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Posted on May 9 , 2012 by elizabeth 8 I 'm tinkering with a nonfiction book idea . By that I mean , I have a book in mind that I 'd like to write , and in fact have written bits and pieces of it and collected some research for it , but I have yet to find the right voice , tone and format to tell the story I 'd like to tell . I have a long history of getting overwhelmed when attempting longer work , partly because of the sheer volume of information that one needs to research , sift through , organize , and access while writing . Then there 's the organization of the writing itself ; will an outline help , or maybe chapter summaries , or should I just wing it ? And then there are the technological and logistical choices : Can I store all of my research within Scrivner , and also write a draft in the same program ? Will I like that method ? Maybe I should use Word , and keep my background info in PDF files . Maybe I will go old school and print all my research out and organize it into a giant binder that I will lug everywhere I go to reference as I am writing … ? So it was with the utmost respect that I read about Robert Caro 's writing routine in the New York Times last weekend , because Caro seems to have a methodical , precise , and disciplined approach to producing books . Caro is a biographer , and his fourth volume in a series about Lyndon Johnson has just been released . Yep , you read that right : four volumes - 36 years and 3 , 888 pages . This most recent book is 712 pages . You can imagine how much information Caro has acquired in his research of LBJ to produce four lengthy volumes on the subject . You might not imagine that Caro does not use a computer . That 's right , the man has produced thousands of pages of meticulously researched nonfiction without a computer . The NYT , along with a Q & A on how Robert Caro spends his days , posted a slideshow titled " Robert Caro 's Painstaking Process . " Caro 's process includes walking to an office he maintains ( not in his home ) . He wears a suit to " work " : Caro has written all the drafts of his books longhand , on legal pads . " He doesn 't start typing - on an old Smith Corona Electra 210 , not a computer - until he has finished four or five handwritten drafts . And then he rewrites the typescript . " Caro maintains a " master outline " on a large bulletin board which , from the photos , it appears he marks up with a pen , or perhaps crosses sections out once he 's completed them . He monitors revisions with a proof of the table of contents that he turns into a checklist and posts on the same pinboard . All of his notes / research are in filing cabinets . I 'm impressed by this process in part because of its old - fashioned , computerless nature , but also because of its a ) success and b ) meticulousness ( at least from outward appearances ) . In our future - is - now technologically advanced times , I suppose it 's easy to view handwritten drafts as romantic in some way , but I have had a fascination with Caro 's type of process for a while now . The fascination stems from the fact that as a person who grew up pre - Internet , this used to be my process . I wrote all of my college papers this way , by hand first , followed by a second or third draft that came about as I was typing my handwritten version into a computer . I sometimes miss that process for the absoluteness of the concentration it generated . There was a lot less mental background noise , and a lot more focus . It 's hard not to contemplate , as I struggle with whether to use Scrivener or Word , and as I battle my own will to try to refrain from using the Internet in the midst of a writing session , or as I try to figure out ( for the 50th time ) how any writing program 's outline function works , how much time I spend working on technology rather than working on writing . There is a separation that 's happened , a lot more background noise , that forces more distance between my thoughts and what I write . In any case , Caro 's process is one to think of when you find yourself spending a morning organizing electronic files , or importing documents into Scrivener ( or whatever writing program you use ) or having to turn on Mac Freedom . Not because anyone 's process is any better than anyone else 's , but because sometimes technology has a way of making certain things seem important , when all that really matters is the writing that gets done every day . Posted on November 17 , 2011 by elizabeth 7 The November / December issue of Poets & Writers magazine contains a motivating piece by Bay Area novelist Ellen Sussman about her daily writing practices . ( Alas , not available online . ) I 'm always intrigued by the different ways in which writers approach their work - some people write at night , some in the morning , some can 't eat while writing , some must snack all the way through a writing session . Ahem . Some write longhand , some type on a computer . ( One of my favorite descriptions of writing process is that of Truman Capote , who wrote lying down , sipping coffee or sherry , depending on the time of day ) I was at a Litquake panel on the art of the novel last month in which author Bharati Mukherjee said she writes a first draft of her novel on a laptop , closes the file and does not refer to or open it again while she writes a second draft . She does the same thing for a third draft , essentially writing the novel from scratch three times ! She did not , she said , recommend that method . If you embrace that statement , then you can begin to develop the practice of writing . You go to work everyday . You sit your butt in a chair … and you put in your hours just like everyone else who goes to work . I know this , of course , but I haven 't been doing it , or acting like writing is my job , which I very much would like it to be . Even if you have a full - time job and a houseful of kids , Sussman writes , you have to commit , even if it 's only to one hour a day . " It 's your other job - your writing job - and you can 't neglect it . Do it . You 're a writer . " Sussman goes on to describe her writing days ( 5 - 6 days a week , every week ) . She sets working hours ( 9am - noon ) and a word count minimum ( 1 , 000 ) . If she doesn 't hit her minimum , she goes back to her desk after lunch . She meditates for 5 - 10 minutes before she begins and blocks the Internet with Mac Freedom for the 3 hours she 's supposed to be writing . You do nothing but write . You don 't stop writing . Then , no matter where you are at the 45 - minute mark , you get up from your desk . You take a 15 - minute break and you do something that lets you think about the work but doesn 't allow you to actually do the work . Sussman says she waters her garden or puts in a load of laundry , for example . She doesn 't check email or make calls or do other writing - related work . After the 15 minutes are up , when she 's back at her desk for the next unit of time , she sees that her unconscious mind has been working over her material and she 's full of new ideas . The 15 - minute breaks allow for physical rest from the computer , too , and a way to get through your writing when you have a tough day ( only 30 more minutes and I get a break ! ) Because of this schedule , Sussman writes in her article , " If I have to rewrite a hundred pages of the novel , I know that I can do it in a month . I don 't despair as I would if I wrote a couple of pages one day and a couple of pages a week later . " So efficient ! She says her writing practice allows her to take risks , since if it doesn 't work out , " I sit my butt down the very next day and start over . " Posted on July 14 , 2011 by elizabeth 7 I had to take my car into the shop the other morning and ended up riding the No . 1 bus downtown to work , instead of my usual , numbing underground train route . The crowded bus ride ( for without fail , the No . 1 bus is always crowded ) over Nob Hill and through Chinatown brought me back to when I first moved to San Francisco 11 years ago . I used to live on the dodgy downward slope of Nob Hill , and I often rode that bus to work . Some days - sunny days - I walked , because I could not believe I lived in such a place . The Edwardian architecture , the glimpses of sparkling blue between the blocks , the squeals of the cable car and the calls of merchants in Chinatown selling their wares - my living here felt impossible and dreamlike . The other day , when I pushed my way into the packed aisle I remembered the smell of that bus , and I suppose it was the olfactory memory that made me pensive . It took me a few moments to identify the sharp tang of ginseng . When the smell became recognizable , I longed to write the sentence : The bus smelled of ginseng . And then I had an epiphany of sorts : I should be writing about San Francisco . Why am I not writing about San Francisco ? The novel / stories I have been writing for the past year take place in the Maryland / Washington DC area . They take place in two different time periods , neither of which is the present . Why am I making things so hard on myself ? is what I thought as I clutched the handstrap and the bus lurched over Nob Hill to the financial district . We passed Grace Cathedral and its maze for walking meditation . We passed the dinginess of the Stockton Tunnel , and the fruit markets along the sidewalk on the edge of Chinatown , with their makeshift cardboard signs all in Chinese . I wanted to get out and look , and to write . ( Alas , I had to get to work . ) Now of all times , I thought , when I am juggling work and being a parent and on any given day who knows what other obligations , I should be writing about this place , about the present , or at least a not - so - distant past that I have lived through and remember . I should not be writing about a place that 's a 6 - hour plane ride away , that I don 't get to visit freely for research because whenever I am there I am also tending to a 2 - year - old who does not have any interest in long car rides and visits to libraries . I should not be writing about a time period that requires a lot of research , research that my local public library cannot help me with , because its historical collection is focused on the West Coast , not the East . I should not be writing about a place that is so small and obscure that detailed research requires buying books that are out of print or are $ 45 and only come in hardback . A few posts back , I mentioned an article in which an LA Times TV critic offers her 10 - step guide to being a working mother and writing a novel . No . 10 on her list ? Realistic expectations . 10 . Realistic expectations . I suppose there is someone out there who could write the Great American Novel while working full time and raising three kids , but I 'm not her . My two books are Hollywood mysteries , which I didn 't have to research because I have written about the industry for years . I think they are very good books , well - written and fun to read , but they aren 't going to win a Pulitzer . That will have to wait until the kids head to college . That is perhaps the scariest of McNamara 's suggestions . If you are a perfectionist , as many writers consider themselves to be , this is some hard advice to swallow . But there 's something to be said for being realistic , for making things easier on yourself . After all , writing a book is hard enough without putting unnecessary obstacles in your path . I know , it doesn 't do to compare yourself to other writers who work in different , seemingly better ways . And by better , I mean , more productive . Comparisons only lead down a path of guilt , self - disgust , writer 's block , etc , etc . But I digress . This working mom , Mary McNamara , offered a list of 10 things that need to happen in order to successfully juggle work , motherhood , writing , and the rest of your life . ( If indeed there is one . ) The list is , I think , both motivational and sobering , and not just for writing moms and dads but for anyone who happens to be juggling other roles in their lives while attempting a writing career . Some of McNamara 's guidelines are fairly obvious : Have a laptop , for example , because you as a busy , working parent don 't have time to write longhand , then type it up , and you 'll be writing in various locations such as cafes , your kids ' ball games , the car , etc . Other suggestions are less obvious : Be discreet about what you are doing , because talking about writing a book and writing a book are completely different things . It 's not like I haven 't heard this advice before . Of course you have to write every day , is what I thought as I read the piece . And then I saw it . My inability to stick to writing every day had landed me where I am these days , which is , well … nowhere in particular . I have started a novel ( or two ? ) and written several short stories in the past few months . Some of them I 've completed , some of them I have not . In the past two months , I 've written almost nothing , and have even lost track of what my most current project is / should be . It happens that I have recently resolved to get more exercise . My workout routine has gone much the way of my writing routine . I go to the gym once or twice in a week , then miss the next week , or multiple weeks . McNamara is right - skipping a day or two , or a week or two , means it 's all over . I have just as much trouble getting back to working out , and getting back to the fitness level I was in before , as I do getting back to my writing when I 've been away from it . So what 's the fix ? I have grown accustomed to giving myself a lot of slack in recent months . And by slack , I mean making excuses . You 're doing the best you can , is what I frequently tell myself when I let my daily life take over my writing life or my workout routine . You have a kid to take care of , a dog to walk , work to do , a relationship to maintain , dinner to cook , sleep to get , etc . etc . After reading that piece , and after trying to run at the gym for the first time in months , and after sitting down to write today and not being able to remember what project I was last working on , I see that I have not been doing the best that I can . McNamara writes that she arranged with her husband to write at night , while he put the kids to bed . She cut out a lot of other activities . There are plenty of moments when I have been lounging about on the couch in the past few months ( or years ) , in the evening , after my son has been put to bed , and I 've been doing nothing in particular , which is to say , I 've been watching TV and / or reading headlines and checking Facebook and Twitter on my iPhone . I have been telling myself , when my guilt about not writing or blogging or doing whatever else makes itself known , is that I am doing so many things during the day that I deserve these few hours of nothingness . In truth , some days I do need a bit of nothingness . But not every day . I could be writing during those times , is what I thought when I read McNamara 's article . And so . I see now that writing every day involves breaking out of habits as much as developing new ones . It means snapping out of laziness and a cycle of excuses . And , toughest of all , it 's about being a hardass about making writing a priority , not something you can set aside because a preschool event has come up , or because you need to buy groceries , or because you feel like doing nothing instead . Writing , if you 're serious , is not a special hobby you get to when you 've cleared your to - do list of everything else . Posted on April 19 , 2011 by elizabeth 13 As you are probably aware , I have been battling numerous life events that keep coming between me and writing . A seemingly endless number of viruses wiped out the whole household this winter . And there have been lots of visitors and houseguests . Travel , while inspiring and a nice change of pace , tends to destroy my writing routine more than either sickness or guests . There 's more travel coming , and , starting in a week or so , I 'll be filling in a couple of days a week at the newspaper where I used to work as a reporter and editor . When the routine gets thrown off , it 's hard to remember what I was doing before . I feel totally disconnected from writing . It 's tough to feel any sense of accomplishment when you 're interrupted in your process so much . That 's not to say you 're not accomplishing anything - it just feels like you 're not . Which is why a couple of months ago I starting keeping a journal about writing . I use a fat little turquoise - blue Moleskine datebook . Every day that I do something - anything - related to writing , I make a note of it in the datebook . Yesterday , for example , I noted that I added 767 words to the short story I 've been working on . On April 12 , I recorded that I had written 1 , 000 words on the same story . I write down when I 've written blog posts , too , and what they were about . Not all of my entries detail what I 've written , however . Let 's face it : not every day turns out to be a productive writing day . On March 29 I scribbled that I had submitted a story to two lit mags , and that I researched some quotes from The Great Gatsby to use ( maybe ) in the novel I am ( sometimes ) writing . So I didn 't advance any of my WIPs , but I was still thinking about and working on administrative tasks related to writing . I make notes on the unproductive days too . I want to remind myself that I am trying , that not every day is a perfect writing day . On April 1 , for example : " Tinkered with C _____ story . Added a graph or so . Switched to working on novel . Wrote a new opening graph . Didn 't like it . " The exercise of keeping track of what I am accomplishing ( or not ) related to writing is helping me tremendously . When I have unavoidable breaks in my routine , I am now better able to pick up where I left off , to remind myself that I am accomplishing something , even if it 's only a paragraph or two . I now keep my fat little datebook in my laptop backpack , so it travels with me and my computer to the neighborhood cafe where I do a lot of my writing . Part of the work of being a writer is managing your expectations and reminding yourself of what you 've accomplished so far so that you have the courage to keep going . The journal helps . Posted on April 7 , 2011 by elizabeth 4 I 'm coming out of another fog . And I don 't mean that swirling white clouds are lifting here in San Francisco - it 's quite sunny here at the moment . It 's been another two weeks of sickness and sleep deprivation in my house , which does horrible , terrible things to the writing routine . ( If it can be said that I still have one , after the very unhealthy winter we 've had . ) When I am unable to write , whether physically or mentally , or just because there are too many other life obligations in the way , I become incredibly frustrated . Perversely , lack of quality writing time makes me expect more from the time I do have , and from the project I 'm working on . Which generally results in … you guessed it , nada . Duh . Who can write under those kind of circumstances ? I know I 'm not alone . Christine over at 80 , 000 words posted today that she was frustrated at not having time to work on her novel , but then managed to write in her journal instead , thus fulfilling her need to write in some way . What a great reminder it was to read that ! I put so much pressure on myself in the writing time I do have ( Must . Accomplish . Something . is pretty much what it sounds like in my head . ) that often I end up accomplishing nothing at all , being paralyzed by indecision about WIPs , or just generally ratcheting up my aggravation and anxiety around writing . Not good . In the comments on my last post , Richard , author of the thoughtful blog Narrative , wrote that " being stuck is part of writing " and that " much suffering comes not from the problem but wishing you didn 't have the problem . " To accept the anxiety about writing / not writing is to help yourself move past it . Good advice . It 's not easy to accept your inner turmoil surrounding the way your writing is going ( or not going , as the case may be ) but it is effective if you can come to terms with it . And so , I 'm giving myself permission to work on something else while I have a moment . Sometimes it 's important to acknowledge that you like to write , and just write . Sometimes writing a longer manuscript is less about the writing than about thinking about the writing , or about time passing while your brain processes what you have so far . Sometimes being sick makes you lose your place , your focus , and your routine , and you have to claw your way back to productivity however you can . Posted on March 4 , 2011 by elizabeth 4 I spent the month of January working on a short story that I saw as part of a longer work of fiction . I had some time to think about writing on the plane ride home from AWP , at which time I wrote out , in a notebook , several pages of description / plot outline of the novel I was writing . I 'm writing a novel ! is what I thought . I 'd been thinking and writing about my characters for a while , but suddenly the storyline seemed clear . All I need to do is sit down and write this thing , is what I thought . Instead , something kind of interesting has happened : I started writing nonfiction again . You may remember that for many years I was an avowed nonfiction - and - nonfiction - only sort of writer . I came from a journalism background and couldn 't separate myself from the facts , or so I thought . While enrolled in my MFA program I took 99 . 9 % nonfiction workshops and got mad about James Frey and that woman in my workshop who thought it was " cool " to fictionalize her " memoir . " I felt ( and still do ) that nonfiction is given short shrift in literary circles . On the other hand , I learned that some seventy - something percent of books published are nonfiction . That nonfiction sells ; that as an unpublished writer you have a better chance of getting a nonfiction book out there than a novel , let alone a collection of short stories . I 'm a practical sort , and all of those rules and career possibilities appealed . I wrote a travel memoir for my MFA thesis . I was happy / proud / relieved to have finished it . Then I put it away . Because wow , I was sick of it . I hated it . I did not think it was my best work . A while later I got pregnant and couldn 't ( hormones ? ) write a word . And after the baby was born … it was strange , but I found that I couldn 't write a word that wasn 't fiction . A friend suggested that perhaps reality was suddenly too intense and thus fiction felt more comfortable . Maybe so . I 'm still not sure . I 've been thinking a lot this month about the interplay between writing fiction and writing nonfiction . I went to a panel session at AWP on how to decide whether to write something as fiction or nonfiction . All of the panelists seemed to see little difference between the two , which I found both shocking and oddly appealing . One part of me wanted to yell , no , you 're wrong ! You can 't just label something that happened fiction ! You can 't just embellish nonfiction for dramatic effect ! But even as I sat there I was thinking about re - writing my stodgy stick - to - the - rules travel memoir - without regard to , well , the rules . How would it turn out ? I 've been writing only fiction for a few years now , and liking it . Struggling with it , but liking it . I got a story in a small lit mag called Clare . I was a finalist in a Glimmer Train Short Story Award for New Writers contest . I started writing a novel ! And then . This post was named a finalist in a food blog contest held by Creative Nonfiction . As a finalist it won 't be published though , so I thought , I should really do something with this . And suddenly I saw that this snapshot of experience I had in Korea was not a standalone piece . In a way it wasn 't originally ; it was a between - chapters interlude / vignette in that 275 - page travel memoir I wrote five years ago . But all of the sudden I saw it as the end of an essay , and that essay flowed out very easily . And I remembered how much I like writing nonfiction . Here 's the thing : Fiction writing is good for nonfiction writing , and probably the reverse is true as well . There 's a freedom in fiction that allows for considering all of the possibilities : the order in which events occur , who 's involved , where , etc . In nonfiction you 're limited by the facts . You can change the order in which you reveal a string of events to the reader , but you can 't change the order in which events occurred . And something about the freedom of fiction allowed me to rethink how to present material that five years ago ended up sitting limply in chronological order , hammered into boring , lifeless submission . The limitless possibilities of fiction have lately felt an obstacle in the short stories I 've been writing . What if my main character does this ? Ooh , maybe I could have her do this ! Or this ! My indecision knows no bounds and has the power to bring any writing session to a halt . Should my character have brown hair and a blue coat ? Or blonde hair and a red one ? What if she doesn 't wear a coat at all ? And yet , giving myself more choices in writing a new essay about my experiences in Korea helped . I chose to leave some details out . I chose to tell the story out of order . I chose to relate three separate events that seemed unrelated before but actually provide lovely dramatic effect when layered together . I think it worked . * Yes , I have been meaning to write my promised 2nd post on story cycles but some things have come up . Mainly , the entire family has been sick AGAIN for most of the month of February . I promise , I 'm getting back to it . Really . Coming soon to a blog near you . Posted on June 28 , 2010 by elizabeth 4 Two events have me feeling a bit unsettled . Over the weekend I sent out my short story to be reviewed by the members of the writers ' workshop I 'll be attending later in the summer . This morning I returned the proofs of another short story to the editors of the magazine that will publish it in the fall . When is a piece of writing complete enough to be sent out into the world ? I know that I 've done all I can to both of these stories for now . Last week my head was swimming from looking at them so many times . I could no longer read them and see where change could occur . I could no longer read them , period . And yet : I did not feel that the story I sent to the writers ' workshop was quite … well , it just wasn 't there yet . I wanted more time to think about it . If I did not have the workshop coming up , I would have put the story away for a few months then come back to it . I would have written another story that included one of the characters from this one , which would have helped me develop that character further in the original story . It 's likely I will still do that . But I know that the raw story is out there somewhere , and while that 's OK ( I am , after all , looking forward to getting feedback on the piece , and there needs to be room for feedback ) I feel uneasy about it , too . As for the proofs , I had not looked at that story in several months , and it felt very different to me after all that time . I felt that I could tweak the writing quite a bit . Is there a point at which writers feel they can stop tweaking words here and there ? I think that if you 're at the point where you 're just making those kinds of small adjustments it means you 're done , and yet . I made a few small changes to the proofs , not as many as I could have , or wanted to , because I know that the time for lots of changes - just made because I wanted to make them - had passed . I had to let it go . I feel a sense of excitement that the story will soon be published , but at the same time , I 'm horrified . How can that story be published ? ! I want to keep tweaking and adjusting and changing things . But I have to let it go . It 's time to move on to something else . Do authors ever return to their previous books and wince ? Do authors ever return to their previous books at all ? I remember when I went to hear Joan Didion read in Boston and she said she never thought about her earlier works or her body of writing as a whole . She dismissed them as if they didn 't exist . " It was just something I wrote , " she said . Posted on June 16 , 2010 by elizabeth 4 This morning I opened a Word document I hadn 't touched in several weeks . It 's the beginning of a short story * - one that I 've gotten sidetracked from . I wrote the four pages that exist in the Word document in one sitting and I haven 't looked at them since . I had , in fact , forgotten what I had written in those pages . I mean , I knew who the main character was , and what , generally was going to happen in the story , but I had no recollection of the tone , the mood , the point of view … or even , how far I got . And , for some reason , I had convinced myself in the weeks since I created the Word document that what I had written was horrible . I remember feeling frustrated with the way the story was going when I saved and closed the document , and that feeling was what stuck with me in the subsequent days and weeks , not the good feelings about having made a start . This morning I stumbled upon the title of the document as I was looking for the other , linked story . I read " hurricane . doc " and thought , hurricane ? what is that ? That 's how disconnected I have been from that story , and from writing in general . I opened " Hurricane " and began to read . And read . I was pleasantly surprised . Not bad is what I thought . And then I thought about how often this sort of thing happens : I 've barely finished writing for the day , and already I 'm telling myself it 's awful . Sometimes , as in this case , I 'm barely into the story or essay that I 'm berating myself about , and it has detrimental consequences . My hard drive is littered with beginnings I 've deemed not worth finishing . After I read this section of story , I thought about how pleasant it is to be surprised by what you 've written . It 's a great feeling . And , unfortunately , it 's one that 's short - lived . Writing is always like this : it 's a bit of a manic hobby / profession / obsession . Most writerly people I know experience these highs and lows , the self - criticism and doubt , along with brief , brief moments of elation . I don 't have a solution , I 'm just noting some observations . These sorts of emotional ups and downs are on my mind right now , as I 've been polishing a story to submit to the writing workshop I 'll be attending later in the summer . I haven 't been workshopped since finishing my MFA coursework in the spring of 2006 , and I have little experience with fiction workshops . * * I have until quite recently been focused only on nonfiction writing . I told myself that I was not good at fiction writing ; that fiction wasn 't for me . Self - doubt that I listened to for a really , really long time . Even now , now that I 've allowed myself to experiment and focus on fiction for a while , now that I 've gotten a story accepted by a lit mag , and now that I was accepted to the workshop itself , these doubts persist . And so , I 'm still nervous about sending a story off to a workshop full of people I 've never met , run by a well - known , published author . I 'm trying to look at this way : after sending the story off , I will have a month away from it . And when I come back to it , in the workshop , it will seem ( I hope ! ) better than I thought , just like with the four pages I reread this morning . And , after all , isn 't the point of a workshop to get feedback so that you can improve your writing ? * It might even be the beginning of a novel - in - stories … I 'm not sure yet . I 've written another story with the same characters , and it seems to be something I want to continue . The idea of writing an entire novel , now , while I 've got a lot of other ( mostly domestic ) things on my plate , freaks me out . The idea of writing a novel in bite - sized chunks makes me feel slightly better about it . As long as I don 't think about the novel part . * * I took only one fiction workshop as part of my MFA - I took nonfiction workshops , publishing - related courses , and various fiction and nonfiction lit classes instead . The fiction workshop I did take was run by a sweet woman with a few story collections under her belt who did not criticize or offer constructive feedback , ever . It 's nice to have encouragement , and it was especially nice for me , since I felt so uncertain about fiction writing , but ultimately I didn 't feel I got much out of the course . Can someone explain why all nonfiction books must have subtitles ? Are readers of nonfiction books unable or unwilling , like readers of novels , to turn books over to read the graph on the back cover ? A sampling from Amazon 's featured listings of nonfiction books : It would seem that not only do nonfiction books have to have subtitles , but the subtitles tend to follow certain ( and in my opinion cliched ) rhythms . There are a lot of " ands . " As in ( see above ) , " rise and fall , " " death and life " " strange and true , " " connectivity and generosity . " I find all this rather unnecessary ( can you tell ? ) . Look back a few years , and wow , not so many subtitles . Somehow , people figured out what the books were about , and read them . Consider Annie Dillard 's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek , or An American Childhood . Consider Mark Salzman 's Iron and Silk . Consider Hemingway 's A Moveable Feast . 2 . The Dust Bowl . Yeah , that 's right , I 'm talking about the 1930 's , the plains , the backdrop to Steinbeck 's Grapes of Wrath . I 've been reading The Worst Hard Time , the National Book Award winner by Timothy Egan . TWHT , as is to be expected , has an obligatory subtitle to tell you what it 's about : " The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl . " ( There , see ? Now I don 't have to describe what the book is about , because you already know . ) Here 's what I can say about TWHT : It is brilliantly researched and written in a way that pulls you through the story - not quite in the thriller - esque way of , say , Jon Krakauer 's Into the Wild , but it 's very readable all the same , especially considering the topic . It 's fascinating . I 'm learning a lot about American history that I did not know . However . But . Were I to make a list of things I 'd like to read about before going to bed , the Dust Bowl would not exactly top it . And , I have learned : Reading about the Dust Bowl must be tempered by reading about … something else . It 's bleak , people , very bleak . The short story I sent out in January is slated to be published in a small lit magazine out of the Midwest . I am happy . This is progress . It will be my first fiction publication . In the spring of 2007 I began a short story . I have been working on it off and on ever since . A short story ! A mere 10 - 15 pages . And yet I have been unable to finish said story . There are two characters and the second character has morphed into various different people and there have been at least five major , major plot changes in the story . There are so many drafts that I have had to create a folder within the story 's designated file on my computer entitled " old versions " because there were so many Word documents I could never find the most recent version . The story takes place in Thailand , and I have considered setting it elsewhere ( but held on to Thailand , all the while suspecting it was stubbornness on such points that was getting in the way of finishing the story ) . Still I was unsatisfied . I cannot let this story go , I cannot let the main character go . Well . This week I did the following : I cut the second section and pasted it before the first . Wow . Wow , wow , wow . What a difference that made , and suddenly the rest of the story is coming together . I would not say it is finished , but it is close , it is getting there . I have a hope for it that I have not had since the spring of 2007 , and that is good . Or at least , not bleak . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Dear Family , It is interesting how much the words of Jacob have come to life for me when he said , " and the time passed by as if it was a dream . " It is one thing to hear these words and agree that it is true but , it is another to be a missionary and remember everything that happened in your mission that is coming to a close . As you 've followed along with me you can probably relate to what these words now mean to me . In movies we see people as they are about to die and there lives pass before their eyes like a movie . I have seen the movie of my mission pass before my eyes so many times ! I 'm not dying , but I am entering into a new phase of life . I will not shut the book and the lessons will not end , but , some things will be set aside for the time being . I 've experienced so many times , when we feel like we are on the top of the world and nothing will take you down , God needs to humble us and put us in our place . What a blessing it is to live in a world SO inconsistent ! If it wasn 't for the inconsistency we would never grow . Once I heard that , " true happiness is progress , " and I have learned this to be true . But it is one thing to be inconsistent and another to be consistent in an inconsistent world . One of the greatest blessings and lessons that I have learned on my mission is how I can trust in the Lord ! I have been getting anxious to go home . Don 't get me wrong , I worked until the last minute . I 'm SO very excited to see every one of you , to hug you and kiss you and look into your eyes . But I will miss profoundly looking into the eyes of the Gaúchos , speaking português and teaching from the bottom of my heart the things that I have learned to be true . I plan on getting right to work , school , play and dating and not letting a moment pass by without doing something worth while ! If you asked me if I knew what would happen tomorrow , I couldn 't tell you . If you asked me where I will be in a year , I don 't know . If you asked me what I would be doing in five years , I could tell you my goals , my hopes and what I hope to be . BuPosted by Last Saturday evening Mark was finishing up his talk for the MTC . He speaks about every month and every third time he speaks I speak with him for about 5 minutes . ( Not long I realize but in some ways it 's more of a challenge to give a meaningful talk on only 5 min . ) This was his second talk since I last spoke with him so I asked him when I was speaking with him next . ( This is totally beside my post but , he turned to me with a confused look and said , " Didn 't I tell you that you 're speaking tomorrow ? " Ha ha ha , funny guy : ) So . . . he looked at the calendar , April 18 . . . no wait . . . that 's Rob 's homecoming . . . a phone call later and we were rescheduled to speak on April 11 - on patience . PATIENCE . The last time we were assigned to speak on patience was about two months after my bike crash . Although the ER doctors told me I would be back to normal in 6 weeks they were wrong . . . very very wrong . Patience was a good topic for me to study and prepare a talk on . . . only it turned out that the district president and his wife were speaking that Sunday so we got bumped and assigned a different topic . All in all I was thankful for what I learned in preparing the talk . Within a month of this we were reassigned to a French Branch . One of the sisters was preparing to leave for Fiji in a few weeks but was having problems with her neck . The leftovers from a car accident that had happened over two years ago . ( TWO YEARS ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I was horrified ) Her neck bothered her to the extent that they were not sure they were going to send her to Fiji . . . or anywhere but home . Then her Aunt suggested she see someone that had previously helped her recover from an injury , Angela Lavery . Two visits and this sister felt better that she had since the accident and was on her way to Fiji . I got Angela 's name and phone number but for some reason I didn 't call her . I was making progress on my own , working with physical therapist , chiropractor , getting massages , stretching and exercising . I was sure I would be back to normal very soon . I have been feeling very good lPosted by Count downs that is . For years we counted down days till birthdays , Holidays , graduations , missionaries leaving and coming home , weddings , anniversaries , days till people came home from foreign countries , baby 's due dates . Even count downs that we had to guess what we were counting down to . All of this we did on our dry erase board . Then the time came when the dry erase board began to look a little shabby - not shabby chic - just well , bad . When we did some remodeling in the kitchen last summer the dry erase board went to DI . We replaced it with a magnetic board - which has been nice - but it didn 't allow for count downs , let alone pure creativity . As we talked about decorating ideas I suggested a chalkboard wall and was surprised at the enthusiastic response . We finished it last week and it has been received with great enthusiasm . It did require a bit of work though . . . sanding and filling . . . more sandingfollowed by much dusting ( of the whole house ! ) . Priming , painting , waiting and painting and waiting some more . It 's been enjoyed - and yes were are counting down hours until Rob gets home . PS Did you see the little sneak peak of the new color in the dining room ? Do you care ? ; ) Dear Family , Thank you for all of your love and support for the second to last time ! ! ! Wow , it 's like a dream that my mission is ending but I am doing as all of you have been so kind to counsel and giving it my ALL . I have been awed to see that God constantly is caring for me and those that are willing and ready to do the work of the Lord ! This week we were blessed to have an inspired Zone Conference about the Book of Mormon and miracles . We were asked to study Moroni 7 and pray to have miracles every day . I have been blessed to experience many miracles in my mission of which I feel like I have a perfect memory . This week I had a very powerful experience . I was working with Elder Leite ( Milk right ) and we taught the pastor . I have learned in this time in my mission what it means to " wake up the world for the conflict of justice . " His name is Márcio and he is very receptive . We were just talking and usually it is impossible to teach a pastor without entering in a bible bash . But , I explained how we share messages saying a pray and everything and they accepted . We taught them in a very clear form and they listened attentively . If they don 't pray to know the truth , we have done our part ! We will go back there on Wednesday . He is a very busy man but we are going to fast for him and see what happens . Pray for him . It is advised that we don 't ask anyone from home or other places to fast with us but it 's your decision . . . Shortly after this visit with Márcio we went to Maria 's house . Maria is a very special woman that has received some very powerful responses that the church is true and what she needs to do . I don 't know if you all remember when Priscila dreamed about her baptism ? Well Maria has also dreamed about her baptism . When we went there she didn 't want to receive us , then reluctantly let us in . I broke the ice talking about my nieces and she opened up to me . She started telling me her story when she was a diaconiza in another church and really dedicated herself . She wasn 't really loved or giving attention in the cPosted by Happy Birthday Jennifer ! This morning as we were going to Christian 's rugby game Jennifer asked if today was officially the first day of spring . Mark replied , " Your birthday always marks the first day of spring because there 's more light than darkness in the world because of you . " I couldn 't agree more . I 've been thinking lately about how Jennifer 's life has been different from that of her older siblings . Being the " baby " means you are expected to help out at a younger age - whether you like it or not . And mom and dad know all the tricks so you 're not getting out of it very easily . It means that you get to watch siblings before you try something new and sometimes it gives you the courage to try . It means you get to see life from a different vantage point . Watching others go on missions and travel to foreign countries - and be there greet them when they return . You watch them go to college , get married and have babies - and be around to enjoy it . You get to be the cool young aunt . ( No offense Amy : ) ) You watch first hand as older siblings learn new talents and you can try them out for yourself with their help . Being the youngest also means some alone time with mom and dad . . . which will be a regular thing very very soon ! When you were little you begged for a little brother or sister for a few years . I just kept telling you that someone had to be the baby . . . and that someone is you . We are so glad we have you Jenn ! You truly do make the world a brighter place . Love you andHappy Birthday ! Dear family , This week has been very eventful ! We have had our fair share of ups and downs in these seven days and the excitement and anxiety that I am coming home is getting to me a little bit . For the first time in my mission a baptism fell through but , I still have hope that Tabata will be baptized . We also found a very special family ! Well , this week everything was going just perfect with Tabata . She is very special ! She was excited for the baptism and we taught her the commandments and everything was just fine . She doesn 't even drink coffee , which is something very rare here in Brazil . We marked her interview on Saturday and passed by her house to take her to the interview and her brother said that she had left some time before . Hmmm . We got there a little bit late so we thought that maybe she had already gone . Now , we have no clue where she went , if it was an emergency or if she was hiding so , we could really use your prayers ! We do know two things that might have gotten in the way ; the first is her mom , the second , she had a birthday party to go to that night . Well , her mom loves me ! The whole family really likes me and are getting really sad that I am going home . But , varies events have happened with other people that she stopped listening to the messages . She believes in saints and also has had one of the sisters enter into every part of her house without asking permission . Crazy Sister ! Also that night that we taught about the commandments she had a birthday party to go to that night and here in Brazil everyone has parties as an excuse to drink and party . Well , she said that she doesn 't have a problem with alcohol but we failed to ask her if she drinks . Hmmm . So , we will go back there and I have faith that she will still be baptized . Pray for her ! We also started teaching a pastor 's family . He is very open to the gospel and I have a lot of faith that he will make some progress ! He said that he has a testimony of the Book of Mormon because he learned that to be baptized , it needs to be from someone that has Posted by I have a tendency to get lost in places I am unfamiliar with ( that 's why I usually study a map before I visit a new place ) . I once got lost on the circular road that goes around the Paradise Valley Mall in Phoenix . A lot of visual stimulation can give me a headache . While the IKEA in Draper has been there for probably 2 years I had yet to visit it . That was until yesterday . I was going to Salt Lake anyway and I 've had a list of things I need to get at IKEA so I figured I 'd run in on my way home and pick them up . ( Why are you laughing at me ? ) I 'd been to IKEA in Sacramento with Amy last summer . We strolled through the store , enjoyed the displays and ideas . . . all in all an enjoyable afternoon . I was prepared . I knew what I wanted . I got online , wrote down the aisle and bin numbers of the things I needed - of course there were a few small things that didn 't include isle and bin numbers . . . I was limited on time so I walked in the front door and straight to the information lady . I showed her my list and she smiled , complimented me on my necklace , gave me a map and instructions . ( The last part made me a little nervous . ) I was relieved that I didn 't need to walk through the whole showroom to procure my items . I squared my shoulders , when through the double doors as instructed and stood there - hmmmm this looks like the showroom only on a little smaller scale . . . cool dishes . . . I wonder if they have that print in red . . . placemats . . . maybe they have something cool I could use for a runner like Kirsten did . . . NO NO NO ! ! ! ! FOCUS ! ! Find a cart . . . yes . . . good . . . there they are . . . Now where was that short cut she told me about . . . Where is my map . . . Where am I on the map ? Well , needless to say , I did make it out of the store . . . eventually ( bless the person who suggested they paint arrows on the floor otherwise I may still be there . . . good thing they sell food too ) I even found what I needed . . . eventuallyand a few things that were not on my list but that were also needed , wanted , useful . . . whatever ! One more thing I forgot about . How to get my purchases into tPosted by Well , I 'm making progress , I can 't wait until I can show you the finished room . . . I can 't wait to HAVE a finished room . Anyway , after many days looking at this on the floor of the family room I finally put it on the wall . . . only now I don 't like it as much . I used this awesome tutorial that made it really easy to hangand I used some 3M picture hanging strips which one of my older kids introduced me to when they moved last year - they are awesome ! ( I could have used that coupon too . ) The " laugh " was kind of iffy to begin with and both male residents immediately called for it 's removal . I was glad I only taped it up . . . . when it fell off the wall no one ran to pick it up . The white frame on the left of the big family picture just isn 't working . I replaced it with a silver one which I like better but now I 'm not sure what to put in the lower left corner . I don 't really want all pictures but I just don 't know what to put there . I 've been looking but nothing strikes me as yet . ( I also moved the big family one up a bit . . . it seems too low ) Ideas . . . suggestions . . . HELP ? PS I have all kinds of frames and plenty of spray paint ! When I was growing up I was often frustrated when I attempted to create something . I had a picture in my mind of what I wanted it to look like but it never turned out that way . I felt like a creative failure . Over the years I have found that while it 's good to have an idea of what you are creating , it 's also good to be open to the project evolving as you create . While it doesn 't always work out , most of the time you come up with something better . Case in point : Kirsten suggested that we should go with one WOW feature above the fireplace and move our family picture grouping to a side wall over the couch . Great idea ! I have really been liking the sunburst mirrors I have been seeing on design blogs and all over the place . ( I love that last blog , you should check it out , Michelle is amazing ) . picture from CB2 onlineI saw these " wheel mirrors " in the CB2 catalog and thought it would be really fun to get one . ( You know , with the love of cycling and all at our house . . . ) Of course the $ 68 . 00 price tag seemed a bit much for me . So with a $ 2 . 00 bike wheel from DI ( local thrift store ) , some spray paint , a $ 3 . 00 mirror , a little elbow grease ( from me , Mark and Christian ) , and some epoxy we had this : Love it ! But it was small for the space and really didn 't give the WOW I wanted . Then while shopping at Tai Pan Trading I found this : The size was good and it was marked down to $ 29 . 95 because of some minor imperfections . Works for me ! One morning I came downstairs and Mark was already up . He was by the fireplace and said , " Hey check this out " He held up the bicycle wheel mirror over the Tai Pan one and WHAAAAAAA ! ( Imagine angels singing ) ( Confession - for some reason I am often hesitant to accept other peoples ideas and input - bad habit I know and I 'm trying to break myself of it but when I put my bias doubts aside I loved it ! ) Mark had come up with the PERFECT thing ! ( this picture really doesn 't do it justice ) It looks different depending on the lighting in the room and we put another mirror on the back of the small one in the middle so the reflectPosted by I have taken a break from the remodeling frenzy of last summer to catch my breath . But , I have also not felt satisfied with the main floor . While I love the living room - and we love to be in thereThe living and the dining room just didn 't flowand the family room left much to be desired . I though about a lot of things but lacked direction and didn 't want to spend $ $ $ . I was also afraid to move on anything . . . what if I didn 't like it . . . I mentioned this to Amy one day and she suggested talking to her high school friendKirsten ( used to be Curtis ) Krason . ( I stole this picture from her blog - I hope you don 't mind Kirsten ) GENIUS ! I follow her blog and love her work . We emailed back and forth but the mass of confusion that was in my brain came through loud and clear . . . so we decided to get together . And can I say that she is AWESOME ! Having a fresh set of eyes look at your home is always helpful but having some one who really knows what they are doing AND can understand what it is you 're going for when you don 't really understand yourself is . . . well . . . totally AMAZING ! ! ! I know that you 're supposed to look at the architectural features of your room and work with them but I just felt like the fireplace was ugly and the hutch in the dining room while pretty just didn 't go with the modern living room . I had these " elephants " in my rooms I was trying to avoid . Kirsten suggested putting some color in the back of the hutch and then arranging things inside as a display - like you really want someone to look in there - make it interesting . Much better don 't you think ? and the couches in the family room - just because they are not the couches I really wantdoesn 't mean they have to be an eyesore - a few fun pillows can make a world of difference ! I 'm back on my decorating frenzy ! More to come .
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My wedding was 3 . 5 years ago . We never sent out thank you cards . I have 101 excuses for this but that 's exactly what they are , excuses . We honestly did and still do appreciate the thoughtful gifts we received but we 're the procrastinator types and just never got to it . I would like to send them out . Would people be pleased to receive a thank you at this late date or is it better to just not send them at all ? Mom says " why bother NOW " but truly , I always meant to do it . My husband 's niece had a baby boy last year after 10 years of trying . We were overjoyed over the birth of her son and so happy for her and her husband . We sent her money , toys , books as well as a beautiful monogrammed silver cup to express our love . After a year neither my husband nor I have received so much as a phone call or acknowledgement of any kind . I imagine a thank you note is out of the question . I am aware from other family members that she did receive the gifts . I am unsure if I should say something or just let it go . I am so hurt and offended that I think our relationship isn 't . 0920 - 13 I would say , better late than never . I would agree with admin , that do not offer excuses , especially when the real reason is " we never got around to do it " . Excuse ( or reason ) might be in place if there was some real and legitime reason ( such as severe illness ) though it 's hard for me to think how to express even a valid reason in a good way on a note . Personally , I would think that I would take quite well even quite late thank you . I have to admit that sometimes I 'm the kind of person that would forget their own head had it not been attached to my neck so I think I could relate to the fact that sometimes one has good intentions but the execution fails . I cannot think I would be insulted or that the very late thank you would somehow feel worse than not having the thank you at all . Send them ! I would love to get a thank you . Even years later ! I would poke fun at myself I dr it . But I would also give an excuse if it were real : " I was very sick for some time after the wedding " ir " we had to move to a new country after the wedding " etc I am one of those big thank you note sticklers , and I can tell you that not only would I welcome a thank you note now , I would particularly admire you for doing what I know isn 't easy . My own son , despite having been raised to know that prompt , well - written thank you notes are a HUGE priority , and his wife have not sent out all their notes yet after more than two years . I get teased a lot ! I only hope that they follow your example . So , yes , absolutely send them , and good for you that you are taking responsibility . I know how hard this must be . Think how great it will be when you no longer have that knot in your stomach whenever you think about it . I agree , don 't discuss the lateness or your reasons for it . At most , the " humorous grovel " the Admin mentioned . It really wouldn 't add anything - I mean , they KNOW it 's late - and , worse , writing about it changes the focus back to yourselves rather than the proper focus of a thank you note : how much you like the gift , how grateful you are for the gift - giver 's generosity , and how glad / sorry you are that they could / couldn 't attend your wedding . [ It occurs to me that maybe that 's why I don 't really like including a photo of the bride and groom in thank you notes . I never liked them when they cause the notes to go out later . But I think this is an additional reason : it shifts the focus away from THEM and back onto YOU . The wedding was your turn to be the star ; the thank you note is theirs . ] I don 't want a photo of the bride and groom in the thank you note . I 'm not going to put the snap in a place of honor to sigh over happy memories of the day ! In my thank you notes I put a photo of the person the note was going to at our wedding with myself and / or hubby in the shot . I got heaps of informal snaps done for this very purpose . A friend still has that photo on her fridge nearly 10 years later . Ah , I 'm totally different here , I love those photo - thank yous ! ( Have to note though , that general thank you - note policy is bit different here than what I gather it is in USA ) . I think it comes from my childhood home , my mother had a certain shelf she would place thank you cards from weddings and graduations etc and I liked to look at them . I still keep all the photo - thank yous I get , and present them on my own shelf for a while . We received very generous support for our wedding this month , in the form of cash and gifts . Trying to get the DH to write them with me was like pulling teeth or herding cats , whichever is more painful . His excuse was he didn 't know what to write in a Thank you card ; then he didn 't know how to say thank you to my side of the family . After looking at him cut - eye , I told him that it should contain at the least gratitude for the generous gift ( by name , but not the exact monetary count if cash ) and it should be personalized to the recipient . Then I reminded him that he was very quick to receive the gifts , so we should be just as quick to return our thanks . After that , he stopped whining and finished the cards . I had a friend tell me she did not expect thanks because it wasn 't necessary . This was the same friend who brought a gift , went shopping with me for wedding related items , and got her mom to make 100 + cookies and bagged them for my out of town guests . I told her that acknowledgement of her efforts was mandatory , as it cements our friendship , and should I need help at a later date , she 'll remember this and be more likely to help me . My baby shower was like a month or so before I delivered our oldest . I was incredibly ill at the end so I spent most of my time miserable and trying to sleep . When I was finally in labor I was writing thank you notes in the hospital . My husband kept trying to tell me to not worry about it but between my own guilt and my mother brow beating me in the corner I wrote all 45 thank you 's before I delivered my son a few days later . Our wedding thanks yous I wrote all by myself . Over 80 . I gave them to my husband to mail , they were all addressed and stamped , all he had to do was pop them in the big mailbox across the road . I thought he did … . found out a year later that he never mailed them . I kept wondering why people asked if we had received the gifts they had sent . And yup as the bride I was blamed 100 % for it . My deepest darkest secret is that I never sent thank you notes for our wedding . I 've backpedaled and avoided the topic at all costs . I 'm terrified to even start because I can barely remember who gave what , though I 've got about half the gift notices and gift receipts stashed somewhere . As a procrastonator riddled with anxiety and a chronic clutterer just the thought of doing it now makes my heart pound . The spouse is no help at all , claiming his family doesn 't care about thank you notes . Well that shouldn 't matter , should it ? So I 'm buring alongside you ! And you know what I noticed ? People didn 't say anything but there was pointed drop in generosity towards us . And you know what the worst part was ? I was * relieved * . I was so relieved because I didn 't have to send them more thank you notes . Because I know in my heart of hearts that I deserve this . Go @ Lo ! Go , go , go @ Lo ! You can do it ! We are rooting for you ! The key ? JUST DO * * ONE * * . Go to that stash of gift notices and gift receipts , pull out one at random , and write a nice thank - you note to that ONE giver right away . Follow the advice from Admin and other posters about writing an affectionate and grateful note focused on the nice gift and the giver 's generosity rather than on your own self - reproach for the tardiness . They 'll be pleased and touched , and YOU WILL FEEL BETTER . 1 ) If you fall off the horse , just get back on it . That is , if your momentum runs out temporarily and you let a while go by without doing one of the notes , don 't fall back into the spiral of inaction and self - reproach . Just tell yourself again " Okay , I 'm just going to go do ONE now " , and let the momentum resume . I think Ms . Manners got this question once , and if I recall correctly , she advised the person to send out notes that said something like , " Dear Aunt Bessie and Uncle Jack , my dear husband Roford and I are doing well and can 't believe that we are coming up on our fourth anniversary ! I suppose that when you 're happy the years just seem to fly by ! We were thinking of you the other day as we used your left - handed pumpkin - scented candelabra , and I wanted to let you know that we still treasure it and are so grateful that you gave it to us . Love to you , the kids , etc . " I think the point was that if you worded it correctly , it wouldn 't be totally clear whether an original thank you had ever been sent . Reply Send ! People will still appreciate the thought . Maybe add in some sweet note about how the item or $ has helped you along the path of marriage . Something to the extent of , " we really love the blender you gave us ! My husband uses it each and every morning to make healthy smoothies for us ! " or something of the like . I think your guests will appreciate the sentiment that their gift is still appreciated ! Send them ! I 'm still waiting for thank you notes from a couple weddings I attended 10 or so years ago . I 'd be happy to receive them and my opinion of the couple 's ability to be gracious humans would improve … even after the years delay . Get them done . Write one per night before you allow yourself a snack or watching TV or playing on the computer or your phone . Don 't read another comment on here until your write one . Better late than never . Two years after her wedding my bff sent out her thank you notes . Her excuse ? A year after the wedding of more than 500 people ( she has an enormous family and is part of a culture where huge weddings are the norm ) they were * finally * all finished , addressed and ready to go out . The next day her basement flooded and ruined all of them . Better late than never . Go ahead and send them . Include a recent photo of the two of you - or even a photo of you using the gift if you are so inclined . By all means make sure they are personalized and handwritten . Normally notes should be sent within 2 - 3 months but I think at any time , they would be appreciated . If you hadn 't referred to your mother as ' Mom ' I 'd have thought you were my sister OP ! ( We 're British , our mother is Mum ) . She 's been married 3 + years now and she didn 't send any thank you cards either - despite being reminded and me offering to sort them out on Vistaprint while she was on honeymoon . All we got for our troubles was a mouthful . We were and still are MORTIFIED that she didn 't send out thank you letters . That being said , I think sending them so late dredges up bad feeling . I 'd be more inclined to suggest personalised letters explaining that you are writing in lieu of a thank you card with some more personal information - such as how you have enjoyed their gifts over the last X years ( for example ) . I say go for it ! ! ! Look at it this way : If you do it , people can say that your thank you notes were REALLY LATE , but they can 't say that you didn 't send any at all , right ? Better late then never , IMO . In fact , I am still trying to convince my friend to send thank you notes for her wedding last July ( not this past July of 2013 , it was July of 2012 ) . She insists that there is no point now , that it 's too late . I can 't wait to tell her about your post ! She didn 't send any thank you notes for her shower either , so I think she definitely needs to at least send them for the wedding . My brother 's wedding was over 7 years ago and they never sent thank yous . Part of the reason was that the wedding day was rather disastrous regarding her side of the family ( they didn 't speak for over 3 years ) . She still can 't bring herself to look at the photos , so thinking about anything about the wedding right after was too hard for her . And now she 's in the same situation , way too late to send anything . I 'm still waiting for a thank you note for a wedding I attended eight months ago . I was unemployed at the time , so I gave them a small monetary gift card to their store of choice via their registry , inside a nice wedding card . It was put along with the other gifts at their family home ( where they got married ) . Not a word since - I hope they did get it . I really don 't appreciate their lack of gratitude . I say better than never as well concerning the OP . The guests likely still remember they never received a thank you note , so why not right this situation by still sending them now ? When I got married , one person did not sign their card and so did not get a Thank You note … . there was just no way of asking people " did you get us a gift … ? " I did mention it around that we 'd gotten a nice " such and such " but the card wasn 't signed … . no one ever claimed it , so there may be someone out there thinking ill of us - So to all people who have been slighted by the lack of receiving an expression of thanks … once in a while there is a good explanation Reply The exact same thing happened to me ! But even worse - the gift giver did sign the card , we just couldn 't decipher the name . After about a year of trying to work out who it was , we finally gave up . It 's a shame because we genuinely like the gift . I had someone keep a list as we opened gifts . OP , I 'm amazed that you can remember who gave what 3 . 5 years ago ! Or were you thinking of a generic thank you note ? ? I would definitely send them out , and use it as an opportunity for a little self - deprecating humor . " [ Husband ] and [ wife ] each thought the other was writing thank you notes . Boy , are our faces red ! " Better late than never . My friend never sent me a Thank You note for the wedding gift I got her ( and I know she was raised better than that ! ) and I am pretty sure that fact features in every story I tell about her crazy wedding . Guests remember ; you should too . You should totally have an easier time writing them because you 've actually had a chance to use the gifts so writing " Dear Aunt Ethel , thank you so much for the egg plate . We just used it at our Fourth of July cookout and I loved remembering that you gave it to me when I sliced up those eggs . " instead of the usual " Dear Aunt Ethel , thank you for the egg plate . I plan to use it at parties . Thank you again . " Send those thank - you notes ! Three years isn 't thirty years , and people will be happy to know you received and enjoyed the gifts . Don 't make excuses , but at least apologize so people don 't think you just found these already - written notes years later and decided to send them out : " We know it 's been a while and we apologize for the delay , but wanted you to know how much we appreciate the [ name the gift ALWAYS ] - we 've been enjoying it for three years now ! We think of you fondly every time we use it . " Something like that . ( I once read in a Miss Manners book that while you should always name the specific gift , a thank - you letter should never actually contain the words " thank you . " ) Either way , do send the thank - you notes . You will not regret that ! I 'd like the opportunity to rectify that mistake now and tell you how much DH and I truly enjoyed both your presence at our wedding and the gift of the XYZ . As a couple just setting out your gift made the journey of setting up our own household that much easier . Again , I apologize for my lapse in manners and thank you for your kindness and generosity . Repentant EHeller Or something like that ? I agree , send letters , repent , thank them for their kindness , don 't offer excuses if there are none . Reply The problem that I have with this wording is that it is way too much about the lateness of the note and comparatively very little about the gratitude for the gift and their presence at the wedding ( and therefore too much about the writer and not enough about the reader ) . There are 5 sentences in this letter ; 3 1 / 2 are about that the note is late . Late or not , the point of the letter is still to thank them for their good wishes and generosity , not to apologize for the lateness . So that should predominate . " We know it 's been a while and we apologize for the delay , but wanted you to know how much we appreciate the [ ___ ] . We think of you fondly every time we use it . " ( I left out the " It 's been three years now ! " - you already apologized ) . And I also like the brilliant idea of wording that doesn 't make it exactly clear that this is the first thank you note for the gift . Avoid overly dramatic self - flagellation . It sounds like trying to get them to tell you , " Oh , it 's okay , don 't feel bad . " Just take your lumps in a dignified way and move on . I agree with the admin . Send them now . No one is going to be upset to receive an honest and heartfelt thank you note even years after the wedding . In fact , I have a cousin who sent out her thank you notes on their 5th wedding anniversary . No explantion added , just a " Terribly sorry this thank you is so late . We really love the towels you sent us . They have made our home bright and cheery . " It was really sweet to get the much delayed thank you . The only blow back I heard of was his grandmother sent a thank you for the birthday present they sent her that same year . The grandmother 's thank you note stated " I was going to delay five years before sending this card in deference to our new family tradition . But I feared my demise may come first . Please pardon this terribly early thank you for your lovely birthday gift . I really enjoyed the tea sampler . " A thank you card may be a small thing , but it is an acknowledgement of the time and thoughtfulness that was put into a gift . The older I get the more I realize how important they are . I 'm always aware when people don 't send thank you cards , and it rankles a bit because you kind of wonder if the gift was liked , appreciated or even noticed . Send the cards . Don 't make excuses , but do poke a little good natured fun at yourself . Perhaps many of the people don 't care , but if one person was hurt or offended by your lack of recognition it just might make them feel better Reply Lo , if you can 't remember accurately who gave you what , how about just sending notes to the people on your guest list acknowledging that you never sent out thank yous and adding something general about how much you appreciated their presence and generous support . Also , say something about how sorry you are that you took so long . Also for those who keep procrastinating because it seems like such a big job , as a teacher , I would do my Christmas gift thank yous by doing a couple per night . If doesn 't seem so overwhelming that way . I am surprised by how many people don 't remember who gave them what . It seems so obvious to keep a list as gifts are opened ; didn 't anyone suggest it to you if you didn 't think of it yourself ? It 's really easy just to make an extra column in the list for invitations . It 's also a kind of a sad byproduct of the way registries have gotten so extensive and how bullied guests feel into choosing gifts only from the registry . I 've been married over 31 years , and I can look at most of the things we got for our wedding without consulting the list - which I still have - and tell you who gave them to us , because THEY picked them out , so the gifts remind me of the givers . That makes them all that more precious as the years pass and people pass away . For those gift givers who are in your sphere , perhaps you can view this as an opportunity to recharge the relationship , OP . Send the thank you with the hints Admin provided . Follow up with a phone call and , if you can , an invitation . There 's nothing like a sincere apology and some love to smooth over an offense . It will work wonders in most cases . You 'll be so glad that you did this - don 't let yourself be stopped by embarrassment . People are often willing to forgive and forget if given a chance to be gracious . Please , oh please do send the thank - yous ! I 've attended 7 weddings this year ( 8 , if you count my own ) and have so far received 2 thank - yous . What irritates me the most is that the majority of the couples were not in the least bit shy about informing us of their present expectations ( mainly through little gimme - piggy poems in the invitations , ugh ) . If you 're going to specify what you 'd like for a present , at least have the courtesy to say thank - you when you get it ! OP , I like the suggestions of PPs to make your thank - yous a bit jokey and self - deprecating but don 't take the joke too far or it might come off a bit ' we 're so amused by our lapse in manners we just had to share it with you ! ' . Keep it humble and grateful and you shouldn 't go far wrong . Good luck ! xx Send them ! It might be a little embarrassing , but not as embarrassing as never sending them . At worst , people might get a laugh out of the lateness but I couldn 't imagine anyone being truly upset . I never got a thank - you note for the gift I gave to my friends who got married last summer . But you lnow what I did get ? An invitation to their baby shower , complete with registry information . My response ? " You 've got to be kidding me " as I dropped it in the trash . Even more appalling as it was an obvious gift grab - I live across the country and had bent over backwards to travel to their wedding , and they had to know I wouldn 't be able to do the same just for a baby shower . And while the shower was hosted by the bride 's sister , I know the couple knew about my invite , because the bride had Facebook - messaged me to verify my address just a few weeks before . I had thought it was for the long overdue thank you note . Joke 's on me . All that being said , I would still appreciate a thank you from those people , even more than a year later . So what 's the right response when the happy couple is shocked / disappointed when they ask why you won 't be able to make it ? Do you just tell them you won 't make it ? Do you " take one for the etiquette team " and tell them that you were hoping to get a thank you for the first gift before sending them a second ? ( I say that knowing it 's an etiquette breach , will damage the ( already weak ) friendship , but may also clue them in as they raise their kid ) Side note , did you send the wedding gift , or bring it to them ? If you sent it , you can always use the classic , " Oh , did you ever receive that wedding gift last year ? I didn 't hear from you afterward , so I wasn 't sure . " Just do it . I once found a thank you note I thought I had sent , but oops ! Maybe 2 - 3 years after the fact . this was for a b - day party , not wedding , but I wrote a letter saying I had found it , apologizing for not sending it and my friend loved it ! I also agree , keep the apology and excuses short . I learned that back during my teen years , writing a friend . I actually had pretty legitimate excuses of moving , then moving again and finally finding her address , and this person totally held it against me and made fun of me for my excuses ( obviously not really a friend ) . This was just for a pen pal type situation , but I think when you go on and on about the reason , even if legitimate it just feels like too much . I also agree with others that for some reason , people just remember those who did not send them thank you notes . I 've attended several weddings over the years , I couldn 't tell you what I bought as a gift for most of them , but I can absolutely remember the couple from 10 or so years ago that did not thank me for the glasses I sent them from their registry . I do sympathise , because I 'm one of those people who finds that a situation seems to snowball the longer I leave it ( I didn 't do it , and then I get scared that if I remind people of it , they 'll want to know why I didn 't do it sooner , so I put it off , so it goes undone for even longer … ) . I definitely agree that the best thing to do is to own your mistake without trying to excuse it . I 've found that a fair amount of people have enough respect for you admitting to screwing up that it helps them forgive you a little faster . Not to make excuses , but life is BUSY . The tardiness of my notes in NO WAY is an expression of my gratitude , or lack thereof , for gifts received , it just means that I have a job ( with obscene amounts of overtime involved ) , my husband has a job , we have a house and a dog to take care of … it just was never a priority . I intend to send them , but it 's been a slow process getting them completed . I am confused by the folks that say they 're " still waiting for a thank you card from such - and - such a time ago " … you were invited to celebrate whatever occasion you speak of . You were chosen ( sometimes instead of someone else that the bride / groom , mother - to - be , etc . could have invited ) to spend these times with them . I know it isn 't proper etiquette , but just relax . Your gift is appreciated , I can guarantee it … you were thought of enough to choose to share moments with these people . Sometimes life just gets in the way . I feel it 's just as rude to dwell on the fact that a thank - you card ( that you 're just going to throw away , anyway ) wasn 't received than to not have sent them at all … Uh no . Nice try , but no . I know you probably won 't see this , but I 'm responding for the benefit of everyone else here . Look , you had time to plan a wedding despite having jobs , a dog and a house . You had time to register for gifts , send invitations , open gifts , etc . You probably booked florists and toured venues - all despite having a lot to do . Why ? Because it was important to you . Now suddenly , your life is just too busy to send thank - you notes ? You 'd find the time if it was important . It 's clearly not important to you - don 't make excuses for it . People took the time to send you a gift because it was important - but you can 't find 5 minutes to thank them ? " If time flies when you are having fun , then I have been enveloped in a marital bliss that made the wedding seem like yesterday … but it has really been over three years ! Consider me mortified ! Of course my gratitude for your thoughtfulness and generosity has remained all this time , though sadly unspoken until now . I therefore wish to humbly thank you for the [ gift person gave ] you gave me on my wedding day . I greatly enjoyed [ using the gift however I do / did ] , and I am so grateful / impressed you thought of it / were so generous . I hope you will accept my sincere thanks , and please forgive the lateness of my reply . " I have been writing notes little by little during our first year of marriage ( our 1 - year anniversary is just over a month away ) . Today I got an email forwarded to me by my mother in law from one of her relatives : " Dear ____ , my mother sent your son and his new wife a check for $ 100 dollars , which they cashed , but never acknowledged . Thought you should know this . " I felt like this was EXTREMELY rude , not just of the relative but of my mother - in - law for sending it on in what was certainly an attempt to shame us into a thank - you note ! Surely the relative can 't know we have been sending them out as we get them done , but I do not think it in any way is appropriate to point it out to the sender . Just think poorly of us and move on - don 't jab around in the wound ! I already feel guilty for taking so long . Remember though , it hasn 't even been a year . I responded graciously , explained the situation to my mother in law , and wrote a letter GUSHING with gratitude to the relative 's mother to be sent out first thing in the morning . Personally it made me rather UNgrateful for the gift , and if it wouldn 't sever ties forever I would send her back a $ 100 bill with the thank - you note . Although my negative feelings are probably misguided as the letter came from not even the gift - giver , but the gift - giver 's daughter . I guess it 's guilt talking here . Still rude though ! On both our parts ! My son and daughter in law separated about 6 months after the wedding . I am sure most , if not all , of the gifts were not acknowledged . It is now 1 1 / 2 years after the wedding . They are probably divorcing . Should acknowledgments be sent at this point ? Should the " bad / sad " information about their marriage be included ?
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That moment wasn 't my first encounter with Mr . Orbison . When my sister and I were in elementary school my aunt had an audio tape she played in the car that had " Pretty Woman " on it ( probably the soundtrack from the movie , it came out around then ) . For about a year or two , whenever we got in the car with my aunt she would turn the tape on and blast the song as we all jiggyed along . It was probably one of the first few non - Beach Boys songs I knew all the words to and could belt out at the top of my lungs without worry of missing a beat . ( If I may take a 30 second tangent , I was a huge Beach Boys fan as a kid . They were the first band I fell in love with , and I knew ALL their songs . They came to the New York State Fair on my birthday when I was in kindergarten , and my parents brought me to their concert . It was the best thing ever ; I was standing on the bleacher dancing and singing all night ! I distinctly remember this moment from the concert when the band members yelled out , " How many people out there are in their 30s ? " and I jumped up and down cheering with the crowd , " How many are in their 40s ? " I kept cheering , " How many in their 50s ? " still cheering . I thought I was a party animal . The people sitting next to us asked my parents if they played Beach Boys music in my cradle . I know , I 'm a nerd , but I never pretended not to be ; ) ) Anyway , before P left for Nepal I made an appointment to meet with the officiant who will marry us at the American wedding . After sorting out some of the details of the ceremony , she wanted to get to know us a bit better , and asked us how we met and then asked each of us when we realized we loved the other . I 'm used to sharing stories , but P isn 't really the lovey - dovey sharing type . So I gladly jumped in with the movie / pretty woman story , finishing up with the fact that I am still wearing the same tortoiseshell style glasses ( my newer ones broke , and these and my backup pair - I 'm been too lazy to fix my old ones , so I 'm still wearing the " Pretty Woman " glasses ) . She got a huge kick out of it , and asked if it was going to be our " first dance " song at our wedding . I said no , probably something else . Part of me thinks it would be funny and meaningful to dance to Pretty Woman , but many of the people attending don 't know the story , the significance will probably be lost on them , and they might think its narcissistic or corny or something . But I 'll definitely put it early in the lineup when everyone else is out on the dance floor with us ! Allow me to introduce you to my new favorite artist , Nidhi Chanani . I first stumbled on Nidhi 's work on etsy , which is an online community for buying and selling handmade items . I was immediately in love with her whimsical , joyful drawings . Once I found her personal website and bio I realized why the art brought such a smile to my face - while Nidhi was born in India , she grew up in California , is married interculturally - and infuses her art with the diversity of her life . Raj was a half - Nepali / half - white American who bonded ( much like Ray in the movie ) with his wife over the fact that both he and she were from half - South Asian / half - American families . As Raj 's wife told me , " My father is Indian - Gujarati , but my mother wasn 't - she 's Hawaiian . My dad was Hindu and we would do a puja , and my mom was Christian and we would go to church … I was so confused as a kid ! Thats how Raj and I bonded ! " These types of interactions help me to think about and contextualize my own potential children 's potential identity crises when they are older , and think about the consequences various influences , or lack thereof , might have in their lives . Also interesting in the film was the portrayal of two sets of " white American moms " in intercultural relationships . Ray 's mom wasn 't interested in assimilating to Pakistani culture , while Ray 's friend Sana 's mom was really interested in the culture . The first time you see her she is wearing a salwaar kameez during the family initiated dinner date . A surprised Ray says to Sana , " Hey , your mom 's white ! " and Sana sarcastically replies , " She is ? " So last night P and I went out with a big group of people to a casino for New Years . Before we left I wanted to buy a bottle of champagne in case we weren 't able to find any later in the evening , but with the chaos of organizing transportation for everyone … it didn 't happen . I wasn 't necessarily gung - ho with the casino idea at first , but once we got there we had a lot of fun - checking stuff out , doing a wee bit of gambling , dinner , watching the ball drop on giant screens in a big buzzing crowd . Shortly after midnight I was trying to find a glass of champagne to complete the evening but had to leave the casino abruptly when I had to drive someone home ( an hour drive away ) . I told P he could stay , he looked like he was enjoying himself , and there was no need for both of us to leave and cut the evening short . He protested that it was New Years and we should stick together , but I insisted - " stay , I 'll be up when you get home . " When I got home , I starting watching a movie while I waited for P to get back . He didn 't have a set of keys with him , so I had to open the door when he arrived . He was catching a ride with a few other people in the group . It was nearly four when he got home , and I was still very mad at the person I had to leave the party for earlier that evening . P called me on my cell phone and said he was downstairs , so I put on slippers to go open the door . On the other side was P , standing in the snow with his arm extended holding a plastic grocery bag , " I 'm sorry … I went to four places looking for champagne to bring you , but nothing was open . So instead I brought you a bottle of [ my favorite flavor of soda ] . Happy New Year . " That little gesture helped to melt away a lot of my anger . P is not a very verbal guy - he doesn 't say , " I love you " very much with words . But he really shows that he cares with his actions which are very genuine and kind hearted . Sometimes it 's the little things that really make the difference … like looking for something to cheer me up at four o ' clock in the morning on New Years . After the famous " pretty woman " comment , where we stood ( friends , more than friends ? ) was a bit ambiguous . We continued to study together , go to movies , eat at the cafeteria with groups of friends , but a lot went unsaid . I would later learn that in a lot of ways P isn 't very vocal about things , particularly feelings . Where I often talk too much , he often speaks too little . Meanwhile , P was pretty popular amongst many of the girls in I - House . He is a very friendly guy , caring and chivalrous ; he would do absolutely anything for a friend ( even to this day ) . There was a while where I wasn 't sure if I was imagining his interest in me or if it was real , maybe he was just super friendly to everyone ? But I knew I was interested . My high school sweetheart ( HSS ) went to the same university and also lived in the International House . We began drifting apart awhile before the school year had started , but I had trouble acknowledging this , and felt very loyal to this previous ( and my first ) long serious relationship . It wasn 't until I met P and became close friends , that I was able to start realizing that the other relationship wasn 't working out , and it took some time to decide what to do . I was realistic though … I was young , and I knew that if I felt something for P , I didn 't want to live life not knowing what could have happened if I didn 't give it a try . It took a little while to finally break it off with HSS . I remember right after the " pretty woman " incident I was having tea with him and another friend outside the campus bookstore and I mentioned to him the conversation that I had with P the night before . The friend made the typical " ooohhh , scandalous " type of comment , while HSS said something to the effect of , " C has a lot of male friends . I 'm not worried . " Over the next few weeks I tried to mention to HSS that I enjoyed spending time with P , and that I might be falling for him . I tried to be honest , and I tried to spark a discussion , but I think HSS was in a bit of denial . He kept brushing off my comments . " P is just a friend , nothing wrong with that …”, " P is a nice guy , you have lots of nice guy friends , what is the difference ? " At the same time I wasn 't even sure if I was imagining P 's interest , and I was worried I was trying to break off this other important relationship in my life for something that didn 't exist . Finally there was a brief school break . HSS when back to our hometown , P went on a trip to Canada with other international students , and I stayed on campus to work . I found myself hoping that HSS would stay home a little longer and P would come back a little sooner , and that 's when I knew I had to make my move . When HSS came back to school we sat down and finally had " the talk . " Yeah , I might have had a lot of " guy " friends , but this was different . I had to have time to explore . I couldn 't live my whole life not allowing myself the opportunity to know what else was out there . I felt like a huge jerk . I knew I was breaking the heart of one of the most important people in my life , but I felt like I had to do it , I couldn 't keep up the false pretenses . We kept the breakup private … but when you live in a close - knit dormitory like the I - House , rumors and gossip constantly fly . The trouble was … HSS had lived there a year before I , and was friends with a lot of the other people there , particularly a group of South Asians , including P 's high school friend AC , as well as a very outspoken Pakistani guy ( PG ) . They didn 't really know what was going on , or that HSS and I had ended our relationship , but they knew I was his girlfriend from high school and they saw me hanging out with P a lot … and they didn 't like it ( I mean , AC already told P that I was " weird " and " not to bother " with me ) . I used to hear all sorts of things , particularly from AC and PG . They were mean in a sly , under - the - table , passive - agressive kind of way . They would make loud comments about " honesty " and " loyalty , " and other stuff like that , they would try to keep P away , and they would say nasty things behind my back . I was definitely cast as the " bad guy . " HSS was a better person than I probably would have been if the roles had been reversed . He was adamant that we continue to be friends , and he stuck up for me when the others wanted to have a complaining session . We would still have lunch in the cafeteria , which probably only served to confuse the people around us even more . Anyway , one night I decided I was going to find out if P was serious … I was determined to find out what he was thinking . It was about 11 o ' clock at night and I went to his dorm room to chat . He had mentioned that he had to go to the library to return a book ( PG was working the circulation desk ) . It was raining … and I offered to accompany him to the library across campus . As we walked I tried to muster up the courage to just lay it all out on the table , but by the time we reached the library doors I hadn 't really said anything . We went inside and P gave PG the book . The South Asian guys often ordered chicken wings from a local place for late night snacks , and PG was asking P if he wanted " in " that night . P said sure , and PG told him that he got off his shift around midnight or 1 am , and the chicken wings would come to the I - House around then . We spent the entire night out there . In true high context fashion , nothing direct was really said , and the two of us skirted around what we actually wanted to talk about . However , I think we both understood , and by the end of the night I realized that it was a done deal , we were going to try this thing out . I didn 't care though . I was really happy . I am still really happy . So too bad for the people who wanted to make it difficult in the beginning ! For the first week or two I knew P , I couldn 't for the life of me remember his name . I knew it started with a P , and that it sounded similar to the last name of another Nepali student who lived in the I - House that I had met the year before . I really try with names , because I think they are important , and especially in my current profession of international student advising I have to know names of all sorts , but something about P 's name just didn 't stick . Maybe its a family thing , because later on my mother and grandmother couldn 't do it either . In fact , to this day , both of them still don 't say it right . Anyway , during those first few days on campus most of us referred to P as " the new Nepali guy " ( at least when P wasn 't around ) so it was easy to not come across his name on a daily basis . One morning I found myself in the nearly empty college cafeteria and P was the only person I recognized sitting at the tables . I sat with him and made small talk , but it was awkward to sit with him and not properly know his name . If I continued chatting with him , eventually I 'd know the guy pretty well and I 'd look like an idiot if I had to ask . So I tried to play it real smooth … " we call Abhishek Abhi and Omprakash Om , so do you have a nickname you go by ? " he told me , and I quickly forgot it before the end of breakfast . The only name that would stick in my head was the last name of the other Nepali guy that sounded similar to P 's . Meanwhile P and his friend AC were talking about some of the people in the I - House , and eventually P asked , " What about that C girl ? She seems nice , " to which his friend replied , " Ah , she 's just weird , don 't bother with her . " A few days later P and I realized that we worked the same early morning shift in the campus library . I sat at the circulation desk while he worked in the interlibrary loan office . That first morning he walked in I gave him an enthusiastic wave and he thought to himself , " AC is right , she is weird . " Yet regardless of my naming issues and P 's friend 's discouragement , we became fast friends , and started studying in the I - House computer lab quite frequently in the evenings together . I remember being very studious back then , in part because I enjoyed spending time with him . I use to teach him phrases in French , and he would write down some stuff in Nepali . We were dorky , but had a good time , and never really thought of each other as any more than friends . Then one night , as our dear friend S likes to take credit for ( yes , the same S of momo fame ) , things started to change . S had somehow come across a DVD that he thought was really good back at his school in Maine and assumed that P would like it too . To my knowledge , I think this is the only time that S has done this , but he mailed P the DVD , and P decided to show it one night in the I - House lounge . The movie , " East West , " was half in French and half in Russian . P mentioned the movie in passing and asked if I 'd like to watch it due to my interest in French . As with most random I - House movie screenings , the movie started with about four people on the couch but ended with half a room full of people sprawled out all over the place . Once the movie was over everyone filed out of the room - P and I just happened to be the last two to leave . We were chatting while walking down the hallway . It was a weekend , I hadn 't really showered , and I was disguising my somewhat - too - greasy - hair with a handkerchief . As we walked P said , " why do you wear that thing on your head ? " Little did I know P was making a reference to Roy Orbison the singer of " Pretty Woman . " He was known for wearing dark sunglasses , which I never wore , but I think maybe P was confused with Buddy Holly or some other random 60s singers who wore thicker rimmed tortoise - shell glasses . I wore glasses at the time ( and continue to wear a similar style ) that had a retro tortoise - shell type of look . Roy Orbison is actually not very attractive , and perhaps if I knew what P was talking about I would have been a little confused or even offended . Instead it planted a seed in my head … why would he say such a thing ? Does he have feelings for me ? Why would he put himself out there if not to let me know he liked me ? Poor P , he wasn 't used to an American girl 's way ( or at least my way ) of over analyzing these kinds of things . In fact he was just making an innocent comment , even if it came across a bit corny and romantic , he assures me that at the time he didn 't actually think of me as more than just a good friend . Yet from that moment on my approach to him was based on my perceived interpretation of his feelings for me . Instead of me reacting to his pursuit of me , I actually started pursuing him all on my own ! … and , what South Asian story about " Pretty Woman " would be complete without a link to the " Kal Ho Naa Ho " Bollywood movie scene of Shah Rukh Khan singing a Hindi version of " Pretty Woman " ? ? ? At least the " pretty woman " ( Preity Zinta ) in this song is also wearing tortoise - shell glasses ! Enjoy …
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" Fine , fine , " the Devil laughs . " Listen , Vincent , I 'm here for one reason only , and you 're here for one reason only , and that 's for me to buy your soul ; to make you an offer for it , anyway . So tell me . What 's it gonna take ? What do you need from me if you 're going to give up Central and its ways and come and work for me instead , in this life and the after ? " " Reassurance that it 's the moral path , then ? " the Devil says . " Reassurance that it 's doing the world a kindness to side with me instead of the other ? " " Tell you what , " Vincent says . " You gotta make me smart enough to bargain this out with you , free of charge . Smart enough to see through your tricks , smart enough to figure out what you 're really saying , and if it 's just a trick anything I give up to you is out . " " There 's no way I can make you that smart , " the Devil says . " Look at it the other way around : if I 'm not tricking you , then I 'm practically breaking the rules right there ; and if you want me to trick you , but make you so smart that you 're not fooled , and get what you want from it anyway - well . So let me tell you what I can do . I can give you three questions , free , Vincent . Three things you can ask me , to decide what you 'd like to do . And I 'll tell you right now that I 've got a trick worthy of the Enemy himself , which is to say , I can 't promise you that walking away and turning me down is the right and moral thing to do , much less the way to save your soul . " " Oh dear , " says the Devil . " That 's point three . I 'm afraid , Vincent , that there ain 't no way to save your soul ; and as for walking away and turning me down , well , that 'll make you a slimy worm in the end , worth less than a gobbet of my spit . " " Seriously ? " Vincent asks . The Devil raises an eyebrow at him . " That 's not a question , " Vincent says . " That 's a . . . an interjection . " " Seriously , " the Devil says . " It 's because - he 'd probably say - in all the stories of the Devil , people don 't win by walking away . They win by beating me . Of course , that 's mostly seeing as the stories where I win are the stories they don 't tell - but still . He 'd want you to win , and put me in some sort of chains , because that 's what the stories suggest to him and because that 's basically what Central 's fundamental philosophy and methodology is , in re : fiends . Do you want me to suggest a question , Vincent ? " " Really , " the Devil says . " Just throw out all those centuries of tradition , all those stories , Central 's own bleeding methodology , just because I hinted at it in answer to a question that you asked me your own self ? You 're a wicked child , Vincent , a wicked child and an unruly one . " " Yeah , " says the Devil . " You leave now , and you get everything you 've ever wanted . Though not , I should say , very much of it ; just , you know , some . A little here , a little there , a bit of every dream of brightness , and then you 'll die , if you 're lucky , or you 'll drown forever , if you 're not . " " I 've got great things to offer you , " the Devil says . " Seriously . Magic carpets . Fire in a bottle . Wealth and treasure . I could probably even swing a bit of dharma , though , to be honest , it 's not like you don 't have one so much as that it isn 't what you 'd like . " " Isn 't that OK ? " Vincent says . " To just go back to the simple life , and have a family , and games , and books , and fun , and a purpose , and one day do some good in the world with what I know ? " " I can 't answer that , " the Devil says . " I 've given you four answers , ' interjection ' or no , and a prize . You can 't expect me to be your friend . " She is in a room bulked out with shadows . She is in terror and the dark . She is scratching , desperately scratching , to get her name down on the wall . There are failing - gods and flying - gods . There are great stretchy gods drawn in crayon . There is a terrible black dog . There are twelve humans worth the fearing . There are twenty humans who are not - secretaries , psychologists , a system administrator , and the like , who had collaborated with the monster and survived but gained no measure of his power . There is a ragged thing . There are footsoldiers and two contemners . There is a long - legged beast and a scarab bomb . There are remembering gods , and an angel and a half , and fiends in a motley crew . They are an ungainly force . They are escapees from a disaster and not an organized and deadly host . Still , they are an army , and the bulk of them are gods . A notebook . An apple . A few texts - Behavioral Psychology , and the like . Half of a ham sandwich . The other half she ate . And most disturbingly Harold 's head . " If she is strong , " Melanie says , " we are in danger . If she learns strength , we are in danger . But she will not be strong . " Back before they 'd been rousted out from Central , Melanie had biked to work every day . It 's normally a healthy and environmentally conscious habit , but in the end it had killed Harold and she 'd nearly pulled a muscle leveraging his corpse off of her bike . Then she 'd sawed off his head with her broken bike lock and left the rest of him there to rot , so in the end , it wasn 't a very healthy or environmentally conscious habit after all . She opens the corpse 's mouth . She looks inside it clinically . She pushes on its nose . She rolls open one , and then the other eye , but they just close again . What he wants to say is something about how shattering someone 's will is wrong . But he fails to do so . Harold 's head has distracted him completely . That 's Vincent 's voice . He 's terribly glad that it 's his voice . For a moment , he 'd thought it would be the corpse 's . Melanie holds the head up high . She turns it to face the facility on Elm Hill . She says , " Oh , Harold , dear , you 're dead . " The scream of Harold 's head is like a bird , at first ; and then it is a horn ; but Melanie has grit her teeth and put behind this deviant act the fullness of her strength , and she sinks that long shout low . It becomes a rumbling . It becomes an organ sound . It becomes a shaking of the earth , a burgeoning and world - completing and a trembling cry , resounding off the world and sound and sky . There is only so much sound that one ought to be able to make with a single breath . This beyond that by a hundredfold . There is an additional , secondary limit on the sound one can make . He isn 't the defiant boy that once she met . He 's gone all pale and all weak . He 's standing there and his mouth is moving and she thinks he must still know her name ; It 's not easy to talk about the torments of the octopus - bodied snake - headed bird - beaked hydra god . You have to put yourself through a mental wringer just to figure out where the bird 's beak goes , and that 's before you even get into the torments . But you can . Later , in 816 , the wolf of space comes down to eat the Earth . It takes Anatman himself to go out there and stop it . Alchemy doesn 't work and people don 't have nuclear weapons yet and longbows are notoriously ineffectual in space , but Anatman , he goes out to where the wolf is ravening towards the world and he says , " The Earth is bigger than your head . " It 's shocking . It 's terrifying . It 's not even technically or literarily possible . It 's like suddenly reading a book that the writer hasn 't even started writing yet - that 's how unexpected the rising of a firvuli can be . It fumes up from her soul like the steam from a fresh corpse 's blood and it looks at him , it looks at him , and suddenly instead of a baby girl or a firvuli he 's looking at THE END . Today , he shakes it off . Today , he laughs . Today , he scruffs the baby 's head , and he plucks the firvuli from her soul , and he kisses it lightly on its brow . " It 's OK , " he tells it , cheerfully , and hugs it close against his heart . " It 's OK . You don 't have to fight me . You don 't have to be afraid of not existing . I do it all the time , and it 's really not so bad . " So he carries the firvuli away , off to the lands of fable , to live estranged from the humans and the good earth and the wind . He carries it off to the borderlands of the world , to live in the blink - and - you 'll - miss - it , in the corner - of - the - eye , in the hypothesis , the supposition , and the edges - of - the - map . He takes it away from the earth to the fairy regions , where hydras and great wolves and firvuli were still allowed to be , and he tells it the secret that cuts it off forever from the world and sound : that nothing ever ends . That everything 's always ending . Well , that wasn 't the noble truth we were expecting ! Still , you 'll probably have to wait another week before we allude vaguely to a different noble truth instead . In the meantime , you could But soon her pride gives way to tears , and she says , " I 'm sorry ! I 'm sorry ! Oh , Diana , don 't wake up . " She 'd shaped the girl as best as she could over the grueling months at the potter 's wheel . She 'd made Diana to resist the lure of darkness . She 'd made the girl to have some good in her . She 'd tried , as was mandated by the law , to care . And her daughter , whose name is thus Diana , she takes into her arms , and she weeps , and she prays , " Let you be sacred . Let you be sacred . Let you not be damned . " She is an astronaut . She has earned her place on the first manned Mars mission by being approximately 40 % better than any man . Yet still there is the fear . " Helen Alexandros , I will give you power . I will make you immortal . I will give you wings . But it is God 's will that you should destroy the Earth . " She opens her mouth . She lets forth a lick of sound , just enough to make a person 's head explode ; and Diana 's face grows crisp and frizzed with black and her eyes are horrified and startled in it . But as Illudium turns away she knows that something is terribly , obscenely wrong . " They were here before your God , and they will be here after . They are the filthy things , the horrid things , the gambolers in dark places , the cold , cruel , evil lustful things , the piping praisers of the darkness at the heart of the cosmos . They are eternal and they do not yield . " That all that which she has valued in her life is false . That the structures of the world that should sustain her are nothing more than waypoints of purity thrust into an abyssal darkness that even the burning eye of God does not illumine . That reality is madness ; and life , as malleable as clay . " There 's a need to pay the price for sin , " Iphigenia says . " Otherwise the world goes out of balance . And there she is - sinning - " The screw comes off . The pipe separates ; a numinous mist of chaos fogs out into the room . Martin reaches a long skinny arm into the pipe and begins to feel around . Something bites him , and he pulls back a finger swollen , red , and black . He sucks on the tip and thinks . " It is an old miracle , " says Martin . " To substitute an animal for a sinner at the moment of a sacrifice . It 's so old that even humans started doing it , but originally , it was a trick of the gods . " Martin rummages around until he finds a pair of forceps . He reaches into the pipe . He pulls out a spiny eel , its long white mouth - tendrils reminiscent of a beard . He holds it up , unhappy . Then he takes it to the window and tosses it back into the sea . " Even Stalin 's ! " " Communism , then , " Ink says . " Communism and capitalism . They split the world in half . One of them 's screwy and the other one never worked and whole generations grew up in fear until some drunk gorgosaurus puttering around in Party HQ knocked over the USSR . Was it some kind of weird gorgosaurus metaphor ? ' Look how deep our political theory is ! This side can wear Russia like a condom whose time has come and the other can kill nuns in Nicaragua to keep America safe ? ' " And it was the nature of Iphigenia to know that chocolate is not deaf to pain ; that a Cadbury creature pressed into service as a messenger is not insensate or without desire ; that to leave it there was wrong . But to stay would have been more wrong . So she had left the bunny there to burn in her stead . The thing that is swimming towards them is larger than the tower ; larger than the sun ; quite possibly larger than the sea . Its tail is lashing and there are storms for that reason everywhere in all the world . Its name is Andhaka . It was once a dream of Mrs . Schiff 's . Martin moves swiftly . He drops from his perch and catches the shutoff valve for the stage . He 's pulling it down with his weight and his feet descend onto the gears . He heaves it down the last few inches until it clicks . Mrs . Schiff is walking out on the bridge now . She is looking at the creature now . It rises over her and there are blind and questing tendrils at its mouth . There is a wave that crashes and tears upon the tower walls and over the bridge , and only barely does Mrs . Schiff keep her grip upon the railing . Andhaka 's head comes down . Its mouth opens wide . It shrieks . Then it pours itself into Mrs . Schiff . It is an endless rippling tide flowing from the chaos into her soul . One of them is Andhaka . Andhaka is a great blind beast . He is white and enormous and shaped like a seal , and a long horn protrudes from his head . The beast Andhaka is rushing for the tower . It is rushing on a current that reaches from the farthest edge of unmapped existence to the shores of Santa Ynez . It is driven by madness and by blood in the water . It is driven by strange hungers . They have been crashing against the tower 's base all night . Some have crawled up the tower 's side , moving with the swift jerky motions of the fiends of horror . They have reached windows , drawn infallibly to the light , only to have Martin or Mr . Schiff hit them with a lantern and knock them back into the sea . They have pounded at grates and swum through an ancient crack into the Gibbelins ' abandoned emerald - cellar . Posted on May 9 , 2005 by Jenna 4 Jinga the Sea Monster is wobbly and fierce . He is hideous and horrid . He sits in the Council beyond the Edge of the World and he judges . Lester the Adorable Earwig is a giant squiggly earwig . His nametag designates him adorable . He sits in the Council beyond the Edge of the World and he judges . Pecuny is a silky ooze . There are bits of many colors in Pecuny . They are not admirably arranged . Pecuny sits in the Council beyond the Edge of the World and he judges . " Not until they are dead , " Lester says . He squiggles about in mild agitation . " We have rules . They may still redeem themselves while they 're alive , you know . " Diane picks up her salad fork , malevolently . She takes a bite of her salad . She chews . She chews her salad like each bite is a genocide . " What 's it set to ? " John asks . His voice is ripe with evil ; there is good probability , Pecuny assesses , that he is even at that moment indwelt by the Devil . Jinga dives through the mirror and into the human world . The sound of the car as it strikes the sea monster is the sound of death come to huckleberry . There is Jinga splashed on the windshield and on Diane 's new suit and on Diane 's face . Diane sprains her ankle as she falls . Daniel works at his desk . He balances accounts . He looks for discrepancies . He reads the records of the dreams of the people of Babylon , and searches them for meaning . It is the hope of his masters that he may discover corruption and incompetence within Babylon 's bureaucracy by correlating the records and the dreams . " I dreamed , " Daniel says , " that the people of Judea fled from a lion , and were met by a bear . The bear was bitten by a serpent , and the bear and the serpent tore one another apart . Then I flew away and was suddenly naked . " " Then , " says Daniel , " I ask that the Lord be merciful , and redeem this man . Move his heart , and have him release us from captivity . I have seen into his soul , and there is hope for him . " Siddhartha has wandered for six years and several months . He is tired , and he has not found his answer . So he sits beneath a bo tree , and he says , " I must assume the burden of their dharmas . I must conquer the world . I must break the chains that hold Mylitta 's gods . I must devour everything that is . " He snaps his fingers . Mana , an incubus like a giant stick - bug , answers Belshazzar 's call . He is wearing a minister 's robes . " Release the gods from their bindings , " Belshazzar commands . " And tell them : ' Go . Make horrid revel , or strike down the armies of Kuras , or help the people of Babylon , or hide under the beds and fear the dawn ; do as you like . Serve your nature . Go free . ' " " Tell them that their long pain is answered , " says Belshazzar . " Tell them that Nabonidus is gone . That Mylitta is gone . Tell them I have won . Tell them that it is time . " " They will be afraid , " says the incubus . " There will be fiends that burrow in their skin and move their hands like puppets . There will be angels preaching unimaginable hopes . There will be ghosts of the things they cannot let go of . There will be cruel claws under the bed , and black wings in the sky , and purple light in the depths of the city . If you do not lead them with a strong hand , fear and doubt will break their minds . " " It is not for me to judge them , " says Belshazzar . " I would go mad . The power I have in Nabonidus ' army - I would go mad ! Should I choose whom the gods shall make puppets , and whom they shall exalt ? Should I command the hungering beasts , ' Eat those who stray from the traditional morality , but leave the rest alone ? ' When someone sees an eye in the darkness , shall they say , ' Ah , Belshazzar wishes to know what it is I do ? ' " " I am alone , " he says . " I am an orphan . I am naked in the face of the world . Let them be the same . Let them face the infinity of gods and sort out their own judgments from among them . " Over the horizon , he can see them come . They are swift . They are terrible . They are an army of horror , summoned from the world to answer Maya 's need . And Maya names them as they come : The celebration rages through Babylon . It is punctuated by screams and cries of ecstasy . And Daniel stands before Belshazzar , and says , " My people cannot be here , Belshazzar . Living under your rule will destroy us . It is time to let Judea go . " " I find your people wanting , " he says . " I will devour you . I will break your faith and prove your Lord is meaningless and in so doing I shall unmake everything your people are . " Belshazzar laughs . He cannot stop laughing . He shouts , into the air of Babylon , " It 's so ! It 's so ! I will judge myself so ! " This time was full of sorrow . If a banshee howled , then someone would die . If a mermaid called you , you would drown . If a witch cursed you , you would shrivel and suffer ill fate . Such was the nature of the banshee , and the mermaid , and the witch . If Coretta 's Lion had your scent , then it would hunt you down , and eat your skin and muscles , bit by bit , and you would take three days to die . The world was full of things like that . The worst of the predators of this time were the predators of truth . For there were things , things like Death , and Sickness , and Old Age , that declared their truths supreme . It did not matter what your purpose was . Theirs would overwrite it . In the end , you could not defeat them , because it was the nature of their truth to mean more than your own . They were a very exclusive club . The monster was such a thing . He was such a predator . And he was undefeatable . And it is because there were monsters , and because there was death , and because there were truths like theirs , that the world was broken , and the gods were cast from the world of truth into the heart of emptiness . This is a place of deep water , but the man is parched and dry . Fruit is dangling from the trees all around him , but he is terribly thin . His name is Tantalus . The deepness of the water has put a silence on the woglies , but Martin still feels edgy and twitchy down in his soul . " Hey , " he says . " What makes that okay ? " " A hero is a storm , " Mylitta says , " and storms are terrible . But there is a place above the storm where the air is calm . And I do not know how . But I could feel it , like I could feel the wind and the sunlight . That he had found that place . And so there was no single specific moment in which the monster could be killed . " I had fruit , " Tantalus says , " Only a few decades ago . But I would still like some water . If you could hold up some water for me to drink , I would love you . " " I thought they were people , " Martin says . " I thought they were my predecessors . But when I touched them , it turned out that all they were was dust . " " In the face of the monster , they were lost , " Tantalus says . " They had no meaning that could compare to his own . So they were cut from the Earth , torn away , and made into isn ' ts , lest the monster 's dharma set a new order on the world . It was my doing , in a way ; my children could not have learned the truths that make a monster had I not stolen the secret of the gods . " " If you accept a purpose ; " Tantalus says . " If you declare something to be your answer to the emptiness ; then you must accept the consequences of that answer . It is desirable , for gods as for men , to shrink from that burden ; but in the end , it always catches you , and , if it so pleases , it tears you apart . " Her answer is light and teasing . " And who is not ? If you were born to cause suffering , my love , then I should name you a monster . " There is a light that roils under Mylitta 's skin , and then fades . There are great wracking coughs that shake her , and violent seizures . Then Mylitta stops . Her head lolls to one side . Her eyes dim . Nabonidus looks blankly at her . He steps back . His arms fold around himself for comfort . There is a great bulk behind Nabonidus in the room . It is white , like a maggot , like the wriggling young of flies . It is leonine . It is soft . Its name is White Lion , and it is a god . The creature pads forward . It says , " I have asked her to leave this place , to come away with me , a thousand times . But she has always said no . I do not think she will deny me today . " It is a terrible thing , that roar . It is like a wind tunnel that blows away the qualities of the world . Nabonidus cannot see . He cannot touch . He cannot taste . He cannot smell . He cannot hear , save for the roar . Nabonidus is on the floor . He does not know how or why he is on the floor . But Mylitta is gone . So he does the only thing that he can do , in answer to her emptiness . Yasodhara studies him with the eyes of a goddess . " A very small fiend , " she says . " It lives in his gums . It locks his jaws in that smile . There are bone passages connecting his teeth to his ears , and this allows it to whisper to him constantly , ' people need not suffer . ' It is a painful fiend , but it has convinced him not to mind . " ( " If only ancient India had had proper dental hygiene ! " Jane exclaims . " He could have brushed the fiend right out and put it to use saving the world ! " There is a snuffling in the room , and the clicking of nails on stone . A cold wet shadow passes over the footprints of White Lion , the altar of Sin , the blood Mylitta left behind . Then the creature he has made , the Dog of Nabonidus , brushes past and around him and leans against his side . The Dog looks at him . Its eyes are expressive . It is almost as if it wanted to say , It is the monster 's nature to consume his victims . The Dog pants , quietly . If it could speak , Nabonidus thinks , it would no doubt say , She did not wish to . In the end , she chose to leave you with the burden of the contradiction of your lives . " One of us must pay the price , " Nabonidus says . " And you think I 'm not strong enough . You think I 'll bend . But I won 't . I 'll make a host like you have never seen , and send them after you , to make you whole . You won 't escape from me . I will fix you . " " It is not the cause of suffering , " Maya says . " It is the answer to it . If you have power to dictate the ephemera of the world , you may release things from their suffering . " The wheel burns in Maya 's hands . It is a jeweled treasure wheel , thousand - spoked , with two winky eyes ; and now it is on fire . It grows great and terrible , and there are wheels within the wheels , and wheels within those , and it rolls towards Siddhartha like the coldest and deadliest of the killer - gods . And as it touches him , and burns his arm , he falls back ; but it is Maya , and not Siddhartha , who screams . Sebastien emerges from the shower , wrapped in a towel and using another on his hair . He is almost clean , but not entirely . The monster is waiting outside . " No , " Sebastien says . " It 's just that if you 're someone who kills monsters , then there must always be a monster to kill . You can 't fix anything , you can 't solve anything , you can 't make any kind of difference unless you 're lucky enough to do the matter - antimatter thing and burn out with your enemy in a blaze of glory . It 's safer to be someone who can kill them . And even then - " " To go all the way means being death . It means being a killer . Even if it 's someone who kills things like you . And it means being part of things like you , even if it 's the part that ends them . " " This is a place that takes everything from you , " he says . His voice is thick and heavy . " I came down here , and I was strong , but I can 't keep that . Not in the Underworld . " " Because there cannot be a poor rich man , " Martin says . " There cannot be an earthworm in the sky . There cannot be a man who is not a man , or a bird that is not a bird , or a void that is not empty . I am the architect of suffering , I am its source and its foundation , and I am good ; and because these things cannot share one form and nature , I am severed from the world . My purpose fails because it is a contradiction , and contradictions cannot endure . " " This is the secret of the monster , " Mylitta whispers to him . " It is not random . It is not chance . And none of it is blind . The line of Amiel could not escape her oath , but they could twist it , and they know the secret of the gods . They know that we exist for a reason , that we respond to purpose , that we are bound by the laws of our nature that we cannot break . " " That is the reason for Belshazzar , " Mylitta says . " He will not answer the monster . He will break the question . He will destroy what it means to be a god , and I shall have my Elli . " " It 's not the monster who 's hurting Jane , " Martin says . " I won 't claim that . I won 't be a passive observer . If I 'm going to shape the world through suffering , I 'm going to be the one who shapes it ; and the monster 's responsibility won 't ever negate mine . It 's my job to make sure that suffering transforms . " There are some who say that Chen Yu broke the world . There are some who lay the blame on Belshazzar in Babylon , or Siddhartha Suddhodana 's son . A few blame Mylitta , or the monster , or even Maya , for all that there was nothing she feared more . " I wanted to cleanse you , " Mylitta says . Her voice is soft , distracted , and dazed . " I wanted the power in our love to rise and consume us both . I wanted it to take away your pain and make you clean . It could be sacred . It could fix this . The world could still make sense , Elli . " Nabonidus only shakes his head . His voice is sorrowful and certain . " We are hero and monster , " he says . " We dare not be that close . " No one 's eyes are on Nabonidus . A great field of barley is near the castle wall . Each passing second , it grows a little nearer . It spreads across the road . It reaches the wall . The wall dissolves at its touch . The field spreads inwards . The guards assigned to Nabonidus turn to look and give a shout , but it is too late . Instead of playing in his room , the boy is in a field of barley , wriggling away on his stomach and elbows , invisible in the grain . Soon he is outside , and beyond mortal capacity to discover . He rests for a moment , and sits up . " Ninlil , " he says . His goddess appears . She is the first god of his emptiness , the first creature wrested from him : a goddess of the grain for the house of Harran . Her hair is the color of straw , and she is smiling . Nabonidus flops his head back and forth . He 's somatizing an internal conflict . " I know , " he says . " But it really hurts . So I want to run away . " " If you stay , " she says , " your Mom will hollow you out . Then you 'll fill up with gods . You 'll have lots of company . And we can do stuff for you ! It 'll be neat . " " Send Enlil , " says the monster . She is the monster of 572 BCE . Her name is Adad - guppi and she is Nabonidus ' mother . " Send Enlil , and he shall hunt them down . " " Nabonidus is a young boy , " the monster says . " He will use his power . Where people were starving , there will be harvests . Where people laugh at him , grain shall grow from their ears and nostrils . Where he passes , he shall make the world more orderly with his god . By these things Enlil shall find them . " Nabonidus travels . Where people are starving , Ninlil makes the harvest . Where people tease the young and ragged boy , grain grows from their ears and nostrils . Where Nabonidus passes , the world grows more orderly . At last he and Ninlil reach the sacred river . " But I wish to bathe , " Ninlil explains . She strips off her garments and shakes out her hair . She bathes herself . The sky above thunders with Lord Enlil 's wings . Enlil flops his head back and forth . He 's somatizing an internal conflict . He looks around for a moment . " I do not see the wayward boy , " he says , in an exaggeratedly loud and clear voice . " Perhaps , while I consider how I might best find him , this bathing maiden and I could make love . " Nabonidus is pale and unhappy . He does not have good associations with these words . He whispers from the grain abutting the river 's banks : " Tell him no . It hurts . You are too small and do not know how to stretch . You are too young for kissing . Also , your mother would be upset . " Ninlil looks down at herself . She is a fertility goddess and somewhat uncertain as to how she can best present this argument . She opts for a deadpan delivery . " My parts are little , " she says . " And you would be uncomfortable . Also , I am too young . My mother would slap my hand if she saw us making love . My father would shake my shoulders . " " I will build a boat , " Enlil declares gallantly . " In the water , our making love might embarrass her . But not in a boat ! Inside the boat is outside her proper jurisdiction ! " Enlil , busily , begins assembling a boat . Ninlil , noticing Enlil 's distraction , ghosts quickly over to the bank and dries off . She sits down next to Nabonidus . " I don 't want to refuse , " she says . " He 's hot . Besides , if he gives me his seed , then I 'll have power over him . It 'll help us get away ! " Ninlil sighs . She pats his hand . " I 'm sorry , " she says . " Sometimes we don 't get the answer we want when we 're hurt . I 'd be an angel if I could , for you , but I 'm not . I 'm just Ninlil . " " I will be certain to look you up later , fair maiden , " lies Enlil in a loud , clear voice as the fiend drags him away . " Or you can find me . My name is Elli . " No one is watching him . The moon is bright in the sky . Moonbeams pour down into his window . Suddenly , Nabonidus jumps onto a moonbeam and runs up into the sky . " After him ! " shouts the captain of the guard . The other guards look at one another . One tests the moonbeam with his foot . It makes his foot highly visible , even though it is night time , but it does not support his weight . Nabonidus is beyond mortal capacity to catch . " Sin ! " Nabonidus says . His god appears . He is the third god of Nabonidus ' emptiness . He is the moon god , terrible and powerful , an old man whose beard is made of lapis lazuli and whose cap has bull 's horns . He takes Nabonidus ' hand and leads him into the palace of the moon . " I am the gate of honesty , " the moon god says . " I am the guarantor of the word of kings . Do not lie to yourself here . " " I don 't want to go back , " Nabonidus says . " When I am bad , I am hurt until I can 't stop screaming . And I don 't want it to happen again . " There is a long quiet . Then Nabonidus looks up . " I am to become a monster , " he says . " If I am a monster , then other people can be hurt instead . " Nabonidus shakes his head . " No , " he says . " It 'll just mean that I can 't be bad any more . To be happy - " He gestures . It 's a gesture of uncertainty . " There is no path from here that leads to happiness . I 'm not supposed to be happy . All I can be is pure . " " I will give you aid , " says Sin . He walks to his window . Nabonidus follows . He can see events that are very far away . Sin 's light shines down on the husk of Ella . The servants who tend her , fearful lest someday the hero awake , draw back in terror . They watch as Sin fills the hero 's womb . Her water breaks . Two children are born . " Go down before your mother kills them , " Sin says . " Claim the girlchild for your own . " " I have named you her guardian , " says Sin . " Her protector . Her god . It is your destiny to care for her , and watch over her , and set an order to her life . There is no one but you who may judge her . There is no one but you who may do her harm . What you must achieve , you must achieve through her . If she chooses , she can kill you . When you accept this duty , you will become a man beyond the monster 's capacity for harm . " There is a fiend in the temple , wearing a blank brass mask . The fiend is weak and dare not act , but still it mutters to itself . " It is not possible that he has the right to do such things , " it says . " I look to the universe and its laws . They say : he may ! But what of my personal morality ? He tramples it so carelessly ! " Ninlil is gentle . She is smug . " Oh , my lord , " she says , in softest tones . " You have made the future of this land . " The light of Sin shines full into the room . There is moonlight all around the ruin of Mylitta . It shows every bruise and every mark . The moon shines on Nabonidus as he clenches and unclenches his hands . He cannot decide between exultation and despair . Moonlight pools around the child - god Belshazzar , who has formed by the altar as the answer to an unanswerable circumstance .
