feet . I was afraid that she would leave the yard and James wouldn 't be able to find her . she might suffer alone in the woods till some thing killed and ate her . I didn 't want it to end that way . I opened the gates and called the others for their bottles . Nosey came in the yard , but would not eat . She lay near the chicken coop and the others went to be with her . I said goodbye as best as one ever can and said a prayer for her next life . She was still there when my husband came home shortly after . He dispatched her as gently as he could and buried her . I thought later that we should have taken her body to the woods and left it to feed other animals . It seems somehow disrespectful , to simply put her in the ground . I went to my appointments and when I was alone in the car , it hit me . She had struggled to get back home to me . Even with the excruciating pain of her broken leg , she came HOME . She trusted me to fix her or free her from pain . So many of the animals that I have raised , have come home mortally injured or ill , just to die where they felt safe . I had a goose once , who came as a baby with a broken wing . When it was grown , I drove it to a pond not far away , where I knew it would have open water and other geese for company . It lived there for two years until one day , I found it standing patiently by the gate . I let him in and he went to his favorite spot and settled down . I found it near its untouched food and water dish two days later . Its head was tucked under its wing like it was sleeping , but it wasn 't . It had died in the night . Did it know it was dying ? Was that why it came home ? I never saw any indication of illness when it came , yet it walked over a mile to get back home to die . Home , that magical place where you live … . and hope to die peacefully surrounded by what you love . If animals can indeed love , then there must be love for me , just as I have for them . This unnatural , cross species connection we have , somehow lasts . In whatever memory they possess , there is an indelible spot for me and for home . As I cried in the car I thought , I can 't do this any more . It just hurts too bad . Someone else can take over and deal with all the blood and shit and death . I want out . The rest of the day was not as sunny , or so it seemed to me . It passed in a cold fog and I functioned only as needed or expected . Then tonight , in the middle of Karate class , someone brought me a shoebox with a very tiny , very cold baby squirrel . I sat with it in my hands as it warmed and began to nuzzle and lick my thumbs . We made soft little squirrel sounds to each other and it fell asleep when I tucked it in my pocket . It sucked down the warm milk when we got home and I wondered how this would end . I don 't care . It will end as it will end . It all begins with home and it grows with love and a chance for life and freedom in the wild . But always , there will be home and there will be someone to take away their pain . I 'm not going anywhere … . no matter what shit comes my way . |
Format : NovelChapters : 52Word Count : 331 , 198Status : WIPRating : MatureWarnings : Strong Language , Strong Violence , Scenes of a Sexual Nature , Substance Use or Abuse , Contains Spoilers Genres : Drama , Romance , Action / Adventure Characters : Harry , Ron , Hermione , Hagrid , McGonagall , Shacklebolt , Arthur , Molly , Ginny , OtherCanon Pairings : Harry / Ginny , Lucius / Narcissa , Ron / Hermione , Neville / Luna First Published : 05 / 04 / 2008Last Chapter : 04 / 06 / 2012Last Updated : 04 / 06 / 2012Summary : The End of the Beginning This story picks up from where book number seven left off . Harry 's still having problems controlling his power and his emotions . With the help of the Weasley family , will he be able to get himself under control before the next threat comes to endanger his one and only love ? Reviews are welcomed , if you wouldn 't mind . Thanks . Harry stood there with his hand on one of the post at the foot of his bed . He stood there , thinking of all that had happened since his first night at Hogwarts . Coming to a decision , he took our his wand , pointed it at his bed for the last six years , closed his eyes and cast the last spell that he would in that room . " May whoever has the good fortune to get this bed have a safe , fun , and successful seven years here , " Harry whispered as he turned and stepped through the door for the last time . When he reached the common room , he saw that all of the furniture had been pushed off to one side . " Harry ! Come on . We 're doing one last picture of everyone in Gryffindor , " Denis Creevey called to him . He stepped forward and was pulled into the center of the group to stand next to Ginny . Hermione was next to her and Ron stood next to her . The portrait portal opened and Luna came in with a fairly large camera that she had borrowed from her father for this one picture . Luna pointed the camera at them and said , " Say peas . " All of the students in the picture said peas at one time . A great flash of light gave everyone there , blue dots in front of their eyes but everyone had smiles on their faces . The seventh year students started to move toward the portrait portal , when all of the rest of Gryffindor house started to clap . It had been started by Bonnie and quickly picked up by the rest of the house . It was their way of telling the senior class how they felt about them . The students that were leaving stopped and looked back at this group of students giving them a round of applause . Hermione broke down , with tears in her eyes , as well as several others , including Ron . Harry came down the last stairway with his arm around Ginny . He looked into the Great Hall , one more time , to say his goodbyes . When he went to step toward the main door , he was intercepted by Kreacher , " What does Master wish Kreacher to do ? Shall I stay here or come to Grimmauld Place ? " he asked . Harry thought for a minute , " Why don 't you stay here and help out with getting the school ready for the next term . I 'll call you when I need you . I 'm going to spend some time with Ginny at the Burrow , " he informed his elf . Seconds later , four columns of house elves came up the stairs from the kitchen . Winky came forward and bowed . " We wish to thank Harry Potter for everything he 's done for us . We want him to know that he will always find friends here at Hogwarts if he should ever need us , " she told him as she bowed . The rest of the elves joined her and for a second Harry , Ginny , Hermione , and Ron were looking at the entire house elf staff of Hogwarts giving their farewell respects to them . Harry stepped forward and bowed in return . The elves stepped towards him and merely touched his hands , arms , or hip . They then , silently filed back down the stairs , leaving the four students in stunned awe . " Harry , I see great things in your future . Stay with this young lady , she will give you great happiness , " Sybil told him as she shook his hand vigorously . " Thank you , professor . That 's just what I intend on doing , " Harry told her as he stepped away , down the stairs . Hagrid wrapped his arms around Harry and hoisted him completely off of the ground . Harry put his arms around Hagrid 's neck and held on . Of everyone here he would miss his conversations and time spent with his large but so gentle friend . Hagrid put him down and patted him on the head . He turned to Ginny and lifting her off the ground with his hands and gave her a whisker filled kiss on the cheek . He placed his hand on Hermione 's shoulder and patted Ron on the back so hard that he almost knocked him down . He waved them off before he would break down and cry in front of everyone there . Harry and Ginny had taken only a few steps when the two first year students intercepted them . There were no words spoken , Daniel threw his arms around Harry 's waist and gave him a hug as a younger brother would his older sibling when the elder was going off to school or war . Bonnie came over and gave Harry a hug as well . Harry picked her up and gave her a kiss on the cheek . " Don 't forget we expect the two of you to join us the week of July 23rd . Enjoy your summer . Remember Daniel , what we spoke about the other night , " Harry told him without elaborating more on what had been said . " You have my word , Harry . You remember what I asked you , " Daniel said as he stepped away and wrapped his arm around Bonnie 's waist . The two friends nodded to each other as the older students stepped toward the main gate of the school . The next empty carriage came up and stopped for them to get in . The thestral walked them slowly away from the castle that had been their home for the last seven years . They had only gone half way to the Hogsmeade train station when they spotted a large group of centaurs standing off at the edge of the woods . As one , all of the centaurs raised their bows and let a flight of arrows loose . Hermione , Ron , and Ginny ducked down as the arrows fell upon them . Harry sat there without flinching . Every one of the arrows fell around the carriage and thestral without touching anyone . Harry watched as Bane lifted his bow over his head in salute to Harry . Diana was standing next to her mother , waving as vigorously as she could . Harry just raised his hand to acknowledge the honor that had just been bestowed upon him . The centaurs turned and faded into the dark of the forest that they called their home . " We were safe . Don 't you remember at Dumbledore 's funeral ? They did the same thing . I saw then , that their aim is always dead on . It has to be , when it 's the way that you feed your family , " Harry pointed out , as the carriage reached the train station . When they were all about to climb aboard the Hogwarts Express , Ginny turned and looked back at the castle , in the distance . " I wonder when we 'll ever come back to visit , " she said in a soft wistful voice . " We 'll come back and visit whenever you 'd like , " Harry told her as he closed the door to the train car that they would travel home in . Once all of the rest of the students had boarded the train from the school , it started off on the last trip that the four of them would take as students . Harry knew that a few students were going to stay with their parents in Hogsmeade for the summer and that they had not gone to the train station with the others . Where ever they were , Harry wished them good luck , as the castle faded from view . As the train made its way back towards London , Hermione cleared her throat and caught Harry 's attention . " I have to ask you something Harry . The other day , when Rachael and Greg got married , I saw you step to the door and point your wand at the clouds . Within a few minutes the sky cleared up . I didn 't know that wizards had the power to influence weather . How did you do it ? " she asked . " I tried to cast as powerful of a warming spell as I could . To be honest with you , I think that it was just coincidence that the rain stopped . I don 't think that I have the ability to affect weather . The best that I could have done would be to cause the rain to warm up a bit , " Harry admitted . Ginny stood up as the train was about to reach the station in London . Her jaw dropped opened when she saw the huge crowd of people waiting on the platform for the train to arrive . She took Harry by the arm and pulled him into the corridor so that he wouldn 't see what was awaiting them until the last second . The Express bumped to a stop within minutes . The compartment doors were flung open and Harry walked out into the awaiting crowd . The assembly parted to allow the students of Hogwarts to step away from the train . When Harry moved forward he was met by Minister Shacklebolt and several members of the aurors department . The Minister handed the letter to Harry as the crowd on the platform became silent in anticipation . Harry slit the envelope opened and pulled the folded piece of parchment out . Ginny wrapped her arm around his waist and read the grades along with Harry . Except for Transfiguration , he had Outstanding for all of the other grades . He received an Exceeds Expectations for the Transfiguration grade . Harry stood there with his mouth hanging open . He knew that he had done well on the test but he had no idea that they were this good . " Well Harry I can 't see any difficulty with your request to join the Auror 's department . I 'll expect to see you in my office at nine tomorrow morning , " Mr . Proudfoot told him as he shook his hand . " Can 't he have at least a couple of days to rest ? " Ginny asked Kingsley . Kingsley tapped Proudfoot on the upper arm with the back of his fingers . Proudfoot looked at the Minister and relented . " All right , I 'll give him two days . He 'd better be in my office two days from now or I 'll send out a couple of my men to bring him in , " he said in a half joking way . Three of the Aurors there , had had a run in with Harry the night of the awards at the Ministry and had no intention of trying to take him in by force . Each man came forward and offered Harry their hand in congratulations on being accepted onto the force . The crowd opened up as several newspaper photographers and a reporter in a green dress and horn rim glasses stepped forward . " Harry ! How nice to see you again . I wonder if I could have a few words with you about your acceptance onto the Auror 's team , " Rita Skeeter asked , as she took out her quick quote quill . Mr . and Mrs . Weasley were awaiting them near the front door of the station as they usually did on the last day of school . Ginny was engulfed in a major hug from her mother . " We have so much work to do now . We only have a month and a half to plan out all of your wedding , " she whispered into her daughter 's ear . Molly grabbed Harry and gave him his customary hug . She turned and grabbed both Ron and Hermione and held them as well . Harry couldn 't hear what she was saying but what ever it was , made Hermione blush until the tips of her ears glowed red . When Harry reached the main door to the train station his attention was caught by a young man in a neat trench coat standing by the departure gate . " Dudley ! What are you doing here ? It 's good to see you , " Harry greeted his cousin . " Harry I found out that you where coming home today . Mom and Dad didn 't want to come and greet you , but after the last time we were together , I felt that I owed it to you . I know now , how much danger we were in . Dad can 't or won 't see it , but Mom knows . I owe you my life , even after I treated you as badly as I did when we were kids , you and your friends kept us safe . I felt that I had to tell you that , " Harry 's cousin stammered out before he shook Harry 's hand and walked away . Ginny and Harry stood there stunned by what had just happened . Harry watched his cousin step across the street and get into the car that Harry recognized as the old car that his Uncle used to drive . When the car disappeared around the corner , Ginny tugged at Harry 's arm and led him out to the awaiting Ministry car . Within minutes , all of the luggage had been packed into the boot of the car and it was on its way to the Burrow . Harry awoke the next morning to two girls jumping on his bed . The red head wrapped her arms around him and gave him a good morning kiss that made him happy to be alive . The brunet pulled his blanks up and started to tickle his feet . Within seconds , Harry was laughing so hard that he couldn 't talk or move . He finally caught his breath when Hermione went off to awaken Ron with his good morning kiss . " Whatever you want to do , my love , " Harry told her as he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a warm slow kiss . The two of them were interrupted by a clearing of a male 's throat . " If you two are quite done , breakfast is ready downstairs , " Arthur told them before he walked away from the door to Harry 's room . After breakfast Harry and Ginny disapparated to Diagon Ally , so that they could do some window shopping . It was as if all of Hogwarts was there . Harry ran into most of the members of the DA . Ginny stopped to talk with several of her friends that stepped out of one of the shops , as they walked by . Harry walked Ginny over to Madam Malkin 's robe shop . When the proprietress stepped out from behind the counter , Harry gently pushed Ginny forward . " If you remember last year , you had asked if we were here to buy our wedding robes . I had told you at the time that it wasn 't time , but when it was , we would see you . It 's time ! Could you do something nice for this beautiful lady ? " Harry asked her . " Mister Potter , go away , come back in three hours , " she said , as she shooed him away . Harry kissed Ginny and stepped out of the shop . He made his way over to the new ice cream parlour for one of his favorite sundaes . He was joined by several of the Hogwarts students , once he had seated himself . Within twenty minutes , the entire establishment was filled with customers . Everyone had pulled their chairs around him and a fairly loud conversation entertained the other shoppers of Diagon Ally . Some two hours later , Ginny came over and joined them . The boys made a path for her so that she could sit next to her fiancé . The crowd finally broke up as the sun was setting . The last few couples came over and wished the two of them good luck and best wishes on their upcoming wedding . They apparated back to the portal of the Burrow , just as the sun was setting over the western hills . Harry didn 't go in right away , but rather , took Ginny for a walk , as he had done so many times the summer before . Ginny noted how relaxed he was compared to last year . She was about to comment on it when that same squirrel ran across the path again . Harry yanked her behind himself and had his wand in his hand before Ginny could react in any way . " Well , it 's nice to see that you haven 't lost your touch when it comes to squirrels , " Ginny told him as she wrapped her arms around his waist and continued to walk along the path . Harry just gave a nervous chuckle . " Humm , let me think about it , " Ginny said as she looked up at the stars overhead . She glanced down and came eye to eye with two very green eyes . The intensity of Harry 's stare sent a thrill through her entire body . She leaned in , until her forehead was pressed against his . " Yes ! Mister Potter , I will marry you . After all someone has to take care of you . If it 's not me , then you could never be sure that your socks are properly washed now , could you ? " she whispered into his ear . Harry picked Ginny up and carried her into the house . He stopped off in the parlour to say good night to Mom and Dad and then carried her up to her room . He pushed the door opened with his foot and slowly walked over to her bed . Ginny was surprised when Harry placed her on the bed and slid on top of the covers with her . " Harry ? " she only had time to ask as he covered her lips with his . The two of them shared a warm lingering kiss . She softly ran her hands through his hair as he continued to kiss her . After several minutes , Harry pushed himself up on his right elbow and placed his finger on her lips . " Don 't say anything . I just want you to know that you 've become all that 's important to me in this world . I bless the day that we kissed in the Gryffindor common room . I consider myself to be the luckiest man in the world . If I was to die tomorrow , it wouldn 't matter because I know that I 've been blessed by knowing you . I love you , Ginny Weasley . I never want you to forget that , and if I should ever be stupid enough to forget it myself , please remind me . All right ? " he asked her in such a serious manner that she realized how important this one minute in their life was becoming . " Harry , I 've loved you since I 've been five years old . To have you hold me in your arms like this and hear you say that to me , is like a dream come true . I want you to know that you 're the only one that I would ever want to be with . I can 't wait for the next seven weeks to go by so we can exchange our vows , " Ginny told him as she gently kissed his cheek . Harry leaned his head down on her pillow for a few minutes . He slowly pulled away and sat up on the edge of her bed . " Goodnight my love , until the morning , " he whispered as he turned and gave her a last kiss before he went to his own room . Harry walked through the doors of the Auror 's office three minutes before his start time . The Minister was there to greet him and give him a tour around the offices that he would be working out of . Twenty minutes later , Harry was sitting in front of Kingsley 's desk when Mr . Proudfoot came in . " You 're going to be placed in the newest training class that just started . We have ten other students . It 's going to take nine months to a year to get you up to speed . The next two weeks will be conditioning and technique training . When we think that you 're ready , I 'll assign you to one of the older aurors as your senior partner . They will be responsible for refining your techniques in the field and they 'll also be responsible for teaching you how to fill out all of the paper work that 's coming your way , " Proudfoot told him . Mr . Proudfoot walked Harry downstairs to the department that he would be a part of for a very long time . The next half hour was spent with introductions and explanations of the operating procedures for the department . Harry was invited up to the Minister 's office for lunch . When he walked in he found Dad Weasley waiting for him . The three of them had a light conversation as they finished their sandwiches that Molly had prepared for them . " Yes , Harry I think that it 's going to be great having you work here . After all , with you here , I get more of Molly 's great sandwiches , " Kingsley joked . The three men spent another few minutes talking until Harry realized that he was going to be late getting back to the office if he didn 't leave right away . He stepped up and disapparated from the Minister 's office back to the main conference room in his new department . He had no sooner apparated into the room when two men unleashed several spells at him . The first one knocked his wand out of his hand as he pulled it out of his pants leg holster and the second sent him flying backwards . Harry raised his left hand up as a second series of spells were cast at him . Both spells stopped some several centimeters in front of him . With a crack they rebounded at the two attackers . Harry opened his right hand up and his wand jumped back to his hand . He jumped to his feet just as Mr . Proudfoot stepped in and yelled , " Stop ! " " That was very impressive Harry . I stopped you because the only way that your two fellow aurors would test you , is if I promised that you wouldn 't throw a spell back at them . Your reputation for the power of your spells precedes you , " he told him . " Let me introduce you to Mike Kilpatrick , and Paul Pullman . They 'll be two of the instructors that will be working with you until you get out into the field , " Proudfoot told him . Harry came forward and shook hands with the two instructors . The four men made their way to one of the classrooms off of the main corridor for the first of many lessons . " Harry , if you don 't mind , could I ask you where you keep your wand . I noticed that you didn 't have to reach behind yourself to pull it out of your pocket . It was in your hand even with the speed of the spell that I had thrown at you , " Kilpatrick observed . " I had noticed , from an old western movie , that the good guy had a holster on his leg and it made it much faster and easier to pull his weapon out when he needed it . The mother of one of my friends put a holster in each of my pants legs . I can keep my wand at my finger tips all of the time and no one will know where it is until I pull it out , " Harry explained . Paul turned to the other aurors there , " I think that our Mister Potter will be teaching us some new tricks in the next several months . I can 't wait to see what you can really do . What you did back there was impressive , it 's going to be interesting , " he told Harry as they all sat down for a very long meeting about what was still happening with the pseudo death eaters . Harry apparated to the willow tree where Fred 's mausoleum was , he stood there and just looked at the Burrow in the distance . It gave him a sense of calm knowing that the one girl that he loved above all else was waiting there for him . He slowly walked toward the portal . The front door of the Burrow flew open and a red headed girl came charging out to meet him . He caught her and spun her around , as she planted a kiss on him . " Did you miss me ? " she asked with a little pout on her bottom lip . Harry started to laugh at what she was doing . " I 'm sure that all you did today was to sit around and pine for my return , " he kidded her , as he wrapped his arm around her and walked toward the Burrow . Ginny received a letter from the Harpies , asking her to attend a special meeting on the following Monday for a special tryout that Gwenog had set up for her as she had promised . The night before , Ginny was so nervous that Harry took her up and spent almost three hours zooming around the Burrow 's wards . When they finally landed , Harry brought her into the parlour and cuddled up with her on the couch . She drifted off to sleep some time later . Harry carried her up to her room and tucked her in bed for the night . He kissed her on the forehead since he knew that if he kissed her on the lips she would awaken . Ginny was awakened by a soft kiss the next morning . She opened her eyes to find Harry kneeling on the side of her bed . " Good morning sleepyhead , did you sleep well ? " he asked . A flash of fear crossed her eyes when she realized that she would be trying out for the Harpies that morning . She kicked the covers off of herself and sprinted past Harry to the bathroom . He went downstairs when he heard the shower turn on . Some twenty minutes later , Ginny came down the stairs with a towel wrapped around her hair . " Good morning my love , thank you for waking me up this morning , " she said as she kissed him before she sat down to her breakfast . Harry escorted her to the Harpies ' training field . He gave her a kiss and pushed her toward the field where all of the other members of the team where waiting for her . He sat in a small boxed off area and watched as his love joined the others in making a speed lap around the field . The first lap , Ginny was set in the center of the pack keeping even with the rest of the team . When she flew by , Harry yelled for her to kick it into high gear . She tucked her head down and took off on a full tilt race around the field . Within a few seconds the rest of the team fell back since they couldn 't keep up with her on the broom that Harry had purchased for her last summer . After she had blasted around the field for the third time , Gwenog called her in and threw her the Quaffle . Ginny grabbed it without thinking what she was doing and bolted for the nearest goal hoop . The rest of the team members raced after her but she got there first and put the ball through the hoop before anyone could stop her . Ginny impressed them by shooting down and around and catching the Quaffle that she had just thrown . She zoomed back in front of the hoops again and sent it through the second hoop there . All of the members of the team sat on their brooms with an appreciative smile on their faces . Gwenog headed for the center of the field and when all of the members had landed and joined her , she came over to Ginny . " Well Weasley , it seems flying with Potter has made you a very dangerous player . Welcome to the team ! " Jones told her as she patted her on the shoulder . Ginny was so excited that she jumped up and gave Gwenog a hug . The other girls started to laugh at the reaction of their newest member . Each came over and congratulated her at being accepted onto the team . " I 'm not sure yet where I 'm going to put you . You 're either going to be our seeker or one of our chasers . Either way , you 're on the team . I haven 't seen anyone who can fly as fast as you in a long time . I 'm sure that the new broom which your fiancé bought you is a big help . Welcome , " the captain of the team told her . For the next two weeks , Ginny and Harry would leave the Borrow at the same time and would return at about the same time . They would have their supper with Ginny 's parents and would sometimes go over to the Grangers to visit , since Ron was staying there for the time being . The last Friday evening that they went over to visit , Ron took Harry over to the side for a quiet discussion . " Harry , George and some of our mates from school want to throw a bachelor party for you next Friday . They had thought of just grabbing you and pulling you to the Rusty Cauldron but I reminded them that it would be a bad idea to try to grab you by force . We are giving you a bachelor party and there is nothing you can do about it , " Ron told him in as forceful a voice as Harry had ever heard him use . " Don 't worry about it Harry , when we go out , Hermione 's taking her out with the girls from Hogwarts . If I know the girls , their party will be much more interesting . Shall we say , " Ron whispered so that the girls couldn 't hear him . " All right , but only under one condition , " Harry told his friend with emphasis . " No witches ! Understand ! " Harry told him as he locked his eyes with his friend . Ron stared at him for a few minutes and nodded his head . " All right Harry ! If that 's what you want . I hope that my sister realizes how lucky she is to be getting you , " Ron told him as he walked him back into the kitchen where the others were . The following Wednesday , found Harry fighting his way through the obstacle course at the Ministry 's training facility . He had taken on three of the other aurors in a wand duel . His opponents were wearing protective vest so that Harry 's spells wouldn 't hurt them . They had found on the second day that the adrenalin that Harry was working on in the obstacle course made it hard for him to control the amount of power he was giving off with each spell . His teammates that were working as his attackers were quickly learning what it meant to go up against Harry when he was on . The first two were still on the disabled list from the pounding that they had endured at Harry 's hands . No matter how hard he tried , it was almost impossible to reduce the amount of power he used . Mr . Proudfoot realized that he would have to work with Harry on better control before he could unleash him on anyone that the Ministry felt had committed enough of a wrong to be brought in by the aurors . He had tried to attend each of Harry 's training runs . What he saw terrified him . Harry had such power that he doubted that any of his men could match Harry in a one to one fight . It made him glad that Harry was on the Ministry 's side . Harry had just finished his last practice run when Arthur Weasley came running in to the testing facility . " Harry ! We have a problem ! We just got a call from the Harpies . It seems that Ginny disappeared from their practice facility about an hour ago . Mom and I have been trying to find her but she 's no where to be found . Harry the hand on the clock reads in mortal danger , " Arthur told him , just as Harry disapparated from the training facility . Seconds later , he came running through the front door of the Burrow . " Mom , did she say anything about going anywhere , after practice ? " Harry wanted to know . Harry charged out of the front door of the Burrow and out of the portal . He pulled his wand out of his pants leg and , holding it flat in his hand intoned , " Where 's Ginny ? " The wand turned in his hand and pointed north . Harry disapparated away until his wand vibrated in his hand . He appeared in a large opened list . Harry didn 't have to see them to know that he was surrounded by very powerful wards . There , some five meters in front of him , was a pillory with Ginny chained up to it . Her hands were chained up high enough so that she had to stand on her tip toes to reduce the pressure of the metal shackles on her wrist . Another chain was wrapped around her throat and her feet were chained to the sides of the wooden post . There were seven Death Eaters standing around the front of the pillory . The largest of the men had his wand out and had it pointed at Ginny . " Potter , at last . You 're just in time to watch your little girlfriend die , " he said as he lifted his wand . Ginny turned her head so as not to see her death coming . Harry twitched his left hand and a three meter by three meter chunk of ground jumped up as the spell left the intoners wand . The curse burnt a large hole in the patch of dirt but Ginny was left unharmed . Harry waved his hand again and the post broke at the base and fell backwards . Before she knew it , she was looking up at the stars that had come out a short while before . " Kreacher ! " Harry yelled . A pop to his left side told him that his elf had heard him . " Get Ginny out of here . Bring her back to the Burrow . NOW ! ! " Harry yelled as he stepped forward to engage the seven Death Eaters . Harry noticed Ginny 's wand on the ground close to where the pillory had been . He opened his left hand and the wand jumped to him . The fact that he had two wands in his hands and that he was going to engage these six men in a duel reminded him of the movie that he had watched with Mister Granger back in the flat in Sidney last summer . It just felt like the right thing to say at this point . Harry yelled out as loudly as he could , " Fill your hands you sons of a Bitch ! " He stepped forward and started throwing spells in all directions . The Death Eaters scrambled for the cover that they didn 't have . The attack that they had planed out so well had turned on them and they were the ones that were now in great danger . Harry brought down four of the six Death Eaters within a few seconds . He was dueling the last two men , as a pop to his left side caught his attention . Ginny had come back by herself . She grabbed her wand out of his left hand and stepped forward . Harry got off a fast shot and took out the younger of the two men left . The last man was the one that had tried to kill Ginny just a few minutes before . " You want me ? Two of your goons had to attack me from behind . Let 's see how well you do with me when we 're face to face ? " she was screaming at her attacker . Harry had never seen Ginny in such a rage . He could feel wave after wave of power pulse out from her . Her hair started to stand out behind her as if she was standing in a strong breeze . The Death Eater lifted his wand but Ginny was there first . She hit him with Expelliarmus , the bat - bogey hex and stupefy in such a quick succession that he never knew what happened . She aimed her wand at the body after he had stopped moving and went to cast another horrific spell , when Harry pulled her wand out of her hand . " Enough ! You made your point . Anything more would be wrong . I don 't want you to kill anyone . It 's not a pleasant experience to kill another person . The fact that you just kicked the bloody pulp out of him is sufficient , I think , " Harry told her as he wrapped his arms around her to keep her from trying to cast any other spells . Ginny was violently shaking from her ordeal and the exertion that she had just put forward . Harry cradled her in his arms and held her until she calmed down . " Kreacher , " Harry called softly . " Yes , Master ? " his elf asked as he appeared . " Please take Ginny back to the Burrow and then go get Minister Shacklebolt . Bring him here with a team of aurors , please , " he asked him . Harry was left alone on the list within seconds . Several minutes later , the Minister and the members of the auror department came onto the list . " Well , Harry it seems you finished the last of the Death Eater cells that we 've been looking for , " Mr . Proudfoot told him as he surveyed the destruction unleashed on the unfortunate men , there . The sun was rising up over the eastern horizon when Harry made it back to the Burrow . He stepped quietly as possible onto the porch and opened the kitchen door as softly as he could so as not to awake anyone . He was met by the entire family sitting around the table . Ginny stood up and came around to him . She stood there for a few seconds and then collapsed sobbing into his arms . " Remind me never to get you mad , " Harry whispered into her hair . " That was incredible ! " he told her . For her part , Ginny just wanted to be held by Harry . She had never experienced that type of anger before and it completely terrified her . Harry led her back to the table and spent the next half hour explaining what had happened after she was taken away by Kreacher . The elf appeared at once , next to the table where everyone else was . Ginny bent down and wrapped her arms around the elf 's neck , " thank you . You saved my life tonight , I owe you a debt , " Ginny whispered . Harry 's elf stood straighter than he had ever done . " Mistress Ginny is very welcomed . It was Kreacher 's pleasure to keep her safe in a time of danger . I am Harry Potter 's elf , as of now , I am your elf as well , " he told her as he bowed and disappeared . " I 'm so tired , " Ginny admitted . Harry scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the parlour . He sat on the couch and wrapped her up in one of the afghans that Mom Weasley kept there to keep warm in . She wiggled her way down into his arms and when she felt completely safe she whispered one last thing to Harry before she slipped off to sleep . " I wasn 't afraid , I knew that you 'd come to save me . You always do . I love you , Harry ! " |
It 's a fairly typical Friday morning . I got up a little earlier than most days , somewhat excited that I wasn 't going to have to rush Gracie and Kairi in order to get to school on time . I woke them up , got them dressed and ready , and we set out . We pulled up to the school at 8 : 08 , and I 'm thinking , " Alright ! We 're not showing up RIGHT ON TIME , but we 're a couple of minutes early ! " when I realize that - duh - it 's Friday . School starts later today than the rest of the week . There 's a sign in front of the school that says that they don 't open the doors until 8 : 30 . There are a couple of cars in front of me , sitting , waiting , just as I intend to do . These kids aren 't getting out of the car until the doors are open and I know they can go directly inside . I 'm not letting my girls sit out in the cold like the 10 - 15 kids that are already out there waiting for school to start . At 8 : 25 , the safety team shows up . The safety team is a group of 5th graders that help load and unload kids from their cars . Surely if the safety team is here , the doors are about to open . One of the girls on the team opens the back door to my car , I kiss my kids , and they make their way into the growing mass of children outside . I pull away and round the corner . Then panic hits . There 's nothing like a little parental panic to ruin your morning . I fully intended on driving home and going back to bed . I don 't have school today , I don 't have work today . . . I have no plans other than picking the girls up when school gets out , then having my mother over for dinner . That 's one of the wonderful things about living in Tulsa now - I can invite my mom over with only a day 's notice and it doesn 't have to be a big deal . But here I am , half a block away from the school , frantically trying to find a side road that will get me back to the school so I can make sure my kids have made it inside . I 'm sure it sounds paranoid . That 's the thing about parental panic - it doesn 't always strike when there is reason . Often times , it is preemptive , coming on before there 's really anything to worry about . I suppose it 's one of those old survival instincts coming out to play tricks on us . But if you knew Kairi , I think you 'd understand . The thing about Kairi is that she is very little like her older sister . Gracie , by the time she was five , could have been trusted to walk the two blocks to her old school in our small hometown . God knows there 's no way I actually let her , but that 's not the point . The point is I could have . Kairi , however , is . . . let 's say " adventurous . " A couple of months ago , before we moved to Tulsa , the girls made friends with a neighbor and while they were across the street playing , there 's a knock at our door . It 's the girls ' new friend . She tells me that Kairi has run off , and that Gracie is chasing after her . Jason and I ran outside and saw Gracie four or five houses down the street from where they were supposed to be , running toward the back yard . We quickly make our way down there and find that Kairi is trying to scale the fence of a house we 've never been to , just to see what 's back there . Needless to say , Kairi didn 't visit her new friend unsupervised again . I hope it 's understandable why I would panic . As I 'm driving back to the school , the scenario is running through my mind of , what if I hadn 't decided to drive back to the school to make sure she made it in okay ? What if she wandered off , and I show up to pick up my kids at 3 : 10 only to find out she never made it to class . " What do you mean , ' she 's not here ? ! ' I dropped her off SEVEN HOURS AGO . You mean to tell me that my kid - my FIVE YEAR OLD - has had SEVEN HOURS to just . . . " I don 't even know how to finish that . I don 't want to know how that scenario ends . Just as I 'm playing through the phone call to the police in my mind - " Yes , I need an officer at X Elementary School RIGHT NOW . . . Well , I dropped her off - No , I didn 't actually SEE her walk into the school . . . Why are you wasting your time blaming ME for this ? My KID is out there , SOMEWHERE , and what are we going to do about it ? " - I pull up in front of the school . The mass of kids has grown in the few minutes I 've been gone and I have a hard time finding my daughter in them . I 'm considering pulling into the paRead more » I want to write a little bit about some things I am thankful for this year , with one main focus in particular . Of course I am thankful for my family : my husband , my kids , my mother and father , aunts and uncles , cousins and so on . I 'm also thankful for my friends who lift me up , for those who have dragged me down ( for without them I never would have learned to climb on my own ) , for my job and my co - workers ( seriously , I am SO thankful for them - they 've become a second family in and of themselves ) , for my cat Kitty who is still with me and all the memories and love my Molly gave to me in her life . I am thankful for all the things , small and large , that have helped shape me as a person and helped me attain the life and point of view that I have today . But most of all , this year I am thankful for my Gramma Charlotte . My Gramma Charlotte is probably the single most amazing person I 've ever met . She is kind and generous , she is active and smart . She is emotional without being crazy about it , and incredibly empathetic . She has spent hours upon hours volunteering her time to our community . She writes letters to our congressmen when they are doing things she disagrees with , and you know what ? I 'm pretty sure she 's written a few just to say attaboy as well . She also spends time writing letters to friends and family , which is something that I 'd love to do . She has been the biggest role model in my life and I 'm sure that I will probably continue to strive to be just like her long after she is gone . For all of my life , I 've loved animals , cats most specifically . When I was in second grade , I adopted a stray and named her Miss Tizz . She ended up having several litters of kittens over the course of her life , and in addition to her kittens , I also wound up adopting several other strays . At one point in time , when I was in about the fifth or sixth grade , I think I probably had around 21 cats ( all outside , mind you ) . Yes , I , at the ripe age of 12 or 13 , was a crazy cat lady . Since that time , I 've trimmed back quite a bit in the amount of pets I 've had at once , never having more than two at a time , and still sticking ( mostly ) to cats . Currently , I just have one cat - Kitty . Actually , she 's Gracie 's cat , and has been since Gracie was two years old . Kitty has been through a lot in the last six months . Most recently , she 's had to undergo being spayed because of a massive uterine infection that almost killed her . She 's still dealing with being somewhat sick from the infection , but things are looking up , thankfully . But , her being sick has got me thinking back to June , when my cat - my FAVORITE of the probably 50 cats I 've owned - died somewhat suddenly . My family and I were just coming in from buying groceries when my husband realized that he hadn 't seen Molly in a day or two . Now , Molly was always kind of anti - social , but regardless of that , she liked being around me . If I was in bed , she was sleeping at my feet . If I was in the living room , she was curled up on the arm of the couch or in the window . In her last few months of life , she had become more of a lapcat than ever though , and always slept with me . So when Jason said something , the realization hit me as well . We set off looking for her , hoping and praying that she hadn 't found her way outside . We finally found her in the closet where we keep the litter box , laying down . I picked her up and she was tense . When I set her on my lap , she kind of just dropped into a laying position - not limp like a rag doll , but sort of in the same way she would if she was scaredErin I 'm not sure why , but every time this topic comes up , I get wound up . Personally , I would rather walk into a bathroom and find the toilet seat up than down . That way , I know that I 'm not sitting on a seat that 's been peed on . Spotting a seat that needs to be put down is a lot easier than locating random droplets on a seat that 's been left down while in use by a certain husband who will remain unnamed . . . If I fall into the toilet because I didn 't look , that 's my fault . If I sit on a seat assuming that I 'm safe from getting pee on my butt , well , let 's just say someone 's in trouble . Editor 's note : I wrote this post last week and had intended for it to be published last Friday . For some reason or another , I messed up the settings so it didn 't post as scheduled . I only say this because later in the post I talk about something that happened on a Sunday , quoting it as something that happened " today . " So , as you read this , please bare in mind that although the things I say happened " today " did not happen today , they did still happen and still ring true . Also , I am a little nervous as to how some of my friends and family will receive this post . It 's all about a change in my life that makes my life quite different from the way that those who know me are used to . The only thing that I can say to the people who might view this powt negatively is this : I have always loved and respected you and I 've done my best to show you that no matter what is going on . I can only hope that , no matter what you may think of this post , you will show me the same respect . People say that things happen for a reason . I 've always believed this to be true . It seems that no matter how bad things get , something good has almost always come from my struggles . Obviously both Jason and I getting fired from Chili 's was a big struggle for us . Honestly , even after almost a year , we 're still struggling from it , but a lot of good has come from it . However , as it usually goes , in the wake of a struggle it 's really hard to see a silver lining . At the time , I couldn 't possibly conceive of any kind of prosperity to be gained from my husband and I losing employment . We worked our way into and out of a lot of different plans for how our life would progress . One plan was to take our income tax money and move to Tulsa in June . We had been planning to move there anyway , although it would have been a lot easier if I had gone into management with Chili 's . For several reasons , that plan didn 't work out . I ended up working as a server at Pizza Hut , but that too didn 't work out . What did work out , however , was and old friend coming in to Pizza Hut and telling me about a job at her family 's Mexican restaurant . I began working there in April , and since then a lot of things have fallen into place in my life that I haven 't had in a very long time . From the moment I heard about the job , something felt right for the first time since I worked at Chili 's . My boss was going to be an old friend and a close friend of mine is part of the family that owns the restaurant and she also works there . When I started working there , I found out that there were several other people there that I know . One of those people is a woman named Rosie . I met Rosie in the 7th grade in our geography class . She was moderately popular - not one of the socially elite , but definitely not a social misfit like me . One of the things I remember most about Rosie from school is that she was always really nice to me , while most of the other kids in school were not . I didn 't see a lot of her after 7th grade , but that was mostly because we ran with different crowds ( obviously ) and we didn 't have any more classes together . It was really nice to get to see her again and get to work with her . At this time , it was the spring semester andAs I continued working with Rosie , it became abundantly clear that she is a devout Christian . Now , I don 't say this with any kind of judgment or negative connotation . At night when we were doing our closing duties cleaning the restaurant , a lot of times the hostess or other servers would stick around to talk to Rosie about their faith . They came to her for advice or a shoulder to cry on and she never once judged them . She spoke about her own faith with the kind of grace that I 've only seen a few times in my life . Seeing this made me more aware of what was going on around me . It seemed like everyone I worked with at one time or another was having a conversation about God and faith . These conversations weren 't the kinds of religious conversations I was used to . It seemed like religious conversations where I was concerned were one of two kinds : condemnation or hypocrisy . These people were simply sharing their excitement for something they 'd learned in church and their love of God . It was around this same time that Gracie had begun to act out a little more than usual . As most of my friends know , Gracie has always been a pretty well behaved and mild mannered little girl , so when she started to have the attitude of a 13 year old girl , Jason and I became concerned . We 'd never really had to deal with these kinds of problems , but one of Jason 's suggestions , and I can 't begin to tell you how surprised by this I was , was that we try taking Gracie to church . For those of you who don 't know , Jason is an atheist - or an agnostic on the best of days . But he was raised in church and gained a lot of his moral center from his Sunday school lessons as a boy and he thought that maybe Gracie could gain something from attending church too . Now , I guess I should give a little bit of a religious background where I 'm concerned before moving on , so bear with me . Growing up , I went to a small variety of different churches , but never any place really regularly . I went to pre - school and kindergarten at First Assembly of God , and I rode the bus there for Sunday school from time to time in my first few years of grade school . My mother grew up in the Methodist church , so when she wanted to go to church , that 's where we went . My dad grew up in the Baptist church , and although we never went as a family to a Baptist church , I had a lot of friends who went to Baptist churches in town and that seemed like a nice fit for a while . I 'm even still relatively close friends with a girl that I met at Baptist church camp the summer before 5th grade . The summer before 8th grade , my grandmother invited my friend Natalie and I to start attending the Wednesday night youth group at her church . Most of the other kids in the group were preppy , upper - middle to upper class , and definitely not of the same crowd that Natalie and I belonged to . The group was poorly managed and we spent the better part of 4 Wednesday nights being ridiculed rather than learning about God . Natalie and I decided that if that 's what it looked like to be a Christian , we didn 't want any part of it . My entire 8th grade year and into the beginning of my 9th grade year , I was an " atheist . " Knowing what I do now , I realize that I would probably have been better defined as an agnostic , but what good is rebellion if you 're not completely against something ? In that time , I ended up doing some research on Wicca ( if you can consider buying some Wicca for teenagers - type book research ) but didn 't really find anything in it for me . In 9th grade , a couple of girls in my creative writing class invited me to their youth group . I told them I didn 't believe in God and they said ( paraphrased ) , " That 's cool . We didn 't either , but this is the kind of place that welcomes that . You don 't have to come , but the invitation stands . " After a couple of weeks of invitations , I finally gave in and went . I never REALLY renounced my faith in God and was kind of curious to see if I could find the piece I felt like I was missing in my life . When I walked in , there was worship music being played . I 'd never heard music like this before ; it wasn 't the gospel music I was used to hearing at church , and it wasn 't like the contemporary Christian music I 'd heard in my friend 's mom 's cars . It was more like rock and the things they were singing were things I could relate to . Then the pastor started talking . ( I don 't think I 've ever referred to Cass as a pastor until this point , and although that has no bearing on the story , it 's totally something that I 'm for some reason only just now noticing . Not to discredit him in any way - he was amazing . But I 'll get there . ) I don 't remember anything about what was said other than the way it made me feel . I felt like Cass was talking directly to me about my own life . I heard a passion for God that I 'd never known could exist and I wanted that . I wanted to learn how to achieve that . So I kept going . And I did find it . . . . But , it got lost somewhere along the way . Admittedly , I think I know where bits and pieces of it have gone . It 's mostly due to my own arrogance and concern for what other people would think of me . Jason and I got together when I was 17 . I 'd only been going to the youth group for about 18 months , and although I continued going after we started dating , I eventually wanted to spend that time with him instead . Even though I know now that Jason would have respected me and wouldn 't have thought any less of me for going to church , the fact that he was an atheist was an issue for me because I just didn 't know better . I still believed , but I kept it to myself . Like every other human , I 'm adaptable . If I 'm forced to listen to a certain kind of music for so long , eventually I 'm going to start tapping my toes or humming along . In that same way , after hiding my faith for so long , it was like it wasn 't there . In times of trouble , I 've found myself starting to pray ( " I don 't know if you 're out there God , but if you are . . . " ) and then stopping midway through ( " . . . whatever . Like this is going to matter anyway . " ) But there 's been a void , and I 've felt it this whole time . When I would get sad , I would find myself asking God if He was there . I 'm sure there have been signs here and there , but even though I was asking for them , I wasn 't ever really looking . The thought was fleeting and since the answer was never immediate , I just figured it wasn 't there . So . I had decided that I was going to take Gracie to church with me . A couple of years ago , I was working with a guy named Tim at Chili 's . It seemed like every day we worked together , we 'd end up rolling silverware at the same time , so we 'd end up talking . Tim is a pretty religious guy , but like the girls in my creative writing class , he never forced his religion on me . He 'd ask me questions about why I didn 't really believe or what I thought about this belief or that , and he 'd give his input , but it was never anything judgmental . He invited me to church and wasn 't offended when I had declined . One of the really cool things about working at this new job was that Tim was also working there . The morning that I had decided to take Gracie to church , we were actually intending to go with my friends Kenny and Julie ( Julie being the friend I work with who is also in the family that owns the restaurant ) . But I was running late . I called Kenny to let him know and he informed me that Julie wasn 't feeling well and they hadn 't gotten the boys up , so they weren 't going . Had I called when I had first woken up like I intended and then found out that they weren 't going , I would have crawled back in bed and said , " Screw it . " But I was already almost ready . I didn 't really want to go to this new church by myself though , but then I remembered Tim 's open invitation , and how convenient it was that the service at his church started 30 minutes later than the one I was intending to go to ! As soon as Gracie and I walked into the First Assembly of God Church , we were greeted by an elderly man . He said he 'd never seen us there before and wondered if we were visiting . I told him that it was my first time coming in a very long time and he handed me a welcome bag and helped me find the children 's church . When I walked into the main church I was greeted by a few other people . They knew by the bag that it was my first time coming and were very welcoming . Among these people was a woman named April , who is the older sister of one of my best friends from 8th grade . She invited me to sit with her , which was really nice , because as it turned out , Tim was in the worship band , so I 'd have been sitting alone anyway . The worship music was great . It was just like the music I 'd heard at the youth group years before and each one of the songs touched me . The only song I remember today was Amazing Grace - which is a song I 've always loved , even when I was an " atheist . " During the service , again , it felt like the pastor was talking directly to me . During one part of the service , he talked about a passage that states that you should seek the prayers of wise men because they are powerful . He then asked if anyone in the congregation needed agreement in prayer about something . Reluctantly , I raised my hand . I guess I assumed that he would scan the room , take note of those holding their hands up , and pray for them later but instead he called to the rest of the congregation to pray right then for those people . I felt a hand lightly placed on my shoulder , then one on my arm . April stood in front of me , and although there were several people around me praying , she was the only one praying out loud - and only loud enough that I could hear her . In her prayer , she asked God for all of the things I had been asking , and spoke the answers I had been seeking . Word for word , she answered the exact questions I had in my heart and that I 've silently and secretly been asking for years . I felt a kind of wholeness that I 'd been missing for a long time and wound up crying and silently thanking God for showing Himself to me . At the end of the service , several people I knew came to talk to me . They all asked how I enjoyed the service and I told them that I had loved it . They all said , " Wait until next week ! This week 's service was different than it usually is . It was really good , but you 're going to love it when you come back and see what it 's like normally . " It felt like God had specifically designed that week 's service just for me . Since then , I 've begun going to a Sunday night Bible study at my friend and co - worker Nancy 's house . We watch a television evangelist named Joseph Prince , and I have learned so much about the Bible that I never would have picked up in reading it on my own . He talks a lot about how the Old Testament is full of prophesies of Jesus , and the coincidences that are there are just so uncanny that I can 't help but feel my faith reaffirmed when I watch . I realize that there is a lot of hypocrisy in my life and I am working to address the issues that I can . I went to Tulsa over the weekend to visit my mom and this morning attended GUTS church . The message there today was that we should be aggressive about accelerating the correction of problems in our lives , in forgiveness , in attitude change , in raising the bar in our life , and in achieving God 's prosperity and peace . I learned that 82 % of people who don 't go to church said they 'd go if they were just invited , but that only 2 % of people who go to church actually extend invitations . Today , I am raising the bar and being relentless in my walk with God . I invite anyone and everyone who is local to join me this Sunday at 10 : 30 am at the First Assembly of God Church , and to everyone else I say this : If you feel a void in your life and you can 't explain , don 't wait for an invitation . Go check out a church , any church , and hopefully we can all begin to raise the bar in our lives . I feel like everything that has happened in the past year has happened for a reason , that I have been lead to a place where I could find God and His place in my life . If you are reading this , maybe there 's a reason . Don 't wait for it to come to you - go find it ! I know it 's been a while since I 've posted , and I wish I had an excuse better than I just didn 't , but . . . well , I just don 't . I know in the past I 've made promises of upcoming , regular posts that never came and for that I am sorry . I won 't be making any such promises here and now because I really can 't say that I will find the time or the motivation to write regularly . I know that 's not so great for a blogger , but it is what it is and at least I 'm being honest . However , what I can do is give you an update on what 's been going on in my life lately . I believe I last left off in the end of October when Jason and I got fired from Chili 's . I know I 've posted since then , but with no real indication of what 's been going on in my life , so I 'll just start there . ( Don 't worry - I 'm just giving a brief recap . ) So . Jason and I got fired from Chili 's . Well , that was fun . At the time I posted about it , I was pursuing some sort of legal action so I didn 't want to go into too many details regarding the exact event . That didn 't pan out so well ( not that it couldn 't have - I just didn 't really have the time or energy to put the work into it , seeing as how I was trying to find work , still going to school , and - oh yeah , I have two kids ) . Although the summary of the event is kind of lengthy due to explaining a couple of things for those who haven 't worked at Chili 's , I 'm still not going into all of the details . Believe me - if you think the summary is long , the whole story written out takes up about 6 pages . It was a Saturday night . I had originally been scheduled to work a key shift in which I appear to the customers as a manager and have some management capabilities on the computer such as comping and discounting food . The position is basically there to give the managers some help without actually having to pay an additional manager to work the mid - shift that covers the busiest times of day . However , the restaurant had just hired a new manager and she was going to be working the mid - shift for that day , so I wasn 't needed . I was talking to a friend from work about it and about how I really needed to work that night , and she was scheduled to work but wanted off , so I picked up her shift as a front of house expediter . For those who don 't work in the restaurant business , the basic job there is that I stand at the line where the food comes out from the kitchen and match up all the different plates to the right tables , and make sure the food gets sent out . It 's not hard , but it does get hectic . Right as the dinner rush was picking up , a table of 30 people placed their order . In the heat of things , somehow a sandwich belonging to that table got lost . I asked the cook in charge of making sandwiches about it and he said he had remembered making it and that if it didn 't make it to the right table then I wasn 't doing my job right and it wasn 't his problem . ( I would like to note in my own defense that although the servers were not supposed to be taking food that I specifically gave to them , they still were doing so and I 'm pretty sure that 's how the sandwich got lost . ) I told him that regardless of where the sandwich ended up , the person who ordered it did not receive it and it needed to be remade . Over the next 30 minutes or so , the table 's server would come back and ask for the sandwich , and I would relay to the cook that it was still needed , and he would yell belligerently about how I was apparently incapable of doing my job and that someone else should come do it for me , as well as a great number of very colorful names and adjectives about what kind of person he really thought me to be . About 10 minutes into the ordeal , the new manager came to help me expedite the other orders that were going out and was at my side for the entire time all of this was going on . She neither said nor did anything to stop this cook from yelling obscenities at me or calling me names . Finally , at the end of the 30 minutes , the to - go cook came to me and said that he 'd seen the sandwich come up ( behind a number of other dishes that I was trying to get sent out ) and had taken it to the table . Upon hearing this , the cook began to yell at me . ( Please forgive the obscenities , folks - I usually try to maintain a mostly clean atmosphere here . ) At this point in time , I 'm still trying to do my job . I 'm listening and doing my best to watch , but I 'm on the clock and would like to remain employed , so I 'm also doing my best to remain professional and still work . It 's claimed that Jason headbutted the cook . Jason says he didn 't and I believe my husband . ( Plus the lack of any red marks on his forehead immediately afterward kind of speak in his favor . ) All I know is that directly after the other cook getting in his face , Jason turned around and walked to the back of the kitchen . It was right as they were face to face that the new manager got on her radio and told our general manager , who was in the restaurant checking tables , that two cooks were about to get into a fight . The general manager met both my husband and the other cook in the back of the kitchen . She told them both that she didn 't want to hear about what had happened , she just wanted both of them to leave and we would all sort it out in the morning . Jason came to me and told he he 'd been kicked out and the general manager approached him and told him again that he needed to leave . He said that he was asking me for the keys because it was raining and she told him that she didn 't care , he just needed to leave . So he set out walking home in the pouring rain . A minute later , I saw the other cook leaving and heard the general manager saying to him , " Call me later . " After I knew the dinner rush would be over , I returned to the restaurant to give the general manager my account of the event in the hope that I might be able to talk her into letting Jason keep his job . The new manager was asked to join us in the office so she could hear my account as well as give any differing views of what happened . So I told my story and at the end , the general manager asked the new manager if it happened the way I said it did . Her only response was that she didn 't hear the cook say , " fucking . " I was then told that as a leader in the restaurant ( a title I never knew I had , nor was I being paid for ) that I had behaved inappropriately , but it was not disclosed to me at that time exactly how I had done so . The general manager told me that she had planned on firing me , but was unaware of the to - go person 's part in the event and would have to get his side of the story before she could say whether or not I still had my job . I was told to come back on Monday with Jason . Upon leaving , I heard the cook who had caused all the problems back in the kitchen laughing about the whole thing . Not even two hours had passed and he was already back at work . When Jason and I met with the general manager the following Monday , we were told that we were both being let go ; Jason for fighting and me for my supposed inappropriate behavior . I asked for clarification and was told that the new manager said she overheard me telling a co - worker that " Jason should have just kicked his ass . " I told her that I never said that , but she questioned why the new manager would say that I did . She was a manager , after all , and apparently managers never lie . I still don 't understand why a woman that I had worked somewhat closely with over the past several months all of a sudden trusted a woman she 'd known for hardly a week over me , and I don 't think I ever will . I have my own theories as to why this new manager had lied - the main one being that she had witnessed the whole thing and never did anything to stop it from escalating to supposed physical violence , which could have cost her own job . Another is that she 's just a bitch , but I 've heard from people who worked with her afterward that she 's actually a really nice person and was a good manager . ( She no longer works there either - I heard she , too , was fired . Funny how that works out . ) That was in the end of October . Jason and I started looking for work immediately , but couldn 't find a job anywhere . I was told by a friend of mine who works in another restaurant that her boss approached her and told her that the general manager had been in and told her all about my inappropriate behavior and my husband 's nasty violent streak , so we shouldn 't even bother applying there . From the information and reception we 'd received from most of the restaurants we 'd applied to , I was fairly certain that we 'd been blackballed . I did finally find a job in December at Pizza Hut . I was originally told that it would be a management position , but I ended up waiting tables instead . I was really excited at first . I 'd worked there years ago , so I knew a lot of the job already , I had several friends who worked there , and I was told the money was good . That last part was wrong . The money sucked . Horribly . I was told that I was still in the running for the management position , but after being strung along for months for a position I was told I 'd be hired into , I couldn 't justify holding out any longer . I was hired on in April and have been working there since . The hours and money are great and the people are AMAZING . Although I am there to work , it 's really awesome that I 've been able to make so many new friends and reconnect with so many old friends . The girls are doing well . Gracie started second grade last month and is doing wonderfully . Kairi is potty trained . She still needs a diaper at night , but we 're working on that . There 's not really a lot more to report on at the moment . There are a few details that I have left out because they deserve a post within themselves . I 'm not sure when I 'll get there , but I 'm excited for it . It 's 4 : 40 in the morning and I 'm exhausted . I was sleeping , but my three year old daughter , Kairi , woke me up for an incredibly frustrating and pointless trip to the bathroom , and although she 's back asleep and by every right I should be as well , I just can 't seem to shake this feeling of unease and restlessness . It 's strange how my mind can be taken over by these completely random thoughts at the most random of times . I 'm not really fully aware of how to express what is going through my brain right now , but writing it out really seems like a better idea than tossing and turning in bed while these thoughts toss and turn in my mind . I 've always liked to think of myself as a smart person . As a child , I loved drawing and making art , and although I never developed any real talent for it , I still enjoy drawing and doodling . I 've also always enjoyed writing , whether it be prose or poetry . I 'm not sure I could make it through life without music . I 've tooled around with the guitar for several years , but never really found the time to master it . I feel like being a creative person , or at least having the drive to create , is part of what makes me feel smart . The other part of it is the people I surround myself with . My best friend Natalie is brilliant . And I mean seriously brilliant . She makes beautiful art , whether it be drawing or painting - she 's even made some beautiful crochet and knitted items . She writes the most elaborately beautiful stories and poetry , as if these elaborate dreams just flow from her pen . She is well read and well spoken and unlike a lot of the more literary , book smart - type people that I know and have heard of , she is incredibly well rounded when it comes to having common sense . I know that no matter what I need help with , whether it be writing a paper or solving a problem with my kids , I can go to her . My husband is also incredibly smart . He 's sharp as a tack and incredibly quick witted . He comes up with hilarious parodies to all the songs on the radio and has a funny response to anything you thrAgain , that probably isn 't really that big of a deal , especially considering my age at the time , but the point isn 't how long ago it happened or how old I was , but that I am constantly still making incredibly stupid and naive comments like that . I feel like I still have a somewhat naive view of life , even though I 'm almost 30 years old and have been living in the " real world " for long enough to have a better grasp on these things . I know that these small examples don 't necessarily mean that I am stupid , but when they present themselves to me in the way that they tend to come - almost like a line - up of stupidity where I 'm always the guilty party - it sure makes me feel that way . I 'm not really sure where I am going with this or why I felt the urge to write it all down , let alone share it with the world . I 'm not fishing for compliments , no matter how much it may seem that way . I suppose I simply felt like getting it out might make me feel better . I 'm sure most anyone could relate to feeling stupid over what others might see as incredibly small and forgettable incidences . Maybe I 'm just looking for someone to commiserate with . So , take from this whatever you can . As for me , I 'm going back to bed . Almost immediately after having Gracie , Jason was ready for more . At that time though , things were really hard . We were just getting over all the trouble we 'd gotten into , we were stuck in a house that had horrible memories and was too small to house all of our stuff , let alone another child , and since we had pretty much just gotten Gracie back , I really wanted to be selfish with her and have her as an only child for a while since we 'd missed out on so much . When Gracie was 3 , we moved into a new house - the one we 're in now . It 's bigger , it 's nicer , and life instantly became so much better once we moved in . We moved here in May . In July , Jason and I began talking about the possibility of trying for another baby . Enough time had passed that we had our feet under us with Gracie , and the house situation was better , which cleared up both of my reasons for saying no . ( Just to clarify , we had a pregnancy scare while still at the old house just before finding out we were moving . I cried and cried and cried , thinking that I never wanted to bring another baby into that house . I was DESPERATE to not have another baby while living there . ) Within a few days , I started feeling gross . I had the worst heartburn ever . I had just taken a pregnancy test though because I was late ( which is what sparked the conversation about having another baby ) , so I knew it wasn 't because I was pregnant . ( The only time I 've ever had heartburn before this was when I was pregnant with Gracie . ) I figured maybe I had just eaten something that didn 't sit right and it would go away soon . But it didn 't . It kept on , and kept getting worse . It got to the point where I couldn 't eat . The pain was so bad that it kept me from feeling hunger . The first weekend in August we went to visit my mom in Tulsa . One of the reasons for the trip was to go to the mall and get some new jeans . I had just quit smoking in April which caused me to put on about 20 pounds . I felt awful the whole time . I barely got off my mom 's couch . We even went to my favorite Italian restaurant , the place where there 's no such thing as left - overs because the food is so delicious I 'd rather literally bust my gut open than not finish my food , and I could barely eat . I decided that on Monday I 'd call the doctor . Something was WRONG with me . We came home on Sunday and Jason immediately had to go to work . After dropping Jason off at work , Gracie and I decided to go to Wal - Mart to do some spur of the moment grocery shopping . While there , I remembered that we needed shampoo , so I headed to the back of the store . The main row was incredibly crowded , so we decided to walk along the back wall , and while back there , a little purple and white box caught my eye . For some reason , the 2 - pack of Equate brand pregnancy tests were on sale . I KNEW I wasn 't pregnant , but I figured that when I called the doctor they 'd want to test me , just in case , so I figured I 'd grab a couple of tests for my own peace of mind beforehand . After shopping , Gracie and I came home , put our groceries away and sat down to watch a movie . I 'd stopped at McDonald 's for a large sweet tea on my way home , so by the time the movie was over , I was ready to go . I remembered the pregnancy test and figured I 'd better go ahead and take it , just to show myself that these doubts I was having were ridiculous . The moment I set the test on the sink , the first line started showing up . No big deal - that 's the line that is simply there to tell you the test is working . The second line started showing up , which was no big deal either since it 's supposed to be a plus sign . I looked up for a second to check my hair in the mirror and when I looked back down , that second line had gone from being simply vertical to being a plus sign . My doubts , as it turned out , were not ridiculous . I was pregnant . I grabbed Gracie and ran straight to Chili 's to tell Jason the news . I went to the kitchen where he was working and asked him to come talk to me . He was incredibly busy and it was obvious that he was annoyed that I 'd pulled him from his work at such a busy time , but this was important . Gracie and I ran home so I could start making my phone calls . I called my mom who was ecstatic , and I called my best friend Natalie who was pregnant with her first child . I was so happy . I was so excited when I found out we were having another girl . The small differences in this pregnancy like the more intense heartburn made me think I was having a boy . I was convinced . I already had a name picked out : Oliver Phin . What a goofy sounding name , right ? ! It 's a good thing we wound up with a girl , because that kid probably had a world of hurt coming to him for his name alone . Jason and I fought and fought and fought over what we were going to name this little girl . He 'd tell me , " You pick the name . " But then I 'd pick a name and he 'd hate it . Delilah was out because of Sampson and Delilah , and so was Lilah . Lorelei was out for no given reason . Amelia Rose got the boot too , as did EVERY name I suggested . I even threw in some curveball names I 'd never want to name my child just to see what he 'd say . ( I 'm not listing the names here though , because chances are one of you out there has a child with one of my curveball names . ) Finally , I remembered a game that Jason and I had played a few years before Gracie was born . The game was called Kingdom Hearts , and there was a little girl on the game named Kairi . I remember Jason and I both remarking about what a pretty name that was and joking about maybe naming a daughter after the character . Before bringing it up though , I needed the perfect middle name . After some careful consideration , I decided to pitch the name Kairi Blake , Blake being after Jason 's little brother . Jason loved the name . It was perfect . I knew that I 'd want my tubes tied once Kairi was born . My friends all told me how much different it is raising two children than just one , how hard it is . I was reminded that beyond the basic cost of having two children , we 'd also have four proms , two colleges , and two weddings to pay for . And I thought about myself as an only child wishing for just one sister to share my secrets with . I was secure and happy with my decision . For the first several months , things were really easy . So easy that I began to doubt my decision to have my tubes tied . I thought , " Man , everyone said this would be SO hard and it 's NOT ! I could do this with another child . . . . " But then Kairi started crawling , then walking , then running . Kairi is very much a full - speed - ahead kind of girl , and I love it . But I knew that I couldn 't handle any more kids once Kairi gained mobility . Six years ago , after Jason and I got into trouble , we both had to go out and find work . I found my job first in June at McDonald 's . In August , Jason found his job at Chili 's . I had been working for McDonald 's for a year and a half , and I had worked my way up to being a shift manager when , while waiting for Jason to get off work one late evening , I was talking with his manager . His manager was having an incredibly tough time ; he was in the middle of an incredibly nasty divorce and his kitchen crew was falling apart . He didn 't have a dishwasher to work the next several shifts , and although that 's not as big a deal as he was making it , considering all the stress he was under at the time , I got why he was so distraught . I was really hating my job at McDonald 's . Sure , I got to work with one of my best friends , but the job itself was stressful , paid pennies , and I just wasn 't cut out for it . As I sat there talking with Jason 's manager , I made the offer to come and help out . In my mind , I thought I 'd be a dishwasher for a month or so , just long enough for him to find someone more permanent , and then I 'd just go find another job . That 's not exactly what happened . The next day , I came in to officially apply . I was hired on the spot , making $ 1 . 00 more per hour to wash dishes than I had been making to manage shifts at the Wal - Mart McDonald 's . I began working the next day , and while I knew it wasn 't something I enjoyed , it was also considerably less stressful than my previous job . I continued to wash dishes over the next two months , until a new daytime dishwasher had been hired . He worked circles around me , and as such managed to get most of the hours . I still needed work , and I knew I wouldn 't find a job that would pay me the money I was used to making at Chili 's , so I decided to train to become a cook . I started out as a server just a couple of days each week , still maintaining some hours in the kitchen , in case it didn 't work out . But over the next month , I realized that I 'd found something that I was not only good at , but I enjoyed . I learned all the front - of - house positions , like food expediter ( QA ) , host , and to - go . I decided to take some time off after I found out I was pregnant with Kairi . I had started school , so I 'd cut my hours anyway , and since my prenatal vitamins made me sick , standing on my feet for an entire shift was making me light - headed . My plan was to return a couple of months after Kairi was born , but instead I took off until she was nearly two . About six months after my return , I began working a position called the Key . I basically walked around and talked to each table , making sure that everything was tasting great , letting everyone know about our survey that is on our receipt , and just generally helping out wherever needed to make sure the shift runs smoothly . I had a manager card so I could help the managers out by comping and discounting food . I was really enjoying the job I was doing and had decided to try to go for a management position after I was done with school this May . My manager had just started working with me to get me ready for that . Then , last Saturday night something unexpected happened . I can 't go into very much detail yet , although I 'm sure I will at some point , but Jason and I were completely and unexpectedly let go . Jason 's termination , I guess , is a little bit more understandable , but he has reasons for doing what he did that I believe will hold up in court , should we decide to go that route . My termination , however , was completely unexpected . I did nothing wrong , unless you consider being married to Jason wrong . I 'm being told that I behaved in a way that I most certainly did not behave , and despite all of my plans to move forward within the company , all ties are now severed . Jason and I are now left flailing . . . He 'd worked there for six years , and I had been there for 3 of the last 5 . We had worked out a five year plan , in which I 'd go into management to support our family so that Jason could go to trade school and become an electrician . And now we 're left searching for minimum wage jobs , which will more than likely leave us searching for a smaller house . We 've taken five steps back and are left basically exactly where we were when we were first starting over after getting in trouble . We 'll be fine , but it 's going to take some time . I have hopes that this will move us forward instead of back , but we 'll just have to see where it goes once we get there . Until then , I guess we 'll just be hanging out back here at square one . |
Ohhh ! Ahhh ! Did I ever fall asleep . I stretched and twisted my neck as I tried to wake up . Sitting in my favorite chair , I was waiting to go down to our little town 's library for a Christmas party . I am going to be Santa 's helper . My wife asked me if I would help and I said I would . And tonight 's the night . But all I can think of is the long trip , I must take after the party . Business trips - - I love them , but this has been a long , long day . Hmm , I wonder what time it is ? I 've got to get my Santa suit on pretty soon . I look up at the fireplace mantle at the clock . I have two more hours . And after that six hours to travel ; whew ! I looked next to the clock at my favorite brass telescope . ( I 've always loved looking at the moon and this is my favorite telescope to look at it with . ) My special brass telescope I got for Christmas very long ago . I walked over , picked it up and sat back down . I said to myself , " I think I just have time to give it a good polish before I get ready to go . " I knew Christmas was really getting close . I could smell the Christmas tree in our front room , next to the fireplace . ( You could see the tree from outside through our big front window . ) I knew Christmas was really close too , because of the decorations in the shop windows and the decorations hanging from lamp post to lamp post across our main street . So this Saturday morning as I came downstairs , I saw moma in her room polishing the fancy pin given to her by her moma 's moma ( It was gold and silver colored with three purple stones that dangled and sparkled when moma put it on . My moma smiled a lot but when she puts on the special moma 's pin , her smile gets even bigger - - almost ear to ear . ) When I got to the bottom of the stairs , I could see papa sitting in his favorite chair . His eyes were almost closed . He was polishing the silver trophy he won for a foot race . He polished it very slowly . ( I love it when Uncle Jeff tells the story how papa won the race and the trophy . Uncle Jeff tells it at each holiday and when he gets near the end of the story , papa always turns a little red and smiles real big as he walks over and picks up his trophy . I am sure Uncle Jeff will tell it again on this Christmas morning . The best part is near the end . Uncle Jeff 's voice gets louder like the man calling the race . " It 's Smith and Hancock ! It 's Smith and Hancock ! It 's Smith and Hancock ! " Then your dad grinned . He was ten yards back of Smith and Hancock - - with only 30 yards to go ! " It 's Smith and Hancock ! It 's Smith and Hancock ! And . . . Littlefield ? ! Wins the race ! ! " I was still watching papa polish his trophy and he looked up . He turned a little red and said , " little Ned what are you looking at ? " " Oh nothing . I am waiting for Uncle Jeff , we 're going to take Princess ( our beautiful brown and white and very clumsy long - haired dog ) for a walk downtown . " " And get a donut , I 'll bet , " papa said . ( Uncle Jeff always got me a donut on Saturday mornings , but it was always supposed to be a surprise . ) " You keep good hold of Princess , " papa said , " She 'll run after any good smell she finds . " ( My papa always laughed about Princess . He 'd tell people she was the clumsiest shoveled - nosed dog alive , because she was so busy smelling the ground she 'd run into things . ) I looked up and saw Uncle Jeff at the bottom of the walk . He looked left and right , up and down and then pulled his watch from his pocket . He looked at his watch and rubbed the back of it on his pants leg . Uncle Jeff loved that watch that his papa 's papa had given to him . We went around back and got Princess and started our walk . Princess with her nose in the wet grass pulled me left and then right . Past two blocks of houses , we turned up a block and onto our main street . There were bells and ribbons and pictures of Santa in every shop window . When we passed the jewelry shop and were in front of the bakery , we stopped . " Boy , I could sure eat a donut , " said Uncle Jeff . " Little Ned , you hold Princess and I 'll be right back , " he said . The Shiny Yellow Tube . . . Just then Princess smelled something new and pulled me in front of the jewelry store . I hung on to the rail to keep my feet . Then I looked in the window and my heart took a leap ! Right in front of my face was a big picture of the moon . . . with a shiny yellow tube in front of it . I loved the moon . . . but I thought that the shiny tube was the prettiest thing I had ever seen . I was glued to the window , looking at the tube , when Uncle Jeff tapped me on the shoulder saying " Have I got a deal for you ! I bought too many donuts . Will you help me eat one or two ? " " Sure , Uncle Jeff , " I said , not taking my eyes off the shiny tube . " Boy , I 've never seen you so little excited about a donut little Ned , " he said . " Uh huh , " I said . " Oh , " said Uncle Jeff , " I see . You 're looking at that telescope . " " A tele - what , " I said . " A telescope . . . " he said " with it you can see the moon like it 's right in your face . Hmm , that 's beautiful solid brass . Pretty expensive , I 'd guess . Say , little Ned , have you got your moma and papa a Christmas present yet ? " The Talk and Moma 's Hair When we got back to my house , Uncle Jeff looked left and right , up and down and pulled out his watch . " Ned , go tell your dad , I have to talk with him out here , " he said . I ran out back , put Princess in the yard and then into the house . Uncle Jeff waited outside , still rubbing his watch on his pants leg . Moma and papa were in the kitchen in the back of the house . Papa was helping moma wash her long black hair in the big sink . ( Moma had beautiful shiny long , long black hair . When she unrolled it - - she could sit on it in a chair ! ) " Papa , Uncle Jeff 's outside and he wants to talk to you out there . " Moma and papa looked at each other . And papa said , " Okay . . . little Ned , you hold the towels for moma 's hair . " In a few minutes he came back . Moma had her hair all wound up in two towels . Papa said , " Ned , why don 't you go out and brush out Princess ' snarls . " As I walked into the work room , papa closed the kitchen door . I looked and I looked and finally saw the brush on a shelf by the kitchen door . As I picked it up I could hear papa say , " It 's been too slow . It might be a slow , low Christmas unless Jeff and I can sell some more . We 'll have to go up to Detroit next Tuesday night . " I heard moma gulp , " But , but . . . you 'll still be able to . . . to . . . ? " " Yes " papa said , " but I 'll have to leave right after . " I heard him step toward the door , so I skittered out the side door to brush Princess . As I brushed her I wondered to myself , " I wonder what a slow , low Christmas could be ? As I brushed , I thought about what I 'd get moma and papa with the money Mr . Jones would pay me for sweeping his floor . He said to come see him on Monday after school and he 'd pay me . Boy was this going to be a week to top all weeks . Monday , I would get present money and Tuesday Santa was coming to the library where Mr . Jones ' daughter worked . School went fast and finally I was running downtown ; to see Mr . Jones and to get paid ! I ran and splashed in the puddles left by the big noon - day rain . I ran past the jewelry store looking at the brass telescope , past the bakery and just before the alley that led to Mr . Jones ' shop - - I skidded to a stop . In the window of the gift shop was a big brown owl . " Boy , " I said to myself , " moma and papa both love owls . Maybe I can get them this owl for Christmas . " I went in and looked at the owl . Miss Pauline came up and said , " Hello , little Ned . Isn 't that a lovely owl . " " Oh yes " , I said , " does it cost a lot . . . I 'd like to get it for my moma and papa . " " Oh , " she said , " it costs a lot , but let me see what else I 've got . " She went in the back of the shop and came out with a big smile on her face . Miss Pauline said , " Here , look what I 've got . " She held out a little white owl with one eye closed in a wink . She said , " I 'll help you paint it a pretty brown . " " Oh , " I gasped to myself . . . " it 's perfect ! " ( I remembered how moma would smile and giggle when papa winked at her . And she would call him an old hoot owl . Yes , it was perfect . ) " How much ? " I asked . " Two dollars , little Ned " , she said . " How much is that ? " I asked . She pulled out out a shiny quarter . She held up four fingers on each hand and said , " Eight quarters , Ned . " " I 'll be back after I see Mr . Jones , " I hollered as I ran out the door . I ran all the way up to Mr . Jones ' door and skidded to a stop . Just in the door was Mr . Jones who said : " Hey young man ! Not so fast ! You 'll bring back all the dirt you swept out last week ! " ( His voice was low and quick . Most kids were afraid of him , but I had seen his secret grin . He told me great stories and would let me help hand him wood as he worked . Then last week he said , " I have a deal for you . " " I 'll pay you if you sweep out the shop . I 'll pay you next week . " ) Now he looked down at me and said , " Pay day - - right young Ned ? " " Yes sir , Mr . Jones " , I said . Mr . Jones looked down at the floor and said , " Well , it 's been real slow but I said what I said young Ned . " " What 's slow Mr . Jones ? " I asked . " Business young Ned , " he said . " Not much money . . . it 's going to be a slow Christmas . How much did I say I 'd pay you ? " I blurted out the story about the owl , Miss Pauline , the wink and my moma 's giggle . His face got very long , but he said , " All right . " " Just wait . " He turned around and picked up a small brown paper bag from his bench . He put his hand in his pocket and then into the bag . I could hear the coins clink as they dropped into the bag . He folded the bag up very small and handed it to me . He said , " Put this into your pocket young Ned and be very very careful . Go straight to Miss Pauline 's and hand it to her . " " Thank you , " I yelled as I started to run out . " Be very careful " , he said . My heart thumped , " I can get the owl ! I can get the owl ! " I looked back as I ran out and saw his secret grin as he turned back to his work bench . I careened around the corner of the alley and went full speed toward Miss Pauline 's . Then I heard the whoosh of the water from the mid - day rain under the street grate . I stopped . I loved to listen to the water whoosh under the street after a big rain . And this had been a big rain - - it was whooshing real loud . I sat down on the curb with my feet on the street grate . I looked down at the water and listened to it whoosh ! Then I thought , I better count my money to be sure Mr . Jones gave me enough . I leaned back and very carefully pulled the bag out of my pocket . I opened the bag and turned on the curb . I didn 't want to chance dropping it in the grate . I carefully laid each shiny quarter down on the curb one by one . I put a finger on each one . One - two - three - four fingers . One - two - three - four fingers . Eight ! Enough for the owl ! Just then I heard a big woof and a shout . Homer and the Big Disaster Up the street ran Jimmy Johnson chasing his dog Homer . ( Papa called him Jumper because Homer always jumped on people he liked . And Homer liked me . ) " Stop Homer ! Stop Homer ! " Jimmy shouted . I laughed . Just then Homer twisted and jumped right on me . As I tumbled over the curb . . . I saw . . . the quarters falling into the grate . I lunged at them and saw the last one as it slipped under the whooshing water . " Oh no ! " I cried , " no owl , no giggle . What will I do ? Oh , what will I do . " I started to cry real hard . Jimmy ran up and grabbed Homer who was licking my face . Jimmy stood there and hollered , " Cry baby ! Cry baby ! " And he laughed . I shouted back at him , " I lost my Christmas money when Homer jumped on me ! Jimmy looked worried and then he said , " You 'd better not tell ! ! ! You 'll get in big trouble for losing your money . . . you , you . . . you cry baby ! Then he ran off with Homer . I sat there on the curb . The water whooshed and I cried and I cried , " What will I do ? What will I do ? " kept ringing in my ears . I got up and slowly step - by - step walked home . When I passed the gift shop , Miss Pauline looked out and waved . I put my head down and ran . I thought to myself , " Did she see ? Does she know ? Does she think I am a cry baby too ? No , she couldn 't know . But if anyone finds out , I 'll be in big trouble . No present for moma and papa , oh what will I do . I have no money . It will be a slow , low Christmas for sure . " The next day lasted forever and ever . Moma was smiling as she left me at school and said , " Tonight 's Santa 's night at the library little Ned . It 'll be a big treat ! " " Sure , " I thought " I am the world 's worst kid . Mr . Jones said to be careful and I wasn 't . Jimmy saw me crying and if I tell anyone about this , I 'll get into trouble . And I won 't have any present for moma and papa ! What will I do ? What will I do ? " At school every time Jimmy saw me he would say , without talking out loud , " cry baby ! cry baby ! " My head hung low when moma came to get me at school . She said , " Are you all right little Ned ? " " Uh huh , " I said . " You must be shy about meeting Santa Claus tonight , " she said , " I am going to take you straight to the library so you can wait for Santa . " She looked straight at me and said , " Now you stay close to Mr . Jones ' daughter and she will look out for you . I will pick you up afterwards ; papa and I have to do something tonight . " I barely heard her . All I could hear was my self saying to myself , " What will I do ? What will I do ? I can 't give my moma and papa a present , I can 't tell because I 'll get into trouble with everyone , and I won 't see Mr . Jones ' grin . And I can 't cry because then moma will know and the kids and Jimmy will laugh at me . I wish I could tell someone . What will I do ? What will I do ? " Moma gave me a little shove though the library door and waved to Mr . Jones ' daughter . ( Mr . Jones ' daughter 's nose and eyes wrinkled up real tight when she laughed . And she laughed a lot . ) Now her nose and eyes were wrinkled real tight as she waved back to moma and said " I 'll look out for him and put him to work . " I walked up to her with my head down at the ground looking at my shoes . She stooped down and pushed back the black , black hair out of her face and she looked straight into my eyes . She said , " Oh little Ned , is something wrong ? Is everything all right ? " " Yikes ! She knows , " I thought , " no she couldn 't possibly . But her big brown eyes said she knew something was wrong . " ( Moma had told me that Mr . Jones ' daughter was a special lady who could laugh off the biggest trouble and cry for a cut finger or a bird whose baby was hurt . ) But I couldn 't tell her , much as I wanted to . Then her father would know and he 'd never give me his secret grin again . I didn 't - - I couldn 't - - say anything . She said low and quick , " Everything will be all right , little Ned . . . you 'll see . " " If she only knew , if she only knew , " I thought , " What will I do ? What will I do ? " " Little Ned , will you help me and watch my little Nan while she colors ? " I nodded my head and said , " yes mame . " I liked little Nan . She had black , black hair like her mother , and giggled a lot like her too . But she 'd cry when Jimmy and others called her ÔNanny , Nanny the goat . ' When I was around they wouldn 't do that because I once socked Jimmy for saying that . I watched her draw and wondered how a four year old could draw so good . . . . when I was six and still couldn 't draw a straight stick . She had her nose nearly on the paper drawing line after line , turning them into birds and flowers . I forgot about time and Christmas for a while . Nan would look straight up without looking at anything and then would draw some more . Nan 's mother came over and said , " hurry up you two or you 'll be the last in line . " " Oh gosh , " I thought , " I don 't want to do this . " But she pushed us along . And the other kids were watching . Jimmy came up and whispered into my ear , " If Santa finds out what you did , you won 't get anything at all ! " Great ! I didn 't need to be reminded . What will I do ? What will I do ? Then I heard some funny sounding bells and in came Santa . At least I thought it was Santa . His stomach wasn 't as big as the other Santa 's helpers I 'd seen in pictures and his nose wasn 't red . And his cheeks weren 't even pink ! He stretched his neck left and right and up and down and looked a a little confused . He sat down with a bag of candy canes and put them on the floor . All the kids were giggling and pushing , then Santa looked right at me . . . I put my head down . I thought , " I wonder if he knows . They say Santa knows everything . No , he couldn 't , could he ? " Then Santa shouted , " Everybody sit down . Everybody sit down . I want to tell you a story about the first Christmas gift . " We all sat down . I looked at Nan 's moma and she put her shush finger up to her mouth and then she giggled . " Yes , yes . I want to tell you about , about . . . the first Christmas gift . " Then he stopped and looked around . I looked around too . Nan 's mother made a move with her hands that said , " Go on ! Go on ! " This was sure a strange Santa . He didn 't seem sure of what to say . Then he took a deep breath , pulled at his beard and began to speak . " The first Christmas was God 's Christmas . He wanted to show all the people how much he loved them . So he gave them baby Jesus as a symbol of his great great love . And some people who were close , who knew about presents , and were there when God set Jesus down for us . " They knew how great was the present and how great was his love . So they decided to give baby Jesus presents as a sign of their love for God and his present - - Jesus . They said their gifts were full of the same love . " This sounded real nice , but I wasn 't sure what Santa meant . Other kids were looking around too . The mom 's were shaking their heads yes , but their eyes were saying , " please , please ? " Then Santa got real quiet and started again . " Look kids , Do you want to know the secret of the first and always Christmas gift ? " We all leaned forward and said " Yes ! " Everyone loved secrets . They were like Mr . Jones ' grin . Then Santa sat up straight and said : " Inside of the first and every gift since is an extra secret gift put there by God and little baby Jesus . And by the three wise men who saw baby Jesus born . Would you like to know what it is ? " " Yes ! Yes ! " many shouted . We leaned closer . Then he said , " Moms turn around ! This secret is only for kids . " He said this real loud . And they all turned around . " Come real close kids , real close . " We gathered around . He grabbed one of Nan 's crayons and wrote on a piece of paper . He held it up so we could all see it . There were these letters on it AHASAK ILY . Then he said real soft so only we could hear , " Ahasak Ily , Ahasak Ily . Repeat after me : Ahasak Ily , Ahasak Ily . " We said it and giggled because no one knew what it meant . Nan squeaked , " what does it mean ? what does it mean ? " Then Santa said , " Come closer , come closer ; I 'll write it out and say it for those who can 't read . AH AS AK ILY " It is inside of each of your gifts , and yours for your moma 's and papa 's . It 's God 's gift to you . A hug , a smile , a kiss and an I love you inside of every gift , big or small . Do you see ? " We all understood . No one spoke , we just looked around and nodded at each other and smiled . We knew the secret . Then Santa said , " Now kids , let 's give that gift to your moms and then I 'll hear what you want for Christmas ; one at a time . But first and be quiet ; what 's inside of every gift ? " " Ahasak Ily , " we said softly . Now Santa told us to turn around and face the mom 's and to wait for his signal to show and tell our mom 's about the gift . But he said don 't say the secret word . He said , " When I tell the moms to turn around , I want you to say , Ôa hug ! ' Then hug yourself and toss it to your mom . And then say , Ôa smile ! ' Then smile and pick it off your face and toss it to your mom . And then yell , Ôa kiss ! ' Then kiss your hands and blow the kiss to your mom and holler ÔI love you ! ' Okay ? " Then Santa said in a loud voice , " Moms , turn around ! " The kids have something for you , don 't you kids ? " Then Santa said , " Now let 's hurry up . Santa 's got a lot to do tonight . Now come up one at a time . " I was happy and so was Nan . But then Jimmy came over and said , " Remember - - don 't tell ! " I was right back at the bottom . I looked at my shoes and shuffled along . I wanted to run home , but all the kids would see . What will I do ? What will I do ? Then it was my turn . I looked up . His eyes looked like he knew . " Oh boy , what will I do ? " Little Nan pushed me and Santa picked me up and sat me on his knee . He leaned down to me and said , " What do you want for Christmas , little one with the floppy hair ? " I looked down and mumbled , " I don 't know . " He got quiet and said , " then tell me . . . have you gotten something for your moma and papa ? " Something popped inside and I couldn 't hold it in any more . I pulled his head next to my mouth and cried and then blurted out the whole story so only he could hear : about how I tried , Mr . Jones , Miss Pauline , the owl , the whoosh , Jimmy and Homer . He held my head with his hand and said , " here , wipe your eyes on my beard . Have I got a deal for you . Take this candy cane . . . don 't eat it ! Put it under your pillow and dream real hard . Dream about what to get for your moma and papa and yourself . When you see it in your dream , I 'll hear you . This is going to be a special Christmas for you . " I felt better because I 'd told , but still didn 't know what to do . Nan 's mother took me home . She said my mother and dad were running late . When I walked in , my moma asked , " Did Santa give you anything ? " I held up the candy cane . " Are you going to eat it now , " she said . " Oh no ! " And I hurried up the stairs to my room . I put the candy cane under the pillow and checked twice to make sure it didn 't show . I looked for papa . He wasn 't in his chair . I ran into the kitchen and asked moma where he was . Moma said , " He and Uncle Jeff had to go away for a business trip tonight , but he will be home in a few days . ( I missed papa but loved it when he came home . He 'd always run up the stairs , two - at - a - time , and holler , ÔWhat a day ! What a day ! ' Then he would pick me up , give me a hug and a kiss and shove a small gift in my pocket . ) Yes , I 'd be happy when papa got home . Then I looked up at the fireplace mantle and didn 't see papa 's trophy . " Oh no ! " I thought to myself , " no shiny trophy - no Christmas - a slow , low Christmas . What will I do ? What will I do ? " I ran into the kitchen and said , " Moma , moma can I see your pin , your pretty pin ? " " No Ned , " she said , " it 's time for bed . I put it away . It 's time for bed . " I crawled under the covers and moma kissed me and said , " Good night my little angel owl . " " Oh ! " I cried to myself . And then I felt the candy cane under the pillow . I shut my eyes real tight . But all I could see and all I could hear was the last edge of the shiny quarter as is slipped under . . . and the whoosh of the water . The next two days went quickly and slowly at the same time . I couldn 't see anything when I held the candy cane . " That Santa ! " I thought , " what a story he told . ÔHave I got a deal for you ! . Harrumph ! " I was home after school when I heard a car door slam . I looked out the big front window and saw papa talking to Uncle Jeff through the car door . He turned and I held my breath , waiting for him to run up the steps , two - at - a - time - - and to pick me up and . . . . He walked up the walk and kicked at a leaf and took the steps , one - step - at - a - time . " Oh no , " I thought , " What have I done . " I sat on the bottom stair step and cried and cried . Moma peeked out the kitchen door and said , " Is that papa ? " " Yes , " I said as I wiped my eyes . " He 's upstairs , " I said and ran outside and called to Princess . We sat on the back steps for a long , long time . I hugged her as hard as I could . I cried and I cried , and hugged Princess . Princess just wagged her stubby tail and licked the tears from my cheek . I hugged her some more . After dinner , I went straight to bed . I didn 't reach for the candy cane . All I could think was , " What will I do ? What will I do ? Christmas is two days away and what will I do ? " The days passed like a bad dream . I went to school , sat in the corner , came home and sat with Princess . " Boy , " I thought , " I should be a dog . " All she has to do , and can do , is love and lick ! I told her what had happened . She didn 't care . She licked me harder and climbed up in my lap . And now it was Christmas Eve ! Moma was wrapping cookies and papa was putting lights and glass bulbs on the tree . " Come help me little Ned , " he said . I looked up at him and said , " I 'm tired and want to go to bed . Can Princess sleep with me tonight ? Is it okay ? " Moma looked at me and then at papa and with her eyes said , " Okay ? " Papa said , " sure , it 's Christmas Eve . " But papa 's trophy was still not where it should be . " A slow , low Christmas , " I said to myself . " What little Ned ? , " papa said . " Good night papa , good night moma , " I said . I got Princess inside . She swept up the stairs with her nose glued to each step . Papa laughed . When I got to my room , Princess was sniffing under my pillow . Oh no ! My candy cane ! . I forgot ! But Princess already had half in her mouth . " All right , " I said " but no more ! It 's all I 've got and I need it tonight ! I really was tired . I remembered Santa 's story and smiled and gave Princess a hug . She kissed me a slurpy one , laced with candy cane breath . And then something popped inside . " I 've got it ! " I said to myself . " Ahasak Ily . That 's all I 've got . I hope it 's enough . " I gave Princess the rest of the candy cane and sneaked out my door to the top of the stairs . Moma and papa were still there ; trimming the tree and wrapping cookies . I thought , " I 'll have to wait until they go to sleep . " I went back to my room and told Princess to wake me up when moma and papa were asleep . As I fell asleep , I thought about that strange Santa . I went down stairs and found a box , some string , some paper and a pencil . I wrote very carefully and wrapped up the box and wrote moma and papa on it . Then I stuffed it way back under the tree , behind all the other packages of cookies and things . I went back to bed and almost fell right to sleep with my arms around Princess . But as the wings of sleep came down on me ( that 's what moma told me sleep was ; the wise old owl 's wings protecting me through the night ) , I caught a glimmer of the telescope in the jewelry store . Christmas Morning Sooner than I thought it could be , papa was yelling up to me , " It 's Christmas ! It 's Christmas ! Everyone come down ! " I jumped up happy as can be . " It 's Christmas ! , It 's Christmas ! " I said to Princess . We both ran to the stairs . I stopped and wondered if moma and papa would like my gift . Then I tumbled down the stairs and skidded to a stop in front of the Christmas tree . Moma was holding papa , but she wasn 't wearing her pin and oh no ! papa 's trophy was still not there . " Will they like my present . Will they like my present , " I thought , or " will it be a slow , low Christmas for me ? " Moma looked up at me and said , " Uncle Jeff will be here soon , shall we wait for him to open the presents ? " " No moma , " I said , " let me give yours and papa 's first . " They looked at each other with questions in their eyes . " All right , " papa said , " where is it little Ned ? " " Right here , " I said as I dug under the tree and handed it to moma . She smiled and gave me a hug . I said , " open it moma ! open it papa ! " They opened it together and pulled out the slip of paper and looked at it . Papa looked at moma , raised his eyebrows , smiled and said , " AHASAK ILY ! Sounds like a town in New Jersey . " Moma looked straight at me and said , " What 's it mean little Ned ? " I was scared . This wasn 't going to work . It 's still a mess . What will I say ? What will I say ? Moma said again , " What 's it mean little Ned ? " I took a deep breath and something popped inside . I opened my mouth and out came the story : about Mr . Jones , the owl , Miss Pauline , the shiny quarters , the whoosh , Jimmy and Homer and what Santa had said . They didn 't say a thing . Then I said , " I didn 't have anything to give so I thought I could give you the gift inside - - Ahasak Ily . . . a hug , a smile , a kiss and an I love you . But it 's a secret just between you and me , and every time you look at it you will see - - the gift from inside of me . . . do you see ? " Moma was crying and laughing at the same time ; so was papa . And he never cries . We hugged and smiled and kissed and told each other , I love you . Even Princess jumped in ! Just then the door burst open - - it was Uncle Jeff and he said , " Merry Christmas , Merry Christmas ! " He looked up and down and left and right , and patted his leg . " Well , " he said , " why all the red eyes ! Let 's open some presents ! " Uncle Jeff passed out the presents like he always did . An apple and special cheese for papa , cookies for Uncle Jeff , and ribbons and pears for moma , some colored pencils and a balloon for me . Then Uncle Jeff bent real low under the tree in the spot where I had put moma 's and papa 's present and said , " what 's this I see ? " Moma and papa put their hands up to their faces like they were real surprised . ( I had seen them play like this before . ) Uncle Jeff , with the biggest smile I had ever seen said , " Well , it 's for you little Ned ! The tag says it 's from moma , papa , Uncle Jeff . . . and Santa ? ( Now Moma really did look surprised ) The box wasn 't very big , it was long and thin . I held it like I had held Princess yesterday . " Come ! Get it open , " said Uncle Jeff , " I want to see . " I ripped off the paper with moma 's help and opened the box and oh , oh ! It was brass and the most beautiful thing I had ever seen . . . my telescope ! Ring ! Ring ! Ring ! " Oh , it 's the telephone , " I said to myself as I woke up and got out of my favorite chair . I looked at the clock , I still had half an hour before I had to go to the library and play Santa 's helper . I ran back to the kitchen and picked up the phone . " Hello , " I said . " Ned , hurry on up ! The kids are going crazy over here ! " the voice said . I said back , " but it 's not time and I don 't have the suit on yet . " " Well hurry and don 't forget the bells ! " she said . " Okay , okay , " I said . Then quick and low , she said , " do you really have to leave before I get home ? " " Yes Nan , " I said , " but I 'll be back soon . " I ran upstairs , two - at - a - time . I pulled on the official Santa 's helper 's suit . I straightened the beard and . . . oh no ! I wasn 't going to have time to make my nose red and my cheeks pink like I wanted to . And this pillow just won 't do . " I 'll just have to stick my belly out , " I said to myself . Homer , our new cat , just looked at me like cats do and purred . I ran down the stairs and out the door . I grabbed the bells and gave them a yank - - all they did was clank . I jumped into the car and drove down to the little library where Nan worked . I thought about the bells , but there wasn 't anything I could do . They 'll just have to do . Nan opened the library 's back door and pulled me in . She said , " Have you got the bells ? " I held them up . She stepped back and looked at me and giggled . " You look just fine , " she said . But I was thinking , " What shall I do ? What shall I do ? I 've never been a Santa 's helper before ! " I asked Nan , " What shall I do ? " She said , " just be Santa , it 'll do . " " Great ! " I thought , I still didn 't know what to do , and I have to drive to Detroit tonight ! I hid behind a screen while the head librarian said , " Kids what do you hear ? What do you hear ? " I clanked the bells . They didn 't make much noise . The librarian said again , " What do you hear ? " And with her hand behind the screen , she motioned to me , " ring real hard ! " I did but all they did was clank . Then she said , " It must be Santa ! " All the kids began to scream and giggle . And I walked out . All I could see was what looked like a hundred kids in this little room . And they were all looking at me ! I didn 't know where to go and looked around . Someone pushed me towards what seemed to be the tiniest chair . " Sit there and give them each a candy cane , " someone said . " Now kids , Santa wants to talk to you , line up and Santa will talk to you ! " the head librarian said . But all the kids did - - was crowd up . I opened my mouth and barked , " Santa wants to talk to you . . . everybody sit down ! " They did . The moms looked puzzled but still eager for their kids . I started again : " Santa 's got a story for you . " " What story ? " I thought to myself , " I can 't just do the Ho ! Ho ! Ho ! bit . . . that 's not in me . " Then I remembered the first Christmas and the baby Jesus story . I wanted to get it just right , so I started real slow and stumbled at first . When I finished , the kids and the moms smiled but they looked at each other with puzzles in their eyes . And the dark mop of hair just kept looking at the floor . I took another deep breath and something popped inside , AHASAK ILY , " That 's it ! " I thought , " I 'll tell them about Ahasak Ily . " " Do you want to know the secret about the first and always Christmas gift ? " Then everything just flowed . When the kids blew their kisses and hollered " I love you ! " some of the moms were laughing , some were crying , and Nan laughed and cried at the same time . I saw old Mr . Jones way in the back , and he grinned a big secret grin . I was having a ball and wasn 't even thinking about my trip . I held some on my lap when they told me what they wanted , and some of them stood on my knees when I gave them their candy canes . They laughed and they giggled . I asked some if they had gotten something for their moma and papa . When they said they did , I was sure to tell them their 's would be a special Christmas . I saw the little dark mop , but he was still looking down . I got lost with the other kids and was just having fun . Then there he was right in front of me . Someone gave him a little shove . I picked him up and put him on my knee . I leaned over and said , " Do you know what you want for Christmas ? Do you know ? " He didn 't look up . He just shrugged his shoulders and said , " I don 't know . " I didn 't know what else to say , so I leaned closer , looked into his eyes and said , " Have you gotten your moma and papa something yet ? " He started to blubber and pulled me real close . He said , " I tried , but I lost my money instead ! " I wanted to cry with him . I didn 't know what to say . I wiped his tears with my fake beard . I took a deep breath and again , something popped inside . I said , " Have I got a deal for you ! Take this candy cane and stick it under your pillow . Dream real hard and it will be all right . Santa will hear you . This will be aspecial Christmas for you ! " |
Tomorrow ends the first month of this new year . Wow , I guess this is going to be another one of those fast years . Hope I don 't blink and miss something . . . ; - ) We went to Stacy and Jackie 's school today , to participate in Grandparent 's Day . They provided a little breakfast and then each grade was allowed to sing a patriotic song in front of the crowd . The food was acceptable and I had plenty of water to drink . We then went to their class rooms where we were treated to all the activities they were doing , and in Jackie 's class they did a separate presentation for the parents - they didn 't sing in the hall . Once that was all over we came back to the house and began taking care of other things we needed to get done , like getting the Fusion smogged . The big thing done today though , was to get our travel arrangements completed for the retreat we are going to , with EOD Warrior Foundation . We 'll be flying out to Virginia at the end of February and staying for a few days , then coming home on March 2 . We will be arranging care for Jason and making sure everything is in place that should make his life a little easier . Joselyn will be coming in for frequent visits and helping him with his daily showers , along with other stuff . Tomorrow I hope to get a bike ride in , early in the morning and then we can head over to Stacy 's soccer game . Not really sure where it is , but it can 't be too far away , as none of them are . . . I hope . We should be back relatively early in the afternoon , and we can see what else we need to get done . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning I got up at about 05 : 45 , so that I could ride my bike over to a breakfast meeting with one of the men 's groups from the Point Loma Presbyterian Church . Funny part was that I was the second person to arrive ( I was still pretty early ) , and the other person already there was also new to the group . Within a few minutes a larger group showed up and the meeting took place . It was very nice and I enjoyed the discussions that went on . They wanted to know more about Jason and exactly what had happened to him , and then also more about the family in general . I was glad I went and think I will go again - I rode my bike so that I could just go from there to the rest of my ride , and I did . The down part was that at about 15 miles I got a flat , and had to turn and walk the rest of the way back home . At that location I was only about 1 1 / 2 miles form the house , so it wasn 't too bad . I headed back to the house because I also knew that Linda and I had to go to Jackie 's " Cowboy Days " celebration with her preschool . It was fun and the kids had a great time , though the teacher sure did have to work hard . Jason also attended the event and Jackie was happy to see us all there . She came and gave Jason a big hug when she saw us . After getting back to the house we all sat down and had our lunch , and relaxed a little . After the brief rest we went back to work again . The paramobile was still in the truck so I needed Jason to move the truck , in order for me to be able to get it out of the truck . It really didn 't take that long to accomplish , and once that was done we , Jason and I , went down to the auto repair shop to get the truck tire fixed . The guy saw the tire and fixed it , and then told us that the hole in the tire was pretty big . He was able to plug it , then cautioned us on driving too long with that repair . Because of the size of the hole he said that the plug might not last very long . Jason decided to buy a new tire , and we 'll pick it up tomorrow afternoon . Speaking of tomorrow . . . Linda and I will again be headed back over to the girls ' school , because it is Grandparents Day . We will be going for breakfast and then get to visit the class rooms as well as a presentation in the hall . Linda said we should be done by 11 : 00 so it will allow me to finish up on a few more chores I have here at the house . The rest of today was pretty quiet , and in the evening Linda and I went to see Selma , the movie . That was a very rough time for this country and thank God for Dr . Martin Luther King . He led the movement that was very uncomfortable , yet necessary . If you have the time and want to see a good movie , please go see it . On top of the quality of the movie and enjoying our date night , the tickets were super cheap - the theater has special prices on Tuesday and Thursday . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Today was another busy day , and we had the girls with us an extra day this week . We love having them with us , but because of the normal schedule we do try to plan things around when they 're with us and when they 're not . Anyway , they will be going with their mother tomorrow , and we 'll have a few days to do some catch up . On top of that the van is still not working and I had to schedule a couple of visits from the Ability Center to see if they can figure out why it isn 't working , and then possibly repair it . As it turned out I got quite a nice bit of training on how their system is put together ( I hung around with the tech while he trouble shot the system ) . From all that I could see , the issue is with Ford and not their system . Simply put , the van won 't come out of Park , and therefore we can 't drive it . It was taken over to Ford , by the Ability Center folks , and now we just have to wait to see what they can find out . The rest of the day was spent taking care of some errands and working with the girls . We had a good day , just didn 't get done some of those things we would have liked to have gotten done . One of the big ones is Jason 's new chair . Jason hasn 't been able to ride it because I haven 't transferred the chest belt from his old chair to the new chair . It isn 't a simple change over . I am going to have to head over to Home Depot or Ace Hardware to find the parts I need to secure it to the new chair . Once that is done Jason will be able to use the chair , and get to take advantage of the new features . This has got to be one of the busiest days we 've had , in the past couple of years . We got up pretty much our normal time , but the girls weren 't going to be going to school today . We had a different destination for this morning - The Ground - Breaking Ceremony for Jason 's future home ! We wanted to be out of the house by about 08 : 00 and we made it at 08 : 01 , so I considered that a total win . The time constraint was something I had put on , as a result of the need to drive up to Fallbrook , and be there by 09 : 30 , for the ceremony . As it turned out we got to the staging area ( a Park and Ride parking lot , just off I - 15 ) , where we met up with a group of Freedom Riders ( it looked like there were about 12 of them ) , who were to escort us to the actual ceremony , on Jason 's property . We arrived at 09 : 15 , which I found out later was a little on the early side . This was both good and bad , because it did provide us a chance to get our feet on the ground and see what was going on and see what was going on ; the down side was that the Fire Department had sent over a truck to go with us , as well as two CHP officers , and they all arrived after we had already left . It didn 't impact the ceremony at all , just that it would have been fun to have had all of them there and we would have made a bigger entrance . . . and Jason deserved the bigger entrance . He drove himself in his truck , with Gracie , and the rest of us followed close behind in our car ( and obviously the Freedom Riders ) . The ceremony it self was done very well , and there were several news teams filming and cameras set up everywhere . There was at least five others with professional cameras , and then the guests with their cameras . I think I was able to get maybe 6 or 7 shots , and handed my camera to a few other people , who took some pictures for us . Bottom line is that there were a bunch of pictures taken and we were shown on a couple of the news stations , as well as being posted on the Gary Sinise Foundation web site - www . garysinisefoundation . org and on their FaceBook page . I 'm posting a few pictures here as well . We got to see a rendering of the house , and what it is to look like when it is built , and it looks wonderful . One of the things I didn 't do was to take a picture of the rendering , so I will have to see if I can find it somewhere else . The actual ceremony only lasted for about 30 minutes , and then another hour of working with the news organizations . I initially thought that only Jason was going to be interviewed , and discovered that Linda and I were sot out by them , so we were all kept busy . I was thankful for all the people who chipped in and helped with the girls , and the best part was that the girls new several of the people who were there , so it made it that much easier . After all was done we were able to head out and get some lunch , and checked out a Mexican restaurant in Fallbrook . The name of the restaurant is Tekila ( sort of a twist on blending tequila and technology ) and the bottom line is that the food was good , so we will probably be going back . We headed back to the house , and found out that going down I15 and then 163 to 5 to the house was faster than going straight down I5 . I took the shorter route and didn 't drive any faster than I would normally go - I had the girls in the car with me . Jason and Linda were in the truck , this way we could both take advantage of the commuter lanes . I got home ahead of Jason by almost 5 minutes . We did get to see Billy Wagasy one last time to end the day . He came by to check on Jason 's new chair , to make sure it was working properly and that Jason was happy with it . He stayed for a short visit ( he still had to drive back up to Los Angeles ) and we got a few more pictures , then he was on his way . After this there were several phone calls , and then we were able to get dinner ready and we sat down and ate . Linda gave the girls a bath , and shortly thereafter , they were in bed . The day was finally winding down . We are hoping to be able to catch some of the late news to see if any of it made it on , so we could see it . We know it was shown because people have told us , we 'd just like to see it for ourselves . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This has been a very nice , kick - back kind ' a day . We got up this morning at about 07 : 00 and I went for a quick 15 mile ride , while the girls spent some time with Daddy ( Jason ) , in his bed . Linda got breakfast going for them and when I got back I took over . This gave Linda a chance to go up stairs and get ready for church and for me to cool down a little . After the girls finished their breakfast I helped them start to get ready to go to church , and even Jason came in to provide some support . Linda came down and took over so I could go up and get ready , and then we were off . It was nice to have Jason at church with us , as several of the folks were happy to see him . After the services we came back to the house and shortly there after I fixed lunch . Then it was rest time , and we all just relaxed for a little while . I eventually went out and did a couple of finishing touches on the new chair , and brought it into the house ; and that was pretty much it . The rest of the evening was just doing a little clean up in the kitchen and living room ; the girls played in their room ( they took all their stuffed toys and pillows and put a blanket over the pile . Then they took turns jumping on it ) . Not much else happened today , other than dinner and the girls watching the movie Wall - E . I think they have seen it a few times , but like many other movies , they can watch it over and over , and besides it does have a nice message . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Nice day for us today , though it started out a little on the crazy side . Stacy had a soccer game this morning , and we were supposed to have gotten up a little earlier than we actually did . As a result we had to move quickly to make sure we were not only ready , but also got to the game on time . . . and we did . We actually arrived before most of the rest of the team did , and a few minutes before the coach . Stacy had a great game , and both teams ( kindergartners ) played their hearts out . As far as both teams are concerned , both teams won - me personally , I believe the score was 2 - 2 . The rest of the day was spent relaxed at home . There were some of the basic chores to be done , and about the most strenuous thing I had to do was clean and change Mr . Jingles ' cage . For a rat , he sure is a pretty neat pet . When Jason got him originally my thought was , " What are you thinking ? " Now he just seems to be a regular part of the environment and he does help to entertain Jason , so I guess it was the right thing to do . Tomorrow we 'll be going to church in the morning and then coming back to the house . I don 't have much else planned for the day , though I might consider trying to get an early bike ride in . I 'll see if I can get Jason on to his new chair a little , so that he can get comfortable with it , and that is about the extent of what is happening . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . One of the nice things about blogspot is that they have plenty of data to show how your blog is doing and what kind of readership you might be collecting . All of this data is great , IF you take the time to look at it , and sometimes I don 't . I just noticed that I 've past the 1200 posting mark with the blog , and that is a bunch of posts . I thank you all , whoever you are , for continuing to read and follow Jason 's development . It started out as a recovery from the injuries , and now has morphed into simply what life has continued to toss his way ( and in many aspects , OUR way ) . Getting this blog started was something that Linda suggested all those years ago , and I 'm glad she did , for many reason , this has been very therapeutic for me . Linda and I got up to a nice little surprise this morning , and that was that they recycle guys had already come by , and they picked up the large cardboard box Jason 's new chair came in , and I " knew " that I was going to have to go down this morning and ask them to . I guess that was a wrong guess on my part . We really didn 't have much to do this morning , except wait for Brian and Billy to show up , so that the chair could be put together , so I decided that it was time for me to clean up the backyard . And cleaning it needed . I spent about four hours raking and pulling and moving and just plain taking care of the stuff that needed to be taken care of . I worked up a good sweat , to say the least . On top of all that my phone was busy and I was talking with all kinds of folks , making appointments and either getting or giving information . Bottom line is that it was all very positive . Just about the time I had all the piles of leaves and twigs done in the backyard Brian showed up , with his girl friend , Lindsey and his dog Mia . Also found out that Billy wasn 't going to be able to get here , as he had another issue he needed to take care of . As it turned Brian and I worked on Jason 's chair ( Brian was providing me with the " training " for what I was able to do ) . Jason had an appointment he needed to get to , though he was able to sit in the chair to help with Brian getting the correct adjustments made . Shortly after Jason left , Linda and Lindsey came out to watch and in a little while we were able to finish the chair . There are still a couple of adjustments I can do , if they 're needed . Then Jason will have himself a new chair all ready for his use . He will need to get it over to the Ability Center , so that they can put the connector latch on the chair , so he can use it to drive his truck , and this way he 'll have two chairs . Brian waited for a little while , to see if Jason would be able to get back before he had to leave , but it wasn 't to be . Linda got some pictures of the efforts , and I 've shown them below , so you can see what we were working on . We found Brian to be a very knowledgeable and skilled technician , especially considering that he is a triple amputee - amazing to say the least . For those who have seen the movie American Sniper , yes , this is the same guy in that movie - like I said , pretty amazing . When Jason got home , he was pretty happy with what he saw , and we 'll be working to get everything else that needs to be done - done . We want to be able to have the chair for the ground breaking event coming up , as the chair is another gift from the Gary Sinise Foundation . The more we find out about Gary and the Foundation , the more we are humbled by all of this . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Getting the controller arm in place Today was a pretty nice day , for all of us . I got up at about 07 : 30 , and I understand that Linda got up a couple hours later - but more on that later . Jason and I had a couple of bowls of cereal and then just a few minutes later ( maybe as much as 15 , I really wasn 't tracking ) I went out for a bike ride . Before getting our cereal , I finished cleaning the kitchen - something I was supposed to do last night - so that kind of delayed my getting on the bike . I went for a nice 27 mile ride , and probably could have gone much farther but it was getting later than I like and I felt compelled to get back to the house . When I got back , Linda was out in the garage and Jason was in his room . Linda was doing some laundry and Gracie was , being Gracie , you know laying around and sometimes getting underfoot . As it turned out I could have stayed out a bit longer and there wouldn 't have been any problems . I guess I 'm just a " worry wart . " A little later in the day Linda and I went to Costco to get some food , and also to get some gas for the car . And that was pretty much our day . I did make some orange - sesame chicken for Jason and I , for lunch ( Linda had a bite , too ) , and it was pretty good . Tonight Linda and I watched a Denzel Washington movie , The Equalizer , and found it to be entertaining , though a bit bloody as his movies sometimes do . The story starts a bit slow , then gains some momentum about 15 minutes into it . After that it is pretty non - stop , and intense . I 'm glad we got to see it , and that Jason had it in his collection . Tomorrow we will be working on Jason 's new chair , and I hope to see him ride it . The challenge is that Jason has an appointment in the early afternoon , and I think that 's about the time Brian was going to be showing up . I 'll be getting on this first thing in the morning , and probably no bike ride tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started out very relaxed and kind of " normal " , whatever that is . We got the girls up and off to school , and they 'll be gone for a couple of days , then we 'll have them again for the next five . Towards the end of that five day period is the ground breaking for Jason 's new house . Actually , the ground breaking ceremony played a big part of today , as Jason and I went to Balboa for his appointments , and while there I checked with as many people I could , to make sure they all were aware of the ground breaking , and all but two of them were . It looks like there is going to be a nice sized crowd and that should make it fun . Tonight Jason wanted to take us to the movies , so we went and saw American Sniper , and it was not only a very good movie , we actually knew one of the Wounded Warriors in the movie . He is the guy in the wheel chair who is typically dressed in black - for those who saw the movie , he was the " smoker . " Funny thing is , we didn 't know he was in the movie , until we saw it tonight - and he is going to be here on Friday . I intend to give him a hard time about not telling us . He 's coming over to help Jason with his new power chair , so it will be good to see him for sure . Tomorrow I intend to get up , a little on the early side , but not too early , and then go for a bike ride . Linda said she is planning to stay in bed for a little while , as this is going to be a nice chance for her to just relax and enjoy it . I don 't know what Jason 's plans are for the morning , but I 'm sure he will be relaxing a bit as well . Thank you , for continuing to support and pray for us . Take care and stay positive . We got the girls up this morning and they were both a bit slow in rising . Neither of them seemed too excited about going to school this morning , but once we got them moving it was much better . Linda and I have basically worked out a team effort in getting them up and moving in the morning . Basically Linda goes in and starts to get the girls moving , and I may go in to help initially . My focus is more on the food side of the equation . I make sure they have a breakfast before going off to school and to insure they have a lunch that is both delicious and nutritious ( I learned that phrase from Linda ) when she ran her day care . Anyway , the girls were out the door with time to get to the school and ready for their new day . After we got back to the house Jason needed to get over to the VA , by Mission Valley , and I wanted to be with him at this particular appointment . I also wanted to get a bike ride in , so I decided to ride my bike over , and let him drive . There was also the factor that he would be heading over to La Jolla VA afterward , and I didn 't need to go to that appointment , so by taking my bike I could just ride on home and it would work for both of us . The only glitch in that schedule was that Jason 's appointments were actually about an hour later than he thought so he just ended up driving back to the house , and by the time I arrived he was getting ready to leave again . Jason received a new power wheelchair today , and it is now sitting in the garage . I had to move a few things around to make room , and it also allowed me the ability to get rid of some things . Linda was also out in the garage for most of that time , and we worked together pretty well . The chair will be fully assembled this weekend , baring any issues . Brian Anderson will be coming by to put it together on Friday , and Billy Wagasy from Gary Sinise Foundation will also coming by . The chair was arranged through them and they would like to get some pictures of Jason with his chair . Speaking of chairs , and seating solutions . . . while Jason was at the La Jolla VA he was able to meet with some of the specialists there and they have a possible new option for Jason , and it sounds rather promising . It may be a while before we see it , but at least they are working towards something to help Jason be more comfortable . My guess is that it will be a couple of months before anything happens , but maybe that is a good thing . Too many things , too fast can be very uncomfortable . Stacy had a nice soccer practice this evening , and while we were there Jackie kept us entertained with all her running around . I eventually walked with her , Jackie , over to a new playground area that is attached to the park . When Stacy 's practice was over she came over to join us and both the girls played on the equipment for a few minutes . We couldn 't stay too long as dinner still needed to be cooked , and it was getting later in the evening . Linda gave the girls a bath tonight , and I helped Jason with his shower . Jason 's progress over these past several days has been very good . Effectively , he is down to just a single open wound on his right side , and that is much smaller than it was . It might be Spring before it is closed , but at least it feels like closure is a real possibility , and that hasn 't been that way in a long time . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning began with a slow moving me , getting out of bed . It felt good to sleep in our own bed again , and I guess I was kind of tired . I still woke at about 06 : 30 , but didn 't get out of bed until after 07 : 00 . I knew the girls were going to be coming and I wanted to be sure we were ready for them . As it turned out they didn 't arrive until after 09 : 00 , so I actually had plenty of time to get some of the stuff we had taken with us , put away . When they did arrive Stacy was full of energy and happy to see us and Jackie was feeling a bit cranky , so I am guessing she didn 't get enough sleep the night before . Once in the house she came to me and I picked her up for a little while , with her head on my shoulder . And , in a little while longer she was feeling much better . Linda had been feeling that yo - yo affect of being sick with the flu , when you 're right at the end of being sick . First you feel better then you feel like you need to lay back down and over and over a few times . Finally she is feeling much better now ( tonight ) , though this morning she was only up for a short time . While she laid back down I took the girls back over to the school ( closed today for MLK day ) so they could ride their bikes . They both really had fun scooting around the parking lot , and getting better with how to handle the bikes . We stayed there about an hour then headed back to the house . Jason had a couple of errands and things to do today , but otherwise he stayed down . He took off on his own , for the errands , and he is becoming much more independent with his truck . This is a very good thing for all of us , as well as for him . Along the lines of getting around , we will be heading over to the VA tomorrow to take care of a couple of those appointments , as well as a meeting on the Ground Breaking that 's coming up . The only other item that is happening tomorrow is that the girls are going to be going back to school . They have been out of school for several days , due to illness and today with the holiday it seems like they haven 't been there for quite some time . The rest of the day , today , was pretty much laid back . The great folks at Serving Spoons came by today with a nice dinner for us . It was Spinach Lasagna , salad and bread . They also provided a nice little dessert to make it a complete meal . We ' er going to miss them once we move up to Fallbrook . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive We are back home now , as we left Livermore this morning . I had planned on getting out at about 09 : 00 and we made it - I felt pretty good about that , considering how Linda was still feeling . On a big plus side , she is feeling much better now , than she did yesterday , and even better than she did this morning . I think she is over the worst of the illness , and now it is just a matter of dealing with the lingering aspects , such as the cough . We did stop to visit with David , and his family , though we really didn 't stay too long . As it turns out Miriam is a bit under the weather as well , so we kept the interfacing down to a minimum . Yesterday was Dylan 's birthday , and we wanted to be sure to deliver his birthday gifts . We also had some other gifts , from Christmas , and that included Ethan . Ethan was also dealing with a bug , and probably the same thing that Linda and Miriam have . He was sleeping when we arrived so we didn 't get a chance to see him , and that is probably a better thing . We 'll see him on the next trip . The drive down to David 's was pretty easy and the traffic was relatively light , and then on the drive back down to San Diego , from David 's was also much easier than I anticipated . We were both very happy about this , and we arrived home at about 19 : 05 ( 7 : 05pm ) - that 's about an hour sooner than I thought we 'd get here . As we walked up to the door , it opened and Joselyn was there to great us . She had been taking care of Jason while we were gone , and now she was there to greet us . The house was very clean and everything nice and tidy . Jason was in great spirits and apparently he even cooked the dinner last night , for himself . There were some left overs in the refrigerator . We didn 't stay up too late , and in fact Linda went to bed by 20 : 00 ( 8pm ) , and I stayed up a little longer . Like I said , Linda is feeling better , though she is still pretty tired and just wanted to get some sleep . The girls will be here in the morning ( no school because of MLK day ) , so we want to be as refreshed as possible . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was supposed to be another day of visiting with some friends and just plain relaxing . As it turned out , Linda woke up not feeling very good , and it was simply a continuation from yesterday , only a little worse . I let her stay in bed and I went to go visit George and Jane Bowen , and spent about two hours just talking with them . After that I went to visit with Joe and Toni Smith , and had a nice lunch at their place , then later I got together with a bunch of friends from the Presbyterian Church . It would have been so much better to have had Linda with me , but it turned out to be a better idea to have her just stay down . I am hoping that tomorrow she 'll feel at least a little better , since we will be driving back down to Southern California . Anyway , the day is at an end and I think I 'm going to be going to bed . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today we managed to stay in the Tri - valley area and visited with family and friends . First off we went over and picked up George and then over Linda 's friend Terry 's house . Linda and Terry were going to breakfast and George and I decided we were going to go to breakfast too . Terry 's husband , Joe was there , so that was kind of nice to be able to see him , but he apparently had caught some sort of " bug " and we didn 't want to risk catching anything ourselves . Our visit there was no more than maybe 10 minutes , though we were still able to get a couple of pictures . After breakfast , George and I did a little running around and taking care of errands , and then I dropped him off at Safeway , where he works . He really loves his job at Safeway , and apparently they think he is wonderful . We are very grateful for that , as we know he will be taken care of without us having to be around . We did go over and see Larry and Joyce , Linda 's brother and his wife , and give them a little send - off , since they are going off on a trip . It was another short visit and we were gone in a matter of a few minutes , and off to our next stop . We went to visit a friend of ours , Judy , at New Oceanic , a Chinese restaurant . She is an amazing little lady who remembers us and many details that continue to surprise both of us . When we left there we headed over to Karen and Mike 's place to have some dinner , with them and several other people . The food was great and it was really nice seeing everyone , and I hope we get to do it every time we come to visit . The day was pretty much done and we headed back to the hotel , and that gave me a chance to blog . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . As many of you are aware , we are traveling right now , and as a result , getting to put a posting out on the blog is a bit challenging . The trip up to Livermore was uneventful , just the way I like travel to be , and yet still faster than anticipated . I thought it would take close to 8 hours and it was closer to 7 hours for that long drive . We even had an opportunity to stop in and visit with Linda 's parents , Joe and Jess , for about 90 minutes , and it was both an nice rest as well as refreshing for us . It is always good to visit with them . We did , in fact get up when we wanted to and made our way over to San Francisco , to spend some time with Sean . He is looking great ( pictures tomorrow , I hope . I need to either find the cable or possibly purchase one , so that I can transfer pictures to the laptop ) . He has a couple of dogs , he calls them his boys , and they are looking great too . We all took them for a nice walk , and visit around the city , and it turned out to be a very nice day for all of us . We finally had to leave and head back in , where we had dinner with Larry and Joyce , Linda 's brother and his wife . They treated us to a nice dinner at Outback Steak House , and it wasn 't too far from the hotel we 're staying at . The time with them was enjoyable and the conversation was basically all about catching up on the different things happening with us , as well as those happening with them . Finally , we got back to the hotel and I got on to my email , and saw that I had a couple hundred waiting for me . This is always a time consuming aspect , yet it is one of the best ways to keep in touch with all the friends . One of the emails was from Gary Sinise Foundation , and it was an invitation to the ground breaking for Jason 's new home . It is officially set for the 27th , and at 10 : 00 . We will be sending it out to a bunch of our family and friends , close by and even some who are farther away . It should be a fun time for all , and I promise , more pictures . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Another day with the girls doing a little better , but still far from being 100 % of their normal selves . They both had temps of over 101 and we did end up taking them to the doctor 's office . Apparently we are still doing the right things with them , we just wish we could get them to be feeling better faster . We kept them home from school and looks like tomorrow is going to be more of the same . The big difference is that they go back to their mom 's place , and Linda and I are headed up to Livermore . We won 't be able to tell how they are doing for five days . The good news is that they are progressively getting better , so we think they should get back to that 100 % level soon . Not much else going on today , other than the normal things we tend to do every day . About the only two things that would be classified as different would be taking the girls to the doctor 's office and us packing for the trip . We plan on driving up to Livermore to check on some personal things and visit with some of our friends , and most importantly , spend some time with Sean and George . They are the two that get the least amount of time with us , and we feel that we need to figure out how to remedy that situation . Neither of them make much money , so regular travel just isn 't a viable solution , at the moment , though I am sure we 'll be able to come up with something , a little down the road . We 'll be leaving mid - morning , tomorrow and stopping at Linda 's parents for a short visit . From there we 'll drive straight up to Milpitas where we plan to stop and have dinner ( one of our favorite restaurants is in Milpitas , called La Milpa - wonderful Mexican food ) . While there we plan on having that dinner with Jason 's Godparents , Steve and Yolanda and start with some catching up right there . From there we 'll continue on to Livermore and check in at our hotel and get some sleep . The next day will begin with a visit to Sean , in San Francisco then George the next day and we 'll just do our best to meet with as many people as we can . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . These past couple of days have been challenging , to say the least . The bad news is that the girls got pretty sick with the flu , or something , before we go them , and they progressively got sicker . Both of them were running temps of up to 102 . 2 , and we spent a few late night hours comforting them . We gave them fever reducer and cough medicine , as well as other care and that brings us to the good news . They seem to be over whatever it was , and as of this afternoon they 're back to their normal happy selves . Jason spoke with their pediatrician a couple times , or at least their advice nurse , and it seems we were doing everything we were supposed to be doing , and if their conditions hadn 't improved today , they would be going in tomorrow . Now it seems that isn 't going to be happening , and we can work towards getting back to normal . . . whatever that is . There was one kind of funny thing that happened , and I guess it was the result of crossed communications . Linda said something to Jason about needing some milk from Costco and Jason thought she had said something else . Linda told me that Jason wanted to go to Costco , so I went back and asked him when we were going to be going . He and I got to Costco , a short while later and when we both were in the store we kind of looked at each other and wanted to know who had the list . We ended up calling Linda and asked what we needed to get , besides milk , and she provided us a quick list of things . It felt like someone was filming a sitcom or something , and we were the stars . Otherwise there isn 't much change or update to report on , other than a specific date for ground breaking on Jason 's new home has been set . We are looking forward to January 27th , morning , to put those shovels in the ground and getting this thing going . Once it does happen we will be taking some pictures and you 'll be able to watch some of the progress here . Stay tuned for the exciting adventures to come . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Linda and I were awoken this morning shortly before 06 : 00 by both the girls , and it was still dark outside . They were running fevers and coughing so we got up to do our best to make them more comfortable . Shortly after giving them a fever reducer and cough medicine they were doing pretty well , so that was a good start for the day . I did have to go pick up some Pedialyte and fortunately they both like drinking it . We really didn 't do much except stay around the house ( aside from a couple of runs I made to the store ) . The girls weren 't feeling good and Jason wasn 't either . We both kind of stepped up our efforts to disinfect everything right after the girls go through , and even in some of the areas around Jason 's bedroom . By the end of the day everyone seemed to be doing a little better , so I am hopeful that it won 't get too much worse and perhaps by Monday they will all be doing much better . Tomorrow it is supposed to rain again , though I don 't know when . If it seems like there is a clear spot I just might attempt to get out on my bike . Otherwise everyone is , again , staying home . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started out with Linda and I getting up with specific thoughts in our heads , as to what we wanted to accomplish . Linda was going to be going out with Joselyn , to have some fun at consignment stores and go out to lunch , and I was going to go for a longer bike ride . My target was at least 30 miles , and I was able to get in 31 . 32 miles , and it was done in just over two hours ( at 24 miles I stopped to eat some apples and drink some water , and it helped allot ) . Jason had his appointment with PT so we all had somewhere to go , and we all left the house in the morning . I think it was the first time for this to happen ; that is , all of us leave and have different agendas . It was one of those " steps " where it seemed like we almost had a more normal life , at least for a little while . As a result of my ride I discovered I will need to stop in at the bike shop tomorrow to correct a small problem with the front derail - er . It wasn 't a big problem , just that it made hills a little more challenging , if they were steep and long . Linda came back with some items she found at an estate sale . Mostly little things that are needed at this house right now . Jason was the first one back at the house , and he just simply went back to his room , and relaxed . The good part is that later this evening , when he took his shower and I did the dressing change , things are looking pretty good . I still wish they 'd heal faster , but then I am his dad and want him to be better , NOW . The girls came to the house , after I picked them up from school . I picked Jackie up from preschool first and we walked over to meet Stacy . Stacy came running over to us and gave me a big hug . As we walked back to the house ( we live really close to the school ) she kind of transformed from happy and energetic to tired and not feeling well . Linda got home just a few minutes after we did and checked Stacy 's temp and found it to be 101 . 8 . She is sick . . . . We gave her some fever reducer and let her sleep a little , and Jackie wanted to show her support and laid down also , saying she was sick . They both got up a little later , Stacy first , and Jackie showed signs of not feeling well . Jackie 's was 100 , so she also got the fever reducer . They both went to bed quietly and I suspect that they will sleep pretty well , even with taking that mid afternoon nap . We were supposed to be taking Stacy to her first soccer game tomorrow , but that isn 't going to be happening now . Jason called the coach and let her know the situation . The other interesting aspect was that Linda 's parents were supposed to be coming over tomorrow and now they are not . Not because the girls are sick , but because Nana ( Linda 's mother ) is also not feeling well . Linda and I are constantly washing our hands because we don 't want to get sick , too . We have a trip coming up in a few days ( we 're driving up to Livermore to visit with our other two sons , Sean and George - but more on that tomorrow ) and getting sick would not be a good thing . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , here we are , into the second week of 2015 , and still no time machine or flying trains ( flying cars and hoover - boards do exist now , just limited in usefulness ) . This is going to be an exciting year , and I hope that excitement is mostly positive . There are so many things to be happy and joyous about , yet there are groups still trying to force their opinion on the rest of the world . I guess I need to be mindful of what this blog is about , and it isn 't a political commentary , Jason continued to improve , and on top of that he took Gracie to the dog groomer and she got a very nice make over . It is probably the best I 've see Gracie look since we took her in . Not sure where he took her , but I think it was at the shop inside Petco . While he was doing that I was out on a bike ride and got in 24 . 24 miles , and managed to maintain a solid 14 . 5 mph average . The nice part was that when I got back to the house I didn 't feel like I was exhausted , and I honestly think I should have continued for another couple of miles . I am going to go for a longer ride tomorrow , and see if I can get over 30 miles . How much more I don 't know , just 30 + miles is a good target . Our son David had a meeting with a client today , in San Diego , so when he was done he stopped by and we all went to dinner . It was good seeing him and getting a chance to visit with him . We , Linda and I , sure would like to have more opportunities to spend time with our other sons , and when an opportunity like tonight happens we feel like we 've been blessed . Today began as many for these past days have , with the girls getting up and getting ready for school . I even made some hot oatmeal for breakfast ( Jackie likes to call it porridge and pretend she is baby bear ) . Lunches were made and Linda and I walked the girls to school ( Just for the record - Jason had oatmeal , too ) . Once we got back to the house we all had things to work on and take care of , and Jason and I were headed for the hospital at Balboa . I guess that 's about where the similarities stop . Jason and I drove separate vehicles to his appointments , as I had to come back and pick up Linda before Jason was finished with his appointments . Trying to get on to the base was a little bit of a challenge , and as a result I spoke with Jennifer Townsend ( ret . Navy Capt ) about what happened and she said she would work with the security folks on coming up with a solution . Apparently this is something that has been going on for several weeks now and there really is no easy answer , at least none that they can see right now . Bottom line is that it looks like Linda and I will be challenged each time we come on to the base , until they figure out an answer to the puzzle . Jason and I went through the first part of his appointments and then I headed back to the house to pick up Linda . I had gotten an appointment schedule with one of the doctor 's information , including her phone number , and that seemed to be enough to satisfy the guard , so when we got back to the base we got on rather easily . I hope they can come up with a relatively simple solution , so that there isn 't a big cost to get this resolved . When we got back to the house is when it really seemed like it was a " different " day for us . The girls weren 't here , and wouldn 't be back for a couple of days . This is the first time in about three weeks we didn 't have the girls with us . The house felt so odd and quiet . It did allow me to take the car over to the auto repair place and get some work done on it . Since we 're headed back up to Livermore we want to be sure the car will in as good a working order as it can be . The only challenge was that the car needs more work than I was expecting , and our total bill went from about $ 40 . 00 to almost $ 900 . 00 . I talked with the manager and he brought it down to $ 800 . 00 even , but still that is more than I was hoping to have to pay right now . It isn 't going to prevent us from going , but it will cause us to be a bit more " thrifty " than first planned . That was the end of the activities for the day - Linda prepared a nice pork chop and baked potato dinner . We ended up watching Princess Bride tonight , just to relax and enjoy a movie . We both like the Princess Bride , so that made the choice pretty easy . Tomorrow I will be picking up the car after I go for a bike ride , and we 'll see what the rest of the day has in store for us . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We kind of got up a little later than anticipated this morning , though there was still plenty of time to get the girls ready for school . The girls were awake , just hadn 't come up to get us out of bed , that is until we were ready to come down . As we were headed down the stairs Jackie was on her way up . It all worked out pretty well actually . Linda got the girls dressed and I got them fed - and made their lunches . After the girls were walked to school we came back to the house and we were going to get ready for the things we were scheduled to do , only shortly after getting home Jason received a call and his appointment with the VA was cancelled ( it got moved to next week ) , so that freed up some time . Then within a few minutes of that I received another phone call and a meeting was scheduled for noon , with the Gary Sinise Foundation - they wanted to talk about scheduling the official ground breaking ceremony . I looked at the clock and decided that I now had a few hours to get a nice bike ride in . Well , at least a couple of hours worth of riding and cool down time . I was able to get in about 23 miles and back at the house before 11 : 00 , so I could cool down and clean up before the phone call ( I didn 't want to smell bad on the phone . . . ; - ) ) . The call itself was really kind of short , but full of information . There is coordination of guests to have at the ceremony , and invitations to be sent out . We get to invite family and friends who have expressed an interest in the ground breaking ceremony , and there are those who are connected with the Gary Sinise Foundation , directly or indirectly . The actual date is sometime after the 19th , and before the 28th - so it is a ten day window to work with , and the actual date to be selected in the next day or two . As soon as I know I will post it in the blog . Today is also Taco Tuesday ( not really sure where that came from , but the girls have it in their heads that we have to have tacos on Tuesday now ) , so that means dinner is already planned . It worked out really well , and we all had plenty to eat - and ran out of tacos . Linda made the tacos with re - fried beans and ground beef , and then cheese for the girls . For the adults we added lettuce and hot sauce . There were also some tomatoes available , and I think I ate most of those . It was kind of fun and really not that messy to do , so I consider it a win - win . Below I have added some pictures , and they cover several days . I will do my best to label them , but generally they start with Christmas and work there way through the bicycle rides and zoo visits with Uncle George ( he came and stayed with us for a few days over the Christmas break ) . Any how , with the pictures you will be able to see how Jason is coming along , and how long his hair is getting . He almost never wears a shirt while at home , so apologies to anyone who is shocked by the hairy guy . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . |
Tomorrow ends the first month of this new year . Wow , I guess this is going to be another one of those fast years . Hope I don 't blink and miss something . . . ; - ) We went to Stacy and Jackie 's school today , to participate in Grandparent 's Day . They provided a little breakfast and then each grade was allowed to sing a patriotic song in front of the crowd . The food was acceptable and I had plenty of water to drink . We then went to their class rooms where we were treated to all the activities they were doing , and in Jackie 's class they did a separate presentation for the parents - they didn 't sing in the hall . Once that was all over we came back to the house and began taking care of other things we needed to get done , like getting the Fusion smogged . The big thing done today though , was to get our travel arrangements completed for the retreat we are going to , with EOD Warrior Foundation . We 'll be flying out to Virginia at the end of February and staying for a few days , then coming home on March 2 . We will be arranging care for Jason and making sure everything is in place that should make his life a little easier . Joselyn will be coming in for frequent visits and helping him with his daily showers , along with other stuff . Tomorrow I hope to get a bike ride in , early in the morning and then we can head over to Stacy 's soccer game . Not really sure where it is , but it can 't be too far away , as none of them are . . . I hope . We should be back relatively early in the afternoon , and we can see what else we need to get done . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning I got up at about 05 : 45 , so that I could ride my bike over to a breakfast meeting with one of the men 's groups from the Point Loma Presbyterian Church . Funny part was that I was the second person to arrive ( I was still pretty early ) , and the other person already there was also new to the group . Within a few minutes a larger group showed up and the meeting took place . It was very nice and I enjoyed the discussions that went on . They wanted to know more about Jason and exactly what had happened to him , and then also more about the family in general . I was glad I went and think I will go again - I rode my bike so that I could just go from there to the rest of my ride , and I did . The down part was that at about 15 miles I got a flat , and had to turn and walk the rest of the way back home . At that location I was only about 1 1 / 2 miles form the house , so it wasn 't too bad . I headed back to the house because I also knew that Linda and I had to go to Jackie 's " Cowboy Days " celebration with her preschool . It was fun and the kids had a great time , though the teacher sure did have to work hard . Jason also attended the event and Jackie was happy to see us all there . She came and gave Jason a big hug when she saw us . After getting back to the house we all sat down and had our lunch , and relaxed a little . After the brief rest we went back to work again . The paramobile was still in the truck so I needed Jason to move the truck , in order for me to be able to get it out of the truck . It really didn 't take that long to accomplish , and once that was done we , Jason and I , went down to the auto repair shop to get the truck tire fixed . The guy saw the tire and fixed it , and then told us that the hole in the tire was pretty big . He was able to plug it , then cautioned us on driving too long with that repair . Because of the size of the hole he said that the plug might not last very long . Jason decided to buy a new tire , and we 'll pick it up tomorrow afternoon . Speaking of tomorrow . . . Linda and I will again be headed back over to the girls ' school , because it is Grandparents Day . We will be going for breakfast and then get to visit the class rooms as well as a presentation in the hall . Linda said we should be done by 11 : 00 so it will allow me to finish up on a few more chores I have here at the house . The rest of today was pretty quiet , and in the evening Linda and I went to see Selma , the movie . That was a very rough time for this country and thank God for Dr . Martin Luther King . He led the movement that was very uncomfortable , yet necessary . If you have the time and want to see a good movie , please go see it . On top of the quality of the movie and enjoying our date night , the tickets were super cheap - the theater has special prices on Tuesday and Thursday . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Today was another busy day , and we had the girls with us an extra day this week . We love having them with us , but because of the normal schedule we do try to plan things around when they 're with us and when they 're not . Anyway , they will be going with their mother tomorrow , and we 'll have a few days to do some catch up . On top of that the van is still not working and I had to schedule a couple of visits from the Ability Center to see if they can figure out why it isn 't working , and then possibly repair it . As it turned out I got quite a nice bit of training on how their system is put together ( I hung around with the tech while he trouble shot the system ) . From all that I could see , the issue is with Ford and not their system . Simply put , the van won 't come out of Park , and therefore we can 't drive it . It was taken over to Ford , by the Ability Center folks , and now we just have to wait to see what they can find out . The rest of the day was spent taking care of some errands and working with the girls . We had a good day , just didn 't get done some of those things we would have liked to have gotten done . One of the big ones is Jason 's new chair . Jason hasn 't been able to ride it because I haven 't transferred the chest belt from his old chair to the new chair . It isn 't a simple change over . I am going to have to head over to Home Depot or Ace Hardware to find the parts I need to secure it to the new chair . Once that is done Jason will be able to use the chair , and get to take advantage of the new features . This has got to be one of the busiest days we 've had , in the past couple of years . We got up pretty much our normal time , but the girls weren 't going to be going to school today . We had a different destination for this morning - The Ground - Breaking Ceremony for Jason 's future home ! We wanted to be out of the house by about 08 : 00 and we made it at 08 : 01 , so I considered that a total win . The time constraint was something I had put on , as a result of the need to drive up to Fallbrook , and be there by 09 : 30 , for the ceremony . As it turned out we got to the staging area ( a Park and Ride parking lot , just off I - 15 ) , where we met up with a group of Freedom Riders ( it looked like there were about 12 of them ) , who were to escort us to the actual ceremony , on Jason 's property . We arrived at 09 : 15 , which I found out later was a little on the early side . This was both good and bad , because it did provide us a chance to get our feet on the ground and see what was going on and see what was going on ; the down side was that the Fire Department had sent over a truck to go with us , as well as two CHP officers , and they all arrived after we had already left . It didn 't impact the ceremony at all , just that it would have been fun to have had all of them there and we would have made a bigger entrance . . . and Jason deserved the bigger entrance . He drove himself in his truck , with Gracie , and the rest of us followed close behind in our car ( and obviously the Freedom Riders ) . The ceremony it self was done very well , and there were several news teams filming and cameras set up everywhere . There was at least five others with professional cameras , and then the guests with their cameras . I think I was able to get maybe 6 or 7 shots , and handed my camera to a few other people , who took some pictures for us . Bottom line is that there were a bunch of pictures taken and we were shown on a couple of the news stations , as well as being posted on the Gary Sinise Foundation web site - www . garysinisefoundation . org and on their FaceBook page . I 'm posting a few pictures here as well . We got to see a rendering of the house , and what it is to look like when it is built , and it looks wonderful . One of the things I didn 't do was to take a picture of the rendering , so I will have to see if I can find it somewhere else . The actual ceremony only lasted for about 30 minutes , and then another hour of working with the news organizations . I initially thought that only Jason was going to be interviewed , and discovered that Linda and I were sot out by them , so we were all kept busy . I was thankful for all the people who chipped in and helped with the girls , and the best part was that the girls new several of the people who were there , so it made it that much easier . After all was done we were able to head out and get some lunch , and checked out a Mexican restaurant in Fallbrook . The name of the restaurant is Tekila ( sort of a twist on blending tequila and technology ) and the bottom line is that the food was good , so we will probably be going back . We headed back to the house , and found out that going down I15 and then 163 to 5 to the house was faster than going straight down I5 . I took the shorter route and didn 't drive any faster than I would normally go - I had the girls in the car with me . Jason and Linda were in the truck , this way we could both take advantage of the commuter lanes . I got home ahead of Jason by almost 5 minutes . We did get to see Billy Wagasy one last time to end the day . He came by to check on Jason 's new chair , to make sure it was working properly and that Jason was happy with it . He stayed for a short visit ( he still had to drive back up to Los Angeles ) and we got a few more pictures , then he was on his way . After this there were several phone calls , and then we were able to get dinner ready and we sat down and ate . Linda gave the girls a bath , and shortly thereafter , they were in bed . The day was finally winding down . We are hoping to be able to catch some of the late news to see if any of it made it on , so we could see it . We know it was shown because people have told us , we 'd just like to see it for ourselves . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This has been a very nice , kick - back kind ' a day . We got up this morning at about 07 : 00 and I went for a quick 15 mile ride , while the girls spent some time with Daddy ( Jason ) , in his bed . Linda got breakfast going for them and when I got back I took over . This gave Linda a chance to go up stairs and get ready for church and for me to cool down a little . After the girls finished their breakfast I helped them start to get ready to go to church , and even Jason came in to provide some support . Linda came down and took over so I could go up and get ready , and then we were off . It was nice to have Jason at church with us , as several of the folks were happy to see him . After the services we came back to the house and shortly there after I fixed lunch . Then it was rest time , and we all just relaxed for a little while . I eventually went out and did a couple of finishing touches on the new chair , and brought it into the house ; and that was pretty much it . The rest of the evening was just doing a little clean up in the kitchen and living room ; the girls played in their room ( they took all their stuffed toys and pillows and put a blanket over the pile . Then they took turns jumping on it ) . Not much else happened today , other than dinner and the girls watching the movie Wall - E . I think they have seen it a few times , but like many other movies , they can watch it over and over , and besides it does have a nice message . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Nice day for us today , though it started out a little on the crazy side . Stacy had a soccer game this morning , and we were supposed to have gotten up a little earlier than we actually did . As a result we had to move quickly to make sure we were not only ready , but also got to the game on time . . . and we did . We actually arrived before most of the rest of the team did , and a few minutes before the coach . Stacy had a great game , and both teams ( kindergartners ) played their hearts out . As far as both teams are concerned , both teams won - me personally , I believe the score was 2 - 2 . The rest of the day was spent relaxed at home . There were some of the basic chores to be done , and about the most strenuous thing I had to do was clean and change Mr . Jingles ' cage . For a rat , he sure is a pretty neat pet . When Jason got him originally my thought was , " What are you thinking ? " Now he just seems to be a regular part of the environment and he does help to entertain Jason , so I guess it was the right thing to do . Tomorrow we 'll be going to church in the morning and then coming back to the house . I don 't have much else planned for the day , though I might consider trying to get an early bike ride in . I 'll see if I can get Jason on to his new chair a little , so that he can get comfortable with it , and that is about the extent of what is happening . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . One of the nice things about blogspot is that they have plenty of data to show how your blog is doing and what kind of readership you might be collecting . All of this data is great , IF you take the time to look at it , and sometimes I don 't . I just noticed that I 've past the 1200 posting mark with the blog , and that is a bunch of posts . I thank you all , whoever you are , for continuing to read and follow Jason 's development . It started out as a recovery from the injuries , and now has morphed into simply what life has continued to toss his way ( and in many aspects , OUR way ) . Getting this blog started was something that Linda suggested all those years ago , and I 'm glad she did , for many reason , this has been very therapeutic for me . Linda and I got up to a nice little surprise this morning , and that was that they recycle guys had already come by , and they picked up the large cardboard box Jason 's new chair came in , and I " knew " that I was going to have to go down this morning and ask them to . I guess that was a wrong guess on my part . We really didn 't have much to do this morning , except wait for Brian and Billy to show up , so that the chair could be put together , so I decided that it was time for me to clean up the backyard . And cleaning it needed . I spent about four hours raking and pulling and moving and just plain taking care of the stuff that needed to be taken care of . I worked up a good sweat , to say the least . On top of all that my phone was busy and I was talking with all kinds of folks , making appointments and either getting or giving information . Bottom line is that it was all very positive . Just about the time I had all the piles of leaves and twigs done in the backyard Brian showed up , with his girl friend , Lindsey and his dog Mia . Also found out that Billy wasn 't going to be able to get here , as he had another issue he needed to take care of . As it turned Brian and I worked on Jason 's chair ( Brian was providing me with the " training " for what I was able to do ) . Jason had an appointment he needed to get to , though he was able to sit in the chair to help with Brian getting the correct adjustments made . Shortly after Jason left , Linda and Lindsey came out to watch and in a little while we were able to finish the chair . There are still a couple of adjustments I can do , if they 're needed . Then Jason will have himself a new chair all ready for his use . He will need to get it over to the Ability Center , so that they can put the connector latch on the chair , so he can use it to drive his truck , and this way he 'll have two chairs . Brian waited for a little while , to see if Jason would be able to get back before he had to leave , but it wasn 't to be . Linda got some pictures of the efforts , and I 've shown them below , so you can see what we were working on . We found Brian to be a very knowledgeable and skilled technician , especially considering that he is a triple amputee - amazing to say the least . For those who have seen the movie American Sniper , yes , this is the same guy in that movie - like I said , pretty amazing . When Jason got home , he was pretty happy with what he saw , and we 'll be working to get everything else that needs to be done - done . We want to be able to have the chair for the ground breaking event coming up , as the chair is another gift from the Gary Sinise Foundation . The more we find out about Gary and the Foundation , the more we are humbled by all of this . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Getting the controller arm in place Today was a pretty nice day , for all of us . I got up at about 07 : 30 , and I understand that Linda got up a couple hours later - but more on that later . Jason and I had a couple of bowls of cereal and then just a few minutes later ( maybe as much as 15 , I really wasn 't tracking ) I went out for a bike ride . Before getting our cereal , I finished cleaning the kitchen - something I was supposed to do last night - so that kind of delayed my getting on the bike . I went for a nice 27 mile ride , and probably could have gone much farther but it was getting later than I like and I felt compelled to get back to the house . When I got back , Linda was out in the garage and Jason was in his room . Linda was doing some laundry and Gracie was , being Gracie , you know laying around and sometimes getting underfoot . As it turned out I could have stayed out a bit longer and there wouldn 't have been any problems . I guess I 'm just a " worry wart . " A little later in the day Linda and I went to Costco to get some food , and also to get some gas for the car . And that was pretty much our day . I did make some orange - sesame chicken for Jason and I , for lunch ( Linda had a bite , too ) , and it was pretty good . Tonight Linda and I watched a Denzel Washington movie , The Equalizer , and found it to be entertaining , though a bit bloody as his movies sometimes do . The story starts a bit slow , then gains some momentum about 15 minutes into it . After that it is pretty non - stop , and intense . I 'm glad we got to see it , and that Jason had it in his collection . Tomorrow we will be working on Jason 's new chair , and I hope to see him ride it . The challenge is that Jason has an appointment in the early afternoon , and I think that 's about the time Brian was going to be showing up . I 'll be getting on this first thing in the morning , and probably no bike ride tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started out very relaxed and kind of " normal " , whatever that is . We got the girls up and off to school , and they 'll be gone for a couple of days , then we 'll have them again for the next five . Towards the end of that five day period is the ground breaking for Jason 's new house . Actually , the ground breaking ceremony played a big part of today , as Jason and I went to Balboa for his appointments , and while there I checked with as many people I could , to make sure they all were aware of the ground breaking , and all but two of them were . It looks like there is going to be a nice sized crowd and that should make it fun . Tonight Jason wanted to take us to the movies , so we went and saw American Sniper , and it was not only a very good movie , we actually knew one of the Wounded Warriors in the movie . He is the guy in the wheel chair who is typically dressed in black - for those who saw the movie , he was the " smoker . " Funny thing is , we didn 't know he was in the movie , until we saw it tonight - and he is going to be here on Friday . I intend to give him a hard time about not telling us . He 's coming over to help Jason with his new power chair , so it will be good to see him for sure . Tomorrow I intend to get up , a little on the early side , but not too early , and then go for a bike ride . Linda said she is planning to stay in bed for a little while , as this is going to be a nice chance for her to just relax and enjoy it . I don 't know what Jason 's plans are for the morning , but I 'm sure he will be relaxing a bit as well . Thank you , for continuing to support and pray for us . Take care and stay positive . We got the girls up this morning and they were both a bit slow in rising . Neither of them seemed too excited about going to school this morning , but once we got them moving it was much better . Linda and I have basically worked out a team effort in getting them up and moving in the morning . Basically Linda goes in and starts to get the girls moving , and I may go in to help initially . My focus is more on the food side of the equation . I make sure they have a breakfast before going off to school and to insure they have a lunch that is both delicious and nutritious ( I learned that phrase from Linda ) when she ran her day care . Anyway , the girls were out the door with time to get to the school and ready for their new day . After we got back to the house Jason needed to get over to the VA , by Mission Valley , and I wanted to be with him at this particular appointment . I also wanted to get a bike ride in , so I decided to ride my bike over , and let him drive . There was also the factor that he would be heading over to La Jolla VA afterward , and I didn 't need to go to that appointment , so by taking my bike I could just ride on home and it would work for both of us . The only glitch in that schedule was that Jason 's appointments were actually about an hour later than he thought so he just ended up driving back to the house , and by the time I arrived he was getting ready to leave again . Jason received a new power wheelchair today , and it is now sitting in the garage . I had to move a few things around to make room , and it also allowed me the ability to get rid of some things . Linda was also out in the garage for most of that time , and we worked together pretty well . The chair will be fully assembled this weekend , baring any issues . Brian Anderson will be coming by to put it together on Friday , and Billy Wagasy from Gary Sinise Foundation will also coming by . The chair was arranged through them and they would like to get some pictures of Jason with his chair . Speaking of chairs , and seating solutions . . . while Jason was at the La Jolla VA he was able to meet with some of the specialists there and they have a possible new option for Jason , and it sounds rather promising . It may be a while before we see it , but at least they are working towards something to help Jason be more comfortable . My guess is that it will be a couple of months before anything happens , but maybe that is a good thing . Too many things , too fast can be very uncomfortable . Stacy had a nice soccer practice this evening , and while we were there Jackie kept us entertained with all her running around . I eventually walked with her , Jackie , over to a new playground area that is attached to the park . When Stacy 's practice was over she came over to join us and both the girls played on the equipment for a few minutes . We couldn 't stay too long as dinner still needed to be cooked , and it was getting later in the evening . Linda gave the girls a bath tonight , and I helped Jason with his shower . Jason 's progress over these past several days has been very good . Effectively , he is down to just a single open wound on his right side , and that is much smaller than it was . It might be Spring before it is closed , but at least it feels like closure is a real possibility , and that hasn 't been that way in a long time . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning began with a slow moving me , getting out of bed . It felt good to sleep in our own bed again , and I guess I was kind of tired . I still woke at about 06 : 30 , but didn 't get out of bed until after 07 : 00 . I knew the girls were going to be coming and I wanted to be sure we were ready for them . As it turned out they didn 't arrive until after 09 : 00 , so I actually had plenty of time to get some of the stuff we had taken with us , put away . When they did arrive Stacy was full of energy and happy to see us and Jackie was feeling a bit cranky , so I am guessing she didn 't get enough sleep the night before . Once in the house she came to me and I picked her up for a little while , with her head on my shoulder . And , in a little while longer she was feeling much better . Linda had been feeling that yo - yo affect of being sick with the flu , when you 're right at the end of being sick . First you feel better then you feel like you need to lay back down and over and over a few times . Finally she is feeling much better now ( tonight ) , though this morning she was only up for a short time . While she laid back down I took the girls back over to the school ( closed today for MLK day ) so they could ride their bikes . They both really had fun scooting around the parking lot , and getting better with how to handle the bikes . We stayed there about an hour then headed back to the house . Jason had a couple of errands and things to do today , but otherwise he stayed down . He took off on his own , for the errands , and he is becoming much more independent with his truck . This is a very good thing for all of us , as well as for him . Along the lines of getting around , we will be heading over to the VA tomorrow to take care of a couple of those appointments , as well as a meeting on the Ground Breaking that 's coming up . The only other item that is happening tomorrow is that the girls are going to be going back to school . They have been out of school for several days , due to illness and today with the holiday it seems like they haven 't been there for quite some time . The rest of the day , today , was pretty much laid back . The great folks at Serving Spoons came by today with a nice dinner for us . It was Spinach Lasagna , salad and bread . They also provided a nice little dessert to make it a complete meal . We ' er going to miss them once we move up to Fallbrook . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive We are back home now , as we left Livermore this morning . I had planned on getting out at about 09 : 00 and we made it - I felt pretty good about that , considering how Linda was still feeling . On a big plus side , she is feeling much better now , than she did yesterday , and even better than she did this morning . I think she is over the worst of the illness , and now it is just a matter of dealing with the lingering aspects , such as the cough . We did stop to visit with David , and his family , though we really didn 't stay too long . As it turns out Miriam is a bit under the weather as well , so we kept the interfacing down to a minimum . Yesterday was Dylan 's birthday , and we wanted to be sure to deliver his birthday gifts . We also had some other gifts , from Christmas , and that included Ethan . Ethan was also dealing with a bug , and probably the same thing that Linda and Miriam have . He was sleeping when we arrived so we didn 't get a chance to see him , and that is probably a better thing . We 'll see him on the next trip . The drive down to David 's was pretty easy and the traffic was relatively light , and then on the drive back down to San Diego , from David 's was also much easier than I anticipated . We were both very happy about this , and we arrived home at about 19 : 05 ( 7 : 05pm ) - that 's about an hour sooner than I thought we 'd get here . As we walked up to the door , it opened and Joselyn was there to great us . She had been taking care of Jason while we were gone , and now she was there to greet us . The house was very clean and everything nice and tidy . Jason was in great spirits and apparently he even cooked the dinner last night , for himself . There were some left overs in the refrigerator . We didn 't stay up too late , and in fact Linda went to bed by 20 : 00 ( 8pm ) , and I stayed up a little longer . Like I said , Linda is feeling better , though she is still pretty tired and just wanted to get some sleep . The girls will be here in the morning ( no school because of MLK day ) , so we want to be as refreshed as possible . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was supposed to be another day of visiting with some friends and just plain relaxing . As it turned out , Linda woke up not feeling very good , and it was simply a continuation from yesterday , only a little worse . I let her stay in bed and I went to go visit George and Jane Bowen , and spent about two hours just talking with them . After that I went to visit with Joe and Toni Smith , and had a nice lunch at their place , then later I got together with a bunch of friends from the Presbyterian Church . It would have been so much better to have had Linda with me , but it turned out to be a better idea to have her just stay down . I am hoping that tomorrow she 'll feel at least a little better , since we will be driving back down to Southern California . Anyway , the day is at an end and I think I 'm going to be going to bed . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today we managed to stay in the Tri - valley area and visited with family and friends . First off we went over and picked up George and then over Linda 's friend Terry 's house . Linda and Terry were going to breakfast and George and I decided we were going to go to breakfast too . Terry 's husband , Joe was there , so that was kind of nice to be able to see him , but he apparently had caught some sort of " bug " and we didn 't want to risk catching anything ourselves . Our visit there was no more than maybe 10 minutes , though we were still able to get a couple of pictures . After breakfast , George and I did a little running around and taking care of errands , and then I dropped him off at Safeway , where he works . He really loves his job at Safeway , and apparently they think he is wonderful . We are very grateful for that , as we know he will be taken care of without us having to be around . We did go over and see Larry and Joyce , Linda 's brother and his wife , and give them a little send - off , since they are going off on a trip . It was another short visit and we were gone in a matter of a few minutes , and off to our next stop . We went to visit a friend of ours , Judy , at New Oceanic , a Chinese restaurant . She is an amazing little lady who remembers us and many details that continue to surprise both of us . When we left there we headed over to Karen and Mike 's place to have some dinner , with them and several other people . The food was great and it was really nice seeing everyone , and I hope we get to do it every time we come to visit . The day was pretty much done and we headed back to the hotel , and that gave me a chance to blog . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . As many of you are aware , we are traveling right now , and as a result , getting to put a posting out on the blog is a bit challenging . The trip up to Livermore was uneventful , just the way I like travel to be , and yet still faster than anticipated . I thought it would take close to 8 hours and it was closer to 7 hours for that long drive . We even had an opportunity to stop in and visit with Linda 's parents , Joe and Jess , for about 90 minutes , and it was both an nice rest as well as refreshing for us . It is always good to visit with them . We did , in fact get up when we wanted to and made our way over to San Francisco , to spend some time with Sean . He is looking great ( pictures tomorrow , I hope . I need to either find the cable or possibly purchase one , so that I can transfer pictures to the laptop ) . He has a couple of dogs , he calls them his boys , and they are looking great too . We all took them for a nice walk , and visit around the city , and it turned out to be a very nice day for all of us . We finally had to leave and head back in , where we had dinner with Larry and Joyce , Linda 's brother and his wife . They treated us to a nice dinner at Outback Steak House , and it wasn 't too far from the hotel we 're staying at . The time with them was enjoyable and the conversation was basically all about catching up on the different things happening with us , as well as those happening with them . Finally , we got back to the hotel and I got on to my email , and saw that I had a couple hundred waiting for me . This is always a time consuming aspect , yet it is one of the best ways to keep in touch with all the friends . One of the emails was from Gary Sinise Foundation , and it was an invitation to the ground breaking for Jason 's new home . It is officially set for the 27th , and at 10 : 00 . We will be sending it out to a bunch of our family and friends , close by and even some who are farther away . It should be a fun time for all , and I promise , more pictures . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Another day with the girls doing a little better , but still far from being 100 % of their normal selves . They both had temps of over 101 and we did end up taking them to the doctor 's office . Apparently we are still doing the right things with them , we just wish we could get them to be feeling better faster . We kept them home from school and looks like tomorrow is going to be more of the same . The big difference is that they go back to their mom 's place , and Linda and I are headed up to Livermore . We won 't be able to tell how they are doing for five days . The good news is that they are progressively getting better , so we think they should get back to that 100 % level soon . Not much else going on today , other than the normal things we tend to do every day . About the only two things that would be classified as different would be taking the girls to the doctor 's office and us packing for the trip . We plan on driving up to Livermore to check on some personal things and visit with some of our friends , and most importantly , spend some time with Sean and George . They are the two that get the least amount of time with us , and we feel that we need to figure out how to remedy that situation . Neither of them make much money , so regular travel just isn 't a viable solution , at the moment , though I am sure we 'll be able to come up with something , a little down the road . We 'll be leaving mid - morning , tomorrow and stopping at Linda 's parents for a short visit . From there we 'll drive straight up to Milpitas where we plan to stop and have dinner ( one of our favorite restaurants is in Milpitas , called La Milpa - wonderful Mexican food ) . While there we plan on having that dinner with Jason 's Godparents , Steve and Yolanda and start with some catching up right there . From there we 'll continue on to Livermore and check in at our hotel and get some sleep . The next day will begin with a visit to Sean , in San Francisco then George the next day and we 'll just do our best to meet with as many people as we can . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . These past couple of days have been challenging , to say the least . The bad news is that the girls got pretty sick with the flu , or something , before we go them , and they progressively got sicker . Both of them were running temps of up to 102 . 2 , and we spent a few late night hours comforting them . We gave them fever reducer and cough medicine , as well as other care and that brings us to the good news . They seem to be over whatever it was , and as of this afternoon they 're back to their normal happy selves . Jason spoke with their pediatrician a couple times , or at least their advice nurse , and it seems we were doing everything we were supposed to be doing , and if their conditions hadn 't improved today , they would be going in tomorrow . Now it seems that isn 't going to be happening , and we can work towards getting back to normal . . . whatever that is . There was one kind of funny thing that happened , and I guess it was the result of crossed communications . Linda said something to Jason about needing some milk from Costco and Jason thought she had said something else . Linda told me that Jason wanted to go to Costco , so I went back and asked him when we were going to be going . He and I got to Costco , a short while later and when we both were in the store we kind of looked at each other and wanted to know who had the list . We ended up calling Linda and asked what we needed to get , besides milk , and she provided us a quick list of things . It felt like someone was filming a sitcom or something , and we were the stars . Otherwise there isn 't much change or update to report on , other than a specific date for ground breaking on Jason 's new home has been set . We are looking forward to January 27th , morning , to put those shovels in the ground and getting this thing going . Once it does happen we will be taking some pictures and you 'll be able to watch some of the progress here . Stay tuned for the exciting adventures to come . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Linda and I were awoken this morning shortly before 06 : 00 by both the girls , and it was still dark outside . They were running fevers and coughing so we got up to do our best to make them more comfortable . Shortly after giving them a fever reducer and cough medicine they were doing pretty well , so that was a good start for the day . I did have to go pick up some Pedialyte and fortunately they both like drinking it . We really didn 't do much except stay around the house ( aside from a couple of runs I made to the store ) . The girls weren 't feeling good and Jason wasn 't either . We both kind of stepped up our efforts to disinfect everything right after the girls go through , and even in some of the areas around Jason 's bedroom . By the end of the day everyone seemed to be doing a little better , so I am hopeful that it won 't get too much worse and perhaps by Monday they will all be doing much better . Tomorrow it is supposed to rain again , though I don 't know when . If it seems like there is a clear spot I just might attempt to get out on my bike . Otherwise everyone is , again , staying home . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started out with Linda and I getting up with specific thoughts in our heads , as to what we wanted to accomplish . Linda was going to be going out with Joselyn , to have some fun at consignment stores and go out to lunch , and I was going to go for a longer bike ride . My target was at least 30 miles , and I was able to get in 31 . 32 miles , and it was done in just over two hours ( at 24 miles I stopped to eat some apples and drink some water , and it helped allot ) . Jason had his appointment with PT so we all had somewhere to go , and we all left the house in the morning . I think it was the first time for this to happen ; that is , all of us leave and have different agendas . It was one of those " steps " where it seemed like we almost had a more normal life , at least for a little while . As a result of my ride I discovered I will need to stop in at the bike shop tomorrow to correct a small problem with the front derail - er . It wasn 't a big problem , just that it made hills a little more challenging , if they were steep and long . Linda came back with some items she found at an estate sale . Mostly little things that are needed at this house right now . Jason was the first one back at the house , and he just simply went back to his room , and relaxed . The good part is that later this evening , when he took his shower and I did the dressing change , things are looking pretty good . I still wish they 'd heal faster , but then I am his dad and want him to be better , NOW . The girls came to the house , after I picked them up from school . I picked Jackie up from preschool first and we walked over to meet Stacy . Stacy came running over to us and gave me a big hug . As we walked back to the house ( we live really close to the school ) she kind of transformed from happy and energetic to tired and not feeling well . Linda got home just a few minutes after we did and checked Stacy 's temp and found it to be 101 . 8 . She is sick . . . . We gave her some fever reducer and let her sleep a little , and Jackie wanted to show her support and laid down also , saying she was sick . They both got up a little later , Stacy first , and Jackie showed signs of not feeling well . Jackie 's was 100 , so she also got the fever reducer . They both went to bed quietly and I suspect that they will sleep pretty well , even with taking that mid afternoon nap . We were supposed to be taking Stacy to her first soccer game tomorrow , but that isn 't going to be happening now . Jason called the coach and let her know the situation . The other interesting aspect was that Linda 's parents were supposed to be coming over tomorrow and now they are not . Not because the girls are sick , but because Nana ( Linda 's mother ) is also not feeling well . Linda and I are constantly washing our hands because we don 't want to get sick , too . We have a trip coming up in a few days ( we 're driving up to Livermore to visit with our other two sons , Sean and George - but more on that tomorrow ) and getting sick would not be a good thing . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , here we are , into the second week of 2015 , and still no time machine or flying trains ( flying cars and hoover - boards do exist now , just limited in usefulness ) . This is going to be an exciting year , and I hope that excitement is mostly positive . There are so many things to be happy and joyous about , yet there are groups still trying to force their opinion on the rest of the world . I guess I need to be mindful of what this blog is about , and it isn 't a political commentary , Jason continued to improve , and on top of that he took Gracie to the dog groomer and she got a very nice make over . It is probably the best I 've see Gracie look since we took her in . Not sure where he took her , but I think it was at the shop inside Petco . While he was doing that I was out on a bike ride and got in 24 . 24 miles , and managed to maintain a solid 14 . 5 mph average . The nice part was that when I got back to the house I didn 't feel like I was exhausted , and I honestly think I should have continued for another couple of miles . I am going to go for a longer ride tomorrow , and see if I can get over 30 miles . How much more I don 't know , just 30 + miles is a good target . Our son David had a meeting with a client today , in San Diego , so when he was done he stopped by and we all went to dinner . It was good seeing him and getting a chance to visit with him . We , Linda and I , sure would like to have more opportunities to spend time with our other sons , and when an opportunity like tonight happens we feel like we 've been blessed . Today began as many for these past days have , with the girls getting up and getting ready for school . I even made some hot oatmeal for breakfast ( Jackie likes to call it porridge and pretend she is baby bear ) . Lunches were made and Linda and I walked the girls to school ( Just for the record - Jason had oatmeal , too ) . Once we got back to the house we all had things to work on and take care of , and Jason and I were headed for the hospital at Balboa . I guess that 's about where the similarities stop . Jason and I drove separate vehicles to his appointments , as I had to come back and pick up Linda before Jason was finished with his appointments . Trying to get on to the base was a little bit of a challenge , and as a result I spoke with Jennifer Townsend ( ret . Navy Capt ) about what happened and she said she would work with the security folks on coming up with a solution . Apparently this is something that has been going on for several weeks now and there really is no easy answer , at least none that they can see right now . Bottom line is that it looks like Linda and I will be challenged each time we come on to the base , until they figure out an answer to the puzzle . Jason and I went through the first part of his appointments and then I headed back to the house to pick up Linda . I had gotten an appointment schedule with one of the doctor 's information , including her phone number , and that seemed to be enough to satisfy the guard , so when we got back to the base we got on rather easily . I hope they can come up with a relatively simple solution , so that there isn 't a big cost to get this resolved . When we got back to the house is when it really seemed like it was a " different " day for us . The girls weren 't here , and wouldn 't be back for a couple of days . This is the first time in about three weeks we didn 't have the girls with us . The house felt so odd and quiet . It did allow me to take the car over to the auto repair place and get some work done on it . Since we 're headed back up to Livermore we want to be sure the car will in as good a working order as it can be . The only challenge was that the car needs more work than I was expecting , and our total bill went from about $ 40 . 00 to almost $ 900 . 00 . I talked with the manager and he brought it down to $ 800 . 00 even , but still that is more than I was hoping to have to pay right now . It isn 't going to prevent us from going , but it will cause us to be a bit more " thrifty " than first planned . That was the end of the activities for the day - Linda prepared a nice pork chop and baked potato dinner . We ended up watching Princess Bride tonight , just to relax and enjoy a movie . We both like the Princess Bride , so that made the choice pretty easy . Tomorrow I will be picking up the car after I go for a bike ride , and we 'll see what the rest of the day has in store for us . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We kind of got up a little later than anticipated this morning , though there was still plenty of time to get the girls ready for school . The girls were awake , just hadn 't come up to get us out of bed , that is until we were ready to come down . As we were headed down the stairs Jackie was on her way up . It all worked out pretty well actually . Linda got the girls dressed and I got them fed - and made their lunches . After the girls were walked to school we came back to the house and we were going to get ready for the things we were scheduled to do , only shortly after getting home Jason received a call and his appointment with the VA was cancelled ( it got moved to next week ) , so that freed up some time . Then within a few minutes of that I received another phone call and a meeting was scheduled for noon , with the Gary Sinise Foundation - they wanted to talk about scheduling the official ground breaking ceremony . I looked at the clock and decided that I now had a few hours to get a nice bike ride in . Well , at least a couple of hours worth of riding and cool down time . I was able to get in about 23 miles and back at the house before 11 : 00 , so I could cool down and clean up before the phone call ( I didn 't want to smell bad on the phone . . . ; - ) ) . The call itself was really kind of short , but full of information . There is coordination of guests to have at the ceremony , and invitations to be sent out . We get to invite family and friends who have expressed an interest in the ground breaking ceremony , and there are those who are connected with the Gary Sinise Foundation , directly or indirectly . The actual date is sometime after the 19th , and before the 28th - so it is a ten day window to work with , and the actual date to be selected in the next day or two . As soon as I know I will post it in the blog . Today is also Taco Tuesday ( not really sure where that came from , but the girls have it in their heads that we have to have tacos on Tuesday now ) , so that means dinner is already planned . It worked out really well , and we all had plenty to eat - and ran out of tacos . Linda made the tacos with re - fried beans and ground beef , and then cheese for the girls . For the adults we added lettuce and hot sauce . There were also some tomatoes available , and I think I ate most of those . It was kind of fun and really not that messy to do , so I consider it a win - win . Below I have added some pictures , and they cover several days . I will do my best to label them , but generally they start with Christmas and work there way through the bicycle rides and zoo visits with Uncle George ( he came and stayed with us for a few days over the Christmas break ) . Any how , with the pictures you will be able to see how Jason is coming along , and how long his hair is getting . He almost never wears a shirt while at home , so apologies to anyone who is shocked by the hairy guy . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . |
Audio clip : Adobe Flash Player ( version 9 or above ) is required to play this audio clip . Download the latest version here . You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser . " Go West , young man - the future lies out there , " Lures all of us , just as it did Tom Joad . When things break up at home , we say a prayer , And then head out - " Let 's hit the open road ! " It 's just a dream to chase the setting sun , " But makes more sense than staying where we are ; There 'll be fresh fields , and maybe fresher fun . " " But if we 're gonna go , we 'll need a car ! " Then " fill ' er up " - the tank , then every seat - Pile in the bags , and wave a last goodby . Head for the coast ! " Hey , won 't that beach be sweet , The sand between your toes , the clear blue sky ! " " But wait . . . we may have trouble on the way . " " Well , life 's just one long gamble , don 't they say ? " Henry had been remarkably quiet as I 'd told about him running off with my wife . But Shoko was finally provoked to say , " It may not seem so to you , Jack , but I came to know Betty very well . . . in these last years . . . and she was always concerned about the people she worked with - even when they thought she was selfishly ignoring them . I 'd never heard about how she left you in Nebraska before , but I was there when she left you here in California . . . twice . . . and when she left Jordan in New York earlier this year . I think she meant what she said in her note . Of course she was pursuing her personal ambition . She wanted to go where she could do something challenging - always . But I think she 'd also decided that Christine was better off with you . And that you were better off with Laura . And I think she was right . . . you were ! " I paused to wonder what had provoked that outburst , before responding , " Well , yes , I suppose I knew at the time that there was a lot of truth in that . But it came as such a surprise - all of a sudden she was gone . To put it as bluntly as I then felt it , it seemed she had simply thrown me away . . . to run off with Henry . The heaviest blow was the realization that I couldn 't hold a woman like her . Then , on top of that , she 'd left me to take care of the baby - which might or might not be mine - while she 'd gone off to seek her fortune . And hadn 't even bothered to talk to me about it - as if I were not that involved in the major decisions affecting her life . " Yes , Betty would do that , " Shoko said , " make up her mind then just do what she 'd decided , sure that she knew what was best for you better than you did - so why talk about it ? " " But if , as you say , she had decided , ' Jack 's better off staying here with the baby . . . and with Laura , who 'll be such a good little mother . . . and settling for this mediocrity , ' it was almost as if Laura had been in on it - knew from the first . As if Betty had told her that she was leaving me . " That got a rise out of Henry . " I 'm sure not , Jack - or I 'd have known . But it set me to reflecting on Laura 's attitudes as you were talking about them now - the time she was teasing you about what she knew , for example - and I think she must have been anticipating something of the sort . And did everything she could to encourage it . I think her main reason for insisting on changing roles was to put Betty in the position of the wife who leaves her husband , knowing how Betty liked to get wrapped up in a stage role - so she 'd have that idea constantly in mind as she was preparing for the play . I credit Laura with having that kind of skill in reading the motives of others , too . She had it back then and she has it now . It 's one of the things that has made her so valuable to me . She wouldn 't necessarily have told you everything she had figured out , either . I can imagine how much she enjoyed handing you that drink at the door , and then watching you be surprised . " I thought about that for a moment , then laughed . " I 'm sure you 're right . She probably did have a better sense of the relationship between Betty and me than I did . Everything that had happened since Christine was born had pointed toward this inevitable conclusion to our brief marriage . When Betty had stepped back onto the stage again , and felt the power she held over us all in Who 's Afraid of Virginia Woolf ? , she had , in effect , stepped out of my life . Laura had seen that . A Doll 's House had just reinforced Betty 's decision , and , as you say , Laura had provided her with the perfect exit scene . " I had no compulsion to go after Betty and try to bring her back . I finally understood that I 'd only had her on loan while she 'd had , and recuperated from having , ' our ' baby . Now , thanks to the hysterectomy , she 'd no longer have that kind of problem . Her relationships with men , from now on , wouldn 't be to the purpose of producing babies , but of producing plays - along with whatever subordinate orders of recreation that commitment might tolerate , I thought , in as cynical a mood as I 'd been in back during our ' Orange Bowl ' period . Putting her back on the stage as therapy had affected a cure , all right - it had cured her of any lingering dependency on me . But neither she nor you . . . nor Laura , for that matter . . . had bothered to forewarn me of this , Henry . " " Betty had sworn me to secrecy before she told me what she intended , Jack . That seemed harmless enough - just another of Betty 's games . Then , when she told me , I argued that we should talk it out with you - that we owed you that much - but she held me to that pledge , saying , ' Why ? He 'll just want to come along . . . and bring Christine ! And you know that that won 't work . Not in New York ! I need to be totally unencumbered now . . . at least at first . ' " " That was my first reaction , to be angry with her for leaving me behind as excess baggage . I would have gone . . . would have done anything she wanted , if I 'd known she felt that strongly about it . ' Why Henry and not me ? ' I thought . It 's true , I never really saw you as running off with my wife , Henry . I saw her as running off . . . and taking you with her . " " And that 's the way it was , Jack . . . the way it always was with Betty . She explained it to me in very straightforward fashion when she first told me she 'd decided to leave . ' I want you to go with me because it makes it simpler - men can do so many things women can 't , traveling across country , getting settled in a new city - because you 're free , and because you should want to go as badly as I do . Don 't you ? What will you ever do in this place ? But if you become an encumbrance , too , I 'll go without you , or leave you in Dayton on the way . Because I 'm going to New York ! And I hold you to your promise not to tell Jack until after I 'm gone . I 'm sure he 'll appreciate a nice dramatic exit . . . and I know that that 's best . ' " She wasn 't at all concerned about what I 'd have to leave behind - my house , my career . ' You 're better off without those things , ' she said . ' As Thoreau tells us , those things begin to possess you . You leave everything you own to Marge , and I 'll leave everything I own to Jack . . . to Jack and his Laura . ' And she just laughed . ' Wait until you meet Jordan , ' she said . ' He understands these things . ' I had many reservations . . . but I did go with her . And I , too , tried to stay with her . " " You had a better track record with her than I did , Henry . . . over the years . I suppose because you became more useful to her . . . became a New York professional . " " You keep accusing Betty of using people , " Shoko said , " but she was always the one who gave the most of herself to any project . . . who often carried others . . . who was most determined to be professional . . . to set an example . " " I suppose you 're right , Shoko . . . of course you are . We all ' use ' one another . . . can 't help 164 willing to pay for what she got . In leaving me she saw herself as running away from both the amateur and the domestic - for good . She was really running to Jordan , who represented ' professional theatre ' to her , while I had become associated in her mind and spirit with the college theatre she now meant to transcend - and with home and babies - because she saw me as happy directing plays at Wellington , happy sitting on the sofa with Christine on my lap - happy in the world she could no longer abide . She was headed for the big time , the real world , a professional career . . . Jordan . . . and didn 't want Christine and me tagging along . We were ' an encumbrance . ' I wondered if Jordan knew she was coming . I 'd only seen that one rather ambiguous letter from him , and didn 't think she 'd received an answer to the letter she had sent to his friend 's address . " Henry laughed . " No , he didn 't , Jack . Betty had decided to surprise him , too . . . also against my advice . ' He 'll be delighted ' she said . . . and smiled that wicked smile of hers . " " I actually had more difficulty understanding you , Henry . I felt sure that Betty hadn 't run off with you in romantic infatuation , that you had merely provided the most available transportation to New York - not just the car , of course , but the companionship , the moral support . You came to mean much more to her , I know , and in these last years she probably depended on you more than she did on anyone else , but I had no idea that it would work out that way , and I 'll bet that neither of you did as you left Wellington , either . " " No . I didn 't know what to expect , Jack . . . just that I had committed myself to go with her . " " But , as I say , I didn 't feel I had lost Betty to you - just that I had lost you , too . My wife and my best friend . When you were forced to choose , you had chosen Betty - but who wouldn 't have ? Yes , in part because she was a very good - looking woman , but I could imagine you thinking , ' Well , Jack has Laura , and everybody here in Wellington , while Betty is going out to face the big world alone - so needs a champion . ' " You 're making it much too complicated , Jack , " Henry said . " Betty asked me to go , and I went . " " She did have that kind of power , didn 't she ? At first I thought you 'd be back by the time school started again in the fall , with your own shattered illusions . But Laura convinced me otherwise . She said , ' No , Dr . Gordon wanted to run away , too , and needed an excuse . . . or , like Iago , an occasion . He was able to run away on your wife 's courage . He may see it as an adventure , but also as a new lease on life . He was here long enough . ' While I saw you as helping Betty with her problem , Laura saw her as helping you with yours . " " I knew that Laura should have become a psychologist . " " And , indirectly , Betty had also given me the courage to run - though I ran the other way . I probably would have stayed at Wellington another year - had already signed a contract - then who knows how long - like poor old George in Virginia Woolf - if Betty had been content to be a faculty wife . In time , I might have gotten a Ph . D . at the state university and settled in to be ' Dear Old Doctor Kindly , who does those fascinating things in the drama department . Surprising how up - to - date he keeps clear out here in the middle of Nebraska , willing to philosophize at the drop of a hat with anyone who happens to have an hour to kill talking about Strindberg 's women or O ' Neill 's men . ' But when Laura moved in with me it definitely put an end to that future , which is no doubt one reason I let her do it . " " Betty did say , ' And Jack has his Laura . She 'll move in and take care of Christine . . . and him . . . better than I could . She 's a born baby sitter . ' I 've never told Laura that . " " But Betty may have . . . and it was true . Yes , putting biology aside , I 'm Christine 's father , and Laura is her mother . " " But if you look at Christine now , Jack . . . especially as you see her on the stage . . . you know that you can 't put biology aside , " Shoko said . " She 's Betty 's daughter . . . Betty lives on in Christine . Anyone who sees her knows that . " " And that she 's mine , too ? " As Shoko was slow to answer , Henry said , " Of course , Jack . If less obvious on stage . . . certainly in temperament . " If he was making fun of me , it didn 't show . I shook my head . " And it doesn 't matter . . . for me or for Laura . It never has . Laura was ready to move in the night you left . I resisted for maybe two weeks - at least ten days - still thinking it must be a mistake , that I 'd hear from Betty , or Jordan , about plans for the summer . . . telling me to come join them . But Laura was persistent . She knew she had me , and played me with the delight and skill of a fisherman who 's hooked the fish he 's been after for months and wants to make the most of the experience of landing him . I knew that I was being manipulated by a woman again , and , as is my wont , finally let it happen . " We both had final exams to face . I worked things out with Emma on Christine through that period , but always had her home with me when I was there , grading papers , watching television , and brooding . I could fix meals - had half the time when Betty was there - but frequently took Christine out to eat , just to get out of the house , sometimes with Laura , who enjoyed fussing with the baby . It got so lonely at home some evenings that I wished I had a play to rehearse , and almost called Laura a time or two myself before she caught me in the office the afternoon I handed in final grades and suggested that she come fix dinner for me and the baby , to celebrate - looking me right in the eye and making a point of not saying , ' And I 'll bring my suitcases . ' And she didn 't - but she stayed . " There was a minor shock wave in the community . Some felt , certainly , that that was why my wife had left me in the first place , because something had been going on between Laura and me . I told them at the college that I 'd like to be relieved of the contract obligation for the following year , that my plans had changed and I was going back out to the West Coast . I had a conference with President Wharton about it . He told me they were sorry to see me leave , after all I 'd done for their theatre program , but that my ' life style ' had become a bit irregular for Wellington . He was most surprised by you , he said - suggesting , I suppose , that you might expect anything from ' theatre people , ' but that faculty members in the more traditional disciplines should be more dependable . I got the impression that you must have left a few loose ends . " " I gave my final exams the last week of class , and left my grades in a sealed envelope with the registrar , but it probably did still upset President Wharton . . . anything out of the ordinary would . And , yes , there were a few loose ends . " " I was scrupulous about all obligations to the college , and settling up with everyone in Wellington - for both Betty and myself . Not that I cared what they thought , just to satisfy myself that it was a clean break . I knew I was giving up a comfortable academic position - but didn 't want it anymore . I had to leave . I might not have had a strong marriage with Betty , but there had been those periods when our talents had happened to meet in half a dozen plays . . . if most memorably under the sign of Hawthorne 's scaffold . That had been real - the rest was dream and illusion . Betty had decided to affirm herself as an actress , so I would affirm myself as a writer - no matter what I had to demand of , or abandon to , those around me . I 'd follow her example , would go back out to the coast , where I felt at home , and where the movie and TV action was for a writer , and give it a try . " Laura just thought everything was great , was as cheerful as I 've ever seen a woman be , which did a lot for my morale . She took to Christine as if she were her own child , and , when I told her I wasn 't sure she was mine , must have laughed for ten minutes , between telling me I should know my Strindberg well enough to know all fathers have that problem , and pointing out features she was sure were mine in the poor baby . She was also delighted to be living in sin , which may have helped make her as delicious as any stolen watermelon could have been . When , that first night , she said , " And you could have been having this all winter long , " I laughed too . " Her new image gave her a kind of romantic prestige - certainly among students who were still in town - though she never established the close relationship with the Brigots that Betty had had , as , once she was living with me , we seldom needed help with Christine . . . and Peg seemed convinced that it was Betty who had been betrayed , probably by Laura . . . who was now taking the baby away from her , too . " The Brigots had their own family tragedy to come to terms with , of course . I would think , as I saw Emma working in the back yard , or doing dishes with Peg at her sink by the kitchen window , how much the problems of these college people must have seemed self - inflicted to her . I 'm sure she was sincere when she said she was sorry to hear that Betty had left me - and especially Christine - and hoped we 'd be back together soon , but I didn 't see much of that good woman our last two weeks in Wellington , and , after Laura moved in , she hardly talked to either of us . So I learned , too , that for whatever you get you have to pay something . " Then we left for California , in that old Chevy station wagon Betty and I bought in Kansas when we got married , and that she and Jordan and I had used the previous summer for our tour with Othello . I explained to Laura all the problems that I 'd be facing , and how it just didn 't make sense for her to get involved . She said , ' How can I get any more involved than I already am ? You don 't think I can go back home after this , do you ? You met my father . ' She laughed again just thinking about it . ' Wither thou goest , I will follow . You 'll be a big success , make lots of money , and buy me nice things . Besides , for a Nebraska girl a trip to California is the great adventure , the answer to her dreams . I may become a movie star ! ' Once we were under way , I was glad to be making the trip with that buoyant spirit in the seat beside me . And I really did need her help with Christine . Ironically , I probably needed her more than Betty had needed you . Men and women do need each other . " Shoko smiled and nodded . " I 'll never forget that trip . The early summer of 1957 , and that station wagon already had close to 100 , 000 miles on it - like the wagon parked down below does now . I knew I should have traded for a newer car , but we couldn 't afford it . We had agreed , after a fashion , that Laura would work when we got out here and that , while I would probably also get some kind of job , I would spend most of my time writing . And women didn 't get paid much for anything in those days . " We had camping gear tied on a rack on top , to save the cost of motels , but were rained out of the tent the first two nights - so were forced to sleep in the wagon . We had a mattress in the back - which is when we first learned how useful that is - so it really wasn 't a great inconvenience , just required careful loading - and we liked the togetherness . By the time we were using the Chevy wagon down below , we pulled a trailer , and had a three - quarter mattress that just exactly fit in the back . I have a special fondness for that bed . . . though I didn 't see the mattress in the back as I came up . " " It 's in the cabin , isn 't it , Henry ? " Shoko asked . " Yes . . . in the back room . . . the ' guest ' room . You could probably sleep on it tonight , Jack . " I let that go without comment - having my own devious purposes by that time . " But then the mechanical problems set in , while we were still in Colorado - taking the scenic route . It started with the car heating up in the mountains . We filled half a dozen empty gallon clorox bottles with water - then poured them on and in the radiator when it started to boil . I think of that whenever I hear the name Steamboat Springs - we saw plenty of ' steam ' there - all coming from our car . Then a water pump went out , and we spent an afternoon fixing that . We finally decided that we 'd do a little sight - seeing during the day , in Salt Lake City , at least , and drive across Utah and Nevada at night , when it would be cooler - which wasn 't bad , since one of us could sleep in back with the baby while the other one was driving . " It was while I was driving across Southern Nevada that I made the big mistake . I 'd been shaking my head to keep awake , and , when I saw the hitchhiker thought that talking to him might help . He didn 't look like a bum , more like a college kid going home for the summer , and I had sympathy with his being stuck in that little Nevada town at that time of night , remembering how I 'd hitchhiked from California to Illinois just after I graduated from high school . So I pulled over and told him to get in . He shoved his small satchel under his feet . " About ten miles down the road - I mean ten miles from anywhere - he pulled a pistol out of that little bag and said he was taking the car . I told him that we 'd be happy to take him wherever he wanted to go , that the car wasn 't worth having , given the mechanical trouble we were having with it , but that everything we had in the world was in that car - no doubt the wrong thing to have said . He finally told me to shut up and pull off on a kind of cattle trail of a side road he spotted up ahead , which , after a jab of the pistol in the ribs , I did . That woke up Laura . He said he was putting us out there . " I told Laura to get Christine , and tried to figure out how to salvage something . We had put about half of our cash in an empty flashlight in the glove compartment , and I asked if he 'd at least let us have the flashlight out there in the dark . He said , ' Hell , no , ' that he didn 't want us signaling . He told me to throw my wallet in the seat , and almost hit Laura as she reached for her purse . When , seeing what was happening , she asked if we could take the thermos of coffee , she was denied that , too . He let us take the bag of stuff for the baby , and that was all , not even the apples we had in the back . " Then off he drove , leaving us standing in the desert . Laura had passed Christine to me , and was holding her bag of diapers and odds and ends of baby clothes . Then she began to laugh . We could hardly see each other in the dark , but I never appreciated her more . ' Now what do you think about running off with your teacher , ' I asked . ' Did you ever read Dreiser 's Sister Carrie ? This is just the beginning . The wages of sin . You 'll wind up a ruined woman , picking up cigarette butts along skid row in Los Angeles . . . if we ever get that far . ' " She took my hand . ' Well , here we are , the primitive family in its natural habitat I read about in a sociology book . We 're lucky to be rid of that car - boy , has he got problems . ' " Christine was fussing , so we got her blanket and laid her down among the sagebrush as we appraised things . ' All we 've got left is the seventy - eight cents in change I 've got in my pocket . We had five hundred dollars in traveler 's checks in my briefcase , which I suppose we 'll be able to get refunded in Las Vegas . But then what ? We 're the ones who have problems . ' " We walked back to the highway through that sagebrush , with me carrying Christine . Laura said , ' We 'll be able to flag down a car and get somebody to report that guy to the police within an hour , and where can he go ? The highway patrol will pick him up , an we 'll just have lost a little sleep . ' " But only three cars came by in the next two hours , and , showing better sense than I had , whizzed right on by . I 've often wondered what they thought , seeing a man , a woman , and a baby out there in the desert in the middle of the night . It must have bothered one of them enough to have reported it in the next town , anyway , for at the end of the two hours a highway patrol car came from the West and pulled over to confront us - one officer staying in the car on the radio while the other came out to where we were illuminated in the headlights to talk to us . We gave him our story briefly , and his remark was succinct , ' Not too bright , Buddy - especially with your wife and baby along , ' at which Laura smiled and added , ' See ! ' But they put it on their radio , and , as we were driving in we got the report that the car had been found on the outskirts of Las Vegas , rolled over down in a gully , with stuff scattered in every direction . " " Oh , what a shame , " Shoko said . " You certainly had more trouble on your trip than we did on ours , " Henry added . " Well , first they took us to the highway patrol station , then out to the car . That car was never going anywhere , ever again , and I had no insurance on the loss - only for running into other people . We sold it to a junk dealer for fifty dollars the next day , signing an affidavit that I was the registered owner , since our hitchhiker had taken the title . I remember standing at the side of that gully looking at our possessions , scattered here and there , then at Laura sitting in the patrol car , with the door open , holding Christine , who , freshly changed at the station , had fallen into her glum and solemn mood . " I 'd had an odd impulse - one I 've occasionally yielded to - to take any road at random and hitchhike out of Las Vegas myself . But it was overwhelmed by the sense I had that I was responsible for my destitute family . There on the ground , for us to pick up as best we could , was all we had in the world . And I was strangely elated . I saw the thermos bottle that Laura had asked for on the peculiar impulse that a cup of coffee might taste pretty good out there in the desert at night , smashed on the ground , in a circle of coffee stain , where it had been thrown from the car as it hit . Then Laura asked to borrow my pocket knife , walked down to where she saw the sack of apples , chose two that were not badly bruised , quartered them , and passed the pieces around . I still have a memory of Christine , so wide - eyed and serious - faced , sitting in Laura 's lap as Laura let her suck on her piece of apple . Laura always loved a good apple - and knew that I did , too . " I told the patrolman that that was our car all right , but that we 'd like to go get a cup of coffee , and then I 'd like to get my family settled in a hotel before coming back to see what I could salvage . They were all very good about it ; the people at the hotel even trusted us for the two days it took to clear the travelers ' checks and get our five hundred dollars . I went back out and gathered our things , using the suitcases the hitchhiker had pitched most of the stuff out of . He had actually taken very little - a camera and dress shirt from my suitcase , but not my now - infamous . 38 pistol , which was wrapped in an old sweat suit - and just a little jade elephant , so far as we could tell , for we never found it , from Laura 's suitcase , and the best one of the sleeping bags . " Laura 's purse had been dumped and the few dollars taken from the wallet that she had in it , though the coin purse was still there . And her clothes were scattered all over , worse than mine , the little turquoise - colored dress she had worn in The Glass Menagerie draped forlornly over a bush . I gathered her things with particular care . He had taken my wallet , of course , with well over a hundred dollars in it , the pouch out of my briefcase with our important papers and our travelers ' checks , and , out of the glove compartment - the first thing I checked on - the flashlight with the other two hundred dollars in it . Most of our camping gear was still there . The car was resting on its side , but those things , somewhat bizarrely , were still tied securely to the roof . " By the time our money came through we had decided to stay in Las Vegas for a while . We had no need to go on to Los Angeles right away , and both found the town appealing , though for different reasons - Laura for the bright lights and all - night activity , for there was still a lot of the romantic Nebraska girl in her - me for the moral freedom that tolerated anything , and gave us a kind of reverse security , under which we set up a very conventional , domestic relationship , rented a nice apartment a block off of the bus line and both got jobs , so were soon supporting ourselves comfortably enough . " Laura worked as a waitress in the evening , from 6 p . m . to 2 a . m . , and I found a job as clerk for , then manager of , a rental car agency - a tricky business in that town - but working during the day , so we were able to trade off on taking care of Christine , with the occasional help of a girl who lived in the same building . Before long we were even saving money , in part because we never bought a car ourselves the whole year we were there . I could always borrow one from the agency if we wanted to go somewhere , which we seldom did . " I had lived in Reno my freshman year in college , in the late ' 40s , and Las Vegas had the same gambling - town freedom - but , while Reno was flavored by the cowboy myths of the northern part of the old West - you 'd often see cowboys riding through town on horseback - and was more traditional in its values , Las Vegas had the southern , desert quality , though surprisingly little of the Southwest Spanish myth so heavy in Arizona and New Mexico . It was a new city , a kind of extension of Los Angeles ( even of Hollywood ) , as , no doubt , Reno was of San Francisco , with all of the parent 's booming brashness , and next to nothing of its padre traditions . " But I liked it while we were there , a little over a year , and the uncomplicated happiness domestic life with Laura offered . I would perhaps still be up working when she got home from work , or , more often , reading a book in bed , and would watch her undress - which pleased her , too . She had the good sense never to ask me if I intended to marry her - which , in tune with the town , gave the kind of marriage we had greater security . We knew about birth control , but took no precautions . I think Laura wanted a baby , and I had no great objection , would have tried to do the right thing by her and the child , whatever that might have seemed to be , but didn 't think about it much . I guess I had a fatalistic attitude toward the whole arrangement - the gods had given it to me , and I 'd leave it up to them to work out the details . " My typewriter and manuscript materials had been rolled up in an army blanket and then the old tent and tied on top of the car , and came through undamaged . I took that as an omen and began to write - established a regular routine and stuck to it . I 'd get home from work just in time for Christine and me to ' walk ' Laura the five blocks to the restaurant where she worked , where we 'd eat an early dinner . Then I 'd give an hour to playing with Christine , or , weather allowing , just wheeling her around the neighborhood - that was our time - then it 'd be back home and I 'd settle down to write . I 'd try to get at least four hours or four pages , as I still do today when I 'm working . " I was serious about becoming a professional writer , and felt sure that eventually that would mean locating where I could make the right contacts , but first I needed to accumulate a body of work , to serve my apprenticeship at the typewriter - which I did there in Las Vegas . I tried my hand at everything , but always turned out those four pages an evening , between 7 : 30 or so and midnight , or a little after , while Christine played in her play pen or on the living room floor . She was pretty good from the first at amusing herself , and I got so that I could almost ignore her while I was working - until she started falling asleep . Then I would take a put - her - to - bed break , fix a cup of coffee , and go back to work . " I 'd usually quit around midnight , if I had my four pages , then allow myself to read anything I wanted to until Laura got home , dropped off by another woman with the same shift . I 'd hear them pull into the drive and tell each other good night . So the writing didn 't intrude into Laura 's life much , though she was always encouraging - and sometimes made suggestions that I incorporated - but I could see she really didn 't care what I was doing , as long as I thought it was important , and was happy doing it . I told her once I 'd just assumed she 'd run away with me to bask in the glory of a famous man , but she said , ' No , it 's Betty who wants fame - and doesn 't know how much she 's given up for it , ' then kissed me on the cheek . Take it all in all , that may have been the happiest year of my life . " " We 'll try to profit from your example , Jack , " Henry said , and kissed Shoko on the cheek . " By the end of that year I had seven or eight plays in first or second draft , had a page or two of idea exploration for about two dozen more , and had finished a dozen short stories . And I 'd begun reading the writers ' magazines , so was aiming at practical markets . My first check , after almost six months of writing and four months of sending things out , came for a filler verse in a West Coast hobby magazine . Then it was another two months before I placed a short story for $ 40 in a children 's magazine . It was obvious that I was never going to make a living at it at that rate . It would have to be a novel , or a play , and the quickest route seemed to be television drama . " My original idea in heading West had been to tackle the film , or perhaps television , market , and I finally turned the heavy end of my energies - two hours at least each evening - to writing scripts for shows that were then running on television . I had a psychological Western drama that , over the years , I adapted six different ways , at least - for Gunsmoke , with a nice part for Miss Kitty , and plenty of good character time for Chester and Doc , for The Big Valley , making the female role the dominant one , for The Ponderosa , changing the sexes , with a sub - plot romance for one of the boys . All pretty naive stuff , as I later learned , but I taught myself a lot about script writing in the process . I 'd send a copy to each show I targeted , and got some interesting rejection letters back . " But I was beginning to place odds and ends of things , enough to see myself in print occasionally , enough to feel committed , and to begin to feel restless in Las Vegas . Laura and I had had our fill of the free floor shows , and neither of us gambled , didn 't lose more than $ 200 between us the entire time we were there , and most of that Laura 's loose tip money in slot machines - I never saw her actually roll the dice , or put a bet on a roulette table . We 'd sometimes watch a heavy roller shoot dice , particularly if he got excited , but by the sixth time you 've seen it you know where it 's going - it 's like seeing the strings manipulating a puppet - and , in general , the Vanity Fair qualities of the environment and routine of relatively uninspiring jobs were beginning to read through to us . We got to feeling that we 'd been there long enough . " The odd thing was that the chance came for Laura , when we 'd been thinking that I 'd be the one to initiate the move . I had even sent a letter of inquiry about openings in theatre to every college within a hundred miles of Hollywood , thinking that if I could get anything like the job I 'd had at Wellington it would give us a reasonable income , and I 'd still be able to cultivate some of the people who make decisions about scripts personally . I began to have a drawer full of material , and another full of rejection slips , so needed to become more sophisticated about marketing . And maybe I would have to teach for a while , or get a more substantial job of some kind . I knew that not many actually make a full - time living writing . " But Laura had been with the Topper Club Restaurant long enough to have a kind of assistant manager 's position . The other girls would appeal to her when anything unusual happened . She still waited tables when it was busy , but wore more stylish clothes so she could slip the apron off and take over at the cash register if neither the owner nor his wife were there . She was making close to double what she had at the beginning , and her tips were good , so that her contributions to our joint bank account - now running about $ 4000 - were more substantial than mine . She was doing well enough that we had the problem I 'd had at Wellington - why leave a good thing ? I 'd need a job that would pay pretty well for it to make sense to move , and had gotten as many rejection slips on those theatre jobs as I had on my TV scripts - only one or two holding out any hope at all . There is an accumulation of academic theatre people in Southern California , too . " The Topper Club wasn 't exactly a regular hangout for show people , but there were always a lot of them in town , and Laura would occasionally tell me about how this singer or that movie actor had been in to eat . I told her to wait for a director and then go into her big scene from The Glass Menagerie , and thought , as I looked at the dirty look she gave me , that I had almost forgotten how good an actress she was . We hadn 't even looked for any local amateur theatre activity , and I began to realize that Betty wasn 't the only one who belonged in a theatre . We 'd been on ' vacation ' long enough . " Then one night , close to midnight , there was a drunk in The Topper who was giving one of the other waitresses a hard time , and a tray of dishes was knocked over . Laura was in charge , and , asking the girl involved to watch things at the register , and calling the boy in from the kitchen to clean up the mess , she went to wait on the table , trying to settle the man down . He was with two other people , but started right off to be abusive to her , so she let him have it , both barrels of a highly charged temper - which you know Laura is capable of . He asked her if she knew who he was , and I guess she leaned over that table and halfway sobered him up with the definition she gave him . She ended by threatening to send him to jail if he didn 't pay for the damage and begin to behave himself . " The people with him , an older man and a younger woman , neither of whom had been drinking very much , were obviously both embarrassed by it all , and , while the older man hadn 't said anything , he 'd been watching Laura closely . He agreed to pay whatever seemed fair , and , as he was paying the bill , asked if he could see her at his hotel the next day . " Her temper was still up , and she told him something like she wasn 't in that line of work , had all that she could take care of at home . He laughed and said that he wanted to talk to her about a test for a television series , if she was interested , that he was one of the producers for Welcome to the World , one of the late morning soap operas , and that they were looking for some ' fresh passion . ' He told her that she had good close - up qualities in the expressions of her eyes , and was a very attractive woman when she was mad , a quality they tried to get into their scripts as often as they could . She told him that that sounded like a standard line to her , and that she wasn 't interested unless she could bring her manager along - meaning me , I guess , since I did go with her . " ' Bring three policemen , if you want , ' he answered . " So that was the way I met Randall Best , who has been so important to my own career , and that was the way my girl friend took me with her to Hollywood . Now , Henry , you tell us how your ' girl friend ' took you to New York . " |
Alien Poverty If you read my new person thread then you probably heard about a book idea I was coming up with . I worked on it and managed to make some progress . So I present my non - Pokemon related story entitled Alien Poverty : The floorboards creaked as a figure moved through the old house , avoiding the squeaky floorboards one at a time . A dark green , reptilian creature standing on two legs stopped in front of a mirror by the front door . He reached for a hat , which then found its place on his smooth , scaly head . With a swing of the door and one last inspection of the gray t - shirt and cargo shorts he was wearing , the creature found himself outside . He carefully closed the door to avoid jamming his tail , and walked down the driveway . He turned in the direction of the tall skyscrapers that signaled downtown , and walked down the street past houses that looked not much newer than his own and just as tired . The creature was passing a house that looked like it hadn 't received a coat of paint in decades , when he heard a shout . " Hey Nolafus ! " A lighter green creature that looked quite a bit younger came out of the door right beside Nolafus . " Hey Kolski , anything exciting happen this morning ? " Nolafus asked continuing his pace down the dusty road . Kolski rolled his eyes . " I slept through my alarm again . I even have that thing close to full blast . " " You better not sleep in , you might get fired . " Nolafus said shaking his head . " Well that 's why you 're here , to wake me up when that does happen . " Kolski said and they both laughed as they continued to walk . " So anything new with you ? " " It 's the fifth year anniversary isn 't it ? " Kolski said quickly dropping the humorous tone in his voice . Nolafus sighed and said , " I miss her sometimes and it 's been hard for the kids , but we 're doing alright now . I know my kids aren 't the only kids to lose one of their parents and I 'm not the only husband to lose his wife , but sometimes I look back and wonder how we made it this far without her . " Nolafus responded pointing to a sign at the front of the bus . " We can 't , remember ? " " I hate that ru - " Kolski started to say , but was interrupted by a shove from a middle aged human . " Move " She blurted out as she made her way to one of the empty seats , followed closely by a middle aged man who took the other seat . " That was awfully rude of her . " Kolski whispered to Nolafus . " Maybe I should talk to her about the meaning of manners . " " Don 't start , " Nolafus said putting a hand on Kolski 's shoulder , " You know the humans don 't treat us the same . It 's something we just have to live with . " Kolski sighed and nodded his head . Thirty minutes passed until their stop came . Nolafus and Kolski stepped off the bus and into downtown surrounded by skyscrapers as far as the eye could see . The fire station was just a block down the road and they soon stepped inside . " Hey Nolafus and Kolski ! " A human shouted from across the room , waving with a smile , " You took long enough to get here , bus running late this morning ? " " Yeah Joe , it was . " Nolafus said with a nervous sigh . " I don 't care , you show up to work on time . I don 't pay you to be late . " The chief shot back and signaled for them to get out of his office . " I 'm just afraid that we 're going to get fired . It 's hard these days to find a job , especially for Srains like us . " Nolafus said gesturing to Kolski and himself . Kolski opened his mouth to say something , but a loud alarm started blaring all throughout the station . " Here we go ! " Joe shouted above the noise reading an address scrolling across a screen , " 1153 West Waterstone Road ! I call driving there ! " All the firefighters came rushing out of various rooms and down the pole to the fire truck . A couple minutes later , the truck was speeding down the road with Joe at the wheel . Five minutes later and the truck was pulling up to a one story house engulfed in flames . Everyone immediately sprang into action , from hooking up the truck to a fire hydrant to controlling the crowd that had already begun to appear . Nolafus immediately took off toward the house . He knew he needed clearance in order to go in there , but he didn 't care . There was a life that needed help , and Nolafus wasn 't about to let someone die because the house might be unsafe . Joe noticed Nolafus heading towards the house , and followed him inside . The living room was engulfed in flames , fire harmlessly lapped at the pair 's fireproof jackets . Joe and Nolafus checked room after room with no luck finding the baby . Finally , at the end of the hall they found the nursery with the baby crying in its crib . Nolafus reached down and scooped up the baby in his arms . The hall was now engulfed in flames with no way to walk through . Nolafus quickly took off his fireproof jacket and covered the baby . He took a couple steps back , and leaped through the flames to the other side his scales preventing any damage that was too serious . Joe followed suit and they both bolted through the front door with the baby , still crying , safe and sound . The mother immediately broke from the crowd and came racing over to Nolafus and Joe . She snatched the baby from Nolafus with a wrinkle in her nose and showered Joe with thank you 's and praise . Joe put his hands up and kept telling the woman that it was Nolafus that saved her baby , and she finally muttered out a small " thank you " in Nolafus ' direction and rushed back towards the crowd . " I guess so . " Nolafus muttered and started walking back towards the truck . An empty feeling took root in his stomach . He felt sick , sick of everything . He just wanted to get away . " Just what ! " Nolafus exclaimed whipping around to face Joe . His voice shook as he continued . Without realizing it , his tail lashed against the ground . " Just ashamed to admit that a Srain helped her ! When will you humans get it ? We have feeling just like you ! We 're not just meatbags , we 're not too tough to sit down on the bus , we 're not inferior , and we 're not aliens anymore ! We live on this Earth just like you and we were born on this Earth just like you ! Why don 't you humans get it ? " Nolafus let out a long , exasperated sigh . " I know you do , I just get , frustrated sometimes about all this . I 'm sorry , I didn 't mean to yell at you . " Nolafus turned a knob and let the hot water run down his scales and wash away his worries . He enjoyed this time after a fire . He could finally slow down and think without anyone coming to interrupt his thoughts . Nolafus reached for the soap and tried to wash off all the ash and debris . After a while , Nolafus never kept track of the time in the shower , he stepped out and grabbed a towel . Nolafus could still scent the lingering smell of smoke on him , it never really went away . Some people couldn 't stand it , but Nolafus wore it as a badge of honor . The smell was a mark that identified him as a life saver , someone who put others ' lives before his own . Nolafus got dressed and walked into the main living space of the fire station . He and Joe sat down at a table and Joe shuffled a deck of cards and dealt Nolafus a hand . A couple minutes later , the chief came into the room . " What you did today was reckless and stupid . I can 't believe you would even think about doing anything like that . " Chief Baker shot at Nolafus and Joe . " This isn 't a joke Joe ! " Chief Baker was at a full shout now , " I 'm in charge of all your lives here and if one of you guys die because of a stupid mistake I get the blame for it ! Each one of you is a valuable part of this team here , and I don 't want to go to another firefighter 's funeral again . " Chief Baker stopped talking abruptly as if he had revealed some secret he was trying to bottle up . " I didn 't know you felt that way chief . " Joe remarked . Kolski and Joe turned around to look through the window . A large group of people and srains were marching up and down the street carrying sign and posters . The signs were painted with various sayings such as " Equal rights for all " and " Srains need liberty " . The three of them walked back to the table and continued playing cards . The next two hours passed by and the crowd still hadn 't dispersed . Nolafus sighed and got up out of his chair . Nolafus and Kolski got up and said goodbye to Joe . They collected their things from their lockers , and walked outside . The scene was chaotic . People were roaming around shouting and hollering as far as the eye could see . Nolafus and Kolski braced themselves and headed out into the crowd . They were about halfway out of the crowd when Nolafus felt a hand on his shoulder . " Come on , your wife will take care of your kids . Stay and fight for your rights ! " The human said trying to whip everyone around him into an even bigger frenzy . The human just stood there as Nolafus and Kolski butted people aside to get through . In a few more blocks they would be out of the crowd and heading home at a steady pace . Two hours later Nolafus said goodnight to Kolski and they both headed inside . Nolafus closed the door behind him and let out a big sigh . The sounds of little footsteps came around the corner and two srains , one about half Nolafus ' height and the other one a little taller , ran to greet him . Nolafus knelt down to the little srain 's height and said , " Hey Kren , I missed you too ! We 'll talk about everything at dinner . " The taller srain stopped a couple feet in front of Nolafus and said , " So anything exciting happen at work today ? " Nolafus stood up and headed for the kitchen as the kids ran off . Thirty minutes later and Nolafus had called the kids to dinner . " So what happened at work today dad ? " Badron asked stirring around his peas . " Well let 's see , " Nolafus started . " There was a fire and Joe and I saved a baby . " " Really ? " Kren asked his eyes widening , " You actually saved a real baby all by yourself ? " " I would ! " Kren started excitement building in his voice , " You save lives and run into fire all day . When I grow up I want to be exactly like you . " Nolafus paused for a second and looked at Kren . " Wow , " he thought to himself . " I 'm gone all day and Kren still want to be like me . " The dinner went on with various conversations from firefighting to school . Once dinner was done Nolafus washed the dishes and played with the kids until bedtime . After a little fuss , Badron and Kren were soon sound asleep and Nolafus was crawling into bed himself . Nolafus turned a picture of a slightly lighter green srain toward him . " Oh Anaria , " Nolafus said to himself . " If only you could see the kids now . They 're growing up so fast and I don 't want to miss a second . Kren looks exactly like you and Badron has your eyes . I just wish there was some way I could be with them more . " Nolafus stared at the picture a minute longer then rolled over and went to sleep . He just had to make it through tomorrow then it was Friday . Nolafus was determined to spend the entire day with Badron and Kren , and make sure it was a day they would never forget . Chapter 3 Nolafus stepped out of the door and smelled the morning air . Rain had fallen over the night and the air felt damp and heavy . Nolafus walked down the sidewalk and paused a few houses down . He looked at all the homes and everything was still . The whole neighborhood looked like it was asleep . Nolafus rolled his eyes and walked up the path to Kolski 's front door . He knocked on the front door with no response from within . He reached down and felt for a key under the door mat . Nolafus found a key , inserted it into the lock and made his way inside . " Hey Kolski ! " Nolafus shouted into the dark hall . Nolafus heard a rustle , a few curse words , and an even louder rustle from behind a closed door . A few seconds later , Kolski emerged . They walked out of the house and jogged their way to the bus stop to make up for lost time . They reached the bus stop just in time to board . The bus was unusually crowded and Nolafus and Kolski had to nudge their way to an opening . Nolafus grabbed hold of a bar and all of a sudden something changed . The world started spinning and going dark . Nolafus felt a hand on his shoulder guide him to a seat and he sat down in a heap . Nolafus shook his head and everything went back to normal . The bus was traveling along the street and the sun was shining . An old man stared at Nolafus and said , " Are you alright ? " " Yeah , I think so . " Nolafus responded rubbing his head , " I don 't know what happened . Everything just started spinning . I guess I can 't run like I used to . " " Hey , that 's not how you treat your best friend now is it ? " Jacob said with a false sense of hurt in his voice . " I can 't even believe you would talk to me like that . " " Not to you I won 't , so don 't ask over and over again . My kids are more grown up than you especially when you do that . " Nolafus responded turning back around . " Listen pal , " Jacob started . " I didn 't show up to work today to be disrespected by some lizard . You need to start showing some respect for your superiors . " Kolski came back over and the three of them looked over the chore list posted up on the wall . Kolski sighed , picked up a broom leaning against the wall and headed for the garage dragging the broom behind him . Joe walked over to a drawer , got out a spray bottle and a cloth , and proceeded to spray the windows . Nolafus walked over to the kitchen and started gathering various items . " It 's so good though ! It 's a firehouse favorite . " Joe said as another firefighter came to check the chore list . " Hey Anthony ! " " Nolafus , there 's a call for you on line two . " Chief Baker said gesturing towards the phone on the wall . Nolafus looked at Joe who was sitting on a couch . Joe threw his arms up in the air and started doing the dishes as Nolafus answered the phone . A couple minutes later , Nolafus hung up the phone . Nolafus went into Chief Baker 's office and a couple minutes later , was walking down the street towards the bus stop . Nolafus boarded the bus and was down at the school a half - hour later . Nolafus walked right into the building and up to the office . A secretary led him into the principal 's office where the principal and Badron were there to meet him . Badron paused for a moment and continued . " No , the kid apologized right away and even offered to buy me something out of the vending machines to make up for it , but at that moment a big kid stopped walking by and said that no human should ever apologize to a srain . The bigger kid scared the other one away and continued harass me . Eventually things got heated and he tried to punch me , but I dodged it and punched him in the face in self - defense . He went crying to a teacher after that and now we 're here . " " School policy states that Badron must be suspended for at least one week . Since this is Badron 's first issue and no one was seriously hurt I think the one week suspension will be fine . " The principal said . Nolafus got up and left the school with Badron following close behind . Eventually the two of them arrived at the fire station and Nolafus led the way inside . The room was completely empty . No one could be heard or seen . Nolafus entertained Badron for a couple hours before the rest of the fire crew came back . Everyone filtered into the living space and the showers . " So what did I miss ? " Nolafus asked Joe as he came into the living space . " Nothing major , just someone 's shed caught fire when their kid decided it would be a good idea to practice his pyrotechnic skills in there . The shed was a total loss , but we did manage to prevent the flames from reaching the house . So how 's Badron doing ? " " What the hell is wrong with you ? " Nolafus shouted as Jacob took a step back . " Calling me lizard in front of my own kid ! I should knock some manners back into you ! Didn 't your mom teach you anything ? " " Looks like I touched a nerve there . " Jacob said smiling , " I didn 't know you could get riled up like this Nolafus . I like it . " " Don 't you take anything seriously ? I should smack that smile off your face right now ! I put up with you in the past , but this was a new low even for you ! " Nolafus shouted back taking a step towards Jacob . " Lizards don 't scare me . " Jacob said taking a step towards Nolafus . " It 's not like you 're going to do anything about it anyway . " Nolafus grabbed Jacob and threw him down the hall . Jacob slid across the floor until he collided with a wall . Jacob sat up and smiled at Nolafus . Nolafus took a step towards Jacob and Jacob flinched . Nolafus paused , took a deep breath , and walked back out into the living area leaving Jacob sitting against the wall . " Sure I do , but he called you a lizard . Did he call you that because you kind of look like one ? " Badron asked looking over at Nolafus . " It 's true I do look like a lizard in some ways , but that isn 't what he meant . You see , lizard is a slang term for srains . Lizards are stupid creatures who rely on instinct to survive . They are incapable of learning anything significant and are surpassed in every way by humans . That 's what he meant by calling me lizard . That I was stupid and below him . " Nolafus said pulling Badron closer to him . " I hope you never have to see that again . " " That 's not very fair . If I were you I would 've beat him up for saying something like that to me . " Badron said imitating a punch with his right arm . " Don 't talk like that . " Nolafus said glaring at Badron . " You know that violence is never the answer . Look where it got you now . You 're going to be a week behind in school and now you get to wake up early and come to work with me . " " No one cares if there aren 't many people on . " Nolafus responded patting a seat next to him . " You 're not going to stand the entire time , are you ? Badron took a seat next to Nolafus and stared out the window . The scenery changed from buildings and people , to plains and fields as the bus headed out of the city . A while had passed before Nolafus tried to make a conversation . " Yes , she loved flowers . " Nolafus said reaching over to pick up Kren , who had found his way over to one of the other passengers . " Sorry about that . " " I also remember talking with her a lot . " Badron said shifting his gaze back towards the window . " We would talk about whatever I wanted to talk about . It didn 't matter how upset or sad I was , she would just hug me and say that no matter what , she was there and that she loved me . " Nolafus sat there and remained quiet . The bus continued along the highway and eventually came across a small town . When the bus stopped , Nolafus lead the way off and started walking down the main street toward a group of houses . Nolafus approached one of the houses and knocked . A light green srain came to answer the door . " Hi mom . " Nolafus said taking his mother - in - law in a big embrace . " It 's been a while since we 've been down for a visit . " " Oh , nothing has really changed . " Nolafus responded , " Still the same old thing . I would ask you the same thing , but nothing here ever really changes does it ? " Marta glanced down the hallway to make sure it was empty . " They 're a part of that srainian right 's group who think it 's their duty to make sure we are happy . I think they 're just trying to break down that social barrier . " " Oh , I 'm fine with them . " Marta said , taking another look down the hall and still speaking in a hushed tone . " It 's Jerran that has the problem with it . " " Unfortunately , yes , " Marta said . " But , can you blame him ? After all they have done to us , it 's a miracle a civil war hasn 't broken out . Plus , he 's not the most forgiving person in the world , you should have seen what he did when he found out about the neigh - " Marta was cut short by the sound of the door at the end of the hall opening . A few seconds later , Jerran popped into the room and took a seat by Marta . " So what did I miss ? " Jerran grunted out as he sat down . Jerran shook the hand off of his shoulder and sat up . " Oh , you mean those humans that just moved in ? No one wants them around , I 'll give them a month before they move out . " Jerran mumbled something under his breath and slumped back into the sofa . No one talked and the room fell dead silent . Marta looked around at everyone for a while before speaking . " So Nolafus , " She blurted out . " How 's that one friend of yours , the one that lives right next to you . His name was Kosbi , I think . " " It was because the humans didn 't have a choice . " Nolafus responded sitting up and looking Jerran in the eyes . " Kolski 's parents were part of the group called The Protectors , remember ? It was either they defended themselves or die , " Jerran stood up and shouted at Nolafus . " Shut up ! You don 't get to defend them ! Remember what they did to us , this family , you , Anaria ? How dare you try to justify their actions ! " " I will never forget what they did to us . " Nolafus shouted back , standing up as well . " The important thing is that we move on and forgive . Otherwise , we 'll never learn to get along . " " Don 't you preach at me boy ! " Jerran responded a fire igniting inside his eyes . " If it weren 't for you , moving to that awful city of yours , Anaria would still be alive ! " Marta extended her arm to try to stop Nolafus , but pulled it back immediately and bowed her head . Nolafus came back into the living room with Badron and Kren . Jerran turned his head away , but Marta followed them to the front door . " Do we really have a choice ? " Nolafus asked turning around . " Look , we 'll see you next year where maybe things won 't get as heated . " " Thanks mom , I 'm sorry things turned out like that . " Nolafus responded as he started walking towards the bus stop . Nolafus waited till he was out of earshot , " I 'm sorry about Anaria . " The bus was nearly empty on the ride back to the city . Nolafus . Badron , and Kren were all sitting in seats watching the scenery zoom past the window . " No , " Nolafus responded after a pause , getting Badron 's attention back . " It 's time I told you the story . Do you know of the group called the protectors ? " " Well they were a group of srains who banded together to protect everyone else from inequality and mistreatment . When they were in their prime , around ten years ago , everything was going smoothly and even some humans were let into the group . Just when everything finally started to look up , a human member of the group was charged with murdering a srainian member . The human was tried , and found not guilty . Instead of things settling back down , an extremist branch turned and started picking off the human members one by one . Things escalated and it almost broke out into civil war . Luckily so many members dropped out , that they were reduced to nothing but a street gang , infamous for trouble . " " I was just giving you some background knowledge , sorry , I have a tendency to make stories longer than what they should be . " Nolafus responded patting Badron on the back . " Well Anaria had gone to the store to pick up groceries , when the attack started . The Protectors had begun another street raid and begun killing humans wherever they could find them . The police were called and a huge fight broke out . Anaria had gone into an alley , I presume for shelter , when The Protectors began fighting police , many with the intent to kill . A few srains ran into the same alley as Anaria was hiding and when the police came running in after them , they found her . Wanting to avenge their fallen officers , they … they , I 'm sorry , " Nolafus said blinking back tears . Nolafus started walking down the street with Badron and Kren following close behind . The bus had dropped them off in the outskirts of downtown . It seemed that everyone had their lunch break at the same time as hundreds of people crowded the sidewalk and the streets . Nolafus ordered Badron and Kren to stay close . People were pushing and shoving eachother to get where they were going when Badron lost sight of Nolafus . Badron turned around in all directions , but couldn 't find his father . He started panicking and jumping to try to catch a glimpse ever everyone 's head . Badron had no idea what to do when a hand came shooting out of the crowd and pulled him inside a building . Nolafus was there with Kren and Badron sighed of relief . The building that Nolafus had pulled Badron into , was a flower shop . " Let 's wait here a while , " Nolafus suggested . " At least until the crowd dies down a bit . " The group spread throughout the store looking at the various bouquets on display . Nolafus picked up a particularly colorful bunch and proceeded to buy them at the register . Most of the crowd had seemed to filter back into the buildings from which they appeared . After a few minutes , Nolafus led the group outside . " So where are we going now ? " Badron asked catching up to Nolafus . Nolafus kept walking down the street and disappeared around a corner . Once Badron rounded the bend he noticed a cemetery that he had never known to exist . He saw Nolafus enter and stand near one of the tombstones . Badron waited for Kren to catch up and headed for the cemetery himself . " No , " Nolafus replied still staring at the tombstone . " We always went shopping together . It was one of those things we planned around my schedule , as something we could do together . I just happened to get called into work that day . I insisted she go . I should have been there , I could have done something . I would have saved her . " " You 're a good sport . " Nolafus said patting Badron 's head , " You 've really stepped up since mom passed . I just wished things were easier . " Badron and Kren stepped away as Nolafus took one last look at the tombstone and memories of how they met flooded back into his brain . It was a normal day in Delwood . Srains were going about their day and Nolafus was hanging out in the alley with a friend . " Hey Nolafus , " A slightly darker green srain called from across the alley . " You got anything going on today ? " " Well that sucks . " Rineon said sitting down on a nearby crate . " Hey , I 'm getting hungry , you want to go down to the store and get some food ? " Nolafus got up and started walking to the entrance to the alley . He rounded the corner where the girl had disappeared and kept walking . He kept walking and searching until he finally caught sight of her . Nolafus caught up to her and tapped her on the shoulder . Nolafus stopped walking and started heading back towards the alley . He found a new spring in his step and his heart was nearly exploding out of delight . Nolafus entered the alley where Rineon was still sitting on the crate throwing a ball against the wall and catching it . Nolafus and Rineon walked a couple blocks down to the local store and went to the snack aisle . Nolafus picked out a couple bags of chips and paid for them at the counter . Rineon followed Nolafus out the door and back to the alley where Rineon lifted his shirt to reveal three bags of chips . They all walked out of the cemetery together and towards the nearest bus stop . The bus was crowded , but Nolafus didn 't mind . There was still one thing that he had to do today . " Tonight , we are having steaks . " Nolafus replied taking the cover off of the plate . " I hope they turn out okay , I don 't really cook them a lot so I don 't know how to make them perfectly . " " Yeah , " Nolafus said recalling his last attempt . " Let 's not focus too hard on last time . I finally made good steaks and that 's what matters . " " I don 't really like talking about it . " Nolafus said leaning back in his chair . " Brings up a lot of bad memories I would rather you not know about . " Nolafus and Badron cleaned up the dishes and wiped off the table . They sat down in the living room and talked . They talked about various things , but nothing specific as Kren played with his toys . Before long they were all getting ready for bed . Badron 's question still bounced around in Nolafus ' skull about his past . Nolafus tried hard to forget about it , but the memories were constantly floating in the back of his mind , waiting for an excuse to come into the spotlight . Before long , Nolafus fell into a troubled sleep . Anyway , on to more relevant matters . Currently , I don 't think you need to worry about not getting enough information across . We definitely get that the lizard creatures are shunned by humans , that these particular ones are firefighters , and that one of them lost his wife . However , currently your exposition is a little clumsy , and it feels a bit like an info dump . You really don 't need to tell us all of this quite yet - it 's okay to leave things shady in the beginning . Also , some of the exposition comes off as a bit weird , in the " As you know , Bob " - sense , if you 've heard of that trope . Essentially , the characters are saying things to each other that they both are aware of , which is kind of strange . Especially in the case of Joe telling the two Srains that they 're fire resistant . You can safely put most of that in the narration , I think . I know this is one of those cases where the writing community keeps saying " show , don 't tell " , but telling is also okay , and what you 're actually doing right now is telling , just indirectly . So , you can leave out the part about the characters talking about being firefighters and simply say they arrive at the fire station , which will show us that they are , indeed , firefighters . You can show the thing about being fire - resistant when they actually go put out a fire , which I assume they are shortly going to do . And , instead of having one of the characters say that humans don 't treat Srains the same way , you can , for instance , tell us that the two characters see some free seats , but there 's a sign forbidding them from sitting on them , or just otherwise letting us know they can 't sit there . These are difficult things - exposition , information , what to tell and what to leave untold . I struggle with stuff like this a lot myself , mostly where I want to tell the readers more than they probably care to know . Here , I think you 're falling prey to the same issue . We don 't need to know this much yet , and we will probably find all of this out in the course of the story itself . So , you can definitely go a bit ligher on the exposition . You 're also suffering from a case of walloftextitis here , but that 's simply a matter of formatting , and could easily have occurred when copypasting your text into the posting window . Currently , your text has hardly any breathing space , and reading it becomes more difficult and tedious . Make sure to separate your paragraphs with two line changes , so that you get an empty line between them . Also , lines are usually contained in their own paragraphs . Let me give you an example : Kolski opened his mouth to say something , but a loud alarm started blaring all throughout the station . Then , matters of grammar . You make some minor comma mistakes , but otherwise the text is quite good . However , you have several odd mistakes in the first paragraph that are in need of correcting . I bolded the odd sentence here . The image I get here is very odd , because for one , the hat is an active agent in this sentence , which makes me think of the hat falling or flinging itself onto the smooth scaly head . Also , since you say " a smooth , scaly head " instead of " his smooth , scaly head " , it comes off as someone else 's head besides the reptilian creature 's . I would suggest revising this a little , maybe rewording it to something else , or at least changing the " a " to " his " to avoid strange images . On that note , this is also a perfect place to give us a bit of a description of our main character . So , he 's reptilian on two legs . Is he humanoid ? What kind of a reptile does he look like ? What color is his skin ? Does he have a tail ? What do his eyes look like ? Why does he wear a suit and a hat ? You pique our interest with a new , strange character , but then make it fairly difficult to imagine him because there 's so little to go on . However , I should note that this is a highly personal thing . I tend to prefer a bit more description than some people , so if you 're of the " leave it up to the reader " - school of writers , you don 't have to describe the character very much . It would be nice to know something , at least , though . You switch tenses here , and while I can see why you 'd do that , it doesn 't work . This should be " hadn 't " . Also , it seems a bit strange that you refer to the main character as a " creature " , because that alienates the reader slightly . But that could , again , be a personal concern , so take it with a grain of salt . Quote : " Thanks , Joe . You always seem to know just what to say . I 'm not sure if I ever thanked you for that , " Nolafus said , a smile coming across his face and his nerves settling down . 2 ) Because we know nothing about Nolafus besides that he 's a reptilian creature , having him suddenly smile is strange . I can 't imagine what a lizard smiling might look like , so the image I had of him in my head was slightly broken by this . That 'll probably be avoided if you give the reader a bit more to go by when imagining the characters . Overall , this seems like a fairly interesting start to a story , though it 's awfully short so it 's difficult to say for sure . I don 't know how long your next chapter is , but if it isn 't horribly long , you could consider merging this one with that to make it a bit more stretched out to capture our attention . Length can be a tricky thing - too long , and people don 't want to pick it up ; too short , and people will set the story down in impatience and move on . This here is just long enough to get me interested , but then it cuts out abruptly just as I start to care . But , again , this is a personal sort of thing , so someone might prefer exactly this length of chapters . Ultimately you should do what you want to do , but I 'm just letting you know what my opinion is if you want to refer to it . I 'll definitely keep reading if you keep posting . Try to pay a bit more attention to commas , which you seem to skip quite often , and spacing , which you currently lack entirely . Story - wise , I don 't have much criticism to offer . I 'll have to read further to know how this is going to work out . But , in general , the setting has me interested , I 'd like to know more about the characters and the world , and especially the origin and nature of the lizard people . Why are they there ? Especially if humans are jerks to them ? So , yes , I 'll definitely be reading more . RE : Alien Poverty I changed just about everything you mentioned and I just want to say thanks . This is the first time I 'm attempting something of this magnitude and I know I have a lot to learn . My biggest weakness I feel right now is showing and descriptions . I don 't have a lot of experience with this kind of work since the only style of writing they teach you in school is essay writing . : / I still don 't quite understand when commas are appropriate so if you could point out exactly where I need them then that would be greatly appreciated . I tried to add them when necessary , but I feel like I missed a lot of spots where they needed to be there . I added more story to the first chapter and tried to describe the main character better . I would post a picture of what the Srains are supposed to look like , but I suck at drawing . Could you understand that the first time I used Srains that I was referring to the species name of the aliens ? I tried to make it obvious with using humans in there as well and I was wondering if that worked . The story is set on Earth in modern times , maybe a little in the past like in the early 2000 's before all these fancy gadgets were invented , but there is one main difference . Aliens have been discovered and some of them have begun living on Earth and have been doing so for a couple generations . They are suffering from racism and poverty ( exactly like how " colored " people used to be treated ) and that is the main conflict of the story hence the title " Alien Poverty " . The story follows the life , for a little bit , of an alien named Nolafus . The book is just supposed to entertain the reader with the story of his life and his struggles against racism . The story ends with . . . ( I 'm not going to reveal THAT ) . RE : Alien Poverty Second chapter is up . Please give it a read and leave some great feedback ! I 'm not sure when the third chapter will be completed with my senior year in high school closing and everything that goes along with it , but I should be on often enough to make edits to this chapter in the meantime . RE : Alien Poverty Third chapter is up ! I also edited the introduction to the second chapter a little . Tell me how the story is so far and how my writing could be improved . RE : Alien Poverty Hah ! Quintuple posting , there 's no rule against that ! Only double posting ! Maybe it 's the fact that it 's currently three o ' clock in the morning where I live , but that sounded a lot funnier in my head . Anyways , the story takes a more serious turn this chapter . It took a surprisingly long time for me to write this out . Writer 's block was behind every sentence , but I finally managed to get my ideas on paper . Special thanks go to An - chan for the idea on where they should go , I feel the chapter has more depth now than it would have otherwise . I had a thought that I ended the chapter a little too early so let me know if you feel the same way . Hope you enjoy the new chapter ! " Hey Nolafus ! " Rineon called out walking towards Nolafus who was sitting on a crate . " We got a new recruit who thinks they 're ready for the big leagues . " Dregar stood up as tall as he could , " I 'm the best . No one can best me in a fight . I 've beaten much bigger guys than you . Just the other day I was ambushed by two guys from your rival gang and by the end I practically had them running . One of them was even crying . I 'm better than you 'll ever be . " Dregar took a few steps back and took a running start at Nolafus . Dregar threw his fist towards Nolafus ' head with all his might . Nolafus quickly moved out of the way and grabbed Dregar 's outstretched arm . Before Dregar had time to react Nolafus spun him around and threw him against the wall . Dregar fell down , but quickly got back up . Dregar screamed as he charged Nolafus . Nolafus grabbed Dregar 's shoulders and fell down with his foot against Dregar 's abdomen propelling Dregar into a pile of trash cans with a loud crash . Dregar stayed laying down in the pile of trash with his head down . Nolafus got back up on his feet and turned towards Dregar . " Don 't come in here talking big and making up stories about how tough you are . In here you can talk all you want , but that doesn 't mean a thing when you get into a real fight . If this were a real fight with our rivals , you 'd be dead right now . Get out of my alley . " Nolafus walked over and sat down on a crate next to the pile of dented trash cans . " Yeah , where do you keep finding these guys ? Now he 's going to go across town and join up with the Justers like all the others . Like they need an even bigger number advantage over us . We 're barely holding onto this neighborhood as it is . " " I guess you 're right . " Rineon remarked leaning forward . " Who runs that gang again ? Oh , that 's right , Juster does ! It 's so easy to remember when he names the gang after himself . We need to change our name from the Black Claw . It 's so cheesy . " " We came up with that in middle school , remember ? " Nolafus said picking up a trash can trying to pop out the dents . " Besides , we couldn 't come up with any better names and this one is stuck now . " " Oh crap , " Nolafus said tossing the trash can aside and leaning forward . " I forgot all about that . I have a date with Anaria tonight . I can 't cancel again , she 'll kill me . " Rineon looked over at Nolafus . " I 'll cover this meeting , go ahead with your date . I 'm sure I won 't screw things up too badly while you 're away . " " Thanks Rineon , you 're a life saver . " Nolafus said leaning back and picking up the trash can . " You know our one year anniversary is next week . " Noolafus looked at the watch on his wrist . " Four forty - five . Just about time for me to leave to pick up Anaria . I 'll see you tomorrow and good luck with the meeting . " Nolafus got up and left the alley pausing at the entrance to wave to Rineon . The evening air was crisp and light as Nolafus walked down a couple blocks to a house with a light green srain waiting on the porch . Nolafus walked up to the srain and took her in a big embrace . Nolafus open the door for Anaria and they both stepped inside . The diner was full of srains laughing over their different conversations being held over classic rock while various waitresses went from table to table writing down orders and taking dishes away . Nolafus lead Anaria to the last empty booth and took a seat . Soon a light green waitress appeared with a nametag that read " Kailery " . " Yeah , I don 't think I 've ever seen this place not filled to the brim . " Nolafus said looking at the crowd himself . " Maybe during closing time . " " Yeah , I know . " Anaria responded . " I remember that one date where both diners were full to the brim and we ended up going back to my place and eating frozen dinners . " The conversation eventually faded and Nolafus and Anaria sat there in silence listening to the classic rock playing overhead . " Hey Nolafus ? " Anaria asked as Nolafus took a drink of root beer . " Do you ever see us getting married ? " " Burgers are here ! " Kailery said setting down two burgers on either side of the table as Nolafus let out a quiet sigh . " Let me know if you need anything else , okay ? " Nolafus and Anaria were walking home when Nolafus walked passed an alley and looked inside . Rineon was standing on a box surrounded by twenty srains . Rineon 's mouth was moving , but Nolafus was too far away to hear what he was saying . Anaria noticed Nolafus had changed his gaze to the alley and looked over herself . Rineon mimicked a gagging motion to which Nolafus promptly punched him in the shoulder . A dark green srain came into view at the entrance to the alley . After a moment , two other srains joined the first on either side and followed him into the alley . Nolafus stood up and nudged Anaria behind him . " What do you want Juster . " " That 's why I have this . " Juster said pulling out a pistol from his pocket and leveling it at Nolafus ' head . " You want a problem solved ? Take it out at the source . " Rineon shifted in his seat . " After the meeting I took a couple guys to mess up their hideout . Oh , and I wouldn 't shoot him if I were you . " Rineon stood up and pointed his pistol at Juster 's head . No one moved , each one calculating their next course of action . Juster turned to take a better look at Rineon when Nolafus ducked and swept his feet out from under him . Juster fell down with a thud , wrapping his tail around one of Rineon 's feet and taking Rineon down with him . The fall had caused both their guns to go sliding away in different directions . Nolafus had picked up a gun and pointed it at the two srains who had accompanied Juster into the alley . Both of them took off running , leaving Juster to fend for himself . Juster had managed to get both of his legs under Rineon and sent him flying into the trash cans nearby . Nolafus turned around to see where Rineon had landed , and when he turned back around , Juster was there , holding a gun . The two of them stood there , each wielding a gun aimed for each other . No one moved a muscle for a full minute . Anaria let out a scream from between a couple of crates . Nolafus looked down at his chest , his eyes flying wide open . However , when Nolafus looked down , not a single bullet hole was to be found . Nolafus looked up , just in time to see Juster , falling down to the ground in a heap . Blood trickling down from a hole in his chest unto the floor of the alley . Nolafus awoke with a start . He was breathing heavily and sat up straight . Nolafus let out a big sigh and laid back down . He brought his knees up under his chin , and wept . " Hello Bristol ! It 's currently six o ' clock on this fine Monday morning . The sky looks clear and it 's expected to stay that way for the rest of the week . Prepare those swimming trunks and hoses , because it is going to be a scorcher today . Coming up is - " Nolafus pressed down on the alarm clock and groaned as he slowly began to crawl out of bed . He trudged over to his dresser and began dressing for the day . The scent of morning coffee hung in the kitchen like a blanket when Badron came walking in with a big yawn . " I didn 't have to get you up this morning . " Nolafus said , pouring himself a cup of coffee . " Well , that means everything will dry out faster . " Nolafus said taking a sip of coffee and leaning back onto the counter . " Hopefully , everyone will have their hoses on and getting everything wet . " The fire truck raced through the city , sirens blaring loudly as cars swerved off to the side of the road . The truck rounded a corner and came screeching to a halt outside a house already engulfed in flames . Various firefighters hopped out of the truck and jumped into action . Nolafus immediately started to control the crowd outside and began moving them back to a safe distance . A firefighter came over to Nolafus and tapped him on the shoulder . The two of them entered the house and it immediately became clear the structure wasn 't going to hold for much longer . Nolafus and Kolski found the stairs and darted up , being careful not to step on the really burnt spots . The path forked off in two different directions . Nolafus was about to run to the left , when he heard a scream coming from his right . He raced down the hallway , the heat burning his scales through his jacket , and burst through a door . A little girl was sitting in a corner crying . Nolafus ran over and scooped up the girl in his arms . He turned around and motioned to Kolski to get out of there . Nolafus was just about to take a step forward when he heard the floor under him start to creak under his weight . Nolafus threw the little girl at Kolski just in time as the boards gave way and Nolafus fell down into the room below . He landed on the oxygen tank strapped to his back with a thud . Nolafus looked up just in time to see board after board falling down after him . The boards landed directly on top of him , one board came directly down on Nolafus 's head . The strike broke open Nolafus ' mask and caused a severe gash right above his left eye . Smoke began to seep through the cracks and into his lungs . His vision began to blur . Nolafus noticed his body was covered with burning boards . He struggled in vain to get the boards off . He could feel his body being burned through the jacket . Blood was spilling into his eye and onto the floor . Nolafus looked around him , he noticed he was in the garage . A car sat to his left , he knew that if the flames managed to reach the car , it was all over . He used every ounce of his draining strength to move the boards . The boards didn 't move , and Nolafus collapsed . When Nolafus opened his eyes , he wasn 't burning , he wasn 't surrounded by fire , and he wasn 't even in a building . Instead , he was floating . Nolafus looked around and he found himself in a sort of void . He remained floating there , looking out at the deep abyss . He tried to remember what he was doing , but tNolafus raised his hand to shield his eyes from the bright light , but it soon died down . Nolafus lowered his hand to reveal a dark hole where the light had been . Rays of light showed the outlined of the dark hole , and Nolafus smiled . The dark hole seemed so inviting , he even thought he could hear music . Nolafus thought about trying to remember the clouded memories , but it just seemed like so much work . Why spend so much effort when it was so easy just to give in ? Nolafus gave up on his thoughts and began to drift towards the hole , he was still a ways away , but he had time . It 's not like anyone was expecting him anywhere . He had no responsibilities and all the time in the world , he could go anywhere , do anything , but right now , all Nolafus wanted to do was go through that hole . He could just simply fall in there . Wait , " fall … " why does that ring a bell ? Nolafus stopped to ponder this thought which had invaded his mind . The thought was just a whisper , but it kept repeating itself . Each time it grew louder and louder , eventually the thought was shouting in his head . Nolafus raised his hands to his head in an effort to drown out the screaming . He winced , he felt pain dart through his entire body . What was happening ? What is this place ? Why am I here ? Nolafus ' eyes flew open . His memory , foggy a second ago , had now began to appear . He had a wife , wait , she died a while ago . Yet he still felt love , and loved . How can this be ? Nolafus remembered two srains , sons ? Yes , definitely sons , one was twelve , the other seven . What were their names ? Badron and Kren , his two sons . Another srain and a human appeared in his thoughts , Kolski and Joe , my friends . Firefighters , they were firefighters . That one word , fall , why did that word feel so real ? Fall , I was falling . Falling from where ? There was a fire , and I was falling . All of Nolafus ' memories came flooding back to him in an instant and he remembered everything . He remembered finding that little girl , he remembered falling through the floor , and he remembered not being able to escape . The void that had once seemed so safe , began to fade , and the hole that once looked so inviting . Nolafus noticed it wasn 't a hole at all , but a mouth . Everything around him seem to melt as he was shot up , into a bright light . Nolafus took a deep breath and immediately started pushing everything off of him . The boards were easier to move for some reason . He shot up and started running through the door . He took off through the hallway where he saw a woman standing there , wearing nothing . She was surrounded by fire and turned away from him , but she didn 't move . In fact , she seemed to be wearing the fire . Her entire body was adorned with a cloak made entirely of flickering energy . Nolafus called out to her , and she turned around . Her first look was one of shock as she walked towards Nolafus and started pushing him back towards the burning garage . Nolafus tried with all his might to escape from her grasp , but it was no use . She wouldn 't let go and despite the struggle Nolafus was putting up , she was able to drag him back into the garage . She lifted up the boards and started to push Nolafus back under them . Nolafus wasn 't able to escape , and not willing to give up the fight , he screamed . Nolafus screamed so loudly and with such intensity , he had to close his eyes and he felt the grip of the woman loosen , and release . When Nolafus opened his eyes , the boards were gone . Nolafus looked down and saw sheets , bed sheets . His eyes darted around the room . The fire was put out . In fact , there didn 't seem to be a fire at all . The woman was still there , but she was wearing something different . She was wearing a nurse 's outfit . She was clamping her hands over her ears like a loud noise had just been plaguing her . Nolafus took another look around the room . The walls were white and the sound of humming could be heard coming from various machines . Plastic tubes extended out from these machines into his wrist . A constant , steady beeping broke the silence as Nolafus looked over to a machine with a light that danced every time the beeping rang out . Pain shot up through his entire body as he tried to get up again . The entire room spun around faster and faster until Nolafus collapsed back unto the bed , and fell asleep . Nolafus awoke to the same room he was in before . The machines were still buzzing , but the room was dark and empty . Nolafus took a look around and saw a window . It was dark outside , and the moon was out . Nolafus looked around for a clock . Nolafus sighed and leaned back in the bed . When he hit the mattress , pain shot up through his body . Nolafus winced and waited for the pain to fade away . He felt like he had this dream , a weird dream . He could see a void , a woman dressed in fire , but nothing else . Nolafus felt like it was more than a dream , but he soon gave up on trying to remember . A streetlight outside of Nolafus ' window shined through the blinds and down on a table . The light bounced off of an object and into Nolafus ' eye . He turned to see what was on it . Nolafus was surprised to see a bouquet of flowers , he was shocked to see the entire table adorned with various cards and gifts . He began to count the people in his head that would send him these things , but no matter how many times he counted , the number of cards seemed to quadruple the number of people Nolafus could think of . He leaned over to try to take a few , but pain shot up through his body . Nolafus winced and was able to swipe one card . He looked at it , but it was too dark to make out any of the words . Nolafus looked around once again and was able to find a lamp within easy reach . He turned it on , and began reading . Thank you for saving my niece . I can 't express in words how grateful I am that you would risk your life , to save another . You are a true inspiration and it 's srains like you that give me hope for the others . I can 't imagine the pain and the suffering you went through , and I do sincerely hope that you wake up one day to read this . Please get better soon . " Wake up one day , what does that mean ? " Nolafus asked to no one in particular . Nolafus looked around for a calendar , but couldn 't find one . " How long have I been out ? " Nolafus ' attention suddenly turned to his kids . He wondered where they were , if they were worried , if they knew he was alright . Nolafus thought about these questions for a long time , but then , he thought about that little girl . " I guess she 's alright . " Nolafus thought , turning his attention back to the card . " I mean , if her uncle wrote that she is . " Nolafus paused and took a deep breath . He cautiously leaned back into the bed and closed his eyes . He couldn 't get mad , the guy probably meant well , but there was no use getting mad . Anger only made things worse . Before long , Nolafus fell into a dreamless sleep . " Calm down ? I 've been out for a month and you want me to calm down ? " Nolafus asked pushing her away . " Where are my kids ? Where have they been living ? For pete 's sake I 've been out for a month ? " Nolafus plopped back down on his bed . For the first time , he noticed a knot in his lower back . It throbbed and emitted waves of pain . Nolafus winced as the doctor came in . " I wouldn 't move much if I were you . " The doctor said as he came over , whipping out a pen and began writing something down on a clipboard . " You 're in pretty bad shape , moving might make it worse . " " I don 't even know how to begin . " Nolafus said , looking at the ceiling . " I mean , it couldn 't have been a month . I wasn 't out for that long , a couple days maybe , but not a month . " The doctor jotted something down on his clipboard , got up , and left the room . Nolafus was left there listening to the hum of the machines and looking at his legs . The sheets clearly showed the outline of two legs , but Nolafus couldn 't feel them . He carefully put his head back down . The nurse thought for a moment . " Well , I wasn 't there personally , but I have heard about it . I think you got out of bed , walked out into the hall , and got a nurse 's attention . Naturally she tried to put you back in your bed , but you were fighting her every step of the way . You were pretty weak , so it was obviously important we get you back in the bed , but right as she was about to pull the covers over you , you screamed . I was working on the floor above you at the time , and even I heard that scream . After that , you passed out . " The nurse looked over at the table , " That 's easy . You 're quite the popular guy . " She said walking over to it . " There 's also these letters under here . " Nolafus ' eyes bulged when he saw two bins under the table completely full . " How is that even possible ? I don 't have that many friends . " " Really , they shared that on the news ? " Nolafus asked , " Can you at least bring the letters over here or something ? It would be nice to have something to do here . " The nurse turned around and walked out of the room before Nolafus could thank her . He looked at the table and bins . He couldn 't believe how much mail he had received . Nolafus picked up card after card and started reading . Nolafus skimmed through each card , until he came across a card using his first name . A friend for sure . I really hope you get better soon . The fire station isn 't the same without you . Looking back on it all , I 'm amazed at your selflessness . You just did something hardly anyone else would do . I 'm not exactly sure what happened , Kolski isn 't telling much , but all I do know is that instead of trying to save the both of you and possibly hurting the little girl , you threw her to safety and took the fall yourself . The doctors are being dumb and won 't let me see you until " you 're in proper condition " , but just letting you know that I 'll be there the first chance I get . Don 't worry about your kids , they 're staying over at Anaria 's parents ' house . We tried to find your parents , but they wouldn 't return our calls . Don 't give up , I 'll see you soon . Nolafus closed the card and set it on the corner of the table . He was glad the kids were safe . Nolafus yawned and rubbed his eyes . He was surprised at how tiring being in pain was . Nolafus closed his eyes , and before long , fell asleep . " Because you are . " The doctor said , " We don 't know how you were able to walk . Before your episode , we ran some tests and concluded that you were paralyzed from the waist down . Later that month , a nurse reported seeing you walk , you were pretty weak , but walking . " " Well , Kolski and I found the little girl upstairs in a room . " Nolafus started . " When I ran over and picked her up , the floor gave way underneath me and I threw the little girl to safety . I crashed into the garage and a bunch of boards landed on me . Nothing landed on my back . " Getting up from the chair , the doctor jotted a few things down on his clipboard , and left the room . Nolafus sat there with only the humming of the machines to break the silence . He looked at his legs , shook his head , and laid back down . He leaned over and picked up a couple cards . Nolafus started reading through them when the door to his room opened . " Joe ? " Nolafus said looking up from the cards . Joe scratched his chin , trying to recall the memories . " Well , let 's see . From my perspective , Kolski was the one that brought the little girl out . He set the little girl down on the porch , told her to run to her parents , and immediately darted back inside . That 's when I knew something was wrong . After a long while , Kolski reappeared carrying you out . Probably not the best thing for your back , but it 's better for your health than dying . Kolski isn 't talking much about it , so that 's pretty much all I know . " " We all came rushing over , luckily the ambulance had arrived by that time , so we didn 't have to wait . I won 't go into too much detail , but let 's just say it didn 't take a doctor to tell you were pretty messed up . " Joe said , grimacing . " Oh , they 're fine . " Joe said , reassuringly . " They were pretty worried at first , but Anaria 's parents took them in and they 've settled down . All they know is that you woke up , and that you 're under stable condition . " " Oh , it 's that one stage of recovery . " Joe remarked . " The victim goes on and on about how they should have known , how they could have prevented it , how they would have done something different . Kind of pathetic really . " " No , well not you directly . " Joe began . " Now one could argue that I called you pathetic indirectly , but they would only be partially correct . " " Man , it 's kind of sad to see you hooked up to so many machines . " Joe said looking around the room . " All these wires and medical stuff . " " Oh , don 't worry about it , you have enough to worry about as is . " Joe said . " Let me take care of the finer points . " " What did I just say ? " Joe said leaning forward . " I have everything under control . Besides , I 'm not going bankrupt . Why would I do that ? " " Well , that 's my queue to leave . " Joe said getting up . " I 'll see you soon Nolafus , don 't worry about a thing . " Joe got up , beamed at the nurse as he walked by , and disappeared beyond the door . The nurse shook her head and started checking up on all of the machines . She turned a few dials , wrote some things down , and refilled a couple sacks with some liquids . Nolafus felt the lure of sleep come over him and decided to close his eyes . Before long , he was fast asleep . When Nolafus awoke , he looked around him . No one was in the room , and he noticed that he had only been asleep for a couple hours . Nolafus shrugged and laid back down . Before he had time to close his eyes again , the knot in his back erupted . Pain was being shot out in torrents and each time the knot throbbed , it grew . Nolafus nearly collapsed , he was too overcome by shock to scream . He looked around him and found a button above his bed with text above reading press for nurse 's assistance . Nolafus winced , and pressed the button . He collapse on his bed , his mouth wide open , gasping for air . Nolafus laid there unable to move . The pain shot through his entire body . A couple minutes passed , or was it a couple hours ? Nolafus couldn 't tell , each second seemed like an eternity . Finally , a nurse opened the door , took one look at Nolafus , and ran off down the hall . The pain rose to even higher levels . After a few seconds , Nolafus blacked out . The young Nolafus looked around the jail cell . Each wall was made of white , dirty bricks with some sort of fungus growing in the cracks . All except for one wall , which was made of metal bars , containing the gate which he had been shoved through . On the wall opposite of the bars , was a sink and a toilet . A couple of beds , one on top of the other , lay against the right wall . Nolafus was sitting on the lower one while the top bed lay empty . Nolafus took a deep breath of the musty air . He could hear the shouts of other juveniles down the hall . He shook his head and laid down on the bed . " Oh man , " Nolafus thought to himself . " What have I done ? " " You have visitors , follow me . " The guard instructed , fumbling with the keys on his belt . Nolafus got up and waited for the guard to unlock the gate . The bars slid open , but the guard stood in the way . " Don 't try anything stupid . " He warned , patting the baton securely fastened to his belt and stepping aside . Nolafus walked into the hallway and continued down with the guard following after . As he walked past the various cells , humans and srains alike tried to reach through the bars and pull him closer to them . Nolafus dodged and weaved along the sea of shouting voices and snaring traps until he passed the last of the cells . Nolafus found himself at a point where the hallway split off into two sections and paused . The guard turned him down the hall to the right and pushed the young srain towards the door at the far end . Nolafus , surprised by the sudden momentum , tripped and fell on the floor . Nolafus slowly got on his feet and started to make his way towards the door once again . The guard , once they reached the door , punched in a code and opened it . Nolafus was led inside and into a booth , where his parents were there to meet him on the other side of the glass . Nolafus sat down in the chair and picked up a phone that hung on the wall . His mom did the same with another phone on the other side of the glass . Nolafus ' dad took a deep breath and banged his fist against the wall . " You need to learn some respect boy ! Every time you do something stupid , we 've had to bail you out . Then you say to us how you 're going to change and leave that stupid gang of yours , but you never do . A couple months later and you 're back in here . You 're an embarrassment to our family and this time , you 're going to stay . You 're going to think about what you 've done . " " Oh , I get it . " Nolafus said leaning back in his chair . " You 're making me think that you aren 't going to bail me out to teach me a lesson , but you are . " Nolafus ' dad shouted through the phone . " You just killed another srain damn it ! Don 't you even care ! You should just be thankful they decided not to try you as an adult ! You know what ? I hope you rot in here ! When they release you when you 're eighteen , don 't think of coming back home . There won 't be a family to wait for you . You 're on your own . You aren 't my son . Guards came rushing towards Nolafus and dragged him away from the window . Nolafus tried to wriggle out from under the tangled mess of arms , but it was no use . He continued to struggle and fight until a guard grabbed his bottle of pepper spray . Nolafus screamed as the burning liquid made contact with his eyes . The guards wrestled him back into his cell and closed the gate . Nolafus threw himself down on his bed and punched the wall . Nolafus looked over at the sink and walked over to it . He turned the knob and the water came pouring out . The water fell into the srain 's cupped hands and then up to his face . Nolafus tried rubbing the pepper spray away with the water , but it was of little use . He looked up at a mirror above the sink . It had been smashed by an apparently disgruntled inmate who was sick of looking at himself . When Nolafus looked into it , he was taken aback . Through the cracks , Nolafus saw a srain , but it wasn 't him . This srain had bloodshot eyes and a mouth that seemed to form a permanent frown . The srain in the mirror , Nolafus thought , looked like a murderer . It looked like it belonged in here . Nolafus punched the mirror causing it to shatter into a million pieces . Nolafus screamed as shards were sent into his hand . He took a couple steps back and tripped over the corner of the beds , causing him to fall back and smash his head on the concrete floor . When Nolafus awoke , he found that he wasn 't in his cell . He was still in the prison because of the guards standing by the door of this room , but he wasn 't sure where . A human wheeled his way over to the bed Nolafus laid in . This human was wearing a white lab coat and a surgical face mask , but removed the mask when he neared the bed . " Look who finally woke up . " The doctor said , smiling . " Well , when the guards found you , you were out cold on the floor of your cell in a pool of blood . " The doctor said , reaching a hand forward . " Hold up , don 't pick at that bandage there . " " Smart . " The doctor said wheeling over to a counter and picking up a container full of pills . " You will be given two of these pills three times a day , two at breakfast , lunch , and dinner . " " Well , " The doctor said placing the pills back on the counter . " We 've had problems before with inmates , umm … misusing them in the past , so we hand them out now . If you 'll excuse me , I have to treat somebody that decided to pick a fight with the wrong karate master . " The doctor stood up and walked over to a human that had casts on both his arms and on one of his legs . Nolafus laid his head down and tried to fall asleep . Despite being here at the prison several times before , he had never been in the infirmary before . He always had his parents bail him out before anything happened . Nolafus sat up at the thought of his parents . " They can 't just leave me here , I 'm their son for crying out loud . " He thought to himself . The young srain felt anger rising throughout his body , " They can 't do this to me , they don 't understand . They never understand . " Something inside Nolafus ' head snapped and waved of pain cascaded down from his head over his entire body . He screamed out in pain and fell back onto the bed . The doctor came rushing over and grabbed a couple of pills . Nolafus grabbed the pills and downed them in a heartbeat . He laid there cradling his head in his arms for what seemed like an eternity before the pain started to subside . The srain lifted his head and called over the doctor . " You 're going to be suffering from some pretty bad migraines for a while , but that one seemed really bad . " The doctor said . " Did you get emotionally worked up or something ? " " Well then , looks like we have some anger issues to work out . " The doctor said walking over to the counter and picking up a slip of paper . " Do you want to see someone about that ? " Nolafus was back in his cell . The young srain laid on his bed , staring up into space . There was a bandage on his hand , but it had stopped hurting a while ago . His head was still wrapped , but the headaches were starting to dissipate . The doctor said that he was healing remarkably fast , even for a srain . In fact , Nolafus was expected to make a full recovery without as much as a headache to bother him . There was a tapping on the bars attached to his cell . Nolafus got up and turned down the hall . The hands reached through the bars and tried to ensnare Nolafus with their grip . One managed to grab a hold of Nolafus ' jumpsuit , but the guard swiftly whacked the hand with his baton . A loud crack bounced through the hall followed by a scream of pain as the prisoner reeled his broken hand back through the bars . The guard led him into the visitors ' room once again . He sat down at the booth and stared through the glass to see Anaria on the other side . Nolafus sighed and looked down . He could feel the guilt inside of him rise each time Anaria asked the question . " I don 't know . " " That doesn 't answer my question . " Anaria said , tears visibly coming into her eyes . " I don 't know ! " Nolafus shouted , his emotions came pouring out , like a dam that held too much water . " I don 't know ! I never meant to do it ! It just happened , I never meant to do it ! I don 't know why I did it , I just did ! I don 't know ! I don 't know ! " Nolafus plopped his head in his arms on the table in front of him , sobbing . " Nolafus , " Anaria cried through the phone , " I don 't know what possessed you to think all your problem would simply disappear if you shot someone . I don 't know what made you pull that trigger , but there is one thing I do know . And the one thing I do know is that still love you . As crazy as that sounds , it 's true . I tried to hate you , but I can 't . We 'll get through this together . Once you get out , we 'll go away . I don 't know where , but we will . Nolafus , I still love you . " Nolafus ' eyes flew open . He shot up and looked at his surroundings . The familiar hum of the various machines and the beep … beep … beep … of the heart - rate monitor filled his head . He gaze locked on the table and the stack of unread cards on top of it . Nolafus took a deep breath and let out a big sigh . Nolafus laid back down on the bed and glanced out of the window . A bird had landed on the window sill and was looking back and forth towards some activity not visible from this angle . The bird flew off to explore the outside world leaving Nolafus behind . Some sunlight had managed to sneak in through the panes and splashed itself onto the floor . Nolafus raised his hand into the beams , feeling the warmth . " Surgery ! " Nolafus exclaimed , dropping his hand and facing the doctor , " You mean I already went through surgery ! I dozed off for a couple minutes and I go through surgery ! " The doctor extended a hand out towards Nolafus . " Calm down , the surgery was a success and there 's nothing to be afraid of . Don 't you remember anything right before you blacked out ? " " If you 're feeling up to it , I don 't see why not . " The doctor responded standing up . " Now if you 'll excuse me , I have some other patients to check up on . " The doctor jotted a few things down on his clipboard and left . Nolafus was all alone in the room once again . He let his thoughts travel to the outside world and what might lay beyond . The srain tried to position himself so that he could see out the window a little better , but it was to no avail . Nolafus shook his head and laid back on the bed . He was sick of the room and everything in it . He wasn 't meant to be cooped up like this . Nolafus wanted to go outside and smell the fresh air , feel the warm sunlight on his entire body , not just on his hand through the window . He leaned over and picked up a couple cards from the table . Nolafus skimmed through the notes and pictures , most of them were just drawings done by some kids who wanted to write a letter to the latest super hero , and flung them back onto the table with the others . Before long , the srain had fallen asleep , only to be awoken by the sound of a closing door . " Joe ? " Nolafus asked , " What are you doing here ? " Joe quickly stood up and walked out the door without a word . Nolafus laid there puzzled for a couple minutes . Joe finally came back through the door , grinning , and with a wheelchair . Nolafus rolled his eyes and chuckled , " Sure , whatever floats your boat . Now bring that thing over to me so I can get in . The faster I can get out of this room , the better . " Joe pushed the wheelchair over next to the bed . Nolafus pushed the covers off of him and tried sliding into the chair . The srain reached out an arm to steady to wheelchair , when he applied a little too much pressure , causing it to shoot away from the bed and into a wall . Nolafus pushed the wheelchair through the doorway and into the hall . " I 'm not exactly sure where to go . " Nolafus said , looking down the hall on each side . Nolafus and Joe came into the main lobby of the hospital . Doctors and nurses were running around everywhere taking care of patients and helping people just coming inside . " Wait , am I even allowed to be out here ? " Nolafus asked , looking around him . " I don 't know if I want to go outside in the hospital gown . That 's a little embarrassing , don 't you think ? " Nolafus commented , looking down at what he was wearing . " Oh , we 're not going outside that way . " Joe said , pushing Nolafus across the lobby . " The hospital has their own garden , flower , thing that they have for patients . " Joe stopped outside a glass door . Nolafus could see rows and rows of flowers on the other side with the sun casting its warmth across the garden . There were a few other patients already exploring around the space , some with various people Nolafus could only assume were visiting friends and family while others were all by themselves . Nolafus reached for the door handle when Joe yanked back the wheelchair . " Oh , family will always be there , " Joe started , " You want to know who won 't always be there ? Chief Baker , and look who 's standing right over there . You should talk to him , he probably has something really nice to say to you . " " I 've been thinking of hiring someone to help me with my paperwork recently , and word got out . " The chief began . " When Joe and Kolski found out , they kept pestering me to offer a certain someone who had just gone through surgery the job . Eventually they got entire firehouse got involved with it , and now I 'm here . " " Don 't thank me , thank those two lunatics . " Chief Baker scoffed as he pointed to Joe and Kolski across the room who were now shooting a thumbs up over at Nolafus . " Now if you excuse me , I have some work I have to do today . " Nolafus nodded and went back to where his kids were . The srain still felt trapped in the small room , but he felt better now that he could see visitors . The next few months went passed and Nolafus finally checked himself out of the hospital . Joe continued pushing Nolafus down the concrete path away from the hospital . Despite the sun being high in the sky , a wind sent a shiver up Nolafus ' spine . He pulled his clothes tighter around him , hoping to block out the cold . The temperature had been dropping for a couple months , not that Nolafus would have noticed . He was too busy in the hospital to go outside much . Which made this moment all the sweeter . Nolafus took a big gulp of air and smiled . It felt good to finally be out . No more doctors pestering you with questions , or lying in the same room day after day . A few news reporters stopped by his room a couple months ago to do some sort of follow - up story , but there were none today . Not that Nolafus minded , he was never really one for the spotlight . The two reached the compact car and Joe swung open the passenger door for Nolafus . Nolafus hoisted himself into the seat while Joe compacted the wheelchair down and put it in the trunk . Joe hopped in the driver 's seat , started the car , and before long , was driving through the crowded streets of downtown . Nolafus shifted quietly in his seat . The car continued down the road , turning off into Nolafus ' neighborhood . Nolafus eyes widened as they neared his house . Outside waiting for him was Kolski , Badron , and Kren , all standing in front of a new , wooden ramp that looked a little out of place in front of the old house . Joe quickly hopped out and fetched Nolafus ' wheelchair out of the trunk . Once he got situated , Nolafus wheeled forward and greeted everyone . " Okay , hold on a second , " Nolafus said , turning towards Joe . " How much are you spending on me ? First there was the surgery , then there was the hospital bill , and now the lumber ? How much debt am I putting you in ? " Joe laughed , " Okay , okay . I guess I do owe you an explanation , don 't I ? Well , my wife is a lawyer , and she recently got a string of high profile cases , so we had a lot of money lying around . I managed to convince her to let us pay for your expenses , which was not easy considering she argues for a living by the way , and that 's that . We 're not broke , so you can take that off your mind . " " I don 't like talking about our financial situation , " Joe responded . " But this isn 't about me . This is about you finally being home . " Nolafus smiled and turned back towards the house . The ramp was sturdy , and held firm when Nolafus wheeled up it and to the door . Right as Nolafus opened the door , Kolski stuck his hand out , preventing Nolafus ' entry . Nolafus entered the house and did what he was told . When he entered the kitchen , Nolafus looked around for a minute . Nothing seemed too out of place . It took Nolafus a second , but he realized what was changed . A couple hours later , and the newly renovated kitchen was alive . Joe stood over the stovetops , heating up a pot full of water , while Kolski chopped up some carrots for a salad . Nolafus , given strict instructions to stay out of the kitchen , was in the living room , playing with his kids . The father was about to assist Kren 's rampage through the town that had just been built in the middle of the living room , when a knock came at the front door . Nolafus wheeled his way over and opened the door . Nolafus wheeled himself out onto the porch and closed the door behind him . He swallowed and adjusted his seating . The father felt his palms start to sweat as Susan finished tidying up her hair . The camera man handed her a microphone and hoisted the camera up to his shoulder again . Susan cleared her throat and nodded at the camera , to which the guy responded by pressing a button and a red light flickered on . " Hello , I 'm Susan Boyle , and I 'm standing here with a local hero . You heard from channel four news first about a fire that completely engulfed a suburban home that left a poor , young girl stranded on the second floor . You also heard about a brave soul that took on those flames and saved the little girl from harm , but wasn 't so lucky himself . After six , long months , the brave firefighter is finally home , out of the hospital , and ready for his first interview . Mr . Simolsen , everyone wants to know , what was going through your head ? " Nolafus swallowed , " I , uhh … my partner and I were told that there was a girl inside the house , on the second floor . When we rushed up to the door and opened it , the wave of heat made up stagger . It probably wasn 't the smartest idea to head inside , but we decided to risk it anyway . We found the little girl pretty quickly , huddled in a corner of a room . When I ran over and picked her up , I could feel the ground underneath me start to move . Looking back , I probably should have ran , but I threw the girl instead to my partner just as I was falling . That 's pretty much all I can remember . " " I had broken my back and received a concussion . The concussion is all fine now , but I remain paralyzed from the waist down . " Nolafus said , gesturing to his wheelchair . Nolafus looked around him for a second . " Are you serious ? Of course it was worth it . Would I have rather sustained no injuries ? Of course I would have , but better me than the girl . " " Such a passionate answer , " Susan commented . " And there we have it , answers from the hero himself . Just remember you saw it first on Channel Four News . " The camera man flicked a switch and the red light turned off . He gave a nod and lowered the camera from his shoulders and opened up a bag . Susan smiled at Nolafus . " We should have it all ready by eleven o ' clock ! I just know the viewers are going to love you . It 's always nice to have good stories about srains . " Susan shook her head , " Oh , don 't act like you 're surprised . With how much gang activity we have going on , it 's no wonder people don 't like you . But I just know that our viewers are going to change their mind about you ! You 're one of the few good ones around here . " Nolafus watched as the two packed everything into their van and took off down the dusty street . The father let out a deep sigh and went back into the house . Warm smells greeted him as Kolski and Joe set the table . Kolski looked up after setting down a bowl of salad . " Who was at the door ? " Nolafus shook his head . " Oh , just some reporters wanting an interview . You know , you think you make so much progress , only to have one person come by and prove that you haven 't done squat . " Nolafus nodded and wheeled himself over to the table . Badron and Kren were both already sitting down , looking at the feast before them . All across the table lay plates and bowls of mashed potatoes , fruit salad , steak , and an assortment of vegetables . Badron quietly pushed a bowl of green beans away from his side of the table as Joe passed out plates to everyone . " So , what happened while I was away ? " Nolafus asked once everyone had settled down and began eating . " Okay , that 's enough , " Badron interrupted . " It was weird living with Grandma and Grandpa . Since they lived outside our school 's county , we had a special arrangement with the school so that we wouldn 't fall behind . " " Since Grandpa used to be a teacher , the school just sent him everything we needed . It took a while for Grandma to convince the school , and Grandpa , to do it , but they eventually agreed . " Badron responded . The dinner continued on , even as the sunlight drifting through the windows faded to black . Everyone was exchanging various stories from the past few months , and even a few ones they have all heard hundreds of times before . The food on the table slowly dwindled down as the group filled their plates with seconds and thirds . Nolafus had to force Badron and Kren to eat the green beans , to which the two protested , but that was soon behind them . Once the food was gone , and the conversation died down , Joe stood up and began clearing the table . Nolafus picked up an empty bowl , but Kolski promptly took it from his hands . " C ' mon , there has to be one thing I can do . " Nolafus argued . " If you 're going to put up this much of a fight , then can you take out the trash ? " Joe asked , waving his hand in front of his nose . " It 's full and really starting to stink . " Nolafus wheeled over to the trash can and plucked out the bag . He threw it over his shoulder , which nearly made him fall backwards . After some adjustment , Nolafus wheeled over to the door and opened it . After wheeling through and closing the door behind him , Nolafus looked up . The stars spilled across the sky , filling the black canvas with white lights . I wonder which star my grand - parents called their sun , Nolafus thought . Nolafus continued looking up at the sky as he wheeled down the ramp . He could only imagine the journey his grandparents must have traveled to even get here . And what they saw here that made them want to stay . Nolafus ' thoughts were interrupted when he reached the trash cans . He lifted up the lid , plopped in the bag , and turned around . Nolafus froze . He focused on the shadow that shrouded the side of the house in darkness . He could have sworn something moved . He wheeled farther down the sidewalk in an attempt to see better , squinting his eyes as well . A cat burst forth from the shadows and ran down the street . Nolafus chuckled at the event and at how easily he was scared . He turned around and wheeled himself up the ramp . When Nolafus was about halfway up , an unseen force grabbed the back of his wheelchair and threw him down the ramp . Nolafus skidded and crashed onto the sidewalk , sending his wheelchair flying out of reach . A figure emerged from under the ramp and slowly walked over to the father . Nolafus looked at his attacker , hoping to identify the assaulter . A scaled muzzle protruded from the hood of the culprit 's jacket , and a tail swished behind his legs . Nolafus opened his mouth to yell out for help , when the attacking srain pulled out his hand from the hoodie 's pocket , revealing a pistol . He was right . Nolafus thought about what would happen if he did manage to reach it . What would he do ? All he could do was lay there on the sidewalk . The hooded srain laughed . " Oh , you don 't know me , but I know you , Nolafus Simolson , the tragic hero . Did you enjoy the attention from the news ? They made you look like a hero . But I know , and you know , that 's not true . In fact , some might even call you a murderer . " " Oh , you do remember ? I wasn 't sure after I saw you on the news . You seemed like you were so happy with yourself for saving that little girl , but we both know that you don 't save everyone . " " After you shot him ! Damn you ! No , I 'm not Juster , I 'm his father . The father that received the worst phone call any parent could receive , and then watched as his son 's murderer got off with little more than a slap on the wrist . You should have rotted in jail for the rest of your life ! " Juster 's father smiled . " Oh , that 's an easy question to answer . At first , I was just going to kill you , but when I saw the city lift you up on a pedestal like you were some sort of hero , I couldn 't let you off that easy . No , you needed to find out what true suffering felt like . You want to know what I 'm going to do ? I 'm going to leave you here , helpless as I go inside your house and make you go through the exact pain I did when I lost my son . Except , you 're going to feel the pain of losing two sons . And just so you don 't get any ideas … " The hooded srain pulled out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket , and smiled . He took a step towards Nolafus , when something struck the srain . Kolski stood where Juster 's father had a second before , as the hooded srain went tumbling into the street . Juster 's father lifted himself to all fours and looked up . A pair of headlights came thundering down the street , right at him . Juster 's father screamed and put his arms in front of his face . Nolafus lunged forward , took a hold of the attacker 's tail , and yanked as hard as he could . The car went screaming by , narrowly missing Juster 's father 's head , and continued down the street . Nolafus took a sigh of relief . Juster 's father slowly put his arms down and looked around . Nolafus sighed , " Look , I know this probably doesn 't mean anything , but I 'm sorry . I don 't know what it feels like to lose one of your own children , and I hope I never do . One feeling I do know is the feeling of being haunted . I 'm haunted by that day I killed your son . For years , I would wake up every night , panting and crying over what I had did . Even today , I still have to relive that day in my dreams at least once a week . There isn 't a day that goes by that I think about what I did . Every day , I wish I could take it all back so much that it aches . Do you want to know why I became a firefighter ? I became one because I thought that if I saved as many people as I possibly could , the pain would go away . It didn 't . I didn 't ask for the news coverage , it just happened . Do I feel like a hero ? No , I don 't , and I never will . Once again , I can 't imagine what you must have gone through , but just know that I 'm sorry with every fiber of my being . It doesn 't do anything , but I 'm sorry , and that 's all I can really say . " " And there 's no way you 're leaving , so just stay on the ground . " Kolski added as he walked over and grabbed Nolafus ' wheelchair . Juster 's father sighed and rolled over onto his stomach . Kolski helped Nolafus back into his wheelchair . Once Nolafus was settled , the father turned around to see Badron standing at the base of the ramp . Nolafus wheeled over and wrapped Badron in a huge embrace . " Yeah , that 's why , " Nolafus answered . Badron took a step back , and the two of them went inside the house . Nolafus didn 't want to see the police come . He never really liked them . All he wanted to do was head inside and spend time with his kids . He never wanted to waste another moment . Now that it 's all over , I 'm very much relieved . As many of you know , this was my very first writing project that I took seriously . Looking back , I probably should have started off with a short story , but oh well . I know I have a lot to learn , but I 'm proud of myself for finishing an idea . I 've ditched two other chaptered story ideas , so it feels good to have one that 's completed . Not to mention I can finally start working on other ideas I have ! Is this my strongest work ? Not even close , you should go check out some of my short stories for that , but that 's not the point . I learned a lot writing this out , like how keeping to a theme is nearly impossible . Alien Poverty got really off track of what I originally planned it to be . In case you were wondering how far off track it got , Nolafus was never supposed to go to the hospital , he was supposed to go to jail instead . So , with that in mind , I really didn 't have a plan for this past chapter seven . In fact , the reason this is so short is that I just wanted to end it before it got even more off track . So , I tried my best to do with what I had created . |