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I am Kathleen Tonski . I live in Monticello with my husband , Bug , our 2 dogs , 4 cats , 2 with tails , 2 with not , chickens , two ducks and a handful of gold fish . I have Stage 4 Lung cancer and Sittinonaporch is my journal of this journey . Something to help me to let go and find balance , to remember the moments of this journey as my memory clouds . This is the latest photo of our porch . Hopefully more photos of this special little porch to follow . And that is my honey next to me Larry died at 1 : 34 pm yesterday . Richard , Colleen and I were with him . His cousins Calvin and Bonnie had been able to call and say good bye to him before he was gone . I am so proud of him . He died well . His head had 5 large knots of swelling encompassing the back of it . I pointed that out to the nurse . That and he was struggling to breath , so they got the doctor 's approval and started him on morphine . They were able to give him a dose every hour under the tongue . You could see a huge change come over him once he started the morphine . I had not realized how much he was struggling to live and communicate with the world he had known for 60 years . He was trapped inside a body that had turned against him . Once she gave him the morphine , he quit fighting and struggling and you could actually see him turn and face death . He had been drugged when I got there Friday night with hydrocodone injections every 4 hours . Even though he looked like a zombie , when you looked into those bleary half mast eyes , you could still see him in there . He knew I was there , and he knew who I was . Everyone at the facility , along with his friends and family who were also taking this journey with Larry all said the same thing , " He was waiting for you . " And I could see that my self . He changed completely when I came in and picked up his hand and smiled into his face . A face that within a few short weeks had changed drastically . He had obviously lost a significant amount of weight . He was not eating , and he could only swallow things like milk shakes . Pudding was getting to be more then he could consume . His life was extremes just like it had always been . His brain was shutting down and his physical changes were obvious . The mental state , not so . If you really looked at him and watched him you could see the subtle expressions and emotions hidden deep inside . Even through the drugs I could see that he recognized me , and was happy to see me . My heart aches . I wish it were as simple as we had a " normal " marriage . It was complicated , and the last 3 yeaI have never sat next to someone as they died . When they unplugged my Mother I could not take it . I left . Larry took me away , he did not want me to remember her that way . I sat next to Larry and sang our lullaby to him . On Friday night he reacted strongly to it , making distress noises and putting his hand up to his face . My first reaction was that I knew I am not a great singer , but come on . I teased about that , and then picked up the song for him . After that we mostly sat there and simply held hands . I spent Saturday morning together , and again we just sat and I held his hand and rubbed his head , which is how I first realized the change in the shape of his head . He still seemed to relax and enjoy the feel of me running my hand over his head . Simple little basic needs . Everyone at the Hospice facility were amazing , kind , helpful , knowledgeable and so comfortable to work with . They made Larry so comfortable . Several of the staff made comments about how they had come to like him . He was much more lively then the average person passing through the facility . He was also at the facility longer then many of their patients . And no matter what else you can say about Larry , he was charming . I spent a little time with Richard and then slipped into my Toy with the top down and aimed north . I needed the open road , the blue sky the solitude . I had just experienced something so hard that I needed to give myself time to process it . It was almost intoxicating to watch the end of Larry 's life as he gave himself to the process and freed himself from the pain and prison his body had become . There was a joy , a fleeting joy , and then the reality that he was gone . Relief that he will no longer go through what he has been through these past several years . Relief that I will not get a call in the middle of the night where he has broken down south of Perry , has no money , no gas and has not eaten for several days . But relief does not compare to the grief I am feeling . The deep sense of loss . Twenty five years of joy and laughter and tears and frustration . And all of those emotions tumbled round in my head and heart and started coming out in weeping and mewing noises . They flew out of the car as I drove north for 3 hours , flying in the wind releasing the pain as my heart broke open . The mewing grew louder and more primal until I felt as if I would hyperventilate and started questing myself if I were going into shock . I would pull over before I had reached those moments . And so I drove and pulled over and wept for years of loss , past and future . And then back on the road mind spinning away with a million details that need to be taken care of . Then stop to call a friend for support . Then back on the road . It made for a long journey . I allowed my heart to crack and break , to wallow in my grief and loss . I had no control over the noises being emitted from my very deepest darkest self . But I gave into my most primal feelings and as I wept and grieved I could feel that it was for all the loss Larry and I had shared over more then 25 years together . I just gave in and did not try and hold back on any of it . I was alone in my car , and in my solitude I was able to completely let go and release so much pain and hurt . Such intimate moments , that it is even hard to write them down here . To be able to admit that I was able to let go so completely , as well as express such deep searing pain is hard even here now . But I need to release that , and hope that it is respected as my own personal experience of loss and not to be commented on . When I got home , I sat and wept more . I made a few phones calls when I was able to distract myself away long enough to be able talk . And the entire week has been hard . Monday I went to work and had my blood drawn and then went to auditions , so a very long day . Tuesday Tamara picked me up before 7 at the McD 's around from my house . We got home around 4 , so a very long day . Wednesday I met with the nurse and then Dr . M . He told a medical student that he wanted her to meet because I was such an interesting case . I said , " Am I really ? " he seemed geniunely surprised and responded that yes , I was a very interesting case . I told him that it was just my life , so I had no idea that it was interesting . Then he discussed the lab results with me . Not really the best news . My white blood cell count is down and my liver enzymes elevated . Dr . M asked me how long had I been on the Tarceva . He thought it had been a month . It had only been 5 days . That changed everything . He is going to move me down from 100 mg to 150 mg . Sigh , the drug does seem to be working , but too good . Dr . M gave me a shot of growth hormone and sent me home . I was a bit depressed , I admit it . For the most part I feel as if I keep a positive attitude most of the time . I feel hopeful and lucky and gifted most of the time , but I am only human , sometimes I get depressed . And Wednesday into Thursday , I was depressed . I could feel things coming to a close with Larry . I was nervous about my body handling the Tarceva . According to the blood work , my body had not come back enough for me to have a normal IV chemo , so it felt like my options were disappearing , just as I was starting to forget that I am dying . I was starting to look forward to life , and was managing to get the morbid sense of humor under control so that I could focus more on the present instead of constantly worrying that I will not die well . I tried retail therapy Thursday after having lunch with Geeta . It was wonderful getting to sit and talk and be with someone I enjoy spending time with , that was great . But the shopping did not help . I found a shirt I liked , but none of the pants fit . They were all a little big in an 8 , and were 6 inches too short . Ms Denise asked me if I was trying clothes on in the petite section . I told her that I had taken the clothes off of the rack in my area of the store and had roughly measured them by holding them up for comparison . I had to use the fitting room in the petite section , and by the time I got to the fitting area the pants had shrunk up to peddle pushers , or is the correct term , clam diggers ? Regardless they were a length unsuitable for my taste and I left with only my shirt . Sigh . Friday we celebrated Eric 's 60th birthday at the office . I brought in pizzas and chocolate cake with sodas . I left right after work and headed down to Brooksville to be with Larry . I have missed blogging this past week . There was so much I wanted to take off my chest and out of my heart and release into the dance of the words . One night a beautiful thunder storm interrupted my blogging opportunity . Working on Nergal with Judy took another night , depression and plays and work , and life at home as well as trying to step up and get things prepared for Larry . It has been a busy , stressful several weeks . Now the worry and concern I have been dealing with are now replaced with grief and loss and sorrow . But these are emotions that will give way as I find places in my heart and memory to keep the good times Larry and I shared . The bad continues to fade away . I want it to fade away . I want to be careful not to loose the lesson , but to loose to pain . And these past many weeks with Larry have taught me so much about myself and my ability to forgive and forget and to forgive myself for fault I had always put onto him , that I now understand my part in them . Remove the guilt and hate and anger and pain . Emotions that I did not even know I was holding on to . Today was the Garden Circle . I didn 't go . My sorrow is still too close to the surface . I can not predict when I might start to weep , or worse , openly sobbing . It is uncomfortable sharing that grief . I didin 't want to be the center of attention . I didn 't want to be around people , even these dearest friends of the garden circle . I just couldn 't leave the house . I have been outside for a short time working in the garden . Too short of time to accomplish anything , but still outside in the hot winter / spring sun . And so beautiful . But the need to record this week and take what my mind remembers and my heart still hangs on to . Now it is recorded , shared reluctantly out to the ether , but the need to record it so much more important to heal then to hold on to it and continue hurting . Now to sit back in the sun , maybe pull weeds , maybe just go back out to the middle of the pasture and lay down with my face in the sun . That is the place Larry and I went to when we found out they had completely removed our little house and all the plants around it on our property on Pine Island . Together we lay on our backs side by side and held hands and remembered all the joy we had in that little house . We sat up and watched the sunset as it painted the western sky . The colors blurring through tears as our past felt as if it had been obliterated from the face of the earth . We loved that little place , nestled into a forest of tropical and subtropical plants filling the air with color and scents intermingled as butterflies floated from flower to flower filling the entire world with an Oz sort of feel . A tiny little home nestled up in the tree tops hidden from the outside world . With a canal weaving in and out of mangroves always flowing out to the warm gulf . Gone . And now Larry 's body is gone , although he still lives in many hearts . And death is back sitting next to me reminding me that it is a fairy tale to believe I will live forever . Or that I will even have the same time as someone else my age without cancer and hepetitus C . Two diseases that make my life , this journey " interesting " . And I welcome the healing that comes from driving in my new toy with the top down and the radio on and just releasing the deep sorrow and loss I was experiencing . And it felt like Larry was picking the songs on the radio . At first they all seemed to be about death . No , I don 't mean that I was in the mood that everything sounded like death . I mean the songs for 30 minutes all had death in them . Like Stairway to Heaven , Eric Clapton 's tears in heaven , and every song in a row focused on loss and death . Then the next many songs were sung about not forgetting someone . Of people leaving , I 'm leaving on a jet plane , for example . Finally I realized that I was laughing , not wailing . And I was laughing over the irony of the music choicesRest Larry , you died well and good . You were all mine . I used to always say that when he was doing something silly or crazy to show off . And here is the lullaby . It is not the same writing it down as it is , rubbing his head and quietly singing to him as he would go to sleep at night , or sometimes for naps . His feet scraping back and forth on each other . LoriMarch 13 , 2011 at 1 : 53 PMI am without words except I love you and I am so sorry . Rest in peace Larry . ReplyDeleteMaggie MayMarch 13 , 2011 at 2 : 39 PMThis is one of the most poignant , beautiful , tender and deeply touching pieces of writing I 've been privileged to read . Thank you for sharing . I 'm so sorry for the loss of your Larry . ReplyDeleteLisa Page RosenbergMarch 13 , 2011 at 2 : 52 PMThinking of you with love . ReplyDeleteLucy At HomeMarch 13 , 2011 at 3 : 38 PMI 'm so sorry for your loss . ReplyDeleteSydMarch 13 , 2011 at 9 : 39 PMI too am sorry to hear of Larry 's death . I am glad that you were there with him . And that you held hands . What a wonderful thing to be there so that he was not alone . He felt your love , I am sure of that . ReplyDeleteJillMarch 14 , 2011 at 3 : 53 AMThinking of you and of Larry . ReplyDeleteMs . MoonMarch 14 , 2011 at 2 : 19 PMYou both , you and Larry both , did such a wonderful job getting him across that space we all come from and must go back through . I don 't even begin to have the words to tell you how I feel about you and your worth in this world . Even " I love you " doesn 't begin to cover it . ReplyDeleteRolanda McCoyMarch 16 , 2011 at 6 : 21 AMSo so sorry to hear about Larry . Our thoughts and prayers go out to you . Larry 's memory will always be in our hearts . ReplyDeletedeb colarossiMarch 16 , 2011 at 3 : 14 PMI agree with Maggie . . . an honour to readhugs to youReplyDeleteAngella ListerMarch 20 , 2011 at 6 : 54 PMthe feet scraping back and forth one one another reveals such an intimate knowing of your larry . i know you will miss him . and that is as it should be . still , i am sorry for you loss . grateful for this sharing . ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . .
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Synopsis Dante Sinclair never cared about his family 's money . All the young billionaire ever wanted was to be a cop ; and now that he 's a homicide detective in Los Angeles , he 's a damn good one . But when he is injured and loses his partner in the line of duty , he returns to his vacation home in Amesport , Maine , to recover . Sarah Baxter , a brilliant young doctor still struggling with her stifled upbringing , has recently moved from Chicago to sleepy Amesport to escape her past , hoping to find peace . When Sarah is assigned to Dante 's case , there 's an instant heat between them . They couldn 't possibly be more different , yet their igniting passion is impossible to ignore . As new feelings awaken within Sarah , her haunted past returns , threatening her once again . But can Dante overcome his grief and discover the secrets Sarah is hiding in time to protect and rescue her ? About Author J . S . Scott J . S . Scott is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of steamy romance . She 's an avid reader of all types of books and literature . Writing what she loves to read , J . S . Scott writes both contemporary erotic romance stories and paranormal romance erotics . They almost always feature an Alpha Male and have a happily ever after because she just can 't seem to write them any other way ! She self published in April 2012 with no experience at all . " I put together my own bad covers and edited the stories myself . ( Big mistake ! ) I used KDP Select when I first started and offered up the stories for free , alternating the freebies . To my surprise … I actually started selling some books . " Then she really hit it when she started working on a serial romance trilogy that readers started to follow enthusiastically - The Billionaire 's Obsession , which she eventually packaged into a " complete set " last February , selling the lot for one very low price . " I was lucky enough to have the book sell very well … well enough to hit the USA Today and NYT Bestsellers . Since then , I 've written complete novels that have also done well . " Jason Luke is an Australian man who lives on the far South Coast of New South Wales with his long time girlfriend . Jason publishes a Blog where he posts free snippets of erotic romance fiction every single day . To find out more about Jason 's daily Blog , click link → jasonluke There is also a Jason Luke Fan page on Facebook which is run by a team of dedicated fans . The page is not connected to Jason . It has currently around 10 , 000 likes . Blog Facebook Fan Page Amazon Author Page Release blitz is scheduled to take place on April 25thReview optionHTML 's and media packets will both be supplied . Synopsis : Seven years ago , a secret had torn them apart , but their love always pulled them back together . Things have taken a turn for the worse , and once again , circumstances have brought them together . Can Rachel continue to hide behind her past , or will she stop running from the one man she would love forever ? Can Marshall get his girl back , or will it always be a complicated cycle of make ups and break ups ? Sign up - http : / / goo . gl / forms / xGvVp74spq 0 Comments Shifters and witches ? Forbidden on pain of death . Might as well stick a fork in a light socket . Yet those are the kind of sparks witch princess Sophia Blue feels when she meets wolf shifter Noah in her aunt 's bookstore . But Sophia is stuck . Her aunt is missing and Noah , the last person to see her , is Sophia 's only hope . If not for that and her aunt 's new , cute little doggie , Sophia would run as far as she could from the sexy , hard - hewn alpha . Noah 's stuck too . Before disappearing , the aunt hit him with a hex gone horribly wrong - he 's the doggie . By day he 's fifteen pounds of yippity - yip , and with five anti - alpha wolves nipping at his heels , that 's deadly dangerous . Only Sophia can help him , but she has lost her magic . Warning : Sinfully sexy alpha thrown together with a hot witch in a small town . Sass , sparkle , a meddling aunt , snafus , growling , fighting , and oh yeah , sex . Might want to get up to date on your shots . Crane - her - neck tall . A smooth prowl , all muscular grace , extraordinary strength and endurance . A fall of black hair over a high , regal brow . He was total alpha - powerful , deadly and sexy as hell . Definitely a were , though . His honed jaw was textured by the rough black morning - after - sex stubble all male wolf shifters seemed to have . Her body splashed with a hot me want of desire . Power shows in the eyes . This man had power , and to spare . She was stunned by irises of pure silver around pupils which opened to her like velvety black pools . She fell in and happily drowned . " Noah , finally , " Mason said . " I found Marlowe , but he 'd already gotten rid of the … " He cut Sophia a glance . " The thing . I read the kid the riot act , made him do some work around here and sent him home . " " Good . " Noah 's answer was for Mason but his gaze was still locked on Sophia . He took a step nearer , his eyes flashing . " You 're Linda 's niece . " " Yes . " Nervously , she fingered her pearls . Those gleaming silver eyes knocked her off - balance , drilling into her very thoughts . She sucked in a breath , got a lungful of hot male and nearly imploded when her body zinged like every hormone she had was shouting alleluia . Damn it , no . He was a shifter . Worse , he was pack alpha , bound to be mated . An ex - witch slavering after a mated alpha ? He lifted her hand from her pearls and brought it to his nose . Finally those remarkable eyes closed as he inhaled . A tiny , appreciative smile curved his lips , as if he were enjoying the bouquet of a fine wine . " You smell amazing . " His voice rippled with a low , sensual growl . A half step closer , him or her , she wasn 't sure who . Their auras kissed . A thousand butterflies jigged inside her . Pure male heat rolled over her skin , edged with virile , wild magic . A tremor hit low in her belly . If she leaned in a fraction of an inch , she 'd touch him , flesh - on - flesh … she swallowed hard . Touching him might be like completing an electrical circuit , and she 'd be the one fried . " Look , I 'm trying to find my Aunt Linda . " Title : Losing Me Series : Finders Series Author : Ivy Love Publication Date : March 27th , 2015 Isabella is struggling to keep afloat in her marriage . She 's doing everything she can to make it work , but it never seems to be enough . She has a quiet strength lingering beneath the surface , she just needs someone to release it . Isabella 's best friend Liz , is wild , happy and carefree . She 's suffered in the past and now she 's looking out for her . She 's finally getting to a place where she feels comfortable with herself again . Now she just needs to embrace it and stay there . Two best friends who support each other until the very end . Will they make it through with their hearts in tact ? Or will life as they know it forever change . Don 't miss out on Losing Me , book 0 . 5 in the Finders Series . Amazon US ~ Amazon UK ~ Amazon AU Thank you so much for taking the time to visit me and check out who I am . I 've never been really good at these things but here we go ! When I was in grade school , I was your classic nerd . I spent more time reading books " above my grade level " and getting lost in them , than paying attention to the people around me . I loved the journey each book would take me on , I still do . When I was thirteen I picked up a pencil and wrote my first hundred page story . It was then I fell in love with writing . That moment I realized that I could not only lose myself in books , but in my own words . I currently have several works in progress , but this is the first time I 've ever decided to share something . Thanks to some serious encouragement from some amazing authors and friends , I 'm taking the leap . Whether you end up liking my work or not , I truly appreciate that you took the time to stop by and check me out . It means the world , because honestly I never thought I 'd be here in this position today . Em Petrova lives in Backwoods , Pennsylvania , where she raises four kids and a Labradoodle named Daisy Hasselhoff . Her dream is to buy an old pickup and travel small - town USA meeting people and hearing their stories . Her heroes are hardworking - in bed and out - and she is known for panty - scorching erotic romance . * * * WARNING * * * This book is intended for 18 + due to strong language , violent scenarios , and sexual content . This book is the completion to the book Tryst . It is NOT a standalone , and it DOES NOT end in a cliffhanger . After having the love of his life walk away , Tristan is left with only one option , to find her and bring her home . He finds the help he needs in locating her from a most unexpected source . But no matter how much he wants her by his side , he knows she will never agree , so long as Darla is out there looking to destroy her . Bentley has made some hard decisions in her life , but none harder than walking away from the one person she 's come to love more than life itself . She knows Darla will never stop until one of them is dead . Having Tristan by her side just leaves him at risk , and gives Darla an extra piece of leverage to torment her with . ' If you love someone , set them free . If they come back they 're yours ; if they don 't they never were . ' Richard Bach What happens when you just can 't let go ? When you know without a doubt they belong with you , but will never come back ? * * * WARNING * * * This book is intended for 18 + due to strong language , violent scenarios , and sexual content . Bentley Celeste is a witty , foul mouthed , reclusive , dark romance writer . She lives her life in solitude , hiding from her painful past and the one person hell bent on destroying her future . She doesn 't have time for relationships and has no interest in allowing anyone but her best friend into her private little sanctuary . Tristan Reece is sultry , sexy , and jaded . He also happens to be the cover model for Bentley 's long time acquaintance , Electra . He believes everyone who he loves is going to betray him , and then walk away . Though he carries the reputation of a ladies man , Tristan prefers to keep his heart and his bed empty . A chance meeting blind sides Bentley as she 's nearly trampled by the giant wall of muscle that is Tristan . Tempers aren 't the only thing to fly . Bentley may not have any interest in Tristan , but after getting his ass handed to him through a verbal assault , he can 't forget the tiny Spitfire that sparks more than just his fury . Both are stubborn , with the will to fight against each other until the very end . Will Tristan 's determination be enough to fight the demons lingering in Bentley 's shadow ? Or is Bentley 's fear strong enough to tear them apart . Arie Lane is an avid reader and stay at home mom to two beautiful little boys . When not writing or chasing them around she is usually catching up with other Indie authors and constantly keeping up with new blogs . She loves to connect with people and is proud that she finally had the courage to put some of her crazy thoughts into written words . From the time she started reading her nose was always stuck in a book and she 's couldn 't be happier that now she 's encouraging others to get their noses stuck also . Even if her readers are of the + 18 variety . Travis Curran spent his childhood surrounded by physical abuse , until he could take no more … His father has a drinking problem - he liked to take that problem out on his family . His brother has a drinking problem - he liked to take that problem out on Travis . At the age of eleven , Travis was forced to run , forced to leave his sister , the only mother he ever knew and flee to Washington , DC , with a man he doesn 't know . It should have been simple ; his sister was to follow a week later - But she never arrived . Alone and homeless , Travis survived . He survived with the help of a boy who became his best friend , his brother in all but blood . He survived with the help of the family . Today he lives a life of secrets , a life of wealth but also of crime . He enjoys this life - until the moment his past catches up with him . This is the story of an exceptional man , a dangerous man . His life in his words . This is the story of Travis Curran . Dan , my sister , my family , they had all abandoned me , they had all forgotten about me and I felt very alone . I watched people , couples holding hands , families playing together and the pain I felt inside intensified . I was on my own and I had to make the best of it . I didn 't leave the park , opting to lie on a bench once the night fell . It was a mistake . At night the drunks came and I guessed the bench belonged to one when he grabbed hold of my jacket and dragged me off . I landed in a heap on the ground . He was rambling , something about the war . " Fuck off , " he growled . " I 'm sorry , " I said as I scrambled to my feet . I headed for a small wooded area , slid down a tree and waited for the morning . The days had melded into each other , I lost track of what day of the week it even was . I only knew it was the weekend because the streets were less busy with suited people scurrying to and from work . The weekends were the hardest because that 's when I would see families , moms and sons walking and laughing , brothers and sisters playing and that loneliness would hit me like a punch to the gut . I noticed a couple of boys , slightly younger than me I guessed . They were playing ball , tossing it to each other . I watched them for a while , smiling at their laughter as they had fun . I was itching to join in , to do something normal like playing catch . One threw it too far and it landed at my feet , I was still sitting with my back to the tree that had been home for the past two nights . I picked the ball up , stood and walked towards them . They smiled at me and I smiled back . " You wanna play ? " one said . I nodded my head . " Throw the ball , " the other called out , jogging backwards and raising his arm , ready to catch the ball in his mitt . It was nice to hear someone talk to me . That was until their dad appeared . He snatched the ball from me and without a word , grabbed the two boys by the hand . One child looked over his shoulder as he was hauled away and he gave me a small smile . Despite my promise never to cry again , I cou ~ ~ ~ " What do you want to do , bro ? " I asked . If we 'd been aware of their presence in time I probably could have outrun them . " Pull over , let 's see what they want ? " I pulled the car to the kerb and waited . A cop tapped on my side window . " Permit , " he said . I handed it through the open window and he took a while studying it . " Exist the car , slowly , both of you , " we were instructed . Two police officers , who had obviously been waiting , gestured for us to get out of the car . As I did one of them grabbed me by the arm and slammed me face first on the hood . He pulled my arms behind my back and cuffed me . Robert and I looked over at each other ; he gave a very slight nod of his head . Being picked up by the cops had always been his worst nightmare , but that nod told me he was okay . I wasn 't too worried , the police could do nothing to me , I was too old to be sent back to New York . In silence they placed me into the back of a car , with Robert in another , and we were driven back to the station . The only thing I told them was my name and address as they booked me . Still cuffed , they marched me along a grey corridor . The walls , the floor , the metal doors to cells were all the same depressing colour . Apparently cheerfulness was not the look they were going for . They released my wrists as they closed the cell door behind me . I rubbed at them , a little pissed at the unnecessary tightness of the cuffs . I could walk from one end of the cell to the other in four paces . Robert was going to freak - not that he was claustrophobic , but he hated confinement . I flipped the stained mattress against the wall , sat on the metal frame of the cot and waited . Eventually I was taken by a cop , again in silence , to an interview room . I sat and smiled at the sour - faced female guarding the door . He cheeks coloured a little . A few minutes later she was replaced by one of the cops that had pulled us over , and his sidekick . " Travis , my name is Detective Mallory … " I cut him off . " Can you tell me why I 'm being held here ? " " Jo ~ ~ ~ A wooden bedstead dominated the room , its mattress in a cloth protector , and on either side of the bed were small nightstands . I sat on the bed and looked at Alison standing in the middle of the room . She stared straight back at me . No words were spoken as she took the few steps required before she was standing between my knees . Her hands cupped either side of my face . I ran my hands up her legs , catching her dress and raising it . She leant down for a kiss . Her lips gently pressed against mine . I opened my mouth and my tongue tangled with hers . My hands had come to rest on her hips and I held them fast while pulling her closer to me . I could feel the lace of her panties under my fingers . Our kiss deepened ; I was hungry for her . I stood , and as I did I raised the dress over her head . She wore a matching lace panty and bra set , somehow that pleased me ; I 'd hoped she had dressed for the evening . Her tanned skin set off the white of the lace . She reached forward and unknotted my tie , sliding it from my collar , and with an agonising slow pace she undid the buttons of my shirt . Her hands brushed against my chest , lower and lower as each button was popped open . While she unbuckled my belt I shrugged the shirt from my shoulders , letting it fall in a heap on the floor . Alison ran her fingers around the waistband of my pants , her nails scraping gently against my skin . She popped the button , undid the zip and with my pants in her fists , she lowered them as she sunk to her knees . 5 - Star Reader Reviews . . . . This book was brilliant and intense . I felt Travis ' anger , fear , resentment and love to his " family " ie , Robert , Evelyn and Joe . He is a multifaceted character . He has all the usual emotions you would expect from one who has had a rough start in life but he is also fiercely loyal and protective to those he loves . He is also HOT and sexy and is incredibly charismatic . Yes , that is why I love him ! This lovely by the incredibly talented Tracie Podger gets five stars from me . ( But in my heart it deserves 100 ! ) ~ Kerry - Ann ( Kez 's Corner ) This book is simply spectacular . It tells the story of Travis , one of the pivotal characters in The Fallen Angel Series . I defy anyone to not fall in love with Travis from his turbulent childhood , through his journey of self discovery and sexual awareness ! It 's a compelling , gripping story that grabs a hold of you immediately . This author has the unique talent of completely immersing you in her world with her descriptive and enthralling words . Travis will live in my heart always . . . ~ Karen S . About the AuthorTracie Podger currently lives in Kent , UK with her husband and a rather obnoxious cat called George . She 's a Padi Scuba Diving Instructor with a passion for writing . Tracie has been fortunate to have dived some of the wonderful oceans of the world where she can indulge in another hobby , underwater photography . She likes getting up close and personal with sharks . Tracie wishes to thank you for giving your time to read her books and hopes you enjoy them as much as she loves writing them . If you would like to know more , please feel free to contact her ; she would love to hear from you . She will be signing in London , York , Dublin , Birmingham and Aberdeen in 2015 , and Liverpool , Leeds , Essex , and Dublin ( to date ) in 2016 . Please stop by if you can ! Alice Tribue lives with her husband and daughter in New Jersey . She has a bachelors degree in communications and is currently working on her masters degree . She spends most of her free time reading , writing , and when the weather permits lounging out on a beach . Harry is all about the three F 's - fun , freedom and females . Deciding to go see the world while he has no responsibilities , He wants to see as much of the world as he can , experience life and the many delectable women it has to offer . Then he meets Megan , a blonde Angel who turns his world upside down and changes not only how he thinks , but what he wants . Then a decision is made and their seemingly solid elationship cracks . Can Harry get Megan back ? Or was it too late ? Find out in book four in The Connected Series . KA Hobbs lives with her husband in Essex . When she isnâ t lost in a book or creating one , she loves to cook , swim and shop . H r happiest times are always when she is surrounded by family and friends . S e is a little obsessed with the Tudors and would love to go back to that period in time . O e day , while watching TV , a scene came to her , completely out of the blue . S e could see the scene unfolding , could picture the characters so clearly . S e couldn 't get to her laptop quick enough and spent hours writing not only that scene , but lots of others too . S e will happily admit to being grumpy when she doesnâ t get to write , she loves her characters and spending time listening to what they have to say . KA obbs is currently working on other books in The Connected Series . Kee up to date with new releases from the connection series on Facebook and Twitter . Fac book - https : / / www . facebook . com / KAHobbsAuthor
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It was a spur decidion that saw Cindy and Kelly decide to duck out late one night to the all night store . The girls being the young spritley things they were thought they would just quickly walk there and grab some snacks for the sleepover . Kelly was sleeping over at her best friends house and better yet , they had it to themselves . They weren 't stupid , but seeing how they were in a country town and only ten minutes away they were sure they 'd be fine . Cindy was the main voice behind going , she wanted to have fun drinking and watching TV and also listen to music . Cindy was the daughter of very well to do parents , she was always being labled as the spoiled daughter . The truth was she was very down to earth and was always thankfull for what she had . At 17 she was still a girly girl , her blond hair still in pigtails and her cute round face , with gorgeouse smile really made her a popular girl at school . Not to mention her very well devaloped body . All ready she had breasts that made guys mouth water . not to mention a great pair of legs and smokin hot behind . Her friend Kelly was similer but had come from a much less fortunate family . She was a humble young girl who had a very kind nature and loved her family and friends . In contrast to her friend , Kelly had long brown hair whiich framed her face nicely . She too had a slim body and nice complexion . Of course she wasn 't as attractive as Cindy but was still very pretty and had many poeple that would just love to get their hands on her young body . After putting on some warmer clothes the girls locked up and then headed out the front door , they then quickly went up the street . It was a cool evening with a clear night sky , the girls pointed out different stars and constilations to each other . a few minutes of walking saw the girls crossing a bridge and heading into the main area of town . As they walked they passed a nearby park , a group of guys were hanging around . the girls tried to pass as quickly as possible , who knows what kind of people are around late at night . kelly for some reason shot a glance over and saw that there was a group of about five , four of them were black and one she made out to be Asian . Kelly smiled and the girls made their way to the checkouts . They got their stuff and paid for it and began the trip home . Kelly wasn 't sure if she wanted to pass those guys again but decided she shouldn 't be so paranioid . The girls soon reached the pathway and moved quickly by the park , upon seeing the guys from before , who were now keeping a close watch on them . After a few moments the girls felt safer and then headed home with a much more cheerfull demenor . They arrived home and entered through the front , grabbing all the food and drinks they had brought and put it on the table . They put on some music and started having some fun , putting their PJ 's on and mucking about the way girls do . Cindy and Kelly were the best of friends and loved spending time together , there wasn 't a day when they weren 't in contact one way or another . " i 'll just tell em what they want to hear , hold on a minute " said Cindy turning down the music and heading to the front door . She put on her most sorry face and opened the door expecting to see a neighbour . Instead the group of guys from the park stood in the doorway . The rest of the group entered the house and locked the door behind them there were about seven in total . The two girls both began to scream and struggle , hoping someone would hear them . They were both slapped violently by a member of the group . Two of the group were getting into the food and guzzling down the various drinks the girls had brought . One of them then turned the music up and the they all huddled around the two girls . They all had their hands on there crotches , their eyes staring hungrily at the girls . After a few moments , Kelly was grabbed and tossed over one of the mens shoulders , carried up the stairs kicking and screaming . Cindy was suddenly swamped with black bodies and felt hands wonder all over her body . She heard buttons pop and felt her pants whipped down as she was held inplace . Before long she was naked on the couch before the group of about three black men , all had jackets and bandana 's on showing soem sort of crest . Cindy tried to push the hands away but was constintly being slapped or punched in various parts of her body . She let out one last hight pitched scream before a black body came over hers and she was silenced by a huge black cock . Kelly had been taken into the master bedroom and flung onto the bed , a black guy and an Asian looking guy stood at the end of the bed . They were both smiling and begining to undress , Kelly backed up on the bed knowing full well what they intended to do to her . " you should count yourself lucky , your friend down there 's getting more cock than you for now , just me and Kwon here " said the Black man with a slightly menacing tone . They then got on the bed with Kelly and both got up near her , she tried to get away but was grabbed and molestered as they ripped her Pyjamas off her body . it wasn 't long before they had her bare naked and were wrestling with her on the bed . The black man jumped on top of her and began to kiss her as he moved his hand up her sleek body , moving it between her tits and then taking one in his hand . The Asian man grabbed her legs and pulled them apart , revealing her smooth bald pussy , he licked his lips and knelt down between her legs and started licking her snatch . kelly began to wriggle her bum , trying to evade his motions but having little success . The black man began kissing her and forced his tongue into her mouth , Kelly 's attempts at resisting him actually french kissing him back unintentionally . The man moaned into her mouth , continuing to squeeze her teenage tits , he loved their young tenderness and couldn 't wait to fuck this broard . He stopped the kiss and moved his head down her body and took her right tit in his mouth , taking as much in as he could . Kelly once again emitting a scared little whimper . Kwon still lapping her pussy , feeling it react involantary against the girls wishes , he could sense her inexperienced cunt begining to get wet and excited . He loved tasting this girl and loved it when she tensed and her thighs closed around his head . Kelly of course was doing this unintentionally but she couldn 't stop the feeling in her pussy and to her regret the way this complete stranger sucking her breasts was actually exciting her . She tried her hardest to deny it and struggle against this attrack , she was being raped , but somethig inside her was exciting the deepest darkest parts of her . Suddenly the black man sucking her tits got up and told Kwon to move away from the girls crotch , he couldn 't wait anymore , he needed to be inside of this white bitch . He loved fucking white chicks and over the years had fucked many , he also figured he must also have fathered a lot of their children . now he hoped he could continue his run and be the one to knock up this little bitch , but he had a lot of compitition . He swapped places with Kwon and after rubbing the lips of the teenagers pussy he positioned the head of his cock against her entrance . Leroy laughed and began to gather momentum and started a rythem , fucking the scared Kelly really ferociously . Tears were streaming down her face as the reality of the attack was setting in , her body trembling as she was raped . Leroy had become quite rough with her , squeezing her tits really hard , and also slapping them . Kelly would whimper and let out cries of distress as the muscular black man plowed into her . " you got no idea what you and your friend are in for " said Leroy really humping her with hard strokes , his groin would collide with hers , making loud slapping noises . kelly couldn 't help but let out moans and cries , " Ah ! Ah ! Ah ! . . . nnhhh ! ! " arghhh ! " Leroy took a tight grip of her young hips and really went for it , he felt his balls tighten and would soon blow his load . He was a bit dssapointed , she felt so good and he was ready to cum already . He pulled her lower body to him as much as he could and fucked her hard and fast , rocking her young body back and fourth . Grunts would be forced from the girl as their bodies collided , Kelly herself becomming nothing but a fuck doll . Kwon would distract her a bit by kissing her and licking her face . Leroy was ready , he felt his cock twitch and knew he was imminant . ' you ready bitch ? , ganna flood your white cunt ! " Her pleads fell on deaf ears and not a second later she felt a warmth spread through her young little pussy and probebly her wombm had cum inside her . Leroy groaned as he squirted more and more inside the girl . He loved cumming inside these white bitches and was always hoping they would get knocked up . He slumped over Kelly , his sweaty body dripping on hers . Kelly was crying histericlly , she felt his cock still inside her and now was struck with the fear of possibley falling pregnant . A minute later , Leroy got off her and stood up next to the bed , he laughed at her and then placed a hand on her cunt . He parted her lips and immediately found cum was leaking from her pussy . He smiled and then moved his hand up to her flat white tummy . Leroy gave her a stare and then walked over to her and without any hesitation slapped her very hard across the face . Kelly 's head cracked sideways and she immediately slumped on the bed . she moved her hand to her face and rubbed her red cheek . " By the end of tonight , you won 't say a word about this , we will make sure of it " said Leroy walking away and then leaving the room . Kelly tried to get off the bed but Kwon immediately shoved her back on it and then jumped on her , pushing her on her stomach and started to maul her body . kelly wrestled with him a bit but was overpowered and forced on her stomach . Kwon grabbed her hips and lifted her ass into the air , he ran his hand up and down her cheeks , loving her smooth white arse . " damn , you gotta a hot arse girl " said kwon as he positioned himself behind her and guided his cock to her pussy . Kelly was crying again , her whole spirit had been shattered . Before Kwon could start another one of the gang entered and watched , Kelly figured he would be the next one to fuck her . Kwon began to rub her pussy with his fingers , he wanted to make this girl betray herelf and cum . kelly herself began to react to the stimulation as she had before and this time she could barley resist and when Kwons thumb found her clit she let out a cry , except this time , it was all pleasure . Kwon smiled and then as she untintentionaly swung her cute butt , he entered her smooth wet cunt . Kelly 's breath got louder and she lowered her head as her back arched . Deep down she felt like she was nothing but a whore , she was being raped and now she was enjoying this . She didn 't want to , she hated this whole thing , but now that she had been cum in and possubly pregnant , something inside her told her she shoud just except it . kwon slammed into her , grabbing her round hips and fucked her ferociously . Kelly felt her clit being toyed with , her insides were now spasming as pleasure was sparking inside her like a fire . only her sense of strength and detirmination to not be taken by these men stopped her from giving it away totally and fucking him back , but she feared that soon she would be broken and become part of this depraved act . Kwon was sensing this too and continued the assult , gyrating his hips and playing with her clit so ferociously that his hand was almost completely soaked with her secretions . The gang member who had been watching now had his cock in his hand and decided he wanted some of this white little whore . he moved toward her head and grabbed her by the hair . She looked him in the eyes and after he smiled at her evily , he forced her mouth open with his hand and inserted his cock . kelly groaned at this intrusion but was so taken by her pussy assult that she just did it and took it in her mouth . The gang member skull fucked Kelly as Kwon fucked her doggy style . he moved his hand that was on her hip and used it to part the cheeks of her arse and after leaning over and giving her asshole a nice long lick , he inserted his finger . nnhhhhhh ! ! ! " groaned kelly as she felt her ass being assulted , she couldn 't say , much as she had a mouth full of dick . Her pussy was on fire however and now a feeling had ovetaken her , She was so horny now that she almost no longer cared . Her pussy was getting so hot with passion and sexual fire that she felt like it was burning . The thought of more cum inside her was now becomming more of a want than anything . With all of this happening she was sucking the black guys cock with viger , playing with it 's piss hole with her tongue and really sucking it like never before . The last of her innocense lingered , tears still rolled down her cheek as thought of what could happen after this . the voice was still there . Kwon then began to power fuck her for all he was worth , slamming into her with jackhammer thrusts . He stopped toying with her cunt , instead grabbing Kelly 's hand and moving it there , she moved he rfingers so they were on her pussy lips . He knew that is she did it herself she was broken and would do pretty much anything . and as if to signify the end of her innosence and defiance . Kelly began to masturbate herself , as Kwon fucked her like a rag doll . kwon laughed and leant over her arched back . he then moved his head to hte back of her neck and bit her skin like a dog would it 's Bitch . Kelly didn 't care anymore , her cunt was almost ready for release , she was frigging herself so fast and the cock working inside her was driving her so mad her body was trmebling . Kwon himself was almost ready and began to slow doan a bit and do more slower smoother thrusts . He shoved his finger back up her butt and that seemed to do it for her . However just as she felt herself break , her mouth was flooded with blackman 's sperm , covering her tongue and coating the roof of her mouth . The jerk reaction to her climax sent her head up and so cum splattered all over her face , her nose , chin and forehead all recieving a splatter of cum . Kelly barly noticed , she had climaxed and cum all over kwons dick , it had splurted out and gone all over the bed below her . Just as she was comming out of her trance she felt a pinch on her ass and immediately felt the familier feeling of cum flooding her insides . It felt like a warmth spreading through all of her lower regions . Her womb had been coated with sperm and now that there was a double load inside her , pregnancy seemed almost garanteed . Kwon laughed and gave Kelly 's arse a slap and then withdrew from her , a loud pop sounded and he got off the bed . Kelly was laying flat on the bed , she was dazed and confused . Kwon then said something she didn 't understand and then was accompanied by the other black man who was naked and ready for buisness . Kelly with thoughts of hopelessness as well as sexual excitmeMeanwhile , downstairs in the loungeroom Cindy was on her side on the fold out couch , she had a guy spooning her from behind fucking her , a guy with his dick halway down her throat and a 3rd rubbing his chocolate brown cock all over her tits and tummy . She was being fucked senseless by the group leader and all that could be heard were the sounds of flesh smacking flesh . Some of the guys had come and gone upstairs but at this point she had been with these three for about twenty minutes . The leader , who 's name was Dylan , had been fucking her slowly and painfully the whole time . he would whisper abuse into her ears , calling her " white trash ' and " stupid white fucktoy " . he would also pinch her where he could reach and also bite her hard enought to break the skin . Cindy had been a mess through the whole ordeal , her face was read and streaked with tears , but she had spent most of the time sucking off guys . there was a considerable mount of spit and precum on her pretty face . Her thoughts were of dread , how she wished they had never left the house and just waited until the morning . She was always rocked back and fourth by Dylan and by now her cunt was red and swollon , this whole thing had been so horrible . She felt like a sex toy for these guys , and with the abusive words coming from them she was begining to believe it . There was absolutely no pleasure for Cindy , every minute was an horendous torture and punishment for her . Leroy was fucking her wildly , he didn 't want this bitch getting any pleasure out of this , he loved her tight pussy around his cock and wanted to savour this , but he knew he was close to blowing his load inside this girl . He continued to hump her , however he was getting sick of the position . He grabbed her and moved her ontop of him . Now he was staring at her face and chest , the other guys all moved so they could have access to her . one had his cock back in her mouth the other had to be happy to just grab her back tightly , his cock rubbing against her asscheeks , sometimes rubbing between the crevice of her butt . Cindy was bouncing up and down on Dylans cock , it was so big and it filled her so much that she felt like it was going up into her stomach . She felt her tits being felt up by the guy behind her , his fingers pinching and pulling her erect nipples . ' ganna cum inside you bitch ! " said Dylan , " me and all my brothers " Fear struck Cindy , she tried desperately once again to get away but was held firmly in place . She groaned agains the cock that was in her mouth . Then the guy she was blowing pulled her hair tightly and within a few seconds came life a fire hydrant . He however pulled his cock from nher mouth and shot his cum all over her face . Cum was landing all over her , brow , cheeks and chin , by the time he was done her face was almost completely covered in jizz . Cindy cried out like a banshee and spat out cum which had leaked into her mouth . She tried to wipe it from her face but one of the guys grabbed her hands and kept her from doing it . Dylan stepped up his performance and really powerfucked her , he felt his nuts tighten and was going to cum any minute . " you ready baby ? ' ganna knock you up tonight " said Dylan with a cold voice . Cindy gasped and shreiked out , only to feel his cock twitch inside her and soon felt squirts deep inside her , followed by a warmth . Dylan groaned as he flooded her womb with his seed . " time to see how good your ass is " said the guy , first feeling her asscheeks for a while and then moving his cock against it and rugginh the head up and down the cleft of her ass . The guy she was ontop of moved her so they were face to face . Cindy 's cum covered face not discusting enough for him . He smiled at her and then moved a hand down , guiding the head of his cock to the entrance of her spermy pussy . " Time for a second deposit " he laughed . Then the guy from behind her began to push his cockhead against her asshole , this caused a groan from Cindy . The member found a lot of resistence from her anus and ended up reaching down to her cunt lips and felt the moistness . he managed to rub her pussy juice and cum over his dick , using it as a lubricant . He gave it another try and this time felt his cock sink sowly into her asshole . Ahhhhh " groaned Cindy as her ass was invaded . this really hurt for her , she had never been fucked there and now with her cunt being filled with cock and her ass as well , her guts and body felt so full . It took a while for the guy in her ass to sink all the way in and after a few moments he managed to get balls deep in her ass . He then gave her butt a slap and the two fucked Cindy in unison . This started a whole new realm of pain . the two fucked her continuously , Cindy being fucked betrween the two in a big sweaty heap . her tits mashed up against the guys chest , and her face now with dry cum all over it . The two black men took the girl for all they could , ravishing her body as they fucked her . Her skin was pinched and pulled , her hair was pulled so hard that she cried out . All the while the extra guy was watching and laughing at her . Cindy was fucked sensless for about fifteen minutes her ass so painful from the invasion it felt like it tore , the two guys seemed to be able to last forever the huge cock in her cunt stretched her so bad as well as her asshole . They loved fucking the teenage girl , especially one as hot as her . Cindy herself was barly consious , she was exhausted and completely broken . Her body was red and sore from abuse . She was mentally drained and barly showed any reaction to what happened to her . Even when the guy fucking her ass blew his load inside her bowels she didn ' 't even blink . The guy laughed and groaned , withdrawing and slapping her butt a couple of times . " jeez , she must be pretty fucked up " " she will be soon enough said the guy she was laying on top of , he grabbed her ass and pulled her tightly against him and then he thrust deep inside her . then he groaned deeply , biting her neck as he came inside her , filling pussy with his jizz . he let every bit spread throughout her , sending most of it right into her little womb . Cindy still barly moved , but a tear once again rolled down her cheek . The guy laughed , moved her away from him and then slapped her tits a bit . He then rolled her off him and left her laying on the floor on her back . Cindy lay still , panting and moving into the fetal position , her body still , cum leaking from her cunt and ass . The guys gathered around and just laughed at her , pointing and sniggering . They were soon bored and went to get something to eat . Cindy just lay there , a blank look on her face . Back upstairs , kelly was being fucked by Dylan , she was on her back as he fucked her in the missionary position . Her legs around his waist , keeping the two tight against each other . Dylan was fucking her powerfully and ferciously , their pubic bones grinding against each other , his cock lodged as deep as it could go in the girl . Kelly had now submitted to fate and was now not even fighting the guys . Dylan was fucked her for a few more minutes , before cumming inside her and sending another lot of sperm into her waiting womb and cum dripping pussy . Dylan leaned down and kissed her then he got off her and got off the bed . soon Kelly was joined by two others who she hadn 't been fucked by yet . They jumped on her and she was soon being ravished by them . They fucked her for what felt like ages , one of them pulling out halfway through and skull fucked her . They both came around the same time , except one came all over her chest , coating her tits with his cum the other filling her cunt with his cum , once again filling her womb . Finally she was left alone on the bed , she must have been fucked by all of them . Now that it seemed to be over , the reality set in . She had been fucked by at least six different guys without protection and they had all cum inside her . There was no question about it , how could she not be pregnant . She began to sob and then turned to her side . She heard lots of noise and yelling , then she saw Cindy being carried up the stairs and thrown on the bed beside her . she was crying and shaking , Kelly reached out and held her hand , Cindy barly gripped her at all . The whole group of guys all came into the room and then stood at the end of the bed . " you girls look like shit , now clean each other up " said Dylan . Kelly sighed and then crawled over to Cindy , she then reluctantly stuck out her tongue and began to lick the traces of cum off of Cindy 's body . Cindy was non responsive and it took kelly to move her arms and legs until she was open and flat on her fack . Kelly went back to licking her and started licking her face free of cum . She moved down her body and reached her pussy . She took her time and really tried to get it all . It was when she probed Cindy with her tongue that Cindy moved and actually began to touch kelly back . At first they just touched , but then they moved into a full embrace . Soon they were licking each other clean , Cindy licking the cum of Kelly 's tits and tummy , kelly the same . they then went further and Kelly was on her back with Cindy , licking her pussy tenderly and gently . They didn 't notice Dylan with a video recorder , taping the love session , he then asked one of the guys to join them . Kwon did and got between the girls . Caught in blind lust , Cindy grabbed his cock and began to wank him off as she pleasured kelly . Soon enough she let him move closer and he lay beneth her and began to fuck her as she licked Kelly 's pussy . Dylan was laughing , this was just what he wanted . Consensual sex by these three would make sure he and his group would never be convicted of rape . it was a bout ten minutes later when kwon visably came inside Cindy and kelly also came , her girl cum going all over Cindy 's face . Kwon kissed Cindy and kelly and then got off the bed . soon the girls realise what had just happened , they had been filmed freely having sex wih a stranger . CIndy and Kelly both began to weep . They both slumbed and lay on the bed silently . Dylan luaghed and finished recording , they group all laughed at the girls and then put their clothes on . " well , time to go , look after yourselves girls , you 'll probebly have a fair bit to think about soon " said Dylan . The group all laughed and left the room , soon the noise of the door opening and closing could be heard . The girls curled up together and cried for well over twenty minutes , both keeping a tight embrace with each other . it was an hour later when they came back downstairs , both very gingerly and quietly . They took turnes going to the toilet , peeing and trying to flush as much cum out of them as they could . They then shared a shower and just stood there silently , The hot water cascading over them . Both girls were quiet and did nothing . they got out and got put their PJs on . They both cleaned the place the best they could and then went to bed . The next day kelly went home , the girls didn 't really talk about the previous night , they both knew what would probebly happen . when Cindy 's parents came home she decided not to tell them she 'd been raped , there was no point . A month or so later the girls both did the pregnancy test and as fate would have it they were both pregnant . The girls were scared but decided to accept it , Kelly had very strict parents and Cindy didn 't tell hers until her tummy was getting noticibly larger . Both girls were almost abandoned by their families . Cindy was pretty much cut off from her money and kelly was shamed by her very christian family . Time went on and the months went by , to the girls added humiliation a video turned up on the net of the two of them with kwon . 6 months later they both gave birth , Cindi to a black baby boy and kelly had twins , except against all odds they were both of Asian likeness . kelly and Cindy ended up keeping them but life was comppletely different . They ended up parting ways a few months later , cindy moved away to a hostel for young mothers , she never really went on to much , she spent most early life caring for her son eventally a man said if she married him he would support her child . She became a typical housewife , looking after her husband and son . She ended up having more children and ended up mothering five kids all up . A Kelly left her family and seemed to dissapear . However she was seen some time later on the internet in some adult films . One which she was group fucked by street gangs of all races and ages , another she prostituted herself around the city streets , and another in which she was visably pregnant and was having sex with very young teenagers and preteens doing all sorts of depraved acts for anyone to see . Epilogue : Dylan was happy , he and his group had made a lot of money lately and they managed to get a new frat house . he had managed to find a large group of girls to star in underground sex films , he esecially had hot young white girls that the brothers just loved to fuck and impregnate . He even managed to find that young Kelly again , At kwons request he let her stay with them , she stared in many of they 're films and also fell pregnant a few more times . She eventually became to used and they took her children for their own women to raise and eventually Kelly was told to get lost , they never saw her again . Dylan ended up having plenty of cash and was never caught or arrested for what he did , most girls he had he used for 12 years or so and then threw aside . In the end he and his mates lived out they 're lives in well to do partments and houses . they lived overseas in properties while they 're emplyers continued the trade . Dylan laughes at how things ended up . All the while he thought , thank god for those white bitches . In the end they did have a usefull purpose . The End Read 36867 times |
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Posted on December 28 , 2012 by J9 5 This post is dedicated to Wanda , my former mother - in - law . When my first child had her first Christmas , I convinced Wanda to celebrate with us on Christmas Eve , while we spent Christmas Day with my family . Recently she accused me ( in good fun ) of altering her traditional Christmas celebration all those years ago in order to forward my own agenda . I beg to differ : circumstances being what they were , it was only her second , maybe third Christmas ever ; hardly enough time to establish a tradition for me to break . Also , my argument at the time was that Christmas Eve was much more special for my sister and me when we were little , so I was giving her a gift by giving her Christmas Eve . She didn 't buy it . So this is my written testimony . My sister , Teri , and I spent Christmas Eve with Oma and Opa , my dad 's parents . Oma would pick us up from home in Pasadena and drive us to her house in West Los Angeles , about a half hour away . The roofline of her squat , green 50 's style ranch house was traced a sting of large odd - colored lights : orange mostly , with some blue and green , maybe a yellow or white somewhere in the strand . A four - foot table - top Christmas tree greeted us when we walked in the door . Presents were piled in the spare bedroom , all papered with the same paper . Every year , the same paper ! White with red poinsettias , I believe , with some kind of strange goldish accents . Either she hit a good sale once and bought tons of the same print , or she had one monster roll of the stuff . I never knew which , and by the time I thought to ask she had run out and had no idea what I was talking about . Oma spent all day fluttering in and out of the kitchen . I never paid attention to what she was doing in there , except that she 'd call us in to feed us boterkoek or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches . I assumed they were none - of - my - business - and - I - wouldn 't - understand - anyway kinds of things . So Teri and I spent the day playing with our Tinker Toys or Lincoln Logs , rolling around with Casey the keeshond , banging on the electric organ , or sitting on Opa 's lap while he read a Raggedy Ann and Andy story in his deep voice , smelling of tobacco and coffee . Anything , really , to keep our minds off the presents we 'd open after dinner . Dinner was always the same : spaghetti . During the rest of the year Oma was the pot roast queen , and no meal … no meal … was served without homemade mashed potatoes . Christmas Eve , however , was always spaghetti with meat sauce , green salad tossed with green onions , tomatoes , and Hidden Valley Ranch dressing , and homemade garlic bread with tons of Kraft parmesan cheese . ( I tried to convince Wanda to make spaghetti for Christmas Eve , but that was going too far . ) Once dinner was done and post - meal conversation had subsided , it was time for PRESEEEEENTS ! ! ! Oma and Opa had the uncanny ability to give us the perfect gifts . Teri and I knew that the best presents of the year were hiding behind that perpetual sea of mono - wrap . I still remember my ultimate favorites : a Strawberry Shortcake jacket , Western Barbie , and a drop - waist mini - dress that reminded me of a figure skater . If we got clothes , we 'd stand in front of the heavy curtains hiding the sliding glass door and model for pictures . By the time we were done oooing and aahing over the last present , the spent wrappings were already gone . New clothes were kept on and worn to the candle light service at Culver City Presbyterian Church . Our other grandmother was there , too , so we 'd all sit together . They had a segment during the service called the Children 's Sermon : a guy ( every year the same one , can 't remember his name ) stood in a corner at pew - level rather than on the pulpit , invited all the kids in attendance to join him , and gave a short kid - friendly talk about the significance of Christmas . It looked like a painting where Jesus is talking to a group of children , except the 70 's version where Jesus is clean - shaven , short - haired , and wearing thick glasses and a suit with big lapels . I was always too shy to walk up there and join them , so I stayed in my pew between Oma and Opa , drawing pictures on my program with the short pencil provided to write your name on the offering envelope . My favorite part was singing Christmas carols ; especially at the end when the older teenagers would light the candelabras set in front of the tall stained - glass windows , all the lights were dimmed , and we 'd sing the long version of Silent Night followed by Joy to the World . Christmas Day at our other grandma 's house was lovely . We always wore something pretty . Our presents were always thoughtful . Dinner was lovely . The conversation was mostly polite , unless Grandpa Wally picked on Aunt Peggy and made her cry . My grandmother was always a gracious hostess . We tried our best to use our good manners and be considerate guests , honest we did . It was all so … lovely . I remember the year I asked Wanda to take Christmas Eve , and I told Teri about it . " Oh my God ! " she squealed . " Remember how all the wrapping paper was the same for years ? And how it disappeared before we could even finish unwrapping the damn presents ? And remember how Oma 's presents were always the best ? And spaghetti , every year ! And the salad always had green onions and Hidden Valley Ranch dressing . Remember her ugly 70s couches and taking pictures in front of those gawd - awful curtains ? Remember those orange Christmas lights ? Remember going to church and seeing Grandma , and then we 'd see her again the next day ? Remember how boring Grandma 's house was ? Is Wanda going to make spaghetti ? She has to make spaghetti ! " The assignment was to chose writing samples and include them in a small paper book to share with fellow students . We had to include a writer 's manifesto , so I used a piece I already had called A Coinstar Kind of Writer . We also needed a writer 's bio : Janine McCarthy grew up on the mean streets of Pasadena , CA . She holds Certificates of Completion in Business Writing and Management Skills from USC 's Professional Development department ; Basic Police Officer Standards and Training ( POST ) for Dispatchers from Rio Hondo College ; POST Communications Training Officer from Golden West College ; and Terrorism Awareness from Chino Police Department . There are at least a half dozen more , but she can 't remember them all . She is a member in good standing with the Yahoo ! Group CHPercolator : Coffee House for Writers . Her work has appeared in John Muir High School 's The Inner Eye , USC Public Safety 's Dispatch Training Manual , Urban Dictionary , and Facebook Notes . Janine is currently a student at PCC and author of the blog The Letter J , The Number 9 . She resides in Monrovia , CA . , with a motley crew of pets and people , including two teenagers and a savior of a roommate . She swears that everything on this page is true . Many students used several short pieces in their books , especially if they were poets . I chose just one essay . I 'm a nervous wreck as I share it here on the public interwebs ( and this strong red martini stuff isn 't the liquid courage it should be ) , but here it is , with the forward included : This piece is from Writing Assignment # 4 : intersecting a personal story with a historical moment . I chose the current economic recession as my historical moment , and the hour I spent waiting to be fired from my job last year . I use this piece for my chapbook simply because I 've put the most work into it . The biggest revision I had to make was to the tone : to choose between deep and emotional or funny and ridiculous . My natural storytelling tendency is to make things humorous ; however , the sadness of being fired is still so raw it It 's a beautiful , sunny October afternoon . Not on my side of the street , though . No , the sun starts across the street , at the far end of the parking lot , shining on fancy red brick buildings and the glamorous people who work in them , people with titles like Doctor and Professor . My side of the street is grey , dominated by a seven - story parking structure and the long perpetual shadow it casts to the north . The scraggly ivy and bald azalea shrubs barely survive in the constant gloom . The dirt in between sure seems to thrive in it , though . I park my car on the narrow street as the grey grimaces at me , gap - toothed and menacing . I enter a door in the side of the parking structure marked " Authorized Personnel Only " in rust , where the original decals peeled off exposing letter - shaped sections of the metal underneath . A long narrow hallway leads through more grey to the cavernous Communications Center . I 've been a Public Safety Communications Operator with the university for eleven years : think 911 dispatcher with a different phone number and three times the call load . It 's stressful , difficult , and not at all congruent with my bubbly personality , but with two kids to raise and a recession to ride out I 'm not going anywhere . Besides , job hunting terrifies me . Writing a resume gives me hives . Job interviews make me want to shrink into a dark corner . I can 't begin to describe the horrors my body endures swathed in business - casual for a day . The Communications Center looks like a dungeon of technology . White - washed cement block walls and cheap linoleum flooring sit right on top of parking spaces . A four - pack of grey and burgundy cubicles occupies the center of the room , each outfitted with two computers , three large monitors , and an overworked dispatcher . A long workspace matching the cubicles sits against the far wall under two giant 7 ' x10 ' screens , each displaying forty postage - stamp - sized views of the surrounding neighborhood . The room is alive with a quiet urgency : electronics buzz , computer screens blink , keyboards tap , radio voices squelch through speakers , and live voices chat quietly with invisible callers . Normally I 'd fling my car keys and cell phone into a cubicle and race to the locker room , but it 's my Monday . Not a Monday : my Monday . I move slowly on my Monday , so I 've still got keys and phone in hand , blinking as I adjust to the dungeon light , when Robin pokes her head out of an office that looks more like a fishbowl . The chief 's secretary , Sonya , is expecting me , but doesn 't know when " they " will be ready . She invites me to take a seat and wait . I scan her face , searching for a sign , a clue , something to tell me what I 'm in for . I see nothing . I don 't know which is worse : a something , or this nothing . She offers me a cup of coffee , but I decline . I already feel shaky , I don 't need caffeine . I look around the office for a distraction , and see a picture of Sonya 's children on her computer screen . I ask about her kids . She swivels her chair toward me and smiles , and we chat the way mothers do . I choke down the high pitch in my voice that will betray my fear . Sonya 's oldest child is a teenager . My own kids are thirteen and eighteen . I 'm light - headed with dread . " No , no I 'm good , but thank you . " In the main hallway of our small station is a kitchen niche , built into the wall like a preschool cubby . A big commercial coffee maker just fits on the counter . Before every shift the Coffee Gods bless us with two full pots of fresh , life - saving coffee , and I do my part to empty them . A box containing coffee paraphernalia sits on a shelf above the coffee maker . If I 'm lucky there are a few colored packets of fake sugar in the box , but not usually . Sonya has her own little white coffee pot in her office , and all manner of sweetener and creamer in a pretty basket next to it . My pre - shift ritual often includes shuffling into her office bleary - eyed , hot hallway coffee in hand , hoping for a pack or two of Equal . My declination of coffee is unusual , but Sonya doesn 't seem concerned : that disquieting nothing again . I fold my hands into my lap and squeeze them together until my fingers turn white . I inhale with purpose so that my nerves don 't stop me from breathing altogether . I fight the urge to bounce my knee up and down and try not to fidget . Six weeks ago my supervisor , Robert , pulled me from my workstation and asked me to follow him . He carried a stack of papers as we walked across the street , through the parking lot , to the red brick science building on the other side . He led me to a conference room on the second floor . There are plenty of empty conference rooms in the station , so when supervisors come all the way over here to use this room it 's a grim sign . The room itself wasn 't too foreboding . Cork boards lined the walls , peppered with multicolored bulletins that curled around the thumb tacks and staples holding them up . The furniture was a cheerful blond wood , and tall narrow windows overlooked the campus . We sat facing each other . He spread the papers out in front of him , took a deep breath , and began to describe a call I had handled two months before . A drunken student was harassing people on the street . He didn 't need to be arrested , he didn 't need a hospital , but he couldn 't be left alone . The officers just wanted to take him home to sleep it off . The problem was that he had no ID , and refused to give any information other than his name . Together , we did everything we legally could to find him a safe place to go , but in the end we had nothing . The officers decided to take him to a halfway house that would provide him a bed until he was sober . Robert broke down the call and asked me to explain each step I took , right down to the notes I typed and the follow - up calls I made . I answered his questions , but I didn 't see any serious mistakes . Why was I being grilled ? The kid had mouthed off to someone at the halfway house , who in turn stabbed him . He survived , but his parents were suing the university . We shouldn 't have taken him somewhere so dangerous , they claimed . A note I put in the call indicated that the kid might not have been enrolled in any classes , Robert said . Would the officers have taken him somewhere different , better , had they known the he was a current student , as opposed to a random drunk off the street ? Why hadn 't I dug deeper to confirm his student status ? " Because it didn 't matter ! We needed his address , not his student status . We figured he was a current student anyway ; we talked about it on the phone . Didn 't anyone pull the recordings ? " Yes , they had pulled the recordings . And that 's all Robert said about it . I try to wipe the scene from my mind . They can 't fire me , can they ? No ! The university makes it damn near impossible to fire people . There are procedures , paper trails , patterns of behavior and such . I 've only had one written reprimand in my eleven years here : that 's hardly a pattern . Maybe they 'll give me time off without pay . I make a brave attempt to think positive . This waiting might not end in something bad . Maybe I won a service award . Maybe they 've created a new position just for me , because I 'm that awesome ! Probably not , kiddo . They wouldn 't make you wait alone in the chief 's office for anything good . I slump a little in my chair . I breathe deliberately to keep my heart from racing , timing each inhale and exhale . Every shift in my seat and rise of my chin is a conscious movement to coerce my body into calm . I follow the second hand on the round grey clock mounted above Sonya 's desk , hyper - focused on each tick , tick , tick , and the nearly imperceptible bounce between each second . Please , please don 't let this be the end , I silently pray . I can 't sit through endless interviews and wear heels every day . Humor doesn 't work . The back of my neck starts to prickle . Two of our IT guys had their jobs eliminated this year . The smartest woman I know lost her job and her house , and has been living in a homeless shelter for three months . My mother - in - law receives too much in Unemployment benefits to qualify for public health insurance . My dad hasn 't been able to find steady work in years . This recession has hit everyone so hard . I 'm grateful to have this job , no matter how much I hate it sometimes . My panic is rising . What if they really do fire me ? I 've been sitting in the chief 's office for an hour now . My coworkers are well into their shift . They 're probably swamped with calls and wondering where the hell I am . The clock on the wall continues its mocking tick , tick , tick . Tears are pooling in the corners of my eyes . I rub the tops of my thighs slowly , hoping I appear casually unconcerned as I dry my sweating palms on my jeans . Don 't crack , I say to myself . Calm down . Don 't cry . Our Internal Affairs officer peeks around the corner of the doorway . " Janine ? We 're ready for you . " His breathy , simpering voice makes me want to punch him in his damn face . I force a weak smile and follow him through the hallway , past the last dregs of burnt coffee , and into a grey conference room too small for the group of people inside : Robin , the deputy chief , a captain , some pencil pusher I don 't know , and now us . The captain sits at the far end of the table slowly simmering , red - faced , lips pursed , eyes ready to spill angry tears . The other three look as if they stopped breathing ten minutes ago . The deputy chief motions to an empty chair . " Have a seat , Janine . " The deputy chief introduces the pencil pusher as so - and - so from Human Resources . I don 't hear more than fragments of the speech that follows , but I understand enough . I hear the drunk kid 's name ; something about the investigation ; a decision has been made to terminate my employment ; here is my last paycheck and vacation pay - out , please sign here ; Robin will escort me to clean out my locker , and then escort me to my car . There 's no stopping it now : the floodgates open , and the tears come . I sign my name in the general vicinity of a smeary line and accept my paperwork . In between chokes I apologize for crying . Their voices turn soft and understanding , but they , unlike me , are still employed , and they don 't snot and ugly - cry in a room full of law enforcement professionals . They shake my hand and wish me luck . I wish they wouldn 't . Robin walks me to the locker room . I feel like a criminal . As soon as the door closes behind us , I turn around to face her , drop my head into the crook of her neck , and bawl outright . It 's more than tough - chick Robin can take . We stand in the middle of the room , surrounded by cold grey lockers with our arms around each other . " I tried , " she sobs into my shoulder . " I tried so hard . " Posted on December 24 , 2012 by J9 7 A sweet blog post from my daughter 's former boyfriend . I am proud that our family inspired some good writing from the boy . ; o ) Grr , I thought it would paste to the page . Maybe it 's too long . Oh well . Click on the text , you 'll get there . Posted on December 19 , 2012 by J9 12 My Tuesday morning started with rain . Lovely , silvery , crystal rain that makes the drab streets shine and the colors of everyday life vibrant . I made sure I had my camera AND memory card before I headed out the door . School is out until January , but I wanted to snap my view shots in the rain , so I swung by the college just for you guys . Naturally , it stopped raining before I got there . I tried to take my mountain shot without the parking lot , but my auto focus rebelled . I like my auto focus a great deal , much more than my manual focus , so I compromised and gave it some lines to focus on . Last week I learned something astonishing about this beautiful driftwood sculpture : it 's not wood at all ! It 's metal ! Cast bronze and scrap metal to be exact . Even up close it looks like wood : you have to touch it to believe it . These were the unedited shots . I played with some special effects on my paint program to make them look extra special in black and white , but I won 't bore everyone with those . You can view them here if you 'd like . I took myself to the Reyn for coffee , breakfast , nice people and a comfy corner to spread out my book notes . ( In case you 're a new friend and don 't know , I 'm writing a book for my grandmother , my Oma , about her experiences during WWII in the Netherlands . ) I decided to tackle the beginning , the opening that describes her family and life before the war came . I thought it would be easy since she wrote a good chunk of it herself , and the rest she dictated while I typed . The plan was to simply organize the information into a decent opening . Easy peasy , right ? As I went through my notes , I found lots of little mistakes . Oma has more than a touch of dementia , so I already anticipated something like this . During our interviews I had her repeat as many stories as I could without being obvious about it , just to make sure they were consistent . I didn 't think to double and triple - check background and family information . I can do my research and fix it all , but it 's time - consuming and she wants her book sooner than yesterday . My biggest concern , though , is that making these corrections is beginning to alter the story : it 's becoming her story versus the story . But whose story is the story ? Mine ? This isn 't a book that 's going to be on any Best Seller lists , so in the grand scheme of things I guess it doesn 't matter if some of her details are wrong , especially since they 're true to her . If she was in her right mind , though , she 'd want me to make the corrections . At this point I don 't know which is the more ethical choice : to correct or not to correct ? It drove me to frustrated tears . Back at Mom 's house the weather was funky . First it started to hail itty - bitty balls that looked like nonpareils . Then it started to rain big drops … About ten minutes after the rain stopped , the wind picked up . It blew the clouds clean away , but somehow the skies were still dark . The mountains were illuminated orange , then pink , and wouldn 't you know the camera battery decided it was the perfect time to die completely . Which was okay , really , because the wind was freezing cold ! It drove us back inside to scramble for any little bit of warmth or coziness we could find . The wind blew through the night . It was calm this morning , but still so cold . We were thankful , though , that we didn 't get a windstorm like we had last year , that kept us cold and without electricity for four days . ( Here are some aftermath shots from that exciting night . ) Posted on December 12 , 2012 by J9 15 I have to be in class super early in the morning ( 8 : 00 , when it usually starts at 9 : 15 ) because of finals . Naturally , I can 't sleep . Not because I 'm nervous about the final , since I don 't have one , but because I 've been having a crappy week . I 'm trying to stay calm and be positive , or at least flexible , but my nerves are getting the better of me . In the meantime , I finally finished my last school project ! Yay ! We had to take samples of our work and make a book . I used just one long essay , about being fired from my last job . Some of you read it when I sent it out and begged for feedback . You can read the final draft here . I forgot my View Club photos last Wednesday , so I made a special trip to school Monday to take them . I didn 't have class , you see . It was a glorious , stereotypical Southern California day . This is a little east of the usual shot , which is due north . A big rainstorm is expected to move in today and last until the weekend sometime . I can 't wait ! The light - colored peak in the above picture will probably get snow . That 's Mt . San Antonio , aka Mt . Baldy . It 's one of the taller peaks in the range , and I believe it 's the most easterly ski mountain . If today 's storm is particularly big or cold , the tippy - tops of our mountains might get a dusting of snow , too . Posted on December 4 , 2012 by J9 7 After class yesterday , I stayed behind with two classmates , Maria and Vicky , who are Italian and Russian respectively . They began talking about how much they miss their own cultures and how dissatisfied they are with American culture . Maria said I 'm one of the most human Americans she knows , and Vicky said she is fed up with superficial , emotionless Americans . " You are an exception , though , Janine . I 'm sorry , Honey , but it 's true , " she crooned , and gave me an apologetic hug as if she were insulting me . It made me laugh . How is that an insult , to be called human and unsuperficial ? The Reyn , if you haven 't read about it yet , is an old , small coffee shop that my family and I frequent . They 've never had more than a couple waitresses , and only during busy times , so losing one is losing a big chunk of the staff . They 've been down a waitress for about a year . Israel finally hired a couple of young guys from a type of work - study program , and while they 're good kids , they 're less than stellar at their jobs . One of my classes at school is actually a position on the staff of an annual literary magazine called Inscape . Inscape only meets officially in the fall semester , to choose the written pieces that will be published that year . Last week … okay so maybe it 's been a week of compliments … last week the instructor told us that we can continue to work on the magazine next semester and he 'd sign off on independent study credit for it . After class , he asked me specifically if I 'd continue on the staff , because he thought my input would be valuable . I 'm pretty sure it 's because I 'm the only grown - up on the staff this year : professors seem to appreciate students over 30 . Still , how nice was that ? OH ! I submitted my essay , When The Hospital Calls , to be published in Inscape , and it was accepted ! Several other editors , not knowing it was mine , said it was one of their favorite pieces of non - fiction . It would have benefited from more revision , but , you know , wouldn 't they all . This counts as being a published writer ! Woo - Hoo ! I learned how to knit this week . Go me ! My sister , Shelly , bought some round knitting looms that are good for making hats , so last night I made my first hat . Joe is modeling it . He actually kept it and wore it to work this morning . I decided to get a tighter shot of the mountains with less parking lot . Today my point of reference is hidden behind clouds , so I expect this shot to change again . Wednesday should be clear , so I 'll be closer to getting it right .
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Twas two weeks before Christmas and all through the office , everyone was busy . No one was stirring . The lectures were being presented and such that no one was thinking of Christmas much . Housekeeping was working and Tammy D . settled in at her desk , prepared for a long day at work . No fun to be had . When out in the main office there arose such a clatter . Tammy D . walked out to find exactly what was the matter . When what to her surprised eyes in the office . . . 3 of Santa 's reindeer . She jumped all around snapping pictures for proof with her iPhone in good cheer , she knew in moment it must be Susan , Joy , and Sue . She was so excited she didn 't know what to do ! She spoke not a word , but went straight to her work . She reined them all in with promises of emailed copies of pictures and turned with jerk . She hated for them to leave , but she feared dismissal . So off to their stables the reindeer were sent with prancing and pawing of each little hoof . Away they all went like the down of a thistle , and she exclaimed as they ran out of sight , " Get to work ! Don 't tag me here . Now get out of sight ! " Laura was so cute the other day . I was looking on the Louisiana Tech University website , my alma mater , to see what new stuff was happening ( and to promote " college " to my kids ) . The girls were all sitting on me and around me as we talked about " college " . The website has a feature page called " Tech Triumphs " with alumni that have become successful in their careers ( why they haven 't called me for a feature yet , I don 't know , possibly because I am blogging at work . . . . hehe ) . One famous Tech graduate is Jason Barton from the Christian band 33Miles that my kids and I love . When the girls saw him they asked why his title line said " 33Miles from Jesus " . I explained to the girls that the name 33Miles was the name of the band not actual proximity to Christ . Laura piped in with , " No , Momma , Jesus is not far away . I can feel him when I play real hard . Watch me , Momma . " She ran around the house and came back with a fast beating heart that you could feel through her chest as she stood grinning . " Touch here and feel Jesus in my heart , Momma . He 's not far away . I feel him . He can 't get out , can he , Momma . " I felt her beating heart . As the big girls and I laughed I realized why God tells us to have Faith like a child . He 's in there and He can 't get out ! As I pray that God doesn 't feel " trapped " inside of me , I thank him for never leaving me or my babies . Thank God for the little moments like that with my children in which he speaks knowingly to all of us . That little rugrat . . . hehe . . . I do think the government should issue internet warnings though , because the site did not make me excited that I could eat and lose weight as much as it just made me even more HUNGRY which , ironically , was not the intention of browsing low point menu options . I 've found I do not particulary like being metaphorically described as a whale , but I am NOT GOOD at starving either . . . . They should also issue warnings that it doesn 't help to browse for 5 point dinners if you plan to COMBINE the dinner selections . . . hehe Maybe I am the rugrat in the family . . . more like the sloth , but still in the family . . . Have you ever noticed how as you gain weight you put off and put off buying bigger clothes , but you go pretty quickly to buy bigger panties . I guess inside I am thinking that if I am in more comfortable panties , the clothes will ultimately respond likewise . For some reason this philosophy is not working for me right now . Must be the estrogen ( because it most certainly can 't be the cheesecake addiction . . . ) Posted by I am crying over cornbread . Seriously . I am sitting on the dining room floor , with a broom in one hand and a dustpan in the other , crying . Tears are streaming down my face . I am sobbing faster than I can breathe . I am looking around the room thinking , " I can 't do this anymore . I can 't stand it . It 's not fair . All I do is work and clean . Everything is for the kids . EVERYTHING . And this is what I get . " As I weep , my tears disappear into the sea of cornbread scattered around the room . " Cornbread . Why did I make cornbread ? Am I crazy ? Oh my God , I 'm CRAZY now , too ! ! ! I am losing it ! What is the matter with me ? " ( You are laughing , I know , cause you 've been there . Maybe it was toothpaste or Kool - aid or pop tart , but you 've been there - the breaking point , where you cry so you don 't kill anybody . ) I start to get up realizing that wet cornbread is harder to clean up than dry cornbread , so I am in fact making life harder by crying over the mess - meant in literal and otherwise terms there ! Cornbread is everywhere . Three pieces of cornbread . Three little girls . " My dining room looks as if SPD just dusted for fingerprints on a quadruple homicide . " I giggled as I thought that thought because it was preceded by , " I could kill them . I could just kill them . " ( Not meant in the literal sense here ! ) Not only was cornbread covering the table , but every chair , corner , and crevice lay covered in cornbread as well . So I swept and swept before I realized , " Duh , you should have wiped the table off first , genius ! Oh my gosh , I 'm a moron now , too ! These kids are making me stupid ! " More sobbing here . I know what you are thinking . Where are the kids ? Why aren 't they helping clean up the mess they made playing with the cornbread ? But I am way too much of a control freak to let them try to clean up cornbread mess ( seriously , have you cleaned up cornbread before ? moist , yet crumbly . . . ) And of course the whole " I could kill them " thing . They are old enough to clean up . My 9 year old could have decently removed a large chunk of the mess with a broPosted by If only I could tell you that Laura has been betrothed to a handsome young prince . . . or at least won a beauty pageant , but alas that is NOT how she earned her title today ! I came in and went straight to the computer as I had some bills to enter into " bill pay " on my account . It didn 't take long , but as I turned to get up I noticed Laura down on her knees in the dining room licking shredded cheese off the floor . I shrieked in horror , which caused her to pause in turn and to look up at me with cheese still stuck on her face . I told her to get up , quick , and go wash her face and hands ! Oh , the germs ! I was saying , " Oh my Goodness , Laura , you will get the flu again or worse from licking the floor . " As she gets up and walks off with that sullen , pitiful , about to cry look , I notice as she walks that there is a trail of cheese from where she was on the floor into her bedroom , bathroom , sister 's room , and kitchen ! I hollered at her , " Laura , what in the world were you thinking , baby ! Why is there cheese ALL OVER MY HOUSE ? ? ! ! ! " To which she so quietly , with her voice choking replied , " I wanted to eat like Princess ! " Princess , of course , being her new puppy . OH LORD ! ! I sat her down and talked to her about germs and the terrible mess it made , not to mention the expense of shredded cheese . Then I looked at her and asked , " Does Princess eat her food in a trail ? " Then she said , " Well , Nonnie lets her puppies eat all the food under the table . " How do you argue with that ? So I spent the next ten minutes sweeping up an entire bag of shredded cheese off my floors . I suppose you could look at it like I killed two birds . ( I always need to sweep ! ) It 's just too bad that I panicked and didn 't let her continue to eat long enough to take some pictures ! Gross , I know . And don 't worry , I got to mop less than 30 minutes later when I dropped the kool - aid pitcher in the middle of the kitchen . And that one was all my fault , folks ! No blaming the rugrats that time ! So a good sweepin ' and moppin ' later . . . Those rugrats , I swear ! A long while back we did the whole chore chart thing . Well , to say the least , it was time to reimplement . So I called the girls over to the computer and let them pick out pictures for their own chore chart . I also printed off a list of " recommended " chores for their ages . Then I called a family meeting ! We all sat down and discussed how mommy was going crazy and how we all needed to pitch in to help her around the house ! ( Ok , we really just talked about how we could all help each other ! But we all know the truth ! hah ! ) We started with Laura 's age group by reading the chores that were recommended and asking her if she thought any of those things were things she would like to help the family out with ! She picked out a few , and I picked out a few to round out her list . Then we repeated the process with each of the others ! Then we discussed what they thought were fair rewards . They said they didn 't know with homework if they could do some things every night , so we agreed that if they completed all of their chores for 5 out of the 7 days they would receive a small treat - like an Icee or a mini blizzard . We will keep chore charts that they receive a treat for and when they have 4 charts ( 4 weeks worth ) they will receive a fun time out with someone on the farm . Maggie said she wants Sho Sho to take her out to eat and Ann Cherie wants Dada to take her shooting . Laura just said " Yay " so I 'm not sure what her date will be ! lol So far - SUCCESS ! I have not gone to bed in tears in almost a week now and my house no longer looks as if it has the flu ( well , don 't check the corners ! ) So I say , even if this week was magical and never repeats , it was totally worth it ! Those little rugrats reformed . . . . so far ! So I am taking off my jeans and Ann Cherie says , " Momma , you need to go back to the Buckle and get you some more jeans . " so I said , " why ? " and she says , " Because you are about to grow out of yours ! " She really wasn 't being ugly ! That was the funniest part ! She just knows that 's what I say to her when hers are getting " too tight ! " Time to go back on the diet ! You just have to love the little miniature buggies at Tom 's Market ! They make LOTS of noise , and there are just enough ( 3 ) of them for each of my children to get to push one ! Laura and her buggy would qualify for Nascar ! Enough said . Ann Cherie looks out of place without her calculator the way she is questioning and checking prices of different foods and reasoning aloud as to why she NEEDS to buy some pizzas to feed her " Dada " on the snow day as she places them in her buggy after pausing patiently for me to respond positively to said reasoning . Maggie on the other hand is a quiet , yet calculative sneak . She is placing items of her interest in each of the buggies equally so as not to overfill her own and give away her quest to buy everything with sugar / sodium available to purchase in the store . Anyway , my stop for milk became a $ 50 snow day restock ! I am now suffering from the whole " my house on the flu " visions . . . Those rugrats , I swear ! I love it when my cactus blooms ! They are gorgeous flowers ! It reminds me of the prickly parts of life and how they suddenly will bloom just like the cactus ! I count my blessings when I see the beauty these typically ugly plants produce ! Yeah , we sorta bathed the living contents of the room each day and then put them back in to keep them sane during the week in the house ! I don 't know which was worse , the kids feeling terrible with the flu or the girls ' room looking terrible while they had the flu . Anyway ! Nothing a lot of laundry detergent , a good sweeping and mopping , and lots of clorox spray couldn 't restore ! Those rugrats , I swear ! Ann Cherie calmly looked over at me today after helping me do some things and said , " Mom , how are you ever going to remember things after I go off to college ? " Oh , Lordy ! I laughed so hard and then got to thinking that was only 10 years away . So I suppose I can count on her for that long and then I will use the excuse of her leaving for college to check myself into the nearest nursing home , where others can remember everything for me , including how to do my laundry and clean up after my children . Too bad Ann Cherie can 't remember how to do that on her own ! This video is an awesome inside joke ! I know it 's not about the rugrats , so sorry to disappoint ! But , to those that get it , CHEERS ! To others , it 's a funny song on the movie ! Enjoy ! To John Oszajca , you are totally " on the list " ! You rock ! Posted by As I drove off today , Laura ( home with the flu ) looked at Frankie and said , " I really like her . She 's funny ! " I have not quit laughing about that one . As Maggie and I are driving to the bus this morning with her incessant talking and my singing to the radio to drown her out , she says , " Mom , you are SO not listening to me , are you ? ! " To which I did not reply ! Lol As my children are sick , I have had a few days off . I had visions of reading while curled up with my little , quiet , sickly children getting up only to medicate and feed at appropriate time intervals , oh , and watching the occasional movie . Ahhh , the lazy dreams of mothers of sick babies . . . . DREAMS being the operative word seeing as none of the above has come to fruition . My home could rightly be declared a National Disaster zone and the food is not nutritionally capable of sustaining life , but does rightfully sustain the whine that emits from fussy children . Play - dough is now ground into my kitchen floor . Cheddar cheese and pizza sauce from extra cheese pizza Lunchables are ground into the dining room floor . Chips and another yet unknown and quite sticky substance ( possibly is a fruit chiller popsicle - melting of course , but yet unfound ) is ground into the cup holders of the couch in the living room . Maggie and Laura 's floor is littered with corn dog peelings ( They prefer the weenie to the bun ! ) and Cherry - Oh game pieces ( which as you probably know are tiny and enter your feet similarly to tacks when stepped upon - yes , from experience . . . ) . My bedroom floor hosts a trail of oreo cakester crumbs , which feel eerily like moon sand , and quite possibly could contain a mixture . Ann Cherie 's room is the only room oddly unscathed , but I must admit a few punching noises and minor screaming matches with words like , " Mom , she 's in my room AGAIN . I just want to knock her out . " with replies from me of , " She 's three and sick . I 'm coming ! " did their best to aid in this cleanliness factor . So literally , you cannot walk through my home without slipping or dodging or saying , " Ugh , gross . What is on the floor this time , girls ? " I dare not walk around without my dearfoams ! I have subsequently spent all day with the broom and a wet rag in hand . In with cleaning floors , cleaning tables , cleaning babies . . . . out with the movie watching , reading , and cuddling with kids . I know what you were thinking . . . What is she feeding these sick babies ? Posted by Oh , the joys of wiping up poopy bottoms , feeding little ones special food and lots of bottles , and rocking babies to sleep ! How I wish I was talking about little babies and not flu ridden kids ! Laura and Ann Cherie both tested positive for the flu today . Ann Cherie came over whining last night about how bad she felt and how she really needed to stay home from school today , etc . I laughed and told her to get over those Monday morning blues because she was going to school the next morning ! Then I started to hug her and give her the attention I knew she must need . OMG , she was BURNING UP ! I said , " Oh my , Ann Cherie , I think you have fever ! " So we checked it . 102 . Lord , mother of the year here ! I was giving her some bubble gum flavored Tylenol when Laura came around the corner and seeing pink said , " my toat hurwhats too ! " Thinking she just wanted some " pink drink " , I told her , " You aren 't sick , silly . This is medicine ! " And I leaned over to kiss her instead . Her cheek was ON FIRE ! She was running fever , too ! OMG ! So I dosed them both and called a sub for my class ! I took them both to the doctor this morning to be given the fateful news ! When we got home , Laura was standing in front of the cabinet when she suddenly said , " Momma , I was looking for the pot . " I look down and there is poo on the floor behind her . Ann Cherie starts to walk through the door and steps right in it and drags it about three feet while I 'm hollering , " Stop ! ! Stop ! ! " She looks down and starts gagging . Nice . So I strip them both down and , well , nothing a bath , a roll of paper towels , and a bottle of Clorox Clean - up can 't handle ! We 've been pooping , drinking " bottles " of juice , eating bread , and rocking ever since . As for the little babies thing , I was reminded today about how sweet some of that time was , but how I am SOOO glad they have grown out of everything but the rocking stage ! We began our Sunday morning with the usual ruckus to get to church and actually made it there ON TIME without killing anybody or at least threatening any more than the usual ! I was elated ! We sat in our usual pew on the top row in the balcony as to not disturb the ENTIRE church with my children 's racket ! Everything was going along so well ! We even agreed as the girls begged after church to go to the Chinese food restaurant to eat out with the rest of the population of Vivian . . . Yep ! I know ! That should have been the first clue ! But as my ADD brain is not mandatory to function on Sundays , it was turned off and off to lunch we proceed ! When we arrived , as I said the entire town had made the same decision , there was only one table left and we grabbed it up ! Yes ! I can relax now ! Wrong ! We ordered drinks and proceeded to the buffet . As we were preparing our meal , a little , sweet , " older " pentecostal couple was seated at the end of our table . ( The table sat 8 and seeing as we were only 5 the Chinese felt it was OK for us to share a table as that is probably their cramped little culture over there , but not when children are involved here . ) So needless to say , the girls were on their MOST GRACIOUS behavior for this couple now forcibly sharing Sunday lunch with us . Maggie said the blessing - which thankfully was appropriate and of a decent time interval for once ! She thanked the Lord for her whole family by simply stating " whole family " ! As that would be the end of world peace during the lunch hour , take a breath before proceeding with reading ! First fight began over the transition from cups with no tops to cups with tops as per parental request to the serving staff . Lord , start the alarms , tsunami coming in ! Laura WAS NOT drinking out of a " baby cup " . " I NOT A BABY ! " she screamed at her best . " Well , then go thirsty , because we must use tops to keep everyone and everything as clean as possible ! " I calmly replied . Well , the DEVIL himself created rice and that awful sweet red STICKY sauce . As I had placed myself ( wisely ) bePosted by I am so proud of my new voki ! Although , I look familiarly alien , I loved setting it up ! I can 't wait to create one for my teacher web site ! Go to voki . com to create one for your blog or website ! Just " You Tube " instructions on how to add it to your site ! I love Lisa 's added to W . T . Lewis Elementary 's website ! Thanks for the idea , Lisa ! I figured after the last post , I could tell you about other things that get hot , or should I say not so hot in my home ! My girls were making corn dogs earlier and the microwave quit on them . Frankie has been " getting a part for it " now for about a month or so . It will only heat for 3 mins consecutively or otherwise before shutting down - therefore lots of food ends up not so hot . Now , I don 't know about average microwave usage in 21 century homes or anything , but I know that my family uses WAY ABOVE average usage time and without that one appliance , life has seemingly caved in ! Anyway , I hear my girls trying to make corn dogs in front of the microwave saying , " Next year we are so asking Santa for a new microwave . " Seriously , that made me laugh so hard until I realized how sad it sounded ! Needless to say , it was the extra push Frankie needed to say , " Time to pick up a microwave when we go out tonight ! " " But what about fixing it ? " I asked with a sarcastic grin . " Yeah , well , no . We are just going to go buy another one today . " Which in husband speak means " I couldn 't find the part or figure out how to fix it , so I 'm using the girls as an excuse ! " Well , no matter how it worked out , I will finally be back in business ! Corn dogs and chicken nuggets - will be some hot stuff cookin ' this evening ! Those rugrats , I swear ! Yeah , had to look after seeing that title , huh ! Of course , I 'm talking about me ! I haven 't felt good all day and running fever tonight . So I 'm hot now ! It 's confirmed ! lol If only my jeans and my age would conform to the knowledge ! High Alert ! High Alert ! There is a magic marker fairy stopping by houses and writing on bed sheets in the middle of the night . Said fairy is also known to leave marks on the hands of bed sheet owner victims . When questioned , my children adamently denied knowledge of her visit . Beware ! Confiscate all markers and lock them in safes to maintain the security of your rugrats and bed sheets immediately ! ( Really not so funny at 6a . m . . . . . ) Don 't you just hate Mondays ? Well , today was a Tuesday - Monday ! We had the long holiday for Martin Luther King , Jr . Day and didn 't have to return until Tuesday ! Golly , it sure felt like a Monday , though ! Enough with naming the days ! My children woke up with the usual aches and and pains and coughs and excuses as to why they needed to stay home from school just ONE MORE DAY ! As if I didn 't want to stay home myself . . . When they realized that I was not giving in , I suppose they felt it my due recourse for them to argue , cry , hit , scream , etc . all the way to school ! Lovely , I said as I caught a flying foot letting the girls out at the bus stop . " But she DESERVES it , Mom ! " as if that is going to make me release said foot to bash sister . . . . as if I like bloody noses to add to the fuss . Whine is just not enough . . . well , that kind of wine might would have been but seeing as it is really frowned upon at school . . . Anyway , I go to get Laura out of the van and as if the bigger kids ' fits weren 't enough , she starts crying - like the high pitched , red - faced , super - loud , call CPS on my mother immediately cry ! " What ? " I cried , and she simply continued to look at me and scream as if I should just KNOW how I was devastating her . . . Anyway , turns out she wanted her boots , but we had her tennie 's , and she simply would not stand for having her hair brushed either , as in " the hair brush was going to turn her hair deep purple with red stripes and make it all fall out by the end of the day " kind of not wanting her hair brushed . Then - God Forbid - I had to take her into the daycare ! Oh my word ! She went insane ! I left her sobbing in the sweet lady 's arms after she peeled her off of me , waving bye as I walked out the door , and sat in my van just for a moment upon entry to catch my breath ! Off to school , which was just as interesting , yet unfortunately confidential , as if those mommas don 't know what their kids are doing at school anyway . . . Although , I know mine are perfect angels ! For real , what could they possibly have left in them to rouse aPosted by
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You all know I struggle with organization and general house cleanliness . Partly it is the chaos of having small children and partly it is my own inherent laziness . But I have an idea . I am going to maintain ONE problem area for ONE week ( I would like to say for one month but that scares me ) . You have all seen my desk and my mountain of mail & crap documented on many occasions . You may recall it more often than not looks like this : Not anymore people . I cleaned it on Sunday night and got it to this state : Today is Wednesday and it still looks like this : Now here is the thing . I 'm not stupid . I do get that keeping things clean and cleared off requires near constant yet minimal effort on a DAILY basis . The problem is that I am a perfectionist and for those of you who don 't suffer from this debilitating disease it is in fact debilitating . It doesn 't mean you are a clean organized person . It means if you can 't do it perfectly than it isn 't worth doing at all . It means that cleaning off the desk is meaningless if you can 't also clean up this : or this : or this : Because what is the point in having just ONE clean surface ? ! ? My instinct is to wallow around in self pity and give into the tidal wave of junk mail because working so hard CONSTANTLY to only have ONE 4x2 surface to show for it seems like a waste . I know that is the perfectionism talking . I know that when you walk in my house the FIRST thing you see is my desk . I know that when I sit at my computer the clutter and chaos makes me want to go somewhere else . So this is a test . First I will tackle this one area for one week . Then I will see if I can add another sore spot to my list for next week . And then another . I think it 's easier to be a perfectionist when one lives alone and therefore does not make messes and cleans up right away . I get major anxiety when at the boys house and it gets messy just by him being there . I can 't sit or relax until mess is cleaned . I 'm better than I used to be though - wine helps . I am a perfectionist too , and I think being married to an ADD / walking chaos man really does me in sometimes ! He just piles things everywhere , I get overwhelmed and so I don 't even try because . . . why bother if I can 't ever make it ALL perfect ? Hmmmthat sounds familiar . . . Me too , me too ! I get that it only takes minimal work everyday to keep it clean , but knowing it and doing it are two different things . BTW , I have an appt to get my hair cut tomorrow . It is coming OFF . I am super excited and feel like I want to puke all at the same time . Ok . What 's the problem with the desk ? I mean , at heart - - is it no place to put mail ? What 's on the desk , and what SHOULD be on the desk ? Is there a way you can put up shelves / hooks / bins on the wall so that the workspace can be clear ? I 'm good at getting stuff organized . Keeping it organized is another story . Emmy , like Mrs . F , my husband is the same way . Opposites attract , ug . And I think Baby Steps are the key . Evaluate what drives you the MOST crazy , and work backwards . The reason I ask about the shelving / bin thing is because you could chuck stuff into the bins , and when the bins get crazy , THEN deal with it . But this would keep your desk clean and give you a sense of control ( crucial for me ) . Great , now I have the Janet Jackson song Control in my head . Goddamn Blogger ! Is anyone having issues today ? ! ? Driving me insane ! ! ! Feener , sweet jesus I have so been there ! lol . . . I guess I should say I am there ; ) Heather , " I 'm good at getting stuff organized . Keeping it organized is another story . " word . as for the desk it isn 't a very functional desk and the decor kind of dictates no hanging basket / cubby items . . . and I do have some under the desk but Baby is getting into them . When my pictures EVER post you 'll see . Mostly I just don 't usually sort the mail and pile it for mythical later and that pile attracts all manner of bizarre misplaced items . Mrs F , I 'm so there with you . Well done on your baby steps ! You can do it . As we work from home we have a whole office full of crap and more paperwork than we know what to do with . I still haven 't done any work this year since I can 't currently face going in there , despite some projects being overdue and the fact that our accounts need to be submitted by the end of Jan otherwise it 's a 1 , 000 pound fine ( ~ 2 , 000 dollars ) . We did start to have a tidy today , but I just don 't know where to start . Mr Mole did throw out a whole crate full of old catalogues , phone books etc . which has cleared some shelf space to get some of the crap off the floor . We are going to tackle it further tomorrow , but Mr Mole is such a hoarder it 's really difficult . And I don 't want to even think about the kids ' squirrel / magpie habits ! On the positive side , we bought two new sofas and a rug for the living room just before Christmas and now the Christmas tree has gone I have been tidying it each evening , including plumping the cushions ( although as the newness wears off the sofas I suspect that will go out of the window ) and removing all of the kiddy crap , even if that just involves chucking it into the dining / playroom and shutting the door , after the kids go to bed . It is actually really nice to sit down in a nice clean , tidy adult room for an hour or so before bed . Have also been making a bit of an effort with our bedroom , which is usually a bomb site . Hey - - You 're going back to FlyLady without calling it that ! But working FlyLady by any other name does smell as sweet . . . or some other more witty metaphor I can 't come up with right now . I hope this works for you . Keep us posted ! Moley , Your comments continue to inspire me to do more at home ! Why is it that bedrooms are always such " bomb sites " ? Our is horrible , as bad or worse than the toys that litter the family room . It 's like the laundry monster simply cannot be tamed . It 's all clean , and yet I cannot somehow manage to get it put away . I also think the mess breeds mess ( sort of like wire hangers in a closet ) , so that if already looks untidy noone ( read : Husband ) thinks nothing of tossing things on the floor instead of hanging up . I have no idea how to solve this without feeling like I 'm always picking up after him . Ideas ? Mrs F said : " It means if you can 't do it perfectly than it isn 't worth doing at all . " That 's it ! It has been driving me crazy for nearly 7 years that I can 't clean the entire house in one morning once a week like I / we used to do before we had kids . And struggling with the feeling that if one can 't do the entire thing at once it 's not worth doing at all . Sabotage by perfectionism ! We do a pretty good job of keeping certain areas - like the kitchen - clean on an ongoing basis but the rest of it tends to go downhill fast . . . The desk is a big sore spot . And now that I have drawers to put things in there are piles squirreled away that weigh on my mind . Also a cabinet stuffed with crap that used to be on my desk . And my closet is utterly terrifying . Our bedroom is pretty bad too - Moley you have inspired me to tackle it this weekend ! Moley , " Mr Mole is such a hoarder it 's really difficult " LOL . . . yes we all are ! " It is actually really nice to sit down in a nice clean , tidy adult room for an hour or so before bed . " Yes . We also try every night to get everything picked up . . . our house is small and I HATE waking up to yesterday 's tornado of toy debris ! and you can stop junk mail for a fee . We have called to stop all catalogs but they still send them . . although drastically reduced we used to get 10 - 15 a day ! MommyTime , " It 's like the laundry monster simply cannot be tamed . It 's all clean , and yet I cannot somehow manage to get it put away " Yes ! ! ! Our laundry often doesn 't even make it out of the basement . I unload it and it sits in a mountain of clean clothes and I go and get ours out of the pile until it is time to start over . I finally cleaned my room last weekend and put all the piles of out of season clothes and other failed attempts at actually putting the clothes away in the drawers that were all over the floor . I love waking up to a perfectly clean room ! I 'd almost rather leave the clothes in the basement if it prevents the bedroom mess ! Emily , I think I was telling you last week that I have a cubby of shame that houses all the stuff I sweep off my desk when I need to clean it fast . Maybe I 'll do that next week . It is piled top to bottom and you can 't even open the door without facing an avalanche . The problem is that it is things I 'd like to save but don 't know where to store them . . . and junk receipts that I am compelled to hold onto " just in case " . Okay week 1 : keep desk clean . week 2 : keep desk clean & empty cubby . Good for you Mrs . F ! ! I live with the messiest person in the history of the world ! ! ! Something that I 've found that motivates me to keep at least the main areas clean is to invite people over frequently ! ! ! Missed you at class tonight ! ! We got there as Mr . F was getting baby out of the car , and I said to my husband ( really loudly ) " THAT ' S MR . F ! ! ! ! ! ! " then I felt really cool ! Good luck with your cleaning . I 'm trying to do the same sort of thing . . . Torey , oh yes company helps . It is always amazing to me how quickly I can clean the house when I know someone is coming over ! It is killing me that I missed class ! ! Mr F is a good reporter / gossiper so I think I have the 411 . Kid asked for me to take her on her date and how could I refuse ? I rarely spend any time with just her anymore . . . and I really miss it ( she is so much nicer that way ! ) . So " C " was as crazy as ever I hear ; ) I agree with Mommytime . I do Flylady and am pleased with the results . Like you , I 'm a perfectionist and Flylady lets that side of me be a little appeased . it 's like my tolerance for clutter has decreased so I clean it up quicker before it piles into chaos I can 't control . Sounds like you 've had a round with Flylady too . Good luck ! Amy , Yeah I tried Flylady a little while back . I couldn 't do her routines or really get into the whole " shine your sink " thing . . . but I did find it motivating and I did get the psychology behind it . After awhile I got really sick of all the emails and I quit . I suppose you could say clearing off my desk is the " sink " replacement . Time will tell . . . . Mrs F , I am so glad that you said what you said about perfectionism , my husband doesn 't understand what holds me back from cleaning up and its because I want to do it perfectly . I don 't want to just pick up the living room , I want to dust , vacuum and Febreze it . If I can 't then what 's the point , because I 'll just have to redo the whole thing ! Love the video post , thinking of trying that myself , we 'll see . Kiki , you should have your husband look at the crazy Flylady website . . . they do a really good job of explaining the whole perfectionism issue . ( must look past incredibly cheesy graphics and content ) Oh once you start with the videos you can 't stop ! I 'd post a video post every day but I fear that would get old pretty quickly ! Sounds reasonable , perhaps the other household members can help ? Or perhaps that 's like my household , meaning there is no hope whatsoever of that happening . Either way , good luck with the week . Well I 'm glad I 'm inspiring some of you , but I don 't feel very inspirational ! Sorry I missed all your comments last night as I took Mrs F 's advise and went to bed at midnight . The time difference is a pain ! I 've tackled the bedroom in 2 ways , but don 't get me wrong , it 's not perfect it 's just better than it was ! . One : I 've made a rule that there are no kids ' toys in there , and Hetty is very good with rules ( she 's just turned 7 ) and she reminds Bumble so that seems to be working . In fact she often reminds me of rules that I 've made and then forgotten . She doesn 't think there is a rule about keeping her bedroom tidy , mind you ! ! ! They are obeying the no food or drink on the new sofas rule though - for now anyway ! Just need the damn dog to stay off there now . The other thing is laundry , which tends to end up in our room . I should firstly say that Mr Mole is very good around the house , although he is probable also the worst offender for mess and clutter , but he does do quite a lot of housework . Anyway a few months ago I was being driven insane by his laundry antics . Over the 17 years we have shared a residence , I have lost count of the number of clothes I 've had ruined due to him managing to leave a stray black sock in a whites wash for example ; or a bright red one . Plus he never stain treats , so quite a few of the kids 't - shirts etc have got cooked in stains that will not now come off , and the worst thing is where he puts a load of washing in the machine and then forgets about it , so I find it hours later when it 's all creased . If there 's one thing I hate more than washing it 's ironing . Although we have a dryer , it is incredibly noisy and expensive to run so I only use it in an emergency , plus it ruins the pictures on the kids t - shirts . Or even worse he would put another load in when the radiators were already full , so there was nowhere to hang it . I suppose I should explain about our house . We don 't have a basement , the washer and dryer are in the kitchen and in the winter , the clothes are hung on the radiators and theJanuary 10 , 2008 at 4 : 56 AM Mrs F , I 've just mistakenly been to amazon . com instead of amazon . co . uk and noticed that they do groceries . They 've only got non - perishables but they do have a ' natural and organic ' section so it might be worth having a look . Obviously I have no idea whether the prices are reasonable or not but if they are it might help cut down the time you need to spend in - store . Yes ! ! ! Our laundry often doesn 't even make it out of the basement . I unload it and it sits in a mountain of clean clothes and I go and get ours out of the pile until it is time to start overWe used to be the same way . Really . But we 've managed to overcome this . Every night when we get home , we put in 1 load of laundry . We transfer it to the dryer . Then in the morning , we remove the load and ( AFTER MAKING THE BED ! ! ! ) dump the clean load on the bed to be put up . Since it 's only 1 load and it 's in a place I HAVE to clear anyway ( if I want to sleep ) , then it gets put up . Really , we used to dread laundry and now we don 't . It 's very simple . The only extra work we do on laundry ( besides pre - treating if necessary ) is to take most of my clothes after they 're done in the washer and hang them on hangers in the bedroom ( from the armoire ! LOL ) to dry . Then we hang them up in the closet when we put up the rest of the clothes the following night . Try it . . . Also - stop stressing so much about ironing . If you need something ironed , do it when you need it . Or just toss it in the dryer for a few minutes . This won 't work for all things , but it does the trick for most . I am just so happy to hear that everyone has the struggle with the house messes like me . It seems that whenever I am at other people 's houses , everything seems so tidy . I guess that would be because they cleaned up before I came ! And quite a few of my friends have HUGE houses so there are lots of places to spread out or put away the mess . Mrs F said : " It means if you can 't do it perfectly than it isn 't worth doing at all . " Exactly ! I feel your pain on that one . And the laundry thing seems to just be a universal truth . Piles of clean laundry in my living room function as the dressers we all should be using ! The item I sadly related to most in your photos was the table with not only the tissue box , but random tissues on it as well . WHY does that happen ? Every once in a while we have the family talk where I say I can 't do this whole clean house thing on my own - everyone must pitch in - but that usually only lasts about two minutes . Our counter of shame is in our kitchen where if I looked right now I would find mail , papers from school , camera , kid artwork , batteries , assorted screws , super glue , receipts and a myriad of other random items . Ugh . I have been overwhelmed recently by the news that one of our very well love cats has lymphoma , with a prognosis of a few months of life left . We worked up to the news gently with my boys , but if anyone has any advice on dealing with kids and pet death ( or any sort of death - my family has not been through that yet ) I would really love to hear it . My youngest son is so sad , and that has been the most heart - breaking thing for me . . . Oh ! It 's so nice to see that everyone else hates laundry as much I do ! ! I would happily hand wash all the dishes in our house if someone else would do my laundry . Actually , I 'll happily gather , wash and dry all the clothes . Then someone just needs to come and fold and put it all away for me . A huge part of the problem here is that we have two dogs who shed like none other . There is dog hair on every surface . So laundry comes out clean , gets put in a laundry basket and within SECONDS is covered in dog hair again . UGH ! ! So I feel like I 'm constantly washing the same things over and over . And there is no good surface on which to FOLD clothes because they all have dog hair on them . We also have such limited closet and dresser space that I 'm not even sure there is room for all our clothes to be clean AND put away all at once . I don 't think I could find a place for everything . We don 't have a basement or an attic . So rather than actually doing the laundry and dealing with this problem when it arises , I just avoid the whole thing . I feel as though a giant weight were lifted . Thanks for letting me get that out there ! ! Vanessa , Hi ! Thanks for commenting : ) " Or perhaps that 's like my household , meaning there is no hope whatsoever of that happening . " BINGOno actually everyone does try it is just an uphill battle against genetic predisposition . moley , " . By the time he came home I had calmed down but had also come to a realisation , and that is that I have had to ban him from doing the washing . " Mr F is banned from doing my laundry or the kids for this very reason . He does his own laundry and does linens when he feels like it . I do our laundry as I am obsessed with stain treating and drying on LOW only . Yes I do know what radiators are . It depends on the age of your house some older homes still have them and our apartments in NYC did . Amazon . . . I can 't get enough of what I eat to not still go shopping . . and the excess oil / gas needed to ship them to me I can 't justify with still going to the store anyway . And the prices are not as cheap as I can get anyway . Hmmm perfectionism sounds like a pain in the ass . Clutter and messiness bothers me , and I can 't relax properly if there 's stuff to be cleaned up . But I don 't have to do it all at once . I can deal with having a messy room if I have a plan to deal with it . Michelline , Oh I don 't iron . My issue is that with the kids at the ages they are I have to stain treat everything and that is what takes time . I could throw a load in no big deal but I don 't have the time to stain treat everyday . And since I wear the same things again and again I don 't have enough of my laundry to do a load a day . Mrs F , Mr F is banned from doing my laundry or the kids for this very reason . He does his own laundry I still do his as well but I hate having to turn everything back the right way . Why he and the kids can 't take their clothes off without getting them inside out is a complete mystery to me . I might have to put my foot down with him and tell him that if they go in the basket inside out they will stay inside out . Oh who am trying to kid ? - I should say go on the floor inside out . This one load a day thing does seem to be working out for me though . It just seems so much less stressful than letting it all pile up . No , when I had a good look at amazon , they didn 't seem cheap . Moley , lol . I actually have told my husband that what I find inside out stays inside out . This goes mostly for socks and t - shirts . I fold them as I find them . He has to turn them to wear them . It 's a little thing we agreed on to preserve our marital bliss ! Gigs , I 'm sorry to hear about your cat . Yes I do have some ideas . Things are a bit crazy right now so I 'll put it up a little later under the new Baby post since it isn 't so busy over there . I think we must have your email . . . I 'll email you later if I can 't get it up here before you go home from work . batteries . . . lol . . . I cannot tell you how many have found a permanent home on our counter ! Torey , " We also have such limited closet and dresser space that I 'm not even sure there is room for all our clothes to be clean AND put away all at once . " this is part of our problem . We definitely don 't have enough room to store the kids clothes . I barely have any so mine is not so much of an issue ! But stress not it appears we are all having laundry issues ; ) I have been overwhelmed recently by the news that one of our very well love cats has lymphoma , with a prognosis of a few months of life left . We worked up to the news gently with my boys , but if anyone has any advice on dealing with kids and pet death ( or any sort of death - my family has not been through that yet ) I would really love to hear it . My youngest son is so sad , and that has been the most heart - breaking thing for me . . . I 'm sorry to hear about your cat . It 's always so sad when we and our kids have to deal with loss . Our only experience with a pet death came on October 24 , 2002 ( my older daughter 's 7th birthday ! ) when a dog attacked our cat and mutilated her to the point where my husband and I had to make the choice to put her to sleep . Not a nice birthday for Tori . The vet 's office made a plaster of Emily 's paw print and we wrapped her in a blanket and carried her home in a nice box . At home , the kids wanted to say goodbye to her , so I unwrapped the blanket ( she just looked like she was sleeping ) and let them pet her and kiss her goodbye . Then we let them pick a place in the back yard to bury Emily . The next weekend , we took them to a flea market to pick out a " memorial " statue to put on the grave site . That really helped my daughters . There will be many , many tears . Esp . at night time when the distractions of day aren 't available . We talked about the fun times we had with Emily . We looked at many , many pictures . Both of my daughters have written stories about Emily and her life and those seemed to help . Young kids can make up songs about their departed pet and tell stories . Even years later , her death still comes up in a sad way at times . that is exactly what I do . You would never know or suspect that on a daily basis my house is a wreck . Aha ! You 've discovered the Howard secret . . . Entertain frequently . It keeps the house neater . ( or at least the parts the guests can see ) ; - ) Gigs , I have just told him he 'll have to turn his own stuff round from now on , so we 'll see how that goes . I need to try and train the kids too ! So sorry about your cat . It is so hard to lose a pet . We lost our beloved dog when the kids were 2 and 4 . We had to have her put to sleep the day before her 10th birthday . Bumble was quite young and he didn 't really bother that much about it although he had a bit of a cry . Hetty was much more upset and even now still cries occasionally . It won 't help you and your husband but the kids sorrow was eased by another dog . Not that they thought she was a replica , but it helps to still have a warm , furry , excitable creature to play with and cuddle . Mr Mole insisted on getting another dog 3 months after Jess died which I told him was too soon , but you know men - they never listen . As it was quite sudden , one thing I realised after Jess had gone was that we had very few pictures of her and the kids together . Plenty of them and plenty of her but just not together , so you might want to address that , if that 's the same for you . We scattered her ashes on her favourite lake , but we decided not to take the kids as Hetty was too upset . They got over it much sooner than us though . Two and a half years later and I 'm still welling up . I think you 'll be amazed at how resilient they are . moley & michelline , oh , now I 'm welling up myself . Your stories are very helpful , though heart - breaking . Pictures of Abby with the boys is a great idea and I will make sure to do that . My youngest has already asked me to make a poster - sized picture of her for his wall . And you 're right about the night being the worst . We cry for hours . We do have another cat already , but she is not nearly as affectionate as our ill one . This just seems to add to the injustice in my boys ' minds . I also like the " memorial " idea . I know they will want to do something special for her . Thanks so much for the support ! In theory I love the load - a - day for laundry , but in practice everything would be a horrible shade of dirty pink , since Son insists on as much of his clothing being red as possible ( he 's wear red pants if I 'd let him ) . This is , I 'm sure , simply what it means to be nearly - four , but it also means that I do a whole load of reds / browns each week and couldn 't really throw those in with my nice ivory work shirt doing a daily load . So , I wash twice a week . I put away the kids ' clothes promptly , since Husband is constitutionally incapable of finding anything suitable to wear in a hamper full of clean folded laundry , so the 5 minutes of put - away saves me lots of time in the mornings when he dresses the kids . As for my clothes - sigh - they lounge around in baskets while my empty drawers cry out to be filled . My bedroom looks like Moley 's used to , I bet . While this depresses me , I just don 't have the energy to fight it AND the demons of piled - up stuff in the kitchen , so I pick the latter . Ok , I 'm blathering while I eat lunch . But it does feel nice to be part of a little community of perfectly normal people who yet cannot manage to control something supposedly simple like mess . And this is why I love blogs . Mrs F . maybe when they are both in college and Mr F and I just have to deal with ourselves Not us I have to hold my hand up and say that we were just as messy before the kids , although there was obviously less mess overall . In fact I guess the kids learnt their messiness from us , and that 's partly why I don 't feel I can nag them too much . Although I do draw the line at empty packets left on the floor - I don 't do that ! I could throw a load in no big deal but I don 't have the time to stain treat everyday . And since I wear the same things again and again I don 't have enough of my laundry to do a load a dayOh Mrs F , you 've got it bad ! I gave up on my perfectionism with stains long ago , especially as we all have sensitive skin so I only use non - biological washing powder . I just spray the worst , especially Hetty 's white school shirts . Fortunately they can wear white or green so we persuaded Bumble that green polo shirts looked so much nicer . He fell for it and they stay much cleaner ! When the kids were baby 's age all of their clothes had stains . I 'd rather they had stained clothes than eczemaI 'm with you on the lack of clothes . I often wonder why none of the clothes I launder ever seem to be mine : - ) Our clothes just about fit in the drawers but Mr Mole loves buying t - shirts ( sigh ! ) so we now have a one in , one out rule , which he hates but it stops his drawer overflowing . Not that he wears most of them ! Moley . . . I am amazed that you rarely use your dryer . I shudder to think of managing without one . Hanging all the clothes up to dry would be the last straw for me ! Mrs F - not sure what you have available for kids clothes storage , or what their closet space is like , but we struggled with the same thing . You have Ikea , right ? Neither kid has space for a chest of drawers in their room , and the closets are small as well . What I ended up doing is buying 2 sets each of the Antonius wire storage drawers ( they have freestanding frames ) , which just fit in both closets - right up to the clothing rod , and leave a bit of space on the side for hanging clothes . Most of their clothes I don 't bother to hang , so with 8 drawers each that 's worked out to be plenty of room for little kids ' clothes ( one drawer for long pants , one for shorts , one for LS shirts / sweaters , etc . ) . I 'm so happy with this solution because there 's no clutter in the rooms themselves , you can see what is in the drawers without opening them so the kids remember where things go , and they can easily access all their clothes . Maybe it would work for you ! I can try to post up some photos on Flickr if you want to see . So if you 're doing the cubby of shame , I will do the terrifying cabinet of desk crap . You 're right , the problem is the things that you want to save but no place to put them . Sigh . This house feels like a jigsaw puzzle . MommyTime , I too do a separate load of reds / dark pink every time ! But I often only do the laundry every two weeks since the kids have SO many clothes . Moley , No uniforms for Kid so lots of clothes and boy does she somehow manage to smudge chocolate all over everything ( actually she is getting better ) but with 2 girls I am trying pretty hard to be able to pass down as much stuff as I can . Gigs , I 'm glad Moley and Michelline got back to you . I will still try and email you later ( may be tomorrow ) . Emily , Oh Kid 's room is CRAZY ( it used to be a kitchen when our house was a duplex at one point ) so lots of cabinets but no real way to organize the clothes . . . I 'll post pics next week ! And Baby has no room so she just has a dresser shoved in the guest room . What I need is for my MIL to stop sending us clothes . . . seriously it is out of control ! I think it 's really mean of you to post pictures of my house all over the internet like that . I was diagnosed as " mildly obsessive - compulsive " after Kiddo was born . OCD is utterly PARALYZING for the very reason you mentioned . My problem ( besides the OCD thing , of course ) is that if I start cleaning , I cannot stop . I sense I am about to go on a big organizational binge , which is usually precipitated by a lot of stress - - organizing is how I manage anxiety . Maybe I should take your lead and post photos . The very mention of FlyLady makes me sweat . The emails overwhelmed me and nearly hospitalized me with panic . My husband calls her " She Who Shall Not Be Named " . yes , the emails are TOTALLY insane . i opted out . i don 't need reminders . the piles are reminder enough , aren 't they ? don 't reply - i know you 're too busy . have a good day ! Deb , " he emails overwhelmed me and nearly hospitalized me with panic " lol . . . YESAmy , for some bizarre psychic reason I started getting them again today ( SERIOUSLY ) I cancelled them 6 months ago and haven 't had one until today . WEIRD .
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I read the first three chapters of Mansfield Park a couple of days ago . I was struck by Austen 's wit . You can easily read over her amusing satire and take her style for granted , but when you look a bit closer , you realise her writing 's full of her biting tongue - in - cheek - ness . For some reason , this book [ which contains perhaps the most boring and , arguably , the most insipid of Austen 's heroines ] and the heroine Fanny Price , was Austen 's favourite , of all her books . It 's hard to know why . Fanny doesn 't have a lot going for her . She 's not ' tolerably pretty ' , with good teeth , fine eyes and a biting wit like Lizzy , she isn 't an avid gothic - romance reader like Catherine ; she doesn 't have Anne 's tragic romance and intelligence or Emma 's penchant for matchmaking . You could almost read the book and miss Fanny , she 's such a shadow . I like this movie adaption with Frances O ' Connor - except for a couple of fast - forward scenes . . She 's realistic , at least . What do you think about this heroine ? What makes her a girl worthy to be a heroine ? Why would Austen have liked her so much ? - [ a tired ] Lydie Her voice was slightly soft , contemplating . The eyes were a little strained , considering . " hmm , I 'm not sure . What do you think about this blue , with white trimming ? My mum has some white lace - bought it cheap when she was making a dress a while ago - that might work under the bodice , and as trimming around the neckline and skirt . " " Yeah , but there 's black . That might work really well with blue aye . " " Ooh , should we go with blue and black then ? " . . . The girl was sitting on the cork floor , wielding a butcher 's knife . Her face was slightly raised , thinking , one hand holding the meat axe , suspended in midair . Large bits of lamb were being assaulted . " So what should we do for dessert then ? " " What were you thinking ? " " Not sure . We were going to go with the chocolate mousse aye , but I 'm not sure we have the ingredients for it . " " We could do something with apples then . Like apple crumble ? " " And ice cream ? Yeah , that might work ! " . . . It felt like a trap . The iron lid clanging as it fell , the mind inside a dank pit , no escape . Wanting to do the right thing , but not enough to see the right thing to its conclusion . Trying to help , to keep the peace in that situation where two warring minds collide , pierce each other and retreat . An armistice might be called , but at what cost ? Peace does not mean resolution . Her mind , usually seeking to eliminate anything difficult and disturbing from itself , could not do battle with the situation , and dark closed in . . . . Thoughts / prayers . . . . wow God , Your timing is amazing ! - I should have trusted You more , of course . . . Of course You 'd provide . And this is so ideal , You knew all along - but wanted to test my faith ? I 'm glad You did . I needed it . . . . . " It 's like a different world . " The girl with the long brown hair nodded , understanding . " All these amazing dresses . . " " I really like this one . " She pointed to the dress , sweeping white satin with a beaded bodice and crimson satin detail . " Or this green one - cream and green go so well together . Anything green , actually . " - - - The shop lady , black - jacketed wiposted by Lydie at 11 : 12 pm 3 Comments Not so much silence as stillness . Peace of the uncluttered mind . Strange that calm overtakes the preoccupied body when in those rare moments , the mind forces the hands to sink down , the eyelids close and the mind lie blank , thinking on the end of nothing . Like a hibernating computer , the brain prepared to re - focus , yet sitting dormant in the sudden quiet . The woman breathed ; in , out . Expelling thoughts , re - focusing . Mind blurring those thoughts like breaths ; in , out . So many rejected , a few chosen , used . Minds awake now , so late at night and nearly morning ; thoughts ballooning , larger in the dark of silent rooms , large in the troubled expanse of midnight . Biting psychological nails , spirals of internal laughter thinking back on the day , the stealthy approach of sleep like shadows , infiltrating the mind . Nothing remembered of that state between consciousness and the subconscious in the chill light of morning . Only the weary repetition of clutching anxiety , thoughts still imprisoned in the journey of the mind . The body was tired . Knuckle joints aching , exhaustion pressing behind the darkened globes of the eyes and the lids falling over them , down , down , black slits in the impassive face . The shoulders drooped , were straightened by the resisting mind , fell . The heater behind the back radiated heat to the cheeks , flushing with pin - points of warmth . - Lydie Great things are happening on our fridge at the moment . People come up to our fridge , park themselves in front of it , stare at it , then start laughing . This phenomenon began last night , when my friend brought out a bottle of " Writer 's Remedy " , a glass jar full of the magnetic words you put on fridges . Like , the whole set of them , not one missing . Sentences have been made , like : " Investigate wine " and I 'm packing up my room at the moment because I 'm planning to get out of our house in the next week . No , it 's not a teenage rebellion thing actually ; my revered parents are going overseas for an outrageously long time to have a fantastic traipse around the globe , and they are leaving me alone , like a sparrow on a rooftop . [ Psalm 102 : 7 ] . Except that this sparrow intends to have a roof over her head , unlike David 's legendary bird . Packing up anything can scarcely be called ' fun ' yet it can 't fail to be interesting , when there 's so much accumulated history to unpack first . When you start unpacking the room , in order to sort through everything and stick it in boxes , you get a horrible , confused mess . It literally looks as though a dragon has danced around your room ; the ground is covered with every conceivable item known to man , and your brain has lost every particle of organising skill you once possessed . The difficulty is that a lot of what was stored in odd corners and strange boxes and containers was placed there covertly because you didn 't know what to do with the stuff last time you had to deal with it . A room can look properly tidy , yet underneath it 's pristine outer layer is hidden all manner of strange odds and ends from your childhood . For instance , old clothes [ yikes , I used to wear that ! ] , random knick knacks that you appreciate and treasure as a child , then have to part with when you 're older and wiser , and stacks of pens and old schoolwork and perfume and old socks and [ horrible , broken ] jewelery and stickers and toys and bizarre tapes and bits of lego and paint tubes and etc . Strange remnants of life when you were younger . [ Yeah , it 's okay , I 'm not going to reminisce or start to muse on the transience of life ] . But two good things happened while I was sifting through the junk . As happens when you 're sorting through junk you haven 't seen for an age , you find things . I found an earring ! A particularly special , bluey - green earring shaped like a starfish , that my respected Grandmother had bought for me . The brposted by Lydie at 11 : 29 pm 1 Comments Aww , check this out ! http : / / afaithfulreadersblog . blogspot . com / My all - time favourite anonymous commenter has made a blog for me to read ! I asked her if I could see her blog , but wasn 't allowed because it had details like her name on it . So now I get to know this mysterious person a little more , yet the mysterious person retains her mystique ! Love it . - Lydiep . s . - two posts in one day ! That 's surely a record . I was reading about Night today , on Wiki of course . It made me get out of my lovely , idealized world for a little while , forcing my mind to scrape the edges of true horror , humanity 's depravity and the black descent of the soul . Eliezer was a fairly normal Jewish Orthodox lad , living in northern Transylvania with his family ; their country was annexed in 1940 by Hungary and most of the population were sent to the gas chambers or to slave labour and concentration camps by the Germans . Elie survived the utter brutality of the camp Auschwitch ; the U . S . Third Army freed the prisoners in April 1945 . But he wasn 't free . Liberation can not restore five years of soul - killing horror . Although he had strongly believed in God through his Jewish Orthodoxy before the annexation , and continued to be a devout believer through part of his time in the camp , he soon could not reconcile the hideous suffering he saw with his former belief in God . He watched as babies were used as target practice by soldiers , as hundreds of prisoners were tossed into fire pits and more were starved and beaten . Elie 's story reminds me of 1984 . The protagonist , Winston Smith , is a fairly ordinairy guy with a sense of right and wrong . After intense psychological and physical pain , he sells his soul by betraying Julia , the girl he loves . The question that is bugging me is : Wouldn 't I do the same ? If I went through the horror that Elie suffered , or was tortured like Winston - would my love and faith for God die ? Or would I be like Foxe 's martyrs , and trust to death ? A belief is only worth something if you 're willing to die for it - and not just die for it , but suffer hideously for it . Because if it 's worth more than what 's in the world , then it must be worth more than anything the world can do to your body . I don 't want weak faith . Anything could happen to me . Like Elie , my life could be annexed by horror and I 'd have to do one of two things , believe or despair . Do you have a belief worth dying for ? Dishwasher humming . Back aching . Mum looking through the bible for a verse she needs . Rustling paper . Plastic - click of keys as she punches them . Thinking about today . Did anything happen ? Fragments , nothing united . Stares avoided . Wide smiles . Oratory skills of the new preacher . Rain lighted by the car 's lights . Kitchen people . Worrying about breaking a cup ( again ) . A sausage roll falling down , catching alight in the oven . Running . Losing a hymn sheet . Finding it . Flushed faces , stray hairs . Waiting in line , coffee - time . Do I look okay ? No earrings . That 's why I feel incomplete ! 10 minutes before we need to leave , dear ( should have set the alarm clock ) . Squirt of hand sanitizer after leaving the rest home . Like loving the people in that room then washing them off . Singing . Do I sound okay ? Getting the first note wrong - oh , it 's so low . Now it 's too high ! Laughing hard . Laughter dying . Will my parents open the door ? Leaning against the red bricks of the entrance . Waiting . Finally ! Explanation time - no , I 'll try not to do anything crazy when you 've gone . Modeling proper feminine decorum . You can trust me . Quietness . Reflecting - did I really say that ? Tomorrow morning I 'll be horrified at myself . Cleaning tomorrow . That 's right . Packing up . Boxes and tape . Should I make breakfast for my parents ? I 'll be too tired . I need to box up my room , leave . Where to ? Have to rely on God . Have to . And gardening . Must weed the vege patch . - Lydie I 've recently become a fan of boiled eggs . They must be ever - so - slightly soft in the center , be served on in a cute little egg cup and be sprinkled with salt and cracked pepper . And be hot ! So important - a slightly clammy , luke - warm egg would simply be unacceptable . Although I would eat it , for the fact that it was a boiled egg . I would just protest . What do you think about boiled eggs ? Are you averse to them , apathetic , or do you love them strongly ? It seems there are some people ( like Theresa ) who have come from hating eggs to loving them . It was an almost necessary change ; she became gluten free and had to eat something , and then gradually came to appreciate them ! There are many different ways that people eat their eggs . Some are unique and strange . . . Some people enjoy eggs that have barely been boiled ; they drip . That 's awful - the mere idea makes me shudder . I was greatly disturbed yesterday when one of my boiled eggs was slightly slushy . I had to tip the egg upside down and let that . . . fluid drip on to my plate . Eww . But , people ought to feel free to eat eggs in their own style . It seems that the eggs ' texture is a matter of intense concern to many people , and is entirely a personal preference . Mm . . toast and boiled egg ! Amazing . I hope I dream of them tonight . . . - Lydiep . s . my mum was concerned about my sudden liking for boiled eggs - because they are apparently extremely high in cholestorol . I did a little research , and found that the consumption of two eggs each day has shown no adverse effect on healthy people . In fact , egg yolks contain many essential vitamins and essential minerals . Therefore ( based on the premise that I 'm a healthy person ) I feel fine about eating them ! You should too : ) Degas painted women . He actually painted women , which is more than can be said for John Waterhouse . He captured their essence , whereas House only caught one small dimension of their character . Ballet was a big theme ; that 's where you find pretty women I suppose . He seemed to be preoccupied with these girls rearranging their costumes . Still , that 's what you do when you have thirty seconds to get ready before you 're on stage again . He liked the contrast of the old ballet teacher and the young girls . He includes this man and his knobbly walking stick in a lot of the ballet paintings . Note the contrapposto attitude of these girls . Degas certainly did idealize women to some extent . I 'm noticing that he picks a colour scheme and runs with it - you 'll find the women 's bodies complement the backgrounds , because Degas tinted the flesh blue or pink or brown , based on his theme colours . * Sigh * . I love ballet . I used to take lessons when I was a young lass , but after several years the Doctor said I had to stop - some problem with my feet . Seems to be a commonality with young girls , to take ballet lessons for a few years , dream of being a Real Ballerina one day , and then stop . - Lydie I 'm reading the Qur ' an at the moment . At our University clubs days earlier this year I was given The Glorious Qur ' an . A Muslim society had a little stall at the end of the row of tables , with a bookshelf parked out in front of their table . I spotted the books sitting on the shelf , and inquired if I could take one - they gave me a copy happily . I think I said I 'd read it . Sadly , it 's not the real deal : it 's called " A Simplified Translation of The Qur ' an for Young People . " Well , that fits me . What is cool about it is that it has the Arabic Text next to the English Translation - so I can flick my eyes over at the beautiful Arabic words , ( which go backwards ) , as I read . There 's a section called " About Prophet Muhammad " which comes before the text . Interestingly , when a Muslim says or writes the word " Muhammad " referring to the Prophet , it seems to be correct ettiquette to immediately say " peace be upon him " afterwards . Throughout this little section about the Prophet 's life , the abbreviation " p . b . u . h . " is littered - easier for the typist I suppose . I might give some updates on the Qur ' an and some thoughts I have of it . It would be very interesting to compare the Qur ' an to the Bible . . Here 's a picture I found - I 've decided that the man is just very small . - Lydie My friend Theresa and I made gluten - free squiggles yesterday . For the uninitiated , squiggles are ( by far ) the best biscuits In The World . They surpass in every way every other biscuit in existence , simply because they have everything going for them . They start off with a plain ( almost unappetising ) vanilla biscuit , with necessarily fluted edges . Over the biscuit is spread a thick , buttery - caramel icing , pale golden in colour . On top of this are bits of hokeypokey , chopped up and pressed into the icing . As though that weren 't good enough , the biscuits are dipped into melted milk / dark chocolate , and left to set . And then , the grand finale : the reason for the name . White chocolate is melted and coloured a caramel colour , then piped in squiggles over the biscuit . I don 't need to explain why Squiggles are the best after that description , as I 'm convinced you must all now agree . Although other biscuits have their merits , they ain 't got nothin ' on the Great Squiggle . So , we made them . It wasn 't really hard : I made the cookies ( easy ) , Theresa came over and we made the icing ( and flavoured it with maple ! Maple works instead of caramel flavour which we didn 't have ! Or , if you 're a really boring person you could use vanilla ) , my excellent mother made us hokeypokey which we chopped up and pressed into the icing , then we melted chocolate and dipped the cookies . We had no idea we 'd need SO MUCH chocolate - we just kept melting the stuff . After that , we melted some white chocolate and coloured it blue , yellow and pink , then piped it on the biscuits . They looked so much like the original Squiggles ( but better ) . And then we took photos ! Mmm ! Finally , a word of advice : If you 're in the middle of piles and piles of study that MUST be done , and you desperately need to procrastinate , head over to a friends ' house and make biscuits ( preferably Squiggles ) with them . Eating a certain number of Squiggles each day helps your brain to function properly - just don 't eat too many , otherwise your heart might stop functioning properly . . If you want thposted by Lydie at 11 : 11 pm 7 Comments Isn 't it strange to think that we 'll all be old one day ? I can 't imagine it , the present is too immediate . Our society 's emphasis on youth , beauty , fashion , sport and the aquisition of money makes me forget that I 'll be 75 one day ( maybe ) when none of those things will impact me . But one day , we 'll have really saggy bits , we 'll probably lose at least a part of our eyesight , we might need walking sticks or a frame ( horrors ! ) and , most tragically , our fashion sense will be quite gone . We 'll be way more fragile , and become susceptible to getting infections and diseases , as our bodies wind down and our vital organs lose their vitality . If we 're lucky , our children will let us stay with them and their families - if we 're unlucky , we 'll end up in a resthome , an ordinairy one or one for dementia patients . If we get dementia ( a not unlikely occurrence ) we may spend the rest of our lives talking away to ourselves , or reliving old stories as though they 're still relevant , or we may wander up and down purposelessly . Perhaps we may believe that our parents are still alive , or that we don 't live at the resthome , but live with our families . If we 're still computer savvy , maybe we 'll spend a lot of our time on PensionBook . If we 're christians , we 'll ( hopefully ) believe that we don 't ever need to spend our lives , as some fit and well old people do , playing golf or going bowling . Perhaps we 'll realise that we can strive to be unselfish even in our old age , and work harder for God in evangelism , youth training , Christian book writing , and mission work . Maybe we can volunteer for work in our churches , and maybe the old women can train up the young women and wives . They could challenge the young people in their congregations to quit wasting their lives in superficialities , sport , fashion and petty relationships , and help them to see their potential for being world - shattering christians . They could be amazing models to young christians of what a Christian should look like after living a self - sacrificing life for Christ . I would LOVE to be anposted by Lydie at 11 : 39 pm 5 Comments I wrote on another blog tonight - called ' Meditations of a Cod ' , which is a blog devoted to a story that has many authors . No one had written anything since December , and I finally broke the trend ! Here 's the link , if you 're interested . . . http : / / meditationsofacod . blogspot . com / - Lydie : ) p . s . I 've finished uni for the semester ! I 'm so glad . The last exam was today , and my hand is almost recovered . Hope your study and exams go well , y ' all . The girl sitting at the green vinyl - covered table was looking out of the window . Beyond the tangled cape gooseberry plant and blueberry bushes were triangular blocks of houses , shapeless outlines against the pale blue sky . There were fragments of gray - touched white cloud that sat over the feathery outline of a deciduous tree . Each leafless branch was raised upwards , the twigs and branching arms intertwined and overlapping in the distance . Flickers of light from the sky on the black lines . Then the clouds gathered themselves together in one smooth white arch . Blue deepened as evening approached and the clear blue was shot through with the falling sun that accentuated the tree 's branches . The girl swallowed . There was another world out there that didn 't have anything to do with the papers , pens and laptop before her . Sheets of neatly written mind - maps , tiny handwriting . Facts , links and themes all branching from the topics in the middle of the pieces of paper - she was supposed to be forcing that information into her unwilling brain . Even though the sky outside was deepening and the magnolia tree was reaching bony branch - arms into the dining room with tiny buds that were glowing in the evening sun . Impossible . She looked at the screen before her - tiny writing , tiny details that led to one big event . But it was coming , and she had to study . Had to , otherwise there would be a bad grade that would last in her mind longer than the clouds outside . - Lydie The calix is a green flower where the stem 's been cut ; it 's dried and papery but an interesting contrast to the smooth orange skin . They tasted good . The texture 's why I called it ' odd ' - when you 're eating a piece of persimmon it has all these different textures within the one piece . A standard apple isn 't like that . You get rid of the icky core and you 've got evenly textured apple - flesh which you ( vampirishly ) bite into . The persimmon 's a completely different animal . Check out those concentric circles . You can feel those circles when you eat a persimmon . Promise . This fruit belongs to the Ebony tree family , of the genus Diospyros . Before you fall asleep , that word Diospyros means " the fruit of the gods " in Ancient Greek . The humble persimmon was the fruit that scholastics have argued was the ' lotus ' which nearly made Ulysses ' crew want to stay on an island ( I don 't know which one ) and eat the fruit for the rest of their lives , in the joyous company of the Lotus - Eaters . I certainly doubt that the Persimmon was the fruit of that mythical tale : the fruit doesn 't deserve an adjective beyond ' nice ' . One must be cautious when choosing persimmons to buy : Unripe persimmons contain inedible , astringent tannins , and overripe persimmons taste like sweetened , cooked mush . One should judge carefully : the fruit must be firm yet yield slightly to pressure ; if you buy rock - hard ones they mightn 't be unripe , but most likely you won 't get to eat them at the proper time . Persimmons appear to be temperamental ( like women ) - one moment they 're hard as nails , the next moment they 're destined for the compost . Persimmons are also aesthetically pleasing . They didn 't have photoshop back in the days when John Waterhouse - the great painter of women - was around . He didn 't need it . He had an eye for beautiful women ( in the painterly , as well as the * ahem * more R18 sense ) - if he wanted to paint the ideal of feminine beauty , why , he screwed out the paint and dabbed it here and there - hey presto , a beautiful woman . Even though I admire ( and have fallen partially in love with ) a lot of what he painted , I hold a strong and abiding grudge against him . He was the key idealizer of women in the 19th Century . Because that 's what he painted , 99 . 9 % of the time - the only times I remember he painted men was the effeminate Narcissus , staring mesmerized at his reflection in a pond , and the Great Ulysses , tied to the mast of his ship - and even then there were female sirens floating around . And in every painting he did of women , he painted them as impossibly beautiful objects in an idealized setting . Take this painting , for example . Look at her . Nobody looks like that , and certainly no woman dresses in a flowing , pink - sashed dress with bare feet , to pick flowers by herself in an outrageously beautiful fairyland . No one . Note her hair - even though she 's outside , not one single hair is out of place in that smooth , raven coiffure . I conclude that she is not at all real - rather , she 's an idealized object designed to attract men and make women envious . They could never be a part of that world . Here 's another one of the Great Waterhouse 's works : I don 't know the history behind this little masterpiece . It probably ran something like this though : A well known lady - thief , infamous for horse stealing , once managed to steal a horse from a poor knight who fell off the horse when he saw her coming up the road . He jumped to his feet and gazed at her wondrous beauty , but when he saw the full extent of her perfect complexion he flung out his arms , had a mini - heart attack , and died on the spot . The moral of the story is : Beauty is Dangerous . hmm . Perhaps not - maybe it 's something dumb like : a ratherposted by Lydie at 11 : 59 pm 10 Comments I would write a proper post on here - but I 've spent all my spare time commenting on this blog ! So I 'll get some sleep instead . This will be the shortest post in this blog 's history : ) Goodnight , world . It 's cold . The windows , single - glazed , allow heat transfer from inside to outside , and cool the artificially heated rooms . Flowery curtains , draped down past the window ledges , can 't stop the air cooling as the round , blaring heaters blast heat then pause , waiting till the room cools again , to continue pumping heated air that merges and cools with colder air . Outside there is pervasive silence . Not even a drip from the eaves can be heard ; the sky is quieted after its explosion of frozen and liquid water that speeded to earth from the skulking masses of gray earlier today . The hail that fell whitely on the neighbour 's roof tops , has melted , freezing the tin and trickled down the pipes into the sinking gardens . The chill of the day bespeaks the reason for my attire . I 'm sitting here , in the shadow of the bunk bed , thinking . About lives in transition , and character building through difficulties , of what loneliness is and the need to be true to oneself . Secretly , I 'm glad about my warm winter clothes . They 're not pretty to look at . If they were , they would be departing from their function as snug , roomy , thick , protective layers - designed to keep the warmth in and the chill out , not at all meant to be attractive to the eye . I 'm wearing my study pants : thick knitted woolen slouch - pants , navy in colour and high - waisted . They 're an oddity that I was happy to find at an opshop around the corner ; at our first meeting I knew that our relationship would be a deep and abiding one , that they would be my study pants and that they would be excellent protection in the cold winter . I was utterly right ; I 've worn them a couple of times so far ( I only picked them up last week ) and they have proved snug and altogether suitable for long bouts of study . The other important study gear that I 'm wearing at the moment is a fine , machine - knitted woolen gray jersey . It used to be a man 's jersey ( men get it good when it comes to clothing ) but is admirable for my purposes . It 's hugely big , but it 's warm with its baggy stomach - area , and its mammposted by Lydie at 11 : 15 pm 2 Comments I couldn 't think of much to write about today , so here 's one of Tennyson 's poems . It 's called " Blow , Bugle , Blow " . . . Before you read it , imagine a dark sky with stars glinting through skeleton - trees , the ruins of a noble castle , crumbling in rough heaps of dusty stone , dark tentacles of ivy , over spreading the ruins , and a black lake , shining in the moon 's path . . Also , imagine that another , ancient fairy world lies just beyond this landscape - so close that you can hear its music . * By the way , I 'm not entirely sure why the words didn 't come up , but the blank space actually isn 't blank . The words are in white - if you click and drag on the blank - ness , you 'll see the words - almost magically . * THE splendour falls on castle wallsAnd snowy summits old in story : The long light shakes across the lakes , And the wild cataract leaps in glory . Blow , bugle , blow , set the wild echoes flying , 5Blow , bugle ; answer , echoes , dying , dying , dying . O hark , O hear ! how thin and clear , And thinner , clearer , farther going ! O sweet and far from cliff and scarThe horns of Elfland faintly blowing ! 10Blow , let us hear the purple glens replying : Blow , bugle ; answer , echoes , dying , dying , dying . O love , they die in yon rich sky , They faint on hill or field or river : Our echoes roll from soul to soul , 15And grow for ever and for ever . Blow , bugle , blow , set the wild echoes flying , And answer , echoes , answer , dying , dying , dying . - Lydie It 's a conversation starter , primarily . It also doubles for the : " I haven 't talked to you for a really long time , and I 'm making up for the neglect by getting you to talk about yourself . " Another way it is used is when people feel they ought to talk to you , but don 't know you and so have very little to talk about . Asking someone how they are not only helps put the trouble of conversation - making on the other person , but gives you conversation options once the person 's done trying to explain their state of being . Also , the question is used as another form of " hello " , which ought be answered with " good thanks " . When people ask me this question , I often give them a blank stare while I try to collect my thoughts , or I 'll look into space , trying to analyse just how I am . People get a little weirded out by this at times . I reckon the question 's covertly difficult , for the following reasons : a ) Even if it were possible to explain to someone just how you were , it 's hard to know how much you should tell the inquirer about yourself , and whether or not they actually want to know how you are , or are just being polite . b ) The two - second response time you have to examine your physical / emotional / psychological state seems like too little time to decide just how you are . After all , not many people even think about how they are at many points during the day ; and if they do , the definition of how they are quite likely isn 't the kind of thing they want to go trying to explain to someone they don 't know . c ) It seems that one 's actual state of being can be so complicated - even if by just little , un - analysed feelings , that it is too elusive to be put into thoughts , let alone be explained to someone else . d ) It 's such an awkward conversation starter , since no one is as interested to hear about you as they are to talk about themselves . How are you : Do you find it hard to answer ? - Lydie Margaret and Elizabeth certainly changed their views . Margaret believed Mr . Thornton was a tyrannical master who didn 't care a hoot for his workers - and was ' not quite a gentleman ' - to deciding , in the end , that she wasn 't good enough to marry him . Elizabeth , who had more grounds for disapprobation ( love the word , stole it straight from her rejection of Darcy ) of Mr . Darcy , based on his " arrogance , conceit and selfish disdain for the feelings of others " - to deciding that he 'd improved so much , that her opinion of him had reversed itself completely when he asked her again . Women . They 're such impressionistic idealists . This idea of a ' gentleman ' that the two ladies advocate seems to be a mix of culture , eloquence and easy manners . Margaret 's belief that Thornton isn 't quite the gentleman is based solely on his status as a manufacturer , and the fact that these kinds of tradesmen lack the finer qualities of a gentleman - like courteousness , pleasantry , an informed mind and accomplishments . Her ' cold quietness of demeanor ' when she 's forced to make conversation with him the first time they meet completely unnerves Thornton , who as a mill owner and magistrate is used to a fair bit of deference . Elizabeth 's ideas are less aery faery - she 's repulsed by the fabulously wealthy Darcy because his manners are apalling . While Margaret sees gentlemanliness as primarily conduct dictated by a man 's status , Elizabeth ( the enlightened one ) sees gentlemanliness in men of any station - for instance , her mistaken view of Mr . Wickham 's character , and her uncle 's gentlemanly character . Anyway , it 's outrageously early , and my thoughts are running out . Ideas , anyone ? Yesterday afternoon I was biking home from Uni . It was cold , but there was blue in the sky - so good to see after all the rain we 've had . May broke new records : we had more rain that month than Canterbury has had in thirty years , gray , oppressive skies and never - ceasing rain , growing puddles and mini - waterfalls pouring into the drains . When I turned into the big park close to our house and biked along the path , the sun had seeped through the clouds and was laying itself flat against the grass , making it vividly green , stretching out across the wide expanse to the rugby league building . It glowed through the red - brown leaves of the canadian maple trees that spread branches over the path . Across from me , out on the grass a lady was throwing a ball for her golden retriever puppy to catch . The ( very ) golden retriever glided to the ball and . . um , retrieved it . It was like a movie shot - everything happening so perfectly , and with such ideal beauty . I had a thought after I passed them : ideal beauty pleases us humans so much . It 's so satisfying when we have a day that is ' perfect ' or when a story is completed well , with everyone happy , or when we see a picture that is so narrow in its focus and components that the image is ' beautiful ' . Women who have the most symetrical faces are the most desired , while women with less symmetry are perhaps more loved . Seeing the pink - and - blue of a sunrise is mesmerizing , while red - and - gold sunsets leave us gaping . Life is only like that in spots though . It seems that we strive for an ideal lifestyle based on our love of these small times where beauty reigns . But perhaps beauty - worship isn 't such a good idea : after all , the kind of beauty we love so much is appreciated because it is rare , and over so quickly . If we were confronted with the physical reality of an idealized world we would soon discard our previous ideas of perfect beauty and want something more fulfilling . In comparison to those vivid colours of light on grass , my world - cooped up in a room studying - was a slightly depressinposted by Lydie at 10 : 38 pm 2 Comments I 'm a plagiarizer . I stole the title of this post from Theresa 's blog . Then tweaked it a little . . . . . . It 's my fault , of course . My mum came into my study - room this evening and showed me a little tin of signature range stock powder , a product similar to this : She 'd come to ask if it was okay to use it in the gravy she was making for tea . I read the ingredients with my gluten - free scanner eyes . Onion flavour , it read , which contained wheat . I decided it would be okay - not too bad , and perhaps a little bit of the gluten wouldn 't affect me . Dinner was amazing - pork chops ( wonders will never cease ) , home - grown potatoes , apple sauce . - Thanks , Mum . And some particularly delicious gravy . Later on this evening I was studying for my Political Science test on Friday - and felt the glutened feeling - the tight stomach and aching gut . After a while I realized I was feeling a bit off colour , and attributed it to that infinitesimal amount of wheat . I was duly impressed that that tiny amount of gluten could do nasty things to me . . It certainly shows the power wheat possesses . Later on this evening , after I 'd given up studying ( too many other things on my mind ) , I walked out to our living room and spied on the table one , solitary ferrero rocher chocolate , alone in its packet of three . Its golden packaging glistened , and I looked at it with a small measure of contentment . As there was only one left , mum and dad must have eaten theirs and left me with that one . And then it hit me . The wafer . Hidden underneath that melting milk chocolate - and - almond coating , is a dangerously thin layer of gluten - filled wafer . Tarnation ! I realized with a feeling of horror that Ferrero Rochers * must * be dead to me forever . Here 's a clinical dissection of a Ferrero Rocher : Later on this evening . Mum came into the living room where I was faithfully writing out the first part of this post . Then she did a lovely , lovely thing . She asked me if I wanted the Ferrero Rocher , and I then had to explain my predicament . Without much ado she took a knife and painstakingposted by Lydie at 11 : 22 pm 5 Comments I came across this funny + bizarre picture when searching for bubble images . It was the kind of thing that needed to be shared , regardless of the purpose of this post . I was waiting for the bus today , after a stressful day at uni , getting a history essay finished off . The bus stop , just across the road from the university buildings was the perfect place to think thoughtful thoughts . I was tired . I 'd stayed up into the wee sma 's , working on the essay , and had just dropped it into the ' history ' box in the history department . It 's always a relief to get rid of essays , but the actual drop - off is quite anti - climatical . After so much agonized thought and late nights and * dratted * references and editings and re - editings etc . there should really be a drum roll when you drop it off . Nothing happened when my essay fell into the basket . I had to just leave it there and walk out of the building . I digress . The air was chilly , the trees on the Uni side of the road were networks of spartan branches , their leaves half buried in the mud beneath them . The cars approached , came nearer , whizzed by me and rushed away . The sound was remarkably similar to waves on a beach - I closed my eyes and half - imagined I was at the seaside . It almost worked , until in the corner of my eye I saw a cyclist laboriously cycling along , with a noise that I quickly imagined sounded a little like a whale . That really stretched my imagination . There were people around - something not unusual for a bus stop - with their hands in their pockets . Just standing or sitting , waiting for the buses . Their faces were expressionless , a mask for their insular thoughts . Nobody talked , even though we all shared a connection with each other - being uni students and waiting for a bus . Usually I take it for granted that people don 't speak to each other if they don 't know each other . It can be a strange concept when you think about it though . Why is it that we feel that speaking naturally to someone we don 't know is an incredibly intrusive thing to do ? We always have to have a posted by Lydie at 10 : 56 pm 9 Comments
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This morning I opened the shutters upstairs and saw my neighbor and his friend . Here 's what happened . . . Me : " Good morning ! " Him : " Good morning ! How are you ? How 's the family ? " Me : " Great , everyone is fine , thanks . " Him : " Your rose bushes need pruning ! " Fantastic hey ? With that I let out a big sigh and closed the sliding door . For months I 've been hanging on to overripe bananas hoping that I 'd make banana bread , only to toss them into the trash just before the onset of a swarm of fruit flies . Sunday was the day that I finally decided use a pair of bananas that I 'd been hanging on to for the last week and make banana bread . I 've been looking at several recipes online and in my own cook books and I decided to use one from Joy of BAKING . com . Izabella helped me mix the ingredients and we popped it into the oven . The recipe calls for pecans and also sliced bananas for the top . I didn 't have any nuts on hand and I also decided not to put sliced bananas on the top of the mixture either because I thought that the kids would see baked bananas on top of the bread and not want anything to do with it . The house smelled wonderful as the bread was baking . The aroma of the bananas and cinnamon slowly enveloped the entire house , what a pleasant smell . Both Kosta and Foti couldn 't wait for it to come out of the oven . When I did take it out of the oven , they were the first to get a slice . Izabella didn 't want any which was surprising because she used to love banana bread . Anyway , the bread was a hit , we loved it and I 'll definitely make it again , but it really does need to have nuts in it . Quotes from my men - Kosta : " On a scale from 1 to 100 . . . it 's 110 ! Make it every Sunday ! " ( we 'll have to see . . . ) Foti : " Mama , you make the best banana bread . Can I have more ? " ( of course my little bug . . . ) Here 's a link for the recipe that I used . Posted by Early Saturday morning we had coffee with Thia Nitza ( Kosta 's aunt that lives on the corner , up the dirt road from us . . . it 's because of them we found our home ) . She served us coffee with a homemade yellow cake and the chocolate chip cookies that I made for her . We had a nice conversation and the kids played outside . We finished our coffee and set off for Mediterranean Cosmos , a mall that 's not too far from us . It was insanely busy . It usually is on the weekends . Luckily , we found a parking spot relatively quick for the situation at hand . There were cars parked on the sidewalks , on the grass and down the narrow roads surrounding the mall . We walked the mall for a bit and then decided to get something to eat . As you might have guessed , the food court was packed . It was like a giant smoke chamber too , as people are allowed to smoke anywhere here . Ok , it 's technically prohibited in some places in the country , but it doesn 't matter , people are still lighting up wherever they want since almost nothing is ever enforced here . Hence , parking on grass and sidewalks . ( there really is not enough space ) So I said to Kosta , " It 's too smokey to stay inside let 's find a table outside " . And just as I said that a younger woman said to her friends , out loud , in Greek " Ti lea , Ti lea ? " ( " what did she say ? " ) It 's irritating because I understand Greek but yet because I am obviously a xeni ( foreigner ) , so typically it 's assumed that I just don 't understand or speak the language . I turned to the woman and replied , in Greek , " Exi poli kapno atho . . . " ( " There 's too much smoke in here " ) . . . . with a smile of course . She got quiet really quick . I love doing that to people here . It 's like you 're saying " Boo ! " or something . " Gotcha ! " Hee , hee . There 's a nice carousel and also a train at the center of the mall so we let the kids have a ride . They were so happy . Iza kept saying that we were the best parents ever . That was really sweet . Foti waved each time that his train car went passed me and Alexandra just laughed in the stroller as she watched . TPosted by * * Alexandra loves to put Gigi down for naps * * * * Gigi loves to tease me . She runs away when it 's time for her to come in . This pic is of her after she spent hours sticking her face in the mud . . . 3 days after her bath . * * * * We finally found the box that contains the majority of our winter accessories . I know , it 's only the end of January . * * * * Wednesday , we woke up to find our resident lizard on the wall near the ceiling . He 's been hanging out inside for about a week . Can 't catch him ! Four months ago I freaked when I saw these guys in the house . Now , I just try to shoo it out the door when it 's possible . * * Posted by Friday morning I went to the city to have coffee with a friend . She 's American also and it was refreshing to have a conversation with someone that actually gets me . ( Thanks for the coffee A ! ) Kosta dropped me & Alexandra off because he had some errands to run . He was late picking us up so I walked around the block with Alexandra about 4 times , back and forth and then I finally went back into Starbucks with Alexandra to warm up . It wasn 't very cold - just damp . While I was walking I saw a man pick up a piece of candy from the sidewalk . He looked at it and then stuck it in his mouth . That was just nasty . I know that it wasn 't his because I passed the piece of candy a few times while walking . Eeeew ! The one thing that I miss about living in the city is that there is always someone doing something peculiar . One of the funniest things that I saw last year occurred about 1 block from where I lived . There 's an odd " heavy set " man that lives in a house on a corner , across from 6 + apartment buildings . One day I was walking by on my way to meet my friend Julie for breakfast and I couldn 't believe my eyes . There was the guy sitting on his front walk in nothing but a Speedo , surrounded by cardboard covered in aluminum foil in the middle of winter . He smiled and said " hi " - so I just nodded with a grin , acknowledging his greeting . I was cracking up inside . I think that he was trying to be the next Dick Bacon . ( You 're so NOT Bacon dude ! ) It must have been about 35 F that day . When we were finished with breakfast I made sure that Julie drove past to see if he was still out there . He was and we laughed so hard ! He still does it , I think . My husband and I dubbed this man 's house as " middle earth " because of the things that go on there . < Dick BaconAnyway , back to what I was saying . . . When Kosta finally arrived we decided that we would pick the kids up from school since we were in town and school was just about to end . They were so happy that we surprised them since the bus ride home takes about an hour . On our way home we stopped atPosted by Alexandra capping my photo session . . . Wow , it 's been over a week since I 've posted anything . I 've had the hardest time doing anything online lately . It seems that our connection is sporadic . I 'm glad that we have a connection but jeez , it doesn 't have to be so unreliable . For example , I edited the previous post about 5 times because the spacing is off . It looked great as a draft and then each time that I published it , it came out looking the same - not edited . ARRRRGGHHH ! I 've also been trying to use our ancient laptop in the living room and have had no luck with that . That poor dinosaur just shuts down on me half of the time and it 's so frustrating . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I 've got so much to tell and so little time to do it . I have a moment now because Kosta went to Kozani to run some errands today and he took Alexandra with him . For those of you that know me well hold the applause , it 's still tough for me to let my babies out to my sight . I 'm letting them go little by little and it kills me . It 's not that I don 't trust my husband with the baby , it 's just simply the fact that I feel that I need to have my baby with me . I still have a hard time putting Iza and Foti on the school bus everyday . Foti resists getting on 3 days out of 5 and watching him being driven away with his lip trembling just breaks my heart . On the flip side , I know that once I 'm out of sight he 's ok and he does actually enjoy school now so that 's how I get through the few minutes of agony as we practically force him into his seat . So , I 'll get over my children spending time away from me , it 's just going to take time . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - We are all in great health now and moving forward with our new life in Greece . It 's been a week since we 've given anyone any kind medicine . I have all of the medicine bottles lined up on the window sill above the kitchen sink and I call it my little pharmacy . Since we 're all better the pharmacy is closed and I have to find new homes for the medicine bottles . - - Posted by Happy New Year ! Kali Hronia ! I hope that 2008 is a great year . I really haven 't had time to reflect on 2007 yet as I 've been sick , again . Sunday evening , Dec . 30 , we were in the car driving home from a great dinner with friends and my throat started to hurt . I was almost afraid to tell Kosta that my throat hurt because we were just really sick right before & after Christmas . I think that I had about 2 good days last week . As soon as we got home I put the kids to bed so that I could get some rest myself . That 's when my fever started . Monday morning , New Year 's Eve , I woke up to let the dog out and also to alert Kosta that I was going back to bed and wouldn 't be getting out for a while . My fever persisted and my throat was nearly swollen shut . I couldn 't swallow my tea ! I didn 't get out of bed all day . It 's a good thing that we didn 't have any plans . I woke up late at night because we had to prepare for Santa 's arrival . I was awake long enough to wish Kosta a happy New Year and suggest that he take the kids to MIL 's for New Year 's dinner on his own . The next morning the kids woke me up so that they could see what Santa left for them , I wanted to die . I was so sick . But , I peeled myself out of bed and pretended to be well . I made breakfast and sat on the couch . I never sit on the couch , the couch is foreign to my behind . I turned to Kosta and pleaded for permission to stay home by myself , I didn 't care if it was the New Year . . . i was sick . At first he agreed that it was probably the best thing for me to do and then came the guilt trip . He was pointing out how much everyone would miss me and that his mom was already making special soup for me . I told him that I thought all of that was just dandy but I wasn 't looking forward to getting dressed or sitting in the car for an hour & a half . I went . I have to say that MIL was extraordinarily sweet . She had hot tea ready for me and a pair of slippers for me to keep my feet warm . She made youverlaki ( lemon / meatball soup ) for me . After dinner I went straight into the bedroom and toPosted by Welcome ! I 've been married to my Greek husband for 23 years and we have 3 children ages 10 & under . 6 years ago , we moved to Greece and I started this blog so that my family & friends at home could keep up with what we 're doing . Remarkably , this blog has taken a life of its own and I 've come to know some pretty amazing people so it 's more than just a blog about my family , it 's about sharing my experience with anyone that 's interested in my frequent musings & photographs . Enjoy ! : ) Last Sunday we spent a few hours at the zoo in Thessaloniki . It 's located on " Kedrinos Lofos " at the top of the city . The . . .
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This morning I opened the shutters upstairs and saw my neighbor and his friend . Here 's what happened . . . Me : " Good morning ! " Him : " Good morning ! How are you ? How 's the family ? " Me : " Great , everyone is fine , thanks . " Him : " Your rose bushes need pruning ! " Fantastic hey ? With that I let out a big sigh and closed the sliding door . For months I 've been hanging on to overripe bananas hoping that I 'd make banana bread , only to toss them into the trash just before the onset of a swarm of fruit flies . Sunday was the day that I finally decided use a pair of bananas that I 'd been hanging on to for the last week and make banana bread . I 've been looking at several recipes online and in my own cook books and I decided to use one from Joy of BAKING . com . Izabella helped me mix the ingredients and we popped it into the oven . The recipe calls for pecans and also sliced bananas for the top . I didn 't have any nuts on hand and I also decided not to put sliced bananas on the top of the mixture either because I thought that the kids would see baked bananas on top of the bread and not want anything to do with it . The house smelled wonderful as the bread was baking . The aroma of the bananas and cinnamon slowly enveloped the entire house , what a pleasant smell . Both Kosta and Foti couldn 't wait for it to come out of the oven . When I did take it out of the oven , they were the first to get a slice . Izabella didn 't want any which was surprising because she used to love banana bread . Anyway , the bread was a hit , we loved it and I 'll definitely make it again , but it really does need to have nuts in it . Quotes from my men - Kosta : " On a scale from 1 to 100 . . . it 's 110 ! Make it every Sunday ! " ( we 'll have to see . . . ) Foti : " Mama , you make the best banana bread . Can I have more ? " ( of course my little bug . . . ) Here 's a link for the recipe that I used . Posted by Early Saturday morning we had coffee with Thia Nitza ( Kosta 's aunt that lives on the corner , up the dirt road from us . . . it 's because of them we found our home ) . She served us coffee with a homemade yellow cake and the chocolate chip cookies that I made for her . We had a nice conversation and the kids played outside . We finished our coffee and set off for Mediterranean Cosmos , a mall that 's not too far from us . It was insanely busy . It usually is on the weekends . Luckily , we found a parking spot relatively quick for the situation at hand . There were cars parked on the sidewalks , on the grass and down the narrow roads surrounding the mall . We walked the mall for a bit and then decided to get something to eat . As you might have guessed , the food court was packed . It was like a giant smoke chamber too , as people are allowed to smoke anywhere here . Ok , it 's technically prohibited in some places in the country , but it doesn 't matter , people are still lighting up wherever they want since almost nothing is ever enforced here . Hence , parking on grass and sidewalks . ( there really is not enough space ) So I said to Kosta , " It 's too smokey to stay inside let 's find a table outside " . And just as I said that a younger woman said to her friends , out loud , in Greek " Ti lea , Ti lea ? " ( " what did she say ? " ) It 's irritating because I understand Greek but yet because I am obviously a xeni ( foreigner ) , so typically it 's assumed that I just don 't understand or speak the language . I turned to the woman and replied , in Greek , " Exi poli kapno atho . . . " ( " There 's too much smoke in here " ) . . . . with a smile of course . She got quiet really quick . I love doing that to people here . It 's like you 're saying " Boo ! " or something . " Gotcha ! " Hee , hee . There 's a nice carousel and also a train at the center of the mall so we let the kids have a ride . They were so happy . Iza kept saying that we were the best parents ever . That was really sweet . Foti waved each time that his train car went passed me and Alexandra just laughed in the stroller as she watched . TPosted by * * Alexandra loves to put Gigi down for naps * * * * Gigi loves to tease me . She runs away when it 's time for her to come in . This pic is of her after she spent hours sticking her face in the mud . . . 3 days after her bath . * * * * We finally found the box that contains the majority of our winter accessories . I know , it 's only the end of January . * * * * Wednesday , we woke up to find our resident lizard on the wall near the ceiling . He 's been hanging out inside for about a week . Can 't catch him ! Four months ago I freaked when I saw these guys in the house . Now , I just try to shoo it out the door when it 's possible . * * Posted by Friday morning I went to the city to have coffee with a friend . She 's American also and it was refreshing to have a conversation with someone that actually gets me . ( Thanks for the coffee A ! ) Kosta dropped me & Alexandra off because he had some errands to run . He was late picking us up so I walked around the block with Alexandra about 4 times , back and forth and then I finally went back into Starbucks with Alexandra to warm up . It wasn 't very cold - just damp . While I was walking I saw a man pick up a piece of candy from the sidewalk . He looked at it and then stuck it in his mouth . That was just nasty . I know that it wasn 't his because I passed the piece of candy a few times while walking . Eeeew ! The one thing that I miss about living in the city is that there is always someone doing something peculiar . One of the funniest things that I saw last year occurred about 1 block from where I lived . There 's an odd " heavy set " man that lives in a house on a corner , across from 6 + apartment buildings . One day I was walking by on my way to meet my friend Julie for breakfast and I couldn 't believe my eyes . There was the guy sitting on his front walk in nothing but a Speedo , surrounded by cardboard covered in aluminum foil in the middle of winter . He smiled and said " hi " - so I just nodded with a grin , acknowledging his greeting . I was cracking up inside . I think that he was trying to be the next Dick Bacon . ( You 're so NOT Bacon dude ! ) It must have been about 35 F that day . When we were finished with breakfast I made sure that Julie drove past to see if he was still out there . He was and we laughed so hard ! He still does it , I think . My husband and I dubbed this man 's house as " middle earth " because of the things that go on there . < Dick BaconAnyway , back to what I was saying . . . When Kosta finally arrived we decided that we would pick the kids up from school since we were in town and school was just about to end . They were so happy that we surprised them since the bus ride home takes about an hour . On our way home we stopped atPosted by Alexandra capping my photo session . . . Wow , it 's been over a week since I 've posted anything . I 've had the hardest time doing anything online lately . It seems that our connection is sporadic . I 'm glad that we have a connection but jeez , it doesn 't have to be so unreliable . For example , I edited the previous post about 5 times because the spacing is off . It looked great as a draft and then each time that I published it , it came out looking the same - not edited . ARRRRGGHHH ! I 've also been trying to use our ancient laptop in the living room and have had no luck with that . That poor dinosaur just shuts down on me half of the time and it 's so frustrating . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I 've got so much to tell and so little time to do it . I have a moment now because Kosta went to Kozani to run some errands today and he took Alexandra with him . For those of you that know me well hold the applause , it 's still tough for me to let my babies out to my sight . I 'm letting them go little by little and it kills me . It 's not that I don 't trust my husband with the baby , it 's just simply the fact that I feel that I need to have my baby with me . I still have a hard time putting Iza and Foti on the school bus everyday . Foti resists getting on 3 days out of 5 and watching him being driven away with his lip trembling just breaks my heart . On the flip side , I know that once I 'm out of sight he 's ok and he does actually enjoy school now so that 's how I get through the few minutes of agony as we practically force him into his seat . So , I 'll get over my children spending time away from me , it 's just going to take time . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - We are all in great health now and moving forward with our new life in Greece . It 's been a week since we 've given anyone any kind medicine . I have all of the medicine bottles lined up on the window sill above the kitchen sink and I call it my little pharmacy . Since we 're all better the pharmacy is closed and I have to find new homes for the medicine bottles . - - Posted by Happy New Year ! Kali Hronia ! I hope that 2008 is a great year . I really haven 't had time to reflect on 2007 yet as I 've been sick , again . Sunday evening , Dec . 30 , we were in the car driving home from a great dinner with friends and my throat started to hurt . I was almost afraid to tell Kosta that my throat hurt because we were just really sick right before & after Christmas . I think that I had about 2 good days last week . As soon as we got home I put the kids to bed so that I could get some rest myself . That 's when my fever started . Monday morning , New Year 's Eve , I woke up to let the dog out and also to alert Kosta that I was going back to bed and wouldn 't be getting out for a while . My fever persisted and my throat was nearly swollen shut . I couldn 't swallow my tea ! I didn 't get out of bed all day . It 's a good thing that we didn 't have any plans . I woke up late at night because we had to prepare for Santa 's arrival . I was awake long enough to wish Kosta a happy New Year and suggest that he take the kids to MIL 's for New Year 's dinner on his own . The next morning the kids woke me up so that they could see what Santa left for them , I wanted to die . I was so sick . But , I peeled myself out of bed and pretended to be well . I made breakfast and sat on the couch . I never sit on the couch , the couch is foreign to my behind . I turned to Kosta and pleaded for permission to stay home by myself , I didn 't care if it was the New Year . . . i was sick . At first he agreed that it was probably the best thing for me to do and then came the guilt trip . He was pointing out how much everyone would miss me and that his mom was already making special soup for me . I told him that I thought all of that was just dandy but I wasn 't looking forward to getting dressed or sitting in the car for an hour & a half . I went . I have to say that MIL was extraordinarily sweet . She had hot tea ready for me and a pair of slippers for me to keep my feet warm . She made youverlaki ( lemon / meatball soup ) for me . After dinner I went straight into the bedroom and toPosted by Welcome ! I 've been married to my Greek husband for 23 years and we have 3 children ages 10 & under . 6 years ago , we moved to Greece and I started this blog so that my family & friends at home could keep up with what we 're doing . Remarkably , this blog has taken a life of its own and I 've come to know some pretty amazing people so it 's more than just a blog about my family , it 's about sharing my experience with anyone that 's interested in my frequent musings & photographs . Enjoy ! : ) Last Sunday we spent a few hours at the zoo in Thessaloniki . It 's located on " Kedrinos Lofos " at the top of the city . The . . .
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I 've decided something . Next year for Christmas , ( or maybe in February for Brian 's and my anniversary ! ) , I am going to ask for a nice camera that can take good decorating pictures . My phone just isn 't cutting it anymore , and I feel totally left out of the decorate - your - house - and - then - take - awesome - pictures - with - your - nice - camera world . But anyway , my halls are decked . What do you think of my outdoor banner ? I made it with corrugated plastic and foam that I glittered ( although you can 't tell from the pictures , of course . . . grrrrrrrr ) . I was pretty proud of myself because I 've never seen a banner outside before . : ) Last night Janey got into my our bed to read because Danin 's music was distracting her . After she fell asleep and I moved her back into her own bed , I noticed I had accidentally left a few small Christmas gifs on my bedroom floor that she had likely seen . So tonight I pulled her aside and asked her if she had seen the gifts . I asked her to be honest with me . She said she had not seen them . But when I went into my bedroom later , I found the following note from her on my floor : Mom when I was reading in your bed I did see some presents but I forgot what it was , I promise . I said I hadn 't seen any because I thought you would get mad at me please forgive me love , Jane . I got your note . I am so proud of you for telling me the truth ! That is a very hard thing to do ! I am not angry at all . I just feel so proud and grateful to have such a wonderful daughter . I love you . Love , Mom . I will put the note in her lunch box for tomorrow . Probably with a treat . Because I really couldn 't be more proud . Love that girl . I 'm getting older . I 've already ranted and raved about how many wrinkles I have , right ? No joke - - I really do have more wrinkles than any other girl ( my age ) I know . And this can seriously cause me a lot of stress if I think about it too much . However , not long ago , I realized something . Even if I were to look younger , I would obviously still be the same age . So WHAT if people think I am older than I am when they first meet me ? I 've realized that as soon as you know someone , you really loose objectivity about how old or attractive she looks . You then know how old she is and knowing her makes her beautiful . Right ? So what real advantage does a younger - looking person really have ? None that I can see . Unless the person is a single middle - aged women ( or older ) who looks younger and who is on the hunt for a husband . Maybe looking young would help her . But who knows ? Anyway , I can 't worry about it . My granny has a lot of wrinkles and she is awesome . But it 's not just my wrinkles that provide evidence of the swift passage of my lifetime . There are other signs . I go to the grocery store and forget that I am wearing my slippers . My head starts to pound if I cheer too loud at a sporting event or I try to do a cart wheel . I have to put garlic and onions in everything . I have long scraggly hairs on my big toes . I go to bed earlier and wake up earlier . I like nuts . . . and berries . . . in my cookies . I thought I 'd never see the day . Sigh . There are some wonderful things that come with the years passing , though . My getting older means that my children are also getting older . I am physically free . For the most part , I do not have to carry , or nurse , or change , or feed , or chase , or wash my children . They do it themselves , and I LOVE it . They run and play on their own and I sit and enjoy myself . It 's wonderful . And actually , I didn 't mind my children 's physical dependency . I loved nursing and cuddling and cooing and rocking , and stuff . But I gotta say - - nowadays , when I am at a gathering where someone has a baby they are caring for , and my kids are off playing by themselves - - I think , This is niiiiiicce . I feel like I want to freeze my kids how they are right . now . Camp and Jane and Danin are young enough to make me laugh and entertain me , and old enough to be helpful . And Skip is still just darling . I 'm coming to the realization that he is growing up , too , but for now - - he 's still little , and I 'm terrified of not having a little kid anymore . It 's been ok - - even good - - for my kids to be growing up as long as I 've got one that 's still little , but what about when Skip 's not little either ? I 'll mourn . I fear forgetting my kids when they were little . I feel SO grateful to be able to watch home videos that remind me of everything that was so wonderful and individual about each of my babies . I 've decided that when I get to Heaven , I will ask Heavenly Father to give me the chance to visit the child version of each of my children again . Does that make sense ? I want the little child version of each of my children to be available whenever I want to experience them again at that age . And I think Heavenly Father can do that . Because he can do anything that will bring us joy . Who knows . Maybe by then , being with my grandkids will fill that need for me . . . . I 've wanted to document what my life is like right now with Skip being the only kid at home with me . Every morning ( ok . Lots of mornings ) , Skip goes with me to the gym . He plays in the play room - - the lone ranger in a room full of princess - dress adorned little girls - - while I exercise . Sometimes , he bites a little girl - - one of his best friends - - who is playing with the toy he wants , and he leaves a bite mark on her arm , and she starts wailing ( I can 't blame her ) , and is taken to her mom who comes and shows me what Skip has done . But mostly , he plays nice and enjoys himself . And when we get home , we take a shower . I have often times wet my pants while on the treadmill and have had to sit on my sweatshirt all the way home so as to not get urine on my seat . I am soaking wet with sweat at the very least . So I start the shower and Skip asks if it is cold . He means hot . He gets opposites mixed up . ( I 'll tell him he needs to do something , and he 'll ask me why not instead of why . ) I tell him it is hot and we step in . He asks , " It 's ok I go potty in the shower , Mom ? " And I say , " Yes , Bip . " I tell him to aim low and to not get potty germs on the soap . He plays with his cars on the floor of the shower and asks me not to drip Shampoo on his head . After about 15 minutes , I get out and Skip tells me he 'll stay in for a little bit longer , and then he 'll get out . " OK , Mom ? " He loves to see me my hair look all crazy after I have bent over and towel dried it and then shaken it out . We go into his room and I hold open his underwear , and then his pants , for him to step into . He puts his arms around my neck for balance and he smashes his lips against mine , so that his eyes blur into one , and I say - - out of the corner of my mouth - - " Wow . That 's a big kiss . " I 've realized how much I talk out loud to myself because he responds to me every time I do . I get frustrated and groan , or say crap ! , or dang it ! , or whatever , and he 'll say , " What , Mom ? " And I 'll have to give him an explanation . It will make me laugh , and he 'll say , " What , Mom ? " again . I hope I don 't forget . Danin 's 7th birthday was yesterday . Man , that girl . I agreed to let her have a party this year since she didn 't have one last year and we sat down to write out a list of invitees . I drew the line at 13 . 13 ! The girl 's got more friends than any other little girl I have ever seen . And all thirteen of those kids are children Danin plays with on a regular basis . And I swear half of them would tell you Danin is their best friend . I can 't blame them . They know a fun girl when they meet her . She is playing soccer . She moaned and groaned and told me she did NOT want to play soccer again . Whenever Danin gets in a mood and starts complaining about something , she goes into a monologue of everything in her life that she doesn 't like . And she always mentions how I call her nicknames in front of other people and it embarrasses her . I can 't convince her that my giving her nicknames is a show of my love . Anyway . . . . Ultimately , Erin was able to talk her into playing soccer and being on Camden 's team . So in last week 's game , while my parents were visiting , I did my best to cheer for Danin , instead of for Shugee , and it was hard . Afterward , she told me she guessed it would be OK if I yelled , Go , Shugee This week , I saw her score her first goal ever . I also saw her glance over at me as I was yelling , " Way to go , Shugee ! Giiiirrrlll ! " She did her best to suppress her smile . She was thrilled at her goal , and hopefully at my cheering for her , too . And it turns out that Jane is quite the athlete . For whatever reason , I had though it would be Danin that would be big into sports - - but it 's turned out to be Jane . She has been one of the best players on her team for the last several seasons , and it has been so fun to see her turn into a legitimate soccer player . You know what I mean ? When we play with adults and kids , we don 't have to go easy on her . She more than holds her own . She is one of the two - member " homework police " in her class at school . She finishes her homework everyday on the way home from school and then hands it to me to sign and put a star on . It doesn 't challenge her yet . She still has a lisp and is unable to say her own name - - or any other word with the j , sh , or ch sounds - - correctly . She produces these sounds entirely through her nose , so when she plugs her nose , she cannot pronounce them at all . I am a little concerned about this . Her speech teacher told me she ( the speech teacher ) has done everything she knows how , to help Jane , and that she may need to see another kind of specialist . I need to look into that some more . For Danin 's birthday party , Jane and her best friend were in charge of overseeing the games . There could be nothing more down Jane 's alley than overseeing something . She loves it . Win , win . Camp . My boy has grown up so . much . And I feel so proud and delighted by who he is becoming . He gets in trouble at school from time to time for being distracted or distracting others , but that same quality in him is one of the things that makes him so neat . He always has interesting things going on in his head . His wheels are absolutely always turning . He is mature , and so helpful . He 'll do anything I ask of him . And he always makes an effort to compliment what I 've made for dinner . Maybe someday he 'll even eat it ! : ) I mentioned last time how much he is loving football . LOVING it . And guess what ? He plays . In the games , he plays . And his contribution is significant . And I cheer , and I am so proud . Recently , Brian texted Camp 's coach to tell him how much Camp was enjoying football , and this was his coach 's response : . . . Camp was killing it on defense today ! He was everywhere at linebacker , covering both sides of the field from right outside linebacker . He is becoming an animal ! I especially appreciated his desire at the end of practice on our angle drills . I called practice and he asked if he could run one more . . . I value desire and commitment so I let him . He wanted to have a chance at Elijah . . . He took the right angle and made a beautiful tackle on him . I appreciate Camp . He works hard every play . . . I 've told you - - in my last Christmas letter , at least - - that I struggle with my words . Sometimes I say too many of them and I overwhelm people . Sometimes I say really mean ones , or the wrong ones , to Brian and the kids , and I hurt them . But no one will ever be able to say that I didn 't use my words to show love , either . I use words to show my love often . I 've realized that for me , my words are my greatest strength and my greatest vice . I have been worried about being able to say the right words when I talk to Camp and Jane ( and eventually Danin and Skip ) about things that are really important - - like sex , and pornography , and love , and temptation , and being like Jesus . I so desperately want to say the right words - - the words that will explain and empower and encourage and give hope and show love . And then this morning , while I was cleaning the dental office and listening to This American Life , I had an idea . It 's been a long time since I 've made a deal with God . But I have another deal to make . I will promise to put forth an extra effort to keep from saying hurtful words to my kids when I am angry , if he will promise to bless me with the right words to say during those conversations with my kids that will really matter . I realize it doesn 't sound super kosher to make deals with God , but I 'll tell you what : it 's been my experience that whenever I have committed to God to put forth a little extra effort in some area of my life , he has always been consistent in throwing in a few extra needed blessings in return . He really will always take any opportunity I give Him . . . to bless me . : ) So I 'll make the deal . Tonight . Yesterday , I happened to glance down at Skip while he had his finger in his nose . He said to me , " Burger . . . ( booger ) . " I laughed and commented , " That 's nasty . " Then he said to me , " Mom , dare ( they 're ) not nasty . You should try one . " No shame , I tell ya . The boy 's got no shame . Just out of curiosity - - how long is too long to spend brushing your teeth ? The other night as I was flossing , I commented to Brian how glad I was that after so many years of flossing after I brushed my teeth , he had suggested I do it before brushing . Totally changed my life . He then said , " Yeah , and I think you brush too hard and for too long as well . " I 'll spare you the ridiculous boring details , but suffice it to say , I totally got my feelings hurt . I feel like for years now ( after having learned that hard brushing was the cause of my receding gums ) , I 've made a concerted effort to softly brush my teeth . Aaaannnddd - - - brushing too long ? Is that even possible ? I don 't know . I just thought I was being thorough , and all along Brian has just been thinking critically of my brushing habits . I think I 'm just particularly sensitive to all things mouth related because of the breath issues I 've told you about . Come to think about it , I 've had mouth and teeth issues my whole life . In like first or second grade , I specifically remember recognizing that Jamie Mueller had the big humps in her upper lip that make a woman beautiful and I had hardly more than a straight line for my top lip - - - almost no lips at all , for that matter . And that 's saying nothing of the cold sores and cracks that have plagued my lips my whole life . Add to that the fact that I have had gapped teeth , then missing teeth , then false teeth , then receding gums and bad breath . . . . Seriously ? Could it get any worse ? Answer : Yes . Next week I 'm getting at least one root canal . ( But guess what ? When I called my dentist to schedule a root canal , he recommended I go on antibiotics . He said doing so would help with my pain , but also that it would kill the infection . Until then , it had never occurred to me that need for a root canal denotes an infection . So then it occurred to me that maybe having an infection in my mouth for some time has had something to do with my bad breath ? ! Could that be ? ! I 'm going to ask Brian tonight if he 's noticed a change in my breath since I finished the antibiotics . Crossing my fingers ( and popping in some gum ) . . . . . . Skip said the dinner prayer tonight . I reminded him to thank Heavenly Father for the food . He also included , " Thank you for Santa Claus . I want a shoot gun like Afton 's . . . . " Afterwards , Camp commented that Skip may be confusing Santa Claus and God . Yikes . Tomorrow night Brian and I are taking Jane out on a date to share the big secret of life with her . I hope she takes it better than I did at her age . I don 't want her thinking I am worse than the devil . I also don 't want her catching on to the reason behind our bedroom door so often being locked . Hopefully she doesn 't yet put two and two together . She is really good at math , though . . . . . Tomorrow , Camp - - that same little boy who so ( seemingly ) recently was insisting on my playing the audience for his " cage trick " - - will have his first tackle football game . He has loved practices so much and is so pumped about his games . He told me that he wants everyone he knows to be at his first game . I asked him what would happen if he played terribly ? He said maybe he would rather that everyone he knows be at his second game . : ) But at a parent meeting yesterday , the coach reminded the parents that not every kid would get equal playing time ( or playing time at all , for that matter . ) I expressed to Brian how much I hope that Camp will get to play . He wants and expects to play . Brian just said , " Well , if he doesn 't , there will be no one better to sympathize with him than me . " Man , I love Brian and admire the person he has become . Still , I hope Camp plays . And I hope he hears my proud cheering from the stands . Posted by I admire my Shugee so much . On the first day of school , the two of us stood outside her new classroom and I asked to take one more picture of her . She rolled her eyes , but consented . Then I gave her a last excited hug and a kiss . She groaned a bit , and not because she was embarrassed , but because I was wasting her time . I let go of her and she marched down the hall with her perky backside twitching back and forth . She didn 't look back . This morning in the car on the way to school , I kept glancing back at her in my rear - view mirror as she was talking to Hunter . She was telling him - - all annoyed - - that last year , every boy in her class had a crush on her . . . . Did I tell you this summer has been the best summer ever ? It has . And sometime I am going to write all about it . But for now , I 'm just going to share my favorite part of it . My family . My laundry room has evolved a lot . I take that back . What has evolved a lot is my ability to manage laundry . And when you have a bunch of kids , that 's what it is , right ? Managing laundry . But I haven 't always been able to manage the laundry . I had work my way up the ranks . Laundry used to manage me . My laundry room used to hide under piles of it until the day would come when I would haul it all out to the family room to finally fold it all . And then I would place a bunch of neat little stacks into my kids ' drawers , and those stacks would look great just long enough for my kids to open the drawers to find something to wear . And then no more neat little stacks . I was bemoaning this one day when Erin presented an idea to me : stop folding the laundry . Why not just sort it and cram it into the drawers , since that 's how it ends up five minutes after folding it anyway ? Such a good idea , right ? So I started doing just that . And then another day , Erin suggested that I get some baskets for my laundry room so I could just sort the laundry right as it 's coming out of the dryer . So I did , and that has REALLY worked well . And when the baskets get too full , the kids take them to their rooms and sort their clothes into their drawers . Later I added the wire baskets to manage everyone 's socks as well . But the socks always stay in the laundry room . I sort them and put them in their respective baskets when they come out of the dryer , too . The other day when a lady came to look at the house , I was excited to show her my laundry room and explain the way it now functions . She wasn 't impressed . She did only have one kid , though , so . . . . . Do you guys even care about this ? You don 't , do you . Well , thanks for humoring me . Oh , and one more thing , just in case you 're wondering - - Brian 's and my clothes go from the dryer into that white basket you see and then into our room to be folded and hung . I fold or hang all of Brian 's clothes , and even roll his underwear together in pairs . That 's something I do to show Brian love . I hang all of my nicer shirts and church clothes and fold my jeans , but all of my underwear , swim suits , work out clothes , etc . , just get shoved into the baskets hidden inside my armoire . And I 'm totally cool with that . I only care about outside appearances . : ) And I fold towels and rags right out of the dryer and then put them away . So my efficient , but ugly , laundry room remained undecorated for quite some time . It wasn 't until I finally got my tools ( which I also keep in the laundry room ) an appropriate home ( the Original Pink Box ) , that I finally decided that a little spiffing up was in order . So while this is definitely NOT one of those laundry room makeovers that you see on Pinterest or HGT - - in fact , it is mainly just a bunch of new accessories - - - I did it entirely myself , and don 't you just love my rooster ? ! ! Ribba frames from Ikea . My favorite . The jars are from the dollar bins at Target . I made the boxwood wreath from preserved boxwood I bought wholesale online . The pink wreath and the woven tureen ( is that that it 's called ? ) are from . . . Yep , Homegoods . All of my dirt rags go into this bucket and then I was them together . I got it on clearance at Fred Meyer . I buy very few things ( other than food and spray paint ) at Fred Meyer . I 'd rather shop at Homegoods . : ) So there it is . Before : And after : Thanks so much for reading , guys . P . S . A special thanks to Erin . . . . and Homegoods .
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Although the summer has been wet , the wettest in one hundred years apparently , it has still been warm . So imagine my surprise this morning when I woke up , threw the covers back and immediately broke out in goose pimples . The first thing I did was grab my dressing gown , the second shut the window and then it was downstairs to stare in disbelief at the temperature gauge . 8 . 5C at 0830 in the morning , surely a mistake , I haven 't seen figures that low since May . I 've had to dig out my slipper socks from the back of the drawer and find a cardigan to slip over my normal tee shirt . I hope this isn 't a hint of things to come , a long , cold winter is the last thing we need . I am currently on the hunt for kitties . Not for me but for Laurence who has requested a pair for his birthday . I decided to go for a rescue cats and so I rang up the Cats Protection League and quickly ran into more bureaucracy than I ever thought possible . I rang my local branch in Bedfordshire who point blank refused to deal with me because I was in a different county to my son . I was given the number of the Northampton branch and so I tried them . They refused to deal with me because my son lives in Rushden and I was given the number for the Wellingborough and Rushden branch . All the numbers are premium numbers by the way so I 'd spent about two pounds so far and not actually discussed the adoption yet so it was with some trepidation I picked up the phone and dialed again . This time I got hold of a fiercely efficient sounding woman who barked questions at me . The fact that Laurence had grown up with cats elicited a ' good ' from her , he works long shifts a ' hum ' . After about ten minutes of interrogation I was finally asked what I was looking for . Two males , preferably brothers , preferably under one year old , and preferably either black or grey in colour . We are in luck , there are several litters on their books at the moment and she is sure at least one litter has grey kittens . I then made the mistake of asking when we could see them . I couldn 't believe it , when I got our two , OK it was fourteen years ago , all I had to do was sign a contract saying that if things didn 't work out I 'd return them to the CPL . Now it seems the cat has to chose us , not the other way around . Fortunately Laurence is quite happy with this arrangement so I 've passed his number onto the CPL so they can do the negotiations , I 'll just end up footing the bill , again ! Much to my chagrin I have been banned from the actual ' choosen a kitten ' process . Laurence let me down as gently as he could . ' You know what you 're like Mum . You go for the smallest runt because you don 't think anyone else will pick them . Then you end up with a Pepper or a Tarmac . I don 't want mental cases so I 'll chose them , you can see them when I have already picked the tow I want . ' One last word on the subject , I was asked if the garden was enclosed with high fences , I said yes because it is . It was only when I put the phone down that I realised the stupidity of what I 'd been asked . These are cats , a fence is no object . How bazaar ! Well we 've already got our first two golds and spattering of silver and bronze to go with them . I can 't say I 'm as gripped as I was with the Olympics but when it does grip me I look on with awe . The outstanding athlete for me yesterday was the Chinese swimmer who won gold . This lady has no arms and swims like a dolphin . I wouldn 't even get in the water in her condition for fear of drowning . It just goes to show that if you are determined enough you can do anything no matter what obstacles are put in your way . I have finally received my appointment for Papworth . It is on the 24th September , the exact date we 'd penciled in for our get away . So once again plans have to be changed or cancelled , let 's hope this time it is worth it . I started on the shower curtain yesterday . Well I got the material our of the bag . This afternoon I plan to get the sewing machine out , you never know I might even use it . Yesterday afternoon we braved the weather and went out to do our shopping , I wasn 't feeling 100 % so I took my wheelchair with me but soon realised that maybe it would have been better to stay at home . Wheelchairs , rain and puddles just don 't mix . I got soaked . The bathroom is all but finished , I 've got to pull my finger out and make the new blind and the shower curtain . There is still the question over the flooring , we still haven 't found anything remotely suitable as yet but there isn 't any real hurry . OK the tiles don 't quite match the new colour scheme and after a through scrubbing and blast with the power washer they 've come up a shade lighter but , they are still in good condition so will do for now . We also need a new mirror but again we are still arguing about shape and size . It is now only three weeks until Andrew leaves for uni and I 'm beginning to have the wobbles . Not only that but there is so much stuff to sort out . Because of his course he needs specialist clothing and although he gets given a uniform he still needs special footwear , and of course there are items such as thermal underwear to get as he will be out and about in all weathers . He also needs to get his own pots and pans and a supply of tinned and dried goods that will suffice as a meal on those days he is too busy or gets in too late to cook . I have already paid out upwards of £ 700 since he got accepted ten days ago and there is more to come . We haven 't even started on the text books he is going to need . It will all be worth it in the end though . He is doing something very worth while and will spend his life saving others , what more can anyone ask for ? And there will be one paramedic in London who fully understands PH and all it 's complications . We are going to bite the bullet and take a short trip abroad after we 've deposited Andrew at his halls . I 'm still grounded so we will go via the channel tunnel but even this is not difficulty free . Eurostar are not too happy with the thought of taking an oxygen cylinder on board , concentrators are fine and they won 't charge but cylinders they don 't seem to like much . They haven 't said an outright no but the cylinders have to be of a certain type and size . Also they only allow two wheelchair users per train and you have to pay a special wheelchair rate which I haven 't looked into yet . The wheelchair spaces are located in premium or business class , you are allowed one companion who will pay a discounted rate , any one else will have to sit in a different part of the train of pay the full rate . It all sounds depressingly familiar , yes we cater for disabled people but we do everything to discourage them that we can . So now we are looking at taking our car so we can carry all the equipment I 'll need in the boot , still not sure if I 'll be allowed to take the oxygen but that is just one of the questions I will need to ask . I feel I need to be removed from everything for a while . I 've had a crap eight months one way or another and in order to save myself from myself and regain my positive outlook I need to take a step back . I can 't do it here as I 'm constantly waiting for that letter , that phone call , keeping on the look out for the next mini disaster or disappointment . By putting myself out of reach I will hopefully be able to relax and enjoy myself . I am sure the not sleeping , not eating and general ' down ' is all because of the enormous stress I 've been under . This trip is a necessity not a treat . What I did see , although not as frenetic as the Olympic version , was just as weird . There were many similarities of course , we still had a self important actor hamming up Shakespeare , only this one looked as though he 'd just stuck his finger in the light socket . We still had the boring speeches , though mercifully not doubled up by being translated into French and we still had the Queen looking , well , miserable to be quite frank . At least we didn 't have the toe curling parachute jump this time . The theme seems to be umbrellas , which was appropriate considering it had bucketed down for most of the day . And we had Stephen Hawking , possibly the most famous disabled person in the entire world . This afternoon I 'm resting and catching up on my soaps . I 'm pretty sure I 've got another chest infection brewing but it might just be that I need to rest . So settee here I come . A lion had been photographed in Essex resulting in the police deploying two helicopters , at enormous expense , several armed officers and half the keepers from a nearby zoo . I have seen the photo and how anyone mistook that for a lion is beyond me , unless of course they 'd had a little drinky or two . The picture shows a bright ginger animal with pointy ears , a flat - ish muzzle and a white bib , lions tend to be beige have rounded fluffy ears , a prominent muzzle and although their bibs are lighter , they are rarely white . I don 't know which ' expert ' this photo was shown to but maybe an eye test might be in order . As it turned out the ' lion ' was later identified as Teddy Bear a Maine Coon . I will allow that Teddy is on the large size even for a Maine but a lion ? I think the residents of St Osyth can rest easy in their beds , until one of them gets eaten of course . Having said all that alerts regarding wild animals are quite common in areas that have nearby zoos or wildlife parks but these alerts are almost always false . Animals do get out though , I know because I 've seen them myself . I 'll never forget my close encounter with a wallaby when walking across the local downs . It is well known locally that a small colony now lives in the area following several escapes and some breeding amongst the escapees . However Wallabies are one thing big cats something entirely different . As much as I 'd love to believe in the ' beast of Bodmin ' etc I can 't see it somehow . A cat that size would eat a lot and so things would go missing . Also , just like Nessie , to still be alive after all this time breeding must be taking place and in theory there must be dozens out there now . Yet the only evidence we have are blurred , grainy photos and videos from cameras mysteriously lacking any form of zoom function . Throughout our lives we all have battles to fight , some are big , some are petty , some are for the good of many and some are for the good of one person , you . The common element in all these battles is that something you hold dear is being threatened . I have never been one to be walked over and have fought many battles and I 've found that the secret to winning is timing . Picking the right battle at the right time is essential , make the mistake of going out with all guns blazing at the wrong moment means you loose , plain and simple . However , despite indications to the contrary , I am a very patient person , time means nothing to me , I wait it out until the time is right . So for now this particular battle has been put on the back burner . There are people , and I thank you all for the emails and messages of support I 've been receiving , who think I should fight , not just for me but for everyone who has or might face a similar situation . Some have even hinted that I am selfish for not doing so . To those people I 'd just like to remind them of the campaigning I did on their behalf , and for myself , to stop NICE withdrawing funding for our much needed medicines . I also took on the airlines to stop them charging hundreds of pounds for in flight oxygen . And before anyone starts shouting , I didn 't do these things by myself , I was part of a team . However I did attend select committees in parliament , I did meet politicians sympathetic to our cause , I did discuss our case on radio and I did appear in newspapers , so I 'm not adverse to fighting my corner . However the other thing about battles is that you can only really fight one at a time . I am already fighting a battle , a battle for the chance to live and , yes it is selfish , but that is the most important battle right now . When that battle has been won then I can look at everything else , but for now I 'm saving my strength and energy . It was decided in a meeting between a GP working for occupational health , HR , and those above me that because I have less oxygen in my blood my ' thought processes ' may not be as quick as those with normal blood oxygen . And because of that I have been prevented from doing the more complex aspects of my work . This decision was made without anyone seeking advice from a PH expert . What is even more annoying this decision hasn 't been made because of anything I 've actually done but in case something happens in the future . Anyone who knows anything about PH or actually has PH will probably understand exactly how I felt on receiving this little bit of news . We all know what it is like to have our condition completely misunderstood , is there anyone with PH who has not been told by someone that they ' only have high blood pressure ' ? I am fortunate that my employers do understand how ill I am and that I do need special consideration . In some ways they have bent over backwards to accommodate me . I will also say in fairness that there are days when I can barely function so they may have a point . However my problem with this decision is that it was done behind my back . If I 'd been included in the meeting , given a chance to put my side of things , even if the outcome had been the same , at least I 'd have had a chance and maybe understood better their reasoning . The most unfortunate outcome of all this is I have lost my trust . I felt comfortable , I was settled and happy and had begun to relax . I know my working life is coming to an end , with my age and my health no new employers would take me on , so I felt lucky that I 'd found somewhere I could end my working life happy and fulfilled . I will now be on my guard , where I once told them everything I will now cherry pick any developments in my condition and will never be as open again . Such a shame . Talking of disappointment I was amazed yesterday when someone who really should know better made fun of me . I was walking through the lobby of my building decked out in my flolan pump and oxygen pack when this bloke who I 've never seen before shouted ' here she comes , our resident ghost buster . ' Now I like to think I 've got a good , if quirky , sense of humour but amused I was not . I gave him the ' death stare ' and continued on my way . If he or anyone else does it again however , they are going to find themselves quickly educated . It is the opening ceremony tonight and I really cannot wait . Having been bowled over by the Olympics I have great hopes for these very special games . Of course there has to be a fly in the ointment and this time it is yet another ticket scandal . Whereas able bodied spectators can book their tickets on a free website , disabled supporters are having to book theirs via a premium rate telephone line . Given that as a whole the disabled are less well off than the able bodied this has been seen as one of the worst forms of discrimination . When challenged the powers that be say that disabled people need to ring in to ensure their particular needs are catered for . Fair enough but if that really is the case why not provide a free line ? There has been a down turn in my condition but not too much , the biggest concern being the two kilos I 've lost since my last visit . I am now officially under seven stones and that is not good . So I 'm back on the Complan , whoop de doop de doo ! The trouble is that I 'm filling myself up on fruit , because that is all I can face , which is very healthy but not very calorific . I have been advised to ' get a bacon butty ' down me with a side order of cheesy chips and do it at least once a day , I want to puke just thinking about it . I 've been referred back to palliative care team to see if they can stop me feeling sick without destroying my appetite . I 'm actually in a catch 22 situation . The drug I take is based on bodyweight so you get a dose specific to how much you weigh . If you put weight on the drug becomes less effective and will need increasing if the weight gain looks long term . If you lose weight then the drug become too strong causing nausea which means you lose more weight and this in turn makes the drug even stronger . I can 't win . They cannot take me off the drug because it is the only thing left and so in effect I 'm slowly starving . I am also showing signs of extreme stress with my blood pressure and pulse up on my normal sedate readings . They already know the cause and are both appalled and upset on my behalf . My consultant gave me a letter and offered to ring up and give the person concerned a telling off but I said the letter would be fine for now . The sad thing is PH is so misunderstood that this sort of event is not a rare occurrence so they are more used to putting idiots in their place than they ought to be . We discussed the transplant situation and the good news is Papworth are willing to assess me and will be sending me out an appointment in the next week or so , where have I heard that one before ? The delay has been caused by Harefield , who have yet to pass on to the Brompton the exact reasons for rejecting me . The Brompton maintain that my heart is in very good condition and after looking over my test results Papworth seem to agree so no one can understand why I was rejected , unless it was a mistake . I don 't even want to go down that path . To cheer me up we stopped on the way home for a mug of tea and a sandwich at my favourite biker cafe , the Ace Cafe in north London . As we sat and chatted I admired the rows of shining machinery parked outside . Unlike car owners who think if you show any interest you are planning to nick the thing , bikers are all to happy to show off their polished chrome and custom painted fuel tanks . As we approached the M1 several police vehicle went whizzing past , we knew all to well what that meant . We caught up with them an hour later as we crawled past the scene of the accident . They were attending a small disagreement between a lorry and a mini bus . No seemed injured though . First a phone call offering a deep apology and the promise that heads will be banged together . Second a fabulous letter written by my outraged and unexpected supporter . I am hoping to look forward to some grovelling next week . When it has all blown over I will fill you in with what happened but for now I want to keep things close to my chest , I hope you understand . I slept better last night though I don 't know whether that was from sheer exhaustion or because the intense pain of the last few days is subsiding . Having said that it might be because the cavalry are now at my back and ready to leap into action if need be . All my barriers are now back in place . It has meant getting rid of some friends that I will miss but I have to think of me for now and I will feel safer not having them around . Yesterdays blog was published about two hours before it was announced that Tony Nicklinson , a victim of ' locked in syndrome ' , had died . Tony and his wife campaigned tirelessly for the right to assisted suicide since his stroke back in 2004 . He died peacefully of pneumonia in the end and the years of further suffering that he dreaded are gone . Clearly when I was talking about suicide being the cowards way out I was not referring to people like Tony , who is probably one of the bravest people I 've ever heard of . More than that he stood up for what he truly believed and will be remembered for the inspiration he gave to others during his long fight for justice . Not only are they forcing him to live on campus but are demanding £ 400 upfront , before he even gets his grant , to secure his room . I said I would pay with some of my savings and he could pay me back when he had the money . When we got onto the website to pay we discovered that they will only accept payment by credit card then had the cheek to charge me £ 6 for the privilege of doing so . Where do these people get off ? Still it is done now and I 've transfered my savings onto my card so I shouldn 't incur any interest . It is lucky for Andrew that he has a parent with a credit card who is able to step in and help but what about the thousands that are not so fortunate ? How do they get through the red tape ? Another minor irritation came in the form of my optician who called to say my new contacts were in . I 'd forgotten I was down to my last box and had run out before ordering so I 'm wearing my old prescription at the moment which I kept as a back up . Things are a little fuzzy around the edges but it isn 't too bad . Anyway I drove into town , picked my lenses up and returned home . I had assumed that as the optician had called to say my lenses were in he had checked them so imagine my surprise when I opened the box to find the wrong lenses in the wrong prescription . So another trip into town later I come away with a deep apology and a week 's supply of free lenses to keep me going until they can sort it out . Maybe it was because I had my best ' don 't fuck with me ' face on but I can highly recommend Boots opticians for the speedy resolution to a problem . So I am off to the Brompton tomorrow for a check up and to discuss recent events . They are also organising a letter so I am going to be armed to the teeth come Saturday . I have an early appointment so I hope to be back in time to write another blog but if I 'm not then there will be a hum dinger of one one Tuesday . I have had numerous messages sending good wishes and advice . I thank you all for that and will try to reply to you individually once the storm has blown over . Out of it all there were two pieces that I am currently mulling over and using as a raft to cling to , one is ' don 't let the bastards get you down ' the other is ' don 't get mad , get even ' a bit of a tough call that one at the moment . Be assured though that suicide will never be an option for me . I have always viewed suicide as a cowards way out and I may be many things but a coward I am not , well OK , I am a bit of a coward when it comes to needles . And spiders . And heights but overall I am not cowardly by nature . I won 't say there haven 't been times when I haven 't considered it because I 'd be lying but it is not for me , I 'm going to have to wait for nature to take it 's course . I thought I was in luck last night when I thought for about five minutes that I was having a heart attack . I felt a sudden crushing pain , felt sick and broke out in a sweat . Unfortunately the episode passed and I live to face another day . I can 't say I 'm not disappointed as dying of a stress related heart attack two days later would probably the best ' up yours ' I could hope to get but I 'm going to have to think of another way , such is life . Talking of which isn 't it funny that you can be clinging desperately to any hope one minute and then be wishing it would all just stop the next . So how am I ? Well still seething basically , I have had about three hours sleep since Sunday night , I managed a couple of blissful hours of oblivion on the settee last night . Every now and then white fury rolls in but it is not constant as it was yesterday . I 'm having bouts of palpitations , almost certainly stress related , and the knot in my stomach means I haven 't eaten properly for days . To top it all my breathing is terrible , again I suspect because of the stress . I 've set about thinking why I have taken this one thing so badly when every thing else that has happened in the last six months or so have rolled off me like water on a duck 's back . Even the transplant fiasco didn 't hit me this hard , yes I had a cry and a couple of days feeling miserable but nothing compared to this . I can only assume that this last event was the step to far , the final straw , the catalyst that brought everything to the surface . And boy did it surface and is still doing so . Today my main priority to to try and calm down . I am due for a check up at the Brompton on Friday and in my current state it is unlikely to go well . If I can get some sleep it will be a bonus . I began to think that maybe it was time to start lowering the barriers , let others in . PH is a lonely illness at the best of times and I figured I needed as much support as I could get but what happened ? The minute I did so they set about destroying me , I 've never been so hurt and humiliated . And I am so angry I am even scaring myself . Even being turned down for transplant didn 't hurt as much as this and why ? Because that decision was made by strangers this was done by people I looked up to , people I though cared , people I thought were on my side , people I though I could turn too when the chips were down , people I took a risk on and let in . The anguish I feel is overwhelming , gradually every piece of me is being taken away and with each loss I am in agony . So I 'm rebuilding my barriers , pulling down the shutters and retreating to lick my wounds and mend my protective shell . Things will now be kept within the family and only the family . I don 't even know if I can bring myself to continue this blog anymore . I cried at first long and hard , so hard my ribs still ache this morning then the anger came . It is intense and destructive and so far shows no signs of abating . It kept me awake all night and has robbed me of the little appetite I had . I know I must control it in order to calmly think about what has happened . Over the last few years I have done everything asked of me and more . There have been times when I 've been in such pain I couldn 't breath . There have been times when I could hardly put one foot in front of the other . And there have been times when I 've gone to bed sincerely hoping I didn 't wake up but I 've pulled myself out of bed and been there for them and all I get in return is kicked in the teeth . This is the deepest I have fallen and this time I don 't think I 'm going to be able to crawl back to the top . I might get halfway but then again I might decide it is time to stop fighting and accept that I am swimming an increasingly strong tide . Hi did it , he did it , he did it ! A in Biology , B in Physics and C in Psychology plus an email confirming his place in university . To say I am happy would be a complete understatement . He has worked so hard and waited so long for this and it was all worth it . I haven 't been this thrilled since Laurence got accepted into the Prison Service and I went to his graduation . Now I have another graduation to look forward too . Not sure I 'm going to be quite so thrilled when my credit card starts taking a battering but that will be worth it too . Right feet back on the ground , although I feel better today I 'm still went to see my GP . Being so close to the weekend I 've decided not to take a chance and to get some antibiotics in case things decide to flare up again on Friday evening , which always seems to happen to me . After a through examination she decided that although I didn 't have an infection yet I had a slight wheeze and crackle on one side so has given me antibiotics as a precaution . This is what I like about my GP surgery , they 've begun to see the benefits in prevention rather than cure and as a result I 've had a lot less time off work this year . I was really sad to see that Prince Phillip has been admitted to hospital again . At ninety one I can 't help thinking he needs to ease up on his work load and start taking more care of himself . A lot of people do not like the Royal family , they believe they are free loaders , over privileged and cost us lots of money . I agree that there are some members who really should be given a kick up the backside , I can think of two Princesses for a start . However how many of these wingers would be happy to see themselves or a member of their family still working at that age ? Unlike normal people of their age the Queen and Prince Phillip will never be able to retire . They will literally work until they drop , surely that if nothing else deserves to be admired or at least respected . . Well I did watch Cleopatra right through from start to finish , what a brilliant film , no special effects , no aliens , no foul language , just pure class from start to finish . They really don 't make them like that anymore . This afternoon 's viewing will be less awe inspiring as I will be watching the opening episode of Celebrity Big Brother . I always watch the opening show to see if there really are any celebrities in it and as I will be doing the ironing at the same time I wanted something I didn 't have to think to much about . I decided to record it to get rid of all the annoying adverts , they could easily cut two hours down to one if they didn 't put in an ad break between each reveal . The other reason is because I am watching an absolutely brilliant serial on BBC2 at the moment called Vexed . It is a sort of comedy / drama about two police detectives who don 't get along . The characters are a bit formulaic but it is well written and quite funny in places . Worth a look if you get the chance 9pm BBC2 Wednesdays . Well as I said I have ironing and things to do before work tomorrow . At the moment I feel I am well enough to go so expect the next blog in four days . If however a blog appears tomorrow you 'll know that things are not quite what they should be . Andrew was going into London with some mates for a party and I was originally told that he wouldn 't be in for lunch , hence our plan to go out for a pub lunch . However he then announced that he wasn 't leaving until half past one so would be in for lunch . So we had a hastily made curry instead . The we decided that as half the day had gone we would put our plans on hold and celebrate today instead . Andrew wasn 't expected back until late afternoon . So we got our shopping and chores out of the way first and I was treated to a bottle of expensive perfume in John Lewis . We arrived home to a deserted house and settled in for a quiet night , possibly with a DVD and maybe even a glass of wine or two . I was even thinking take away as a rare treat then the door bell rang and standing on the doorstep was Andrew . Apparently some of the people at this party were not the type of people many would want to be around . He didn 't say anything but I got the impression that drugs might have been involved , so he decided to leave before things got out of hand and come home . Disappointing for him and frustrating for us but I 'd rather he come home that get involved in something that might affect his future . Today several things have conspired against us . Firstly Andrew being home but he doesn 't mind us going out and has said he will make his own lunch . Then the weather , any chance of taking pictures in the countryside are well and truly off due to rain and high winds . Finally there is me , I 'm having a bad day , a really , really bad day . Although my lungs are clear I 'm having difficulty breathing and , although I haven 't eaten a thing , I feel really full and bloated and anything I swallow make me feel even worse . I 'm hoping it is just an off day but I 've made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow just in case it is another infection brewing . Quite often the next day I 'll feel as though nothing happened and if that is the case I will cancel , as seeing my GP twice in four days is a little bit much , even for me . In the news it seems the ticket fiasco that dogged the Olympics is now causing problem for the Paralympics too . It seems that if you want to attend and are in a wheelchair you will have to sit on your own is the designated wheelchair area while you family will have to sit else where in the arena , and that could be right over the other side . If you are severely disabled one person may be allowed to sit with you , I 've no idea what they class as ' severely disabled ' , to me being in a wheelchair is disabled enough isn 't it ? So how are these wheelchair bound spectators meant to get to the toilets , get a drink , alert someone that they are not feeling well or take their medications ? Can I just remind you we are talking about disabled people going to watch disabled people here , crazy ! I 've no doubt this situation will be swiftly resolved once the public outcry alerts the powers that be what idiots they are being but it shouldn 't need an outcry to point this out . These are games for disabled people surely they expected disable people to want to go and watch . I still haven 't heard from Papworth regarding my ' urgent ' referral . Maybe they are hoping I pop my clogs before they get round to me . Sometimes it really feels as though that is the reason for all the delays . So I 've fired off another email to my specialists at the Brompton to ask what the hell is going on . It is not their fault , they did exactly what they promised . I 'm reluctant to phone Papworth myself as I don 't know who to shout at , and I don 't want to get myself in their bad books before I even see them by getting myself classed as an awkward patient . It is all very frustrating . In fact I 'd even class it as cruel . If they are going to turn me down I 'd rather know now than wait the six months it took Harefield to do the same . It was our 29th wedding anniversary yesterday but unfortunately Peter had to work so we are celebrating today instead . We are spending the whole day together doing fun things such a taking a long lazy lunch at a country pub and if the weather holds a stroll somewhere with our cameras . So excuse this blog for being a little shorter than usual . Laurence came to stay over the weekend as promised but I didn 't see much of him . I got home at 6 . 30 and he was away at 8 pm for a night out with his mates , I was in bed by the time he came in . We did manage a nice meal together before he went out though and had a nice chat over breakfast on Sunday morning . Still it was nice to have him around again even if it was only briefly . My knees are going down but the bruising has spread so I look like I 'm wearing a couple of sweat bands around them . A trip to the doctor revealed low blood pressure so I 've been given advice to not stand for long periods and to be careful getting up from a sitting or lying position . I have an appointment to see the Brompton next week so I 'll mention it to them , it could be that my meds need adjusting again . Although the Olympics have ended they are not out of the news yet as the BBC seems reluctant to let go . Our news bulletins were full of pictures of hung over athletes gathering at Heathrow to fly home . I wonder how long it will be before the euphoria wears off ? In other news more details are emerging in the Tia Sharp case . It appears she might have been smothered before being hidden in the loft . By all accounts this roof space was blazing hot and we all know that heat accelerates decomposition so how come no one smelt her during the initial searches ? It could be that this was a Shannon Matthews situation that went wrong or her body was moved , hence the arrest of the neighbour . Of course the most pressing question is why she was killed and I doubt very much that Stuart Hazell will ever tell us the real reason . What I found curious is that , despite his picture being shown on every news bulletin and splashed across countless newspapers , when he appeared in court by video link we got a court drawing . That seems to be a case of closing the barn door after the horse has bolted to me , I mean what was the point ? For those that don 't know or don 't remember Shannon went missing aged eight sparking a huge search and offers of large rewards for her safe return . However her mother 's acting skills were not up to much and police got suspicious . Shannon was found twenty days later hidden and drugged in the storage space of a double bed at her uncle 's house . Shannon was taken into care and mother and uncle jailed . The pair cooked up the plan of the uncle suddenly ' finding ' Shannon and claiming the reward which they 'd split between them . I cannot imagine anyone would copy such a stupid plan but there are some very stupid people about and to be fair neither Stuart Hazell or Tia 's grandmother look very bright . The news that really excited me though is the discovery of two , or possibly more , pyramids in the Egyptian dessert . Not everyone is enamored by Google but this time their Google Earth cameras seem to have come up trumps by discovering something that is invisible from the ground . As a lover of everything Ancient Egyptian I am beside myself and cannot wait for these discoveries to be examined by archaeologists . They have obviously lain undiscovered for thousands of years so there is a good chance that if they are pyramids they will be intact . Maybe their contents will top those of Tutankhamen . And who is in them ? We know that lots of Pharaohs have not been discovered , could we soon be adding a few more to our list ? if you want to see these amazing pictures for yourself just follow the link . http : / / news . sky . com / story / 971892 / two - new - pyramids - found - on - google - earth Over the last two weeks I 've watched , in no particular order , tennis , boxing gymnastics , running , cycling , swimming , BMX , canoing , kayaking , shooting , archery , mountain biking , pentathlon , decathlon , heptathlon , long jump , high jump , triple jump , marathon and diving . At each event I was on the edge of my seat willing Team GB to come away with a medal and by an large they did . I 'd rush home form work each night and sit watching until forced to bed by Peter . I 'd avidly read every word in the papers the next day and constantly checked the medals table to see how we were doing . While I watched the opening ceremony with a sense of dread , vowing it would be the only thing I 'd be watching I slowly got drawn in as the medals started to arrive . Last night I sat down in eager anticipation and a sense of sadness that what was to come would be magnificent but also the final breathes of a wonderful event . I must say it didn 't disappoint and was a wacky as the opening ceremony , if not slightly more so . To be honest the first half hour was , well boring and slightly confusing but it soon picked up . I loved the fact that the loudest singing was to Eric Idle 's ' Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life ' . I was amused at Boris Johnson , London 's mayor , bopping away enthusiastically to the Spice Girls , though I must admit to a secret longing for one of them to fall off the top of her taxi . George Michael was a surprise and John Lennon was very fitting , and really should have been the last song . It was a little spooky having John and Freddie Mercury appearing in digital form but both represented the talent we have lost while Jessie J and her mates showed all too clearly that the ability to sing is no longer needed to be a pop star . My one grip was letting Jessie perform with Queen , Queen songs require a powerful but melodious voice not a screeching banshee . Tom Jones , George Michael or even Meatloaf would have been better . There were the weird bits of course , a giant octopus for one , Russell Brand for another , though he was quite good , and Del and Rodney as Batman and Robin , though I suspect that bit was lost on our foreign visitors . And Darcy Bussell on fire flying into the arena . Thankfully Paul McCartney was shelved this time but we got Roger Daltry instead . He was better but only slightly . Now it is all over and the cauldron is now dark and silent . Do they light it again for the Paralympics I wonder ? They must do , mustn 't they ? Only another two weeks until we find out . There will be less coverage , though I don 't see why that should be , but I will be rushing home again each night to see how we are doing . So what was my favourite , most defining moment of the games ? Well it has to be Andy Murray winning the tennis , not just because I am a fan but because he over came a personal stumbling block called Roger Federer and has finally silenced his doubters , well most of them anyway . Next year 's Wimbledon could be very different as Murray goes into it as the Olympic champion , and hopefully with renewed confidence . Tom Daley came a very close second . This week the excitement was provided by . . . me ! I took a bit of a tumble in the locker room and couldn 't get up . One minute I was opening my locker to put my stuff away , the next I was on the floor with all my stuff scattered around me . I sat for a moment contemplating my situation and realised I was stuck as there was nothing for me to hang on to on which I could pull myself up . I waited for a while hoping someone would come in but being six on a Saturday evening it was a forlorn hope so I had to phone my office to summon help . And boy did help come , I immediately heard footsteps and voices shouting as two of my colleagues burst into the room . I felt such a fool . After making sure I was OK I was hauled to my feet by one of my male colleagues and escorted to my car in case I went over again . Looking back it was hilarious but I 'm slightly worried as I don 't remember what happened . I have swellings the size of eggs on both knees which are a fetching shade of purple and a large bruise on my hip so I obviously hit the floor hard . I will be calling the doctor to get myself checked out . In the news no one can have missed or be moved by the murder of Tia Sharp . I hate to say this but I had Stuart Hazell pegged from the moment I saw him . It is nearly always a family member or someone close to the family that ends up being the offender . Is the grandmother involved ? Well I really cannot see how she didn 't know something was wrong . My guess is both will eventually be charged and hopefully locked up for life . While I am writing this I am waiting for a phone call from Andrew . He went to a party at a friends house and elected to spend the night so he could have a drink or two . A wise move I 'm sure you 'll agree but annoying when you 've been up since seven waiting for a call that still hasn 't come two hours later . Had a very interesting postbag this morning . Firstly my results came back from the Warfarin clinic saying I don 't have to see them again until October 16th , that 's ten whole weeks . For a needle phobic there really couldn 't be much better news . The second letter is from the Brompton asking me to go in and see my consultant in two weeks . This is a bit of a surprise as I wasn 't meant to see him again until the end of September . Now of course I 'm worrying that he may have bad news to tell me and doesn 't want to do it over the phone . I 'm not sure what I 'm going to do if Papworth have said no . I am back to full working order and have had two days of normal meals without any problems so I 'm planning a return to work tomorrow . In a strange way I 'm rather looking forward to it , it will take my mind off my appointment for a start . Being home on your days off are usually enjoyable and because of this you can never pack in everything you want to do in . Being home because you are ill is not fun at all especially when the house is full of noise , dust and strange smells and you are banned from the bathroom for long periods of time . So today is going to be a day of getting ready in between watching TV . To be fair I had already washed and ironed my work stuff ages ago so all I need to do is make sure Andrew and Peter don 't starve while I 'm at work . I usually make a couple of tubs of pasta sauce ( different ones of course ) and pop them in the fridge , then all they have to do is boil up some pasta and blast the sauce in the microwave . Of late though Andrew has experimented with cooking bacon , eggs and sausages . He says he is practicing for uni , which is good , but a vegetable or two won 't go amiss . Haven 't we done well , several records broken , the best ever haul of medals in an Olympics and still five days to go . No wonder other countries are looking at us as if something strange is happening . Great Britain has become used to being the nearly man , ' nearly ' winning Wimbledon , ' nearly ' winning football etc , etc and suddenly we are leaving everyone else behind . If we are so good at all these other sports isn 't it time we saw more of them on mainstream TV ? Talking of seeing more on mainstream TV , are the paralympics going to get as much coverage as the main event ? I certainly think they should , after all have the athletes taking part worked any less hard ? Or might they just have worked that little bit harder ? In the news , new pictures of the Loch Ness Monster . Having done the maths this poor creature must about three hundred years old by now . I have to admit the new picture is very convincing but photography is no longer the medium that doesn 't lie . Now I 'm not saying the photograph has been manipulated but making it public at the height of the tourist season seems just a little too fortuitous to me . Well the trip to the warfarin clinic was unusually short and sweet this morning . My bottom had barely brushed the seat when my name was called . I mentioned how few people were in compared to my last visit and was told by a rather world weary nurse that it was the ' Olympics effect ' . Apparently outpatients appointments are being cancelled left , right and center because people would rather be watching the sport than sitting in a smelly clinic waiting to be jabbed . Who 'd have thought it ! On the down side the minute the Olympics finish the clinic is going to be over run . I hope my appointment is another ten week one , I suspect September will be hell . Had a phone call from Laurence last night . He was asking if it were all right for him to sleep over on Saturday as he is planning to hit the town with his mates and didn 't want to travel all the way back to his . Of course I am delighted to have him back under my roof again , even if it is for just one night . I 'm getting excited already . It seems our medal success has provoked a bit of moaning from our French and Australian cousins who are finding it hard to believe how good we are in certain events . The Australians sound positively shell shocked and are blaming their poor showing on the fact that most of their coaches have been lured abroad to take charge of their rivals . Meanwhile the French have hinted at possible cheating going on , especially in the cycling events . The French representatives deny they are accusing us of using drugs but are miffed that Team GB cover their bike wheels at the end of events . This is not unusual as many teams do the same but the French don 't like it . What a shame ! I was so pleased to read about this story in the paper this morning . This is the story of an unemployed graduate who , as part of the governments new ' Back To Work ' programme was told to attend work experience at Poundland for a few weeks . Now before I go any further this scheme only applies to those classed as long term unemployed , and this woman had been out of work for going on two years . In a fit of pique she claimed that the scheme was akin to slavery and breached her human rights and promptly took the government to court . What she actually meant was that she considered working in Poundland beneath her . Yesterday her case was thrown out of court , brilliant ! Yes the DWP were found to be at fault for not making things clearer in their correspondence about the scheme , but then when have the DWP been clear about anything . However in the DWP 's defense , many are sick to death of paying taxes just so perfectly healthy human beings can live on benefits doing absolutely nothing to earn them . I for one welcome such schemes and to be fair anyone claiming money from the public purse should comply with any conditions applied to it . In other news NASA are going crazy celebrating the safe landing of their Rover on the surface of Mars . Now although an exciting event it isn 't really up there with the great achievements of all time is it . In 1969 we landed a man on the moon , I know I watched it , and Concorde took its first flight , and in 1981 the first space shuttle was launched . All three involved technology that is no longer available to us , most due to cost . Each one , in my opinion , is a far greater achievement than the landing of a mini on Mars . I am venturing out today for a brief shopping trip . Now that Andrew is back on form we are being eaten out of house and home again so the cupboards need some serious stocking up . Of course now the dust from his holiday and illness has settled his thoughts are turning to university and I 'm detecting a slight show of nerves . He keeps talking about clearing as though he expects to have to go through it . He 's also mentioned getting a job for a year and resiting his exams with the intention of trying again next year . I 'm hoping it is all just nerves but if it isn 't then I 'll be here for him . Yes it was an amazing achievement but others won gold this weekend apart from Jessica Ennis . I don 't wish to put her down in anyway , it is not her fault , but she is only one of many medal winners this weekend so why is she the only one to be constantly on the front pages of our newspapers . I find the fact that other winners are being ignored very rude and frankly insulting . Could it possibly be because she is not only a great athlete but is also pretty , when some of the other winners are less photogenic ? I do hope the obsession with looks is not encroaching its way into sport as well . This question was put by one of the columnists in my paper this morning and it is one that is worth debating . For too long now the vacuous , plastic world of ' celebrity ' has been at the fore front of our children 's ambitions . Most think that the way to becoming famous and earning pots of money is to appear on a reality show or marry a footballer . This of course requires no effort as long as you have a pretty face and a self obsession of terrifying proportions . The Olympics are showing youngsters that there are other ways to the top but will they take up the challenge ? The people we see on the podiums day after day have worked hard since very young for their brief moment of glory and this is where we reach a sticking point . Most of today 's youngsters don 't want to work hard for something , they expect it to fall into their lap . So will we see an increased uptake of sport ? Yes I expect we will for a while then the reality will set in and all but a few will go back to playing video games , eating crisps and dreaming of being old enough to apply for Big Brother . Sad but true . I was in the queue with my trolley of approx thirty items when this business type woman came behind me with just two items so , as I have done many times before , I asked her if she wanted to go ahead of me , which she did . She then left without a word of thanks , just paid and left . Even the girl working on the checkout commented on how rude the woman had been . Apart from being angry I was really shocked . I 've let every sort of person past me , some who look as though they 'd rip your head off soon as look at you , and all have said thanks . And yet a respectable looking , suited woman in her mid forties totally ignored me . No wonder people are so horrible to each other when even those you expect to be polite can 't be bothered . Unfortunately she has made me think twice about making this gesture in the future . I probably still will but if you are a business woman in a suit expect to be ignored . Well I 've gone from not caring about the Olympics , and being slightly miffed that all my favourite programmes have either been moved or stopped altogether , to ' wow ' in the space of one evening . Yes I 've been pleased when hearing about our sports people winning medals , and I did watch Murray storm to the final and a guaranteed silver but I 've been fairly unmoved up to now . Like most of the nation I was on the edge of my seat watching Mo Farrar last night and our planned film night went down the drain yet again . I can officially announce I am feeling a lot , lot better . I managed my first proper meal yesterday and enjoyed every morsel . I 'm going for something a little more substantial today and I 'm eating fruit by the bucket load . I 'm still having the odd wobbly moment , which is a bit strange , but on the whole I 've got my old zing back . Of course now that I 'm feeling better I 've got all the jobs I 've put off facing me and foremost is a pile of bedding and towels to be washed and dried . I did the ironing yesterday , well most of it , but by tonight there will be another pile waiting in the wings . Still I have four days to catch up so I don 't need to go for it hammer and tongs . Talking of Andrew his rash has cleared up nicely and had been reduced to a few spots here and there . We are all very relieved not least that neither Peter or myself caught it . I 'm giving it one more day and then he is going to get a great big hug . We are at the mid point and we haven 't been attacked in any shape or form . Now it might be that the sight of an aircraft carrier in the Thames is enough to put off the most determined terrorist but I doubt it . Although it is good to be careful , and in this day and age security is a must , I 'm now wondering if we have gone just a little bit overboard . We have rocket launchers on top of tower blocks for goodness sake . Do the powers that be really think an attack is going to be as obvious as someone trying to fly a plane into the stadium ? Any terrorist , or loan nutter , as there are plenty of them about too , worth his salt will not be an obvious source of threat . Let 's face it , you walk in with ' I am a terrorist ' on your tee shirt you are going to find yourself in a cell being strip searched before you can draw breathe . If an attack comes it will be carried out by the most normal looking person in the building but with a bit of luck the second half of the games will be as peaceful as the first . Before I finish OW I just want to point out how sad some people really are . We have had a fantastic week of sport . Sports that are never normally seen on British TV are being shown and vast numbers are watching them . However after the best day of the games for Team GB so far , six golds , there are still people saying that their whole weekend is ruined because the football team are out of the competition . I am speechless . Do you remember me saying a few blogs back how delighted I was to find a pair of original wooden Scholls . Well I 've fallen out of love with them big time after one slipped off my foot yesterday and clouted me on the ankle then caused immense pain as I stepped on it sideways . The bruise is a sight to see and my foot still aches . I don 't remember doing that in my twenties . For five glorious minutes this morning I considered going into work as I felt really well . However this idea was swiftly sat on by Peter who has told me that work is out of the question until I 've had a day of eating proper meals . He is right of course and often steps in to save me from myself . So today I 'm making a determined effort to try and eat normally . You know what it is like though , you just start feeling really well and want to keep that feeling and so food sort of becomes the enemy . You know that eating might make you feel ill again so you start avoiding it . Now I love my food , always have , so this is a worrying development but one I 'm not going to let take hold . Finally heard from the Brompton regarding my transplant referral . They are disgusted that I still haven 't heard from Papworth and are going to do some chasing for me . I am to let them know if I still haven 't heard anything by the end of next week . I have found a new ally in the road back to normality , watermelon ! This stuff is ideal , it is light , tasty , not acidic and full of liquid and is going down a treat . I 've eaten at least half of a whacking big one already and Peter only brought it home at tea time last night . Today I am planning my first proper meal , a light pasta with a delicate tomato sauce , minus the garlic and chilli 's I normally add . If I can keep that down I know I 'm on to a winner . Andy Murray is guaranteed at least a silver medal after beating Djokovic in the semi 's yesterday . I am ecstatic ! He will be meeting Federer in a final yet again , time for revenge I wonder ? The only thing I can find to complain about today is the banning of Pimms at Wimbledon . Why ? Because they manufacturers are not official sponsors of course , pathetic isn 't it . There are still empty seats but not so many now as spares are now being sold nightly online and for as low as a fiver , now if they had only done this from the start we wouldn 't have had any empty seats at all . Andrew 's rash has all but disappeared overnight . He 's gone from looking like a smallpox victim to your average acned teenager in a matter of hours . He even managed to have a shower , a great relief for all , which he has been unable to do up to now as his skin was so sore . Isn 't it typical , the moment I start feeling better the heavens open and the rain starts pouring and an afternoon on the decking with a good book has been shelved . So I 'm looking at another afternoon of slobbing in front of the TV but fed up with doing absolutely nothing I 'm going to combine watching with ironing , not too much , but a small start on the mountain that has built up over the last week , yes I can tell Andrew is back . I have been ordered not to touch the bathroom , an order I can easily obey as polishing grout off tiles is hardly my favourite occupation . In the news the mother of Mark Duggan , whose death sparked last years riots , is claiming he was ' assassinated ' by police . How ridiculous a statement is that , and how irresponsible . Her comments are stirring up ' feelings ' in those who would like nothing better than another excuse for more civil unrest . An excuse this women is plainly handing to them on a plate by advertising a memorial service for Duggan on Sunday as though he were some hero . Now I am not going to say his death wasn 't sad and I am not going to say the police get it right all the time but in this case I don 't believe they had much choice . Duggan was a serial offender who was known for violence , he refused to cooperate with the police and had in his possession a gun which despite warnings he refused to put down and repeatedly pointed at police . Yes the death shouldn 't have happened but Duggan was not the total innocent in all this and at least partially contributed to his own death . Hero he definitely is not . Well I 've now moved on to tomato soup and banana 's , not together you understand . Again small amounts but I 'm picking up on the frequency . I 'm still a bit nauseous if I 've eaten too much but mostly everything has settled down nicely . I really fancied a cheese sandwich around five yesterday evening and took an hour to pluck up courage to try half of one . Not a bad reaction but I think I might wait another day before trying a full one . The tea is interspersed with barely there blackcurrant squash and I 've started on the Complan again to try and give myself a bit of a boost as I 'm still incredibly wobbly . I dared to weigh myself this morning and was pleased to see I 've only lost five pounds but it still means another up hill battle to put the weight back on . Unfortunately good news is almost always accompanied by bad and cyclists Victoria Pendleton and Jess Varnish were disqualified from the inaugural women 's team sprint for an illegal change during their second - round contest with Ukraine . What a shame , cycling was one of the events we were almost guaranteed medals in . There was also controversy surrounding the mens win after the youngest of the group implied he 'd fallen off deliberately to force a restart when the he didn 't get off quickly enough on the first attempt . This has now been dismissed as a misunderstanding and ' language problems ' as Philip Hindes has only been learning English for a couple of years . Even so there is a slight taint to the win now and if anyone really does fall off in the early stages of a race in future they are likely to be looked at very carefully . Andrew is looking better , the rash is not so red or sore and his throat is completely fine now , thank goodness for that . Now he can talk he is chattering on about his holiday and has shown us some pictures . I 'd never thought of Bulgeria as a holiday destination but it is so beautiful , and has lots to see and do apparently . However it is not disabled friendly , lots of stairs and steps , cobbled roads and very little of it is flat . Maybe one for after the transplant then . Talking of which despite several emails and messages left on answer phones there has not been a peep out of the Brompton . A fellow PH sufferer has given me the number of the PALS admin person to get in touch with which I will be doing today . I must say though it is unusual for my PH team not to get back to me within a day or two , they are usually very good . Another PH sufferer has advised I also contact Papworth 's transplant team to see what is going on . I don 't feel I can do that yet though as I haven 't had it confirmed that my referral has gone though . It is all highly frustrating I must say . I am finding it hard to find news stories worth discussing at the moment . The Olympics are all consuming and very little other news is getting through . This is another thing I do not like about the way the media , the BBC in particular , are covering the games . I keep missing things I want to see because they will give a time but not a channel . Or they will give such a large time range that you can 't watch all the way through and quiet often they cut what you are watching to move to something else . It is very irritating . Now I appreciate that there is a lot going on and it is very difficult to show everything but if they have started a particular competition they should at least stick with it until the final stages . In desperation I have switched to other channels in the hope of finding out what is going on beyond London at the moment but they are all equally obsessed and real news is now confined to a five minute round up at the end . What did catch my eye was the report that Kofi Annan has given up on his attempts to broker peace in Syria . If Kofi Annan gives up on you , you know you are in trouble . At least the weather is getting a rest , it being our usual national obsession . I am feeling so much better today . Still wobbly on my feet and as weak as a kitten but better . I have stuck to white toast , tea . porridge and plain potato mash but it has all stayed down which is reassuring . I 've even managed to take my warfarin again , something which was just not happening Monday and Tuesday . We got GOLD ! At last ! And not just one but two . Well done Heather , Helen and Bradley . Let 's hope this is the start of a golden shower . For other countries the news was not so good as three Badminton teams were kicked out of the Olympics for cheating , well sort of . China , South Korea and Indonesia all saw their womens teams kicked out after some very dodgy play in last night 's events . So what did they actually do ? Well as I understand it they tried to manipulate the play offs by throwing matches in order to get a more favourable draw in the next round . Each team decided they did not want to meet their own countries in the play offs as that would mean only one team from their country going higher . Not actually cheating but certainly a manipulation of the contest by anyones standards . They are appealing of course but I doubt they have much chance of returning to the competition . It is such a shame that athletes or their countries , for I have no doubt the idea came from further up the feeding chain , feel they have to resort to such tactics to do well . And would they ever really be happy with the win knowing how it was gained ? Andrew 's rash is not only spreading but getting worse . His hands are so sore he hasn 't been able to unpack yet . On the plus side his throat has all but cleared up and he is tucking in to anything he can get his teeth around like there is no tomorrow . I 've been carefully examining my hands and feet for early signs but so far I appear to have been successful in avoiding it , whatever it is . I 'm still thinking allergic reaction to something as he feels fine in himself and as it is his hands and face that are mostly affected I 'm thinking a contact allergy rather than something he 's swallowed . The lovely Japanese couple are going abroad for four years because of work commitments so they have rented their house out and the new couple appear to be moving in today . I haven 't seen anyone yet but there are lots of vans arriving and departing and strange cars parked outside . I hope they are nice people , we have been very lucky with our neighbours so far and I 'm really hoping this new lot won 't break the trend . Peter is in work for the next couple of days so Andrew has been given orders not to let me over do it so it is another day in front of the TV . At least I 've now moved from bed to settee so a definite improvement . Andrew is still keeping his distance but we can sit in the same room and talk now even if it is in chairs on opposite sides of the room . . Still heard nothing from Papworth regarding the transplant assessment so I 've fired off an email to the Brompton to ask them to chase . It appears an ' urgent ' referral must mean something different in hospital circles than to us mere mortals . It is so unfair that ill people are kept waiting and stressed out all the time by those that are meant to be helping us . If I ruled the NHS , grrrr ! Andrew is not allergic to penicillin but the rash is linked to the virus he 's picked so he is now taking antivirals as well . He looks a mess today but assures me he is feeling better and he has been able to swallow some solid food at last . He is still keeping as far away from me as possible to the extent of talking to me from the corridor rather than coming into the bedroom and sitting on the bed as he 'd normally do . It is very considerate but also very sad . I am now able to drink and keep down tea . Anything else comes back up immediately so I 'm sticking with tea for today so at least I 'll get my hydration back up to normal . I 've also managed to keep down my anti sickness tablet so when that kicks in I 'm hoping for a vast improvement . My problem is that I tread such a fine line between sick and not sick with my meds than any sickness bug sends me right over the edge and it take ages to gain back my equilibrium . I think I 'm going to have to throw in the towel with this one and forget about work altogether until I can get my stomach settled again . As for my weight gain well from the way my PJ 's are hanging off me I 'm guessing I 'm going to have to start the battle from scratch as I think I 'm even lighter now than when I started the first time . How frustrating is that ? I have very little to say on this matter today as I haven 't been keeping up with news or papers over the last day or two . I have had the TV on in the bedroom for most of the day though and have seen more of the games than I ever intended to . I enjoyed the women 's gymnastics , such as shame there was no medal . This blog is essentially so that my widely scattered family and friends can keep up with all that is happening since I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 . If reading because you also have PH or know someone who does , I hope this blog will show that it is possible to enjoy life with a serious illness . I also hope it will offer some support and information along the way . Since starting this blog I have now been accepted on the list for transplant . Take careHazel I have been married for 28 years and have two strapping sons . I am small but universally described as scary , determined and tenacious . Diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 I am generally an optimist and believe everything happens for a reason .