Alien Poverty If you read my new person thread then you probably heard about a book idea I was coming up with . I worked on it and managed to make some progress . So I present my non - Pokemon related story entitled Alien Poverty : The floorboards creaked as a figure moved through the old house , avoiding the squeaky floorboards one at a time . A dark green , reptilian creature standing on two legs stopped in front of a mirror by the front door . He reached for a hat , which then found its place on his smooth , scaly head . With a swing of the door and one last inspection of the gray t - shirt and cargo shorts he was wearing , the creature found himself outside . He carefully closed the door to avoid jamming his tail , and walked down the driveway . He turned in the direction of the tall skyscrapers that signaled downtown , and walked down the street past houses that looked not much newer than his own and just as tired . The creature was passing a house that looked like it hadn 't received a coat of paint in decades , when he heard a shout . " Hey Nolafus ! " A lighter green creature that looked quite a bit younger came out of the door right beside Nolafus . " Hey Kolski , anything exciting happen this morning ? " Nolafus asked continuing his pace down the dusty road . Kolski rolled his eyes . " I slept through my alarm again . I even have that thing close to full blast . " " You better not sleep in , you might get fired . " Nolafus said shaking his head . " Well that 's why you 're here , to wake me up when that does happen . " Kolski said and they both laughed as they continued to walk . " So anything new with you ? " " It 's the fifth year anniversary isn 't it ? " Kolski said quickly dropping the humorous tone in his voice . Nolafus sighed and said , " I miss her sometimes and it 's been hard for the kids , but we 're doing alright now . I know my kids aren 't the only kids to lose one of their parents and I 'm not the only husband to lose his wife , but sometimes I look back and wonder how we made it this far without her . " Nolafus responded pointing to a sign at the front of the bus . " We can 't , remember ? " " I hate that ru - " Kolski started to say , but was interrupted by a shove from a middle aged human . " Move " She blurted out as she made her way to one of the empty seats , followed closely by a middle aged man who took the other seat . " That was awfully rude of her . " Kolski whispered to Nolafus . " Maybe I should talk to her about the meaning of manners . " " Don 't start , " Nolafus said putting a hand on Kolski 's shoulder , " You know the humans don 't treat us the same . It 's something we just have to live with . " Kolski sighed and nodded his head . Thirty minutes passed until their stop came . Nolafus and Kolski stepped off the bus and into downtown surrounded by skyscrapers as far as the eye could see . The fire station was just a block down the road and they soon stepped inside . " Hey Nolafus and Kolski ! " A human shouted from across the room , waving with a smile , " You took long enough to get here , bus running late this morning ? " " Yeah Joe , it was . " Nolafus said with a nervous sigh . " I don 't care , you show up to work on time . I don 't pay you to be late . " The chief shot back and signaled for them to get out of his office . " I 'm just afraid that we 're going to get fired . It 's hard these days to find a job , especially for Srains like us . " Nolafus said gesturing to Kolski and himself . Kolski opened his mouth to say something , but a loud alarm started blaring all throughout the station . " Here we go ! " Joe shouted above the noise reading an address scrolling across a screen , " 1153 West Waterstone Road ! I call driving there ! " All the firefighters came rushing out of various rooms and down the pole to the fire truck . A couple minutes later , the truck was speeding down the road with Joe at the wheel . Five minutes later and the truck was pulling up to a one story house engulfed in flames . Everyone immediately sprang into action , from hooking up the truck to a fire hydrant to controlling the crowd that had already begun to appear . Nolafus immediately took off toward the house . He knew he needed clearance in order to go in there , but he didn 't care . There was a life that needed help , and Nolafus wasn 't about to let someone die because the house might be unsafe . Joe noticed Nolafus heading towards the house , and followed him inside . The living room was engulfed in flames , fire harmlessly lapped at the pair 's fireproof jackets . Joe and Nolafus checked room after room with no luck finding the baby . Finally , at the end of the hall they found the nursery with the baby crying in its crib . Nolafus reached down and scooped up the baby in his arms . The hall was now engulfed in flames with no way to walk through . Nolafus quickly took off his fireproof jacket and covered the baby . He took a couple steps back , and leaped through the flames to the other side his scales preventing any damage that was too serious . Joe followed suit and they both bolted through the front door with the baby , still crying , safe and sound . The mother immediately broke from the crowd and came racing over to Nolafus and Joe . She snatched the baby from Nolafus with a wrinkle in her nose and showered Joe with thank you 's and praise . Joe put his hands up and kept telling the woman that it was Nolafus that saved her baby , and she finally muttered out a small " thank you " in Nolafus ' direction and rushed back towards the crowd . " I guess so . " Nolafus muttered and started walking back towards the truck . An empty feeling took root in his stomach . He felt sick , sick of everything . He just wanted to get away . " Just what ! " Nolafus exclaimed whipping around to face Joe . His voice shook as he continued . Without realizing it , his tail lashed against the ground . " Just ashamed to admit that a Srain helped her ! When will you humans get it ? We have feeling just like you ! We 're not just meatbags , we 're not too tough to sit down on the bus , we 're not inferior , and we 're not aliens anymore ! We live on this Earth just like you and we were born on this Earth just like you ! Why don 't you humans get it ? " Nolafus let out a long , exasperated sigh . " I know you do , I just get , frustrated sometimes about all this . I 'm sorry , I didn 't mean to yell at you . " Nolafus turned a knob and let the hot water run down his scales and wash away his worries . He enjoyed this time after a fire . He could finally slow down and think without anyone coming to interrupt his thoughts . Nolafus reached for the soap and tried to wash off all the ash and debris . After a while , Nolafus never kept track of the time in the shower , he stepped out and grabbed a towel . Nolafus could still scent the lingering smell of smoke on him , it never really went away . Some people couldn 't stand it , but Nolafus wore it as a badge of honor . The smell was a mark that identified him as a life saver , someone who put others ' lives before his own . Nolafus got dressed and walked into the main living space of the fire station . He and Joe sat down at a table and Joe shuffled a deck of cards and dealt Nolafus a hand . A couple minutes later , the chief came into the room . " What you did today was reckless and stupid . I can 't believe you would even think about doing anything like that . " Chief Baker shot at Nolafus and Joe . " This isn 't a joke Joe ! " Chief Baker was at a full shout now , " I 'm in charge of all your lives here and if one of you guys die because of a stupid mistake I get the blame for it ! Each one of you is a valuable part of this team here , and I don 't want to go to another firefighter 's funeral again . " Chief Baker stopped talking abruptly as if he had revealed some secret he was trying to bottle up . " I didn 't know you felt that way chief . " Joe remarked . Kolski and Joe turned around to look through the window . A large group of people and srains were marching up and down the street carrying sign and posters . The signs were painted with various sayings such as " Equal rights for all " and " Srains need liberty " . The three of them walked back to the table and continued playing cards . The next two hours passed by and the crowd still hadn 't dispersed . Nolafus sighed and got up out of his chair . Nolafus and Kolski got up and said goodbye to Joe . They collected their things from their lockers , and walked outside . The scene was chaotic . People were roaming around shouting and hollering as far as the eye could see . Nolafus and Kolski braced themselves and headed out into the crowd . They were about halfway out of the crowd when Nolafus felt a hand on his shoulder . " Come on , your wife will take care of your kids . Stay and fight for your rights ! " The human said trying to whip everyone around him into an even bigger frenzy . The human just stood there as Nolafus and Kolski butted people aside to get through . In a few more blocks they would be out of the crowd and heading home at a steady pace . Two hours later Nolafus said goodnight to Kolski and they both headed inside . Nolafus closed the door behind him and let out a big sigh . The sounds of little footsteps came around the corner and two srains , one about half Nolafus ' height and the other one a little taller , ran to greet him . Nolafus knelt down to the little srain 's height and said , " Hey Kren , I missed you too ! We 'll talk about everything at dinner . " The taller srain stopped a couple feet in front of Nolafus and said , " So anything exciting happen at work today ? " Nolafus stood up and headed for the kitchen as the kids ran off . Thirty minutes later and Nolafus had called the kids to dinner . " So what happened at work today dad ? " Badron asked stirring around his peas . " Well let 's see , " Nolafus started . " There was a fire and Joe and I saved a baby . " " Really ? " Kren asked his eyes widening , " You actually saved a real baby all by yourself ? " " I would ! " Kren started excitement building in his voice , " You save lives and run into fire all day . When I grow up I want to be exactly like you . " Nolafus paused for a second and looked at Kren . " Wow , " he thought to himself . " I 'm gone all day and Kren still want to be like me . " The dinner went on with various conversations from firefighting to school . Once dinner was done Nolafus washed the dishes and played with the kids until bedtime . After a little fuss , Badron and Kren were soon sound asleep and Nolafus was crawling into bed himself . Nolafus turned a picture of a slightly lighter green srain toward him . " Oh Anaria , " Nolafus said to himself . " If only you could see the kids now . They 're growing up so fast and I don 't want to miss a second . Kren looks exactly like you and Badron has your eyes . I just wish there was some way I could be with them more . " Nolafus stared at the picture a minute longer then rolled over and went to sleep . He just had to make it through tomorrow then it was Friday . Nolafus was determined to spend the entire day with Badron and Kren , and make sure it was a day they would never forget . Chapter 3 Nolafus stepped out of the door and smelled the morning air . Rain had fallen over the night and the air felt damp and heavy . Nolafus walked down the sidewalk and paused a few houses down . He looked at all the homes and everything was still . The whole neighborhood looked like it was asleep . Nolafus rolled his eyes and walked up the path to Kolski 's front door . He knocked on the front door with no response from within . He reached down and felt for a key under the door mat . Nolafus found a key , inserted it into the lock and made his way inside . " Hey Kolski ! " Nolafus shouted into the dark hall . Nolafus heard a rustle , a few curse words , and an even louder rustle from behind a closed door . A few seconds later , Kolski emerged . They walked out of the house and jogged their way to the bus stop to make up for lost time . They reached the bus stop just in time to board . The bus was unusually crowded and Nolafus and Kolski had to nudge their way to an opening . Nolafus grabbed hold of a bar and all of a sudden something changed . The world started spinning and going dark . Nolafus felt a hand on his shoulder guide him to a seat and he sat down in a heap . Nolafus shook his head and everything went back to normal . The bus was traveling along the street and the sun was shining . An old man stared at Nolafus and said , " Are you alright ? " " Yeah , I think so . " Nolafus responded rubbing his head , " I don 't know what happened . Everything just started spinning . I guess I can 't run like I used to . " " Hey , that 's not how you treat your best friend now is it ? " Jacob said with a false sense of hurt in his voice . " I can 't even believe you would talk to me like that . " " Not to you I won 't , so don 't ask over and over again . My kids are more grown up than you especially when you do that . " Nolafus responded turning back around . " Listen pal , " Jacob started . " I didn 't show up to work today to be disrespected by some lizard . You need to start showing some respect for your superiors . " Kolski came back over and the three of them looked over the chore list posted up on the wall . Kolski sighed , picked up a broom leaning against the wall and headed for the garage dragging the broom behind him . Joe walked over to a drawer , got out a spray bottle and a cloth , and proceeded to spray the windows . Nolafus walked over to the kitchen and started gathering various items . " It 's so good though ! It 's a firehouse favorite . " Joe said as another firefighter came to check the chore list . " Hey Anthony ! " " Nolafus , there 's a call for you on line two . " Chief Baker said gesturing towards the phone on the wall . Nolafus looked at Joe who was sitting on a couch . Joe threw his arms up in the air and started doing the dishes as Nolafus answered the phone . A couple minutes later , Nolafus hung up the phone . Nolafus went into Chief Baker 's office and a couple minutes later , was walking down the street towards the bus stop . Nolafus boarded the bus and was down at the school a half - hour later . Nolafus walked right into the building and up to the office . A secretary led him into the principal 's office where the principal and Badron were there to meet him . Badron paused for a moment and continued . " No , the kid apologized right away and even offered to buy me something out of the vending machines to make up for it , but at that moment a big kid stopped walking by and said that no human should ever apologize to a srain . The bigger kid scared the other one away and continued harass me . Eventually things got heated and he tried to punch me , but I dodged it and punched him in the face in self - defense . He went crying to a teacher after that and now we 're here . " " School policy states that Badron must be suspended for at least one week . Since this is Badron 's first issue and no one was seriously hurt I think the one week suspension will be fine . " The principal said . Nolafus got up and left the school with Badron following close behind . Eventually the two of them arrived at the fire station and Nolafus led the way inside . The room was completely empty . No one could be heard or seen . Nolafus entertained Badron for a couple hours before the rest of the fire crew came back . Everyone filtered into the living space and the showers . " So what did I miss ? " Nolafus asked Joe as he came into the living space . " Nothing major , just someone 's shed caught fire when their kid decided it would be a good idea to practice his pyrotechnic skills in there . The shed was a total loss , but we did manage to prevent the flames from reaching the house . So how 's Badron doing ? " " What the hell is wrong with you ? " Nolafus shouted as Jacob took a step back . " Calling me lizard in front of my own kid ! I should knock some manners back into you ! Didn 't your mom teach you anything ? " " Looks like I touched a nerve there . " Jacob said smiling , " I didn 't know you could get riled up like this Nolafus . I like it . " " Don 't you take anything seriously ? I should smack that smile off your face right now ! I put up with you in the past , but this was a new low even for you ! " Nolafus shouted back taking a step towards Jacob . " Lizards don 't scare me . " Jacob said taking a step towards Nolafus . " It 's not like you 're going to do anything about it anyway . " Nolafus grabbed Jacob and threw him down the hall . Jacob slid across the floor until he collided with a wall . Jacob sat up and smiled at Nolafus . Nolafus took a step towards Jacob and Jacob flinched . Nolafus paused , took a deep breath , and walked back out into the living area leaving Jacob sitting against the wall . " Sure I do , but he called you a lizard . Did he call you that because you kind of look like one ? " Badron asked looking over at Nolafus . " It 's true I do look like a lizard in some ways , but that isn 't what he meant . You see , lizard is a slang term for srains . Lizards are stupid creatures who rely on instinct to survive . They are incapable of learning anything significant and are surpassed in every way by humans . That 's what he meant by calling me lizard . That I was stupid and below him . " Nolafus said pulling Badron closer to him . " I hope you never have to see that again . " " That 's not very fair . If I were you I would 've beat him up for saying something like that to me . " Badron said imitating a punch with his right arm . " Don 't talk like that . " Nolafus said glaring at Badron . " You know that violence is never the answer . Look where it got you now . You 're going to be a week behind in school and now you get to wake up early and come to work with me . " " No one cares if there aren 't many people on . " Nolafus responded patting a seat next to him . " You 're not going to stand the entire time , are you ? Badron took a seat next to Nolafus and stared out the window . The scenery changed from buildings and people , to plains and fields as the bus headed out of the city . A while had passed before Nolafus tried to make a conversation . " Yes , she loved flowers . " Nolafus said reaching over to pick up Kren , who had found his way over to one of the other passengers . " Sorry about that . " " I also remember talking with her a lot . " Badron said shifting his gaze back towards the window . " We would talk about whatever I wanted to talk about . It didn 't matter how upset or sad I was , she would just hug me and say that no matter what , she was there and that she loved me . " Nolafus sat there and remained quiet . The bus continued along the highway and eventually came across a small town . When the bus stopped , Nolafus lead the way off and started walking down the main street toward a group of houses . Nolafus approached one of the houses and knocked . A light green srain came to answer the door . " Hi mom . " Nolafus said taking his mother - in - law in a big embrace . " It 's been a while since we 've been down for a visit . " " Oh , nothing has really changed . " Nolafus responded , " Still the same old thing . I would ask you the same thing , but nothing here ever really changes does it ? " Marta glanced down the hallway to make sure it was empty . " They 're a part of that srainian right 's group who think it 's their duty to make sure we are happy . I think they 're just trying to break down that social barrier . " " Oh , I 'm fine with them . " Marta said , taking another look down the hall and still speaking in a hushed tone . " It 's Jerran that has the problem with it . " " Unfortunately , yes , " Marta said . " But , can you blame him ? After all they have done to us , it 's a miracle a civil war hasn 't broken out . Plus , he 's not the most forgiving person in the world , you should have seen what he did when he found out about the neigh - " Marta was cut short by the sound of the door at the end of the hall opening . A few seconds later , Jerran popped into the room and took a seat by Marta . " So what did I miss ? " Jerran grunted out as he sat down . Jerran shook the hand off of his shoulder and sat up . " Oh , you mean those humans that just moved in ? No one wants them around , I 'll give them a month before they move out . " Jerran mumbled something under his breath and slumped back into the sofa . No one talked and the room fell dead silent . Marta looked around at everyone for a while before speaking . " So Nolafus , " She blurted out . " How 's that one friend of yours , the one that lives right next to you . His name was Kosbi , I think . " " It was because the humans didn 't have a choice . " Nolafus responded sitting up and looking Jerran in the eyes . " Kolski 's parents were part of the group called The Protectors , remember ? It was either they defended themselves or die , " Jerran stood up and shouted at Nolafus . " Shut up ! You don 't get to defend them ! Remember what they did to us , this family , you , Anaria ? How dare you try to justify their actions ! " " I will never forget what they did to us . " Nolafus shouted back , standing up as well . " The important thing is that we move on and forgive . Otherwise , we 'll never learn to get along . " " Don 't you preach at me boy ! " Jerran responded a fire igniting inside his eyes . " If it weren 't for you , moving to that awful city of yours , Anaria would still be alive ! " Marta extended her arm to try to stop Nolafus , but pulled it back immediately and bowed her head . Nolafus came back into the living room with Badron and Kren . Jerran turned his head away , but Marta followed them to the front door . " Do we really have a choice ? " Nolafus asked turning around . " Look , we 'll see you next year where maybe things won 't get as heated . " " Thanks mom , I 'm sorry things turned out like that . " Nolafus responded as he started walking towards the bus stop . Nolafus waited till he was out of earshot , " I 'm sorry about Anaria . " The bus was nearly empty on the ride back to the city . Nolafus . Badron , and Kren were all sitting in seats watching the scenery zoom past the window . " No , " Nolafus responded after a pause , getting Badron 's attention back . " It 's time I told you the story . Do you know of the group called the protectors ? " " Well they were a group of srains who banded together to protect everyone else from inequality and mistreatment . When they were in their prime , around ten years ago , everything was going smoothly and even some humans were let into the group . Just when everything finally started to look up , a human member of the group was charged with murdering a srainian member . The human was tried , and found not guilty . Instead of things settling back down , an extremist branch turned and started picking off the human members one by one . Things escalated and it almost broke out into civil war . Luckily so many members dropped out , that they were reduced to nothing but a street gang , infamous for trouble . " " I was just giving you some background knowledge , sorry , I have a tendency to make stories longer than what they should be . " Nolafus responded patting Badron on the back . " Well Anaria had gone to the store to pick up groceries , when the attack started . The Protectors had begun another street raid and begun killing humans wherever they could find them . The police were called and a huge fight broke out . Anaria had gone into an alley , I presume for shelter , when The Protectors began fighting police , many with the intent to kill . A few srains ran into the same alley as Anaria was hiding and when the police came running in after them , they found her . Wanting to avenge their fallen officers , they … they , I 'm sorry , " Nolafus said blinking back tears . Nolafus started walking down the street with Badron and Kren following close behind . The bus had dropped them off in the outskirts of downtown . It seemed that everyone had their lunch break at the same time as hundreds of people crowded the sidewalk and the streets . Nolafus ordered Badron and Kren to stay close . People were pushing and shoving eachother to get where they were going when Badron lost sight of Nolafus . Badron turned around in all directions , but couldn 't find his father . He started panicking and jumping to try to catch a glimpse ever everyone 's head . Badron had no idea what to do when a hand came shooting out of the crowd and pulled him inside a building . Nolafus was there with Kren and Badron sighed of relief . The building that Nolafus had pulled Badron into , was a flower shop . " Let 's wait here a while , " Nolafus suggested . " At least until the crowd dies down a bit . " The group spread throughout the store looking at the various bouquets on display . Nolafus picked up a particularly colorful bunch and proceeded to buy them at the register . Most of the crowd had seemed to filter back into the buildings from which they appeared . After a few minutes , Nolafus led the group outside . " So where are we going now ? " Badron asked catching up to Nolafus . Nolafus kept walking down the street and disappeared around a corner . Once Badron rounded the bend he noticed a cemetery that he had never known to exist . He saw Nolafus enter and stand near one of the tombstones . Badron waited for Kren to catch up and headed for the cemetery himself . " No , " Nolafus replied still staring at the tombstone . " We always went shopping together . It was one of those things we planned around my schedule , as something we could do together . I just happened to get called into work that day . I insisted she go . I should have been there , I could have done something . I would have saved her . " " You 're a good sport . " Nolafus said patting Badron 's head , " You 've really stepped up since mom passed . I just wished things were easier . " Badron and Kren stepped away as Nolafus took one last look at the tombstone and memories of how they met flooded back into his brain . It was a normal day in Delwood . Srains were going about their day and Nolafus was hanging out in the alley with a friend . " Hey Nolafus , " A slightly darker green srain called from across the alley . " You got anything going on today ? " " Well that sucks . " Rineon said sitting down on a nearby crate . " Hey , I 'm getting hungry , you want to go down to the store and get some food ? " Nolafus got up and started walking to the entrance to the alley . He rounded the corner where the girl had disappeared and kept walking . He kept walking and searching until he finally caught sight of her . Nolafus caught up to her and tapped her on the shoulder . Nolafus stopped walking and started heading back towards the alley . He found a new spring in his step and his heart was nearly exploding out of delight . Nolafus entered the alley where Rineon was still sitting on the crate throwing a ball against the wall and catching it . Nolafus and Rineon walked a couple blocks down to the local store and went to the snack aisle . Nolafus picked out a couple bags of chips and paid for them at the counter . Rineon followed Nolafus out the door and back to the alley where Rineon lifted his shirt to reveal three bags of chips . They all walked out of the cemetery together and towards the nearest bus stop . The bus was crowded , but Nolafus didn 't mind . There was still one thing that he had to do today . " Tonight , we are having steaks . " Nolafus replied taking the cover off of the plate . " I hope they turn out okay , I don 't really cook them a lot so I don 't know how to make them perfectly . " " Yeah , " Nolafus said recalling his last attempt . " Let 's not focus too hard on last time . I finally made good steaks and that 's what matters . " " I don 't really like talking about it . " Nolafus said leaning back in his chair . " Brings up a lot of bad memories I would rather you not know about . " Nolafus and Badron cleaned up the dishes and wiped off the table . They sat down in the living room and talked . They talked about various things , but nothing specific as Kren played with his toys . Before long they were all getting ready for bed . Badron 's question still bounced around in Nolafus ' skull about his past . Nolafus tried hard to forget about it , but the memories were constantly floating in the back of his mind , waiting for an excuse to come into the spotlight . Before long , Nolafus fell into a troubled sleep . Anyway , on to more relevant matters . Currently , I don 't think you need to worry about not getting enough information across . We definitely get that the lizard creatures are shunned by humans , that these particular ones are firefighters , and that one of them lost his wife . However , currently your exposition is a little clumsy , and it feels a bit like an info dump . You really don 't need to tell us all of this quite yet - it 's okay to leave things shady in the beginning . Also , some of the exposition comes off as a bit weird , in the " As you know , Bob " - sense , if you 've heard of that trope . Essentially , the characters are saying things to each other that they both are aware of , which is kind of strange . Especially in the case of Joe telling the two Srains that they 're fire resistant . You can safely put most of that in the narration , I think . I know this is one of those cases where the writing community keeps saying " show , don 't tell " , but telling is also okay , and what you 're actually doing right now is telling , just indirectly . So , you can leave out the part about the characters talking about being firefighters and simply say they arrive at the fire station , which will show us that they are , indeed , firefighters . You can show the thing about being fire - resistant when they actually go put out a fire , which I assume they are shortly going to do . And , instead of having one of the characters say that humans don 't treat Srains the same way , you can , for instance , tell us that the two characters see some free seats , but there 's a sign forbidding them from sitting on them , or just otherwise letting us know they can 't sit there . These are difficult things - exposition , information , what to tell and what to leave untold . I struggle with stuff like this a lot myself , mostly where I want to tell the readers more than they probably care to know . Here , I think you 're falling prey to the same issue . We don 't need to know this much yet , and we will probably find all of this out in the course of the story itself . So , you can definitely go a bit ligher on the exposition . You 're also suffering from a case of walloftextitis here , but that 's simply a matter of formatting , and could easily have occurred when copypasting your text into the posting window . Currently , your text has hardly any breathing space , and reading it becomes more difficult and tedious . Make sure to separate your paragraphs with two line changes , so that you get an empty line between them . Also , lines are usually contained in their own paragraphs . Let me give you an example : Kolski opened his mouth to say something , but a loud alarm started blaring all throughout the station . Then , matters of grammar . You make some minor comma mistakes , but otherwise the text is quite good . However , you have several odd mistakes in the first paragraph that are in need of correcting . I bolded the odd sentence here . The image I get here is very odd , because for one , the hat is an active agent in this sentence , which makes me think of the hat falling or flinging itself onto the smooth scaly head . Also , since you say " a smooth , scaly head " instead of " his smooth , scaly head " , it comes off as someone else 's head besides the reptilian creature 's . I would suggest revising this a little , maybe rewording it to something else , or at least changing the " a " to " his " to avoid strange images . On that note , this is also a perfect place to give us a bit of a description of our main character . So , he 's reptilian on two legs . Is he humanoid ? What kind of a reptile does he look like ? What color is his skin ? Does he have a tail ? What do his eyes look like ? Why does he wear a suit and a hat ? You pique our interest with a new , strange character , but then make it fairly difficult to imagine him because there 's so little to go on . However , I should note that this is a highly personal thing . I tend to prefer a bit more description than some people , so if you 're of the " leave it up to the reader " - school of writers , you don 't have to describe the character very much . It would be nice to know something , at least , though . You switch tenses here , and while I can see why you 'd do that , it doesn 't work . This should be " hadn 't " . Also , it seems a bit strange that you refer to the main character as a " creature " , because that alienates the reader slightly . But that could , again , be a personal concern , so take it with a grain of salt . Quote : " Thanks , Joe . You always seem to know just what to say . I 'm not sure if I ever thanked you for that , " Nolafus said , a smile coming across his face and his nerves settling down . 2 ) Because we know nothing about Nolafus besides that he 's a reptilian creature , having him suddenly smile is strange . I can 't imagine what a lizard smiling might look like , so the image I had of him in my head was slightly broken by this . That 'll probably be avoided if you give the reader a bit more to go by when imagining the characters . Overall , this seems like a fairly interesting start to a story , though it 's awfully short so it 's difficult to say for sure . I don 't know how long your next chapter is , but if it isn 't horribly long , you could consider merging this one with that to make it a bit more stretched out to capture our attention . Length can be a tricky thing - too long , and people don 't want to pick it up ; too short , and people will set the story down in impatience and move on . This here is just long enough to get me interested , but then it cuts out abruptly just as I start to care . But , again , this is a personal sort of thing , so someone might prefer exactly this length of chapters . Ultimately you should do what you want to do , but I 'm just letting you know what my opinion is if you want to refer to it . I 'll definitely keep reading if you keep posting . Try to pay a bit more attention to commas , which you seem to skip quite often , and spacing , which you currently lack entirely . Story - wise , I don 't have much criticism to offer . I 'll have to read further to know how this is going to work out . But , in general , the setting has me interested , I 'd like to know more about the characters and the world , and especially the origin and nature of the lizard people . Why are they there ? Especially if humans are jerks to them ? So , yes , I 'll definitely be reading more . RE : Alien Poverty I changed just about everything you mentioned and I just want to say thanks . This is the first time I 'm attempting something of this magnitude and I know I have a lot to learn . My biggest weakness I feel right now is showing and descriptions . I don 't have a lot of experience with this kind of work since the only style of writing they teach you in school is essay writing . : / I still don 't quite understand when commas are appropriate so if you could point out exactly where I need them then that would be greatly appreciated . I tried to add them when necessary , but I feel like I missed a lot of spots where they needed to be there . I added more story to the first chapter and tried to describe the main character better . I would post a picture of what the Srains are supposed to look like , but I suck at drawing . Could you understand that the first time I used Srains that I was referring to the species name of the aliens ? I tried to make it obvious with using humans in there as well and I was wondering if that worked . The story is set on Earth in modern times , maybe a little in the past like in the early 2000 's before all these fancy gadgets were invented , but there is one main difference . Aliens have been discovered and some of them have begun living on Earth and have been doing so for a couple generations . They are suffering from racism and poverty ( exactly like how " colored " people used to be treated ) and that is the main conflict of the story hence the title " Alien Poverty " . The story follows the life , for a little bit , of an alien named Nolafus . The book is just supposed to entertain the reader with the story of his life and his struggles against racism . The story ends with . . . ( I 'm not going to reveal THAT ) . RE : Alien Poverty Second chapter is up . Please give it a read and leave some great feedback ! I 'm not sure when the third chapter will be completed with my senior year in high school closing and everything that goes along with it , but I should be on often enough to make edits to this chapter in the meantime . RE : Alien Poverty Third chapter is up ! I also edited the introduction to the second chapter a little . Tell me how the story is so far and how my writing could be improved . RE : Alien Poverty Hah ! Quintuple posting , there 's no rule against that ! Only double posting ! Maybe it 's the fact that it 's currently three o ' clock in the morning where I live , but that sounded a lot funnier in my head . Anyways , the story takes a more serious turn this chapter . It took a surprisingly long time for me to write this out . Writer 's block was behind every sentence , but I finally managed to get my ideas on paper . Special thanks go to An - chan for the idea on where they should go , I feel the chapter has more depth now than it would have otherwise . I had a thought that I ended the chapter a little too early so let me know if you feel the same way . Hope you enjoy the new chapter ! " Hey Nolafus ! " Rineon called out walking towards Nolafus who was sitting on a crate . " We got a new recruit who thinks they 're ready for the big leagues . " Dregar stood up as tall as he could , " I 'm the best . No one can best me in a fight . I 've beaten much bigger guys than you . Just the other day I was ambushed by two guys from your rival gang and by the end I practically had them running . One of them was even crying . I 'm better than you 'll ever be . " Dregar took a few steps back and took a running start at Nolafus . Dregar threw his fist towards Nolafus ' head with all his might . Nolafus quickly moved out of the way and grabbed Dregar 's outstretched arm . Before Dregar had time to react Nolafus spun him around and threw him against the wall . Dregar fell down , but quickly got back up . Dregar screamed as he charged Nolafus . Nolafus grabbed Dregar 's shoulders and fell down with his foot against Dregar 's abdomen propelling Dregar into a pile of trash cans with a loud crash . Dregar stayed laying down in the pile of trash with his head down . Nolafus got back up on his feet and turned towards Dregar . " Don 't come in here talking big and making up stories about how tough you are . In here you can talk all you want , but that doesn 't mean a thing when you get into a real fight . If this were a real fight with our rivals , you 'd be dead right now . Get out of my alley . " Nolafus walked over and sat down on a crate next to the pile of dented trash cans . " Yeah , where do you keep finding these guys ? Now he 's going to go across town and join up with the Justers like all the others . Like they need an even bigger number advantage over us . We 're barely holding onto this neighborhood as it is . " " I guess you 're right . " Rineon remarked leaning forward . " Who runs that gang again ? Oh , that 's right , Juster does ! It 's so easy to remember when he names the gang after himself . We need to change our name from the Black Claw . It 's so cheesy . " " We came up with that in middle school , remember ? " Nolafus said picking up a trash can trying to pop out the dents . " Besides , we couldn 't come up with any better names and this one is stuck now . " " Oh crap , " Nolafus said tossing the trash can aside and leaning forward . " I forgot all about that . I have a date with Anaria tonight . I can 't cancel again , she 'll kill me . " Rineon looked over at Nolafus . " I 'll cover this meeting , go ahead with your date . I 'm sure I won 't screw things up too badly while you 're away . " " Thanks Rineon , you 're a life saver . " Nolafus said leaning back and picking up the trash can . " You know our one year anniversary is next week . " Noolafus looked at the watch on his wrist . " Four forty - five . Just about time for me to leave to pick up Anaria . I 'll see you tomorrow and good luck with the meeting . " Nolafus got up and left the alley pausing at the entrance to wave to Rineon . The evening air was crisp and light as Nolafus walked down a couple blocks to a house with a light green srain waiting on the porch . Nolafus walked up to the srain and took her in a big embrace . Nolafus open the door for Anaria and they both stepped inside . The diner was full of srains laughing over their different conversations being held over classic rock while various waitresses went from table to table writing down orders and taking dishes away . Nolafus lead Anaria to the last empty booth and took a seat . Soon a light green waitress appeared with a nametag that read " Kailery " . " Yeah , I don 't think I 've ever seen this place not filled to the brim . " Nolafus said looking at the crowd himself . " Maybe during closing time . " " Yeah , I know . " Anaria responded . " I remember that one date where both diners were full to the brim and we ended up going back to my place and eating frozen dinners . " The conversation eventually faded and Nolafus and Anaria sat there in silence listening to the classic rock playing overhead . " Hey Nolafus ? " Anaria asked as Nolafus took a drink of root beer . " Do you ever see us getting married ? " " Burgers are here ! " Kailery said setting down two burgers on either side of the table as Nolafus let out a quiet sigh . " Let me know if you need anything else , okay ? " Nolafus and Anaria were walking home when Nolafus walked passed an alley and looked inside . Rineon was standing on a box surrounded by twenty srains . Rineon 's mouth was moving , but Nolafus was too far away to hear what he was saying . Anaria noticed Nolafus had changed his gaze to the alley and looked over herself . Rineon mimicked a gagging motion to which Nolafus promptly punched him in the shoulder . A dark green srain came into view at the entrance to the alley . After a moment , two other srains joined the first on either side and followed him into the alley . Nolafus stood up and nudged Anaria behind him . " What do you want Juster . " " That 's why I have this . " Juster said pulling out a pistol from his pocket and leveling it at Nolafus ' head . " You want a problem solved ? Take it out at the source . " Rineon shifted in his seat . " After the meeting I took a couple guys to mess up their hideout . Oh , and I wouldn 't shoot him if I were you . " Rineon stood up and pointed his pistol at Juster 's head . No one moved , each one calculating their next course of action . Juster turned to take a better look at Rineon when Nolafus ducked and swept his feet out from under him . Juster fell down with a thud , wrapping his tail around one of Rineon 's feet and taking Rineon down with him . The fall had caused both their guns to go sliding away in different directions . Nolafus had picked up a gun and pointed it at the two srains who had accompanied Juster into the alley . Both of them took off running , leaving Juster to fend for himself . Juster had managed to get both of his legs under Rineon and sent him flying into the trash cans nearby . Nolafus turned around to see where Rineon had landed , and when he turned back around , Juster was there , holding a gun . The two of them stood there , each wielding a gun aimed for each other . No one moved a muscle for a full minute . Anaria let out a scream from between a couple of crates . Nolafus looked down at his chest , his eyes flying wide open . However , when Nolafus looked down , not a single bullet hole was to be found . Nolafus looked up , just in time to see Juster , falling down to the ground in a heap . Blood trickling down from a hole in his chest unto the floor of the alley . Nolafus awoke with a start . He was breathing heavily and sat up straight . Nolafus let out a big sigh and laid back down . He brought his knees up under his chin , and wept . " Hello Bristol ! It 's currently six o ' clock on this fine Monday morning . The sky looks clear and it 's expected to stay that way for the rest of the week . Prepare those swimming trunks and hoses , because it is going to be a scorcher today . Coming up is - " Nolafus pressed down on the alarm clock and groaned as he slowly began to crawl out of bed . He trudged over to his dresser and began dressing for the day . The scent of morning coffee hung in the kitchen like a blanket when Badron came walking in with a big yawn . " I didn 't have to get you up this morning . " Nolafus said , pouring himself a cup of coffee . " Well , that means everything will dry out faster . " Nolafus said taking a sip of coffee and leaning back onto the counter . " Hopefully , everyone will have their hoses on and getting everything wet . " The fire truck raced through the city , sirens blaring loudly as cars swerved off to the side of the road . The truck rounded a corner and came screeching to a halt outside a house already engulfed in flames . Various firefighters hopped out of the truck and jumped into action . Nolafus immediately started to control the crowd outside and began moving them back to a safe distance . A firefighter came over to Nolafus and tapped him on the shoulder . The two of them entered the house and it immediately became clear the structure wasn 't going to hold for much longer . Nolafus and Kolski found the stairs and darted up , being careful not to step on the really burnt spots . The path forked off in two different directions . Nolafus was about to run to the left , when he heard a scream coming from his right . He raced down the hallway , the heat burning his scales through his jacket , and burst through a door . A little girl was sitting in a corner crying . Nolafus ran over and scooped up the girl in his arms . He turned around and motioned to Kolski to get out of there . Nolafus was just about to take a step forward when he heard the floor under him start to creak under his weight . Nolafus threw the little girl at Kolski just in time as the boards gave way and Nolafus fell down into the room below . He landed on the oxygen tank strapped to his back with a thud . Nolafus looked up just in time to see board after board falling down after him . The boards landed directly on top of him , one board came directly down on Nolafus 's head . The strike broke open Nolafus ' mask and caused a severe gash right above his left eye . Smoke began to seep through the cracks and into his lungs . His vision began to blur . Nolafus noticed his body was covered with burning boards . He struggled in vain to get the boards off . He could feel his body being burned through the jacket . Blood was spilling into his eye and onto the floor . Nolafus looked around him , he noticed he was in the garage . A car sat to his left , he knew that if the flames managed to reach the car , it was all over . He used every ounce of his draining strength to move the boards . The boards didn 't move , and Nolafus collapsed . When Nolafus opened his eyes , he wasn 't burning , he wasn 't surrounded by fire , and he wasn 't even in a building . Instead , he was floating . Nolafus looked around and he found himself in a sort of void . He remained floating there , looking out at the deep abyss . He tried to remember what he was doing , but tNolafus raised his hand to shield his eyes from the bright light , but it soon died down . Nolafus lowered his hand to reveal a dark hole where the light had been . Rays of light showed the outlined of the dark hole , and Nolafus smiled . The dark hole seemed so inviting , he even thought he could hear music . Nolafus thought about trying to remember the clouded memories , but it just seemed like so much work . Why spend so much effort when it was so easy just to give in ? Nolafus gave up on his thoughts and began to drift towards the hole , he was still a ways away , but he had time . It 's not like anyone was expecting him anywhere . He had no responsibilities and all the time in the world , he could go anywhere , do anything , but right now , all Nolafus wanted to do was go through that hole . He could just simply fall in there . Wait , " fall … " why does that ring a bell ? Nolafus stopped to ponder this thought which had invaded his mind . The thought was just a whisper , but it kept repeating itself . Each time it grew louder and louder , eventually the thought was shouting in his head . Nolafus raised his hands to his head in an effort to drown out the screaming . He winced , he felt pain dart through his entire body . What was happening ? What is this place ? Why am I here ? Nolafus ' eyes flew open . His memory , foggy a second ago , had now began to appear . He had a wife , wait , she died a while ago . Yet he still felt love , and loved . How can this be ? Nolafus remembered two srains , sons ? Yes , definitely sons , one was twelve , the other seven . What were their names ? Badron and Kren , his two sons . Another srain and a human appeared in his thoughts , Kolski and Joe , my friends . Firefighters , they were firefighters . That one word , fall , why did that word feel so real ? Fall , I was falling . Falling from where ? There was a fire , and I was falling . All of Nolafus ' memories came flooding back to him in an instant and he remembered everything . He remembered finding that little girl , he remembered falling through the floor , and he remembered not being able to escape . The void that had once seemed so safe , began to fade , and the hole that once looked so inviting . Nolafus noticed it wasn 't a hole at all , but a mouth . Everything around him seem to melt as he was shot up , into a bright light . Nolafus took a deep breath and immediately started pushing everything off of him . The boards were easier to move for some reason . He shot up and started running through the door . He took off through the hallway where he saw a woman standing there , wearing nothing . She was surrounded by fire and turned away from him , but she didn 't move . In fact , she seemed to be wearing the fire . Her entire body was adorned with a cloak made entirely of flickering energy . Nolafus called out to her , and she turned around . Her first look was one of shock as she walked towards Nolafus and started pushing him back towards the burning garage . Nolafus tried with all his might to escape from her grasp , but it was no use . She wouldn 't let go and despite the struggle Nolafus was putting up , she was able to drag him back into the garage . She lifted up the boards and started to push Nolafus back under them . Nolafus wasn 't able to escape , and not willing to give up the fight , he screamed . Nolafus screamed so loudly and with such intensity , he had to close his eyes and he felt the grip of the woman loosen , and release . When Nolafus opened his eyes , the boards were gone . Nolafus looked down and saw sheets , bed sheets . His eyes darted around the room . The fire was put out . In fact , there didn 't seem to be a fire at all . The woman was still there , but she was wearing something different . She was wearing a nurse 's outfit . She was clamping her hands over her ears like a loud noise had just been plaguing her . Nolafus took another look around the room . The walls were white and the sound of humming could be heard coming from various machines . Plastic tubes extended out from these machines into his wrist . A constant , steady beeping broke the silence as Nolafus looked over to a machine with a light that danced every time the beeping rang out . Pain shot up through his entire body as he tried to get up again . The entire room spun around faster and faster until Nolafus collapsed back unto the bed , and fell asleep . Nolafus awoke to the same room he was in before . The machines were still buzzing , but the room was dark and empty . Nolafus took a look around and saw a window . It was dark outside , and the moon was out . Nolafus looked around for a clock . Nolafus sighed and leaned back in the bed . When he hit the mattress , pain shot up through his body . Nolafus winced and waited for the pain to fade away . He felt like he had this dream , a weird dream . He could see a void , a woman dressed in fire , but nothing else . Nolafus felt like it was more than a dream , but he soon gave up on trying to remember . A streetlight outside of Nolafus ' window shined through the blinds and down on a table . The light bounced off of an object and into Nolafus ' eye . He turned to see what was on it . Nolafus was surprised to see a bouquet of flowers , he was shocked to see the entire table adorned with various cards and gifts . He began to count the people in his head that would send him these things , but no matter how many times he counted , the number of cards seemed to quadruple the number of people Nolafus could think of . He leaned over to try to take a few , but pain shot up through his body . Nolafus winced and was able to swipe one card . He looked at it , but it was too dark to make out any of the words . Nolafus looked around once again and was able to find a lamp within easy reach . He turned it on , and began reading . Thank you for saving my niece . I can 't express in words how grateful I am that you would risk your life , to save another . You are a true inspiration and it 's srains like you that give me hope for the others . I can 't imagine the pain and the suffering you went through , and I do sincerely hope that you wake up one day to read this . Please get better soon . " Wake up one day , what does that mean ? " Nolafus asked to no one in particular . Nolafus looked around for a calendar , but couldn 't find one . " How long have I been out ? " Nolafus ' attention suddenly turned to his kids . He wondered where they were , if they were worried , if they knew he was alright . Nolafus thought about these questions for a long time , but then , he thought about that little girl . " I guess she 's alright . " Nolafus thought , turning his attention back to the card . " I mean , if her uncle wrote that she is . " Nolafus paused and took a deep breath . He cautiously leaned back into the bed and closed his eyes . He couldn 't get mad , the guy probably meant well , but there was no use getting mad . Anger only made things worse . Before long , Nolafus fell into a dreamless sleep . " Calm down ? I 've been out for a month and you want me to calm down ? " Nolafus asked pushing her away . " Where are my kids ? Where have they been living ? For pete 's sake I 've been out for a month ? " Nolafus plopped back down on his bed . For the first time , he noticed a knot in his lower back . It throbbed and emitted waves of pain . Nolafus winced as the doctor came in . " I wouldn 't move much if I were you . " The doctor said as he came over , whipping out a pen and began writing something down on a clipboard . " You 're in pretty bad shape , moving might make it worse . " " I don 't even know how to begin . " Nolafus said , looking at the ceiling . " I mean , it couldn 't have been a month . I wasn 't out for that long , a couple days maybe , but not a month . " The doctor jotted something down on his clipboard , got up , and left the room . Nolafus was left there listening to the hum of the machines and looking at his legs . The sheets clearly showed the outline of two legs , but Nolafus couldn 't feel them . He carefully put his head back down . The nurse thought for a moment . " Well , I wasn 't there personally , but I have heard about it . I think you got out of bed , walked out into the hall , and got a nurse 's attention . Naturally she tried to put you back in your bed , but you were fighting her every step of the way . You were pretty weak , so it was obviously important we get you back in the bed , but right as she was about to pull the covers over you , you screamed . I was working on the floor above you at the time , and even I heard that scream . After that , you passed out . " The nurse looked over at the table , " That 's easy . You 're quite the popular guy . " She said walking over to it . " There 's also these letters under here . " Nolafus ' eyes bulged when he saw two bins under the table completely full . " How is that even possible ? I don 't have that many friends . " " Really , they shared that on the news ? " Nolafus asked , " Can you at least bring the letters over here or something ? It would be nice to have something to do here . " The nurse turned around and walked out of the room before Nolafus could thank her . He looked at the table and bins . He couldn 't believe how much mail he had received . Nolafus picked up card after card and started reading . Nolafus skimmed through each card , until he came across a card using his first name . A friend for sure . I really hope you get better soon . The fire station isn 't the same without you . Looking back on it all , I 'm amazed at your selflessness . You just did something hardly anyone else would do . I 'm not exactly sure what happened , Kolski isn 't telling much , but all I do know is that instead of trying to save the both of you and possibly hurting the little girl , you threw her to safety and took the fall yourself . The doctors are being dumb and won 't let me see you until " you 're in proper condition " , but just letting you know that I 'll be there the first chance I get . Don 't worry about your kids , they 're staying over at Anaria 's parents ' house . We tried to find your parents , but they wouldn 't return our calls . Don 't give up , I 'll see you soon . Nolafus closed the card and set it on the corner of the table . He was glad the kids were safe . Nolafus yawned and rubbed his eyes . He was surprised at how tiring being in pain was . Nolafus closed his eyes , and before long , fell asleep . " Because you are . " The doctor said , " We don 't know how you were able to walk . Before your episode , we ran some tests and concluded that you were paralyzed from the waist down . Later that month , a nurse reported seeing you walk , you were pretty weak , but walking . " " Well , Kolski and I found the little girl upstairs in a room . " Nolafus started . " When I ran over and picked her up , the floor gave way underneath me and I threw the little girl to safety . I crashed into the garage and a bunch of boards landed on me . Nothing landed on my back . " Getting up from the chair , the doctor jotted a few things down on his clipboard , and left the room . Nolafus sat there with only the humming of the machines to break the silence . He looked at his legs , shook his head , and laid back down . He leaned over and picked up a couple cards . Nolafus started reading through them when the door to his room opened . " Joe ? " Nolafus said looking up from the cards . Joe scratched his chin , trying to recall the memories . " Well , let 's see . From my perspective , Kolski was the one that brought the little girl out . He set the little girl down on the porch , told her to run to her parents , and immediately darted back inside . That 's when I knew something was wrong . After a long while , Kolski reappeared carrying you out . Probably not the best thing for your back , but it 's better for your health than dying . Kolski isn 't talking much about it , so that 's pretty much all I know . " " We all came rushing over , luckily the ambulance had arrived by that time , so we didn 't have to wait . I won 't go into too much detail , but let 's just say it didn 't take a doctor to tell you were pretty messed up . " Joe said , grimacing . " Oh , they 're fine . " Joe said , reassuringly . " They were pretty worried at first , but Anaria 's parents took them in and they 've settled down . All they know is that you woke up , and that you 're under stable condition . " " Oh , it 's that one stage of recovery . " Joe remarked . " The victim goes on and on about how they should have known , how they could have prevented it , how they would have done something different . Kind of pathetic really . " " No , well not you directly . " Joe began . " Now one could argue that I called you pathetic indirectly , but they would only be partially correct . " " Man , it 's kind of sad to see you hooked up to so many machines . " Joe said looking around the room . " All these wires and medical stuff . " " Oh , don 't worry about it , you have enough to worry about as is . " Joe said . " Let me take care of the finer points . " " What did I just say ? " Joe said leaning forward . " I have everything under control . Besides , I 'm not going bankrupt . Why would I do that ? " " Well , that 's my queue to leave . " Joe said getting up . " I 'll see you soon Nolafus , don 't worry about a thing . " Joe got up , beamed at the nurse as he walked by , and disappeared beyond the door . The nurse shook her head and started checking up on all of the machines . She turned a few dials , wrote some things down , and refilled a couple sacks with some liquids . Nolafus felt the lure of sleep come over him and decided to close his eyes . Before long , he was fast asleep . When Nolafus awoke , he looked around him . No one was in the room , and he noticed that he had only been asleep for a couple hours . Nolafus shrugged and laid back down . Before he had time to close his eyes again , the knot in his back erupted . Pain was being shot out in torrents and each time the knot throbbed , it grew . Nolafus nearly collapsed , he was too overcome by shock to scream . He looked around him and found a button above his bed with text above reading press for nurse 's assistance . Nolafus winced , and pressed the button . He collapse on his bed , his mouth wide open , gasping for air . Nolafus laid there unable to move . The pain shot through his entire body . A couple minutes passed , or was it a couple hours ? Nolafus couldn 't tell , each second seemed like an eternity . Finally , a nurse opened the door , took one look at Nolafus , and ran off down the hall . The pain rose to even higher levels . After a few seconds , Nolafus blacked out . The young Nolafus looked around the jail cell . Each wall was made of white , dirty bricks with some sort of fungus growing in the cracks . All except for one wall , which was made of metal bars , containing the gate which he had been shoved through . On the wall opposite of the bars , was a sink and a toilet . A couple of beds , one on top of the other , lay against the right wall . Nolafus was sitting on the lower one while the top bed lay empty . Nolafus took a deep breath of the musty air . He could hear the shouts of other juveniles down the hall . He shook his head and laid down on the bed . " Oh man , " Nolafus thought to himself . " What have I done ? " " You have visitors , follow me . " The guard instructed , fumbling with the keys on his belt . Nolafus got up and waited for the guard to unlock the gate . The bars slid open , but the guard stood in the way . " Don 't try anything stupid . " He warned , patting the baton securely fastened to his belt and stepping aside . Nolafus walked into the hallway and continued down with the guard following after . As he walked past the various cells , humans and srains alike tried to reach through the bars and pull him closer to them . Nolafus dodged and weaved along the sea of shouting voices and snaring traps until he passed the last of the cells . Nolafus found himself at a point where the hallway split off into two sections and paused . The guard turned him down the hall to the right and pushed the young srain towards the door at the far end . Nolafus , surprised by the sudden momentum , tripped and fell on the floor . Nolafus slowly got on his feet and started to make his way towards the door once again . The guard , once they reached the door , punched in a code and opened it . Nolafus was led inside and into a booth , where his parents were there to meet him on the other side of the glass . Nolafus sat down in the chair and picked up a phone that hung on the wall . His mom did the same with another phone on the other side of the glass . Nolafus ' dad took a deep breath and banged his fist against the wall . " You need to learn some respect boy ! Every time you do something stupid , we 've had to bail you out . Then you say to us how you 're going to change and leave that stupid gang of yours , but you never do . A couple months later and you 're back in here . You 're an embarrassment to our family and this time , you 're going to stay . You 're going to think about what you 've done . " " Oh , I get it . " Nolafus said leaning back in his chair . " You 're making me think that you aren 't going to bail me out to teach me a lesson , but you are . " Nolafus ' dad shouted through the phone . " You just killed another srain damn it ! Don 't you even care ! You should just be thankful they decided not to try you as an adult ! You know what ? I hope you rot in here ! When they release you when you 're eighteen , don 't think of coming back home . There won 't be a family to wait for you . You 're on your own . You aren 't my son . Guards came rushing towards Nolafus and dragged him away from the window . Nolafus tried to wriggle out from under the tangled mess of arms , but it was no use . He continued to struggle and fight until a guard grabbed his bottle of pepper spray . Nolafus screamed as the burning liquid made contact with his eyes . The guards wrestled him back into his cell and closed the gate . Nolafus threw himself down on his bed and punched the wall . Nolafus looked over at the sink and walked over to it . He turned the knob and the water came pouring out . The water fell into the srain 's cupped hands and then up to his face . Nolafus tried rubbing the pepper spray away with the water , but it was of little use . He looked up at a mirror above the sink . It had been smashed by an apparently disgruntled inmate who was sick of looking at himself . When Nolafus looked into it , he was taken aback . Through the cracks , Nolafus saw a srain , but it wasn 't him . This srain had bloodshot eyes and a mouth that seemed to form a permanent frown . The srain in the mirror , Nolafus thought , looked like a murderer . It looked like it belonged in here . Nolafus punched the mirror causing it to shatter into a million pieces . Nolafus screamed as shards were sent into his hand . He took a couple steps back and tripped over the corner of the beds , causing him to fall back and smash his head on the concrete floor . When Nolafus awoke , he found that he wasn 't in his cell . He was still in the prison because of the guards standing by the door of this room , but he wasn 't sure where . A human wheeled his way over to the bed Nolafus laid in . This human was wearing a white lab coat and a surgical face mask , but removed the mask when he neared the bed . " Look who finally woke up . " The doctor said , smiling . " Well , when the guards found you , you were out cold on the floor of your cell in a pool of blood . " The doctor said , reaching a hand forward . " Hold up , don 't pick at that bandage there . " " Smart . " The doctor said wheeling over to a counter and picking up a container full of pills . " You will be given two of these pills three times a day , two at breakfast , lunch , and dinner . " " Well , " The doctor said placing the pills back on the counter . " We 've had problems before with inmates , umm … misusing them in the past , so we hand them out now . If you 'll excuse me , I have to treat somebody that decided to pick a fight with the wrong karate master . " The doctor stood up and walked over to a human that had casts on both his arms and on one of his legs . Nolafus laid his head down and tried to fall asleep . Despite being here at the prison several times before , he had never been in the infirmary before . He always had his parents bail him out before anything happened . Nolafus sat up at the thought of his parents . " They can 't just leave me here , I 'm their son for crying out loud . " He thought to himself . The young srain felt anger rising throughout his body , " They can 't do this to me , they don 't understand . They never understand . " Something inside Nolafus ' head snapped and waved of pain cascaded down from his head over his entire body . He screamed out in pain and fell back onto the bed . The doctor came rushing over and grabbed a couple of pills . Nolafus grabbed the pills and downed them in a heartbeat . He laid there cradling his head in his arms for what seemed like an eternity before the pain started to subside . The srain lifted his head and called over the doctor . " You 're going to be suffering from some pretty bad migraines for a while , but that one seemed really bad . " The doctor said . " Did you get emotionally worked up or something ? " " Well then , looks like we have some anger issues to work out . " The doctor said walking over to the counter and picking up a slip of paper . " Do you want to see someone about that ? " Nolafus was back in his cell . The young srain laid on his bed , staring up into space . There was a bandage on his hand , but it had stopped hurting a while ago . His head was still wrapped , but the headaches were starting to dissipate . The doctor said that he was healing remarkably fast , even for a srain . In fact , Nolafus was expected to make a full recovery without as much as a headache to bother him . There was a tapping on the bars attached to his cell . Nolafus got up and turned down the hall . The hands reached through the bars and tried to ensnare Nolafus with their grip . One managed to grab a hold of Nolafus ' jumpsuit , but the guard swiftly whacked the hand with his baton . A loud crack bounced through the hall followed by a scream of pain as the prisoner reeled his broken hand back through the bars . The guard led him into the visitors ' room once again . He sat down at the booth and stared through the glass to see Anaria on the other side . Nolafus sighed and looked down . He could feel the guilt inside of him rise each time Anaria asked the question . " I don 't know . " " That doesn 't answer my question . " Anaria said , tears visibly coming into her eyes . " I don 't know ! " Nolafus shouted , his emotions came pouring out , like a dam that held too much water . " I don 't know ! I never meant to do it ! It just happened , I never meant to do it ! I don 't know why I did it , I just did ! I don 't know ! I don 't know ! " Nolafus plopped his head in his arms on the table in front of him , sobbing . " Nolafus , " Anaria cried through the phone , " I don 't know what possessed you to think all your problem would simply disappear if you shot someone . I don 't know what made you pull that trigger , but there is one thing I do know . And the one thing I do know is that still love you . As crazy as that sounds , it 's true . I tried to hate you , but I can 't . We 'll get through this together . Once you get out , we 'll go away . I don 't know where , but we will . Nolafus , I still love you . " Nolafus ' eyes flew open . He shot up and looked at his surroundings . The familiar hum of the various machines and the beep … beep … beep … of the heart - rate monitor filled his head . He gaze locked on the table and the stack of unread cards on top of it . Nolafus took a deep breath and let out a big sigh . Nolafus laid back down on the bed and glanced out of the window . A bird had landed on the window sill and was looking back and forth towards some activity not visible from this angle . The bird flew off to explore the outside world leaving Nolafus behind . Some sunlight had managed to sneak in through the panes and splashed itself onto the floor . Nolafus raised his hand into the beams , feeling the warmth . " Surgery ! " Nolafus exclaimed , dropping his hand and facing the doctor , " You mean I already went through surgery ! I dozed off for a couple minutes and I go through surgery ! " The doctor extended a hand out towards Nolafus . " Calm down , the surgery was a success and there 's nothing to be afraid of . Don 't you remember anything right before you blacked out ? " " If you 're feeling up to it , I don 't see why not . " The doctor responded standing up . " Now if you 'll excuse me , I have some other patients to check up on . " The doctor jotted a few things down on his clipboard and left . Nolafus was all alone in the room once again . He let his thoughts travel to the outside world and what might lay beyond . The srain tried to position himself so that he could see out the window a little better , but it was to no avail . Nolafus shook his head and laid back on the bed . He was sick of the room and everything in it . He wasn 't meant to be cooped up like this . Nolafus wanted to go outside and smell the fresh air , feel the warm sunlight on his entire body , not just on his hand through the window . He leaned over and picked up a couple cards from the table . Nolafus skimmed through the notes and pictures , most of them were just drawings done by some kids who wanted to write a letter to the latest super hero , and flung them back onto the table with the others . Before long , the srain had fallen asleep , only to be awoken by the sound of a closing door . " Joe ? " Nolafus asked , " What are you doing here ? " Joe quickly stood up and walked out the door without a word . Nolafus laid there puzzled for a couple minutes . Joe finally came back through the door , grinning , and with a wheelchair . Nolafus rolled his eyes and chuckled , " Sure , whatever floats your boat . Now bring that thing over to me so I can get in . The faster I can get out of this room , the better . " Joe pushed the wheelchair over next to the bed . Nolafus pushed the covers off of him and tried sliding into the chair . The srain reached out an arm to steady to wheelchair , when he applied a little too much pressure , causing it to shoot away from the bed and into a wall . Nolafus pushed the wheelchair through the doorway and into the hall . " I 'm not exactly sure where to go . " Nolafus said , looking down the hall on each side . Nolafus and Joe came into the main lobby of the hospital . Doctors and nurses were running around everywhere taking care of patients and helping people just coming inside . " Wait , am I even allowed to be out here ? " Nolafus asked , looking around him . " I don 't know if I want to go outside in the hospital gown . That 's a little embarrassing , don 't you think ? " Nolafus commented , looking down at what he was wearing . " Oh , we 're not going outside that way . " Joe said , pushing Nolafus across the lobby . " The hospital has their own garden , flower , thing that they have for patients . " Joe stopped outside a glass door . Nolafus could see rows and rows of flowers on the other side with the sun casting its warmth across the garden . There were a few other patients already exploring around the space , some with various people Nolafus could only assume were visiting friends and family while others were all by themselves . Nolafus reached for the door handle when Joe yanked back the wheelchair . " Oh , family will always be there , " Joe started , " You want to know who won 't always be there ? Chief Baker , and look who 's standing right over there . You should talk to him , he probably has something really nice to say to you . " " I 've been thinking of hiring someone to help me with my paperwork recently , and word got out . " The chief began . " When Joe and Kolski found out , they kept pestering me to offer a certain someone who had just gone through surgery the job . Eventually they got entire firehouse got involved with it , and now I 'm here . " " Don 't thank me , thank those two lunatics . " Chief Baker scoffed as he pointed to Joe and Kolski across the room who were now shooting a thumbs up over at Nolafus . " Now if you excuse me , I have some work I have to do today . " Nolafus nodded and went back to where his kids were . The srain still felt trapped in the small room , but he felt better now that he could see visitors . The next few months went passed and Nolafus finally checked himself out of the hospital . Joe continued pushing Nolafus down the concrete path away from the hospital . Despite the sun being high in the sky , a wind sent a shiver up Nolafus ' spine . He pulled his clothes tighter around him , hoping to block out the cold . The temperature had been dropping for a couple months , not that Nolafus would have noticed . He was too busy in the hospital to go outside much . Which made this moment all the sweeter . Nolafus took a big gulp of air and smiled . It felt good to finally be out . No more doctors pestering you with questions , or lying in the same room day after day . A few news reporters stopped by his room a couple months ago to do some sort of follow - up story , but there were none today . Not that Nolafus minded , he was never really one for the spotlight . The two reached the compact car and Joe swung open the passenger door for Nolafus . Nolafus hoisted himself into the seat while Joe compacted the wheelchair down and put it in the trunk . Joe hopped in the driver 's seat , started the car , and before long , was driving through the crowded streets of downtown . Nolafus shifted quietly in his seat . The car continued down the road , turning off into Nolafus ' neighborhood . Nolafus eyes widened as they neared his house . Outside waiting for him was Kolski , Badron , and Kren , all standing in front of a new , wooden ramp that looked a little out of place in front of the old house . Joe quickly hopped out and fetched Nolafus ' wheelchair out of the trunk . Once he got situated , Nolafus wheeled forward and greeted everyone . " Okay , hold on a second , " Nolafus said , turning towards Joe . " How much are you spending on me ? First there was the surgery , then there was the hospital bill , and now the lumber ? How much debt am I putting you in ? " Joe laughed , " Okay , okay . I guess I do owe you an explanation , don 't I ? Well , my wife is a lawyer , and she recently got a string of high profile cases , so we had a lot of money lying around . I managed to convince her to let us pay for your expenses , which was not easy considering she argues for a living by the way , and that 's that . We 're not broke , so you can take that off your mind . " " I don 't like talking about our financial situation , " Joe responded . " But this isn 't about me . This is about you finally being home . " Nolafus smiled and turned back towards the house . The ramp was sturdy , and held firm when Nolafus wheeled up it and to the door . Right as Nolafus opened the door , Kolski stuck his hand out , preventing Nolafus ' entry . Nolafus entered the house and did what he was told . When he entered the kitchen , Nolafus looked around for a minute . Nothing seemed too out of place . It took Nolafus a second , but he realized what was changed . A couple hours later , and the newly renovated kitchen was alive . Joe stood over the stovetops , heating up a pot full of water , while Kolski chopped up some carrots for a salad . Nolafus , given strict instructions to stay out of the kitchen , was in the living room , playing with his kids . The father was about to assist Kren 's rampage through the town that had just been built in the middle of the living room , when a knock came at the front door . Nolafus wheeled his way over and opened the door . Nolafus wheeled himself out onto the porch and closed the door behind him . He swallowed and adjusted his seating . The father felt his palms start to sweat as Susan finished tidying up her hair . The camera man handed her a microphone and hoisted the camera up to his shoulder again . Susan cleared her throat and nodded at the camera , to which the guy responded by pressing a button and a red light flickered on . " Hello , I 'm Susan Boyle , and I 'm standing here with a local hero . You heard from channel four news first about a fire that completely engulfed a suburban home that left a poor , young girl stranded on the second floor . You also heard about a brave soul that took on those flames and saved the little girl from harm , but wasn 't so lucky himself . After six , long months , the brave firefighter is finally home , out of the hospital , and ready for his first interview . Mr . Simolsen , everyone wants to know , what was going through your head ? " Nolafus swallowed , " I , uhh … my partner and I were told that there was a girl inside the house , on the second floor . When we rushed up to the door and opened it , the wave of heat made up stagger . It probably wasn 't the smartest idea to head inside , but we decided to risk it anyway . We found the little girl pretty quickly , huddled in a corner of a room . When I ran over and picked her up , I could feel the ground underneath me start to move . Looking back , I probably should have ran , but I threw the girl instead to my partner just as I was falling . That 's pretty much all I can remember . " " I had broken my back and received a concussion . The concussion is all fine now , but I remain paralyzed from the waist down . " Nolafus said , gesturing to his wheelchair . Nolafus looked around him for a second . " Are you serious ? Of course it was worth it . Would I have rather sustained no injuries ? Of course I would have , but better me than the girl . " " Such a passionate answer , " Susan commented . " And there we have it , answers from the hero himself . Just remember you saw it first on Channel Four News . " The camera man flicked a switch and the red light turned off . He gave a nod and lowered the camera from his shoulders and opened up a bag . Susan smiled at Nolafus . " We should have it all ready by eleven o ' clock ! I just know the viewers are going to love you . It 's always nice to have good stories about srains . " Susan shook her head , " Oh , don 't act like you 're surprised . With how much gang activity we have going on , it 's no wonder people don 't like you . But I just know that our viewers are going to change their mind about you ! You 're one of the few good ones around here . " Nolafus watched as the two packed everything into their van and took off down the dusty street . The father let out a deep sigh and went back into the house . Warm smells greeted him as Kolski and Joe set the table . Kolski looked up after setting down a bowl of salad . " Who was at the door ? " Nolafus shook his head . " Oh , just some reporters wanting an interview . You know , you think you make so much progress , only to have one person come by and prove that you haven 't done squat . " Nolafus nodded and wheeled himself over to the table . Badron and Kren were both already sitting down , looking at the feast before them . All across the table lay plates and bowls of mashed potatoes , fruit salad , steak , and an assortment of vegetables . Badron quietly pushed a bowl of green beans away from his side of the table as Joe passed out plates to everyone . " So , what happened while I was away ? " Nolafus asked once everyone had settled down and began eating . " Okay , that 's enough , " Badron interrupted . " It was weird living with Grandma and Grandpa . Since they lived outside our school 's county , we had a special arrangement with the school so that we wouldn 't fall behind . " " Since Grandpa used to be a teacher , the school just sent him everything we needed . It took a while for Grandma to convince the school , and Grandpa , to do it , but they eventually agreed . " Badron responded . The dinner continued on , even as the sunlight drifting through the windows faded to black . Everyone was exchanging various stories from the past few months , and even a few ones they have all heard hundreds of times before . The food on the table slowly dwindled down as the group filled their plates with seconds and thirds . Nolafus had to force Badron and Kren to eat the green beans , to which the two protested , but that was soon behind them . Once the food was gone , and the conversation died down , Joe stood up and began clearing the table . Nolafus picked up an empty bowl , but Kolski promptly took it from his hands . " C ' mon , there has to be one thing I can do . " Nolafus argued . " If you 're going to put up this much of a fight , then can you take out the trash ? " Joe asked , waving his hand in front of his nose . " It 's full and really starting to stink . " Nolafus wheeled over to the trash can and plucked out the bag . He threw it over his shoulder , which nearly made him fall backwards . After some adjustment , Nolafus wheeled over to the door and opened it . After wheeling through and closing the door behind him , Nolafus looked up . The stars spilled across the sky , filling the black canvas with white lights . I wonder which star my grand - parents called their sun , Nolafus thought . Nolafus continued looking up at the sky as he wheeled down the ramp . He could only imagine the journey his grandparents must have traveled to even get here . And what they saw here that made them want to stay . Nolafus ' thoughts were interrupted when he reached the trash cans . He lifted up the lid , plopped in the bag , and turned around . Nolafus froze . He focused on the shadow that shrouded the side of the house in darkness . He could have sworn something moved . He wheeled farther down the sidewalk in an attempt to see better , squinting his eyes as well . A cat burst forth from the shadows and ran down the street . Nolafus chuckled at the event and at how easily he was scared . He turned around and wheeled himself up the ramp . When Nolafus was about halfway up , an unseen force grabbed the back of his wheelchair and threw him down the ramp . Nolafus skidded and crashed onto the sidewalk , sending his wheelchair flying out of reach . A figure emerged from under the ramp and slowly walked over to the father . Nolafus looked at his attacker , hoping to identify the assaulter . A scaled muzzle protruded from the hood of the culprit 's jacket , and a tail swished behind his legs . Nolafus opened his mouth to yell out for help , when the attacking srain pulled out his hand from the hoodie 's pocket , revealing a pistol . He was right . Nolafus thought about what would happen if he did manage to reach it . What would he do ? All he could do was lay there on the sidewalk . The hooded srain laughed . " Oh , you don 't know me , but I know you , Nolafus Simolson , the tragic hero . Did you enjoy the attention from the news ? They made you look like a hero . But I know , and you know , that 's not true . In fact , some might even call you a murderer . " " Oh , you do remember ? I wasn 't sure after I saw you on the news . You seemed like you were so happy with yourself for saving that little girl , but we both know that you don 't save everyone . " " After you shot him ! Damn you ! No , I 'm not Juster , I 'm his father . The father that received the worst phone call any parent could receive , and then watched as his son 's murderer got off with little more than a slap on the wrist . You should have rotted in jail for the rest of your life ! " Juster 's father smiled . " Oh , that 's an easy question to answer . At first , I was just going to kill you , but when I saw the city lift you up on a pedestal like you were some sort of hero , I couldn 't let you off that easy . No , you needed to find out what true suffering felt like . You want to know what I 'm going to do ? I 'm going to leave you here , helpless as I go inside your house and make you go through the exact pain I did when I lost my son . Except , you 're going to feel the pain of losing two sons . And just so you don 't get any ideas … " The hooded srain pulled out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket , and smiled . He took a step towards Nolafus , when something struck the srain . Kolski stood where Juster 's father had a second before , as the hooded srain went tumbling into the street . Juster 's father lifted himself to all fours and looked up . A pair of headlights came thundering down the street , right at him . Juster 's father screamed and put his arms in front of his face . Nolafus lunged forward , took a hold of the attacker 's tail , and yanked as hard as he could . The car went screaming by , narrowly missing Juster 's father 's head , and continued down the street . Nolafus took a sigh of relief . Juster 's father slowly put his arms down and looked around . Nolafus sighed , " Look , I know this probably doesn 't mean anything , but I 'm sorry . I don 't know what it feels like to lose one of your own children , and I hope I never do . One feeling I do know is the feeling of being haunted . I 'm haunted by that day I killed your son . For years , I would wake up every night , panting and crying over what I had did . Even today , I still have to relive that day in my dreams at least once a week . There isn 't a day that goes by that I think about what I did . Every day , I wish I could take it all back so much that it aches . Do you want to know why I became a firefighter ? I became one because I thought that if I saved as many people as I possibly could , the pain would go away . It didn 't . I didn 't ask for the news coverage , it just happened . Do I feel like a hero ? No , I don 't , and I never will . Once again , I can 't imagine what you must have gone through , but just know that I 'm sorry with every fiber of my being . It doesn 't do anything , but I 'm sorry , and that 's all I can really say . " " And there 's no way you 're leaving , so just stay on the ground . " Kolski added as he walked over and grabbed Nolafus ' wheelchair . Juster 's father sighed and rolled over onto his stomach . Kolski helped Nolafus back into his wheelchair . Once Nolafus was settled , the father turned around to see Badron standing at the base of the ramp . Nolafus wheeled over and wrapped Badron in a huge embrace . " Yeah , that 's why , " Nolafus answered . Badron took a step back , and the two of them went inside the house . Nolafus didn 't want to see the police come . He never really liked them . All he wanted to do was head inside and spend time with his kids . He never wanted to waste another moment . Now that it 's all over , I 'm very much relieved . As many of you know , this was my very first writing project that I took seriously . Looking back , I probably should have started off with a short story , but oh well . I know I have a lot to learn , but I 'm proud of myself for finishing an idea . I 've ditched two other chaptered story ideas , so it feels good to have one that 's completed . Not to mention I can finally start working on other ideas I have ! Is this my strongest work ? Not even close , you should go check out some of my short stories for that , but that 's not the point . I learned a lot writing this out , like how keeping to a theme is nearly impossible . Alien Poverty got really off track of what I originally planned it to be . In case you were wondering how far off track it got , Nolafus was never supposed to go to the hospital , he was supposed to go to jail instead . So , with that in mind , I really didn 't have a plan for this past chapter seven . In fact , the reason this is so short is that I just wanted to end it before it got even more off track . So , I tried my best to do with what I had created . |
Alien Poverty If you read my new person thread then you probably heard about a book idea I was coming up with . I worked on it and managed to make some progress . So I present my non - Pokemon related story entitled Alien Poverty : The floorboards creaked as a figure moved through the old house , avoiding the squeaky floorboards one at a time . A dark green , reptilian creature standing on two legs stopped in front of a mirror by the front door . He reached for a hat , which then found its place on his smooth , scaly head . With a swing of the door and one last inspection of the gray t - shirt and cargo shorts he was wearing , the creature found himself outside . He carefully closed the door to avoid jamming his tail , and walked down the driveway . He turned in the direction of the tall skyscrapers that signaled downtown , and walked down the street past houses that looked not much newer than his own and just as tired . The creature was passing a house that looked like it hadn 't received a coat of paint in decades , when he heard a shout . " Hey Nolafus ! " A lighter green creature that looked quite a bit younger came out of the door right beside Nolafus . " Hey Kolski , anything exciting happen this morning ? " Nolafus asked continuing his pace down the dusty road . Kolski rolled his eyes . " I slept through my alarm again . I even have that thing close to full blast . " " You better not sleep in , you might get fired . " Nolafus said shaking his head . " Well that 's why you 're here , to wake me up when that does happen . " Kolski said and they both laughed as they continued to walk . " So anything new with you ? " " It 's the fifth year anniversary isn 't it ? " Kolski said quickly dropping the humorous tone in his voice . Nolafus sighed and said , " I miss her sometimes and it 's been hard for the kids , but we 're doing alright now . I know my kids aren 't the only kids to lose one of their parents and I 'm not the only husband to lose his wife , but sometimes I look back and wonder how we made it this far without her . " Nolafus responded pointing to a sign at the front of the bus . " We can 't , remember ? " " I hate that ru - " Kolski started to say , but was interrupted by a shove from a middle aged human . " Move " She blurted out as she made her way to one of the empty seats , followed closely by a middle aged man who took the other seat . " That was awfully rude of her . " Kolski whispered to Nolafus . " Maybe I should talk to her about the meaning of manners . " " Don 't start , " Nolafus said putting a hand on Kolski 's shoulder , " You know the humans don 't treat us the same . It 's something we just have to live with . " Kolski sighed and nodded his head . Thirty minutes passed until their stop came . Nolafus and Kolski stepped off the bus and into downtown surrounded by skyscrapers as far as the eye could see . The fire station was just a block down the road and they soon stepped inside . " Hey Nolafus and Kolski ! " A human shouted from across the room , waving with a smile , " You took long enough to get here , bus running late this morning ? " " Yeah Joe , it was . " Nolafus said with a nervous sigh . " I don 't care , you show up to work on time . I don 't pay you to be late . " The chief shot back and signaled for them to get out of his office . " I 'm just afraid that we 're going to get fired . It 's hard these days to find a job , especially for Srains like us . " Nolafus said gesturing to Kolski and himself . Kolski opened his mouth to say something , but a loud alarm started blaring all throughout the station . " Here we go ! " Joe shouted above the noise reading an address scrolling across a screen , " 1153 West Waterstone Road ! I call driving there ! " All the firefighters came rushing out of various rooms and down the pole to the fire truck . A couple minutes later , the truck was speeding down the road with Joe at the wheel . Five minutes later and the truck was pulling up to a one story house engulfed in flames . Everyone immediately sprang into action , from hooking up the truck to a fire hydrant to controlling the crowd that had already begun to appear . Nolafus immediately took off toward the house . He knew he needed clearance in order to go in there , but he didn 't care . There was a life that needed help , and Nolafus wasn 't about to let someone die because the house might be unsafe . Joe noticed Nolafus heading towards the house , and followed him inside . The living room was engulfed in flames , fire harmlessly lapped at the pair 's fireproof jackets . Joe and Nolafus checked room after room with no luck finding the baby . Finally , at the end of the hall they found the nursery with the baby crying in its crib . Nolafus reached down and scooped up the baby in his arms . The hall was now engulfed in flames with no way to walk through . Nolafus quickly took off his fireproof jacket and covered the baby . He took a couple steps back , and leaped through the flames to the other side his scales preventing any damage that was too serious . Joe followed suit and they both bolted through the front door with the baby , still crying , safe and sound . The mother immediately broke from the crowd and came racing over to Nolafus and Joe . She snatched the baby from Nolafus with a wrinkle in her nose and showered Joe with thank you 's and praise . Joe put his hands up and kept telling the woman that it was Nolafus that saved her baby , and she finally muttered out a small " thank you " in Nolafus ' direction and rushed back towards the crowd . " I guess so . " Nolafus muttered and started walking back towards the truck . An empty feeling took root in his stomach . He felt sick , sick of everything . He just wanted to get away . " Just what ! " Nolafus exclaimed whipping around to face Joe . His voice shook as he continued . Without realizing it , his tail lashed against the ground . " Just ashamed to admit that a Srain helped her ! When will you humans get it ? We have feeling just like you ! We 're not just meatbags , we 're not too tough to sit down on the bus , we 're not inferior , and we 're not aliens anymore ! We live on this Earth just like you and we were born on this Earth just like you ! Why don 't you humans get it ? " Nolafus let out a long , exasperated sigh . " I know you do , I just get , frustrated sometimes about all this . I 'm sorry , I didn 't mean to yell at you . " Nolafus turned a knob and let the hot water run down his scales and wash away his worries . He enjoyed this time after a fire . He could finally slow down and think without anyone coming to interrupt his thoughts . Nolafus reached for the soap and tried to wash off all the ash and debris . After a while , Nolafus never kept track of the time in the shower , he stepped out and grabbed a towel . Nolafus could still scent the lingering smell of smoke on him , it never really went away . Some people couldn 't stand it , but Nolafus wore it as a badge of honor . The smell was a mark that identified him as a life saver , someone who put others ' lives before his own . Nolafus got dressed and walked into the main living space of the fire station . He and Joe sat down at a table and Joe shuffled a deck of cards and dealt Nolafus a hand . A couple minutes later , the chief came into the room . " What you did today was reckless and stupid . I can 't believe you would even think about doing anything like that . " Chief Baker shot at Nolafus and Joe . " This isn 't a joke Joe ! " Chief Baker was at a full shout now , " I 'm in charge of all your lives here and if one of you guys die because of a stupid mistake I get the blame for it ! Each one of you is a valuable part of this team here , and I don 't want to go to another firefighter 's funeral again . " Chief Baker stopped talking abruptly as if he had revealed some secret he was trying to bottle up . " I didn 't know you felt that way chief . " Joe remarked . Kolski and Joe turned around to look through the window . A large group of people and srains were marching up and down the street carrying sign and posters . The signs were painted with various sayings such as " Equal rights for all " and " Srains need liberty " . The three of them walked back to the table and continued playing cards . The next two hours passed by and the crowd still hadn 't dispersed . Nolafus sighed and got up out of his chair . Nolafus and Kolski got up and said goodbye to Joe . They collected their things from their lockers , and walked outside . The scene was chaotic . People were roaming around shouting and hollering as far as the eye could see . Nolafus and Kolski braced themselves and headed out into the crowd . They were about halfway out of the crowd when Nolafus felt a hand on his shoulder . " Come on , your wife will take care of your kids . Stay and fight for your rights ! " The human said trying to whip everyone around him into an even bigger frenzy . The human just stood there as Nolafus and Kolski butted people aside to get through . In a few more blocks they would be out of the crowd and heading home at a steady pace . Two hours later Nolafus said goodnight to Kolski and they both headed inside . Nolafus closed the door behind him and let out a big sigh . The sounds of little footsteps came around the corner and two srains , one about half Nolafus ' height and the other one a little taller , ran to greet him . Nolafus knelt down to the little srain 's height and said , " Hey Kren , I missed you too ! We 'll talk about everything at dinner . " The taller srain stopped a couple feet in front of Nolafus and said , " So anything exciting happen at work today ? " Nolafus stood up and headed for the kitchen as the kids ran off . Thirty minutes later and Nolafus had called the kids to dinner . " So what happened at work today dad ? " Badron asked stirring around his peas . " Well let 's see , " Nolafus started . " There was a fire and Joe and I saved a baby . " " Really ? " Kren asked his eyes widening , " You actually saved a real baby all by yourself ? " " I would ! " Kren started excitement building in his voice , " You save lives and run into fire all day . When I grow up I want to be exactly like you . " Nolafus paused for a second and looked at Kren . " Wow , " he thought to himself . " I 'm gone all day and Kren still want to be like me . " The dinner went on with various conversations from firefighting to school . Once dinner was done Nolafus washed the dishes and played with the kids until bedtime . After a little fuss , Badron and Kren were soon sound asleep and Nolafus was crawling into bed himself . Nolafus turned a picture of a slightly lighter green srain toward him . " Oh Anaria , " Nolafus said to himself . " If only you could see the kids now . They 're growing up so fast and I don 't want to miss a second . Kren looks exactly like you and Badron has your eyes . I just wish there was some way I could be with them more . " Nolafus stared at the picture a minute longer then rolled over and went to sleep . He just had to make it through tomorrow then it was Friday . Nolafus was determined to spend the entire day with Badron and Kren , and make sure it was a day they would never forget . Chapter 3 Nolafus stepped out of the door and smelled the morning air . Rain had fallen over the night and the air felt damp and heavy . Nolafus walked down the sidewalk and paused a few houses down . He looked at all the homes and everything was still . The whole neighborhood looked like it was asleep . Nolafus rolled his eyes and walked up the path to Kolski 's front door . He knocked on the front door with no response from within . He reached down and felt for a key under the door mat . Nolafus found a key , inserted it into the lock and made his way inside . " Hey Kolski ! " Nolafus shouted into the dark hall . Nolafus heard a rustle , a few curse words , and an even louder rustle from behind a closed door . A few seconds later , Kolski emerged . They walked out of the house and jogged their way to the bus stop to make up for lost time . They reached the bus stop just in time to board . The bus was unusually crowded and Nolafus and Kolski had to nudge their way to an opening . Nolafus grabbed hold of a bar and all of a sudden something changed . The world started spinning and going dark . Nolafus felt a hand on his shoulder guide him to a seat and he sat down in a heap . Nolafus shook his head and everything went back to normal . The bus was traveling along the street and the sun was shining . An old man stared at Nolafus and said , " Are you alright ? " " Yeah , I think so . " Nolafus responded rubbing his head , " I don 't know what happened . Everything just started spinning . I guess I can 't run like I used to . " " Hey , that 's not how you treat your best friend now is it ? " Jacob said with a false sense of hurt in his voice . " I can 't even believe you would talk to me like that . " " Not to you I won 't , so don 't ask over and over again . My kids are more grown up than you especially when you do that . " Nolafus responded turning back around . " Listen pal , " Jacob started . " I didn 't show up to work today to be disrespected by some lizard . You need to start showing some respect for your superiors . " Kolski came back over and the three of them looked over the chore list posted up on the wall . Kolski sighed , picked up a broom leaning against the wall and headed for the garage dragging the broom behind him . Joe walked over to a drawer , got out a spray bottle and a cloth , and proceeded to spray the windows . Nolafus walked over to the kitchen and started gathering various items . " It 's so good though ! It 's a firehouse favorite . " Joe said as another firefighter came to check the chore list . " Hey Anthony ! " " Nolafus , there 's a call for you on line two . " Chief Baker said gesturing towards the phone on the wall . Nolafus looked at Joe who was sitting on a couch . Joe threw his arms up in the air and started doing the dishes as Nolafus answered the phone . A couple minutes later , Nolafus hung up the phone . Nolafus went into Chief Baker 's office and a couple minutes later , was walking down the street towards the bus stop . Nolafus boarded the bus and was down at the school a half - hour later . Nolafus walked right into the building and up to the office . A secretary led him into the principal 's office where the principal and Badron were there to meet him . Badron paused for a moment and continued . " No , the kid apologized right away and even offered to buy me something out of the vending machines to make up for it , but at that moment a big kid stopped walking by and said that no human should ever apologize to a srain . The bigger kid scared the other one away and continued harass me . Eventually things got heated and he tried to punch me , but I dodged it and punched him in the face in self - defense . He went crying to a teacher after that and now we 're here . " " School policy states that Badron must be suspended for at least one week . Since this is Badron 's first issue and no one was seriously hurt I think the one week suspension will be fine . " The principal said . Nolafus got up and left the school with Badron following close behind . Eventually the two of them arrived at the fire station and Nolafus led the way inside . The room was completely empty . No one could be heard or seen . Nolafus entertained Badron for a couple hours before the rest of the fire crew came back . Everyone filtered into the living space and the showers . " So what did I miss ? " Nolafus asked Joe as he came into the living space . " Nothing major , just someone 's shed caught fire when their kid decided it would be a good idea to practice his pyrotechnic skills in there . The shed was a total loss , but we did manage to prevent the flames from reaching the house . So how 's Badron doing ? " " What the hell is wrong with you ? " Nolafus shouted as Jacob took a step back . " Calling me lizard in front of my own kid ! I should knock some manners back into you ! Didn 't your mom teach you anything ? " " Looks like I touched a nerve there . " Jacob said smiling , " I didn 't know you could get riled up like this Nolafus . I like it . " " Don 't you take anything seriously ? I should smack that smile off your face right now ! I put up with you in the past , but this was a new low even for you ! " Nolafus shouted back taking a step towards Jacob . " Lizards don 't scare me . " Jacob said taking a step towards Nolafus . " It 's not like you 're going to do anything about it anyway . " Nolafus grabbed Jacob and threw him down the hall . Jacob slid across the floor until he collided with a wall . Jacob sat up and smiled at Nolafus . Nolafus took a step towards Jacob and Jacob flinched . Nolafus paused , took a deep breath , and walked back out into the living area leaving Jacob sitting against the wall . " Sure I do , but he called you a lizard . Did he call you that because you kind of look like one ? " Badron asked looking over at Nolafus . " It 's true I do look like a lizard in some ways , but that isn 't what he meant . You see , lizard is a slang term for srains . Lizards are stupid creatures who rely on instinct to survive . They are incapable of learning anything significant and are surpassed in every way by humans . That 's what he meant by calling me lizard . That I was stupid and below him . " Nolafus said pulling Badron closer to him . " I hope you never have to see that again . " " That 's not very fair . If I were you I would 've beat him up for saying something like that to me . " Badron said imitating a punch with his right arm . " Don 't talk like that . " Nolafus said glaring at Badron . " You know that violence is never the answer . Look where it got you now . You 're going to be a week behind in school and now you get to wake up early and come to work with me . " " No one cares if there aren 't many people on . " Nolafus responded patting a seat next to him . " You 're not going to stand the entire time , are you ? Badron took a seat next to Nolafus and stared out the window . The scenery changed from buildings and people , to plains and fields as the bus headed out of the city . A while had passed before Nolafus tried to make a conversation . " Yes , she loved flowers . " Nolafus said reaching over to pick up Kren , who had found his way over to one of the other passengers . " Sorry about that . " " I also remember talking with her a lot . " Badron said shifting his gaze back towards the window . " We would talk about whatever I wanted to talk about . It didn 't matter how upset or sad I was , she would just hug me and say that no matter what , she was there and that she loved me . " Nolafus sat there and remained quiet . The bus continued along the highway and eventually came across a small town . When the bus stopped , Nolafus lead the way off and started walking down the main street toward a group of houses . Nolafus approached one of the houses and knocked . A light green srain came to answer the door . " Hi mom . " Nolafus said taking his mother - in - law in a big embrace . " It 's been a while since we 've been down for a visit . " " Oh , nothing has really changed . " Nolafus responded , " Still the same old thing . I would ask you the same thing , but nothing here ever really changes does it ? " Marta glanced down the hallway to make sure it was empty . " They 're a part of that srainian right 's group who think it 's their duty to make sure we are happy . I think they 're just trying to break down that social barrier . " " Oh , I 'm fine with them . " Marta said , taking another look down the hall and still speaking in a hushed tone . " It 's Jerran that has the problem with it . " " Unfortunately , yes , " Marta said . " But , can you blame him ? After all they have done to us , it 's a miracle a civil war hasn 't broken out . Plus , he 's not the most forgiving person in the world , you should have seen what he did when he found out about the neigh - " Marta was cut short by the sound of the door at the end of the hall opening . A few seconds later , Jerran popped into the room and took a seat by Marta . " So what did I miss ? " Jerran grunted out as he sat down . Jerran shook the hand off of his shoulder and sat up . " Oh , you mean those humans that just moved in ? No one wants them around , I 'll give them a month before they move out . " Jerran mumbled something under his breath and slumped back into the sofa . No one talked and the room fell dead silent . Marta looked around at everyone for a while before speaking . " So Nolafus , " She blurted out . " How 's that one friend of yours , the one that lives right next to you . His name was Kosbi , I think . " " It was because the humans didn 't have a choice . " Nolafus responded sitting up and looking Jerran in the eyes . " Kolski 's parents were part of the group called The Protectors , remember ? It was either they defended themselves or die , " Jerran stood up and shouted at Nolafus . " Shut up ! You don 't get to defend them ! Remember what they did to us , this family , you , Anaria ? How dare you try to justify their actions ! " " I will never forget what they did to us . " Nolafus shouted back , standing up as well . " The important thing is that we move on and forgive . Otherwise , we 'll never learn to get along . " " Don 't you preach at me boy ! " Jerran responded a fire igniting inside his eyes . " If it weren 't for you , moving to that awful city of yours , Anaria would still be alive ! " Marta extended her arm to try to stop Nolafus , but pulled it back immediately and bowed her head . Nolafus came back into the living room with Badron and Kren . Jerran turned his head away , but Marta followed them to the front door . " Do we really have a choice ? " Nolafus asked turning around . " Look , we 'll see you next year where maybe things won 't get as heated . " " Thanks mom , I 'm sorry things turned out like that . " Nolafus responded as he started walking towards the bus stop . Nolafus waited till he was out of earshot , " I 'm sorry about Anaria . " The bus was nearly empty on the ride back to the city . Nolafus . Badron , and Kren were all sitting in seats watching the scenery zoom past the window . " No , " Nolafus responded after a pause , getting Badron 's attention back . " It 's time I told you the story . Do you know of the group called the protectors ? " " Well they were a group of srains who banded together to protect everyone else from inequality and mistreatment . When they were in their prime , around ten years ago , everything was going smoothly and even some humans were let into the group . Just when everything finally started to look up , a human member of the group was charged with murdering a srainian member . The human was tried , and found not guilty . Instead of things settling back down , an extremist branch turned and started picking off the human members one by one . Things escalated and it almost broke out into civil war . Luckily so many members dropped out , that they were reduced to nothing but a street gang , infamous for trouble . " " I was just giving you some background knowledge , sorry , I have a tendency to make stories longer than what they should be . " Nolafus responded patting Badron on the back . " Well Anaria had gone to the store to pick up groceries , when the attack started . The Protectors had begun another street raid and begun killing humans wherever they could find them . The police were called and a huge fight broke out . Anaria had gone into an alley , I presume for shelter , when The Protectors began fighting police , many with the intent to kill . A few srains ran into the same alley as Anaria was hiding and when the police came running in after them , they found her . Wanting to avenge their fallen officers , they … they , I 'm sorry , " Nolafus said blinking back tears . Nolafus started walking down the street with Badron and Kren following close behind . The bus had dropped them off in the outskirts of downtown . It seemed that everyone had their lunch break at the same time as hundreds of people crowded the sidewalk and the streets . Nolafus ordered Badron and Kren to stay close . People were pushing and shoving eachother to get where they were going when Badron lost sight of Nolafus . Badron turned around in all directions , but couldn 't find his father . He started panicking and jumping to try to catch a glimpse ever everyone 's head . Badron had no idea what to do when a hand came shooting out of the crowd and pulled him inside a building . Nolafus was there with Kren and Badron sighed of relief . The building that Nolafus had pulled Badron into , was a flower shop . " Let 's wait here a while , " Nolafus suggested . " At least until the crowd dies down a bit . " The group spread throughout the store looking at the various bouquets on display . Nolafus picked up a particularly colorful bunch and proceeded to buy them at the register . Most of the crowd had seemed to filter back into the buildings from which they appeared . After a few minutes , Nolafus led the group outside . " So where are we going now ? " Badron asked catching up to Nolafus . Nolafus kept walking down the street and disappeared around a corner . Once Badron rounded the bend he noticed a cemetery that he had never known to exist . He saw Nolafus enter and stand near one of the tombstones . Badron waited for Kren to catch up and headed for the cemetery himself . " No , " Nolafus replied still staring at the tombstone . " We always went shopping together . It was one of those things we planned around my schedule , as something we could do together . I just happened to get called into work that day . I insisted she go . I should have been there , I could have done something . I would have saved her . " " You 're a good sport . " Nolafus said patting Badron 's head , " You 've really stepped up since mom passed . I just wished things were easier . " Badron and Kren stepped away as Nolafus took one last look at the tombstone and memories of how they met flooded back into his brain . It was a normal day in Delwood . Srains were going about their day and Nolafus was hanging out in the alley with a friend . " Hey Nolafus , " A slightly darker green srain called from across the alley . " You got anything going on today ? " " Well that sucks . " Rineon said sitting down on a nearby crate . " Hey , I 'm getting hungry , you want to go down to the store and get some food ? " Nolafus got up and started walking to the entrance to the alley . He rounded the corner where the girl had disappeared and kept walking . He kept walking and searching until he finally caught sight of her . Nolafus caught up to her and tapped her on the shoulder . Nolafus stopped walking and started heading back towards the alley . He found a new spring in his step and his heart was nearly exploding out of delight . Nolafus entered the alley where Rineon was still sitting on the crate throwing a ball against the wall and catching it . Nolafus and Rineon walked a couple blocks down to the local store and went to the snack aisle . Nolafus picked out a couple bags of chips and paid for them at the counter . Rineon followed Nolafus out the door and back to the alley where Rineon lifted his shirt to reveal three bags of chips . They all walked out of the cemetery together and towards the nearest bus stop . The bus was crowded , but Nolafus didn 't mind . There was still one thing that he had to do today . " Tonight , we are having steaks . " Nolafus replied taking the cover off of the plate . " I hope they turn out okay , I don 't really cook them a lot so I don 't know how to make them perfectly . " " Yeah , " Nolafus said recalling his last attempt . " Let 's not focus too hard on last time . I finally made good steaks and that 's what matters . " " I don 't really like talking about it . " Nolafus said leaning back in his chair . " Brings up a lot of bad memories I would rather you not know about . " Nolafus and Badron cleaned up the dishes and wiped off the table . They sat down in the living room and talked . They talked about various things , but nothing specific as Kren played with his toys . Before long they were all getting ready for bed . Badron 's question still bounced around in Nolafus ' skull about his past . Nolafus tried hard to forget about it , but the memories were constantly floating in the back of his mind , waiting for an excuse to come into the spotlight . Before long , Nolafus fell into a troubled sleep . Anyway , on to more relevant matters . Currently , I don 't think you need to worry about not getting enough information across . We definitely get that the lizard creatures are shunned by humans , that these particular ones are firefighters , and that one of them lost his wife . However , currently your exposition is a little clumsy , and it feels a bit like an info dump . You really don 't need to tell us all of this quite yet - it 's okay to leave things shady in the beginning . Also , some of the exposition comes off as a bit weird , in the " As you know , Bob " - sense , if you 've heard of that trope . Essentially , the characters are saying things to each other that they both are aware of , which is kind of strange . Especially in the case of Joe telling the two Srains that they 're fire resistant . You can safely put most of that in the narration , I think . I know this is one of those cases where the writing community keeps saying " show , don 't tell " , but telling is also okay , and what you 're actually doing right now is telling , just indirectly . So , you can leave out the part about the characters talking about being firefighters and simply say they arrive at the fire station , which will show us that they are , indeed , firefighters . You can show the thing about being fire - resistant when they actually go put out a fire , which I assume they are shortly going to do . And , instead of having one of the characters say that humans don 't treat Srains the same way , you can , for instance , tell us that the two characters see some free seats , but there 's a sign forbidding them from sitting on them , or just otherwise letting us know they can 't sit there . These are difficult things - exposition , information , what to tell and what to leave untold . I struggle with stuff like this a lot myself , mostly where I want to tell the readers more than they probably care to know . Here , I think you 're falling prey to the same issue . We don 't need to know this much yet , and we will probably find all of this out in the course of the story itself . So , you can definitely go a bit ligher on the exposition . You 're also suffering from a case of walloftextitis here , but that 's simply a matter of formatting , and could easily have occurred when copypasting your text into the posting window . Currently , your text has hardly any breathing space , and reading it becomes more difficult and tedious . Make sure to separate your paragraphs with two line changes , so that you get an empty line between them . Also , lines are usually contained in their own paragraphs . Let me give you an example : Kolski opened his mouth to say something , but a loud alarm started blaring all throughout the station . Then , matters of grammar . You make some minor comma mistakes , but otherwise the text is quite good . However , you have several odd mistakes in the first paragraph that are in need of correcting . I bolded the odd sentence here . The image I get here is very odd , because for one , the hat is an active agent in this sentence , which makes me think of the hat falling or flinging itself onto the smooth scaly head . Also , since you say " a smooth , scaly head " instead of " his smooth , scaly head " , it comes off as someone else 's head besides the reptilian creature 's . I would suggest revising this a little , maybe rewording it to something else , or at least changing the " a " to " his " to avoid strange images . On that note , this is also a perfect place to give us a bit of a description of our main character . So , he 's reptilian on two legs . Is he humanoid ? What kind of a reptile does he look like ? What color is his skin ? Does he have a tail ? What do his eyes look like ? Why does he wear a suit and a hat ? You pique our interest with a new , strange character , but then make it fairly difficult to imagine him because there 's so little to go on . However , I should note that this is a highly personal thing . I tend to prefer a bit more description than some people , so if you 're of the " leave it up to the reader " - school of writers , you don 't have to describe the character very much . It would be nice to know something , at least , though . You switch tenses here , and while I can see why you 'd do that , it doesn 't work . This should be " hadn 't " . Also , it seems a bit strange that you refer to the main character as a " creature " , because that alienates the reader slightly . But that could , again , be a personal concern , so take it with a grain of salt . Quote : " Thanks , Joe . You always seem to know just what to say . I 'm not sure if I ever thanked you for that , " Nolafus said , a smile coming across his face and his nerves settling down . 2 ) Because we know nothing about Nolafus besides that he 's a reptilian creature , having him suddenly smile is strange . I can 't imagine what a lizard smiling might look like , so the image I had of him in my head was slightly broken by this . That 'll probably be avoided if you give the reader a bit more to go by when imagining the characters . Overall , this seems like a fairly interesting start to a story , though it 's awfully short so it 's difficult to say for sure . I don 't know how long your next chapter is , but if it isn 't horribly long , you could consider merging this one with that to make it a bit more stretched out to capture our attention . Length can be a tricky thing - too long , and people don 't want to pick it up ; too short , and people will set the story down in impatience and move on . This here is just long enough to get me interested , but then it cuts out abruptly just as I start to care . But , again , this is a personal sort of thing , so someone might prefer exactly this length of chapters . Ultimately you should do what you want to do , but I 'm just letting you know what my opinion is if you want to refer to it . I 'll definitely keep reading if you keep posting . Try to pay a bit more attention to commas , which you seem to skip quite often , and spacing , which you currently lack entirely . Story - wise , I don 't have much criticism to offer . I 'll have to read further to know how this is going to work out . But , in general , the setting has me interested , I 'd like to know more about the characters and the world , and especially the origin and nature of the lizard people . Why are they there ? Especially if humans are jerks to them ? So , yes , I 'll definitely be reading more . RE : Alien Poverty I changed just about everything you mentioned and I just want to say thanks . This is the first time I 'm attempting something of this magnitude and I know I have a lot to learn . My biggest weakness I feel right now is showing and descriptions . I don 't have a lot of experience with this kind of work since the only style of writing they teach you in school is essay writing . : / I still don 't quite understand when commas are appropriate so if you could point out exactly where I need them then that would be greatly appreciated . I tried to add them when necessary , but I feel like I missed a lot of spots where they needed to be there . I added more story to the first chapter and tried to describe the main character better . I would post a picture of what the Srains are supposed to look like , but I suck at drawing . Could you understand that the first time I used Srains that I was referring to the species name of the aliens ? I tried to make it obvious with using humans in there as well and I was wondering if that worked . The story is set on Earth in modern times , maybe a little in the past like in the early 2000 's before all these fancy gadgets were invented , but there is one main difference . Aliens have been discovered and some of them have begun living on Earth and have been doing so for a couple generations . They are suffering from racism and poverty ( exactly like how " colored " people used to be treated ) and that is the main conflict of the story hence the title " Alien Poverty " . The story follows the life , for a little bit , of an alien named Nolafus . The book is just supposed to entertain the reader with the story of his life and his struggles against racism . The story ends with . . . ( I 'm not going to reveal THAT ) . RE : Alien Poverty Second chapter is up . Please give it a read and leave some great feedback ! I 'm not sure when the third chapter will be completed with my senior year in high school closing and everything that goes along with it , but I should be on often enough to make edits to this chapter in the meantime . RE : Alien Poverty Third chapter is up ! I also edited the introduction to the second chapter a little . Tell me how the story is so far and how my writing could be improved . RE : Alien Poverty Hah ! Quintuple posting , there 's no rule against that ! Only double posting ! Maybe it 's the fact that it 's currently three o ' clock in the morning where I live , but that sounded a lot funnier in my head . Anyways , the story takes a more serious turn this chapter . It took a surprisingly long time for me to write this out . Writer 's block was behind every sentence , but I finally managed to get my ideas on paper . Special thanks go to An - chan for the idea on where they should go , I feel the chapter has more depth now than it would have otherwise . I had a thought that I ended the chapter a little too early so let me know if you feel the same way . Hope you enjoy the new chapter ! " Hey Nolafus ! " Rineon called out walking towards Nolafus who was sitting on a crate . " We got a new recruit who thinks they 're ready for the big leagues . " Dregar stood up as tall as he could , " I 'm the best . No one can best me in a fight . I 've beaten much bigger guys than you . Just the other day I was ambushed by two guys from your rival gang and by the end I practically had them running . One of them was even crying . I 'm better than you 'll ever be . " Dregar took a few steps back and took a running start at Nolafus . Dregar threw his fist towards Nolafus ' head with all his might . Nolafus quickly moved out of the way and grabbed Dregar 's outstretched arm . Before Dregar had time to react Nolafus spun him around and threw him against the wall . Dregar fell down , but quickly got back up . Dregar screamed as he charged Nolafus . Nolafus grabbed Dregar 's shoulders and fell down with his foot against Dregar 's abdomen propelling Dregar into a pile of trash cans with a loud crash . Dregar stayed laying down in the pile of trash with his head down . Nolafus got back up on his feet and turned towards Dregar . " Don 't come in here talking big and making up stories about how tough you are . In here you can talk all you want , but that doesn 't mean a thing when you get into a real fight . If this were a real fight with our rivals , you 'd be dead right now . Get out of my alley . " Nolafus walked over and sat down on a crate next to the pile of dented trash cans . " Yeah , where do you keep finding these guys ? Now he 's going to go across town and join up with the Justers like all the others . Like they need an even bigger number advantage over us . We 're barely holding onto this neighborhood as it is . " " I guess you 're right . " Rineon remarked leaning forward . " Who runs that gang again ? Oh , that 's right , Juster does ! It 's so easy to remember when he names the gang after himself . We need to change our name from the Black Claw . It 's so cheesy . " " We came up with that in middle school , remember ? " Nolafus said picking up a trash can trying to pop out the dents . " Besides , we couldn 't come up with any better names and this one is stuck now . " " Oh crap , " Nolafus said tossing the trash can aside and leaning forward . " I forgot all about that . I have a date with Anaria tonight . I can 't cancel again , she 'll kill me . " Rineon looked over at Nolafus . " I 'll cover this meeting , go ahead with your date . I 'm sure I won 't screw things up too badly while you 're away . " " Thanks Rineon , you 're a life saver . " Nolafus said leaning back and picking up the trash can . " You know our one year anniversary is next week . " Noolafus looked at the watch on his wrist . " Four forty - five . Just about time for me to leave to pick up Anaria . I 'll see you tomorrow and good luck with the meeting . " Nolafus got up and left the alley pausing at the entrance to wave to Rineon . The evening air was crisp and light as Nolafus walked down a couple blocks to a house with a light green srain waiting on the porch . Nolafus walked up to the srain and took her in a big embrace . Nolafus open the door for Anaria and they both stepped inside . The diner was full of srains laughing over their different conversations being held over classic rock while various waitresses went from table to table writing down orders and taking dishes away . Nolafus lead Anaria to the last empty booth and took a seat . Soon a light green waitress appeared with a nametag that read " Kailery " . " Yeah , I don 't think I 've ever seen this place not filled to the brim . " Nolafus said looking at the crowd himself . " Maybe during closing time . " " Yeah , I know . " Anaria responded . " I remember that one date where both diners were full to the brim and we ended up going back to my place and eating frozen dinners . " The conversation eventually faded and Nolafus and Anaria sat there in silence listening to the classic rock playing overhead . " Hey Nolafus ? " Anaria asked as Nolafus took a drink of root beer . " Do you ever see us getting married ? " " Burgers are here ! " Kailery said setting down two burgers on either side of the table as Nolafus let out a quiet sigh . " Let me know if you need anything else , okay ? " Nolafus and Anaria were walking home when Nolafus walked passed an alley and looked inside . Rineon was standing on a box surrounded by twenty srains . Rineon 's mouth was moving , but Nolafus was too far away to hear what he was saying . Anaria noticed Nolafus had changed his gaze to the alley and looked over herself . Rineon mimicked a gagging motion to which Nolafus promptly punched him in the shoulder . A dark green srain came into view at the entrance to the alley . After a moment , two other srains joined the first on either side and followed him into the alley . Nolafus stood up and nudged Anaria behind him . " What do you want Juster . " " That 's why I have this . " Juster said pulling out a pistol from his pocket and leveling it at Nolafus ' head . " You want a problem solved ? Take it out at the source . " Rineon shifted in his seat . " After the meeting I took a couple guys to mess up their hideout . Oh , and I wouldn 't shoot him if I were you . " Rineon stood up and pointed his pistol at Juster 's head . No one moved , each one calculating their next course of action . Juster turned to take a better look at Rineon when Nolafus ducked and swept his feet out from under him . Juster fell down with a thud , wrapping his tail around one of Rineon 's feet and taking Rineon down with him . The fall had caused both their guns to go sliding away in different directions . Nolafus had picked up a gun and pointed it at the two srains who had accompanied Juster into the alley . Both of them took off running , leaving Juster to fend for himself . Juster had managed to get both of his legs under Rineon and sent him flying into the trash cans nearby . Nolafus turned around to see where Rineon had landed , and when he turned back around , Juster was there , holding a gun . The two of them stood there , each wielding a gun aimed for each other . No one moved a muscle for a full minute . Anaria let out a scream from between a couple of crates . Nolafus looked down at his chest , his eyes flying wide open . However , when Nolafus looked down , not a single bullet hole was to be found . Nolafus looked up , just in time to see Juster , falling down to the ground in a heap . Blood trickling down from a hole in his chest unto the floor of the alley . Nolafus awoke with a start . He was breathing heavily and sat up straight . Nolafus let out a big sigh and laid back down . He brought his knees up under his chin , and wept . " Hello Bristol ! It 's currently six o ' clock on this fine Monday morning . The sky looks clear and it 's expected to stay that way for the rest of the week . Prepare those swimming trunks and hoses , because it is going to be a scorcher today . Coming up is - " Nolafus pressed down on the alarm clock and groaned as he slowly began to crawl out of bed . He trudged over to his dresser and began dressing for the day . The scent of morning coffee hung in the kitchen like a blanket when Badron came walking in with a big yawn . " I didn 't have to get you up this morning . " Nolafus said , pouring himself a cup of coffee . " Well , that means everything will dry out faster . " Nolafus said taking a sip of coffee and leaning back onto the counter . " Hopefully , everyone will have their hoses on and getting everything wet . " The fire truck raced through the city , sirens blaring loudly as cars swerved off to the side of the road . The truck rounded a corner and came screeching to a halt outside a house already engulfed in flames . Various firefighters hopped out of the truck and jumped into action . Nolafus immediately started to control the crowd outside and began moving them back to a safe distance . A firefighter came over to Nolafus and tapped him on the shoulder . The two of them entered the house and it immediately became clear the structure wasn 't going to hold for much longer . Nolafus and Kolski found the stairs and darted up , being careful not to step on the really burnt spots . The path forked off in two different directions . Nolafus was about to run to the left , when he heard a scream coming from his right . He raced down the hallway , the heat burning his scales through his jacket , and burst through a door . A little girl was sitting in a corner crying . Nolafus ran over and scooped up the girl in his arms . He turned around and motioned to Kolski to get out of there . Nolafus was just about to take a step forward when he heard the floor under him start to creak under his weight . Nolafus threw the little girl at Kolski just in time as the boards gave way and Nolafus fell down into the room below . He landed on the oxygen tank strapped to his back with a thud . Nolafus looked up just in time to see board after board falling down after him . The boards landed directly on top of him , one board came directly down on Nolafus 's head . The strike broke open Nolafus ' mask and caused a severe gash right above his left eye . Smoke began to seep through the cracks and into his lungs . His vision began to blur . Nolafus noticed his body was covered with burning boards . He struggled in vain to get the boards off . He could feel his body being burned through the jacket . Blood was spilling into his eye and onto the floor . Nolafus looked around him , he noticed he was in the garage . A car sat to his left , he knew that if the flames managed to reach the car , it was all over . He used every ounce of his draining strength to move the boards . The boards didn 't move , and Nolafus collapsed . When Nolafus opened his eyes , he wasn 't burning , he wasn 't surrounded by fire , and he wasn 't even in a building . Instead , he was floating . Nolafus looked around and he found himself in a sort of void . He remained floating there , looking out at the deep abyss . He tried to remember what he was doing , but tNolafus raised his hand to shield his eyes from the bright light , but it soon died down . Nolafus lowered his hand to reveal a dark hole where the light had been . Rays of light showed the outlined of the dark hole , and Nolafus smiled . The dark hole seemed so inviting , he even thought he could hear music . Nolafus thought about trying to remember the clouded memories , but it just seemed like so much work . Why spend so much effort when it was so easy just to give in ? Nolafus gave up on his thoughts and began to drift towards the hole , he was still a ways away , but he had time . It 's not like anyone was expecting him anywhere . He had no responsibilities and all the time in the world , he could go anywhere , do anything , but right now , all Nolafus wanted to do was go through that hole . He could just simply fall in there . Wait , " fall … " why does that ring a bell ? Nolafus stopped to ponder this thought which had invaded his mind . The thought was just a whisper , but it kept repeating itself . Each time it grew louder and louder , eventually the thought was shouting in his head . Nolafus raised his hands to his head in an effort to drown out the screaming . He winced , he felt pain dart through his entire body . What was happening ? What is this place ? Why am I here ? Nolafus ' eyes flew open . His memory , foggy a second ago , had now began to appear . He had a wife , wait , she died a while ago . Yet he still felt love , and loved . How can this be ? Nolafus remembered two srains , sons ? Yes , definitely sons , one was twelve , the other seven . What were their names ? Badron and Kren , his two sons . Another srain and a human appeared in his thoughts , Kolski and Joe , my friends . Firefighters , they were firefighters . That one word , fall , why did that word feel so real ? Fall , I was falling . Falling from where ? There was a fire , and I was falling . All of Nolafus ' memories came flooding back to him in an instant and he remembered everything . He remembered finding that little girl , he remembered falling through the floor , and he remembered not being able to escape . The void that had once seemed so safe , began to fade , and the hole that once looked so inviting . Nolafus noticed it wasn 't a hole at all , but a mouth . Everything around him seem to melt as he was shot up , into a bright light . Nolafus took a deep breath and immediately started pushing everything off of him . The boards were easier to move for some reason . He shot up and started running through the door . He took off through the hallway where he saw a woman standing there , wearing nothing . She was surrounded by fire and turned away from him , but she didn 't move . In fact , she seemed to be wearing the fire . Her entire body was adorned with a cloak made entirely of flickering energy . Nolafus called out to her , and she turned around . Her first look was one of shock as she walked towards Nolafus and started pushing him back towards the burning garage . Nolafus tried with all his might to escape from her grasp , but it was no use . She wouldn 't let go and despite the struggle Nolafus was putting up , she was able to drag him back into the garage . She lifted up the boards and started to push Nolafus back under them . Nolafus wasn 't able to escape , and not willing to give up the fight , he screamed . Nolafus screamed so loudly and with such intensity , he had to close his eyes and he felt the grip of the woman loosen , and release . When Nolafus opened his eyes , the boards were gone . Nolafus looked down and saw sheets , bed sheets . His eyes darted around the room . The fire was put out . In fact , there didn 't seem to be a fire at all . The woman was still there , but she was wearing something different . She was wearing a nurse 's outfit . She was clamping her hands over her ears like a loud noise had just been plaguing her . Nolafus took another look around the room . The walls were white and the sound of humming could be heard coming from various machines . Plastic tubes extended out from these machines into his wrist . A constant , steady beeping broke the silence as Nolafus looked over to a machine with a light that danced every time the beeping rang out . Pain shot up through his entire body as he tried to get up again . The entire room spun around faster and faster until Nolafus collapsed back unto the bed , and fell asleep . Nolafus awoke to the same room he was in before . The machines were still buzzing , but the room was dark and empty . Nolafus took a look around and saw a window . It was dark outside , and the moon was out . Nolafus looked around for a clock . Nolafus sighed and leaned back in the bed . When he hit the mattress , pain shot up through his body . Nolafus winced and waited for the pain to fade away . He felt like he had this dream , a weird dream . He could see a void , a woman dressed in fire , but nothing else . Nolafus felt like it was more than a dream , but he soon gave up on trying to remember . A streetlight outside of Nolafus ' window shined through the blinds and down on a table . The light bounced off of an object and into Nolafus ' eye . He turned to see what was on it . Nolafus was surprised to see a bouquet of flowers , he was shocked to see the entire table adorned with various cards and gifts . He began to count the people in his head that would send him these things , but no matter how many times he counted , the number of cards seemed to quadruple the number of people Nolafus could think of . He leaned over to try to take a few , but pain shot up through his body . Nolafus winced and was able to swipe one card . He looked at it , but it was too dark to make out any of the words . Nolafus looked around once again and was able to find a lamp within easy reach . He turned it on , and began reading . Thank you for saving my niece . I can 't express in words how grateful I am that you would risk your life , to save another . You are a true inspiration and it 's srains like you that give me hope for the others . I can 't imagine the pain and the suffering you went through , and I do sincerely hope that you wake up one day to read this . Please get better soon . " Wake up one day , what does that mean ? " Nolafus asked to no one in particular . Nolafus looked around for a calendar , but couldn 't find one . " How long have I been out ? " Nolafus ' attention suddenly turned to his kids . He wondered where they were , if they were worried , if they knew he was alright . Nolafus thought about these questions for a long time , but then , he thought about that little girl . " I guess she 's alright . " Nolafus thought , turning his attention back to the card . " I mean , if her uncle wrote that she is . " Nolafus paused and took a deep breath . He cautiously leaned back into the bed and closed his eyes . He couldn 't get mad , the guy probably meant well , but there was no use getting mad . Anger only made things worse . Before long , Nolafus fell into a dreamless sleep . " Calm down ? I 've been out for a month and you want me to calm down ? " Nolafus asked pushing her away . " Where are my kids ? Where have they been living ? For pete 's sake I 've been out for a month ? " Nolafus plopped back down on his bed . For the first time , he noticed a knot in his lower back . It throbbed and emitted waves of pain . Nolafus winced as the doctor came in . " I wouldn 't move much if I were you . " The doctor said as he came over , whipping out a pen and began writing something down on a clipboard . " You 're in pretty bad shape , moving might make it worse . " " I don 't even know how to begin . " Nolafus said , looking at the ceiling . " I mean , it couldn 't have been a month . I wasn 't out for that long , a couple days maybe , but not a month . " The doctor jotted something down on his clipboard , got up , and left the room . Nolafus was left there listening to the hum of the machines and looking at his legs . The sheets clearly showed the outline of two legs , but Nolafus couldn 't feel them . He carefully put his head back down . The nurse thought for a moment . " Well , I wasn 't there personally , but I have heard about it . I think you got out of bed , walked out into the hall , and got a nurse 's attention . Naturally she tried to put you back in your bed , but you were fighting her every step of the way . You were pretty weak , so it was obviously important we get you back in the bed , but right as she was about to pull the covers over you , you screamed . I was working on the floor above you at the time , and even I heard that scream . After that , you passed out . " The nurse looked over at the table , " That 's easy . You 're quite the popular guy . " She said walking over to it . " There 's also these letters under here . " Nolafus ' eyes bulged when he saw two bins under the table completely full . " How is that even possible ? I don 't have that many friends . " " Really , they shared that on the news ? " Nolafus asked , " Can you at least bring the letters over here or something ? It would be nice to have something to do here . " The nurse turned around and walked out of the room before Nolafus could thank her . He looked at the table and bins . He couldn 't believe how much mail he had received . Nolafus picked up card after card and started reading . Nolafus skimmed through each card , until he came across a card using his first name . A friend for sure . I really hope you get better soon . The fire station isn 't the same without you . Looking back on it all , I 'm amazed at your selflessness . You just did something hardly anyone else would do . I 'm not exactly sure what happened , Kolski isn 't telling much , but all I do know is that instead of trying to save the both of you and possibly hurting the little girl , you threw her to safety and took the fall yourself . The doctors are being dumb and won 't let me see you until " you 're in proper condition " , but just letting you know that I 'll be there the first chance I get . Don 't worry about your kids , they 're staying over at Anaria 's parents ' house . We tried to find your parents , but they wouldn 't return our calls . Don 't give up , I 'll see you soon . Nolafus closed the card and set it on the corner of the table . He was glad the kids were safe . Nolafus yawned and rubbed his eyes . He was surprised at how tiring being in pain was . Nolafus closed his eyes , and before long , fell asleep . " Because you are . " The doctor said , " We don 't know how you were able to walk . Before your episode , we ran some tests and concluded that you were paralyzed from the waist down . Later that month , a nurse reported seeing you walk , you were pretty weak , but walking . " " Well , Kolski and I found the little girl upstairs in a room . " Nolafus started . " When I ran over and picked her up , the floor gave way underneath me and I threw the little girl to safety . I crashed into the garage and a bunch of boards landed on me . Nothing landed on my back . " Getting up from the chair , the doctor jotted a few things down on his clipboard , and left the room . Nolafus sat there with only the humming of the machines to break the silence . He looked at his legs , shook his head , and laid back down . He leaned over and picked up a couple cards . Nolafus started reading through them when the door to his room opened . " Joe ? " Nolafus said looking up from the cards . Joe scratched his chin , trying to recall the memories . " Well , let 's see . From my perspective , Kolski was the one that brought the little girl out . He set the little girl down on the porch , told her to run to her parents , and immediately darted back inside . That 's when I knew something was wrong . After a long while , Kolski reappeared carrying you out . Probably not the best thing for your back , but it 's better for your health than dying . Kolski isn 't talking much about it , so that 's pretty much all I know . " " We all came rushing over , luckily the ambulance had arrived by that time , so we didn 't have to wait . I won 't go into too much detail , but let 's just say it didn 't take a doctor to tell you were pretty messed up . " Joe said , grimacing . " Oh , they 're fine . " Joe said , reassuringly . " They were pretty worried at first , but Anaria 's parents took them in and they 've settled down . All they know is that you woke up , and that you 're under stable condition . " " Oh , it 's that one stage of recovery . " Joe remarked . " The victim goes on and on about how they should have known , how they could have prevented it , how they would have done something different . Kind of pathetic really . " " No , well not you directly . " Joe began . " Now one could argue that I called you pathetic indirectly , but they would only be partially correct . " " Man , it 's kind of sad to see you hooked up to so many machines . " Joe said looking around the room . " All these wires and medical stuff . " " Oh , don 't worry about it , you have enough to worry about as is . " Joe said . " Let me take care of the finer points . " " What did I just say ? " Joe said leaning forward . " I have everything under control . Besides , I 'm not going bankrupt . Why would I do that ? " " Well , that 's my queue to leave . " Joe said getting up . " I 'll see you soon Nolafus , don 't worry about a thing . " Joe got up , beamed at the nurse as he walked by , and disappeared beyond the door . The nurse shook her head and started checking up on all of the machines . She turned a few dials , wrote some things down , and refilled a couple sacks with some liquids . Nolafus felt the lure of sleep come over him and decided to close his eyes . Before long , he was fast asleep . When Nolafus awoke , he looked around him . No one was in the room , and he noticed that he had only been asleep for a couple hours . Nolafus shrugged and laid back down . Before he had time to close his eyes again , the knot in his back erupted . Pain was being shot out in torrents and each time the knot throbbed , it grew . Nolafus nearly collapsed , he was too overcome by shock to scream . He looked around him and found a button above his bed with text above reading press for nurse 's assistance . Nolafus winced , and pressed the button . He collapse on his bed , his mouth wide open , gasping for air . Nolafus laid there unable to move . The pain shot through his entire body . A couple minutes passed , or was it a couple hours ? Nolafus couldn 't tell , each second seemed like an eternity . Finally , a nurse opened the door , took one look at Nolafus , and ran off down the hall . The pain rose to even higher levels . After a few seconds , Nolafus blacked out . The young Nolafus looked around the jail cell . Each wall was made of white , dirty bricks with some sort of fungus growing in the cracks . All except for one wall , which was made of metal bars , containing the gate which he had been shoved through . On the wall opposite of the bars , was a sink and a toilet . A couple of beds , one on top of the other , lay against the right wall . Nolafus was sitting on the lower one while the top bed lay empty . Nolafus took a deep breath of the musty air . He could hear the shouts of other juveniles down the hall . He shook his head and laid down on the bed . " Oh man , " Nolafus thought to himself . " What have I done ? " " You have visitors , follow me . " The guard instructed , fumbling with the keys on his belt . Nolafus got up and waited for the guard to unlock the gate . The bars slid open , but the guard stood in the way . " Don 't try anything stupid . " He warned , patting the baton securely fastened to his belt and stepping aside . Nolafus walked into the hallway and continued down with the guard following after . As he walked past the various cells , humans and srains alike tried to reach through the bars and pull him closer to them . Nolafus dodged and weaved along the sea of shouting voices and snaring traps until he passed the last of the cells . Nolafus found himself at a point where the hallway split off into two sections and paused . The guard turned him down the hall to the right and pushed the young srain towards the door at the far end . Nolafus , surprised by the sudden momentum , tripped and fell on the floor . Nolafus slowly got on his feet and started to make his way towards the door once again . The guard , once they reached the door , punched in a code and opened it . Nolafus was led inside and into a booth , where his parents were there to meet him on the other side of the glass . Nolafus sat down in the chair and picked up a phone that hung on the wall . His mom did the same with another phone on the other side of the glass . Nolafus ' dad took a deep breath and banged his fist against the wall . " You need to learn some respect boy ! Every time you do something stupid , we 've had to bail you out . Then you say to us how you 're going to change and leave that stupid gang of yours , but you never do . A couple months later and you 're back in here . You 're an embarrassment to our family and this time , you 're going to stay . You 're going to think about what you 've done . " " Oh , I get it . " Nolafus said leaning back in his chair . " You 're making me think that you aren 't going to bail me out to teach me a lesson , but you are . " Nolafus ' dad shouted through the phone . " You just killed another srain damn it ! Don 't you even care ! You should just be thankful they decided not to try you as an adult ! You know what ? I hope you rot in here ! When they release you when you 're eighteen , don 't think of coming back home . There won 't be a family to wait for you . You 're on your own . You aren 't my son . Guards came rushing towards Nolafus and dragged him away from the window . Nolafus tried to wriggle out from under the tangled mess of arms , but it was no use . He continued to struggle and fight until a guard grabbed his bottle of pepper spray . Nolafus screamed as the burning liquid made contact with his eyes . The guards wrestled him back into his cell and closed the gate . Nolafus threw himself down on his bed and punched the wall . Nolafus looked over at the sink and walked over to it . He turned the knob and the water came pouring out . The water fell into the srain 's cupped hands and then up to his face . Nolafus tried rubbing the pepper spray away with the water , but it was of little use . He looked up at a mirror above the sink . It had been smashed by an apparently disgruntled inmate who was sick of looking at himself . When Nolafus looked into it , he was taken aback . Through the cracks , Nolafus saw a srain , but it wasn 't him . This srain had bloodshot eyes and a mouth that seemed to form a permanent frown . The srain in the mirror , Nolafus thought , looked like a murderer . It looked like it belonged in here . Nolafus punched the mirror causing it to shatter into a million pieces . Nolafus screamed as shards were sent into his hand . He took a couple steps back and tripped over the corner of the beds , causing him to fall back and smash his head on the concrete floor . When Nolafus awoke , he found that he wasn 't in his cell . He was still in the prison because of the guards standing by the door of this room , but he wasn 't sure where . A human wheeled his way over to the bed Nolafus laid in . This human was wearing a white lab coat and a surgical face mask , but removed the mask when he neared the bed . " Look who finally woke up . " The doctor said , smiling . " Well , when the guards found you , you were out cold on the floor of your cell in a pool of blood . " The doctor said , reaching a hand forward . " Hold up , don 't pick at that bandage there . " " Smart . " The doctor said wheeling over to a counter and picking up a container full of pills . " You will be given two of these pills three times a day , two at breakfast , lunch , and dinner . " " Well , " The doctor said placing the pills back on the counter . " We 've had problems before with inmates , umm … misusing them in the past , so we hand them out now . If you 'll excuse me , I have to treat somebody that decided to pick a fight with the wrong karate master . " The doctor stood up and walked over to a human that had casts on both his arms and on one of his legs . Nolafus laid his head down and tried to fall asleep . Despite being here at the prison several times before , he had never been in the infirmary before . He always had his parents bail him out before anything happened . Nolafus sat up at the thought of his parents . " They can 't just leave me here , I 'm their son for crying out loud . " He thought to himself . The young srain felt anger rising throughout his body , " They can 't do this to me , they don 't understand . They never understand . " Something inside Nolafus ' head snapped and waved of pain cascaded down from his head over his entire body . He screamed out in pain and fell back onto the bed . The doctor came rushing over and grabbed a couple of pills . Nolafus grabbed the pills and downed them in a heartbeat . He laid there cradling his head in his arms for what seemed like an eternity before the pain started to subside . The srain lifted his head and called over the doctor . " You 're going to be suffering from some pretty bad migraines for a while , but that one seemed really bad . " The doctor said . " Did you get emotionally worked up or something ? " " Well then , looks like we have some anger issues to work out . " The doctor said walking over to the counter and picking up a slip of paper . " Do you want to see someone about that ? " Nolafus was back in his cell . The young srain laid on his bed , staring up into space . There was a bandage on his hand , but it had stopped hurting a while ago . His head was still wrapped , but the headaches were starting to dissipate . The doctor said that he was healing remarkably fast , even for a srain . In fact , Nolafus was expected to make a full recovery without as much as a headache to bother him . There was a tapping on the bars attached to his cell . Nolafus got up and turned down the hall . The hands reached through the bars and tried to ensnare Nolafus with their grip . One managed to grab a hold of Nolafus ' jumpsuit , but the guard swiftly whacked the hand with his baton . A loud crack bounced through the hall followed by a scream of pain as the prisoner reeled his broken hand back through the bars . The guard led him into the visitors ' room once again . He sat down at the booth and stared through the glass to see Anaria on the other side . Nolafus sighed and looked down . He could feel the guilt inside of him rise each time Anaria asked the question . " I don 't know . " " That doesn 't answer my question . " Anaria said , tears visibly coming into her eyes . " I don 't know ! " Nolafus shouted , his emotions came pouring out , like a dam that held too much water . " I don 't know ! I never meant to do it ! It just happened , I never meant to do it ! I don 't know why I did it , I just did ! I don 't know ! I don 't know ! " Nolafus plopped his head in his arms on the table in front of him , sobbing . " Nolafus , " Anaria cried through the phone , " I don 't know what possessed you to think all your problem would simply disappear if you shot someone . I don 't know what made you pull that trigger , but there is one thing I do know . And the one thing I do know is that still love you . As crazy as that sounds , it 's true . I tried to hate you , but I can 't . We 'll get through this together . Once you get out , we 'll go away . I don 't know where , but we will . Nolafus , I still love you . " Nolafus ' eyes flew open . He shot up and looked at his surroundings . The familiar hum of the various machines and the beep … beep … beep … of the heart - rate monitor filled his head . He gaze locked on the table and the stack of unread cards on top of it . Nolafus took a deep breath and let out a big sigh . Nolafus laid back down on the bed and glanced out of the window . A bird had landed on the window sill and was looking back and forth towards some activity not visible from this angle . The bird flew off to explore the outside world leaving Nolafus behind . Some sunlight had managed to sneak in through the panes and splashed itself onto the floor . Nolafus raised his hand into the beams , feeling the warmth . " Surgery ! " Nolafus exclaimed , dropping his hand and facing the doctor , " You mean I already went through surgery ! I dozed off for a couple minutes and I go through surgery ! " The doctor extended a hand out towards Nolafus . " Calm down , the surgery was a success and there 's nothing to be afraid of . Don 't you remember anything right before you blacked out ? " " If you 're feeling up to it , I don 't see why not . " The doctor responded standing up . " Now if you 'll excuse me , I have some other patients to check up on . " The doctor jotted a few things down on his clipboard and left . Nolafus was all alone in the room once again . He let his thoughts travel to the outside world and what might lay beyond . The srain tried to position himself so that he could see out the window a little better , but it was to no avail . Nolafus shook his head and laid back on the bed . He was sick of the room and everything in it . He wasn 't meant to be cooped up like this . Nolafus wanted to go outside and smell the fresh air , feel the warm sunlight on his entire body , not just on his hand through the window . He leaned over and picked up a couple cards from the table . Nolafus skimmed through the notes and pictures , most of them were just drawings done by some kids who wanted to write a letter to the latest super hero , and flung them back onto the table with the others . Before long , the srain had fallen asleep , only to be awoken by the sound of a closing door . " Joe ? " Nolafus asked , " What are you doing here ? " Joe quickly stood up and walked out the door without a word . Nolafus laid there puzzled for a couple minutes . Joe finally came back through the door , grinning , and with a wheelchair . Nolafus rolled his eyes and chuckled , " Sure , whatever floats your boat . Now bring that thing over to me so I can get in . The faster I can get out of this room , the better . " Joe pushed the wheelchair over next to the bed . Nolafus pushed the covers off of him and tried sliding into the chair . The srain reached out an arm to steady to wheelchair , when he applied a little too much pressure , causing it to shoot away from the bed and into a wall . Nolafus pushed the wheelchair through the doorway and into the hall . " I 'm not exactly sure where to go . " Nolafus said , looking down the hall on each side . Nolafus and Joe came into the main lobby of the hospital . Doctors and nurses were running around everywhere taking care of patients and helping people just coming inside . " Wait , am I even allowed to be out here ? " Nolafus asked , looking around him . " I don 't know if I want to go outside in the hospital gown . That 's a little embarrassing , don 't you think ? " Nolafus commented , looking down at what he was wearing . " Oh , we 're not going outside that way . " Joe said , pushing Nolafus across the lobby . " The hospital has their own garden , flower , thing that they have for patients . " Joe stopped outside a glass door . Nolafus could see rows and rows of flowers on the other side with the sun casting its warmth across the garden . There were a few other patients already exploring around the space , some with various people Nolafus could only assume were visiting friends and family while others were all by themselves . Nolafus reached for the door handle when Joe yanked back the wheelchair . " Oh , family will always be there , " Joe started , " You want to know who won 't always be there ? Chief Baker , and look who 's standing right over there . You should talk to him , he probably has something really nice to say to you . " " I 've been thinking of hiring someone to help me with my paperwork recently , and word got out . " The chief began . " When Joe and Kolski found out , they kept pestering me to offer a certain someone who had just gone through surgery the job . Eventually they got entire firehouse got involved with it , and now I 'm here . " " Don 't thank me , thank those two lunatics . " Chief Baker scoffed as he pointed to Joe and Kolski across the room who were now shooting a thumbs up over at Nolafus . " Now if you excuse me , I have some work I have to do today . " Nolafus nodded and went back to where his kids were . The srain still felt trapped in the small room , but he felt better now that he could see visitors . The next few months went passed and Nolafus finally checked himself out of the hospital . Joe continued pushing Nolafus down the concrete path away from the hospital . Despite the sun being high in the sky , a wind sent a shiver up Nolafus ' spine . He pulled his clothes tighter around him , hoping to block out the cold . The temperature had been dropping for a couple months , not that Nolafus would have noticed . He was too busy in the hospital to go outside much . Which made this moment all the sweeter . Nolafus took a big gulp of air and smiled . It felt good to finally be out . No more doctors pestering you with questions , or lying in the same room day after day . A few news reporters stopped by his room a couple months ago to do some sort of follow - up story , but there were none today . Not that Nolafus minded , he was never really one for the spotlight . The two reached the compact car and Joe swung open the passenger door for Nolafus . Nolafus hoisted himself into the seat while Joe compacted the wheelchair down and put it in the trunk . Joe hopped in the driver 's seat , started the car , and before long , was driving through the crowded streets of downtown . Nolafus shifted quietly in his seat . The car continued down the road , turning off into Nolafus ' neighborhood . Nolafus eyes widened as they neared his house . Outside waiting for him was Kolski , Badron , and Kren , all standing in front of a new , wooden ramp that looked a little out of place in front of the old house . Joe quickly hopped out and fetched Nolafus ' wheelchair out of the trunk . Once he got situated , Nolafus wheeled forward and greeted everyone . " Okay , hold on a second , " Nolafus said , turning towards Joe . " How much are you spending on me ? First there was the surgery , then there was the hospital bill , and now the lumber ? How much debt am I putting you in ? " Joe laughed , " Okay , okay . I guess I do owe you an explanation , don 't I ? Well , my wife is a lawyer , and she recently got a string of high profile cases , so we had a lot of money lying around . I managed to convince her to let us pay for your expenses , which was not easy considering she argues for a living by the way , and that 's that . We 're not broke , so you can take that off your mind . " " I don 't like talking about our financial situation , " Joe responded . " But this isn 't about me . This is about you finally being home . " Nolafus smiled and turned back towards the house . The ramp was sturdy , and held firm when Nolafus wheeled up it and to the door . Right as Nolafus opened the door , Kolski stuck his hand out , preventing Nolafus ' entry . Nolafus entered the house and did what he was told . When he entered the kitchen , Nolafus looked around for a minute . Nothing seemed too out of place . It took Nolafus a second , but he realized what was changed . A couple hours later , and the newly renovated kitchen was alive . Joe stood over the stovetops , heating up a pot full of water , while Kolski chopped up some carrots for a salad . Nolafus , given strict instructions to stay out of the kitchen , was in the living room , playing with his kids . The father was about to assist Kren 's rampage through the town that had just been built in the middle of the living room , when a knock came at the front door . Nolafus wheeled his way over and opened the door . Nolafus wheeled himself out onto the porch and closed the door behind him . He swallowed and adjusted his seating . The father felt his palms start to sweat as Susan finished tidying up her hair . The camera man handed her a microphone and hoisted the camera up to his shoulder again . Susan cleared her throat and nodded at the camera , to which the guy responded by pressing a button and a red light flickered on . " Hello , I 'm Susan Boyle , and I 'm standing here with a local hero . You heard from channel four news first about a fire that completely engulfed a suburban home that left a poor , young girl stranded on the second floor . You also heard about a brave soul that took on those flames and saved the little girl from harm , but wasn 't so lucky himself . After six , long months , the brave firefighter is finally home , out of the hospital , and ready for his first interview . Mr . Simolsen , everyone wants to know , what was going through your head ? " Nolafus swallowed , " I , uhh … my partner and I were told that there was a girl inside the house , on the second floor . When we rushed up to the door and opened it , the wave of heat made up stagger . It probably wasn 't the smartest idea to head inside , but we decided to risk it anyway . We found the little girl pretty quickly , huddled in a corner of a room . When I ran over and picked her up , I could feel the ground underneath me start to move . Looking back , I probably should have ran , but I threw the girl instead to my partner just as I was falling . That 's pretty much all I can remember . " " I had broken my back and received a concussion . The concussion is all fine now , but I remain paralyzed from the waist down . " Nolafus said , gesturing to his wheelchair . Nolafus looked around him for a second . " Are you serious ? Of course it was worth it . Would I have rather sustained no injuries ? Of course I would have , but better me than the girl . " " Such a passionate answer , " Susan commented . " And there we have it , answers from the hero himself . Just remember you saw it first on Channel Four News . " The camera man flicked a switch and the red light turned off . He gave a nod and lowered the camera from his shoulders and opened up a bag . Susan smiled at Nolafus . " We should have it all ready by eleven o ' clock ! I just know the viewers are going to love you . It 's always nice to have good stories about srains . " Susan shook her head , " Oh , don 't act like you 're surprised . With how much gang activity we have going on , it 's no wonder people don 't like you . But I just know that our viewers are going to change their mind about you ! You 're one of the few good ones around here . " Nolafus watched as the two packed everything into their van and took off down the dusty street . The father let out a deep sigh and went back into the house . Warm smells greeted him as Kolski and Joe set the table . Kolski looked up after setting down a bowl of salad . " Who was at the door ? " Nolafus shook his head . " Oh , just some reporters wanting an interview . You know , you think you make so much progress , only to have one person come by and prove that you haven 't done squat . " Nolafus nodded and wheeled himself over to the table . Badron and Kren were both already sitting down , looking at the feast before them . All across the table lay plates and bowls of mashed potatoes , fruit salad , steak , and an assortment of vegetables . Badron quietly pushed a bowl of green beans away from his side of the table as Joe passed out plates to everyone . " So , what happened while I was away ? " Nolafus asked once everyone had settled down and began eating . " Okay , that 's enough , " Badron interrupted . " It was weird living with Grandma and Grandpa . Since they lived outside our school 's county , we had a special arrangement with the school so that we wouldn 't fall behind . " " Since Grandpa used to be a teacher , the school just sent him everything we needed . It took a while for Grandma to convince the school , and Grandpa , to do it , but they eventually agreed . " Badron responded . The dinner continued on , even as the sunlight drifting through the windows faded to black . Everyone was exchanging various stories from the past few months , and even a few ones they have all heard hundreds of times before . The food on the table slowly dwindled down as the group filled their plates with seconds and thirds . Nolafus had to force Badron and Kren to eat the green beans , to which the two protested , but that was soon behind them . Once the food was gone , and the conversation died down , Joe stood up and began clearing the table . Nolafus picked up an empty bowl , but Kolski promptly took it from his hands . " C ' mon , there has to be one thing I can do . " Nolafus argued . " If you 're going to put up this much of a fight , then can you take out the trash ? " Joe asked , waving his hand in front of his nose . " It 's full and really starting to stink . " Nolafus wheeled over to the trash can and plucked out the bag . He threw it over his shoulder , which nearly made him fall backwards . After some adjustment , Nolafus wheeled over to the door and opened it . After wheeling through and closing the door behind him , Nolafus looked up . The stars spilled across the sky , filling the black canvas with white lights . I wonder which star my grand - parents called their sun , Nolafus thought . Nolafus continued looking up at the sky as he wheeled down the ramp . He could only imagine the journey his grandparents must have traveled to even get here . And what they saw here that made them want to stay . Nolafus ' thoughts were interrupted when he reached the trash cans . He lifted up the lid , plopped in the bag , and turned around . Nolafus froze . He focused on the shadow that shrouded the side of the house in darkness . He could have sworn something moved . He wheeled farther down the sidewalk in an attempt to see better , squinting his eyes as well . A cat burst forth from the shadows and ran down the street . Nolafus chuckled at the event and at how easily he was scared . He turned around and wheeled himself up the ramp . When Nolafus was about halfway up , an unseen force grabbed the back of his wheelchair and threw him down the ramp . Nolafus skidded and crashed onto the sidewalk , sending his wheelchair flying out of reach . A figure emerged from under the ramp and slowly walked over to the father . Nolafus looked at his attacker , hoping to identify the assaulter . A scaled muzzle protruded from the hood of the culprit 's jacket , and a tail swished behind his legs . Nolafus opened his mouth to yell out for help , when the attacking srain pulled out his hand from the hoodie 's pocket , revealing a pistol . He was right . Nolafus thought about what would happen if he did manage to reach it . What would he do ? All he could do was lay there on the sidewalk . The hooded srain laughed . " Oh , you don 't know me , but I know you , Nolafus Simolson , the tragic hero . Did you enjoy the attention from the news ? They made you look like a hero . But I know , and you know , that 's not true . In fact , some might even call you a murderer . " " Oh , you do remember ? I wasn 't sure after I saw you on the news . You seemed like you were so happy with yourself for saving that little girl , but we both know that you don 't save everyone . " " After you shot him ! Damn you ! No , I 'm not Juster , I 'm his father . The father that received the worst phone call any parent could receive , and then watched as his son 's murderer got off with little more than a slap on the wrist . You should have rotted in jail for the rest of your life ! " Juster 's father smiled . " Oh , that 's an easy question to answer . At first , I was just going to kill you , but when I saw the city lift you up on a pedestal like you were some sort of hero , I couldn 't let you off that easy . No , you needed to find out what true suffering felt like . You want to know what I 'm going to do ? I 'm going to leave you here , helpless as I go inside your house and make you go through the exact pain I did when I lost my son . Except , you 're going to feel the pain of losing two sons . And just so you don 't get any ideas … " The hooded srain pulled out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket , and smiled . He took a step towards Nolafus , when something struck the srain . Kolski stood where Juster 's father had a second before , as the hooded srain went tumbling into the street . Juster 's father lifted himself to all fours and looked up . A pair of headlights came thundering down the street , right at him . Juster 's father screamed and put his arms in front of his face . Nolafus lunged forward , took a hold of the attacker 's tail , and yanked as hard as he could . The car went screaming by , narrowly missing Juster 's father 's head , and continued down the street . Nolafus took a sigh of relief . Juster 's father slowly put his arms down and looked around . Nolafus sighed , " Look , I know this probably doesn 't mean anything , but I 'm sorry . I don 't know what it feels like to lose one of your own children , and I hope I never do . One feeling I do know is the feeling of being haunted . I 'm haunted by that day I killed your son . For years , I would wake up every night , panting and crying over what I had did . Even today , I still have to relive that day in my dreams at least once a week . There isn 't a day that goes by that I think about what I did . Every day , I wish I could take it all back so much that it aches . Do you want to know why I became a firefighter ? I became one because I thought that if I saved as many people as I possibly could , the pain would go away . It didn 't . I didn 't ask for the news coverage , it just happened . Do I feel like a hero ? No , I don 't , and I never will . Once again , I can 't imagine what you must have gone through , but just know that I 'm sorry with every fiber of my being . It doesn 't do anything , but I 'm sorry , and that 's all I can really say . " " And there 's no way you 're leaving , so just stay on the ground . " Kolski added as he walked over and grabbed Nolafus ' wheelchair . Juster 's father sighed and rolled over onto his stomach . Kolski helped Nolafus back into his wheelchair . Once Nolafus was settled , the father turned around to see Badron standing at the base of the ramp . Nolafus wheeled over and wrapped Badron in a huge embrace . " Yeah , that 's why , " Nolafus answered . Badron took a step back , and the two of them went inside the house . Nolafus didn 't want to see the police come . He never really liked them . All he wanted to do was head inside and spend time with his kids . He never wanted to waste another moment . Now that it 's all over , I 'm very much relieved . As many of you know , this was my very first writing project that I took seriously . Looking back , I probably should have started off with a short story , but oh well . I know I have a lot to learn , but I 'm proud of myself for finishing an idea . I 've ditched two other chaptered story ideas , so it feels good to have one that 's completed . Not to mention I can finally start working on other ideas I have ! Is this my strongest work ? Not even close , you should go check out some of my short stories for that , but that 's not the point . I learned a lot writing this out , like how keeping to a theme is nearly impossible . Alien Poverty got really off track of what I originally planned it to be . In case you were wondering how far off track it got , Nolafus was never supposed to go to the hospital , he was supposed to go to jail instead . So , with that in mind , I really didn 't have a plan for this past chapter seven . In fact , the reason this is so short is that I just wanted to end it before it got even more off track . So , I tried my best to do with what I had created . |
Mum of 2 , suffering my own mental health issues , I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions . At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own . She is now 16 . I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come . Emily has made enormous steps forward . From the start of the new term she has been back full time . There have been ups and downs , but I remind myself that all teens have these regardless . In a few short weeks her confidence has grown . She will now speak in class , join in discussions and has put her name forward to be an anti bullying ambassador . She is showing a high standard of work again and is receiving good marks . I am so very proud of her and I think she is of herself . For me , life goes on . I am currently supporting an 18 year old at work who has comlex mental health problems . When others don 't know how to handle mental illness , they turn to me and I can not let them down . This , however , does impact on my own wellbeing . Its my own fault , I have taken on too much . Work , my family , supporting others in need and now by joining the committee for a charity I hold dear to my heart . I sit doing work from home and all around me there is overdue housework screaming at me . When I look back I see a long road . It twists and turns with mountains and deep ravines . Some trials we could see on the horizon , others were thrown in our path just in front of us . Many , many times the obstacles have looked so huge it seemed they would forever be in our way . Sometimes they have come one after the other so quickly , we hardly had time to catch our breath . It has been exhausting . At times Emily and I have hated each other . Two people hurting deeply , not always able to help the other but despite this we found our way . We learned to say sorry , we learned when to talk and when to stay silent , when to laugh and when to be serious . But most of all we learnt about each other . We are now close to the top of one such mountain . Emily will do her first full week at school next week to prepare for the next term . She is excited and frightened , just like a normal teenager . But Emily will always be far from a normal teenager . Yesterday she found a diary she wrote during her darkest times . She laughed about how ridiculous some of her comments were . She can not understand being in that place now . A blessing maybe , for I can remember everything . It seems an age since I last wrote . You may think that my lack of blogging is down to life being on the up . It isn 't . I have been despondent really , I am fighting my way through every day . I have little strength left . Emily has done so well , she is now attending mainstream school 3 mornings per week . This is a huge acheivement and I am very proud of her . Despite these acheivements there are always set backs and my inner demons gnaw at me . Sometimes the responsibility of going to work , running a home and being mum to 2 teenagers is more than I can bear . There is no downtime , no off switch , no time off . The kids seem to need me constantly and there is always a part of me that dreads this . I do not have a magic wand , I can not fix the world around them . I did at least speak to Emily 's father . I actually told him things face to face . I had to , I needed him to take some responsibility and I also needed to stop hiding and stop resenting . There is enough poison in my head without him in there too . He does at least help with the midday school runs when I 'm at work . We will always be poles apart and our roles very different but at least we can be civil again . Very often I wonder if I would still be here if I had never had children . They are the only reason I am still dragging myself through this pitiful excuse for a life . I feel like I should be punished for wanting to give my life away when there are those out there who are ill and are fighting tooth and nail to hold on to their last breath . Those who have gone through terrible situations and hardship . I have faced none of that , pathetic really . It 's the school holidays and I am in York . We were here last August . I say we , but there were only three of us . At that time Emily was a resident in the mental health unit . She could have come with us but she couldn 't , she was too ill . I remember that holiday . We were only here for 3 days and crammed in as much as possible for the benefit of my boy . I bought annual tickets for the various attractions , which would admit 4 for the whole year . I told my son , who missed his sister , that the tickets were proof that Emily would return with us the following year . I said it , but I didn 't actually believe it . Last weekend I was ill , as in could barely walk . When it came to Monday , the day to get to the train station , I sat in my living room and sobbed . I cried because ; I was tired , I felt ill , I was leaving my beloved animals but more so because , this time , Emily was coming with us . I just felt spent . It 's not been easy on holiday . Emily switches into stroppy teen quite easily and it is difficult maintaining boundaries without squashing independence . At times she looks vulnerable and a moment later she is off out of sight . Managing her needs with everyone else 's is exhausting . I am still feeling unwell and I will be glad to be home . In the back of my mind I also remember that the first major signs of her illness manifested over Easter last year . Again that brings tears to my eyes . The year has been a very long one and yes , on the surface , it seems we have come a long way . In reality , the journey has only just got started . There have been a few times when I 've wanted to write a letter to my ex . I even came close to sending an email once . To be honest , it was filled with ranting and venom . Maybe what I felt , but as he considers me unbalanced and ridiculous , it would have only fueled the fire . And so , we met at work . I had just split up with my fiance and had to pull out of buying a house . Outwardly I displayed confidence and loved a laugh and a joke . In private I cried . I had come so close to leaving home and becoming my own person I couldn 't let it go . I found a cheap flat for sale and went for it . You flirted with me all the time . Married and 17 years older than me I wasn 't really sure how I should respond . I thought it was a bit of office banter . I did like you , you made me laugh and work was a fun place to be . One day you asked to meet me after work . My internal alarm bells were screaming , but I didn 't like to offend you by saying no . How ridiculous does that sound ? I should have said no . I knew it then , I know it now , but I just couldn 't say it . That night you kissed me and I didn 't know what to do . You offered to come and help do jobs in my flat . It was in a bad state of repair and I did need help , but I should again have said no . There was only ever going to be one outcome to this . It was a car crash waiting to happen . You told me how you were unhappy at home and I could genuinely see this was true . It wasn 't long before sex came into the mix . All the time I knew this was wrong , but I didn 't know what to do or how to stop it . You seemed to really care about me . I couldn 't hurt you by turning you away . What else could I do ? My weakness had brought us to this place . I literally thought to myself ' I 've made my bed , I need to lie in it ' I let you in , along with panic and fear . In the months after we followed a frightening and very bumpy road . I feared every knock on the door and every letter the postman brought . A venomous wife , solicitors threats and disappointed families . Just writing this brings back the knot in my stomach and the tears to my eyes . Is there any wonder my mental health problems worsened ? I was so scared , I felt sick all the time . You cared about me , I think , and I cared about you . This mess was of my making and so it continued . Was I in love ? At the time I presumed I must be . So when you said it to me , I said it back . I guessed this was what it was about . Looking back I knew it still wasn 't right . I couldn 't watch romantic films or read happy relationship stories . Why ? Because they weren 't real . No one felt like that did they ? If I had accepted that it was possible to feel so much for anyone , I would have to admit that I was unhappy and living a lie . The years progressed . We bought a house and I suggested we got married . To me , it seemed the right thing to do , the expected thing . I don 't remember much of that day , but I do remember crying and I do remember making an excuse not to be intimate . On that day and the days leading up to it the alarm bells rang again , they were muffled because I couldn 't face the implications , but they were there all the same . I wonder , did you hear them too ? I just kept thinking , this was obviously my life so get on with it . The years moved on and produced two wonderful children . With the children came a worsening of my mental health . You did try to help me , but you tired of it . You are firmly from the ' pull yourself together ' brigade . If I made you unhappy I am truly sorry . You could be cruel and thoughtless at times and you had no understanding of the hold my illness had on me . But think back on what I 've written , is there any wonder my health suffered ? Do we not both need to accept some responsibility here ? I was unknowingly living a lie , were you ? You made me feel a failure for being ill . I didn 't need your help with this , I could beat myself up all on my own . Daily life was up and down . Arguments and tears , sometimes you took your frustrations with me out on the kids . Or that 's what I thought you were doing . I 've seen you hit my daughter so hard across her face that she was thrown off her feet . She was probably around 6 at the time . you shouted so loud at our even younger son , his eyes had the look of a frightened animal . I could never forgive these actions , but I do accept the blame . As you know , I met the man I 'm now with , over the internet . Despite what you might think it was innocent . We both moderated forums and all the moderators chatted on MSN . I needed friends to talk to , people , male and female , who didn 't know my history , people who knew only what I told them . My online friendships grew and it wasn 't long before we talked about our lives . My new friends listened to me , but more importantly they comforted me in a way you never could . One man in particular , ' A ' stood out . His comments were funny but caring at the same time . He was easy to talk to and , as he lived outside the UK it seemed safe . We worked together on quizzes for the forum and it was fun . You didn 't like the time I spent online . You had always been possessive and stifling , I guess you felt out of the loop . The atmosphere at home got worse and as it did I turned more and more to my online life . A was always there in the evenings and it wasn 't long before I started talking about my situation . The more we talked the more I was drawn to this caring man . We had never met but it showed me something . It showed me I could feel something . Something more than pain and unhappiness . You blamed A for breaking our marriage , but it was broken before it started . Do you not see it ? I admit I did start to feel something for this man I 'd never met , it made me realise that there was more to this life than making do . He gave me the strength to look inside myself and do what I should have done 12 years before . I said no , no more . I 'm pretty sure I was making you unhappy , would you really have wanted that to continue ? Was your fear of being alone worse than the misery of being locked in a shell of a marriage ? I did want to meet A , when I was free to , but I wasn 't lurching from one man straight to another . How could I not want to eventually meet someone who had offered me something I felt I 'd never had ? I 'm not talking about love or sex , I 'm talking about a deep understanding of me , someone who had an amazing ability to make me feel better and give me hope when my life was in ruins . Can you understand that ? You couldn 't at the time . I guess your head was full of emotions and thinking about things logically didn 't figure . I couldn 't make you understand that it wasn 't about him , it was about me finally admitting what I 'd known all along . In the end I called your bluff , if that was what I needed to prove we were through . A agreed to fly over . The confidence he showed behind the pc was missing when I met him at the airport . He was a very shy and nervous man . I did not fall instantly in love with him and I had no idea where the friendship would go , but I knew it would not change my need to be apart from you . Despite your protests and plea 's about our marriage it took only a couple of weeks for you to move on with another woman . While I moved out and rented with the kids , she pretty much set up home in my house . I didn 't mind you moving on , but it was too quick and her spending so much time in my house was wrong . You even introduced her to our children before I knew you were seeing her . That was just nasty . Since we split I have always tried to be fair . We shared our assets straight down the middle , we did our own divorce . You moved on with your life and bought a new house . I had to buy you out of the old house to get us out of a fix . I didn 't want to come back here . I hate looking at the legacy you have left me , dodgy extensions and bad DIY . But you don 't care do you ? You were able to take the money and run . I 've lost count of the number of nights I 've sat comforting your crying children . You 'd caused those tears with selfishness and unkind words and acts . You put yourself and your new wife before your children and that will never be right . When A and I decided to move in together , I made it quite clear that the children will always be my priority . He accepts that . I have made so many excuses for you to those children , reassuring them that you do love them etc etc . What have you done for me ? I understand you laugh about me to your wife , suggest I am a bad mother , say that I don 't feed them properly . When you had no job , I took no money from you for the children . Now you pay very little still and I let that happen because we can manage and I wouldn 't want to cause you hardship . What do you do for me ? You go on holiday every few months and brag about it . You don 't take the kids though , you don 't want them do you ? You don 't even consider them , because you do whatever pleases you whenever you want . But you can , because you have me here taking care of our children . I keep quiet , I will not use them to score points . I will not force them to come to your house so we can have a break . But the injustice eats away at me . When you got married you decided to do it at Gretna Green and asked me if the kids would mind not being there . Your daughters biggest wish at the time was to be a bridesmaid . It 's a no brainer really . You told me , as you were off on two weeks honeymoon straight away , if the kids wanted to go , I would have to take them . Words can not express how angry this made me . I took the kids and we had to stop over night too . I made a point of being at the ceremony , as you 'd said I could be . To be honest the only reason I did it was to make you both feel as uncomfortable as possible . Petty and childish I know , but you should be able to relate to that ? I had no choice but to bring them , how would they feel not being there ? When I got married last year , I was going to invite you out of duty to my children . I certainly didn 't want you there picking fault with everything , your favourite pass time , but there I was again , trying to do the right thing . You didn 't even open the invitation , you left it behind , saying you were going on holiday . You never asked who would look after the kids on my wedding night , or who was having them while we had a honeymoon . You didn 't care . I think this was the pivotal point in our relationship . My poor mum had the kids as usual and due to Emily 's illness we just spent 2 nights in a local hotel . And now we come on to Emily herself . Where were you when the bullying started ? Throughout Emily 's illness we have had to stay strong . There have been so many times I thought we wouldn 't make it . But we are inspite of your selfishness . You think I 've exaggerated Emily 's situation . You 've ignored me and gone behind my back , only to have the story confirmed by professionals . You think I 'm neurotic and something to be pitied . I now need to realise that your opinions do not matter . You think I 'm turning the kids against you the reality is they now see you for what you are as I no longer make excuses for you . You think I 'm a bad mother ? I 'm not perfect , but tell me , what would have happened if I wasn 't here ? So why have I written this ? Because for so long I have stayed silent so I don 't upset the kids , but in the process the hurt and resentment has built into a monster . Better pray I never unleash it Posted by Emily still has her down days , but I feel these are finally beginning to reduce . She has managed to detach herself from the Unit and is slowly starting to build confidence in ' normal ' life . Her school visits are still limited to 1 lesson a day on 3 separate days , so there is a long way to go and a lot of catching up to do , but it is progress . These may seem like small things , but not to us . These are real achievements . In meetings with school she has now stopped mumbling and looking at the carpet and instead makes eye contact and is able to put her point of view across . This is not the end of the road , but the ground seems to be levelling a little . I now need to learn more about dyslexia and different ways of learning . There is a lot of catching up to do if she is to stand a chance at GCSE 's , but I know she is a bright girl and even if she has to do some exams at college later , she will get there in the end . Recently she opened a teenager account with HSBC and we have agreed a clothing allowance . With an allowance and a debit card and is learning the value of things and how to budget . This is something else that is helping her to feel in control of her own life . I 'd recommend it for every teen . And me ? Too many downs and not enough ups . Work has been terribly stressful . I 've got to the point where I have been doing 12 hour days rather than the 7 hour days I should do . This has been a real problem and has been dragging me down . Whilst I only work 3 days a week , my other days are also frantic . When I 'm not rushing around taking Emily to one of her lessons or appointments , I 'm having to fit in meetings and general stuff like shopping and house work . My cats are a great love of mine , but they too create work for me . It very often feels that I am on an never ending treadmill . I 'm sure everyone can relate to this . . Adding in my issues around my weight and at times I 've wanted to give up . It 's easy to get caught up in your own problems , but just recently someone gave me a wake up call . Through Twitter I received a direct message . A woman of a similar age to me , who I have only ever exchanged ' tweets ' with and do not know in the ' real ' world , reached out . I do not want to go into her story here , it 's not mine to tell , but I think she really needed someone to hear her . I used my own experiences to help me try and understand . We have continued to message each other and through her , I realised that sometimes , when someone really needs you , a strength will take over . We can all try to make a difference to others . Those of us who understand what it is like to live part of our lives in darkness , in fear , in hopelessness , can help those who are there right now . Readers of my blog have done this for me , not only just by reading what I write , but by commenting too . Some of the supportive comments I have received have really helped and I cherish them . Its made me want to turn my Twitter posts into something more . I want to try and make people think , to realise that they too can make a difference to others . We all stumble at times , when you are strong , help those who aren 't . I feel compelled to write , as it 's been a couple of weeks since my last post . But to be honest I really don 't know what I want to say . Do I talk about the two sessions I 've had with a counsellor ? Given the waiting list for this , in my first session I found myself struggling to recall why I had been referred . Which aspect of my upside down life was I there to talk through and was it still relevant ? The second session I threw caution to the wind and dragged us back over 20 years . I sobbed as I recalled a 20 year old girl settling for the adulterous older man thrown out by his wife , because she felt she must " do the honourable thing " . The honourable thing lasted about 12 years . And where is this man now ? The father of my children ? Cosy in his home , where he does not have to consider a sick child in his daily or even weekly routine . Am I bitter ? You 're damn right I am . Do I tell you that Emily will be leaving the unit at the end of the month ? Should I explain how she will start to build up her return to school by adding 1 lesson extra each week , but on different days ? I understand why it is being done this way , but all I can think about is how I facilitate this and still get time to go to work . Shall I explain how I want to shut myself away or that I crave sunshine on my face ? I want to get drunk and dance , I want to set off on a journey , I want to do many things , none of them here . I want to forget all this crap and give my open sores a chance to scab over before the next onslaught . Sat across from her I looked into her eyes and said , " You have no idea how far you have come . When I think back it scares me " and it did , really scared me to the point that I could not stop the tears from forming . Once formed they began to overflow and make their way down my cheeks . I sensed people noticing me , but I really and honestly didn 't care . Emily reached across the table and took my hand , saying sorry for upsetting me . I told her it was ok . It has been a roller - coaster of a journey and we are not at the end . A year ago we were in a terrible place and , whilst things are far from perfect , they are at least better . Emily looked at me as though she couldn 't comprehend . She still considered herself to be ill . I suppose she is , but from where we were , we have come so far . She looked almost puzzled . I told her that I had written a diary and that one day I would share it with her . Then she would truly see how far she had come . Posted by I 'm sat in a supermarket car park at 8 . 45am . I 've just dropped Emily and her brother at school . Today is the first day that Emily will attend form . She 's then going to one lesson and then I 'm taking her back to the unit . School have , against normal policy , agreed to move Emily from her old form into her brothers . It means she has him for support and she also knows a few others from her junior school . Even so , this morning she was showing classic anxiety symptoms . When the form change was first suggested I spoke to my son . He was ok about it and understood . Yesterday and this morning , however , he has been a typical stroppy sibling . A pound each for sweets hopefully has smoothed , or maybe bribed the way . Earlier this week , we woke up to a good few inches of snow . I didn 't fancy going far in the car . My son walked to the school bus , ( which didn 't come , unsurprisingly ) grumbling all the way I should imagine . The big story however came from Emily . She said she 'd go by tram on her own to the unit . Not only would this be a complete first , going solo since her illness , but she would also be on with school kids from her old school . I checked and double checked . She was adamant . Her journey was slow and there were constant texts between us , but she made it . I told her I was so proud of her and that she should be really proud of herself . Dyslexia has been a word I 've heard around Emily for a few months . When her teacher at the unit first mentioned it to her in passing , Emily grabbed on to it . She spent a weekend testing herself online . To me it felt like it could be just another thing she 'd latched on to . Like she was looking for explanations and this was another potential candidate . Today I went to the unit to meet with a specialist who has been carrying out a series of tests . I 'm told Emily has a strong possibility of being severely dyslexic . Some of the tests kids should do well and some not so well . Emily follows the correct pattern . I had previously discounted any possibility of this and so had the rest of the family . How can someone be high achieving through junior school if they are dyslexic ? It seems the slower pace of early school , and our out of school encouragement to read and write , may have given Emily enough to get on well . She is , after all , a bright girl . And then to comprehensive school , suddenly you are expected to work quicker and harder . No wonder the transition hit her so hard , adding bullying to the mix and you have a breakdown waiting to happen . Which as the rest of this blog tells you , is exactly what did happen . As I listened to the specialist I realised I struggled with similar things . I 'm told it can be hereditary , so now I wonder about my son , who , to be honest , has always struggled with school work . So , here we are . There is no point in looking back . I have new information and I intend to use it to make things better . Once again reading Twitter has got me thinking , well actually remembering rather than thinking . I was lead to a page on bullying . co . uk 's site . It gives some really good advice on what to do if your child says they are being bullied by a teacher . Think it doesn 't happen ? I 'm afraid it does . It was junior school , I guess I was around 9 or 10 . I was always a pretty solitary child , at home I loved to read . I had a favourite book , which was all about history , and I would spend hours in my bedroom absorbing information , dates and names . One day at school , the teacher , Mrs V asked if anyone knew the date of a particular event in history . As luck would have it , I 'd read about the very event the evening before . My hand shot up , how pleased the teacher would be that I could answer ! ' Yes ? ' she asked me . I gave my reply and waited for the praise . It didn 't come . Instead her facial features sharpened . ' Don 't be ridiculous , you can 't possibly know that , no one does ! ' she snorted . I could feel a cold wave wash over me . ' I read it in my history book ' I quietly replied , hoping to recover the situation . Instead ' No one knows the date , so you can 't either ' was the curt reply and the classroom erupted into laughter , laughter at me . The next day , I went to school with my history book and attempted to share it with Mrs V . I think that was when her real hatred of me began . I just wanted to show that I wasn 't a liar , I wanted to be vindicated , I wanted to make it all ok again . Interestingly , as an adult I still have this compulsion , I don 't think it will ever leave me . I hate it when people judge without having the full facts . I hate it when people are unfair and do not consider the impact their actions have on others . The days that followed took a similar path , we would do work and then have to take it to Mrs V 's desk . All lined up waiting for our praise . My work was neat and I always tried my best . I was shy and quiet child , I did as I was told . I put my neat book down on the teachers desk , confident in the knowledge that I had done a good piece of work . Mrs V did not agree . She hardly looked at my work before shouting ' Rubbish , do it again ! ' As she tore the page out of my book , I felt light headed . I could feel my bowels wanting to release , my heart thumped in my chest and I felt dizzy . Within seconds the tears started to well in my eyes and it took no time at all for them to flow freely . Mrs V assumed she hadn 't yet done enough and as she handed back my book she followed up with a loud ' oh look at the cry baby everyone ' The sound of cruel childish laughter once again filled the room . Humiliation complete . Weeks went by . Mrs V continued to ' make an example of me ' in front of the class and my parents assumed I was making it up . Everyday I took up my work and everyday Mrs V tore it out . It was a chance meeting which brought my misery to an end . My Mum bumped into one of my classmates Mum 's in the street . The other Mum remarked on my terrible treatment , ' isn 't it awful what Mrs V does to your daughter ' kind of conversation . Emily was very upset on the ward and was insisting she wasn 't going to school . The nurse took me to a room on the ward and brought Emily in . She was shaking and tear stained . I 'm ashamed to say my first thought was , ' oh for goodness sake , it 's only an hour ! ' but I knew I couldn 't . The nurse left us alone while she tried to find a therapist . Emily continued to shake , cry and chew at her clothing . I began speaking to her , asking what was wrong . All she could tell me was that she couln 't go , she 'd do it next week instead . As we spoke I could feel something rising in me . I recognised it as rage , but borne of frustration , not hate . I wanted to run away , I could see no answer , no path for us to take . To me right there , my mind told me that if she couldn 't do this , then all was lost . I fought with my inner voice and began to speak again . I told her there were no expectations on her other than to be in the classroom . I told her she was protected , the teacher knew the situation and the bullies went to another school . I told her she would feel proud of herself for going . I told her I would be waiting like last week . I told her to shut out all those negative voices in her head , to reach inside and grab hold of those hidden strengths , that I knew she had , and to tell herself she could do it and she had her tangle and time out card if it got too much . The hour is not yet up , but I 'm keeping everything crossed . As I reflect I realised something . In that room earlier today , we were both fragmenting , blowing everything up out of recognition , but we also started to put the pieces back together . Maybe we will both always ' fragment ' but if we can begin to understand that it leads to rebuilding , it might make the road a little less rocky Posted by It 's turning into a very long week and it 's only Tuesday . My husband set off in the early hours of Monday morning , through the snow , to get a train to London . He 's there all week on a training course . To begin with I was quite looking forward to having a few nights to myself and not have anyone snoring next to me in bed . The reality has been much less rosy . During the evening , I could hear Emily pulling down the loft ladder . A short time later she came into the living room with a baby doll in her arms . She talked to it , cuddled it and , to be honest , I was a little taken aback . More recently Emily has been desperate to turn her bedroom into a teenage pad dolls were , at her request , put into the loft some time ago . Now there are baby dolls in a large wooden cot . Emily clung to me saying that she wanted the doll to be real , she wanted to be a Mum so that she had someone to love and take care of . I could understand that in some way . I tried not to make anything out of it . This evening she has told me that she worries that the doll is no longer alive . When I talked to her about this , she accepts that the doll is just that , a doll and has never been alive . Then she tells me that ' they ' are taking the doll away from her , and making it into something bad . She can not explain to me who they are . I 've suggested that she is perhaps anxious about her next school visit tomorrow . I 'm beginning to worry again that she won 't get through the hour . It 's like she regressing . I am really starting to panic that she 's never going to get an education . Just thinking that brings tears to my eyes . This isn 't fair , she 's so clever , she would have got good exam results , but I just don 't see how that is going to happen anymore , how can it ? Almost a year out of school now and I can 't see her ever being strong enough to go back full time . It feels like a life of opportunity just wasted . I should be doing something to change this . I watched Emily cut up a carrot for the guinea pigs earlier and I found myself checking that she had put the sharp knife in the sink and not taken it to her room . I see something in her eyes and I don 't like it . To compensate I 'm eating chocolate instead of real food , washed down with a little brandy . I 'm calling the brandy medicinal as I 'm pretty sure there is a cold fighting to get out . In between all this , messages come from my husband . He hates being away from home and is desperate for news of the kids and the cats . I tell him everything is fine , he 'll only worry otherwise and there is nothing he can do . I am also terribly addicted to cats . I started off with one , a black tom . He , like all my cats , came from a rescue centre . The first thing I noticed about him was a pair of wide yellow eyes staring out in fear in one of the pens . I remember saying they were like Owl eyes , I knew I wanted him straight away . I was told he wouldn 't let anyone near him , but that didn 't put me off . Once in his enclosure I talked softly to him while he hissed at me . This didn 't put me off either , he was just a very frightened cat . I adopted him 6 years ago and it wasn 't until I let him out of the carrier on that first day that I noticed his poor feet . Deformed , badly . In some way that made him more special , after all , none of us are perfect are we ? Since then a number of cats have joined my family . An unwanted kitten , Two abandoned sisters , an old chap of 11 who 's mum had to go into a home . A 5 year old tabby who had been left in a box with her kittens . It seems I 'm always drawn to the ' under cat ' . I could have brought home dozens of cute fluffy cats and kittens , but then I see black , black and white or older ones and I 'm told how long they have been there . I do wonder if the need to rescue a cat comes from my own wish to be rescued too . What I do know is that there is nothing nicer than a loving cat cuddle . If you 've been keeping count you will be up to 7 as they are all still with us : ) I love seeing all their little faces around my home . All little personalities who can be quite entertaining at times . We 've just done our second Sunday morning . It 's a bit smelly at times , washing litter trays and cleaning out rooms and you certainly get a sweat on , but it doesn 't matter . As soon as we 've finished our work we can go around and spend time with the cats and kittens . The youngsters are as you can imagine , adorable . But we also make time to encourage the shy ones and to fuss the older ones too . It gives me such a good feeling inside , although its such a small thing . When I think about days when I just want to hide in my bed , I know I wouldn 't want to let the Cat centre down . It 's a good incentive , at least if we do nothing else at the weekend , we will have both been out . I 'd recommend volunteering to anyone , it doesn 't have to be animals , just something you 're interested in . Help yourself by helping someone else . A few days ago I checked out Twitter in a personal capacity . I love facebook , but I never really got Twitter . Then , when the snow started to hit Yorkshire , it seemed like another way of keeping up with local information . Once I 'd set out on this little journey , I realised it was possible to have an account purely to go with this blog . Suddenly I had the freedom to go out and see what else and who else was out there , whilst being safely hidden behind my anonymous exterior . . I was amazed how many Anti Bullying tweeters there are , some higher profile than others . Add to that the huge number of people twittering about Mental Health and , well lets just say , are my eyes well and truly open . There are things happening , in research and law for example , that I had no idea about . Then there are others out there that are doing incredible things , this post on Netmums , What to do if your child is being bullied really caught my eye . I 'm following the author on Twitter , Alex Holmes . His post is refreshing , written by someone who really knows the score and understands the realistic options open to parents . How I wish I had seen this a few years ago , I wonder if things would be different ? He is making a real difference running the Anti - Bullying Ambassador Programme which is being taken out to schools . Find out more by visiting The Diana Award website . I urge you , if you are reading this because your child is being bullied , go to these pages . Tonight Emily has been seeing things again . As I sat and listened to her talk I could feel part of me thinking " here we go again " . I did not show this . I talked things through with her . It 's quite likely that the return to school is bringing anxiety to the surface once more . Oh how I wish I had a magic wand . It 's been a long day . I 've been trying to work from home in between running the kids around . At lunch time I collected Emily from the unit . We came home so she could get into her uniform , there were shakes and tears before we left for school for her one hour lesson . Once there , waiting for Mel , Emily said she felt calmer . We were soon joined by a member of staff and it wasn 't long before Mel got to us . They quickly walked off to the lesson and I followed the teacher to her office . I borrowed a desk and accepted a cup of coffee . I took out my husbands net book and tried to do a bit of work . I really needed to make up my hours , but to be honest my concentration was off . As I sat and tried to work , my stomach churned . If she couldn 't manage this hour where would that leave us ? I was relieved as we chatted later , she 'd managed , but it could have been better . The class were revising for an exam Emily can no longer take , so the teacher had given her a book to read . It was good that there was no pressure for her to produce work , but there was also nothing to distract her either . This evening I sat , at the dining room table , trying to catch up my work . I wasn 't aware Emily was no longer in the living room . As soon as I realised I went to her bedroom , she seemed to be ok , but in reality she wasn 't . I was about to step back out of the door when she lifted up her arms to signify the need for a hug . As soon as I embraced her I felt her body shake and the sobbing began . It was a while before I was able to get her calm enough to talk . She 's not cried like this for a while and to be honest , it scared the hell out of me . I can 't go back to this . I started to hear familiar phrases , " I can 't do it " and " I don 't want to do it any more " We are walking such a fine line , she needs to get back to school and build up her attendance , but to push too much too early could set her back months . She 's also terribly behind on work . But , and I said this to her , there are no expectations on her other than attending one lesson per week . Eventually , she seemed to calm , although the tears occasionally reappeared . Two hours later I felt I could let her get ready for bed , but a part of me remains uneasy . What if she 's right ? What if she can 't do it , what will be left ? There have been times , since the New Year , that I have seen a new confident Emily . There have unfortunately , been a few times when I have seen an over confident Emily . This over confident version is rude , selfish and gives no thought to the feelings of others , her comments can be hurtful and unexpected . I guess this version is a standard teenager . On one such occasion , when she had ridiculed me in front of my wider family , I asked her not to speak to me like that , she shrugged it off with a bit of a grin . Once at home I had to distance myself from her . The way she 'd spoken to me , hurt more than I can say . Maybe my own dark thoughts were pushing through , but I went to my bedroom and I cried . I couldn 't understand how a girl I had been through thick and thin with could talk to me like I was something stuck to the bottom of her shoe . A positive to come out of the confidence is a new friend , or at least a renewal of an old friend . Mel and Emily were best friends in the early years of junior school . When the time came for Comprehensives , they went their separate ways . Emily to the local school full of bully 's and no discipline , ( obviously I didn 't know this at the time ) and Mel to the fantastic school my kids have now been transferred to . I jumped on the opening and suggested she track Mel down on Facebook so that she could send a message to say thanks for the card . Reluctantly , Emily agreed . The friendship request was accepted and the message was , after more coaxing , finally sent . Funny when you 're thinking about someone and they actually contact you instead . I got a text from Mel 's mum asking for Emily 's mobile number . In the end us two Mums worked out a meet up , with the girls involved too . With Emily 's permission I explained her illness and how it affected her , Mel and her Mum were shocked and very supportive . Emily was very anxious about starting up a friendship , which was why we 'd arranged an activity , she worried she wouldn 't know what to talk about . The next day I took my kids and Mel out for a few hours and they seemed to have fun . Back at our house they danced on the Wii and watched a bit of TV together . Later Emily said it had been ok , it had been easier than she 'd thought . Last week saw a meeting with one of the Mental Health Workers and a number of people from school . We went through all the worries Emily has and what might help in particular situations . They had no problem with anything at all . They have been so accommodating . I thought when Emily asked to just do one lesson in the first week , that they would think it ridiculous . Far from it , it didn 't matter , whatever it takes to get her back in school with as little anxiety as possible . I was amazed and immensely grateful . They also agreed to move Emily to the opposite side of the school year so that she can attend some lessons with Mel . Again , I thought it a long shot , but they agreed it was a good idea , it will give her a new chance at friendships away from the failed attempts last spring . |
Mum of 2 , suffering my own mental health issues , I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions . At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own . She is now 16 . I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come . Emily has made enormous steps forward . From the start of the new term she has been back full time . There have been ups and downs , but I remind myself that all teens have these regardless . In a few short weeks her confidence has grown . She will now speak in class , join in discussions and has put her name forward to be an anti bullying ambassador . She is showing a high standard of work again and is receiving good marks . I am so very proud of her and I think she is of herself . For me , life goes on . I am currently supporting an 18 year old at work who has comlex mental health problems . When others don 't know how to handle mental illness , they turn to me and I can not let them down . This , however , does impact on my own wellbeing . Its my own fault , I have taken on too much . Work , my family , supporting others in need and now by joining the committee for a charity I hold dear to my heart . I sit doing work from home and all around me there is overdue housework screaming at me . When I look back I see a long road . It twists and turns with mountains and deep ravines . Some trials we could see on the horizon , others were thrown in our path just in front of us . Many , many times the obstacles have looked so huge it seemed they would forever be in our way . Sometimes they have come one after the other so quickly , we hardly had time to catch our breath . It has been exhausting . At times Emily and I have hated each other . Two people hurting deeply , not always able to help the other but despite this we found our way . We learned to say sorry , we learned when to talk and when to stay silent , when to laugh and when to be serious . But most of all we learnt about each other . We are now close to the top of one such mountain . Emily will do her first full week at school next week to prepare for the next term . She is excited and frightened , just like a normal teenager . But Emily will always be far from a normal teenager . Yesterday she found a diary she wrote during her darkest times . She laughed about how ridiculous some of her comments were . She can not understand being in that place now . A blessing maybe , for I can remember everything . It seems an age since I last wrote . You may think that my lack of blogging is down to life being on the up . It isn 't . I have been despondent really , I am fighting my way through every day . I have little strength left . Emily has done so well , she is now attending mainstream school 3 mornings per week . This is a huge acheivement and I am very proud of her . Despite these acheivements there are always set backs and my inner demons gnaw at me . Sometimes the responsibility of going to work , running a home and being mum to 2 teenagers is more than I can bear . There is no downtime , no off switch , no time off . The kids seem to need me constantly and there is always a part of me that dreads this . I do not have a magic wand , I can not fix the world around them . I did at least speak to Emily 's father . I actually told him things face to face . I had to , I needed him to take some responsibility and I also needed to stop hiding and stop resenting . There is enough poison in my head without him in there too . He does at least help with the midday school runs when I 'm at work . We will always be poles apart and our roles very different but at least we can be civil again . Very often I wonder if I would still be here if I had never had children . They are the only reason I am still dragging myself through this pitiful excuse for a life . I feel like I should be punished for wanting to give my life away when there are those out there who are ill and are fighting tooth and nail to hold on to their last breath . Those who have gone through terrible situations and hardship . I have faced none of that , pathetic really . It 's the school holidays and I am in York . We were here last August . I say we , but there were only three of us . At that time Emily was a resident in the mental health unit . She could have come with us but she couldn 't , she was too ill . I remember that holiday . We were only here for 3 days and crammed in as much as possible for the benefit of my boy . I bought annual tickets for the various attractions , which would admit 4 for the whole year . I told my son , who missed his sister , that the tickets were proof that Emily would return with us the following year . I said it , but I didn 't actually believe it . Last weekend I was ill , as in could barely walk . When it came to Monday , the day to get to the train station , I sat in my living room and sobbed . I cried because ; I was tired , I felt ill , I was leaving my beloved animals but more so because , this time , Emily was coming with us . I just felt spent . It 's not been easy on holiday . Emily switches into stroppy teen quite easily and it is difficult maintaining boundaries without squashing independence . At times she looks vulnerable and a moment later she is off out of sight . Managing her needs with everyone else 's is exhausting . I am still feeling unwell and I will be glad to be home . In the back of my mind I also remember that the first major signs of her illness manifested over Easter last year . Again that brings tears to my eyes . The year has been a very long one and yes , on the surface , it seems we have come a long way . In reality , the journey has only just got started . There have been a few times when I 've wanted to write a letter to my ex . I even came close to sending an email once . To be honest , it was filled with ranting and venom . Maybe what I felt , but as he considers me unbalanced and ridiculous , it would have only fueled the fire . And so , we met at work . I had just split up with my fiance and had to pull out of buying a house . Outwardly I displayed confidence and loved a laugh and a joke . In private I cried . I had come so close to leaving home and becoming my own person I couldn 't let it go . I found a cheap flat for sale and went for it . You flirted with me all the time . Married and 17 years older than me I wasn 't really sure how I should respond . I thought it was a bit of office banter . I did like you , you made me laugh and work was a fun place to be . One day you asked to meet me after work . My internal alarm bells were screaming , but I didn 't like to offend you by saying no . How ridiculous does that sound ? I should have said no . I knew it then , I know it now , but I just couldn 't say it . That night you kissed me and I didn 't know what to do . You offered to come and help do jobs in my flat . It was in a bad state of repair and I did need help , but I should again have said no . There was only ever going to be one outcome to this . It was a car crash waiting to happen . You told me how you were unhappy at home and I could genuinely see this was true . It wasn 't long before sex came into the mix . All the time I knew this was wrong , but I didn 't know what to do or how to stop it . You seemed to really care about me . I couldn 't hurt you by turning you away . What else could I do ? My weakness had brought us to this place . I literally thought to myself ' I 've made my bed , I need to lie in it ' I let you in , along with panic and fear . In the months after we followed a frightening and very bumpy road . I feared every knock on the door and every letter the postman brought . A venomous wife , solicitors threats and disappointed families . Just writing this brings back the knot in my stomach and the tears to my eyes . Is there any wonder my mental health problems worsened ? I was so scared , I felt sick all the time . You cared about me , I think , and I cared about you . This mess was of my making and so it continued . Was I in love ? At the time I presumed I must be . So when you said it to me , I said it back . I guessed this was what it was about . Looking back I knew it still wasn 't right . I couldn 't watch romantic films or read happy relationship stories . Why ? Because they weren 't real . No one felt like that did they ? If I had accepted that it was possible to feel so much for anyone , I would have to admit that I was unhappy and living a lie . The years progressed . We bought a house and I suggested we got married . To me , it seemed the right thing to do , the expected thing . I don 't remember much of that day , but I do remember crying and I do remember making an excuse not to be intimate . On that day and the days leading up to it the alarm bells rang again , they were muffled because I couldn 't face the implications , but they were there all the same . I wonder , did you hear them too ? I just kept thinking , this was obviously my life so get on with it . The years moved on and produced two wonderful children . With the children came a worsening of my mental health . You did try to help me , but you tired of it . You are firmly from the ' pull yourself together ' brigade . If I made you unhappy I am truly sorry . You could be cruel and thoughtless at times and you had no understanding of the hold my illness had on me . But think back on what I 've written , is there any wonder my health suffered ? Do we not both need to accept some responsibility here ? I was unknowingly living a lie , were you ? You made me feel a failure for being ill . I didn 't need your help with this , I could beat myself up all on my own . Daily life was up and down . Arguments and tears , sometimes you took your frustrations with me out on the kids . Or that 's what I thought you were doing . I 've seen you hit my daughter so hard across her face that she was thrown off her feet . She was probably around 6 at the time . you shouted so loud at our even younger son , his eyes had the look of a frightened animal . I could never forgive these actions , but I do accept the blame . As you know , I met the man I 'm now with , over the internet . Despite what you might think it was innocent . We both moderated forums and all the moderators chatted on MSN . I needed friends to talk to , people , male and female , who didn 't know my history , people who knew only what I told them . My online friendships grew and it wasn 't long before we talked about our lives . My new friends listened to me , but more importantly they comforted me in a way you never could . One man in particular , ' A ' stood out . His comments were funny but caring at the same time . He was easy to talk to and , as he lived outside the UK it seemed safe . We worked together on quizzes for the forum and it was fun . You didn 't like the time I spent online . You had always been possessive and stifling , I guess you felt out of the loop . The atmosphere at home got worse and as it did I turned more and more to my online life . A was always there in the evenings and it wasn 't long before I started talking about my situation . The more we talked the more I was drawn to this caring man . We had never met but it showed me something . It showed me I could feel something . Something more than pain and unhappiness . You blamed A for breaking our marriage , but it was broken before it started . Do you not see it ? I admit I did start to feel something for this man I 'd never met , it made me realise that there was more to this life than making do . He gave me the strength to look inside myself and do what I should have done 12 years before . I said no , no more . I 'm pretty sure I was making you unhappy , would you really have wanted that to continue ? Was your fear of being alone worse than the misery of being locked in a shell of a marriage ? I did want to meet A , when I was free to , but I wasn 't lurching from one man straight to another . How could I not want to eventually meet someone who had offered me something I felt I 'd never had ? I 'm not talking about love or sex , I 'm talking about a deep understanding of me , someone who had an amazing ability to make me feel better and give me hope when my life was in ruins . Can you understand that ? You couldn 't at the time . I guess your head was full of emotions and thinking about things logically didn 't figure . I couldn 't make you understand that it wasn 't about him , it was about me finally admitting what I 'd known all along . In the end I called your bluff , if that was what I needed to prove we were through . A agreed to fly over . The confidence he showed behind the pc was missing when I met him at the airport . He was a very shy and nervous man . I did not fall instantly in love with him and I had no idea where the friendship would go , but I knew it would not change my need to be apart from you . Despite your protests and plea 's about our marriage it took only a couple of weeks for you to move on with another woman . While I moved out and rented with the kids , she pretty much set up home in my house . I didn 't mind you moving on , but it was too quick and her spending so much time in my house was wrong . You even introduced her to our children before I knew you were seeing her . That was just nasty . Since we split I have always tried to be fair . We shared our assets straight down the middle , we did our own divorce . You moved on with your life and bought a new house . I had to buy you out of the old house to get us out of a fix . I didn 't want to come back here . I hate looking at the legacy you have left me , dodgy extensions and bad DIY . But you don 't care do you ? You were able to take the money and run . I 've lost count of the number of nights I 've sat comforting your crying children . You 'd caused those tears with selfishness and unkind words and acts . You put yourself and your new wife before your children and that will never be right . When A and I decided to move in together , I made it quite clear that the children will always be my priority . He accepts that . I have made so many excuses for you to those children , reassuring them that you do love them etc etc . What have you done for me ? I understand you laugh about me to your wife , suggest I am a bad mother , say that I don 't feed them properly . When you had no job , I took no money from you for the children . Now you pay very little still and I let that happen because we can manage and I wouldn 't want to cause you hardship . What do you do for me ? You go on holiday every few months and brag about it . You don 't take the kids though , you don 't want them do you ? You don 't even consider them , because you do whatever pleases you whenever you want . But you can , because you have me here taking care of our children . I keep quiet , I will not use them to score points . I will not force them to come to your house so we can have a break . But the injustice eats away at me . When you got married you decided to do it at Gretna Green and asked me if the kids would mind not being there . Your daughters biggest wish at the time was to be a bridesmaid . It 's a no brainer really . You told me , as you were off on two weeks honeymoon straight away , if the kids wanted to go , I would have to take them . Words can not express how angry this made me . I took the kids and we had to stop over night too . I made a point of being at the ceremony , as you 'd said I could be . To be honest the only reason I did it was to make you both feel as uncomfortable as possible . Petty and childish I know , but you should be able to relate to that ? I had no choice but to bring them , how would they feel not being there ? When I got married last year , I was going to invite you out of duty to my children . I certainly didn 't want you there picking fault with everything , your favourite pass time , but there I was again , trying to do the right thing . You didn 't even open the invitation , you left it behind , saying you were going on holiday . You never asked who would look after the kids on my wedding night , or who was having them while we had a honeymoon . You didn 't care . I think this was the pivotal point in our relationship . My poor mum had the kids as usual and due to Emily 's illness we just spent 2 nights in a local hotel . And now we come on to Emily herself . Where were you when the bullying started ? Throughout Emily 's illness we have had to stay strong . There have been so many times I thought we wouldn 't make it . But we are inspite of your selfishness . You think I 've exaggerated Emily 's situation . You 've ignored me and gone behind my back , only to have the story confirmed by professionals . You think I 'm neurotic and something to be pitied . I now need to realise that your opinions do not matter . You think I 'm turning the kids against you the reality is they now see you for what you are as I no longer make excuses for you . You think I 'm a bad mother ? I 'm not perfect , but tell me , what would have happened if I wasn 't here ? So why have I written this ? Because for so long I have stayed silent so I don 't upset the kids , but in the process the hurt and resentment has built into a monster . Better pray I never unleash it Posted by Emily still has her down days , but I feel these are finally beginning to reduce . She has managed to detach herself from the Unit and is slowly starting to build confidence in ' normal ' life . Her school visits are still limited to 1 lesson a day on 3 separate days , so there is a long way to go and a lot of catching up to do , but it is progress . These may seem like small things , but not to us . These are real achievements . In meetings with school she has now stopped mumbling and looking at the carpet and instead makes eye contact and is able to put her point of view across . This is not the end of the road , but the ground seems to be levelling a little . I now need to learn more about dyslexia and different ways of learning . There is a lot of catching up to do if she is to stand a chance at GCSE 's , but I know she is a bright girl and even if she has to do some exams at college later , she will get there in the end . Recently she opened a teenager account with HSBC and we have agreed a clothing allowance . With an allowance and a debit card and is learning the value of things and how to budget . This is something else that is helping her to feel in control of her own life . I 'd recommend it for every teen . And me ? Too many downs and not enough ups . Work has been terribly stressful . I 've got to the point where I have been doing 12 hour days rather than the 7 hour days I should do . This has been a real problem and has been dragging me down . Whilst I only work 3 days a week , my other days are also frantic . When I 'm not rushing around taking Emily to one of her lessons or appointments , I 'm having to fit in meetings and general stuff like shopping and house work . My cats are a great love of mine , but they too create work for me . It very often feels that I am on an never ending treadmill . I 'm sure everyone can relate to this . . Adding in my issues around my weight and at times I 've wanted to give up . It 's easy to get caught up in your own problems , but just recently someone gave me a wake up call . Through Twitter I received a direct message . A woman of a similar age to me , who I have only ever exchanged ' tweets ' with and do not know in the ' real ' world , reached out . I do not want to go into her story here , it 's not mine to tell , but I think she really needed someone to hear her . I used my own experiences to help me try and understand . We have continued to message each other and through her , I realised that sometimes , when someone really needs you , a strength will take over . We can all try to make a difference to others . Those of us who understand what it is like to live part of our lives in darkness , in fear , in hopelessness , can help those who are there right now . Readers of my blog have done this for me , not only just by reading what I write , but by commenting too . Some of the supportive comments I have received have really helped and I cherish them . Its made me want to turn my Twitter posts into something more . I want to try and make people think , to realise that they too can make a difference to others . We all stumble at times , when you are strong , help those who aren 't . I feel compelled to write , as it 's been a couple of weeks since my last post . But to be honest I really don 't know what I want to say . Do I talk about the two sessions I 've had with a counsellor ? Given the waiting list for this , in my first session I found myself struggling to recall why I had been referred . Which aspect of my upside down life was I there to talk through and was it still relevant ? The second session I threw caution to the wind and dragged us back over 20 years . I sobbed as I recalled a 20 year old girl settling for the adulterous older man thrown out by his wife , because she felt she must " do the honourable thing " . The honourable thing lasted about 12 years . And where is this man now ? The father of my children ? Cosy in his home , where he does not have to consider a sick child in his daily or even weekly routine . Am I bitter ? You 're damn right I am . Do I tell you that Emily will be leaving the unit at the end of the month ? Should I explain how she will start to build up her return to school by adding 1 lesson extra each week , but on different days ? I understand why it is being done this way , but all I can think about is how I facilitate this and still get time to go to work . Shall I explain how I want to shut myself away or that I crave sunshine on my face ? I want to get drunk and dance , I want to set off on a journey , I want to do many things , none of them here . I want to forget all this crap and give my open sores a chance to scab over before the next onslaught . Sat across from her I looked into her eyes and said , " You have no idea how far you have come . When I think back it scares me " and it did , really scared me to the point that I could not stop the tears from forming . Once formed they began to overflow and make their way down my cheeks . I sensed people noticing me , but I really and honestly didn 't care . Emily reached across the table and took my hand , saying sorry for upsetting me . I told her it was ok . It has been a roller - coaster of a journey and we are not at the end . A year ago we were in a terrible place and , whilst things are far from perfect , they are at least better . Emily looked at me as though she couldn 't comprehend . She still considered herself to be ill . I suppose she is , but from where we were , we have come so far . She looked almost puzzled . I told her that I had written a diary and that one day I would share it with her . Then she would truly see how far she had come . Posted by I 'm sat in a supermarket car park at 8 . 45am . I 've just dropped Emily and her brother at school . Today is the first day that Emily will attend form . She 's then going to one lesson and then I 'm taking her back to the unit . School have , against normal policy , agreed to move Emily from her old form into her brothers . It means she has him for support and she also knows a few others from her junior school . Even so , this morning she was showing classic anxiety symptoms . When the form change was first suggested I spoke to my son . He was ok about it and understood . Yesterday and this morning , however , he has been a typical stroppy sibling . A pound each for sweets hopefully has smoothed , or maybe bribed the way . Earlier this week , we woke up to a good few inches of snow . I didn 't fancy going far in the car . My son walked to the school bus , ( which didn 't come , unsurprisingly ) grumbling all the way I should imagine . The big story however came from Emily . She said she 'd go by tram on her own to the unit . Not only would this be a complete first , going solo since her illness , but she would also be on with school kids from her old school . I checked and double checked . She was adamant . Her journey was slow and there were constant texts between us , but she made it . I told her I was so proud of her and that she should be really proud of herself . Dyslexia has been a word I 've heard around Emily for a few months . When her teacher at the unit first mentioned it to her in passing , Emily grabbed on to it . She spent a weekend testing herself online . To me it felt like it could be just another thing she 'd latched on to . Like she was looking for explanations and this was another potential candidate . Today I went to the unit to meet with a specialist who has been carrying out a series of tests . I 'm told Emily has a strong possibility of being severely dyslexic . Some of the tests kids should do well and some not so well . Emily follows the correct pattern . I had previously discounted any possibility of this and so had the rest of the family . How can someone be high achieving through junior school if they are dyslexic ? It seems the slower pace of early school , and our out of school encouragement to read and write , may have given Emily enough to get on well . She is , after all , a bright girl . And then to comprehensive school , suddenly you are expected to work quicker and harder . No wonder the transition hit her so hard , adding bullying to the mix and you have a breakdown waiting to happen . Which as the rest of this blog tells you , is exactly what did happen . As I listened to the specialist I realised I struggled with similar things . I 'm told it can be hereditary , so now I wonder about my son , who , to be honest , has always struggled with school work . So , here we are . There is no point in looking back . I have new information and I intend to use it to make things better . Once again reading Twitter has got me thinking , well actually remembering rather than thinking . I was lead to a page on bullying . co . uk 's site . It gives some really good advice on what to do if your child says they are being bullied by a teacher . Think it doesn 't happen ? I 'm afraid it does . It was junior school , I guess I was around 9 or 10 . I was always a pretty solitary child , at home I loved to read . I had a favourite book , which was all about history , and I would spend hours in my bedroom absorbing information , dates and names . One day at school , the teacher , Mrs V asked if anyone knew the date of a particular event in history . As luck would have it , I 'd read about the very event the evening before . My hand shot up , how pleased the teacher would be that I could answer ! ' Yes ? ' she asked me . I gave my reply and waited for the praise . It didn 't come . Instead her facial features sharpened . ' Don 't be ridiculous , you can 't possibly know that , no one does ! ' she snorted . I could feel a cold wave wash over me . ' I read it in my history book ' I quietly replied , hoping to recover the situation . Instead ' No one knows the date , so you can 't either ' was the curt reply and the classroom erupted into laughter , laughter at me . The next day , I went to school with my history book and attempted to share it with Mrs V . I think that was when her real hatred of me began . I just wanted to show that I wasn 't a liar , I wanted to be vindicated , I wanted to make it all ok again . Interestingly , as an adult I still have this compulsion , I don 't think it will ever leave me . I hate it when people judge without having the full facts . I hate it when people are unfair and do not consider the impact their actions have on others . The days that followed took a similar path , we would do work and then have to take it to Mrs V 's desk . All lined up waiting for our praise . My work was neat and I always tried my best . I was shy and quiet child , I did as I was told . I put my neat book down on the teachers desk , confident in the knowledge that I had done a good piece of work . Mrs V did not agree . She hardly looked at my work before shouting ' Rubbish , do it again ! ' As she tore the page out of my book , I felt light headed . I could feel my bowels wanting to release , my heart thumped in my chest and I felt dizzy . Within seconds the tears started to well in my eyes and it took no time at all for them to flow freely . Mrs V assumed she hadn 't yet done enough and as she handed back my book she followed up with a loud ' oh look at the cry baby everyone ' The sound of cruel childish laughter once again filled the room . Humiliation complete . Weeks went by . Mrs V continued to ' make an example of me ' in front of the class and my parents assumed I was making it up . Everyday I took up my work and everyday Mrs V tore it out . It was a chance meeting which brought my misery to an end . My Mum bumped into one of my classmates Mum 's in the street . The other Mum remarked on my terrible treatment , ' isn 't it awful what Mrs V does to your daughter ' kind of conversation . Emily was very upset on the ward and was insisting she wasn 't going to school . The nurse took me to a room on the ward and brought Emily in . She was shaking and tear stained . I 'm ashamed to say my first thought was , ' oh for goodness sake , it 's only an hour ! ' but I knew I couldn 't . The nurse left us alone while she tried to find a therapist . Emily continued to shake , cry and chew at her clothing . I began speaking to her , asking what was wrong . All she could tell me was that she couln 't go , she 'd do it next week instead . As we spoke I could feel something rising in me . I recognised it as rage , but borne of frustration , not hate . I wanted to run away , I could see no answer , no path for us to take . To me right there , my mind told me that if she couldn 't do this , then all was lost . I fought with my inner voice and began to speak again . I told her there were no expectations on her other than to be in the classroom . I told her she was protected , the teacher knew the situation and the bullies went to another school . I told her she would feel proud of herself for going . I told her I would be waiting like last week . I told her to shut out all those negative voices in her head , to reach inside and grab hold of those hidden strengths , that I knew she had , and to tell herself she could do it and she had her tangle and time out card if it got too much . The hour is not yet up , but I 'm keeping everything crossed . As I reflect I realised something . In that room earlier today , we were both fragmenting , blowing everything up out of recognition , but we also started to put the pieces back together . Maybe we will both always ' fragment ' but if we can begin to understand that it leads to rebuilding , it might make the road a little less rocky Posted by It 's turning into a very long week and it 's only Tuesday . My husband set off in the early hours of Monday morning , through the snow , to get a train to London . He 's there all week on a training course . To begin with I was quite looking forward to having a few nights to myself and not have anyone snoring next to me in bed . The reality has been much less rosy . During the evening , I could hear Emily pulling down the loft ladder . A short time later she came into the living room with a baby doll in her arms . She talked to it , cuddled it and , to be honest , I was a little taken aback . More recently Emily has been desperate to turn her bedroom into a teenage pad dolls were , at her request , put into the loft some time ago . Now there are baby dolls in a large wooden cot . Emily clung to me saying that she wanted the doll to be real , she wanted to be a Mum so that she had someone to love and take care of . I could understand that in some way . I tried not to make anything out of it . This evening she has told me that she worries that the doll is no longer alive . When I talked to her about this , she accepts that the doll is just that , a doll and has never been alive . Then she tells me that ' they ' are taking the doll away from her , and making it into something bad . She can not explain to me who they are . I 've suggested that she is perhaps anxious about her next school visit tomorrow . I 'm beginning to worry again that she won 't get through the hour . It 's like she regressing . I am really starting to panic that she 's never going to get an education . Just thinking that brings tears to my eyes . This isn 't fair , she 's so clever , she would have got good exam results , but I just don 't see how that is going to happen anymore , how can it ? Almost a year out of school now and I can 't see her ever being strong enough to go back full time . It feels like a life of opportunity just wasted . I should be doing something to change this . I watched Emily cut up a carrot for the guinea pigs earlier and I found myself checking that she had put the sharp knife in the sink and not taken it to her room . I see something in her eyes and I don 't like it . To compensate I 'm eating chocolate instead of real food , washed down with a little brandy . I 'm calling the brandy medicinal as I 'm pretty sure there is a cold fighting to get out . In between all this , messages come from my husband . He hates being away from home and is desperate for news of the kids and the cats . I tell him everything is fine , he 'll only worry otherwise and there is nothing he can do . I am also terribly addicted to cats . I started off with one , a black tom . He , like all my cats , came from a rescue centre . The first thing I noticed about him was a pair of wide yellow eyes staring out in fear in one of the pens . I remember saying they were like Owl eyes , I knew I wanted him straight away . I was told he wouldn 't let anyone near him , but that didn 't put me off . Once in his enclosure I talked softly to him while he hissed at me . This didn 't put me off either , he was just a very frightened cat . I adopted him 6 years ago and it wasn 't until I let him out of the carrier on that first day that I noticed his poor feet . Deformed , badly . In some way that made him more special , after all , none of us are perfect are we ? Since then a number of cats have joined my family . An unwanted kitten , Two abandoned sisters , an old chap of 11 who 's mum had to go into a home . A 5 year old tabby who had been left in a box with her kittens . It seems I 'm always drawn to the ' under cat ' . I could have brought home dozens of cute fluffy cats and kittens , but then I see black , black and white or older ones and I 'm told how long they have been there . I do wonder if the need to rescue a cat comes from my own wish to be rescued too . What I do know is that there is nothing nicer than a loving cat cuddle . If you 've been keeping count you will be up to 7 as they are all still with us : ) I love seeing all their little faces around my home . All little personalities who can be quite entertaining at times . We 've just done our second Sunday morning . It 's a bit smelly at times , washing litter trays and cleaning out rooms and you certainly get a sweat on , but it doesn 't matter . As soon as we 've finished our work we can go around and spend time with the cats and kittens . The youngsters are as you can imagine , adorable . But we also make time to encourage the shy ones and to fuss the older ones too . It gives me such a good feeling inside , although its such a small thing . When I think about days when I just want to hide in my bed , I know I wouldn 't want to let the Cat centre down . It 's a good incentive , at least if we do nothing else at the weekend , we will have both been out . I 'd recommend volunteering to anyone , it doesn 't have to be animals , just something you 're interested in . Help yourself by helping someone else . A few days ago I checked out Twitter in a personal capacity . I love facebook , but I never really got Twitter . Then , when the snow started to hit Yorkshire , it seemed like another way of keeping up with local information . Once I 'd set out on this little journey , I realised it was possible to have an account purely to go with this blog . Suddenly I had the freedom to go out and see what else and who else was out there , whilst being safely hidden behind my anonymous exterior . . I was amazed how many Anti Bullying tweeters there are , some higher profile than others . Add to that the huge number of people twittering about Mental Health and , well lets just say , are my eyes well and truly open . There are things happening , in research and law for example , that I had no idea about . Then there are others out there that are doing incredible things , this post on Netmums , What to do if your child is being bullied really caught my eye . I 'm following the author on Twitter , Alex Holmes . His post is refreshing , written by someone who really knows the score and understands the realistic options open to parents . How I wish I had seen this a few years ago , I wonder if things would be different ? He is making a real difference running the Anti - Bullying Ambassador Programme which is being taken out to schools . Find out more by visiting The Diana Award website . I urge you , if you are reading this because your child is being bullied , go to these pages . Tonight Emily has been seeing things again . As I sat and listened to her talk I could feel part of me thinking " here we go again " . I did not show this . I talked things through with her . It 's quite likely that the return to school is bringing anxiety to the surface once more . Oh how I wish I had a magic wand . It 's been a long day . I 've been trying to work from home in between running the kids around . At lunch time I collected Emily from the unit . We came home so she could get into her uniform , there were shakes and tears before we left for school for her one hour lesson . Once there , waiting for Mel , Emily said she felt calmer . We were soon joined by a member of staff and it wasn 't long before Mel got to us . They quickly walked off to the lesson and I followed the teacher to her office . I borrowed a desk and accepted a cup of coffee . I took out my husbands net book and tried to do a bit of work . I really needed to make up my hours , but to be honest my concentration was off . As I sat and tried to work , my stomach churned . If she couldn 't manage this hour where would that leave us ? I was relieved as we chatted later , she 'd managed , but it could have been better . The class were revising for an exam Emily can no longer take , so the teacher had given her a book to read . It was good that there was no pressure for her to produce work , but there was also nothing to distract her either . This evening I sat , at the dining room table , trying to catch up my work . I wasn 't aware Emily was no longer in the living room . As soon as I realised I went to her bedroom , she seemed to be ok , but in reality she wasn 't . I was about to step back out of the door when she lifted up her arms to signify the need for a hug . As soon as I embraced her I felt her body shake and the sobbing began . It was a while before I was able to get her calm enough to talk . She 's not cried like this for a while and to be honest , it scared the hell out of me . I can 't go back to this . I started to hear familiar phrases , " I can 't do it " and " I don 't want to do it any more " We are walking such a fine line , she needs to get back to school and build up her attendance , but to push too much too early could set her back months . She 's also terribly behind on work . But , and I said this to her , there are no expectations on her other than attending one lesson per week . Eventually , she seemed to calm , although the tears occasionally reappeared . Two hours later I felt I could let her get ready for bed , but a part of me remains uneasy . What if she 's right ? What if she can 't do it , what will be left ? There have been times , since the New Year , that I have seen a new confident Emily . There have unfortunately , been a few times when I have seen an over confident Emily . This over confident version is rude , selfish and gives no thought to the feelings of others , her comments can be hurtful and unexpected . I guess this version is a standard teenager . On one such occasion , when she had ridiculed me in front of my wider family , I asked her not to speak to me like that , she shrugged it off with a bit of a grin . Once at home I had to distance myself from her . The way she 'd spoken to me , hurt more than I can say . Maybe my own dark thoughts were pushing through , but I went to my bedroom and I cried . I couldn 't understand how a girl I had been through thick and thin with could talk to me like I was something stuck to the bottom of her shoe . A positive to come out of the confidence is a new friend , or at least a renewal of an old friend . Mel and Emily were best friends in the early years of junior school . When the time came for Comprehensives , they went their separate ways . Emily to the local school full of bully 's and no discipline , ( obviously I didn 't know this at the time ) and Mel to the fantastic school my kids have now been transferred to . I jumped on the opening and suggested she track Mel down on Facebook so that she could send a message to say thanks for the card . Reluctantly , Emily agreed . The friendship request was accepted and the message was , after more coaxing , finally sent . Funny when you 're thinking about someone and they actually contact you instead . I got a text from Mel 's mum asking for Emily 's mobile number . In the end us two Mums worked out a meet up , with the girls involved too . With Emily 's permission I explained her illness and how it affected her , Mel and her Mum were shocked and very supportive . Emily was very anxious about starting up a friendship , which was why we 'd arranged an activity , she worried she wouldn 't know what to talk about . The next day I took my kids and Mel out for a few hours and they seemed to have fun . Back at our house they danced on the Wii and watched a bit of TV together . Later Emily said it had been ok , it had been easier than she 'd thought . Last week saw a meeting with one of the Mental Health Workers and a number of people from school . We went through all the worries Emily has and what might help in particular situations . They had no problem with anything at all . They have been so accommodating . I thought when Emily asked to just do one lesson in the first week , that they would think it ridiculous . Far from it , it didn 't matter , whatever it takes to get her back in school with as little anxiety as possible . I was amazed and immensely grateful . They also agreed to move Emily to the opposite side of the school year so that she can attend some lessons with Mel . Again , I thought it a long shot , but they agreed it was a good idea , it will give her a new chance at friendships away from the failed attempts last spring . |
Gene Dall eased himself down the front steps . He shuffled across the courtyard in front of the apartments where he and Mom lived . He carried an empty pizza box under his arm , whistling through his teeth - Camptown Races . He enjoyed bringing the trash out to the dumpsters . It was kind of like his job . Sidetracked by something on the sidewalk , he bent over and picked it up . Probably a coin or a button . He put it in his pocket . Big Mare planned my father 's funeral regularly , especially when she had a crank on . Seems a shame she didn 't outlive him . She had everyone 's clothes picked out . Mom stood in the Women 's Department at Kohl 's , draping an unimaginative black turtleneck in front of her chest . She rattled on about my father and how he went out of his way to make her life miserable . How he anticipated her every action and planned his antagonistic rejoinder with laser precision . It seemed as impossible then as it does now . The man barely moves and only if there 's a sandwich or something covered in whipped cream involved . She grabbed cruelly at her stomach , pinching the dense inner tube that encircled her waist . My mother couldn 't understand why her pants were so snug . Her diet consisted mainly of coffee , tea and cake . " You never know , Mom . Grief is a powerful incentive . You may find yourself without an appetite during whatever illness eventually kills him . You could shed the weight , and everything in your closet will fit again . What are even we doing here ? " I put Gene Dall in some new shoes yesterday when I picked him up for a visit . I had gotten him two pairs in the summer , the same style in black and also , brown . He only has use for one set at a time , and he wore the black ones until they were beat to shit . " C ' mon . You have to change your pants anyway if you 're coming to my house . You can 't wear those . They have stains all over them . " He sat on the edge of the bed and did as he was asked . He is slow about everything he does , but cooperative and pleasant . I am lucky . So I helped him with his trousers , socks and new shoes . Dad went to the closet and reached for the blue cardigan my mother bought him , the winter before she got sick . It 's an old man 's sweater , but a nice one . He 's an old man , and a nice one . Just so long as it 's clean , he can wear what he wants . He never asks for her anymore . He used to , in the beginning . When she first went into the hospital and for a little while after that . Her illness changed his life rather abruptly . Suddenly , he had his own room in a lovely place , an environment of kindness that made him somewhat uneasy . He sat in a fancy chair in the common area with the other elderly folks . Like a big monkey in a library . I could hear the upsetment in his voice . It was mild , but real . It didn 't seem like he missed her . He might have , but I don 't think so . He just preferred when she was around . She made the food and told him when to do things . Like go to sleep and wake up , take the empty soda cans to the dumpster . At that point , the apartment had been emptied and her furniture , given away . Even if a miracle occurred , there really was no place for her to come back to . But Gene Dall wouldn 't understand that . And I couldn 't explain it to him , even if I tried . I started to explain what it is . A chicken stuffed inside a duck , stuffed inside a turkey . It 's hard to imagine . I guess you really have to see it to believe it . " I thought you were telling me a joke , " he said . " Will the boys be there ? " Rory and Desmond are ten and almost twelve . My husband and I are happily married and live together in the same house . Where the fuck else does my father think my children will be for the holiday ? Here 's what the doctor suggested . Get the stent installed . Then , maybe she could eat again . At the very least , it 'd encourage the passage of liquids beyond the tumor that blocked her esophagus . So we did what we were told . We got the stent installed . I brought my mother home after the procedure . She was weak and far from optimistic . I tried keeping my own expectations low . I wanted her to enjoy a bowl of soup and a cup of tea . It 'd be so great if she could do that again . I kissed her ' goodnight ' and turned off the lamp next to the bed . I checked on my children , dreaming sweetly down the hall . I crawled under the covers and stared at the ceiling . Several hours later , I heard her call my name . I ran down the corridor and found her twisted up in the blankets , gasping for breath . Her lungs had become resentful . We called for an ambulance . I followed the paramedics closely to Hackensack Hospital , wondering at every stoplight if she was taking her last few gulps of air in the back of that truck without me . I wished she wasn 't alone and I wasn 't alone . I wished a lot of different things . By the time I parked the car and located her in the Emergency Room , she was resting more comfortably , with those little oxygen tubes up her nose . I felt relieved . And also , disappointed . I didn 't want Big Mare to die , but every day was so scary . Her equipment was failing dramatically . I found myself wishing God would take her . But I guess He wasn 't ready . She 's a big commitment . So did I . The guy handcuffed to the gurney on the other side of the curtain reeked of it . Despite the winter weather , his feet were bare and black . The bottoms of his pant legs , torn and incinerated . Three uniformed officers lingered in the lobby . One dragged a chair from the reception area and sat in the doorway , talking into a duplex radio . My mother attempted to decode the conversation between the patrolman and his dispatcher . " There 's been a fire , " she translated . " He 's involved . " She gestured toward the burn victim . I grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser and filled a plastic cup with cold water . Big Mare no longer took any food or drink by mouth . What nutrition she could tolerate was introduced through a feeding tube in her stomach . I moistened the napkin and dabbed at her lips . They were so dry and cracked . My poor mom . Eugene was upset with his mother . She was upset with him . He 'd lost his job at the Dollar Store , and she 'd asked him to leave the house . During the course of the previous evening , he 'd gone downstairs to the basement and drank most of a large bottle of Rebel Yell . As the sun rose over the hills of Oakland , New Jersey beyond the small cape cod - style bungalow he grew up in , he emptied the remainder of the whiskey all over himself . He reached for a convenient container of gasoline that he found under a work bench and poured the contents over a pile of his dirty clothes . Then , he lit a match . " If she wanted me out so bad , " Eugene began , " she could have just said so . She didn 't have to call the cops . That bitch knows I got warrants . " " Your mother owns the home , and she didn 't want you there , Eugene . You should have left . Perhaps stay with a friend until things blew over . But you refused . And you did something really stupid . Now , you 're in a lot of trouble . " " Yeah , okay . I get that . And I appreciate what you 're saying . But you don 't know everything . I got a complicated history with that woman . She can 't just kick me out . It ain 't right . I 'm her son . " " But don 't you see ? Running away ain 't gonna solve nothing , " Eugene insisted , as if he had a valid point . I 'm sure he truly thought he did . Officer # 1 crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head . He glanced over at Big Mare and I . She waved , and he waved back . " Eugene , I 'm gonna share something with you , man - to - man . I have a tense relationship with my mother , too . She doesn 't care for my wife . She thinks she 's lazy . I married her anyway because she 's beautiful . Whenever we argue , I get the feeling my mother may be right . But I know better than to go back there and burn her house down . It 's a crime . " A nurse came in and checked on Big Mare 's vitals . Then , a doctor . She was stable , but going forward , would need oxygen . Her pipes were shot . " I 've got a question . Do you remember calling the cops on me the day I moved out ? " I stood on the stoop , waiting for my ride . I 'd made arrangements with a friend to stay with her family until the room I 'd rented was ready the following week . I had to make a break for it . I couldn 't stay , not one minute longer . My mother didn 't understand me . She wanted to control everything . She was trying to ruin my life . My situation was so unique . Besides , she had her own problems . And she wasn 't supposed to be hitting me anymore . I was 20 years old , a grown woman . I stood on the porch , clutching my worldly possessions . Two pillowcases filled with clothes and shoes , a few stuffed animals in a black garbage bag . I left the rest of them on the bed upstairs , the ones I didn 't like as much . A smiling banana from Rye Playland and the Easter bunny I 'd gotten from a young man who switched to boys after we dated . Big Mare came to the screen door , a half crazy look on her face . " Go ahead , then . Run away ! But if you ever come back here again , " she warned , " I swear to Christ , I 'll kill you . " " I thought they 'd make you stay . But they told me there was nothing I could do . You weren 't ready to be in the world , and I didn 't want anything to happen to you . " I watched my mother 's eyelids grow heavy and drop to her sunken cheeks . I took her hand and rubbed the loose skin that gathered at her wrist . I listened to the machines that lulled her to sleep . I thought about who I used to be and how I got to where I was . What I 'd be like once she was gone . I sit on the landing at the top of the stairs . Mommy told me you 'll be home soon , so I will stay right here . Today is my birthday , and you said you would bring the little radio home for me to have . I don 't care about anything else right now except the sight of you walking through that front door , carrying the present you promised . I 've seen transistors before . Some of my cousins have them . I can 't wait to get one of my own . Then I can listen to music all the time . If a song comes on that I do not like , I only have spin the dial and switch the station to something else . Finally , I will figure out the words to " Spirit in the Sky . " It feels like my entire life 's about to change . I imagine a big celebration where the whole family is together . Aunts , uncles and all of us kids . Someone whistles and yells , " Shut up , you clowns ! Little Mary 's gonna sing . " The room will get quiet as one of the grown - ups lifts me onto the table . I step between the ashtrays and half - empty glasses of beer , taking requests throughout the night . It is a dream of mine to be everyone 's favorite . But right now , I feel like I have to pee . Mommy let me have some ginger ale with my lunch , and I drank the whole can . I go back inside the apartment . The door to the bathroom is closed . My sister likes to read books while she 's on the toilet . At this rate , I 'll never get in there . I return to my perch in the foyer and cup myself with two hands as I sit back down . I can smell the dinner Eleanor is preparing for her children on the first floor . My mother can 't stand the folks who live downstairs . They are quiet and keep to themselves . They complain to the landlord whenever we have company . The parties are too loud . Plus , there 's always fights . It 's scary when somebody falls down the steps . I hear a key in the lock of the outside door and see a shadow in the hallway . It 's Eleanor 's husband . He is tall and seems nice . He and his wife hold hands in church . I bet he doesn 't drink . Last week , he taught his youngest boy how to ride a bike . I watched them from my bedroom window . The father ran alongside , up and down the street . Barely holding the seat and then , letting go . He never once raised his voice , except to shout , " Good job , son ! " I shared the news with Mommy . She was in the kitchen , stabbing some tuna fish to death with a fork . " Gregory 's training wheels are off ! He learned how after just a few tries . " Gregory . Mom caught him on several occasions , scratching his bare hiney across the bricks in the alley . The last time , he gave her lip when she scolded him . Sometimes , I can 't decide if Mommy is a hero or a monster . I think maybe she is both . I stand up and try to readjust my discomfort . Now , I really need to pee . I attempt to get my mother 's attention . She is on the phone , engrossed in a conversation that could last the remainder of my lifetime . I 'll have to keep the details brief . When I head back into the vestibule , I try to pinch my cooter closed so the water will stay in . It 's no use . I feel the warmth spreading beneath my seat . I am emptying my bladder into my pants . The pee soaks right through my clothes to the carpet on the top step . My socks and slippers are drenched . It takes a few seconds for the whole thing to be over . I am momentarily relieved . And then , there you are . I can tell immediately that you 're not right . It takes you forever to find your house key and open the door . Holding the walls as you climb the stairs , you lurch toward me . Pausing midway , you sigh . I 'm afraid I will startle you , that you 'll fall backward and break your neck . You stop and look toward my voice . You manage a smile . Now , I know you 're drunk . You seldom smile otherwise . I 've grown to hate that look on your face . Loving you is difficult . You say nothing . You have no idea what I 'm talking about . I move closer to the railing so you can pass . You lean on my shoulder and push yourself through the narrow space . I can hear the squish of the wet rug as you press beyond the doorway and into the living room . Mommy starts to holler . There 'll be no little radio tonight . I cover my ears and start to sing . I make up my own words to " Spirit in the Sky . " The last thing I ever stole was my copy of AA 's Daily Reflections . I could have bought it . I had the money . But I was too afraid to ask anybody about the literature on display at the meetings . I wanted that little book very badly . I imagined myself reading it and not having to get high anymore . I guess I was clean about a month . I was going to meetings daily and sometimes at night . I 'd gotten myself a sponsor , a nurse named Renee . I was terrified to have a conversation with this person I didn 't know . We weren 't friends , and I saw myself as a nuisance . She assured me that wasn 't the case and encouraged me to volunteer for a service commitment . I signed up to make the coffee on Saturday mornings . My husband came with me the first couple of times , just to make sure I went . We 'd stop at the supermarket to get supplies - big canisters of joe , milk and a few packages of Oreos . I saved my receipts and was always reimbursed for whatever dough I spent at the store . No matter how simple the task , my brain was filled with anxiety . What if they hated the cookies I got ? How much milk did we need ? Who in their right mind drinks decaf ? Occasionally , the assembly hall was locked . I 'd have to walk next door to the police station and get the key that opened the door to the little building . Depending on the state of my delicate ego , I couldn 't decide if it felt like responsibility or punishment . I liked being there in the kitchenette before the other folks came along . The room reminded me of the house I grew up in , preserved in time by wood paneling , years of simultaneous abuse and neglect . The formica countertop and greasy pepper shaker , a handful of mismatched utensils and a small radio with a busted antennae . Like life on an old boat , abandoned at sea . I turned the lights on and adjusted the thermostat . David and I rinsed out the big metal urns and packed them with leaded and unleaded . The comforting smell of Maxwell House filled the room . When he left , I fussed over my preparations like a twelve years old , fretfully awaiting the arrival of unfamiliar party guests . I wondered what would happen if I just didn 't show up . I envisioned the locked door , the empty percolators and unwrapped stacks of styrofoam cups . I entertained these new thoughts while referring to the old ones . I was really tired of feeling like a failure . I didn 't want to be the cause of any more disappointment . I was fresh out of ideas and excuses . I had nowhere else to go . The Daily Reflections looks like a prayer book . Maybe that 's why I zeroed in on it . I wanted to rediscover how to talk to God and have a sincere relationship with Him . I didn 't feel capable of making that happen by myself , and I thought the little book would help . But making a purchase would involve asking questions , and I wasn 't confident I could do that either . Not without crying , anyway . So , I stole it . I slipped the missal into my jacket pocket and brought it home . I even cleared a spot on the corner of my nightstand and set it there . Despite this crime and my fragile sobriety , waking up became easier . I reached for a Daily Reflection first thing every morning . I started to understand the hope in each passage I read . For the first time in many years , it felt like my mind and heart were cooperating with one another . I was thinking before I spoke and making small , sound decisions . I 'm pretty sure this was prayer . In no time at all , I was turning to God directly and often . I looked forward to meetings and felt more comfortable sharing with the group . I listened to the stories of other alcoholics and addicts . I shared my own . We discussed our progress and plans for survival in a world without drugs or alcohol . Despite a strong program of recovery , there will always be moments in time that have the potential to turn unprotected thoughts into shitty decisions . They can jeopardize the happiness and peace of mind I 've come to recognize as my beautiful life . It doesn 't matter how much sober time I have . I need to always be mindful of these moments because they are very real . And quite dangerous . Compared to the complications of addiction , recovery is a piece of cake . I am present and focused , contributing to the world in positive ways . My mind is open . I remember things . My heart is available to experience the most extraordinary feelings . I 'm able to see with great clarity the improvements I am making in my life and identify progress as it develops and unfolds . But until the day I die , there 's always gonna be that something inside of me . Something destructive and reckless . Something that wants to pick up a chair and throw it through a fucking window . Maybe head outside and lay down in the grass for a while . Take it all in . That 's the part I can 't explain . Let 's say I 'm driving along . The kids could be with me when it happens . A super sunny afternoon or a cloudy one . Weather is everywhere . Some music on the radio . A tune that reminds me of a person , place or thing . Maybe I slept poorly or had too much coffee . These are merely moments . They 're brought about by microseismic shifts in my brain that occur when I least expect them . Moments that can dump my world on its ass and drag me right back to where I started . When I return , they are both engrossed in their little games . It 's almost as if I never left . I check my mirrors , pull away from the curb and head toward the house . I thought briefly about the person who might have left these important food processing tools behind . I mean , consider the troublesome pork chop or corn - on - the - cob . What a nightmare . Truth be told , I 've walked away from lots of things so I realize it 's possible . But teeth are a big sacrifice . I would have torn the place apart until I found them . There she is again . That girl . She wanders around the neighborhood near my job . There 's lots of them actually . They come and go with no routine or pattern . They pop up between cars , emerging from the stairwell of the parking garage . They are mostly interested in the men with whom they can make eye contact , the coach buses and tractor trailers that linger at the light on 10th Avenue . I work for a sports and media production firm on the West Side . I have a loose grasp of what that means . I answer the phones and do clerical things . The folks in my department are fun . Beyond that , I 'm not really interested and I don 't feel as though it 's important . I live in Queens . Every morning , I drag myself up the subway stairs and walk across Times Square to the office . I am always hung over and sometimes , still drunk . I am awake most of the night . I drink and snort whatever I can find and afford . Over the last few years , these occasional hobbies have steadily become my thing . My life is an illusion of pretense and secrecy . I wobble along on a tightrope between two worlds . Each performance lifts my high wire act further and further from the ground . Whenever I look down , it throws off my balance . So I stare straight ahead into the glare of my own self - destruction . I see her as I get closer to the building . She has not slept either , I 'm guessing . She pretty much keeps to a four or five block radius . Always wearing the same pair of acid washed jeans and a denim vest . I 've watched her change her shirt right here on the sidewalk . Take the old top off , stuff it into a garbage can and put the new one on . She seems to live in a disposable world . Today , she has a big stain on her pants . I wonder if maybe she sat on a wet bench or in the grass . But based on the location of the dark patch between her legs , I realize it 's probably pee . Or spooge . And now , it is drying . She pulls the comb out from her back pocket and stops in the sideview mirror of a van parked at the curb . She pushes her cheek against the window so she can check her makeup . She is pleased with what she sees . If you saw her , you 'd know something is wrong . From a distance , she appears to be intact . Just a girl walking down the street . It 's only when you get closer that you realize everything is fucked up . There are cuts all over her face , her outfits are torn and filthy . She might be hobbling along on a single flip - flop . At lunchtime , she is at the deli . The girls aren 't allowed in the store , generally speaking , but the men behind the counter at Smiler 's let them use the bathroom if they buy something . Ice water is free , but the cup is a nickel . Her cup is pretty beat up . I never see her eating anything . My co - workers and I stand in line behind her . She can be erratic , so we keep a little distance between us . I can 't help but stare . She is like a toothless jack - o - lantern hollowed out on the inside , with only the dimmest flicker of light behind the triangles where her eyes used to be . I wonder what her life was like when she had one . I buy my juice and chips , and we leave . " I don 't , " adds Catherine . " I 've seen how mean she can be . She punched a guy in the ear outside the hardware store . " I followed this girl for a little bit one day , just to see where she scores her rock . There 's a dude in Kew Gardens that I go to and another closer to the house , but it 's good to have resources just in case somebody 's not around . One dealer is very friendly . He is married , and his wife is nice . But he isn 't always there when I ring the bell . So I really have to get with other people . Her guy is young and Spanish , with a sweet face and a sinister hairstyle that turns his look evil . It is pointy in the front and slicked back on the sides . He hangs out in one of two doorways near the park . Four costs twenty dollars . It is a quick swap and while I walk away , I start thinking of excuses to leave work early . I try to count them , separating each vial with my fingers without taking my hand out of my pocket . I never go back to complain if there 's less . Only to get more . Once he gave me five by accident . I do not check to see exactly what I have until I 'm in the bathroom at work . Then I can admire my accomplishment . I sit in my boss 's office , completing a project on her computer . She is in a meeting at the end of the hall . When I 'm certain that no one is looking , I reach below her desk and remove ten dollars from her billfold . I drop the wallet back into her purse and tuck what I 've stolen inside my shoe . I rifle through her top drawer and palm some quarters . I make a nice salary , but there 's never any money left over . I have no savings , and I am always broke . I know in my heart what I 'm doing is theft , but I try to convince myself it is merely an opportunity to improve my unfortunate situation . My boss is a lovely woman . She is bright and successful . She 'd never suspect me of ripping her off . It almost makes me feel protective of her . She can be so naive . One time when we were in the elevator together and it was very crowded , I pulled on the arm of her jacket . They are installing a security system in our building . Right now , we have a buzzer and after hours , a doorman , but he is unreliable . Plus , he lets the girls come inside when the weather is cold or he needs a blow job . This evening , she is laid out on the tile in the lobby , the one I told you about . It is upsetting to see her like this . She doesn 't appear to be hurt , simply unconscious . She is wearing just a bra and sweatpants . No shoes , and the bottoms of her feet are black . As our group spills into the hallway from the stairs , we step over her to get out the front door . We stand on the sidewalk for a minute , trying to figure out what , if anything , can be done . I personally have no idea , and besides , I am afraid of her . How weird . It sounds like we 're talking about a dog , an animal that is no longer viable . I peer back into the foyer at her motionless body . People really do get sick of seeing this shit . Two more people exit the building . They work in the office on the first floor . One of them goes back inside to call the cops . With help on the way , the excitement is over . A few of us begin to walk toward the avenue . I create some fake important tasks and events that require my attention this weekend . I don 't plan on doing any of these things . Instead , I will be fucked up both days . Beginning right now . I look out the window . It 's starting to rain . I see the boy with the devil 's haircut . He is walking with a girl . They cross the street together , headed toward the park . I was with this boy on a fire escape after the St . Patrick 's Day Parade one year . I was not fond of the parade itself . I didn 't . . . There 's a new little book in the world that I 'm very proud of . It 's called The Roustabout Heart , Adventures in Recovery . It & . . . I left a bunch of empty beer cans behind in an upstairs closet when I left home . Maybe nine or ten . I slid them into the pockets of my fat . . . I think I might be getting better at drinking . Like maybe I 'm learning how to pace myself or something . I hope so . I hate when I get . . . |
Pauline is a single mom of three . Her three children have been adversely affected by the " new world " and are still small and unable to care for themselves . Small as in impossibly small , she carries them around with her where ever she goes . She is content in her solitary life . She hunts and gathers food for herself and her children , she steals clothes and books from where ever she finds them and devours knowledge on anything and teaches it to the kami ( children ) SHe is profoundly distrustful of anything and anyone and any situation . She avoids others at all costs and has sequestered herself in a small abandoned area . The town is void of all life except small mammals , some plants and her . There is an abandoned factory in which she resides on the top floor . Inside the factory there is a library probably from the previous owner . She reads anything she can get her hands on and occasionally will make trips to find more books . He is handsome and whole and seems human , though badly scarred . Pauline names him raven after the story the raven , which she just read . They live together and begin forming a family unit . The kamie begin growing and become happier and somewhat self reliant . Thanks to ravens powers The raven leaves . Pauline wakes up one day and he is just gone . Unable to understand what has happened she does what she never thought she 'd do and takes off on ajourney throught the world to find him . In her quest she meets many people , of every kind . SOme help her and some make her unhappy , but she plows on looking fort he happiness that she believes raven holds . In the course of the journel she rediscovers family and community and human interaction , both good and bad . She realizes that she is her own protagonist , that raven is not the bad guy , and the people who have hurt her are not either . She must overcome her own boundaries in order to be happy . She is given gifts as she meets people along the way , some " too good to be true " and some tht are actually helpful . Pauline is unable to distinguisht he good from the bad and carries all of them with her . The climax occurs when She meets Raven and during their interaction he takes her backpack from her and empties it of everything other than what she needs . She then realizes that she had been creating her own burdens the entire time . We never knew who did it , or how , or if they are still alive anymore . We just knew that the world was going insane so we ran away . It was suppose to be a time of hope , but as government , civilization , and communities began to implode , the few people left untouched knew it was a lie . The world changed and everyone forgot everything from before . Names , places , time … We lived apart from each other and soon , many of us were not even recognizable as human anymore . No one was interested in what happened before the world went dark , no one but him … him and me . * Physical Description : ( eye color , hair color , distinguishing features - scars , tattoos , what makes him / her stand out ? ) SHe has gray eyes , dark stringy hair , eyes too big for her head and she is always tired and it shows on her face . She had a little girl quality about her that makes her seem helpless but she is more than capable of taking care of herself . She wears whatever clothing she can find in the abandoned buidlings around her . * Marital status : ( married , divorced , single , kids ? ) THe Kami are her children , but due to the environment they are underdevloped and small . She does not remember anything about her past int he beginning , but more comes back to her as hte story goes on . * Family background : Are parents still living ? What is the character 's relationship with mother , father , siblings ? She has no family that she knows about other than the Kami . She finds family throughout the story including members of her actually family that have deserted her and people that will become her family . * Emotional status : What major problems is your character facing and what is his or her reaction to those problems ? Pauline is faced with the prospect of having more than she can ever remember having and looses it as quickly . She is unable to return to the solitary life she had before and goes searching for what she believes is her happiness . She feels responsible for everything that happens around her and is very untrusting . It is what lead to her loosing her happiness in the first place . * Extra detail - fill in as needed - What would your character eat for breakfast ? What is his or her favorite song ? What books are on his bookshelf ? Pauline goes out early every morning in order to find food for her and the kami . They may eat dead rat or they may luck out and have canned peas . Sometimes she can find berries . Pauline hums everywhere she goes , making her own music . She doesn 't know what she 's humming , only that it is something in her head from before … before what ? I don 't know . She read and learned everything she can . She doesn 't remember it all but she teaches herself everything she can and the kami as well . She found him sitting atop a huge wall . He flew at her ripping and tearing . She protected the kami from his wrath but she did not run . She hurt and bled but she would not leave . She tried not to listen , to ignore the ever present eyes and annoying voice but she still heard . THe kami heard too and their glow began to fade . She had to be strong for her kami . She closed her eyes and listened to herself . She knew she was a good person . She couldn 't help who she loved . She imagined the peacockhen getting smaller and quieter . When she opened her eyes , it was as big as a bug … In her dark little world she had three Kami that she cherished and protected from the darkness . One day a Great Raven came to her and told her if she would love him and only him and call him God , he would take care of her and her Kami and protect them . The Raven caused butterflies in her stomach to flutter and whisper things to her , and they told her to agree . The girl laid down with the Raven and they made plans for a future together , he taught her about bleeding and how to make others bleed to protect herself and the Kami . He taught her about passion and how to be happy again and her life was not so dark . The Raven had flown to an even darker part of the world that she knew but did not remember . She found him sitting atop a massive wall blocking the trees , the clouds and the sky from view , the site of him made the butterflies flutter . When he saw her he flew away again . She continued to follow and finally asked him why he was running away . The only answer he gave her was he didn 't love her anymore , the butterflies got very upset and told Pauline to not believe him . He stared at her with his black eyes and waited for her to leave , but she would not . He made her bleed and hurt but still she would not leave . The butterflies said keep trying , wait , stay with him no matter what . He flew away leaving her in the dark woods with her Kami . She sat and cried for what felt like hours , the butterflies cried , the Kami cried . She thought things would be better if she died . Her god had forsaken her and he was all she believed in . She thought to bash her head in or jump of a cliff . Turning , she came face to face with a peahen , her proud peacock strutting behind her . They looked disdainfully at her and her appearance and looked toward where the raven had been . " Look at you , stupid girl , you 're a mess , you can not love the raven , you are not allowed to love him , it is a terrible thing you have done loving him . You allowed him to make you dirty and useless . " The girl ignored the Peahen and began walking back toward her home . She whispered to the Kami to not be afraid and to not listen to the peahen . " That Raven will hurt your Kami , he is awful too , you are both terrible horrible people . " The peahen was following her , glancing back , she saw that the peacock was close behind , but the girl still did not say anything . She just walked with her head hung , hugging her Kami to her tightly . When she walked through the door of her house the peahen and peacock followed her still berating her . She put the Kami in their soft spot so that she could cook dinner . She lit the stove and the flames jumped up warming the house . " You can 't cook , you don 't know how to take care of these Kami , You don 't deserve to live , you are worthless an do not deserve those Kami , give them to me ! ! " The peahen and peacock made to take the Kami and the girl Grabbed both birds by their necks . Shaking them violently , feathers began to fly around the room . The girl opened the stove and through the birds into the oven . Gathering the feathers , she put them into a vase and sat them outside the door . Long ago , there was a king and queen . They rules over a very small country , but the country loved their rulers very much . However , the king and queen did not love each other . Behind closed doors the two would argue and scream at each and occasionally the queen would try to kill the king . Their arguments were always over their subjects . The queen would watch them every day and tell the king about it . " The baker and the milkmaid are are together to much , I think we should tell the bakers wife . The cloth merchant has been talking to little girls , I think he 's going to hurt them , I think we should do something . " The queen have every good intention , she only wanted to help her subjects , but the king too did his own watching . " The milkmaid is talking to the baker , flaunting her milk jugs and creating distraction . You can not blame a man for looking at something in front of him . The Cloth merchant is our best business man and he only talks to the street urchins . " The arguments would start this way every night . The Queen saying the men in town were responsible and the king making excuses for them . It soon became a contest between the two of them to see who could see more of their subjects indescretions and every night they would scream their point of view to one another as they fault through the night . Their subjects did not know this and thought that the couple were happy . At night the screams would be muffled by the walls but the people outside the castle could hear it . They though that the castle must have an awful enchantment upon it to create such horrendous noises at night , so fearing for the safety of their beloved queen and king , they called a magician to rid the castle of the enchantment . When the magician arrived in town he saw the king and queen at their wondows in the castle staring down at the people with lenses . Upon entering the castle he saw that every window had a lens at it and paper . On the paper was written all the indescretions of the townsfolk . ' Butcher stole bread from Baker while he was kissing milkmaid , Sheriff was with Cleric behind church , Strret urchin stole fruit from vendors cart . ' Every little thing that had happened in the town was written doan on these peices of paper that were everywhere . Going up to the balconey the magician introduced himself . " I intend to stay to release your castle from the enchantment it is under . I will watch the two of you closely to see who the enchanted one is , or if it is something else . " The King and queen tried to convince him that there wasn 't an enchantment upon them , that they were fine and happy as always , but their pleading would not convince him , and as they were afraid of his magic , they did not argue with him any longer . The queen ran about the castle giding the papers , thinking the magician had not seen them yet . She did not want anyone to know that she was watching them , she didn 't want to be watched by this magician either . The more she thought about smeone watching her the more outraged she got . The king ran about the catle gathering up the lenses thinking that the magician had not seen them yet . He did not want the magician to know he had been watching the townfolk , he did not want the magician watching him , the more he thought about it the more it outraged him . He went to his wife and for the first time since they both said " I do " they agreed on something . They had to get rid of the magician . " Don 't talk to me like I am dimwitted ! " And the fight began . Soon they were screaming and yelling over what to do about the magician , who had been listening to the entire argument from the door . He cursed them , hoping they would learn something . The more they screamed and argued the higher and scratchier their voices got until soon they were screeching instead of screaming . For every person that they watched and spied on they had another eye added to them . They were so consumed with everyone elses business , ( and not very self - aware , ) and soon the kingdom heard no more quarreling from the castle , just the noises of birds . The magician went to the queen and king and looked down on them in their new bodies . " I had hoped that you would learn to stop quarelling and spying , but it is obvious to me that you can not . So , you will stay in your new forms , forever watching . The magician took up the papers and gave them to the townspeople explaining that the king and queen had been spying on them all this time . The Townspeople chased the Peahen and Peacock and as they chased them they pulled at the feathers which were the eyes with which they had spied on them . Each person put a feather outside their door so they could see if someone was watching them . But they were sure to not use the eyes to watch other people . The girl put the Kami to bed and laid down next to them . As she slept she dreamed . Raven came to her and told her he wanted her still , he looked into her eyes as he always had and told her to come find him . The girl woke up and believed her dream nd the buterflies told her to believe . She took her Kami and began walking . She walked for days and slept very little looking for Raven . Sometimes she thought she saw him , but it would be just another bird who looked similar . Every little hope would cause the butterflies to flutter about , and the girl found it hard to eat when the butterflies did that , so she was soon weak . One afternoon she sat and rested with the Kami , they had changed , they were no less beautiful , but they were now different , heavier and brighter . She kissed each one and laid her back against a tree closing her eyes to get some rest . " Do you like my music little lady " She wasn 't sure but she thought that this toad would be ugly even to other toads , but he was making the beautiful music . She thought she could forget about the toads countenance if only to listen to the music . When she smiled the toad tried to smile . " What are you doing in these dark woods ? " She noticed that he eyed the Kami while he talked to her , but they were quite beautiful , so she thought he might be dazzled . She remembered the peahen 's reaction to her and the Raven and decided to not mention him . " This is a dangerous wood to travel in , you might be hurt … " " I can take care of myself . " The Toad gave her a knowing look . " Nonsense , I insist , just a meal between new friends … I like to help people , it 's what I do . This one time … " The toad droned on and on for a long time about all the great things he had done and people he had helped . She didn 't really listen to the stories but his voice lulled her into a trance . Soon they were at his house . Upon entering the toads home the girl was overtaken with the scent of filth and decay . She held her nose and her tongue for fear of insulting the toad who was being so kind to her . He lead her to the pantry which was filled floor to ceiling with every food imaginable . She stepped in to begin feasting but the toad stopped her . " First you must do something for me , " he croaked , sounding like the most melodious music , entrancing the girl . She followed him into a small room which was the most filthy of all and smelled of death . He coaxed her into his bed and had his way with her . The girl stood to run away but the toads voice lured her back to him . This went on for many days and the girl began wasting away . Overtaken by hunger she was too weak to fight back . Every day she would try to look at the toad , hoping to feel something for him , but felt nothing . Her eyes always rested on a silver pendent that hung from his neck , She studied it every day and every night while she felt the hunger pains cramp her stomach . Finally the toad , fearing he would loose his prize , allowed her to eat . He carried her on his back into the pantry , for she was too weak to walk , all the time admonishing her for things she didn 't do , but making her believe that she needed him . She heard all the words and they crept into her soul making her weep for the horrible person she had become . He left her alone to eat and she weakly picked at the food slowly becoming stronger and stronger . Soon she was eating great hunks of cheese and handfuls of bread and her senses came back to her . She was not the horrible person he said , she had taken care of her Kami before he came along just fine , she did not need him . Tearing off two small pieces of bread she put them into her ears . She stood testing her legs which she had not used in days . She walked up and down the pantry eating foods from the top shelves and regaining her strength . Upon hearing the rustling from the pantry the toad returned speaking in his musical way to seduce her back into complacency . The voice filtered through the bread sounded harsh and biting , the girl could no longer her the entrancing music . When he stepped into the pantry he had the kami upon his back . The sight enraged the girl , how dare he treat them as if they were his ! Grabbing a cheese knife from the shelf the girl ran at the toad and cut his throat spilling his black blood on the ground . She took her kami from his back cradling them in her arms and went back in the pantry . She fed the Kami and stuffed her pockets with foods for later . She stepped over the body of the toad and began to leave but remembering the pendent , turned and leaned down to take it . Holding the pendent in her hands she could see the word Strength on the back on the tiny mandolin shape . She put it in her pocket with the food and stepped out the door . Shielding her eyes from the bright sun she looked up to see the Raven watching her , the butterflies fluttered in their happy way , excited to see him . When he knew she was watching he flew away again . She tried to stand but her legs would only carry her a little way and she stumbled over to the wall beating on it as the Raven flew over . " Hello ? Who 's there ? " She sat and waited and noticed a movement . Turning her head quickly she saw . Far above her head but still not near the top of the wall , a pair of eyes were blinking . She walked up to the wall and poked it . " He he … stop that . " A gigantic head looked down at her and sighed . She got the distinct impression that he didn 't want to talk to her . Stepping out of the wall the thing moved toward her . It was a large man - shaped section of wall . " What are you doing out here all alone ? " " I 'm looking for Raven , he flew over the wall . I can 't find a way over it or through it … " Frustrated she kicked the wall again . " Oh no , see here , no need for that . I will help you get over it … later . Right now lets talk , I haven 't talked to anyone in a long time , and when we are done talking I will protect you while you sleep . " She looked at the wall and thought about how the toad had used her and Raven had left her . She knew she didn 't want to be hurt again , but she also wanted someone to talk to . Some people will try to tell you that the Toad was once a prince , but it 's not true . He 's always been a toad . Although he was once human . When he was young he was considered a great talent in music . He traveled far and wide seeking his fortune through song . One day he came to a town in which was told to have the greatest menstral ever . Toad wanted to see this person because he believed he was the best . He believed it so much that he head had gotten big . His belly had gotten big because he believed that the only thing that mattered was his music and he could eat whatever he wanted and not worry about it , cause his music would save him . He even thought that his music would bring him love , that he could play so well , that women would not care what he looked like or acted like . When he walked into the room the menstrel knew instantly why he was there and went to talk to him . " Boy , I can see that you head is big from your music , but music is not everything . You need to have other things in life . Music will not give you what you everthing you need . It is part of your soul , not you . " But Toad brushed his hand off , his pride too strong . " Then they are not good deeds . " Toad did not understand , he just stoo and waited for the man to play . " Too much pride will turn you green boy . " And the man stepped up on stage and began to play . The music danced and twirled around th room causeing every person to sway and turn to it . The man closed his eyes and played a song that spoke of pain and heartbreak and trauma . The more Toad listened the greener he got . When the man finished playing he stepped down to Toad and looked down on him . " I 'm afriad you will be stuck like that boy till you loose that pride . " and he walked away from the toad shaking his head . Toad hopped out of the bar and found a Witch Doctor , hoping he could cure him . " I can make you a Ju Ju . As long as you wear it , you will have the most beautiful voice ever . It will draw people to you , but is you never learn to loose your pride , you will always been a toad . " " I 'll take it . " the Toad though as long as he could lure someone to him with his music they would stay , he didn 't have to change anything else . He didn 't care how he looked , cause his music was that good . They talked all night and when the morning came she fell asleep beside Stonewall and felt safe . When she woke up she looked up to find the stone face looking down at her . They continued this way for several days , talking and sleeping and enjoying each others company . Stonewall never again offered to help her over the big wall and she didn 't want to ask , for fear of seeming rude . One day he handed her a small smooth stone , it was shaped like a heart and though it was made of stone it was very warm . " I wanted to give you something special . This will help you not get hurt as easily . " He grinned at her and she rested her head on his arm . She was content for the moment . The problem was keeping the Kami hidden from him . She did not show the Kami to Stonewall , fear residing in her now from her recent experiences with the peahen and the toad . Stonewall asked her one day about what she was hiding , but she refused to tell him . Stonewall became more stoney and sullen after that . The next morning when she awoke , Stonewall was gone . He was not hiding in the wall , there wasn 't any footprints or tracks , he had just disappeared . She sat for a very long time waiting for Stonewall to return , wondering why it seemed like people she liked disappeared . She considered looking for Stonewall but she was already looking for Raven . At the thought of him the butterflies fluttered awake , whispering his name spurring her into action . She stood hurriedly , checked the Kami , kissing each one and began walking . He was considered one of the greatest princes of all time . He had the stature or mind and body to make him a king , but he had one problem . He could not be with a woman . Because of this he would never have an heir to the throne and the kingdom would be lost . The king knew this and sent the prince out to find a princess that he could be with . He traveled to the faurthest reaches of the globe to find her . On a tiny remote country in the middle of the ocean he was convinced that he had found her . He sent word to the king and made arrangements to marry the princess , but before the night before they were to wed , the princess saw the prince in the water . He was bathing outside the castle in the moonlight and she could see that part of him was made of stone . The stone scared the princess and she ran away . When the prince came home without bride the king decided to find another heir for the throne , and the prince was fine with that . He left the kingdom and went into the woods . He slowly became more and more stone like . Soon he was completely covered in stone and he would find himself sitting alone for weeks or evern months at a time . He belives that every person who has ever betrayed him in anyway has made him stone . Really it is his fear that has made him stone . He keeps everyone at a distance and refuses to feel anything . That is why he is made of stone . He was born with a stone heart , and that is why the king knew he would never be with a woman . She was on the far side of the swamp now , not far from her was a pile of mud . It was well over her head , close to the size of Stonewall , but not nearly as wide . She tilted her head from side to side slowly , trying to discern the exact nature of the thing , when a glint of something shiny caught her eye . She began to back away at the realization that the mud was holding a large knife . As she walked backward the mud began to take more form and she realized she was looking at a large man , his face covered by long mud hair . He was not as big as Stonewall , but was still several feet taller than her . He did not seem to move fast and her senses took over . She began to run . She was quickly out of sight of him . Slowing down to rest her legs she looked at the Kami and saw that they were quite dirty . Off in the distance she could see the delicate diamond sparkle of sunlight upon water . When she reached it she cleaned the Kami and made sure they were as beautiful as ever and sat them aside so that she could clean herself . Looking into the water she felt the darkness in her mind slip away and it was replaced with a brilliance that glittered like the water . Just beneath the surface under her own reflection she saw the faces of beautiful women . Their hair a gleaming green over large green eyes , they moved like the water and beckoned her to come in . She wanted the brilliance , and the brightness , she did not want to return to the darkness again and they could give her the light , even better than Raven had . The butterflies protested , trying to remind her what they were doing , but the voices were stronger , they could make her happy , and as her eyes sparkled with promises of light and love she did not see her Kami . " Desist yee evil Kelpies ! Unhand the Lady and her precious cargo ! " The voice broke the spell the girl was under . She realized she was waist deep in the water and her Kami were being taken out of the hands of a dead kelpie by a man who seemed to be growing out of the back of his horse . " Mi ' Lady , I am at your service . " He bent as low as he could , considering , and sat up to look at her with a bright smile . She couldn 't help but smile back . " I am Leth O . Logica , defender of truth with my sword of logic I roam the dark world helping those who find themselves … um … where they … don 't know where … they are … " " Here , this is mine , but I do not need it . " He handed her a bag with a long strap . " It 's a heart bag and will keep them close . " Smiling at Leth , she let him lead her away from the water . Behind her she could hear the sounds of the Kelpies calling to her to come back . As they walked , they talked about different things , she told him her story and he tried to help , he even knew Stonewall but only offered her knowledge she had of him already . She became aware of a a feeling like home . This was someone who was not trying to use her or take the kami away . She smiled to herself . They stepped out into a clearing and to their left the wall loomed large and menacing . " The only way to get through that wall is to tear it down . Destroy it . " She thought about it , but didn 't think she could do it by herself . " You 're Pauline silly . " He smiled at her in an exasperated but friendly way . " Now I have to go , but I will be around . If you need me just … you know … say my name … " He turned on his horse and scooted away . She watched him go until she couldn 't see him anymore . A sound caught her attention and she looked up to see Raven flying overhead toward the wall , the butterflies awoke violently screaming run , run catch him , we need him ! She ran trying to catch up to him but tripped and began to fall . The earth did not come up to meet her as it should have . Instead she was engulfed by blackness and continued to fall instead of stopping . Below her she could see a light . Falling through an opening into a large room she landed on a comfortable bed . She didn 't see anyone when she looked around the room but she could feel someone looking at her . She closed her eyes and tried to hear where their breathing was coming from and slowly she titled her head toward the ceiling . " Oh yeah , I 'm fine , that 's why the bed is there , I fall a lot … and run into things . But it 's ok , I don 't mind . " She jumped up and began walking around the well furnished cave . " You want anything to eat or drink ? Can I get you anything or help … " Pauline heard a loud bump and Brianna had run into a wall while trying to carry an armful of food and treats . She couldn 't help but giggle at the bat . " Thanks , I 'd like something to drink . I 've been walking a long time , but I can get it myself . " Pauline jumped up when she saw Brianna heading for the glasses . " I don 't have a lot of visitors down here and usually if I do it 's people I don 't want to see … the peahen is always sticking her nose in around here . It 's so aggravating . " Pauline didn 't even know if the peahen was still alive anymore , but she decided to not mention that . Pauline and Brianna talked for hours and Pauline was able to get rest for the first time in a very long time . The next day Pauline didn 't want to leave . She had shown Brianna her Kami and Brianna didn 't want to take them , but wanted to help Pauline take care of them . They walked out together and at the mouth of the cave Brianna told Pauline goodbye and reminded her that all she had to do if she needed her was call . Pauline stepped out into the world with the knowledge that she had two friends on her side . Her light was back and the dark was receding . She finally had people who were there for her . It seemed like she had been trying to find this sense of family forever . The sunlight shone on the tall grass and the wind blew it gently , the butterflies in her stomach were calm and quiet . It was peaceful in this part of the world . Pauline took the Kami out of her heart bag and smiled at them . They were still changing , different but still the same . She kissed them and tucked them back into the bag and began walking . For a few moments she forgot everything . Then she heard a twig break and turned to look . Lumbering out of the edge of the forest was the mud creature carrying a large knife and headed toward her . She could tell he was somewhat human , but she could not see a face , just a mud covered figure . She turned and began walking away . She once again became aware of the oppressive presence of the wall to her left . Turning to look back she saw that he was closer though he was not running . His long stride made him catch up to her without really even trying . She picked up her pace and grasped the Kami to her heart , soon she was running full tilt leaving the mud man behind her . Taking a breath she slid down the tree to the ground . All around her were fruits that had fallen . She looked up into the branches and saw plenty more fresh ones . She stood up and began climbing . She stretched out on the branch and reached for the fruit . She didn 't think she could reach it and the branch seemed to move of it 's on accord and suddenly it was within reach . She took a bite and and chewed . It was sweet at first but became more bitter . Then she heard something , it was faint , so she listened harder . A faint buzz had begun in her ears , it became louder and louder . Pauline was able to make out words and then whole sentences . " You are nothing , You can 't do anything right , You don 't fit , You 're all wrong . " The voices were not very loud , almost like they were inside her , but the butterflies only spoke about Raven and these voices were different . " Why don 't you try to be more like everyone else , why don 't you stop running and do what everyone else does and just stand , why don 't you forget about what your looking for and settle for what you have ? " These voices were soft and persuasive , but still seemed wrong to her ears . " You 're a slob ! You 're a horrible , horrible person ! Why can 't you just do what your suppose to do ? ! " The voices ere changing , angry , passive , upset … and they were all screaming at Pauline . She couldn 't move from the branch , she suddenly had fear where before she didn 't . The ground seemed so far away and she couldn 't do anything right , what ever made her think she could do this ? Her own voice was joining the cacophony in her head . She had to get down , she had to reach the ground . She scooted along the branch and hugged the tree so hard she scraped her skin making herself bleed as she slowly slid down the trunk . When she reached the bottom she curled up at the foot of the tree as the voices continued their assault and made it impossible to do anything . Pauline tried to stand up and begin walking , the voices in her head continually talking , making life more and more difficult and Pauline thought ' the voices would stop if I were dead , ' but the voices made it difficult to really think about what she needed to do in order to accomplish it . She was exhausted and it hurt to move . She was so tired she didn 't even look at her Kami and kiss them and hold them close . Her hands hung down beside her limp , like noodles and her legs felt like they would give out soon . Inside her head a buzz of voices were telling her who to be , and how to be , and what to do . She just continued to walk slowly across the field . As she walked the grass began to disappear replaced by rocks and boulders and hard ground . The sun was no longer delightful but harsh . She was hot and thirsty and couldn 't remember anything , it seemed like she was suppose to be doing something , that she wasn 't suppose to be here , that she should be somewhere else … She stopped at the edge of a cliff when she looked over the edge she couldn 't see anything . It made her feel scared but exhilarated at the same time … the feeling of exhilaration awoke something in her that was then quickly squashed by the buzzing noise that made her forget everything . She felt so confused and tired she just wanted to sit down . Behind her was a large stone so she sat . Laying her head on her knees she thought , ' Why do I have to feel this way , do other people feel like this ? This is too hard , I want quiet , I just want to feel like myself again . ' She began to sob unable to stop . As her tears fell , so did snow and soon the world was blanketed in white . Wiping her eyes she looked up into the face of an ermine . Smiling down at him , she felt her emotions spike and furl . She began yelling , telling the ermine everything . She felt destructive and angry and wanted to break something . She began kicking at the boulder , hitting it with her fists and beside her , the ermine did the same . She alternated between yelling at the rock and laughing at the ermine . She kicked it one good time and sent it rolling toward the cliff . That was when she noticed the rope . Attached through the rock was a long rope strong and thick and it led directly to her ankles . The next second she was thrown onto her back and dragged over the cliff wall giving her matching scrapes on the front and back . She grabbed hold of the edge just in time to stop herself going over but the weight of the boulder pulled her down slowly . " Get help , get help please . " She didn 't know if the ermine understood her or not , but he ran off as if he did . She hung there slowly sliding over the edge and thought about the stone , and about Leth and Brianna … and the tree . She allowed herself to be influenced by the tree , she ate the fruit and listened to the voices and did exactly what logic told her not to do . She wished she was back with Brianna in her nice cozy cave . She thought about the Kami and what would happen to them should she fall from the cliff and she realized that she didn 't want to leave her Kami , even if the darkness surrounded her completely , she did not want to leave them . By the time she heard someone coming she was completely over the side of the cliff unable to see anything . The ermine stuck his head over the edge first with a reassuring chirp and above him , FAR above him the mud covered face of her pursuer came into view . Fear struck at her heart and she flinched and lost her grip . In a flash the mud man had her wrist in his large hand and was hauling her straight up . Pauline clung with her free hand to the Kami , convinced she was going to fall , she would save them … Somehow . In his other hand he still held his knife and as she rose to eye level with him , she saw beneath the mud soaked hair a kind and generous smile under a pair of bright blue eyes . The knife slashed out and cut the rope , freeing the boulder to fall , and Pauline to think and move freely once again . He gently sat her down on her feet and thrust the knife toward her but did not cut her . He then flipped the knife in his hand offering her the handle . Gingerly she took the hilt and felt the warmth from his hand . Looking down she saw that the knife fit perfectly into her hand as if it had been made for her . Printed across the blade was the word independent . She stood on her tiptoes , just reaching his shoulders and pulled him toward her slightly . She brushed the hair aside from his face and found a handsome man underneath . Turning her head to the side to study him more she asked , " What is your name ? " " How can you destroy a tree , a knife will not do it and if I cut it down it still exists … " " Fire Milady . " He handed her a silver box smooth and shiny , the sun hit upon the surface and blinded her for a second with the gleam from the metal . When she held it just right in the light she could see the word Knowledge printed in the metal . She ran her thumb across the letters but could not feel them in anyway . Walking to the nearest fruit , she reached down and pick up the first one on her right . She flicked the box open and spun the wheel and a small blue flame popped up . She touched the flame to the fruit which instantly caught fire . She hurled it at the tree hitting it in the center o the trunk . At first nothing happened and the flaming fruit just rolled down . Pauline stood slightly disappointed until the fruit bumped into another creating a chain reaction that engulfed the tree . The small group stood and watched as the tree burned , noxious thick black smoke rose into the sky and little whispers of voices could be heard trying to infest someone with their negative thoughts before they burned completely . Pauline pocketed the lighter keeping it close to her for when she needed it again . When nothing was left but ashes , and both Mudd and the ferret had relieved themselves on the smoldering mess , they began to walk toward the wall . " I don 't think I can do this . " Knight , Mudd and ferret had no idea what to say to her to help . A noise from overhead startled the four of them , and crashing down on the head of Mudd was a very clumsy Brianna . " Thanks for the landing pad big guy . " Brianna jumped down to the ground and walked over to Pauline . They hugged briefly and when Brianna stepped back she handed Pauline a necklace , upon inspection Pauline found the word temerity , inscribed on the silver beads . She put it around her neck and felt the power of confidence sink into her . With her friends behind her and her new gifts she stood to face the wall . She closed her eyes and imagined everything that had happened to her even before the Raven , when she was someone else , and there was someone else , and she realized that she allowed these people to hurt her by allowing them to manipulate her . Maybe her new friends would try to manipulate her too , and maybe it would work , but she felt stronger knowing that she had conquered many enemies . Opening her eyes she went to the wall and saw that it was nothing but the words of others and the way they made her feel . Reaching her hand out she flicked the wall and it collapsed as if made of cloth and disappeared . " You still have to take the first step , you 've broke down the wall , but you still have to take a leap of faith in your own abilities . It 's the hardest part . " Knight patted her on the back and rode away . Then a noise caused her to turn , and Raven stood behind her . The butterflies fluttered back to life , but Pauline squashed them , not listening to what they said . She turned her back on Raven , hearing a noise of disbelief , which only emboldened Pauline . Click here to edit contents of this page . Click here to toggle editing of individual sections of the page ( if possible ) . Watch headings for an " edit " link when available . Append content without editing the whole page source . Check out how this page has evolved in the past . If you want to discuss contents of this page - this is the easiest way to do it . View and manage file attachments for this page . A few useful tools to manage this Site . See pages that link to and include this page . Change the name ( also URL address , possibly the category ) of the page . View wiki source for this page without editing . View / set parent page ( used for creating breadcrumbs and structured layout ) . 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Jan29 Yesterday I wasn 't doing very well and I was in a terrible amount of pain . Normally I would be able to push the button on my IV pain meds and then I would feel a little bit better . When I push that button it gives me a whole hours worth of pain meds all at once . I know that I have a nurse coming this morning to set up a new IV bag so I figured I would just wait for her to come and tell her that my pain button wasn 't working for the extra pain meds . I guess it was about 9pm last night when everything on my IV meds quit working at all . The only pain meds that I take are in that bag so I hadn 't been getting pain meds for hours before I knew what was happening and I had to call my nurse late last night to ask her to come to my house right away and fix it . She was yawning when I was telling her on the phone what was happening , but she came right over . I told her that I was really sorry that I had called her at home after she had worked all day but she made me feel better about calling her . I like my nurse … she understands what the pain can do to people . She ended up having to take the needle out of my port and insert a new needle and luckily the new one flushed perfectly . I was in so much pain by the time that she had it working right again that I actually felt the pain meds go into my body , normally I wouldn 't feel the pain meds at all . I asked her why that would happen and she said that I was moving around too much . I hardly do anything at all and now just taking a bath is a big deal . I don 't know how I can do less that I already do . I think I 'll spend my time watching a movie this morning so I don 't try to clean anything because I know I 'll hurt myself if I do . I do have a box of M & Ms and a pot of fresh coffee to comfort me . My best friend Daine was here for days doing dishes and cleaning my floors so I think that just watching her do all the work that she did was what hurt me . I did probably do one or two things without realizing I was doing anything at all because she was doing so much . I don 't know how she has put up with me for twenty seven years ( I think ) , but she 's the only reason that my house looks as good as it does . Thank you Daine ! I hope you 're coming back soon , but for visiting or watching a movie or something . Jan17 My take on life is most likely not what everyone else sees . Things that used to be very important to me are way back in the background , and different things are up front now . First lets take my morning routine . I wake up a little later now than I used to because I get up every few hours throughout the night . After each four - hour ' nap ' I try to do one or two things that I would have before waited for the afternoon to get working on . Then there 's sleep its self . I have to take pills for this that and the other ( right now I have pneumonia again ) that usually makes me a little sleepy so the four - hour sleep thing actually works out fine . I would have thought that only sleeping in four - hour intervals would make me tired all the time , but it gives me a little bit of time after each four hours to do a few things . This morning I woke up and had a cup of coffee and read a few pages of my book and decided that I might have enough energy left to knock out a quick post . I know I 'll have to write it quickly because I 'm already getting tired , hopefully the coffee will help with that so that I can stay up a while longer . I have my M & Ms too so one more cup of coffee and I 'll be fine . I have a friend who I haven 't seen in a few months that showed up a few days ago and wanted to know if it was all right if she came to stay with me for a while to help with all of the housework and to keep me company . It 's nice to have people come over to see what they can do to help us out . We need help all the time so we have friends coming and going throughout the days . Some just come to keep me company and those are the ones who can 't help with any other needs . I think that kind of help is so precious . I 'm not one who normally likes to have a lot of people around the house because I 'm embarrassed that my house isn 't always clean anymore . That doesn 't seem important these days . I told her that she 's welcome to come and help out for a while . She should be here sometime today . Then we have the bills . I can 't ever find the words to convey how embarrassing it is to have to admit that we can 't make ends meet anymore . I 've always hated having to admit that we need help but I 'm putting my pride away and asking for help in different ways . First we just signed up for state services for food and health insurance for Rick , he needs to be able to keep taking care of his heart . He went for over a week without taking his heart pills and never told me because he knew we had no way to come up with enough money to pay for his meds . We now have decided that we can 't just go without some things . I 'm setting up a way for people to help us financially if they want to . I think Elaine is working on a way for people to help in different ways . Some want to mail a check and some want to pay bills directly , and some just want to send cash or a money order . Elaine will make sure that if you want to help financially then it will be excepted in whatever form you wish . I think that letting people send us money is right up there at the top of embarrassing / humiliating . I 've come to accept that it 's alright for me to say when we need help , and boy do we need help ! Like I 've said before we have helped so many other families when we were able to over the years and I wish I knew how hard it was for the people we were helping . I always just figured that they were happy to have some financial relief and that was the end of it . Well , that is so not the end of it . I remember feeling so happy about giving people whatever they needed , but I think that now its my time to learn how other people feel about having to except charity . Thank God we 've never had or used credit cards , I don 't like to make payments on things , so if we didn 't have the cash to purchase anything we just saved up for things . I think that I missed this entire Christmas season because I did everything but hide in my bed to stay away from people . I wanted my family to have a good time , but I think that I could have helped to make it a better holiday , even without any money . I know that my mood swings are coming from all the meds and the pain I 'm going through . I 'm so used to having a lot of pain but this is way more than what I 've ever had to deal with … and it 's only going to get worse . I did finally get my mother to agree to take me to make my final arrangements while I 'm able to have a say in everything . Of course I have a long time to go yet but I didn 't want to wait until I can 't go with the family to choose what I want . Rick and mom need to make theirs as well . I don 't think that anyone should wait until their too sick to go and have a say in their own final wishes . I might think about things differently now but it 's only because I don 't want all the difficult things left for other people to take care of . My muscles are all very stiff when I wake up … every time I wake up , but then it gets a little better as I get up and move around a little bit . I get very excited when I 'm able to finish any chore on my own , and I make sure that everyone in the house at the time knows that I accomplished something on my own . Here is a recent pic that was taken just hours before my sister Elaine left to go back go back to NC . : Nov24 I 'm still really sick from changing my pain meds and I 've been trying to sleep as much as I could , but I keep waking up every two hours in pain . I know that I 'll be better soon but when you 're in this much pain it 's really difficult to be patient about it . Rick and Mom took care of Thanksgiving and I pretty much just tried to stay out - of - the - way . I guess it 's better than last year when they had to bring me dinner in the hospital . I 'm trying to look on the bright side … but it isn 't very easy right now . I 'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired . I feel like I can 't do a damn thing anymore without having to pay for it for days afterwords . I wanted so badly to have the house looking nice for my family to come here for Thanksgiving dinner , and I didn 't do that much , at least not enough to put me in the shape I 've been in since then . My whole body hurts , and I know that some of that is from switching my meds , but just for one day I would like to feel healthy . I was looking forward to getting the last check from worker 's comp so we could pay for the bills far enough ahead for Rick to start getting a paycheck . Because Rick had been released to go back to work we expected a final check from worker 's comp , but it was nowhere near what we thought it would be . I honestly have no clue how we 're going to get through the next month . Rick is out right now trying to find a job that he can manage without hurting himself anymore than he already has , but we didn 't know that he was going to be cut off like he was . On the bright side , now we can settle the claim for the personal injury , and hopefully it will at least cover all the bills . I 'm not even thinking about buying Christmas presents anymore . I 'm more concerned with just getting by . I don 't even have the heart to put up the tree . I had planned to put it up days ago , but I could barely move so I figured I would just wait until I was feeling better . So much for feeling better . I know Rick will get hired on quickly with all the experience he has under his belt . I just can 't believe that all this shit happens to us . I 'm starting to feel like the universe has it out for me . With any luck at all we might get the settlement money from the accident before Christmas . But with our luck the attorney 's fees will be more than the settlement . Just another case of truth being stranger than fiction . Rick told me not to worry and that everything would work out fine , but at this point I 'm having a really hard time not worrying . I probably shouldn 't have put all of this in my blog , but I 'm stressing about it and this is how I process everything . I hope nobody reading this was looking for a happy post . I just found out about the worker 's comp check ( or lack there of ) so maybe I 'll be in a better mood later , but right now I don 't think I could take anymore bad news . I 'm all out of sunshine ! I think that considering my situation I need and upside down pink tree … it seems so appropriate . Nov21 Even though Rick has been in a tizzy about getting his pc to work again I really didn 't want to miss out on my morning posts , luckily my lovely daughter suggested that I use the laptop that we gave her last year for Christmas to be able to write my posts with . Jesse can be a huge pain in the ass sometimes , but she also is the single most kind and generous person I 've ever known . When we bought her this laptop we also bought two others for Justin and Ashley . And because we aren 't rich , we went to a reconditioned laptop store and were able to get all three , with new cases for less that we would have paid for one brand new one . All three kids were happy though because we had been telling them that there might not be any presents under the tree at all because we were hurting so badly financially . Rick would sell a kidney to be able to give our kids what they want for Christmas , but as they get older the presents seem to get more expensive … go figure . So this year Rick and my mother want to have the holiday family get - together at our house . I tried to get out of it because I would have to go over my house with a fine tooth comb just so that I 'm not embarrassed to have family here . Don 't get me wrong , they would probably not give a shit what my house looked like … it 's all me . I did manage to get the entire downstairs cleaned to my satisfaction , and then I spent the whole day yesterday trying to nurse the pain I had caused myself by doing things like reaching up with a swiffer duster while standing on one leg with nothing to hold on to just to clean my ceiling fan . Every time I touched the damn thing it started spinning around . Jesse and her best friend were told that they had to clean Jesse 's bathroom and the downstairs bathroom before I would give them the car keys to take all their friends skating . I still have to do a little more on the bathroom that Jesse ' cleaned ' , but at least she tried . She hates to clean . This morning when the pharmacy opens I have to go and pick up my new meds . I haven 't taken this particular kind in years , but I do remember that one of the reasons that I didn 't want to keep taking them before was because they gave me way too much energy . Rick would have to demand that I sit in the recliner and take a break after six straight hours of doing chores . Now with as much as I need more energy just to do simple things , I 'm hoping that it will work better for me this time . I do remember that it worked great for pain though so I can 't wait to see what happens . Rick also told me yesterday that he wants to put up our Christmas tree today . I guess he wanted to have the house decorated before the family comes over . Last year he didn 't help at all , Diane and I had to do it ourselves while Rick watched TV pr played his games . To be honest I really don 't remember because I had my hands full of lights that someone had just thrown into a box . I am curious to see what decorations we have left . Every year more seem to hit the void . My favorites are the ones that my kids made for me when they were just old enough to be able to write their own names on them . I think everyone I know has at least one tiny little popsicle stick snow sled with glitter on it , and a red ribbon to hold it to a tree branch . So today while Rick starts digging out all the Christmas decorations , I 'll be sitting in the middle of them all trying to figure out which lights are still in good working condition . I 'll gently pick out the broken balls ans play where 's waldo to find enough extension cords to be able to plug everything in . I really don 't enjoy the process … but I love having the tree all lit up in the evenings leading up to Christmas . I also have a green and white wreath that hangs on my front door , this is the closest one to mine that I could find a picture of … except that my front doors are white so it looks really pretty . Happy holidays everyone . cin Nov19 I am unwillingly going to take a vacation for a little while , just until I can either get my computer fixed or find a nice cheap used one that will do what I need it to do … which isn 't very much really . Normally , I write a post every morning while I have my coffee and M & Ms , but I think that I 'm going to have to take a break for a little while . Not that I want to … because I really don 't . I just don 't have a choice . Not too long ago , I caught the cord of my head - set on the front of my wheelchair , I didn 't realize that I was tangled up in it before I started to back away from my desk and saw that my computer tower was slowly tipping over . It literally looked like is was falling in slow motion so I didn 't panic and try to catch it , I thought that if I did that I might do more harm than good . So , I held the cord to the head - set and tried to let the tower down as slowly as possible . Even when the tower made its way all the way to the floor it didn 't make much of a sound at all , and nothing looked damaged at all … not even the head - set cord had anything wrong with it . I went to refill my coffee , which was what I was trying to do to begin with , and I came back to write my morning post . Everything was going along as usual until I realized that I was hearing a very loud beep coming from the computer tower . I had no clue wait is was , and after writing a few more lines I decided that I might have shaken something lose in the tower and that I should just save my blog post for later and re - start the computer . I shut it down and tried to restart it … but something went very wrong . I must have done something really bad for it to not even be able to start Windows . I begged my husband , although he didn 't want to do this at all , to open the tower and just look to see if there was anything obvious … like a loose wire , or something unplugged that he could just fix and I could get back to my writing . Nothing found , and he gave up . My little brother knows pretty much everything about computers , but he has a very demanding job as well as a family with two little kids , so you can see why I wouldn 't want to ask him to check out my problem . I didn 't want him to feel obligated and possibly miss out on anything important . Rick did ask Jason if he could take a look at it , and I was given very bad news about my little computer friend . When it tipped over , the hard drive was running … now I can 't fix it . It 's going to have to have a new hard drive installed , or I 'll have to find a very cheap pc . I love my computer . It isn 't anything expensive or difficult to use , it 's an e - machine . I don 't ever do anything but write my blog posts , check my fb , and talk to some other women with breast cancer online . I have no need for anything fancy , actually I think a fancy computer would simply be wasted on me . I just need to find a way to fix my sad little broken pc . I 'll look around and price some hard drives , hopefully because of the holidays they will be on sale somewhere . So , I 've been using Rick 's gaming pc every morning , I usually wake up three or four hours before he does , so that I don 't get in his way . No problem there . Jesse has been needing to use Rick 's pc too lately to look for a job ( she didn 't like the ones she had , too much drama ) but she stays up late at night and now Rick has things on his computer that he doesn 't want there ( no , it 's not porn or anything vulgar ) . I told him if he didn 't want anyone on his pc when he isn 't awake then he should change the password . He changed the password right before he went to bed ( the night before last ) , and when he woke up he had no clue what he had changed it to . We 've tried everything to reset the password , the computer , and even called the manufacture . They said that all they can do is send him a disk in the mail that should help him fix the problem . I don 't think I 'll ever agree to use his computer again . Somehow , even though I was asleep when he changed the password , it 's still all my fault . And everyone else 's fault too . He 's very , very touchy about his gaming pc because he waited years to be able to have one . I totally get why he 's so upset about all of this right now . But I did find out that he now remembers changing the password to one that I could easily remember … but he never told me what it was ? Hmmm Nov17 I never have been one to make a big deal about Christmas … but Rick waits all year for it so I try to go along with whatever he wants to do . We did get some very exciting news yesterday that is going to make the holidays much happier for my family . We didn 't win the lottery or anything like that , but we did find out that our lives are about to start getting back to normal if all goes well from here on out . After Rick was hit by a car while unloading his truck at work we had to get a lot of lawyers involved . Three different firms have been helping with getting him the compensation that he deserves , as well as all the medical treatments that he 's had to have for the past few years . A few days ago we found out that worker 's comp wanted him to go back to work and they also agreed that he has a permanent partial disability that will limit what kind of work he 'll be able to do for the rest of his life . I know that I mentioned in an earlier post that Rick thought he might like to go back to working in management of a telemarketing company , and he also wants to work some place where he can put to good use all the experience that he has from being in a truck . Now he 's able to start actually going on interviews . Yesterday his own Dr agreed that Rick is able to start working again , as long as he starts off only working part - time with limitations . We were told that for the first six months he 'll have to also go to physical therapy and have massage therapy to help with the pain of getting used to a work setting . What was funny was that both when the nurse walked in , and then also when the Dr came in , they both came straight to me , took my hand , and asked how I was doing . Rick finally said something after the Dr did it too . Sorry babe , but I 'm just more important . jk 😉 We really thought that this was going to be a very sad Christmas because we simply won 't have any way to go and get any gifts for our kids … let alone all the rest of the family and friends that we would normally get a gift for . It 's not that we ever were rich , far from it , but we always managed to find a way to give a little something to everyone . The year before last my mother and I spent two weeks straight baking every kind of cookie we could think of for the family , and everyone else we could think of also received a nice dish of assorted goodies . Chocolate dipped pretzels were the easiest to make so I loved doing those . Mom likes to make candy so we also had a few hundred home - made peanut butter cups … a lot of those ended up at my house because they 're Rick 's favorite . But , last year we didn 't have enough money to buy all the ingredients to make as much as the year before , not to mention that I spent most of November and December in the hospital having surgeries , so I couldn 't help mom bake . I was released from the hospital after my mastectomy late on Christmas day . I missed all the good stuff . Rick did bring me a tiny little Christmas tree in the hospital with a few of my gifts from the family to put under the tree , so I know that I wasn 't forgotten … but it 's never the same as being home with the family . The nurses wanted to know if he had a single brother . I doubt that I 'll be able to do much , if any , shopping this year , but I do have the knowledge that everything can and will start getting back to normal . I don 't have a clue how long we 'll have to wait for the lawyers to finish with all the final details , it usually takes another six months to find out what the end result will be . But in the mean time , Rick can get back to having somewhat of a normal life again . I love having the house to myself when he 's working , and I know that working makes him feel so much better about himself . None of this was in any way his fault , and I feel bad for him that he 's had to go through any of it . So this year Christmas , although it won 't be back to normal just yet , will be a time when we can at least be happy about life again . All the endless medical crap with both of us has definitely taken a huge toll on all of us , but now we have something to look forward to again . It 's been a long time since I could think about anything in the future and he happy about it . This year we have a Grand Daughter coming , Rick will be working again , and hopefully in a few months we can start slowly paying back all the family that 's been helping us , and if we play our cards right we might even be able to find a few small gifts for under the Christmas tree . This is the one that Rick wants to put up this year . He thinks that he can cut a branch of of out front patio tree and put his favorite little blue ball on it too . For the past twenty five years Rick has managed to hide a blue ball somewhere on the tree , no matter what colors I use for the rest of the decorations . He says it 's ' special " to him . I think it 's funny . Justin and Ashley made it to NC , where Rick 's little sister lives , and they 'll be staying there with her for a little while so that they can find new jobs and save enough money to get their own place after the baby comes . I do wish they had moved back to Arizona , but I know that they will be in good hands with Rachael . She always has done her best to help out all of her nieces and nephews when she could . She takes after her father in that way and many others . He was a great man . Rick is hoping that we 'll be able to go and see our Grand Daughter when she 's born , but I don 't know if we 'll be able to just yet . Like I said , it could be a very long time before we see a penny from him being hurt . But at least we know that this whole bull shit legal thing will be over soon . I just hope that I 'm feeling well enough to travel that far . I walked a long way yesterday on my crutches to Rick 's Dr and now I 'm paying for it this morning … . but it was a well wort it trip . Nov14 So , yesterday afternoon I was out side on the patio talking to Rick about his appointment Thursday with the lawyers , and I asked him what the date was . I never do know what day of the week it is and most of the time I can 't remember what day of the month it is either . He told me the date and I suddenly remembered that I had something to do . I looked in my purse for any appointment cards and found on from my pain center with a time of 1 : 45 yesterday afternoon . I called my mom and asked her to take me , because my car needs to have repairs done , which I can 't afford right now , and she made sure that I was there on time . Thank God for mom . I waited longer than usual in the exam room for the PA to come in , but I didn 't mind because he always spends a lot of time talking to me so I just figured that he was talking to someone else ( I could hear him in the next room ) and he would be in as soon as he could . When he came in he sat next to me and said " How are you doing ? " I said " shitty , how about you ? " He said the same thing , " shitty " . He wanted to know why I wasn 't doing well and I told him about how I thought that I was starting to have problems in my arm . I did have a lot of lymph nodes taken out when I had my breast amputated ( I think the word mastectomy doesn 't do it justice ) , twenty - eight the last time and eight the first time . Even one being taken out can cause you to have a lot of pain and swelling in your arm . I haven 't had any trouble with it in this past year so I 'm not convinced that it isn 't the tumor in my arm pit pushing on things that are causing pain all the way into my hand . I watched for any swelling or anything like this before , but I never saw anything . And , I 've usually been able to get relief from the pain pills after I healed from each surgery . I 'm a little worried that this is only the beginning of the problems with my arm . Anyway , the PA wanted to change my meds ( which he does every so often ) and scribbled for a while on some paper , trying to figure out the correct amount of the other pain meds to equal what I was already on . I would have needed a calculator for all those math problems . After a while he gave up and went to go to the back office to speak to my Dr and ask him what he thought should be written . When the PA came back he was laughing . I asked him what was going on and he , still laughing , said that some Dr had called my Dr and told him that I didn 't have breast cancer … that he thought that it was a misdiagnosis . I wish I was a fly on the wall for that conversation . When I was first diagnosed and still had all the tumors in my body I had to be admitted to the hospital for pain . I insisted after almost a week that they call in my own pain Dr because he already knew me and I trusted him . They refused until I started screaming in pain , and I also sent my husband across the street to the Dr 's office to tell him personally that I needed him and why . My own Dr showed up in my hospital room at about eight pm when he was on his way home for the night . When he came in he sat down held my hand and put his head in my lap and cried . He told me that no matter what happens he 'll be there to see me through this . I believed him then and I still believe in him now . He chewed out the hospital staff and changed the meds I was on and I was able to go home two days later . If he hadn 't come in to help me I don 't know how long I would have been there . I don 't have a clue what Dr would have called him unless it was the Medical Director at the hospice that I was in a few months ago who wanted me to have more scans and tests to prove what my prognosis was after I had my surgery . They do have to make sure that you qualify to be in hospice so I know why they wanted more proof . But , if they would have told me at the time what they were looking for I could have had the reports from the Cardio Thoracic surgeon and the pathology reports sent to them . I didn 't know then that they didn 't have everything . I haven 't seen an Oncologist for about eight months now because I didn 't have any reason to go to one . I wasn 't having chemo and I didn 't know that I would need to be continually getting tested for something that doesn 't go away on its own . I made all of my choices clear to all my Dr . s and I figured that they would all talk to each other when they needed information . Anyway , my own Dr knew better than to believe that it was all a mistake and thought that the one who had called him and told him that it was all a misunderstanding was an idiot . I 'm very glad now that I insisted on having my own Dr come to the hospital because he saw for himself that there was no mistake and that I simply wasn 't going along with all the usual treatments for IDC . Some people ( including Dr . s ) think if I 'm not doing chemo and radiation that I must not have cancer . It only it were . I did ask my PCP to get me a referral for another Oncologist so that there wouldn 't be anymore questions about my prognosis . Just incase I need proof from now on . So now I start the new meds next week , I know that I 've taken them before but I don 't remember if I had any problems with taking them . Hopefully it 'll help me without giving me any more issues to deal with . |
While Floyd was out , Marcy tried to organize her mind . " You know , like those pill organizers they have , with the compartments for daytime and night ? I wish sometimes I could organize my thoughts like that , seven days a week . " She had said this while getting her hair done a few months ago and everyone had laughed , so when she got home that went in the book . She was writing down all the things she said that made sense to her , with hopes of putting them all on cards or maybe refrigerator magnets and selling them ; they could always use the extra cash ! Which reminded her , so she checked her secret stash , not the money Floyd gave her like it was killing him , but a little something extra she kept in her brassiere . Sure as hell nobody would be looking in there . Truth was , she used to be able to organize her thoughts like that , until Floyd retired . Now he was always hanging around , talking to her , asking what she was doing . Every time he went out , which wasn 't often enough for her taste , he would ask her if she needed anything and then look angry if she did . Sometimes he 'd look angry if she didn 't . Now she looked for errands for him , just to get a moment 's peace . When she sent him off for milk this morning she could have lived without it . But she couldn 't have stood listening to him complain about the bus ride to Atlantic City before it happened , not non - stop for the next two hours . " It 's the law of attraction , " she 'd continued . " You can deny it all you want but that don 't mean it 's not true . Everything coming into your life you are attracting into your life . You 're like a magnet . " He had made fun of her ever since she first heard Oprah talking about The Secret but deep down she thought that maybe he believed her . Or would , if he would just give it a try . He would come home so angry about something that happened out there - the security guy asleep in the chair , or someone who wouldn 't give his seat up on the subway - and she would tell him , " Every bad thing that comes into your life , you make happen . " Sometimes that really made Floyd angry . " Is that right ? Every bad thing ? I made happen every bad thing that came into my life , Marcy ? " He would tower over her , breathing heavily , staring at the top of her lacquered hair until she was silent . She looked closely at the big digits on the clock by the bed . It was almost 8 : 30 and she still had not done her makeup . From the drawer in the nightstand on her side of the bed she looked for her own pill organizer and then realized she had already taken it out . She put it under the light , right beside that picture of her two boys , smiling in the lap of a black Santa , and looked at Wednesday . There were still pills in the morning box but the evening box was empty . Maybe she took the evening pills by mistake . Not that it mattered ' cause they were basically the same . Or maybe she hadn 't filled the PM part . The bus driver turned out to be some white guy who 'd been sleeping in the back while people waited outside . The whole bus was talking about it , even after they got out of the Holland Tunnel and were getting on the turnpike , people tsk - tsking and hmm - hmming until Floyd wanted to yell , " Who told you to stand out there in the first place ? It 's not even cold . " But he kept quiet and sat by a window , alone thank you very much , though Tommy , who acted like he was Floyd 's best friend , insisted on sitting right in front of him , while Marcy huddled on the other side with a bunch of ladies . They outnumbered the men five to one anyway ; he let Tommy represent , going back and forth across the aisle like some congressman making a deal . Each time he went over to the ladies he would say something so low that Floyd couldn 't hear and they would all laugh and holler . " I think it 's about time for some music , " Tommy said after one of his sorties . He had a gym bag with him that said Mets on it , and from it he pulled a boom box that he tried to balance on the seatback in front of him . He pushed play and Johnnie Taylor started in on " Who 's Making Love " and the ladies all laughed , even though the sound was kind of wobbly . From the front of the bus the driver said something ; they could see him looking at them in the rear view mirror , but no one tried to hear him . In fact Tommy stood up , with the boom box on his shoulder , and started to shake it in the aisle , which made the driver get on the mike . Across the aisle Marcy was in the middle of a conversation with the other ladies but she didn 't feel quite right . It started as soon as she left the building ; she had picked out a brooch to go with her blue blouse , a little gold tree with red apples on it , but she had left it sitting in front of the mirror . Now she felt naked , all that blue stretching out below her chin like an empty ocean almost and she felt like she was being pulled back from drowning each time one of them stopped talking . That meant somebody was supposed to say something ; you were supposed to jump in like it was a game of double - Dutch . " What I value most is the privacy , " Marcy said , but no one answered . She had a feeling she had said that before . The topic was assisted living and how to know when you needed it . " Until you wake up privately dead , " said the lady in the Kente cloth . Marcy didn 't remember meeting her before , a friend of Helen 's was how she was introduced , but she didn 't like her now . She had these gray and white streaks in her hair , extensions by the look of it , but it reminded Marcy of mud . Besides , she was probably the youngest woman of the bunch , what was she talking about dying for ? " My boy checks in on us every night , " said Marcy and immediately wondered why she had . It wasn 't true . Most times she had to call Eric and he never sounded too happy to hear from her . He did come to visit though , once a month at least . They saw less of him after his divorce , though you 'd think it would be the other way around . " Sending this one out for all you ladies , " said Tommy , like he was some deejay , and they all laughed but Marcy didn 't think it was funny . It was that song about sitting on a park bench that always made her sad . " I see her face everywhere I go / on the street and even at the picture show / have you seen her ? " " The Showboat has a Mardi Gras theme , " said the lady in the Kente cloth . She turned around to give Floyd the fisheye , pulling down her glasses as she did . " Besides , we got coupons for the Showboat . " He fell in line sullenly beside Tommy who offered him another drink . Floyd took a swallow this time without pulling down the brown paper to see what it was . It tasted like mouthwash . Seagulls screamed overhead . Floyd saw his reflection scowling in the window of a parked Humvee . He went to New Orleans during Mardi Gras when he was in the Navy , how many years ago ? He got lost and someone stole his wallet . A man dressed as a woman tried to put beads around his neck , he remembered . You could have your Mardi Gras . Marcy was among the first of the women to enter the casino and the air conditioning hit her like a cold wave . " Good thing I remembered my shawl ! " she said but no one answered . The music and the sound of the slot machines , dinging and ringing with sirens going off every five minutes as if some crime was being committed , swallowed her voice . " You must be freezing ! " Marcy said but the girl didn 't seem to hear her . Maybe she just got tired of people trying to talk to her . The slots area had thousands of machines and at noon it was already half filled , mostly old - timers like her and Floyd . He and Tommy had set off in the other direction like there was a sign saying ' Men , That Way . ' The carpets were in a pattern of red and orange and gold that reminded her of a kaleidoscope and the ceiling was made up to look like stained glass , though she knew real stained glass when she saw it and this wasn 't it . She felt like if she didn 't sit down she might just fall into the colors . She sat down at a quarter machine and began feeding it . She didn 't know where the other ladies had gone and looking over her shoulder left her none the wiser . " How you doing today ? " she said . She had a tray filled with drinks and a notepad tucked into her belt . " Can I get you something to drink ? " " Well I suppose you can ! " Marcy turned in her chair to show her appreciation . " My name 's Marcy by the way , I come here from Brooklyn with a bunch of folks from my church group . " Marcy smiled and opened her mouth . But she could not think of the names of any drinks , not just the fancy ones but any drink . She felt a trickle of sweat run down her back underneath her blouse . " Sure , no problem ! " Kim Sue smiled back at her like one of those Chinese dolls , her name right there on her badge . " We have beer and wine and soda and mixed drinks . " She kept smiling at Marcy and continued . " I could make you a nice white wine spritzer , if you like . " " Oh , that sounds nice , " said Marcy , and it did sound nice , like a sprinkler in the summer time , the kind the boys used to play in . Kim Sue left and Marcy returned to the machine . Cherries and plums rolled past , never stopping at the same time . Eric used to chase Wilson through the sprinklers in the park and sometimes when Marcy wasn 't looking he would hold his little brother down and try to pull off his shorts in front of all the other children . She would get so mad at him , always teasing like that , knowing it would make Wilson cry and come looking for her , but she had a job then , looking after a little white boy named Oskar whose parents lived in Park Slope and worked all the time . Oskar 's parents didn 't mind too much when she brought her boys with her when she took him to the park . " As long as you remember , " the father said , " that Oskar is your first priority . " Well of course he is , mister doctor man ! Why would my own flesh and blood come before your little prince ? Good gracious , the things that man would say . If the wife heard him she would weigh in and try to soften the blow . " What my husband means is that we don 't want you to get too distracted . Three children is a handful . " All these people thinking someone was going to steal their child , like the whole country had gone crazy . Soon they 'd be putting their pictures on milk cartons and billboards and on TV during the news - " Have you seen Brandon ? " Usually white kids . If a black kid went missing generally people knew who took him . Kim Sue was back with her drink . It was in a big plastic cup with a straw that went in curlicues , like a roller coaster , like this was for a child . She started fishing in her coin cup . Like I didn 't know that . She pulled out a Susan B . Anthony and put it on her tray . " That 's for you , " she said . Marcy thought that was something else she should write in her book but realized that she hadn 't brought it with her , and then forgot what she had said . " But they probably don 't spell it like that in Korea , do they ? The Sue , I mean . " She was balancing a tray full of drinks while she talked so Marcy let her go , disappearing into the big Tiffany lamp around them . A band was playing Dixieland and Marcy strained her eyes to see them . The music seemed to be coming from everywhere at once , " When the Saints Come Marching In . " The lady at the machine next to her looked at Marcy and then moved away , taking her quarters with her . Marcy watched as the drink spun up the straw when she sucked . Here we go loop de loop . Sometimes Eric would help her push the stroller as they went around the park , and Wilson would run so far ahead she would shout after him . " Don 't go where I can 't see you ! " she 'd holler , and Oskar , too big to be pushed around in a stroller , would try and stand up and yell after her . " Go where I can 't see you ! " Wilson would hide like that at home as well ; hide so good she couldn 't find him sometimes . They were living in Prospect - Lefferts , more house than they needed but you could afford those big limestone buildings then , even on a Con Ed salary , and Wilson would go into different rooms and be so quiet that she would get hysterical , be practically beside herself by the time her husband got home . Then they would hear him laughing . " Got you ! " he would say and emerge from the cupboard or from behind the sideboard and Floyd would get so mad . That one time he came out of her closet wearing her bra and Floyd just about went crazy ; took off his belt and chased him . She turned her head but nobody was there . Who had spoken ? Just turning her head made the colors around her move and when she looked at the floor she saw the pattern there was moving too . It was like a flying carpet , the Vale of Cashmere - The Vale of Cashmere ! That was the name of that strange corner of the park where she took the boys now and then . They were getting older ; other boys took the place of Oskar , and Eric got too big to want to be with them . But Wilson kept her company as she made the rounds , bought the kids ice cream and wiped their sticky hands . People used to call it The Swamp and there was a muddy pond okay and some hanging trees . Another babysitter saw them by the pond once and came over to warn them . " You shouldn 't be down in there , " she said , afraid to come too close with her stroller in front of her . " They say men get together down there . " Floyd went through all his money the first hour . Not all his money but all the money he 'd meant to spend , the money he put in his shirt pocket , seemed to fly off the table . Dealer beat him every time : if Floyd had 18 , the dealer had 19 ; if Floyd sat on a 19 , the dealer hit him with two bricks . " I guess this lady feels like she has to show us what a blackjack looks like , " said Tommy , when the dealer drew her third in ten minutes . She apologized to them both , even though they didn 't tip her , and Tommy 's luck was better than hers : He doubled down twice and made a hundred bucks in the blink of an eye . All Floyd could do , once he had spent the money he had earmarked for this outing , was sit there and simmer in his resentment while Tommy 's chip pile grew . And that 's how well you know us , Floyd thought . " Maybe she just went off to another casino by herself , " he said . Even though he was losing , and wasn 't even playing at the time , he didn 't want to have to leave his spot and go look for his wife . " There 's no law says we got to stay here . " " That was one of the first places we looked . They have sofas in there , you know . " She paused . " Do you think we should call security ? " The suggestion made his blood pressure rise . " No , I don 't think we should call security . Christ sake , grown woman goes off for a few minutes and you want to call the cavalry ? " " Our son gave her one but she couldn 't figure out how to use it . " Eric had given them each one last Christmas , and neither of them could figure out how to use it . By the time Floyd got the hang of it he realized that the only person he would call was his wife , which was kind of stupid since he saw her all the time anyway . They looked all the places that they had already looked and the lady in the Kente cloth joined them , acting more concerned than Floyd felt . " We need a system , " she said , as they circled the room for the second time . The place was more crowded than ever and Floyd could hardly hear what she was saying . " How about I go stake out the buffet and you stay here ? " she suggested to Helen . Floyd said they could both go feed themselves and take their time doing it ; Marcy would turn up . He stood like a sentinel beneath the bells and sirens of the Mardi Gras slots , scowling most of the time . He hated slot machines ; there was no sport in it , as he often told his wife . With blackjack at least you were playing the odds . Slots to him was just dumb luck , like a rabbit betting it wouldn 't get run over when it ran across the road . Twice he thought he saw his wife , and each time he took pleasure in anticipating just how much grief he was going to give her . But each time he was wrong . By four o ' clock they were back together , Tommy too , and they began to set out in search parties . They were a small group : most of the travelers didn 't want to leave their stations , since the bus was scheduled to leave at six and this whole business had already cut into their time as it was . The lady in the Kente cloth , who finally introduced herself as Niobe , took charge . She contacted hotel security , who seemed to have some experience with old folks wandering off , and as the witching hour neared , and the day - trippers started heading back toward the bus , she went out and argued with the bus driver , who was pretty adamant about leaving on time . He agreed to wait as they made one last search . A handful of them fanned out , going to neighboring casinos and restaurants , off the boardwalk and into the side streets . Floyd couldn 't help but think that Marcy was messing with him the whole time , and when he saw the impatient faces of the other folks on the bus - they 'd lost their money and had their fill , they just wanted to go home - he couldn 't help but side with them . As he wandered , most of the people he saw were wearing shorts and T - shirts . Used to be people would get dressed up to go someplace . And when did everybody get so fat ? Walking down the boardwalk , bag of French fries in your hand , what did you expect ? The new motto for the city was " Always Turned On , " which he found kind of creepy . There was nothing that he saw that turned him on . Doors were open , air conditioning blasting out , cooling nothing . Floyd took to popping into places and doing a quick look around , not even asking half the time if they 'd seen anyone who looked like his wife . One , they couldn 't hear you with all that noise and two , half of them couldn 't speak English . " You seen an old black lady ? " he shouted at one girl scooping ice cream . Her nails were so long he figured they might end up in somebody 's cone . " Blue shirt , about this high ? " He kept walking . Going in and out of the summer sun was making him thirsty . He wished for the first time that Tommy was with him . That man would always stop for a drink . He saw people in those rolling chairs , being pushed by young people , girls sometimes . And you wonder why you so fat ? Down at one end of the boardwalk he found what looked like a real bar . The crowd had trickled off as the sun sank lower in the sky . Go on , get out of here . A lot of good you been . Floyd ducked inside and felt the rivers of sweat roll out from under his hat and chill on his face and neck . His glasses steamed as he took a seat at the bar and ordered a gin and tonic . He perched on the stool and looked up at the game on TV . The waitress brought him his drink and man , did that taste good . No skimping on the gin , either . He forgot to ask her about Marcy . His wallet was bothering him ; he felt like he was balancing on it . When the waitress asked him if he wanted to start a tab he simply nodded . " You got a phone ? " She pointed to an old - fashioned booth in the back , the kind Superman used to change in . The place was filling up , young couples waiting for dinner . Once inside the paneled wood booth he forgot who he was going to call . Eric , right . He searched the scraps of paper in his wallet for the number he never had cause to memorize and let it ring , go to voicemail , and then dialed again . " We in Atlantic City and your mother 's gone missing . " He backtracked from there , explaining the whole afternoon in greater detail than Eric needed , but never did his son sound any more excited than Floyd felt . He asked the obvious questions - had they called the police ? Who else was looking ? Eric was silent . Floyd imagined him at home , still in his work clothes , the sound on the TV muted , his eyes on the game . From his perch in the booth Floyd could see the TV over the bar . Jeter was trying to steal . Floyd muttered something and got off the phone . That boy would go to his grave asking about those damn phones . He should just wrap them up and give them back to him for Christmas . Turn ' em into salt - and - pepper shakers . When he got back to his seat at the bar Jeter got picked off and he ordered another drink . Now they could send the search party out for him . The tumblers were tall and when he turned in his seat he found he had company . Big old white dude with long hair and a pointed beard . He was sipping a Budweiser longneck and looking at the screen . His arms were covered in tattoos ; dragons , snakes and skulls disappeared into his shirtsleeves . They got to talking . Turned out he worked in a tattoo parlor on the boardwalk , which explained all the ink . Halfway through his second drink , Floyd was feeling generous in his opinions . " I hear you , " the man said . " These days it just means you been to the mall . " He drained his beer and held up the empty . " Buy you a drink ? " " Let me buy you a drink , " said Floyd , and pulled out the fat wallet that had been giving him such a pain and laid it on the counter . Soon he had the pictures out and was showing him snaps of Eric , bragging on his son 's job even if he wasn 't exactly sure what he did . Then one of the whole family , when everyone was young . " Shit , you don 't have to wait ' til you 're old to regret something stupid you did . " The man laughed and Floyd got a glimmer of a gold tooth in his head . " People come in all the time wanting to have tattoos taken off , usually the name of some girl that don 't love them anymore . " " Sure , " the man said . " Hurts like hell and costs twice as much . But we can do it . Easier just to change it , though . " He didn 't smile at first and it took Floyd a minute to figure it was a joke . " Hey , I got one , " Floyd said . The stranger 's eyes gleamed in anticipation . " There was this guy who loved this old girl so much he had her name tattooed on his johnson . " " Hell , yeah . " Floyd wiped his mouth . " Then they broke up , you know , and soon he started missing her real bad . So he went all over looking for her , from Wisconsin all the way down to Jamaica . Then he 's in the bathroom one day and he looks over and he sees this other guy 's dick . " He stopped for a minute . The stranger kept staring at him . " Now I can 't remember that girl 's name . " Floyd felt flushed and excused himself to go to the bathroom . There he stared straight ahead at the wall and read all the graffiti as if looking for a message . And by the time he got back to the bar , he was not surprised to see the stranger was gone and with him , Floyd 's wallet , though all Floyd could feel was a keen sense of disappointment : He remembered the end of the joke now . He had remembered that old girl 's name . |
When I wake up , it 's still dark outside . I turn around and look at the alarm clock it 's about a quarter to eight now . ell , I guess it 's about time to get up , get ready for the day and fix something for breakfast . here 's no need to hurry , though . ince I 've taken a day off from work , I might take things slowly today . told my parents we could meet at eleven , and that means we would have to leave here about half past ten . Looking out of the window , I see the grey and cloudy sky . The weather has been quite unpleasant for the last few days ; it was cold and rainy during the whole week . But today it seems to be dry , so at least we won 't have to stand in the rain . I feel someone moving in the bed right next to me . She 's breathing softly . I know that she likes to sleep in early in the mornings , so I decide I won 't wake her up and just let her snooze a little longer . There 's still plenty of time . Watching her sleeping , I feel an urge to caress her soft skin , to touch her cheek tenderly with my fingertips and to let my fingers run through her hair . But I don 't . There is this feeling of tension again . Somehow she seems to be far away now , although she 's right beside me . It feels as if I can 't reach her , no matter how hard I try . As if there 's some kind of wall between us . What the hell went wrong ? What happened to the feelings we had before ? I don 't want to lose her . I don 't want to live without her . All this time I 've just been happy to have her around . I like her looks , her smile , her voice . And I like the naughty things she does in bed . I want her to stay with me forever . nd that 's love , right ? t hasn 't always been this complicated . ot at all . y mind starts to roam and my thoughts wander back to that sunny spring day . . . It 's a warm day in spring and the sun is shining brightly . Yumi and I are taking a walk in the park . We started to go out again once in a while . Nothing serious , just watching a movie , or taking a walk , like today . But it 's fun to spend our time together . It feels good to have her beside me . Just when we 're about to take a seat , two little white butterflies show up . They flutter around us several times , and Yumi jumps up trying to catch them . But then they disappear between the trees , while Yumi sits down again , catching her breath . " See ? I 'm sure that was a couple ! " " Yeah , well , probably you know , it 's springtime now , so it 's just natural for them . . . " Taka . " uddenly the expression on Yumi 's face has changed , and her voice sounds serious now . Taka , there 's something I was thinking about . . . 've been thinking about it for a while now . . . do you think , now . . . we could give it another try ? ou and me ? " he turns her head and looks over to the bushes where the butterflies have disappeared . Even the butterflies are mating now . o why can 't we ? " " Look , I don 't want to rush it . We 'll take our time , just going out and having some fun . Then we 'll see if it works out well , okay ? I 'll do my best not to push you , I promise , and I 'm sure eventually it will be alright . " " Yumi , I . . . " I 'm searching for words . " Look , I . . . I don 't really know what to think . Look , I treated you really bad in the past , you know . The way I hurt you I mean , you 've got enough reasons to hate me now , don 't you ? " " I can 't hate you , Taka . " As she turns her face to me , I can see that decided look in her cat - like eyes again . " No matter what , I just can 't . I was really angry at you , yes , but I definitely can 't hate you . And now , when I look inside my heart , there 's still a little love left . Let 's say you wounded my love but you didn 't kill it . here 's enough of it left to try again . " he looks at me seriously . And how about you ? o you still have any feelings for me ? " I think for a while and try to get my feelings straight . " Ah yes . " inally I speak up . Yes , I do . really like you . still like to be near you . t 's just that one thing . . . that I don 't want to hurt you again . . . " " Well , we both did learn something during this time , didn 't we ? " She grabs my shoulder . " Taka , I 'm sure I know we can do better . et 's try to avoid those kinds of mistakes in the future . e can do it ! " We get up again , and Yumi shows me a happy smile . Somehow our fingers touch , and we go on walking through the park holding hands . We must look like two high school kids on their first date . It 's strange . We had been together before . We had sex dozens of times . Wild , passionate sex , that is . And now we 're walking in the sunshine , hand in hand , almost too embarrassed to look at each other . Finally I take a long look at Yumi . She looks beautiful in that new dress . Yes , I 'm sure it was the right decision . After all , she 's attractive . She 's nice . She 's smart . She 's got everything a man could ask for . It feels good , definitely just like starting over . Breakfast is ready . As I put down the teapot on the table , I can hear the sound of small feet rushing into the kitchen . " Good morning , Daddy ! " I feel her arms clinging to my neck . She 's a lot like her Mom , I think active and lively . he 's got Yumi 's eyes , too . ut that shiny black hair is certainly a heritage of the Todo family . " No problem . Today you can have whatever you want . " I hand her a bowl with her favourite cereal and pour some milk over it . " It 's a special day today , do you remember ? " " Yes ! " She starts stirring her cornflakes with the spoon valiantly . " I wanna come with you ! I wanna visit Auntie , too ! " I can see that she has this determined look on her face . It reminds me of her mother . I can 't help but laugh , although I try hard to keep a serious look on my face . " Don 't talk about your Mom like that . It 's okay to say that we two are the early birds in this family . But we still love Mommy , don 't we ? " Yes , my darling , we both love your Mommy . There 's no question about that , right ? I love her . I do . I certainly do . . . I keep looking at our daughter while she 's munching her cereal . She 's so lovely . Last year she already turned four . And she 's grown so fast , it 's incredible . Time really flies . Wasn 't it just the other day , when Yumi told me . . . The doorbell rings . As I go downstairs , I wonder who might be visiting now . My parents won 't return until late in the evening . And Yumi told me she would go right back to her apartment from the hospital . I open the door . " Yes , that 's what I had planned to do . But now there 's something I just need to tell you right away . It 's another surprise a big one . " " Yeah , I remember , you just had too many of those natto rolls . I told you that you 'd had enough , didn 't I ? But you wouldn 't listen . . . I never liked natto anyway . . . " " Yes , Taka , yes ! " She grabs my hand as she blurts out . " We 'll be having a baby ! We 'll be having a cute little baby . . . " Somehow I have a feeling as if the living room has begun to revolve around me . My knees start to tremble like they had just turned into some kind of jelly . Unsteadily I stagger forward to the sofa and plunge down on it . " A . . . a baby . . . ? And . . . and you 're absolutely sure about that ? " Yumi sits down right next to me and wraps her arms around my neck . " Yes , Taka , I 'm sure . . . Just imagine , now we 're going to be mother and father , you and me . . . We 'll be a real family . . . I 'm so happy . . . " My mind turns blank , while her words keep echoing in my head . A family . We 'll be mother and father . Yumi and I . We 'll be having a baby a cute little baby a cute little baby . . . I hate getting up in the morning . At least today I could sleep a little longer than usual . It was a good idea to take a day off , indeed . But now it 's almost nine , so it 's about time . Feeling still a little dizzy , I get out of bed slowly and yawn once again . I remember , Taka told his parents we would meet at eleven . I 'm not excited about this , but it 's too late to change anything now . I want to look alright by that time , at least , so let 's get into the bathroom and get ready . As I head to the bathroom , I can hear some noise from the kitchen . It 's Taka and our little daughter laughing ; obviously they 're having fun . I 'd like to know what they 're laughing about , so I curiously peek through the living room door , trying to get a glance at the kitchen . And then I see that picture on the wall , right above the sofa . Her picture . Although it 's been such a long time now , she 's still present , and she won 't go away . Well , actually I can 't complain , since I put that picture in that place myself . Back then , when we had just moved in . . . Well , I have to admit , it 's a little detached , outside of town , on the second floor of a newly built housing complex . But the surroundings are really nice , with lots of trees and gardens . And this apartment is quite cheap for its size , too . For two people it 's rather big . But we will surely need the space soon . In about a month or two , we will be three . Taka , me and our baby . . . The moving is finally done now , and we have arranged our new home nicely . Not that I could have been much of a help in my present state . Mostly I just told the others where to put things . Today I spent the afternoon decorating our new living room . It looks okay now , but there 's still something missing . I want to have some plants in front of the window , and maybe one or two pictures on this wall . How about the one from our wedding but no , that one 's too small , it wouldn 't look good over here . . . hile I 'm thinking about that , I can hear a sound from the door . he door opens , and Taka walks in . e 's carrying a photograph in his hand a large one . " Hi , Taka ! Welcome home . What 's this ? " Curiously I take the photograph out of his hands and have a closer look at it . It 's the one with him and Kana in school uniforms the one where they look like a couple . " Hi . . . uh , hi , Yumi . . . I . . . I just got it from the photo shop ; I had it enlarged and framed . . . " He looks down to the floor . " . . . of course , there 's no need to put it right here in the apartment . . . I mean , I can take it to the office and put it there . . . " I take a deep breath , then I look straight in his eyes and smile at him . " No . " He has a surprised expression on his face as I take the picture from his hands and hold it to the wall right across from the door , above the sofa . Let 's put it here . hat do you say ? " Taka gets the hammer and some nails and we put the picture where I said . When we 're finished , our eyes meet , and now there 's a smile on both of our faces . Then I look up at the picture and it almost seems like Kana is smiling at us , too . o , welcome to our new apartment ; welcome home , Kana ! Without a word we sit down on the sofa . Taka puts his arm around my shoulder and starts to caress my round belly . I like that feeling ; his touch is so gentle and tender . And evidently our daughter likes it too I can feel her moving inside of me . ow it will be about one more month until I 'll deliver . e 'll be having a baby a cute little girl . W will be father and mother , a real family . I m so excited , I can hardly wait . . . b When I enter the kitchen , Taka is still sitting at the table , reading the newspaper . Neither one of us says a word . We avoid even looking at each other . I take a cup of tea and sit down , staring at the table . Why did it turn out this way ? Is it my fault ? No , you can 't say that I didn 't try . Maybe I went a little overboard yesterday . But it 's definitely not like it was me who 's causing that trouble . . . Finally the baby is sleeping now . Taka brought me and our newborn daughter home from the hospital today . When we arrived at home , at first it took a while to get her to calm down , but now she 's sleeping peacefully in her room . I feel quite tired and plunge down on the sofa in the living room . It 's good to be back home . But , hey , that potted plant over there wasn 't in here before . I had told Taka that I wanted some more plants in front of the window some time ago , and evidently he got this one now while I was away . It looks like grass , though . " Well , I thought . . . hey , do you see that small bud over there ? " He gets down on his knees and points at the plant . " Look , there 'll be some nice white blossoms , as soon as it 's in bloom . . . " I don 't respond to him anymore . Looking up , I can see her picture hanging on the wall right above me . And suddenly I get the strange notion that she 's grinning at me right now . . . I realize that I 'm still stirring my tea . It 's cold by now , and I swallow it down in one gulp . Taka is calmly sitting there and reading his paper , showing no reaction at all . He doesn 't even try to say anything . As if this was my fault . I just wanted to be happy with you , Taka ; is that too much to ask for ? Now it 's turned out to be a feeling somewhere in between pleasure and pain . I thought I could handle that . I thought it would work out with time , somehow . But by now it 's just gotten really hard , you know realizing that she will always stay your number one , no matter how hard I try . . . and I 'm only your number two and nothing more . . . I think it 's almost noon . It 's hard to guess , though , since it 's quite dark here below the trees . We walked for more than an hour now , and I don 't really know if it was that a good idea to leave the path and walk right across the forest . It 's warm and moist , I feel tired , and slowly I 'm getting hungry , too . Taka stops and looks around . " I 'm sure it 's somewhere around here . " I 'm really thankful to his parents that they volunteered to take care of the baby today . They wanted to give Taka and me an opportunity to spend this day together . The last two years there 's hardly been any time for intimacy , with a baby crying in the middle of the night . But now we 're out here in the wilderness , just the two of us . And at first I really liked the idea of leaving town and going hiking in the mountains , when Taka suggested that . He had told me that he 'd been here once before , many years ago in his childhood , and that there was a really nice place around here he wanted to show me . But now we 're stumbling over roots , trying to find a way through this forest , and I 'm not sure if that was a snake that just moved beneath that tree over there . Slowly I get the creepy notion that we will have to be thankful if we ever get out of here again . And then suddenly we step into the sunlight . We have reached a clearing . At first the light is so bright that I feel almost blinded . But then I can see the small lake with the waterfall right in front of us , and I clap my hands for joy . " Hey , Taka , you were right ! This is absolutely beautiful ! " I wonder if we could go swimming in that lake ? The water looks clear from here . Of course we didn 't bring our swimsuits , but there 's nobody else around who would be able to see us . I try to walk closer to the lake , but then I see that it 's all muddy around here . An attempt to go swimming would probably turn out into some kind of mud wrestling instead , so I rather decide to stay on dry ground instead . But well , how about some other kind of ' sports ' . . . I look for Taka . He sits down in the grass , looking at the waterfall , and I sit down right next to him , putting my arms around his neck . " Hey , Honey , do you know what I 'm thinking right now ? " I feel disappointed and start to pout as I let go of him . " You 've really changed , Taka . Or is there something wrong with me ? What is it ? Did I get fat ? Am I not attractive to you anymore ? " " No , no , that 's not it . . . it 's just . . . I just can 't do that right now . . . You know , I was here before . . . " Finally I leave Taka sitting in the kitchen by himself and go to the living room . Maybe some distraction might be helpful right now , so I sit down on the sofa and turn on the TV . I switch through the channels , but I can 't concentrate on the program at all . Don 't you understand , Taka ? Don 't you understand what that means to me ? Do you know how that feels to be your second choice ? ooking up to the picture hanging on the wall right above me , I remember our argument last night . . . But then again no . o , it doesn 't feel right . t doesn 't feel right at all . aybe we should talk about that once more . ight away . start looking for Taka . e 's in the living room , staring at the picture on the wall . " Somehow I don 't feel comfortable about this whole thing . Look , I know that you want to take her there but do you really think it 's all right ? mean she 's just four ; it might be too early . . . " " But you already told her where we were going , didn 't you ? When I talked with her , she was all excited about going to the cemetery . She really wants to go with us now . " I start to raise my voice . " Taka , don 't you see what you are doing here ? I don 't want you to make our daughter sad about the death of someone she never knew ; someone who died long before she was born . . . " " Yes , it 's Kana ! " I 'm getting angry now . " It 's always Kana ! It 's Kana , Kana , and Kana again ! " So I just go on , talking even louder . " Don 't you see what you 're doing here ? It 's like you 're building up a wall around you . I can 't even reach you anymore . You close yourself off with your memories of her , and you leave me and our baby outside here in the cold . I don 't want my daughter to be drawn into that same conflict now , can 't you see ? " " But you don 't see anything . You 're just . . . just obsessed with her and you don 't even care if you hurt us . . . on 't you think we need you , too ? on 't you think we need your love , too ? " " No , you listen to me now . I thought I could do it . I thought I could be that strong to love you anyway . And I did , didn 't I ? I gave you all of my love , didn 't I ? I didn 't let go , even after you treated me so badly back then . . . Regardless of what you did , I would never give up on you , right ? No matter what happened , I would still love you . Didn 't I show enough devotion and perseverance loving you ? Maybe I should just accept his apology and stop . But I can 't . Instead I go on . " Think about it , Taka . And now be honest with me . Do you really think you treat me the way you should ? The way you should treat your wife the mother of your child the woman who loves you . . . " ( " Now think about it . Is it really love that you feel for me ? Do you still think so ? Am I more for you than just some kind of replacement for . . . for her ? " " Yumi , please . . . " Is he calling for me ? I don 't care anymore , I don 't want to listen to anything he might say right now . I just want to be alone . As I throw myself on my bed , I can feel hot tears running down my cheeks . It 's about time to leave now . Kana - chan 's all dressed up and ready to go , but where 's Yumi ? When I look into the living room , she 's sitting on the sofa and watching TV some documentary about medieval castles . ometimes I just don 't understand her . It 's about time . . . " She doesn 't give an answer , but at least she gets up , turns the TV off and follows me as I head to the door . Our daughter is already standing there , waiting impatiently . " Come here , Kana - chan ! " Happily she takes my hand , as we walk over to the garage . " Let 's go ! " This is the first time for our daughter to visit a cemetery . My parents have taken her hands showing her the way , and finally we 're standing in front of Kana 's grave now . She 's looking around curiously . " Where 's Auntie ? " I try to explain it to her . " Look , my darling , as I told you before , a cemetery is a place for dead people . Auntie died a long time ago before you were even born . nd when someone dies , we put the body in a grave like this , under the earth . nd then we put a gravestone like this on top , so that we can always can remember her at this place . " " No , Kana - chan , she can 't . Remember , dying is something like falling asleep . But when somebody dies , that person will not wake up again , but sleep forever . And that 's why we buried Auntie here , so that she can sleep here forever . " " So , the body becomes earth , and the earth becomes flowers ? " Our daughter squats down to take a closer look . Cautiously , almost reverently she touches the leaves of the plants growing on Kana 's grave with her fingers . " Auntie . . . " I continue with my explanation . " So the body has turned to earth . But even when someone has died and is buried here , you still can remember that person . The memories stay in your mind . Although it 's been a long time , I can still remember Kana . . . " As I feel my emotions welling up , I stop talking . My mother covers for me . " Look , Kana - chan , Auntie was your Daddy 's little sister , and he loved her very , very much . And when you were born , your parents named you after her , because they wanted to show how much they love you . " Little Kana thinks for a moment , until she comes to a conclusion . " Then my name is Kana , because you love me , right , Daddy ? " She smiles at me , but I can 't get a word out right now and just nod . Still smiling , she turns at the grave again . To me it looks as if she feels a deep connection with her aunt now . " Okay , darling , give me your hand . We have to go this way . " Yumi takes Kana - chan 's hand and they leave for the restrooms . " Well , we 'll be going , too , " my father tells me . " We want to pay a visit to Sumako 's grave as well . " As they walk away , I stand alone in front of the small grave . Hey , Kana . It 's me , Taka . I really need your help now . That argument I had with Yumi last night . . . I just didn 't know what to say anymore . Now it looks like everything got stuck . I know that something went wrong , but I 'm not sure what it is . Is it really my fault ? It 's worked out fine all these years , hasn 't it ? We 've got this far , and we 've been happy until now , right ? Why is she coming up with something like this now ? I had thought we just could go on like before . But now I can see that Yumi 's not happy at all with the situation . I don 't know , but it looks as if she 's jealous of you . So now here you are and there 's Yumi . don 't want to forget about you , but I don 't want to lose Yumi either . t 's definitely not like my love for her has gone . ot at all . fter all , she 's my wife and the mother of my child , and I 've been happy with her for all this time . ana , what should I do now ? know I need to change something . have to do something to make Yumi feel better . need to be more aware of her feelings than I was until now . . . ana , you know that I 'll never stop loving you . ou 'll be in my heart forever . ut now I have to be there for Yumi . t 's okay with you , right ? lease , let me know somehow that it 's okay . . hear footsteps approaching . t 's Yumi . tanding in front of the grave , we remain silent for a minute , looking down to the ground . " Okay , you can go first . " Yumi is looking at me , waiting for me to speak up . " Yumi , I . . . I 'm sorry . I just didn 't realize that I 've been hurting you . I didn 't mean to hurt you , really . . . I 'm really sorry . . . " I bow to her . She looks at me with surprise . " Oh , I . . . You know . . . actually , I wanted to apologize to you . . . you know , that silly argument yesterday I think I said a lot of nonsense . 'm sorry for complaining . . . " he bows to me as well , as I interrupt her . " No , no , listen . You were right somehow . . . I mean , with my feelings for Kana . . . I just didn 't realize it before . I wasn 't doing right by you . . . " I can see her looking straight in my face now . " Taka I know how important Kana is to you . nd sometimes it was really hard for me to accept that it made me jealous , I think . L ke you were locking yourself away in a castle with her , you know . . . " ; " I . . . I 'm sorry . . . " I turn my eyes down to the ground . " I didn 't think about it but I 'll try to do better , I promise . . . . " " Me too . " I can feel her hand touching mine . " I 'll try to do better , too . You know , I still love you . And I know we can do it , right ? " " Look , there 's more than just walls in such a castle , you know . There 's a lot of space inside , with many different rooms , big ones and small ones . Maybe our feelings are just like that ? " " Yes , and then I think one of those rooms in your heart is for me . I hope it 's still one of the bigger ones , right ? There are lots of other rooms as well for your parents , for example . or good friends . really big one for our daughter , of course . nd there 's one for her , too . . . " Tenderly I put my arm around Yumi 's shoulders , seeing a bright smile on her face . " Do you think I mean , if she could see us like this . . . o you think it would be okay with her ? " " Yes . " I nod my head . Yes , I definitely think so . I think she would be happy . She would want me to be happy she would want us to be happy . " It 's evening , and we 're back home . Kana - chan is playing in her room , and Taka went to pick up something for dinner . As I peek in little Kana 's room I see her sitting on the floor , playing with her toy bricks . She already built about a dozen vertical structures that look like small towers . " Oh . . . I . . . I see that 's . . . nice , yes . . . " keep standing in the doorway , not knowing how to react . he concentrates on her bricks again and continues to build little gravestones . Little Kana looks up and points at the largest structure right in front of her . It 's made of colourful red and yellow bricks . " Look , Daddy ! This one 's Auntie 's ! " " Hey , that 's really nice . Remembering your loved ones is very important . And I think Auntie would have liked this one . You know , she liked bright colours like these . " Taka picks up one of the old albums from a shelf in the living room and they sit down on the sofa . He shows the old pictures to her and tells her about her aunt 's short life . I take the food to the kitchen and prepare everything to serve dinner , while keeping listening to him with one ear . As I look out of the window , I can see it 's getting dark outside . I 've finished doing the dishes and sit down on the sofa , turning on the TV . Taka joins me after bringing our daughter to bed and reading a story to her . Suddenly he jumps up again . " Oh , wait ! Now I forgot something ! " He goes to the entrance hall to pick up a bag he had left there . Pulling out a large , framed photograph , he shows it to me . This is one we had taken last year with Taka , me , and Kana - chan on my lap . " Yes , but I already ordered another copy at the photo shop . I guess this one should go right here . " He holds the picture to the wall , next to the old one showing him with Kana . " What do you think ? " Taka has gone to bed already , and gradually I 've started feeling tired , too . Finally I switch off the TV and head to the bedroom . He 's already fallen asleep , so I keep quiet , because I don 't want to wake him up . Quickly I get undressed , put my PJs on and slip into the bed . Taka looks so peaceful when he 's sleeping . I love you , Taka . I can 't express how much I love you . Maybe our love can 't be exactly like those love stories you see in the movies , but I don 't want to complain . Though it 's been hard at times , it 's still love , right ? We 're a family , and you 're here with me , so I 'm happy . I 'll never give up on you , Taka because I love you . I snuggle up to his body and tenderly kiss his lips . Then he 's mumbling something in his sleep . Is he dreaming right now ? What are you saying , Taka ? I listen closely . Ouch . Kana . She 's still with us , and she always will be . For half a second I let go of Taka . But then I cling to him even tighter . Closing my eyes , I start drifting off to sleep . I know there 's a place in his heart for me , and for our daughter , too . We 're both going to give it our best effort , and it will all work out . We can do it . |
Touching language she would like to entreat him Touching language she would like to entreat him , but she was a port can only be issued moo roar , she listened to were taken aback . Argus is not always a fixed pasture watch her , because Hera and ordered him to continue to transform the abode of Io and Zeus is difficult to find her . In this way , Io guards holding her around the grazing . Io , arrived at his hometown , came to the banks of one of her childhood often play playing . At this time , Io , the first from the clear water to see his face . A horned animal head in the water , she was so startled that involuntarily stepped back a few steps , afraid to look down . With sisters and father , Ina Kos feelings of attachment , she came around them , but they did not know her . Ina Kos stroked her beautiful body , and small trees stroke one leaves to feed her . Io grateful to lick his hand , caressing his hand with tears and kisses , the ones who are ignorant , Pandora Bracelets did not know who strokes her own and do not know just who in gratitude to him . Finally come up with a rescue idea Io . Although she turned into a heifer , but her thoughts are not damaged , when she began to draw a line of words with their feet on the ground , and this move aroused the attention of the father . Ina the Coase soon know from the text on the ground stood before him , turned out to be her own daughter . " My God , I am an unfortunate man ! " The old man screamed and stretched out his arms , clinging to the distressed daughter of the neck , " I travel around the country to find that you can not believe you become like this ! to see you more sad to see you ! Why do you not speak ? poor ah , you can not give me a comforting word , can only be called to answer my cry cattle I used to fool ah , bent to pick a good fit to you repairing the torch of the bride , thinking her husband to give you rush to do the next marriage . now , but you turned into a cow … " Ina Coase has not yet finished , the Argus brutal guards , from Iraq Coase 's hands took away Io , holding her awayBe the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by pandora Bila Si Qi are the original inhabitants of ancient Greece Bila Si Qi are the original inhabitants of ancient Greece . Is their king Ina Kos . Into a beautiful daughter , Ming Jiaoyi E . Once Io in Lena grass for his father , shepherd , the holy mountain of Olympus dominate a saw her , and suddenly love . The fire of love of Zeus , the hearts of more and more hot , so he dressed as a man , came to earth , lure tease sweet language Io : " Oh , how happy young girl , to have your ah ! But the world any mortal good enough for you , you will only be appropriate to do the God of the king 's wife . tell you , I was Zeus , you do not be afraid ! hot match for noon , Come with me to the shade of a tree on the left down to rest , why do you torture themselves under the midday sun ? you into the dark woods , do not be afraid , I am willing to protect you . Pandora Bracelets persistent heaven token of God , the lightning directly to ground . " The girl very afraid in order to avoid the temptation , quickly run up . If it is not the Lord God to display his power , so that the entire region into a dark , she can escape . Now , she was wrapped in fog . She was worried about the hit the rocks , or fell into the slip slowed down . Therefore , fall into the hands of Zeus . The gods of the mother Hera , Zeus 's wife , she had known her husband 's unfaithfulness . He abandoned his wife , but then the mortal or demi - god 's daughter , excessive use of love . Hera 's suspicions growing , closely monitoring her husband in the world of all pleasure . At this time , she suddenly surprised to find that the ground have a place in the sunny clouds and mist . It is not naturally formed . Hera immediately became suspicious , looking for her unfaithful husband . She was searching through the holy mountain Olympus , and I could not find Zeus . " If I am not mistaken , " she angrily said to himself , " the husband must do something to hurt my feelings ! " So , she was coming in the clouds to earth , the command wrapped in the fog of the seducer and his prey quickly spread . Zeus is expecteBe the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by pandora Some climbed the peak Some climbed the peak , some driving from the wooden boat , sailing in a submerged roof . The flood has been diffuse over the vineyard , the bottom sweep of the grape trellis . Fish in the struggle between the dendrites fill the fields to escape the wild boar has been engulfed by the waves , drowning . Groups of people have been swept away , survived the later starved to death in a barren hilltop . Fu Kasi , the two peaks of a mountain above the surface , which is par ear that Gareth Hill . Prometheus , the son of Deucalion father 's warning in advance to build a ship . When flood waters come , he and his wife Pilar boat bound for Pago ear that sos . Created man and woman no more heart than their more devout . Zeus summon flooded the earth , and revenge on mankind . Looking down from heaven and earth , to see thousands of those who have only a poor man , floating in the water , the couple goodness and belief in God only . Zeus put out the anger . Pandora Bracelets summoned the north , the north wind to disperse the clouds of dark clouds and thick mist , the sky sight . In charge of the sea Poseidon seeing put down the Trident , billowing Haitao receded seawater tame retreated to the high banks of the river back to the riverbed . Exposed trees from deep water on the leaves , covered with sludge . Reproduce the mountains , the plains stretch the earth to recover . Deucalion look around , the earth is barren , a muddy , as the grave silence . Less than a living watching it all , he could not help but shed tears , his wife , Pilar , said : " Dear , I looked a distance , the two of us is the only human on earth , others are flood engulfed , however , we find it difficult to survive . I see a cloud made me panic even if all danger passed , the two of us alone in this desolate world , they can do I have the ability to create human beings ? Well , if my father Prometheus Church , taught me to give the soul a clay figurine of technology , then how good wife to listen to his finish , but also very sad , two people can not help but burst into tearsBe the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by In order to make money as soon as possible , James came into the mountains with his friends . They built houses there , and decided to live on mining there . They borrowed some pandora silver from their relatives , and exchanged some tools on mining with them . Every morning , they planted bombs into the earth . As it was fired , the large rocks would break into small pieces immediately . Then James started to look for something with high value there . in the stones without any intention . When he came back to his lab , he spent a lot of money to hire Alice , a famous designer , to process it . In about two days , some beautiful pandora charms took shape . He was very glad . He picked up one of the products , and kept it by himself as a keepsake . He said that it was the sign of the fact that he had ability to earn a better life . He took the rest charms to the market , and sold them at the price of $ 1000 as per . He held the money in his arm , and was too excited to fall asleep . He had earned the first barrel of gold in his life . It was the beginning of accomplishing his dream . With the money , James bought a little shop in the central street of the city . Since then , he started to do some businesses on jewelry . He set up a company in the name of Pandora jewelry . His friends were responsible for selecting the precious stones from the stones in the mountain . Of course , he had built his own factory . In the factory , the workers processed the precious ones with the advanced machines . After the designers ' creative designs , different sort of charming products came into existence . They specialized in pandora necklace . The company imported some beautiful pandora beads , which were carved into different shapes . A lot of Pandora jewelry was exported to foreign countries . In about two years , the little shop had been the biggest shopping hall in the city . James was the CEO of the chief company . To accomplish his dream , he went back to the jewelry shop to buy the pandora bracelets But it had already been sold out . He was very sad about it . His secretary had another pair of Pandora bracelets made to order as he described . However , there were no similar leaves in the same tree , because everything was unique . In fact , James was still confused by the old man 's words . He was eager to catch on the real meaning of Pandora . One day , the old man appeared again . He asked James what he had found . James did not say anything . The old man smiled . He said : " Young man , I come back here to tell you the truth now . In fact , there is no Pandora in the world . I have lied to you . But it is indeed a white lie . Actually , Pandora is just like your heart . You have done the right things . Follow your heart when you decide to do things . In fact , you have got what you want . " After a while , James smiled . He realized that the old man was right . In previous days , though James had dreams , he never decided to accomplish them . To him , dreams were far from him . However , after he started to look for Pandora , he was getting closer to his dreams . He had contributed his life into the business relationship on pandora jewelry He was sure that he had already received the best present . That was to follow one 's own heart . Be the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by pandora , pandora beads , Pandora Bracelets , pandora charms , pandora jewellery Follow Your Heart - one In recent years , along with the rapid advance of the society , we are always confronted with different choices . In face of so many lures , what should we do ? The answer is to follow your own heart . When you do not know what to do , do not hesitate and just follow your heart , because it is no wonder that one 's heart is the best guidance of his action . Do not you believe it ? The following story about pandora will be a good example . Once upon a time , there was a young man named James Brown . From most people 's opinions , it seemed that he had no special ideas about living in the world . Everyday he was always idling about in the street corners by himself . He had no job or family , not to mention money . He did not have any places to live in , either . His clothes were completely worn out , and there were many holes in it . What was worse , he was often debased by his peers . James was very puzzled that he was not welcomed by others all the time . One day , he came across an old man who was full of wisdom . He was wearing a crown studded with a big pandora crystal . He told James to look for something about Pandora . James was confused and did not know what to do . The man said mysteriously : " Young man , do not hesitate any more . Pandora is something wonderful , but I can not tell you what it is now . You must find it by yourself . Good luck to you ! Do not worry , and I will be back at the right time . " After saying these words , the man went away and disappeared in the dense mist . James was too surprised to say any words . Out of curiosity , he decided to look for Pandora by himself . At first , he thought that Pandora must be a person . Thus , he went to the police station , and hoped that the police could help him . At the same time , he posted some advertisements on the public places . He took out all his pandora gold as a reward . However , things did not go well . Three months had passed , but there was still no result . Actually , there was not any person named Pandora . As James was in great confusion , a friend told him that there was a brand in the name of Pandora by accident . Out of curiosity , he went to all the shopping halls in the town as soon as possible . At last , in a small jewelry shop , he was very excited to see that a series of pandora jewelry was on sale . They were shinning brightly , especially the pandora charms . They were displayed in the corner of the counter . James felt as if they had the same characteristics as him . He was living in the corner of the city , and no one would take notice of him . But as a matter of fact , he had a dream in his mind . He dreamed of being a rich man who had made great contributions to the society . However , at that time , he had no chances to show himself at all . No one would care about him . But he insisted that his dream would come true one day . He thought that even though the Pandora bracelets were not the most beautiful ones , they still played an important role in the line of the ornaments . He said to himself that as long as he had enough money , he would buy them . Even if he could afford only one pandora bracelet , he would take it home , too . Thinking about this , James set up his mind to start his own business . Be the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by pandora , pandora beads , Pandora Bracelets , pandora charms , pandora jewellery Special Marketing Strategies In recent years , as the rapid development of the economy , there are more and more terrible problems in the turnover of the financial resource . It is also called economic crisis . So does the field of luxuries . Many companies are forced to bankrupt . However , as the leader of fashion , a company in the name of Beauty never loses its position . Last Friday , pandora Brown , the CEO of the largest jewelry company , is interviewed in the program named " To Be Honest " . She shows the publicity the mystery in the marketing strategies . Unlike other jewelry companies , Pandora never goes in a usual way . It is widely acknowledged that most of the jewelry companies produce ornaments such as pandora earrings . Thus , the market is overstocked . Many beautiful designs are ignored easily . Many products are sold at a lower price than its original value , though they are made of pandora gold . Under the urgent circumstance , a policy is carried into execution by the Beauty . It will purchase all the Pandora earrings in the market at a middle price . In a few days , the market resumes normal state again . Due to the favorable behavior , the government writes a gratitude letter to the company . In the Annual Best Enterprise Appraisal , the Beauty is at the second place and receives a medal made of pandora silver . The next month , pandora charms are of great popularity as the main products of the Beauty . It is amazing that the designs are the same as the Pandora earrings . In fact , the company appreciates the designs very much . The designers select a pandora crystal from the earrings , and then connect it with a pandora chain . For a moment , a pandora charm takes shape . It is much more expensive than a pair of Pandora earrings . But it deserves to be popular . On the other hand , a bright idea comes into Pandora 's mind . As soon as she thinks about this , she asks the owners of the shops to put it into practice . They set up some shops opposite the street or next to their shops . They specialize in the same pandora jewelry which is sold at different prices . For example , it a lady wants to buy a pair of pandora bracelets , she will think about the quality , the design , the raw and processed materials , especially the price . The compared shop sells it at a higher price , and the shop does in the opposite way . Women prefer to make a comparison when they are shopping . In contrast , most of them choose the products at a lower price . As a matter of fact , the so - called lower price is much higher than its original value . In this way , the Beauty makes a bigger profit . Besides the marketing strategies , some promotion activities are held . Every Saint Valentine 's Day , the Beauty provides some unsalted pandora beads . Lovers can design by themselves . They carve it into the shapes as they like , or print their pictures on the surface of the beads . Some romantic young men express their affection to their " princess " . Usually they regard the DIY beads as the symbol of their love . There is an old story about Goddess Pandora prevailing in the folk . She is a perfect woman who is full of all the traditional virtue . She loves her family , and treasures her children . However , in order to rescue her son from the fire , she contributes her own life . Many people are impressed by her great sacrifice . Children wear pandora necklace to remember her . Thus , when Mothers ' Day is coming , all sorts of charming necklaces at a preferential price are on sale . The marketing strategies are depended on different consumers . After hearing Pandora 's words , the audience benefits a lot . Thanks to the special marketing strategies , the market becomes much more interesting . Be the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by pandora , pandora beads , Pandora Bracelets , pandora charms , pandora jewellery An Actress ' Love pandora was an actress working in a famous movie company . Her charm of manner made her very popular . She was tall and thin , her charming golden hair lied back in curls from her small ears . Her eyes are blue , and full of gentle firmness . She had a great career . In many people 's eyes , she was a perfect woman . However , perhaps due to her perfection , she never had a boyfriend . Young men thought that Pandora was so wonderful that no one could match her . In recent years , she was busy with her career . What was more , she did not take part in activities any more . Thus , she had not chance t make friends . In 2009 , she got a pair of pandora bracelets as an award . Though she had succeeded in her career , she was not happy . Every time she received an honor , she just put it in her closet . Pandora had collected five hundred medals so far . Obviously , prizes could not bring Pandora happiness . One day , a young man named John went to New York to do an errand . After the meetings , he decided to have a walk along the street alone . Suddenly , he saw that a car was going to knock down a girl . He ran towards her and pushed her away without hesitate . In front of him , the car stopped . In fact , the girl was Pandora . She was acting a depressed woman who wanted to kill herself in the street . All that John had seen was an arranged accident . John had disturbed their performance . His face got red at once . However , the brave " hero " had left a deep impression on Pandora . She smiled and left him her phone number . From then on , they contracted frequently . John gave Pandora a ring , or left a message . Sometimes , they went out to have a date . They got to know each other bit by bit . John had a wealthy family . His father dealt with business on the import and export of pandora jewelry . John , his sole son , would inherit the company when he retired . Pandora was a potential actress who would have a bright future in the field of film . If they got married , Pandora had to give up her career . Otherwise , the journalists would make up scandals on them . They had no choice , because they had fallen in love with each other deeply . They had kept the close relationship for three years . Every Pandora 's birthday , John would give her a surprise and sensation . He had sent her three pandora charms so far . However , in the forth year , what would he do ? Everyone was too impatient to wait for the results . John went to the mountain to find natural gems . After a month , he succeeded . He hired a famous designer to design a robe for Pandora . As he required , some precious stones and pandora gold was studded on it . On the other hand , he asked the workers to carve the natural gems into pandora beads . Then he connected them with a chain . With the perfect designs , a pandora necklace took shape . On the party , many celebrities were present . Pandora was wearing the robe and the necklace . They shone brightly . Everyone was excited to see the beautiful princess . After the meal , John asked Pandora to dance . They had their first dance in the middle of the dancing pool . After the last circle , John stood in his knees suddenly , and took out a ring from his pocket . There was a big pandora crystal studded on it . It was the treasure that he found in the mountain . Pandora could not say anything except nodding . In the applause , they hugged and kissed . From then on , they had a happy life . Be the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by pandora , pandora beads , Pandora Bracelets , pandora charms , pandora jewellery Love with Intrigue Nowadays , it is widely acknowledged that love should be as pure as water . More and more young people are pursuing their love with great ardor . They hold the idea that love must be perfect . However , Charles Brown , the inheritor of the pandora Company , does not think so . In his mind , love can be incarnated in different forms . Thus , there are all sorts of love with different meanings . For example , Charles ' love is full of intrigue . Two years ago , James Brown , Charles ' father , decided to retire . But it was difficult to choose the inheritor , because he had two sons . Both of them were excellent , and they did their best show their abilities . James liked kids . He wanted to have a grandchild very much . But his sons were still single . He said to his wife that the one who got married first would inherit his position , and the other would receive all the pandora gold In that case , Charles started to run after a girl named Lily . She was a teacher working in a middle school . He lied to her that she was the most beautiful girl he had met . He fell in love with her at the first sight . Everyday he picked up her in front of the school gate . He went shopping with her and bought her some wonderful pandora charms Then she would give him a kiss as a reward . Every Saint Valentine 's Day , Lily would receive ninety nine red roses from Charles . They had dinner , sang and danced together till the midnight . They never quarreled about trifles in life . It seemed that they were born with lovers . Once upon , they attended a friend 's wedding party . Many journalists were present . In the evening , when the firework was bursting into the air , Charles stood on his knees in front of Lily . He took out a shinning ring studded with a big pandora crystal , and pulled it on her middle finger . There was no doubt that Lily had accepted his proposal . The next month , the wedding was held in the largest church in London . Obviously , Charles took over the company later . He did not have time to stay at home with Lily at the weekend . In order to avoid scandal , they had to pretend that they had a lifetime of perfect felicity . But it was hard for the couple to tell a lie . In the end , they divorced . Due to the wrong operation , there were severe problems in the turnover of the fund in the company . At that time , Julia was the sole daughter of the CEO of the biggest bank in London . As long as the bank injected funds into the company , it will go though the difficulty . Thus , Charles began to get close to the girl . He sent her a pair of pandora bracelets as a present on her birthday party . When she was in trouble , he would come to provide aids in time . At the same time , Charles asked Julia to be a mouthpiece of pandora necklace , the chief product of the company . As time passed , Julia was impressed deeply . They got married before long . The economic crisis was defeated . However , the new marriage became a nightmare for Charles . As Julia was the sole daughter , her parents babied her very much . She did not cook at home , not to mention the housework . Charles played a role of a nanny rather than a husband . But he could not complain about anything . Maybe it was the Nemesis of love with intrigue . Be the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by pandora , pandora beads , Pandora Bracelets , pandora charms , pandora jewellery Sleepwalking In a remote village , there was a girl named pandora . Her family lived on hunting . Though they worked hard , they still had a poor life . Pandora was a brilliant girl . Every term , she got the first place in her class . As she knew the economic crisis in her family , she set up her mind to study hard , and get the acceptance of a famous university . She would make much money to help her family get though the difficulties . However , under the huge spiritual pressure , she became a sleepwalker . She had a habit of getting up in the middle of the night and walked along the road in front of her house . It was very dangerous . Her family worried much about Pandora . In some circumstances , they had to tie the girl in bed , lock her door , hide the key , and take all sorts of measures to wake her up if Pandora should get out of bed . As a matter of fact , it did not work well . One day , Pandora 's parents went to visit her aunt in the neighboring town . They sent some pandora charms to her as a present , because she came up with ideas to cure Pandora 's illness . Thus , Pandora was left home alone . After reading a book on exploration , she lied in her bed . After a while , she fell asleep and went on her dreams . In her dream , she was an empress who controlled all the wealth in the world . But she could no find her crown studded with a big pandora crystal . The habit of sleepwalking started to work out . She got up and put on her clothes without consciousness . Then she searched everywhere to look for the so - called crown . In the end , she put a basin over her head . The basin was broken , and her father posted a piece of pandora silver on it to avoid splitting . Perhaps Pandora had regarded it as the crystal . Pandora opened the door , and went on her journey along the road . She came into a dense forest . There were many wild animals and plants . Out of curiosity , she picked up some beautiful seeds . They were like pandora beads on sale in the shopping hall . She connected them with a string . A moment later , a pair of pandora bracelets took shape . She put it on her wrist though a sharp thorn stabbed her . She went on sleepwalking . Just at that time , a rabbit came into her eyes . What a lovely rabbit it was ! Pandora started to run after it . As she did not intend to hurt it , she put down her weapon and just ran . Unluckily , the rabbit bumped its head on the tree . It bled immediately . Obviously , it died . Pandora held it in her arm and cried sadly . She just wanted to make friends with it . After a while , Pandora buried the rabbit in the earth and made a small grave for it . Then she decided to went back home with great sadness . Suddenly , a bear went towards her . It tried to approach her and imitate the way of walking . Pandora was so scared that she could not move any more . Her dad 's words called up her remembrance . He said : " Be kind to the enemy is to be cruel to ourselves . " Thus , she took up her sword which was made of pandora gold Pandora went to her bed . She was so tired that she fell asleep immediately . In the morning , she got up early . When her parents came back , they were surprised to see the situation . So did Pandora . She did not remember what she had done in the midnight . It was an experience of sleepwalking . Be the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by pandora , Pandora Bracelets , pandora chain , pandora charms , pandora earrings A White Lie - one Nowadays , it is widely believed that lying is not a good habit . To be honest is a kind of traditional virtue . It is necessary for them to pass it on from generation to generation . There is no doubt that a liar should go to the hell for his dishonesty . However , a white lie is an exception . A long time ago , there was a girl named pandora . She was born in a common family in a small town . She was so sweet that her parents called her sweetie . When she was born , they sent her a pair of pandora bracelets to express their love . It seemed that the family had a life of happiness and prosperity . However , at the age of five , Pandora was ill . She had a high fever , and collapsed for several times . Her parents were very worried about her . They sent her to the best hospital in the town . The doctors cured her with the highest technology . The illness was controlled for the moment . On the other hand , in order to pay the expensive free - for - service , her parents took out some pieces of pandora gold which was all their amassment . But it was not enough as a matter of fact . They had to cork harder than before . To some extent , working was not only the symbol of their value living in the world any more , but a method to make money . Her father was a driver working in a transportation company . Everyday he had to give free transportation for a certain amount of baggage . His salary was one hundred dollars a month . It was just enough to pay for the fees for living in hospital . What was worse , he did not have any time to do other part - time jobs . Looking at the lovely girl lying in bed helplessly , his heart was bleeding badly . as a reward . He thought that it was a good idea . Thus , he lied to his family that he would go for a long transportation . Actually , he went to the hospital on the advertisement behind his wife 's back . After a while , the nurse took out one hundred milliliter of blood . He felt giddy a little . Having a rest , he bought a pair of pandora earrings for his wife and drove back home with the silver happily . On his way home , he had an accident due to the blackout . When he was driving , he was very tired and wanted to sleep . His eyes were out o focus . He could not see anything clearly . He must stop the truck . But it was on the highway . As his truck stopped , a car behind it had no time to think about what happened . The car was running do fast that the driver could not stop it in time . In the end , it knocked down the truck . When the police came there , Pandora 's father was dead . He had no time to say goodbye to his family . When a policeman handed the relics and an invoice to her mother , she cried loudly . She knew what her husband had done to the family at once . It was a white lie . which her husband sent her on her birthday . She considered that such things could remind her sadness . However , she kept a ring in her closet which was a present for their engagement . There was a big pandora crystal studded on it . It was the witness of their love and marriage . Be the first to comment - What do you think ? Posted by |
Realistically we had about two weeks to find someone and even with that it left us with only two weeks to get whomever we found to practice with us and for all of us to form a band . This knowledge set the band into a tizzy . One would think that for a group of teenage guys playing at a wedding wouldn 't be a big deal , and it wasn 't , but the money that was on the line is what made it a big deal . We had a couple of prospects but none of them had the right tone for the song nor did they really mesh well with our little band of musicians . One day during practice we received a miracle . I know it wasn 't a real miracle , but in my life it was just short of one . The four of us and Milly were in the barn once again ; it is where we spent most of our free time , talking about what we were going to do . None of us wanted to lose this gig , but we just didn 't have any prospect for the singer we needed . Parley , who hadn 't been around the band much after the day she slapped Midori , entered and began to fidget . " You will ? That is great . " Midori , who had been in a far away land since the day of the infamous slap , beamed and took a step toward her . He reached out to place a friendly hand on her shoulder but Milly stepped between them . " I don 't think so . She probably can 't even sing . This is just another one of her tricks . " A defiant grin crawled onto Milly 's face . " There is nothing behind the gesture . No tricks . " Parley looked Midori directly in his eyes when she said that . " I just want to help my brother out . " I took a good look at my sister . She hadn 't really been in a family bonding place in years and I had to know if she was planning something , but the look on her face , the tone of her voice and hell even the way she was dressed screamed with change . Something had happened to my sister and perhaps this was a good something . Perhaps it was the something that could bring her back around to being Parley again . " I sure do . " Walking to the mic stand she asked , " Acapella or do you all want to join in to see how awesome we sound ? " Her voice laced with confidence . We all scrambled to our instruments and she was right we sounded great . Her voice was perfect for the song and when Midori harmonized with her it was magical . There was no way that Milly could deny that my baby sister could sing . When the song was over we all were excited for her to join us , but Milly still didn 't like the idea and tried many avenues to get us to turn her away . No one was really interested in what she had to say on the matter until she made one really good point that none of us could rebuff . " She can 't be in the band . She is only thirteen and won 't be allowed in the bars . You four aren 't even allowed to stay after your gigs . " She knew she had us and she looked at us all smugly . Leave it to my sister to know exactly what to say . " I don 't want to be in the band . I just want to perform at the wedding so that your sister will hire them . " Milly opened her mouth but then closed it again . She had no retort to this logic and she knew it . " Well then it is settled . Welcome to the Southern Llama 's Parley . " I removed my hands from her shoulders and moved away , but as I did I heard Midori say , " You 're not going to slap me again are you ? " I couldn 't help but chuckle as I climbed behind my drums . " Let 's try that song again . " The next couple of weeks were some of the best of my teenage life . They were full of the work I loved as well as the people I loved . Having Parley being involved and not cold and distant was something . She was really a funny girl and having her vocals in the band was incredible . She made us better and we wished she would have been allowed to sing with us as we performed at the bar . The only one that didn 't seem happy about having Parley around was Milly , but it just made her work twice as hard to vie for Midori 's attention . Soon the wedding day was upon us . Milly looked beautiful in her bridesmaid gown and I couldn 't help but wish , as I stared at her , that I was her date and not Midori . She had convinced him that she needed a date or her family would look down at her . He agreed , but made sure she knew that this " date " didn 't change their relationship status . They were friends and nothing more . Despite this she seemed to be overly confident that it meant more . Then we were invited to attend the dinner . I sat at a table with Abram but wished I was sitting with the blonde beauty that was to Midori 's right . The two of them sat at the head table with Milly 's parents . I watched the two of them with envy . Watching her touch his arm lightly , laughing at his stupid jokes and leaning toward him every chance she got filled me with jealousy . I longed to be in Midori 's shoes , but I couldn 't blame my best friend ; all he ever did was be himself . When I couldn 't watch them any longer my eyes diverted to another table where Parley was sitting across from Marques , a boy she hardly knew . The two of them ate in silence , but even in silence if you listen closely you can still hear the story that is going on . Her eyes kept diverting over to the table to her right and when Midori look up at her she would quickly find her plate interesting . It was frustrating to watch and I could only hope that someday these two would find their way to one another . I guess part of that hope was because that would open the way for me to ask Milly out , but I couldn 't let myself really think of that or I felt terrible . As I glanced over at Midori , who 's lovely voice complemented mine so well , I couldn 't control the tears that threatened to spill and soon my face was full of my mascara stained tears . I thought about all the years I spent being angry at him for leaving me when in reality I was the one who deserted him in my grief . Hope began to swell in me as I thought that after the wedding I would tell him how I truly felt , but then I made the mistake of looking out into the crowd and saw an adoring Milly staring passionately at Midori . From day one she never faltered in her feelings for him . She never went hot and cold with him and she never raised her hand to him . Doubt began to fill me as I remembered our three year age difference and by the time the song was over I had convinced myself that I only wanted Midori to be happy and I was only a toxin to him . I would never be good enough to be with such a wonderful boy . When I sang the last note of the song I dropped my microphone and darted off the stage . As I ran I wiped the tears from my eyes vowing that these would be the last tears that my beloved Midori would see me cry . I knew he would chase after me for he was too caring for his own good . From behind me I heard Milly 's squeaky voice say , " Come on Midori dance with me . You are my date after all . " But as predicted Midori caught up with me . As I turned to face him he immediately began his questioning . " Parley , what is wrong ? Is there something you want to tell me ? " " The song just got to me . I wanted to make it special for the couple so I put everything I had into it . " It wasn 't exactly a lie . " I have no idea what you are talking about Midori . The wedding , the song , and the atmosphere it just all got to me . Made me think of my parents and the past . That 's all . " I thought that I was being convincing , but Midori didn 't buy it at all . Before I knew it Midori had his arms around me pulling me close to him , and when he planted his lips to mine it startled me . I froze not kissing him back but not pulling away from him either . When I realized this was actually happening and not my imagination I had to force myself to pull away from him . I placed my right hand on his jacket , over his heart , and gave him a forlorn look . " Midori , it doesn 't matter how I feel . We aren 't meant to be . We are just not right for each other . " As much as I didn 't want to mean those words I knew that deep down I did . I wasn 't right for him . He deserved so much better and I was going to step aside and allow him to have that . " You have wasted enough time on me . There is someone who has been there for you and I think she deserves a chance . " I took him by his shoulders and turned him to face Milly . " But … " He started . I couldn 't listen to him . I couldn 't hear his words full of love and I couldn 't tell him no again . I gave him a slight push forward and once again I allowed my feet to do their best work and ran away from the one boy I will ever truly love . The rest of the summer went by in a blur . I had been right and things did change . Parley quit the band , and pretty much steered clear whenever Midori was around . However , she began to engage with our family more . Dad was beginning to push past his grief and the three of us began to patch up our injured family . Midori wasn 't around much after the wedding . Sure he was at every band practice and gig and we touched based every day , but he was spending a lot of time at the Lee 's house . The two of them hadn 't become an official couple yet , but I knew it was just a matter of time . Milly was doing a great job helping him heal from his broken heart . When school started it became worse . Our band wasn 't able to book gigs so there was no need for us to meet up as often as we did . Sure we hung out from time to time and talked about what the summer after our senior year would bring , but that is all it was … talk . I was in my senior year of high school and I should be having the time of my life , but instead I was losing my best friend . The worst part about it was the fact that it wasn 't something I had done or a fight we had , had . It was because he was in love with my sister and she wouldn 't allow anything to happen . Four months after school started I received a very unnerving phone call . It was from Dr . Fantrain . He told me that he was being admitted to the hospital and he needed me to spend more time at the farm . He was worried that the animals wouldn 't get fed and they would lack human interaction . As Midori spent more time at Milly 's he spent less time at the Slughorn 's . It was no longer a necessity for him to be there with Parley and dad healing . Dad was making meals again . He would talk and visit with Parley and our family began to feel whole again . A month of hard work went by and one rare night I was home , there was a knock on the door . Our visitor was a lawyer . He asked if he could talk to me . Not knowing what it was about dad insisted he come in and that our conversation be held at the kitchen table . I couldn 't believe what I was being told . How could Dr . Fantrain be dead ? Why would he leave me the farm ? It was all too confusing and heartbreaking . I had once again lost someone that I looked up too . Someone who believed in me and made me feel I could accomplish anything . He was my hero and my mentor . How would the world go on with such a wonderful soul missing from it ? He handed me a letter and I couldn 't take any more . As I walked away I could hear dad agreeing that we would go to Mr . Brighton 's office the following week to sign all the paperwork . That when I turned eighteen I would be the proud owner of Fantrain Farm . Dear Pello My Boy , I know this may come as a shock to you because I lead you to believe my illness wasn 't a big deal , but I knew I was dying when I was admitted to the hospital . I apologize for the dishonesty , but I didn 't want to accept that I was leaving this world , which meant I was leaving you and Kora as well . This past year has been wonderful mentoring you to be a veterinarian and teaching you about farming and animal care . You and Kora are like my own children and it breaks my heart thinking about leaving you . I hope you will forgive me someday . If you are reading this letter then you know I have left Fantrain Farm to you . There is no one else that would take care of it and its residents like I know you will . You were meant to be my predecessor and I know in my heart that all you have been through was just the path to your true calling . You are going to do amazing things my boy . You will find a tin box under my bed . It is my nest egg and it is yours . It isn 't much but it should help with school . Be a veterinarian , make the Slughorn name great , and be kind to others . Please keep Kora on and help her through this grief . You may not see it now , but she will forever be your loyal friend . We had a visitor . When I answered the door and saw the face that rustled the deepest anger in me I was reluctant to tell him where my dad was . I couldn 't bear the thought of sending this man to him just to bring back all those horrible memories . Our family was healing and we didn 't need this set back . Instantly my blood ran cold . Why was he here ? Didn 't he cause enough pain for my family ? There was no reason he should be here . " When that unauthorized book came out I loved that the press got it all wrong . I loved that they said that Octavia , despite choosing you , still loved me and couldn 't resist me . Selfishly I allowed the hushed whispers and rumors to circulate and never corrected anyone . I didn 't even care when Misty finally left me . " " Kyle , the truth is I loved her . I wanted her . I couldn 't resist her . I wanted her to love me and not you . " " I know . She was with me , but it wasn 't like you think . We first started to meet to talk about the boys . She had some concerns and wanted my help to guide them . It didn 't take long for her to realize that I had begun to drink , and was drinking a lot . When she confronted me I broke down and begged her not to tell Misty or the boys . I am an asshole , but I do love my boys . I am also proud and didn 't want anyone to know my issues . " " Yes . I was grateful for her help , but mostly I loved the time with her . I never stopped loving her . She will always been the one in my heart . " I looked the man who had done so much damage in the eyes . " That leaves us with two things in common . " I was referring to my love for his boys and my love for Octavia . " Why didn 't you come forward sooner ? " He didn 't answer me . Instead he stood up , clapped me on the back and said , " Have a great life Kyle . Relish in the fact that the woman you loved , loved you back . " I snapped the book shut and pitched it across my room , causing the book to ricochet off the door and fall face open on the floor . How dare they write this stuff about my mother ? What gave them the right ? Oh I forgot it has the word unauthorized in the title so that gives them the right . I didn 't need to finish it , I had lived it . She noticed the book on the floor and swooped it up . " The Unauthorized Story of Octavia Slughorn . " She read the spine of the book and then tossed it onto my nearby desk . An unnatural laugh escaped her lips and she cocked her hip and looked back in my direction . " You finally decide to read that nonsense ? " It came out more like an accusation then a question , but that is what my sister had become ; a cold , sarcastic young woman who would soon be a teenager . " Parley , I 'm not in the mood for you today . Get the hell out of my room ! " I rose to my knees and pointed to the door . Since our mother died I had always tried to be the encouraging older brother , but there were times she pushed my nerves to the core and today was one of them . I looked over at Cherry and saw in her eyes that she wanted something from me , but unlike my father 's request , her 's was doable and reasonable . I reached over and began running my fingers though the soft fur on top of her head . Her stare eased , signaling me that she had forgiven me for shutting her out of my room ; since I found her she had been by my side and that is where she is happiest . She laid her head on my knee and I pulled both my hands behind my head and laid back into my pillow . I had a big decision to make and I had to make is soon . I just recently turned sixteen and with that , as the old saying goes , comes great responsibility . After all my party guests left my father , in one of his lucid moments , sat me down and asked me to take on a great task . He began by explaining to me that Octavia had set out to create a legacy out of the Slughorn name ; one where people would hear the name and admire it and be able to take life lessons from . He went on to tell me that she had decided that she had wanted me to carry on this legacy , and my dad wanted to know if I would take on that challenge . Percy brought along with his steady Margo , and as he stood at the gravesite he could not muster any tears for his departed mother . His heart was crushed and he felt lost without her , but the tears just would not come . Margo just rubbed his back and whispered in his ear that everything would be okay . Firefly still kept her distance from Porter , but was there with the girls to allow them to say good - bye to their grandma . Porter 's heart was heavier than most at the funeral for he was dealing with a double loss . He was not allowed to be with the woman he loved and the woman who had raised him when the man who shared his DNA abandoned him was now gone . The only comfort he could find was in Robin and Ana and he tried to rejoice in the blessing he had in his girls . Parley struggled and felt lost . She was the only female of the Slughorn clan and she didn 't know how she would cope without her mother . Without a woman to guide her through all the things she needed to learn . All of us tried to be there for her in the days that followed mom 's death but the only one she seemed to respond to was my best friend and the boy she use to find annoying , Midori Sour . I watched as he held a protective arm around my sister and I just knew she would be okay with him in her life . Even Danger and Misty Zone were there . My father was so against them attending , but Danger convinced him he had a right to be there since he and Octavia had three sons together . Misty acted as if she had lost her best friend . I didn 't understand her reaction because she and mom hadn 't been friends for years . At the end of the service Father Thomas called on Parley . It had been requested by my father that Parley sing the departing song . When he had asked her to do it she just shrugged her shoulders and walked out of the room and never brought it up again , but now when it was time to step in front of everyone she froze in her spot . I watched as Midori pulled her tight against his chest and wrap his arms protectively around her . He whispered something in her ear and waited for her reply . She wiped the tears from her eyes and stepped out of his shield of protection and took her place in front of mom 's coffin . She cleared her throat and tried to sing , but the only thing that came out was a strange croaking noise . She bowed her head and wiped more tears from her eyes . After a few seconds she tried again : The house after the funeral was a mad house . Many of those that weren 't allowed in the cemetery showed up with casseroles , and breads and really what they wanted was a glimpse of the inside . They wanted something to gossip about , something to criticize and something to be jealous about . Most got what they wanted especially after the book came out . The rest of us pretty much found our own thing to do . Parley and Midori were out back sitting on the swings , Pax , Jade and Bluebell were busy in the kitchen putting away food and serving some as well . Percy and Margo were held up on the couch talking in low voices amongst themselves and dad was desperately trying to avoid the single women that were now hunting him out . I found myself in a chair with the family photo album on my lap . The day seemed to drag on forever . Two months after we buried Octavia we Slughorn 's had our first birthday . It wasn 't a very festive day . There was no cake , no balloons and really no presents . I felt bad , but when I asked Percy about it he told me he was fine with how it all went down . Lucky for him he has a great gal in Margo and she took him for a picnic lunch in the park . Dad asked Percy to stick around for a while to help him take care of the three of us left at home and he agreed . Dad hadn 't been doing well since mom died . He was growing distant from us and wasn 't providing for us as he did in the past and a month later when the " The Unauthorized Story of Octavia Slughorn " came out he just about shut down completely . The whole town turned their backs on our family when that awful book came out . It didn 't take long for us to be the talk of the town and not in a good way either . Soon the kids in school started to torment Parley . They would have done the same to me , but I had Midori and I just didn 't care what they thought so when they saw that their teasing didn 't affect me they got bored with it and stopped , but Parley was a different story . She didn 't really have any friends , well except for Midori who was my age and in a different class , and she was very sensitive and the slightest things would set her emotions off . Even though my dad had pretty much tuned out when Parley came home from school upset something made him pay attention to that and finally he had , had enough . It was decided that we would move . For the first time since mom died he became active in researching the best place for our family and plans were made . Months past and it was decided we would move to Appaloosa Plains . The house in Riverview became Percy 's and since Porter had kids he opted to stay with Percy until he was legal to move out on his own , which would be soon after we moved . Moving day came and all of our belongs were packed tight in a moving van in front of the house . It was time to say our good - byes and be on our way . The house was full with family and friends and many hugs , I love you and good lucks were being tossed around , but Parley was nowhere in the mix of things . She hadn 't liked the torture of the other school kids , but she didn 't want to move . She didn 't want to leave her brothers , nieces but most importantly she didn 't want to leave Midori . " There you are . " She wiped away tears as he took her hand . " Come on we need to get you back to say your good - bye 's . " He tried to lead her back but she pulled against him forcing him to stop . She just stared at him . He moved closer to her and brushed her cheek with his hand . " It will be okay . There 's skype , email and texting I will always be there for you Par . " " You 're going to forget all about me when I leave . You are going to find some pretty , normal girl and fall madly in love and I will be but a memory . " Parley sobbed against Midori 's back . Midori slowly turned around and looked her in her eyes . " You 're such a silly girl . Do you know that ? Did I let the fact that you found me annoying stop me from getting to know you ? No ! I 'm not about to let distance stop us from knowing each other . So stop being silly and get in the house and say good - bye to your family . " There has been a lot of change in my life since you three moved to Appaloosa Plains and it is so hard to know where to start . Soon after your move Jade found out she was pregnant . It came as a huge shock to as all for part of our arrangement was to be careful and I mean it when I say we were . We had a family meeting about it and it was decided that nothing had really changed and we would raise the baby together . Yes the three of us . There are all kinds of families out there so why not create our own unique family . As long as the baby was raised in love what makes the difference , right ? Other than being pregnant Jade is doing well with her flower shop . She is booking a lot of weddings and other formal events . Bluebell is also doing well with her job . She got a promotion at her office and she is in charge of her own department . Work for me is going about the same as when you left . I 'm getting regular articles now , but it is still hard to become something when the town you live in still talks about the past and what they believe to be the truth . Until next time family be well . Love Pax , Bluebell and Jade Dearest Family , Since my last letter my life has been turned upside down . As you know when Antoine was born the four of us lived in harmony for a short time , but I found myself spending more time with Jade and Antoine and deep inside I started to have stronger feelings for her then Bluebell but I never let that on . I couldn 't do that to Bluebell , but she was no dummy and she could see and felt the shift in our family . One morning I went to her bedroom to spend some time with her and she was gone . All her belongings has been removed and she had left a letter telling me how much she loved me but she couldn 't be a third , or in our case fourth , wheel anymore . She wished me a good life . I had tried to get a hold of her and she wouldn 't take my calls . Finally her family told me she left Riverview . It broke my heart to lose another person I loved , but I knew it was for the best . As for Jade , Antoine and I we are one happy little family . Jade and I married in a small private wedding as Antoine stood by as witness . Jade 's flower shop is doing wonderful and I finally got my own column . Riverview has pretty much forgotten about Octavia , but from time to time you will hear her mentioned . Until next time family be happy You are all really missed here in Riverview and I hope Appaloosa Plains is treating you well . Margo and I are doing well and are very happy together . Many still try to convince us we should get married , but why fix what isn 't broken . She and I are on the same page about marriage and we don 't find it necessary to be happy . Margo is content to being an at home mom to our boys Gary and Grant . Once they start school she will go back to her decorating business , and I am doing well in the medical track . Miss and Love you all Yes it is me Porter . This is me all grown up . Yeah yeah I know I still look like a punk . LOL So after I became an adult I did what everyone expected me to do . I married the woman of my dreams Firefly Tuesday . I counted my savings and booked tickets to Simvegas . I marched right over to her house and the look of shock on her face was priceless . She didn 't know what to say to my new - found age . I grabbed her hand and began to drag her to my car , it is a good thing I had made arrangements with her mom to watch the girls . Our wedding was fast and long overdue , but in our mind it was perfect . We were able to spend three days there just being with each other . No judgment and no kids and then it was back home to be with our girls and to find a place to live . When we got back to her house we found all of Oodee 's stuff packed and she handed me the deed to the farmhouse . She told us this was her wedding gift to us and she wanted us to be happy . She had already rented a little house on the edge of town and after we spent some time with her I helped her move to her new home . She has been very happy there since and she comes over all the time and we are always glad to see her . So there you go Porter Slughorn , the town screw - up , is a married man . One who is committed to his family and so happy that his life worked out . Love Porter , Firefly , Robin and Ana Ana and Robin are so grown up . They are both in ballet , but Ana also takes girl scouts . They both miss you all greatly and send their love . The Quads , Jefferson , Theresa , Jamil and Freddy are now toddlers . They keep Firefly and I very busy and we are always tired , but we wouldn 't change our life for anything . Theresa copies her big sisters when they practice their ballet and we know she will have to be enrolled soon . The boys are just rambunctious little boys always getting into things and are curious about everything . We hope this email finds you all well It was a long trip to A . P . and by the time we arrived Parley had convinced herself that Midori would forget all about her and that he would break her heart more than it was already broken so to protect herself she cut ties with him . She wouldn 't answer his emails , phone calls and other social media attempts to contact her . Only through me was he able to keep tabs on her and during our discussions you could tell he wasn 't liking how things were going . Slowly , without real friends she became distant , sarcastic , and snarky . She kept to herself most of the time she is held up in her room drawing . Luckily she was maintaining good grades in school so there was a positive . My dad has still been shut off to us . He still does his fishing for money , but he forgets to take them to the market and I have to do that for him most of the time so we can maintain our bills and buy food . I fear I may have to get a part - time job to help supplement the money he isn 't making because lately his catches have been small . I 'm not sure if it is from lack of trying or lack of fish . He does have good days , but more bad than good . As for me I spend most of my days caring for my family , making sure I do well in school and hanging out with my best friend , Cherry , who is a dog . I found Cherry about a year after we moved to A . P . She was raiding a tipped over garbage can and she was dirty and full of fleas . There was just something in her sweet eyes and I just couldn 't walk away from her . After a lot of coaxing she finally allowed me to approach her . I found a tag on her beat - up collar that had a phone number on it . I took her home , gave her some food and a bath and brushed her fluffy fur . She was so grateful that she rested her head on my knee and looked up at me with those eyes of her 's and I was in love . I almost didn 't call the number because I already couldn 't bear the thought of having to return her to her owner . I did the right thing and sometimes doing the right thing pays off . When the person on the other end picked up I was surprised by who the number belonged too . It was famous Baby Challenge Mom Becks Best . I told her I had her dog and she was so relieved . She explained that she was in the process of moving and in between packing , keeping track of her kids and the litter of puppies Cherry Tree must have got out but she was really shocked that she had made it all the way to Appaloosa Plains . She also explained that she was unable to keep the litter and had to find a new home for Cherry . When she said that I asked her how much she wanted for her because I just knew in my heart that Cherry belonged with me . Becks seemed to contemplate it for a moment and said , " I can hear in your voice that you have taken a fancy to little Miss . Cherry . She is already in your home and you were kind enough to take her in and care for her and to call me so I would like you to have her . She is my gift to you Pello Slughorn . " I was shocked and very grateful . We ended the call with an agreement that I would give her updates on Cherry 's life . So that is the life of the Slughorn 's over the past few years . Tomorrow is Parley 's thirteenth birthday . This should be oh so interesting . Let the games begin . Time moved on for the Slughorn 's . Kids went to school , participated in sports , school activities , dances and hung out with their friends . Time had been great for the Slughorn kids . Pax was doing well in school and surprisingly he managed dating two girls very well . Percy and Margo still enjoying each other companies and their relationship was strong . Porter saw his girls every weekend and he was on cloud nine , but he still couldn 't get Firefly to let him back into her life , but every moment that passed she seemed to relent and relax on a new issue . Pello and Parley were thick as thieves and were very popular in school . Although time had been great for the kids it wasn 't so kind on Kyle and Octavia . After that fateful Halloween night they started to grow apart . Sure they put on the charade and they said their " I love yous " when around friends and family which usually was followed by the cute little peck or quick hug , but many nights Octavia fell asleep alone , Kyle telling her he was busy with something or another , and many mornings she walked down the stairs to see Kyle folding up the couch blanket before the kids came barreling down . Octavia wasn 't sure why the void was there and why it was growing . She loved Kyle sure , but a big part of her didn 't miss him when he was absent in her bed or when she woke in the morning . She felt guilty for her thoughts and feelings , but she chalked it up as this is how long time married couples acted , and she was justified , in her mind , when she remembered coming down the stairs as a child and seeing her dad sleeping on the couch . Pax had received a scholarship for football at the local Riverview College and his dad , Danger , had agreed to rent and pay for a house for him to live in . The house that the two picked out was big enough for both Bluebell and Jade to move in with him . Octavia wasn 't fond of that part of Pax 's plan , but she didn 't know how she could get him to rethink it . After walking out of the school auditorium Octavia realized she left the program on her seat and she wanted to put that in Pax 's scrapbook . She told her family to wait for her and went back inside . Standing by the seat she had been sitting in , holding her program , was Danger . A scowl spread on her face and she walked to him snatching it from his hand . " What do you want ? " She growled . " I don 't think that is a good idea . You can just call me . " Her mouth said one thing but her hand snapped forward and grabbed the paper from his hand . " So you have an issue with me renting a house for Pax ? " Danger starts and poured himself a glass of champagne . He tilted it toward her and she shook her head no . " Oh that is great parenting skills Danger . I seem to recall you having a similar caviler attitude with Porter and look at where he is at . He barley is getting by in school because he has to work to help raise two daughters that he had with a much older woman out of wedlock . You really think that having this attitude with Pax is going to turn out well ? " Danger laughed and took a long drink from his flute . " Yeah I screwed up with Porter , but Pax is a whole different ballgame . You hold on too tight Octavia and you will lose your boy . " Before she knew it Danger had her against the motel wall and his lips found her exposed neck . Not having this kind of affection for so long mixed with her attraction to Danger led her to snaking her arms around his neck and pulled him closer . His lips find hers and she moans into his . He slid his hand up her thigh and under her skirt . His hand found the flimsy material of her panties and he tugged and that is when Octavia pushed him away . A burst of energy coursed through her and she pushed him off her . Buttoning her shirt she stands up . " I can 't do this . It isn 't right . " But the following Thursday Octavia found herself standing in front of the sleazy motel looking at the numbers on the door , 69 . How appropriate for her visit there . She had told Kyle and the kids that she had joined a woman 's bowling league and that every Thursday she would be going out after dinner and coming home late . Seeing him laying on the bed in just his boxers she tried to turn around and leave , but his reflexes were fast and he grabbed her and once again threw her on the bed . " I 'm not letting you get away this time Octavia . I need you . " For six days a week she acted like Octavia Slughorn mother of five and wife to Kyle Slughorn , the nicest and most sought out man in town . Everyone who knew her envied her and wanted to be in her shoes , if only they knew she was living a lie . Then one night a week she acted like Octavia Slughorn mistress to Danger Zone . It was the one night a week she felt herself and happy . As she drove home , slowly , she saw there was a physic reading taking place at the park . She decided to go and check it out . She needed time to figure out why to say to Kyle anyway . " Child . " She said in her heavy Cajun accent , " He isn 't going to leave you . He loves his wife , but he craves for more then what he is allowed . " How did this woman know ? Octavia was taken back with the fact that this woman knew about her affair . She hadn 't really believed in this stuff . She just sat there and stared there starring at the woman . At that moment two things happened to Octavia . First she got angry with Madame Currie and her mumbo jumbo and threw the doll back at her . Next she turned on her heel and ran toward her car . She knew that her life was with Kyle and she had to get home and tell him the truth and tell him that she loved him and only him . Danger was just something she couldn 't have and that made her want him as if she were a child . She just prayed that he could forgive her and they could restart their life together . As Firefuly 's belly grew Porter and Octavia began to get more and more divided . Octavia forbid him to see her and he wanted nothing more than to see her . However he was still a minor so seeing Firefly was hard and it happened less and less as time went on . Then one day Parley and Pello came home from school and Pello was complaining about his stomach and head . Kyle swooped him up into this manly arms and the poor kid was burning up with fever . Leaning in with worry Octavia asked if he wanted some soup in bed . Pello gave her a weak nod and Kyle carried him upstairs and Octavia went into the kitchen . The whole time Octavia couldn 't help but wonder and worry that this was the doing of that Jennifer she met in a dream once . She even took up muttering the name asking her to make Pello okay . This was something the Slughorn 's had never experienced before and hoped to never experience again . " Don 't look at me like that young man . Until she requests a pertertity test and that says you are the father then and only then will you be able to see her or that baby . Now march your butt back upstairs . " Octavia ? Well you have not one but two daughters . Ana and Robin and they are beautiful . I would never keep you from them , but just know I have conceded … . Octavia wins . I love you and I miss you … . . I shouldn 't have said that . Bye . That night Kyle and Octavia also got into a fight . He knew how he felt about his own Pello and Parley and he loved the other boys as his own . He was on Porter 's side and thought that Octavia was being unreasonable . And as all good fights do it ended in passion . The feel of Octavia 's flesh on his excited Kyle . Since they had found out Porter got Firefly pregnant Octavia hadn 't allowed him to make love to her , but like so many times before as their passion grew Octavia pulled away and the two sunk into their frequent habit of going to bed angry at each other . Ana . He just could not stay away from them . He could not allow his father , the man he was cloned after , to be right about his character . After the first day he saw these two he was hooked and his girls had him wrapped around their little fingers . Despite having to be sneaky and having to lie about where he was going he was happy that he was in his girl 's lives . The only thing that wasn 't working in his favor was Firefly kept him away . When he was there she would go into another room or leave the house just to stay away from him . She barely even spoke to him . Then before everyone knew it Halloween was upon them and costume planning was in full effect . Octavia had the great idea that she and Parley would have mother daughter bonding at the costume shop . They had a great time trying on different outfits . " Um … . " she bit her bottom lip and looked down at her clothes . " I am suppose to be a taunting librarian . You really didn 't give me a lot of time to get a great costume . " She pouted . As the night wound down they went up to the balcony level to get a break from the crowd . They sat together on the couch and as Margo snuggled close to him a huge smile spread on Percy 's face . He was falling for her and he was falling fast . She parted her lips and moved into him . Percy Slughorn shared his first kiss with the beautiful Margo Strickland in a public place and he almost got to second base as his hand crept farther and farther up her leg , but as their making out got heated it was discovered that Margo had some weird " make - out " sounds and the employee working at the arcade that night came up and asked them to leave . He told them that it was inappropriate to conduct themselves in such a manner . They walked home together that night , two blissful teenagers with grins on their faces . " Oh God this is so wrong . " Firefly moans pulling him closer . " But not here the girls will hear us . " Taking his hand she leads him down the stairs and to the couch . " No , " She pushed him up . " I can 't do this . I can 't keep doing this . You are wrong for me Porter . " " Firefly Tuesday I will be eighteen soon and then things will be very different . Just you wait and see . I will be over next week to see the girls . " With that he pushes her back and walks out the door . Pax had a party to attend . He was a very popular kid and the teens of town decided to have a Halloween party at the local park . Everyone who was everyone was at the party and Pax enjoyed mingling it up . " Come dance with me ! " Jade ordered as she pulled Pax closer to the stereo . The two grooved to a very famous Halloween song , laughing the whole time . " I need to take a break and get something to drink . " Pax leaned in and told his dance partner . Jade nodded her head and Pax took off to the juice bar . Not knowing that someone spiked the juice Pax grabbed a glass and downed it in one gulp . " Damn that was good . " Still thirsty he drank another one just as quickly . " Keep your grubby hands off my man . " Bluebell had finally given some attention to Pax and when she saw what was going on her evil side took control and she sprinted to the scene . Keeping a tight hold on the girls blue hair she pulled her farther and farther from Pax . " Come on , come on let me take your picture . " Octavia instructs Parley and Pello to get together . They were getting ready to head out trick or treating but first Octavia wanted pictures . The two animated children did many silly poses for their mother and had a great time posing in their costumes . " You two are silly . " Octavia said as she browsed the pictures on her digital camera . " Now before you go who is going to recite the rules for me ? " Both kids sighed but Parley accommodated . " Stick together . Don 't eat any of the candy before you and dad can look at it and we must be back by 8pm . " The man 's tone and anger surprised and even frightend the children . Standing before them was a honest to God Berry Sims . They had only heard about them , but had never met one . Sure they had regurlar blue , red , and green sims , but not Berries . A boy , around Parley 's age , ran out of the house . " Stop . I am so sorry about my dad . " He was so excited to see the kids that he even pumped his arm in the air in victory . " He doesn 't like children much . We are the Sour 's . I 'm Midori and my dad 's name is Cranberry . " Calming down Pello took the lead . " No problem . He just took us by surprise is all . So you two are real life Berry Sims , huh ? " " My dad hasn 't enrolled me yet . He isn 't use to the parenting thing yet . I was raised by my mom until six months ago when she passed . There was no one else to take me and even though he hates children he did the right thing I guess . " It is what it is . " Midori looked over at Parley who hasn 't said a word the whole time . She was still pretty shaken up by Cranberry 's outburst . " Can you talk pretty girl . " He pushed up his mask thinking that was what was scaring her from talking to him . Parley had a temper and she stuck her jaw out . She didn 't like the way he said pretty girl to her . " Of course I can talk . I just have standards on who I talk to . " She crossed her arms in front of her chest . " I wouldn 't be friends with you if you were the last boy on earth . Come on Pello we have to be going if we are going to make it home by cerfew . " The two began to walk toward the road . To the dance floor where Octavia couldn 't take her eyes off him . Watching his rippling muscles , dressed in very tight black leather , retract as he moved made her face flush red with desire . Kyle could see every look and every vibe between the two of them and he was not liking it one bit . " Danger please . Let me pass . " But when he placed his lips to hers she can 't help herself and snakes her arms around his neck and melted into him . There kissing was hot and passionate and it was making Octavia 's whole body tingle . Then without warning Danger pulled away and leaned his forehead to hers . " Go home with your husband tonight Octavia just remember you are mine and you have always been mine . Soon I will have you again . " " No you listen to me . You are mine . Now go home . " Danger pushed himself off the wall and walked away leaving Octavia feeling an array of emotions from lust , to guilt to anger . Octavia and Kyle 's ride home was quite . Octavia was trying to figure out what happened and Kyle was just stewing about Danger ruining their good time . When hey arrived home they checked on the children and headed to their room . Octavia went into their bathroom and washed off her make - up and slipped out of her costume . Her body was still on fire and the thought of Danger 's intoxicating scent was on her mind . She decided the best way to make these feelings go away was to make love to her husband . The man she loved , the man she had chosen to spend her life with . She came up behind him and incited him by whispering lowly into his ear . " Make love to me . " She could barley get the words out she was filled with so much desire . " Gladly . " He said as he spun her around and led her to the bed . He was glad that she hadn 't forgotten that tonight was about trying to find one another again . It didn 't take them long to be void of all clothing and finding pleasure with each other . Kyle couldn 't help but think about how different it was . How crazy , wild , passionate and even a little kinky it was . Perhaps the long time span since the last time made it this good , maybe it was the dark holiday that drove her wild , but whatever it was it was hot . As he hit her sweet spot he had to watch her expression . Seeing her tuck her lip under her teeth and squeeze her eyes shut drove him to his own euphoria . Their room filled with loud sounds of pleasure and just before Kyle laid his head on her shoulder motionless trying to hold back his tears of disappointment , Octavia made her drive for being so free with her sexuality know by digging her nails in Kyle 's back and screaming Danger 's name . The sun is bright almost too bright for this time of the morning . Octavia shielded her eyes with her hand so she is able to see the park in front of her better . She isn 't sure where she is nor how she got there , but the site in front of her is peaceful and calming . She looked down and realized that she was dressed in an elegant dress in white and gold hues . She didn 't understand where she was and if it was a dream why would she be dressed like this in a park without her family ? She continued to move into the park but stopped when she came across a young lady sitting on a park bench . The woman wasn 't overly pretty but her features were kind and welcoming . Octavia thought it strange that she too wore a garment in the same colors as her dress , but convinced herself it was a dream . She was about to ask the woman where they were but was surprised when the woman greeted her by her name . The woman on the bench laughed , stood up and brushed her dress off . " I know who you are because I created you Octavia . " The statement took Octavia back and she didn 't know what to say . She just looked at the woman giving her a " you 're crazy " with her eyes . " I know this is a shock to you Octavia but it is true . My name is Jennifer and I created you , Kyle , Danger , Misty and several others in your town . " " Lady , you 're crazy . " Octavia backs up and Jennifer grabbed her arm . " You live in Riverview . Your husband is Kyle and you and he share one pretty little girl Parley . Your ex - lover , if you want to call him that , is the handsome Danger Zone and the two of your share two boys ; Pax and Percy . Also in your house hold you have two clones Pello and Porter and you have selected the cute loveable little Pello as your heir . Am I right ? " Octavia swallowed loudly and sunk into the nearby bench . " How did you know that ? Most of it you could have found out from the paparazzi , but Kyle and I haven 't shared with anyone who we have chosen as heir . " " I told you Octavia I created you . Even though you have free will I have made about 85 % of what has happened to you happen . I am even tempted to have you and Danger have an affair … . I miss that stud muffin . " Jennifer pushes her glasses up . " I know you do , but Danger is … well that isn 't what I brought you here to talk about . " " Where is here ? " Octavia asked in a hushed tone . " This is a new world called Hidden Springs . One of your decedents will eventually move her . " The way the woman talked made Octavia very nervous . She was still having trouble believing that she was created and that she was meeting her maker . She gulped and faced the woman . " So . . Um … ah . . why did you bring me here ? " Jennifer guided Octavia to the bridge where they took a seat . Seeing Octavia so nervous made Jennifer giggle as she remembered that Octavia was a coward at heart . As the water moved beneath them Jennifer took Octavia 's hand . " I brought you here to meet you , for us to talk , for us to get to know one another . " " From the sounds of it you know me pretty well . " Octavia tried to clear the frog from her throat and removed her hand from Jennifer 's . " Just in case you have any questions and to also tell you that I will be visiting every generation of the Slughorn 's . So it is up to you if you want to pass the knowledge of me down or not . I already have a fun adventure planned for Pello and I . " Octavia tried her best to hide how nervous she was , but Jennifer could see right through her and so she decided that a little Q & A would make sense . " Speaking of Pello , why did I choose him as heir ? I really felt and still do , that Porter could have had a chance to redeem himself as heir . " " Funny you should ask that Octavia . You have readers out there and … . " " I write your story for people to read , " Jennifer smiled at Octavia 's shocked expression . " And I head a poll to see who the readers wanted as you 're heir and Pello was chosen . I too was hoping for Porter , but then I realized that with either of them your genetics won 't be passed down and for that I am sorry , but it will be okay because going forward if the Slughorn 's have a clone in their home they will not be part of the choice for heir . " " You mean to tell me that not only have you put me and my family through the ringer you have also let others decided my fate ? " Octavia 's voice oozed with anger . In a blink of an eye the two of them were sitting by a tree surrounded by bubbles . " What ? ! ? How ? ! ? " Octavia stammered . Octavia placed her chin in her fist trying to take in everything as Jennifer stretched out on the soft grass . " I want you to know Octavia that your family is going to go through a lot , some wonderful times and some not so wonderful times . Some of you will live to a ripe old age and others go before their time . There will be affairs , betrayal , murder and love children , but there will also be fun times , true love , children , and times that don 't want to be forgotten . Among all this I will be here . I will be here for you , for Pello and all the other Slughorn 's that come after him . All you need to do if you need me is shout . " Octavia didn 't reply she just sat there . The two sat there for a long time not saying a word . As the sun sank and the trees shook their leaves in a protective manor upon them Jennifer stood up . " I have told you what I wanted to tell you now I must go . You can take your time going back to your life , but don 't take too much time . Pello and Parley 's Halloween costumes need to be done and the kids need help with their bake sale at school . " With that Jennifer faded slowly away . One morning Octavia woke with clarity on who she wanted to ask to be heir of the Slughorn name . She got the kids off to school and found Kyle having a rare moment in front of the television . She leaned over him , kissed his forehead and told him that she wanted to talk . Kyle gave her a sarcastic look . " I know who he is , but are you sure ? Babe , he isn 't blood related which means none of your genetics will get passed down . " " I have thought of that , but I still think Pello is who I want . This is why . Pax my dear sweet boy Pax , he would be a great choice as heir , but I feel he already has his own agenda with the Red gal . She is super sweet and I want them to figure out what their future holds and he doesn 't need the weight of being my heir mixed with that . Then we have Percy , my loner of a boy . He too would make a great heir , but his loner trait would close him off from living the life and heir should live . Next comes Porter , yes he is Danger 's clone , but I love him just as if he is my own child . Many would argue that he would make the best heir because he already has children on the way , and believe me I was very close to choosing him , but he is about to be a teenage father and he needs to figure all that out and not have this extra commitment . That leaves our little Pello . " " I think you know me better than that Kyle . " She crossed her arms over her chest , " I am choosing him because he is the best choice . He is a sweet , loveable , friendly outdoorsy kid . He enjoying meeting people , learning new things , help around the house and with his sister and he is just enjoyable to be around . I , just as I do Porter , love him as if I was his mother and he would make me proud being the heir . It doesn 't matter that he doesn 't share my genetics . I have helped raise him and there is still a lot of raising to do . I have passed down to him my morals , values and the importance of truth and respect to others . Yes he will make a great heir for me . Also I have heard rumors that there are big changes coming to our world and I think he would be best equipped to deal with them . " Pierson Baby ChallengeDrowning In ColorA Berry Sweet Famacybuttonsginger . wordpress . com / Taking ChancesBlaine Hawkins ' 100 Wee - OnesSims 3 100 Baby ChallengeRises In The EastA LegacyThe Journey LegacyA Random Legacy Challenge in the Sims 3 that will span 10 generations . differenta backwards rainbowcy . . . toomuchcolor . wordpress . com / Too Much Color , Too Little TimeLook After You " I 'm an angel ( bored like hell ) and you 're a devil ( meaning well ) . Bare your fangs and burn my wings ; I hear bullets singin ' . " Lilly in the WindI 've walked the longest road , so don 't fail me now feet , don 't fail me now . Fire & IceMeet the McCray family . . . BoundThere is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable . ~ Mark TwainA Woeful Lotus " Immortality isn 't punishment enough for what I have done . 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Josef pulled the Ferrari to a stop and cut the lights and the ignition . He was about a block from the cleaners headquarters and he waited while Ryan and Mike pulled up behind him . He saw a Bentley parked to the right and knew that it was Miguel . As he got out of the car to speak with Miguel he noticed that he had also brought backup with him . Good thing , Josef thought because Katrina wouldn 't go down without a fight . A big one he anticipated and hoped that Miguel and his men were armed with the right ammunition . Moving almost silently across the asphalt Josef , Mike and Ryan headed over to the shadows to join Miguel . Josef had heard from Colleen a few minutes before who had told him that Katrina was in her office working . Even though this would be the last night that Colleen worked with the cleaners Josef had told her to make herself scarce while all this was going down ; he didn 't want anyone in the group that was loyal to Katrina to figure out that Colleen was working with him . " Are we ready ? " Miguel asked . Even though his voice was hushed it sounded loud in the quiet night . " Yes . Colleen says she 's in her office and that the night has been quiet so far . Let 's get this over with . Oh , and by the way ? Subdue her anyway you like or need to but then she 's mine . Does everyone understand that ? " Everyone nodded , including Miguel who raised his eyebrows at Josef 's vehement words . They didn 't surprise him a bit ; Josef took care of his own . That was one of the things that Miguel admired most about the vampire named Josef Kostan . " Let 's go then . Inside the building , only Miguel and I will enter Katrina 's office ; the rest of you hang back out of sight . She 'll scent you , can 't help that but better she doesn 't see you too . " With those abrupt words Josef headed down the street , staying in the shadows and walking with determination . Once they reached the door , they moved fast , hands on weapons as they made a beeline for Katrina 's office . Miguel and Josef entered without knocking on the door causing Katrina to look up with irritation until she saw who her guests were . The irritation shifted into caution as she sat up straighter in her chair , trying to seem unconcerned . Josef could scent the truth though ; she was just this side of panic at the sight of them . " Katrina , " Josef said , stepping a bit closer . " We have some business to attend to . " Katrina stood up and inhaled , smelling several others outside her door . She wasn 't sure what was going on but it didn 't bode well for her she knew . Katrina had been the head of the LA cleaners for over 30 years ; she not only knew where the bodies were buried - she 'd put them there . This job had been lucrative for her ; lots of vamps liked to pay for anonymity and she 'd taken full advantage of that , keeping much of that business off the books . Several million dollars worth at last count and were bank accounts in the Cayman Islands . Only a few of her most trusted employees knew the truth and shared in the spoils of the business . She sighed inwardly , knowing that the time had come ; Kostan had finally caught on to it all but it was okay , she wasn 't without a backup plan . She stood up and let her foot run under the edge of the desk , seeking and finding a small button hidden carefully away . Her toe touched it lightly and she was rewarded by the almost imperceptible ' click ' that meant freedom . Josef 's ears perked up at the sound but he couldn 't tell where it had come from . Could have been anything he realized but he took another step towards her , leaning over the desk until his face was only inches from Katrina 's . " Don 't try anything foolish Katrina . Do you know why we 're here ? " " No idea at all Josef , " she said coolly , still meeting his gaze . " Why don 't you tell me so we can all know what this is about ? " " Playing games Katrina ? Okay , I 'll play . Last night a ghost appeared and attacked Beth St . John . The good thing is , she really IS dead this time . But I 'm curious whose ashes you showed me before ? Could they have been Billie 's ? " Kelly ! Damn the bitch ! She just couldn 't stay away from St . John . I should have known better than to let her live . Keeping her face as straight as possible Katrina said , " She escaped that night Josef ; I - I was afraid so I killed Billie . I didn 't know what to do because I knew you 'd be so angry . " She could only hope that Kostan would buy it and feel a bit of pity for her predicament . At his look of anger she could tell it hadn 't worked . She backed up a bit from him , only partially faking the look of fear on her face . He was out for blood do Josef , I know , " she said , inching backwards towards a floor to ceiling bookshelf that lined the wall behind her desk . " You 'll pay for that fuck up with your life Katrina , " Miguel said softly . He pulled a gun out , loaded with silver bullets and took aim . " Come around the desk now and I won 't shoot . Let Josef handle this for you because you really don 't want to feel the burn of the silver . " " As opposed to the burn of the flames ? " she said , her voice tight and high as she started to feel the steely cold fingers of fear for the first time . She needed to get out now and leaned back against the shelves behind her . Josef scented the fear rolling off of her but there was also the scent of satisfaction and he didn 't understand that at all . Josef yelled , jumping over the desk and pushing at the shelf with no luck . From the other side of it he head a distinct thud as it was barricaded and then footsteps running away . " Outside now , she has to come out of there somewhere . Find her ! " Mike , Ryan and Miguel 's two men took off towards the outside door in search of Katrina . Miguel Miguel , I heard it . But I also heard a click when she stood up , there 's some type of mechanism here , " he said as he started feeling along the desk and floor . " It has to be here somewhere . " Wendy , one of the newer cleaners knocked on the doorway as she had heard what happened . " I think there is a catch or button under the bottom of the desk . I 've seen them use it before , but they didn 't know that I knew . " Josef 's head snapped up at her words ; she was young , in human and vamp years alike and how the hell she had ended up here , with this nest of vipers was beyond him . Maybe her youth was only a ploy and behind that innocence beat the heart of a devil . Who knew ? " Who are you if you knew that why didn 't you report that information before ? " He stood directly in front of him and noticed that she met his eyes without flinching . " I 'm Wendy , I 've only been here a few months . I saw her use it , taking some books in there . I don 't know if it 's a room or what . I was trying to find out more information before I reported it Mr . Kostan because it could have been nothing , you know ? " Josef watched her and decided she was telling the truth . " Show me how to get in there Wendy . " She walked around the desk and started moving nimble fingers around the bottom of the desk and finally found what she was seeking . They all heard a click this time and Josef pushed on the shelf and it gave way . All three of them stepped into the inky blackness of the room on the other side . Josef searched for a light switch and finally found what he was looking for . The lights came up , making all of them blink at the brightness . The small room held a safe and a small desk and chair . A tunnel led out of the room on the other side and Josef headed towards it . After about twenty feet he found that the tunnel split three ways and he couldn 't pick up a scent as to which way she went . Damn , he needed Mick and his ability to read a scene . He walked back into the main room hoping that the boys had better luck outside . In there are at least three other tunnels leading out of here and I couldn 't tell which one she took . Can you get into the safe ? She certainly didn 't have time to open it and I have to wonder what 's in there . " " Couldn 't get in , but I know someone who can . " Miguel picked up his phone and quickly dialed a number , speaking in rapid Spanish to someone on the other end . He closed it shut with a snap and grinned . " Benito is coming over , he has a gift , you might say , " he told I mean . If anyone knows anything it would be them . I 'm so sorry Mr . Kostan , I 've never worked as a cleaner before and I didn 't really realize that anything was wrong with their behavior , for all I knew it is always like this . " She stared at him with huge blue eyes that reminded him of Beth and he felt his heart soften a bit . " Wendy , as long as you 're telling the truth you 'll be fine . Do you happen to know where I might find the other three ? " " There 's a duty roster on the computer out there , " she said indicating the on duty room with a nod of her head . " It should say where they are if they are working . " Josef nodded and headed to the computer terminal ; it seems there was more work to do this evening than he had planned . OOOOOOOOOOOO Sunday and gone to see Robbi and strangely enough , that was the hardest task of all . Robbi was somewhat cold to her and didn 't feel like talking at all . Lani put it down to pregnancy fatigue but in her heart she knew better ; Robbi was hurt and there wasn 't anything that Lani could do to help . Instead she tried to be bright and cheerful and keep the conversation going but it was like talking to a wall and Robbi gave no response to anything she said , even though Lani studiously avoided the subject of Beth . Bri wasn 't even there to provide another focus because Kevin had taken her with him to go out to the Institute to work for a while . After an hour of trying to make conversation she gave up and got ready to leave . " I had better get going Robbi ; I 've still got to stop at the store on my way home . Can I get you anything before I leave ? " she asked hopefully . It hurt her to see Robbi like this and she felt more than a little guilty because she knew that it had to do with Beth not being here . Robbi suspected something and since Lani wasn 't talking Robbi just decided not to talk either . " You could tell me the truth about what 's going on with Beth , " Robbi said , staring Lani in the eyes . Lani made her hurt for Robbi , to be excluded like this . " I can 't Robbi ; it 's not my story to tell . If I could tell you I would . It 's not something that is easily shared and Beth and Mick have to be the ones to tell you . Please accept that , " she said , feeling the burning sting of tears as she tried to blink them away . " Oh my God , something is wrong with her isn 't it ? " Robbi said , suddenly scared for her friend . " Lani , please tell me ! I can 't stand this silence from everyone . I talked to Dorothy and she said everything was fine but I don 't believe any of you ! " " Robbi , what I can tell you is that she really IS okay . But she can 't come home for a - awhile anyway . And it 's not the kind of thing you talk about on the phone . You weren 't purposely excluded Robbi , honestly you weren 't . You just have to accept that she loves you and when she can talk about it she will . And until then I can 't say anything more . Please Robbi , please accept that . " " Just leave Lani , okay ? I can 't deal with this right now . I 'll call you , I promise , " Robbi said , wiping away tears . Damn she hated this ; she seemed to cry constantly and she was tired of it . Lani left - there was nothing else to do . She finished her errands and headed home . As she carried the groceries up she realized she was hungry and looked over the offerings she 'd brought home . Nothing looked good at all so she called in an order for sushi all the while laughing at herself about the hundred buck 's worth of groceries that she didn 't want to eat . She climbed into the shower , replaying the conversation she 'd had with Robbi . When Beth called this evening she had to let her know how bad this was . It could affect Robbi 's pregnancy , all this pain and stress . She was genuinely worried about Robbi and hated the position she was in . She supposed that she could have lied to her and said everything was fine but Robbi knew better than rolled her eyes and said , " What Josef ? What do you want ; I 've had a rough day and I 'm waiting for my dinner to be delivered . " A serious look flashed across his face for a moment and chewed his lower lip for a moment . " I kind of know that feeling ; things didn 't go so well with Katrina last night . " Alarm spread rapidly though Lani and she stepped aside , bidding him to enter . " What happened Josef ? " she asked , already pouring him a glass of scotch . She pointed to the sofa and handed him the glass which he gladly took . He took a sip of the drink and was tempted to down it all at once ; instead he held it up to the waning afternoon light and watched the dappled sunlight glinting through the amber colored liquid . A couple of unnecessary breaths later the cleaners themselves . It 's a profit sharing independent organization . They all work and share the profits equally , except for the leader or head cleaner that gets 10 % above the others . In this case 10 % with three of the other cleaners who were in on it with her . We got their names and called them in . Fools all , they had assumed that if Katrina ever got caught she 'd give them a heads up , but she didn 't . She had almost 3 million dollars socked away in an offshore bank account . Thanks to Logan , that money is all gone now . " " Wow , that 's a lot of money . So what happens now ? " she asked . " The other three were executed and two others were fired because we suspect that they had an idea what was going on . So , we 're down a half dozen cleaners in LA right now and that 's not so good . Colleen is going to work for me but will stay with the cleaners for a few days until we can get a few hired on . And we have a new lead cleaner coming in with no connections to cleaners anywhere . He 'll be here tomorrow . " He tipped the glass up and swallowed the last of the scotch and felt the burn as it slipped down his throat . " You really did have a rough day or night I guess . Mine can 't really top that but I did have a very uncomfortable conversation with Robbi . She knows that Beth lied to her and she knows that I have answers . I assured her that Beth is okay , but one was a secret for all . Now she 's left out and I can 't make it better for her . " She was interrupted by the door bell and stood up saying , " Now , that is surely my dinner . I 'll be right back . " Josef thought about what she 'd said , about Robbi and felt helpless as well . It wasn 't his place to tell Robbi and Kevin , just as it wasn 't Lani 's . This was where difficult , dangerous and complicated got a foothold and dug in . Every single vamp out there he knew had had to walk away from someone they cared about when they were turned and that may have to happen here . It was just so much more complicated in this case because of the connections the girls had . How do you brush aside 20 odd years of friendship with one of them and stay with the other ? Josef caught a familiar scent and for a moment he smiled at the memory it stirred . Lani carried her dinner into the kitchen and Josef followed , leaning lazily against the doorway as Lani transferred her dinner to a plate . She sat it down on the bar counter and grabbed the bottle of Fuki and two glasses and set them down as well before taking a seat . She opened the wine and held a glass up to Josef who nodded with a smile . " Sushi ! Man , that brings back a memory , " he said as he watched her smear some green wasabi on a piece of tuna temaki and dip it in soy sauce . Lani quirked one eyebrow up in question as she chewed the bite of sushi . After she swallowed and took a sip of the wine she asked , " Why ? Surely they didn 't have sushi before you were turned ! " " Um yes but we called it bait , " he said with a laugh . " When Mick was human he set out to try as many human foods as possible , especially ones that he had seen Beth eat or heard her talk about , sushi being one of them . I just happened to be lucky enough to see it . " He started laughing in earnest then , remembering Mick 's reaction to the wasabi . " And … ? " " He put a huge piece of the wasabi on the bite and popped it into his mouth . That was right before his head exploded , well figuratively anyway . He dumped the whole load of it into the trash and said it was ' fucking dangerous to eat nowadays ' . See , he 'd sort of had a bad experience with Kung Pao Chicken , extra spicy as well . I think he stuck with steak and burgers the rest of his human time . " Lani had taken a sip of the Fuki and choked on it when she started laughing so hard . Almost no one could take the extra spicy stuff like Beth did . As she dabbed wine off her face she started giggling again , imagining poor Mick and the ' dangerous ' food . " I guess food probably has changed some since 1950 . " She took another drink of the wine which thankfully went down okay and asked , " Why do we always end up talking about food ? " " Um , because you 're always eating ? Seriously , for such a tiny girl you really do eat a lot ! " She laughed and threw her napkin at him and then answered , " I guess that 's because about the only time I got to eat when I was young was at Beth 's house . My parents weren 't around much and the housekeeper didn 't think it was her job to make sure the kid was fed . " Josef stared at the golden wine in his glass as he contemplated her words . " So , you 're parents weren 't around much ? " " Not if there was any type of social event somewhere . My parents are true socialites and thrill to being invited to every event they can get to . They may hate one another and I 'm sure they do , but just let someone hold up a camera in front of them and they are like two teenagers in love . Yes , Marcus and Eloise Parker are quite the thing . " " Your father is Marcus Parker ? Sponsor of Bright Beginnings ? " Josef was amazed ; he 'd met her mother and father many times at business gatherings Josef had donated several million to the foundation over the years . " I 'll be damned . " " So , you 've heard of them then ? Not surprised at all . They revel in hanging with the rich and famous . Just not their and Beth ; I love them both so much and Robbi was a part of that as well . They were all my foster family when Mom and Dad were AWOL . " " Is that all the family you have ? Brothers or sisters ? " he asked , curious . " Nope , tastes . He gives me the creeps actually . My mom has a brother who lives in New York , my uncle Paul . He 's married to my aunt Pat and they have 3 girls . I used to take vacations with them in the summers sometimes ; I always enjoyed that . " The pieces of the puzzle were beginning to fall in to place . This explained so much about Lani ; her independent nature and the need to hold herself back with people . Other than Beth , Robbi and Dorothy that is because she grew up feeling loved by them . She didn 't want to get close to anyone because it meant she might be rejected . Another thought occurred to him - she said her parents fought violently . Did that violence include her ? He couldn 't ask because it would upset her but he was going to do a bit of investigating on his own . This also made him think about the situation with Robbi ; this wasn 't just keeping information from anyone , this was from family and while there wasn 't anything they could do about it right now he understood the hurt that all three girls must be feeling . He needed to talk to Mick about it all , without the girls around . OOOOOOOOOOOO Logan pulled into Audrey 's driveway and cut the engine in the car . He had a bag of some clothes and blood with him but he 'd been thinking about this situation all evening . He 'd went home to catch some freezer time and to feed and check messages but he was back now and intended to stay the night again . They needed to talk about the living arrangements . They might not have been together all that long yet but he knew that she was his mate , he knew it deep down inside and they needed to figure all this out . Her place wasn 't big enough , but his was a wreck . That could be remedied though and he hoped she 'd be willing to try . He hoped with all his heart because he knew he didn 't want to be apart from her every again . OOOOOOOOOOOO Ben looked through the file yet again , searching for a clue about Mick St . John . How did Mick St . John , born in 1922 relate to the current Mick St . John ? They looked identical , mirror images of one another and had to be related , but after months of investigation he still couldn 't find a connection . He was missing something , somewhere , he had to be . When St . John married Coraline Duvall in 1952 he disappeared , was probably dead because their hotel room was covered with blood . They got some fingerprints but DNA evidence didn 't exist then , so there was no blood or other types of evidence in storage . But if he died then , could he have had another child that was unknown before then ? He leaned back in the chair and tapped the pencil he was holding on the desktop . He 'd hired a private investigator in France to check out the Duvall family and got little information . The branch of the family that lived in the Duvall chateau claimed that they didn 't know anything about Coraline and Mick , whether they were dead or alive . The investigator thought that they knew more than they were telling but felt positive that they weren 't going to talk about it . So , he was checking out the Duvall family in hopes that something would turn up . He also hoped that he might get an unhappy servant to talk as well . He needed answers and there was only one person who might still hold a few . He headed off to see Margie , with the hope that she 'd remembered something since the last time he had seen her . To be continued … |
I am excited . I finally finished my book MULTIPLE : A Christians Battle with Insanity . I have battled against the confusion , anxiety and despair of D . I . D . for most of my life , but now it is a battle against lack of confidence as a writer and just plain procrastination . Once I thought the book was in its final form , I started looking for a pubisher . It took a while , but eventually I found BookLogix . They are wonderful people who really care about authors and how hard it is to edit and publish . I think we went through four more edits ( or maybe five ) and finally I agreed with them that it was as good enough to go ahead with printing . It 's a difficult process , because I don 't want to make any mistakes . I feel like my readers will laugh at me if I have a mistake in my grammar or spelling . I also feel like my eighth grade teachers will come after me with a large Latin book aimed at my head . But I don 't think they 'll do it soon , because its taking more time to print and put on Amazon then I anticipated . If only decorating the tree was as easy as this simple painting . The first thing I do is assemble my large imitation tree . I help my husband as he places the color - coded branches in their respective spaces on the pole , which eventually becomes an evergreen - shaped plastic object . Once the branches are in place , I go around the tree spreading out the small boughs like lettuce leaves , so they are available to hang ornaments . Next I go for the lights ! This year I am using the larger colored bulbs for a more old - fashioned look . As I struggle unwinding the cords , my husband says : No , because I am OCD . ( Doctors say this means Obsessive - Compulsive Disorder , but I say it means Overly Concerned Dunce ) . I can 't accept help because I need to have all the lights spaced evenly around the tree with no two lights of the same color next to each other . No one else seems to have the patience or concern to do that . And if they do , they always make a mistake and I have to do it over . And if you are a mental health practitioner , yes I am in therapy ! Unfortunately , I am that way with the ornaments too , so the next day I drag out the old foot - locker that has held our Christmas decorations for the last 20 years . It is always fun to open it , because years ago I glued a giant picture of Santa 's face on the inside , and he greets me with a big smile . I can 't help it . I always smile back and giggle . I begin routing around for ornaments , pulling out the larger glass balls first , then the medium and small . I put them on the tree carefully , according to color , spacing and size until I am satisfied that it looks perfect . Then I add the special ones , including angels of different sizes , a snowman , a glass elephant and a Madonna and child ornament . At last the tree is beginning to look done . I fall exhausted onto the sofa , while my husband tries to revive me , patting me softly and saying " it looks beautiful . " But I don 't hear him , I 'm asleep . Unfortunately , if you are the hostess , one by one these ideal fantasies disappear as the actual day approaches , and the reality of bringing this feast into fruition begins to weigh on your mind . The first bubble pops when you enter the grocery store to purchase the last few items you 've forgotten . Suddenly the list seems very long and you begin to feel like a blind sardine pushing a half ton truck through a crowded stream . When you get to the checkout , the second bubble pops when you faint as the checkout girl tells you the bill is over $ 100 . A kind older man who is not fixing thanksgiving dinner helps you to your feet so you can put the groceries on your credit card . As you leave the store you notice other shoppers who are audibly crying in the check out aisles . Suddenly you are back on your feet beginning your preparation for two pies . Now the remaining bubbles are popping simultaneously , as you realize you will be spending the entire day tomorrow baking the turkey and making the stuffing , mashed potatoes , gravy , rolls , green bean casserole , and cranberry sauce . What in the world are you going to do ? As a hippie at 30 years of age , I hitchhiked for months carrying only a backpack . I went with two young men and we hitched from LA up the West coast to Vancouver , and crossed over into Newfoundland , a trip of more than 4 , 000 miles . I did it without a purse . How is it that as an older woman , I can 't go anywhere without my huge purse ? It measures 15 " W X 9 " D X 5 " H and weighs 4 - 5 pounds ? At what point in life did I decide to carry a purse ? I know the answer to that . I was 31 and I got a job . In other words , I went straight . Believe me , it 's not the money that makes it heavy . It 's everything else that has found its way into my handbag . Apparently as I got older I needed more stuff , and I have inadvertently become a victim of heavy purse syndrome . By the way , punching a whole in the bottom doesn 't work . Even though the weight of the purse hurts my arm and my back , as soon as I take the smallest thing out , I need it within the first hour of leaving the house . I know I 'm complaining , but I don 't know what else to do but tell the world about my heavy purse dilemma . Maybe someone has a solution . I know African women carry things on their heads . Has anyone else tried that ? The worst part of it is that the older I get , the more stuff I need with me to stay reasonably alive until I return home . Of course I need to carry my cell phone , my keys and my wallet , and I 'm just not comfortable without my hand lotion , a nail file , and lip balm . I mean they are necessities . Call it stuff ad infinitum ( stuff that multiplies infinitely ) . And now for the final admission of guilt . I am continually thirsty and I usually carry a bottle of Aquafina in my purse ! All I need now is a sandwich , and … but hey , I have to draw the line somewhere ! The joy of warm sunny days is upon us . We can finally relax and sit in the sunshine and drink iced tea . We can lay back and think about nothing . After all , what else is there to do ? I decide to put on my swim suit and lay in the sun , hoping the kids find something to occupy themselves . While I am putting on my suit , which reveals a few unsightly new bulges , I realize I am out of sunscreen . This is an emergency , because I burn right away and can 't risk lying in the sun without SPF 400 . If I continue with this plan , everyone has to get dressed and go to the drugstore . For some inane reason , I don 't trust the kids to stay out of trouble when I leave home to do a simple errand . How about going to the lake and renting a canoe ? Perfect . I can stop by the drug store and pick up the sunscreen on our way . The kids are onboard with the idea , and we get dressed for boating , including our hats , and drive 45 minutes to the lake . By the time we get there , we are hungry and grouchy , so we stop at the concession stand for $ 25 worth of hot dogs , candy bars , potato chips and drinks . Hoping I still have enough cash to rent a canoe , we stand in line for 15 minutes . I notice the cost has been raised since last summer and they are now charging an arm and a leg for a one hour rental . I guess canoe robberies have escalated since last year and are now a big time operation , but I wonder how you can steal a canoe in broad daylight . We finally rent a canoe . Our first challenge is actually getting in the canoe . Did you ever see a boat that tipped so easily ? I sit in the front paddling the craft through the peaceful waters , while my 12 - year old son , Jay , sits in the back , steering . He learned canoeing from his father last summer and is ready to show - off his skills . I am not as confident as he is . My daughter who is eight , sits in the middle yakking about everything she sees . Doesn 't she realize the joy of canoeing is the peace and quiet of still waters ? Jay is fairly quiet , only complaining occasionally about everything from being hot to getting his new tennis shoes wet . Suddenly , we see a pontoon boat coming around a bend toward us . It is quite large and seems to be hogging the middle of the lake pretty well . Jay and I both see it at the same time and prepare to move the canoe to the left . However , Jay gets confused and moves the canoe to the right . We are starring frightfully into the eyes of the man steering the pontoon boat , when he blasts an extremely loud blare from an air horn . It scares Jay so much he drops his paddle in the water . We are hypnotized , watching it sink . While I scramble to steer the canoe from the front , it bangs into the side of the pontoon boat . Wham ! There is a moment of terror while the canoe tips dangerously and we all nearly fall in the water . I wonder if we will survive . In my panic , I drop the other paddle , which seems to be in a hurry to join its partner at the bottom of the lake . When we finally make it home , wet , disgusted and grumpy , I face a terrible truth . Tomorrow may be no better . The terror of warm sunny days is upon me . Women love weddings . We plan for years for the perfect wedding for ourselves and our daughters and spend large fortunes on dresses , food , cake , flowers , reception halls , a band , and invitations . Why do we do this ? Because we love it ! It 's our dream day , the one day in our lives when we can let it all out and do exactly what we want . That is , of course unless the groom disagrees . The groom should be told from the get - go that he has no say whatsoever on anything that happens at the wedding , except when he finally says " I do " at the right time . I think all women love weddings , even those who aren 't related to the people getting married . We get all sweet and gushy when we see a man who is finally giving up his freedom to take care of a woman because he loves her . Unfortunately , to witness this event , we really need to be accompanied by a man . Have you ever noticed that more women attend weddings as guests than men ? Think about it . When was the last time you saw a group of men telling jokes , drinking beer and throwing peanut shells in the back row of the church during a wedding ? Honestly now , never ! Men would much rather stay home dressed in their sweats than actually sweat it out in a suit in a church . I know there are exceptions to playing wedding hooky , such as pastors who must be in suits in church every week and don 't seem to mind . But in general , I believe men like to avoid getting dressed up and going to weddings . What we women need to do is begin early in the season to prepare our man for his eventual attendance at a wedding . That 's why the invitations have those little cards you return , telling the bride who will be attending . Once your man has stood by and agreed to attend , and you have sent back your acceptance card , there is no wedding hooky permitted . It 's now compulsory . " You know the beautiful blond daughter of Jim and Carol . " During this nightly brainwashing be sure to stress how beautiful the bride will be . You know how men like to see pretty women . During the pre - wedding brainwashing be sure to stress the beefcake and the beef ! Subconsciously you are implanting the idea that the wedding will be a very gratuitous experience for your husband . Finally when the day of the wedding comes and your husband begins his pre - wedding whining you can remain firm in the thought that he will not be playing wedding hooky . Jim and Carol are counting on him to be there for the beef and the beefcake , and he witnessed you filling out the acceptance card . If you would like to read it , you have to go to my blog and start on the blog from May 24th , My Neighbor the Yard Gnome , which is the first section of the series . Then you would read the blog from May 26th , Yard Gnome II . If your not laughing by that time , you can read the blog from May 27th , Yard Gnome III . I hope you can still laugh after all this confusion . I didn 't think things could get any worse , when Jessie devised a plan for catching her husband . She had found an old dolly in the shed . It wasn 't a baby doll , it was one of those gizmos men use to move heavy items . She thought we could pick up the gnome and move him back to the house on the dolly . It wasn 't a bad idea , considering the problem . I wish you could have seen us trying to move that stupid gnome . We had a terrible time getting it onto the dolly , and when we did , neither of us had to strength to push it over the grass . We were groaning and moaning . It was a predicament . The gnome was the heaviest thing I had ever tried to lift and even together we could hardly get him right side up . He was at a weird angle and pretty far away from the bird bath . After our dolly folly , neither Jessie nor I could figure out what to do . Since I didn 't really believe Paul had turned into a yard gnome , I decided I needed to spy on him at night . I didn 't mention to Jessie that I thought he was seeing another woman , but she thought he must be moving around at night , doing the yard work by the light of the moon . The next night we hid outside behind the bushes near the bird bath and watched the gnome . It was back in its original place , with the hose in its hand . Nothing happened for awhile and I almost feel asleep , when we heard a funny noise and something whizzed past us into the woods . The yard gnome had moved ! " Yes I did , and I heard it too . Do you think it was ……… could it have been … . . Paul ? " I couldn 't believe it . How could he move that fast . I must have been asleep . I couldn 't see Jessie 's face , but I knew she was excited . We began calling out Paul 's name into the darkness , sneaking through the yard quietly . Jessie handed me a flashlight and I lead the way , as we walked round and round the bird bath and through the yard . She was calling Paul in a plaintive voice . " Paul …… Paul , please come in … . Here Paul … . . I 'm sorry I made you do all the housework … " She repeated it like a mantra for awhile . Finally she screamed " Come here you idiot . " " Of course , " I whispered . I pointed the light toward the woods , checking out the trees and the bushes , but no Paul . There was a slight glow coming from behind one of the larger trees , and suddenly I saw the top of a pointy red hat . I grabbed Jessie by the arm . " Look over there , " I whispered . We both saw the red hat . We moved closer and I turned off the flashlight so Paul couldn 't see us . Then we saw the tops of more than one hat . My thoughts were running wild . Could there be more of these little men ? More yard gnomes ? Was this a meeting ? There was a small fire in the middle of the group and we heard quiet laughter . We slipped up closer to the little fire and counted the gnomes . Six in all , and sure enough , there was a female gnome standing next to Paul . She looked almost the same as the other gnomes , but she had blond hair , no beard and she was wearing a skirt . Jessie was really mad by then , and I hoped she knew better than to make a scene . " Not ! " he said . " I 've met someone else . " He nodded his head towards the cute little female gnome . " You know what they say , gnome , sweet gnome . " On the way home , despite her anger , a tear ran down Jessie 's cheek . " I had no idea my husband would become a yard gnome . Do you think I forced him into it ? I miss Paul , and I am so lonely sometimes . It 's just not that nice at home anymore . " I finally had the answer she needed . " Well , at least your yard is beautiful ! The lawn seems to be perfectly groomed , and I got you a subscription to Gnome and Garden magazine . " This story becomes sadder and sadder every time I tell it . Jessie was coming over to my house every morning to discuss her problem . As I sat with her , I realized she was slipping over the edge . " You think I should go to a psychologist ? " Jessie was definitely insulted and she got up and left , slamming my kitchen door so hard , I thought the glass was going to break . I felt bad about it , but I breathed a sigh of relief . " I guess you 're right . Do you have the name and number of a psychologist ? " I gave her the number and she left . When I drove past her house I saw that the yard gnome had not moved and was still holding the hose , smiling . I was amazed that Jessie 's yard still looked perfect . How could that be ? I asked her if she was doing the yard work . " Yes it does , " I agreed . Over the next few days I really tried to figure it out . How could a man turn into a yard gnome , I kept thinking . There had to be some explanation . Maybe Paul had put a stone yard gnome in his place and was sneaking off to see another woman . It certainly made sense considering the way Jessie treated him . But how could the gnome look so much like him ? Later that week Jessie knocked on my door . " Oh no , here we go again , " I thought . I was glad to hear she had visited the psychologist , but sad to hear the results . " That psychologist is a nutcase . He kept asking me about my feelings . How did I feel about my husband turning to stone ? Had I done anything to offend him ? How did I feel about doing his household chores ? Was I willing to give up my soaps ? It was just hopeless . When I got home it was dark . I hoped Paul had returned to being a man , so I ran in the house hoping he was watching TV , being his normal self . He wasn 't . " She started crying again . " It doesn 't matter how I feel about it , it only matters that he 's not around any more . He 's not around to do the dishes , or take out the garbage or wash the car . He doesn 't do the vacuuming , or dust . He 's just standing in the yard . I knew he 'd find a way to avoid doing his chores . " When I first met Jessica and Paul Yardley I thought they would be great neighbors . They were polite and friendly and their place looked like a picture from Home and Garden magazine . Often , during those first weeks after they moved in , I would see Paul working in the yard - mowing , planting , pruning , watering - he did everything with a pleasant smile on his face . He seemed very happy . However , I soon learned that Jessie wasn 't happy at all . When we got together for coffee one day , she expounded on her husband 's faults . He was lazy and stupid , shirked his chores in the house , and all he wanted to do was work in the yard . I came away realizing she was very bossy and quite dysfunctional , even crazy perhaps . Friday , she came rushing over to my house and knocked loudly on the back door . " Can I talk to you ? " she asked , pushing her way into the house . I agreed and we sat down at the kitchen table . " Paul won 't come in the house ! " I had no answer for this and she went on . " Paul went out to work in the yard on Wednesday and never came back in . He finished the mowing two hours later and I kept expecting him to come back in the house , but he didn 't . I didn 't really care at first . I needed my nap and I had to watch my soaps , plus I had to prepare dinner . It seems like the work never ends . " I 'm over here , " he yelled back . His voice sounded a little weaker than usual , but I didn 't think anything of it . He was some distance away . " I 'll be in soon , " he said smiling at me . I thought his smile was a little stiff , but I was too far away to get a good look . I was tired from a long day 's housework and I went back inside . I called him two more times that evening , but I finally ate dinner alone . I even ate some of his , but I left him some on a plate . Then I did his job , washing the dishes . That made me really mad and I called him several more times to come in , but didn 't get an answer . That evening I fell asleep in front of the TV , alone . " Unbelievable as it seems , Jessie told me that Paul never came in that night . In fact , he never came back in at all , and it made her very angry . The next day she went out to find him . He was still standing by the bird bath with the hose . She decided she needed to check him out carefully , so she trekked all the way out to the bird bath to see him . She noticed that he looked shorter than usual . " Aren 't you going to come in soon ? I 'm sure the birds and the flowers have enough water by now ! " " I don 't really care if the president came by , " she screamed . " I need your help in the house ! " She was finally losing her patience with her husband . Didn 't he know that he had responsibilities in the house ? The dishes were piling up and he forgot she needed help with the vacuuming . And why would she care if the wild animals had enough to drink ? After an uncomfortable silence she said , " Well , I 'm going ahead with my day . If you want to stay out here all day , I guess that 's up to you ! " She was mad and stomped into the house . The next morning she called me and asked me to come over and try to convince Paul to come back in the house . When I saw him I was shocked . He seemed much shorter than I remembered , so I looked down to see if he was standing in a hole . He wasn 't . His white hair had grown longer . His face looked the same but his body was much smaller than it had been . Paul Yardley seemed to be morphing into a little yard gnome . Even his clothes and shoes must have gotten smaller , because they still fit the same way . And somewhere he found a long pointy red hat . " Take that hat off , " Jessie demanded . " It makes you look stupid . " He just looked at her and laughed . She didn 't want the neighbors to see him wearing it . She grabbed at the hat , but then grimaced . " Feel this hat , " she said , giving me a direct order . To my surprise , the hat was as hard as a rock . I was taken aback . Jessie and I couldn 't pull it off . We looked at Paul with total bewilderment . Then I touched his shoulder and it was hard too . " What happened to you ? " I asked . He just stood there watering and smiling and didn 't answer . I wondered if he could even talk . Could his mouth move if it was stone ? His eyes were still alert and moved around , looking at me and the lawn . " Quit turning into stone and come in the house , " Jessie demanded , but by noon Paul had turned completely into a yard gnome . All the yard work was meticulously done , but we never saw him move a muscle or a stone arm or leg , or give a toss of his hard head . He was as hard as a rock , and couldn 't talk , so Jessie turned off the hose and went shopping . This is a picture of a stained glass ornament that was made by my sister , Greta Hanesworth . It is hanging in front of the window in my office where I do my writing . Jesus face looks like he has tears in his eyes , which was an accident that occurred when it was fired in the kiln . The glass was soldered together first and then the face was painted on . The final step was firing it in the kiln . This particular " Face of Jesus " was never used in the full window , which took almost a year to make and was installed in a church in southeastern Ohio . The face sat around alone in the art studio for about a year and then I asked Greta if I could have it . She never said anything until my birthday last year , when she gave me the face with the pretty round frame . It is beautiful and the face of Jesus is very special to me and inspires me often . My sister and her husband live next door and they have a beautiful male cat . Surprisingly , the cat was named for a sound he makes … . " bip . " Yes , this pretty gray and white cat makes a sound like he swallowed a clock . He makes this sound when he is happy , and if you listen very closely you can hear him bipping . Kind of like purring , but not . All during the summer months , Bip loves to be outside . His favorite thing to do is walk around the pond and make his way to the edge of the woods . He will sit with his face to the woods for very long periods of time , watching for small critters to come into the yard . I 'm sorry to say that he likes to play around with these little creatures until he kills them . It 's not very nice , and I have tried to tell him , but he just doesn 't listen . During the winter months I missed seeing Bip on his rounds . Day after day , it was freezing cold and snowy , and Bip doesn 't like to get cold feet , excuse me , cold paws . He hasn 't walked around the edge of the woods for months , and who could blame him . However , today I saw him sitting with his nose toward the woods . That is a good sign that spring is actually coming . Plus , he only missed the First Day of Spring by two days . It is Thursday March 20th . So I am nominating Bip as the new harbinger of spring . Move over Punxsutawney Phil , even though you are a very famous groundhog , you only tell us if there are going to be six more weeks of winter . Wait until next year if you must . When spring comes to southeast Ohio , if you can find our house , you will see a gray and white cat sitting with his nose to the woods in our backyard . Plus , if you 're really quiet , you can hear him bip . |
' Hold on a minute , there were 2 guitars left on earth ? This is awesome ! Now we can definitely beat the Mistress once and for all ! ' ' Come on , we need to go , ' said Annabel . ' Yeah , you 're right , we do , ' I replied , and with that said we were off … We gathered the rest of the Group and made our way to the palace . Now that we have 2 guitars we can surely beat the queen once and for all so that music won 't be lost forever . We can 't look back now … It 's either conquer the Mistress and save the world … or be destroyed . As we made our way up to the castle I could not wait for what was in store for us . I mean I finally get to revenge my parents ' death . I will get my revenge for her killing my parents in the protests and for turning the world into the dark , abandoned , gloomy planet we see today . Group POV * ' OK , this is it . We need to back Oliver and Annabel up all the way … even if it costs our lives , are you with me ? ' ' Yes , ' they all replied as we continued to make our way to the palace . When we got there , there was a nasty surprise waiting for us . All the guards guarding the area surrounded us . Before they attacked us we fought back . Very soon it had become a fight like on a battlefield . As we were fighting we let Oliver and Annabel escape the fight and search for the Mistress while we fought the guards until we won . This is it , this is the time when we are going to beat the Mistress once and for all . We got the guitars ready as we approached the Mistress 's room . When we were in front of it , we stepped inside … I can 't believe they had the nerve to challenge me . I mean , what were they thinking ? There are no more instruments on earth , and if they made their own it would be useless . They might as well turn around right now because they won 't beat me . I won 't allow it ! I will put them to death if they dare enter my headquarters and that 's a promise … My mother and father will be proud for once . Just then one of my guards said there were some intruders approaching us . ' Now , ' I said , the time has come … for Oliver and Annabel TO DIE . ' Within seconds guards were surrounding us . ' Well , well , well , Oliver , Annabel , you 've been very bad haven 't you ? ' said the Mistress . ' But this little stunt has crossed the line … get ready to say goodbye . ' Just then our guitars started glowing as we took them into our hands . ' What ! The legends were true , but not 1 but 2 guitars ? Quickly , destroy them , ' the Mistress said . ' You ready , sis ? ' I asked . ' You bet , ' she replied . As we started to rock the house with our guitars all the guards disappeared leaving the Mistress by herself . She took out a sword and challenged us . We rocked the house once again , but before long Annabel 's guitar was taken by the Mistress . She started playing it - and before long it was a music war . As she took my guitar she started playing it . Great . Wonderful . Now she has a chance to beat us . Wait - I know that song that Oliver taught the Group ! ' Oliver , the song ! ' I said . ' OK , are you ready ? ' he replied . ' Yes , ' I said . ' 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , ' Oliver said , as he wailed away on his guitar and then I started to sing . ' I wake up in the morning , feeling like P . Diddy , grab my glasses , I 'm out the door , I 'm gonna hit this city . ' My voice only had a small impact , I needed more voices quickly . We knew that the voice was Annabel 's , but it wasn 't strong enough , she needed us . We charged in and started singing . We grabbed the guitar from the Mistress and handed it to Annabel so she could sing and play . Before long the queen started losing her power over the people she ruled and 1 by 1 they started to sing , drum , tap and dance to the beat , and when the song finished the queen disintegrated into a pile of nothing . The world had been saved . One bitter cold day Grace was , in fact , once again in the local newsagent with her £ 5 note in hand , drooling at the sight of all the mouth - watering sweets in the shop - which she had over a hundred more of at home . The newsagent watched her , smiling to himself , as she scanned the shelves of Haribo sweets and Vimto Bon Bons in the jars . ' I 'll take twelve of these Fruitella packs , please , and one pack of Soft Mints , ' said Grace , emptying the packs of sweets out of the dip in her amazingly baggy jumper she was using to carry the sweets over to the counter . They all toppled out onto the counter as Grace tiptoed high to escort her sweets out of the bright purple baggy sweater . Grace placed her £ 5 note onto the counter , peering at her ton of sweets . ' Phew ! Wow , looking at them now , that 's actually quite a lot ! Nevertheless , there 's my lot for today . I 'll add more to my collection tomorrow ! ' exclaimed the sweet - addicted girl , with a very unexpected proud look on her face . ' Oh , and thanks , Raj ! ' she laughed . ' That 'll all come to £ 4 . 99 please , ' replied the kind newsagent . Grace moved her £ 5 note closer towards Raj to give her money to him . As Raj put the fiver into the till Grace said , ' Keep the 1p change ! ' ' Not too bad , thanks Raj ! Already over 200 , 000 … not sure what 's going to happen once they 're all over their expiry date … I 'll have to start all over again . That 's no problem for me , though , ' Grace sighed . ' Aha . Now you must chuck them away once they go off ! You 'll get ants and all sorts of little disgusting creatures . Your mother , I know , won 't be too pleased about that , Grace ! You 're right , it is not problem for you to re - collect them . . but why ? When you don 't eat them ? Why do you collect sweets and leave them not eaten ? ' questioned the curious newsagent , Raj . Crystalyn waved her wand . When she said ' Snow , snow , snow , don 't blow ' , she had the power of making it snow . Crystalyn was very beautiful . She had long blonde hair , light brown eyes and white skin . Every night the moon was always full . Crystalyn made a wish . ' I wish I was an ordinary girl like other people , ' she whispered . Crystalyn heard the owl hoot . The sun shone up and melted all the snow away . Crystalyn was getting ready for school . Her school was very grand . Her school was only for princesses . Crystalyn always thought that to be a princess would be easy , but now she realised it was hard work . ' I wish I was an ordinary girl , ' she whispered as she was doing a very grand Sats which was about table manners , which utensil to use , well - something like that . It was lunch . 12 . 15 pm . ' Finally , ' Crystalyn shouted . She got embarrassed and sat down in her chair in embarrassment . She had a best friend called Lilibell . Lilibell had short brown hair and dark eyes . Lilibell was an autumn princess , if you would ask . After lunch was work . It was home time and when Crystalyn got home she made it snow . She went outside and made an ordinary girl , not a princess but an ordinary girl . She was heading to the castle when she tripped on something glittery . It was a box . A snowflake box . ' How did that get there ? ' she said in surprise . She looked at the words and read , ' Every snowflake is unique , it 's true . Every one is special , just like you . ' Inside was a beautiful pearl . Crystalyn picked it up and pushed in her chest and said , ' Every snowflake is unique , it 's true . Every one is special , just like you . ' Something magical happened . There was a skateboarding tournament to celebrate the last year of the 20th Century . There was an event to show off your skills . Meanwhile , in the laboratory in an underground base , a monkey was getting a special vaccine . But as they inserted the syringe the monkey started to get aggressive and also started to get bigger , and as it broke free it started to destroy the lab . As it dug to the surface it dug right out of the middle of the tournament . It pulled itself out completely and started to destroy all of the ramps and all of the rails . Jamie , a boy skateboarder , noticed all the chaos and shouted , " Armour up ! " . ' Always try your best , ' said dad , with his deep voice , while I was putting on my shoes . My dad was talking about the grown - up things , like paying for the rent . ' The same old , same old , ' I whispered . Bang , bang as I knocked on my friend Sam 's door . ' Always try to get grades by not playing that foolish game , ' said Daniel , Sam 's annoying dad who always talked about education . Even more than my dad , which is seriously a world record . World 's annoyingest dad Then me and Sam went to Emily 's house ( she is also my friend ) . So as we were going to school I was talking about this advert saying win £ 200 , 000 if you win Zombie Outbreak 2025 . I wanted to make my dad proud . Instead of playing Zombie Slayer 3000 there is a mouse - like button called … ( by the way , can you do a drum roll , if you want to ) … The Zombie Spawner ! The Zombie Spawner is a semi - sphere . The colours are grey on the top and the side ones are white . There is a button in the middle and on the side there is a switch with numbers at the side . The switch with the numbers represents how many zombies you want , and the button activates the zombie ( which is the coolest bit of the spawner . ) When you touch it , it might blink red and electronically turn you off . If you are the owner it blinks green and will allow you to use it ( you can edit it if you are the right skill level . ) So after school we went down an alleyway and there it was - the Zombie Spawner . So me and Sam ran down there , trying to get it . Sam tripped , and I shouted ' THANK YOU , ROCK ! ' Then Emily and Sam giggled . While Emily was helping Sam up , I finally got it . It WAS Zombie Spawner . I asked Emily how to control it . She said she didn 't know . So I got bored because my little brother Max was playing Minecraft , so I went to my grandad 's house . ' Hi , ' I said . He replied saying , " Hello , mate . ' I said to my granddad I found a Zombie Spawner . Then he said , ' Let 's go outside . ' He then said , ' Better get a stick , ' so I did . ' Hold the stick in front of you ' . So I did . Then he said , ' Hold the stick behind you . ' So I did . He said it repeatedly . So after that I said , ' Why you keep telling me to do it ? ' He picked up a stick and said , ' Hold the stick in front . ' I did and blocked his attack . Then he said , ' Hold the stick behind you . ' Then I blocked his attack . So here I am , doing the zombie ( which is probably the hardest , but I am awesome , yeah , I can finish . ) ' Ouch ! Aw , man , I am failing ! ' I walked past the Bank . Police everywhere . There had been a robbery a week ago yet the police are STILL looking for evidence so they 've cut off the shortcut to school and now I have to go the long way ! It was a cold , icy , grim day and I suddenly heard screaming . I looked to my right and I saw one of my BBF 's , Aaliyah , on the floor with her dad hovering above her . ' How dare you ! ' he said . ' You think you can try and call Childline without me knowing ? ' he shouted . ' Aaliyah , ' I screamed , and then her dad suddenly stopped being aggressive and disappeared into the alleyway . Aaliyah slowly walked towards me , eyes wet , legs shaking , clothes in tatters , bottom lip bleeding . ' Ever since mum died he has been so abusive , Jayden ' Aalliyah sobbed . ' Jayden , Aaliyah , ' said Ms Tonberry . ' You two are 15 minutes late ! What do you have to say for yourselves ? ' I opened my mouth to tell Ms the events of the morning when Aaliyah stoppd me and said , ' Sorry , Ms , we are just late . ' ' Probably kissing in the alleyways , ' said Thomas O ' Brien ( the class joker . ) ' Shut up , Thomas , and grow up , ' my other BF Ashlee said . ' Sorry , ' his mom screeched back , as Jaden slammed the door . I was going to school . I reached halfway , then I saw a man sprinting . He stood next to me for a second and then he started running again . And then I saw another two men running . I took a deep breath . Then I told myself this is just a bad dream , and that it is because my mom put in my bag a beef sandwich . And then my mom came and said , ' Do you want a lift ? ' I said yes . When I got to school where my friends were waiting . ' What 's John and Eddie doing ? ' I said in my confused voice . ' Nothin ' , ' they both said at the same time . I laughed . Then I told about the strange morning I had . But before I could say anything the school bell rang . Then I saw Jamie . Jamie was the school bully , everyone didn 't like him , not even his girl friend . He likes me for picking on . This was the worst moment in my life . Me and him stared eye to eye . This was a dream it had to be a dream . He came my way . I looked around for my friends but there was no one there . It was just me and him . Then I saw the door to my classroom . It was beside me so I quickly opened it . By that time he was running . I just slipped into the classroom . There was the teacher gazing at me . ' Sorry , ' I said back . I sat down and after that I went home early . As my mom had just turned up , so I quickly got in . On the way I saw the man who was running - he had got knocked over . Then I felt something in my pocket move . I took it out and I saw it was a USB stick . I went to my room and saw my computer . I stuck the USB stick into my hard drive . As I did , my computer automatically turned on . Then I saw this twirly thing on my computer . I thought it was carrying a virus , or hypnotising . Then I felt my body slowly go to pieces and fly . It felt good , but where was I going , what if I died ? Oh no ! I was in for it . Then appeared a ledge near to a lake . As an old man came by I asked him ' where am I ? ' He said , ' Near to a lake , ' and he giggled . Next second I saw a beggar gripping onto my leg really tightly . As soon as I looked at him he said " I beg you , can I have coins ? ' I replied ' Take this ' . I gave him ten dollars and walked off until ' Can I have real money please , ' he begged . I turned around in astonishment . ' What did you say ? ' I said . ' I gave you ten dollars . You can get something to eat and drink . ' ' Sorry , ' and he ran off . What does he think this was ? Goo goo ? Then I saw a sign saying ' This way to the city ' . I told myself ' Finally , people with common sense . ' But I was mistaken … When I reached the city I asked the same question to all different people . But instead of saying the lake they said in the city . ' Oh my days , this is really … ' Then I remembered that USB . It was what I put in my hard drive . Then I grabbed a hard drive and I put it in and suddenly I appeared at my desk . It was six o ' clock and I came down for dinner . My heart raced . All different sounds were blazing in my head . I ate as fast as I could and then called my friends over . They came at 7 . 30 and I told them my secret . Eddie thought it was awesome and John couldn 't believe it . Then John said , ' All by this USB stick ? ' ' Yes , ' I replied . ' This is awesome , ' said Eddie in awe . As John snatched th USB from Eddie my dog came in . I said , ' What is it , boy ? ' Then he led me down . A tear dripped from my eye . My throat went sore . ' This must be a dream , ' I said , ' My mom is dead . . . ' And a man laughed . This was the worst day of my life . I was in hate and ruin . This was what I told myself , next time I would , but I never did . Devastated . That 's how I felt when my parents told me the dreadful news that would have ruined my life , if I hadn 't done something . My name is Xi and this is my story … " Sweetie , come out for dinner would you ? " Shabeena called through Xi 's bedroom door . This was a rare occasion in the Quazi household . Xi 's eight brothers and sisters were out and there was an edgy atmosphere in the shack . Xi could smell mouth - watering goat curry , chicken tikka and her father , Adnum 's , special lamb rogan josh . Xi could sense a special occasion as she walked down the hallway . She went to the small coffee table that they called the Kitchen Table . They sat on the floor , their curries laid out before them . The family of three started small talk and helped themselves to curry . Xi was feeling like her parents were stiff . They seemed to have something to say , but they couldn 't get it out . Xi decided to break the tension , " Mother and father I can sense that you need to say something , and I would like you to tell me , " she said . Chapter 2 Adnum and Shabeena looked at each other nervously . Shabeena gave Adnum a small nod and she began to speak , " Xi , this point of your life is very important . It is now two days before your eighteenth birthday and you are very excited . Ever since you were born , actually when you were in my stomach … " Shabeena started to cry and Adnum cleared his throat and started to speak , Xi immediately felt warm , salty tears stream down her coffee coloured cheeks . She stood up but her father grabbed her wrist , " You will stay and finish your curry . We are doing the best for you . Do not treat us like rubbish , " Adnum shouted . Xi didn 't come home all night . She went down to the river to plan her escape . Her mother knew where she would be and went to see Xi , but didn 't tell Adnum . Shabeena looked away , her face getting redder . " Xi , I have wanted to say this for a very long time . I had an arranged marriage with your father , Adnum . I have been miserable all my life . " " You will meet Abdullah on the day of your wedding . He will fix your transport and you will escape . It will be dangerous and scary , but you will do it because I know you are strong . " Xi was happy at this news , but it felt like a tornado was ripping her apart . She was going to lose her mother and family , but escaping was the news she wanted . It was the day before my wedding / birthday . Believe me , I was scared . My wedding clothes would be my older sister 's sequined , orange sari . I felt privileged , but I knew it would be a waste … The venue was agreed . It would be the open compound near the rainforest . The cloths were agreed , the sequined orange sari that her sister wore to her wedding . The food was agreed . Xi 's auntie Reeta would cook curries to feed the thousands . The only thing not agreed was the weather . Xi had the guts to run away . Abdullah was a middle - aged man who owned an elephant . He ran a small business near the rainforest and took tourists on tours of the jungle . His company was failing , and as he was growing older the business was failing too . Shabeena persuaded the man to give up his elephant for five hundred rupees . Chapter 5 When it came to goodbyes there were none . Xi escaped in the early hours of the morning and found a small backpack at the foot of her bed . It was obvious her mother had packed it . Xi was getting cold feet , literally her feet were freezing . She was also having thoughts about backing down . Xi wrapped a scarf around her head and stepped out into the darkness of the night . It was about 11 . 00pm . It was dark , it was silent . The only noise Xi could hear was her racing heart . She ran to meet Abdullah and Kive the elephant . Chapter 6 Nathan is ordinary . He goes to school , comes back and is popular . He has a girlfriend ( who is hot , at least that is what everyone thinks ) . But at night he is ' Cold Joker ' and slays killers all the time . Cold Joker is a hit man and has been training for two years . Ever since his mum and dad died and he went to live in America with his fifty - five year old , Greek granddad , Achilles . That 's when his life changed forever … Nathan was sitting down , minding his own business , playing with his black hair , which he does himself . Back in the UK he played football for Tottenham , ( he has got a six pack girls , don 't worry ) . Anyway , Achilles stormed in and said , " How old are you ? " " Nathan do you want to know what happened to your parents ? They were murdered by Snake , a great killer who shows no mercy . I was a hit - man from 1975 - 2003 , and now ten years later I am training you , my twelve year old grandson , to get revenge for the people who have been killed . " Nathan travelled to New York and searched for a week and found no Jonathan , so he rang Achilles , no answer , he rang again but there was no answer . Nathan was worried . While sitting in the hotel that Achilles had reserved for Nathan . Click ! Nathan heard the door knob , it turned . Nathan was walking towards the door when he though ' why has the rattling stopped ' … Bang ! The door burst open . " Nathan , is that you ? Have you met your brother ? Anyway , Snake has captured me ! I 'm at the Empl - , " Achilles voice cut off . Slap ! " Achilles told us to never lose our cool . Wait , your name isn 't Nathan , its Cold Joker and I 'm Cold Dragon and we 're the Cold Brothers , " Jonathan boasted . Nathan 's running to his car , jumps through the window ( like a boss ) , Jonathan does the same . They speed past traffic , when Bang ! All of a sudden windows were breaking , shots were fired , and people were screaming , cars crashing and Cold Brothers killing with no mercy . " Let 's do this ! " shouted Nathan . " Nathan I , I love you man , " Jonathan said emotionally . " Can I say something please ? Jonathan told me never to forget him , and how could I . He is still with us , not mortally , but he is right in our hearts … " A giant snake , green and blue , fell from the roof . The children ran into a Fun House but the snake followed . They ran into the mirror maze and split up . Willow and Marcus walked around armed with weapons and looked in the mirrors and saw the snake coming towards them . Quickly Marcus threw his phone at it , loud Nikki Minaj music played , making the snake vibrate . " That 's it ! Music destroys it , " Willow cried . Willow and Marcus went to find the others and they all ran out . Where was everyone ? The Amusement Park was empty . The only sound to be heard was a hiss in the distance . The children ran into the dress - up shop . " He has got a point , we have already lost a true mate , let 's not lose anyone else . I 've got a plan , we need music , weapons and our minds , " Willow said . Marcus jumped in and said , " The snakes explode when music is played too loud , " They began building weapons : Willow and Kai got five huge speakers and made a playlist of Nikki Minaj songs , and hid them all around the park . Kai , Luke and Nia created weapons out of mustard and ketchup filled water guns . " Corndogs ! Cotton Candy ! Caramel Apples ! Rides ! I love the amusement park . OMG guys lets go on the life - o - drop , wait let 's get popcorn , " screamed Marcus , " Kai , Nia , Willow , Britney and Luke let 's go ! " " Keep your hands off the buttons and make sure you wait for the ride to start before you scream , " said the ride conductor . Just then an old lady , as white as white paint , with snake skin in her hair , cried : " You are cursed ! I curse you all - snakes will feed on your souls ! " Then the woman ran away and the ride began . The ride began but suddenly the lights turned off . It was silent , all that could be heard was hissing as the snakes fell from the vent . The children screamed , the ride began again and fell one hundred feet . The snakes attacked but the children were able to dodge them . The snakes were everywhere ! Kai kicked the door open just as the ride finished . They all ran out , breathing heavily . But where was Britney ? They ran back . " Britney ? ! Argh , " Willow cried . Britney 's skin was half eaten and her right eye had been devoured . A snake was wrapped around her neck . She was dead ! They saw the old lady and followed her to the food stand . Just then they heard a hiss and they all got their weapons and walked out into the Amusement Park . Nia hissed to attract the snakes and they slithered in . Willow then pressed the button on the remote and the music played out loud . The snakes began to vibrate and explode one by one . They all hugged each other when suddenly the snake came back alive and attacked them . Willow was pushed to the ground and the snake devoured her . Her skull was cracked and she was dead . He was tied into the tracks of the rollercoaster . Then , the snakes got into the rollercoaster and started the ride . Luke 's body was sliced in half . Luke was dead . Kai and Marcus were strangled by the snakes , blood poured from their ears , nose and mouth . Their bodies exploded from the pressure . Last of all was young Nia who the snakes jumped on . " Argh , " screamed Nina . " Where am I ? What is this place ? " asked Jasmine to herself , nearly having a panic attack . The air was as warm as a radiator turned up to the highest level . The hot ball of fire looked down on the land as dogs , cats , chickens and people moved here and there in such a rush . Looking out the corner of her eye Jasmine spotted a strange looking man in dark cloths holding a small gun that was pointing at Jasmine . " Oh my lord , please help me ! " prayed Jasmine . She ran as swiftly as her legs could take her behind a fat tree trunk , just seconds before the bullet shot out as quick as a flash . " Damn it , " shouted the man angrily as he went in his car , looking for another victim . " Phew , " said Jasmine blowing air from her nostrils . " How about I go this way , " asked Jasmine calmly pointing to her right . As she carelessly walked on , a frightening looking clown suddenly appeared in front of Jasmine , making her squeal , because clowns were one of her biggest fears . " BALOONS ! 50 $ ! " chanted the clowns in Jasmine 's ear . Although Jasmine didn 't want a balloon the clown still gave her a balloon . 3 , 2 , 1 … POP ! Out of nowhere the strange balloon popped in Jasmine 's hand and out fell a dark brown crumpled piece of paper . As she slowly opened the scrunched up piece of paper Jasmine 's heart started beating as loud as the bang of a drum . " Fa - rang - u - lar , " said Jasmine , trying to sound out the name . This name was an off - license shop just opposite Jasmine . " Bull - ya , " shouted Jasmine as she sprinted as fast as a rocket powered cheetah . Scanning the shop up and down , left and right , Jasmine found exactly what she needed ! She found two cents lying on a pile of orange leaves , bathing in the sun . " YES ! " screamed Jasmine jumping pride . " I 'm home now mum , " shouted Jasmine from the front door . As soon as she placed her bag in the corridor Jasmine shot out the front door again to tell all her friends about her adventure . It then became the main story in the news , ever in Ghana ! On a warm summers day a fourteen year old girl called Jacky went to ' Jewels4U ' to find some new jewellery . She was a selfish rich girl who was very lonely because of her rudeness . Jacky could NEVER say a nice word ! She wore makeup all the time and was very skinny and beautiful . Although she hadn 't been to any different countries she really wanted to travel the world . In the jewellery shop Jacky spotted a lovely red handbag . Thinking she looked wonderful wearing it , she skipped to the till to buy it . When she returned home Jacky put everything she needed from her old £ 100 handbag into the new one , but she found a key and some money in the new bag . Eagerly Jacky searched for the lock and eventually she found a tiny slot that the key could fit in ! She put it in . Someone spoke … She picked up the money and realised that they were from different countries , one from Ghana , one from Ireland and one from Iran . Confused , Jacky carefully put the note from Ghana inside and suddenly she got pulled into the bag and then out again . Jacky landed on a sandy beach . While Jacky was carelessly eating her double chocolate ice cream on the beach a frightening clown approached right behind her . The clown 's name was Happy . However , he wasn 't ever happy . He was so evil that he would even try to kill his own family ! Jacky turned around at the sound of his voice . It was very high pitched and he was pretending he was a nice clown . Jacky said that she didn 't want one , but he gave her one anyway . Suddenly , the balloon popped and out came blood as red as a ripe tomato and it fell all on Jacky . She was furious ! She didn 't know what to do . Jacky ran as fast as she could to the sea to wash the blood off her and she thought that she would sue Happy . However , she couldn 't speak Ghanaian . As Jacky walked out of the sea , she thought ' How come that clown knew I could speak English ? It must be my looks ' . Then a massive tsunami flowed across the land ! It was a flood ! Jacky tried her best to climb a coconut tree so she wouldn 't get hurt . Once she reached the top she started to cry and had a thought that this was happening because she was so rude and she would never give anyone , anything of hers . Also , she was bullying people and she put a pin on her teacher 's seat . Jacky made a promise that she would be kind to everyone , help the hungry , comfort people and cheer people up . Jacky decided to help the people who were hurt and needed to be comforted . Runaway I walked into the room from school , exhausted . I could smell the smell of Beer so I knew my evil stepfather was home , unfortunately . My mum and dad had gotten a divorce , my mum met this guy in a bar , and they were instantly in love . Thirty days later they were in a wedding ceremony and that was when he became my father . I think Joe ( my stepfather ) married my mum because she has a lot of money . " Oi ! " said Joe . " Did he force you to allow him to have more beer or are you serious ? " I said curiously , " I cannot believe you 're on his side . I hate both of you . " Chapter 2 - Runaway While my parents were sleeping I packed my bags and headed off . I ran and ran so I could be far away from home . A few hours later I felt extremely hungry so I decided to steal food from a shop with no metal detectors . I saw this convenience store and walked inside . When the shopkeeper was not looking I quickly grabbed some ready salted crisps , two cans of coca cola , some snickers , mars bars and sweets . I ran out when the man shouted , ' I will never tell anyone about this , ' I said to myself and carried on running until I was exhausted . Then I saw this twelve year old boy lying on the floor crying . So I went up to him . I wake up every day mourning , grieving and regretting , just not knowing what to even do . Mum 's gone and so has dad . Where 's everybody else ? Gone . I didn 't ask for this , for mum to be murdered and dad to just disappear and for me to stumble upon his useless corpse . I guess there 's hope but I definitely can 't see it . Maggie , one of the little girls from the orphanage , came into my room today . She told me that we were having a clear - out in the orphanage and told me to go upstairs into the attic . There I saw thousands of old pieces of junk just lying there , waiting to become newly claimed . There I saw a cassette . It said on the bottom ' Play ' . I was intrigued . I went up to my bedroom and picked up my radio . I heard Cleo calling me , or as I like to call her ' The Great Abuser . ' ' Sophie ! Sophie ! ' she called . ' Answer you idiot ! ' ' What ? ' I said . She didn 't reply . I carried on with what I was doing , I placed the cassette into the tape part of the radio . I didn 't really know what it was called . I pressed ' play ' and I heard a girl screaming , her piercing scream caused me to cover my ears ; I wasn 't surprised . The girl then started to scream in pitches , from high to low . It sounded like mum when she was about to die , after her sick boyfriend sunk a knife into her chest ; I still remember the sound of her screams . It was similar to mum 's screams , it definitely reminded me of her . I decided to play it backwards and instantly I heard words , but all in different pitches . ' HELP ME PLEASE , THE TAPE IS - THE TAPE IS - YOUR ONLY HOPE . THE GOVERNMENT ARE CHANGING AND YOU ' VE KNOWN THAT . STOP BEFORE EVERYTHING HAS STOPPED AND NOTHING IS THE SAME . ' I blinked twice and couldn 't stop blinking . The tape reminded me of a story that mum used to tell me . It was about mum when she used to plan protests with her activist groups . The government never wanted people to speak out and express their opinions , anybody who did … well you 'd never hear from them until the judgement day where the people of the land would decide if they 'd be able to stay alive or be stoned to death . Mum had this happen to her but she escaped , changed her features and had me , all at the age of a young 16 year old . Dad wasn 't really around until he faced the facts that he is , and will always be , a father , so I guess you could say he kind of disowned me , but I don 't care . Mum said that she would find me a replacement dad and look where that got her . I really don 't know what to do with this cassette until the morning , so I guess I 'll just have to have the taste of fear on my tongue all night . There I awake , in a pool of sweat , just thinking about yesterday 's situation . Nobody in the orphanage knew about this except my walls and my disturbed thoughts . Suddenly there was a knock at my door . ' Who is it ? ' I asked worriedly . ' Just open the door , we don 't want any confrontation . ' I slowly stepped towards my door . I opened it and there I saw Paul and Lola , the two heads of the orphanage . ' You haven 't been coming down to dinner , lunch or breakfast over the last 3 weeks , Sophie , ' Lola said , while pursing her lips disapprovingly and flicking her long blonde hair out of her face . ' Well maybe I just don 't feel like eating ! Or I just hate it here so much I would rather rot in my room than eat your food , ' I retorted , a little too loudly . ' Well , Sophie , let 's have an agreement , you won 't have breakfast , lunch or dinner until you 're adopted , and we all know that is never going to happen until you sort yourself out , ' Paul shouted , while scanning me up and down . ' Just another notice , we will be checking all the children 's rooms from 12pm until 9 pm to look for an old piece of evidence , ' Lola said menacingly , then shut the door in my face as if she knew what she was going to stumble upon in my room . Think , think , think . I looked at my clock and it was 11 . 30 . I had exactly 30 minutes to hide the cassette from Lola and Paul . They were definitely part of something destructive ; I always knew that they were part of something , something interesting . It was time . I heard a knock at my door . ' OPEN YOUR DOOR , SOPHIE . ' I did what I was told and opened the door , but slowly and cautiously . There I saw Lola and Paul along with 5 other men in black riot suits . I gulped and then eventually let them inside my room . They searched everywhere but the insides of my shoes . I thought they were going to give up , but oh , was I wrong ! I saw Lola look at my worried face . She walked over to Paul and then started to whisper in his ear . Lola definitely knew that something was going on - and then announced something that destroyed my life forever . After the 5 men found the cassette they bundled me into this great big black van and started to ask me questions - but I wouldn 't answer . Then they chose to send me to Lockdown Prison to break me and try to get me to answer their questions . First they tried to burn my arms , stretch my skin and throw things at me , and they 're continuing today . I 'm locked in a black prison cell with the walls oozing with mud and slime . I didn 't think that it would end like this . Not like this at all . I wanted to die yesterday and made 3 suicide attempts at Lockdown . Another day of torture today but I 've got to get used to it . That 's it , I 've got to die . They gave me an option to just end it right now by taking an overdose . That 's what I 'll do . I 'm sorry , world , that I couldn 't save you from evil but there 'll be another hero . I am glad to have a home and a shelter , food and drink , even a place to play . I am more fortunate that other children who don 't have anything . Yes , I have everything a person could need … in my house up a tree . My water comes from a rushing stream , ten steps from my home . This stream has beautiful stones and rocks at the bottom . It is also very clear . So clear that if you looking the water you see your reflected self staring back at you . I have no family and no friends … except Scruff , my buddy the badger , who I found in some brambles . Without a mother or father you must think that I don 't know or have a name . Well , I do - David Johnson . I didn 't make this up ; don 't think that for one minute . The tree that I grew up in had a name written on it , and also it said , ' to our dearest son ' . I have never known my parents ; I don 't even know what they look like . If I could see them now , this is what I think they would look like : My father would be handsome and tall with hair just like mine , straight and brown . His eyes would be brown too , with a soft touch of kindness . His skin would be orangey brown because of being in the sun for too long . My mother would be beautiful with a smile on her face . I think she would have long wavy hair that blew in the wind . Her eyes would also be brown with a soft touch of love . Her skin would be like mine and Dad 's , orangey brown . I lay thinking , if only I could find out something about them ; but I never would be able to . I grew up in that tree . I 'm probably going to die in it too . Nothing was going to change … or so I thought . It was at that very moment when my life began to turn up - side down . A horn began to sound in the distance like a humming bug . As it gradually got louder and louder , the galloping of horses began to drum in my ear . The beat went on and on and on and then … it stopped . I couldn 't look down at the sight for my mind was on a whole different planet . When I awoke I found that I was surrounded by six people and two big dogs . Opening my eyes wide , I stood up . ' I think he 's lost , ' said a young lady with wavy brown hair , tied back so the wind could not blow her hair into her face , and a pink cap on her head . ' Do you have a name ? ' asked a man who stood next to her . This man was tall with ginger hair and a huge grin began to appear . The man and the lady stood in silence looking right at me . I had never seen anyone look at me like that before . Their eyes were full of wonder and disbelief . Finally getting the words into her mouth , the lady began to stutter , ' You … you … you 're Da … David Johnson ? Could this be true ? ' The ginger - haired man turned to two men who were behind me . ' It could be possible . Behind the men by my tree two ladies gave out a scream of excitement - they had seen my name written on the tree . Feeling the letters that were written on my home tree , the lady with long blond hair flicked her hair with soft white hands and said , ' I think he should come with us . We should take him to Lady Fig Johnson . ' The ginger - haired man pointed to the horses . Looking up I saw something that I never thought I 'd see . Scruff was lying still in a pool of blood . The badger was in an endless sleep - dead . I was led to the horses . I got onto the horse with much struggle for I had never been on a horse before . At first I didn 't know what they were - huge , different - coloured animals . Telling me what the animals were called , the lady ( with tied - back hair and a cap resting on it ) whose name was Gill , helped me onto the horse that she had been riding on . This horse was as white as snow , as soft as dry sand , her beautiful eyes were warm and comforting ; her name was Snowflake . Her eyes were deep grey , soft and kind . She stood like an angel , and galloped softly and smoothly . My favourites out of all of them were Amber and Jamie . They reminded me of my description of my parents . They were both orangey brown colours with brown hair . Jamie 's mane was straighter than Amber 's . This made him just like I imagined my father . Also like I imagined my mother , Amber had the same brown wavy hair . Eyes soft and full of kindness , love and joy . Feeling really warm near them , I began to hug and kiss Amber and then Jamie . When we finally reached a huge house , Gill carried me to the door , knocked , and left . A lady answered - Lady Fig Johnson . MY AUNT FIG ! …. ( to be continued ) My name is Matt and I was a paratrooper in WW2 . I joined the army in 1942 , two years before D - day . I was on the bus home from the farm that I work on when I saw an advertisement for the American Paratroopers . I thought , what are they ? But Dad let me . ' You got to do what you got to do , ' said Dad . So the next day I went to the recruitment office . I said , ' Could I join the Paratroopers , Sir ? ' ' How old are you ? ' - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Once I and my fellow soldiers were at the training ground , our Sergeant introduced himself . ' I am Sergeant Jack . You will now refer to me as Sir . ' The first thing we did was practising to jump . So we jumped off a huge wooden stand that was about three metres up in the air . At first I was petrified but I was pushed off by a comrade called Private Jeremy . I landed hard on the ground . ' Why the heck did you do that ? ' I was taken to the medical room and it wasn 't anything major but they said that I had to take it easy . A few days later I was ready for training . Every morning we ran up a cliff then down again . Once we had finished , our sergeant said , ' Now we are going to the Firing Range . ' When we got there , I was given a Bren gun . When I first fire , my shots were all over the place , but then I saw the sight . So I looked through the metal circle and I aimed for the centre of the plywood man , and I pulled the trigger and put a thirty - calibre round of lead through the plywood man 's chest . Now we were going to practise jumping from a real airplane . So they ordered us to get into the plane . My buddy Own said , ' Wow , our first real jump ! ' ' Yeah , pretty cool , huh ? ' I said . The red light flashed , and Sergeant Jack shouted , ' Stand up ! ' So everyone stood up . After that we started to check our comrades ' parachutes . Once that was the done , the green light flashed . When it was my turn , I didn 't even look back . I just jumped out . I landed quite softly but the wind was dragging me so I got my knife and cut the parachute . We were transported back to the training ground . They told us were ready for the jump . The real jump . When we were just about to board the plane , they said , ' There will be no jump tonight . I repeat , there will be no jump tonight . ' I couldn 't believe it . All this training and then cancel . How could they do that > Well , we 're definitely going to jump tonight . We were given sickness tablets for the flight . As soon as the green light came on we all jumped out . This time I landed hard . Straight away I looked for a comrade . Eventually after trekking through woods , I found Jeremy . We were walking on , when an enemy shot Jeremy . I got to a log , and returned fire . All of my shot missed . The next thing I knew he was shooting at me . Once he stopped I fired back , and then I reloaded . I got up to fire , and so did he . My bullet must have been much better aimed , because I shot him in the head and he fell dead . After a while , I found a comrade . I didn 't know his name , but he seemed nice . We decided to rest until dawn . We had food , and then went to sleep . When we woke up we decided to look for a group . We walked until we found a group of seven paratroopers . ' Thank God we found a group , ' my companion said . ' We are glad that you found us , ' said one of the soldiers . Suddenly a Wehrmacht soldier started firing at us . I turned round and shot him in the chest , and he fell down dead . We hurried away from that area . We came to some rocks to rest , when Wehrmacht soldiers started firing . [ to be continued … . ] It all started with a dead body . The three friends were in the garden burying a dead guinea pig . Suddenly Michael hit something hard . It was a stony dirty old sculptured head . ' I know who could help . Zach and Cody - they 're specialists in code breaking , ' said Kemera . ' But it will cost you £ 2 . 00 each . The three friends and Kemera followed Zach and Cody to their room . When Zach and Cody looked at the code , they realised it was an old one , so they would have to sign in their dad 's account so he could unlock the code . When Zach signed in , he was amazed about how much code breaking his Dad had done . So first he looked at what his dad had done with his code breaking life and it took about 20 minutes before he tried to unlock the code . It was hard , but in the end , the code said , ' Mount Rushmore . ' The portal was a blue colour turning in a circular motion . The children were stunned to witness the marvellous sight . The first person to walk in was Michael , followed by Sanjay , then nervously by William . Surprisingly a cry for help was heard as Sanjay started to slip . Suddenly the head dropped . William caught it as it clattered into the wall . A tunnel opened and Michael climbed down carefully . When they were in their comfort zone , they travelled to the top of the mountain and placed the head in its place . As Michael gasped for air , a piece of paper came out . It was not a code this time , but a riddle . It read … ' Where are we going ? ' asked Sunset curiously . Then Mum exclaimed , ' We are going to Paris ! Tomorrow ! Nan bought us some tickets ! ' Excited sisters hugged their mum . Singing , we ran up to our rooms , hearing Mum shout , ' Girls , pack your bags ! ' Disappointingly , three hours later we were woken up by our excited dad . Struggling to wake up , I thought about all the wonderful shops in Paris to motivate me . By four o ' clock we were ready to embark in the car , and so we did . After about half an hour of talking we got bored , so we sang , ' Forget you , ' to help the time pass quickly . I felt as a lucky as a queen , going to Paris . I 've never been there . Thinking this was a dream , I pinched myself , but I was still in the car , so it was real . In about an hour we were at the port , day - dreaming about Paris . There were five more minutes , so we went outside . Then we got back in the care , prepared out tickets , and drove on the enormous ferry and were amazed … We had loads of fun and even brought Jerry ( our dog ) a leash with the Eiffel Tower on it . Sadly , we had to go back to our car - however on the good side we were in Franc , on our way to Paris . CHAPTER 2 : In Paris ( finally ) When we finally got to Paris we understood what they meant on the internet about business and love . Feeling so excited , I burst into sudden tears of joy . Everyone started laughing , including me . Twenty minutes later we got to the hotel , and we were brought some fizzy cola and then went to bed . The next morning for breakfast we had sticky toast and honey and hot chocolate , which was weird , because I usually have hot chocolate before I go to bed . Anyway , after breakfast we headed for a sale . It was huge . First we went to the perfect perfume section with Mum , but then we wanted to go and buy some candy floss which smelt really sweet . When we got there , we heard rustling . And then the only thing I remember is me and my sisters in a van and the clear , loud barking of Jerry . I felt in danger . When we were let out I saw we were being kidnapped and dognapped , so I whispered to Sunset . ' Tell the other I will think of something , so they shouldn 't worry . We were really scared . The next day , in the morning , I smelt chicken coming closer , and the smell becoming stronger and finally , our breakfast was served . Drumroll please . It was … Two pieces of old chicken ? For all of us and a very hungry dog ? ! Also it was served by a suspicious looking man . We wanted our Mum , my sisters cried , but we decided to share the chicken . After this , we remembered that I had a bag . Unfortunately there was no phone , just a card , so we played some games . Suddenly I had it ! I had a fabulous escape plan . So I whispered to the others , ' This might be risky , but it is the only way . When he serves the lunch , I 'll escape to tell people what has happened while you just talk to him so he doesn 't notice me going . A second later , he came to give lunch , and Sunset started talking to him while I ran outside , and screamed , ' Help ! Call the police ! ' After a few minutes the police and our parents were there . We all hugged our parents , relieved . The good news is that the kidnappers got caught ! Everyone was happy . I think everyone felt HAPPINESS today . Everyone did something nice and helpful for someone . The next morning was a peaceful morning for our family and I found out that we were kidnapped because the men found out that our parents are rich and they wanted to threaten them for money . But they planned to ask for the money a day later than when the police came . I wonder when our next adventure will be . . . New York , 2060 . The people of New York are being ruled by an evil dictator , the " I " . The " I " is named as such because of his advanced form of CCTV surveillance cameras , which are literally EVERYWHERE . Nobody 's lives are their own . There is not one place in the whole of New York that isn 't being watched by the " I " . John was in one of the millions of cubicles in the office working for the " I " . John looked up at the camera that was controlling everybody in New York 's life with a sleepy glare - and realised the wires were hanging from the camera ! It was broken . He couldn 't possibly believe his eyes ! For the first time in 46 years a human being would not be on camera ! John took the chance to relax , to be able to taste the sweet freedom of not being watched . He could tell that this was not right , he should always feel like this . That gave John the inspiration to bring down the " I " . A voice replied , ' In a second , Mum , I am finding Pi to the last decimal point . ' Mum , wearing a red cardigan and a white top , slammed her ' Mum 's the best ' mug on the dining table . Tutting , she turned to her husband and whispered to him , ' Honestly , that boy spends more time revising than we have had hot meals . ' Bill , with a Welsh accent replied , ' Calm down , Maura , he is only revising for the end of year exam . ' ' No , Bill , I shall not calm down . You know as much as I do that this is not healthy for someone his age . I 'm going to see a children 's psychologist . This is not child - like behavior . A normal child should be out in the sun , ' shouted Mum . So Mum called Joe down , and put her coat on . But no reply . So she called him again . Still no reply . So , wearing her snow white coat , she stomped upstairs , sighing . Reaching Joe 's bedroom , she rattled the handle and then kept rattling , but the door would not budge . So she leaned on the door with her ear against it and said , ' Joe ! Let me in ! Let me in ! ' After several attempts , she ran downstairs only to find that her husband had gone to sleep watching the F1 on television . She mumbled to herself , ' If you want a job done , you 've got to do it yourself . Men ! ' So she fetched the metal ladder which clanged against the radiator on the way out . Trying to get out of the door , she had to scurry like a crab to get through . Then she put up the ladder against the wall under Joe 's window , kicked off her high heels and started to climb . At the top of the ladder , she began to regain her balance . Then she peeked through the window . |
Once Upon a Time , I wanted to do a project . It was Christmas and I was going home on leave , but I wanted to do some kind of cool thing . I also had a cousin that I hadn 't gotten anything for , and as I am her confirmation sponsor , I thought it ought to be something that some thought and effort went into . So I thought to myself , " Why not make a box ? How hard could it be , right ? " Accordingly I bought some lumber . The original idea was to make the thing out of cedar , but the cedar wood at the hardware store was kind of cheap and grainy looking . The red oak , however , was smooth and crisp , hard and solid . It had a weight and smell to it that spoke to me , and as for the feel ? Well , I 'm a pretty tactile person , so I do not exaggerate when I say that I fell in love with the feel of it . So it was a match . I bought the wood and lugged it upstairs to the woodshop in the top of the shop . Conscious of safety at all times , I ensured I had emergency medical equipment on hand in case of an emergency involving power tools . Also , on a job like this it is critical that you keep your strength up . Running the risk of passing out from hunger while operating powertools is simply irresponsible . So I made sure I was provisioned up . Then I ate my provisions in the first two minutes . Several more supply runs had to be made throughout the duration . A man 's gotta do what a man 's gotta do , you know ? And repeated a few doxen times , and voila ! ( That 's French for , " It 's not as easy as it looks , and there were some setbacks and a steep learning curve , but I managed to do it anyway , and decided to put it in montage format to condense the story - telling . " That 's really what voila means . ) I decided to use a combination of glue and mechanical fasteners ( dowel rod pins in holes in the planks . ) The forms I built to keep the holes consistent weren 't perfect so there was a little error . Some of the seams were really good , others were horrible . A little bit of sanding with a belt sander fixed that , but whenever I set up my own workshop , I think I 'll probably use a disk sander instead . Once I got the holes drilled and was ready to pin the sides and bottom together I had to build frames so that I could clamp them . Otherwise there is too much gap and the seam ends up ugly with lots of glue bulging out . They still ended up like that . More sanding . Once all the sections were set and sanded I had to put them together . The corners were all cut at a 45 degree bevel but I only had two large clamps . I tried using kettlebells to weigh it down , but they didn 't put anywhere near enough pressure on it . So I used slats of wood , ratchet straps , and twine to jury rig 24 separate clamps , one for each corner and direction . It looked crazy but it worked . If i ever really get into woodworking I 'll need a bunch of those long clamps . I took a break over Christmas day to enjoy the day . I sauted up this mushroom dish , which turned out to be really good . I don 't know why the picture ended up on it 's side though . It isn 't on it 's side in the folder I uploaded it from . Oh well . It 's probably gremlins . If you 're using a laptop I suggest you turn that on its side for optimal viewing . If you are using a desktop you could probably turn the monitor on its side , but lying sideways on the desk might be easier . While you 're doing that I 'll jot down the recipe as closely as I remember it . 1 thing of shittake mushrooms . First you heat the pan with olive oil just covering the bottom , and toss in the shittakes . Mince up 5 - 6 cloves of garlic and add them . Three or four heaping spoonfuls each of basil and oregano , and couple of tsps or tbsps ( whichever is smaller ) of ground rosemary . Then the oyster mushrooms ( the shittakes should be getting rubbery by now if you 've been adding things quickly . Throw in a bunch of thyme and sage and keep stirring . The heat should be on the lower side of medium by now . The baby bellas go in next , and the whites can go in shortly after . Now I would keep stirring for a while , but you 're going to need to add salt ( and I like just hint of pepper as well ) so you 'll just have to keep adding , stirring and tasting unti it is just the right amount . You want it to bring out the flavor of everything else , not take over . When its done you should eat it while it is still hot . It probably wouldn 't be good leftover . You can tell I was wearing the headphones while I used the belt sander . My entire head is covered with sawdust , except for the one strip right across the middle . If it looks like my mouth is hanging open it 's because I 'm singing along to some L ' Angelus . The varnishing was the hardest part . The darn stuff wouldn 't set . It 's supposed to be applied in temperatures between 50 and 90 degrees farenheit , but the weather took a turn for the arctic . It hardly got above ten degrees I think , that whole week , so I had to keep the stove going in the shop constantly . As you can see , the shop isn 't fully weatherproofed yet ( my brother is working on it . ) The warmest place was at the top of the stairs with the trapdoor to the upstairs shut . So that 's where I stashed the pieces while they were drying . That was a tricky bit of work , trying to move heavy pieces , wet with fresh varnish , without smudging them or dragging them through the dust . It worked , sort of . Layn wanted to do a project . Archie and the cat . " Dude , it is too dang cold out . How about a truce . I won 't tell if you won 't . " This evening , after I finished my kickboxing routine , I decided to go out and enjoy a little kettlebelling before I was done for the night . Accordingly I went out to the truck , unstrapped the 44kg kettlebell I keep in the back of it , and started doing swings . My goal was 20 sets of 10 , although I got a little froggy in the middle of the workout and threw in two sets of twenty ( took the frogginess right out of me . ) As I was nearing the end of my workout a little boy came out of one of the nearby apartments . He was small enough to be about seven , but spoke well enough to be about ten , so I 'm not sure how old he was . He was wearing black jeans and a black coat and carrying a power - ranger 's sword and I 'd seen him running around the complex with other kids before . This time he walked right up to me , bold as brass , and said , point blank , " Are you strong ? " I chuckled ( under my breath ) and said , " Strong enough to lift this thing . " I nudged the kettlebell with my toe . The young feller looked down at the ugly chunk of metal and strode over to it with a swagger practically oozing testosterone . He seized the iron handle in his two small but mighty hands ( they didn 't even come close to wrapping all the way around ) and heaved . He heaved with vigor . He heaved with vim . The kettlebell scraped on the sidewalk as it slid a little , but it weighed , I would guess , roughly twice what he did . He let go with a gasp , " Whoa ! That 's heavy ! " I laughed a little bit , not in an unkind way , but he wasn 't finished yet . He manfully stepped back up to the plate , as it were , and once again gripped the iron beast with determined mitts . He pulled and pulled and pulled , and this time managed to tip it a little to one side . " Don 't hurt yourself , " I said , momentarily falling into my obligatory role as responsible adult . He let go , huffing and puffing . " You 're a bit small for that , kiddo , " I told him , sympathetically . " You 'll have to grow into it . " But he ignored my condescending remark with righteous scorn , and undaunted , seized hold of his enemy one more time . His face was focused , his miniscule fingers were clenched , his every fiber rocked with masculinity . Mighty was the struggle ! He tipped it , he tilted it , he rolled it , and dragged it , but still one stubborn corner would not come off the ground . With a final , all - or - nothing effort , he pulled it on top of his bootlace ( which was completely untied ) and let go of it . " Whoosh , " he said . " I almost got it . " " Yeah you did , " I agreed , because he had . He turned to walk away , but it was the kettlebell 's turn now , and it yanked back on his bootlace and would not let go . " What the … " He exclaimed , glaring at his nemesis . I lifted it up so he could run away , calling over his shoulder , " I almost got it ! " A few minutes later he came running back out of his apartment . This time he had added a hood and some sort of face wrap , transforming his coat into a ninja suit . He was tearing across the yard for all he was worth , but he spared enough breath as he went by to say , " Sorry , buddy , but I got to go . See you . " And he was gone . Margaret awoke while it was still dark . Hans had coughed , and his wheezing breaths had paused , then stopped for too long and it had awakened her . He was breathing again now , and she allowed herself to relax . It wouldn 't be long now , she knew . He could not hang on much longer , and it was better so . She reminded herself vehemently that it was better so , and looked over at the clock . Her vision was not what it once had been , but she could just make out by the light of the embers on the hearth that both hands were pointing nearly straight down and just a little to the left of the six . It was about six - thirty . She sighed and slowly eased her old feet onto the floor , finding her old worn slippers . Then she knelt painfully for her morning prayers , letting Hans sleep as she always did these days . There was work to be done and no one to help her with it so she prayed quickly , sure that the Lord would understand . The chickens needed to be let out into the yard and fed , the eggs needed to be gathered , the fire needed to be built up both on the hearth and in the stove , the dog , an ancient German shepherd named Fala , needed to be shooed up from her bed in front of the hearth and sent outdoors . By the time Margaret had breakfast heating on the stove the sun was up and she could see the mills swirling through the frosty air in the distance , on the other side of the canals . If it warmed up enough they would walk along the river for awhile , if he felt strong enough . Hans was awake , sitting on the edge of the bed , his thinning , tousled hair looking like straw in the shafts of sunlight from the barred window . His eyes were curious today . He didn 't know where he was , or who he was . In some ways that was better . On the days that his mind was blank he was easier to deal with , more pliant . Other times , when he fancied he was a little boy again he ran everywhere as fast as his old limbs would take him and she could never keep up . The few and far between times when he knew things were the most painful . Then he would reproach himself and beg her pardon for being such a burden all these years . Today he was a blank slate . Perhaps she would teach him his alphabet , later . For now she had to feed and bathe and dress him . He liked the food today , sometimes he didn 't . The eggs and biscuits were warm and done perfectly , she still cooked as well as she ever had . He didn 't want to bathe at first , until she convinced him , mostly by signs and gestures and the reassuring tone of her voice , that the water was warm and nice and wouldn 't hurt him . Then she dressed him like a large baby in his old , old shirt and overalls , and the wooden shoes that no one ever wore anymore . She dressed him just like the children that they had never had , and in many ways he was very much her child . The innocence and trust of an infant looked out from his china blue eyes , or sometimes the petulance and weepiness of a two - year old , or the playfulness of a schoolboy . She started . He was a child again , and in this particular fantasy he thought she was his long dead aunt . " Yes , Hans , " she answered . " Of course he does my love , " she said . His eyes were the eyes of a little child , out of place in his gray stubbly face . There were only a few days in the month in which she could shave him without danger of him moving suddenly and cutting himself . He rocked back and forth and bounced a little , a potbelly he had never had as a boy jiggling as he did so . " Can we go see him , Aunt ? I want to wave him by . " " It is cold out today Hans , " she said . He laughed . " Silly Aunt , it is summer . See the tulips , " he waved towards the window with a withered hand , blue splotches showing through the transparent skin . " No dearest , that is snow . " " No Aunty . Tulips only sleep during the night . Don 't you remember when you took me out into the garden at night and we watched the tulips go to sleep . But in the winter time they are awake beneath the snow . " She sighed . It was still cold out and would be until the afternoon , but he would not be kept indoors until then . She nodded and got his cap and coat off the pegs on the wall . He tried to put them on , as she wrapped up some cold biscuits and cheese for their lunch , but he couldn 't remember what to do with the buttons . She buttoned them for him and let him carry the lunch because he begged her to . And they stepped out , a bent old man trying to run ahead of a gray haired old woman , she holding him by the hand and telling him to stay close . They walked across the fields , still covered with snow in some places , despite the warm April rain of the days before . The canals lay on the other side , and beyond them the Zuider Zee , and at the end of that , the dikes and the harbor , the ocean with all the ships that he used to build . A flat bottomed river boat drifted by , and Hans called out to them and waved . " Captain Decker , Captain Decker , it 's me , Hans . " The man in the striped shirt stared and then tried to pretend he couldn 't hear . Hans continued to call , disappointment in his voice . He broke his hand out of Margaret 's and tried to run after the boat for a few feet until he came up short of breath and had to stop , bent over and gasping . He cried and Margaret held him and told him it was all right , but he soon forgot all about it . A patch of tulip buds , breaking out through the snow caught his eye . " Look , Sis , tulips . I 'll pick some for you , pretty Betty . " She was his older sister now and he scampered off to pull the tulips up by the roots and bring them back to her . He insisted on putting them in her hair and teased her about beaux that she never knew . They meandered down the banks of the canals into the village . Margaret pulled the tulip stalks out of her hair before they went in , but he didn 't notice . He liked the town , it was so alive . He ran between the stalls in the busy market , calling merry greetings to long dead friends he fancied he saw . Most of the people were regulars , and they knew him and greeted him back . HansNow he stared out into the dry docks , where men were building ships unfamiliar to him , new ships without sails that burned coal and put out a dreadful smoke . He didn 't speak , but looked very hard as if he was trying to remember , but whatever thoughts and distant dreams that were dancing in his head , they faded and eluded him . She could almost see them like wisps of smoke curling away from his groping mind . But perhaps they were not gone entirely . He took her hand in his and squeezed it with all his feeble strength and said . " Come on , little Meg , I 'll walk you home . No one shall harm you while I 'm around . " " I know they won 't , Hans . I feel safe with you . " She had always used to say that , as she leaned her head against his shoulder , and it had always made him beam with pride and happiness . It still did . " You are safe with me , Meg . Pray God I am always around to keep you so . " He walked with shuffling steps the length of the dock , going still further from the way home , following the streets that they had traveled so many times in their youth . He forgot his fancy before they made it to her father 's old house , and they were now walking through narrow , deserted streets . He seemed no longer able to feel her hand in his and he began to tremble with fear . He hated to be alone . It was the worst when he got lost in his own mind , no longer able to see , hear or feel her . He called out to her , " Margaret , Margaret . " He didn 't hear her answer and kept calling , " Where are you Margaret ? " There was nothing she could do but put her arms around him and hold him until the fit passed . Sure enough , he suddenly forgot about it as if it had never been , the evil of loneliness swallowed up in the childlike purity of his withered mind , like a drop of poison dripped into the ocean . Gone , erased from his memory . Time went on , as they continued to walk , and afternoon found them on the dikes overlooking the sea . The sunsets they had watched from there , the starry skies , the moonrises . She dared not stay long enough to watch another one , and at last he was getting tired , and allowed her to turn him homewards . It was a long walk , but she was not worried . It would do him good , he would sleep well tonight with no pesky dreams to disturb his slumber , and the memories that flooded over her were very strong , very beautiful . It would not hurt to take some time to turn them over in her mind , to thank God for them . She had long ago learned to live without bitterness , not like the first few years of loneliness after the terrible war had taken its toll on his mind and body . She had often thought it would have been easier to be a widow , rather than losing him while he was still alive . It had been especially hard when she was younger , for his mind had gone long before her beauty had faded into its present comfortable grayness . She had learned since then , paHer heart beat fast , and she met his eyes , realizing that he was having one of his rare moments of clarity . " Hans ? " She began to hum through her tears as she dressed him for bed and rolled the covers back . It was an old song , one that had been popular when she was a little girl , but he recognized it as she tucked him in , and he hummed it with her , until his eyelids drooped , and he fell asleep . Margaret brushed two gray hairs away from his forehead , and then with a sigh , she leaned over and softly blew the candle out . Think of God creating the world . He creates it out of love , in a single burst of brilliant self - gift . It bursts out from Him like a shout of joy , like a yell almost ; exuberant , prodigal , mirthful , blinding love . It cannot be contained . It forms everything from nothing , life from non - life , better life from lower life and in a final exultant high note , God creates man , a being who can share that love and give it and receive it . Everything in creation is still pregnant with that love , bursting forth with it , bubbling over with it , alive with it . It meets you in every breath , around every corner , under every rock . It is the impulse of delight , which freely pours itself out as if there were no end , for there is no end . It comes from God . It is too strong to be contained in grim , serious faces . God begs us to play with Him , but in order to do that we have to become like little children . We have to stop taking ourselves seriously but we do that by taking everyone else seriously , and above all by taking God seriously . But not seriously in fear , or duty , but out of love . We delight so much in the others that we forget about ourselves . Completely absorbed in this mirth , we joke . There is no other way to express the depth of our love than to see and delight , and invite others to join in our delight , even in the oddness , the quirkiness , the singularity of the other . Even in the defects . True mirth loves the beloved , defects and all , and makes light of it . " But , what about evil ! " The gloomy ones protest . Indeed , what about it ? In this fallen world evil , ugliness and misery exist all around us . They are intensely unnatural and gloominess is a natural response to that reality . But mirth is a response to it as well , a supernatural response . It moves beyond the recognition of the battle to the acknowledgment of victory , and rejoices , even through its tears . Humility laughs . Mirth , then , is the voice of love saying things too wonderful to be said straight out . It is strong fare , and can be digested only by strong stomachs . Stomachs too used to the soft mush of self - empowering and self - complimenting drivel may not be able to take the truth about themselves , may not be able to take a joke . They lose by this . They are so full of themselves that they cannot receive love in one of its most joyous forms . Mirth is not the same as humor . Humor can only be shared by a thinking being , for humor is the recognition of incongruity . There need be nothing intellectual about mirth . An infant can experience it , when she claps her hands and coos at the antics of her parents . The mentally handicapped can experience it , laughing to see bright colors with perfect unconcern for what others around them think . Even animals can sometimes share in it . Dogs certainly seem to . No great intelligence is needed , only love . Mirth can be shared from the higher to the lower . It can be a bond between people of the greatest possible disparity , between the genius and the idiot , the educated and the ignorant , the adult and the child , those in the prime of life and those senile with age , the saint and the sinner . For God shares His mirth with us . What greater disparity could there be ? In response to this writing challenge on lkjslain 's site , I wrote this poem . I had no idea where I was going with it , I just started it and kept writing down what came to me . Then I liked it so much that I recorded myself reading it : Yesterday I went to Mass before going to work . It was only a weekday Mass , even if it was the feast of the Presentation , so the church was mostly empty . One of the things about this parish that I don 't particularly care for is that at the sign of peace , everyone leaves their pew and walks all over the church to shake hands with everyone . It 's not wrong , as far as I can tell , but it rather distracts from the real focus of the Mass . After all , at this point in the liturgy , the Host is consecrated and Jesus is sacramentally present on the altar . That is the focal point of the entire universe ! It 's not really the time for a social event . However , as I said , I don 't think it is wrong , and I certainly don 't think those who do it mean any disrespect by it so I did what I usually do . I shook hands with and asked God 's peace upon those in my immediate vicinity , and any others who wandered over from other parts of the church , and then turned back to the altar to get back to the Mass . Upon turning back , however , I saw someone moving towards me from the front of the church . She was a largish lady , in her fifties I would guess , with a look of intense focus on her round face . She had me in her sights , so I prepared to shake hands with her as well , but as she bore down on me ( she had to cover enough ground that I had time to size her up ) her arms stretched out wide . My thoughts were not coherent , but they could be translated , " That looks like … but no it couldn 't be … but it really … no … " She was close enough to be breaking the comfort zone , you know that little personal bubble area in front of you where someone is just too close for conversational purposes ? As she broke it I retreated half a step back into my pew , and held out my hand , mumbling something stunned and lame under my breath . I didn 't register her reaction , except that she shook and walked back to the front of the church . In retrospect , I suppose it might have embarrassed her a bit to be so obviously rejected . She 's fortunate I didn 't have time to collect my thoughts or I would have just said " No " in the driest , most end - of - story tone I could muster . No doubt many would consider my reaction rude enough as it was . I wish I knew how she viewed it , since at the moment she represented a mindset almost entirely alien to me and I would like to understand it better . Since I couldn 't figure out her reaction , I spent part of my drive into post this morning trying to analyze mine . I was surprised , not only by her action , but by the fierceness and strength of my reaction . It took a while for me to bring my thoughts back into the realm of charity . You see , I hate being hugged upon by strangers . I don 't even like having my space invaded ( with some exceptions ) , and my initial reaction is always defensive , but when someone I don 't know tries to hug me ( it happens very rarely ) my first instinct is to shove them back , create some space , and just say " Whoah , hold on . Back off , I don 't know you . " She obviously had no such reservations , and I had to question my reaction . After all , she just wanted a hug , right ? Aren 't we supposed to love one another ? Well , that wasn 't a very loving thing to do , now was it ? Isn 't that what the sign of peace is all about , showing the love of Jesus ? Doesn 't Saint Paul tell us to greet each other with a holy kiss ? I suppose she must have decided I just didn 't like hugs or something , and it was this supposition that gave me an insight into why my reaction is always so strong . You see the fact is I actually don 't hate hugs . I love them in fact . I hug the heck ( literally ) out of people I know well , family and really close friends . In going through the list I realized that there are people that I love well enough to take a bullet for , but I would never hug . Most of my patients have been like that . Even that lady in the church , I certainly wouldn 't say I didn 't want to have some charity for her . But a hug is still unthinkable , even repulsive . It isn 't the person that repulses me , but the act of hugging someone I don 't know . And right there is the crux of the matter . There are some people who say that a hug or a kiss is a statement of love , and therefore to be expected between Christians united in the Love of Jesus . After all , you don 't have to know the person to know that Jesus loves them . Very true , and yet that doesn 't call forth the hugging instinct in me . To me , hugging is not so much the language of love , as a language of intimacy , to one degree or another . Love may be possible without knowing the person . Intimacy is not . Charity is guaranteed , or should be , simply on the basis of the shared love of God . One of the results of charity is that it should encourage us to seek to know the people that God loves so much , but it does not change the fact that we are human . We don 't know people right away . It takes time and patience to get to know a person , and this " knowledge " is not simply awareness of facts about that person . It is a matter of trust , a mI guess this is just one symptom of my overall critique of our culture 's approach to social interaction . We tend to be so very friendly and open and " frank " and we tell people just exactly what is going on in our minds . Our heartbreaks are emblazoned on the shifting sands of our facebook walls , there to be pawed over by the crowds for the few hours or minutes or seconds it takes to work its way to the bottom of the feed . Our every thought , emotion , action , and relationship must be dragged out into the cyber streets and vivisected . And what of those thoughts so casually thrown around on twitter ? Did that thought even have time to grow up before I stuck it out there ? What happens when you put the hops in the still , and then pour out the juice before it has time to ferment , let alone age ? Can we even think for more than 140 characters at one time anymore ? I applaud the willingness we have to lay our cards out . The ability to be vulnerable is a prerequisite for relationship , but I wonder . Do we really gain anything by it ? Have we increased the breadth of our attachments , but sacrificed the depths ? If you try to be intimate with everyone , you end up losing the ability to be truly intimate with anyone . That seems to me something too precious to give up . |