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Although the summer has been wet , the wettest in one hundred years apparently , it has still been warm . So imagine my surprise this morning when I woke up , threw the covers back and immediately broke out in goose pimples . The first thing I did was grab my dressing gown , the second shut the window and then it was downstairs to stare in disbelief at the temperature gauge . 8 . 5C at 0830 in the morning , surely a mistake , I haven 't seen figures that low since May . I 've had to dig out my slipper socks from the back of the drawer and find a cardigan to slip over my normal tee shirt . I hope this isn 't a hint of things to come , a long , cold winter is the last thing we need . I am currently on the hunt for kitties . Not for me but for Laurence who has requested a pair for his birthday . I decided to go for a rescue cats and so I rang up the Cats Protection League and quickly ran into more bureaucracy than I ever thought possible . I rang my local branch in Bedfordshire who point blank refused to deal with me because I was in a different county to my son . I was given the number of the Northampton branch and so I tried them . They refused to deal with me because my son lives in Rushden and I was given the number for the Wellingborough and Rushden branch . All the numbers are premium numbers by the way so I 'd spent about two pounds so far and not actually discussed the adoption yet so it was with some trepidation I picked up the phone and dialed again . This time I got hold of a fiercely efficient sounding woman who barked questions at me . The fact that Laurence had grown up with cats elicited a ' good ' from her , he works long shifts a ' hum ' . After about ten minutes of interrogation I was finally asked what I was looking for . Two males , preferably brothers , preferably under one year old , and preferably either black or grey in colour . We are in luck , there are several litters on their books at the moment and she is sure at least one litter has grey kittens . I then made the mistake of asking when we could see them . I couldn 't believe it , when I got our two , OK it was fourteen years ago , all I had to do was sign a contract saying that if things didn 't work out I 'd return them to the CPL . Now it seems the cat has to chose us , not the other way around . Fortunately Laurence is quite happy with this arrangement so I 've passed his number onto the CPL so they can do the negotiations , I 'll just end up footing the bill , again ! Much to my chagrin I have been banned from the actual ' choosen a kitten ' process . Laurence let me down as gently as he could . ' You know what you 're like Mum . You go for the smallest runt because you don 't think anyone else will pick them . Then you end up with a Pepper or a Tarmac . I don 't want mental cases so I 'll chose them , you can see them when I have already picked the tow I want . ' One last word on the subject , I was asked if the garden was enclosed with high fences , I said yes because it is . It was only when I put the phone down that I realised the stupidity of what I 'd been asked . These are cats , a fence is no object . How bazaar ! Well we 've already got our first two golds and spattering of silver and bronze to go with them . I can 't say I 'm as gripped as I was with the Olympics but when it does grip me I look on with awe . The outstanding athlete for me yesterday was the Chinese swimmer who won gold . This lady has no arms and swims like a dolphin . I wouldn 't even get in the water in her condition for fear of drowning . It just goes to show that if you are determined enough you can do anything no matter what obstacles are put in your way . I have finally received my appointment for Papworth . It is on the 24th September , the exact date we 'd penciled in for our get away . So once again plans have to be changed or cancelled , let 's hope this time it is worth it . I started on the shower curtain yesterday . Well I got the material our of the bag . This afternoon I plan to get the sewing machine out , you never know I might even use it . Yesterday afternoon we braved the weather and went out to do our shopping , I wasn 't feeling 100 % so I took my wheelchair with me but soon realised that maybe it would have been better to stay at home . Wheelchairs , rain and puddles just don 't mix . I got soaked . The bathroom is all but finished , I 've got to pull my finger out and make the new blind and the shower curtain . There is still the question over the flooring , we still haven 't found anything remotely suitable as yet but there isn 't any real hurry . OK the tiles don 't quite match the new colour scheme and after a through scrubbing and blast with the power washer they 've come up a shade lighter but , they are still in good condition so will do for now . We also need a new mirror but again we are still arguing about shape and size . It is now only three weeks until Andrew leaves for uni and I 'm beginning to have the wobbles . Not only that but there is so much stuff to sort out . Because of his course he needs specialist clothing and although he gets given a uniform he still needs special footwear , and of course there are items such as thermal underwear to get as he will be out and about in all weathers . He also needs to get his own pots and pans and a supply of tinned and dried goods that will suffice as a meal on those days he is too busy or gets in too late to cook . I have already paid out upwards of £ 700 since he got accepted ten days ago and there is more to come . We haven 't even started on the text books he is going to need . It will all be worth it in the end though . He is doing something very worth while and will spend his life saving others , what more can anyone ask for ? And there will be one paramedic in London who fully understands PH and all it 's complications . We are going to bite the bullet and take a short trip abroad after we 've deposited Andrew at his halls . I 'm still grounded so we will go via the channel tunnel but even this is not difficulty free . Eurostar are not too happy with the thought of taking an oxygen cylinder on board , concentrators are fine and they won 't charge but cylinders they don 't seem to like much . They haven 't said an outright no but the cylinders have to be of a certain type and size . Also they only allow two wheelchair users per train and you have to pay a special wheelchair rate which I haven 't looked into yet . The wheelchair spaces are located in premium or business class , you are allowed one companion who will pay a discounted rate , any one else will have to sit in a different part of the train of pay the full rate . It all sounds depressingly familiar , yes we cater for disabled people but we do everything to discourage them that we can . So now we are looking at taking our car so we can carry all the equipment I 'll need in the boot , still not sure if I 'll be allowed to take the oxygen but that is just one of the questions I will need to ask . I feel I need to be removed from everything for a while . I 've had a crap eight months one way or another and in order to save myself from myself and regain my positive outlook I need to take a step back . I can 't do it here as I 'm constantly waiting for that letter , that phone call , keeping on the look out for the next mini disaster or disappointment . By putting myself out of reach I will hopefully be able to relax and enjoy myself . I am sure the not sleeping , not eating and general ' down ' is all because of the enormous stress I 've been under . This trip is a necessity not a treat . What I did see , although not as frenetic as the Olympic version , was just as weird . There were many similarities of course , we still had a self important actor hamming up Shakespeare , only this one looked as though he 'd just stuck his finger in the light socket . We still had the boring speeches , though mercifully not doubled up by being translated into French and we still had the Queen looking , well , miserable to be quite frank . At least we didn 't have the toe curling parachute jump this time . The theme seems to be umbrellas , which was appropriate considering it had bucketed down for most of the day . And we had Stephen Hawking , possibly the most famous disabled person in the entire world . This afternoon I 'm resting and catching up on my soaps . I 'm pretty sure I 've got another chest infection brewing but it might just be that I need to rest . So settee here I come . A lion had been photographed in Essex resulting in the police deploying two helicopters , at enormous expense , several armed officers and half the keepers from a nearby zoo . I have seen the photo and how anyone mistook that for a lion is beyond me , unless of course they 'd had a little drinky or two . The picture shows a bright ginger animal with pointy ears , a flat - ish muzzle and a white bib , lions tend to be beige have rounded fluffy ears , a prominent muzzle and although their bibs are lighter , they are rarely white . I don 't know which ' expert ' this photo was shown to but maybe an eye test might be in order . As it turned out the ' lion ' was later identified as Teddy Bear a Maine Coon . I will allow that Teddy is on the large size even for a Maine but a lion ? I think the residents of St Osyth can rest easy in their beds , until one of them gets eaten of course . Having said all that alerts regarding wild animals are quite common in areas that have nearby zoos or wildlife parks but these alerts are almost always false . Animals do get out though , I know because I 've seen them myself . I 'll never forget my close encounter with a wallaby when walking across the local downs . It is well known locally that a small colony now lives in the area following several escapes and some breeding amongst the escapees . However Wallabies are one thing big cats something entirely different . As much as I 'd love to believe in the ' beast of Bodmin ' etc I can 't see it somehow . A cat that size would eat a lot and so things would go missing . Also , just like Nessie , to still be alive after all this time breeding must be taking place and in theory there must be dozens out there now . Yet the only evidence we have are blurred , grainy photos and videos from cameras mysteriously lacking any form of zoom function . Throughout our lives we all have battles to fight , some are big , some are petty , some are for the good of many and some are for the good of one person , you . The common element in all these battles is that something you hold dear is being threatened . I have never been one to be walked over and have fought many battles and I 've found that the secret to winning is timing . Picking the right battle at the right time is essential , make the mistake of going out with all guns blazing at the wrong moment means you loose , plain and simple . However , despite indications to the contrary , I am a very patient person , time means nothing to me , I wait it out until the time is right . So for now this particular battle has been put on the back burner . There are people , and I thank you all for the emails and messages of support I 've been receiving , who think I should fight , not just for me but for everyone who has or might face a similar situation . Some have even hinted that I am selfish for not doing so . To those people I 'd just like to remind them of the campaigning I did on their behalf , and for myself , to stop NICE withdrawing funding for our much needed medicines . I also took on the airlines to stop them charging hundreds of pounds for in flight oxygen . And before anyone starts shouting , I didn 't do these things by myself , I was part of a team . However I did attend select committees in parliament , I did meet politicians sympathetic to our cause , I did discuss our case on radio and I did appear in newspapers , so I 'm not adverse to fighting my corner . However the other thing about battles is that you can only really fight one at a time . I am already fighting a battle , a battle for the chance to live and , yes it is selfish , but that is the most important battle right now . When that battle has been won then I can look at everything else , but for now I 'm saving my strength and energy . It was decided in a meeting between a GP working for occupational health , HR , and those above me that because I have less oxygen in my blood my ' thought processes ' may not be as quick as those with normal blood oxygen . And because of that I have been prevented from doing the more complex aspects of my work . This decision was made without anyone seeking advice from a PH expert . What is even more annoying this decision hasn 't been made because of anything I 've actually done but in case something happens in the future . Anyone who knows anything about PH or actually has PH will probably understand exactly how I felt on receiving this little bit of news . We all know what it is like to have our condition completely misunderstood , is there anyone with PH who has not been told by someone that they ' only have high blood pressure ' ? I am fortunate that my employers do understand how ill I am and that I do need special consideration . In some ways they have bent over backwards to accommodate me . I will also say in fairness that there are days when I can barely function so they may have a point . However my problem with this decision is that it was done behind my back . If I 'd been included in the meeting , given a chance to put my side of things , even if the outcome had been the same , at least I 'd have had a chance and maybe understood better their reasoning . The most unfortunate outcome of all this is I have lost my trust . I felt comfortable , I was settled and happy and had begun to relax . I know my working life is coming to an end , with my age and my health no new employers would take me on , so I felt lucky that I 'd found somewhere I could end my working life happy and fulfilled . I will now be on my guard , where I once told them everything I will now cherry pick any developments in my condition and will never be as open again . Such a shame . Talking of disappointment I was amazed yesterday when someone who really should know better made fun of me . I was walking through the lobby of my building decked out in my flolan pump and oxygen pack when this bloke who I 've never seen before shouted ' here she comes , our resident ghost buster . ' Now I like to think I 've got a good , if quirky , sense of humour but amused I was not . I gave him the ' death stare ' and continued on my way . If he or anyone else does it again however , they are going to find themselves quickly educated . It is the opening ceremony tonight and I really cannot wait . Having been bowled over by the Olympics I have great hopes for these very special games . Of course there has to be a fly in the ointment and this time it is yet another ticket scandal . Whereas able bodied spectators can book their tickets on a free website , disabled supporters are having to book theirs via a premium rate telephone line . Given that as a whole the disabled are less well off than the able bodied this has been seen as one of the worst forms of discrimination . When challenged the powers that be say that disabled people need to ring in to ensure their particular needs are catered for . Fair enough but if that really is the case why not provide a free line ? There has been a down turn in my condition but not too much , the biggest concern being the two kilos I 've lost since my last visit . I am now officially under seven stones and that is not good . So I 'm back on the Complan , whoop de doop de doo ! The trouble is that I 'm filling myself up on fruit , because that is all I can face , which is very healthy but not very calorific . I have been advised to ' get a bacon butty ' down me with a side order of cheesy chips and do it at least once a day , I want to puke just thinking about it . I 've been referred back to palliative care team to see if they can stop me feeling sick without destroying my appetite . I 'm actually in a catch 22 situation . The drug I take is based on bodyweight so you get a dose specific to how much you weigh . If you put weight on the drug becomes less effective and will need increasing if the weight gain looks long term . If you lose weight then the drug become too strong causing nausea which means you lose more weight and this in turn makes the drug even stronger . I can 't win . They cannot take me off the drug because it is the only thing left and so in effect I 'm slowly starving . I am also showing signs of extreme stress with my blood pressure and pulse up on my normal sedate readings . They already know the cause and are both appalled and upset on my behalf . My consultant gave me a letter and offered to ring up and give the person concerned a telling off but I said the letter would be fine for now . The sad thing is PH is so misunderstood that this sort of event is not a rare occurrence so they are more used to putting idiots in their place than they ought to be . We discussed the transplant situation and the good news is Papworth are willing to assess me and will be sending me out an appointment in the next week or so , where have I heard that one before ? The delay has been caused by Harefield , who have yet to pass on to the Brompton the exact reasons for rejecting me . The Brompton maintain that my heart is in very good condition and after looking over my test results Papworth seem to agree so no one can understand why I was rejected , unless it was a mistake . I don 't even want to go down that path . To cheer me up we stopped on the way home for a mug of tea and a sandwich at my favourite biker cafe , the Ace Cafe in north London . As we sat and chatted I admired the rows of shining machinery parked outside . Unlike car owners who think if you show any interest you are planning to nick the thing , bikers are all to happy to show off their polished chrome and custom painted fuel tanks . As we approached the M1 several police vehicle went whizzing past , we knew all to well what that meant . We caught up with them an hour later as we crawled past the scene of the accident . They were attending a small disagreement between a lorry and a mini bus . No seemed injured though . First a phone call offering a deep apology and the promise that heads will be banged together . Second a fabulous letter written by my outraged and unexpected supporter . I am hoping to look forward to some grovelling next week . When it has all blown over I will fill you in with what happened but for now I want to keep things close to my chest , I hope you understand . I slept better last night though I don 't know whether that was from sheer exhaustion or because the intense pain of the last few days is subsiding . Having said that it might be because the cavalry are now at my back and ready to leap into action if need be . All my barriers are now back in place . It has meant getting rid of some friends that I will miss but I have to think of me for now and I will feel safer not having them around . Yesterdays blog was published about two hours before it was announced that Tony Nicklinson , a victim of ' locked in syndrome ' , had died . Tony and his wife campaigned tirelessly for the right to assisted suicide since his stroke back in 2004 . He died peacefully of pneumonia in the end and the years of further suffering that he dreaded are gone . Clearly when I was talking about suicide being the cowards way out I was not referring to people like Tony , who is probably one of the bravest people I 've ever heard of . More than that he stood up for what he truly believed and will be remembered for the inspiration he gave to others during his long fight for justice . Not only are they forcing him to live on campus but are demanding £ 400 upfront , before he even gets his grant , to secure his room . I said I would pay with some of my savings and he could pay me back when he had the money . When we got onto the website to pay we discovered that they will only accept payment by credit card then had the cheek to charge me £ 6 for the privilege of doing so . Where do these people get off ? Still it is done now and I 've transfered my savings onto my card so I shouldn 't incur any interest . It is lucky for Andrew that he has a parent with a credit card who is able to step in and help but what about the thousands that are not so fortunate ? How do they get through the red tape ? Another minor irritation came in the form of my optician who called to say my new contacts were in . I 'd forgotten I was down to my last box and had run out before ordering so I 'm wearing my old prescription at the moment which I kept as a back up . Things are a little fuzzy around the edges but it isn 't too bad . Anyway I drove into town , picked my lenses up and returned home . I had assumed that as the optician had called to say my lenses were in he had checked them so imagine my surprise when I opened the box to find the wrong lenses in the wrong prescription . So another trip into town later I come away with a deep apology and a week 's supply of free lenses to keep me going until they can sort it out . Maybe it was because I had my best ' don 't fuck with me ' face on but I can highly recommend Boots opticians for the speedy resolution to a problem . So I am off to the Brompton tomorrow for a check up and to discuss recent events . They are also organising a letter so I am going to be armed to the teeth come Saturday . I have an early appointment so I hope to be back in time to write another blog but if I 'm not then there will be a hum dinger of one one Tuesday . I have had numerous messages sending good wishes and advice . I thank you all for that and will try to reply to you individually once the storm has blown over . Out of it all there were two pieces that I am currently mulling over and using as a raft to cling to , one is ' don 't let the bastards get you down ' the other is ' don 't get mad , get even ' a bit of a tough call that one at the moment . Be assured though that suicide will never be an option for me . I have always viewed suicide as a cowards way out and I may be many things but a coward I am not , well OK , I am a bit of a coward when it comes to needles . And spiders . And heights but overall I am not cowardly by nature . I won 't say there haven 't been times when I haven 't considered it because I 'd be lying but it is not for me , I 'm going to have to wait for nature to take it 's course . I thought I was in luck last night when I thought for about five minutes that I was having a heart attack . I felt a sudden crushing pain , felt sick and broke out in a sweat . Unfortunately the episode passed and I live to face another day . I can 't say I 'm not disappointed as dying of a stress related heart attack two days later would probably the best ' up yours ' I could hope to get but I 'm going to have to think of another way , such is life . Talking of which isn 't it funny that you can be clinging desperately to any hope one minute and then be wishing it would all just stop the next . So how am I ? Well still seething basically , I have had about three hours sleep since Sunday night , I managed a couple of blissful hours of oblivion on the settee last night . Every now and then white fury rolls in but it is not constant as it was yesterday . I 'm having bouts of palpitations , almost certainly stress related , and the knot in my stomach means I haven 't eaten properly for days . To top it all my breathing is terrible , again I suspect because of the stress . I 've set about thinking why I have taken this one thing so badly when every thing else that has happened in the last six months or so have rolled off me like water on a duck 's back . Even the transplant fiasco didn 't hit me this hard , yes I had a cry and a couple of days feeling miserable but nothing compared to this . I can only assume that this last event was the step to far , the final straw , the catalyst that brought everything to the surface . And boy did it surface and is still doing so . Today my main priority to to try and calm down . I am due for a check up at the Brompton on Friday and in my current state it is unlikely to go well . If I can get some sleep it will be a bonus . I began to think that maybe it was time to start lowering the barriers , let others in . PH is a lonely illness at the best of times and I figured I needed as much support as I could get but what happened ? The minute I did so they set about destroying me , I 've never been so hurt and humiliated . And I am so angry I am even scaring myself . Even being turned down for transplant didn 't hurt as much as this and why ? Because that decision was made by strangers this was done by people I looked up to , people I though cared , people I thought were on my side , people I though I could turn too when the chips were down , people I took a risk on and let in . The anguish I feel is overwhelming , gradually every piece of me is being taken away and with each loss I am in agony . So I 'm rebuilding my barriers , pulling down the shutters and retreating to lick my wounds and mend my protective shell . Things will now be kept within the family and only the family . I don 't even know if I can bring myself to continue this blog anymore . I cried at first long and hard , so hard my ribs still ache this morning then the anger came . It is intense and destructive and so far shows no signs of abating . It kept me awake all night and has robbed me of the little appetite I had . I know I must control it in order to calmly think about what has happened . Over the last few years I have done everything asked of me and more . There have been times when I 've been in such pain I couldn 't breath . There have been times when I could hardly put one foot in front of the other . And there have been times when I 've gone to bed sincerely hoping I didn 't wake up but I 've pulled myself out of bed and been there for them and all I get in return is kicked in the teeth . This is the deepest I have fallen and this time I don 't think I 'm going to be able to crawl back to the top . I might get halfway but then again I might decide it is time to stop fighting and accept that I am swimming an increasingly strong tide . Hi did it , he did it , he did it ! A in Biology , B in Physics and C in Psychology plus an email confirming his place in university . To say I am happy would be a complete understatement . He has worked so hard and waited so long for this and it was all worth it . I haven 't been this thrilled since Laurence got accepted into the Prison Service and I went to his graduation . Now I have another graduation to look forward too . Not sure I 'm going to be quite so thrilled when my credit card starts taking a battering but that will be worth it too . Right feet back on the ground , although I feel better today I 'm still went to see my GP . Being so close to the weekend I 've decided not to take a chance and to get some antibiotics in case things decide to flare up again on Friday evening , which always seems to happen to me . After a through examination she decided that although I didn 't have an infection yet I had a slight wheeze and crackle on one side so has given me antibiotics as a precaution . This is what I like about my GP surgery , they 've begun to see the benefits in prevention rather than cure and as a result I 've had a lot less time off work this year . I was really sad to see that Prince Phillip has been admitted to hospital again . At ninety one I can 't help thinking he needs to ease up on his work load and start taking more care of himself . A lot of people do not like the Royal family , they believe they are free loaders , over privileged and cost us lots of money . I agree that there are some members who really should be given a kick up the backside , I can think of two Princesses for a start . However how many of these wingers would be happy to see themselves or a member of their family still working at that age ? Unlike normal people of their age the Queen and Prince Phillip will never be able to retire . They will literally work until they drop , surely that if nothing else deserves to be admired or at least respected . . Well I did watch Cleopatra right through from start to finish , what a brilliant film , no special effects , no aliens , no foul language , just pure class from start to finish . They really don 't make them like that anymore . This afternoon 's viewing will be less awe inspiring as I will be watching the opening episode of Celebrity Big Brother . I always watch the opening show to see if there really are any celebrities in it and as I will be doing the ironing at the same time I wanted something I didn 't have to think to much about . I decided to record it to get rid of all the annoying adverts , they could easily cut two hours down to one if they didn 't put in an ad break between each reveal . The other reason is because I am watching an absolutely brilliant serial on BBC2 at the moment called Vexed . It is a sort of comedy / drama about two police detectives who don 't get along . The characters are a bit formulaic but it is well written and quite funny in places . Worth a look if you get the chance 9pm BBC2 Wednesdays . Well as I said I have ironing and things to do before work tomorrow . At the moment I feel I am well enough to go so expect the next blog in four days . If however a blog appears tomorrow you 'll know that things are not quite what they should be . Andrew was going into London with some mates for a party and I was originally told that he wouldn 't be in for lunch , hence our plan to go out for a pub lunch . However he then announced that he wasn 't leaving until half past one so would be in for lunch . So we had a hastily made curry instead . The we decided that as half the day had gone we would put our plans on hold and celebrate today instead . Andrew wasn 't expected back until late afternoon . So we got our shopping and chores out of the way first and I was treated to a bottle of expensive perfume in John Lewis . We arrived home to a deserted house and settled in for a quiet night , possibly with a DVD and maybe even a glass of wine or two . I was even thinking take away as a rare treat then the door bell rang and standing on the doorstep was Andrew . Apparently some of the people at this party were not the type of people many would want to be around . He didn 't say anything but I got the impression that drugs might have been involved , so he decided to leave before things got out of hand and come home . Disappointing for him and frustrating for us but I 'd rather he come home that get involved in something that might affect his future . Today several things have conspired against us . Firstly Andrew being home but he doesn 't mind us going out and has said he will make his own lunch . Then the weather , any chance of taking pictures in the countryside are well and truly off due to rain and high winds . Finally there is me , I 'm having a bad day , a really , really bad day . Although my lungs are clear I 'm having difficulty breathing and , although I haven 't eaten a thing , I feel really full and bloated and anything I swallow make me feel even worse . I 'm hoping it is just an off day but I 've made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow just in case it is another infection brewing . Quite often the next day I 'll feel as though nothing happened and if that is the case I will cancel , as seeing my GP twice in four days is a little bit much , even for me . In the news it seems the ticket fiasco that dogged the Olympics is now causing problem for the Paralympics too . It seems that if you want to attend and are in a wheelchair you will have to sit on your own is the designated wheelchair area while you family will have to sit else where in the arena , and that could be right over the other side . If you are severely disabled one person may be allowed to sit with you , I 've no idea what they class as ' severely disabled ' , to me being in a wheelchair is disabled enough isn 't it ? So how are these wheelchair bound spectators meant to get to the toilets , get a drink , alert someone that they are not feeling well or take their medications ? Can I just remind you we are talking about disabled people going to watch disabled people here , crazy ! I 've no doubt this situation will be swiftly resolved once the public outcry alerts the powers that be what idiots they are being but it shouldn 't need an outcry to point this out . These are games for disabled people surely they expected disable people to want to go and watch . I still haven 't heard from Papworth regarding my ' urgent ' referral . Maybe they are hoping I pop my clogs before they get round to me . Sometimes it really feels as though that is the reason for all the delays . So I 've fired off another email to my specialists at the Brompton to ask what the hell is going on . It is not their fault , they did exactly what they promised . I 'm reluctant to phone Papworth myself as I don 't know who to shout at , and I don 't want to get myself in their bad books before I even see them by getting myself classed as an awkward patient . It is all very frustrating . In fact I 'd even class it as cruel . If they are going to turn me down I 'd rather know now than wait the six months it took Harefield to do the same . It was our 29th wedding anniversary yesterday but unfortunately Peter had to work so we are celebrating today instead . We are spending the whole day together doing fun things such a taking a long lazy lunch at a country pub and if the weather holds a stroll somewhere with our cameras . So excuse this blog for being a little shorter than usual . Laurence came to stay over the weekend as promised but I didn 't see much of him . I got home at 6 . 30 and he was away at 8 pm for a night out with his mates , I was in bed by the time he came in . We did manage a nice meal together before he went out though and had a nice chat over breakfast on Sunday morning . Still it was nice to have him around again even if it was only briefly . My knees are going down but the bruising has spread so I look like I 'm wearing a couple of sweat bands around them . A trip to the doctor revealed low blood pressure so I 've been given advice to not stand for long periods and to be careful getting up from a sitting or lying position . I have an appointment to see the Brompton next week so I 'll mention it to them , it could be that my meds need adjusting again . Although the Olympics have ended they are not out of the news yet as the BBC seems reluctant to let go . Our news bulletins were full of pictures of hung over athletes gathering at Heathrow to fly home . I wonder how long it will be before the euphoria wears off ? In other news more details are emerging in the Tia Sharp case . It appears she might have been smothered before being hidden in the loft . By all accounts this roof space was blazing hot and we all know that heat accelerates decomposition so how come no one smelt her during the initial searches ? It could be that this was a Shannon Matthews situation that went wrong or her body was moved , hence the arrest of the neighbour . Of course the most pressing question is why she was killed and I doubt very much that Stuart Hazell will ever tell us the real reason . What I found curious is that , despite his picture being shown on every news bulletin and splashed across countless newspapers , when he appeared in court by video link we got a court drawing . That seems to be a case of closing the barn door after the horse has bolted to me , I mean what was the point ? For those that don 't know or don 't remember Shannon went missing aged eight sparking a huge search and offers of large rewards for her safe return . However her mother 's acting skills were not up to much and police got suspicious . Shannon was found twenty days later hidden and drugged in the storage space of a double bed at her uncle 's house . Shannon was taken into care and mother and uncle jailed . The pair cooked up the plan of the uncle suddenly ' finding ' Shannon and claiming the reward which they 'd split between them . I cannot imagine anyone would copy such a stupid plan but there are some very stupid people about and to be fair neither Stuart Hazell or Tia 's grandmother look very bright . The news that really excited me though is the discovery of two , or possibly more , pyramids in the Egyptian dessert . Not everyone is enamored by Google but this time their Google Earth cameras seem to have come up trumps by discovering something that is invisible from the ground . As a lover of everything Ancient Egyptian I am beside myself and cannot wait for these discoveries to be examined by archaeologists . They have obviously lain undiscovered for thousands of years so there is a good chance that if they are pyramids they will be intact . Maybe their contents will top those of Tutankhamen . And who is in them ? We know that lots of Pharaohs have not been discovered , could we soon be adding a few more to our list ? if you want to see these amazing pictures for yourself just follow the link . http : / / news . sky . com / story / 971892 / two - new - pyramids - found - on - google - earth Over the last two weeks I 've watched , in no particular order , tennis , boxing gymnastics , running , cycling , swimming , BMX , canoing , kayaking , shooting , archery , mountain biking , pentathlon , decathlon , heptathlon , long jump , high jump , triple jump , marathon and diving . At each event I was on the edge of my seat willing Team GB to come away with a medal and by an large they did . I 'd rush home form work each night and sit watching until forced to bed by Peter . I 'd avidly read every word in the papers the next day and constantly checked the medals table to see how we were doing . While I watched the opening ceremony with a sense of dread , vowing it would be the only thing I 'd be watching I slowly got drawn in as the medals started to arrive . Last night I sat down in eager anticipation and a sense of sadness that what was to come would be magnificent but also the final breathes of a wonderful event . I must say it didn 't disappoint and was a wacky as the opening ceremony , if not slightly more so . To be honest the first half hour was , well boring and slightly confusing but it soon picked up . I loved the fact that the loudest singing was to Eric Idle 's ' Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life ' . I was amused at Boris Johnson , London 's mayor , bopping away enthusiastically to the Spice Girls , though I must admit to a secret longing for one of them to fall off the top of her taxi . George Michael was a surprise and John Lennon was very fitting , and really should have been the last song . It was a little spooky having John and Freddie Mercury appearing in digital form but both represented the talent we have lost while Jessie J and her mates showed all too clearly that the ability to sing is no longer needed to be a pop star . My one grip was letting Jessie perform with Queen , Queen songs require a powerful but melodious voice not a screeching banshee . Tom Jones , George Michael or even Meatloaf would have been better . There were the weird bits of course , a giant octopus for one , Russell Brand for another , though he was quite good , and Del and Rodney as Batman and Robin , though I suspect that bit was lost on our foreign visitors . And Darcy Bussell on fire flying into the arena . Thankfully Paul McCartney was shelved this time but we got Roger Daltry instead . He was better but only slightly . Now it is all over and the cauldron is now dark and silent . Do they light it again for the Paralympics I wonder ? They must do , mustn 't they ? Only another two weeks until we find out . There will be less coverage , though I don 't see why that should be , but I will be rushing home again each night to see how we are doing . So what was my favourite , most defining moment of the games ? Well it has to be Andy Murray winning the tennis , not just because I am a fan but because he over came a personal stumbling block called Roger Federer and has finally silenced his doubters , well most of them anyway . Next year 's Wimbledon could be very different as Murray goes into it as the Olympic champion , and hopefully with renewed confidence . Tom Daley came a very close second . This week the excitement was provided by . . . me ! I took a bit of a tumble in the locker room and couldn 't get up . One minute I was opening my locker to put my stuff away , the next I was on the floor with all my stuff scattered around me . I sat for a moment contemplating my situation and realised I was stuck as there was nothing for me to hang on to on which I could pull myself up . I waited for a while hoping someone would come in but being six on a Saturday evening it was a forlorn hope so I had to phone my office to summon help . And boy did help come , I immediately heard footsteps and voices shouting as two of my colleagues burst into the room . I felt such a fool . After making sure I was OK I was hauled to my feet by one of my male colleagues and escorted to my car in case I went over again . Looking back it was hilarious but I 'm slightly worried as I don 't remember what happened . I have swellings the size of eggs on both knees which are a fetching shade of purple and a large bruise on my hip so I obviously hit the floor hard . I will be calling the doctor to get myself checked out . In the news no one can have missed or be moved by the murder of Tia Sharp . I hate to say this but I had Stuart Hazell pegged from the moment I saw him . It is nearly always a family member or someone close to the family that ends up being the offender . Is the grandmother involved ? Well I really cannot see how she didn 't know something was wrong . My guess is both will eventually be charged and hopefully locked up for life . While I am writing this I am waiting for a phone call from Andrew . He went to a party at a friends house and elected to spend the night so he could have a drink or two . A wise move I 'm sure you 'll agree but annoying when you 've been up since seven waiting for a call that still hasn 't come two hours later . Had a very interesting postbag this morning . Firstly my results came back from the Warfarin clinic saying I don 't have to see them again until October 16th , that 's ten whole weeks . For a needle phobic there really couldn 't be much better news . The second letter is from the Brompton asking me to go in and see my consultant in two weeks . This is a bit of a surprise as I wasn 't meant to see him again until the end of September . Now of course I 'm worrying that he may have bad news to tell me and doesn 't want to do it over the phone . I 'm not sure what I 'm going to do if Papworth have said no . I am back to full working order and have had two days of normal meals without any problems so I 'm planning a return to work tomorrow . In a strange way I 'm rather looking forward to it , it will take my mind off my appointment for a start . Being home on your days off are usually enjoyable and because of this you can never pack in everything you want to do in . Being home because you are ill is not fun at all especially when the house is full of noise , dust and strange smells and you are banned from the bathroom for long periods of time . So today is going to be a day of getting ready in between watching TV . To be fair I had already washed and ironed my work stuff ages ago so all I need to do is make sure Andrew and Peter don 't starve while I 'm at work . I usually make a couple of tubs of pasta sauce ( different ones of course ) and pop them in the fridge , then all they have to do is boil up some pasta and blast the sauce in the microwave . Of late though Andrew has experimented with cooking bacon , eggs and sausages . He says he is practicing for uni , which is good , but a vegetable or two won 't go amiss . Haven 't we done well , several records broken , the best ever haul of medals in an Olympics and still five days to go . No wonder other countries are looking at us as if something strange is happening . Great Britain has become used to being the nearly man , ' nearly ' winning Wimbledon , ' nearly ' winning football etc , etc and suddenly we are leaving everyone else behind . If we are so good at all these other sports isn 't it time we saw more of them on mainstream TV ? Talking of seeing more on mainstream TV , are the paralympics going to get as much coverage as the main event ? I certainly think they should , after all have the athletes taking part worked any less hard ? Or might they just have worked that little bit harder ? In the news , new pictures of the Loch Ness Monster . Having done the maths this poor creature must about three hundred years old by now . I have to admit the new picture is very convincing but photography is no longer the medium that doesn 't lie . Now I 'm not saying the photograph has been manipulated but making it public at the height of the tourist season seems just a little too fortuitous to me . Well the trip to the warfarin clinic was unusually short and sweet this morning . My bottom had barely brushed the seat when my name was called . I mentioned how few people were in compared to my last visit and was told by a rather world weary nurse that it was the ' Olympics effect ' . Apparently outpatients appointments are being cancelled left , right and center because people would rather be watching the sport than sitting in a smelly clinic waiting to be jabbed . Who 'd have thought it ! On the down side the minute the Olympics finish the clinic is going to be over run . I hope my appointment is another ten week one , I suspect September will be hell . Had a phone call from Laurence last night . He was asking if it were all right for him to sleep over on Saturday as he is planning to hit the town with his mates and didn 't want to travel all the way back to his . Of course I am delighted to have him back under my roof again , even if it is for just one night . I 'm getting excited already . It seems our medal success has provoked a bit of moaning from our French and Australian cousins who are finding it hard to believe how good we are in certain events . The Australians sound positively shell shocked and are blaming their poor showing on the fact that most of their coaches have been lured abroad to take charge of their rivals . Meanwhile the French have hinted at possible cheating going on , especially in the cycling events . The French representatives deny they are accusing us of using drugs but are miffed that Team GB cover their bike wheels at the end of events . This is not unusual as many teams do the same but the French don 't like it . What a shame ! I was so pleased to read about this story in the paper this morning . This is the story of an unemployed graduate who , as part of the governments new ' Back To Work ' programme was told to attend work experience at Poundland for a few weeks . Now before I go any further this scheme only applies to those classed as long term unemployed , and this woman had been out of work for going on two years . In a fit of pique she claimed that the scheme was akin to slavery and breached her human rights and promptly took the government to court . What she actually meant was that she considered working in Poundland beneath her . Yesterday her case was thrown out of court , brilliant ! Yes the DWP were found to be at fault for not making things clearer in their correspondence about the scheme , but then when have the DWP been clear about anything . However in the DWP 's defense , many are sick to death of paying taxes just so perfectly healthy human beings can live on benefits doing absolutely nothing to earn them . I for one welcome such schemes and to be fair anyone claiming money from the public purse should comply with any conditions applied to it . In other news NASA are going crazy celebrating the safe landing of their Rover on the surface of Mars . Now although an exciting event it isn 't really up there with the great achievements of all time is it . In 1969 we landed a man on the moon , I know I watched it , and Concorde took its first flight , and in 1981 the first space shuttle was launched . All three involved technology that is no longer available to us , most due to cost . Each one , in my opinion , is a far greater achievement than the landing of a mini on Mars . I am venturing out today for a brief shopping trip . Now that Andrew is back on form we are being eaten out of house and home again so the cupboards need some serious stocking up . Of course now the dust from his holiday and illness has settled his thoughts are turning to university and I 'm detecting a slight show of nerves . He keeps talking about clearing as though he expects to have to go through it . He 's also mentioned getting a job for a year and resiting his exams with the intention of trying again next year . I 'm hoping it is all just nerves but if it isn 't then I 'll be here for him . Yes it was an amazing achievement but others won gold this weekend apart from Jessica Ennis . I don 't wish to put her down in anyway , it is not her fault , but she is only one of many medal winners this weekend so why is she the only one to be constantly on the front pages of our newspapers . I find the fact that other winners are being ignored very rude and frankly insulting . Could it possibly be because she is not only a great athlete but is also pretty , when some of the other winners are less photogenic ? I do hope the obsession with looks is not encroaching its way into sport as well . This question was put by one of the columnists in my paper this morning and it is one that is worth debating . For too long now the vacuous , plastic world of ' celebrity ' has been at the fore front of our children 's ambitions . Most think that the way to becoming famous and earning pots of money is to appear on a reality show or marry a footballer . This of course requires no effort as long as you have a pretty face and a self obsession of terrifying proportions . The Olympics are showing youngsters that there are other ways to the top but will they take up the challenge ? The people we see on the podiums day after day have worked hard since very young for their brief moment of glory and this is where we reach a sticking point . Most of today 's youngsters don 't want to work hard for something , they expect it to fall into their lap . So will we see an increased uptake of sport ? Yes I expect we will for a while then the reality will set in and all but a few will go back to playing video games , eating crisps and dreaming of being old enough to apply for Big Brother . Sad but true . I was in the queue with my trolley of approx thirty items when this business type woman came behind me with just two items so , as I have done many times before , I asked her if she wanted to go ahead of me , which she did . She then left without a word of thanks , just paid and left . Even the girl working on the checkout commented on how rude the woman had been . Apart from being angry I was really shocked . I 've let every sort of person past me , some who look as though they 'd rip your head off soon as look at you , and all have said thanks . And yet a respectable looking , suited woman in her mid forties totally ignored me . No wonder people are so horrible to each other when even those you expect to be polite can 't be bothered . Unfortunately she has made me think twice about making this gesture in the future . I probably still will but if you are a business woman in a suit expect to be ignored . Well I 've gone from not caring about the Olympics , and being slightly miffed that all my favourite programmes have either been moved or stopped altogether , to ' wow ' in the space of one evening . Yes I 've been pleased when hearing about our sports people winning medals , and I did watch Murray storm to the final and a guaranteed silver but I 've been fairly unmoved up to now . Like most of the nation I was on the edge of my seat watching Mo Farrar last night and our planned film night went down the drain yet again . I can officially announce I am feeling a lot , lot better . I managed my first proper meal yesterday and enjoyed every morsel . I 'm going for something a little more substantial today and I 'm eating fruit by the bucket load . I 'm still having the odd wobbly moment , which is a bit strange , but on the whole I 've got my old zing back . Of course now that I 'm feeling better I 've got all the jobs I 've put off facing me and foremost is a pile of bedding and towels to be washed and dried . I did the ironing yesterday , well most of it , but by tonight there will be another pile waiting in the wings . Still I have four days to catch up so I don 't need to go for it hammer and tongs . Talking of Andrew his rash has cleared up nicely and had been reduced to a few spots here and there . We are all very relieved not least that neither Peter or myself caught it . I 'm giving it one more day and then he is going to get a great big hug . We are at the mid point and we haven 't been attacked in any shape or form . Now it might be that the sight of an aircraft carrier in the Thames is enough to put off the most determined terrorist but I doubt it . Although it is good to be careful , and in this day and age security is a must , I 'm now wondering if we have gone just a little bit overboard . We have rocket launchers on top of tower blocks for goodness sake . Do the powers that be really think an attack is going to be as obvious as someone trying to fly a plane into the stadium ? Any terrorist , or loan nutter , as there are plenty of them about too , worth his salt will not be an obvious source of threat . Let 's face it , you walk in with ' I am a terrorist ' on your tee shirt you are going to find yourself in a cell being strip searched before you can draw breathe . If an attack comes it will be carried out by the most normal looking person in the building but with a bit of luck the second half of the games will be as peaceful as the first . Before I finish OW I just want to point out how sad some people really are . We have had a fantastic week of sport . Sports that are never normally seen on British TV are being shown and vast numbers are watching them . However after the best day of the games for Team GB so far , six golds , there are still people saying that their whole weekend is ruined because the football team are out of the competition . I am speechless . Do you remember me saying a few blogs back how delighted I was to find a pair of original wooden Scholls . Well I 've fallen out of love with them big time after one slipped off my foot yesterday and clouted me on the ankle then caused immense pain as I stepped on it sideways . The bruise is a sight to see and my foot still aches . I don 't remember doing that in my twenties . For five glorious minutes this morning I considered going into work as I felt really well . However this idea was swiftly sat on by Peter who has told me that work is out of the question until I 've had a day of eating proper meals . He is right of course and often steps in to save me from myself . So today I 'm making a determined effort to try and eat normally . You know what it is like though , you just start feeling really well and want to keep that feeling and so food sort of becomes the enemy . You know that eating might make you feel ill again so you start avoiding it . Now I love my food , always have , so this is a worrying development but one I 'm not going to let take hold . Finally heard from the Brompton regarding my transplant referral . They are disgusted that I still haven 't heard from Papworth and are going to do some chasing for me . I am to let them know if I still haven 't heard anything by the end of next week . I have found a new ally in the road back to normality , watermelon ! This stuff is ideal , it is light , tasty , not acidic and full of liquid and is going down a treat . I 've eaten at least half of a whacking big one already and Peter only brought it home at tea time last night . Today I am planning my first proper meal , a light pasta with a delicate tomato sauce , minus the garlic and chilli 's I normally add . If I can keep that down I know I 'm on to a winner . Andy Murray is guaranteed at least a silver medal after beating Djokovic in the semi 's yesterday . I am ecstatic ! He will be meeting Federer in a final yet again , time for revenge I wonder ? The only thing I can find to complain about today is the banning of Pimms at Wimbledon . Why ? Because they manufacturers are not official sponsors of course , pathetic isn 't it . There are still empty seats but not so many now as spares are now being sold nightly online and for as low as a fiver , now if they had only done this from the start we wouldn 't have had any empty seats at all . Andrew 's rash has all but disappeared overnight . He 's gone from looking like a smallpox victim to your average acned teenager in a matter of hours . He even managed to have a shower , a great relief for all , which he has been unable to do up to now as his skin was so sore . Isn 't it typical , the moment I start feeling better the heavens open and the rain starts pouring and an afternoon on the decking with a good book has been shelved . So I 'm looking at another afternoon of slobbing in front of the TV but fed up with doing absolutely nothing I 'm going to combine watching with ironing , not too much , but a small start on the mountain that has built up over the last week , yes I can tell Andrew is back . I have been ordered not to touch the bathroom , an order I can easily obey as polishing grout off tiles is hardly my favourite occupation . In the news the mother of Mark Duggan , whose death sparked last years riots , is claiming he was ' assassinated ' by police . How ridiculous a statement is that , and how irresponsible . Her comments are stirring up ' feelings ' in those who would like nothing better than another excuse for more civil unrest . An excuse this women is plainly handing to them on a plate by advertising a memorial service for Duggan on Sunday as though he were some hero . Now I am not going to say his death wasn 't sad and I am not going to say the police get it right all the time but in this case I don 't believe they had much choice . Duggan was a serial offender who was known for violence , he refused to cooperate with the police and had in his possession a gun which despite warnings he refused to put down and repeatedly pointed at police . Yes the death shouldn 't have happened but Duggan was not the total innocent in all this and at least partially contributed to his own death . Hero he definitely is not . Well I 've now moved on to tomato soup and banana 's , not together you understand . Again small amounts but I 'm picking up on the frequency . I 'm still a bit nauseous if I 've eaten too much but mostly everything has settled down nicely . I really fancied a cheese sandwich around five yesterday evening and took an hour to pluck up courage to try half of one . Not a bad reaction but I think I might wait another day before trying a full one . The tea is interspersed with barely there blackcurrant squash and I 've started on the Complan again to try and give myself a bit of a boost as I 'm still incredibly wobbly . I dared to weigh myself this morning and was pleased to see I 've only lost five pounds but it still means another up hill battle to put the weight back on . Unfortunately good news is almost always accompanied by bad and cyclists Victoria Pendleton and Jess Varnish were disqualified from the inaugural women 's team sprint for an illegal change during their second - round contest with Ukraine . What a shame , cycling was one of the events we were almost guaranteed medals in . There was also controversy surrounding the mens win after the youngest of the group implied he 'd fallen off deliberately to force a restart when the he didn 't get off quickly enough on the first attempt . This has now been dismissed as a misunderstanding and ' language problems ' as Philip Hindes has only been learning English for a couple of years . Even so there is a slight taint to the win now and if anyone really does fall off in the early stages of a race in future they are likely to be looked at very carefully . Andrew is looking better , the rash is not so red or sore and his throat is completely fine now , thank goodness for that . Now he can talk he is chattering on about his holiday and has shown us some pictures . I 'd never thought of Bulgeria as a holiday destination but it is so beautiful , and has lots to see and do apparently . However it is not disabled friendly , lots of stairs and steps , cobbled roads and very little of it is flat . Maybe one for after the transplant then . Talking of which despite several emails and messages left on answer phones there has not been a peep out of the Brompton . A fellow PH sufferer has given me the number of the PALS admin person to get in touch with which I will be doing today . I must say though it is unusual for my PH team not to get back to me within a day or two , they are usually very good . Another PH sufferer has advised I also contact Papworth 's transplant team to see what is going on . I don 't feel I can do that yet though as I haven 't had it confirmed that my referral has gone though . It is all highly frustrating I must say . I am finding it hard to find news stories worth discussing at the moment . The Olympics are all consuming and very little other news is getting through . This is another thing I do not like about the way the media , the BBC in particular , are covering the games . I keep missing things I want to see because they will give a time but not a channel . Or they will give such a large time range that you can 't watch all the way through and quiet often they cut what you are watching to move to something else . It is very irritating . Now I appreciate that there is a lot going on and it is very difficult to show everything but if they have started a particular competition they should at least stick with it until the final stages . In desperation I have switched to other channels in the hope of finding out what is going on beyond London at the moment but they are all equally obsessed and real news is now confined to a five minute round up at the end . What did catch my eye was the report that Kofi Annan has given up on his attempts to broker peace in Syria . If Kofi Annan gives up on you , you know you are in trouble . At least the weather is getting a rest , it being our usual national obsession . I am feeling so much better today . Still wobbly on my feet and as weak as a kitten but better . I have stuck to white toast , tea . porridge and plain potato mash but it has all stayed down which is reassuring . I 've even managed to take my warfarin again , something which was just not happening Monday and Tuesday . We got GOLD ! At last ! And not just one but two . Well done Heather , Helen and Bradley . Let 's hope this is the start of a golden shower . For other countries the news was not so good as three Badminton teams were kicked out of the Olympics for cheating , well sort of . China , South Korea and Indonesia all saw their womens teams kicked out after some very dodgy play in last night 's events . So what did they actually do ? Well as I understand it they tried to manipulate the play offs by throwing matches in order to get a more favourable draw in the next round . Each team decided they did not want to meet their own countries in the play offs as that would mean only one team from their country going higher . Not actually cheating but certainly a manipulation of the contest by anyones standards . They are appealing of course but I doubt they have much chance of returning to the competition . It is such a shame that athletes or their countries , for I have no doubt the idea came from further up the feeding chain , feel they have to resort to such tactics to do well . And would they ever really be happy with the win knowing how it was gained ? Andrew 's rash is not only spreading but getting worse . His hands are so sore he hasn 't been able to unpack yet . On the plus side his throat has all but cleared up and he is tucking in to anything he can get his teeth around like there is no tomorrow . I 've been carefully examining my hands and feet for early signs but so far I appear to have been successful in avoiding it , whatever it is . I 'm still thinking allergic reaction to something as he feels fine in himself and as it is his hands and face that are mostly affected I 'm thinking a contact allergy rather than something he 's swallowed . The lovely Japanese couple are going abroad for four years because of work commitments so they have rented their house out and the new couple appear to be moving in today . I haven 't seen anyone yet but there are lots of vans arriving and departing and strange cars parked outside . I hope they are nice people , we have been very lucky with our neighbours so far and I 'm really hoping this new lot won 't break the trend . Peter is in work for the next couple of days so Andrew has been given orders not to let me over do it so it is another day in front of the TV . At least I 've now moved from bed to settee so a definite improvement . Andrew is still keeping his distance but we can sit in the same room and talk now even if it is in chairs on opposite sides of the room . . Still heard nothing from Papworth regarding the transplant assessment so I 've fired off an email to the Brompton to ask them to chase . It appears an ' urgent ' referral must mean something different in hospital circles than to us mere mortals . It is so unfair that ill people are kept waiting and stressed out all the time by those that are meant to be helping us . If I ruled the NHS , grrrr ! Andrew is not allergic to penicillin but the rash is linked to the virus he 's picked so he is now taking antivirals as well . He looks a mess today but assures me he is feeling better and he has been able to swallow some solid food at last . He is still keeping as far away from me as possible to the extent of talking to me from the corridor rather than coming into the bedroom and sitting on the bed as he 'd normally do . It is very considerate but also very sad . I am now able to drink and keep down tea . Anything else comes back up immediately so I 'm sticking with tea for today so at least I 'll get my hydration back up to normal . I 've also managed to keep down my anti sickness tablet so when that kicks in I 'm hoping for a vast improvement . My problem is that I tread such a fine line between sick and not sick with my meds than any sickness bug sends me right over the edge and it take ages to gain back my equilibrium . I think I 'm going to have to throw in the towel with this one and forget about work altogether until I can get my stomach settled again . As for my weight gain well from the way my PJ 's are hanging off me I 'm guessing I 'm going to have to start the battle from scratch as I think I 'm even lighter now than when I started the first time . How frustrating is that ? I have very little to say on this matter today as I haven 't been keeping up with news or papers over the last day or two . I have had the TV on in the bedroom for most of the day though and have seen more of the games than I ever intended to . I enjoyed the women 's gymnastics , such as shame there was no medal . This blog is essentially so that my widely scattered family and friends can keep up with all that is happening since I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 . If reading because you also have PH or know someone who does , I hope this blog will show that it is possible to enjoy life with a serious illness . I also hope it will offer some support and information along the way . Since starting this blog I have now been accepted on the list for transplant . Take careHazel I have been married for 28 years and have two strapping sons . I am small but universally described as scary , determined and tenacious . Diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 I am generally an optimist and believe everything happens for a reason .
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Although the summer has been wet , the wettest in one hundred years apparently , it has still been warm . So imagine my surprise this morning when I woke up , threw the covers back and immediately broke out in goose pimples . The first thing I did was grab my dressing gown , the second shut the window and then it was downstairs to stare in disbelief at the temperature gauge . 8 . 5C at 0830 in the morning , surely a mistake , I haven 't seen figures that low since May . I 've had to dig out my slipper socks from the back of the drawer and find a cardigan to slip over my normal tee shirt . I hope this isn 't a hint of things to come , a long , cold winter is the last thing we need . I am currently on the hunt for kitties . Not for me but for Laurence who has requested a pair for his birthday . I decided to go for a rescue cats and so I rang up the Cats Protection League and quickly ran into more bureaucracy than I ever thought possible . I rang my local branch in Bedfordshire who point blank refused to deal with me because I was in a different county to my son . I was given the number of the Northampton branch and so I tried them . They refused to deal with me because my son lives in Rushden and I was given the number for the Wellingborough and Rushden branch . All the numbers are premium numbers by the way so I 'd spent about two pounds so far and not actually discussed the adoption yet so it was with some trepidation I picked up the phone and dialed again . This time I got hold of a fiercely efficient sounding woman who barked questions at me . The fact that Laurence had grown up with cats elicited a ' good ' from her , he works long shifts a ' hum ' . After about ten minutes of interrogation I was finally asked what I was looking for . Two males , preferably brothers , preferably under one year old , and preferably either black or grey in colour . We are in luck , there are several litters on their books at the moment and she is sure at least one litter has grey kittens . I then made the mistake of asking when we could see them . I couldn 't believe it , when I got our two , OK it was fourteen years ago , all I had to do was sign a contract saying that if things didn 't work out I 'd return them to the CPL . Now it seems the cat has to chose us , not the other way around . Fortunately Laurence is quite happy with this arrangement so I 've passed his number onto the CPL so they can do the negotiations , I 'll just end up footing the bill , again ! Much to my chagrin I have been banned from the actual ' choosen a kitten ' process . Laurence let me down as gently as he could . ' You know what you 're like Mum . You go for the smallest runt because you don 't think anyone else will pick them . Then you end up with a Pepper or a Tarmac . I don 't want mental cases so I 'll chose them , you can see them when I have already picked the tow I want . ' One last word on the subject , I was asked if the garden was enclosed with high fences , I said yes because it is . It was only when I put the phone down that I realised the stupidity of what I 'd been asked . These are cats , a fence is no object . How bazaar ! Well we 've already got our first two golds and spattering of silver and bronze to go with them . I can 't say I 'm as gripped as I was with the Olympics but when it does grip me I look on with awe . The outstanding athlete for me yesterday was the Chinese swimmer who won gold . This lady has no arms and swims like a dolphin . I wouldn 't even get in the water in her condition for fear of drowning . It just goes to show that if you are determined enough you can do anything no matter what obstacles are put in your way . I have finally received my appointment for Papworth . It is on the 24th September , the exact date we 'd penciled in for our get away . So once again plans have to be changed or cancelled , let 's hope this time it is worth it . I started on the shower curtain yesterday . Well I got the material our of the bag . This afternoon I plan to get the sewing machine out , you never know I might even use it . Yesterday afternoon we braved the weather and went out to do our shopping , I wasn 't feeling 100 % so I took my wheelchair with me but soon realised that maybe it would have been better to stay at home . Wheelchairs , rain and puddles just don 't mix . I got soaked . The bathroom is all but finished , I 've got to pull my finger out and make the new blind and the shower curtain . There is still the question over the flooring , we still haven 't found anything remotely suitable as yet but there isn 't any real hurry . OK the tiles don 't quite match the new colour scheme and after a through scrubbing and blast with the power washer they 've come up a shade lighter but , they are still in good condition so will do for now . We also need a new mirror but again we are still arguing about shape and size . It is now only three weeks until Andrew leaves for uni and I 'm beginning to have the wobbles . Not only that but there is so much stuff to sort out . Because of his course he needs specialist clothing and although he gets given a uniform he still needs special footwear , and of course there are items such as thermal underwear to get as he will be out and about in all weathers . He also needs to get his own pots and pans and a supply of tinned and dried goods that will suffice as a meal on those days he is too busy or gets in too late to cook . I have already paid out upwards of £ 700 since he got accepted ten days ago and there is more to come . We haven 't even started on the text books he is going to need . It will all be worth it in the end though . He is doing something very worth while and will spend his life saving others , what more can anyone ask for ? And there will be one paramedic in London who fully understands PH and all it 's complications . We are going to bite the bullet and take a short trip abroad after we 've deposited Andrew at his halls . I 'm still grounded so we will go via the channel tunnel but even this is not difficulty free . Eurostar are not too happy with the thought of taking an oxygen cylinder on board , concentrators are fine and they won 't charge but cylinders they don 't seem to like much . They haven 't said an outright no but the cylinders have to be of a certain type and size . Also they only allow two wheelchair users per train and you have to pay a special wheelchair rate which I haven 't looked into yet . The wheelchair spaces are located in premium or business class , you are allowed one companion who will pay a discounted rate , any one else will have to sit in a different part of the train of pay the full rate . It all sounds depressingly familiar , yes we cater for disabled people but we do everything to discourage them that we can . So now we are looking at taking our car so we can carry all the equipment I 'll need in the boot , still not sure if I 'll be allowed to take the oxygen but that is just one of the questions I will need to ask . I feel I need to be removed from everything for a while . I 've had a crap eight months one way or another and in order to save myself from myself and regain my positive outlook I need to take a step back . I can 't do it here as I 'm constantly waiting for that letter , that phone call , keeping on the look out for the next mini disaster or disappointment . By putting myself out of reach I will hopefully be able to relax and enjoy myself . I am sure the not sleeping , not eating and general ' down ' is all because of the enormous stress I 've been under . This trip is a necessity not a treat . What I did see , although not as frenetic as the Olympic version , was just as weird . There were many similarities of course , we still had a self important actor hamming up Shakespeare , only this one looked as though he 'd just stuck his finger in the light socket . We still had the boring speeches , though mercifully not doubled up by being translated into French and we still had the Queen looking , well , miserable to be quite frank . At least we didn 't have the toe curling parachute jump this time . The theme seems to be umbrellas , which was appropriate considering it had bucketed down for most of the day . And we had Stephen Hawking , possibly the most famous disabled person in the entire world . This afternoon I 'm resting and catching up on my soaps . I 'm pretty sure I 've got another chest infection brewing but it might just be that I need to rest . So settee here I come . A lion had been photographed in Essex resulting in the police deploying two helicopters , at enormous expense , several armed officers and half the keepers from a nearby zoo . I have seen the photo and how anyone mistook that for a lion is beyond me , unless of course they 'd had a little drinky or two . The picture shows a bright ginger animal with pointy ears , a flat - ish muzzle and a white bib , lions tend to be beige have rounded fluffy ears , a prominent muzzle and although their bibs are lighter , they are rarely white . I don 't know which ' expert ' this photo was shown to but maybe an eye test might be in order . As it turned out the ' lion ' was later identified as Teddy Bear a Maine Coon . I will allow that Teddy is on the large size even for a Maine but a lion ? I think the residents of St Osyth can rest easy in their beds , until one of them gets eaten of course . Having said all that alerts regarding wild animals are quite common in areas that have nearby zoos or wildlife parks but these alerts are almost always false . Animals do get out though , I know because I 've seen them myself . I 'll never forget my close encounter with a wallaby when walking across the local downs . It is well known locally that a small colony now lives in the area following several escapes and some breeding amongst the escapees . However Wallabies are one thing big cats something entirely different . As much as I 'd love to believe in the ' beast of Bodmin ' etc I can 't see it somehow . A cat that size would eat a lot and so things would go missing . Also , just like Nessie , to still be alive after all this time breeding must be taking place and in theory there must be dozens out there now . Yet the only evidence we have are blurred , grainy photos and videos from cameras mysteriously lacking any form of zoom function . Throughout our lives we all have battles to fight , some are big , some are petty , some are for the good of many and some are for the good of one person , you . The common element in all these battles is that something you hold dear is being threatened . I have never been one to be walked over and have fought many battles and I 've found that the secret to winning is timing . Picking the right battle at the right time is essential , make the mistake of going out with all guns blazing at the wrong moment means you loose , plain and simple . However , despite indications to the contrary , I am a very patient person , time means nothing to me , I wait it out until the time is right . So for now this particular battle has been put on the back burner . There are people , and I thank you all for the emails and messages of support I 've been receiving , who think I should fight , not just for me but for everyone who has or might face a similar situation . Some have even hinted that I am selfish for not doing so . To those people I 'd just like to remind them of the campaigning I did on their behalf , and for myself , to stop NICE withdrawing funding for our much needed medicines . I also took on the airlines to stop them charging hundreds of pounds for in flight oxygen . And before anyone starts shouting , I didn 't do these things by myself , I was part of a team . However I did attend select committees in parliament , I did meet politicians sympathetic to our cause , I did discuss our case on radio and I did appear in newspapers , so I 'm not adverse to fighting my corner . However the other thing about battles is that you can only really fight one at a time . I am already fighting a battle , a battle for the chance to live and , yes it is selfish , but that is the most important battle right now . When that battle has been won then I can look at everything else , but for now I 'm saving my strength and energy . It was decided in a meeting between a GP working for occupational health , HR , and those above me that because I have less oxygen in my blood my ' thought processes ' may not be as quick as those with normal blood oxygen . And because of that I have been prevented from doing the more complex aspects of my work . This decision was made without anyone seeking advice from a PH expert . What is even more annoying this decision hasn 't been made because of anything I 've actually done but in case something happens in the future . Anyone who knows anything about PH or actually has PH will probably understand exactly how I felt on receiving this little bit of news . We all know what it is like to have our condition completely misunderstood , is there anyone with PH who has not been told by someone that they ' only have high blood pressure ' ? I am fortunate that my employers do understand how ill I am and that I do need special consideration . In some ways they have bent over backwards to accommodate me . I will also say in fairness that there are days when I can barely function so they may have a point . However my problem with this decision is that it was done behind my back . If I 'd been included in the meeting , given a chance to put my side of things , even if the outcome had been the same , at least I 'd have had a chance and maybe understood better their reasoning . The most unfortunate outcome of all this is I have lost my trust . I felt comfortable , I was settled and happy and had begun to relax . I know my working life is coming to an end , with my age and my health no new employers would take me on , so I felt lucky that I 'd found somewhere I could end my working life happy and fulfilled . I will now be on my guard , where I once told them everything I will now cherry pick any developments in my condition and will never be as open again . Such a shame . Talking of disappointment I was amazed yesterday when someone who really should know better made fun of me . I was walking through the lobby of my building decked out in my flolan pump and oxygen pack when this bloke who I 've never seen before shouted ' here she comes , our resident ghost buster . ' Now I like to think I 've got a good , if quirky , sense of humour but amused I was not . I gave him the ' death stare ' and continued on my way . If he or anyone else does it again however , they are going to find themselves quickly educated . It is the opening ceremony tonight and I really cannot wait . Having been bowled over by the Olympics I have great hopes for these very special games . Of course there has to be a fly in the ointment and this time it is yet another ticket scandal . Whereas able bodied spectators can book their tickets on a free website , disabled supporters are having to book theirs via a premium rate telephone line . Given that as a whole the disabled are less well off than the able bodied this has been seen as one of the worst forms of discrimination . When challenged the powers that be say that disabled people need to ring in to ensure their particular needs are catered for . Fair enough but if that really is the case why not provide a free line ? There has been a down turn in my condition but not too much , the biggest concern being the two kilos I 've lost since my last visit . I am now officially under seven stones and that is not good . So I 'm back on the Complan , whoop de doop de doo ! The trouble is that I 'm filling myself up on fruit , because that is all I can face , which is very healthy but not very calorific . I have been advised to ' get a bacon butty ' down me with a side order of cheesy chips and do it at least once a day , I want to puke just thinking about it . I 've been referred back to palliative care team to see if they can stop me feeling sick without destroying my appetite . I 'm actually in a catch 22 situation . The drug I take is based on bodyweight so you get a dose specific to how much you weigh . If you put weight on the drug becomes less effective and will need increasing if the weight gain looks long term . If you lose weight then the drug become too strong causing nausea which means you lose more weight and this in turn makes the drug even stronger . I can 't win . They cannot take me off the drug because it is the only thing left and so in effect I 'm slowly starving . I am also showing signs of extreme stress with my blood pressure and pulse up on my normal sedate readings . They already know the cause and are both appalled and upset on my behalf . My consultant gave me a letter and offered to ring up and give the person concerned a telling off but I said the letter would be fine for now . The sad thing is PH is so misunderstood that this sort of event is not a rare occurrence so they are more used to putting idiots in their place than they ought to be . We discussed the transplant situation and the good news is Papworth are willing to assess me and will be sending me out an appointment in the next week or so , where have I heard that one before ? The delay has been caused by Harefield , who have yet to pass on to the Brompton the exact reasons for rejecting me . The Brompton maintain that my heart is in very good condition and after looking over my test results Papworth seem to agree so no one can understand why I was rejected , unless it was a mistake . I don 't even want to go down that path . To cheer me up we stopped on the way home for a mug of tea and a sandwich at my favourite biker cafe , the Ace Cafe in north London . As we sat and chatted I admired the rows of shining machinery parked outside . Unlike car owners who think if you show any interest you are planning to nick the thing , bikers are all to happy to show off their polished chrome and custom painted fuel tanks . As we approached the M1 several police vehicle went whizzing past , we knew all to well what that meant . We caught up with them an hour later as we crawled past the scene of the accident . They were attending a small disagreement between a lorry and a mini bus . No seemed injured though . First a phone call offering a deep apology and the promise that heads will be banged together . Second a fabulous letter written by my outraged and unexpected supporter . I am hoping to look forward to some grovelling next week . When it has all blown over I will fill you in with what happened but for now I want to keep things close to my chest , I hope you understand . I slept better last night though I don 't know whether that was from sheer exhaustion or because the intense pain of the last few days is subsiding . Having said that it might be because the cavalry are now at my back and ready to leap into action if need be . All my barriers are now back in place . It has meant getting rid of some friends that I will miss but I have to think of me for now and I will feel safer not having them around . Yesterdays blog was published about two hours before it was announced that Tony Nicklinson , a victim of ' locked in syndrome ' , had died . Tony and his wife campaigned tirelessly for the right to assisted suicide since his stroke back in 2004 . He died peacefully of pneumonia in the end and the years of further suffering that he dreaded are gone . Clearly when I was talking about suicide being the cowards way out I was not referring to people like Tony , who is probably one of the bravest people I 've ever heard of . More than that he stood up for what he truly believed and will be remembered for the inspiration he gave to others during his long fight for justice . Not only are they forcing him to live on campus but are demanding £ 400 upfront , before he even gets his grant , to secure his room . I said I would pay with some of my savings and he could pay me back when he had the money . When we got onto the website to pay we discovered that they will only accept payment by credit card then had the cheek to charge me £ 6 for the privilege of doing so . Where do these people get off ? Still it is done now and I 've transfered my savings onto my card so I shouldn 't incur any interest . It is lucky for Andrew that he has a parent with a credit card who is able to step in and help but what about the thousands that are not so fortunate ? How do they get through the red tape ? Another minor irritation came in the form of my optician who called to say my new contacts were in . I 'd forgotten I was down to my last box and had run out before ordering so I 'm wearing my old prescription at the moment which I kept as a back up . Things are a little fuzzy around the edges but it isn 't too bad . Anyway I drove into town , picked my lenses up and returned home . I had assumed that as the optician had called to say my lenses were in he had checked them so imagine my surprise when I opened the box to find the wrong lenses in the wrong prescription . So another trip into town later I come away with a deep apology and a week 's supply of free lenses to keep me going until they can sort it out . Maybe it was because I had my best ' don 't fuck with me ' face on but I can highly recommend Boots opticians for the speedy resolution to a problem . So I am off to the Brompton tomorrow for a check up and to discuss recent events . They are also organising a letter so I am going to be armed to the teeth come Saturday . I have an early appointment so I hope to be back in time to write another blog but if I 'm not then there will be a hum dinger of one one Tuesday . I have had numerous messages sending good wishes and advice . I thank you all for that and will try to reply to you individually once the storm has blown over . Out of it all there were two pieces that I am currently mulling over and using as a raft to cling to , one is ' don 't let the bastards get you down ' the other is ' don 't get mad , get even ' a bit of a tough call that one at the moment . Be assured though that suicide will never be an option for me . I have always viewed suicide as a cowards way out and I may be many things but a coward I am not , well OK , I am a bit of a coward when it comes to needles . And spiders . And heights but overall I am not cowardly by nature . I won 't say there haven 't been times when I haven 't considered it because I 'd be lying but it is not for me , I 'm going to have to wait for nature to take it 's course . I thought I was in luck last night when I thought for about five minutes that I was having a heart attack . I felt a sudden crushing pain , felt sick and broke out in a sweat . Unfortunately the episode passed and I live to face another day . I can 't say I 'm not disappointed as dying of a stress related heart attack two days later would probably the best ' up yours ' I could hope to get but I 'm going to have to think of another way , such is life . Talking of which isn 't it funny that you can be clinging desperately to any hope one minute and then be wishing it would all just stop the next . So how am I ? Well still seething basically , I have had about three hours sleep since Sunday night , I managed a couple of blissful hours of oblivion on the settee last night . Every now and then white fury rolls in but it is not constant as it was yesterday . I 'm having bouts of palpitations , almost certainly stress related , and the knot in my stomach means I haven 't eaten properly for days . To top it all my breathing is terrible , again I suspect because of the stress . I 've set about thinking why I have taken this one thing so badly when every thing else that has happened in the last six months or so have rolled off me like water on a duck 's back . Even the transplant fiasco didn 't hit me this hard , yes I had a cry and a couple of days feeling miserable but nothing compared to this . I can only assume that this last event was the step to far , the final straw , the catalyst that brought everything to the surface . And boy did it surface and is still doing so . Today my main priority to to try and calm down . I am due for a check up at the Brompton on Friday and in my current state it is unlikely to go well . If I can get some sleep it will be a bonus . I began to think that maybe it was time to start lowering the barriers , let others in . PH is a lonely illness at the best of times and I figured I needed as much support as I could get but what happened ? The minute I did so they set about destroying me , I 've never been so hurt and humiliated . And I am so angry I am even scaring myself . Even being turned down for transplant didn 't hurt as much as this and why ? Because that decision was made by strangers this was done by people I looked up to , people I though cared , people I thought were on my side , people I though I could turn too when the chips were down , people I took a risk on and let in . The anguish I feel is overwhelming , gradually every piece of me is being taken away and with each loss I am in agony . So I 'm rebuilding my barriers , pulling down the shutters and retreating to lick my wounds and mend my protective shell . Things will now be kept within the family and only the family . I don 't even know if I can bring myself to continue this blog anymore . I cried at first long and hard , so hard my ribs still ache this morning then the anger came . It is intense and destructive and so far shows no signs of abating . It kept me awake all night and has robbed me of the little appetite I had . I know I must control it in order to calmly think about what has happened . Over the last few years I have done everything asked of me and more . There have been times when I 've been in such pain I couldn 't breath . There have been times when I could hardly put one foot in front of the other . And there have been times when I 've gone to bed sincerely hoping I didn 't wake up but I 've pulled myself out of bed and been there for them and all I get in return is kicked in the teeth . This is the deepest I have fallen and this time I don 't think I 'm going to be able to crawl back to the top . I might get halfway but then again I might decide it is time to stop fighting and accept that I am swimming an increasingly strong tide . Hi did it , he did it , he did it ! A in Biology , B in Physics and C in Psychology plus an email confirming his place in university . To say I am happy would be a complete understatement . He has worked so hard and waited so long for this and it was all worth it . I haven 't been this thrilled since Laurence got accepted into the Prison Service and I went to his graduation . Now I have another graduation to look forward too . Not sure I 'm going to be quite so thrilled when my credit card starts taking a battering but that will be worth it too . Right feet back on the ground , although I feel better today I 'm still went to see my GP . Being so close to the weekend I 've decided not to take a chance and to get some antibiotics in case things decide to flare up again on Friday evening , which always seems to happen to me . After a through examination she decided that although I didn 't have an infection yet I had a slight wheeze and crackle on one side so has given me antibiotics as a precaution . This is what I like about my GP surgery , they 've begun to see the benefits in prevention rather than cure and as a result I 've had a lot less time off work this year . I was really sad to see that Prince Phillip has been admitted to hospital again . At ninety one I can 't help thinking he needs to ease up on his work load and start taking more care of himself . A lot of people do not like the Royal family , they believe they are free loaders , over privileged and cost us lots of money . I agree that there are some members who really should be given a kick up the backside , I can think of two Princesses for a start . However how many of these wingers would be happy to see themselves or a member of their family still working at that age ? Unlike normal people of their age the Queen and Prince Phillip will never be able to retire . They will literally work until they drop , surely that if nothing else deserves to be admired or at least respected . . Well I did watch Cleopatra right through from start to finish , what a brilliant film , no special effects , no aliens , no foul language , just pure class from start to finish . They really don 't make them like that anymore . This afternoon 's viewing will be less awe inspiring as I will be watching the opening episode of Celebrity Big Brother . I always watch the opening show to see if there really are any celebrities in it and as I will be doing the ironing at the same time I wanted something I didn 't have to think to much about . I decided to record it to get rid of all the annoying adverts , they could easily cut two hours down to one if they didn 't put in an ad break between each reveal . The other reason is because I am watching an absolutely brilliant serial on BBC2 at the moment called Vexed . It is a sort of comedy / drama about two police detectives who don 't get along . The characters are a bit formulaic but it is well written and quite funny in places . Worth a look if you get the chance 9pm BBC2 Wednesdays . Well as I said I have ironing and things to do before work tomorrow . At the moment I feel I am well enough to go so expect the next blog in four days . If however a blog appears tomorrow you 'll know that things are not quite what they should be . Andrew was going into London with some mates for a party and I was originally told that he wouldn 't be in for lunch , hence our plan to go out for a pub lunch . However he then announced that he wasn 't leaving until half past one so would be in for lunch . So we had a hastily made curry instead . The we decided that as half the day had gone we would put our plans on hold and celebrate today instead . Andrew wasn 't expected back until late afternoon . So we got our shopping and chores out of the way first and I was treated to a bottle of expensive perfume in John Lewis . We arrived home to a deserted house and settled in for a quiet night , possibly with a DVD and maybe even a glass of wine or two . I was even thinking take away as a rare treat then the door bell rang and standing on the doorstep was Andrew . Apparently some of the people at this party were not the type of people many would want to be around . He didn 't say anything but I got the impression that drugs might have been involved , so he decided to leave before things got out of hand and come home . Disappointing for him and frustrating for us but I 'd rather he come home that get involved in something that might affect his future . Today several things have conspired against us . Firstly Andrew being home but he doesn 't mind us going out and has said he will make his own lunch . Then the weather , any chance of taking pictures in the countryside are well and truly off due to rain and high winds . Finally there is me , I 'm having a bad day , a really , really bad day . Although my lungs are clear I 'm having difficulty breathing and , although I haven 't eaten a thing , I feel really full and bloated and anything I swallow make me feel even worse . I 'm hoping it is just an off day but I 've made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow just in case it is another infection brewing . Quite often the next day I 'll feel as though nothing happened and if that is the case I will cancel , as seeing my GP twice in four days is a little bit much , even for me . In the news it seems the ticket fiasco that dogged the Olympics is now causing problem for the Paralympics too . It seems that if you want to attend and are in a wheelchair you will have to sit on your own is the designated wheelchair area while you family will have to sit else where in the arena , and that could be right over the other side . If you are severely disabled one person may be allowed to sit with you , I 've no idea what they class as ' severely disabled ' , to me being in a wheelchair is disabled enough isn 't it ? So how are these wheelchair bound spectators meant to get to the toilets , get a drink , alert someone that they are not feeling well or take their medications ? Can I just remind you we are talking about disabled people going to watch disabled people here , crazy ! I 've no doubt this situation will be swiftly resolved once the public outcry alerts the powers that be what idiots they are being but it shouldn 't need an outcry to point this out . These are games for disabled people surely they expected disable people to want to go and watch . I still haven 't heard from Papworth regarding my ' urgent ' referral . Maybe they are hoping I pop my clogs before they get round to me . Sometimes it really feels as though that is the reason for all the delays . So I 've fired off another email to my specialists at the Brompton to ask what the hell is going on . It is not their fault , they did exactly what they promised . I 'm reluctant to phone Papworth myself as I don 't know who to shout at , and I don 't want to get myself in their bad books before I even see them by getting myself classed as an awkward patient . It is all very frustrating . In fact I 'd even class it as cruel . If they are going to turn me down I 'd rather know now than wait the six months it took Harefield to do the same . It was our 29th wedding anniversary yesterday but unfortunately Peter had to work so we are celebrating today instead . We are spending the whole day together doing fun things such a taking a long lazy lunch at a country pub and if the weather holds a stroll somewhere with our cameras . So excuse this blog for being a little shorter than usual . Laurence came to stay over the weekend as promised but I didn 't see much of him . I got home at 6 . 30 and he was away at 8 pm for a night out with his mates , I was in bed by the time he came in . We did manage a nice meal together before he went out though and had a nice chat over breakfast on Sunday morning . Still it was nice to have him around again even if it was only briefly . My knees are going down but the bruising has spread so I look like I 'm wearing a couple of sweat bands around them . A trip to the doctor revealed low blood pressure so I 've been given advice to not stand for long periods and to be careful getting up from a sitting or lying position . I have an appointment to see the Brompton next week so I 'll mention it to them , it could be that my meds need adjusting again . Although the Olympics have ended they are not out of the news yet as the BBC seems reluctant to let go . Our news bulletins were full of pictures of hung over athletes gathering at Heathrow to fly home . I wonder how long it will be before the euphoria wears off ? In other news more details are emerging in the Tia Sharp case . It appears she might have been smothered before being hidden in the loft . By all accounts this roof space was blazing hot and we all know that heat accelerates decomposition so how come no one smelt her during the initial searches ? It could be that this was a Shannon Matthews situation that went wrong or her body was moved , hence the arrest of the neighbour . Of course the most pressing question is why she was killed and I doubt very much that Stuart Hazell will ever tell us the real reason . What I found curious is that , despite his picture being shown on every news bulletin and splashed across countless newspapers , when he appeared in court by video link we got a court drawing . That seems to be a case of closing the barn door after the horse has bolted to me , I mean what was the point ? For those that don 't know or don 't remember Shannon went missing aged eight sparking a huge search and offers of large rewards for her safe return . However her mother 's acting skills were not up to much and police got suspicious . Shannon was found twenty days later hidden and drugged in the storage space of a double bed at her uncle 's house . Shannon was taken into care and mother and uncle jailed . The pair cooked up the plan of the uncle suddenly ' finding ' Shannon and claiming the reward which they 'd split between them . I cannot imagine anyone would copy such a stupid plan but there are some very stupid people about and to be fair neither Stuart Hazell or Tia 's grandmother look very bright . The news that really excited me though is the discovery of two , or possibly more , pyramids in the Egyptian dessert . Not everyone is enamored by Google but this time their Google Earth cameras seem to have come up trumps by discovering something that is invisible from the ground . As a lover of everything Ancient Egyptian I am beside myself and cannot wait for these discoveries to be examined by archaeologists . They have obviously lain undiscovered for thousands of years so there is a good chance that if they are pyramids they will be intact . Maybe their contents will top those of Tutankhamen . And who is in them ? We know that lots of Pharaohs have not been discovered , could we soon be adding a few more to our list ? if you want to see these amazing pictures for yourself just follow the link . http : / / news . sky . com / story / 971892 / two - new - pyramids - found - on - google - earth Over the last two weeks I 've watched , in no particular order , tennis , boxing gymnastics , running , cycling , swimming , BMX , canoing , kayaking , shooting , archery , mountain biking , pentathlon , decathlon , heptathlon , long jump , high jump , triple jump , marathon and diving . At each event I was on the edge of my seat willing Team GB to come away with a medal and by an large they did . I 'd rush home form work each night and sit watching until forced to bed by Peter . I 'd avidly read every word in the papers the next day and constantly checked the medals table to see how we were doing . While I watched the opening ceremony with a sense of dread , vowing it would be the only thing I 'd be watching I slowly got drawn in as the medals started to arrive . Last night I sat down in eager anticipation and a sense of sadness that what was to come would be magnificent but also the final breathes of a wonderful event . I must say it didn 't disappoint and was a wacky as the opening ceremony , if not slightly more so . To be honest the first half hour was , well boring and slightly confusing but it soon picked up . I loved the fact that the loudest singing was to Eric Idle 's ' Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life ' . I was amused at Boris Johnson , London 's mayor , bopping away enthusiastically to the Spice Girls , though I must admit to a secret longing for one of them to fall off the top of her taxi . George Michael was a surprise and John Lennon was very fitting , and really should have been the last song . It was a little spooky having John and Freddie Mercury appearing in digital form but both represented the talent we have lost while Jessie J and her mates showed all too clearly that the ability to sing is no longer needed to be a pop star . My one grip was letting Jessie perform with Queen , Queen songs require a powerful but melodious voice not a screeching banshee . Tom Jones , George Michael or even Meatloaf would have been better . There were the weird bits of course , a giant octopus for one , Russell Brand for another , though he was quite good , and Del and Rodney as Batman and Robin , though I suspect that bit was lost on our foreign visitors . And Darcy Bussell on fire flying into the arena . Thankfully Paul McCartney was shelved this time but we got Roger Daltry instead . He was better but only slightly . Now it is all over and the cauldron is now dark and silent . Do they light it again for the Paralympics I wonder ? They must do , mustn 't they ? Only another two weeks until we find out . There will be less coverage , though I don 't see why that should be , but I will be rushing home again each night to see how we are doing . So what was my favourite , most defining moment of the games ? Well it has to be Andy Murray winning the tennis , not just because I am a fan but because he over came a personal stumbling block called Roger Federer and has finally silenced his doubters , well most of them anyway . Next year 's Wimbledon could be very different as Murray goes into it as the Olympic champion , and hopefully with renewed confidence . Tom Daley came a very close second . This week the excitement was provided by . . . me ! I took a bit of a tumble in the locker room and couldn 't get up . One minute I was opening my locker to put my stuff away , the next I was on the floor with all my stuff scattered around me . I sat for a moment contemplating my situation and realised I was stuck as there was nothing for me to hang on to on which I could pull myself up . I waited for a while hoping someone would come in but being six on a Saturday evening it was a forlorn hope so I had to phone my office to summon help . And boy did help come , I immediately heard footsteps and voices shouting as two of my colleagues burst into the room . I felt such a fool . After making sure I was OK I was hauled to my feet by one of my male colleagues and escorted to my car in case I went over again . Looking back it was hilarious but I 'm slightly worried as I don 't remember what happened . I have swellings the size of eggs on both knees which are a fetching shade of purple and a large bruise on my hip so I obviously hit the floor hard . I will be calling the doctor to get myself checked out . In the news no one can have missed or be moved by the murder of Tia Sharp . I hate to say this but I had Stuart Hazell pegged from the moment I saw him . It is nearly always a family member or someone close to the family that ends up being the offender . Is the grandmother involved ? Well I really cannot see how she didn 't know something was wrong . My guess is both will eventually be charged and hopefully locked up for life . While I am writing this I am waiting for a phone call from Andrew . He went to a party at a friends house and elected to spend the night so he could have a drink or two . A wise move I 'm sure you 'll agree but annoying when you 've been up since seven waiting for a call that still hasn 't come two hours later . Had a very interesting postbag this morning . Firstly my results came back from the Warfarin clinic saying I don 't have to see them again until October 16th , that 's ten whole weeks . For a needle phobic there really couldn 't be much better news . The second letter is from the Brompton asking me to go in and see my consultant in two weeks . This is a bit of a surprise as I wasn 't meant to see him again until the end of September . Now of course I 'm worrying that he may have bad news to tell me and doesn 't want to do it over the phone . I 'm not sure what I 'm going to do if Papworth have said no . I am back to full working order and have had two days of normal meals without any problems so I 'm planning a return to work tomorrow . In a strange way I 'm rather looking forward to it , it will take my mind off my appointment for a start . Being home on your days off are usually enjoyable and because of this you can never pack in everything you want to do in . Being home because you are ill is not fun at all especially when the house is full of noise , dust and strange smells and you are banned from the bathroom for long periods of time . So today is going to be a day of getting ready in between watching TV . To be fair I had already washed and ironed my work stuff ages ago so all I need to do is make sure Andrew and Peter don 't starve while I 'm at work . I usually make a couple of tubs of pasta sauce ( different ones of course ) and pop them in the fridge , then all they have to do is boil up some pasta and blast the sauce in the microwave . Of late though Andrew has experimented with cooking bacon , eggs and sausages . He says he is practicing for uni , which is good , but a vegetable or two won 't go amiss . Haven 't we done well , several records broken , the best ever haul of medals in an Olympics and still five days to go . No wonder other countries are looking at us as if something strange is happening . Great Britain has become used to being the nearly man , ' nearly ' winning Wimbledon , ' nearly ' winning football etc , etc and suddenly we are leaving everyone else behind . If we are so good at all these other sports isn 't it time we saw more of them on mainstream TV ? Talking of seeing more on mainstream TV , are the paralympics going to get as much coverage as the main event ? I certainly think they should , after all have the athletes taking part worked any less hard ? Or might they just have worked that little bit harder ? In the news , new pictures of the Loch Ness Monster . Having done the maths this poor creature must about three hundred years old by now . I have to admit the new picture is very convincing but photography is no longer the medium that doesn 't lie . Now I 'm not saying the photograph has been manipulated but making it public at the height of the tourist season seems just a little too fortuitous to me . Well the trip to the warfarin clinic was unusually short and sweet this morning . My bottom had barely brushed the seat when my name was called . I mentioned how few people were in compared to my last visit and was told by a rather world weary nurse that it was the ' Olympics effect ' . Apparently outpatients appointments are being cancelled left , right and center because people would rather be watching the sport than sitting in a smelly clinic waiting to be jabbed . Who 'd have thought it ! On the down side the minute the Olympics finish the clinic is going to be over run . I hope my appointment is another ten week one , I suspect September will be hell . Had a phone call from Laurence last night . He was asking if it were all right for him to sleep over on Saturday as he is planning to hit the town with his mates and didn 't want to travel all the way back to his . Of course I am delighted to have him back under my roof again , even if it is for just one night . I 'm getting excited already . It seems our medal success has provoked a bit of moaning from our French and Australian cousins who are finding it hard to believe how good we are in certain events . The Australians sound positively shell shocked and are blaming their poor showing on the fact that most of their coaches have been lured abroad to take charge of their rivals . Meanwhile the French have hinted at possible cheating going on , especially in the cycling events . The French representatives deny they are accusing us of using drugs but are miffed that Team GB cover their bike wheels at the end of events . This is not unusual as many teams do the same but the French don 't like it . What a shame ! I was so pleased to read about this story in the paper this morning . This is the story of an unemployed graduate who , as part of the governments new ' Back To Work ' programme was told to attend work experience at Poundland for a few weeks . Now before I go any further this scheme only applies to those classed as long term unemployed , and this woman had been out of work for going on two years . In a fit of pique she claimed that the scheme was akin to slavery and breached her human rights and promptly took the government to court . What she actually meant was that she considered working in Poundland beneath her . Yesterday her case was thrown out of court , brilliant ! Yes the DWP were found to be at fault for not making things clearer in their correspondence about the scheme , but then when have the DWP been clear about anything . However in the DWP 's defense , many are sick to death of paying taxes just so perfectly healthy human beings can live on benefits doing absolutely nothing to earn them . I for one welcome such schemes and to be fair anyone claiming money from the public purse should comply with any conditions applied to it . In other news NASA are going crazy celebrating the safe landing of their Rover on the surface of Mars . Now although an exciting event it isn 't really up there with the great achievements of all time is it . In 1969 we landed a man on the moon , I know I watched it , and Concorde took its first flight , and in 1981 the first space shuttle was launched . All three involved technology that is no longer available to us , most due to cost . Each one , in my opinion , is a far greater achievement than the landing of a mini on Mars . I am venturing out today for a brief shopping trip . Now that Andrew is back on form we are being eaten out of house and home again so the cupboards need some serious stocking up . Of course now the dust from his holiday and illness has settled his thoughts are turning to university and I 'm detecting a slight show of nerves . He keeps talking about clearing as though he expects to have to go through it . He 's also mentioned getting a job for a year and resiting his exams with the intention of trying again next year . I 'm hoping it is all just nerves but if it isn 't then I 'll be here for him . Yes it was an amazing achievement but others won gold this weekend apart from Jessica Ennis . I don 't wish to put her down in anyway , it is not her fault , but she is only one of many medal winners this weekend so why is she the only one to be constantly on the front pages of our newspapers . I find the fact that other winners are being ignored very rude and frankly insulting . Could it possibly be because she is not only a great athlete but is also pretty , when some of the other winners are less photogenic ? I do hope the obsession with looks is not encroaching its way into sport as well . This question was put by one of the columnists in my paper this morning and it is one that is worth debating . For too long now the vacuous , plastic world of ' celebrity ' has been at the fore front of our children 's ambitions . Most think that the way to becoming famous and earning pots of money is to appear on a reality show or marry a footballer . This of course requires no effort as long as you have a pretty face and a self obsession of terrifying proportions . The Olympics are showing youngsters that there are other ways to the top but will they take up the challenge ? The people we see on the podiums day after day have worked hard since very young for their brief moment of glory and this is where we reach a sticking point . Most of today 's youngsters don 't want to work hard for something , they expect it to fall into their lap . So will we see an increased uptake of sport ? Yes I expect we will for a while then the reality will set in and all but a few will go back to playing video games , eating crisps and dreaming of being old enough to apply for Big Brother . Sad but true . I was in the queue with my trolley of approx thirty items when this business type woman came behind me with just two items so , as I have done many times before , I asked her if she wanted to go ahead of me , which she did . She then left without a word of thanks , just paid and left . Even the girl working on the checkout commented on how rude the woman had been . Apart from being angry I was really shocked . I 've let every sort of person past me , some who look as though they 'd rip your head off soon as look at you , and all have said thanks . And yet a respectable looking , suited woman in her mid forties totally ignored me . No wonder people are so horrible to each other when even those you expect to be polite can 't be bothered . Unfortunately she has made me think twice about making this gesture in the future . I probably still will but if you are a business woman in a suit expect to be ignored . Well I 've gone from not caring about the Olympics , and being slightly miffed that all my favourite programmes have either been moved or stopped altogether , to ' wow ' in the space of one evening . Yes I 've been pleased when hearing about our sports people winning medals , and I did watch Murray storm to the final and a guaranteed silver but I 've been fairly unmoved up to now . Like most of the nation I was on the edge of my seat watching Mo Farrar last night and our planned film night went down the drain yet again . I can officially announce I am feeling a lot , lot better . I managed my first proper meal yesterday and enjoyed every morsel . I 'm going for something a little more substantial today and I 'm eating fruit by the bucket load . I 'm still having the odd wobbly moment , which is a bit strange , but on the whole I 've got my old zing back . Of course now that I 'm feeling better I 've got all the jobs I 've put off facing me and foremost is a pile of bedding and towels to be washed and dried . I did the ironing yesterday , well most of it , but by tonight there will be another pile waiting in the wings . Still I have four days to catch up so I don 't need to go for it hammer and tongs . Talking of Andrew his rash has cleared up nicely and had been reduced to a few spots here and there . We are all very relieved not least that neither Peter or myself caught it . I 'm giving it one more day and then he is going to get a great big hug . We are at the mid point and we haven 't been attacked in any shape or form . Now it might be that the sight of an aircraft carrier in the Thames is enough to put off the most determined terrorist but I doubt it . Although it is good to be careful , and in this day and age security is a must , I 'm now wondering if we have gone just a little bit overboard . We have rocket launchers on top of tower blocks for goodness sake . Do the powers that be really think an attack is going to be as obvious as someone trying to fly a plane into the stadium ? Any terrorist , or loan nutter , as there are plenty of them about too , worth his salt will not be an obvious source of threat . Let 's face it , you walk in with ' I am a terrorist ' on your tee shirt you are going to find yourself in a cell being strip searched before you can draw breathe . If an attack comes it will be carried out by the most normal looking person in the building but with a bit of luck the second half of the games will be as peaceful as the first . Before I finish OW I just want to point out how sad some people really are . We have had a fantastic week of sport . Sports that are never normally seen on British TV are being shown and vast numbers are watching them . However after the best day of the games for Team GB so far , six golds , there are still people saying that their whole weekend is ruined because the football team are out of the competition . I am speechless . Do you remember me saying a few blogs back how delighted I was to find a pair of original wooden Scholls . Well I 've fallen out of love with them big time after one slipped off my foot yesterday and clouted me on the ankle then caused immense pain as I stepped on it sideways . The bruise is a sight to see and my foot still aches . I don 't remember doing that in my twenties . For five glorious minutes this morning I considered going into work as I felt really well . However this idea was swiftly sat on by Peter who has told me that work is out of the question until I 've had a day of eating proper meals . He is right of course and often steps in to save me from myself . So today I 'm making a determined effort to try and eat normally . You know what it is like though , you just start feeling really well and want to keep that feeling and so food sort of becomes the enemy . You know that eating might make you feel ill again so you start avoiding it . Now I love my food , always have , so this is a worrying development but one I 'm not going to let take hold . Finally heard from the Brompton regarding my transplant referral . They are disgusted that I still haven 't heard from Papworth and are going to do some chasing for me . I am to let them know if I still haven 't heard anything by the end of next week . I have found a new ally in the road back to normality , watermelon ! This stuff is ideal , it is light , tasty , not acidic and full of liquid and is going down a treat . I 've eaten at least half of a whacking big one already and Peter only brought it home at tea time last night . Today I am planning my first proper meal , a light pasta with a delicate tomato sauce , minus the garlic and chilli 's I normally add . If I can keep that down I know I 'm on to a winner . Andy Murray is guaranteed at least a silver medal after beating Djokovic in the semi 's yesterday . I am ecstatic ! He will be meeting Federer in a final yet again , time for revenge I wonder ? The only thing I can find to complain about today is the banning of Pimms at Wimbledon . Why ? Because they manufacturers are not official sponsors of course , pathetic isn 't it . There are still empty seats but not so many now as spares are now being sold nightly online and for as low as a fiver , now if they had only done this from the start we wouldn 't have had any empty seats at all . Andrew 's rash has all but disappeared overnight . He 's gone from looking like a smallpox victim to your average acned teenager in a matter of hours . He even managed to have a shower , a great relief for all , which he has been unable to do up to now as his skin was so sore . Isn 't it typical , the moment I start feeling better the heavens open and the rain starts pouring and an afternoon on the decking with a good book has been shelved . So I 'm looking at another afternoon of slobbing in front of the TV but fed up with doing absolutely nothing I 'm going to combine watching with ironing , not too much , but a small start on the mountain that has built up over the last week , yes I can tell Andrew is back . I have been ordered not to touch the bathroom , an order I can easily obey as polishing grout off tiles is hardly my favourite occupation . In the news the mother of Mark Duggan , whose death sparked last years riots , is claiming he was ' assassinated ' by police . How ridiculous a statement is that , and how irresponsible . Her comments are stirring up ' feelings ' in those who would like nothing better than another excuse for more civil unrest . An excuse this women is plainly handing to them on a plate by advertising a memorial service for Duggan on Sunday as though he were some hero . Now I am not going to say his death wasn 't sad and I am not going to say the police get it right all the time but in this case I don 't believe they had much choice . Duggan was a serial offender who was known for violence , he refused to cooperate with the police and had in his possession a gun which despite warnings he refused to put down and repeatedly pointed at police . Yes the death shouldn 't have happened but Duggan was not the total innocent in all this and at least partially contributed to his own death . Hero he definitely is not . Well I 've now moved on to tomato soup and banana 's , not together you understand . Again small amounts but I 'm picking up on the frequency . I 'm still a bit nauseous if I 've eaten too much but mostly everything has settled down nicely . I really fancied a cheese sandwich around five yesterday evening and took an hour to pluck up courage to try half of one . Not a bad reaction but I think I might wait another day before trying a full one . The tea is interspersed with barely there blackcurrant squash and I 've started on the Complan again to try and give myself a bit of a boost as I 'm still incredibly wobbly . I dared to weigh myself this morning and was pleased to see I 've only lost five pounds but it still means another up hill battle to put the weight back on . Unfortunately good news is almost always accompanied by bad and cyclists Victoria Pendleton and Jess Varnish were disqualified from the inaugural women 's team sprint for an illegal change during their second - round contest with Ukraine . What a shame , cycling was one of the events we were almost guaranteed medals in . There was also controversy surrounding the mens win after the youngest of the group implied he 'd fallen off deliberately to force a restart when the he didn 't get off quickly enough on the first attempt . This has now been dismissed as a misunderstanding and ' language problems ' as Philip Hindes has only been learning English for a couple of years . Even so there is a slight taint to the win now and if anyone really does fall off in the early stages of a race in future they are likely to be looked at very carefully . Andrew is looking better , the rash is not so red or sore and his throat is completely fine now , thank goodness for that . Now he can talk he is chattering on about his holiday and has shown us some pictures . I 'd never thought of Bulgeria as a holiday destination but it is so beautiful , and has lots to see and do apparently . However it is not disabled friendly , lots of stairs and steps , cobbled roads and very little of it is flat . Maybe one for after the transplant then . Talking of which despite several emails and messages left on answer phones there has not been a peep out of the Brompton . A fellow PH sufferer has given me the number of the PALS admin person to get in touch with which I will be doing today . I must say though it is unusual for my PH team not to get back to me within a day or two , they are usually very good . Another PH sufferer has advised I also contact Papworth 's transplant team to see what is going on . I don 't feel I can do that yet though as I haven 't had it confirmed that my referral has gone though . It is all highly frustrating I must say . I am finding it hard to find news stories worth discussing at the moment . The Olympics are all consuming and very little other news is getting through . This is another thing I do not like about the way the media , the BBC in particular , are covering the games . I keep missing things I want to see because they will give a time but not a channel . Or they will give such a large time range that you can 't watch all the way through and quiet often they cut what you are watching to move to something else . It is very irritating . Now I appreciate that there is a lot going on and it is very difficult to show everything but if they have started a particular competition they should at least stick with it until the final stages . In desperation I have switched to other channels in the hope of finding out what is going on beyond London at the moment but they are all equally obsessed and real news is now confined to a five minute round up at the end . What did catch my eye was the report that Kofi Annan has given up on his attempts to broker peace in Syria . If Kofi Annan gives up on you , you know you are in trouble . At least the weather is getting a rest , it being our usual national obsession . I am feeling so much better today . Still wobbly on my feet and as weak as a kitten but better . I have stuck to white toast , tea . porridge and plain potato mash but it has all stayed down which is reassuring . I 've even managed to take my warfarin again , something which was just not happening Monday and Tuesday . We got GOLD ! At last ! And not just one but two . Well done Heather , Helen and Bradley . Let 's hope this is the start of a golden shower . For other countries the news was not so good as three Badminton teams were kicked out of the Olympics for cheating , well sort of . China , South Korea and Indonesia all saw their womens teams kicked out after some very dodgy play in last night 's events . So what did they actually do ? Well as I understand it they tried to manipulate the play offs by throwing matches in order to get a more favourable draw in the next round . Each team decided they did not want to meet their own countries in the play offs as that would mean only one team from their country going higher . Not actually cheating but certainly a manipulation of the contest by anyones standards . They are appealing of course but I doubt they have much chance of returning to the competition . It is such a shame that athletes or their countries , for I have no doubt the idea came from further up the feeding chain , feel they have to resort to such tactics to do well . And would they ever really be happy with the win knowing how it was gained ? Andrew 's rash is not only spreading but getting worse . His hands are so sore he hasn 't been able to unpack yet . On the plus side his throat has all but cleared up and he is tucking in to anything he can get his teeth around like there is no tomorrow . I 've been carefully examining my hands and feet for early signs but so far I appear to have been successful in avoiding it , whatever it is . I 'm still thinking allergic reaction to something as he feels fine in himself and as it is his hands and face that are mostly affected I 'm thinking a contact allergy rather than something he 's swallowed . The lovely Japanese couple are going abroad for four years because of work commitments so they have rented their house out and the new couple appear to be moving in today . I haven 't seen anyone yet but there are lots of vans arriving and departing and strange cars parked outside . I hope they are nice people , we have been very lucky with our neighbours so far and I 'm really hoping this new lot won 't break the trend . Peter is in work for the next couple of days so Andrew has been given orders not to let me over do it so it is another day in front of the TV . At least I 've now moved from bed to settee so a definite improvement . Andrew is still keeping his distance but we can sit in the same room and talk now even if it is in chairs on opposite sides of the room . . Still heard nothing from Papworth regarding the transplant assessment so I 've fired off an email to the Brompton to ask them to chase . It appears an ' urgent ' referral must mean something different in hospital circles than to us mere mortals . It is so unfair that ill people are kept waiting and stressed out all the time by those that are meant to be helping us . If I ruled the NHS , grrrr ! Andrew is not allergic to penicillin but the rash is linked to the virus he 's picked so he is now taking antivirals as well . He looks a mess today but assures me he is feeling better and he has been able to swallow some solid food at last . He is still keeping as far away from me as possible to the extent of talking to me from the corridor rather than coming into the bedroom and sitting on the bed as he 'd normally do . It is very considerate but also very sad . I am now able to drink and keep down tea . Anything else comes back up immediately so I 'm sticking with tea for today so at least I 'll get my hydration back up to normal . I 've also managed to keep down my anti sickness tablet so when that kicks in I 'm hoping for a vast improvement . My problem is that I tread such a fine line between sick and not sick with my meds than any sickness bug sends me right over the edge and it take ages to gain back my equilibrium . I think I 'm going to have to throw in the towel with this one and forget about work altogether until I can get my stomach settled again . As for my weight gain well from the way my PJ 's are hanging off me I 'm guessing I 'm going to have to start the battle from scratch as I think I 'm even lighter now than when I started the first time . How frustrating is that ? I have very little to say on this matter today as I haven 't been keeping up with news or papers over the last day or two . I have had the TV on in the bedroom for most of the day though and have seen more of the games than I ever intended to . I enjoyed the women 's gymnastics , such as shame there was no medal . This blog is essentially so that my widely scattered family and friends can keep up with all that is happening since I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 . If reading because you also have PH or know someone who does , I hope this blog will show that it is possible to enjoy life with a serious illness . I also hope it will offer some support and information along the way . Since starting this blog I have now been accepted on the list for transplant . Take careHazel I have been married for 28 years and have two strapping sons . I am small but universally described as scary , determined and tenacious . Diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 I am generally an optimist and believe everything happens for a reason .