Once Upon a Time , I wanted to do a project . It was Christmas and I was going home on leave , but I wanted to do some kind of cool thing . I also had a cousin that I hadn 't gotten anything for , and as I am her confirmation sponsor , I thought it ought to be something that some thought and effort went into . So I thought to myself , " Why not make a box ? How hard could it be , right ? " Accordingly I bought some lumber . The original idea was to make the thing out of cedar , but the cedar wood at the hardware store was kind of cheap and grainy looking . The red oak , however , was smooth and crisp , hard and solid . It had a weight and smell to it that spoke to me , and as for the feel ? Well , I 'm a pretty tactile person , so I do not exaggerate when I say that I fell in love with the feel of it . So it was a match . I bought the wood and lugged it upstairs to the woodshop in the top of the shop . Conscious of safety at all times , I ensured I had emergency medical equipment on hand in case of an emergency involving power tools . Also , on a job like this it is critical that you keep your strength up . Running the risk of passing out from hunger while operating powertools is simply irresponsible . So I made sure I was provisioned up . Then I ate my provisions in the first two minutes . Several more supply runs had to be made throughout the duration . A man 's gotta do what a man 's gotta do , you know ? And repeated a few doxen times , and voila ! ( That 's French for , " It 's not as easy as it looks , and there were some setbacks and a steep learning curve , but I managed to do it anyway , and decided to put it in montage format to condense the story - telling . " That 's really what voila means . ) I decided to use a combination of glue and mechanical fasteners ( dowel rod pins in holes in the planks . ) The forms I built to keep the holes consistent weren 't perfect so there was a little error . Some of the seams were really good , others were horrible . A little bit of sanding with a belt sander fixed that , but whenever I set up my own workshop , I think I 'll probably use a disk sander instead . Once I got the holes drilled and was ready to pin the sides and bottom together I had to build frames so that I could clamp them . Otherwise there is too much gap and the seam ends up ugly with lots of glue bulging out . They still ended up like that . More sanding . Once all the sections were set and sanded I had to put them together . The corners were all cut at a 45 degree bevel but I only had two large clamps . I tried using kettlebells to weigh it down , but they didn 't put anywhere near enough pressure on it . So I used slats of wood , ratchet straps , and twine to jury rig 24 separate clamps , one for each corner and direction . It looked crazy but it worked . If i ever really get into woodworking I 'll need a bunch of those long clamps . I took a break over Christmas day to enjoy the day . I sauted up this mushroom dish , which turned out to be really good . I don 't know why the picture ended up on it 's side though . It isn 't on it 's side in the folder I uploaded it from . Oh well . It 's probably gremlins . If you 're using a laptop I suggest you turn that on its side for optimal viewing . If you are using a desktop you could probably turn the monitor on its side , but lying sideways on the desk might be easier . While you 're doing that I 'll jot down the recipe as closely as I remember it . 1 thing of shittake mushrooms . First you heat the pan with olive oil just covering the bottom , and toss in the shittakes . Mince up 5 - 6 cloves of garlic and add them . Three or four heaping spoonfuls each of basil and oregano , and couple of tsps or tbsps ( whichever is smaller ) of ground rosemary . Then the oyster mushrooms ( the shittakes should be getting rubbery by now if you 've been adding things quickly . Throw in a bunch of thyme and sage and keep stirring . The heat should be on the lower side of medium by now . The baby bellas go in next , and the whites can go in shortly after . Now I would keep stirring for a while , but you 're going to need to add salt ( and I like just hint of pepper as well ) so you 'll just have to keep adding , stirring and tasting unti it is just the right amount . You want it to bring out the flavor of everything else , not take over . When its done you should eat it while it is still hot . It probably wouldn 't be good leftover . You can tell I was wearing the headphones while I used the belt sander . My entire head is covered with sawdust , except for the one strip right across the middle . If it looks like my mouth is hanging open it 's because I 'm singing along to some L ' Angelus . The varnishing was the hardest part . The darn stuff wouldn 't set . It 's supposed to be applied in temperatures between 50 and 90 degrees farenheit , but the weather took a turn for the arctic . It hardly got above ten degrees I think , that whole week , so I had to keep the stove going in the shop constantly . As you can see , the shop isn 't fully weatherproofed yet ( my brother is working on it . ) The warmest place was at the top of the stairs with the trapdoor to the upstairs shut . So that 's where I stashed the pieces while they were drying . That was a tricky bit of work , trying to move heavy pieces , wet with fresh varnish , without smudging them or dragging them through the dust . It worked , sort of . Layn wanted to do a project . Archie and the cat . " Dude , it is too dang cold out . How about a truce . I won 't tell if you won 't . " This evening , after I finished my kickboxing routine , I decided to go out and enjoy a little kettlebelling before I was done for the night . Accordingly I went out to the truck , unstrapped the 44kg kettlebell I keep in the back of it , and started doing swings . My goal was 20 sets of 10 , although I got a little froggy in the middle of the workout and threw in two sets of twenty ( took the frogginess right out of me . ) As I was nearing the end of my workout a little boy came out of one of the nearby apartments . He was small enough to be about seven , but spoke well enough to be about ten , so I 'm not sure how old he was . He was wearing black jeans and a black coat and carrying a power - ranger 's sword and I 'd seen him running around the complex with other kids before . This time he walked right up to me , bold as brass , and said , point blank , " Are you strong ? " I chuckled ( under my breath ) and said , " Strong enough to lift this thing . " I nudged the kettlebell with my toe . The young feller looked down at the ugly chunk of metal and strode over to it with a swagger practically oozing testosterone . He seized the iron handle in his two small but mighty hands ( they didn 't even come close to wrapping all the way around ) and heaved . He heaved with vigor . He heaved with vim . The kettlebell scraped on the sidewalk as it slid a little , but it weighed , I would guess , roughly twice what he did . He let go with a gasp , " Whoa ! That 's heavy ! " I laughed a little bit , not in an unkind way , but he wasn 't finished yet . He manfully stepped back up to the plate , as it were , and once again gripped the iron beast with determined mitts . He pulled and pulled and pulled , and this time managed to tip it a little to one side . " Don 't hurt yourself , " I said , momentarily falling into my obligatory role as responsible adult . He let go , huffing and puffing . " You 're a bit small for that , kiddo , " I told him , sympathetically . " You 'll have to grow into it . " But he ignored my condescending remark with righteous scorn , and undaunted , seized hold of his enemy one more time . His face was focused , his miniscule fingers were clenched , his every fiber rocked with masculinity . Mighty was the struggle ! He tipped it , he tilted it , he rolled it , and dragged it , but still one stubborn corner would not come off the ground . With a final , all - or - nothing effort , he pulled it on top of his bootlace ( which was completely untied ) and let go of it . " Whoosh , " he said . " I almost got it . " " Yeah you did , " I agreed , because he had . He turned to walk away , but it was the kettlebell 's turn now , and it yanked back on his bootlace and would not let go . " What the … " He exclaimed , glaring at his nemesis . I lifted it up so he could run away , calling over his shoulder , " I almost got it ! " A few minutes later he came running back out of his apartment . This time he had added a hood and some sort of face wrap , transforming his coat into a ninja suit . He was tearing across the yard for all he was worth , but he spared enough breath as he went by to say , " Sorry , buddy , but I got to go . See you . " And he was gone . Margaret awoke while it was still dark . Hans had coughed , and his wheezing breaths had paused , then stopped for too long and it had awakened her . He was breathing again now , and she allowed herself to relax . It wouldn 't be long now , she knew . He could not hang on much longer , and it was better so . She reminded herself vehemently that it was better so , and looked over at the clock . Her vision was not what it once had been , but she could just make out by the light of the embers on the hearth that both hands were pointing nearly straight down and just a little to the left of the six . It was about six - thirty . She sighed and slowly eased her old feet onto the floor , finding her old worn slippers . Then she knelt painfully for her morning prayers , letting Hans sleep as she always did these days . There was work to be done and no one to help her with it so she prayed quickly , sure that the Lord would understand . The chickens needed to be let out into the yard and fed , the eggs needed to be gathered , the fire needed to be built up both on the hearth and in the stove , the dog , an ancient German shepherd named Fala , needed to be shooed up from her bed in front of the hearth and sent outdoors . By the time Margaret had breakfast heating on the stove the sun was up and she could see the mills swirling through the frosty air in the distance , on the other side of the canals . If it warmed up enough they would walk along the river for awhile , if he felt strong enough . Hans was awake , sitting on the edge of the bed , his thinning , tousled hair looking like straw in the shafts of sunlight from the barred window . His eyes were curious today . He didn 't know where he was , or who he was . In some ways that was better . On the days that his mind was blank he was easier to deal with , more pliant . Other times , when he fancied he was a little boy again he ran everywhere as fast as his old limbs would take him and she could never keep up . The few and far between times when he knew things were the most painful . Then he would reproach himself and beg her pardon for being such a burden all these years . Today he was a blank slate . Perhaps she would teach him his alphabet , later . For now she had to feed and bathe and dress him . He liked the food today , sometimes he didn 't . The eggs and biscuits were warm and done perfectly , she still cooked as well as she ever had . He didn 't want to bathe at first , until she convinced him , mostly by signs and gestures and the reassuring tone of her voice , that the water was warm and nice and wouldn 't hurt him . Then she dressed him like a large baby in his old , old shirt and overalls , and the wooden shoes that no one ever wore anymore . She dressed him just like the children that they had never had , and in many ways he was very much her child . The innocence and trust of an infant looked out from his china blue eyes , or sometimes the petulance and weepiness of a two - year old , or the playfulness of a schoolboy . She started . He was a child again , and in this particular fantasy he thought she was his long dead aunt . " Yes , Hans , " she answered . " Of course he does my love , " she said . His eyes were the eyes of a little child , out of place in his gray stubbly face . There were only a few days in the month in which she could shave him without danger of him moving suddenly and cutting himself . He rocked back and forth and bounced a little , a potbelly he had never had as a boy jiggling as he did so . " Can we go see him , Aunt ? I want to wave him by . " " It is cold out today Hans , " she said . He laughed . " Silly Aunt , it is summer . See the tulips , " he waved towards the window with a withered hand , blue splotches showing through the transparent skin . " No dearest , that is snow . " " No Aunty . Tulips only sleep during the night . Don 't you remember when you took me out into the garden at night and we watched the tulips go to sleep . But in the winter time they are awake beneath the snow . " She sighed . It was still cold out and would be until the afternoon , but he would not be kept indoors until then . She nodded and got his cap and coat off the pegs on the wall . He tried to put them on , as she wrapped up some cold biscuits and cheese for their lunch , but he couldn 't remember what to do with the buttons . She buttoned them for him and let him carry the lunch because he begged her to . And they stepped out , a bent old man trying to run ahead of a gray haired old woman , she holding him by the hand and telling him to stay close . They walked across the fields , still covered with snow in some places , despite the warm April rain of the days before . The canals lay on the other side , and beyond them the Zuider Zee , and at the end of that , the dikes and the harbor , the ocean with all the ships that he used to build . A flat bottomed river boat drifted by , and Hans called out to them and waved . " Captain Decker , Captain Decker , it 's me , Hans . " The man in the striped shirt stared and then tried to pretend he couldn 't hear . Hans continued to call , disappointment in his voice . He broke his hand out of Margaret 's and tried to run after the boat for a few feet until he came up short of breath and had to stop , bent over and gasping . He cried and Margaret held him and told him it was all right , but he soon forgot all about it . A patch of tulip buds , breaking out through the snow caught his eye . " Look , Sis , tulips . I 'll pick some for you , pretty Betty . " She was his older sister now and he scampered off to pull the tulips up by the roots and bring them back to her . He insisted on putting them in her hair and teased her about beaux that she never knew . They meandered down the banks of the canals into the village . Margaret pulled the tulip stalks out of her hair before they went in , but he didn 't notice . He liked the town , it was so alive . He ran between the stalls in the busy market , calling merry greetings to long dead friends he fancied he saw . Most of the people were regulars , and they knew him and greeted him back . HansNow he stared out into the dry docks , where men were building ships unfamiliar to him , new ships without sails that burned coal and put out a dreadful smoke . He didn 't speak , but looked very hard as if he was trying to remember , but whatever thoughts and distant dreams that were dancing in his head , they faded and eluded him . She could almost see them like wisps of smoke curling away from his groping mind . But perhaps they were not gone entirely . He took her hand in his and squeezed it with all his feeble strength and said . " Come on , little Meg , I 'll walk you home . No one shall harm you while I 'm around . " " I know they won 't , Hans . I feel safe with you . " She had always used to say that , as she leaned her head against his shoulder , and it had always made him beam with pride and happiness . It still did . " You are safe with me , Meg . Pray God I am always around to keep you so . " He walked with shuffling steps the length of the dock , going still further from the way home , following the streets that they had traveled so many times in their youth . He forgot his fancy before they made it to her father 's old house , and they were now walking through narrow , deserted streets . He seemed no longer able to feel her hand in his and he began to tremble with fear . He hated to be alone . It was the worst when he got lost in his own mind , no longer able to see , hear or feel her . He called out to her , " Margaret , Margaret . " He didn 't hear her answer and kept calling , " Where are you Margaret ? " There was nothing she could do but put her arms around him and hold him until the fit passed . Sure enough , he suddenly forgot about it as if it had never been , the evil of loneliness swallowed up in the childlike purity of his withered mind , like a drop of poison dripped into the ocean . Gone , erased from his memory . Time went on , as they continued to walk , and afternoon found them on the dikes overlooking the sea . The sunsets they had watched from there , the starry skies , the moonrises . She dared not stay long enough to watch another one , and at last he was getting tired , and allowed her to turn him homewards . It was a long walk , but she was not worried . It would do him good , he would sleep well tonight with no pesky dreams to disturb his slumber , and the memories that flooded over her were very strong , very beautiful . It would not hurt to take some time to turn them over in her mind , to thank God for them . She had long ago learned to live without bitterness , not like the first few years of loneliness after the terrible war had taken its toll on his mind and body . She had often thought it would have been easier to be a widow , rather than losing him while he was still alive . It had been especially hard when she was younger , for his mind had gone long before her beauty had faded into its present comfortable grayness . She had learned since then , paHer heart beat fast , and she met his eyes , realizing that he was having one of his rare moments of clarity . " Hans ? " She began to hum through her tears as she dressed him for bed and rolled the covers back . It was an old song , one that had been popular when she was a little girl , but he recognized it as she tucked him in , and he hummed it with her , until his eyelids drooped , and he fell asleep . Margaret brushed two gray hairs away from his forehead , and then with a sigh , she leaned over and softly blew the candle out . Think of God creating the world . He creates it out of love , in a single burst of brilliant self - gift . It bursts out from Him like a shout of joy , like a yell almost ; exuberant , prodigal , mirthful , blinding love . It cannot be contained . It forms everything from nothing , life from non - life , better life from lower life and in a final exultant high note , God creates man , a being who can share that love and give it and receive it . Everything in creation is still pregnant with that love , bursting forth with it , bubbling over with it , alive with it . It meets you in every breath , around every corner , under every rock . It is the impulse of delight , which freely pours itself out as if there were no end , for there is no end . It comes from God . It is too strong to be contained in grim , serious faces . God begs us to play with Him , but in order to do that we have to become like little children . We have to stop taking ourselves seriously but we do that by taking everyone else seriously , and above all by taking God seriously . But not seriously in fear , or duty , but out of love . We delight so much in the others that we forget about ourselves . Completely absorbed in this mirth , we joke . There is no other way to express the depth of our love than to see and delight , and invite others to join in our delight , even in the oddness , the quirkiness , the singularity of the other . Even in the defects . True mirth loves the beloved , defects and all , and makes light of it . " But , what about evil ! " The gloomy ones protest . Indeed , what about it ? In this fallen world evil , ugliness and misery exist all around us . They are intensely unnatural and gloominess is a natural response to that reality . But mirth is a response to it as well , a supernatural response . It moves beyond the recognition of the battle to the acknowledgment of victory , and rejoices , even through its tears . Humility laughs . Mirth , then , is the voice of love saying things too wonderful to be said straight out . It is strong fare , and can be digested only by strong stomachs . Stomachs too used to the soft mush of self - empowering and self - complimenting drivel may not be able to take the truth about themselves , may not be able to take a joke . They lose by this . They are so full of themselves that they cannot receive love in one of its most joyous forms . Mirth is not the same as humor . Humor can only be shared by a thinking being , for humor is the recognition of incongruity . There need be nothing intellectual about mirth . An infant can experience it , when she claps her hands and coos at the antics of her parents . The mentally handicapped can experience it , laughing to see bright colors with perfect unconcern for what others around them think . Even animals can sometimes share in it . Dogs certainly seem to . No great intelligence is needed , only love . Mirth can be shared from the higher to the lower . It can be a bond between people of the greatest possible disparity , between the genius and the idiot , the educated and the ignorant , the adult and the child , those in the prime of life and those senile with age , the saint and the sinner . For God shares His mirth with us . What greater disparity could there be ? In response to this writing challenge on lkjslain 's site , I wrote this poem . I had no idea where I was going with it , I just started it and kept writing down what came to me . Then I liked it so much that I recorded myself reading it : Yesterday I went to Mass before going to work . It was only a weekday Mass , even if it was the feast of the Presentation , so the church was mostly empty . One of the things about this parish that I don 't particularly care for is that at the sign of peace , everyone leaves their pew and walks all over the church to shake hands with everyone . It 's not wrong , as far as I can tell , but it rather distracts from the real focus of the Mass . After all , at this point in the liturgy , the Host is consecrated and Jesus is sacramentally present on the altar . That is the focal point of the entire universe ! It 's not really the time for a social event . However , as I said , I don 't think it is wrong , and I certainly don 't think those who do it mean any disrespect by it so I did what I usually do . I shook hands with and asked God 's peace upon those in my immediate vicinity , and any others who wandered over from other parts of the church , and then turned back to the altar to get back to the Mass . Upon turning back , however , I saw someone moving towards me from the front of the church . She was a largish lady , in her fifties I would guess , with a look of intense focus on her round face . She had me in her sights , so I prepared to shake hands with her as well , but as she bore down on me ( she had to cover enough ground that I had time to size her up ) her arms stretched out wide . My thoughts were not coherent , but they could be translated , " That looks like … but no it couldn 't be … but it really … no … " She was close enough to be breaking the comfort zone , you know that little personal bubble area in front of you where someone is just too close for conversational purposes ? As she broke it I retreated half a step back into my pew , and held out my hand , mumbling something stunned and lame under my breath . I didn 't register her reaction , except that she shook and walked back to the front of the church . In retrospect , I suppose it might have embarrassed her a bit to be so obviously rejected . She 's fortunate I didn 't have time to collect my thoughts or I would have just said " No " in the driest , most end - of - story tone I could muster . No doubt many would consider my reaction rude enough as it was . I wish I knew how she viewed it , since at the moment she represented a mindset almost entirely alien to me and I would like to understand it better . Since I couldn 't figure out her reaction , I spent part of my drive into post this morning trying to analyze mine . I was surprised , not only by her action , but by the fierceness and strength of my reaction . It took a while for me to bring my thoughts back into the realm of charity . You see , I hate being hugged upon by strangers . I don 't even like having my space invaded ( with some exceptions ) , and my initial reaction is always defensive , but when someone I don 't know tries to hug me ( it happens very rarely ) my first instinct is to shove them back , create some space , and just say " Whoah , hold on . Back off , I don 't know you . " She obviously had no such reservations , and I had to question my reaction . After all , she just wanted a hug , right ? Aren 't we supposed to love one another ? Well , that wasn 't a very loving thing to do , now was it ? Isn 't that what the sign of peace is all about , showing the love of Jesus ? Doesn 't Saint Paul tell us to greet each other with a holy kiss ? I suppose she must have decided I just didn 't like hugs or something , and it was this supposition that gave me an insight into why my reaction is always so strong . You see the fact is I actually don 't hate hugs . I love them in fact . I hug the heck ( literally ) out of people I know well , family and really close friends . In going through the list I realized that there are people that I love well enough to take a bullet for , but I would never hug . Most of my patients have been like that . Even that lady in the church , I certainly wouldn 't say I didn 't want to have some charity for her . But a hug is still unthinkable , even repulsive . It isn 't the person that repulses me , but the act of hugging someone I don 't know . And right there is the crux of the matter . There are some people who say that a hug or a kiss is a statement of love , and therefore to be expected between Christians united in the Love of Jesus . After all , you don 't have to know the person to know that Jesus loves them . Very true , and yet that doesn 't call forth the hugging instinct in me . To me , hugging is not so much the language of love , as a language of intimacy , to one degree or another . Love may be possible without knowing the person . Intimacy is not . Charity is guaranteed , or should be , simply on the basis of the shared love of God . One of the results of charity is that it should encourage us to seek to know the people that God loves so much , but it does not change the fact that we are human . We don 't know people right away . It takes time and patience to get to know a person , and this " knowledge " is not simply awareness of facts about that person . It is a matter of trust , a mI guess this is just one symptom of my overall critique of our culture 's approach to social interaction . We tend to be so very friendly and open and " frank " and we tell people just exactly what is going on in our minds . Our heartbreaks are emblazoned on the shifting sands of our facebook walls , there to be pawed over by the crowds for the few hours or minutes or seconds it takes to work its way to the bottom of the feed . Our every thought , emotion , action , and relationship must be dragged out into the cyber streets and vivisected . And what of those thoughts so casually thrown around on twitter ? Did that thought even have time to grow up before I stuck it out there ? What happens when you put the hops in the still , and then pour out the juice before it has time to ferment , let alone age ? Can we even think for more than 140 characters at one time anymore ? I applaud the willingness we have to lay our cards out . The ability to be vulnerable is a prerequisite for relationship , but I wonder . Do we really gain anything by it ? Have we increased the breadth of our attachments , but sacrificed the depths ? If you try to be intimate with everyone , you end up losing the ability to be truly intimate with anyone . That seems to me something too precious to give up . |
< a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / works / 389427 " >< strong > It 's Not the Size of the Boat ( It 's the Motion of the Ocean ) < / strong >< / a > ( 23495 words ) by < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / users / someidiothasice " >< strong > someidiothasice < / strong >< / a >< br / > Chapters : 1 / 1 < br / > Fandom : < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / tags / The % 20Avengers % 20 ( 2012 ) " > The Avengers ( 2012 ) < / a >< br / > Rating : Teen And Up Audiences < br / > Warnings : Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings < br / > Relationships : Steve Rogers / Tony Stark < br / > Characters : Steve Rogers , Tony Stark , Thor , Loki , Natasha Romanov , Clint Barton , Bruce Banner , Agent Coulson , Nick Fury , Dr . Faustus , Pepper Potts < br / > Additional Tags : Loki causes trouble , Wee ! Steve , Cap _ Ironman Reverse Bang Challenge < br / > Summary : < p > " This isn 't a bad thing . " < / p >< p > Steve gaped at Tony . He deliberately looked down at his once - again scrawny body and back up at him . " Look at me . Loki turned me back into a weakling . With asthma . There is no way that Fury will ever let me be Captain America again . Not like this . And that was the last thing from my past that I had to hold onto . How can this possibly not be a bad thing ? " < / p > " This isn 't a bad thing . " Steve gaped at Tony . He deliberately looked down at his once - again scrawny body and back up at him . " Look at me . Loki turned me back into a weakling . With asthma . There is no way that Fury will ever let me be Captain America again . Not like this . And that was the last thing from my past that I had to hold onto . How can this possibly not be a bad thing ? " Written for the Cap / Ironman Reversebang Challenge , which has been an absolute blast . When it wasn 't giving me anxiety attacks . Art by the incredible Lynn , who was amazing enough to do more than one piece . Please don 't forget to tell her how awesome her stuff is . " So , Steve . Could you tell me how this started ? " Steve frowned . He was sure that Dr . Faustus had his file , had probably read it back to front , so he must 've known the circumstances that surrounded Steve 's transformation . Tony made sure that he knew , actually . Steve had thought he was coming to SHIELD for a different kind of visit entirely before he ran into Tony on his way out of the mansion and Tony had wished him luck on his psych eval . When Steve looked surprised , because Director Fury hadn 't mentioned that at all , Tony had blinked at him owlishly before he said something about Fury wanting to make sure that Captain America was okay with being " small and fey again " and that Steve wasn 't going to jump off the top of the tower at any given moment . Steve knew that Fury was just being practical . It was what any commander would do for a soldier who had been through ' traumatic events ' such as this . Still , it pissed him off a little bit that Fury thought he had to lie to him , even if it was only a lie of omission . Did he think that Steve wouldn 't be able to handle it ? Was this how people would always view him from now on ? " Well , as you know Loki has been a rather unfortunate recurrence in our lives the past several months . . . " " Brother ! Desist this childish behaviour immediately ! " Thor 's voice boomed from the sky and Steve looked up to catch Loki grin up at his brother evilly and raise a hand , which was crackling with brilliant green energy . He ran forward , getting enough momentum to jump up and land on the side of an overturned bus . " Loki ! " Steve shouted , trying to catch his attention and give Thor some time . " Under the authority given to me by the United States Army you are under - - " Loki 's head whipped around and the next thing Steve knew he was on his back in the middle of the street and everything was quiet . " . . . eve ? Steve ! Can you hear me ? " " He 's down for the count , I think . " " Well , don 't poke him . Or slap him either , jesus . The guy was just knocked off a bus ! " " I can 't believe he 's so tiny . Is this what he looked like before ? " " You did read the files Fury gave you , right ? They 're not just acting as the world 's most ineffective doorstop ? " " Pipe down , you two . The last thing he needs is to wake up to your bickering on top of what 's happened to him . " The voices were familiar but they sounded far off , as though he was underwater . As Steve tried to open his eyes the rest of his body woke up and throbbed . He groaned . " He 's coming around , give him some - - Stark ! " Warm hands cradled his face gently and Steve 's eyes fluttered open . He looked up and instantly squeezed his eyes shut again . The sun was still high in the sky so he couldn 't have been out that long . " Steve ? Can you hear me ? " Steve opened his eyes a crack and , blurry as his vision was , he recognized the building above him as the bank on 37th street . Right , there was - - a fight ? A face swam into view and it looked familiar . " Howard ? " " Oh , you 've got to be kidding me . " The hands let go of him and he immediately missed them . " Steve , are you okay ? " A different face , red hair and large eyes , appeared above him . Natasha , his brain supplied for him . Right , he was in the future . Where everybody carried portable telephones and hamburgers cost upwards of eight dollars apiece . And he was working on a team No no no . Please god , not this . Not again . " Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on ? " Clint looked away . Natasha stared at him , a pitying look on her face . Iron Man 's faceplate was , as always , unreadable , but still turned towards him . Steve couldn 't tell if he was looking at him or not , because that damn faceplate was still down . He took a step towards Tony and his knees buckled under him . In a flash Iron Man was there , one hard metal arm around his waist supporting him . He was much , much taller than Steve remembered him . " Steve ? It 's okay , it 'll be - - Steve ! " Tony flipped the faceplate up and the last thing Steve saw before he passed out was the concern lining Tony 's brow . Well , Steve thought as his eyes flickered shut . It 's nice to know he actually cares . " And later , when you woke up the second time you argued with the doctors and Director Fury and then you threw a mug at the wall . " Dr . Faustus 's voice was bland , very much like the man himself . He seemed to have no emotion at all , but there was something about the way his eyes watched Steve that set his nerves on end . " Well , I was kind of pissed off . " Steve could feel his face heat up in embarrassment . He might 've been a little irrational at the time . " So much has happened to me in what feels like such a short time . It 's been over a year now since I woke up and so far we managed to fill it with a scarily large number of supervillains . The bad guys got pretty creative while I was sleeping . " " The human race sure is plucky . " Dr . Faustus quirked an eyebrow and the corner of his lip curled for a split second . Steve blinked in surprise but it was gone as quickly as it came . " Are you still upset ? " " Of course I 'm upset , " Steve snapped , then he paused . He was trying to get over it , he really was . Only people kept walking on eggshells around him , kept giving him those concerned looks and pitying glances , and if one more person asked how he was coping he would do something stupid like try to punch them . He closed his eyes and took a deep breath . When he opened them Dr . Faustus was staring at him intently . " I feel like I was violated , " Steve confessed . Dr . Faustus hummed and jotted something down on his notepad , giving Steve the tiniest bit of relief . He somehow felt better when those piercing eyes weren 't on him . " The first time this happened to me I was well aware of what was going on . I knew that there would be something done to me , that I might not even survive the process , but I still gave my consent . This . . . " Steve trailed off and waved a hand down at his body . " This is very much not the same thing . " " Let 's talk about your first week . " Dr . Fausted shifted a few things around on his desk and pulled up a piece of paper that he squinted at . " Agent Romanov reported that you spent most of the first few days locked up in your roomSteve pulled his pillow over his head , hoping it might help blot out the world . The damned knocking continued . Steve let out an annoyed grunt and threw the pillow to the floor . He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed , glaring down at his feet . They were always bigger than he thought they should be . The summer he turned fourteen they suddenly grew three sizes and he remembered hating every time he had to tell his mother . She would always card a gentle hand through his hair and tell him not to worry , baby , it 's going to be okay . But then at night he would catch her rooting through her jewelry box for something that might fetch a price at the pawn shop , just enough to buy him a new pair of shoes . Steve never said anything , he could never bear to , but those nights he would lay awake in his bed and listen to her quiet crying through the thin walls of their apartment and fist the bedsheets in frustration . When he became Captain America , when Erskine 's formula had transformed him into what the rest of the world triumphantly called the ' peak of human perfection ' there was a part of him that dreaded looking down at his feet , because then he would remember every time he had to curl his long toes in his shoes just so they would fit and now that everything had gotten bigger , surely they had as well . Then he remembered that the army was providing for him , now . They would give him boots that fit if his old ones didn 't anymore , new ones even . Ones that three others hadn 't already walked in with the soles worn down . " Steve ! Steve , let me in . " Steve had been avoiding Tony ever since he 'd made that crack when medical cleared him . He realized , now , that Tony had been trying to lighten the situation , but at the time Steve had been angry and confused and , honestly , just a little afraid . But Tony had been knocking at his door for three minutes straight now . Steve shifted his glare from his feet to the door . " JARVIS , " he called out quietly . " Yes , sir ? " The disembodied voice answered smoothly and immediately . It had unnerved him " They didn 't keep Tony overnight , though , so I guess he was being honest for once . " Steve shrugged and scratched at his wrist . " It 's so hard to tell when he 's being serious . He 's a lot like his father in that regard . Still , I can 't be sure it wasn 't just a plot to get me out of my room . " " Does Tony do that a lot ? " When Steve blinked at him Dr . Faustus gave Steve a wan smile . " Pull you out of your own head , I mean . " " I guess , " Steve said , shifting . " He 's one of the few people I feel like I can talk to right now . " " How so ? Are you not close with the rest of the Avengers ? " " No , no . I am . The rest of the team is . . . Well , they 're great . They 've been very supportive . " Steve felt the tiniest bit uncomfortable talking about them , especially to a SHIELD - issue therapist who would undoubtedly report everything Steve said back to Director Fury , but that was what this whole thing was about , wasn 't it ? " It 's just that Tony doesn 't treat me any different . Mostly . " " Mostly ? " " I 'm still just a dumb kid from another time to him . Whether or not I have muscles doesn 't seem to matter when he 's telling me off for touching his coffee machine thing . " Steve missed his reflexes the most , probably . He didn 't mind not having the same strength anymore , not when Thor was around to open pickle jars . His height was one of the things he 'd been saddest about , because it sucked having to climb up on a chair anytime he needed to reach something high . But it was his reflexes and agility that he missed most . With those he might not have dropped the glass pot or the bag of grounds in his hand when Tony 's outraged " What are you doing ? ! " filled the kitchen , making Steve jump a good foot in the air and clutch at his chest . " Making coffee , " Steve mumbled once he caught his breath . He looked down at the mess on the floor and grimaced . He turned around and began rooting through the cabinets under the counter , looking for the dustpan . " Or trying to . Your machine has a lot more buttons than the ones at SHIELD . " " That 's because it 's about a thousand times better than - - wait , what , stop that . " Tony let out a sound of frustration and took the handheld broom and the large shard of glass Steve held in his hands . " Let go , you 're going to get glass in your eyes or something and then Fury will never let you out of Coulson 's sight and then I 'll end up drooling on the carpet while he watches bad tv . " " I can do it , " Steve ground out between clenched teeth . " I have swept before , Tony . " Tony blew his breath out in a huff and dropped the dustpan . " Fine . Just promise you won 't destroy another eighty bucks ' worth of my coffee and / or try to work the complicated machinery that you undoubtedly find a coffee maker again , and we 'll be square . " Steve took the pan back and somehow , within thirty seconds of Steve proving he wasn 't an idiot and could manage basic menial tasks , he managed to get a few grounds in his eye . " Ow ! Oh , damn . " Through his good eye he could see Tony rolling his eyes towards the ceiling before his face filled Steve 's vision . " What 'd I say ? " Tony murmured , grumpy . His hands , though , were gentle on Steve 's face as he tilted it . " This is just like you . You 're like a puppy I have to keep my eye " But it 's only been a couple of weeks . I 'm sure this will get sorted somehow . " Steve gave Dr . Faustus a bright grin and wilted a little when he got a blank stare in return . " And if it doesn 't ? " Steve swallowed hard . " It will , I 'm sure of it . " He shrugged and picked at the seam of his trousers . " And if it doesn 't , I can live with that . I 've lived in this body for most of my natural , unfrozen life . " Steve tried a little laugh and was pleased when it sounded convincing enough to his ears . " I did it before . I can do it again . " " That 's the spirit . " Dr . Faustus scribbled something down onto his legal pad . Then he placed his pen down and stared at him . " The director would like for you to come see me once a week as long as you remain altered . Would Thursdays be okay with you ? " " Yeah , sure . Thursday 's great . " Steve watched as Dr . Faustus gathered some papers together and attached them to each other with a paper clip before he stuck them in a folder . " Is that it ? " " For today . " Dr . Faustus stood and walked around his desk to shake Steve 's hand . " I 'll see you next week , Captain . " When Steve shut the door behind him he took two steps before he was jumping in the air again , clutching at his chest . " Cap ! " Clint stepped away from his lean against the wall and didn 't look at all ashamed of how he nearly gave Steve a heart attack . " You all wrapped up here , big guy ? " Steve didn 't scowl , but he could feel the corners of his mouth turn down a bit . That , right there . Clint would have never called him that before , even though Steve was bigger than he was . Used to be . It was like Clint was trying to overcompensate for calling him tiny that one time . " Yeah , what 's up ? " Steve let Clint wrap an arm around his shoulders as they walked down the hallway to the elevator and if he felt dwarfed it was only for a moment , because Clint was chattering in his ear the whole time . " Nothing much , just finished some target practice . I just got these new arrows back from the lab , see . . . " Steve nodded and " uh - huh " 'd at the appropriate places and didn 't realize they were heading out of the building until they came to the main lobby . " Oh , hey . Wait , I had some things I wanted to go over with Director Fury before I left . " Steve paused . Or , well , he tried to , but Clint 's arm was still around him and doing a good job of propelling him forward . " I wanted to see if there were any leads in the hunt for Loki . " " No need , " he said as Steve frowned . " I just left his office . Apparently Loki 's back , somewhere in Detroit they think . Natasha and I are leaving tonight to follow up on some leads . " " Oh ! That 's good news , then . I can be ready in a few hours . " Steve tried not to let the hope he felt twinge in his chest make its way into his voice . But Clint just gave him a small smile and shook his head and Steve felt himself deflate . " We 're going alone , " Clint said , and pushed them both through the doors into the street . " Sorry , big guy . I know you want to come , but don 't worry . We 'll find him . " Steve let himself be ushered into the waiting car and ignored the way Clint patted him on the back before he closed the door behind Steve . Steve didn 't turn " So , I heard there was a slight incident last week after our session . " Steve slouched a little in his seat and shrugged . So far Dr . Faustus hadn 't felt any warmer to him than before . He just needed to give him time , he was sure , but he was essentially talking to a stranger . " After I got back to the mansion I was making a bowl of pudding and asked Tony to help . " Steve let the corner of his mouth curl up . " He told me he could burn water but I didn 't believe him . He proved me wrong . " " He burned . . . water ? " Steve was the only one who had to know that his grin was in triumph at getting Dr . Faustus to look shocked , and not at reminiscing over Tony 's horrible cooking skills . " I didn 't think that was possible . " " Well , he knocked a roll of paper towels onto the burner . That was close enough . " " I see . " Dr . Faustus cleared his throat and Steve felt a tiny sort of victory . " I was informed of Hawkeye and Black Widow 's failed attempts to pin down Loki . " " Yeah , they came back briefly a few days ago . " Steve rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably . He had a feeling where this was going . Steve turned over in his bed and punched his pillow . He couldn 't sleep . He knew it was futile to wish he was somewhere else , because he had learned early on in his life that wishing for things did no good , but he couldn 't help but do it anyway . Natasha and Clint had been gone for four days . And since then Steve had received no word on the situation at all , no matter how many times he 'd called Fury . Since that disastrous phone call hours earlier Steve had been , in Tony 's words , sulking around the mansion and glaring at anyone who happened to cross his path . It didn 't help that Tony had been berating him over how to properly use his cell phone at the time , either . Steve had snapped at him and Tony had snapped back and Steve had been saved from it turning into another of their mostly - extinct shouting matches by Bruce walking into the room and demanding to know the status of his radio . Sometime around one am Steve gave up on trying to sleep and made his way to the living room , only to stop dead when he saw Natasha , Clint , Tony and Agent Coulson gathered around a file spread open on the coffee table . " Wait , I recognize this guy . " Tony picked up a surveillance photo of a man with dark hair . " He used to be a neurosurgeon , before the car crash that damaged the nerves in his hands . That was five , six years ago . You used to be able to find him on the floor of any dive south of Jamaica Ave , begging for a drink . Well , before he went missing . He 's been assumed dead for years . " " Well , it appears the good doctor is alive and well . And has somehow captured Loki 's interest . " Coulson took the picture back from Tony and paperclipped it back into place . " Now we just need to figure out why . " " You 're back . " Clint and Tony jumped at Steve 's voice , making him smile just the tiniest bit . He might not have his stealth anymore , but it was good to know his footsteps were still light enough to escape their notice . Natasha just stared at him while Coulson gathered the papers on the table . Steve took in their grim faces and felt his shoulders sag . " I 'd ask how it went , but things don 't look promising from where I 'm standing . " " He was gone by the time we showed up , but don 't worry , Steve . " Phil gave him a small smile as he brushed past him , file clutched firmly in his hand . " We 'll find him . Until then , " he continued , swivelling around to slap Clint in the arm with the file , " you have four hours before you two need to be suited up and at the pier " I feel like they 're shutting me out , " Steve confessed , his eyes fixed on the floor . " I know they 're not doing it intentionally , and I know they think they 're being kind for my sake , but I 'm still the same person that I was last month . I can handle knowing these things . " " Well , that 's not technically true , is it ? " Steve looked up so fast he might 've given himself whiplash . What was that supposed to mean ? He was supposed to be evaluating him , not telling Steve what he could or couldn 't do . " You 're not really the same person that you were last month . Last month you could 've picked up my desk with me sitting on it and tossed it through that window . " Dr . Faustus waved a hand at the large floor - to - ceiling window to their left . " Not really , it 's unbreakable glass , " Steve said through clenched teeth . The doctor ignored him . " You might still be the same person on the inside , Steve , but you aren 't the same on the outside anymore . There is a possibility that you may never be that person again . " Steve felt his face begin to get hot . " What do you know about it ? You don 't know a thing about me , aside from what it says in that file of yours . You have no idea what I 'm going through . " " Steve - - " " It 's not like having muscles was all I was good for as Captain America . I can do more than punch people . " Steve stood , his hands clenched into fists . Dr . Faustus sat calmly at his desk and watched him unravel . " There are plenty of people around here that don 't have brute strength yet you call them heroes . I may be limited in this body , but don 't you dare think that being like this again suddenly makes me a different person . Nothing has changed about who I am . Not at the core . I still have the same values and the same beliefs and I 'll be damned if you , or SHIELD , or Director Fury thinks that you can just take it away from me ! " Steve was standing in the elevator , shaking with rage , when he realized he 'd repeated roughly the same thing that Tony had said to him in his bedroom . It was true enough . He 'd realized at the time that Tony wasn 't just being " I 'm sorry about last week , " was the first thing out of Steve 's mouth when he sat down . Dr . Faustus raised an eyebrow at the honest contrition on Steve 's face before he gave the man another one of his almost - smiles . " That 's quite alright , Steve . " Dr . Faustus dropped the pen he was holding and leaned forward , folding his hands on his desk and pinning Steve in place with an intense stare . " To be honest I was expecting it . You 've been through quite an ordeal , and a little anger is acceptable during trying times like these . " " Yes , that may be true , " Steve responded with a shrug . " But it doesn 't mean I have to snap and yell at the people who are only trying to help me . " " In that case , I accept your apology . " Dr . Faustus waited a moment before he tilted his head to the side . " Is there anything in particular you 'd like to talk about this week , Steve ? " " No , not - - " Steve stopped himself . He 'd been asked that question at the beginning of every session , and he 'd answered it the same way every time . Maybe it was time to start working with Dr . Faustus instead of against him . " Well , actually , there kind of is . " Dr . Faustus raised both his eyebrows at Steve 's willingness to talk without being prodded . " Go on , Steve . " " Well , as you know , Loki hadn 't shown his face around here for a while . . . " " Avengers , priority one ! Loki has been spotted in the city . " Steve dropped his pencil and stood abruptly . He 'd been in the middle of a sketch of the Brooklyn Bridge when the alarm had gone through the mansion . He heard more than saw Thor jump off of a high balcony with a loud battlecry , hammer in one hand and the Black Widow clutched to his side with the other . Seconds later the mansion shook as the Hulk took a running leap off of the roof . Hawkeye was a speck of black leather on his shoulders , his arms wrapped around the Hulk 's thick neck . In a matter of minutes he found himself in the lower levels of Tony 's lab watching his robots assemble the armour around him . He was trying to open the locker to his costume when the little light flashed red instead of green . He turned around and caught Tony 's stare before Tony 's focus was pulled back to the armour . " Open it . " " No . " " Tony , open it now . " Tony snorted and snatched the helmet out of U 's helping metal arms . " Yeah , still a no . " He was looking down at one of his repulsor boots and therefore missed how fast Steve could still move . Steve slapped the helmet hard enough to force it down and glared up and up at Tony 's surprised face . " I can help . Why aren 't you letting me ? " " You want to help ? The way you are now ? Fine . You can help but staying here and not getting yourself killed . " Tony yanked his arm up and slammed the helmet into place . It clicked a few times and the eyes lit up brightly . " Besides , that costume will drown you . " " What happened to ' it 's not just your muscles , Steve ' and ' you 're still a force of good , ' and ' you can still make a difference ? ' Was all of that bullshit ? Were you just trying to talk me down , get me out of my room ? Did you even mean any of it ? " Steve tried not to let the anger that had been steadily growing in him the past two weeks flow out , but the betrayal he felt at being locked away from his own costume stung . " Of course I meant it , " Iron Man 's mechanical voice responded , and for a moment Steve wanted to punch the metal face . He really , really didn 't " Is Mr . Stark in the habit of tying you up ? " Steve blinked at the change of tone in Dr . Faustus 's voice , then he blushed furiously . " Why does everyone keep asking me that ? No ! I mean . It 's not like that between us . He was just trying to get me to stay in one place , and I get why he did it , but he 's not . . . I mean we 're not . . . " Steve swallowed hard at the mental picture Dr . Faustus 's suggestion had painted in his mind . Tony , dangling a tie over his face , wearing that damned smirk of his and nothing else . He cursed his fair skin for surely giving away where his thoughts were leading him . " Anyhow , I would have been stuck down there if it wasn 't for his personal assistant . . . " " Tony , I can only use the ' sorry , New York is on fire ' excuse so many times before the members of the board begin to doubt - - Steve ! " Steve 's head shot up at the voice . " Pepper ! Thank god . Could you untie me ? There 's a bit of a situation and Tony just left me here like this . " " I can see that , " Pepper deadpanned . She walked slowly over to where Steve sat , looking around the workshop with a careful eye . " Does Tony . . . " she started slowly , her dainty hands making surprisingly quick work of the complicated looking knot , " tie you up very often ? " " What ? No , no this is the first time anyone 's attacked since I 've . . . been . . . " Steve trailed off when he saw the embarrassment and relief on her face , her eyes fixed on her work . " What ? No ! " he said again , at a much higher pitch . " Tony doesn 't - - We 're not - - It was so I wouldn 't try to follow them . Loki 's back . They 're all out there fighting him and Tony locked up my suit and shield and tied me down so I couldn 't go with them . " " Yes , I heard . " Pepper gave the knot a final yank and it let go of Steve 's wrists . He rubbed at them and looked up at her . She had a tiny smile on her face . " Loki 's managed to wrangle himself an army this time . They managed to move the fight to Central Park . " Steve looked up at her with wide eyes . How the hell was Tony 's secretary privy to this kind of information , and all he got was tied to a chair ? She straightened and pulled out a tablet out of seemingly nowhere and tapped the screen a few times . The wall to Steve 's left lit up with four different newsfeeds . He was reminded that this was Pepper Potts , and there wasn 't much that she didn 't know . For just a moment Steve wondered if she knew how he felt about . . . But no , surely she couldn 't know that . Steve wasn 't even sure of it himself . He turned his head to stare at the wall , where every one of the news channels had live coverage of what was going on in Central Park at the moment . " Are those . . . toys ? " " He is known for being a bit of a trickster , that Loki , " Pepper replied lightly . They watched as a trio of giant " Tony , look out ! " Tony only managed to dodge backwards in time out of pure instinct , watching as a familiar red , white and blue blur flew inches past his face . It hit the wooden nutcracker square in the face and bounced off harmlessly , leaving tiny chipmarks in its wake . Tony used the seconds it took reorienting itself to give it a rough kick , knocking it backwards . It slammed into a tree and splintered into kindling . Tony nodded at it . Then realized where his save came from and he whipped around . Steve lay on the ground at the edge of the park with his shield clutched to his chest , which was heaving in a rather frightening way . He was clad in his uniform , which looked four sizes too big for him , and his boots , that oddly seemed to still fit . Tony saw red . " What the hell do you think you 're doing ? " Tony shouted . He heard a low roar from his right and without looking fired a repulsor blast at the , jesus , giant stuffed panda that was charging him . He didn 't bother to watch it go up in flames , even though he might 've gotten a certain satisfaction from that at one point in time , because right now he was too busy marching over to where Steve was picking himself off the ground . " What does it look like ? " Steve scowled down at his shield . Tony would 've found it hilarious under normal circumstances , considering Steve all but slept with the shield in his bed before Tony had put it on lockdown . As light as it was , right now it was about ten pounds too heavy for Steve 's puny arms to wield easily and the sight was just sad . " I 'm helping . " " I thought I told you to stay in the garage ! " Tony yelled as he frog marched Steve away from the park and back to the street where the rest of the SHIELD agents were trying to herd the magicked toys into the park . " You just got knocked over by your own shield ! " Steve opened his mouth to protest , his face reddening from either anger or exertion , when a giant block of Legos in the shape of a Stormtrooper burst from the windows of the FAO Schwarz in a hail of shattered glass and plastic . Tony reacteTony narrowed his eyes at Steve , then turned and held his palms up , assessing the situation . The rest of the Avengers had the situation well in hand . Natasha was wrestling with the last Barbie , Clint was using his bow as a sword to fight a grim looking Samurai warrior , Thor was hovering in midair knocking what looked like Pterodactyls out of the sky one by one , and the Hulk was engaged in a game of what could only be described as " fetch " with a giant Tyrannosaurus Rex and the leg of an oversized Optimus Prime figurine . He couldn 't see him , but he could sense Steve 's body behind his . They were back - to - back , a move they used often when fighting off the bad guys , and in a way it was comforting enough to know that Steve was there , that Captain America had his back . Then Tony turned his head to the side to catch his eye and when he had to look down he was reminded that Steve was tiny now , just a little guy with asthma who was holding a shield that was too heavy for him in the midst of a battle that he should never have been at . " Widow , " Tony said into his communicator . " Yeah ? " she replied , one hand wrapped in a fistful of fake blonde hair . " You guys have this in hand ? Good . I 'm taking Chicken Little home , " he said curtly . She looked up at him and nodded . Tony turned just in time to see the vicious glare Steve was giving him . " Not . One . Word . " Tony wrapped an arm around Steve 's waist , ignoring the way Steve 's jaw clenched , and carefully air lifted them out of there . By the time they reached the tower Steve 'd only gotten angrier . They landed with a bit of a hop and Tony 's robots began the task of getting Tony out of his suit the moment he stepped onto the right platform . Steve followed and glared at him . " You can 't keep me from doing my job , " he started . Tony opened his mouth to protest , but Dum - E chose that moment to poke Tony 's thigh with a screwdriver and he let out a yelp instead . " I 'm serious , Tony . You 're not my mother , so quit acting like it . " " Steve , be reasonable . " Tony waved a gauntleted arm and U caught it and tugged . " I mean , Fury definitely wasn 't happy that Captain America was running around looking like this , " Steve paused to wave a hand down at himself , " but once he saw the security footage he didn 't put up too much of a fight . " " I suppose helping to secure the city against a legion of angry toys helped with his decision , " Dr . Faustus said . Steve laughed a little . " To be completely honest I missed most of it . Iron Man freaked out a bit and flew me home shortly after I got there , but I was there long enough to convince them that I still knew what I was doing . It also helped that some of the others helped back me up . Like Tony , and Black Widow . And I heard that Agent Coulson went to bat for me with Fury . He 's a pretty swell guy . " " I hear he thinks pretty highly of you himself . " Steve chuckled to himself . " Yeah , it 's crazy . Everyone around here is some kind of a ninja and I 'm the one people were dressing up as for Halloween . " " Captain America as an icon was a large part of our country 's history . It must feel good to be handed back the reins . " " Well , not fully . Not yet . " Steve shrugged again . " I mean , I still have to pass these evals . And Fury wants to do some additional endurance testing . I can 't believe how far medicine has come sometimes . There are cures for things and conditions I 've never even heard of . " " Yes , I suppose it must be a nice surprise for you . " " The medical doctor 's given me some kind of special breathing device . " Steve dug into his pocket and held up the purple disc . " Well , he had to give me a few . Tony asked for a bunch that we could stash around the mansion , just in case I have an attack . " " Let 's talk about Tony Stark for a moment . You said that he was one of the few Avengers who was still treating you normally last week , but you also said that he seemed . . . agitated when you showed up at the fight . Is that not the case anymore ? " " No , no . He still watches movies with me , and he still yells at me when I have problems with his tech , like his smart house or my cell phone . It 's just . . . " Steve trailed off . Thinking these " You 've reached the voicemail of John Faustus . If this is an emergency , please contact the SHIELD medical facility at extension 8926 . Otherwise leave a message after the tone and I will respond to your call shortly . " " This is Steve Rogers . Unfortunately I don 't think I 'll be able to make today 's appointment . There 's been a slight incident at the mansion today and Tony managed to land himself in the hospital . I 'm hoping you might be willing to reschedule , though . Please call me as soon as you get this message to confirm . " " How many times do we have to tell you to stop poking at Bruce ? " Tony scowled at him and paused in his hobbling to lean down to rub at his injured thigh . They 'd never get out of there at this rate . Steve smacked his hands away and placed them firmly back on his crutches . " I 'm serious , Tony . Next time you might not be so lucky . " " I 've got sixteen stitches in my thigh from where his test tubes impaled me , " Tony grumbled . " You call that lucky ? " " They managed to miss every major artery , so yes , I 'm calling this one a win . " Steve led Tony through the sliding doors at the front entrance of the hospital to find Happy was waiting for them outside , leaning against the passenger side door to the car and reading a newspaper . He put it down when he noticed Steve helping a limping Tony out . " Happy ! " Tony threw his arms open and dropped his crutches , jogging forward . He winced when the movement pulled at his leg . Steve bent down to pick them up for the fourth time with a sigh . " Boy am I happy to see you . Happy . " Tony gave his face a sloppy pat that Happy endured with a crooked smile . " Feelin ' good , eh boss ? " he said as he took his time ushering them into the backseat , crutches and all . He rolled his eyes when Tony ' dropped ' his bottle of painkillers onto the pavement . Tony pulled the door closed and was typing something into the tiny panel of buttons on the door before Steve could lean out and pick them up . Steve tried to open the door and it didn 't budge . He gave Tony an exasperated look . " Tony , " Steve said with a sigh as he sat back . Settling into the driver 's seat , Happy managed to catch Steve 's eye in the mirror and he and shook his head slightly . Steve ignored him . " Those are for your own good . " " I don 't like drugs , " Tony replied thickly . He must not have realized what it was they shot him up with when they first got to the hospital , blood everywhere . " I don 't like the way they make me feel . Besides , I can 't work when my head is floating around in the sky . " " You shouldn 't be working at all right now . " " Have to finish your redesign , " Hand me that mini torch . No , stop doing - - The torch . The welding tor - - fuck it , nevermind . Here , hold this . " Steve watched as Tony , bent over one of his many workbenches , scolded and sniped at his robots as he worked at a project . He resisted the urge to shake his head fondly at how he treated his robots . They were like Tony 's wayward children . Maybe housepets . " You gonna stand there all night watching , or are you gonna be useful and take this so I can . . . Jesus . How old are you ? Maybe it 's time for an upgrade . " The machine called Dum - E cooed sadly and delicately took hold of . . . Wait a minute . " Is that my shirt ? " Tony turned in his seat and Steve tried not to laugh at how his goggles magnified his eyeballs comically . " Steve ! Come here , come here . Wait till you see this . " Steve took a few cautious steps forward to where Tony was sitting . He held out the plate in his hand as Tony lifted his goggles and stared down at it . " Here , " Steve said simply . Tony looked up at him , then back down at the plate . On it was a large turkey sandwich , sliced neatly from corner to corner . " You weren 't at lunch . Or dinner . I figured someone had to make sure you were still alive down here . " " I missed lunch ? " Tony blinked owlishly up at him and Steve felt something in his chest tug painfully . " What time is it ? " " One in the morning , " Steve answered . He thrust the plate a little closer to Tony 's chest , forcing the man to take it in his hands . " Will you eat that already ? " " Okay , okay . " Tony took the plate from him slowly and looked down at it . He seemed surprised for a moment before he set it on the table to his right . He looked at the large glass of milk in his other hand and back up at Steve . " You don 't expect me to drink that , do you ? " " You 've been down here nine solid hours , " Steve told him as he held it out . " Eat . Drink . Nourish yourself . Your body will thank me . " Tony looked down at the glass before he cocked his head to the side . " Call it an experiment if it makes it easier , " he muttered to himself before he slowly extended his hand and took the Tony swallowed and grinned at him , sandwich in one hand . Then he rolled his eyes when his stomach rumbled loudly . " Okay , fine . Point made . JARVIS , save and close all projects . Dum - E , U , clean this up . " Tony took another bite and placed the half eaten sandwich down . " Leave the shirt on the table , though . We 'll finish in the morning , boys . " Steve followed Tony as he walked around the shop , checking to make sure everything was off , before they walked up the stairs together . " You want to watch something with me ? Just for a little while . Long enough to put me to sleep , I swear . " Tony limped to the living room and plopped down on the loveseat , setting his plate and glass on the table in front of him . Steve followed and sat down gingerly , unsure of how close to sit now that he 'd admitted his feelings to himself . He left a decent amount of space between their bodies . " Just for a few minutes , " he said quietly . JARVIS turned the television on and an old black and white movie came up on the screen . They sat for several minutes in silence , the only sounds coming from the tv and Tony 's munching , before Tony nudged him . When Steve looked over he realized that Tony had moved closer . And was holding out the other half of the sandwich . Steve made a noise of protest even as he took it . " Eat that , please . I 'm seconds away from passing out in it anyway , " Tony mumbled as he let his body sag against Steve 's side . Steve shook his head as he took a bite . Again with the feeding . His chewing slowed as he mulled over what Tony 's blatant mother - henning could mean . Probably nothing . Just like Mrs . Barnes , who used to tsk and tut over Steve 's tiny body before forcing him to eat a thick slice of bread . It wasn 't like it meant anything more . Of course , Tony had spent the better part of the day after being flung around his house by their large green teammate stuck in his workshop building Steve a set of armour from scratch , but that didn 't mean anything major . Tony liked tinkering around , and creating a new costume for Steve had given him an outlet for " So , I see you 've got a new costume . " Steve looked down at his chest . He 'd come to SHIELD at Fury 's request , more endurance training , and Tony had made it a point to shove him into his costume before he 'd left . He 'd felt a little silly walking the halls of SHIELD in this getup , in this body , but the look on Fury 's face when he 'd entered the training room had been worth it . On his way out he made a point to stop by to see Dr . Faustus . He 'd missed their appointment due to Tony 's latest incident with the Hulk and his next appointment wasn 't for days , but he had heard that the doctor was in the building . He 'd seemed surprised but pleased to see Steve knock at his door . He mentioned that he had an appointment in a few minutes , but he invited Steve in for a quick chat anyway . " Yeah . Tony put it together the other day after the thing at the hospital . " Steve did his best not to grin like a fool where he stood leaning against the doorframe , his shield strapped to his arm . He felt like himself again . Finally . " It looks good . " " Thanks . I 'm considering a redesign if I ever get back to . . . you know . " Steve rubbed the back of his neck where the cowl was bunched . It was sweaty , and he was still hot , but in it he felt amazing . It helped that he 'd managed to handle everything that Fury had thrown at him today . He was still out of breath , but the little purple disc he held in one of his pockets had helped hugely . " That 's good to hear . " Dr . Faustus smiled at him . " What about the hunt for Loki ? " Steve shrugged . " What about it ? " " He 's been quiet since the real life version of Toy Story took over Fifth Avenue . " " Fury still has people out there looking for him , " Steve said . He knew that was true , because Fury showed him the file three days ago . Unfortunately for him , however , the medical doctors believed that the longer Steve stayed like this the less likely he would change back on his own . Strangely , he didn 't seem to mind as much anymore . " If we ever catch him , maybe he 'd be willing to change me back . He 's managed to evade us this long , though " Hey . " Steve looked up from his sketchbook to see Tony lounging in his doorway . He made it a point to keep his door open now , so no one could accuse him of ' hiding in his room . ' Knowing Natasha had said that weeks ago had stung his pride . " Hey , Tony . What 's up ? " Steve looked down at the cartoon he 'd been drawing of Tony down in his workshop , his eyes disproportionately large behind his giant welding goggles , before he stuck a thumb on the page and closed it quickly , hoping Tony hadn 't seen it . He 'd done all he could over the past two days to stay out of man 's way . It was purely selfish . Steve just didn 't want to give his , oh god , his crush any more room to grow . Right , his traitorous mind whispered guiltily to him . Because sitting around drawing his face is so much more helpful . " As per Clint 's request , I managed to get my hands on the new Batman . " Tony held up a clear case with a DVD in it . " Come on . Family movie night . " " Sure , just give me a minute to clean up . " Steve gathered the Prismacolor pencils that lay on the desk and placed them carefully back in their tin . He 'd made the token protests when he found out how much they had cost , but Tony had insisted that they were the best and that a few hundred bucks on some art supplies was chump change for him . Tony strolled over to the desk and knocked a knuckle against Steve 's sketchpad . " May I ? " Steve hesitated . It was one thing for him to know he was stupidly drawing Tony 's face over and over , but another for the man to see it . Hopefully he wouldn 't get that far . There were a lot of other drawings to do through first . Before he could put up too much of a fight , Tony slid the book over and flipped the cover . A drawing of the Hulk , a motorcycle held high over his head . He flipped . A landscape of Central Park . Flip . Nick Fury as a cartoon , yelling at a faceless crowd of underlings . Flip flip flip . " Well , hello there . Who 's the babe ? " Steve looked down to see Private Lorraine , her red lips pulled back in a coy smile . He smiled down at it . " A friend from the war . " He found himself " Director Fury cleared me for missions yesterday , " Steve started in immediately . Dr . Faustus barely had to ask him anything this time around . It 'd gotten much easier for Steve to talk to him . " Nothing major , though . He made it very clear that I was to pull back if Loki or the Wrecking Crew show up , but at least I 'll be back out in the field . " " So I hear , " Dr . Faustus said lightly . Steve gave him a grin . " You wouldn 't have had anything to do with that , would you ? " " I 'm sure I don 't know what you 're talking about . " Steve shook his head fondly at him and Dr . Faustus raised his pen . " We 're still going to continue with these sessions , only with less frequency . " " Don 't take this the wrong way , doc , " Steve said , still smiling , " but that 's great news . " " So eager to get rid of me already ? For shame . " Steve chuckled . " Now , as tired as you are of hearing me say this , is there anything you 'd like to share about the past week and a half ? " " This is confidential , right ? " Steve squirmed in his seat . " I mean , I know that you have to report to Fury about me , but do you tell him . . . You know . Everything ? " " Everything that has to do with your mental health , and how you have been dealing with this transformation . " " Good , good . " Steve took a few deep breaths to compose himself . " Tony kissed me . " " I thought you said there was nothing going on between you . " " There wasn 't . At least , I didn 't think there was . On his end , at least . " Steve blushed as he once again relived their kiss in his mind . " I didn 't believe you were aware of your feelings for him . " Steve looked up at him sharply . Dr . Faustus gave him a wry grin over the rim of his glasses . " You speak of Mr . Stark a great deal during our sessions . It was a logical hypothesis . " Steve flushed . Had he been so obvious to everyone but himself ? " Why don 't you tell me a little about it . " " Well , there isn 't much to tell . . . " They 'd gotten about halfway through the movie before Tony 's phone began to buzz in his pocket . He 'd ignored it the first few times , but the fourth time it happened Steve felt him lean away long enough to pull it out and stare down at it . " It 's Pepper . I have to take this . " Tony stood , untangling their fingers and Steve immediately missed their weight against his . Somehow in the first ten minutes of the movie they 'd gravitated to one another , and they 'd ended up watching the first hour pressed together from shoulder to knee . Steve had a hard time paying attention to the plot of the movie at that point . Then Tony had placed his hand over Steve 's on his knee and Steve stopped trying entirely . He 'd spent the past ten minutes concentrating on Tony 's thumb , where it moved rhythmically back and forth over one of Steve 's nails , and missed everything going on around him . That was why , after he watched Tony stroll out of the room with his phone pressed to his ear , he wasn 't surprised to see Natasha staring at him . Steve flushed in the darkness of the room and sank back into the cushions , embarrassed . He didn 't miss the way she smirked as she turned her head back to the screen . He just thanked god that she was amused rather than disgusted . It only took a few minutes before Tony came parading back through the room , shrugging into a jacket . There had been a slight emergency with a Stark Industries engineer and and Tony had to go , but the rest of them should enjoy the movie and he 'd see them later . Only Tony hadn 't come back that night . Steve knew because he 'd stayed up after the movie was over , sitting on the couch watching television until he finally fell asleep . When he woke the next morning he 'd asked JARVIS where Tony was and the AI informed him that he hadn 't returned yet . That had been yesterday , right before Steve had been called into SHIELD by Director Fury . By the time Steve had gotten back to the mansion it had been late , and JARVIS had informed him that Tony had been locked up in his workshop and didn 't want to be distur " Mr . Stark does have a reputation for being a bit of a playboy , " Dr . Faustus said mildly , and Steve winced . " Well , yes , but that was before . When we first met he and Pepper were together , and even after they broke up he didn 't seem to date much . " It was true , now that he thought about it . Tony hadn 't vanished completely from the dating scene , and he did show up to some charity event a few months ago with some debutante on his arm that the press had speculated wildly over . But compared to the files Steve had read on the man before they met the transition had been obvious . " Perhaps he just needs time to get used to the idea of the two of you . " " To be honest , I kind of need some time to get used to the idea myself , " Steve said through a chuckle . He still couldn 't believe what had happened had been real . " We just need to talk about what happened , and pinning Tony down isn 't always easy . " " What about the rest of your team ? How did they react to finding out that you were going to be allowed back in the field ? " " They seemed happy enough for me . I couldn 't promise that I wouldn 't be a hindrance in the middle of a fight , but it felt good to know that they would have my back if I need them . Natasha gave me a stern talking to about how she wouldn 't put up with me if I couldn 't follow an order to clear out when I was told , but that she was glad that Captain America was going to be out there again . It was reassuring . " " Good for you . " Dr . Faustus wrote something down and closed his file . Steve took it as his cue and stood up . Like always , they shook hands . " Same time next week ? " " We 'll see , " Dr . Faustus replied with a grim smile . " I have a feeling I won 't be seeing much more of you , Captain . You have been adjusting to your new life well , and pretty soon these sessions will surely be pronounced redundant . " Steve just gave him a big smile . " Maybe if Daddy hugged you more as a child - - " Tony was cut off in the middle of his sentence as a car slammed into him , the both of them flying backwards into a building . The car had Tony pinned to the concrete . " You dare speak to me in such a manner ? " Loki strode purposefully down the street . Steve could see his helmet glinting in the light through the screen . " Tony , back off . Quit taunting him , " he said into his communicator . He heard a scoff over the line . " Yeah , Stark . You 're the last one to start in with the daddy issues , " Natasha 's voice came through loud and clear over the comm line from where she was on the other side of the street , getting her leg dressed by a field medic . Steve tried not to snort . Nothing about this situation was funny . Steve had only been back from his visit at SHIELD for an hour when Thor had appeared in the middle of the mansion , looking distraught . He 'd had a brief altercation in Asgard with his mother over the status of her missing son . It was mere minutes later when JARVIS had patched through Agent Coulson to the house ; Loki was spotted at the top of the Brooklyn Bridge , zapping great big flashes of light at passing cars in what Steve could only describe as a cry for attention . Tony , who had dragged himself up from his workshop at some point when Steve had been out , had rushed through the room to make it to his armour and dragged Steve along with him . Steve wanted , dearly , to be able to talk to the man about the kiss but there hadn 't been time to do much more than change into his new uniform before Tony had his arm around his waist and was flying them over the city . By the time the Avengers had arrived Loki had graduated to casually tossing cars down the street . It only took moments before Steve realized dismally that he would have to sit this one out . Giant stuffed pandas flying through the air were one thing . Five thousand pound cars were another . He sat at a table at a restaurant SHIELD had commandeered down the street from the wreckage , an open laptop in front of him showing him the fSteve rolled onto his side and stared at the window . The SHIELD medical personnel had released Tony shortly after he 'd woken . They 'd been unhappy , but there was little they could do , short of strapping him to the bed . Tony had been loopy off of the morphine and unsteady under Steve 's hands as he and Bruce had helped him to the car . Once again Happy had been long suffering but helpful in aiding them home , which only made Steve wonder how often Tony used to need this kind of help over the years . When they 'd arrived Bruce had disappeared into his room , leaving Steve to help Tony stumble up the stairs and into his bed . Tony had reached out and wrapped his fingers around Steve 's wrist , giving it a little shake , before his eyes closed . " Still need to talk about that kiss , " Tony mumbled . Steve pushed his other hand into Tony 's hair and rubbed his scalp gently . " In the morning , " he said simply . Then Tony was out . Steve extracted his hand from where Tony 's lax fingers were curled around his wrist and left the room . He 'd been lying down in his bed , staring up at the ceiling since . Steve blinked at the window . It looked as though that shadow was . . . moving . . . He sat up quickly and turned to see Loki lounging against his dresser , his green eyes piercing . Steve let go of the bedding and did his best to seem relaxed , as though enemies of his with mystical abilities always showed up in his bedroom . " Loki , " Steve started , then he stopped . He honestly had no idea how to approach this . " Come to finish the job ? " " You know , you mortals are quite resilient . " Loki 's eyes darted about the room and landed on Steve 's shield . Ever since he 'd figured out how to open the locker he 'd kept it in his room , on a chair near the bed . " You always bounce right back after somebody shows up and tries to squish you . " " What do you want ? " Loki pushed himself off of the dresser and took a few confident steps around the room . " Many things , Captain . Most of which you cannot give me . " " Then why come to see me ? " Steve cocked his head to the side . " You 're afraid to talk tWhen Steve woke up it was to sunlight shining in his eyes . He squinted and turned over , pulling the blanket over his face . He 'd forgotten to shut the blinds last night . Last night . . . Steve sat up abruptly and stared down at his hands . His big hands . Attached to his big arms . " Oh , thank god . " Steve ran his hands over his stomach before he threw back the covers and jumped out of bed . He looked at himself in the mirror above his dresser and just stared . The t - shirt that Steve had worn to bed the night before was tight across his shoulders , the sweatpants clinging to his thighs . When Steve grinned at his reflection , Captain America grinned back at him . There was nobody in the kitchen when Steve made his way in , but he could smell the coffee that was brewing . He went to the counter and grinned when he opened the cabinets and pulled down the waffle iron from the top shelf . God , it was good to be back . He was pouring batter into the iron for the fourth time when he heard shuffled footsteps in the hallway . He kept his eyes on what he was doing . " Morning , " he said . He got a grunt in reply . When he turned around Tony was staring at the coffee maker blearily , clutching an empty mug . " Please tell me you didn 't do this , " Tony said in a flat tone . " How many times do we have to go over this ? You aren 't allowed to touch my . . . " Tony trailed off as he turned around . He looked down at his mug then back up at Steve 's grinning face . He blinked owlishly , then smiled back at him goofily . " Oh . Hi . " Steve let out a quiet laugh . " Good morning , Tony . " " So it is . " Tony put the mug down on the countertop and took a hesitant step forward . Then he stopped and his smile vanished . " Look , about that kiss - - " he started , then he was cut off when light footsteps came from the hallway . He turned to the machine and busied himself with filling his cup . Steve turned to see Natasha enter the kitchen in a pencil skirt and a light blue blouse . She gave Steve a crisp nod and a smile on her way to the coffee . " Steve . You 're back . " Steve opened his mouth to say that he didn 't go anywhere , that he had been there the entire time , but Tony beat him to it . " He was never gone , " he said easily . Then Tony looked over his shoulder at him and smiled at that and Steve couldn 't help himself . He smiled back . Natasha was careful to keep her eyes on her cup as she moved in and poured out two cups of coffee . " Of course . Well , I 've got a job to do . Steve , the Director would like to see you . If you 'd like a ride to SHIELD I 'll be leaving in half an hour , after I get Hawkeye out of bed . " " Guess I should go face the music , huh ? " Steve sighed and rubbed the back of his neck . Was he ever going to get to talk to Tony about that kiss ? " I ' " I see you 've had an eventful twenty - four hours . " Steve grinned at the doctor . It had taken a lot for him not to put on his old costume . He 'd rationalized wearing civillian clothing because he liked the mail . He 'd have to get Tony to recreate his costume once more . " I guess you 've seen the footage . Loki attacked the city yesterday , and Thor and I managed to talk him down . Then he showed up last night and . . . " Steve spread his hands out . " I woke up like this . " " After you left Director Fury 's office he contacted me . It seems our sessions have come to their natural conclusion . To be honest , Steve , this was going to be our last anyway . You 've made remarkable progress in a few short weeks . I 'm sure it all seems redundant now , though . Anyhow , I 'm pleased to see you looking so happy . " " I 've gotta be honest with you , doc , " Steve said as he rubbed the back of his neck . " It 's not so much the , you know . Transformation . I 'm still sort of pissed at that , actually . " Dr . Faustus cocked his head to the side and studied his face . " You are ? " " Something was done to me . Again . I was just getting used to the idea of staying small for the rest of my life when Loki told me that it would 've worn off eventually . He only changed me back earlier because his mother made him . It was just another one of his thoughtless pranks . " " Yes , mothers are like that , I suppose . " Dr . Faustus smiled at him . " So why is it you 're so happy ? " " Tony . " Steve let the goofy smile creep back over his face . " We managed to sort of talk this morning , and I think . . . That it 's going to finally happen . " Dr . Faustus leaned back in his seat and steepled his fingers together . He chuckled a bit . " I must say , it is certainly about time . " " I 'll say . " Steve opened his mouth to say more , but at that moment the lighting in the hallway changed , flashing red . Steve stood abruptly and picked up the large portfolio that held his shield . He turned to the door , then changed his mind and turned back to Dr . Faustus . Steve offered him his hand and the doctor stood and shook it firmly . " Thank you for all of your help . " " Trust me , Captain . It was my pleasure . Now , " he said as he nodded at the door , " go assemble your team . " With one last smile , Steve was out the door and down the hallway . Dr . Faustus let the smile fade from his face as he sat back down . He picked up his pen and jotted down something at the bottom of the last page in Steve 's file before he sat back and tapped the pen to his lips . He smiled and stared down at the single word he wrote before he closed the folder and placed it in a drawer . Subject ready for further testing : Yes . |
" Well , that 's perfect . " Maxon looked off into the night and smiled at nothing in particular . Something in all this was amusing to him . " America , my dear , I do hope you find something in this cage worth fighting for . After all this , I can only imagine what it would be like to see you actually try . " He came down from the bench to crouch beside me . He was too close . I couldn 't think right . Maybe I was a little star - struck or still feeling shaky from my crying episode . Either way I was too shocked to protest when he took my hand . " If it would make you happy , I could let the staff know you prefer the garden . Then you can come out here at night without being manhandled by the guard . I would prefer if you had one nearby , though . " He was a little taken aback , hurt . " As you wish . " I felt more regret . Just because I didn 't like the guy didn 't mean I wanted to hurt him . " Will you be heading inside soon ? " His smile returned . " Don 't mention this to the others . Technically , I 'm not supposed to meet you until tomorrow , and I don 't want anyone getting upset . Though I wouldn 't call you yelling at me anything close to a romantic tryst , would you ? " " Thank you . " He took the hand he was holding and lowered his lips to it . When he pulled away , he gently placed my hand in my lap . " Good night . " I cursed aloud and ran into the closest room , because it had been stressed to me over and over again that I was to meet the girls all at once on Saturday . No one told me why it was so important , but I believed it had something to do with their makeovers . If a Five stepped into the palace without any sort of help , well , I couldn 't say she 'd have much of a chance . Maybe it was to make everything fair . I discreetly left the room I 'd ducked into and went back to my own , trying to forget the incident altogether . But then a second time as I was walking to drop something off in Father 's office , I heard the floating voice of a girl I did not know , and it sent a jolt of anxiety through my entire being . I went back to my room and cleaned all of my camera lenses meticulously and reorganized all my equipment . I busied myself until nightfall , when I knew the girls would be in their rooms , and I could walk . It was one of those traits that tended to get on Father 's nerves . He said it made him nervous that I moved around so much . What could I say ? I thought better on my feet . The palace was quiet . If I didn 't know better , I wouldn 't have guessed that we had so much company . Maybe things wouldn 't be so different if I didn 't focus on the change . As I made my way to the end of the hall , I was faced with all the what ifs that were plaguing me . What if none of the girls was someone I could love ? What if none of them loved me ? What if my soul mate was bypassed because someone more valuable was chosen from her province ? I sat down at the top of the stairs and put my head in my hands . How was I supposed to do this ? How was I meant to find someone who I loved , who loved me , who my parents approved of , and the people adored ? Not to mention someone who was smart , attractive , and accomplished , someone I could present to all the presidents and ambassadors who came our way . I told myself to pull it together , to think about the positive what ifs . What if I had a spectacular time getting to know these ladies ? What if they were all charming and funny and beautiful ? What if the very girl I cared for the most would appease my father beyond any expectations either of us had ? What if my perfect match was lying in her bed right now , hoping the best for me ? Maybe . . . maybe this could be everything I 'd dreamed it would be , back before it became all too real . This was my chance to find a partner . For so long , Daphne was the only person I could confide in ; no one else quite understood our lives . But now , I could welcome someone else into my world , and it would be better than anything I 'd ever had before because . . . because she would be mine . And I would be hers . We would be there for each other . She would be what my mother was to my father : a source of comfort , the calm that grounded him . And I could be her guide , her protector . I stood and moved downstairs , feeling confident . I just had to hold on to this feeling . I told myself that this was what the Selection would really be for me . It was hope " Miss , you need to get back to your room now . " I squinted down the hall and saw in a patch of moonlight that a guard was blocking a girl - a girl ! - from the doorway . It was dark , so I couldn 't make out much of her face , but she had brilliant red hair , like honey and roses and the sun all together . " I . . . I can 't breathe , " she said , falling into the guard 's arms as he dropped his staff to catch her . He seemed kind of irritated about it . The guard by the door went to work opening the lock , and I watched the girl sway slightly in the other 's arms as she tried to stand . The moment the double doors opened , a rush of warm , sweet Angeles wind enveloped us . As soon as she felt it on her bare arms , she was moving . " As you were , " I said in a low voice . They cleared their throats and turned back to face the hallway . " Stay here unless I call for you , " I instructed , and walked into the garden . I had a hard time seeing her , but I could hear her . She was breathing heavily , and sounded almost like she was weeping . I hoped that wasn 't the case . Finally I saw her collapse in the grass with her arms and head resting on a stone bench . She didn 't seem to notice that I 'd approached , so I stood there a moment , waiting for her to look up . After a while I was starting to feel a little awkward . I figured she 'd at least want to thank me , so I spoke . Still , face lit or hidden , I got the full intention of her words . Where was the gratitude ? " What have I done to offend you ? Did I not just give you the very thing you asked for ? " She didn 't answer me , but turned away , back to her crying . Why did women have such a high inclination to tears ? I didn 't want to be rude , but I had to ask . I smiled to myself . One of my many worries was that these girls would be in a constant state of presenting the best sides of themselves , trying to impress me . I kept dreading that I 'd spend weeks getting to know someone , think she was the one , and then after the wedding , some new person would come to the surface who I couldn 't stand . I circled her as I thought about what she said . I wondered if my habit of walking would bother her . If it did , would she say so ? " That is an unfair statement . You are all dear to me , " I said . Yes , I 'd been avoiding anything having to do with the Selection , but that didn 't mean the girls weren 't precious in my eyes . " It is simply a matter of discovering who shall be the dearest . " " I 'm afraid I did , " I answered with a chuckle . " Forgive me , it 's a product of my education . " She muttered something unintelligible . " I 'm sorry ? " " It 's ridiculous ! " she yelled . My , she had a temper . Father must not know much about this one . Certainly , no girl with this disposition would have made it into the pool if he had . It was lucky for her that I was the one who came upon her in her distress , and not him . She would have been sent home about five minutes ago . " This contest ! The whole thing ! Haven 't you ever loved anyone at all ? Is this really how you want to pick a wife ? Are you really so shallow ? " That stung . Shallow ? I went to sit on the bench , so it would be easier to talk . I wanted this girl , whoever she was , to understand where I was coming from , what things looked like from my end . I tried not to get distracted by the curve of her waist and hip and leg , even the look of her bare foot . " I can see how I would seem that way , how this whole thing could seem like it 's nothing more than cheap entertainment , " I said , nodding . " But in my world , I am very guarded . I don 't meet very many women . The ones I do are daughters of diplomats , and we usually have very little to discuss . And that 's when we manage to speak the same language . " I smiled , thinking of the awkward moments when I had to sit through long dinners in silence next to young women who I was meant to entertain , and failing dismally because the translators were busy talking politics . I looked to the girl , expecting her to laugh along with me for my trouble . When her tight lips refused to smile , I cleared my throat and moved on . " Circumstances being what they are , " I said , fidgeting with my hands , " I haven 't had the opportunity to fall in love . " She seemed to forget I wasn 't really allowed to until now . Then I was curious . Hoping I wasn 't alone , I voiced my most intimate question . " Have you ? " " My mother and father were married this way and are quite happy . I hope to find happiness , too . To find a woman who all of Illéa can love , someone to be my companion and to help entertain the leaders of other nations . Someone who will befriend my friends and be my confidante . I 'm ready to find my wife . " " For you , " she shot back skeptically . " Fill your beautiful cage with thirty - four other men all fighting over the same thing . See how nice it is then . " " Have there really been arguments over me ? Don 't you all realize I 'm the one doing the choosing ? " I didn 't know whether to feel excited or worried , but it was interesting to think about . Maybe if someone really wanted me that much , I 'd want them , too . " Actually , that was unfair , " she added . " They 're fighting over two things . Some fight for you ; others fight for the crown . And they all think they 've already figured out what to say and do so your choice will be obvious . " " Ah , yes . The man or the crown . I 'm afraid some cannot tell the difference . " I shook my head and stared into the grass . But there was nothing comical about it . Here was another one of my biggest fears being confirmed . Again my curiosity overwhelmed me , though I was sure she would lie . " Yes . I sort of - well , it 's a long story , " she said . I would have to learn what that was all about eventually . " And now . . . I 'm here . And I 'm not fighting . My plan is to enjoy the food until you kick me out . " I couldn 't help myself . I burst out laughing . This girl was the antithesis of everything I 'd been expecting . Waiting to be kicked out ? Here for the food ? I was , surprisingly , enjoying this . Maybe it would all be as simple as Mom said it would be , and I could get to know the candidates over time , like I did with Daphne . So this was one of the Fives . I knew Father wouldn 't be thrilled about me being friendly with her , but after all , he was the one who let her in . " Ah , yes , then food would probably be good motivation to stay . " I chuckled again , and tried to find out the name of this entertaining young woman . " I 'm sorry , I can 't read your pin in the dark . " " Well , that 's perfect , " I said with a laugh . Based on her name alone , I couldn 't believe she 'd made the cut . That was the name of the old country , a stubborn and flawed land we rebuilt into something strong . Then again , maybe that was why Father let her in : to show he had no fear or worries about our past , even if the rebels clung to it foolishly . For me , there was something musical about the word . " America , my dear , I do hope you find something in this cage worth fighting for . After all this , I can only imagine what it would be like to see you actually try . " I left the bench and knelt beside her , taking her hand . She was looking at our fingers and not into my eyes , and thank goodness for that . If she were , she 'd have seen how absolutely floored I was the first time I finally , truly saw her . The clouds moved at just the right moment , fully lighting her face by the moon . As if it weren 't enough that she was willing to stand up to me and clearly unafraid to be herself , she was dazzlingly beautiful . Underneath thick lashes were eyes blue as ice , something cool to balance out the flames in her hair . Her cheeks were smooth and slightly blushed from crying . And her lips , soft and pink , slightly parted as she studied our hands . I mentally chastised myself . How typical to become so infatuated with the first girl I was ever allowed to actually have any sort of feelings for . It was foolish , too quick to be real , and I pushed the warmth away . All the same , I didn 't want to dismiss her . Time might prove that she was someone worth having in the running . America was clearly someone I 'd need to win over , and that might take time . But I would start right now . " If it would make you happy , I could let the staff know you prefer the garden . Then you can come out here at night without being manhandled by the guard . I would prefer if you had one nearby , though . " No need to worry her with just how often we were attacked . So long as a guard was close , she should be fine . " As you wish . " I was a little disappointed . What horrible thing had I done to make her push me away ? Maybe this girl was unwinnable . " Will you be heading inside soon ? " " Then I 'll leave you with your thoughts . There will be a guard near the door waiting for you . " I wanted her to take her time , but I dreaded some unexpected assault hurting any of the girls , even this girl who seemed to have developed a serious distaste for me . " Thank you , um , Your Majesty . " I heard a sort of vulnerability in her voice , and realized that maybe it wasn 't me . Maybe she was just overwhelmed by everything that was happening to her . How could I blame her for that ? I decided to risk rejection again . " Dear America , will you do me a favor ? " I took her hand once more , and she looked up to me with a skeptical face . There was something about those eyes on me , like she was searching for truth in mine and would have it at all costs . Her tone gave me hope , and I grinned . " Don 't mention this to the others . Technically , I 'm not supposed to meet you until tomorrow , and I don 't want anyone getting upset . " I gave a light snort , and I immediately wished I could take it back . Sometimes I had the worst laugh . " Though I wouldn 't call you yelling at me anything close to a romantic tryst , would you ? " " Thank you . " I should have been happy enough with her smile , should have walked away at that . But something in me - perhaps being raised to always push forward , to succeed - urged me to take one step more . I pulled her hand to my lips and kissed it . " Good night . " I left before she had a chance to chastise me or I had an opportunity to do anything else stupid . I wanted to look back and see her expression , but if it was something in the area of disgust , I didn 't think I could bear it . If Father could read my thoughts right now , he 'd be less than pleased . By now , after everything , I ought to be tougher than this . When I got to the doors , I turned to the guards . " She needs a moment . If she 's not in within half an hour , kindly urge her to come inside . " I met both of their eyes , making sure they grasped the concept . " It would also behoove you to refrain from mentioning this to anyone . Understood ? I rolled my eyes and continued up the stairs . Once I made it to the third floor , I practically ran to my room . I had a huge balcony that overlooked the gardens . I wasn 't going to step outside and let her know I was watching , but I did go to the window and pull back the curtain . She stayed maybe ten minutes or so , seeming calmer by the minute . I watched as she wiped her face , brushed off her nightgown , and headed inside . I debated hopping into the hallway on the second floor so we could accidentally - on - purpose meet again . But I thought better of it . She was upset tonight , probably not herself . If I was going to have a chance at all , I 'd have to wait until tomorrow . Tomorrow . . . when thirty - four other girls would be placed before me . Oh , I was an idiot to wait so long . I went to my desk and dug out the stack of files about the girls , studying their pictures . I didn 't know whose idea it was to put the names on the back , but that was far less than helpful . I grabbed a pen and transcribed the names to the front . Hannah , Anna . . . how was I supposed to keep that straight ? Jenna , Janelle , and Camille . . . seriously ? That was going to be a disaster . I had to learn at least a few . Then I 'd just rely on the pins until I got the names straight . Because I could do this . I could do it well . I had to . I had to prove , finally , that I could lead , make decisions . How else would anyone trust me as their king ? How would the king himself trust me at all ? I focused on standouts . Celeste . . . I remembered the name . One of my advisors had mentioned she was a model and showed me a picture of her in a bathing suit on the glossy pages of a magazine . She was probably the s * xiest candidate , and I certainly wouldn 't hold that against her . Lyssa jumped out at me , but not in a good way . Unless she had a winning personality , she wasn 't even in the running . Maybe that was a bit shallow , but was it so bad that I wanted someone attractive ? Ah , Elise . Based on the exotic slant of her eyes , she was the girl Father had mentioned who had family in New Asia . She 'd be in the running on that alone . What made her smile so brightly , then ? Was it me ? Had whatever she felt for me that day passed ? She didn 't seem very happy to meet me . But . . . she did smile in the end . Tomorrow I would have to start fresh with her . I wasn 't sure of what I was looking for , but so much of what seemed right was staring back at me in that photograph . Maybe it was her will or her honesty , maybe it was the soft skin on the back of her hand or her perfume . . . but I knew , with a singular clarity , that I wanted her to like me . IN THE MORNING I WOKE not to the sound of the maids coming in - though they had - or my bath being drawn - though it was . I woke to the light coming through my window as Anne gently pulled back the rich , heavy curtains . She hummed a quiet song to herself , absolutely happy with her task . I wasn 't ready to move . It had taken me a long time to come down from getting so worked up , and even more time to relax after I 'd realized exactly what that conversation in the garden would mean for me . If I got a chance , I would apologize to Maxon . It would be a miracle if he let me get that far . " Noooo , " I moaned into the pillow . I hadn 't had nearly enough sleep , and the bed was far too comfortable . But Anne , Mary , and Lucy laughed at my groan , which was enough to make me smile and decide to start moving . These girls would probably be the easiest for me to get along with in the palace . I wondered if they could become confidantes of some kind , or if training and protocol would render them completely unable to even share a cup of tea with me . Though I was a born Five , I was covered with Three - ness now . And if they were maids , that made them all Sixes . But that was fine with me . I did enjoy the company of Sixes . I moved slowly into the monstrous bathroom , every step echoing against the vastness of tile and glass . In the long mirrors I saw Lucy eyeing the dirt stains on my nightgown . Then Anne 's careful eyes caught them . Then Mary 's . Thankfully , none of them asked any questions . Yesterday I thought they had been prying with all their inquiries , but I was wrong . They were obviously overly concerned with my comfort . Questions about what I was doing outside my room - let alone the palace - would only be awkward . I wasn 't used to being naked around other people - not even mumma or ladoo - but there seemed to be no way around it . These three would be dressing me for as long as I was here , so I would have to bear it until I left . I wondered what would happen to them when I was gone . Would they get assigned to other girls who would need more attention as the competition drew on ? Did they already have other jobs in the palace they were temporarily excused from ? It seemed rude to ask what they used to do or imply that I was leaving soon , so I didn 't . After my bath , Anne dried my hair , pulling half up with ribbons I 'd brought from home . They were blue and just so happened to accent the flowers in one of the day dresses my maids had created for me , so that was what I wore . Mary did my makeup , which was just as light as the day before , and Lucy rubbed lotion into my arms and legs . There was an array of jewelry to choose from , but I asked for my box instead . There was a tiny necklace with a songbird on it that my dad had given me , and it was silver so it matched my name pin . I did take a pair of earrings from the royal store , but they were probably the smallest ones in the collection . Anne , Mary , and Lucy looked me over and smiled at the results . I took that as a sign I was decent enough to leave for breakfast . With bows and smiles , they wished me well as I went to leave . Lucy 's hands were trembling again . I went into the upstairs foyer where we had all met yesterday . I was the first one there , so I took to a small sofa to wait for the rest . Slowly , others started to trickle in . I quickly noticed a theme . Every one of the girls looked phenomenal . They had their hair pulled up in intricate braids or curls , away from their faces . The makeup was meticulously done , dresses pressed to perfection . I had probably chosen my plainest dress for the first day , and everyone else 's had something sparkly on it . I saw two girls walk into the foyer and realize they were wearing almost the exact same dress . They both turned back around to change . Everyone wanted to stand out , and they all did in their own ways . Even me . Once we were all assembled , everyone started to move toward the stairs . There was a gilded mirror on the wall , and we all turned to take one last peek as we descended . I caught a glimpse of myself next to Ragini and Tiny . I looked positively plain . We went downstairs expecting to be taken into the dining room , where we had been told we would be eating . But instead we were taken into the Great Room , where individual tables and chairs had been set up in rows , all with plates , glasses , and silverware . There wasn 't any food , though . Not even a hopeful smell . In the front corner , tucked away in a small nook , I noticed a small set of couches . A few cameramen , stationed around the room , filmed our arrival . We filed in , sitting wherever we wanted as there were no place cards here . Ragini was in the row in front of me , and Ashley sat to my right . I didn 't bother to take in anyone else . It seemed like several people had made at least one ally , just as I had in Ragini . Ashley had chosen her seat beside me , so I assumed she wanted my company . Still , she didn 't speak . Maybe she was upset over the news reports last night . Then again , she was quiet when we met . Maybe it was just her nature . I figured the worst she could do was not answer back , so I decided to at least acknowledge her . " Oh , thank you , " she said quietly . We both checked to make sure the camera crews were far away . Not that this was private , but who wanted them around for everything ? " Isn 't it fun to wear all this jewelry ? where 's yours ? " " It is heavy ! I feel like I have twenty pounds on my head . Still , I couldn 't pass it up . Who knows how long any of us will stay ? " That was funny . Ashley had seemed quietly confident from the very beginning . With the way she looked and carried herself , she was prime princess material . It seemed strange that she would doubt herself . " Hello again , ladies . I hope you all had a restful first night in the palace , because now our work begins . Today I will begin to instruct you on conduct and protocol , a process that will continue for the duration of your stay . Please know that I will be reporting any missteps on your part to the royal family . " I know it sounds harsh , but this isn 't a game to be taken lightly . Someone in this room will be the next princess of Illéa . It is no small task . You must endeavor to elevate yourselves , no matter your previous station . You will become ladies from the ground up . And this very morning , you will receive your first lesson . She began explaining how we would be served from the right , which glass was for what beverage , and to never , ever reach for a pastry with our hands . Always use the tongs . Hands were to rest in our lap when not in use , napkin draped underneath . We weren 't to speak unless spoken to . Of course , we could talk quietly to our neighbors , but always at a level befitting the palace . She eyed me seriously as she gave that last note . Silvia went on and on in her elegant tone , taunting my stomach . Even if they were small , I was used to getting my three meals at home . I needed food . I was getting a bit grumpy when we heard a knock at the door . Two guards stepped away , and in came Prince Maxon . The lift in the room was tangible . Backs straightened , locks of hair were tossed over shoulders , and hems were rearranged . I looked not at Maxon , but Ashley , whose chest was moving fast . She stared in such a way that I felt embarrassed for noticing . Prince Maxon surveyed the room and found me . Our eyes met for a moment , and he smiled . I wasn 't expecting that . I was thinking that he 'd probably changed his opinion of how to act toward me in the night , and I 'd be called out in front of everyone for my behavior . But maybe he wasn 't mad at all . Maybe he found me entertaining . He had to get incredibly bored around here . Whatever the reason , that brief smile led me to believe that maybe this wasn 't going to be such a terrible experience after all . I settled into the decision I couldn 't make last night and hoped Prince Maxon would hear out my apology . " Ladies , if you don 't mind , one at a time I 'll be calling you over to meet with me . I 'm sure you 're all eager to eat , as am I . So I won 't take up too much of your time . Do forgive me if I 'm slow with names ; there are quite a few of you . " There was a low rumble of giggles . Quickly , he went over to the girl in the front row on the far right and escorted her over to the couches . They spoke for a few minutes , then both rose . He bowed to her , she curtsied back . She went back to her table , spoke to the girl beside her , and it happened all over again . These conversations lasted only a few minutes and were spoken in hushed voices . He was trying to get a feel for each girl in less than five minutes . We weren 't the only ones talking . Around the room voices lifted like gentle hums , as we tried to distract ourselves until it was our turn . Not to mention the cameramen were hopping around , asking girls about their first day in the palace , how they liked their maids , and things like that . When they stopped by Ashley and me , I let her do all the talking . I kept looking over to the couches as each of the Selected were interviewed . Some were calm and ladylike , others fidgeted in excitement . Ragini blushed wildly as she walked over to Prince Maxon , and beamed when she walked back . Ashley straightened her dress several times , like a nervous little tic of her hands . I was near sweating when she came back , meaning it was my turn to go . I took a deep breath and steadied myself . I was about to ask for a monumental favor . " Yes , it is . And I know I 've heard your name before , but could you remind me ? " I wondered if opening with a joke was a bad idea , but Maxon laughed and motioned for me to sit . " I am still not your dear , " I replied , but with a smile . " But yes . Once I calmed down , I slept very well . My maids had to pull me out of bed , I was so cozy . " " Thank you , " I said . I fidgeted with a piece of my dress for a moment , trying to think of how to say this right . " I 'm very sorry I was mean to you . I realized as I was trying to fall asleep that even though this is a strange situation for me , I shouldn 't blame you . You 're not the reason I got swept up in all this , and the whole Selection thing isn 't even your idea . And then , when I was feeling miserable , you were nothing but nice to me , and I was , well , awful . You could have thrown me out last night , and you didn 't . Thank you . " Maxon 's eyes were tender . I bet every girl before me had already melted because he 'd given them a look like this . I would have been bothered that he looked at me that way , but it was obviously just part of his nature . He ducked his head for a moment . When he looked at me again , he leaned forward , resting his elbows on his knees as if he wanted me to understand the importance of what was coming next . I nodded , a little afraid of what he wanted to know . He leaned in even closer to whisper . " You say you 're here by mistake , so I 'm assuming you don 't want to be here . Is there any possibility of you having any sort of … of loving feelings toward me ? " " You are very kind , Your Majesty , and attractive , and thoughtful . " He smiled at that . In a low voice I added , " But for very valid reasons , I don 't think I could . " " Would you explain ? " His face hid it well , but I could hear the disappointment caused by my immediate rejection . I guessed he wasn 't used to that . " Oh , please don 't cry ! " Maxon 's whisper was marked with a genuine worry . " I never know what to do when women cry ! " " Would you like me to let you go home to your love today ? " he asked . It was obvious that my preference for someone else bothered him , but instead of choosing to be angry , he showed compassion . The gesture made me trust him . " I need to be here . My family needs me to be here . Even if you could let me stay for a week , that would be a blessing for them . " " Yes . " I felt bad admitting it . It must have seemed like I was using him . In truth , I guess I was . But there was more to it . " And there are … certain people " - I looked up at him - " at home who I can 't bear to see right now . " I hesitated . I guessed the worst that could happen now was being sent home anyway , so I continued . " If you would be willing to let me stay , even for a little while , I 'd be willing to make a trade , " I offered . I bit my lip . " If you let me stay … " This was going to sound so stupid . " All right , well , look at you . You 're the prince . You 're busy all day , what with helping run a country and all , and you 're supposed to find time to narrow thirty - five , well , thirty - four girls , down to one ? That 's a lot to ask , don 't you think ? " " Yes . Let me stay , and I 'll help you . I 'll be your friend . " He smiled at the words . " You don 't have to worry about pursuing me . You already know that I don 't have feelings for you . But you can talk to me anytime you like , and I 'll try and help . You said last night that you were looking for a confidante . Well , until you find one for good , I could be that person . If you want . " His expression was affectionate but guarded . " I 've met nearly every woman in this room , and I can 't think of one who would make a better friend . I 'd be glad to have you stay . " " I 'll keep trying . I don 't have it in me to give up . " And I believed him . It was annoying to think he 'd press that issue . Maxon was chuckling as he rose with me . I would have scowled , but it actually was kind of funny . He bowed , I curtsied , and I went back to my seat . Maxon walked to the center of the room . " If I have asked you to remain behind , please stay in your seats . If not , please proceed with Silvia here into the dining hall . I will join you shortly . " I stood , as did most of the girls , and started walking . He must just want some special time with those girls . I saw that Ashley was one of them . No doubt she was special , a born princess by the looks of her . The rest were girls I hadn 't managed to meet . Not that they had wanted to meet me . The cameras lingered behind to capture whatever special moment was about to occur , and the rest of us moved on . We walked into the banquet room and there , looking more majestic than even I could imagine , were King Clarkson and Queen Amberly . Also in the room , more camera crews swarmed to catch our first meeting . I hesitated , wondering if we should all go back to the door and be invited in . But most everyone else - if somewhat hesitantly - kept walking . I walked quickly to my chair , hoping I hadn 't drawn attention to myself . I like this swara . so good , simple , bold and elegant . She has the guts to say it straight at your face . and sanskar he is what to say a prince in short is all I can say calm and composed . Very well written . Frnds , huh ? Let 's see what happens next . Nice one soo sorry couldnt tell uhow glad was i to c u back with a wonderful chappy previously …… . no worries …… i said it now i read your other works but this is the ultimate … . way to go nats …… . ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? hope u wouldnt mind e calling u that … . . Natasha di it 's wonderful , lovely etc … . Di is ragini here to become a princess or anything else ? ? ? ? ? ? / di try to update regularly … . . Why did swara say that she was five when that man told her that she was three ? ? ? U 4got me ? Well . . I was sick and my mob and tab was in my mom 's custody 4 last 5 days coz of my eye pain . . n she knows i wud go blind but still can 't live widout internet . . I 'm a wannabe fiction critic . . And i 'm reading ffs to understand dfrnt pov s frm dfrnt writers . . and i 'm now focusing on writing styles . I already did a essay on Chetan Bhagat 's style and i 'm sure he 's gonna hate me if he ever read it . # Lol then the truth . . I made a wild guess seeing those emojis . . |
Robert Allen Rippy was a lifeguard at a public swimming pool in Nebraska . He was 6 ' 2 " , blond , and worked out three hours a day after work . Although he was 20 years old , he still liked being a lifeguard . When he was eight years old , he had almost drowned in this same swimming pool when his cousin jumped on him from the edge of the pool and the force of the blow caused him to sink to the bottom of the pool . Fortunately for him , the lifeguard who was on duty had seen the incident and immediately jumped into the pool to save the young boy . The lifeguard grabbed hold of Robert and carried him to the surface . CPR was applied and young Robert 's life was saved . Now , in some cases such as this , some people might be reluctant to get back into the pool , but Robert was not mentally affected . After the lifeguard suggested that Robert stay out of the water and rest , the young boy did as he was told ( Robert always obeyed authority figures ) , but when the time was up , he went back into the pool . His cousin , however , was banished from the area for the rest of the summer . Most of the people who used the pool were parents who had dropped their kids off , so that the parents could have some time to themselves . There were also some senior citizens who would occasionally come by to use the pool or laze out on the deck chairs . Robert was always solicitous towards the older people and would get after any of the kids who may have gotten too boisterous . Robert would also come to the pool an hour before opening just so he could get some swim time for himself . He felt that it helped get his body limber and that he would not have to worry about cramping before the public arrived . One sunny morning in May , Tammy Lynn , his 19 year old girlfriend came to visit Robert at the pool . Tammy Lynn had been dating Robert for a year and she didn 't mind that Robert did not have a full time job . She knew how much Robert enjoyed working there , and because their relationship was in its " honeymoon " stage , she didn 't nag him about getting more stable employment . She also didn 't come to the pool very often because of her pale skin , which she considered one of the disadvantages of being a redhead . Robert picked up the plastic bottle of suntan lotion which Tammy Lynn had set beside the chair and squeezed some onto his hands . He slowly started with Tammy Lynn 's shoulders and worked his way down to her waist . By the time that he was finished , Tammy Lynn had still not told him what she had wanted to say . " I did tell them . My daddy said that that was irrelevant . He didn 't care if we went to the same college as long as I went . He insisted that I send off for some brochures from some colleges . He compromised a bit by saying that they didn 't have to be from out of state , but I should at least try . " " That 's not really a bad idea , Tammy Lynn . At least if you write to the colleges , your dad will see that you 're willing to give it a try . When you do get them , we could both look them over and decide how we want to go from there . " " I guess that you 're right . I 'll do it under protest though ! Well , now that that 's decided , I suppose that I should do some swimming . " Having said that , Tammy Lynn stood up and walked to the low end of the pool . She wasn 't adventurous enough to just run up and jump in though ; besides running in the pool area wasn 't allowed . Robert smiled at her , then returned to his tower . The first two brochures arrived in July and Robert and Tammy Lynn got together on one of Robert 's days off . It was a hot and humid day so they decided to sit out on the shaded porch and shared a pitcher of iced tea . The first brochure was from the local community college . Tammy Lynn wrote to them since they were only a two year college and she thought that it might pacify her father . Robert knew that the community college had a swimming pool but he wasn 't sure if they had a swimming program . Within a week , they had received brochures and applications from three institutions . Unfortunately , none of them had a swimming program and Tammy Lynn quickly lost interest . " California ? But that 's so far away ! I don 't know if my father would be willing to pay that much and , even though he likes you , I don 't think that he would trust us alone like that . " " That 's the thing ! If we find a program that you would want to get into , then we could get into the dorms . It 's not like we would be living together and we would see each other every day . It wouldn 't hurt to ask him , but before we do , we have to find something that you would want to study . " Robert came over for dinner exactly at 6 o ' clock since that was the time that Tammy Lynn told him to be there . Tammy Lynn 's parents liked Robert a lot and felt that he was a good match for their daughter . When everyone had finished dessert , Tammy Lynn 's father asked Robert if he had any plans for college . Tammy Lynn knew that this was her father 's not so subtle way of hinting to his daughter , but she had decided to let Robert bring up the subject of California . She looked over at Robert and gave him a nod of her head to indicate that this was the time . " As a matter of fact , I have Mr . Quincy . At first , I was thinking of going to school here in order to be close to Tammy Lynn , but , unfortunately , none of the schools here have a swimming program . I did find one college that has a program , but it 's in California . " " Yes , I have , daddy . I 've decided that I 'm going to be a nurse . This school has a very good nursing program and I could also live in the dorms and get a job . " " A nurse ? How lovely ! Herbert , I think that we will discuss this later . Now , Tammy Lynn , are you sure that you would be able to deal with all of the injured and sick people that you would have to help ? " " Oh , yes , mother ! I 've visited you a couple of times at the hospital and I didn 't get nauseous once . And there were some very bad cases , so , yes , I know that I could handle it . " By the weekend , Mr . Quincy gave in and Tammy Lynn applied for an application on her computer . By the beginning of August , both Robert and Tammy Lynn had been accepted to the school . They would have to be in Los Angeles by September 1st . By the time that they had both finished their second year at the university , they had both saved enough money in order to rent an apartment together . When Tammy Lynn 's father found out that they were living together , he was VERY unhappy , but his wife managed to calm him down by telling him that she felt that Robert was an honorable young man and could be trusted . Robert was doing very well in his swimming , had gotten a job as a lifeguard at Santa Monica beach and was working on a degree in sports medicine . As much as Robert enjoyed being a lifeguard , he knew that it wasn 't something that he could do for the rest of his life , which is why he went into sports medicine . It also was helpful that Tammy Lynn was earning a degree in nursing so that if either one of them had a problem understanding something they could go to each other and discuss it . Over all , they both felt that they had made the right decision in their choice of school . It 's true that sometimes their schedules conflicted , but it was always a joyous occasion when they discovered that they had two days in a row off together . When these rarities did occur , they would take turns deciding what they would do for entertainment . Robert usually chose a day at Venice Beach , a movie , and dinner . Tammy Lynn would choose either a museum or a visit to Hollywood 's tourist spots . The first time that she got to choose , she opted to go to Anaheim and spend the day at Disneyland , even though it put a strain on their budget , Robert agreed to it because he wanted to make Tammy Lynn happy . And so the next couple of years went by without any problems . Graduation Day quickly arrived and so did Robert and Tammy Lynn 's parents . The couple had a two bedroom apartment , even though they shared the one bedroom and had made the second bedroom up as a guest bedroom . Robert insisted that Tammy Lynn 's parents take the guest bedroom and Tammy Lynn and his mother could share their room . Robert 's father had died of a heart attack while Robert was in his third year at college , so Robert insisted that it would be no problem for him to sleep on the couch since it would only be for two days . The weather on Graduation Day was warm without being humid . Tammy Lynn was more excited about graduating than Robert was , but then he had prepared a surprise for later in the day . Robert 's mother was proud of him and would occasionally say out loud that she wished that Robert 's father could be there for the special occasion since Robert was the first member of the family to be a college graduate . Since the graduating class members were called in alphabetical order , it meant that Tammy Lynn would receive her diploma before Robert . Five minutes after having received her diploma and finding a seat , Robert 's name was called . Tammy Lynn smiled as he walked up to the dean and got his diploma , but instead of shaking his hand and walking off of the stage , Robert turned and faced the crowd . He cleared his throat , tapped the microphone , and looking at Tammy Lynn , smiled and began to speak : " This is a great day for all of us and , in some cases , even more for those who have come to see this . I would first like to thank Dean Standish for allowing me to say a few words , even though I am not a Valedictorian or on the Dean 's List . Gosh , I thought that this would be easy but … Tammy Lynn Quincy , will you consent to be my wife ? " The crowd was at first quiet , but then Tammy Lynn , with a slightly stunned look on her face , rose from her seat and yelled , " Yes ! I will ! " . Her parents , after getting over their shock , smiled and hugged each other . Robert 's mother was crying tears of happiness . Robert left the stage and quickly walked over to Tammy Lynn and the couple kissed for a seemingly long time , so much , in fact that the Dean walked up to the microphone and said , " May we continue now , Mr . Rippy ? " The couple broke off , blushed and Robert waved at the Dean to show that the ceremony could continue . After the ceremony , when the couple and the two families were all together , Robert took a small box out of his robe 's pocket , got on one knee and knelt before Tammy Lynn and placed a diamond ring on her finger . Everyone in their vicinity clapped and wished the couple all happiness . Tammy Lynn 's father insisted that they all go out to dinner to celebrate both of the happy occasions . He also insisted that he would also pay for dinner , " since I 'll be paying for the wedding also . " After much discussion , it was decided that the wedding would be held in Los Angeles on December 20th . The date was chosen so that Tammy Lynn 's parents could be at the wedding when Mr . Quincy was able to take a week off for vacation . Since Robert 's father had taken out a life insurance policy on himself for $ 500 , 000 and left his wife as his beneficiary , money was not a hindrance for his mother to not be able to attend . The couple 's mothers , in fact , flew in together so that they could help Tammy Lynn with all of the arrangements that needed to be taken care of . The most exciting day for the trio of women was when they all went to pick out a wedding dress . While Tammy Lynn was in the back trying on a dress , Mrs . Rippy asked Mrs . Quincy if she knew where the couple would be spending their honeymoon . " Oh , I don 't know about that . Besides , at a time like that , I think that a couple should have as much private time as possible . Oh , here comes Tammy Lynn . " After three hours of trying on dresses , the three women finally agreed on a dress that wasn 't too lacy or too extreme . That taken care of , they went and had lunch . When they finally arrived back at the apartment , Robert was waiting at the door for them with a big smile on his face . Tammy Lynn was in such a happy state that she almost didn 't notice her fiance standing there . When she finally saw him , she said , Tammy Lynn thought for a minute , then told Robert that he should accept the job , if that was what he wanted . He frowned when he heard the last part of the sentence , but then told her that Denver had great hospitals and that it shouldn 't be hard for her to get a job in one of them . Tammy Lynn decided that he was probably right and went over and gave him a big kiss . Both Mrs . Rippy and Mrs . Quincy discretely left the room . The wedding day was blessed with beautiful sunshine but it also had a nip in the air . The day before there had been the tail end of a rain storm , but that would not have any effect on the next day 's affairs . The wedding had taken place at an Episcopalian church and Robert thought that he heard a choir of angels singing when he saw Tammy Lynn being led up the aisle by her father . The glow of her smile shone through the diaphanous veil that covered her face . Time seemed to stand still for the couple as the ceremony proceeded . When it came time for the couple to exchange vows it almost became impossible to hear them over the sounds of the two mothers tears of joy . After the ceremony ended and the couple had been pelted with rice , everyone headed to the hall where the reception was to be held . As a joke , Robert and Tammy Lynn decided that they would bring a little something different to the party ; instead of the traditional bride and groom on top of the cake , they had the groom in a pair of swimming trunks and a top hat and the bride was in a nurse 's outfit wearing a veil . At first , the mothers were appalled , but when Tammy Lynn 's father let out a loud laugh , the women joined in the frivolity . Three hours later , the pair had changed their clothes and were followed out to the limousine that would take them to the airport . As soon as the plane was on its way to its destination , a hostess brought the newly - weds a bottle of champagne . Realizing that there was a newly - wed couple on board , the rest of the passengers applauded them . The pilot even sent his congratulations over the PA system . After an hour , when everything had settled down , Tammy Lynn and Robert fell asleep in their seats while holding each others hands . Two hours later , they were awakened when the hostess told them that the plane was getting prepared to make its landing in Honolulu . This was to be the first leg of their journey . They would spend their first night together in a hotel , and on the 22nd would continue their excursion . When they arrived at the hotel , laden with leis , they checked in and were escorted to their room . The next morning , since their flight would not be leaving until five o ' clock that evening , the couple went poolside and relaxed . Robert , of course , hit the water as soon as they had staked out their chairs . Tammy Lynn eventually joined him and they splashed around like a couple of children . They were even , once , warned by the lifeguard about their antics and they both laughed . Tammy Lynn insisted that they get out of the pool when she saw a waiter put a couple of drinks on their table . Both of them were really not heavy drinkers , but they felt that they couldn 't refuse when they saw the elaborate umbrella and fruit topping the glasses . After finishing their drinks , slowly , they went to their room and changed for lunch . " Come on , you know me better than that . Once a lifeguard , always a lifeguard . I would have waited an hour before jumping back into the pool . " They arrived at the airport two hours early as suggested by the airlines . Robert had acquired a nice new layer of his tan , while Tammy Lynn had a slight touch of sunburn on her nose and arms . It wasn 't bad enough to make the rest of their trip unbearable , but she swore that she would be more careful at their next destination . Eight hours later , their plane made its landing . In order to get to the next leg of their journey would require a car rental . The selection of cars was not that great , but they did manage to find something that would get them to where they needed to be . They managed to get to the resort early in the morning . They went to their fourth floor room , put their luggage down and took a short nap . By noon , they were rested enough to go on a walk through the surrounding town . They found a small cafe , ordered lunch , they went looking for some souvenirs . By the time that they returned to the hotel , the tropical sun had worked its way through their skin . They went to their room and changed into their swimwear and went down to check out the hotel 's swimming pool . Robert dipped his hand into the water and , deciding that it was just the right temperature , stood up and dived in . He called out to Tammy Lynn to come and join him . She thought it over and , laying her sun hat on a chaise lounge , slowly took the few steps into the shallow end of the pool . She eventually submerged the rest of her body into the water and swam over to Robert . Robert splashed her and she splashed him in return ; soon they were behaving like a couple of children . After fifteen minutes , Tammy Lynn got out of the water and walked over to the chaise lounge . She searched through the big straw bag that she had brought with her but couldn 't find the lotion that she thought that she had packed . She was about to head back to their room when Robert walked up to her . " Sit down , I 'll go and get it since I have the room key . " He had tied it on a string and wore it on his wrist . " I 'll be back in a couple minutes . " Robert had just entered their room , when he noticed that the birds which had been thrilling near their hotel , were silent . The air even felt different . He stepped out onto his balcony and looked towards the ocean . It took him a split second to recognize what he was seeing ; a giant wave which seemed to get bigger the closer that it got to the shore . He come out of his state of shock , ran back into the room and headed for the stairs . He had barely gotten halfway to the next floor down , when he felt to his knees when the tsunami smashed into the building . He quickly stood up and , keeping his balance by holding on to the walls , he rushed up to the top of the building . He ran over to the edge of the roof and saw umbrellas , chairs , carts , small thatch houses and some people being carried away . He started to scream because he was looking down on the side of the building where the swimming pool was located , and saw only swirls of dirty water pushing further inland . The only sign of what might have happened to his new bride was the sight of a straw sun hat being sucked into a small whirlpool . When he felt a tremor shake the building again , he walked back to the head of the stairs and started his descent . He was on the first step going down when a rush of debris filled water came crashing up towards him . He unconsciously turned around and ran up the stairs to the roof , hoping to outrun the water , even though , in his mind , he felt that he should wait for the water to catch up with him so that he could join Tammy Lynn in death . The rushing air created by the force of the tsunami almost knocked him over when he pushed through the rooftop door . Three hours later , when the water started to recede enough for him to climb the stairs down to the ground floor , he walked down in a state of shock . Amazingly enough , when he got to the lobby area , which was covered in debris , he was met by a man with a Red Cross band on his arm . The man led him out of the lobby into the mud - filled street where a make shift ambulance was sitting . As Robert was being handed up into the vehicle , he looked around to see if his wife , either dead or alive , was anywhere in sight . He didn 't see her and so he silently sat down on the wooden bench which was in the back of the truck . Robert was met at the airport by his mother and his in - laws . Robert 's mother silently walked up to him and hugged him to herself , trying to control her tears . Tammy Lynn 's mother looked like she was ready to faint , but her husband held her up and stroked her hair . There was no need to wait at the luggage carousel since all of Robert and Tammy Lynn 's possessions had been swept away by the tsunami . Robert carried a medium - sized bag which contained the clothes that he had been wearing during the catastrophe and had been donated to him from one of the relief organizations . September , and the new school year had started , when Robert arrived in Denver . His mother had stayed with him in Los Angeles after he had returned , afraid that he may do harm to himself because of his loss . He assured her that he wouldn 't do anything so desperate , so she went back to Nebraska . Tammy Lynn 's parents had stayed for a week , hoping against hope , that there would be some news about their daughter . They had to return home without any news or her body . Robert had moved into a one bedroom apartment near campus . He was shown around the campus by the dean himself , who , knowing about Robert 's story , felt that it was his duty to help the young man acclimatize to his surroundings . Even when the dean showed Robert the natatorium , he gave a slight smile but there was no light shining in his eyes whenever he saw a pool . He had been in Denver a week when he decided that he would go back and check out the pool area . He thought that he would swim a couple laps before going to bed . He walked over to a bench , took off his sneakers and his sweatsuit . When he was ready , he walked up to the edge of the pool , took a deep breathe and froze . Before his eyes , the calm , blue water in the pool changed into a swirling mass of gray water filled with debris . Robert stood there , reliving the trauma that he had experienced in that small Pacific Island resort . Without realizing it , Robert 's teeth began to chatter and his legs went weak . In a slice of time that he thought had disappeared , he saw himself back on the roof of that hotel , looking down and seeing a straw hat sink into a whirl down to a watery hell . His head started to spin and fearing that he too would become just another piece of flotsam , he tried to slowly walk backwards from the edge of the pool . When his vision cleared and all that he saw in front of him was the calm water of the swimming pool , he walked back to the bench , put on his clothes and shoes and walked out of the building . Robert went on to be a very good doctor for the Denver Broncos but never went near a swimming pool again . And if he ever sees a person wearing a straw hat , he turns around and walks the other way . Jeremiah Ellsmore Ford , or Jef as he was called by friends and family , was a very shy man . He was 5 ' 9 " , had mousey brown hair , gray eyes , and , instead of thick glasses , wore contact lenses most of the time . At the age of twenty - one , he had decided that he would work only in a position where he did not have to deal with people face to face . He had made this decision after having undergone a very embarrassing situation in his senior year in college . One of his dorm mates had discovered that Jeremiah was still a virgin and the insensitive boor had posted this fact on his Facebook page . The day after the notice had been posted , Jeremiah found himself being gawked at everywhere he went . He found out about the posting when he was in Biology class and a fellow student had slipped a copy of it on his seat . Jeremiah took one look at the posting , turned a bright red , and gathered up his books and backpack and fled from the auditorium . Unfortunately , Jeremiah liked to sit in the front row , and so when he ran from the auditorium , his embarrassed expression was there for all to see . As he clumsily ran through the auditorium doors , and nearly knocking over the TA , he heard the roar of laughter from the other students . Later in the day , Jeremiah had gone to his professors and asked them to allow him to complete his courses through his computer . Most of the professors were understanding of Jeremiah 's situation , but one was not . This was Mr . Blackmore , Jeremiah 's psychology professor . He told Jeremiah that he shouldn 't be ashamed of his " condition " and that it would be better for him to face his tormentors instead of allowing them to see that they had won . Jeremiah reluctantly agreed and once he confronted his dorm mate about the posting , the posting disappeared . Jeremiah graduated and then applied for a job at a Tech firm . Since his grades were so impressive , he was allowed to work from his one bedroom apartment . He only had to make occasional appearances at the company , but when he did , he was not required to be tOne day , Jeremiah received an e - mail . This , of course , was not unusual since Jeremiah spent most of his day on his computer , but this message was listed under Spam . Jeremiah , like most people who received spam , usually just deleted it without bothering to read it , but for some reason unknown to Jeremiah , he actually opened it . Maybe because the head line seemed to speak to something within his soul , Jeremiah opened the message . The head line had read : Meet the girl of your dreams ! Now , Jeremiah usually saw a head line for these mating services as a waste of time , but on this day , Jeremiah 's usually reserved sense of curiosity got the better of him . He clicked on the message and was amazed when a rainbow swirl of colors lit up his screen and was almost immediately replaced by graphics showing a wide range of pictures of smiling women . Suddenly , words popped up in large print : ARE YOU LONELY ? CAN ' T SEEM TO FIND YOUR SOULMATE ? WELCOME TO CUPID ' S HAVEN , WHERE WE GUARANTEE YOU THE MATE OF YOUR DREAMS ! TO CONTINUE , CLICK ANY KEY . Jeremiah clicked a key and after the lettering faded away , a questionnaire came up on screen . The introduction on the questionnaire said : This service offers you a chance to meet the person of your dreams . Answer all of the questions as truthfully as possible . None of your personal information will be shared with any other businesses or corporations . Once you have sent in your questionnaire , your information will be entered into our database . Photographs of three possible candidates will be sent to you , and you may choose one . If the first choice does not work out , you will be able to make a second choice from the remaining choices . The cost for this service will be $ 100 ( one hundred dollars US ) . In the unlikely event that you are not satisfied with any of your selections , your money will be refunded to you . If you agree to these conditions , then click AGREE . Jeremiah thought about this for a moment and then thought " What the heck ! " and clicked AGREE . He was then prompted to the firsThe first candidate was a fairly nice looking brunette named Alicia Goldman . She was 27 years old , had a PHD in Molecular Physics , graduated from MIT , and worked at the University of Rhode Island . Jeremiah thought that she looked a bit stern from her picture and so he checked the stats for the second candidate . Her name was Althea Williams , had blond hair , was 26 years old , and had her PHD in Chemistry . Jeremiah was impressed with her looks and her brains , but , before making his final selection , he checked out the final candidate . Her name was Miranda Chu . She had long dark hair , was also 26 years old , and had her PHD in Veterinary Medicine . Jeremiah did find her attractive but , since he had an allergy to cats , he decided that she would not make a very good prospect . He imagined that no matter how well - dressed Dr . Chu would be on their date , he was also afraid that she would have a pet which would aggravate his allergies . With all things taken into consideration , Jeremiah decided to choose Althea Williams as his first choice . He clicked on her picture and a small screen popped up which had Althea 's phone number , e - mail address , and best hours to phone . Jeremiah wrote down the information , logged off of his computer , and sat back in his chair . He wanted to plan out how he would approach Ms . Williams : would it be more personal to phone her verses e - mailing her ? What would he say to her and where would they go on their date ? Since Jeremiah was a shy person and also a very meticulous person , he wanted to make sure that when he finally did contact Althea Williams , he wanted to make sure that nothing would go wrong . After thinking about it overnight , Jeremiah finally composed an e - mail to Althea which he felt comfortable with . After waiting a few minutes in anticipation for a quick response , but not receiving one , he went back to his work site . Three hours later , he was finished working on his project for the day and checked his e - mail one last time . He was reasonably happy to see that Althea had responded to his mesThe next morning , which was a Friday , Jeremiah checked his messages to see if he was needed at work , and seeing that there were no important messages , he grabbed his car keys and went out to get some flowers for his date . While he was out , he also decided that he would look into getting a suit for that night . Most of the clothes in Jeremiah 's closet were either too leisurely or too out of date . Jeremiah , being such a low - key sort of guy , actually gave a full smile when he saw himself in the full length mirror at the store where he found a suit that made him look presentable . He also decided that he should get a haircut since it had been a month and he felt that he was looking a bit shaggy . After getting everything done that he needed to get done for his date , he went home and took a shower . When he had gotten home , and before taking his shower , he laid the suit out on the bed , admired it for a minute , and checked his computer , fearing that Althea might have changed her mind . There was a message for him from Althea , but all that it said was : " Shall we take my car or yours ? " Jeremiah replied that he would pick her up in his car and that he had already checked MapQuest for directions to her apartment . At 6 : 45 that evening , Jeremiah parked his car outside of Althea 's apartment complex . He checked himself in the mirror , grabbed the bouquet of flowers that he had bought earlier , and walked up to the entrance gate . He found Althea 's apartment number and pushed the buzzer . Despite the distortion of the speaker , when Althea answered the buzzer and rang him in , Jeremiah filtered out the noise and fell in love with what he perceived would be her real voice . Althea opened the door and told Jeremiah that she would be ready to leave in one minute , and exactly sixty seconds later , she told him that she was all set . Jeremiah appreciated a woman , or any person for that matter , who was exact . " Ah , yes , er , I thought that we would go to one of my favorite spots . It 's called Sadko 's ; it 's a Russian restaurant and it has a roaming balalaika group . I hope that you like Russian food and music . " " Yes , they do . They make a very good shchi , which is a cabbage vegetable soup . Would you be able to eat that … that is , if you want it . " Fifteen minutes later , Jeremiah was parking his car in the parking lot . He quickly got out of the car and ran around it so that he could open the car door for Althea . She thanked him and , in what was a major deal as far as Jeremiah was concerned , she put her arm through his arm as they walked up to the valet station , gave the valet the key , and walked into the restaurant . The maitre d ' recognized Jeremiah , picked up two menus and escorted the couple to their table . The maitre d ' told Jeremiah that their waiter would be with them shortly and wished them a good evening . " Yes , well , some of my company 's clients are Russian and I decided to learn the language . I ordered a bottle of mineral water if that is alright with you . I don 't drink alcohol . " The waiter arrived with the bottle of mineral water , poured it into their glasses and set the bottle on the table . He then took their order and left . Jeremiah slowly lost his shyness and by the time that their entrees had arrived , he and Althea were speaking to each other like old friends , not that that was the purpose of the date , but it helped . Soon , the small balalaika orchestra came to their table and started to play " Dark Eyes " . Althea said that she recognized the music and asked Jeremiah what the words meant . He told her that it was about a man who falls in love with a girl with dark eyes , which is considered a sign of great beauty in Russia . Althea smiled and Jeremiah felt , for the first time , that he might be falling in love . By the time that the meal was over and they were getting ready to leave , Jeremiah felt sure that he would be seeing Althea more often . Jeremiah gave the valet a nice tip when he brought the car up for them . When they were inside the car , Althea looked over at Jeremiah and thanked him for an enjoyable evening . He said that it was his pleasure , but didn 't say anything else because he felt that it might be presumptuous on his part . They finally arrived back at Althea 's complex , but , just as she was getting her keys out of her purse , they heard a threatening voice . " Give me your money , both of you , or the bitch gets it ! " Jeremiah saw a man about 6 ' 1 " , dressed in black , wearing a ski mask , holding a gun to Althea 's head . Jeremiah did nothing since he had never been in this sort of situation before . When the shock finally wore off , he tried to bargain with the man . In the meantime , Althea , who was a foot shorter than the man , struggled to get out of his grip . This only made the robber more angry , and Jeremiah quickly took out his wallet to give the man what he wanted . He grabbed the money from Jeremiah , loosened his hold on Althea only so that he could grab her purse . However , Althea , who know some defensive moves , tried to back jab the robber in the face with her elbow . Unfortunately , her jab was ineffective and angered the robber . He raised the gun and shot Althea . He then turned around and ran down the street . Jeremiah bent down to Althea 's body , and realizing that she was most likely dead , fell on his butt to the sidewalk . A neighbor who lived in the complex ran through the gate and saw the tableaux . She got her cellphone out of her robe pocket and dialed 911 . The police and an ambulance were at the scene within twenty minutes . While waiting for the police to arrive , the woman went back to her apartment and brought out a blanket for Jeremiah . She was a nurse and her instincts kicked in ; she knew Jeremiah must be in shock and that a blanket would be a comfort . When the police arrived , it took a while for Jeremiah to come back to reality in order to answer the officer 's questions . Since Jeremiah 's car was parked in a secure area , one of the officers gave him a ride home . Jeremiah got out of the officer 's car , walked up to his front door and let himself in . When he got inside , he slowly stumbled over to his couch and laid down . The next thing that he knew was that it was morning . He got up from the couch , and like one of the undead , walked into the bathroom , got undressed , and stood in the shower for a moment before slumping down in the shower and crying . It was one year after Althea had been murdered , and in all of that time , Jeremiah shut himself off more and more . Her killer had not been captured in that time and so Jeremiah felt less safe on the rare occasions when he did go out . He had also taken his name off of the list as a client for Cupid 's Haven . He began to lose weight because he would immerse himself in his work and forget to go out for groceries . In fact , it got to the point where when he did notice that he needed groceries , he would order them from a local store and have them delivered . One time his boss came by to see why he had missed an appointment to come into the office and was appalled to see the way that Jeremiah was living . He found empty food cartons and soda cans lying everywhere and Jeremiah looked like he had not shaved in a month . Jeremiah gave him some lame excuses for missing the appointment , and since his boss knew about the murder , he told Jeremiah that he would set things up so that if Jeremiah was required , he could just do a teleconference instead of trying to make an effort to come in . His boss also managed to get a promise from Jeremiah that he would clean up his apartment . He said that he didn 't want to see Jeremiah become a hoarder or read in the newspapers about Jeremiah being found dead under a pile of trash . Jeremiah promised that he would clean himself and his apartment and with that reassurance , Jeremiah 's boss went back to his office . That night , with a heavy rain storm howling outside , Jeremiah had a dream . In his dream , Jeremiah found himself all alone on a small island , with only his desk , chair , and lap top computer . He wandered around the island for a while , gathering some fruit and berries that he found in the jungle which rose up about a half mile from the shore . With his arms loaded up with some bananas , a fallen coconut , and some berries which he " sensed " were not lethal , he walked back down to the beach , ate a banana and turned on his computer . He logged in and began to work on a contract , when he noticed a blinking red light on the bottom right hand line . He had never seen such a thing before and , at first , was not sure what it signified and what he should do about it . He decided to pull his cursor down to it and hit enter . When he did this , his screen disappeared and he found himself on a video conference with his boss . This made no sense to Jeremiah and he was reluctant to do it . As he was getting ready to turn off his computer , in the background he saw Althea . He was shocked to see her , but it was too good to be true and so he touched the screen . The next thing that he knew was that he was standing in his boss 's office . He looked through the door and saw Althea starting to turn towards him . She had been looking out of a window , which Jeremiah saw was dark and had occasional flashes of lightening . He started to run towards her , but when she turned to face him , he saw her clothes had gun shots in them . He suddenly stopped and , from the left , a shadowy figure stepped out , raised a hand holding a gun and fired at Althea . At that moment , hundreds of people suddenly appeared and went to surround Jeremiah and they were all yelling " Surprise ! " . Jeremiah began to panic as the people crowded in closer to him . He also noticed that each person was holding a gun in their hands . Total fear gripped Jeremiah and he suddenly found the strength to push through the crowd and make his way back to his boss 's office . The computer was still on and he could see the waves breaking on the shore of the island . The moment that he got up to the computer , he touched the screen and found himself back on the beach . Unfortunately , the people in the crowd , led by his boss , also touched the screen and appeared on the island . After his boss appeared , the mysterious gunman appeared . Jeremiah found himself surrounded by hundreds of people and they were all pointing their guns at him . Jeremiah flailed his arms around and managed to clear a path towards the ocean . He had splashed out to where the water was coming up to his thighs when he found his feet stuck in the sand . He was slowly sinking and the crowd was following him into the water . He tugged at his feet as hard as he could , but he lost his balance and fell into the water face first . Jeremiah struggled and tried to put his hands on the sand in an attempt to keep himself from drowning . During his strugSuddenly , Jeremiah sat up in his bed with sweat pouring from his body . A bolt of lightening lit up the room and the boom of the thunder shook the glass in his windows . Jeremiah got out of his bed and walked into his bathroom , turned on the light , and stared at his face in the mirror . He got undressed and took a shower in an effort to calm his nerves . After drying off , he did not put his pyjamas back on , but put on a sweatsuit and went to his living room . He debated with himself , but he finally decided to turn on his computer . It was four o ' clock in the morning and Jeremiah , as he always did when he first logged on , checked his e - mail . There was nothing of major interest so he logged in to his work station . An hour later , he was starting to feel tired and , not wanting to go back to sleep , he went to the kitchen and made himself a pot of coffee and made two pieces of toast . He finished eating the toast , poured himself a cup of coffee and went back to his computer . For the next few weeks , Jeremiah did not have any more nightmares , but it took him a while before he could fall asleep . A month later , Jeremiah had just logged on to his computer when he almost fell out of his chair . On the bottom right hand line , a red light was blinking ! He slowly moved the cursor over to the light and waited for a message line to come on to let him know what its function was . When the message came on , it said " office line " . Before clicking onto the light , Jeremiah took a slow breath in and let it out . He clicked it on and a video screen came on and Jeremiah saw his boss 's face . When his boss saw Jeremiah 's face on screen , he yelled " Surprise ! " . Jeremiah 's face turned white , he fell out of his chair , and started screaming . His boss was shocked by Jeremiah 's reaction and tried to calm him down , but then suddenly , people that he worked with , in spirit , came through his door yelling " Surprise ! " and " Happy Birthday ! " . This was too much for Jeremiah . After Levitsky had finished with his conference , he had the Babble brothers brought to his office . Levitsky felt that he had made it clear to the Secretary and ministers what their assignments were to be and what the consequences would be for disobeying him would be . He had just poured himself another cup of coffee when his secretary brought the brothers in . All three of them , in their own ways , tried to exude an aura of confidence , but Levitsky could smell their fear . " So , gentlemen , I hope that you all have good news to report to me . " The brothers looked at each other , then Warren spoke up : " I 'm afraid that we haven 't heard anything yet . They have been told that they are to report directly to us upon a successful completion of their mission . " " I suggest that you call them and tell them that they are to have their missions completed within the next forty - eight hours or they will be terminated . " The way that Levitsky said this made it clear to the brothers that if their assistants failed in their missions , the brothers ' memberships in the Temple 's organization would also be terminated . All three of them assured Levitsky that the assignments would be carried out on time . Levitsky told them that he was to be notified as soon as they heard from the assistants . He then told them to return to their hotel and wait for the calls . After the brothers had left , Levitsky phoned Van Hesse . " Have you heard from Harper , Porter , or Djovic yet ? " " Not yet , but I have told them what to expect if they fail . " " I 'm afraid that we may have to go to a Plan B . The financial part of the Plan has been put into play and I will not accept any excuses for failure on your end . I think that I will have to bring in Rabisu . " " Rabisu ? Not to say that your decision is wrong , but do you really think that it will come to that ? Let me talk to them first before you have to resort to calling in Rabisu . " " You have 24 hours before I call in Rabisu . I would hate to have to give him your name as well as the others . OAnthophobia ( Fear of Flowers ) The legions traveling with the Emperor Hadrian and his lover , Antinous , were beginning to despise this trip that the Emperor insisted making . The sun of Greece was , like the embodiment of the god Apollo , shooting his arrows of heat and causing the vision of the Romans to blur . One soldier in particular , Flavius Claudius Tibero , however did not mind the heat at all . He was a large man who never complained but always sought to encourage his fellow soldiers by telling them jokes or leading them in a song . It was due to these qualities that the Emperor kept Tibero around him while on his various journeys throughout the Empire . The Emperor raised his head from the scroll that he was reading at that moment and , noticing that some of his men were slowing down , called for a rest stop near an olive grove . The men cheered the decision and rested where ever they could find a bit of shade . It was at this moment that Tibero removed his helmet and wandered into the grove to look for a place to relieve himself . He had just found a place 100 feet away in order to relieve himself . He was halfway through this process , when a breeze came up and suddenly Tibero found himself in a terrible bout of sneezing . His eyes began to turn red and his nose began to run , all the while trying to control the stream from his manhood . Finally , sensing that he was losing the battle , he started to run back towards the road , but just as he came in sight of his fellow soldiers , and the Emperor , he fell over a root from one of the olive trees and fell face first with his bare buttocks exposed to all . Several soldiers had heard the commotion coming from the grove , but when Tibero fell to the ground in such an embarrassing condition , all the birds in the surrounding trees flew away , frightened by the loud roar of laughter coming from all who saw Tibero . " Who among you has not at one time or another been rudely interrupted when Nature has called ? Sadly for me , Zephyrus decided to play me for a fool this time . " Having said this , Tibero looked up and shook his fist at the invisible deity and called out , " I 'll return such insult in kind , you mark my words ! " After having their midday meal , the Imperial party resumed their journey to the holy site of Delphi where the Emperor wished to consult with the Pythia . The Emperor and his group were returning to Rome after traveling through the rest of the Empire on what would be considered as a goodwill tour . Before returning to Rome , however , the Emperor , who was an enthusiastic traveler and lover of all things Greek , wished to visit all of the sacred sites of the Empire with the final , and in his eyes , the most Holy of Holy Sites , Delphi . The countryside in this part of the Hellenes was very beautiful and the Emperor 's lover insisted on this route from Athens , where they had landed in Greece , as the most scenic and safest road . Three hours after Tibero 's " unfortunate accident " , the Imperial entourage arrived at the Holy Site . The streets were crowded with vendors and other tourists , some of regal lineage and some who were representatives for such personages who were of such a distrusting nature that they refused to leave their countries in other people 's hands . There were even peasants among the crowds , leading sheep or goats to various temples as offerings to the gods that they had come to seek answers from , or to be more precise , from the god 's priest . The crowd , of course , made way for the Imperial parade , mouths gossiping or gaping as the Emperor rode past them . On occasion , a cheer would go up from some of them and the Emperor would give them a smile and wave . Most of the people in the crowd wished the Emperor well , especially after having gone through the reigns of some not so likeable Emperors . The last Emperor who had made a visit to the Hellenes , without having martial ambitions , had been Nero and he had been barely tolerated . When the Imperial entourage arrived at an estate on the west side of the complex , the soldiers took their positions while the Emperor 's servants brought in all of the baggage . Tibero and nine other soldiers were on the first shift at the entrance to the estate , which belonged to a Greek olive oil merchant who had done very well since he had a monopoly of his product throughout all of western and southern Greece . The merchant , his family and servants were not at the estate since the merchant had decided that he would conduct some business in Sparta while the Emperor was in Delphi . The merchant had no problem lending his estate to the Imperial party since he had been well paid for the privilege . In the meantime , the Emperor and Antinous staked out their personal quarters . Once settled in , the Emperor sat in the merchant 's office and spent his time going over petitions and other business which related to the running of the Empire . Hearing this , Tibero called for another guard to stand in for him while he escorted the High Priestess into the Emperor 's presence . The fact that the woman had come alone surprised Tibero and he asked the woman about this . She told him that everyone who came to Delphi recognized her and that it would be sacrilege if any person laid a hand on her . Tibero , who had been thinking about how he would repay Zephyrus for playing such an embarrassing trick on him , especially in front of the Emperor , told the Priestess that he was inquiring on behalf of his family who were farmers . Tibero felt no guilt in lying to such a holy personage , but his desire for revenge was stronger than his sense of piety . The priestess accepted Tibero 's explanation and told him where he would be able to find the temple . She also told him that it would also be a good idea to make offerings to the goddess Chloris , who was the goddess of flowers and the wife of Zephyrus . Tibero stiffened slightly when he heard this since he had always had an aversion to flowers since he would go into violent sneezing fits whenever he was around them . Finally , they arrived at the door of the mansion and Tibero told the guard who the woman was and why she was there . The guard saluted the old woman and escorted her inside . Tibero then returned to his post , waiting for the end of his shift so that he could put his plan in action . An hour later , the old priestess made her way out of the house and , as she came up to Tibero , she turned to him , smiled and told him to remember to make the proper offerings to the god and goddess . Tibero thanked the priestess for her advice and directions and when she was out of his sight , said in a low voice , " Oh , don 't worry old crone , I 'll be sure to give them all that they deserve . " Tibero was finally finished with his shift and he went into a building set aside for the soldiers as a barracks and dining hall . Some of his friends saw him and invited him to go out with them ; they had directions to a wine shop which was attached to the temple of Bacchus . Tibero asked them where it was and when he heard that it was close to the sanctuary of the wind gods , he agreed to go with them . After finishing his meal , and having not received any commands from the Emperor , Tibero and his friends headed for the wine shop . When they arrived , they were met by a priest , who was also the proprietor of the shop , who greeted them waving an ivory wand over each man 's head as he entered and a girl who placed a crown of ivy leaves on their heads . " Welcome , glorious soldiers of the divine Hadrian ! Come and drink ! Enjoy the beauty of the maenads who are here to entertain you ! May the god bless you with his insight ! Welcome , welcome ! ! " Laughing at the sight of the so - called ' maenads ' , each of the soldiers took the hand of a girl who walked up to them with jugs of wine and sat at a table . Tibero enjoyed himself , but did not let himself get too drunk , so that he could find a way of slipping out of the shop discretely and making his way to the sanctuary of Zephyrus . After drinking two small jugs of wine , Tibero got up from his couch and started to make his way to the door of the wine shop . One of his friends called out to ask him where he was going , so he turned around , smiled and roared , " Out to piss so that I may pray more to the god ! " His friends , on hearing this , returned his quip with shouts of laughter and " Aye , to the god ! " When Tibero got out to the street , he leaned against the wall of the wine shop for a moment in order to get his bearings straight . Once the fresh air revived him , Tibero walked down the street towards the sanctuary that the priestess had told him about . It didn 't take him long to find the temple that he was looking for . There was only two torches lighting the fairly small temple , but Tibero managed to find the statue of the god that he was seeking . To the side of the statue of Zephyrus , there was a niche which held the statue of the god 's wive , Chloris . At first , Tibero was a bit reluctant to get too near the statue when he noticed that there were some flowers lying on the goddess ' altar , but he took one of the torches and noticed that the flowers had dried up , so he put the torch back into its holder and advanced a few steps towards the god 's statue . " So , you find my malady a source of amusement , do you ? Well , let me be the first to return the favor . " Having said this , Tibero turned his back to the statue , lifted his robe and let loose with a loud and long fart . Completing his mission , he lowered his robe and , looking over his shoulder , laughed at the statue of the god and took a step towards the temple door . He was almost out of the building when he heard the sound of a wind blowing and , suddenly , a loud voice echoed from the statue . Tibero was shaken to the core when he heard this and ran out of the temple as fast as he could . He ran all the way back to the wine shop and grabbed a goblet from one of the women dressed as a maenad . He found an empty couch and , with trembling hands , gulped down the wine . One of his fellow soldier 's noticed Tibero when he ran back into the shop and staggered over to his couch , " What , o Tibero , has happened ? Surely you can not be frightened of the night ? Or did some Greek boy try to bugger you while you pissed ? " The soldier and his friends laughed out loud when he said this , but Tibero was not listening to them . He took up a nearby jar of wine and drank it , but his hands were shaking so much , that he spilled most of it . Tibero decided that it was a waste of his time trying to get so drunk that he would be able to forget the god 's curse on him , that he got off of the couch , said farewell to his friends and went back to the barracks . Tibero had some difficulty getting to sleep , but eventually , the wine worked its magic , and Tibero fell asleep . The wine had also the additional benefit of making sure that Tibero suffered no ill dreams . The next morning , Tibero was rudely awakened by the captain of the guards , who pushed Tibero off of his cot and unto the floor , telling Tibero that he had ten minutes to report to his post . Tibero looked up at the captain with blurry eyes and throbbing head and slowly rose from the floor and went outside to dip his head in a barrel full of cold water . The horrifying scene from last night was forgotten for the moment and Tibero quickly dressed and ran to relief the guard at the gate . Later in the morning , he was chosen to be one of the soldiers who would accompany the Emperor and Antinous to their meeting with the Pythia . Two days after Hadrian 's meeting with the Pythia , it was decided that the journey would continue and head back to Rome . At the docks of Delphi , men were loading up triremes with stores and souvenirs for the short trip across the Ionian Sea towards Rome . The Emperor had also decided that since their voyage would bring them close to the isle of Ithaka , that they would make a short pilgrimage to see the sights of the land of the hero Odysseus , who the Emperor and Antinous admired for his wisdom . Tibero was of two minds about returning to Italy since he remembered , after the wine 's fumes cleared from his mind , the words that the statue of Zephyrus had spoken to him . The side trip to Ithaka was , in a way , a relief to Tibero since it meant that his life would be prolonged a while longer . As the ship left the port , Tibero stood at the rail and looked out at the blue waters and then checked the sails to see what direction the wind was blowing . Since the wind was blowing towards the West , Tibero started to sweat since Zephyrus was the god of the west wind . Tibero 's fear was abated when the isle of Ithaka was sighted and the party made land without incident . Three days later , the imperial flotilla set sail from Ithaka and headed for the port of Brindisium . The sea was relatively calm , the sky was a bright blue with an occasional cloud , and the wind was perfect for this time of year . Tibero tried to keep his mind occupied by shining his armor and sharpening his sword . The Emperor and Antinous stood at the prow of the ship soaking in the fresh sea breeze and chatted . As Tibero stood up to buckle his sword back on , a seagull flew over head and screeched . The seagull had been carrying something in his bill but when he called out , it fell down and landed at Tibero 's feet . Tibero might not have noticed the object since it made no sound when it hit the deck of the ship , but Tibero had looked up , for some unknown reason to himself , and saw the object gently floating down and was a little surprised when the object landed at his feet . It was a single poppy . Tibero stooped down and picked it up gingerly and shivered . A soldier who had been standing nearby at the ship 's rail saw Tibero pick up the flower and noticed that his comrade had turned deathly white . " Never mind . All that I will tell you is that a god told me that I would be slain by my biggest fear , and flowers have always been a torment to me . This poppy is no mere flower and this was no mere chance that it landed at my feet . Poppies , as you may know , are the flower of the god Morpheus , the god of sleep and dreams . I see this as an omen . " " It was not Morpheus who I offended , " Tibero said quietly . " Morpheus is usually , like Mercury , a messenger of the gods and I see this as a fatal reminder . " Having said this , Tibero walked over to the railing , and waiting for a favorable breeze , dropped the flower in the sea . He watched the poppy drop on the top of a wavelet which carried it away , back towards Greece . Ten minutes later , the sound of the military trumpet called out " Assembly " and the soldiers proceeded towards the prow of the ship where the Emperor and his entourage were standing . " My friends and fellow soldiers , I have called you all to thank you for your loyalty and patience while we have been on this pilgrimage throughout the Empire . I know that it has been over a year since many of you have seen your families . I know that it has been a while since many of you have yearned for the pleasures of Rome ( loud cheers ) . Our journey is nearing its end and I , your Emperor , wish to let you know that this time together has been a great joy to me . The captain has told me that we shall be arriving in Brindisium within the hour . When we arrive , we shall make a slight detour to my villa outside of the city and you all are to be my guests at a feast which I have made arrangements . The day after , we shall head for Rome and when we arrive , it is hoped that the Senate will arrange a triumph for you all . I have sent orders that this is to be done and that there shall be games arranged for a full month . Each man of you shall also receive ten gold denarii as a bonus for your loyal service . " When the soldiers heard this , all throats let out a loud roar of joy and the men turned to each other and clapped each other on their backs . This caused Tibero to forget about the poppy and he joined his friends in a toast to the Emperor . The soldiers dispersed and gathered all of their armaments and other possessions . The captain of the guards walked up to each decurion and let them know what order of debarkation their groups would be in . Tibero 's group would be the last group to debark from the ship once the Emperor 's ship docked . When the Emperor 's ship docked at the pier of Brindisium , there were people rushing up and tossing rose petals at a path that they thought that the Emperor would walk . The people were held back by soldiers from the local garrison while a welcoming committee waited at the foot of the gangplank . The leader of the welcoming committee had brought his young daughter with him ; she had been brought so that she could present the Emperor and Antinous with crowning wreaths of olive leaves . The first rank of the soldiers who had traveled with the Emperor walked down the gangplank and the committee members stepped back a few paces so that the soldiers could keep in formation . The Emperor and Antinous came down the gangplank side by side after the second platoon had disembarked . The Emperor and Antinous stopped a few paces in front of the welcoming committee and , with some nudging from her father , the girl stepped up to the Emperor , who , with a smile on his face , lowered himself so that the girl could place the wreath on his head . Antinous did the same thing and the girl curtsied and ran back to her father . After this , the man gave his welcoming speech which Hadrian listened to very patiently . Some of the soldiers , however , were not as patient and they started to cough softly , lift a leg as if trying to get the blood to flow back into it , or to swat at an imaginary fly . As a soldier himself , the Emperor was aware of his men 's unease but politeness dictated that he give this official his attention . Fortunately , the man 's speech did not last too long and the Emperor thanked the man , told him that they would be going to the Imperial villa outside of town , and be on the road to Rome on the following day . The party then proceeded to march through the crowd which had gathered , which delighted Tibero and his group who had had to wait on or at the foot of the gangplank while the Emperor was greeted by the local dignitaries . With eyes straight ahead after his group of soldiers were in their formation , Tibero did not notice the rose petals which had been strewn by the town 's inhabitants . When he did see them , he clenched his teeth and managed to stay in formation . He was glad when the Imperial party had left the boundaries of Brindisium and were on the Via Appia heading for Hadrian 's villa . He breathed easier when he decided that maybe Zephyrus was preoccupied and had forgot about him since he was still alive . Even when marching through the rose petals , he had not been affected which was a relief . When the party arrived at the villa , Tibero stored his belongings and was ready to go see if he could get something to eat from the kitchen , but he was stopped from his goal by the captain of the guard . Tibero started to jog towards the villa with more than the heat of the day causing him to sweat heavily . He stopped at the doorway of the courtyard and told the guard that he had been summoned by the Emperor . The man said " follow me " and led Tibero through the courtyard and into a wing of the house where the Emperor met with officials . When Tibero entered the room , he saw the Emperor and Antinous laying on a couch sipping some wine which had been made on the grounds of the villa . Tibero then proceeded to remind the Emperor of the incident at the olive grove while they were on their way to Delphi . The Emperor looked over at Antinous and , at the same time , they both laughed out loud . " And by what means did you commit this sacrilege , " the Emperor said while trying to look at Tibero with a stern face . " Well , your Majesty , when the High Priestess came to see you at Delphi , I asked her if there was a temple dedicated to the Anemoi and she told me . That night I went with some of the men to a wine shop which happened to be near this temple . After being at the shop for an hour , I got up to pretend that I needed a pissorium and , instead I went to the temple . While there I gave the god some of my own wind . However , when I was leaving the temple , the god spoke to me . " When Hadrian heard this , he sat up from his couch and asked Tibero what the god had said to him . Tibero told him and the Emperor sat for a moment thinking over what Tibero had said . While waiting for the Emperor to decide his fate , Tibero shuffled his feet and stared down at the ground . Finally , the Emperor spoke . " Since our party was able to cross the sea to Brindisium safely , I shall not inflict any lashes on you for your misdeed . However , you are to take a horse from my stable and ride down to the town where there is , I know , a small temple dedicated to the Anemoi and pray for the god 's forgiveness . As an additional punishment , you are also to take a bundle of flowers and put them on the altar of the god 's wife , Chloris . " " I will not hear any buts from you Tibero . I shall have my dear friend Antinous here accompany you and make sure that you perform everything that I have commanded . You leave in fifteen minutes . " " Yes , Majesty . " Tibero then left the room and headed to the stables reserved for the members of the Emperor 's cavalry to choose a horse . Tibero had had some experience riding horses , but it had been a while . He chose a brown filly with a white star between her eyes . Antinous met him at the front gate of the villa with a smile on his face . The trip back to Brindisium flew by quickly as Tibero found that the Emperor 's " boy " , as he was referred to by the soldiers , was a very good companion . Tibero , for a quick second , thought that if he had had the same leanings as Hadrian , that he would have hoped to find a comrade just as amiable as Antinous . The smell of the sea eventually reached the men 's noses and Tibero fell slightly behind Antinous since he knew where the temple to Zephyrus and Chloris was located . They went through the small town square and then turned their horses up a side street for about a half mile . Antinous halted his horse when they reached the site and he looked at Tibero , waved him to get off of his horse , and pointed to a small stall situated at the right hand side of the entrance . At the stall , a young priestess sat on a stool and sold flowers to incoming worshippers . Antinous said to Tibero : " Remember , don 't be stingy with your offering ; the Emperor wishes to know that all of the gods favor him . " Tibero blanched when he saw the priestess , who had heard what Antinous said , get up off of her stool and present him with a large bouquet of roses with some irises interlaced in between each rose . Tibero took a cautious step towards the priestess , then stopped to test the wind , to see if it was blowing from the direction of the flowers . Since he did not start having a sneezing fit , Tibero held the flowers at arms length and asked the priestess how much they cost . Tibero reluctantly handed the priestess the coins and walked into the temple . Once inside , he stopped for a moment so that his eyes could get adjusted to the weak light coming through the slits carved in each direction which represented each of the four Anemoi . He turned to the left , which represented Zephyrus , the West Wind , and saw the statue of the god and that of his wife . He quickly stepped over to the altar in front of Chloris , placed the flowers in front of her statue , and made a quick bow of obeyance to her . Then , the moment that Tibero had not really been looking forward to ; asking Zephyrus ' forgiveness . Tibero was not the sort of man who forgave an insult , no matter who it came from . He looked up at the statue 's eyes and was about to reluctantly ask for the god 's forgiveness , when throughout the temple , a small earthquake shook the building and which was followed by a strong wind . Tibero fell to his knees in fear and was about to pray for the god 's forgiveness when he heard that terrible voice echo around the stones again . " So you think to avoid your fate when I still see pride in your heart . Go , little man , and accept your destiny . " Hearing this , Tibero leapt up from the cold stone floor and ran out of the temple . Once outside , he jumped on the horse that was waiting for him , which was a bit difficult since the earthquake had caused the horse to become skittish . Tibero whipped the hindquarters of the horse without waiting for his companion to join him . The horse flew down the cobbled street and was in the square in little time . At that exact moment , a strong gust of wind came out of the west and the horse rose up on his hind quarters and Tibero fell off of his back and hit the street . The horse skittered and also fell to the street and landed on Tibero 's body . Tibero had been knocked on the head when he fell and was starting to stand up when the horse knocked him back down and , due to the horse 's weight , killed Tibero . When Antinous arrived on the scene , he found the horse wandering around the square and Tibero 's body lying in a field of rose petals , which the people who had greeted the Emperor and his party , had tossed in his path . Antinous sighed , got down off of his horse , captured the other horse and placed Tibero 's body on the horse 's back . An hour later , Antinous returned with Tibero 's body at the villa . When the Emperor was informed about what had happened , he ran out to make sure that Antinous was not injured . Satisfied that Antinous was not harmed , the Emperor asked him for more details as they walked back into the building . After hearing Antinous ' story , the Emperor sighed , looked at his lover and said , |
Category Archives : Short Stories Fired From the CIA June 22nd , 2007 Viewed 1133 times It is the classic tale , but not anything like you would imagine . Here I am , sitting on my bed wondering what could have happened … Well , best start at the beginning . It was a usual day . I had awakened early , as usual , and was getting for the day ahead . The forecast was cloudy - as if the weather knew something that I didn 't . I picked up the morning paper outside my apartment before riding the elevator to the parking garage and getting in the car . It was a quick drive to the CIA office . I showed the guard at the door my badge . " Michael Weston . You 're cleared to enter , Mr . Weston . " I nodded and walked inside and took a place at my desk . " You know - your girlfriend 's blog . She has written all sorts of things about you . " It was at this point that I wish I could have said something - but it was too late . It was at this point that I heard the clip clopping of shoes headed toward my desk , as two men in suits approached me . They asked for me to follow , and I did not refuse . I was taken in to the director 's office , and asked to sit down . I complied and the men left . " Well , your pictures and name are all over this blog . See , " he said , turning around his laptop , " here you are at a social gathering . Here 's another on a church van . This just won 't do . We can 't have one of our operatives being so exposed , so I 'm afraid that we can 't have that kind of activity . So , you 're either going to have to dispose of these pictures and stop attending church functions , or I 'm afraid that we 'll have to ask you to leave . " It 's very human to begin looking for something and then forget what you 're looking for . Tennessee Williams tells a story of someone who forgot - the story of Jacob Brodzky , a shy Russian Jew whose father owned a bookstore . The older Brodzky wanted his son to go to college . She was lying on the ground . In her arms she held a tiny baby girl . As I put a cooked sweet potato into her outstretched hand , I wondered if she would live until morning . Her strength was almost gone , but her tired eyes acknowledged my gift . The sweet potato could help so little - but it was all I had . Taking a bite she chewed it carefully . Then , placing her mouth over her baby 's mouth , she forced the soft warm food into the tiny throat . Although the mother was starving , she used the entire potato to keep her baby alive . Exhausted from her effort , she dropped her head on the ground and closed her eyes . In a few minutes the baby was asleep . I later learned that during the night the mother 's heart stopped , but her little girl lived . Love is a costly thing . God in His love for us ( and for a lost world ) " spared not His own Son " to tell the world of His love . Love is costly , but we must tell the world at any cost . Such love is costly . It costs parents and sons and daughters . It costs the missionary life itself . In his love for Christ the missionary often must give up all to make the Savior known . If you will let your love for Christ , cost you something , the great advance will be made together . A Valentine Story August 26th , 2006 Viewed 1338 times " Just a little lower , " cried a man standing on a stage below . " That 's it . Now , the other side . " The giant " Cupid " figure came to rest in what would be it 's final resting spot . A scrawny boy of twelve climbed down a ladder , wiped his hands off on his jeans , and walked over to the man . " That 's a very good job , Jimmy , " the man commented . " All right , class . It 's time to vote for class representative . I 've looked over the qualifications , and only three people in this class fit : Harry , Jimmy , and Helen . " The class turned and looked toward Harry , who grinned . " Everybody get out half a sheet of paper and vote for the two people that you think should represent the class this semester . " Getting out sheets of paper , the class began to write . " I think that I 'll go to the bathroom , " Cody stated , with a grin . He took off , and then returned to report on the counting . " It appears as though it will be you and Harry . " Walking in the house , Jimmy and his mother carried in the groceries . Jimmy headed up to his room to go to bed , when he noticed the letter on his desk . Reaching over to open it , he looked at the address . There was no name on it , just a return address . He ripped open the letter and took out its contents . There was a sheet of folded notebook paper , and a piece of construction paper cut into a heart . Looking first at the construction paper , he unfolded it , and looked at it for a second . All it said on it was " Happy Valentines Day . " Opening it up , he read , " Thank you for making my day brighter and happier . You 're a good guy , and good guys are hard to find . Hope this day sees you well and happy too . Love , A friend . " Then it stopped . He looked all over it trying to find a name , but found nothing . He looked at the paper and read its brief contents . There wasn 't much on it , for it was a flier for the play he was working on . Written on the bottom were the words : " With special thanks to Jimmy Russell for all his hard work and good spirit . " He placed the two things on his desk , and got ready for bed . Climbing inside his covers , he turned out the light . As he sat in bed , a tear trickled down his eye , for someone stopped to take notice of him , more than thanks for coming , or you 're doing a good job . More special to a person is someone who shows that he cares by going above and beyond to minister in little ways that seem so small at the time , yet make such a difference in a soul that just wants someone to take a little notice of the little things . It is small things that make a difference , and small people that can be used mightily . Take time to do something unexpected for someone sometime , for that is what encourages the most . His Will August 20th , 2006 Viewed 1340 times Finding that I could no longer stare as many around me seemed to disappear , I decided that it was finally time to see where these people were all going . I mean , it didn 't make sense that someone standing right next to me seemed to disappear right before my eyes without a trace . I had been walking this way for a long time , for as long as I can remember . No , I 'm not quite sure where it leads , but I think that it 's about time I find out . " I don 't know , I 've been going this way for a long time ! I hope to find out where it leads soon . " The man answered . " I 've just been wondering where all these people have been disappearing to . I mean , just yesterday there was this girl to my right . She looked healthy and all - " " Sorry , don 't have a clue . Perhaps you could try that guy over there . " The man pointed across the way to another man . I thanked him , and decided to go over to the man . " Well , some say that it 's a great party that we 're going to . Others say that it 's really hot . Still others don 't think that we ever quite get there . " " No one really likes to talk about the disappearances . Some think that they are taken back to the beginning of the road . Some think that they get taken to the party , or whatever is at the end . Some just think that they vanish from existence . " The Endless Quest August 17th , 2006 Viewed 1154 times It 's been three days since the plane crash , and I still don 't know what to do . Girding on the last pack of rations from my plane , I know that I 'm a long way from civilization . I 've started to head North - east in hope that I might come upon some water , for I fear that my supply will run out fairly quickly in this dry desert . It 's been an interesting day . Opening my map , it told me that I could find an oasis west of my position . Still , I don 't see an oasis , and I 'm sure that if I continue on my present course I will find water soon . It 's really dry and barren out here . It 's about 100 degrees in the shade , if I could find some . There are no trees that I can see . I think I recall a large rock on my way here . I think that I will try to find it before day break . Today I found a caravan of people moving west . One of them stopped for a second and came back to me . He chatted with me and told me something about water to the west and an oasis . He pulled out a map similar to my own , yet I told him that I knew my way , and that I could find water on my own . He 's crazy . I mean , why would I want to give up my home to follow him and his band of tunic - wearing friends . Some people just don 't understand that they 're not the only ones with the right way home . I need to make my own choice , not be bossed around by another . It 's getting rather hot out here . My water will soon run out . That , and my rations are slowly thinning . Well , at least I 'm getting thin . I wonder when I 'll get home . Boy , I 'll sure be glad to see my nice bed . I had the weirdest dream this morning . I dreamed that my children were gone when I got back . My ex - wife had taken them and I would never see them again . I don 't understand it . I mean , it just didn 't work out , that 's all . Then , my new wife left me for the next door neighbor . I woke up and looked at the map . It pointed westward once again , yet I know that home is North - east . I saw some guys in a dune buggy today . That must mean that I 'm getting close . They were nice guys and all , but they wanted to take me west . I told them , " I 've heard about that place in the west . They don 't tolerate people like me . In fact … " I listed some things that I had heard . They begged me to go with them , but I refused . It 's my choice . It 's my life . I have the right to do with it as I chose , and no one 's going to tell me how to run my own affairs . There are many signs the Christian has along the road of life . God is not in the business of saying " Ha , Ha , Ha . They 'll never guess what my will is ! " He is in the business , however , of developing a personal relationship with those that believe Him . His word shows us the way , and we must be willing to follow . Our friends that are around us try to exhort us , but we must listen . We must not look at who we are , but who He is and what He has done for us . Chris and Lucy entered a building looking for Manuel . In a room they found a note and a lighted candle . Chris looked at the note and read it aloud : ' Hi ! It 's 2 : 30 , and I 'm leaving to run some errands . I 'll be back in a couple of hours . BTW , the electricity is out , so I lit a candle for you . - Manuel . ' Then Lucy said , ' I know how we can find out how long it 's been since he left ! Look , the candle has been burning since he lit it and has a significant amount of wax that 's melted and dripped down . If we figure out what the rate is which the wax is melting and measure the amount of wax that has thus far dripped , we can work backwards to find out how long it has been since he left . ' Chris said , ' Why waste your time ? The note says he left at 2 : 30 . ' Lucy said , ' Don 't believe everything you read . ' Chris replied , ' Look , I 've known Manuel for a long time , and this is his handwriting . Don 't be ridiculous . ' Lucy replied , ' Ah yes , but what does he mean by " 2 : 30 " ? A note like that is subject to interpretation . Suppose he was talking about another time zone or something . ' And so a short philosophical argument ensued about the note . However , Lucy prevailed and insisted on performing the measurement and calculations . A few minutes later , Lucy announced : ' Well , I 've got bad news for us . Based on the amount of wax that has melted and the rate at which the wax is melting , I can confidently tell you that it has been at least one whole day since this guy left . He was probably talking about 2 : 30 yesterday . And since he said that he 'd be back " in a couple of hours " , we can assume that something happened to him and he 's not coming back at all . So much for your " note " . ' Just then , Manuel walked in . Lucy said , ' Are you this guy " Manuel " ? What took you so long ? ' Manuel replied , ' What are you talking about ? I left you guys a note saying I 'd be back in a couple of hours . It hasn 't even been that long . ' Lucy said , ' Never mind the note . I measured the amount of wax that has dripped off your candle , and the rate which the wax was melting . I know you 've been gone since yesterday . ' Manuel replied , ' First of all , that candle isn 't burning anywhere near as brightly as when I first lit it . Second of all , I didn 't light a new candle , but a used one . And thirdly , I used another candle to light this candle and in the process the wax from that candle spilled all over this one . ' Lucy said , ' So you set up that candle to deceive us , to make it look like you left the room over a day ago , when in fact it 's been less than a couple of hours . ' Manuel replied , ' Look , I left you a note telling you when I left . I never intended for you to conduct some silly experiment measuring wax dripping off of a candle to figure out when I left . I put the candle there so you guys would have some light . ' " Good . Now come over here to me , " she instructed . The boy made his way over to her . It was an experience that the boy hadn 't had in years . To have that much water surrounding his body was a curious sensation . Something that he would take some time getting used to . " Well , here . Let me show you some strokes . " She swims to the right and starts to demonstrate different strokes as the boy watches on . She goes back and forth with seemingly effortless motion . " Well , not right at first . Let 's try this . Hold on to this , " she instructs , as they both turn to grab onto a piece of metal bar that is on the side of the pool , " and see if you can float . " He held onto the bar , and his feet went up . " I think so . Let 's see . " He quickly stuck his head under and brought it back up . " That was weird . I was scared . " At one point , she tried to get him to do the back float while he held on to two bars . " Okay , now all you have to do is to keep your belly button pointed to the sky . Can you let go with one hand . I 'll keep my hand on your back . " So he let go with one hand , but didn 't know what to do with it . The floating feeling was strange , and he felt he had no control . He placed his hand on her back , to get support , just as the life guard called for everyone out of the water . As Christians , we must trust God with all of our heart . It is not an easy thing , yet with practice , turning one 's life over to Him can result in a wonder of how we ever lived without Him . Of all people , He is the One that loves us the most , and gave us His Son to die for us . Like the boy in the story , we can trust Him with our lives , yet , too often we need to have control of the situation ourselves . To give Him all things is to secure all things , so why is it so difficult ? We must learn to deny ourselves if we want to be fit for His service . Casting Every Burden October 4th , 2004 Viewed 1165 times Walking down the long road , from where he was to where he was going , a lone slave made his journey . He was determined to finish the course , to make his way home . He had been a pilgrim in this weary land for far too long . It seemed like many years , more than he could remember , that he was placed here , under the care of a ruthless master who had no care for him - even whether he lived or died . He wasn 't mistreated too badly . In fact , many would say that he had it well off . He was provided for , it seemed , but much was missing from his life . So , the servant was now following where his faith led . It was to a destination that he 'd only heard stories about when people passed his way . Few had ever been there and returned , and who blamed them ! From what the servant heard , you 'd be crazy to want to come back . The path was difficult , the journey tough . There were many pitfalls , and it was impossible to tell if he was making any progress toward home or not , or when he would get there . " Well , I am kinda thirsty . " With that , the servant stops . He goes totake a glass of water , but as he nears it , and brings it to his lips , he throws the water down . " I can 't drink this ! I 'm on a mission ! " A little further down the road , there is a great gulf that seems to go for miles . It 's right in the way of the path . The servant isn 't sure if he can climb down the cliff or even go the distance . The former servant returns to his side . " So , how come your new master leads you to cliffs that you cannot cross . You 'd think that He 'd at least have a swinging bridge here or something ! " " That does look nice and cool . " He starts to head over to the tree , but realizes that he has to conquer the gap , and it 's still going to be there when he gets up . It has to be now . So , he gets up and starts to cross . " Nope , " grins the former servant , " you forgot a few things . " Getting out of the truck , the other servant takes the tarp off of the truck to reveal a bunch of items , pictures , tokens , and things that remind the servant of who he was , of the mistakes he made . In fact , there 's even a picture there of the water and the gap . " No ! I have all I need . " Yet he finds himself , one by one , taking things from the truck and examining them . Before he puts them in his bag and continues , he looks up . Thinking of his master , he drops them to the ground , pulls out a piece of paper , and writes something to remember - about his master , where he was , and the deceitful ways of a by gone time . Christian , you 're on a mission . Don 't let yourself get distracted . Don 't let the things of this world tempt you . And , most importantly , don 't let Satan have you take back upon yourself the burden of sins confessed . They were laid on Christ . " Take my yoke upon you … for m yoke is easy and my burden is light . " This is what Christ says , happy are we if we do it ! Where is Your Treasure ? September 29th , 2004 Viewed 853 times Slipping through the narrow street , the young man scampered over the things in the alleyway until he reached an old , broken - down shack that lie at the end . He carefully walked up , turned around to see if anyone had followed , and then opened the creaky old door . It squeaked as it opened , and he looked to see if anyone had heard . No one was there . Not a sound . He carefully walked into the shack , and closed the door slightly behind . A cat jumped off it 's perch , and nearly scared the boy to death as he swerved away from it . Panting , he held his hand to his chest , feeling his heart pounding inside . A few minutes later and the boy caught his breath and continued inside . Like he was the builder of the shack , he made his way to the back and to an old trunk . Being careful that no one was watching , he lifted the latch and lifted the lid . A smile warmed over his face as he gazed at the trunk 's contents . Inside , laying in a bed of sawdust , was a rock . Not just any rock , but the most precious treasure to this young man for in the corner of the rock shined a sparkling gem , of which he was sure was the prettiest diamond he 'd ever seen . He dared not tell anyone about it , for they would surely want his gem . Back at his house , his family all gathered around the table for dinner . The father , a farmer by trade from many generations of farmers , sat at the head of the table , as the mother , arms resting on the counter , seemed like she was going to break into tears . " I don 't understand it Charles , " his mother said . " It 's just that way , May . This has been a bad season , and old Joe Crane down at the bank said that if we didn 't get the money for the latest loan I took out for the feed , that they were going to come out and have to take some of the livestock or something of value from the farm . I can 't think of what we can give him , " replied the father . " It would , son , but I don 't see any other choice . " The son had never disclosed any information about his treasure . Any time he was asked about it , the response was that he was off doing something personal or doing something that he thought was fun . No one ever pressed him to find out what took so much of his time , and he never volunteered that information . cover the fee of the doctor . " It 's all I have , do you understand that ? " The father told the banker . " I have nothing but the farm left . " " I 'm sorry , sir . I just cannot give you a loan . You have no collateral or any previous credit rating . I 'm afraid that there is nothing that I can do for you . " Disappointed and disheartened , the father turned around and headed for the door . He That day , the boy visited his treasure again , thinking of how he would never have to face the problems that his dad was facing . A twinge of guilt sprung up inside him as he viewed the gem . Maybe I should let my father know about the gem , he thought . He felt for his sister , and knew how the family was in trouble , yet , at the same time , wondered if the gem were enough or whether his treasure would be worth anything . Even if it was , his dad would probably never listen to him tell of a diamond he had - he would think it was a dream or that he was just a child . Another month passes . The farm has been sold to a wealthy city man . The family is allowed to stay on it , with pay , out of the rich man 's generosity . The daughter is getting better , though still not out of the hospital . The rent on the place is coming due , and the young boy decides to tell his father about the treasure . " No buts . Now , run along and check to see if your mother has anything for you to do . " The boy hangs his head and walks away . After he is done helping his mother , he walks back to his treasure , takes it out of the box , and works his way to a jeweler . " Let 's see what you have here , son . " The man said . He eyed the rock and the gem in the top . " It 's a diamond all right , but let 's see just how big it is . " The jeweler carried the rock into the back , where he had a hammer and chisel . Carefully , the jeweler banged at the rock to reveal a whole lot bigger diamond than he had ever imagined . " I 'm sorry son , but I don 't have enough money to pay for this diamond . There is a jeweler in the city that could buy it from you . " He gave the young man the address , and with that , the young man headed out to his farm house with the diamond in a bag for safe keeping . But , it was too late . His father had already taken matters into his own hands and had stolen from the city man and was thrown into prison . His mother , desperate for money or work , had left the house to who knows where . So , the young man went to his sister , showing her the diamond , and telling her all about how an old man had showed him the trunk and gave him the diamond - a real treasure to him . And how he kept it , and never thought that it was as big as it really was , and how much it was worth . How he thought that no one would believe him , and so , he kept it hidden . The sister , tears in her eyes , asked , " But why ? Why didn 't you tell us sooner ? Why did you wait all this time to share with us Christian , your salvation , your very life from God , is a treasure given to you freely from Christ Jesus Himself . Precious beyond measure was the blood that was shed for you . He gave His life , and commands us to go share the message , give the witness , spread the faith ! Why is it that this most precious treasure , far greater than anything we could ever imagine , lies locked up inside ourselves or in our churches . Why isn 't it everywhere - on our tongue continuously ? |
I 'm sitting here watching Phenomenon with John Travolta . I think it 's my favorite Travolta movie , because I like him to be the good guy . Plus he 's so down - to - earth in this one . He doesn 't want any fame or fortune , all he wants is to help others and get the girl . I think that 's a nice way to live your life . The scene when Kyra Sedgwick cuts his hair is one of the most truly sensual scenes I 've ever seen , without being dirty or tacky . Really romantic . O love this movie ! Tonight , I 'm feeling pretty good , although I 'm not sure why . I don 't know how we 're going to pay our rent , but most of the other bills got paid . I will probably have to go to work soon , because we 're not making it . When there is work , my husband makes pretty good money , but if the work 's not there , the pay 's not there either . It makes planning anything really difficult ! But I guess I feel so good because I actually finished the first book in the kid 's craft series . It 's a book of recipes for moms . I did little illustrations and all for it , and now that it 's done , I feel relieved . I don 't know quite what I 'm going to do with it , but it 's done , nonetheless . I gave a copy to the head librarian and asked her to read it and give me her opinion , so we 'll see what she thinks of it . She has helped at least one author get published in the past , so maybe . . . . . . . I started my diet , and I think when I get on the scales tomorrow morning , I will find that I have gained , not lost . I seem to want to eat all day long and everything in sight . I haven 't been writing everything down , though , and I think that 's a big eye - opener . Most of us don 't realize just how much or how often we eat until we see it in writing . So I 'm going to start a food journal . I have the diet tracker on my MyYahoo , and that helps , too , because I have to weigh in once a week and enter it into the computer . I have to see it in writing , too , and that 's pretty scary . But I am determined . I have gained so much weight that my temple dress doesn 't fit anymore , and the Spokane Temple is one of the small onPosted by Well , today was July 24th and nothing happened . For Mormons , it is usually a big holiday and I miss the hullabaloo . The parades , the rodeos , the programs , the BBQs , you name it , I miss it . There are quite a few of us here in Montana , but its not like living in Utah or Southern Nevada . There will be a program and ice cream social or something like that on Saturday evening , but that 's it . I will go and I 'm sure I will enjoy it , but I still miss all the rest of it . ( For those of you who don 't know , it 's the anniversary of the first Mormon pioneers reaching the Salt Lake Valley . ) Part of the difference is the change in society . When I was young , we still had people around who remembered the hardships that the pioneers endured . My grandmother 's grandparents were some of those pioneers and she kept that sense of history alive for me , but the farther we get from that generation , the more that gets forgotten . I have tried to keep that history alive for my children with the telling of it , and by participating in the festivities every year , but I can still see it dying . Don 't get me wrong . They are proud of those ancestors who crossed the plains . a few by the side of Brigham Young , but those people have been gone a long time , and my kids don 't see a lot of relevance between the two lifetimes . The other reason I think we don 't have the big celebrations is that everyone is so busy today . It takes a lot of time and a lot of work to put together those events . And it takes a lot of people to make them possible , too . People who don 't have the time . Life is just rush , rush , rush nowadays and there doesn 't seem to be enough time in a day to do what needs to be done , without adding frivolities . At least some people think of it that way . I , on the other hand , think that it 's important to keep the past alive , so we never forget where we came from and what our ancestors went through to give us what we enjoy today . Okay , enough of that . How about this instead ? This Monday will be my 35th wedding anniversary . 35 years ! WOW ! My husband and I are one of the few couples from our graduating class to still be together after all this time . We have never been married to anyone else ; we were married right out of high school . We have five children and 14 grandchildren , and we 're still sane . At least relatively so . Every time I tell one of my children that I 'm losing my mind , they tell me you can 't lose what you never had , so maybe I don 't really know what sanity is ! But I 'm still here , and I guess that 's what counts . I love my husband very much . He is my rock , what keeps me going when times are tough . And they are really tough right now . We are having some real financial difficulties , and I don 't know right now if we 'll make it through , but we keep pluggin ' . It 's all we can do , and as long as I have him by my side , I 'll be OK . I think we 'll probably go to dinner and a movie for the big day . My daughter is off that day , so I won 't be watching the babies , and we will be able to take some time for us . That will be nice . Then again , we may just decide to stay home and lounge around . I don 't know . We 'll see . I 'm still trying to get the ski tube hat done . My hands have been really bad lately , plus I have been doing the arts and crafts project every week at the library for the summer reading program , so it 's not getting done very fast . Some days I can barely get anything done , my hands hurt so bad . I promise it will get done , though , and soon , because I want to share it with you before its to late to make them for winter . Oh yeah . . . . I forgot to tell you that the Pineapple Lush Angel food Cake was really good . I made it with sugar free and fat free everything , and it was still really good . Try it ! You 'll like it ! I 'm also trying to lose weight . Again . Almost two years ago , I lost 45 pounds , but I 've put most of it back on again . I lost it by going to Weight Watchers , and I can 't seem to do it again on my own . I need the motivation of the meetings and the members to keep me going . I did find out that we have a WW meeting right here in Stevi , so I think I will have to find the money to join again . I 'm so tired of being fat . And I felt better , both physically and mentally , when I was thinner . I need to lose a lot more than the original 45 lbs . but that 's a starting goal . Then I will worry about the other 30 lbs . after that . Maybe if I blog about my struggle , I will feel accountable , and will be a good girl . We 'll see if it helps at all . Tonight is going to be short , because it 's now 2 : 28 am and I 'm tired ! I 'm going to take myself to bed and see if I can get to sleep . I usually lie awake for an hour or two before I finally drop off , but I 'm pretty tired today , so we 'll see what happens . Here 's another little tidbit I heard at church the other day : " Don 't ever permit yourself to do anything that you wouldn 't want to see you children do . " I think that 's pretty profound . What about you ? Call a family member and remind them of how much you love them . ' Night , Gramma G . I 've been so busy since we got back from camping that I haven 't had time to write . The camping was wonderful ! The lake was so beautiful and blue , and not a mosquito in sight . The campgrounds were clean , and we just happened to luck out and get a spot that had firewood that was left by the people before us ! A whole stack of really nice firewood . All we had to do was collect kindling , which was so readily available that I didn 't even need to make fuzz sticks . We had a very enjoyable weekend , and when we left , we went to a ghost town that my husband 's boss told us about . We almost didn 't make it there . When Don told us about Bannack , he made it sound like it was just a hop , skip and a jump from where we were camping . It was 150 miles ! ! ! As we are driving along , and driving , and driving , we almost turned around and went home , but I finally convinced my hubby that we were so close that it would be a shame to go that far and not go the last 28 miles . As it turned out , we were glad we did . Bannack is a really neat place . I took a mess of photos . We got there at the same time as a big group from Michigan , 30 people that I think were all members of the same family , so when it came time to pan for gold and garnets , it was really crowded , so we didn 't do any panning , but maybe sometime we 'll go back . It looked like fun . As we were traveling to Bannack we passed through several little towns that almost weren 't towns . They were so small , they didn 't even have a service station . Some had schools , but some didn 't , the same with churches and stores , and it made me think about life the way we live it . How many of us could live without our conveniences ? When we left Bannack , we came home a different way . We went over to Dillon and then up the freeway . Now Dillon isn 't a very big place either , but way larger than places like Jackson or Wisdom . There was an LDS church there , and that answered the question of where all the mormons in that part of the state went to church , but it would be a real drive for some . Would I be willing to go that far to make it to church on Sunday , or to get my kids to mutual , and what about seminary ? And then I thought about my mom . There were times in my youth when we did live that far away , and my mother always made sure that we made it to church . I got to all my school activities and church activities and everything else that I thought was important , and my poor mother , she spent a lot of time sitting in the car reading a book . I don 't think I have ever really thought about the sacrifice she made of her time , just so I could be part of whatever was going on . When I was in high school , we lived 40 miles away from school and church . My dad had just retired from the Air Force and went to work for the Metropolitan Water District of Southern California , at a pumping station out in the middle of the desert . My mother spent a lot of time on the road for me , as well as reading a whole lot of books ! At that time , we had Sunday School in the morning and Sacrament Meeting in the evening , so we made two trips every Sunday , plus she had Relief Society on Tuesday morning , I had MIA on Tuesday evening , and mom taught Primary , which was on Wednesday after school . Then there were all the ball games and dances and concerts , and practices and everything else connected with school . I don 't know how she kept her sanity ! I do know that we put so many miles on our cars that my parents were able to use it for tax purposes ! ( Because my dad 's job was out in the middle of nowhere and required us to live there , mileage was allowed for a lot of things . ) I wonder if I were in her shoes , would I be as gracious about giving up my time ( and money ) as she was ? I don 't think I ever heard her complain about all the hours she spent waiting on me , and they were considerable . I was your typical ungrateful teenager , who thought my mother 's life revolved around me and that she was supposed to give up everything for me . Boy , have things stayed the same at the same time that they 've changed ! Teenagers are still selfishly ungrateful , but mom 's are out of the home more and more , with less and less time to spend with their kids . Wow ! ! ! Did I get off on a tangent , or what ? Sorry ! Back to camping . . . . . the weather was so nice . It wasn 't too hot or too cold , no rain , just perfect , actually . And there were a lot of little squirrels and chipmunks running around , trying to find food to store away for the coming seasons . The birds woke us up in the morning , and I think we were the first ones up in our area of the campgrounds . We 're pretty early risers normally , anyway , so it was kind of nice to be up before all the noise and rambunctiousness started . It 's the best time of the day , especially in the woods . We watched the sun rise up over the mountain as we started our fire for breakfast , seeing it turn from a weak little light to a bright golden sun . We were right at the foot of the mountain , so it took a little while to reach us as it inched its way down the slope and through the trees . In the this photo you can see a momma duck and her little babies . They were so cute ! My husband did some fishing , but he only caught one little one that he threw back . It was a good time all the same . As I close today , I want to leave you with something I heard in church this morning . " Try to learn from the mistakes of others , because you don 't have the time to make them all yourself . " Hug someone you love . ' Night , Gramma G My husband and I are leaving early tomorrow morning to go camping for a couple of days . We 're headed south to Lake Como , with a visit planned to a ghost town nearby and lots of fishing . That 's fishing for him , not me . I read or knit or write or draw , but I do not fish ! I help if he needs it , you know , holding the net or the stringer or such , but not actually fishing . I leave that up to him . He fillets them when he catches them , too . I will cook them , though . I really like fresh fish . I used to hate fish until I tasted my first fresh - from - the - stream trout , ( I think they were trout ) and now I 've actually grown a taste for them . Not all of them , though . Catfish is usually to " fishy " for me , as are a few others that I don 't know the name of . Unless the catfish is Cajun and fixed by Dottie or Abe Manual in Milton , Tennessee . That is the best fish I ever tasted in my life ! They cook true Cajun style , not all hot and over - spiced , but with a nice spicy flavor that lets the true taste of the fish come through . Man , oh man , that 's somethin ' good ! It will make you do the Louisiana boogie ! Dottie also serves up a Banana Split Cake to die for . Absolutely scrumptious ! Back to the camp outing . This will be our first in Montana , and its been pretty warm lately , so we packed only light blankets . Then tonight , it got quite chilly . I had to close the front door while we were watching TV because I got cold . And I never get cold ! So I 'm thinking that I better pack a quilt or two so we don 't freeze . But I like the cold , so we won 't stay home because of it . We 'll just pack a little warmer . And I 'm really looking forward to that Dutch oven chicken and potatoes I 'll be fixing ! It 's one of my favorite meals , and we haven 't been camping for a long time , so I 've missed it . My mouth is watering just thinking about it . We 've never been to Lake Como , but we hear tell that it 's nice . There are two or three campgrounds , and I hope running water and a bathroom . We 're taking plenty of water just in case , but I really don 't want to dig a latrine ! I 'm pretty sure there are facilities there . If not , we may go somewhere else to camp and just go fishing there . Gotta have a potty ! Have you ever camped rough ? I have an uncle who was a tree - topper in the forest above Sacramento , California , and they had logger 's camp every summer . My parents and I visited one summer for a week and I had so much fun . They call it rough camping , but they take everything up there ! Even the kitchen sink ! My aunt had three Army - sized tents put together for her " camp house " . One was the bedroom , complete with a huge feather bed , one was the kitchen , complete with a wood burning stove , and the last one was the living room , rocking chair and all . She actually had more living space at camp than she had at home ! But the potty was the point of this whole long spiel . It was a hole dug in the ground with a toilet placed over it , and a refrigerator box , maybe two , around it . Aunt Irene insisted on privacy . So . . . we had been there for about a day , maybe two , when my dad had a little " accident " . He was in the habit of leaning on the wall when he was taking a leak at home , and he forgot that those walls up there were only cardboard . He fell through , knocked down the wall , and gave everybody a good laugh ! He was lucky he didn 't really hurt himself when he fell over the toilet . Meanwhile , no one could go to the bathroom until repairs were made . Of course , one of the favorite pastimes at logging camp was drinking . They went through more beer after work than I had ever seen in my life up to that point ! Some of them were loud and rowdy , but mostly they just drank while they played cards and told stories of past camps . I have a picture of me , I think I was about 11 , in front of a giant pyramid of beer cans . It kept me busy and out of trouble for a long time . If I can find it , I will post it . Those are some good memories , because my dad was in the Air Force , and we lived all over the place and didn 't get to be around family much . I think that 's one of only 2 times I ever got to meet my Aunt Irene and Uncle Armond , and they were good people . I wish I had known them better . As for camping , I have loved it since my first experience . I was in 5th grade , and interestingly enough , we were living in Great Falls , Montana , when I went camping for the first time . It was the Young Women 's group from church , and I wasn 't actually supposed to be there , because your were supposed to be at least 12 years old and I was only ten , but my mother went as craft director and my dad went as life guard , so I got to go , too . And it was primitive camp . We dug our own latrines , and lashed long branches to trees for the seat , hung blankets around the whole set - up and had a community bathroom . No showers , just the lake . We had grease pits , where we dumped our cooking grease , as well as our dish water , etc . and of course , we cooked over an open fire . I thought it was great ! I learned how to build fires , do First Aid , cook over a fire , do lashing and carving , AND . . . . . . I learned how to make a fuzz stick ! That was the best . If you don 't know what a fuzz stick is , it is a little piece of a branch that you " fuzz " by taking your pocket knife and making little cuts all over it . They are used as fire starters , and they work really well . I may have to show my husband all about them this weekend . Of course , it won 't be a big deal to him , but it will be a good memory for me . I also learned how to go snipe hunting . If you have never been snipe hunting , you haven 't lived ! There is a certain way to hunt a snipe , and I won 't give it away here , but if you 've never been , you need to ask a friend who likes to camp to take you snipe hunting . It 's a blast ! Well , that 's enough for tonight . When we get back , I 'll tell you all about it . At least the good stuff , not the boring day - to - day stuff . We 'll see if there 's anything to tell . Remember this quote from Oscar Hammerstein , the " love in your heart wasn 't put there to stay , love isn 't love ' til you give it away . " ' Night , Gramma G . Little boys are wild ! They do the craziest things , and it 's so hard to stay mad at them long enough to discipline them . My little 2 - year - old grandson got under his mother 's bed and got himself stuck . Couldn 't get back out , and I couldn 't pull him out , either . I had to literally pick up the bed and then try to convince him that he could get out now . It was comedic except that it was frustrating , too . When he tried to get out at first , and then when I tried to pull him out , his ear was catching on the bar that goes from one side of the bed to the other , and it hurt . So even when I lifted the bed , he didn 't want to try it again because he was sure it would hurt . I finally got him out , but it took a little convincing . His new favorite word is dammit . I 'm not sure who he heard it from , but I 'm having a hard time getting him to stop saying it . He has other words that sound bad , like garbage ( he says it gar - bitch ) , but I really think he 's saying the real thing this time . He also learned the words shut - up from someone , and every time he says it we say " Don 't say that word . " So now he say " Shut up , don 't say that word , " He 's just so cute that it 's really hard to get after him for those things . Now , he has other habits that it 's really easy to get after him for . He throws things when he gets mad , or when he gets told to put them back or give them back to his brother . He will sometimes lay down or sit down and kick his feet if he doesn 't get his way , or he tell you to " Stop it ! " if he doesn 't like what you are saying . In those cases , I would like to blister his butt , but mostly I just have to threaten him with the wooden spoon . It 's a big one and looks lethal , and most of the time he doesn 't want to argue with it . There are times though . . . . . . . . His brother , who is 3 1 / 2 has an equally frustrating habit . He pouts . And I don 't just mean he is unhappy , but he sticks out his bottom lip and puts his head down on a chair , or the couch , or your lap or the floor , whatever is handy , and stays that way until I tell him to go to his room or I spank his butt . He also makes horrible faces now , and drives us all crazy . And he has developed a real sweet tooth lately ! He is constantly asking for candy or a popsicle . If he is told no , then the pouting begins . One good thing , though . . . . if we give him a " healthy " snack , like cheese and crackers or an apple , he is just as happy as if we had given him the candy he asked for . My daughter is planning to look for her own place in the near future , and the boys will have to go into childcare . I 'm glad , in one way , because they need the interaction with other kids and adults . But I hate the thought of getting them used to it . They don 't even like to be left in the nursery at church , and I know they will cry and cry and cry . They can both cry for really long amounts of time . In fact the older one will make himself sick crying . I think I 'm going to suggest that she start them in daycare right now , while it can be for only a few hours at a time , so they can get accustomed to being left , and learn that she will always come back . They have hardly ever been left with anyone besides grandpa and grandma , and that 's not the same , so they have a high level of separation anxiety ! I think I might have some separation anxiety , too . I am looking forward to having " my own " place again , but I will miss those early morning visits to my bedroom when they first wake up and are so sweet . The little one always wakes up in the best mood and it 's the best time of the day for him . The older one takes a little time to wake up , but then he 's pretty sweet , too . I will also miss the " Bwamma " s when I come in the door after being gone for a few hours , or when they come running with something to show me . I know my husband will miss the greetings he gets when he comes home from work . It 's really hard to share your home with a grown child and her children , and it 's good that she 's planning to get her own place , but I will miss those babies a lot ! I also know that it 's just as hard to move back in with your parents when you 've had your own place and been the one in charge of how things are done . All of a sudden you don 't have full autonomy anymore , and it 's hard to readjust to that . We 've done pretty good so far , very few blow - ups , and none of them major , but it 's time . Enough sadness for now . I have been working on the ski - tube - hat - thing , but I ran out of one the yarns I am using , so now I have to decide how to go on from here . Since this is just the prototype , I could just finish it with whatever I 've got , but what if I want to give it away ? I can 't do that if it 's a hodge - podge of different yarns ! Or maybe I could . I have a granddaughter who would probably like it better that way , and she is one of the few grandchildren who actually happen to live where it snows . We 'll see . I will try to decide quickly . Well , it 's now 1 : 00 in the morning and my eyelids are getting heavy and my fingers are getting clumsy , so I guess it 's time to close . I have been working on my first little craft book , which is recipes for moms , and I only have to do a few more illustrations and I think it 's done . That 's why I am so tired . My eyes are burning , too , so that 's a definite sign . Remember y ' all , that family is everything , so take care of the ones you have . ' Night all , Gramma G . Boy ! have I got a good recipe for you tonight ! It 's called Mexican Casserole and they make it at the deli at the grocery store by me . My daughter who lives in Nevada really likes it , as I do , and when I asked them for the recipe they were nice enough to give it to me . It 's not low - fat at all , but it sure tastes good ! Chop up meats , then add the rest of the ingredients with 1 / 2 of the cheese . Bake in a 9x13 pan at 350 for 25 minutes or until hot all the way through . Top with the other 1 / 2 of the cheese and serve . Enjoy ! It sounds a little strange , but it really is delicious . Now that that 's out of the way . . . . . . In church on Sunday we had a lesson on freedom . Since it was the 4th of July weekend , that was not surprising , but it wasn 't about our political freedoms , or even our physical freedoms , but our spiritual freedoms , and what they mean to us in the long run . We discussed the fact that spiritual freedom gives us the right to choose right or wrong , good or bad . The fact that there are consequences to those choices does not affect our right to make them , but it may affect the choices we make . And the choices we make can affect our freedoms , too . If we choose to break the law , that affects our freedom . Knowing the law can affect our choices . For example , if we choose to do drugs , then we choose to give up our freedom , and instead we become a slave to the drugs . We also choose to give up the freedom we will lose to the law . It 's all a big vicious circle . A lot of times , our children look at the commandments as rules that constrict them . They feel that all our " rules and regulations " are binding , and they feel tied down by them , so they make some bad choices that they call exercising their freedom . But instead of freeing them , those choices can put them in bondage . The bondage of sin , of choices that they can 't undo . If only they could see that obeying the commandments gives them choices that they will get no other way . They can choose to be free of guilt , free of memories that haunt them for the rest of their lives . They can choose to be the type of person who is looked up to as an upstanding member of the community and never have to worry that their past will come back to bite them . These are all options for the person who chooses the straight and narrow . Some of us never learn . We make the same mistakes over and over and over again , thereby narrowing our field of choices until we have very few alternatives . We can 't seem to let ourselves be happy by making good choices . And a lot of the time , we blame our troubles on anyone but ourselves so that we can be free to make that same choicPosted by I am the daughter of a career military man . My dad was in the Air Force for 21 years , so suffice it to say I am very patriotic . If you cut me , I bleed red , white and blue . I collect Americana . For years my home was decorated in red , white and blue , and it will be again . I painted my front door with a folk art flag . I have more red , white and blue clothes , and T - shirts with flags on them , than most people I know . I support my president , even when I think he 's wrong , because I don 't know the whole story . I may not vote for him again , but while he 's in office , I support him . I think that we had to go to Iraq or have them come here ( as if they aren 't already here ) . I think that anyone who immigrates to America should have to learn the language and pledge their loyalty to her . Read this quote and see if you can guess who said it . " In the first place , we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us , he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else , for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed , or birthplace , or origin . But this is predicated upon the person 's becoming in every facet an American , and nothing but an American . . . There can be no divided allegiance here . Any man who says he is an American , but something else also , isn 't an American at all . We have room for but one flag , the American flag . . . We have room for but one language here , and that is the English language . . . and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people . " Pretty powerful , huh ? And right to the point ! America should be filled with Americans ! We have only one flag , a perfectly good one , and we don 't need any other . If you come here to work and send money " home " it should be to help your family come , too , not to support them in the old county with money that should be staying here . If you work here , you should pay taxes here . If you are not a citizen , or working on becoming a citizen , you should not be entitled to free health care , welfare , my social security , or anything else that I pay for and can 't even use myself . If things were so bad in your country that you came to mine for a better life , then leave that life behind . Become wholly American . I 'm not saying to forget where you came from . Along with being a patriot , I am also a genealogy bug , so I believe that family history is important . But there is a difference between remembering your roots and parading in the streets of America with the flag of another country , complaining about the way you are treated , or the lack of amenities given to you . Being proud of your heritage is good , but expecting something for nothing because of it is NOT . Nowhere else in the world would you be given the freedom you enjoy here in America , along with the chance to work for a better life for you and your family . I think you should appreciate America , not defame her . As Americans , we also have a responsibility to appreciate what we have . No , this country isn 't perfect , nor is her government . But it is a far sight better than what you can find elsewhere in the world . That 's why people lie and hide and use false paperwork to get here . Because we have what the rest of the world wants . We have way more than we need , and it has turned us into greedy monsters for whom nothing is enough . We blame our troubles on the politicians , but who put them in office ? Or maybe we should ask ourselves , why didn 't we put someone else there ? Do you vote ? Do you take the time to learn as much as you can about each candidate and what he believes ? What has he done in his life ? Is he faithful to his wife ? Does he believe in God , and is he an active Christian ? A candidate 's character is just as important as his accomplishments , maybe even more so . Accomplishments come our way from others , those that put a value on our actions . But the actions that really count are the ones no one sees but God . The actions that make up our character . We need to watch what our politicians and leaders are doing when they think no one is looking . THAT is when we 'll see their true natures . One of my pet peeves is those Americans who don 't vote and then complain about the way things go after the election . I say if you don 't vote , you have no right to even voice an opinion , let alone complain . Each and every voice is necessary in the election process . If you don 't voice your opinion by casting your vote , then you take what you get . The good , the bad and the ugly . There is always the chance that a good guy will turn bad , but all we can do is try to make an educated decision , and then if it turns out not to be the best decision , make a different one next time . Don 't keep making the same mistake , thinking that things will change or get better , because in my experience , they don 't ! What 's that old saying ? Dumb is making the same mistake over and over and hoping for different results ? Well , it doesn 't happen and we just need to stop it . We need to take responsibility for the way our country is run , and not pass the buck . Well , in case you can 't tell , I have some strong feelings about America , and I am thankful that I have the freedom to voice them . You may not agree , and that 's OK , because you have the same rights that I do , if you are a citizen of this great country . And if you are not , then you have NO RIGHT to say one word against her . If you don 't like it here , go home , and see if it 's any better there ! I am thankful for freedom of speech and religion , for the right to vote and to assemble peaceably . I am thankful for the foresight of our forefathers when they made the constitution with a checks and balances system . I could go on all day , but I won 't , because you have other things to do and so do I . I will just say one more thing . . . . I am an American , and Proud of it ! I hope you all have a nice ( and safe ) 4th of July , and remember to share the love . Your family will appreciate it ! ' Night , Gramma G . ( Oh yeah . . . . . . . . . . . . the quote is from a speech made in 1907 by Theodore Roosevelt ! ) Posted by Life is getting back to normal , whatever that means . The house is getting cleaned and put back together , things have calmed down , the kids are calming down , too . Somebody told me today that Montana has two seasons ; winter and company . I find that pretty funny . Today was story time at the library . I 'm a volunteer helper and I usually help with the arts and crafts projects . Today I also had the snack assignment , so it was pretty hectic . The summer reading program is in full swing and this year 's theme is bugs . Everything is just buggy . This week was bees , so I made honey cookies in the shape of bees . I don 't know if I 'll ever do that again ! I started out to make beehives with little bees on them , but I couldn 't find those little bees I used to buy that were made out of black and yellow pipe cleaners with little transparent wings . Remember those ? My daughter works at Wal * Mart and gets off at 10 : 30 at night , so I called her and sent her all over the store looking for something I could use . ( This would be because I forgot until yesterday afternoon that I had to do the snack . ) It was really qiute funny . For me , anyway , I don 't know about her . First she looked for the bees , in two different places , then I sent her to look for cookie cutters , and guess what ? No bees ! Then she looked at the kid 's crafts for foamy bugs , and there were dragonflies and lady bugs and butterflies , but , you guessed it ! No bees ! We thought about using a rubber stamp with food coloring and a few other ideas , but wound up getting some black and yellow frosting is those little tubes for stripes on the bees I made by hand . I used a heart cookie cutter for the wings , and rolled the bodies and heads and smashed them all together . The kids really liked them , so all the work was worth it , but staying up until 4 in the morning to make a snack is ridiculous ! She ( my daughter ) is off tomorrow and Friday , so I will get a little break from the boys . I love them with all my heart , but I 'm 53 years old , and I 'm supposed to be past this raising children phase ! It wears me out . I go to bed exhausted and I get up tired . Where 's the fun in that ? I would like to find something worthwhile , that I like , to do with the rest of my life . Not that the boys aren 't a worthwhile endeavor , because they are , but I would like something more now that my own children are all raised . I would like to write children 's books , or have a children 's craft show on some little obscure TV station , or own my own bookstore or craft store . Some of the things that I 've dreamed of but never had the time or gumption to try . I 've wanted to have a crafter 's bed and breakfast for years now , but have no capitol . I think it would be so much fun ( along with a lot of work ) . I would arrange for craft classes and workshops of all kinds . It would be great ! But it takes a lot of money ! Oh well . Enough of that subject . I 'm sure I will still be doing the same old thing when it 's my time to go . That 's life . Before I go , here is the recipe for the Honey Cookies . These cookies are better with age , so make them a few days before you need them . These cookies are not too sweet , and have a lot of body , which make them excellent for making a cookie tree , you know those that are made with about 8 or 9 different sizes of star cookie cutters all stacked up . Anyway , the recipe : Well , it 's my time to go for now . I 'm tired and things are getting a little blurry . Remember to pass along a smile . You can change the world one smile at a time . ' Night . . . . . Gramma G . This past Christmas I bought my daughter a mermaid tail blanket . She can hardly leave anywhere without it . She loves sleeping in it and wearing it around t . . . Do you have a large scrap fabric pile ? Do you see fabric and can 't stop buying the cute prints but feel guilty with all the piles at home ? Here are some . . . Best Friday Features ! Welcome back to the Best Friday Feature Party ! We have so much fun every week , and we hope you do too ! We 've been pinning more proje . . . |
My mother was the valedictorian of her graduating high school class . I told you she was intelligent . Of course I delighted in telling her that it was not too difficult . There were three students in her graduating class . I did not fare as well as she did . There were almost 1000 graduates in my class . My grades were high but there were other people who were awarded the honors . Both of us married the same year we graduated and that was the end of our educations . Mom was so disappointed that I did not go to college . I was too . But at that time being married meant you were supposed to be a wife and in due time a mother . So time went on . My mother had seven children me being the oldest . She nurtured us and we grew to be adults with families of our own . I had four children who of course were a bit younger than hers . One day I stopped by my mother 's house after I had picked the children up from school . She looked at me and said , " I went and signed up for college today . You need to go tomorrow . " The three of us ended up with several classes together . Because we had been out of school for some time we needed the 110 classes . They were above entry level classes but below the more advanced classes . So English 110 , Algebra 110 , etc . One of our classes ( and our favorite ) was an English class . It was quite basic dealing with grammar and punctuation as well as some writing . Often the instructor would write something on the board with no capitalization or punctuation and have us write it correctly . Sometimes he gave us a topic and had us write about it for say 20 minutes . Then he would have us read them to the class . It was interesting to see the different ways of looking at a simple topic . I began thinking I would major in computer sciences . I cannot begin to tell you how boring I find flow charts . I switched to accounting and business management . I am a born paper pusher . I would be perfectly happy with a job that required sorting and filing . At any rate I began to do some research ( a little late don 't you think ? ) and realized that the whole area was glutted with accountants and unemployed accountants . It was about that time that my husband left for good . I had four children and I needed to bring in more money to support them . I dropped out of college . What appealed to me the most about this course was that there was such a wide variety of careers available . Of course you could go on to train to be a forest ranger or to work in a fish hatchery . Perhaps your tastes run more toward the sciences and research ; there are opportunities . Once again I had to leave school . I only had one Economics class left to get my degree but I could not stay . Now they have changed the requirements so I would have more than a semester of classes to complete now . The one thing I do well is learn . I cannot do but boy can I learn . And I love it . My poor little brain is packed full of totally useless information . One of my favorite things to do is surf the internet . I find a subject that interests me and I proceed to learn everything I can about it . That is my major form of entertainment . So I have some college . I enjoyed it but I still had children to take care of . The kids always come first . Maybe someday I will take a few online classes . I will not go back to school because too many younger people need those seats so they can go on to more productive lives . But I will never stop learning . I will be 68 years old this year . I am no longer young . Of course I do not feel old either . My health is quite good for someone who has not been kind to her body . Even so I realize that my time here is limited . I hope it is a long limit and as I said I feel good . But I do wonder . First I must ask a question . Why do many people have such an aversion to saying that someone has died ? To die is a natural function . To die simply means to cease living . Die is not a dirty word or even an unpleasant word . It just is . In recent years I have noticed that more and more people say passed away or simply passed . I can only assume that those terms are an effort to soften the grief of those who no longer have the presence of someone they care about . Anyway I wonder what happens when you die . Is it painful ? Hopefully it is sudden and lasts only seconds rather than minutes , hours , or days . Do you know you are dying ? Are you afraid ? Do you feel a sense of peace ? These are only idle thoughts but they seem to pop into my mind more often as I get older . Then there is the question of what happens next . Is there an afterlife ? Is there just nothing ? Will I simply switch off and cease to exist ? Will there be a tunnel leading to a bright light with all my loved ones waiting for me ? Heaven or the equivalent is supposed to be a " heavenly " place . Everyone is happy . Everyone is able to do whatever they want with joy and contentment . There will be no conflict only peace . All needs and wants will be provided . Hell or the equivalent is a terrible place where you will be eternally punished for your sins . No one is happy with the exception of the minions that are assigned to make sure you are miserable at all times . Discomfort and misery are all you will know . Some religions believe that you could be given the opportunity to be reincarnated . Maybe you will be an animal of some sort . You might come back as a whole new person . Some even believe that you come back multiple times to atone for mistakes you made in past lives . Once you have corrected your mistakes your earthly trials will be at an end . But I wonder what then ? If there is any conscious thought after you die do you still have feelings for those you love now ? Will you be able to check on them every now and then ? Can you try to assist them in their lives ? Reading my last post I realized that sometimes my mother comes off as a bit of a flake . She was actually the most intelligent person I have ever known . By the same token my mother - in - law was the wisest . As with many extremely intelligent people my mother did not always exercise her wisdom . Now my mother - in - law was also very intelligent but she had been pretty much on her own since she was a small child . She learned to rely on her wits and she was good at it . Mom knew exactly the right way to handle a situation . Instinctively she did what needed to be done with no muss , no fuss . I admire that so much . Mom did not have an easy life . Her parents died when she was too small to really understand what death meant . Add to that the fact that nobody ever told her that they had died and she was a hurt little girl . Mom 's older children were going to school before most people had cars . They usually walked to school or someone would hook up a team of horses and drive them or pick them up . When that happened they took or picked up every child and delivered them to where they were going . Mom finally laid down flat too . The horse was run straight toward the trees . The wagon could hit one and she and her son could be seriously injured if not killed . This past Friday was on the thirteenth day of the month . The dreaded Friday the Thirteenth . It is considered by many to be an unlucky day full of bad things both large and small that are just waiting to happen to any of us who let our guards down for even a moment . I am not a superstitious person . At the same time I do wish on the first star of the evening or a shooting star . I wish on the rolling raindrop before it joins another . I cross my fingers for good luck and I have even been known to knock on wood . But I know that I make my own destiny for the most part . On the other hand my mother seemed to have terrible luck . It happened mostly with cars or more specifically driving cars . We learned at a very young age that getting lost is an adventure . Mom used to say that she had no sense of direction . She would be driving on a perfectly straight stretch of road and it would just pick itself up and be going another direction . So she would keep driving until she found something familiar . She would get her bearings and we would eventually reach our destination . Unless the road changed directions on her again . Mom had been hearing a funny noise in her car . She told Daddy that it was a chirping noise . Finally on a day she was going to the grocery store he told her to honk when she got home . He would go to the door so she could pull the car back and forth and he could hear the noise . Then he would know what he needed to repair . She came back from the store and honked . Daddy went to the door . Mom pulled her car back and forth . Daddy abruptly turned , closed the door , and came inside . He looked at me and said , " I can 't stand watching your mother try to park the car ! " He went into the closet and shut the door ! Mom 's crowning glory as a driver came on Friday the Thirteenth . It was a warm spring day . My aunt and a couple of uncles attended a one room country school that was just down the road from my grandparents ' farm . The school year was over and they were having their end - of - the - year picnic . There would be games like sack races and egg rolls . There would be lots of food . Everyone who came would bring a dish . It was a fun event . Mom was running late as usual . She had four children to get ready . By the time she had the last one ready to go the first one would need a face and hands cleaning . Finally we were all in the car and very late . Mom was driving faster than she should have . As she topped a hill she saw the police set up with radar at the bottom . What did she do ? She stopped . Right there in the middle of the highway she stopped . Of course the police noticed . Mom composed herself and drove down the hill . The police pulled her over . They knew who we were because they recognized the car . My father often drove it in his duties as town marshall . The car needed gas and there was a gas station on the highway about halfway to our destination . Mom pulled into the station . This was happening in the 1950 's . The gas pumps were big bulky things . Many had a huge glass globe on top with the company loge painted on . She watched in horror as the glass globe began to wobble . Back and forth , back and forth , faster , faster , faster then it started to settle . As Mom started to breathe a sigh of relief it fell off and broke . The attendant assured her that it was not necessary for her to pay for it . We were off again . We turned off the highway to a gravel covered road . We were getting closer . Still running late Mom was still driving a little faster than she should have . She drove right past the corner where we should turn to take us to the school . The ditches were deep , really deep . The back end of the car was at the bottom of the ditch and the front end was near the top of the ditch . Remember this was when all cars were made like tanks . It was a big old Buick . We arrived at the school in time for some of the games . There was a contest to see who could kick their shoe the farthest . There were three - legged races . And all that scrumptious food . Great fun . After that we did not allow Mom to drive on Friday the Thirteenth . If possible we kept her out of the cars . And it is a great family legend . I have moved a lot A LOT in my life . My father had a bit of a wanderlust I think . He never seemed to believe he had found " home " so he kept on looking . Moving could be an adventure . It is also a lot of work . My poor mother had to pack up all our belongings and all of us each time we moved . Some of our moves were only to a different house in the same town . We lived in 14 different towns with multiple homes in most of them . That was a lot of moving . At least the houses we lived in were anchored to the ground . My father worked for a time with a house moving company . They actually lifted a whole house and placed it on wheels and moved it to another location . My father had been out of work for a short time and found work at a dairy farm in Washington state . He went ahead while Mom finished packing and getting rid of most of our things . All we kept were clothes and personal items and a few toys . My mother moved 5 children almost 1400 miles by train . She ended up with a migraine headache . She suffered terribly from them all her life . I did try to help but I was only 9 years old . I am afraid I was not much help . Other passengers were very nice to a bunch of wild children . They spent time with us and even gave us candy to keep us occupied . For us it was a wonderful trip . For Mom it was totally miserable . We moved to the big city . I hated it there . We were young and even though my husband 's brother and his family lived in the same big city we were homesick . We tried moving home . It did not work out . There was still very little work . I was expecting our first baby and wanted to be close to family . But we ended up moving back to that awful city . We had to have money coming in . My sister - in - law volunteered to drive us . She was not working at the time and her college classes were between semesters . She was excited about the trip . So we packed two small boys , two grown women , and a fairly new baby into her VOLKSWAGON BUG ! We also had clothing and all the paraphernalia that is needed for a baby . There was something to drink and a few snacks . And of course things to occupy the boys . The trip was more than 550 miles . Oh what fun we had . Two very small boys and a baby who was tired of being held cooped up for hours and hours and hours in the VW . Two grown women who were trying go faster while growing tired of traveling . In spite of all that it was not totally unpleasant . My sister - in - law is a funny person and I have my moments . We did a lot of laughing . After we stopped for supper the boys finally settled down and went to sleep . It was a little more peaceful . My sister - in - law stayed for a few days . Then the poor thing had to drive back by herself . So my boys and I settled in to our new home . My husband came home one weekend and I let him know that he needed to watch the boys while I visited the doctor . We were having another baby . We loved the new place . My husband was on the road all week so it was just the boys and me . We did a lot of exploring together . For the first time in their lives the boys had the freedom to do a little exploring on their own . The only problem was that I had more than thirty miles to go to get to the hospital to have my baby . My babies are all born very quickly and we did not believe that I would make it in time . So the boys and I went again to stay with my parents while I had the baby . After my daughter was born and I was able to travel we needed to go home . This time there was no one to take us . I was not up to driving all that way with four very small children . My husband could not take off work . What to do ? We decided that the kids and I would fly home . I was treated like a queen . The stewardesses ( I know that is no longer politically correct but they were called that at the time ) helped me with the children . They made sure they had things to do and snacks . When the baby cried they offered to care for her elsewhere . I needed to feed her was all so while their help was appreciated it would not work . They even offered to change her diaper . It is truly the best way to travel with children . My final move was more than 800 miles . I had lived in the big city for more than 45 years . It is amazing how much " stuff " a person accumulates over that period of time . The plan was to have someone ride with me as I drove the truck . The rest would ride in their car . Having someone to talk to helps to keep from falling asleep . Driving can be extremely hypnotic . My granddaughter rode with me first . She is great at keeping a driver company . Then my daughter and grandson joined me and my granddaughter rode with her father . My daughter and grandson sat silently playing video games on their cell phones the whole time . My son - in - law was ecstatic to have someone who was talking . Before long we were fighting over my granddaughter 's company . He won ! Daddys always do . I believe I will probably move one more time . I love the location where I now live but the house has some serious problems . I do not look forward to another move . I say with confidence it will be my last . I have told you before that I can drive anything . My parents taught me to drive a car . I learned using an automatic transmission but manual transmissions were still in common use . My boyfriend and I took my youngest sister to the circus . She had such a good time but toward the end of the three ring shows she started to feel ill . We took her home . The problem was that we had no telephone and no way to reach my father . Mom told me to take the car and drive to get my father . Time was essential so I could not walk in time . I did not know how to drive the manual transmission car . I knew the basics but I had never actually done it . How hard could it be ? Starting the car was no problem . But whenever I let off the clutch it would violently lurch and the motor would stall . It took me a few tries but finally I got the car to move forward . Because of my experience I have determined that the best way to learn to drive a car with a manual transmission is to have someone patient show you how . Explain the way to slowly let off the clutch as you step slowly on the gas . Then drive into the country where there is practically no traffic . Get out of the car and tell the student to come back and pick you up as soon as they feel comfortable with their performance . They do not feel the pressure of having someone watching them . They will have to deal with the lurching either way but they will not be flustered at feeling the need to do well in someone else 's eyes . It worked well for my children . My boyfriend and I decided to marry . Neither of our families had much money and a lot in the way of children . Our wedding would not be expensive but I wanted a new dress . We needed rings . I prefer a plain gold band . I bought his and he bought mine . They were matching gold bands with rounded edges . In order to pay for what we wanted we had to have extra money . My husband found a neighboring farmer who needed his bales of hay collected and stacked . Being young and strong we took the job for 10 cents for each bale . The farmer provided the equipment needed . There was a flat bed truck with an elevator attached to one side toward the back of the flat bed . My husband told me that all I needed to do was drive the truck so that the elevator could pick up the bales . It would lift them up and drop them at the back of the flat bed . He would be there to pick them up and stack them neatly on the truck . Easy enough . I had never driven a truck before much less having to watch out the side mirror to make sure I lined up properly with the bales so the elevator could scoop them up . I learned . And I created a monster . . . my husband and I created a truck driver in me . When he took a job driving an eighteen wheeler he was in heaven . He was able to travel the country seeing places he had not seen before . I was content to stay home with the children . Unfortunately he missed us . His solution was for me to learn to drive those big trucks so the kids and I could go with him sometimes . So I learned and got the necessary driver 's license so it could happen . I am still not great at backing up with a trailer behind me but I manage . He finally stopped driving truck when he came home one weekend and our daughter was afraid of him . Soon he owned a junk yard . We had all manner of vehicles there . Tow trucks , hilos , and trucks for hauling . Some were regular trucks and there was usually an eighteen wheeler for transporting automobile carcasses to be reduced for recycling of the metal . I drove them all . I can even hook up cars for towing . We had one customer who bought a lot of the motors from the scrap cars . He had a side business where he repaired cars . He rebuilt good motors from us and used them in the cars . He would bring in his pickup and after choosing the motors he wanted he left the truck . As soon as we loaded all the motors for him he would come get it . I sighed in exasperation but agreed . As soon as my husband was ready to follow me so I would have a ride home I would be ready . Then I was informed that HE had a hard day and was going to the bar . The motorman would take me home . The employee I had was my nephew who was not much more than a teenager . We set about loading the truck . I called a couple of times more to remind my boss that I needed help . No one came and my nephew and I had all but one car on the truck . I looked at him and said , " Back off ! " He got a sheepish look on his face and took a step back . I backed that truck up like I was an expert ! Then I climbed down and smiled sweetly . " It 's all yours . " I went back into my office . My nephew came in and we laughed until it was time to go home . While I was still married and still working for my husband I had an adventure . We had a stake truck . Those are the trucks that have a flatbed and stakes that look like a fence all the way around . I drove it often because I liked it . The wooden sides were painted a pretty red . They rose about four and a half feet from the bed of the truck . There were heavy - duty metal hooks on the sides . They were used to anchor ropes when tying a tarp over the top of a load . I had been running errands most of the day and I was ready to be finished . My last stop was the bank . I just had to make a deposit so I used the drive - through window . I misjudged the distance because I forgot about the hooks on the stakes . As i pulled up to the window one of the hooks caught the top corner of the window . It ripped the bank window away from the bank . It was hanging at an angle in the spot it used to be . I jumped out of the truck and rushed to make sure the teller was not hurt . She was huddled in a far corner of her little area with hers knees up and her arms in front of her to protect herself . The poor thing was shaking like a leaf . But she was fine otherwise . The bank was very nice . They did not expect my to pay for the damages . I was thankful . After the police decided that i was not trying to rob the bank they left . And I had an adventure to tell you about . I live in a very small town . We have a bar , a gas station , a post office , and a city hall . No grocery store or doctor . No movie theater or hardware store . For any of these we must drive to a larger town . There is a slightly larger town about 4 miles from here . That is where the children from our town attend school because ours was closed years ago . There is a small grocery and hardware store there . They even have a pizza parlor . But for major shopping we have to go to a larger town . There are three larger towns that are about equal distances from us . One is in another state . They have a lower sales tax rate but for some reason I do not like the drive to get there . I do go to the second town quite a bit . It is slightly smaller but offers most of what I need . But the drive to get there is all hills and wears me out . On my way I notice a lot of things . There are the many farm houses . Some are new and very modern looking . Some are older but well kept . Some are dilapidated but still have people living in them . Some have been left to the elements and are barely standing . There are fields and stands of trees . The river runs beside the road for much of the way . There are occasionally wild animals like deer and turkeys . There are domestic animals like dogs , cats , horses , and cows . Out of all of these animals I have adopted three . Do not ask me why . I have no idea . I am not what I would call an animal lover . I have no urge to own any of these animals . But they are mine and I watch for them every time I make the trip . The first is a mule . I noticed him soon after I moved back to this area . He is that dirty off - white color . He stands out in his grassy area in all sorts of weather . Sometimes he is grazing but most of the time he just stands there with his head down . I have named him Eeyore for obvious reasons . Eeyore looks so despondent standing there all alone . I watch for him more than the others because he is by himself . I miss him when he is not there . Gifford the goat lives with a bunch of horses . It is a stable and training facility for riding horses . There is a training paddock as well as grazing areas . Gifford is a little white goat . He grazes right along beside the horses . It seems that they do not notice him but they seem not to notice each other either . I believe that Gifford is only out with the horses at certain times of the day so I often do not see him . Down the road a ways is another mule . He grazes with a small herd of cattle . He sticks out because the cattle are black and he is that dirty off - white color of mules . He is the only non - bovine of the group . I have named him Maurice . I havev no idea why . I hate the name ( sorry to anyone named Maurice ) but each time I tried to think of a good name for him Maurice is what came to mind . I gave in and he is now Maurice . I have not seen Maurice since the fall . I have not seen the cattle either . They have been moved to another pasture for the winter I suppose . I am sure he will return in the spring . These pets cost me nothing . Someone else feeds them and looks after their needs . I do not have to expend any emotions because they are not my pets . But I get a great deal of pleasure from my pets . When we had the junkyard we would sometimes get cars that had pictures in them . I would look at every one . It is fun to see the expressions on the faces and try to place the times when they were taken . Each time period has its own fashions you know . Of course we held them until someone claimed them . I am not much of a picture taker . But I like getting them as gifts from the kids . They are records of events in their lives and always evoke memories that make me smile . My mother decided at one time that she wanted a large professional photograph of each member of the family . She would place them on a wall in the living room that she determined was just the right size to hold nothing but pictures . Then she set about making appointments for each of us to have the portraits taken . My younger brother had died in Viet Nam . Mom had his service picture on another wall and wanted a civilian picture of him for the family wall . I suggested a favorite school picture . Mom loved that picture from the day she got it . She said it brought out the deviltry in his eyes . It is a happy little boy with a big smile on his face and a sparkle of life in his eyes . All the grandchildren who were around by then were up there too . My niece was not yet a year old when her parents had really cute picture taken . Her hair was white not blonde but white . Her eyes were pale blue . The picture looked like her pretty little face was ready to pop right out of the picture . It went on the wall . When a person walked into the house the wall of pictures was the first thing they saw . It was covered from about three feet abouve the floor to the ceiling . It was gorgeous . After Daddy died Mom moved . She packed all the pictures into a trunk because she was going to stay with my sister for a short while . The trunk was in my sister 's basement when it flooded . Most of the pictures were ruined . We had duplicates of my brother 's pictures because everyone in the family wanted one . He is on the wall of many of our homes . We also had duplicates of Daddy 's pictures . He hangs in a prominent place in every single home even the grandchildren . He was a special person and looked upon with reverence by all of us . Mom 's picture was ruined . It was not a good picture of her . She seldom took a good picture . In fact she seldom allowed pictures to be taken . I have no real pictures of my mother . The only one that has remained is from when I was a baby . She was dressed in the stylish suit women wore in the late 1940 's reaching out with one hand to me as I sat on the porch steps . There is also her high school graduation picture . Once my sister , my brother , and I were going through Mom 's pictures . Mom had died and we were trying to decide what to do with things . My brother picked up a picture and said with a leer in his voice , " Who is this ? " My own picture was also ruined , thank goodness . I inherited my mother 's lack of a photogenic face . Not a good thing . This particular picture made me look like I was in the final second of my life or in the first second after I died . And it was the best of all the poses the photographer took ! |
At the end of 2012 , I read about some bloggers who were choosing a word of the year for 2013 . The idea was to pick one word that you could focus on for the year , rather than creating the traditional resolutions . I thought long and hard , and decided that my word for 2013 would be " faith . " We started out the year with some nervousness about going from two incomes to one , but we felt secure because we had saved up some money and got a surprisingly nice tax refund . I felt like I had stepped out on faith by quitting my teaching job , but I was still depending on what I had built up . I kept getting reminded that true faith is relying completely on God , not ourselves . I wasn 't ready for that yet . Throughout the year , things went well , but it seemed as though our money was running out fast . Too fast for my comfort . We did all we could to keep our savings , but it eventually had to go . I was devastated . How could we make it on just the one income that had proven itself to not be enough ? Thankfully Ronnie reminded me to not worry , to have faith . I did my best to trust God . I would look at our bank account and stress , but then I 'd remind myself that God is in control . I read and reread verses on faith . I continuously thought of Luke 1 : 37 , For with God nothing shall be impossible . At times I believed it was impossible to pay our bills and buy food and gas , but there was always a way . One time in particular , we were low on funds and a friend of mine wanted a photo shoot . I went to her family and had a great time with them . At the end of the session she gave a small gift bag which included a rubber snake and a check . The check was more than I charge and definitely more than I would have ever asked her for . But you know what ? That check was just enough to get us through to the next pay check . Isn 't my God amazing ? ! If this had happened before this year , I would have flipped out . Don 't get me wrong , I was upset , I cried , and started to wonder how we would make it . But I went back to the verses that had been bringing me comfort . Matthew 6 : 25 - 34 . Wow ! Think how much more God loves us than the birds in the sky ! That gets me every time ! 27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature ? He 's talking to me . . . I 'm the one of little faith . Jesus knew that I would need help trusting Him , and He told this story so that I could see that God won 't forget about me . 31 Therefore take no thought , saying , What shall we eat ? or , What shall we drink ? or , Wherewithal shall we be clothed ? Don 't worry about tomorrow . You have enough today so why think about something that 's not even here yet ? You can handle tomorrow when it gets here . It 's been almost two months and Ronnie doesn 't have a job yet . I 'm still not working , but you know what ? We have more food in our pantry / freezer than we have in a while , we have clothes on our backs , we have paid most of our bills ( and are working with the people on the other ) , and we 're healthy . The amazing part , though , is that God has known our needs . He has spoken to others and they have listened and have helped us tremendously . Our bank account went into the negative unexpectedly and someone showed up with more than enough funds to get it back in the black . We didn 't have the money to get our kids ' Christmas , but someone paid our lay away . Plus others gave the kids small gifts . Our deacons and preacher decided to help us out without our asking . I went to pay our light bill only to find it had already been paid . Someone anonymously gave us money in a Christmas card . Let me say this - we have asked NO ONE for any help at all ! Our God has known our needs and supplied them ! I did need faith to make it through 2013 , more than I 've ever needed before . And though my life may look bad to others , it is looking more beautiful than ever to me . When Ronnie quit his job , the old hymn ran through my mind , " God will take care of you / through everything or all the way / He will take care of you / God will take care of you . " Yes , He will , if you have the faith to let him . When we were 2 or 3 , Ronnie 's family was in a car accident that left him a paraplegic . But , as I was telling my mom tonight , we never paid attention to the wheelchair . Ronnie 's personality was bigger than what we saw when we looked at him . He was nice , friendly , funny and always upbeat . I know he had hard days and probably had more to complain about than most of us , but I don 't remember him using his different abilities to gain sympathy . He was just one of the kids . In high school I decided to pursue a career in the health field and took some of the classes related to that . Ronnie was in those classes with me because he wanted to be a doctor . I always thought that was an awesome goal . Like me , his goals changed and he had been pursuing a degree in information systems . He didn 't let his disability affect what he wanted to do with his life and I find that admirable . More recently , Ronnie had fought cancer . He had a bone marrow transplant and seemed to be doing well . Then all of a sudden , he had complications from pneumonia and he passed . Seeing someone your age , that you grew up with , in a casket is hard to take in . It 's a big reminder that we should live each day as though it 's our last . We should tell those that we love what they mean to us . Live your life with meaning . Make others smile . Live so that others will say that you were an inspiration , just as I heard so many say about Ronnie tonight . I 've gotta tell ya , that scale just will NOT budge one tiny little bit ! It doesn 't matter what time of day I weigh , if I 've eaten recently or not , or whether I 've drank a gallon of water or not , I weigh the exact same thing ! Right down the the ounce ! It 's very frustrating ! I know I 'm not doing too great on eating , but I 'm doing better than I was . And I know I 'm not exercising much , but I chase around two toddlers all day while I 'm nursing , and then we run all around the country in the evenings to various events . Couldn 't that count for something ? ! Oh well . . . . On a positive note , I have lost some thickness . I measured everything a couple of weeks ago and then re - measured today and had lost half an inch around my waist and 1 / 4 " on the hips . Those are the only places I measured today , but I was happy with that because it means I 'm getting closer to getting out of my stretched out maternity clothes . I 'm going to miss their comfort , but it will be nice to have more than two outfits again ! Tuesday afternoon Ethan had baseball practice . No big deal . We got there and he took off to the field with his coach and team mates . I sat in the van with sleeping Elijah , hungry Melia and impossible - to - contain in an open area Ezra . A friend from church came over to chat and we talked a bit while Ezra bounced all around the inside of the van . At 6 . 30 , I went to the field and got Ethan since we needed to leave to go to church . We all got back to the van to load up , and I went to crank the van . There was a problem . The van wouldn 't crank . I tried again . And again . And again . No luck . But then I couldn 't take the key out of the ignition . I had to idea how to fix the thing ! I looked around and found one of Ronnie 's friends . I had him come over and see what he could do . He found that the battery posts were corroded so he tried cleaning them off and then hooked up jumper cables to jump the van off . No luck . He cleaned some more and we tried again . No luck again . My friend from church came over with her drink and we poured it on the battery . Once again we tried to crank it , but had no luck . At this point Ronnie 's friend got another vehicle brought over and we tried to crank the van with two vehicles ' batteries . No luck . By now , there were several people around . All of them were trying to figure out why in the world my van wouldn 't start . It just didn 't make sense . The friend from church tried to crank it one more time . And when she did , she asked why the van was in " neutral " rather than " park . " No one knew , but she shifted it into " park , " and tried once more to crank it . Lo and behold , it started ! The only problem was that it had been in the wrong Posted by Thus far , Ethan has lost five of his baby teeth . After the first three , the tooth fairy showed up , deposited a dollar bill , and left a happy child in her wake . That 's how I imagine her process works on a good night , c anyway . With tooth number four , there was a slight hiccup . By this I mean that Ethan 's daddy was home . One would think assistance from a father would help the tooth fairy remember the task at hand , but no , it didn 't . That fairy stayed up late talking to the man of the house and forgot why she was even at our house in the first place . Shame on her ! The next morning Ethan flew into my room in quite a tizzy exclaiming , " The tooth fairy didn 't leave me any money ! " Yikes ! Not what parents want to hear . Ronnie quickly grabbed a spare bill and went to the kids ' room to help " find " what the tooth fairy had actually left . Ethan bought it . Whew ! Surely that tooth fairy had learned her lesson ! Last night , Ethan told me that his other top front tooth was loose . And indeed it was . I instructed him to wiggle it really good and saw that it was time to be removed . I offered to yank it out , but he declined , saying that he could do it himself . Alrighty . Sure enough , he got brave and pulled hard enough only to look down at his cloth to see no tooth . It was quite funny to watch . With his mouth hanging open , trying to keep his pearly whites visible and talk at the same time , he mumbled , " Is it still there ? " " Yes , sweetie , it 's still there . You 're going to have to really pull on it hard to get it all the way out . " And that he did ! He pulled and there was his little tooth on the cloth ! " Take a picture , Mama ! " ( It looked gross , so I 'm not sharing . ) Only the money wasn 't there when he woke up . Yup . That tooth fairy done messed up again ! Apparently she was super tired and totally forgot the previous evening 's events and didn 't even think about delivering a reward for Ethan 's bravery . At least that 's what I heard . Someone really should fire this chick and get a more reliable fairy for these kids . I was feeding Melia when Ethan comes charging at me with his Kleenex - bound tooth , declaring in an angry voice , " She didn 't even come ! My tooth is still here and there 's NO money ! " Uh oh . I explained that she had probably been , but why would she really want your tooth anyway , and told him to get dressed while I went to see if I could find his money . For a second I saw a look on his face telling me that he has the worst tooth fairy in the world . I agree , sadly . I quickly grabbed a dollar and headed to his room , pretending to dig under his pillow and yelled out to him , " I found it ! I don 't know why you didn 't see it ! It 's right here ! Come see for yourself ! " Did he buy it ? I don 't know . Did he get his dollar ? Yes . Was he happy ? Yes , he was . Is the tooth fairy in trouble ? Yes , I think she is . Maybe she 'll redeem herself next time . After I scheduled the appointments , I worried about the logistics of my choice . How will I hold Ezra and / or Melia while they 're getting shots while also caring for the other ? How will I console each one after said shots ? Everyone knows that Mama 's hugs take the hurt away . First of all , there 's nothing like the looks of other parents in the waiting room when the nurse comes out and calls not one , not two , but three names and you 're the only family moving . Then there 's nothing like trying to get toddlers to stand still to be weighed and measured . Who am I kidding ? There 's nothing like doing anything with all these kiddos . : ) Nurse Pamela and Dr . Connors are so awesome at taking care of children . They love their jobs and it shows ! They both handled my three - in - one appointment very well and I was very appreciative . Ladies first ! Melia weighs in at 10lbs . 1oz . She 's still a light weight ! This puts her in the 23rd percentile for her age . She is 23 " long which is the 60th percentile so she 's just about average in length . We 're hoping she starts to bulk up soon ! Ezra weighs in at 33 . 6lbs . He is 35 " tall . His weight is the 93rd percentile and his height is the 60th . Therefore , he 's average in height , but a little on the chunky side . The good news is that he is more slim than he was at his last checkup so he 's moving in the right direction ! Elijah is in the 84th percentile for height , measuring 41 " . And his weight is 41 . 6lbs . , which is the 84th percentile . I was told he was on the heavy side as well , but I 'm really not too concerned . He really isn 't big at all ! Everyone is healthy and growing , but we 're preparing to investigate Elijah 's speech a little further . While I can understand most of what he says , there are times that I have no clue what he is saying and we end up playing charades . Many times , when he 's asked to repeat something a few times , he gets frustrated and stops the conversation . I feel so bad for him when he can 't get his point across ! He 's a smart boy and has lots to say , but it is difficult for him to articulate . Dr . Connors explained that I should definitely be able to understand nearly everything he 's saying , and others should be able to understand the majority of his speech , but that 's not the case . The doctor 's office is making contact with the proper venues and we 'll be referred for evaluation soon . Today his hearing was tested and he passed with flying colors so we were able to rule out any audiological problems , thankfully . And I must say , these three kiddos were awesome today ! Elijah and Ezra took the flu mist with no problems , Ezra didn 't flinch when he had his toe poked for blood tests , and Melia only cried a little when she got her THREE shots . I 'm so thankful that they are well cared for and that we have the means to take them for medical care ! I hate snakes . It 's biblical . Remember in Genesis when the serpent convinced Eve to eat the forbidden fruit ? And then Adam did and God found out ? Then when it all came out , God told the serpent he 'd have to crawl on his belly and that there would be enmity between the serpent and the woman . Enmity means hostility or hatred . Therefore , there is enmity between me and any snake I happen to come into contact with , especially when he decides to enter my home . Last Thursday , the kids and I were getting ready to go to the library for preschool story time . I told the boys to go to their rooms to get shoes . They both went to Elijah 's room , so Melia and I went to Ezra 's room . Right about Ezra 's shoe basket was a hole that Ronnie had to put in the wall in order to work on the bath tub faucet in the next room . I 'd been after him to patch it up for awhile , but it hadn 't been done . I was standing in the bedroom , looking down in the shoe basket , when some movement caught my eye . There was a snake crawling into my house through that hole ! I lost it ! I started screaming and yelled at the boys to get out of the house . They had no clue what was going on , but they started screaming and took off . I ran to the phone and called Ronnie . Being 3 . 5 hours away , there wasn 't really anything he could do . He said he 'd get someone over here , but I told him it wouldn 't matter because there was no way I was hanging around waiting on them . When we hung up , I went back to Ezra 's room , but didn 't see the snake . I wasn 't about to go looking for him , so I shut the door and sealed the room off by shoving towels under it . Then I got out of there until Ronnie could get home . When I got home that night , Ronnie had looked through the room , but had no luck finding the snake . But he was sweet and moved Ezra 's bed to the other room . The door was shut again and the towels replaced . Friday , Ronnie repeated the search . He went through the room , looked in all the dresser drawers , and messed around in the closet . ( The closet is messy because that 's where all my craft stuff is and it is far from organized here lately . ) No snake . On Saturday , my dear husband decided it was time to patch the hole . Finally . He did a good job and I was appreciative . He looked again , but found no slithering critter . He assured me that the snake had more than likely gone back out the way it had entered . After all that time , the door was left open , but Ezra stayed in the other room . Monday morning , Ronnie got up and left like normal . I got up , sent Ethan to school , and then I took the other kids to my mom 's so I could help her out some . We got home in time to get Ethan off the bus , to do homework and fix supper before heading to church for revival . Things were going well . Then I had to go to the bathroom . Sorry if this is TMI . I was sitting there when a movement caught my eye at the full length mirror across from me . It was that stupid snake . I jumped up and ran out the bathroom and then out the front door . The boys followed me . I was looking for the shovel , but I couldn 't find it . I started looking for anything to kill that booger with . He wasn 't getting away again ! ( In my mind I was trying to figure out how to get everything we would need for the rest of the week in 2 seconds in case my plan to kill this thing didn 't work . ) Looking around our yard , I saw a tomato plant and there was a porch rail that Ronnie had used to stake the plant . I ran over to it , yanked it out of the dirt , ripped the plant off of it and started back inside . I yelled for Ethan to get Melia and to keep everyone outside . In the bathroom , the snake was still where he had been . I stepped onto the bath tub and rammed his body with my stick . He took off under a box that was sitting at the wall . I used the stick to throw the box out of the way and started jabbing him with the stick . I couldn 't see his head because he went under a pile of clothes , so I was hitting his body . That 's when he brought his head out and struck of the the stick . I tried to hit his head , but missed again and he struck again . I just kept hitting him with the stick with all I had , the whole time praying out loud for God to please help me because I couldn 't do this . Finally , I hit his head and he stopped striking . I hit him a couple more times for good measure and walked out of the bathroom . I called my daddy and asked him to come dispose of the corpse , then I called Ronnie to tell him that I had gotten the snake . Neither of them could hardly understand me because I could barely talk . I could barely breathe and I was shaking like never before . I walked outside to where my babies were and fell on the ground . I just sat there , shaking , until my daddy got there . I had trouble sleeping last night because I kept seeing that snake every time I closed my eyes . But I am thankful for many things in this situation . I 'm thankful that I was the one who saw it both times . If the boys had seen it in their room , they probably would have picked it up , thinking it was a toy . I 'm thankful it didn 't bother my babies while they were sleeping . I 'm thankful it didn 't bite anyone . And I 'm thankful that God gave me the strength and courage to kill it , because that wasn 't me . Not too much to post about this week because I didn 't do very well . I tried eating less , but I was hungry all the time . This led to me overeating right before bedtime . Then there 's the fact that I only exercised one time all week . Not a good combo . I forgot to weigh this weekend , but I remembered today . It was lunch time ( I like to weigh first thing in the morning ) and I had been eating and drinking through the morning , but I was right around where I started . So , I didn 't lose , but I didn 't really gain too much either . And that 's a good thing . Oh well . I 'll try to do better this week . I 'm trying to eat more at breakfast to curb daytime snacking . We 're also eating supper earlier because we have revival this week so maybe that will help as well . There 's the whole gestational diabetes thing . I 've been diagnosed three times and was told that because of this I am at a much higher risk of developing diabetes later in life . I don 't want that . I weighed at my parents ' house ( I don 't want scales at my house so I don 't become obsessive . ) last weekend and again yesterday . And in the first week I 'm down . 6 . Not too bad ! I 'm not going on any crazy diets . I won 't limit myself to only certain foods or take anything crazy . I 'm going to work on portion control and some exercise . I 'm not going to stress if the pounds don 't melt away because I 'm still the sole source of nourishment for Melia . Elijah has just informed me that his baby sister 's name is Mister P . He went over to the pack n play and asked me , " Where is Mister P ? " Once I figured out that he was talking about Melia , I told him I was feeding her . Silly boy was looking at her the whole time . So he comes over and starts singing a personalized song for Mister P . It went something like this : Ronnie and I knew what we were going to name her when we found out we were having a girl , kind of . Melia was originally going to be her middle name , but I decided I didn 't like the first name we had picked as much as I once thought I did . So we decided to name her Melia . For those that haven 't figured it out , " Melia " is " Melissa " without the two " s " es . Since the name isn 't common and I spelled it weird , I have found several different meanings for Melia . I 've seen several meanings according to " Melea " in the Bible , which include " fulness " and " supplied . " I like to think that God supplied us with her after we prayed for her and also that she has made our family full . It is also a common Hawaiian name which means Plumeria , a beautiful flower . Her middle name is Pearl . This is for two reasons . The first is that my great grandmother 's name was Pearl and we try to incorporate a family name as the middle name of each of the kids . The second reason has a cute little story . Ronnie taught Sunday School for the first time back in the spring , in May , I think . While he was teaching , he mentioned patience , and that he had been told he has the patience of a clam . One of the pupils , who had never heard that saying , asked why a clam was considered patient . Ronnie explained that a clam has to be patient in order to take something that irritates it , a grain of sand , and turn it into a beautiful pearl , a process that takes a long time . The student looked over at me and told Ronnie that he must be patient because he got his pearl , meaning me . After that class I told Ronnie that he had been patient and was finally getting a girl ( he always wanted a " Daddy 's Girl " ) so I thought it would be neat to name her Pearl . He agreed and now we have Melia Pearl . It actually didn 't take long for the nurse in L & D to call me back , but at the time it felt like forever . When the phone rang , I grabbed it , but hesitated to answer . I was wondering how I would react when she told me to call back or wait until the next day . I answered and was told that I could come on in , to get there when I could . What ? ! Seriously ? ! I 'm getting to go to the hospital ? Okay ! Last pregnant picture . Once I was changed and in bed , the nurse arrived to start getting me prepped . I was so happy that it was Donna , the nurse who was with me when I had Elijah ! The doctor came in once I was on the IV and explained that the antibiotic needed to be in me for four hours before delivery to prevent a longer hospital stay and since she felt that I have fast labors she wasn 't going to start pitocin just yet and wouldn 't break my water until around 3 . 00 . I said that would be fine . She checked me and I was only around 2 cm dilated . So for the next three hours Ronnie and I hung out in the room waiting for the action to get started . Finally around 3 . 30 the doctor came back to break my water . I was only around 2 . 5 cm when she did that , but once my water was broken , I really started to feel some contractions . The contractions really affected my back . When I would get up to visit the rest room , I would feel better , but as soon as I had to get back in that bed , my back hurt so bad . I mentioned this to Donna and she asked if I wanted the peanut ball . I had no idea what she was talking about so she said she 'd bring it to me and see if it helped . I found out that this is a peanut ball : Oh boy did that thing help ! Donna helped me get on it and I bounced and swayed on that ball for about two hours ! I could still feel the contractions , and some of them hurt , but I could adjust myself so that my back didn 't hurt so bad . The problem with the peanut ball was that the external heart monitor wasn 't picking up baby girl 's heart rate too well . Part of it was that she was moving and part was that I was bouncing all over the place . Because of this , I had to get back in the bed for a bit so we could be sure she was doing okay . Once I hit the bed , the contractions felt 10 times , 100 times worse than before . When everyone left ( but Ronnie ) and I had the chance to focus on my body and nothing else , I started thinking about the epidural . Soon after it was time for Donna to go home so she introduced me to Sue , who would be with me through the night . Right after shift change , I asked to be checked . When I was told I was 5 . 5 cm I opted for the epidural . I felt that I had too far to go and that I was hurting too bad to make it without one . I was disappointed in myself because I had really wanted to deliver without one , but I just couldn 't hack it . It seemed like it took forever for the anesthesiologist to get to my room , but she was there rather quickly since she had just left a C - section down the hall . Ronnie was told to sit in a chair across the room because too many daddies had passed out during the administration before . This made me nervous because he had always been right there with me before . But Sue was great at helping me do what I was supposed to . I was sitting on the bed with my legs crossed ( as well as they would cross with my big belly in the way ) and leaning onto Sue . Let me say , this was the worst , most painful experience of my life . The lady stuck me with some numbing stuff , then tried to insert the epidural . She couldn 't get it to do right . Then she stuck me again and jabbed around in my back . She pulled out and stuck me again . More rough pushing . Oh my word , I thought I would die ! I don 't remember if she stuck me a forth time or not , but she was pushing and talking my ears off about crap I didn 't care about . Then she hit a nerve , literally , and my leg moved with a sharp pain and I screamed . Then she did it again and again . Not having control of a moving body part is such an odd feeling . She asked if I had ever had trouble with an epidural before and I told her no about the time she got it to work . During that process my contractions were coming faster and harder . Before she got it in , I told her and Sue that I needed to push . Baby Girl was coming and I needed to push her out ! NOW ! I had to sit in that position for a couple more minutes while the anesthesiologist finished up . Once she did , I was told I could lay down , but I couldn 't move because I was in the midst of a crazy contraction and had I moved , I believe the baby would have shot out of me ! When the contraction was over , I turned in the bed and the nurse checked me . I know it sounds gross , but she barely touched me and announced , " You 're complete ! " The doctor was called in and was working on getting dressed in her scrubs while I was told to not push . Hardest thing in the world is trying to hold back a baby that wants out ! Finally I was told that I could push and I did with all my might . Her head came out , then her shoulders on the next push and finally the rest of her on the last push of the contraction . On Monday morning , I called the doctor 's office to inquire of the order of events for Friday morning 's induction . I have always been told when to call L & D and not to eat or drink after midnight the night before , but I was literally told nothing this time . When I spoke with nurse Donna , she had already been planning to call because she realized what had happened . She told me to call the hospital at 5 . 00 Friday morning and to plan to be there at 5 . 30 if a bed was available . I thought it was early , but it would be alright . On Thursday , Ronnie got home and we took the boys out for pizza before we dropped them off with overnight bags and sleeping bags at Grandma Jackie 's house . I felt terrible leaving my babies , but it would be so much hassle to get them out so early the next morning . Ronnie and I went home alone and did things around the house the rest of the night until I finally fell asleep sometime between midnight and 1 . 00 . The alarm went off at 3 . 30 a . m . and I waddled to the bathroom to take my last pregnant bath . I soaked for a bit and watched Baby Girl wiggle around in my tummy . We got everything packed into the van and I made the call to the hospital at 5 . 00 . It was then that I heard what I 've never been told before . There were no open beds . I was told to call back at 7 . 30 . At this point it was nearly impossible to go back to sleep , but Ronnie forced me back to bed and eventually I did get a little more rest . At 7 . 30 Ronnie called back to L & D while I stayed in bed . He was told that there were several patients scheduled for discharge , but they were still full so I would need to call back at 10 . 00 . At this point I felt like we wouldn 't be meeting our baby that day . I was tired and emotional , but Ronnie was so sweet and tried his best to keep me calm . I was also starving because they still said I couldn 't have anything to eat . We decided to go see the boys so we left and stayed at my grandma 's until it was time to call back . At 10 . 00 I called once again . This time I didn 't receive information to call again or to come in . I was asked for the phone number where I could be reached and simply told that I would get a call back later . I was beyond upset . I felt so down . I had prepared myself for this day for two weeks and now nothing was going like I had pictured . I should have been in labor by then , but I wasn 't even in the same town as the hospital . I wanted to cry , but I was too tired . I wanted to do something , go somewhere , but I was stuck at my grandma 's house until I got a call back . I was just ready to have my baby . At 37 weeks pregnant ( July 3rd ) , I visited the doctor that just loves to schedule me for inductions . This appointment did not disappoint . He was pleased with my blood pressure , blood sugar and weight , but he really felt that it would be better for me to go ahead and get on the schedule . I had a growth ultrasound before the appointment and it revealed that Baby Girl weighed approximately 7lbs . 9oz . Not small by any means , and there were three weeks before she should arrive . Therefore , I reluctantly agreed to the thing I wanted least . He wanted to schedule me for the 17th , at 39 weeks exactly , but I asked for the 19th so that Ronnie would be home and not have to miss any work . He agreed that it should be okay . The next week , at 38 weeks , I saw Dr . Richardson ( he delivered Ezra ) . He was disappointed that he wouldn 't be delivering our baby ( I was too ) and offered to change the induction to Monday , July 22 . Ronnie and I debated heavily on this , but ultimately decided that we would stay with the 19th . By this point we felt that we needed to use another " E " name and that it should probably be biblical . That didn 't leave very many options . We tossed around a few names and had decided that we liked Ezekiel . That was the baby 's name and we just needed to find a middle name to go with it . But then we had a discussion and decided that we might like Ezra better . We were so indecisive ! Finally , not long before he was born , we decided that we like Ezra and that would be baby 's name . Ezra , incidentally , means " help " ( another Hebrew name ) and the Lord knew I was going to need help with this child ! But then we needed a middle name . Gosh ! Naming babies is hard ! We talked about names that are in each of our families and decided that William was well represented on both sides , and it 's a good , solid male name . Then there 's the fact that every time I was pregnant one of my colleagues would rub my belly saying , " I know there 's a Will in there ! " Her son was William and he is a great young man whom I wouldn 't mind my boys looking up to . And not long before he was born , we decided that this little man would be Ezra William . We didn 't have such an easy time choosing his name , but we finally agreed and we love it still . Mr . Elijah Hayes . I remember writing a list of Bible names that I liked ( I love Josiah , by the way , but Ronnie said no ! ) and giving it to Ronnie . He 'd tell me yes , no , or maybe for each one . I heard " no " a lot . But I didn 't hear " yes ' very much . And there were a few " maybe " answers . Eventually we reached a truce and we decided that the first name for this little boy would be Elijah . It 's another Hebrew name and means " the Lord is my God . " Plus there 's the fact that Elijah was a great prophet in the Bible . When we got to the middle name , we decided that we would name him after someone in my family . Vernon , after my dad ? No . Arlie , after my grandpa ? No . Robert ? Leroy ? Eugene ? Martin ? Rueben ? Obviously all a no . ( I have some strange and old - fashioned names on my side ! ) I decided one day to go through the geneology book that my grandpa Arlie researched many years ago . It was there that I discovered my great - grandfather Rueben 's middle name was Hayes . I liked it immediately . I shared it with Ronnie and he liked it too . It flowed well with Elijah . And we had the name for our second son . When Ronnie and I started dating we told each other that we didn 't want to have kids . Ha ! We were just going to date for awhile and then go our separate ways . Ha ! At least that 's what young me thought since I was heading off to college and wanted to explore the world without being tied down . Wasn 't I silly ? Within a few months I began to realize that this Ronnie guy wasn 't very easy to scare away and that there may be something to our relationship beyond weekend dates . It didn 't take long before we were talking marriage and dreaming about our future family . For some reason we decided that we wanted four kids . He has three sisters and I have 2 siblings so a smaller family just wouldn 't cut it . In our minds at the time we thought we 'd have 2 boys and 2 girls and we picked out their names . The very first name we picked was the first name we used : Ethan Tate . I had always loved the name Ethan and didn 't know very many guys with that name . It is of Hebrew origin and has a good meaning : firm , strong . Just what I 'd want my boy to be , firm in his beliefs and strong , both physically and mentally . Ronnie didn 't argue as he liked it too , but he was very particular about the middle name . He wanted him named after his grandfather . So we decided that Ethan Tate sounded good together and we tucked the name away to use when we had our future children . Fast forward 5 - ish years and when we went for the gender ultrasound of our second pregnancy and found out that we were expecting a boy , we knew automatically what his name would be . The easiest time choosing a name we 've had yet . Just a little side note : we ended up not using any of the other names we chose when we chose Ethan 's name . How odd is that ? I was scheduled to see the doctor that is always running behind . And he didn 't disappoint . After we had been in the waiting room for 25 minutes his nurse came around telling everyone that he was running behind . I mentioned that I wasn 't sure if I needed an NST today or not , so she went to check for me . A few minutes later I was being taken to a room to get started . Nurse Joan is the sweetest , most wonderful lady and she got me hooked up , watched the strip for awhile and asked if I was thirsty . Of course I was ! I stay thirsty these days . I ended up getting a cold water and an ice pack for my neck while Baby Girl kicked and moved around . Thankfully , everything on the strip looked great and we were told she 's doing well . There is much debate on whether cervical checks are worthwhile or not so I was asked if I wanted to be checked or not . Last week I was only a fingertip so I was curious to find out if anything has been happening with all these contractions I 've been having . Surprisingly the doctor said that I 'm almost a 2 ! Yay ! I was super excited ! He also mentioned that he wants to have another growth ultrasound so that is scheduled for Wednesday . He 's concerned because I " tend to grow big babies . " Yes , I know . Finally he mentioned an induction and choosing a date . I don 't know if I 'm crazy or what , but I politely declined , telling him that I 'd like to go into labor on my own this time . He seemed pretty supportive , but cautiously advised that there was no reason to go past my due date and that it would be advisable to not go past 39 weeks . But he understands that I 'd like to skip the pitocin . Therefore , at the moment , I am scheduled to go into labor on my body 's timing . We are being optimistic that I will go into labor by my due date and skip the induction process . The worry is that Ronnie is working 3 hours away four days a week . I 'm concerned that I 'll go into labor while he 's gone and that he may not make it in time . And then I worry about what I 'll do if I do go into labor while he 's gone ; what will I do with the kids , will I drive myself to the hospital , will I be alone in the delivery room ? Ironically , I 'm not stressed or worried about it . I 'm trying not to think about it too much , but I 'm pretty excited that I may get to experience spontaneous labor . Ronnie went with me for a 34 week check up . It was one of those where they check weight and bp , measure the big ole ball on my front side , listen to the baby 's heart , ask if we have questions and send us on our way in less than 10 minute visits . I never have questions , but Ronnie is a talker and has to talk even if it 's just to hear himself . Just kidding . He talked about my glucose levels with Dr . Mannino . He told her how frustrated I get when my numbers are high and that he tells me not to stress , but I don 't listen . So , with him sitting there grinning , the doctor agreed with him and reminded me that my numbers are looking very good and not to stress . Thanks , hon ! I went this past Thursday for a 35 week visit . I had to take Ethan with me since we came straight from his summer camp . Huge thanks to Gram Jackie or I would have had all three with me when they told me they were going to do the Group B Strep test . That could have been interesting . But Ethan is a pretty good kid and entertained himself with an I Spy tube in the hallway during the personal moments . Dr . Lennon was pleased with my glucose levels and said everything sounded / looked good . Thank you to him for not mentioning the 4 pound weight gain this week . ( Why can I go for 3 - 4 weeks maintaining and then BAM ! a huge gain at one time ? ! ) And then he checked for dilation and all these stinkin ' contractions have gained me a whole fingertip . I was hoping for more , but its a start so I 'll take it . A couple of weeks ago the boys played in the massive mud pit that is our yard . ( But we 're oh so thankful for all the rain we 've been getting this year ! ) They were literally covered from head to toe . They got sprayed off with the water hose in the back yard and then came in for baths it was so bad . Ethan had actually gotten it on his face , rather close to his eye . Ronnie and I cleaned them all up and we went on with life . The next morning I noticed Ethan 's left eye was a little red . We cleaned it out and figured it would get better . But a couple of days later we noticed a bubble on his eye . He said it didn 't hurt so we just kept an eye on it . Fast forward a couple more days and the bubble was gone , but the redness was back . Worse . I started to get more concerned , but everyone assured me it would get better and not to worry over it . Okay . The day of field day when Ethan came home his eye was more red than it had ever been . He told me his teacher had sent him to the nurse and she had cleaned it out again . I decided it was time for a doctor trip . I called the pediatrician and they said they 'd make an appointment with an eye doctor . That was cool until they called back with the appointment . . . . 11 days later . Thanks , but no thanks . I called my eye doctor and they said to come on down . Like right now . And he was seen within the hour . The doctor said that it was probably an allergic reaction to something . No telling what . Maybe even something that was just floating around in the air . He could see mounds on Ethan 's eye and that it could be cleared up with steroid drops . Awesome ! So here we are six days later and we 've followed up with the doctor . Ethan 's eye is clear and he 's being weaned off the drops . Moral of the story : don 't play around with eye care ! Things have been going well around the Kidd house . Normal everyday life . Its been nice , but sometimes things have to be shaken up to make you more thankful for the good times . I guess it actually started yesterday afternoon when I took Ethan to his ballgame , but for some reason just couldn 't get there on time . I drive 30 miles with a kid who complains of a headache and two brothers that are intent to make him feel worse , just to be within a mile of the field to get the call that the game has been called because of weather . Really ? Like the warning issued by the National Weather Service couldn 't help you make that decision an hour ago ? Anywho . We drive home in the storm and safely arrive in order to get ready for another day . The dog barked all night . Which scares the bejeezus out of me because he only barks when something or someone that shouldn 't be here , is . So I sneak glances through the blinds , but can 't find the culprit . Ezra woke up and wandered through the house before I got up . He was supposed to go get his diaper so I could change him , but he just walked around playing for awhile . When he finally came back to me ( It really was only a few minutes . I don 't let my kids goof off forever without adult supervision . ) he had poop all over his little legs , leaking from his diaper . It . Was . Nasty . I scoop him up , take him to the bathroom and get him cleaned up in the tub . That wasn 't so bad , even if I didn 't want to deal with crap ( literally ) first thing this morning . Clean and fresh we head to the kitchen for breakfast . That 's when I find it . The trail of poop he has left throughout the house . Ugh . Across the living room , to the kitchen ( especially in front of the fridge ) , into and back out of the laundry room , to the boys ' bathroom ( where he must have tried to use the potty or clean himself up . . . I really don 't want to know ) and I 'm guessing a repeat back through the living room to me . We do some things around the house ( clean a poop trail ) eat breakfast and play until lunch time . After lunch , the boys are laid down for a nap . Except they really don 't want to take a nap today . Of course not ! Who wants a nap ? Ezra sneaked into Elijah 's room and , since they were playing quietly , I let them be . Until Ezra let out a blood curdling scream . I take off . He looks fine , but he 's crying like nobody 's business , obviously hurting . I look for Elijah . He 's lying on his bed like he 's been there the whole time trying to take a nap . Yeah . Right . I try to get Ezra to tell me what 's wrong , but he can 't get it out . I 'm looking him over and asking Elijah what happened . " Me don 't know . " Finally Ezra tells me , " JiJi . Hit . Head . Hurt . " Poor baby got knocked in the head by his " innocent " brother . I start looking at his little head and then I see it . Blood . Coming from a little gash . Ewww . I 'm looking around trying to figure out what caused the damage and he shows me the dinosaur that Elijah knocked him with . Great . What do I do ? Do I need to go to urgent care ? Or the ER ? Wait . . . I have a kid getting off the bus in thirty minutes so I can 't go anywhere . I clean it up and send Ronnie a picture . He thinks he 'll be okay , but I may want someone else to check it out . I decide to keep an eye on it for a bit just to see what happens . I baby Ezra for a bit , go get Ethan , come back to the house to cook supper so we can get ready to go to the game that is being played tonight . ( Another 60 mile round trip . Yay . ) I start cooking the meat and turn on a pot of water for some noodles . I remembered I needed to ask my mom something so I give her a call . I 'm sitting at the desk , on the phone , when I hear something . I look up in time to see a Pyrex dish and the plate that was on top of it explode and fly across the kitchen in thousands of tiny pieces . And then there 's the fact that Ezra was in the kitchen , only a few feet from the stove . I abruptly hang up on my mom , grab my shoes and go grab my baby . Thankfully he is fine with only one little boo boo on his arm . But it was all my fault because I turned on the wrong burner . Pregnancy brain ? I think so . About that time Rondo starts barking . I look out and my cousin is here . Which is fine . She 's picking something up for me and she is awesome enough to check Ezra 's head . I tell Ethan to get his uniform on every 5 seconds while they 're here so we can leave when they do . They leave . Ethan is still in school clothes . He couldn 't find his uniform . Even though he had it on last night . I got irritated . We finally leave home about 5 minutes before we should be at the field . I 'm good , but I can 't do 30 miles in 5 minutes . Or 25 for that matter because every single person I got behind insisted on driving 5 - 10 mph below the speed limit . Errr . We arrive and the rude lady at the gate takes my $ 2 even though I was told we wouldn 't have to pay . Ethan hops out to play ball and I sit in the car with sleeping babies . Remember , they never took a nap . They wake up and I go out to watch the last four hits of the game . That , my friends , is $ 2 well - spent . We hit Cookout on the way home and things were looking up . Everyone happily ate fatty food and talked until we got to our driveway . About that time Ezra coughed . I looked at him and asked if he was alright . He told me he was . 3 . 6 seconds later he spewed vomit all over the place . Great . I got him out of the car seat and helped him out of his clothes , the boys helped me carry things in and we got Ezra to the tub . I specifically told Elijah not to go in the kitchen since he didn 't have shoes on . And guess what . I 'm giving Ezra a bath when Elijah walks in with blood running out of his heel . Cut by glass . I wanted to say " I told you so , " so bad . But instead I explained why I give him instructions and boundaries to keep him safe . Which , bless his heart , makes him cry harder that when he gets any other punishment . I 'm sorry this is so long , but I 've got a point to make . I was all upset about everything that had gone down today . I even cried to Ronnie because everything was falling apart . I was ready to write this post and call it something like " Stay at home mom and the terrible , horrible , no good , very bad day . " But my mentor and friend messaged me on facebook and my outlook changed . I didn 't tell her all that happened today . We talked about how glad we are that we aren 't teaching anymore and how I 'm glad I made the decision to stay home . I even said / typed " a bad day at home beats a good day at work . " It hit me hard when I did that . Yeah , today was less than ideal . I didn 't get much done , my kid has at least four new boo boos for his daddy to kiss when he gets home tomorrow , I lost some dishes and had a mess to clean up , we spent more time on the road than playing baseball , but at least I wasn 't dealing with all the junk I 'd be dealing with at work . I chose to become a stay at home mom . I chose to deal with my kids 24 / 7 and that involves the good and the bad . And when we finished up our conversation , I said that I needed to " re - tuck " the kids because they 'd all gotten out of bed . Again . And she told me , " I miss that . . . you have no idea how much . Enjoy , my girl . Enjoy . " I had tears in my eyes . I may get overwhelmed at times . And my hormones contribute to me getting more flustered than normal , but I can feel it . I can sense that the boys are growing right before my eyes . I saw it in Ezra when I cut his hair and he didn 't look so babyish anymore . I saw it in Elijah when I realized he isn 't so bow - legged anymore and his pants started creeping up higher than his ankles . I saw it in Ethan on his field trip last week when he was content to hang out with his friends and looked like a big kid walking around with his new - found confidence . It hurts to think of it , but my kids will be gone all too soon . I can 't stop them from growing up . I wouldn 't want to . So even on days like today , I need to stop and remember that this is only a season . My days won 't be like this forever . One day I 'll be sitting in a quiet house without boo boos to kiss or games to drive to and I know I 'll miss it . And when I remember this I 'm thankful that God has given me the opportunity to mother these three little boys . I 'm blessed , but I often forget it . Today I 'm thankful that Ezra didn 't need stitches . I 'm thankful that he wasn 't hurt by flying glass . I 'm thankful that Ethan got to do something he enjoys . I 'm thankful that I worked on teaching Elijah to say " yes ma ' am " instead of " why " when he 's told to do something . I 'm thankful that I get to be so involved in the lives of these little people . I had a normal appointment scheduled today with Dr . Mannino . Then I had to add an ultrasound before that so I was expecting to spend all afternoon at the OB office . I got to the office five minutes early ( yay me ! ) and was called back with three minutes to check out Baby Girl 's growth . For everyone who keeps telling me how huge I am , or that I look like I could birth a baby any minute , I 'm telling you what the tech told me today : Baby Girl is 4lbs . 6oz . and healthy . ( This is 60 % for 32 weeks . ) And she is " taking up every bit of space that she has available . " I think she 's going to look like her brothers ( all their ultrasounds seem to look the same to me ) and she has hair ( time to make some baby bows ! ) . Then I was sent back to the lobby only to be called out for my normal appointment like 30 seconds later . Weight was the same as last week and BP was good with the top number starting to creep up a little . I really thought I was going to be out of the place within 30 minutes , but I spent 20 waiting on the doctor to come in . ( No worries since I still left 20 minutes before my scheduled time . ) She looked at my glucose log and said my numbers this week looked great and to keep doing the same thing . She measured me and we listened to the heart and I was sent on my merry way for 2 weeks . * I lost 1lb . ! I 've really gained too much weight this go around so I can most definitely handle a loss at this point . So I 've been on the GD diet for 2 weeks and have maintained weight . * Medication started at the previous checkup will stay the same for another week . 2 . 5mg of Glyburide at night to keep my fasting numbers down . But if they continue to creep up I 'll be started on a morning and evening dose next week . I 'm happy as long as I don 't have to give myself insulin shots ! * Due to me taking meds for GD , I will be getting another ultrasound to make sure Baby Girl isn 't a little too much on the chunky side . And to make sure that her growth isn 't slowing due to the medications . It 's been scheduled for next Thursday before my normal appointment . * I don 't have to start NSTs ( non - stress tests ) yet . Depending on which doctor I see , I 'm told a different week to start them . I imagine it will be soon though . * Nothing has been mentioned about induction yet . I really want to go into labor on my own , but I 'm afraid that an induction will be necessary around 39 weeks like it has been in the past . I 've had more intense Braxton Hicks contractions this time than I had with any of the boys so maybe my body has figured out how to go into labor on its own . We 'll just have to wait and see on this one . I hate that I vented in my last post , but I was just keeping things real . Everything isn 't always wonderful and I want to remember that when I look back through my posts . ( Since I 've had this blog awhile , I love going back and reading old posts . ) Sometimes life gets tough , and I almost titled this post , " Getting Over It , " but that 's not what we do . We don 't " get over things . " We take each experience and use it to shape who we are afterwards . We don 't have things happen and then forget they ever happened . We work through things . We learn . We struggle . We pray . We work . We make it through . And that 's what I 'm doing . Sure , it 's tough being a mother , a wife , a daughter , granddaughter , sister , aunt , a friend . But I don 't want to get over any of those roles . I want to continue those roles and enjoy the path that I 'm on . I 'm vaguely aware of the fact that Mother 's Day is Sunday . I probably wouldn 't think too much of it , but my sister called wanting to know what I 'm getting our mom . Ummmm . . . . I have no idea . Nor do I know what I 'm getting any of the other mothers in our lives . What 's Mother 's Day got to do with this post ? Glad you ask . Mother 's Day is a day to honor the women who helped make us who we are , the women who made all the sacrifices look easy , the women who would gladly go back and do it all again , even knowing what they know now . But I haven 't been feeling worthy of the honor . I haven 't been doing so well with all the " motherly " things . I 'm overwhelmed and feel like I 'm going under . The kids aren 't listening . I have to repeat myself 439 times to get my point across , but by the 15th time I 'm yelling and red - faced . Ezra almost refuses to wear a diaper . . . . or go to the potty . I 'm tired of cleaning crap up , literally . Ethan is in some sort of weird funk . . . he 's bossy and mean and I can 't get him to open up to me about it . Elijah thinks he 's a big kid and yet , still wants to be a baby and therefore , I clean up more crap , again literally . My house is a disaster . I haven 't felt like cleaning and apparently no one else who lives here full - time does either . ( I don 't include Ronnie because he 's rarely here and most of the mess isn 't his . His biggest mess is a suitcase of dirty clothes to wash every weekend , but I didn 't even have to touch that last week . ) The laundry is still piled up from the great washing machine fail and I just can 't seem to catch up . Then I can 't find the laundry detergent I like anywhere around here . Errrr . Then there 's the fact that the responsibility of cleaning my grandmother 's apartment out has fallen to me and my mom . Cleaning 10 years of a pack rat 's junk is definitely not fun . ( One would think that seeing all of her junk would motivate me to clean , but it just makes me tired . Then the nurse from my OB office called today to tell me that I failed my glucola test . Miserably . And that I need to do the three hour test . Unless I think I 'll fail it too . Guess what ? I 'll fail it . So monitoring begins immediately . Except when I got to the pharmacy to get my supplies , the doctor hadn 't called them in yet . And those are the big things . There are so many little things irritating me here lately . . . . like every single little thing . I 've been in situations that were far more stressful and felt fine . Why am I going crazy now ? I pray its just hormones and goes away soon . Why did I post this ? To show that life isn 't always perfect . My kids aren 't perfect . I 'm not perfect . Also , I needed to get it all off of my chest and didn 't want to get to the point that I was emailing Ronnie to please come home because every time I talked to him on the phone all I could do was cry . And because once I got it all typed out I started realizing my blessings . And that 's where I needed to get . My kids are healthy . They are all boy and keep me on my toes . I 'm experiencing a ( mostly ) healthy pregnancy and I have great doctors who are watching out for me and Baby Girl . I 'm fortunate to have a home and all kinds of junk to go in it . We have clothes to wear , food to eat and love to share . I 'm lucky to still have a mom and grandmas , even though they all can drive me crazy to a point . My mama sleeps late , but she always has food to share . Gram Jackie is always asking me favors , but I 'm so blessed that she 'll call me anytime she needs anything . I probably know her better than any of the other grandchildren and my boys love their " old " grandma beyond words . I 'm blessed that my Grandma Summerlin knew my name yesterday . She called me by it at least twice and it made me want to cry . ( Never mind the fact that she asked about me being fat ( pregnant ) five times in as many minutes . I 'm blessed with a hard - working husband who does all that he can for me on the days that he is home . And I have a God in Heaven who is watching over me and reminding me not to worry so much because He is still in control . Posted by I 've been meaning to post an update , but there really isn 't much going on . But that 's a good thing ! Since the ultrasound , I 've had 2 appointments , 20 and 24 weeks . At the 20 week appointment , I did a 1 hour glucola test . I dreaded it . When I got to the office the ladies at the front didn 't know anything about it , so I thought I may get to skip it . No such luck . One lady looked up while on the phone and asked the famous question , " Orange or fruit punch ? " Ugh . ) I always get orange because red foods / drinks give me headaches . ) The lab tech brought me my drink and it was stinkin ' fruit punch ! What 's a girl to do ? I put on my big girl panties and guzzled it down to wait my hour . I went in for my appointment with the OB , a new woman , and everything looked great . Baby 's heartbeat is strong , She said I was okay with my weight and asked if I had any questions . I mentioned my sinus issues and that my ear had been bothering me so she checked it out and wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic . Four weeks later I returned , accompanied by Ronnie for the first time . Yay ! I hate going by myself . The whole appointment didn 't last 20 minutes , but I got upset because I had gained SEVEN pounds in those four weeks . I still don 't know what happened , but God bless that doctor ( same new lady ) , she didn 't mention a word about weight . I could have hugged her for that ! She did re - check my ear , but I couldn 't help myself . I started laughing and she asked if I was okay . I told her I was , but I was the only person I know who goes to the gynecologist to get my ears checked . That 's when I found out she has a sense of humor , thankfully . Seems that this phenomenom has been rearing its ugly head with me lately . I 'll just use the past 24 hours as an example . After attending a play at Ethan 's school yesterday , I helped Grandma take a quilt to the Senior Center and took a quick trip to WalMart . Upon leaving the store , I couldn 't find my van . I walked around the parking lot for 10 minutes ( not even exaggerating , wish I was ) with 2 babies in the cart before I finally found it . Yesterday afternoon , Ezra unplugged my alarm clock . I re - set it before church so I wouldn 't have to worry about it at bedtime . When I went to bed , I set the alarm so I could get Ethan up and to the bus on time . This morning I hear Ezra moving around , and when I open my eyes discover the sun is up and the birds are chirping and its 7 . 30 rather than 6 . 00 . Looking at the clock , I think that I never even heard it go off . Upon further checking , I realized that I got my a . m . and p . m . mixed up last night and my alarm won 't go off until 6 . 00 this evening . Oh well . Two and a half months and I won 't be pregnant anymore . Posted by My word for 2013 is faith . I 've been having to constantly remind myself that God is in control and that I have to trust Him . I seem to struggle daily . The words to this song by Steel Bridge help me and I hope they help you too . I 'm thinking if maybe I blog my progress that I will get more accomplished ? Hold myself accountable , per say ? ( I don 't know how to spell per say . ) I just know that I 'm tired of trying ( and failing ) to control this cluttered mess and I 'm in a weird spring cleaning / nesting phase so I 'm going to go with it while I can ! If you have children , you have stuffed animals . They start to get them as gifts before they 're even born . And then they multiply in your children 's rooms until you want to pull your hair out ! No , maybe not . But when you have a husband who thinks the claw machines are the ultimate challenge and plays them anytime he 's out with the kids , then they seem to multiply . And Heaven forbid that you try to get rid of one . Your kid will know exactly where it came from , what he was doing when he received it ( or Daddy won it ) and then proceed to tell you all the memories associated with the animal . Really , I guess my kids don 't have too many , not for three boys anyways , but I was just not finding a way to store them that suited us . I had them in a tote . But the kids would throw them all around the room and play in the tote . Then Daddy took the tote for something else . We had them in the toy box , but they took up too much valuable space . Most of the time they just floated around the room and I was tired of seeing them strewn everywhere . So I started researching my options . Toy hammock Okay , I had one when I was a kid . I remember wanting a toy , climbing to get it , deciding to dump the whole thing , then not wanting to get them back to the ceiling so I didn 't utilize the hammock , rendering it useless . I saw the ideas where people hang them lower on the walls , but I needed something more vertical since we 'll have two kids in each room soon and we 'll need all the space we can get . I found some bean bag type chairs that you can put the stuffed animals in , but right now I really don 't know what color I want . I 'm still deciding how to decorate this room . I know , what a problem . I 'd never heard of a chain gang for stuffed animals . I 'm sure you can imagine the mental picture I got when I saw those words , right ? But this was exactly what I was looking for ! I found it on amazon for $ 9 . 99 , but when I went back to show it to Ronnie , the price had increased . Being the hopeful DIYers that we are , we schemed about the items we could buy to make it ourselves . This is what I came home with : a 15 ' dog chain ( I couldn 't find a plastic chain at my Wal - Mart and this was actually the cheaper , sturdier option . ) and some multi - purpose hanger clips I found in the laundry section . The original idea was clothespins and some sort of hook to connect the pin to the chain . These clips worked for both items . The chain was $ 5 . 97 and the clips were $ 2 . 97 per bag . So I spent about $ 12 , but we can cut the chain in two and have one for each room , but I 'd probably buy another bag or two of clips so it 'd be $ 18 for two chain gangs . I also used an eye hook to attach it to the ceiling . Actually Ronnie did that , but that 's all I had him do since I didn 't need to balance on the table he did to attach it . I 'm a little " front heavy " these days . Our final project ! I 'm pretty proud of it ! The animals are off the floor , they are visible and they don 't take up much space ! Posted by I 'm that kid . Inside my head I 'm screaming , " Are we freakin ' there yet ? " Except we 're not going anywhere . We 're holed up at home because everyone is sick . Let me preface this by saying that when I worked in a school with germ - ridden teens everyday we were a pretty healthy family . I guess my immune system was pretty tough and I brought home just enough grossness to build up the immunities of the boys and we were good to go . Quit my job and all of a sudden my family turns into some of the sickest people I know . ( Don 't quote my science there because , well , it 's probably not very factual . ) So a couple of weeks ago Ezra started throwing up out of the blue at an ungodly hour in the morning . Great . I did the loving mama thing and he was all better when he woke up later in the morning . But then the next day , it hit me . I was so sick I couldn 't function - and I had three kids to take care of alone . Not an hour later , Elijah got it too . We were a hot mess . And Bless Ethan 's heart , he was doing his best to take care of us . Everyone finally made it to bed and it hit Ethan . I was sick and taking care of sick boys and one wild toddler . While he was cooking , Ronnie started to feel " not quite right . " Hmmmm . By early morning I could hear him in the bathroom and it didn 't sound pleasant . His fever would go up and then break just to go back up again . He was achy , he slept a lot and he looked like crud . This went on all day . Monday he got up and left for work . Soon after the sun came up I heard a truck outside and there was my husband , looking worse than before . He ended up staying in bed all day Monday and Tuesday . Wednesday he moved to the recliner . I hated him being sick , but it was manageable . Tuesday , again at some ungodly hour ( I don 't do interrupted sleep very well . ) , Ronnie brought Elijah to me . The child was on fire . Where 's the thermometer ? Nowhere to be found , of course . Tylenol it is . I 've got this . All day long his fever would go up . I 'd do Tylenol and a cool bath . Or Tylenol and a damp washcloth . Remind him not to bundle up in his blanket . All he did was lay around . I felt so helpless . Wednesday he woke and exclaimed , " Me feel gwate ! " Awesome , kid . Why are you still running a fever ? By Thursday morning , I had had it with Elijah 's fever . Got an appointment for him and off we went to the doctor . Lucky little guy had an ear infection , flu and strep . Gross . I felt bad for not taking him sooner , but he said he felt great . Oh well . Luckily , the doctor took mercy on me and when I mentioned that I 'd be seeing her next week for a brother , she wrote prescriptions for Tamiflu for both of them ! Awesome and thank you ! But wait ! There 's more ! When Ethan got home Thursday he told me his throat was hurting . Say what ? Kid , you have got to be kidding me ? I brushed it off until Friday morning when he woke up crying that it hurt so bad that I told him to go back to bed rather than go to school . I made him an appointment and he tested positive for strep too . Joy . Needless to say , we 've been on quarantine for a week now . And I 'm going a little crazy . I keep wondering when the other shoe is going to drop and either Ezra or myself will be sick , but so far it hasn 't happened . I am married to my firefighting , truck - driving , Gospel preaching sweetheart , Ronnie . I am a full time mother to my three wonderful boys , Ethan , Elijah and Ezra , and my beautiful girl , Melia . I am saved by the blood of Jesus . I used to work as a high school Spanish teacher . I enjoy spending time with my guys , baking , taking pictures and blogging . 1 / 12 / 09 : 200 lbs . Postponing this journey , but reminding myself that I got down to 183 before Elijah . : ) I 'll just start over again after August ! |
Last weekend was the Chicago Air and Water show . Like usual , they do their show on North Beach but fly north and south to turn around . And they turn around right over our house . We 've really enjoyed it these past fiew years , and this year we were afraid there wasn 't going to be a show . It poured on saturday , right in the middle of the show . We stared at the water coming down in sheets , chanting ' rain , rain , go away , come again another day . ' I made a birthday cake over the weekend for a good friends ' son . It 's kind of become tradition , since I 've been doing this for the past four years . : ) Anyway , this year he wanted something with the Chicago Cubs on it , so this is what I came up with . He loved it , which is what 's important . : ) Though Youngest took one look at it and said " That doesn 't look like a real baseball . " * sigh * He 's already a critic . . . Back in April , I joined a dojo in my neighborhood . I 've always wanted to learn a martial art , ever since I was a kid . But it never worked out , and as I got older it was easy to shrug it off . Then I had to have knee surgery . That scared the crap out of me , mostly because my body has never given out on me before and there 's still lots I want to do . I realized that if I never tried to learn a martial art , I would seriously regret it . So , I signed up to learn karate as soon as my doctor and physical therapist gave me the go - ahead . This was back in April . A few weeks ago , my teachers asked me to test for my blue belt ! I was so excited , and I felt ready , so I agreed . And I passed ! Here are some pictures . My kids got their blue belts in karate last Saturday ! They are so happy . Their test was quite the challenge , but not because of the material - - all the kids knew their stuff . If they didn 't , then they wouldn 't have been invited to test . The challenge was that there were so many kids there ! I 'm guessing around fifty , all between the ages of five and eight . There were four different ranks , and the groups of kids got smaller as the ranks got higher . The two largest groups were the two lowest ranks , which is where my kids were . The teachers did a great job of managing all of them , but , really , it was like herding cats . They had a mind to go in all different directions , and keeping them on the same track took a lot of effort . If I 'd been running this event , I 'd have needed a nap immediately afterward . : ) Out of the twenty or so in my kids ' group , I 'm guessing there 's only two who 've truly been bitten by the karate bug . They 're the ones who will continue on to the higher ranked belts . They 're always so focused on the teachers , doing exactly what they 've been told , and trying as hard as they absolutely can to get their technique right . There isn 't an ounce of laziness or tiredness in their training . Oldest is one of those kids , and a six - year - old girl is the other . Youngest tries hard , listens , and trains to the best of his ability , but he doesn 't have the focus that Oldest and this other girl have . I wouldn 't be surprised if he lost interest down the road . Then again , he 's surprised me with much bigger things , so maybe this will be another one . : ) Oldest still believes in the Easter Bunny . And the Tooth Fairy . And Santa . When he was younger , he used to believe that everything he read in books was real , too : fairies , leprechans , dragons , talking and thinking robots , talking trains , etc . Which , of course , is perfectly natural . He doesn 't believe everything in books anymore because I 've explained that they 're just stories . Someone made all those things up and then wrote them down - - like I do . He knows I 'm a writer and that I make up stories , so he made the connection pretty quickly . But then there 's these other characters that are in every day life , like Santa , the Easter Bunny , and the Tooth Fairy . He fervently believes in those , draws pictures for them and writes letters and everything . And I 've been contributing to this belief . Of course I have . It 's what parents do , because it 's fun to have gifts appear from some magical source , and I have fun getting creative about it every year . But he 's almost eight years old now . I know that at least one of his friends figured out the Tooth Fairy , but I 'm not sure about Santa or the Easter Bunny . I can 't remember how old I was when I found out my mom was behind it all , and I have no clue how it was all revealed . So I can 't use this as a gauge for my own kids . I 'm a tiny bit worried that my profession as a story teller is working a little too well in perpetuating the belief in these fictional characters , and I have no idea what to do about it . How old were you when you found out about Santa et al ? How old were your kids ? Am I being silly to worry about this ? : ) 1 . I love changing seasons , so much that I can 't really pick a favorite . The current season is always my favorite , and by the time the next one rolls around , I 'm ready for it . Like now - - I 'm SO ready for spring , but it seems to be avoiding Chicago right now . : ( 2 . I 've never been to Canada . Or Mexico . But I 've been to ten other countries around the world , some of them third world ( I know , it makes no sense ) . 4 . I can 't stand running . Seriously . I hate it . And yet I love playing soccer with my kids , which is all running . Go figure . : ) 5 . I love pedicures . 6 . I 'm anxiously awaiting the day that my kids can throw and catch a baseball so that we can go outside and play catch . I 'm hoping Oldest will be willing to try it out this summer . . . 7 . I have wanted to learn a martial art since I was a teenager , and I finally joined a karate dojo last month . Took me long enough . . . But , hey , better late than never . : ) On monday night , my kids school put on a Teacher Appreciation Dinner . They do this every year , and the dinner is prepared and served by parents . I always decorate two cakes ( different flavors ) , but this year I did something different . I made one huge cake - - three 8 " round layers , combined with a sheet cake cut into thirds . I alternated layers of chocolate and spice cake . Then I assembled it all and decorated it to look like a basket of grapes . I 'm pretty happy with how it turned out . I didn 't account for the hugeness of the cake , and it was a little unstable when I went to move it ( I 've never made anything this big before ) . Plus , I used real grapes instead of making fondant grapes , and the juice mixed with the frosting a little too much , causing it to ooze a bit . But it held up , and I got it to the dinner in one piece . : ) Yesterday , we woke up to a half inch of snow on the ground . Yeah , not exactly spring weather . . . It didn 't help that I wasn 't feeling all that great , because I kept waking up cold the night before . So , I went downstairs to get breakfast for the kids , and Youngest ran to the window . Yesterday , Youngest had a friend over to play after school . These two are best buds , and they play really well together . They get really energized and run around all over the place , but hey , they 're boys . It 's what they do . Over the years , we 've made certain rules in the house because Youngest isn 't the most coordinated child , and he sometimes gets hurt while trying to do something that 's completely beyond his ability . So , we have your basic safety rules . Don 't run on the stairs . Don 't play in the kitchen . Don 't jump off the top bunk bed . Don 't play with Mommy 's free weights . Etc . We 've spent quite a bit of time drilling these rules into Youngest 's head so he knows not to do these things . Oldest doesn 't have the same problem since he was born with good coordination , as does the boy who came over . The boy didn 't go so far as jumping off the top bunk , but he 's definitely coordinated enough to do other things . Youngest was having a great time , but as they were playing I kept hearing his little voice reminding the other boy of the rules . They 'd be in the middle of something , and then Youngest would yell " No running on the stairs ! " or " No playing with the weights ! " or something . He 'd never stop playing , he 'd just yell out the rule . The other boy would listen and then move on to something else , so it was kind of like a dance . They 'd play and play until Youngest steered them in a different direction by citing a rule , then they 'd play and play again until another rule came up . It was so funny . And I was proud of him for remembering these rules even though he was so involved in playing with his friend . Yesterday , Mayor Daley came to my kids ' school for a visit . This is a big deal , of course , and just before he left the whole school came outside to get a picture with him . I hoped to get a picture , but my phone chose that moment to freeze up . I had to pull out the battery and everything . By the time it was all fine and working , Mayor Daley had left . Oh well . . . Me : Yes , but it 's just a small part of the country . Youngest leaned back in his chair and looked pensive for the next several minutes , like he was trying to work it all out . Poor kid , I think he thought he had met the president and I went and ruined it for him ! : ) Both the boys started karate last month , and it was quite the convoluted beginning . When I asked them if they wanted to try karate , Youngest said no . But then he heard Oldest say yes , and he changed his mind . " Mommy , I 'll just try it . Okay ? I 'll try . " I said okay , and signed them both up for a trial class . That way , if one or both of them didn 't like it , we could walk away and not worry about losing any money . Well , when the trial day came , we walked into the dojo and Youngest started pulling on my arm and wailing . " Mommy , I don 't want to do karate ! I don 't wanna ! " I told him he didn 't have to , but for some reason he didn 't hear me and kept wailing over and over again that he didn 't want to do this . I finally had to take him to a corner , get down on my knees , and put my face a few inches from his . Me : Hey , sweetie , look at me ! No one is going to make you do karate . If you want to do it , you can . But you don 't have to . Okay ? We went to the classroom , and I fully expected Youngest to be sitting next to me the whole time . But then the teacher led the kids in a few laps around the room to warm up , and the next thing I knew Youngest was running right there with him . He passed by me , smiling and waving , and kept going . When the teacher lined up the kids to start training , he lined up , too , and went through all the kicks , punches , and blocks just like everyone else . When class was over , he ran up to me practically yelling " Karate is the best thing in the whole world ! Can we do it again right now ? " I just stared at him . I mean , seriously ? ? We went through that whole tantrum , in public , for this ? Earlier this year , they discovered karate . There is an amazing dojo in our neighborhood that also has a kids ' program . Well , a friend of mine goes there , and we watched her test for her brown belt in January . She 'd gone through some major physical difficulties the year before , so my heart swelled with pride watching her complete her test and recieve her brown belt . I still get all warm and gooey inside just thinking about it - - watching her was truely inspiring . I took the kids with me to watch her test , mostly because I didn 't have a sitter , and wild horses weren 't going to keep me from supporting my friend . : ) As it turned out , though , they were interested . Youngest was watching the white belts and trying to mimic their arm movements , and Oldest was studying everyone with an amazing intensity . One of the teachers from the kids ' program noticed their interest and came over to say hello . She invited us to come and watch the kids ' class to see if it 's something they wanted to do for themselves . So , the following week , that 's what we did . After the kids ' class was over , I asked the boys if this was something they wanted to try . Oldest said yes , but that he wasn 't going to because he 'd have to start as a white belt . He wanted to be a black belt . I bit back a laugh , and told him that everyone has to start as a white belt . Karate is something I 've always wanted to try , ever since I was a kid , but I never had the money or the opportunity . Then my knee gave out . My body has never given out on me before , so this has been difficult to deal with . I don 't like it , at all . But as I watched my friend get her brown belt , a new feeling came over me . What she went through makes my torn meniscus look like a scratch , and look at where she is now ! It made me realize that if I never got the chance to study a martial art in my lifetime , I would truly regret it . So , I told Oldest that I was going to sign up for karate , and that I 'd have to start as a white belt . His eyes widened at that . " You 're going to be a white belt ? " he said . I nodded . " If this is something you think you want to try , then we can be white belts together as soon as my knee is all better . But , even if you decide not to , I 'm going to do this . " He thought for a moment , then decided he wanted to try . But he didn 't need to wait around for my knee to get better . : ) That was last month . Last Tuesday when I got home from physical therapy , the first thing Oldest asked me was how physical therapy had gone . I said it went well , and he got all excited . " Does that mean you get to do karate with me ? " I laughed and said it would still be a while before I could do karate . " Oh , " he said . " Well , can you do a front snap kick ? Like this ? " He demonstrated , and it was so cute that I couldn 't tell him no . I did one to the best of my ability ( i . e . not very well ) then he took me through all the kicks , punches , and blocks that he knows . When he was done , and could see exactly how much I couldn 't do yet , he told me I should keep doing physical therapy and that he hoped I could start karate soon . I hugged him . What a little sweetheart ! So , two weeks ago , I went in for arthroscopic surgery on my knee . I 'm happy to report that I 'm recovering extremely well . I have my full flexibility back , and now I 'm working on regaining my strength . I start physical therapy today , too , so I 'll get a set of exercises that I 'm sure I 'll have to do every day . I saw my doctor last week so she could check up on how I 'm healing and write me a prescription for physical therapy . She 's happy with how quickly I was up and on my feet , and with how few pain pills I needed to take ( one . seriously , that 's it ) . She also had color photos from the surgery , so I got to see the actual tear in my meniscus . It was bad ! ! The torn tissue had flipped under itself , forming a hard ball . She said it was kind of amazing that I 'd been walking around for so long on that , because it would feel like I had a little rock stuck inside my knee . And , yeah , that 's kind of how it felt . : ) So I 'm very glad I went ahead and got the surgery before that tissue had a chance to mess up my cartilage . I 'm planning to take it slow and not push myself too hard ( which isn 't easy for me ; I tend to push myself beyond my limits ) , while trying to maintain a steady improvement . It 's nice to be able to sit on the floor with my kids again , and now that it 's starting to warm up I 'm hoping to be able to play soccer with them once the grass comes up . Posted by Look ! It 's another gorgeous award ! This one came from the lovely Kelly Hashway . She 's got great stuff on her blog , so if you haven 't checked it out , you should . 15 blogs ! ! ? ? ! ? ! Well , I don 't get out much in the cyberworld since I have limited computer time , but I 'll do my best . Disclaimer : some of these blogs I have rediscovered after not having the time to visit regularly over the past several months . And it was just as enjoyable as the first time I found them . : ) Isn 't this award gorgeous ! Sheri from Writer 's Alley gave this to me last week , and it 's my first award for this blog . Thank you , Sheri ! ! Drivers who cannot stop at a stop sign , or can 't wait their turn . Maybe it 's my mom - gene kicking in here , but come on ! Wait your turn already . It 's really not that hard . Drivers who use right - hand - turn lanes / parking lanes / teeny tiny spaces between lanes to try to cut in front of a line of traffic , and then get mad at me for not letting them in . Seriously ? ? ? Blonde jokes , especially when the teller of the joke can see the color of my hair . And that person is saying blondes are dumb ? ? ? The FDA 's claim that the rBGH growth hormone is safe and has no side effects . Ummm . . . based on personal experience , I beg to differ . Thanks to these morons , I can 't eat anything unless I pay a small fortune for organic everything . And eating out is a nightmare , because hardly anything is organic . I miss my cheeseburgers . . . : ( Oldest and DH leave their socks all over the house . I 'm thinking of recording myself saying " can you PLEASE pick up your socks ? " because I swear they don 't hear me . Maybe if I play it back on constant repeat , it 'll eventually sink in . So , remember last December when my knee gave out ? While I was in another country ? Well , after multiple visits to the doctor 's office , an x - ray , and an MRI , it turns out that physical therapy isn 't going to cut it . There is a layer of soft tissue between the cartilage , called meniscus , and mine is torn . According to my doctor , I have two choices : I can get surgery to fix it , or I can leave it as - is . If I get surgery , I will be laid up for two weeks , unable to drive and in some pretty good pain for a while . I 'll also be in physical therapy for two months . The surgery itself is arthoscopic so I won 't go under a knife , but I will still be severely limited . If I don 't get surgery , I can still get around fine . And that 's pretty much all I 'll be able to do . I will have to be careful not to bend my knee too far , and , if I do , then the pain can be managed with ibuprofin and possible cortizone shots to reduce swelling . But the pain won 't be over the top and I 'd be able to function okay . So , my choice is basically this : do I go through a lot of pain for a short amount of time , or do I live with a constant , dull pain for the rest of my life ? Well , for me , the choice was obvious from the start . I 'm an involved mom . I like to play with my kids , whether it 's sitting on the floor putting legos together , playing board games , cards , putting puzzles together , etc . Or , playing soccer or baseball in the yard , building a snowman , going sledding , giving my kids piggy - back rides , etc . That doesn 't even include the things I want to do for me , like hiking , camping , climbing , and who knows what else . If I chose to do nothing and manage the pain for the rest of my life , then I would be putting a thin layer of hesitation between me and the rest of the world . Between me and my kids . And that 's something I can 't do . So , next monday I go in for surgery . Hopefully it will go well , and I 'll be back to my normal life in no time . Oldest has been losing teeth like crazy for the past year . He didn 't lose any for the longest time , and was upset that he was the only kid in class with all his baby teeth . Then they started falling out all at once and he happily showed everyone his jack - o - lantern smile , especially the photographer taking school photos . : ) Last week , he lost another tooth . We put it a pouch under his pillow , and the tooth fairy came and left him a dollar . When he woke up the next morning , he excitedly opened it up . So , last week we had a pretty historic blizza d . Over twenty inches of snow and wind gusts of up to seventy miles per ho r . Pretty scary at time ! ! An hour of sn It started late tuesday afternoon , right before pickup time at the kids ' school . I got there really early because the roads were already bad and the wind was ridiculous , and I was contemplating pulling Oldest out early . Well , the second I got out of the car , the wind nearly knocked me over . That was enough to convince me that it was time to go home , like NOW . Youngest is in school half - day , so I 'd already picked him up at lunchtime . So this poor kid was trying to walk down the sidewalk with seriously strong wind gusts blowing at his back . I had to hold on to him pretty tight to keep him from being blown over . I got Oldest , and when we got back outside to walk to the car , the wind had picked up . Or maybe it just seemed that way because we had to walk into the wind . The kids couldn 't see anything because there was so much snow being blown into their faces , so I told them to hang on to me and each other , and then walk behind me . I felt like a mama duck leading her ducklings down the sidewalk . : ) We made it to the car okay , but the wind was so strong it was hard to keep the car doors open so the kids could get inside . The next morning . We went home and stayed home after that , watching the snow come down and listening to the wind blow . It was crazy . I haven 't seen snow like this since I was a kid , and it still wasn 't this bad . The kids thought it was great , of course , now that they weren 't out in the gusting wind anymore . : ) 3 ft drift by our front steps . The wind blew all night , and we could hear debris hitting the windows at times . Either that or it was icy snow . Not sure which . The next morning , we had about a foot and a half of snow on the ground . Snow had drifted against the back door about two feet high , and it was interesting trying to get out there to clear off the back steps . It wasn 't too cold , so we let the kids go out to play for a bit while DH shoveled . I couldn 't help because of my knee , which I was actually bummed about . I love snow , even shoveling it . I 'm sure Oldest gets that from me , because the kid can 't wait to get out and shovel even if there 's only an inch of snow on the ground . So , after the first round of shoveling was done , the heavens opened and we got another six inches of snow in two hours . So , DH and the kids went back out to shovel when that was done . Also , while we 'd been inside sipping hot cocoa , a plow had gone through our alley . Which sounds kind of nice , right ? Well , instead of angling his plow so the snow went to the side without garage doors , he just went straight through and dumped snow in front of our garage , and all our neighbors ' . DH spent two hours digging that out , even with the neighbors helping and hiring someone to come by with an industrial strength snow blower . Poor guy was about to collapse when he came back in . The streets were pretty much impassable , which at least one car discover d . The drifts were about three feet tall on the street in front of our house , even before the second round of sn w . One car decided he could make it through if he just went fast enough . . Yeah , you can probably guess what happen d . He got himself stuck , but go d ! He 'd forced his way into the snow so fast that he had snow packed underneath his c r . He spent thirty minutes digging that out , then some helpful neighbors went out and helped him push his car back out of the dri t . There was no where for him to go , so he dug himself out a parking spot and parked his c r . It stayed there for the rest of the week . : ) I guess he learned his less School was closed both wednesday and thursday , so I didn 't bother trying to get the car o t . Friday morning , though , I had to take the kids to scho l . And , even with all the shoveling DH did , I still got stuck pulling out of my gara e . We even have a four - wheel - drive vehic e ! And I grew up driving in snow , so this is really saying somethi g . There just wasn 't room to maneuver , and I had to shovel some more and do a three - point turn just to get o t . Same thing when I had to turn onto the street from our all y . There is so much snow piled up on the corners that you can 't see around them , and there isn 't really clearance to get around without going back and forth a few tim s . Cra While we were in India , we didn 't encounter Indian - style toilets for the most part . Everywhere we went , there was a nice , western - style toilet bowl with a clean seat to sit on . There wasn 't always toilet paper , but I always think ahead so it wasn 't an issue . My boys have never seen the Indian - style toilet , which is basically a hole in the ground with two footholds on either side ( you stand on the footholds and squat - - it 's like peeing outdoors , except you 're indoors ) . Sometimes they 're clean , and sometimes they 're . . . well . . . not . Anyway , when we went to the theme park type place that had displays of various cultures across India , Youngest had to go to the bathroom . There were public restrooms there , but this place isn 't there to cater to foriegn tourists , so you can probably guess what style bathrooms they had . : ) I took Youngest to the bathroom and opened a stall . A porcelain hole was in the floor , with two porcelain footholds on either side , and a handle sticking out of the pipes so you can flush when you 're done . It was very clean , and the lack of toilet paper wasn 't an issue for Youngest because he just had to pee . But he 'd never seen a toilet like this before , and just stood there staring at it . Me : That 's the potty . It 's how a lot of them are in India . Him : ( cocking his head to the side ) How do you use it ? It was all I could do not to burst out laughing ! I told him I 'd do just fine , and that he should go potty . Which he did . : ) Last December , my family and I went on a fabulous vacation . All my in - laws live in India , and it had been quite some time since we 'd last been there . So , we scheduled a trip over Christmas break and decided to stop over in London for a few days on the way . Oldest has been to London twice , but he was only a year old ( both times ) . DH was traveling there for work , so Oldest and I tagged along a couple times to see the sites and visit with friends . Oldest doesn 't remember any of it , though ( since he was , you know , a year and a half ) . This time , though , he 'll remember it . In fact , he knew exactly what he wanted to see . Once again , the Magic Treehouse series has given him the desire to travel and see various parts of the world . Book # 25 , Stage Fright On A Summer Night , is where Jack and Annie meet William Shakespeare and act in one of his plays ( A Midsummer Night 's Dream , I think ) . Before we 'd even started packing , he asked if we could see the Globe Theater . So we did . : ) Our kids were the only kids in the tour , but Oldest was just as fascinated and paid as close attention as all the adults . Then he turned to DH and asked a question . Oldest : ( shocked and horrified ) He died ? DH : I 'm afraid so . Hundreds of years ago , actually . Oldest : ( looking like he 's going to burst into tears ) But I wanted to meet him . Me : I 'm sorry , sweetie . He lived a long time ago . But , you know what ? There 's a Shakespeare Theater in Chicago . It 's not The Globe , but we can go see one of his plays there . Would you like that ? Oldest : Yeah . ( perking up slightly ) Can we see the same play that Jack and Annie were in ? Me : I 'll do my best . He was much happier after that and was able to absorb all the details of the theater . He thought it was pretty cool that there was no roof , and that the huge space in front of the stage was a place for people to stand and watch the play . Both boys wanted to see the ravens at the Tower , plus the Tower bridge ( they kept calling it London bridge , and it took a while to set that straight ) . We also went for a ride in the London Eye ferris wheel , which I 'd never done before . It was pretty cool , and had great views of the city . It was cold , but we had a great time . The only damper was the night before we were supposed to leave for India . . . I was packing up our suitcases , walking from one side of our hotel room to the other , and my knee gave out on me . One second I was standing , and the next I wasn 't . And , wow , it hurt . It felt like my knee had slipped out of the socket . I was able to limp around the room and finish packing ( I was almost done anyway ) , but , the next morning , I couldn 't put any weight on it . At all . The hotel was great and brought me an elasticized sort of bandage , which helped a lot , and then they found us a pharmacy that was on the way to the airport . DH got me a knee brace , more bandages , ice packs , and ibuprofin . When we got to the airport , the wonderful lady at the check - in counter took one look at me and set up wheelchair services to get me to the gate , as well as for after we landed . I am incredibly grateful for that , because our plane wasn 't at a vestibule . We took a bus to the plane and everyone walked up about two flights of stairs to get inside it . There was no way I was making it up so many steps . Fortuntely , I didn 't have to . They put me ( and about five other people in their seventies ) on an enclosed lift and raised us up to the plane . I did have to walk back to my seat , which was painful and difficult , and a saint of a flight attendant helped me the whole way . The flight to India from London is about ten hours , and , fortunately , my knee started feeling better . By the time we landed , I could limp along okay without hurting myself . But I was incredibly slow , and I couldn 't carry or pull any suitcases , so , again , I was grateful for the wheelchair . We had a connecting domestic flight , and by the time that plane landed , I was hobbling along at a pretty quick pace . I 'd even figured out how to do stairs - - again , I was slow , but I could do it . Which is a good thing because my in - laws ' house is a two - story walk up . : ) After about a week , I was walking normally . Still slow , but normal . And , by the end of the trip , I was getting along fine . It still ached , but I didn 't need the wheelchair on the way home and I was able to pull along a suitcase . I went to the doctor last week ( it was the soonest she could get me in ) and it looks like my problem can be fixed with physical therapy , followed by regular exercises . So , that 'll start soon ( the sooner , the better , because this cold weather is making it ache like a ! @ # $ ! ) . Anyway , even with my knee injury , we had a great time in India . We visited family , and I got to hold a baby - - which is kind of a miracle . My in - laws live in a town that doesn 't have many tourists , so I 'm something of an attraction because I 'm blonde and pale . Everyone stares , and at least one guy yelled " Hey ! White girl " as I went by . The kids usually stare at me like I 'm from another planet ( which , to them , I kind of am ) , and a two - year - old girl actually rubbed her hand on my arm and then looked at her fingers . I guess she wanted to see if my skin color rubbed off . : ) Anyway , the kids don 't usually let me hold them , so I was thrilled when this baby decided I was okay . : ) We also went to a theme park type place that displays the various cultures and ways of life across the different states in India . It was really cool to see , and the kids enjoyed it . There was also a woman doing mehendi , which is a henna paste that she draws on your skin . After it dries , it leaves a temporary tattoo that 'll stay on for at least a week , possibly more . My niece and I both got our hands done . Our trip home was uneventful , and we were lucky enough to avoid the crazy weather that diverted planes and closed down airports , including London . The boys had a great time , and Oldest told me he wants to learn his dad 's native language so he can understand what everyone is saying . I told him I 'd learn it with him , which made him even more excited . So I 'm looking into finding a teacher here in Chicago . Maybe by our next trip we 'll all be able to commuPosted by Last weekend , I participated in a writing retreat . That is , I checked into a retreat center and wrote all day long for two whole days . It was , in a word , amazing . Normally , I only get a couple hours of writing time per day because Youngest is in school half - day . He comes home before lunch , and then I drive him all over the city for things like baseball , gynmastics , soccer , etc . It 's not really possible to get anything done once he gets home . So , to be able to sit and write with no possibility for interruptions was just heavenly . I wrote almost thirty pages in two days , worked through a really difficult transition in my story 's plot , and figured out the rest of my outline . Even though I worked my butt off and my brain was exhausted at the end of each day , I left that weekend feeling so refreshed and relaxed . It felt SO GOOD to write . Guess I 'm a writer through and through . : ) Hope everyone had a wonderful and safe holiday ! ! We were in London and India for much of December , and also went to Florida over Thanksgiving . Too much traveling over too short a time span ! Live and learn , I guess . : ) We 're pretty used to traveling , though , and we take our kids with us . In fact , I 've been to India four times now ( all my in - laws are there ) , Oldest has been there three times , and Youngest has been there twice . It takes two days to get to India , so we 're all accustomed to long plane rides . In fact , Youngest asked a hilarious question just before Thanksgiving . . . Me : ( stifling laughter ) It 's only 2 and a half hours . Youngest : ( aghast ) Two and a half days ? That 's really long ! I earned my green belt last week ! It was a long test , three hours with only a few seconds here and there for water . So it was pretty much n . . . |
I posted a meme recently that seemed to ruffle some feathers . It is interesting how one person can see something as beautiful and yet another sees it as sad . There is nothing wrong with different perspectives . Everyone is entitled to their own . And depending on life experiences , age and time frames , the perspectives can vary to a large degree . I am attaching the meme I speak of . When I posted it , I didn 't add a message as to my point of view . I honestly didn 't think it was necessary . That was rather presumptuous of me and wrong . I am not sure of the other opinions involved . It seems that some think of the meme as sad . Perhaps they view it as a man offering a woman everything and her saying no thank , because she already has everything that he offers . I 'm not really sure . But when I read this meme , it spoke to my heart . It was one of the most beautiful things I had seen in a while . To me , it was a man offering a woman his world . He was offering her everything he had . She lovingly let him know he didn 't need to do that . She already had those things , plus some things that were different than his world . She took a weight off his shoulders and let him know she doesn 't mind visiting his world , but she needed to live in her own . That also meant she didn 't expect him to live in her world , but just to visit it and continue living in his own . I have always enmeshed myself into the world of whatever man offered me his own . I would adapt and learn to fit into whatever world that might be . In the end , I would lose myself and become sad . And more often than not , the one who offered me his world would suddenly feel I owed him for what he gave me . He would see it as a lack of respect if I complained of missing my own . It would become leverage in heated situations . So when I saw this meme , I saw a situation where it was acceptable for her to say that she had her own world . I saw a mutual respect and a situation where he could sigh a breath of relief . He offered her everything he had , but saw that he didn 't need to do that . All he needed to do was to be himself . Be willing to visit her world from time to time and enjoy her presence in his world from time to time . They could be together in a new place that they created . Something different than his world and her world . Something they built as a team , as a couple , and as friends . I have always loved my birthday . I don 't have any family members that share my special day . It just meant so much to me that people were excited about the day I entered this world . But now it is a very different reason . You see , on December 22nd , 2015 , I attempted suicide by swallowing a bunch of pills . The police came and took me to a psych ward for observation . After spending a bit of time there , I sought help with a therapist . And now I no longer have those dark thoughts . I have hopeful thoughts . Positive thoughts . And I am eternally grateful that I failed to end my life when I tried . Grateful that I am here . Grateful for every single birthday I am blessed with , purely because I love being alive . It 's why I take pictures of everything that I find fascinating or funny or beautiful and share them on social media . I want to share my appreciation for life with the world . I love listening to the train as it passes by in the night . I love beautiful cloudy days and gorgeous sunny ones . I love the smell of the rain and the sound it makes outside the window or on my umbrella . I love the feel of the warm rain on my skin . I love witty people that laugh at their own jokes even harder than the rest of us . I love to hear people laugh . I love the sound of dozens of voices talking when I enter a crowded place , especially places where there are family functions going on . I love hugs . I love kindness . I love the roar of the ocean waves meeting the rocks and sand . I love sunsets and sunrises . I love that first sip of coffee with my favorite creamer , in the morning . I love the comfort of my bed at the end of a long day . I love to dance to music , in the kitchen , when preparing food or doing dishes . I love the hum of the fan when I fall asleep in the dark . I love my fuzzy Star Wars pajama pants and oversized Harley Davidson sweatshirt . I love going barefoot . I love having hope that things will turn out okay . I love having faith that God is in control . I love when I see his signs so clearly leaving no room for doubt . I love peace . I love solitude . I love going to the movies and out for dinner . I love doing things on my own , feeling independent . I also love having help from people who never make me feel indebted to them . I love helping others . I love doing speaking engagements . I love impacting others lives in a positive way . I love the castle ruins in Ireland , the sunsets at Santa Monica beach , the history in Delaware , the skies over Texas and all the people I have been blessed to meet in - between . And I love writing . Telling the stories I watch in my mind as movies . I love sharing those stories with others . The love of my family and friends . The ones who have been here for me in the darkest of times . I love cuddles from my liI am here . I am alive . I have learned to love myself . I have purpose . And I am loved . This is why my birthday is so very important to me . Yes , every day is important to me , but I wasn 't born every day . I was born March 15th . That is my day to celebrate me and the life I have been blessed with . Oh , where to begin . Starting over is never easy . The last time I started over it was exciting . I had a plan . Well , sort of had a plan . More like , I had a man . I have always had a man there to take care of me in some way . I lived on my own when I was a teenager . I moved in with my best friend three weeks after graduating high school . She and I had been besties for 6 years . It was exciting and new , but within a year I had struck out on my own . I lived in a small condo that was on the border of foreclosure . I rented from a nice man and his wife for a year . I didn 't make much money and nearly starved to death . My average weight is 125 . I met a nice man at work . He was 15 years my senior . My weight was down to 104 pounds . He fed me and I married him . I knew from the start that we married for the wrong reasons . I moved into his home , when to his church , learned to like many of the things that he liked . I conformed to his way of life . By the end of the relationship I found myself going from being a sheltered housewife to a bounty hunter , then a makeup artist at a department store . Two children and nearly twenty years later we divorced . I ended up in another long term relationship . I moved from Texas to Delaware to be with him . I ended up on welfare until the state offered me a career opportunity . I did the schooling and became a Certified Nurses Assistant . I worked in home health and took care of mostly elderly patients . Many of them over 90 . After a few years they would pass on and I would be devastated . I stayed in that relationship for 5 years . He was a quadriplegic . That was why I chose to become a CNA . I conformed to his way of life . It ended and I wanted to move to Maine . My dream was to live in a little house by a lighthouse and write . Maybe work as a barmaid . But my kids were grown and renting a house in Texas . My daughter and her husband , my son and his then fiance ' ( now wife ) . They had an extra bedroom and asked me to live with them while I got on my feet . So I did . Maine could wait for a while . I missed mWe would do the long distance thing for a year and then I moved to California to be with him . I moved into his apartment , learned the ropes of travel , learned the art of public speaking . I conformed to his way of life . Are you seeing a pattern here ? This relationship ended , too . I am still broken over this one . I am still in love with him and he is still in love with me , but we both know we did the right thing . Personal reasons that I will not go into . So here I am . But this time , my mind is different . I was in cognitive behavior therapy for the last year . The state of California offered to help me after my suicide attempt . They offered me free therapy if I was willing to become a case study . I agreed . It made a huge difference in me . I am starting the workbook over . The last time I worked through it , I did it all from the perspective of one trying to save a relationship . Now I am doing it from the correct perspective . I am doing it so I can heal . So I can be stronger , more in touch with that little voice that tells me when something is wrong . I can look back on my life and see that in almost every heartbreaking or devastating situation I found myself in , I heard that little voice first . I would argue with it and try to reason away my concerns . I don 't do that anymore . I listen now . I seek out that little voice now through prayer . This is not a get out of jail free card for the ones who have chosen to hurt me . It is simply me taking responsibility for my own poor decisions . I admit , I am scared . I haven 't been ' on my own ' since I was nineteen years old . And really , this is the first time I have been 100 % single since I was a teen . Not someone hurting over a recently ended relationship and falling into new one immediately . I am not open to being taken advantage of due to my vulnerability . I am vulnerable , my emotions are raw , my mind still goes in and out of feeling independent to feeling like a scared little mouse in a the middle of a herd of elephants and looking for a safe place . Then I remember , I have one of the strongest support systems one could ask for . I have a hundred arms ready to give me a much needed hug . I am at a place in my life that I have never experienced before . And I am eternally grateful for the friendships that have stayed intact since my last break up . He introduced me to a world of people that welcome the hurting , the lonely and the scared . They not only welcome you , but once they take you in , they never let you go . I have blessings that have remained from all the difficult situations that I have somehow put myself in . Something good has always come from any of the bad in my life . And I am so very grateful . So here I am . I have gone from a life of luxury and travel to one of very low pay , lots of hard work cashiering and time to focus on me and heal . I paid all my bills this month and had money for food . My son and his wife have taken me in until I can get on my feet . I wake up to people who love me and encourage me every single day . I get hugs and I love you 's . I have a place to work , with people I consider friends . I feel loved every where I go . I have an online community who supports me . And most of all , I have me . I am learning to love me and believe in me . I am taking it one day at a time . Some days I fail , some days I cry and some days I smile . And other days , like today , I do it all . The excitement this week has been sporadic . The kids are busy with school and work , so they are in and out quite a bit . And now we add Christmas into the mix , so busy , busy , busy . Emotions running high and low this time of year . I have gotten to have some wonderful conversations with each of them . I heard about school projects ( even asking my input . That always feels good ) , about upcoming dance recitals ( she is a trooper , even with all the pain , she still opted for a dance class ) , incredible new book ideas ( the new one the son in law has cooked up will be a best seller one day ) , input on books in the works ( the sons fiance is a very talented writer in her own right ) . The kids are amazing adults and I am so honored to be living here with them . Okay , so for excitement this week … First , I decided to walk to the library this week and put in an application for volunteering , in hopes of a job later . So I walked the 1 . 5 miles there . It was an interesting walk . I saw horses in pastures , beautiful homes with lovely holiday decorations , and a truck passed by with a trailer on the back . There was a horse in it that whinnied and me as it sped by . At the library , none of the people I needed to speak with were in that day . So , I opted to go look at books on the Cromwellian Conquest of Ireland . I needed some more information for my book . It turns out , those books are hard to find and had none of the information I needed . So , I headed back home . On the way home , I suddenly remembered I have fibromyalgia . It doesn 't flare up very often , so I tend to forget I even have it . But it sure flared up on the way home . The only way I can describe the pain I felt that day would be , someone placing flathead screwdrivers in between the ball of my hip and the socket and trying to pry them apart . I just kept placing one foot in front of the other until I made it home . I would later accompany my daughter to the store and make dinner while the girls got all the decorations out of the attic . They spent hours making our home beautifully festive . We even have snowman placemats on the table with snowman bowls and a wreath and snowman napkin holder with festive napkins inside . They even took the pot holders , hanging on the front of the oven off and replaced them with Christmas ones . I do find it disturbing though that Santa 's face is the cover for the lid of the toilet . Something all kinds of wrong with accidentally sitting if the lid is down . Seriously , sitting on Santa 's face … I suppose that would be one way to get something nice for Christmas … well or naughty … When I left the kitchen and headed to bed , I had to make my way through the kids as they sang that song from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas … Fah who for - aze ! Dah who dor - aze ! My son in laws head on my son 's shoulder , and the girls holding hands and daOne morning , I got up and my son 's fiance was in her living room with her laptop . I sat down and visited with her for a while . Then , my daughter came home from dance class and walked into the living room clad in her yoga pants and tshirt and announced to my son 's fiance … Another day , I walked down the hall to get some water in the kitchen . The girls were talking about sex shops . The fiance 's sister is getting married and the bachelorette party is this weekend , so I assume that is where this conversation started . But again , there are no boundaries or comfort zones in this house and I actually like it this way . They were talking about how uncomfortable some of the workers in sex shops can make you feel . My daughter was explaining how one worker came up to her and showed her a cock ring and said , " It goes on your lovers cock and it vibrates . " Then she changed her tone as if the memories of use were flooding her mind and in a lower , way too pleasurable tone she said , " I love this thing . It feels soooooooo goooooooood . " Both of the girls laughed so hard after my daughter finished telling the story and showing us how the lady spoke . Then the fiance was talking about the sex swing she saw in there and how the video was playing to show how to use it and she was a bit uncomfortable . I think it is interesting how there are no comfort zones in the house , but out in public , we are more reserved and definitely have our personal space . They also talked about seeing naked pics of Kate Moss . They said they were very tasteful and the ' important ' areas were covered . They talked about how beautiful she is and how women 's bodies are so much prettier than men 's , especially in photography ( my daughter is a photographer ) and in art ( the fiance , son in law draw . I do , too ) . But they said they got to the last pic and as they scrolled down , they were like , she is so pretty , but then , much to their surprise , there she was … no more tasteful hiding . And they both shrieked … . WHAT ? ! About that time , my son walked through the room and asked what on earth they were doing and looked at the screen on their laptop . They yelled , " Don 't look ! " and tried to cover the screen . He just shook his head and laughed at them . Goofy girls . Then later I was in my room and the boys wandered in . First , my son in law was talking to me . After a while , they were talking to each other and that conversation was so different than anything the girls talk about . I cannot even tell you what they were discussing but I did jot down some keywords to share on here . They are crazy intelligent young men and the words are as follows : fiber optics , satellites , japan , speed of light , gb and mb . time frames , and streaming . After a while they noticed I was typing , so I explained it was for the blog . I think sometimes they aren 't sure what to say when they can see I am baffled by their subject matter . At the same time , I have walked through one of the living rooms and seen something odd happening . They each were in their own living room with their own big screen TV 's and playing a game together . I looked at my son 's TV and saw a man in boxer shorts wearing a pig mask and carrying a gun , running through a city . I looked at him , like ' what on earth ? ' and he looked at me like … ' what ? ' … I just laughed and left them to their game . And sometimes they just shake their heads at me . My son in law is learning to speak Russian . He said something to me about a cigarette and motioned for the door . I said , " Oh , are you going to go do a cigarette ? " He smiled and asked , " How does one ' DO ' a cigarette ? " I thought for a minute and said , " Smoke it ? " He just laughed and left . Now when he goes out to smoke he announces that he is going to go ' do ' a cigarette . I just laugh . At the end of the week , we all had big plans . Thursday was the concert the fiance and son in law were to attend . She bought him tickets for Christmas , two months ago . An ice storm hit , though and they were afraid they would miss the show . They braved the storm and had an incredible experience . They both got to shake hands with Chester Bennington . She posted some pictures and they made it home in one piece . My daughter braved the storm because she wanted to go out to eat and stop by the store for some cookie dough . She picked up her friend and had a nice time . My son stayed home and worked on his school project . It was quite brilliant . How I produced such a smarty is beyond me . The storm worsened throughout the night and I awoke to clicking sounds coming from the attic . I went up to see what it was . Turns out the round spinny thingy on the roof is covered in ice and it is quite windy today , so it makes for a terrible sound . School was cancelled , my son stayed home from work , as did his fiance and my daughter . My son in law works walking distance from the house so he went on in and ended up covering for 2 other guys . But he should be home by 5 : 30pm . I was supposed to have dinner with my best friend tomorrow , but it looks like we may have to reschedule and my daughter 's dance recital is off now . And it looks like the bachelorette party may not happen for the fiance 's sister . So , changes of plans , but everyone is safe , happy and close enough for me to hug . Blogging is new for me . I have been doing it for a little while and I have watched it morph into this and that until now . I believe this is what my blog is meant to be . My daughter and I are trying something new and different . We are going to each blog about our week from each of our viewpoints . My viewpoint is that of a parent having to move in with their children and be quite dependent on them for a while . Her viewpoint will be from an adult child taking in their parent . I will post a link to her blog at the bottom of mine each week , so you all can go read what the way she sees things , too . She will start blogging next Friday . My life has changed dramatically in the last month . I don 't really want to talk about everything , just some things . I have given up my independence for a while . I had moved away from my children five years ago , from Texas to Delaware . After hardships , misunderstandings , hurtful situations and an aching for my children , I have moved back . The world I left is very different than the world I have reentered . I kept in constant contact with my children while I was away , with goodnight / I love you texts each evening and phone calls and plane tickets . But it was not the same as being able to hug them and see them . They are now 23 and 21 years old . My daughter has been married for five years , she got married just before I moved . My son is now engaged . I love their choices of mates and get along with them very well . The mates both write and draw , too . The four of them rent a three bedroom house together and have blessed me with the third bedroom . I have been here just over a week . It felt strange when I first moved in . I didn 't know where things were and felt a bit disoriented . But I quickly converted my room into an extension of me . My dog is already adjusted and has a new friend in my granddogter , Cy . It rather reminds me of the tv show New Girl . Especially when it comes to ' bubbles ' . I am an introvert and have my ' bubble ' around me . These kids do not have ' bubbles ' nor do they see a reason for anyone else to have them . I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and started to close the door . My son walked up and said , " What ? We can 't see you brush your teeth ? " Now my daughter has been known to come into the bathroom and take pictures of me brushing my teeth . But I wanted to fit in , so I left the door open . Next thing I knew , my son and son in law were both in the bathroom behind me , talking and cutting up and I almost lost my toothpaste trying not to laugh at them . That was very much a New Girl moment . Always something crazy and fun going on here . We are all artist and impulsive . I will have to post I do believe this is a positive environment for me . I just hope I can add to the wonderment that abounds so freely here . Changes are being made in my life right now . The ones that are too personal , will not be mentioned here . That still leaves many others to tell . So my week . It has been riddled with ups and downs , feelings of loss and despair to hope and laughter . Let 's start with my trek across the good ole US of A . I made it to the airport , heart broken , lost and unsure of what lay ahead . I had never even visited the home where I would soon reside . But I knew the people in it . Two of the four I birthed myself . My daughter , her husband , my son and his fiance ' . I love them all and get along with them all . At the airport , I needed to just stay focused on the trip itself . Try not to think of the life I was leaving , nor the one I was headed to . Just the trip itself . I had my little dog with me . He is ten pounds of nothing and sweet as can be . I got to the airport , worried that his canvas carrier would be too big to allow him on the flight . But it wasn 't . I got my tickets … yes tickets … plural . My dog needed a separate ticket . In fact , his ticket cost $ 26 . 00 more than mine and he didn 't even get his own seat ! So , we got our tickets and headed to security . Now , I had to take off my shoes , take my dog out of his carrier and put his collar in the bucket to run through x - ray . Did all that and thought it would be simple to just walk through the metal detector and retrieve my things . I honestly thought the most challenging part would be putting the dog BACK into the carrier . We walked through and they said they needed to check my hands for explosives . As I held my dog , they wiped my hands with a little strip of paper and put it into the machine . Lights , bells and whistles went off alerting them that I might be a bomber . I was promptly rushed to another area to be patted down . They taok my dog and put him back in his carrier and had me stand with my feet spread on some mat . Another person wiped down my purse and the carrier to check for more explosives and it came back clear . As they were doing this , my little dog was trying to run away , so he was rolling all over the place in his carrier as he loudly cried . Yes , my dog runs from danger . He will never protect me . I figured his logic is … " hey , someone 's gotta tell the story … " . So then they taook me to a private room with two people and said to me , " We have to pat you down . We will run a hand up the crack of your butt and under your breasts and up the insides of your legs . Please put your arms out of the way . " So I did and they did . Then they wiped their gloves with that paper strip and put it in the machine … more bells and whistles . That was when they had tWell , that was fun . Luckily , I fully expect things of this nature to happen to me , it is just inevitable . So I found myself fighting laughter through the whole process . I fought the little dog back into his carrier and hung the bag containing him over my shoulder . I figured I would grab a bite to eat and sit down in the terminal and wait the hour and a half to fly out . I found a stand and walked in and picked up a container of strawberries and blueberries . Then , I noticed that they had gluten free food ! I am allergic to gluten and much more . So I put back the fruit . " No fruit for me this time ! " I thought to myself and smiled . I saw gluten free sandwiches ! I was so excited I could barely contain myself , until I saw that they all had tomato on them . I am allergic to tomato . I excitedly walked over to the gluten free baked goods . But then I saw they all had chocolate in them . I am allergic to chocolate . But then I saw salads ! sigh With tomato in them . I picked up my fruit , paid for it and headed to the terminal . Finally there , I sat down and put my little dog on the ground . He cried so I put him in my lap . He cried , so I stood up , tossed him , still in his bag back over my shoulder , and walked the airport looking for Benadryl to help him calm down . After 45 minutes of searching I read that I could give him Dramamine , so I bought some . It was finally time to board and he was quiet so long as we were walking . Once on the flight , I had to put him on the floor under the seat in front of me . He cried and cried and cried . Dramamine did not help . Once in the air , I put him in my lap and he was better , still not great , but better . I knew it would be a long three and a half hours on that flight with no writing time . At one point I had to use the restroom . I headed back with the dog in his bag over my shoulder . The flight attendant said I had to leave him under the seat . I said , " Okay but he will scream . " and I headed back to my seat . But I guess with the two screaming babies on board and then the dog , too , she had hadFinally land and get off the plane . We were thirty minutes early ! Yay ! I called the kids , who were in route . They said they were planning me landing later so they would be there in a half hour . I could feel the bruise on my shoulder and wanted to rest but couldn 't , for the dog would cry . After a half hour of walking with the dog , I called the kids . They got lost and it would be another half hour . I watched all the people leave with their families and I was one of the only three people left by the time the kids made it . I was so happy to see them . I got in the car and we headed home , only to realize we were on empty . We needed gas … . right then ! We exited toward a gas station . It was confusing in the dark . There was a small street , just before you came to the station . So we passed it and looked for a place to turn in . There was none and it was a one way street . So the kids drove across the grass and over a curb and voila … we made it into the gas station parking lot . I love how adventurous my kids are . We got gas and made it home . And what a lovely home it is . My room is beautiful and comfortable . I didn 't sleep well . Maybe it was all the changes or excitement or the people I missed that were on my mind . The next day was fun . My son took off work to spend the day with me . We got groceries I could eat and watched movies . The day after that , my daughter took me to get some furniture for my room to make it more comfortable and to have places for all of my things . My son in law and son 's fiance ' listen to me rattle on about nothingness . The kids work together like the intricacies of an old clock . The gears in perfect sync . It looks like madness and confusion at times , but when you look closely , it all makes perfect sense . It 's like a ballet even . The movement and spinning and here and there , but nobody trips , they just flow . And now I get to be a part of this dance , too . My coordination lacks , but I know they will catch me if I fall , so it 's all good . P . S . I am adding a bit to this piece . My kids just knocked on my door and said to come to the kitchen for my surprise . They presented me with a welcome home card full of beautiful words that made my eyes water and little gift box . I opened it and found a house key that they had made for me with pink hearts and pink stones in it . I truly am home . Since getting back on Facebook under my psuedonym , I couldn 't help but notice something . I have people on my friends list who are incredibly positive and uplifting . They are supportive of your goals and dreams , no matter how big or small . Someone posts that they want to try a new dish for dinner and the cheerleaders are out , ' you can do it ! ' , ' never know until you try ! ' and ' let us know how it turns out ! ' . I love those people . And if you think they are amazing when you post something small you want to try , you should see them when you post about wanting to write a book or learn to fly a plane . These are the kind of people I want to model myself after . I want to make others feel as wonderful as they make me feel . I also noticed that there are incredibly negative people on there too , though . You post a picture of that meal you attempted . It tasted really good and you thought it was a success . But here come the bashers , ' I hope it tastes better than it looks ' , ' eww I guess that one wasn 't a success ' . Then you feel terrible . Even if 10 people come on and say nice things , you can 't help but feel embarrassed that you even posted the picture . I don 't know if they understand how poorly they can make people feel with their negative comments . It is unkind and unnecessary . I honestly feel that to become a success , we need to surround ourselves with positive people . And that is why I will be promptly blocking any negative people that I encounter on Facebook . I may not be able to block the negative in my real life , but I sure as hell can keep the hateful people at bay in Facebook land . |
Love or rather being in love is a beautiful but deadly force . It goes into the very depths of your soul . Your spirit holds on and your body yearns for that one touch . That daily dose of closeness and intimacy that is only yours . And when you don 't get your fix , you have chilling episodes where you can feel the pain crawling on your skin like a caterpillar leaving a trail of allergens all over you . I 'm not making sense I 'm I ? And such is the concept of love . But lust , well lust is much simpler . It starts with the eyes . Sometimes with a voice in the next room . Sometimes with a scent that whiffs past you on the street and somehow sticks to your clothes . Sometimes with a touch , even just a slight graze . He sat too close to me in the matatu . Maybe on purpose ? I don 't think so . The PSV was packed to the brim with a few people standing on the aisle . It was raining and water was sipping through the hinges on the window and onto his seat . He shifted to my side slightly and some water dripped from his wet umbrella onto my grey pants and some onto my black boots . He apologized . I said it was fine . It was more than fine . He paid my fare , citing the ' inconvenience ' he had caused me . Wawili ( two ) . He said to the conductor . He held up two fingers , left hand , his index and his middle . There was no ring on the third . Don 't ask me why my mind chose to emphasize that fact and write it in bold but I think you know . Veins , well defined , criss - crossed the back of his hand and disappeared under his black Calvin Klein watch and then under the sleeve of his leather jacket . He checked the time and sighed . Late for work ? I asked him . I needed more words from that beautiful mouth with a hint of a beard . Yeah , but I got my friend to open the studio so it should be fine . He answered . An artist ! My legs squeezed together . Reflex . It wasn 't just the streets getting wet . The prospect of discovering someone 's art , a stranger nonetheless has always enticed me . It 's like going on an adventure in some virgin island . You know you might find mosquitoes the size of your hand or get bit by a 6 foot snake no one 's ever seen before or fall of a cliff and into quick sand but the thrill of spending even just a few minutes discovering new beauty is just too alluring to pass up . I digress . Two posh cars were in the middle of the road , not moving . There was some kind of a minor accident . Neither drivers had come out to even look at the damage . Maybe they didn 't want to get their designer suits and shoes wet just for a minor scratch . The irritated police officer just made sure they exchanged insurance information and waved them through . Excuse me . My seat partner said and pointed toward the aisle . He was alighting at the next stop . Nooo ! I wanted to scream . Instead I moved my legs to the side and gave him way . Sorry again . He quickly said and walked down to the door . I watched him move like you 'd watch a baby taking their first steps , soaking in every moment . Weird analogy , I know , but you get my point . I probably was never going to see him again . Not physically anyway . But in my dreams ; Yoh ! On a horse going to war for his kingdom ; Or in a blacksmith 's stall beating hot metal into submission ; Or on the beach , shirtless , sweaty , bringing in his catch ; Or in a wizard 's den mixing potions and calling on powers above and below . I have strange dreams ( fantasies ) sometimes . But such is the concept of lust , it lingers on , it evolves , it sticks onto you until your eyes latch on to another . Intimacy is yet another complex entity . Into Me See . Closeness . Not necessarily romance as many believe . Just the very act of allowing another or a few into the most intricate parts of your life , your heart , your mind , your being . it transcends social rules and norms of relating , spits on them sometimes actually . You slide in gradually . It 's never forced , never coerced , never shoved down your throat and always years to be reciprocated . You see her / him / them and it 's an instant connection . She 's out of your league . She 'd never be friends with you . You know how awkward you get around new people . Remember how that one time someone said they liked your pen and because you were crushing on them you went ahead and bought them a whole set of assorted pens , matching pencils and marker pens and a matching set of scribbling pads ? Plus , she 's really serious . Looks very together and you are a mess . She 'll never give you a second look . Crap ! She just did . Well , smile back you idiot ! Don 't just stand there . Oh my , now she 's walking towards you . Can we take a photo together ? She asks . Yeah sure . You mumble back . I mean , we , are at an art exhibition anyway and they are allowing photography and it 's raining outside so it 's not like we are going anywhere and we both look pretty good , not that I was looking or staring just that when you were walking toward me you were in my line of sight and … . . Geez ! Stop rambling and just pose ! You tell yourself when you realize you 've been talking for 3 straight minutes and She 's been waiting for you to finish so y ' all can take that photo . You go home that night reliving that moment over and over . You text that you got home ok . You have a long , unexpected chat . You sleep with a smile on your face . You are convinced that that night is the start of a long and beautiful friendship ( something ) . Come over for lunch sometime , her last text said . Sure , I can cook a mean fried chicken , actually any type of chicken , chicken is my middle name . You text back then realize that you just called yourself ' chicken ' . Lunches , dinners , sleep covers , out of town camping trips , long chats , ridiculously long calls , family visits . Soon you realize , there is nothing about you that this person does not know . Even those deep dark secrets that wake you up in the middle of the night . Even the weird stuff like how sometimes on your way to work in the morning you kinda wish you 'd get slightly hit by a small car so you 'd just break a leg because you really hate your job and you just need a two - month " accidental " break from it and life in general . Bffs , soulmates , peas in a pod , birds of a feather , flocking all over town painting things red and mixing in other colors in the process . Always defining and redefining what levels of intimacy you are on or going on . Like I said , it 's complex . Mix it in with love and eish , Until it ends and then . . heartbreak . But that 's a story for another day . For now , enjoy the ride . He turned off the alarm , pushed his black Egyptian - silk sheets to the side and sat at the edge of his custom made mahogany king - sized bed . He looked back to the other side of the bed , it was rough too . He tries to sleep on both sides now . He looked up to the ceiling Those were the words written on the poster his therapist had advised he have made . He glued it top the ceiling above his bed so it would be the first thing he saw when he woke up . That was his mantra . He lifted himself off the bed , at least it took less time now . He walked into the bathroom , turned on the hot shower and tried to scrub the nightmares away . He dressed up in his navy blue Armani suit , and as he fastened his tie in front of the mirror , he felt the loneliness start to creep in . " Not today , not today , not today " he mumbled to himself repeatedly and quickly walked to his sock drawer . He can 't stop moving , helps to shut out the voices in his head . He has a quick breakfast , leaves instructions for his housekeeper and gardener on the platinum double door fridge and walks out to the garage , gets into his black , Audi Q7 , opens the garage door and drives out . He is grateful for the buzz of traffic and a city awake . Before , just a few years ago actually , he couldn 't wait to get home , now he worked overtime every day and spends the better part of the night having drinks or barbecue with his boys . They were his rock . Without them , he would have jumped off that bridge a while ago . Therapy was working well and he had found faith somehow . He prayed a lot . He still thought about her . Four years of history is hard to let go especially because of how she left and the mess she left behind . The mess he had been cleaning up for a whole year now . Theirs wasn 't a story with happy ending but it had a beautiful albeit quick beginning . They had met in college where they were both pursuing master 's degrees in different fields . It wasn 't love at first sight , far from it actually . He hated her , well hate is a strong word though that is what he felt for her now , back then it was more dislike . He should have stuck to his gut feeling but he was in a dark place back then which probably wasn 't the right time to get into any relationship but especially not with her . He had lost his mother a few months before they met . She had died in her sleep . The autopsy said it was a brain aneurysm . There was nothing anyone could have done . At the funeral , Shaka had stayed back as everyone left for home . He fell to his knees beside the freshly filled grave and wailed . She was a mean soul but he loved her to her dying breath . His father had run off with another woman when Shaka was just 11 years old . He had left Shaka , his baby sister then only 3 years old and their mother alone . They weren 't destitute ; she was a career nurse , doing well at a local private hospital . They lived in a nice house which they owned and lacked nothing , nothing but the warmth of love . His father had left him something , something Shaka wished he could scrape off ; his face . Since he was a baby , everyone knew who his father was . He had his eyes , his nose , his jaw even his hairline . He truly was his father 's son . At the beginning this was something he drove great pride from because even as a child because everyone around him would make such a big fuss of it . But then that night came when an eleven year old boy 's life was turned upside down . It was late but Shaka had always been a light sleeper . He heard his parents arguing , it was loud and pretty heated . As a curious kid of course he went out of his room to eavesdrop . His sister was asleep in her room . He walked to the staircase and sat on the top step . He could see both of them in the hall way downstairs . They were both very angry , screaming over each other like they were competing who could scream loudest . He had never seen either of them this angry . At the time , he couldn 't really understand what was going on exactly . They would always fight in their bedroom if ever and even then , it would be in hush hush tones . " Sawa ! ( Fine ! ) Kwani wafikiri tutakufa ukienda kwa huyo malaya wako ? ! ( You think we will die if you ran off with that prostitute ? ) his mother shouted back . Shaka saw his father walk toward the staircase . It was too late to run to his room . His father stared at him for a few seconds at the bottom step , sighed then rushed up the stairs to their bedroom . Shaka ran to his room . A few minutes later , he heard a door bang shut , someone going down the stairs and the front door open and bang shut . He ran to the window and looked outside . As his father walked up to his car , Shaka silently willed him to turn around . Maybe if he saw his grief - stricken son 's face he would come back . He did turn around , their eyes did meet , he did see the tears fall down Shaka 's face but he did not come back . Shaka never saw his father again and his mother , well , any specks of gentleness she had left walked right out the door with that man . Shaka knew she tried so hard to shield them from the darkness that slowly crept over her over the years that were to follow and so he always tried to be a good boy . His sister tried too . They both did exceptionally well in school , did all their chores on time and essentially just stayed out of their mothers way . The hugs , the ' I love yous ' , they all stopped soon enough and all that remained when a little boy and a little girl hugged their mother was a quick pat on the back and instructions for the next day 's chores . After a while , they all just stopped trying . Now as Shaka watched his woman walk away , he racked his brain trying to figure out what he had done to make her leave . It must have been his fault somehow . People don 't just leave , right ? He turned off the alarm , pushed his black Egyptian - silk sheets to the side and sat at the edge of his custom made mahogany king - sized bed . He looked back to the other side of the bed , it was rough too . He tries to sleep on both sides now . He looked up to the ceiling Those were the words written on the poster his therapist had advised he have made . He glued it top the ceiling above his bed so it would be the first thing he saw when he woke up . That was his mantra . He lifted himself off the bed , at least it took less time now . He walked into the bathroom , turned on the hot shower and tried to scrub the nightmares away . He dressed up in his navy blue Armani suit , and as he fastened his tie in front of the mirror , he felt the loneliness start to creep in . " Not today , not today , not today " he mumbled to himself repeatedly and quickly walked to his sock drawer . He can 't stop moving , helps to shut out the voices in his head . He has a quick breakfast , leaves instructions for his housekeeper and gardener on the platinum double door fridge and walks out to the garage , gets into his black , Audi Q7 , opens the garage door and drives out . He is grateful for the buzz of traffic and a city awake . Before , just a few years ago actually , he couldn 't wait to get home , now he worked overtime every day and spends the better part of the night having drinks or barbecue with his boys . They were his rock . Without them , he would have jumped off that bridge a while ago . Therapy was working well and he had found faith somehow . He prayed a lot . He still thought about her . Four years of history is hard to let go especially because of how she left and the mess she left behind . The mess he had been cleaning up for a whole year now . Theirs wasn 't a story with happy ending but it had a beautiful albeit quick beginning . They had met in college where they were both pursuing master 's degrees in different fields . It wasn 't love at first sight , far from it actually . He hated her , well hate is a strong word though that is what he felt for her now , back then it was more dislike . He should have stuck to his gut feeling but he was in a dark place back then which probably wasn 't the right time to get into any relationship but especially not with her . He had lost his mother a few months before they met . She had died in her sleep . The autopsy said it was a brain aneurysm . There was nothing anyone could have done . At the funeral , Shaka had stayed back as everyone left for home . He fell to his knees beside the freshly filled grave and wailed . She was a mean soul but he loved her to her dying breath . His father had run off with another woman when Shaka was just 11 years old . He had left Shaka , his baby sister then only 3 years old and their mother alone . They weren 't destitute ; she was a career nurse , doing well at a local private hospital . They lived in a nice house which they owned and lacked nothing , nothing but the warmth of love . His father had left him something , something Shaka wished he could scrape off ; his face . Since he was a baby , everyone knew who his father was . He had his eyes , his nose , his jaw even his hairline . He truly was his father 's son . At the beginning this was something he drove great pride from because even as a child because everyone around him would make such a big fuss of it . But then that night came when an eleven year old boy 's life was turned upside down . It was late but Shaka had always been a light sleeper . He heard his parents arguing , it was loud and pretty heated . As a curious kid of course he went out of his room to eavesdrop . His sister was asleep in her room . He walked to the staircase and sat on the top step . He could see both of them in the hall way downstairs . They were both very angry , screaming over each other like they were competing who could scream loudest . He had never seen either of them this angry . At the time , he couldn 't really understand what was going on exactly . They would always fight in their bedroom if ever and even then , it would be in hush hush tones . " Sawa ! ( Fine ! ) Kwani wafikiri tutakufa ukienda kwa huyo malaya wako ? ! ( You think we will die if you ran off with that prostitute ? ) his mother shouted back . Shaka saw his father walk toward the staircase . It was too late to run to his room . His father stared at him for a few seconds at the bottom step , sighed then rushed up the stairs to their bedroom . Shaka ran to his room . A few minutes later , he heard a door bang shut , someone going down the stairs and the front door open and bang shut . He ran to the window and looked outside . As his father walked up to his car , Shaka silently willed him to turn around . Maybe if he saw his grief - stricken son 's face he would come back . He did turn around , their eyes did meet , he did see the tears fall down Shaka 's face but he did not come back . Shaka never saw his father again and his mother , well , any specks of gentleness she had left walked right out the door with that man . Shaka knew she tried so hard to shield them from the darkness that slowly crept over her over the years that were to follow and so he always tried to be a good boy . His sister tried too . They both did exceptionally well in school , did all their chores on time and essentially just stayed out of their mothers way . The hugs , the ' I love yous ' , they all stopped soon enough and all that remained when a little boy and a little girl hugged their mother was a quick pat on the back and instructions for the next day 's chores . After a while , they all just stopped trying . Now as Shaka watched his woman walk away , he racked his brain trying to figure out what he had done to make her leave . It must have been his fault somehow . People don 't just leave , right ? I went for an RA meeting last week . We meet twice a month because two weeks is all it takes for some of these guys to fall hopelessly in love ; me included . We share war stories about grand - gestures gone wrong and romance stories we have enacted in real life that should have been left in rom - coms and romance novels of the damsel in distress and prince charming kind . This one guy , for Valentine 's day , because his girlfriend once mentioned that she would love to go to Paris , the poor fellow , unable to afford to take them on a trip to Paris went ahead and built a model of the city , Eiffel tower and all , just for her . That thing took him a total of three months to complete . He you - tubed the heck out of it . He really should have stopped there but of course he didn 't . Hopeless romantics never just stop at the one grand gesture . It 's all about the series of gestures that would lead up to the ultimate grand gesture . Bigger is always better . So for dinner he takes her to this fancy French restaurant in a leafy suburb an hour drive away , gets a table by the pond and has a violinist play for them as they ate food that he ordered in fluent French . The guy couldn 't even say ' Bonjour ' just a few months ago ! What does he get in return you ask ? A generic ' happy valentine 's day ' card and a tie . A flippin ' tie ! It wasn 't even one of those fancy knitted ties the cool guys wear nowadays , that he actually likes . Nah ; the lady just got one off the street that cost like 200bob at most . It was black with grey stripes . Yes , he wore it to the meeting because we love to make points . We all burst out laughing at the end of his share , mostly because we would have done the same thing in his place . We advise him to stick to chocolates and teddy bears next time and maybe an Eiffel tower key ring but we all know we 'll be seeing a model of New York City next time because he said she mentioned that that was another place she would love to visit . I can 't wait to see what colour tie he gets next year . I saw a few people takiThe next share was from another fellow . Now this one was downright hilarious . So this guy ( let 's call him Mike ) has a girlfriend , now fiancée that he 's been dating for about three months . Yes , three months is enough to date and get engaged and get married for a romantic . Their wedding was in two weeks . Who needs months or years of courtship and planning ? When you know , you know . In their defense , they did know each other briefly in high school . I use the term ' know ' loosely because Mike just kind of saw her perform a narrative at a drama festival ; chatted her up , got her name and school address and proceeded to send her love notes for three months straight , every week , like clockwork . Of course he used the flowery writing pads , and splashed his cologne on every envelope . He only got one letter back . The girl soon transferred to another school and didn 't give Mike the new address so they lost touch and reconnected just last year . You should have seen Mike at the meeting after they reconnected . " I found her guys , she must be the one ! " He announced . We tried to caution him to take it slow because he didn 't know where the girl stood or even if she was available but he hit us with a " You know the saying guys , If you love something , set it free , if it comes back , marry it ! " We laughed through the whole meeting and congratulated him on his upcoming nuptials . We all knew he was going to propose soon . So on this random day he takes his girl out on a date . We romantics don 't know special occasions or holidays , we pretty much just smother you with love all year round . I don 't use the term ' smother ' loosely . She had mentioned in passing that she had always loved camel rides down at the coast , on the beach , when she was a kid so of course Mike went ahead and hired a camel for the day . They went to a park where camel rides could be made available at the request of the visitors . They were at the gate waiting for said camel because the park has you sign a release form incase anything goes wrong and you have to pay a small caution fee . As the camel was arriving , this bike - rider ( bodaboda ) started taunting the animal . He roared his engine loudly and even tried to run it off the road . I kid you not ; the camel kicked the guy off the bike and sat on his face ! The camel 's caretaker quickly came to the idiot 's aid and got the camel to calmly get off his face . The bike - rider had to apologise to the camel from a safe distance . I have never seen a man so embarrassed . Camels don 't play . Suffice to say no one rode on that camel that day so they had a picnic together instead , fed it apples and petted it . Some of children who were at the park also came in to join the fun . It was delightful and a definite win for Mike ; his girlfriend said she had never laughed that hard in her life . I won 't be able to attend Mike 's wedding but I can 't wait to hear stories . We all know ' grand ' doesn 't even begin to describe what he has in store . Why bother getting wedding ideas from wedding magazines or watching wedding shows or hiring a wedding planner when all you really need is a romantic to dream up your wedding from start to finish . You might have to scale it down a bit but you can be sure it will be like nothing you 've ever heard or seen before and it will blow everyone 's mind . The incredible hulk saved my life yesterday . He took the syringe from my hands and threw it out through the open window . You know those were for the dog right ? I asked him in shock . The doctor says I have to give him injections thrice a day . I hate doing it because he always looks at me dead in the eye with those sad puppy eyes , like you are right now . I said to him and sat him on the edge of my bed . It 's ok , you 've had a long day , why don 't you go watch some TV as I get dinner ready and prepare for the guests . I told him as I led him into the living room area and turned on the TV . He just sat there flipping through the channels , I think it relaxes him . We all know we need him relaxed ; no one wants a giant green thingy terrorizing the neighbours . My relationship with the landlord was already dicey after a few incidents I would rather not get into right now . I took out more medication for Papi , my puppy . I had to inject him through the neck . The vet said that the medicine would get into his system quicker that way . Just three more days of it and the poor thing would be in the clear . I found the little guy abandoned down the street , next to the overflowing county garbage bin . No one really emptied it anymore after the last workers ' strike . Every last civil servant and county staff were fired and new ones quickly shipped in from the neighbouring countries in the region to take over . Of course they were paid as expats and the country was practically oozing dollars all because the government refused to yield . This ego business was soon going to bring us to our knees . I wish I could say it wasn 't my circus but the bin was a few hundred metres away from our apartment building , I had to go by it to get to my place . I would always rush by to get minimum whiff of the stench . There was a rundown settlement right next to it . I wondered how people lived there with the smell from the bin and busted sewer lines that sent waste flowing in the shallow trenches that ran beside the shacks . They had to keep digging them reOn that day I slowed down because I heard a muffled sound coming from the other side of the bin . I moved in closer to check after I picked up a rock just in case . It was a tiny rock , the size of my fist ; not really the kind of thing that could protect you from say , a rabid dog but hey , it did give me a false sense of security . The tiny thing was lying in a box covered in black goo . I teared up soon as I saw it . I didn 't even know if it was a cat , a dog , a rat or some mutated animal thingy . I took off my scarf and scooped it up . I managed to wipe of most of the gunk and that 's when it opened up its eyes and looked right into mine . I can 't explain what I felt in that moment exactly but I think I saw a glimpse of myself in the wretched animal . It fell right asleep in my arms like it somehow knew it had found a home . I took it home , bathed it , fed it , called him Papi and I guess the rest is history . Papi fell sick often for the next few months but the vet said that was because of all the filth he had been exposed to and also because he never really breastfed at all . I wondered if his mother ever looked for him . Catwoman saved my life last night . She came in through the fire escape on my balcony . I didn 't even hear her come in . She knocked the bottle of pills from my hand and held me for what felt like hours . You don 't have to do this Anike . You 'll be fine . She said in a whisper . Ummm , I just had a headache and needed Panadol and I kind of mixed everything together in one bottle so I had a lot pf pills in my hand because I was trying to get the right ones . She let go of me quickly ; I could see the embarrassment in her eyes . What 's for dinner ? She asked quickly desperate to put that awkward mushy moment behind us . I followed her cue and gave her a breakdown of the menu . Right , so I will need to borrow your pants , the ones with an elastic band at the waist because this leather costume will not be able to handle what 's about to happen . She said and went straight to rummaging through my closet . They are right where you left them last time woman ! I said as I pulled them out of a drawer and handed them to her . She proceeded to undress down to her underwear . Well that escalated quickly , I said with a chuckle and briskly walked to the kitchen . I mean who wants to see their superheroes naked ? Don 't answer that . So what 's up with the little - big guy ? Catwoman asked pointing toward the hulk on the sofa . I didn 't even hear her come into the kitchen . Maybe we should put a bell around you ? I said jokingly . She wasn 't amused . He had a really bad day at work at the lab . I started to tell her the story . This other scientist had been using the lab 's funding and equipment to create some kind of freaky robots . They looked like human - sized dolls made of silicon but with a computer brain ( I was simplifying it because I didn 't understand the science jargon he used but I got the gist ) . Anyway , this mad - scientist had them in some bunker not too far from the lab and claimed they were the ' greatest breakthrough in artificial intelligence applications in warfare ' . Soon the robots could talk like humans , walk like humans and even hold real conversations . He would have them watch all kinds or war movies and train in war scenarios . A few broke loose and slaughtered the guards and a couple of doctors that were there but thankfully did not escape from the bunker . Violence was all they knew after all . They had to shut down the project and destroy the robots . It was gruesome . They also screamed like humans . Hulk or rather Bruce Banner ( his human alter - ego , the brilliant scientist ) was there for all of it as lead supervisor . It took a lot out of him ; I have no idea how he managed to keep calm . I finished . Cat woman looked at me and winked . I knew what it meant . The rizzlers and grinder are on that shelf and you know where to find the rest . Do you need a pen or something to help roll it ? I asked her . She rolled her eyes at me and sighed . Do I look like an amateur Anike ? She asked . Relax , my bad . I told her and blew her a kiss . She 's so touchy that one . I heard the bell ring and went to open the door for the rest of the dinner guests . My younger sister Amina and her boyfriend Batman , who had to introduce himself every time he walked into a room even though we could all see the costume and he would always forget to put the bat - mobile in stealth mode . We could hear him coming from a mile away . Shoes on the rack , drinks are on the table and no one talk to Bruce till he 's had his fix . I announced as I ushered them in . The landlord had come too with Mrs . Maanake nonetheless . They both tried to hide the fact that they came together but I got a knowing look from Mrs . Maanake . I couldn 't wait for that story . A couple more people from the apartment building came too even though I do not remember inviting anyone else . It must have been one of those polite ' I 'm inviting you but hoping you won 't come ' situations . There was more than enough food and drinks though so , the more the merrier I guess . Soon the room was filled with music and chatter . Batman was showing off his latest tech and bragging about how not even Ironman could come up with half the things he did . Oh , how I wished Ironman was here , and then we 'd have a ' tech ' - measuring contest right in my living room . And I only say ' tech ' because this is supposed to be a PG story . Ha - ha ! Catwoman busted me staring at the hulk . Stop drooling and just tell the man how you feel . She nudged . Yeah , well you couldn 't tell Batman how you felt five years ago and now he 's engaged to my sister so you are one to talk . I nudged back and quickly regretted it when I saw the sadness that had crept into her eyes . Sorry love ; I guess some wounds never heal . I said and gave her a pat on the back . I 've never been much of a hugger . Whatever ; here 's to past ' what ifs ' and women in love with angry green giants ( he 's never been a monster for me and even he was , I 'd still be madly in - love with him ) ! She said as she handed me a glass filled with a mix of everything . Here ! Here ! I said and downed whatever that was . It didn 't taste good at all . Like he knew we were talking about him , the hulk looked up straight at me and smiled . I lost the feeling in my legs and almost dropped the salad bowl . Cat woman just burst out laughing and took the bowl from my hands . I really should get new friends ; superheroes can be mean . Superman saved me that night ; he came in through the window . I didn 't even know I had left it open . I knew it was him because I heard a slight whoosh when he glided in . Plus , he had a cape and I don 't think those are in fashion yet . I live on the fifth floor , the house in the corner with the red door . All other houses had black doors . I painted it myself . The landlord threw a fit when he saw the * wet paint , do not touch * sign I had stuck on the wall but I think it was the smell of freshly baked brownies that really made him ring the door bell . By the time we were on the fifth piece of chocolate goodness it was all laughs from the bad puns . He asked for a wet wipe for his red finger tips , ' next time , read the sign man ' I said as I ushered him out of my big red door . That was the last time I ever spoke to him face to face but I 'd always get the usual monthly email reminder when rent was due . I preferred it that way , no need to get too social with people who you are in business agreements with . When his wife was sick , I baked brownies and made cheesy shrimp pasta and took it over . He wasn 't home . That month I didn 't receive the email , he probably wrote it and forgot to hit send . I paid my rent on time either way . Superman came into my bedroom ; well , the space that is my bedroom in my dainty studio apartment . He took the knife from my hand and bent it halfway . He looked in shock at the blood dripping from my hands . I will save you , he said and whipped his cape to the side . Another whoosh . I 'm making blood sausage ( mutura ) , you can stay for some if you want . I had just gone into the bedroom to check on the window , just in time too . Sorry about the knife , let me just bend it back , yes ? He said as he got cozy on my couch , took the remote and flipped the channels . Guess what program he lands on ; Justice league ; narcissistic much ? Wonder Woman saved my life that night . I had left my kitchen window open . I really should put a child lock on those things . She took the rope from my hand and threw it out the window . The goat was watching silently in the corner and jolted past us soon as the rope hit the ground . Thankfully the red door was locked so it just sat downdown infront of it dejectedly . I 've never heard a goat sigh but I 'm sure that was the sound the poor thing made . We 'll have to use your lasso to tie him up or he 'll get poop everywhere . My bad , didn 't know the rope was for him , WonderWoman said sadly . She carried the goat with such ease and walked to the balcony . She took the lasso off her belt and tied the goat onto the rails . She stood there for a bit and just gazed at the clear sky . I never thought superheroes got sad . I think you could use a hug . I whispered as I took her in my arms and squeezed . She cried on my shoulder , her tears stung like hot acid . Ok that 's enough , I only have the one layer of skin . I make bad jokes in uncomfortable emotionally intense situations . Go keep superman company on the couch , the blood sausage will be ready in no time . I told her and ushered her into the living room . She walked to the living room space , said a flat hello to Superman and sat down on a pillow farthest from the alien man . I wondered what that was about . I divided the mutura ; half for me and half for the barbecue the tonight . The Home Owners Association in my apartment building throw a party biannually . That 's when you get to meet the big wigs ; private developers , real estate gurus , the kind that own half of the ground you walk on ; corner office CEOs and other forms of gold toothed business moguls . They hand you their glossy matte - laminated cards and flash empty smiles , there is no soul in those eyes , just tinted windows . We are together you know , tuko pamoja , they say as they whiff past you to the open bar . I prefer staying behind the grill , feeding their thirsty stomachs ; shoving juicy , meaty goodness down their hungry throats . The blood sausage is divine Anike , they tell me as they go for another piece . I take a few plates and serve the watchmen , I give them the best cuts . After all they let me bring in the goats and chicken for the barbecue among other things . They even help me tie them onto the rails on my balcony and feed them if I 'm not around . They also water my precious herbs when I 'm away . Superman and Wonder Woman make an entrance . Together . I guess they made up . Superman in a black tuxedo and wonder woman in a long cocktail dress . A bit much for a barbecue but you know aliens and their big gestures . They immediately become the life of the party telling and retelling the story of how they saved the girl in the apartment with the red door . The one who makes the brownies ? The barbecue expert ? I let them have their moment , they probably really need it . Time for dessert ! I move to the dessert table . There are a few cakes , truffles , a three layer pie and my signature brownies . I have to make sure everyone takes just one otherwise there was going to be a riot . I put in extra chocolate and more than just a dash of my secret ingredient . I grow my own herbs . Everyone always asks what herb I use specifically . If I tell you it won 't be a secret anymore would it ? I say with a chuckle . I served every piece with a generous pouring of hot fudge , a scoop of French vanilla ice cream and a spray whipped cream around it . I get a knowing smile from each person as they leave the dessert table . They 've all tasted my brownies before but it 's always a new experience each time . That should hold them over for a while . I say to the other servers and walk back to the grill . 2am and the party was still lit . Second round of meat , drinks and dessert was underway . Superman and Wonder Woman were seated by the bonfire . Wonder woman 's legs stretched out towards the fire , the slit on her dress coming up to her ample thighs . She had a curious tatoo running from her left ankle up and disappearing graciously into her dress . Focus ! Don 't burn the meat Anike ! She smiles my way , I wink and smile back . Your rack of ribs is almost ready ! I shout to her . Don 't forget your special barbecue sauce ! She shouts back . She drinks that stuff like juice . That woman can eat . I love it ! The Green Lantern saved my life that night . When I heard the whoosh , at first I thought maybe superman had gone up to use the bathroom . He never just walks anywhere that one . The green , glowing alien knocked the lighter fluid out of my hands and took the lighter from my other hand . Fine then , you can light the fire yourself . I snapped at him and walked away . He came after me , swooshed in front of me on a green skateboard . Sorry Anike , I lit your fire , better get to it before it goes out again . Sorry for snapping at you , I told him and pointed to where the other aliens were seated . He turned the skateboard into green roller blades and rolled over to them . This guy with his antics , sha ! Dawn crept up on us like a teenager sneaking back home from a party she / he was forbidden to attend . As the first rays of the sun hit the ground , everyone kind of paired up with whomever was closer and headed for whoever 's home was closest . I called cabs for a few , including Mrs . Maanake . I was wrapping up the last of the meat for one of the guests to take home when her and her partner for the night walked up to the grill . Would you mind holding on to these and calling one of your cab guys for me please . She smiled as she handed me the man 's car keys . Mrs . Maanake lived on the fourth floor with her husband . Sometimes before he took his usual long business trips , he 'd come up and ask if I could check up on her once in a while . She gets lonely you know , he 'd say . Of course , tell her she can come over anytime . We 'll bake brownies , share recipes , you know , girl stuff . I 'd tell him and somehow that gave him peace of mind . Convinced him that his wife would still be his and his alone when he got back . Let me know when you 'll be coming to pick them , I tell Mrs . Maanake as I put the keys in my jeans pocket . You are such a gem Anike . She smiles and goes back to smooching the gentleman by her side . I know I 'll get the full lowdown when she gets back . I don 't know why she shares stories of her escapades with me or why I look forward to hearing them every time . I guess I like to live vicariously through her . The aliens waved from a distance signalling that they were about to take off too . Are you sure you can fly in that , Wonder Woman ? I ask her pointing to her beautiful dress and stilettos . You are a funny woman Anike . She shouts back and whoosh ! All three of the them disappear into the night 's sky . The watch - men help me clear up what 's left and carry the grill to my place . Thanks guys and good day . Good day Miss . Anike . I go into the kitchen , get a tub of pistachio ice cream , a large spoon and collapse on the couch . I was still riled up from the excitement of the night so I knew I wouldn 't be able to fall asleep for a while . So I just sat down , music playing in the background and fantasized about all the superheroes in my life ; saving me even when I 'd never admit I need saving . My best friend Lisa met a guy at a bar last night . I know ; who parties on a Sunday night right ? But the dreaded 64 - day January was over and people always need a reason to celebrate . He was quite the charmer . And , no he didn 't come up to her with the tired cliché ; " Hey babe , you look hot tonight . " He wouldn 't have gotten anywhere with that . Do people even use that anymore ? And , no he didn 't buy her a drink and insist on joining her table as some men do and think they suddenly have a right to your time and space . I mean just because I don 't have the money to dirt - ify my table ( kuchafua meza ) , doesn 't mean am not content sipping on my two drinks all night . This guy actually did something new . She had to pass by his table to go to the bathroom . So every time she got up to go to the loo , he would see her approach , smile and offer to escort her to the ladies room , wait outside , tell her not to be long and remember to wash her hands after . When she 'd get out of the washroom he would walk with her to his table then usher her to hers . Aside from asking for her number when he was about to leave , they did not exchange more than just those few sentences and a few glances and smiles from their separate tables . Even as the night grew older and the alcohol took its inevitable effect on the patrons leaving some passed out on their seats , he never lost that awkward charm . Let 's not pretend ; we have all met a few psychos in our lifetime as ladies in this big city and most would never come on too strong in the beginning . It 's when he texts you cheesy poetry at 3am in the morning followed swiftly by 10 texts asking why you are not responding that the warning lights start flashing . Or when he follows you on every social media platform including my - space and likes all your photos and posts from 2004 - 2017 and comments ' Be My Baby ' on all of them . Or when he changes his status to ' Married to * insert your name here * ' and changes his profile picture to a googled photo of yours . Thanks a lot Google ! That 's when you know you need to have 999 on speed dial and send a - ' If I disappear one day look for this man * insert psycho 's photo here * ' - multimedia text to all your friends and family . But enough of the morbid talk , what I am really trying to say is ; there are charmers out there . I hear even I , am one of them but rarely would you find someone with new game , new lines and a unique brand of charm . A simple gentlemanly act such as an escort to and from the bathroom with no form of obvious intent is a welcome change to the usual ; |
That day is a blur ; it was supposed to be my day of rest , after going out to Union to search for Dad on Saturday , Sunday , Monday . I had set Wednesday as my return to work , if we didn 't find him . I had very mixed feelings about going back to work . I couldn 't stay out indefinitely ; what if we never find him ? Sometimes , people who go missing are never , ever found . They just disappear without a trace . How does a person just disappear ? The laws of physics tell us that matter cannot be created or destroyed in a closed system ; therefore , he can 't just be gone . He is somewhere in the Escheresque universe in which I 've been living since 8 : 40 Friday morning ; I just can 't find my way to him . The angles are all wrong , they are impossible , incomprehensible . I 've been saying : " My dad is missing " . I could just as easily say : " I 'm missing my Dad " and mean it in all its double - entendred glory ; he 's missing ; I miss him ; oops , have I missed him ? What am I missing ? When someone goes missing , what happens to the people who are missing them ? What do they do ? Do they return to their jobs ? Do they shop for groceries on the way home from work ? Do they still buy Metrocards , and make sure that there 's milk in the refrigerator for breakfast the next morning ? Do they plan their meals for the coming week ? What about the laundry ? Do they carry on , do they do all of these things , all the while waiting for a call from the police or the FBI or a hospital or a morgue that their loved one or their loved one 's body has been found ? Or do they simply sit still ? Do they wait by the telephone , or stake out a spot in front of the computer , searching , researching , unable to move ? Do they take their cellphones into the shower ? Do they take showers ? Whatever I am doing , I feel like I should be doing something else instead . What if I 'm doing the wrong things , and that 's why I can 't find the right angle ? Is my approach all wrong ? I 've never known anyone else who had this happen . I have no experts to consult . I need a roadmap for this terra incognita where we are marooned . My plan for Tuesday was to talk to the detectives in the morning and get them to set the bloodhounds looking for my father . We were in Day 5 ; Dad had been missing for ninety - six hours ( I had decided that , when we got to one hundred hours , I would switch to counting days ) . Frank and I awoke to the alarm , took our showers , ate our breakfast , drank our coffee , shared the New York Times , watched Weather Channel , just like we do every day . It was all so nice and normal . I turned on my computer to check email . I had messages from my friend Janice asking if there 'd been any word ( no ) ; from my friend Peg , who pointed out how easily the elderly become invisible to the rest of us , allowing as how if Dad had gone out in his pajamas , someone might remember having seen him ( he had done that already , the week before ) ; from Nancy , letting us know that she , Chris and Grant would be in New Jersey by around 2 that afternoon . She added that Chris suggested that one way to get Dad back would be to buy and install an air conditioner in his dining room ( Dad was legendarily spartan about heating and cooling ) . The search had become its own creature , apart from Dad ; Dad and the search for Dad were two separate beings . There had been moments when I felt we were searching just for the sake of doing something . It wasn 't that I thought our efforts were useless or hopeless ; there was a small ( and shrinking ) part of me that thought we might yet find him , and find him alive . Surely there was a reasonable explanation for him being missing ; the Laws of the Conservation of Matter decreed that he was still somewhere in the known universe . Since Friday , I had been dealing with the unknowingness of my situation by trying to control those things I could . To be effective , to move forward , I had to be dispassionate about the alternatives that lay before us . I had to be on task , I had to manage time well , I had to ruthlessly prioritize . It was like managing the store ( people / product / operations ) , except this really was life and death . I wasn 't alone ; I had lots of help , all the help I could ask for ; my husband , my siblings and sibs - in - law , their children , our friends were living through this with me ; but I felt so terribly alone . Okay , so the detectives would have dogs and helicopters … Det . Moutis said that we should register for a Silver Alert . I said I 'd set it up if he sent me a link . Monday night , when I got home from New Jersey , before we had dinner , Frank and I were talking about places that George and Barbara and Alyssa and Kevin and Glenn and the neighbors and I couldn 't get into to search on our own . Frank had made a list of the kinds of places that should be searched ; abandoned buildings within a reasonable radius ; houses that had been foreclosed upon , and were vacant ; garages , sheds , outbuildings , even on occupied properties - we 'd had a cat years ago who had gotten locked in a neighbor 's garage by accident , and he 'd been missing for three days before the neighbor returned , opened the garage , and out came our Patch . Maybe Dad crawled into or under an abandoned car in a foreclosed garage and has been unable to get out and come home . Maybe he fell through a rotted floor in a vacant , derelict house . Maybe he got lost again , and went into a house that he thought was his , except it was empty , and now he thought we had sold all of his things or that he had lost the house to taxes . When we had his income taxes done earlier that spring , he got confused , and thought the new accountant was there to take his house away . Maybe he was looking for Mom . My email to Det . Moutis crossed with his email to me giving me the web address for setting up a Silver Alert . I should have guessed it - www . silveralert . org - and I can 't remember now why I couldn 't . I registered my dad for the Silver Alert and uploaded the picture that we 'd used on his flyers . I emailed the link to Det . Moutis and all my sibs with the login and password . For some reason - and I don 't know if it still works this way - the login and password were only good for an hour , and I had to re - log - in and re - upload his picture once the hour was up . I called my contact at Union 's Channel 12 to give her Dad 's information and the Facebook page URLs so she could do a screengrab of the flyer . I promised to follow up with a flyer by email , in case the screengrab wasn 't sufficiently clear . Lexi promised to get the information on the air that day . Janet and Wally were at Dad 's , getting ready to leave for Maryland , since Nancy was coming up . Someone had to be in Maryland to take care of the total of five cats and one dog between the two households , so Janet and Nancy tag - teamed . I think that George and Barbara were both back at work - it 's so hard to remember now , and my cell phone and text records aren 't clear . Alyssa had finals coming up , so she was back in school . John was planning to arrive on Thursday . Maybe we 'd find Dad by then . The detectives had arrived , with the bloodhound and his handler from the Essex County Canine Unit . It was mid - day . They 'd had to wait for the bloodhound to come from the next county , because Union County didn 't have one of their own . The handler , wearing latex gloves , took my father 's old worn pajamas outside , and spread the top and bottom out on the lawn in front of Dad 's house . ( The image I conjured for myself of my father 's nightclothes spread out on the lush grass is indelibly imprinted on my mind 's eye . ) The handler wears gloves so that he doesn 't transfer his own scent particles to the scent article . I am in my living room . I am waiting , too . I text Glenn ( not wanting to tie up the phone ) ; he has heard nothing , and is getting anxious . They have not been gone long . The bloodhound veered left at the head of the path , into the woods , without hesitation . They went deep , deeper , following my father 's scent , over brambles , and weeds , and thickets of vines , into the heavy brush . They found him lying on the ground . He said it would have been impossible to find him without the bloodhound . The brush and tangles of vines and weeds were more than two feet high ; Dad had sat down on a log , taken off his shoes , and either lay down or fell back . He was on the ground , his glasses and tan hat were off to the side , his watch still on his wrist . He was clothed except for his shoes , which were on the ground next to the log . They would have to confirm his identity with dental records . He had been out in the elements for more than one hundred hours . The coroner would later say that he had almost certainly died the first day . That would account for the lack of sightings , I thought to myself . Nancy , Chris , and Grant arrived at Dad 's house at about the time that the detectives were calling me . I must have called Janet and Walter , John and Cheryl , Barbara and George , but I don 't remember doing so . Frank came home sometime in the late afternoon and I told him . I am sure I was crying , but I don 't remember . I texted my friends . I called the store and told Emery that they had probably found my father , and I wouldn 't be coming in on Wednesday after all . Janet and Wally are due in from Maryland at about noon . I have to make some calls before I leave . I 'll be on the 9 : 47AM LIRR to Penn , and pick up the 10 : 37 NJT train to Roselle Park . That will get me to Jersey at about twenty past eleven . I 'll have the chance to get a couple of things done here before I leave , and to get a couple of things done at Dad 's before Janet and Wally arrive . I call the UCPD . The dispatcher recognizes my voice . I ask to speak to the desk sergeant . I verify that the new platoon has my dad 's photo . I tell them we are continuing our search today , and that I need to speak to the detectives when they come in . I can 't listen . I love her , and would have spared her this news if I didn 't feel I had to prepare her for a bad outcome . But , I have my own burden of fear to carry , and it is heavy enough . I detach myself carefully , tell her I have to leave for New Jersey to continue the search , and promise to keep her informed . George and Glenn are waiting for me at Roselle Park . As we edge out of the parking lot , I look at each of them and ask if they mind if I speak very freely . They both nod for me to go ahead . " I think that if we find Dad , we won 't find him alive . We may not ever find him at all . He 's been gone too long . " Glenn says that he didn 't want to be the first one to say that , but he agrees . So does George . They are both relieved that I have said this out loud . I ask George if he thinks Barbara and Alyssa are preparing themselves . He isn 't sure . I tell him about my conversation with Barb in the A & P parking lot on Sunday , when I asked about Alyssa . We get to Dad 's and open up the windows to air it out . The weather 's been beautiful since Dad disappeared ; there was only a brief shower on Saturday , late afternoon ; otherwise , it 's been sunny and not too hot . Glenn 's been taking care of the mail over the weekend , not letting it pile up on the porch . The neighbors all know about Dad , and have walked the woods and the neighborhood themselves . Ron , the neighbor across the street , tells us about a shelter in Elizabeth ; maybe Dad is there . George 's neighbor Joanne had mentioned one too . Both places were on the list that Nancy and Janet have been calling all weekend . None of the neighbors , or the shopkeepers , or the cemetery workers saw him Friday morning . It 's like Dad walked out of his door and into thin air . I have been playing phone tag with the detectives through the day . Finally , I get to speak to them briefly . They give me their direct dial numbers and email addresses . I talk to them about where we looked for Dad over the weekend . Detective George Moutis told me that everywhere he and his partner , Detective Ken Elliot , canvassed , we had already covered . He and his crew had seen scores of our flyers all over Union . And they had fewer leads than we did - they had no sightings at all . They hadn 't come across even one person who had seen Dad on Friday , or since . Janet and Walter are going back to Maryland in the morning ; Nancy , Chris and Grant will be up in the early afternoon . Barbara is at work , and Alyssa is at school . John is flying in on Thursday . I am going home to rest for a day , and go back to work on Wednesday , unless of course Dad is found . When I get home , I tell Frank about what the day has held . We eat our dinner , watch a movie or some South Park episodes ( I don 't remember , and I think I fell asleep ) . Before bed , I email the detectives ' contact information to all the sibs and spouses . I am up by 6AM . Dad has been missing for forty - six hours . I take my shower , check my email and begin with my plan for the day . I spend the early morning tracking down local media outlets - broadcast and cable television , radio , newspapers - and emailing them flyers . By 9AM I have contacted local channels 2 , 4 , 5 , 7 , 9 , 11 and NJ 12 ( who said they needed a press release from the police - that will be my first thing Monday morning , if we haven 't found him by then ) . I contact the NY Post and the NY Daily News . I don 't bother with the Times because this is happening in Jersey and they won 't care . If he is still missing tomorrow , I will also hit the local New Jersey newspapers - I can look them up and get their contact information when I get back tonight . A bit past 9AM , I talk to the dispatch officer at the police station at the beginning of the day shift . The new platoon is out with pictures of Dad in their cars . My mom 's best friend Thea has made the same arrangements at the 110th Precinct in Corona , just in case Dad ( somehow ) did make there . It is looking less and less like a realistic scenario , but we all feel the need to cover all the bases . If I thought he could come up with the idea of flying somewhere , I 'd have posted at the airports too . I just want to find him . All the sibs have the flyer in their email inboxes , and all the sibs are forwarding it to their address books with instructions to pass it on . All of us on Facebook have forwarded the page I created last night . Alyssa made up her own page , using the same layout , and called it Help Me Find My Grandfather . She forwarded the link to all of her Facebook friends and they are in turn forwarding it to theirs . The page has over a hundred " likes " already , most of them Alyssa 's friends in Union . John and Cheryl are tweeting it on Twitter , Barbara is posting it on her fitness boards . Barb emailed me first thing this morning that she 'd had a dream that their cat Dallas was missing . She said she found her on the side of Dad 's house , alive , buried in some snow . Barbara says she is going to look by the side of Dad 's house this morning , again , just in case . At this point , we know that if Dad hasn 't been taken into an ER or shelter by someone , his mobility will be limited , he will be exhausted , hungry , dehydrated , off his meds for more than forty - eight hours . Our best hope for finding him is that he is resting somewhere - a park bench , bleachers , a shady spot under a tree . We covered that ground yesterday and will do it again today . We 're going to visit some of the same places , in case there are new people there who don 't know about Dad . Before I leave , I email Nancy and ask her to find email addresses for Our Lady of Sorrows and P . S . 19 in Corona , and send them the flyer with a note . I ask her to get email addresses for the hospitals and shelters on her call list , and send them the flyer . Everyone at these places is aware that we are looking for Dad ; it will help keep him in the front of their mind if they have a picture to refer to , and the knowledge that there is a family who desperately wants to find him . Barbara offers to fax the flyers from work to any place that doesn 't have an email address . The guy at reception today is the same guy who was there yesterday , and he still hasn 't seen Dad and there have been no John Does admitted . Our flyer is posted on the wall behind the desk , behind the thick Plexiglas window that separates him from me . I use the hospital rest room and go back out to the car . George takes me back to his house , where he and Glenn are working replacing a faucet , and Barb , Alyssa and I leave in Barb 's car . At 2 : 02 PM , my cell rings . It 's George . Patty from Café Z thinks she saw Dad near the Lowe 's on Morris Avenue in Union . It 's two miles from his house , but Dad has walked that far in good weather many times . George and Glenn each get into their cars and separately approach the location Patty described from opposite sides of Morris Avenue . They don 't want to miss him . Walter calls me at 2 : 08 and I tell him about the sighting . I am talking with both him and Janet when Glenn calls me . I switch to Glenn 's call . George is coming up in the other direction , sees Glenn 's car , sees the old man , sees it 's not Dad . They go to Café Z to tell Patty , and to thank her . It 's the only real glimmer of hope we 've had in fifty - four hours . They go back to the house , deflated . I take the 10 : 03AM from Murray Hill to Penn . I bring an extra $ 50 and the Capital One credit card statement so I can stop at the bank at the corner of 7th Avenue and 33rd Street in between trains . The NJT train won 't leave until 11 : 07AM anyway . That 'll give me almost half an hour to cross the street and pay the bill on its due date . It 'll also add the slightest semblance of normalcy to my increasingly surreal situation . When I get to Penn , I go to the NJT ticket machines and get two off - peak round trips ( I can always use them , is my very practical thought ) . I go up the escalator , turn left and walk to the Capital One on the next corner . It is empty at 10 : 35AM . There is one teller on , and no line . I pass the statement and my fifty - dollar bill under the bulletproof glass . She takes the statement and the money , inputs the account information , completes my transaction , and slides me my receipt . We go back to Dad 's , so I can walk around the house myself . I just want to see for myself how he left things . I know this is not logical , because since Dad left , Vee has been here , Glenn has been here , the policemen have been here , detectives have been here , George and Barbara and Alyssa have been here , and maybe some other people , too . We leave Dad 's , grab a quick bite at Galloping Hill , go back to George and Barbara 's house , and go over what 's been done so far . They walked the woods by the house yesterday , and again today . They walked the woods by Washington School again this morning . They 've been driving around the neighborhood . Barb thought she saw Dad when she was out driving and looking . It was about 7AM . She was driving up by Union Station , on Morris Avenue , when she saw an elderly man walking . She slowed down , and took a good look . She couldn 't really tell ; he had his hat pulled down , and he wasn 't facing her . The man 's clothing was similar … . could it be Dad ? She got out of the car , and went up to him , looked at his face , closely . I 'd brought my staple gun and packaging tape with me from home . We have to make a flyer for posting . I ask Barb if I can use her computer . I go downstairs to work . I remember that Alyssa has recent pictures of Dad on her Facebook page - she and Dad visited the cemetery right after one of the huge snowstorms this past winter , and I know that there are a couple of full - face ones . I right - click copy the one where he and Alyssa are looking right at the camera , paste it into an image editor , and crop Alyssa out . I close in on his face and center it . I type my text , fine - tune the spacing and size of the text so it can be easily read from a passing car , and print out about a hundred of them . The first place we visit is the cemetery . We post a flyer on the tree by Mom 's grave and ask her to watch over Dad , and to please help us . We know that if he can be helped , she will see to it . We go to the office and speak to the manager ; he knows my dad . He has seen Dad visit Mom 's grave every day in every kind of weather . He says all the groundskeepers know who Dad is , too . He asks the ones on duty if they saw him . No one can remember if he was there yesterday or not . He promises to keep an eye out . I give him some flyers , and ask his permission to post some more around the cemetery . He agrees . I look back at him over my shoulder on my way out , and I catch the unguarded sadness on his face . We visit every park , every local body of water ( dementia patients are attracted to bodies of water , I had read somewhere , sometime ) every doctor 's office , school and playground that Alyssa ever went to with Mom and Dad , posting flyers . We go to Town Hall ( post , outside and in ) , to the library ( post on the bulletin board and on trees in the parking lot ) , up to Café Z to tell Patty , the owner , and leave her some flyers and our cell phone numbers . She knows Dad well - we 've had our family Thanksgiving dinners there since the year Mom died . We drive up and down endless streets , posting . We leave flyers with whomever we speak with in Union . We post more . In Westfield . In Kenilworth . In Cranford . In Garwood . The first time Dad went for a walk where the cops brought him home , they found him up by Saint Demetrios , almost three miles from his house , a few blocks away from the precinct house . That was almost three months ago , in late March . Two patrolmen just starting their midday shift saw an elderly man who seemed confused and went up to him and asked him if he was okay . He couldn 't figure out where he was , but he knew who he was and where he lived , so they took him home and called Barb at work . At about 2PM , George left a voice mail on my cell to let me know what had happened , and that he had sent Glenn over to Dad 's to look in on him and make sure he was all right . I called Dad as soon as I picked up the voice mail , but only got the answering machine ( with my mother 's voice on the outgoing message ; we 'd never changed it ) . I called Barb , and we tried to figure it out ; we thought that Dad must have been on his way to the cemetery , which meant he was walking for about four hours , if he followed his habit of leaving the house at around 8AM . He had probably just continued on Chestnut Street instead of taking the left fork on to Galloping Hill , at the Five Points intersection where Galloping Hill Road and Chestnut cross the end of Salem Road . He was found all the way up on Rahway Avenue , past the entrance to the Garden State , past the turnoff on to Stuyvesant and Cioffi 's , almost as far from the house as Alyssa 's high school and Café Z . We drive and walk and post flyers for a few more hours , all over Union . By Dad 's house . Around the corners , both ways . On Salem Road . On Chestnut Street , by his bank and the vegetable store where he buys his bananas and the Dunkin Donuts . By Eisenstat 's office on Galloping Hill Road . I am finally exhausted , and George drives me to the station so I can go home . We post flyers all along Chestnut Street as we go . Tomorrow , we will do this again . Tagscaregiving , Come to Me , Duty , elderly parents , faith , family , father , friends , grief , home , hope , joy , loss , love , Matthew 11 : 28 , mercy , missing , Missing Dad , missing persons , parents , patience , prayer , responsibility , search , search dogs , siblings , strength , trust The police meet Vee and Glenn at Dad 's house . They call me for details about Dad and where he would be likely to go . They want to know where he shops , where he banks , if he has friends he liked to see , who his doctor and dentist are , which area schools are the ones Alyssa has attended ( since he had shown up at her elementary school in his pajamas just eight days before ) , what church he attends , and anything else that might help . I have to leave soon , to go to work ; I am the manager - in - training at the Papyrus flagship store on Broadway and 76th Street in Manhattan . I am scheduled for noon until closing , which means I need to be on the 10 : 33 train . I would call out if we weren 't so short - staffed . As it is , our full - time keyholder , Mary , will be alone until I get there . Emery has a travel day and is going to be at both of his other stores giving performance reviews . Jacque isn 't scheduled until four , and since her review is supposed to be at the Columbus Avenue store , she probably isn 't even going to get to Broadway until almost five . If I call out , Mary will be alone either until Jacque comes in , or until Emery can get there . That just won 't work - that store is just too busy , and cannot run with only one person on the floor for six hours - is there anybody else who can cover me on short notice ? No . ( So , what would happen if I got hit by a truck on the way there ? Would they find someone then ? ) I 've managed the floor by myself for hours , or worked a thirteen - hour open - to - close shift when staff calls out or just doesn 't show up ; that 's precisely why I don 't do that to other people . Not even today , with this good a reason . I call Mary on my way to the train to tell her my father is missing . She said , " Oh , did they find him ? " I said , NO , HE IS MISSING . No one knows where he is . I get to Penn before eleven . I have no news from anyone . I have enough time to try to find a charger for my phone . I hadn 't charged it the night before and I 've been on it almost the whole morning . I take the local to 79th Street , stop at the T - Mobile store to see if I can find what I need . No dice - the sales associate practically laughs at my three - year - old no - frills Samsung . I try the electronics store across the street . They don 't have one either , but I do replace my broken watchstrap with a new black leather one . I never bring my cellphone on to the sales floor , but I make an exception this day . I am fielding texts from my sisters asking if there is any news , while I am emailing back and forth with my district manager and Corporate about a man who had attempted to make a fraudulent return in our store . In between , I am ringing up Father 's Day cards for customers . Frank checks in with me a couple of times , to see if I 've heard anything , to hear how I sound . He knows me better than anyone else on God 's green earth . He can pick things up in my voice that even I don 't know are there . Such are the blessings of a long - term happy marriage . " I haven 't heard anything from anyone . I 'm going to Port Authority after work , in case Dad got on a bus . " ( I 'm scared and I don 't know what else to do . ) " No news . Yes , thank you for offering , please come and close the store with Jacque . I don 't know where my father is , and I don 't know what is happening . " I grab a cab on Broadway , and I call home from my cell as the cab makes its way downtown . I am going to Port Authority on the small chance that somehow , my dad tried to come to see me in New York . Maybe he waited at our old bus stop , got on the 113S bus , got out at Port Authority and … . what ? Did I really think he could find his way to the 7 train , go to Corona , or to Flushing ? No , I didn 't . But in case he did , I need to tell the cops to be on the lookout . I hear the worry in my husband 's voice . I have to do this anyway . My mind 's ear hears him saying , " Come home now " when what he is really saying out loud is good luck , be careful . The cabdriver has overheard my conversation , and asks me if I am okay . I tell him my dad disappeared that morning and has been missing all day . I tell him why I am going to Port Authority . He asks me my father 's name so he can keep him in his prayers . We take the turn east on to 42nd Street , past Holy Cross Church , and at the southwest corner of 8th Avenue , he lets me out . I find the police station in the terminal . I speak to the desk sergeant , who asks me to take a seat and wait for the officer who will help me . She is very understanding and kind - she has heard this story before ( but it was never my story before ) . I give her a description of my father . I pull out the wallet - sized studio photo of my whole family that my brother had set up for Dad 's 80th birthday . She photocopies it . When she comes back , I tell her that the day we took the photo was the first time in twelve years that we had all been under the same roof . The only other picture I have of Dad in my wallet is the one from December 1972 , with him and Frank and me all dressed up for a gala dinner dance celebrating Our Lady of Sorrows ' 100th anniversary . In that picture , Dad is five years younger than I am now . I call my mom 's best friend , Thea , as I am leaving the police station - she works at the 110th Precinct in Corona , our old neighborhood . She still lives next door to the house I grew up in , on 42nd Avenue . She will put the word out at the 110 , just in case Dad somehow finds his way " home " to Corona . As soon as her husband hears the news about my dad , he takes a folding chair downstairs and sets it up in front of his building . He will wait there until about midnight , until he is exhausted and has to go upstairs to sleep . He is determined that , if my father comes walking down 42nd Avenue , he will intercept him and return him safely to Union , New Jersey . I won 't find this out for a while yet , but throughout the day , Frank has been trying to find ways to help me . Friday is one of his days at NYU 's School of Medicine , where he is the computer tech for a research group in the Psychiatry department . He has been asking the doctors who work there how he can best help me through whatever is coming . On his way home from work that Friday , he goes up to a police officer and tells him about my missing dad . The cop gives him an outline of what to expect and when , if Dad isn 't found on the first day . Frank is taking the long view ; he already knows that if Dad isn 't found before nightfall , the outcome is unlikely to be positive . When I get to Penn , I stop into the police station on the Long Island Railroad concourse , and tell them my story . They are very kind and , as the Port Authority police did , they take down my information . I get on the 7 : 49 Port Washington train to go home . I get in at about twenty past eight . Frank has dinner waiting for me , keeping warm on the stove . I eat , we talk . Unless we hear something tonight or early tomorrow , I will go to New Jersey in the morning to search for Dad . I will be with Barbara , George , and Alyssa . They , and Glenn , and Alyssa 's boyfriend Kevin have walked the woods by the house and near the Washington School several times already to see if they can find any sign at all of Dad . After dinner , I turn on my computer . All of us sibs and spouses discuss next steps by email . Nancy and her husband , Chris , are thinking of coming up , but I think it 's better if they stay in Maryland for the time being . Their eleven - year - old son , Grant , still has another week or so of school . Nancy and Janet ( who lives two doors down from her , with her husband Walter and their four cats ) can make calls from home - they will call hospitals , senior centers , homeless shelters , soup kitchens , urgent care centers , clinics , and any other place they can think of to see if there are any John Does matching Dad 's description . My 88 year old dad wandered off from his home and has been missing since 8AM Friday morning . He was gone when his morning caregiver arrived . Our extended family and friends and the Union County police are looking for him . I visited the station at Port Authority and talked to the PA police ( just in case he got on a bus , but I doubt it ) . I notified a friend of mine who works in our old home precinct in Corona ( just in case he tries to go back " home " ) . My father has been missing for more than sixteen hours . It 's dark out . He is almost always cold , even on hot summer days . I try not to think about this . I do not succeed . Sometime between dawn and eight AM on Friday the eleventh of June , Tony Karabaic left his home to take a walk . He locked the inside door and the porch door . He didn 't set the alarm because sometimes he would forget how to make it stop . He walked down Huntington , made a left at the corner of Livingston , and walked down past Forest Drive to the shortcut path through the woods to Salem Road . At 8 : 10 that same morning , his morning caregiver , Vee the RN , arrived . She rang the bell ; no answer . She took out her key and let herself in . She stood in the living room and called his name ; no answer . He was hard of hearing ; maybe he just didn 't hear her . His tan corduroy recliner - its worn fringed throw flung haphazardly over it - was empty . The piles of papers on the coffee table were in the same places they were in yesterday . Nothing seemed to be disturbed . There was no radio on - maybe he wasn 't at home ? She would have to look . She walked into the dining room . His pajamas were draped over the back of a dining chair . That was good - the last time he went out for an early morning walk , he was wearing his pajamas and slippers . Vee went into the kitchen . No dishes in the sink or on the table , but the bowl and glass were in the dish drainer . Had he eaten his breakfast ? Where was he ? She glanced over to the kitchen table , to see if his pills were in the gold glass ashtray on the table . There were a couple left in there - she looked to see which ones they were . Good - the afternoon and evening doses of Sinemet , his Parkinson 's med . The morning dose , the Xalatan , and the Felodipine were gone . She walked out of the kitchen to check the small bedroom , where his granddaughter Alyssa 's toys and drawings were . The high - riser bed was made up , with its hand - crocheted afghan neatly tucked beneath the foam bunker cushions , the little stuffed cats and bears neatly arranged atop them . He sometimes took a nap here later in the day , but this bed hadn 't been slept on lately . He was nowhere to be seen . Vee went back into the living room , and up the stairs . She turned left at the top of the stairs , to look in his bedroom . The room reminded her of a monk 's cell , with its spartan twin bed , simple chest , and holy pictures on the wall . The bedsheets and blankets were rumpled ; the room bore the warm , heavy scent of sleep . Okay , it looked like he had spent the night here - that was something . She went into the master bedroom , where his late wife , Georgia , used to sleep . There were papers and envelopes neatly arranged on the white chenille bedspread , but no Tony . She looked in the little office . She looked in the extra bedroom where his kids slept when they stayed for the weekend . She entered the bathroom , pulled the shower curtain aside , checked the bathtub . She went down to the basement . Those stairs were so treacherous . She walked around , both hoping to find him , and hoping not to . But he wasn 't there . The clothes he had worn the day before were also on the dining room chairs . That was another good sign . That meant he definitely hadn 't left last night - Vee had probably just missed him . Maybe he went to the store . He liked bananas , and he 'd eaten his last brown one yesterday . She went back outside to see if he was in the yard . The car was still there , but that was because the battery had died two months ago , and his children had not wanted to replace it . No one wanted him to drive anymore . She 'd heard that they 'd already talked to him about selling the car to Alyssa 's boyfriend . Vee couldn 't get into the garage , but she knocked hard on the door , and then listened to see if she could hear anything inside . Nothing . Barbara had been through something just like this with Dad the week before . In the early morning of June 2nd , he showed up at Alyssa 's old school in his pajamas and slippers . The cops had brought him back home . Vee and Glenn drove for about a half hour , crisscrossing Union . They went to the cemetery - always the first choice . Until recently , no matter what the weather was , he visited Mom 's grave every single day . It had been almost five years . As soon as she got Vee 's text , Barb emailed me that Dad was missing from the house and that Vee and Glenn were out looking . Just before I saw this in my inbox , my husband Frank came into my studio to say we 'd had a missed call from a 908 number . I figured it had to be Vee checking in , so I called her , and that 's how I found out Dad was on the move and no one knew where . It was around nine when I called them - they had been so helpful the other three times this had happened - the policemen had found him and brought him home before any one of us ever knew he was lost . The UCPD dispatcher told me they would send someone to the house . I called Vee , and Glenn , and they went back to Dad 's to meet the cops . I get up at 5AM to get into the shower and be ready to go with Jannie and Wally by 7 . Before I get into the shower , I check the answering machine - no messages . Good . The first is a doctor from East Orange General , telling me that my mother has had a major stroke during the night . He is sorry to say that there is no brain activity and that her body probably won 't live through the day . The second is Wally who has heard the news and is asking me when we should tell Dad . The third is George who has also heard and wants to know what to do . Frank awakens , and comes out of the bedroom as I am getting ready to leave . I tell him what is happening . I have to go , now , to get to the hospital with Janet and Walter . They will be here in a few minutes . I take the phone number of the client Frank will be working with today , at Cryder House , in Whitestone . There is nothing he can do , so I think he should carry on with his day . I will let him know what is happening . I take my overnight bag with a change of clothes , just in case I need to stay in Jersey . My brother is coming back from Ohio . Nancy , Chris , and Grant are back on the road north to New Jersey , having arrived in Maryland a scant few hours earlier . I am on the road with Walter ( driving ) and Janet ( riding shotgun ) . We pull into the parking lot at East Orange General . I don 't know how , but John is already here . Janet , Walter and I meet him in the hallway . We all hug and kiss hello , and make our way to the ICU . John is crying . We are numb . Barb , George , Alyssa and Dad are already there . Dad is distraught . The neurologist enters , introduces herself to all of us , looks for the person she should talk to . She takes me aside . I tell her I have Mom 's health care proxy , and I know her wishes , which are " no extraordinary measures " . She asks me if my father grasps the seriousness of what happened , that my mother / his wife is being kept alive only by the machines . I tell her he might comprehend it if she tells him , but that he is unlikely to accept it from me without her saying it first . Dad has a real respect for medical authority ( we will use this later on to help him ) . All of us are in a knot around the doctor . I hold Dad 's hand as she tells him . He looks at me , questioning what he has heard . I tell him Mom is gone , only her body is still here . He doesn 't know what to do next . We speak about what Mom said she wanted , if this situation ever occurred . Mom wanted us to just let go . " Let 's wait , " he says . He doesn 't want to turn anything off ; he wants to give her a chance . Nothing needs to be done right now , so we will wait . There are tears , lots of them , a priest named Father Mitch , wooden rosary beads , a wonderful nurse named Beth . My two best friends in the world are named Mitch and Beth . I feel that this is a sign , that the priest and the nurse are God 's own angels sent to help ease my way into this new and awful motherless world that I am about to enter . We have Father Mitch give Mom last rites , even though she is Greek Orthodox , and he is a Catholic priest . This comforts us all . I keep the rosary beads in my hand . ( To this day , I carry them in my purse , everywhere I go . ) Despite my earlier reservations about East Orange General , the ICU staff is as good as any hospital staff I have ever seen , in real life or on television . They are sensitive , they are caring . They do their best to make Mom comfortable , and to comfort us . I wish these had been the people taking care of her at Kessler next door . My mother 's face is gray . Her skin is totally relaxed , softly sagging from her cheekbones . She has a thin stream of black fluid trickling from the right side of her mouth . There is a tube in the left side of her mouth . She is no longer in any pain . I take a white cloth and gently pat away the black fluid , but it keeps trickling . I am on the window side of the bed . Alyssa is on a chair at Mom 's left side . I ask her if she 's scared . She 's only twelve and a half years old ; I think she 's a bit young to sit through this . Even my sisters , her aunts , have a hard time looking at our mother like this . We sit in the room , the wooden rosary beads from Father Mitch in my hand . I haven 't said a rosary in years , but the nuns at Our Lady of Sorrows taught me well . I only leave my mother 's bedside to use the bathroom , or if Nurse Beth asks me to leave for a moment so she can tend to one thing or another in the room . I look out the window , down to the street . There is a truck out there with the name " Angelica " on its side . My mother 's mother 's name was Angelina . I see this as a sign that she is close by , waiting for her daughter . At one point - I 'm not sure how long after the others left with Dad - I am alone in the room with Mom and the endless beeping . I am holding her hand . I bring my face close to hers and whisper . " It 's okay . You can go now , if you want . Dad will be fine , we will be fine . I love you . You can leave . Don 't worry . " We call the others . They pull off to the side of the Garden State Parkway . We tell John , Barb , Chris , Walter , George . We don 't tell Dad . We will tell him when he gets here . He holds his forehead , shock and grief etched on his face . His eyes , wild and full of tears ; he says " Claud , you kids … please don 't leave me . Don 't leave me alone . " At first , I thought he meant he didn 't want to sleep alone in the house that night . He had a houseful of family ; he wouldn 't be alone . I realize later what he really meant ; he is afraid that he will be alone now that Mom is gone , that we kids will leave him to his own devices , that it was our mother who was the center of all things and that now he will lose us , as he had lost her . Share this : Share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Skype ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Tumblr ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on WhatsApp ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pocket ( Opens in new window ) Click to email ( Opens in new window ) Click to print ( Opens in new window ) Like this : Like Loading . . . June 15th ~ FOUND . 15 That day is a blur ; it was supposed to be my day of rest , after going out to Union to search for Dad on Saturday , Sunday , Monday . I had set Wednesday as my return to work , if we didn 't find him . I had very mixed feelings about going back to work . I couldn 't stay out indefinitely ; what if we never find him ? Sometimes , people who go missing are never , ever found . They just disappear without a trace . How does a person just disappear ? The laws of physics tell us that matter cannot be created or destroyed in a closed system ; therefore , he can 't just be gone . He is somewhere in the Escheresque universe in which I 've been living since 8 : 40 Friday morning ; I just can 't find my way to him . The angles are all wrong , they are impossible , incomprehensible . I 've been saying : " My dad is missing " . I could just as easily say : " I 'm missing my Dad " and mean it in all its double - entendred glory ; he 's missing ; I miss him ; oops , have I missed him ? What am I missing ? When someone goes missing , what happens to the people who are missing them ? What do they do ? Do they return to their jobs ? Do they shop for groceries on the way home from work ? Do they still buy Metrocards , and make sure that there 's milk in the refrigerator for breakfast the next morning ? Do they plan their meals for the coming week ? What about the laundry ? Do they carry on , do they do all of these things , all the while waiting for a call from the police or the FBI or a hospital or a morgue that their loved one or their loved one 's body has been found ? Or do they simply sit still ? Do they wait by the telephone , or stake out a spot in front of the computer , searching , researching , unable to move ? Do they take their cellphones into the shower ? Do they take showers ? Whatever I am doing , I feel like I should be doing something else instead . What if I 'm doing the wrong things , and that 's why I can 't find the right angle ? Is my approach all wrong ? I 've never known anyone else who had this happen . I have no experts to consult . I need a roadmap for this terra incognita where we are marooned . My plan for Tuesday was to talk to the detectives in the morning and get them to set the bloodhounds looking for my father . We were in Day 5 ; Dad had been missing for ninety - six hours ( I had decided that , when we got to one hundred hours , I would switch to counting days ) . Frank and I awoke to the alarm , took our showers , ate our breakfast , drank our coffee , shared the New York Times , watched Weather Channel , just like we do every day . It was all so nice and normal . I turned on my computer to check email . I had messages from my friend Janice asking if there 'd been any word ( no ) ; from my friend Peg , who pointed out how easily the elderly become invisible to the rest of us , allowing as how if Dad had gone out in his pajamas , someone might remember having seen him ( he had done that already , the week before ) ; from Nancy , letting us know that she , Chris and Grant would be in New Jersey by around 2 that afternoon . She added that Chris suggested that one way to get Dad back would be to buy and install an air conditioner in his dining room ( Dad was legendarily spartan about heating and cooling ) . The search had become its own creature , apart from Dad ; Dad and the search for Dad were two separate beings . There had been moments when I felt we were searching just for the sake of doing something . It wasn 't that I thought our efforts were useless or hopeless ; there was a small ( and shrinking ) part of me that thought we might yet find him , and find him alive . Surely there was a reasonable explanation for him being missing ; the Laws of the Conservation of Matter decreed that he was still somewhere in the known universe . Since Friday , I had been dealing with the unknowingness of my situation by trying to control those things I could . To be effective , to move forward , I had to be dispassionate about the alternatives that lay before us . I had to be on task , I had to manage time well , I had to ruthlessly prioritize . It was like managing the store ( people / product / operations ) , except this really was life and death . I wasn 't alone ; I had lots of help , all the help I could ask for ; my husband , my siblings and sibs - in - law , their children , our friends were living through this with me ; but I felt so terribly alone . Okay , so the detectives would have dogs and helicopters … Det . Moutis said that we should register for a Silver Alert . I said I 'd set it up if he sent me a link . Monday night , when I got home from New Jersey , before we had dinner , Frank and I were talking about places that George and Barbara and Alyssa and Kevin and Glenn and the neighbors and I couldn 't get into to search on our own . Frank had made a list of the kinds of places that should be searched ; abandoned buildings within a reasonable radius ; houses that had been foreclosed upon , and were vacant ; garages , sheds , outbuildings , even on occupied properties - we 'd had a cat years ago who had gotten locked in a neighbor 's garage by accident , and he 'd been missing for three days before the neighbor returned , opened the garage , and out came our Patch . Maybe Dad crawled into or under an abandoned car in a foreclosed garage and has been unable to get out and come home . Maybe he fell through a rotted floor in a vacant , derelict house . Maybe he got lost again , and went into a house that he thought was his , except it was empty , and now he thought we had sold all of his things or that he had lost the house to taxes . When we had his income taxes done earlier that spring , he got confused , and thought the new accountant was there to take his house away . Maybe he was looking for Mom . My email to Det . Moutis crossed with his email to me giving me the web address for setting up a Silver Alert . I should have guessed it - www . silveralert . org - and I can 't remember now why I couldn 't . I registered my dad for the Silver Alert and uploaded the picture that we 'd used on his flyers . I emailed the link to Det . Moutis and all my sibs with the login and password . For some reason - and I don 't know if it still works this way - the login and password were only good for an hour , and I had to re - log - in and re - upload his picture once the hour was up . I called my contact at Union 's Channel 12 to give her Dad 's information and the Facebook page URLs so she could do a screengrab of the flyer . I promised to follow up with a flyer by email , in case the screengrab wasn 't sufficiently clear . Lexi promised to get the information on the air that day . Janet and Wally were at Dad 's , getting ready to leave for Maryland , since Nancy was coming up . Someone had to be in Maryland to take care of the total of five cats and one dog between the two households , so Janet and Nancy tag - teamed . I think that George and Barbara were both back at work - it 's so hard to remember now , and my cell phone and text records aren 't clear . Alyssa had finals coming up , so she was back in school . John was planning to arrive on Thursday . Maybe we 'd find Dad by then . The detectives had arrived , with the bloodhound and his handler from the Essex County Canine Unit . It was mid - day . They 'd had to wait for the bloodhound to come from the next county , because Union County didn 't have one of their own . The handler , wearing latex gloves , took my father 's old worn pajamas outside , and spread the top and bottom out on the lawn in front of Dad 's house . ( The image I conjured for myself of my father 's nightclothes spread out on the lush grass is indelibly imprinted on my mind 's eye . ) The handler wears gloves so that he doesn 't transfer his own scent particles to the scent article . I am in my living room . I am waiting , too . I text Glenn ( not wanting to tie up the phone ) ; he has heard nothing , and is getting anxious . They have not been gone long . The bloodhound veered left at the head of the path , into the woods , without hesitation . They went deep , deeper , following my father 's scent , over brambles , and weeds , and thickets of vines , into the heavy brush . They found him lying on the ground . He said it would have been impossible to find him without the bloodhound . The brush and tangles of vines and weeds were more than two feet high ; Dad had sat down on a log , taken off his shoes , and either lay down or fell back . He was on the ground , his glasses and tan hat were off to the side , his watch still on his wrist . He was clothed except for his shoes , which were on the ground next to the log . They would have to confirm his identity with dental records . He had been out in the elements for more than one hundred hours . The coroner would later say that he had almost certainly died the first day . That would account for the lack of sightings , I thought to myself . Nancy , Chris , and Grant arrived at Dad 's house at about the time that the detectives were calling me . I must have called Janet and Walter , John and Cheryl , Barbara and George , but I don 't remember doing so . Frank came home sometime in the late afternoon and I told him . I am sure I was crying , but I don 't remember . I texted my friends . I called the store and told Emery that they had probably found my father , and I wouldn 't be coming in on Wednesday after all . |
That day is a blur ; it was supposed to be my day of rest , after going out to Union to search for Dad on Saturday , Sunday , Monday . I had set Wednesday as my return to work , if we didn 't find him . I had very mixed feelings about going back to work . I couldn 't stay out indefinitely ; what if we never find him ? Sometimes , people who go missing are never , ever found . They just disappear without a trace . How does a person just disappear ? The laws of physics tell us that matter cannot be created or destroyed in a closed system ; therefore , he can 't just be gone . He is somewhere in the Escheresque universe in which I 've been living since 8 : 40 Friday morning ; I just can 't find my way to him . The angles are all wrong , they are impossible , incomprehensible . I 've been saying : " My dad is missing " . I could just as easily say : " I 'm missing my Dad " and mean it in all its double - entendred glory ; he 's missing ; I miss him ; oops , have I missed him ? What am I missing ? When someone goes missing , what happens to the people who are missing them ? What do they do ? Do they return to their jobs ? Do they shop for groceries on the way home from work ? Do they still buy Metrocards , and make sure that there 's milk in the refrigerator for breakfast the next morning ? Do they plan their meals for the coming week ? What about the laundry ? Do they carry on , do they do all of these things , all the while waiting for a call from the police or the FBI or a hospital or a morgue that their loved one or their loved one 's body has been found ? Or do they simply sit still ? Do they wait by the telephone , or stake out a spot in front of the computer , searching , researching , unable to move ? Do they take their cellphones into the shower ? Do they take showers ? Whatever I am doing , I feel like I should be doing something else instead . What if I 'm doing the wrong things , and that 's why I can 't find the right angle ? Is my approach all wrong ? I 've never known anyone else who had this happen . I have no experts to consult . I need a roadmap for this terra incognita where we are marooned . My plan for Tuesday was to talk to the detectives in the morning and get them to set the bloodhounds looking for my father . We were in Day 5 ; Dad had been missing for ninety - six hours ( I had decided that , when we got to one hundred hours , I would switch to counting days ) . Frank and I awoke to the alarm , took our showers , ate our breakfast , drank our coffee , shared the New York Times , watched Weather Channel , just like we do every day . It was all so nice and normal . I turned on my computer to check email . I had messages from my friend Janice asking if there 'd been any word ( no ) ; from my friend Peg , who pointed out how easily the elderly become invisible to the rest of us , allowing as how if Dad had gone out in his pajamas , someone might remember having seen him ( he had done that already , the week before ) ; from Nancy , letting us know that she , Chris and Grant would be in New Jersey by around 2 that afternoon . She added that Chris suggested that one way to get Dad back would be to buy and install an air conditioner in his dining room ( Dad was legendarily spartan about heating and cooling ) . The search had become its own creature , apart from Dad ; Dad and the search for Dad were two separate beings . There had been moments when I felt we were searching just for the sake of doing something . It wasn 't that I thought our efforts were useless or hopeless ; there was a small ( and shrinking ) part of me that thought we might yet find him , and find him alive . Surely there was a reasonable explanation for him being missing ; the Laws of the Conservation of Matter decreed that he was still somewhere in the known universe . Since Friday , I had been dealing with the unknowingness of my situation by trying to control those things I could . To be effective , to move forward , I had to be dispassionate about the alternatives that lay before us . I had to be on task , I had to manage time well , I had to ruthlessly prioritize . It was like managing the store ( people / product / operations ) , except this really was life and death . I wasn 't alone ; I had lots of help , all the help I could ask for ; my husband , my siblings and sibs - in - law , their children , our friends were living through this with me ; but I felt so terribly alone . Okay , so the detectives would have dogs and helicopters … Det . Moutis said that we should register for a Silver Alert . I said I 'd set it up if he sent me a link . Monday night , when I got home from New Jersey , before we had dinner , Frank and I were talking about places that George and Barbara and Alyssa and Kevin and Glenn and the neighbors and I couldn 't get into to search on our own . Frank had made a list of the kinds of places that should be searched ; abandoned buildings within a reasonable radius ; houses that had been foreclosed upon , and were vacant ; garages , sheds , outbuildings , even on occupied properties - we 'd had a cat years ago who had gotten locked in a neighbor 's garage by accident , and he 'd been missing for three days before the neighbor returned , opened the garage , and out came our Patch . Maybe Dad crawled into or under an abandoned car in a foreclosed garage and has been unable to get out and come home . Maybe he fell through a rotted floor in a vacant , derelict house . Maybe he got lost again , and went into a house that he thought was his , except it was empty , and now he thought we had sold all of his things or that he had lost the house to taxes . When we had his income taxes done earlier that spring , he got confused , and thought the new accountant was there to take his house away . Maybe he was looking for Mom . My email to Det . Moutis crossed with his email to me giving me the web address for setting up a Silver Alert . I should have guessed it - www . silveralert . org - and I can 't remember now why I couldn 't . I registered my dad for the Silver Alert and uploaded the picture that we 'd used on his flyers . I emailed the link to Det . Moutis and all my sibs with the login and password . For some reason - and I don 't know if it still works this way - the login and password were only good for an hour , and I had to re - log - in and re - upload his picture once the hour was up . I called my contact at Union 's Channel 12 to give her Dad 's information and the Facebook page URLs so she could do a screengrab of the flyer . I promised to follow up with a flyer by email , in case the screengrab wasn 't sufficiently clear . Lexi promised to get the information on the air that day . Janet and Wally were at Dad 's , getting ready to leave for Maryland , since Nancy was coming up . Someone had to be in Maryland to take care of the total of five cats and one dog between the two households , so Janet and Nancy tag - teamed . I think that George and Barbara were both back at work - it 's so hard to remember now , and my cell phone and text records aren 't clear . Alyssa had finals coming up , so she was back in school . John was planning to arrive on Thursday . Maybe we 'd find Dad by then . The detectives had arrived , with the bloodhound and his handler from the Essex County Canine Unit . It was mid - day . They 'd had to wait for the bloodhound to come from the next county , because Union County didn 't have one of their own . The handler , wearing latex gloves , took my father 's old worn pajamas outside , and spread the top and bottom out on the lawn in front of Dad 's house . ( The image I conjured for myself of my father 's nightclothes spread out on the lush grass is indelibly imprinted on my mind 's eye . ) The handler wears gloves so that he doesn 't transfer his own scent particles to the scent article . I am in my living room . I am waiting , too . I text Glenn ( not wanting to tie up the phone ) ; he has heard nothing , and is getting anxious . They have not been gone long . The bloodhound veered left at the head of the path , into the woods , without hesitation . They went deep , deeper , following my father 's scent , over brambles , and weeds , and thickets of vines , into the heavy brush . They found him lying on the ground . He said it would have been impossible to find him without the bloodhound . The brush and tangles of vines and weeds were more than two feet high ; Dad had sat down on a log , taken off his shoes , and either lay down or fell back . He was on the ground , his glasses and tan hat were off to the side , his watch still on his wrist . He was clothed except for his shoes , which were on the ground next to the log . They would have to confirm his identity with dental records . He had been out in the elements for more than one hundred hours . The coroner would later say that he had almost certainly died the first day . That would account for the lack of sightings , I thought to myself . Nancy , Chris , and Grant arrived at Dad 's house at about the time that the detectives were calling me . I must have called Janet and Walter , John and Cheryl , Barbara and George , but I don 't remember doing so . Frank came home sometime in the late afternoon and I told him . I am sure I was crying , but I don 't remember . I texted my friends . I called the store and told Emery that they had probably found my father , and I wouldn 't be coming in on Wednesday after all . Janet and Wally are due in from Maryland at about noon . I have to make some calls before I leave . I 'll be on the 9 : 47AM LIRR to Penn , and pick up the 10 : 37 NJT train to Roselle Park . That will get me to Jersey at about twenty past eleven . I 'll have the chance to get a couple of things done here before I leave , and to get a couple of things done at Dad 's before Janet and Wally arrive . I call the UCPD . The dispatcher recognizes my voice . I ask to speak to the desk sergeant . I verify that the new platoon has my dad 's photo . I tell them we are continuing our search today , and that I need to speak to the detectives when they come in . I can 't listen . I love her , and would have spared her this news if I didn 't feel I had to prepare her for a bad outcome . But , I have my own burden of fear to carry , and it is heavy enough . I detach myself carefully , tell her I have to leave for New Jersey to continue the search , and promise to keep her informed . George and Glenn are waiting for me at Roselle Park . As we edge out of the parking lot , I look at each of them and ask if they mind if I speak very freely . They both nod for me to go ahead . " I think that if we find Dad , we won 't find him alive . We may not ever find him at all . He 's been gone too long . " Glenn says that he didn 't want to be the first one to say that , but he agrees . So does George . They are both relieved that I have said this out loud . I ask George if he thinks Barbara and Alyssa are preparing themselves . He isn 't sure . I tell him about my conversation with Barb in the A & P parking lot on Sunday , when I asked about Alyssa . We get to Dad 's and open up the windows to air it out . The weather 's been beautiful since Dad disappeared ; there was only a brief shower on Saturday , late afternoon ; otherwise , it 's been sunny and not too hot . Glenn 's been taking care of the mail over the weekend , not letting it pile up on the porch . The neighbors all know about Dad , and have walked the woods and the neighborhood themselves . Ron , the neighbor across the street , tells us about a shelter in Elizabeth ; maybe Dad is there . George 's neighbor Joanne had mentioned one too . Both places were on the list that Nancy and Janet have been calling all weekend . None of the neighbors , or the shopkeepers , or the cemetery workers saw him Friday morning . It 's like Dad walked out of his door and into thin air . I have been playing phone tag with the detectives through the day . Finally , I get to speak to them briefly . They give me their direct dial numbers and email addresses . I talk to them about where we looked for Dad over the weekend . Detective George Moutis told me that everywhere he and his partner , Detective Ken Elliot , canvassed , we had already covered . He and his crew had seen scores of our flyers all over Union . And they had fewer leads than we did - they had no sightings at all . They hadn 't come across even one person who had seen Dad on Friday , or since . Janet and Walter are going back to Maryland in the morning ; Nancy , Chris and Grant will be up in the early afternoon . Barbara is at work , and Alyssa is at school . John is flying in on Thursday . I am going home to rest for a day , and go back to work on Wednesday , unless of course Dad is found . When I get home , I tell Frank about what the day has held . We eat our dinner , watch a movie or some South Park episodes ( I don 't remember , and I think I fell asleep ) . Before bed , I email the detectives ' contact information to all the sibs and spouses . I am up by 6AM . Dad has been missing for forty - six hours . I take my shower , check my email and begin with my plan for the day . I spend the early morning tracking down local media outlets - broadcast and cable television , radio , newspapers - and emailing them flyers . By 9AM I have contacted local channels 2 , 4 , 5 , 7 , 9 , 11 and NJ 12 ( who said they needed a press release from the police - that will be my first thing Monday morning , if we haven 't found him by then ) . I contact the NY Post and the NY Daily News . I don 't bother with the Times because this is happening in Jersey and they won 't care . If he is still missing tomorrow , I will also hit the local New Jersey newspapers - I can look them up and get their contact information when I get back tonight . A bit past 9AM , I talk to the dispatch officer at the police station at the beginning of the day shift . The new platoon is out with pictures of Dad in their cars . My mom 's best friend Thea has made the same arrangements at the 110th Precinct in Corona , just in case Dad ( somehow ) did make there . It is looking less and less like a realistic scenario , but we all feel the need to cover all the bases . If I thought he could come up with the idea of flying somewhere , I 'd have posted at the airports too . I just want to find him . All the sibs have the flyer in their email inboxes , and all the sibs are forwarding it to their address books with instructions to pass it on . All of us on Facebook have forwarded the page I created last night . Alyssa made up her own page , using the same layout , and called it Help Me Find My Grandfather . She forwarded the link to all of her Facebook friends and they are in turn forwarding it to theirs . The page has over a hundred " likes " already , most of them Alyssa 's friends in Union . John and Cheryl are tweeting it on Twitter , Barbara is posting it on her fitness boards . Barb emailed me first thing this morning that she 'd had a dream that their cat Dallas was missing . She said she found her on the side of Dad 's house , alive , buried in some snow . Barbara says she is going to look by the side of Dad 's house this morning , again , just in case . At this point , we know that if Dad hasn 't been taken into an ER or shelter by someone , his mobility will be limited , he will be exhausted , hungry , dehydrated , off his meds for more than forty - eight hours . Our best hope for finding him is that he is resting somewhere - a park bench , bleachers , a shady spot under a tree . We covered that ground yesterday and will do it again today . We 're going to visit some of the same places , in case there are new people there who don 't know about Dad . Before I leave , I email Nancy and ask her to find email addresses for Our Lady of Sorrows and P . S . 19 in Corona , and send them the flyer with a note . I ask her to get email addresses for the hospitals and shelters on her call list , and send them the flyer . Everyone at these places is aware that we are looking for Dad ; it will help keep him in the front of their mind if they have a picture to refer to , and the knowledge that there is a family who desperately wants to find him . Barbara offers to fax the flyers from work to any place that doesn 't have an email address . The guy at reception today is the same guy who was there yesterday , and he still hasn 't seen Dad and there have been no John Does admitted . Our flyer is posted on the wall behind the desk , behind the thick Plexiglas window that separates him from me . I use the hospital rest room and go back out to the car . George takes me back to his house , where he and Glenn are working replacing a faucet , and Barb , Alyssa and I leave in Barb 's car . At 2 : 02 PM , my cell rings . It 's George . Patty from Café Z thinks she saw Dad near the Lowe 's on Morris Avenue in Union . It 's two miles from his house , but Dad has walked that far in good weather many times . George and Glenn each get into their cars and separately approach the location Patty described from opposite sides of Morris Avenue . They don 't want to miss him . Walter calls me at 2 : 08 and I tell him about the sighting . I am talking with both him and Janet when Glenn calls me . I switch to Glenn 's call . George is coming up in the other direction , sees Glenn 's car , sees the old man , sees it 's not Dad . They go to Café Z to tell Patty , and to thank her . It 's the only real glimmer of hope we 've had in fifty - four hours . They go back to the house , deflated . I take the 10 : 03AM from Murray Hill to Penn . I bring an extra $ 50 and the Capital One credit card statement so I can stop at the bank at the corner of 7th Avenue and 33rd Street in between trains . The NJT train won 't leave until 11 : 07AM anyway . That 'll give me almost half an hour to cross the street and pay the bill on its due date . It 'll also add the slightest semblance of normalcy to my increasingly surreal situation . When I get to Penn , I go to the NJT ticket machines and get two off - peak round trips ( I can always use them , is my very practical thought ) . I go up the escalator , turn left and walk to the Capital One on the next corner . It is empty at 10 : 35AM . There is one teller on , and no line . I pass the statement and my fifty - dollar bill under the bulletproof glass . She takes the statement and the money , inputs the account information , completes my transaction , and slides me my receipt . We go back to Dad 's , so I can walk around the house myself . I just want to see for myself how he left things . I know this is not logical , because since Dad left , Vee has been here , Glenn has been here , the policemen have been here , detectives have been here , George and Barbara and Alyssa have been here , and maybe some other people , too . We leave Dad 's , grab a quick bite at Galloping Hill , go back to George and Barbara 's house , and go over what 's been done so far . They walked the woods by the house yesterday , and again today . They walked the woods by Washington School again this morning . They 've been driving around the neighborhood . Barb thought she saw Dad when she was out driving and looking . It was about 7AM . She was driving up by Union Station , on Morris Avenue , when she saw an elderly man walking . She slowed down , and took a good look . She couldn 't really tell ; he had his hat pulled down , and he wasn 't facing her . The man 's clothing was similar … . could it be Dad ? She got out of the car , and went up to him , looked at his face , closely . I 'd brought my staple gun and packaging tape with me from home . We have to make a flyer for posting . I ask Barb if I can use her computer . I go downstairs to work . I remember that Alyssa has recent pictures of Dad on her Facebook page - she and Dad visited the cemetery right after one of the huge snowstorms this past winter , and I know that there are a couple of full - face ones . I right - click copy the one where he and Alyssa are looking right at the camera , paste it into an image editor , and crop Alyssa out . I close in on his face and center it . I type my text , fine - tune the spacing and size of the text so it can be easily read from a passing car , and print out about a hundred of them . The first place we visit is the cemetery . We post a flyer on the tree by Mom 's grave and ask her to watch over Dad , and to please help us . We know that if he can be helped , she will see to it . We go to the office and speak to the manager ; he knows my dad . He has seen Dad visit Mom 's grave every day in every kind of weather . He says all the groundskeepers know who Dad is , too . He asks the ones on duty if they saw him . No one can remember if he was there yesterday or not . He promises to keep an eye out . I give him some flyers , and ask his permission to post some more around the cemetery . He agrees . I look back at him over my shoulder on my way out , and I catch the unguarded sadness on his face . We visit every park , every local body of water ( dementia patients are attracted to bodies of water , I had read somewhere , sometime ) every doctor 's office , school and playground that Alyssa ever went to with Mom and Dad , posting flyers . We go to Town Hall ( post , outside and in ) , to the library ( post on the bulletin board and on trees in the parking lot ) , up to Café Z to tell Patty , the owner , and leave her some flyers and our cell phone numbers . She knows Dad well - we 've had our family Thanksgiving dinners there since the year Mom died . We drive up and down endless streets , posting . We leave flyers with whomever we speak with in Union . We post more . In Westfield . In Kenilworth . In Cranford . In Garwood . The first time Dad went for a walk where the cops brought him home , they found him up by Saint Demetrios , almost three miles from his house , a few blocks away from the precinct house . That was almost three months ago , in late March . Two patrolmen just starting their midday shift saw an elderly man who seemed confused and went up to him and asked him if he was okay . He couldn 't figure out where he was , but he knew who he was and where he lived , so they took him home and called Barb at work . At about 2PM , George left a voice mail on my cell to let me know what had happened , and that he had sent Glenn over to Dad 's to look in on him and make sure he was all right . I called Dad as soon as I picked up the voice mail , but only got the answering machine ( with my mother 's voice on the outgoing message ; we 'd never changed it ) . I called Barb , and we tried to figure it out ; we thought that Dad must have been on his way to the cemetery , which meant he was walking for about four hours , if he followed his habit of leaving the house at around 8AM . He had probably just continued on Chestnut Street instead of taking the left fork on to Galloping Hill , at the Five Points intersection where Galloping Hill Road and Chestnut cross the end of Salem Road . He was found all the way up on Rahway Avenue , past the entrance to the Garden State , past the turnoff on to Stuyvesant and Cioffi 's , almost as far from the house as Alyssa 's high school and Café Z . We drive and walk and post flyers for a few more hours , all over Union . By Dad 's house . Around the corners , both ways . On Salem Road . On Chestnut Street , by his bank and the vegetable store where he buys his bananas and the Dunkin Donuts . By Eisenstat 's office on Galloping Hill Road . I am finally exhausted , and George drives me to the station so I can go home . We post flyers all along Chestnut Street as we go . Tomorrow , we will do this again . Tagscaregiving , Come to Me , Duty , elderly parents , faith , family , father , friends , grief , home , hope , joy , loss , love , Matthew 11 : 28 , mercy , missing , Missing Dad , missing persons , parents , patience , prayer , responsibility , search , search dogs , siblings , strength , trust The police meet Vee and Glenn at Dad 's house . They call me for details about Dad and where he would be likely to go . They want to know where he shops , where he banks , if he has friends he liked to see , who his doctor and dentist are , which area schools are the ones Alyssa has attended ( since he had shown up at her elementary school in his pajamas just eight days before ) , what church he attends , and anything else that might help . I have to leave soon , to go to work ; I am the manager - in - training at the Papyrus flagship store on Broadway and 76th Street in Manhattan . I am scheduled for noon until closing , which means I need to be on the 10 : 33 train . I would call out if we weren 't so short - staffed . As it is , our full - time keyholder , Mary , will be alone until I get there . Emery has a travel day and is going to be at both of his other stores giving performance reviews . Jacque isn 't scheduled until four , and since her review is supposed to be at the Columbus Avenue store , she probably isn 't even going to get to Broadway until almost five . If I call out , Mary will be alone either until Jacque comes in , or until Emery can get there . That just won 't work - that store is just too busy , and cannot run with only one person on the floor for six hours - is there anybody else who can cover me on short notice ? No . ( So , what would happen if I got hit by a truck on the way there ? Would they find someone then ? ) I 've managed the floor by myself for hours , or worked a thirteen - hour open - to - close shift when staff calls out or just doesn 't show up ; that 's precisely why I don 't do that to other people . Not even today , with this good a reason . I call Mary on my way to the train to tell her my father is missing . She said , " Oh , did they find him ? " I said , NO , HE IS MISSING . No one knows where he is . I get to Penn before eleven . I have no news from anyone . I have enough time to try to find a charger for my phone . I hadn 't charged it the night before and I 've been on it almost the whole morning . I take the local to 79th Street , stop at the T - Mobile store to see if I can find what I need . No dice - the sales associate practically laughs at my three - year - old no - frills Samsung . I try the electronics store across the street . They don 't have one either , but I do replace my broken watchstrap with a new black leather one . I never bring my cellphone on to the sales floor , but I make an exception this day . I am fielding texts from my sisters asking if there is any news , while I am emailing back and forth with my district manager and Corporate about a man who had attempted to make a fraudulent return in our store . In between , I am ringing up Father 's Day cards for customers . Frank checks in with me a couple of times , to see if I 've heard anything , to hear how I sound . He knows me better than anyone else on God 's green earth . He can pick things up in my voice that even I don 't know are there . Such are the blessings of a long - term happy marriage . " I haven 't heard anything from anyone . I 'm going to Port Authority after work , in case Dad got on a bus . " ( I 'm scared and I don 't know what else to do . ) " No news . Yes , thank you for offering , please come and close the store with Jacque . I don 't know where my father is , and I don 't know what is happening . " I grab a cab on Broadway , and I call home from my cell as the cab makes its way downtown . I am going to Port Authority on the small chance that somehow , my dad tried to come to see me in New York . Maybe he waited at our old bus stop , got on the 113S bus , got out at Port Authority and … . what ? Did I really think he could find his way to the 7 train , go to Corona , or to Flushing ? No , I didn 't . But in case he did , I need to tell the cops to be on the lookout . I hear the worry in my husband 's voice . I have to do this anyway . My mind 's ear hears him saying , " Come home now " when what he is really saying out loud is good luck , be careful . The cabdriver has overheard my conversation , and asks me if I am okay . I tell him my dad disappeared that morning and has been missing all day . I tell him why I am going to Port Authority . He asks me my father 's name so he can keep him in his prayers . We take the turn east on to 42nd Street , past Holy Cross Church , and at the southwest corner of 8th Avenue , he lets me out . I find the police station in the terminal . I speak to the desk sergeant , who asks me to take a seat and wait for the officer who will help me . She is very understanding and kind - she has heard this story before ( but it was never my story before ) . I give her a description of my father . I pull out the wallet - sized studio photo of my whole family that my brother had set up for Dad 's 80th birthday . She photocopies it . When she comes back , I tell her that the day we took the photo was the first time in twelve years that we had all been under the same roof . The only other picture I have of Dad in my wallet is the one from December 1972 , with him and Frank and me all dressed up for a gala dinner dance celebrating Our Lady of Sorrows ' 100th anniversary . In that picture , Dad is five years younger than I am now . I call my mom 's best friend , Thea , as I am leaving the police station - she works at the 110th Precinct in Corona , our old neighborhood . She still lives next door to the house I grew up in , on 42nd Avenue . She will put the word out at the 110 , just in case Dad somehow finds his way " home " to Corona . As soon as her husband hears the news about my dad , he takes a folding chair downstairs and sets it up in front of his building . He will wait there until about midnight , until he is exhausted and has to go upstairs to sleep . He is determined that , if my father comes walking down 42nd Avenue , he will intercept him and return him safely to Union , New Jersey . I won 't find this out for a while yet , but throughout the day , Frank has been trying to find ways to help me . Friday is one of his days at NYU 's School of Medicine , where he is the computer tech for a research group in the Psychiatry department . He has been asking the doctors who work there how he can best help me through whatever is coming . On his way home from work that Friday , he goes up to a police officer and tells him about my missing dad . The cop gives him an outline of what to expect and when , if Dad isn 't found on the first day . Frank is taking the long view ; he already knows that if Dad isn 't found before nightfall , the outcome is unlikely to be positive . When I get to Penn , I stop into the police station on the Long Island Railroad concourse , and tell them my story . They are very kind and , as the Port Authority police did , they take down my information . I get on the 7 : 49 Port Washington train to go home . I get in at about twenty past eight . Frank has dinner waiting for me , keeping warm on the stove . I eat , we talk . Unless we hear something tonight or early tomorrow , I will go to New Jersey in the morning to search for Dad . I will be with Barbara , George , and Alyssa . They , and Glenn , and Alyssa 's boyfriend Kevin have walked the woods by the house and near the Washington School several times already to see if they can find any sign at all of Dad . After dinner , I turn on my computer . All of us sibs and spouses discuss next steps by email . Nancy and her husband , Chris , are thinking of coming up , but I think it 's better if they stay in Maryland for the time being . Their eleven - year - old son , Grant , still has another week or so of school . Nancy and Janet ( who lives two doors down from her , with her husband Walter and their four cats ) can make calls from home - they will call hospitals , senior centers , homeless shelters , soup kitchens , urgent care centers , clinics , and any other place they can think of to see if there are any John Does matching Dad 's description . My 88 year old dad wandered off from his home and has been missing since 8AM Friday morning . He was gone when his morning caregiver arrived . Our extended family and friends and the Union County police are looking for him . I visited the station at Port Authority and talked to the PA police ( just in case he got on a bus , but I doubt it ) . I notified a friend of mine who works in our old home precinct in Corona ( just in case he tries to go back " home " ) . My father has been missing for more than sixteen hours . It 's dark out . He is almost always cold , even on hot summer days . I try not to think about this . I do not succeed . Sometime between dawn and eight AM on Friday the eleventh of June , Tony Karabaic left his home to take a walk . He locked the inside door and the porch door . He didn 't set the alarm because sometimes he would forget how to make it stop . He walked down Huntington , made a left at the corner of Livingston , and walked down past Forest Drive to the shortcut path through the woods to Salem Road . At 8 : 10 that same morning , his morning caregiver , Vee the RN , arrived . She rang the bell ; no answer . She took out her key and let herself in . She stood in the living room and called his name ; no answer . He was hard of hearing ; maybe he just didn 't hear her . His tan corduroy recliner - its worn fringed throw flung haphazardly over it - was empty . The piles of papers on the coffee table were in the same places they were in yesterday . Nothing seemed to be disturbed . There was no radio on - maybe he wasn 't at home ? She would have to look . She walked into the dining room . His pajamas were draped over the back of a dining chair . That was good - the last time he went out for an early morning walk , he was wearing his pajamas and slippers . Vee went into the kitchen . No dishes in the sink or on the table , but the bowl and glass were in the dish drainer . Had he eaten his breakfast ? Where was he ? She glanced over to the kitchen table , to see if his pills were in the gold glass ashtray on the table . There were a couple left in there - she looked to see which ones they were . Good - the afternoon and evening doses of Sinemet , his Parkinson 's med . The morning dose , the Xalatan , and the Felodipine were gone . She walked out of the kitchen to check the small bedroom , where his granddaughter Alyssa 's toys and drawings were . The high - riser bed was made up , with its hand - crocheted afghan neatly tucked beneath the foam bunker cushions , the little stuffed cats and bears neatly arranged atop them . He sometimes took a nap here later in the day , but this bed hadn 't been slept on lately . He was nowhere to be seen . Vee went back into the living room , and up the stairs . She turned left at the top of the stairs , to look in his bedroom . The room reminded her of a monk 's cell , with its spartan twin bed , simple chest , and holy pictures on the wall . The bedsheets and blankets were rumpled ; the room bore the warm , heavy scent of sleep . Okay , it looked like he had spent the night here - that was something . She went into the master bedroom , where his late wife , Georgia , used to sleep . There were papers and envelopes neatly arranged on the white chenille bedspread , but no Tony . She looked in the little office . She looked in the extra bedroom where his kids slept when they stayed for the weekend . She entered the bathroom , pulled the shower curtain aside , checked the bathtub . She went down to the basement . Those stairs were so treacherous . She walked around , both hoping to find him , and hoping not to . But he wasn 't there . The clothes he had worn the day before were also on the dining room chairs . That was another good sign . That meant he definitely hadn 't left last night - Vee had probably just missed him . Maybe he went to the store . He liked bananas , and he 'd eaten his last brown one yesterday . She went back outside to see if he was in the yard . The car was still there , but that was because the battery had died two months ago , and his children had not wanted to replace it . No one wanted him to drive anymore . She 'd heard that they 'd already talked to him about selling the car to Alyssa 's boyfriend . Vee couldn 't get into the garage , but she knocked hard on the door , and then listened to see if she could hear anything inside . Nothing . Barbara had been through something just like this with Dad the week before . In the early morning of June 2nd , he showed up at Alyssa 's old school in his pajamas and slippers . The cops had brought him back home . Vee and Glenn drove for about a half hour , crisscrossing Union . They went to the cemetery - always the first choice . Until recently , no matter what the weather was , he visited Mom 's grave every single day . It had been almost five years . As soon as she got Vee 's text , Barb emailed me that Dad was missing from the house and that Vee and Glenn were out looking . Just before I saw this in my inbox , my husband Frank came into my studio to say we 'd had a missed call from a 908 number . I figured it had to be Vee checking in , so I called her , and that 's how I found out Dad was on the move and no one knew where . It was around nine when I called them - they had been so helpful the other three times this had happened - the policemen had found him and brought him home before any one of us ever knew he was lost . The UCPD dispatcher told me they would send someone to the house . I called Vee , and Glenn , and they went back to Dad 's to meet the cops . I get up at 5AM to get into the shower and be ready to go with Jannie and Wally by 7 . Before I get into the shower , I check the answering machine - no messages . Good . The first is a doctor from East Orange General , telling me that my mother has had a major stroke during the night . He is sorry to say that there is no brain activity and that her body probably won 't live through the day . The second is Wally who has heard the news and is asking me when we should tell Dad . The third is George who has also heard and wants to know what to do . Frank awakens , and comes out of the bedroom as I am getting ready to leave . I tell him what is happening . I have to go , now , to get to the hospital with Janet and Walter . They will be here in a few minutes . I take the phone number of the client Frank will be working with today , at Cryder House , in Whitestone . There is nothing he can do , so I think he should carry on with his day . I will let him know what is happening . I take my overnight bag with a change of clothes , just in case I need to stay in Jersey . My brother is coming back from Ohio . Nancy , Chris , and Grant are back on the road north to New Jersey , having arrived in Maryland a scant few hours earlier . I am on the road with Walter ( driving ) and Janet ( riding shotgun ) . We pull into the parking lot at East Orange General . I don 't know how , but John is already here . Janet , Walter and I meet him in the hallway . We all hug and kiss hello , and make our way to the ICU . John is crying . We are numb . Barb , George , Alyssa and Dad are already there . Dad is distraught . The neurologist enters , introduces herself to all of us , looks for the person she should talk to . She takes me aside . I tell her I have Mom 's health care proxy , and I know her wishes , which are " no extraordinary measures " . She asks me if my father grasps the seriousness of what happened , that my mother / his wife is being kept alive only by the machines . I tell her he might comprehend it if she tells him , but that he is unlikely to accept it from me without her saying it first . Dad has a real respect for medical authority ( we will use this later on to help him ) . All of us are in a knot around the doctor . I hold Dad 's hand as she tells him . He looks at me , questioning what he has heard . I tell him Mom is gone , only her body is still here . He doesn 't know what to do next . We speak about what Mom said she wanted , if this situation ever occurred . Mom wanted us to just let go . " Let 's wait , " he says . He doesn 't want to turn anything off ; he wants to give her a chance . Nothing needs to be done right now , so we will wait . There are tears , lots of them , a priest named Father Mitch , wooden rosary beads , a wonderful nurse named Beth . My two best friends in the world are named Mitch and Beth . I feel that this is a sign , that the priest and the nurse are God 's own angels sent to help ease my way into this new and awful motherless world that I am about to enter . We have Father Mitch give Mom last rites , even though she is Greek Orthodox , and he is a Catholic priest . This comforts us all . I keep the rosary beads in my hand . ( To this day , I carry them in my purse , everywhere I go . ) Despite my earlier reservations about East Orange General , the ICU staff is as good as any hospital staff I have ever seen , in real life or on television . They are sensitive , they are caring . They do their best to make Mom comfortable , and to comfort us . I wish these had been the people taking care of her at Kessler next door . My mother 's face is gray . Her skin is totally relaxed , softly sagging from her cheekbones . She has a thin stream of black fluid trickling from the right side of her mouth . There is a tube in the left side of her mouth . She is no longer in any pain . I take a white cloth and gently pat away the black fluid , but it keeps trickling . I am on the window side of the bed . Alyssa is on a chair at Mom 's left side . I ask her if she 's scared . She 's only twelve and a half years old ; I think she 's a bit young to sit through this . Even my sisters , her aunts , have a hard time looking at our mother like this . We sit in the room , the wooden rosary beads from Father Mitch in my hand . I haven 't said a rosary in years , but the nuns at Our Lady of Sorrows taught me well . I only leave my mother 's bedside to use the bathroom , or if Nurse Beth asks me to leave for a moment so she can tend to one thing or another in the room . I look out the window , down to the street . There is a truck out there with the name " Angelica " on its side . My mother 's mother 's name was Angelina . I see this as a sign that she is close by , waiting for her daughter . At one point - I 'm not sure how long after the others left with Dad - I am alone in the room with Mom and the endless beeping . I am holding her hand . I bring my face close to hers and whisper . " It 's okay . You can go now , if you want . Dad will be fine , we will be fine . I love you . You can leave . Don 't worry . " We call the others . They pull off to the side of the Garden State Parkway . We tell John , Barb , Chris , Walter , George . We don 't tell Dad . We will tell him when he gets here . He holds his forehead , shock and grief etched on his face . His eyes , wild and full of tears ; he says " Claud , you kids … please don 't leave me . Don 't leave me alone . " At first , I thought he meant he didn 't want to sleep alone in the house that night . He had a houseful of family ; he wouldn 't be alone . I realize later what he really meant ; he is afraid that he will be alone now that Mom is gone , that we kids will leave him to his own devices , that it was our mother who was the center of all things and that now he will lose us , as he had lost her . Share this : Share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Skype ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Tumblr ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on WhatsApp ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pocket ( Opens in new window ) Click to email ( Opens in new window ) Click to print ( Opens in new window ) Like this : Like Loading . . . June 15th ~ FOUND . 15 That day is a blur ; it was supposed to be my day of rest , after going out to Union to search for Dad on Saturday , Sunday , Monday . I had set Wednesday as my return to work , if we didn 't find him . I had very mixed feelings about going back to work . I couldn 't stay out indefinitely ; what if we never find him ? Sometimes , people who go missing are never , ever found . They just disappear without a trace . How does a person just disappear ? The laws of physics tell us that matter cannot be created or destroyed in a closed system ; therefore , he can 't just be gone . He is somewhere in the Escheresque universe in which I 've been living since 8 : 40 Friday morning ; I just can 't find my way to him . The angles are all wrong , they are impossible , incomprehensible . I 've been saying : " My dad is missing " . I could just as easily say : " I 'm missing my Dad " and mean it in all its double - entendred glory ; he 's missing ; I miss him ; oops , have I missed him ? What am I missing ? When someone goes missing , what happens to the people who are missing them ? What do they do ? Do they return to their jobs ? Do they shop for groceries on the way home from work ? Do they still buy Metrocards , and make sure that there 's milk in the refrigerator for breakfast the next morning ? Do they plan their meals for the coming week ? What about the laundry ? Do they carry on , do they do all of these things , all the while waiting for a call from the police or the FBI or a hospital or a morgue that their loved one or their loved one 's body has been found ? Or do they simply sit still ? Do they wait by the telephone , or stake out a spot in front of the computer , searching , researching , unable to move ? Do they take their cellphones into the shower ? Do they take showers ? Whatever I am doing , I feel like I should be doing something else instead . What if I 'm doing the wrong things , and that 's why I can 't find the right angle ? Is my approach all wrong ? I 've never known anyone else who had this happen . I have no experts to consult . I need a roadmap for this terra incognita where we are marooned . My plan for Tuesday was to talk to the detectives in the morning and get them to set the bloodhounds looking for my father . We were in Day 5 ; Dad had been missing for ninety - six hours ( I had decided that , when we got to one hundred hours , I would switch to counting days ) . Frank and I awoke to the alarm , took our showers , ate our breakfast , drank our coffee , shared the New York Times , watched Weather Channel , just like we do every day . It was all so nice and normal . I turned on my computer to check email . I had messages from my friend Janice asking if there 'd been any word ( no ) ; from my friend Peg , who pointed out how easily the elderly become invisible to the rest of us , allowing as how if Dad had gone out in his pajamas , someone might remember having seen him ( he had done that already , the week before ) ; from Nancy , letting us know that she , Chris and Grant would be in New Jersey by around 2 that afternoon . She added that Chris suggested that one way to get Dad back would be to buy and install an air conditioner in his dining room ( Dad was legendarily spartan about heating and cooling ) . The search had become its own creature , apart from Dad ; Dad and the search for Dad were two separate beings . There had been moments when I felt we were searching just for the sake of doing something . It wasn 't that I thought our efforts were useless or hopeless ; there was a small ( and shrinking ) part of me that thought we might yet find him , and find him alive . Surely there was a reasonable explanation for him being missing ; the Laws of the Conservation of Matter decreed that he was still somewhere in the known universe . Since Friday , I had been dealing with the unknowingness of my situation by trying to control those things I could . To be effective , to move forward , I had to be dispassionate about the alternatives that lay before us . I had to be on task , I had to manage time well , I had to ruthlessly prioritize . It was like managing the store ( people / product / operations ) , except this really was life and death . I wasn 't alone ; I had lots of help , all the help I could ask for ; my husband , my siblings and sibs - in - law , their children , our friends were living through this with me ; but I felt so terribly alone . Okay , so the detectives would have dogs and helicopters … Det . Moutis said that we should register for a Silver Alert . I said I 'd set it up if he sent me a link . Monday night , when I got home from New Jersey , before we had dinner , Frank and I were talking about places that George and Barbara and Alyssa and Kevin and Glenn and the neighbors and I couldn 't get into to search on our own . Frank had made a list of the kinds of places that should be searched ; abandoned buildings within a reasonable radius ; houses that had been foreclosed upon , and were vacant ; garages , sheds , outbuildings , even on occupied properties - we 'd had a cat years ago who had gotten locked in a neighbor 's garage by accident , and he 'd been missing for three days before the neighbor returned , opened the garage , and out came our Patch . Maybe Dad crawled into or under an abandoned car in a foreclosed garage and has been unable to get out and come home . Maybe he fell through a rotted floor in a vacant , derelict house . Maybe he got lost again , and went into a house that he thought was his , except it was empty , and now he thought we had sold all of his things or that he had lost the house to taxes . When we had his income taxes done earlier that spring , he got confused , and thought the new accountant was there to take his house away . Maybe he was looking for Mom . My email to Det . Moutis crossed with his email to me giving me the web address for setting up a Silver Alert . I should have guessed it - www . silveralert . org - and I can 't remember now why I couldn 't . I registered my dad for the Silver Alert and uploaded the picture that we 'd used on his flyers . I emailed the link to Det . Moutis and all my sibs with the login and password . For some reason - and I don 't know if it still works this way - the login and password were only good for an hour , and I had to re - log - in and re - upload his picture once the hour was up . I called my contact at Union 's Channel 12 to give her Dad 's information and the Facebook page URLs so she could do a screengrab of the flyer . I promised to follow up with a flyer by email , in case the screengrab wasn 't sufficiently clear . Lexi promised to get the information on the air that day . Janet and Wally were at Dad 's , getting ready to leave for Maryland , since Nancy was coming up . Someone had to be in Maryland to take care of the total of five cats and one dog between the two households , so Janet and Nancy tag - teamed . I think that George and Barbara were both back at work - it 's so hard to remember now , and my cell phone and text records aren 't clear . Alyssa had finals coming up , so she was back in school . John was planning to arrive on Thursday . Maybe we 'd find Dad by then . The detectives had arrived , with the bloodhound and his handler from the Essex County Canine Unit . It was mid - day . They 'd had to wait for the bloodhound to come from the next county , because Union County didn 't have one of their own . The handler , wearing latex gloves , took my father 's old worn pajamas outside , and spread the top and bottom out on the lawn in front of Dad 's house . ( The image I conjured for myself of my father 's nightclothes spread out on the lush grass is indelibly imprinted on my mind 's eye . ) The handler wears gloves so that he doesn 't transfer his own scent particles to the scent article . I am in my living room . I am waiting , too . I text Glenn ( not wanting to tie up the phone ) ; he has heard nothing , and is getting anxious . They have not been gone long . The bloodhound veered left at the head of the path , into the woods , without hesitation . They went deep , deeper , following my father 's scent , over brambles , and weeds , and thickets of vines , into the heavy brush . They found him lying on the ground . He said it would have been impossible to find him without the bloodhound . The brush and tangles of vines and weeds were more than two feet high ; Dad had sat down on a log , taken off his shoes , and either lay down or fell back . He was on the ground , his glasses and tan hat were off to the side , his watch still on his wrist . He was clothed except for his shoes , which were on the ground next to the log . They would have to confirm his identity with dental records . He had been out in the elements for more than one hundred hours . The coroner would later say that he had almost certainly died the first day . That would account for the lack of sightings , I thought to myself . Nancy , Chris , and Grant arrived at Dad 's house at about the time that the detectives were calling me . I must have called Janet and Walter , John and Cheryl , Barbara and George , but I don 't remember doing so . Frank came home sometime in the late afternoon and I told him . I am sure I was crying , but I don 't remember . I texted my friends . I called the store and told Emery that they had probably found my father , and I wouldn 't be coming in on Wednesday after all . |
But I love you . . . She put down her pen and sealed the envelope . It was Valentines Day , the day of love . She had a big crush on this guy . . . His name ? She didn 't know . But what she did know is she was in love in with him , but one thing was holding her back . She was not human . . . Personality : Rose is your typical teenage vampire . She hates the sunlight ( because it burns her , literally ) and she cannot stand garlic . Her bite is deadly , and can insistently turn you into a vampire , if not kill you . The one things she wants is love , and she 'll do anything for it . She is dangerous to be around , however , she can be nice if she likes you . She is also your typical teenage girl - always wearing make - up and taking about boys . Other than that , she is a bloodthirsty monster wearing lip - gloss . Personality : Vincent is a calm and relaxed type of man . Whenever he is fixated on something , people will have a hard time to get his attention , especially when he is listening or playing music . He can be loud mouthed when he is in a discussion . Food is also a passion which he feel he masters . He loves to conversation with people , but is not too good with small talk . He has an introvert personality , with a hit of extrovert . While he is calm and relaxed , if something makes him majorly uncomfortable he will take action . Something special about Vincent is his love for the dark . He wishes for the day to be night and night to be day . The starts and moon makes good contrasts for the dark when you take a walk in the forest . Vincent also keeps his friends closer , but his loved once closer . " This is the day , father , " she said , " This is the day . " Her father looked at her , confused . " What day ? " he asked , needing more information . Rose sighed and shook her head in annoyance . " Dad , it 's Valentines Day . " Her father nodded . " The day of love . " Her father nodded . " Ugh ! Sometimes I wonder about you ! " Drake , her father , frowned . " I 'm going to ask him out ! " Rose exclaimed , annoyed that her father hadn 't worked that out yet . " Oh , that . . . But , Rose , darling , your a vampire ! " he finally said after moments of silence . Rose glared at him , as if to say Yeah , thanks for the reminder . . . " Nobody would want to go out with a vampire ! " Rose sighed . " Mum went out with you . . . " she mumbled . Having super - human hearing , Drake heard every word she had said . " Mum was a vampire when we meet . Ah , I remember it as if it were yesterday . . . " he explained to his beloved daughter . Rose groaned and stomped out the room , unwilling to hear that old love story again . In the background , she could hear her father telling the story to thin air - he didn 't realize she was gone . Smiling , she took the letter she had made yesterday . It was a short poem , inspired by the famous Roses Red poem . She read it out load , her hand on her heart . " Roses red , violets blue , we 're not the same , but I love you . . . " Sighing , she held the paper against her heart and closed her eyes . All she could picture was the boy , from his messy black hair to his smooth pale face . Perhaps this time she wouldn 't kill her one true love , as she did the many times before . Maybe he was the one . . . The vampire silently sealed the letter inside a red envelope . Grabbing her bag , she walked out the front door and started her journey to school , staying in the shadows . Of course , if she went in the sunlight , she would burn . Because of this , Rose always walked under the trees , away from the warmth . It would take her around 20 minutes to get to school , because she had to take the long route . Still , she didn 't care , as long as she managed to get the letter to him . She knew he probably wasn 't going to be at school , because he was 20 . Maybe he was in university ? She would track him down that night , when the sun was gone and the moon was shining . # 1 It was 5 in the morning , the sun had not yet woken up to being a new day . Vincent sat up in his bed . He looked around half a sleep , to then shake the sleepiness out of his eyes . A dark brown wall was the first thing he saw at his left , stretching out his neck . Vincent didn 't live in some student dorm , or an apartment . He lived in a rundown " renewed " cabin he had bought for £ 100 from and old man which own the forest Vincent 's cabin is placed . After his bag was packed , and his glasses were firmly placed on his nose , it was off again to a long day at the university . The reason why Vincent was up early in the morning was to enjoy the silent and calming atmosphere the forest . The moon was still reflecting the sun 's rays shining a dim light in between the threes . Fog arose from the cold ground meeting the warm air . The birds had not yet awoken , and the animals were just about to wake up . The forest was so quite the sound from Vincent 's foot step in the moss could be heard . The enjoyable atmosphere was gone when the first sound of a car horn going off in the busy city . The sun was shining in through the window blending his vision as he read the white pages , reflecting the sun into his eyes . He moved back some seats , and continued to follow the lecture holder 's lines within the study book . The class ended , and the walk took a turn to at his locker . Some girls some locks aside of his began to chit chat loud , smiling and giggling . One of them where holding onto a valentine card . Vincent had gotten some over the years but , just forgot to send back to the sender . He would talk to girl easily , but he hadn 't found someone interested enough to look further into them . If she had it her way , Rose wouldn 't be in school . She was 118 years old for goodness sake ! Surely someone of her great age should be at home , relaxing . Unfortunately , she was a vampire , and therefor only looked 18 . This had its ups and downs , downs obviously being she had to go to school . The positive side of things was she still looked young and beautiful , which , for a vampire , she was . Vampires live for a long time , so she couldn 't possibly moan because all her friends were 100 years younger than her , and her crush was 98 years younger than her . She couldn 't help that she was born a vampire . It was just the way of life . . . " Rose ! Your late again ! " She had just arrived at school , and her friend , Emilee , was waiting outside . " Em , you know I have to take the long route round , " Rose explained . Em gave her the look . The look that seemed to say why ? , but you never get an answer . " Oh , come on Em ! You know I have no choice ! " Em sighed and said , " I know , I know . . . I just - " " Don 't understand ? " She nodded . " Oh , Em . You 'll find out some day . . . " And with that , the two turned around and walked to class , ready to start the day . Rose heart pounded as she found out what her new topic in English was . Vampires . As the module topic , she was doing Gothic Literature , and vampires were part of this . Usually , she wouldn 't care what she was doing in English , but this was different . No doubt about it , they would do the features of a vampire , and they would see just how alike Rose is to one . Would they find out ? Let 's hope they don 't . That would be a real shame . . . # 3 Out of all Vincent 's courses , there was nothing more frustrating than his part time job . The day went on with a Spanish class . The teacher placed a large book on each table . " Read , and give me an understanding what the author 's main protagonist Dante wants with telling about a middle age 's knight this way … " Right when the Spanish teacher was done talking Vincent 's good friend Lucy woke up from her sleep . Accidentally she had fallen asleep under her class to then wake up besides Vincent . She looked at Vincent , while he gave her a smirking smile . A kind of smile meaning ; you are done for smile , while he was pointing at the Spanish teacher . Lucy looked him with a sleepy daze showing in her face . Vincent whispered softly to her : " Lucy this is Spanish 3B , aren 't you supposed to be in drama class right now … ? " The girl stood up , and right then she met with the glaring eyes from Vincent 's teacher . " Sleeping are we … ? " The teacher held a long ruler by the right hand , to then hit Lucy 's table with a hard strike . " Get to work … ! ? " It didn 't seem like that teacher had woken up on the right leg today . Lucy took a shot at luck jumping over the table , winking at Vincent as she left the room in a hurry . This wink you send a friend meaning : thank you for covering me … Vincent wasn 't too happy about it . Wandering to the next class , Vincent 's bag had grown in size . He growled deep within his throat " Three damn essays about three damn different books due to tomorrow … . " He closed his eyes in irritation , taking a good breath he calmed himself down . History was interesting ; math made his brain work out of order , fortunately next was English literature . Finally a class Vincent could make himself more at home . He fancied literature , especially English literature . Tales about old castles , dragons , powers of the supernatural orogion and not to forget vampires . Reading about castle Dracula made him want to go there and see for himself how " the impaler " lived . But , you can 't afford much being a student living off a part time job . Instead he read as much as he could about the place . What if vampires actually existed ? A question His English literature teacher Mr . Skull asked the class as they were to being to analyze the Book " Count Dracula " . With a more exciting book put into his bag , Vincent 's part time job was about to start . Seven Pm sharp started his shift at a park café not far away from his university . He was one of two chefs which worked there . Today was a rather stressing day . His partner Toby was also going to work today , but because of bad illness he had to stay home . Vincent literary worked his finger to blood cutting them multiple times making all kinds food for the not so often filled café . In the end , the café got empty giving him an evening with a double pay . Vincent turned his way home walking with a slow phase not wanting to look away from the clear night blue sky . " Oh , come on Rose ! Surely your dad won 't mind you going to the hairdressers ! " She couldn 't have got it more wrong , Rose thought . School was now over , and it was time to return home . Or at least , it was for Em - Rose still had to find that boy ! The vampire decided that she was going to wait in the forest , which was where the boy lived . He lived in a small cabin in the middle of the woods . How Rose knew ? She was stalking him . " Honestly Em , I don 't know why you bother , " Rose said to her friend , " You know Dad will never let me . " This was a lie . Her dad would let her , but Rose knew she shouldn 't go . Em would find out she was normal , because she wouldn 't be able to see her in the mirror . Vampires have no reflection , so being in a room full of mirrors was not a good idea . After an argument lasting for 5 minutes , Em finally gave up and let Rose go on her way . Rose was incredibly relieved , as she was starting to burn from being in the sun . Her skin was going through torture which couldn 't be put into words . She was so glad to finally get under the safety of the tree tops ! The sun was still shining , so it wasn 't quite time yet . Perhaps she could go have a little . . . snack . Her heart now set on finding food , Rose picked up the speed and jogged to the nearest cave , where she knew a family of wolves lived . Once she got there , the vampire girl peeked inside to check if any wolves were home . There was one : a small , grey cub around the size of a teddy bear . Strangely , Rose felt no sympathy for the poor thing . All she could feel was a thirst for blood . And so , she crept up behind the cub and pounced , pinning down the creature and slowly sinking her teeth into it 's neck . The taste of blood was so amazing , mainly because she hadn 't had any blood in days . She could feel the blood running down her throat , the liquid reaching her stomuck . # 5 The air got cold , which made Vincent think of home . He was so happy it was Friday , meaning he could stay longer in bed tomorrow . He pushed himself off the outdoor staircase , to wave good bye to his coworkers . Vincent was now on his way home . Loud sirens went around every corner between the houses he walked passed . The lights from the streets , cars and windows made the light from the moon not visible . Vincent looked up , but right then a cloud blocked the view from him to see the night sky . With his heavy bag on his back , he was looking forward to step into the dark , silent nature surrounding his cabin . Suddenly a really drunk guy came out from behind a corner of a bar . He had obviously drunken too much , making the bouncers from the bar throw him out for making a scene with his drunkenness . Vincent looked at the guy , giving him a so ugly look making the guy turn around and stay away with his drunken mumbling of nonsense . Vincent walked with delight right into the forest , and taking a long breath . " I 'm finally home " He said speaking to himself . All the stress from the Spanish class went away , the extra books he had to read didn 't bother him anymore . Now he was fully focused on getting home , quickly as possible to then jump under his sheets , falling to sleep . He walked quietly as he always did in the forest , but something was different this night . He stopped up completely . Vincent turned around , thinking maybe he heard an animal or something . Waiting for a couple of minutes , he heard nothing making him shrug t continue to walk towards his cabin . Right when he was about to enter the door , he looked up watching a large moon shining with looked like silver light . The lights covered his cabin and the small open area around it . He went inside , throwing away his bag . He put on a better jacket , keeping the warmth from leaving his body . Vincent walked outside , sitting down one large stone looking up with a smile . " What a beautiful night … " It was finally night . After the poor cub had died , Rose casually walked out the cave as if nothing had happened and stared at the sky . A full moon shone brightly on the night sky , with twinkling stars surrounding it . The north star was shining brighter than ever , and Rose 's heart leaped at the beauty of it all . Now , to find the cabin . At didn 't take long at all to find the cabin in the woods . Sure , it was dark and Rose couldn 't see very well , but she knew the forest well . All she had to do was follow her heart and love would find her . Taking a deep breath , she walked up to the door and posted the letter through the mail slot . She gently tapped on the door , then went to find up a tree to wait for him to answer . Nobody answered . It wasn 't until them did she realize he wasn 't in the house - he was sitting on a rock nearby . Dammit ! The notes in his house ! How was she supposed to give him the love letter now ? Unless . . . No . That would be too weird . Or would it ? Oh , come one Rose ! Don 't be stupid ! Surely that plan wouldn 't work , right ? Hmm . . . perhaps I could try . . . So she did . Rose jumped down from the tree and firmly landed on the ground , standing on her feet . She crept up behind the man and tapped on his shoulder . " Go check inside your house . . . " she whispered before running of silently . # 7 " Go check inside your house . . . " Vincent turned around , but nothing there . " What ? . . . " the tapping on his shoulder , had left Vincent like a question mark . He looked behind himself for a long time . " I swear that is was someone behind me just seconds ago " He stood up , and took a long breath . He knocked himself at his head tree times while walking towards his cabin . " Am i turning crazy or something . . . . " Right in the middle of sentence he opened up the door , and there was a letter to him laying just some centimetres away from his door . He picked it up , and walked over to his working table . He opened it up , and saw the poem written on it . " Roses red , violets blue , we 're not the same , but I love you . . . " Vincent got a sudden blush in his face . He looked back at the letter , and pinned it up right in front of face on the wall . " An unknown person giving me a valentine card in the middle of the night . . . interesting . . . " Vincent was tired , and went to bed right after he had read the poem more than ten times trying to figure it out . " What can she mean by " " we 're not the same " " Vincent let the letter go out of his mind , and tried to read some pages from Dracula . His eyelids felt heavy , and his body relaxed , to then making Vincent fall asleep . Vincent woke up the next morning determinate to find out who had given him the letter . There was one thing that he was sure of , the person who had said those words to him last night , must have been the same person which had given him the letter . How ells would the person is telling him to see inside his house . Vincent stood up , and went on to make breakfast . While cooking his mind tried to figure out how the person who had given him the letter had made an easy escape . Just like a magician she disappears in to thin air ? Rose sighed . She had watched him open the letter while sitting on a tree . He seemed confused , but also heartstruck . She could tell he wanted to find her , and he will . Rose will make sure of that . She just needed to wait till morning . . . Then , she woukd meet him outside his door . She wouldn 't stay for long , otherwise the mystery about her would just dissapear into thin air . All she would do is mention the letter , ask him his name and tell him to meet her at the park tonight . Simple . When it came to morning , Rose wasn 't sure if she could do it . She had spent the night before staring at the guy through the window . Now , I can hear you asking " But how did she sleep if she was looking through a window all night ? " Surely you should have got this by now : Rose is a vampire , so does not need to sleep . Anyway , back on subject . . . It was moments before sunrise . Rose had to get undercover , but that would ruin her plan . You see , she decided that she would jump down from the tree and land in front of his door just as he was opening it . But the sun was already starting to burn her . C ' mon guy ! Open the god damn door ! ( Sorry , it got a little short . ) Vincent looked at the poem one more time , walking towards the door . He planned on spending the time outside today . He had to get his read on if he wanted that B in English , and even more reading if he even wanted to try on that C in Spanish . He picked up his bag , with everything he needed and opened up his door . His thought where wondering about Dracula and how he would escape if he where to be trapped with a place with sun light . There where many possibilities , like turning into a bat , turning to dust or find the nearest shadow to hide in . The light from the sun had not yet hit his house . Vincent took a deep breath of fresh air , and started to take the first step outside . # 10 As soon as the guy opened the door , Rose jumped down . " Hey ! How d ' you like the letter I sent you ? " she said suddenly . She eyed him up and down . ( it 's fine . Sorry about my short post as well . . . if we have a conversation between characters , I 'm fine with at least 3 sentences ) Vincent stopped all motion . His eyes widen for about three seconds before they got down to normal size . It was a clear surprise when Rose jumped down to stand right in front of his door . Vincent looked at her , and eyed her face . His instant thought made a note ; Cute . " Eh . . Sorry but you startled me for a second there . " Vincent smiled warmly and spoke again calmed down as usual . " I thought it was creative and very interesting , especially the part about being different . . . . What did you mean by that ? " Vincent asked not able to stop smiling . ( Okay , and that is nothing to worry about , just no one liners , it 's freaking difficult to reply to and it 's a bit annoying xD ) Rose listened closely to what he had to say . She knew he wouldn 't understand the part about ' being different ' , but know what not the right time to explain that . " That doesn 't matter . As long as you liked it , I 'm happy , " she replied , with a huge smile across her face . # 13 Vincent smiled back at her . " Eh . . . . . Maybe I can I offer you a cup of tea and biscuits or anything ells to eat . I have a free day today if you maybe want to go out or something ? " Vincent opened up his door , and held a hand inside . Vincent wanted to know more about this girl . He had taken a big interest in her , it was only the letter but , she was very beautiful . Long hair and large blue eyes with a shine a shine looking like the sun was shining on the surface of the sea . # 14 Rose smiled . " I 'd be honored to spend the day with you , " she said , sounding rather posh and old - fashioned . She had picked that up because of her great age : being born in the late 19th century could explain this . Very much like the guy , the vampire wanted to find out more about him . Yes , she could read minds . And so , she stepped forwards , but waited for him to make the first move inside . # 15 Vincent Opened up the door , and took a step inside . He held the door , so it would hit his visitor . Vincent threw his book , at the table not far from the door . He looked at Rose with a warm smile . " I will make some tea shortly , and if there is anything you want I can see if I have it in the kitchen " # 16 With a smile , Rose stepped inside the house . it was cosy , that 's for sure , much better than the house she lived in . Her house was more like a mansion , but she had got used to it . Sure , it was cold and lonely , but that is exactly what a vampire is , cold and lonely , so it was just natural . " Nice house you 've got here , " she said to the guy , who 's name she still doesn 't know . " I will make some tea shortly , and if there is anything you want I can see if I have it in the kitchen , " he said . Rose nodded , and replied by saying , " Thanks ! " Tea ? Oh dear . . . Rose couldn 't drink tea ! She was a vampire for God sake ! Still , she did have a pouch of blood with her . . . perhaps she could pour abit in the drink when he wasn 't looking . . . Would he realize ? Not if she was secretive about it . . . Yes , she would do that . # 17 The house had only one floor . The house consisted of a small hallway , which they had just walked out of . Then there was the living room , the largest room . On the left side was the kitchen . On the right side there where two doors , one leads to Vincent 's bed room , and the other to the bathroom . He put on the tea , and what of homemade biscuits he could find from his work place on a plate . In the upper right corner was a working desk . The letter from Rose was put up on the wall in front of it . In the middle of the living room was a smaller table with three chairs around it . Coming out from the kitchen , Vincent placed down tea cup for them both and the plate of biscuits . Sitting down , he scratched the back of his head thinking . " I 'm sorry , things went so sudden I forgot to introduce myself . " He cleared his throat and made a light bow , " My name is Vincent Lux . It 's my pleasure to get to know you miss … " Vincent looked at her . He didn 't know her name yet . He scratched his head again thinking back if she had already given her name to him earlier . " I 'm sorry miss , but I seem to have slipped your name as well " Vincent smiled at her , thinking quite hard about the condition of his house . It was a total wreck ; it was a cabin out in the woods with no view or anything . He lived in a plain old dark cabin in an even darker forest . Only small rays of sun managed getting in through the windows . Even then the house was not even cleaned and full of things everywhere . # 18 Rose watched the man come out of the kitchen with tea and a plate of biscuits . Great , more human food to eat , she thought , as she stared at the biscuits . She didn 't want to look strange or anything , she she attempted to look as if she wasn 't looking at the biscuits . As he sat down , the vampire sat down . He introduced himself , then asked for her name . " It 's very nice to meet you , Mr Lux , " she said , holding out her hand , " May I call you Vincent ? " She smiled , before saying her name as well . " I 'm Rosemary Finnissen , but you call come me Rose , " she introduced . # 19 Vincent placed himself down on the chair in front of Rose . He took a small sip out of his tea while she was talking . He smiled back at her ; " The pleasure is all mine Rose , I don 't mind if you call me Vincent " He placed down his cup of tea . He placed his right hand on the table while leaning a little bit forward . He then took another sip of tea . " So Rose , where do you come from ? " Vincent asked curiously , trying to figure out more about this charming young lady . Vincent looked at the biscuits , thinking maybe she didn 't like them , or maybe she had some kind of allergies for nuts or something . He thought about what he had in his kitchen … . Nothing . It was bad timing to be a poor student at the Uni . He wanted to give her something she would like to eat , but at the moment he just had enough food for himself . He had to make up for it somehow . Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs . |
Christmas is for Giving I was the second to last child , and always begging for attention . " Mommy , watch this " , " Mommy , listen to my song " , " Mommy , listen to my story " . But Mommy was always busy with her work , with her church , and theater , and politics , and all the other children . Mommy never had time to listen to my stories and songs . She never had time to watch . She never had time to answer questions , or didn 't know the answers , so pretended the questions weren 't important . Daddy was there , but he wasn 't . And I never felt like he cared that much , at least when I was little . Mommy was out a lot at night at rehearsals and church functions and political meetings . When she wasn 't home , I felt so uneasy . I thought that if someone broke in the house , Daddy wouldn 't care enough to protect me . I needed her there . She would save me . Much later , I finally realized that Daddy 's way of loving was to go to work and buy what we needed , and what we wanted . For a family of twelve , we were very lucky . They were thrifty , for sure . But they made sure each of their children had a childhood . We went on vacation to a large Victorian in Cape May for the entire month of August . Daddy came the first two weekends , taking public transportation to Atlantic City , where Mommy would pick him up and bring him back on Sunday nights . He stayed at home during the week , but those weekends were nice with our Dad . He couldn 't totally relax . He did a little though , and you could tell he needed it . The last two weeks he vacationed with us . He was so much fun then ! He was the Dad I always wanted him to be . The one I dreamed he would be every day ! The Vacation Dad ! Approachable , impulsive , smiling . I miss that Vacation Dad . I got new clothes three times a year ; when heading Back to School , on my birthday ( which conveniently is in May , so my mother could get me summer clothes and call them my presents ) , and for Christmas . Christmas brought garbage bags filled with clothes . It was wonderful and we always did a fashion show for each other . We would also get one or two other presents besides that . When I was nine and the youngest , Karen , was seven , we both got hot curlers that were made for children . They made a lot dangerous children 's toys when we were little , like Chemistry Sets and Power Tools for kids . One year we got a popcorn popper to share . We 'd load it up with kernels and oil , wait for the popping to begin , then use the lid to aim scorching hot kernels at each other . It really hurt when they made contact . Then , yeah , yeah , we ate the popcorn that was still in the popper . But the most fun was the act that could have maimed us severely . In 1967 I was seven , and Christmas was approaching , Kathy from down the street told me that Santa wasn 't real . She had just moved to our block . She was different from the kids at school ; like she was much older than me , but she wasn 't . She was the coolest kid I had ever seen . I had no reason to doubt the validity of her declaration , but needed proof . On Christmas Eve , our parents went to Midnight Mass as always , and we went to bed and waited for Santa . I got Karen up when I heard their car drive pull in the driveway and we looked outside . " Kathy said that Santa is Mommy and Daddy " , I told Karen , but I wasn 't too sure about it , and my five - year - old sister did not believe it . So , we poked our heads over the windowsill and watched our parents get out of the car . They walked to the trunk , and took out a bunch of garbage bags that were stuffed in there . They both slung them over their shoulders and carried them up the driveway to the front of the house . We watched them walk until we couldn 't see them anymore , then ran for bed and got under the covers , so they wouldn 't know that we knew about the bags , and that the man in the red suit was a fairy tale . Karen was crying ; I had devastated her . I was worried that Mommy would hear her and come up , but she and Daddy were too busy setting up our Merry Christmas surprises . I didn 't know why it bothered Karen so much ; I wasn 't that phased by the revelation . Were seven - year - olds so much more mature than five - year - olds ? Or had I been suspecting for a while , anyway ? I was a very nosy child . I wanted to be a spy like Emma Peel or a detective like Honey West when I grew up , so I tended to snoop in my parent 's things . I was practicing ! Having gleaned this information from my spying made me feel a little smug . And I was fine with it . The creepy tiny old guy whose stomach shook like a bowl full of jelly was not sliding down our chimney while we were sleeping . It was just my parents . And presents . The presents were still there , and they were the important thing ! But we didn 't just love the presents we got , we loved the presents we gave , too . We had a present allowance to buy presents at Sears when we were very young . " We got you paints ' was a line that was often used as a joke about not being able to keep a Christmas secret . We all laughed about it as if it was a shared memory , but I didn 't remember it . Apparently , one of my brothers told another what they had bought for him while they were still in the Sear 's store , " We got you paints . " A few years later , our Mom started taking us younger kids and Kathy from down the street to the Job Lot in New York . Mommy loved the Job Lot . It was one of the first of the deep discount stores . Among so many other gifts , I remember buying a lot of Yardley Soap products there , and Aziza make - up . Make - up for me , because I wanted to be a grown - up forever ( until I was one ) , and Yardley Lavender Soap for Daddy . He always used it . Yardley began making Lavender soap in the 17th century , which was way before Daddy was born , so I assume he had always used it . When we were ten , Kathy and I decided to buy each other boxes of chocolates while in New York . We got them cheap , and got cheap presents for everyone in our families too , using the money that our Moms had given us , along with babysitting money . When we got home , we wrapped our boxes of candy , put each other 's names on our gifts , and put them under my parent 's tree . Then we went to Kathy 's house and watched the premiere of " Santa Claus is Coming to Town " . We pretended to each other that we were too old for such baby shows , but secretly I loved it . I bet she did , too . I got home two hours later , to find our presents were opened and eaten by an Irish Wolfhound . Our Irish Wolfhound . There was slobbery wrapping paper and candy cup liners everywhere . You would think after years of living in the same house that a girl of ten would know her dog had a penchant for Christmas candy . Well , all candy . Well , all food . WELL , everything he thought might be edible . Some years were better than others in our lives , but no matter how much money we had , every Christmas was lovely . In the early years , my parents had big family parties with about 100 relatives and friends , and the adults would all drink and tell stories and sing carols and laugh and sometimes cry . It seemed like most adults smoked back then , and a barroom fog would fill the first floor while these parties carried on . Our parents didn 't smoke , but in the ' 60s so many did , and second - hand smoke was not a thing . One such party , we had a piñata right in our hallway . There was a wooden bat that we children were supposed to swing at the piñata with . A wooden bat . In a house with 100 people . That was the ' 60s . We swung and swung that heavy bat , but every child missed every time . The adults took over ; they were impaired and had a hard time of it also . Then came Mr . Regan 's turn . Mr . Regan was my hero . What a wonderful man . What a character ! What a drunk ! He began swinging wildly and everyone had to run out of the way . He gave it a huge whack , and all the candy went flying , but we had to wait a minute for him to stop swinging to run and grab it all up . When we were older and Mommy had passed away from ALS , my father continued Christmas in in similar fashion . One year when Karen was in college , she filmed a Christmas morning , and inquired what each of us thought Christmas was all about . She came up on Daddy making coffee , and asked , " What is Christmas all about ? " He spun around and shouted , " GIVING ! Christmas is about giving . " Christmas was when Daddy was his very , very best . I miss my Christmas Daddy most . Story for Tom on the Passing of his Dad I was going through " On This Day " on Facebook , and came across this private note to some friends seven years ago . I am not sure if I ever shared this story with you ( this blog is getting to be the online version of spending time with your old Aunt , I think . I tell a story , you roll your eyes and sigh , " Yes Auntie , we know . You 've told us . " If this is the case with this story , then just ignore me and go get us some drinks . I 'll have a Presbyterian . ) . If you haven 't heard the story of my Dad 's wake and funeral before , I hope you will stay for a few minutes and indulge me in my memories . Tom was really down . He was not dealing well with his father 's passing . He felt his friends were giving him too much room , and he wished someone would talk to him , help him get out of his funk . I sent him this e - mail . I thought it was going to help , I hoped it was going to help him to smile a little . He wrote back . It did . Here is what I wrote : My dad was the epitome of the cranky old man , and he didn 't like noisy children ( except my son Zach , who could do no wrong in my dad 's eyes ) . Daddy passed away on March 7 , 1994 in St . Barnabas Hospital in Livingston , NJ . I was holding his hand as he went , so I knew he was gone , but I still couldn 't believe it . I just couldn 't wrap my mind around my dad not being there . I was 34 years old when he died . That was a long time to have his constant presence … how could he be gone now ? So , even at his wake , I just couldn 't grasp the reality . Until I realized , with all these people and children in the room , there was no way my dad would be sleeping soundly . When he didn 't get up and say , " You damn kids keep it down ! " I finally accepted his passing . Then we were at his funeral . My oldest brother wrote and read the Eulogy . My parents were very giving people , but they had 10 children to support . They had to be clever in order to share the wealth . So they did things to cut corners . And my brother incorporated this into his Eulogy . He talked about how Daddy could take rotten peaches and make the best ice cream and milkshakes , and rotten tomatoes and make the best stew . But , when he said , " Moldy ham … " in a church full of people , many of whom I didn 't know , well that just broke me up … into giggles ! I was struck by the perversity of it ! I was trying as hard as I could to suppress them . I didn 't want to appear the insolent child . At the exact same moment , the priest came by sprinkling incense on those congregated , and directly on my oldest sister , who was seated next to me . Unfortunately , she is allergic to the incense , and she started trying to muffle sneezes , so as not to make too much noise . There we were , seated together , and both making sniffing , choking noises . I was so embarrassed , until people started patting me on the back , and saying , " It will be alright " , and I realized they thought we were crying ! This made me laugh more , again at the perversity of it all , and it just sounded like I was crying louder . Of course , the thought of my Dad watching me threw a little fear into me . Daddy would have said , " Dammit , stop that laughing ! " , and somehow , that made me laugh , too . Mommy and The South Orange Public Library I always knew Mommy as working in the Children 's Room at The South Orange Public Library . I don 't think she was working there when I was a baby , but I cannot remember a time when the library didn 't figure greatly in our lives . She was there when I was very little , and she was my Library School teacher in the old library , in the Connett Building . What I remember from Library school is that we were very good children , and sat quietly and listened to my mother 's animated readings of the incredible stories that were out at that time . As a grandmother , I am sure that 3 and 4 - year olds were far from very good , but I do know that at least most of us loved being read to , especially by someone like my mother who could turn a book reading into a one woman show . Some of my favorite children 's books were ones that she read , such as " And Rain Makes Applesauce " . I have the discarded library copy on my bookshelf ; very probably the exact one that she read to us . When the new library opened next door to the Connett Building , Mrs . Mary E . Vorwerk was hired as the Children 's Librarian … my mother 's boss . There was always a Halloween party in the room off of the Children 's Room , where my mother and Mrs . Vorwerk read to us . That is where I heard " Old Black Witch " , another book that I still love . There would be a mini - parade in the room , and prizes , and snacks . In the summer the library had Reading Challenges . You would keep track of how many books you read on your chart in the library . Kids nowadays have Summer Reading to complete before they return to school . Schools didn 't give Summer assignments when I was a kid , but the library picked up the slack . I remember the first time I ever won something , it was a jellybean contest at the library … how many jellybeans in the jar ? I won a book of riddles . I loved that book , mostly because I won it . I told a lot of bad jokes to my family for a while , until the jokes were all told out . Mommy worked at the library throughout my childhood and teenage years . When I was about 11 , I started going upstairs for some books , and downstairs for some . Mommy and Mrs . Vorwerk continued with Library School and helping children learn to love to read . I still meet people today who tell me that my mother instilled in them the love of reading , and even some who say she nurtured their dreams through learning when they were children . A librarian is another important member of the village that helps your children to grow strong and wise . In 1980 , I was 20 years old , and my Mom was still working in the Children 's Room . She started having a sore and hoarse throat , but just thought it would go away in a while . She waited for a month , and her throat and the hoarseness didn 't get better . So , she finally went to the doctor 's . After many tests , the answer came back . It was not a sore throat … it was ALS . She continued to work in the library and the children continued to love her . She lost her voice , and it seemed she would not be able to work in the library anymore . But , children of the library held a benefit to raise money to buy a newly designed computer for my mother to use at the library . She could type into the computer , and it would speak for her ! This was quite a miracle in 1981 , and it meant she could continue working with the kids , whom she loved so well , and who loved her as much or more . Her computer had the same voice as Steven Hawking , and whenever I hear him use his synthesizer , I can still hear my Mom . Fighting By the Seat of Our Pants I know the title of this blog post is strange . I wrote this yesterday for Arts Unbound 's Story Slam . I knew I was going to do the story slam for about 2 weeks now , but only prepared for it the day of . It 's been a crazy kind of time around here , and I am flying by the seat of my pants , which was the original name of this story . When the story was finished , I liked it enough to keep it , but had to change the name . This one works . It 's really what we all are doing when we are battling as formidable a foe as ALS . Sunday is the Walk to Defeat ALS in Saddle Brook . This is my 9th year walking . The team 's name has gone through a few changes . First it was " Lainey 's Legacy " for my Mom Elaine Kall Marlowe ( nicknamed Lainey ) who succumbed to this disease in 1983 . One year it was Lainey and Lorraine 's Legacy , as we had a Co - Captain who lost her Mom to ALS . This year , we changed the name of our team to SO / MA 's Legacy to reflect all those in our community of South Orange and Maplewood who are suffering with this devastating disease , and those who once lived here , but ALS took them from us . My friend Arthur Cohen is battling ALS , as was Dave Adox , who very recently lost the fight for his life . I only met Dave once , but have spoken with his husband a few times , and met some of Dave 's family and friends . Here was a young man enjoying life in the finest way possible : with a loving partner and family . He was the type of man who kept in touch with schoolmates , many years after school ended . He was concerned with the well - being of others . When his elementary school classmates found out that Dave was suffering with ALS , many came to see him and stayed to help . At his Shiva , I saw wonderful pictures of Dave growing up . Many pictures of traveling , many pictures of friends … lots and lots of friends . And all the pictures on Facebook after his passing showed just how many people loved him and felt a tremendous grief at his loss . He was such a wonderful friend to so , so many . Dave lost everything to ALS at a very young age , but he never lost his spirit , or his love . Arts Unbound partnered with Dave 's husband Danni for an Art Bender a few days before Dave died , and a mural was painted on my old apartment building on Irvington Avenue in South Orange . Dave was so happy to be there . I saw the pictures and thought how wonderful that he could see it . My pal Arthur amazes me and reminds me so much of my Mom , who never gave up , and always believed a cure would come . Arthur lives in a different time than Mommy did though , thank god , although he may not be able to see it in everyday things . People still may stare at him , or not understand that inside his atrophying body is the same man with the same brain that he had the day he was diagnosed . ALS rarely affects the brain , which remains lucid throughout this cruel ordeal . I would venture to assume that Arthur is probably a better , more enlightened man now than he was on that dreadful day . He now has firsthand knowledge of the temporalness of life . Not just of being alive , but of what we have , who we are , and what we have come to expect as our normal . And did Arthur find out he was sick and just give up ? NO . This man said , " Okay , I have one of the worst diseases known to man . Let me start a business , and give the proceeds to The ALS Association to help others like me , to help find and supply treatments and ultimately , find a cure . " Did he just tell everyone , " Please do this for me ? " NO . He has been actively involved in the creation and operation of PickALS , his pickle company , since Day One . I always tell him that I think he is a force of nature . But sometimes it is nature , organic or mutated , which forces us to make that choice : Lie down and take it , or take action . Arthur is the epitome of taking action ! In 1980 , when my Mom was diagnosed , many had never heard of ALS . The ALS Association and ALS TDI were not in existence . She received her help from the Muscular Dystrophy Association . When Lou Gehrig gave his famous farewell speech in Yankee Stadium on July 4 , 1939 , the public may have read about ALS in the papers , but it was considered a very rare disease at the time . I am sure that without reference to Lou , many never gave it another thought . The disease is still considered rare by the CDC , with approximately 5600 new diagnoses a year , roughly one every 90 minutes . But look at this way : This is one of the worst ways to live and die that I know of , and every 90 minutes someone is told they are going to have to go through this … and every 90 minutes , someone is losing their battle with ALS . So this disease disposes of its victims , and then regenerates itself with new ones . The average life span for those suffering with ALS is 2 - 5 years . That 's some chilling statistics to me . Mommy didn 't know all the statistics , because it was a relatively unknown disease at that time . She just knew that she and a few of her neighbors were doomed to spend the rest of their short lives in the prisons that used to be their active bodies . Mommy had Bulbar ALS onset , which first manifests in changes in voice and speech , with a harsh , hoarse or strained voice . She thought she had a sore throat . She was auditioning for Off - Broadway and to join a prestigious theater group which would help her reach her goal of BROADWAY ! Finally she would achieve her dreams . Finally , the children ( all ten of the damn kids ) were grown , and she could really spend time doing the very thing she had planned to do all along . Not so fast , Lainey . The sore throat is not going away . She has it for about a month . She keeps saying that it 's not going away . We think nothing of her having a sore throat for a month and not going to the doctor , because she never ran to the doctor . She wouldn 't even take US to the doctor for any of our real ailments that she kept telling us were imagined . She was a Depression Era baby with ten babies of her own , and the thought of giving away money to find out you have a sore throat makes no sense . It 's only when the supposed laryngitis gets so bad that it 's affecting her acting that she does go , and after several tests , is told she has ALS - Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis . What does that mean to her ? What does that mean to us ? Not so much , except we are told that it 's fatal and there is no cure . That 's a sucky thing to hear when you are 55 years old and just about to start on the life you always knew was your destiny . Mommy was not as active as Arthur is when she found out she had ALS . She was never involved in fundraising , or trying to find a cure . People did stare at her all the time as if she was an invalid . She was not an invalid , dammit . She just couldn 't walk , or talk , or really move . But she could communicate ; at least on paper , at first . When she still could use her hands , she wrote in her journal , " It 's so hard to lose your voice when your whole life 's work is based on communication . " Later , she had an alphabet board that she could move her eyes across to pick out letters and spell out words and sentences . But to be an actress , a director , a writer , a lector , or many of the other roles she played without speech … it was a tragically ironic fate that befell her . Still , she insisted on living as normal a life as possible , and that included going to places and doing things the same way she always had . Except that in the early ' 80s , there were no real accommodations for the disabled , as we were just beginning as a society to ' learn to be tolerant ' of people who were ' different ' . So , we tried to go to the Outlet stores in Secaucus . Packed up Mommy and her wheelchair and headed out there … only to find there was no wheelchair accessibility , and so we had to turn around and come home . Then we tried to go to Toys ' R ' Us on Route 10 . We got in the store alright , but the aisles were too narrow for the wheelchair , so we had to go get what Mommy wanted to buy for her grandkids while she waited at the front of the store . People stared at her in her wheelchair , and spoke to her as if to a child . They didn 't know . They weren 't taught that what you see does not always inform what is really going on . She had always gone to plays ; she was not only an actress , but a lover of the arts . We went to a play right in South Orange , with her neighbors . I wheeled her in and sat next to her . She made some noises because she had such a terrible time trying to breathe . People were turning around in their seats and giving her the stink eye . The stink eye ! To my sainted mother who just thought maybe that she wasn 't dead yet . She thought that maybe she could still enjoy her life while she was on this side of the grass . She was dejected . Did she give up ? NO . She didn 't give up her cocktails . We pureed her five o ' clock cocktail and she drank it with a straw . Did she give up regular food ? NO . We pureed her steak and she drank it with a straw . Did she give up going to work , going out , seeing people , caring or communicating ? NO . Why ? Because she was a fighter . Like Arthur is a fighter . Like Dave was a fighter . Like so many before them were fighters . PLEASE remember that this disease can happen to anyone . That a wheelchair can happen to anyone . LIFE happens and things happen . I had a friend who worked for a rehabilitation center . He told me that the patients there called us , " TABS " - Temporarily - Abled Bodies . I like that . Because it reminds you that you are not special . You have just been lucky so far . Possibly the most cliché thing I have said so far , though I would have to go back through my notes to be sure : PLEASE remember to be grateful for what you have , and love your friends , kids , family , LIFE . Tonight . Always . The Story of Me , Zach and the Cats in South Orange I have lived in the same apartment in South Orange , New Jersey since April 1 , 2008 , when I left my brother 's Jim 's basement in Rockaway . As you know from earlier stories , I had been homeless , then in a rehab , then in Homeless Solutions in Morristown . I was in Homeless Solutions from the day after Thanksgiving 2007 until February 15 , 2008 , when I moved into Jimmy 's . It wasn 't really Jimmy 's idea as much as his then wife Robin 's . I was celebrating Christmas with the family , then left to go back to the shelter . That really bugged Robin , and I guess she stewed on it for a while , and it kept bothering her , and finally she told Jim , " Your sister should not be in a homeless shelter . Tell her to come stay with us until she gets back on her feet . " They told me in the beginning of February , and I moved in two weeks later . How glad I was to leave the homeless shelter ! Sad too , though , leaving the family with seven children behind . I worried about them for so long , and tried to find out what happened to them , but I never heard about them again . But , after 2 1 / 2 months , I was well - prepared to leave . I was mentally revved to begin my new life . Robin let me come live with them , but only for 1 1 / 2 months . I had to get money together and get out on my own as soon as possible . Great rule ! Within a week of moving in with them , I had a job . I saved quickly , and Robin helped me look for an apartment . My teenage son had lived with me during my darkest hours , but things got really bad , and I asked him , " Do you want to live with Aunt Karen ? " Of course , he said yes . He was in desperate need of a normal life . So , he went to live with her in South Orange , and for a while , I continued careening down my path of self - destruction . Then , I finally made it to the rehab , shelter , Jimmy 's home . Now , we were looking for an apartment , and I was praying that my son would want to live with me again . So , we looked in South Orange , and I tried to find an apartment big enough for both of us . One that he would like , one that I could afford . Me affording and him liking had every indication of being conflicting scenarios , but I proceeded with the hope usually reserved for the believers of the world . We tried several buildings and homes . We were turned away almost immediately from most for credit issues . Some we ran away from ( just so gross ) , and some were way too expensive for my measly savings . We finally went to a building on a main avenue in South Orange , and met with the Super . He was standing in front of the building , looking disheveled and greasy with a slimy smile on his face , but I looked past it all , because I was running out of options and had to find an apartment in South Orange , dammit . We went into the dreary brick building and walked into a large apartment with two kitchens and two stoves . It turned out that it was two small apartments , but there was no wall between them . If you wanted both apartments so that you could have two bedrooms , you could rent both . Or just one . It was up to you . Up to me ? I said , " No thank you . " This is not at all what I want . I knew I had to get out of my brother 's house , but I couldn 't imagine myself living in that creepy building in that creepy apartment … or apartments , depending . The Super said , " Wait " because he had something else around the block . It was above stores , a Chinese restaurant and a coffee shop on another busy avenue . There were only four apartments above the stores , and the one he was showing me was the last one down the line . It was a one bedroom apartment , but with very big rooms and the door between the living room and the bedroom had a lock on it . I thought , " it 's not the best apartment I ever saw , but it could work " , so I said I would take it . I moved in on April 1 , 2008 . Zach was 15 going on 16 when I moved in . I was so excited … he was going to come back and be my son again . However , when I moved in , he said he wasn 't ready yet . So , I spent a few months alone in the apartment , trying to make what I was earning cover the rent , utilities and travel expenses from South Orange to my job in Dover . They really didn 't , but I received some help from my friends … yeah , like the song . By July , I was feeling pretty lonely , and I saw on Maplewoodonline that someone had this beautiful rescue Siamese kitty that I kind of fell in love with . I never really was a Cat Person , but this little girl was so pretty . So , I arranged to go meet her , and asked Zach if he would like to come with me . He was excited , because he really loved animals , and was even volunteering at our local shelter . We got to the rescuer 's home , went to the cage , and there was this little sandy muffin sitting next to a jet black Helion . I fell for the little Siamese immediately , but Zach really wanted the Blackie , who was hissing and puffing up and being a tiny scary thing . I said , " If I get both , will you move in with me ? I don 't want the black cat , but I will get her for you . She can be your cat when you ' come home ' . " He said , " Yes " , and these two little puffballs were packed up and put in the car and brought to my apartment , where they proceeded to run under the couch in terror . We named the Siamese " Cherie ' and the Blackie " Wednesday " after Wednesday Adams , who was really scary , too . We nicknamed her " Wendy " after Caspar 's Witch friend . We bought them all sorts of cat toys . They loved the toys on a stick and string , and we would get them to run after them . But , they wouldn 't come near me or let me touch them . They let Zach touch them though . I guess they sensed how gentle he was . Zach decided not to move in , however , and I was stuck with these two kittens that really didn 't like me . After a while , the Siamese started coming around , and a few months later , when it was time to have them spayed , she was relatively easy to catch and put in a cage to take to the vets . Wendy , however , was not , and I gave up . She didn 't have to go . At nine months old , Wendy went into heat . It was a horrible , horrible week with that crazy cat losing her mind even more . She caterwauled all day and all night , and for the first time , wanted me to pet her … all the time . Pet , scratch , please scratch , please scratch ! I called the local Cat Whisperers ' , and they came the next weekend to help me trap her to take her to be spayed . It took us well over an hour to catch her , and by the time we did , she was traumatized . The woman whom I received her from took her to the vet , then called and said that she would keep her to recover . When I called to see if I could pick her up , she said her vet told her that the cat was not tameable , and she should let her heal , then put her back outside . It 's not like she came up with the idea on her own . I had told her what a difficult cat she was , how she wouldn 't let me touch her , and how she hissed at me when I came near her . So , I tried to resign myself to this cat 's fate . But , I kept thinking about how she had lived inside with me since she was tiny , and how I had her for nine months , and that she wouldn 't survive outside . I still don 't really think of myself as a Cat Lady , but I am not heartless . So , I called the rescuer , and asked if I could see the cat . She said that wasn 't a good idea , and told me Wendy was a horrible cat who hissed at her and tried to scratch her when she came near . I said I still really needed to see her , and she finally relented and let me come over . When I got there , we went into the dimly light basement to find my cat in a cage in the corner , looking as forlorn as a feline possibly could . When she saw me , she started crying plaintively , and I swear she was saying , " Please . Please . Please take me home . I just want to go home . " Ugh . I started crying and said I had to take this cat home . Her rescuer told me that was a bad idea , and reiterated that the vet said the cat wasn 't tameable . I said , " She 's still my cat , and I want to take her home . If it doesn 't work out , well , at least I tried . " I was pretty adamant , so Wendy was put in her crate , and once again , she came home with me . Cherie was so happy to see her . Wendy was so happy to see Cherie . And , Wendy was so happy to be home , with me . She learned to chill out , a little , and it seemed that she learned gratitude , which is really weird in a cat , but I don 't know how else to explain the change in her . It was like she thought , " Oh wow . I have it pretty good here ! " Whatever accounted for the change , it made her bearable , and sometimes , she was a pleasant , friendly cat . Not that she wasn 't still batshit crazy . On the contrary , her whole spaying experience made her even more paranoid and distrusting . She still hid and hissed , but not as often . Cherie was like that child that you have that never gets in trouble and is always a pleasure to have around . She loved to be brushed , loved human food , loved just hanging around , and you couldn 't sense any angst in her . Wendy had enough for the both of them , I guess . Then , as I wrote about in " Loss " , Cherie got sick and died in January 2013 . That was hard , because she was such a good cat , and now I was stuck with the cat that I didn 't want in the first place , the one Zach said he wanted , and no Cherie and no Zach . I didn 't get any sleep for a week after Cherie died , because Wendy just walked around the apartment crying all day and night . It was worse than when she was in heat , and I felt so bad for her . My Niece Rachel felt bad for her , also , and sent her a stuffed cat to sleep with to help with the loss . It was so sweet , of course I cried . Eventually , as always is the case , Wendy and I got on with our new normal , and I kind of became her replacement for Cherie . She stopped hissing at me , unless I was making the bed , looking for my shoes under the bed , or sweeping or vacuuming . Her bed issue is that Wendy is a Bridge Troll , as Zach calls her . She has created herself a little world under my bed , and is pissed when we clean under there or go anywhere near her Underworld . I think she hates brooms because we used one to corral her into the cage when she was spayed . And the vacuum freaks her out , but I don 't have any hypothesis as to why , except that it 's freaking big and noisy . Life went on for a while , just me and Wendy , until March of this year , when Zach finally moved in , temporarily , as they sold the home he lived in . He wants to go back to college , and needs to save money for another apartment . I know it 's a little late . I still call him ' Kid ' and he 's 22 years old . But , I am so happy to have even just a fragment of the normal life we should have had years ago , at least for a while . And , I am very thankful for all that has happened to lead me up this point . My crazy cat has ended up having a pretty good life , instead of being thrown back on the streets . My kid had me to turn to , and I was so grateful to be there . And me ? I am happy . There 's no magic elixir to make everything right after so many years of it being wrong . But , it 's okay . Maybe everything isn 't supposed to be right . Maybe , at least for me , okay is freaking fabulous … as long as I keep working towards great ! |
My blog about parenting biological and adopted kids , some with everyday kid issues and some with much more serious medical / behavioral issues . I don 't care if anyone else ever reads this , my main purpose is for me to have somewhere to vent some of my thoughts , frustrations and successes . If it sounds like I 'm complaining , I 'm not . My kids are everything to me , I love them more than anything , but sometimes I just need to let it all out ! Luke and Steven are going to work for me tonight . I have a cold and I 'm just too tired and yucky feeling to go . Plus this will give my leg one more week of healing before I have to sit on that bench again . Steven went on a date today , taking a girl he met at hockey out to lunch . I peeked out the front window as she was picking him up ( even though I was forbidden to do so ) and she looked cute . She is 19 , has long black hair and a decent looking car . I was trying to see if she had her seat belt on , but I couldn 't tell . I don 't think Steven put his on , which is scary , but what can I do ? It will be interesting to see how the date went when he gets home . I 'm not thrilled with the idea of him having a girlfriend , since he can 't yet manage his own life , but he hasn 't asked my opinion ! Hannah was very calm and dare I say it , sweet ! She and Shauna helped me make cream cheese brownies for Jack 's birthday . She was very patient with waiting for the right time to lick the bowl . She asked at least 5 times , but didn 't argue when I said not yet . When I finally said yes , she licked that bowl cleaner than I 've ever seen it ! Later on , Shauna noticed that Hannah had taken one of her shirts , cut the straps off the inner shirt ( it was one of those shirts that has a spaghetti strap top attached , underneath a long sleeved top ) and cut the shirts apart . When I called her downstairs , she came down and went directly into the powder room . I asked her why she wasn 't coming in to the kitchen to talk to me and she said , " I already know what I did and I 'm in the time - out . " LOL , so she CAN learn ! ! ! ! ! Hannah is having a really hard time at school and around the neighborhood with a new girl that moved in recently and has decided to steal all of Hannah 's friends away from her and treat Hannah as badly as possible . She is the same one that I posted about a few weeks ago . She , Hannah and two of Hannah 's other friends had all been hanging out together and Rebecca invited them all for a sleep - over . Rebecca 's mom said they couldn 't stay over that night , but that the other two girls were welcome to stay the next night , but Hannah was not . The mom even came over and told us that Hannah could stay the next weekend , but several weekends have gone by now and still no invitation for Hannah . Surprise , surprise ! Now Rebecca is being totally nasty to Hannah . At this time , twenty five years ago , I was in my 22nd hour of labor with my first baby . That is if you don 't count the previous five days of labor pains ! At the end of 31 long and painful hours , the nurse placed a beautiful baby boy in Mike 's arms . I can 't believe that tiny 8 pound , 12 ounce baby is now towering over me at 6 ' 1 " ! Happy Birthday , Jack Daniel ! ! While Hannah was raging , Alex and Shauna grabbed the dog and ran outside ( they have been trained to do this , for their safety ) . They ended up in front of the garage as the two police cars and ambulance pulled up . Apparently a little girl who is Shauna 's age rode past twice on her bike . The second time she stopped and saw Shauna , even though Shauna tried to hide behind a car so she wouldn 't see her ! She came up the driveway and asked Shauna what was happening . Shauna was embarrassed to tell her the truth , so she had to think on the fly . She told her that a lizard had gotten into our house and we had to call the police and medics to get it out ! LOL ! She said the first thing that popped into her head was that a frog had gotten in , but at the last second , she changed it to lizard . I 'm sure this is ALL OVER the neighborhood by now ( that 's how it is here ) and everyone probably thinks we are nuts for calling emergency services for a lizard ! On the bright side , at least they don 't think we are nuts for calling them for a frog ! The visit with the Chicago kids was really nice ! It was so good to see them all , again . I wish they could have stayed longer , but it was a good weekend . The bad things started after the boys left to go home . Hannah had two MAJOR rages yesterday . I don 't feel like going into a lot of detail because I am just too upset , but let 's just say that even though Mike , Jack and Steven were trying to hold Hannah down , I am sporting at least 10 fairly large bruises this morning . Steven called the police during the second rage , so that was fun . I don 't blame him for doing it , she has never been out of control at this level before . For some reason the paramedics also came , I guess he must have told them that she was punching and kicking me . Of course , she calmed down less than a minute before the police walked in the door . The paramedics checked her out and she had a normal pulse and blood pressure . He should have checked the VICTIM ' S blood pressures , as I 'm sure mine , Mike 's , Jack 's and Steven 's was through the roof ! I 'm really dreading her getting home from school , which will be in about 10 minutes . I hope she is calm , but I 'm not going to hold my breath . When I was driving Steven to work today , he told me he was worried about what would happen if she rages when he and Dad aren 't there to help . He advised me to let her do whatever she wants so she won 't rage ! I know that I have posted mainly negative things about Steven , but he acted really mature and was a huge help this weekend . I 'm proud of him for that ! One of the police officers who came yesterday knows our family from previous contacts with him about Steven . He told us that he has seen Steven around town several times and that Steven has always been behaving . Our neighborhood police seem to really be involved with the teens in the area and they try to make a lot of contact with them in positive situations . Wrigley was taking a time out in his cage , for being too wild . Since it is pouring rain , we can 't let him run his energy off in the back yard . Shauna looked at him and said to me , " We really need to have him nude so we can take him on walks again . " I thought about it for a second and realized that she meant that we needed to get him neutered ! Adam Sommerfeld , Jack , Steven , Mikey Summa and Joe Klich . Jack and Mikey have been friends since the first day of kindergarten . Joe and Steven have been best friends since they were two years old . We finally talked Drew into getting into a picture ! He and Adam were always in trouble together in grade school . They both blame the other one for being the cause , but they are still friends , after all these years ! Time to say goodbye , all too soon . Three of Jack 's friends are driving out from Chicago for the weekend , to celebrate Jack 's birthday . It seems like an awfully long trip for a weekend , but I guess when you 're young you do things like that . He has known one of the boys , Michael , since kindergarten . One is actually Drew 's friend ( now Jack 's friend , too ) from grade school and cub scouts . The third is Joe , who is my other best friend 's ( besides Denise ) son . He has also been Steven 's best friend since they were two years old . Joe is actually in my profile picture , but the picture is too small to really see anyone . The picture is of our whole family and Joe 's whole family from when we visited in summer of 2007 . Jack is washing the dishes today . Mark that on your calendars , it probably will never happen again . However , that is not what this post is about . It is about my obsession with Steven Tyler . My son , Steven , is named after him , which might not have been such a great idea since my Steven tends to take after Steven Tyler a bit too much . Maybe I should have named him after the Pope instead ! That isn 't what this post is about either , so I should get to the point . Jack won 't do dishes without listening to music so he brought down his ipod and some sort of thing that it clips into and plays out loud . After an Aerosmith song came on and I mentioned that I hadn 't heard much Aerosmith lately so Jack set the ipod to play all Aerosmith . He then asked me if Steven Tyler had any venereal diseases . As much as I would love to have the opportunity to find that out first hand , I have no idea . I pointed out that we are talking about Steven Tyler , so I 'm pretty sure he does . Then I wondered out loud if Steven Tyler was out of rehab yet . Jack asked why he was in rehab and I said I thought that he was hooked on pain killers . I then suggested that maybe I should join him there because when I tried to stop taking my pain medicine ( vicodin ) cold turkey , I got really sick . Don 't worry , I am down to one vicodin a day and only have two left , so I 'm pretty sure I won 't be needing rehab ! ! ! Although , if I find out that the rehab Steven Tyler is in accepts my insurance , I might just have to ask my doctor for a refill ! ! ! Disclaimer : If you are reading this and don 't know me , I am totally joking . Well , except for the parts about Jack doing dishes and Steven being named after S . T . I decided to go back to work tonight , since my leg has been feeling so much better the past few days . I also wanted to go back since my job will only be around for the next 8 weeks or so . I lasted through a game and a half before the pain got too bad for me to stay . The bench I have to sit on is really hard even though I put two pillows on it . I only sat there for about 5 minutes and then I had to stand . It was really nice to go back , though , because a lot of the guys were happy to see me . Luke and Drew played in the first game and they both did really well . It was so hard to watch the game , I kept thinking that this will be one of the last times I get to see them play . I wanted to stay for Steven 's game , but I just couldn 't do it . My leg feels better now that I 'm home . I realized that I probably made it so much worse at the beginning when I had the leg pain and I still worked for the first 4 weeks or so , sitting on that darn bench . The kids loved the chocolate ice cream with the Oreo chunks . It was delicious , but I didn 't care for the consistency . It seemed like the cocoa powder didn 't dissolve totally . I only had it when it was fresh out of the ice cream maker and still soft - serve , so it might be better after it is in the freezer for a few hours . I have to make another batch today because it was too much to fit in all at once . We 're going to have to buy some ice first because our ice maker never has enough in it for the ice cream maker . If I remember , I will take a picture later . My husband doesn 't like to talk or to listen . There is no such thing as a discussion in our house , it just doesn 't happen . When there are things that we need to discuss , which is often , I figure it isn 't worth wasting my time and energy to talk when I probably won 't be listened to anyway . I 'm pretty sure he reads my blog , so I 'm going to say some things here that he probably wouldn 't listen to if I said them out loud . I 'm taking a chance that he might yell at me for making this public . He also might just stop reading my blog or he 'll read it and ignore it . My hope is that he will read it and realize that there are things that must to be discussed for the good of both the kids and the marriage . Today Luke and his friend , Stephen B . , are cleaning Luke 's room . Stephen B . is good at cleaning and organizing and Luke takes after me and is terrible at it . The only time Luke 's room gets cleaned is when Stephen B . helps him . A few months ago , I told Luke to clean his room and in four hours all he cleaned up was half a bag of trash . Not half of a large trash bag , half of a Walmart size bag . Anyway , he and Stephen B . came downstairs to announce that the room is almost done . Mike 's response was , " Did you do the closet ? " . No praise for undertaking such a huge job ( Luke is a huge slob , so cleaning his room is no easy task ) , just a comment that implied no matter how hard he had worked so far , it wasn 't good enough . Sidebar : My next door neighbor just came to the door to tell me that someone had left the side gate open ( I won 't mention any names of who might have left it open , Mike and Jack ! ) and Wrigley was running around the block . Apparently Wrigley was bored with reading my blog so he decided to go for a jog ! Since no kids are home right now and I can barely walk , I went to the kitchen to call Luke and tell him to come home from Stephen B 's and get the dog . I no sooner hang up when I see something outside the back door . It was Wrigley , waiting to be let in , he came home by himself ! Maybe he is actually maturing ! Back to my postPosted by Except for asking Stephen B . to get me the cans of tomato out of the can cabinet , I cooked an entire meal all by myself ! This is something I haven 't done since mid - July ! I made meatballs with orzo and zucchini and it was yummy . Ahhh , progress . Well , the Oreos for the ice cream were not where I thought they were and I couldn 't find them anywhere else . A few years from now , you will probably read a post entitled , " I was cleaning my room and I found a package of Double Stuff Oreos , I wonder how they got in here ! " . Well , I was just talking to Luke 's best friend , Stephen B . , about the dog and I realized that we forgot all about the dog 's first birthday . It was on September 9th and while I remembered that was the birthday of one of the friends that fixed Mike and I up to go on a date in 1980 , I totally forgot that it is also Wrigley 's birthday . Now I 'm not a person to care too much about pet 's birthdays , other than to mention them to the kids , but I 'm sure the younger kids will be mad at me for not remembering . I kept thinking that because we got him on November 9th , that that was his birthday . So Happy Belated Birthday Wrigley ! ( I 'm sure he reads my blog . I figure he must have some hidden talents and he is just pretending to be the dumbest dog on the planet ! ) Speaking of birthdays , Jack 's due date is tomorrow . Yes , weird , I know , but I still celebrate the bio kids due dates . I would celebrate the adopted kids due dates , if I knew what they were . I do celebrate October 20th because it is not only the date my baby brother was born and died , but it was also the day that Alex 's birthmom , Elizabeth , felt him move for the first time and stopped using drugs until after he was born . I usually only celebrate in my mind , so people don 't actually know how weird I am , but since I 'm blogging now , I figured I 'd include that little tidbit . I also celebrate firsts and lasts , which drives Mike crazy ! For example , the first hug of the new year , the baby 's first smile of the year , the last diaper change of the old year , first outing with Daddy , and so on . Luke apparently takes after me because he has been pointing out every first since he got his learner 's permit and car . First time he drove in the rain , first time he drove on the highway , etc . I 'm really happy that I 've been able to do a little cooking the past couple of weeks . The kids have really gotten tired of making themselves soup for dinner every night . I still need a lot of help from the kids because if I walk too much , my leg gets really painful . I made fried chicken breasts the other day with Alex as my assistant . I only make them about twice a year since fried food is a no no , but Shauna had a craving and Mike and Jack had purchased a bunch of chicken breast on a very good sale . They were yummy ! Jack made everyone flavored noodles last night . They are packaged and not healthy , but they are really cheap and I only had about half the amount of grocery money I actually need for a week , so they had to do . The kids love them and that is the only thing that Jack knows how to cook without using the microwave ! I 've offered to teach him to cook , but his reply is always " That 's a woman 's job . " I can 't wait until he gets married and his wife beats the crap out of him for saying that ! After most of the kids were in bed , I made the batter for chocolate ice cream . It had to cool in the fridge after cooking , so we are going to freeze it later , after adding some crushed double stuff oreos to it . I have been hiding a package of oreos in my dresser drawer for this recipe . I just hope no one discovered the stash and ate them ! It is getting harder and harder to find good hiding places around here . Then when I do think of a new hiding place , I always forget where it is ! Hopefully the ice cream will be good . This is my first attempt at making chocolate ice cream and my first time using an ice cream recipe that involves cooking some of the ingredients . Last night , at 10 : 00 pm , as I was watching the end of Ghost Hunters and preparing to go to bed , the phone rang . As usual , Steven had left the hand held outside on the front porch , so I just let the machine get it . I then hear a message from a woman who leaves her name and number and tells me that my son said a racial slur to her son on the bus today and told him that no blacks were allowed in the back of the bus and she would like to discuss it with me . Hmmmm , I have two sons that go to two different schools on the bus , is she talking about Luke or Alex ? I can 't imagine either one of them ever doing what she claimed they did . I first woke Luke up for questioning . I was actually thinking that it might have been his friend , who lately everyone thinks is my son for some reason ! I explained to Luke what happened and of course he told me that he would NEVER use a racial slur or say anything like that to anyone . He said , " I have black sisters , why would I say something like that . " I told him that I didn 't believe he would , but I wanted to check if maybe someone around him had said it . Next , I woke Alex up . Again , I explained the situation and got pretty much the same reaction . He also said , " I would NEVER say that to anyone , my two little sisters are black ! . " He also told me that there were only two black kids on the bus and one is Hannah ! He also said that he and Hannah really like that boy ( who just moved here ) and they had played with him several times at the pool this summer . So I called the woman back in the morning and she didn 't answer so I left a message , telling her that I would like to talk to her , too . As of now , she hasn 't returned my call yet . Alex was called to the counselor 's office today . When he walked in she said , " Why do you look so nervous ? " He said he wasn 't nervous , but I bet any kid would be nervous , just for being called down , even if they were innocent . He said that she acted like she was sure he had done this , although he said that after he explained everything to her and named the girl he was siPosted by I haven 't been posting for the past few days just because I didn 't feel like it . I actually had a few bad days , pain - wise , and I was pretty discouraged . The last two days have been better . Hannah had a pretty big rage on Saturday and a HUGE one on Sunday . Part of my pain setback was due to the bruises I received during her rage , on my arms and legs . I have never had bruises that were so painful and hope to never have them again . I had to take Ibuprofen around the clock for 5 days , just to cut the pain from the bruises . Jack and Mike were also kicked and punched , but aside from one big bruise on Mike 's leg , they emerged pretty much injury free . I don 't feel like going into details about the rages , too depressing . Hannah is now grounded for a week and she is having a fit because she is invited to a sleep - over birthday party for one of her friends on Saturday and she can 't go . I hope that doesn 't cause another rage . She was a witch with a capital B on Monday , Tuesday , and Wednesday , but was a bit better behaved to day . Yesterday , I had such a nice day ! This requires a little background information , so bear with me . When I was a kid , we had a family that lived across the street from us that we were great friends with . My mom and Sharon were best friends and our whole family hung out together , went on vacation together , etc . They had a son my age , Jeff , who was my first best friend , a daughter , Jill , two years younger than me , a son , Joel , about 3 years younger than me , a son , Kurt , 4 years younger than me and then , after they moved to another nearby town when Jeff and I were in third grade , they had another son , Troy , who is about 10 or 12 years younger than me . After they moved , we kept in touch and saw them every year at first , but then every few years after a while . The last time I saw them , was three days before I moved to VA , when we saw them at their grandmother 's wake . Anyway , I was messing around on the internet in June and I did a search to see if maybe Jeff or Jill had a myspace or someway that I could contact them . I found an obituary for Sharon , who had died last February . I was shocked and upset . She was such a sweet lady and not that old . In fact , the day that my baby brother died , my sister and I were staying at their house and Sharon is the one who told me the news . She was so gentle and nice about it . I told my mom that Sharon had died and she , too , was very upset . The next day , she called Ralph , Sharon 's husband . They started talking on the phone pretty often and Ralph decided to come out to VA to visit , as he is a big history buff and loves the south . He and Sharon had moved to Georgia before she died . So , I had my PT appointment . My pain had escalated last week , so the appt . was very relaxing and relieved a lot of my pain . My mom and Ralph took me to the appointment and then I went to my mom 's house with them after wards . We sat on her deck and talked and I was able to get caught up on how all of Ralph 's kids are doing and how their kids are doing . It was so relaxing and fun , no kids , no stress , just fun . RalpPosted by After almost dying a couple of months ago , you would think Wrigley would have learned not to stick his nose into places it doesn 't belong . He came in today with an extremely itchy snout . At least he didn 't go into shock this time , but it appears he was stung by something . We immediately gave him a dose of Benadryl ( eat your heart out , GracieGirl ! ! ) and put some hydro cortisone cream on it . It is still itchy but seems to be lessening . I think we have a next of some type of stinging insect in the back yard , in the netting that was used when the front yard was seeded . Hannah also got stung a few months ago , when she stepped on the pile of netting . The dog loves to stick his nose into the netting , looking for whatever it is that dogs look for . This morning Shauna decided to wear a pair of pink pants , covered with hearts , all in different shades of pink . For her top , she chose a red and white stripe . When I saw her I told her she needed to change because her outfit didn 't match . She immediately started yelling at me , asking why does she have to match , I like these clothes , etc . I tried to explain that you shouldn 't wear a striped shirt with heavily patterned pants , but she didn 't really want to hear it . She stomped out , slamming the door behind her , still making angry comments . She came back a few minutes later with the same shirt and a pair of solid colored light pink pants . I still wasn 't thrilled with her choices , but I figured that was better than her first choice . I want her to be independent and make her own choices , but she is in fifth grade and I think kids might make fun of her for odd fashion choices . It seems that fifth grade is the year that most of the girls start to become really aware of fashion . Apparently , Shauna isn 't in that phase yet ! About a week ago , I mentioned that a friend had told me about an audition that Alex might be interested in and I was debating whether or not to let him audition for that role . Well , I wanted to ignore it , but I felt too guilty , since I know he has been dying to do something with this community theater for a long time . Last night , he went to the audition . Jack drove him and we expected it to be a quick audition and then he would come home and wait and hope for a call saying he got a part . Well , he ended up being there for almost two hours and he got a lead - kid part ! He is so excited because this will be his biggest part as of yet and this play runs for 4 weeks , with 21 performances . He got the part of Tommy Banks , the son of the " Father of the Bride " . Rehearsals started tonight and the first performance will be on November 6th . One of the things about Hannah is that she just CANNOT learn by warnings or by seeing mistakes made by others . She has to experience something herself before she will believe it . Even then , she might have to experience it many times before she truly believes . Last night she came downstairs with a bath towel wrapped around her foot and told me she had stepped on broken glass in her room , but that she had pulled the glass out and her foot was bleeding . I was so proud of her for handling it so calmly , no tears or anything . At first we thought it was glass from Shauna 's snow globe which had broken the night before , but upon further investigation , it was a light bulb . Hannah always takes the light bulbs out of her ceiling fan light when they burn out . She also never throws them away , just leaves them wherever they happen to land . If we are lucky that would be on the dresser or a shelf , but more often than not , they end up on the floor . I asked her if she learned anything about light bulbs and she said she sure did ! She went off to school this morning , but ended up coming home about 10 : 00 because her foot was hurting . I 'm still up in the air about taking her to the doctor to have it checked out . It doesn 't look too deep , but since it is on the bottom of her foot , it might have trouble healing . The tropical storm never made it to a hurricane and by the time it got to us , it had pretty much fizzled out . Not that I 'm complaining , but now we have a ton of bottled water to drink ! We were prepared for a storm that would be at least as bad , if not worse than Hurricane Isabel that hit us 5 years ago and did significant damage in our town . Preparing for Hanna was a lot of work . For some reason , Mike decided that he wasn 't going to help secure the house and yard , so Jack and Luke stepped in and completely cleared the back deck and back yard , and the front porch . They brought the patio table , umbrella and two bbq grills and a bunch of other stuff into the sunroom . Alex cleared his whole upstairs porch , with a little help from Shauna . Jack and Luke also secured the garbage cans and brought the generator up to the porch . I 'm not sure why Mike didn 't think it was worth the effort to make sure his family was safe . This storm could have easily produced much higher winds than it did , so we were very lucky . Hannah met a girl who has recently moved into our neighborhood on the first day of school . She has gone to play with this girl , Rebecca , several times over the past week . Hannah also has two friends that she started hanging out with last year , Alexus and Meagan . They are also hanging around with Rebecca . Yesterday , Rebecca invited all three girls to sleep over at her house . Her mom , knowing the hurricane / tropical storm was approaching , told Rebecca that they could stay another time . This afternoon , Hannah goes over to play with Rebecca and is informed that Alexus and Meagan are staying overnight tonight , but she is now uninvited because Rebecca 's mom said she could only have two guests . Of course , Hannah is heartbroken and starts crying , the girls then laugh at her . Alex was either there with Hannah or Hannah came home and told him the story at this point , I 'm not sure which . Anyway , Alex ends up over there with Hannah and tells Rebecca that she is rude and mean to tell Hannah that she can 't stay overnight now . Rebecca then starts to cry and gets her mom . The mom basically tells Hannah and Alex , too bad , I only allow two kids over at a time . Then she tells him , if I let Hannah stay too , I might as well invite 40 kids . Alex , politely says to her , " Well , it really hurts Hannah 's feelings because she was invited , too , and it isn 't fair to her to be the only one left out . " Again , the mom tells them that Hannah is not welcome tonight . A few hours later , this mom shows up at our door and asks to talk to me . I hobbled out there , not too anxious to talk to someone who could be so hurtful to a kid . Anyway , she introduced herself and proceeds to tell me that Hannah left her jacket at her house and she was returning it . Rebecca is with her , but she did not come all the way up to the door . She stood on the landing , where the stairs turn and I could only see the side of her head , she had her head forward so her hair would cover her face . Then the mom gives me the same story about only allowing two kids over at a time and thatPosted by No , I didn 't spell Hannah wrong ! Hurricane Hanna is heading towards us and expected to hit us this weekend . Hurricane Hannah is a Category 5 and is already here ! Our Hurricane Hannah bursts through the door after school and wakes in the morning with an attitude that can only be described in one word and that word begins with a B and ends in a chy . I 'm hoping and praying that this will be a short - lived storm . I 'm not sure if it is PMS or the adjustment to a new school and school year or both , but she is in rare form this week . But what do I know anyway ? I 'm " fat , stupid and ugly " , and I " don 't know anything about fashion and middle school " because I am " soooooooooooo stupid " and I need to " mind my own business " . Today is our 26th wedding anniversary . We aren 't doing anything to celebrate since Mike is in Northern VA at work and I am at home . Boy , 26 years sure goes by fast ! Well , this afternoon , my boss called me and told me that they are canceling the youth hockey program that I direct . That didn 't surprise me all that much , but he also talked about how adult hockey would still be going on . Since I work at adult hockey as well , I figured at least I still have half of my job and my three older kids , who are obsessed with hockey , will still be able to play , since they have outgrown the kids league anyway . My boss also told me that maybe we can see what is going on in January and possibly still have the Winter League for youth . A few hours later , I received an email from the adult hockey referee informing me that not only has the sports complex canceled youth hockey , they have actually decided to remove the entire hockey rink from the facility ! Since they are removing the rink on December 1st , I 'm wondering where my boss thought we would play hockey . This is going to be a MAJOR life change for our family , since we are so heavily involved in inline hockey . Our only options now are for the kids to quit playing or to travel to another town about 35 minutes away to play ice hockey . Ice hockey is incredibly expensive , so that probably isn 't an option . A friend emailed me an audition notice from a community theater group that is looking for young teen males for a role that would run from the beginning of October until the beginning of December . I 'm not sure if I want to tell him about it because he and Hannah got parts in a play with them a couple of years ago and I hated it . For starters , the theater is about 15 or 20 minutes from home and they practice every day . Secondly , they have kept them as late as midnight for rehearsals on school nights and then they got mad at me when I said they couldn 't stay that late ! Alex was 11 and Hannah was only 9 . I got " talked to " more than once because I took them out early . I ended up getting so frustrated that I wanted to pull them out a few days before the play started , but they loved it so I had to just suck it up . I also found out from my friend that she is getting her daughter an agent . Alex is going to freak out when he hears that because he has been begging me to get him an agent for years . Ugh ! I don 't think I 'm cut out to me a " stage mom " ! Just kidding , but that song tends to pop into my head every once in a while ! It is an old country western song that I thought was hysterical when I was a kid . Anyway , the four youngest kids are off to their first day of school . Hannah was up early today because she was so excited and she got ready without any fuss or tantruming . How I wish I could count on her to act like that every morning ! Shauna looked so pretty with her new braids , I 'm going to try to remember to take pictures after school , since I totally forgot this morning . Mike left for the DMV with Luke at 7 : 45 am , only to find out that it doesn 't even open until 9 : 00 . So they waited and Luke almost didn 't pass the eye exam . He has an appointment next week for new contacts . He had to take it twice , but he squeaked through . He also passed the written test so he won 't have to drop driver 's ed this semester . Jack and Steven are going up to DC to pick up a used car for Luke that one of Mike 's co - workers is selling . I will be so happy when all the older boys are driving and they all have drivable cars . It will be a huge help to me . Steven is busy paying us off for the months we had to make his car payments and insurance payments , but when he gets that paid off , he is going to start saving for a new transmission for his car . Even though we planned ahead and have had all the school supplies for a few weeks , today was still a hectic day . Shauna went to her friend , Cierra 's house , so Cierra 's sister , Raven could braid her hair . That meant I had to comb it out , wash it , condition it , comb again with conditioner still in , and then rinse , comb again , blow dry , and comb one last time . That was fun . Her hair looks beautiful , but she has a headache from the braiding . I keep telling her to tell Raven if it hurts and she won 't braid it quite so tightly , but she won 't tell her . She took some ibuprofen and I 'm sure the headache will be gone in the morning . She also has a stomach ache , but that is probably just nervousness about school tomorrow . She has a hard time with transitions . Tonight I braided Hannah 's hair , as she had decided that she wanted the front part french braided and then the back part loose so she could pull it into a pony . She sat pretty still for a change , so it didn 't take as long as I had anticipated . Now I just hope she doesn 't change her mind about the style in the morning , like she usually does ! She just came down dressed in the clothes she had picked out for tomorrow , ugh . She usually insists on sleeping in her clothes for the next day , which drives me crazy . Luke is being a disrespectful brat today , which isn 't like him at all . He starts driver 's ed tomorrow and has to bring his permit on the first day or he has to drop the class . He has already failed the test twice and only has one chance to pass it or he will have to pay extra for extra classes . The only reason he didn 't pass the first two times was because he didn 't study properly . He isn 't interested in studying now . We talked to the driver 's ed teacher last week at open house and he gave Luke permission to skip class tomorrow and go take the permit test again . I have my doubts about whether he will pass it this time because he refuses to study . I think I 'm going to have to take his computer and PSP away since that is all he cares about . He is buying himself a car thiPosted by My name is Michelle and I live in VA with my husband of 29 years , Mike and our 7 kids . Jack 28 , Drew 26 , Steven 22 , Luke 20 , Alex 17 , Hannah 15 and Shauna 14 . We have 8 cats and one dog . |