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Although the summer has been wet , the wettest in one hundred years apparently , it has still been warm . So imagine my surprise this morning when I woke up , threw the covers back and immediately broke out in goose pimples . The first thing I did was grab my dressing gown , the second shut the window and then it was downstairs to stare in disbelief at the temperature gauge . 8 . 5C at 0830 in the morning , surely a mistake , I haven 't seen figures that low since May . I 've had to dig out my slipper socks from the back of the drawer and find a cardigan to slip over my normal tee shirt . I hope this isn 't a hint of things to come , a long , cold winter is the last thing we need . I am currently on the hunt for kitties . Not for me but for Laurence who has requested a pair for his birthday . I decided to go for a rescue cats and so I rang up the Cats Protection League and quickly ran into more bureaucracy than I ever thought possible . I rang my local branch in Bedfordshire who point blank refused to deal with me because I was in a different county to my son . I was given the number of the Northampton branch and so I tried them . They refused to deal with me because my son lives in Rushden and I was given the number for the Wellingborough and Rushden branch . All the numbers are premium numbers by the way so I 'd spent about two pounds so far and not actually discussed the adoption yet so it was with some trepidation I picked up the phone and dialed again . This time I got hold of a fiercely efficient sounding woman who barked questions at me . The fact that Laurence had grown up with cats elicited a ' good ' from her , he works long shifts a ' hum ' . After about ten minutes of interrogation I was finally asked what I was looking for . Two males , preferably brothers , preferably under one year old , and preferably either black or grey in colour . We are in luck , there are several litters on their books at the moment and she is sure at least one litter has grey kittens . I then made the mistake of asking when we could see them . I couldn 't believe it , when I got our two , OK it was fourteen years ago , all I had to do was sign a contract saying that if things didn 't work out I 'd return them to the CPL . Now it seems the cat has to chose us , not the other way around . Fortunately Laurence is quite happy with this arrangement so I 've passed his number onto the CPL so they can do the negotiations , I 'll just end up footing the bill , again ! Much to my chagrin I have been banned from the actual ' choosen a kitten ' process . Laurence let me down as gently as he could . ' You know what you 're like Mum . You go for the smallest runt because you don 't think anyone else will pick them . Then you end up with a Pepper or a Tarmac . I don 't want mental cases so I 'll chose them , you can see them when I have already picked the tow I want . ' One last word on the subject , I was asked if the garden was enclosed with high fences , I said yes because it is . It was only when I put the phone down that I realised the stupidity of what I 'd been asked . These are cats , a fence is no object . How bazaar ! Well we 've already got our first two golds and spattering of silver and bronze to go with them . I can 't say I 'm as gripped as I was with the Olympics but when it does grip me I look on with awe . The outstanding athlete for me yesterday was the Chinese swimmer who won gold . This lady has no arms and swims like a dolphin . I wouldn 't even get in the water in her condition for fear of drowning . It just goes to show that if you are determined enough you can do anything no matter what obstacles are put in your way . I have finally received my appointment for Papworth . It is on the 24th September , the exact date we 'd penciled in for our get away . So once again plans have to be changed or cancelled , let 's hope this time it is worth it . I started on the shower curtain yesterday . Well I got the material our of the bag . This afternoon I plan to get the sewing machine out , you never know I might even use it . Yesterday afternoon we braved the weather and went out to do our shopping , I wasn 't feeling 100 % so I took my wheelchair with me but soon realised that maybe it would have been better to stay at home . Wheelchairs , rain and puddles just don 't mix . I got soaked . The bathroom is all but finished , I 've got to pull my finger out and make the new blind and the shower curtain . There is still the question over the flooring , we still haven 't found anything remotely suitable as yet but there isn 't any real hurry . OK the tiles don 't quite match the new colour scheme and after a through scrubbing and blast with the power washer they 've come up a shade lighter but , they are still in good condition so will do for now . We also need a new mirror but again we are still arguing about shape and size . It is now only three weeks until Andrew leaves for uni and I 'm beginning to have the wobbles . Not only that but there is so much stuff to sort out . Because of his course he needs specialist clothing and although he gets given a uniform he still needs special footwear , and of course there are items such as thermal underwear to get as he will be out and about in all weathers . He also needs to get his own pots and pans and a supply of tinned and dried goods that will suffice as a meal on those days he is too busy or gets in too late to cook . I have already paid out upwards of £ 700 since he got accepted ten days ago and there is more to come . We haven 't even started on the text books he is going to need . It will all be worth it in the end though . He is doing something very worth while and will spend his life saving others , what more can anyone ask for ? And there will be one paramedic in London who fully understands PH and all it 's complications . We are going to bite the bullet and take a short trip abroad after we 've deposited Andrew at his halls . I 'm still grounded so we will go via the channel tunnel but even this is not difficulty free . Eurostar are not too happy with the thought of taking an oxygen cylinder on board , concentrators are fine and they won 't charge but cylinders they don 't seem to like much . They haven 't said an outright no but the cylinders have to be of a certain type and size . Also they only allow two wheelchair users per train and you have to pay a special wheelchair rate which I haven 't looked into yet . The wheelchair spaces are located in premium or business class , you are allowed one companion who will pay a discounted rate , any one else will have to sit in a different part of the train of pay the full rate . It all sounds depressingly familiar , yes we cater for disabled people but we do everything to discourage them that we can . So now we are looking at taking our car so we can carry all the equipment I 'll need in the boot , still not sure if I 'll be allowed to take the oxygen but that is just one of the questions I will need to ask . I feel I need to be removed from everything for a while . I 've had a crap eight months one way or another and in order to save myself from myself and regain my positive outlook I need to take a step back . I can 't do it here as I 'm constantly waiting for that letter , that phone call , keeping on the look out for the next mini disaster or disappointment . By putting myself out of reach I will hopefully be able to relax and enjoy myself . I am sure the not sleeping , not eating and general ' down ' is all because of the enormous stress I 've been under . This trip is a necessity not a treat . What I did see , although not as frenetic as the Olympic version , was just as weird . There were many similarities of course , we still had a self important actor hamming up Shakespeare , only this one looked as though he 'd just stuck his finger in the light socket . We still had the boring speeches , though mercifully not doubled up by being translated into French and we still had the Queen looking , well , miserable to be quite frank . At least we didn 't have the toe curling parachute jump this time . The theme seems to be umbrellas , which was appropriate considering it had bucketed down for most of the day . And we had Stephen Hawking , possibly the most famous disabled person in the entire world . This afternoon I 'm resting and catching up on my soaps . I 'm pretty sure I 've got another chest infection brewing but it might just be that I need to rest . So settee here I come . A lion had been photographed in Essex resulting in the police deploying two helicopters , at enormous expense , several armed officers and half the keepers from a nearby zoo . I have seen the photo and how anyone mistook that for a lion is beyond me , unless of course they 'd had a little drinky or two . The picture shows a bright ginger animal with pointy ears , a flat - ish muzzle and a white bib , lions tend to be beige have rounded fluffy ears , a prominent muzzle and although their bibs are lighter , they are rarely white . I don 't know which ' expert ' this photo was shown to but maybe an eye test might be in order . As it turned out the ' lion ' was later identified as Teddy Bear a Maine Coon . I will allow that Teddy is on the large size even for a Maine but a lion ? I think the residents of St Osyth can rest easy in their beds , until one of them gets eaten of course . Having said all that alerts regarding wild animals are quite common in areas that have nearby zoos or wildlife parks but these alerts are almost always false . Animals do get out though , I know because I 've seen them myself . I 'll never forget my close encounter with a wallaby when walking across the local downs . It is well known locally that a small colony now lives in the area following several escapes and some breeding amongst the escapees . However Wallabies are one thing big cats something entirely different . As much as I 'd love to believe in the ' beast of Bodmin ' etc I can 't see it somehow . A cat that size would eat a lot and so things would go missing . Also , just like Nessie , to still be alive after all this time breeding must be taking place and in theory there must be dozens out there now . Yet the only evidence we have are blurred , grainy photos and videos from cameras mysteriously lacking any form of zoom function . Throughout our lives we all have battles to fight , some are big , some are petty , some are for the good of many and some are for the good of one person , you . The common element in all these battles is that something you hold dear is being threatened . I have never been one to be walked over and have fought many battles and I 've found that the secret to winning is timing . Picking the right battle at the right time is essential , make the mistake of going out with all guns blazing at the wrong moment means you loose , plain and simple . However , despite indications to the contrary , I am a very patient person , time means nothing to me , I wait it out until the time is right . So for now this particular battle has been put on the back burner . There are people , and I thank you all for the emails and messages of support I 've been receiving , who think I should fight , not just for me but for everyone who has or might face a similar situation . Some have even hinted that I am selfish for not doing so . To those people I 'd just like to remind them of the campaigning I did on their behalf , and for myself , to stop NICE withdrawing funding for our much needed medicines . I also took on the airlines to stop them charging hundreds of pounds for in flight oxygen . And before anyone starts shouting , I didn 't do these things by myself , I was part of a team . However I did attend select committees in parliament , I did meet politicians sympathetic to our cause , I did discuss our case on radio and I did appear in newspapers , so I 'm not adverse to fighting my corner . However the other thing about battles is that you can only really fight one at a time . I am already fighting a battle , a battle for the chance to live and , yes it is selfish , but that is the most important battle right now . When that battle has been won then I can look at everything else , but for now I 'm saving my strength and energy . It was decided in a meeting between a GP working for occupational health , HR , and those above me that because I have less oxygen in my blood my ' thought processes ' may not be as quick as those with normal blood oxygen . And because of that I have been prevented from doing the more complex aspects of my work . This decision was made without anyone seeking advice from a PH expert . What is even more annoying this decision hasn 't been made because of anything I 've actually done but in case something happens in the future . Anyone who knows anything about PH or actually has PH will probably understand exactly how I felt on receiving this little bit of news . We all know what it is like to have our condition completely misunderstood , is there anyone with PH who has not been told by someone that they ' only have high blood pressure ' ? I am fortunate that my employers do understand how ill I am and that I do need special consideration . In some ways they have bent over backwards to accommodate me . I will also say in fairness that there are days when I can barely function so they may have a point . However my problem with this decision is that it was done behind my back . If I 'd been included in the meeting , given a chance to put my side of things , even if the outcome had been the same , at least I 'd have had a chance and maybe understood better their reasoning . The most unfortunate outcome of all this is I have lost my trust . I felt comfortable , I was settled and happy and had begun to relax . I know my working life is coming to an end , with my age and my health no new employers would take me on , so I felt lucky that I 'd found somewhere I could end my working life happy and fulfilled . I will now be on my guard , where I once told them everything I will now cherry pick any developments in my condition and will never be as open again . Such a shame . Talking of disappointment I was amazed yesterday when someone who really should know better made fun of me . I was walking through the lobby of my building decked out in my flolan pump and oxygen pack when this bloke who I 've never seen before shouted ' here she comes , our resident ghost buster . ' Now I like to think I 've got a good , if quirky , sense of humour but amused I was not . I gave him the ' death stare ' and continued on my way . If he or anyone else does it again however , they are going to find themselves quickly educated . It is the opening ceremony tonight and I really cannot wait . Having been bowled over by the Olympics I have great hopes for these very special games . Of course there has to be a fly in the ointment and this time it is yet another ticket scandal . Whereas able bodied spectators can book their tickets on a free website , disabled supporters are having to book theirs via a premium rate telephone line . Given that as a whole the disabled are less well off than the able bodied this has been seen as one of the worst forms of discrimination . When challenged the powers that be say that disabled people need to ring in to ensure their particular needs are catered for . Fair enough but if that really is the case why not provide a free line ? There has been a down turn in my condition but not too much , the biggest concern being the two kilos I 've lost since my last visit . I am now officially under seven stones and that is not good . So I 'm back on the Complan , whoop de doop de doo ! The trouble is that I 'm filling myself up on fruit , because that is all I can face , which is very healthy but not very calorific . I have been advised to ' get a bacon butty ' down me with a side order of cheesy chips and do it at least once a day , I want to puke just thinking about it . I 've been referred back to palliative care team to see if they can stop me feeling sick without destroying my appetite . I 'm actually in a catch 22 situation . The drug I take is based on bodyweight so you get a dose specific to how much you weigh . If you put weight on the drug becomes less effective and will need increasing if the weight gain looks long term . If you lose weight then the drug become too strong causing nausea which means you lose more weight and this in turn makes the drug even stronger . I can 't win . They cannot take me off the drug because it is the only thing left and so in effect I 'm slowly starving . I am also showing signs of extreme stress with my blood pressure and pulse up on my normal sedate readings . They already know the cause and are both appalled and upset on my behalf . My consultant gave me a letter and offered to ring up and give the person concerned a telling off but I said the letter would be fine for now . The sad thing is PH is so misunderstood that this sort of event is not a rare occurrence so they are more used to putting idiots in their place than they ought to be . We discussed the transplant situation and the good news is Papworth are willing to assess me and will be sending me out an appointment in the next week or so , where have I heard that one before ? The delay has been caused by Harefield , who have yet to pass on to the Brompton the exact reasons for rejecting me . The Brompton maintain that my heart is in very good condition and after looking over my test results Papworth seem to agree so no one can understand why I was rejected , unless it was a mistake . I don 't even want to go down that path . To cheer me up we stopped on the way home for a mug of tea and a sandwich at my favourite biker cafe , the Ace Cafe in north London . As we sat and chatted I admired the rows of shining machinery parked outside . Unlike car owners who think if you show any interest you are planning to nick the thing , bikers are all to happy to show off their polished chrome and custom painted fuel tanks . As we approached the M1 several police vehicle went whizzing past , we knew all to well what that meant . We caught up with them an hour later as we crawled past the scene of the accident . They were attending a small disagreement between a lorry and a mini bus . No seemed injured though . First a phone call offering a deep apology and the promise that heads will be banged together . Second a fabulous letter written by my outraged and unexpected supporter . I am hoping to look forward to some grovelling next week . When it has all blown over I will fill you in with what happened but for now I want to keep things close to my chest , I hope you understand . I slept better last night though I don 't know whether that was from sheer exhaustion or because the intense pain of the last few days is subsiding . Having said that it might be because the cavalry are now at my back and ready to leap into action if need be . All my barriers are now back in place . It has meant getting rid of some friends that I will miss but I have to think of me for now and I will feel safer not having them around . Yesterdays blog was published about two hours before it was announced that Tony Nicklinson , a victim of ' locked in syndrome ' , had died . Tony and his wife campaigned tirelessly for the right to assisted suicide since his stroke back in 2004 . He died peacefully of pneumonia in the end and the years of further suffering that he dreaded are gone . Clearly when I was talking about suicide being the cowards way out I was not referring to people like Tony , who is probably one of the bravest people I 've ever heard of . More than that he stood up for what he truly believed and will be remembered for the inspiration he gave to others during his long fight for justice . Not only are they forcing him to live on campus but are demanding £ 400 upfront , before he even gets his grant , to secure his room . I said I would pay with some of my savings and he could pay me back when he had the money . When we got onto the website to pay we discovered that they will only accept payment by credit card then had the cheek to charge me £ 6 for the privilege of doing so . Where do these people get off ? Still it is done now and I 've transfered my savings onto my card so I shouldn 't incur any interest . It is lucky for Andrew that he has a parent with a credit card who is able to step in and help but what about the thousands that are not so fortunate ? How do they get through the red tape ? Another minor irritation came in the form of my optician who called to say my new contacts were in . I 'd forgotten I was down to my last box and had run out before ordering so I 'm wearing my old prescription at the moment which I kept as a back up . Things are a little fuzzy around the edges but it isn 't too bad . Anyway I drove into town , picked my lenses up and returned home . I had assumed that as the optician had called to say my lenses were in he had checked them so imagine my surprise when I opened the box to find the wrong lenses in the wrong prescription . So another trip into town later I come away with a deep apology and a week 's supply of free lenses to keep me going until they can sort it out . Maybe it was because I had my best ' don 't fuck with me ' face on but I can highly recommend Boots opticians for the speedy resolution to a problem . So I am off to the Brompton tomorrow for a check up and to discuss recent events . They are also organising a letter so I am going to be armed to the teeth come Saturday . I have an early appointment so I hope to be back in time to write another blog but if I 'm not then there will be a hum dinger of one one Tuesday . I have had numerous messages sending good wishes and advice . I thank you all for that and will try to reply to you individually once the storm has blown over . Out of it all there were two pieces that I am currently mulling over and using as a raft to cling to , one is ' don 't let the bastards get you down ' the other is ' don 't get mad , get even ' a bit of a tough call that one at the moment . Be assured though that suicide will never be an option for me . I have always viewed suicide as a cowards way out and I may be many things but a coward I am not , well OK , I am a bit of a coward when it comes to needles . And spiders . And heights but overall I am not cowardly by nature . I won 't say there haven 't been times when I haven 't considered it because I 'd be lying but it is not for me , I 'm going to have to wait for nature to take it 's course . I thought I was in luck last night when I thought for about five minutes that I was having a heart attack . I felt a sudden crushing pain , felt sick and broke out in a sweat . Unfortunately the episode passed and I live to face another day . I can 't say I 'm not disappointed as dying of a stress related heart attack two days later would probably the best ' up yours ' I could hope to get but I 'm going to have to think of another way , such is life . Talking of which isn 't it funny that you can be clinging desperately to any hope one minute and then be wishing it would all just stop the next . So how am I ? Well still seething basically , I have had about three hours sleep since Sunday night , I managed a couple of blissful hours of oblivion on the settee last night . Every now and then white fury rolls in but it is not constant as it was yesterday . I 'm having bouts of palpitations , almost certainly stress related , and the knot in my stomach means I haven 't eaten properly for days . To top it all my breathing is terrible , again I suspect because of the stress . I 've set about thinking why I have taken this one thing so badly when every thing else that has happened in the last six months or so have rolled off me like water on a duck 's back . Even the transplant fiasco didn 't hit me this hard , yes I had a cry and a couple of days feeling miserable but nothing compared to this . I can only assume that this last event was the step to far , the final straw , the catalyst that brought everything to the surface . And boy did it surface and is still doing so . Today my main priority to to try and calm down . I am due for a check up at the Brompton on Friday and in my current state it is unlikely to go well . If I can get some sleep it will be a bonus . I began to think that maybe it was time to start lowering the barriers , let others in . PH is a lonely illness at the best of times and I figured I needed as much support as I could get but what happened ? The minute I did so they set about destroying me , I 've never been so hurt and humiliated . And I am so angry I am even scaring myself . Even being turned down for transplant didn 't hurt as much as this and why ? Because that decision was made by strangers this was done by people I looked up to , people I though cared , people I thought were on my side , people I though I could turn too when the chips were down , people I took a risk on and let in . The anguish I feel is overwhelming , gradually every piece of me is being taken away and with each loss I am in agony . So I 'm rebuilding my barriers , pulling down the shutters and retreating to lick my wounds and mend my protective shell . Things will now be kept within the family and only the family . I don 't even know if I can bring myself to continue this blog anymore . I cried at first long and hard , so hard my ribs still ache this morning then the anger came . It is intense and destructive and so far shows no signs of abating . It kept me awake all night and has robbed me of the little appetite I had . I know I must control it in order to calmly think about what has happened . Over the last few years I have done everything asked of me and more . There have been times when I 've been in such pain I couldn 't breath . There have been times when I could hardly put one foot in front of the other . And there have been times when I 've gone to bed sincerely hoping I didn 't wake up but I 've pulled myself out of bed and been there for them and all I get in return is kicked in the teeth . This is the deepest I have fallen and this time I don 't think I 'm going to be able to crawl back to the top . I might get halfway but then again I might decide it is time to stop fighting and accept that I am swimming an increasingly strong tide . Hi did it , he did it , he did it ! A in Biology , B in Physics and C in Psychology plus an email confirming his place in university . To say I am happy would be a complete understatement . He has worked so hard and waited so long for this and it was all worth it . I haven 't been this thrilled since Laurence got accepted into the Prison Service and I went to his graduation . Now I have another graduation to look forward too . Not sure I 'm going to be quite so thrilled when my credit card starts taking a battering but that will be worth it too . Right feet back on the ground , although I feel better today I 'm still went to see my GP . Being so close to the weekend I 've decided not to take a chance and to get some antibiotics in case things decide to flare up again on Friday evening , which always seems to happen to me . After a through examination she decided that although I didn 't have an infection yet I had a slight wheeze and crackle on one side so has given me antibiotics as a precaution . This is what I like about my GP surgery , they 've begun to see the benefits in prevention rather than cure and as a result I 've had a lot less time off work this year . I was really sad to see that Prince Phillip has been admitted to hospital again . At ninety one I can 't help thinking he needs to ease up on his work load and start taking more care of himself . A lot of people do not like the Royal family , they believe they are free loaders , over privileged and cost us lots of money . I agree that there are some members who really should be given a kick up the backside , I can think of two Princesses for a start . However how many of these wingers would be happy to see themselves or a member of their family still working at that age ? Unlike normal people of their age the Queen and Prince Phillip will never be able to retire . They will literally work until they drop , surely that if nothing else deserves to be admired or at least respected . . Well I did watch Cleopatra right through from start to finish , what a brilliant film , no special effects , no aliens , no foul language , just pure class from start to finish . They really don 't make them like that anymore . This afternoon 's viewing will be less awe inspiring as I will be watching the opening episode of Celebrity Big Brother . I always watch the opening show to see if there really are any celebrities in it and as I will be doing the ironing at the same time I wanted something I didn 't have to think to much about . I decided to record it to get rid of all the annoying adverts , they could easily cut two hours down to one if they didn 't put in an ad break between each reveal . The other reason is because I am watching an absolutely brilliant serial on BBC2 at the moment called Vexed . It is a sort of comedy / drama about two police detectives who don 't get along . The characters are a bit formulaic but it is well written and quite funny in places . Worth a look if you get the chance 9pm BBC2 Wednesdays . Well as I said I have ironing and things to do before work tomorrow . At the moment I feel I am well enough to go so expect the next blog in four days . If however a blog appears tomorrow you 'll know that things are not quite what they should be . Andrew was going into London with some mates for a party and I was originally told that he wouldn 't be in for lunch , hence our plan to go out for a pub lunch . However he then announced that he wasn 't leaving until half past one so would be in for lunch . So we had a hastily made curry instead . The we decided that as half the day had gone we would put our plans on hold and celebrate today instead . Andrew wasn 't expected back until late afternoon . So we got our shopping and chores out of the way first and I was treated to a bottle of expensive perfume in John Lewis . We arrived home to a deserted house and settled in for a quiet night , possibly with a DVD and maybe even a glass of wine or two . I was even thinking take away as a rare treat then the door bell rang and standing on the doorstep was Andrew . Apparently some of the people at this party were not the type of people many would want to be around . He didn 't say anything but I got the impression that drugs might have been involved , so he decided to leave before things got out of hand and come home . Disappointing for him and frustrating for us but I 'd rather he come home that get involved in something that might affect his future . Today several things have conspired against us . Firstly Andrew being home but he doesn 't mind us going out and has said he will make his own lunch . Then the weather , any chance of taking pictures in the countryside are well and truly off due to rain and high winds . Finally there is me , I 'm having a bad day , a really , really bad day . Although my lungs are clear I 'm having difficulty breathing and , although I haven 't eaten a thing , I feel really full and bloated and anything I swallow make me feel even worse . I 'm hoping it is just an off day but I 've made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow just in case it is another infection brewing . Quite often the next day I 'll feel as though nothing happened and if that is the case I will cancel , as seeing my GP twice in four days is a little bit much , even for me . In the news it seems the ticket fiasco that dogged the Olympics is now causing problem for the Paralympics too . It seems that if you want to attend and are in a wheelchair you will have to sit on your own is the designated wheelchair area while you family will have to sit else where in the arena , and that could be right over the other side . If you are severely disabled one person may be allowed to sit with you , I 've no idea what they class as ' severely disabled ' , to me being in a wheelchair is disabled enough isn 't it ? So how are these wheelchair bound spectators meant to get to the toilets , get a drink , alert someone that they are not feeling well or take their medications ? Can I just remind you we are talking about disabled people going to watch disabled people here , crazy ! I 've no doubt this situation will be swiftly resolved once the public outcry alerts the powers that be what idiots they are being but it shouldn 't need an outcry to point this out . These are games for disabled people surely they expected disable people to want to go and watch . I still haven 't heard from Papworth regarding my ' urgent ' referral . Maybe they are hoping I pop my clogs before they get round to me . Sometimes it really feels as though that is the reason for all the delays . So I 've fired off another email to my specialists at the Brompton to ask what the hell is going on . It is not their fault , they did exactly what they promised . I 'm reluctant to phone Papworth myself as I don 't know who to shout at , and I don 't want to get myself in their bad books before I even see them by getting myself classed as an awkward patient . It is all very frustrating . In fact I 'd even class it as cruel . If they are going to turn me down I 'd rather know now than wait the six months it took Harefield to do the same . It was our 29th wedding anniversary yesterday but unfortunately Peter had to work so we are celebrating today instead . We are spending the whole day together doing fun things such a taking a long lazy lunch at a country pub and if the weather holds a stroll somewhere with our cameras . So excuse this blog for being a little shorter than usual . Laurence came to stay over the weekend as promised but I didn 't see much of him . I got home at 6 . 30 and he was away at 8 pm for a night out with his mates , I was in bed by the time he came in . We did manage a nice meal together before he went out though and had a nice chat over breakfast on Sunday morning . Still it was nice to have him around again even if it was only briefly . My knees are going down but the bruising has spread so I look like I 'm wearing a couple of sweat bands around them . A trip to the doctor revealed low blood pressure so I 've been given advice to not stand for long periods and to be careful getting up from a sitting or lying position . I have an appointment to see the Brompton next week so I 'll mention it to them , it could be that my meds need adjusting again . Although the Olympics have ended they are not out of the news yet as the BBC seems reluctant to let go . Our news bulletins were full of pictures of hung over athletes gathering at Heathrow to fly home . I wonder how long it will be before the euphoria wears off ? In other news more details are emerging in the Tia Sharp case . It appears she might have been smothered before being hidden in the loft . By all accounts this roof space was blazing hot and we all know that heat accelerates decomposition so how come no one smelt her during the initial searches ? It could be that this was a Shannon Matthews situation that went wrong or her body was moved , hence the arrest of the neighbour . Of course the most pressing question is why she was killed and I doubt very much that Stuart Hazell will ever tell us the real reason . What I found curious is that , despite his picture being shown on every news bulletin and splashed across countless newspapers , when he appeared in court by video link we got a court drawing . That seems to be a case of closing the barn door after the horse has bolted to me , I mean what was the point ? For those that don 't know or don 't remember Shannon went missing aged eight sparking a huge search and offers of large rewards for her safe return . However her mother 's acting skills were not up to much and police got suspicious . Shannon was found twenty days later hidden and drugged in the storage space of a double bed at her uncle 's house . Shannon was taken into care and mother and uncle jailed . The pair cooked up the plan of the uncle suddenly ' finding ' Shannon and claiming the reward which they 'd split between them . I cannot imagine anyone would copy such a stupid plan but there are some very stupid people about and to be fair neither Stuart Hazell or Tia 's grandmother look very bright . The news that really excited me though is the discovery of two , or possibly more , pyramids in the Egyptian dessert . Not everyone is enamored by Google but this time their Google Earth cameras seem to have come up trumps by discovering something that is invisible from the ground . As a lover of everything Ancient Egyptian I am beside myself and cannot wait for these discoveries to be examined by archaeologists . They have obviously lain undiscovered for thousands of years so there is a good chance that if they are pyramids they will be intact . Maybe their contents will top those of Tutankhamen . And who is in them ? We know that lots of Pharaohs have not been discovered , could we soon be adding a few more to our list ? if you want to see these amazing pictures for yourself just follow the link . http : / / news . sky . com / story / 971892 / two - new - pyramids - found - on - google - earth Over the last two weeks I 've watched , in no particular order , tennis , boxing gymnastics , running , cycling , swimming , BMX , canoing , kayaking , shooting , archery , mountain biking , pentathlon , decathlon , heptathlon , long jump , high jump , triple jump , marathon and diving . At each event I was on the edge of my seat willing Team GB to come away with a medal and by an large they did . I 'd rush home form work each night and sit watching until forced to bed by Peter . I 'd avidly read every word in the papers the next day and constantly checked the medals table to see how we were doing . While I watched the opening ceremony with a sense of dread , vowing it would be the only thing I 'd be watching I slowly got drawn in as the medals started to arrive . Last night I sat down in eager anticipation and a sense of sadness that what was to come would be magnificent but also the final breathes of a wonderful event . I must say it didn 't disappoint and was a wacky as the opening ceremony , if not slightly more so . To be honest the first half hour was , well boring and slightly confusing but it soon picked up . I loved the fact that the loudest singing was to Eric Idle 's ' Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life ' . I was amused at Boris Johnson , London 's mayor , bopping away enthusiastically to the Spice Girls , though I must admit to a secret longing for one of them to fall off the top of her taxi . George Michael was a surprise and John Lennon was very fitting , and really should have been the last song . It was a little spooky having John and Freddie Mercury appearing in digital form but both represented the talent we have lost while Jessie J and her mates showed all too clearly that the ability to sing is no longer needed to be a pop star . My one grip was letting Jessie perform with Queen , Queen songs require a powerful but melodious voice not a screeching banshee . Tom Jones , George Michael or even Meatloaf would have been better . There were the weird bits of course , a giant octopus for one , Russell Brand for another , though he was quite good , and Del and Rodney as Batman and Robin , though I suspect that bit was lost on our foreign visitors . And Darcy Bussell on fire flying into the arena . Thankfully Paul McCartney was shelved this time but we got Roger Daltry instead . He was better but only slightly . Now it is all over and the cauldron is now dark and silent . Do they light it again for the Paralympics I wonder ? They must do , mustn 't they ? Only another two weeks until we find out . There will be less coverage , though I don 't see why that should be , but I will be rushing home again each night to see how we are doing . So what was my favourite , most defining moment of the games ? Well it has to be Andy Murray winning the tennis , not just because I am a fan but because he over came a personal stumbling block called Roger Federer and has finally silenced his doubters , well most of them anyway . Next year 's Wimbledon could be very different as Murray goes into it as the Olympic champion , and hopefully with renewed confidence . Tom Daley came a very close second . This week the excitement was provided by . . . me ! I took a bit of a tumble in the locker room and couldn 't get up . One minute I was opening my locker to put my stuff away , the next I was on the floor with all my stuff scattered around me . I sat for a moment contemplating my situation and realised I was stuck as there was nothing for me to hang on to on which I could pull myself up . I waited for a while hoping someone would come in but being six on a Saturday evening it was a forlorn hope so I had to phone my office to summon help . And boy did help come , I immediately heard footsteps and voices shouting as two of my colleagues burst into the room . I felt such a fool . After making sure I was OK I was hauled to my feet by one of my male colleagues and escorted to my car in case I went over again . Looking back it was hilarious but I 'm slightly worried as I don 't remember what happened . I have swellings the size of eggs on both knees which are a fetching shade of purple and a large bruise on my hip so I obviously hit the floor hard . I will be calling the doctor to get myself checked out . In the news no one can have missed or be moved by the murder of Tia Sharp . I hate to say this but I had Stuart Hazell pegged from the moment I saw him . It is nearly always a family member or someone close to the family that ends up being the offender . Is the grandmother involved ? Well I really cannot see how she didn 't know something was wrong . My guess is both will eventually be charged and hopefully locked up for life . While I am writing this I am waiting for a phone call from Andrew . He went to a party at a friends house and elected to spend the night so he could have a drink or two . A wise move I 'm sure you 'll agree but annoying when you 've been up since seven waiting for a call that still hasn 't come two hours later . Had a very interesting postbag this morning . Firstly my results came back from the Warfarin clinic saying I don 't have to see them again until October 16th , that 's ten whole weeks . For a needle phobic there really couldn 't be much better news . The second letter is from the Brompton asking me to go in and see my consultant in two weeks . This is a bit of a surprise as I wasn 't meant to see him again until the end of September . Now of course I 'm worrying that he may have bad news to tell me and doesn 't want to do it over the phone . I 'm not sure what I 'm going to do if Papworth have said no . I am back to full working order and have had two days of normal meals without any problems so I 'm planning a return to work tomorrow . In a strange way I 'm rather looking forward to it , it will take my mind off my appointment for a start . Being home on your days off are usually enjoyable and because of this you can never pack in everything you want to do in . Being home because you are ill is not fun at all especially when the house is full of noise , dust and strange smells and you are banned from the bathroom for long periods of time . So today is going to be a day of getting ready in between watching TV . To be fair I had already washed and ironed my work stuff ages ago so all I need to do is make sure Andrew and Peter don 't starve while I 'm at work . I usually make a couple of tubs of pasta sauce ( different ones of course ) and pop them in the fridge , then all they have to do is boil up some pasta and blast the sauce in the microwave . Of late though Andrew has experimented with cooking bacon , eggs and sausages . He says he is practicing for uni , which is good , but a vegetable or two won 't go amiss . Haven 't we done well , several records broken , the best ever haul of medals in an Olympics and still five days to go . No wonder other countries are looking at us as if something strange is happening . Great Britain has become used to being the nearly man , ' nearly ' winning Wimbledon , ' nearly ' winning football etc , etc and suddenly we are leaving everyone else behind . If we are so good at all these other sports isn 't it time we saw more of them on mainstream TV ? Talking of seeing more on mainstream TV , are the paralympics going to get as much coverage as the main event ? I certainly think they should , after all have the athletes taking part worked any less hard ? Or might they just have worked that little bit harder ? In the news , new pictures of the Loch Ness Monster . Having done the maths this poor creature must about three hundred years old by now . I have to admit the new picture is very convincing but photography is no longer the medium that doesn 't lie . Now I 'm not saying the photograph has been manipulated but making it public at the height of the tourist season seems just a little too fortuitous to me . Well the trip to the warfarin clinic was unusually short and sweet this morning . My bottom had barely brushed the seat when my name was called . I mentioned how few people were in compared to my last visit and was told by a rather world weary nurse that it was the ' Olympics effect ' . Apparently outpatients appointments are being cancelled left , right and center because people would rather be watching the sport than sitting in a smelly clinic waiting to be jabbed . Who 'd have thought it ! On the down side the minute the Olympics finish the clinic is going to be over run . I hope my appointment is another ten week one , I suspect September will be hell . Had a phone call from Laurence last night . He was asking if it were all right for him to sleep over on Saturday as he is planning to hit the town with his mates and didn 't want to travel all the way back to his . Of course I am delighted to have him back under my roof again , even if it is for just one night . I 'm getting excited already . It seems our medal success has provoked a bit of moaning from our French and Australian cousins who are finding it hard to believe how good we are in certain events . The Australians sound positively shell shocked and are blaming their poor showing on the fact that most of their coaches have been lured abroad to take charge of their rivals . Meanwhile the French have hinted at possible cheating going on , especially in the cycling events . The French representatives deny they are accusing us of using drugs but are miffed that Team GB cover their bike wheels at the end of events . This is not unusual as many teams do the same but the French don 't like it . What a shame ! I was so pleased to read about this story in the paper this morning . This is the story of an unemployed graduate who , as part of the governments new ' Back To Work ' programme was told to attend work experience at Poundland for a few weeks . Now before I go any further this scheme only applies to those classed as long term unemployed , and this woman had been out of work for going on two years . In a fit of pique she claimed that the scheme was akin to slavery and breached her human rights and promptly took the government to court . What she actually meant was that she considered working in Poundland beneath her . Yesterday her case was thrown out of court , brilliant ! Yes the DWP were found to be at fault for not making things clearer in their correspondence about the scheme , but then when have the DWP been clear about anything . However in the DWP 's defense , many are sick to death of paying taxes just so perfectly healthy human beings can live on benefits doing absolutely nothing to earn them . I for one welcome such schemes and to be fair anyone claiming money from the public purse should comply with any conditions applied to it . In other news NASA are going crazy celebrating the safe landing of their Rover on the surface of Mars . Now although an exciting event it isn 't really up there with the great achievements of all time is it . In 1969 we landed a man on the moon , I know I watched it , and Concorde took its first flight , and in 1981 the first space shuttle was launched . All three involved technology that is no longer available to us , most due to cost . Each one , in my opinion , is a far greater achievement than the landing of a mini on Mars . I am venturing out today for a brief shopping trip . Now that Andrew is back on form we are being eaten out of house and home again so the cupboards need some serious stocking up . Of course now the dust from his holiday and illness has settled his thoughts are turning to university and I 'm detecting a slight show of nerves . He keeps talking about clearing as though he expects to have to go through it . He 's also mentioned getting a job for a year and resiting his exams with the intention of trying again next year . I 'm hoping it is all just nerves but if it isn 't then I 'll be here for him . Yes it was an amazing achievement but others won gold this weekend apart from Jessica Ennis . I don 't wish to put her down in anyway , it is not her fault , but she is only one of many medal winners this weekend so why is she the only one to be constantly on the front pages of our newspapers . I find the fact that other winners are being ignored very rude and frankly insulting . Could it possibly be because she is not only a great athlete but is also pretty , when some of the other winners are less photogenic ? I do hope the obsession with looks is not encroaching its way into sport as well . This question was put by one of the columnists in my paper this morning and it is one that is worth debating . For too long now the vacuous , plastic world of ' celebrity ' has been at the fore front of our children 's ambitions . Most think that the way to becoming famous and earning pots of money is to appear on a reality show or marry a footballer . This of course requires no effort as long as you have a pretty face and a self obsession of terrifying proportions . The Olympics are showing youngsters that there are other ways to the top but will they take up the challenge ? The people we see on the podiums day after day have worked hard since very young for their brief moment of glory and this is where we reach a sticking point . Most of today 's youngsters don 't want to work hard for something , they expect it to fall into their lap . So will we see an increased uptake of sport ? Yes I expect we will for a while then the reality will set in and all but a few will go back to playing video games , eating crisps and dreaming of being old enough to apply for Big Brother . Sad but true . I was in the queue with my trolley of approx thirty items when this business type woman came behind me with just two items so , as I have done many times before , I asked her if she wanted to go ahead of me , which she did . She then left without a word of thanks , just paid and left . Even the girl working on the checkout commented on how rude the woman had been . Apart from being angry I was really shocked . I 've let every sort of person past me , some who look as though they 'd rip your head off soon as look at you , and all have said thanks . And yet a respectable looking , suited woman in her mid forties totally ignored me . No wonder people are so horrible to each other when even those you expect to be polite can 't be bothered . Unfortunately she has made me think twice about making this gesture in the future . I probably still will but if you are a business woman in a suit expect to be ignored . Well I 've gone from not caring about the Olympics , and being slightly miffed that all my favourite programmes have either been moved or stopped altogether , to ' wow ' in the space of one evening . Yes I 've been pleased when hearing about our sports people winning medals , and I did watch Murray storm to the final and a guaranteed silver but I 've been fairly unmoved up to now . Like most of the nation I was on the edge of my seat watching Mo Farrar last night and our planned film night went down the drain yet again . I can officially announce I am feeling a lot , lot better . I managed my first proper meal yesterday and enjoyed every morsel . I 'm going for something a little more substantial today and I 'm eating fruit by the bucket load . I 'm still having the odd wobbly moment , which is a bit strange , but on the whole I 've got my old zing back . Of course now that I 'm feeling better I 've got all the jobs I 've put off facing me and foremost is a pile of bedding and towels to be washed and dried . I did the ironing yesterday , well most of it , but by tonight there will be another pile waiting in the wings . Still I have four days to catch up so I don 't need to go for it hammer and tongs . Talking of Andrew his rash has cleared up nicely and had been reduced to a few spots here and there . We are all very relieved not least that neither Peter or myself caught it . I 'm giving it one more day and then he is going to get a great big hug . We are at the mid point and we haven 't been attacked in any shape or form . Now it might be that the sight of an aircraft carrier in the Thames is enough to put off the most determined terrorist but I doubt it . Although it is good to be careful , and in this day and age security is a must , I 'm now wondering if we have gone just a little bit overboard . We have rocket launchers on top of tower blocks for goodness sake . Do the powers that be really think an attack is going to be as obvious as someone trying to fly a plane into the stadium ? Any terrorist , or loan nutter , as there are plenty of them about too , worth his salt will not be an obvious source of threat . Let 's face it , you walk in with ' I am a terrorist ' on your tee shirt you are going to find yourself in a cell being strip searched before you can draw breathe . If an attack comes it will be carried out by the most normal looking person in the building but with a bit of luck the second half of the games will be as peaceful as the first . Before I finish OW I just want to point out how sad some people really are . We have had a fantastic week of sport . Sports that are never normally seen on British TV are being shown and vast numbers are watching them . However after the best day of the games for Team GB so far , six golds , there are still people saying that their whole weekend is ruined because the football team are out of the competition . I am speechless . Do you remember me saying a few blogs back how delighted I was to find a pair of original wooden Scholls . Well I 've fallen out of love with them big time after one slipped off my foot yesterday and clouted me on the ankle then caused immense pain as I stepped on it sideways . The bruise is a sight to see and my foot still aches . I don 't remember doing that in my twenties . For five glorious minutes this morning I considered going into work as I felt really well . However this idea was swiftly sat on by Peter who has told me that work is out of the question until I 've had a day of eating proper meals . He is right of course and often steps in to save me from myself . So today I 'm making a determined effort to try and eat normally . You know what it is like though , you just start feeling really well and want to keep that feeling and so food sort of becomes the enemy . You know that eating might make you feel ill again so you start avoiding it . Now I love my food , always have , so this is a worrying development but one I 'm not going to let take hold . Finally heard from the Brompton regarding my transplant referral . They are disgusted that I still haven 't heard from Papworth and are going to do some chasing for me . I am to let them know if I still haven 't heard anything by the end of next week . I have found a new ally in the road back to normality , watermelon ! This stuff is ideal , it is light , tasty , not acidic and full of liquid and is going down a treat . I 've eaten at least half of a whacking big one already and Peter only brought it home at tea time last night . Today I am planning my first proper meal , a light pasta with a delicate tomato sauce , minus the garlic and chilli 's I normally add . If I can keep that down I know I 'm on to a winner . Andy Murray is guaranteed at least a silver medal after beating Djokovic in the semi 's yesterday . I am ecstatic ! He will be meeting Federer in a final yet again , time for revenge I wonder ? The only thing I can find to complain about today is the banning of Pimms at Wimbledon . Why ? Because they manufacturers are not official sponsors of course , pathetic isn 't it . There are still empty seats but not so many now as spares are now being sold nightly online and for as low as a fiver , now if they had only done this from the start we wouldn 't have had any empty seats at all . Andrew 's rash has all but disappeared overnight . He 's gone from looking like a smallpox victim to your average acned teenager in a matter of hours . He even managed to have a shower , a great relief for all , which he has been unable to do up to now as his skin was so sore . Isn 't it typical , the moment I start feeling better the heavens open and the rain starts pouring and an afternoon on the decking with a good book has been shelved . So I 'm looking at another afternoon of slobbing in front of the TV but fed up with doing absolutely nothing I 'm going to combine watching with ironing , not too much , but a small start on the mountain that has built up over the last week , yes I can tell Andrew is back . I have been ordered not to touch the bathroom , an order I can easily obey as polishing grout off tiles is hardly my favourite occupation . In the news the mother of Mark Duggan , whose death sparked last years riots , is claiming he was ' assassinated ' by police . How ridiculous a statement is that , and how irresponsible . Her comments are stirring up ' feelings ' in those who would like nothing better than another excuse for more civil unrest . An excuse this women is plainly handing to them on a plate by advertising a memorial service for Duggan on Sunday as though he were some hero . Now I am not going to say his death wasn 't sad and I am not going to say the police get it right all the time but in this case I don 't believe they had much choice . Duggan was a serial offender who was known for violence , he refused to cooperate with the police and had in his possession a gun which despite warnings he refused to put down and repeatedly pointed at police . Yes the death shouldn 't have happened but Duggan was not the total innocent in all this and at least partially contributed to his own death . Hero he definitely is not . Well I 've now moved on to tomato soup and banana 's , not together you understand . Again small amounts but I 'm picking up on the frequency . I 'm still a bit nauseous if I 've eaten too much but mostly everything has settled down nicely . I really fancied a cheese sandwich around five yesterday evening and took an hour to pluck up courage to try half of one . Not a bad reaction but I think I might wait another day before trying a full one . The tea is interspersed with barely there blackcurrant squash and I 've started on the Complan again to try and give myself a bit of a boost as I 'm still incredibly wobbly . I dared to weigh myself this morning and was pleased to see I 've only lost five pounds but it still means another up hill battle to put the weight back on . Unfortunately good news is almost always accompanied by bad and cyclists Victoria Pendleton and Jess Varnish were disqualified from the inaugural women 's team sprint for an illegal change during their second - round contest with Ukraine . What a shame , cycling was one of the events we were almost guaranteed medals in . There was also controversy surrounding the mens win after the youngest of the group implied he 'd fallen off deliberately to force a restart when the he didn 't get off quickly enough on the first attempt . This has now been dismissed as a misunderstanding and ' language problems ' as Philip Hindes has only been learning English for a couple of years . Even so there is a slight taint to the win now and if anyone really does fall off in the early stages of a race in future they are likely to be looked at very carefully . Andrew is looking better , the rash is not so red or sore and his throat is completely fine now , thank goodness for that . Now he can talk he is chattering on about his holiday and has shown us some pictures . I 'd never thought of Bulgeria as a holiday destination but it is so beautiful , and has lots to see and do apparently . However it is not disabled friendly , lots of stairs and steps , cobbled roads and very little of it is flat . Maybe one for after the transplant then . Talking of which despite several emails and messages left on answer phones there has not been a peep out of the Brompton . A fellow PH sufferer has given me the number of the PALS admin person to get in touch with which I will be doing today . I must say though it is unusual for my PH team not to get back to me within a day or two , they are usually very good . Another PH sufferer has advised I also contact Papworth 's transplant team to see what is going on . I don 't feel I can do that yet though as I haven 't had it confirmed that my referral has gone though . It is all highly frustrating I must say . I am finding it hard to find news stories worth discussing at the moment . The Olympics are all consuming and very little other news is getting through . This is another thing I do not like about the way the media , the BBC in particular , are covering the games . I keep missing things I want to see because they will give a time but not a channel . Or they will give such a large time range that you can 't watch all the way through and quiet often they cut what you are watching to move to something else . It is very irritating . Now I appreciate that there is a lot going on and it is very difficult to show everything but if they have started a particular competition they should at least stick with it until the final stages . In desperation I have switched to other channels in the hope of finding out what is going on beyond London at the moment but they are all equally obsessed and real news is now confined to a five minute round up at the end . What did catch my eye was the report that Kofi Annan has given up on his attempts to broker peace in Syria . If Kofi Annan gives up on you , you know you are in trouble . At least the weather is getting a rest , it being our usual national obsession . I am feeling so much better today . Still wobbly on my feet and as weak as a kitten but better . I have stuck to white toast , tea . porridge and plain potato mash but it has all stayed down which is reassuring . I 've even managed to take my warfarin again , something which was just not happening Monday and Tuesday . We got GOLD ! At last ! And not just one but two . Well done Heather , Helen and Bradley . Let 's hope this is the start of a golden shower . For other countries the news was not so good as three Badminton teams were kicked out of the Olympics for cheating , well sort of . China , South Korea and Indonesia all saw their womens teams kicked out after some very dodgy play in last night 's events . So what did they actually do ? Well as I understand it they tried to manipulate the play offs by throwing matches in order to get a more favourable draw in the next round . Each team decided they did not want to meet their own countries in the play offs as that would mean only one team from their country going higher . Not actually cheating but certainly a manipulation of the contest by anyones standards . They are appealing of course but I doubt they have much chance of returning to the competition . It is such a shame that athletes or their countries , for I have no doubt the idea came from further up the feeding chain , feel they have to resort to such tactics to do well . And would they ever really be happy with the win knowing how it was gained ? Andrew 's rash is not only spreading but getting worse . His hands are so sore he hasn 't been able to unpack yet . On the plus side his throat has all but cleared up and he is tucking in to anything he can get his teeth around like there is no tomorrow . I 've been carefully examining my hands and feet for early signs but so far I appear to have been successful in avoiding it , whatever it is . I 'm still thinking allergic reaction to something as he feels fine in himself and as it is his hands and face that are mostly affected I 'm thinking a contact allergy rather than something he 's swallowed . The lovely Japanese couple are going abroad for four years because of work commitments so they have rented their house out and the new couple appear to be moving in today . I haven 't seen anyone yet but there are lots of vans arriving and departing and strange cars parked outside . I hope they are nice people , we have been very lucky with our neighbours so far and I 'm really hoping this new lot won 't break the trend . Peter is in work for the next couple of days so Andrew has been given orders not to let me over do it so it is another day in front of the TV . At least I 've now moved from bed to settee so a definite improvement . Andrew is still keeping his distance but we can sit in the same room and talk now even if it is in chairs on opposite sides of the room . . Still heard nothing from Papworth regarding the transplant assessment so I 've fired off an email to the Brompton to ask them to chase . It appears an ' urgent ' referral must mean something different in hospital circles than to us mere mortals . It is so unfair that ill people are kept waiting and stressed out all the time by those that are meant to be helping us . If I ruled the NHS , grrrr ! Andrew is not allergic to penicillin but the rash is linked to the virus he 's picked so he is now taking antivirals as well . He looks a mess today but assures me he is feeling better and he has been able to swallow some solid food at last . He is still keeping as far away from me as possible to the extent of talking to me from the corridor rather than coming into the bedroom and sitting on the bed as he 'd normally do . It is very considerate but also very sad . I am now able to drink and keep down tea . Anything else comes back up immediately so I 'm sticking with tea for today so at least I 'll get my hydration back up to normal . I 've also managed to keep down my anti sickness tablet so when that kicks in I 'm hoping for a vast improvement . My problem is that I tread such a fine line between sick and not sick with my meds than any sickness bug sends me right over the edge and it take ages to gain back my equilibrium . I think I 'm going to have to throw in the towel with this one and forget about work altogether until I can get my stomach settled again . As for my weight gain well from the way my PJ 's are hanging off me I 'm guessing I 'm going to have to start the battle from scratch as I think I 'm even lighter now than when I started the first time . How frustrating is that ? I have very little to say on this matter today as I haven 't been keeping up with news or papers over the last day or two . I have had the TV on in the bedroom for most of the day though and have seen more of the games than I ever intended to . I enjoyed the women 's gymnastics , such as shame there was no medal . This blog is essentially so that my widely scattered family and friends can keep up with all that is happening since I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 . If reading because you also have PH or know someone who does , I hope this blog will show that it is possible to enjoy life with a serious illness . I also hope it will offer some support and information along the way . Since starting this blog I have now been accepted on the list for transplant . Take careHazel I have been married for 28 years and have two strapping sons . I am small but universally described as scary , determined and tenacious . Diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 I am generally an optimist and believe everything happens for a reason .
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My library card number is 14 digits long . It took me under a month to memorize that . The part of my bank card number that I need to memorize is 12 digits long . I got this bank card in fall 2000 , and I still haven 't managed to memorize that number . American Woman by Susan Choi . Yet another novel that is a good book , but I am not the best audience for it . It 's the story of the daughter of a wealthy family who is kidnapped by a group of radicals in 1970s America , and eventually turns to their cause . The story is told from the perspective of another radical who is in hiding but gets drawn into this incident . I think it 's a novel better appreciated by someone who lived through that time , especially since it 's apparently based on a real event ( which I wouldn 't have known about without Google ) . There 's a good deal of indirect commentary on things like gender , race , and sexuality , but again those aren 't Issues in my life like they were at the time . It works if you read it from a historical perspective , but I don 't know if it 's intended that way . The story itself is quite good , although it fizzles out at the end . I think the author was going for Meaningful and Symbolic at the end , but it didn 't quite work for me . Still worth reading from the library though . I 'm not actively involved in academia at the moment so I don 't know how much my opinion on this matter counts , but I 've decided I don 't like turnitin . com . It seems to me that there is a finite amount of things that can be said on any given topic , and there is an even more finite ( can there be degrees of finiteness ? ) amount of things that the typical undergrad would be inclined to say on any given topic . There is also a finite number of ways that any given idea can be expressed in a particular language . If you have every student run every paper through turnitin . com , and you compare all papers to all previous papers , eventually there are going to be some matches that are pure coincidence . I 'm sure I 'm not the first person to think of using this particular thesis with these particular supporting points in my first essay for first - year English Lit , and someone else writing on the exact same topic might use one or two of the same turns of phrase as I do . The mroe papers are added to the database , the greater the chance of a coincidental match ? So what will happen to the first student who dilligently writes an essay in their own words , but it ends up getting flagged by turnitin . com . How will they convince the prof that they are being honest ? Will their academic career be ruined ? Posted by [ Disclaimer : The following post is about semantics and branding . It also happens to mention abortion . However , it is not intended as commentary on abortion , or to invite commentary on abortion . It is intended only to comment on linguistic issues . ] The problem , from a branding point of view , with the label " pro - choice " is that " choice " is not a very strong word , especially considering that the opposite lobby calls itself " pro - life " . " Life " is very strong , meaningful word . It is a Big Important Concept . If you were doing some kind of layout or design thing incorporating words that represent Big Important Universal Concepts , the word " life " would be on there . The word " Choice " probably would not . If we momentarily forgot all knowledge of the significance of these words to the abortion issue and asked , " What is more important , Life or Choice ? " most people would probably choose the word " life " . Consider the ubiquitous phrase " a woman 's right to choose " . Again , if we remove all familiarity with this phrase 's significance to the abortion issue , it sounds rather weak . Choosing is a banal everyday activity . Coffee or tea ? Apple or orange ? " Right to life " sounds much stronger than " right to choose " , especially since it would be very easy to argue that even if a person cannot choose whether to terminate a pregnancy , they still have the right to choose many many other things . The keyword for a label like this should be selected with the target audience in mind . Who is the target audience for the pro - abortion movement ? People who don 't believe that a woman should be allowed to terminate her pregnancy if she feels it necessary to do so . That 's right , people who would consider an abortion are NOT the target audience , people who are unilaterially opposed to abortion ARE . The phrases " pro - choice " and " a woman 's right to choose " were doubtless created with respect for the complexity of the issues and the many many factors involved in a decision of whether or not to terminate a pregnancy , as well as respect for the fact that only those directly involved can be fully qualified to make such a monumental decision , and then only for their specific situation . They are very careful , respectful phrases , created with those who could not say they would never get an abortion in mind . The problem is that this is not the target audience . The target audience is much less likely to see it as a complex problem , much less likely to see it as a set of factors to be carefully weighed . The target audience is more likely to see abortion as Something You Don 't Do . Period . The phrase " a woman 's right to choose " alienate the target audience in two ways . First , it gives the impression that they mean " right to choose whether to have an abortion " , which , to someone who is opposed to abortion , would give the impression that they trivialize the importance of abortion . " Choosing " might make it sound like they 're eeny - meeny - miny - moing rather than weighing a complex set of factors . After all , we also " choose " whether to have a bagel or a muffin for breakfast . Upon further reflection it becomes clear that " Right to choose " means " right to choose whether to be pregnant , whether to be a parent for the rest of my life , whether to burden an innocent human being with this set of problems " , choosing one 's path in life more than choosing one single action , but people aren 't likely to put this much analysis into something they firmly believe is unconditionally wrong . To the target audience , " choice " would seem rather trival compared with the other factors at play . The other way the phrase " woman 's right to choose " alienates its target audience is by its reference to a woman 's right . Of course , we all know that , as of this writing , only women can become pregnant so therefore only women can have abortions , but the emphasis on the concept of women serves to alienate men from the pro - choice lobby . The pro - life lobby has no such alienating phrases . Now I know that there are a great many men who are pro - choice even though it doesn 't involve them as directly , just as a great many people everywhere in the world campaign for causes that do not involve them directly . But I 'm sure there are also some men who perceive pro - choice as A Women 's Issue , and therefore do not pay it as much attention . This isn 't because of misogyny or bigotry or ignorance , but rather a sort of mundane everyday selfishness that we all have . For example , I think having the option to send one 's child to daycare or to stay home and raise one 's child oneself is important , but I 'm not about to get up and march at a demonstration about it because it simply does not affect my life . Similarly , marking pro - choice as A Woman 's Issue probably makes some men , even if the fully believe that it is important for abortion to be available , less inclined to actively do something about it . So how should pro - choice brand itself ? I don 't have an answer to that . But to compete with the Big Idea of " LIFE " , they need a word that 's stronger than " choice " . Something freedom - esque perhaps . But the most important thing in such a rebranding would be to keep in mind that their target audience is NOT the people who are already on their side . Countries should decide whether to get involved in any particular military action through a secret - ballot referendum of all the members of its armed forces . The members of the armed forces are given all the information available , even that which is not available to the general public ( because that 's what security clearance is for ) , and then they decide for themselves whether it 's a worthwhile cause . Possible variation : votes are weighted based on how close to the action the voter would be ( although that does take away some of the secrecy of the secret ballot ) . So the votes of people whose job is to be cannon fodder would be worth more than the votes of people whose job is to sit in an office in another continent . A weird thing about The Sims is that the option to tickle people shows up quite often . IRL , why on earth would one adult tickle another adult ? Possibly within a very intimate context , but it 's hardly a standard social interaction like " talk " or " joke " . OMFG . The Toronto Star is spelling the word " grey " as " gray " . I don 't know if this is new or if I just noticed it today , but it 's SACRILIGE ! ! ! ! This is disgusting and obscene ! Grey is spelled with an E in Canada , and that 's final ! Get a CANADIAN style guide already ! I don 't know how it does it , but this sportsbra I bought ( of which I 'm not going to mention the name because it 's been discontinued and I don 't know that there aren 't people my size reading this ) a ) prevents anything from moving around , at all , ever , even while kickboxing ( yes , I tried a slightly toned - down form of kickboxing in the dressing room ) , b ) makes my breasts point upward , hence making my whole torso look slimmer , and c ) looks completely smooth under a tight t - shirt . So obviously they have to discontinue it . I found one in my size , but I really want a second so I can have one for exercising and one for normal wear , rather than having to wear a sweaty bra whenever I want to wear an unforgiving top . Idiots ! It 's a break , it 's in the winter , why is this an issue ? Why do they have to even have a big meeting about it ? I 'll bet if they just quietly printed " winter break " on the calendar , no one would even notice . And newsflash to Ms . Scott : ceasing to exclude non - xians does not equal excluding xianity . She sounds a tad insecure in her xianity . I don 't know why I found myself attracted to so many impractical items , I don 't know why I found myself attracted to so many clothes , period ! I don 't know why I felt inclined to buy brightly coloured dresses to wear to work , and I don 't know why I 'm constantly tempted to stray from the range of Colours That Work . I 'm weird today . The other problem with laundry is it takes up the whole day . It makes that day Laundry Day . At my parents ' , laundry was my favourite chore because I could throw the stuff in the machine , go about my business , attend to the machines when I heard them stop , and do the folding while watching TV . Here I have to change into Laundry Clothes ( at my parents ' enough loads of laundry were done that it didn 't matter what I wore , it would be washed again by the next time I needed to wear it ) , find loonies and quarters , lug my stuff downstairs through public hallways , and watch the clock . At my parents ' , if I was a bit late collecting my laundry , someone would put the machine on air fluff until I could attend to it . Here , people ( rightfully ) take my clothes out and stack them on top of the machine . It 's rapidly becoming one of my least favourite chores . ( Taking out the recycling is still my very least favourite , followed closely by dishes ) . By comparison , vacuuming and washing the floors is nothing . What on earth does one private individual need 5 , 700 rounds of ammunition for ? I know virtually nothing about firearms , but doesn 't posessing 5 , 700 rounds of ammunition imply that he intends to fire a firearm 5 , 700 times ? Why on earth would anyone need to do that " for personal use " ? Interesting day on the comics page . BD from Doonesbury was wounded in Iraq ( and I have a hunch they 're going to kill him off ) , and in Get Fuzzy , Rob 's cousin lost a leg in Iraq . Posted by Apparently it 's 19 degrees out right now . At 6 : 30 am ! And it 's supposed to go up to 24 ! Whatever do I wear ? I 've forgotten how to dress for this weather ? It occurred to me recently why The Phantom Menace is not a good Star Wars movie . ( Yes , I realize I 'm about five years late on this ) . The problem is not Jar - Jar Binks or George Lucas ' hubris or trade disagreements or favouring showing off their computer fx technology over storytelling . The main , key reason why this is not a good Star Wars movie is because I did not leave the theatre wanting to be a Jedi when I grow up . Every other Star Wars movie , even upon the umpteenth viewing , has left me with fantasies of lightsabre duels and Jedi mind tricks and using the Force to accio * random objects . Just last night I watched Empire Strikes Back on TV , with commercial interruptions , while reading a newspaper and doing the dishes and playing computer games , and it still left me in a mood where if I were 15 years younger I would be spending the rest of the week dressed up in my bathrobe and pretending an old wrapping paper tube is a lightsabre . But Phantom Menace , upon first viewing in the theatre , upon the first time in my life that I 've ever seen the words " a long time ago in a galaxy far , far away . . . " on a big screen , did not leave me wanting to be a Jedi . That is its inherent problem . I just finished Life of Pi ( yes , I was a tad belated in getting to this book ) , and the verdict is yes , it does live up to the hype . It didn 't make me believe in God , but except for the occasional mention of spiders ( not entirely gratuitous , but unnecessary to the plot , and non - panic inducing and non - nightmare inducing but still mildly icky ) I have no complaints . However , I don 't have anything productive to say either , except that I really enjoyed the book . I 'm sure it stands up to all kinds of analysis and symbolism and shit , but that 's not my department . Good book , quite enjoyable , made me chuckle out loud on occasion , and made me produce a gamut of facial expressions that I 'm sure amused my fellow subway passengers . A prophet looks into the Fates and foresees that " You are going to fall off a cliff " , and despite the fact that you make every effort to avoid cliffs , you do end up falling off a cliff because it has always been your destiny . A pseudo - prophet , in a moment of malice , says " You are going to fall off a cliff ! " , and , despite your best efforts to avoid cliffs , you eventually do fall off one because the pseudo - prophet said you would . With the prophet , it has always been your fate ; with the pseudo - prophet it only became your fate because the pseudo - prophet said so . Props to Svend Robinson for either the best crisis management that I 've seen in quite a while . A politician steals a piece of jewelry and has the entire country , myself included , on his side . If this is , in fact , entirely Mr . Robinson 's doing ( as opposed to him following someone else 's script ) , then he can have a lovely career ahead of him as a crisis management consultant . Santa Rita Reserve Chardonnay . This wine shattered any illusions that I might have had about having acquired any wine - tasting skills whatsoever . First of all , it didn 't taste like Chardonnay to me , it tasted like a slightly acidic Sauv . Blanc . I could not taste any oak , but the label described it as oaky . I guess this is because I 'm not sure what oak tastes like - in my mind I associate the taste of oak ( and the taste of Chardonnay ) with Henry of Pelham Chardonnay , but I don 't know if this is actually a legitimate comparison . There was a certain quality to this wine that I would describe as bright , fruity , acidic , and a bit of a " tangy zip " . I don 't know if this is acidity , or if it 's some weird fruitiness like pineapple , or what . I didn 't quite like this quality , but pairing the wine with a certain food might eliminate it . Unfortunately I have no idea what food to pair it with . Being vegetarian makes it hard to explore food / wine pairing because most recommended pairings are meat , and if I want to master such a subjective skill ( as I 'm doing with wine tasting and , to a lesser extent , literature appreciation ) I have to start with what is generally accepted as " good " . 1 . Wine - tasting Training Shots : A liqueur - like drink ( possibly non - alcoholic so as not to interfere with the art of tasting ) that tastes like one , and only one , of the standard aspects of wine . Perhaps it should taste like a red or white wine with that aspect . For example " Tannic Cab . Sauv . " or " Oaky Chardonnay " . Aspiring tasters can drink a shot of just one flavour and master that taste . This would make it much easier than trying to glean the individual tastes from a wine that has seven different aspects . ( I don 't even know the correct word for what I 'm refering to as " aspects " ) . 2 . Vegetarian food and wine pairing system . Or a junk food food and wine pairing system , just for fun . Or a website where you type in the wine you have and it recommends foods ( or vice versa ) , and you can set restrictions to the type of food . 1 . The Creepy Dream : Mi cielito kept breaking into my apartment and vandalizing things when I wasn 't home , and he wouldn 't explain to me why . Then I found out he had put these things - those round sticky things with wires coming out of them that they sometimes stick to the bodies of people they 're doing medical tests on ( what are these things called ? ? ? ? ) - anyway he had put these things on the back of my bookshelf and somehow that was broadcasting my vital signs over the internet . I woke up really creeped out . At this point in the lunar cycle it 's normal for me to dream about him , but the dreams have always been more , um , pleasurable , not creepy like this . 2 . The Stupid Dream : Someone had installed a new showerhead in the basement of some building , and a great many people were very excited about this , myself among them . We were all standing in a crowd around the showerhead , waiting for our turn to shower . Everyone was showering with their clothes on because of the presence of this crowd . I was growing increasingly impatient with waiting for my turn , and then I realized that I have my very own shower at home that no one else was using . So I walked up a big hill that looked like Lawrence & Vic . Park here in Toronto and also looked like that street that runs in front of University Plaza in Dundas ( I don 't know that anyone reading this is familiar with both those places , but anyway ) , and went home to my apartment . 3 . The Existential Dilemma Dream : I was in an airplane . ( The reason I was in an airplane was because I had taken an elevator I wasn 't supposed to and it had landed in the middle of A Very Important Event , and the airplane was airlifting me and some other people out of there so we wouldn 't disturb The Event ) . Anyway , the airplane was going to crash . The crew told us that we would lose consciousness due to the sudden loss of altitude ( yes , I know it doesn 't work that way ) so we should lie down on the floor in the aisles , and then we 'd fall asleep and it would all be over when we wake up . The idea of sleeping through the plane crash and not noticing a thing sounded good , so I lay down in the aisle , fell asleep , and woke up in my bed . I confess , it 's all my fault . Usually I don 't watch hockey , I just turn on the TV to see what happened when my neighbours are making a lot of noise . This time , however , I happened to glance at the game on four instances that were unprompted by the neighbours . 1 . Each individual 's deeds or misdeeds must be considered , not their family members ' . The individuals who have committed misdeeds should face the appropriate consequences , of course , but each family member must be evaluated on their own merits . No one 's rights can be revoked because of someone else 's actions , even if that someone else does happen to be a blood relative . How would you like to be held responsible for your father 's actions and political convictions ? 2 . At least one , possibly more , of the children are underage . This means that they are obligated to live wherever their parents do . This means that it is not their fault that they lived in an Al - Qaeda facility , any more that it is your fault that you lived in Moncton or Moose Jaw or Prince Rupert when you were a kid . 3 . There is nothing unlawful about dissing Canada . There is nothing unlawful about hating Canada . It only becomes unlawful if the words or thoughts are turned into actions . No matter how much a person hates Canada , and no matter how much they profess this publicly , that is still no basis for revoking citizenship . These are basic rights to which all Canadian citizens are entitled . Even those that we find unpleasant and would rather not have in our country . Now , I 'm not saying it wouldn 't be prudent for someone to do a bit of investigating and make sure they have caught all the unlawful acts that these individuals might have committed . But if we run around calling for citizenships to be revoked for people who are legally innocent just because of something that their relatives did , and if we forget the basic concept of " innocent until proven guilty " , then we are no better than the oppressive countries that my grandparents , and many other people and many other people 's ancestors , fled to come here . Rights are for everyone , regardless of who their daddy is . Tangent : my poor flowers look like they 're slowly suffocating . The stems are a healthy green right up to the point where they start looking down , then it becomes a sickly yellowish . It 's like the good healthy stuff isn 't reaching their heads , like a person in a room without enough oxygen . Poor flowers : ( There 's none of the drama that accompanies adolescence , or the oppression that accompanies childhood . I don 't have to dress cool , I don 't have to look sexy . My excuse is that I work in the office , but that still gives me the opportunity to look gloriously inadvertently sexy when the mood strikes . I can wear lipstick ! Lipstick works on me , lip gloss does not , and I 'm finally at a point in my life where lipstick isn 't weird ! I can retire early and curl up in bed with a novel because I have to work in the morning , or I can stay out late anyway . I can be knowledgeable of politics and grammatical minutiae and quantum physics ( although I probably made at least two spelling mistakes in this sentence ) and that 's perfectly acceptable and only moderately eccentric , and I can still spend my free time gaming and instant messaging . As a student I 'd always feel slightly embarrassed about anything that I do or I like that isn 't cool enough . Even though my peers stopped caring about cool years and years ago , this is leftover trauma from middle school . But now , whenever I feel the need to do something staid and frumpy , it 's justified because I 'm an adult and I work in an office . Yes , that is Bach I 'm listening to , and yes , I would like a glass of wine rather than a series of shots . This is a space I 've always been comfortable in , and finally I can get away with it . The Man in my Basement by Walter Mosely . When I started reading , my impression was that I shouldn 't like the book . The protagonist is unlikeable but it seemed like he wanted my sympathy , which usually ruins a book for me , and the portrayal of sexuality was not to my taste . Really , I do not need to know every single time the protagonist masturbates when it is not important to the plot or to establishing character . And yet , for reasons I don 't understand , I enjoyed this novel . It 's complex and psychological , dealing with guilt issues and race issues and probably other things I didn 't get out of it during my first read - through . Many reviews have said that it leaves you thinking . It didn 't leave me thinking , perhaps because it is a bit far removed from my reality , but I do see how it could leave one thinking . It 's probably conducive to literary analysis , but I 'm not into that sort of thing . On the pragmatic side , the hardcover edition is also very small and compact , conducive to being carried in a purse . It 's easy to read quickly without skimming , and compelling enough to make you want to keep going ( although not so compelling that you stay up past your bedtime reading ) . The sexuality can border on graphic and gratuitous , but quantitatively it isn 't excessive and I 'd say it 's stilli appropriate for reading in public . Because of the way my feet are messed up , it is very difficult for me to stand on one foot when I don 't have shoes on . When a normal person stands on one foot , they keep their balance by pressing the outer edge of their foot into the ground . However , when I stand and walk normally in bare feet , the outer edge of my foot does not touch the ground at all - only the balls of my feet , my toes , and my heels touch the ground . I can easily stand on one foot in tightly laced running shoes , because the laces sort of hold up the inside edge of my foot and force it to pronate normally , but I can 't balance on one foot with no shoes on . Shoes with straps will support my foot the same way shoes with laces do . It isn 't enough to play sports in , but I just discovered that it 's enough to let me stand on one foot . So it turns out I can easily balance on one foot in three inch heels as long as they have straps , but I still can 't balance on one foot barefoot . If all goes well , I will be studying Polish starting next September . What will be interesting is to see how my accent turns out . You see , when I was around the key age for acquiring phonemes , my grandmother babysat me every day while my mother was at work , and my grandmother would always speak to me in Polish . When my sister was born and my grandmother was no longer babysitting me ( because my mother was home with the new baby ) I lost all exposure to Polish and suddenly couldn 't understand it any more . So I did acquire the phonemes at one point , and I don 't know if a person loses phonemes after having acquired them ( as opposed to the normal process of losing phonemes that one never hears ) . So the possibility exists that I might speak basic , struggling , tentative Polish with a flawless accent ! My shoe dilemma : The shoes are black closed - toe high - heeled sandals . They are intended to be work with skirts or dresses in situations where I don 't want to show my toes . Their wearability with pants is not priority , although , as always , flexibility is preferable . They aren 't for daily wear , they 're for sitting in my closet and being worn a couple of times a year . Pair 2 : Fabric / artificial material ( ie . less preferable shoe material ) , being fabric might make it look a bit funny against black pants ( mixing too much black fabric ) , makes my feet a bit sweaty , dressier ( ie . could not wear it with jeans , would look quite nice with a formal dress ) , easier to walk in , less attractive heel shape . $ 30 . Both are reasonably comfortable , but still need some definite breaking in . I can 't walk fast in either . Both have aspects that make them likely to go out of style : Pair 1 has white stitching , peekabo detailing on the toes , and a slight platform under the toes . Pair 2 has a fabric flower on the toes ( reasonable enough to wear now , but might look silly in the future ) and one of those heels that looks skinny in profile and chunky from the back . In all other aspects they are virtually identical . Also , a ponderance : as we all know , some people from places where same - sex marriage is not legal come here to get married . We can reasonably assume that their home governments currently do not recognize these marriages . But will their home government recognize these marriages when same - sex marriage is legalized there , or will they have to get re - married ? One of my many deep , dark secrets is that I sing in the elevator when I 'm alone therein . Today on the way home I was alone in the elevator , and I got the idea of singing Belleville Rendezvous . I did so , stopping singing at the 10th floor as I always do so my neighbours on my floor won 't know that I 'm the girl who sings in the elevator . When I got off on my floor , one of my neighbours gets off the next elevator over and gives me this look . Then I realize : the people in the other elevators can probably hear me , not just the people on the floors ! GAH ! - I bought some shoes . Two very similar pairs actually , but I 'm going to return the pair I like least . Black , closed - toe sandal things with higher - than - I - usually - wear heels . I can 't walk fast in at least one pair , I 'm about to try the other . Poor downstairs , I 'm going to be walking around in heels on my hardwood floor all weekend . - Bought a lotto super 7 ticket . I bought two sets of numbers and they gave me six , for reasons that I do not understand . I 'm going to give it to my grandmother for her birthday , ( we don 't really do big presents ) because she always wins something , and the jackpot is $ 20 million . Suppose a person performs a selfish act - purely selfish , not one thought for its effects on others - but as an unintended consequence this act has a positive effect on others . Is it still considered selfish act ? Does it make a difference if the act had foreseeable positive consequences ( like calling the fire department solely to get your own ass saved from a burning building , but as an unintended consequence other people got rescued too ? ) or if the act had forseeable negative consequences but serendipitiously had positive consequences instead ( like rudely pushing someone because they were in your way , and you happen to push them out of the path of a falling safe * ) ? The Bad : Far too many characters are difficult to keep track of , so you have to draw a chart or page back " Cassie , who 's Cassie again ? " ( Someone should draw a family tree of this novel and post it on the internet ! ) , confusing narration where the narrator is a descendent of the characters , so you sometimes have him saying " My father " and sometimes " Miles " , difficult to keep track the timeline . Also , very dark and hopeless . The Bad : Run - on sentences , meandering plot with pointless detours ( an ape ? why ? ) , feels like it 's a semi - autobiographical novel in which the author thought all these things were Very Important , but didn 't manage to convey to me why they were important . Also , it 's about 50 years old and written in a non - specific present , so to my 21st century sensibilities it feels like a historical novel with none of the historical details that make a historical novel fun . 3 . A dream : I dreamed I was given a bottle of wine that was closed with a sword . You opened the bottle by pulling out the sword ( and it was like pulling the sword from the stone , so it was a special procedure ) . Then I had this spare sword lying around , so I decided to use it as a doorknob , but that didn 't work too well . Also , the wine was green , like Mountain Dew . The cool thing is , today I went to the LCBO , and I saw a bottle of wine the same shape as the one in my dream , and the bottle was green so it made the white wine inside look like Mountain Dew . No sword though . 1 . You know how the sound of the subway going over the tracks changes just as the train approaches a station ? I wonder if they do that on purpose so people know to bookmark their books and gather up their bags ? 2 . What 's up with the people who go to the very very very edge of the platform and lean waaaaaay over to look down the tunnel and see if the train is coming ? The train is coming ! They 're never more than five minutes apart ! The train is always coming ! 3 . Foodland Ontario should come up with a system that emails you whenever a new fruit or vegetable is in season . " BING ! It is now peach season ! " Suppose a person managed to eat food that contained only the nutrients their body needed . There was nothing in the food that the body did not need , and there was no excess of any given nutrient . Would they still have bowel movements ? IRL , the latest topic in my Harmony book is the Pivot Chord . I was having a lot of trouble understanding this topic and felt that I was at an impasse . Well , last night I had a dream where I was talking to my childhood piano teacher , and I asked her about the Pivot Chord , and she gave me some hints as to how to identify them ! In the dream she gave me hard and fast rules , and when I look at my Harmony book I can see what she told me isn 't hard and fast rules , but it was still helpful ! I bought some good Rimmel eyeliner instead of the Cover Girl crap I was using before , and now that I have eyeliner that will draw a good , well - defined line , I can 't seem to make it make my eyes look bigger . I know all the theory behind drawing a line that will make one 's eyes look bigger , I know exactly what I should be doing , I have even done it before , but lately I just can 't make my hand make the pencil do what I want it to . My previous eyeliner didn 't draw as well - defined a line and it wasn 't completely opaque , it just made the area behind my lashes look vaguely darker ( but I kept using it because cosmetics are expensive and I hate buying stuff and not using it ) , so throughout the last couple of years I seem to have lost all my eyelining skills , because the line I drew wouldn 't actually matter .
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This is a commentary on my life and times in Spain . It is intended as a tag - a - long for family and friends . I invite everyone to make use of the " comment " function . Please ask questions and turn this into a discussion / forum ! For those non - hispanohablantes , Spaniards pronounce a lot of their c 's and z 's with a " th " sound . So instead of Andalucía , el resultado es " Andaluthía . " Gracías , adios y ¡ os disfrutéis ! ( enjoy yourselves ! ) I wanted to get in a post before I left on vacation , but it just wasn 't in the cards . All I have time for right now is a quick update , but I promise there will be a post to follow . . . sometime . Hopefully soon , but probably not until I get back to Spain . Pues , I had a nice booze augmented Christmas Eve and was lucky enough to spend Christmas day with a Spanish family . It was both wild and pleasant and I 'll be sure to include my usual long description later on . Aside from the Christmas festivities there is not too much more about which to hold you in suspense . I had a Christmas dinner / party with my fellow teachers . Oh yeah . One more thing . I 'm in Rome ! My flight and everything went smoothly and here I am in the heart of ancient history and Catholicism . I 've been here for a day and I can say that Rome is as expected . The city is chock - full of so many ancient wonders that you almost get tired of marvelling at them . That aside , it is a place everyone should see at least once in their lifetime . Aaaaaand that 's all you get for now . I 'm on a friend 's computer so I can 't upload any pictures . I 'll be in Rome until the 4th then I 'm going to Dublin . These past weeks ' adventures revolve around what I 'm going to preemptively call the Longest Puente . There were two holidays on the 6th and the 8th of December so the Spanish just decided to lump it all together into one big vacation . I normally don 't work Fridays , so in conjunction with the holidays , I had Friday through Wednesday off ! It was such a long weekend that this post turned out equally long . I apologize , but maybe I can keep you interested long enough to read through it . = ) Before we get to the heart of the action , how about a little back - story ? Ha , I knew you 'd say yes , anyway . . . In addition to working at the school , I started teaching private English classes . I only have two so far , but I hope to find a few more after the Christmas holidays . My first student is Manuel . His father , Jesús ( that 's " hey - Zeus " not Jesus The Son ) is my principle / boss ' brother . My second student is Jorge , who is Manuel 's cousin and the son of Manuel 's Mom 's sister . Lost yet ? Yeah , I know its a bit confusing but what can you do . Family relations are always hard to explain . Moving on . Jesús and his wife , Valle , invited me to go along with them during the puente to visit Valle 's family in La Palma del Condado in Huelva . Huelva is one of the " counties " of Andalucia and is around a two - three hour drive from La Línea . They offered to treat me to everything and all I would have to do is speak English with the kids and help them out a bit . I hadn 't planned any other trips and what could be better than spending the holidays traditional Spanish style ? In my opinion virtually nothing , so I agreed . They picked me up on Friday , the 3rd , around six in the evening . Oh , I forgot to mention that Manuel is six years old and Jorge is four . Valle and Jesús have another son , also named Jesús , who is two . I got the pleasure of sitting between the two kids and we enjoyed a Sponge Bob - filled ride to La Palma . When we arrived at La Palma , I was impressed . It is a little pueblo , very old , but not in anyway decrepit . Most of the small towns I have been through , if they are not tourist locations , have dirtier streets and some evidence of lower economic level . La Palma , however , was very crisp , clean , and enchanting . As soon as we arrived , I also realized that I left my camera in La Línea . I was in a bit of a rush to pack and I left it on the desk . Que tristeza y mala suerte . Oh well , as luck would have it , the Spanish love their pictures so I 'll be stealing some of them for your viewing pleasure . My first piece of criminal eviThe streets of La Palma . Upon entering the town , we drove to Valle 's uncle 's house who lives in the same plaza as the Teatro de La Palma . Their uncle , Tito ( uncle ) Kaska , is a sweet old man who lives by himself in the bottom floor of a huge house . Here he is . After meeting with Tito Kaska , the family and I went out with him for a traditional Spanish dinner . The dinner was , of course , excellent . We had an appetizer of what I 'm pretty sure were cooked octopus eggs and I had pork for dinner . After throughly stuffing myself , we returned to Tito 's house . At the house I met more of the cousins and one who used to teach Spanish in Jonesboro , Ar . It is amazing how we live in a world that is simultaneously inexplicably huge and incredibly small . Anyway , I had a nice reflective chat with her and her husband about Arkansas and the many differences of the United States . The husband said the most surprising thing to him was the difference in size between the United States and Europe . In comparison , everything in the States is larger . The cars are larger , the portions are larger , the towns are spread out , the houses are bigger , everything . It was so surprising to them that you could not get around without a car . After our mutual cultural revelations , we said goodbye , and the family and I headed off to bed . The next morning , Jesús and I got up early , and grabbed breakfast at a café . Traditional Spanish breakfast is one or two halves of a small toasted baguette accompanied by jamón and olive oil with coffee to drink . We brought breakfast back for the kids then headed to the Sierra mountains to the north of Huelva . Throughout the weekend , everyone I met recounted to me the wonders of Huelva . It is the southwest most province of Spain . To the west is Portugal , to the east is the city of Sevilla , to the north the Sierra mountain range , and to the South are kilometers and kilometers of untouched beach . The Sierra mountains are famous for none other than the production of jamón . The Spanish tradition is to eat a leg or shoulder of jamón during the Christmas holidays . Jesús and I went to pick the jamón rations for his family and their relatives who requested something . On the drive up , Jesús recounted to me some of the history of the area . In the 1800 's many British lived in the area and set up mines to extract the land 's minerals . One example is the river that runs through the mountains , el rio tinto , which is a red - orange hue because of its high iron content . The jamón factory we arrived at was a family operated warehouse filled with jamón and other cured pork products . Here I am in front of some jamón . Well , jamón as seen before the curing process . The people at the factory were nice enough to show us around and afterwards one guy told us the entire story of the business . I think even by Spanish standards that guy liked to talk , which I think is saying something . I wish I had a picture of him , because he really was a sight to behold . He was a large , hairy , and rather hammy in fact , looking guy and was dressed only in a shirt , jeans , and butcher 's overcoat . As you can tell by the pictures above , I was wearing a jacket and multiple layers , and was still freezing . This guy had his shirt open and sleeves rolled up like it was the middle of summer . Anyway this is what he told us , in summary . The entire curing process is the result of three factors . Salt , the Sierra 's cold , and the family 's elbow - grease . He runs a small business which carries its share of problems . Similar to problems in the U . S . , he has to compete with larger operations , rising product costs , and the organic food movement . He offers organic ham , but usually does not sell it in his warehouse . The price of an organic ham leg is around 400 euro , whereas a normal leg costs around 150 euro . The price of organic legs are so high that its almost exclusively bought by large companies and corporations . He also told us of his passion for quality , and the possible future of jamón in America . Its a hard product to sell because the U . S . government requires the ham to be de - boned , which diminishes its quality . After these extensive stories we finally loaded up the meat and started back to La Palma . All in all we made off with two ham legs , one shoulder , and around 20 kilos of chorizo , murcia , and salchichon which was to be divided among the extended family . On the way back to town , we stopped at a roadside bar for a few tapas and a beer . Since the Sierra de Huelva is one of the centers of jamón production , we were able to try some rare dishes . I sampled pig ears and another dish which I believe was sweetbreads . They were both pretty good , although the texture was odd . The ears were a bit chewy and the sAnd the star of the show . After paella , the experience was concluded by a shot of sweet grape liquor and cocktails . Wow . All I can say is wow . These people really know how to eat . This meal was a prime example of Spanish hospitality and the days to come . In almost every place I went into I was handed a drink or a tapa and introduced to everyone there . Everyone in the family was incredibly nice and I got a ton of Spanish practice . But the weekend isn 't over yet ! After the meal and some nice conversation , I waddled to the car to go with Jesús and the kids to the movies . By this time we had accumulated Manuel , Jorge , and four of their cousins . The movie of choice for the night was the Chronicles of Narnia . All things considered it wasn 't a bad movie . Nothing special , just more Spanish practice . The rest of the night found me eating a small dinner and relaxing with the family . After all the day 's adventure and managing the kids I was pretty exhausted . Tito Kaska invited me to go out with him , but I declined with the promise that manaña I would surely salir . The next morning we got up and had our normal breakfast of a tostada con jamón . After breakfast Jesús and I took some of the kids out to Big Ben , which is basically a giant playpen . We checked them in then walked to Carrefour , which is like a huge Walmart , to look at some potential Christmas presents . Here I am with the cripple crew . As you can see , they were pretty excited to be let loose . We got a café after the short shopping trip and let the kids play for a few hours . Once we pried them away from the festivities we headed back into town for some lunch . For lunch Jesús dropped Jorge and I off at the Taberna Fonsi . I learned that this little bar is Tito Kaska 's second home . He works two buildings down the street and comes to Fonsi for breakfast every morning . Here it is . And the owner of the tavern with his father and Belen . I forgot the name of the tall guy on the left , but he was from Holland . He spoke a handful of languages , including English , and I had a nice Spanglish conversation with him . Apparently he had traveled extensively in the U . S . and around the world , but Huelva was his favorite place . He was a very nice guy and gave me some good advice . Think of all the things that you like to do , make a list , and find a job that fulfills that criteria . If you can 't find such a job , then create one . Following Spanish tradition , we had some tapas with our drinks . The choice of the day was habas con poleo , which were large baked beans . They looked like giant pinto beans , but you didn 't eat the skin . You bit the end , then squeezed out the meat . Strange method aside , they were delicious ! Jorge loved the habas con poleo and showed me how it was done . The character of Taberna Fonsi . After Fonsi 's we walked back to the house for another traditional Spanish lunch . Valle 's aunt and family live above Tito Kaska and treated us to a delicious garbanzo soup . I met Valle 's niece , Maria , who goes to university in Sevilla . After lunch we relaxed for a few hours before deciding to spend the evening going to see the Belen ( there might be an accent missing somewhere in there ) . Not to be confused with Valle 's sister , the Belen is a live nativity scene . Nativity scene is a little misleading . It was a two - story nativity village . The photos from the village are limited , but here 's a taste of what it was like . Yes , that is a live donkey . And yes , that is a kid dressed up as an old man . The whole scene was indoor and filled with kids dressed as everything from villagers to Mary to the Three Wise Men . They were each in a small area pretending to be cobblers , blacksmiths , merchants , ect . All complete with live animals . It was a wild little time . We went back to La Palma after the Belen , ate dinner at the aunt 's house again , and then Belen , Maria ( the niece ) , and I decided to go out for a night on the town . The night out was a blast . We had a few drinks at one bar , then went to another to meet up with the guy from Holland and his friend . The second bar , I was told , is where they always go to end the night . What made the experience so fun was talking in Spanish . After the Hollander left , it was just the two girls and I , and we talked until the bar closed at four a . m . We talked about life , politics , pregnancy , childbirth , and all that exciting stuff that I never thought I would be able to discuss in another language . Looking back , I wasn 't stopping to think of a word or how to translate something . I was just going . Its amazing how much you know when you don 't stop to think about it . After such a late night , I slept in the next morning and had another easy breakfast . This time with Tito Kaska at Taberna Fonsi . It was Monday and time to return to La Línea . We said our goodbyes to the family and before we left town , we stopped at two bodegas . One bodega produced wine and vinegar and the other produced brandy and vinegar . Here I am at the brandy Bodega . One amazing thing about this brandy is that its cured for a minimum of sixty years ! The casks as you can see are huge . Some were as tall as me ! Before going home , we stopped for one more lunch and a short adventure in Sevilla . It started to rain soon after we arrived so we were only granted a few hours in the city . I had been in Sevilla before for my orientation and this short detour only made me want to return to see more of it . The architecture , and the Giralda ( the name of the church ) in particular , were amazing . I felt like I could just stand and stare up at it for hours . Without a doubt , I will return soon . The boys and I at the Giralda . Well that 's all I 've got for today . For those of you who made it through , congratulations . My Christmas vacation goes from December 23rd to January 9th . I 'm really excited because I plan to spend Christmas in La Línea , fly to Rome on the 27th , then fly to Ireland from Rome January 4th . I have friends in both Rome and Ireland so I plan to stay with them and hopefully get a local 's perspective on the area . I 'll try to do a Christmas / holiday post for y ' all before I fly out , but I 'm not going to promise anything . Life , as you know , can lift you up and set you down as it pleases and not always allow time for blog posts . If I don 't see you , I wish all of you the best , and happy holidays ! Life so far has been just carrying me along . Its hard to believe that I haven 't written a post in almost two weeks . I have a lot of stuff to catch you guys up on , so here we go ! And yes , as you might have guessed , this is in fact a shoulder of jamón . My roommates are very sweet and this was an unexpected gift from two vegetarians . Jamón is a type of cured ham that can come from the shoulder or the leg of an Iberian hog . It is a staple of Spanish cuisine , and they are obsessed with it . There are schools where one can learn how to cut and serve jamón . Needless to say I was incredibly excited at the prospect of carving up my own ham and spent the next three or four hours experimenting . Here I am , posed and all , in front of the shoulder with a jamón - specific fillet knife . Once the outer skin and fat has been removed , the jamón is served as thin almost transparent slices called lonchas . Here 's my first attempt at slicing . They came out a little thicker than I had hoped , but oh well . Practice , practice , practice . The rest of my birthday was very nice and very relaxing . We went over to a friend 's apartment for tapas and drinks , then out to a few bars . I don 't have too much to tell from the night . Just an easy night in Spain with great wine and great people . The jamón was truly the highlight and made the day . The Rock of Gibraltar is a little different from what you would expect . Part of the city is built around the base of the rock . The upper , steeper parts are reserved for tourism . When you walk up towards the top , you walk on streets and pass by houses that run right up to the gates of reserve . It was a little surprising , but we did get some nice pictures out of it . This is a glimpse of the Dark Continent and several ships coming into port . Once you reach the gates of the reserve you have to pay a fee depending on what you want to do . The cheapest was a walking pass for 50 pence . After that it costs more for a car , guided tour , or a pass for the war tunnels and St . Michael 's cave . The tunnels and caves pass was pretty expensive , so we just opted for the walking pass . Here 's some touristy stuff that you see right as you walk into the reserve . I couldn 't get a good picture of it so the bottom part is a little cut off . Perdóname . Once you pass by the main tourist candy , the footpath up the rock becomes much more wild and wonderful . The way up was a bit rocky and in the spirit of Europe ; at your own risk . The path eventually turned into some steep steps . Here is Rose on such steps , the first of our wayward travelers . The path up the back side of the rocks ends in the Mediterranean Steps , which pass through to the other side of the mountain . The guy here is Nate - a fellow English teacher . Gibraltar is home to many plants that are unique to the rock 's environment . Here are some wild olives , which aren 't unique , just a rare sight in other places . Following the Steps ever higher leads to the rock 's summit and some truly breathtaking , and windy , views . The clouds over La Línea and Algeciras . We kept looking out over the bay and eventually the clouds started to break . The clouds broke over the ocean , but stayed over Spain . From where we were it looked like the peaks of the Rock had split them in two . Oh and yeah , the apes . They didn 't interest me that much so I only got one good shot of them . They would climb on people if you put your arm down , but you couldn 't touch them or they would bite you . Like nature pacified . It was a weird thing . The whole situation felt really odd to me , so I just preferred to stick to the views and the trees . And that 's really about all I can say for Gibraltar . It has certain special moments but , in general , its just a weird place . The cultural mix of British , Spanish , and African is something that you just have to see for yourself . The other breaking news I have for you is that our apartment is slowing turning into a traveler 's hostel . We have had a friend of the family , Rose , stay with us for the past two weeks . She has been hitch - hiking across Europe for almost two years and is planning to head into Africa before returning home to Arkansas . Two other travelers , Dominic and Amylin , came in last night and are staying with us until tomorrow . And on top of all this , we have plans to host three Polish girls in December via couchsurfing . org . It sounds a little crazy , but it has and continues to be a fantastic learning experience . Rose , Dominic , and Amylin all travel virtually exclusively by hitch - hiking . Hearing their stories and how they live has enlightened me to a whole new possibility of travel . I mean , who wouldn 't want to travel across Europe for little to no money ? Not only that , but the opportunities to meet interesting people are endless . Amylin and Rose have both hitched as lone women , so its not incredibly dangerous . They have had a few rough encounters , but most of them have been in poor countries . It is such a revolutionary thing to hear all these stories from people only a few years older than I am . Every time we talk , the world gets larger and larger , and I want to see more and more of it . What to do ? What to do ? Too many possibilities . Zach . Welcome to another later - than - usual post . I think this Spanish lifestyle thing is really getting to me . I 'm taking time just to take time . Its pretty hard work . Anyway , on to my excursion from the previous weekend . This last weekend the three of us decided to rent a car again and take a trip to visit our friend Bianca in La Roda . The town she lives in is a pueblito of about 1500 people . Its around a two and a half hour drive from our town and the best part is that a town called Ronda is on the way there . Ronda is this great historical town that we kept hearing about . We would ask Spaniards about places to go , or about their favorite places to go , and Ronda was almost always in the list . That 's all the spoilers you 're going to get . Now on to the pictures ! This first one is of our new fiesta - green chariot . They gave us another Ford , but this one was miles above our previous car . It was a lot smaller , got better fuel mileage , and it was a diesel ! When I first started it up , I thought it was a little loud , but I put it off as just being some weird Spanish thing . I didn 't realize it was a diesel until I stopped to get gas , and I was really surprised . It had good acceleration and it was pretty quiet . Another great thing is that diesel fuel is about 20 cents cheaper than regular gas . So yeah ! Here is it : We drove up to La Roda Friday afternoon and went into Ronda on Saturday . There are two ways to get to La Roda from our town and we decided to take the scenic route on the way there . One quick word on the drive . Crazy . Madness . Insanity . Another synonym of crazy . That 's all I 'm going to say . No , but seriously , you hear of all those wild Europeans that fly around steep mountain curves with virtually no speed limit . That was the drive to Ronda . It was almost constantly uphill with really sharp curves . I take curves faster than most people and I was taking them at 50 km / hr , which felt fast , but the speed limit was 80 ! I don 't know how those people do it . And the view from Ronda ! The town is on a cliff and looks out over the landscape for kilometers and kilometers . This one is with two of my travel companions : Here is a nice sideways image of the Plaza de Toros entrance . I 'm not sure why it came out sideways . It was taken this way , then I rotated it , and even saved it as a new file . Something apparently gets lost in translation in the hard - drive to blog path . If this causes any neck pain it should make you feel better to know that this plaza is one of the oldest operational plazas in Spain . See ? Now the pain is gone . On to the next picture . Here 's another of those annoying sideways shots . This one is of the bridge . If anyone has an idea of how to fix this , don 't hesitate . This next shot was taken from the bridge overlooking the city . This next picture was taken by an older student of Meg 's that met up with us . She was a really fun lady and showed us around the town . We found this excellent leather shop , where Meg and Bianca each bought a backpack for around 40 euros . They had some excellent looking jackets and I think if I find myself with some excess change I might go pick one up . Almost all of their products were handmade in Ronda . Anyhow , The Ronda Traveling Crew : That is the end of my latest trip . I hope you guys enjoyed the photos . I 'm beginning to get used to the whole camera thing and each trip it seems like I come back with more and more photos . Ronda was inexplicably beautiful and I hope that these view shots can at least give you a hint of what it was like to be there . The experience of sitting on a terrace , while being serenaded by a flamenco guitar , and looking out over the valley was transcendent . We sat out there for around 30 minutes and I 'm sure I could have been there for hours . It truly made me appreciate what an opportunity this has been . Many thanks to all those who helped me get here ,
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This is a commentary on my life and times in Spain . It is intended as a tag - a - long for family and friends . I invite everyone to make use of the " comment " function . Please ask questions and turn this into a discussion / forum ! For those non - hispanohablantes , Spaniards pronounce a lot of their c 's and z 's with a " th " sound . So instead of Andalucía , el resultado es " Andaluthía . " Gracías , adios y ¡ os disfrutéis ! ( enjoy yourselves ! ) I wanted to get in a post before I left on vacation , but it just wasn 't in the cards . All I have time for right now is a quick update , but I promise there will be a post to follow . . . sometime . Hopefully soon , but probably not until I get back to Spain . Pues , I had a nice booze augmented Christmas Eve and was lucky enough to spend Christmas day with a Spanish family . It was both wild and pleasant and I 'll be sure to include my usual long description later on . Aside from the Christmas festivities there is not too much more about which to hold you in suspense . I had a Christmas dinner / party with my fellow teachers . Oh yeah . One more thing . I 'm in Rome ! My flight and everything went smoothly and here I am in the heart of ancient history and Catholicism . I 've been here for a day and I can say that Rome is as expected . The city is chock - full of so many ancient wonders that you almost get tired of marvelling at them . That aside , it is a place everyone should see at least once in their lifetime . Aaaaaand that 's all you get for now . I 'm on a friend 's computer so I can 't upload any pictures . I 'll be in Rome until the 4th then I 'm going to Dublin . These past weeks ' adventures revolve around what I 'm going to preemptively call the Longest Puente . There were two holidays on the 6th and the 8th of December so the Spanish just decided to lump it all together into one big vacation . I normally don 't work Fridays , so in conjunction with the holidays , I had Friday through Wednesday off ! It was such a long weekend that this post turned out equally long . I apologize , but maybe I can keep you interested long enough to read through it . = ) Before we get to the heart of the action , how about a little back - story ? Ha , I knew you 'd say yes , anyway . . . In addition to working at the school , I started teaching private English classes . I only have two so far , but I hope to find a few more after the Christmas holidays . My first student is Manuel . His father , Jesús ( that 's " hey - Zeus " not Jesus The Son ) is my principle / boss ' brother . My second student is Jorge , who is Manuel 's cousin and the son of Manuel 's Mom 's sister . Lost yet ? Yeah , I know its a bit confusing but what can you do . Family relations are always hard to explain . Moving on . Jesús and his wife , Valle , invited me to go along with them during the puente to visit Valle 's family in La Palma del Condado in Huelva . Huelva is one of the " counties " of Andalucia and is around a two - three hour drive from La Línea . They offered to treat me to everything and all I would have to do is speak English with the kids and help them out a bit . I hadn 't planned any other trips and what could be better than spending the holidays traditional Spanish style ? In my opinion virtually nothing , so I agreed . They picked me up on Friday , the 3rd , around six in the evening . Oh , I forgot to mention that Manuel is six years old and Jorge is four . Valle and Jesús have another son , also named Jesús , who is two . I got the pleasure of sitting between the two kids and we enjoyed a Sponge Bob - filled ride to La Palma . When we arrived at La Palma , I was impressed . It is a little pueblo , very old , but not in anyway decrepit . Most of the small towns I have been through , if they are not tourist locations , have dirtier streets and some evidence of lower economic level . La Palma , however , was very crisp , clean , and enchanting . As soon as we arrived , I also realized that I left my camera in La Línea . I was in a bit of a rush to pack and I left it on the desk . Que tristeza y mala suerte . Oh well , as luck would have it , the Spanish love their pictures so I 'll be stealing some of them for your viewing pleasure . My first piece of criminal eviThe streets of La Palma . Upon entering the town , we drove to Valle 's uncle 's house who lives in the same plaza as the Teatro de La Palma . Their uncle , Tito ( uncle ) Kaska , is a sweet old man who lives by himself in the bottom floor of a huge house . Here he is . After meeting with Tito Kaska , the family and I went out with him for a traditional Spanish dinner . The dinner was , of course , excellent . We had an appetizer of what I 'm pretty sure were cooked octopus eggs and I had pork for dinner . After throughly stuffing myself , we returned to Tito 's house . At the house I met more of the cousins and one who used to teach Spanish in Jonesboro , Ar . It is amazing how we live in a world that is simultaneously inexplicably huge and incredibly small . Anyway , I had a nice reflective chat with her and her husband about Arkansas and the many differences of the United States . The husband said the most surprising thing to him was the difference in size between the United States and Europe . In comparison , everything in the States is larger . The cars are larger , the portions are larger , the towns are spread out , the houses are bigger , everything . It was so surprising to them that you could not get around without a car . After our mutual cultural revelations , we said goodbye , and the family and I headed off to bed . The next morning , Jesús and I got up early , and grabbed breakfast at a café . Traditional Spanish breakfast is one or two halves of a small toasted baguette accompanied by jamón and olive oil with coffee to drink . We brought breakfast back for the kids then headed to the Sierra mountains to the north of Huelva . Throughout the weekend , everyone I met recounted to me the wonders of Huelva . It is the southwest most province of Spain . To the west is Portugal , to the east is the city of Sevilla , to the north the Sierra mountain range , and to the South are kilometers and kilometers of untouched beach . The Sierra mountains are famous for none other than the production of jamón . The Spanish tradition is to eat a leg or shoulder of jamón during the Christmas holidays . Jesús and I went to pick the jamón rations for his family and their relatives who requested something . On the drive up , Jesús recounted to me some of the history of the area . In the 1800 's many British lived in the area and set up mines to extract the land 's minerals . One example is the river that runs through the mountains , el rio tinto , which is a red - orange hue because of its high iron content . The jamón factory we arrived at was a family operated warehouse filled with jamón and other cured pork products . Here I am in front of some jamón . Well , jamón as seen before the curing process . The people at the factory were nice enough to show us around and afterwards one guy told us the entire story of the business . I think even by Spanish standards that guy liked to talk , which I think is saying something . I wish I had a picture of him , because he really was a sight to behold . He was a large , hairy , and rather hammy in fact , looking guy and was dressed only in a shirt , jeans , and butcher 's overcoat . As you can tell by the pictures above , I was wearing a jacket and multiple layers , and was still freezing . This guy had his shirt open and sleeves rolled up like it was the middle of summer . Anyway this is what he told us , in summary . The entire curing process is the result of three factors . Salt , the Sierra 's cold , and the family 's elbow - grease . He runs a small business which carries its share of problems . Similar to problems in the U . S . , he has to compete with larger operations , rising product costs , and the organic food movement . He offers organic ham , but usually does not sell it in his warehouse . The price of an organic ham leg is around 400 euro , whereas a normal leg costs around 150 euro . The price of organic legs are so high that its almost exclusively bought by large companies and corporations . He also told us of his passion for quality , and the possible future of jamón in America . Its a hard product to sell because the U . S . government requires the ham to be de - boned , which diminishes its quality . After these extensive stories we finally loaded up the meat and started back to La Palma . All in all we made off with two ham legs , one shoulder , and around 20 kilos of chorizo , murcia , and salchichon which was to be divided among the extended family . On the way back to town , we stopped at a roadside bar for a few tapas and a beer . Since the Sierra de Huelva is one of the centers of jamón production , we were able to try some rare dishes . I sampled pig ears and another dish which I believe was sweetbreads . They were both pretty good , although the texture was odd . The ears were a bit chewy and the sAnd the star of the show . After paella , the experience was concluded by a shot of sweet grape liquor and cocktails . Wow . All I can say is wow . These people really know how to eat . This meal was a prime example of Spanish hospitality and the days to come . In almost every place I went into I was handed a drink or a tapa and introduced to everyone there . Everyone in the family was incredibly nice and I got a ton of Spanish practice . But the weekend isn 't over yet ! After the meal and some nice conversation , I waddled to the car to go with Jesús and the kids to the movies . By this time we had accumulated Manuel , Jorge , and four of their cousins . The movie of choice for the night was the Chronicles of Narnia . All things considered it wasn 't a bad movie . Nothing special , just more Spanish practice . The rest of the night found me eating a small dinner and relaxing with the family . After all the day 's adventure and managing the kids I was pretty exhausted . Tito Kaska invited me to go out with him , but I declined with the promise that manaña I would surely salir . The next morning we got up and had our normal breakfast of a tostada con jamón . After breakfast Jesús and I took some of the kids out to Big Ben , which is basically a giant playpen . We checked them in then walked to Carrefour , which is like a huge Walmart , to look at some potential Christmas presents . Here I am with the cripple crew . As you can see , they were pretty excited to be let loose . We got a café after the short shopping trip and let the kids play for a few hours . Once we pried them away from the festivities we headed back into town for some lunch . For lunch Jesús dropped Jorge and I off at the Taberna Fonsi . I learned that this little bar is Tito Kaska 's second home . He works two buildings down the street and comes to Fonsi for breakfast every morning . Here it is . And the owner of the tavern with his father and Belen . I forgot the name of the tall guy on the left , but he was from Holland . He spoke a handful of languages , including English , and I had a nice Spanglish conversation with him . Apparently he had traveled extensively in the U . S . and around the world , but Huelva was his favorite place . He was a very nice guy and gave me some good advice . Think of all the things that you like to do , make a list , and find a job that fulfills that criteria . If you can 't find such a job , then create one . Following Spanish tradition , we had some tapas with our drinks . The choice of the day was habas con poleo , which were large baked beans . They looked like giant pinto beans , but you didn 't eat the skin . You bit the end , then squeezed out the meat . Strange method aside , they were delicious ! Jorge loved the habas con poleo and showed me how it was done . The character of Taberna Fonsi . After Fonsi 's we walked back to the house for another traditional Spanish lunch . Valle 's aunt and family live above Tito Kaska and treated us to a delicious garbanzo soup . I met Valle 's niece , Maria , who goes to university in Sevilla . After lunch we relaxed for a few hours before deciding to spend the evening going to see the Belen ( there might be an accent missing somewhere in there ) . Not to be confused with Valle 's sister , the Belen is a live nativity scene . Nativity scene is a little misleading . It was a two - story nativity village . The photos from the village are limited , but here 's a taste of what it was like . Yes , that is a live donkey . And yes , that is a kid dressed up as an old man . The whole scene was indoor and filled with kids dressed as everything from villagers to Mary to the Three Wise Men . They were each in a small area pretending to be cobblers , blacksmiths , merchants , ect . All complete with live animals . It was a wild little time . We went back to La Palma after the Belen , ate dinner at the aunt 's house again , and then Belen , Maria ( the niece ) , and I decided to go out for a night on the town . The night out was a blast . We had a few drinks at one bar , then went to another to meet up with the guy from Holland and his friend . The second bar , I was told , is where they always go to end the night . What made the experience so fun was talking in Spanish . After the Hollander left , it was just the two girls and I , and we talked until the bar closed at four a . m . We talked about life , politics , pregnancy , childbirth , and all that exciting stuff that I never thought I would be able to discuss in another language . Looking back , I wasn 't stopping to think of a word or how to translate something . I was just going . Its amazing how much you know when you don 't stop to think about it . After such a late night , I slept in the next morning and had another easy breakfast . This time with Tito Kaska at Taberna Fonsi . It was Monday and time to return to La Línea . We said our goodbyes to the family and before we left town , we stopped at two bodegas . One bodega produced wine and vinegar and the other produced brandy and vinegar . Here I am at the brandy Bodega . One amazing thing about this brandy is that its cured for a minimum of sixty years ! The casks as you can see are huge . Some were as tall as me ! Before going home , we stopped for one more lunch and a short adventure in Sevilla . It started to rain soon after we arrived so we were only granted a few hours in the city . I had been in Sevilla before for my orientation and this short detour only made me want to return to see more of it . The architecture , and the Giralda ( the name of the church ) in particular , were amazing . I felt like I could just stand and stare up at it for hours . Without a doubt , I will return soon . The boys and I at the Giralda . Well that 's all I 've got for today . For those of you who made it through , congratulations . My Christmas vacation goes from December 23rd to January 9th . I 'm really excited because I plan to spend Christmas in La Línea , fly to Rome on the 27th , then fly to Ireland from Rome January 4th . I have friends in both Rome and Ireland so I plan to stay with them and hopefully get a local 's perspective on the area . I 'll try to do a Christmas / holiday post for y ' all before I fly out , but I 'm not going to promise anything . Life , as you know , can lift you up and set you down as it pleases and not always allow time for blog posts . If I don 't see you , I wish all of you the best , and happy holidays ! Life so far has been just carrying me along . Its hard to believe that I haven 't written a post in almost two weeks . I have a lot of stuff to catch you guys up on , so here we go ! And yes , as you might have guessed , this is in fact a shoulder of jamón . My roommates are very sweet and this was an unexpected gift from two vegetarians . Jamón is a type of cured ham that can come from the shoulder or the leg of an Iberian hog . It is a staple of Spanish cuisine , and they are obsessed with it . There are schools where one can learn how to cut and serve jamón . Needless to say I was incredibly excited at the prospect of carving up my own ham and spent the next three or four hours experimenting . Here I am , posed and all , in front of the shoulder with a jamón - specific fillet knife . Once the outer skin and fat has been removed , the jamón is served as thin almost transparent slices called lonchas . Here 's my first attempt at slicing . They came out a little thicker than I had hoped , but oh well . Practice , practice , practice . The rest of my birthday was very nice and very relaxing . We went over to a friend 's apartment for tapas and drinks , then out to a few bars . I don 't have too much to tell from the night . Just an easy night in Spain with great wine and great people . The jamón was truly the highlight and made the day . The Rock of Gibraltar is a little different from what you would expect . Part of the city is built around the base of the rock . The upper , steeper parts are reserved for tourism . When you walk up towards the top , you walk on streets and pass by houses that run right up to the gates of reserve . It was a little surprising , but we did get some nice pictures out of it . This is a glimpse of the Dark Continent and several ships coming into port . Once you reach the gates of the reserve you have to pay a fee depending on what you want to do . The cheapest was a walking pass for 50 pence . After that it costs more for a car , guided tour , or a pass for the war tunnels and St . Michael 's cave . The tunnels and caves pass was pretty expensive , so we just opted for the walking pass . Here 's some touristy stuff that you see right as you walk into the reserve . I couldn 't get a good picture of it so the bottom part is a little cut off . Perdóname . Once you pass by the main tourist candy , the footpath up the rock becomes much more wild and wonderful . The way up was a bit rocky and in the spirit of Europe ; at your own risk . The path eventually turned into some steep steps . Here is Rose on such steps , the first of our wayward travelers . The path up the back side of the rocks ends in the Mediterranean Steps , which pass through to the other side of the mountain . The guy here is Nate - a fellow English teacher . Gibraltar is home to many plants that are unique to the rock 's environment . Here are some wild olives , which aren 't unique , just a rare sight in other places . Following the Steps ever higher leads to the rock 's summit and some truly breathtaking , and windy , views . The clouds over La Línea and Algeciras . We kept looking out over the bay and eventually the clouds started to break . The clouds broke over the ocean , but stayed over Spain . From where we were it looked like the peaks of the Rock had split them in two . Oh and yeah , the apes . They didn 't interest me that much so I only got one good shot of them . They would climb on people if you put your arm down , but you couldn 't touch them or they would bite you . Like nature pacified . It was a weird thing . The whole situation felt really odd to me , so I just preferred to stick to the views and the trees . And that 's really about all I can say for Gibraltar . It has certain special moments but , in general , its just a weird place . The cultural mix of British , Spanish , and African is something that you just have to see for yourself . The other breaking news I have for you is that our apartment is slowing turning into a traveler 's hostel . We have had a friend of the family , Rose , stay with us for the past two weeks . She has been hitch - hiking across Europe for almost two years and is planning to head into Africa before returning home to Arkansas . Two other travelers , Dominic and Amylin , came in last night and are staying with us until tomorrow . And on top of all this , we have plans to host three Polish girls in December via couchsurfing . org . It sounds a little crazy , but it has and continues to be a fantastic learning experience . Rose , Dominic , and Amylin all travel virtually exclusively by hitch - hiking . Hearing their stories and how they live has enlightened me to a whole new possibility of travel . I mean , who wouldn 't want to travel across Europe for little to no money ? Not only that , but the opportunities to meet interesting people are endless . Amylin and Rose have both hitched as lone women , so its not incredibly dangerous . They have had a few rough encounters , but most of them have been in poor countries . It is such a revolutionary thing to hear all these stories from people only a few years older than I am . Every time we talk , the world gets larger and larger , and I want to see more and more of it . What to do ? What to do ? Too many possibilities . Zach . Welcome to another later - than - usual post . I think this Spanish lifestyle thing is really getting to me . I 'm taking time just to take time . Its pretty hard work . Anyway , on to my excursion from the previous weekend . This last weekend the three of us decided to rent a car again and take a trip to visit our friend Bianca in La Roda . The town she lives in is a pueblito of about 1500 people . Its around a two and a half hour drive from our town and the best part is that a town called Ronda is on the way there . Ronda is this great historical town that we kept hearing about . We would ask Spaniards about places to go , or about their favorite places to go , and Ronda was almost always in the list . That 's all the spoilers you 're going to get . Now on to the pictures ! This first one is of our new fiesta - green chariot . They gave us another Ford , but this one was miles above our previous car . It was a lot smaller , got better fuel mileage , and it was a diesel ! When I first started it up , I thought it was a little loud , but I put it off as just being some weird Spanish thing . I didn 't realize it was a diesel until I stopped to get gas , and I was really surprised . It had good acceleration and it was pretty quiet . Another great thing is that diesel fuel is about 20 cents cheaper than regular gas . So yeah ! Here is it : We drove up to La Roda Friday afternoon and went into Ronda on Saturday . There are two ways to get to La Roda from our town and we decided to take the scenic route on the way there . One quick word on the drive . Crazy . Madness . Insanity . Another synonym of crazy . That 's all I 'm going to say . No , but seriously , you hear of all those wild Europeans that fly around steep mountain curves with virtually no speed limit . That was the drive to Ronda . It was almost constantly uphill with really sharp curves . I take curves faster than most people and I was taking them at 50 km / hr , which felt fast , but the speed limit was 80 ! I don 't know how those people do it . And the view from Ronda ! The town is on a cliff and looks out over the landscape for kilometers and kilometers . This one is with two of my travel companions : Here is a nice sideways image of the Plaza de Toros entrance . I 'm not sure why it came out sideways . It was taken this way , then I rotated it , and even saved it as a new file . Something apparently gets lost in translation in the hard - drive to blog path . If this causes any neck pain it should make you feel better to know that this plaza is one of the oldest operational plazas in Spain . See ? Now the pain is gone . On to the next picture . Here 's another of those annoying sideways shots . This one is of the bridge . If anyone has an idea of how to fix this , don 't hesitate . This next shot was taken from the bridge overlooking the city . This next picture was taken by an older student of Meg 's that met up with us . She was a really fun lady and showed us around the town . We found this excellent leather shop , where Meg and Bianca each bought a backpack for around 40 euros . They had some excellent looking jackets and I think if I find myself with some excess change I might go pick one up . Almost all of their products were handmade in Ronda . Anyhow , The Ronda Traveling Crew : That is the end of my latest trip . I hope you guys enjoyed the photos . I 'm beginning to get used to the whole camera thing and each trip it seems like I come back with more and more photos . Ronda was inexplicably beautiful and I hope that these view shots can at least give you a hint of what it was like to be there . The experience of sitting on a terrace , while being serenaded by a flamenco guitar , and looking out over the valley was transcendent . We sat out there for around 30 minutes and I 'm sure I could have been there for hours . It truly made me appreciate what an opportunity this has been . Many thanks to all those who helped me get here ,
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Welcome to the website ! Hopefully you 're here because you were the recipient of one of our random acts of kindness and have followed the web address on the card to this website . We created this so that people can hear about our sweet Sullivan and about our Savior . You can read the parts to the story in any order you wish , but if you 'd like to read from the start to finish , here are the titles and the links for you . The PregnancyFinding OutTelling PeopleLaborMeeting SullivanThe FuneralStrongThanks for stopping by ! Please leave comments , we 'd love to hear how your life was touched by Sullivan . Some would say we got no miracle . Our baby died . I say we got a miracle . It wasn 't that our baby lived . It is that he died and we survived . Over the course of this journey so many people have told me how strong I am . And they are right . But I want you to know HOW I am strong . WHY I have been able to deliver a dead baby , bury my child , and still get up in the morning . No one would have blamed me if I had shut myself in the closet and refused to come out . Oh I have cried in the closet . In the car . In the bathroom . In the living room . At the cemetery . At the scrapbook store . At the grocery store . At church . In Sunday School . At doctor 's offices . You name the place , I 've cried there . But I get back up . Somehow through the darkest of nights and bleakest of days , I 've always gotten back up . Here 's how I 've been able to do it . Jesus . Because I accepted that he took the place on the cross and died for MY sins , I have assurance that one day when my time comes , I 'll be reunited with him in heaven . Him and all my beloved family members who accepted him . And Sullivan . Babies aren 't old enough to make a choice to accept Christ , so they ALL go to heaven . This life on earth doesn 't last long . I know soon enough I will be able to see and kiss my baby boy again . Without the assurance of a Savior who conquered death , I don 't know where I 'd be . If you want to know more about Jesus or how to become a Christian , please seek out a Christian church in your area , a minister , or you can even post comments here and I 'll do my best to answer them . If I don 't know an answer , I can find you someone who does . This life will end soon . I 'll be spending eternity with my baby and my family . Where will you be ? Some references for you : Romans 5 : 8 ( New International Version ) " But God demonstrates his own love for us in this : While we were still sinners , Christ died for us . " Romans 10 : 9 ( New International Version ) " That if you confess with your mouth , " Jesus is Lord , " and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead , you will be saved . " John 11 : 25 ( New IPosted by We had a grave - side service on June 17 , 2009 . We did not have an open casket , we had said our goodbyes at the hospital and thought that would be too hard to face , for us and for other people . It was a beautiful day . We 'd been a little afraid of rain or bad weather , but it was great . The sky was bright blue , the sun was shining , and there were white fluffy clouds dotting the sky . Our son had wanted to make a wooden cross for his brother at the funeral . The night before we helped him make one out of popsicle sticks and you can see it up by the casket in this photo : The head minister at our church did the ceremony and many other ministers were there to pay their respects . It was especially meaningful for the head minister to do the ceremony because he and his wife also had a child stillborn some years ago . Some of my family from out - of - state came , my boss , my husband 's new boss , several co - workers , aunts , uncles , brothers , sisters , cousins , grandmas , friends . The minister spoke about the story of David and Bathsheba 's first baby , that died . David was wrought with grief over it but also had hope . " The child will not return to me , but one day I will return to the child . " Our Sunday School class hosted a lunch for us after the funeral . It was really nice to have that time to go eat and relax . Somehow we made it through the day . Plenty of tears were shed but we were able to maintain an amount of composure . You never expect to bury your child . To see that little casket . Here is a picture of the outfit we buried Sullivan in . We had to go to the mall in search of something for him to wear . I didn 't want a stuffy , uncomfortable suit , and most of the sleepers we saw were really bright and cheerful and inappropriate . Then at Von Maur we saw this little Ralph Lauren set . Super soft and cozy . Subdued with light blue pinstripes . It was perfect . We also buried him with the stuffed elephant you see in the crib . My sister had bought that for him and then brought it when she came for the funeral . It gives me such comfort to know my baby isnPosted by June 12 , 2009 . 3 : 40pm . Sullivan was born . How can your date of birth be AFTER your date of death ? Somehow in our story , it is . As soon as he was born I felt the exact same rush of " ohmygoshIloveYousoMuch " that I had felt the instant our older son was born . Sullivan looked so very much like a perfect baby . We just kind of waited for him to gasp for a breath . Obviously that didn 't happen . His perfectly formed , perfectly healthy body just lay there . The nurse put him on my belly for a bit after he was born . We were crying . She took him to wipe him off a little and weigh and measure him . 7lb 4 oz . 20 inches long . Sullivan looked SO much like his older brother ! They have the same full cheeks , little button noses , and adorable ears . The one difference is hair . Our oldest son had a head full of VERY dark , very straight hair at birth . Sullivan 's hair was more dirty - blonde / brown and crazy wavy . . just like my natural hair . We let our older son come in and be the first to meet Sullivan . Then the rest of our family came in a few at a time to see him and hold him . As you can imagine , there were lots of tears . Once all the family left , we kept Sullivan with us in the room for several hours and took turns holding him . I sang to him . I kissed him tons . I wanted to be sure to send him to the grave with at least 100 kisses . So I counted and counted until he 'd had 100 . Then I kissed him tons of other times too without counting . I won 't say much about my husband 's thoughts or expression of grief because that is so personal . He is a more private person than me and his experience is HIS experience to choose to share or not share . Around 8pm I called for the nurse and told her we had said our goodbyes . She came in to take him around 8 : 15pm . Watching him leave , knowing we 'd not see him again , oh man . That was so hard . This is the very last picture we ever took of Sullivan . The nurses had him and took some nice photos for us . We got a lock of hair and an angel ornament , and hand and feet prints . My dad drove me from the doctor 's office to the hospital , and my husband came straight to the hospital from work . It sucked that when I signed in , I had to fill out a paper with name , etc , and it also asked for the name of the pediatrican we would use . I just left that part blank . We HAD a doctor but obviously wouldn 't be using his services . So they get me back to my room and start trying to get my IV in . Nurse 1 tries . No luck . Nurse 2 tries . No luck . They get heating pads for my arm . A vein blows . They have the nurse anesthesist come and try . It takes her 2 tries but finally she gets it . They load me up with fluids and I keep having to get up and go to the bathroom . They try to put in the drug to start labor but my cervix is still so tightly closed they aren 't able to do it without causing me horrible pain . They decide to give me the epidural before that . I get up to go pee one more time . I took a long look at myself in the mirror , the last time I 'd see myself pregnant with Sullivan . My OB arrives as they are putting in the epidural . We chat about his recent unexplained illness . ( He is fine now ) . While he is talking , he raises one eyebrow . I tell him his face will freeze like that . ha . Labor lasted 23 hours . During that time our family and friends were in and out of the room visiting with us . Labor was not progressing well at all . I dilated to a 6 and got stuck . My OB did an ultrasound , found no answers for why the baby wasn 't moving down . He asked if he could pray with us . And there , in my hospital room , he held my hand and prayed with me and my husband . Soon after we started talking about a csection . If the baby wasn 't going to move down , we 'd have to have the surgery . I was okay with that , but knew recovery would be bad . The nurse came in and started going over funeral arrangements with us for Sullivan . She had called local cemeteries to find out what they offer , the cost , etc . My OB had to leave for vacation before it was time to deliver . I 'd gone to him for almost 7 years and did not want someone else delivering Posted by My son and I went back to the exam room so I could get dressed and start making calls . He looked at the doctor and said " Why 'd the baby 's heart stop beating ? " Poor Dr . E just said " We don 't know . " I told our son " He died and went to heaven to be with Jesus . We will miss him because we wanted him to get to be with us for awhile , but we 'll see him again someday . " At the time , my husband worked an hour away from home and as luck would have it was NOT at his desk and not answering his cell phone . Great . So I called his mom , she was nearby and came to get our son . Still no answer from my husband . I needed someone to come be with me , so I called my mom . Thankfully SHE answered her cell phone . I told her there was no heartbeat and she left work immediately to drive to the doctor 's office . While I was waiting for her I kept trying and trying to get ahold of my husband . No luck . The nurses helped me use their computer and try to look up a main phone number for the company . Eventually someone must have gotten ahold of security because later we found out that the entire facility knew something was up , even though my husband only told his boss when he left later that day . Then I called one of my best friends . I knew she 'd be thinking I 'd gone into labor , we were all anxiously awaiting that ! I told her I was at the doctor and the baby had died and would she call the rest of our group from church and anyone else . Next , my mom arrived at the doctor 's office , followed soon by my dad . Finally my husband got out of the meeting he was in , saw the missed calls , and called my cell phone . I told him there is no heartbeat . He said " So what does that mean ? " I replied " It means he 's gone , J . The baby died . " " Oh my gosh . Oh my gosh . I 'm on my way . " he said . I had a choice - - - to be induced immediately , or to wait for labor to occur naturally which could take a few days / weeks . I chose to be induced . No way could I live through the next few days or weeks knowing there was a dead baby in my belly . No way could I face strangers out at stores or restauranPosted by Tuesday , June 9th was our oldest son 's birthday . I was 9 months pregnant , had been having contractions and was tired . We went bowling with some friends and family . The next evening , June 10th , I went out shopping for my doctor and nurse . My OB and my nurse were wonderful . Knowing I would have the baby soon , I wanted to get them each a thank - you gift . So I went to a local Christian book - store and got an engraved cross statue thing for my doctor , then I went across the street to Lowe 's and got a hanging plant for the nurse . I wrote out their cards , packed stuff in the car and went to bed . The morning of June 11th was a crazy morning . Our son was going with me to the doctor 's appointment as he had so many times before . The house was a mess , we were running late , and my patience was wearing thin . I arrived at the doctor 's office thinking I was 15 minutes late . Turns out I had the appt time wrong and was an hour late ! They said it would be okay and could probably work me in . I went and sunk down into a waiting room chair and started to cry . " I HAVE to be seen today ! " I thought . They were able to get me in right away . I did the standard pee - in - a - cup , take your blood pressure , and so forth . Sat down in the exam room . Dr . E * came in and chatted with me . I told him how ready I was to have this baby ! Pregnancy was wearing on my body and I was ready to hold my baby ! He checked my ankles for swelling ( thank you doctor , for NOT referring to them as " cankles , " though that would have been an accurate description ) . I laid back on the bed and he got out the doppler . Every visit the doctor listens to Sullivan 's heartbeat . He couldn 't hear one . So he had me lay on my side . Still nothing . . . . . . . . Finally a little bit of a beat . Very slow compared to what a baby 's should be . " Is his heart okay ? " I said , " It sounds awful slow . " " I agree . " Replied Dr . E . He left the room and the nurse came in to get me across the hall for an ultrasound . I sat in there ( remember , 6 yr old in tow ) and waited . I didn 't think my baby was dead , but I knew something wPosted by October 11th , 2008 we invited our parents over to see some " landscaping " we had done in the yard . What they REALLY saw when they pulled up was a big yard card that said " Baby # 2 Due June 22 , 2009 . " We had the camcorder and videoed their reactions . Both sets of parents were shocked and thrilled ! My pregnancy progressed very well . I went to all of my OB visits , and didn 't have any trouble ( aside from the regular ailments of pregnancy : backache , etc ) . The day of our 20 week ultrasound we took our oldest son to Build - A - Bear to make a bear for his baby brother . This was going to be his gift to the baby at the hospital . At 37 weeks I had an ultrasound just to check and make sure Sullivan was no longer breech . We are so thankful for that ultrasound ! My doctor had just gotten a 3D machine so we were able to see Sullivan very clearly and see him scrunch up his face and move around . It would be the only time we 'd ever see him move . Some pictures from pregnancy - - - the 38 wonderful weeks I held Sullivan : At 38 weeks I went in for my regular weekly checkup and that is when things went downhill . . . . .
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TagsAI , Artificial Intelligence , Dystopia , Eutopia , feminism , Feminist , Free literature , Free Story , Future , Geek , Privilege , rape culture , Robot , Short Story , Smile , Speculative Fiction , Violence , what if , Writing Chris beamed and the door opened , its sensor flashing green . This week was going to be tough . Exams were starting in two days , and yesterday during an oral presentation he forgot to cite one of his sources . That led to Professor Schuttman accusing him of plagiarism . He was meeting with her in half an hour to talk about it , but there was no way to prove it was an honest mistake . He 'd have to plead his case by the sheer force of his sincerity . If that wasn 't bad enough , this morning he finally heard back from Adele . She said she found the date " disappointing " and had been expecting something more . He messaged back , " More what ? " But she never responded . He kind of wished now that she 'd never messaged him at all . He smiled , stepping into the dim café and making his way to the order station . Three girls sat at one table , reading and drinking their tea . At the counter , the coffee machine 's facial recognition software prompted the suggestion for his usual triple - sugar no - cream , reading his confirmation and sputtering out the brew almost before he knew what it was asking . He reached for it slowly , still smiling , and sliding his card through the side of the register . The words No Charge lit up the screen . One of the girls made a sound of disgust . Chris tried to ignore it as he took the coffee , but she caught his eye and shook her head at him . He chuckled and shrugged as he walked away . He was willing to bet that in public none of those girls even grinned . All of this started a long time ago . Chris like to think about these things . It was once upon a time , some lady invented this device that could convert cheerfulness to power . That 's when everything changed . The world was saved from a climate apocalypse . Wars all over the planet petered out as the wealthy and powerful who funded them started relying on the happiness of the masses . People didn 't die of heat or cold when suddenly everyone could afford safe , clean energy - after all . It cost nothing to smile . The problem was , not everyone was good at smiling . And the AI of most machines could tell . Their programming kept them in check , for the most part . They did their jobs , serving peoples ' food and cleaning and lighting up a room . But all their sensors would pivot toward the person with the brightest smile . They would use whatever discretion they were allowed to try and make that person look their way a little longer . Sometimes that included freebies ; money to a robot was nothing but a tool . Chris always got free stuff . He was a naturally sunny guy . His smile was a thousand watts ; he laughed easily and could even , if the timing was right , get a whole room cracking up with a contagious silent - shaking fit . He was good for real little waves of ha - ha 's over terrible puns , one - note chortles of agreement , or intelligent smirks making anything an inside - joke . People liked him . Robots likes him . He understood that he was lucky ; not everyone could do what he could with a smile . And there were faces that robot sensors wouldn 't recognize , even if their perkiness was powering a system . Still , people weren 't trained rats ; you didn 't smile because you were hoping to get a treat . You smiled because if you didn 't , the robot who made your coffee might lose battery and then not work for the next guy . People who sulked when they could help it never seemed to think about how they were mooching off of other people 's cheer . Chris felt his smile - his damned , lucky smile - waking up and trying to steal the corners of his mouth and eyes . This was serious , he knew that . He had to look like he was being serious . " Professor , " said Chris . " I get nervous in front of people . I swear to God . I practiced so much for that presentation , but I can 't even remember what I said now . If I missed a source , I swear , it was not intentional . " " We can remind you . " Schuttman glared at the wall . Her desktop popped up , with files for every class . She pointed out the recording for yesterday 's presentation , and there was Chris , winking and nodding around the room with a giant cheesy beam . Schuttman snorted with derision . " He does not look ill at ease . " " No , no he does not , " muttered Chris . Schuttman looked at him . " But he is ! Even though he doesn 't look it . I mean , that 's the point of a presentation , right ? Aren 't you supposed to look comfortable , even when you 're really not ? " " You 're supposed to have done the work well enough to know what you 're talking about . Now you tell me the reason that you misrepresented the source of a section is that you were uncomfortable , despite appearing perfectly well - put - together in video . Yet you come to me claiming I can trust in your sincerity . How do I know that you aren 't making a presentation to me , right now ? " " Well , because I 'm not ! " Said Chris , trying desperately not to laugh . " I 'm seriously being honest ! " He tried so hard to keep his face straight , while Professor Schuttman kept up her silent staring , that a little , little tear came out . He felt his whole face go red and he dropped his gaze to the floor . " Perhaps if you presented less , and worked more , I wouldn 't have to fail you . " Professor Schuttman sighed . " There aren 't any robots in college , kid . You won 't get a pass for your smile . " Chris walked on wooden legs all the way to the stoplight at the corner of the North Side . All the weight from his stomach seemed to have shifted into his feet . The light was red , so he waited . And waited . The cars streamed past in an endless river . With the tail of his eye , he saw the stoplight 's sensor fixed on him . That greedy sonofahater , he thought . It wasn 't going to let him walk until he smiled . Chris peeled his lips from his teeth and waggled his head around sarcastically . After a second or two , the light turned green . Chris was halfway through the crosswalk when it turned back to red and oncoming traffic , not paying attention , nearly ran him over . Three cars pulled up short and started honking while he sprinted for the other side . He could get to the South Side faster if he cut through the next parking lot , and avoid any more asshole stoplights . He walked on and managed to work the shadow of a smile over his skin . He noted a pair of Punishers hovering above cars , scanning plates and spitting tickets at the ones lacking proper permit . He stepped softly as he passed , but one of the Punishers swiveled in mid - air , its sensor fixing on him . Every robot in the world knew him as a cheerful man ; they shared that kind of data . He was the first one they would turn to when their batteries were low . He knew this . He also knew that Punishers low on steam were fucking dangerous . They wouldn 't ever slow down or get weak if they were dying . Instead , their programming sent them straight into Crisis Mode , in which they lost restraints deemed non - essential . Humans were thieves to robots in Crisis Mode - hoarding positivity they needed just to function . Combatants deserving of take - down . Smile , thought Chris , while the robot scanned his face . Don 't look afraid . Odds were the Punisher was full - battery and not going to chase him down . If he looked afraid the robot would think he was a hater . He wasn 't a hater . He smiled well and helped the world to run . He didn 't hate AI . He shouldn 't be afraid . Chris didn 't know if he started to run or not . It didn 't matter . The bot bowled him over and pinned him down , its sensor shining into his eyes , its appendages opening his mouth and preventing him from blinking , all of its power focused on taking his good energy . This was because his smile was bright . Bots knew it and looked to him to save them every day . This was because his smile wasn 't bright enough . The bot was low - battery . He couldn 't beam it out of Crisis Mode . Hungry bots with bobby sticks and no restraint . This was why you smiled every day . This was why some people never smiled , and hated what you got for doing it . Chris , on the ground , never struggled . Professor Schuttman thought he was a plagiarist . Adele wanted something more . His smile wasn 't who he was , it was something else . It blasted over his face , saving and betraying , his laughter came tumbling out and the robot hummed and sucked it up , his collapsing pitches electrically jolting , restoring the Punisher 's senses . Chris licked his bleeding gums and waited to find out if , now that the robot was fed , he was still an enemy . Or if he was nothing at all . Of Prince 's illustrious career people were gleefully eager to speak of this moment https : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = dZLP38moqC8 when His Royal Rain kicked Kim offstage as among his very best . So many memes were groaning , " Dear hypothetical God - quit killing musicians . Take a Kardashian woman next . " Not even love for our musical royalty would seem to glow as bright if not bolstered by that uniquely red - hot hate inspired by this particular breed of socialite . The first may have been a joke , but - heavy accusations , there , to wield against a woman . Having reproductive freedom , taking up space . Making money . Exerting control over her own physical appearance . Having influence . Being seen . She does quite a lot of stuff , in fact , which is why she has that growing inescapable empire everyone also complains about . It 's called business savvy . And if you don 't know what shit she does , but you still hate her , what you hate could be the fact itself that she does shit . Put bluntly , sexism . She 's a woman who 's capitalizing on sexuality and infamy . If she 's " everywhere " it means she 's successful - dare I say , powerful . And people don 't quite get why - because people still think of female sexuality as inherently passive . If she 's famously sexual , she 's famous for " no reason " . If her business empire is founded on her sexual fame , it 's indelibly based on her " doing nothing . " Look at her . Just at look at her . Smiling on magazine covers . You can tell she 's doing nothing , because look at all the pictures where she 's just doing nothing . She can 't possibly be doing things the rest of the time that she 's not posing for pictures , and she 's certainly not doing things while she 's posing for those pictures , because look at her . That face . That plastic surgery . You don 't get famous for being looked at and still get credit for doing shit . And Kim Kardashian is nothing if not seen . She makes sure of it . She tweets and instagrams all over the internet , she realities all over the TV , and now her name is on perfume and shoes and you have to see it when you walk through stores . It 's no wonder people cheered when Prince gave Ms . Kardashian that push - lightly , but still - saying the words everyone must be dying to say . " Get off the stage ! " Because that 's what you do when someone you don 't approve of existing keeps reminding of their existing by standing there in broad daylight , right ? You push them away . Prince could do that , but you and me ? We 're stuck with her . We know from her tweets that night , Prince invited her onstage , and she was too starstruck to dance . So she stood , doing nothing , just like always . Being visible with nothing to say . As if being visible is doing something in itself . What if her image , itself , is worth something ? And what if she knows it , and owns it , and sells it , and you buy it . Aren 't you mad at Kim , after all , for subverting the societal expectation of a self - apologizing female sexuality ? This status quo that acknowledges sexy women make stuff sell , but denies that the woman 's sexiness has value on its own . The sexy woman can 't sell her sexiness without also having to sell , like , beer . Or deodorant . Toothpaste . Anything , really , that benefits some dude in a suit . One might say , pimps up hoes down . And you were afraid young girls would emulate Kim Kardashian . That could be the worst . To have our young women corrupted into recognizing their own sexuality and wanting to personally profit from it . It 's terrifying to consider a world in which traditional gender norms are cast away . We 're not ready for it . We 're not ready for our young women to want to be sexual . It 's better to put up with a system that incentivizes female sexuality as little as humanely possible . Even when that means disincentivizing female sexuality . Hello rape culture , were you here the whole time ? Kim Kardashian is proof that you can be a rebel in this world without fighting or rejecting any part of it . Maybe she is a pawn in your media machine like you said , conforming to the standards set by The Man , neither free nor independent , nor liberated , nor self - loving . Regardless , she 's calling the bluff of everybody using some pretense to sell themselves . She 's fine with image itself being product . That bothers us . Case in point : Kim 's " break the internet " photo featuring her bare ass . Wikipedia reports , " A Time magazine writer commented that , unlike previous celebrities ' nudes that represented the women 's rebellion against repressed society and " trying to tear down " barriers , Kardashian 's exhibition was " just provocation and bluster , repeated images that seem to offer us some sort of truth or insight but are really just self serving . We want there to be something more , some reason or context , some great explanation that tells us what it is like to live in this very day and age , but there is not . Kim Kardashian 's ass is nothing but an empty promise . " https : / / en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Kim _ Kardashian # cite _ note - 38 When was it decided that with great ass should come great explanation ? Who made you this " promise " that women on display would not be self - serving , but be martyrs to the greater public good ? What entitles you to any form of profit when a female celebrity lets her butt gleam free ? I could call it sexism , and it is , but it 's become more than that . It 's pimpism . It 's rape culture . It 's what 's for breakfast . With a female celebrity we start with the presumption that her sexuality is public property , and every gain she makes thereby becomes , of course , our business . Hence comes the ire when famous - for - sex Kim Kardashian isn 't doing with that fame and wealth and ass what 's better for us than for her . It 's not true that when watching a male athlete get rich and famous by using his norms - defying body " we want there to be something more , some reason or context " . It 's enough that he 's nice to watch . When he 's rich , it 's enough that he 's rich - that money is his . When he 's famous , it 's good that he 's famous . He owes it to no one to use that fame as a springboard for other causes . Nobody cares that the standard of athleticism he sets is unattainable to most of his viewers , nor that any number of young men will take him as a role model and harbor unrealistic career goals as a result . His social contract is two clauses long : He will try to win . We will cheer him on . What we all have been watching in the saga of Kim Kardashian is a never - ending , mostly successful attempt to win . When your dad defends OJ Simpson and everyone knows it : fuck prestige , me and Paris gettin famous bad . When the singer you married at 19 becomes physically and verbally abusive : fuck you too , I 'm still gonna win . When you open a boutique with your sister three years later : It 's a start . When you blow up reality TV and playboy and the internet : Winning harder , sell more shit , get more famous , keep on winning . The fact that she does use her personal platform for the good of others is a moot one , because it 's not enough and no one cares and she isn 't even trying . Need we rehash the flawless photogenic math by which we conclude that Kim Kardashian doesn 't do anything ? So what if one of her brands of lipbalm supports a fund for female entrepreneurs ? Who cares that she advocates for recognition of the Armenian Genocide , or if access to Kim 's generous spotlight allowed Caitlyn Jenner to spring from the transgender closet directly to the cover of Vanity Fair and the award of Woman of the Year that facebook officially has launched the new age of transgender rights ? What has Kim Kardashian ever done , for us ? And maybe it 's fair to expect our celebrities to acknowledge and be accountable for privilege , particularly when the daring images they make bank on were already shot with black models when there was more to lose . But the hatred - the million - meme - a - day , universal - approbation - earned - by - each - barb - in - her - name , you - want - to - burn - this - article - to - the - ground - with - three - different - types - of - fuel , searing , insidious , personal hatred - that can 't be explained by proportionate appeal to meritocracy . Searing , insidious , personal hatred doesn 't make unworthy celebrities less famous . It 's the very base of Kim Kardashian 's business model ; Kim Kardashian is fun to watch , and fun to hate . So her name in your mouth is a product . We consume it no matter the context of utterance . These are the terms of her contract with us : We will watch . She will let us . The comment surrounding her 2007 sex tape with Ray J typifies this relationship . The comment has been , by and large - look how fake that is ! ( In an angry voice ) . The people who watched it will especially point out how the footage can 't have been shot without her knowing - how her hair and makeup is done so well and it looks like the scene was professionally filmed and lighted . And this is offensive and archetypal of why Kim Kardashian is good to hate . She couldn 't just get spied on and besmirched , like a normal slutty socialite , like her bestie Paris Hilton . No . She had to go and fucking consent about it . There 's this thing about A Woman Who Lets You Watch we figured out a long time ago . The thing is that you want to , even when it 's wrong . And we 're all in agreement that when you just can 't stop yourself from watching , it 's her fault for being such a fucking dirty worthless slut that she doesn 't fight tooth and nail to make you look away . It 's even worse when she doesn 't know how wrong it is - when her body is in your hands to do with what you will , and you go to test her boundaries and find that she has none . She doesn 't judge if you call her names , or spit in her face , and it 's fucking terrifying when you realize maybe that 's exactly what you want to do . Maybe you can talk yourself into thinking she deserves it , but the truth is you want to , just because you can . Prince , it might uplift you to know , also seems to have thought so . He invited her on his stage to dance , and after that iconic sassy farewell , his royal purpleness decided to pull her back up for another try . Her concluding tweet that night is a fitting tribute to how much of an asshole Prince wasn 't , and to why if you hate Kim Kardashian you 're not in his good company : TagsAbortion , Atificial Womb , Dystopia , Eutopia , feminism , Free Fiction , Free literature , Invetro Fertilization , Life Begins at Conception , Natural Childbirth , Pregnancy , Right to Life , Science Fiction , Womens ' Rights Thanks to the evolution of technology , every human embryo is certain to develop in perfect health and be born without risk , pain , or any inconvenience at all to either parent . Still , Gretchen insists that as a mother she should have the special right to doom her own children in utero . Is she in the wrong , or not ? TagsAbortion , Castration , casual sex , Convenience , Convenient , Erotica , feminism , MRA , murder , Orgasm , Pro - Choice , Pro - Life , Rape - Guard , slut , the risk of pregnancy , Womens ' Rights In the middle of sex , Frank killed his sweet and loving girlfriend . Some say there is no justification for his action . Riley isn 't so sure . The origin of chivalric ideals have nothing to do with the acquisition of sex or any obligation on the part of lady to the well - mannered man . At its core , chivalry can be seen as a medieval answer to PTSD - a tool for organizing all the messy moral and psychological concerns that happen when standing armies normalize warfare as a means of livelihood . Raping women or allowing women to be raped as battlefield conquests were foremost among the items on the no - no list - important psychologically to the knight , important culturally to the Catholic Church leadership , and important economically at the state level , as the king 's interests in war revolved primarily around an increasing tax base - which just would not be accomplished by the addition of whole populations of widows wounded in body and mind beyond forgiveness and pregnant with unplanned - for bastards . The courtly manners that emerge when knights were at home served the same purposes , to a subtler extent - manners kept the knight on leave mindful of his duties and training in an ongoing capacity as they kept the rest of society mindful and reverent of the station of the knight . A knight speaking ungraciously to a lady was a knight demonstrably lacking in military vigilance , forgetful of the sociological standards preferred by the brotherhood - at - arms , by King and by Pope , and mentally unprepared to do battle in the interests of others . A knight failing to uphold the laws of chivalry could not be trusted by neighbors to take up the mantle of power and put it down again when the time called for it . The courtly manners of a knight , then , were nothing less important than a continuing , visible pledge , in acknowledgement of his own power , that he would never use it to abuse or antagonize others . Thus , a number of knights on horseback happening upon a carriage of ladies on the road could remove their hats or helmets and convey , instantly , over distance , their intentions to protect and serve those women . The ladies could rest assured they wouldn 't be driven off the road and raped - the horsemen were good guys , their weapons devoted to their safety in the event of bandit attacks or rabid animal sightings or any other danger that could be helped with a horse and sword . The door - wielding gents of today might not be volunteering to jump in the way of feral raccoons or bands of thieves on my account , but still , convey some incarnation of the chivalric tradition . A guy I don 't know holding open the door for me at a gas station after work one night . A male friend offering to walk me to my car . The implication in these instances isn 't that said male is putting a down - payment on a future action of mine - it 's not a transaction between two people . It 's the renewal of a social contract , acknowledging certain inequalities between genders that are more pronounced in some circumstances than in others - an effort expended in recognition of higher levels of danger faced by lone women in public . Implicit in these displays , one might read the same message as the ladies of yore - that of a man sensible of his own privilege and troubling to communicate a benign or supportive intent , to give a bit more peace of mind to a lady he may or may not know . Sure , there are modern guys who flaunt their manners as a matter of ego , and who wind up getting in the way or going so far in their demonstrations for concern as to undermine a lady 's choices for herself . If I want to take a walk alone and have assessed my risk - level to be low , for example , a fellow refusing to leave me alone is a creep , regardless of his stated intentions . But the codes are here still , and relevant , because we haven 't come to an age where women aren 't targeted , specifically for being women , by strangers with rape in mind . Socially , manners do the opposite of what you think they do , and marriage does the opposite of what you think it does . Because you think it 's all been about the subjugation of women , when it hasn 't . You think I 'm crazy , over there . But I 'm right , and if we look at biology , I can prove it to you . The assumption goes that marriage has most traditionally been about women being the property of men . Actually , biologically there is no incentive for men to own women . To the contrary , what is in the interests of an individual male 's heredity is to impregnate as many women as quickly as possible , limiting the amount of intimate time spent with any individual woman . Human males , as predators at the top of the food chain , have no personal , biological incentives to stick around after a partner becomes pregnant . Women , on the other hand , are limited in terms of descendent - production . We can only produce a handful or two of offspring over the course of an entire life , which means we have a biological incentive to be very selective and to maintain lasting relationships with high - quality genetic investors . Hence , the hymen - an inbuilt , generationally reliable disincentive against incautious sexuality that only works because of human socialization . Without the given that mothers would tell their daughters about the scary - bloody - pain of a too - heedless initiation into sexuality , it would have no effect on behavior . A torn hymen doesn 't mend in correlation with a woman 's cycle or change of sexual partners , as might have been the case had it existed to serve the interests of males , who could benefit from knowing whether a female 's eggs have accepted applicants already . Rather , the hymen serves as a biological message carried on through an assumed matriarchy , wherein a female having selected a high - quality male and initiated an ongoing intimate relationship with him would have no further impetus towards caution in sex acts . The biological propellant for marriage puts the favor , as well as the responsibility , far in the ladies ' sphere of interests . Polygamy , popular in ancient societies , is something of a biological compromise allowing sister - wives to share a high - quality mate . This practice disenfranchises low - quality males , and it still caps the production of the high - quality male 's descendants according to the number of wives involved . There really isn 't a biological disincentive to any of the women in the arrangement . You 've been told , as I have , that humans evolved from other animals and that by looking at the structure and commonalities among animal hierarchies , we can gather some clues as to the natural biological order of human affairs . What rarely is explained to anyone is the fact that human mating patterns by and large don 't look like the mating dance of lions or other species that are unequivocally male - centric . Where the genetic interests of males over females are served , it 's only competition with other males that limits the number of females any dick knocks up . Lions do it that way ; humans don 't . That 's good , because lions are dumb . Male lions can send female lions into heat by killing their babies . Human males , can 't . What 's served the interests of our species has been that women select the highest quality partners to optimize their offspring 's odds of survival , thereby optimizing all human potential . The flower - giving date - taker hails of a legacy that still remembers this : the biological interests of females over males benefit the whole of humanity . If the human standard for reproduction were the ability of males to beat each other senseless , we might have been bigger creatures , with talons and horns and poisonous teeth . Instead , what we have thanks to this matriarchy of sapiosexual natural selection is the ability to talk , and to do awesome things with our hands . In fact , women have historically had a hell of a lot more power than some are comfortable admitting . Women have fought in wars and led wars , women have ruled over countries and towns and businesses and nonprofit ventures , even in the deepest depths of what we call the Dark Ages , when you thought none of that was allowed . Sometimes it was a case of hereditary accident , when the males who might have been expected to fill those positions had died without male progeny or been left in charge as kids . But not always . Powerful families vied to get their daughters voted into institutionalized positions such as Abbess , where they might be wielding imperial immediacy over entire cities . Armor was crafted specifically for the wives of knights , who often rode with their men into battle . Farmers ' daughters planted and millers ' daughters ran mills and merchants ' daughters learned to balance ledgers , because as long as these things need doing , who can afford to give etiquette a damn ? The truth is , women have always been able to do the things that men have done . There were women explorers and lady Vikings and warrior queens in every century . There was room at the front for Joan of Arc before Anglo political bullshit got her executed and room at the frontier for the pregnant Sacagawea , and where there wasn 't room but a big explicit " keep away " sign , women who felt inclined dressed up like men and went off adventuring anyway . Sometimes they were caught and made examples of , but other times when they were caught they had commanders like George Washington who didn 't make such a fuss , and remembered to grant gals like Deborah Samson their pensions after discharge . This isn 't to say that patriarchy didn 't happen and doesn 't exist - it did and it does . But how this happened is an issue of transient pragmatics - a re - establishment of values in light of changing evolutionary goals and survival expectations . To assume women were the voiceless serfs of men until the enlightenment assumes a biological subservience that just isn 't there - as though the majority muscle mass of men over women worked out to be some kind of societal arm - wrestling match we just kept losing , until the painters came and made things better . How about the fact that empathy is a thing that happens even to powerful people that makes us feel kind of bad when others are unhappy ? How about the fact that women aren 't stupid , and have always been able to figure out when we 've had a raw deal . Why , then , did we accept the raw deal historically ? Forget every argument you 've ever had about gender . I 've had a lot of them , and I can 't remember more than a handful that more than marginally touch upon the one root cause of gender inequality , that continues and will continue to cause us issues for all time . The fact is that the only real , undeniable , conclusive and significant difference between women and men is the fact that women can get pregnant , and men can 't . Not all women can get pregnant . But enough can to have merited the systematic identification and designation of male from female in every human society that has ever lived . Meanwhile , no male alive has ever given birth . Socially , historically , this has meant that any number of young boys could be stupid and go off hunting elephants alone and if they died it would suck , but the tribe could survive it . Five sets of balls would do to maintain the population , if enough healthy young women remained . Given the risks of childbirth as they always have been , risking the life of a woman unnecessarily was a level of stupid few societies ever could afford . So men , who lack the white elephant of a people - making anatomy , have always been afforded the right to take risks with their own lives . You might make a village safer , richer , or more powerful by some venture that requires putting lives on the line , so men became by default our gamblers - waging war against the neighbors , exploring the deepest depths of our untrodden jungle , sailing in boats across the ocean . Triumph was never guaranteed , and that made it that much more impressive when men returned with the heads of predators no longer a threat , or sacks of jewels and gold . A man who was clever , as well as risk - willing , might earn the trust and devotion of his tribe with the initiation and execution of multiple successful ventures . Other men might follow his plans and join him in future quests ( none of which would be possible without the matriarchal mating system , which , in assuming women will choose their mates , allows men to see each other as partners instead of as genetic rivals . ) Now we 're approaching the point in human history where bodily risk in pursuit of innovation is unnecessary , and for that reason women are increasingly visible in power roles . Now , too , infant mortality is at an unprecedented low , such that in industrial societies it 's more or less taken for granted that any baby you have will live . What happens in other species at points like these is a state known as dynamic equilibrium , where fertility rates naturally drop to about what is needed to replenish the current population . In places like India , though infant mortality rates have been dropping , there is no cemented expectation ( yet ) that children will survive - hence the current population explosion , regardless of the prevalence or lack of birth control . This period , in which a global surplus of childbearing renders it unnecessary for everyone to consider it a duty of women to get pregnant , is an historical reprieve . A woman like me can choose , today , not to have children , and should I decide I want to start a family , a woman like me can adopt children borne by other women . Likewise , any males unable to find an accommodating womb can adopt an already - made baby and start a family without asking any woman to suffer on his behalf . Women of the second and third wave feminist movements have been incredibly consistent in downplaying the role of women as mother in literature and in action , preferring to tackle issues like the pay - gap and ( exclusively non - procreative ) sexual freedom . It was necessary , that women could shake off the accident of patriarchy and participate fully in all the lucrative and non - life - threatening new waves of human enterprise born of the digital age . For a generation or so , women like my mother worked 12 - hour shifts as nurses and came home to do the cooking and the cleaning and help the husbands with the yard - work and nurse the young - doing it all , just to prove they could , affording no excuse to the anti - feminists who might have argued that they didn 't want for anything to change . Being a woman still carries a load of biological , fiscal and social responsibilities that men just do not have to deal with , and this makes us different , still . Not in a little way . Like it or not , women still have a monopoly on the fetal real estate , and we pay our taxes for it . Monthly , no king or senate necessary - our bodies do the figuring , setting aside layers of nutrients and resetting our circulatory systems , often painfully , in support of the continued ability of our species to reproduce . We bleed out and soak it up , walking around like normal , buying the gauze to stanch that flow ourselves . The dynamic equilibrium of our population also requires tax , which many women pay in the form of birth control . There 's a financial tag to that , and there are physiological and psychological tags as well . The Pill requires setting a timer every day , and never forgetting to medicate . It creates an increased risk for blood - clots and for strokes , and carries with it the weight of any chronic medication - it requires paperwork and doctor 's approvals and sometimes legislation . IUD 's don 't involve medication , but they hurt like a bitch to install , and they increase the pangs of menstruation monthly . Female sterilization is invasive surgery , and not often approved for younger women anyways . Inevitably , these are burdens women alone come to shoulder who involve themselves in monogamous relationships with men . Monogamy remains a mutual concern where the majority of sex acts aren 't procreative because STI 's exist and the only protection against those ( condoms ) tend to reduce sexual gratification . The sexual revolution happened because birth control happened , and within committed lifelong monogamous relationships childbirth is among the only concerns outside of inclination that could thwart somebody 's sex - drive . Liberating though that revolution has been to sexual partnerships inside and outside of marriage , the movement isn 't free . Women pay . The thought doesn 't make sense unless you ignore physical reality , no matter what direction you turn it in . And I 've turned it over through the years from many angles , holding it as up as a standard at times to judge the culture , as we do with the words of our teachers . Sure , he may have been speaking of legalities , but in legal terms women and men are only equal if you ignore everything that has to do biologically with being a woman . Like any of the scores of laws dealing exclusively with the conditions under which a woman is compelled or not to give birth or the hoops she 'll have to run through to qualify for long - term birth control options . Or like the fact that women are legally required to cover our breasts in most public areas , as well as our genitals . Or in the very arena Mr . History had referenced as unique - that of the armed forces - where we have not seen an active draft in over a generation , yet there have been laws keeping willing women out of active combat right up until the present . Pregnancy isn 't no big deal . It 's a near - year of physical illness that will probably include in varying and increasing degrees nausea , vomiting , back pain , body aches , sleeplessness , fatigue , loss of bladder control , periods of depression , mania and anxiety , rapid and significant weight - gain , difficulty standing and so on , all while abstaining from medications taken for granted by the rest of the population , and such pervasive pleasures as alcohol , coffee , and perhaps sexual activity . Then culminating in one of the most painful , multi - hour ( probably multi - day ) ordeals known to humankind and not uncommonly resulting in vaginal tearing and other organ damage , postpartum depression , sickness , and sometimes death . You can find a more detailed and gory description of the horrors of pregnancy , childbirth and breastfeeding here : http : / / www . damemagazine . com / 2015 / 01 / 22 / becoming - mother - made - me - pro - choice How about we ask ourselves whether women 's bodies aren 't just better at managing physical stress over the long - term , because we 're used to dealing with it ? Because , a normal , healthy woman 's body causes her pain , and a man 's doesn 't . That would attribute women 's longevity to women 's bodies being in one particular way superior to men 's , though , and while I 'm comfortable doing that , others , aren 't . This is the kind of world it is for us . Women and men both work , and women and men are equals . Except that the bodies of women don 't belong to women . Women laugh it off or are taught not to mention it , but it 's not the way of the world to treat the behavior of women as sacrifices or as favors . It 's the way of the world to take it all for granted , so that no one ever mentions the fact that breastfeeding hurts while debating how healthy or important it might be for the child or whether it 's appropriate in public . Individual women know this , whether we ever have children or not , because the rest of the world knows it and reminds us - a woman 's body is one made for others . Her diet , her exercise , her drug use , her health are not relevant exclusively to her , but directly and physiologically relevant to the health of her descendants . Women live with the awareness every moment of every day that what happens to our bodies happens to our children 's bodies , and to our grandparents ' bodies , because our ancestors gave us these imperatives within our genes . Whether we choose to ignore those little voices and live for ourselves , or obey them , can be a constant , engrained , struggle . I can 't speak from experience , but am comfortable assuming that whatever powers of instinct , psyche or spirit exist to complete human understanding are also affected by that group consciousness through which gender is codified - such that a transgender woman born without a womb may experience these societal demands personally at the level of consciousness alone . Were women and men to begin reproducing artificially and the female womb to become obsolete , I don 't see why any consciousness or personal experience of gender would continue beyond a handful of generations . That , however , is not likely to become the priority of innovators , as long as women are ok with being women and having it harder than men . This , being ok with being women , is a choice women have made and by and large , remarkably , have refrained from pointing out when challenged to quantify our social disadvantage . There 's nothing we can do about the burdens of our bodies , and it 's so glaringly and obviously unfair as to merit no remark . You 'd have to be stupid not to recognize it . So how do you begin to discuss with a pro - lifer who literally does not see the relevance of women to pregnancy how abortion is neither murder nor a solution to mere " inconvenience " ? Roe vs . Wade hinged not on bodily autonomy ( because such a concept in relation to pregnant women seems to only just be recently dawning ) , but on the controversy of when " personhood " begins . We 'll just have to get used to stating the obvious . In terms of civil rights , it does not freaking matter whether a fetus is a person . When my body is given to another - when I suffer to benefit him or her - I 'm either a motherfucking hero for that chosen sacrifice , or a slave who belongs rightfully to somebody else . There is no ground between " owned " and " free " . Some Men 's ' Rights ' Activists express concern that at the rate women are becoming educated , we are overwhelming men in the market and in the social fields . You may have felt tempted to argue , to say that was crazy , that the patriarchy 's still a thing we 're struggling against . But why bother ? When you read the biology and do the math , they 're right . Underlying the paternal fuck - ups over the ages have been all the biological underpinnings of a perfectly good matriarchy . At that ever - nearing point in time when nothing 's different between genders but our baby - making powers , we must come to terms with the stark reality of the situation : that , in terms of reproduction , men need women more than women need men . We saw attached to similar concepts a sense of reverence in traditions surrounding women of the past . Don 't be scared . This , matriarchy , has worked out well for our species . I like my big brain and my ability to talk . And I 'm from one of those communities at the privileged end of our global population surplus , low infant mortality , and cheap and effective birth control options . I don 't have to feel personally responsible for physically producing 2 . 1 descendants , and I don 't . If I decide to have kids , I 'll adopt , as I was adopted . I recognize that my position is one of luxury over the women of past ages , over the present in less privileged situations , and of future ages , too . I 'm not going to deny this advantage . Neither am I going to reduce my feelings of guilt by trying to find someone who has it easier than I to point and shrill against . In fact , I don 't feel guilt . What I feel , is gratitude . I would hope that a male in my society , whose personal risks and sacrifices are less than mine , less than the physiological taxes and less than the sociological pressures , can acknowledge and feel grateful for the constant work and pain of my body in readiness of reproduction . It 's not your fault or ours that women have more to deal with than men . It 's all biology . It all makes primal sense . In the spirit of either gratitude , or duly stating the obvious , I 'd like to remind everyone again that childbirth isn 't funny . Breastfeeding isn 't funny . Menses isn 't funny . Menopause isn 't funny . Though humor has been the dominant of the only two lenses through which to view these phenomenon in recent popular culture . Reverence is the other , rarer lens . TagsDomestic Abuse , Dragon , feminism , Flying , Magic I used to live on an island that had a village in the middle , and a high rocky bluff on one side . You could never tell , from one day to the next , whether the wind was going to blow against the bluff or with it , and since it was always a strong wind we tended to avoid the cliffs altogether . There were woods , too , all around the village and blocking the beaches . I liked to go exploring those alone . One morning while I was out looking for firewood , I came across the most badass - looking creature I 'd ever seen . He was covered all over with scales and spikes , and his long , twisting body sported a pair of blood - red wings . His whole body , from the horn of his nose to the tip of his tale , shone where the light speckled down like a ruby . He choked on the little fireball he 'd been working on , then tried to swallow the smoke . A little leaked out of his nose anyway . " Hey , that 's ok , " I said , flopping down in the soft moss next to him . " My mother always said , nothing great comes easy . Of course , she 's always been ordinary , so who knows , right ? " My parents were the sort who were happy just sitting on the front porch , staring out to sea . I sighed . " My name 's Candace . Want some fish ? " I sat with the dragon until the sun went down , and when I started walking home he followed me like a puppy . My parents didn 't want him inside , so he stood guard outside my window all night . When I left for work he followed me again , snarling at the pigeons who stepped too close to me . " He 's NOT a lizard ! " I gasped . " That 's my dragon ! He 's going to be beautiful and enchanting when he 's grown . He 's just a baby , but he 's pretty close to mastering fire - breathing already . He can make sparks come out of his nose . " He was pretty dirty , to be fair - after all the fire - breathing practice his scales were caked in ash , and were more the color of rust than rubies . After Leilani was gone , I invited him inside for a bath , and that night I managed to sneak him into bed with me . He laid on my chest and purred until his body was glowing warm , his tail wrapped protectively around me . My ribs were bruised in the morning , but I laughed it off . After that he always came inside my house at night . I usually woke up with scratches or a bruise where my skin brushed his scales , but I felt so lucky to have a dragon live with me I didn 't mind . I invested in some turtle - necks with long sleeves and wore them all the time . At least once every day , he flew into the woods and came back with jewels in his mouth , or gold and silk draped over his claws as presents for me . He made me so rich I quit my stuffy office job and moved out of my parents ' house . We bought the island 's oldest stone cathedral and used it as our castle . We needed the space , anyway - as the weeks went on he grew too big to go through ordinary doors . He was looking more and more like a real dragon , and I was prouder than ever , even though he struggled still with flight and fire - breathing . He 'd roar in fury at himself if he smacked his head on the ceiling or stubbed his tail on the walls , and all night the runaway ashes from his snoring rained down on both of us . I 'd wake , choking , from nightmares of volcanoes to find my sheets ruined and my hair a dirty mess . " Do you have to smoke inside ? " I snapped one day , after spending three hours scouring soot from every surface to find by the time I 'd finished that the portion of the room I 'd started with was dirty all over again . His tail lashed the ground angrily , and the great walls shook so hard , the last of my good dinner plates shuddered out of their cupboard and smashed against the floor . I just sighed , and started sweeping . I never had friends over anymore ; I was too embarrassed of how dirty the castle was and full of broken things . You could see it in his eyes that he felt bad whenever he wrecked something , but it seemed like he just couldn 't help it - if he lost his temper long enough to stomp a foot , that was the end of another dish , if not a piece of furniture . On days when he was really , really , mad , he 'd roar like thunder till the stonework shook , stained glass windows cracked , and the bell in its tower would shudder out one roiling rejoinder after another . I was never afraid . I knew just what to do to calm him down - I would wait until his echoes in the walls were waning - that lilting moment just before there isn 't any sound - and I would sing to him soft ballads of glory and love . I knew what it was to care for a dragon , but no one else seemed to understand . When I went into town , I started to get the feeling people were feeling sorry for me , or like they thought I needed help . Leilani one day pulled me aside when she saw me in the market . " If things are getting difficult for you , don 't ask about staying with me - you know my door 's always open . " Leilani 's hand tightened around mine . " Quit playing stupid , Candace ! I 've heard him roaring at you through the night - raises hairs on the back of my neck . I get that you love him , but he 's a monster , and one of these days he 's gonna want to eat you . " " He 's not a real dragon , " Leilani muttered under her breath - but she saw that I heard the comment and raised her chin , speaking louder . " He 's a wild animal . If you don 't get away from him sooner or later you 're going to get hurt . " She eyed the edge of my turtleneck pointedly . I put a hand to my throat , and hurried off . The dragon had been living with me about a month when a bunch of my friends decided to have a party on one of the beaches beyond the woods . My dragon was too busy practicing his fire - breathing to notice that I left . I wasn 't worried - if he wanted to find me I was sure he 'd catch up . " Stop it ! " I cried , running out in front of Tommy . " He 's a friend ! " I could tell by the light of his eyes that my dragon was afraid , and trying to protect me . Maybe the big fire made him think about other dragons . He roared a column of smoke and sparks at the sky when I stood in front of Tommy and grabbed my hair with his foreclaws . He tried to lift me off the ground , but couldn 't get high enough to stop my legs dragging through the sand as he propelled himself back to the treeline . I lost one sandal , then another as my calves scraped through the dunes , then my toes were turning sideways over stems and oak - hard roots . My dragon beat his fevered way through trees and thorns and insect mounds , dragging me all the while . By the time we got to our castle , my clothes were ripped to shreds and every inch of skin was puffy with welts , or bleeding . Whole clumps of my hair were gone , ripped out at the roots , and my eyes were swollen shut . I couldn 't hide the bruises , even under five layers of makeup . For two weeks after that I was too embarrassed to show my face in town . My dragon caught mountains of fish with his tail and smoked them for my breakfast , lunch , and dinner . He made timid , sorry sounds each time our eyes met , and if I looked at him for longer than a second he 'd take off into the woods and come back with nicer treasures to lay at my feet . Still , when I allowed myself to be completely objective , I could admit it was my fault as much as his . If I 'd been more devoted , more courageous , I would have gone with him all those times he 'd practiced flying , and learned a long time ago how to ride him . Then I could have glided off serenely on his back that night , instead of all this mess . When my face had lost its puffiness and the bruises were all a faded yellow , I decided to face the village again . I was dying for a bite of anything other than fish , and when I tried on some of my new silks and jewels I felt pretty enough to hold my head high . I decided on a purple satin dress , golden slippers and a golden parasol for the excursion , and wove gemstones through my hair to hide the patches missing locks . Some of my wounds still showed through the makeup , but in the little umbrella 's shade I felt safe from judging eyes . " Candace , " she gasped , and put a hand on my shoulder . " Oh my God ! Did he do this to you ? Let me call animal control ! " " Leilani , " I spoke through gritted teeth . " I do NOT need animal control . I know exactly what I 'm doing . Just leave me alone . " " That wasn 't what it looked like , " I protested . " He was just trying to protect me - like what mother dragons do with their young . He was looking for a neck - flap to carry me . " " Look , just let me handle this , " I snapped . " I 'm a big girl . I 'll be fine . " I jerked away from her when she tried to argue her point , and went home without so much as a chocolate sprinkle . She would see . They would all see . Once he was a real dragon , they 'd regret giving up on him . He 'd learn how to control his fire , then , and how to fly higher than the highest trees . They 'd forget they ever felt sorry for me when they saw us riding together against the stars - me , the dragon 's true heart , the only one who 'd had the courage to love him while he was young and flawed . I would be his princess , and magic would forever keep us young . When I stormed into our castle , I grabbed one of my dragon 's headspikes and climbed onto his back . " Let 's fly ! " I said . " Fly me up to the sky , so no one can look down on us . " I wanted to go with my dragon on an adventure , to be there when he found my next treasure . He carried me into the yard and flapped his wings wildly ; his plates bruised the places between my legs something awful as he lifted us foot by foot into the air . It didn 't matter - those marks wouldn 't show . My dragon kept beating his wings , like he didn 't hear me - but I could tell by the way his tail was twitching that he was irritated . In a panic , I leaned sideways , and lost my balance - I rolled backwards along his iron spine and plunged head - first toward the earth , then lost my breath , " Ooph ! " as his tail caught me by the abdomen . My dragon snorted , severely disappointed in my clumsiness . He tried to lift his tail high enough for me to climb back onto him , but I couldn 't reach . He roared his displeasure at me , then abruptly tilted his wings , making us glide along the top layer of trees , over the beach and towards the ocean . He lowered his tail when the saltwater was sparkling beneath us . I barely had time to notice a squishy - looking sea - monster - something like a giant squid with a colossal pair of pillow lips - before his tail plunged me into the sea . The water was freezing as it hit , knocking the wind out of me again . And then I saw the wide - open lips of the squishy sea - monster coming at me in the dark , and I realized that my dragon was using me , to fish . The sea - monster 's lips closed over me , and a horrible sucking sensation pulled out the last of my oxygen along with the light of my consciousness . When I came to , it was because of a painful jarring and a rush of cold air - colder than the sea had been . The dragon had banged the sea - monster against a tree until her puckered lips went slack , and now she fell from me and lay limp in the sand . The dragon was so excited to fill his mouth with her that he didn 't notice me falling from his tail , dazed and also limp . I sat there a minute , shaking , staring at the creature I had nurtured so long . Now one thing after another that people had said about him filled my mind and wouldn 't go away . He was a monster . He was an animal . He was not a dragon . He was going to eat me . I stood , and started running - not into town , but around it , through the woods . I ran until I came to the base of the bluff , the great precipice piercing the wind . Then I kept running . I took a great , flying leap off the point of the bluff , with my arms spread out , and looked down to watch my fate crash into me . And then screamed . My human arms had sprouted flaps - scaly wings , with a bluish fuzz like feathers on the end . I wavered my arms , knowing the wind under me as it fought to push me aside . " But I can 't fly , " I gasped . " I 'm just a girl . " The sound was lost amid the crackling of a great blue plume of flame , more glorious than any I had seen as it scorched up sea - foam into cloud . It was a sweet and surreal moment , hanging there , reveling in fire I never knew I had . But the wind came at me and didn 't stop , pressing me back toward the bluff . I flapped against it for what felt like hours , until the wind shifted abruptly and I found myself borne three miles out to sea . I knew beyond a doubt now that nobody else could save me . That was hard to know , because I was so tired , and the shore so far . But I sighed , and struggled on - just a wingbeat at a time . What else could I do ? I was a dragon , now ; it was beneath my dignity to drown . Since I 've become strong in my dragonhood , I 've found that though it 's always hard work , it 's also always worth it . Whether it 's rescuing stupid princesses or eating significantly more stupid princes , diving after ocean stones or plucking stars from the night for my growing treasure horde , I do what the fuck I want . Dragons - real dragons - never have to hide , or quit , or lose , or die . And if we do , it 's always in an awesome way that people write songs about . I mean , we 're hot shit . Sometimes I go back to the island where I used to live , to visit Leilani and my old gang . Not much has changed there . The rusty lizard who used to live with me still smokes too much and can 't stay up for more than two minutes in the air . When I have to take a dump I fly low over the woods and look for his spark trails . He 's finally progressed to the point where he can get his flame to show outside his body ; it 's exactly as big as a tea - light . Go figure . My mother keeps telling me I should find a soulful king to keep me company , but I 've figured out that castles really aren 't my thing . One of these days I 'll start looking for a good underground lair , with - you know - lakes of molten silver , diamond stalagmites - the works ; but if I can 't find one of those I 'll settle for any bright - colored mountain and do what I can with filigree once I 've hollowed it out . Then if I find a nice spelunker maybe I 'll think about having a companion . Maybe . The truth is , I 'm not so sure I want to settle down . I live in the wind , and I 'm magic enough all by myself . I 'm a woman , you see - any drafts that may come won 't affect me , directly . I can suppose all I like that , in another life , if I were a male , I 'd register as a conscientious objector or just refuse to register out of pacifist principle . But I 'm not male and will never have to make that decision , so out of fairness I 've always stayed out of the discussion ( hypothetical as it must be in this age without active drafts ) . It 's never seemed like my place before to do more than nod soberly in support of all the offhand references to its unfairness that come my way . And before being directly asked today for my opinion , I had never considered the possibility that I had anything of value to add to the discussion . Those of my cohabitants who remember what it was to live through a draft may feel differently , but to me the compulsion for men to register for the military has seemed like one of those anti - sodomy blue laws - obviously wrong , but for the most part inactive and sailing uncontested into history like a nightmare unremarkably outgrown . Of course , like the anti - sodomy blue laws , this too is an active , if a quiet , injustice . I hadn 't realized it before being specifically asked to participate in the discussion and realizing that it is one I have avoided . No policy is inactive that you hesitate to discuss , for any reason . This is a shock to me - to realize that I 've been self - segregated from one of the most important sociological discussions of our times , because of my gender . Because of my gender , and what the government has to say about it . Now my mind is clawing through the conversations I haven 't had , through the points of my pacifist expression that have been diluted and tempered through this lens . It 's been a personal impulse , part - guilt , and part - humility that has kept from speaking more vocally against the cogs of war . That doesn 't change the fact that I have done exactly what the patrician systems of governance have intended me to do all along , in keeping my mouth shut and leaving the war - talk mainly to men . We could rely , unethically but efficiently , on exclusive mercenaries to power our armies . We do not . We could compel half the able - bodied youth in our nation to serve as soldiers . We do not . We have a system that uses some of us , and the effect ( if not the intent ) is to keep those of us who are not risking and giving our all , all but silent on the sidelines . We have a war - machine that is compulsory in theory , voluntary in practice , and compulsory again in public review .
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This conversation occurred about two weeks ago on OKCupid , but it 's so ridiculous , I had to share it here . I 'm not printing the guy 's username NOT because I think he deserves privacy , but because I don 't want him to think he 's really popular when a bunch of people go to look at his profile after reading this conversation . Guy : Hey : ) Guy : you 're really cute Me : Excellet way to begin a conversation . Me : * Excellent Guy : lol thanks i try to make a good first impression : ) Guy : so what are you up to ? Me : Trying to fix a computer . Guy : oo thats the best Me : No , it is not . When you pay $ 400 to have a computer fixed , having to then fix it yourself is actually not usually considered " the best . " Guy : lol well yeah Guy : i was attempting sarcasm Guy : i guess it doesn 't translate well when your typing Me : Yes , I noticed that earlier . While stuck at work till 7 : 15 pm , * I 've had some thinking time . I hate being a woman . But I don 't . I guess that doesn 't make sense , at least on a surface level . What I guess makes sense is that I hate being a woman in context . I hate that being a woman in the context of the place and time in which I live , means that I 'm less than a person . My very anatomy means that many men feel completely entitled to do whatever they want to me , say whatever they want to me . It 's assumed that I 'm weak , a little stupid , obsessed with my looks , overly emotional , and totally baby - and boy - crazy . I don 't have the full autonomy and authority of a human being because I 'm not a human being : I 'm a woman . I don 't hate being a woman in terms of the things that make me a woman : in my case , my body and genitalia . I 'm fine with those things . In fact , the only times when I hate those things are when I hate being a woman in context , in the context where fat is evil and women have no hair except on their heads and MAYBE a landing strip , and where even my toes have to be " sexy . " But actually being a woman ? I don 't mind menstruating . I have a strange desire to see my own cervix ( as yet unfulfilled , nooo ! ) . I only dislike my breasts when I 'm trying to exercise and they are nothing but in the way . If you take the gender out of being female , I don 't really think it 's even remotely crappy ; I like it . So I hate being a woman , but I don 't . And if you 're confused , or you have some sort of problem with this , then whatever , because I don 't . And if you don 't think that I should hate being a woman at all , then maybe you need some feminist eye - glasses or something because DAMN , it 's not a nice world out there for people born without large enough penises . * I 'm at work because I thought I could let my particles sit in dye for more than an hour . The result was that the suspension was purple , not pink , and that the particles wouldn 't centrifuge down ( I 'd like to think that they melted or something ) . So I had to do it again . It involves several 10 - 15 minute centrifugaPosted by Boston Globe : Women line up to support CoakleyWhy is it stupid ? Article is about : specific politically powerful women who are supporting Martha Coakley ; that these women don 't just want to see a female MA senator , but that they actually support her political positions ; how complex it is when women run for office ( I would add , when women run for office in a sexist government system ZING - - otherwise , it wouldn 't matter that Coakley is a woman , duh ) . What the link text implies : that women are voting for Coakley because they 're women and she 's a woman , and we 're so excited to have a female candidate , we 're obviously going to vote for her ( because only men voted for Obama in the Democratic Primary , and Sarah Palin enabled McCain to win the presidency in a landslide victory ) . All this bullshit aside , I 'll be voting for Martha Coakley because I think she 's an impressive candidate , because her support for victim 's rights is absolutely necessary in the senate , and because she 's a woman . That 's right . If I didn 't agree with her positions , I wouldn 't vote for her . But between her and a man with similar political stances , I 'd pick her all the way . Why would I do something so " reverse sexist ? " Well , check out this little blurb from Wikipedia ! There have been 37 women in the United States Senate since the establishment of that body in 1789 . Women were first elected in number in 1992 . Today , 17 of the 100 U . S . Senators are women . Thirteen of the women who have served were appointed ; seven of those were appointed to succeed their deceased husbands . Wow . Women are super - well represented ! I mean , since only 17 % of the population is female , it makes sense that only 17 % of the senate is , too . Isn 't it funny that there have been fewer female senators than seats available in the senate ? So if you had every single female senator throughout history sitting on the senate now , the senate would be 37 % female . Oh , and look how many were elected ! And how many succeeded dead husbands ! So if there 's a qualified female candidate , I 'm voting for her . AnPosted by It 's not exactly a secret that Roman Polanski was arrested on a 32 - year - old rape charge this past week . It 's also not exactly a secret that he 's guilty , or that he was convicted . People are blogging / editorialing / etc - ing their brains out , the results ranging from " He 's Roman Polanski ! An ARTIST ! " to " Um , he raped someone ; why didn 't he serve a sentence ? ! " Needless to say , I 'm on the latter end of the spectrum . If you 're going to argue that Polanski wasn 't guilty , or that he didn 't know what he was doing , or that since the survivor just wants everything over so she can live her life so we should let the dude , go , or anything like that , this ain 't the place for you ( and how the hell did you even find this blog anyway ? ) . So much that I agree with and believe has already been said . However , there was one point that I think needs to be said again , one that I 've recently discussed with friends . If you 've experienced personal tragedies , you do not get a free pass to do whatever the fuck you want . I 'm well aware of Polanski 's personal tragedies ( I do not count " exile " to France to be a tragedy ; comprehensive health care AND French food ? ! And no jail time ? ! Not exile ) . He survived the Krakow ghetto , and his parents were put in concentrations camps . That 's awful . The Holocaust ? It sucked . And I 'm not saying that because I 'm trying to minimize it ( helLO , I 'm JEWISH ) , but because I could go on and on about how it was an atrocity , but you 'll get bored because you already know . His wife and unborn child were murdered by Charles Manson 's crew . I 'm familiar with the case because of my morbid fascination with murder cases . It was awful . But these tragedies do not give you a free pass to rape someone . What , does his victim now have permission to murder someone ? Does that mean that anything Polanski does that 's unlawful shall be excused because man , his life totally sucked ? Does he get a freebie to destroy someone 's life because , well , he made some awesome movies ? PLEASE , people . Think of the absurdity here . While it 's completely okay to strPosted by I do . Last night , I dreamt that I was back at Tufts for another semester . I had moved in with two other girls ; one of them didn 't really want to socialize with anyone , and the other one was really nasty . Magically , though I then had to move because of a housing mistake , and then I was living with two attractive guys . Interesting . When I told my mean roommate that I had moved out , I did a terrible job of explaining that it was a ResLife decision ; instead , it sounded like I had gotten the hell out of there because I hated her . So she was mad . But I didn 't have time to deal with that ! Nor did I have time to flirt with my new housemates . I had a philosophy class ! That met 5 times a week ! And was taught by the guy who played the Devil on Reaper ! But I didn 't know where the class was being held , nor did I have the books ! So I went to the bookstore and got a 3 subject notebook ! I couldn 't get the books because I didn 't know the title of the class , or the class number . So I ran downstairs to find a computer , and a bunch of my friends were there ! And I asked to borrow a laptop ! But I was already 30 minutes late for class and thinking that maybe I just shouldn 't go ! I should not be allowed to dream . SO HUNGRY OH MY GOD . Loki 's in a fantastic mood today . Which just makes things more annoying . I haven 't eaten since 4 pm ( we 're breaking the fast at 5 , at least ) . I almost threw up last night ; I 'll try not to make the mistake of taking meds on an empty stomach again . Uuuuugh . At 6 am this morning , I awoke to a very distressed bird who had , as he does quite rarely , fallen while he was asleep . So I could hear him falling down and flapping furiously , trying to get back on a perch , but obviously very , very scared . By the time I got to the cage , with no glasses on in a dark room , I then couldn 't find him . I couldn 't even find his swing , which was weird ( yes , I eventually found it ; it was just farther back in the cage than I 'd expected while blind ) . I finally found Loki sitting , soaking wet , in his water dish . After he calmed down , I went back to sleep for a little longer before getting up for work . And I totally dreamt that I was still living in Carlisle , and that we had Lady , Kiwi , and Loki , except we had two Kiwis and two Lokis and Lady was not amused . I was thinking more about entitlement this morning while I was on the train , specifically about why it 's so prevalent in hetero - dating , and why some guys take rejection so badly ( KB , not referring to you ; more referring to some of the guys that KJ has tried to reject ) . In our culture , men are at the top ( white , straight , cis , upper - middle - class men especially , but when we 're men and women , men rule ) . Men are promoted more often , get jobs more often , get higher pay . If there are more men than women at a college , it 's normal , but more women than men is a crisis . Men aren 't expected to do as much cooking , cleaning , laundry , or child - rearing as women are , and when men do participate in such traditionally female housework and don 't completely fuck up , they 're praised beyond measure . Men can have a family and a career , while women are made to feel as if they have to pick one . And then there 's male entitlement to women . But now , men aren 't in charge . In fact , no one 's really in charge ; it 's not as if there 's a boss trying to decide who to promote , the guy or the girl . In hetero - dating , there 's no boss . Either you both want to date , or you don 't date . And while there are a ton of different social expectations and pressures that might shift the balance of power out of balance ( for example , the socialized fear that many women have of being single ) , in the end , women have a lot of autonomy . If we aren 't interested in going out with you , sleeping with you , or being in a relationship with you , then none of those things is going to happen , no matter how much you believe that you are entitled to any of those things . Once again , I 'm talking about mainstream hetero - dating and my experiences with it . I 'm not even going to go near same - sex dating , not because I don 't think it 's worth writing about , or because I think it 's less than hetero - dating , or even because I don 't think my readers would be interested . It 's just that I 've gotten some experience hetero - dating , most of my friends hetero - date , and I 've never , ever same - sex dated . SoPosted by I finished pretty much all the work I 've had to do today . Obviously . I have two friends who also use the same online dating site , and I keep mentioning them both in my posts . I figure I should give them nicknames . So , my male friend shall be now known as KosherBeef , and my female friend , of ihateokstupid . wordpress . com fame , shall be known as KeyboardJockey . I 'll be abbreviating them KB and KJ . So , there 's that . I was talking with KB earlier today about deal - breakers , and then about things in people 's profiles that were not deal - breakers , but that were such serious indications that this wasn 't someone we wanted to date that we didn 't stay at their profile much longer . While talking about deal - breakers , we discussed the ways in which deal - breakers are different from person to person , and the difference between a deal - breaker and a red flag . For example , drug use is a deal - breaker for both of us , as is a long - distance relationship , or someone who does not have a college degree ( isn 't working one either , and has no intention of ever getting one ) . For him , dating older women isn 't a deal - breaker , while for me , 4 - 5 years older is the most I 'll do for now ( if you 're a 30 - year - old guy , why the fuck do you want to date a 23 - year - old ? What are we going to have in common ? ) . Smoking is a deal - breaker for me , while KB said he 'd date a girl who was trying to quit . ( Correction , 9 / 25 : " And you left out an important part in the post about deal - breakers . . . I said I 'd date someone who 's trying to quit as long as she isn 't smoking by the time I kiss her . " ) It 's interesting . What bothers me is when a guy will try to convince me that my deal - breaker isn 't fair to him . You know , because what I want doesn 't matter . Or I have no idea what I want . Or he 's perfect for me , and my silly little shallow , unfounded deal - breakers are getting in the way of true love . But do you really think I haven 't thought about my deal - breakers ? Am I not allowed to be able to say " no thanks " when I 'm not interested ? Can I help that , oh , being 45 makes you less attrPosted by There 's very little for me to do today at work , so whatever , here are some more thoughts on online dating . 1 . It 's actually not a compliment when you comment on my appearance . But who doesn 't like a compliment ? Well , I like compliments , but having a guy tell me I 'm cute isn 't always one . Do I like being told that I look nice ? It depends on the situation . And I can tell you right now that if the situation is that a guy IMs me on the dating site and mentions that he thinks I 'm cute , then it 's not a compliment . I 'm actually not very insecure about my looks . I find that the pressure to be thin has much more bearing on my life than any other look - based pressure . Is it because I 'm pretty , or is it because I 'm not that pretty , but I 'm also not that insecure ? I mean , I have nice hair that 's a nice color . I 've got nice eyes and I know how to use eyeliner . I 've got straight teeth that are white enough considering that I 'm not a celebrity . My skin , except for this summer - - what the hell ? ! - - is normally very clear . I used to be really insecure about body hair before realizing that I don 't care . Weight is only a problem because it 's a problem for everyone else , I 've found . So , when someone says I 'm pretty or cute , my first thought is , " Yes , I know . Who the fuck cares ? " I mean , it 's a given that you think I 'm moderately attractive because I don 't think I 've ever messaged a guy that I didn 't think was moderately attractive . Once when I was struggling to write a first message to a guy , a friend pointed out that I shouldn 't say , " I hope to hear back from you " because , well , of COURSE I hope to hear back from him , or I wouldn 't message him in the first place . So , first off , if you tell me that I 'm cute , that tells me that you 're not that bright ; you 've just told me something that is already obvious . Secondly , I hate that I 'm supposed to take this as a huge compliment . Since the media is constantly telling women and girls that we 're just never good enough , we 're supposed to get really excited when a guy says , " You 're passing excellently . " Posted by I 'm currently reading the book Freakonomics , and I 'm almost finished with it . So far , I love it , but my love for it is conflicted . 1 ) There is an error regarding statistics about sexual violence , and the way those statistics are briefly discussed is highly problematic . By making the generalization that women 's health advocates lie about how many women are assaulted , Levitt is undermining the credibility of women 's health advocates and the anti - violence movement . Additionally , he 's using the right number with the wrong description . He says that the proclaimed statistic is that 1 in 3 women is the victim of rape or attempted rape . The real 1 in 3 statistic is much broader , indicating the number of women who will experience an escalated form of sexual violence ( which includes rape and attempted rape , but also completed and attempted sexual assault , child abuse , and relationship abuse of all kinds ) . I 'm not making the claim that Levitt is a jerk , or that no women 's health advocate has ever lied before . But in a culture and society where violence against women is condoned , where rape myths run rampant , and where victims are further victimized for speaking out , he should have been much more sensitive about that material . No excuse for that . 2 ) In examining parenting , Levitt is really examining the intersections of race and parenting . And while I find it fascinating , and I also want to see the race gap made non - existent , I 'm uncomfortable with the general detachment I get from the writing . I need to have some other race conscious people read this book and see if they have similar feelings . I 'm just thoroughly uncomfortable reading a white guy talk about race . I also hate that the adjectives " black , " " white , " " Hispanic , " etc . are used improperly as nouns . We 're not blacks , whites , or Hispanics ( I use Latin @ , but I didn 't write this book ) , just like we 're not gays or straights . We 're PEOPLE . Black PEOPLE , white PEOPLE , etc . Again , the authorial intent is probably benign . But this language perpetuates the idea that we are our Posted by I date . I use an online dating site . I 've had eh success with it . I do not believe that people should or shouldn 't date / use online dating sites , nor do I think that there 's something wrong with anyone who is looking for a significant other or a fun night . That said , the dating environment has some huge , huge issues , ones that I 'm not going to let go . " If you have a problem with it , then don 't date ! " you might say , or think . Or , how about this : if there are widespread issues with dating , how about we FIX them , yes ? And one thing I 'd like to fix , just about right now , is entitlement . This post isn 't meant to be a ridiculously comprehensive textbook on entitlement in dating , to be taught in sociology and women 's studies classes ' round the globe . Instead , it 's meant to briefly - ish discuss the lived experiences of myself and a friend of mine , both of us single , feminist women in our early twenties . My friend blogs about her experiences with online dating on her website , ihateokstupid . wordpress . com ; I highly recommend it . So , what 's entitlement ? If a woman believes a guy should pay for a date because she agreed to go out with him , that 's entitlement . If a guy demands that a woman explain her ethnicity during the first few moments of a conversation ( you don 't think that happens ? Read my friend 's blog ) , that 's entitlement . From what I 've learned , male entitlement occurs far more frequently than female entitlement . It seems to stem from the myth of the Nice Guy and the Desperately Insecure Single Woman . The Nice Guy feels entitled to your attention . Why ? Because he 's a NICE GUY . He paid for this dinner ! He didn 't tell you that you were ugly ! He was super duper sweet and perfect ! So why is your clothing still on ? ! The Desperately Insecure Single Woman is , as you might expect , not only desperately insecure about herself , but acutely aware of her unacceptably single status . She must find a man ( not a woman , obviously ) ! So , if that guy over there messages you , you have to get excited . I mean , a guy is paying attention to you ! And iPosted by One occurrence is just that : a one time deal . In order to be sure of something , such as the results of an experiment , the results must be reproducible . For example , being able to fit into my capri pants ? The first time , it was a one time deal . The second time , it looked a bit more like the first time wasn 't a fluke . After washing them , sticking them in the dryer for too long , and then still having them fit , it seemed more likely than not that I had lost enough volume in my ass and thighs to fit into them for reals . And now , running . Two weeks ago , when I got to the gym , there were too many people doing circuits , so the trainer had me go on the treadmill first . MISTAKE . I ended up feeling energized enough to run , not walk , and by the time the trainer came by 10ish minutes later , I was past half a mile and wanted to see how far I could run . * I ended up running for 20 minutes and going about 1 . 3 miles ( needless to say , I got my ass kicked more than usual during circuits afterwards ) . Then , last week , I went for a treadmill run after circuits , mostly because I felt guilty about driving to and from the train station earlier ( normally I walk the mile there and some of the mile back ) . I ended up only being able to run for about 3 / 4ths of a mile , but it was because when I stopped for some water , I got a massive cramp in my side . Last night , I went for my victory lap ( which is that I call any run that I do because of an occasion , such as a holiday , birthday , or last day of classes ) . I ended up going for 20 minutes , 1 . 3 miles again . So , we 'll have to see if I can keep this up . In other news , my car is at the shop , and I have no idea when it 'll be back . I trust the Auto Body , so I 'm not worried about the car getting fixed to perfection . But I had to cancel the gym for tonight because I have no way of getting home ( if I , say , run the 1 . 3 miles to the gym , that 's fine , but I 'm not going to be able to run home after , and I 'm not walking for 45 minutes through a bad neighborhood at 8 pm ) . This makes me sad because I just started tracPosted by I was in a car accident today . A few things to get out of the way : 1 ) I am fine . There were no ( human ) injuries in the accident . My neck hurts but it 's been hurting me all day and was not worsened by the accident . 2 ) I am not at fault for the accident . 3 ) A cop was called to the scene , and there were several witnesses ; I have all the necessary information to get my car fixed at no cost to me , with no increased premiums . 4 ) My car can be driven just fine . So , what happened ? I went up to Reading to visit my flute teacher , and on the way back , I decided to stop at the grocery store ( Market Basket , because it 's cheap ! ) . After I finished , I put my groceries in my car and then got ready to back out of the spot . The person in the spot across the aisle from me , though , was also backing out to leave , so I let them go first . I knew they were leaving because I was looking behind me while trying to back out , and I saw their whites were on . Before I could back out , another car pulled in . I began to pull out , but the car that had just pulled in was then straightening out . After they had pulled out and back in twice , I thought they were done ; their whites weren 't on . So I backed out . Just as I was putting my car into drive , I realized that the car was REVERSING . AGAIN . INTO ME . So I beeped as quickly as I could , since there wasn 't enough time for me to get out of the way . They did not seem to notice . They hit my driver 's side rear door . I then parked and opened my door to get out as they pulled back into the space . THEN THEY BEGAN TO BACK OUT AGAIN , while I had my door open ! People yelled , though , and the driver realized that I was there . Out of the car came three very annoyed women . The asked , " What , did you hit us ? " I explained , " I had been waiting for you to back out , and I thought you were done , so I backed out . " I pointed to my vacated space . " Obviously I wasn 't done ! " said the driver . She pointed to her car . " I was still straightening out ! " " Were you looking behind you ? " I asked , trying to stay calm / not cry about the massive damage tPosted by It bothers me to write about this case . I think that Annie 's family , fiance , and friends probably just want this nightmare to end . So I feel like , by writing about the case , I 'm doing a disservice to Annie and her family . But the case has been bothering me . When I first shared the case with a friend , she seemed surprised at the amount of publicity , especially considering that Annie had been missing for only a couple days at that point . Finally , she asked the question I knew what bothering her : was Annie white ? Missing white woman syndrome refers to the obscene amount of press coverage devoted to missing white women ( more coverage for blond , attractive , not - shit - stirring ones ) . People disappear all the time , unfortunately , but you don 't always hear about them . You 're more likely to , however , if it 's a white woman who 's gone missing . Was Annie white ? Well , she was light - skinned , but she was of Asian , not Caucasian descent . My friend and I found this puzzling . If she 's not white , what does this mean ? Does this mean that MWWS actually refers to skin color and not ethnicity ( color being actual color , and ethnicity being , say , Caucasian , African , Asian , etc . ) ? Or is there something else about her ? Is it because her wedding was coming up ? Because she went to an elite , Ivy League graduate school ? I 'm not sure what her fiance 's ethnicity is , but based on his last name , he is probably white ; is that why ? Does it have anything to do with the myth of vulnerability of Asian women ? I 'm not trying to suggest that we shouldn 't be concerned with missing women , white or not . But in a culture where missing white women get all the coverage , my friend and I were confused . However , we were glad that people were looking for her . No missing person should be forgotten solely based on race . Thanks to my intersecting identities as sexual assault survivor / scholar and total forensics / true crime documentary junkie , I made some predictions to another friend of mine regarding the case . I understand that the thought of me making predictions seems insPosted by Headline on my Yahoo ! homepage : " Prosecutor : Anti - abortion sign angered gunman . " What the headline says to me : Some guy was SO PISSED about someone protesting against abortion that he SHOT them ! Man , those pro - choicers are VIOLENT ! What actually happened : It 's not clear why the gunman shot the anti - abortion activist , although from one student 's quotation ( that he could understand someone spitting on or punching the victim , but not shooting him ) , it appears that the gunman might have thought it was inappropriate to demonstrate with a poster of a dead fetus outside of a school . But it 's not really clear . In fact , I don 't really think that that 's what caused murder . And considering that this same guy then went and murdered another person , someone NOT involved in protesting abortion ( interesting ) . Oh , and he was going to murder someone else , but then he got arrested . I don 't consider it very good journalism to report that this case is another example of someone being killed over the abortion issue . I think it 's an example of a very violent , angry , dangerous person murdering people because he felt that it was okay for him to kill whomever he wanted . That 's not the same thing . GOOD JOB . It keeps going . It 's been a couple hours since Twitter realized that there was some shit going down with the trending topics and took down the Supernatural related ones . However , it 's still going ( # supernatural and # inkripkewetrust are still trending ) . And in more ways than one . A good friend of mine tweeted the following earlier in the day : " Lol at idiots trending # godishere . # Luciferiscoming is about a show . Morons . And God isn 't anywhere BC he doesn 't exist . " She got a response just now , hours after her tweet ; she RTed it with her own comment : " LOLOLOL IS THIS WHAT GOD ' S LOVE IS ? RT @ incrediblebaby : @ ( myfriend ) you should kill ya ' self for saying God doesnt exist . jus pittiful . " This isn 't just some difference of opinion . Like I said in my previous post , this is a silencing technique . In case you disagree , let 's examine each tweet . My friend was laughing at all the people trending # godishere because the vast majority of them were reacting to the hashtag # luciferiscoming without actually understanding the meaning behind the hashtag . In much the same way that some Christians considered it their duty to vote for Kris Allen on American Idol even though they 'd never seen the show , many considered it their duty to knock down the # luciferiscoming hashtag . Considering that the # luciferiscoming hashtag is inherently secular due to the fact that it 's referencing a television show , I find it inappropriate to have it bombarded by religious opposition . In a culture where atheism and secularism are constantly attacked as " against American values , " I don 't see the # luciferiscoming hashtag as offensive or oppressive ; instead , I find the # godishere hashtag to be those things , in an effort to silence everyone else . As for my friend 's opinion that God isn 't here because he does not exist , that 's her opinion and one that she 's more than entitled to . Believing in a god is a matter of personal opinion . There is no evidence proving or disproving such entities , and so it is not appropriate to claim that a person is wrong for believing or not bPosted by Oh man , there 's some hashtag drama going on at Twitter right now . Warning : Spoilers for the TV show Supernatural . Tonight is the 5th ( and , I think it 's been confirmed , final ) season of the CW drama Supernatural . The show stars Jensen Ackles and Jared Padelecki as Dean and Sam Winchester , two young men who are raised as hunters of supernatural beings by their father , who was devastated by the death of their mother , murdered by . . . a supernatural being . The show is essentially a route 66 road trip horror movie , except it 's a story , not just , " Okay , let 's do all these gruesome stunts and come up with a story ! " While the violence isn 't minimal in any way , the gore certainly is ; much like older suspense movies , Supernatural relies on your imagination to create violent images . Otherwise , I 'd have a lot of trouble watching the show ( I 'm NOT a fan of any kind of horror or violence or anything ) . In last season 's plot arc , Dean and Sam were trying to prevent the Apocalypse ( I know , I know ) . Survey says ? Sam was actually tricked into bringing it about . OOPS . Last we saw the brothers , they were sort of freaking out because , uh , Lucifer was on his way up . Today , in honor of the show 's season premiere , two of the top trending topics at Twitter ( aaah , alliteration ! ) are # supernatural and # luciferiscoming . I saw the latter before I saw the former , and it was plainly obvious to me what it was referring to . My friends who are not family with the show also knew , although it required a bit of digging . So , where 's the drama ? Apparently , a lot of at least moderately devout Christians on Twitter did not get the memo . # Godishere ( with the capitalization ) is also a top trending topic . I checked it out , and while there were a few joke responses to the hashtag ( # Godishere so look busy ! ) , most were either condescending messages about how Supernatural promotes Satanism , moans and groans about how # Godishere and yet we still have horrible , blasphemous shows like Supernatural , or just the hashtag repeated over and over and over . What bothers me abouPosted by I 'm ridiculously pro - choice . I have plenty of friends and acquaintances who are also ridiculously pro - choice , as well as many who are conservatively pro - choice and some who are anti - choice . I 'm not going to spend time here arguing about what " side " is the " right " one . I 've been thinking a lot lately about parenthood , probably because I 've been thinking about adulthood in general . A lot of people in my age group ( early 20s ) have already gotten married ; I 've had several confusing moments on Facebook where either I 'll see a friend name I don 't recognize and find out that it 's a female acquaintance who changed her last name when she got married , or I 'll see that a male acquaintance has gotten married and his new wife has changed her last name . Some people have kids already . Meanwhile , I 'm beginning my career . I 'm not trying to set this up as me choosing between family and career . I 'm just realizing now that my next boyfriend might turn into my domestic partner / husband , that my next degree probably will turn into my specific career , and so on and so forth . So , yeah , adulthood . I recall that when I was younger , I figured I would want kids when I was older . When I hit my late teens , I was sure that wanting kids was something that would eventually happen . And hey , I like kids . Teaching is a fun job . I 'm good at classroom management . I like spending ( limited amounts of ) time with my little cousins . But can I imagine kids 24 / 7 ? I doubt it . Even more than that , I can 't imagine dealing with an infant . It 's bad enough when I don 't know what Loki wants , and if he 's annoying me , I can stick him in his cage . Plus , he 's technically an adult . I used to think that if I got pregnant unintentionally , but I could afford to support a child , I 'd go through with the pregnancy . Now , I think not so much . I 've grown up thinking that you need " good " reasons to abort a pregnancy , like lack of finances , or the general " not a good time in my life " that I figured I 'd use during school . But now I 'm starting to realize that when you don 't really want kPosted by On Boston . com , there is a section of the site called BoMoms , or sometimes just Moms . The section is devoted to resources for parents and ( female - blogged ) parenting advice . Obviously , this can 't be called the Parent section . This is the MOMMY section . Becaue only moms are parents . Waiting in a metered parking space in the train station lot so that the person you 're dropping off can sit and relax in the car before the train arrives / while you 're waiting to pick someone up in the morning ( maybe ) . Some of us , when we drive to the station , are trying to park our cars so we can go to work . Just drop the person off and leave ( normally , it 's not raining / too hot / too cold while these people sit there , waiting ) . And if you 're picking someone up , pull over behind already - parked cars . Because it 's RUDE to take up a metered space when you 're waiting . . . when someone else needs to park there before the train comes . Highlights of the first day of the best month : - realizing that my birthday is three weeks from today - finally thinking of a birthday present to ask for * , and then buying it myself ( purse ; got it at Payless ) - forgetting to buy Lysol for the tissue culture water bath ( crap ! ) - surprising my supervisor by actually getting things done without her realizing ( bwahaha ) - not being able to access Gmail and frightening myself by how much I rely on it - clearing out completely my entire Tufts student email account ( sad ! ) - finding some stuff I 'd sent to Rob while performing the above action ( yes , I still had " sent " emails from 2007 ) - meeting the really nice new member of the lab ! - working at the institute for three months - running 0 . 7 miles on the treadmill ( 0 . 6 solid ) after an intense working without having my calves go crazy - almost puking during my work out and run because I ate too soon beforehand - dunking Loki in the tub ( not to scare him , but he 's like a cat when it comes to baths , and this is the only way I can get him to - - accidentally - - take one ) . - finished the rainbow cake ! - was asked to cross - post " Language " at DeeplyProblematic ( seriously , this was the highlight of my day , above the 0 . 6 miles ) Not bad for the first day of the best month . * Recently , I 've begun to sit and think of exactly what I want for gift - giving occasions ; I don 't like to ask for anything I don 't need , or that I want , but won 't really use . I think last year , I asked for a gift certificate to Whole Foods , TheraBands for my shoulder , a flash drive , and a 4th gen iPod Nano , which I explicitly stated was the last thing on the list , since I already owned two iPods . This year , I 've considered asking for a toaster oven , a George Foreman / - esque grill , a new mattress , or a massage appointment , all of which I 've decided are not things I want . I realized on the way home that the pleather straps on my ( free with $ 75 purchase ) Frederick 's of Hollywood tote were actually going to break off soon - - one in particular is hanging on by some threads . The purse isn 't usePosted by I 've always had an online journal , one in which I detail intimate thoughts and ideas , and which I don 't share with the public . I also have written for feminist blogs ( which are awesome ) . So this blog is a mixture of everything . Sometimes there 's progressive insight , sometimes there 's TMI , and sometimes I 've just put down some random - ish thoughts . Enjoy .