In early 1993 , when I was 12 , I was separated from my family as the Sierra Leone civil war , which began two years earlier , came into my life . The rebel army , known as the Revolutionary United Front ( R . U . F . ) , attacked my town in the southern part of the country . I ran away , along paths and roads that were littered with dead bodies , some mutilated in ways so horrible that looking at them left a permanent scar on my memory . I ran for days , weeks and months , and I couldn 't believe that the simple and precious world I had known , where nights were celebrated with storytelling and dancing and mornings greeted with the singing of birds and cock crows , was now a place where only guns spoke and sometimes it seemed even the sun hesitated to shine . After I discovered that my parents and two brothers had been killed , I felt even more lost and worthless in a world that had become pregnant with fear and suspicion as neighbor turned against neighbor and child against parent . Surviving each passing minute was nothing short of a miracle . I have never been so afraid to go anywhere in my life as I was that first day . As we walked into the arms of the forest , tears began to form in my eyes , but I struggled to hide them and gripped my gun for comfort . We exhaled quietly , afraid that our own breathing could cause our deaths . The lieutenant led the line that I was in . He raised his fist in the air , and we stopped moving . Then he slowly brought it down , and we sat on one heel , our eyes surveying the forest . We began to move swiftly among the bushes until we came to the edge of a swamp , where we formed an ambush , aiming our guns into the bog . We lay flat on our stomachs and waited . I was lying next to my friend Josiah . At 11 , he was even younger than I was . Musa , a friend my age , 13 , was also nearby . I looked around to see if I could catch their eyes , but they were concentrating on the invisible target in the swamp . The tops of my eyes began to ache , and the pain slowly rose up to my head . My ears became warm , and tears were running down my cheeks , even though I wasn 't crying . The veins on my arms stood out , and I could feel them pulsating as if they had begun to breathe of their own accord . We waited in the quiet , as hunters do . The silence tormented me . The short trees in the swamp began to shake as the rebels made their way through them . They weren 't yet visible , but the lieutenant had passed the word down through a whisper that was relayed like a row of falling dominos : " Fire on my command . " As we watched , a group of men dressed in civilian clothes emerged from under the tiny bushes . They waved their hands , and more fighters came out . Some were boys , as young as we were . They sat together in line , waving their hands , discussing a strategy . My lieutenant ordered a rocket - propelled grenade ( RPG ) to be fired , but the commander of the rebels heard it as it whooshed its way out of the forest . " Retreat ! " he called out to his men , and the grenade 's blast got only a few rebels , whose split bodies flew in the air . The explosion was followed by an exchange of gunfire from both sides . I lay there with my gun pointed in front of me , unable to shoot . My index finger became numb . I felt as if the forest had turned upside down and I was going to fall off , so I clutched the base of a tree with one hand . I couldn 't think , but I could hear the sounds of the guns far away in the distance and the cries of people dying in pain . A splash of blood hit my face . In my reverie I had opened my mouth a bit , so I tasted some of the blood . As I spat it out and wiped it off my face , I saw the soldier it had come from . Blood poured out of the bullet holes in him like water rushing through newly opened tributaries . His eyes were wide open ; he still held his gun . My eyes were fixed on him when I heard Josiah screaming for his mother in the most painfully piercing voice I had ever heard . It vibrated inside my head to the point that I felt my brain had shaken loose from its anchor . I searched for Josiah . An RPG had tossed his tiny body off the ground , and he had landed on a tree stump . He wiggled his legs as his cry gradually came to an end . There was blood everywhere . It seemed as if bullets were falling into the forest from all angles . I crawled to Josiah and looked into his eyes . There were tears in them , and his lips were shaking , but he couldn 't speak . As I watched him , the water in his eyes was replaced with blood that quickly turned his brown eyes red . He reached for my shoulder as if to pull himself up . But midway , he stopped moving . The gunshots faded in my head , and it was as if my heart had stopped and the whole world had come to a standstill . I covered his eyes with my fingers and lifted him from the tree stump . His backbone had been shattered . I placed him flat on the ground and picked up my gun . I didn 't realize that I had stood up to take Josiah off the tree stump . I felt someone tugging at my foot . It was the corporal ; he was saying something that I couldn 't understand . His mouth moved , and he looked terrified . He pulled me down , and as I hit the ground , I felt my brain shaking in my skull again , and my deafness gave way . " Get down , " he was screaming . " Shoot , " he said , as he crawled away from me to resume his position . As I looked to where he lay , my eyes caught Musa , whose head was covered with blood . His hands looked too relaxed . I turned toward the swamp , where there were gunmen running , trying to cross over . My face , my hands , my shirt and my gun were drenched in blood . I raised my gun and pulled the trigger , and I killed a man . Suddenly all the death I had seen since the day I was touched by war began flashing in my head . Every time I stopped shooting to change magazines and saw my two lifeless friends , I angrily pointed my gun into the swamp and killed more people . I shot everything that moved , until we were ordered to retreat because we needed another plan . We took the guns and ammunition off the bodies of my friends and left them there in the forest , which had taken on a life of its own , as if it had trapped the souls that had departed from the dead . The branches of the trees seemed to be holding hands and bowing their heads in prayer . In the swamp , crabs had already begun feasting on the eyes of the dead . Limbs and fragmented skulls lay on top of the bog , and the water in the swamp was stagnant with blood . I was not afraid of these lifeless bodies . I despised them and kicked them to flip them and take their guns . I found a G3 and some ammunition . I noticed that most of the dead gunmen and boys wore lots of jewelry on their necks and wrists . We arrived in the village , our base , with nightfall and sat against the walls of houses . It was quiet , and perhaps afraid of the silence , we began cleaning the blood off our guns , oiling their chambers , and shooting them into the air to test their effectiveness . I went for supper that night but was unable to eat . I only drank water and felt nothing . I lay on my back in the tent with my AK - 47 on my chest and the G3 I had taken from a dead rebel leaning on the peg of the tent . Nothing happened in my head . It was a void , and I stared at the roof of the tent until I was miraculously able to doze off . I had a dream that I was picking up Josiah from the tree stump and a gunman stood on top of me . He placed his gun against my forehead . I immediately woke up from my dream and began shooting inside the tent , until the 30 rounds in the magazine were finished . The corporal and the lieutenant came in afterward and took me outside . I was sweating , and they threw water on my face and gave me a few white capsules . They were the same capsules that we 'd all been given before we had gone into battle , and to this day , I do not know what they contained . I stayed up all night and couldn 't sleep for days . We went out two more times that week , and I had no problem shooting my gun . After that first week of going out on raids to kill people we deemed our rebel enemies or sympathizers of the rebels , our initiation was complete . We stayed put at the base , and we boys took turns guarding posts around the village . We smoked marijuana and sniffed " brown brown , " cocaine mixed with gunpowder , which was always spread out on a table near the ammunition hut , and of course I took more of the white capsules , as I had become addicted to them . The first time I took all these drugs at the same time , I began to perspire so much that I took off all my clothes . My body shook , my sight became blurred and I lost my hearing for several minutes . I walked around the village restlessly . But after several doses of these drugs , all I felt was numbness to everything and so much energy that I couldn 't sleep for weeks . We watched war movies at night , Rambo " First Blood , " " Rambo , First Blood , Part II , " " Commando " and so on , with the aid of a generator or a car battery . We all wanted to be like Rambo ; we couldn 't wait to implement his techniques . When we ran out of supplies , we raided rebel camps in towns , villages and forests . " We have good news from our informants " the lieutenant would announce . " We are moving out in five minutes to kill some rebels and take their supplies , which really belong to us . " He often made speeches about how we were defending our country , how honorable we were . At these times , I would stand holding my gun and feeling special because I was part of something that took me seriously and I was not running from anyone anymore . The lieutenant 's face evinced confidence ; his smiles disappeared before they were completed . We would tie our heads with the green cloths that distinguished us from the rebels , and we boys would lead the way . There were no maps and no questions asked . We were simply told to follow the path until we received instructions on what to do next . We walked for long hours and stopped only to eat sardines and corned beef with gari , sniff brown brown and take more white capsules . The combination of these drugs made us fierce . The idea of death didn 't cross my mind , and killing had become as easy as drinking water . After that first killing , my mind had stopped making remorseful records , or so it seemed . Before we got to a rebel camp , we would deviate from the path and walk in the forest . Once the camp was in sight , we would surround it and wait for the lieutenant 's command . The rebels roamed about ; some sat against walls , dozing off , and others , boys as young as we , stood at guard posts passing around marijuana . Whenever I looked at rebels during raids , my entire body shook with fury ; they were the people who had shot my friends and family . So when the lieutenant gave orders , I shot as many as I could , but I didn 't feel better . After every gunfight , we would enter the rebel camp , killing those we had wounded . We would then search the houses and gather gallons of gasoline , enormous amounts of marijuana and cocaine , bales of clothes , watches , rice , salt , gari and many other things . We rounded up any civilians - men , women , boys and young girls - hiding in the huts and houses and made them carry our loot back to the base . We shot them if they tried to run away . On one of these raids , we captured a few rebels after a long gunfight and a lot of civilian casualties . We undressed the prisoners and tied their arms behind their backs until their chests were tight as drums . " Where did you get all this ammunition from ? " the corporal asked one of the prisoners , a man with an almost dreadlocked beard . He spat in the corporal 's face , and the corporal immediately shot him in the head at close range . He fell to the ground , and blood slowly leaked out of his head . We cheered in admiration of the corporal 's action and saluted him as he walked by . Suddenly , a rebel hiding in the bushes shot one of our boys . We dispersed around the village in search of the shooter . When the young muscular rebel was captured , the lieutenant slit his neck with his bayonet . The rebel ran before he fell to the ground and stopped moving . We cheered again , raising our guns in the air , shouting and whistling . During that time , a lot of things were done with no reason or explanation . Sometimes we were asked to leave for war in the middle of a movie . We would come back hours later after killing many people and continue the movie as if we had just returned from intermission . We were always either on the front lines , watching a war movie or doing drugs . There was no time to be alone or to think . When we conversed with one another , we talked only about the movies and how impressed we were with the way either the lieutenant , the corporal or one of us had killed someone . It was as if nothing else existed . The villages that we captured and turned into our bases as we went along and the forests that we slept in became my home . My squad was my family , my gun was my provider and protector and my rule was to kill or be killed . The extent of my thoughts didn 't go much beyond that . We had been fighting for more than two years , and killing had become a daily activity . I felt no pity for anyone . My childhood had gone by without my knowing , and it seemed as if my heart had frozen . I knew that day and night came and went because of the presence of the moon and the sun , but I had no idea whether it was a Sunday or a Friday . One morning that month , a truck came to the village where we were based . Four men dressed in clean blue jeans and white T - shirts that said " Unicef " in big blue letters jumped out . They were shown to the lieutenant 's house . It seemed as if he had been expecting them . As they sat talking on the veranda , we watched them from under the mango tree , where we sat cleaning our guns . Soon all the boys were told to line up for the lieutenant who selected a few of us and asked the adult soldiers to take away our guns and ammunition . A bunch of boys , including my friend Alhaji and me , were ushered to the truck . I stared back at the veranda where the lieutenant now stood , looking in the other direction , toward the forest , his hands crossed behind his back . I still didn 't know exactly what was going on , but I was beginning to get angry and anxious . Why had the lieutenant decided to give us up to these civilians ? We thought that we were part of the war until the end . We were on the road for hours . I had gotten used to always moving and hadn 't sat in one place idly for a long time . It was night when the truck stopped at a center , where there were other boys whose appearances , red eyes and somber faces resembled ours . Alhaji and I looked at this group , and he asked the boys who they were . A boy who was sitting on the stoop angrily said : " We fought for the R . U . F . ; the army is the enemy . We fought for freedom , and the army killed my family and destroyed my village . I will kill any of those army bastards every time I get a chance to do so . " The boy took off his shirt to fight , and on his arm was the R . U . F . brand . Mambu , one of the boys on our side , shouted , " They are rebels , " and reached for his bayonet , which he had hidden in his army shorts ; most of us had hidden either a knife or a grenade before our guns were taken from us . Before Mambu could grab his weapon , the R . U . F . boy punched him in the face . He fell , and when he got up , his nose was bleeding . The rebel boys drew out the few bayonets they had in their shorts and rushed toward us . It was war all over again . Perhaps the naïve men who had taken us to the center thought that removing us from the war would lessen our hatred for the R . U . F . It hadn 't crossed their minds that a change of environment wouldn 't immediately make us normal boys ; we were dangerous , brainwashed to kill . One boy grabbed my neck from behind . He was squeezing for the kill , and I couldn 't use my bayonet effectively , so I elbowed him with all my might until he let go . He was holding his stomach when I turned around and stabbed him in his foot . The bayonet stuck , so I pulled it out with force . He fell , and I began kicking him in the face . As I went to deliver the final blow with my bayonet , someone came from behind me and sliced my hand with his knife . It was a rebel boy , and he was about to kick me down when he fell on his face . Alhaji had stabbed him in the back . He pulled the knife out , and we started kicking the boy until he stopped moving . I wasn 't sure whether he was unconscious or dead . I didn 't care . No one screamed or cried during the fight . After all , we had been doing such things for years and were all still on drugs . We continued to stab and slice one another until a bunch of MPs came running through the gate toward the fight . The MPs fired a few rounds into the air to get us to stop , but we were still fighting , so they had to part us by force . They placed some of us at gunpoint and kicked others apart . Six people were killed : two on our side and four on the rebel side . As MPs stood guard to make sure we didn 't start another fight , we , the army boys , went to the kitchen to look for food . We ate and chatted about the fight . Mambu told us that he had plucked an eye out of the head of one of the R . U . F . boys , and that the boy ran to punch him , but he couldn 't see , so he ran into the wall , banging his head hard and fainting . We laughed and picked up Mambu , raising him in the air . We needed the violence to cheer us after a whole day of boring travel and contemplation about why our superiors had let us go . That night we were moved to a rehabilitation center called Benin Home . Benin Home was run by a local NGO called Children Associated With the War , in Kissy neighborhood , on the eastern outskirts of Freetown , the capital . This time , the MPs made sure to search us thoroughly before we entered . The blood of our victims and enemies was fresh on our arms and clothes . My lieutenant 's words still echoed in my head : " From now on , we kill any rebel we see , no prisoners . " I smiled a bit , happy that we had taken care of the rebel boys , but I also began to wonder again : Why had we been taken here ? I walked up and down on the veranda , restless in my new environment . My head began to hurt . It was infuriating to be told what to do by civilians . Their voices , even when they called us for breakfast , enraged me so much that I would punch the wall , my locker or anything nearby . A few days earlier , we could have decided whether they would live or die . We refused to do anything that we were asked to do , except eat . At the end of every meal , the staff members and nurses came to talk to us about attending the scheduled medical checkups and the one - on - one counseling sessions that we hated at the minihospital that was part of Benin Home . As soon as the live - in staff , mostly men , started telling us what to do , we would throw bowls , spoons , food and benches at them . We would chase them out of the dining hall and beat them . One afternoon , after we had chased off several staff members , we placed a bucket over the cook 's head and pushed him around the kitchen until he burned his hand on a boiling pot and agreed to put more milk in our tea . During that same week , the drugs were wearing off . I craved cocaine and marijuana so badly that I would roll a plain sheet of paper and smoke it . Sometimes I searched the pockets of my army shorts , which I still wore , for crumbs of marijuana or cocaine . We broke into the minihospital and stole some painkillers - white tablets and off - white - and red and yellow capsules . We emptied the capsules , ground the tablets and mixed them together . But the mixture didn 't give us the effect we wanted . We got more upset day by day and , as a result , resorted to more violence . We began to fight one another day and night . We would fight for hours for no reason at all . At first the staff would intervene , but after a while they just let us go . They couldn 't really stop us , and perhaps they thought that we would get this out of our systems . During these fights , we destroyed most of the furniture and threw the mattresses out in the yard . We would stop to wipe the blood off our lips , arms and legs only when the bell rang for mealtime . It had been more than a month , and some of us had almost gone through the withdrawal stage , even though there were still instances of vomiting and collapsing at unexpected moments . These outbreaks ended , for most of us , at the end of the second month . But we now had time to think ; the fastened mantle of our war memories slowly began to open . We resorted to more violence to avoid summoning thoughts of our recent lives . Whenever I turned on the faucet , all I could see was blood gushing out . I would stare at it until it looked like water before drinking or taking a shower . Boys sometimes ran out of the hall screaming , " The rebels are coming . " Other times , the younger ones sat weeping and telling us that nearby rocks were their dead families . It took several months before I began to relearn how to sleep without the aid of medicine . But even when I was finally able to fall asleep , I would start awake less than an hour later . I would dream that a faceless gunman had tied me up and begun to slit my throat with the zigzag edge of his bayonet . I would feel the pain that the knife inflicted as the man sawed my neck . I 'd wake up sweating and throwing punches in the air . I would run outside to the middle of the soccer field , sit on a stone and rock back and forth , my arms wrapped around my legs . I would try desperately to think about my childhood , but I couldn 't . The fighting memories seemed to have formed a barrier that I had to break in order to think about any moment before the war . On those mornings , I would feel one of the staff members wrap a blanket around me , saying : " This isn 't your fault , you know . It really isn 't . You 'll get through this . " He would then pull me up and walk me back to the hall . One day after I 'd been in Benin Home for more than three months , I was sent to the minihospital for a checkup . The nurse on duty was named Esther . I had met her once before when I was sent to the minihospital after cutting my hand punching a window . Esther wore a white uniform and a white hat . Her white teeth contrasted with her dark , shiny skin , and when she smiled , her face glowed . She was tall and had big brown eyes that were kind and inviting . She must have been about 30 , which I thought was too old . That day , before Esther examined me , she gave me a present , a Walkman and a Run - DMC tape . I used to listen to rap music a lot before the war and loved it because of its poetic use of words . I put the headphones on and didn 't mind being examined because the song had taken hold of me , and I listened closely to every word . But when she began examining my legs and saw the nasty scars on my left shin , she took my headphones off and asked , " How did you get these scars ? " Her face filled with sorrow , and her voice was shaking when she spoke : " You have to tell me what happened so I can prescribe treatment . " At first I was reluctant , but she said she would be able to treat me effectively only if I told her what happened , especially about how my bullet wounds were treated . So I told her the whole story not because I really wanted to but because I thought that if I told her some of the truth of my war years , she would be afraid of me and would cease asking questions . She listened attentively when I began to talk : During the second dry season of my war years , we were low on food and ammunition . So as usual , we decided to attack another village , which was a three - day walk away . We left our base that evening , stopping once a day to eat , drink and take drugs . Each of us had two guns , one strapped to our backs , the other held in our hands . On the evening of the third day , the village was in sight . Surrounding it , we waited for the lieutenant 's command . As we lay in ambush , we began to realize that the place was empty . We were beginning to suspect that something was amiss when a shot was fired from behind us . It was clear now : we were being ambushed . We ended up in a fight that lasted more than 24 hours . We lost several men and boys . When we finally seemed to have captured the village , we began to look around for anything we could find . I was filling my backpack with ammunition from a hut when bullets began to rain on the village again . I was hit three times in my left shin . The first two bullets went in and out , and the last one stayed inside . I couldn 't walk , so I lay on the ground and released an entire round of the magazine into the bush where the bullets had come from . I remember feeling a tingle in my spine , but I was too drugged to really feel the pain , even though my leg had begun to swell . The sergeant doctor in my squad dragged me into one of the houses and tried to remove the bullet . Each time he raised his hands from my wound , I saw my blood all over his fingers . My eyes began to grow heavy , and I fainted . I do not know what happened , but when I woke the next day , I felt as if I had nails hammered into the bones of my shin and my veins were being chiseled . I felt so much pain that I was unable to cry out loud ; tears just fell from my eyes . The ceiling of the thatched - roof house where I was lying on a bed was blurry . My eyes struggled to become familiar with my surroundings . The gunfire had ceased and the village was quiet , so I assumed that the attackers had been successfully driven away . I felt a brief relief for that , but the pain in my leg returned . I tucked my lips in , closed my heavy eyelids and held tight to the edges of the wooden bed . I heard the footsteps of people entering the house . They stood by my bed , and as soon as they began to speak , I recognized their voices . " The boy is suffering , and we have no medicine here to lessen his pain . Everything is at our former base . " The sergeant doctor sighed and continued . " It will take six days to send someone to get the medicine and return . He will die from the pain by then . " " We have to send him to the former base , then , " I heard my lieutenant saying . " We need those provisions from that base , anyway . Do all you can to make sure that the boy stays alive , " he said and walked out . " Yes , sir , " the sergeant doctor said . I slowly opened my eyes , and this time I could see clearly . I looked at his sweaty face and tried to smile a little . After having heard what they said , I swore to myself that I would fight hard and do anything for my squad after my leg was healed . Two soldiers came into the house , took me off the bed , placed me in a hammock and carried me outside . The treetops of the village began to spin around as they carried me out . The journey felt as if it took a month . I fainted and awoke many times , and each time I opened my eyes , it seemed as if the voices of those who carried me were fading into the distance . Finally we got to the base , and the sergeant doctor , who had come along , went to work on me . I was injected with something . I was given cocaine , which I frantically demanded . The doctor started operating on me before the drugs took effect . The other soldiers held my hands and stuffed a cloth into my mouth . The doctor stuck a crooked - looking scissorslike tool inside my wound and fished for the bullet . I could feel the edge of the metal inside me . My entire body was racked with pain . Just when I thought I had had enough , the doctor abruptly pulled the bullet out . A piercing pain rushed up my spine from my waist to the back of my neck . I fainted . When I regained consciousness , it was the morning of the next day , and the drugs had kicked in . I reached my hands down to my leg and felt the bandage before I stood up and limped outside , where some soldiers and the sergeant were sitting . " Where is my weapon ? " I asked them . The sergeant handed me my G3 , and I began cleaning it . I shot a couple of rounds sitting against a wall , ignoring the bandage on my leg and everyone else . I smoked marijuana , ate and snorted cocaine and brown brown . That was all I did for a few days before we went back to the new base we had captured . When we left , we threw kerosene on the thatched - roof houses , lighted them with matches and fired a couple of RPGs into the walls . We always destroyed the bases we abandoned so that rebel squads wouldn 't be able to use them . Two soldiers carried me in the hammock , but this time I had my gun , and I looked left and right as we traveled the forest path . At the new base , I stayed put for three weeks . Then one day , we heard that a rebel group was on its way to attack our village . I tightened the bandage around my shin , picked up my gun and followed my squad to ambush them . We killed most of the attackers and captured a few whom we brought back to base . " These are the men responsible for the bullet holes in your leg . It 's time to make sure they never shoot at you or your comrades . " The lieutenant pointed at the prisoners . I was not sure if one of the captives was the shooter , but any captive would do at that time . They were all lined up , six of them , with their hands tied . I shot them in their shins and watched them suffer for an entire day before finally deciding to shoot them in the head so that they would stop crying . Before I shot each man , I looked at him and saw how his eyes gave up hope and steadied before I pulled the trigger . I found their somber eyes irritating . When I finished telling Esther the story , she had tears in her eyes , and she couldn 't decide whether to rub my head , a traditional gesture indicating that things would be well , or hug me . In the end she did neither but said : " None of what happened was your fault . You were just a little boy , and anytime you want to tell me anything , I am here to listen . " She stared at me , trying to catch my eye so she could assure me of what she had just said . I became angry and regretted that I had told someone , a civilian , about my experience . I hated the " It is not your fault " line that all the staff members said every time anyone spoke about the war . I got up , and as I started walking out of the hospital , Esther said , " I will arrange a full checkup for you . " She paused and then continued : " Let me keep the Walkman . You don 't want the others to envy you and steal it . I will be here every day , so you can come and listen to it anytime . " I threw the Walkman at her and left , putting my fingers in my ears so I couldn 't hear her say , " It is not your fault . " After that , whenever Esther would see me around , she 'd smile and ask me how I was doing . At first I detested her intrusions . But slowly I came to appreciate them , even looked forward to them . It was like this at the center ; most boys found a staff member whom they eventually began to trust . Mine was Esther . Over the next few months , I started to visit Esther occasionally at the minihospital , which was just across the dirt road from the dorm that I shared with more than 35 boys . During that time , Esther got me to tell her some of my dreams . She would just listen and sit quietly with me . If she wanted to say anything , she would first ask , " Would you like me to say something about your dream ? " Mostly I would say no and ask for the Walkman . One day Esther gave me a Bob Marley tape and a really nice notebook and pen and suggested that I use them to write the lyrics of the songs and that we could learn them together . After that I visited Esther at the minihospital every day , to show her what I had written . I would sing her the parts of songs I had memorized . Memorizing lyrics left me little time to think about what happened in the war . As I grew comfortable with Esther , I talked to her mainly about Bob Marley 's lyrics and Run - DMC 's too . She mostly listened . One night , close to my fifth month at the center , I fell asleep while reading the lyrics of a song . I startled awake after having a dream that involved lots of people stabbing and shooting one another , and I felt all their pain . The room I stood in filled with their blood . In the dream , I then went outside to sit at dinner with my father , mother and two brothers . They didn 't seem to notice that I was covered with blood . It was the first time I dreamed of my family since I started running away from the war . The next afternoon I went to see Esther , and she could tell that something was bothering me . " Do you want to lie down ? " she asked , almost whispering . " Or just talk about it out loud and pretend I am not here . I won 't say anything . Only if you ask me . " She sat quietly beside me . The quietness lasted for a while , and for some reason I began to tell her my dream . At first she just listened to me , and then gradually she started asking questions to make me talk about the lives I had lived before and during the war . " None of these things are your fault , " she said , as she had repeated sternly at the end of every conversation . Even though I had heard that phrase from every staff member - and had always hated it - I began that day to believe it . That didn 't make me immune to the guilt that I felt for what I had done . But it somehow lightened my burdensome memories and gave me strength to think about things . The more I spoke about my experiences to Esther , the more I began to cringe at the gruesome details , even though I didn 't let her know that . I still didn 't completely trust her . I only liked talking to her because I felt that she didn 't judge me for what I had been a part of ; she looked at me with the inviting eyes and welcoming smile that said I was still a child . One day during my fifth month at Benin Home , I was sitting on a rock behind the classrooms when Esther came by . She sat next to me without uttering a word . She had my lyrics notebook in her hand . " I feel as if there is nothing left for me to be alive for , " I said slowly . " I have no family , it is just me . No one will be able to tell stories about my childhood . " I sniffled a bit . Esther put her arms around me and pulled me closer to her . She shook me to get my full attention before she started . " Think of me as your family , your sister . " " Well , now you do , " she said . " You see , this is the beauty of starting a new family . You can have different kinds of family members . " She looked at me directly , waiting for me to say something . " That is fine with me . So will you come to see your temporary sister tomorrow , please ? " She covered her face as if she would be sad if I said no . Soon after , a group of visitors from the European Union , the United Nations , Unicef and several NGOs arrived at the center in a convoy of cars . At the request of the staff , we boys had prepared a talent show for them . I read a monologue from " Julius Caesar " and performed a short hip - hop play about the redemption of a former child soldier that I had written with Esther 's encouragement . After that event , the head of the center asked me to be the spokesman for Benin Home and to speak about my experiences . I was at the beginning of my seventh month at Benin Home when one of the field agents , Leslie , came to tell me that he was responsible for " repatriating " me - the term used to describe the process of reuniting ex - child soldiers with their former communities . My family was dead , but I knew that my father had a brother whom I had never met who lived somewhere in Freetown . Leslie said he would try to find him , and if he couldn 't , he 'd find me a foster family to live with . One Saturday afternoon about two weeks later , as I chatted with Esther at the minihospital , Leslie walked in , smiling widely . " What is the good news ? " Esther asked . Leslie examined my curious face , then walked back to the door and opened it . A tall man walked in . What if he is just some man pretending to be my uncle ? I thought . The man let go of me . He was crying , which is when I began to believe that he was really my family , because men in Sierra Leone rarely cried . He crouched on his heels next to me and began : " I am sorry I never came to see you all those years . I wish I had met you before today . But we can 't go back now . We just have to start from here . I am sorry for your losses . " He looked at Leslie and continued : " After you are done here , you can come and live with me and my family . You are my son . I don 't have much , but I will give you a place to sleep , food and my love . " He put his arms around me . No one had called me " son " in a very long time . I didn 't know what to say . Everyone , it seemed , was waiting for my response . I turned to my uncle , smiled at him and said : " Thank you for coming to see me . I really appreciate that you have offered me to stay with you . But I don 't even know you . " I put my head down . " As I said , we cannot go back , " he replied , rubbing my head and laughing a little . " But we can start from here . I am your family , and that is enough for us to begin liking each other . " I got up and hugged my uncle , and he embraced me harder than he had the first time and kissed me on my forehead . We briefly stood in silence before he began to speak again . " I will visit you every weekend . And if it is O . K . , I would like you to come home with me at some point , to see where I live and to meet my wife and children - your family . " My uncle 's voice trembled ; he was trying to hold back sobs . He rubbed my head with one hand and shook Leslie 's hand with the other . As my uncle promised , he came to visit every weekend . We would take long walks together , and they gave me a chance to get to know him . He told me about what my father was like when he was a child , and I told him about my childhood . I needed to talk about those good times before the war . But the more I heard and talked about my father , the more I missed my mother and brothers too . About a month or so later at Benin Home , Leslie told me it was time for me to go live with my uncle . I was happy , but I was also worried about living with a family . I had been on my own for years and had taken care of myself without any guidance from anyone . If I distanced myself from the family , I was afraid that I might look ungrateful to my uncle , who didn 't have to take me in ; I was worried about what would happen when my nightmares took hold of me . How was I going to explain my sadness , which I was unable to hide when it took over my face , to my new family , especially the children ? I lay in my bed night after night staring at the ceiling and thinking , Why have I survived the war ? Why was I the last person in my immediate family to be alive ? I went to see Esther every day , though , and would say hello , ask how she was and then get lost in my own head thinking about what life was going to be like after the center . At night , I sat quietly on the veranda with my friends . I wouldn 't notice when they left the bench that we all sat on . When the day of my repatriation finally came , I walked to the minihospital building where I was to wait , my heart beating very fast . My friends Alhaji and Mambu and a boy named Mohamed were sitting on the front steps , and Esther emerged , smiling . Leslie sat in a nearby van waiting to take me to my new home . " I have to go , " I said to everyone , my voice shaking . I extended my hand to Mohamed , but instead of shaking it , he leapt up and hugged me . Mambu embraced me while Mohamed was still holding me . He squeezed me hard , as if he knew it was goodbye forever . ( After I left the center , Mambu 's family refused to take him in , and he ended up back on the front lines . ) At the end of the hug , Alhaji shook hands with me . We squeezed each other 's hands and stared into each other 's eyes , remembering all that we had been through . I never saw him again , since he continually moved from one foster home to another . Esther stepped forward , her eyes watery . She hugged me tighter than she ever had . I didn 't return her hug very well , as I was busy trying to hold back my tears . After she let go , she gave me a piece of paper . " This is my address , " she said . " Come by anytime . " I went to Esther 's home several weeks after that . But my timing wasn 't good . She was on her way to work . She hugged me , and this time I squeezed back ; this made her laugh after we stood apart . She looked me straight in the eyes . " Come and see me next weekend so we can have more time to catch up , O . K . ? " she said . She was wearing her white uniform and was on her way to take on other traumatized children . It must be tough living with so many war stories . I was living with just one , mine , and it was difficult . Why does she do it ? Why do they all do it ? I thought as we went our separate ways . It was the last time I saw her . I loved her but never told her . My Eye Opening Experience as a PTI Tabdeeli Razakar . For a writer it is very easy to play with words , to spread a message , to motivate people , theoretically . But all my life I had waited . . . |
exhibitionism , fingers , first times , fucking , outdoorsLisa had always been the shy type , the kind who would rather sit at home with a good book or video than go out on a Friday night . The kind that was never prone to being spontaneous of taking more chances than was absolutely necessary in life . And so as she walked down the nude beach , towel in hand , minus all of her clothes , feeling very vulnerable , she wondered what on earth gave her such an idea in the first place . This was the most daring thing she had done since high school , and had only decided to visit this nude beach on her holiday after her best friend gave her a lecture on how she should do more to try an enjoy life , and take a few chances instead of sitting at home on her computer all day , or visiting her local library or sci - fi club . However , walking down this beach filled with people wearing only their birthday suits , and noticing the glares of men who were finding it hard to keep their bodies under control after seeing her beautiful figure , she had stretched her nerves to the very limit , and she quickly made her way to the south end of the beach and past the rock cliffs , where she had been told by her friend Kelly that few people went , and that Lisa would be safe there is she was feeling too threatened . She found a spot in the sand under the shade of a rock formation , and settled down on her beach towel with a good book after making sure every inch of her fair skin was well covered with sunscreen . The last thing she wanted was sunburn , especially on her breasts , which she thought would be quite unpleasant , and was not about to find out how it felt for herself . She stretched out her legs and wiggled the sand out from between her toes , taking a final look around to make sure no one was near before she allowed herself to relax in her naked form . Lisa hated to admit to herself that the sensation of wearing nothing in a public place was exciting her very much , and she couldn 't help the fact that her nipples were stiffening , and every now and again when a c ( more … ) big black cocks , cheating , domination , fingers , public sex , slut wifeWe had arrived in my husband 's home town . It was really a small village with a main street that looks like it came right out of a painting . The town was decorated for Christmas ; all the lamp poles had colored lights running up and down them . A fresh carpet of snow blanketed the town ; this place could really get you in the Christmas mood . There were so many of his family members in town there was no room for us at his parents house so Don had already made reservation at a nice local hotel . This was fine with me as I didn 't really know any of his relatives very well . Don and I lived in New York and only had seen his family once or twice since the wedding . We checked in and the first thing Don did was asked about the pool . He loved to swim and the hot tub sounded good to me after the drive we had just endured . After dropping off our luggage at our room and changing into our swimming suit we headed down the pool room . When we arrived we found that we had the pool all to ourselves . Don jumped in the pool right away , I just grinned at him . He was a very nice guy and had a great job and education . He was well built and always had been good to me . He swam to the end of the pool and started another lap . I put down my stuff and started the hot tub timer . I slowly lowed myself into the hot bubbling water , the jets felt good and in no time a heavy foam was forming all over the surface of the water . It felt like heaven , my legs hurt , my shoulders hurt , and my whole body ached . I was just starting to relax when a whole family of black people burst into the pool room . There had to be at least two families ' that entered together . A handful of kids jumped into the pool and the adults went to the far end to sit down their things . I was annoyed at first but then I remembered it was almost Christmas and that a lot of people traveled on the holidays . The adults headed right to the hot tub . There were two older women maybe fifty or so and a man their same age . One o ( more … ) cheating , fingers , fuckingKen was getting bored . The party , at least in his mind , had been a total waste . He sat on the couch , looking through his drink to the light in the living room , which was full of people socializing , chatting or otherwise . Ken had been completely and entirely unsuccessful tonight , which was very strange because he always ended up taking someone home when he went to one of Sonny 's parties . It was still early , only nine , and people were still coming , but he didn 't have an especially good feeling . Then he saw Brooke , drinking a glass of wine casually on the stairs . What a gorgeous woman she is , he thought . The softest looking brown hair flowing down to her full breasts , sparkling green eyes , and just the right complexion . Textbook stuff , he called it ; short nose , short forehead , pouty lips . Then of course there was her body , which her outfit didn 't exactly hide . Her long tanned legs and slender upper body were draped by a beautiful white and pink dress , a spring sort of dress . He shook his head , smiling , as his eyes met hers , and he walked over . " Didn 't know you 'd be here . " " You 're so full of shit , " he grinned . " You know full well I always come . " Brooke smiled , almost fiendishly . " Well , not tonight anyway . Usually if you don 't have a girl crawling all over you by now , you split for a club . " Ken was a very attractive guy . He was tall and built , very toned . He had brown mahogany eyes that shone when he talked to good looking women and slick black hair . Tonight he was in a light blue dress shirt with khaki slacks , and had left his jacket at the door . While they went on , Ken couldn 't help but wonder how she had been married to Frank for so long . After all , they were only twenty four , and a woman like Brooke could have anyone she wanted . Especially guys better looking , smarter , and a hell of a lot less boring than Frank . He liked the guy , but he had always doubted that he had what it took to keep a vixen like Brooke satisfied . Ken 's thoughts were broken as Brooke let out a ( more … ) bisexual , fingers , first times , girls kissing , lesbian " Shut up , shut up , SHUT UP ! " Ashley groaned and buried her face in her pillow as she screamed that phrase for the hundredth time . " Why can 't they just give me some peace ? " she cried and wrapped the silken pillow around her head and kicked her long legs up and down on the bed in a frustrated tantrum . But as the loud music and laughter drifted upstairs from the sorority party on the first floor , Ashley sighed and admitted that this discomfort is what she deserved . Ashley was a sophomore at the local university , not far from her home in Massachusetts . During her freshman year , she lived in the dorms , but had decided to join one of the university sororities . Ashley had rushed for the Tri Kappa Sigma sorority as a freshman , and after several grueling weeks of hazing and serving the established sisters , she was finally accepted and welcomed . As a member of the sorority , Ashley gained all the privileges of a sister , including the option of moving out of the dorms and into the off - campus sorority house as a freshman , before any of the other students were allowed to move off - campus . However , Ashley wasn 't so sure she could handle living with her numerous sisters , whose parties had become the stuff of legend around the campus . Ashley was an academic - minded girl , attending the university due to a full academic scholarship , and she knew full well just how hard it would be to maintain the required 3 . 60 or higher GPA to keep that scholarship while living in the dorms , much less at the sorority house . So Ashley declined and finished out her freshman year in the dorms . However , upon returning to school this September for her sophomore year , Ashley was convinced by her best friend and sorority sister , Kali , to move into the sorority house . Now , on this particular night , as the music sounded louder than ever before , Ashley really regretted her decision . It was balmy September night in the beginning of the semester . One of those last lingering days of summer that just wo ( more … ) blowjobs , cheating , exhibitionism , fingers , groupsex , slut wifeShe was hurrying around to put the finishing touches on the house . She had only a couple hours more ' til her husband would be home and he would expect all to be in readiness . It would be even more than he expected . Quickly glancing around to be sure she hadn 't forgotten to do anything , she grabbed her purse and dashed out the door , jumping in her car and heading for downtown . So little time , so much to do . She first stopped at the costume shop and collected the costume she had reserved earlier by phone , examining it to be sure that everything was there … every little detail must be perfect . It was just what she had asked for , even to the little lacy cap to perch on her short hair . Then she headed to the supermarket and picked up the beer her husband had requested and some snack and dip ingredients . Next the liquor store next door to purchase bourbon and scotch for those who might want them and a bottle of HER favorite red wine . Once safely back in the house with her purchases properly stowed away , she went to the bedroom and started the water running for a lovely bath … just enough time to make herself beautiful before her husband arrived . After relaxing for a few minutes in the warm water to which she had added her favorite herbal concoction , she emerged , toweled herself dry and applied perfume to the points all over her body which would give off the scent to best advantage . Then she wrapped herself in a huge toweling robe and went downstairs to greet her husband with his favorite light supper . Yes , this was the night of his weekly poker party and it was his turn again to host the party . He had told her that this time , he didn 't want her to hide herself away upstairs but instead she was to remain in evidence and serve his friends with drinks and snacks as they played . This wasn 't the norm for these events , but tonight he wanted to do something a little different . Just as she finished re - checking everything to be sure all that was needed was a ( more … ) blowjobs , fingers , first times , massage , slut wifeI have been hinting around to Julie my wife , that I would like to see another man , massaging her and playing with her body as I watched . I finally asked her one night as we were laying in bed , " Would you like to get an erotic massage from another man as I watch ? " . Julie hesitantly said , " Yes . " I casually mentioned one day at work with a co - worker that we were looking for a masseuse to give my wife a massage . My co - worker said that he knew of one he and his wife use from time to time , and that he satisfies his wife in every way imaginable . I called the masseuse one day , talked with him for several minutes and decided to make an appointment with him to give my wife Julie a erotic massage . One night while Julie and I were in bed I told her , " I had found someone to give her a massage and I think that you will enjoy it . " I told her , " I have him scheduled to give you a massage on Saturday night . " Julie said , " Are you sure about this ? " I said , " Yes I am , I have talked with him and he seems like a nice guy . " Saturday finally arrived . I could tell that Julie was excited . She kept asking me , " What he was like ? " I kept telling her , " It 's a surprise . " I took my wife out to our favorite Italian restaurant , and we both had her have a few drinks with our meal . I had arranged it to where this masseuse that I had found would come over to our house after we got back from our night out on the town . Julie and I came home from our night out , it was about 7 : 00pm . We both took a hot shower and waited for him to arrive . After 20 minutes we heard a knock at the door . I answered the door . Julie called from the bedroom , " Come here would you please ? " I asked Scott to come in , and excused myself and went to see what Julie wanted . Julie said " I would like it much better if I had massage in the soft bed rather than the hard massage table that he has brought . " I told Scott , " Julie would prefer her massage on the bed rather than his table . " Scott said , " No probl ( more … ) blowjobs , fingers , first times , teasingHeather felt very sexy as she walked onto the stage . She knew how the swimsuit flattered her small figure . The black maillot with its thin straps highlighted her svelte figure . She looked good . She knew she looked good , and the smiling faces of the audience validated her feeling . Men and women found her attractive . She took her position by the auctioneer and smiled . " Heather is wearing a black , Lycra maillot , " the auctioneer said . " You can see how it fits a fine figure . Who will start the bidding ? " When Marsha asked Heather to be part of the charity swimsuit auction , Heather had been reluctant . She wasn 't a professional model , and although she kept in shape she wasn 't sure of herself . She didn 't think she had the confidence to pull off the auction . When she saw the room filled with women and a few men , her heart beat fast . What if they didn 't like her ? What if they didn 't like her figure ? What if she tripped or something ? Could she make herself smile and parade like a real model ? If Marsha hadn 't bolstered Heather 's ego just before she took the stage , Heather might have walked out . Instead , she stood by the auctioneer , and she felt good about herself . No , she wasn 't the most gorgeous woman in the auction , but she was far from the least attractive . Her petite figure and long , dark hair made a nice picture for the bidders . " Fifty dollars , " a woman said . Heather smiled . " Sixty , " another voice cried . " Seventy . " " Eighty . " Heather beamed . When she took the stage , she thought $ 50 would be more than adequate , and here they were at $ 90 and climbing . She couldn 't believe a swimsuit auction could make her feel so desirable . He stood up . He was tall with dark hair and dark eyes , and a smile pranced across his handsome face . Nice shoulders , slim hips , he presented a nice package . He smiled at Heather and nodded . " One thousand dollars , " the man said . The room noise died . Everyone turned and stared . The auctioneer gaped . The man smiled at Heather , locking ( more … ) blowjobs , fingers , pussy licking , teasingSusan my receptionist ushered the last patient of the day into my office . I was pleasantly surprised ; she looked younger than her 30 years and was very attractive . There was a look of apprehension on her face . " Hello Cassie , " I said with a warm smile , " I prefer to use first names , it makes people more relaxed , please call me Robert . It 's nice to meet you , please take a seat . " " Oh thank you doctor , I mean Robert , " Cassie said nervously . " I don 't know what your referring doctor told you about me but I am a qualified GP and also a qualified psychologist . My field of expertise is helping people of both sexes with sexual problems , whether they be physical or emotional or both . I have been reading the letter your doctor sent me and your problem is that you can 't orgasm , is that correct ? " Cassie blushed , nodded and looked down at the floor . " Well Cassie , first I want to congratulate you for being so courageous . " " Courageous ? ' Cassie said , " You think I 'm courageous ? " " Yes very much so , " I replied , " It takes courage to come and tell your sexual problems to a stranger . But the more you truthfully tell me the more I can help and if we can help you with your problem then your future will be a lot happier , OK ? " Cassie took a deep breath . " Robert all I know is that I 've had enough of the frustration that goes with sex . It caused my marriage breakup and " " Sorry to interrupt , " I said , " Tell me about the sex in your marriage . Do you think your husband was a good lover ? Did he use any foreplay to arouse you ? " " No he never really cared about my sexual feelings , " Cassie was beginning to relax . " All we ever did was the missionary position , he was very quick and I was always left frustrated . " " Did you ever masturbate when he wasn 't at home ? " Again Cassie blushed and looked away . " My mother told me that masturbation was dirty and wrong , so I 've never tried it . " " Well I can assure you that masturbation is OK and 99 % of the populat ( more … ) at school , cheating , fingers , pussy licking , slut wifeOn Friday afternoon , I decided to surprise my wife by stopping by her classroom . Kim and I have been married for six years . She has been everything I every wanted . Kim stands about five foot four and one hundred twenty pounds . Her heart shaped ass and size C cup tits never fail to turn me on . Being Kim 's second lover allowed us to grow in experience together . I thought that we had done it all until that fateful afternoon . Kim 's room has a back entrance if you use the fire escape from the alley . The weather was warm so she had her windows open . I heard voices on the way up the stairs . She was lecturing to one of the senior local jocks . Chris had everything you would dream of in high school . He had great looks , athletic ability , and a rich dad that keep him in that latest fashions and cool cars . Being the school 's prize football players , Chris had every girl in school chasing after him . He also was rumored to have his way with many of the adult fans around town also . Kim 's lecture went on about him picking on one of the girls in class . It seems that Chris convinced the girl to pose for him and he decided that science class was a good time to share the pictures with his friends . Kim intercepted the photos and had Chris report after school to discuss the issue . After about ten minutes of lecture , Chris only had a smart - ass reply . " So are you jealous I didn 't ask you to pose for me ? " he asked . As I peeked into the window , I began to feel nervous that Kim would be alone in the room with a stud like Chris . He stood six - two and weighed about 230 ( all muscle ) . Kim left her desk and approached him in a very stern manner . She demanded that Chris stand and apologize immediately . Chris towered over Kim as he spoke , " The only thing I will apologize for is not doing this sooner . " He took the back of his head in his hand and drew her into a kiss . This boy must know what he was doing because he laid it on good . Kim hesitated then seemed to respond and kiss him back . ( more … ) blowjobs , cheating , cuckold , cum eaters , fingers , first times , pussy licking , slut wife , teasingMy name is Peter . My wife Jessie and I are both in our early 50 's and have been happily married for 30 years , and became empty nesters 2 years ago . We are both in good shape ; both keep active and work out some . We have started opening up sexually somewhat after becoming empty nesters . Since that time , we have been rediscovering our sex life . We have always been faithful to each other ( at least as far as I know ) and have a really close loving relationship . Now Jessie has been quite sexually inhibited throughout our 30 year marriage , having been brought up in a Victorian way . She doesn 't like the ' messy ' side to sex ; she has never sucked me to completion , although she will take me in her mouth . It took me a long time to get her to let me eat her , but she will not even let me look at her pussy after sex . She will never let me touch her ass … ever . She won 't kiss me after I eat her , won 't let me eat her if I have already put some lube on her . She doesn 't sweat , and hates the feeling of a mess on her . She is quite passionate otherwise , will get on and ride me for a long time , lets me use a vibrator on her etc . I like a hairless pussy and she lets me shave her pussy lips as long as I leave her pubis alone . To my knowledge she had never touched or tasted cum at this time . This is why the events of last weekend have really rocked our marriage ! We had a friend over last weekend , a single guy we have known for a long time . Ed is a pretty normal guy at 5 ' 11 and 180 , active and reasonable shape . Since we were bored , we decided to play 3 - handed crib . We were drinking wine and were moaning about the game . Terrible game , boring as hell , and my wife Jessie was loosing badly . " Probably the most boring card game in the world " she said . " No , the game ' go fish ' is worse , " replied Ed . " Yes , but that 's a kid 's game , I was talking about adult games . " " Oh ADULT games , " I said , to emphasize the double meaning . ( more … ) exhibitionism , fingers , lesbianFinally , we were going to visit Australia . For years my wife and I had been planning this trip . We 'd promised ourselves that one day we would go " down under . " Now at last we were on our way . For Christmas my parents had given us two first - class tickets on QANTAS , the Australian airline . From Los Angels it was a 14 - hour flight , so the first class seats were very welcome . I turned and looked at Lynne as she sat next to me . For 35 she was looking fine . Her long brown hair hung down to her waist and her full high breasts still showed no sign of sag . We indulged in the complimentary Champagne and enjoyed the delicious food , not giving any thought to the poor souls back in economy . After dinner we ordered another bottle of wine and sat back to enjoy the movie . On first class you have individual screens and a selection of movies and Lynne and I both decided to watch " Eyes Wide Shut . " This turned out to be very sexy in parts and by the end of the film I was sporting a large hard - on . I noticed that Lynne was squirming in her seat and decided to try to feel her up . We both had blankets over us and slowly I slid my hand over beneath her blanket and started to run my fingers up her thigh . Lynne immediately grabbed my wrist . " Stop that , someone will see us , " she whispered . " Don 't worry about it , " I said . " First class is practically empty . No - one will notice . " Lynne reluctantly released my wrist and I continued to slide my fingers up underneath the short skirt she was wearing . Soon my fingers came in contact with the strip of cotton of her panties and I gradually eased my fingers under the leg band and started rubbing her pussy . By now Lynne was moving around in her seat and her movements must have caught the attention of our stewardess . I looked up to see a beautiful blonde in QANTAS uniform standing by Lynne 's seat . She could see the outline of my hand as it pushed back and forth between Lynne 's legs and by now the was a definite smell of pussy in the air as Lynne reacted t ( more … ) at work , fingers , first times , lap dance , lesbian " I 'm off to work ! " I was laying across my bed reading a book and listening to music when my roommate and friend , LaDonna , peeked into my room . " Ok , girl , " I said , looking up briefly from the page that I was reading . " Make me a lot of money , " I joked , though I already knew that she would . She had recently gotten a job as a waitress a little over a month before and had been bringing in good money since she had started . I was glad for her AND myself because she was now able to be on time with her share of the bills . Fortunately , the bills weren 't too bad . We lived rent free in a nice 4 - bedroom Victorian style house that my grandmother had left me when she passed away . The bills weren 't too bad , so we always managed . I let Donna move in with me so that she could get on her feet after her husband of one whole year left her high and dry ( he even took the car that she had paid for with her income tax money ! ) . She had been working different odd jobs and temp jobs to do her share and I knew it wasn 't easy , so I didn 't bug her much about it . As long as she was trying to help I didn 't care , especially since she helped me do some minor renovating on the place . After all she was my friend and I didn 't have the heart to be a bitch about a few extra dollars on the bills . But on with the tale … . Where was I ? OH ! ……… " Make me a lot of money . " " Only for you , Chelly Belly , " she joked back , calling me by the nickname that used to drive me nuts . She shifted the black duffle bag that she carried from one shoulder to the other . " Is your ride here already ? " I asked , forever playing the surrogate mother in spite of the fact that she was actually older than me by a few months . " Yes , dear , " she said with a smile . " I 'll see you in the morning . " " Okay , " I told her . " You be careful . You know I 'm not too crazy about this whole ' night shift ' thing you got going . " " I 'm safe , " she told me for the umpteenth time . " You worry too much . ( more … ) blowjobs , exhibitionism , fingers , groupsex , swingersThis happened two years ago . My wife and I have been married for 12 years and at 35 , she still is as hot as when we married . During the summer on Fridays when I would come home from working the second shift , my neighbors Pam and Tom would have the fire going and the drinks flowing . So by the time I would come home , everyone would be in a happy mood . So it was no surprise when Kristy called me at work to say that she would be at Pam 's helping her making party food ( it was Tom 's turn to host his softball teams after game party ) I said OK , but don 't have too much fun until I get home . She just laughed and said it will be hard when all the young men are there . When I got home the party was going strong , I gave the group a quick Hi and said that I will be right over . I didn 't see Kristy outside but when I got inside I could hear voices coming from the Kitchen and I herd Kristy say slow down we have all night . So I backed up a little so that I could make a louder entrance . Kristy then came out with a tray of ice and cups and a young man who she introduced as Eric . We said are hellos and he took the stuff out to the party . She was wearing her shortest cutoff jeans and her halter - top which I could see was without bra . I could she that she was already a little tipsy and I told her she looked sexy and what she meant we have all night to Eric . She just looked at the floor and said , you heard that ! That 's when she told me how she had told Pam about how I would like to see her fucked by other guys . Pam said since it was close to my birthday she would ask Tom to see if he could set it up with some of his friends from softball . She just looked at me and asked if I was mad ? I just gave her a squeeze and a kiss and said no just surprised but very excited . I asked her if she could at least hold off until I return from my shower , she just ran out the door saying she will try . When I got outside Pam and Kristy were on the deck dancing with 4 guys , Tom was over by the bar wit ( more … ) anal sex , at school , fingers , fuckingA few days ago I ran across an old College Textbook from many decades back and it made me remember a few days during the spring semester of my junior year at a to be UN - named liberal arts college . The time was the early 1970 's roughly the time period from just after Woodstock , to just before Watergate . Drugs were plentiful , aids was unknown , and girls hardly ever wore bras and everyone was exploring every aspect of life you could think of exploring . While there were no official coed dorms , there were certainly boys and girls living together and it was not hard to find a party every Friday or Saturday night where it was pretty darn easy to end up with some sweet young thing and to go to either her room , or in my case , since I didn 't share a dorm room , back to mine . This was my usual mod us operand i . Since the beginning of the academic year I had taken Mandarin Chinese along with my general load of Asian History courses , my minor and liberal arts classes . The Mandarin Chinese class consisted of meeting with the professor in his on campus apartment 3 times a week for roughly an hour each Monday , Wednesday and Friday , and then a general lab in the library where we listened to Mandarin tapes . This could be done at our convenience . There were three of us in the class , Vickie , Sydney and myself . The Professor was nearly blind and I had actually traveled with him briefly one summer in both Hong Kong and Japan . This was before it was really possible for an American to go to what we then called Red China . On Monday of the week before Easter , at our regular afternoon class , I was rather surprised that Vickie and Sydney , both wore short dresses . The usual attire at the school for those of the female persuasion , was a shirt or top of some kind , pants or shorts and almost always hiking boots of some kind . The school was known for its outdoor programs and emphasis , and it was near both great hiking and cross - country skiing and had a stable on campus as well . cheating , exhibitionism , fingers , first times , fuckingIt took me months to talk her into it , going to a nude beach . I remember the first time I mentioned it to my wife Susan , she just looked at me like I was crazy and said " you 've got to be out of your mind . " We have been married 18 years and have never really done anything too adventurous sexually . Don 't get me wrong , our sex life was great , after 18 years I 'm still as turned on by her as I was when we were dating . Susan is 5 ' 6 , " 115 pounds and has shoulder length blonde hair . She also has the most beautiful green eyes you ever saw . Her skin is that of a 20 year old , still so soft and smooth . Time has been extremely kind to her . It was after months of reading erotic stories on the internet that I started thinking I 'd like to visit a nude beach . Voyeur and Exhibitionism were my favorite erotic story subjects so the idea of visiting a nude beach would let me experience a little of what I 'd been reading . I wanted Susan to go because one of the fantasies I have is to have some guy see her naked . That 's all I wanted , I could never think about some other guy doing anything to her . I just thought it would be a huge turn on to have some stranger see her naked , and to see some good looking naked female strangers too ! Like I said , we never did anything too sexually adventurous and Susan was quite shy . When we went to a pool or regular beach she never wore a swimsuit that was too revealing . She always got uncomfortable when she thought some guy was checking her out at the beach even without a revealing swimsuit . So I kept bringing up the subject a couple times a week for a few months , she always thought it was a stupid idea and kept asking me why it was on my mind all of a sudden . She does not know about all of the erotic story reading I 've been doing . Finally one day she agreed but only if I didn 't pressure her to get naked if she felt uncomfortable and only if I promised that we would find a secluded part of the beach . I agreed thinking this was the ( more … ) blowjobs , cheating , cum eaters , fingers , first times , lesbianMy husband , Jim , has been so understanding of my need to try dating outside of our marriage . I know it was a shock at first , but he seems to be more welcoming to the idea lately . He thinks it 's because I envy Anita 's freedom and want material possessions ; but that 's not it . Ever since Jim 's promotion as Director of the Botanical Garden , we could afford anything I wanted . The truth is , Anita has awakened my sexual desire . For some time , we have been lovers , although we both consider ourselves to be straight . She , quite simply , is an insatiable nymphomaniac . She has taught me how to satisfy her needs and , in the process , has created the same needs in me . She has aroused passions in me that I never knew existed . My date with my husband only made me more aware of these needs - he didn 't satisfy them . I now have a deep - rooted need to be fulfilled by a talented man who understands a woman 's needs and knows how to satisfy them . With her wide array of lovers , Anita recruited her most prized lover , Warren , to be my first date . Warren is an ex - football player who played for our local NFL team . He has gone on to own his own insurance agency and is very successful . He managed his salary from the NFL well , and with his insurance business , he is now a very wealthy man . He has never married , but did have a live - in girlfriend for several years . That relationship produced a daughter who is now 17 years old . His daughter lives with him and he remains close to his former lover . I have never seriously dated anyone other than my husband , and have never had sex with another man - certainly not a black man . Warren was to be my first . Anita warned me that his penis was very large and that he has long lasting power . For days before , we conditioned my pussy with a ten - inch dildo that Anita said approximates his size . " Just in case , " Anita joked . Finally , Saturday night arrived . I hadn 't told Jim who , specifically , I was dating . I just made general comments about h ( more … ) exhibitionism , fingers , masturbation , sexchat webcamsI sit down at my computer desk , enjoying the feel of the soft leather chair on my naked skin . I 've just had another unsatisfying night with my boring boyfriend , and my pussy is aching with need . I can feel my juices leaking onto the chair below me , puddling onto the slick material . All I can think about is the throbbing between my legs and how badly I need to cum . I turn on my webcam and wonder who will be watching me tonight . I roll one nipple between my fingers , casually teasing myself , showing my camera my 32E breasts as I twist and flick the pale , hard nubs . I reach down and plunge two fingers into the wetness there , then rub my pussy juice onto my rapidly stiffening nipples . My breasts are glistening with arousal , and I lift one breast to my mouth , licking and sucking the juice from my smooth , pale skin . I take one hand and begin to slowly rub the outside of my pussy lips , skimming my clit , but not touching it . I stroke my thighs and rub soft fingers around the outside of my cunt , teasing , feeling the juices from my pussy dripping onto my chair and onto the shaved skin surrounding it . Flipping back my long , dark hair , I aim the webcam directly at my pussy , then spread my legs wide to display the rosy , slick slit for anyone who happens to be watching . My pussy lips are swollen and hot , and I spread them open to display my tight , aching hole to the camera . I grab my smallest vibrator from the drawer beside me . Six inches long , slender , and purple , I can already feel it buzzing against my clit . First , though , I lick the tip , pretending it 's a real cock , then suck the head into my mouth . I imagine a hot , stiff dick in place of the vibrator , and slide it down my throat , fucking my mouth with it and getting it nice and wet . Holding it to the the skin just above my clit , I turn it to the lowest setting . A moan escapes my mouth , and I can 't wait any longer . I open my dancer 's legs as far as I can and press the vibrator directly to my clit , sliding two fingersDare To Get Wet exhibitionism , fingers , stripper , wet t - shirtWe had been partying at a friends house and the topic of the wet T - shirt contest at one of the clubs came up . The guys though we should all go down there and that I should enter the contest . At first I didn 't want to do it , saying all those girls are professional contestants , this is how they make their money and I wouldn 't stand a chance up against them . Well all the guys wanted to go and watch , so we all went down there to watch . Being a little older than most of the girls that entered these contest , I still hold my own pretty good after having one child . I am a real blonde , don 't ask me to prove it , because I keep her pretty much shaved . I am by no means a hard body , but I am still shapely , with what I am told is a killer ass and wear a thong bikini with no problem at all . I have " C " breasts that don 't quite stand up there on their own anymore , but not one guy has ever turned their eyes away when I flash them , which I have been known to do when I drink . We continued to drink , the contest didn 't start until 11 : 30 , I was doing shots of tequila so I was feeling confident and ready to party , the guys turned to begging , daring me and calling me chicken , not one to pass on a dare let alone be called chicken , and I had been drinking more than plenty , agreed to it , hell I loved showing off my body and they all knew it , especially my husband . When it was time for the contestants to go get ready . I was wearing a pair of jeans , a little cropped button up shirt and sandals . After cutting up the shirt they provided , there wasn 't much left of it , I knew the jeans had to go if I wanted any chance at the prize money , most of the other girls had on bikini bottoms , thongs and panties … . none of which I had , so I made a thong sorta bikini bottom thing out of the left over T - shirt material . We had a few minutes before the contest started so I ran out and gave my husband my clothes so that I would know where they were when the contest was over and I could quickly get dress ( more … ) blowjobs , cum eaters , exhibitionism , fingers , voyeurFrom the day that we met online , Mitch and I hit it off . We talked often , and told each other a lot about ourselves . One day , he picked me up several blocks from my house , to have lunch in this out of the way café . A place that gave us privacy to talk about anything , soon our conversation took an unexpected but delightful turn towards our sexual fantasies . Mitch looks around the room , then leans over and asks , " Do you like to masturbate ? " My body responded before my lips did and I felt my nipples harden and my clit swell with arousal . Thinking back , I could remember that by the age of ten I had already discovered that touching certain areas of my body made me feel good . Many a night , I spent , fingering my nipples and cunt , until I quivered with excitement . I blush , giggle , and replies , " Why yes , doesn 't everybody ? " Before he could respond I flash him a sultry look and asked , " Do you like to masturbate ? " He blushes and replies Yes , especially when I am talking to friends like you online . You are one sexy hot redhead and you make my blood boil . " I shift in my chair feeling the wetness accumulate on my panties , and ask , " Mitch , when did you have your first sexual experience ? " I could tell by his reaction , that he was hesitant in telling me when . I took a hold of his chin and look him straight in the eyes . " Baby , nothing you say will alarm me baby , because I have a varied sexual appetite that includes some taboo subjects . Mitch 's , eyes came alive with excitement and he replies , " Oh really ? God that is so hot . " He pauses to watch my reaction then says , " Then you won 't be surprised that my first experience was incestuous in nature and happened when I was twenty - two . " My body trembles and I admit , " Oh my god , I would love to hear about that . " Mitch lowers his head , shifts in his chair and answers , " Maybe some other time , doll . Right now , my dick is too hard for me to think straight . " fingers , first timesI was sitting in a coffee house drinking my coffee , when the waitress came over and asked me if I wanted anything before she left . I looked at her and smiled . She smiled in return and said , " I mean , would you like to have another cup of coffee ? " I slowly shook my head , with my smile ever widening . I told her , " Nah , that 's ok , I have to be leaving anyway , I have to get home and study some more . I have a big test tomorrow in class . I 've had a lot of coffee and I 'm getting tired . Thanks anyway . " I looked at her and I asked , " Would you like a ride home ? My car is parked just outside . " She looked at me and smiled . She said , " Sure , just let me get my coat , my tips , and clock out . I 'll be right with you . " She walked away , quickly and I gathered up my books and put them in my leather briefcase . I walked to the cash register and paid for the coffee that I drank and walked to the door and sat down . After she was done , she walked out the door with me and stood on the other side of my car . I opened the door for her and she got inside then I closed her door . I went to the driver 's side of the car and opened up the door and put my briefcase on the rear car floor . I closed the door and got in behind the wheel . I closed the door and put the key into the ignition , and we took off . As we were driving , I asked her , " Ok , Kathy , where do you live at ? " " I live at 55 West St . " " Ok " I replied . After I had turned onto her street , I could see her nipples hardening as we got closer to her home . exhibitionism , fingers , first times , voyeurI still remember the first gang bang I participated in like it happened yesterday . It was the early 70 's and I was in college . I roomed with two other guys in a run down , three bedroom house . Paul was my best friend from high school and I met Steve my freshman year at college . We all had just started our sophomore year and this was the first time any of us had lived off campus . Jill was a cute little sorority sophomore who Paul picked up at a party . Steve and I had struck out and we were sitting around smoking pot when Paul and Jill came in . They both looked disappointed to see us . I was surprised when Paul did not usher Jill to his bedroom , but maybe he was not sure she was ready to fuck him . Or maybe he took her for a slut . They sat down with us and shared a joint . The light was dim and we were all getting really stoned . The music was loud and I was lost in my thoughts . Suddenly I became aware that Paul was making the move on Jill and I was only a few feet away . Paul was kissing Jill deeply . She was responding . Paul 's hand was exploring the buttons on her jeans . Jill 's legs relaxed and parted ever so slightly . Paul 's hand continued to caress her pussy through her jeans . I was mesmerized watching Paul . I looked over and saw that Steve was watching as intently as I was . I was holding my breath because I was sure Jill would come to the realization that Steve and I were present and watching her seduction . That would be the end and I would be relegated to beating off . Jill was getting turned on by all the attention from Paul . She was not resisting his advances so he moved his hand beneath her sweater and began caressing her tits . She moaned and moved her hand to Paul 's crotch . Paul returned his hand to her jeans . I held my breath . If he got in her panties , maybe she would get so hot that she would forget we were present . I had never seen anybody else fuck a girl . I listened to a girl give a friend a blow job in the backseat of my car while I made out with a girl in ( more … ) anal sex , blowjobs , cheating , fingers , first times , groupsex , slut wife , voyeurThe owner of our neighborhood bar is a friend - not a good friend , because he is the kind that you hesitate to trust very far . But he is a great guy to be around . He knows everybody and everything , just ask him . He has plenty of wild tales about his youth and seems to have done about everything . Harry is definitely a guy 's guy . My wife Sally and I frequently stop for drink after work and we often meet friends there before we go to dinner or whatever . Sally is very outgoing and friendly to everybody . She always kids Harry and sometimes flirts with him . Once when she was mad at me she sat with Harry and one of his friends at a table while I sat with two of her friends and sulked . I was certain that I saw Harry and his friend both slip their hands beneath her dress on more than one occasion , but I was too stubborn to go to her rescue . I thought it would serve her right if they took her into Harry 's office and had their way with her . When we finally got ready to go Sally was ready to make up . When we got in the car , we kissed and I put my hand up her dress . Boy was I surprised when I found that she had no panties on . I was sure that I had seen her in panties before we left for the evening , but when I asked her about it she assured me that she had not worn panties . Sally always could talk her way out of a fix and I believed her . She could not deny that she was wetter than hell and ready to go . I took her right there in the parking lot . Big tits , blowjobs , cheating , cum eaters , exhibitionism , fingers , first times , slut wife , teasingI was in the concessions line at Tampa Stadium when it happened . I 'd sweetly volunteered to get the next round of beer for my boyfriend , so he could keep watching the half - time show . I knew he enjoyed watching the cheerleaders . I knew I had no reason to feel jealousy , as he would never cheat on me . I 'm sure every stadium concession stand is the same , especially at half time . The huge halls were jam - packed with people , you couldn 't even see your feet , there were so many people . I wore a mini , a full flouncy . Even the lightest breeze would whish up under it and tantalize my pussy . I loved the feeling and am always so hot in the stadium I 've started dressing for comfort more than appearance . I wore a little tank top that matched and low - heeled sandals . All and all I was comfortable , and didn 't think I looked too bad . A person is often jostled about in these lines , and more than once someone rubbed against my ass or my tits . I didn 't know if sometimes it was on purpose or not , and I didn 't really care . If the guy turned around and smiled an apology I always sent him a forgiving smile or pretended not to notice . I 'd been in line about ten minutes when I finally noticed the man behind me . I didn 't turn around to actually look at him , but I could feel his proximity against my back . He didn 't seem overly tall or intimidating , so I continued to ignore him and wait for my turn in line . When I felt a hand on my ass , I knew it was his . Should I turn around , I thought ? But no , I don 't want a confrontation . Besides a part of me wondered what he planned . Did he think he could just touch me in plain view of all these people ? at school , exhibitionism , fingers , first times , teasingAnne was our best friend . We were inseparable the last two years in college . My wife and I lived in university housing for married students , Anne in the towers across campus . On any giving night we could be found either in our apartment drinking and partying or in the dorm room doing the same . Somehow we still managed to get to class the next day . I still don 't know how . This night found us an Anne 's trying to console her latest failing attempt at a relationship . My wife and I couldn 't understand it . Anne was pretty , sexy , petite , 5 ' 3 ″ tall , with the most incredibly green eyes I had ever seen . She had long silky blonde hair , and small but perfectly shaped tits . Her ass was tight and tiny , and her lips were just asking to be kissed . But no matter what she did , the guys would date her once and then vanish into the ozone . And it wasn 't because she was a prude . She had often told us tales about " the one " she had meant last night at the Petals , our local drinking spot and how they had gone back to her dorm room and fucked each other crazy all night . anal sex , at work , exhibitionism , fingers , masturbationMy line of work involves delivering and hooking up TV 's to our customers who aren 't able to do so . Most frequently it 's older or informed people who require my services , which was the case - at least that 's what I thought - when I went into the showroom to cover for the manager . An older couple came in , purchased a cable - ready television and requested that it be delivered to their home . I informed them I was the one who took care of these installations and added that I 'd be over the following day to hook up their system . As they left the store , it appeared that their daughter or niece - a very attractive young lady or about 20 or 21 . had come to the store to meet them . After a quick chat with the older couple , the girl came in and told me that she would be home the following day to accept the television deliver . I watched her exit the store , and as the light hit her sundress , I could see that she wore no panties underneath . Her perfect ass and crack were completely visible from my vantage point . Upon reaching her home the next day , I was suddenly snapped into an advanced sexual state . The front door totheir home was open as was the screen door - and my hands were full of equipment , I let myself in . Instantly , the heady aroma of sex was in the air . I called out to Laura but received no reply . Then I saw her ; totally naked , sprawled out on the floor with her back against the couch and a banana buried in her twat . " Close the door , " she said quickly ! Now , this was a strange scene . Here was this gorgeous , young brunette , whom I 'd only met a day earlier , laid out in the living room floor with Chiquita bananas all around her . ( more … ) |
No , I didn 't receive some longed - for gift . We did not have a visit from some long - lost relative . We did not even have a meal that was particularly memorable . We did have a priceless experience , although less than joyous . We had our first middle - of - the - night kidding emergency . The goat 's pelvis was so tiny , we couldn 't get the kid out , so we took her to the vet , expecting a c - section . He used to raise pygmies , however , so he had lots of personal experience with such problems . He tied ropes to the kid 's front legs , and Katherine and I held Giselle and braced ourselves on the opposite side of the table . At times , my brain screamed inside my head , " Just cut her open already ! Do the damn c - section ! " But I kept reminding myself that he used to raise pygmies and had probably done this lots of times . Finally , after 15 minutes of pulling , a little buck emerged , looking half dead . Katherine squealed with excitement , but as the vet briskly rubbed the kid , he said , " He still might not make it , " and then he handed the kid to Katherine . After a few minutes , the limp kid gained some muscle control and was able to hold his tongue in his mouth . We allowed ourselves to get hopeful . Giselle wanted nothing to do with him . She would not look at him , much less sniff him or lick him like a normal mama goat . When I tried to latch him on to nurse , she acted as if nothing were happening to her udder . Her baby did not exist . So , we have a house goat . He is our first boy in the house , and Katherine is trying to litter box train him . We 've trained previous goats to towels , but then realized that they can 't tell the difference between a towel and a carpet . Oops . We 're hoping this will work better . After considering St . Nicholas , Kris Kringle , and Rudolph , we finally settled on Nick as the kid 's name . Since his mama had such a hard time kidding , he will definitely be castrated . We don 't want to pass along those genes . We certainly don 't need any more pet goats , but it 's going to be hard to let this little boy go ! Funny how I was just talking about requiring turkey customers to spend a day on our farm , and today I read this in the NY Times : Down on the Farm With Your Sleeves Rolled Up , an article about agritourism , where farms charge people to visit and sometimes work . I really don 't like the idea of agritourism , as I think people visiting farms for sleigh rides completely miss the point that most people need to understand - - it takes work to grow food in a way that is sustainable . I really don 't think anyone learns much of importance by taking a sleigh ride in the country or feeding a baby animal for 10 minutes . In some ways it might even do more harm than good . Sleigh rides and baby animals are fun , and while that is part of farm life , it 's only one tiny segment of it . When that is the only thing that people see , they get the idea that farm life is this Utopian existence . It 's not . I love living out here , but not because it 's perfect . Like Thoreau , I appreciate all parts of it , the joyful , the confusing , and the devastating . Learning to live with nature is a constant learning experience . One never knows all the answers , and each new day is filled with opportunities and surprises , some wonderful and some not . Little of that knowledge is obtained in the few minutes it takes to feed a baby animal , and none of it during a sleigh ride . You might begin to get an appreciation of it in a day , but to really understand farm life , it would take at least a few days or a week . And it 's not just any week . We 're hibernating during winter , the garden is frozen over , and the animals are just hanging out too . There are some days in spring where I feel like I 've lived a month in 12 hours . Summer is not too crazy , but as fall draws near , we 're kicking into high gear again , trying to prepare for winter . Maybe this is why some people say I should write a book . I suppose this is my passion - - I really want people to understand where their food comes from . Yesterday was exhausting . I woke up at 3 a . m . after only four hours of broken sleep . By 4 : 10 we were driving down the road towards Arthur , where we get our turkeys processed . We pulled into the parking lot at 6 : 35 and waited almost two hours to start unloading . We had the misfortune to arrive after a couple of trailers that had a few hundred turkeys in them . As we were waiting , I said to Katherine , " You know , I 've never seen a bird get loose here . " Then I immediately knocked on something I thought was wood . When it was our turn , Katherine caught the turkeys , handed them to me , and then I handed them to the man who was responsible for hanging them upside - down by their feet on an overhead conveyor system . Another man quickly cut their throats , and within seconds , they were dead . It is probably a much better end than the turkeys at home will have , and it was something that I thought about yesterday . We kept two turkey hens here - - we still have a gobbler from last year - - hoping they 'll hatch poults next year . But we 've also been having coyote problems , and dieing in the jaws of a coyote is not a pleasant way to go . We had almost finished unloading . Only two turkeys remained , and as Katherine tried to grab one , the other decided to make a break for it . She flew right past me . I tried to grab her , but she slipped through my fingers and started to fly . The first thought that flew through my head was , " Damn heritage turkeys ! " and I realized that the reason none of the trailers full of turkeys ever have any escapees is because they 're all broad - breasted mutants who can 't fly ! Lucky for us , she landed between a car and a wall , so she was trapped . A man grabbed her before she realized she could have run under the car , and she is now in the refrigerator . After the turkeys were unloaded , we went to breakfast and then shopping at Beachy Bulk Foods and Country Salvage . I love buying kitchen equipment down there because unlike most Americans , the Amish cook at home , and not being wealthy , they buy good - quality , practical kitchen Posted by It 's that time of year again - - the time when I start thinking that we really should not be selling our meat . If you 've been reading this blog in past Novembers , you might remember that I get a little crazy this time of year . The insanity is contagious and is transmitted through emails and phone calls . The disease starts with the turkey customers , and after a few emails and phone calls , I start to lose it and swear never again to sell turkeys for Thanksgiving . The emails started last week - - people who wanted to make sure their turkey was still coming next week . It 's not so bad when the emails are from people who actually sent in their deposit and reservation form , but one particular man had not done that . Let 's call him Homer . He 's been a thorn in my side for two or three years now . He 's a Chicago lawyer , and if I had to guess , I 'd assume he 's the ambulance - chasing variety , rather than the honorable type . Homer sends me an email asking when his turkey would be delivered . I email him back saying that we don 't have a reservation or deposit from him . He emails me saying that he is certain he reserved a turkey last year right after Thanksgiving . I check my email log , and sure enough , there is an email from Homer saying how great the turkey was , and he 'd be getting another one next year . I email him back to say , " Sorry but we can 't hold turkeys based on such emails . We need the reservation form and the deposit . " I also explain about how we 've only got a couple turkeys left , but apparently I wasn 't clear on the fact that they would be small . He writes back thanking me for squeezing him in and telling me that 13 pounds would be perfect . [ cue primal scream ] It 's interesting how people want humanely - raised meat from small , local farms , but they don 't want to deal with the reality of that choice . They are seriously stuck in the supermarket mindset . " Yes , I 'd like a 14 . 5 pound turkey . " We can 't do that ! I wrote Homer another email being as blunt as I possibly could . We have only 27 turkeys , and they only grow as big as they Posted by Last night I was in the basement when I heard a screeching bird . I wasn 't even sure which type of bird - - chicken or turkey ? I didn 't think it was a duck or a goose though . It was definitely a bad sound , but I knew that by the time I got up the stairs and out the door , everything would be over . Luckily Katherine was closer to the situation . It appears there was a scuffle in front of the barn . There were turkey feathers on the ground , and there was a very upset turkey hen sitting on the fence with only three tail feathers that looked " slobbery , " according to Katherine . She also said there was a goose stuck in the fence . As she was freeing the goose , she saw something out of the corner of her eye run into the woods . I don 't know what spooked it and caused it to give up on its turkey dinner , but I 'm glad it decided to move on . Two weeks ago , another goose wasn 't so lucky . I was eating my breakfast , looking out the window at the pond , loving my idyllic view . Then in the glass of my china cabinet , I saw a reflection of something large and brown struggling with something white . I jumped up and ran to the dining room door in time to see a coyote dragging off a goose . I threw open the door and started screaming . I heard a scream coming from an upstairs window , and a moment later , Katherine was on the deck with me . She informed me that she was going after it . Mike and I have both tried to track coyotes with prey and have had no luck , so it seemed pointless to me . I felt defeated . After 15 or 20 minutes , Katherine emerged from the woods carrying the goose . It was easy to tell that it was quite dead . Its long neck was hanging down from her arms . I wasn 't sure if I was happy or not . The goose was dead , and there was still a hungry coyote in the woods . I felt like a slug , sliding out of bed at 8 : 30 this morning , but I 'd only had about five hours of sleep at that point . My body ached . Was it a hangover , or did a truck run over me while I was sleeping ? Neither . I 'm one of those people who needs her eight hours every night . Last night , I was awakened by our barking dog and yipping coyotes around 1 : 30 . Just as I was about to fall back asleep , they started up again . Then at 3 : 30 a howl sounded like one was right outside our bedroom window . I shrieked and was on my feet running for the window before my brain could even register what my body was doing . With only half a moon lighting up the landscape , I couldn 't see much , and I didn 't see the coyotes . My husband was on his way down the stairs and out the back door . Shoving open the window , I realized there were two packs of coyotes . The loudest ones were just to the east of the pond , and they seemed to be competing with a pack to the southwest and a bit farther from our house . That 's the direction of the goats that are across the creek . They 're being guarded by the donkey who tangled with coyotes a month ago . How could I go to sleep with all of that racing through my mind ? I was also thinking about finding the sheep to the east side of the pond two nights ago - - and hoping they 'd had the good sense to stay in their pasture last night . At 8 : 30 this morning , my husband called from work to wake me up . Margaret answered the phone , and he asked her to go check on the sheep before waking me . Luckily , she was able to report that they were all safely in their pasture . Life on the farm is slowing down . It usually slows down this time of year because the weather forces us inside , but this year , the weather has been unseasonably warm . We 've tried to keep pushing ourselves to do all the things we want to do , like building a potting shed . It is just not happening . We 're tired . I am beginning to understand the wisdom of the seasons . We work , then we hibernate . Even though the climate is changing , we 're not . We still need our rest , our hibernation . It 's hard to explain how it feels to keep trying to push ourselves . Somehow our bodies or our subconscious minds just know that the working season is past . The leaves are finally starting to change . Normally they change much earlier . The first week of October is usually a beautiful golden , red , and yellow display of color in the woods . Here we are , almost three weeks past that time , and we are starting to get a few brownish - yellow leaves on the hickory trees . The leaves on the oak trees are still green . A couple weeks ago , temperatures were hitting 90 degrees , and this weekend is supposed to be in the upper 70s again . We still haven 't had a freeze . The part of me that loves fresh food from the garden is happy about that , but I know there is a much bigger picture here . Climate change is happening , and I 'm seeing it on my own little piece of the earth . Every year our pond is frozen for fewer days , but seeing the change in fall foliage is more startling . The drought has also caused problems . Our hay field pretty much died . At least everything useful died . It is now filling up with weeds . If it had a good fence around it , it would be a perfect place to put goats . They love weeds ! But there is an old rusty barbed wire fence around it , so it 's worthless as a pasture . The price of hay has gone up , but I should consider myself lucky that I was able to find grass for $ 3 a bale and alfalfa for $ 4 a bale . More than one person told me that they 've heard of $ 6 - 7 a bale . Just a few years ago , it was $ 2 a bale for alfalfa . A couple days ago we got our secoPosted by Today would have been a great day if I didn 't live in the 21st century and if my only obligations were on this farm . I made cheese yesterday , which of course , migrated into today , because it has to drain overnight . Then this morning , I blanched and froze nine pounds of tomatoes . It was when I started making soap that the day turned to . . . My first batch of soap seized , and it was totally my fault . For the non - soapmakers out there , seizing is like winding up with mashed potatoes when you want pudding . Imagine trying to get thick mashed potatoes into a mold . Doesn 't work . You need a pudding consistency to pour into molds . Mashed potatoes don 't pour . So , how did I wind up in self - deprecating pity and angst ? I was trying to teach my youngest how to make soap , and I should have been paying closer attention . She got the oils so hot that we should not have been using them to make soap . But after an hour , the oils were still 120 degrees , and I was impatient . Using the fragrance oil that I was using , I knew that I should not start mixing until the oils were down to 100 degrees , but the day was wearing on , and I started mixing . As predicted , I had mashed potatoes in no time . I was freaking out . Katherine asked me what to do , and I said that I had never had this happen so badly before . The soap was hardening in the pot ! I had read about rebatching , but I 've never done it - - and it 's probably been three or four years since I read about it . But I added a cup of water to the pot and put it on stove . In no time , I had a soupy consistency of soap . Katherine stirred for a few minutes , and we poured it into molds . It will be interesting to see what we wind up with . For the second batch ( plan was to make four batches today ) , I got all the oils measured and melted except the olive oil , and I got the milk measured . When I went to weigh the lye , the scale stopped working . I thought it was the battery , but I put a new battery in there , and it still didn 't work . I saw water in the display , and upon further investigation , I discovered thatPosted by Nothing new on the predator front . We still have one person spending the night in the pasture , and several nights , a second person has gone running out there when we heard the coyotes howling and yipping . We have yet to actually see a coyote , but we haven 't lost any more sheep . This is ridiculous and frustrating , but no one is willing to say that we should stop spending the night out there because we 're afraid we 'll lose more lambs . We 've been busy lately . As the days are getting cooler , we 're reminded that winter is just around the corner , and we still have work to do before we 're hibernating . Yesterday , Mike and I put up a new woven wire fence along the east side of the near pasture . There was an electric fence there when we moved here , but it was woefully inadequte for goats . We moved the original three wires closer together and added three more wire , thinking that would do the trick . That worked for a few years , but then the naughty goats were born . I guess I can 't blame them entirely . I don 't think it 's a coincidence that they were bottle - fed and spent many days in our house and in our yard . They know the world doesn 't end at that fence . So , for the past two years , those little girls have been going through the electric fence as if it were merely a tickle . After all , it was worth it when there were delicious weeds and apple tree bark on the other side . If you 've been reading for a while , you know that they killed four apple trees last winter by stripping the bark from them . So , yesterday we put woven wire between the pasture and the yard . Knowing that Lizzie also is a jumper - - our first - - we made the electric fence higher on the south side , and we added ground wires , so if she touches them in mid - air , she will still be shocked . One must be grounded to be shocked , so if she touched the wires while her feet were in the air , she wouldn 't be shocked at all . After working all morning to upgrade the fencing , Katherine arrived home from church to burst our bubble . " What did you do to the fence between the near and middle pasture ? " As the word , " Nothing " came from our lips , we knew our work was in vain . Lizzie and Shirley are really too smart for their own good . They will realize quickly that they can go into the middle pasture then go through the south fence to freedom . So , all we 've really done is made their trip to the apple trees a minute longer . We haven 't lost any more lambs . ( knock on wood ) After five nights of us sitting in the pasture all night , waiting for a coyote to show up , we finally decided that our presence is keeping them away . For the past two nights , we 've had a tent out there with someone just sleeping . The dog has barked less in this past week than in any single night in the past year . Once or twice a night , he 'll make a soft little bark and trot towards the fence , but that 's it . We don 't even hear him in the house . Last night , we were having dinner at sunset , and he suddenly started barking viciously . Mike and Katherine both ran for the pasture . The dog was barking fiercely at the fence towards the woods , but after the humans arrived , his barking subsided and then stopped . We know from experience that he would not stop barking just because we were there , so the threat must have moved on . I wish the news were as good for the ducks . We are down to seven - - we had 14 . Yesterday morning at 6 : 15 , we heard a duck wildly quacking , but by the time Mike got to the window , he didn 't see any sign of the quacking duck or a predator . The quacking had stopped , and he counted only seven ducks . There had been eight the night before . With the ducks being completely free range , I 'm afraid there is not an easy answer to keeping them safe . Someone pointed out that we are probably dealing with a pack of coyotes , which explains why our dog can 't handle the situation . He is chasing some of them while one grabs a lamb . Regardless of how many are out there , we are spending the night in the pasture now . My shift is 8 to midnight . My oldest daughter does midnight to 5 a . m . , and my youngest daughter is there from 5 to 8 a . m . I think our presence is probably enough to deter them , since coyotes are shy animals and don 't like humans . We do hear them sometimes , but they aren 't getting very close . It 's time for my shift now . Gotta run ! The total lamb loss is now six , leaving us with only four lambs , including Princess , who is living in the barn . This evening , we tried to catch the lambs , so we could put the rest of them in the barn , but that was more ridiculous than I 'd anticipated . Finally , we decided that my oldest daughter would sit outside all night with a gun . Mike has to teach in the morning , so he needs his sleep . Before you think this sounds too " old west , " I 'll add that she 'll keep herself awake by watching her video iPod . She just received it in the mail a couple days ago , and she 's already downloaded two movies , two episodes of M * A * S * H , and an episode of The Simpsons . The livestock guardian dog was out there last night , so I 'm not sure how the last lamb was taken , other than to assume that the LGD was in the wrong pasture . He can go between two pastures , and for some reason unbeknownst to us humans , he doesn 't like the pasture where the sheep are currently grazing . Still , each pasture is no more than two acres , and he should have certainly known what was happening so close . We 're terribly disappointed in him . We lost two more lambs , so two days ago , we decided to put the livestock guardian dog , Sovalye , into the pasture with the sheep . We 've never been able to put him in there before , because he and one of the rams would get into a fight instantly . That ram became dog food this year after almost breaking my hand and destroying every fencepost , fence , and gate that he encountered . The idea of putting the dog with the sheep was something that I had not considered before , but then I noticed some of the sheep were getting into the goat pasture when the fence stopped working , and Sovalye was ignoring them . So , two days ago , I took him into the pasture with the sheep . I had him on lead and first walked him around the perimeter , then walked him up to the sheep . Neither he nor the sheep seemed particularly interested in each other , so I took off the lead . Sovalye laid down and closed his eyes ! He 's been in there two night now , and we 've lost no more lambs . We have , however , lost ducks . We got baby Cayuga ducks in July to replace the ducks we lost to predators this spring . Now we 're down to only 12 ducks of the 15 we had . Tonight we are going to see if it 's possible to get them into the chicken coop . I certainly hope so , because I 'm sick of losing my babies ! The bad weather finally seems to be behind us . In addition to no rain the past two days , we 've also had very pleasant temperatures . Unfortunately , we 've lost a second lamb . I find it hard to believe that a lamb would wander into flood waters and wonder if a coyote got the two lambs that disappeared . The side effect of flooding is that the electric fencing does not work . I know the electric fence stops coyotes because we 've seen coyote tracks in the snow heading up to the fence , then there is a " mess " of snow , which the coyote probably scattered when he got shocked by the fence , and there are footprints going away . In addition to getting shorted out , the fences also catch lots of debris , like grass and limbs . Mike spent a few hours yesterday cleaning them up , re - attaching the wires , and weed wacking the grasses under the wires , so hopefully we won 't lose any more lambs . The flood waters finally receded yesterday following two days of rain . Tonight , the rain started again . Within less than two hours , the patio - - now called " the mote " - - was flooded again . We have cinder blocks lined up across it so we could get from the house to the driveway without wading through water , and the water is now less than an inch from the top of the blocks , meaning that we had about six inches in less than two hours . As soon as Katherine noticed the patio was flooded , I realized this meant the middle pasture was probably flooded again . The ewe lamb that was lost on Monday has not been found , and not wanting to lose another lamb or sheep , I sent Katherine to make sure that the sheep were all on top of the hill , rather than at the bottom of the hill where they would get cut off from dry land as the waters rise . We couldn 't find a working flashlight , so she went without . It took a while for her to return because she had to wait for the lightening strikes to illuminate the pasture to be able to count the sheep . I had insisted that if she spotted trouble , she was to immediately return to the house so we could come up with plan to deal with the situation . Katherine is infamous for handling things on her own - - even if it is dangerous - - and the last thing I wanted was her swimming in flood waters again . When she finally returned , she said that all the sheep were accounted for , so we shall hope that they all stay at the top of the hill . Nevertheless , it is going to be a long night . I usually fall asleep easily enough , because I 'm exhausted by the end of the day , but when a loud thunderclap wakens me , I 'll probably lie awake in bed for a few hours before I fall back asleep . It 's just what I do . Margaret has pointed out the fact that it is completely worthless for me to lose sleep worrying every time it rains , but I can 't seem to NOT worry when it 's pouring outside , especially when I know it 's going to flood . This is the first time we 've lost an animal in a flood , but I 'm afraid it won 't be the last . The forecPosted by Life on the farm has been so busy the past couple weeks that there hasn 't been time to do anything extra - - like writing in my blog . In fact , it 's been so busy that we are not even getting everything done around here . There simply are not enough hours in a day . We have been harvesting vegetables from the garden , canning and pickling green beans and wax beans , freezing shredded zucchini , and freezing beans . We got four new pigs a week ago . They are all boars . We moved the two older boars to another pen . They were approaching puberty , and it 's too early for the gilts to be bred , so we separated them . That was an interesting experience . We were able to coax them outside the walnut grove with a pan of grain , but then moving them 100 yards proved to be more difficult than we 'd hoped . Of course , by now , we always imagine that moving animals will be a challenge , but we hope we 're wrong . We decided to see if Porter , the four - month - old English shepherd could be of help , and he certainly gave it his best shot . He does have amazing herding instincts . he would get the two of them about 1 / 4 of the way , the one would break away and run back to the fence where the gilts were . After about 15 minutes , we decided to stop , because he is a puppy , and they are not supposed to work that long , plus it was obvious he was tired , whether he wanted to admit it or not . His tongue was hanging out of his mouth , and he was panting hard . Still , he refused to stop trying , so Margaret had to hold him . Mike picked up the pigs , which are close to 100 pounds now and carried them to their new pen . Of course , they squealed like they were being tortured - - why do pigs do that ! And one of them was so upset he peed on Mike . Now I know where that disgusting pig - farm smell comes from . When pigs are not on pasture , the pee has nowhere to go and just sits there and stinks - - which is why pigs need plenty of space . We 've had more lambs , and we 've lost one . We had a two - day flood that ended yesterday . As usual , the Shetlands were out grazing in a high spot that Posted by When I say that we shaved the lamb 's back end , I mean we shaved the lamb 's back end ! We wanted to make sure we exposed all the maggots . Now we realize that Princess looks like a poodle , rather than a sheep . No more new lambs , but this is Minerva 's ram lamb that was born Saturday afternoon . She gave birth to him in the same dusty spot that Princess 's mom lambed , and he got a bath from me ! I wanted to give Princess and her sister a bath , but I was worried that Pocahontas would reject them because they might smell differently . After spending hours picking maggots out of Princess 's back end , however , I realized that it would be no big deal at all to have a mom reject a baby . In that case I would just have to bottle feed the lamb . I took a bucket of warm water out there and rinsed him as well as I could , then I used the towel to continue cleaning him . I figured that as long as I didn 't use anything with a scent , there shouldn 't be a problem . And today , mom and lamb are still doing great ! Porter is still being hyper - attentive to Princess . The poor lamb can 't go potty without his undivided attention . I thought I had finally succeeded in convincing him that he didn 't need to clean her bottom as she was peeing , but then he started licking the grass after she walked away ! Today I was doing some school work on the bed in the guest room , and when Princess joined me , I just had to get the camera . She is just too cute ! I think I might just be worse than a new mom ! In the middle of yesterday afternoon , I took a break from picking maggots out of Princess 's skin and went outside to see if the rest of the lambs looked okay . I knew I wouldn 't be able to catch any of them by myself but hoped I could get close enough to see if any others might be having a problem with maggots . I had completely forgotten that there are still several ewes left to lamb . After getting as close as possible to the lambs and seeing nothing but healthy , " hoppy " lambs , I decided to go back into the house . As I passed a shelter , my peripheral vision caught a glimpse of something , and I suddenly remembered that we still have pregnant ewes ! I ran to the shelter and found Minerva and a beautiful spotted ram lamb nursing . He was quite dirty , so I decided to wash him off in a bucket of water , hoping to give the flies nothing tempting enough in which to lay their eggs . Today , Princess continues to improve . She is objecting to my poking and picking maggots , which is good . Yesterday was scary when she just laid there for hours motionless and quiet . Every hour or two I check the holes in her skin , and I wind up picking out another dozen or so maggots . Finally it looks like I have them all , but a couple hours later , there are more . Of course , our local farm supply store does not have the spray that was recommended by several of the women on my sheep list . They have almost nothing that I need . I wind up ordering most of my farm supplies on the Internet . So I am stuck with tweezers and hydrogen peroxide until the spray arrives via pony express . Last night , I dreamt of - - what else - - maggots . After seeing them for so many hours , I really didn 't expect much less . I got to bed around midnight , then Princess woke me at 3 : 30 wanting a bottle . I gave her three ounces of milk , and as I was washing the bottle , she started fussing , so I gave her two ounces more . Then I went back to bed , and every minute or so , she 'd let out a tiny little bleat . After 15 minutes of that , I decided that she might need to potty and didn 't want to Posted by This morning I got dressed to go into town to pick up my friend from Chicago at the train station . I was wearing my good jeans and a nice top . Before leaving though I wanted to check and see if White Feather had lambed yet . She 'd been very talkative the night before , and I figured she might be in labor . I headed out to the pasture , and after seeing all the ewes and no new lambs , I turned to head back to the house . Then I saw a black lamb lying next to the fence all alone . Her mother was nowhere near her , which is odd for such a young lamb . I walked up to her . Her eyes were open , and she didn 't move as I bent over to pick her up . Most lambs would have been halfway across the pasture by then . I smelled something terrible as I picked her up . I lifted her tail , and it looked like she had diarrhea , so I quickly dropped the tail , hoping it would prevent the dreadful scent from reaching my nose . I tried to hold her away from my body , which was a struggle against my instinct of wanting to hold her close because I knew she was having problems . I reminded myself that I didn 't want to have to change clothes . As I headed for the gate , her mother suddenly appeared and began to protest . I told her I was sorry , but her baby needed help . I saw Mike in another pasture and called to him . I just wanted him to take the lamb into the house for me , so I wouldn 't get dirty . After Mike took her , he looked under her tail and quickly said , " That 's maggots ! " Huh ? I looked under her tail and realized that what I thought was diarrhea under her tail was moving ! We ran to the house and started washing her back end with tea tree oil shampoo . Why ? Because it was the only thing I had that I thought would be slightly more effective than plain shampoo . We soaped her up and rinsed her three times . Finally I suggested that we soap her up and stick her rear in a pan of warm water . Maybe we could drown the maggots ? After about five minutes , she started to shiver , so we took her out of the water , rinsed her again and tried to pick the maggots out of her hPosted by Katherine just came inside to tell me that we have nine ducklings ! Our single muscovy duck has been setting - - again - - in the barn . She set a couple months ago , and we finally took her rotten , stinky eggs away from her . I 'd love to know who Daddy is ! This morning , Katherine said that she heard a sheep screaming at 5 a . m . For whatever reason , she went back to sleep without saying anything or doing anything . Upon hearing this news at 9 a . m . , Margaret and I immediately went outside and found that Fee had lambed with twin rams . Her udder was huge , and they were running around screaming , unlike most lambs , who are pretty quiet . It was obvious that they hadn 't nursed . Fee 's teats were the size of a large man 's thumbs , which is far too large for a Shetland lamb . Most Shetland mamas have teats the size of one or two joints on a lady 's pinkie finger . We brought Fee and her lambs into the barn , where we milked her and gave the babies a bottle . Having colostrum in their tummies gave them the encouragement they needed to keep trying to figure out how to nurse off mama 's teats . Like her lambs two years ago , they are sucking on the side of the udder , on the side of the teats , and just about everywhere except where they need to be sucking . Two years ago , we only had to milk her and bottle feed the babies for about three days until her production slowed down and her babies figured out how to nurse on those huge teats . I hope it goes as well - - or better - - this time . Sunday , Margaret 's white ewe , Ophelia , lambed with a single black ewe , and today , my ewe , Pocahontas , lambed with twin black ewes . The two ram lambs still appear to be sharing the two mamas . Part of me is certain that White Feather hasn 't lambed yet , but today I think she looks smaller . She was quite wide last week . Then again , this morning , I really thought that White Feather had that " I 'm so sick of being pregnant " look on her face . I can 't believe this is so confusing ! Since I was uploading baby pictures , I thought I 'd post pictures of the new Cayuga ducklings that have been here since July 13 . Earlier this year , coyotes got all of our ducks except one , and we 've been watching the algae grow on our pond ever since . We had no idea that ducks ate so much algae ! I hadn 't seen that much algae on the pond since before we had ducks , and I recalled how the algae was all gone within a week of the ducks going onto the pond . I was really torn between Rouen ducks and Cayugas , but I finally decided on Cayugas because they are rare , and they are the only domesticated breed of duck that is native to the U . S . When they 're fully grown , their feathers will have an emerald sheen . And finally , I thought I should give an update on the pigs . They are living in the walnut grove , and although I hate having fences in pictures , it was really the only way to get a picture of them because they are constantly at my feet if I 'm closer . I wish I could say it 's because they 're so friendly or because they like me so much , but the truth is that they just love food . I totally understand where all those cliches came from , such as " eat like a pig . " The do love their food and always act like they 're starving . Yesterday , I took minerals out to the sheep , and when they came running , I counted them . Only 14 - - that meant two were missing . Since they are due to lamb , I immediately went looking for new mamas . I found two ewes and two lambs . Both ewes were taking an equal interest in the two lambs , and both lambs were nursing off both ewes ! I watched them for quite some time and couldn 't figure out which one belonged to whom ! I checked the back ends of both ewes , and both looked kind of muddy , although I couldn 't find any sign of blood on either one . Both looked a bit sunken between the ribs and pin bones , which usually happens when they give birth . Both are equally wide ! I found one placenta , and I found what looked like a dried up umbilical cord . Today I went out there looking for more clues , but couldn 't get any farther than I did yesterday . Both lambs are still going back and forth between the two ewes . One thing I do know - - they are both rams . But then it gets kind of confusing again . I thought they were both black , but Margaret says one is chocolate . Sometimes I think she 's right , but sometimes he looks very black . What a confusing start to lambing ! Today I decided to walk around the yard with a camera . I 've been meaning to do it , but there are always more important things to do , other than take pictures . However , since the rest of my family has declared today a holiday , I thought I would have some fun too ! At midnight , the seventh and final Harry Potter book was released . My three children were at Barnes and Noble to buy three copies . My eldest stayed up all night reading , and my other two children , and my husband are currently reading it . That means , it 's a bit like a graveyard around here . The husband and two youngest are entranced by the book , whilst my oldest is walking around like a zombie since she hasn 't slept in about 30 hours . She 's trying to stay awake at least long enough that she doesn 't go to bed and wake up at 9 p . m . bright eyed and bushy tailed . She has to go to work tomorrow morning at 9 . This leaves me feeling like I 'm essentially home alone . I went outside and cut lemon balm , dusted it off , and put it onto a cookie sheet in the oven . I taped a piece of paper on the " bake " switch , so hopefully no one will accidentally turn on the oven without looking in there first ! I don 't want my lemon balm to be ruined for two years in a row . Last year , I got the bright idea to put it in one of our cars to dry . I went to check on it two days later and the leaves were indistinguishable from those leaves that fall from the trees in fall . They were completely brown and had not a single scent of anything beyond dried leaves . Silly me , I thought that would speed up the process , but some things just take time ! While cutting my lemon balm , I noticed a beautiful butterfly on the echinacea ( purple coneflower ) , so I ran inside to grab the camera . It was nice enough to stick around until I returned , so I was able to get a few pictures . I love the " zoom " feature on my camera , because I was able to get this picture from across the driveway ! That 's when I remembered that I had been wanting to take some pictures of all the daylilies in bloom and the peaches . There are aboPosted by Friday , Mike and I drove to LaOtto , Indiana , to deliver our wool to the mill to be carded . Having 19 fleeces this year , it would have cost a fortune to mail . And the mill co - owner had encouraged me to start washing our own fleeces . To entice me even more , he said that if we wash it and drive it over , they can card it while we 're there and bring it home the same day . Compare that scenario to mailing and waiting several months to get the roving back , and you can see that it was quite tempting to finally dive in and do the washing ourselves . Apparently , there are not a lot of people who want to wash it themselves , so the backlog at the mill is in washing the fleeces . Laziness aside , I can see why people are reluctant to wash their own fleeces . If you do it incorrectly , you can wind up with a matted mess . We have an old washing machine in one of our barns , however , we tried to use it once five years ago , and it wouldn 't stop filling up . Pretty scary ! We finally pulled the plug before it overflowed . Mike , being an electrical engineer and a professor of electrical engineering technology , loves to fix electrical things . ( We were watching beta tapes for many years after everyone else had stopped . ) I told him all he had to do was get the washing machine to fill up , spin , and drain , which he was able to accomplish in an hour or two . Another hour or two later , and he even had it agitating , even though I was happier when it didn 't agitate , because you do not agitate fleeces ! ( They felt . ) Then Mike volunteered to do the washing - - he said he could do it between other projects he was doing out there . It was a great plan , and in less than a month , we had all 19 fleeces ready to go ! We got out of bed at the crack of dawn Friday morning , and by 6 : 20 , we were on the road headed east to Indiana . We attempted to take the direct route , which was through the countryside ( rather than up , across , and down the interstate ) , and some of those roads are not marked very well , which meant we took a few wrong turns . We had hoped to arrive by 10 Posted by After living out here for a few months , we were faced with a dilemma : What do you do with a rooster who attacks everyone ? The answer became clear to us fairly quickly . He should become dinner . It felt rather medieval - - like Nero or Caesar being judge and jury , pronouncing the accused " guilty as charged " and then sentencing them to death . For the past three years we 've been living with a ram who has beaten up other rams , ripped up woven wire fencing , rammed fence posts until they 've broken off at the ground , rammed gates until they 've bent into crescents , and finally , rammed people whenever we 've turned our backs on him . He actually rammed me last year when I was trying to get a goat 's head out of the fence bordering his pasture . She had stuck her head through the woven wire next to a post , and she got herself stuck . I cradled her head between my two hands - - one hand was between her head and the post , and my other hand was on the outside of her head , which meant my hand happened to be in the ram 's pasture . He quietly walked up to the fence and just watched me for a few seconds , then put his head down , and before I could react , he rammed his head against my hand . Although that hand hurt , I thought he might have broken the hand that was between the doe 's head and the fence post . Luckily it was only bruised , scraped , and swollen . I don 't remember what was the final straw , but at some point over this past winter , I decided I had had enough , and I said that he was going to be butchered this summer when we took the lambs to the processor . Being an older ram , his meat will have a very strong taste , so he 's going to be dog food , since we feed raw meat to the carnivores around here ( dogs and cats ) . The livestock guardian will probably be very happy to eat him if he realizes who it is , and I think he might . He 's tasted that ram 's blood before . We once tried to put the dog into the pasture with the rams , and this particular ram lumbered quietly across the pasture until he got close to the dog , then RAM ! That was a mistake . TPosted by If you think parents always find themselves with unexpected expenses , try living on a farm . It 's like I mentioned a year ago or so - - if you think it 's bad having to keep a house clean , add a barn or two and a pasture to your responsibilities . Everything on a farm is like a family multiplied times three of four . And it 's no different when it comes to buying things . With human kids , you have to buy shoes , clothes , musical instruments , and so on . With animals , you often find yourself needing to buy more animals , such as new males to breed the females to . I currently have a deposit down on a buckling ( yet to be born ) in Texas . I am also considering a new ram , because one of my ewes is related to all my rams . About a month ago , I finally bought a herding dog ( puppy ) after talking about it for a couple of years . Porter is an English shepherd , one of the original breeds of " farm collies . " He came from a sheep farm in Wisconsin , where his parents both herd sheep . He is a sweetie , but he is a puppy . He needs lots of attention and training at this point . My oldest daughter has agreed to take full responsibility for him , and she 's doing a great job , even after three weeks . Unlike our Anatolian shepherd , Porter will not live with the animals 24 / 7 . Instead , his job will be to herd the sheep when we need to move them . That job has been getting harder and harder every year . Whoever said that sheep are dumb did not have Shetlands . They remember what we did last time to trick them into the barn , and they don 't fall for the same thing twice . We are hoping that Porter will grow up to be a valuable asset to our farm and our family . You may be wondering why the Anatolian shepherd can 't help us with this . Well , the Anatolian breed has a misnomer of a name . It doesn 't herd at all . It 's just a guard dog . They hang out with the animals , bond with them , and protect them . And herding is all in the genetics . You have to have a dog with herding instincts to herd . English shepherds are herding dogs , and since they are not recognized by the AKC , Posted by Friday when we were running around getting ready for Saturday 's goat show and Sunday 's party , I noticed 2 / 3 of an egg shell near the goose that has been setting . Thursday , I had said to my husband , " When are those eggs going to hatch ? It seems like she 's been setting forever ! " Then I added , " You know , when I say that , they usually hatch the next day . " Sure enough , Friday , I saw the broken egg shell . Saturday she got off the nest , and three little goslings followed . She left behind four unhatched eggs . They have been going down to the pond , which is scary for us because there are snapping turtles in there , and we 've never been able to raise any ducklings as a result . Somehow , the Canada geese don 't have a problem . Perhaps the babies are too big for the turtle to eat , or maybe they have just been lucky . The whole gaggle of geese are always surrounding the babies , which makes it hard to see the babies unless you 're in a good position . I guess it takes a gaggle to raise a gosling . Scandal , one of our Nigerian dwarves , won her second and third legs of her permanent ADGA championship this weekend , making her a dual champion since she already finished her championship in AGS . This picture was taken after she won the Saturday show . We couldn 't find a very nice place to take a picture because they had several inches of rain the night before . Just came across this link on the Web : Supermarket vs . free - range chicken eggsI actually read this article a couple years ago in the magazine . I 'm glad they put it on the Internet , since it 's easier to share with people . I need to create a permanent list of links on this page . There is a chart that shows you how free - range eggs are healthier than supermarket eggs . I also was alerted to this cool article in The East Bay Express in California . It gives all the details about having chickens in your backyard , including the local ordinances for those who live in the Oakland , Calif . area . Although I 'm glad that they have the article , I wonder if it makes it sound more difficult than it really is ? As I continued research for my sermon yesterday morning , I found a great article that had just been published in the Seattle Times about a woman in Kent , Washington , who has three hens in her backyard to provide her family with eggs and her garden with manure . Life was good until a persnickety neighbor called the city and said Tami Jackson was in violation of the city codes that ban residents from raising chickens on lots smaller than 20 , 000 square feet . Jackson and several of her neighbors had no idea it was illegal to have chickens in their yards . It sounds like Jackson has been successful in convincing most of the city council to amend the code to allow residents to have three chickens if their lot is 5 , 000 square feet and one additional chicken for each additional thousand square feet of land . People frequently ask me if I grew up on a farm . No , I didn 't . I did , however , grow up with chickens in my backyard . We lived in a small Texas town , and since my parents had always lived on a farm until I was three years old , it was not a big deal to them to have chickens in our backyard . We usually had 10 - 20 hens , and we sold eggs to our friends and neighbors . I grew up thinking that all chickens ran around in grass and breathed fresh air . I was in my mid - 20s when I learned about factory farming . At that point , I wished I could have my own chickens again , but since my husband was in the Navy , and we frequently moved - - and we lived in cities - - I didn 't think it was possible . Our egg consumption was cut to almost zero . We only used eggs for baking and an occasional quiche . Unlike most children , mine did not grow up eating eggs . A year before we finally moved to the country , I found a little farm where I could buy fresh eggs , and I was thrilled . Now that I have chickens , I 'll never be without them again . Even when I 'm old and gray , and even if I 'm in a wheelchair , I 'll still have at least three or four hens . They 're not any more difficult to raise than a cat - - they 're easier than a dog - - and the reward of their deliciouPosted by Tomorrow I 'll be giving a sermon at church . My theme is Aldo Leopold 's quote , [ T ] here are two spiritual dangers in not owning a farm . One is the danger of supposing that breakfast comes from the grocery , and the other that heat comes from the furnace . So , I 'll be talking about what you learn living on a farm . As I am preparing for this , my mind keeps hearing people say , " Well , that 's great for you , but most people can 't move to a farm " or " don 't want to move to a farm , " and so on . Remembering the articles I 've read over the past few years about people who feed themselves from a 1 / 4 acre city lot , I wondered if I could find an article like that . So , I went to Google News - - and I found dozens of articles about such people - - all posted recently , as in the past few hours and days . I 've been enjoying Barbara Kingsolver 's new book , Animal , Vegetable , Miracle over the past couple weeks and feeling like I 'm not so weird for wanting to grow my own food - - and thinking how cool it is that a best - selling author who could live anywhere and buy whatever food she wants has chosen to grow her own as much as possible . Now , I see that Barbara and I are not all that unusual ! Take for example , this family in Wroughton , England , who has their own vegetable garden , four chickens , and a duck to help feed their family fresh produce and eggs . Yes , ducks lay eggs , and yes , you can eat them . I am personally not fond of duck eggs because they have huge orange yolks , but my husband enjoys them . And there is this family in Sydney , Australia , that has a very " green " house with solar panels , rainwater collection for drinking and washing , reclaimed wastewater , and chickens who lay the eggs for their family . There is a couple that moved from Green Bay , Wisconsin , 12 years ago to a small farm where they now have multitudes of vegetable and flower gardens , an apple orchard , 40 chickens and a few other animals . And all three of these stories have been published in the last 24 hours ! Another interesting pair of articles recently published started with CPosted by Three days ago , I was walking in an area that I thought was nothing more than overgrown weeds and bushes . In fact , we 'd been dumping manure in that area for the past two years . Then something red caught my eye only a few feet from the ground - - then something black and shiny . I squealed , " Oh ! " as I thought I had discovered wild raspberries . As I looked for the source of the berries though , I discovered they were growing on a rather short tree that had low - hanging branches . I called Mike over to take a look at my discovery . He quickly popped a berry into his mouth and said , " It 's not sweet . " That surprised me , so I plucked a berry off its branch and popped it into my mouth and quickly came to the conclusion that either he had a different definition of sweet or he had picked a bad berry . It was delicious - - and unlike anything I had ever tasted . After a bit of research , I learned that it was a mulberry tree . Mike was disappointed that the song about the mulberry bush had such a glaring error in it . The tree sits in a trench that goes from the east pasture to the pond . We doubt that it 's a natural trench . I suppose it could have been a creek at some point in the past , but it just starts in the middle of nothing , so I don 't know where the water source would have come from . Anyway , we mowed around the tree so that we could easily get to it for picking , although there is this issue of the trench that is a foot or two deep , where we can 't mow , and if we were to step down in there , we wouldn 't be able to reach the branches , so that does make picking berries a bit of a challenge . Still , I was able to pick more than a cup of berries two days ago , and this morning there are lots more ripe ones ! Today we had mulberry muffins for breakfast . I used my chocolate chip muffin recipe and replaced the chocolate chips with mulberries . I also used all white sugar , rather than half brown sugar . It made a perfect breakfast muffin because it wasn 't overly sweet . I always feel kind of guilty for eating chocolate chip muffins for breakfast Posted by Did anyone out there in the blogosphere know that geese love tree bark - - especially the tree bark of newly planted fruit trees ? [ cue primal scream ] Yes , the geese are chewing the bark off the fruit trees we recently planted . The little stinkers also ripped up my watermelon seedings through the floating row covers that I put over them to protect them from the insects ( which I thought would be their only predators ) . The only goose ( female ) of the five ( yes , four are ganders ) laid another seven eggs and is now setting again . I was happy about this a week ago , but now I am wondering why I want more geese ! Time to rant ! I had a conversation with a neighbor last night who said that he noticed I finally got my sheep sheared . I said yes , and he said , " There 's no money in that , is there ? " I tried to say that there was , but then he started talking about how it was great back when they got paid $ 2 . 50 per POUND for wool , but then the bottom dropped out of the market , and you can 't make any money on it now . A couple weeks ago when I was at Garfield Farm , a woman was telling me that the 4 - H kids in her county sell their wool to a co - op for 23 cents a POUND , and when she tried to tell the extension agent that she 'd buy the kids ' wool for more , the woman wanted to hear nothing about it . Last year , I sold out of my Shetland roving at $ 1 . 50 per OUNCE , and it seems that the price has gone up since then , so I 'll be selling it for $ 2 an OUNCE this year . When I attempted to tell my neighbor last night that once you process your wool into roving , you can get $ 32 a pound for it , he quickly said , " Well , that 's a winner ! " turned on his heel and left before I could say another word . He clearly thought I was crazy . This morning , I was telling my husband at breakfast that our neighbor probably thought that my comment was about as crazy as saying that you could make $ 100 an hour working at Wal - Mart . I started thinking about it , and it 's even crazier than that ! Imagine that they are paying 23 cents an hour to work at McDonald 's , and Wal - Mart is paying $ 23 an hour . Where would you work ? I don 't think it 's a stretch to say that NO one would work at McDonald 's for 23 cents and hour when they could 100X as much money working at Wal - Mart . But of course , I 'm not crazy , because I do sell my wool for that much . I sold out of every last little fiber last year at $ 1 . 50 per ounce ( $ 24 per pound ) ! Today I posted a message on my sheep group about this , and several people said that they have had the same conversation plenty of times . Yes , I have to clean the wool and have it carded ( or card it myself ) to sell it at that price , but I look at the 20 fleeces inPosted by We went to a goat show in Wisconsin today . We were hoping Carmen would win , because she already has two legs in AGS ( a goat registry - - like AKC is a registry for dogs ) , so a third win would make her a master champion , and since she already has her advanced registry milk star , she would be an ARMCH . There are not a lot of ARMCHs in the goat world . Although she did win " best udder , " she did not win grand champion . That honor went to Caboose , a goat owned by Margaret . Caboose now has two legs , so she also needs only one win to finish her permanent championship . This picture is of Carmen , because she was in the best mood for pictures . Caboose , however , was in the best mood for prancing around the ring looking like a champion ! The girls and I went down to pick up four new piglets today - - two gilts ( baby girls ) and two boars ( uncastrated males ) . They are currently in the back of the pick - up truck because Mike couldn 't find his tin snips to finish their shelter while we were gone . He did finally find them and is now working on getting their shelter done . This is one of the gilts . They are easy to tell apart because the girls have notched ears , while the boys ears are not cut . The farmer must have been thinking of keeping these girls for breeding because that 's how they identify pigs . Rather than tattooing like we do with goats or using ear tags like we do with sheep , they notch their ears . The location of the notch tells you what litter they came from and which pig number they were . Anyway , you wouldn 't waste your time notching ears unless you were planning to register the pigs . Since the boys don 't have notched ears , it means that their destiny has always been pork . Looks like they have some lice eggs around their necks . The farmer said he hadn 't put any powder on them , which makes me think that he normally does that - - puts delousing powder on them . This is the fourth time we 've bought pigs from him , and they 've never had lice before . So , we need to figure out how to deal with this . I certainly don 't want them to have lice because they 're blood suckers , and the pigs won 't gain weight well if they have any kind of parasites . We 've been busy with a variety of things the past few days . Of course , I have to spend a certain amount of time with my goats every day . I absolutely adore my two la mancha babies . The la mancha breed is certainly a great illustration of the saying , " Beauty is in the eye of the beholder . " I think they are the most beautiful goats in the world with the teeny - weeny ears , but some people think they are hideous . Go figure . We finally got some much - needed rain . We had none for two and a half weeks , and we got about an inch , so we can go a few days without worrying about watering . On one of the wet days , we spent almost the whole day cleaning out the small barn . I am hoping to have it cleaned out by the end of June , so we can have our goat show in there . Mike got the entire " regular " garden planted . That is the first time we have ever planted every square inch of the garden , so we 're pretty proud . Katherine and I also transplanted some watermelons into one of the permaculture areas . We put floating row covers on them to protect them from bugs . The next day , Mike and I were coming home from town , and when we pulled into the driveway , we saw the geese pecking and ripping at the row covers ! Who knew geese loved watermelon seedlings ? I jumped out of the car and chased them away . They have acres and acres of grass - - even a few dozen daylilies - - so I don 't think they need my watermelon seedlings ! In 2002 , my professor - husband , three kids , and I left the Chicago suburbs to live the adventure that Thoreau never imagined on a 32 - acre homestead on a creek in the middle of nowhere . As clueless city slickers , we made a lot of mistakes , learned a little , and had a lot of fun . Even though the children have grown up and left home , Mike and I are still here , making some mistakes , learning more , and having tons of fun . If it sounds like a frontier version of Gilligan 's Island . . . well , sit right back and you 'll hear a tale of goat birthing , gardening woes , coyote problems , food from the farm , housebuilding progress , and whatever happens to be happening around here . Some blog posts may contain affiliate links , meaning that I will get a small commission when you purchase something after clicking on the link . You pay exactly the same price as you otherwise would , and you help support the blog . Thanks for your support ! |
There had been moments in the past that defined my life . The death of my mother when I was three , my father 's passing when I was a teenager , and Jasper legally becoming my brother . All of those events paled in comparison to what happened to me a few hours ago when I found out that I was pregnant . Esme was right when she suspected it in the bathroom . I hadn 't wanted to entertain the possibility but my sudden nausea , food cravings , and weight gain all pointed to the obvious , I was going to have a baby . We 'd gone back to the table after Esme made me promise to let Dr . Cullen give me a test and check . I was so scared because I though that Edward would be able to see it on my face . I had never been good at hiding things from others . My face was an open book . The dinner was going well and Edward seemed oblivious to what occurred in the bathroom so I started to relax . That was until he basically tried to get between me and my desert . I 'd gone off on him and caused a riff at the table . I felt so bad afterwards . It was just that my hormones were all over the place . I 'd forgone dancing and decided to turn in early . Of course Edward volunteered to drive me back to the house . Our drive was awkward , especially when we broke out in song . I hated to admit it but being back around Edward was causing my old feelings to stir and that frightened me . We had gone back to the mansion and Edward surprised me by being a gentleman . He helped me out of my dress and respected my boundaries when I told him to leave . The kitchen incident ended up really bringing us closer together . He had fingered me as I clutched the counter . It felt so good to have his hands back inside of my body . I 'd missed our intimacy . Of course I 'd gotten embarrassed when I realized that we performed a sexual act in his mother 's kitchen , so I ran to my room . Edward came upstairs to check on me . He was so sincere and sweet , bringing me my sandwich . He 'd even added a pickle and chips . I was impressed because I knew that Edward was domestically challenged . I let him watch television with me and I felt our friendship return . He had to go to the restroom halfway through our time together and excused himself . I was glad because it was hard trying to ignore him when he was so close . I was trying to sneak some chips off of Edward 's plate when I heart him let loose an expletive . I thought that something might be wrong so I 'd gone to check on him . He was pleasuring himself so I apologized and left the room . I paced in the hallway for a minute before returning . He had pleasured me in the kitchen and I was going to return the favor . Edward 's penis in my mouth was a feeling I had greatly missed . From the way he responded , I assumed that he had missed it too . That night , I went to sleep in Edward 's arms . I planned to invite him to the doctor 's appointment . Something must have gone wrong in the night because when I awoke , Edward was gone . I panicked , thinking that maybe I 'd done something wrong . I tried calling him all day but he never returned my calls . I was racking my brain trying to remember what I could have done to piss him off but I came up with nothing . Esme and Dr . Cullen drove me to the hospital . He set me up in an exam room . I had to take off my clothes and put on one of those awful paper gowns . Esme was so sweet , holding my hand and reassuring me . Although I appreciated what they were doing for me , I wished that Edward was there . Carlisle distracted me while he stuck a needle in my arm to draw blood . He explained to me that the blood test was more accurate than the over the counter urine tests when it came to predicting pregnancy . A lab tech came and took the sample . I was beyond scared by that point . I tried calling Edward again but he still wasn 't picking up . I left him several voicemails but still he didn 't answer me . That was my cue that something really bad had happened . While we waited for the results , Dr . Cullen questioned me on my sexual history . I assured him that I 'd only been with one person and that it had been Edward . Esme gave her husband the death eye for even asking me such a question . Since I had been on birth control , we had to figure out how I conceived . Dr . Cullen went over the list of medicines I 'd taken over the last few months . He figured out that it had to be the Temazepam I 'd taken that counteracted the contraceptives . The drug was used to treat anxiety and help sleep problems . Dr . Moretti had given me a few in the clinic and I 'd taken one on the plane ride back . Carlisle and Esme didn 't know about what happened with Gianna in Italy . The Volturi had decided not to tell them unless absolutely necessary . That meant I had to make up a story about why I 'd taken medicine in Italy . The test came back positive . I was almost ten weeks pregnant . That meant that I conceived that night in Edward 's lair . Maybe even during the piano sex , though I couldn 't be sure . We 'd engaged in so much intercourse that night that it could have occurred anytime . Esme was over the moon that she was going to have another grandchild . I even saw Carlisle beaming at me . They both encouraged me to tell Edward as soon as possible . I told Esme about how I hadn 't been able to contact Edward all day and she said I could use her phone when we got back to the house . After that , Dr . Cullen called a technician into the room and I was given my very first ultrasound . The tech looked to be in her late fifties . Her name was Mrs . Cope and she had the sweetest smile on her face as she squeezed some cold jelly on my exposed belly and moved the machine around . It wasn 't as scary as I 'd thought it would be . The moment I heard my baby 's heartbeat , I fell completely in love . I couldn 't make out much from the blurry image on screen but Dr . Cullen said it was a normal healthy fetus and I believed him . I cried right along with Esme as we watched the developing baby on screen . Carlisle and Mrs . Cope left so that Esme could help me get dressed . She wiped off my stomach and hugged me . I was sad that my mother couldn 't be here for this moment but Esme was the next best thing . She was so supportive and loving and that made me feel safe . I went into the bathroom so I could change out of the gown and put my clothes back on . I stood in the mirror for several minutes looking at my belly . Pretty soon it would be swollen with my beautiful child . As I rubbed my stomach , I felt a strong sense of protectiveness and tenderness sweep over my body . I was going to do everything in my power to make sure my child was healthy , loved , and happy . Dr . Cullen returned and passed Esme an envelope that contained several ultrasound pictures . Her face lit up like he 'd just given her the biggest diamond on Earth . I smiled as they embraced each other . I was still worried about telling Edward but I knew that as long as Carlisle and Esme were there for me , I would be okay . They both fussed over me as we went downstairs and got into the car . Carlisle gave me the name and phone number of the hospital 's top OBGYN . He had already made me an appointment to see her next week . We stopped to eat lunch at a local restaurant before heading back . When we got to the house , Alec came out to greet us . He chatted with the Cullens for awhile before they left us alone . He told me that he needed to talk to me . I got angry at him because I wanted to tell Edward everything and he still wanted to wait . I 'd broken down and told him about my pregnancy . He tried to convince me that everything would be all right . I broke down in his arms sobbing . It was nothing like being in Edward 's arms but it comforted me somewhat . I went into the house and used Esme 's phone to call Edward . He was short with me and butterflies began to form in my stomach . He told me that he would come see me in thirty minutes . I was so nervous as I waited for him . The rest of the family was playing games in he living room but I didn 't want to see them until I told Edward . I 'd gone out to the back deck to read while I waited . The minute Edward came through the door , I knew that our conversation wasn 't going to end well . He was dressed up in a wrinkled suit and he looked off . He looked more like the man I 'd met on that first day when he gave me the secretary job . That wasn 't the Edward I needed right now . I sucked up all my insecurities and told him I was pregnant . Nothing could have prepared me for his reaction . He was pissed off . He yelled at me and threw his chair over the deck . I couldn 't stop the tears that came out of my eyes . Deep in my heart I 'd known that Edward wouldn 't be happy . The few times we discussed children , he either changed the subject or made derogatory remarks . He told me that he knew about Alec . I thought that maybe that was why he was so angry . Edward slung some of the vilest accusations at me . He called me a slut and accused me of being a gold digger . That had stoked my anger because I 'd never once asked him for money or anything else for that matter . I punched him hard in the jaw . He tried to leave but I stopped him and asked about his feelings for the baby . He called my unborn child a ' shitmaker ' and a ' bastard ' . It hurt so bad to know that he didn 't want to have anything to do with our child . I didn 't think it could get much worse until his parting words . He basically told me I was going to become unattractive and ugly and that him and no other man would ever want to touch me again . When he left , I laid on the cold deck floor and cried as my heart broke . Edward didn 't want me anymore and he wouldn 't be there for the baby . Esme came out and cried with me until Carlisle carried me up to my room . I sat motionless as she dressed me and braided my hair . Even though Edward and I were technically broken up , I had held a tiny hope that we would get back together . I still loved him and couldn 't believe that he would hurt me so badly . Esme left and I cried until I fell asleep . I slept for almost three hours before a nightmare woke me up . I had dreamt of Edward and one of his bimbos pointing and laughing at my pregnant belly . In my dream , he called me the same names and taunted me while the bimbo gave him a blowjob . I had to pee so I went to the restroom . My body was bathed in sweat and I felt awful . I cringed when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror . I had to pull myself together . Someone knocked on the door . I went to open it and saw Alice on the other side . She took one look at me and her big blue eyes filled with concern . She wasted no time walking into the room and hugging me . I wrapped my arms around her tiny shoulders and resumed crying . She led us to the bed where we sat down . She tried to shush me but I was beyond inconsolable . I ended up telling her everything . I repeated what he 'd said to me on the patio . I felt her tense up by the time I got to the end . She was so angry that her small body was trembling . " That asshole ! Don 't worry , Bella . We 're going to get to the bottom of this . All this time , I … tried to help him get you back . Oh Bella , it 's my fault too . " She began to cry . I promised her that it wasn 't her fault that Edward was acting like a douchebag . She excused herself to the restroom while I tidied up the room . I doubted that I would be going back to sleep anytime soon . I was folding up my favorite throw when Jasper burst through the door . He took one look at me and rushed to my side . He sat down on the bed and pulled me into his lap . I buried my head into his neck and let the rest of the tears escape my heart . Alice came out of the restroom carrying her cell phone . They were both so great . I was ruining their holiday and they weren 't even mad at me . Alice sat on the other side of Jasper and petted my hand . It was oddly very comforting . Jaz asked me some questions about the pregnancy . He and Ali were super excited about being an Aunt and Uncle . They promised me that they would be there for me and the baby . So far , everyone had taken the news of my pregnancy well , except for the one that should have cared the most , Edward . Alice made plans to go baby shopping as soon as possible . I almost groaned . Jaz and Alice left the room . I knew that he had been calm for my benefit . The dam would burst soon . I was reading a book when the flood began . My door was still open so I heard everything . Edward was downstairs demanding to speak to me . Thankfully , someone was holding him back . I had nothing more to say to him . Hadn 't he broken me enough ? " Damnit , Jasper , I need to see her . It was all a misunderstanding ! If I don 't talk to her now she 's going to think the wrong thing ! " I crept downstairs so that I could see what was happening . I hid behind a tall indoor tree . Jasper had Edward pinned up against the wall . His arm was on Edward 's neck . Esme and Alice were crying softly . Rosalie was glaring daggers at Edward and Emmett was trying to break up the fight . I didn 't see Dr . Cullen anywhere . Jasper was yelling expletives and pressing Edward harder into the wall . " I 'm not letting you near by baby sister again ! I knew from the beginning that it was a bad idea for her to get involved with you , but she was in love and wouldn 't listen to me . I should have never let it get this far . Do you even know how broken she is ? ! No , you don 't because you don 't fucking care about her . I seriously thought you 'd changed and wanted to be with her . You had me fooled but no more . I promised Charlie that I would take care of Bella for the rest of my life and that 's what I 'm going to do . " Emmett finally managed to pull Jasper 's arm off of Edward 's throat . Edward coughed and clutched his neck . " Please , Jasper , I need to talk to Bella . I need to apologize so that we can make plans for the future . " He was lying . He didn 't want me or the baby . He was just trying to do the right thing because his mother had probably spoken to him . I didn 't need his pity . We were done . I was no longer in love with Edward . In fact I hated him with a deep seeded passion . " No ! You will stay far away from her . I am going to take care of my sister and her baby . She doesn 't need you . She told me what you said to her when she told you she was pregnant . How could you , you fucker ? ! I should have known something was seriously wrong when she left and went to Spokane , but I chalked it up to a lover 's tiff . There 's no telling what kinds of vile things you 've said and done to her that she 's kept secret from me . The only thing preventing me from killing you is the fact that you 're the father of my future niece or nephew . " Jasper nodded his head . " Yes and this fucker called her a slut and her unborn child a bastard . He told her that he didn 't want to have anything to do with their baby . She 's upstairs crying her eyes out . " " You piece of shit ! I thought you changed . You 're still the same selfish prick you always were . Do you know how scary it is for a woman to find out she 's pregnant ? Poor Bella , she must feel so bad . " She went to stand beside Jasper . " Don 't Alice me , you dick ! I saw Bella . She didn 't deserve to be treated that way , Edward . You 're just as selfish as you always were . You weren 't there for me when I developed my eating disorder and you 've already shown that you won 't be there for Bella and her baby . I wish you weren 't my brother . " " I 'm quitting the club . Find yourself a new manager . Don 't come near my sister again or I promise that I will fuck you up . You 're dead to me Edward . " After that Alice managed to pull him into the kitchen . Rose and Em gave Edward disgusted looks before following . Edward looked after them with a pained expression on his face . He lowered his eyes and I saw tears cover his face . He looked horrible . His jaw was swollen and his hair was a complete mess . He also had a black eye and other facial bruises from Jasper 's beating . I felt bad for him until I remembered what he 'd said to me on the deck . Edward started to protest until his mom whispered something in his ear . He nodded once and bid her and Carlisle goodnight . His usual swagger was full of defeat . He looked like a shell of the Edward I knew . I went to the kitchen to get a snack . Everyone gave me a hug and asked about the baby . Esme came inside and passed out the sonogram pictures . Emmett made jokes about me being knocked up . Rosie hit him on the head a few times . The women almost fought over who would make me a snack . The men made sure I was comfortable before leaving to have a talk . I was sure that it was going to be a conversation about Edward and me . After I finished eating , I went upstairs to read . I fell asleep a little after eleven . I was so tired all of the time . I knew that it was because of the baby but it was going to take some getting used to . I was sleeping heavily when I felt a hand caress my forehead . It felt soft and wonderful so I didn 't want to climb out of my slumber . I vaguely felt someone lift me and carry me somewhere . The next thing I knew I was sleeping in something that moved . I thought that I must be dreaming so I snuggled deeper into my blanket . When I woke up , Esme and Carlisle were leaning over me . Esme kissed me on the cheek . " Bella , I 'm so sorry for what I 'm about to do , but it 's for your own good . I just want my grandchild to be born into a peaceful situation so that 's why I kidnapped you . " Carlisle cleared his throat . " Esme promised Edward that she would help him get the chance to explain himself to you . We knew that he 'd never be able to do it at our house because everyone is angry at him . We 're going to lock you and Edward together in his penthouse for twenty four hours . Use the time to talk about your futures and the baby . We will come back to get you at eight in the morning on Thanksgiving Day . Esme smiled sadly at me . " Please , don 't hate us for this , Bella . It will all work out in the end . I told Jasper that I was taking you away for the night so you could calm down . Dr . Cullen and I will be downstairs in Alice 's apartment . Please use your time together to straighten out your feelings . " I turned my head away from the both of them . My greatest champions had chosen Edward over me . I was beyond upset . Dr . Cullen carried me up to the private elevator doors . I demanded that he put me down . He shared a look with Esme before complying . I ignored both of them as we rode up to Edward 's penthouse . He hugged his mom and Carlisle . " Thank you both so much , " he said happily . " This means the world to me . I 'll owe you guys forever . " Esme handed me an overnight bag . She tried to kiss me on the forehead but I pulled away . I knew that I was acting childish but I was still angry about her betrayal . She smiled at me before leaving with Dr . Cullen . Edward turned to me and gave me a toothy smile . " Babydoll , I 'm so damn sorry . I got everything wrong and acted like an asshole . Please forgive me Bella . I love you and our baby . My mom showed me the sonogram picture . Our baby is beautiful . We 're going to be wonderful parents . " He tried to take my hand . I stepped away . " Stay the hell away from me Edward ! You 're always so sorry . You 're a pathetic piece of shit . I hate you and I wish the father of my child was anyone else but you . It is not our baby , it 's mine . I will never forgive you for as long as I live ! " I turned to go to one of the bedrooms but Edward blocked my path . A wave of intense hatred consumed my body . I stepped right into his face . I raised my leg and kneed him in the balls . He bent down to cup himself . I kicked him again . He fell to the floor . I kept kicking him in the groin until my foot started to ache . I was only wearing my ballet flats . Edward 's face was completely red and he was rolling on the ground while breathing heavily . I kicked him one last time , square in the balls . He made a horrific noise and then retched . I spat on him . " That 's what you can do with your apology ! I hope your dick shrivels up and falls off ! For the last time , stay the hell away from me ! " I left him on the floor in the pool of vomit . I set myself up in one of his guest rooms . It had a queen sized bed , tasteful furniture , and a big screen TV mounted on the wall . I planned to hole myself up in there until Esme and Carlisle came back for me . I went into the bathroom and put on a pair of short black pajama shorts and a white camisole . When I rifled through my overnight bag , I saw that Esme had included my Ipod but no phone . I guessed that they didn 't want to risk me calling anyone for help . I put my headphones on and laid down on the bed . " To Zion " by Lauryn Hill started to play . I sang along to the song . The lyrics made me cry because I now understood what she 'd been talking about . It was so overwhelming to find out I was pregnant . I rubbed my belly and cooed to the baby as the song surrounded me . Around one in the morning , my stomach started to rumble . It seems my little angel was hungry all the time . If I kept up all this eating , I was going to be a house by the time I gave birth ; that thought caused me to remember Edward 's words about me becoming a whale , and I began to cry again . My emotions went from zero to sixty all the time . A few seconds later , I started to get that feeling that my stomach was turning in on itself . I was shaking . I knew that I would have to leave the room and get some food . I just hoped that Edward had cleaned up his vomit because that was sure to turn my stomach . I didn 't want to spend the night puking over the toilet . I opened my door as quietly as I could and tiptoed out to the hallway . Edward 's penthouse was huge and the kitchen was state of the art . It wasn 't fair that he had the best of everything . He sure as hell didn 't deserve it . I passed the spot I 'd left Edward at on the floor . Everything was cleaned up and smelled strongly of some kind of chemical cleaner . I had to hold my nose . The lights in the kitchen were on . When I saw Edward standing next to the stove , I started to leave but my stomach had other plans . I would just ignore him . He turned around when he heard me enter . If possible , he looked even worse than before . He was wearing low slung jeans and a white t - shirt . His eyes were bloodshot and had deep circles underneath . He was as pale as I 'd ever seen him . He looked like a corpse . I ignored him and opened the refrigerator . " Please just talk to me , Bella . I can make you a plate . It 's chicken cordon bleu . I also have mashed potatoes and green beans to go along with it . I can put some rolls in the oven if you like . " I closed the refrigerator and glared at him . He looked sad but hopeful . The food smelled delicious . My stomach settled when I sniffed the air . Although I was hungry , I wasn 't about to give him the satisfaction of feeding me . Edward had to suffer . " Don 't call me ' babydoll ' Cullen . In fact don 't even call me Bella because that 's reserved for my friends . You no longer fit into that category . When referring to me use Isabella or Ms . Swan . And I don 't want any food that you made . I hate you . " I stomped over to the dishes he pointed to . I used an oven mitt to lift the chicken . I walked over to the garbage can and threw it in , pan and all . I did the same to the containers of green beans and mashed potatoes . I hated to waste food but I wanted to hurt Edward . He lowered his head and sat down on a bar stool . I searched the freezer until I found a frozen Supreme pizza . I put it on a pan and then put it in the oven to warm . Then , I got ingredients for a salad . I thought that Edward would leave once I grabbed the knife but he stayed . " Isabella , when you told me you were pregnant , I thought that you were having an affair with Alec . During the night when you were sleeping , I heard you mumble something about Alec and then a secret . A reliable source told me that he 'd been to your apartment in Spokane . Later , I saw you two arguing in the guesthouse . I thought that you were cheating on me , so when you told me you were pregnant , I assumed it was by him , " Edward admitted . " You stupid asshole ! You didn 't even bother to talk to me ! You just assumed the worst about me and about Alec . He took a bullet for you , and I saved your life ! You thought … . You are the dumbest prick on the face of the Earth ! Did you honestly think your explanation would make me hate you less ? Go to hell Edward ! I 'm sure your father is saving a spot for you ! " He stood up and growled . " Say what you want about me , but leave my father out of it ! You didn 't know him and you have no right to speak ill of the dead . " I got up into his face . " You don 't tell me what I can and can 't say . Your father was a lying bastard just like you . I feel bad for Esme , having such a pathetic piece of shit for a husband and the same for a son . At least Alice is human . " He glared at me . His nostrils were flaring . I almost thought that he might hit me but he didn 't . Instead he went to sit back down . , " There 's more . I was so angry when I thought you and Alec cheated that I called Heidi and a few girls from the club . I was planning on having an orgy to forget you . In the end I couldn 't do it . The girls engaged in sex and I watched but nothing happened . Well , almost nothing . Heidi kissed my neck and fondled my cock a little . I swear to you that that 's all that occurred . " I popped a cherry tomato into my mouth . There was no way I would believe that story . He 'd set up an orgy and then not participated , yeah right . " Edward , Edward , Edward , how dumb do you think I am ? Never mind , don 't bother to answer that . I 'm sure you had fun with your little whores . I bet they were blonde and busty just like you like . I 'm not even mad at you . Who you fuck is no longer my concern . Just keep the skanks away from me and my baby . " He made an exasperated noise . " I swear to you that nothing happened . Those bitches don 't mean anything to me . It was a mistake on my part . I 'm sorry for all of it . I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you . I want to be a good father to our child . I want to be there for you during this pregnancy and raise our kid the right way . Please , please , please forgive me Bella . I love you so much . " I was quiet while I finished making my salad . I heard Edward stand up and start pacing . I didn 't turn around because I didn 't want to see his cheating lying face . " I can 't keep you away from the baby Edward , but you will not come near me . I hate you with every cell of my being . I honestly wouldn 't care if you dropped dead at this moment . You once said that you wished we never met and I wholeheartedly agree . " You have done nothing but ruin my life and almost get me killed ! " I yelled , glaring at him . " You 're not the only one to blame though . I was the one that slept with you without protection ; I was the one that convinced myself that I loved you and that you loved me ; And I was the one that trusted you . I hope you have fun with your whores . Whatever we had is long gone . " He must have had enough because he exited the kitchen . Usually , I would have cried but I had no more tears left for Edward or for our failed relationship . I ate my salad in silence . It tasted kind of bland so I added some chocolate chips . For some reason , ranch dressing and chocolate tasted awesome together . Damn pregnancy cravings . My pizza finished , and I took it out of the oven . I pinched some cheese off of the corners . It burned my tongue but I was so hungry . I thought about cutting the pizza into slices but decided that I 'd probably eat the whole thing . I did cut it in half and place it on a large tray . Then , I grabbed a bottle of Pellegrino and headed back to the room . Edward was sitting on the couch with his head down when I passed . He hadn 't even bothered to turn on any lights or the television . I ignored him and continued onto my destination . I finished my snack in five minutes flat . The simple fact that I had eaten a whole pizza at two in the morning didn 't escape me . I was truly knocked up . I rubbed my stomach and sighed . " Baby Swan , I hope that you are finished for the night because I 'm beat . Mommy loves you sweetheart . " A warm feeling spread though my body . It was almost as if the baby was telling me that it loved me , too . I smiled until my cheeks hurt . Somehow , I managed to roll out of bed and brush my teeth . I didn 't want to risk seeing Edward again , so I just put my dirty dishes back onto the tray and set it on the coffee table . It was funny ; I 'd always thought that I would get married and then have children . When I imagined my husband , the image was always of a faceless man that loved and adored me and our kids . I used to dream of having a big family . Here I was , twenty - four years old , knocked up from an unplanned pregnancy , and a single woman . My parents would probably be ashamed if they could see me . I couldn 't even blame it all on Edward . I had been the one to want to have sex without a condom . I had loved him beyond reason and I was being punished for it . The only good thing that could come out of this mess was the baby . I was almost asleep when a brilliant idea came to me . Since Edward was playing the sad suitor , I would make him truly hurt . I came up with O . T . E . D or Operation Take Edward Down . I spent the next hour thinking of ways to torture him . He had called my baby and me names - - he could insult me but no one , and I mean no one , insulted Baby Swan . I was going to make his life so miserable that he would rue the day he met me . I fell asleep with thoughts of torturing Edward in my head . When I woke up , the sun was out . I looked at my bedside clock . It was nine in the morning the day before Thanksgiving . Carlisle and Esme would be by to get me tomorrow , so I just had to hold out until then . I decided that I would work on O . T . E . D for the rest of my stay . After stretching , I went to the restroom to brush my teeth . I grabbed a cup and swallowed one of my prenatal vitamins . I liked what I saw in the mirror . I was definitely gaining weight but I was glowing . My cheeks were slightly flushed . I looked good . Smiling , I lifted up my tank top and said hello to Baby Swan . I heard him mumble something and then walk away . I grabbed a pair of blue stretch pants out of my bag . I paired them with a Sailor Moon t - shirt and blue hoodie . There was no one here that I wanted to impress so I was dressing for comfort . I put on my ballet slippers and headed out the door . I didn 't see Edward , so I continued to the kitchen . Unfortunately , my luck ran out , because he was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee when I entered . I noticed that there were two large glasses set out . One contained orange juice and the other contained milk . I assumed they were for me . I left them sitting and poured myself a new glass of juice . There was also a plate of waffles , sausage , and eggs sitting on the counter . I ignored all of that , too . Instead , I went to the cupboard and pulled out a box of Cheerios . I poured some in a bowl and added milk . Then , I went to the refrigerator and retrieved two strawberry yogurt cups . The waffles and eggs smelled so good that I almost broke down and ate them but then I remembered O . T . E . D and stopped myself . I gathered my breakfast and put it on the table , taking the seat across from Edward . He still looked bad but at least he 'd showered . He was wearing a different pair of dark wash jeans and a long sleeved v - neck black sweater . His eye was a little less swollen but it was still a bluish purple color . His jaw was bruised . I smiled , hoping that his privates matched his face . " I 'm sorry . Please don 't look at me since I 'm so grotesque to you . Listen , we need to talk before you hole yourself up in your room for the rest of the day , " he muttered . I put a big spoonful of yogurt in my mouth . I did it slowly so it looked more erotic than it should have . Edward 's eyes went instantly to my mouth . He gulped . I licked the spoon clean . My ministrations were meant to remind him of his last blowjob . I hoped that he was enjoying the show because he 'd never get the real thing again ; at least not from me . He managed to shake himself out of the trance . " Um … Bel - Isabella … you … . um … should eat the breakfast I made for you . It took me three hours to make it . I kept messing up and burning things . I never knew cooking could be so difficult . I really appreciate you making meals for me all the time . I love you , babydoll . " I stabbed my spoon in my cereal and took a healthy bite . My plan was not working . Edward almost looked happy , which wouldn 't do at all . " I 'm glad you enjoyed the food I made for you because you won 't ever get it again . I told you that I would not be eating anything you made and I meant it . Stop trying to pretend like you 're a great boyfriend taking care of your girlfriend . We are not in a relationship . We 're just two people that happen to be having a baby with each other . Do yourself and me a favor and refrain from speaking to me . " He threw his napkin down . " I 'm trying here , Isabella . I can 't go back and change the past . All I can do Is try to be a better person in the future . Can 't you at least meet me halfway ? " I went back to eating my Cheerios , ignoring Edward for the rest of breakfast . He stared at me the whole time . I stared back at him with a raised eyebrow , daring him to say something . He kept quiet . It was starting to get hot so I took off my hoodie . Edward gawked at my chest . I wasn 't wearing a bra under my tiny t - shirt . My breasts had grown a little but I still liked going braless when I was lounging around . I absentmindedly rubbed my stomach as I drank my juice . Edward 's eyes followed my hand movement . He had a cheesy grin on his face . " God you 're beautiful . May I see your stomach ? I would like to say hello to the baby . " I might have let him if he hadn 't of said that line about me being ' beautiful ' . He had already made it clear that he didn 't find me attractive . It made me angry that he would lie to me to try to get something he wanted . I tensed up . " No , you may not ' see my stomach ' . Keep your grubby diseased fingers to yourself . Baby Swan doesn 't want to hear your voice and neither do I . " " Just because you 're the sperm donor doesn 't mean you have any rights to my baby . You are not the one carrying it . You will not be the one that is there for it when it 's born . The law can make me give you visitation but that 's it . " He stood up and went to the sink . I watched him grab some dish towels and started wiping the Yoplait out of his hair before he turned to me . " I 'm going to get a hell of a lot more than visitation . I don 't want to fight you , Isabella , but if you insist on being stubborn , I will take you to court and petition for partial custody . " " Try it motherfucker ! I will ask Carlisle and Esme to hire the best lawyer money can buy . I would spend the rest of my life paying them back if I had to . Do you really want me to get on a stand and testify to all your verbal and emotional abuse ? You 're the one in anger management for his temper . You 're the Mobster who engages in illegal activities . When I got done with you , you 'd be lucky to have supervised visitations . Try me Cullen . Bella may have been easily manipulated by your lies but Mama Swan is not . When it comes to my baby , I will do anything . " " I concede . Can we stop arguing for a second and talk about this like rational adults ? It 's probably not good for you or the baby when you get so enraged . I know you hate me but please , we need to discuss some important matters , " he pleaded He tried to make conversation while I ate the rest of my breakfast . I zoned out . Eventually he got tired of me not answering and stormed out of the kitchen . Perhaps Edward was right . The anger couldn 't be good for the baby , but I didn 't know how else to feel . I was scared of being a single mother ; even with the help of the Cullens and my brother , it was going to be difficult . I had been thinking of returning to school , but I would have to wait . I was also going to have to move back to Seattle . Then there was the whole Russian Mafia thing that Alec told me about . I would have to keep my baby safe and away from all of that stuff . I couldn 't live with Jasper or Alice because they lived in this building this building that belonged to Edward . I would probably have to ask Carlisle and Esme to let me move in with them . I could pay them rent . Since my job was in Spokane , I would need to quit and find work in Seattle . I 'd have to find employment soon , because there were few employers willing to hire pregnant women . All these thoughts overwhelmed me as I washed my breakfast dishes . I was passing Edward 's room when I noticed something on his dresser . It was the Bella Swan doll . The exact same one he gave to me . His was in a glass case sitting on his dresser . I went to the storage closet and pulled out what I needed . I went back to his room and opened the glass case . I began hammering the doll into little pieces . Edward rushed into the room . I didn 't listen , I just kept killing the monument of the past me . Each shattered piece represented our broken love vows that day . He tried to grab the hammer away from me but failed . I hit his fingers a few times , causing him to swear loudly . I didn 't stop until the doll was completely destroyed . A single tear ran down Edward 's cheek . " I loved that doll Isabella . The artist who made it doesn 't like making duplicates . I had to beg him to do two and I don 't know anyone else that can create such high quality . " He was acting like such a baby . " Don 't get your boxers in a twist Cullen . You can have mine . I don 't want it . " If possible , he looked even sadder when I said that . I felt a flutter go through my veins . It felt good to be hurting Edward for once . I was in control and I loved it . O . T . E . D was a success so far . I left him to sweep up the pieces of the doll . My anger was satiated for the moment . I watched a little TV in my room . When that became boring , I went to Edward 's library to get a book . He had an excellent collection that I 'm sure he took for granted . I ended up choosing Persuasion by Jane Austen . I hadn 't read it in a while . I sat down on one of the overstuffed loveseats and read . I spotted a cashmere throw in the corner and curled up , wrapping it around my trembling shoulders . I must have drifted off to sleep , because when I woke up it was raining . I realized that I was sitting in someone 's lap . Edward . I jumped up . " Don 't touch me ! I don 't want to catch any of the filthy diseases you 're carrying around . I can 't believe I let you fuck me bareback . " He pulled me back into his arms . " Damn it Bella , I don 't have any fucking diseases ! I 'll get Carlisle to give test me for STD 's if that makes you feel better . I never cheated on you . I haven 't touched another woman since that first day when I met you . We weren 't together then and I already confessed . I never cheated on you . I love you too fucking much , even though you seem to hate my guts . " I didn 't believe him . I kept struggling in his arms . He still wouldn 't let me go . I wiggled my arms out of the blanket and punched him square in the mouth . His lip swelled and started to bleed . I used his momentary paralysis to stand up . I grabbed my book and ran to my room before he could get me again . A few minutes later , he was pounding the door . " Open this fucking door right now Swan ! I 've tried to play nice but you threw that shit in my face . Either open the door or I will break it the fuck down . You have two minutes . " I didn 't move from my perch on the bed . He had made this threat before . He was just trying to manipulate me to get what he wanted . The next thing I knew , my door was being broken down . I could hear a power drill and what sounded like a hammer . Edward was breaking down the door . I started to panic . I ran to the bathroom to hide . I heard him enter the room . He came and knocked on the bathroom door . I wasn 't about to let him intimidate me . I opened the door . He was standing there waiting for me . He looked deep in my eyes . I sneered at him . He looked down at his shoes . " How did we come to this , Isabella ? We were so in love . Remember the night I took you to the opera . You were so beautiful and then when we made love … . " He pulled on his bronze mane . I had an odd urge to pull it all out until he was bald . " Is that all you remember Bella , the bad times ? There were plenty of good ones , too . I know what we had wasn 't perfect but don 't throw it away so easily . I am still madly in love with you . I want to be with you and our baby forever . I want to have more children with you and grow old together . I want you to be mine again . I can 't take much more of this fighting and arguing bullshit . I love you . " " Yes , that 's all I remember because that 's all we had . I remember you making fun of my body , almost getting me killed , threatening to bang other whores , breaking my heart , and calling me and your unborn child names . Don 't play the victim , Edward . You brought this on yourself . Our volatile romance is over . There is no forever for us - - maybe there never was . Please , just leave me alone to my thoughts . " I looked up . Edward 's eyes were tortured . He looked like he hadn 't slept in a long time . His shoulders sagged with fatigue . I felt kind of bad for him but not bad enough to apologize . " Okay , I won 't bother you for the rest of the time you 're here . I won 't stop fighting for you and our future family . I truly love you . I 'm going to lay down . Let me know if you need anything . I 'll see you at Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow . " I breathed a sigh of relief when he left . My room was now doorless but I had a feeling that Edward would stay out . I made myself a quick dinner in the kitchen and then went to sleep . I was emotionally drained for the day . I woke up around seven in the morning . I rubbed my stomach and told Baby Swan ' Happy Thanksgiving ' . Then , I took a shower and washed all the sweat off of my body . I was starting to have hot flashes during the night , which was another unfortunate symptom of pregnancy . After I got out , I put on my only other change of clothes - - a green sweater and tan tights . I was going to have to go shopping with Alice to get some jeans that fit soon . I packed up my overnight bag and went to the kitchen to get breakfast . As usual , Edward was there . He 'd made me a large omelet that smelled heavenly . I wondered how many tries it took him before it came out right , but I didn 't ask . I bypassed his culinary efforts and made myself a pan of scrambled eggs and some toast . I heard him groan in frustration . " Well … . um … I got some books about pregnancy and childbirth . I thought that maybe we could look at them together later today . My mom also told me about a prenatal couples ' yoga class we could take . Then there are the Lamaze classes … " I interrupted . " I 'm sure Jasper will be glad to take me to all of that . You have nothing to do for the next six months . Go back to doing what you love ; have sex with your bimbos , buy useless expensive crap , and go on a vacation . I 'll be fine . " His smile fell . " Please , let me be involved in your pregnancy . Jasper and Alice have to plan for a wedding . They might not have time to take you to all those classes . The only thing I love doing is being with you . Don 't leave me again Bella . " I ate my eggs out of the pan , using toast to scoop them up . Edward stared at me with a hurt expression on his face . I stuck my tongue out at him . It was childish but it made him look away . We continued our tense standoff until Carlisle and Esme returned . Edward went to let them in and I followed . I was in a hurry to get out of the Penthouse and away from him . Dr . Cullen grabbed my bag . I didn 't even say goodbye as I sauntered past all of them . I heard Edward say that he loved me . I took the elevator down to the private garage . I didn 't even wait for the Cullens . I walked over to Dr . Cullens Mercedes . He and Esme came to join me ten minutes later . They both smiled at me sadly before getting into the car . " Esme , Carlisle , I want you to know that I 'm not mad at you guys . Edward and I are over . Please don 't hate me . I really tried but we were never meant to be together . I 'm going to need your help raising the baby . Please , just say that you don 't hate me . " Esme got out of the car and came to the back . She held me as I cried . She told me that they lovd me and that I was a part of the family no matter what . Dr . Cullen pulled away and we headed home . Alice assaulted me at the door . She said that I looked better than I did yesterday . They all thought Esme had taken me to an overnight spa or something . I went along with the charade . The pixie followed me upstairs so she could show me the dress she 'd picked out for me to wear . It was black , short , strapless , and had a sequined bodice . It would also show off a lot of leg . I began to worry . She saw me studying it skeptically . " Bella , it 's going to look awesome on you . You do want to be a hot mama , don 't you ? I promise you that if wear this dress you 'll look hot . Plus , you 'll get to prove Edward wrong , " she giggled . After that speech I couldn 't resist . I was allowed to go back to sleep for a couple hours . When I woke up both Alice and Rosalie were in my room getting dressed . They were both already in their robes . Thanksgiving dinner at the Cullens was traditionally a formal affair so the men wore suits and the women wore dresses . The food we were going to eat was made by a popular catering company . I had offered to make something but Esme insisted that we should just enjoy our holiday and not be stuck in the kitchen . Alice sent me to the bathroom . I showered for around twenty minutes . She was getting impatient , so I took my seat in the vanity mirror . I was allowed to put on my own black lace panties and matching strapless bra . We each took turns helping each other with hair and makeup . When we finished , we looked damn good . Rosalie was my new idol . She was a mother but she was smoking hot . She was wearing a sleeveless red bubble dress with an embroidered empire waist . Alice and I had curled her golden locks and put them in an updo . We left some to frame her face . She did a twirl in front of the mirror . Ali and I catcalled , causing her to roll her eyes and laugh . Alice took her turn in the lighted floor length three way mirror next . She had chosen a high fashion sleeveless red and black taffeta dress . Her short spiky hair was given extra body and held back with a black rose headband . She looked absolutely beautiful . The dress made her big blue eyes stand out . Both Rosie and Alice were wearing black stilettos . I didn 't want to take my twirl in the mirror but they made me . I was shocked that I looked so good . The dress fit perfectly on my petite frame . I rubbed my belly and cooed to the baby . Rosie and Alice came to stand next to me . They were truly my sisters . I started to cry . I giggled . My hair was parted to the side and left hanging down in soft waves . I wore my mom 's old diamond earrings and nothing else . I noticed Alice 's and Rosalie 's wedding and engagement rings . I would never have a husband or true love like them . A deep pain passed through my heart at the thought . I was alone in the world . I had no mate . Instead of continuing to mope , I decided to focus on the good things . The Cullens loved me . I was in good health and so was my baby . I had a brother who loved and cared for me . I was blessed . Esme came in to see what we were wearing . She had on a three fourth sleeved fashionable short black dress . I hoped my legs looked as good as hers when I was her age . She was another hot mama . If she and Rose could pull off motherhood so gracefully then there was hope for me . Esme was also wearing stands of pearls that crisscrossed her neck . Her light brown hair was in a braided updo . She bent down to help me put on the silver heels that Ali picked out for me . They were only two inches , which was enough for me . Alice had picked out the men 's clothes too . They would eah be wearing black wool Hugo Boss suits and ties that matched their eye colors . Carlisle and Jasper both had blue eyes but Jasper 's were more cornflower blue where Carlisle 's were aqua . Emmet 's tie would be a light brown golden color , and he who must not be named would be wearing green . Esme took a few pictures of us girls before we headed downstairs . All the men were waiting in the living room . Each came to compliment and hug their respective spouse as we entered . I giggled when I saw that Dr . Cullen was nibbling on Esme 's neck . She was half heartedly trying to fight him off . Emmet 's eyes bugged out and he kept trying to pull Rose upstairs . She smacked him . Jaz and Alice began making out with their arms around each other . Colin and Brady were wearing matching little boy suits . They came to tell me hello . I took turns picking them up and kissing them on their cheeks . Emmett made a joke about how they were already ladies men . I stuck my tongue out at him , which caused Colin and Brady to do the same . Everyone laughed while Em continued to fake pout . He looked good ; even with the half swollen eye and lip , he was still extremely beautiful . He looked like an angel that had gotten into an accident . My clit started to tingle - - I was ashamed that he still had that effect on me . He gave Esme a beautiful arrangement of white flowers . She went to set it on the dining room table while he sauntered over to me carrying a glass vase of assorted roses . The colors were beautiful . His face lit up with a smile . " My God Bella . You 're absolutely gorgeous . That dress looks perfect on you . I hope you 're feeling good today . The baby isn 't giving you any problems , is it ? I brought these for you . " He held out the flowers to me . I made no move to accept them . He leaned in and tried to kiss me , but I dodged him . That hurt expression came back to his face again . I left him standing there with the flowers while I went to mingle with the rest of the Cullens . Jasper was shooting Edward death glares and so was Rosalie . Esme went to stand by Edward . She and Dr . Cullen were the only two talking to him . One of the Cullen 's maids came in to announce that dinner was ready . We all went to the dining room . It was beautiful . There was fancy China with blue flowers and white doves sitting on white linen placemats . Our napkins were folded into swans . I rubbed my stomach . There was a large cornucopia in the middle of the table along with the centerpiece Edward bought . There were two large turkeys that looked to be over twenty five pounds each . Everyone laughed and I blushed . The place setting put me next to Edward . I complained and Alice switched seats with me . Jasper sat on the other side of her , which left two people between Edward and I . He stood up . I ignored Edward and helped Jaz tuck his napkin into his collar . He could be a real messy eater sometimes . I saw Esme give Edward a look , e nodded his head and then sat down . I didn 't want to ruin the dinner , so I kept my mouth shut . Esme wanted us all to go around the table and say what we were thankful for . Everyone took their turns saying they were thankful for family , etc . Em caused laughter by saying that he was thankful for Rosie 's breasts . She tried to cover the boy 's ears . Em protested and said that they benefited from her knockers , too . After that , she threatened ' no cuddle time ' and he shutup . His comment made me think of Edward and how he 'd said my breasts were too small to feed a child . I shouldn 't have forgiven him for that . I was so naive back then . " I 'm thankful that God has chosen to bless me with his greatest gift , a baby . I 'm also thankful for being here with my new family . All of you , except for one green - eyed devil , are special to me . " A few people gasped . I mentally chastised myself for using the moment to prod Edward . Everyone was looking at him . His head was hanging low . He had a sad expression on his face . Alice wrapped her arm around his shoulder . He looked like he was about to cry . " I 'm thankful for being here with everyone I love . I 'm most thankful for Bella and our unborn child . Contrary to popular belief , I love and care for them both deeply . " Dr . Cullen and Esme smiled at him . I played with my napkin . The food came after that . It seemed like Emmett and I were having a contest of who could eat the most . My mouth was too tiny to take in the food as fast as him . He winked at me as we both bit into a drumstick . I giggled . Edward caught our play and smirked at me . My smile became a scowl . He turned away . I chatted happily with everyone . Every time Edward attempted to make conversation , I would leave the discussion and concentrate on my food . I knew that he was getting frustrated because he 'd stopped eating . He was just pushing the food around his plate . Desert came next . Em and I managed to eat a whole pie each . After that , I was stuffed . I watched in amazement as Emmett kept going . Collin and Brady were young gluttons in the makings . They would be on their father 's level one day . I wondered if I would have a boy or a girl and if they 'd be tiny or big like Rosie 's sons . I really had no preference . As long as my baby was healthy and happym I would be fine . Jasper made small talk with me throughout dinner . I saw Alice talking to Edward so I guessed that they made up . He would sneak a glance at me every now and then . After we all ate , Esme and Alice announced another family tradition . Edward was going to play the piano while we all sang Christmas carols . Alice had song books and there was going to be hot chocolate and Christmas cookies . I declined when I heard Edward 's name . Both Ali and Esme tried to get me to reconsider , but I refused . Edward gave his patented dejected look before going into the piano room . Jasper stayed out to talk to me . Bella , I know you 're mad at Edward . I was mad too but the guy seems to be really trying . Maybe you should lay off of him a little . He looks terrible . " Jasper shook his head . " I think the both of you have hurt each other . Maybe it 's time to forget the past and call a truce . I 'm going to apologize to Edward , and I think you should , too . " I sighed . " Do what you want Jasper . I 'm not going to forgive Edward . He deserves to suffer . Go carol with Alice . I 'm sure she 's missing you . " He hugged me . " Think about what I said , Bella . This isn 't you . The hate will only consume you and make you do rash things . I 'm not saying you should forgive Edward overnight , but at least give him a chance . " My brother left me sitting in the parlor . I chewed over what he said . Maybe he was right but the only thing I had left to hold onto was my anger . If I let that go , reality would set in and I would see how hopeless and alone I really was . My greatest fear in life had always been of being completely alone . I wouldn 't have to worry about that now , because of the baby , but I still felt lonely . I heard footsteps so I looked up . Edward was in the doorway . He was holding a saucer filled with cookies and a mug with hot chocolate . I almost smiled before I remembered who he was . He really did look good in his suit . I decided to play a little game with him . I made sure that there were no blankets in the room , there weren 't any that I could see . I walked over until I was standing a foot away from him . His eyes took in my legs before moving up to my chest . Eventually , he got to my eyes . By that time , he was panting loudly . I flipped my hair over my shoulder and licked my lips . Edward growled . " Why don 't you put the food down and come sit by me on the couch for a minute . I 'm ready to talk now . " I was practically cooing . " Thank you , babydoll . I knew you would come around eventually . Have I told you how drop dead sexy you look ? " he asked , giving me an eager look . I almost gagged on his blatant lies . He 'd cheated on me . He didn 't want me . He was just trying to trick me into taking him back so that he could break my heart again . Maybe he got off on it . Slyly , he reached down to caress my upper thigh . My body was going crazy with the sensations he evoked . I had to shake my head to clear the haze . He tried to kiss my mouth , but I gave him my neck instead . He sucked and licked until I was sure he 'd left a mark . His hands were creeping up to my underwear . I stopped him . I started grinding my hips onto Edward 's erection . I was surprised he could even form one after the kicking I 'd given him , but the male appendage must have been resilient . Part of me wanted to suck him dry and the other part wanted to cut it off . I pulled his hair and kept bucking onto him . He pulled my dress down until my breasts showed . Then , he looked me in the eye as he took a nipple in his mouth . I let out a low groan . My flimsy panties were soaked through . If I didn 't end this soon , Edward Cullen was going to end up fucking me in his mother 's parlor . His hands were starting to creep to my panties again . I looked at him . His eyes were closed and his breathing was erratic . I hopped down off of his lap and got to my knees . " Let me take care of this for you , " I said , pointing to his penis . He looked like I 'd just promised to give him a billion dollars . Quickly , I stripped off his pants and boxers . He got rid of his jacket and shirt . I looked up at him before dipping my head . His manhood was throbbing and leaking precum . I touched the tip and he thrust . " Bella , you 're killing me . I want to taste your pussy and come inside of you this time . I can 't do that if you blow me . Please . " I went around the room gathering his clothes . I threw them all into the burning fireplace . When I was done I told him he could look now . He was so aroused that he didn 't even notice his clothes were missing . He nodded his head eagerly . " God , you don 't know how much I want to be inside your sweet pussy . I 've been dreaming about it for months . " His eyes were heavy lidded . His cock was jumping . He was sweating , Plus , he was leaking pre - cum . O . T . E . D . was a complete success . " Edward , I 'm so sorry but bestiality is against the law . I would hate for you to go to prison for fucking a ' gross , fat , beached whale ' . Goodnight , Quasimodo . " AnonymousDecember 19 , 2010 at 2 : 47 AMI 'm liking the story but I 'm getting pissed at Bella . I think she is taking everything a little overboard . ReplyDeleteAnonymousDecember 26 , 2010 at 9 : 00 AMhi I really like the story but i want to kill bella right now . . . how could she be so stupidReplyDeletesydnybowenDecember 31 , 2010 at 3 : 21 PMBella took it a little too far there . . . ReplyDeleteAnonymousJanuary 3 , 2011 at 5 : 43 PMEdward got what 's coming . Bella reminds myself of me right now : ) ReplyDeleteJennJanuary 12 , 2011 at 5 : 56 PMI know Edward has been extremely cruel with his comments and behavior throughout their relationship but Bella 's behavior was in this chapter was very unattractive . I teared up when she smashed his " babydoll " with the hammer . I 'm just afraid OTED has been a bit too much for Edward . He now knows he can 't turn to whores or even move on to another woman ( which I doubt he would do anyway after how his relationship with Bella ended up being so disastrous ) since he can 't get it up for anyone but Bella . Seeing that he was ready to use his gun on himself after he took her virginity I 'm afraid he might end up OD ' ing on some drug . My heart is breaking for Edward after reading this chapter . ReplyDeletekenzersmomFebruary 4 , 2011 at 2 : 15 AMok bells enough is enough . . . . i am also afraid for ed i can see him trying to kill himself too . . james won 't have to do it . you are taking her way to far right now i am up for alittle revenge but this is out of handReplyDeleteAnonymousFebruary 18 , 2011 at 10 : 57 PMBella has really started to annoy me these past chapters , she blames Edward for everything but they both share the blame . Edward tried to apologize over the months that she moved away , he tried to become a better man for her and she 's just now acting like an ice bitch . I mean sure he really has lame ass excuses for the way he treated her , but still he 's tried so hard to make it up to her , he deserves a break . : | ReplyDeleteAnonymousFebruary 21 , 2011 at 1 : 49 PMomg bella is getting my last nerve i think shes gonna push edwaNewer Post |
In 1998 , my family witnessed a UFO while we were coming home from my mother 's house on Christmas Eve . A couple of days later , there was an article in the local paper about two girls who were driving on the very same freeway on Christmas Eve at right around the same time we did , so they might have even been right in front of us . When I read the article further , they apparently had a " missing time " experience , as the drive from where they were , to their planned destination should have only taken 20 minutes , but they had no accountability for the two hours it took them to get there . At the end of the article , there was a phone number to contact the local chapter of MUFON , if anyone had anything to report , so I did . I told the woman who answered the phone what my family saw , and she asked me if I had ever seen anything before , and I stated that I had . She then asked if she could come to my home and interview me , and although I had never spoken to anyone about my experiences before , I obliged . She asked me if it was okay for her to bring a medical doctor with her to examine me , which made me a little nervous , but I said it was okay . That doctor was Dr . Roger Leir . He asked if I had any strange marks on my body , or if I felt any strange " objects " under the surface of my skin , and I said that I did . There had always been this hard little piece of " something " right past the hairline on the left side of my forehead , what felt to me like a bone chip . It was really small , and I could kind of move it around a little when I touched it . It was in the shape of a triangle , and sometimes it was sore to the touch . I pointed it out to Dr . Leir . He asked me if I would like to have it removed , and I declined as I was deathly afraid of needles . I said I wasn 't really that freaked out about it , as it had always been there as far back as I could remember . He made a note of it , and that was the end of that . What does all this mean ? Synchronicity . Is it precognitive ? I have often wondered if my psychic ability is the direct result of my contact from otherworldly beings . The more I research this phenomenon , the more I believe that it could be true . Could the telepathic exchanges occur because they tap into areas of the brain that world normally remain dormant ? The following experiences stand out the most in my memory , and they lead me to believe that I am correct . When I was 19 years old , I was living at home with my parents , and was working at a local computer firm . I had a very vivid dream one night where I felt as if I was a silent observer , as if watching a movie . The scene before me took place on a golf course at night . The moon was bright , and its light shone on the dewy manicured greens . I heard a car 's engine in the distance , approaching me . It 's headlights shone on the grass , and I turned to my right to see a small car driving on the golf course . The car was small , about the size of a Volkswagon Beetle . The engine revved , and the car went squirrely . I heard laughter , as if the occupants were obviously on a joy ride . The golf course was full of little hills and mounds , and the driver decided to drive up one particular hill , and stop at the crest . The engine revved , and the car screamed down the hill . The grass was very wet , which provided no traction . The car slid sideways , and when the driver tried to brake , it caused the car to do a 180 , and they slammed into a tree . I witnessed this whole thing . The passenger side of the car had been T - boned by a tree . I saw the driver get out of the car , and he was screaming . The passenger , his girlfriend , had died on impact . I woke up , and gasped for air as if I had been holding my breath underwater . I felt like my dream was a horrible scene from a movie . I gathered myself together , and got ready for work . While eating breakfast , I read the local paper , as usual . What I saw before me , was beyond my comprehension . A young local teenage couple went joy riding in a local golf course , and had hit a tree , fatally injuring his girlfriend . I shut the newspaper , and told my mother about my dream . She said that it was purely a coincidence , but I knew for a fact that I was there , at the scene , when it happened . We never spoke about it again . My second experience with the psychic dream phenomenon happened in 1993 , when my oldest daughter was one year old . I was going through a divorce from her father , who was Mormon . I had converted to the religion so we could be married , and I subsequently became very involved in the church teaching music and Sunday School . I had always been surrounded by members of the Mormon church as far back as I can remember . My mother worked for a irrigation company , and I used to babysit the owner 's children quite frequently . They were such amazing children , and very well behaved . My very first boyfriend in eighth grade , Benjie , was also a Mormon . At the time of my divorce , I was working as a hairdresser at a local hair salon , and raising my daughter as a single parent . One night I had an extremely vivid dream that Benjie came to visit me , and he was wearing denim coveralls and a white T - shirt . I hadn 't seen him since he moved to Idaho in his freshman year of high school , so when he appeared in my dream I was so happy to see him again . I opened my arms to him , and said , " Benjie , it is so good to see you again " ! I ran over to him and gave him the biggest hug . It was real as anything , as if it was really him there and I was really hugging him . And then I woke up . The next morning I got ready for work , thinking about Benjie . I went to work and I started to tell my first client about the dream that I had and how real it was . As I was rolling her permanent , I looked out the window and saw one of my friends who attended the Mormon church with me , and he gave me a smile and mouthed to me , " Be right back " . He was a musician , and he was returning some equipment to the music store next to the salon . Ten minutes later , he walked into the salon to say hello . After chatting for about five minutes he said , " Hey , do you remember this guy ' ? He walked to the door and opened it , and in walked Benjie ! ! ! He was wearing blue denim coveralls , and a white T - shirt ! ! ! I looked at my client and said that was Benjie from my dream , and I tried to control myself as this was beyond belief . I excused myself from my client , put my arms out and said , " Benjie , it is so good to see you again " . The next precognitive dream happened in 1994 . I dreamed I was in England , in the 1600 's . I was in a huge ballroom , dressed in a ball gown , my hair upswept a la Marie Antoinette . The music was of the period - harpsichord , violin and cello filled the room . A man approached me , and when I looked at him I realized that this gentleman was one of my clients at the salon . He bowed , and asked my permission to dance with him . I obliged . We waltzed around the room when all of a sudden my grandmother appeared , but she was not dressed in period clothing , but in current attire . She came in between us and said to my dance partner , " You cannot dance with her - you 're a married man " ! He apologized to her , and then to me . He bowed to me , and left the ballroom . I woke up thinking that was so crazy , like I was really there , in a different time period . I got up , and got ready for work . While on the highway driving to work , I looked in my rearview mirror to merge into the right lane to exit . But when I did this I recognized the person in the car behind me . It was Terry - my client from my dream ! How could that be ? Out of all of the people that were driving on the highway at that time , how could he be right behind me ? I exited the freeway , and turned right . So did he . I made a left at the next stoplight . So did he . I made a right into the parking lot where I worked . He followed suit . At this point , I am in a PANIC ! I exited my car and ran into the salon . I ran to the receptionist 's station , where our daily appointment schedules are kept . Apparently , after I had left work the day before my first client at 9 am had cancelled her appointment , and Terry had called in and filled her spot . I had no way of knowing this as I had checked my books prior to my leaving , and Terry was not my first appointment . I was in a room with 4 other people . I had no recollection of how I got there , but my heightened sense of fear led me to believe that I was involved in a very bad situation . There was a doorway that led to an adjoining room , and the door was ajar . Inside the room , there was a woman sitting at a desk , wearing a blue jumpsuit , writing on a notepad . The others around me seemed completely passive , but lucid . The woman put down her pen , got up and walked towards us . I started to panic , and I felt that whatever was going to happen next was not going to be pleasant . She walked over to a a very large gentleman in our group , and picked him up off the ground with no effort at all ! I was dumbfounded , as there was no way a woman of her size would be able to lift 250 pounds . This was not a human entity before us , and it again confirmed that something very bad was going to happen to us all . The fact that he didn 't even struggle made me feel that there was some sort of mind control going on , or that that his passivity was drug induced . Either way , it was not good . She took him into her office , and shut the door . That 's when the screaming began . Only one of the others besides myself seemed to be alarmed by this , as he was the only one who noticed my reaction to the man 's cries of distress . I then realized that the screams were coming from the direction of a window in the room we were in . We went over to the window to see if we could see what was causing all of the commotion , What we saw , was horrifying . The man was lying on the floor , his body twitching and convulsing uncontrollably . The gentleman next to me looked at me , and spoke to me telepathically . He said let 's help each other , work as a team to overtake her , as we were obviously stronger than him , as our minds have not been able to be controlled . I nodded in agreement . At that moment , the door swung open , and the woman entered the room . She looked right at me . Oh God no , not ME ! My co - conspirator jumped in between us , but she was able to grab my arm with one hand , and fling him across the room like a rag doll with the other . He then got up , and tried to run over to me , but when I looked at him , it was like his legs were made of lead , and he struggled to take just one step . The woman then tried to get into my mind to control me , and a battle of consciousness ensued . I tried to avoid eye contact , but she was mentally stronger than me , and she forced me to look at her . At that point , I felt myself slipping away , succumbing to her will . My daughter and I were sitting at the bar at a restaurant having dinner , when all of a sudden she looks at me and says , " Mommy look at that man standing outside " . I looked to my right , in the direction of the front door which was beside the outdoor patio . A man , dressed all in black , was standing there , staring at us . Although he wore dark sunglasses , I could still feel his piercing glare . His head was shaved , and his presence was that of a bodyguard , or doorman at a club . I looked away , completely creeped out by his cold , negative presence . His energy sent chills down my spine , and the unsettling feeling I got from him was that his intentions we not good . I turned back to my daughter , and asked her to look again , to see if he war still honed in on us . She did , and he was . Without wanting to seem obvious , I carefully looked in his direction . I tried to connect with his gaze , and I looked right at him . He didn 't even flinch . I turned away , and looked right at my daughter . I said I was really mad that this guy was invading our space . I thought that maybe it would be a good time to stand up , and confront this negative energy , or entity , who was interrupting our dinner . I turned to look at him , and he had changed his stance by standing " at ease " , but instead of his arms being behind his back , they crossed his chest . That made me feel anything but " at ease " , and I quickly abandoned any thought I previously had to confront him . I remembered my previous thought that he might be a doorman , so I scribbled a note on a cocktail napkin to the bar manager , and asked if he was an employee of the restaurant . Unfortunately , he was not . Crap . Strike one . I asked my daughter to look again , and she said OH MY GOD he is standing right next to you ! She then said , " It 's like he 's one of those men in black " . Now mind you , I have never seen the movie , and she had , so that was her only reference to explain this presence that was standing next to me . I know who they are , and with her statement , I realized that she might very well be right . And based on my life experiences up to this point , I wasn 't the least bit surprised that he was making his presence known . But instead of feeling intimidated by his presence , I was angry . He was disrupting my evening , and I was pissed . My anger was overriding my fear , and I decided to confront him , and tell him that I knew who he was , and to leave us alone . I faced my daughter , and said that 's it , I 've had it . I got up and turned around , but he was gone . In the blink of an eye . For the past couple of weeks , things have been presented to me very quickly , and in very peculiar ways . I came in contact with someone who is a fellow experiencer , after listening to his incredible journey in an online radio interview . His experiences were very compelling , and he seemed very credible as his intuitions of coming world events were spot on , and he attributed his heightened psychic ability to his two near death experiences . To say the conversations that ensued were very enlightening would be mild in comparison to how informative they really were , and I suddenly became that kind of information junkie who never stops asking more questions . But , there were always more answers than I could wrap my head around . I compare it to being in the Sahara desert , completely parched , and someone pulls up in a Sparkletts truck , with more water than you could consume . During one of our conversations , about three hours into it he tells me that he is getting a message . He stops . Then he says that he has goosebumps , and that " they " are giving him a message for me . I asked him who " they " were , and he says the ones who contact him . The Pleiadians . I sat there , completely stunned , nervously awaiting the message . He tells me that I am going to be " international . " and that I am going to go to different sites all over the world . He then proceeds to tell me that I am going to be working on a certain project , which is exactly THE project that I am working on . I am stunned . There is NO WAY he could have known about this , as I never told him about it . He then tells me directly , NOT the other project that I was thinking about prior to the second one . Again , I am completely blown away . He proceeds to tell me that I need to open myself to them , for they have many messages for me . He instructed me to asked them , directly . I went into the backyard , sat under the wind chimes , and did as I was told . What happened next , was amazing . Suddenly , my thoughts were not my own . I felt as if a crowd of people were telling me things all at once , in unison . I told them to STOP ( I actually think I said it out loud ) , and to speak one at a time . They stopped , and they spoke to me in unison , but said the same thing , together . The message that they gave me was posted in my previous blog , so if you scroll down , you can read it there . Since that day , incredible things have begun to happen to me . Synchronicity upon synchronicity , heightened psychic awareness , and precognitive dreams . I am no stranger to these psychic dreams as during certain periods of my life I 've experienced this , and they seemed to correlate to extremely active periods of visitations , and / or abductions . In the first dream , I felt as though I was whisked to another place , not here , but to another part of the world . I " happened " upon the scene of a tour bus accident . I was running to the bus , and as I did so I noticed that there were five other people running alongside me . We all looked at each other as if we " knew " one another , but we shifted our focus back to the reason why we were there . The bus was laying on its side . I don 't exactly remember how I entered it , but I get the feeling that I just " appeared " inside of it . The bus was full of women and children , and I was immediately drawn to one woman in particular and her infant daughter . She looked at me with complete desperation , and for some reason I knew that she didn 't speak English . She pleaded with me , telepathically , to please help her baby . I looked down and saw that her daughter was wedged beneath the seat which had collapsed , and I proceeded to pry the seat off her , trying my best to keep from injuring her any further by doing so . The child was wailing , and she had a gash on her chin and a bruise on her cheek . I was able to free her , and when she was loose I helped the mother free as well . I looked around to see where the other five people who entered the bus with me were , and I saw that they were all attending to the injured as well . I scanned the interior of the bus to make sure that no one was gravely injured , or had succumbed to their injuries , and after assessing that everyone else didn 't have any life threatening injuries I was suddenly whisked back home where I awoke in my bed . I have no idea what happened . Was I sent there via astral projection ? Did time overlap , or did I remote view this ? And who were the others that came there with me ? The next night , I dreamed about a friend of mine , I 'll call " Eddie " . Eddie is a " regular " patron at the bar where my boyfriend worked for nine years . To put it bluntly , " Eddie " is a drug dealer , but I do not judge him , as he is what he is , and he genuinely is a nice person , and I have no reason not to like him . I might not like what he does for a living , but that is not my journey . In the dream , " Eddie " storms into my house , and I ask him what the heck is going on ? He says that the cops are after him , and that he is " holding " , and asks if he can hide his stash in my house , which I refuse . He pleads with me that he has a warrant for his arrest , and he cannot be caught with drugs , as it will violate his probation . I refuse again , and he runs to the window , and peeks through the curtains . The police car is out in the street , so he takes his stash , and throws it out the side window . I woke up that morning , feeling as if that dream was again VERY real . I think about it , and put it aside , and go about my day . That night , I went to visit some friends for happy hour at the same bar that is " Eddie " 's hangout . I walked in the back door , and I look across the room , and " Eddie " is putting money in the jukebox . I walked over to him , and told him that i dreamed about him last night . He asked me what happened , and I told him that I thought he needed to be very careful . I said that I was having these psychic dreams lately , and in the dream he was running from the cops . His jaw dropped . He said that last night , he and his best friend had gotten into a fist fight , and that he looked across the street and saw a police car , so he ran to his neighbor 's house to hide . And as he was hiding , he peeked through the window , and saw that they were parked in front of his house ! ! ! " I am here . I always have been . The subtle messages that you have received during this earth mission were intended for you , but you were not open enough to truly understand their meaning . Every moment of deja ' vu , or synchronicity , were comprehended as mere coincidence . What you need to understand is that they were intentional , but you were too " young " to see them as such . The tools have always been there , and although they were always available , you have never chosen to use them , until now . Like the other day , when you opened the drawer looking for something , but you could not see it . You looked again , and it was right in front of you . The time that you asked us to show ourselves to you , during a time of complete distress , we did so . Yes , that was us , and we re here . You saw us because you were open . Now is the time of your true awakening . The messages that you have received in the past will now come forth in the present . Because you have awakened , they will make perfect sense . The feelings regarding certain people being in your life for a reason , is correct . We have connected you with one another , but pay close attention to the ones with whom you experience great synchronicity . Reevaluate what role they play on this earth mission , and the answers will be given to you . My first recollection of my first alien encounter was just that . An alien encounter . When I was very young , the only thing I could think that was happening to me was that I was being visited by vampires or ghosts while I was sleeping , or that I was having extremely vivid dreams . No one ever talked about the possibilities of an alien existence outside our world , or that they would be here amongst us without our knowledge . As I got older , I began to see pictures on book covers that struck a familiar chord with me . It was a drawing of a " typical " gray alien , and from that moment on , the pieces of the puzzle started to come together . Well , I thought they did then , but know I feel as though the puzzle has fallen on the floor , and all the pieces are laying in a pile . All of the research I had done was now defunct , and it was back to the drawing board for me . I thought I had all the answers , via the powers of the internet , and through various witness 's testimonies . I was an experiencer , a contactee , and I had been abducted . This was comforting in an odd sort of way , as although I wished not to belong to this group who had been taken against our will and been experimented on , at least I " belonged " somewhere . This past year has been the most enlightening one for me by far , and the most confusing , all because someone came forward and said that they were a MILAB . For those of you who aren 't familiar with the term , a MILAB is someone who is abducted by our own military . Most MILAB 's abduction experiences began when they were very young . They were abducted by the military for various reasons , such as , but not limited to , medical experiments , hybridization , and military black operations . Most MILABS had family members who worked for military or government agencies , or they did themselves . Most MILABS had their IQ 's tested when they were very young . Those children who were considered extremely intelligent were put into special classes for the extremely gifted . They were also sent so " special " summer camps , where they honed their ________________________________________________ After watching an incredibly inspiring video last night entitled " A Guided Meditation Through Your Interiors " , I was inspired to write about something that was shared with me during one , if not many , of my visitations with the beings who presented themselves to me . I think at this point , I should elaborate just exactly what I mean by " beings " . When I was younger , the beings that appeared to me were the grays , the workers . They were like small children , maybe not any taller than I was at 4 years old ( although I was tall for my age ) . My memories of them are quite vague , due to the fact that it was so long ago , or it might have been deliberate as I believe a lot of those experiences included abductions that were quite terrifying . Bits and pieces of the puzzle have been returning to me here and there like snapshots . Some of the pictures I wish did not exist , but they are part of who I am today , so in a way , I embrace them as part of my past like everything else . I do believe that samples of my blood were taken from me , as one of the snapshots includes another much taller being standing over me with a very long needle , but I don 't remember what happened after that . These beings continued to make themselves known to me through my adolescence , and during that time there was still a great deal of fear involved , as I " knew " what they had done , and were doing to me . When I say " knew " , it 's as though I had a knowing , or a heightened awareness about everything around me , including when they were coming for me . I was around 9 years old when I noticed this heightened sensitivity , and Ii can recall waking up right before they came for me , and it gave me just enough time to try and hide from them , which was obviously futile . But I certainly remember hiding from them in the bathtub , behind my bedroom door , or in the closet . Eventually , I would just look out the bedroom window , close the blinds , and just sit on my bed and wait for them to come to me . I 'm surprised now that I didn 't just go out to them . These beings that appeared tPosted by I am reposting this , because for some odd reason it completely disappeared from my archives . After hearing story after story of female abductions that involved egg removal for alien hybridation , random thoughts ( or memories ? ) have flooded my brain . In 1989 , during the most incredible visitation i had experienced thus far , " they " told me that these memories would return , when it was " time " . The memories of my childhood visitations and abductions are quite sparse , as of my brain is only " allowed " to grab single snapshots here and there . I believe that this is because those memories were either " deleted " , or purposely suppressed , as they were most likely quite horrific . I think that most abductees are not randomly selected , and that they already have a plan for that one particular human " specimen " from beginning to end . Therefore , by suppressing these memories it allows the abductee to avoid the post traumatic stress of reliving the experience , and the possibility of suffering a nervous breakdown , which would disrupt their plan they had for that particular individual . Awhile ago , i began having a lot of dreams of being pregnant , and of holding a little baby girl in my arms . They were so real , and they were the same type of dreams that i had during both of my pregnancies , which resulted the births of two beautiful girls . The one thing that sticks out in my mind the most , was a beautiful woman handing her to me , and telling me that her name was " Grace " . I was allowed to hold her , but then she took her away . I was not the least bit saddened by this , as i knew there was a bigger plan far beyond my comprehension at that time , and that i would see her again . I have always known from early on that there was something more than " this " . My childhood fascination with vampires , ghosts , and witchcraft were the catalysts in my desire for knowledge of the paranormal , or in other words , what was it that was out there , other than the ordinary facade that was created for us to believe was " reality " . I could never put a finger on what it was that compelled me , but i was driven to find an answer . Every weekend i would watch every Dracula movie , " Twilight Zone " , " Outer Limits " , " Star Trek " - you name it . If it was related to the paranormal , i was all over it . These TV shows and movies confirmed the fact that there were other people like me who were drivne to explore the possibilities of other - worldy , and inter - dimensional realities above and beyond our comprehension . What compelled H G Wells the write both " The Time Machine " in 1895 , and " The War of the Worlds " in 1898 ? To say that he was way ahead of his time is an understatement . I wonder where his vision stemmed from ? Was he an expereincer , contactee , or abductee ? What about Jules Verne 's " 20 , 000 Leagues Under the Sea " , which was written in 1869 ? Was he privy to information about the possibility of other life in the deepest fathoms of our earth ? The movie trailer for the time machine is quite prophetic , and although it was adapted in 1953 , the visual impact is quite compelling as there things are coming to fruition as we speak . Time travel and teleportation have been proven possible , as the laws of physics , science and nature are being rewritten almost daily . It 's interesting that ' The War of the Worlds " was not made into a motion picture until 1953 , six years after the Roswell " incident " Maybe Roswell was the one event that made them scratch their heads and think that maybe Mr . Wells was probably not off his rocker , and they finally had the " golden ticket " to make a movie on the UFO phenomenon , 45 years after the book was first written . I read all these books , including the Holy Bible , which i read when i was nine . Although thePosted by I was four years old , and in preschool . It was the beginning of June , and we were all in the classroom getting ready for naptime . I always dreaded this part of the day because i hated taking naps , and i would always just lay there completely bored our of my skull . As soon as it was over , it was recess , my favorite part of the day . We all went outside , and i didn 't feel like playing with anyone , so i went off by myself . I thought it might be fun to do something different for a change , so i went exploring outside of the playground , as there was an opening in the chain link fence that i could fit through , and i wandered out into the field behind it . I noticed that a little ways out there was what appeared to be an abandoned barn , or shed of some sort , so i decided to go inside and check it out . When i went inside , the sunlight creeped in through the wooden slats , and rays of light streamed in which gave an eerie diffused atmosphere . I noticed an old saddle in the corner , and some hooks with a couple of bridles on them , and i knew then that it was indeed a barn . I heard something move around in the rafters to see what it was . It was a beautiful owl , and it was staring down at me . I had never seen an owl before , and i was awestruck . At that moment i started to hear a buzzing sound , like a swarm of bees , or maybe even June bugs , after all , it was June , so that made sense to me . But then the barn 's interior became extremely bright , as if it were lit up bu a flood light . It was so bright that i had to cover my eyes , and it became so loud that i had to cover my ears ! I couldn 't decide what to do - cover my eyes or plug my ears , so i knelt down ob the barn floor and squeezed my eyes shut and plugged my ears in absolute fear . What was happening ? ? ? I wanted to run out but i knew if i opened my eyes it would be too bright to see where the doorway was , so i decided to remain on the floor until it stopped . I got into the fetal postion , and layed there for what seemed like only a few minutes . When i could tell that the noise had Posted by I was being carried to my bedroom in the middle of the night . I was four . I could see the hallway ceiling above me , and whomever was carrying me there were very little , like me . There were four of them - two at my shoulders , the other two at my ankles . They tucked me into bed , pulled the covers up to my neck , and i fell asleep . In the morning , i woke up and asked my mother for a band aid . She asked me why and i said i needed it for my belly button because " they " told me that i couldn 't touch it , or it would get infected . She said that was so silly , as i must have had a strange dream . I begged her to please give it to me , so she finally went to the bathroom and got one and put it on for me . I looked down to make sure that it covered it completely . Satisfied , i went to the kitchen for breakfast , and nothing was ever spoken about this incident ever again . Are we all connected ? Since we are all made up of the same matter , does that mean that we are all related to each other ? Are we all connected to each other in the same way as all of the stars in the universe ? Maybe a human being 's existence on earth is akin to the stars in the universe . Are we all protons and neutrons that swirl around atom Earth , with its core as the nucleus ? Do the stars exist as we do , in the atom called the Universe , with it 's center as its nucleus ? Are earth portals made up of the same dark matter that black holes are made of ? And when matter enters these black holes , where does it go ? When a star dies , is it the same as when a human being dies , as stars are referred to as celestial beings ? If so , where does the star 's celestial soul , or energy go ? After hearing story after story of female abductions that involved egg removal for alien hybridation , random thoughts ( or memories ? ) have flooded my brain . In 1989 , during the most incredible visitation i had experienced thus far , " they " told me that these memories would return , when it was " time " . The memories of my childhood visitations and abductions are quite sparse , as of my brain is only " allowed " to grab single snapshots here and there . I believe that this is because those memories were either " deleted " , or purposely suppressed , as they were most likely quite horrific . I think that most abductees are not randomly selected , and that they already have a plan for that one particular human " specimen " from beginning to end . Therefore , by suppressing these memories it allows the abductee to avoid the post traumatic stress of reliving the experience , and the possibility of suffering a nervous breakdown , which would disrupt their plan they had for that particular individual . Awhile ago , i began having a lot of dreams of being pregnant , and of holding a little baby girl in my arms . They were so real , and they were the same type of dreams that i had during both of my pregnancies , which resulted the births of two beautiful girls . The one thing that sticks out in my mind the most , was a beautiful woman handing her to me , and telling me that her name was " Grace " . I was allowed to hold her , but then she took her away . I was not the least bit saddened by this , as i knew there was a bigger plan far beyond my comprehension at that time , and that i would see her again . All the audio interviews are now archived in one spot . There are multiple options for downloading to your hard drive or to your MP3 player . Click on the image above as a direct link . |
In 1998 , my family witnessed a UFO while we were coming home from my mother 's house on Christmas Eve . A couple of days later , there was an article in the local paper about two girls who were driving on the very same freeway on Christmas Eve at right around the same time we did , so they might have even been right in front of us . When I read the article further , they apparently had a " missing time " experience , as the drive from where they were , to their planned destination should have only taken 20 minutes , but they had no accountability for the two hours it took them to get there . At the end of the article , there was a phone number to contact the local chapter of MUFON , if anyone had anything to report , so I did . I told the woman who answered the phone what my family saw , and she asked me if I had ever seen anything before , and I stated that I had . She then asked if she could come to my home and interview me , and although I had never spoken to anyone about my experiences before , I obliged . She asked me if it was okay for her to bring a medical doctor with her to examine me , which made me a little nervous , but I said it was okay . That doctor was Dr . Roger Leir . He asked if I had any strange marks on my body , or if I felt any strange " objects " under the surface of my skin , and I said that I did . There had always been this hard little piece of " something " right past the hairline on the left side of my forehead , what felt to me like a bone chip . It was really small , and I could kind of move it around a little when I touched it . It was in the shape of a triangle , and sometimes it was sore to the touch . I pointed it out to Dr . Leir . He asked me if I would like to have it removed , and I declined as I was deathly afraid of needles . I said I wasn 't really that freaked out about it , as it had always been there as far back as I could remember . He made a note of it , and that was the end of that . What does all this mean ? Synchronicity . Is it precognitive ? I have often wondered if my psychic ability is the direct result of my contact from otherworldly beings . The more I research this phenomenon , the more I believe that it could be true . Could the telepathic exchanges occur because they tap into areas of the brain that world normally remain dormant ? The following experiences stand out the most in my memory , and they lead me to believe that I am correct . When I was 19 years old , I was living at home with my parents , and was working at a local computer firm . I had a very vivid dream one night where I felt as if I was a silent observer , as if watching a movie . The scene before me took place on a golf course at night . The moon was bright , and its light shone on the dewy manicured greens . I heard a car 's engine in the distance , approaching me . It 's headlights shone on the grass , and I turned to my right to see a small car driving on the golf course . The car was small , about the size of a Volkswagon Beetle . The engine revved , and the car went squirrely . I heard laughter , as if the occupants were obviously on a joy ride . The golf course was full of little hills and mounds , and the driver decided to drive up one particular hill , and stop at the crest . The engine revved , and the car screamed down the hill . The grass was very wet , which provided no traction . The car slid sideways , and when the driver tried to brake , it caused the car to do a 180 , and they slammed into a tree . I witnessed this whole thing . The passenger side of the car had been T - boned by a tree . I saw the driver get out of the car , and he was screaming . The passenger , his girlfriend , had died on impact . I woke up , and gasped for air as if I had been holding my breath underwater . I felt like my dream was a horrible scene from a movie . I gathered myself together , and got ready for work . While eating breakfast , I read the local paper , as usual . What I saw before me , was beyond my comprehension . A young local teenage couple went joy riding in a local golf course , and had hit a tree , fatally injuring his girlfriend . I shut the newspaper , and told my mother about my dream . She said that it was purely a coincidence , but I knew for a fact that I was there , at the scene , when it happened . We never spoke about it again . My second experience with the psychic dream phenomenon happened in 1993 , when my oldest daughter was one year old . I was going through a divorce from her father , who was Mormon . I had converted to the religion so we could be married , and I subsequently became very involved in the church teaching music and Sunday School . I had always been surrounded by members of the Mormon church as far back as I can remember . My mother worked for a irrigation company , and I used to babysit the owner 's children quite frequently . They were such amazing children , and very well behaved . My very first boyfriend in eighth grade , Benjie , was also a Mormon . At the time of my divorce , I was working as a hairdresser at a local hair salon , and raising my daughter as a single parent . One night I had an extremely vivid dream that Benjie came to visit me , and he was wearing denim coveralls and a white T - shirt . I hadn 't seen him since he moved to Idaho in his freshman year of high school , so when he appeared in my dream I was so happy to see him again . I opened my arms to him , and said , " Benjie , it is so good to see you again " ! I ran over to him and gave him the biggest hug . It was real as anything , as if it was really him there and I was really hugging him . And then I woke up . The next morning I got ready for work , thinking about Benjie . I went to work and I started to tell my first client about the dream that I had and how real it was . As I was rolling her permanent , I looked out the window and saw one of my friends who attended the Mormon church with me , and he gave me a smile and mouthed to me , " Be right back " . He was a musician , and he was returning some equipment to the music store next to the salon . Ten minutes later , he walked into the salon to say hello . After chatting for about five minutes he said , " Hey , do you remember this guy ' ? He walked to the door and opened it , and in walked Benjie ! ! ! He was wearing blue denim coveralls , and a white T - shirt ! ! ! I looked at my client and said that was Benjie from my dream , and I tried to control myself as this was beyond belief . I excused myself from my client , put my arms out and said , " Benjie , it is so good to see you again " . The next precognitive dream happened in 1994 . I dreamed I was in England , in the 1600 's . I was in a huge ballroom , dressed in a ball gown , my hair upswept a la Marie Antoinette . The music was of the period - harpsichord , violin and cello filled the room . A man approached me , and when I looked at him I realized that this gentleman was one of my clients at the salon . He bowed , and asked my permission to dance with him . I obliged . We waltzed around the room when all of a sudden my grandmother appeared , but she was not dressed in period clothing , but in current attire . She came in between us and said to my dance partner , " You cannot dance with her - you 're a married man " ! He apologized to her , and then to me . He bowed to me , and left the ballroom . I woke up thinking that was so crazy , like I was really there , in a different time period . I got up , and got ready for work . While on the highway driving to work , I looked in my rearview mirror to merge into the right lane to exit . But when I did this I recognized the person in the car behind me . It was Terry - my client from my dream ! How could that be ? Out of all of the people that were driving on the highway at that time , how could he be right behind me ? I exited the freeway , and turned right . So did he . I made a left at the next stoplight . So did he . I made a right into the parking lot where I worked . He followed suit . At this point , I am in a PANIC ! I exited my car and ran into the salon . I ran to the receptionist 's station , where our daily appointment schedules are kept . Apparently , after I had left work the day before my first client at 9 am had cancelled her appointment , and Terry had called in and filled her spot . I had no way of knowing this as I had checked my books prior to my leaving , and Terry was not my first appointment . I was in a room with 4 other people . I had no recollection of how I got there , but my heightened sense of fear led me to believe that I was involved in a very bad situation . There was a doorway that led to an adjoining room , and the door was ajar . Inside the room , there was a woman sitting at a desk , wearing a blue jumpsuit , writing on a notepad . The others around me seemed completely passive , but lucid . The woman put down her pen , got up and walked towards us . I started to panic , and I felt that whatever was going to happen next was not going to be pleasant . She walked over to a a very large gentleman in our group , and picked him up off the ground with no effort at all ! I was dumbfounded , as there was no way a woman of her size would be able to lift 250 pounds . This was not a human entity before us , and it again confirmed that something very bad was going to happen to us all . The fact that he didn 't even struggle made me feel that there was some sort of mind control going on , or that that his passivity was drug induced . Either way , it was not good . She took him into her office , and shut the door . That 's when the screaming began . Only one of the others besides myself seemed to be alarmed by this , as he was the only one who noticed my reaction to the man 's cries of distress . I then realized that the screams were coming from the direction of a window in the room we were in . We went over to the window to see if we could see what was causing all of the commotion , What we saw , was horrifying . The man was lying on the floor , his body twitching and convulsing uncontrollably . The gentleman next to me looked at me , and spoke to me telepathically . He said let 's help each other , work as a team to overtake her , as we were obviously stronger than him , as our minds have not been able to be controlled . I nodded in agreement . At that moment , the door swung open , and the woman entered the room . She looked right at me . Oh God no , not ME ! My co - conspirator jumped in between us , but she was able to grab my arm with one hand , and fling him across the room like a rag doll with the other . He then got up , and tried to run over to me , but when I looked at him , it was like his legs were made of lead , and he struggled to take just one step . The woman then tried to get into my mind to control me , and a battle of consciousness ensued . I tried to avoid eye contact , but she was mentally stronger than me , and she forced me to look at her . At that point , I felt myself slipping away , succumbing to her will . My daughter and I were sitting at the bar at a restaurant having dinner , when all of a sudden she looks at me and says , " Mommy look at that man standing outside " . I looked to my right , in the direction of the front door which was beside the outdoor patio . A man , dressed all in black , was standing there , staring at us . Although he wore dark sunglasses , I could still feel his piercing glare . His head was shaved , and his presence was that of a bodyguard , or doorman at a club . I looked away , completely creeped out by his cold , negative presence . His energy sent chills down my spine , and the unsettling feeling I got from him was that his intentions we not good . I turned back to my daughter , and asked her to look again , to see if he war still honed in on us . She did , and he was . Without wanting to seem obvious , I carefully looked in his direction . I tried to connect with his gaze , and I looked right at him . He didn 't even flinch . I turned away , and looked right at my daughter . I said I was really mad that this guy was invading our space . I thought that maybe it would be a good time to stand up , and confront this negative energy , or entity , who was interrupting our dinner . I turned to look at him , and he had changed his stance by standing " at ease " , but instead of his arms being behind his back , they crossed his chest . That made me feel anything but " at ease " , and I quickly abandoned any thought I previously had to confront him . I remembered my previous thought that he might be a doorman , so I scribbled a note on a cocktail napkin to the bar manager , and asked if he was an employee of the restaurant . Unfortunately , he was not . Crap . Strike one . I asked my daughter to look again , and she said OH MY GOD he is standing right next to you ! She then said , " It 's like he 's one of those men in black " . Now mind you , I have never seen the movie , and she had , so that was her only reference to explain this presence that was standing next to me . I know who they are , and with her statement , I realized that she might very well be right . And based on my life experiences up to this point , I wasn 't the least bit surprised that he was making his presence known . But instead of feeling intimidated by his presence , I was angry . He was disrupting my evening , and I was pissed . My anger was overriding my fear , and I decided to confront him , and tell him that I knew who he was , and to leave us alone . I faced my daughter , and said that 's it , I 've had it . I got up and turned around , but he was gone . In the blink of an eye . For the past couple of weeks , things have been presented to me very quickly , and in very peculiar ways . I came in contact with someone who is a fellow experiencer , after listening to his incredible journey in an online radio interview . His experiences were very compelling , and he seemed very credible as his intuitions of coming world events were spot on , and he attributed his heightened psychic ability to his two near death experiences . To say the conversations that ensued were very enlightening would be mild in comparison to how informative they really were , and I suddenly became that kind of information junkie who never stops asking more questions . But , there were always more answers than I could wrap my head around . I compare it to being in the Sahara desert , completely parched , and someone pulls up in a Sparkletts truck , with more water than you could consume . During one of our conversations , about three hours into it he tells me that he is getting a message . He stops . Then he says that he has goosebumps , and that " they " are giving him a message for me . I asked him who " they " were , and he says the ones who contact him . The Pleiadians . I sat there , completely stunned , nervously awaiting the message . He tells me that I am going to be " international . " and that I am going to go to different sites all over the world . He then proceeds to tell me that I am going to be working on a certain project , which is exactly THE project that I am working on . I am stunned . There is NO WAY he could have known about this , as I never told him about it . He then tells me directly , NOT the other project that I was thinking about prior to the second one . Again , I am completely blown away . He proceeds to tell me that I need to open myself to them , for they have many messages for me . He instructed me to asked them , directly . I went into the backyard , sat under the wind chimes , and did as I was told . What happened next , was amazing . Suddenly , my thoughts were not my own . I felt as if a crowd of people were telling me things all at once , in unison . I told them to STOP ( I actually think I said it out loud ) , and to speak one at a time . They stopped , and they spoke to me in unison , but said the same thing , together . The message that they gave me was posted in my previous blog , so if you scroll down , you can read it there . Since that day , incredible things have begun to happen to me . Synchronicity upon synchronicity , heightened psychic awareness , and precognitive dreams . I am no stranger to these psychic dreams as during certain periods of my life I 've experienced this , and they seemed to correlate to extremely active periods of visitations , and / or abductions . In the first dream , I felt as though I was whisked to another place , not here , but to another part of the world . I " happened " upon the scene of a tour bus accident . I was running to the bus , and as I did so I noticed that there were five other people running alongside me . We all looked at each other as if we " knew " one another , but we shifted our focus back to the reason why we were there . The bus was laying on its side . I don 't exactly remember how I entered it , but I get the feeling that I just " appeared " inside of it . The bus was full of women and children , and I was immediately drawn to one woman in particular and her infant daughter . She looked at me with complete desperation , and for some reason I knew that she didn 't speak English . She pleaded with me , telepathically , to please help her baby . I looked down and saw that her daughter was wedged beneath the seat which had collapsed , and I proceeded to pry the seat off her , trying my best to keep from injuring her any further by doing so . The child was wailing , and she had a gash on her chin and a bruise on her cheek . I was able to free her , and when she was loose I helped the mother free as well . I looked around to see where the other five people who entered the bus with me were , and I saw that they were all attending to the injured as well . I scanned the interior of the bus to make sure that no one was gravely injured , or had succumbed to their injuries , and after assessing that everyone else didn 't have any life threatening injuries I was suddenly whisked back home where I awoke in my bed . I have no idea what happened . Was I sent there via astral projection ? Did time overlap , or did I remote view this ? And who were the others that came there with me ? The next night , I dreamed about a friend of mine , I 'll call " Eddie " . Eddie is a " regular " patron at the bar where my boyfriend worked for nine years . To put it bluntly , " Eddie " is a drug dealer , but I do not judge him , as he is what he is , and he genuinely is a nice person , and I have no reason not to like him . I might not like what he does for a living , but that is not my journey . In the dream , " Eddie " storms into my house , and I ask him what the heck is going on ? He says that the cops are after him , and that he is " holding " , and asks if he can hide his stash in my house , which I refuse . He pleads with me that he has a warrant for his arrest , and he cannot be caught with drugs , as it will violate his probation . I refuse again , and he runs to the window , and peeks through the curtains . The police car is out in the street , so he takes his stash , and throws it out the side window . I woke up that morning , feeling as if that dream was again VERY real . I think about it , and put it aside , and go about my day . That night , I went to visit some friends for happy hour at the same bar that is " Eddie " 's hangout . I walked in the back door , and I look across the room , and " Eddie " is putting money in the jukebox . I walked over to him , and told him that i dreamed about him last night . He asked me what happened , and I told him that I thought he needed to be very careful . I said that I was having these psychic dreams lately , and in the dream he was running from the cops . His jaw dropped . He said that last night , he and his best friend had gotten into a fist fight , and that he looked across the street and saw a police car , so he ran to his neighbor 's house to hide . And as he was hiding , he peeked through the window , and saw that they were parked in front of his house ! ! ! " I am here . I always have been . The subtle messages that you have received during this earth mission were intended for you , but you were not open enough to truly understand their meaning . Every moment of deja ' vu , or synchronicity , were comprehended as mere coincidence . What you need to understand is that they were intentional , but you were too " young " to see them as such . The tools have always been there , and although they were always available , you have never chosen to use them , until now . Like the other day , when you opened the drawer looking for something , but you could not see it . You looked again , and it was right in front of you . The time that you asked us to show ourselves to you , during a time of complete distress , we did so . Yes , that was us , and we re here . You saw us because you were open . Now is the time of your true awakening . The messages that you have received in the past will now come forth in the present . Because you have awakened , they will make perfect sense . The feelings regarding certain people being in your life for a reason , is correct . We have connected you with one another , but pay close attention to the ones with whom you experience great synchronicity . Reevaluate what role they play on this earth mission , and the answers will be given to you . My first recollection of my first alien encounter was just that . An alien encounter . When I was very young , the only thing I could think that was happening to me was that I was being visited by vampires or ghosts while I was sleeping , or that I was having extremely vivid dreams . No one ever talked about the possibilities of an alien existence outside our world , or that they would be here amongst us without our knowledge . As I got older , I began to see pictures on book covers that struck a familiar chord with me . It was a drawing of a " typical " gray alien , and from that moment on , the pieces of the puzzle started to come together . Well , I thought they did then , but know I feel as though the puzzle has fallen on the floor , and all the pieces are laying in a pile . All of the research I had done was now defunct , and it was back to the drawing board for me . I thought I had all the answers , via the powers of the internet , and through various witness 's testimonies . I was an experiencer , a contactee , and I had been abducted . This was comforting in an odd sort of way , as although I wished not to belong to this group who had been taken against our will and been experimented on , at least I " belonged " somewhere . This past year has been the most enlightening one for me by far , and the most confusing , all because someone came forward and said that they were a MILAB . For those of you who aren 't familiar with the term , a MILAB is someone who is abducted by our own military . Most MILAB 's abduction experiences began when they were very young . They were abducted by the military for various reasons , such as , but not limited to , medical experiments , hybridization , and military black operations . Most MILABS had family members who worked for military or government agencies , or they did themselves . Most MILABS had their IQ 's tested when they were very young . Those children who were considered extremely intelligent were put into special classes for the extremely gifted . They were also sent so " special " summer camps , where they honed their ________________________________________________ After watching an incredibly inspiring video last night entitled " A Guided Meditation Through Your Interiors " , I was inspired to write about something that was shared with me during one , if not many , of my visitations with the beings who presented themselves to me . I think at this point , I should elaborate just exactly what I mean by " beings " . When I was younger , the beings that appeared to me were the grays , the workers . They were like small children , maybe not any taller than I was at 4 years old ( although I was tall for my age ) . My memories of them are quite vague , due to the fact that it was so long ago , or it might have been deliberate as I believe a lot of those experiences included abductions that were quite terrifying . Bits and pieces of the puzzle have been returning to me here and there like snapshots . Some of the pictures I wish did not exist , but they are part of who I am today , so in a way , I embrace them as part of my past like everything else . I do believe that samples of my blood were taken from me , as one of the snapshots includes another much taller being standing over me with a very long needle , but I don 't remember what happened after that . These beings continued to make themselves known to me through my adolescence , and during that time there was still a great deal of fear involved , as I " knew " what they had done , and were doing to me . When I say " knew " , it 's as though I had a knowing , or a heightened awareness about everything around me , including when they were coming for me . I was around 9 years old when I noticed this heightened sensitivity , and Ii can recall waking up right before they came for me , and it gave me just enough time to try and hide from them , which was obviously futile . But I certainly remember hiding from them in the bathtub , behind my bedroom door , or in the closet . Eventually , I would just look out the bedroom window , close the blinds , and just sit on my bed and wait for them to come to me . I 'm surprised now that I didn 't just go out to them . These beings that appeared tPosted by I am reposting this , because for some odd reason it completely disappeared from my archives . After hearing story after story of female abductions that involved egg removal for alien hybridation , random thoughts ( or memories ? ) have flooded my brain . In 1989 , during the most incredible visitation i had experienced thus far , " they " told me that these memories would return , when it was " time " . The memories of my childhood visitations and abductions are quite sparse , as of my brain is only " allowed " to grab single snapshots here and there . I believe that this is because those memories were either " deleted " , or purposely suppressed , as they were most likely quite horrific . I think that most abductees are not randomly selected , and that they already have a plan for that one particular human " specimen " from beginning to end . Therefore , by suppressing these memories it allows the abductee to avoid the post traumatic stress of reliving the experience , and the possibility of suffering a nervous breakdown , which would disrupt their plan they had for that particular individual . Awhile ago , i began having a lot of dreams of being pregnant , and of holding a little baby girl in my arms . They were so real , and they were the same type of dreams that i had during both of my pregnancies , which resulted the births of two beautiful girls . The one thing that sticks out in my mind the most , was a beautiful woman handing her to me , and telling me that her name was " Grace " . I was allowed to hold her , but then she took her away . I was not the least bit saddened by this , as i knew there was a bigger plan far beyond my comprehension at that time , and that i would see her again . I have always known from early on that there was something more than " this " . My childhood fascination with vampires , ghosts , and witchcraft were the catalysts in my desire for knowledge of the paranormal , or in other words , what was it that was out there , other than the ordinary facade that was created for us to believe was " reality " . I could never put a finger on what it was that compelled me , but i was driven to find an answer . Every weekend i would watch every Dracula movie , " Twilight Zone " , " Outer Limits " , " Star Trek " - you name it . If it was related to the paranormal , i was all over it . These TV shows and movies confirmed the fact that there were other people like me who were drivne to explore the possibilities of other - worldy , and inter - dimensional realities above and beyond our comprehension . What compelled H G Wells the write both " The Time Machine " in 1895 , and " The War of the Worlds " in 1898 ? To say that he was way ahead of his time is an understatement . I wonder where his vision stemmed from ? Was he an expereincer , contactee , or abductee ? What about Jules Verne 's " 20 , 000 Leagues Under the Sea " , which was written in 1869 ? Was he privy to information about the possibility of other life in the deepest fathoms of our earth ? The movie trailer for the time machine is quite prophetic , and although it was adapted in 1953 , the visual impact is quite compelling as there things are coming to fruition as we speak . Time travel and teleportation have been proven possible , as the laws of physics , science and nature are being rewritten almost daily . It 's interesting that ' The War of the Worlds " was not made into a motion picture until 1953 , six years after the Roswell " incident " Maybe Roswell was the one event that made them scratch their heads and think that maybe Mr . Wells was probably not off his rocker , and they finally had the " golden ticket " to make a movie on the UFO phenomenon , 45 years after the book was first written . I read all these books , including the Holy Bible , which i read when i was nine . Although thePosted by I was four years old , and in preschool . It was the beginning of June , and we were all in the classroom getting ready for naptime . I always dreaded this part of the day because i hated taking naps , and i would always just lay there completely bored our of my skull . As soon as it was over , it was recess , my favorite part of the day . We all went outside , and i didn 't feel like playing with anyone , so i went off by myself . I thought it might be fun to do something different for a change , so i went exploring outside of the playground , as there was an opening in the chain link fence that i could fit through , and i wandered out into the field behind it . I noticed that a little ways out there was what appeared to be an abandoned barn , or shed of some sort , so i decided to go inside and check it out . When i went inside , the sunlight creeped in through the wooden slats , and rays of light streamed in which gave an eerie diffused atmosphere . I noticed an old saddle in the corner , and some hooks with a couple of bridles on them , and i knew then that it was indeed a barn . I heard something move around in the rafters to see what it was . It was a beautiful owl , and it was staring down at me . I had never seen an owl before , and i was awestruck . At that moment i started to hear a buzzing sound , like a swarm of bees , or maybe even June bugs , after all , it was June , so that made sense to me . But then the barn 's interior became extremely bright , as if it were lit up bu a flood light . It was so bright that i had to cover my eyes , and it became so loud that i had to cover my ears ! I couldn 't decide what to do - cover my eyes or plug my ears , so i knelt down ob the barn floor and squeezed my eyes shut and plugged my ears in absolute fear . What was happening ? ? ? I wanted to run out but i knew if i opened my eyes it would be too bright to see where the doorway was , so i decided to remain on the floor until it stopped . I got into the fetal postion , and layed there for what seemed like only a few minutes . When i could tell that the noise had Posted by I was being carried to my bedroom in the middle of the night . I was four . I could see the hallway ceiling above me , and whomever was carrying me there were very little , like me . There were four of them - two at my shoulders , the other two at my ankles . They tucked me into bed , pulled the covers up to my neck , and i fell asleep . In the morning , i woke up and asked my mother for a band aid . She asked me why and i said i needed it for my belly button because " they " told me that i couldn 't touch it , or it would get infected . She said that was so silly , as i must have had a strange dream . I begged her to please give it to me , so she finally went to the bathroom and got one and put it on for me . I looked down to make sure that it covered it completely . Satisfied , i went to the kitchen for breakfast , and nothing was ever spoken about this incident ever again . Are we all connected ? Since we are all made up of the same matter , does that mean that we are all related to each other ? Are we all connected to each other in the same way as all of the stars in the universe ? Maybe a human being 's existence on earth is akin to the stars in the universe . Are we all protons and neutrons that swirl around atom Earth , with its core as the nucleus ? Do the stars exist as we do , in the atom called the Universe , with it 's center as its nucleus ? Are earth portals made up of the same dark matter that black holes are made of ? And when matter enters these black holes , where does it go ? When a star dies , is it the same as when a human being dies , as stars are referred to as celestial beings ? If so , where does the star 's celestial soul , or energy go ? After hearing story after story of female abductions that involved egg removal for alien hybridation , random thoughts ( or memories ? ) have flooded my brain . In 1989 , during the most incredible visitation i had experienced thus far , " they " told me that these memories would return , when it was " time " . The memories of my childhood visitations and abductions are quite sparse , as of my brain is only " allowed " to grab single snapshots here and there . I believe that this is because those memories were either " deleted " , or purposely suppressed , as they were most likely quite horrific . I think that most abductees are not randomly selected , and that they already have a plan for that one particular human " specimen " from beginning to end . Therefore , by suppressing these memories it allows the abductee to avoid the post traumatic stress of reliving the experience , and the possibility of suffering a nervous breakdown , which would disrupt their plan they had for that particular individual . Awhile ago , i began having a lot of dreams of being pregnant , and of holding a little baby girl in my arms . They were so real , and they were the same type of dreams that i had during both of my pregnancies , which resulted the births of two beautiful girls . The one thing that sticks out in my mind the most , was a beautiful woman handing her to me , and telling me that her name was " Grace " . I was allowed to hold her , but then she took her away . I was not the least bit saddened by this , as i knew there was a bigger plan far beyond my comprehension at that time , and that i would see her again . All the audio interviews are now archived in one spot . There are multiple options for downloading to your hard drive or to your MP3 player . Click on the image above as a direct link . |
My day was hectic from the time I woke up and start fixing Molly 's breakfast . After I took her to school , I went by the office and had a chat with the secretary , giving the poor old lady my cell and house numbers and explaining to her at least five times that Molly was staying with me for a while before she realized what I was talking about . She handed me a form and I filled it out , giving my name and all the other emergency information and finally handing it back to the lady . Thanking her , I left the school and headed to my own to work a little in the library before my first class . Even my class was hectic . It was an elective class , of course , and filled with mostly freshmen and sophomores who loved to bug me . We were talking about the project that we were going to start soon and by listening to the dumb questions everyone asked you 'd have thought those kids had never done a project before . I was lucky to have a sophomore as my partner who was intelligent . If I 'd have been stuck with an ignorant freshman , I might not have made it through the project . " May I speak to Brian Graham ? " the man on the other line said . He had a very professional voice and I didn 't know if it was a someone wanting money from me or not . I almost said no . . I saw the tears welling up in my Molly 's eyes . " Oh Mollycakes , " I murmured , extending my arms . " Come here , babygirl . " She did as told and fell into my hug , sitting on my lap with her head lying on my shoulder and allowing me to rock her back and forth . She cried softly and silently , not speaking a word , just letting those tears stream down her face . I rubbed her back and stroked her hair , wanting to ease the pain she was feeling and knowing this would be the best way to do so . The poor girl . . . my heart ached for her . Her blue eyes were glossy and her face red and she was sniffling . Shawn Mullins was still playing in the background . . . " Everything 's gonna be all right , rockabye , " he sang , and I think the words made her cry even more . We sat like that for at least thirty minutes until I finally spoke . " Molly , " I began , clearing my throat because I , too , had been crying . " I - - " I found it hard to say what I was about to say . I wasn 't sure what she would think of me . Maybe think I was a weirdo rapist or pedophile or something . But I knew that she needed someone , needed something more than she had . She needed someone to be there for her when she was hurting , needed someone to hold her when she cried , needed someone she could trust . She didn 't need a pathetic mother who drank her own problems away only to add to her daughter 's . " I think that . . . it would be best . . . if you stayed here for a while , " I said , then added quickly so she couldn 't object , " at least for a week or so , even if your mom is back . She needs to get some help for her problem and it 's not good for you to be over there . " The statement made her cry even more . At that point , I was lost at what to do . " I . . . " she began , " don 't know what to say . " I nodded . " Why don 't you take a shower and then we 'll head off to the rink , okay ? I 'll take you by your house tonight and see if your mom 's around , and if she isn 't , you can get some stuff you want , even Bonkers , and we 'll head back here . If she is home . . . well , I need to talk to her . " Molly thought about it for a minute . " Okay , " she finally said , and I think she was relieved that I offered her a place in my home . " I 'll stay . . . but can ya take it easy on the rules ? " She sighed , knowing that my answer was no , I couldn 't take it easy on any rules . She gave me a big hug and wiped her eyes . " Thanks , Brian , " she muttered , and hopped off my lap , ambling towards my room . A few minutes later I heard the shower running . I sighed deeply and ran my fingers through my hair . I had no idea what I 'd gotten myself into . . . How would I be able to raise a twelve year old girl on my own ? I could barely take care of myself . Of course , I knew that wasn 't true . I was totally capable of raising a twelve year old , seeing as I 'd practically raised my younger sister for a few years . Besides , I didn 't work that often , and I would be in school at the same time as Molly , so that wasn 't a problem either . And I 'd taken plenty of psychology classes in college , because at one point in time that was my declared major . So I knew a lot about different stuff and could probably help her out sometimes . But I was still unsure . I guess you 're always unsure of stuff that 's new to you . Molly finished her shower and I took mine and we headed towards the skating rink with Flogging Molly blaring loudly , much to my objection . Of course , I didn 't object much because Molly has the cutest puppy face and it made her happy to listen to it . . . and , well , I 'm a pushover sometimes and the loud music doesn 't bother me so much , so I let her do it . I was glad when we got there because she seemed in much better spirits than when we left the house . I was also glad because she got some of her sadness out which is something I assumed that she didn 't do very often . We pulled into her driveway and there was still no one in site . I thought she was going to start bawling again and I wondered what I could do to keep her from it . But she was okay as she got out of the car and shuffled towards her house , unlocking the door and shoving it open , only to be greeted by Bonkers with a loud " Meow ? " " BONKERS ! " she squealed , falling to her knees and scooping him into her arms . " I missed you , kitten ! " She hugged him tightly and I just stood there with a grin on my face , watching her smush the poor fellow . " Mamakins hasn 't come home yet ? It 's oties . . . Brian said we could stay with him . Isn 't that awesome ? He said we could have a huuuuuge party ! " She giggled in spite of herself and I rolled my eyes . " Anyway , Ima get some stuff from my room then I 'll be back , okay ? " I shook my head at her , smiling . She skipped to her bedroom and I patted Bonkers on the head . " Crazy girl , " I told him , then realized that I was talking to a cat . That didn 't stop me , though . " She 's a great kid , though , ya know ? " Then I realized that if somebody saw me talking to a damn cat I 'd be locked up in an institution . So I stopped talking to him . Bonkers purred and nestled himself in my lap , shutting his green eyes from being so comfortable . Cats had it so easy . . . they could be as lazy as they wanted and had no worries . I wondered how many times Molly had wished she was a cat . Within minutes my precious kiddo came skipping back into the living room with her backpack and two bags thrown over her shoulders . I didn 't know whether to think she was a light packer or not . . . I wasn 't sure how long she was going to stay with me . " I 'm ready ! " she giggled . Molly nodded and plopped her stuff down on the porch , then took a sheet of paper and scribbled something down , leaving it on the table . " Oties . . . NOW I 'm ready , " she said , taking Bonkers and letting me carry her bags . We ordered a pizza for dinner and watched a movie that she 'd picked out . . . Finding Nemo . It wasn 't on the top of my list of movies I wanted to see , but it was cute anyway , so I dealt with it . It was really cute because she rested her head on my shoulder with Bonkers in her lap and watched the movie as intently as a three year old . It was late by the time the movie was over . She grinned . " Otay ! " she said , then turned the channel to Cartoon Network . She couldn 't have been a normal preteen that liked to watch MTV or something . . . she had to watch cartoons . Oh well , it wasn 't so bad . I guess I was as enthralled in cartoons as Molly had been in Finding Nemo . . . I didn 't even notice that her body was limp and she had fallen asleep . I guess between such an exhausting day and lying down on my lap with me stroking her hair was too much for her tiny body to handle , and she drifted off into a sleep . I slowly moved out from under her , then cradled her in my arms and carried her to my bedroom . She groaned a little , but otherwise didn 't stir , and I tucked her into bed giving her a final kiss on the forehead before leaving the room . I was startled to hear her mutter , " thanks , Brian . " I smiled though . Sunday was a lazy day , like always . The two of us lounged around my apartment in our pajamas and watched tv all day , eating junk food . It was great . I enjoyed having a little sister around the house . It brought out the kid in me . I rolled my eyes . " Of course I 'm sure ! It 's too far for you to walk and the city bus is too much money . Besides , it 's on my way to school . " I didn 't mention that my first class wasn 't until ten o ' clock . I didn 't push it . I had no proof that she was lying , so I couldn 't say anything . " Okay , well , do I need to let your teachers know that you 're staying we me a while ? We could tell them that your mom went on vacation and I 'm an old family friend . . " " Well . . I 'll at least call them tomorrow , in case something happens at school . . . if you get sick or something and need to come home . And you have my cell number right ? If you need me ? " I shook my head at her , grinning . " You 're something else , Molly , " I said , ruffling her hair . " Well if you don 't have any homework , then you can do mine , because I have to start writing this paper or I 'll never graduate . " I worked on my paper while she watched tv for about an hour . " Hey , kiddo , about time to go to sleep , don ' tcha think ? " I asked . I sat at the table working on my paper for about an hour before I decided that I could hear the couch calling my name . Kinda scary when you think about it . As I sunk into the comfy sofa all I could think of was that I hoped Bonkers wouldn 't need to use the litter box before morning . . . The loud beeping alarm clock echoed through my tiny apartment at an hour that I only saw a few times a year . But I knew I 'd have to be up early enough to wake Molly , seeing as I didn 't know how long it would take her to get ready for school , and I 'd have to make some breakfast . I figured in time she would eat poptarts for breakfast and I could sleep an extra two hours while she got ready , but for now this seemed appropriate . " Mollycakes , " I said , giving a soft knock on my bedroom door and peeking inside . " It 's some god - awful time in the morning . . . I don 't know how long it takes you to get ready and stuff , " I murmured . I raised my eyebrows . Very doubtful . " Come on , Mollycakes , " I said , moving inside and giving her a slight shake . " It 's time to get up . If you 're anything like my sister it 'll take you at least an hour to get ready . " " Yep , it sure does . " I sat down on the bed next to her . " You gotta take a shower and eat breakfast and do all that girly stuff . . " I sighed . I had no clue as how to make pancakes from scratch . " Are waffles okay ? " I asked , remembering that I had some in the freezer . " I 'll make do , " she answered and sat up , her hair all messed up . She stretched out again and rolled out of the bed . " Geeze , it 's after six ! I hafta hurry ! " she squealed , grabbing some clothes from her bag and running to the bathroom . Seeing that it was " after six " , I assumed that it took her quite a while to get ready , else she wouldn 't have spazed out about it so much . I threw on some clothes and fixed a pot of coffee , then drank it while watching the morning news . I figured Molly wouldn 't want to eat until about 7 : 15 or so , and I had at least thirty minutes before I needed to start cooking . It 's been way too long since I 've lived with a little sister . I had no idea how hectic things were in the morning . Molly ran through the house , from the bathroom to my bedroom then back to the bedroom , whining about losing something . When I noticed that it was nearing seven o ' clock and Molly was getting closer to being finished , I decided to get my lazy self up and cook something . I fried some bacon to have with the waffles and set the table for the two of us . I nearly dropped the butter I was carrying when I saw her . There was Molly , looking more adorable than ever , and also very revealing . She was going for the schoolgirl look , but more like a Britney Spears schoolgirl . . She was wearing knee - high boots and a plaid skirt . . . and if I said that the skirt was short , well , it 'd be an understatement . The shirt she was wearing wasn 't as bad as it was longsleeved and tucked in . And finally , her hair was in braided pigtails again and she was wearing no makeup , so I could see the adorable freckles scattered across her cheeks . Then I realized she was only twelve and going to school like this ! " Molly ! " I said in a scolding tone . " You can 't wear that to school ! " What have I done ? I thought to myself . Now Molly was going to hate me and I was pushing her away , simply because I wouldn 't let her wear a skirt to school . She came back into the room wearing a baggy pair of khakies and the same white shirt , tucked in with a belt . School uniform , I imagined . I 'd never seen her wear khakies any other time . She plopped herself back down in the seat and began eating , almost instantly getting over her anger with me . I 'd known that she 'd eventually get over it . I caught Molly before she collapsed to the floor in tears . I 'd never seen her act like so before . She was muttering things , something I couldn 't quite make out but I guessed as , " Oh my God she 's gone , she 's gone , she 's gone . " I held her tightly , petting her hair , trying to shush her crying . I was doing everything possible to calm her down . She didn 't talk though , just stayed in my strong arms , face buried into my T - shirt . No longer did I yearn for my soft bed . . . I just wanted her to be the same happy person she was at the skating rink . " Bonkers , where 'd she go ? " I heard her mutter to a fat black and white cat that lay lazily in the chair next to us . She nodded . " My dad . He liked that word . " She wiped some of the tears away with her arm and pet the cat with her hand . " My dad . . " she muttered , almost setting off into tears again . I put an arm around her shoulder . " Hey . . . it 's okay , babygirl . Listen , you can stay with me until your mom gets back . " We stopped by the kitchen on the way to her room and she let go of my hand , moving towards the island that sat in the middle of the kitchen . She fell to her knees and opened the cabinet , sniffling a little and moving some stuff around . I walked over to see what was up just in time to see her grab a bottle of vodka . I found myself staring at about four shots of vodka and a twelve year old red - headed girl with such pain in her eyes . " YES I would be mad ! " I snapped , taking the bottle . " You 're too young to drink , Molly . " I could tell it was her room before she even opened the door . . . There was a green four - leaf clover chalkboard on the door that said " Everything 's gonna be all right " which was a quote from one of Molly 's favorite songs . . . Lullaby by Shawn Mullins . I knew this because if she wasn 't begging us to play Irish music , she was begging for Shawn Mullins . She opened the door and I was amazed at how well her room fit her . I mean , sometimes you see people 's rooms and they 're really messy when they look like a neat freak . Or they have tons of stuffed animals when they look like a big tough guy . But Molly 's room . . . oh man , it was everything I 'd expected it to be . Clothes were thrown around everywhere , no surprise there . She had lots of books , some of them novels for class , others about Irish heritage , and some normal teenager books . Green was everywhere . I was actually surprised her sheets weren 't green . But her blanket was . It was made of green four - leaf clovers . There were posters on the wall , and cd booklets from Flogging Molly ( one of her favorite Irish bands ) and Shawn Mullins . And finally , there was a picture on the mirror , about as high as Molly 's face would be when standing in front of it ; It was Molly and a man , with red hair and a beard , his arm around her , both of them grinning wildly . I could tell it was her father . I could tell because they had matching smiles . She shrugged . " Not a lot . But I learned it from my mom . She drinks all the time . I figure if she drinks her problems away , maybe mine will go away , too . " I felt my heart breaking inside once again , shattering into tiny little pieces . How could she think something like that ? She was only twelve ! " But , Molly . . " I began . I sighed , shaking my head . " You 're too young to start drinking . You won 't have a liver by the time you hit thirty . . " " I don 't care , " she muttered under her breath , not intending for me to hear . I dropped it , though . . She was hurting and now wasn 't the time to lecture about not having a liver . But the time would come , I decided . " Ready ? " she asked . She led me out of her room , closing her door tightly , then petting Bonkers and telling him that she was going away for a while but would be back . " And I love you bunches and bunches and bunches , Bonkers . Don 't forget that , otay ? I 'll always be here for you , no matter what . . . except today . But I 'll be back tonight , okay ? When Mamakins comes back . " She kissed him on the top of the head , giving him a final pat and then walked away , tears in her eyes . " I 'm so glad it 's autumn , " she said . " I love it . I love how blue the sky looks , and I like the clouds . It 's a really emo sky because the clouds are all spread out and stuff . Ya know ? " " In weather like this I like to listen to gothic music , like Opeth or something . They always remind me of cold gloomy weather , and trees peering over dark roads . My dad and I used to go to the fair every October . We used to ride all of the scary rides and eat sooo much cotton candy that it made us sick . You like cotton candy ? " " The fair used to be a lot of fun . He used to try to get me on the scary rides , but I wouldn 't do it . Mom didn 't like to ride anything . She used to just watch us and take pictures . She always wanted to go and see the exhibits . Those always bored me . But they made me go anyway . I liked seeing the animals , though . Once we were headed to the exhibits and I saw a giraffee and it was sooo cute I had to feed it some carrots , and I guess I forgot to tell them what I was doing and we got lost from each other and I sat by the giraffee forever until they came running to me and Mom was crying and Dad gave me a big hug and said that I 'd worried them to death . I guess I was only six or seven . That was back when Mom cared about me , when she didn 't have to drink to sleep at night . " " I haven 't . I think it 's nasty . Everytime I try to drink , I chicken out . I guess I 'm scared to get drunk because I see what happens when Mom gets drunk . " I nodded . " It 's not all it 's cracked up to be , let me tell ya . The first time I got drunk , I got so sick . I spent the night with my head in the toilet . " " Awww , why ? When I get out of school I want to have a party at the skating rink . It 's my favorite place ever . I like it because I can be stupid and happy all the time . I can do that at school , too , but sometimes I get in trouble . Sometimes I get too hyper when I 'm away from home . " " I play volleyball at school . And softball , too . Sometimes I take the bus to the batting cages . Sometimes I go outside and run around the block until I 'm so tired I can 't run anymore . I like running , though . It helps me get to sleep at night . " " I know . But I can 't run as much anymore since I started smoking . . . " I felt her mouth drop and she covered it with her hand , because she knew she shouldn 't have said that . She didn 't answer , just looked out the window . I didn 't like the uneasy silence , and was glad she finally broke it . " Look , it helps . It calms me down sometimes . " " Bullshit , " I muttered , hoping she didn 't hear me , though I was sure she 'd heard worse profanities than that , even said them . " If you need to calm down , go for a run , go to the batting cages . Don 't smoke . That 's as bad as your mom drinking her worries away . " I sighed , regretting having blown up on her like that . " I know , Mollycakes , " I muttered , putting my arm around her . " I 'm sorry for snapping at you like that . . . I just worry about you . My Mom died with lung cancer . . . she smoked two packs a day . I don 't want you to end up like that . " I got out of the car then opened her door for her . She took my hand like a small child and allowed me to lead her to my tiny apartment . " Things aren 't clean , and I 'm sorry about that . . " " I 'm glad , " she said , looking up at me with her shining blue eyes . Her hair was falling down from the pigtail braids . She was so adorable . " Thanks , " I said , motioning for her to follow . I opened the door to the bedroom . " You can sleep on my bed , okay ? It 's clean and comfy and you 're the guest , I won 't allow you to sleep on the couch . " She opened her mouth to argue , but instead eyed the bed and finally gave in . " Okay , but you have to take me home when I wake up . Deal ? " I handed her the backpack and she just sat it down next to the bed , kicking her shoes off and climbing on my bed . I pushed the cover back for her and tucked her in , planting a kiss on her forehead . " Sleep well , Mollycakes , " I whispered and she grinned , rolling over and almost instantly falling asleep . I , on the other hand , did not instantly fall asleep when I made it back into the living room . It wasn 't because the couch wasn 't comfortable , because believe me , it was , and even more so due to the fact that I hadn 't slept all night . I was thinking . . . worried . About Molly . I wasn 't sure what exactly was going on . I mean , I knew Molly pretty well , but I guess I 'd never known her as well as I thought I did . Obviously she was hiding some kind of hurt from me . . . from everyone . And was hiding it so well because none of us ever noticed it . She always seemed so happy that it was completely and totally heartbreaking to see those precious tears stream down her face . I just wanted to make it where Molly was happy all the time . . . where she didn 't have to think about smoking or drinking or anything to keep her happy . Where she didn 't have to put up with her mother 's drunkenness . I wondered if there was such a place . I fell asleep contemplating whether or not to invite Molly to stay with me for a little while , a week or two . Maybe allow her mom enough time to get on rehab or something , anything , just so the poor kiddo wouldn 't have to deal with so much stress . But I never found an answer , because sleep found me first . When I woke , the sun was nearly set and I had actually kind of forgotten what 'd happened . I think what actually jogged my memory was the low murmur of Shawn Mullins playing in my kitchen . Shawn Mullins always reminded me of Molly , thus the first thing I thought about when I woke was Molly , then remembered that she was at my house and obviously awake . That 's when I noticed the aroma of frying bacon . Weird that I would hear the music before smelling the bacon . I got up and stumbled towards the kitchen . There was Molly , green pajama pants and a tank top , hair in a ponytail , swaying to Shawn Mullins , singing with her eyes closed , frying bacon . It took her a couple of minutes to realize that I was behind her , but when she did , she nearly jumped three feet in the air . She shook her head , getting some eggs out of the fridge . " Nope , sure wasn 't . I heard , ' Oh ! Marissa ! Harder ! ' " she said then burst into laughter . " You 're right , I was just kidding . Actually , she called and left a message on your machine . . . It woke me up a little while ago , she was just calling to see about when you were going to work on that project or whatever . " We ate in silence for a little while , though I did feel a little guilty about her cooking breakfast or dinner or whatever the hell it was for me . I felt kind of bad because she was up while I was sleeping . But I didn 't let it hang over me because she seemed happy . " Nothing . I have to go to work around eight to check on things and close , and then I guess I 'll come back and try to get my sleeping pattern right . What do you want to do ? " She shrugged . " I want to go to the rink and stuff . . . check on Bonkers . . . " she paused , looking into my eyes . " Do you think my mom came back ? " She shook her head . " I have this feeling , Brian . . " she began , pausing a moment to take a bite of bacon so she wouldn 't cry . " I have the feeling that she isn 't coming back . " The only thing I didn 't like about October was the fact that I had to spend all night at the skating rink watching kids for twelve hours as they celebrated the fact that they got to bug someone other than their parents . It was something that we 'd done for years , as long as I had been working their at least . We had five all - nights a year , one for New Years , Spring Break , the end of school , end of summer , and finally , one in October , which I never really was sure what the purpose was . I was standing near the entrance , observing , seeing one of the girls that I knew all too well . In fact , if you 've been in the skating rink longer than five minutes you knew her pretty well . Her name was Molly Riana Collins and she was the cutest twelve year old you 've ever seen . She wore baggy jeans and small green T - shirts , had red hair in braided pig tails , freckles , and baby blue eyes that would tear up in a second with a pitiful look so she could get her way . She was popular amongst the preteens , and after meeting her you could tell why . She talked all the time , told wild stories that weren 't always true , but interesting to hear anyway . She was cute , yes , but there was more to her than that . She was different - - she smiled nearly all the time and prided herself on her Irish heritage . She wasn 't ashamed of her red hair or freckles like most girls were . You know , the preteen stage when you just want to fit in . Molly didn 't fit in at all . . and everyone still loved her . One should never tell Molly that . . She pulled a cd case out of her jeans pocket . I was amazed that her pockets were so big , Brad was amazed that she actually owned an Irish cd . " I can fix that , Bradley , " she said , tears gone and grinning wildly . Before Brad got the chance to say anything I noticed that she was carrying a 2 - liter bottle of coke around , and it was strictly against skating - rink rules to have drinks out of the concession area . " Hey , hey . . . Mollycakes . . . you gotta put that coke up . " " No no no , I can 't let you have it out here . That 'd be unfair . Just put it in the concession area and go drink some later . I 'm sure no one will touch it . " I sighed and looked up at Brad . " If you don 't play the music for her , she 'll bug you all night , " I told him , patting the counter and walking off . Things were going well enough to where I could sit behind my desk and count money for a little while , easing my headache that I 'd gotten from those screaming kids and loud music . That 's why I was the manager , because I was good at math and bad with kids . And soon I 'd have my degree in engineering and I could get a real job that didn 't involve putting up with squalling brats . Only a couple of more months and I 'd graduate from college . . I guess I 'd been in there about an hour or two , counting money on and off , playing a little free cell , when I decided to check on things outside . I can only sit in front of a computer screen for so long . I wasn 't exactly prepared for the loud music . . . my office was so quiet . The first thing I noticed when I walked into the rink was Molly . It 's not hard to notice her first . . she 's got bright red hair and was wearing a bright green T - shirt and is so hyper she never stays in one spot longer than a few seconds . The second thing I noticed was that she had that damn 2 - liter coke bottle with her . I sighed and walked exasperatedly over towards her and her friends . " Oohhhh , oops ! " she said . " I 'll go put it back , Briansy . " She giggled upon calling me that . I rolled my eyes . " No biggie . . " she said , then nearly tripped over one of the benches . I raised my eyebrows . " Okay , but don 't bring the bottle out of the concession area again , got it ? If you do the soda is mine and you 're sitting out . " There was something different about Molly and her friends , though . . . I just couldn 't put my finger on it . But I pushed the thought away , listening to the people talking on my walkie - talkie . It was Shannon , a sixteen year old who does concessions , talking to Aimee , one of the skating patrollers . Conveniently , they were talking shit about me , knowing I could hear them . I got back on the walkie talkie and said some shit about them , laughing to myself as I walked back to my office . I think I 'd won three games of free cell and counted a pile of money when I actually heard something on the walkie talkie that was worth hearing . . . " Aimee , you see the girls with the coke bottle ? One 's in a green shirt and the other in yellow and the other in her pajamas ? Don 't let them on the floor . . . I think there 's alcohol or something in the coke bottle . . . " I reached for the walkie talkie . " Aimee , " I said . " Escort the three girls to my office and bring the coke bottle with you , okay ? Are they in the concession area with the bottle or no ? " I was beyond mad , though . Firstly , it 's strictly prohibited to bring alcohol anywhere NEAR the premises of the skating rink , and secondly , I 'd repetively told Molly to keep the damn soda in the concession area , so much that I was sick of hearing those two words . I loved the kid to death , but blatent disobedience was something that I wouldn 't tolerate , cute or not . She plopped down on the chair . I unscrewed the coke bottle and sniffed the substance inside . I could smell a slight hint of something , but there definitely wasn 't much in the bottle . That relieved me a little . Molly wasn 't totally shit - faced and that meant that she 'd be able to be punished appropriately and maybe understand the seriousness of her actions . The one in her pajamas looked at the other , and the other looked back . Then they both looked at me . " She told us there was vodka in there but we didn 't believe her and that 's why we drank it ! " the one in her pajamas said quickly , in one breath . I shook my head . " Alcohol is NOT allowed , young ladies , do you hear me ? If someone ever tells you they have alcohol , don 't drink it ! Next time tell one of us , got it ? " The three of them scurried off together , slamming the door shut behind them . I averted my glare to Molly . " Molly Riana Collins , what in the world is the problem ! " I nearly shouted . She looked up at me , eyes glazed over with tears , trying to pull that adorable puppy face that always got her what she wanted . I wasn 't going to let it effect me , though . . . I had to be strict with her or she 'd never learn . " I probably should call the police . . . or at least your mother . . " I said . " But I 'm not . I 'm going to take care of this myself . " I let my words sink in for a moment , hoping that she understood what I meant . I knew that she wanted me to think she was a little drunk , and that 's why she was acting like so , but I knew she wasn 't . . if anything she was only a little buzzed . And the punishment I had in mind , she 'd be sober very very soon . " I 'm going to spank you , " I told her . " Yes , I can , " I answered . " And I 'm going to . I 'm not going to tolerate this type of disobedience , Molly . " " I know . I 'm not going to tolerate this crap , though , Molly . You 're going to get spanked and that 's the end of it . Now you can prolong this and miss out on the all - night as long as you want , or we can get it over with , your choice . " She looked so pitiful and defeated it was adorable . " I 'm twelve ! That 's too old to be spanked . . " she finally concluded , hoping that would get her out of trouble . Yeah right . " You can never be too old to be spanked . My cousin was spanked when she was seventeen for talking back to her father after staying out an hour past curfew . " " Nope . You 're getting spanked , you can 't say anything to convince me otherwise . " I knew I sounded like an asshole , but I had to be firm . She chewed on her fingernail and walked somberly towards me . Whatever drunkenness she had previously had was all gone by this time . I lifted her chin so our eyes met . They were filled with tears , but this time they were true tears . She honestly feared the spanking I was going to give her , and that melted my heart to a point where I almost didn 't want to give it to her . . . But I couldn 't back down , I 'd already promised it to her . I hugged her gently . I felt like I 'd known her my entire life , when in fact it 'd only been about two years . That was enough , though . I loved the kid like a little sister . And I 'd have to spank her like I would a little sister . " You are not to bring any alcohol or cigarettes or drugs to this skating rink , do you understand me ? You better not have any of those things anyway , though . " She nodded . " I 'm sorry , " she murmured . " I thought everyone would think I was really cool if I had the stuff . I liked the way that Diana and Hailey envied me when they saw I had it . They liked the way I was adventerous . . . they wished they were like me . " " Molly , babe , they love you anyway . You don 't have to be bold and daring for them to love you . . . just yourself . They love you if you have alcohol or if you don 't . " " Not exactly , " I said , but dropped the subject . I allowed her to take a deep breath in so maybe she 'd not be so nervous , and then I moved my hands to the button of her jeans . " I have to , " I told her when she whimpered like a little puppy who 'd been kicked . " Else you wouldn 't be able to feel it . " " Too bad , " I answered , tugging them down to the floor and lying her over my lap . I rubbed her back softly , trying to make her as comfortable as possible , which wouldn 't be very comfortable . . . I 'd spanked my little sister before as well as some cousins , so I knew what I was doing , and I 'd been in that position before myself , though I hated to admit it , so I knew how nerve - racking it could be , especially if it was something you weren 't used to . I decided not to pull her panties down just yet . . . I 'd give her a warm up first , since this was going to be a long trip over my knee . She 'd done something that could have caused much more trouble than she did , and I was going to make this a memorable lesson for her . I finished rubbing her back softly with my left hand , and positioned her , then gently lay my arm across her back to keep her from moving when the spanking began . " You okay ? " I asked . I nodded and rested my right hand on her light green cotton panties . They were cute . Finally , I took a deep breath in then lifted my hand , feeling her body shivered because she knew what was coming , then landed it square in the middle of her bottom . I landed another mild smack in the same spot . " This defiance has to stop , Molly , " I lectured , delivering another smack and observing the fact that she jumped slightly after each smack . " I will not have you disobeying my orders , " I told her , " nor will I have you breaking any laws , got it ? " I landed a few smacks between my words . " Aahhooowww , yess , Brian , I got it , " she groaned . " You could have gotten arrested , Mollycakes , " I told her , spanking again , a little harder than the previous smacks , and a little faster , too . " And permantely banned from the rink . That wouldn 't be fun , would it ? " I asked , now covering more of her bottom , even the sitspots where the panties didn 't cover . I kept up a definite rhythm , spanking each cheek equally , as well as the sit spots every so often , until I noticed her bottom darkening through the panties , and her sit spots were a pinkish color . I landed a couple of harder smacks , causing squeals and kicks from her end , but her efforts to dodge spanks were futile and I just finished up and rested my hand gently on her warm bottom . " Not finished , Molly . I 'm about to take your panties down , " I told her . It 's like when you go to the doctor 's office . . . it 's always better if you know what 's going to happen before it does . " Not even close , " I answered , tugging them down much to her dismay . Oh , how red her bottom looked . As a fair - haired , fair - skinned young lady , she probably had the tendency to get red really quickly , and red is what she was . Her bottom almost matched her hair ! I started out with mild smacks , just as I had done earlier , but these smacks hurt a little more because Molly didn 't have the protection of the thin cotton panties . In no time , she was squirming like crazy and kicking and trying to move her hands back to block the smacks . " Hands away , Molly . " And when she kept trying to block I said , " I 'm going to restrain them if you don 't stop , " then started spanking harder , watching as her bottom turned darker and darker . Her once very pale tiny bottom was now very red , the only thing not having been spanked enough was her sitspots , and I took it upon myself to concentrate solely on them for the last two minutes of the spanking . The poor child was already crying and carrying on , apologizing like crazy and blubbering words I could barely understand . But I wasn 't finished . . . enough of an impression hadn 't been made yet . I smacked with nearly all I had two times on her cheeks , she screaming with each one , then I moved down to her sitspots and spanked them steadily for two minutes . I spanked hard and fast , concentrating only on the sit spots , to make sure she remembered this while she sat in time out for thirty minutes . She squealed , squirmed , yelped , howled that entire two minutes . Her pleas were broken off with sobs , her apologizes choked down by tears . I gave her a sharp smack to each thigh to send the lesson home , then stopped and lifted her . I stood and pushed her gently in front of me , following her outside to the skating rink where everyone was too busy either sleeping , playing games , or skating to really pay much attention to us . I looked at my watch and noticed that the girls had probably been out there long enough , maybe not quite thirty minutes , maybe a little over , but they both looked very sorry for what they had done . I dismissed each of them with a lecture , then pointed to a spot on the hard floor and told Molly to sit until Aimee told her she could go , and she did as told , apologizing once again . I smiled . Shaking my head , I walked away , telling Aimee of Molly 's punishment . I decided to hang out for a while and hopped over the counter to where the skates sat on shelves for the kids to rent . Brad wasn 't far off in the DJ stand , bobbing his head to the Irish music and fiddling with a cd case . I tried to clear my head of everything , but it was so late . I desperately wished I had half as much energy as those kids . It was only 12 : 24 AM . . . I still had seven hours to go . Actually , the seven hours passed quicker than I 'd imagined they would . We didn 't have any trouble out of Molly the rest of the night , though she was back to her normal self after sitting on that hard floor for half an hour . She was hopping around the rink singing the Irish music , always participating in the races and games that were happening on the floor . . . Molly loved being the center of attention . As seven o ' clock approached , things died down a lot . Most of the kids conked out on the benches , not Molly , though , of course . She calmed down a lot , though , and helped Brad and me pick up the skates . I 'd sent Shannon and Aimee home and closed down the concessions , deciding to monitor the rink myself , since nobody was skating anymore . When my watch read 7 : 00 AM , Molly begged us to let her be the one to wake everyone up , and I might have considered letting her get over the loud speaker , but Brad said no , and he 's not as much of a softie as I am . " Okay , sleepyheads , " Brad roared over the speaker . " Everyone wake up . . . it 's seven o ' clock . " The limp bodies began to stir and parents stood at the doorway to pick up their kids . Everyone grabbed their things and said goodbye to friends , walking sleepily into the bright sunlight . Brad straightened up the skates and vaccumed the back part of the rink while I made sure that all the kids found their parents or whatever it was they were finding . I always enjoyed sending them back to bug their parents . " Mom not here yet , Mollycakes ? " I asked , shivering in the cool morning air . Molly wasn 't shivering , but had her hands stuffed in her pockets . Her braids were beginning to loosen . " Not yet , " she answered , not even looking in my direction . She nodded , and I could tell that some tears were about to stream down her face . My heart , once again , broke into pieces for my Mollycakes . I handed her my cellphone and let her stalk away , punching the keypad furiously . I leaned against the brick wall and rested my head against it , closing my eyes for a moment . I took in the autumn breeze and relaxed , wishing I were at home in bed . Brad asked no questions , just announced that everything was finished cleaning , and ready for me to check over . I only checked over because I had to . I think if something had been done wrong , I wouldn 't have even noticed . " Let 's lock up , " I told Brad , Molly still following , not speaking at all . I opened the door of my old pontiac for Molly , patting her back as she hopped in . She was so sad that it was almost enough to make me cry , too . I was sure that her mother had a good excuse , though . . . As sure as one could be . . . Part of the Lizbeth series . Parts I & II joined . Lizbeth sneaks out to see her friend and gets caught by his father . She receives two spankings - - one from her friend 's father , and one from hers . I hated it when Javier or someone had Friday night off because that meant Katrina had to work and I 'd end up having to stay all night watching tv with a bunch of drunk Mexican men . It might be amusing sometimes , but usually I just ended up getting aggravated and going to my own house to watch tv by myself . At least when Katrina was around we could * do * something and I could get myself out of the house . But this particular Friday , I wasn 't able to do anything . . because Papa was off in the daytime and Javier was off at night . So I spent all day at home and it was driving me crazy ! When I heard Katrina pull up to bring Papa home , I nearly died running down the steps . " Katrina ! Katrina ! Pleaseeee take me somewhere ! " I begged . " Anyway , go on to sleep . . . I 'll be over early in the morning and we 'll do something fun . Make some spiffy plans , okies ? " He nodded and told me not to be back too late . I promised him that I wouldn 't and tried to ease my thumping heart . I 'd never been good at sneaking out or lying . . . even back in Mexico with my Mama . I tried to sneak out of the house once and made it clear across the yard before I heard her screaming my name and chasing after me with a wooden spoon . But now wasn 't the good time to be thinking about that experience . . . because if it were Papa who caught me sneaking out , he 'd be chasing me around with a leather belt , and that seemed much scarier than that wooden spoon . . But of course , they were watching a soccer game and shouting profanities at the other team . It was actually quite amusing . . . tons of drunk Mexican men cursing at the tv . At least I thought it was funny . I don 't even think they noticed I was there until I muttered , " Yeah , I think I 'm going to go now . . . " My stomach turned inside of me . Freddy knew what was up . . . and that scared the hell out of me . Oh , so yeah , Freddy 's a guy who moved in with Javier a few weeks after I 'd moved in . Just so you know . He 's awesome as hell . . . listens to heavy metal and has devil horns and a goatee , also speaks English ( as you might have noticed ) . Drinks too much and smokes weed . Kat and Freddy get a long great . Probably because he and I are the only ones who she can actually talk to , but still . Freddy 's a cool guy . And I didn 't know if I could trust him not to tell Papa anything or not . So I decided when going down the stairs , I 'd duck a little to make sure that no one saw me escape . I don 't think anyone did because as I passed the window they were still shouting profanities at the tv , probably already having forgotten that I had been there . As I hopped off the last step , I wiped my brow of the sweat and headed away from my house . I knew my destination . . . His name was Carlos and he was a fourteen - year old half - Mexican , half - American kid . He lived about two blocks from Papa 's house and he was really nice and really cute . He spoke more English than Spanish and had met Kat enough times to pick up on her slang words and music , so he listened to different kinds of music and wore baggy jeans . How cool was it that I was hanging out with a fourteen year old ? I skipped down the road humming the fight song of one of the teams that had been on tv . I hated that damn fight song . Surprisingly , I wasn 't scared . . . I mean , I feared Papa 's wrath if he found what I was doing , but I wasn 't scared that some weirdo drug dealer would take me and try to rape me . Besides , I 'd learned on a movie that Kat and I watched together if you let the rapist know that you 're HIV positive , they won 't try to rape you . I wanted ask Kat what exactly HIV was , but I didn 't want to seem as ignorant as I felt . But I figured if it worked in the movie , it 'd work in real life . ( The movie was Anarchist Cookbook or something and it was GOOD ! ) So I just ambled down the streets mumbling stuff about having HIV probably in too happy of a tone . I finally made it to Carlos 's house . He wasn 't really expecting me , and I guess I should have called before I came barging in , and then I realized that his father was friends with mine , and that it 'd be better if I kind of . . . you know . . . snuck in rather than knocking on the front door . I took a deep breath and paced myself , then walked over to the side of his house and peeped through the window . There he sat on his bed , watching the soccer game . Surprise . I tapped softly on the window and stood on my tiptoes so he could see more than just my eyes . I giggled when he jumped , then he realized it was just me and held his hand over his heart . " Tsk tsk , dirty mouth , Carlos . Can I come in ? I 'm bored out of my mind and need to hang out for a little while . " He looked behind him then back at me . " Sure , but Pop 's mad at me , so if we hear him coming in , you have to hide and quick ! I 'm half - grounded because I was messing around at the grocery store today with some potheads from down the street . . . and he swears he 's told me before not to hang out with them . . . I just think he 's losing his mind . . " " What 's been up , babe ? " he asked , reaching a hand out to help me inside . He was sooo strong ! And sexy , might I add . I giggled a little , but he put his finger over his lips and said " shhhh " so I bit my lower lip to keep from laughing . He was sitting there in only blue - jean shorts and I thought that made him even sexier . I won 't go into description on his muscles and such . . . you probably don 't care to hear that . We lay there for a while watching the game , making fun of the people , and hearing his father shout profanities at the other team . And I guess it all started during a commercial when I poked him in the stomach and he squirmed and I thought it was so cute I had to do it again . And again I did it , and again , and again , until he got sick of it and started tickling me . I giggled as softly as I could , begging him to stop the tickling until he just . . kissed me . Right on the lips . Okay , I didn 't even * hear * his father open the door . I was too busy concentrating on the kiss . . . What I heard was his father clearing his throat . . . and that 's when I realized that we were being watched . Holyshit . . . you can 't even imagine how far apart we jumped from each other , Carlos and I . You 'd have thought the bed caught on fire . " I don 't want to hear it Lizbeth . You 're old enough to know better than to do what you did . I won 't tolerate this in my house . " With that he sat on the bed and then I remembered a silent agreement that Papa and all of his friends had with one another - - if one 's child misbehaves in your house , it 's okay to spank them . Shit . . . why hadn 't I thought of that before ? " Over my lap , Lizbeth , " he commanded . " This is going to be nothing compared to what Carlos gets , just to let you know . . " I quivered as I dropped myself over his lap , feeling smaller than ever . Papa was nothing in size compared to this guy . . . Meaning , Carlos 's pop was a pretty big guy , not fat , but tall and very muscular . . . the thought of how my backside would feel was one thing I * didn 't * want to think about . And oh geeze . . . you 'd think those pants would help it not seem as hard . . . Yeah right ! He whacked my bottom for the first time and I thought I was going to die before he got finished with me . I yelped as loud as I could and kicked my legs , but it didn 't phase him in the bit . He just landed one sharp smack after another , lecturing me that I was not to sneak into his house at night , much less make out with his son . I just apologized through my tears , assuring him that I wouldn 't do any of it again , begging him to stop , both in English and Spanish because I didn 't know if he could understand one from all the crying I was doing . He ended with a solid smack in the middle of my bottom and lifted me . " Get home , Lizbeth . And don 't worry , your father will know about this . . " I reached my house out of breath and nearly collapsed as I made it to the stairs . But I knew I only had a few stairs to climb , then I 'd be in Javier 's house . I stopped for a moment , catching my breath a bit , then hurried up the steps , peeking in the window to see only Freddy , lying in the dark watching tv . I tapped softly on the window , motioning for him to answer the door . He just nodded and I climbed the rest of the steps and went inside , instantly falling onto the couch . " No . . . " I began , considering lying again and telling him I hadn 't been in the streets at all , but Freddy was a friend of mine , and at that point I needed a friend . Desperately hoping that he wouldn 't lecture me , I said , " I went to see a friend and his dad found out and said he was going to call Papa . . . so I ran home hoping that he 'd come over here to make sure I wasn 't here and then find me and believe that I hadn 't left . . " I sighed . As much as I hated to admit it , Freddy was right . " Well , maybe he didn 't really call Papa . . . maybe he was just trying to scare me . " We watched the tv for a little while , a silent agreement for me to stay over there until I calmed down a bit . I did feel better , though , after I talked to Freddy . . and I 'm glad he didn 't take the fatherly approach and start lecturing me . Hell , with my luck , he might have just turned me over his own knee and spanked me ! But he didn 't . . . just listened to me and gave me some advice . And that 's what I needed . It was 1 : 42 when I decided to go back home . I thanked him for helping me out and said goodnight , ambling slowly towards Papa 's apartment . I could tell before I opened the door that he was sound asleep . . . because I could hear his snoring from outside . At least that would be the reason I would have a hard time going to sleep , and not because I 'd gotten spanked twice in the same night . Rubbing my bottom softly , I opened the door as quietly as possible and went to my bed , stretching out and almost instantly falling asleep . There weren 't many nights that I stayed up so late . " Oh , good , you 're up , " he said , coming into the room clad in a pair of jeans and towel draped around his shoulder as he dried his hair with it . He sat down on the couch . " You know , Carlos 's pop called last night . . . said you were over there , but I could have sworn you told me that you were going to Javier 's house for a little while . . " I bit my tongue to keep from lying to him . Freddy had told me , lying would just make it worse . I had to listen to Freddy 's advice . The truth was the answer . " I went to Javier 's house . . . no intentions of going to Carlos 's . . . but I was bored over there and wanted to hang out with someone my age and you were dead asleep ! " So much for listening to Freddy 's advice . " You 're old enough to know better than to do what you did . . " Hmmm , hadn 't I heard that before ? I didn 't like being so old anymore ! " You think it 's okay to just leave the house whenever you want to ? " He interjected . " Too late , Lizbeth . Excuses won 't work . I 'm disappointed in you for disobeying me . Disappointed that you 'd go wandering around at night by yourself . Do you understand how dangerous that is ? There 's plenty of prostitutes and drug addicts that wander around that that time of night . . . rapists . . . " Papa gave me a weird look and shook it off . I wish I 'd known what HIV was in Spanish , that way he wouldn 't look at me so funny . " I doubt it 'd have worked , Lizbeth . . " " That 's just a movie , it 's not real life . And anyway , you 're getting off the subject . It 's not safe to wander around at night , whether you 're telling someone you have HIV or not . Kids get hurt on the streets , okay ? It is VERY dangerous , Lizbeth . There 's crazy people around here , and I don 't want you to get hurt , you understand ? " He looked at me in the eyes , wiping some of the tears away . " Lizbeth , you 're my baby girl . Don 't do this to me . . . don 't make me worry like so . If I hadn 't heard you sneak into Javier 's place last night I 'd have been wandering around the neighborhood all night looking for you . " He hugged me tightly , then tugged my pajama pants down and helped me over his lap . Only a few hours ago had I been in this very position , only a different Papa , a different house . . . It felt so much better being my own Papa , though . Even though it didn 't feel good at all . He didn 't answer , just rested his warm hand on my bottom . I closed my eyes . " Lizbeth , you will not sneak out of the house again , do you understand me ? " he lectured , lifting his hand and giving each of my cheeks a solid smack . " No , honey , " he answered , now concentrating on the sit spots . " You disobeyed me and I 'm teaching you a lesson , Lizbeth . I 'm far from finished . " That sentence made me cry even more . . . maybe I was even howling a bit . I was crying so hard that everything was blurry and all I could concentrate on was the rapid fire being inflicted upon my aching bottom . I kicked as best as could , squirmed a little to dodge smacks ( was futile ) , and clasped my hands together with my face buried into them . " Popppyyyy , " I cried , " I 'm sssooorrrrrryyyy ! ! " " I know , Lizbeth . " But he kept the spanking , occasionally hitting the sitspots , and even hitting my thighs a couple of times . He even started spanking * harder * which I didn 't know was possible at the time . I began choking on my tears . . . " P - leasee . . . I w - on 't d - do it - t again ! " I sobbed . " I 'll be g - good ! " My sobs increased as the spanking neared its end . I finally held onto the couch and buried my face into the cusions , not squirming anymore , not kicking , just crying . He took this time to give me a final smack , covering my entire bum , and then resting his hand there . " Oh , Lizbeth . You 're my babygirl and I love you so much . " " Poppppyyyyy , pleaseee nooo ! " I cried , lifting my head and looking at him in the eyes . I didn 't notice the tears that he had in his own eyes , only the hairbrush that he had in his hand that I hadn 't realized had been lying on the couch the whole time . The first whack with the hairbrush was nearly deafening . . . a loud crack as like that of one car running into another ( and you know this if you 've ever been in a car accident ) . The screamed that followed that first blow was just as loud , probably louder . The noise echoed through the house , probably waking up Papa 's roommates , if they hadn 't already been awake . " Pleaseeee , Poppyyyy . . . no moreeee , " I begged , trying to catch my breath . I took a warm shower , letting the hot water soothe me as I ran my fingers through my hair , using one of Papa 's roommates ' shampoo . The man had gorgeous hair and I figured it was all in the shampoo , so I took it upon myself to use it every so often . And today was one of those days . And besides , Kat would be coming soon and we 'd be doing something fun , so I 'd have to look " spiffy . " I finished my shower and dried off , dressing in my baggy jeans ( because anything else would have hurt ! ) and a T - shirt . I brushed my teeth and stretched out a bit , seeing the sky lighting up outside . Papa must 've gotten up super early ! I wobbled outside to where Papa sat on the couch watching tv , noting that the roommates were snoring again so at least they wouldn 't hear * this * talk . I think at the time I had some kind of idea what it might be about , but didn 't want to admit it . Papa was now fully dressed , ready for work . " Sit down , honey , " he said , patting the floor in front of him . " I 'll braid your hair like I used to . " I gave him a look as if saying , yeah right , like I can sit down after * that * , but I sat down anyway , wincing terribly when my bottom made contact with the hard floor . Papa brushed my wet hair softly , running his smooth fingers through it and nearly putting me to sleep . I had always loved it when Papa did my hair . . . he was always more gentle than Mama . Surprising , seeing as his spankings were * way * worse than hers were . I could tell he was uncomfortable when he cleared his throat . That , if anything , should have given me the hint of what he wanted to talk about . " Lizbeth , " he said , voice almost cracking as he sat the brush down and began braiding , " what exactly . . . were you and Carlos . . . doing ? " " Oh . . " I said , then blushed . * Now * I knew why Papa was uncomfortable ! I was , too ! " We , er . . . were . " " And I want you to know to be careful . . . you 're too young to be getting into that kind of stuff yet . Carlos is a bit older than you and might want to try some stuff that you needn 't try . You know ? " " Well , sure , baby , " he said , and I could feel him relaxing a bit . " There 's a number of them . . called STDs . Most of them are curable , but some aren 't , like AIDS and herpes . . But even the ones that are curable aren 't any good . And if you ever have a problem with something you might think is an STD , you need to tell someone right away , okay ? Some of them can make you go blind if you don 't deal with it in time , and some can make you never be able to have kids . . " We were interrupted by a knock at the door and I think we were both relieved . Papa finished braiding my hair and put a rubber band in it , then answered it . There was Kat , standing in the doorway , very sleepy . " Hey , " she mumbled , smiling weakly . Papa kissed my forehead and gave me a big hug . " We can talk later , okay ? Think about any questions you might have and ask them . . . or you can ask Kat , okay ? " We just giggled at her and Papa ruffled her hair , telling us that he loved us and all that stuff . I invited Kat inside to sleep a while , but she didn 't want to . She had a spiffy day planned and couldn 't wait to get started , even if she was sleepy . First thing on our agenda - - coffee shop : ) Before I go on , I want to post a disclaimer . So here it goes : The author of this story in NO WAY believes in the NONconsensual spanking of teenagers with psychological problems . If you are a parent or friend and think that someone you know is cutting , don 't spank them , please . As a cutter and friend of many cutters , I know that sometimes this isn 't the right answer . But * sometimes * it is , depending on the situation . I wrote this story because I know there are cutters in this group who probably would wish this happened to them , or just want to read about a situation they can relate to . And once again I want to say that if anyone needs a friend , you can message me : ) Please do not read this story if the idea of cutting bothers you , or if the idea of a consensual spanking of a cutter bothers you . Thanks ! And enjoy the story . There was a pounding on the door of my apartment . My parents were gone and I wasn 't expecting anyone , so I was hesitant to answer it . . that is , until I looked out the peephole and saw my best friend , Raven , standing there , arms folded and black makeup smeared around her eyes . I hurridly opened the door in a panic . Oh no , I thought . . . what had happened ? We were both sixteen and had known each other since junior high . We were both the psycho outcasts , but while she was thin and pale , dressing herself in baggy black jeans and black mesh long - sleeved shirts with long black hair and black makeup , I was chunky and wore baggy jeans and T - shirts , no makeup . She was the stereotypical goth girl , and I the stereotypical grunge girl . She was still crying , black tears streaming down her pale cheeks . I couldn 't stand to see her blue eyes mixed with red . " Everything , " she mumbled , crumbling into my arms . I don 't know how long we stood there , but she finally let go and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her long sleeved shirt . I noticed that she was holding the sleeve down with her hand and immediately knew what happened . That 's when I turned from a worried to angry . . . or not so much angry , but just hurt . I shook my head at her . " You were sorry * last * time , and the time before that , and the time before that . This cutting has to stop ! " " Listen , you asked me to help you out with this problem , and I know that 's why you 're here . . . and I 'm not going to back down on my word . And anyway , I 've told you thousands of times that there are better ways to deal with your stress . . . you can call me and we can go running , or you can do situps , or even sleep ! Anything but cutting ! " I sighed closing my eyes and rubbing my temples , trying to think . I took a deep breath in to steady my shakey hands . Oh , I knew so well how she felt . . . I had my own scars to prove it . Being sixteen could be so hard . . . with parents always in your hair and siblings never leaving you alone and the stress of stupid schoolwork . . . Oh yes , I knew so well . But we had an agreement . . . anytime either of us cut ourselves , the other would spank her . And I knew I had to do it , no matter how much it hurt me . I opened my eyes . " I know it hurts , Raven . . " I muttered , seeing her slumped down on the couch showing really poor posture , part of that self - esteem problem that we shared . " But we have to build each other up . . . we 're going to be happy one day , okay ? But you can 't cut yourself . We had an agreement . . . I have to spank you , " I said , trying to be the stronger one . She looked at me with that tear - stained face and nearly broke my heart . Hesitantly , she lifted the sleeve , rolling it all the way up her forearm . Yes , I was a cutter , but I still nearly passed out when I saw the damage done to her arm . I fell to my knees , burying my face in my hands , trying to supress the tears . " I care about you so much , " I whispered back , not knowing if she could hear me or not . And we stayed that way for a couple of minutes until I could regain myself and do my duty as best friend . . . even if I didn 't want to do it . I looked up into her eyes , now having glossy eyes of my own to share with hers . " Raven , you can 't do this to yourself . It 's no good , " I said . I stood shakily and wiped my eyes . I 'd only spanked my best friend once before , and she 'd spanked me three times before . I knew exactly what she 'd have done to me had I cut myself that badly , and knew that 's what she was expecting of me . It was hard trying to be the strong one . She stood from the couch and ambled towards my bedroom . My hands were freezing because I was so nervous . I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes , remembering how my Mexican friends always said " take it easy " in such a way that would calm me down . That 's what I was trying to do , take it easy . It was hard to breathe , but with each deep breath I took , my heart stopped pounding so wildly , and by the time Raven appeared in front of me , plastic hairbrush in hand , I was calm enough to do my duty . " Okay , " I said , retrieving the hairbrush from her . I sat up straight on the couch . " Pants down , over my lap , " I ordered . She nodded slowly and whimpered , but did as told . Seconds later , my best friend was over my lap in only a shirt and a pair of black silky panties , with her pants around her ankles . I positioned her as best as I could and placed my cold hand on her bottom . I could feel her body quiver slightly . " I know how much stuff hurts sometimes , but you have to be strong . And if you really want pain to take your mind off of it , you can call me , okay ? This is much safer than cutting . . . no infections . . . you can 't die from me spanking you . " I wanted to let the lesson sink in , though , and I thought she could possibly benefit from lying over my lap as long as possible , so I lectured some more . " Cutting is very dangerous , " I told her , as if she didn 't know . " And not only is it dangerous , but if your parents found out , then you 'd be sent to the crazy house , and no friend of mine is going to the crazy house , right ? " " * That * hurt ? Wait til I use this hairbrush . . " I answered , then smacked again , and again , and again , covering her tiny bottom and the sit - spots . She squirmed and squealed after each smack , but I didn 't let up any . In fact , I spanked harder as time went on , leaving pink splotches on her burning rear . But I was far from over . " It 's not a matter of cutting , " I explained , not letting up on the spanking , even though my hand was beginning to hurt and I was ready to use the hairbrush . It wasn 't time yet . . . I had to make sure the spanking was thorough and she wouldn 't forget it for a while . " It 's a matter of dealing with things better . . . and letting go . " I kept the rhythm up . " Stuff is hard , I know , but you 're stronger than that . And you gotta stop letting little things bother you so much . Just let go . . . " I had no idea if she knew what I was talking about or not . " And letting go is a lot easier than cutting it away , " I added , landing two really hard smacks to her sit spots then resting it on her bottom . I can say this much - - my hand wasn 't cold anymore . I reached for the oval hairbrush that sat on the coffee table and looked at her . She was still gripping onto the couch cushion and I noticed her biting her lower lip . She was crying slightly . I rested the hairbrush on her bottom . " Oh Raven . . . you 're so much stronger than that . . . you 've been through hell and back . . . you can handle it . You don 't need a razorblade to help you get through everything . " " Good . And you 'll think about this next time you think about cutting ? And by the way , I want your razorblade . I don 't know where the hell you got it , but we 're going to get rid of it , understand ? " I asked then let her have another hard smack in the very same spot . " Good girl , " I said , then finished my work with the hairbrush . I lifted it and smacked it , increasing speed and strength as the spanking continued , making sure that I covered every area that needed to be covered , including her sitspots and thighs . I noticed her squirming increase with the more spanks that rained down on her now very red bottom , and then the struggles died down and her sobs increased , and I knew she 'd had enough . I dropped the brush down on the couch and scooped my poor friend into my arms , being careful not to touch her throbbing bottom . We stayed like that all night , she falling asleep in my arms . I had to wake her about nine because my father would be home soon , and I knew he 'd be frightened if he saw my half - naked best friend lying in my arms like that . I kissed her forehead gently and patted her bottom , then gave her one final hug . " No more cutting , " I ordered as she handed me a tiny razorblade that she had in her pocket . I 've written over 200 spanking stories since the age of 15 . My work has been featured in CF Publications , and my first full - length ebook ( Spanked by Her Brother ) was published in April 2016 by LSF Publications . I love chatting with people , so feel free to add me on social media and strike up a conversation : ) Outside of spanking , I enjoy traveling , partying , philosophizing , thinking about sociology , guitar hero , roller coasters , and being spontaneous . View my complete profile |