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THE HERO ' S HOMECOMINGOwen Loughman is a highly - decorated Navy SEAL who has a thirst for action . But there 's one thing he hasn 't been able to forget - his high school sweetheart , Natalie . After over a decade away , Owen is returned home to the ranch in Texas for a dangerous new mission that puts him face - to - face with Natalie and an outside menace that threatens everything he holds dear . He 'll risk it all to keep Natalie safe - and win her heart . . . . Natalie Dixon has had a lifetime of heartache since Owen was deployed . Fourteen years and one bad marriage later , she finds herself mixed up with the Loughman 's again . With her life on the line against an enemy she can 't fight alone , it 's Owen 's strong shoulders , smoldering eyes , and sensuous smile that she turns to . When danger closes in , she holds close to the only man she 's ever loved … The first of a new series by Donna Grant . Three brothers in the military who have been disconnected from their father for years . Suddenly they are all brought home when their father disappears with secrets and their aunt and uncle are murdered on the family ranch . Suddenly they are caught up trying to find their dad and uncover secrets and learning more about each other than they knew . Owen and Natalie were meant to be when they were kids then Owen graduated and headed into the Navy . Natalie eventually tried to move on but was never very successful . She swore off men but now Owen is back . Now they are thrown together to figure out what 's going on with Owen 's dad . Action packed this series starts off at a fast pace . We get introduced to everyone in this book and find out about Owen and Natalie and get a little of the other characters stories . Owen and Natalie are forced to work together and of course exam their feeling for each other along the way . I really liked the characters in this book and was excited to see where all the relationship would go . It started fast and exciting and was good most of the time although it did drag for me a few times . A good start to a new series . The heart of the story goes on from book to book but each book will have a brother and his significant other . Excited to see where the next book takes me ! Running a billion - dollar hedge fund doesn 't leave a lot of time for fun in the sun , but that doesn 't bother James Brannigan . After spending his youth helping his widowed father raise six younger brothers , James took a cue from his workaholic dad and channeled all his energy into business . So when he learns that his father left him a tiny winery on the Amalfi Coast , he 's not thrilled . A trip to Italy is the last thing his busy schedule needs , but the winery has to go . Which means … he has to go to the winery . Kyra Summers is the definition of a free - spirit . In her thirty years on earth , she 's never stayed in one place long enough to put down roots until she arrived in Positano and fell hard for the bold flavors , hot sun , warm people , and above all , the wonderful wine . Her job at a small , local winery is her first attempt to make a real home and the people who run the place start to become like family to her . Until the winery 's new owner , a devastatingly handsome , shockingly ruthless billionaire , arrives with plans to shut it all down . Kyra 's willing to do whatever it takes to save this place she loves - even if it means cozying up to a man who 's harder than granite and twice as cold . But the Italian sunshine has a way of heating things up - with every fiery exchange , they strike sparks and draw irresistibly closer together . James is stunned by his attraction to a woman unlike any he 's met before , and Kyra discovers a simmering passion hidden behind his polished exterior . But passion won 't be enough to change James 's mind and his priorities , which is exactly why his late father sent him to Italy . Changing James is going to take a much bigger risk - it 's going to take love . Book 6 of 7 about a group of brothers . James being the oldest is the most responsible . He follows in his dads footsteps as that 's what he 's always done . He took up for his mom when she passed away in a car accident when he and his brothers were just kids . He filled the gap as best he could and raised his younger brothers . Hi father passed away now too each of the boys received a inheritance of a sort . A envelope with something their father gave specifically to them . James gets a winery in Italy . When he goes there he gets knocked off his axis and everything he thought he knew when he finds himself with bubbly and spirited Kyra Summers . It 's fun to watch James once ordered life fall to pieces and become something else . Something better even if he doesn 't realize it . Both James and Kyra have things in common and some of those are not so good . There 's something going on behind the romance if your not paying attention you might miss it like James did . Then it all comes crashing down on James and Kyra . A excellent read that can be read as a stand alone in the series . Find out more about this series and Roxanne St Claire here www . roxannestclaire . com For years , Nessa has been focused on work . She keeps the whiskey - and the money - flowing , and life is sweet . Sure , she 's tired of being everyone 's baby sister , and she longs for a man who can stand up to her overprotective O ' Kane brothers . But she never thought she 'd meet him in the middle of a war . War is all Ryder knows . He was raised with one goal : to ensure the sectors ' successful rebellion against Eden . His father and his mentor both died for freedom , and nothing will stop him from securing their legacies with victory . He doesn 't have time for distractions - especially beautiful , impulsive ones like Nessa . Opposites don 't just attract , they combust . Together , Nessa and Ryder have a chance for something more than the lives they 've always known . But this is war - deadly , bloody war - and the only way to happily - ever - after is straight through Eden . The final book in the bestselling , award - winning series . . . She 's the heart of O ' Kane liquor . He 's the brains of the revolution . They 're facing a war that could end their world . Again . On December 13th , the Beyond series comes to its climactic conclusion with Nessa and Ryder 's story - - and the final battle between the sectors and Eden . Nessa and Ryder finally get their story . Nessa has been around for the entire Beyond series but she 's always kind of hung out in the background but no more . She 's the brains behind O ' Kane liquor . Always protected by all the O ' Kane 's . A little sister to every guy in gang until Ryder shows up . Ryder does not look at her like a brother . Oh no . Ryder is all about war . It 's was he was taught since he was a kid . Now it 's time for that war he 's been preparing for when the battle between the sectors and Eden heats up and things get deadly . This is a wrap up to the Beyond series . War has been inevitable since the beginning of the series and Kit Rocha has slowly been bring us to that while telling us stories about many of the O ' Kane 's . Ryder is this amazing guy who seems to be able to do anything but finding Nessa he finds out many things he didn 't know . She brings out things in him he never realized were there . Nessa has always been protected by the O ' Kane 's but when war finally comes she 's going to be facing some hard realities . Character 's die in this book and some are hard to take when it happens . This book was action packed and fully emotional if you have been following the series . I found myself wondering on bated breath for who would not make it to the end . A plus writing from this author as always . This series is over but the author has promised this is not the end . A new series is starting in another sector next year . Gideon 's Riders will be featured there but we are promised to see characters from Sector 4 still . Hang on for the ride ! Silent Night , Snowy Night . . . Colin Malloy enjoys spending Christmas with his family at the Malloy ranch . But this holiday , what he really wants to do is to get closer to the alluring Dr . Anita Cross . So when a blizzard conspires to keep her from joining the Malloy family 's festivities , neither snow , sleet , nor spun - out cars will prevent Colin from reaching her side . As the new doctor in town , Anita is wholeheartedly devoted to her patients . So when a little boy needs her on this snowy night , she doesn 't hesitate to care for him and send him home in time to spend Christmas with his family . An evening with a certain sexy cowboy will have to wait - or so she thinks . When a breathless Colin Malloy shows up at her clinic , Anita finds her cold , lonely night quickly heating up . And no crisis or well - meaning relative will stop them from making this a Christmas to remember . . . I love Colin . He 's kind of been in the background in the other books in this series . He gave up a lot to help care for his three nephews . Now that they are grown he 's 40 and wondering if it 's finally time for him to have a life to find love . Just so happens Dr . Anita Cross moved to town and he can 't help himself around here . He 's drawn to her . When a snowstorm keeps her at the clinic to care for patients he volunteers to pick her up and bring her to the ranch . The snowstorm isn 't going to make it easy and instead he gets stuck with her in town with blizzard conditions and no power . Totally sigh worthy novella . You know a novella is good when you wish it was a longer . This one made me wish for more and more and more . More Colin and Anita . Hopefully it we will get to see more of their relationship in the next book in this series . The Malloy 's are such big and caring family that look out for everyone . A feel good Christmas story for sure ! Wild at Heart . . . Wild . Reckless . Stubborn . That 's Luke Malloy in a nutshell . The solitary life of a rancher and the untamed Montana wilderness make him feel alive - and nothing will ever change that . Not even being thrown from his horse and forced to accept a stranger 's help . The fact that this stranger is a beautiful blonde with a passion for ranching that rivals his own doesn 't hurt . But there 's a secret she 's hiding , and Luke won 't rest until he uncovers it . . . Ingrid Larsen doesn 't need anyone 's help . Not with managing her family 's ranch . Not with raising her little sister . And certainly not with the mysterious incidents occurring on her property . When this too - sexy - for - his - own - good cowboy needs a place to recover , she hopes he 'll be in and out in no time flat . But just as she 's beginning to trust Luke 's promise of protection , Ingrid 's secret threatens to tear them apart . Luke Malloy is the wild one of the Malloy brothers . He 's always lived his life the way he wants and how he wants . Then he stumbles in to the life on Ingrid Larsen . Ingrid is struggling to keep her fathers ranch afloat after he passed away suddenly . After Ingrid helps him out Luke decides he wants to hang around her ranch and help her if he can . Love the Malloy clan . Luke is one of those guys who is always there for the underdog . Ingrid is a fighter though and she is made of some tough stuff . It was fun watching these two get close in between Luke 's family and the drama around Ingrid 's ranch troubles . The characters in this series make you wish you could be part of it all . Love how R . C . Ryan pulls you in and works her magic . Would everyone love to live on a fabulous sprawling ranch ? This book makes you wish you could . The Monroe brothers have their differences , but one project unites them : turning an antebellum mansion in their Haven , Georgia , hometown into a peaceful spa . It was the dream of their late sister - and it 's about to set off a major renovation in the life of middle brother Braxton … Braxton Monroe 's taking a break from teaching to do some strenuous work on a Civil War - era house , and feeling the strain in every rock - hard muscle . Good thing he has to interview massage therapists for the spa - even if it 's embarrassing to meet a job candidate in his boxers . Cora Buchanan has hands so talented - and a voice so sultry - he wants to hire her before he even lifts his head from the table . But he 's shocked to meet her outside the massage room - with her seeing - eye dog , Heidi the yellow lab . Cora has left her family - and fiancé - in Atlanta to make her way in this small town . All her parents ' money can 't restore her sight , but it 's up to her to restore her independence . Though she bristles at Braxton 's protectiveness , she too feels lingering effects from their intimate touch . Now that he 's her boss , it 's strictly hands - off … . Until a secret she 's keeping destroys his fragile trust , and they must find the courage to knock down the walls between them . This is one of those series you just know you 're probably going to like because the family is a mishmash of people who make themselves into a family instead of being born into one . The Monroe brothers and their sister lost to them now were adopted and came from different backgrounds but with plenty of baggage . Now grown they are making their sisters dream come true but also working through those piles of baggage . Braxton has a tragic past that brought him eventually to the Monroe 's . Now as a adult his nursing the ache of the women he thought he loved cheating on him . Then he meets the women who knocks him right on his butt . Cora is the new massage therapist for the spa with some surprises of her own . The first of which is she 's blind . She 's trying to prove to herself and her family she can take care of herself when her family thinks she needs a keeper . It was fun watching these two find their way to each other . It was fun and and exciting but by no means easy . I love watching the brothers interact with each other and when you throw the women in this series into the mix there 's a laugh of two as well . Even though the guys can be gruff you can see the love between them . Jules Bennett writes a wonderful series and i can 't wait to see what happens with the last brother Liam . Coming soon ! eARC Provided by author Maggie Lee 's done a lot of questionable things that have made her question her own sanity . Chaperoning her niece 's class trip is one of them . Not only must she attempt to corral a bunch of energetic kids , but at the same time she has to argue with the talking lizard in her bra , avoid a mysterious doppelganger , and chase down runaway horses ! And that 's just the beginning . With her relationships and alliances in flux , Maggie is uncertain of what her next steps should be . Caught between the family drama caused by the return of her sister , Darlene , and her own efforts to save an innocent boy , Maggie struggles to make the right decisions and protect lives that hang in the balance . Can Maggie navigate these latest landmines , or will relationships , or even a life , be lost ? JB Lynn knows just how to reel her readers in . Maggie Lee is one tough cookie but her cookie is always on brink on crumbling . She supposed to chaperone her nieces field trip but like everything with Maggie it 's never that simple . On the edge of your seat most of the time when you read one of these books you never know where the author is going . There is simply nothing obvious about the plot . You can 't see the twists and turns coming until they hit you . Keeping you guessing should be her tag line . Exciting and fun from beginning to end you are left waiting for the next books as soon as you read the last word . Amazing ! After a messy breakup , Leigh Holloway is ready to start her life over . Until her parents put the family home on the market and call her back for one final , memory - making Christmas . The last thing she wants to do is deprive her mom of the perfect holiday , so she 'll lie her way through the visit and worry about her future in the New Year . Too bad the only bar in town is owned by a guy she seriously wronged in high school . Leigh 's best friend broke Croy Dawson 's heart , and Croy knows it was Leigh 's fault . They 've never liked each other , but Croy isn 't cruel : he 'd never turn away a pretty woman in need of some family - Christmas fortification . He doesn 't expect her to drink just enough candy - cane martinis to tell him her secrets - and he definitely doesn 't expect to get caught up in her holiday madness . Despite the surprising love and laughter , Croy and Leigh can 't escape the truth : he can 't walk away from his family obligations and she has a life and career to reboot . But anything is possible if your holiday comes with a twist … You know Shannon Stacey never disappoints . In this holiday novella Leigh Holloway comes home for Christmas . The last one in the house she grew up in . Her family has a lot of upheaval going on so she doesn 't want to tell them she broke it off with her fiance and quit her job in the city . Wouldn 't you know it when she walks into the only bar in town there stands the guy who she kind of is the blame for screwing some stuff up for way back out of high school . Croy ( short for Croydon , love it ) is mostly over it all . He lends her his ear and gets himself in deep pretty quickly with Leigh . Watching these two navigate the holidays and a possible relation is fun . Is she leaving or staying ? What really happened all those years ago and at this point does it even matter ? Of course it kinds of all goes to hell for a bit but they get it right in the end . One thing about novella 's is the story has to move fast . There are only so many pages to get it all in . If you can do that still make the reader feel like they got a good story that 's pretty great but still leaving them wanting more even better . That was this story did for me . At twenty - five , Grace Evans is steadily picking up the pieces of everyone else 's life . So , when her younger sister decides to turn into a runaway bride just four weeks before the wedding , Grace , drops everything to chase after her and bring her back home . Only , when the trail leads to Mistletoe , Washington , she finds herself at the mercy of the town 's most handsome and emotionally unavailable bachelor . Ex - Army officer , Ayden McCabe , has three creeds in life : never make the first move , never fall in love , and never take anyone to Mistletoe 's Christmas Dance . Wanting nothing more than to keep his matchmaking sister from meddling in his personal life , he agrees to help Grace if she agrees to play his girlfriend . Too brunette and meek for his taste , Ayden believes Grace can 't tempt him enough to break any of his creeds . He could not be more wrong . This is a new author for me . I wasn 't sure what to expect but liked the blurb so decided it was worth a try . Grace is used to being the person who solves her sister and her moms 's problems , to being in charge . When her soon to be married sister disappears she heads to the last place they think she was to find her and bring her back . Ayden is one of those guys who is not looking for a forever girl . His sister is determined to find him a wife . When he strikes a deal with Grace to pretend they are together to get his sister off his back and help find her Grace 's sister things get a little murky . Loved Ayden and Grace although Ayden took a long time getting over himself . The secondary characters move the story along and add some fun to the mix . Overall a good quick read . The people of the town of Mistletoe make the story come alive . The wrap up at the end with the special Christmas Eve dance was sweet . Find out more about this book and Tammy L Bailey here www . tammylbailey . com Previously published in No Place Like Home and Jingle All The Way . A holiday miracle to remember . . . A matchbox advent calendar first brought Frank Rayner and Addie Hutton together . But that was years ago . Since then Addie has written herself out of her father 's will , gotten herself blacklisted as a reporter , and had her husband leave her for a younger woman . The only good decision she seems to have made is to move back home , even if Frank now owns that home and is renting the apartment over the garage to her . Not that she thinks there 's anything there . There 's no reason to get wrapped up in the holiday cheer . Because Christmas miracles are for the movies . Real life is about unexpected families - and the magic of true love - and could there be a happy ending after all ? This was a novella that has been published previously in two other books . I have never read it before and am a fan of Linda Lael Miller so i was interested in checking it out . It 's a quick easy read at only 50 pages so you can definitely read it in one evening . This is a second chance romance . Frank and Addie were high school sweethearts and years later they both have had some difficult paths that lead them back to each other . This is a sweet story with some sad parts to overcome . Linda Lael Miller always has good characters and a way of putting you right in the story . Glad i got to read this one finally . WIND RIVER VALLEY First in a new series by the author of Night Hawk and Out Rider Still waters run deep . . . From the moment Roan Taggart picked up the pretty redhead at the Jackson Hole airport , his training and experience told him she was spooked . She 's left New York City to visit the Wind River Ranch , where Roan is a wrangler , and just as he can pick up a horse 's mood , he can feel the tension coming off her body . And that vulnerability is triggering all his protective instincts . . . Shiloh Gallagher likes the gray - eyed cowboy 's dry humor - and the Special Forces background that lends him a stoic , powerful presence . But she 's been scarred by trauma and her mother 's murder . . . and knows a strong man can be dangerous . She came to wide - open Wyoming to flee a threat that 's left her unable to write her novels . Now , as she rides horses with Roan and helps him build an isolated cabin , she 's slowly letting down her guard . But danger has followed her west , and they won 't have a future together unless they defeat a killer from her past … Shiloh Gallagher has a stalker . Whoever he is he has been slowly cutting her off from everything and terrorizing her . She has one place she can go to escape , a ranch in Wyoming to a dear of her mothers . Roan Taggert is a ranch hand and a former military operator . I really liked the blurb for this book and that 's what made me want to read it . The cover is also a attention grabber . The idea for the book was really good . I loved the two main characters . The story itself for me was riddle with problems . I don 't know when i last skimmed a book as much as i did this one . So many details were repeated over and over again . Some of the dialogue was drawn out and over descriptive . I found myself not caring and just wanting to find a good section in the book . It was really close to a do not finish for me . This would have been a much shorter and better book if some of the extra stuff i just mentioned had been removed . It also seemed there should have been more secondary characters and the ones who were introduced weren 't heard from for pages and pages . The owners of the ranch Maud who was Shiloh 's moms good friend and her husband Steve were only sparsly spread through the book . Overall it just didn 't work for me and there was so much potential here with the plot . The bad guy stalker was obvious and he was never looked into by Roan which he is portrayed at a protector of Shiloh and with his military experience he never checks it out . Not sure I will read this author again if her writing is all like this one . ' Tis the season … for an unexpected baby surprise … Taken in at a young age , Ryker Barrett owes the O ' Shea family everything . Which means his " little sister " Laney is way off - limits … no matter how seductive the brunette beauty is ! She 's the one woman he can 't have a casual fling with … so how in the hell did he end up in her bed ? Laney knows the dangerous Ryker is the perfect man for her no matter how hard he resists . But when one night of unbridled passion leaves Laney pregnant with his child , she 'll need a Christmas miracle to convince him that loving her won 't destroy his place in her overprotective family . Finally the last O ' Shea is going to get her man . Even if the man in question is kind of her brother . What ? Ok he 's not really her brother but he did spend part of his childhood growing up with her brothers and her as the little sister he mostly ignored . Well she 's not a little girl anymore . There are 10 years in age and a different family background between them but Laney and Ryker are attracted to each other . Ryker has been fighting it for years but with one slip up Laney ends up pregnant and that 's when he starts to unravel . He still doesn 't make it easy for her . Loved these two and the build up from previous books makes you salivate to finally see what happens when they do get together . Ryker thinks he owes everything to the O ' Shea 's for taking him on when he was 12 and he 's done a lot for them . They 've fully accepted him as part of the family but even still he thinks he isn 't worthy of Laney . Love the push pull is takes to get him to see the light . There is a thread of suspense in this book and the series as they 've been on search for missing scrolls and someone is hacking in their computers for the business . Enjoyable and thrilling read from cover to cover . A great evenings worth of reading . Jay na Thalang is a demanding , driven genius . He doesn 't know how to stop or even slow down . The instant he lays eyes on Maria Lopez , he knows that she is a sexy distraction he can 't afford . He 's done his best to keep her at arm 's length , and he 's succeeded beyond his wildest dreams . Maria has always been cautious . Now that her once - tiny , apocalypse - centered blog is hitting the mainstream , she 's even more careful about preserving her online anonymity . She hasn 't sent so much as a picture to the commenter she 's interacted with for eighteen months - not even after emails , hour - long chats , and a friendship that is slowly turning into more . Maybe one day , they 'll meet and see what happens . But unbeknownst to them both , Jay is Maria 's commenter . They 've already met . They already hate each other . And two determined enemies are about to discover that they 've been secretly falling in love … This was a new author for me and i loved the blurb so i decided to give this book a try . I enjoyed the idea if the blog and the main characters not realizing they knew each other . It sounded like it would be a fun read . While i liked parts of story it never took off for me . The first chapter was kind of fun and interesting then it was for me just to dark and serio us . To much techy sciencey stuff that was just plain boring . While i get that the relationship between these two characters is intense and complicated it just made me feel sad . I didn 't feel the connection between Jay and Maria unfortunately . I will say the book boasts a lot of diversity with the characters but it might have been a little to much for readers to digest . The romance was just not there . It might work for someone else but for me it just made me feel conflicted and confused . Find out more about Courtney Milan here www . courtneymilan . com Can 't Buy Me LoveIt 's Tag Crane 's job to be the life of the party . Traveling from one exotic locale to another is just part of running the luxurious Crane Hotel empire . But even paradise isn 't perfect . Devising a new business strategy is keeping Tag up at night - and so is the Great Dane barking at all hours in the apartment below his . To muzzle the problem , Tag charges downstairs . . . right into the most beautiful , blond distraction he 's ever seen . Dog - sitting by day , bartending by night . It 's not exactly the life Rachel Foster dreamed of . But when Tag Crane rushes in , all mountain - man shoulders and obscenely sexy smile , needing her help for the Crane Hotels , it 's a fantasy come true . What 's the harm in a fun no - strings fling ? Only a fool would give her heart to a billionaire player like Tag - until suddenly the one man who can 't be caught is the one flirting with forever . . . This is the second book in this series and I LOVED book one and was in entranced with the other two brothers , although Eli was kept more of a mystery in the last book . Tag is this huge 6ft 4 inch guy with long elbow length hair . Are you picturing it yet ? Lots of muscles and sexy as hell . Yeah now you got it i bet . Larger than life is what he is . Rachel Foster is his temporary neighbor while she babysits an acquaintances Great Dane . Problem is the dog doesn 't want to be alone and Tag is the owner of the building and the upstairs neighbor . That means Tag 's got to go and find out what 's up . Rachel 's recently been burned by a man she dated for 2 years . He hurt her emotionally but also professionally when he stole her promotion and she lost her job . Tag is a confirmed life time bachelor what could happen right ? Loved watching these two be there for each other . They clicked for me as soon as they appeared on on the page together . It was fun to watch Tag go from a playboy who wants nothing to do with a permanent attachment to a women to a man who wants it all . He of course blows it at one point only to finally have a epiphany . Rachel lost sense of sFind out more about Jessica Lemmon here www . jessicalemmon . com Lawson Monroe is a chef without a restaurant . . . until his friend and mentor makes a deathbed promise to leave Law the only dive bar on Mimosa Key . Law has big plans for the Toasted Pelican until he walks directly into the luscious body and gorgeous face of Libby Chesterfield and her outrageous claim that the bar and restaurant should come to her . When Libby learned that the man who once owned the crappiest watering hole on the island was actually her biological father , she decided the least he owed her was his unclaimed business . The old man wasn 't there for her when she and her brother were growing up in Barefoot Bay , but his legacy can help her build a new future when she transforms the property into Balance , a yoga studio . The only obstacle ? Her father apparently named former bad boy and current sexy silver fox Law Monroe his heir . Law never thought he 'd want anything more than the chance to make a living cooking his food for the people of Barefoot Bay . . . but Libby arouses an irresistible hunger in him . Battling an attraction that sizzles hotter than one of Law 's cast - iron skillets and uncovering long - buried secrets with more twists than one of Libby 's yoga poses , they 'll have to find a way to both get what they want . . . especially if what they really want is each other . Book 3 in the Barefoot Bay Timeless series kicks off with Lawson Monroe still trying to find out who owns the Toasted Pelican . It 's a bar he 's supposed to have inherited but can 't find the will he needs to prove it in court . He 's been pecking around in the last 2 books looking and coming up empty . He 's about to get a hell of a surprise about who owns it and and a jolt about his good friend who recently passed away . Something as simple as finding a will and claiming the restaurant / bar for his life 's passion turns into a complicated mess . Twists and turns in the hunt for answers are abundant . Libby Chesterfield has been doubting her worth and her faith in men for years and finally gave them up . Law is not that easy to ignore though and when secrets come out he 's the man for support . I love that this series focus 's on men in my age group . There is life and romance after 4o and Roxanne St Claire does a great job showing us just how good it can be . There is so much baggage between Law and Libby is takes a lot for them to sort it all out and just when you think things are going to end well bamm that sneaky author throws a monkey wrench in the story and messes it all up . There 's a HEA so don 't worry about that . If you have read the previous 2 books in this trilogy you might think you know a thing or two about Law and Libby but you really don 't . Even if you have not read a book in this series i think you can pick this up and go with it . Find out more about Roxanne St Claire and her books here www . roxannestclaire . com Bestselling Author Jules Bennett invites readers into Barefoot Bay where two special people are destined to find their happily ever after . She is determined to save him … Escaping to Barefoot Bay was the only way Cara Prescott knew to cope with the devastating news that could end her marriage . Maybe marrying after a whirlwind affair had been a mistake … at least , that 's the excuse she 's giving her husband to justify setting him free . He is determined to save their marriage … Former soldier Tucker Prescott has no clue what sent his wife running back to Barefoot Bay , but he 's not letting her go that easy . He 's never given up on anything and he certainly isn 't starting with the one person who completes him . Cara Prescott is about to discover that her husband is a stronger man than she ever knew … because he 's not about to let her carry this burden alone . This is a quick little read that will only take a evening for ambitious readers to finish . A marriage gone wrong but only one person knows why . Tucker Prescott only received a note from his wife telling him she was leaving and no explanation . Not one to let go easily he knows where to find her in Barefoot Bay . Cara received some devastating news and right after was confronted with her husband 's mother who never really approved of her . Dearest mother in law made everything worse . Cara loves Tucker and only wants the very best for him and decides she 's not it . Tucker is bound and determined to find out what 's got his wife scared and running . He isn 't going to let the best thing to ever happened to him go . Loved Tucker ! I mean who wouldn 't want a man who always puts you first who is always thinking of you . It 's not that Cara doesn 't do the same for him . Money and prestige mean nothing to her . Tucker 's family has both . She 's got a huge secret that she feels will change their lives . In many ways it could if they let it . While i think Cara drags things on a little long i can understand why she does . She doesn 't want to let go and she 's confused . Loved the HEA at the end and would love more Tuck and Cara ! After Alexis Maguire 's wedding day comes and goes without a groom , she decides that it 's time for a change . Tired of being the dependable , steady - and apparently boring - one , Alexis hopes that a cross - country road trip will help her loosen up and find her inner sparkle . Her first stop is the Whisper Creek Ranch , where the hot wranglers are sure to bring out her inner party girl . The trouble is , she can 't stand pretending to be someone she 's not - especially around the cowboy who tempts her to stay put . Gunnar Peterson has spent six months working at Whisper Creek , and he 's never been happier . Having grown up an army brat , he 's ready to put down roots , and the only thing missing is a woman to share his life with . When Alexis blows into town , Gunnar thinks he may have met his match , despite the wild - child facade he sees right through . But Alexis swears she won 't settle down anytime soon - so it 's up to Gunnar to convince her that what she 's looking for . . . is right here . I have not read this author before and the cover and the blurb for this book caught my eye so i decided to give it a try . Alexis Maguire 's track record with men has not been a good one . She thinks she 's cursed . The last bust up came when her fiance leaves her 2 weeks before the wedding via a letter . Her sister Katie helps her come up with a game plan and she decides she 's going to reinvent herself a little and become the fun and exciting one . Heading off to Whisper Creek to be the nurse there for the summer . Gunnar falls for her the minute he sees her . Forced to be a wanderer in his childhood he craves something permanent . He 's a man with a plan for his future . He can totally see Alexis there if he can get her to see what a idiot her ex is . Nothing is easy for Alexis and just when she thinks she 's finally found the right man a family emergency changes everything . I really enjoyed this book . It was a snap to read it flowed so well . Everyone on Whisper Creek is pretty fun and loving and a perfect place to live . Gunnar shows Alexis what love is and is her rock when she needs one . I will definitely want to read this author again and wish i had read the previous book in this series but it is not necessary to in order to read this book . A page turner if you enjoy sweet contemporary romance . The sweetest part of temptation is giving in … Raphael ( Angel ) Coleman and Laurel Sitko were thick as thieves throughout their school years . The unlikely friendship between the rancher 's son and the preacher 's daughter might have gone unnoticed by most , but their shared laughter and connection were the best parts of Rafe 's life growing up . Now that she 's returned to Rocky , he 's eager to move from friend to something far more intimate . After three years away , Laurel 's ready to start over with the gorgeous cowboy who 's always owned a piece of her heart . But when her college ex shows up in town , she 's got a lot more to deal with than expected , including one suddenly possessive cowboy determined to protect her even as he tutors her through every sexual lesson in the book . Desire flares hotter and hotter through stolen moments and willing seduction . But when tragedy strikes , Rafe 's left on shaky ground , his biggest fear now a reality that could tear them apart and rip forever from their grasp . Will the connection forged by time be strong enough to see them through to the other side ? Rafe and Laurel have been friends since the first day they met as kids . In trouble together more than a little often too . After being away from each other for three years Laurel comes back and the two decide it 's time to see where their friendship might lead them . Only problem is Laurel comes back with secrets and a ex - boyfriend follows her too . The majority of this book is filled with Rafe and Laurel finding out if they can have a relationship that 's more than just friends . Each is dealing with family issues and secrets and fears . It 's a nice read until the last 20 % when things get heated and secrets come out and fears become real . Then is sizzles ! Rafe questions whether he 's good enough for Laurel and Laurel finally deals with the past 3 years of her life . Love the Six Pack family and have enjoyed this series over the years since book one . Look forward to finding out Jessie 's story next . Some of his secrets are revealed in this story to Rafe and it 's going to be interesting for sure . Find out more about Vivian Arend and her books here www . vivianarend . com Protecting her life will mean betraying her trust Ainsley Hamilton has always been the responsible one of the family . As the oldest daughter of presidential candidate Buckmaster Hamilton , she 's also a potential target . For months she 's sensed someone following her . When an expedition to scout locations for a commercial takes a terrifying turn , she 's rescued by a natural - born cowboy who tempts the good girl to finally let loose . Sawyer Nash knows just how reckless it is to fall for someone he 's gone undercover to protect . Yet masquerading as an extra on set , he starts to see beneath Ainsley 's controlled facade . And with the election - and a killer - drawing closer , Sawyer stands to lose not just his job and his life but the woman for whom he 'd gladly risk both . I have read one other book in this series . I didn 't realize i did when i requested this book for review . I wish i would have . I 'm sorry to say this book did not work for me . Ainsley is the oldest of the Hamilton kids which are all girls . She 's kind of a mess . Which isn 't the biggest issue . Sawyer Nash is asked to asked to check on her and see if she 's OK . She has a stalker issue and he 's going to try and find out if there is one and catch the guy . I am going to say that the first chapter started off great . Exciting stuff happening in the first chapter . Well this is one of those books that gives you a glimpse of the end and then goes back weeks to what leads up to that end . Getting to that same point toward the end of the book was pure torture to read . That first chapter was the only thing that got me to finish reading the book . It sounded so promising . There was just to much cheesy dialogue and things that were just to out there for me . Do authors or anyone call stolen goods " Loot " anymore ? Would law enforcement call it that ? The blurb makes this book sound like a really good read but unfortunately for me it was a dud . I really wanted to like it . Find out more about this series here www . bjdaniels . com eARC Provided by author through Publisher Expecting her rival 's baby ! Driven businesswoman Eve Winchester has big plans to take her father 's Chicago real estate empire global . But when she ends up pregnant by her family 's personal and professional nemesis , she 's thrown into the shark tank of corporate intrigue . Now she 's doing damage control as she falls even deeper for Graham Newport . Graham has never had such a heated , secret fling . But suddenly Eve is pregnant , and no strings attached turns into the ties that bind . Graham won 't turn his back on what 's his , but will family friction tear apart their fledgling affair ? I have not read the previous books in this series and that caused a bit of confusion for me at the beginning of this book . It took a bit to get into it once i figured out who everyone was . Eve and Graham are having a affair . Only problem is their families are huge rivals . There is some bad blood between the families but Eve and Graham can 't seem to tamp out their attraction for each other . I loved watching Graham fall for Eve . He doesn 't see what 's going on and is almost too late to save things when he eventually screws things up . For whatever reason i really love Graham and Eve . I felt for Eve and her predicament . There are plenty of interesting secondary characters that play into this series as well and it 's fun to find out little by little who they are as well . Left me wishing i had read the previous books in this series . This is Connor 's story . Unstable . Unpredictable . Consumed by perfect rage . I was fighting who I 'd become and what I 'd done . There was nothing I cared about except her . She was mine . But I 'd forgotten her - my shutterbug . And I lost her . Until now . I 'd do anything to possess her again . Anything to keep her safe . Protect her against my biggest opponent . The monster . Me . I got into this series late it seems for every book that came out . Book one definitely hooked me even though at parts i was horrified . I remember thinking oh no this is not for me . Then i kept reading . The series is pretty intense all the way through . Deep and emotional and scary and thrilling . If you followed along to book three you know who Connor is . He 's talked about in book one and two and at times he 's a sweet wonderful guy and other times a straight up terrifying killer . Since there isn 't much of him until the end of book 2 it 's hard to tell who Connor really is . Now in book three we get him and find out as he finds out who he is going to be . Alina was his love . After all they have been through that is the one thing he is still sure of . Problem is everything else . You spend the whole book feeling both their individual struggles . You can feel it . Even with everything we learn about Connor i loved him . There is something about him that stands out for me and i kept thinking , " Come on Connor fight " . Alina had her own set of trauma 's and neither her nor Connor were spared anything in this story . It 's intense and the author puts you right there in the story with them . You can 't beat that . So good . One of the best books and series i have read in a while . Find out more about Nashoda Rose here www . nashodarose . com Sam Leavitt has returned home to Stewart Mills with one goal : to fill in for Coach McDonnell and lead the high school football team to the championship . He doesn 't have time for distractions or commitments - but he 's unable to resist falling for the sexy guidance counselor he shared a hot night with months ago . Jen Cooper knows what she 's looking for long - term , and it 's not Sam - even though the night they shared was explosive . Now , with Sam back in town and working by her side , picking up where they left off is too great a temptation to resist . But before long their fun fling is looking like a future together . And as the championship approaches , Sam is faced with a big decision that will either break them apart - or help them find their way home . Somehow i missed this series . Just happened upon book three and i am glad i did . Sam is the final guy of three former football players that were once on a champion high school team . Each has come back to their hometown and found love except Sam . Sam has been a little resistant . His past has taught him not to trust in love or relationships . Jen Cooper is going to change all that whether he wants her to or not . He doesn 't see it coming . It was fun to watch these two stumble their way through a relationship they didn 't realize they were having . Jen wants Sam to stay but Sam thinks he has to go . So many past situations play into the way Sam acts and you can see him struggle to make peace with all that while cautiously seeing where his fling with Jen is going . I loved the main characters and the secondaries in this story . Certainly makes me want to go back and get the two previous stories in this series . Shannon Stacey always seems to go a wonderful job with her contemporary stories and this one follows all her previous work . I always love the aha moment when that one stubborn character finally figures out they are in love ! A Keeper ! As the daughter of a music legend , Grace Davingham knows all too well what it 's like to be burned by the media 's glare . Now all she wants is to be left to do her painting and conservation work in peace , with no intention of returning to the spotlight . But after she sprains her ankle hiking and a handsome real - estate mogul comes to her rescue , Grace once again finds herself in the public eye . Sexy , successful , and averse to any attachments , Marcus Colby thrives on rigid discipline in order to manage both his real - estate investment company and his personal life . Marc has no time for fun , and no patience for crazy . Which is why meeting Grace - and inheriting an enormous Great Dane who won 't listen to a word he says - has turned Marc 's carefully constructed world upside down . Opposites attract and there are no two people who are more opposite than Grace Davingham and Marcus Colby . Marcus is a uptight guy that plays most everything straight and narrow . Grace is a little bit crazy and definitely artistic and fun . Might be per dad is a famous rocker and her mom and model . Grace was introduced in a previous book but she was pretty secretive until now . She 's come to a small town to escape the pressure of her family and their reality show and city life . She wants some peach and quiet without prying eyes and being burned by so called friends and a man she cared about she 's done with all that . Then she meets Marc . Marc is one of the three men trying to save Briarwood from boredom and give it new life . To be honest there are some awesome silly moments in this book . Marc inherits this huge Great Dane and a house from his aunt who recently passed away . He can 't handle the dog but Grace acts like he 's the sweetest most wonderful dog every . She 's the one who can handle the dog . The dog steals the show a time or two but brings Grace and Marc together too . There is some serious stuff to deal with of course and then there are the doubts . Really this is a well rounded story . I thought perhaps Marc and Grace were to opposite but love can make change worthwhile sometimes . This might have to be my favorite of the three books in the series . One of those books you just can 't put down . It was meant to be a one - night stand . One wicked night with an irresistibly sexy passenger . That 's all Air Marshal Gage Michaels can afford - - his career comes before everything else . Too bad the snowpocalpyse of the century has different plans for him and Abby Winters . Before the night 's over , they find themselves snowed in at the most luxurious hotel in the city . Abby 's scouting job of a NYC penthouse should be quick , simple , and definitely shouldn 't include a sexy - as - hell man messing up the 3000 count sheets that will be featured in her company 's next blockbuster hit . Not when she 's up for a promotion that could skyrocket her entire career in the film industry . Still , she can 't refuse what the weather gods so obviously want her to have . She 'll give in , just this once . Leaving is tougher than either of them could have imagined . But they 're two people who have nothing in common , living on opposite coasts . There 's no way they can ever be together . Right ? I don 't know if i have ever read a book about a one night stand that starts on a airplane before . That was what initially attracted me to this book as it was something for me that was not a typical book for me . I also saw it on the home page of Goodreads . com reviewed by another reader . Air Marshall Gage Michaels is leading a life with a job that is tough on relationships . After his last one ends in disaster he 's done for now . He 's too busy traveling with work and helping his sister raise her daughter . Then he meets Abby Winters on a plane while off duty and things get intense quickly . They connect pretty quick . Abby is trying to make her mark in a high pressure job and that means no fun until meeting Gage tempts her . Throwing caution to the wind they hook up . One night turns into more when all flights are grounded and they are stuck after a snow storm . For me this book started out so good . I enjoyed the writing the characters and the plot . While it was still overall a very good read for me it kind of fizzled in the middle for a bit . There is only so much sex two people can have in a couple days . Much as i love a good sex scene too many is a turn off . Many good emotional scenes through out but the meh parts let me down . The ending brought it back and it finished strong . KaiThere is nothing I care about . No attachments . No connections . Outwardly , I 'm a perfect gentleman . Until my target sees my knife . I fear nothing , not even death . In my world , death is considered a privilege . But my life comes with unbreakable cruel strings and when I met her , I should 've walked away . I didn 't . I was too selfish . And that sealed her fate . Because one week with me led her into the hands of ruin . LondonWe all have unique layers that make up who we are . What makes us vulnerable or strong . What we fear and what excites us . But peel back those layers and you 're left naked and exposed . They did that to me . Each piece was slowly stripped away then burned . I merely existed . But there was one layer they overlooked . The most important of them all - the tie to one man . The man responsible for me being this way . The man who found me . And the killer who would do anything to protect me . Book two in what i understand is a three book series . I stumbled upon book one in this series and knew i had to read it . I was floored by how dark and sexy it was . While there is a HEA for these couples they are hard fought for and never easy . Kai and London also travel a extremely difficult path to get theirs . The characters in this book thoroughly fleshed out that you feel you know them . They hurt and you hurt for them . Both Kai and London have strength although at times they don 't think they do . They feed off each others strength . The dialogue is definitely swoon worthy at times but never cheesy . Heartbreaking and emotional Perfect Ruin us just that a story about two people whose lives have been ruined by others actions but still they are perfect together . An awesome read from page one til the end . In a word " Intense " ! If you are a author and have a book you 'd like reviewed just send me a email with the details . I accept paperback , hard cover or audio books or any format of ebook for Kindle at this time . Email me at Modokker AT yahoo DOT com . At this time I am NOT accepting requests for reviews . I am fully booked for the next couple months . I will remove this message when i am able to accept requests again . Thank you !
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THE HERO ' S HOMECOMINGOwen Loughman is a highly - decorated Navy SEAL who has a thirst for action . But there 's one thing he hasn 't been able to forget - his high school sweetheart , Natalie . After over a decade away , Owen is returned home to the ranch in Texas for a dangerous new mission that puts him face - to - face with Natalie and an outside menace that threatens everything he holds dear . He 'll risk it all to keep Natalie safe - and win her heart . . . . Natalie Dixon has had a lifetime of heartache since Owen was deployed . Fourteen years and one bad marriage later , she finds herself mixed up with the Loughman 's again . With her life on the line against an enemy she can 't fight alone , it 's Owen 's strong shoulders , smoldering eyes , and sensuous smile that she turns to . When danger closes in , she holds close to the only man she 's ever loved … The first of a new series by Donna Grant . Three brothers in the military who have been disconnected from their father for years . Suddenly they are all brought home when their father disappears with secrets and their aunt and uncle are murdered on the family ranch . Suddenly they are caught up trying to find their dad and uncover secrets and learning more about each other than they knew . Owen and Natalie were meant to be when they were kids then Owen graduated and headed into the Navy . Natalie eventually tried to move on but was never very successful . She swore off men but now Owen is back . Now they are thrown together to figure out what 's going on with Owen 's dad . Action packed this series starts off at a fast pace . We get introduced to everyone in this book and find out about Owen and Natalie and get a little of the other characters stories . Owen and Natalie are forced to work together and of course exam their feeling for each other along the way . I really liked the characters in this book and was excited to see where all the relationship would go . It started fast and exciting and was good most of the time although it did drag for me a few times . A good start to a new series . The heart of the story goes on from book to book but each book will have a brother and his significant other . Excited to see where the next book takes me ! Running a billion - dollar hedge fund doesn 't leave a lot of time for fun in the sun , but that doesn 't bother James Brannigan . After spending his youth helping his widowed father raise six younger brothers , James took a cue from his workaholic dad and channeled all his energy into business . So when he learns that his father left him a tiny winery on the Amalfi Coast , he 's not thrilled . A trip to Italy is the last thing his busy schedule needs , but the winery has to go . Which means … he has to go to the winery . Kyra Summers is the definition of a free - spirit . In her thirty years on earth , she 's never stayed in one place long enough to put down roots until she arrived in Positano and fell hard for the bold flavors , hot sun , warm people , and above all , the wonderful wine . Her job at a small , local winery is her first attempt to make a real home and the people who run the place start to become like family to her . Until the winery 's new owner , a devastatingly handsome , shockingly ruthless billionaire , arrives with plans to shut it all down . Kyra 's willing to do whatever it takes to save this place she loves - even if it means cozying up to a man who 's harder than granite and twice as cold . But the Italian sunshine has a way of heating things up - with every fiery exchange , they strike sparks and draw irresistibly closer together . James is stunned by his attraction to a woman unlike any he 's met before , and Kyra discovers a simmering passion hidden behind his polished exterior . But passion won 't be enough to change James 's mind and his priorities , which is exactly why his late father sent him to Italy . Changing James is going to take a much bigger risk - it 's going to take love . Book 6 of 7 about a group of brothers . James being the oldest is the most responsible . He follows in his dads footsteps as that 's what he 's always done . He took up for his mom when she passed away in a car accident when he and his brothers were just kids . He filled the gap as best he could and raised his younger brothers . Hi father passed away now too each of the boys received a inheritance of a sort . A envelope with something their father gave specifically to them . James gets a winery in Italy . When he goes there he gets knocked off his axis and everything he thought he knew when he finds himself with bubbly and spirited Kyra Summers . It 's fun to watch James once ordered life fall to pieces and become something else . Something better even if he doesn 't realize it . Both James and Kyra have things in common and some of those are not so good . There 's something going on behind the romance if your not paying attention you might miss it like James did . Then it all comes crashing down on James and Kyra . A excellent read that can be read as a stand alone in the series . Find out more about this series and Roxanne St Claire here www . roxannestclaire . com For years , Nessa has been focused on work . She keeps the whiskey - and the money - flowing , and life is sweet . Sure , she 's tired of being everyone 's baby sister , and she longs for a man who can stand up to her overprotective O ' Kane brothers . But she never thought she 'd meet him in the middle of a war . War is all Ryder knows . He was raised with one goal : to ensure the sectors ' successful rebellion against Eden . His father and his mentor both died for freedom , and nothing will stop him from securing their legacies with victory . He doesn 't have time for distractions - especially beautiful , impulsive ones like Nessa . Opposites don 't just attract , they combust . Together , Nessa and Ryder have a chance for something more than the lives they 've always known . But this is war - deadly , bloody war - and the only way to happily - ever - after is straight through Eden . The final book in the bestselling , award - winning series . . . She 's the heart of O ' Kane liquor . He 's the brains of the revolution . They 're facing a war that could end their world . Again . On December 13th , the Beyond series comes to its climactic conclusion with Nessa and Ryder 's story - - and the final battle between the sectors and Eden . Nessa and Ryder finally get their story . Nessa has been around for the entire Beyond series but she 's always kind of hung out in the background but no more . She 's the brains behind O ' Kane liquor . Always protected by all the O ' Kane 's . A little sister to every guy in gang until Ryder shows up . Ryder does not look at her like a brother . Oh no . Ryder is all about war . It 's was he was taught since he was a kid . Now it 's time for that war he 's been preparing for when the battle between the sectors and Eden heats up and things get deadly . This is a wrap up to the Beyond series . War has been inevitable since the beginning of the series and Kit Rocha has slowly been bring us to that while telling us stories about many of the O ' Kane 's . Ryder is this amazing guy who seems to be able to do anything but finding Nessa he finds out many things he didn 't know . She brings out things in him he never realized were there . Nessa has always been protected by the O ' Kane 's but when war finally comes she 's going to be facing some hard realities . Character 's die in this book and some are hard to take when it happens . This book was action packed and fully emotional if you have been following the series . I found myself wondering on bated breath for who would not make it to the end . A plus writing from this author as always . This series is over but the author has promised this is not the end . A new series is starting in another sector next year . Gideon 's Riders will be featured there but we are promised to see characters from Sector 4 still . Hang on for the ride ! Silent Night , Snowy Night . . . Colin Malloy enjoys spending Christmas with his family at the Malloy ranch . But this holiday , what he really wants to do is to get closer to the alluring Dr . Anita Cross . So when a blizzard conspires to keep her from joining the Malloy family 's festivities , neither snow , sleet , nor spun - out cars will prevent Colin from reaching her side . As the new doctor in town , Anita is wholeheartedly devoted to her patients . So when a little boy needs her on this snowy night , she doesn 't hesitate to care for him and send him home in time to spend Christmas with his family . An evening with a certain sexy cowboy will have to wait - or so she thinks . When a breathless Colin Malloy shows up at her clinic , Anita finds her cold , lonely night quickly heating up . And no crisis or well - meaning relative will stop them from making this a Christmas to remember . . . I love Colin . He 's kind of been in the background in the other books in this series . He gave up a lot to help care for his three nephews . Now that they are grown he 's 40 and wondering if it 's finally time for him to have a life to find love . Just so happens Dr . Anita Cross moved to town and he can 't help himself around here . He 's drawn to her . When a snowstorm keeps her at the clinic to care for patients he volunteers to pick her up and bring her to the ranch . The snowstorm isn 't going to make it easy and instead he gets stuck with her in town with blizzard conditions and no power . Totally sigh worthy novella . You know a novella is good when you wish it was a longer . This one made me wish for more and more and more . More Colin and Anita . Hopefully it we will get to see more of their relationship in the next book in this series . The Malloy 's are such big and caring family that look out for everyone . A feel good Christmas story for sure ! Wild at Heart . . . Wild . Reckless . Stubborn . That 's Luke Malloy in a nutshell . The solitary life of a rancher and the untamed Montana wilderness make him feel alive - and nothing will ever change that . Not even being thrown from his horse and forced to accept a stranger 's help . The fact that this stranger is a beautiful blonde with a passion for ranching that rivals his own doesn 't hurt . But there 's a secret she 's hiding , and Luke won 't rest until he uncovers it . . . Ingrid Larsen doesn 't need anyone 's help . Not with managing her family 's ranch . Not with raising her little sister . And certainly not with the mysterious incidents occurring on her property . When this too - sexy - for - his - own - good cowboy needs a place to recover , she hopes he 'll be in and out in no time flat . But just as she 's beginning to trust Luke 's promise of protection , Ingrid 's secret threatens to tear them apart . Luke Malloy is the wild one of the Malloy brothers . He 's always lived his life the way he wants and how he wants . Then he stumbles in to the life on Ingrid Larsen . Ingrid is struggling to keep her fathers ranch afloat after he passed away suddenly . After Ingrid helps him out Luke decides he wants to hang around her ranch and help her if he can . Love the Malloy clan . Luke is one of those guys who is always there for the underdog . Ingrid is a fighter though and she is made of some tough stuff . It was fun watching these two get close in between Luke 's family and the drama around Ingrid 's ranch troubles . The characters in this series make you wish you could be part of it all . Love how R . C . Ryan pulls you in and works her magic . Would everyone love to live on a fabulous sprawling ranch ? This book makes you wish you could . The Monroe brothers have their differences , but one project unites them : turning an antebellum mansion in their Haven , Georgia , hometown into a peaceful spa . It was the dream of their late sister - and it 's about to set off a major renovation in the life of middle brother Braxton … Braxton Monroe 's taking a break from teaching to do some strenuous work on a Civil War - era house , and feeling the strain in every rock - hard muscle . Good thing he has to interview massage therapists for the spa - even if it 's embarrassing to meet a job candidate in his boxers . Cora Buchanan has hands so talented - and a voice so sultry - he wants to hire her before he even lifts his head from the table . But he 's shocked to meet her outside the massage room - with her seeing - eye dog , Heidi the yellow lab . Cora has left her family - and fiancé - in Atlanta to make her way in this small town . All her parents ' money can 't restore her sight , but it 's up to her to restore her independence . Though she bristles at Braxton 's protectiveness , she too feels lingering effects from their intimate touch . Now that he 's her boss , it 's strictly hands - off … . Until a secret she 's keeping destroys his fragile trust , and they must find the courage to knock down the walls between them . This is one of those series you just know you 're probably going to like because the family is a mishmash of people who make themselves into a family instead of being born into one . The Monroe brothers and their sister lost to them now were adopted and came from different backgrounds but with plenty of baggage . Now grown they are making their sisters dream come true but also working through those piles of baggage . Braxton has a tragic past that brought him eventually to the Monroe 's . Now as a adult his nursing the ache of the women he thought he loved cheating on him . Then he meets the women who knocks him right on his butt . Cora is the new massage therapist for the spa with some surprises of her own . The first of which is she 's blind . She 's trying to prove to herself and her family she can take care of herself when her family thinks she needs a keeper . It was fun watching these two find their way to each other . It was fun and and exciting but by no means easy . I love watching the brothers interact with each other and when you throw the women in this series into the mix there 's a laugh of two as well . Even though the guys can be gruff you can see the love between them . Jules Bennett writes a wonderful series and i can 't wait to see what happens with the last brother Liam . Coming soon ! eARC Provided by author Maggie Lee 's done a lot of questionable things that have made her question her own sanity . Chaperoning her niece 's class trip is one of them . Not only must she attempt to corral a bunch of energetic kids , but at the same time she has to argue with the talking lizard in her bra , avoid a mysterious doppelganger , and chase down runaway horses ! And that 's just the beginning . With her relationships and alliances in flux , Maggie is uncertain of what her next steps should be . Caught between the family drama caused by the return of her sister , Darlene , and her own efforts to save an innocent boy , Maggie struggles to make the right decisions and protect lives that hang in the balance . Can Maggie navigate these latest landmines , or will relationships , or even a life , be lost ? JB Lynn knows just how to reel her readers in . Maggie Lee is one tough cookie but her cookie is always on brink on crumbling . She supposed to chaperone her nieces field trip but like everything with Maggie it 's never that simple . On the edge of your seat most of the time when you read one of these books you never know where the author is going . There is simply nothing obvious about the plot . You can 't see the twists and turns coming until they hit you . Keeping you guessing should be her tag line . Exciting and fun from beginning to end you are left waiting for the next books as soon as you read the last word . Amazing ! After a messy breakup , Leigh Holloway is ready to start her life over . Until her parents put the family home on the market and call her back for one final , memory - making Christmas . The last thing she wants to do is deprive her mom of the perfect holiday , so she 'll lie her way through the visit and worry about her future in the New Year . Too bad the only bar in town is owned by a guy she seriously wronged in high school . Leigh 's best friend broke Croy Dawson 's heart , and Croy knows it was Leigh 's fault . They 've never liked each other , but Croy isn 't cruel : he 'd never turn away a pretty woman in need of some family - Christmas fortification . He doesn 't expect her to drink just enough candy - cane martinis to tell him her secrets - and he definitely doesn 't expect to get caught up in her holiday madness . Despite the surprising love and laughter , Croy and Leigh can 't escape the truth : he can 't walk away from his family obligations and she has a life and career to reboot . But anything is possible if your holiday comes with a twist … You know Shannon Stacey never disappoints . In this holiday novella Leigh Holloway comes home for Christmas . The last one in the house she grew up in . Her family has a lot of upheaval going on so she doesn 't want to tell them she broke it off with her fiance and quit her job in the city . Wouldn 't you know it when she walks into the only bar in town there stands the guy who she kind of is the blame for screwing some stuff up for way back out of high school . Croy ( short for Croydon , love it ) is mostly over it all . He lends her his ear and gets himself in deep pretty quickly with Leigh . Watching these two navigate the holidays and a possible relation is fun . Is she leaving or staying ? What really happened all those years ago and at this point does it even matter ? Of course it kinds of all goes to hell for a bit but they get it right in the end . One thing about novella 's is the story has to move fast . There are only so many pages to get it all in . If you can do that still make the reader feel like they got a good story that 's pretty great but still leaving them wanting more even better . That was this story did for me . At twenty - five , Grace Evans is steadily picking up the pieces of everyone else 's life . So , when her younger sister decides to turn into a runaway bride just four weeks before the wedding , Grace , drops everything to chase after her and bring her back home . Only , when the trail leads to Mistletoe , Washington , she finds herself at the mercy of the town 's most handsome and emotionally unavailable bachelor . Ex - Army officer , Ayden McCabe , has three creeds in life : never make the first move , never fall in love , and never take anyone to Mistletoe 's Christmas Dance . Wanting nothing more than to keep his matchmaking sister from meddling in his personal life , he agrees to help Grace if she agrees to play his girlfriend . Too brunette and meek for his taste , Ayden believes Grace can 't tempt him enough to break any of his creeds . He could not be more wrong . This is a new author for me . I wasn 't sure what to expect but liked the blurb so decided it was worth a try . Grace is used to being the person who solves her sister and her moms 's problems , to being in charge . When her soon to be married sister disappears she heads to the last place they think she was to find her and bring her back . Ayden is one of those guys who is not looking for a forever girl . His sister is determined to find him a wife . When he strikes a deal with Grace to pretend they are together to get his sister off his back and help find her Grace 's sister things get a little murky . Loved Ayden and Grace although Ayden took a long time getting over himself . The secondary characters move the story along and add some fun to the mix . Overall a good quick read . The people of the town of Mistletoe make the story come alive . The wrap up at the end with the special Christmas Eve dance was sweet . Find out more about this book and Tammy L Bailey here www . tammylbailey . com Previously published in No Place Like Home and Jingle All The Way . A holiday miracle to remember . . . A matchbox advent calendar first brought Frank Rayner and Addie Hutton together . But that was years ago . Since then Addie has written herself out of her father 's will , gotten herself blacklisted as a reporter , and had her husband leave her for a younger woman . The only good decision she seems to have made is to move back home , even if Frank now owns that home and is renting the apartment over the garage to her . Not that she thinks there 's anything there . There 's no reason to get wrapped up in the holiday cheer . Because Christmas miracles are for the movies . Real life is about unexpected families - and the magic of true love - and could there be a happy ending after all ? This was a novella that has been published previously in two other books . I have never read it before and am a fan of Linda Lael Miller so i was interested in checking it out . It 's a quick easy read at only 50 pages so you can definitely read it in one evening . This is a second chance romance . Frank and Addie were high school sweethearts and years later they both have had some difficult paths that lead them back to each other . This is a sweet story with some sad parts to overcome . Linda Lael Miller always has good characters and a way of putting you right in the story . Glad i got to read this one finally . WIND RIVER VALLEY First in a new series by the author of Night Hawk and Out Rider Still waters run deep . . . From the moment Roan Taggart picked up the pretty redhead at the Jackson Hole airport , his training and experience told him she was spooked . She 's left New York City to visit the Wind River Ranch , where Roan is a wrangler , and just as he can pick up a horse 's mood , he can feel the tension coming off her body . And that vulnerability is triggering all his protective instincts . . . Shiloh Gallagher likes the gray - eyed cowboy 's dry humor - and the Special Forces background that lends him a stoic , powerful presence . But she 's been scarred by trauma and her mother 's murder . . . and knows a strong man can be dangerous . She came to wide - open Wyoming to flee a threat that 's left her unable to write her novels . Now , as she rides horses with Roan and helps him build an isolated cabin , she 's slowly letting down her guard . But danger has followed her west , and they won 't have a future together unless they defeat a killer from her past … Shiloh Gallagher has a stalker . Whoever he is he has been slowly cutting her off from everything and terrorizing her . She has one place she can go to escape , a ranch in Wyoming to a dear of her mothers . Roan Taggert is a ranch hand and a former military operator . I really liked the blurb for this book and that 's what made me want to read it . The cover is also a attention grabber . The idea for the book was really good . I loved the two main characters . The story itself for me was riddle with problems . I don 't know when i last skimmed a book as much as i did this one . So many details were repeated over and over again . Some of the dialogue was drawn out and over descriptive . I found myself not caring and just wanting to find a good section in the book . It was really close to a do not finish for me . This would have been a much shorter and better book if some of the extra stuff i just mentioned had been removed . It also seemed there should have been more secondary characters and the ones who were introduced weren 't heard from for pages and pages . The owners of the ranch Maud who was Shiloh 's moms good friend and her husband Steve were only sparsly spread through the book . Overall it just didn 't work for me and there was so much potential here with the plot . The bad guy stalker was obvious and he was never looked into by Roan which he is portrayed at a protector of Shiloh and with his military experience he never checks it out . Not sure I will read this author again if her writing is all like this one . ' Tis the season … for an unexpected baby surprise … Taken in at a young age , Ryker Barrett owes the O ' Shea family everything . Which means his " little sister " Laney is way off - limits … no matter how seductive the brunette beauty is ! She 's the one woman he can 't have a casual fling with … so how in the hell did he end up in her bed ? Laney knows the dangerous Ryker is the perfect man for her no matter how hard he resists . But when one night of unbridled passion leaves Laney pregnant with his child , she 'll need a Christmas miracle to convince him that loving her won 't destroy his place in her overprotective family . Finally the last O ' Shea is going to get her man . Even if the man in question is kind of her brother . What ? Ok he 's not really her brother but he did spend part of his childhood growing up with her brothers and her as the little sister he mostly ignored . Well she 's not a little girl anymore . There are 10 years in age and a different family background between them but Laney and Ryker are attracted to each other . Ryker has been fighting it for years but with one slip up Laney ends up pregnant and that 's when he starts to unravel . He still doesn 't make it easy for her . Loved these two and the build up from previous books makes you salivate to finally see what happens when they do get together . Ryker thinks he owes everything to the O ' Shea 's for taking him on when he was 12 and he 's done a lot for them . They 've fully accepted him as part of the family but even still he thinks he isn 't worthy of Laney . Love the push pull is takes to get him to see the light . There is a thread of suspense in this book and the series as they 've been on search for missing scrolls and someone is hacking in their computers for the business . Enjoyable and thrilling read from cover to cover . A great evenings worth of reading . Jay na Thalang is a demanding , driven genius . He doesn 't know how to stop or even slow down . The instant he lays eyes on Maria Lopez , he knows that she is a sexy distraction he can 't afford . He 's done his best to keep her at arm 's length , and he 's succeeded beyond his wildest dreams . Maria has always been cautious . Now that her once - tiny , apocalypse - centered blog is hitting the mainstream , she 's even more careful about preserving her online anonymity . She hasn 't sent so much as a picture to the commenter she 's interacted with for eighteen months - not even after emails , hour - long chats , and a friendship that is slowly turning into more . Maybe one day , they 'll meet and see what happens . But unbeknownst to them both , Jay is Maria 's commenter . They 've already met . They already hate each other . And two determined enemies are about to discover that they 've been secretly falling in love … This was a new author for me and i loved the blurb so i decided to give this book a try . I enjoyed the idea if the blog and the main characters not realizing they knew each other . It sounded like it would be a fun read . While i liked parts of story it never took off for me . The first chapter was kind of fun and interesting then it was for me just to dark and serio us . To much techy sciencey stuff that was just plain boring . While i get that the relationship between these two characters is intense and complicated it just made me feel sad . I didn 't feel the connection between Jay and Maria unfortunately . I will say the book boasts a lot of diversity with the characters but it might have been a little to much for readers to digest . The romance was just not there . It might work for someone else but for me it just made me feel conflicted and confused . Find out more about Courtney Milan here www . courtneymilan . com Can 't Buy Me LoveIt 's Tag Crane 's job to be the life of the party . Traveling from one exotic locale to another is just part of running the luxurious Crane Hotel empire . But even paradise isn 't perfect . Devising a new business strategy is keeping Tag up at night - and so is the Great Dane barking at all hours in the apartment below his . To muzzle the problem , Tag charges downstairs . . . right into the most beautiful , blond distraction he 's ever seen . Dog - sitting by day , bartending by night . It 's not exactly the life Rachel Foster dreamed of . But when Tag Crane rushes in , all mountain - man shoulders and obscenely sexy smile , needing her help for the Crane Hotels , it 's a fantasy come true . What 's the harm in a fun no - strings fling ? Only a fool would give her heart to a billionaire player like Tag - until suddenly the one man who can 't be caught is the one flirting with forever . . . This is the second book in this series and I LOVED book one and was in entranced with the other two brothers , although Eli was kept more of a mystery in the last book . Tag is this huge 6ft 4 inch guy with long elbow length hair . Are you picturing it yet ? Lots of muscles and sexy as hell . Yeah now you got it i bet . Larger than life is what he is . Rachel Foster is his temporary neighbor while she babysits an acquaintances Great Dane . Problem is the dog doesn 't want to be alone and Tag is the owner of the building and the upstairs neighbor . That means Tag 's got to go and find out what 's up . Rachel 's recently been burned by a man she dated for 2 years . He hurt her emotionally but also professionally when he stole her promotion and she lost her job . Tag is a confirmed life time bachelor what could happen right ? Loved watching these two be there for each other . They clicked for me as soon as they appeared on on the page together . It was fun to watch Tag go from a playboy who wants nothing to do with a permanent attachment to a women to a man who wants it all . He of course blows it at one point only to finally have a epiphany . Rachel lost sense of sFind out more about Jessica Lemmon here www . jessicalemmon . com Lawson Monroe is a chef without a restaurant . . . until his friend and mentor makes a deathbed promise to leave Law the only dive bar on Mimosa Key . Law has big plans for the Toasted Pelican until he walks directly into the luscious body and gorgeous face of Libby Chesterfield and her outrageous claim that the bar and restaurant should come to her . When Libby learned that the man who once owned the crappiest watering hole on the island was actually her biological father , she decided the least he owed her was his unclaimed business . The old man wasn 't there for her when she and her brother were growing up in Barefoot Bay , but his legacy can help her build a new future when she transforms the property into Balance , a yoga studio . The only obstacle ? Her father apparently named former bad boy and current sexy silver fox Law Monroe his heir . Law never thought he 'd want anything more than the chance to make a living cooking his food for the people of Barefoot Bay . . . but Libby arouses an irresistible hunger in him . Battling an attraction that sizzles hotter than one of Law 's cast - iron skillets and uncovering long - buried secrets with more twists than one of Libby 's yoga poses , they 'll have to find a way to both get what they want . . . especially if what they really want is each other . Book 3 in the Barefoot Bay Timeless series kicks off with Lawson Monroe still trying to find out who owns the Toasted Pelican . It 's a bar he 's supposed to have inherited but can 't find the will he needs to prove it in court . He 's been pecking around in the last 2 books looking and coming up empty . He 's about to get a hell of a surprise about who owns it and and a jolt about his good friend who recently passed away . Something as simple as finding a will and claiming the restaurant / bar for his life 's passion turns into a complicated mess . Twists and turns in the hunt for answers are abundant . Libby Chesterfield has been doubting her worth and her faith in men for years and finally gave them up . Law is not that easy to ignore though and when secrets come out he 's the man for support . I love that this series focus 's on men in my age group . There is life and romance after 4o and Roxanne St Claire does a great job showing us just how good it can be . There is so much baggage between Law and Libby is takes a lot for them to sort it all out and just when you think things are going to end well bamm that sneaky author throws a monkey wrench in the story and messes it all up . There 's a HEA so don 't worry about that . If you have read the previous 2 books in this trilogy you might think you know a thing or two about Law and Libby but you really don 't . Even if you have not read a book in this series i think you can pick this up and go with it . Find out more about Roxanne St Claire and her books here www . roxannestclaire . com Bestselling Author Jules Bennett invites readers into Barefoot Bay where two special people are destined to find their happily ever after . She is determined to save him … Escaping to Barefoot Bay was the only way Cara Prescott knew to cope with the devastating news that could end her marriage . Maybe marrying after a whirlwind affair had been a mistake … at least , that 's the excuse she 's giving her husband to justify setting him free . He is determined to save their marriage … Former soldier Tucker Prescott has no clue what sent his wife running back to Barefoot Bay , but he 's not letting her go that easy . He 's never given up on anything and he certainly isn 't starting with the one person who completes him . Cara Prescott is about to discover that her husband is a stronger man than she ever knew … because he 's not about to let her carry this burden alone . This is a quick little read that will only take a evening for ambitious readers to finish . A marriage gone wrong but only one person knows why . Tucker Prescott only received a note from his wife telling him she was leaving and no explanation . Not one to let go easily he knows where to find her in Barefoot Bay . Cara received some devastating news and right after was confronted with her husband 's mother who never really approved of her . Dearest mother in law made everything worse . Cara loves Tucker and only wants the very best for him and decides she 's not it . Tucker is bound and determined to find out what 's got his wife scared and running . He isn 't going to let the best thing to ever happened to him go . Loved Tucker ! I mean who wouldn 't want a man who always puts you first who is always thinking of you . It 's not that Cara doesn 't do the same for him . Money and prestige mean nothing to her . Tucker 's family has both . She 's got a huge secret that she feels will change their lives . In many ways it could if they let it . While i think Cara drags things on a little long i can understand why she does . She doesn 't want to let go and she 's confused . Loved the HEA at the end and would love more Tuck and Cara ! After Alexis Maguire 's wedding day comes and goes without a groom , she decides that it 's time for a change . Tired of being the dependable , steady - and apparently boring - one , Alexis hopes that a cross - country road trip will help her loosen up and find her inner sparkle . Her first stop is the Whisper Creek Ranch , where the hot wranglers are sure to bring out her inner party girl . The trouble is , she can 't stand pretending to be someone she 's not - especially around the cowboy who tempts her to stay put . Gunnar Peterson has spent six months working at Whisper Creek , and he 's never been happier . Having grown up an army brat , he 's ready to put down roots , and the only thing missing is a woman to share his life with . When Alexis blows into town , Gunnar thinks he may have met his match , despite the wild - child facade he sees right through . But Alexis swears she won 't settle down anytime soon - so it 's up to Gunnar to convince her that what she 's looking for . . . is right here . I have not read this author before and the cover and the blurb for this book caught my eye so i decided to give it a try . Alexis Maguire 's track record with men has not been a good one . She thinks she 's cursed . The last bust up came when her fiance leaves her 2 weeks before the wedding via a letter . Her sister Katie helps her come up with a game plan and she decides she 's going to reinvent herself a little and become the fun and exciting one . Heading off to Whisper Creek to be the nurse there for the summer . Gunnar falls for her the minute he sees her . Forced to be a wanderer in his childhood he craves something permanent . He 's a man with a plan for his future . He can totally see Alexis there if he can get her to see what a idiot her ex is . Nothing is easy for Alexis and just when she thinks she 's finally found the right man a family emergency changes everything . I really enjoyed this book . It was a snap to read it flowed so well . Everyone on Whisper Creek is pretty fun and loving and a perfect place to live . Gunnar shows Alexis what love is and is her rock when she needs one . I will definitely want to read this author again and wish i had read the previous book in this series but it is not necessary to in order to read this book . A page turner if you enjoy sweet contemporary romance . The sweetest part of temptation is giving in … Raphael ( Angel ) Coleman and Laurel Sitko were thick as thieves throughout their school years . The unlikely friendship between the rancher 's son and the preacher 's daughter might have gone unnoticed by most , but their shared laughter and connection were the best parts of Rafe 's life growing up . Now that she 's returned to Rocky , he 's eager to move from friend to something far more intimate . After three years away , Laurel 's ready to start over with the gorgeous cowboy who 's always owned a piece of her heart . But when her college ex shows up in town , she 's got a lot more to deal with than expected , including one suddenly possessive cowboy determined to protect her even as he tutors her through every sexual lesson in the book . Desire flares hotter and hotter through stolen moments and willing seduction . But when tragedy strikes , Rafe 's left on shaky ground , his biggest fear now a reality that could tear them apart and rip forever from their grasp . Will the connection forged by time be strong enough to see them through to the other side ? Rafe and Laurel have been friends since the first day they met as kids . In trouble together more than a little often too . After being away from each other for three years Laurel comes back and the two decide it 's time to see where their friendship might lead them . Only problem is Laurel comes back with secrets and a ex - boyfriend follows her too . The majority of this book is filled with Rafe and Laurel finding out if they can have a relationship that 's more than just friends . Each is dealing with family issues and secrets and fears . It 's a nice read until the last 20 % when things get heated and secrets come out and fears become real . Then is sizzles ! Rafe questions whether he 's good enough for Laurel and Laurel finally deals with the past 3 years of her life . Love the Six Pack family and have enjoyed this series over the years since book one . Look forward to finding out Jessie 's story next . Some of his secrets are revealed in this story to Rafe and it 's going to be interesting for sure . Find out more about Vivian Arend and her books here www . vivianarend . com Protecting her life will mean betraying her trust Ainsley Hamilton has always been the responsible one of the family . As the oldest daughter of presidential candidate Buckmaster Hamilton , she 's also a potential target . For months she 's sensed someone following her . When an expedition to scout locations for a commercial takes a terrifying turn , she 's rescued by a natural - born cowboy who tempts the good girl to finally let loose . Sawyer Nash knows just how reckless it is to fall for someone he 's gone undercover to protect . Yet masquerading as an extra on set , he starts to see beneath Ainsley 's controlled facade . And with the election - and a killer - drawing closer , Sawyer stands to lose not just his job and his life but the woman for whom he 'd gladly risk both . I have read one other book in this series . I didn 't realize i did when i requested this book for review . I wish i would have . I 'm sorry to say this book did not work for me . Ainsley is the oldest of the Hamilton kids which are all girls . She 's kind of a mess . Which isn 't the biggest issue . Sawyer Nash is asked to asked to check on her and see if she 's OK . She has a stalker issue and he 's going to try and find out if there is one and catch the guy . I am going to say that the first chapter started off great . Exciting stuff happening in the first chapter . Well this is one of those books that gives you a glimpse of the end and then goes back weeks to what leads up to that end . Getting to that same point toward the end of the book was pure torture to read . That first chapter was the only thing that got me to finish reading the book . It sounded so promising . There was just to much cheesy dialogue and things that were just to out there for me . Do authors or anyone call stolen goods " Loot " anymore ? Would law enforcement call it that ? The blurb makes this book sound like a really good read but unfortunately for me it was a dud . I really wanted to like it . Find out more about this series here www . bjdaniels . com eARC Provided by author through Publisher Expecting her rival 's baby ! Driven businesswoman Eve Winchester has big plans to take her father 's Chicago real estate empire global . But when she ends up pregnant by her family 's personal and professional nemesis , she 's thrown into the shark tank of corporate intrigue . Now she 's doing damage control as she falls even deeper for Graham Newport . Graham has never had such a heated , secret fling . But suddenly Eve is pregnant , and no strings attached turns into the ties that bind . Graham won 't turn his back on what 's his , but will family friction tear apart their fledgling affair ? I have not read the previous books in this series and that caused a bit of confusion for me at the beginning of this book . It took a bit to get into it once i figured out who everyone was . Eve and Graham are having a affair . Only problem is their families are huge rivals . There is some bad blood between the families but Eve and Graham can 't seem to tamp out their attraction for each other . I loved watching Graham fall for Eve . He doesn 't see what 's going on and is almost too late to save things when he eventually screws things up . For whatever reason i really love Graham and Eve . I felt for Eve and her predicament . There are plenty of interesting secondary characters that play into this series as well and it 's fun to find out little by little who they are as well . Left me wishing i had read the previous books in this series . This is Connor 's story . Unstable . Unpredictable . Consumed by perfect rage . I was fighting who I 'd become and what I 'd done . There was nothing I cared about except her . She was mine . But I 'd forgotten her - my shutterbug . And I lost her . Until now . I 'd do anything to possess her again . Anything to keep her safe . Protect her against my biggest opponent . The monster . Me . I got into this series late it seems for every book that came out . Book one definitely hooked me even though at parts i was horrified . I remember thinking oh no this is not for me . Then i kept reading . The series is pretty intense all the way through . Deep and emotional and scary and thrilling . If you followed along to book three you know who Connor is . He 's talked about in book one and two and at times he 's a sweet wonderful guy and other times a straight up terrifying killer . Since there isn 't much of him until the end of book 2 it 's hard to tell who Connor really is . Now in book three we get him and find out as he finds out who he is going to be . Alina was his love . After all they have been through that is the one thing he is still sure of . Problem is everything else . You spend the whole book feeling both their individual struggles . You can feel it . Even with everything we learn about Connor i loved him . There is something about him that stands out for me and i kept thinking , " Come on Connor fight " . Alina had her own set of trauma 's and neither her nor Connor were spared anything in this story . It 's intense and the author puts you right there in the story with them . You can 't beat that . So good . One of the best books and series i have read in a while . Find out more about Nashoda Rose here www . nashodarose . com Sam Leavitt has returned home to Stewart Mills with one goal : to fill in for Coach McDonnell and lead the high school football team to the championship . He doesn 't have time for distractions or commitments - but he 's unable to resist falling for the sexy guidance counselor he shared a hot night with months ago . Jen Cooper knows what she 's looking for long - term , and it 's not Sam - even though the night they shared was explosive . Now , with Sam back in town and working by her side , picking up where they left off is too great a temptation to resist . But before long their fun fling is looking like a future together . And as the championship approaches , Sam is faced with a big decision that will either break them apart - or help them find their way home . Somehow i missed this series . Just happened upon book three and i am glad i did . Sam is the final guy of three former football players that were once on a champion high school team . Each has come back to their hometown and found love except Sam . Sam has been a little resistant . His past has taught him not to trust in love or relationships . Jen Cooper is going to change all that whether he wants her to or not . He doesn 't see it coming . It was fun to watch these two stumble their way through a relationship they didn 't realize they were having . Jen wants Sam to stay but Sam thinks he has to go . So many past situations play into the way Sam acts and you can see him struggle to make peace with all that while cautiously seeing where his fling with Jen is going . I loved the main characters and the secondaries in this story . Certainly makes me want to go back and get the two previous stories in this series . Shannon Stacey always seems to go a wonderful job with her contemporary stories and this one follows all her previous work . I always love the aha moment when that one stubborn character finally figures out they are in love ! A Keeper ! As the daughter of a music legend , Grace Davingham knows all too well what it 's like to be burned by the media 's glare . Now all she wants is to be left to do her painting and conservation work in peace , with no intention of returning to the spotlight . But after she sprains her ankle hiking and a handsome real - estate mogul comes to her rescue , Grace once again finds herself in the public eye . Sexy , successful , and averse to any attachments , Marcus Colby thrives on rigid discipline in order to manage both his real - estate investment company and his personal life . Marc has no time for fun , and no patience for crazy . Which is why meeting Grace - and inheriting an enormous Great Dane who won 't listen to a word he says - has turned Marc 's carefully constructed world upside down . Opposites attract and there are no two people who are more opposite than Grace Davingham and Marcus Colby . Marcus is a uptight guy that plays most everything straight and narrow . Grace is a little bit crazy and definitely artistic and fun . Might be per dad is a famous rocker and her mom and model . Grace was introduced in a previous book but she was pretty secretive until now . She 's come to a small town to escape the pressure of her family and their reality show and city life . She wants some peach and quiet without prying eyes and being burned by so called friends and a man she cared about she 's done with all that . Then she meets Marc . Marc is one of the three men trying to save Briarwood from boredom and give it new life . To be honest there are some awesome silly moments in this book . Marc inherits this huge Great Dane and a house from his aunt who recently passed away . He can 't handle the dog but Grace acts like he 's the sweetest most wonderful dog every . She 's the one who can handle the dog . The dog steals the show a time or two but brings Grace and Marc together too . There is some serious stuff to deal with of course and then there are the doubts . Really this is a well rounded story . I thought perhaps Marc and Grace were to opposite but love can make change worthwhile sometimes . This might have to be my favorite of the three books in the series . One of those books you just can 't put down . It was meant to be a one - night stand . One wicked night with an irresistibly sexy passenger . That 's all Air Marshal Gage Michaels can afford - - his career comes before everything else . Too bad the snowpocalpyse of the century has different plans for him and Abby Winters . Before the night 's over , they find themselves snowed in at the most luxurious hotel in the city . Abby 's scouting job of a NYC penthouse should be quick , simple , and definitely shouldn 't include a sexy - as - hell man messing up the 3000 count sheets that will be featured in her company 's next blockbuster hit . Not when she 's up for a promotion that could skyrocket her entire career in the film industry . Still , she can 't refuse what the weather gods so obviously want her to have . She 'll give in , just this once . Leaving is tougher than either of them could have imagined . But they 're two people who have nothing in common , living on opposite coasts . There 's no way they can ever be together . Right ? I don 't know if i have ever read a book about a one night stand that starts on a airplane before . That was what initially attracted me to this book as it was something for me that was not a typical book for me . I also saw it on the home page of Goodreads . com reviewed by another reader . Air Marshall Gage Michaels is leading a life with a job that is tough on relationships . After his last one ends in disaster he 's done for now . He 's too busy traveling with work and helping his sister raise her daughter . Then he meets Abby Winters on a plane while off duty and things get intense quickly . They connect pretty quick . Abby is trying to make her mark in a high pressure job and that means no fun until meeting Gage tempts her . Throwing caution to the wind they hook up . One night turns into more when all flights are grounded and they are stuck after a snow storm . For me this book started out so good . I enjoyed the writing the characters and the plot . While it was still overall a very good read for me it kind of fizzled in the middle for a bit . There is only so much sex two people can have in a couple days . Much as i love a good sex scene too many is a turn off . Many good emotional scenes through out but the meh parts let me down . The ending brought it back and it finished strong . KaiThere is nothing I care about . No attachments . No connections . Outwardly , I 'm a perfect gentleman . Until my target sees my knife . I fear nothing , not even death . In my world , death is considered a privilege . But my life comes with unbreakable cruel strings and when I met her , I should 've walked away . I didn 't . I was too selfish . And that sealed her fate . Because one week with me led her into the hands of ruin . LondonWe all have unique layers that make up who we are . What makes us vulnerable or strong . What we fear and what excites us . But peel back those layers and you 're left naked and exposed . They did that to me . Each piece was slowly stripped away then burned . I merely existed . But there was one layer they overlooked . The most important of them all - the tie to one man . The man responsible for me being this way . The man who found me . And the killer who would do anything to protect me . Book two in what i understand is a three book series . I stumbled upon book one in this series and knew i had to read it . I was floored by how dark and sexy it was . While there is a HEA for these couples they are hard fought for and never easy . Kai and London also travel a extremely difficult path to get theirs . The characters in this book thoroughly fleshed out that you feel you know them . They hurt and you hurt for them . Both Kai and London have strength although at times they don 't think they do . They feed off each others strength . The dialogue is definitely swoon worthy at times but never cheesy . Heartbreaking and emotional Perfect Ruin us just that a story about two people whose lives have been ruined by others actions but still they are perfect together . An awesome read from page one til the end . In a word " Intense " ! If you are a author and have a book you 'd like reviewed just send me a email with the details . I accept paperback , hard cover or audio books or any format of ebook for Kindle at this time . Email me at Modokker AT yahoo DOT com . At this time I am NOT accepting requests for reviews . I am fully booked for the next couple months . I will remove this message when i am able to accept requests again . Thank you !
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Sam Today was a sad but happy day , the last day . I am just waiting to board the second flight to get home and see my dog , friends , family , and a clean shower . Today started with us waking up at 7 : 15 am and getting everything ready for the travels today . We then loaded the car and headed off to the ferry . We loaded the ferry at 9 : 00 and were off to St . Thomas . Once we got there we got a taxi and went to the airport . When we went to check in and Mrs . Murakami told us that we needed to check into US air and we all were waiting in line and Linda went to check in they told us we were not on a flight for US air and freaked out a little thinking we didn 't have a flight . We soon realized that we were on American airlines and had to go and wait in that line . We then headed to go through customs and security and made it through in good time . We then were sitting waiting for our flight to board and saw these big cameras and realized they were for a celebrity and saw that it was for the show Amazing Race . After a little we saw the other groups getting off a different flight . It was really cool to see this and we all decided that we needed to watch it so we can see if we are in it . We then boarded our flight and were on our way to JFK . We then landed and needed to get food so we decided to get McDonalds . And now we are waiting for our second flight back home . Overall this trip has been everything I wanted it to be . It makes all the bug bites worth it when you see the kids ' faces light up when they do something right . I was especially happy this year with the fourth graders . They were different kids this year . They were the kids you dread to have last year and this year they were what got me through this trip . And when I left they had told me we will really miss you , thank you for teaching me so much . Not that I didn 't love the older kids , you can just see the excitement on the little kids faces and that lights up your day . I have so many memories during this trip I will hold forever . But always remember don 't have tooDay 13 - Friday , our last day of teaching ! Sarah T ' was the last day of teaching , and spirits are low . With home fast approaching , we 're sorry to go . We 'll miss all the children we 've met on this trip . Goodbyes are hard … so are poems , so this is the end of that attempt . Day 13 . I can 't even believe we 've been here for two weeks already . Last night , Ryan , Sam , Linda , the Katies , and I stayed up super late to finish the bracelets we were making for the fourth grade . After about 3 ½ hours of work , we fell gladly into bed . This morning was our last breakfast at Cinnamon Bay ( as always , it was great ) . We turned on the radio when we got in the car , and the same playlist that we 've been listening to every morning started playing . We sang along ( as usual ) , but with more volume and energy than ever before . At school , there were pictures , hugs , presents , and even a few tears ( one of the 4th graders started sobbing on Ryan and I ) . We gave the bracelets to the 4th graders , and they really seemed to like them . My 7th graders , even the ones who cut class the other day , wanted to take pictures with us . I didn 't even know they liked me ! After school , we hit up a spa . The Katies , Linda , Sam , and Emma got some " beachy waves " in their hair , and Ryan , after much persuading , got her hair straightened . Katie B . and I had our eyebrows waxed , because mine resembled caterpillars and something needed to be done . Then , it was time for dinner . Linda and I split shrimp dumplings , a Geisha sushi roll , Shrimp alla Vodka , and Crème Brule . It was all so good . We also got some really cute pictures . Later , we went home and packed , and fell readily into bed . Kinaé gave me a note that I 'm not supposed to open until we get on the plane , and I 'm excited to read it tomorrow . Linda 5 / 30 / 15 was our last day of teaching and our last full day in St . JohnL . Today was bittersweet because although we were eager to go home , we were sad to be leaving our students . The day started off with the eighth graders ; however , only 6 were in class . With the eighth graders , we worked on tDay 12 - Thursday , Be ready for anything Ryan Today was the last day we had some of our classes . The goodbyes were painful but the memories will last forever . These kids showed me not just the appreciative attitude they can show , but the potential they have to offer . I have a theory that the kids who misbehave are just misunderstood . It is hard to accept that these kids are anything but great . Some of the kids even sometimes break down and cry and it shows just how much they have to distract themselves from learning . This trip has been such an experience to discover how different my education and schooling would be . As we exchanged Facebook names with many of these kids we have promised to keep in touch . The students I have with big aspirations for college I will be sure to check back in with . This trip was one of the best experiences I have ever had and working with the kids outweighed all the bug bites . It is hard to go into specifics of everything that happened today because a lot of time was devoted to saying our goodbyes to the kids we have been working with for almost two weeks . It is hard to believe how quickly this has all gone by and as much as I want a warm shower I will miss this so much . A quick side note - I hope you are all loving these blogs because my breakfast was not even the first priority the following morning as posting was more important . Emma Today was our last day of teaching some of the kids . In our 8th grade class , some of the kids did not come because they did not have to go to any classes today . The ones who did show up ( 3 ) worked with me taking apart the old Lenovo computers . They seemed like they were having fun destroying them . Since we did not technically have a class during this period , some of our 4th graders came down and played on the computers with Sarah . She showed them a website called code . org . When class was over we had a long break , so many the girls of our group went to get smoothies and shakes . I stayed behind with the teachers and worked on some lessons . I did not get much done because the 4th graders came bacDay 11 - Wednesday , Individualizing learning Katie M . Today was our second day back after the long weekend , and we continued doing hardware with the 7th and 8th grade classes and moved onto Scratch in the 4th grade . In the 8th grade class in the morning there are only seven of them , so we each had someone to walk through taking apart both the XO computers top and bottom . It is also 8th grade spirit week , so all the 8th graders were in their pajamas and crazy hair today . Although they were in their pajamas , they worked really well and screwed in and out screws , understood the directions , and took apart and put back together the XO laptops and some even moved on to taking apart the tablets or moving on to working on Etoys . After the 8th grade class we had our long break of the day in which Sam , Linda , Ryan , and I walked to Mongoose Junction to eat lunch and buy some souvenirs . We ate at The Sun Dog Café and between the four of us shared two chicken quesadillas and chips and salsa . We also all got our own delicious smoothie . During lunch it started pouring rain and we didn 't think we would make it back to school in time for the 4th grade class , but we made it just in time . Today in the 4th grade we switched from Etoys to scratch . Sarah taught them on the board how to make their maze game , and after we all helped around the room to make sure they finish and understand how to do it . All of the kids that I had were really excited about Scratch and loved making their icon move throughout their maze , but some of Sarah 's kids did not have the same reactions . Overall , Scratch was a good program to move onto in the 4th grade and I am excited to work with the kids on it for the next two days . After the 4th grade we had a break until the 7th grade class . In the 7th grade class we did the same as the 8th grade and took apart and put back together the XO computers . Unfortunately , four girls skipped class and not everyone had the same kids they worked with before . Despite the skipping , everyone else seemed to work really well with the hardware . Overall today was a gooDay 10 - Back at School for hardware disassembly Samantha Today we woke up at 7 : 45 and had to get ready for our first day back to school . We headed up to breakfast at 8 : 47 and then headed to class . We first had the 8th grade A group and it went amazing today . We took apart and put back together the XO computers . After the 8th grade , my cabin went to get smoothies and milkshakes for everyone since they did it last time . When we got back we were sitting outside and were surrounded by all the little kids that wanted to play on our phones . We hung out with them until we had to teach the 4th graders . This is my favorite class to teach because the 4 boys that I am teaching are doing amazing . They feel so special since they get to do other things than the rest of the class and get to use a different program . Today they even asked me to take home the booklet so they could move on . I am so proud of them because last year it was like pulling teeth out to even get them to listen to the directions . But today they worked in Scratch and I made it fun by making a competition to see who could finish a maze the fastest , Christophe finished first . After we class finished we had the 6 graders . With my two girls I worked in Etoys with them . We did animations and stated to draw things for the game . After the 6 graders we had the 7th graders and took apart and put back together the XO 's like the 8th grade class . We then headed to Caneel bay to look at the resort to see if we wanted to eat there the final dinner . It was a very nice mosquito free zone and decided that that 's where we wanted to eat for final dinner . After that we went back to our cabins and relaxed there until dinner because we were too tired to get up from our beds to go to the beach . We then went to dinner and then worked on our lessons for the rest of the night . Linda 5 / 27 / 14 was the Tuesday back from the memorial weekend and the first school day back . We got up at eight and went to breakfast at eight forty five , which is a normal time for us . After breakfast , we drove to the school and soon got to teaching . ForDay 9 - " Me time " Emma Today was a group " me - day " as Katie McGuire would say . I woke up at 10 am feeling refreshed . Breakfast ended at 10 , so since I slept in , I did not have time to go get any . I walked over to the other group 's cabin to see what we wanted to do today . A couple of ideas were thrown around and somehow we ended up with the idea of going to the spa . We wanted a relaxation day today . Sam called the spa place and we set up an appointment . Our appointment was at 12 and it was about 11 when we had called . We planned to leave around 11 : 30 . We asked Mrs . Murakami to drive us to town . At 11 : 30 we left . Sadly , Sarah did not want to come with us , but when we came back and asked her what she had done today she said she had some fun with Mrs . Wood . We walked over to the spa place and looked at their brochure for what to get . I decided to get my toe nails painted and take the gel off of my finger nails . Sam and Katie M . decided to get a 30 minute massage . Katie B . and Linda got manicures and pedicures . They were only 2 people working there today so it was hard to get to all of us . In the end , we had stayed there for 3 hours . It was nice though because they women working there were very nice and gave us good advice . We were so hungry after spending 3 hours in the spa , so we headed down to the restaurant called Ocean Grill . Since it was a me - day , we decided to go all out on our meal . We got appetizers , entrees , and desserts . For our appetizers , Linda and I got the calamari , but we shared with everyone . Ryan got the spring rolls and I tried some of it . It was really good . Both Katies got baby crab cakes , which I also tried and was very good . Sam got bread and oil . I did not try that , but she said it was good . For our entrees , I got an open faced tuna melt . See the photos page to see it . Katie B . and Linda got this too . Katie M . got a Mahi sandwich and Sam got a hamburger . Ryan got fish tacos . For dessert , I got a " build your own sundae . " Again , see the photo on the photos page ! Katie M . had a cloud 9 pie and Katie B . had aDay 8 - Sunday , Sailing and Snorkeling RyanToday was a great day ! We woke up and went to breakfast and then had a little bit of downtime before we went into the town . We went in to the town and found a place to eat lunch before our boat ride . We ate at the Sun Dog Café , and it was excellent . From there we walked a block or two to our sailing location . Once on the boat we had a very relaxing ride . When we arrived at the place to snorkel everyone got on their gear and jumped in . Because I was unable to participate I took quite a few photos of people in the water . The boat was a very relaxing experience and so fun ! We then had to make yet another trip to the store to stock up on food . While we were there we saw one of our students and I realized how much I miss them . I felt so happy being able to see a student on the weekend and was disappointed when I remembered that we had Monday off . I have developed a very different attitude toward education and school on this trip . In one short week I have realized just how lucky I am , and I shouldn 't take that for granted . I cannot wait to get back to teaching on Tuesday and already feel a little sad that this next week is going to fly by . ( Although a bug free shower won 't be the worst thing in the world ) Katie B . Today was a day full of tanning , boating , and snorkeling ! We got to sleep in a bit , but breakfast ended at 10 , so of course we had to wake up and get our French toast . Then all of us grabbed our swim suits and our wallets and went to the town to shop and wait for the boat to take us on a ride . All of us spent our money on cute shirts and ice cream , and then made our way to the dock . Sam , Katie , Linda and I were lying on the front of a boat trying to tan while we sailed . At one point , the boat was tipping to the left a little and I was maybe about a centimeter from falling off the boat into the water … that was a little scary ! : ) Finally we docked near the shore and 3 2 1 we were in our gear and ready to jump in ! The water was beautiful and you could see everything so clearly . There was a lot of breatDay 7 - Saturday , our first day off ! Katie M . Today was our first weekend day of the trip and Sam , Linda , and I used this to our advantage and slept in until 11 this morning . Katie and Emma rented a paddle board for two hours , and Sarah and Ryan hung out on the beach . At about 1 : 30 we all left and drove the restaurant Skinny Legs where we ordered delicious smoothies , hamburgers , and sandwiches . At Skinny Legs , we were looking at our grades , which had just come out , and as a result , we started talking to the people sitting next to us . A man told us some important wisdom - " A " students teach , " B " students work for " C " students , and " C " students rule the world . After the delicious meal we shopped at some of the shops that were near Skinny Legs . They had t - shirts , hats , shoes , dresses , and basically anything a tourist would want to buy . After shopping at Skinny Legs Emma and Mrs . Wood went on a hike and the rest of us wanted to do more shopping , so we drove to Cruz Bay . We shopped there for about an hour where many of us bought the ring that everyone gets when they go on the St . John trip . After a full day of eating and shopping we drove back to Cinnamon Bay to get ready for the night . We got back at about 5 and all of the girls went back to the cabins and took a little nap before dinner . For dinner I had snapper which was very good , Emma had penne pasta with shrimp , and the rest of the girls all had chicken . For desert we had coconut cake . After dinner we went to get wifi for the night then came down to the cabin to write my blog ! Today was overall a great first day of the weekend , and I can 't wait for the next two days ! ! Sam Hello again ! It is finally the weekend and we get to relax . While the other cabin and the teachers woke up early and headed to the beach , our cabin decided to sleep in till 11 . It was really nice to just sleep and relax in the morning . While we waited for Katie B and Emma to finish paddle boarding we decided to just stay in our cabin and relax . After they were done , we went to eat at Skinny Legs in Coral Bay . We gDay 6 - Friday , the end of our first week of teaching Linda 5 / 23 / 14 was another great day . The morning started off in a rush because the resort cook had called in sick and was unable to cook our breakfast . Therefore , we had to wait an extra 20 minutes for our food to get cooked while the resort staff hurried to find on - the - go packages for us to carry our food in while eating in the car . The car drive to the school was very hectic because we had to eat our breakfast while driving up windy roads . Despite this , we overall had a very good teaching day . What made this teaching unique compared to others is that today we had an extra sixth grade class . Because of this , we didn 't have time to go out to lunch so we only got smoothies . Today , as with the other days , we were able to develop many friendships and connections with the students . These relationships will be remembered once we get home and it will help us grow an appreciation for teachers . So far , from teaching I have learned that patience is an important virtue and that understanding how the student learns is an important part of teaching . Today was a Friday so many of the students were eager to leave the school as were we . The ride back home was very peaceful because we were able to see the scenery and to enjoy the air conditioning in the car . Once at Cinnamon Bay , we decided to go to beach and to swim with our new waterproof cases . I was very excited to take photos with the waterproof case because I heard that there were sting rays in the water . Once in the water , I took many underwater selfies and was able to capture a picture of the school of tiny fish swimming by my feet . As a group , we decided to swim out to the reef near the island closed to the bay ; however , we got too tired and soon were eager to swim back to shore . After a long nice shower , we went to the resort patio to eat dinner . We spent the rest of the night making bracelets for our fourth grade class with the string that Ryan brought from home . Overall , today was filled with fun adventures and memorable experiences . Sarah This morning , we ate breaDay 5 - Thursday , our fourth day of teaching EmmaToday I took an extra - long walk to get to the nicer showers . They were pretty much bug - fee . They were so much better than the ones closer to the cabins . It was very refreshing . After getting dressed we headed out to go to the school . We taught the 8th graders again and we helped them finish up their Scratch projects . After they finished we had a show and tell . Everyone went around the room and looked at the other kids ' work . After their class was finished we had a long break . Some of us needed to do laundry so we went to the Laundromat . While our laundry was in the washing machine , we went over to the smoothie place . Today I got a cookies and cream shake . We got our smoothies and headed back over to the Laundromat . Our laundry was done and we put it in the dryer , twice . Our dryer finished and we headed back to the school with 5 minutes to spare . We had to go upstairs for the 4th graders . Today we helped them script their drawings . We had them script the drawings to collect things and have those things disappear . That class was only 40 minutes . When it was over we headed back downstairs to go teach the 6th graders . Only 2 showed up because the rest went to a fair that they were invited to attend . We had Katie M . and Ryan teach the two girls that were there . The rest of us worked on our unfinished lessons . Since I was done I helped tweak other people 's lessons . 7th graders were next and we helped them finish their Scratch projects . Some finished early so we started them on Etoys . When there was 5 minutes left of class we did a show and tell . After that we packed up . We headed over to the grocery store , again . I got more bug spray , the one that actually works , and an underwater camera for when we go snorkeling . After finishing up we went back to the cabins . We got out of the car and went to the front desk to sign up for dinner tonight and breakfast in the morning . When we sign up we write down what food we want for dinner and breakfast . I had a cheeseburger with fries tonight and for tomorrow morning I wrote << Previous
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Sam Today was a sad but happy day , the last day . I am just waiting to board the second flight to get home and see my dog , friends , family , and a clean shower . Today started with us waking up at 7 : 15 am and getting everything ready for the travels today . We then loaded the car and headed off to the ferry . We loaded the ferry at 9 : 00 and were off to St . Thomas . Once we got there we got a taxi and went to the airport . When we went to check in and Mrs . Murakami told us that we needed to check into US air and we all were waiting in line and Linda went to check in they told us we were not on a flight for US air and freaked out a little thinking we didn 't have a flight . We soon realized that we were on American airlines and had to go and wait in that line . We then headed to go through customs and security and made it through in good time . We then were sitting waiting for our flight to board and saw these big cameras and realized they were for a celebrity and saw that it was for the show Amazing Race . After a little we saw the other groups getting off a different flight . It was really cool to see this and we all decided that we needed to watch it so we can see if we are in it . We then boarded our flight and were on our way to JFK . We then landed and needed to get food so we decided to get McDonalds . And now we are waiting for our second flight back home . Overall this trip has been everything I wanted it to be . It makes all the bug bites worth it when you see the kids ' faces light up when they do something right . I was especially happy this year with the fourth graders . They were different kids this year . They were the kids you dread to have last year and this year they were what got me through this trip . And when I left they had told me we will really miss you , thank you for teaching me so much . Not that I didn 't love the older kids , you can just see the excitement on the little kids faces and that lights up your day . I have so many memories during this trip I will hold forever . But always remember don 't have tooDay 13 - Friday , our last day of teaching ! Sarah T ' was the last day of teaching , and spirits are low . With home fast approaching , we 're sorry to go . We 'll miss all the children we 've met on this trip . Goodbyes are hard … so are poems , so this is the end of that attempt . Day 13 . I can 't even believe we 've been here for two weeks already . Last night , Ryan , Sam , Linda , the Katies , and I stayed up super late to finish the bracelets we were making for the fourth grade . After about 3 ½ hours of work , we fell gladly into bed . This morning was our last breakfast at Cinnamon Bay ( as always , it was great ) . We turned on the radio when we got in the car , and the same playlist that we 've been listening to every morning started playing . We sang along ( as usual ) , but with more volume and energy than ever before . At school , there were pictures , hugs , presents , and even a few tears ( one of the 4th graders started sobbing on Ryan and I ) . We gave the bracelets to the 4th graders , and they really seemed to like them . My 7th graders , even the ones who cut class the other day , wanted to take pictures with us . I didn 't even know they liked me ! After school , we hit up a spa . The Katies , Linda , Sam , and Emma got some " beachy waves " in their hair , and Ryan , after much persuading , got her hair straightened . Katie B . and I had our eyebrows waxed , because mine resembled caterpillars and something needed to be done . Then , it was time for dinner . Linda and I split shrimp dumplings , a Geisha sushi roll , Shrimp alla Vodka , and Crème Brule . It was all so good . We also got some really cute pictures . Later , we went home and packed , and fell readily into bed . Kinaé gave me a note that I 'm not supposed to open until we get on the plane , and I 'm excited to read it tomorrow . Linda 5 / 30 / 15 was our last day of teaching and our last full day in St . JohnL . Today was bittersweet because although we were eager to go home , we were sad to be leaving our students . The day started off with the eighth graders ; however , only 6 were in class . With the eighth graders , we worked on tDay 12 - Thursday , Be ready for anything Ryan Today was the last day we had some of our classes . The goodbyes were painful but the memories will last forever . These kids showed me not just the appreciative attitude they can show , but the potential they have to offer . I have a theory that the kids who misbehave are just misunderstood . It is hard to accept that these kids are anything but great . Some of the kids even sometimes break down and cry and it shows just how much they have to distract themselves from learning . This trip has been such an experience to discover how different my education and schooling would be . As we exchanged Facebook names with many of these kids we have promised to keep in touch . The students I have with big aspirations for college I will be sure to check back in with . This trip was one of the best experiences I have ever had and working with the kids outweighed all the bug bites . It is hard to go into specifics of everything that happened today because a lot of time was devoted to saying our goodbyes to the kids we have been working with for almost two weeks . It is hard to believe how quickly this has all gone by and as much as I want a warm shower I will miss this so much . A quick side note - I hope you are all loving these blogs because my breakfast was not even the first priority the following morning as posting was more important . Emma Today was our last day of teaching some of the kids . In our 8th grade class , some of the kids did not come because they did not have to go to any classes today . The ones who did show up ( 3 ) worked with me taking apart the old Lenovo computers . They seemed like they were having fun destroying them . Since we did not technically have a class during this period , some of our 4th graders came down and played on the computers with Sarah . She showed them a website called code . org . When class was over we had a long break , so many the girls of our group went to get smoothies and shakes . I stayed behind with the teachers and worked on some lessons . I did not get much done because the 4th graders came bacDay 11 - Wednesday , Individualizing learning Katie M . Today was our second day back after the long weekend , and we continued doing hardware with the 7th and 8th grade classes and moved onto Scratch in the 4th grade . In the 8th grade class in the morning there are only seven of them , so we each had someone to walk through taking apart both the XO computers top and bottom . It is also 8th grade spirit week , so all the 8th graders were in their pajamas and crazy hair today . Although they were in their pajamas , they worked really well and screwed in and out screws , understood the directions , and took apart and put back together the XO laptops and some even moved on to taking apart the tablets or moving on to working on Etoys . After the 8th grade class we had our long break of the day in which Sam , Linda , Ryan , and I walked to Mongoose Junction to eat lunch and buy some souvenirs . We ate at The Sun Dog Café and between the four of us shared two chicken quesadillas and chips and salsa . We also all got our own delicious smoothie . During lunch it started pouring rain and we didn 't think we would make it back to school in time for the 4th grade class , but we made it just in time . Today in the 4th grade we switched from Etoys to scratch . Sarah taught them on the board how to make their maze game , and after we all helped around the room to make sure they finish and understand how to do it . All of the kids that I had were really excited about Scratch and loved making their icon move throughout their maze , but some of Sarah 's kids did not have the same reactions . Overall , Scratch was a good program to move onto in the 4th grade and I am excited to work with the kids on it for the next two days . After the 4th grade we had a break until the 7th grade class . In the 7th grade class we did the same as the 8th grade and took apart and put back together the XO computers . Unfortunately , four girls skipped class and not everyone had the same kids they worked with before . Despite the skipping , everyone else seemed to work really well with the hardware . Overall today was a gooDay 10 - Back at School for hardware disassembly Samantha Today we woke up at 7 : 45 and had to get ready for our first day back to school . We headed up to breakfast at 8 : 47 and then headed to class . We first had the 8th grade A group and it went amazing today . We took apart and put back together the XO computers . After the 8th grade , my cabin went to get smoothies and milkshakes for everyone since they did it last time . When we got back we were sitting outside and were surrounded by all the little kids that wanted to play on our phones . We hung out with them until we had to teach the 4th graders . This is my favorite class to teach because the 4 boys that I am teaching are doing amazing . They feel so special since they get to do other things than the rest of the class and get to use a different program . Today they even asked me to take home the booklet so they could move on . I am so proud of them because last year it was like pulling teeth out to even get them to listen to the directions . But today they worked in Scratch and I made it fun by making a competition to see who could finish a maze the fastest , Christophe finished first . After we class finished we had the 6 graders . With my two girls I worked in Etoys with them . We did animations and stated to draw things for the game . After the 6 graders we had the 7th graders and took apart and put back together the XO 's like the 8th grade class . We then headed to Caneel bay to look at the resort to see if we wanted to eat there the final dinner . It was a very nice mosquito free zone and decided that that 's where we wanted to eat for final dinner . After that we went back to our cabins and relaxed there until dinner because we were too tired to get up from our beds to go to the beach . We then went to dinner and then worked on our lessons for the rest of the night . Linda 5 / 27 / 14 was the Tuesday back from the memorial weekend and the first school day back . We got up at eight and went to breakfast at eight forty five , which is a normal time for us . After breakfast , we drove to the school and soon got to teaching . ForDay 9 - " Me time " Emma Today was a group " me - day " as Katie McGuire would say . I woke up at 10 am feeling refreshed . Breakfast ended at 10 , so since I slept in , I did not have time to go get any . I walked over to the other group 's cabin to see what we wanted to do today . A couple of ideas were thrown around and somehow we ended up with the idea of going to the spa . We wanted a relaxation day today . Sam called the spa place and we set up an appointment . Our appointment was at 12 and it was about 11 when we had called . We planned to leave around 11 : 30 . We asked Mrs . Murakami to drive us to town . At 11 : 30 we left . Sadly , Sarah did not want to come with us , but when we came back and asked her what she had done today she said she had some fun with Mrs . Wood . We walked over to the spa place and looked at their brochure for what to get . I decided to get my toe nails painted and take the gel off of my finger nails . Sam and Katie M . decided to get a 30 minute massage . Katie B . and Linda got manicures and pedicures . They were only 2 people working there today so it was hard to get to all of us . In the end , we had stayed there for 3 hours . It was nice though because they women working there were very nice and gave us good advice . We were so hungry after spending 3 hours in the spa , so we headed down to the restaurant called Ocean Grill . Since it was a me - day , we decided to go all out on our meal . We got appetizers , entrees , and desserts . For our appetizers , Linda and I got the calamari , but we shared with everyone . Ryan got the spring rolls and I tried some of it . It was really good . Both Katies got baby crab cakes , which I also tried and was very good . Sam got bread and oil . I did not try that , but she said it was good . For our entrees , I got an open faced tuna melt . See the photos page to see it . Katie B . and Linda got this too . Katie M . got a Mahi sandwich and Sam got a hamburger . Ryan got fish tacos . For dessert , I got a " build your own sundae . " Again , see the photo on the photos page ! Katie M . had a cloud 9 pie and Katie B . had aDay 8 - Sunday , Sailing and Snorkeling RyanToday was a great day ! We woke up and went to breakfast and then had a little bit of downtime before we went into the town . We went in to the town and found a place to eat lunch before our boat ride . We ate at the Sun Dog Café , and it was excellent . From there we walked a block or two to our sailing location . Once on the boat we had a very relaxing ride . When we arrived at the place to snorkel everyone got on their gear and jumped in . Because I was unable to participate I took quite a few photos of people in the water . The boat was a very relaxing experience and so fun ! We then had to make yet another trip to the store to stock up on food . While we were there we saw one of our students and I realized how much I miss them . I felt so happy being able to see a student on the weekend and was disappointed when I remembered that we had Monday off . I have developed a very different attitude toward education and school on this trip . In one short week I have realized just how lucky I am , and I shouldn 't take that for granted . I cannot wait to get back to teaching on Tuesday and already feel a little sad that this next week is going to fly by . ( Although a bug free shower won 't be the worst thing in the world ) Katie B . Today was a day full of tanning , boating , and snorkeling ! We got to sleep in a bit , but breakfast ended at 10 , so of course we had to wake up and get our French toast . Then all of us grabbed our swim suits and our wallets and went to the town to shop and wait for the boat to take us on a ride . All of us spent our money on cute shirts and ice cream , and then made our way to the dock . Sam , Katie , Linda and I were lying on the front of a boat trying to tan while we sailed . At one point , the boat was tipping to the left a little and I was maybe about a centimeter from falling off the boat into the water … that was a little scary ! : ) Finally we docked near the shore and 3 2 1 we were in our gear and ready to jump in ! The water was beautiful and you could see everything so clearly . There was a lot of breatDay 7 - Saturday , our first day off ! Katie M . Today was our first weekend day of the trip and Sam , Linda , and I used this to our advantage and slept in until 11 this morning . Katie and Emma rented a paddle board for two hours , and Sarah and Ryan hung out on the beach . At about 1 : 30 we all left and drove the restaurant Skinny Legs where we ordered delicious smoothies , hamburgers , and sandwiches . At Skinny Legs , we were looking at our grades , which had just come out , and as a result , we started talking to the people sitting next to us . A man told us some important wisdom - " A " students teach , " B " students work for " C " students , and " C " students rule the world . After the delicious meal we shopped at some of the shops that were near Skinny Legs . They had t - shirts , hats , shoes , dresses , and basically anything a tourist would want to buy . After shopping at Skinny Legs Emma and Mrs . Wood went on a hike and the rest of us wanted to do more shopping , so we drove to Cruz Bay . We shopped there for about an hour where many of us bought the ring that everyone gets when they go on the St . John trip . After a full day of eating and shopping we drove back to Cinnamon Bay to get ready for the night . We got back at about 5 and all of the girls went back to the cabins and took a little nap before dinner . For dinner I had snapper which was very good , Emma had penne pasta with shrimp , and the rest of the girls all had chicken . For desert we had coconut cake . After dinner we went to get wifi for the night then came down to the cabin to write my blog ! Today was overall a great first day of the weekend , and I can 't wait for the next two days ! ! Sam Hello again ! It is finally the weekend and we get to relax . While the other cabin and the teachers woke up early and headed to the beach , our cabin decided to sleep in till 11 . It was really nice to just sleep and relax in the morning . While we waited for Katie B and Emma to finish paddle boarding we decided to just stay in our cabin and relax . After they were done , we went to eat at Skinny Legs in Coral Bay . We gDay 6 - Friday , the end of our first week of teaching Linda 5 / 23 / 14 was another great day . The morning started off in a rush because the resort cook had called in sick and was unable to cook our breakfast . Therefore , we had to wait an extra 20 minutes for our food to get cooked while the resort staff hurried to find on - the - go packages for us to carry our food in while eating in the car . The car drive to the school was very hectic because we had to eat our breakfast while driving up windy roads . Despite this , we overall had a very good teaching day . What made this teaching unique compared to others is that today we had an extra sixth grade class . Because of this , we didn 't have time to go out to lunch so we only got smoothies . Today , as with the other days , we were able to develop many friendships and connections with the students . These relationships will be remembered once we get home and it will help us grow an appreciation for teachers . So far , from teaching I have learned that patience is an important virtue and that understanding how the student learns is an important part of teaching . Today was a Friday so many of the students were eager to leave the school as were we . The ride back home was very peaceful because we were able to see the scenery and to enjoy the air conditioning in the car . Once at Cinnamon Bay , we decided to go to beach and to swim with our new waterproof cases . I was very excited to take photos with the waterproof case because I heard that there were sting rays in the water . Once in the water , I took many underwater selfies and was able to capture a picture of the school of tiny fish swimming by my feet . As a group , we decided to swim out to the reef near the island closed to the bay ; however , we got too tired and soon were eager to swim back to shore . After a long nice shower , we went to the resort patio to eat dinner . We spent the rest of the night making bracelets for our fourth grade class with the string that Ryan brought from home . Overall , today was filled with fun adventures and memorable experiences . Sarah This morning , we ate breaDay 5 - Thursday , our fourth day of teaching EmmaToday I took an extra - long walk to get to the nicer showers . They were pretty much bug - fee . They were so much better than the ones closer to the cabins . It was very refreshing . After getting dressed we headed out to go to the school . We taught the 8th graders again and we helped them finish up their Scratch projects . After they finished we had a show and tell . Everyone went around the room and looked at the other kids ' work . After their class was finished we had a long break . Some of us needed to do laundry so we went to the Laundromat . While our laundry was in the washing machine , we went over to the smoothie place . Today I got a cookies and cream shake . We got our smoothies and headed back over to the Laundromat . Our laundry was done and we put it in the dryer , twice . Our dryer finished and we headed back to the school with 5 minutes to spare . We had to go upstairs for the 4th graders . Today we helped them script their drawings . We had them script the drawings to collect things and have those things disappear . That class was only 40 minutes . When it was over we headed back downstairs to go teach the 6th graders . Only 2 showed up because the rest went to a fair that they were invited to attend . We had Katie M . and Ryan teach the two girls that were there . The rest of us worked on our unfinished lessons . Since I was done I helped tweak other people 's lessons . 7th graders were next and we helped them finish their Scratch projects . Some finished early so we started them on Etoys . When there was 5 minutes left of class we did a show and tell . After that we packed up . We headed over to the grocery store , again . I got more bug spray , the one that actually works , and an underwater camera for when we go snorkeling . After finishing up we went back to the cabins . We got out of the car and went to the front desk to sign up for dinner tonight and breakfast in the morning . When we sign up we write down what food we want for dinner and breakfast . I had a cheeseburger with fries tonight and for tomorrow morning I wrote << Previous