So , that 's what they called the baby giraffe at the zoo . It came to the point where it was switching from nursing from momma giraffe to regular adult giraffe food . It wouldn 't eat and it died . They had no reason for it other than " failure to thrive " . So as my daughter is gumming her apricot in the handy dandy food net so she doesn 't choke , I 'll type about my son who has an " over abundance to thrive " and will in the end either get himself taken away from us or die . Since March , we have had 4 ER visits and I am pretty done . That averages out to be 1 a month . In July , we have had 3 ER visits which to this point is . 75 ER visits a week for a whole month . Our lawnmower died and so it 's just been kind of sitting while Matt decides if he wants to fix it or not . Or keep it as a memento . We are probably going to bronze it . And when he dies , it will be his headstone . I don 't know , he just has this attatchment to the thing . Somehow , my Houdini son managed to unscrew the cap to the gas tank and while playing with the hose , filled up the gas tank . Oh Look ! Liquid . I must drink it ! I looked up to him spluttering and running away and figured the booger had just sprayed himself in the face with the hose again . He does it on occasion and it startles him enough that he thinks it 's funny . But then when he kept struggling to breathe and started to retch , I ran over to see what was up and was overtaken by the smell of gas fumes . I wasn 't sure what to do . I didn 't know if he 'd gotten much in his stomach or if he just tasted it or if he had gotten some down his gullet how much , do you induce vomiting , drink milk , eat bread , just drink water , do nothing , etc . That was what went through my head in the few seconds it took for me to put him on the floor of the kitchen and call poison control . He asked if I could drive and I had just seen Michael 's car out front so I told him that I could . He said he 'd call Primary Children 's hospital to let them know we were on the way . I walked outside to tell Mike I needed him to drive us to the ER and the car was gone . GONE ! ! ! ! Then I really panicked . This is the time that an old school brick phone is handy . I started pushing buttons faster than my phone could deal with and then would open whatever place I had clicked then again and again and again . I ended up calling 2 different people , couldn 't hang up , then had to sit while a stupid game loaded before I could actually call Matt or 911 . It took all of my strength to keep the phone in my hand and not throw it through the front window . Um . . . Primary 's is like an hour with both kids in the stroller . He was thinking LDS just a couple blocks away . I reminded him that they 'd just send us to Primary 's . Then , with what I could tell was a shrug with the comment , he told me to call an ambulance since we 've met our deductible at least 3 times now just this year so it 'd be on our insurance . Then I realized I didn 't know what to do with Bea . She was napping . They told me not to leave Linus 's side and make sure that he is breathing and responsive and his color stays ok . Which I at least knew that much . But I also knew he would flip his shit ( pardon the french , but have you seen him freak out ? You know what I mean ) if I left him with the EMT 's . This next part will really only be funny to those of you who watch the tv show Modern Family . There was one episode where one character was having a kidney stone attack in the middle of the night and he finally let his wife dial emergency . She then put her makeup on and put her sexy shirt on and he was all , " did you just get dressed up for them ? " I didn 't get the chance . I was straight up haggard , house wife , I haven 't left the house in 3 days . I hadn 't done my hair . I had no makeup on . I couldn 't tell you the last time I plucked my werewolf eyebrows , or shaved , legs or pits . I was wearing capris to go with the awesome hairy legs . I was also wearing my nursing cami around the house and didn 't get a chance to put on a decent shirt . I am not even sure I put on deoderant . Not that it matters because the smell of gasoline was pretty over powering , but still . The paramedics were beautiful . Anyway , after my shallow wallowing and then giggle about it . We got to the hospital , were seen super quick and this is what we found out . Hydro - carbons are digestible . It 's ok to drink them . But it irritates the stomach so if you vomit them back up , you can aspirate the fumes . The fumes are the problem because you then possibly get a chemical pneumonia . Which can then lead to a bacterial pneumonia . They said that is why they look for soot around mouths and noses after a fire or burn injury . Because the kids could be at grandma 's house and the chemical pneumonia sets in so fast they could die in hours . At this point , I at least felt a little vindicated that I had done the right thing in calling the ambulance . I have had some emergency medical training and I know I can 't differentiate between my education in the area or me being the mom . Especially after this being the 4th time we 've been into an ER since March , I was hesitant . As soon as Linus realized that these guys in scrubs weren 't going to suction his nose or poke at his burns which are now fully healed , he was in 7th heaven . He wanted to play with the cars and be held and was great with the nurses , techs , and doctor . He didn 't do so well with the x - ray , but that 's just because it is a little scary . The room smelled like an auto mechanic shop . He was breathing gas vapors for a while , as well as burping and tooting them . But after the x - ray , we got the green light to go home ! As of this posting , we are taking donations to buy Linus his new home . Seriously , click on it and check it out . You might get one for yourself . They look fun . I just had some funny things happen today and wanted to share . First off , I was going through some old books that my mom had given me and was just trying to figure out what to keep , give away , completely throw away , etc . I like to flip through all books just because you never know what you 'll find . Like $ 100 . Ok , no , that didn 't happen . But , I did find a cute little Valentine 's Day letter from a little girl named Patrice to her mom . Dear Mom , I love you . I love you so much . I bet you didn 't know that I love you . I do . I love you more than a cross eyed cow . Um . . . uber compliment to you mom I guess . . . I couldn 't stop reading that note and giggling over and over . She repeated the " love you more than a cross eyed cow " over and over and over . Secondly , I was at the park with my mom and Linus . Oh and Bea as well . I forget her sometimes cause she is so good and just sits there and eats grass and bugs and dirt and stuff . So , I was playing with Linus and this guy kept calling his little girl " Number 5 " . Number 5 ? I guess that 's easier than a name . I may take that and even though I have only two kids , it 's better than calling Linus ( who I call Boo quite often ) and Bea . " Boo , Bea come here ! " TJ Edwards On July 20 I left the United States , and landed in Stuttgart on the 21st . Butterflies the whole way . I didn 't know where I was staying , what my responsibilities were , how to speak the language . . . pretty much shooting in the dark . When I landed , I went to the information desk , showed the woman the name of the town where I needed to go , and was on the bus ten minutes later . Small details . Instead of going to Reidling then to Mörsingen , I went to Rütlingen on the way to Mössingen . I spent the better part of the day in a delirious confusion caused by exhaustion and dehydration . Surprisingly it took more than three hours to find someone who spoke enough English to help me get where I needed to go . Eventually I was convinced to go back to Rütlingen . On the train I fell asleep between every stop , for how long who knows . When I got off the train , I wandered into a restaurant ( aptly named Relax ) . All I wanted was to have a glass of water a pint and to regroup . Instead , I got a glass of water , a pint , directions to the Internet cafe , detailed bus schedule that would take me to Zwiefalten , a couple laughs , another pint , and a feeling of the bars namesake that I haven 't felt in weeks . An hour and a half later I was being welcomed to the Zwiefalten , and ushered to Mörsingen . In hindsight , it is not surprising that I was given slightly " off " directions , this town where I am now residing for the next two months has just over one hundred residents . Susanne met me at the bus station , her smile alone would have convinced me I made the right choice coming here . It is still all new but her generosity , enthusiasm , and kindness are all perfectly reflected in that first " Hallo . " I felt surprisingly well the second day , and was ready to get started . Susanne sells much of her work through craft fairs and markets all around Europe . Her most recent , one day prior , was in the UK . Her ritual , for returning from a market is to unpack everything , clean / organize the studio , then back to work . We worked half of the day , and her boyfriend , and his three children arrived . A few hours later , Susanne 's sister and a couple of her neighbors showed up too . " To check out the Amerikaner , " she said . Wonderful schnitzel , bonfire , and volleyball until it started to rain . Then it was onto the salon , to have more fire and beer and conversation til the wee hours . Today we semi started working , she says we work really be able to begin until Monday , the children will be gone and it won 't be so much like a holiday . I am very flattered by her compliments . " I have never had an assistant who could throw already , did you come from heaven . I work half the time and there are already twice the pots . " Early afternoon we all went for a short walk in the forest , there are several loops to take ranging from one hour to many . As we finished the rain came in full force , and uncharacteristically so . Most of the rest of the day was spent drinking tea and chatting . Switching to beer , having dinner , evening bonfire . . . and now sleep . I apologize that these videos are sideways it was on my phone , I am not much of a video taker , nor was it the best of circumstances . Regardless of the circumstances , he has received his pain shot and this was too cute to not record . Sleeping on the way home . Thank God for modern medicine . Four hour ride home . P . S . - He is 3 weeks healed . Is doing amazing and still just has a few scabs . His new skin is pink and very " newborn " - ish . The best therapy I 've found for him is to make him give me knuckles and then a high five . Both hands alternating . And to have his hands spread as far and wide as he can to trace them . That 's one of his favorite things . Hooray for fun therapy ! We have a neighbor with whom we share backyards , she is old , and I think she is crazy . Not that being old makes you crazy , but maybe in her case it does . Or she has always been crazy . I don 't care . We are dealing with the brunt of her crazy right now . I understand that sharing the cost of a mutual fence is usually common . But really ? The first time you meet someone you throw that out ? Then she ends her request for our money with " I 'm elderly so I 'm on a fixed income . * poor me face * " I sure wish I lived in my home long enough that it 's probably paid for , have a renter downstairs , and had a fixed income . That would be pretty dang nice . Right now , we are a new family , with little kids , brand new OLD house that needs and unbelievable amount of money put into it , and numerous visits to the hospital . AND I don 't work . I stay at home with the kids and heaven forbid Matt lost his job and couldn 't find a new one . I 'd go to work making 1 / 4 of what he 's making . Fine . Tear the blasted thing out . But # 1 - common courtesy states you let us know that you are doing that or in the least that someone is going to be hanging out in our backyard . # 2 - Make sure you have a plan in place to keep our chickens and ducks and kids out of your yard . That shouldn 't be our responsibility if everything is fine the way it is . Anyway , whatever . She then had the gall to ignore Matt for 20 minutes while they were tearing the thing down , pretended like she just saw him , and then asked if he got the message that she was getting rid of the fence . She couldn 't understand the reasoning behind the fact that the retaining wall was her responsibility . It 's her dirt . It 's her wall . It 's her wall keeping her dirt out of our yard since we are downhill . So the fence is torn down , and her son and family show up . Which was fine , but they acted like we were the most awful people . Their surprise when we were nice to them when their football was thrown into our yard and that I gave their dog a treat just killed me . WTF did she tell them about us ? Her son 's dog is a hunting dog and had been in the car since Washington . It was running , barking , and going crazy . I don 't care . I love dogs . But she was up yelling out her window to " Shut that dog up ! " " Stop that dog from barking ! " It was noon . So , we had some friends over . We get loud . We have a fire . We drink . It isn 't anything that doesn 't happen almost every weekend once the weather gets tolerable . And of course , there is gasoline to keep the fire going and of course you can 't keep the boys from playing with the gas . We sat and watched them watching us and then they turned the lights off once they realized we were watching them back . We then saw lights that seemed to be camera flashes . . . I don 't know , nor do I care , but it was weird . We 've spent about a month ignoring each other and it 's been nice . I mow the lawn , she comes out to garden , I turn the mower off , she goes inside . That 's the dance we dance these days . Apparently she doesn 't realize that if someone has VERY frazzled hair , jammie top with no bra , boxers underneath , babies in diapers and ridiculous bedhead , MAYBE that isn 't the best time to talk . I just like to make sure the ducks and chickens have food and water and then go back inside to get prepared for actual outside time . Sometimes Linus likes to play out there a little longer . . . grrrr . I saw her out there and tried to sneak into our backroom and hiss to Linus to come inside . He promptly yelled out " NOoooooooooo ! " Sigh , so outside I went to get him and she caught me . Me : . . . . . . . . . . . . Um . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ok ? ( We were able to see all of them watching us out the window . She was there as well . And the kids seemed to be enjoying it . It 's in a fire pit with a chimney . . . ) Her : And it 's killing my lilac bush , see ? And I 've noticed you haven 't had any fires since Linus 's accident . How 's he doing ? Me : He 's fine , this isn 't where he was burned , he understands fire safety , it was just a camping accident . I will talk to Matt about the gasoline , but really , we have fires almost every weekend . There isn 't much that we 'll do about that . Me : . . . . . . . . O . 0 ( blinkblink ) . . . . . . . . This door was here at the time . . . it 's not even browned . ( It was an old door from our garage that was sitting behind the fire pit at the time . Besides , our tree up there would be dead if that was true . But I 'll talk to him . . . . . . . Of course , if I wanted to get up and get myself and kids ready ( just enough to ride in the car ) in the morning , I 'd have a car for all day . But then I 'd have to manage my day so that we 'd be ready to go and pick him back up . And I 'm lazy like that . So , I walked to the Training Table for some cheese fries with the ultimate dipping sauce . I crave food and sometimes I can 't ignore the craving . Even to walk 2 . 2 miles in the heat . It wasn 't bad and the food satisfied my weary soul . Then I started thinking about it and thought , " Self , there are just a few inches that are being stubborn post - Bea . Maybe a little more exercise will cure that . It usually does . " On Monday , I decided that instead of waking up the babies , I 'd just let them sleep and then walk to their doctor 's appointment . It isn 't as far away as Training Table . ( Or so I thought ) . But I did manage to get there in 30 minutes thanks to the awesomeness of running downhill . With a stroller . Today . Oh , today is a completely different story . Today we ran out of milk . Smith 's is not very far away and I decided we could walk there . Easy Peasy . It took us a while to get ready . I decided that I would spare the shoppers of my stinky self and actually shower . We finally got going about 2 after naps and baths and showers and etc . Re - read that last sentence . I . forgot . to . put . my . shoes . on . That , my friends , is where my head is these days . Where you might ask ? I HAVE NO IDEA ! ! And then , I tried to actually shop with my stroller . Now don 't get me wrong . I don 't want to look a gift horse in the mouth ( whatever that means ) . The stroller was free , it is awesome cause it is single wide / double long so I can get through doors and whatnot , but it doesn 't turn very well . Not at all when it comes to a steep grade and a turn . And the basket underneath is ridiculous to get to . So I attempted the stroller maneuver while carrying the basket . I finally finished , got to the checkout , got all of us settled with groceries , got walking and . . . . Ugh . The basket under the stroller was scraping . I tried taking the heavy stuff out and carrying it . That lasted half a block . I decided to risk the walk , scraping and all , and just walked home . Thank heavens the kids were able to sleep in the 100 degree weather . Ya , you read that right . 100 degree weather . I decided to take a walk to the store , grab 2 gallons of milk , 2 gallons of apple juice , and other odds and ends and walk back up hill . And I 'm not talking a slight grade either . It took every ounce of energy I had to get the stroller home . The last ounce of energy I had was pushing it up our driveway to get the stroller into my back yard . Thank God my scraping stroller basket withstood the scraping walk and I didn 't end up with groceries to carry on my shoulders as well as pushing the darn thing . We got home , I almost collapsed , I realized I hadn 't eaten anything yet today , and the kid meltdowns proceeded . Linus was hysterical because he woke up and wasn 't well rested , started crying , started wiping his face , got sunscreen in his eyes , which started the whole cycle over . Bea woke up to him screaming , decided she needed to join in . I tried to put her back to bed but that was pointless . If she falls asleep for even a minute and is woken up , she 's up . I tried to take care of Linus and his poor eyes . I still needed to put the food away . I REALLY needed water and some sugar . I know that these last couple of weeks have been hard on you . I totally understand . Weddings , travel , injuries , long lost sons , theft , and then more theft . It 's draining . I also want you to know that we are down to one car . I don 't know if you know that or not , but between Matt and I , there is only one car . Otherwise , I 'd have been down visiting and trying to boost your spirits . I know you know what it 's like not having a vehicle . I remember pretty well when we were " in between " vehicles when I was a kid . The time between the blue station wagon and the red truck . The time between the red truck and the Dodge minivan . The times when the minivan was broken . The time when the minivan just died . Or when your vehicles were taken by Dad for various reasons . Anyway , I also want you to know that I , too , am in a bit of a funk . I think I am exhausted . I think my medication is off , and I think that I just don 't deal with this much stress for so long . I have hit my brick wall . I know you know what that 's like . Just , please , don 't think that I don 't care . Don 't think I don 't understand your pain and sadness at this most recent event of loss . I may sound preoccupied but I 've got me a toddler who is now so clingy he can 't bear to have my attention anywhere but on him . All the time . He will barely sleep in his bed by himself . I will make it up to you . I just want you to know how much I love you and how grateful I am for everything you do . You are one tough broad who just keeps on truckin ' . I know you got that great trait from GG who will outlive us all . I 'm convinced . On the Linus front , he loves his books and asks me to read them to him at least 3 times a day . He certainly likes that Strawberry book and really likes the McDuff book . He loves his dog ball so much that he took it with him on his last burn clinic appointment . Thank you for getting him a ball he can throw and it won 't hurt Bea . He carries the fish puppet around quite a bit and likes to have it kiss my face . He is trying to hard to figure the snail out . Good choice in gifts Nana . Have I mentioned the exhaustion ? Unfortunately , I know you can sympathize . I have seen you hit your shut down mode and I am there right now . Hopefully soon I will be back on my feet and be a better daughter in your time of need . They explained that his new skin is pink and shiny and that it is brand new skin like newborn skin . It 's pink because it 's transparent and it will take 4 to 6 months to built pigment in it . Until then , we have to put lotion on it everyday , continue the stretches , and sunscreen , sunscreen , sunscreen . I guess if we don 't put sunscreen on his new skin , it 'll build more pigment than his other skin and he 'll have permanent dark spots . He does have some bandages still on the couple places that are still healing and a compression bandage on his hand with the palm burn . They sent us home with a ton of stuff ( stuff = $$$ :/ ) And we go back in 3 weeks to determine the level of scarring if there is any . If there is , and it 's in places that it will cause problems , they said there are things they can do to minimize it . Anyway , I will post pictures and videos as soon as I find my computer cord to my phone . I don 't want to go the extra mile of emailing myself , downloading them from there , then downloading them here . . . I am lazy like that . Just a quick note about today . I noticed the when his bandages are on , he won 't use his hands . He acts like he is completely disabled . So , in my " mom knows best " ness , I took off everything and let him play . I let him play in the water , the dirt ( his weepy wounds are scabbed for now ) , and his toys . He didn 't have any problems and I personally feel this was a better physical therapy to keep his hands stretched than for me to hold his hand for two minutes . He seriously didn 't even act like his hands bugged him for the most part . The edges of his burns have skin that is just there and needs to come off . It will in time , but he is a picker and sits and chew on them . Gross . Otherwise , he is doing so super great I am so glad ! He is coming along quickly and to say my son fell into hot coals of a fire pit , he has walked away with miraculously minor injuries . When we went in , they kind of made it sound like a big deal . They offered a foam that has silver that leaches into the wounds and is an antimicrobial . We don 't have to touch his wounds or clean them for a week . Otherwise , they 'd show us how to clean , dress , and wrap his wounds , we 'd have to clean it twice a day , and they 'd give us all of these supplies . And I quote , " If you need anything , please call us . We 'll get you in and take care of you . If you have any questions , please call anytime . " " Um . . . I didn 't see his burns , what do they look like ? " I told her . " Well , we can get you in on Tuesday . . . " So . . . I kind of felt that the girl on the phone was not aware of the " call anytime we 'll get you in or answer any questions " policy . I felt she didn 't give me any information and that we were a hassle . If his burns are bad enough we need to be seen at the burn clinic , why would she think that a week away was ok and NOT give me any information on treatment until then ? The doctor we saw in the ER at the University of Utah who works in the burn unit gave us the number to call at 8am . So , bright and early , I was on the phone making an appointment . It 's very strange that they have no openings until I pulled a name drop of the doctor who saw us in the ER and they were able to get us in within the hour . . . So , let me break this story for a minute and explain that Matt and I only have one car right now . Not something that really has sunk in yet , so it didn 't dawn on me that we were going to have to manage work , appointment , two kids , two parents , etc . It is a fine dance we dance , when we communicate . When we don 't , it 's chaos . Luckily , we don 't live far from the U and I wouldn 't mind walking home . There is the tracks station close by to make my walk shorter . But even more lucky , Matt has a job that allows him to be a little flexible with his time . Even more lucky than that , he has a boss that has a two year old who understands and even though there was a demonstration Matt needed to be to , his boss took over until we were done . So , in the burn unit , outpatients are only seen by Nurse Practitioners . Which I certainly don 't mind . In my experience , I have found better bedside manner from them than doctors ( and sometimes longer waiting time , but they also spend more time in the appointment I am there for as well . ) This particular NP was great . He was very friendly and I liked him very much . We also had the pleasure of meeting the Physical Therapists . They explained that burns tend to shrink and he would want to close his hands . As they heal , the burns would heal that way and he wouldn 't be able to open his hands . That is where they come in and give us stretches to keep that from happening . While I don 't like to be treated at a teaching hospital , I like being there with my family members . The doctors are explaining to the residents what and why for everything , so I learn more than I would otherwise . Up until now , he had big , thick , white bandages resembling boxing gloves on . I was worried that he would have useless hands until he healed . It was very good to know they 'd only bandage the actual wounds and he will be able to use his fingers . They said they wanted him to play and that would be the best physical therapy and in past experience , they 've found that the more limiting they make a child 's healing , the more they resist it . We were given two options of bandages . # 1 - change them everyday , but he can bathe . # 2 - A foam that they put on that has silver in it and the silver is a microbial so we don 't have to touch the bandages until we see them again on Monday . Hand injuries really gross me out . . . let 's go # 2 . Linus really doesn 't seem to be having much pain right now . We were given instructions to take him into the burn unit the day after the incident , but they were closed . It is a holiday you know . So , after calling around , we decided it was smartest to bring him to the University of Utah Hospital ER since they are the only hospital with a burn unit . He showed me the date that I wrote down for the day of the accident and I put 07 / 04 / 2011 . I didn 't see anything wrong with that . He gave me a blank stare and it hit me . It 's not 2011 is it . I have no idea what year it is . Is this the beginning of " Stay at home dementia ? " The nurse we got was brand new to the hospital . She wasn 't a new nurse , she just was new to the U , so she got stuck with " the kid with burns " . That 's how they divvy out the ones no one wants . " Hey , newbie , you 're up " So we told her the story . Then a doctor with tie dye scrubs came in . We told him the story . Then 2 residents came in and we told them the story . Then 2 burn unit residents came in and we told them the story . Then the big shot burn doctor came in and we told them the story . Sigh . I felt like I was in an episode of ' Scrubs ' and this doctor was like Dr . Cox . He was cranky and mean and it was funny . In retrospect . It was strange to see these intelligent people tripping over themselves trying to please the Doctor and forgoing all common sense . Ok , I 'll say right now , hand and face injuries make me sick . They make me queasy and faint . I can see all sorts of stuff , have seen all sorts of stuff , but a cut on the face or the hands . . . ugh . No thanks . Saying that , the burn doctor pulled the gauze off Linus 's hands and OH MY GOODNESS ! ! His hands had doubled in size from the day before . He had the hugest blisters I 've ever seen . AND THE DOCTOR WAS GOING AT THEM WITH SCISSORS ! ! ! Gag ! I tried to watch , mostly couldn 't , but I did see the biggest blister being cut and not able to imagine the amount of fluid that came out of it . Then all I could think was . . . this is like breaking someone 's water . Anyway , they cut the dead skin off of the burns to clean them out , put some more salve on , mummy wrapped him again , and this time Linus did better . Or maybe my memory is skewed and he was just as bad but I was trying not to gag and pass out that it seemed better . The doctor gave us a number , told us to call the burn unit tomorrow and say Dr . so - and - so sent us and they 'd get him right in . He also gave us a prescription for Oxycodone Elixer . Just for future reference if anyone needs to fill a similar prescription . . . . NO ONE CARRIES IT . The only place we could find it was to go back up to the U pharmacy . After the doctor and all of the residents left , the nurse gave a big old fist pump . She told us how lucky she was and we were that particular doctor was on call . She said he 's one of the best burn doctors and that certainly made her day start great . Instead of her having to clean out a two year old 's burns , the doc came in and did a great job and did it for her . Every year , my family ( meaning , my mom , dad , brother , and sisters , and their families / friends ) try to go camping at least once a year . We have gone on Memorial Day which is alright but it usually snows on us , we go on the 4th of July but there are usually WAY too many tourists , and we plan on the 24th of July because there are no tourists . This year we went on the 4th of July weekend . Matt yelled to me to bring him to the cooler and that was easier to get to , so I did . I didn 't know what was burned . I didn 't know what to put wet paper towels on to cool off . My son was screaming . That 's all I knew . When we figured out what had actually burned , I was able to put burn cream , wet paper towels , and wrap the burns up . If that is all I get out of my EMT classes , I 'll take it . I 'm just glad I remembered to use wet paper towels and wrap them . We were two miles outside of Mackay at this point and drove like mad to get there . . . to find out there were no medical personnel other than the local EMTs , who wouldn 't be able to do more than I had already done . So , off to the next local town . . . 30 miles away ! ! ARE YOU KIDDING ME ? ! ? ! Off we drive and we came upon a firetruck who was directing traffic away from a car that had driven off the road recently and they were waiting on the tow truck . Kind of made us slow down . But only a little bit . We made it to Arco , Idaho and because I really am a technotard , I couldn 't use Matt 's iphone . Especially with Linus screaming in the back . So I ended up directing us to the local police station . I 'm pretty sure that there is only one doctor for this hospital and she only comes in when she 's paged . There were only the nurses and we had to wait until the doctor came in to look him over . ( I just want to point out now how bugged I was that # 1 one of the nurses couldn 't spell and # 2 they took the wet dressings off and never put anything back on . . . of course , I 'm not a nurse or a doctor , but I do know that a dry burn hurts worse than a moist burn . . . does that make sense ? ) Anyway , we had to wait for the doctor to show up for her to look at the burns and let Linus get some pain meds . It took her about 30 minutes to show up . Keep that number in mind as I continue this story . When she got to the " hospital " , she was pretty abrupt with us . She told us after touching his burns and he didn 't respond to her touching them , that he had 3rd degree burns and that is was very important to get him to the burn center in Salt Lake . If we didn 't , he 'd lose function of his hand or hands . She ordered the pain meds and Linus was given a shot of Demerol and Phenergan . The nurses told us to walk around with him for a bit and in about 20 minutes , the meds will have kicked in and they could clean him up . As we were in the ER , a woman came in with a 4 week old baby . A little girl who was maybe 8 - 10 was holding him and dropped him on his head on concrete . It was an accident and she was very distraught . The mother was hysterical . The baby was unresponsive . The nurses asked if we could go out into the hall to give them some room and I saw this baby . It looked like a doll . It is very disconcerting seeing such a small body not moving . Babies are always moving . Even when they are sleeping but this little thing was not moving . He was unresponsive but breathing on his own . They spent quite a long time putting an IV in . I don 't know where they put it , but they had a really hard time getting the IV in . By this time , they had called in life flight and the baby had started to cry . My mom overheard the doctor tell the nurses that the baby wouldn 't survive . I saw the mom of this little baby for a minute and put myself in her place and felt an overwhelming urge to go and give her a hug . So I did . I hugged her , I told her that I would keep her and her son in my prayers . I don 't know if it mattered to her , but it made me feel better . The helicopter finally landed and this baby was full on wailing now . What a wonderful sound . The doctor explained to the mother that he seemed to be doing much better and she didn 't want to make a prognosis because she didn 't have all of the tools to do so , but she thought he just might be ok . My mom overheard the nurses ask the doctor if she thought we were going to actually take care of our little boy , the doctor said that yes , she did , she overheard Matt on the phone calling the burn center . That phone call turned my experience around a little bit . The nurses and doctor were much more friendly , much better with Linus , and the bedside manner had drastically changed . I wonder how many children these guys see in a month or a year who are hurt and they see that proper treatment and / or proper follow up just doesn 't happen . I know we looked pretty red - neck after having camped for 3 days . Dirty , stinky , disheveled . It 's tough not to judge a book by it 's cover sometimes I guess . If we don 't care for our own personal hygiene , how can we care for our kid 's ? I think that it took a minute to have it sink in that we were just stinky , dirty campers but that our children are first and foremost . Matt and I are very hands on when it comes to helping the doctors and nurses with our kid . I would rather hold my child down and whisper reassurances than have strangers hold him down . It can certainly be difficult , but I feel that if my child doesn 't have a choice in being there , neither do I . We got the little guy cleaned , salved , wrapped , and we were done . He stopped crying once the bandages were on . They gave us some Tylenol with codeine to help with the pain and had us give that , then 3 hours later give ibuprofen . I just want to thank my family for being so concerned , so on the ball , and for realizing it was an accident and that we aren 't mad . I can 't give out enough ' thank you 's to Daniel , the boy who saw Linus go in and immediately pulled him out . If it weren 't for him , he 'd have much more severe burns . Thank you to Tyne who shouted " River ! " in my blind panic and help shake me out of it . Thank you to Mom and Dad for coming and being with us at the medical center . It 's always better to have mom and dad there . Thank you for all of the others who helped me take care of Linus during that first few minutes . I 'm not even sure who did what . I almost feel though that the Bigger Hand was moving us and that as much as it sucks that Linus was burned , I feel like his injuries helped save that baby 's life . It literally took the doctor 30 minutes to get there . I don 't think that the baby would have made it had the doctor not already been at the ER . And Linus 's burns aren 't anywhere near as bad as they could have been , he didn 't get his face or respiratory tract , and he is doing great . Is that me rationalizing an accident ? Maybe , but it makes it easier for me . I 'm just a married momma of 3 that wear me out , make me laugh , cry , and scream . There is no preparation for having your own kids , or living life for that matter . I ramble , I am opinionated , and my opinions are usually a little different than others . I am told I view the world a little differently than others , so I hope you enjoy a peek at my view of the world . |
Author 's Note : There is also a Daniel / Sam ship version of this story . Click here to go to it . This story was written long before the episode Ethon . In reading this story again after watching that episode , it makes me sad to think about how things turned out . Daniel , Sam and Teal ' c walked through the museum grounds to the Stargate . The peace and quiet around them belied the fact that , in other areas around the country , there was fierce fighting going on between Rand 's military and the fundamentalist factions led by Soren . Sam and Teal ' c were now returning to Earth to report to Jack and to do something that Daniel thought might help in the situation with the fundamentalists . They were also going to see if they could get the president to send through a team of negotiators to talk with the Caledonians , who were still refusing to stand down their high alert even though the situation had not gotten any worse with the fundamentalists in the days that had passed since the high alert was initiated . Though Sam and Teal ' c thought that nobody could do a better job than Daniel , the archeologist felt like he was in over his head since he had never tried to stop a global war before . He almost wished that Doctor Weir was still around since talking sense into world leaders was her field of expertise . The archeologist was staying behind to keep an eye on the situation and to continue trying to cool things down between Rand and Caledonia . He also didn 't want to go back to the SGC in case Jack decided not to let him return . It had taken a lot of talking on Daniel 's part to convince Jack to let SG - 1 return to Rand after the general found out that over a dozen cities were under the control of the fundamentalists . Jack had reminded Daniel about getting out of there if things got " squirrelly " . " It 'll be all right , Sam . According to everyone I talked to , this city is secure . The areas that Soren 's people have taken control of are small , outlying municipalities , and both Commander Gareth and Kane are confident that they 'll regain control of those soon . So far , the fundamentalists haven 't gained any ground . As for the Caledonians , they aren 't prepared to start an all - out war yet . Both they and Rand know that it would be suicide , just as the U . S . and Russia did during the cold war on Earth . You 're planning on coming back day after tomorrow , right ? What could happen before then ? " " Well , yes , but you heard what Minister Treydan said when we were in the bunker a little while ago . Caledonia is still just threatening to act if Soren seizes control of the country , and it 's not even close to reaching that point . Do you see that happening by day after tomorrow ? " " I 'd like that , Teal ' c , but you have to make that recording . It 's an important part of my plan . " Daniel looked at his other teammate . " Sam , I 'd go back with you , but I 've got a few ideas that I want to discuss with Commander Gareth , suggestions that might cool the situation down between them and the Caledonians . He told me that he 'd set aside some time to speak with me tonight , and I really don 't want to waste another two days . The longer this goes on , the harder it 's going to be to calm everyone down . " Sam thought about it for a while . " All right , " she said reluctantly . " But if things take a turn for the worse , I want you to get through the Stargate ASAP . " Daniel gave her a nod . " I will , Sam . Don 't worry . I have standing orders from Jack that , if things get squirrelly , I 'm to beat it out of here . " Sam returned the smile . " Yeah , that 's what I thought . " She turned and dialed up the gate , sending the GDO signal through once the wormhole was established . Daniel watched her and Teal ' c step through , then left the museum . He headed over to the library . He 'd spent quite a few hours there over the last couple of weeks in an effort to learn more about the culture of the people of Rand and Caledonia and , in doing so , come up with an argument that both sides would listen to calmly and rationally . A straightforward approach hadn 't worked so far . He 'd even cited the history between the U . S . and Russia , but to no avail . He was now trying to find another way to reduce tension between the two countries . He 'd come up with some ideas but had to double - check a few things first . Of course the fundamentalists were another big concern , but , unfortunately , because they were being driven by their religious beliefs , it would be a lot harder to reason with them . Daniel had come up with an idea , however , which was one of the main reasons why Sam and Teal ' c had returned to the SGC . Daniel had recalled how SG - 1 got the young soldiers in the service of Apophis to stop their training battle by showing them an image of Apophis when he died on Earth . Daniel got to thinking that , if they gathered all the footage they had on the Goa ' uld , showing that they were not only not gods but also not the benevolent beings that this world believed them to be , they could get a lot of people to come to their senses . Teal ' c was going to play an important part in that . They had all the footage taken of him when he and his larval Goa ' uld were undergoing tests back when he first came to Earth . They also had the briefings conducted with him when he told them all about the Goa ' uld , what they were and what they did . Adding to that , Teal ' c was going to record a new statement about his people and their battle against the " false Gods " , making it clear that the Goa ' uld were not only very evil but also very mortal creatures . Tucked away in the corner of the library , Daniel completely lost track of time . Glancing at his watch , he realized that he 'd been there for several hours and that the library would be closing soon . He looked at the book he had been reading , wishing that this was the library in Colorado Springs so that he could take it with him . Perhaps he could talk the librarian here into letting him borrow it . " I 'm sorry , " Daniel apologized . " I didn 't mean to startle you . " He helped her pick up the books . " Um , I 'm . . . not from around here , so I don 't know what your policies are , but I was wondering if it would be possible for me to borrow one of your books . " He held up the one he wanted to borrow . " I 'd bring it back tomorrow . " The woman stared at him . " You 're one of the people who came through the Great Ring , aren 't you ? I 've seen you here before . " Leaving the library , Daniel headed to the inn he had been staying in throughout most of his time here in Rand . He noticed that there were more pedestrians than usual and that most of them were walking rather quickly . The traffic was also heavier than usual . Daniel figured that it must be this world 's equivalent of rush hour , and everyone was hurrying home from work . Rather than going out to get something to eat , he got a sandwich from the food vending machine in the lobby of the inn and took it back to his room . He read as he ate . After a while , his eyes grew heavy , and he yawned . He hadn 't gotten much sleep the last few nights , and it was starting to catch up to him . Daniel awoke with a start , something having roused him from sleep . Through the well - insulated walls and thick window glass he could faintly hear the sound of this world 's version of horns honking on the streets below . He looked at his watch and realized that it was now early evening . The sun would be setting soon , and , if he didn 't hurry , he was going to miss his appointment with Gareth . Daniel quickly left the room , headed down the stairs , and out of the inn . He was shocked by what he saw when he exited the building . Everything was in chaos , people running down the streets , fear on their faces , while passenger vehicles tried to dodge around them . " Doctor Jackson ! " called the man who jumped out . " Sir , it 's not safe here . I 've got orders to get you to safety . " At the bunker , Daniel was given the alarming news that things had suddenly gotten a whole lot worse . Soren 's troops had taken control of every major city , including parts of the capital , the very city that Daniel was in . Even worse , Caledonia had fully deployed and primed their missile systems , prompting Rand to do the same . Daniel couldn 't understand how things had gotten so bad so very quickly . Sam and Teal ' c were standing before the Stargate , ready to head back to Rand . In Sam 's hands was a laptop computer with all the footage they believed would be the most effective in getting the message across to the fundamentalists and the rest of the population . The clips had been edited together in a way that would have the biggest impact , ending with Teal ' c 's speech about the Goa ' uld and the Jaffa . They were hoping that Commander Gareth would agree to broadcast the footage over their version of television to the whole country . " What 's wrong , sir ? " Sam asked when they got there . Just then , she heard a burst of radio static and a jumbled mass of signals coming over the speakers that were broadcasting sounds coming through the gate . Jack shared a surprised glance with Sam and Teal ' c , then bent over the microphone . " This is General O ' Neill , commander of Stargate Command . What 's going on there ? " " Caledonia has launched their missiles and Rand has retaliated . Even as we speak , the destruction is continuing across both countries . The planet is in ruins , but we will rebuild from the ashes and make a stronger world . " Stunned , Jack just stood there for a moment . How could this have happened so fast ? Hiding his fear for Daniel , he said , " One of my people was there in the capital city . Is he with you ? " " No , there is no one here but my troops . I do not know where your man is or if he still lives . Most of this city is no longer standing . " Jack looked at Sam and saw the fear on her face and the deep concern on Teal ' c 's . He shared their feelings , but he didn 't want to think about the fact that Daniel might be dead . He could not accept that . " I can 't believe this is happening , sir , " Sam said . " The situation between Rand and Caledonia appeared to be maintaining an even keel . I don 't understand what went wrong so suddenly . " Sam wearily unlocked her front door and entered the house . Four weeks . It had been almost four weeks since Rand and Caledonia virtually destroyed each other , and the SGC was no closer to finding Daniel than they had been in the beginning . SG - 9 had struck out again . The negotiations were going nowhere , Soren refusing every request they made to search for Daniel . All of his reasons for not letting them search would seem logical from Soren 's point of view , but that didn 't make it any less frustrating for Daniel 's friends . How much harm could it do to let a few SG teams search the area around the capital for some sign of the archeologist ? Maybe Soren had some other reason for not allowing anyone from Earth to go out beyond the confines of the bunker . The SGC 's continued inability to pick up clear radio signals had led Sam to suspect that both Rand and Caledonia had employed radio - jamming measures just prior to the attack and that the jamming was still taking place . She had gotten the idea of changing their communications system to use spread spectrum frequency hopping , which was the principal anti - jamming technique used by the U . S . government 's defense communications satellite system . With it , they 'd be able to bypass the radio jamming and might then be able to hear Daniel if he tried to contact them . It was taking a while to implement the changes , but at least it gave them some hope , something that Sam had begun to lose . This was only the third time Sam had been home since the events took place . She 'd been coming home just about once a week to collect her mail , listen to her messages and check to make sure everything was okay with the house . Every other night she spent on base . She knew that there was no real reason for her to stay there , but she just couldn 't leave . It didn 't do much good to be at home anyway . All she did was think about Daniel and dwell on what happened . . . and on the guilt that was eating her alive . Sam sat at the kitchen table , head in her hands . She felt the tears begin to burn in her eyes , tears she had been holding back all this time . No . She was not going to cry . Daniel wasn 't dead . He wasn 't . They were going to find him , and everything would be okay . " No . I 'm certain that he perished in the missile attack . But that 's not important . What is important is that they think he may still be alive , though I do not know why they would hold onto such a foolish hope . " Soren smiled . " Perhaps they might be willing to give us something in exchange for our help in finding him . " " Yes . But I will not go there yet . For now , I must focus my attention on purging this nation of the unbelievers and making sure that the citizens accept our leadership . Once the situation is more secure , I will go to Earth and make my offer . " " Only until we 've gotten all that we want from them . I do not want them interfering with our plans . This world will be ours . I will not allow anyone or anything to stop us . " It took a week for Soren to finally accept the general 's invitation and come to Earth . During that week , the changes to the communications system were completed . Since then , they 'd dialed up the gate several times to listen in on the radio signals being broadcast from Rand . So far , they 'd heard nothing from Daniel . That didn 't necessarily mean anything , though . It was all a matter of timing , hoping that Daniel would just happen to be broadcasting while the gate was open . . . if he was broadcasting at all . As it turned out , waiting for Soren to come to Earth had been a complete waste of time . The man was nothing but a power - hungry , religious zealot incapable of listening to reason . He was still being totally uncooperative , having just turned down their offer to provide food and medicine in exchange for helping to find Daniel , wanting weapons instead so that he could take over Caledonia , too . Teal ' c was right . The man didn 't care how many people died . All he wanted was to have total control of the planet . After leaving the general 's office , Sam stormed into her lab . She had hoped that , because Soren agreed to stay at the SGC for a while instead of leaving right away , there was a chance he 'd listen to reason , but the more she thought about it , the more she came to the conclusion that wasn 't going to happen . The man would only help them if they gave him weapons , and that 's not something they could do , which meant that their best hope for finding Daniel was gone . Being totally honest with herself , Sam knew that picking up a radio transmission from Daniel was just a shot in the dark . What were the chances that Daniel would have access to a radio ? Next to none . A fit of rage seized Sam . " Dammit ! " she yelled , picking up the mug on her worktable and throwing it across the room . It shattered against the wall . She collapsed into a chair , burying her face in her hands , fighting back the tears . She felt so helpless . The weeks just kept passing , weeks in which the fear that Daniel was dead kept building and building . Even if , by some miracle , he had survived , how were they going to get him home if Soren never agreed to help them or even allow them to send people through to search ? Daniel would be stranded there , trapped on a world decimated by war , disease and starvation . It was far , far worse than when Jack was stranded on Edora . At least there , Jack was able to live a peaceful life on a beautiful planet once the meteor shower ended and the survivors had recovered . What kind of life could Daniel have ? What if he had no life at all ? What if he really was already dead or ended up dying of some horrid disease or at the hands of one of Soren 's men ? " Oh , Teal ' c . What are we going to do ? " Sam asked in an anguished voice . " It 's been almost five weeks . It seems like five months . God , I miss him so much . It 's like it was back when he ascended . I didn 't know if we were ever going to see him again . The difference is that at least then I knew that he was still alive in some form . This time , I don 't know anything . He could be dead , and we may never know . " More tears slid down her cheeks . " Up till now , I 've been trying to convince myself that Daniel 's okay , but I 'm so scared . If Soren is telling the truth , almost the entire population of the planet was wiped out . What kind of chance is there that Daniel survived that ? " " Daniel Jackson has survived many things that would have killed others of lesser strength and determination , " Teal ' c said quietly . " As O ' Neill stated , he is a man of great resourcefulness . He is also one of the strongest and bravest men I have ever known . If anyone could survive , it would be him . " Though Teal ' c believed the words he was speaking , he still feared for his friend . He , too , was feeling guilt over having left Daniel on the planet alone . He wished with all his might that he had remained with the archeologist , though it might have resulted in his own death . Long ago , he had sworn to protect Daniel with his life , and , yet again , he had failed to fulfill that oath . " If we don 't find him soon , the general will have no choice but to declare Daniel MIA , Teal ' c . He 's been putting it off as long as he can , but it 's only a matter of time before he 's given the order to discontinue the search . Then it 'll be over . Even if Daniel is alive , he 'll be stuck on that planet with no way to get home . " Sam was crying in earnest now . " This is all my fault . I shouldn 't have let Daniel stay there by himself . I should have ordered him to come back with us . Why did I leave him there alone ? " " Yes , but I should have anticipated that something like this might happen . A good team leader has to anticipate every possible outcome . If they don 't , people under their command die . Daniel is on that planet , possibly dead , because I failed to do that . General O ' Neill knows I screwed up . He knows this is my fault . That 's why he 's so angry with me . " " I 'm not angry with you , Carter , " said a voice from the doorway . Sam and Teal ' c turned to see Jack standing there . " I 'm angry with myself , " he finished as he walked the rest of the way into the room . " Carter , I 'm the one who gave Daniel the green light to return to the planet , and I did it against my better judgment . I shouldn 't have let him talk me into it . He 's just so . . . . " " Yeah , and he 's too damn good at talking people into doing things they don 't want to , though , when it comes to other people , that 's usually a good thing . " Jack looked at Sam in the eyes . " Teal ' c 's right that you couldn 't have known that everything would go downhill so fast . By what Daniel said when I talked to him last , there was no hint that would happen , and you said the same thing . We don 't know the whole story since that Soren guy was a bit stingy on the details , but it 's pretty obvious to me that he 's somehow to blame for this whole mess . The guy 's an idiot when it comes to what he believes about the Goa ' uld , but the fact that he so quickly united all the religious nuts and took control of Rand tells me that he 's no dummy when it comes to tactics and strategy . I 'd say that there 's a good chance he sprang his big attack very suddenly and unexpectedly , which led to everything going to hell . " Sam stared down at the top of the table . " Sir , do you really believe that Daniel is still alive ? " She lifted her eyes to Jack 's . " I have to believe that , Sam , " Jack replied . " I have to believe that Daniel 's done it again and survived against all the odds . We all know that he is really , really good at that . " " Damn right he is . Daniel 's okay . I won 't accept anything else . " He laid his hand briefly on Sam 's shoulder , giving it a little squeeze in an effort to pass on some of his confidence . Then he patted Teal ' c on the shoulder . " Come on . Let 's go talk to Soren again . Maybe we 'll actually get through that thick skull of his this time . " Again , talking with Soren had been a waste of time . The man refused to listen to them , so blind in his faith that nothing would sway him . Sam had suggested that they show him the footage they had compiled for the Rand government , but Jack 's instincts told him that if Soren saw exactly how the people of Earth were dealing with his so - called gods , he 'd get really ticked off . And , if that happened , Soren would probably kill Daniel if he ever found him . Jack had been tempted to hold Soren hostage to force his men to go find Daniel , but , not only would the president never go for that , it could backfire . Jack had no choice but to let Soren leave and hope that either Daniel got through to the SGC via radio or that Soren would eventually agree to let them search for the archeologist . But how long would that take ? It had already been nearly five weeks . How much longer could Daniel stay on that hell hole of a planet ? As Jack watched the gate dial up and waited for Soren and his men to arrive for their trip back to Rand , he thought about what he 'd told Sam earlier . His words of confidence had been partly for show . The truth was that he was really afraid that Daniel was dead . He 'd seen the wreckage of cities destroyed by war . He knew what a missile attack could do to buildings and to people . Thankfully , Rand and Caledonia didn 't have nuclear armaments . If their war had been a full - scale nuclear attack , nothing would have survived . Even so , the payload of a missile with standard explosives could cause massive damage . If what Daniel had said about Rand 's and Caledonia 's stockpile of weapons was correct , and if they launched all of their missiles at each other , there probably wasn 't much left standing . The odds of surviving that kind of destruction would be pretty remote . But Jack wasn 't ready to give up hope yet . He knew that , by now , a lot of commanders would have declared Daniel MIA and called off the rescue attempts . General Hammond had called off the search for SG - 1 after three weeks when they were taken by Hathor . He had understood Hammond 's reasons for doing so . In that situation , the chances of finding SG - 1 had been virtually zero since they could have been just about anywhere in the galaxy . But Jack didn 't have to search the whole galaxy for Daniel , only one relatively small section of a single planet . And , until there was no hope left , or until the president ordered him to stop their attempts to find Daniel , he was going to keep trying . As Sam watched the wormhole to Rand engage , she got the urge to scream in frustration . She felt like beating Soren over the head with something to knock some sense into him . How were they ever going to get Daniel back if Soren wouldn 't let them search for him ? Suddenly , the technician at the console turned to her . " Colonel , I 'm receiving a radio signal ! " he said excitedly . " It 's Doctor Jackson ! " He flipped a switch , sending the audio feed through the bigger speakers so that everyone could hear it . And that 's when Sam heard a sound that almost made her cry . Joy and relief burst through Sam with almost overwhelming power , nearly making her shout aloud . ' He 's alive ! ' she cried in her mind . She almost made a grab for the microphone , but curbed her desire , only letting the words , " Thank God , " slip from her lips . With a tremendous effort , she calmed herself , assuming the poker face that she 'd learned so well from her three male teammates over the years . The expression on the general 's face when he heard Daniel 's voice over the speaker almost made Sam smile again . There was a brief , bright flash of surprise and great joy in his eyes , then , he , too assumed a calm expression . It would simply not do for the SGC to see their commander dancing with delight . A while later , they were all in the briefing room discussing Daniel 's plan . Both Jack and Sam were surprised that Daniel had come up with such a sound plan of attack and was able to give them so much intel on Soren 's forces . While they had all been wondering how they could find the archeologist and get him home , he was busy joining forces with the surviving Rand military and planning an attack that would not only get him off the planet but might also get rid of Soren . The man never ceased to amaze them . Jack was also feeling more than a little pride . Daniel had come a long way since he first joined the SGC , and Jack liked to think that he had a little to do with it . But then , if he was really honest , Jack would admit that Daniel had always been a pretty amazing guy . It 's just that he was even more amazing now . He 'd turned into quite the soldier . No , that wasn 't true . Daniel would never be a soldier . He was too free - minded and strong - willed to follow the rules of a soldier , especially when told to do something that clashed with his morality . No , Daniel was not a soldier ; he was a warrior , a warrior who was finally coming home . Jack paced the length of his office . He was going absolutely nuts . It had taken all of his will power not to say to hell with it and go with the SG teams to Rand . He 'd been waiting for what seemed like hours , but had , in fact , only been a few minutes . Was this what Hammond went through every time an SG team was on an especially dangerous mission ? If so , it was a good thing the man already had no hair when he started the job . Otherwise , he surely would have gone bald during his time as the SGC 's commander . Jack ran a hand through his own hair , thinking that Rogaine might be in his future . Jack was about ready to climb the walls when the claxon warned that there was an off - world activation . He was out of his office and in the gate room in an instant . A moment after the wormhole was established , a blessed voice announced . " It 's SG - 1 's IDC , sir . " " Open the iris , " the general called . He then stood and waited . A few seconds later , Teal ' c came through , followed by Sam . . . and a whole and unharmed Daniel Jackson . Jack couldn 't quite stop the smile that spread across his face . Daniel rolled his eyes and let out a sigh , knowing that it was useless to argue . He turned to his teammates . Sam was fighting not to grin and not doing a very good job of it . Teal ' c wasn 't bothering to hide his smile . Daniel remembered a time when the Jaffa would have been standing there with not a shred of emotion on his face . It was actually quite nice that Teal ' c now felt comfortable enough to dispense with his years of training to show no emotion . " Can I at least take a shower first ? " Daniel asked . " I promise I won 't disappear , get kidnapped or get involved with anyone on the brink of world war while I 'm in the shower , though it might be more of a challenge while I 'm getting dressed . " " Wise guy . Yeah , all right . Go take your shower first . But don 't make me have to drag your butt down to the infirmary . " " That 's ' yes , Dad , sir , ' Daniel , and don 't you forget it ! " Jack called out to the retreating form . He turned back to Sam and Teal ' c , who were both grinning . The archeologist was now in his office . He knew that Jack was going to want a full report on everything that happened on the planet , but , right now , Daniel just wanted to sit for a while and revel in the fact that he was finally home . There had been moments when he 'd wondered if he would ever make it back to Earth , especially when he didn 't know if the Stargate had survived the destruction of the city . Daniel now had an idea of what Jack had felt when the man was stranded on Edora . Thank God he hadn 't had to wait over three months to get back home like Jack did . Five weeks might not seem like a long time to some , but , for Daniel , they 'd been thirty - five of the longest , most frustrating days of his life , right up there with the two weeks he was stuck with SG - 6 on P3X - 808 , wondering why they couldn 't connect to the gate on Earth , learning afterwards that it had been because of a black hole . Then there were the days that Daniel and his team were stranded on P3L - 997 as the flood waters got higher and higher and seismic activity made things even more interesting when the entire gate network went down because of Felger 's Avenger virus . And let 's not forget the lovely days he spent in the company of Nem on Oannes , wondering how he was ever going to get home if he couldn 't get Nem to let him go . But the thing that made this time so much worse was the knowledge that he was stranded there on that world , surrounded by death and destruction , because SG - 1 had stepped through the gate and inadvertently been the spark that set off a bomb that had been waiting to explode for decades . Leda had told him that what happened wasn 't their fault , that this was something that was bound to happen sooner or later . Jared Kane had also told Daniel that it was not their fault , and Daniel had said that he knew it wasn 't , but , deep down inside , he couldn 't help but think that , if SG - 1 had never come to their world , the people of Rand and Caledonia might have eventually settled their differences and ended the cold war peacefully . Now , it was too late . The war might be over , but it had cost the lives of countless millions , millions that might not have had to die . Daniel was pulled from his dark thoughts by the arrival of Sam . He stood up when he saw the expression on her face . " Sam ? What 's wrong ? " " Nothing . Nothing 's wrong . I just wanted to , um . . . . " Sam 's voice trailed off . A moment later , she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Daniel in a fierce hug . Surprised , he just stood there for a second , then returned the hug . After a few seconds , Sam pulled away a little , gazing at him as she blinked back the moisture in her eyes . " It 's really good to have you home , Daniel , " she said in an unsteady voice . " I missed you . We all did . Every time I came in this office and you weren 't here , it made me think of . . . of when you were gone before , when you were ascended . " Daniel tightened his arms around her , drawing her in close again . " I missed you too , Sam , " he told her gently , his hand rubbing up and down her back soothingly . " I have to admit that there were times when I thought I might never see you guys again . " Daniel shook his head . " Not until Jared Kane and his men arrived at the house where I was hiding out . Leda didn 't know what had happened to the Stargate . " " Actually , I don 't remember much . I was at the library for several hours . When I left , I noticed a lot more activity than usual and that everyone seemed to be in a hurry . I thought that it was just , um , rush hour , people hurrying home . I realize now that the real reason was probably because the people had heard of the fundamentalists taking control of the whole country , and they were getting scared . Maybe some of them were trying to get out of the capital . I fell asleep at the inn . When I woke up , everything was in chaos . People were panicking , and I heard explosions in the distance . A soldier came to take me to safety , and that 's when I found out that the Stargate had been moved . I went to the bunker and learned that every major city was in the hands of the fundamentalists , and they were attacking the capital . " Daniel settled beside his teammate , his eyes staring off at nothing . " It happened so fast , Sam . How could Soren 's troops have taken control so quickly ? Kane never explained . " " I don 't know , Daniel . Maybe we 'll get some answers from one of Soren 's men . General O ' Neill thinks that Soren planned it all to be a surprise attack . It 's possible that , while the military 's attention was on reclaiming the cities taken over by the fundamentalists , Soren 's forces were secretly moving into all of the major cities , waiting for the signal to strike . " Daniel nodded . " It 's possible that they had a lot of help from citizens who were sympathetic to their cause . Ever since we came through the gate , more and more people have been wondering if the fundamentalist factions were right about the gods . I remember that , shortly before Caledonia launched their missiles , Minister Treydan said that a lot of Rand 's soldiers were on the brink of mutiny . If those soldiers joined forces with Soren or even if they just ran , it would have been a major blow to the military 's ability to stop the fundamentalists . " " Soren 's troops got control of one of Rand 's missile deployment facilities . That 's when Caledonia fired their missiles . They were only planning on taking out the missile sites . Kane told me later that , if that had been the only things hit and if Rand hadn 't returned fire , it 's possible that the destruction could have been contained . But Soren 's forces launched a counterattack on Caledonia . " Daniel gave a sigh . " Yeah . I don 't remember much after the first of Caledonia 's missiles started hitting the capital . I have a vague memory of Kane trying to get me to the Stargate , then a fight with Soren 's troops , who had gotten into the bunker . Kane told me that he was wounded in the leg , and I pulled him out of there . We escaped to the surface , but there was an explosion , and I guess we were caught in the blast . We were found by some of the surviving soldiers . I was hurt a lot worse than Kane was . He had me taken to where his wife was , in a house several miles from the capital . The first few days were confusing . I was in and out of consciousness . My eyes were bandaged , so I couldn 't see . It wasn 't until after Leda removed the bandages that I suddenly started remembering what happened . The next few weeks were spent healing and trying to reach you guys by radio . " " You have no idea how relieved I was when I got through to you . " Daniel smiled . " Jack 's voice was pretty much the most beautiful sound in the world to me right then . " " Why thank you , Daniel , " Jack said from the doorway . Teal ' c was with him . " I may not be able to sing worth a damn , but I like to think that I have a pleasant and distinctive speaking voice . " The two men came into the room . " I thought that I 'd fetch you personally for the debriefing , " Jack told Daniel . " But don 't get used to it . I 'm a busy , busy man now with lots of important matters to attend to . " " And Ba ' al . Don 't forget Ba ' al . Heaven knows I haven 't been able to . " He motioned toward the door . " Shall we go ? I 'm just dying to hear all about your adventures . " " Everything went perfectly , sir , " Sam told him . " There was only a small force guarding the bunker , just as Daniel said there would be . We were able to take control with only one casualty among Jared Kane 's men . " " Some of the intel came from Kane , but there were also some educated guesses . You see , ever since the attack ended , Soren 's troops had been spreading out into the areas beyond the cities , searching for people who were still loyal to the old government and executing them , terrorizing the rest of the surviving population while they were at it . As the weeks passed , they were moving farther and farther out into the countryside . Because of this , Soren 's troops were spread pretty thin , especially since a big chunk of them died in the missile attacks along with everyone else . Kane was able to determine that , during the day , only a small force was left at the bunker . I timed the attack so that the troops who left that morning would be far enough away that , if Soren called them for help , they wouldn 't get back in time to do any good . " Jack nodded . " Good thinking . SG 's 3 , 6 and 12 reported that about half an hour after you guys left , several dozen of Soren 's men showed up . As soon as they found out that Soren was dead and the bunker was in the hands of the loyalists and our men , they gave up pretty quickly . It 's going to take a long time to weed out the bad element from the populace , though . Kane and his people are really going to have to be on their toes . " " No , Daniel , we 're not going to do that . Helping Kane reestablish peace is the least that we can do for them . Just the fact that they saved your life and have been protecting you all this time means that we owe them a big favor . " " Okay , I 'd say that covers everything , " Jack said . " Have your reports on my desk by 1800 tomorrow . " He looked at his former teammates . " So , how about if we all go to my place and have a little celebratory dinner ? " He quickly held up his finger when he saw Sam open her mouth . " Carter , I swear that if you make some asinine comment that it wouldn 't be proper now that I 'm a general , I 'll put you on cleanup duty in the men 's rooms . " A pleased smile lit Jack 's face . " Well , in that case , make it seven o ' clock . I 'll take care of the food , you guys bring the beverages . Oh , and dessert . A cake sounds good . And yes , Daniel , Carter , it can be chocolate . " Daniel smiled as Jack recounted an amusing story from his first tour of duty . This was one the archeologist hadn 't heard before . After all these years , the man still had a ton of adventures from his colorful past to tell them about , though he sometimes forgot which ones he 'd already told them . Daniel kept listening to Jack , but only with a portion of his attention now . After a few minutes , he excused himself and went in search of his other teammate . He found her leaning against the railing of the back porch , looking up at the stars . The archeologist shook his head . " Sam , we all had good reason to believe that everything was going to be all right for at least the next several days . There was no indication that things were going to go sour so quickly . Besides , if anyone is to blame , it 's me . I 'm the one who insisted on staying there . If I had listened to you , I 'd have been safe on Earth when the attack happened . I 've certainly kicked myself more than once over that . " Daniel looked at her intently . " But you know what ? If I hadn 't been there , if I had returned to Earth , then we wouldn 't have been able to help get rid of Soren , and we wouldn 't be in the position of being able to help Rand rebuild . I don 't want to think about what would have happened if Soren had stayed in power . He would have systematically wiped out everyone who didn 't bow down to him . " " Did you know that he refused our help ? " Sam asked . " We offered him food and medicine in exchange for his help in finding you . He asked for weapons instead . He wanted to take over Caledonia , too . " " No , I didn 't know that , but it doesn 't surprise me . The man was a fanatic . He might have ended up wiping out what was left of the population of Rand , either by execution or because of disease and starvation . That 's the future Leda thought was in store for them . " " I don 't know . I just hope that none of his men were as fanatical . It 's going to be hard enough as it is to rebuild the civilization . The last thing they need is another zealot trying to rise up in Soren 's place . " " We 'll be right there , Jack , " Daniel told him . After the general left , he turned back to Sam . " So , everything okay ? No more guilt trips ? Because if you 're going to be taking another trip , I 'll have to tag along with you . We are teammates , after all . " " Oh , that you 're sorry . That you should never have let me stay on the planet , and it 's your fault I was stuck there and almost got killed . That you wish you could have done something to get me home sooner . Etcetera , etcetera , etcetera . " " Yep , and I 'll tell you the same thing I told her . It wasn 't your fault . I 'm the one who insisted on staying . I put myself in that situation . Jack , you know me . If I 'm determined to do something , it 's pretty hard to keep me from doing it . " Jack shook his head . " Don 't blame yourself for that , Daniel . If it hadn 't been for Soren , I have every confidence that you could have eventually talked some sense into Rand and Caledonia . You forged a treaty with a bunch of Unas , for cryin ' out loud . If you can do that , you can do anything . " Jack looked at Daniel closely . " You 're not still feeling guilty over the fact that SG - 1 's arrival triggered the war , are you ? Because , if you are , I 'll say it again . Half the times we step onto another planet , we 're involving ourselves in a situation that 's really none of our business . That 's just a part of what we do , and there 's nothing that we can do to change that . Unlike in Star Trek , we don 't have the luxury of not interfering with the cultures we meet . Usually , the second we meet people on other planets , something is going to be changed in their lives . Now , most of the time , the changes are good ones , like when we free people from the Goa ' uld . But , sometimes , it 's the opposite . This just happened to be one of those times . " " Maybe , maybe not . It could be that they 'd have blown each other to hell sooner or later anyway . That 's something we 'll never know . The point is that they all made the choices they did without our help . We didn 't make the fundamentalists mount a revolution . We didn 't make Caledonia send their missiles , and we didn 't make Soren 's forces fire Rand 's missiles at Caledonia . And , most importantly , we didn 't start the hostilities that made Rand and Caledonia enemies in the first place . They did all those things on their own , and , now , they have to live with that . Maybe this taught them all an important lesson about how stupid war can be . " The archeologist nodded . " I know . " He looked at his watch . " Well , I 'd better get going . See you tomorrow . " He went to the door , then paused . " It works both ways , you know . " He looked at Jack over his shoulder . " I 'm still here to give a listening ear , too . " Giving him a short nod , Daniel left . Jack watched him leave , the smile still on his face . He may no longer be on SG - 1 , but they would always be his team and his friends . And , now that Daniel was back with them , his team , his family , was whole . With that thought in mind , Jack went off to bed , looking forward to what tomorrow would bring for the first time in five long weeks . Fortunately , in regards to Rand 's government , Daniel would be dealing with someone he already knew , namely Jared Kane . Being the highest ranking member of the surviving Rand military , Kane would presently be acting as the country 's leader . Though he lacked the experience of Commander Gareth , Daniel believed that Kane would do a good job . He just needed to learn how to be a little more positive in his outlook . As for the Caledonian government , Daniel didn 't know who would be in charge . They had learned that Minister Treydan was dead , having died when the facility he was in was severely damaged by one of Rand 's missiles . Though Daniel was sorry that the man was dead , he was not sorry that he wouldn 't have to deal with the minister 's inflexibility . Hopefully , whoever took Treydan 's place would be more reasonable . It was Thursday morning when he , Sam and Teal ' c returned to Rand . They met Jared Kane on the other side , who immediately thanked them for the food and medicine that were being distributed among the people . He also thanked them for the continuing presence of SG teams on the planet . Having a military presence from Earth there had dampened any desire Soren 's troops might have had to continue the revolution , especially since Colonel Reynolds of SG - 3 had made it clear that any acts of hostility against the SG teams or the Rand military would be met with the full force of the U . S . military . He had been exaggerating , of course , but as he said to General O ' Neill , nobody was going to be enlightening the fundamentalists to that fact . Jack 's response to that had been , " I like the way you think , Reynolds . " Kane took them to one of the centers that had been set up to distribute medicine , food and other necessities . The place was packed with people who , quite understandably , looked like they 'd been through a war . Many of them were undernourished , others were clearly ill . It upset Daniel tremendously to see the suffering . He wished that there was something more they could do to help . " Yes . There is so much to do . But we are all so grateful for the things your people have given us . I don 't know what we would have done without your help . " " Well , I 'm glad that we 're able to do so . " Daniel beckoned to his team . " Leda , I 'd like you to meet my teammates , Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter and Teal ' c . Guys , this is Leda . She 's the one who took care of me while I was healing . " " It 's nice to meet you , Leda , " Sam said . " Thank you for caring for Daniel . He 's very special to us , and we 're grateful to you for helping him . " Leda smiled . " Not at all . I gained as much out of it as Daniel did . " She looked at the archeologist . " Daniel gave me not only his friendship but also hope for the future . That more than paid me back for the care I gave him . " " Well , if you do decide to stay the night , you are more than welcome to stay at our house . I 'm sure that Jared would be pleased to have you . " She called her husband over , who said that he would be honored to have SG - 1 stay with them . After leaving the center , SG - 1 split up . While Sam and Teal ' c continued checking out the situation in the city and touching base with the other SG teams there , Daniel went back to the bunker with Kane and sat down with him to discuss the relationship between Rand and Caledonia . Kane was more than willing to stop all hostilities with Caledonia , wanting to put an end to the thing that had nearly wiped out the entire population on the planet . He had spoken with the man who took Minister Treydan 's place and believed that the new leader of Caledonia was going to be a lot easier to deal with than his predecessor had been . Delighted to hear that , Daniel began discussing his thoughts and ideas for both nations . " Good , " Daniel replied . " We 've still got a lot to discuss , and we need to get Caledonia involved in the discussion , but we 're making progress . How about you ? " " There is a lot of work to do . Our people have started organizing some of the locals to help build shelters for the homeless . They 're using materials scrounged from the ruined buildings . They 're also working on the water problem . There 's a definite lack of clean water here . " " I 'm afraid that the year to come will be a long , hard one , " Kane said . " I am concerned about what the next winter will bring . As it is , the weather is presently cold enough at night that there have been a few deaths from exposure . The weather will be growing warmer soon , though . Hopefully , by the time the cold weather arrives again , everyone will have shelter . " " Don 't worry , Jared . We 'll make sure all your people have places to stay before next winter , " Daniel assured him . He looked at Sam . " So , are we heading back home ? " A few hours later , Daniel , Sam and Teal ' c were at the house that had been Daniel 's home for five weeks . Over dinner , everyone talked about things other than the war and its consequences , wanting to get their minds off it . After the meal was over , as everyone else went to the living room to talk , Daniel helped Leda wash the dishes . There were things left unsaid between them that needed to be spoken . " I know . " Leda looked at him . " I 'm sorry , Daniel . The way I acted . . . it was wrong of me . I was just so lonely . Jared and I had been drifting apart for so long , and it felt good to have a man 's company , to have someone there that I could talk to . I fooled myself into thinking that I was developing . . . feelings for you . I do care about you , Daniel . You have become a dear friend to me . But I still love my husband very much . I realized that when I thought I might never see him again . I think that things are going to be better between us now . " Daniel smiled in relief . Though he cared a lot about Leda as a friend , that was the extent of his feelings for her . " That 's good to hear , Leda . I 'm glad . " They finished the dishes in silence , then joined the others . A short time later , they all went to bed . As Daniel lay in the darkness of the room he 'd spent so many sleepless nights in , he thought about this world and what lay in its future . It would be a very long , rocky road for everyone , but , in the end , he hoped that they would all learn a valuable lesson from this . If the horror of this tragedy taught them never to wage war again , then maybe someday , future generations would look upon this time as the dawning of a better day for their world . Daniel knew that he would not live long enough to see that day , but the thought still gave him hope , and , sometimes , hope was all anyone needed . Stargate SG - 1 , its characters and all related entities are the property of Stargate SG - 1 Productions ( II ) Inc . , MGM Worldwide Television Productions Inc . , Double Secret Productions , Gekko Film Corp and Showtime Networks Inc / The SciFi Channel . No copyright infringement is intended . This website , its operators , and any content on this site relating to Stargate SG - 1 , its characters , or its distributors is not authorized by MGM , Stargate SG - 1 Productions ( II ) Inc . , or any personnel associated with Stargate SG - 1 . All fan fiction , original artwork and photographs on this Web site are protected under copyright law and are the property of their creators , who retain all rights . All rules governing the unauthorized usage of copyrighted materials apply . The fan fiction , original artwork and photographs on this Web site may not be copied in any way except as expressly allowed by the owner . They may not be copied , in whole or in part , for the purpose of publication in any manner or form without the written permission of the owner . This includes , but is not limited to , placement of the text or images on another Web site . The stories included on this site are not intended for commercial profit . |
I am daughter , although my parents have passed , a wife , mother and grandmother , and now another woman battling breast cancer . These are a few thoughts about my life and life in general . Some may be humorous , some serious - just like life . Come join me ! My new back door is here and being installed as I write ! Yea ! I am so excited . So what 's the downside ? It decided to rain . Probably only about . 02 of an inch , but enough to make the patio wet with a puddle close to where the installer has to work - often with an electric saw . Could be exciting . He said he gets to install another door later this afternoon . I 'll bet it rains then too ! ! On top of all else , who is here but the yard people . I can 't believe it ! Wet grass and lawnmowers . I wonder if they will try the blowers ? I need to get the video camera out . That would make the funny video clip . Simone was still " out " in the house when the installer got here . She was terrified when the hammering began . Not only was there loud noises , but , gasp , he raised his arm . I 'll bet whoever had her before beat the wowie out of her . But when you rescue a dog , you never know what has happened to them . Well , at least I can get out of the house later . He came on time , instead of at the later time given . That seldom happens . Yesterday I had to run to choose tile for the front porch . I thought Vernon was coming to rebuild the fence and put in my step in on the front porch . As it is , the other job gave him the go - ahead for Friday and Monday . That 's ok - at least I picked out the tile , and it is ready to go . It is really pretty - a charcoal slate type of tile . I can 't wait . But knowing Vernon , I 'll have to . Wash your hands ! Peace . After the excitement , both good and bad , around here for the last few days , I almost feel a let down today . There is no pending disaster . There is no elevaing good news . It is just a normal day . Simone is ok and the sun is shining beautifully . I know I have to get to the grocery store today . I really don 't want to go - on so many levels ! Not only do I hurt walking the isles , but , well the elephant , or in reality the pig , in the room makes me not want to go . I guess I am being reactive , but this flu thing has me a bit shaken . When they first began talking about it , I was whisked back to the days in the early 70 's of teaching biology . Texas had just adopted a new book , and in it was a section about the impending swine flu possible epidemic . I had a student that I got to make posters from the pictures in that section , so every year when I would get ready to put up bulletin boards I would remember not only that student but the worry that was around then . I would laugh a bit to myself about how we were so worried then . Now it is reality . Don 't get me wrong . I am not completely petrified of this thing - but the news today of the toddler who died here catch my attention . The child came from Matamorous , Mexico , and was transferred from a Brownsville hospital to a hospital here . But this flu is particularly bad for the young and the old . Well - I 'm old ! ! Enough of that . Tomorrow things pick up again . My long awaited new back door will be installed . I am pretty excited about that . It is really nice . It should be . I cannot believe how much that baby cost me . But it was the one I wanted . We will have the contractors from H * me D * pot install it . That means they will completely rebuild the door frame and threshold . They did out front door , and it is wonderful . It fits so beautifully and is so energy efficient . We will be headed out to the SSB this weekend . One of the things we will do it mount the flag pole on the house so we can fly the flag I ordered for G 's birthday . It is his great grandfather 's brand . It looks something like thPosted by Texas weather , like other places I am learning , is never predictable . Last night we had a toad strangler that stopped about 10PM . I heard the weatherman say that we would still be getting some showers from the Gulf , but G didn 't hear that . About 3AM I was awakened by the claps of thunder . I could hear the rain hitting the roof above the sound of the fan . Of course , Simone had left her kennel and was plastered next to the bed . I would doze off and be shaken awake by the thunder again . Then the power began to blink off and on . I was absolutely sure we would be without electricity in just a matter of time . I was pleasantly surprised when it remained on . About 4 AM I decided I would check the rain recorded on the electronic rain gauge . That is an absolute necessity in the Burbs of Swampland ! We had four additional inches . I thought about getting up to check the street , but I was just too lazy to do that . If Simone jumper into the bed with me , I would be pretty sure we had water in the house . When we moved here 33 + years ago , flooding was never a problem . We could get these rains and the worst thing that would happen is the street up in front of Poe 's house would become impassible , The lady on the corner who has lived here for 50 + years - even before our area was built into houses , said that there was a natural draw there . The center of that draw goes right to his front door . Now , after we pumped a lot of water from the ground here and we are now surrounded by development , parts of our little city flood - with each heavy rain . They have been working diligently on retaining ponds to try to keep the flooding from happening . To me they are not of real use . When we get one of these monsoons that drops 10 inches ( and this one did in 12 hours ) those are going to get full , and then THEY will overflow . G got up once to check on the street . It was over the curb and into the grass . Our stupid neighbor still had his little truck parked in its usual place in front of the house . I wonder if he got water in it ? You would think that afPosted by Simone does not have a tumor . Shre has some thickening in her duodenum . No one knows why . That may be the problem . It is still unknown . We are going to worm her and administer an antibiotic . We have a treatment plan in place after tat too . We 'll see what happens . It is just such good news . We are all so relieved . The a / c guy came . If we go with a really good unit / duct work , we are probably be looking at $ 20 , 000 . We still haven 't talked about what we want to do yet . That 's a lot of money . As it is , I really believe we are pouring a lot of money down a rat hole because I 'm sure our 35 year old vents are leaking air like a sieve , and the unit is just not an efficient one . Don 't know what we are going to do . Daughter in law asked if I would make a bib for Wiggle Worm 's dedication . No problem . It is done - along with a burp cloth . So has been my day . I hope yours was as good . Peace . The family got together to go out to a Cajun restaurant to celebrate G 's birthday ( that was last Thursday ) . It was really good , but this particular place is expensive . Well - it 's only once a year . Wiggle Worm was really a good baby tonight . He took an afternoon nap , so all was good in his world . The other three were really good too . Lady Bug was exhausted . She partied all weekend . She had two birthday parties to attend - one being a sleep over . What a misnomer ! Tomorrow we take Simone to have her ultrasound . She is off food until we get her back home . She is acting so normal right now . I keep praying that she is not as seriously ill as I am afraid she is . She may only have weeks . I just hope she doesn 't have the splenic tumor . We are having the a / c guy tomorrow . I wanted to get a whole house generator . I 'm tired of the electrical service here . It can go out with just thunderstorms to say nothing of hurricanes . But we need to see what the a / c will cost . On the news this morning , they were giving stats on things people could live without . I was amazed that that many people felt a / c was not essential . They don 't live here ! When the temps are in the high 90 's or even 100 's and the humidity is right there with is - it is an absolute essential . Those conditions can go on for weeks on end . Hope your weekend was good . I 'll catch you later . Peace . I know . This is yet another post about a dog . Those of you that have close dog companions will understand . Those of you who are not as fortunate will not understand . Simone had another relatively bad night last night . These " spells " used to come about every six months or so . When she would be checked , there was nothing remarkable that would cause her problems . This time , the " spells " are coming about every other day . She was pretty much on her own yesterday since the painters were in the house all day . She would seem just fine , then she would start " licking air . " That would happen over and over . When she went out for her last potty break , she was fine . She did her laps around the yard , When she came in , it was back to the air licking . That went on from 10PM to 1AM . It was then , and I guess this speaks volumes for my housekeeping , she vomited up 2 socks and a knee high . I couldn 't believe it . She was in the bedroom , and I thought I had scoured it looking for anything she would try to ingest . But there it was . Visible evidence . I took her to the vet today . We decided on the x - rays this time . The vet and I neither expected anything . But we were wrong . She has a large mass that is distenting her abdomen . It is very possibly a splenic tumor . So I went on - line to google splenic tumors . The findings were not good . If that is what she has , and it is malignant , which most are , her days are limited . It is a fast growing cancer that begins in the blood vessels , so it spreads - fast . She is to go back in Monday morning . This young vet doesn 't do ultrasounds well . She tried , but couldn 't get a good picture . It is surely there on x - rays though . So Simone 's original doctor will be there to do the procedure . Then we go from there . She saw me through my cancer . I guess I 'll be here for her as long as she needs me . I can 't believe it . It is 11 AM our time and so many things have been done . If I had not been talking and then reading blogs and emails , I would have posted this before now . Before 8AM Ghost # 2 , otherwise known as the electrician , called . He was sending his helper over to change out the security light . Wow . I hurried to dress . He was here about 8 : 30 . Light is replaced and I am assured it is working . The lawn guys were here at 8 : 45 . That 's taken care of . Don 't have to worry about that . Ghost # 1 was here at the appointed hour of 9 : 30 . I gave him the list of things to be done . His guys have the wall paper down in the breakfast room . That is a feat that I didn 't think could be accomplished . The sheet rock is even in tact . After 33 years , I was afraid they would be one piece . I gave him the laundry list of things to be done . I don 't know how much I 'll be able to afford since we will be getting a quote on Monday for new duct work , a / c unit , and heater for the downstairs . We also have to replace the 20 + year old pool filter - $ 3000 worth . We seem to be bleeding money these days . Along that line , I have come to accept selling the lake property . I just have to put my feelings about the place way out of my mind . That place IS my dad . I know it will be torn down . But with the things that need to be done around here , we could use the money . Besides , no one has been to the place in at least 3 years . We have to move on . I am excited about the change in my kitchen / breakfast however . I told daughter the color , and she didn 't like it . Oh well ! Peace . I don 't know if I may have gotten a terrible virus , worm , or other unwanted thing on the laptop - my workhorse , or what . I cannot access the internet on it . Even here on old Della , my main email source says it is having difficulties . I 'm not sure where the problem is . Plus I HATE working here in the office . I haven 't worked in here since I got Gertie . I guess that 's just the way the day is going . The contractor is still an unknown deal . I don 't know he is is going to show tomorrow or not . I know him and all . He did a wonderful job on daughter 's kitchen remodel . I don 't know if it is because the woman across the street was going to use him and didn 't . He thinks she is a loon . We are not all loons on this street ! ! Honest . I need to call the electrician - again . He tried to come out around Easter - when we were gone / The last time he was going to come , we had the monsoon . So I guess I 'll call - again - since it might be that I am caught here for the next two days . I love living a planned life - at least I think I would if I knew what one was ! Peace . No , wait . Probably not . This has been a saga going on since November . Daughter was going to have the contractor ( since become good friend ) come to take down my 35 year old wall paper in the breakfast room , texture and paint it . That was to be a Christmas present . I was set to do it , but much water has passed under the bridge since I first considered that job . In fact , I have the rolls of wallpaper sitting in my bedroom that I was going to use . Well , wallpaper has gone out of vogue around these parts , so I decided I would paint . With my shoulders that really isn 't an option , and the knees will scream loudly after an insult like that . This kills me because I have always been one to pull out the rollers , et al and go to it . Anyway , V has always had an excuse - other jobs - for not getting here . Well , the economic downturn has caused his business to slow . So - I thought he would be here on Thursday and Friday . Little does he know , but my job for him has grown . We have some boards that need to be replaced around the house , I would like to have pull out drawers installed in my pantry ( especially ) and cabinets . I just can 't get on the floor anymore to get to those low shelves . I want a step put on my front porch and a tile overlay on that . G decided to have him look at the fence . It is getting really rickety . Let 's just say we have some work . But if he doesn 't get here soon , there won 't be any money left in the trough . We already have to have the pool filter replaced . It is only 20 + years old . I think it has run its course . Yesterday we had the air conditioners checked for the summer . Guess what ! We need an entirely new system for downstairs - ac , furnace AND ductwork . My , my . Things just get better and better . So excitement about getting the contractor has once again turned to a waiting game . I may be painting this room after all ! Peace . The weekend did not go as planned . There were several reasons for that , but still . . . Things just didn 't happen like I hoped . Friday and Saturday were monsoons . We were 4 inches below normal rainfall . Not any more . We are about . 15 of an inch . Needless to say , the trip to the grocery store was not in the cards . So that meant we had to go on the day I hate grocery shopping the very most - Sunday . Sunday grocery shoppers are like Sunday drivers . No place to go and all day to get there . It is such a trial for me to go to the grocery in the first place , I want to get in and get out - fast . I am really thinking about using one of the motorized carts , but I just fight that . So I am in real pain about half way through . We have two stores of the same chain near us , but the one closest is bigger than the one I go to so I don 't go there . ( Follow that contorted sentence ? ? ) I swear if I could order groceries for a reasonable price to be delivered I really think I would do that . But then I think about someone else buying the produce and meat , and the idea doesn 't seem as viable . And produce and meat are the majority of my purchase . Hmmm . The kids were expected Sunday for dinner . That was not easy this time because my whole weekend routine was off . So I decided on something " easy . " I found a new recipe for pulled pork with a strawberry BBQ sauce . It was far more work than I anticipated . But they liked it - even Monkey Boy who doesn 't like anything I fix because I don 't load it with ketchup . Speaking of Monkey Boy , he usually has nothing to do with me . Ever since we were at the SSB , he has been my " best friend . " He was so good and loving last night . I wonder what 's wrong with him ? ? ? To put the icing on the cake , Simone was acting as though she was going to vomit all evening . I was late giving her the antacid pills . I gave it to her , and husband immediately fed her saying I told him to . Talk about reverse selective hearing . He was going to feed her - period . So he said I said it was OK . Not . So we ( Simone and I ) enjoyed each other ' sPosted by I just got off of the phone with daughter . I asked what she was doing . She said she was waiting for her husband to get home . I asked where he was . She replied he was coming home from a golf tournament . A what ? ! ! ! People - our weather since 3 PM yesterday - has been stormy with heavy rains ( yes Judy - toad stranglers ) , lightning and thunder . Who is their right mind would put their fannies out on a cow pasture carrying metal sticks ? Do they want to be lightning rods ? As you can probably read between the lines , I am not a golfer . I don 't see much to it . Don 't give me the exercise line either . If you want exercise , get off the cart . I asked if they played at all , and Daughter replied they managed to get 4 holes . They didn 't want to lose their money . Um , I think I value my life more than a few dollars I paid to chase that little ball . Have a good rest of the weekend . Tomorrow looks to be a better day around these parts . Peace . Whine , whine , whine . That 's my real mood today . I am not going to spend much time here with it all because I am just out of cheese to go with it . So here is a brief list of my whining . Simone had a bad night last night . She was showing signs of being nauseated at bed time ( of course ) . She woke at 1 and gagged until about 4 . So sleep deprivation for mom . The electrician seems to only be able to come when we are gone to replace the security light . When we went to the SSB last Friday , he called . He called again on Monday . We weren 't here . He said Thursday ( yesterday ) or Friday ( today ) . Didn 't call yesterday , and today we are expecting a toad strangling rain with associated possible tornadoes and hail . Doubt he will be here today either . There are good things going on around me , I just can 't see them right now . My vision is blocked by this other bull . Peace . Tuesday was a really busy day for me . I had booked two doctor 's appointments in the same day . Not a fun thing to do . The first was with the optometrist . It was time for my annual check up . Several years ago ( 10 - 15 ? ) I was diagnosed with glaucoma . For years I religiously put drops in my eyes . And for several years , the pressures remained pretty constant . I wasn 't really surprised that I got that diagnosis . My mother was also diagnosed with glaucoma . Then the medical world advanced . It was discovered that people 's eyes ( mostly women I think ) can have thickened corneas that mimic glaucoma . Guess what ? My corneas are thickened . That little fact saves me $ 50 a month ( thank you drug insurance for being there ) . But it also means I really don 't worry about blindness - as much . Take the hearing if you must , but please leave my sight . Daughter , come to find out , has the same problem . She is 35 and her eyes are worse than mine . So I believe that my mother didn 't have glaucoma either . Daughter , husband and I all see the same doctor now , and we love her . The afternoon brought the appointment in my search for a new primary physician . After being my doctor for 33 years , my other one retired . Can you believe that ! ! Anyway , son in law , daughter and husband have gone to Dr A and like him . On the advice of my nurse from the insurance company , I made the well - woman ( like well baby ) appointment . I LOVE this new guy . You can easily talk to him . Plus he is not one of those weight gurus . He has problems with his weight too ! He KNOWS what a struggle it is . In fact he shared with me that he is a heart patient ( don 't like that - don 't want to lose him ) , has 5 stints , but hasn 't seen his cardio doc because he has gained weight . That sounds like a normal person . I want to urge him to see his doc because , like I said , I don 't want to lose him . So my eyes are good to go - didn 't even need a new script for glasses , and the new doc is great . All 's right with the world . This morning Simone had another bout of nausea . So we were off to the vet 's office Grandma K Our weekend could not be contained in just one post ! So here is part 2 of my adventure . Saturday was overcast with cold winds blowing . We had decided that " Easter " would occur on Saturday since the kids were going home on Sunday . Lady Bug has had some quirky illnesses this school year , so she shouldn 't miss more school . Our district would like to start school again two weeks after it lets out in May , but the state made them wait until late August . They took a lot of the holidays away this year to meet the state mandate , and that included the Monday after Easter . The guys went to the metropolis of Doss on Saturday to get deer feed . That metropolis consists of a church , cemetery , store , school , and a community club building . All occupied by distant family members of mine . The joke was that we would all load up to go because they have the world best hamburgers there ! But we didn 't . While they were gone , I put the kites for the older kids together . In doing so , I really made a mess of Lady Bug 's . I haven 't put a kite together in 20 years . They are so much more simpler now . I ended up cutting the string , so I had to unravel it all . Of course , as I was taking it back in , it would snarl . What a mess ! After lunch , the " eggs " were hidden by the barn / garage . The pinata was ready to hang . Out we went . Daughter must have bought the industrial strength pinata . It took a beating and kept ticking ! They finally broke it ( before it broke our lights out there ) , and we got the kites out . Monkey Boy enjoyed his well enough . He was a typical boy and kept letting the string out more and more . We have the perfect site for kite flying . It is void of trees and everything else . Lady Bug was more conservative in her kite flying , and she kept hers up a long time after Monkey gave up . His giving up on the kite gave the " big kids " a chance . They were like little kids . They had not flown kites since they were kids and enjoyed it as much as their children . The day continued being drab and winds . The temperatures were around the low 60 's all day . The wPosted by OK , the weekend was to be the SSB with a little twist - Easter and three of the grandchildren there ( with parents of course ) . It was supposed to be kind of normal . I wasn 't filled with any dread at all . Until . . . We were getting ready to load Simone in the green beast , and G asked if I had the letter the realtor sent about the lake house having been " severely vandalized . " I first thought that would be for the return trip on Monday . Not that I relished it more on Monday rather than Friday . Nope - we were going on Friday . He called the Sheriff 's office before we left to be sure that he was to call when we arrived . So off we went . My stomach was doing backflips and cartwheels the entire three hour trip . We got there . The trees had overgrown the drive . We had to park almost in the street . When he got out , he said he was going in . He got out the pistol - just to be sure there wasn 't anyone in there . When he came back to the truck he told me I didn 't want to go in . No s * it Sherlock ! I didn 't want to be there . If you don 't face things , they will go away , right ? ? I could hear the door crunch on broken glassware . I took Simone for a short walk . In the side yard were two lamps from upstairs . I didn 't look with great detail . We headed for the garage area . I was amazed that the door was still shut even though there was a panel out . With nosey rosie Simone , I couldn 't really see in , but it looked rather unchanged . G took pictures of the damage while waiting for the Sheriff . When he got there , he took a statement and pictures giving us a case number . Cutting to today - our insurance is not in effect if the house was not occupied 30 days before something happened . I just love insurance . We called the realtor . She is going to see about getting someone to clean out all the broken stuff and fix the broken windows and glass door . In the mean time , we discovered some of the neighbors had noticed people around . They didn 't call police . Thanks . The funny part of this is that this time there was more furniture stolen . We took our 25 year Posted by Here I sit . I had two different people set to come to the house today . One , who has already been here , as I expected , was to close up little openings that the squirrels have gnawed to get into the attic . And some people find them so cute . They are nothing but rats with fluffy tails . I really don 't like them at all . They have cost me a bundle over the years . The other is Sal * ation Army to pick up our old " entertainment center . " Not really much of one , but it was really serviceable . I didn 't realize just how much it held until we were getting the obsolete video tapes out of it . Now I have piles and piles of them sitting around . The entertainment center was replaced by the new fancy flat screen . I thought daughter would take it , but they decided against it . I told her it would be a great place for Doodle Bug to put her toys in . She has the biggest bedroom ( but she still sleeps with mom and dad ) . They thought it was too big . They were going to help me load it to take to a center . That was at least a month and a half ago . But . . . So there is sat beside my fireplace blocking one way to get to the front door . So here I sit waiting . But it 's just as well . I am working on my newest addiction - downloading machine embroidery files . I have about 200 that I need to go through to change the format if needed and put into folders where I might find them again . I bought a new program to help with that . It said it went through 10000 files . It said some of those were duplicates however . ( Yes , I have an addictive personality . ) I also am hurting today - a lot . The weather is muggy and threatening rain , so that may be part of the problem . The other is I made my foray to the grocery store yesterday . I had to make the entire store . I am so out of shape that I am really paying for it today . At least those things must be the problem . We are getting ready to make the pilgrimage to the SSB tomorrow . I found kites for the older kids since the winds always blow up there . We don 't have the anemometer installed yet , so I don 't know the exact spPosted by We belong to a religion that believes in infant baptism . My son was a member of this religion and his wife was too . That is before they joined an interdenominational church . With the birth of Wiggle Worm , I wondered what they were going to do about him . " Pa " asked that Sunday night after they got here from a service where a baby was given over to the Lord . Daughter in law said that WW would be in May . Pa said something to the effect that that doesn 't save them . Then a discussion of the " iinnocent souls " of babies insued . I don 't have much to say . I wasn 't baptized until I was 11 . That was because at the time we attended a church that didn 't do infants . When I was 11 I joined my current religion . I must say , it is rather strange to be baptized when all the others are babies . I really wish WW would be baptized . It is one of the tenets of my religion . But then I wish son and dil were still members of the same religion . I found out recently that my goofy old piano teacher was right . All my ancestors on my dad 's side ( with the exception of his mother ) were of that religion , and when they came from Germany , they were among the builders of the church in the Alamo City where I was confirmed . But everyone has the right to chose . If they feel a church is right for them , then it is . Peace . There are so many things I don 't want to deal with . I like to hide from them , and pretent they simply don 't exist . I think that 's part of my terrible tendency to proscrastinate . I just don 't want to deal with something . I feel overwhelmed by something . Or it 's a new situation I don 't want to handle . That 's kind of the way I feel about the property that has been vandalized . I tried to link to April 2 , but I don 't know how . Anyway , I got dear husband to email the realtor . I finally told him that I didn 't want to face it . She replied . The door is standing open . She looked inside , and things are all broken up . It apparently has been going on for some time . She said her cousin lives next door now . My question is why the neighbors allow this to be happening . I don 't expect them to be watch dogs , but I believe in watching out for my neighbors . Apparently they don 't . There has to be some noise coming from activities there . I really am not putting responsibility with them , but I would want this type of thing out of my neighborhood . I know one thing however . " Resort " property like this attracts unsavory people . All kinds of folks live around there . Some are retired military . Some are the basest trash you have ever seen . Guess what lives mostly around that house . I live in a " trailer " at the SSB . I don 't really think people who do are trash , but those that are located behind our house there . . . I 'll leave it to your imagination . Of course , we live in an upper middle class neighborhood here in Swampland . These kids could do things like this if they had too much time on their hands . I just don 't know anymore . The fact that I don 't want to face it still hasn 't changed , but it looks like I will have to this weekend either on the way to the SSB or on the way home . My stomach is churning . My insurance , while taking lots and lots of my money , really has stepped up to the plate . During all the treatments and surgeries , between the physicians and them , my treatments cost me nothing really . Now , the reconstruction has begun to cost some , but really it 's not too bad - except for one little ( $ 1000 ) thing - which is another story . They have a program for us that I decided to take advantage of . It is a nurse manager and then a nutritionist . I was really doubtful at first . I wasn 't sure I would like this at all . The nurse really gave me some good ideas , and she also suggested the nutritionist . With great dread , I awaited the call of the nutritionist . I just knew I would get the Hitler of that ilk . I thought she would tell me to lightly graze on two leaves of lettuce a day and just suck it up . She didn 't ! She was so supportive . She understood . She didn 't accuse me of being a week willed creatin . I told her that I lost a lot of weight before , and I did At * ins . No carbs . I made the mistake in February of a " free trial " of South B * ach . I have another name for them now , but I try to keep this space clean . My " free trial " cost me $ 200 . On their site , in the FAQ section , they STATE they will happily return any portion of the fee if you are not satisfied . DON ' T BELIEVE IT . They lied . They , unlike Weight Watchers ( which I also tried the week trial ) , make you call an 800 number . Now , that number is always busy , so you have to sit for a long time waiting on hold . I wasn 't too worried about being absolutely sure I canceled it during that week of free trial because of their policy . Then , when I tried to cancel , they said they sent me a email offering a " special " for a year . They said I approved the " specially priced " yearly membership , and that cannot be canceled during that year . No refund . The had not been sending me any emails prior to me calling . Now I get one a day . I searched my " trash " bin for an email . I didn 't find one . This is a case of " he said - she said " and I 'm the one who loses . The only reason I being this upPosted by What is the best thing to follow bad news , why more bad news , of course . And that 's what happened yesterday . I was about to exit from the computer yesterday . I had just dealt with a Pay Friend phishing email . I had just reported it , and another message came into my inbox . It was from my cousin 's daughter . Bill was the last cousin I have been close to . He was at least 25 years older than I , but he and my family remained close . He loved my mother so much . His kids are closer to my age - which makes sense . But I was always close to Bill . I have two remaining cousins , but there was never any real closeness - partially due to my aunt , their mother . The email from Bill 's daughter was telling me of his death yesterday at 6 : 30 AM . I am really saddened by this . Again , I was thinking he would live forever . There were so many things left unsaid . Left unasked ( about the family ) . We mostly communicated by emails . I had noticed that the frequency had dropped off , but I didn 't think too much about it . We were completely polar in our politics - and I will just leave it there . We may not have agreed about things like that , but I still respected him . He had lead a very interesting life . Bill , I will miss you . Peace . I just don 't get it . Just what joy is there in destroying other people 's possessions ? It is a thrill of some sort ? Is it some kind of natural high ? My dad and mom built ( almost from the ground up ) a little house at one of the lakes on the outskirts of the hill country back in 1964 . Before my mother died ( and I mean almost right up to the very end ) they planned to retire there . Unfortunately , they placed the house in a really bad place . They were after seclusion . So they put the house toward the back of the lot . For years , there were no houses around the house . It got to be that every time we got to the house , it had been broken into . A normal way for the house was to have at least one window boarded up because someone had broken it out to gain access to the house . Then Henry and his wife built a beautiful home next door . The big plus , in addition to them just being there , is they had a dog . If someone was around our house , their dog would bark spurring Henry to turn on lights which would usually run the perps off . As time went on , Henry 's wife got Alzheimer 's . About ten years ago , she died from the disease . That left Henry there alone . But he stayed , and that fact kept the baddies at bay . When my dad died , I was really tied to the house . When Lady Bug was born on January 2001 , that 's where we stayed waiting for her birth ( two weeks - the docs said it could be any day ) in the cold . The house was never well insulated . The house had such meaning to me . He crafted all the cabinets . He built the dining table . It was him - totally . About three years , Henry had the nerve to die on us . He was 92 - like my dad . Can you believe ? Now I 'll be more serious . It happened . His house was now empty . There was no one to help run off the baddies . I still don 't understand how the people across the street don 't see these bums . I acknowledge it would be difficult , but I think they could see something . But they don 't . Two years ago , I walked into a mess . Again , we had been broken into . This time , they stole furniture and pictures on the wallsPosted by I am a biologist by training . I appreciate the wonders of nature . When my children were born , I was a bit in awe of their births . It IS an amazing thing . Creating a new being from something so very small . When my first three grandchildren were born , I felt much the same thing . I was in awe of the simple miracle of life . When this fourth little boy was born however , I have experienced a completely new feeling . Every time I look at him and hold him , I marvel at how something so incompletely formed could live with us frail humans in charge . I know there are a lot of animals born out there that are in such a incomplete state . I guess I give the animal world more credit than I do to humans . Not too long ago , a newborn was found in a discarded washing machine at the trash area of an apartment complex . A little girl , umbilical cord still attached , was found wrapped in a plastic garbage sack stuffed into that washer . It was a warmish day , not really hot , but in a plastic bag in a closed container , I would imagine it could get hot very quickly . Perhaps that ended up aiding her survival . When I hear Wiggle Worm cry , especially as a new born ( only hours old ) , his cry was feeble at best . This other little girl was located because she was able to make her cry heard . That was a miracle right there . She was taken to the hospital , and last I heard , she was doing well placed in the foster care system . Back to WW . I marvel at him , and really all newborns . They manage , mostly , to not only survive but flourish . I watch him discover his arms . You can see he really wants to know what those things at the ends of those arms are , but he just hasn 't made those neural connections - yet . All he can do is squirm a bit and cry . He cannot do anything else . What fragile little beings come to us . I never felt like this with any of the others . I really don 't know why . Perhaps my life experiences of late have changed me . I don 't know . I continue to look at him and marvel . How completely helpless he is . What a wonder . . . Peace . I was a woman who dreaded the thought of getting older and becoming a grandmother . Now being a grandmother is one of my greatest joys . Time changes us all . Hopefully for the better . Retirement is the greatest thing in the world - I wish I could have done it at 23 . |
I am daughter , although my parents have passed , a wife , mother and grandmother , and now another woman battling breast cancer . These are a few thoughts about my life and life in general . Some may be humorous , some serious - just like life . Come join me ! My new back door is here and being installed as I write ! Yea ! I am so excited . So what 's the downside ? It decided to rain . Probably only about . 02 of an inch , but enough to make the patio wet with a puddle close to where the installer has to work - often with an electric saw . Could be exciting . He said he gets to install another door later this afternoon . I 'll bet it rains then too ! ! On top of all else , who is here but the yard people . I can 't believe it ! Wet grass and lawnmowers . I wonder if they will try the blowers ? I need to get the video camera out . That would make the funny video clip . Simone was still " out " in the house when the installer got here . She was terrified when the hammering began . Not only was there loud noises , but , gasp , he raised his arm . I 'll bet whoever had her before beat the wowie out of her . But when you rescue a dog , you never know what has happened to them . Well , at least I can get out of the house later . He came on time , instead of at the later time given . That seldom happens . Yesterday I had to run to choose tile for the front porch . I thought Vernon was coming to rebuild the fence and put in my step in on the front porch . As it is , the other job gave him the go - ahead for Friday and Monday . That 's ok - at least I picked out the tile , and it is ready to go . It is really pretty - a charcoal slate type of tile . I can 't wait . But knowing Vernon , I 'll have to . Wash your hands ! Peace . After the excitement , both good and bad , around here for the last few days , I almost feel a let down today . There is no pending disaster . There is no elevaing good news . It is just a normal day . Simone is ok and the sun is shining beautifully . I know I have to get to the grocery store today . I really don 't want to go - on so many levels ! Not only do I hurt walking the isles , but , well the elephant , or in reality the pig , in the room makes me not want to go . I guess I am being reactive , but this flu thing has me a bit shaken . When they first began talking about it , I was whisked back to the days in the early 70 's of teaching biology . Texas had just adopted a new book , and in it was a section about the impending swine flu possible epidemic . I had a student that I got to make posters from the pictures in that section , so every year when I would get ready to put up bulletin boards I would remember not only that student but the worry that was around then . I would laugh a bit to myself about how we were so worried then . Now it is reality . Don 't get me wrong . I am not completely petrified of this thing - but the news today of the toddler who died here catch my attention . The child came from Matamorous , Mexico , and was transferred from a Brownsville hospital to a hospital here . But this flu is particularly bad for the young and the old . Well - I 'm old ! ! Enough of that . Tomorrow things pick up again . My long awaited new back door will be installed . I am pretty excited about that . It is really nice . It should be . I cannot believe how much that baby cost me . But it was the one I wanted . We will have the contractors from H * me D * pot install it . That means they will completely rebuild the door frame and threshold . They did out front door , and it is wonderful . It fits so beautifully and is so energy efficient . We will be headed out to the SSB this weekend . One of the things we will do it mount the flag pole on the house so we can fly the flag I ordered for G 's birthday . It is his great grandfather 's brand . It looks something like thPosted by Texas weather , like other places I am learning , is never predictable . Last night we had a toad strangler that stopped about 10PM . I heard the weatherman say that we would still be getting some showers from the Gulf , but G didn 't hear that . About 3AM I was awakened by the claps of thunder . I could hear the rain hitting the roof above the sound of the fan . Of course , Simone had left her kennel and was plastered next to the bed . I would doze off and be shaken awake by the thunder again . Then the power began to blink off and on . I was absolutely sure we would be without electricity in just a matter of time . I was pleasantly surprised when it remained on . About 4 AM I decided I would check the rain recorded on the electronic rain gauge . That is an absolute necessity in the Burbs of Swampland ! We had four additional inches . I thought about getting up to check the street , but I was just too lazy to do that . If Simone jumper into the bed with me , I would be pretty sure we had water in the house . When we moved here 33 + years ago , flooding was never a problem . We could get these rains and the worst thing that would happen is the street up in front of Poe 's house would become impassible , The lady on the corner who has lived here for 50 + years - even before our area was built into houses , said that there was a natural draw there . The center of that draw goes right to his front door . Now , after we pumped a lot of water from the ground here and we are now surrounded by development , parts of our little city flood - with each heavy rain . They have been working diligently on retaining ponds to try to keep the flooding from happening . To me they are not of real use . When we get one of these monsoons that drops 10 inches ( and this one did in 12 hours ) those are going to get full , and then THEY will overflow . G got up once to check on the street . It was over the curb and into the grass . Our stupid neighbor still had his little truck parked in its usual place in front of the house . I wonder if he got water in it ? You would think that afPosted by Simone does not have a tumor . Shre has some thickening in her duodenum . No one knows why . That may be the problem . It is still unknown . We are going to worm her and administer an antibiotic . We have a treatment plan in place after tat too . We 'll see what happens . It is just such good news . We are all so relieved . The a / c guy came . If we go with a really good unit / duct work , we are probably be looking at $ 20 , 000 . We still haven 't talked about what we want to do yet . That 's a lot of money . As it is , I really believe we are pouring a lot of money down a rat hole because I 'm sure our 35 year old vents are leaking air like a sieve , and the unit is just not an efficient one . Don 't know what we are going to do . Daughter in law asked if I would make a bib for Wiggle Worm 's dedication . No problem . It is done - along with a burp cloth . So has been my day . I hope yours was as good . Peace . The family got together to go out to a Cajun restaurant to celebrate G 's birthday ( that was last Thursday ) . It was really good , but this particular place is expensive . Well - it 's only once a year . Wiggle Worm was really a good baby tonight . He took an afternoon nap , so all was good in his world . The other three were really good too . Lady Bug was exhausted . She partied all weekend . She had two birthday parties to attend - one being a sleep over . What a misnomer ! Tomorrow we take Simone to have her ultrasound . She is off food until we get her back home . She is acting so normal right now . I keep praying that she is not as seriously ill as I am afraid she is . She may only have weeks . I just hope she doesn 't have the splenic tumor . We are having the a / c guy tomorrow . I wanted to get a whole house generator . I 'm tired of the electrical service here . It can go out with just thunderstorms to say nothing of hurricanes . But we need to see what the a / c will cost . On the news this morning , they were giving stats on things people could live without . I was amazed that that many people felt a / c was not essential . They don 't live here ! When the temps are in the high 90 's or even 100 's and the humidity is right there with is - it is an absolute essential . Those conditions can go on for weeks on end . Hope your weekend was good . I 'll catch you later . Peace . I know . This is yet another post about a dog . Those of you that have close dog companions will understand . Those of you who are not as fortunate will not understand . Simone had another relatively bad night last night . These " spells " used to come about every six months or so . When she would be checked , there was nothing remarkable that would cause her problems . This time , the " spells " are coming about every other day . She was pretty much on her own yesterday since the painters were in the house all day . She would seem just fine , then she would start " licking air . " That would happen over and over . When she went out for her last potty break , she was fine . She did her laps around the yard , When she came in , it was back to the air licking . That went on from 10PM to 1AM . It was then , and I guess this speaks volumes for my housekeeping , she vomited up 2 socks and a knee high . I couldn 't believe it . She was in the bedroom , and I thought I had scoured it looking for anything she would try to ingest . But there it was . Visible evidence . I took her to the vet today . We decided on the x - rays this time . The vet and I neither expected anything . But we were wrong . She has a large mass that is distenting her abdomen . It is very possibly a splenic tumor . So I went on - line to google splenic tumors . The findings were not good . If that is what she has , and it is malignant , which most are , her days are limited . It is a fast growing cancer that begins in the blood vessels , so it spreads - fast . She is to go back in Monday morning . This young vet doesn 't do ultrasounds well . She tried , but couldn 't get a good picture . It is surely there on x - rays though . So Simone 's original doctor will be there to do the procedure . Then we go from there . She saw me through my cancer . I guess I 'll be here for her as long as she needs me . I can 't believe it . It is 11 AM our time and so many things have been done . If I had not been talking and then reading blogs and emails , I would have posted this before now . Before 8AM Ghost # 2 , otherwise known as the electrician , called . He was sending his helper over to change out the security light . Wow . I hurried to dress . He was here about 8 : 30 . Light is replaced and I am assured it is working . The lawn guys were here at 8 : 45 . That 's taken care of . Don 't have to worry about that . Ghost # 1 was here at the appointed hour of 9 : 30 . I gave him the list of things to be done . His guys have the wall paper down in the breakfast room . That is a feat that I didn 't think could be accomplished . The sheet rock is even in tact . After 33 years , I was afraid they would be one piece . I gave him the laundry list of things to be done . I don 't know how much I 'll be able to afford since we will be getting a quote on Monday for new duct work , a / c unit , and heater for the downstairs . We also have to replace the 20 + year old pool filter - $ 3000 worth . We seem to be bleeding money these days . Along that line , I have come to accept selling the lake property . I just have to put my feelings about the place way out of my mind . That place IS my dad . I know it will be torn down . But with the things that need to be done around here , we could use the money . Besides , no one has been to the place in at least 3 years . We have to move on . I am excited about the change in my kitchen / breakfast however . I told daughter the color , and she didn 't like it . Oh well ! Peace . I don 't know if I may have gotten a terrible virus , worm , or other unwanted thing on the laptop - my workhorse , or what . I cannot access the internet on it . Even here on old Della , my main email source says it is having difficulties . I 'm not sure where the problem is . Plus I HATE working here in the office . I haven 't worked in here since I got Gertie . I guess that 's just the way the day is going . The contractor is still an unknown deal . I don 't know he is is going to show tomorrow or not . I know him and all . He did a wonderful job on daughter 's kitchen remodel . I don 't know if it is because the woman across the street was going to use him and didn 't . He thinks she is a loon . We are not all loons on this street ! ! Honest . I need to call the electrician - again . He tried to come out around Easter - when we were gone / The last time he was going to come , we had the monsoon . So I guess I 'll call - again - since it might be that I am caught here for the next two days . I love living a planned life - at least I think I would if I knew what one was ! Peace . No , wait . Probably not . This has been a saga going on since November . Daughter was going to have the contractor ( since become good friend ) come to take down my 35 year old wall paper in the breakfast room , texture and paint it . That was to be a Christmas present . I was set to do it , but much water has passed under the bridge since I first considered that job . In fact , I have the rolls of wallpaper sitting in my bedroom that I was going to use . Well , wallpaper has gone out of vogue around these parts , so I decided I would paint . With my shoulders that really isn 't an option , and the knees will scream loudly after an insult like that . This kills me because I have always been one to pull out the rollers , et al and go to it . Anyway , V has always had an excuse - other jobs - for not getting here . Well , the economic downturn has caused his business to slow . So - I thought he would be here on Thursday and Friday . Little does he know , but my job for him has grown . We have some boards that need to be replaced around the house , I would like to have pull out drawers installed in my pantry ( especially ) and cabinets . I just can 't get on the floor anymore to get to those low shelves . I want a step put on my front porch and a tile overlay on that . G decided to have him look at the fence . It is getting really rickety . Let 's just say we have some work . But if he doesn 't get here soon , there won 't be any money left in the trough . We already have to have the pool filter replaced . It is only 20 + years old . I think it has run its course . Yesterday we had the air conditioners checked for the summer . Guess what ! We need an entirely new system for downstairs - ac , furnace AND ductwork . My , my . Things just get better and better . So excitement about getting the contractor has once again turned to a waiting game . I may be painting this room after all ! Peace . The weekend did not go as planned . There were several reasons for that , but still . . . Things just didn 't happen like I hoped . Friday and Saturday were monsoons . We were 4 inches below normal rainfall . Not any more . We are about . 15 of an inch . Needless to say , the trip to the grocery store was not in the cards . So that meant we had to go on the day I hate grocery shopping the very most - Sunday . Sunday grocery shoppers are like Sunday drivers . No place to go and all day to get there . It is such a trial for me to go to the grocery in the first place , I want to get in and get out - fast . I am really thinking about using one of the motorized carts , but I just fight that . So I am in real pain about half way through . We have two stores of the same chain near us , but the one closest is bigger than the one I go to so I don 't go there . ( Follow that contorted sentence ? ? ) I swear if I could order groceries for a reasonable price to be delivered I really think I would do that . But then I think about someone else buying the produce and meat , and the idea doesn 't seem as viable . And produce and meat are the majority of my purchase . Hmmm . The kids were expected Sunday for dinner . That was not easy this time because my whole weekend routine was off . So I decided on something " easy . " I found a new recipe for pulled pork with a strawberry BBQ sauce . It was far more work than I anticipated . But they liked it - even Monkey Boy who doesn 't like anything I fix because I don 't load it with ketchup . Speaking of Monkey Boy , he usually has nothing to do with me . Ever since we were at the SSB , he has been my " best friend . " He was so good and loving last night . I wonder what 's wrong with him ? ? ? To put the icing on the cake , Simone was acting as though she was going to vomit all evening . I was late giving her the antacid pills . I gave it to her , and husband immediately fed her saying I told him to . Talk about reverse selective hearing . He was going to feed her - period . So he said I said it was OK . Not . So we ( Simone and I ) enjoyed each other ' sPosted by I just got off of the phone with daughter . I asked what she was doing . She said she was waiting for her husband to get home . I asked where he was . She replied he was coming home from a golf tournament . A what ? ! ! ! People - our weather since 3 PM yesterday - has been stormy with heavy rains ( yes Judy - toad stranglers ) , lightning and thunder . Who is their right mind would put their fannies out on a cow pasture carrying metal sticks ? Do they want to be lightning rods ? As you can probably read between the lines , I am not a golfer . I don 't see much to it . Don 't give me the exercise line either . If you want exercise , get off the cart . I asked if they played at all , and Daughter replied they managed to get 4 holes . They didn 't want to lose their money . Um , I think I value my life more than a few dollars I paid to chase that little ball . Have a good rest of the weekend . Tomorrow looks to be a better day around these parts . Peace . Whine , whine , whine . That 's my real mood today . I am not going to spend much time here with it all because I am just out of cheese to go with it . So here is a brief list of my whining . Simone had a bad night last night . She was showing signs of being nauseated at bed time ( of course ) . She woke at 1 and gagged until about 4 . So sleep deprivation for mom . The electrician seems to only be able to come when we are gone to replace the security light . When we went to the SSB last Friday , he called . He called again on Monday . We weren 't here . He said Thursday ( yesterday ) or Friday ( today ) . Didn 't call yesterday , and today we are expecting a toad strangling rain with associated possible tornadoes and hail . Doubt he will be here today either . There are good things going on around me , I just can 't see them right now . My vision is blocked by this other bull . Peace . Tuesday was a really busy day for me . I had booked two doctor 's appointments in the same day . Not a fun thing to do . The first was with the optometrist . It was time for my annual check up . Several years ago ( 10 - 15 ? ) I was diagnosed with glaucoma . For years I religiously put drops in my eyes . And for several years , the pressures remained pretty constant . I wasn 't really surprised that I got that diagnosis . My mother was also diagnosed with glaucoma . Then the medical world advanced . It was discovered that people 's eyes ( mostly women I think ) can have thickened corneas that mimic glaucoma . Guess what ? My corneas are thickened . That little fact saves me $ 50 a month ( thank you drug insurance for being there ) . But it also means I really don 't worry about blindness - as much . Take the hearing if you must , but please leave my sight . Daughter , come to find out , has the same problem . She is 35 and her eyes are worse than mine . So I believe that my mother didn 't have glaucoma either . Daughter , husband and I all see the same doctor now , and we love her . The afternoon brought the appointment in my search for a new primary physician . After being my doctor for 33 years , my other one retired . Can you believe that ! ! Anyway , son in law , daughter and husband have gone to Dr A and like him . On the advice of my nurse from the insurance company , I made the well - woman ( like well baby ) appointment . I LOVE this new guy . You can easily talk to him . Plus he is not one of those weight gurus . He has problems with his weight too ! He KNOWS what a struggle it is . In fact he shared with me that he is a heart patient ( don 't like that - don 't want to lose him ) , has 5 stints , but hasn 't seen his cardio doc because he has gained weight . That sounds like a normal person . I want to urge him to see his doc because , like I said , I don 't want to lose him . So my eyes are good to go - didn 't even need a new script for glasses , and the new doc is great . All 's right with the world . This morning Simone had another bout of nausea . So we were off to the vet 's office Grandma K Our weekend could not be contained in just one post ! So here is part 2 of my adventure . Saturday was overcast with cold winds blowing . We had decided that " Easter " would occur on Saturday since the kids were going home on Sunday . Lady Bug has had some quirky illnesses this school year , so she shouldn 't miss more school . Our district would like to start school again two weeks after it lets out in May , but the state made them wait until late August . They took a lot of the holidays away this year to meet the state mandate , and that included the Monday after Easter . The guys went to the metropolis of Doss on Saturday to get deer feed . That metropolis consists of a church , cemetery , store , school , and a community club building . All occupied by distant family members of mine . The joke was that we would all load up to go because they have the world best hamburgers there ! But we didn 't . While they were gone , I put the kites for the older kids together . In doing so , I really made a mess of Lady Bug 's . I haven 't put a kite together in 20 years . They are so much more simpler now . I ended up cutting the string , so I had to unravel it all . Of course , as I was taking it back in , it would snarl . What a mess ! After lunch , the " eggs " were hidden by the barn / garage . The pinata was ready to hang . Out we went . Daughter must have bought the industrial strength pinata . It took a beating and kept ticking ! They finally broke it ( before it broke our lights out there ) , and we got the kites out . Monkey Boy enjoyed his well enough . He was a typical boy and kept letting the string out more and more . We have the perfect site for kite flying . It is void of trees and everything else . Lady Bug was more conservative in her kite flying , and she kept hers up a long time after Monkey gave up . His giving up on the kite gave the " big kids " a chance . They were like little kids . They had not flown kites since they were kids and enjoyed it as much as their children . The day continued being drab and winds . The temperatures were around the low 60 's all day . The wPosted by OK , the weekend was to be the SSB with a little twist - Easter and three of the grandchildren there ( with parents of course ) . It was supposed to be kind of normal . I wasn 't filled with any dread at all . Until . . . We were getting ready to load Simone in the green beast , and G asked if I had the letter the realtor sent about the lake house having been " severely vandalized . " I first thought that would be for the return trip on Monday . Not that I relished it more on Monday rather than Friday . Nope - we were going on Friday . He called the Sheriff 's office before we left to be sure that he was to call when we arrived . So off we went . My stomach was doing backflips and cartwheels the entire three hour trip . We got there . The trees had overgrown the drive . We had to park almost in the street . When he got out , he said he was going in . He got out the pistol - just to be sure there wasn 't anyone in there . When he came back to the truck he told me I didn 't want to go in . No s * it Sherlock ! I didn 't want to be there . If you don 't face things , they will go away , right ? ? I could hear the door crunch on broken glassware . I took Simone for a short walk . In the side yard were two lamps from upstairs . I didn 't look with great detail . We headed for the garage area . I was amazed that the door was still shut even though there was a panel out . With nosey rosie Simone , I couldn 't really see in , but it looked rather unchanged . G took pictures of the damage while waiting for the Sheriff . When he got there , he took a statement and pictures giving us a case number . Cutting to today - our insurance is not in effect if the house was not occupied 30 days before something happened . I just love insurance . We called the realtor . She is going to see about getting someone to clean out all the broken stuff and fix the broken windows and glass door . In the mean time , we discovered some of the neighbors had noticed people around . They didn 't call police . Thanks . The funny part of this is that this time there was more furniture stolen . We took our 25 year Posted by Here I sit . I had two different people set to come to the house today . One , who has already been here , as I expected , was to close up little openings that the squirrels have gnawed to get into the attic . And some people find them so cute . They are nothing but rats with fluffy tails . I really don 't like them at all . They have cost me a bundle over the years . The other is Sal * ation Army to pick up our old " entertainment center . " Not really much of one , but it was really serviceable . I didn 't realize just how much it held until we were getting the obsolete video tapes out of it . Now I have piles and piles of them sitting around . The entertainment center was replaced by the new fancy flat screen . I thought daughter would take it , but they decided against it . I told her it would be a great place for Doodle Bug to put her toys in . She has the biggest bedroom ( but she still sleeps with mom and dad ) . They thought it was too big . They were going to help me load it to take to a center . That was at least a month and a half ago . But . . . So there is sat beside my fireplace blocking one way to get to the front door . So here I sit waiting . But it 's just as well . I am working on my newest addiction - downloading machine embroidery files . I have about 200 that I need to go through to change the format if needed and put into folders where I might find them again . I bought a new program to help with that . It said it went through 10000 files . It said some of those were duplicates however . ( Yes , I have an addictive personality . ) I also am hurting today - a lot . The weather is muggy and threatening rain , so that may be part of the problem . The other is I made my foray to the grocery store yesterday . I had to make the entire store . I am so out of shape that I am really paying for it today . At least those things must be the problem . We are getting ready to make the pilgrimage to the SSB tomorrow . I found kites for the older kids since the winds always blow up there . We don 't have the anemometer installed yet , so I don 't know the exact spPosted by We belong to a religion that believes in infant baptism . My son was a member of this religion and his wife was too . That is before they joined an interdenominational church . With the birth of Wiggle Worm , I wondered what they were going to do about him . " Pa " asked that Sunday night after they got here from a service where a baby was given over to the Lord . Daughter in law said that WW would be in May . Pa said something to the effect that that doesn 't save them . Then a discussion of the " iinnocent souls " of babies insued . I don 't have much to say . I wasn 't baptized until I was 11 . That was because at the time we attended a church that didn 't do infants . When I was 11 I joined my current religion . I must say , it is rather strange to be baptized when all the others are babies . I really wish WW would be baptized . It is one of the tenets of my religion . But then I wish son and dil were still members of the same religion . I found out recently that my goofy old piano teacher was right . All my ancestors on my dad 's side ( with the exception of his mother ) were of that religion , and when they came from Germany , they were among the builders of the church in the Alamo City where I was confirmed . But everyone has the right to chose . If they feel a church is right for them , then it is . Peace . There are so many things I don 't want to deal with . I like to hide from them , and pretent they simply don 't exist . I think that 's part of my terrible tendency to proscrastinate . I just don 't want to deal with something . I feel overwhelmed by something . Or it 's a new situation I don 't want to handle . That 's kind of the way I feel about the property that has been vandalized . I tried to link to April 2 , but I don 't know how . Anyway , I got dear husband to email the realtor . I finally told him that I didn 't want to face it . She replied . The door is standing open . She looked inside , and things are all broken up . It apparently has been going on for some time . She said her cousin lives next door now . My question is why the neighbors allow this to be happening . I don 't expect them to be watch dogs , but I believe in watching out for my neighbors . Apparently they don 't . There has to be some noise coming from activities there . I really am not putting responsibility with them , but I would want this type of thing out of my neighborhood . I know one thing however . " Resort " property like this attracts unsavory people . All kinds of folks live around there . Some are retired military . Some are the basest trash you have ever seen . Guess what lives mostly around that house . I live in a " trailer " at the SSB . I don 't really think people who do are trash , but those that are located behind our house there . . . I 'll leave it to your imagination . Of course , we live in an upper middle class neighborhood here in Swampland . These kids could do things like this if they had too much time on their hands . I just don 't know anymore . The fact that I don 't want to face it still hasn 't changed , but it looks like I will have to this weekend either on the way to the SSB or on the way home . My stomach is churning . My insurance , while taking lots and lots of my money , really has stepped up to the plate . During all the treatments and surgeries , between the physicians and them , my treatments cost me nothing really . Now , the reconstruction has begun to cost some , but really it 's not too bad - except for one little ( $ 1000 ) thing - which is another story . They have a program for us that I decided to take advantage of . It is a nurse manager and then a nutritionist . I was really doubtful at first . I wasn 't sure I would like this at all . The nurse really gave me some good ideas , and she also suggested the nutritionist . With great dread , I awaited the call of the nutritionist . I just knew I would get the Hitler of that ilk . I thought she would tell me to lightly graze on two leaves of lettuce a day and just suck it up . She didn 't ! She was so supportive . She understood . She didn 't accuse me of being a week willed creatin . I told her that I lost a lot of weight before , and I did At * ins . No carbs . I made the mistake in February of a " free trial " of South B * ach . I have another name for them now , but I try to keep this space clean . My " free trial " cost me $ 200 . On their site , in the FAQ section , they STATE they will happily return any portion of the fee if you are not satisfied . DON ' T BELIEVE IT . They lied . They , unlike Weight Watchers ( which I also tried the week trial ) , make you call an 800 number . Now , that number is always busy , so you have to sit for a long time waiting on hold . I wasn 't too worried about being absolutely sure I canceled it during that week of free trial because of their policy . Then , when I tried to cancel , they said they sent me a email offering a " special " for a year . They said I approved the " specially priced " yearly membership , and that cannot be canceled during that year . No refund . The had not been sending me any emails prior to me calling . Now I get one a day . I searched my " trash " bin for an email . I didn 't find one . This is a case of " he said - she said " and I 'm the one who loses . The only reason I being this upPosted by What is the best thing to follow bad news , why more bad news , of course . And that 's what happened yesterday . I was about to exit from the computer yesterday . I had just dealt with a Pay Friend phishing email . I had just reported it , and another message came into my inbox . It was from my cousin 's daughter . Bill was the last cousin I have been close to . He was at least 25 years older than I , but he and my family remained close . He loved my mother so much . His kids are closer to my age - which makes sense . But I was always close to Bill . I have two remaining cousins , but there was never any real closeness - partially due to my aunt , their mother . The email from Bill 's daughter was telling me of his death yesterday at 6 : 30 AM . I am really saddened by this . Again , I was thinking he would live forever . There were so many things left unsaid . Left unasked ( about the family ) . We mostly communicated by emails . I had noticed that the frequency had dropped off , but I didn 't think too much about it . We were completely polar in our politics - and I will just leave it there . We may not have agreed about things like that , but I still respected him . He had lead a very interesting life . Bill , I will miss you . Peace . I just don 't get it . Just what joy is there in destroying other people 's possessions ? It is a thrill of some sort ? Is it some kind of natural high ? My dad and mom built ( almost from the ground up ) a little house at one of the lakes on the outskirts of the hill country back in 1964 . Before my mother died ( and I mean almost right up to the very end ) they planned to retire there . Unfortunately , they placed the house in a really bad place . They were after seclusion . So they put the house toward the back of the lot . For years , there were no houses around the house . It got to be that every time we got to the house , it had been broken into . A normal way for the house was to have at least one window boarded up because someone had broken it out to gain access to the house . Then Henry and his wife built a beautiful home next door . The big plus , in addition to them just being there , is they had a dog . If someone was around our house , their dog would bark spurring Henry to turn on lights which would usually run the perps off . As time went on , Henry 's wife got Alzheimer 's . About ten years ago , she died from the disease . That left Henry there alone . But he stayed , and that fact kept the baddies at bay . When my dad died , I was really tied to the house . When Lady Bug was born on January 2001 , that 's where we stayed waiting for her birth ( two weeks - the docs said it could be any day ) in the cold . The house was never well insulated . The house had such meaning to me . He crafted all the cabinets . He built the dining table . It was him - totally . About three years , Henry had the nerve to die on us . He was 92 - like my dad . Can you believe ? Now I 'll be more serious . It happened . His house was now empty . There was no one to help run off the baddies . I still don 't understand how the people across the street don 't see these bums . I acknowledge it would be difficult , but I think they could see something . But they don 't . Two years ago , I walked into a mess . Again , we had been broken into . This time , they stole furniture and pictures on the wallsPosted by I am a biologist by training . I appreciate the wonders of nature . When my children were born , I was a bit in awe of their births . It IS an amazing thing . Creating a new being from something so very small . When my first three grandchildren were born , I felt much the same thing . I was in awe of the simple miracle of life . When this fourth little boy was born however , I have experienced a completely new feeling . Every time I look at him and hold him , I marvel at how something so incompletely formed could live with us frail humans in charge . I know there are a lot of animals born out there that are in such a incomplete state . I guess I give the animal world more credit than I do to humans . Not too long ago , a newborn was found in a discarded washing machine at the trash area of an apartment complex . A little girl , umbilical cord still attached , was found wrapped in a plastic garbage sack stuffed into that washer . It was a warmish day , not really hot , but in a plastic bag in a closed container , I would imagine it could get hot very quickly . Perhaps that ended up aiding her survival . When I hear Wiggle Worm cry , especially as a new born ( only hours old ) , his cry was feeble at best . This other little girl was located because she was able to make her cry heard . That was a miracle right there . She was taken to the hospital , and last I heard , she was doing well placed in the foster care system . Back to WW . I marvel at him , and really all newborns . They manage , mostly , to not only survive but flourish . I watch him discover his arms . You can see he really wants to know what those things at the ends of those arms are , but he just hasn 't made those neural connections - yet . All he can do is squirm a bit and cry . He cannot do anything else . What fragile little beings come to us . I never felt like this with any of the others . I really don 't know why . Perhaps my life experiences of late have changed me . I don 't know . I continue to look at him and marvel . How completely helpless he is . What a wonder . . . Peace . I was a woman who dreaded the thought of getting older and becoming a grandmother . Now being a grandmother is one of my greatest joys . Time changes us all . Hopefully for the better . Retirement is the greatest thing in the world - I wish I could have done it at 23 . |
This has been quite the year . On February 14 , I found out that I was pregnant . I was 4 weeks pregnant , and I had suspected I was pregnant for about 2 weeks . I was generally just not feeling good but no pregnancy test would come back positive that early . I was very excited , because I knew that I was supposed to have one more baby . I was blessed with my daughter 's birth on Oct 5 . On Mar 17 , my son turned 8 . He was baptized that day . It was also our last complete day that we would spend in Olean . We would leave the next day for parts unknown . . . it was supposed to be NV , but we ended up in UT . I believe this is where we are supposed to be . My husband loves his job here and my sister loves her job , and I loved my job . I made some very good friends while I was working , people I hope to always have in my life . I am currently self - employed , working from home doing orders for the company I used to work for . When we arrived in Utah , my other brother - in - law and sister - in - law opened their house to us and let us stay until we found a place to live . It took us a few days , but we did it . It was very kind of them to do this for us . When we were moving from NY , my sister asked me what I was looking most forward to , I said meeting my sister - in - law and my new nephew . We moved into our apartment on Mar 24 . We had many people help us , people that we didn 't even know . People from the Church ward we would be attending helped us out , even though we had never met . It was wonderful the service that was given . We have wonderful people in our ward . We live in a 3rd floor apartment . If I had been thinking , I would have insisted on a 1st floor , because I worry about the children falling over the balcony or something . I know , I have anxiety issues . The children aren 't allowed on the balcony . On Apr 30 , my daughter turned 7 . We had my brother - in - law and sister - in - law as well as their children over to celebrate with us . We had done a combined party for my 7 and 8 year - old before we moved , so they could enjoy their birthday with their friends back east . I started feeling like I had bug bites in mid June . I was wondering how the mosquitoes got in and why they were choosing me as their prey . It was about the time that my Mom and my Aunt Georgia came to southern Utah to visit . We met them down in St George . We enjoyed a couple days together and then we had to return to where we lived . It was wonderful to see them again . I knew by the end of June that something was quite wrong . I saw a doctor and explained that it was the same thing I had in my last pregnancy . I had been diagnosed with severe eczema and folliculitis . The doctor decided I had folliculitis . He gave me antibiotics . It continued to get worse . I finally went to a dermatologist . He did a biopsy , then another to confirm the first . I was diagnosed with Pemphigoid Gestationis . This is a pregnancy rash that occurs in 1 in 50 , 000 pregnancies . It is very rare . I was placed on Prednisone , and I continue to take it now . When I get to 10 mg , it gets worse again . I am at 10 mg again now , and am hoping to just continue to survive the itching and it will adjust . We shall see . My husband found his current job in mid May . He interviewed while my sister , my children and I were in Washington state for my brother 's 40th birthday . My husband started work on May 31 . It was a wonderful thing . I had initially planned to stop working when he started , but I loved my work and my co - workers so I continued to work until 9 days before my baby was born . My sister , my children and I flew to NY on Aug 11 . They didn 't know we were making the flight until the night before we left . We were surprising everyone at home . . . except Mom knew . It was wonderful to get home ( to NY ) again and see the family . I will never forget the looks on their faces when they saw us . Bob gave the children all a really big hug , he was the first one we saw . Then Dad . . . then Roland and my nephew . . . then Jim and Colette . Susan and Mom picked us up in Cleveland . That night , the boys softball team had won their division championship . We missed it by a few minutes . The next morning Breann came over with my nieces . We were home for City Cup weekend . Colette 's team won the Women 's City Cup . I was so proud to be there , and Colette did so well . . . I think she won it for the team . It was a sad day , Aug 20 , when we had to head home . We drove the van back . The kids did amazing on the long days in the van . The children started 2nd and 3rd grade the day after we got home from NY . They were supposed to start the week before , but we wanted to see the family . My daughter has the teacher that my son had last year . She is a wonderful teacher , and my daughter loves her . She is a wonderful teacher . I haven 't had the opportunity to meet my son 's teacher yet , as parent - teacher conference was the week that I had the baby , but she seems to be a caring teacher . The best thing that happened this year was the birth of my daughter . She is such a good baby . All of my children have been . She was born at 9 : 46 am , weighing 6 lbs 3 oz and 18 . 5 inches long . She was such a tiny little thing . She has grown so much . She now smiles at us and is very interactive . She is on the verge of laughing . She discovered her feet the other day , which was cute . She couldn 't help but keep looking at them . She had a zebra outfit on , and each foot had a little zebra on it . She was really trying to figure it out . She loves bath time . She had a bit of the rash transferred at birth , but it cleared up quickly and didn 't seem to bother her . My mom came out to visit from Oct 9 to Nov 2 . It was wonderful to have her here for that long . We stayed up together and found new shows that we enjoy watching . " Chopped " and " Sweet Genius " on the Food Network . " Psych " on USA or Ion . We also watched a lot of sports , whether it was college basketball , football or the World Series . Having Mom here made it possible for me to get some much needed sleep . I think she left here sleep deprived . She made the children chocolate chip pancakes frequently . She cleaned my house . She drove me and the children around . She cooked for us . It was so hard to say goodbye to her again . For Halloween , my 8 year - old was Mario , my 7 year - old was an Indian Princess , my 3 year - old was a bumble bee , my newborn was an angel , and my husband was dressed in the outfit they gave him to come in the c - section room with me . I was just me . I don 't get dressed up . We went to a trunk - or - treat . . . I left the baby with my mom . We gave out 3 Musketeers , Kit - Kats , Reese 's Peanut Butter Cups , and Tootsie Rolls . When those were gone , we came home and the children went out and I stayed with Mom and the baby . My 3 year - old started school on Nov . 2 . He has wanted to start school since he was 2 . It was a great day for him . He loves school and always wants to go . He isn 't a huge fan of the Christmas break . He got a Toy Story backpack . He loves that he gets a snack at school . We had our first snowfall of the fall on November 5 . It was quite substantial . I had to clean off the car before I went to pick up my sister from the airport , as she had spent the week up in Washington watching my brother 's children . We haven 't had much snow this fall / winter . . . knock on wood . Hope it stays that way . I am no fan of snow . It was in the 40s for Christmas : ) We spent Thanksgiving at home . My husband had to work , so we ate when he got home . He brought my kids to my in - laws for dessert and my sister and I had a piece of pie at home . Somehow I managed to lose weight the week of Thanksgiving . I am doing Weight Watchers currently . We will see next week how Christmas and New Years fared on the waistline . My youngest son turned 4 on Dec 20 . We got him a cake , hot dogs and chips the Saturday before . He wanted his cake to have Gummy Bears and eyeballs . We got a cake that had a poinsettia flower on it ( the eyeball ) and bought gummy bears and put them on the cake . On the 20th , we brought them to an indoor playground and had pizza and pop . For Christmas Eve , we did the traditional stuff . My sister and husband brought the kids to see " The Adventures of Tin - Tin . " I stayed home with the baby . She had been up til 4 am . Then we went and ate pizza at NYPD pizza and went and looked at Christmas lights . Santa came while we were gone . The children opened all their gifts . They appreciated everything they got . My brother - in - law brought my nieces over on Christmas . It was wonderful to see them . My 14 year - old niece loved to hold the baby . She is very good with her . I could not believe how much the girls have grown up . They are wonderful young women . The 9 year - old niece did very well playing ( wrestling ) with my 4 year - old . I kept telling him to leave her alone , but she said she didn 't mind . Tonight we plan to celebrate New York New Years . I don 't want to keep the children up til midnight . We will have shrimp , fudge , cheese , crackers , cheese ball , M & M 's , and sparkling grape juice . The worst thing in 2011 was needing to say goodbye to my family . Many of them planned to move out here this year , but they are having a hard time selling their houses . The economy is horrible . I look forward to all of us being together again ! Merry Christmas ! Today was a wonderful day . The baby stayed up til 5 am this morning , she was up til 4 am yesterday . My sister sat up with her this morning while I got a few winks of sleep . I woke up at 10 : 35 am , church starts at 11 . It was quite interesting . I managed to get my hair done , my daughter 's hair done , get dressed , get the baby dressed , and only be a couple minutes late to church . I was quite impressed with myself . We did the family tradition yesterday . Well , the baby and I missed the movie , but everyone else went . Then we went out for pizza , came home and cleaned so Santa would not be disappointed , then went and looked at Christmas lights . While we were looking at Christmas lights , Santa came . We got home and the kids opened gifts . They were so happy with everything they got . It was wonderful to see the sparkle in the children 's eyes as they opened the gifts . They showed gratitude with every one they opened . I am so thankful for my children . I am so thankful for my family and for everyone that made this Christmas as nice as it was . We had some people give us gifts anonymously . I am not sure if they read this or not , but if so , thank you so much ! My brother - in - law and my nieces came over to visit this afternoon . It was wonderful to see them again . I haven 't seen my nieces in several years . They have grown up into wonderful girls and one is a great young woman . She enjoyed getting to hold the baby . It was nice to see them again , and I hope to be able to visit with them before they go back home . The children enjoyed getting to play with their cousins . We are blessed to have had our Savior , Jesus Christ , born to make our return to Heavenly Father possible . He marked the way for us to return . He showed by example those things that we are to do . He is a perfect man . He lived his life serving others , He did not care if people were rich or poor , short or tall , fat or thin . He lived for all . He loved all . He died for all . He was resurrected for all . He took all our sins and felt all our pain . Today is a wonderful day to remember all He has done for us . I am grateful for all He did . at This morning I kissed my 4 year - old for the first time . He woke up and I told him Happy Birthday and gave him a big kiss . I then asked him what he wanted for breakfast , he didn 't want anything , he wanted the DS . I located that and let him play . A few minutes later , he decided he was hungry . I asked what he wanted and wanted Rice Chex . That is my favorite cereal of all time . I practically live on it . I went and got him a bowl of Rice Chex and he ate a lot of it . Then he decided he wanted me to feed him . I thought it was the least I could do for his birthday . We sat on the couch as I fed him and his baby sister . He played the DS a lot today . He sat close to me and had me read the different things to him as they would pop up on the screen . I don 't really understand the games , but I guess it is good to know what the things say . At about 2 pm , we decided to see if the van would start . It has been having battery problems lately . It started , so we headed off to the doctor 's office so the baby could get her shots . When we arrived back at the house , it was bathtime so they would be ready for pictures . The baby and him had a bath . We always do birthday pictures . I decided we would get one of the four kids together . I made the appointment yesterday . We arrived about 25 minutes early . The appointment was at 5 at Wal - Mart . We were done with pictures by 5 : 10 . This is the first time we ever finished so quickly . I was happy ! After the appointment , we headed to the indoor play center . We got a pizza and pitcher of soda ( root beer ) for his birthday . The kids played and I sat at the table with the baby . It was nice to be there again with the children . We celebrated his birthday on Saturday , but it was nice to do something with him on his actual date of birth . I think he had a good day ! My 7 year - old daughter got a balloon and then my 4 year - old announced that he gets everything on his birthday . Didn 't really seem to work out that way ! My 3 year - old will turn 4 on Tuesday . So hard to believe ! He is such an amazing little fella . I have been blessed with 2 amazing little fellas and 2 amazing little girlies . We celebrated his birthday today . He wanted a cake with gummy bears and eyeballs . My sister and I set out to fulfill this wish . We went to Macey 's ( a grocery store in the area ) and purchased a small cake . When I say small , I think it was no more than 4 inches in diameter and 2 layers . It was a white cake with butter cream frosting . The cake had a giant poinsettia flower on the top . . . thus the eyeball . We bought some gummy bears and put them all over the cake . My sister and husband brought the 3 older children to the indoor play area and I stayed home with the baby . They were gone for about an hour and then returned home . During that time , I did some work on my computer . When they returned home , we put the gummy bears on the cake and then sang Happy Birthday . He opened his gifts . He got a Webkinz Tree Frog , a race track with 2 cars ( the big hit of the party ) , and a set of his own anti - plastic dishes , made from corn and dishwasher safe , by Zoe b Organic . For supper , he wanted hot dogs , potato chips and strawberries . That is what he got . I also bought black olives because I know he loves them . He ended up eating most of them , which is fine . He had a horrible time trying to open his hot dog bun . The top half ripped apart , which frustrated him . Luckily , bread can be squished back together . So that is what I did . I then put his hot dog in the bun for him . He could eat hot dogs and strawberries all day if I let him . Yesterday he ate 4 hot dogs right out of the package . That is something I did as a child , but I couldn 't imagine doing it now ! My sister and I went and picked up a few things at the mall this afternoon . It was packed . We got a good parking spot though . It is crazy how busy it gets this close to Christmas . We also wrapped gifts this morning . This evening we went on a walk around a . 47 mile track . It was getting dark so we only did one lap . We will have to go earlier next time . I gained 1 . 4 pounds this week . It doesn 't make any sense to me because I am sticking with my points . I just think I am fighting a losing battle with Prednisone . I guess it is better that I lose it and then gain it , than just keep gaining . I look so forward to when I can finally be done with the medication ! I think I need to discuss the weight gain with the doctor and see if there is any way to counteract it . We shall see ! I am currently a cloth diapering mommy . It is going well and is saving us money . I would recommend cloth diapering to any parent who have a child or children in diapers . They have come a long way since the cloth diapers I remember when I was a child . A fellow blogger " Midnight Mommy " is looking for mothers who use cloth diapers to give an honest review . Please click here to read more about possibly reviewing cloth diaper products , if you are interested . Thank you ! My daughter recently had her Christmas concert . She had been practicing 3 mornings a week . My 8 year - old son had also been going . For whatever reason , he decided not to sing in the concert . I was able to go and watch the rehearsal during school hours , and then my husband went that evening and watched . It was very impressive . When I walked in to the room where they were rehearsing , it took me a couple of minutes to spot my daughter . I looked up and down the risers until I found her . She must have seen me right away , because once I found her , I smiled and waved . She smiled and waved back . My 7 year - old daughter loves to sing . She will sing in the bathtub , shower , in bed , wherever she is , she will sing . She told my mom that she wants to sing a solo at school . I have no doubt that will happen . She sings well , and she has that outgoing personality that she could just get up there and belt out a song without thinking twice . I am the opposite . I would see all the people sitting out there and possibly start to cry . I wouldn 't really cry , but I don 't think I would be able to move my mouth . They would be thankful , since I am not a good singer anyway . They sang several fun songs for the concert . I think most of them were the usual . . . Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer , I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus , Jingle Bell Rock , and a few others . She stood up there with a big smile on her face and sang . I would have enjoyed watching my son sing too , but I can 't make him sing if he doesn 't want to . She would like to be a professional singer someday . I tell her she can do anything she wants . I am proud of her for sticking with something she loves . We went to a grocery store today and they had Santa Claus there . My 7 year - old and 3 year - old were with me . They both got a picture with him . We have to go back to get the pictures . It certainly is getting close to Christmas . This is an exciting time of year . I lost 1 pound this week . I was happy . If I average a pound a week , I will be to my ideal weight according to Weight Watchers , in 51 weeks . That will work for me . I am still taking Prednisone , so every pound I lose is an effort . at I think we all know some Ghost Stories . I don 't know of anyone that hasn 't had a dear friend or sibling tell at least one . My kids have told each other some . In thus doing , they scared themselves as well as each other . There were many nights when both of my children would wake up and come wandering to where I was sleeping . I knew quickly what was going on . Someone else talked about ghosts . The question was who . This time it was my oldest son . He not only managed to scare his sister , but he scared himself too . Although he knew he was making it up , it still scared him . We live in an apartment complex . He had her ( and himself convinced ) that one of the empty apartments was haunted . I offered to bring them to the apartment and let them see that it wasn 't haunted . They wouldn 't even show me which one it was . I guess they didn 't want to go anywhere near it . When I was younger , there was the China Doll . My mom had one . It was in the attic . So , upon hearing the story about the China Doll , I never wanted to see that thing again . I would not go into the attic . Not at any price . I have no idea where that doll is now , neither does my mom . There was also " Now I 've Got Ya , Now I 'm Gonna Eat Ya . " In the end , you realize that it wasn 't as scary as they made it seem , but until the end , it was quite the scary story . It has been a couple months since they scared each other . I am hoping that it never happens again . I didn 't run yesterday . I did run today . I ran a mile . I walked . 41 miles after that . I was happy . I have no idea how long it took . I just wanted to complete a mile . I didn 't take Prednisone today . I am hoping that I don 't need to take it anymore . We shall see ! I itch , but if it goes away , I will not take it again . I am going to start out by saying that I have been morbidly obese in my life and I have been my ideal weight in my life . I am going to be honest and say that I have been obese more in my life than not . Right now , I am categorically in the obese section . I had a baby 2 months ago , today . She is an amazing little one and I wouldn 't change having her for the world , even if I never lose this weight , she is well worth it to me . In 2009 , I decided to take control of my weight . My brother and I joined a competition at the YMCA as a team . It was Jan . 2 and I weighed 233 . 4 . That isn 't the most I ever weighed in my life , but it was a lot more than I wanted to weigh . I am 5 ' 6 " tall . At this time , I had 3 children , born in Mar 2003 , Apr 2004 , and Dec 2009 . I lost 40 lbs right before I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child . Then I never lost the weight after him . I decided it was time . With my brother as my partner , I didn 't want to let him down . In the next 10 weeks , I managed to lose about 38 lbs . He lost closer to 50 . We came in second place . During this time though , I went to the YMCA daily , if not twice a day . I would get on the cardiovascular machines and go with all my heart . I would see glances in my direction sometimes from people that were fit , that would make me feel uncomfortable . All the people that worked at the YMCA were nothing but helpful . They did what they could to help me succeed . If I didn 't know how to use a machine , they would take the time to show me . I started running during this time . I was so happy when I first ran a quarter - mile . Since my brother was my partner , I called him first . So excited ! He was excited for me . That quarter - mile was the first of hundreds of miles I have logged on my feet . He was so supportive of me , he would call and see what I did and ate daily . I needed that accountability . As I watched The Biggest Loser one night , they made these people run a half - marathon , unaware . They found out that day that they would be running . I figured that if they could run a half - marathon , I I moved to a new city in March . I am 1900 miles away from the YMCA that I talked about . I think that it is important to try out different fitness centers . I have been to centers that were made for women only . The problem with that was that they didn 't seem to have as much as other fitness centers . I like to have a pool , free weights , a variety of cardiovascular machines . I know that there are fitness trainers that seem to abhor overweight people . I had one in my past . He tried to kill me , I really think he would have liked to see me dead . I chose him because I wanted someone that would push me to do my best . I think he pushed me to see if I would die . I couldn 't walk for a week . I didn 't die , but I did switch trainers . I would love to get back into shape and become a fitness trainer . I think it helps if someone has been through the challenges that those of us who have been or are overweight . I don 't wish it on people , but I think it helps people to be empathetic . I think that being overweight , we have to accept that there are people that are just going to be rude . We have to know that we will get mean glances and hear rude comments , but we shouldn 't let them ruin our desire to get fit . It is sad to think that we should expect these things , but I have lived through them before , and I will live through them again . At the end of the day , my family loves me regardless of everything , and that is what really matters . It is like I tell my loved ones . . . when I first started running , people would make rude comments and yell out asking why I even bother . Then they were probably the same ones yelling comments in approval after I had lost the weight . There are just people like that . at I know that it is Saturday , and I know that I should already know what we will be eating tomorrow , but I have no clue . I woke up and went to Weight Watchers this morning . . . gained . 4 pound . I then got in the car and drove back home . My husband had to be somewhere at 9 . I normally go to the grocery store right after Weight Watchers . Not this week , there was no time . My problem is I feel so blah . My throat hurts , chalking it up to post - nasal drip . I am exhausted . No reason in particular . I wake up and take care of my little one when she starts to stir . I don 't want her to think that I don 't hear her . She sleeps quite well most of the time . So , I sit here and write my blog instead of getting up , putting my jeans back on and heading to the store . I took a shower about 2 hours ago . Instead of getting re - dressed , I put my pajamas on . That was probably a bad idea . Once I get them on , I never want to take them off again the same day . My daughter is sound asleep on my chest , which is another wonderful reason not to move . My husband went to the gym with my 7 year - old daughter , another great reason to not leave . As you can see , I have a lot of good reasons not to leave . My most powerful reason to get up and go ? I need to get something to eat for tomorrow . We have food in the fridge , but not really anything that would go nicely together . The other problem , this is the weekend , and on the weekend , I allow myself to eat ice cream . I prefer Great Value Rocky Road . Why ? I love the chocolate covered almonds . . . they are like candy . They are really tasty ! We don 't have Rocky Road , we have mint chocolate chip . It just isn 't the same . I had a little earlier . I must get some Rocky Road ice cream . My daughter hates it . . . she likes Dreyer 's Rocky Road . She can have the mint chocolate chip : ) I think we will have pizza tomorrow , I will go and buy it tonight and cook it tomorrow . We will have the Wal - Mart pizza . Not the frozen pizza , but the pizza they keep refrigerated near the Deli . They also have cheesy breadsticks over there too . I am going to get those . I have never had them , but when I have seen them in the past , they have looked tasty . I also plan to get some lunch meat , so we can have sandwiches . Today my husband took my older two children to see " The Muppets . " They really enjoyed it . My sister took my youngest son to see " Arthur Christmas . " That was also good . Everyone seemed to like the movie they saw . I stayed home and watched football . I hung out with my baby girl . Now I am watching BYU vs Hawaii . BYU is losing . I 'd like to see them win . I 'd like to be there in person : ) I have never been to Hawaii , it is one of 5 states I haven 't made it to . Can anyone believe that it is December ? It is actually December 2nd now ! I don 't know where November went , but it went quickly ! I have 22 days to complete any Christmas shopping that I have to do . Our family tradition is to open gifts on Christmas Eve and leave Christmas Day to remember the reason for the season . Santa started coming to our house on Christmas Eve when I was around 7 years - old , it seems . I think my parents had a long conversation with him explaining that they didn 't appreciate getting up in middle of the night to open gifts . He listened and has followed through with making a stop at our house on Christmas Eve ever since . Christmas Eve is a wonderful day in the house . We go out for pizza , in NY it is always Pizza Hut . Here in UT , it will be somewhere else . The nearest dine - in Pizza Hut is over an hour away . Yes , UT consists of lots of take - out Pizza Huts . We are trying to decide what pizza place will be getting our business . It also depends on the weather that day . I am not going to travel too far in snow . We do have a favorite pizza place in Ogden that I would like to go to . Next , we see a movie . I am not sure I will be participating in the movie viewing this year . My baby will be a little under 3 months old and may not make movie viewing enjoyable to others . I missed the movie 4 years ago when I had a baby that was 4 days old . It is okay to miss the movie to make life better for other movie goers . After the movie , we hangout at home for a little while until it gets dark . We then go and look at Christmas lights . In NY , we would go to a park that they put a lot of decorations in and walk around . We would then drive up a hill and look down at the city . The city always seems magical that night . We then drive around town and look at lights that people have put up at their houses . Santa comes during this time so excitement builds up with the children ( and the adults ) with every house we see . We then return home and open gifts . It is wonderful to see the happiness in the children 's eyes with the gifts they open . Santa is a good man and his wife must be wonderful too ! We then have doughnuts and orange juice . By this time , we are usually so stuffed that we put the fudge and Hickory Farms Beef Stick on hold until Christmas . I love Christmas time . I am going to miss sharing it with my family back East . The tradition will continue here though . When I lived here several years ago , I made sure to keep it going , and that will not change . Just a reminder , please vote for The Dilleys at www . facebook . com / homedepot . They are my in - laws and could really use the help . You can read their story there as well . You will have to scroll past the pictures to find the button to vote . They are one out of nine families chosen for the Gift for Good for a $ 20K home makeover . You can vote daily through Dec 9 . Thank you ! I am a wife , mother , daughter and sister . These are the most important roles in my life . I enjoy blogging about my family and about my training for races . The training blog helps keep me motivated . |
Today I . . . . . . am not including a picture with my post because my pictures from last weekend are not uploaded yet and I 'm pretty tired . I 'll try and get that done tomorrow . . . . am still feeling kind of lonely after coming home from my Sweetheart 's , but we did have a wonderful time . . . . had a great time at my first choir practice of the season last night , we have a slight problem though . . . there are only five sopranos , including me , and I 'm the only 1st soprano . We 're also lacking tenors , so hopefully we 'll get a few more returning choristers or new recruits to help fill the void ! . . . had to buy groceries and do the laundry today because I was out of both food and clean clothes . . . . am looking forward to a quiet evening after work tomorrow ! Today I . . . . . . am counting down the hours until I get to hop on the train to Toronto to visit my Sweetheart . I 'm down to 14 hours and 23 minutes as I write this sentence and approximately 19 hours and five minutes until I actually get to see him , as long as the train is on time . . . it had darn well better be ! ! ! . . . left my place at 8 : 15 and punched in at work at 8 : 27 . Yahoo , lucky me I got a bus right away and there was hardly any traffic , even though most of the schools started up again this morning ! I could tell that school was back in again more on the way home though since my bus got stuck in traffic . I would have walked home as I usually do , but I was hoping to beat the rain I could see coming on my way out of work and make it to the pet supply store by taking the bus . That didn 't work out , so I ended up going to buy my bag of cat food after dinner . . . . had a crazy busy afternoon filled with an unexpected pilgrimage organizer coming in and wanting to book his pilgrimage for August 2011 , an unexpected group coming in and wanting to say mass in one of our chapels , a phone that wouldn 't stop ringing , schedules for tours in December to be made and data to be entered into our database . I got it all done by 4 : 30 on the nose and cleaned up my desk and felt like cartwheeling down the hill to the bus stop because I was so happy to be leaving . . . since it meant I was that much closer to going to Toronto to see my Sweetheart . . . . still need to vacuum , have my shower , wash the dishes , feed my lovely ladies ( my cats ) and my fish and pack my suitcase before going to bed . Uh . . . bed before Midnight ? Maybe . . . lol . . . am sharing this link to a video of the King 's College Boys ' Choir singing Lux Arumque , another of the pieces I 'm going to be singing at my Christmas Concert this year . The King 's College Choir is one of my absolute favorites and they do a marvelous job of singing this piece , I hope you enjoy it : o ) . . . am signing off for the weekend , I 'll be back on Monday or Tuesday , but my choir practices are starting up on Monday , so I can 't Posted by Today I . . . . . . am sharing another picture of Magique with you . Here she is , lying in my basket full of clean laundry two weeks ago . Do I mind when she does this ? Nah , not really . Magique hardly loses any hair at all , so I find this particular behavioral pattern of hers more cute than anything else : o ) . . . was very happy to see C come back to work looking rested and cheerful , she gave both D and I big hugs when she first saw us because she was so happy to see us . . . . had a fairly quiet day work - wise , or may just have felt that way because I didn 't have to do most of C 's work anymore ! . . . spoke with my Sweetheart for a half - hour . We started telling one another what we would like to do together over the weekend and , as always , realized that there are way too many things we want to do together , especially since we would like to have a quiet weekend . Dear me . . . lol Today I . . . . . . am sharing this Picture of Quinn and Magique , my mother and daughter pair of cats with you . I don 't know if I had shown you guys this picture before , but if I did , it was a long time ago so I 'm sharing it again . It 's one of my favorite pictures of my lovely ladies because it shows how close they are and have always been , since Magique is the only one of her five babies that Quinn got to keep and she is still very much aware that Magique is her daughter . This photo is from when Magique was about five months old I 'd say , because she was about mid - way through being full - grown . . . . am feeling better than I was last night , much better actually . . . . had loads of fun at lunch again , laughing away with X , K and L . K has the greatest laugh and when I hear her laugh , I just laugh right along with her and cannot stop . . . . was glad not to be the target of our full - moon crazy person feature for once . X and K got that honor . I 'm sure it will be my turn to run into a ' special ' person the next time the full moon comes along , the Oratory always gets one or two of them a week , but every once in a while the full moon seems to bring out the real special ones , ask anyone who works at the Oratory , they 'll tell you a story or two . . . . . . got a call from a man wanting to bring some pilgrims over from Montpellier , France for Brother Andre 's canonization . It took me about a minute to be able to understand his accent ! . . . allowed myself the luxury of a soak in the bath followed by a facial when I got home from work . What a world of good it did me : o ) Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of some lovely orchids that I saw on my way to the butterfly exhibit at the Botanical Gardens way back in February . . . . had a heck of a time getting myself out of bed this morning . I was so tired and I couldn 't figure out why and still can 't . Oh well , hopefully I 'll get over it if I manage to make it to bed at a decent hour tonight , but that 's always a bit hard for me as I seem to be genetically engineered to be a semi - night owl . I 'm meant to go to bed around Midnight , which does not work out well when I have to be up and at ' em at 7 : 00 A . M . to go to work . . . . cooked something new for dinner ! Linguini with cremini mushroom , cream and white wine sauce ! I made it from scratch and it was soooooo yummy , even though it was meant to be made with Vodka , which I never have in my house , except for a party and then it 's someone elses and it leaves with them because I never drink the stuff . . . . had a semi - busy , semi - quiet day at work . . . . had loads of fun laughing with my fellow tour guides L , X and K at lunch . They 're all student summer guides though and X and K are finishing their season this week and L will only be around for a few days next week . I 'm going to miss having them around every day , we have so much fun together . . . . am feeling a bit off tonight and lonely . I 'm thinking it 's the full moon that 's making me feel funny , it can do that to me sometimes . . . . am so looking forward to locking myself in a bubble with my Sweetheart this coming weekend . My goal is to spend the whole weekend with just him . No Facebook , no blog and as little e - mail as possible , although I will have to contact my dad at some point to see if he can pick me up at the train station on Sunday night . . . because no matter how much I want to , I can never stay in my bubble with my Sweetheart . I always have to come back out and face reality . Oh dear , it 's only Monday and I still have to make it to Friday before I get to leave to see my Sweetheart and I 'm already thinking about how hard it will be to come home ! Ugh . . . God , give Posted by Today I . . . . . . am sharing this sunny photo of Niagara Falls with you . It 's been rainy and cool all day here today and it was so warm and sunny when I took this photo that it 's warming me up just looking at it : o ) . . . went for a spa appointment and a small shopping spree . . . . was most relieved when the sweater and sports pants that I bought ended up both being on sale . I got a 99 $ sweater from Mexx on sale for 25 $ taxes in and a 60 $ pair of pants on sale for 50 $ taxes in . . . . spoke with my Sweetheart for about a half hour and we both agreed that we wanted to spend a quiet weekend together next weekend . I can 't wait ! ! ! . . . ate the last of the chocolates that my Sweetheart left for me last week . We 're gonna have to make more of those if we can , or maybe some of his chocolate mousse ? Mmm . . . Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of my cat Magique with you . Doesn 't she look relaxed ? . . . spent my afternoon the way Magique must have been feeling when I took this picture of her . I had a nice , long nap and then an nice , long bath this evening , in between vacuuming and doing my laundry . . . . went out to get cat food this morning , but ended up running home when I got a call from Videotron cable telling me that the techie who was only supposed to show up between noon and 8 : 00 P . M . was on his way to my place a bit after 11 : 00 ! These specialists ! They 're either at the late end of their obscenely long windows of opportunity to show up on your doorstep or obscenely early ! Oh well , at least my cable box is working now . . . . went out for brunch and then to get cat food and kitty litter with my brother . While he was there , I was just as well to take advantage of his manly strength and have him cart a bag of litter up to my apartment . . . . found out , much to my relief , that I am most certainly not lactose intolerant . I guess my heart burn this week was from stress ? . . . am now going to go and wash my dishes and go watch a movie . This week I . . . . . . meant to post more often and share more photos than I did , but I felt like crap . No emotionally really , not past Tuesday anyhow , but physically . Holy heartburn , Batman ! ! ! I had never had any before and then this week all of a sudden , whamo ! It really sucked and I slept rather badly because of it and because of that I had very little energy or desire to post at night , so I apologize for that . . . . was pretty darn busy at work since C was still on vacation . She 's not coming back to the office until Wednesday and I hope she comes back in fine form . . . . gave a tour and a few interviews to a camera crew from a Quebec - wide news agency with the rector of the Oratory yesterday . It was lots of fun and helped me get my mind off of the searing pain beneath my sternum . . . . found out that Gaviscon really does work well . My heartburn has been slim to none since I started using it last night . Ah , blessed sleep , I was glad to encounter it again . . . . told D that it was okay if he left work this morning when a family emergency came up , since it was a quiet day . Oops . . . it wasn 't so busy anymore once the afternoon rolled around . I had to pull a tour guide who had just done double duty by heading down to our inn to help make the beds out of lunch and ask him to please eat in the information booth so that the tour guide there could go and do the 1 : 30 P . M . English tour . Good soldier that he is , he did it without too much complaint . . . especially after I told him that he would be paid an hour 's worth of overtime for his troubles . . . . bought part of my repertoire for my choir 's Christmas concert off of iTunes and am thrilled to share this video of part of Morten Lauridsen 's Lux Aeterna with you . I can 't wait to wow our audience with it . What do you all think of the piece . I was hoping to find a video of a choir actually singing it , but none of the choirs I found videos of were quite up to this one , which is the Los Angeles Master Choir and exactly the recording I have . Every city 's Skyline is unique , but Montreal 's Skyline is dominated , from the West , by something that is usually only seen in Europe . . . a huge church , St . Joseph 's Oratory . I often refer to the Oratory as the last of its kind , or in North America at least . They just don 't build churches like this anymore ! To see more skies from around the world , you can head over the to Skywatch Friday Blog . Have a great weekend ! Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of the Much Music building in Toronto with you . I 'm pretty sure it was a library at some point , but yeah , it now houses the Much Music studios . . . . was so very relieved and happy to finally talk with my Sweetheart . I was afraid , earlier this evening that he was avoiding me because he signed in to Skype as ' Away ' so I knew he was doing it on purpose . I sent him a message on Skype and bluntly asked him to please stop doing it if that was what he was doing because it would end up making me sick eventually , literally . I told him I would beg if I had to , but it turned out that I didn 't need to because he answered me almost right away and said that of course he wasn 't avoiding me , he was just eating dinner , doing laundry and then going to get his groceries and that we could talk we he got back from the store , if I wanted to . Well , DUH ! ! ! Of course I wanted to . He told me that he hadn 't read my e - mails from the weekend and yesterday day yet though . Well , I wish I could say I was surprised about that , but I wasn 't . He 's notoriously slow at reading e - mails . . . . found out that the incident that his sister wouldn 't tell him about on the phone on Friday night was a flood in his condo . She hadn 't wanted to tell him on the phone so she wouldn 't spoil his evening and didn 't want him to come home to find his place just like that . The flood came over from the neighbors ' place and warped his floor and soaked the wall , so he had to spend all day Saturday pulling up part of his hallway floor and taking down part of the wall which was moldy . . . and now he 's coughing because he couldn 't find a mask to wear . I felt so bad for him when I found out about that because he and I and his brother and one of his friends spent hours and hours renovating his place when he bought it and he had just finished most of it before moving to Toronto . . . . found out that a crazy barricaded himself in the basement unit of the apartment building across the street from mine this morning with his pregnant roommate and was threatenPosted by Today I . . . . . . am sharing this close - up picture of a fountain in Toronto with you . . . . am wishing I could get on a train and go to Toronto to see my Sweetheart , because I miss him . I 'm dying to talk with him since I 'm feeling so much better today , but he was ' away ' on Skype when I got there at about 8 : 00 P . M . and he didn 't come back , just went offline at about 9 : 45 P . M . . I knew this might happen because he often gets home from Montreal absolutely worn out and if his weekend was as rough as mine , he 's probably exhausted , like me . I didn 't sleep very well again last night , so since I did everything I needed to do to get ready for bed while waiting to see if he was going to come back online , all I have to do is have my shower and go to bed . . . and hopefully not get too upset over not talking to my Sweetheart tonight . I 'm still kind of fragile , but this is not abnormal , I often don 't get to talk to him right when he gets back . I 'll just try again tomorrow , is all . . . . had a fairly busy day at work . I was all alone in the office and there were lots and lots of people around in the afternoon because a lot of pilgrims were coming through on their way back from Cap - de - la - Madeleine since it was the Assumption yesterday . . . . ended up doing fifteen minutes of overtime because I was about to leave when the phone rang , then rang again and again . Gonna have to make sure D knows about that tomorrow . Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of a dog that my Sweetheart , a friend of his and I came across on a beach in Kelowna a few years back . . . . am feeling a bit better . I don 't feel like a little ghost wandering around among the living today . . . . was feeling more angry about the events of Friday evening and night than anything else . . . . just want to talk to my Sweetheart to iron this whole thing out . . . . think that my Sweetheart owes an apology , a big hug and some flowers . The flowers and big hug thing would be kind of hard though seeing as he leaves so darn far . . . . went grocery shopping when I motivated myself to get out of my apartment . . . . did a lot of lying down on my bed and thinking , I even had a short nap . . . . was able to eat without my stomach getting upset for the first time since Friday night when I had dinner . . . . found myself wondering why being in love has to be so crappy sometimes . It should feel nothing but nice and warm and fuzzy all the time . I count myself fortunate that it feels that way for me most of the time , but when it sucks , boy , does it suck . I think it 's worth going through a few rough spots in exchange for all the good times though . Today I . . . . . . was feeling like complete and utter crap when I woke up . . . and not because of a hangover . . . . am trying to get over my disappointment over the way my party turned out last night . It started out quite well , I was being a good hostess , helping everyone get settled , setting out food . But then I got the impression that something was being planned , but I wasn 't too sure what . Then I heard that one of my friends was talking about going to see the Perseid meteors up north somewhere , but we had to wait until my Sweetheart got to my place as well as one of my other friends , G , who was running late because she is a veterinarian and had an emergency at her clinic . . . . was thrilled when my friend and my Sweetheart got to my place , only to be very upset when my Sweetheart told me that he couldn 't stay because his sister was waiting for him at his condo , which she is renting while he 's on contract in TO . . . . was even less impressed when all my friends started getting up to head up North to see the meteor shower without asking me if that was what I wanted to do , seeing how this was supposed to be my housewarming party after all . . . . lost it when my Sweetheart said he was going to head home as everyone was getting ready to leave . There I was at my own party watching my guests leave while trying to keep my Sweetheart over a bit longer because he had only gotten there about 20 minutes earlier . I was a hormone induced mess ( hello , PMS , thank you for making a crappy situation even crappier ) . . . . was thankful that one of my girlfriends , L , came into the living room where my Sweetheart was sitting with me , looking incredulous and handing me a glass of water to try to get me to calm down and explained to him exactly why his leaving so soon was so upsetting to me . She told him everything I wanted to but couldn 't because I was such a mess . . . . ended up getting in a car with G and my Sweetheart and two other friends and hauled up North even though I really didn 't feel like it . I would have rather stayed home with my Sweetheart and talked tPosted by Today I . . . . . . chose a picture at random for this post and it turned out to be this lovely little house in Charleston 's French Quarter . It 's right next to a large cemetery that I 've shared pictures of with you before . . . . had a quieter day at work than yesterday , which is just fine with me since tomorrow is going to be busy , D actually called an extra summer guide in since we 're missing C who , as I mentioned earlier this week , is on vacation . . . . spent quite a bit of time in the information booth . . . . am tearing through my second reading of Audrey Niffenegger 's ' The Time Traveler 's Wife ' . If you haven 't read it yet , you should . It 's a brilliantly written story . . . . am waiting for my Sweetheart to call me back . I came to call him just as he was going to get dinner , I assume . If not , then he 's probably making the chocolate truffles for my housewarming party and I certainly wouldn 't want him to mess those up because I 'm distracting him ! . . . am still tired , but not quite as much as last night , at least not yet . Today I . . . . . . am having a pictureless post because I 'm pretty tired tonight and didn 't feel like hunting through my thousands of pictures to find the perfect one for this post . . . . had a very busy day at work . C is on vacation for two weeks so I have to do her work and mine and that definitely keeps me busy ! . . . am getting more and more eager for Friday ! I 'm having my housewarming party that day so will be having a bunch of friends over and best of all , my Sweetheart will be coming too ! . . . was quite miffed when I got a call from the spa I go to to find out that my appointment , which I thought was tomorrow at 5 : 15 P . M . was actually today . I only ever go on Wednesdays or Thursdays or very occasionally on Fridays and no one called to confirm my appointment , so I didn 't remember it was today . Grr ! ! ! Now I have to wait until Friday next week to go , I was not amused ! . . . am happy that the weather has cooled off tonight and that the humidity is gone , it will make sleeping much more comfortable . Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of the statue of Brother Andre in the Oratory 's Basilica with you , it being his 165th birthday and all . We celebrated his birthday today at the Oratory as we do every year with a mass at 2 : 00 P . M . in the Basilica paying special attention to the ill and the handicapped who are given a special blessing during the service . They also had a candlelight procession to the original Oratory after the 7 : 30 P . M . mass . This is the original Oratory here : There 's a statue of Brother Andre out there , too , as you can see . That picture of the Chapel doesn 't quite do it justice as its a shot from the side . There wasn 't always a wooden staircase outside the original Oratory , the added it after sealing off the inside staircase to Brother Andre 's room under the steeple because the steps were too narrow . Today I . . . . . . am apologizing for not posting last night , but I was grumpy . Like really , really grumpy , so bad that even after talking with my Sweetheart for nearly 20 minutes , I was still not feeling all that much better . That 's the first time that ever happens , he can usually always fix a case of the grumps for me , but no such luck last night . Therefore , instead of posting , I went to bed to put myself out of misery . . . . started really feeling better after lunch . Thank Heavens for that , I hate being grumpy , especially when I don 't know why I 'm grumpy . At least when I have PMS I can declare temporary hormonal insanity , but that was not the case with this bout of grumpiness . . . . sang ' Cher Frère André , C ' est à ton Tour ' with the rest of the congregation at the 2 : 00 P . M . mass with a smile on my face . It was the first time in eight years , that I can recall at least , that the Father leading mass had us sing a birthday song for Brother Andre . But hey , at 165 , the fella deserves it ! . . . was happy when no one flipped out over being barred from access to the Basilica during the organ factors ' conference 's private organ concert this afternoon . I 'm used to having to guard church doors at the Oratory and am equally Posted by Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of a house in the Kensington Market neighborhood of Toronto with you . . . . keep getting flashes of the Michael Buble concert I went to with my mother and my brother with last night . It was a great show . I was skeptical about whether I would I enjoy it or not as I kind of got Michael Bubled out while living with my mom since she would put his CDs on in a loop , but he 's gotten some new repertoire since I moved out into my own place and he is much better in person than on a CD . He really puts on a great show and has a hilarious sense of humor . . . . am wondering where all the people who used to read my blog have gone ? I used to get way more hits in a day than I do now , but things have been dead for about a month . Am I boring or is it just because it 's summer . I 'll admit that not getting very many readers isn 't really encouraging when it comes time to write a post . Anyhow , I 'm hoping that it 's just because it 's summer and people are on vacation or enjoying time outside . Maybe I should join a photo blog community ? . . . spent 70 $ and small change on groceries . Seemed like I was out of just about everything . . . and it felt like it too when I had to haul the bags up to my apartment ! . . . Couldn 't get the cold water in my shower to turn off when I was done washing , the janitor is in here to fix it now , hopefully he 'll be able to do it ! . . . am going to a friend 's wedding reception . She and her husband get married in Korea last month and they 're having a party here tonight for all of their friends who couldn 't make it to their actual wedding ceremony . Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture from between the inner and outer domes of the Oratory with you . Every once in a while , employees are allowed the privilege of climbing up the 90 meters that separate the Basilica 's floor from the observatory that sits on top of the outer dome . It 's quite the climb , it takes a half - hour to get up there and let me tell you , it is not for the faint of heart of those who are afraid of heights . I only have a very mild fear of heights and I do okay going up there , but coming down is a whole other ball game . In a few years , depending on how quickly the donations come in , we will be able to open this area to the public as well as the observatory . The view from up there is stunning , so it will be well worth the wait in line and the few dollars it will cost visitors to go up there . . . . felt bad for C . She 's going on vacation next week and wants to go home to Haiti for the duration , but she 's waited too long to buy her ticket and there are very few affordable ones left , especially since she doesn 't want to have to change planes and would have to take a bus to make it to the states to leave from there . I 've been helping her look for a ticket since Monday and told her that at this point , her best bet would probably be to go to a travel agency , that way if she sees something she likes , she can buy it on the spot . . . . had a nice ' girls ' night out ' with my friend V . We went to our favorite sushi joint in Monkland Village , Mikado . . . . was disappointed , along with V , when we were told that the chocolate souffles we wanted for dessert were not available . We gave up on dessert and went home , I had pumpkin chocolate chip cookies that my Grandma G brought me on Monday to eat here anyhow : o ) Today I . . . . . . am sharing these two pictures of Kensington Market 's Community Vehicular Reclamation Project . It 's a pretty neat idea , but I don 't think I 'd want one in front of my apartment building : oJ . . . had a pretty laid back day at work after being busy on the phone for the first hour and a half . . . . wondered , along with one of the summer tour guides , where the heck her tour group was ? ? ? They never showed up and when we called their parish , there was no answer ! Hopefully we 'll hear from them so they can explain what happened . . . . got my feet soaked by a downpour on the way home from work just waiting for the bus , hopefully my sandals will be dry by the time I head out to work again tomorrow ! Today I . . . . . . am sharing another streetcar picture with you guys ! Yippee , streetcar ! ! ! . . . had a pretty busy day at work with all sorts of odds and ends . . . . walked home and it felt great . . . . am glad that my upstairs neighbors are quieter tonight . They have the home cinema going , but that 's nothing out of the ordinary . They kept their animated discussion going until 12 : 30 A . M . last night . I wasn 't able to take a broomstick to the ceiling though . . . It turns out that I 'm too short to reach my ceiling and I didn 't dare stand on a table or chair in case I fell off . . . . spoke with my Sweetheart for over a half hour again and he checked to see if he 's going to have free wi - fi in his hotel room in Niagara , which he will . I 'm so relieved that we 'll be able to talk while he 's away this time ! Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of a rack of multicolored skirts that were on display outside a store in Kensington village in Toronto when I was there a bit over a week ago . . . . was feeling kind of down in the mouth for the better part of the day . My friend G , whom I was supposed to go to the fireworks on the South Shore with last night left me high and dry and I therefore wasted my evening waiting for her to call me on top of being left with nothing to do and having too much time to think . I therefore ended up feeling what I 've been trying to avoid feeling for a week : feeling lonely for my Sweetheart . It lasted into this morning and part of this afternoon until I gave myself a swift kick in the butt and made it out the door of my apartment . . . . went for a long walk walk through Notre - Dame - des - Neiges Cemetery so I could find my four paternal great - grandparents ' graves . I didn 't even know they were in there until a few weeks ago when my grandma mentioned it to me . It took me hours to find the two graves because the cemetery 's ' address ' code is pretty messed up . Example : my grandfather 's father 's tomb is number 06060 in his section , but I finally had to resort to using the shape of the piece of land his plot is on to find him on the map I brought along . His grave ( and my great - grandmother 's and one of his daughters in law 's ) is in a section with a marker that said graves number 485 - 587 were there ! Hmm . . . I think they need to fix their signage ! . . . spoke to my Sweetheart for over a half - hour . Oh , what bliss ! I missed him so much and we 're both feeling so much better than we were on Friday , so we were able to have a nice , long chat . I 'm going to make sure that I get to talk to him again tomorrow since he 's leaving for a conference in Niagara Falls for the week on Tuesday and I don 't know if he 's going to bring his little laptop with him . I want to stock up on my ' time with him ' so I won 't end up feeling too lonely for him again . . . . have decided that I 'm going to have a very noisy housewarming party in two weeks to getPosted by |
Today I . . . . . . am not including a picture with my post because my pictures from last weekend are not uploaded yet and I 'm pretty tired . I 'll try and get that done tomorrow . . . . am still feeling kind of lonely after coming home from my Sweetheart 's , but we did have a wonderful time . . . . had a great time at my first choir practice of the season last night , we have a slight problem though . . . there are only five sopranos , including me , and I 'm the only 1st soprano . We 're also lacking tenors , so hopefully we 'll get a few more returning choristers or new recruits to help fill the void ! . . . had to buy groceries and do the laundry today because I was out of both food and clean clothes . . . . am looking forward to a quiet evening after work tomorrow ! Today I . . . . . . am counting down the hours until I get to hop on the train to Toronto to visit my Sweetheart . I 'm down to 14 hours and 23 minutes as I write this sentence and approximately 19 hours and five minutes until I actually get to see him , as long as the train is on time . . . it had darn well better be ! ! ! . . . left my place at 8 : 15 and punched in at work at 8 : 27 . Yahoo , lucky me I got a bus right away and there was hardly any traffic , even though most of the schools started up again this morning ! I could tell that school was back in again more on the way home though since my bus got stuck in traffic . I would have walked home as I usually do , but I was hoping to beat the rain I could see coming on my way out of work and make it to the pet supply store by taking the bus . That didn 't work out , so I ended up going to buy my bag of cat food after dinner . . . . had a crazy busy afternoon filled with an unexpected pilgrimage organizer coming in and wanting to book his pilgrimage for August 2011 , an unexpected group coming in and wanting to say mass in one of our chapels , a phone that wouldn 't stop ringing , schedules for tours in December to be made and data to be entered into our database . I got it all done by 4 : 30 on the nose and cleaned up my desk and felt like cartwheeling down the hill to the bus stop because I was so happy to be leaving . . . since it meant I was that much closer to going to Toronto to see my Sweetheart . . . . still need to vacuum , have my shower , wash the dishes , feed my lovely ladies ( my cats ) and my fish and pack my suitcase before going to bed . Uh . . . bed before Midnight ? Maybe . . . lol . . . am sharing this link to a video of the King 's College Boys ' Choir singing Lux Arumque , another of the pieces I 'm going to be singing at my Christmas Concert this year . The King 's College Choir is one of my absolute favorites and they do a marvelous job of singing this piece , I hope you enjoy it : o ) . . . am signing off for the weekend , I 'll be back on Monday or Tuesday , but my choir practices are starting up on Monday , so I can 't Posted by Today I . . . . . . am sharing another picture of Magique with you . Here she is , lying in my basket full of clean laundry two weeks ago . Do I mind when she does this ? Nah , not really . Magique hardly loses any hair at all , so I find this particular behavioral pattern of hers more cute than anything else : o ) . . . was very happy to see C come back to work looking rested and cheerful , she gave both D and I big hugs when she first saw us because she was so happy to see us . . . . had a fairly quiet day work - wise , or may just have felt that way because I didn 't have to do most of C 's work anymore ! . . . spoke with my Sweetheart for a half - hour . We started telling one another what we would like to do together over the weekend and , as always , realized that there are way too many things we want to do together , especially since we would like to have a quiet weekend . Dear me . . . lol Today I . . . . . . am sharing this Picture of Quinn and Magique , my mother and daughter pair of cats with you . I don 't know if I had shown you guys this picture before , but if I did , it was a long time ago so I 'm sharing it again . It 's one of my favorite pictures of my lovely ladies because it shows how close they are and have always been , since Magique is the only one of her five babies that Quinn got to keep and she is still very much aware that Magique is her daughter . This photo is from when Magique was about five months old I 'd say , because she was about mid - way through being full - grown . . . . am feeling better than I was last night , much better actually . . . . had loads of fun at lunch again , laughing away with X , K and L . K has the greatest laugh and when I hear her laugh , I just laugh right along with her and cannot stop . . . . was glad not to be the target of our full - moon crazy person feature for once . X and K got that honor . I 'm sure it will be my turn to run into a ' special ' person the next time the full moon comes along , the Oratory always gets one or two of them a week , but every once in a while the full moon seems to bring out the real special ones , ask anyone who works at the Oratory , they 'll tell you a story or two . . . . . . got a call from a man wanting to bring some pilgrims over from Montpellier , France for Brother Andre 's canonization . It took me about a minute to be able to understand his accent ! . . . allowed myself the luxury of a soak in the bath followed by a facial when I got home from work . What a world of good it did me : o ) Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of some lovely orchids that I saw on my way to the butterfly exhibit at the Botanical Gardens way back in February . . . . had a heck of a time getting myself out of bed this morning . I was so tired and I couldn 't figure out why and still can 't . Oh well , hopefully I 'll get over it if I manage to make it to bed at a decent hour tonight , but that 's always a bit hard for me as I seem to be genetically engineered to be a semi - night owl . I 'm meant to go to bed around Midnight , which does not work out well when I have to be up and at ' em at 7 : 00 A . M . to go to work . . . . cooked something new for dinner ! Linguini with cremini mushroom , cream and white wine sauce ! I made it from scratch and it was soooooo yummy , even though it was meant to be made with Vodka , which I never have in my house , except for a party and then it 's someone elses and it leaves with them because I never drink the stuff . . . . had a semi - busy , semi - quiet day at work . . . . had loads of fun laughing with my fellow tour guides L , X and K at lunch . They 're all student summer guides though and X and K are finishing their season this week and L will only be around for a few days next week . I 'm going to miss having them around every day , we have so much fun together . . . . am feeling a bit off tonight and lonely . I 'm thinking it 's the full moon that 's making me feel funny , it can do that to me sometimes . . . . am so looking forward to locking myself in a bubble with my Sweetheart this coming weekend . My goal is to spend the whole weekend with just him . No Facebook , no blog and as little e - mail as possible , although I will have to contact my dad at some point to see if he can pick me up at the train station on Sunday night . . . because no matter how much I want to , I can never stay in my bubble with my Sweetheart . I always have to come back out and face reality . Oh dear , it 's only Monday and I still have to make it to Friday before I get to leave to see my Sweetheart and I 'm already thinking about how hard it will be to come home ! Ugh . . . God , give Posted by Today I . . . . . . am sharing this sunny photo of Niagara Falls with you . It 's been rainy and cool all day here today and it was so warm and sunny when I took this photo that it 's warming me up just looking at it : o ) . . . went for a spa appointment and a small shopping spree . . . . was most relieved when the sweater and sports pants that I bought ended up both being on sale . I got a 99 $ sweater from Mexx on sale for 25 $ taxes in and a 60 $ pair of pants on sale for 50 $ taxes in . . . . spoke with my Sweetheart for about a half hour and we both agreed that we wanted to spend a quiet weekend together next weekend . I can 't wait ! ! ! . . . ate the last of the chocolates that my Sweetheart left for me last week . We 're gonna have to make more of those if we can , or maybe some of his chocolate mousse ? Mmm . . . Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of my cat Magique with you . Doesn 't she look relaxed ? . . . spent my afternoon the way Magique must have been feeling when I took this picture of her . I had a nice , long nap and then an nice , long bath this evening , in between vacuuming and doing my laundry . . . . went out to get cat food this morning , but ended up running home when I got a call from Videotron cable telling me that the techie who was only supposed to show up between noon and 8 : 00 P . M . was on his way to my place a bit after 11 : 00 ! These specialists ! They 're either at the late end of their obscenely long windows of opportunity to show up on your doorstep or obscenely early ! Oh well , at least my cable box is working now . . . . went out for brunch and then to get cat food and kitty litter with my brother . While he was there , I was just as well to take advantage of his manly strength and have him cart a bag of litter up to my apartment . . . . found out , much to my relief , that I am most certainly not lactose intolerant . I guess my heart burn this week was from stress ? . . . am now going to go and wash my dishes and go watch a movie . This week I . . . . . . meant to post more often and share more photos than I did , but I felt like crap . No emotionally really , not past Tuesday anyhow , but physically . Holy heartburn , Batman ! ! ! I had never had any before and then this week all of a sudden , whamo ! It really sucked and I slept rather badly because of it and because of that I had very little energy or desire to post at night , so I apologize for that . . . . was pretty darn busy at work since C was still on vacation . She 's not coming back to the office until Wednesday and I hope she comes back in fine form . . . . gave a tour and a few interviews to a camera crew from a Quebec - wide news agency with the rector of the Oratory yesterday . It was lots of fun and helped me get my mind off of the searing pain beneath my sternum . . . . found out that Gaviscon really does work well . My heartburn has been slim to none since I started using it last night . Ah , blessed sleep , I was glad to encounter it again . . . . told D that it was okay if he left work this morning when a family emergency came up , since it was a quiet day . Oops . . . it wasn 't so busy anymore once the afternoon rolled around . I had to pull a tour guide who had just done double duty by heading down to our inn to help make the beds out of lunch and ask him to please eat in the information booth so that the tour guide there could go and do the 1 : 30 P . M . English tour . Good soldier that he is , he did it without too much complaint . . . especially after I told him that he would be paid an hour 's worth of overtime for his troubles . . . . bought part of my repertoire for my choir 's Christmas concert off of iTunes and am thrilled to share this video of part of Morten Lauridsen 's Lux Aeterna with you . I can 't wait to wow our audience with it . What do you all think of the piece . I was hoping to find a video of a choir actually singing it , but none of the choirs I found videos of were quite up to this one , which is the Los Angeles Master Choir and exactly the recording I have . Every city 's Skyline is unique , but Montreal 's Skyline is dominated , from the West , by something that is usually only seen in Europe . . . a huge church , St . Joseph 's Oratory . I often refer to the Oratory as the last of its kind , or in North America at least . They just don 't build churches like this anymore ! To see more skies from around the world , you can head over the to Skywatch Friday Blog . Have a great weekend ! Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of the Much Music building in Toronto with you . I 'm pretty sure it was a library at some point , but yeah , it now houses the Much Music studios . . . . was so very relieved and happy to finally talk with my Sweetheart . I was afraid , earlier this evening that he was avoiding me because he signed in to Skype as ' Away ' so I knew he was doing it on purpose . I sent him a message on Skype and bluntly asked him to please stop doing it if that was what he was doing because it would end up making me sick eventually , literally . I told him I would beg if I had to , but it turned out that I didn 't need to because he answered me almost right away and said that of course he wasn 't avoiding me , he was just eating dinner , doing laundry and then going to get his groceries and that we could talk we he got back from the store , if I wanted to . Well , DUH ! ! ! Of course I wanted to . He told me that he hadn 't read my e - mails from the weekend and yesterday day yet though . Well , I wish I could say I was surprised about that , but I wasn 't . He 's notoriously slow at reading e - mails . . . . found out that the incident that his sister wouldn 't tell him about on the phone on Friday night was a flood in his condo . She hadn 't wanted to tell him on the phone so she wouldn 't spoil his evening and didn 't want him to come home to find his place just like that . The flood came over from the neighbors ' place and warped his floor and soaked the wall , so he had to spend all day Saturday pulling up part of his hallway floor and taking down part of the wall which was moldy . . . and now he 's coughing because he couldn 't find a mask to wear . I felt so bad for him when I found out about that because he and I and his brother and one of his friends spent hours and hours renovating his place when he bought it and he had just finished most of it before moving to Toronto . . . . found out that a crazy barricaded himself in the basement unit of the apartment building across the street from mine this morning with his pregnant roommate and was threatenPosted by Today I . . . . . . am sharing this close - up picture of a fountain in Toronto with you . . . . am wishing I could get on a train and go to Toronto to see my Sweetheart , because I miss him . I 'm dying to talk with him since I 'm feeling so much better today , but he was ' away ' on Skype when I got there at about 8 : 00 P . M . and he didn 't come back , just went offline at about 9 : 45 P . M . . I knew this might happen because he often gets home from Montreal absolutely worn out and if his weekend was as rough as mine , he 's probably exhausted , like me . I didn 't sleep very well again last night , so since I did everything I needed to do to get ready for bed while waiting to see if he was going to come back online , all I have to do is have my shower and go to bed . . . and hopefully not get too upset over not talking to my Sweetheart tonight . I 'm still kind of fragile , but this is not abnormal , I often don 't get to talk to him right when he gets back . I 'll just try again tomorrow , is all . . . . had a fairly busy day at work . I was all alone in the office and there were lots and lots of people around in the afternoon because a lot of pilgrims were coming through on their way back from Cap - de - la - Madeleine since it was the Assumption yesterday . . . . ended up doing fifteen minutes of overtime because I was about to leave when the phone rang , then rang again and again . Gonna have to make sure D knows about that tomorrow . Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of a dog that my Sweetheart , a friend of his and I came across on a beach in Kelowna a few years back . . . . am feeling a bit better . I don 't feel like a little ghost wandering around among the living today . . . . was feeling more angry about the events of Friday evening and night than anything else . . . . just want to talk to my Sweetheart to iron this whole thing out . . . . think that my Sweetheart owes an apology , a big hug and some flowers . The flowers and big hug thing would be kind of hard though seeing as he leaves so darn far . . . . went grocery shopping when I motivated myself to get out of my apartment . . . . did a lot of lying down on my bed and thinking , I even had a short nap . . . . was able to eat without my stomach getting upset for the first time since Friday night when I had dinner . . . . found myself wondering why being in love has to be so crappy sometimes . It should feel nothing but nice and warm and fuzzy all the time . I count myself fortunate that it feels that way for me most of the time , but when it sucks , boy , does it suck . I think it 's worth going through a few rough spots in exchange for all the good times though . Today I . . . . . . was feeling like complete and utter crap when I woke up . . . and not because of a hangover . . . . am trying to get over my disappointment over the way my party turned out last night . It started out quite well , I was being a good hostess , helping everyone get settled , setting out food . But then I got the impression that something was being planned , but I wasn 't too sure what . Then I heard that one of my friends was talking about going to see the Perseid meteors up north somewhere , but we had to wait until my Sweetheart got to my place as well as one of my other friends , G , who was running late because she is a veterinarian and had an emergency at her clinic . . . . was thrilled when my friend and my Sweetheart got to my place , only to be very upset when my Sweetheart told me that he couldn 't stay because his sister was waiting for him at his condo , which she is renting while he 's on contract in TO . . . . was even less impressed when all my friends started getting up to head up North to see the meteor shower without asking me if that was what I wanted to do , seeing how this was supposed to be my housewarming party after all . . . . lost it when my Sweetheart said he was going to head home as everyone was getting ready to leave . There I was at my own party watching my guests leave while trying to keep my Sweetheart over a bit longer because he had only gotten there about 20 minutes earlier . I was a hormone induced mess ( hello , PMS , thank you for making a crappy situation even crappier ) . . . . was thankful that one of my girlfriends , L , came into the living room where my Sweetheart was sitting with me , looking incredulous and handing me a glass of water to try to get me to calm down and explained to him exactly why his leaving so soon was so upsetting to me . She told him everything I wanted to but couldn 't because I was such a mess . . . . ended up getting in a car with G and my Sweetheart and two other friends and hauled up North even though I really didn 't feel like it . I would have rather stayed home with my Sweetheart and talked tPosted by Today I . . . . . . chose a picture at random for this post and it turned out to be this lovely little house in Charleston 's French Quarter . It 's right next to a large cemetery that I 've shared pictures of with you before . . . . had a quieter day at work than yesterday , which is just fine with me since tomorrow is going to be busy , D actually called an extra summer guide in since we 're missing C who , as I mentioned earlier this week , is on vacation . . . . spent quite a bit of time in the information booth . . . . am tearing through my second reading of Audrey Niffenegger 's ' The Time Traveler 's Wife ' . If you haven 't read it yet , you should . It 's a brilliantly written story . . . . am waiting for my Sweetheart to call me back . I came to call him just as he was going to get dinner , I assume . If not , then he 's probably making the chocolate truffles for my housewarming party and I certainly wouldn 't want him to mess those up because I 'm distracting him ! . . . am still tired , but not quite as much as last night , at least not yet . Today I . . . . . . am having a pictureless post because I 'm pretty tired tonight and didn 't feel like hunting through my thousands of pictures to find the perfect one for this post . . . . had a very busy day at work . C is on vacation for two weeks so I have to do her work and mine and that definitely keeps me busy ! . . . am getting more and more eager for Friday ! I 'm having my housewarming party that day so will be having a bunch of friends over and best of all , my Sweetheart will be coming too ! . . . was quite miffed when I got a call from the spa I go to to find out that my appointment , which I thought was tomorrow at 5 : 15 P . M . was actually today . I only ever go on Wednesdays or Thursdays or very occasionally on Fridays and no one called to confirm my appointment , so I didn 't remember it was today . Grr ! ! ! Now I have to wait until Friday next week to go , I was not amused ! . . . am happy that the weather has cooled off tonight and that the humidity is gone , it will make sleeping much more comfortable . Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of the statue of Brother Andre in the Oratory 's Basilica with you , it being his 165th birthday and all . We celebrated his birthday today at the Oratory as we do every year with a mass at 2 : 00 P . M . in the Basilica paying special attention to the ill and the handicapped who are given a special blessing during the service . They also had a candlelight procession to the original Oratory after the 7 : 30 P . M . mass . This is the original Oratory here : There 's a statue of Brother Andre out there , too , as you can see . That picture of the Chapel doesn 't quite do it justice as its a shot from the side . There wasn 't always a wooden staircase outside the original Oratory , the added it after sealing off the inside staircase to Brother Andre 's room under the steeple because the steps were too narrow . Today I . . . . . . am apologizing for not posting last night , but I was grumpy . Like really , really grumpy , so bad that even after talking with my Sweetheart for nearly 20 minutes , I was still not feeling all that much better . That 's the first time that ever happens , he can usually always fix a case of the grumps for me , but no such luck last night . Therefore , instead of posting , I went to bed to put myself out of misery . . . . started really feeling better after lunch . Thank Heavens for that , I hate being grumpy , especially when I don 't know why I 'm grumpy . At least when I have PMS I can declare temporary hormonal insanity , but that was not the case with this bout of grumpiness . . . . sang ' Cher Frère André , C ' est à ton Tour ' with the rest of the congregation at the 2 : 00 P . M . mass with a smile on my face . It was the first time in eight years , that I can recall at least , that the Father leading mass had us sing a birthday song for Brother Andre . But hey , at 165 , the fella deserves it ! . . . was happy when no one flipped out over being barred from access to the Basilica during the organ factors ' conference 's private organ concert this afternoon . I 'm used to having to guard church doors at the Oratory and am equally Posted by Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of a house in the Kensington Market neighborhood of Toronto with you . . . . keep getting flashes of the Michael Buble concert I went to with my mother and my brother with last night . It was a great show . I was skeptical about whether I would I enjoy it or not as I kind of got Michael Bubled out while living with my mom since she would put his CDs on in a loop , but he 's gotten some new repertoire since I moved out into my own place and he is much better in person than on a CD . He really puts on a great show and has a hilarious sense of humor . . . . am wondering where all the people who used to read my blog have gone ? I used to get way more hits in a day than I do now , but things have been dead for about a month . Am I boring or is it just because it 's summer . I 'll admit that not getting very many readers isn 't really encouraging when it comes time to write a post . Anyhow , I 'm hoping that it 's just because it 's summer and people are on vacation or enjoying time outside . Maybe I should join a photo blog community ? . . . spent 70 $ and small change on groceries . Seemed like I was out of just about everything . . . and it felt like it too when I had to haul the bags up to my apartment ! . . . Couldn 't get the cold water in my shower to turn off when I was done washing , the janitor is in here to fix it now , hopefully he 'll be able to do it ! . . . am going to a friend 's wedding reception . She and her husband get married in Korea last month and they 're having a party here tonight for all of their friends who couldn 't make it to their actual wedding ceremony . Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture from between the inner and outer domes of the Oratory with you . Every once in a while , employees are allowed the privilege of climbing up the 90 meters that separate the Basilica 's floor from the observatory that sits on top of the outer dome . It 's quite the climb , it takes a half - hour to get up there and let me tell you , it is not for the faint of heart of those who are afraid of heights . I only have a very mild fear of heights and I do okay going up there , but coming down is a whole other ball game . In a few years , depending on how quickly the donations come in , we will be able to open this area to the public as well as the observatory . The view from up there is stunning , so it will be well worth the wait in line and the few dollars it will cost visitors to go up there . . . . felt bad for C . She 's going on vacation next week and wants to go home to Haiti for the duration , but she 's waited too long to buy her ticket and there are very few affordable ones left , especially since she doesn 't want to have to change planes and would have to take a bus to make it to the states to leave from there . I 've been helping her look for a ticket since Monday and told her that at this point , her best bet would probably be to go to a travel agency , that way if she sees something she likes , she can buy it on the spot . . . . had a nice ' girls ' night out ' with my friend V . We went to our favorite sushi joint in Monkland Village , Mikado . . . . was disappointed , along with V , when we were told that the chocolate souffles we wanted for dessert were not available . We gave up on dessert and went home , I had pumpkin chocolate chip cookies that my Grandma G brought me on Monday to eat here anyhow : o ) Today I . . . . . . am sharing these two pictures of Kensington Market 's Community Vehicular Reclamation Project . It 's a pretty neat idea , but I don 't think I 'd want one in front of my apartment building : oJ . . . had a pretty laid back day at work after being busy on the phone for the first hour and a half . . . . wondered , along with one of the summer tour guides , where the heck her tour group was ? ? ? They never showed up and when we called their parish , there was no answer ! Hopefully we 'll hear from them so they can explain what happened . . . . got my feet soaked by a downpour on the way home from work just waiting for the bus , hopefully my sandals will be dry by the time I head out to work again tomorrow ! Today I . . . . . . am sharing another streetcar picture with you guys ! Yippee , streetcar ! ! ! . . . had a pretty busy day at work with all sorts of odds and ends . . . . walked home and it felt great . . . . am glad that my upstairs neighbors are quieter tonight . They have the home cinema going , but that 's nothing out of the ordinary . They kept their animated discussion going until 12 : 30 A . M . last night . I wasn 't able to take a broomstick to the ceiling though . . . It turns out that I 'm too short to reach my ceiling and I didn 't dare stand on a table or chair in case I fell off . . . . spoke with my Sweetheart for over a half hour again and he checked to see if he 's going to have free wi - fi in his hotel room in Niagara , which he will . I 'm so relieved that we 'll be able to talk while he 's away this time ! Today I . . . . . . am sharing this picture of a rack of multicolored skirts that were on display outside a store in Kensington village in Toronto when I was there a bit over a week ago . . . . was feeling kind of down in the mouth for the better part of the day . My friend G , whom I was supposed to go to the fireworks on the South Shore with last night left me high and dry and I therefore wasted my evening waiting for her to call me on top of being left with nothing to do and having too much time to think . I therefore ended up feeling what I 've been trying to avoid feeling for a week : feeling lonely for my Sweetheart . It lasted into this morning and part of this afternoon until I gave myself a swift kick in the butt and made it out the door of my apartment . . . . went for a long walk walk through Notre - Dame - des - Neiges Cemetery so I could find my four paternal great - grandparents ' graves . I didn 't even know they were in there until a few weeks ago when my grandma mentioned it to me . It took me hours to find the two graves because the cemetery 's ' address ' code is pretty messed up . Example : my grandfather 's father 's tomb is number 06060 in his section , but I finally had to resort to using the shape of the piece of land his plot is on to find him on the map I brought along . His grave ( and my great - grandmother 's and one of his daughters in law 's ) is in a section with a marker that said graves number 485 - 587 were there ! Hmm . . . I think they need to fix their signage ! . . . spoke to my Sweetheart for over a half - hour . Oh , what bliss ! I missed him so much and we 're both feeling so much better than we were on Friday , so we were able to have a nice , long chat . I 'm going to make sure that I get to talk to him again tomorrow since he 's leaving for a conference in Niagara Falls for the week on Tuesday and I don 't know if he 's going to bring his little laptop with him . I want to stock up on my ' time with him ' so I won 't end up feeling too lonely for him again . . . . have decided that I 'm going to have a very noisy housewarming party in two weeks to getPosted by |
Lord Dorian , Steward of Piques , sat across from Duc Felicien , who had been his childhood friend so very long ago . They had been playing in a creek in the woods when the younger boy disappeared at Springfinding . Dorian himself could barely remember it , but the after - effects had been grand . The duc and duchesse had held out hope for several years , every great change in season bringing with it a wish that their only son would return , but the hope faded as time went by . The steward at the time , his father , took over more and more duties as the grieving couple found themselves unable to . With their deaths came an end to the noble line of Piques . Until now . " Ten years . Or maybe a hundred , " Félicien replied with a shrug . That those two measurements were vastly different did not seem to bother him . " Time flows , but rarely at a steady pace . How long has it been in this plane ? " " The first day of our Midspring , yes , " the young man interrupted . " The celebrations began last night . We escorted those out who would help prepare this plane for Spring , and I went along because I reached my majority . " He smiled and his grin broadened as he added , " I came to cause some mischief , but it seems I have brought much of it with me . " The boy was enjoying this far too much . But he was , after all , still a boy . He was too young to be an adult in Piques , but a fée 's majority was at the start of puberty . So he was fourteen or fifteen . That he considered himself fée was also disturbing . " I , duties ? " His chair slammed down and Félicien laughed . A dangerous glint entered his eye . " You say this land is mine to do with as I desire ? " " In a way . " Dorian tried to chose his words carefully . " I have been handling the affairs since your parents deaths , but there has been no duc for many years . You have been returned to us , please , perhaps you may take some time to be here . Do this for me . " " Very well , then . " Félicien inclined his head . " On our friendship , I shall stay a time . Perhaps there is a reason I have returned after all . " " Thank you . " Tension eased from his shoulders and Dorian leaned back in his own chair . This would be difficult . He was tempted to let the heir go back , make Ophion continue his duties as planned , but it would be wrong to deny the land its proper ruler . A steward was all well and good , but they were not the duc . His daughter curtsied in kind , and then gave her attention to him . " Papa , forgive the interruption , but I was told to come give you aid ? Brother has already left . " " I am sixty - four , " the boy said proudly . " At least , I was born sixty - four years ago . But I feel not a day over fifty . " When she looked back to him , unsure of how to take his words , he laughed once more . " Oui , mademoiselle , as you say ! " Félicien stepped out in front of her , walking backwards while facing her . She tried to ignore him , looking over his shoulder , but it was difficult . Pierre 's parents weren 't really characters whose stories I had in mind for a long time . But when I started to elaborate on backstory things began to come up . I am falling more and more in love with Faery and its land and people - something that I didn 't have as a part of Clandestina not that long ago . My favorite part is the messing with time - Félicien has aged only about 10 years or so , but a lot more time has passed for Piques . Time to forget what it was like to have a duc , time for the distrust of fée to simmer . And Félicien does not even care much at all for politics , and from the earlier Scene you 'll know he disappears in another thirteen years to leave Piques alone again with Ophélie 's death . Pierre is inheriting a lot of baggage . Fortunately he takes after his mother and finds people and politics interesting , even if sometimes he 's selfishly busy with dark magic . Pierre grimaced . He had not wished to inform Lizzy of this specifically . " Truthfully most were criminals whose deaths were not deemed important enough to give full funerals . At least this way they would be … of use . " " We were students after all . Pranks were pulled , curfew ignored , alcohol drunk in excess . I was among the oldest so I mainly watched over the younger men . " " And when you were younger ? " Lizzy probed , reading into what Pierre had not said . He did not meet her eyes , staring up at the trees quite pointedly . I killed a man , he thought immediately . Several in fact , but one stood out to him in that moment . A prisoner taken straight from his hanging to his slab , so the students could see what was as close to a living body as possible . He had been not quite as dead as they had thought . After seeing the blood flowing and hearing the man let out a moan , even opening his eyes , many of the students turned away and one ran to alert a professor . Pierre had made it seem that he checked for a pulse , but he squeezed the very damaged windpipe . By the time someone with more authority was in the room the man was well and truly dead . It was deemed a delayed hanging . Pierre remained to finish the lesson even though he had been offered a pass at seeing a man die right before his eyes . " Of course not . Though I now shall have to find myself another companion , " she said with a smile and glance to him . " I would like a partner with experience in such things so I have some guidance when I deem to try . " Before he could answer she dashed ahead to where the stream was in view . He gave chase . At the edge of the bank she did not stop , pulling up her skirts and jumping to a rock that jetted out in the middle . She made it , arms waving to keep her balance and getting one shoe wet , but staying on the rock . With a laugh she turned and curtsied to him . " No , my dear , I would not , " he agreed , finally , placing her down in the grass . Not after she had been ill . Another day , perhaps . They were the same height at the moment and he kissed her before getting out himself and looking down at his ruined clothes . His shoes were wet and the feeling was quite uncomfortable out of the water . He knelt down and began to untie the laces . " Leaving my shoes , " he called over his shoulder , going back to the rock . He made sure they would not fall into the water before again returning . " They are quite nice shoes , but hardly my only pair . I am sure there are fée around , perhaps the gift would be appreciated . We cannot spare much food or drink . " The professor was not in the classroom as the students walked in to Anatomy . There were instructions written on the board in large letters ( each student was to pair up with two others , choose one of the corpses laid out , and disassemble as much as possible , labeling each organ and its function . For extra credit they could find out the cause of death ) but that was all . They had done this , or similar , exercises several times before under the watchful eye of their teacher , but today it seemed to be a test of how well they could work on their own . Pierre Salvador stood by himself while most of the group paired with friends . Piers had finished his studies already , leaving for home a few weeks before , not needing the extra time in surgical schooling . The princeling therefor found himself alone more often than not now that his only true friend here was gone . It did not bother him much , he preferred working alone , but it was not pleasant . Possibly his status was scaring others away , or perhaps something about him radiated with Mora 's cræft ? He had never looked into the problem . At the end there weren 't enough students for an even number of triads and Pierre stayed alone . He noted that one group had four students , and he should have at least been paired with one of them , but it let it go . There were also not enough bodies either so another group would be useless . He could make a fuss , or join one of the groups to observe , but he had better things to do . This was something he knew well already , and Mora has asked he kill a man for her . " Merci , " Pierre said , taking the wheeled slab and flipping over the white sheet . Beside the angry blue bruises around his throat he seemed asleep . His skin was still warm . The prison guards said something and left a moment later after receiving no reply , the princeling having stopped paying attention to them . The corpse took his whole attention . The man was still in tattered rags . Most of the others had abandoned their chosen body to come observe him now . A fresh corpse was rare , and never this fresh . Those unlucky enough to get the last body often had to deal with the stench of decay . If the bright lively blood had not confirmed it , a moan from the man and his eyes opening did . One of the youngest boys fainted . A few turned to help him , even more turned away entirely , but Pierre continued to watch in silence . He had seen men die before but every experience was new . Had he been dead and come back through a miracle , or had the doctor on staff at the prison merely not done his job ? Someone finally yelled out that they would run and get a professor and the door slammed on his way out . Pierre bent over the body and touched his pulse . The neck was bruised and swollen , presumably by the hanging that hadn 't managed to snap the spine , but it throbbed a slow heartbeat . He wrapped a the rest of his hand around the windpipe . No one was looking at him , no one dared looked up to see the eyes of a man who had been pronounced dead . He squeezed , and there was a gargling noise before the heartbeat stopped . " Well he is not alive now . Do not worry , it is nothing you did , merely a dead man hanging on to life as tightly as he could until no more . See , he is malnourished , dehydrated , and was through a trauma . Let us merely call it a delayed hanging and leave it at that . " " With medical attention , " Pierre agreed . Attention a class full of students could have begun to provide until someone with more knowledge arrived . But the man was a prisoner sent to death . He would have only been executed once more . This was in a way kinder . Pierre had the feeling she had been about to inform him of the man 's innocence , a mistake in the roi 's judgement ( for the roi was the duc in this land as well ) . But even if that were true it would no change the sentence . The roi had spoken . Pierre merely complied . This scene is very rough . I wrote it in two days , the bulk one evening with the ending tagged on the next morning . I * had * to finish writing it because it just wouldn 't go away . But now that it 's out I can 't find it in myself to edit it much . It isn 't ready for any official publication , and I don 't think I will put it up over on wattpad until I get around to fixing it , but it may offer a good overview as to what a rougher draft of my stuff looks like . So I 'll post it with the Rough tag and when I get around to fixing it up I 'll relabel it . Might be useful to compare and contrast later for me too . Ophion stopped to set up camp . After tending his horse and starting a small fire amid a circle of stones he walked around the clearing to stretch his legs . He had been riding for three days with little sleep and both he and his horse were exhausted . Today would be an early night and tomorrow likely a late morning , but they needed to rest . It would do no good to his patients if he could not take care of them . Mora , The Lady of Death , had been visiting him ever since this plague began . She spoke to him of power he could gain , power she would give , to turn the tide against the illness that ravished the land now for months . The spirits were angry , she told him , restless and in need of discipline . There was only so much she on her own could do , but if he helped her … A hiss broke through his thoughts . Looking down he saw a small garden snake amid the dead branches . It was late winter , almost spring , but perhaps he had woken the animal from its rest , or it wanted to move closer to his fire . He stepped aside to let the serpent pass , but it only stared at him . Not that he had anything against it , he was fond of snakes in fact . But to begin practicing necrocræft one chose , killed , and resurrected a creature to become their Familiar . Mora had told him before he left the last town that he was ready if he desired . The last few weeks have been difficult . He had lost more patients than he saved , and it was no guarantee the stable patients would stay that way after he left to yet another town , another tragedy . It was a dark magic , this necrocræft , one punishable by death in the kingdom of Triumphe . But there was already so much death here . If there was any way to prevent some of it , even if at the end it cost him his own life , would he not do it ? Mind made up he went to rummage through his bags . No point in delaying this . He would sleep after , letting himself rest after the journey and the magic he was about to try and perform . He wanted to kill the animal with as little suffering as possible . He had medical tools in his bag , but they were either small knives or a large saw , and trying to cut the head off a serpent with something used to cut through bone was overly harsh . Finally he settled on a cooking knife . He would have preferred something a bit larger , but it was the closest thing he could find that would do minimal damage . The snake had only moved a few inches during this time , crawling over towards the fire . It did not seem to mind him , and did not even turn its head when he knelt down on the cold ground beside it . His horse , several feet away , was not paying him any attention , probably already sleeping while standing . Ophion took a deep breath . It was just a small garden snake , barely as long as his arm . It could bite him and slither away if he was not careful , maybe spook his horse if she woke , but it was not much of a threat . He put his left hand before the snake 's head and waited . Still no alarm from the creature . He moved his hand closer , then touched the top of the head . Its tail flicked but nothing more . He raised the knife and placed it close to where his thumb rested over the snake , just above touching the neck . At least at this angle he was not looking the animal in the eye , and maybe the snake did not see the blade . Would it matter ? Did snakes have any concept of knives or how they could kill ? Another deep breath . He pulled his hand back and then slowly let it descend so that it would be in the same place . He did this two more times , making sure his aim lined up . The forth time he chopped through the animal . Blood . The tail seemed to jump away , twisting and writhing while what seemed like a never - ending stream of blood poured from it . The head just sat there under his hand . He backed away , falling into a sitting position in the grass . The blood quickly flowed up to him and began to stain his clothes . He was used to blood , especially during this plague , but this was too much . This was the amount you would find in a person , though perhaps someone young . . The body of the snake stopped moving only to begin growing . Scales became skin , the tail split in two . The head changed as well , growing larger and with hair so soaked in crimson that you could not tell what color it was supposed to be . A child . The snake that he had beheaded had transformed into a young girl right before his eyes . She lay in a pool of her own blood , eyes open and staring straight at him . " Ah , dear Ophion , " The Lady said softly . She took the head onto her lap , stroking back the girl 's hair . She made no move to close her eyes . " I killed a child , " he whispered . Shock had frozen him to his spot and he watched the display like it was a performance . If he allowed himself to grasp the reality he would go mad . " A fay child , " Mora corrected . " Living in these lands outside of Triumphe , but still within Clandestina . There is wild magic in the air here . She is not fée , but perhaps her parents are . " The Lady placed down the girl 's head and moved her body so she cradled the child . Her dark clothes were stained even darker , and the blood shone on her pale skin . Taking the severed head she placed it back on to the neck . With a finger she drew a circle around the girl 's throat , where the severing had taken place , drawing in the blood . Though it was said as a suggestion he obeyed as if it were a command . He crawled through the blood and looked over the girl . The shawl covered her from collar down . She was ten , eleven years old at most . It was hardly the first time he had seen a dead body , but never had he caused it . Even losing a patient after doing all he could was nothing to compare to this . " How ? " he asked , as if he could harm her further . She was dead , what else could he do to her ? But he did not want to hurt her any more . God , oh , God , why had he done this . He turned around to pick up the knife he had used to kill the child . The child . He did not even know her name . He did not even know her hair color , so stained was her body . He needed to wash the blood out of her hair . He needed to clean her up , give her some clothes . He needed to return her to life and never again do anything this sinful . His own blood . Blood for blood . If he slit his own throat would that be enough ? What did he have to give to bring this child back from the dead when he had been the one to put her there ? " A severe injury , " Mora said in reply . Had he spoken aloud or was the Lady more knowing than he thought . " One that may , without proper care , risk your life . " He raised the blade to his throat , but changed his mind and lowered it again . If he did not live long enough to even try the cræft it would be useless . Instead he moved the knife to his wrist . He was not a surgeon , but he understood the body . If he cut deep enough this might kill him , but it would take some time . Before he could ask what next he felt her . It was like his body housed a second soul , filling his chest and making him light and dizzy . A heartbeat that should not exist began to thump in his ears . He reached out , with both his mind and his hand , and through the planes of existence found the girl 's soul in the land of the dead . She waited for him , smiling , and so very curious about the magic he was doing . Without hesitation she placed her hand in his and suddenly reality was around them again . The soft thump of her heartbeat still filled his body as his own began to slow . He was still bleeding from the wrist , adding even more red to this clearing that looked as if a massacre had taken place . Before he lost consciousness he saw the girl open her eyes and smile . I had not expected such a long and graphic scene when I began this . I knew Ophion had killed Eglė as a snake , thinking she was just an animal , and she turned into a girl after her death . He then , as you may know from Larkspur , adopts her as his daughter . This incident is mentioned off - hand in Delphinium , and I plan to expand of this even further in a novella called Famula . It is during the time of a great plague and in his desperation he begins to study necrocræft . Unlike Pierre , who is fascinated with death , Ophion is trying to do for good reasons . But dark magic is not to be played with . He had been told to leave the birthing room when the bleeding had increased . His pleas and demands to remain were ignored despite his rank , and the common sense that he would not interfere . He just wanted to stay with her . She had been pale and already so weak , her grip on his hand less strong than when they danced ( when just a few days ago they had jested she might break his fingers during the worst pains ) . She could not hold on as he was removed by his own servants and shoved through the door . Her last words echoed in his head on repeat , " My love , Félicien . . ! " Now she was dead . The doctor apologized as if that made any difference to him . He had not been beside her when she passed , had not comforted , or held , or praised her for giving him his children , being his beloved wife , and the very reason he was even here . Anger cut through grief and he vowed to punish those that had separated them . So small , Félicien thought , unwrapping the baby just enough to see it was a girl - child . Smaller than his son had been at birth . And born almost on the same day - tomorrow would be Pierre 's birthday . But they had been conceived at different times of the year , and it was too early for her . Ophélie should have still carried her for three more months . It was not until late afternoon that they realized her pains were not false , and her brother , a doctor , was too far away to make it in time . A local doctor was called instead . They had hoped it would not matter , their daughter had been conceived in Faery and time was an unsure thing in that plane , and they would just meet their new child earlier than thought . But no . She was too small in his arms and would have fit snugly in one palm . And why were they handing her to him ? Shouldn 't the doctor be doing something , it could not be good for a child to be born this early . Halfway through the doctor speaking , when he was sure his legs would hold him , the duc stood and walked out of the room with his little girl held close . His beloved was dead and his daughter would soon follow , there was not time for such nonsense . A part of him thought to perhaps call his son along , but Pierre was still too young and needed not know of death so intimately . They would speak tonight and grieve together then . He wandered out into the gardens that were let grow wild since he became duc . They were an extension of the forest now , yet still tended and having been shaped by human hands . He preferred it like this , and his wife did - had - too . He hadn 't seen Ophélie before he left . He couldn 't see her . If he saw her dead he would begin to weep and never stop , and his children needed him . Pierre was still a child and this little girl … she was still here for now . " Morgaine , " he whispered into the girl 's ear . " Morgaine Ophélie . " He had not know what name his wife had wishes to give their daughter , one name was given by each parent in this realm , but perhaps it was better this way . No one would know her true second name and no one could take power over her in that way . A superstition in this plane , but very true in Faery . He had learned quickly to give a false second name or be a slave while living there . The baby gurgled , making a happy noise for the first time , and seemed to accept being named in part after her mother . Félicien walked with no destination in mind , wishing only to wander the natural land until Morgaine passed . The forest of early spring , trees full with new leaves and flowers that seemed to offer condolences with their stretched - out branches , was comforting . The day 's sunlight flickered between the leaves , painting the forest and his child . Her eyes , a deep blue , seemed tinged with violet in the shade . Morgaine watched the sky , the leaves , reaching to touch flowers that bent down as if to brush her cheeks . Every so often she would wiggle or laugh . They walked until twilight , until she lay peaceful and asleep , but still breathing . He held her so that when she breathed out he felt it on his neck . It would not be safe to walk once full dark came over the land . Maybe she could still pull through , the doctor had after all not thought she would live this long . And she seemed to be gaining strength not losing it . He turned around to return home . The trees no longer held flowers , the branches heavy with the growth of a season . The sun shone from the opposing side it had been on before , bringing the dawn , not leaving for the evening . He must have walked through the planes without realizing it and now stood in Faery . " I must go back , " he called . But even as he said this he was not very sure of it . He was the duc , yes , but he rarely did much in the way of ruling his land . His steward did that . He had not grown up there , and even living in that plane for almost a decade had not truly endeared him to humanity ( beside his wife and her family ) . He was always the outsider , even as the blood heir of Piques , because he had been spirited away to this magical land as a child . Pierre . His son , who would be seven years old tomorrow , was not here . But would the boy like living here ? He was more his mother 's son , interested in the politics Félicien himself ignored , and always wanting to know more about the medicine his uncle knew . He would not find the same whimsy here . Another feeling crept up his neck , a truth that if he tried to return to get Pierre he would not be able to find his way back . His daughter would die and he would be in exile from his true home . His daughter began again to squirm in his arms almost wriggling out of his grasp . He adjusted her , feeling she suddenly weighted more . His arms must be tired from holding her so long . But her cheeks , which had been pale before , were now rosy in this new place . She reached for him and grabbed at his clothes with a strength she hadn 't earlier . Her eyes were now entirely violet . His child could survive here . Faery , where a day could mean a year , and a lifetime could be lived without aging . She was already looking better , stronger , as if she had been born at the right time even . And his grief , while still heavy on his heart , seemed somewhat lighter than before . This was coming home , returning to the land he had lived in for half a century and yet only a decade . He began to cry once more , only now with joy . When I first began to write Delphinium , I had the idea that Pierre was selfish and did not much care for his people and the politics around him . And while in some ways that is true , being treated as a noble or a royal makes him somewhat uneasy , he does want to do as much as he can for others . It seems the more selfish one was actually his father , who spent his childhood in Faery and was therefore always not too trusted in Piques . If the fantastic racism is as bad as it is for Pierre ( which I 'm learning is quite bad ) , it must have been far worse for Félicien . So given the chance to make a break , even at the expense of his son , but for his daughter 's life . . it would be something that he would do . She could read some , but not as much as she would like . Given her age though that was not unusual , and a just - turned - seven year old Elizabeth Anne flipped through the pages of a journal looking for pictures to help explain the words . There were sketches of people , many of them cut open , organs labeled and then redrawn in more detail on the adjacent pages . A doctor 's journal , then . Or maybe one of the students that got to learn from the Lord Physician ? She really did not know whose room she had wandered into , but it had been the first open door she found when running away from her caretaker . Lizzy was supposed to be taught at home , at least that is what her mother said , but so far aside from her alphabet and a few sentences she did not know much . Her brother bragged that when he had been seven he already knew far more than she did : reading , maths , and geography . Now her brother got to work on his studies at the castle ! For a month ! At least she had managed to get her own visit . She had said that it was her birthday wish to see her brother , and her father , wont to indulge her whenever possible , had made arrangements immediately . While it was true she did miss Piers , she also wanted to see the castle herself . Her mother almost certainly knew her real wish but had gone along with her plan and was her chaperon most days . " Hey ! Lizzy , what are you doing here ? " She whirled towards the door . One of her hands knocked over an inkpot and she stained the desk , herself , and her clothes . Her brother stood in the entrance , no doubt ready to tell her off for being where she shouldn 't be , and now for this accident . Having no idea which halls led where , only being on her third day here , she did not take any specific route beside ' which way to be furthest from Piers . ' Which meant any way , as long as she was faster than he was . It seemed to be working as her brother 's protests towards her were getting quieter . A waft of fresh air pointed her towards the outside . She ran with the breeze as her guide and found herself in the gardens soon . Lizzy slowed , finally tired and feeling safe . She could no longer hear Piers at all . Walking along the paths to look at all the flowers , she was fairly sure she was no longer being followed even at a distance . Once past the fountains she made her way into the wild meadows beyond , bordering woods that still belonged to the roi but probably not within the boundaries she was supposed to be staying in . She had promised her mother she would not wander from the castle ( the comtesse knowing her daughter well and likely planning for an escape alresdy ) . Feeling a little guilty , she had not intended to go so far out on purpose , she was about to turn back but heard a cat meowing . A boy then spoke . " I don 't need it . I have food , even if I don 't catch it myself . " Well , she thought , if that boy is so far out maybe it still counted as being part of the castle grounds . And she could make a new friend ! " Bonjour ! " she called , rushing over with renewed energy . " Wait , stop ! " The boy put both of his hands out in front of himself and she froze mid - step . A squeak made them both look down to where Lizzy would have placed her next foot . A dying field mouse with still - twitching legs laid in the grass . She stumbled back away from it and the cat snatched it from the ground , running off with her prize . Blood stained in the grass . " I - I missed when sharpening my quill , " he said , trying to hide his hand behind his back . Lizzy though , with the practice of a younger sibling , grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand so she could see . Before he could say anything else against it , she dabbed the mark with a bit of lace at her wrist and then kissed it . " Thank you , " he began , but stopped whatever he had been intending to say in favor of looking at his now healed hand . He flipped it over , looking at his hand from both sides , as if wondering where the cut had moved . His eyes widened when he saw the dark ink all over her skirt . " Healing magic , " Lizzy said . " Mother says I have a knack for it . And this is just ink , I spilled some in someone 's room . " " Your Graceful Highness , " she heard her brother say . " If I may beg of you , have you seen a young girl in blue ? She is my sister and I was to be taking care of her . " " Oui , honorable Piers , " the boy said . Lizzy scrunched her face - she had asked nicely that he lie for her . But he continued , " she was out here and then ran back into the castle . Take the eastern door . " She waited an entire minute before moving her from place and sitting in front of the boy . " Oh , thank you so much ! I don 't wish to cause trouble , but I just wanted an adventure . " " I am not ! Well … somewhat . The roi and reine have taken me in to live as their son after my uncle became Lord Physician . I 'm only the heir to a duchy , " he finished , as if that in and of itself did not mean much . Lizzy curtsied to him and bowed her head . " A pleasure to meet you , Your Grace . My father is the comte of Eichel , so even so you are more important than I am . " " The pleasure is all mine , " he replied automatically , lessons in manners and polite society making this greeting far less spontaneous than before . " But I do not think I am more important than you . We have just met . " Why are you running away from him ? " he continued , gesturing to where her brother had run off . " He 's nice . We have taken two lessons together , I like him . " " Oh , yes , he is a good brother , " Lizzy replied . " But I wanted to explore and have fun , while the nanny wanted me to stay with her . He is trying to show off for her and is no doubt here on her orders . " " If you want to explore , then , Midsummer begins tonight . There will be a festival in the town , but if you come with me we can go to the forests . I haven 't lived in this duchy long , but I think the fée have a presence here . " " Fairies ? " Lizzy asked , suddenly interested . " We leave food for them on Midsummer night ! Mother said not to while we 're here though , that the people of Cœurs try and stay away from the fairy traditions . " " That 's not good . They might get angry then , and you don 't want to be the source of a fairy 's anger . Let 's sneak some food out to the forests just in case . " And the two made their way to the kitchens where they were given snacks by the cooks , and so much food that it was surely too much for just the children to eat ( but not questioning the new prince and his friend ) . The nanny found them soon after , but only made Lizzy change into a new dress as the one she was was almost beyond repair . That evening they went to the woods and left honey - bread and milk , even Piers coming along after he was done being angry at being tricked . I started this scene months ago , first from Pierre 's point of view before rewriting it to be more through Lizzy 's eyes . The ending , where Midsummer and the fée Autumnfinding is mentioned just came up today as I decided to finish it up . Lizzy 's birthday is the 27th of Iovilios ( roughly July ) , and so she would be at the castle in time for Midautumn ( Agostis / August 1st ) . This takes place on the 30th , the night before , when officially all the festivities begin . As we ( myself included ) begin to learn in Delphinium the duchy of Cœurs is less open about fée , magic , and things not - human than some other places . Things Pierre did as a child while his fay - Father was around slowly became things of the past as he grew up , and especially since he went away to school . Meeting up with Lizzy again in Larkspur , and then returning to Piques brings back more of the old traditions . As for the writing - it is a bit rough . But the point of these scenes was that I write more , quickly , and show parts of the story that may not ever make it into proper book form . I seemed to forget that as soon as I established that fact , because this scene has been lingering in my Scrivener folder for far too long to just be ' a quick thing I write and put online . ' It is canon though , and may be referenced in the books or even shown in a flashback at some point - where the words may be a bit more polished , but the story the same . |
When last we left our heroes , one was inside the hospital on a stretcher and the other was having a total melt down in the parking lot . Will Kevin be leaving the hospital today ? Will Sara pull it together and actually go in the hospital ? Let 's find out in The Story of the Beginning of Kevin 's Special Brain Powers - Part 2 . I asked my mom if she would come inside the hospital with me , just so I didn 't have to come back out and let them know that Kevin was indeed there and was not moved to another hospital or anything . So , Paul stood by the van to keep an eye on the kids and mom and I went in . The place was absolutely empty . I got to the desk and the administration nurse asked me if I was here for the man brought in by ambulance . I said yes I was and asked if he was there . After she said that he was there , mom left to get the kids back to her house and I was taken back to where he was . He had been there for about 30 or 40 minutes at that time . They didn 't have the sirens going on the ambulance because there was no traffic at that time of night , but they did have the lights going so they got there fast . I went back to sit with Kevin . He looked OK and was no longer confused . He knew he had a seizure and knew that the hospital was the place he needed to be so they could get to the bottom of it all . The nurses there were absolutely incredible and kind . We were asked all of the same questions that the paramedics asked - job , how many kids , any history of seizures , what were you doing when it happened etc . - and then came the questions that Kevin and I were to get very familiar with over the next few days . " Do you know what day it is " ( he got that one wrong but the nurse gave him a pass anyway as it was the wee hours of Friday morning and he said it was Thrusday ) , " What city are you in " " Do you know where you are " and the nurse left us alone for a while . I can 't really remember what we talked about in that time , but I do remember we were laughing and joking around with each other . It is just our nature to make light and laugh when we want to cry . The nurse assigned to Kevin came in after about 25 mintues and had some funny conversation with us for a bit … but she came with an IV for Kevin . So with her pleasure came some pain . Now , Kevin had never had an IV before . Never . He had to have one so they would be able to get some drugs in him if he started seizing again . Kevin did not like the IV experience . Not . At . All . They put it in his arm , not in his hand , and got it in on the first try , but it was not a pleasant experience for him . The nurse told us that Kevin would be getting a CT soon and asked us if we needed any thing or had any questions . I asked her how they would keep Kevin from having a seizure if he started to have one again . She told me they would put anti - seizure medication in his IV and it just kind of shuts down the brain . I remember us having a conversation with the nurse about seizure medications and seizures in general , but I can 't for the life of me remember what was said . After we were done our conversation , she left us alone to do some nurse - y type stuff . Kevin kept on pointing to his IV and saying " OW ! " These were my exact words to him " Priorities , there Kev . You just had a seizure . Let 's not focus on the IV . Mmm ' kay ? " To which he would reply " Ow ! " and point to the IV . ( Kevin , if you 're reading this , you know I love ya ! Mwah ! But , um you 're a bit of a wimp . Yeah … I think you know that , right ? You 've had many IVs since then and it 's still always the same . ) Someone came and to get Kevin to bring him to CT after a bit . I followed along and sat outside the waiting room while Kevin got his CT . I was tired . I was in bed at 1 : 00 and up at 4 : 00 with all of this . Sitting in the waiting room at CT was the first time I relaxed . I was just leafing through a magazine and trying to keep awake . The CT didn 't take long , however , so I didn 't get a chance to relax for long . The orderly walked really , really fast . She was such a nice lady and talked to us the whole way back to emerg , but she was one fast walker ! And I remember being freezing . They kept piling Kevin up with blankets from the warmer but I was so , so cold . And then when we were whizzing down the halls , I just started shivering . Why are hospitals so cold ? We got back to emerg , and Kevin and I stated talking again . We were thinkging that the CT was going to come back normal and Kevin would be able to go home and would have to see a specialist or something . We were our usual joking selves but by that time , the laughter was really hard to stop . We were both so tired , physically and emotionally and we could not stop laughing . We were right across from the nurses ' station and the two nurses were laughing at us . We knew that , but didn 't care . It was all in good fun . Then , the resident in the emergency department came in to talk to us about the results of the CT . She told us that there was a mass found in Kevin 's brain but could not say what it was . We were told that University Hospital has a neurology unit and Kevin would be transfered there as soon as possible . She said that the mass could be anything from a virus to a tumour and they would be able to tell us more there . We stopped laughing . The nurse came over to check on us and we were both crying . She brought us a box of tissue and I can remember her exact words she said to us and the compassion on her face . " Not the news you wanted to hear . " A bit of an understatement , but I was so grateful for her for saying anything at all . It made it all OK that we were falling apart . She didn 't expect us to be cheerful through that news , and that was what I was really grateful for . Kevin kept on saying " What if it 's cancer ? " and I kept on telling him " Let 's wait to find out . " Then he said " It 's coffee and muffin day today " very quietly . At the company he worked for at that time , they buy a bunch of muffins and brew a huge pot of coffee when a new person starts working there . They put all of this in the new guy 's office and people come in to get a muffin and cup of coffee and greet the new guy . That day was to be Kevin 's coffee and muffin day . He had bought a plastic table cloth and put an extra table in his office the day before in preparation . The funniest things are important to you when your world is turned upside down . The nurse came back in and told us Kevin would be transfered in about 20 minutes . I asked her if I could use a phone to call my mom so she wouldn 't try calling there for an update or to get a hold of me . I got to the patient phone and dialled my mom 's number and got her machine . It was after 6 : 00 at this point and I figured that they were sleeping . I was surprised that mom didn 't answer the phone to get an update but figured that she was just that tired ( I sure was ) . So , I left a really tearful , incoherent message telling her that they found a mass in Kevin 's brain and he was being transfered to University and I would update her when I knew more . I hung up and went back to Kevin 's bed . When I got back to his bed , the nurses were arranging with some paramedics to get Kevin over to University hospital . Because he had an IV , a nurse had to go with them . While they were discussing all of this , Kevin said to me very quietly " It 's starting again " . I ran over to the nurse and told her Kevin said he was starting to have another seizure . If you want to see nurses move fast , telling them someone is having a seizure is the way to do it ! They grabbed the syringe , injected his IV and asked him what he felt now . He said that he was still having his pre - seizure aura ( a word the nurse taught us earlier ) and so they put more in . When he still felt it , they put in a really big dose . The nurse told me he would not be able to stay conscious with that much in him , but they could not risk him having a seizure during transfer . His eyes started to get heavy , but he was fighting it . I said to him " Don 't fight it , Kev . Just go to sleep . It 's OK . " He still continued to fight it and told me he didn 't want to sleep and leave me alone . I told him not to worry about me , just stop fighting it and he would see me when he woke up . He drifted off to sleep at that point and the nurse told me that they would be moving him really soon . I asked her how I was to get to the hospital and she gave me a taxi voucher and told me there was a direct line phone to the cab company by the doors to emerg . They pushed Kevin 's stretcher through some doors I was not allowed to go through and I went to the phones and called my cab . I stood outside the doors waiting for the taxi to come pick me up . The sun was up , the sky was beautifully blue with not a cloud and there was a wonderful breeze blowing . People were driving past the hospital on their way to work . I couldn 't believe just how normal the day was . All of this normal activity was going on , all of these people were doing normal things and here I was , wondering if my husband was dying . It was a very surreal experience . While I was waiting for my cab , I saw the nurse and paramedics put Kevin 's stretcher in the back of an ambulance and drive off . That was hard . Once the ambulance was out of the parking lot , the lights and sirens were turned on and Kevin was on his way to University Hospital while I was left standing there waiting for my cab . The cab came to pick me up and off we went , across the city to University Hospital . Being that it was rush hour , the ride took a lot longer than I would have liked . I wanted to scream at all of the people in the morning traffic . Didn 't they know that my life was changing ! How could they act so normal ! I probably should have used the time to sleep . I was dropped off at the emergency room entrance and made my way to the administration desk . The nurse got an orderly to take me to Kevin and he was still unconscious . It was shortly after 7 : 00 by this time and he would remain mainly unconscious through blood being taken on two occasions and numerous pupil tests until 12 : 00 . ( And here is a measure of my love for Kevin . He had a huge zit on the bridge of his nose that was begging to be squeezed but I didn 't touch it . Even though he wouldn 't have woken up . ) I decided to call my mom again to tell her that we got to University Hospital OK and that I don 't know any more than when I called before . She answered the phone on the first ring and told me she had been waiting for me to call . I told her that they found something in Kevin 's brain and she just said " What ! " I filled her in on all I knew and I told her I called earlier and left a message and she said she didn 't hear the phone ring and there was no message . So , it was a bit of a mystery . We thought maybe the phone just went screwy or something . I saw someone going into Kevin 's bed area in emerg and told my mom I had to go . We hung up and I went to talk to the neuro resident for the first time . Kevin was still sleeping and she wanted to do some tests but said it could wait until he woke up . She told me that they gave him four times the regualar dose of medication and so he 'll be out of it for a while longer . She asked me a lot of questions about what exactly happened when he had his seizure . Was it his whole body ? What part was affected first ? How long before he lost consciousness ? How long did the whole thing last ? What is the family history ? And on and on and on . Boy was she thorough ! She did some reflex tests , had blood drawn then looked at Kevin 's pupils . After all of the questions and poking and prodding , she told me that she looked at the results of the CT scans . She said it looks like a cerebral arteriovenous malformation or something else I don 't remember but it is not a cancerous growth as far as they can tell . She said to know for sure the will do and MRI but she was 98 % positive that it was not a tumour . I waited until 9 : 00 to call Kevin 's parents . I told them Kevin had three seizures in a twelve hour period and was in University Hospital and they found something in his brain . I told them that they were pretty sure it was not a tumour . I told them to call whoever they thought would need to or like to know and I would continue to update them as I knew more . Then I asked him ( I was talking to Kevin 's dad ) to not come to the hospital . That may seem insensitive to some , after all , it was his son who we were talking about . But , there was only one person who was allowed back in the emergency area and everyone else had to wait in the waiting room . I didn 't want to worry about having to " entertain " someone in the waiting room and as it was , I could see Kevin from where I was calling . If I had to go to the waiting room to update someone , I would have to leave Kevin and I didn 't want to do that . I got off the phone with Kevin 's dad and called my mom and told her we knew that it was most likely not cancer and that 's all we knew for sure right now . I then asked her to call Kevin 's work and let them know what was going on . I felt badly about askng her to to that , but I didn 't have the number and Kevin was sill sleeping . Plus it was long distance so I didn 't want to make that call from the hospital . I then called my work and told them I wouldn 't be in that night and that I would be in to talk to HR on Monday about when I would be back . I had started that job in mid - July and I was worried about being fired for missing a lot of days before my three month probation was up . After all of the phone calls were done , I went and sat with Kevin . And I sat . And I sat . And I sat . Then I walked a bit . Then I sat some more . The nurses in emerg came over to me and told me to go get something to eat . They were filled in on what went on and knew that I had been at this since 4 : 00am . It was about 9 : 00 at that point . So they pointed me in the direction of Tim Horton 's and I bought myself something to eat and a hot chocolate and brought it back to Kevin 's bed . Then I ate and sat and sat and sat . At 10 : 00 , the neuro resident came back to examine Kevin . Seeing that he was still asleep , she told me that she was had to wake him to do some tests . She drew more blood before waking him up and then woke him up . It took a very long time to wake him up . She did reflex tests , picked him lightly with a pin and asked if he could feel it , asked him to push on her hands etc . etc . etc . He stayed awake for all of that and after she left promptly fell back to sleep . When last we left our heroes , one was inside the hospital on a stretcher and the other was having a total melt down in the parking lot . Will Kevin be leaving the hospital today ? Will Sara pull it together and actually go in the hospital ? Let 's find out in The Story of the Beginning of Kevin 's Special Brain Powers - Part 2 . I asked my mom if she would come inside the hospital with me , just so I didn 't have to come back out and let them know that Kevin was indeed there and was not moved to another hospital or anything . So , Paul stood by the van to keep an eye on the kids and mom and I went in . The place was absolutely empty . I got to the desk and the administration nurse asked me if I was here for the man brought in by ambulance . I said yes I was and asked if he was there . After she said that he was there , mom left to get the kids back to her house and I was taken back to where he was . He had been there for about 30 or 40 minutes at that time . They didn 't have the sirens going on the ambulance because there was no traffic at that time of night , but they did have the lights going so they got there fast . I went back to sit with Kevin . He looked OK and was no longer confused . He knew he had a seizure and knew that the hospital was the place he needed to be so they could get to the bottom of it all . The nurses there were absolutely incredible and kind . We were asked all of the same questions that the paramedics asked - job , how many kids , any history of seizures , what were you doing when it happened etc . - and then came the questions that Kevin and I were to get very familiar with over the next few days . " Do you know what day it is " ( he got that one wrong but the nurse gave him a pass anyway as it was the wee hours of Friday morning and he said it was Thrusday ) , " What city are you in " " Do you know where you are " and the nurse left us alone for a while . I can 't really remember what we talked about in that time , but I do remember we were laughing and joking around with each other . It is just our nature to make light and laugh when we want to cry . The nurse assigned to Kevin came in after about 25 mintues and had some funny conversation with us for a bit … but she came with an IV for Kevin . So with her pleasure came some pain . Now , Kevin had never had an IV before . Never . He had to have one so they would be able to get some drugs in him if he started seizing again . Kevin did not like the IV experience . Not . At . All . They put it in his arm , not in his hand , and got it in on the first try , but it was not a pleasant experience for him . The nurse told us that Kevin would be getting a CT soon and asked us if we needed any thing or had any questions . I asked her how they would keep Kevin from having a seizure if he started to have one again . She told me they would put anti - seizure medication in his IV and it just kind of shuts down the brain . I remember us having a conversation with the nurse about seizure medications and seizures in general , but I can 't for the life of me remember what was said . After we were done our conversation , she left us alone to do some nurse - y type stuff . Kevin kept on pointing to his IV and saying " OW ! " These were my exact words to him " Priorities , there Kev . You just had a seizure . Let 's not focus on the IV . Mmm ' kay ? " To which he would reply " Ow ! " and point to the IV . ( Kevin , if you 're reading this , you know I love ya ! Mwah ! But , um you 're a bit of a wimp . Yeah … I think you know that , right ? You 've had many IVs since then and it 's still always the same . ) Someone came and to get Kevin to bring him to CT after a bit . I followed along and sat outside the waiting room while Kevin got his CT . I was tired . I was in bed at 1 : 00 and up at 4 : 00 with all of this . Sitting in the waiting room at CT was the first time I relaxed . I was just leafing through a magazine and trying to keep awake . The CT didn 't take long , however , so I didn 't get a chance to relax for long . The orderly walked really , really fast . She was such a nice lady and talked to us the whole way back to emerg , but she was one fast walker ! And I remember being freezing . They kept piling Kevin up with blankets from the warmer but I was so , so cold . And then when we were whizzing down the halls , I just started shivering . Why are hospitals so cold ? We got back to emerg , and Kevin and I stated talking again . We were thinkging that the CT was going to come back normal and Kevin would be able to go home and would have to see a specialist or something . We were our usual joking selves but by that time , the laughter was really hard to stop . We were both so tired , physically and emotionally and we could not stop laughing . We were right across from the nurses ' station and the two nurses were laughing at us . We knew that , but didn 't care . It was all in good fun . Then , the resident in the emergency department came in to talk to us about the results of the CT . She told us that there was a mass found in Kevin 's brain but could not say what it was . We were told that University Hospital has a neurology unit and Kevin would be transfered there as soon as possible . She said that the mass could be anything from a virus to a tumour and they would be able to tell us more there . We stopped laughing . The nurse came over to check on us and we were both crying . She brought us a box of tissue and I can remember her exact words she said to us and the compassion on her face . " Not the news you wanted to hear . " A bit of an understatement , but I was so grateful for her for saying anything at all . It made it all OK that we were falling apart . She didn 't expect us to be cheerful through that news , and that was what I was really grateful for . Kevin kept on saying " What if it 's cancer ? " and I kept on telling him " Let 's wait to find out . " Then he said " It 's coffee and muffin day today " very quietly . At the company he worked for at that time , they buy a bunch of muffins and brew a huge pot of coffee when a new person starts working there . They put all of this in the new guy 's office and people come in to get a muffin and cup of coffee and greet the new guy . That day was to be Kevin 's coffee and muffin day . He had bought a plastic table cloth and put an extra table in his office the day before in preparation . The funniest things are important to you when your world is turned upside down . The nurse came back in and told us Kevin would be transfered in about 20 minutes . I asked her if I could use a phone to call my mom so she wouldn 't try calling there for an update or to get a hold of me . I got to the patient phone and dialled my mom 's number and got her machine . It was after 6 : 00 at this point and I figured that they were sleeping . I was surprised that mom didn 't answer the phone to get an update but figured that she was just that tired ( I sure was ) . So , I left a really tearful , incoherent message telling her that they found a mass in Kevin 's brain and he was being transfered to University and I would update her when I knew more . I hung up and went back to Kevin 's bed . When I got back to his bed , the nurses were arranging with some paramedics to get Kevin over to University hospital . Because he had an IV , a nurse had to go with them . While they were discussing all of this , Kevin said to me very quietly " It 's starting again " . I ran over to the nurse and told her Kevin said he was starting to have another seizure . If you want to see nurses move fast , telling them someone is having a seizure is the way to do it ! They grabbed the syringe , injected his IV and asked him what he felt now . He said that he was still having his pre - seizure aura ( a word the nurse taught us earlier ) and so they put more in . When he still felt it , they put in a really big dose . The nurse told me he would not be able to stay conscious with that much in him , but they could not risk him having a seizure during transfer . His eyes started to get heavy , but he was fighting it . I said to him " Don 't fight it , Kev . Just go to sleep . It 's OK . " He still continued to fight it and told me he didn 't want to sleep and leave me alone . I told him not to worry about me , just stop fighting it and he would see me when he woke up . He drifted off to sleep at that point and the nurse told me that they would be moving him really soon . I asked her how I was to get to the hospital and she gave me a taxi voucher and told me there was a direct line phone to the cab company by the doors to emerg . They pushed Kevin 's stretcher through some doors I was not allowed to go through and I went to the phones and called my cab . I stood outside the doors waiting for the taxi to come pick me up . The sun was up , the sky was beautifully blue with not a cloud and there was a wonderful breeze blowing . People were driving past the hospital on their way to work . I couldn 't believe just how normal the day was . All of this normal activity was going on , all of these people were doing normal things and here I was , wondering if my husband was dying . It was a very surreal experience . While I was waiting for my cab , I saw the nurse and paramedics put Kevin 's stretcher in the back of an ambulance and drive off . That was hard . Once the ambulance was out of the parking lot , the lights and sirens were turned on and Kevin was on his way to University Hospital while I was left standing there waiting for my cab . The cab came to pick me up and off we went , across the city to University Hospital . Being that it was rush hour , the ride took a lot longer than I would have liked . I wanted to scream at all of the people in the morning traffic . Didn 't they know that my life was changing ! How could they act so normal ! I probably should have used the time to sleep . I was dropped off at the emergency room entrance and made my way to the administration desk . The nurse got an orderly to take me to Kevin and he was still unconscious . It was shortly after 7 : 00 by this time and he would remain mainly unconscious through blood being taken on two occasions and numerous pupil tests until 12 : 00 . ( And here is a measure of my love for Kevin . He had a huge zit on the bridge of his nose that was begging to be squeezed but I didn 't touch it . Even though he wouldn 't have woken up . ) I decided to call my mom again to tell her that we got to University Hospital OK and that I don 't know any more than when I called before . She answered the phone on the first ring and told me she had been waiting for me to call . I told her that they found something in Kevin 's brain and she just said " What ! " I filled her in on all I knew and I told her I called earlier and left a message and she said she didn 't hear the phone ring and there was no message . So , it was a bit of a mystery . We thought maybe the phone just went screwy or something . I saw someone going into Kevin 's bed area in emerg and told my mom I had to go . We hung up and I went to talk to the neuro resident for the first time . Kevin was still sleeping and she wanted to do some tests but said it could wait until he woke up . She told me that they gave him four times the regualar dose of medication and so he 'll be out of it for a while longer . She asked me a lot of questions about what exactly happened when he had his seizure . Was it his whole body ? What part was affected first ? How long before he lost consciousness ? How long did the whole thing last ? What is the family history ? And on and on and on . Boy was she thorough ! She did some reflex tests , had blood drawn then looked at Kevin 's pupils . After all of the questions and poking and prodding , she told me that she looked at the results of the CT scans . She said it looks like a cerebral arteriovenous malformation or something else I don 't remember but it is not a cancerous growth as far as they can tell . She said to know for sure the will do and MRI but she was 98 % positive that it was not a tumour . I waited until 9 : 00 to call Kevin 's parents . I told them Kevin had three seizures in a twelve hour period and was in University Hospital and they found something in his brain . I told them that they were pretty sure it was not a tumour . I told them to call whoever they thought would need to or like to know and I would continue to update them as I knew more . Then I asked him ( I was talking to Kevin 's dad ) to not come to the hospital . That may seem insensitive to some , after all , it was his son who we were talking about . But , there was only one person who was allowed back in the emergency area and everyone else had to wait in the waiting room . I didn 't want to worry about having to " entertain " someone in the waiting room and as it was , I could see Kevin from where I was calling . If I had to go to the waiting room to update someone , I would have to leave Kevin and I didn 't want to do that . I got off the phone with Kevin 's dad and called my mom and told her we knew that it was most likely not cancer and that 's all we knew for sure right now . I then asked her to call Kevin 's work and let them know what was going on . I felt badly about askng her to to that , but I didn 't have the number and Kevin was sill sleeping . Plus it was long distance so I didn 't want to make that call from the hospital . I then called my work and told them I wouldn 't be in that night and that I would be in to talk to HR on Monday about when I would be back . I had started that job in mid - July and I was worried about being fired for missing a lot of days before my three month probation was up . After all of the phone calls were done , I went and sat with Kevin . And I sat . And I sat . And I sat . Then I walked a bit . Then I sat some more . The nurses in emerg came over to me and told me to go get something to eat . They were filled in on what went on and knew that I had been at this since 4 : 00am . It was about 9 : 00 at that point . So they pointed me in the direction of Tim Horton 's and I bought myself something to eat and a hot chocolate and brought it back to Kevin 's bed . Then I ate and sat and sat and sat . At 10 : 00 , the neuro resident came back to examine Kevin . Seeing that he was still asleep , she told me that she was had to wake him to do some tests . She drew more blood before waking him up and then woke him up . It took a very long time to wake him up . She did reflex tests , picked him lightly with a pin and asked if he could feel it , asked him to push on her hands etc . etc . etc . He stayed awake for all of that and after she left promptly fell back to sleep . I was working nights at Sparton Electronics ( yes , I spelled Sparton right ) and called Kevin at my supper break at 9 : 00 as I normally did . He told me he had fallen asleep and had a strange dream that he was lying on the floor and not able to get up . In his dream , he tried to yell for Lilly to call my mom but couldn 't get the words out . He told me that before his dream , he had a weird feeling in his arm and leg . He told me he didn 't know he even fell asleep and the next thing he knew he was in the bathroom . I told him to just get some rest if he wasn 't feeling well and I would call at my next break at 11 : 30 . I told him if he was sleeping to not bother getting up to get the phone . I got home at 2 : 00am and read for a bit to get some down time . Then I crawled into bed with Kevin , Rosemary and Victoria . Kevin woke for a bit and said he was feeling strange still , I told him to get some sleep . To tell the truth , I was kind of annoyed with Kevin right then . I can 't really explain why , just a feeling of frustration that he can 't even take care of his own issues and had to foist them on me . I was tired , it was past 2 : 00am , I was just getting off my shift , I was irrational . I drifted off to sleep . At around 4 : 00 , I woke up because the bed was shaking . I nudged Kevin and told him he was kicking in his sleep . He responded that he wasn 't doing it on purpose and that this had happened before he had his strange dream . I have to admit that even at that point , I was annoyed with him . I told him to stop it . Then his arm left arm started shaking . He grabbed his left wrist with his right hand and tried to stop the shaking and told me he was trying to make it stop . As he fell back on his pillow , his left arm went straight out to his side and continued convulsing , all the while hitting poor Victoria in the head . I scooted her out of the way and then called 911 . They told me it sounded like he was having a seizure and an ambulance was on the way . They asked me if he had ever had a seizure before , and I told them no . They told me to make sure he was breathing OK . I said he was making strange noises and how do I know he 's breathing OK . They asked me what did the noises sound like . I told them like gurgling , choking kind of noises . They asked if he was choking on his tongue and I said " How the hell should I know ! He 's never had a seizure before ! " Then the shaking began to lessen and so I told them I think he 's stopping and hung up on them . That is when the adrenalin really kicked in . I got off the phone with 911 and Kevin stopped shaking . His seizure lasted two to three minutes , with him being unconscious for a good chunk of those minutes . When he stopped shaking , I sat down on the edge of the bed and started talking to him . I told him he had a seizure and that I called 911 and an ambulance was on the way . He just kept on looking at me and not saying anything . Kevin was catatonic and kept on tapping me on the leg and then tapping himself on his head . Kind of like this tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on my leg then tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on his head . Over and over and over . I talked to him but he couldn 't talk in his catatonic state . I said " Are you OK ? " Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . " Kevin , are you OK ? " Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . " Kevin , please be OK … " Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . I told him that I was going to move Victoria and Rosemary out of the bed and I would be right back . Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . I moved the two girls into their own beds . I ran back and sat down by Kevin again . Then I thought " Oh crap ! I better go unlock the door for the paramedics ! " So I told Kevin I was going to unlock the door and that I would be right back . Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . I ran down the stairs and unlocked the door . You see , I didn 't want the doorbell to wake the kids . Yup , that was my thought process . My brain was just going a mile a minute at this point . Then I thought " I better call my mom . She 's going to have to take the kids tonight ! " So I ran into the kitchen and picked up the phone and started dialing . Then I thought " Geeze Sara ! What the hell are you doing ! You need to go make sure Kevin 's OK ! " So I ran back up the stairs and sat back down on the bed . Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . " You had a seizure Kevin , I called an ambulance . " Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . " Do you understand ? " Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . " I don 't understand what you are trying to tell me . " Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . " Kevin , can you understand me ? " Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . " Are you OK ? Does your head hurt ? I don 't know what you 're trying to tell me . " Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . Right then , I was more worried than I had ever been before in my life . I didn 't know if he would ever recover , if he would ever talk again , if he could understand me , what he was trying to tell me . So , I decided to ask him to wave his hand in front of my face if he understood what I told him . He waved his hand in front of my face and then tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on head . I was relieved . I said to him " I am going to go downstairs and check for the paramedics . Wave your hand in front of my face if it 's OK if I leave you for a couple of seconds . " He waved his hand in front of my face and then tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on leg , tap - tap - tap - tap - tap on I ran back downstairs and went outside , no ambulance . Then I thought " I better get the girls shoes and coats ready to go ! " and started to gather their things . Then I stopped myself and said " No ! Call mom ! She 'll need to meet me at the hospital ! " and ran into the kitchen to call my mom . I got to the phone and stopped myself again and ran back up the stairs and into our room to be with Kevin . When I got in the room , Kevin was trying to sit up . I ran over to the bed and gently pushed him back down . I told him that he needed to wait until the ambulance got there before he got up . He was able to talk at that point and told me he had to go to the bathroom . I told him to lay back down until the ambulance got there . He snapped at me and said " I 'm not going to the washroom in the bed ! " Those were his exact words . I was worried for two reasons . One - Kevin never snaps at me . Never . Two - His wording was a little strange . I would have expected something like " I 'm not going to pee in the bed " or something . I was so shocked and worried , but I helped him get out of bed . He could barely walk . I helped him into the bathroom and told him he had to sit down to go pee . He refused . I made him . He could barely stand and I was afraid that he was going to fall over just trying to pee . I didn 't want him to bang his head on the toilet , counter or bathtub so I told him if he needs to pee , he can sit down to do it . I helped him with his pants because he couldn 't even pull down pyjama pants on his own and helped him to sit down . That 's when the doorbell rang . I ran downstairs and let in the paramedics . I told them what had happened and that Kevin was in the bathroom sitting on the toilet . Now , see all of that that happened above , from when I called 911 to when the paramedics arrived ? All of that was in the span of less than five minutes . We lived really close to the station at that time that I 'm pretty sure all of that transpired in under three minutes . I know that they strive for less than four minutes between a call and the ambulance arriving . Now , does any of that sound level headed ? No , the only level headed thing I did that night was to call the ambulance . The rest of it was just the adrenalin telling me that I needed to be doing something , then something else and keeping me distracted from what I should have been doing - staying with Kevin . Not that I blame me , but it 's not the picture of calm that , for some reason , most people think I had that night and I can 't convince them otherwise . When I let the paramedics in , I was ready to collapse . I was so ready to just turn the whole thing over to them because I was in way over my head . One went up the stairs while the other talked to me . I filled him in on what happened and that Kevin had no prior history of seizures and then we joined his partner and Kevin upstairs in the bathroom . The paramedic who was with Kevin was asking him a few questions . I must say right here how much I admire paramedics . When he was done asking Kevin his questions he said to Kevin " I 'm going to let you finish up in the bathroom , and wait just out here for you . I 'm going to close this door and your wife will help you . Don 't forget to wash up after you 're done . " Why do I admire him for that ? Well , he basically told Kevin how it was going to go , what was going to happen and left no room for argument . But , he did it in a way that was commanding but so kind . I asked my paramedic brother just how you learn to talk like that and he told me it just goes with the job . ( The reason he reminded Kevin to wash up is because people just coming out of a catatonic state aren 't quite able to remember these things on their own . ) So I helped Kevin finish up his business in the bathroom . All the while he kept asking my why the paramedics were there . I kept telling him he had a seizure and needed to go to the hospital . He kept on insisting he was fine . One of the paramedics asked me to go downstairs to answer a few more questions for him while the other helped Kevin down the stairs . I 'm glad that they got there before I attempted to take him down the stairs because both of us would have taken a tumble if I attempted it . Kevin could barely walk , but he was able to go down the stairs slowly , all the while the paramedic went backward down the stairs in front of Kevin with his hand on Kevin 's chest to keep him from falling . I never would have thought of that , and that 's why these things are best left to the professionals , kids . While one paramedic helped Kevin , the other asked me some more questions . Just basic ones - what did he do today , what is his job , how many kids do we have , to what hospital did I them to take him , was I bringing my kids or did I have someone to watch them , did I want him to call the police to sit at my house until a sitter got there . Those are the only ones I remember . I answered all of them , told them to take Kevin to Victoria hospital because it 's close to my mom 's house and my mom can meet me and the kids there and take them over to her house . Just let me call her first . While all that was going on , Kevin and paramedic number two made it down the stairs and paramedic number two sat Kevin on the couch . He and his partner discussed a few things . While they were talking , I called my mom . I told her Kevin had a seizure and that he was going to Victoria hospital . I was babbling and not really talking straight and she said " Tell me what you want me to do . " I told her that she and Paul ( my step - dad ) need to drive to Victoria Hospital and wait for us there and then one of them will drive the van back to her house . I told her that she would need to come back sometime to get clothes etc . for the kids because I wasn 't going to have time to pack anything and not to bother taking the kids to school the next day . She said OK and we hung up . By the time I got off the phone , the paramedics had a stretcher outside waiting for Kevin . Kevin was still sitting on the couch and was looking at me . I recognized the look he was giving me . He didn 't think he needed to go to the hospital but was going to humour me and go along with it . They helped him up on the stretcher and strapped him in . They told me that they would be heading to Victoria Hospital and Kevin would be waiting there for me . While they were loading Kevin into the ambulance , I went upstairs to get the girls . I did not want to see them drive away with Kevin . I woke the girls up and told them that daddy was going to the hospital in an ambulance . Paramedics , like Uncle Mark , took him and I was going to meet him there and g ' ma was going to take them back to her house . Madeleine told me all of the noise woke her up and she heard something happening . I 'm very glad she didn 't go downstairs to see Kevin on the stretcher or anything . I marched the kids down the stairs and as I was helping them with their shoes and coats , the phone rang . I ran to answer it and it was mom asking me if I wanted her to just come to my house . I told her that the kids were pretty much ready and I didn 't want to wait that long to get to the hospital , so no please just meet me there . She said OK and we hung up . I got the kids all out in the van and we drove to the hospital . It 's interesting driving in that time of night . There 's no one out at all . There 's an eerie sense of peace and quiet . During the drive , I kept on thinking " I guess things were going too well for us . " I got to the hospital and met my mom . Up until that point , I didn 't shed a single tear . I was teary , but I kept it together . My mom asked me what happened and I told her everything that I knew and then I said " Things were going so well " and broke down . My mom , who knows that nothing goes well for us without something bad happening after , gave me a big hug and said " I know " . You see , two weeks prior to that night , Kevin got a new , really good , job for a really good company . I had started working again after being at home with my kids for eight years and life was good . We had benefits again after two years of having none , so we could take the kids to the dentist ( oh the silly things that excite us moms ) . We were digging ourselves out of some financial trouble , we had money to do fun things now , the stress level in our house was at the lowest it had been in a long time . We were just waiting for the other shoe to drop . * In the two years since all of this began for us , I have discovered that it 's better to let people do their gushing without trying to tell them that I am only human and they would have done the same thing in my position . At first , I tried to tell all of the " I could never handle it as well as you ! " people that yes they could . When you are offered the choice to keep it together or to let it all fall apart , you really have no choice . You have to keep it together . Humans are amazing creatures and are incredibly adaptable . I used to try telling people that I am no different than anyone else , but everyone always protests and tells me that I am stronger than they are . Now , I just sit silently when people tell me these things because it 's just not worth the argument . Posted in Kevin 's special brain powers , life , marriage , me | 2 Comments » Human beings say , ' It never rains but it pours . ' This is not very apt , for it frequently does rain without pouring . The rabbit 's proverb is better expressed . They say , ' One cloud feels lonely ' : and indeed it is true that the appearance of a single cloud often means that the sky will soon be overcast . - From Watership Down |
Zeneida was nice enough to offer up her free copy for a re - draw as she 'd already purchased it . So anyone who has yet to buy MCP and would like a chance to win a copy please comment . I will draw the new winner on Monday . Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend . My addition to Silver Publishing 's 25 Days of Christmas is due for release next Saturday the 3rd of December . To celebrate I thought it would be a great idea to hold a contest . In keeping with the title of my book ' My Christmas Present ' I would like to know what your all time favourite Christmas present is . Either giving or receiving . Stanley frowned . There weren 't any females he was fond of enough to let them next to him while he was asleep , his mother included . His head pounded like the sea against a cliff wall while his throat longed for something moist to break through the dust bowl he must 've swallowed . " You can only hide for so long . " A rich voice floated across his senses , deep , luxurious . Stanley wanted to wrap himself in the other man 's voice and wallow . Shit had he said that out loud ? His brain to mouth filter must be missing after his attack . The man sitting beside him had dove grey eyes and dark tousled hair . Stanley wanted to sink his finger into the man 's hair and taste his mouth . Damn , his cock hardened at the thought . Despite not knowing the man , Stanley rested his head on the stranger 's shoulder . He smelled so fucking good . A low vibration rumbled Stanley 's chest . " Drink your water ! " The man 's voice held a compelling edge that entranced Stanley . He raised the glass to his lips and sucked down the cool liquid . I can 't believe with everything else going on I actually managed to complete this by the end of the month like I wanted . I changed the name from Merrick 's coven as I 've thought about the next few books in the series and like the new title better . Now I 'm going to have a day of rest before I start on Dealing with the dead . I really loved Frankie and I hope you guys will too . Merrick Winters is growing bored with life , after living for over five centuries , he tired of the same type of men throwing themselves at him for either the chance to be in his bed or donate their blood . His coven is secure , not having had a challenge in more the fifty years . Frankie 's Reynolds doesn 't give a damn who you are , you hit him once and he 's out the door never to return , he just wishes his ex would get the message . After one night at Hot Encounters night club he now has both an ex and a master vampire who don 't want to leave him alone . He doesn 't mind the vampire so much , but the ex he could do without . Merrick 's life is anything but boring now as he tries to convince Frankie they 're mates . Meanwhile rogue vampires have been spotted around town , is his coven really as secure as he assumed ? Excerpt : Lifting his glass once again to his lips he cast his gaze out to the dance floor . His hand stopped short just before reaching his mouth . The most stunning sight Merrick had ever seen currently took up residence on the edge of the floor . The young man 's shirt had been removed and tucked into a belt loop on the all too tight jeans he was wearing . The jeans moulded to his perfect ass and encased his legs before feeding into calf high leather boots that strung up the back . Strawberry blonde curls currently damp with sweat hug to the tips of his shoulders , offering tantalising glimpses of a sweet supple neck . Merrick had never seen anything like it . His mouth had gone dry and his fangs dropped down , wanting a taste . He watched enthralled by the man as his hands sensuously made their way up his body and into the air as his hips gyrated to the music . " Merrick " a loud bang on the table brought his attention back to his company . " What " he growled not wanting to look away from the vision in front of him . The man still hadn 't turned around and yet Merrick could barely bring himself to remove his eyes from the sight . " You haven 't heard a word I 've said to you , have you ? " Bryce asked him , a hint of amusement in his voice . Merrick didn 't dignify him with an answer . Instead he willed the vision to turn around and let him look at the total package . He counted to five slowly , as if the man could hear his thoughts he turned as soon as Merrick reached five . Merrick lost all thought as the man 's gaze connected with his . Eye 's rimmed with black sparkled as a shy smile broke across the strangers face . Merrick looked him up and down stopping at the pierced navel . God he could have so much fun with that , before letting his gaze continue further down to the nice sized package currently tucked into the tight jeans . Look what I got this morning . Isn 't it so pretty . My Christmas Present will be available on December 3 as a part of Silver Publishing 's 25 days of Christmas Mitchell Morgan has fought his feelings for his best friend 's son for years . Now when the two families come together for Christmas and Mitchell receives his Christmas present early , will he continue to fight ? Or will he give in to the love that 's obviously between them ? Jayden Thompson unlocked and pushed open the doors to his family 's offices and walked inside . Not many people could work with their entire family six days a week , but it seemed to work for them . Jayden was thankful they all didn 't still live together . He thought that may have thrown him over the edge and caused a mass homicide . He could probably have convinced the police to let him off with a warning as no one can live and work with their large , and he meant large , family twenty four hours a day . Jayden was the youngest at twenty , of seven siblings . He had six older brothers , his parents trying and failing to get the girl his mother had always wanted . All seven boys inherited their gift from their father and as such worked with their parents in the family business . Walking through the still and silent building Jayden made his way through the building until he came to his office . He was glad they all had their own offices as he liked his things just the way they were . Jayden turned on the lights and settled down at his desk before turning his computer on . Waiting for his computer to finish loading Jayden pulled out the new files that had been placed in his in tray . The damn thing was empty when he left yesterday afternoon , but not anymore . Skimming through the files he found it was all basic stuff . Insurance companies wanting clarification on the cause of death so they hopefully didn 't have to pay out millions , families wanting one last chance to say goodbye to a loved one who was taken from them suddenly . His computer dinged when it had finished loading and Jayden placed the files to a side and opened his e - mail . He looked through the calendar first to see how many appointments had been added to his day since he last looked . Jayden groaned as he noticed he was nearly booked solid to for the entire day . As Jayden was the youngest he seemed to get stuck with all the less interesting jobs , as evidenced by the files in his in tray . His dad and his eldest brothers Jackson and Jessie always seemed to get the good ones . What his family didn 't realise yet was that Jayden was the most powerful of them all . He was the seventh son of a seventh son . His brothers had started to show signs of their powers when they came of age at eighteen . Jayden , however , had felt his magic bubbling under the surface from the tender age of thirteen . He had not told his parents this , not wanting to appear different from his brothers ; he had kept it to himself and tried to ignore it as best he could . This didn 't always work , however , as left unchecked and untrained his magic had a life of its own and tended to do things Jayden would rather forget . Jayden was born into a family of Necromancers . Yes , they could raise and converse with the dead for short periods of time and no , they were not evil . It was just another form of magic . Witches ' magic dealt with the living , Shifter magic came from within and Necromancer 's Magic dealt with the dead . It was as simple as that . And with all paranormal creatures there was a destined mate out there just for each of them . Jayden smiled at the thought of finally meeting his mate . His mum and dad were mates and they had been together for over thirty years . A mate was a necessity when you were a paranormal with a great deal of magic . A mate grounded you , gave you a measure of peace and was said they tamed the wild magic within , allowing it to flow more easily . Merrick stood on the balcony of his apartment , arms pressed against the rails staring out over the swan river . The lights reflecting off the black water dazzling in all their different shapes and colours . He sighed . He had been feeling more and more melancholy recently . After living for over five centuries no one could really blame him for it . His life had boiled down to a never ending line of willing men , both in his bed and as blood donors . Merrick was the master of the city , his coven was secure , hell , there hadn 't even been a challenge to his leadership in over fifty years . Even the club he owned down stairs never had any trouble , people came they drank , they danced , they fucked , they sucked then they went home . Paranormals had been revealed to the world nearly five years ago now . It was getting harder and harder for their existence to be kept a secret , so their council had decided to announce their presence to the world . This isn 't to say that the leaders of the world didn 't already know that they existed , because they did . There were several paranormals in high up military ranks , and many more in lower military ranks . We were a lot harder to kill than your average human , as such the government loved us . There had been some backlash at first , with a few groups campaigning for their immediate death . Stupid humans . The majority of the population seemed to understand that they weren 't in any danger , and the paranormals had always been living amongst them , now they just knew about it . Having humans know of their existence was a huge positive for the vampires . It meant there was a lot of men and women who were willing to offer up their life giving blood for the chance to be bitten and experience one of the most powerful orgasms in their life . Just the bite of a vampire was enough to send them into the throws of pleasure . Merrick was getting bored . He was tired of the same type of people always offering up their ass and their neck for one night only . He wanted someone that was going to stick around . He wanToni Griffin It 's that time again . Forbidden Mate , HB4 , will be released next Saturday and I would love to give away two copies to my readers . As I 'm on a diet at the moment ( Yuck ) I would love to hear what your all time favourite food is . . . Nothing like a little torture to start the day off right . lol Walking into the house , Rick couldn 't stand the thought of going back into the lounge room with all the happy couples . Especially as he knew that would never be him . He knew who his mate was and they would never have the chance to sit cuddled up on a lazy Sunday afternoon watching football . Or get caught making out by his brothers when they came home from work . Rick made his way to the kitchen . He wanted a drink and needed some peace so he could think . Grabbing a beer from the fridge , Rick headed outside and sat on the back steps leading from the porch to the garden . A cool breeze blew his hair and he lifted the bottle to his lips . Drinking half the beer in one go , Rick agonised over what he was going to do . Should he find someone else and try to be happy ? Even as much as Jake had hurt him over the last ten years he knew , without a doubt , he would never love another man . The thought of letting someone who wasn 't Jake touch him sent shivers of revulsion down his spine . Well , it looked like his life was shaping up to be a lonely one . Rick sucked in his breath and jumped back , never once taking his eyes off the man next to him . His heart was hammering away in his chest . How did he know ? Rick hadn 't told a soul and he didn 't think Jake would have either , seeing how he didn 't want him . Thinking fast , Rick did the only thing he could think of . He wasn 't strong enough to outright deny the truth so he did the next best thing . " I don 't know what you 're talking about . Are you feeling okay ? " " It 's fairly obvious if you know what you 're looking at . I noticed it the first time I met Jake . The sexual tension practically explodes around the pair of you whenever you 're in the same room together . You also can 't keep your eyes off him . It 's almost like he can tell the exact moment you look away because then his eyes are all over you . Jason noticed it as well but your brothers seem to be particularly obtuse to the tension between you two . " " Jesus Christ , you must have the restraint of a saint ! Marcus and I couldn 't even last a night after we met . Ten years - " Brian repeated . Rick didn 't know if Brian sounded awed at the length of time or saddened by it . Rick didn 't know why he was opening up to Brian after he had managed to go ten years without discussing this with anyone else . Why now ? " There 's nothing much I can do . My mate doesn 't want me and I can 't stand for anyone else to touch me . Believe me , I 've tried . " After Jake being around so much lately and always staying as far away from Rick as he could without being rude , Rick had snapped . " Is that where you were going in the evenings ? " Rick had decided that if his mate didn 't want him , he would find someone who did . So he hit the clubs and tried to pick up men . The first time Rick had almost thrown up when another man touched him . He decided he needed some liquid courage to go through with his plan . The problem with being a werewolf though , was it took a hell of a lot of alcohol to get drunk . And he meant a hell of a lot too . By the time he was starting to feel a slight buzz , the bars would be closing and he just ended up going home alone . " Don 't give up hope yet , Rick . I believe everything will work out in the end . " Rick didn 't answer . He 'd had ten years of hoping his mate would come around and tell him he was madly in love with him then claim him so they could live happily ever after . If it hadn 't happened so far , it wasn 't going to happen . He wasn 't going to say that to Brian though . He would let the man continue to think there was a happy ending to his story . Blurb : Within the space of two years Zack lost nearly everyone that had ever meant anything to him . After his parents were killed in a car accident and his best friend succumbed to cancer , Zack is left alone with only his eighteen month old daughter . Her ultra - religious and homophobic grandparents will do anything they can to take his daughter away from him . To stop this , Zack packs up and moves to a small town in northern Victoria . " Daddy ? " Zack looked in the rear - view mirror at the most important person in his life . His daughter sat in her booster seat surrounded by everything they owned . " Are we there yet ? " Zack sighed . The question had been constant for the last several hours . It had to be hard for Hayley . Within the space of a six month period , she lost the mother she loved , the house she grew up in and was being taken from the day care she knew and friends she loved . To top everything off , her grandparents were trying to take her away from her father , so he 'd finally left with Hayley to start over in a new town with new people and hopefully new friends . " Not yet Hayley , but soon okay ? We 'll find the motel and unpack the car , and then we 'll find a nice park where you can play for a little while . How does that sound ? " The squeals of delight from the backseat let Zack know Hayley was onboard with the park idea . Glancing back again , Zack couldn 't believe how much she looked like her mother . Her sparkling jade green eyes and the cutest little button nose you had ever seen , above a small mouth with rose pink lips , reminded him daily of the only woman he 'd ever loved . But her best feature Zack thought , the only feature she got from her father , fell past her shoulders in loose , bright auburn ringlets . One of Sarah 's favourite things before she passed was to brush Hayley 's hair . Their high school years seemed to fly past with the two sharing everything . Zack confided in Sarah when he realised the boys at their school held more appeal to him than the girls . Sarah had hugged him and kissed him on the cheek and said being gay didn 't matter and she would always love him . She 'd encouraged Zack to talk to his parents and let them know what was going on with him . His mum had surprised him and said she 'd suspected for a while and his dad nodded and said as long as Zack was happy then that was all he cared about . Zack had hugged his parents , never more thankful for their support . Sarah however , kept the knowledge from her parents until after they 'd graduated from high school and moved into an apartment together . Her parents , being the religious , god fearing people they were , were adamant Sarah have nothing further to do with him . When she refused , they informed her God would punish her for association with him . Who knows what Sarah 's parents would have thought if they ever found out he was a werewolf as well as identifying as gay . They 'd probably keel over in an apoplectic fit . Zack chuckled at that idea and thought back to when Sarah found out he was a werewolf . The first full moon after Zack turned sixteen he and Sarah were lying on the floor in the lounge at his place , doing their homework . Zack 's entire body had heated , like his blood was boiling , then his arms started sprouting fur . He 'd looked over at Sarah , saw her wide eyes staring back at him and said the only thing he could think of . " Please don 't scream . " Zack 's mother had come through from the kitchen clearly in the middle of asking them a question when she noticed Zack and stopped in her tracks , mouth open . She quickly looked at Sarah and regained her senses . " Sarah , honey , are you okay ? " " That is so fricken cool ! " Sarah turned and quickly picked up her homework before waving it in front of Zack 's face . " Come on Zack ! Be a good boy and eat this for me . That way I don 't have to do it and I 'll have such a good excuse . " She giggled as Zack took a playful bite at her hand before his mother scolded him . She sent him sent to his room until he could change back so she could talk to Sarah . Pulling himself out of his memories , Zack once again looked into the mirror and noticed his daughter was now fast asleep , her favourite toy , a plush wolf , held close to her chest . Concentrating on the road ahead , Zack wondered what he was going to do without his best friend . Sarah had been a constant in his life for thirteen years . When Sarah received her diagnosis of cancer , the news hit the friends like a tonne of bricks . They went to sleep that night wrapped in each other 's arms , both with red rimmed eyes and tear streaked faces . Sarah woke him up the next day by asking for his sperm . After the initial shock wore off , Zack had agreed . The doctors gave her a maximum of two years to live and wanted to start treatments right way ; they didn 't expect to be able to prolong her life by years , only months . Sarah had wanted to be a mother more than anything else in the world . Any treatment she undertook would take that opportunity away from her . After long discussions and more tears , they spoke with Zack 's parents . The couple were overjoyed to find out they would have a grandchild . With Zack being an only child and gay , they had resigned themselves to having no grandkids . His parents were so happy they offered to pay for Sarah 's wish to come true . Zack and Sarah were extremely grateful for their help , as all Sarah 's parents said , upon hearing the news of their daughter 's illness , was she would be punished for her association with Zack . They were lucky and Sarah got pregnant on the first attempt . Zack could see the strain the pregnancy put on Sarah , but she never complained . She worked as much as possible to help pay for her share of the expenses , no matter how much Zack tried to tell her to slow down and take it easy . Sarah was about 6 months pregnant when Zack received the phone call one night to tell him his parents had been involved in a car accident . They 'd been driving back from his dad 's Christmas party when the driver of a semi trailer had fallen asleep at the wheel and crossed into oncoming traffic . The truck hit them head on and they both died instantly . There were some things even being a werewolf couldn 't save you from . They never got to see their granddaughter being born . His parents left him their house , which was debt free , so Sarah and Zack moved out of their apartment and into the home he 'd grown up in . Zack would never have gotten through those pain - filled weeks and months if not for Sarah . She gave birth to their beautiful baby girl the following March and they named her Hayley after his mum . Valerie and Howard Stewart , Sarah 's parents , didn 't want anything to do with Hayley or Sarah as long as he remained in the picture . Zack and Sarah lived happily for nearly eighteen months before Sarah 's disease really took hold . Then life was a constant juggle between work , day care for Hayley and hospital visits for Sarah . Sarah passed away peacefully in her sleep less than a month before Hayley 's second birthday . Two months after Sarah 's passing , Zack received a surprise visit from the Department of Children 's Services . They 'd received an anonymous tip stating his daughter was in danger and naming Zack as an unfit parent . Zack knew who the tip had come from even if the social workers wouldn 't reveal the name . He 'd clung to Hayley while they searched his house from top to bottom before being forced to hand her over so they could perform an examination . Zack waited until Hayley was in bed that night before he picked up the phone and dialled a number he never thought he would . The line picked up on the fifth ring and Valerie 's uppity , I 'm better than you , voice rang through . " Hello , Valerie speaking . " " I said how dare you . What gives you the right to call Child Services and say I 'm an unfit parent ? You 've never even met Hayley . You want nothing to do with her . " " Ah . . . Zack . " Valerie 's tone was really starting to get to Zack . " Yes , well , we can 't have our only grandchild being raised by someone like you . " " Someone like me ? What ? You mean gay ? " Zack was pacing his bedroom by this time with the phone clenched so tightly in his hand his knuckles were going white . Zack paused in stunned silence for a second . How could anyone think Sarah would go to hell ? Furious at the people who were supposed to love her no matter what , Zack gritted his teeth and forced out , " You stay the hell away from me and my daughter . " He hung up the phone and threw it at the wall . Collapsing on his bed and curling into a ball , his body shook with the force of his crying . Zack had lost his parents , then his best friend , now these people were trying to take his daughter as well . He knew one thing though , he would fight them every step of the way . Hayley was his , and he would protect her with everything he had . That 's how Zack ended up on this lonely stretch of road , driving towards a town he 'd never been before and starting a new job in a week 's time . His only possessions were what he could fit inside his small Toyota Camry . Valerie and Howard came through on their threat and Zack was forced to sell his parents ' house to afford the lawyers who fought his case in court . Protective Mate is now available for purchase on Amazon . It should be available on all other distributors 2 weeks after it 's initial release from silver . I will let you know on the day it becomes available . Within the space of two years Zack lost nearly everyone that had ever meant anything to him . After his parents were killed in a car accident and his best friend succumbed to cancer , Zack is left alone with only his eighteen month old daughter . Her ultra - religious and homophobic grandparents will do anything they can to take his daughter away from him . To stop this , Zack packs up and moves to a small town in northern Victoria . Hi all . The hubby has finally finished so head on over to www . tonigriffin . net to check out my completely re - vamped website . Let me know what you think . Posted by So , with Protective Mate being released on Saturday , I thought I would run a contest to give away two copies . Just post below and let me know the most enjoyable book you have read in the last week . ( if not week then month , year , lifespan . You get the drift : ) ) Lucas Winters has been in love with his dad 's best friend for the last nine years . Arriving home after finishing university in Perth all he wants it to find out if his feelings are returned by the sexy cowboy . Mitchell Morgan has fought his feelings for his best friend 's son for years . Now when the two families come together for Christmas and Mitchell receives his Christmas present early , will he continue to fight ? Or will he give in to the love that 's obviously between them ? Posted by Okay , okay , I know the updates on the website have been really slack , but when the hubby first created it he used a free program , that drove him up the wall as he had to do basically everything individually . Before he updated it again he wanted to buy a web design program . So we 've finally had the money to buy the program and he 's done the updates . Now , however , he can 't upload it . . . Ggggrrrr . It 's been nearly a week and he thought if he just deleted everything that was there and then upload the entire site again that would work . . . but alas , no . . . So if you visit the sight and get a ' page not found ' notice , please don 't stress . We are working on it and hopefully we should have it working soon . . . Thanks for your patients and understanding . Toni Hi all , I thought I would post a little something from what I 'm working on at the moment . Hopefully If I can get it finished and submitted on time It might be apart of the Silver Christmas releases . . . Fingers crossed Lucas knew just where to find his father . It was a Friday night so that meant Ben Winters would be down at the local pub with his best friend , just as he had been for so many years Lucas had lost count . It was a tradition that had started when he was younger , Lucas thought it was maybe because his dad was lonely , but he couldn 't be sure . Ted 's Place was nothing special , but they did serve the best steak in town . Lucas was looking forward to seeing his father again , but more than that he was looking forward to seeing his dad 's best friend , Mitchell Morgan . His dad and Mitch had grown up together , living on neighbouring stations . His father , Ben , hadn 't wanted to work on a station and so his grandparents had sold it when they wanted to retire . Ben had become a police officer and loved his job . Mitchell had been a constant in his father 's life since grade school . He was there the day Lucas was born , his mum and dad only being seventeen . Lucas was the result of one too many drinks and a lack of protection that didn 't seem all that important at the time . Boy , were they wrong . Lucas was lucky though , he could have been given up for adoption or even aborted but his parents had wanted to keep him , Instead he grew up knowing he was loved . Three years after Lucas was born Mitchell was the best man at his dad 's wedding and not even eighteen months later Mitchell helped his dad keep it together after his mum had passed away from breast cancer . Mitchell had also been there for all the important parts of Lucas 's life . The most difficult being when he came out to his father at age sixteen . Lucas had had a crush on Mitchell since he was fourteen and started to suspect he might be gay . He didn 't know what it was about the older man but there was something that just flat out did it for him . Mitchell had black wavy hair that always looked like he had just gotten out of bed , when he wasn 't wearing his akubra . He had a strong chiselled jaw that seemed to Lucas like it had a permanent five o ' clock shadow , and the Posted by Simon has known he was gay since he was fifteen . With this fact firmly entrenched in his mind he had resigned himself to never being a father . Walking into his house one afternoon he is shocked to find not only his mate , but a two year old calling his mate Daddy . " Do you have to do that here ? " Simon didn 't know exactly who he was talking to . All he wanted to do was relax after a long day at work , and he came home to find both his brothers and their mates making out in the living room . The television blared in the background , long since forgotten . Simon didn 't begrudge his brothers their mates , it just seemed every time he turned around they were attempting to get into each other 's pants . They could barely be in the same room together without constantly touching and , quite frankly , Simon was a little jealous . Simon wanted to find someone who lit up the room when they walked in , someone whose touch caused his body to ache in such a good way , someone who looked at him as if he was their whole world , someone he could lose himself in and forget the world around him . The growl coming from his brother , Alex , was actually quite impressive since he continued to kiss his mate , Jason , the entire time . Jason finally broke the kiss and giggled . He leaned his head back on the couch and looked up at Simon standing in the doorway . " Sorry . " Alex growled again . " Don 't apologise , sweetheart . If he doesn 't like it , he can always leave . " Alex then started trailing kisses down Jason 's neck . Jason swatted Alex on the arm " Be nice . " " Don 't worry about it , Jase . I think I might go for a run . Give you all time to finish whatever you 're doing here . Be back in about an hour . " Simon turned and walked down the passage to his room . Running had always been one of his favourite things to do , whether in wolf or human form . Simon could always manage to lose himself and forget everything going on in his life with the rhythm of his feet hitting the ground . In his room , Simon undressed and found his running clothes . Once dressed in shorts and a tank top , Simon slipped on his Nike running shoes and found his armband for his iPod before finding the device itself . Searching through his bedside draws Simon then found his headphones . Connecting everything up and strapping the player in , Simon did some quick stretches thPosted by Hi all , Just thought I would sign in to say thank you for all the birthday wishes . My day started rather ordinary but finished nicely . On a writing note , I took a week off from writing after I finished HB 4 then I decided it was a good idea to get sick , so not much happening there but I hope to get some done this week . My FIL arrived last week for his yearly four week visit . He 's celebrating his 70th birthday tomorrow and as a surprise both my Brother - in - law 's and their wives arrived last night to celebrate with us . Dad was surprised as hell and I now have 8 people in my house for nearly a week . Wish me well . . . I will let you know if I survive . . . lol . . . . Forbidden Mate , book 4 in my Holland Brothers Series has finally been sent to my publishers . The boys just didn 't seem to want their story to end and I finished just short of 33k , which is at least 4 . 5k longer than Determined Mate . Hopefully as I submitted it before my deadline I 'll keep my October 1st release date . Will let you all know if anything changes . I have posted a rough blurb below to try and tied you over until then . Have a great Wednesday Rick has watched as all his brothers settled into mated bliss , quietly dying inside knowing he will never have the same . Rick has lived for the last ten years knowing who his mate is and with the knowledge that his mate doesn 't want him . When his brother and Alpha asks him to take a trip will Rick have the courage to forget his hurt and try to move on with his life ? Jake has watched from the sidelines as his mate grew from a surprisingly sexy sixteen year old into a stunningly handsome man . Jake has done everything within his power to keep his mate safe . Aware that his mate believes he 's not wanted but unable to reveal the truth . Can Jake finally let go of the man he loves or will everything come crashing down when the pair are thrust together in their search for much needed answers . Posted by After waiting anxiously for nearly a month I was finally able to pick my print books up at the post office this afternoon . I ' 'm so excited . Might go do some more work on book 4 now . : ) So , I was asked to post a snippet from HB4 Forbidden Mate . Here 's the small sneek peek I chose ( I didn 't want to give too much away ) . Please note : this is unedited and may change slightly in the final draft . " Hey man , no need to rush off , stay for dinner . Mum 's cooking tonight . " Alex said pointing back to the chair Jake had just left . He shook his head . " Sorry , but I need to go . I have a few appointments I 'll need to reschedule and some paperwork to finalise . " Jake was full of shit . His secretary would take care of his appointments and he never left the office on a Friday without finishing all his paperwork , but he needed to get away . He couldn 't sit there and look at Patrick any longer . Alex nodded his acceptance and Jake said goodbye to everyone , not meeting Patrick 's eyes as he turned and walked away . He made it all the way out side and almost to his car before he heard his name being called . " Hey Jake , wait up . Please " Jake stopped but didn 't turn around . His hands curled into fists at his side to try and stop him from reaching out and grabbing hold of his mate . " What do you want Patrick ? " Everyone else called him Rick but he 'd always be Patrick to him . " I 'm sorry . He 's my brother and I couldn 't say no . " Patrick 's voice sounded so defeated that Jake spun around to stare at him . His beautiful mate stood there with his hands shoved as far into his jeans pockets as they would go , his shoulders slumped and his head forward . Jake couldn 't help himself , he reached forward and gently cupped Patrick 's cheek in his large hand . " I know . It 's not your fault . " He whispered . Jake stood there for a minute completely mesmerised by the emotions running through those stunning brown eyes . He felt his thumb gently caress the soft skin beneath its pad . His brain snapped back it to gear and he snatched his hand away before turning and getting into his car . His dick , now rock hard , his body yearning for that of its mate . Jake started the car and peeled away from the curb before he did anything else to put the one he loved with all his heart in any more danger . Well , what can I say about me ? I grew up in the north of Australia . I 'm 29 , recently single and a mother of one . I work full time and when I 'm not spending time with my family and friends , you can find me either reading on my Kindle or writing . |
Last night was a pretty decent night of sleeping . Andy had complained before that the girl sleeping above him moved around all night and made a lot of noise , but the girl above me didn 't seem to move at all . I was worried that the bed wasn 't going to be strong enough to hold her , but thankfully it did . She did talk in her sleep a little bit though I remember . We woke up early again today to get the free breakfast . I got out of bed around 7 : 30 AM . We wanted to take showers so we went upstairs to the second floor to do that . I needed to shave and put on some clean clothes . The water was boiling hot again just like all the other places . I went back to the room to drop my clothes and other things off and then went to the kitchen . There were only a couple of people in there again . I had two pieces of jelly toast with corn flakes and a cup of hot chocolate . I skipped the gross oat thing this time . I went back for seconds and this time made a peanut butter and jelly toast sandwich . I was eating a lot , but I was still actually hungry . I have about 15 lbs to regain from this trip so far . While Andy was eating I went into the little room to play on the free internet . There was only one computer and it was in a cubby hole with a door on it . It was extremely slow . I just wanted to check my emails and see how much money I had left on my credit card and make sure my bills were being paid . It took about 20 minutes just to do that . We weren 't in a real hurry to leave because our tour for the Lord of the Rings wasn 't supposed to start until 9 : 30 AM . It was about 8 : 45 AM when we left to go to the I - site where we were supposed to be picked up . It only took about 15 minutes to get down there so we stopped to look at a few stores . We went to two outdoor stores . One of them was Macpac and the other one was some place I had never heard of . They both had really nice things and at good prices , but because I didn 't need anything really we didn 't get anything . It was windy in the city . The buildings didn 't block it at all . It seemed like it was just creating a wind tunnel basically . At about 9 : 20 AM we figured it was time to get to the I - site . It was just across the street , but we weren 't really sure where the pick - up spot was located . The guy we bought the tickets from said it was outside at some sign , but there was nothing that looked obvious to us . After standing around lost for a few minutes we went to the I - site to ask for directions . The lady told us it was about 10 meters outside the door at a bus stop . We walked 10 meters and we were still under the walkway entrance to the I - site . Her measurements were way off . It was more like 50 meters . We waited for about 10 minutes and some guy came up and asked if we were waiting for the Lord of the Rings tour . We told him we were and he said we were in the right place . I was thinking he may be our guide or driver and was going to get the van . About 5 minutes later a van pulled up and a young lady in her early 20s jumped out . Her name was Alice and she was going to be our guide and driver . I guess that old guy was just some crazy coot . There were already two people inside , a guy from Brazil and a lady from Australia . Our tour began and it was just us four . I didn 't really know what to expect , but for $ 115 NZD I was hoping it would be good . I felt it was about 10 times too expensive , but the other tour option was $ 170 NZD . I don 't know what they offered , but it better be good . Our first stop was at a quarry . This was where they created the sets for Minis Tirith and Helms Deep . They used the quarry because it already had the proper rock setting they were wanting and the necessary size . As we drove there scenes from the movie playing on a TV that was positioned between the two front seats hanging down from the ceiling . It was actually a nice set up . Alice would describe something from the movie that we were going to be seeing and then show a clip of it to remind us of what she was talking about and so we weren 't bored sitting in the van as we drove . It was actually a really cool idea and probably one of the best parts of the tour . The other tour that was more expensive didn 't offer this at all . The first place was the longest drive , so the movie clip she showed was the longest . It was actually behind the scenes information that is on the extended DVD . We watched a clip that showed the trailer for the new movie . It looks really good and I 'm ready for it to come out at the theatre . It comes out on December 14 of this year , and the second one will come out on December 13 of 2012 . The next clip was just the explanation of how the sets were built . They actually used pieces from Helms Deep to build Minis Tirith . The walls , towers , and a few other portions were just modified in some way to build the new sets . Basically I was paying money to watch behind the scenes things I could get on a DVD , but this was way cooler because I got to then see the things they were describing to a certain degree . We got to the quarry and parked across the street in a gravel parking lot . Of course after 12 years the sets were long gone so really all we saw was a rock wall with trees growing around it . It looked like an operating quarry , nothing too great . Although it was neat to see the locations . The guide had a laptop computer with her so when we stopped she could describe a scene and how it looked and then show a clip from the movie so we could imagine what it looked like . She also had print outs of pictures from the movie . She held them up and allowed us to look at them so we could compare it to what we were currently looking at . This was really helpful in proving that we were in the right place . As we got back in the car we continued driving down the road . This time we stopped at a park in Lower Hutt . The name of the park escapes me , but I think it was called Hutt City Park . We had to walk across a field to get to the locations . It had rained recently so it was slightly muddy and we had to go down a hill . The girl with us had a little trouble walking , she must have taken lessons from Iris . She almost slipped a few times and was taking tiny little baby steps to walk down the hill . I was thinking not again , another retard that can 't walk properly . We waited for a few minutes for her to catch up and stopped in a grassy area . Alice asked if we recognized the place , of course we had no clue what we were looking at . She told us this was where Gandalf rode his horse up to Isengard . A path had been built in the middle of this field that was about 75 - 100 meters long . The reason it looked so far in the movie was because they made him ride one way , and then back the other direction . There was a huge green screen set up in the park that he rode towards , which was used to put Isengard and mountains in the background and in front of him . The mountains were filmed in the south island . Most of the time in or near Queenstown . To help bring it to life she showed us some video clips of the scene and then pointed out trees that were in the scenes . She showed us some pictures so we could compare . It was an exact match . There was even a patch of grass that stretched for the length of the former path to signify the location . The park made them remove the path after filming , but wanted to show proof of it 's existence so a different type of grass was laid in it 's place . It was still visible after all this time . To create the scene where Gandalf was riding across the bridge they used a miniature scale model . It was a lot of really cool information . I 'm not obsessed with Lord of the Rings , but if anybody likes the movies and wants to know more about it this was the perfect tour and it had just begun . We walked back up the hill a little ways to another spot . We looked down on the area below that we had just come from . Not only was it the spot where Gandalf rode his horse , it was also the site where the Orcs cut down the trees . The tree they were tearing down was actually created about of metal . It had hinges on it that made it easy to pull down and put back up . This was important for a very simple reason . In the movie there are a lot of trees being torn down , but in reality it was the exact same tree . They just filmed it from different angles to make it look like more trees were being torn down . It was raining the entire time this part was being filmed , so the rain in the movie is actually real rain . It was done at a very late hour and everyone was cold and wet . The spot on the hill is where Gandalf and Sauron were walking in the woods talking about the ring . We watched the clip , saw pictures , and she pointed out a few trees . After seeing the scenes and holding up the pictures we could tell it was an identical match . To really bring it to life Alice went over to the woods , bent down , and pulled out two walking sticks from under the brush . She asked us if we wanted to be wizards . Of course we did . The other two people on the tour went first . They held the sticks and walked side by side , just like the movie . Me and Andy did the same . He was Gandalf and I was Sauron . All we needed were some wigs and a robe and it would have been a match . We had Alice film us walking . We got back in the car and were ready to move on . Our third stop was at the Hutt River . This spot was behind a subdivision . We actually drove through a neighborhood and parked on the side of the street . Across the street I saw a family sitting in their house watching TV . I was wondering if they get tired of seeing Lord of the Ring nerds park across the street to see some stupid river where a movie scene was filmed . They should be charging money for people to park there . We had to walk about 100 meters down a little alley way to get to the river . This particular spot was where Aragon came ashore after flying over the cliff in a battle scene . We watched more clips , saw some pictures for proof , and then compared them to the real thing . Another match . The beach was covered in sand for the movie and the horse that nudged him was trained to kneel down and hit Aragon on the head with his nose . The behind the scenes information we received was that the original horse couldn 't be trained properly so they had to get rid of him . They tried training the horse using a bail of hay as Aragon , but he kept sitting on top of it . To help they brought in a new horse and Aragon , Vigo Mortensson character , was used in the training process . The horse got it right on the first time , but never again . They ended up having to use the first take . To build a bond with the horse he even slept in his stable a number of times . The crew joked that he had something going on with the horse . After the filming was over he bought the horse . Originally a different actor had been chosen to be Aragon , but after a few weeks they decided he was too difficult to work with and made a change . Vigo was the first choice , but had to make his decision immediately so shooting wouldn 't be delayed . He originally was going to decline since he knew nothing about the story and was going to need to decide the same afternoon he was asked because he was needed in New Zealand in two days . His son was a huge fan of the books and convinced his dad to take the role since he thought it would be cool to have his dad be in the movie . Because Peter Jackson knew that Vigo 's son convinced him to take the part he rewarded him by putting him in the movie as an Orc . He was later killed in the movie by his father . Jackson also used his own children and other actor 's children in the movie . The rocks in the background were the marker for this particular spot . For the most part most of the sites have looked the same with the exception of a few trees that had fallen down or sets being taken down . Otherwise we were seeing everything from the actual movie . I don 't know why this was so cool since there are millions of movies , but I thought it was really interesting . Our next stop was a little further down along the same river . This spot was the location for a deleted scene from the movie that can be seen on the extended edition DVD . It depicted Faramir having a dream sequence where he was seeing his brother , Boromir , float down the river after his death from battling the orcs . We were able to recognize this spot by trees in the distance and a small rock around the bend of the river . The scene wasn 't used in the official movie , but it was still a filmed site . It was already about 12 PM and almost time for lunch . We had to make a pit stop at a gas station to pick it up . I was thinking we were going to have sandwiches and when I saw a Subway sign at the gas station I figured that 's what we were getting . We parked for a few minutes while our guide went inside to pick up the food . It took about 10 minutes and then we started driving again . As we drove we watched more movie clips and behind the scenes information to keep us entertained . Again , I thought this was a really nice touch and unexpected . Our furthest point to stop was Kaitoke Regional Park . This is where we had lunch . It was actually a campground and we had to drive around to find an empty shelter . One of them was being occupied and for some reason she wanted us to have our own . The campground actually looked really nice and looked like a real campground . All of them we have been staying at our full of camper vans with people that live there , cabins , and other facilities . The Kaitoke Regional Park was one I had originally considered staying at , but it was a good distance from Wellington and not feasible . It was nice though and really open . We ate our lunch under the picnic shelter which had some cooking facilities even though it didn 't have any walls . It was nice though since it wasn 't too cold outside although it was cloudy all day and had a high chance of rain . We were hoping it wouldn 't come in because the afternoon session involved a lot more walking around in the woods . For lunch we each got a 3 inch sub sandwich to choose from . There were ham , turkey , and roast beef . The girl was vegetarian so she had a special sandwich . We each had two portions , a cookie , and a tiny glass of coke . The coke bottle had half gone already from the previous days trip and replacements weren 't ordered so we had to share what was left . After eating our portions there were still two sandwiches left and a few cookies . The guide offered if anyone else wanted more and me and Andy spoke up right away . I had eaten a ham sandwich and turkey sandwich before and all that was left was vegetarian and ham . I took the ham and Andy had the veggie . I don 't think anyone took the cookie . I wanted to , but since I had the sandwich I didn 't want to look like a pig . The guide just put that box back in the car . I had been wanting a Subway cookie the previous day since we had gone there for lunch , but they are too expensive so I was happy to get one . The coke was disappointing , but the rest of the meal was good to me . Although I think they should have included chips for the price we were paying for the trip . All of the things we were doing were free except the gas and the nice van , so they are either making a ton of money or not getting many customers . After lunch we drove around the corner to find Rivendale . We knew this is where it was filmed and considered driving to it ourselves , but felt like the tour would actually point things out and save us time and money on gas . None of the things we were seeing were obvious without a guide even if we did find the locations so from that standpoint it was worth doing the tour . It was also nice to do things with other people for a change . Rivendale is the home of the elves in the movie and a number of scenes were filmed in this one little area . In the movie things look big and spread out , but in reality they are very small and compact . As we drove down the road we passed a group of people that were walking down the road towards us . One of them was extremely fat and not walking on the side of the road . Our driver kept making jokes about hitting him on accident and how he would damage the car . She also said that we may be able to see everything and get back and he still not be back to his car . It was funny . People in New Zealand are such jerks and so blunt . I would think they would be more professional at times when giving tours or other things , but they are very open with their feelings and don 't hold anything back . It 's the exact opposite of America where everything is about political correctness . We came to a bridge and parked the car . We had to walk across the bridge and then to a forest to the left . As we approached there was an open grassy area surrounded by trees . Just before entering the forest was the site of the counsel building where everyone in the movie met to discuss who would take on the burden of carrying and ultimately destroying the ring . It was actually a very small building in a small area . The building had been taken down , but the space it had to fit in between the trees was very tight . The interesting thing about this entire location is that it is owned and operated as a scenic reserve area and protected land . Therefore , the Department of Conservation wanted everything moved or changed to be restored to it 's original condition . In order to do this pictures were taken of the entire area so any trees or plants that were moved could be replaced to their original location . The plants were stored in a greenhouse just across the grassy area about 50 yards away . To prove this was the site we were showed a video clip of Legolas approaching the building . Just over his shoulder was a tree , which was right in front of where we were standing ! I watched the video , and then copied the position of where he walked . It was pretty cool . There was a fallen down tree which was another marker , but after 12 years it hadn 't survived . Around the corner from this was another important site . I didn 't recognize the area , and neither did anyone else . It was a small mound of dirt with a tree and roots sticking up out of the ground with a large rock on the top next to the roots . Alice had brought a little bag and a bow and arrow as props so we all knew there was going to be a picture spot of some kind . We were shown a picture and it was of Legolas . It was the site of his official movie poster . The bow and arrow was to allow us to recreate the scene . I volunteered first to do the picture and be the elf . Alice pulled a cloak out of the bag and I put it on . I said it would be better if I had a wig . My prayers were answered . She had a wig too . She asked what else elves had and I couldn 't think of anything else . It was a pair of ears . They were really big and stupid looking . She kept saying I was a sexy elf and I was believing it . I stood in my pose on the tree branch as best as I could to look identical to Legolas , but the branches and rocks weren 't the same so it was hard to recreate exactly . I looked at my pictures and I was not a sexy elf . I looked like a complete fool . It was pretty funny . Everyone else put on the costume and had their picture taken as well . It was pretty funny . After about 30 minutes we were done with this area and headed back to the car . I stopped to get one more picture of the area the counsel building was located . I was the first one back to the car because the others were taking pictures . Back in the car we were ready for our next stop . We were headed back to Wellington and onto the second part of the tour . As we drove back to town we watched an MTV Music Awards clip with Jack Black pretending to be a hobbit with the ring and Sarah Michelle Gellar as an elf . It was pretty funny , but I had seen it before . We also watched a Hobbit Video Blog that followed the creation of the new movies . It included behind the scenes information about the locations used in the movie . It was episode 6 . There are 7 currently done , and an 8th one will be released shortly . Once we got back to Wellington we had to drop of the Australian girl . She was actually from India , but lived in Australia . She was staying in a nice hotel and her husband was waiting for her . He didn 't want to come on the tour for some reason . He missed out . We had to pick up two more people that were doing the afternoon portion only . We went to the Te Papa Museum to get them . It was a mom and daughter and they were from Houston . So now it was me and Andy , the Brazilian guy , and the Houston women . This portion of the tour focused on Mt . Victoria and the surrounding woods , Weta Cave , and Peter Jackson 's movie studio , Stone Street Productions . We were going to be spending about an hour and a half walking around in the woods and it was still cloudy . We were hoping the rain would hold off for the rest of the day like it had in the morning . The drive to the top of Mt . Victoria was very windy and full of big houses on the side of the hill . It was obviously where the rich people live . Rich people always like building houses on the sides of hills . It 's weird to me . The woods were known as Hobbiton Woods in the movie . When we got there the other tour company 's van was already parked . She pointed out her competition . We had to walk down a steep hill along the trail to the site of our first scene . It was really windy . Wellington is known for being very windy , but being in the trees I figured it would block it a little . It didn 't at all . I thought D / FW was windy , but this was ridiculous . There was an unmarked trail that looked more like a jack rabbit trail than for people that we walked along . It led to an overlook with a steep drop off to the small grassy area below and the city off in front . This was the Weathertop Hills where two of the hobbits had lit a fire and Frodo was worried the Black Riders would see them . This spot was also the site where the Riders of Rohan had camped before going into a battle . It wasn 't a very big area , but apparently a lot of tents , horses , and people were crammed into this tiny spot . To make it not look like the city was in the background a huge green screen was set up . The background scenes for the Riders of Rohan were filmed on the south island in the Southern Alps Mountains that we had previously visited . Many of them were from the Queenstown area . We walked a little further down the trail and saw the site where Samwise and Frodo had stopped on their first night to camp . Frodo was sitting in the tree and Sam was on the ground eating . We watched the clip , and then set in the tree to re - enact the scene . Alice had a pipe and a piece of fake sausage on a fork to recreate what we had just watched . We all did it , but I had to do it twice . I was Sam in the shot with Andy so he could be Frodo . I was Frodo the second time so the Brazilian guy could have his picture taken since he was by himself . As we were walking we passed the other tour company . There was only one person on the tour and it didn 't have the movie clips and pictures to look at . I don 't know why they were so expensive because they offered nothing more , and in fact offered less than what we were getting . I was glad we chose the cheaper tour option . We returned back down the trail the way we had come before to the spot where Frodo , Sam , Mary , and Pippin were almost seen by the Black Rider . This part was filmed directly on the trail . The set up to this scene was of Mary and Pippin stealing vegetables from a garden and then bumping into Sam and Frodo . They were running from the farmer and tripped and fell . The garden scene was filmed somewhere else , but the scene where they rolled down the hill was right here in the woods . Stunt men were used to film the shot so that none of the main actors were injured . They came tumbling down the hill and dropped about 3 ½ feet off a ledge onto the path we were walking on . They piled up on top of each other and this was the part we recreated . There were more props . There was a clay carrott , a green piece of foam that symbolized poop , and a piece of grass . Only me , Andy , and the Brazilian guy were in this one because the girls didn 't want to lay on the ground . I was on the bottom and had my face in the poop . I know me and Andy were Pippin , but I 'm not sure who was who . I 'll need to re - watch the movie to find out . At the same spot Frodo gets up and tells the rest of the hobbits to get off the trail . This is where the Black Rider is trying to find them . There is a close - up shot of Frodo which was easy to point out . There was a big tree over his shoulder that is still there . The trees off in the distance on the trail are identical as well . As the Black Rider comes closer they jump off the trail into a small hole below the trail . It is about a 2 ½ foot drop off . In the movie there was a large tree they jumped under and hid below the roots , but that tree doesn 't actually exist . It was a man - made prop . The Brazilian guy recognized this entire area from the movie , and even asked where the tree was . Alice told us how it was created for the scene and brought in . There was one more spot we needed to see before leaving the woods . Back at the steep hill we first walked down is where we stopped . Off in the woods in front of us was where the four hobbits ran down the hill to escape the Black Riders . At the end of the scene they got into a small boat and Frodo had to jump off the dock . The water portion wasn 't filmed here , but the rest of it was . The other characters each did something too . Sam was the last to come down the hill . For this scene it was filmed around midnight and was freezing cold and had been raining . It was filmed on October 31 , which also happened to be the director 's birthday . The hobbits had to wear their big hairy feet that were made of latex . On the slippery mud it was hard for them to run and especially get back up the hill to redo the scene until Peter Jackson liked it . They employed a group of men with the sole purpose of carrying the hobbits to the top of the hill . With so many trees it was hard to see everything clearly , but with a little imagination it was possible . The scene was dark also , so that didn 't help . The next scene shot from this some spot was at the top of the hill from where we walked down . Just over the edge on the opposite side was the road , but this is also the site of one of the most memorable scenes . It included the Black Rider . The scene is of the Black Rider walking across an opening with trees on either side of him . He stops for a second as smoke is rising around him . It 's one of the scarier scenes , but it was really neat to see where it was filmed . It looked spooky even in the daylight . We walked back up the hill and got in the car . We were now going to visit Stone Street Studios and the Weta Cave in a neighboring town called Marimar . The studios were purchased by Peter Jackson shortly before the filming of Lord of the Rings and over the years has expanded a great deal . A lot of the scenes were filmed inside the studio . For example , the inside of the hobbit holes were all filmed here . The outside scenes were filmed in Matamata , a small town south of Auckland . As we drove there we watched clips from some of Peter Jackson 's other movies . They included Heavenly Creatures starring Kate Winslet and The Frightening starring Michael J . Fox . Heavenly Creatures was about two girls that became really good friends and murdered one of the girls ' mothers because she was too controlling . It was based on a true story from New Zealand . It looked horrible based on the previews . The Frightening was made just before Michael J . Fox began the TV show Spin City . It also looked horrible . The special effects were pretty terrible and wasn 't scary at all . I think it was supposed to be a comedy . I 'm not sure and I don 't care to find out . The only thing interesting about this movie was the fact that we were visiting a spot where one of the opening scenes was filmed . The road we were taking to Marimar was very windy with lots of sharp turns . Peter Jackson loved this road and always wanted to use it in one of his movies . When making The Frightening he got his chance . The car is driving down the road and then crosses the grass down to the road below . We drove by that part . It took about 25 minutes to get to Marimar . The Stone Street Studio itself just looks like large warehouse buildings in a residential neighborhood . They were shut down so Peter Jackson bought them . There was nothing fancy about them at all . We weren 't allowed to go inside , but we could see a little bit . We watched a behind the scenes clip as we parked outside . Peter Jackson and other characters from the movie did a tour of the studio in the 7th blog episode that we watched . There was a map that showed the layout , which Alice paused the video on so we could see what we were looking at . It wasn 't really that neat since we couldn 't see anything . The best thing we saw were large train cars that were stacked up on top of each other . This was only neat because it used to have a very large green screen on it so scenes from the movie could be filmed at the studio , but other locations were used for the background . There were a ton of cars parked in front of the buildings and along the street . It wasn 't the best spot for such a large studio . I would imagine it would be somewhere else with more privacy . We drove down the street a few blocks and parked at Weta Cave . They do things with animation , costumes , artwork , small scale models , paint , and anything else that is needed to make a movie more believable . Some of the movies and television shows they have created or worked with include Lord of the Rings , Xena Warrior Princess , Hercules , Jane and the Dragon , Avatar , Chronicles of Narnia , and many more . I was actually really surprised to learn that New Zealand would have such a well - known special effects studio . Many people in Hollywood use them for a number of needs . James Cameron , creator of Avatar , has expressed his interest in creating 6 more Avatar movies and has even made plans to move to New Zealand and become a citizen . Peter Jackson wanted to use Weta for Lord of the Rings because he was starting his career in directing around the same time Weta was created . He used their work for two of his earlier movies , The Frightening and Heavenly Creatures . The company Weta took it 's name from a local bug that lives on an island off the coast of Wellington and a few other spots in New Zealand . They are large grasshopper type bugs , but much larger . They can grow to the size of a person 's hand . We haven 't seen any , but they seem pretty scary . They are prehistoric bugs that looked like little monsters , which is what the Weta Studios was trying to create when they first started . Since that time they have obviously branched out into other areas . Inside the Weta Cave we watched a 25 minute video which detailed a lot of the work they have done on Lord of the Rings and other movies . It was actually very informative . A lot of it dealt with the creation of the new Lord of the Rings movies and the work they did with the hobbits and their costumes . The new movie seems like it will deal mostly with hobbits , but the second movie is supposed to follow Gandalf as he goes off on his own . This is according to Alice . After the movie ended we went into the little shop and saw a lot of the things the people at Weta have created . Many of them have been made into small scale models and are sold as limited edition collector 's items . They are very expensive , but really cool also . There were a few statues inside too . There was an Orc , Gollum crouched down on a tree trunk , and a few other people from some of the other movies they have worked on . There were books and other things for sale , but ridiculously priced . We had wanted to find figurines for sale , but they didn 't seem to exist . I just wanted something like a plastic toy that was mass produced , but this place just had hand - made things . There was a small room with figurines of almost every major character from Lord of the Rings , but they were just for display . We spent about an hour at the Weta Cave and then were ready to go . It was about 5 : 30 PM and we were supposed to be done just after 6 PM . We started driving back to Wellington , but took a different route back . We drove through the town of Marimar and saw the place where most of the main actors lived during the filming of the movies . The studio wanted the actors to bring their families over and live in houses so they would feel more comfortable and be fully immersed in New Zealand culture since they were going to be there for a long time . Frodo , Elijah Wood 's character , lived in New Zealand for almost 5 years during the filming and after it ended . Most of the people lived right in town , but a few short term actors just stayed in hotels . Ian McCllelan , Gandalf , lived further outside of town because he wanted more privacy and space . He was about 45 minutes from town . As we were driving back we passed a school , which at the time was the site of an army base . It wasn 't being used so for the movie a set was built to create the town with the Prancing Pony . I don 't know the name of the town in the movie . The town took 3 months to build and was used for about 20 seconds in the movie . Right when it was finished they tore it down . That seems to be the way it is in movies . That was just about the last site we saw on our tour . Our next stop was the drop off point for all of the people on tour . As we drove back we watched a clip from a fake interview conducted by Dominick Monahan , one of the hobbits in the movie and Charlie from Lost . He was interviewing Elijah Wood by satellite . Elijah Wood couldn 't see who was interviewing him , but Dominick Monahan could see Elijah . He used a German accent and pretended to be a reporter . It was a pretty funny interview because he was asking all kinds of stupid questions and interrupting the entire time . It was obvious that Elijah didn 't know what was going on , but thought it was a strange interview . At the end Dominick said who he was and they laughed about it . It 's on the deleted scenes on the extended edition DVD . That ended just as we were getting to Wellington . The two Houston women were dropped off at the door to their fancy hotel . We wanted to be dropped off on Cuban Street because it was where a lot of restaurants were , but it was too far out of the way so we just said the I - site would be fine and we would walk from there . It was only a few blocks away . We got dropped off and the journey through Middle Earth came to an end . It was a really good tour and I learned a lot from it . Alice was a great guide even though the price was outrageous . She told us that she had learned so much about the behind the scenes information because the owner of the tour company 's brother works for Weta and had a lot of inside knowledge . He even got to be in a scene . After shooting had finished and all the stars sent home Peter Jackson decided he wanted to add a scene . He used a lot of people that worked for Weta as Orcs . He also used himself and his son in a few scenes . She was headed to the rugby game that night and we were off to dinner . We had read about a pizza place in town so we wanted to check it out . We walked a few blocks and came to an area that looked like it was having an outdoor market . We walked down a little alley to a place full of little tents selling different types of food and crafts . There were also a lot of Asian food restaurants . They looked cheap and had lots of food , which is what I was wanting . We looked at the menus of a few , but didn 't know what we wanted . We left to see if we could find the pizza place we originally wanted , but I was thinking it would be expensive and not as much food as an Asian dish . We walked a few blocks down the road and found the pizza place . They sold more than just pizza , but it looked expensive . We walked back to the Asian place and looked at the menu on the wall for about 10 minutes and picked out what we wanted . The choices were Vietnamese or Thai . We decided on Vietnamese since it was more food for less money . We ordered and when I went to pay they said they didn 't take credit cards . We didn 't take any cash because we didn 't think we would need any all day . Almost every place we have been on the trip have accepted credit cards . We left to see if the Thai restaurant accepted credit cards . They didn 't . It looked like we weren 't going to be eating dinner . We walked down the road and saw a bar / restaurant called Matterhorn . We had read it was really good in the Lonely Planet , but when we walked in it looked really expensive . It was dark and the people looked nicely dressed . We walked out immediately . We were considering going back to the hostel to make ramen noodles or going to the grocery store and getting something . We even considered Burger King , but I didn 't want a burger . We were walking down the road and saw a Malaysian restaurant called Little Penang . We asked if they took credit cards and they did . I didn 't know what anything on the menu was . I was just looking at prices really . I asked what was good and the lady recommended the two specials . Both of them were cheap and included lots of food . We couldn 't decide so we got one of each and planned to split them . One dish included fried rice , shrimp , and chicken and the other one was braised beef with white rice , cabbage , and some hot sauce . We ordered mildly spicy , but it was still really hot . We didn 't have anything to drink either . The food was really pretty good . We walked about 7 minutes down the road back to our hostel . It was about 8 PM , but I was really tired . I wanted to get some hot chocolate , but there were no cups in the kitchen . All the people seem to take the dishes and not return them , especially at night . I went back to the room to type in my journal . We ate some cookies and chocolate for dessert . The Asian girl above my bed had moved to be on the last bottom bunk . The other girl had left . I typed in my journal for a few hours and then fell asleep because I was so tired from the long day we had . |
We were up bright and early , just putting the last bits and pieces in the car when the phone rang . It was my daughter Kristie , who lived with my twin sister Tina and her husband , Woody , and their family . She told me that Tina was in hospital about to have an emergency operation . She had suffered a brain haemorrhage late on Wednesday night and was due in theatre any minute to have life saving brain surgery . I felt my legs go to jelly and I could hardly speak . I had been speaking to Tina only the evening before and she had been totally fine . I went straight to Tina 's house as her children all needed to be cared for and I wanted to be with Kristie too . Tina and Woody had been unable to have children and had adopted seven learning disabled children over the course of several years . They ranged in age from three to seventeen at the time . It was an unreal morning , trying to hold myself together for the sake of the children , but desperately waiting for the phone call from Woody , who was at the hospital , to find if she had made it through the surgery . Finally just after lunch Woody rang to say she was in intensive care but that the surgery had been successful . I was over the moon . I had been praying so hard and felt that my prayers had been answered . Within a couple of days Tina was moved to the High Dependency Unit and was doing well . She complained of the most dreadful headache but the staff told us that was quite normal due to her brain surgery . After just a few more days Tina was moved to a general neurological ward and appeared to be making excellent progress . She was able to walk and talk quite normally and have a shower and walk around the ward . The expectation was that she would be home within the week ! Kristie and I were visiting her daily and on the Thursday , just a week after her operation , we had all been sitting chatting about the programmes she would be watching that evening when the nurse brought her tea , which included a small bowl of ice cream . Within minutes Tina 's speech was becoming confused and then I noticed that she was having problems eating her ice cream . Her hand was making odd movements and she was unable to hold the spoon . I alerted the staff on the ward and they explained that she might have some fluid on the brain and would carry out a lumbar puncture to release any fluid . When I left the hospital that evening I was obviously concerned , but the staff had been very reassuring and it seemed that this was quite normal and that the lumbar puncture was routine . The following morning I rang the hospital and they asked me to visit urgently . They explained that Tina was once again in intensive care . I was not at all prepared for what faced me that day . The consultant explained that Tina had suffered a massive stroke due to having a vasospasm , a rare side effect of the brain surgery . In layman 's terms , the blood vessels within her brain had gone into spasm and no blood had been able to reach the frontal lobes . I was warned that they fully expected her to die . I don 't know how I managed to physically stand by her bed , I was shaking and crying so much . She was lying there covered with wires and tubes , buzzers kept going off and she was fitting , which was terrifying to watch . The machines that were keeping her alive required almost constant attention by the special nurses who were with her . I couldn 't believe that she had been doing so well and now they really thought she would die . I prayed so much that day , I asked God why this happened and kept telling Tina over and over again how much I loved her and that she would come through this ok . When I eventually left the hospital that evening I emailed every healer I could find on the internet asking if they could please send Tina healing . I really didn 't think I 'd be able to sleep that night , but nervous exhaustion thankfully sent me straight to sleep . I awoke in the morning dreading the news from the hospital . I phoned and they said she was ' stable ' , but added that there had been no improvement . I went to the hospital as soon as I could and was met by the ward sister who told me to expect the worse . She explained that only the machines were keeping her alive , and even if she did survive the prognosis was that she would be severely disabled and unable to enjoy any quality of life as her brain was so badly damaged . Yet again I sat with her , talking to her , stroking her hand gently . I prayed that she would not leave me . I had lost my Mum , my Dad and my brother all within the space of three and half months just a few years before , and I just couldn 't bear the thought of losing my twin sister too . I talked to her about our childhood , about the fun we used to have , about family memories , even about the battles we 'd had . I just felt that I could not give up . I was sure one day that she had lightly squeezed my hand as I was about to leave , but the nurses assured me that she wouldn 't be able to do that . They said that her brain was unable to distinguish my voice and that she most probably did not have the ability to understand anything I said to her . I ignored their advise and just carried on chatting to her right up until the moment I had to leave in the evenings . Days went by and there was no progress and it became more and more likely that she would just fade away . I was totally heartbroken . I had never lived through such a time . Being an identical twin is impossible to really understand unless you are a twin yourself . We had been together since before we were born . We had shared virtually every part of our lives , most of our childhood and teenage experiences , and even though we had fought dreadfully at times , we were always there for each other and loved one another more than can be explained . Now , days in to her stroke , I was trying to come to terms with the real possibility that this was the end . That I would not have my twin sister anymore . They decided to carry out a further operation to install a shunt , a drain in her brain , which would release the fluid from her brain into her stomach . The operation was in itself risky , but without it she didn 't stand a chance , the fluid in her brain was building all the time . Again there was the dreadful time of waiting to see if she had pulled through and thankfully she did . We waited for a couple more days to see if there was any improvement , but still Tina just lay there motionless , on full life support , with every vein in her body seemingly linked to some needle to give her life saving fluids and drugs . They even had to start using the veins in her feet as they were running out of veins in her arms , her hands and her shoulders . I continually asked God why this was happening and what more could I do to help her and her family through this , but I was too upset to hear any answers . Finally , in desperation , I called a medium that I found on the internet . I didn 't want to phone anyone who knew me , I really wanted someone who had no previous knowledge of who I was . Immediately she began speaking to me , she described our Dad in the most wonderful detail , and told me that he was talking about someone very close to me who had suffered a bleed on the brain . She said this person was in a critical condition and was literally between worlds . She then went on to describe our Mum , both physically and her character , and said that she was with both of us . Amazingly she also described our brother and said that he was looking over us and that he was giving me the strength to cope with it all . She told me that Tina was aware of them with her . I asked her why this was happening and she said that Tina had chosen to go through this before she was born . She explained that it was an experience Tina 's soul had wanted and importantly it would show who would support her and who wouldn 't , who would be able to understand , and who would turn away due to the severity of the situation . I did ask if Tina would survive and the medium told me that she couldn 't answer that , but said that Tina had a very strong spirit and that whatever happened was supposed to happen . I was stunned by such an accurate reading , but still had wished that I could have been told what would be the outcome . The next day I went into the hospital again and as I walked in I said my usual ' Hi Sis ' and took her hand . I was sure her eyelids moved and then thought I felt her gently squeeze my hand again . I didn 't mention it to the nurses , who I felt sure thought I was imagining it , but inside I felt a warm glow and a real sense of joy . Something in me realised that she had turned the corner , that she would be ok . For the first time in weeks I felt an inner calm , an inner strength , I knew I could cope , as if I had been shown there was light at the end of the tunnel . I was full of optimism for her future . Tina 's small movements became almost like a secret code between her and I . Many times that day her eyelids moved as I said something funny and her fingers softly brushed mine . I gave her a kiss goodbye before I left and said I 'd see her the next day . The following day I was over the moon to see that Tina had her tracheostomy tube removed . She could breathe on her own ! That was a huge hurdle . As usual I said ' Hi Sis ' when I arrived and I almost fell over when a few moments later she uttered , in a very hoarse voice , ' Hi ' - she was back ! ! ! The nurses were laughing and clapping and the whole atmosphere in the unit was lifted . She didn 't say anything again for a few days , but she still kept moving her eyelids and through her squeezing my hand I could feel her strength grow day by day . After several more weeks Tina slowly made progress to the point where she was transferred to a neurological rehabilitation unit within the hospital . She was paralysed on her right side , still doubly incontinent , unable to even turn herself , unable to swallow food , and only able to say a few words , but she could laugh , and we would share afternoons laughing at the times we had been through together . I would sit with her and we would watch comedy shows and it would lift her spirits . It really did seem that through joy and laughter she became better and better . Through everything that had happened to her she had managed somehow to keep her sense of humour . Over the two years Tina spent in two specialist rehabilitation hospitals , she showed incredible inner strength and courage , overcoming the most enormous obstacles . Learning to do even the most basic things from scratch which most of us take for granted . She suffered dreadful setbacks , crippling pain in her paralysed arm and leg , frustration of a damaged brain that would not function as she wished , and the agony of a broken hip from falling over when trying to use a walking stick . She had to be admitted to a normal hospital for a hip replacement operation and this caused even more problems as people didn 't understand her speech and her understanding of language , having had such a serious brain injury . Everytime they asked her if she required painkillers she said yes , even if she didn 't , and by the time she was returned to the rehab unit she was totally bombed by the amount of morphine in her body . It took weeks for her to get back to some sense of normality . She suffered incredible loneliness and depression whilst trying to come to terms with the fact that most importantly , she had lost her independence . There were so many experiences that had me in tears over the time she was in hospital , but one of the most memorable occasions for me was when she was first able to stand , albeit with support , and we could have a hug . It was the best hug I 'd ever had . We were both in tears as for the first time in many months I held her in my arms and she could hug me back too . Another wonderful memory was just before her first Christmas in hospital . The nurses organised a Carol Service and arranged for a local choir to come along and we all sat singing the carols . Many of the patients sang too , including Tina , who still has a beautiful singing voice . They gave her a microphone and she sang Once in Royal David 's City . With tears streaming down my face it took me straight back to when we were both five and were angels in our school nativity play and we had sung that very song together back then . I was amazed by the most wonderful work the teams at the rehabilitation units undertook to get Tina as far along the recovery route as possible . Their patience and understanding was incredible . I was overwhelmed by the gentleness and kindness of other relatives visiting their loved ones who were also going through the most traumatic times and yet there was a camaraderie between us all , all supporting one another and all living for the time when those dear to us would regain even a little of their lives . The love within the rehab units was so strong . They were places of both immense sadness and unbelievable joy , much laughter and sometimes , sadly , unbearable heartache . I was stunned by the kindness from the wonderful worldwide community of healers , many of whom stayed in contact with me throughout her two years in hospital . The strangers , literally scattered across the globe who showed an interest and continued to send their healing thoughts to Tina . I will never be able to thank them enough . I was so saddened by the lack of support from the friends and relatives that Tina had . I would never have thought that those whom she had loved and considered close backed away and found themselves too busy to even phone to find out how she was . I was appalled by the total lack of support from social services who I had assumed would be able to offer some kind of help to Woody and the children , but who in reality basically told me that as the children had been adopted and not fostered there was nothing they could do . Just as the medium had said , it was an experience which showed people 's true colours . It was an eye - opener where friends and relatives were concerned , but it has made us both realise who really matters and who had only been there for the good times . The marriage vow , ' for better , for worse ' , often comes to my mind when I think of the people in Tina 's life who moved away from her and her family during this time , when they needed the love and support the most , and sadly received it the least . Some people even voiced that they felt it would have been better that she had just died . It is something I have tried to understand , but just can 't grasp . Maybe the lessons are for all of them , maybe they too one day may require those they hold dear to have the patience and understanding to deal with such a trauma , who knows . Some things are beyond my comprehension and maybe I will find the answers when I am once again back with my family in the spirit world . Tina amazed all the consultants and specialists involved in her care . They said many times that her recovery was a miracle , that it should have been impossible for her to make the progress that she has . Although paralysed on her right side she is still improving . She has learnt to walk again , to eat again , has regained her speech , kept most of her memories and importantly has made new friends through her involvement in stroke clubs that she regularly attends . She has become an avid reader , has learnt to master her i - phone and laptop , how to use Spotify to listen to her favourite music , and can play a mean game of scrabble ! I feel blessed that I still have my sister and that I have been able to share in such an enlightening experience . I thank Mum , Dad and our brother Ray , for the continued love and support they have given us , without which I am sure I would have crumbled . I thank God for Tina 's ongoing recovery and for the strength I was given to cope with this . Most of all I thank Tina for being my twin , she is an inspiration . When I was in my early twenties my ex and I lived in Twickenham and we would often drive along Richmond Road to Richmond . One day we drove past a truck with a lift attached to the back . I have no idea what they are called , but they have a small cage which normally has one or two men in it whilst they carry out maintenance to the street lamps . As we drove towards the truck I could see a film in my head of the cage being hit by a double - decker bus . I felt sick in my stomach and without realising it had let out a very loud " oh my God " . He asked me what the problem was and I told him what I had just seen in my head . He kind of tutted and said it would be fine . It was quite a long road and before the road went to the left round a bend I looked out of the back window back towards the truck . I could see a bus coming along and then to my horror it hit the cage . I gasped and shouted " oh no , you have to stop " but my ex was in busy traffic . He said that as the road was busy there would be lots of people to help . I think he expected me to just carry on as normal but I just couldn 't . In August 1990 I was working and living in Okehampton , Devon . Working so close to home meant that I could go home for lunch and give myself a welcome break from the pressure of my work . I remember one day so very well . I had sat down to eat a sandwich , put the television on and saw that the lunchtime news was giving information about a missing little girl . She was only eight years old and very strangely had been taken through an open window of a caravan whilst she and her family were on holiday in Bridport , Dorset . As I watched I felt so worried for her and concerned for her family . I doubt that anyone can imagine how it must feel to know that your child has been taken and you have no idea where she is , or even whether she is dead or alive . Oddly , as I watched the footage of a line of police officers scouring the local fields for any evidence , I had another movie playing in my head . I could see the little girl in a derelict house with a young man and she was frightened and crying . Most importantly she was alive . I felt the man was mentally unstable and that concerned me more than anything . Then , just as suddenly as the ' movie ' had started , it stopped and I was back to watching tv again . I was quite taken aback and really thought that it was just wishful thinking . There was a part of me that thought I should do something about the pictures I had just seen , but the logical part of me disregarded the nagging voice in my head , and so I put it to one side and went back to work . Throughout the afternoon though I kept seeing the same movie over and over again , and no matter how I tried to ignore it , it just wouldn 't go away . Finally , by the time I had finished work and went home I was beginning to think I was going mad . I was sure that by now they would have found the girl and as soon as I got indoors I put the tv on to see the evening news . Again , they showed the police looking for her , and yet again in my head I was shown the house she was in . I had a lurching feeling in my stomach as if I had just been given some bad news . I realised then that I couldn 't sit and do nothing and so I decided to phone my local police station . I had half expected them to tell me not to waste their time , and was in fact already wondering what else I could do if that was the case . Much to my surprise the man who answered the phone listened patiently and told me they would send a detective to come and see me . Even more surprising was that he arrived only about ten minutes later . As I opened the door a wave of embarrassment came over me , I told him that he most probably would think I was totally crazy but I just knew I had to do something and didn 't know what else to do other than phone the police . He was actually very nice and told me that having been in the police service for a number of years nothing surprised him anymore . He asked me to describe the house and the young man I had seen and also asked if I could draw the house for him . I tried my best to explain everything in the greatest detail I could , I managed to draw a rough sketch of the house and signed a formal police statement . As he left I literally prayed that someone somewhere would take notice of the information and that they would start to search houses for the little girl rather than looking in the countryside for a corpse . I really felt that time was running out and that they had been looking in the wrong place . I hardly slept that night , and again , first thing in the morning put on the tv to see the news . The little girl had still not been found . I felt I had no option but to drive the 65 miles to Bridport . I was hoping against hope that I would somehow be able to spot the house , and if I did I had planned to then inform the police . I drove around for hours , but didn 't see any houses like the one I had seen in my vision . I sadly and wearily drove back to Okehampton . A huge part of me felt I had let the little girl down and I was becoming concerned that the video I had seen in my head seemed to have gone away . I just prayed that nothing dreadful had happened to her . I was glued to the tv all evening and there was still no news . Again I had a restless night . I was puzzling why I could no longer see the pictures in my mind and also wondering if I had somehow imagined the whole thing . At last the morning arrived and the first thing I did was put the television on . Still no news . I went to work , struggling to stay awake and to stay calm but with my tummy continually churning , which I have learnt over the years is a physical response I have when spirit is close . Thankfully that day the little girl was found , safe and well . I was absolutely amazed when they showed the house on the tv and zoomed in - it was exactly the derelict house I had described to the police . Also , as I had told them , she was with a young man who was later found guilty of kidnap and imprisoned in a secure mental health unit . I now wonder if my visions had stopped because I had done all I could . I doubt if I will ever really know . After this event I seemed to go through a couple of years where many times , especially when a child went missing , I would be shown the most sad and often harrowing scenes but I was not given any further information . I would also watch tv interviews of families where children had gone missing and know instinctively who was responsible , but with no evidence to back it up I couldn 't contact anyone . I just knew that there was nothing I could do . On each occasion my ' knowing ' was proved right . Eventually I asked my guides not to let me have information if there was no action I could take to help and thankfully those kind of visions stopped . On the plus side , when I was learning to drive in deepest Devon , many of my lessons were on very narrow winding roads . Very often my driving instructor would comment on my sixth sense as I would often be happily whizzing along for miles , then I would just know to slow down and pull over , and sure enough a car would always come the other way . I had several lessons with my good friend Jeanette and she became really spooked by my unusual awareness . On so many occasions I would know exactly what other cars were going to do , even if their signals and road position indicated otherwise . One time we were behind queuing cars at traffic lights and I was supposed to get in the empty right hand lane to turn right , but I held back . Jeanette told me to move forward but I insisted that the car at the lights , indicating left and with his wheels already pointing in that direction , would be pulling across in front of me . Jeanette laughed and just thought I was being daft . Sure enough though , as the lights changed , the car in the left hand lane suddenly swung to the right and tore off at great speed . Almost thirty years ago I had a wonderful spiritual reading , by telephone , with a medium I had never met . Straight away she asked me if I ever felt ' cobwebs ' on my face as I was driving . I said yes . it was quite normal for me , and she went on to explain that it was a sign that my maternal Grandfather was with me . She told me he was a lorry driver in his life time and he was looking after me . She knew nothing about me , but she was right , he had been a lorry driver , and since that time whenever I feel ' cobwebs ' on my face I say thank you to my Grandfather . This has happened so many times , and still does , I really feel I am so fortunate to have him watching over me . Over the years I have learnt to trust spirit and the visions I have which have rarely been incorrect . I have sometimes wondered if my life would have been easier had I not been so aware , but in reality I wouldn 't change a thing . My connections with spirit have made such an enormous and positive difference to my life and hopefully , at times , have helped others along the way too . If through my awareness , even just a few people have been touched by the love of spirit and the knowledge that our lives , right now , are only part of our souls journey , then I feel truly blessed . I had just published my last post , 43 ) Interconnectedness , and whilst waiting for my toast to cool down , I was reading an email that had just arrived in my inbox . It was from Global One TV . I clicked on the link to look at their site and was drawn to take a look at the information about a film which has been made by Tom Shadyac . He directed many well - known entertaining films including The Nutty Professor , Bruce Almighty and Liar , Liar . The film he has made is a million miles away from his previous genre . I AM is a film he began to make after he was badly injured in a cycling accident and had begun to question his life , and to face the prospect of his own mortality . He wanted to investigate what is wrong with our world and what we can do to change it . He travelled extensively and , with a small film crew of only four , he interviewed several leading authorities on everything from science to psychology , from the environment to philosophy . He spoke to many many people in his search for answers including Bishop Desmond Tutu and Lynne McTaggart , the best - selling author whose work involves the linking of science and spirituality and the realism of quantum physics . What he found was that there was a lot more right with the world than he ever thought before . I watched the trailer for the movie and was blown away by the references to the connectedness of us all , of everything we know . http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = iYtfnONazTU & feature = related On Tuesday nights I watch ' Touch ' , a fictional supernatural programme starring Keifer Sutherland who plays Martin , a widower , and who is the single father of a young boy , Jake , who is emotionally challenged . Martin is unable to make any kind of connection with Jake who has never spoken a word and will not allow anyone to touch him . Jake lives in his own world but he is obsessed with numbers and can see both the past , present and future through the connections that the numbers make . I have always felt that we are all connected , that we are all from the creator , or as some would say , from source , or from God . I find the series fascinating with its insight into synchronicity and the realisation for the father , Martin , that there are no such things as coincidences . On Monday I had received an email from a woman in America who has been reading my blogs . She asked me if I could help her in advising how she could receive spiritual healing . She had , she felt , been the victim of a con man who had charged her quite a large amount for supposedly healing her . She needed someone she could trust and had asked spirit for guidance and they had told her to contact me ! I wasn 't feeling too well on Tuesday , so I didn 't reply to her straight away , but sent an email telling her I would email her again on Wednesday . Tuesday night I settled down to watch Touch . This weeks episode wasn 't so much about numbers , but more about a pattern within a cats cradle that Jake kept making with wool . Martin , his father , had to try to place the pattern and work towards connecting people who were associated with it . All sounds rather odd if you haven 't been watching Touch , but in the programme it all made perfect sense . The important part of the pattern was two triangles which kept appearing in different guises and always made a connection with people , even across continents . On Wednesday morning I was lying in bed , thinking of the email I had received and how I could possibly help someone who lived so far away - over 4 , 000 miles - when I happened to look out of my bedroom window . I just couldn 't believe my eyes when I saw a perfect cross in the sky . It was exactly the pattern that Jake had been showing his father which connected everyone ! I knew there and then that the distance between us meant nothing spiritually . That in itself , was , synchronistically speaking , quite amazing . Later on Wednesday I was chatting to a wonderful friend of mine , Jane , who is both a gifted medium and healer . She was telling me about a workshop she had recently attended which was teaching a new way of healing , it was about a system called The Healing Code . I looked it up on the internet and saw that there was a book available and downloaded it to my kindle . Having read a few chapters I thought it would make sense for the lady in America to read it too . I emailed her and sent her a link to the book . At the same time I agreed to send her spiritual healing myself , and as I was typing her email I was covered in goosebumps which to me shows that I am certainly make the right decision . The following day I received another email from her . On Wednesday she had gone and bought a book , The Power , the follow - up book to The Secret . It wasn 't the one I had been reading , but it included reference to the same man who had written the book I had advised her to buy ! He was the only MD featured in the popular DVD of The Secret . Neither of us could believe it ! ! There we are , me living here in England and her in America , and of all the books in the world , she buys a book that includes a reference to the very same man . What are the chances of that ? More synchronicity . I feel that spirit has shown me this week , in more than one way , that we are all truly connected . We arranged that today I would send the lady spiritual healing . As I sat at a pre - arranged time I was again covered in my familiar goose - bumps and as I asked my healing guides to draw close and send healing to the lady I felt the most wonderful connection . I owe God an apology . Well in fact it 's an apology both to God and Jesus . It 's an apology from myself and also on behalf of my twin sister Tina , as we were in cahoots at the time , so I hope they will accept this from both of us . When we were about eleven years old , Mum was , spiritually speaking , trying to finding her way . From my earliest memories I remember Mum trying various religions . Some she would really get involved in and others she would dismiss very quickly . She was a natural medium , but even with the knowledge that spirit is energy and so , ever - lasting , she was still searching for the meaning of life and felt that ' somewhere ' , ' out there ' she would find it . She was working as a secretary for an airline in Hounslow , Middlesex , close to Heathrow Airport , and it was there that she met another secretary , Jean . Jean was a staunch member of the Plymouth Brethren Church . Unfortunately for us , Mum thought that this religion might be the one that we should all take on board . All , meaning Mum and Tina and myself , as Dad would never step foot inside a church and by that time our older brother , Ray , was more into becoming a hippy and playing his guitar than wanting to find himself embroiled in some religious activities . Jean belonged to a small Plymouth Brethren church that Tina and I attended with Mum on a few occasions . The whole place was very understated and to me felt totally flat . There was no atmosphere at all , no feeling of joyous celebrations of life , just really boring sermons , uncomfortable chairs and self - righteous middle - aged ladies , faces scrubbed clean and dressed in drab neat boring clothes . They had such strict rules which basically meant that if you were to become one of them you wouldn 't be able to have much fun at all . I couldn 't help but wonder why Mum was at all interested in this very odd religion , but I think that the stranger it appeared , the more Mum thought there must be something to it . I am also sure that Jean felt that she could somehow change Mum , give her ' real ' values and that she would throw away her makeup bag , her fashionable clothes , and become just like Jean - a mouse of a woman who spent her life adhering to the strictest of religious rules . Jean must have been very persuasive to get Mum to even consider joining . Jean asked Mum if Tina and I would like to go on a Plymouth Brethren holiday and she had said yes . Mum told us that it would be really good fun and that she felt we hadn 't given the church much of a chance . Reluctantly we agreed to go , after all , we thought , it might be ok because it meant that we would be away on holiday just the two of us for the very first time . We really thought that it couldn 't possibly be that bad ! We had never been camping before and this was a holiday in big tents , so we really were quite excited as we packed our tee shirts and shorts and swimming costumes . I remember feeling so grown up as I carried my own suitcase onto the coach . The holiday was at a campsite at Brean Sands in Somerset , right beside the sea . To me as a child , a seaside holiday meant making sand castles , sunbathing , sticks of rock , chips and fizzy drinks , , swimming in the sea , playing in penny arcades and donkey rides . I imagined us all sitting round a camp fire at night singing jolly songs . When we arrived we were all shown to our tents with our allotted sleeping bags already laid out on the ground . It didn 't look at all comfortable ! There was a large wooden cabin were we all had to meet up for meals and for ' meetings ' . The lady in charge was called ' Captain ' , I would think she was in her mid fifties and wore a rigid black suit with a high neck buttoned white blouse , not your usual holiday clothes at all . She looked like a sergeant major to me and I had an uneasy feeling about her from the off . It was obvious she already knew lots of the other children and her tight - lipped stern expression only softened into a smile when she was addressing those she knew . The rest of us were greeted with a scowl and a look of disdain . Not the best welcome to a week - long holiday . After sorting out our clothes we had to go the cabin for our tea . Captain sat at the top table and before we 'd even eaten a sandwich she was standing up calling from a register and issuing your orders for the week . When she came to Tina and I she told us that we were on latrine duty . I had no idea what a latrine was but soon found out . Basically we were going to be toilet attendants for the week . Somehow that did not thrill us . After tea we were told that the Bible verse for the week was John 10 , verse 10 . ' The thief cometh not , but that he may steal , and kill , and destroy : I came that they may have life , and may have it abundantly ' . Captain explained that what that meant was that we were all sinners and unless we behaved ourselves and repented that we would not go to heaven . I was really worried , because I knew that I wasn 't always good and had sometimes been naughty . I was convinced that there was no way I was ever going to be able to get into heaven . That first night when I went to sleep , in my sleeping bag on the lumpy ground , I was trying so hard not to cry because I really thought I was going to be in such trouble with God . The following morning after breakfast ( and prayers … . lots of prayers ) Tina and I had to carry out our latrine duties for the first time . The loos were dreadful . Everything smelt of jeyes fluid and the brushes for cleaning the toilet bowls had seen better days . It was not a pleasant task . I can 't begin to explain the state of some of the seats … . I still don 't know how they ever got like that . We had though been told that we would off on a bus to go to the beach for the rest of the day , so that was something we could really look forward to . We all went and waited at the bus stop with our swimming costumes and towels full of happy thoughts for the day ahead . The bus arrived , complete with some local passengers and on we all got . Much to our absolute horror , Captain got everyone singing hymns . " S - A - V - I - O - U - R - we want you all to know , you 're the one , the only one who saves from sin ( saves from sin ) , if in him , you will believe , his pardon you 'll receive " , etc etc . I felt a total fool with everyone staring at us . I had no option but to get used to it , because it happened everyday for the whole week . I just kept thinking that no - one would know Tina and I and at least we weren 't singing hymns on a bus where we lived . Even on the beach the theme of the week continued . We were dispatched to sandcastle making teams . It was all very formal and efficient . Each team was given a passage from the bible that you had to make into a sand sculpture . My team had the verse ' For narrow is the gate , and straitened the way , that leadeth unto life , and few be they that find it . ' Captain explained that in order to get into heaven we had to walk along the narrow path , but that most of us walked a wider path . There was that threat again . Behave … or else ! There was no swimming , no boat rides , no ice creams . No fun at all . To me , even at that young age , I felt that their whole philosophy was one of fear . So it went on through the whole week . I really wasn 't sleeping very well and both Tina and I cried ourselves to sleep every night because our worries were growing by the day . I made the massive mistake of asking Captain if we would be able to go to the pier and the fun fair . My goodness , she was not happy with me at all . I was told that I was sinful to want to go against the teachings of the bible . Then to top it off Tina and I were severely reprimanded by Captain , in front of everyone , because we were found walking across a field towards a donkey derby , which we were told , was strictly against God . That 's it , I thought , I 've totally had it now . I was convinced that I was going to hell . It was becoming an increasingly miserable time apart from every night , after the sermon , when other children were standing up telling how they had found Jesus or God . Everyone would be clapping and they would then become an accepted member of the group . It was obvious to us that there were very few left who hadn 't found Jesus , and we were definitely among those few ! It also appeared that those people who had just found God or Jesus were given the better jobs within the camp . People who had been on rubbish patrol would be moved to cutlery placing , those on washing up were put on bread and butter service . It seemed that was the only way to get ahead . Tina and I reckoned that as we were already in so much trouble and we were going to go to hell anyway , we would hatch a plan to get out of latrine duties ! The following evening , after we had cleaned the loos before supper , we had our course of action in place . After we had eaten and said more prayers , and Captain had given us all yet another lengthy sermon on behaving , we stood up in unison . We told her we had found Jesus behind the cabin . She did look a little stunned , but managed a very small smile and everyone started clapping wildly . " The twins have found Jesus " , " the twins have found Jesus " they exclaimed excitedly ! People gathered round us and hugged us . Suddenly we were no longer the outsiders , we were part of the group . The next morning after breakfast we were given new instructions for the rest of the week . No longer did we have to clean the loos , we were told we would be in charge of handing out breakfast cereals and porridge . We had certainly been promoted . Our plan had worked ! Then , the dreaded guilt set in . The realisation of the lies we had told and the total certainty of an everlasting life in hell really took its toll on both of us . We couldn 't wait to get home to talk to Mum and Dad . We were praying they could somehow fix everything with Jesus and God . Thankfully the time to go home eventually arrived . Even now , forty - five years later , I remember how long that week felt . Mum and Dad met us at the coach station and had expected to be meeting two very happy sun tanned girls . Instead we got off the coach and just fell into their arms crying . Through sobs we told them that we were going to hell . We really were distraught . They asked us to explain what had happened and after we had , they told us there was no way in the world we would be going to hell . Dad really was quite cross that anyone could put such fear into children but was laughing uncontrollably when we told him about us finding Jesus behind the cabin . Mum explained that God is love and that there is no way in the world that God would want anyone to be frightened of him . Quite seriously it took months for Tina and I to get over the fears that had been instilled in us that week . Mum , thankfully , decided not to go to the church with Jean ever again and was very pleased when Jean moved offices ! Now , as an older woman , with many years of life 's experiences under my belt , I feel that the higher spirit , the creator of our universe , is as Mum said , pure love . Of that I have absolutely no doubt . I tend to follow my own spiritual pathway and rarely become involved in anything termed as ' religion ' , although I pray every night , and happily pray with friends . I do still wonder whether the other children on that holiday were as frightened as we were . A whole week of being indoctrinated is pretty hard for an adult , never mind a young child . Thank goodness Tina and I had each other and parents who showed us , through example and guidance , what a wonder our creator truly is . I do though still wish to apologise for telling the lie about finding Jesus behind the cabin . Quite possibly ( hopefully ) God and Jesus had a good laugh about it . I am hoping they have a good sense of humour ! I had been chronically ill for a long time when I went along to my first ever healing evening at a spiritualist church . I had absolutely no idea what to expect and only went to accompany a friend . I thought that as it was at a church we would all sit in rows , someone would talk to us about healing and that we might sing a couple of hymns and say a few prayers . I had no knowledge of healing , spiritual or otherwise , and didn 't expect the evening to be particularly special or eventful . So I was surprised , when instead of rows , the chairs were just dotted around the room , and as we walked in I was asked where I would like to sit . I just chose the closest chair and felt a bit odd just sitting there , with no idea what was about to happen . After a few of us had taken our seats the person in charge then allotted a healer to each of us . A very old lady with a gentle smile came and stood beside me and introduced herself as Jeanie . She explained that she was a student healer but that everything she did would be overseen by the woman in charge . I immediately felt at ease and relaxed and just thought to myself that her healing may do some good and certainly wouldn 't do any harm . The lady in charge said the most beautiful prayer and soft spiritual music was played . The room then became quieter and everyone spoke in hushed tones . Jeanie stood in front of me and asked if I minded her holding my hands , which I said I didn 't at all . She looked straight at me and said " I shouldn 't really be telling you this but I am sure I have your Dad with me , " she went on to give a detailed physical description which exactly fitted him . She told me that when she was healing she shouldn 't really be connecting to a spirit , but felt that she had to tell me my Dad was there because she felt his love so strongly . Then she said something that I will never forget . She said " he is telling me to tell you that if his love could cure you , you would be well " . I was stunned , and desperately trying not to cry as they were the exact words that my Dad had said to me the previous summer when we had sat in my garden . He had held my hands and told me he loved me and said that if his love could cure me I would be well ! I had been pretty certain that Dad was there because of Jeanie 's description , but that message just blew me away . No - one would have known that Dad had said those very words to me . I knew how upset both he and Mum had been seeing me so ill and feeling so useless at not being able to take away my pain , all they felt they could do was show how much they loved and cared for me . Jeanie walked behind me and asked if she could then place her hands on my shoulders , which I said was fine . She said if I wanted I could close my eyes . I remember feeling quite overwhelmed by her message and then felt total peace as I closed my eyes and just listened to the music in the background . The next thing I knew was that I was not aware of my body at all , it was the oddest sensation , I felt so light and like I was floating . I tried to feel my feet on the floor , but it was like they didn 't exist . All I could see was the colour green , a bright vibrant green , like a fresh leaf in springtime with the sun streaming through it . I was surrounded by it , enveloped by it and strange as it may seem , it was as if I was it . I felt like I was a disc at the centre of me and I was spinning round and round . The spinning became faster and faster and faster , all I can really say it that I was , or became , just pure and utter bliss . I tried to work out what I was and all I could come up with was that I felt like a Catherine wheel ! I was unaware that I had slumped forward in the chair and the next thing I knew was that the lady in charge was asking me if I was alright . I felt dazed , and to be honest , almost a little annoyed to be bought back from ' Blissville ' . Jeanie later told me that it was the most profound healing session for her . She said she had never felt so much love coming through her . I felt elated knowing that my Dad was there for me . It was only several months later when I first started to learn about chakras that I was surprised to read that chakras are discs that spin , sometimes described as energy vortices throughout the spiritual body . The heart chakra is normally green and is often associated with love and healing . Now , when I meditate I sometimes visualise my chakras , working my way from the base chakra upwards through my body , and I always smile when I get to my heart chakra , because to me it will always be my very own Catherine wheel ! Several years ago I had been through the most difficult year of my life . My Mum , my brother and my Dad were all taken to spirit within weeks of each other and I felt my heart was breaking . At the same time , as well as dealing with my own personal losses , there was so much negativity everywhere . Every time I put the television or radio on there was more depressing news . I have never understood how people could be so cruel to one another , or use their own greed to take from the needy . There seemed to be an avalanche of distressing events on a global scale . I sat in the quiet and asked my guides how this could happen . How could so many people be in such distress ? Why were children dying of starvation ? Why were so many countries at war ? I was questioning my faith in God or the Higher Powers . I felt so sad in my heart and was desperate for answers . I wanted someone to shout that it was all a mistake , that everything would be put right . Whenever I find myself questioning the unfairness of situations that the innocent find themselves in , the terrible traumatic events that so many have to go through , the heartbreak and tragic losses people experience , I read this and try to understand . It is not easy . It takes a lot for me to look at the bigger picture and try to accept that our souls have to move forward through these dreadful lessons of life . I hope that one day we will find an easier way . WordPress . com Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . • Hand in Hand with Spirit Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Post to Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Some think Tatooine is the planet farthest from the bright center of the universe , they were wrong . There 's a planet that as far as imperial record keepers are concerned doesn 't even have a name . It makes Tatooine look like Imperial Center . This planet 's inhabitants refer to it as Home . It 's not a bad world , nice weather , good soil ; it is just in the middle of nowhere . Some of the inhabitants in the far corners of Home are still wondering why the Jedi are being so late about visiting to test for new candidates . The Jedi never found them on Home very often , but the people of Home always pointed out that they had never produced a Sith . How many worlds can say that ? Marville was a normal town on Home ; there were a hundred or a thousand others like it . Farmers came in to trade and get supplies . There were rare social events , and even rarer strangers . Marville hadn 't seen an offworlder since the last time the annual space hauler visited to pick up last year 's exports , their main source of income . Seris had lived in Marville all his life and was just like all the other boys . They dreamed of space adventures , but never thought to participate in one . Seris ' life was extremely normal until a ship crash - landed deep in the forests behind his family 's farm . Boba Fett coughed as acid smoke filled the cockpit of the Slave 1 . Running into the middle of the pirate fleet had been terrible . Not even with the Slave 1 and his piloting skills had he been able to escape unscathed . At least he wasn 't dead ; things could be a lot worse . He didn 't remember much after escaping from the battle , he had destroyed a lot of their ships , but the few survivors could have handled the damaged Slave 1 if he had waited for them to try . The ship had limped to the nearest habitable planet , 354234 on the imperial charts , He had managed something approaching a landing , but he had blacked out when the Slave 1 hit the ground . Boba Fett groaned and tried to sit up . He hurt all over from being banged around during the decent . The world spun for a minute and he had to wait for his head to clear . He knew he should get out of the cockpit , or at least out of the smoke . He tried to stand up , but his knees buckled and he collapsed back into the pilot 's seat coughing . He must have been more badly injured in the crash than he had thought . The world dimmed around him even as he fought to remain conscious , Fett once more slumped over the control panel of the ship . Seris stomped through the forest . His father sometimes made him so angry ! Couldn 't they ever that imagine anything might not be his fault ? They blamed him for everything ! At least he had the woods to escape to . His father and older siblings saw no practical purpose in them and his mother was way to busy to pay attention to a thing like that . Someday he 'd prove it to them that he could do it . Someday he would make things fair , for everyone . Seris looked up from the moist ground he had been glaring at . He smelled smoke . Seris frowned . He had better find the source . Last year there had been a forest fire . It still gave him nightmares sometimes . Seris started towards the direction the smoke was coming from . It was still spring and it was moist and damp , but he hurried anyway . He could see a wisp of dark smoke hanging above a clearing just ahead . The trees nearby looked as if something had crashed through them . Seris coughed as it burned his throat . There was a ship at the end of a deep gouge in the grass ! It must have crash - landed . For a moment Seris could just stand there with his mouth hanging open . Things like this just didn 't happen on Home . Then he realized that there might have been people on the ship , at least a pilot anyway , and they could have been hurt . It was a crashed ship after all . Seris walked up to it cautiously up to the ship searching for the access hatch . Suddenly a hatch slid open on the ship 's side and a man staggered out . He was wearing strange blue green battle armor that was scarred and battered . It was covered in smoke and blood . The figure started coughing and couldn 't seem to stop . He leaned against the side of the ship , nearly collapsing . Seris ran up to him . " Are you all right ? What happened ? " The man wavered for a moment watching him . Seris felt chilled to the core of his being . Then the man 's eyes broke away as he collapsed on the ground . " Who are you ? " Seris asked dropping to his knees by the man 's side . The man 's head moved slightly , " I am Boba Fett . " Then he went limp , sprawled on the ground with Seris kneeling next to him gaping . After a moment Seris pulled his thoughts together . They were going to need medical supplies , a lot of medical supplies if what the man , Boba Fett , was in as bad of shape as he looked . He would have to get Fett back to the town . He didn 't know if he would be able to help him on his own . " I 'm going to get you back to my town somehow . You 're a mess ! " Seris was right . Fett 's right arm hung at a strange angle , blood was trickling from a deep gash beneath his shoulder protector . His chest was covered in burns . Another deep gash ran completely along the side of his leg . Seris thought about how he was going to get Fett back to town . " Why not ? Like I said , you 're a mess ! You 're on Home ; we don 't even have bacta here ! No one is going to be able to take care of you in the woods ! " " Ohhhhh , I don 't think they 'll be able to find you on Home , but ok . " Seris still hadn 't forgotten the look the Fett had given him ; the man was dangerous , it was probably best just to agree with him . " I 've got to get medical supplies , I 'll be back . " " In ship supply locker . " Seris turned back to the ship . The smoke had lessened now . Seris climbed up the ramp , still in awe of the fact that he was actually touching a starship . It didn 't take him long to find the supply locker and the med - kit . He took it back out to Fett . " Do you have any other injuries , besides the obvious ? " unfortunately he was unconscious again . Seris grumbled to himself as he bandaged the man up . When he finally finished he glanced around the clearing and began jogging back to the town . He didn 't like leaving him lying there , but he needed more supplies and this was the only way to do it . On the way Seris scrubbed the blood off his arms in a stream . " Thanks Mom ! " Seris pounded up the stairs , grabbing two coarse camping blankets and some food . He raced back down , calling out to his father his intentions and banging back out the door . The man was where Seris had left him . He began building a fire , by the time he had it going well Fett stirred slightly and groaned . Seris held up his head , " I have water , but you 'll need to take off you 're helmet . " Fett lifted his good arm , and pushed his helmet up to his nose . " You might as well take it off , no one will know you here . I don 't think we would even recognize a Jedi here . " Fett shook his head . " I am a bounty hunter . " Seris eyes grew even larger , but Fett wouldn 't say anything else . Finally , when Seris looked up Fett his breathing was even . He was asleep . Seris covered him with one of the camping blankets , wrapping himself in the other . It was a long time before he fell asleep . The next morning he woke up just as it was beginning to grow light . The hunter didn 't move . Seris sat up , " Fett ? Are you alright ? " Fett didn 't stir . Seris cursed under his breath and crawled over . This was not something that he could take care of . " You and your secrecy . I 'm going to have to get you back to town . I should get my parents , but I don 't want to leave you alone . Sithspawn ! " Wait , Seris remembered his sister Mikka had given him the comlink she had built in order to test it ! He flipped it open , " Mikka ! Mikka ! " It took a moment but she responded . " Mikka , I found a crashed ship here in the woods ! " he kept talking over her squawk of surprise , " I found the pilot too , he wanted me to keep it secret so I couldn 't tell you last night , but he 's gotten worse . I need Mom 's help , he 's in really bad shape , and I think he might die . " Seris hated the fact that his voice shook at the last part . There was silence on Mikka 's end . Seris could imagine her shocked expression . " Hurry Mikka . I 'm really worried about him . " " I 'll get Mom , maybe Dad can bring us out in the landspeeder . " The comlink clicked off . Seris spent the next hour nervously varying between trying to wake up Fett and cursing him with every phrase he had ever heard in the local cantina . At the end of the hour he heard the coughing roar of their ancient land speeder . " You should have told me about him Seris ! No matter what he said ! Now look where all his secrecy has gotten him . " She stalked over to where Fett lay on the ground . " Terrible , terrible , terrible . " She twitched the blanket aside to look at his wounds , and hissed in sympathy . " I 've never seen anything like this , but then I 've never seen a crashed starship either . Give me the other blanket and have your father help me lift him into the speeder . " Together they lifted the unconscious bounty hunter into the speeder . Seris ' mother tucked the blankets around Fett and everyone climbed back in . All the way back she kept a worried eye on him . Seris ' father carried Fett inside while the farm hands surrounded them slack jawed . Later there would be avid debates about exactly what was under that helmet . They put Fett in a guest bed . Seris ' mother wrapped clean bandages around him . " Seris , I 'll take care of your friend , go help your father with the chores . You 'll probably have to help explain all this to the hired help too , " she said with a wiry smile . " Will he be alright ? " Seris asked , afraid that he would have caused the hunter 's death . Seris had never really seen anyone die . When he was very small they had buried Old man Fith , but all he had seen was the fire , and Fith had never even left his house as long as Seris could remember . Fett never did remember much of what happened during that time . He was delirious part of it and darkness often closed in on his thoughts . He remembered a woman leaning over him occasionally who seemed to know something about medical care , and had a vague idea of the passage of time . The boy , Seris , was often sitting in the corner watching Fett . He didn 't present a threat though . If they were going to do anything to him it would have already been done , but even so Fett hated being so helpless . Fett also knew that he was in their debt , the boy and the woman , he would have to repay them . This was another thing he hated . Whenever he was conscious enough to think straight he cursed the pirates . He knew he was fortunate though . If he had to be helpless , Home was a good place to be . The people were so unaware and naive ; it amazed Fett at times ; he never would have thought a place like this existed in the galaxy . There was nothing to fear from them . Seris watched Fett sleeping . It had been several days , almost a week actually . The farmhands had almost accepted their mysterious guest . They still liked to try and find excuses to get a look at the man or his strange armor . They had all sorts of rumors among them about who he was . They didn 't of course believe for a moment the story Seris had told them about the spacer who was hauling cargo and skidded his ship on the atmosphere crashing in the forest . They thought they knew better , he must be a fleeing leader , a warrior , or something else dangerous and important . It was a perfectly reasonable assumption . Even asleep Fett seemed dangerous , even deadly . The hunter certainly didn 't fit in with the somewhat rustic air of the farmhouse , and he didn 't look anything like a spacer . His mother had assured him that the hunter would recover . His fever had broken after less than a day . They hadn 't even needed Dr . Josik , though the townspeople had suggested it , probably hoping Dr . Josik could bring them information about his patient . Fett 's wounds had started to heal , though he had a broken arm , and it would be a while before he could walk easily with his leg . Seris wondered what would happen when Fett recovered enough to leave . He hadn 't told anyone about Fett 's profession yet . It would probably send the whole town if not the whole planet into a panic . Sometimes he imagined that he had left with Fett , maybe finding somewhere in the galaxy were things were fair , and a lot less boring . Seris leaned back in the chair watching the dust drift down from the ceiling through the light . When he looked back at the hunter he saw that Fett was awake . " How are you feeling ? Better ? " Fett nodded watching Seris . " I haven 't let anyone know anything about you , especially not your job . You know how people would react to that ! " " The farmhands think all sorts of silly things about you . They can 't decide whether you 're a general or a prince . " Seris thought he almost saw Fett 's expression change for a moment . Seris couldn 't see beneath the helmet , but sometimes by the way the Fett moved it was almost like seeing his face . " Well , you had a fever . I couldn 't wake you up . I told my mother . She came and got you in the landspeeder . She 's been taking care of you . " He could see Fett considering this . Seris decided after some time that Fett must really be asleep , or at least wasn 't interested in conversation . He cautiously got up from the stool and walked quietly out of the room . When he glanced back over his shoulder , Fett hadn 't moved . This would surprise his mother ; she hadn 't expected Fett to regain consciousness for days yet . Seris opened up the HoloNet account on the family computer . He seldom used it , but he really needed it now . It was one of the few on the planet Home . Most people considered them to be some sort of new fangled invention that they wanted no part of , but Seris ' sister Mikka had always been interested in technology and had saved for months to purchase one from the spacer that visited annually . Seris wanted to know more about Fett . He couldn 't be just any bounty hunter , and Seris needed to know . What if he was dangerous ? Seris didn 't think Fett was to them , he did owe them , but he certainly made Seris feel as if he could do anything he wanted , even when he was just lying there . It took several minutes for him to access the postings . He had something to ask for a change , after all someone out there had to know who Boba Fett was . He posted , Who is Boba Fett ? It took only minutes to get responses , they were mostly things like , " Where are you from ? ! Everyone knows who he is ! " or " Do you have a death wish ? Shut down this posting before he sees it ! " He managed to find one that was more helpful . " Fett is the most famous and infamous bounty hunter in the galaxy . He 's the best there is . He always succeeds . I wouldn 't go anywhere near him if I were you . He 's dangerous . " Another was more specific , " Fett came to my world once . I saw him in the streets . Some people tried to run , anyone with something on their conscience thought he was coming for them . I even saw one boy fall to his knees in the street confessing everything he could think of . Fett just kept walking through . I 've heard he always gets his merchandise . " Seris read a few more before shutting down his posting . He was shocked , something that seemed to becoming a common feeling around Fett . This would require thinking about . Next time Fett woke someone was standing over him . He tensed and sat up . Then he saw who it was , Seris ' mother . She smiled as he winced . " You should be more careful . I wouldn 't want you wrecking all the hard work I put into you . " Fett leaned back and folded his arms over his chest . " That 's better . Let me see your arm . " She sat down on the chair next to his bed . She reached over and took his arm in the stiff material it was wrapped in . " It looks better than I thought it would . You 'll have to leave it in a sling . We don 't have any bacta on Home . " She smiled ruefully . " I 've been talking with Seris . He tells me you think you us some sort of honor debt . " Fett nodded . " It is your choice . " She stared at him . Fett knew she was thinking as she checked the bandages on his leg as well . " Your very lucky to survive that crash , or very skilled . What did you do to anger those pirates so much ? We 've heard about them , even here . " Fett didn 't answer and she shrugged , " You can keep it to yourself , but no one on home will want to know anymore than you want to tell , except to fuel their gossip . " She laughed . " Yes , I expect that Dr . Josik will be here sometime today . He claims that an injured stranger ought to have the best medical care , namely his . Actually he just wants to brag to everyone about all the information about you he will get . You might want to have a story ready . Dr . Josik won 't accept silence . ' She smiled again , and reached behind her to hand him supper . Fett ate silently . He hoped he would be able to leave soon . Fett glanced towards the door , no one was in sight . He moved to the side of the bed and stood , leaning heavily on a small table . It wasn 't easy but he staggered over to the chair near the wall . His armor and weapons lay in a pile next to it . He was forced to wait a moment until his breathing slowed before he could pick them up and begin working . Fett was still there when the doctor arrived . Fett first heard him when he entered the house . He started up , but instantly regretted it , and sat back down . He would just wait for the man here . Dr . Josik bustled in followed by Seris ' mother who looked somewhat exasperated . " What is going on here ? This man is in no condition to be out of bed ! ' Dr . Josik wasn 't a small man , but his voice was shrill , and his white hair stood almost on end as he berated everyone within his reach . " Karim , you could very well be the death of him allowing behavior such as this ! ' Fett looked up , incredulous that he would have to submit to something like this . He glanced at Karim , Seris ' mother but she shrugged . " What do you have to say for yourself , behaving this way ? ' Fett came to the conclusion that if he didn 't participate , the inhabitants of Home would never leave him alone . " I 'm acting on my own , and her skills are adequate . I do not need any help from you . ' Dr . Josik sputtered for a moment as if trying to find his footing with Fett . Finally he decided . " Well , I will have to prove that to myself ! ' He moved over to where Fett was sitting standing as if he was in charge . Fett resigned himself to being poked and prodded for some time . He knew he could easily have scared the man into leaving with a look , but here that would not hold him off for long . What seemed like hours later when Fett was thoroughly exhausted and didn 't think he could stand anymore Karim intervened . " All right Josik , I think the man has had enough of your â care , ' we should get him back to bed don 't you think ? ' e harrumphed and then nodded . oba Fett relaxed for the first time in hours and staggered to his feet . arim supported him and he limped over to the bed hoping that if he seemed to fall asleep the irritating man would leave . e leaned back and closed his eyes . " Wait Karim , I still have questions for him ! Don 't let him fall asleep yet ! ' Karim gripped him firmly by the elbow and steered him from the room . Fett could still hear them even in the next room . " The man is just a spacer with a downed ship , pirates attacked him near Home and he was forced to make a crash landing . He needs to sleep now . Your questioning won 't help anyone . ' Josik tried to argue , but Karim was firm . His protests were just fading as Fett drifted to sleep . When Seris looked in on Fett the next morning he was already in the chair working on repairing his more delicate equipment . He looked up when Seris came in , but then continued working . Seris watched him for a moment . Fett was very good at it . It didn 't take him long to repair the damaged circuitry . " Fett ? " he didn 't get a response so he tried again . " I posted a question on the HoloNet this week . " Fett still didn 't look up . " I asked who you were . " This time the bounty hunter stopped what he was doing and looked at Seris . " They said you were the best bounty hunter who has ever lived . " Fett nodded and went back to work . " It 's true , isn 't it ? " " Yes . " Seris still wasn 't sure what to make of everything . At least the hunter seemed to be recovering quickly . Then Seris ' life would go back to normal . The only problem was that he wasn 't sure he wanted that . Fett was almost ready to leave Home . He wore almost all of his armor now . The only things he didn 't wear were the heavier weapons . He had spent most of his time working on the Slave 1 . It was almost completely repaired . Everything else required parts that he didn 't have on hand and would fix when he returned to the rest of the galaxy . He still had his arm in a sling though , which made targeting difficult . He spent time working with his weapons . He wanted to be sure he would be completely back to his normal level . One time Seris came to watch . " Hold it up like this , aim carefully . Try to hit that tree . " Fett still owed Seris , and he would be polite . He saw Seris eye the tiny black hole already burned there . Seris took a deep breath and lifted the blaster squinting at the tree . His first shot went wild , completely missing the tree . Fett moved the blaster slightly , and pushed his hands closer up . Seris tried again , this time nearly hitting it . Fett had to admit , the boy was good . With training he could very well provide competition even for Fett himself . Fett pushed it from his mind , and picked up his other blaster to continue what he was working on . He was just about return to the town when the first ship streaked overhead . He broke into a run . Seris took off after him . It was only a moment for him before he reached the house . He strapped on his weapons . Seris tried to give him back his blaster , but Fett shook his head . " Hold on to it , you may need it . " He headed back for the door . By now more ships filled the sky . A few were taking runs of the town . Fett leapt behind a building as lasers struck the street around him . He saw other people diving for their homes . He launched a rocket from the equipment on his back . The ship spiraled down crashing into the trees spewing smoke . The pirates already on the ground were reaching the edges of the town . Fett removed his arm from the sling . There wasn 't time to worry about that today . He leveled his blaster and opened fired on the approaching line . The first few fell , but the others kept coming . Fett dove behind a low wall to avoid the return fire . He shot back over the wall . There were still too many of them for him to take alone . He fired off another rocket . The explosion rocked the town . A few bricks fell down off the wall . They were close now . Fett leaped over the wall firing . A few shots almost razed his helmet , but he dodged out of the way . He activated the flamethrower , burning everything nearby . A mercenary 's shot nicked his leg causing him to stumble . Fett rolled to one side wincing , at least it wasn 't deep . He glanced around . They were still firing . This would be difficult . Even Fett was surprised when a new wave of blaster fire came one of the buildings nearby . The mercenaries began yelling as several of them went down . Fett sat up , and began firing over the pile of rubble . Fett eyed the mercenaries , if only he could pick out the pirates leader , without the fear of his retribution they would probably turn and flee after Fett convinced them with his blaster . There , that was him . Fett could see the man 's bright red uniform as he stood on ground which he believed to be out of range . Fett aimed carefully , it would be easy to use a blaster , but a rocket would take out his lieutenants and provide a bigger effect for his followers to see . Not even the money he had paid them would keep them here after their leader was blown up in a seemingly safe location . The group on the hill looked up as they heard something falling towards them , they didn 't even have time to move before the rocket hit . Soon all return fire had stopped . Fett scrambled up and glanced over to see who had been helping him with cover fire . Seris stepped out from behind a post . They looked at each other and Fett nodded . He could see the other mercenaries fleeing in the distance . Enough of them were dead that they figured it wasn 't worth the money they were being paid to continue . Some of them must have had communicators because the ships overhead were veering off as well . Fett wondered what story they had told the others to explain their defeat . Whatever it was , it could only help his reputation . " Are you alright ? I saw you fall . " Seris ' eyes were big , and he looked worried . Fett almost laughed at the expression on the boy 's face , a few minutes after he had been trading shots with professional mercenaries . Now all he was worried about was a scratch . " I 'm fine . Those were good shots . " Seris looked down and smiled . He looked pleased . " We need make sure your family is safe . I still owe your mother , and I will repay my debts . " Fett turned and started off down the street , not even limping . Seris followed him . The rest of the town 's people peeked out of the windows , their expressions registering varying levels of disbelief . Fett wasn 't sure if this was at him or at Seris ' actions . The mercenaries ' bodies were draped everywhere on the street . Fett scanned the area , but there didn 't seem to be any left alive . He was glad it was over fairly quickly , not that he thought mercenaries and pirates would have been too much of a problem . Not any harder than an Imperial garrison anyway . Everything was all right at Seris ' home . The family was in the kitchen . Seris ' father had an ancient blaster rifle , and his brothers and sisters were around the table , looking slightly frightened . Upon a closer look at the weapon Fett was fairly certain it was a collector 's item or antique in the rest of the galaxy . They all looked up when Fett arrived with Seris . Karim didn 't let them say anything . First she checked over her son , and then she went for Fett . He had sat down in one of the chairs ; now that it was time for him to leave they would have to decide how they wanted him to repay his debt . Karim insisted on bandaging the blaster burn , but Fett interrupted her , " Karim , I still owe you a debt . It must be repaid . " She looked him straight in the eye , not something easily accomplished , and answered , " Fett , you have repaid me by getting all of these mercenaries and pirates off of Home . That is all the payment I need . " Fett nodded . " And you Seris ? " Seris sat quietly for a moment . " I would like to leave Home . I think I have a new career I would like to try . " He looked up at Fett again . Fett considered . He did owe the boy , and it would be nice to have someone to take over when he retired . No one could be a hunter forever , not even the best , and Fett didn 't intend to let anyone end his career by killing him . The boy showed promise , not that Fett would take care of him though . Once the debt was repaid , the boy would be on his own , although Fett had grown used to him now . He hoped the boy would succeed . After careful deliberation Fett nodded . He stood and walked from the room , leaving Seris to deal with his clamoring family . Only Karim was quiet . The way she looked , Fett wondered if she had known this would happen all along . Fett scanned carefully through the readout on the screen of the Slave 1 . It appeared that a young man named Sarev had taken another of the high priced bounties . Many sentients were waiting for Fett to do something about this upstart , but let them wait . Fett had watched Sarev 's career from it 's beginning , which now seemed like a long time ago . Fett leaned back in his pilot 's seat thinking of a young boy on a planet called Home . He also remembered his thoughts about retirement , he had a replacement now , maybe it was finally time , time to give justice a new champion . Fett turned the idea over in his mind as the stars streaked by in hyperspace . |
Since Baby Doll 's birthday is in October , she ended up with one more year of preschool . I 'm not a bit sad about that since she is my youngest . I like having a fun little partner to do everything with . ( Except the selfies , I could do without all her selfies . . . ) She is constantly using up all the memory on my phone by taking the same picture over and over and over . Or the embarrassing video . I deleted this one , but the other day I wasn 't feeling very well , so after the kids got off to school , I climbed back in bed . She decided to take a video of my sleeping . Good thing my head was totally covered up ! We do all sorts of things together , shopping , chores , errands , appointments . Yesterday she went with me to the dentist and we got to hang out while Sport got his sealants . She loves the pediatric dentist 's office as long as she doesn 't have to get in " the chair . " Sport didn 't take very long and when he was finished , I overheard the receptionist tell him he could have 2 prizes . He came out a few minutes later and showed me two little balls he had chosen . In the meantime , Baby Doll put away the trains and we gathered up . I was surprised when he headed back to the prize box with Baby Doll in tow . " You can have one of my prizes , " he suggested as he slipped on of the little balls back into the box unnoticed . She reached for the sparkly little crown , but its brilliance was nothing to the smile on her face as she gave him a hug and a big thank you . This cute girl turned 15 today . We had a big party for her last night with all the family here . We put together turkey dinner and my sweetie made lots of delicious rolls . I 'll probably gain a couple more pounds this week . . . We boiled down the leftover turkey for soup tonight with homemade noodles . All the the kids are fans of this meal . My favorite part about it is not only is it delicious , it 's super cheap ! All it takes is a couple of dozen eggs , flour , 1 / 2 a pound of carrots , and the leftover turkey and broth . I was talking about my cute Crafty . I can 't believe how grown up she is getting ! She is now dancing with all the top companies at her studio and she is an Arabian in Nutcracker which is not quite a solo , but almost . Dance is her life right now and she is never quite as happy as when she is spinning and stretching and doing pointe . She is sweet and kind to her siblings and generally helpful around the house . She is a straight A student , a senior girl scout , and a member of the library board and the Youth City Council . I 'm so proud of her ! All right , I will admit that I 've been so excited for holidays to come back this year . But some of the times , I just want to enjoy the holidays already , even if they aren 't at the right time . For instance , all these years since we started this blog , I was always in charge of putting up the holiday displays every year when the holidays come . It 's close to the end of September and I just barely started school at UVU and now I 'm employed to work at a warehouse to store things in boxes in order to earn enough money to buy gas for my car or even buy some gifts for Christmas and birthdays . But spending money so much just always makes my parents so worried about me losing all that money . They would usually tell me not to go crazy of buying so many things in the stores that could cost a fortune . For example , before I was ever hired to work at Integra Core , in the doTerra company , I hear some teasing remarks from my sister , Bossy who tells me about the blow - up spider that moves its head . She did give it to me for my birthday when I was in high school . While taking her teasing remarks so literally , I decided that I 've had enough of her being so jealous , I just wanted to buy one of the blow - up spiders to give her . I buy one and I sneak - or - treat to her house . When I got home , Mom received a call from Bossy telling her that what I gave her was the spider that cost $ 79 ! Mom asked for the receipt and I grudgingly give it to her . It just made me so upset with Mom and Bossy that I was just trying to be givable to others and to know how much I 'm trying not to show hatred and greed to people . At first I thought that Bossy was being so ungrateful about it and I just didn 't want to admit that what I just gave her would be so expensive . I 'm sorry that took a little long to talk about my sister Bossy and the expensive birthday gift incident , but I just wanted to point out about how she and I are trying to compare our home displays to each of our neighbors in the neighborhoods we live in . Anyway , I 'm now going to tell you about the early Halloween display that I set up this year . The other day , my Dad told me that I could start putting up the display only on the first day of October . A week ago , he went on a business trip to Boston for his job . Now , I thought we were finished with the last bits of corn on the cob from our garden . I made sure that I harvested all the good corn we had and we had a little bit of good corn still left , while being stung by a bee in the process . Then after I made sure all the corn was harvested , I then chopped all the stalks down and left a big pile of it in the garden . I started to put some pole posts up and Mom told me not to take the poles off the tomatoes since they 're still being produced on the fences . She told me to either wait for a while or go to IFA to buy some more pole posts . I decided to go with the second option . I bought the pole posts and I post drilled them onto the front lawn . I started carrying the stalks around and I tied them around almost all the posts , we had less corn stalks then I thought we would have ( maybe next spring , I 'll plant even more corn ) . So , I felt like there wouldn 't be any way on how I can finish this up with not any more . Princess 's boyfriend , Daylen mentioned to me that he had more stalks in case I needed some . It took a few days for him to bring them over in Drama Queen 's truck . I put the last bits of stalks onto the poles and then started to put up the lights . I got all the lights up in one night . I even had to buy new sets because some of the old ones weren 't working all the way . The corn maze that I put up this year was going to be a bit different from the ones from the previous years . I even bought three bags of spider webs to stretch all around the maze . I kind of challengeI had almost the entire display set up , except for getting the spider webs stretched and hooked onto the display . I 'm not usually good of making things perfect , especially when trying to make nice and spooky looking webs all around . And I still sometimes don 't have the patience to take the time to get them all the way stretched onto the corn to make it dirty . I guess , making a mess is as hard as cleaning a mess . LOL ! Anyway , when I got all the display done , everyone , especially Dad was very impressed of it and they still reminded me that it 's still a little early to set up a Halloween display , but I still challenged myself to get it all done before Dad got home from Boston and so that I won 't stress over doing it while I 'm either working at Integra Core or I 'm at school trying to get homework done before the last minute . Children around our neighborhood start to admire it and are still hoping to come trick - or - treating at our house on the 31st . Sadly , most trick - or - treaters from last year didn 't go through the maze , they just went through the driveway and the sidewalk . Maybe this year , I 'll convince mom that we should move the vehicles closer to the sidewalk between the driveway , so the kids can go through the maze . I hope you enjoyed this so much and I know you 're going to remind me that it 's a little too early to get it ready for Halloween yet . I just wanted to show you how much I enjoy trying to impress the neighbors , especially ones from our Family Ward . Happy Early Halloween , Blog - Followers ! : ) Today was one of those days . You know , when everything starts out badly . I blamed Prima Donna , but it probably wasn 't really her fault . She did keep me up until about 2 : 30 AM reading a play that likely would have put her to sleep if she hadn 't been reading it aloud . I had already had a long day that culminated in 4 hours at the church , 3 playing volleyball and the other in clean up / set up . Since my sweetie was out of town , it meant early mornings too and you know how I feel about those . I don 't know what I did , but somehow , the alarms never went off this morning . I woke up at 8 : 24 . My little ones were due at the elementary school at 8 : 25 . Curly immediately went into meltdown to the point where he had to use his inhaler . Scout was more stoic ; she is used to being late . Thank goodness it was Friday . That meant Crafty and Sport had an hour , but Prima Donna was still snoozing and she was also supposed to be in her seminary class at 8 : 25 . Princess and Drama Queen were long gone for school . I quickly called the Dog Walker who had to catch his train at 9 : 00 as I pulled on my clothes . He had 15 minutes to the train station . I handed Curly and Scout each a protein bar as we headed out the door . We pulled up in front of the elementary school at 8 : 37 . Curly was still upset and hustled to the front doors , although my heart swelled with gratitude when he pulled open the doors and then waited for another boy and his dad to pass through before he hurried inside . Scout gave me a kiss and climbed out of the van . Unfortunately , this is not an uncommon occurrence for her . When I got back to the house , the Dog Walker had returned from the train station . He missed his train because he couldn 't find his pass . He was stirring through couch cushions and dirty laundry , anywhere he could think of . Finally I convinced him he would have to drive to school and park in the free lot and he 'd better get going or he would miss class . Crafty was helping Baby Doll get ready for preschool and by 10 : 00 I had dropped Crafty and Sport at the middle school , Baby Doll at preschool , and I was trying to decide if I should go to Curves . My good sense won out and I headed for home and crawled back in bed . An hour later , my cell phone rang . It was my sweetie asking me something about cornstalks . In my confusion , I 'm not sure what I said , but 30 seconds later he came through the front door , 12 hours early ! I was so happy to see him ! They had finished up and caught an earlier flight . Now maybe my life ( or at least my mornings ) can get back to normal . It was so fun to watch the football scrimmage yesterday for Curly 's team ! They played Burrito 's team ( coached by Gamer ) . If you remember , we missed football tryouts and the Scout league is brand new so my cute son was an unknown . He was placed on the Platinum team which is the lowest in the pecking order , but since it is his first year , we are totally fine with that . His coach was pleasantly surprised by his size and although he is the youngest on his team , he is one of only 3 X men ( which means he must play the line ) . He gets to play pretty much all the time , every game ! He plays on the offensive line and on the defensive line , and yesterday he was lined up against Burrito . It was fun to watch them push each other around on the field instead of in the family room . Had we known Gamer would be a coach , we might have been able to put them on the same team , but it 's probably best this way . I think if they were playing together they would just distract each other . The only sad part is that normally they play on different fields at exactly the same time so we can 't watch both of them play . The kids have been harassing me for quite some time to update our " meet the fam " button and I have resisted . Partly because the day after the update , everything changes again . But they are right , Baby Doll was only a few months old when I originally wrote those paragraphs and now she is ( almost ) 5 . If you have a minute , check it out and let me know what you think . Should I pull out all the ages to keep it less confusing ? Or does that help with the confusion . Or is this whole conversation confusing ? We had a fun time together yesterday making Zebra popcorn . It 's called Zebra popcorn because it has dark stripes on it and its really awesome . Drama Queen figured out how to make it while she lived in Nephi and so we decided to make it together . First , we had to get the supplies : like an air - pop popcorn maker and a big bowl to catch the popcorn . Then we put kernels in the popcorn maker , and it popped the popcorn . Sometimes it was so silly and tried to jump out of the bowl . Next , we made sure that there were no kernels in the popped popcorn and spread in out on cookie sheets . And then we got a pan out to make the caramel . First in the pan was 1 1 / 2 sticks of butter , plus 1 / 2 cup of sugar and we melted that down . Then we added 14 oz . of sweetened condensed milk ( Drama Queen likes that so much she tried to lick the extra off the lid ! ) and three tablespoons of corn syrup . We had to stir it a lot - like for ten minutes ! But then it was ready and we poured it on the popcorn . It was really , really hot , so only Drama Queen could stir the popcorn around and get it all carmaley , but I got to eat all the pieces that fell off the pan onto the table ! We needed to let it cool down but then we could add the chocolate ! We just used some chocolate almond bark from the food - store and melted in the microwave . It was so easy . Then , Drama Queen flipped the melted chocolate all over the popcorn so that it looked pretty . We wanted to serve it for family home evening treat , so we had to hide it in the oven so the kids wouldn 't eat it all when they got home from school . ( Prima Donna can eat sooooooo much popcorn when she is hungry . It 's like her favorite food . ) . . . We may have let Mom snitch a little though . . At family home evening , everybody loved it ! We love learning about Jesus and we love eating popcorn too . It was so yummy but it kinda made me thirsty . What do you eat for family home evening treat ? I 'm so sorry I 've been a bit AWOL this week ! I told you my computer is having issues and Bossy has been running constant tests on it since then to try to bring it back to life . I don 't love working at my sweetie 's computer . He has a weird keyboard , I can 't find anything on his desk , but mostly , it just isn 't my desk , my computer , you get it . . . We did get a chance to watch the Homecoming Parade . Prima Donna was supposed to walk with the drama department and the Seven Brides for Seven Brothers float , but her foot could only make it a block or two before she stopped and stayed with us until we headed for home . Although she is doing well and not wearing her boot at all , it is still difficult for her to do tons of walking or worse than that is quick walking and running is out of the question . Saturday was football ( both boys won ! , as did the grandsons ) . Princess had a Nutcracker rehearsal and then she and Prima Donna went to the Girl Scout Annual Meeting . It was their last duty as delegates to our Oquirrh Community . Delegates only have two - year terms and they are both ending those two years . It 's nice having them a bit more involved . Fajita had a date to the Homecoming Dance and she had her date pick her up here . She looked so happy and beautiful ! ( Add a picture , Bossy ! ) We spent the rest of the evening making tomato sauce and beans . We got 12 quarts of tomato sauce after my sweetie made stuffed peppers out of a bunch of it . The beans are winding down now as the weather is getting cooler and we only had 4 quarts this time . Sunday was church . Scout had a talk to do and that was trauma getting it ready . For some reason she has forgotten that she can do things by herself . We also got my sweetie on an airplane and then we made homemade pizza for Princess 's birthday dinner . We completed our celebration with cake and ice cream and then it was homework and Reflections and a poster contest until bedtime . I 'm hoping for a slower week that allows us to get some things finished up before rehearsals for Nutcracker and the musical get too crazy . Did I tell you Prima Donna got the part of Mrs . Holloum ? She is super excited ! I know it 's been a couple of days since you 've been waiting for the latest story of our family . As a matter of fact , my mother wanted to tell all of you about one of the best moments that can be part of spending quality time with a family member , like your mom : Reading Harry Potter books . When I was young , my Mom was worried about how I was struggling with my reading abilities for school . Some of the times , I never felt like reading anything , because I 've heard that reading is hard and long at the same time . That 's how I wasn 't fond of reading , until now . I 've watched Harry Potter movies , but never read the books , until Mom asked me when I was ten to start reading them . When I started reading , I was still having a hard time trying to get the words to pronounce right and make the right tone of the character or the author 's perspective . Whenever I encountered a word that was in the profanity list , I would always translate it to a word that 's more appropriate to say . My parents have been teaching me about profanity , and some of the times in my childhood , I always quoted from movies , and I didn 't know what actors would say was either offensive or inappropriate . So for the rest of a lifetime , whenever I encounter those profaning terms , I do the best I can to say them different instead of having to swear while reading . For all of my childhood when reading Harry Potter to my mom , she said it was helping me know how to read hard words and I 've been reading so much in my life . That might be impressive to all of you for an autistic person , but think about it when I earned all the merit badges . In order to earn them all , I had to do some reading too . Anyway , reading all of Harry Potter was a challenge . Unfortunately , I wasn 't able to finish the seventh book to my mom , because it felt very long for me to read and I couldn 't decide if I should keep on reading or if I can stop for a while . Ever since then , I assumed that Harry Potter is all read and I don 't feel like reading them anymore . But today , since I 'm taking Children 's Literature class at college , I 'm asked to read one Harry Potter book . So I decided to read it to my mom , because she loves to hear me read and she always me with the other big words that are hard to pronounce . For a few days , I 've been reading three chapters in one day from the first book to my mom , because she 's so intrigued to hear what happens next . It sometimes gives me a headache whenever I read those long chapters and all the ten point font words , but I didn 't want to disappoint my mom , so I keep reading until the times right to stop for a while and then get back to reading . I hope you enjoyed this and hopefully I 'll be able to pass the Children 's Literature class by December . I think my computer is finally dying a slow and agonizing death . I 'm sad to see it go because it is an XP machine ( I know , but I don 't like learning new technology ) , and it has served me well for a long time . It has been difficult to update since they stopped supporting XP and that is actually the problem . I fell for a fake Norton virus . Sometimes things are not always what they seem . I thought that when my son told me about this deal he got online at the Men 's Warehouse for a suit . He asked me to hem the pants and then proudly told me he got the entire thing for $ 29 . Of course I was stunned . You can 't even buy that much fabric to make a suit for $ 29 . He laughed and told me it was clearance and then they took an extra 40 % off . So I immediately scolded him for not telling me about it at the time . Then over Labor Day weekend I got a text , " The suit sale is back on ! " I put my sweetie on it and promptly forgot about it , figuring he probably didn 't have the time to figure out his size , let alone peruse the online site . Then this week they arrived , 3 high quality suits , one for my sweetie , one for Sport , and one for Curly . Yeah , he had to order 3 so he could get the free shipping , and for all 3 the total was just over $ 100 . Chick - Fil - A is so cool ! Here in South Jordan they have a kids ' club that meets once a month . The club is free and they focus on a different thing each month . My kids did it some last year , but Bossy took them every time , so this was my first time . And my second time . And my third time . It was a crazy evening . I took Baby Doll and Curly to tap as soon as the kids got home from school . When I picked them up , I had to take Curly straight to football practice . Then Baby Doll changed her clothes and we loaded Sport and Scout in the van so we could drop Scout at her tap class . Then I took Baby Doll and Sport to CFA for the kids ' club . They had so much fun touring the fire engine and making badges and hats . They were each given a cookie and Sport also got a little stuffed cow and a free shake for his birthday . We had to hurry . I dropped Sport and Baby Doll at the house and then ran to pick up Scout . Round 2 . I took her to CFA and did the same thing all over again . Then it was back to the house to throw dinner together . At 7 : 00 , I sent Dog Walker after Crafty at the dance studio and I picked up Curly from practice . Sport got his own ride to Young Men 's . Then Curly and I came back to the house , picked up Crafty , dropped her at the church , and I drove to CFA for a third time today . Curly knew everything ended at 7 : 00 , but they had given us his little cow and shake coupon for his birthday and he was anxious to cash it in . He didn 't want to miss out on all the fun . Sadly , when we arrived at 7 : 15 , everything was cleaned up so we ordered his free shake and stood by the counter to wait . Then I saw the girl who was running the cookie station and I asked her if they had anything left over for my boy . She told us " No , " but she must have seen the disappointment on my little guy 's face , because she disappeared and returned a minute later with a cookie for him anyway . I just looked at my phone and I didn 't take a single picture for you today . I don 't know what I was thinking ! Princess helped my Activity Days girls make two kinds of muffins today , banana nut and zucchini and we talked about making the girls a cookbook and taking pictures for them . Then in the craziness of the moment , neither one of us remembered to take a single one . I watched Baby Doll dance this morning and thought she was so cute , but sadly , I left the camera in my pocket there too . She and I delivered fliers in the rain today and we splashed through the deep puddles with the van . I thought about taking a picture of the ducks at the retention pond where Curly usually practices with his football team . Unfortunately , they had to find a different place for practice because those ducks were swimming in at least 8 inches of water . My sweetie tells me there are flash floods and calamities everywhere , but sometimes I am so wrapped up in my own little world I have no idea what is going on around me . Do you tend to be hyper - focused ? Or do you follow The Dog Walker sent me a text early this morning . " It 's supposed to rain today and tomorrow . " I was sure hoping he was going to be wrong on this one because Princess and Crafty were supposed to dance tonight at the Taste of South Jordan event and it was outside . I watched the skies all day . I was excited to see Princess dance again . This opportunity came up before the new performing teams had time to put anything together , so they asked the girls from last year to come back and dance . They do the most beautiful number to David Archuleta 's Glorious and it was supposed to be the final number . At 3 : 45 when the girls left to set up , it was windy , but no rain yet . Then , the minute Baby Doll , Curly , Scout , and I got in the van to head for the park , we saw the first drops of rain . At 4 : 30 , it was still pretty sparse . Unfortunately , the sound system hadn 't arrived and the girls couldn 't dance without their music . So we waited . And the drops came down heavier and heavier . Finally the sound system arrived . Crafty 's group took the stage for their first number and one of the girls slipped a little on the wet stage . Still they danced on . Fortunately for us , we were under a canopy and so were they , but the rain was starting to come in sideways . Two more numbers and Princess 's group did their Western number . It was fun , but not Glorious . Sadly , by then the rain was unrelenting and the girls were sent home . They were all wet and disappointed . Things cleared up a little later , so hopefully the tasting event was a success . I made a huge german chocolate cake , but I felt like it was a little dry , so I was glad that Princess and Crafty jumped in and put together some different desserts . We also had 2 kinds of cookies and peanut butter bars . It was fun to visit with everyone . We had 2 cousins and their spouses here . I hadn 't seen them in years ! By about 8 : 00 , everyone was gone and it was time to clean up and get the kids ready for the new week . There are so many things coming up over the next few weeks . Prima Donna got the part of Mrs . Holloum in the musical at Bingham , Seven Brides for Seven Brothers . She is super excited about that ! It is the part she auditioned for . Other auditions going on were for Nutcracker and we should see those results on Wednesday . It is pretty nerve - wracking . Until we get everyone settled , we just don 't know how our lives might change . One thing for sure , there is always change . Sport has had an infection in his toe for over a month now . We have nearly finished the second round of antibiotics and the doctor suggested that it was time to have the ingrown nails removed in a " procedure . " Sport was nervous ! He hates needles , but he isn 't fond of having the toe pain all the time either . He took it like a trooper at first , but after a while it started to get to him . He is like me and he needs that extra bit of pain killer to get numb . By the time the doc was cauterizing the edges , we had all had enough . Fortunately , he has been able to play football and keep his commitments to his team although they did lose today . And he did go to school right from the doctor 's office , but other times he has had trouble from the pain . Hopefully by Monday he will be back to normal . I told you it was my 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday , but we had a very busy day . Even so , they didn 't stop us from finding some time to be together . We met for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory . The Dog Walker doesn 't have classes on Thursdays , so he watched Baby Doll . It was nice to have lunch with just the two of us . We had a generous gift card from our friend , Missy , and we only ended up pay about $ 7 . But honestly , I think $ 67 is way too much to pay for lunch ! We didn 't even get anything that exciting . I had the orange chicken and my sweetie had salmon . We shared an appetizer and a piece of cheesecake and he had a soda . That was it . We could have eaten out at our favorite Chinese place at least twice for that price , maybe 3 times and the food would have been just as good . I 'm not ungrateful . Really I 'm not . Just a bit surprised by the prices . Then after I finally got home last night around 10 , we went out for ice cream while Drama Queen put the kids to bed . We sat in the Sconecutter lobby until past 11 : 30 . I need to soak up all the time I can with my sweetie . It looks like he might be spending a lot of time traveling over the next 3 months . We have been so fortunate to have him here most of the time . He has watched our kids grow up and his jobs have allowed us to live comfortably , so I guess I shouldn 't complain about a little travel . Some people have to deal with it all the time . I feel like I 'm rambling today . I 'm so glad it 's Friday . I hope you have a long and happy weekend . Posted by Prima Donna is getting her Girl Scout Gold Award at the Recognition of Excellence ceremony next month . These aren 't at all like a Court of Honor for the boy scouts . First of all , they only do them once a year . Secondly , they have them at a hotel downtown . This one is at the City Creek Marriott . They also include lunch for her and two guests . As for me , life is insane . Dance started up again this week and we have Nutcracker auditions and volleyball , football , Activity Days , and scouts . I 'm trying to reform my troop and get a calendar ready for the rest of the year . We are having an 80th birthday for my dad on Sunday with all the family here , so we are trying to get the house ready and plan a meal for 40 people . And today is my 32nd Anniversary . My sweetie is working although he is going to try to get away so we can go to lunch . He has been putting in long hours this week so he can prepare to travel next week . I have to defend the grant at the Arts Council tonight and Sport has football pics so we can 't really go out this evening . Some people think that at 18 you don 't really know what you want to do with your life , but for me , it was the perfect age to get started on my lifelong journey with my best friend . Why walk the path alone ? We have had some amazing adventures . I 'd do it all over again . |
Since Baby Doll 's birthday is in October , she ended up with one more year of preschool . I 'm not a bit sad about that since she is my youngest . I like having a fun little partner to do everything with . ( Except the selfies , I could do without all her selfies . . . ) She is constantly using up all the memory on my phone by taking the same picture over and over and over . Or the embarrassing video . I deleted this one , but the other day I wasn 't feeling very well , so after the kids got off to school , I climbed back in bed . She decided to take a video of my sleeping . Good thing my head was totally covered up ! We do all sorts of things together , shopping , chores , errands , appointments . Yesterday she went with me to the dentist and we got to hang out while Sport got his sealants . She loves the pediatric dentist 's office as long as she doesn 't have to get in " the chair . " Sport didn 't take very long and when he was finished , I overheard the receptionist tell him he could have 2 prizes . He came out a few minutes later and showed me two little balls he had chosen . In the meantime , Baby Doll put away the trains and we gathered up . I was surprised when he headed back to the prize box with Baby Doll in tow . " You can have one of my prizes , " he suggested as he slipped on of the little balls back into the box unnoticed . She reached for the sparkly little crown , but its brilliance was nothing to the smile on her face as she gave him a hug and a big thank you . This cute girl turned 15 today . We had a big party for her last night with all the family here . We put together turkey dinner and my sweetie made lots of delicious rolls . I 'll probably gain a couple more pounds this week . . . We boiled down the leftover turkey for soup tonight with homemade noodles . All the the kids are fans of this meal . My favorite part about it is not only is it delicious , it 's super cheap ! All it takes is a couple of dozen eggs , flour , 1 / 2 a pound of carrots , and the leftover turkey and broth . I was talking about my cute Crafty . I can 't believe how grown up she is getting ! She is now dancing with all the top companies at her studio and she is an Arabian in Nutcracker which is not quite a solo , but almost . Dance is her life right now and she is never quite as happy as when she is spinning and stretching and doing pointe . She is sweet and kind to her siblings and generally helpful around the house . She is a straight A student , a senior girl scout , and a member of the library board and the Youth City Council . I 'm so proud of her ! All right , I will admit that I 've been so excited for holidays to come back this year . But some of the times , I just want to enjoy the holidays already , even if they aren 't at the right time . For instance , all these years since we started this blog , I was always in charge of putting up the holiday displays every year when the holidays come . It 's close to the end of September and I just barely started school at UVU and now I 'm employed to work at a warehouse to store things in boxes in order to earn enough money to buy gas for my car or even buy some gifts for Christmas and birthdays . But spending money so much just always makes my parents so worried about me losing all that money . They would usually tell me not to go crazy of buying so many things in the stores that could cost a fortune . For example , before I was ever hired to work at Integra Core , in the doTerra company , I hear some teasing remarks from my sister , Bossy who tells me about the blow - up spider that moves its head . She did give it to me for my birthday when I was in high school . While taking her teasing remarks so literally , I decided that I 've had enough of her being so jealous , I just wanted to buy one of the blow - up spiders to give her . I buy one and I sneak - or - treat to her house . When I got home , Mom received a call from Bossy telling her that what I gave her was the spider that cost $ 79 ! Mom asked for the receipt and I grudgingly give it to her . It just made me so upset with Mom and Bossy that I was just trying to be givable to others and to know how much I 'm trying not to show hatred and greed to people . At first I thought that Bossy was being so ungrateful about it and I just didn 't want to admit that what I just gave her would be so expensive . I 'm sorry that took a little long to talk about my sister Bossy and the expensive birthday gift incident , but I just wanted to point out about how she and I are trying to compare our home displays to each of our neighbors in the neighborhoods we live in . Anyway , I 'm now going to tell you about the early Halloween display that I set up this year . The other day , my Dad told me that I could start putting up the display only on the first day of October . A week ago , he went on a business trip to Boston for his job . Now , I thought we were finished with the last bits of corn on the cob from our garden . I made sure that I harvested all the good corn we had and we had a little bit of good corn still left , while being stung by a bee in the process . Then after I made sure all the corn was harvested , I then chopped all the stalks down and left a big pile of it in the garden . I started to put some pole posts up and Mom told me not to take the poles off the tomatoes since they 're still being produced on the fences . She told me to either wait for a while or go to IFA to buy some more pole posts . I decided to go with the second option . I bought the pole posts and I post drilled them onto the front lawn . I started carrying the stalks around and I tied them around almost all the posts , we had less corn stalks then I thought we would have ( maybe next spring , I 'll plant even more corn ) . So , I felt like there wouldn 't be any way on how I can finish this up with not any more . Princess 's boyfriend , Daylen mentioned to me that he had more stalks in case I needed some . It took a few days for him to bring them over in Drama Queen 's truck . I put the last bits of stalks onto the poles and then started to put up the lights . I got all the lights up in one night . I even had to buy new sets because some of the old ones weren 't working all the way . The corn maze that I put up this year was going to be a bit different from the ones from the previous years . I even bought three bags of spider webs to stretch all around the maze . I kind of challengeI had almost the entire display set up , except for getting the spider webs stretched and hooked onto the display . I 'm not usually good of making things perfect , especially when trying to make nice and spooky looking webs all around . And I still sometimes don 't have the patience to take the time to get them all the way stretched onto the corn to make it dirty . I guess , making a mess is as hard as cleaning a mess . LOL ! Anyway , when I got all the display done , everyone , especially Dad was very impressed of it and they still reminded me that it 's still a little early to set up a Halloween display , but I still challenged myself to get it all done before Dad got home from Boston and so that I won 't stress over doing it while I 'm either working at Integra Core or I 'm at school trying to get homework done before the last minute . Children around our neighborhood start to admire it and are still hoping to come trick - or - treating at our house on the 31st . Sadly , most trick - or - treaters from last year didn 't go through the maze , they just went through the driveway and the sidewalk . Maybe this year , I 'll convince mom that we should move the vehicles closer to the sidewalk between the driveway , so the kids can go through the maze . I hope you enjoyed this so much and I know you 're going to remind me that it 's a little too early to get it ready for Halloween yet . I just wanted to show you how much I enjoy trying to impress the neighbors , especially ones from our Family Ward . Happy Early Halloween , Blog - Followers ! : ) Today was one of those days . You know , when everything starts out badly . I blamed Prima Donna , but it probably wasn 't really her fault . She did keep me up until about 2 : 30 AM reading a play that likely would have put her to sleep if she hadn 't been reading it aloud . I had already had a long day that culminated in 4 hours at the church , 3 playing volleyball and the other in clean up / set up . Since my sweetie was out of town , it meant early mornings too and you know how I feel about those . I don 't know what I did , but somehow , the alarms never went off this morning . I woke up at 8 : 24 . My little ones were due at the elementary school at 8 : 25 . Curly immediately went into meltdown to the point where he had to use his inhaler . Scout was more stoic ; she is used to being late . Thank goodness it was Friday . That meant Crafty and Sport had an hour , but Prima Donna was still snoozing and she was also supposed to be in her seminary class at 8 : 25 . Princess and Drama Queen were long gone for school . I quickly called the Dog Walker who had to catch his train at 9 : 00 as I pulled on my clothes . He had 15 minutes to the train station . I handed Curly and Scout each a protein bar as we headed out the door . We pulled up in front of the elementary school at 8 : 37 . Curly was still upset and hustled to the front doors , although my heart swelled with gratitude when he pulled open the doors and then waited for another boy and his dad to pass through before he hurried inside . Scout gave me a kiss and climbed out of the van . Unfortunately , this is not an uncommon occurrence for her . When I got back to the house , the Dog Walker had returned from the train station . He missed his train because he couldn 't find his pass . He was stirring through couch cushions and dirty laundry , anywhere he could think of . Finally I convinced him he would have to drive to school and park in the free lot and he 'd better get going or he would miss class . Crafty was helping Baby Doll get ready for preschool and by 10 : 00 I had dropped Crafty and Sport at the middle school , Baby Doll at preschool , and I was trying to decide if I should go to Curves . My good sense won out and I headed for home and crawled back in bed . An hour later , my cell phone rang . It was my sweetie asking me something about cornstalks . In my confusion , I 'm not sure what I said , but 30 seconds later he came through the front door , 12 hours early ! I was so happy to see him ! They had finished up and caught an earlier flight . Now maybe my life ( or at least my mornings ) can get back to normal . It was so fun to watch the football scrimmage yesterday for Curly 's team ! They played Burrito 's team ( coached by Gamer ) . If you remember , we missed football tryouts and the Scout league is brand new so my cute son was an unknown . He was placed on the Platinum team which is the lowest in the pecking order , but since it is his first year , we are totally fine with that . His coach was pleasantly surprised by his size and although he is the youngest on his team , he is one of only 3 X men ( which means he must play the line ) . He gets to play pretty much all the time , every game ! He plays on the offensive line and on the defensive line , and yesterday he was lined up against Burrito . It was fun to watch them push each other around on the field instead of in the family room . Had we known Gamer would be a coach , we might have been able to put them on the same team , but it 's probably best this way . I think if they were playing together they would just distract each other . The only sad part is that normally they play on different fields at exactly the same time so we can 't watch both of them play . The kids have been harassing me for quite some time to update our " meet the fam " button and I have resisted . Partly because the day after the update , everything changes again . But they are right , Baby Doll was only a few months old when I originally wrote those paragraphs and now she is ( almost ) 5 . If you have a minute , check it out and let me know what you think . Should I pull out all the ages to keep it less confusing ? Or does that help with the confusion . Or is this whole conversation confusing ? We had a fun time together yesterday making Zebra popcorn . It 's called Zebra popcorn because it has dark stripes on it and its really awesome . Drama Queen figured out how to make it while she lived in Nephi and so we decided to make it together . First , we had to get the supplies : like an air - pop popcorn maker and a big bowl to catch the popcorn . Then we put kernels in the popcorn maker , and it popped the popcorn . Sometimes it was so silly and tried to jump out of the bowl . Next , we made sure that there were no kernels in the popped popcorn and spread in out on cookie sheets . And then we got a pan out to make the caramel . First in the pan was 1 1 / 2 sticks of butter , plus 1 / 2 cup of sugar and we melted that down . Then we added 14 oz . of sweetened condensed milk ( Drama Queen likes that so much she tried to lick the extra off the lid ! ) and three tablespoons of corn syrup . We had to stir it a lot - like for ten minutes ! But then it was ready and we poured it on the popcorn . It was really , really hot , so only Drama Queen could stir the popcorn around and get it all carmaley , but I got to eat all the pieces that fell off the pan onto the table ! We needed to let it cool down but then we could add the chocolate ! We just used some chocolate almond bark from the food - store and melted in the microwave . It was so easy . Then , Drama Queen flipped the melted chocolate all over the popcorn so that it looked pretty . We wanted to serve it for family home evening treat , so we had to hide it in the oven so the kids wouldn 't eat it all when they got home from school . ( Prima Donna can eat sooooooo much popcorn when she is hungry . It 's like her favorite food . ) . . . We may have let Mom snitch a little though . . At family home evening , everybody loved it ! We love learning about Jesus and we love eating popcorn too . It was so yummy but it kinda made me thirsty . What do you eat for family home evening treat ? I 'm so sorry I 've been a bit AWOL this week ! I told you my computer is having issues and Bossy has been running constant tests on it since then to try to bring it back to life . I don 't love working at my sweetie 's computer . He has a weird keyboard , I can 't find anything on his desk , but mostly , it just isn 't my desk , my computer , you get it . . . We did get a chance to watch the Homecoming Parade . Prima Donna was supposed to walk with the drama department and the Seven Brides for Seven Brothers float , but her foot could only make it a block or two before she stopped and stayed with us until we headed for home . Although she is doing well and not wearing her boot at all , it is still difficult for her to do tons of walking or worse than that is quick walking and running is out of the question . Saturday was football ( both boys won ! , as did the grandsons ) . Princess had a Nutcracker rehearsal and then she and Prima Donna went to the Girl Scout Annual Meeting . It was their last duty as delegates to our Oquirrh Community . Delegates only have two - year terms and they are both ending those two years . It 's nice having them a bit more involved . Fajita had a date to the Homecoming Dance and she had her date pick her up here . She looked so happy and beautiful ! ( Add a picture , Bossy ! ) We spent the rest of the evening making tomato sauce and beans . We got 12 quarts of tomato sauce after my sweetie made stuffed peppers out of a bunch of it . The beans are winding down now as the weather is getting cooler and we only had 4 quarts this time . Sunday was church . Scout had a talk to do and that was trauma getting it ready . For some reason she has forgotten that she can do things by herself . We also got my sweetie on an airplane and then we made homemade pizza for Princess 's birthday dinner . We completed our celebration with cake and ice cream and then it was homework and Reflections and a poster contest until bedtime . I 'm hoping for a slower week that allows us to get some things finished up before rehearsals for Nutcracker and the musical get too crazy . Did I tell you Prima Donna got the part of Mrs . Holloum ? She is super excited ! I know it 's been a couple of days since you 've been waiting for the latest story of our family . As a matter of fact , my mother wanted to tell all of you about one of the best moments that can be part of spending quality time with a family member , like your mom : Reading Harry Potter books . When I was young , my Mom was worried about how I was struggling with my reading abilities for school . Some of the times , I never felt like reading anything , because I 've heard that reading is hard and long at the same time . That 's how I wasn 't fond of reading , until now . I 've watched Harry Potter movies , but never read the books , until Mom asked me when I was ten to start reading them . When I started reading , I was still having a hard time trying to get the words to pronounce right and make the right tone of the character or the author 's perspective . Whenever I encountered a word that was in the profanity list , I would always translate it to a word that 's more appropriate to say . My parents have been teaching me about profanity , and some of the times in my childhood , I always quoted from movies , and I didn 't know what actors would say was either offensive or inappropriate . So for the rest of a lifetime , whenever I encounter those profaning terms , I do the best I can to say them different instead of having to swear while reading . For all of my childhood when reading Harry Potter to my mom , she said it was helping me know how to read hard words and I 've been reading so much in my life . That might be impressive to all of you for an autistic person , but think about it when I earned all the merit badges . In order to earn them all , I had to do some reading too . Anyway , reading all of Harry Potter was a challenge . Unfortunately , I wasn 't able to finish the seventh book to my mom , because it felt very long for me to read and I couldn 't decide if I should keep on reading or if I can stop for a while . Ever since then , I assumed that Harry Potter is all read and I don 't feel like reading them anymore . But today , since I 'm taking Children 's Literature class at college , I 'm asked to read one Harry Potter book . So I decided to read it to my mom , because she loves to hear me read and she always me with the other big words that are hard to pronounce . For a few days , I 've been reading three chapters in one day from the first book to my mom , because she 's so intrigued to hear what happens next . It sometimes gives me a headache whenever I read those long chapters and all the ten point font words , but I didn 't want to disappoint my mom , so I keep reading until the times right to stop for a while and then get back to reading . I hope you enjoyed this and hopefully I 'll be able to pass the Children 's Literature class by December . I think my computer is finally dying a slow and agonizing death . I 'm sad to see it go because it is an XP machine ( I know , but I don 't like learning new technology ) , and it has served me well for a long time . It has been difficult to update since they stopped supporting XP and that is actually the problem . I fell for a fake Norton virus . Sometimes things are not always what they seem . I thought that when my son told me about this deal he got online at the Men 's Warehouse for a suit . He asked me to hem the pants and then proudly told me he got the entire thing for $ 29 . Of course I was stunned . You can 't even buy that much fabric to make a suit for $ 29 . He laughed and told me it was clearance and then they took an extra 40 % off . So I immediately scolded him for not telling me about it at the time . Then over Labor Day weekend I got a text , " The suit sale is back on ! " I put my sweetie on it and promptly forgot about it , figuring he probably didn 't have the time to figure out his size , let alone peruse the online site . Then this week they arrived , 3 high quality suits , one for my sweetie , one for Sport , and one for Curly . Yeah , he had to order 3 so he could get the free shipping , and for all 3 the total was just over $ 100 . Chick - Fil - A is so cool ! Here in South Jordan they have a kids ' club that meets once a month . The club is free and they focus on a different thing each month . My kids did it some last year , but Bossy took them every time , so this was my first time . And my second time . And my third time . It was a crazy evening . I took Baby Doll and Curly to tap as soon as the kids got home from school . When I picked them up , I had to take Curly straight to football practice . Then Baby Doll changed her clothes and we loaded Sport and Scout in the van so we could drop Scout at her tap class . Then I took Baby Doll and Sport to CFA for the kids ' club . They had so much fun touring the fire engine and making badges and hats . They were each given a cookie and Sport also got a little stuffed cow and a free shake for his birthday . We had to hurry . I dropped Sport and Baby Doll at the house and then ran to pick up Scout . Round 2 . I took her to CFA and did the same thing all over again . Then it was back to the house to throw dinner together . At 7 : 00 , I sent Dog Walker after Crafty at the dance studio and I picked up Curly from practice . Sport got his own ride to Young Men 's . Then Curly and I came back to the house , picked up Crafty , dropped her at the church , and I drove to CFA for a third time today . Curly knew everything ended at 7 : 00 , but they had given us his little cow and shake coupon for his birthday and he was anxious to cash it in . He didn 't want to miss out on all the fun . Sadly , when we arrived at 7 : 15 , everything was cleaned up so we ordered his free shake and stood by the counter to wait . Then I saw the girl who was running the cookie station and I asked her if they had anything left over for my boy . She told us " No , " but she must have seen the disappointment on my little guy 's face , because she disappeared and returned a minute later with a cookie for him anyway . I just looked at my phone and I didn 't take a single picture for you today . I don 't know what I was thinking ! Princess helped my Activity Days girls make two kinds of muffins today , banana nut and zucchini and we talked about making the girls a cookbook and taking pictures for them . Then in the craziness of the moment , neither one of us remembered to take a single one . I watched Baby Doll dance this morning and thought she was so cute , but sadly , I left the camera in my pocket there too . She and I delivered fliers in the rain today and we splashed through the deep puddles with the van . I thought about taking a picture of the ducks at the retention pond where Curly usually practices with his football team . Unfortunately , they had to find a different place for practice because those ducks were swimming in at least 8 inches of water . My sweetie tells me there are flash floods and calamities everywhere , but sometimes I am so wrapped up in my own little world I have no idea what is going on around me . Do you tend to be hyper - focused ? Or do you follow The Dog Walker sent me a text early this morning . " It 's supposed to rain today and tomorrow . " I was sure hoping he was going to be wrong on this one because Princess and Crafty were supposed to dance tonight at the Taste of South Jordan event and it was outside . I watched the skies all day . I was excited to see Princess dance again . This opportunity came up before the new performing teams had time to put anything together , so they asked the girls from last year to come back and dance . They do the most beautiful number to David Archuleta 's Glorious and it was supposed to be the final number . At 3 : 45 when the girls left to set up , it was windy , but no rain yet . Then , the minute Baby Doll , Curly , Scout , and I got in the van to head for the park , we saw the first drops of rain . At 4 : 30 , it was still pretty sparse . Unfortunately , the sound system hadn 't arrived and the girls couldn 't dance without their music . So we waited . And the drops came down heavier and heavier . Finally the sound system arrived . Crafty 's group took the stage for their first number and one of the girls slipped a little on the wet stage . Still they danced on . Fortunately for us , we were under a canopy and so were they , but the rain was starting to come in sideways . Two more numbers and Princess 's group did their Western number . It was fun , but not Glorious . Sadly , by then the rain was unrelenting and the girls were sent home . They were all wet and disappointed . Things cleared up a little later , so hopefully the tasting event was a success . I made a huge german chocolate cake , but I felt like it was a little dry , so I was glad that Princess and Crafty jumped in and put together some different desserts . We also had 2 kinds of cookies and peanut butter bars . It was fun to visit with everyone . We had 2 cousins and their spouses here . I hadn 't seen them in years ! By about 8 : 00 , everyone was gone and it was time to clean up and get the kids ready for the new week . There are so many things coming up over the next few weeks . Prima Donna got the part of Mrs . Holloum in the musical at Bingham , Seven Brides for Seven Brothers . She is super excited about that ! It is the part she auditioned for . Other auditions going on were for Nutcracker and we should see those results on Wednesday . It is pretty nerve - wracking . Until we get everyone settled , we just don 't know how our lives might change . One thing for sure , there is always change . Sport has had an infection in his toe for over a month now . We have nearly finished the second round of antibiotics and the doctor suggested that it was time to have the ingrown nails removed in a " procedure . " Sport was nervous ! He hates needles , but he isn 't fond of having the toe pain all the time either . He took it like a trooper at first , but after a while it started to get to him . He is like me and he needs that extra bit of pain killer to get numb . By the time the doc was cauterizing the edges , we had all had enough . Fortunately , he has been able to play football and keep his commitments to his team although they did lose today . And he did go to school right from the doctor 's office , but other times he has had trouble from the pain . Hopefully by Monday he will be back to normal . I told you it was my 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday , but we had a very busy day . Even so , they didn 't stop us from finding some time to be together . We met for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory . The Dog Walker doesn 't have classes on Thursdays , so he watched Baby Doll . It was nice to have lunch with just the two of us . We had a generous gift card from our friend , Missy , and we only ended up pay about $ 7 . But honestly , I think $ 67 is way too much to pay for lunch ! We didn 't even get anything that exciting . I had the orange chicken and my sweetie had salmon . We shared an appetizer and a piece of cheesecake and he had a soda . That was it . We could have eaten out at our favorite Chinese place at least twice for that price , maybe 3 times and the food would have been just as good . I 'm not ungrateful . Really I 'm not . Just a bit surprised by the prices . Then after I finally got home last night around 10 , we went out for ice cream while Drama Queen put the kids to bed . We sat in the Sconecutter lobby until past 11 : 30 . I need to soak up all the time I can with my sweetie . It looks like he might be spending a lot of time traveling over the next 3 months . We have been so fortunate to have him here most of the time . He has watched our kids grow up and his jobs have allowed us to live comfortably , so I guess I shouldn 't complain about a little travel . Some people have to deal with it all the time . I feel like I 'm rambling today . I 'm so glad it 's Friday . I hope you have a long and happy weekend . Posted by Prima Donna is getting her Girl Scout Gold Award at the Recognition of Excellence ceremony next month . These aren 't at all like a Court of Honor for the boy scouts . First of all , they only do them once a year . Secondly , they have them at a hotel downtown . This one is at the City Creek Marriott . They also include lunch for her and two guests . As for me , life is insane . Dance started up again this week and we have Nutcracker auditions and volleyball , football , Activity Days , and scouts . I 'm trying to reform my troop and get a calendar ready for the rest of the year . We are having an 80th birthday for my dad on Sunday with all the family here , so we are trying to get the house ready and plan a meal for 40 people . And today is my 32nd Anniversary . My sweetie is working although he is going to try to get away so we can go to lunch . He has been putting in long hours this week so he can prepare to travel next week . I have to defend the grant at the Arts Council tonight and Sport has football pics so we can 't really go out this evening . Some people think that at 18 you don 't really know what you want to do with your life , but for me , it was the perfect age to get started on my lifelong journey with my best friend . Why walk the path alone ? We have had some amazing adventures . I 'd do it all over again . |
Borrowing the catch - phrase of Professor Farnsworth from Futurama , I have some good news . I went to hospital to have a check up for my BIH at the neurology department . They looked at history of intercranial pressure taken at each lumbar puncture / spinal tap I have had and saw that it has slowly been decreasing over the last 2 and a half years . I also have not been getting many headaches lately and they say the headaches I have been getting are tension headaches . Based on my history and how I have been doing the last six months , they believe the BIH has resolved itself and that I am well enough to go off my medication . This is VERY good news because the medication I was on for BIH had some horrible side effects and I was pretty sure it was interacting with my antidepressants . The only way to see if the BIH is gone is to take me off the meds . SO no more painful pins and needles in my hands and feet , no more fatigue , no more nausea and no more having to pee 75 times a day ! . Yipeee ! ! ! Let 's just hold thumbs and hope that it is gone . And my second bit of good news is that I have a job interview on Friday for a PA / Junior Journalist position at a Christian magazine . I didn 't deliberately apply for a job at a Christian magazine , it just came up . I had to send in samples of my writing . One of the samples was " 10 Unusual degrees " from this blog . Obviously I changed it and spruced it up a little . I had to do the Myers - Briggs Personality test and answer all these questions about my commitment to Christianity etc before even getting invited to the interview . I have studied the Myer - Briggs closely during the course of my degree so I know how it works and could easily have cheated on it . But since I want to work for a company that I actually fit into , I didn 't . I was a surprised and a little offended with the questions about Christianity since I see that as very personal but answered them as honestly as I could ( I didn 't go as far as to tell them I was an atheist for several years ) . Because of the answers I gave , I really didn 't expect a call back . As I haven 't gotten the job yet and I will have to answer some tough questions in the interview ( I don 't have a SA drivers license / what exactly have I being doing the last four years ) I not exactly celebrating . But I got an interview so at least that is some achievement for now . I will be nervous on Friday , it 's the first job interview I have had since living in America and I am facing a lot of competition . I need to convince them that I can both study and work full time . I am also dreading any personal questions they may ask . I have had to borrow money from my sister to buy clothes as I just don 't have anything that is suitable . I feel a lot of pressure to succeed for my family . Today is Father 's day , I always struggle with Father 's day mostly because of the past I have with my Dad . I thought maybe I would just sleep through the whole day until I was literally guilted out of my bed , forced to come downstairs and put on a smile . Since about 14 : 30 this afternoon my sister 's voice , blaring as she bosses us around has had the same effect on me as nails on a chalkboard . The reason I have been writing this all this about my grandmother is because this week we finally put her in a home . Granted she really should already been in a home years ago but my Mom just couldn 't let go . Up until just recently my Mom was the centre of my grandmother 's universe and she couldn 't stand to be away from her . My mother believed that once my grandmother stopped responding to her love that then it would be time to let go . I think that my Mom carries a lot of guilt because it was that idea that led to disaster with my grandmother breaking her hip and her final decline into complete insanity . This led to a year of hell for our family that caused a breakdown of our relationships , isolation , depression and a whole lot of anger for all of us . If my grandmother was herself she would be horrified at all that happened . Now for what I see as a true tragedy : My grandmother was raised to believe that her most important place was within the family . She may never have had a career , but she worked twice as hard for her family . She came from a wealthy farming family but received nothing except a small settlement in her parents will . . . all because she was a girl and her husband was meant to take care of her . My grandfather died penniless in a home ( which was paid for by his brother ) when I was 19 . Standing over him in the final hours of his life , I felt nothing more than pity for him . I was more heartbroken by my Mom begging him to stay so she could spend more time with him . That was so awful . My beloved great - uncle died two months before I left for England . He had suffered a massive stroke the year before his death that left him a total invalid , unable to speak . Our family had raced across the country when that happened . I sat with him in the hospital throughout the night squeezing his hand and stroking his face trying to get my brain accept that my uncle , with his twinkling eyes , larger than life personality and booming voice was the same frail man that lay expressionless in that bed . It was a great day for him when he died . He loved God more than anything else on this earth and longed for the day when he could finally meet his maker . My great - uncle had made a great success of the farm he inherited and it has now been passed onto his sons , one of which is my godfather . My grandmother 's younger brother drank his farm and his money away . He died of cancer when I was 8 . So my grandmother is the last one left . The last one from the glory days . So in other words my poor grandmother is broke and even though she worked so hard . We could not afford to put her in a nice home or one that was even close buy . The home she is in now is very basic but comfortable for the price . But it is two hours away and my mother will only be able to see her once a month . My Mom has lived with my grandmother for most of her life except for her university years and the first 3 years she was married to my Dad . It has been a mad dash to get my Grandmother ready . You will not believe how much stuff you need to buy to get someone ready for going into an old - age home . The night before she left I was in the kitchen chopping vegetables for a stir fry and I was listening to my Mother talk to my Grandmother about the home , how many friends she would make , how the nurses were going to spoil her and how good the food was . My Mom washed her hair , cut her nails and was rubbing cream on her hands . My grandmother kept thanking her . The stir fry was not quiet working out the way I wanted ( I added to many damn noodles ! ) and then it hit me . My grandmother has been alive the whole time I have been alive , she was there for everything and I mean everything . Years and years of everything was going to end with a stir fry ? . This mostly likely was going to be her last meal with us . This was probably the last supper I would make for her . We are took my Grandmother to that home for her die . Her road on this earth will end there . And while she may change homes or come for visits , you know what I mean . A page has been turned and we are now facing the final chapter . The landscape of our family will never be the same . And with the stir fry thought came the cold realisation . I will never hear my Grandmother call my name again , she will never make me another cup of tea , her stories have now gone . I 'm still angry as hell but I don 't hate her anymore and I don 't want to be angry either . But I guess the reason why I am afraid to let go of that anger is because behind all that rage there is a heart wrenching sadness and a tunnel of endless regret . I have racked my brain trying identify those times when we may have had a second chance for a good relationship . Maybe everyday was a second chance , maybe we were never meant to be . The irony is that if my grandmother had not had Alzheimer 's we might have been very good friends . On that last night , after everyone had gone to bed I went into her room to fetch Milo , who for some reason had taken to curling on my Grandmother 's bed after she went to sleep . And there she lay tiny and fragile , a ghost of her former self . For some reason I thought about one Christmas when my Mom , sister and I were struggling to drag our potted Christmas tree into the house on a mat . My grandmother pushed us aside , took hold of the mat and dragged the whole thing in by herself quickly and with such apparent ease that all three of us were embarrassed by being shown up by a seventy - something woman . There are a lot of things I want to change about the past but none of that matters now . Saying " I love you " just felt to weird but I whispered to her how sorry I was . She didn 't hear me of course . They say that the bitterest tears shed over a grave are for words left unsaid . I took Milo and left . The next day she was gone , I stood in her room . Her bed was stripped and all her belongings were gone . Photographs of her now seem ancient , moments frozen in time . I am now part of her legacy . I hope and pray that I will learn from her mistakes and live my life well . In September last year , just a few days after my birthday , my Grandmother took a tumble down a step ( that was only about 2 inches high ) and broke her hip . We had been forced to moved to a new house as the farm my parents had lived on for the past seven years was sold . The move sent my grandmother in a continuous downward spiral and we thought things couldn 't get any worse . . . until that fall . After that life became unbearable for all of us . She had to have surgery and was in hospital for a month . Our entire family and extended family took turns in sitting with her in hospital to comfort her and remind her every few minutes where she was , what had happened and prevent her from trying to get up or pulling her catheter out . I sat staring at her not being able to offer any words of support other than the stereotypical cheesy stuff when it was absolutely necessary . My Mom was unhappy with the care she was receiving at the hospital and brought her home early . That day was one of the worst days of my life . It was just me and Georgina and the amount of care my grandmother needed was overwhelming . That fall shot any sanity my grandmother had left . When she came home from the hospital we had to put her in nappies / diapers because she was incontinent . Her vocabulary were severely compromised but that didn 't stop her talking in a continuous monotonous voice from the moment she woke up until she went to bed . The only talking she ever did was in the form of some very weird prayers or calling my mother . That was on a good day on a bad day she would shout and scream continuously . The talking alone drove us up the wall . Even though her leg healed very well , Alzheimer 's had started to claim her motor skills and she was confined to a wheelchair , only being able to walk very short distances with a walker . She screamed every time we moved the wheelchair and taking her in the car was impossible because it was " To fast " and she was afraid we were going to crash . My Grandmother never slept . She had no concept of time or of night or day . My Mom had to eventually start sleeping with her because she was so terrified of being alone and would try to get out of bed . She had several panic attacks a day but my Mom was hesitant about putting her on medication because she didn 't want her to get addicted . Though , I understand where my poor Mom was coming from the whole thing was absolutely ridiculous . Eventually one night after I found her in bed choking and hyperventilating which resulted in us having to call an ambulance , my Mom relented and my Grandmother was put on a sleeping pill and sedatives , providing a little relief ( and some more sleep ) for all of us . Whether it was because of the drugs or the disease she began having hallucinations . She had entered her own world never to return to the real one . If you told her something that she was seeing wasn 't there it was like she either wouldn 't hear you or comprehend you and just went on talking about the strange imaginary place she was in . The doctor put her on medicine they use treat people with schizophrenia , which I found odd but it didn 't make any difference any way . She hasn 't been as aggressive as most Alzheimer 's patients but she has tried to take a few socks and slaps at my Mom . The worst was when I found her trying to strangle Milo - he and jumped in her lap and frightened her , when I walked in I was so horrified I grabbed him away from her and slapped her hand hard . She then told my Dad I had tried to kill her . Her final obsession was with my Dad . His name was always in her mind and in the last few months she has called for him continuously throughout the day . At first she was convinced he was her husband ( something my Dad did not take very kindly ) . Then to her , everyone she saw was " my Dad " whether or not they were even male or female . The saddest part was when she finally forgot who my Mom was and stopped calling her by her name . I think because she always heard me call my Mother , " Mom " , she started to do that too . My Mom would not accept this until the day when my Grandmother was crying and saying over and over again , " Where is my mother ? , I want my mother ! " , my Mom gave in , knelt down next to her and said , " I am your Mother " . My Grandmother then cried over and over again , " Oh thank you ! , thank you ! " . They say that with Alzheimer 's patients , the happiest memories go last and this was true for my Grandmother . Her very last memories to go were those of her childhood and when she was at boarding school . My Mom tried to talk to her as much as she could about those days , hoping she would be spared a while long with those happy treasures in her hands . But ultimately , my Grandmother would wake up every morning having lost more of what little memory she had left . And so we watched as every last thread of her life slipped away and she became a stranger to us and us to her . It is very difficult to convey in words how horrendous the last year has been . Our family , my parents in particular , have faced many trails in their lives but very few of them can compare to this . What we have watched happen is truly frightening . Torture is the best way to describe the emotional impact it has had on us and the toil it has taken on our lives . Our entire lives revolved around my Grandmother and her care . We had very little freedom . We could never go out as a family and if one of us was out it could only be for a few hours because someone was on duty at home and needed to be relieved . It was worse for my mother - for the past year she has been house bound . It has had a different impact on me . Of course I was to busy with my damn revenge to notice that someone who loved me my whole life and nurtured me ( in her tedious , bossy way ) , was slipping away . But there were moments when the pain of what was happening would lash at me . Watching Little B running to her Great - Grandmother arms wide open only to get pushed away because she thought Little B was attacking her . And then seeing my Mom cry because she missed her mother so much - she was there but she wasn 't at the same time . My Dad used to say that the person we had in our house was no longer my Grandmother and that she had left us some time ago . As harsh as that sounds he was right . And where did all my hatred get me ? . Well it got me nowhere . It was useless . It just made me more miserable and more of a liability to my Mom instead of an asset when she desperately needed help . I felt bitter because I had gotten nowhere . I 'm still angry at my Grandmother but how is that benefiting me ? . It 's funny how human beings see holding on to anger as doing them some sort of justice when they have been scorned . In the end no one cares and it 's like going around in a circle . I 'm not sure when my Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer 's . Honestly it feels to me like she has always had it . And living with someone who is afflicted with this condition is heartbreaking as well as being pure hell . Because of the recession in 2009 I could no longer afford to live and study on my own . I moved out of Cape Town and back in with my parents . . . . and my grandmother . My Mom still had her own business then and would work long hours . My Dad would work from home in an outside office . The care of my grandmother was left up to a lady that my Mom originally hired to do cleaning . She was very good with my grandmother and would cook for her and take care of her during the day while taking care of the house . Soon though my grandmother started to become more and more of a full time job . We had a cat back then who my grandmother became obsessed with ( a commonality in Alzheimer 's patients ) . If the cat wasn 't within her line of vision she would panic , she tried to follow this cat wherever she went ( and if you own a cat you know that this is impossible ) . If the cat did anything like " meow " or role around or ANYTHING she took as a sign that the cat had to be hungry and would get furious at all of us , accusing us of starving the cat . At least once an hour there was a blow up with her about the cat . The worst was when the cat went off somewhere as cats do , my grandmother would leave the house and go and try to find her . My parents lived on an apple farm and this happened several times a day and either Georgina , myself or my Dad would have to go out and frantically look for her . Then she would start accusing any stranger she came across of stealing the cat . And then came the day when she claimed that our cat . . . . was not our cat . At night her obsession switched to the locking of doors . After she went to bed she never slept as she was up and down all night checking that all the doors were locked . Of course she would always forget that she had already checked and keep on checking all night . Soon she started waking us up at night " Wondering where everybody was " . She needed help with dressing , bathing and eventually going to the toilet . She was terrified of being alone and always afraid of some impending doom . She would work herself up into into a crazy state that would always end in her crying hysterically . Her balance was effected and we constantly had to watch her to make sure she didn 't harm herself . And then of course , there was her mental state . It probably sounds petty when I say that her repeating the same thing over and over again or the 50 million questions she would ask . . . by breakfast , was irritating . But just imagine having to hear the same line over and over and over again knowing that telling them to shut the hell up would have no effect what so ever AND you actually couldn 't even get angry because it would agitate their mental state even more ? . Well . . . I 'm sure that 's how my Mom must have felt . I didn 't let it stop me from screaming my lungs out besides , it me feel better . Even if she would be beside herself once I had calmed down . Throughout all of this I was horrible to her . I hated her . I kept thinking , " After being a constant intrusion in our lives you had to go ahead and become a burden too " . I didn 't care that she was afraid and confused and suffering . I just cared about venting all the anger I had held inside of me for years . If I wasn 't ignoring her , I was yelling at her . I called her a " A demented old cow " and " A senile old woman " . I resented her always having to tag along when my Mom and I were out together . My Mom may have been able to control how I spoke to her when I was little but not now . This lead to many fights between my mother and I which of course made me even more angry . But even through her dementia my Grandmother still managed to retain her good qualities . After any attack I had made on her the disease would have her promptly forget that anything had happened . But the unhappiness remained . She was unhappy and she didn 't know why . Knowing my Grandmother she probably thought it was because of something she had done . She would seek me out and want to hug me and love me . This made me feel like the worst person ever born on God 's green earth and I would try to get away . My grandmother may not have been able to rescue me from my abuse but she was always there to comfort me . When it was my turn to do the same I failed her I did nothing but make her suffering worse . The full implications of that haven 't hit me yet but they will eventually . I will have to deal with what I did for the rest of my life . The changes were so small at first that probably she even didn 't notice it . Trying to recall a name , a date , what she had done the previous day . Then she would forget where she put something , leave the bath water on until it was overflowing . Burn food on the stove or in the oven because she forgot it was there . Then these changes became slowly visible to those closest to her . My grandmother did a lot of the house work . When she put dishes away no one could ever find them because they were not in their usual place . She would clean up and put stuff away and we wouldn 't see them for months . Then she couldn 't remember which month we were in and then which year . Right after the fire it was decided that my disabled aunt should go to a home . My grandmother had looked after her for over 40 years . Since my grandmother had reached her 70 's she started to have difficulty managing . Once my aunt was in the home my grandmother visited almost every afternoon . Soon she deteriorated to the point where she was actually forgetting to go and see my aunt . And when she got to the home , she was never able to find my aunt 's room and would get lost . Despite this she still continued to go whenever she could . My grandmother had a weird habit of always falling asleep during movies or during the sermon in church . But soon all she had to do is sit down for five minutes and she would fall asleep right then . One time she was holding a cup of hot tea , fell asleep and let go of the mug , pouring the scalding liquid into her lap . A fracture to her arm and a bout of hepatitis only seemed to worsen her memory . We all just thought that it was all part of age . But then she was forgetting people 's names and eventually couldn 't remember the names of those living with her without some prompting . She couldn 't find her clothes or her medication . She would make us multiple cups of tea forgetting that she had already made the tea . Then she forgot how to tell the time . There were huge fights because my Mom did not want my grandmother to do housework anymore but my grandmother refused to give up anything that she saw as her duties . Having to constantly look for things made us all angry . When I moved to England at the age of 20 my parents had moved to a house on an apple farm . Although my grandmother 's memory was pretty shot she was still able to do basic things for herself and it was fine to leave her alone in the house for a few hours . The Christmas before I left I realised that something serious was wrong with my grandmother and that it was not simple forgetfulness . I had taken my grandmother shopping for presents for my Mom and Dad . That was the Christmas it snowed on the mountains ( despite it being SUMMER in South Africa ) so I settled her next to the heater in her room with a cup tea and went to my room to wrap presents . It must have been 5 or 6 times in the space of 30 minutes that she burst into my room panicking that she had not bought a present for my Mom . Not only did this mean that she had forgotten the entire day 's events but she was forgetting what I was telling her 3 minutes after I had spoken to her . When I said goodbye to my grandmother at the airport , she held me tight crying almost silently pleading me not to go . When I returned 3 and a half years later , she greeted me as though I was a stranger . She had been told over and over again who I was and she was very kind and polite . But her association of me , her memories of me , her love for a grand daughter had disappeared . While I was overseas I had gotten updates here and there of her slow decline . I spoke to her quite a few times , normally my Mom would be prompting her the background . But I missed most of it and I came home to find her drastically changed . So , you would think that in these circumstances I would have nothing but compassion for her . Well you are wrong . . . this is where the pure evil of me came out . I returned to South Africa in 2007 a completely different person . A terrifying , horrific mental breakdown 6 months before and ripped everything that I was and everything that I had known and believed in to shreds . The past which I had worked so long to suppress was now demanding to be acknowledged and dealt with . My grandmother had now conveniently forgotten everything but I still remembered it all with a sharp sting as though it had happened yesterday . Now because she was so weak and had forgotten everything that happened , she was an innocent little lamb . I couldn 't confront her , I wasn 't allowed . Those fights that we had had in the past were no longer acceptable ( not that they were acceptable in the first place ) and were actually dangerous for her mental state . So I just had to button it and . . . forgive . I 'm sure some people can relate when I say it is impossible to forgive someone when you are fulled with such black rage that you could be motivated to kill a person if it came down to it . I had no way to express this rage , no chance for an absolution . I just had to " hold it " and as my mother LOVES to say , " Forget about the past " . I couldn 't hold it . . . someone had to pay for what was done to me and because my grandmother had no way of fighting back now didn 't mean I couldn 't get some revenge . My grandmother had an older brother - my great uncle , whom I loved and adored . This is what is so ironic to me . Those personality traits I hated in my grandmother - her vanity , racism , sexism , prejudice and controlling personality were even worse in my great Uncle . Except for the vanity . I can 't understand it or explain it but he should have been even more of a irritant , but I was able to look past all of his flaws and saw him as a surrogate grandfather . He was a hugely charismatic man with a larger than life personality and loud booming voice . He would sweep my sister and I up into tight hugs and kiss the tops of our heads over and over . He listened to us intently , prayed over us and told us long stories . The best way I can describe him is that he knew what all your bad traits were but he focused only on what was good . He was one of the first people ( along with my Mom ) who looked past my cold steel exterior and saw a treasure . My great uncle was unbelievably strong while my grandmother was weak and I think it was because of how they were raised . He was raised to be a man and lead a legacy . She was raised to serve and produce children without asking any questions . If she had been given half the chance I think my grandmother had the potential to do great things . But she was a woman . In 1996 one single event set off a chain reaction of which the tragic consequences we are dealing with today . My Mom had taken my sister and I to school , my Dad was away and my grandmother was alone in our house fixing breakfast for herself and my disabled aunt . Smoke suddenly began billowing from down the passage , she ran to the room she shared with my aunt to find that a heater had short - circuited and caught alight . The surrounding area and the edge of my aunt 's bed had begun to burn . Despite being someone that was prone to severe panicking what she did was truly remarkable . She lifted my Aunt off the bed , put her in her wheelchair and raced her out into the lounge . Then she went back into the room threw several blankets over the burning heater picked the whole blazing mess up and dumped it outside . She again ran back into the room and threw her bedding over everything else that was burning . My Mom came home to find my grandmother with black hair , hands burnt raw and sobbing uncontrollably because the house had almost burnt down and it was her " fault " . We were truly blessed that day , what could have been a horrible accident was saved because of God 's mercy and my grandmother 's bravery and quick thinking . We went on with our lives much more thankful but what we didn 't know was that a silent switch and been flipped by an invisible hand . Over the next ten years we witnessed a transformation that would shock us all to the core . From the outside my grandmother appeared to be a sweet innocent old lady . Everyone liked her . Despite the fact that she was a argumentative menace to everyone in my family they loved her very much . No one else feels this way towards her except for me . I can tell you if anyone in my family had to read what I am writing they would be shocked , angry and disgusted . I guess they should be . It feels like a law against nature to hate your own grandmother . My grandmother made sure she always knew what was going on with everyone in the family . She would watch , listen . . . eavesdrop outside closed doors . Because she made sure that she knew about everything that went on she knew more about my abuse than anyone else . I still feel like it 's a crime to say that I was emotionally and physically abused . She knew what my Dad did to me , she watched and listened . She would always be there in the background or around the corner . The worst is I knew she knew what was going on was terribly wrong . I could see it in her face . Whether it was because she was once an abused woman herself , or because she believed that my Dad , was the head of the house and my father , she should not interfere or she was just in denial I don 't know . But she was the one person who knew that I desperately needed help and she choose not to do anything . And here is where her " good quality " comes in . After being beaten she was always there holding me , washing the tears and sweat away from my face , tying up my hair and putting me to bed , all the while cursing my father . It was like being given time in a boxing ring and going into the corner for water and a pep talk before being sent back . It was a blessing to have that comfort after all those horrific episodes . I really should be grateful because the majority of kids that are abused have no one . But it just made me hate her even more . She was just there to listen and see and then comfort . Never to help . And so for years it continued , each time it occurred it sliced away at my soul and took away more of the person I was meant to be . By just typing that last post , digging deep into the crevices of my families history fulled me with anger and bitter resentment . The stupidity of some of those people . . . . . ( my family members ) astounds me . I am just showing you the ugly side of things . In truth my family in those days were like the American South before the civil war . There were great adventures , grand parties , unbelievable stories of wealth and luxury and eccentric personalities . Growing up my sister and I often felt like we had come late to some big party . We came when all the fun had been had and everyone was suffering from one big hangover . For the first 18 months of my life it was just my Mom and I . My Dad was always away on business . Other than a few visits by a church friend and my half - brother and half - sister my Mom and I were each other 's only companions . Within two months , I had a new baby sister , had moved countries and was living in a massive old house with . . . . both my parents , my sister , my aunt , my two cousins ( my aunt hadn 't really figured that sex gets you pregnant ) , my disabled aunt and both my divorced grandparents . My half - brother and half - sister were soon dropped into the mix . One big happy family . I don 't think you 'd be surprised if I told you I became a rather disturbed baby . Plus there seemed to be something " funny " about the house we lived in . My Mom thought there were evil spirits living there . I don 't know , but throughout our time living there I would wake up most nights screaming in terror . My Mom , exasperated , sleep - deprived and under pressure from my Dad would resort to spankings to get me to stop . I can still remember this . I also suffered from a series of freak accidents - falling down the stars , burning myself , the worst was when I chopped my pinkie off my left hand and had to have it sewn back on . Because I went from being a little angel to a child possessed by the devil by Mom left the care of my younger sister to my grandmother while she focused on me . Because of this I think my sister became my grandmother 's favorite . I didn 't have much to do with my grandmother back then but I remember resenting her presence . My Mom would tell me one thing and she would disagree and tell me to do another thing . Life to her was all about acting " proper " . She fought openly with my Dad and spoke horribly about him behind his back and in front of me . My grandmother has lived with my parents for most of the time I have been alive . With the exception of two years where my Dad - in an attempt to get some peace and quiet - rented her a flat half an hour away . Whenever we had to move there was never a question of whether or not she would come with us . It was always assumed . Because she was always there my sister and I always had to share a room . Once the two of us got older and it became obvious that our sharing a room was actually dangerous , we would convert any space in the house we could find , a dinning room etc into a room for my grandmother . Having grown up in South Africa , during apartheid and especially in a farming community , it was only natural that my grandmother was extremely racist and prejudiced . She would talk about people of a different ethnic race - particularly blacks - as though they were the plague and would refer to them in the most derogatory terms . Before Nelson Mandela was realised from prison in 1990 she had me shit - scared of the man and convinced me he was going to kill all the whites . My grandmother was prejudiced in that if a person looked or dressed a certain way for example they had certain personality traits . Nothing could sway her on this even if the person she was speculating on turned out to be the exact opposite . To add to this sparkling impression I have created , my grandmother was also horribly sexist . Woman were there to get married and pop kids , working was a man 's job . Women had to do certain " things " to ensure they got married . It horrified her that I did not want to get married or have children . Her advice on actual marriage was even more absurd . . . , " You must get pregnant three to six months after your wedding . . . . " . Everything I have mentioned above created the groundwork for a very toxic relationship . The older I got the more my grandmother intruded into my life and tried to force her ideals on me . She constantly contradicted my mother and father and believing herself in charge would tell my sister and I what to do . By the time I reached my teens I couldn 't stand her . She fulled me with so much rage that it was hard to remain respectful . I would constantly get into trouble and be punished for the way I treated her . Which obviously fuelled my resentment more . We couldn 't get through a day without having two or three fights . Sometime the rage would get so bad it almost got to me slapping her . The worst I ever did was violently push the car seat when she was sitting in front of me . I would yell things at her like " You 're an old crone ! " or " Old hag ! " . Particularly in my late teens I treated her very very badly . If I had been a decent person back then I would have noticed that her age was weakening her , while I was getting stronger . All I cared about was that I was finally winning all those fights ! . This post has been on my heart and nagging at my mind for quite a few months . And because of the events happening in my household in the coming week , I think that it is finally time to put this to rest . Since it is so long I am dividing it up into a few parts . When I started this blog I made a promise to myself that no matter what I choose to write , it would be honest and NOT exaggerated as I admit I have the tendency to do . I admit that sometimes my wanting people to like me and sympathize with me stopped me from writing about certain things . That was until recently . I 'm not sure why I am choosing to write about this situation . . . I might be able to tell you later upon reflection . Here is my warning : There is a very good side to me I won 't go into that but I hope that some of you have been able to see that through my writing . BUT there is also a very terrible , evil side to me . I could make an excuse and say that I got this from my father , some of that is true . But mostly I picked this up all by myself . Basically I can be the most cold - hearted , conniving , selfish bitch alive . It 's true . I have hurt people beyond repair , plotted how to destroy and bring someone down . I make Sami Brady look sweet . Here 's why , I will tell you the story of my grandmother . My grandmother was born into a well - to - do farming family in South Africa in 1927 . This family owned most of the farming land outside of Kimberly . She had a happy , carefree childhood as far as I know , she was very close with her brothers and adored her father - I have heard so much about how wonderful this man was from everyone who knew him . She went to boarding school as soon as she was old enough , as was necessary for children of farming families . My grandmother graduated high school and then went home to live with her parents where she basically waited around to be married - this was also the custom for young South African women in those days as most trades were closed to them . My grandmother was a very beautiful young woman and she didn 't have to wait long before many suitors came to call , most of them were from very wealthy families and had very lucrative careers . She could have had any man she wanted but for some reason she choose a frizzy - haired , google - eyed man who was well known for being a slacker living off his wealthy parents . His one achievement in life , is that he had learnt how to fly . He would have made an excellent pilot but being indisposed to working , choose to fool around in his one engine aeroplane instead . Legend has it he won my grandmother 's heart when he landed his plane in her backyard and came to ask her to a country dance . My great - grandparents were against the match from the start , they tried to reason , they begged and pleaded but nothing would sway my grandmother from accepting my grandfather 's hand in marriage . As my great - grandparents loved my grandmother very much and did not want to loose her , they organised her a massive , lavish wedding . 500 guests were there . We still have her dress to this day , although only my sister can fit into it . She must have looked breathtaking . It must have been a sad day for my great - grandparents . Their years had provided them with wisdom to know that their precious only daughter was doomed . Within three months my grandmother was pregnant with my aunt , who was born just before their first wedding anniversary . My mother ( in my opinion the best thing that ever happened to both of them ) was born two years later . Two year after that my grandmother was pregnant again and struggling with terrible morning sickness . She went to the doctor and he prescribed some pills . Trusting that doctor turned out to be the biggest mistake of her life . My aunt was born with a portion of her brain missing . She was blind , horribly retarded and had numerous deformities . I can 't imagine the guilt my grandmother must have carried for the rest of her life . They were told to put my aunt into an institution and forget about her . But my grandparents refused , brought her home where she was loved and adored . They suffered a lot of stigmatising because of this . My grandfather who would avoid working by any means possible demanded his inheritance from his mother and took the family to America where they lived off of the inheritance as well as buying cars , a big house , a speed boat and of course an aeroplane . Things were very good for a while . My Mom dropped out of university to spend a year travelling through Europe . Even though this had to be the dumbest decision she ever made , I 'm glad that she had this time to herself and freedom . She needed it because of the life that awaited her ( that 's a whole other story ) . Then my aunt got pregnant by a married man ( Another " I love you , I 'll leave my wife " story , which of course he didn 't ) and things began to go pair - shaped . The money ran out and they were destitute . My grandfather who had been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive toward my grandmother since the beginning of their marriage turned into a violent drunk . I have only just recently realised how this abuse affected my mother . She got beaten too . Most of the time it was while trying to defend my grandmother . If I had known this while he was still alive I would have slapped the living daylights out of him . You will not believe how much I HATE this man . My Mom went straight from Europe to America where she worked to help support the family . She became a surrogate mother to her niece , my cousin ( little B 's mother , who I love very , very much even though I want to kill her sometimes ) . My Mom eventually met and married my Dad ( biggest mistake of her life in my opinion ) . Through the influence of my Mom and my grandmother 's brother she was persuaded to return to South Africa with my disabled aunt and divorce my grandfather ( best thing my grandmother ever did . . . worst thing that happened to my grandfather ) . I was born in 1983 in Texas . In 1985 just two months before my sister was born , my Mom returned to South Africa with my Dad . All my Mom wanted was for her family to be together again and to take car of them . She persuaded my Dad to leave a pretty good life in America and come to South Africa to start new . What they weren 't banking on was all the extra luggage . . . in the form of my half - brother and later my half - sister . She had dreams of us all eventually living in a massive house together , which was beyond nuts . It was the biggest relief for my grandmother when my mother returned to South Africa . My grandmother had worked hard for her family but she had always been taken care of . She had never lived on her own , never went to college , never had a job . All she knew was how to be a wife and a mother . When she divorced my grandfather she was at a loss . It was assumed by her and my mother that she would move in with the family and she thought she 'd resume her role as wife and mother . There was just one problem . My Dad was not her husband and my sister , half - sister , half - brother and I were not her children . More over my mother was no longer a child . That aspect was the root of many serious problems we had with my grandmother . Instead of realising that she was no longer the one in charge but the support system she grasped desperately to the only part she knew how to play , causing resentment , fighting and the eventual breakdown of relationships . I never saw her as a grandMore to come . . . . . I don 't know when exactly Milo was born but we are estimating that it was the end of December / beginning of January this year . His mother had back to back litters in a hole under the farm workshop . I heard that the kittens from the litter before Milo 's had suffered cruel fate which I won 't go into . It seems that fate literally dropped him into our laps - how strange that we happened to be driving on the same road at the exact same time Milo 's mother was carrying him across . We had actually meant to be home earlier that day but were delayed for some reason I can 't remember . I was told to take him because they shoot stray cats on the farm where I live because they rent some of their land to an organic chicken farm . How anyone could shoot a kitten is beyond me and I became furious and told the farm manager that he was to bring any stray cats to me and I would take them to the SPCA . I threatened to lay charges and go to our local newspaper . I think he found that more funny than threatening but obviously I must of made an impression because he started to feed Milo 's mother and her remaining kittens . As far as I know they are still hanging out at his house but they are feral and he plans to take them to the SPCA once he has tamed them . We have also seen a cat that we are sure is Milo 's father - he has exactly the same colouring . This cat has to be one of the most enormous cats I have ever seen . Comparing Milo with his siblings , he was almost twice their size . So this is going to be one BIG kitty that we 'll have on our hands . It 's only once I looked at the photo 's I have been taking of him over these past months that I realise now how much he has grown . When he started out his ears looked to big for his face . He is now going through what I hope is just a phase of being really aggressive - attacking people 's feet with no warning . It feels like we are disciplining a two year old . |
Borrowing the catch - phrase of Professor Farnsworth from Futurama , I have some good news . I went to hospital to have a check up for my BIH at the neurology department . They looked at history of intercranial pressure taken at each lumbar puncture / spinal tap I have had and saw that it has slowly been decreasing over the last 2 and a half years . I also have not been getting many headaches lately and they say the headaches I have been getting are tension headaches . Based on my history and how I have been doing the last six months , they believe the BIH has resolved itself and that I am well enough to go off my medication . This is VERY good news because the medication I was on for BIH had some horrible side effects and I was pretty sure it was interacting with my antidepressants . The only way to see if the BIH is gone is to take me off the meds . SO no more painful pins and needles in my hands and feet , no more fatigue , no more nausea and no more having to pee 75 times a day ! . Yipeee ! ! ! Let 's just hold thumbs and hope that it is gone . And my second bit of good news is that I have a job interview on Friday for a PA / Junior Journalist position at a Christian magazine . I didn 't deliberately apply for a job at a Christian magazine , it just came up . I had to send in samples of my writing . One of the samples was " 10 Unusual degrees " from this blog . Obviously I changed it and spruced it up a little . I had to do the Myers - Briggs Personality test and answer all these questions about my commitment to Christianity etc before even getting invited to the interview . I have studied the Myer - Briggs closely during the course of my degree so I know how it works and could easily have cheated on it . But since I want to work for a company that I actually fit into , I didn 't . I was a surprised and a little offended with the questions about Christianity since I see that as very personal but answered them as honestly as I could ( I didn 't go as far as to tell them I was an atheist for several years ) . Because of the answers I gave , I really didn 't expect a call back . As I haven 't gotten the job yet and I will have to answer some tough questions in the interview ( I don 't have a SA drivers license / what exactly have I being doing the last four years ) I not exactly celebrating . But I got an interview so at least that is some achievement for now . I will be nervous on Friday , it 's the first job interview I have had since living in America and I am facing a lot of competition . I need to convince them that I can both study and work full time . I am also dreading any personal questions they may ask . I have had to borrow money from my sister to buy clothes as I just don 't have anything that is suitable . I feel a lot of pressure to succeed for my family . Today is Father 's day , I always struggle with Father 's day mostly because of the past I have with my Dad . I thought maybe I would just sleep through the whole day until I was literally guilted out of my bed , forced to come downstairs and put on a smile . Since about 14 : 30 this afternoon my sister 's voice , blaring as she bosses us around has had the same effect on me as nails on a chalkboard . The reason I have been writing this all this about my grandmother is because this week we finally put her in a home . Granted she really should already been in a home years ago but my Mom just couldn 't let go . Up until just recently my Mom was the centre of my grandmother 's universe and she couldn 't stand to be away from her . My mother believed that once my grandmother stopped responding to her love that then it would be time to let go . I think that my Mom carries a lot of guilt because it was that idea that led to disaster with my grandmother breaking her hip and her final decline into complete insanity . This led to a year of hell for our family that caused a breakdown of our relationships , isolation , depression and a whole lot of anger for all of us . If my grandmother was herself she would be horrified at all that happened . Now for what I see as a true tragedy : My grandmother was raised to believe that her most important place was within the family . She may never have had a career , but she worked twice as hard for her family . She came from a wealthy farming family but received nothing except a small settlement in her parents will . . . all because she was a girl and her husband was meant to take care of her . My grandfather died penniless in a home ( which was paid for by his brother ) when I was 19 . Standing over him in the final hours of his life , I felt nothing more than pity for him . I was more heartbroken by my Mom begging him to stay so she could spend more time with him . That was so awful . My beloved great - uncle died two months before I left for England . He had suffered a massive stroke the year before his death that left him a total invalid , unable to speak . Our family had raced across the country when that happened . I sat with him in the hospital throughout the night squeezing his hand and stroking his face trying to get my brain accept that my uncle , with his twinkling eyes , larger than life personality and booming voice was the same frail man that lay expressionless in that bed . It was a great day for him when he died . He loved God more than anything else on this earth and longed for the day when he could finally meet his maker . My great - uncle had made a great success of the farm he inherited and it has now been passed onto his sons , one of which is my godfather . My grandmother 's younger brother drank his farm and his money away . He died of cancer when I was 8 . So my grandmother is the last one left . The last one from the glory days . So in other words my poor grandmother is broke and even though she worked so hard . We could not afford to put her in a nice home or one that was even close buy . The home she is in now is very basic but comfortable for the price . But it is two hours away and my mother will only be able to see her once a month . My Mom has lived with my grandmother for most of her life except for her university years and the first 3 years she was married to my Dad . It has been a mad dash to get my Grandmother ready . You will not believe how much stuff you need to buy to get someone ready for going into an old - age home . The night before she left I was in the kitchen chopping vegetables for a stir fry and I was listening to my Mother talk to my Grandmother about the home , how many friends she would make , how the nurses were going to spoil her and how good the food was . My Mom washed her hair , cut her nails and was rubbing cream on her hands . My grandmother kept thanking her . The stir fry was not quiet working out the way I wanted ( I added to many damn noodles ! ) and then it hit me . My grandmother has been alive the whole time I have been alive , she was there for everything and I mean everything . Years and years of everything was going to end with a stir fry ? . This mostly likely was going to be her last meal with us . This was probably the last supper I would make for her . We are took my Grandmother to that home for her die . Her road on this earth will end there . And while she may change homes or come for visits , you know what I mean . A page has been turned and we are now facing the final chapter . The landscape of our family will never be the same . And with the stir fry thought came the cold realisation . I will never hear my Grandmother call my name again , she will never make me another cup of tea , her stories have now gone . I 'm still angry as hell but I don 't hate her anymore and I don 't want to be angry either . But I guess the reason why I am afraid to let go of that anger is because behind all that rage there is a heart wrenching sadness and a tunnel of endless regret . I have racked my brain trying identify those times when we may have had a second chance for a good relationship . Maybe everyday was a second chance , maybe we were never meant to be . The irony is that if my grandmother had not had Alzheimer 's we might have been very good friends . On that last night , after everyone had gone to bed I went into her room to fetch Milo , who for some reason had taken to curling on my Grandmother 's bed after she went to sleep . And there she lay tiny and fragile , a ghost of her former self . For some reason I thought about one Christmas when my Mom , sister and I were struggling to drag our potted Christmas tree into the house on a mat . My grandmother pushed us aside , took hold of the mat and dragged the whole thing in by herself quickly and with such apparent ease that all three of us were embarrassed by being shown up by a seventy - something woman . There are a lot of things I want to change about the past but none of that matters now . Saying " I love you " just felt to weird but I whispered to her how sorry I was . She didn 't hear me of course . They say that the bitterest tears shed over a grave are for words left unsaid . I took Milo and left . The next day she was gone , I stood in her room . Her bed was stripped and all her belongings were gone . Photographs of her now seem ancient , moments frozen in time . I am now part of her legacy . I hope and pray that I will learn from her mistakes and live my life well . In September last year , just a few days after my birthday , my Grandmother took a tumble down a step ( that was only about 2 inches high ) and broke her hip . We had been forced to moved to a new house as the farm my parents had lived on for the past seven years was sold . The move sent my grandmother in a continuous downward spiral and we thought things couldn 't get any worse . . . until that fall . After that life became unbearable for all of us . She had to have surgery and was in hospital for a month . Our entire family and extended family took turns in sitting with her in hospital to comfort her and remind her every few minutes where she was , what had happened and prevent her from trying to get up or pulling her catheter out . I sat staring at her not being able to offer any words of support other than the stereotypical cheesy stuff when it was absolutely necessary . My Mom was unhappy with the care she was receiving at the hospital and brought her home early . That day was one of the worst days of my life . It was just me and Georgina and the amount of care my grandmother needed was overwhelming . That fall shot any sanity my grandmother had left . When she came home from the hospital we had to put her in nappies / diapers because she was incontinent . Her vocabulary were severely compromised but that didn 't stop her talking in a continuous monotonous voice from the moment she woke up until she went to bed . The only talking she ever did was in the form of some very weird prayers or calling my mother . That was on a good day on a bad day she would shout and scream continuously . The talking alone drove us up the wall . Even though her leg healed very well , Alzheimer 's had started to claim her motor skills and she was confined to a wheelchair , only being able to walk very short distances with a walker . She screamed every time we moved the wheelchair and taking her in the car was impossible because it was " To fast " and she was afraid we were going to crash . My Grandmother never slept . She had no concept of time or of night or day . My Mom had to eventually start sleeping with her because she was so terrified of being alone and would try to get out of bed . She had several panic attacks a day but my Mom was hesitant about putting her on medication because she didn 't want her to get addicted . Though , I understand where my poor Mom was coming from the whole thing was absolutely ridiculous . Eventually one night after I found her in bed choking and hyperventilating which resulted in us having to call an ambulance , my Mom relented and my Grandmother was put on a sleeping pill and sedatives , providing a little relief ( and some more sleep ) for all of us . Whether it was because of the drugs or the disease she began having hallucinations . She had entered her own world never to return to the real one . If you told her something that she was seeing wasn 't there it was like she either wouldn 't hear you or comprehend you and just went on talking about the strange imaginary place she was in . The doctor put her on medicine they use treat people with schizophrenia , which I found odd but it didn 't make any difference any way . She hasn 't been as aggressive as most Alzheimer 's patients but she has tried to take a few socks and slaps at my Mom . The worst was when I found her trying to strangle Milo - he and jumped in her lap and frightened her , when I walked in I was so horrified I grabbed him away from her and slapped her hand hard . She then told my Dad I had tried to kill her . Her final obsession was with my Dad . His name was always in her mind and in the last few months she has called for him continuously throughout the day . At first she was convinced he was her husband ( something my Dad did not take very kindly ) . Then to her , everyone she saw was " my Dad " whether or not they were even male or female . The saddest part was when she finally forgot who my Mom was and stopped calling her by her name . I think because she always heard me call my Mother , " Mom " , she started to do that too . My Mom would not accept this until the day when my Grandmother was crying and saying over and over again , " Where is my mother ? , I want my mother ! " , my Mom gave in , knelt down next to her and said , " I am your Mother " . My Grandmother then cried over and over again , " Oh thank you ! , thank you ! " . They say that with Alzheimer 's patients , the happiest memories go last and this was true for my Grandmother . Her very last memories to go were those of her childhood and when she was at boarding school . My Mom tried to talk to her as much as she could about those days , hoping she would be spared a while long with those happy treasures in her hands . But ultimately , my Grandmother would wake up every morning having lost more of what little memory she had left . And so we watched as every last thread of her life slipped away and she became a stranger to us and us to her . It is very difficult to convey in words how horrendous the last year has been . Our family , my parents in particular , have faced many trails in their lives but very few of them can compare to this . What we have watched happen is truly frightening . Torture is the best way to describe the emotional impact it has had on us and the toil it has taken on our lives . Our entire lives revolved around my Grandmother and her care . We had very little freedom . We could never go out as a family and if one of us was out it could only be for a few hours because someone was on duty at home and needed to be relieved . It was worse for my mother - for the past year she has been house bound . It has had a different impact on me . Of course I was to busy with my damn revenge to notice that someone who loved me my whole life and nurtured me ( in her tedious , bossy way ) , was slipping away . But there were moments when the pain of what was happening would lash at me . Watching Little B running to her Great - Grandmother arms wide open only to get pushed away because she thought Little B was attacking her . And then seeing my Mom cry because she missed her mother so much - she was there but she wasn 't at the same time . My Dad used to say that the person we had in our house was no longer my Grandmother and that she had left us some time ago . As harsh as that sounds he was right . And where did all my hatred get me ? . Well it got me nowhere . It was useless . It just made me more miserable and more of a liability to my Mom instead of an asset when she desperately needed help . I felt bitter because I had gotten nowhere . I 'm still angry at my Grandmother but how is that benefiting me ? . It 's funny how human beings see holding on to anger as doing them some sort of justice when they have been scorned . In the end no one cares and it 's like going around in a circle . I 'm not sure when my Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer 's . Honestly it feels to me like she has always had it . And living with someone who is afflicted with this condition is heartbreaking as well as being pure hell . Because of the recession in 2009 I could no longer afford to live and study on my own . I moved out of Cape Town and back in with my parents . . . . and my grandmother . My Mom still had her own business then and would work long hours . My Dad would work from home in an outside office . The care of my grandmother was left up to a lady that my Mom originally hired to do cleaning . She was very good with my grandmother and would cook for her and take care of her during the day while taking care of the house . Soon though my grandmother started to become more and more of a full time job . We had a cat back then who my grandmother became obsessed with ( a commonality in Alzheimer 's patients ) . If the cat wasn 't within her line of vision she would panic , she tried to follow this cat wherever she went ( and if you own a cat you know that this is impossible ) . If the cat did anything like " meow " or role around or ANYTHING she took as a sign that the cat had to be hungry and would get furious at all of us , accusing us of starving the cat . At least once an hour there was a blow up with her about the cat . The worst was when the cat went off somewhere as cats do , my grandmother would leave the house and go and try to find her . My parents lived on an apple farm and this happened several times a day and either Georgina , myself or my Dad would have to go out and frantically look for her . Then she would start accusing any stranger she came across of stealing the cat . And then came the day when she claimed that our cat . . . . was not our cat . At night her obsession switched to the locking of doors . After she went to bed she never slept as she was up and down all night checking that all the doors were locked . Of course she would always forget that she had already checked and keep on checking all night . Soon she started waking us up at night " Wondering where everybody was " . She needed help with dressing , bathing and eventually going to the toilet . She was terrified of being alone and always afraid of some impending doom . She would work herself up into into a crazy state that would always end in her crying hysterically . Her balance was effected and we constantly had to watch her to make sure she didn 't harm herself . And then of course , there was her mental state . It probably sounds petty when I say that her repeating the same thing over and over again or the 50 million questions she would ask . . . by breakfast , was irritating . But just imagine having to hear the same line over and over and over again knowing that telling them to shut the hell up would have no effect what so ever AND you actually couldn 't even get angry because it would agitate their mental state even more ? . Well . . . I 'm sure that 's how my Mom must have felt . I didn 't let it stop me from screaming my lungs out besides , it me feel better . Even if she would be beside herself once I had calmed down . Throughout all of this I was horrible to her . I hated her . I kept thinking , " After being a constant intrusion in our lives you had to go ahead and become a burden too " . I didn 't care that she was afraid and confused and suffering . I just cared about venting all the anger I had held inside of me for years . If I wasn 't ignoring her , I was yelling at her . I called her a " A demented old cow " and " A senile old woman " . I resented her always having to tag along when my Mom and I were out together . My Mom may have been able to control how I spoke to her when I was little but not now . This lead to many fights between my mother and I which of course made me even more angry . But even through her dementia my Grandmother still managed to retain her good qualities . After any attack I had made on her the disease would have her promptly forget that anything had happened . But the unhappiness remained . She was unhappy and she didn 't know why . Knowing my Grandmother she probably thought it was because of something she had done . She would seek me out and want to hug me and love me . This made me feel like the worst person ever born on God 's green earth and I would try to get away . My grandmother may not have been able to rescue me from my abuse but she was always there to comfort me . When it was my turn to do the same I failed her I did nothing but make her suffering worse . The full implications of that haven 't hit me yet but they will eventually . I will have to deal with what I did for the rest of my life . The changes were so small at first that probably she even didn 't notice it . Trying to recall a name , a date , what she had done the previous day . Then she would forget where she put something , leave the bath water on until it was overflowing . Burn food on the stove or in the oven because she forgot it was there . Then these changes became slowly visible to those closest to her . My grandmother did a lot of the house work . When she put dishes away no one could ever find them because they were not in their usual place . She would clean up and put stuff away and we wouldn 't see them for months . Then she couldn 't remember which month we were in and then which year . Right after the fire it was decided that my disabled aunt should go to a home . My grandmother had looked after her for over 40 years . Since my grandmother had reached her 70 's she started to have difficulty managing . Once my aunt was in the home my grandmother visited almost every afternoon . Soon she deteriorated to the point where she was actually forgetting to go and see my aunt . And when she got to the home , she was never able to find my aunt 's room and would get lost . Despite this she still continued to go whenever she could . My grandmother had a weird habit of always falling asleep during movies or during the sermon in church . But soon all she had to do is sit down for five minutes and she would fall asleep right then . One time she was holding a cup of hot tea , fell asleep and let go of the mug , pouring the scalding liquid into her lap . A fracture to her arm and a bout of hepatitis only seemed to worsen her memory . We all just thought that it was all part of age . But then she was forgetting people 's names and eventually couldn 't remember the names of those living with her without some prompting . She couldn 't find her clothes or her medication . She would make us multiple cups of tea forgetting that she had already made the tea . Then she forgot how to tell the time . There were huge fights because my Mom did not want my grandmother to do housework anymore but my grandmother refused to give up anything that she saw as her duties . Having to constantly look for things made us all angry . When I moved to England at the age of 20 my parents had moved to a house on an apple farm . Although my grandmother 's memory was pretty shot she was still able to do basic things for herself and it was fine to leave her alone in the house for a few hours . The Christmas before I left I realised that something serious was wrong with my grandmother and that it was not simple forgetfulness . I had taken my grandmother shopping for presents for my Mom and Dad . That was the Christmas it snowed on the mountains ( despite it being SUMMER in South Africa ) so I settled her next to the heater in her room with a cup tea and went to my room to wrap presents . It must have been 5 or 6 times in the space of 30 minutes that she burst into my room panicking that she had not bought a present for my Mom . Not only did this mean that she had forgotten the entire day 's events but she was forgetting what I was telling her 3 minutes after I had spoken to her . When I said goodbye to my grandmother at the airport , she held me tight crying almost silently pleading me not to go . When I returned 3 and a half years later , she greeted me as though I was a stranger . She had been told over and over again who I was and she was very kind and polite . But her association of me , her memories of me , her love for a grand daughter had disappeared . While I was overseas I had gotten updates here and there of her slow decline . I spoke to her quite a few times , normally my Mom would be prompting her the background . But I missed most of it and I came home to find her drastically changed . So , you would think that in these circumstances I would have nothing but compassion for her . Well you are wrong . . . this is where the pure evil of me came out . I returned to South Africa in 2007 a completely different person . A terrifying , horrific mental breakdown 6 months before and ripped everything that I was and everything that I had known and believed in to shreds . The past which I had worked so long to suppress was now demanding to be acknowledged and dealt with . My grandmother had now conveniently forgotten everything but I still remembered it all with a sharp sting as though it had happened yesterday . Now because she was so weak and had forgotten everything that happened , she was an innocent little lamb . I couldn 't confront her , I wasn 't allowed . Those fights that we had had in the past were no longer acceptable ( not that they were acceptable in the first place ) and were actually dangerous for her mental state . So I just had to button it and . . . forgive . I 'm sure some people can relate when I say it is impossible to forgive someone when you are fulled with such black rage that you could be motivated to kill a person if it came down to it . I had no way to express this rage , no chance for an absolution . I just had to " hold it " and as my mother LOVES to say , " Forget about the past " . I couldn 't hold it . . . someone had to pay for what was done to me and because my grandmother had no way of fighting back now didn 't mean I couldn 't get some revenge . My grandmother had an older brother - my great uncle , whom I loved and adored . This is what is so ironic to me . Those personality traits I hated in my grandmother - her vanity , racism , sexism , prejudice and controlling personality were even worse in my great Uncle . Except for the vanity . I can 't understand it or explain it but he should have been even more of a irritant , but I was able to look past all of his flaws and saw him as a surrogate grandfather . He was a hugely charismatic man with a larger than life personality and loud booming voice . He would sweep my sister and I up into tight hugs and kiss the tops of our heads over and over . He listened to us intently , prayed over us and told us long stories . The best way I can describe him is that he knew what all your bad traits were but he focused only on what was good . He was one of the first people ( along with my Mom ) who looked past my cold steel exterior and saw a treasure . My great uncle was unbelievably strong while my grandmother was weak and I think it was because of how they were raised . He was raised to be a man and lead a legacy . She was raised to serve and produce children without asking any questions . If she had been given half the chance I think my grandmother had the potential to do great things . But she was a woman . In 1996 one single event set off a chain reaction of which the tragic consequences we are dealing with today . My Mom had taken my sister and I to school , my Dad was away and my grandmother was alone in our house fixing breakfast for herself and my disabled aunt . Smoke suddenly began billowing from down the passage , she ran to the room she shared with my aunt to find that a heater had short - circuited and caught alight . The surrounding area and the edge of my aunt 's bed had begun to burn . Despite being someone that was prone to severe panicking what she did was truly remarkable . She lifted my Aunt off the bed , put her in her wheelchair and raced her out into the lounge . Then she went back into the room threw several blankets over the burning heater picked the whole blazing mess up and dumped it outside . She again ran back into the room and threw her bedding over everything else that was burning . My Mom came home to find my grandmother with black hair , hands burnt raw and sobbing uncontrollably because the house had almost burnt down and it was her " fault " . We were truly blessed that day , what could have been a horrible accident was saved because of God 's mercy and my grandmother 's bravery and quick thinking . We went on with our lives much more thankful but what we didn 't know was that a silent switch and been flipped by an invisible hand . Over the next ten years we witnessed a transformation that would shock us all to the core . From the outside my grandmother appeared to be a sweet innocent old lady . Everyone liked her . Despite the fact that she was a argumentative menace to everyone in my family they loved her very much . No one else feels this way towards her except for me . I can tell you if anyone in my family had to read what I am writing they would be shocked , angry and disgusted . I guess they should be . It feels like a law against nature to hate your own grandmother . My grandmother made sure she always knew what was going on with everyone in the family . She would watch , listen . . . eavesdrop outside closed doors . Because she made sure that she knew about everything that went on she knew more about my abuse than anyone else . I still feel like it 's a crime to say that I was emotionally and physically abused . She knew what my Dad did to me , she watched and listened . She would always be there in the background or around the corner . The worst is I knew she knew what was going on was terribly wrong . I could see it in her face . Whether it was because she was once an abused woman herself , or because she believed that my Dad , was the head of the house and my father , she should not interfere or she was just in denial I don 't know . But she was the one person who knew that I desperately needed help and she choose not to do anything . And here is where her " good quality " comes in . After being beaten she was always there holding me , washing the tears and sweat away from my face , tying up my hair and putting me to bed , all the while cursing my father . It was like being given time in a boxing ring and going into the corner for water and a pep talk before being sent back . It was a blessing to have that comfort after all those horrific episodes . I really should be grateful because the majority of kids that are abused have no one . But it just made me hate her even more . She was just there to listen and see and then comfort . Never to help . And so for years it continued , each time it occurred it sliced away at my soul and took away more of the person I was meant to be . By just typing that last post , digging deep into the crevices of my families history fulled me with anger and bitter resentment . The stupidity of some of those people . . . . . ( my family members ) astounds me . I am just showing you the ugly side of things . In truth my family in those days were like the American South before the civil war . There were great adventures , grand parties , unbelievable stories of wealth and luxury and eccentric personalities . Growing up my sister and I often felt like we had come late to some big party . We came when all the fun had been had and everyone was suffering from one big hangover . For the first 18 months of my life it was just my Mom and I . My Dad was always away on business . Other than a few visits by a church friend and my half - brother and half - sister my Mom and I were each other 's only companions . Within two months , I had a new baby sister , had moved countries and was living in a massive old house with . . . . both my parents , my sister , my aunt , my two cousins ( my aunt hadn 't really figured that sex gets you pregnant ) , my disabled aunt and both my divorced grandparents . My half - brother and half - sister were soon dropped into the mix . One big happy family . I don 't think you 'd be surprised if I told you I became a rather disturbed baby . Plus there seemed to be something " funny " about the house we lived in . My Mom thought there were evil spirits living there . I don 't know , but throughout our time living there I would wake up most nights screaming in terror . My Mom , exasperated , sleep - deprived and under pressure from my Dad would resort to spankings to get me to stop . I can still remember this . I also suffered from a series of freak accidents - falling down the stars , burning myself , the worst was when I chopped my pinkie off my left hand and had to have it sewn back on . Because I went from being a little angel to a child possessed by the devil by Mom left the care of my younger sister to my grandmother while she focused on me . Because of this I think my sister became my grandmother 's favorite . I didn 't have much to do with my grandmother back then but I remember resenting her presence . My Mom would tell me one thing and she would disagree and tell me to do another thing . Life to her was all about acting " proper " . She fought openly with my Dad and spoke horribly about him behind his back and in front of me . My grandmother has lived with my parents for most of the time I have been alive . With the exception of two years where my Dad - in an attempt to get some peace and quiet - rented her a flat half an hour away . Whenever we had to move there was never a question of whether or not she would come with us . It was always assumed . Because she was always there my sister and I always had to share a room . Once the two of us got older and it became obvious that our sharing a room was actually dangerous , we would convert any space in the house we could find , a dinning room etc into a room for my grandmother . Having grown up in South Africa , during apartheid and especially in a farming community , it was only natural that my grandmother was extremely racist and prejudiced . She would talk about people of a different ethnic race - particularly blacks - as though they were the plague and would refer to them in the most derogatory terms . Before Nelson Mandela was realised from prison in 1990 she had me shit - scared of the man and convinced me he was going to kill all the whites . My grandmother was prejudiced in that if a person looked or dressed a certain way for example they had certain personality traits . Nothing could sway her on this even if the person she was speculating on turned out to be the exact opposite . To add to this sparkling impression I have created , my grandmother was also horribly sexist . Woman were there to get married and pop kids , working was a man 's job . Women had to do certain " things " to ensure they got married . It horrified her that I did not want to get married or have children . Her advice on actual marriage was even more absurd . . . , " You must get pregnant three to six months after your wedding . . . . " . Everything I have mentioned above created the groundwork for a very toxic relationship . The older I got the more my grandmother intruded into my life and tried to force her ideals on me . She constantly contradicted my mother and father and believing herself in charge would tell my sister and I what to do . By the time I reached my teens I couldn 't stand her . She fulled me with so much rage that it was hard to remain respectful . I would constantly get into trouble and be punished for the way I treated her . Which obviously fuelled my resentment more . We couldn 't get through a day without having two or three fights . Sometime the rage would get so bad it almost got to me slapping her . The worst I ever did was violently push the car seat when she was sitting in front of me . I would yell things at her like " You 're an old crone ! " or " Old hag ! " . Particularly in my late teens I treated her very very badly . If I had been a decent person back then I would have noticed that her age was weakening her , while I was getting stronger . All I cared about was that I was finally winning all those fights ! . This post has been on my heart and nagging at my mind for quite a few months . And because of the events happening in my household in the coming week , I think that it is finally time to put this to rest . Since it is so long I am dividing it up into a few parts . When I started this blog I made a promise to myself that no matter what I choose to write , it would be honest and NOT exaggerated as I admit I have the tendency to do . I admit that sometimes my wanting people to like me and sympathize with me stopped me from writing about certain things . That was until recently . I 'm not sure why I am choosing to write about this situation . . . I might be able to tell you later upon reflection . Here is my warning : There is a very good side to me I won 't go into that but I hope that some of you have been able to see that through my writing . BUT there is also a very terrible , evil side to me . I could make an excuse and say that I got this from my father , some of that is true . But mostly I picked this up all by myself . Basically I can be the most cold - hearted , conniving , selfish bitch alive . It 's true . I have hurt people beyond repair , plotted how to destroy and bring someone down . I make Sami Brady look sweet . Here 's why , I will tell you the story of my grandmother . My grandmother was born into a well - to - do farming family in South Africa in 1927 . This family owned most of the farming land outside of Kimberly . She had a happy , carefree childhood as far as I know , she was very close with her brothers and adored her father - I have heard so much about how wonderful this man was from everyone who knew him . She went to boarding school as soon as she was old enough , as was necessary for children of farming families . My grandmother graduated high school and then went home to live with her parents where she basically waited around to be married - this was also the custom for young South African women in those days as most trades were closed to them . My grandmother was a very beautiful young woman and she didn 't have to wait long before many suitors came to call , most of them were from very wealthy families and had very lucrative careers . She could have had any man she wanted but for some reason she choose a frizzy - haired , google - eyed man who was well known for being a slacker living off his wealthy parents . His one achievement in life , is that he had learnt how to fly . He would have made an excellent pilot but being indisposed to working , choose to fool around in his one engine aeroplane instead . Legend has it he won my grandmother 's heart when he landed his plane in her backyard and came to ask her to a country dance . My great - grandparents were against the match from the start , they tried to reason , they begged and pleaded but nothing would sway my grandmother from accepting my grandfather 's hand in marriage . As my great - grandparents loved my grandmother very much and did not want to loose her , they organised her a massive , lavish wedding . 500 guests were there . We still have her dress to this day , although only my sister can fit into it . She must have looked breathtaking . It must have been a sad day for my great - grandparents . Their years had provided them with wisdom to know that their precious only daughter was doomed . Within three months my grandmother was pregnant with my aunt , who was born just before their first wedding anniversary . My mother ( in my opinion the best thing that ever happened to both of them ) was born two years later . Two year after that my grandmother was pregnant again and struggling with terrible morning sickness . She went to the doctor and he prescribed some pills . Trusting that doctor turned out to be the biggest mistake of her life . My aunt was born with a portion of her brain missing . She was blind , horribly retarded and had numerous deformities . I can 't imagine the guilt my grandmother must have carried for the rest of her life . They were told to put my aunt into an institution and forget about her . But my grandparents refused , brought her home where she was loved and adored . They suffered a lot of stigmatising because of this . My grandfather who would avoid working by any means possible demanded his inheritance from his mother and took the family to America where they lived off of the inheritance as well as buying cars , a big house , a speed boat and of course an aeroplane . Things were very good for a while . My Mom dropped out of university to spend a year travelling through Europe . Even though this had to be the dumbest decision she ever made , I 'm glad that she had this time to herself and freedom . She needed it because of the life that awaited her ( that 's a whole other story ) . Then my aunt got pregnant by a married man ( Another " I love you , I 'll leave my wife " story , which of course he didn 't ) and things began to go pair - shaped . The money ran out and they were destitute . My grandfather who had been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive toward my grandmother since the beginning of their marriage turned into a violent drunk . I have only just recently realised how this abuse affected my mother . She got beaten too . Most of the time it was while trying to defend my grandmother . If I had known this while he was still alive I would have slapped the living daylights out of him . You will not believe how much I HATE this man . My Mom went straight from Europe to America where she worked to help support the family . She became a surrogate mother to her niece , my cousin ( little B 's mother , who I love very , very much even though I want to kill her sometimes ) . My Mom eventually met and married my Dad ( biggest mistake of her life in my opinion ) . Through the influence of my Mom and my grandmother 's brother she was persuaded to return to South Africa with my disabled aunt and divorce my grandfather ( best thing my grandmother ever did . . . worst thing that happened to my grandfather ) . I was born in 1983 in Texas . In 1985 just two months before my sister was born , my Mom returned to South Africa with my Dad . All my Mom wanted was for her family to be together again and to take car of them . She persuaded my Dad to leave a pretty good life in America and come to South Africa to start new . What they weren 't banking on was all the extra luggage . . . in the form of my half - brother and later my half - sister . She had dreams of us all eventually living in a massive house together , which was beyond nuts . It was the biggest relief for my grandmother when my mother returned to South Africa . My grandmother had worked hard for her family but she had always been taken care of . She had never lived on her own , never went to college , never had a job . All she knew was how to be a wife and a mother . When she divorced my grandfather she was at a loss . It was assumed by her and my mother that she would move in with the family and she thought she 'd resume her role as wife and mother . There was just one problem . My Dad was not her husband and my sister , half - sister , half - brother and I were not her children . More over my mother was no longer a child . That aspect was the root of many serious problems we had with my grandmother . Instead of realising that she was no longer the one in charge but the support system she grasped desperately to the only part she knew how to play , causing resentment , fighting and the eventual breakdown of relationships . I never saw her as a grandMore to come . . . . . I don 't know when exactly Milo was born but we are estimating that it was the end of December / beginning of January this year . His mother had back to back litters in a hole under the farm workshop . I heard that the kittens from the litter before Milo 's had suffered cruel fate which I won 't go into . It seems that fate literally dropped him into our laps - how strange that we happened to be driving on the same road at the exact same time Milo 's mother was carrying him across . We had actually meant to be home earlier that day but were delayed for some reason I can 't remember . I was told to take him because they shoot stray cats on the farm where I live because they rent some of their land to an organic chicken farm . How anyone could shoot a kitten is beyond me and I became furious and told the farm manager that he was to bring any stray cats to me and I would take them to the SPCA . I threatened to lay charges and go to our local newspaper . I think he found that more funny than threatening but obviously I must of made an impression because he started to feed Milo 's mother and her remaining kittens . As far as I know they are still hanging out at his house but they are feral and he plans to take them to the SPCA once he has tamed them . We have also seen a cat that we are sure is Milo 's father - he has exactly the same colouring . This cat has to be one of the most enormous cats I have ever seen . Comparing Milo with his siblings , he was almost twice their size . So this is going to be one BIG kitty that we 'll have on our hands . It 's only once I looked at the photo 's I have been taking of him over these past months that I realise now how much he has grown . When he started out his ears looked to big for his face . He is now going through what I hope is just a phase of being really aggressive - attacking people 's feet with no warning . It feels like we are disciplining a two year old . |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
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