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Do you ever . . . let your kid ride a bike to the library ? Walk to school ? Make dinner ? Or are you thinking about it ? If so , you are raising a Free - Range Kid ! Free - Rangers believe in helmets , car seats , seat belts safety ! e just do NOT believe that every time school age kids go outside , they need a security detail . hare your stories , tell your tips and maybe I 'll use them in a new book . ere 's to common sense parenting in uncommonly overprotective times ! witter @ FreeRangeKids After 99 - Year Wait , US Will Witness Total Solar Eclipse in August . Link shows if your location will see it . @ ACSH … twitter . com / i / web / status / 8 … 5 hours ago Posted on August 24 , 2010 by lskenazy Hi Readers - Over at Parentdish I wrote a column saying that sometimes you CAN leave your child in the car for a few minutes while you run in to pick up a pizza or pay for gas . Yes , crack the windows . Yes , take out the keys . Yes , always keep your purse or wallet in the back seat so you have to open the back door to get it and be reminded that your child is back there , and make your decisions accordingly . No one wants to see kids forgotten in the car that could quickly heat up , etc . , etc . But I 'm talking about a four - minute errand in a place where you get something and leave . Anyway , here 's a typical response : This is what I call " What if ? " thinking . Not thinking about will PROBABLY happen 99 , 999 , 999 out of 100 , 000 , 000 times . It 's the modern - day compulsion to think of the " worst first " and work one 's way back from it ( the child COULD get kidnapped , so let 's never leave him there ) , giving no credit to the parent who HAS considered the real - world odds and , based on a reasonable risk assessment , decided she can and will trust to fate and probability for a minute or two : " My kid 's asleep , it 'll take me 4 minutes to pay , I can see the car from here - seems fine . " What 's really off , though , for folks like that letter writer , is the " probability " part . Many people have gotten to the point where they really BELIEVE the worst case scenario is very likely to happen in the very next minute to their very child . And that 's why I harp on the way " the media " has changed us parents , for the worse . Nightly , the news will cull terrible stories from literally around the world ( Maddie McCann , Natalee Holloway ) and put these on TV . And if you are fed a steady diet of one tragedy after another , you DO become convinced these are happening " all the time , " because , on TV , they are . And Americans , on average , watch over 4 hours of TV a day - far more time than they spend in the " real world " that is their neighborhood , walking around and getting to know their actual neighbors . And since TV never shows the millions and millions of non - events that happen every day - the children NOT snatched from the bus stop , the 29 year olds who never spent 18 years in captivity - and since people aren 't out seeing normal ol ' non - headline life for themselves , their perspective gets skewed . It 's like they LIVE in the world of TV . And when you 're stuck in that world , everything looks like a potential disaster , including my brain , possibly about to explode , as I try to explain this over and over and then people say , " Fine . But what if it was YOUR kid snatched from the car … " - Lenore Daniel , on August 24 , 2010 at 20 : 39 said : When visiting my grandma as a child , she would leave me and my brother in the car for what seemed like hours ( but was probably more like 30 - 40 minutes ) . She would leave the keys in the car so we could listen to the radio . She would tell us to roll the windows down . She would tell us that if we got too hot we should get out of the car and sit in the grass under a tree . I can 't for the life of me figure out what was wrong with that , but now I 'm terrified of doing anything similar with my kids when they are older ( they are admittedly to young at this point at 2 and 3 yrs old ) for fear I will be reported . We had a friend with 4 and 5 year olds who was 9 months pregnant who could not bear to get the kids in and out of the car for a quick errand . She went into a drug store for all of 4 minutes only to return to find that someone had called the police to her car . She had to hire a lawyer , go to court , and complete mandated parenting classes . This is another side of the coin of assuming the worst in every situation - because people are so shut off from their communities people assume that every parent out there that makes different choices than they would is a child abuser or neglectful parent . Rather than just wait around a few minutes to discretely confirm that the kids will be ok , someone did the " right " thing by calling the cops and adding a huge amount of stress to someone 's life for no reason . Deborah , on August 24 , 2010 at 20 : 44 said : Seems to me that the safest place for a child at a gas station is IN the car ! There are cars coming and going constantly and a child could easily get run over . But , then again , if the child is chained to you , he or she can 't get away . Is there any common sense left in the world ? ( Other than you , Lenore ! ) Vi | LokiTheShiba , on August 24 , 2010 at 21 : 05 said : The only thing I 'd change about the advice is that during warm days , I 'd open the windows all the way down , not just a crack . I mean think about it , why do people only crack the window open ? So that thieves don 't come and steal your car or snatch your children . Well , if you think the probability of that is low relative to the probability of your child being over - heated , then put the windows all the way down . Becky , on August 24 , 2010 at 21 : 06 said : It amazes me that these " what if " people don 't think " what if someone holds the gas station / grocery store / whatever I 'm in while I have my kids in there ! ? They could be shot ! " That 's about as likely to happen as your kids getting kidnapped right out from under you while you pay for gas . The selective " what if " thinking is what really gets me , is what I 'm saying . Either you are afraid of everything that could possibly remotely happen , or you aren 't . Why would you choose some things to get worked up over and not others ? Tara , on August 24 , 2010 at 21 : 06 said : Yesterday I was at the store with my four kids ( 9 , 6 , 5 and 3 ) . I forgot my bank card and had to make a return trip to pay for the groceries . I left the kids in the car for a grand total of 5 minutes ( from the time I left the car , got the groceries , loaded them up and turned the car back on , I timed it . ) I wasn 't nervous about my oldest 's ability to keep his sibs under control and in the vehicle . I wasn 't nervous about them overheating ( it was early in the day , not hot at all ) . I wasn 't nervous about them getting kidnapped or run over in the parking lot ( they 're obedient and when I told them to stay in the car I knew I could trust them to do just that ) . I was nervous about someone seeing me do that and either confronting me on it or calling the police . The first thing I checked when I got out of the store was to see if there was a police car by my van ! Of course they were fine ! Tuppence , on August 24 , 2010 at 21 : 12 said : Checked out the comments ( yikes ) regarding the article at Parentdish and Leonore has my condolences . And deep gratitude , of course , for ' taking the bullet ' in the name of common sense . " The appeal to probability is a logical fallacy . It assumes that because something could happen , it is inevitable that it will happen . This is flawed logic , regardless of the likelihood of the event in question . The fallacy is often used to exploit paranoia . " Source : Wikipedia . Seems to fit the bill . Greg , on August 24 , 2010 at 21 : 16 said : We 're more concerned about the kids freaking out . Our five year - old tends to screech if left alone , despite our best efforts to reassure her . The two year - old could not care less . Fortunately , we have a phone line through On Star , so we 'll usually just call mom or a grandparent while I run in and grab a gallon of milk . If I don 't have direct line - of - sight , I 'll set the alarm on the car . Teresa , on August 24 , 2010 at 21 : 18 said : The first time I got up enough nerve to leave my kid in the car while I paid for the gas , they busted a drug runner with a stolen car at the pump right next to us . LOL . I swear it . I 'm watching the car , I 'm paying for the gas , and all of a sudden here comes this car full of college age people and 4 cops blazing in with lights and sirens and then guns drawn on the car . The cops start hauling people out of the car , tossing the car and the trunk , cuffing and stuffing people and my 9 year old is sitting in our car with the windows down watching the whole thing . I finally get out to her , and we ask one of the officers what was up , which is how we found out what was in the car . My kid is not terrified . She is not traumatized . We went to our suburban playdate and she was the star of the show because she got to witness a drug bust up close . The cop didn 't hassle me for leaving my kid in the car and was more than willing to answer her questions . Gail , on August 24 , 2010 at 21 : 26 said : What makes me crazy with this sort of comment is the way they throw in actual possibilities ( child putting car in gear or leaving car , etc . ) along with the Big Fear . It 's as if they want to throw us off the scent of what 's really bothering them . And it 's true , I suppose , that a parent who believes that predators are lurking around every corner is not capable of using an emergency brake or teaching his children to behave properly in the car . Lihtox , on August 24 , 2010 at 21 : 39 said : My problem with the dissenters is that they think in absolutes : they start with worst - case scenarios , or occasions when it would indeed be a bad idea to leave the kid in the car ( e . g . Phoenix in the summertime ) , and want to make a general rule of it . And because they think in absolutes , they think that Free - Range is about absolutes too : " So you 're in favor of leaving your child alone in the car for an hour in downtown Detroit in the middle of winter with no heat ? " Well no , we 're not . And I wonder if some of this is a positive feedback loop : if you don 't give kids responsibility , then they don 't learn to evaluate risks , which means that you can 't leave them in risky situations . Surely you don 't have to be 12 or 14 to realize that releasing the parking brake is a bad idea , but maybe sheltered kids , who watch too much TV , don 't realize this ? I don 't know . We had a tragedy in my town last week where a 10mo was forgotten in a car ( dad forgot to drop her off at day care before going in to work ) and died . My husband and I have been horrified by the response of the community ( online , not in person ) to a grieving family and a doubtlessly already self - flagellating father . I can 't believe that some people 's first response is to harp on dad , but apparently it is . Kind strangers stopped their car to offer assistance to this small child walking in the rain . Child declined to get in this stranger 's car , so the stranger walked with him a ways . Another parent said , " It 's just as likely some CREEP would have picked him up ! " Uh , no . In fact , what was likely is JUST WHAT HAPPENED - an adult saw a child they believed to be in poor circumstances and tried to HELP . Risk assessment is hard to defend in the face of a mother 's fear of losing her child . lakeline , on August 24 , 2010 at 22 : 40 said : Becky , don 't even kid about that , someone used that as a SERIOUS ARGUMENT with me about leaving a kid in the car . That someone might hold up the gas station while you 're in it and then your kids would be alone in the car for longer . I was like " I 'd rather have them at a lower risk of being shot if we 're going to go down that logical route … " I mean worst case scenarios are just becoming beyond absurd when it involves children . EricS , on August 24 , 2010 at 22 : 46 said : @ Becky : You took the words right out of my mouth . Ignorance and stupidity are the only reasons for " selective ' what if 's " . What if someone broke into your car and kidnapped your kids , what if there was a gas leak and the gas station blew up , what if lightning suddenly hit out of nowhere and struck the gas pump and blew up the gas station , what if your child woke up this morning and tripped on one of his toys . What if 's . That 's so infinite . You can come up with a 1000 ways for things to happen . Does it mean it 's possible … yes . Anything is possible . Is it most likely to happen to you at that given day … no . The only sure fire way to protect your child , IS TO NOT HAVE ONE . That way , all the " what if 's " will never apply to your child . I don 't get why people have children only to put themselves and their child through this terrible ordeal of fearing everyday about almost everything . I don 't know about anyone else , but that 's not how life should be . All I can say , is that ignorance begets ignorance . Negative energy can only bring negative outcomes . That sometimes , people like this actually bring it upon themselves to make bad things happen to them . And as I always say , parents like this are nothing but selfish . Because no matter how they paint it or dress it up , their fears are primarily about them , NOT their children . Their overwhelming desire to quell their own fears makes them treat their children so destructively . Yes , helicopter parents are destructive towards their child 's mental and emotional well being . They just haven 't gotten it in their thick skulls yet . Because either they don 't realize it or don 't want to , but the outcome will be much more apparent as the children get older . But buy then , it 's become part of their personality , that you can 't change it anymore . And your child will be too afraid to change themselves . Silver Fang , on August 24 , 2010 at 22 : 53 said : My mom started leaving me alone in her car when I was about ten or 11 . I listened to the radio and nothing bad happened . I doubt a few minutes alone in a car will harm a child as long as they 've been taught not to play with the gear shift and the steering wheel . jkruofa , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 01 said : Well , hey . I 've got one for you . I have a book titled " Death in the Canyon " . It 's about all the deaths that have happened at the Grand Canyon over the years . In one instance ( out of sveral hundred ) an adult couple got out of their car to take in the view . They left their two sleeping children in the car , but didn 't turn on the emergency brake . The car rolled into the canyon . The children died , of course , b / c it was a 4 , 000 ft drop . The year was sometime in the 1950 's . It hasn 't happened since . Should I freak out now whan I take my son to the Grand Canyon this Christmas ? ? To be labeled bad parents , getting called in by the police , mandated parenting classes . Most parents would be more than willing to be pragmatic , if not for society as a whole putting undue pressure onto them . No wonder parents worry so much . Worry about the children and their safety , but also about their own accountability and staying within a narrow lane that scared people thing ought to be done . Tate , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 07 said : My mother left me in the car all the freaking time . She didn 't just leave me , though , she also left me in charge of my four younger siblings . She left me as early as about 9 years old with whatever collection of siblings had been born at that time . Places She left Us : In rural Mass , in the summer , outside the fabric store for up to 45 minutes ( It felt like forever ) . We tended to whine an complain when we went in with her and who wants to hear that when you 're fabric shopping . We got the windows down , but rarely any radio for fear of running the battery down . Occasionally when I thought the group I was watching was getting really antsy I 'd send in the oldest ( so , a five year old ? ) to remind her to get moving . She also frequently left us in the car as it was double parked in front of Fairway in NYC . There was never any parking and what , we were just not going to eat ? The idea of taking 3 - 5 kids inside the 72nd st . location ( That 's all there was at that point ) is a hideous one . I was put in the driver 's seat , the car was on with blinkers and I was given clear instructions . I was to keep the doors locked at all times . I was to let No One in , including the police . If the cops did come by I was to say my mom just ran to the garbage can to throw something out and then I was to honk the coded honk that to meant anything from " The cops are here " to " someone needs to get out of their spot " . I never used the coded honk . I never got caught in any gears . And none of the kids / babies that were left in the car with me ever suffered in the slightest . I don 't know that I can even go over to Parentdish . Their comments make me want to stab myself with a fork . Dave , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 18 said : Thanks again for emphasizing the fact that everything we do has risk and that we need to take the odds into consideration when making decisions . You always make the point that children need to be outside more and I totally agree , but I am coming to the conclusion that maybe the parents need to get out of the house more and walk the neighborhood and sit in the park to learn what life is like . They are the one 's as you point out are spending too much time before the TV and have a warped sense of what life is like . Christine , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 19 said : @ tate , parentdish makes me twitchy . I was loving the comparison of leaving your child in a pool to leaving them in a car . Because my car is filled with water . Even free rangers feel that pressure , right ? We 're worried about what other people will think of us as parents . We want everyone to know that we 're responsible , concerned , and involved . I think many parents get into this herd mentality about all of these " dangers " because to do otherwise might suggest that they didn 't love their kids as much . pentamom , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 25 said : " It amazes me that these " what if " people don 't think " what if someone holds the gas station / grocery store / whatever I 'm in while I have my kids in there ! ? They could be shot ! " That 's about as likely to happen as your kids getting kidnapped right out from under you while you pay for gas . " Because the operating assumption is that if your kids are " with you " they 're always safer , no matter what , than if they 're not with you . It doesn 't bear two seconds ' examination , because parents are not omnipotent in our ability to protect our children from harm , but that 's what 's behind the " logic " of it being safer to drag your kids out of the car , maybe into the cold , across the parking lot , into the store , where holdups happen , rather than leave them in the car , safe from being run over , in a place where carjackings happen but at a grossly lower rate ( and only if the person with the keys is at hand . ) It 's also why it 's safer to drive your kids to school than let them take the bus , and so forth . cookiemonsta , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 30 said : I leave my kids in the car all the time to run into shops . I only do it for shops that the parking is directly outside , but I do it a lot . I normally have the windows all the way open , but I take my bag and the keys with me . Only problem the kids have is that since I take the keys , they don 't have the radio playing . A visible handbag , a running vehicle , or keys dangling from the ignition are much more enticing than four energetic children . If anything takes longer than I expect , I duck back out to the car , make sure all is good , chat while we wait . Most shops we visit know my routine and will wave out the window at me whenever things are ready . Must admit , it is possibly easier for me to remember I have kids with me , as I 'm rarely without at least one . Brandon , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 38 said : I see absolutely nothing wrong with leaving the kids in the car for a short errand like that . I week or so ago , I went to pickup takeout we had ordered for lunch , and had both of our kids with us ( 3yo son & 9mo daughter ) . For a brief moment , I considered bringing them in with me , but realized it would take longer to get them in and out of the car than it would to actually pickup our food and pay . cookiemonsta , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 39 said : Oh , and yeah that Parentdish site is scary . Those people must have some hellishly nervous dispositions , eyes flicking back and forth constantly looking for danger . It 's very sad to see people be so scared of simply living . Really ? ? While I 'm sure that these things have indeed all happened ONCE , they are certainly not something that we need to fear . The people on parentdish seem incapable of seeing the difference between forgetting you have a sleeping baby in the car long before you reach your destination and making a conscious choice to leave a child in the car for a few minutes . The first almost always leads to tragedy ; the second almost never . KarenW , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 48 said : Yeah , the swimming pool comparison was something else . Would I leave my kids next to a pool for a few minutes ( if they couldn 't swim ) ? Yes I would , because at ages 7 and 10 they would absolutely know better than to jump into the pool . I would not leave a toddler by a pool , but I also would not leave the same toddler in the car even for a minute unless strapped in a car seat and sleeping . Larry Harrison , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 51 said : Lenore , I want to make sure you hear me loud & clear - you are RIGHT and I applaud your courage in posting this against the tidal wave of " LEAVING YOUR CHILD IN THE CAR EVEN FOR FIVE SECONDS IS ABUSE YOU MORONS ! ! " posts that are sure to follow . Don 't waver , my dear friend - you are right , and you know it . Don 't back down ! I leave my 1 year old and 3 year old in the car ALL the time for SHORT periods when we , say , are at a garage sale . The car is off - the - road , in the shade , the windows are cracked , we 're in a person 's private yard , we 're at close - range , and frankly - yes , I would like a little convenience thank you . I will NOT apologize for factoring convenience into the equation . Convenience matters . It doesn 't trump safety but it does matter . Try taking the children in & out of the car for every single garage sale you go to ( it can be 5 - 8 or so within an hour period ) and see how quickly you tire of it . ( Gretchen ) at the ParentDish column is absolutely right . Anyone who would call CPS or the police even for a brief 1 - minute gasoline stop , such people are busybodies and - maybe Lenore doesn 't agree with me saying this and I hope I 'm not wrong in saying it - but frankly , such people are people whom I have the absolute highest level of contempt for . I cannot and will not regard them as " concerned citizens who only want the best for your child . " They are busy - bodies who do not respect the fact that the PARENTS are the ones who are supposed to make the decisions about such things , and that , unless you 're rescuing a child bruised - up from being smashed upside the head with a wood plank , you are butting your nose in where it doesn 't belong and it is not welcome at all . And , in my opinion , they are not to be appeased or treated nicely - they are to be defeated and put in their place , and told where they can stick it . They need to hear it straight from the parent 's mouth - my child , my business , NOT any of yours at all . Parent your own children , madam or sir . EricS , on August 24 , 2010 at 23 : 57 said : @ Dave : LOL ! ! That thought slipped my mind . Some parents act just like children , so why not treat them like that till they " grow up " . Teach them , so they in turn can properly teach their children . Margaret , on August 25 , 2010 at 00 : 11 said : I leave my kids in the van all that time . If it 's summer , I leave the air conditioning on , and if it 's winter , I leave the heat on . So yes , I even leave it running , though obviously I take the key fob or spare key and lock the vehicle . I started when my youngest was a baby when I would run into the post office . It only took a few times of hauling his car seat in and out for me to be done with that , especially as it was particularly difficult to get it locked in place when I put it back in the car . Now my kids are 7 , 5 and 2 , and there are many times when they don 't WANT to come in the store with me , so I go and get groceries or whatever and let them stay in the van and watch a movie or sleep or whatever . I live in a small town kind of place , so I 'm not really concerned . I 've even done it a few times in the city if I needed to run into a store to get something ( as opposed to walk around looking at everything ) . My only concern from reading this stories is that I read a study at some point that said if you crack the windows on a hot day , it does not make any appreciable difference in the temperature inside the vehicle . So I think if you are leaving the kids in the vehicle on a hot day , you need to either leave it running with the a / c or open the windows ALL the way . I think vehicle off and window just cracked is a much greater risk than vehicle running , locked , with a / c . After all , there is only a slight risk that someone will come along and break down the windows and steal my vehicle , but there is a 100 % risk that the vehicle is going to get hot in the summer ( though I am NOT saying a 100 % risk that your child will be harmed from being in a warm vehicle , but things happen ) . As for paranoia - when my first was a baby , I used to worry about what would happen if I was taking him to the vehicle and slipped on the stairs and was knocked unconscious or killed and he was left outside for hours until my husband came home ( we live on a farm , so nobody would pass by and rescue him ) . I still left the house , but I used to think about that . Realistically , that was a much bigger risk than leaving him in a vehicle in town where other people would be around . Margaret , on August 25 , 2010 at 00 : 18 said : Oh , and when I said the thing about 100 % risk of vehicle getting hot , things happen , I do not mean that things of a deadly nature happen . Just things happen when you think you will only be a minute and then you take longer than you thought ( really long checkout , chatty person you can 't seem to escape from ) , and the child could get very uncomfortable in the hot vehicle . Not saying they will DIE if you do it . Lindy , on August 25 , 2010 at 00 : 23 said : I leave my 4 y / o in the car when I pay for gas , always have , even when she was a newborn . People have got to get a grip and stop living in fear . I also take my daughter with me when I go to restaurants . We cycle to arks through busy city streets . Exposure to these things have made her behave appropriately . It 's a pleasure to do these things with her . I look forward to the day when she is old enough to walk to and from school alone . These molly - coddled children will one day run the world - then we all need to be afraid . Roberta , on August 25 , 2010 at 01 : 00 said : I totally agree with the general tone of these comments , but I do wish to reiterate the importance of taking the keys out . Up here in the frozen north ( Edmonton , Alberta ) it is common for parents to leave their car running in the winter if kids are in it - and there have been a couple of cases recently where the cars were stolen . One child was driven around for a couple of hours before the underage car thief finally parked the car and called the police to tell them where it was . A running car is really an invitation to a car thief . And frankly , even at - 30 C , it takes more than a few minutes for a car to really get cold . If your child is properly dressed ( IF ! ) they can sit in an unheated car long enough for you to pay for gas . EricS , on August 25 , 2010 at 01 : 21 said : @ Susan : True , but even in that case it 's still a case of another fearful parent ( or person ) acting on THEIR fears . When it comes down to it , it 's all about FEAR controlling people 's lives , rather than THEMSELVES controlling their own lives . Don 't get me wrong , we all have fears to some degree or another , but it 's how we let it affect us is what matters . And with these " rats " , unless the child is obviously in imminent danger , or you actually see the parent abusing the child , mind your own f ' n business . They don 't realize by ratting out on parents they have know idea about , can affect what the child goes throw after the fact . eg . parent goes to jail , or god forbid the child gets taken away . What do you think will happen to the child then . They never think of the consequences of THEIR actions . EricS , on August 25 , 2010 at 01 : 33 said : Thanks for sharing Mornington . Indeed … a victory for " common sense " . However this still shows the ignorance and single mindedness of some people . With all the cases of Priests , Teachers , Coaches , Babysitters molesting children under their care , who 's to say these Flight Attendants aren 't guilty of doing the same thing . But now , with the change of BA 's policy , these children are now being segregated to a separate area of the plane . Away from watchful eyes of the other passengers . Who knows what the flight attendants are doing . I don 't believe that of course , but I was just illustrating that you can put a spin on different things to make it look bad . My take , you don 't treat the child any different , he / she sits where he / she sits . If it 's beside a lone man ( or woman ) , so be it . They are in open space for all to see , one would have to be insanely stupid to try anything to harm the child , which includes the flight crew . This not only protects the child ( mentally , emotional and physically ) , but it also prevents from cases like this from happening . Keeping airlines out of the courts . COMMON SENSE . How are hard is that to grasp . We all have it , it doesn 't cost a thing , and is easily accessible and deployed . People just need to use it more . So one day he went inside a flower shop to pick up a bouquet for our cousin 's b - day party . He parked on a slight slope . My brother put the car out of gear and we rolled back and hit the other parking space behind us , wheels bounced and we then rolled forward into the aisle . Imagine his surprise when he came out , and the car was in the middle of the parking lot out of its spot . bmj2k , on August 25 , 2010 at 02 : 09 said : " Car thieves and child abductors lurk " I would hate to live in this person 's world , where behind every rainbow lurks the dark shadow of a criminal . On the other hand , " move to the front and put the car into gear . " I actually did that when I was 8 years old . The car rolled six inches and bumped into the curb , no damage . When people spout nonsense , I wish others would dare them to back it up with facts . MommyMagpie , on August 25 , 2010 at 02 : 18 said : totally agree that it is due to parents ' fear over what other adults will think , or fear of being reported for ( perceived ) neglect , that makes a mom haul her 3yo , 19mo , and newborn out of three carseats to go pay for gas , waking up the two youngest in the process . I 'd do things differently now . When did society stop believing that parents know best for their kids ? I know some 13 - year - olds that aren 't capable of being at home by themselves , but on the other hand I know 8 - year - olds who would do just fine . We need to help and support our neighbors and fellow citizens , not rat them out . pentamom , on August 25 , 2010 at 02 : 26 said : FWIW , just to clarify , I wasn 't saying that it 's necessarily wrong to leave the keys . But in some cases , with some kids who are less predictable and less inclined to follow instructions ( e . g . , " Don 't touch the keys , the windows , or the gearshift " ) it might be wise to take them . If it 's super hot or super cold , that means leave the windows open and don 't waste time completing the errand . So that 's what I meant about people not even trusting themselves to be smart enough to know what 's safe . If the person who fears the child getting stuck in a power window that 's a sufficient reason not to leave the kids in the car , she 's as much as saying that she 's not smart enough to take the keys with her . LauraL , on August 25 , 2010 at 02 : 30 said : Pentamom , that 's what I would classify under the " know your child " in risk assessment . Is he capable or not ? Then decide what the best course of action is based on who , where , what , why , when . EricS , on August 25 , 2010 at 02 : 33 said : Leppi … what " advice " are you referring to ? You don 't need more than one child or any for that matter , to use common sense . I don 't have kids myself , but I have my nephew . I treat him like he was my own . I 've even got my sister to start a Free - Range thinking . After all that 's how we grew up . Guess what , I couldn 't more proud of my nephew . At 4 years old , he 's more learned , more confident , very intelligent , and savvy kid . He even corrects and watches out for other kids ( some older ) , and even his own parents , by pointing out what they are doing wrong and what can happen . He even repeats what we have taught him . ie . what can happen if he 's not buckled up in the car . So whenever he 's put in the car , he tells us " buckle up , or you might fall out of the car . " Now , I don 't usually put my seat belt on when I 'm in the backseat , and he 's gotten mad at me when I ride in the back with him . So I buckle up now with him the car . lol Of course we only teach him practical things and useful things . Not the paranoid stuff other parents shelter their kids from . You can leave as many children in a car by themselves for a few minutes , as long as they understand what they ARE NOT suppose to do while they are alone . Children are curious by nature , so if they aren 't taught about consequences , they are more inclined to do things out of curiosity . It all starts from the parent , how you raise and teach your child is what they will keep with them . If one is ignorant in how they raise their children , a very good chance the child will grow up ignorant ( thinking that it 's normal ) . Plenty of those kids have grown up to be adults , and a lot of these adults deserve bitch slaps . lol Heather , on August 25 , 2010 at 02 : 41 said : I have a remote start in my car , so whenever I leave my daughter in the car for a couple of minutes , I lock the doors and , taking the keys with me , start it remotely after setting the AC or heat as current conditions require . My daughter is old enough to take care of herself ( to adjust the heat , to unlock and open the door and get out in the case of an emergency , etc . ) but in the meantime , she is safely locked inside a climate - controlled car ( that will not actually drive anywhere until the keys are back in the ignition ) . Oh , and she has a cell phone , so that she can contact me or call 911 if she needs to . And when it 's 103 degrees out yet nicely air conditioned in the car , or when it 's snowing and hailing outside and yet toasty warm in the car , it would be absurd for me to drag her outside for a quick run inside the convenience store . SKL , on August 25 , 2010 at 02 : 43 said : I 'm with those who feel that sometimes it 's safer to leave the kids in the car than to take them with you . It 's not like kids never get run over in parking lots , etc . Especially with the way car seats are made nowadays ( very hard for wee kids to unbuckle ) , there isn 't much mischief they can get into if you lock the car and take the keys . I know , wasn 't that comment ( unintentionally ) hilarious ? I loved the last one - found the gun you store in your glove box and shoots himself in the face . Note to self . . . next time remember to take gun out of the glove box and bring it with me into the store when kid 's in the car while I go pay for gas . sonya , on August 25 , 2010 at 03 : 01 said : As kids my brother and I were left in the car a lot . However , one lesson I learned from that was - never leave anything which might tempt a thief in the care of your children . Admittedly this was in a developing country , but I remember valuables being stolen from the car twice while we were in it - once we didn 't even notice ( I think we were busy having a sibling squabble ) , another time the thief very politely said " tell your parents I 'll look after these for them " , opened the door and left with a camera . We had to have windows down because it was hot , hence thieves had easy access to anything . So now I prefer ( a ) to be in sight of the car ( b ) to have windows up almost all the way ( c ) doors locked ( d ) definitely no keys in the ignition . There was a period , between kids learning how to undo seatbelt but before they became more responsible , when I wouldn 't leave them alone at all . Being in sight of the car is also because I 'm scared of busybodies / cops . At our local gymnastics school , the police put up a big sign stating that any parent who left a child in the car , while dropping off another child at class , would be arrested , no matter if it was for only a few seconds . ( Well so being in sight wouldn 't prevent arrest , but at least I could run out and drive off if I saw the cops drive up , hopefully before they noticed there was a child in the car ) . Ted , on August 25 , 2010 at 03 : 38 said : First of all … regarding the fear of kids being trapped in power windows in a car … that 's one that is real ( or was ) but only in specific circumstances . If you take the keys , then the windows won 't work . Also , all cars manufactured for sale since 2008 have to be designed so that the power windows are " resistant " to being accidentally activated in such a way as to cause them to close . I remember the old GM system where there was a simple rocker switch on the armrest - push the switch forward toward the front of the car and the window would close , pull it back toward the rear of the car and the window would open . I also think that many parents take it one step further : they attempt to fully control the situation , even though that 's impossible , because they 're trying to assuage their own potential guilt should one of the " what ifs " actually occur . Driving ( safely ) with the kids buckled in and getting slammed by a drunk driver ? Not their fault . Leaving the kids in the car and something awful happens ? They blame themselves , because they weren 't " in control " and couldn 't do anything to stop the awful thing from happening . ( Never mind that , if you 're hit by a drunk driver , you 're no longer " in control , " nor could you prevent THAT from happening … ) A friend of mine who is , by all accounts , so * not * a helicopter or overprotective parent , refuses to leave her children ( ages 4 , 5 . 5 , and 9 ) in the car alone , even for one minute , for that exact reason : if they 're with her , she feels she can control the situation , and if something happened , she 'd at least feel she tried ( to help prevent it ) . If they 're not with her and something terrible occurred , she 'd never forgive herself for making that choice . On one level , I think we all can identify with that line of thinking . Most of us hold onto particular fears , however irrational , that occasionally affect how we run our lives , parent our children , etc . Perhaps your best friend choked on a grape when she was a kid , and so , even though you recognize that you 're probably overreacting and being absurdly cautious , you cut grapes into bite - sized pieces for your 3 year - old while thinking nothing of allowing her to suck on hard candy or eat hot dogs , each of which likely poses an equal choking risk . Personally , I have an irrational fear of fans catching fire because one did so in my brother 's room when we were little . And so , although I know it makes no logical sense , I don 't allow fans to be running overnight in my girls ' rooms - not because I actually think they WILL catch fire , but because if they DID , I 'd never forgive myself . Of course , I 'll allow a fan to run all night long in my OWN bedroom , and we have a gazillion other electronic gadgets plugged in which are , surely , equal fire hazards … So I realize that my fear is based on nothing rational , and that I 'm being silly … But I continue to act upon it , nevertheless . So , if a parent was just " too nervous " to leave their kid in the car , even for a moment … I can probably understand … And I can even become understandING when that parent * recognizes * that the nerves aren 't based on logic , and recognizes that taking a kid through traffic or out in poor weather might be even LESS safe than leaving the kid in the car … but simply cannot get over their own knowingly silly and irrational fear , so they don 't leave their children in the car . I 'm much less understanding when parents " support " their fears with faulty logic ( " Children are abducted from care every day ! ! " ) . And I become downright angry when those parents make sweeping statements that either condemn those of us who DO leave our children alone ( " It 's never safe , period , and anyone who thinks so is a moron ! " ) or that allow no room for other choices to be made ( " You 're leaving your kids in the car ? Wrong . Just plain wrong . No excuses . " ) . If you don 't want to leave your children unattended for a few minutes in the car , whatever your " reasoning " behind that is , no problem ! Take ' em with you . But don 't condemnand judge those of us who DO leave them for a few minutes , especially if the points you make to support your so - called arguments aren 't based in any kind of reality . And if you see a kid alone in a car and it makes you nervous , for heaven 's sake , WAIT before calling the damn cops ! Stand around for 5 minutes and see if anyone comes outside - and then , if you 're STILL uncomfortable , TALK to whoever approaches . NICELY . If no one arrives , try to find the adults in question ! Cop - calling should only be done in the MOST EXTREME of circumstances , and where you 're absolutely CERTAIN that the parents are nowhere to be found . That 's the ONLY thing that makes me nervous about leaving my children unattended in the car : nosy busybodies who have no idea what they 're talking about calling the police . I leave my kids all the time - in safe places , where I can see the car , no keys in the ignition ( not 100 % sure my kids wouldn 't unbuckle and try to " drive " a car with the keys inside … ) , when the temperatures cooperate , when I know I 'll only be gone for a few minutes , etc . , etc . , etc . Each time I leave them , I 'm making a well - reasoned - through decision , and I always believe that it is ultimately SAFER and BETTER than to bring them with me . Becky , on August 25 , 2010 at 03 : 59 said : " If you don 't want to leave your children unattended for a few minutes in the car , whatever your " reasoning " behind that is , no problem ! Take ' em with you . But don 't condemnand judge those of us who DO leave them for a few minutes , especially if the points you make to support your so - called arguments aren 't based in any kind of reality . And if you see a kid alone in a car and it makes you nervous , for heaven 's sake , WAIT before calling the damn cops ! " And like others have mentioned … I do not worry about my kids AT ALL . I 'm just worried about the others who are worried about MY kids . Get a life . Erica , on August 25 , 2010 at 04 : 34 said : I 'm so afraid of leaving my kid in the car for even a second , and it 's not because I think she 's going to be kidnapped , tortured , or killed by the non - heat in my area . I 'm afraid because I think the state I live in houses the largest number of parenting Nazis . After grocery shopping and putting groceries in the car I once left my kid in the car to put the cart in the cart return area that was about three stalls down . A guy came to me and took the cart , " so you don 't have to leave her in the car alone " . I 'm not f * cking kidding . Three car stalls down . Christine , on August 25 , 2010 at 05 : 14 said : I don 't know , Erica . I pretty frequently offer to take back a cart for older people , or people juggling a passel of kids . It 's not because I think they * shouldn 't * … . it 's because I was raised in a wee small little town , and that 's just what we do . Is there a law where you live , where you are not allowed to leave your child in the car while you walk your other kids to class , pick up a parcel , or pay for gas ? If there isn 't , tell that cop to mind his own business and do his job by catching real crooks . If so … WOW . The lawmakers in your state must be helicopter parents . Which kinda scary , considering you have paranoid people running the state . That 's like leaving a really nervous , twitchy guy in charge of pressing the self destruct button , and he already has his finger an inch away from the button . lol Vanessa , on August 25 , 2010 at 06 : 25 said : My daughter 's almost 12 , and I still get a little twinge of worry that someone will call the cops on me for letting her stay behind while I go into the supermarket to get milk . I do it anyway , because it would be dumb not to , but I always wonder what I 'm going to find upon my return . ( So far , I 've never found anything but her sitting there , listening to her iPod and looking bored in that special way that only preteens can . ) I now live in Wyoming in a very small town . I routinely leave the keys in the car while I go in to get the mail ( no doorstep delivery out here ) and even leave it running with our baby inside while I do so . No busybodies " turn us in " for this . In fact , quite often I come out to someone looking in the window making faces at my daughter . Including the town cop just yesterday ( our 7 month old gives big , bubbly , beaming reactions , so people love doing this ) . Kids here run free . The crime rate is so low that a thrown punch at the town bar becomes headline news every year when it happens . Most homes don 't have bolt locks on the door . Our security system consists of three units with four legs and an alarm that sounds like " woof . " Vanessa , on August 25 , 2010 at 08 : 22 said : And on another note , I just got a voice mail from Daughter 's school stating that this year , to ensure students ' safety , no parent will be allowed on campus after the morning flag salute unless they 've been cleared by the Department of Justice . Seriously ? This is her seventh year at this school , and suddenly I can 't be on campus ( not even working with kids , just physically present inside the gate ) until I get fingerprinted ? Donna , on August 25 , 2010 at 08 : 41 said : @ Tuppence - My favorite was the first one . Made me remember how grateful I am that my child is not in the car every time it spontaneously combusts . If cars suddenly bursting into flame is something that happens regularly in that lady 's neighborhood , I don 't want to visit . Andy , on August 25 , 2010 at 08 : 43 said : I am not a parent , but will probably be one some day . As a child , I remember being left in the car as my parents paid for gas , and got us drinks . I also remember a story being told about me and my sister somehow getting the car out of gear ( manual ) and the car rolling down a hill in a parking lot / shopping center . I think we might have even had the presence of mind to try and raise the E - brake . 🙂 My wife has similar stories , and her little brother ( who has now graduated college , and gotten his first job ) being smart enough to escape his child seat when he was hot in the back seat . RobC , on August 25 , 2010 at 08 : 45 said : " And on another note , I just got a voice mail from Daughter 's school stating that this year , to ensure students ' safety , no parent will be allowed on campus after the morning flag salute unless they 've been cleared by the Department of Justice . Seriously ? This is her seventh year at this school , and suddenly I can 't be on campus ( not even working with kids , just physically present inside the gate ) until I get fingerprinted ? " What if you need to pick your child up early from school and they have not yet cleared you ? Must they escort her to the front gate ? Will they take her to the orthodontist for you since you can 't pick her up ( might be worth not getting the clearance for that ) ? Aimee , on August 25 , 2010 at 08 : 49 said : My children are 5 , 3 , and 3 and as long as I can see my van from the store window I leave in the van . I figure it 's a lot safer staying inside the van . I also have remote start on the van so I initially turn off the van and then once I 'm out turn it back on . The doors are locked , van is running to keep them cool or warm and they know not to get out of their seats . Of course I am always worried that someone will report me but nothing has happened yet . LauraL , on August 25 , 2010 at 09 : 04 said : My god , Vanessa . I would challenge this as disruptive and a violation of your rights as a parent to be on PUBLIC school property where YOUR child attends . That 's ( $ # * % % ( $ RIDICULOUS ! however , since that happened , we volunteers are suddenly subject to background checks , etc . I filled it out and listed my reference person as the PTA president , the LEADER OF THE VOLUNTEERS . I was a little pissed but to keep the peace and get through jsut TWO more years of this school , I did it . GRRR . Molly Santa Croce , on August 25 , 2010 at 09 : 21 said : Thank you again Lenore for reminding me that I ' M NOT CRAZY ! ! I am realizing as I write this that I have not watched TV in a few weeks . I think I 'll try and keep up the streak . I have read a few books instead . Hope you are enjoying the last nights of summer , thanks for being there for all of us ! meghann , on August 25 , 2010 at 09 : 38 said : My mother used to leave us in the car all the time . I 'm * told * you simply can 't do that anymore , because the world is " different " now than it was then , and I rattle off statistics showing that , in fact , the world * is * different now than it was in the 1980s - for one thing , it 's actually * safer * to be a kid now than it was then in many ways . But no one listens . Hopefully none of them will turn me in for leaving my kids in the car while I pay for gas . Many years ago - after I 'd moved out of town , but while my parents were still living there with my sister - a teenage girl my sister knew went missing from her mother 's car in a grocery store parking lot down the street from our house . I remember my mother saying , " My god - I left you guys in the car there all the time while I shopped " - and for my mother , grocery shopping can be an hours - long event . Especially when she runs into people she knows , which is always . But I digress . And it was a tragic story . They found the girl 's body in the lake . But it turned out not to be a random abduction by a creepy stranger . She 'd gotten involved with the " wrong " crowd and apparently with someone else 's boyfriend - rumour had it that she was pregnant at the time , but I don 't think that was ever confirmed - and the kids ( I say " kids " - they were older teenagers / early 20s ) came after her one day . Apparently they lured her out of the car with friendly gestures & then once they got her to go with them they did awful things to her and threw her body into the lake . The kids involved were caught & prosecuted and the whole thing was truly awful . Karrie , on August 25 , 2010 at 09 : 51 said : I love this article and I love the comments ! I think nothing of leaving my two children ( Ages 7 and 2 ) in the car for a few minutes if I have to run in somewhere . Most likely place is to go into the bagel shop in the morning on the way to school . I am in and out within 3 minutes and I can see the car through the huge storefront window . I am paranoid every single time though , not that my kids are in danger , I am quite sure they are perfectly safe with the locked doors and alarm engaged . What I am paranoid is that I will be hauled off to jail in front of them because of all the " what if 's " and the laws that have been put in place . I can 't seem to find laws that clearly state what happens in this circumstance though . I am from Illinois … . anyone know where to search for something like that ? justanotherjen , on August 25 , 2010 at 10 : 14 said : We went to the laundromat today and left 4 of the 5 kids in the car . The oldest was 10 and the youngest was 6 weeks and strapped in his carseat . My 8yo son came in with us to help carry bags of laundry . After about 10 minutes of loading up the washer while my son explored the connected arcade and my husband stood watching me I realized the girls were in the car with the windows up and told him to go open them . I didn 't think my husband was going to stand inside and wait for me , lol . They were fine . The older girls knew to open the doors if they got too hot . I didn 't even think to bring them all in . Just the thought of getting the younger 2 out ( carrying in the infant seat and undoing the 4yo from her seat ) just to put laundry in the washer and then strap them back in to go to the store . dmd , on August 25 , 2010 at 11 : 06 said : Part of the reason parents are so scared to leave kids in the car is the preponderance of scare tactics in the parent magazines and media . As a new parent , I was terrified when I forgot something in the house after I 'd gotten my son strapped in - in front of my house . I did leave him to go back in but the warnings about kidnappings rang in my head . . Fortunately , I 've gotten wiser . Melodie , on August 25 , 2010 at 11 : 36 said : For me , I 'm just always worried what other people will think . Like will they think I am a bad mother leaving my kids for hours on end when really I 'm just returning a couple library books ? I do it but I hate that I have to worry about other people seeing it and judging me . LauraL , on August 25 , 2010 at 11 : 44 said : Melodie , I am the one who , if I see you 've left your kids in the car to return that library book or what is obviously " running in " , I 'll hang and be the babysitter FOR you . One set of watchful eyes to take care instead of condemning . I 'm the one who will help you out . Larry Harrison , on August 25 , 2010 at 12 : 05 said : @ Heather . Well , call ME weird , but as much as possible , I expect the children 's life to adjust to MINE , not the other way around . Yes they are my responsibility , but I 'm the adult and the one in charge , not them . Babysitters are for when you & your wife need a night out on the town , giving each other the undivided attention your marriage deserves . Otherwise , keep the children around & expect them to behave in such a way as to suit YOUR life ( without being narcissistic / neglectful about it ) . So , my kids go to bed when * I * say it 's time , not when they wind - down their energy . In like manner , they stay in their bed until * I * say it 's time to get up . They can be in charge of their own lives when they 're grown , not a moment sooner . Maman A Droit , on August 25 , 2010 at 12 : 51 said : While I respect the fact that you 're all trying to do what 's best for your kids , I would absolutely never leave kids in the car . Earlier commenters mentioned having the kids with you seems safer , and for me , it is because if something happens , I get a chance to respond . I realize it 's unlikely that anything would happen with my son in the car or with me either one , but if my son is in the car and I 'm in the store and something goes wrong , there 's no option of me helping . That 's scary as a mom , and less safe IMO . Maybe I have too high an opinion of my problem solving / crisis management skills . But that 's my 2 cents ! Virginia , on August 25 , 2010 at 13 : 11 said : Isn 't it much more likely that your toddler will dart away from you in the gas station parking lot and get run over by a distracted driver than that some evil person will manage to break into a locked car , undo the carseat straps and kidnap him / her in the > 5 minutes it takes to run in and pick up a diet soda so you can stay awake for the rest of the afternoon ? Or that you might trip and fall and hurt yourself and your baby in your distracted and overwhelmed state ? That 's what I 've always thought , anyway . @ BeQui , my brother did the exact same thing two or three times when he was a kid ! Once the car rolled down a sloping driveway into a busy street . Another time it broke a hole in an old family friend 's fence . It 's kind of a miracle no one was ever hurt . That 's why I always made sure the keys were in my purse , the car was in park , * and * the parking brake was set anytime I left little kids in the car for a few minutes . One time I went inside a gas station with my mom and someone DID rob it and they shoved me out of the store and onto the hood of a car while they were making their getaway . ( I was pretty oblivious and didn 't notice what was going on , or I would have gotten out of their way . ) I TOTALLY would have been safer in the car that time ! @ Karrie : Just call the police station and ask . I called mine to find out how old your kids have to be to be left at home alone , and there 's no law stating a specific age , it " depends on the child . " I then called CPS to see if they have some other regulation , and it 's the same thing . ( I 'm in Utah , though . ) I think I read somewhere that most states have a " 2 minute " rule , that if it 's under 2 minutes or 5 minutes or whatever then you 're fine . Vanessa , on August 25 , 2010 at 13 : 53 said : I think pretty much everyone here has adjusted their life to fit having children , rather than the other way around . No one is talking about leaving the kids in the car while they get a manicure or meet friends for drinks , but about doing ordinary errands that parents have been doing for generations , and maybe even longer than that . In fact , I 'll bet before cars existed , people would leave the kids in the horse - drawn buggy ( with strict instructions not to touch the reins ) while they ran into the general store to buy a pound of sugar or a bolt of calico . It 's an old , old problem that used to have a much simpler solution ! nicky , on August 25 , 2010 at 14 : 21 said : I 've taken to often leaving my children , aged 6 and 3 , in the car when I run quick errands , including paying for petrol ( aka gas ) . I do it for a few reasons : to encourage some independence and confidence in them , to avoid running the gauntlet of the chocolate and lollies on the way to the counter , because it 's much quicker if I go on my own , because petrol stations are not safe places for kids to walk around and because I can 't be bothered with the rigmarole of getting the two of them out of , and back into , the car for such short space of time . I always leave the car fully switched off and locked for their safety . I wouldn 't leave them for more than a minute or two on a really hot day and would open the windows when I did go . Admittedly , this is more to do with saving my sanity , than encouraging his free range tendencies . He 's right in the pull everything off the shelves , throw a tantrum when told ' no ' and scream and struggle as he 's put in his car - seat , phase . For the sake of a 2 minute separation , it 's not worthwhile putting us both through the drama . Incredibly , my mother gives me a hard time over this ! This is the same woman who happily left my baby brother sleeping in his cot , while she went to an afternoon tea at the neighbour 's ! How times have changed …… Donna , on August 25 , 2010 at 20 : 09 said : @ Heather - MY life doesn 't revolve around my children . I 'm not paying $ 10 + dollars to get a babysitter so that I can run errands . My child can learn to behave during boring errands with me just like I did as a child . When the hell did we get the idea that our lives need to be child - centered ? I was loved and well - cared for but certainly not the center of my parent 's universe around which all other things revolved . Actually in most newer cars it is . Most , if not all , have buttons that need to be pushed in order to put them into gear . Stick shifts are a different story but how many of us are still driving them . Engage the emergency brake and you have another barrier between the car rolling down the driveway . Christopher Byrne , on August 25 , 2010 at 20 : 24 said : Fear is an aphrodisiac . No , not in a sexual way . But most of us lead fairly ordinary , mundane lives without much drama . Mature , integrated adults treasure that and teach it as a value to their children . But that is not what the hysterical media thrives on . " What if ? " is an ego - driven response that is a mood changer as much as a drink or a bump of heroin . It takes us out of reality , short circuits rational thought and creates a dangerous emotional environment that is more dangerous than the risks to our kids . " What if ? " creates drama , and that 's a cultural addiction right now - from the lunatic reality shows to the evening news . It 's all about manufactured drama , false " controversies " and a culture in which anyone can say anything and be validated because we conflate emotional opinions with demonstrable facts . The only way out of this is to fight emotion with science - and statistics are a science . No one is going to say that tragedies don 't happen or that there aren 't risks inherent in any choices . Consequences can be dire , and one feels powerless and grief - stricken in the face of a real tragedy . We need to take rational precautions , and accept that life is full of risks , but we need a recovery program for all this irrational drama . Our bodies were not designed to be at such a heightened level all the time . Our adrenal systems can 't handle it , and our emotional lives suffer . Which means our kids suffer . gramomster , on August 25 , 2010 at 21 : 31 said : @ Donna … Exactly my thoughts … that money I 'd pay the babysitter is half a tank of gas or lots of veggies at the farmer 's market ! Don 't know about anybody else , but going unemployed in May with no eligibility for unemployment has made none of my bills go away , but has made me stretch a dollar further . And I didn 't hire babysitters before ! ! When I get a babysitter , it is , as Larry says , to go out with hubby , we do it very rarely , and it 's usually my youngest kid , whom I pay with homemade food for his house , not money . He 's got a job , his rommies have jobs , but none of them are fabulous cooks yet . They get really happy when my kid babysits . Even the preschool teacher my grandson most especially loves takes food as payment . This is just one of many reasons I love her . But literally , in the last year , we 're talking 4 times I 've gotten a babysitter . Certainly not to go run errands . Diana , on August 25 , 2010 at 22 : 20 said : Why take a chance with your child ? What if ? What 's wrong with people today ? Who takes a chance with their childs safety ? This is not the 1940 's . There are really bad people out there . How stupid . There are much safer ways to foster independence in a child . jess , on August 25 , 2010 at 22 : 24 said : I was left in the car all the time as a child . if i got to hot or wanted my mom i would climb over the seat and go out her door since there was the child lock on the back doors ( i opened the door once well my grandma was driving ) , my mom knew i was fine and could get out if / when i needed to . About the people " helping " your child and calling the cops , they need to look where they are and the ages or the child . kids old enough to get out probably fine , baby at gas station probably fine , baby in a car at a place where quick trips really aren 't common , maybe than it would be appropriate if you know its been like 10 - 15 mins or for any reason they look in distress . Child kidnappers - who are RARE - generally stalk their victims and plan ahead . I 'm pretty unconcerned about them . Yes , parent 's worst nightmare and clichés like that , yadda yadda , but it 's more likely the kid will be struck by lightning if you take him out . This elementary on my area is trying to get more dads involved in the PTA . Some activities they 've recommended are helping with traffic in the parking lot before or after school , or " [ They could ] just eat lunch with their child and other students . " They don 't think dads are child molesters ! YEAH ! With my stick shift ( and I still prefer a stick to an automatic , but I take what I can get at a decent price , i . e . no car payment price ) , the stick itself can 't be moved out of gear unless the clutch is fully disengaged . No way could a small child fully depress the clutch pedal while simultaneously moving the shifter . They 're just not tall enough , no way , no how . The biggest concern on that vehicle is no child safety locks . Pull the door handle , the door opens . Eeeeep ! ! ! pentamom , on August 26 , 2010 at 00 : 22 said : Diana - your protests are only valid if leaving your child in the car is more dangerous than taking him out - a matter we 've been discussing from various angles for dozens of posts . It 's far from clear that the greater danger , in most circumstances , is leaving him in the car . What " feels scary " isn 't always the most dangerous thing . Laura , on August 26 , 2010 at 00 : 28 said : Unbelievable . Simply unbelievable . I scanned the comments following the PD piece , and this popped out at me : " very safe ! ! ? ? ! ! " Are your children also very safe when left alone at home for a short time ? how about around a swimming pool for a short time ? Playing with a gun for a short time ? " pentamom , on August 26 , 2010 at 00 : 34 said : E , I get you 1000 % . I have an irrational fear of heights . I know it 's irrational . I know my kids are not going to hurtle themselves over the gallery rail at the museum or crawl under the railing or somehow , find the only possible way to fall off of something that 's really quite safe . So , very often the kids will do the things that involve such situations with Dad , or if we 're all together , I 'll turn my back and walk away so I can 't see . ( I also freak over other people 's small children in such situations . I just can 't bear to watch . ) I 'd like to " suck it up " and not put a damper on things , but I know that me standing around panicking just makes it worse for everybody , so I try to play it cool SOMEWHERE ELSE . We have a PO Box at our local post office . Our local post office has no parking in the front , so you need to park on the side street , walk around the front of the building , into the lobby , open your PO Box , get your mail , and then back to the car . It takes about 45 seconds . I do this on the way to doing my other , longer errands at 10am every Saturday morning . My kid loves to grocery shop , hates the post office stop . He 's 4 and he 's been whining at me to leave him in the car for months . EricS , on August 26 , 2010 at 01 : 05 said : A simple solution to parents , TEACH your kids how to behave when they are left in the car alone . And if need be , implement disciplinary actions if they break the rules . You not only educate your child , but you also teach them about consequence of their actions . I 'm sure a lot of us here have learned because we were punished for breaking rules . People ( adults and kids alike ) , do what they do because they know they can . eg . Some people are a - holes because they know they can get away with it , because no one has ever told them otherwise . Same with kids , if they don 't know what they are doing is wrong , and are not corrected or disciplined , they get in their heads that it 's ok to do . Which is most likely the reason why some adults grow up to be a - holes . Because they learned it at a young age . mel , on August 26 , 2010 at 01 : 11 said : This is exactly why I always carry a copy of the law in my car , which states that it is legal for a child over 6 to be left in the car unattended . Under 6 years old , they need a person over 12 to be int eh car with them . The law also says that you can 't leave the car running or leave the keys in the car . This is , of course , California , and your laws may differ in your state . I was severely harassed by a mall cop and a police officer because I left my 8 year old son in the far for literally 3 minutes while I ran into the shoe repair place to get my shoes . He was in my line of vision the whole time and he had water and the windows were down . The officer insisted that what I had done was illegal and he could call child protection services and take my child away from me . I was horrified and angry and scared and a lot more angry . At one point , I told him that my mother had always left us in the car while she went in to do her grocery shopping , etc . and he informed me that then my mother was a bad mother and she should have been arrested . I just looked at him and left . It was the early 70 's for god 's sake ! Everyone wasn 't as paranoid as they are now back then . Know your rights , know the law . And don 't let them bully you around ! Uly , on August 26 , 2010 at 01 : 12 said : " very safe ! ! ? ? ! ! " Are your children also very safe when left alone at home for a short time ? how about around a swimming pool for a short time ? Playing with a gun for a short time ? " Why take a chance with your child ? What if ? What 's wrong with people today ? Who takes a chance with their childs safety ? This is not the 1940 ′ s . There are really bad people out there . How stupid . There are much safer ways to foster independence in a child . We 're actually at a 30 year LOW POINT in crimes . All crimes . Knowingly leaving your child in the car for a few minutes ( far different from FORGETTING your child in the car ! ) isn 't " taking a chance with their safety " . And inasmuch as it is , that has nothing to do with " bad people " , who most likely , as pointed out , won 't steal a car with a child in it because that 's just more trouble they don 't need , but a lot with hyperthermia . But people who leave their children in cars rarely have this problem . The big danger ( relatively speaking , I don 't think less than 50 deaths a year is epidemic ) is from people who forget their children are in the car in the first place . DMT , on August 26 , 2010 at 01 : 17 said : A couple of years ago , I went to the gas station . The card reader wasn 't working , forcing me to go in and make sure the station got my payment . It was 10 degrees outside , and it seemed ridiculous to wake my then - fourteen - month - old child just to spend less than sixty - seconds making sure the station got paid . Guess what happened to him in that sixty seconds I was gone . Nothing . Absolutely nothing . In fact , he was still sleeping peacefully when I got back in . However , I would not leave my now - nearly three year old alone in the car . Why ? Because he can get out of his car seat by himself ( a skill he likes to practice quite often , even while I 'm driving ) . And his unbridled curiousity about everything he can get his hands on makes it impossible to leave him alone most times . Another time I left him in the car when I walked less than 20 feet to get a grocery cart . ( He was just an infant then . ) When I turned around , there was an older woman circling my car , watching him inside . I got to the car , and she gave me the diritiest look . Sigh . sonya , on August 26 , 2010 at 01 : 41 said : So , after a quick bit of research I found out that NJ does not have a specific law about children left unattended in cars , but that parents can still be charged under general child endangerment laws . The NJ state dept of children and families has a campaign that children should not be left in vehicles for " even a minute " . http : / / www . state . nj . us / dcf / safety / campaigns / car . html . So presumably our local cops feel they would be backed up by the state on this . Safekids USA ( www . safekids . org ) allows you to see all the laws from different states on children left unattended in cars . Lily Shahar Kunning , on August 26 , 2010 at 02 : 13 said : Thank you thank you thank you ! I am in the process of trying to organize co - op childcare ( parents get and give childcare in equal measure , no one is paid , no caregivers aren 't parents getting the care themselves at some point ) for a conference I attend at a hotel this spring . 2500 or so people attend , and more and more parents are attending with kids in tow , and there have been no services for them . No one will step up , although everyone admits the service is badly needed . Why ? Liability . everyone is afraid of the " what ifs " and what that could mean for them in a legal sense if it happens . " Are you prepared for someone coming in with a gun and kidnapping a child ? " I was asked yesterday . Sheesh . People are so afraid these days , I wonder of we will ever trust one another enough to build a decent community . RobC , on August 26 , 2010 at 02 : 45 said : " Why take a chance with your child ? What if ? What 's wrong with people today ? Who takes a chance with their child 's safety ? Rant rant froth … " She 's right . It 's so dangerous out there , why take chances ? In fact , it 's probably best to not have children at all , that way you can guarantee that nothing bad can happen to them . Further to that , I would like to know how exactly would one prepare for something like that ? Bulletproof shields that drop down from the ceiling at the touch of a button , like they have in banks ? Armed guards at the door ? A hotline to Commissioner Gordon 's office so he can call Batman to come and help ? On a cool fall overcast rainy morning , I need to get gas . My two year old is strapped into his rear - facing car seat ( I DO take safety seriously ) . I need to pay for my gas and the card swipe thing is broken . I crack the windows , turn off the engine , take my keys , lock the car and RUN into the gas station . All the while , my car and child is in my view . In about 3 minutes ( or less ) I RUN back to my car . My child is safe and content . It 's ridiculous that people are now afraid to do something so harmless . Why can 't we think for ourselves ? Clearly it 's a bad idea to leave a child in the car for long periods or for any length of time when it 's warm outside . If your child can unbuckle him or herself , then leaving the child alone isn 't smart . Leaving the car unlocked ( child or no child ) isn 't smart , particularly in high crime areas . There are times when it 's safe . Like when you forget something and have to run back into the house for a minute . Most kids that die in hot cars are from being forgotten or because they climb into unlocked cars and can 't get back out ( which happened to two toddlers in my neighborhood a few weeks ago ) . Lock your cars ! Even in your driveway . It takes a milisecond and it can prevent theft as well as accidents ( like the above ) . The stick can be moved without pressing the clutch when the engine is off , regardless of where the key is ( unless it 's a Saab , but they 're weird ) . Depending on a bunch of things , it might or might not be harder to move by pushing the clutch . I have always explained to my children that if they move the stick when they are in the car without me , the car could move and they could cause an accident . They have never moved the stick ( as far as I know ) without me being in the car with them . Margaret , on August 26 , 2010 at 07 : 56 said : Not a car story , but similar idea - when my kids were about 1 , 3 and 5 , I was at a mall where you could rent little carts for kids to ride around in . I was visiting my cousin 7 hours from my home , and I didn 't have my stroller with me ( I hadn 't thought we were going anywhere ) . So I rented two of those for the little ones and the big one walked . Come lunch time , we went to the incredibly jam packed food court where people were lined up at every booth right across the passage . After much difficulty getting my kids to a table all the way in by the windows with the other families , I left my 3 and 5 year old ( both watching the little TV in the cart ) at the table and took my 1 year old in his cart to get food . It was tricky driving him through the lines , but I managed . As I was picking up the tray of food , some busybody came up to me and said , " You shouldn 't leave your kids alone . Wouldn 't you feel bad if someone stole them ? " I was kind of floored . First of all , in order to steal them , someone would have had to bring them past me . Second , the kids were in an area surrounded by other families . Third , if I had brought them with me , I would have had to leave them in their carts and done a back and forth relay of bringing food and a cart , finding a spot to set it down and get the other cart and kid , and then bringing them a little further etc etc . I mean , it was OBVIOUS that there was no way to push two carts and carry a tray of food ( I will assume that the 5 year old would have stuck close ) . Seems to me it would have been more risky walking away from one of them by the entrance . Anyway , I didn 't even know what to say , because it was a pretty stupid question - chances are that no matter how bad of a parent I am , I would feel bad if they were stolen . However , the lady disappeared without another word when one of my cousins came up to me ( we had split up to get food and the table ) and I asked her if she and my other cousin could see where the kids were , and she saAdriana , on August 26 , 2010 at 08 : 08 said : Oops , didn 't know CA had a law on that … Guess I can 't leave my 10 , 9 , and 2 yr old in the car with the radio on anymore . My question … does this apply at the gas station if I leave my 10 , 9 and 2 yr old in the car so I can go pay cash ? ? Stop at the ATM ? ? At the school curb to drop off a form ? ? And what 's considered significant risk ? Besides windows closed on a warm day , etc . Windows down with no keys in the car ok ? How does one find this out - besides doing it and getting fined the $ 100 ? Um , no . No one really is . Some people have the knowledge and means to respond quickly and appropriately , but no one is ever really " prepared " for that , except maybe on - duty law officers and soldiers . What does the person asking that question , think she 's asking ? Stacey JW , on August 26 , 2010 at 11 : 06 said : People freak out when I leave my DOG in the car , can 't wait to see what happens when I leave the kid ! I would never leave a kid or animal in a hot car , but where I live its rarely too hot or too cold ( San Diego / Mexico coastal area ) . Just in case I leave a note in the car , on the dash , with my # and location . in some areas its considered animal cruelty , even when the temp is the same as the dog would be in at home , outdoors . I can hear CPS now …… Nicole Down Under , on August 26 , 2010 at 11 : 39 said : In Australia , or NSW where I live anyway , leaving a child in a car unattended is illegal , punishable by a fine of up to $ 22 , 000 . The law is designed to deter people from leaving kids in hot cars or while they play poker machines ( sad , isnt it … ) but so far only seems to have been used against mothers who left their kids while paying for petrol or a coffee . Seriously , is it not MORE dangerous to wrangle children in front of distracted drivers at a petrol station than just to leave them safely and happily strapped in for a couple of minutes ? ? ! ! ! Priscilla , on August 26 , 2010 at 22 : 09 said : Thank you for creating this blog . For years now I have been thinking the same thought that you are trying to get people to think . I have not been the hovering parent that some of my contemporaries have been . Many of them see me as careless and foolish . Gail , on August 26 , 2010 at 22 : 19 said : @ Nicole Down Under - I 'm starting to wonder if there 's any way we can band together to fight these laws . They are so patently illogical and irrational in their application that I feel it would be best if we just got rid of them . I , personally , will continue to do what I think best with my children regardless of what the law states . Just because my assessment of where dangers lie does not mesh with others in society is not going to make me do or allow something I consider unsafe . gramomster , on August 26 , 2010 at 22 : 32 said : @ Brian … I think I stated ' my ' car . Don 't know about others . My old Volvos , yeah , you could move the stick . This particular vehicle ( which is actually my son 's , but I 'm using it ) , you can 't . My grandson has tried , believe me . It 's a little truck , so he 's in the front ( no passenger side airbags , I promise ! ) in his booster . We park , he 's all over the shifter . Goes nowhere unless I push in the clutch . I used to do that with my kids once they got to be about 9 and were sitting in the front . I 'd do the clutch , they 'd ( with my help usually ) move the shifter . Gotta know how to drive a manual . Absolutely must . Like swimming . A skill one might really need in a pinch , or just a wider range of vehicle choices available . Gotta know how … Elicia , on August 26 , 2010 at 23 : 34 said : Thank you so much ! I left my kids in the car for a seven minute run into whole foods ( parked in the front row ) and when I got back a man was waiting for me . Told me he was calling the police if I didn 't agree to never do such a thing again . I was caught off guard . My daughter was completely traumatized thinking the police were going to show up and she was pissed that someone would question her mother 's parenting decision . In the moment I second guessed myself and told the man I would never do it again . Looking back , I realized I should have called the police myself and told them I was being harrassed by a man in a parking lot . My daughter is a very mature and responsible ten year old and I believe she should have opportunities to experience independence . She had my phone while I was in the store , the weather was mild and she knows how to call 911 if something happens . My kids know their are scary people in the world and that crazy things happen but this man with his talk about random badness totally freaked them out . Jennifer , on August 27 , 2010 at 00 : 04 said : When I was wbout 9 years old , my parents left my brother ( 7 ) and I in the car while they went into the store . I got the idea to play a " trick " on them . We hid behind the backseats under our coats ( of a two - door T - bird ) . Our intention was to jump out and yell " Boo ! " DMT , on August 27 , 2010 at 01 : 04 said : Years ago , one of my college roommates told me the story of when she traveled to the Badlands with her parents in their RV . She was nine , and they stopped at a gas station . Her parents were in the station ; she went into the public bathroom ( she still doesn 't remember why considering their RV had one inside ) . When she got out , her parents were GONE . This was of course way before cell phones , and she was convinced her parents abandoned her . A couple fo hours later , her parents realized she wasn 't with them and immediately turned around to get her . I have no idea why it took them two hours to realize their daughter wasn 't with them , but all turned out well in the end , and her family still jokes about leaving her at a gas station . I have a friend who was running errands with her three small children one day . She left them in the car while she ran into the post office to grab a change of address form . The post office is nearly all windows in the front , and I 'll bet her feet literally never stopped moving as she dashed in . But when she came out , she was given a mouthful by some ( ahem ) caring individual about what could have happened and how she had taken down her license plates and WOULD be calling CPS . Luckily my friend is feisty and confident and acted accordingly . She says she got home and told her hubby , " We may have visitors soon . " She is so much braver than me … not for leaving her kids for a microsecond , but for telling that crazy woman what was up ! ( Oh , and CPS never showed up . ) DirtyHooker , on August 27 , 2010 at 03 : 53 said : More and more , it seems obvious that none of this freakish concern for safety has anything to do with protecting children . It 's about emotional CYA on the part of parents . If kids are safer in the car than they are walking through the parking lot , then parents are actually putting their kids in greater danger in order to give themselves a false sense of security , which is pretty damn selfish . Kersty , on August 27 , 2010 at 16 : 31 said : Fair enough to leave your kids in a car for a few minutes , each to their own I suppose . But what if it 's illegal in your state to do it ? Would you still do it ? What if in the past 3 weeks at your local petrol station and shopping centre a car with a child in the back seat had been stolen , and 2 attempted kidnapping had occured . Would you still trust the people in your community ? Just curiouse as these have happened in my local area recently , should I still trust everyone ? Meg , on August 27 , 2010 at 16 : 41 said : I mentioned this over on FB , but this seems like a situation no parent can win . I very clearly remember my mother wanting me as a kid to stay in the car at the gas station . She was worried about me inhaling the fumes . ( OH NOES ! ) I remember wondering why it was ok for her to breathe them but not for me ? And that when I grew up I 'd have to breathe them anyway when I was pumping gas for myself , so what was the big deal ? Yeah , those questions never really got answered . This is the same woman who let me walk 2 miles round trip to the 7 - 11 before age 10 but yelled at me for standing in front of the microwave . * shrug * She was more the OMG , you could get CANCER & less the OMG you could be ABDUCTED type , for sure . A little lunacy for your Fri - Day ! « South of the Fork , on August 27 , 2010 at 19 : 48 said : [… ] Free Range Kids points out the lunacy of dragging your kids in while you pay for fuel . If you 've had a string of attempted stranger abductions lately , if you 've had a rash of carjackings , your personal equation of safety is going to be different than if that stuff never happens where you are . And it should be ! The only thing is that once the current crime wave in your area dies down , you need to be flexible enough to reconsider what 's appropriate . DirtyHooker , on August 27 , 2010 at 21 : 39 said : Kersty , I think parents should be free to use common sense and judgment . If you believe your neighborhood is unsafe , or that you have the kind of kid who would get in trouble if left alone in a car , then by all means , take the child with you . I don 't think parents who choose otherwise should be demonized for their choices or have to worry about CPS taking their kids away . I don 't know what I would do if it were illegal in my state . I like to think I would do it anyway , as a form of protest , but I 'm not sure . Lihtox , on August 27 , 2010 at 22 : 32 said : @ DH : Leaving your kids in the car illegally wouldn 't be a very effective protest , I 'm thinking ; if you were caught , people would think your political stand was an afterthought to gloss over your " crime " . Better to actually protest : letters to papers and politicians , organizing , whatever . It 'd be an uphill battle , though . DirtyHooker , on August 28 , 2010 at 00 : 05 said : Lihtox : Yeah , definitely , it would have to be in conjunction with letters to politicians and such . I can see why parents follow the law on this even if they disagree . No one wants the hassle of dealing with the cops and CPS . Tuppence , on August 28 , 2010 at 00 : 20 said : I 'm not sure if anyone is still reading this thread , but I 'll comment again anyway . It occurred to me that these " good citizens " who wait around to scold a parent who has stepped away from a car with a child sitting in it , and especially those who call the police on those parents , are the same " good citizens " that one used to find in East Germany , informing the Stasi ( secret police ) that a particular neighbor 's commitment to communism may leave something to be desired , and those during the Red Scare in the US , informing the authorities to the contrary . Blithely wrecking havoc on the lives of ordinary people , eager participants in the practice of criminalizing the banal . I live in Germany now . I have a friend here who grew up in east Germany when it was the GDR ( communist East Germany ) . Who more appropriate to ask if she agreed with the analogy ? When I brought the subject up - guess what ? - a few months ago she had the pleasure of having the police called on her for leaving her sleeping baby in the car . She and her family were invited to a birthday brunch of a friend . The brunch was in a restaurant where the whole front and side of the building are windows , so she could she out the whole time , it 's located in a very safe residential neighborhood . They parked their car a few doors down on from the restaurant . She breast fed the baby when they arrived , and the baby fell asleep . She knew her baby would sleep soundly for at least the next hour . My friend and her husband decided to go with the other children into the restaurant , leave the baby to sleep and come out periodically to check up on her . The weather was fine ( never really an issue in this part of the world anyway ) . She had just checked on the baby one last time ( sleeping peacefully ) and stepped back into the restaurant to finish her last sips of coffee and say her goodbyes , when a furiously enraged woman entered , demanding to know who owned the red caravan . My friend said she did and the woman toSam , on August 28 , 2010 at 02 : 08 said : I have three children - one who is four and the other two who are about a year and a half . It would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to get anything done if I had to take my children out of the car for every two minute errand . I have left them in view in the car for a few minutes in order to get cash from an ATM machine , buy stamps and mail a letter , pick up a loaf of bread , and return a library book . I leave the windows open , take my keys , and my oldest knows not to open the door for anyone . I think part of the reason parents get so stressed out all the time is because they don 't feel like they have an option to leave their kids . We live in a safe area and I 've never worried about it and to be honest , it is FAR LESS stressful than repeatedly buckling and unbuckling carseats and stroller harnesses . Emiky , on August 29 , 2010 at 23 : 33 said : When my little twin brothers were toddlers , they were escape artists . Nothing could keep them in a place they did not want to be - and I mean nothing . My parents tried everything . All the bolts , all the childproof locks , you name it . My brothers were smart . The most famous incident was an escape where they made it to our neighbor 's car , took his keys which he had put in the visor , started the car , and drove it into a lamp post . Cost the city thousands . They were uninjured - and they were two yo . I still can 't think of a way to prevent that . My dad turned around for three minutes . Dumb of him ? Probably . But what do you do ? The twins are 16 and it 's still a story we love to tell . As you might expect , CPS did stop in - and left declaring my parents ran a safe home and were doing the best they could and we were all healthy and happy . No complaints from them . The thing is , freak things happen . No one is perfect , and kids will be kids . Otherwise life is boring . 12 years of age appears to be the most common recommendation . http : / / www . latchkey - kids . com / latchkey - kids - age - limits . htm provides a state by state comparison with references . This site also provides one guideline from a California agency representative who suggests that 8 year olds and over can be left at home for up to several hours ( usually after school before a parent gets home from work ) . In fact , at smaller stores if we were separated from our parents and couldn 't find them - we would go wait in the car . And yes , we did at a certain age feel confident enough not to tag around with the cart but to go look at another fun section on our own . I 'm in my mid - twenties , so this wasn 't that long ago . We were also aware that the store employees could call our parents over the loudspeaker if need be . We also walked out to the parking lot on our own . Shannon , on August 31 , 2010 at 03 : 11 said : We live in a small town , and I often leave my kids in the car for a few minutes during quick errands . At least , I used to do so - my 8 year old suddenly decided he was too scared to stay in the car with his little sister . I discovered this the day he got out of the car , unbuckled his year old sibling , and carried her across the parking lot , then tracked me down in the grocery store . I tried very hard to explain to him that what he had just done was MUCH more dangerous than staying inside a locked car for 5 minutes while I got milk and bread . He 's still not buying it - so now I have to take them both out of the car for EVERY errand , and it is a time - consuming pain in the rear . On the other hand , I do have to say that one of my cousins wrecked a car by putting it into reverse while his mom was in a store . So it can happen . He was one of those kids who had a way higher average number of freak accidents . Lihtox , on August 31 , 2010 at 22 : 05 said : @ LauraL : Of course , the Oregon statute is rather vague , since none of us are going to willingly leave our children in a place which " may be likely to endanger the health or welfare of such child " . What " likely " means is the big question . I was certainly roaming my neighborhood long before I was 10 , and I was walking to school since kindergarten : is that really * much * different than leaving a child home alone ? ( Granted , houses have stoves and knives and bleach and other dangerous things . ) I 'm about to be a father ( less than 2 weeks until " D " day ) and my wife and I have been out looking at different products - we 're a kind of essentialist couple . I could not believe all the so called " essentials " there are . Both of us being from underprivileged families managed without most the child safety gear and we definitely waited in the car when mom ( a very busy single mom with lots of appointments ) left us in the vehicle for short stints to grab milk and bread or pay for gas . Once i was old enough to voice my opinion I nearly always asked to wait in the car during grocery shopping ( it did not always happen because there was a bit of common sense on my mother 's part ) and perhaps 3 people , to my recollection , ever realized I was there . Two of them were seniors and one of those had the same vehicle as my mother . Sam , on September 17 , 2010 at 03 : 41 said : I won " Worst Mother of the Year " at the Post Office this morning . We weren 't home when the postman came to deliver a package , so I had to take the slip down to the Post Office to pick it up . It 's turning to fall out here in Utah , and it was a pretty pleasant day , so I didn 't worry about leaving my 4 - year - old and toddler in the car for the two minutes it was going to take me to run in and pick up the package . I parked in front of the Post Office windows , where I could see the car , made sure they were comfortable , and locked the doors . There were just two people in line , and I got to the counter right away . I was feeling sympathetic for the lady next to me , who 's toddler was throwing a rolling - on - the - floor tantrum . The man at the counter brought me my package after a minute or two . Halfway through signing for it , I hear " Does anyone here own a Toyota ? " I flush and say , " That 's mine , " as I turn around to see the imperious mother of the ( rotten ) two - year - old . " Well , " she says totally outraged , " I 'm calling the cops on you right now . You can 't leave your kids in the car - someone could take them ! " I apologize , ask her to please not call the police , and run out to the car . She follows me out of the parking lot , taking town my license plate number as I drive home before I get hauled off to the holding cell in the basement of the Pleasant Grove police station . I 'm totally stressed - out - I 've never had a speeding ticket - I never even had detention in all my years of school ! After I calm down and realize the police aren 't going to break down my front door , I get online and reserach Utah State Law and our local municipal code . Turns out , there 's no state or local law against leaving children unattended in a vehicle . The nearest city that even has a law on the books gives you a 10 minute time limit on leaving your children unattended . Now I wish I had stayed and stood up for myself , instead of feeling like the worst law - breaking mom inSo far , the chickens in my backyard are more free - range than my kids - but I 'm working on it . All depends on context of course : how old is your son ? 1 ? 3 ? 10 ? 18 ? Was your in a blizzard , or a high - crime area ? Does your son have a history of self - injury ? Or are you perhaps suffering from a phobia ? I despise heights and think roofers are crazy to do what they do , but I recognize that this is my problem not theirs . What are you afraid of ? • Kidnapping ? Here 's a good test : would you have panicked if your husband had left the car door open without the child ? Because there are a * lot * more car thieves out there than kidnappers . Most humans are wired to want to protect children , or at least recognize that stealing someone 's child is a lot more dangerous to them than stealing their car , and less lucrative as well . • Child getting into trouble ? That entirely depends on your child . Certainly some children need to be watched because they have a tendency to do things that are not safe , like putting the car in reverse or running out into the street . Only you and your husband can determine how much you trust your child , and / or trust the seatbelt that 's holding him in . I won 't answer that question for you , but children * can * be trustworthy ; and in fact the only way children grow up to be trustworthy adults is for adults to trust them ( with limits ) when they are children . Anne , on February 13 , 2011 at 13 : 28 said : My friend and mother of my two godsons had the cops called on her when she left her two sons - ages 7 and 12 months in the car while she ran in to return an item at the local hardware superstore . The car was parked within sight of the return center where she was . The windows were down since it was a summer afternoon and she 'd parked in the shade . The 7 year old was playing his Nintendo DS and the baby was asleep in his carseat ( which was why she left them in the car in the first place ) . After a few minutes , she noticed that an older woman had approached the car and was talking with the 7 year old . My friend figured she was just a concerned citizen and didn 't think much of it until she returned to the car where the woman scolded her for leaving the boys in the car * gasp * alone . The woman called the police and had given them the tag number to my friend 's car so there was no use in just leaving . Then my friend got chastised by the police officer . Apparently , in Maryland , a child isn 't responsible enough to be left alone even for a few minutes unless they 're 8 years old . And they 're not responsible enough to stay with a younger child until they 're 12 or 13 . She was threatened with the possibility of CPS taking the boys away . Really , people . God forbid a parent walks out of eyesight of well - meaning strangers . Annoyed dad , on June 11 , 2012 at 06 : 57 said : Today while I was taking my kids the park forget to bring some water so I put into the nearest quicky mart . I ran in grab a bottle and some snack went to counter pay and ran back outside only to be met with some zealot self important lady who start berating me on how it illegal to leave two kids alone in the car . Pulled out my stopwatch since I read the Texas penal two years ago and I use it anytime I need to make quick trip in with my two kids in tow . The timer was at 3mins 48seconds I told her if my clock had said 5 mins I had been in violations of he law . Then proceeded to get my while she was still ranting , flipped her off ( seem justified at the time ) and drove off to great day at the park . I believe parents should have the choice when comes to our kids . We need less of people butting In , I understand worry but sometimes reality should be our basis of judgement . my kid were secured in car seats , the sunroof was open automatic locks with remote ac control . texas it is only illegal to leave a child alone in a car for MORE than 5 minutes . So back off
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I love the push to Christmas . . . . Sounds kooky , I know , but I love the way things just seem to fall in place as the time draws nigh . I haven 't always been this way . In my ( ahem ) maturity , however , I have learned to accept the little hiccups and bumps as a part of the memory for that year . I hope that in your celebrations , whether you host or simply attend , you will join me in relaxing , letting go and truly enjoying the folks you are with ( if at all possible ) ! Remember that this season is about family , friends and the glorious gift of a savior that knows just how imperfect we really are ! Posted by I have never pretended to be a foodie or a wine snob . . . In fact if I make something with more than three ingredients and it takes more than 30 minutes I have outdone myself ! I buy mid priced wine , usually no more than $ 15 / bottle . Ok , so maybe cheap wine ! I have a favorite but I 'm also not opposed to trying something new . I admit I 'm a sucker for a cool label . Bought a bottle of wine called " Bitch " once . . . If you have never tried it , don 't ! TERRIBLE ! I couldn 't even choke down one glass . . . So I was dubious when I picked up my next cool labeled vintage . The back of the bottle reads : " Somewhere near the cool shadows of the laundry room . Past the litter box and between the plastic lawn toys . This is your time . Time to enjoy a moment to yourself . A moment without the madness . The dishes can wait . Dinner be damned . Mad Housewife Cabernet Sauvignon . " Oh yeah ! Cool label , nifty cork , it has it all ! And surprisingly a decent Cabernet . . . So here I sit , sipping Mad Housewife , nibbling turkey burgers with the kids and thoroughly enjoying myself with a quick blog post . Dinner be damned indeed ! Hope your Sunday is wine - worthy ! Yeah . . . This blogging thing can get to be harder than one originally thought ! Not that I don 't love it , I do ! I love my blog gal - pals that seems to completely get my sense of humor and my tendency to disappear from time to time . . . . . I love lurking on sites and contemplating posts inspired by their insights and observances . I think bloggers share on a level rivaled by many . It is a freeing space in which you can share the cleaning of a closet with the triumph due military prowess ! That 's awesome ! It is a place you can be free to bitch about all manner of crap . You can wax nostalgic , prognosticate intellectually or simply barf up what 's got you pissy . . . It 's yours to decide . And it 's wonderful ! Me ? Well I 've been working on some other projects . . . Wrote a book , having it self - published ( for all the self - important stigma that has with it ) , and started another project . Have another blog ( one I seem to keep up better ) , that isn 't at all like this one . . . And of course the holidays are descending with a quickness I am very uncomfortable with ! I continue to love the forum and the folks I met here . I will continue on , I am sure . If you want to peek at another side of me , check out thebagladycometh . blogspot . com . . . It is who I am . . . On another level altogether , I assure you . Like my penchant for watching " Survivor " or " Bizzarre foods " , try not to judge me too harshly . . . I still love an excellent cup of coffee and a good glass of wine ! And rest assured - I have stayed away from black hairspray ! Posted by This stuff seems innocuous enough . . . . Says on the can it washes out with a regular shampooing , and of course it does . It just doesn 't tell you how many washes it will take ! Now , to be fair , there is a warning regarding those folks with very fair , light blonde hair . But that is where it stops . When did I grow up ? I 'm not sure how it happened , but it did . Had my birthday and I maintained control , didn 't get hammered and feel decent this morning instead of like the walking dead ! Beautiful dinner , wonderful friends , nice hotel and decent breakfast . All in all , not a barn burner , but a very good solid verification of how lucky I am . What makes it all worthwhile ? I just love my life . Sounds very cliche , but it is true . Days like today make me realize that over and over . I have amazing friends who love me despite the fact that I 'm late to my own party . I have a husband who " gets me " most days , and that is priceless . I have healthy kids and wonderful pets . We have just enough money to keep our bills mostly paid and God is ever present in our lives . It 's all very , very good . What would I do if I could choose anything ? Hmmmm . . . . That 's not any easy thing to wrap my head around . I am so blessed and so very spoiled , I am starting to realize I have exactly everything I want and , most importantly , everything I NEED . There isn 't much I lack , unless you count time , and I don 't know that any of us ever has enough of that ! I imagine I would choose to spend my time exactly as I have . I would relax at an amazing dinner with my husband , have a drink or two with my close friends and spend the night in a hotel enjoying my marriage . I 'm only missing my kids who are playing with friends or grandmas . . . And that too is ok with me ! Happy Birthday to me . . . All grown up ! Posted by Yup . Been gone . Analog . Whiling away my days amidst the reality that is my life and none of it really very interesting . . . Well , unless you count hitting a deer on my way to drop off my daughter . Yeah , beautiful Edge is at the car doctor getting her face put back together . All in all , however , not a lot going on . . . Ok . Those of you that know me , know that is absolute crap ! I 've been busy as all get out and haven 't been able to find my proverbial butt with both hands ! First there was the Vegas vacation I took with a gal pal after husband finally returned home . . . Much needed relaxation and a whole lot of doing nothing . GLORIOUS ! Especially since after getting off the plane I was running immediately into our annual client appreciation party . . . The weekend after that , our annual fundraising show here at the ranch . This is a planners nightmare ! Who 's coming ? Don 't know . . . Can I hire a concession wagon ? Nope . How much food do I buy ? Don 't know . . . . But it too went off without incident and all seemed to have a great time . I had enough food , enough help and enough change to get through the day . I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have only one job and only a few things to do a week . Would my house be cleaner ? Would my kids have " activities ? " Would I be bored ? I don 't know . I don 't know that I will ever know . I think that might be a good thing , " idle hands " and all that . . . But sometimes I fantasize that I get to just do one thing for about a month . Wouldn 't that be cool ? And then I realize , I would hate it . Doing just one thing would mean I was a man . . . No thanks ! Posted by So today is stacking up to be a regular pain in the you - know - what . . . I am on call to have to drive most of the day because no one else is available at this given moment . In short , don 't get me started ! I had all this energy to do a random post and now it may turn into a rant and rave , instead ! ( Ah , married life ! Ain 't it grand ? ? ? ) On a good note , I am sooooo close to having the invitations for our customer appreciation Pot Luck done ! I just have a little bling to finish and then the envelopes and a quick trip to the post office . These buggers have been giving me fits since I started the project ! ARGH ! But didn 't they turn out nice ? Then there is my garden ! It has quite taken over the grand firebox I constructed earlier this year and I couldn 't be happier ! Well , ok . . . So I hate weeding , and I am not entirely sure all my bushes will be making the trip back next year , but still . I have flowers ! It looks like we might stay a while ! And that silly goofy rose that had the sticky up bloom in the middle ? Well , it turned out the be the same kind of rose just some mutant stalk that came right up out of the center . During a particularly windy day around here , the stalk got bent , so I clipped it off and brought the stem inside . Isn 't that just wonderful ? I have never had flowers from my own garden in my house before . Very nice . . . On the rant side . . . I am friggin ' blind ! Most of the pictures I am taking these days are coming out blurry because I don 't have my little reader glasses to see if things are in focus . Pretty hard to take pictures on a micro focus at arms length ! Ugh ! So some of the close ups are crap . . . And still not sure what to get in way of new P & S camera . So crap pics it is ! How 's your Labor Day going ? Technology . . . Seriously , I am a Techy to say the least and I absolutely love it ! As I write this on the lovely and very versatile iPad I wonder just how much technology is too much ? Is it too much when we are so tempted to veer off the road texting ? Is it too much when your phone dings at you past 10 pm and you actually pick it up out of a sound sleep to see who is contacting you ? Is it too much when it interferes with your ability to hold a complete conversation with someone sitting right next to you ? How much is too much ? A friend of mine believes that it actually shortens our life span because we never really shut down and relax . I can understand her perspective . All of my gadgets can definitely be a distraction and sometimes drive me to " work " even when I normally would be shut off to the office . Working for myself , however , I only get paid when I work and I only eat when I get paid . So . . . I do what I have to to keep things rolling along . I think that once we recognize that we are doing too much we can begin to do things to counter those habits as well . I know in my 40 's I have begun to travel more , get away with the girls more , and make more concessions on what I find fun . I recognize more readily my need to shut off and go analog . I have given myself permission to not answer text messages after a certain hour . I have given myself permission to leave my phone off when I am with a friend so that I can truly be a friend . I don 't answer calls or texts while I am being waited on by a clerk of any kind , and if by chance I am on a call for whatever reason and someone comes by to help me , I apologize for being obnoxious . I love my gadgets , but I don 't ever want them to come between me and mine , be it friend or family . So I try to practice some restraint . . . some . . . Sometimes new things feel very slow and unwieldy . . . . Trying out all the new stuff is fun if not tiresome for my readers . . . . Bear with me . I am trying to keep it at a minimum . Yup , today I have help . The neighbor kid is cleaning stalls for a little cash to help him fix his truck so I do not have to clean stalls ! Yahoo ! ! ! I snapped the pic above with my phone . . . Apologies for the lack of clarity , but it was just the coolest sight ! It is one of those lawn mower air chair thingies that a neighbor flies about . . . Looks terrifyingly fun , although I must admit that I wouldn 't be caught dead in one ! I am fairly certain that that rose is not a part of what I thought I was buying . It is a traditional multilayered rose , not the hardy primroses I purchased specific to our altitude . . . Never the less , she sure is spectacular ! Four buds on top and seems to be faring rather well , despite the lack of oxygen up this high ! Lol ! Last , but definitely not least , a gratuitous shot of my niece . . . Sis and the family will be departing later today but we did manage to see each other twice while she was in town . Lexi is growing so very fast and is simply the loveliest little girl ! Looking forward to catching up on blog reading - from the new iPad , of course . The screen is spectacular ! ! Posted by Yeah . Ahem . . . . My name is Mud , and I 'm addicted to technology . . . In my defense , I bought the darned thing after I walked out of the store twice ! Yes . I went back in twice amidst snarky stares and big knowing grinny faces to buy the iPad . I kept it simple and purchased the smallest one - no 3G , only 16g . . . And can I just say WOW ! It 's so stinking cool I can hardly believe it ! ! My techy brother is so very jealous because I have it first . I 'm not sorry . I work three jobs and I 'm going to get something fun out of it ! Now . . . . Any suggestions on how I tell my husband ? ? ? ? ? Yeah . . . . Seems very cliche , I know , but it is true . The very best childhood memories I have revolve around my family . I cannot think of anything I would rather do than hang out together with those very closest to me . I 'm not saying there aren 't times I don 't answer my phone when they call . I 'm not saying I am the best daughter ever and just can 't wait to see them 24 - 7 . That would be a lie . I am saying that I just love the times we all sit around and laugh about things from our rather checkered past as a familial unit . Those gut wrenching , bend doubled over , laugh til the tears flow freely hilarious moments when we relive the food fight we had and Mom 's mashed potatoes bounced ! Those kinds of times . . . Reliving the awesomeness of having our kids and what that was like . . . I didn 't really get a " hankering " for travel until rather recently . I am not a comfortable traveler , per se . I do it for the reward at the end . I simply hate the process of it and that starts from packing to boarding whatever mode of transportation fits the trip . Once on the plane , or in the car ( as those are the only modes I have tested so far ) I am able to exhale and start my journeys . There are trips I remember from my childhood that I absolutely am swept away with . Some were very plain and normal , like camping . Those trips were wonderful ! I think about camping now with a bit of trepidation - OK a lot of trepidation ! I have no romantic ideas of what it would be like to spend a night under the stars . . . My fear of carnivorous wild life sucks out what little verve is left after the thought of peeing down my leg when there are no available toilets . Although Spud has posted a very wonderful camping trip here , I am not swayed . I will camp at the Hilton , thank you very much ! I took a trip as a worldly 15 year old to Santa Fe , NM with my 9th grade class . That was fun too , if not a little harrowing . I didn 't fit in as well as those popular girls and there was a rather humiliating picture of my bum taken sticking out of my sleeping bag while I drooled on my pillow . Still , I remember the trip as one that I completely enjoyed and I took enough pictures that one of my childhood albums has remembrances in it . Another trip , I think I was around 10 or 11 years old , was back east in the summer months . I remember those travels as being very fun . It was enthralling for a " town kid " to wander the back woods of Maryland , swimming in a pool at our uncle 's and just generally having the time of our lives whiling the days away on hikes amid some very green canopies . My family never traveled extensively , but those few times we did instilled in me an appreciation for trips that I hold dear to this day . My husband travels constantly with his work these days and I am so very grateful that he is generous and gracious with me when he lets me gallivant off to some destination I have dreamt up . He has taught me that travel doesn 't have to be completely planned and " itinerary - ed " to death - some of the best trips he and I have taken were spontaneous and very ill prepared for . He has also taught me to be a confident traveler and to take it all in . So many girls start their imaginings with the basics . . . What do I want to be when I grow up ? There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a ballerina . I watched PBS incessantly hoping to wander upon a ballet that they might be showing . I would settle for modern dance , but it never held the same mystique as the fluffy Tu - Tu 'd dames that sprung across the stage in those amazingly shaped toe shoes . I would beg to watch the " Nutcracker Suite " each Christmas and I would mimic the steps and the over dramatic poses if left alone in the living room to play . At one point in my childhood , I even cut up my security blanket ( saving back one small square for emergencies ) to fashion slippers , complete with wooden alphabet blocks for the toes . It was then my family began to take my desire very seriously . . . . My mother indulged me by purchasing ballet lessons for me . I was quite the little diva , too busy making sure that my leotard and my leg warmers were just so , rather than practising technique that might push me into an actual sweat . The lessons were held in the classroom of a local school and I know it cost my mother dearly to watch , week after week while I wasted time tugging and pulling and bending my accoutrement , rather than learning the steps I so desperately needed . Amazingly , I did have some natural talent , although it took some years to become mature enough to realize it wasn 't about the outfit . My dad caught me one afternoon in our wooden floored dining room practicing my craft . He stopped me and told me right out loud that he thought I was talented , and a little later sat me down with my mother and discussed another round of lessons . This time I would be studying in a proper studio , taught by a proper Madame , with the tell - tale gnarled toes of a dancer poking out of her black footless tights . It was more Modern Dance than traditional ballet , but I was well suited to it . I enjoyed it and the few friends I made . Awkward as can be and gangley fit right in for dance . I was disappointed when after two session of Modern Dance I was not accepted into the folds of the traditional ballet class . I remember it being a technique issue as I often had my bum slapped for it 's offensive sticky - outy - ness . ( I suffered from mild scoliosis as a pre - teen . ) While I never looked back after completing my last recital with the small troupe , it gave me a verve to pursue my dreams . I realized then and there , ones dreams must always be explored . Even if I try and fail , at least I have tried and know what it felt like to see it through . Thanks Dad , for believing in me and showing me how to pursue my loves . I have talked about my grandparents quite a bit here . I know why . . . They were definitely influential parts of my childhood . I loved them very much and they are still missed in my thoughts . Much like my mother , my grandparents were incredibly strong individuals and they taught me much in the way of independence . Many hours spent in imagination - play at my grandmother 's was peppered with naps , snacks and plenty of ice cream . But the most influential thing about her was a very simple concept . I was allowed to play with almost anything I found interesting . My Nana was just very patient that way - Or maybe the old adage is true , " They just don 't make things like they used to ! " She simply wasn 't afraid I would break the stuff I played with . I was always especially intrigued with an old typewriter that sat in the upstairs hallway . When I say old , I mean the old manual driven typewriters with a silk , ink - drenched ribbon that left my fingers black more often than not . I loved sliding a piece of typewriter paper into the roller platen and hearing the click - click as it seated into it 's place . I would spend hours playing secretary , picking up the hallway phone that was mounted upstairs , taking phone messages and sitting at a rather rickety roller table that I had perched my " office " upon . I would type until my little finger tips ached from the effort of making the keys hit hard enough to impress the ink upon the page . When I tired of playing office , I would move to magazines and simply practice typing ( without looking , of course ) as the pages of the National Geographic made its way through the magic of that manual machine . I always thought it would be wonderfully romantic to be a secretary with a real reason to sit at a typewriter and tap - tap - tap out my duties . . . Many years later , I did land a job as a secretary . . . Not so glamorous , and I was definitely required to use a computer keyboard , not a typewriter . I moved from one keyboard to another during my stint in the public workforce . I always remembered the love I had for those keys and their clackity - clack that gave me so much confidence . My mother was a single mom for a lot of my childhood . I think she is an amazing woman and very very strong for having done life the way that she did . Married at 18 , me born ten months and ten days later , she did what she did the best way she knew how . I still shudder at the thought of being married at 18 - Cripe ! Some days being married at 42 is tough ! As a single mom , and a working mother at that , she did what she could to make things fun with frugality always at the root . Some of the most wonderful times I can remember of her were the nights she didn 't have to work late and we could , all us girls ( I had just a younger sister at the time ) , shop for our dinner that night . The most special of treats would be Weiner Wraps , hot dogs , and those cookies you got out of the roll . . . Mom would let us help , which for a harried and hurried mother of two was so very hard to do ( I know this because letting my little ones help was often more work than I could stand . . . ) . We would get the kitchen chairs up to the counter and mom would walk us through wrapping our hot dogs in the pastries and laying them out on the cookie sheets . Then we would wait as mom cut the roll of cookie dough into slices so each of us could take turns placing them on another sheet . I loved those nights . They were nights Mom called " Girls nights " and I remember sitting across the tiny kitchen table from her thinking how amazing she was . I wanted to grow up to be just like her , and I was going to dye my hair red so that we could match . I love thinking back to those Saturday afternoons when Mom would crank up the stereo console unit with one of her records and mop the floors and clean house like no body 's business ! I remember sliding across the basement linoleum floor in my socks after she mopped , giggling and dancing until I was breathless ! Mom would sing to herself from the records as she worked and I loved to imitate her by tying my own kerchief around my hair , just like her . . . My mom was and still is in many ways my biggest inspiration . She is a strong woman with strong opinions and fierce love for her kids . I love that about her . I have taken much from her and I call them strengths . My mom seldom reads my blog anymore . . . There are parts of me that are hard for her to read about . I understand that . . . But I hope that if I do nothing else in this lifetime , I truly convey to her how much I really love and admire her . She taught me to be exactly who I am and I love her for it ! Actually , in my defense , I sat down here to do the prelims on my monthly billing and my thumb drive didn 't have the current copy of the billing on it ! So truly , I tried . . . Albeit , not too hard . So instead , I am blogging . I 'll take what I can get at this point . The Colorado skies have been wonderfully beautiful again , mingling the most amazing clouds with a clear blue sky that is simply unbelievable ! Days have been bright and hot with afternoon showers that have my hayfield popping with what looks hopeful in the way of getting more to bale and put up for the season . . . I am impressed ! I am fighting the urge to reopen my Face Book account . . . Does anyone out there NOT have a Face Book account ? And how many of you actually like it ? Seriously . I feel left out . I am such a dork , though . . . I just know something stupid will go on and I will get my feelings all squashed and be butt - hurt ( as our Assistant Trainer says ) over nothing at all . It 's like being an addict . . . Once you get clean , you just know you can 't go back . There is no " little bit " of Face Book ! I should just stay out . Spud ! Help me out here - Tell me it 's a waste of time ! Tell me I don 't want to do it . . . ( resumes normal breathing , straightens shirt and attempts typing something more intelligent . . . ) Man is talking me into going to Durango soon . I vowed not to go since he poo - pooed my desires to have our first and probably our only family vacation in Montana at a wonderful resort . " We have mountains here , " he says . . . P - shaaaaw ! So when his attempt at a compromise included , " And I can work at a clinic as well ! " I was not interested . Why is it Man cannot understand that a vacation should not include the very horses that keep you tied to your home in the first place ? Why must I continue to explain that vacation means a trip out of the ordinary ? But he wants to take the kids . . . And I do want to go see Durango . Haven 't ever been . So I guess I will swallow my pride and my irritation , and go anyway . But I will only secretly enjoy it , so there ! Have enjoyed a wonderful couple of days with just Girl and me . . . We mesh , we two . Boys are good , and necessary , and have merit most days . But us Girls , we just rock ! I have been avoiding work long enough . . . Have some new projects coming . I often think about things I did as a kid . I believe parenting does that to you . You watch your own playing at what they will and you remember being in that wonderful place as a kid where you could while away the days inside your own imagination . I started trying to remember those things that made an impression on me , those things that I truly enjoyed doing as a kid . I plan on sharing those in hopes that some of you will join in . Tell me what you loved about being a kid where you were , some great memories that you treasure from your youth . Family trips , good friends , past times that kept you busy . . . I will show you mine if you show me yours ! ( tsk , tsk ! Keep it clean ! ) And now I must sign off . . . Billing has to be done tomorrow ! I plan on celebrating with wine . . . 7 Deadly Zins to be exact ! Pop in for a glass . . . I 'm always open for guests ! No , Ladies ( and Gent ! ) ! I am speaking about the innumerable hours spent listening to a rather fat , balding man drivel on for hours about his wondrous insurance company and why he is the best and why I should buy and why I will never ever be complete without it - Until of course he asks what Man does for a living . . . A freaking week later ! Um , did you see the rather dark and swarthy man out there on the horse ? It is , after all , the middle of the day . . . And , well , he is riding a HORSE ! I sat through this man 's " no pressure " presentation , which took him over an eye - twitching hour and a half to complete , only to have him call me up today to ask me two more questions about horse training , which then culminated in him telling me , " I think you should check out Blah - Blah Insurance for your husband . . . " WTF ? ? ? ? ? ? Why would I want to do that ? What happened to , " We are the best , we are what you need , we can solve all manner of issues . . . " What happened to that ? " Well , horse training is a rather dangerous occupation . . . " No duh , Sherlock ! Could that be why I need INSURANCE ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? I listened to this idiot prattle on about his parasitical infection ( no joke , he gave details and all . . . . Ugh ( shudder ) ) and the fact that he is a pilot , blah - blah - drivel - drivel . . . . All to be told that it was a complete waste of my time , because they will not cover Man . He is my only source of income ! If he ain 't covered , Einstein , I don 't need your insurance ! ! ! ! ! ! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Spud hit it on the head the other day . . . I have a thing for desks . It is a dark obsession and one the I struggle with in constancy . . . Mostly because I am absolutely out of room to put another stick of furniture in my home and there are still so many really awesome cool desks out there to be purchased , perused and possibly purloined ! Don 't judge me ! I told you I had a problem right from the start . I know it is a problem because I would have more , if I only had the room ! I 'm not sure what it is . . . It could be that a writer always needs a good desk , or that I have a serious attachment to things that hold sentimental value . I don 't really care what the cause is . I enjoy each desk for what it is . And maybe if I rearrange the bedroom , I could fit another desk in there . . . It 's here ! Yeah ! I am so happy . . . ( Despite Google 's aggravating habit of turning the picture , no matter how I save it to my computer the CORRECT way . . . ) It is the start of the return of my creative side ! The booklet that I place in two Dr 's offices is a small advertisement venture that features my work in paper craft and other original works . It took about an hour and a half to get the booklet pieced together on the Internet and a week to get here , but it was well worth it ! It has opened my eyes to the fact that I NEED to do those creative things to feel better - A lot like getting outside after our grueling winter months ! I have the most wonderful space created . . . It is not what some would call " wonderful " , but it sparks in me that creative thing - That unnameable thing that makes me tick with joy and verve . It is in this space that I feel alive and refreshed , useful and original , absolutely adequate ! Drawers filled with rubber stamps , drawers stuffed with papers of every color , boxes of ribbon and bits of little jewels , wire , markers , paper flowers , beads , pens and innumerable other little spots of creative bliss that make me think , " What can I make with that ? " I have always been a card person . . . A note here and there , a handwritten letter - They always seem to mean more than a hastily tapped out email . I know I smile when I get something in the mail that actually comes in an envelope and took the sender at least a quick second to put together . . . When Man and I were newly married , only five years or so , his grandparents passed on . In the span of 5 months he lost first his grandmother , Nana , and then his grandfather , Pappy . We were asked to please come to their home and peruse their things to see if there was anything we would like to keep as a remembrance of our years together . This has always been such an incredibly creepy and difficult thing for me to do , despite the well meaning traditions behind it . It seems so vulture - like , scavenging through some one 's precious things and determining what you will discard of their life and what you will take away . Yuck . Despite my misgivings , we went . It was there that we discovered Nana 's desk . It had been her mother 's before her , and it seemed no one had room or wanted to move it into their own home . I stood before her desk and breathed very quietly to my husband that I would love to have her desk . It spoke to me . . . For whatever reason , my wish was granted and we carted the lovely ( if a little worn ) desk home . Upon opening that top drawer , I found cards . . . Stacks and stacks , categorized by event . Nana had always been the one to send you a card on your birthday , a card to wish you well when you were ill , a card for anniversaries . . . That was Nana 's knack . While I was never as organized or as attentive as Nana , I decided to make a feeble attempt at keeping up the hand written note . I am picky . I used to spend hours in the card and stationary sections of stores and I used to spend A LOT of money to ensure that I had just the right card for just the right occasion . Sometimes I couldn 't find what I envisioned and it frustrated me . And so I started making my own . I cannot say my current card making is spend thrift . On the contrary , I have thousands of dollars of supplies to make up my card room . But I can say that when you receive a card from me , I thought about you the entire time I made it . I smiled about who you are to me . I made sure that each and every component , from the color and texture of the paper , to the small details I included just for you would make you smile and remember how very special you are . . . I like that . It makes my heart smile ! Yes . . . It is true . I 've been hiding from the fact that I have been laid out , flat on my back , weeping big , sad , doleful tears because I let it get the best of me . What got the best of me ? Everything . Nope , not being vague here , or trying to spare any feelings . Everything piled up and landed squarely on my shoulders until I was hunched over , couldn 't turn my head and had a rather lovely eye twitch . . . A camera capturing that would have sworn I 'd escaped the bell tower in some Slavic country . . . . I have never pretended to be sane . I have never ( hopefully ) projected some false image that I have it all together . I was a little shocked that I would be so utterly laid low by my own body . Ungrateful traitorous thing , this body of mine ! I seriously thought I handled it well . Ahem . . . Yeah . I live in Egypt , right on de - Nile . It always starts , this crazy spiral down of mine , about this time . . . June / July is terrifyingly sparse . And I do it alone due to Husband 's hectic travel plans . This year ? Well , this year was a little different and just enough so that I pushed over the edge and kind of hung there like Wile E . Coyote , until Man returned home and my body felt the release of the adrenaline . It was replaced with pain , severe , mind numbing , unavoidable , devastating pain . After being largely on my own for about 7 weeks ( Man was in and out , home about 17 days from the middle of May to the second week in July ) , having added the third business a little over a year ago and little sleep my lovely , usually reliable bod said , rather loudly , " SCREW YOU ! " and took an extended vacation from supporting my head . Literally felt like a bobble head doll on crack , randomly yelling out , " Ow ! " and gripping my neck for no apparent reason . So what 's the point of this rant , you might ask ? Especially since you have just arrived from Allie 's wonderful recommendation that you come here ? ( Usually I am very far from serious . . . Hang in there with me . . . ) Well , er . . . I am wondering , how do you do it ? How do you reevaluate your life when it seems that you have lived an amped up life for so long that you need to find a " new bottom " - And get your mind out of the gutter ! I don 't mean a new bum ! I mean a new level of normal . . . There are far more drastic and tragic ways lives are changed for ever than mine , but I am struggling to find my new bottom . And I need to find it desperately ! ( Snickers at thought of actually losing one 's bum ! ) You will be happy to know that I have gotten out my essential oils again , Muse , and that I have convinced my aromatherapist / Massage therapist lady that I will be a good girl and come once a month if she will see me ( She really is magical ! ) . . . I have been busy the last day or so planning another girlfriend trip to lovely Vegas ( Allie , you really should come someday ! It isn 't scary at all - And you were so close in Reno ! ) , that has helped my mood tremendously ! I take a nap each afternoon , or at least allow myself some down time to do " whatever " . I have also rekindled my second business , which was actually started to feed that creative side of me and which I let simmer on the back burner when things got hectic . . . So I am trying . . . . Sometimes life feels a lot like a long hallway with lots of doors . Some are unlocked and look rather inviting . Some have rather creepy noises coming out of them and I walk quickly by . . . I am hoping one of them has a wonderful friendship behind it and maybe some well thought out advice ! Yes , I have more than once considered throwing it out . . . The plant , not the cat . The cat would and has come back . As you can see the plant is just not one of those Ooooh Ahhhh kinds of plants . It is straggly and ragged and very ahem - well , different ! The last time I seriously considered throwing it out , my best girlfriend told me " NO ! Don 't give up ! You just haven 't found its happy spot . . . Let 's try here ! " And she moved his little stand to the very place you see it now . I tossed it water on occasion . . . I even fertilized it every now and then . Not because I have any kind of love for the thing , I simply had extra left in my can . It has been here over a year , virtually unnoticed . Quite the sweet little blossoms , don 't you think ? I sure do ! The plant is still hideous , if you ask me . But the fact that it is finally happy enough to send me an encouraging little flower - Well that seals its place by the back door for as long as I can keep it alive . So actually , no promises ! So , yup . . . There it is . I said it . I would have rather that today didn 't come . I am depressed , frustrated and downright disappointed in myself . Yesterday , despite my misgivings and irritation at being the only person in our family that gives a crap , I cleaned . I vacuumed , I swept , I straightened and I dusted . I cleaned up all the piles of unfiled papers and threw away loads of unimportant crap and papers and mailings . . . Or so I thought . I am very unsure if all I tossed was of the tossable nature , as now I cannot find a set of registration papers for a horse that I desperately need . And the most frustrating part is that I can somewhere in my foggy brain remember seeing the papers and saying to my self , " Self , one should take care of such important papers immediately ! " I do remember that . Can I remember what the papers came in ? Or if I left them in such container ? Can I remember what the blast I did with them ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! Nope . Can 't . Can I find them now ? Nope . At this point , with fighting siblings in the background , I am ready to check myself into the looney bin . I am not even afraid of all the crazy people that reside there . I think it might even be more a vacation than I have had in months ! Yes , it 's true . . . I am a first rate Procrastinator . . . I hate to clean . Thus my home has not seen the sight of thevacuum in almost 3 months . I know , I know . . . Ick . . . It is a sort of protest , but alas it isn 't working ! No one seems to give a rat 's arse that our home is overrun with dog hair , mud and various other items that just seem to pile up and disappear into the background of our lives . This morning , I informed my husband that I had a friend showing up this afternoon . . . He looks at me panicked and spits out , " What about this house ? ? ? " ARE YOU KIDDING ME ? ? ? ? ? ? Of course I will clean it up now . Because I want to do something fun and I am not about to be embarassed about the fact that my family doesn 't care how we live . I will clean up , vacuum , mop and dust to make sure that my friend thinks we don 't live like swine . . . But I know the difference . As a light aside to my Rant . . . Aren 't the cows cute ? These are those mini herefords and they are just adorable . . . Still snot ridden , fat , stinky cows , but they are cute in the way of . . . . well . . . I 'm not sure . . . Maybe thinking cows are cute is strickly an ailment of living out here in the boonies . I stopped to take a few snaps with my phone on my way to get groceries . Mom , Pop and little Dude looked at me in amazement . . . What could I possibly want a pic of them for ? Ahem - And now your famous , Mini - Bovine Family ! : - : I love watching the birds at the feeders . It just makes me smile and feel like the hostess with the mostest ! Even the birdies agree ! I love the songs they sing and the colors . . . Red winged black birds and finches ! The finches have finally come ! ! ! As I sit here and type , I have four of the lovely colorful buggers feeding right now ! Gorgeous ! : - : I do not appreciate the way the deer are now helping themselves to the bird feeders , under cover of darkness , of course . They have now bent the pole and it is listing sideways in a rather alarming manner ! I don 't mind sharing the seed - I understand from the singing and squawking that is is quite delectable . Just don 't ruin my flimsy pole ! And please quit abusing the feeders so much that you dump the seed out on the ground . . . : - : Have been considering a sneaky paint attack . . . One of those clandestine moments in which you garner the help of an equally sneaky friend and paint a room the color you want without asking permission or help from the man . I know what I want , and it is rather dramatic - although also very popular in home decor right now , and I know that Man will not necessarily hop right on board . I might just get it done - Or I might just chicken out ! : - : Took me three days , but I am rid of June 's billing ! I hate June on many levels , but this one was particularly vexing . After 5 horse shows , unraveling the mess that was the billing became a larger than life task . I only hope that we can make it through the next few months . It looks a little grim on the business front . : - : I am on the last chapter of my book endeavor . I think this last chapter is particularly hard because I am right in the middle of living it . I think it is also hard because I seem to be mourning the process and feeling like it is coming to a close . When I was young and finished a book I was reading , I would sometimes cry when it was over . Really good books do that to you , they leave an empty space inside you where their characters used to live . With my own writing , it feels slightly similar . I love what God is doing with it and I am loathe to stop . . . : - : I am finally ready to give the house a very good cleaning . . . I have been in a funk as of late and my house has suffered for it . There isn 't one room that is company approved and that is about to end , my friends ! Today I shop for food , tomorrow I CLEAN ! ! ! : - : I have noticed that my blog reading has narrowed to a few folks I can relate to . Oh , I still have those ethereal blogs in my read list , they just don 't hold sway the way they used to . I don 't have desire to read them much . Maybe I will delete them from my list , but probably not . I never know when the photography alone might just catch my eye . : - : The sound of running horses is the most exhilarating sound I know . It strikes in me a chord of fearful excitement mixed with awe at the beauty of their physique . There just isn 't anything as beautiful to me as a running , powerful horse . : - : A week away has drug my little flower garden into the land of weeds . Ugh . I now have about two hours work getting the sprouted grass and dandelions yanked back out of there . I will enjoy it , I am sure , but I do look at it with a bit of chagrin . I wanted the garden , I hate weeding with a blazing passion ! : - : One of my bloggy friends has reminded me that my cutting remarks , though often not heard by others , are still not the right way to respond . I have learned this lesson before , but I know I have allowed old habits to creep back in and set up shop . Thanks , Ally , for being real and sharing something that I needed a reminder of . . . The nape of both children 's necks . . . There is just something about it that never changes . From the time they were babies to now , I love the way my kids smell - Well , mostly ! My only perfume " Design " . It was the only perfume I had when we got married and the only one I took with me on our honeymoon . That light and flowery scent with a hint of citrus will transport me back to days when my tummy was flat and my love was new . Fresh baked bread . Funny that someone with Gluten intolerance is drawn to the one thing she cannot have . . . OK , not so much funny as tragic ! But I still get to bake Gluten Free bread . Puppy Breath . It is all together the best smell ever ! I love the way they smell just a bit like wild onion . In their exuberance to greet you , puppy breath means you got the best of their love , all at once ! Peaches . Don 't know why , but it instantly makes me smile ! I have no specific memories , but a box of fresh peaches from the local nursery will have me breathing deeply over it 's contents for minutes at a time . I mean , isn 't there ? Hope that another day spent cleaning the barn will be appreciated , hope that we can get all the horses turned out without incident and drama , hope that we can have just a little more God - delivered stretched time to get just a little more done before we have to leave in the morning . . . I am hopeful . I am hopeful that visiting the Man in OKC will not be a dreadful and sweltering experience . I am hopeful that he will be happy to see me and not be pouty about his horses or his ride or how hot it is ( he is such a pansy in hot weather ) . I am hopeful that the trip will end with seeing my sis - in - law , whom I adore , and having saved up enough chuckle time to smile sweetly later in the summer . Can you tell it has been one of those days ? Well , one of those weeks , actually ! I don 't know what it is , but when Shane leaves the ranch there will inevitably be something that I have to deal with that is very decidedly the territory of boy - decision - land . Cars , the well pump , major horse issues , fencing blunders , etc . It always seems to crop up when Man is out of pocket and cannot be reached . Today started out with a small list of tasks I wished to complete before I headed back to the ranch to get the kids and go summer clothes shopping . I needed to go to the bank ( check ) , wash the car and wipe it down inside ( check ) , get the oil changed in the car ( screeeeeeeeeech ! ) - And there I became irrefutably mired in Boy - Land ! Why is it when you have boobs ( Yes , I said the b - word and I know I may pop up on some unsavory searches . . . ) men instantly think you cannot possibly understand logic ? Makes me insane ! Husband is somewhat of a gear head and I have been around garages for our entire 18 year relationship . I had to , or I would have not been his girlfriend . . . But I digress . So I know when a mechanic pulls me out of my seat in the waiting room to " show me something " , I am about to get really pissed off . Both because he is about to piss me off and because he is about to try to stick to his story . . . My lovely Ford Edge needed new brake pads on the rear wheels and some might say the rotors needed turning . I asked the mechanic if we could get away with a pad - slap ( very gear - headed - lingo of me ! ) and I would deal with the rotors when I returned ? He was obviously surprised that I knew that term and he stopped talking to me like an imbecile at that point . Good choice , Sparky ! Manager - Man was not so smart . . . He tried to tell me that the coupon I had for the brake job was not going to cut it and that the labor was more for different brands of pads . Um . . . . Gee , Mr Manager , Do I look like my boobs are in my ears ? Or my eyes ? Do I look stupid to you ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Tell me that there is a difference in labor from one brand of pad to another - Are you wanting me to leap over the counter and wrap your tie around the ceiling fan ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Gimme a break ! I looked him squarely in the face and said , " You do realize that that is about the stupidest thing I have ever heard ? " and then I mumbled , " I wish my husband were here ! " It is so amazing to me that all at once , the tire rotation suddenly was free , the battery terminal service was removed from the order , and the brake job was reduced by $ 20 . Hmmmm . . . . And if that was not bad enough boy - behaviour , yesterday I spent the majority of my day arguing with an Ebay goober that requiring cash payment was against Ebay policy . DUDE ! Seriously ? Do you think I was born yesterday ? ? ? ? I am NOT sending you cash ! ! ! You put the item on Ebay , you can abide by the rules of Ebay and accept PayPal as a form of payment or I 'm not buying your crap ! Idiot actually had the b * * * s to threaten me with " negative feedback " and report me to Ebay . . . Amazing how that fizzles when you tell them you have already talked to Ebay - Gods and confirmed that you are within your rights to cancel the sale . So leave your negative comments , DUDE ! You are sooooooo busted ! ( I did get my way , BTW . Because I ROCK ! ) He got awful cordial and apologized multiple times after that revelation . . . Ugh . Yeah , I 'm not good at following those Random Tuesday bits , or Wordless Wednesdays , I pretty much suck at any kind of structure type . . . Makes me a good entrepreneur , I guess ( not a good speller ) . I still have the random days and I feel the need coming on now . While waiting until next Tuesday may make for a larger , more interesting , more complex list , I will not wait ! I 'm spoiled like that . So here goes my list : Why is it I have been counting calories for over a month now and have only lost 4 pounds ? I hate to think that I actually have to start exercising . . . I don 't like 40 - something already ! I LOVE MY MACS ! ! ! ! ! It is incredibly nice to have machines that just work and allow me to get so much more done in a day ! Sa - Weet ! Does someone out there have a house - cleaning genie they wouldn 't mind sharing ? If he looked like that Prince of Persia , I wouldn 't mind either . . . ( Even Girls blushes when she talks about Jake . . . ) Still loving my phone . . . Think I have found the answer to iPhone not playing nice with Verizon . But be warned , if the iPhone comes to Verizon - I know I will have to get one ! On the same note , still very much in love with the Edge - mobile . Have had so many folks just stop me and ask how I like my car . . . It is really a sweet ride , as one of my daughter 's friends once said . It too has a free pass in my book and a home for the long haul . Hope I haven 't bored you to tears . . . But then , isn 't that what blogging is all about ? Blogging like no one is reading and just for your own sanity ? I am sure that is part of how it all started . . . Like Liz , I think I am ready to do some drastic simplification ! What do you say when you have regained your speech after a bout with wordlessness ? I guess it depends on the situation . Sometimes , it is just better to stay silent ! And so today , a month later , I reflect on all the myriad resons I choose to love my man , despite his failings and my own . Because , unlike the ethereal nature of today 's love affair with " feelings " , I choose to believe that love is a choice . It is a choice you make each and every morning when you awaken to love the man sleeping with his mouth open and snoring profusely . I choose not to hit him over the head in the same sleeping state for making me mad in a dream . . . I choose to love him . And I am grateful he chooses to love me back and not trade me in for the newer , thinner , more compliant model . . . Enough gush and goo . . . Love is my choice even today when it is blazingly hot and Man wants me to traipse down to the horse show once again - Because he misses me ! ( Collective " awwwwww " cue . . . . now ! )
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" Some people are biologically programmed to fatten up on few kilojoules and are less able to turn food into physical activity . Exactly why this is so remains uncertain . It may be genes or upbringing ( or more likely both ) . Whatever the reason the tendency to gain weight is not due to laziness or lack of willpower , nor can it be ' cured ' with appetite suppressants , drugs , fasts or fad diets . Apparently I was about 10lbs at birth so maybe I wasn 't intended to be small ? ? I have seen photographs of my birth mother and she certainly couldn 't be said to have been sylph - like so genes obviously play a big part there . Upbringing ? Yes we ate butter , Mum used lard in cooking , we kept the dripping from the roast etc . etc . Of course we also exercised a whole lot then as many people didn 't have cars when I was young so walking was a big part of our life . Also I danced a lot and played tennis , things that many young people don 't do these days . At 35 I returned to the work force and a very sedentary job so the weight went up a little but I was still able to do lots of walking which was good . Then the really bad arthritis set in later in life and I was unable to exercise as I once did ( couldn 't even go for a walk any more ) and the weight went on and stayed on regardless of changing my type of diet or food intake . OK I am a fat person now and have never been skinny ; but just a normal weight for years . So many articles one reads these days tell us that if we are fat we are doomed . We have to try and live with that prediction and hope that as is often the case with predictions that this one just won 't come true too soon . As MOH and I are both diabetics we try to be as careful as we can with our food intake . . . both quality and quantity . Many of the recipes in the magazines we receive from Diabetes Australia don 't give nutrition information which I find hard to understand and often include ingredients that we feel we perhaps shouldn 't include in our diet . However , in the Spring 2010 edition I found 4 wonderful recipes taken from " Fighting Diabetes : hundreds of everyday tips to transform your health and live longer " . Apparently this is a book published by Reader 's Digest . Anyway here are 2 recipes that sound really good and which we intend to try shortly : Sprinkle the fish fillets lightly with salt and pepper . Heat the olive oil in a large pan over a medium heat . Add the fish and saute on both sides until lightly browned , about 8 - 10 minutes . Remove the fish from the pan . Add the onion and garlic . Saute for 2 minutes . Add the chopped tomatoes and tomato puree and bring to the boil . Lower the heat and add the balsamic vinegar or red wine . Simmer over a low heat for about 20 minutes . Add the basil and oregano . Simmer for 3 minutes . Serve the fish topped with the tomato sauce . Whisk together 3 tablespoons of non - fat mayonnaise . 1 tablesppon of lemon juice , half a teaspoon of lemon zest and pepper to taste . Add to the rice salad and toss well . Today I decided that task could wait no longer so the sorting has begun . Now of course comes the big question . Which ones to keep ? Which ones not to keep ? I have probably 100 or more photos that were taken when we were in New Zealand in 1982 which have just been sitting there ! ! I showed MOH today and asked him to sort out those not to keep . Why did I bother ? " I 'd keep them all . " was his response . Oh well , why not . One day somebody else will ask why we had bothered to keep them and they would probably ditch them as they 'd mean nothing to anyone but us . So much fun ! ! Family photos as well are difficult to decide to keep or not to keep . Sometimes one has photos that are not terribly good but they are of a particular event or person of which there are no other pics . I think I will have to get back to Creative Memories and set about creating more albums . They fortunately may be of some use to family in years to come . Then of course there are photos sent by relatives of MOH who are of course in England . I have to match the prints I 've had made with those in my computer so I know who is who . Wow ~ that is going to be a big task in itself . Not even MOH knows who everyone is as he left the UK over 50 years ago so people born since then are strangers to him even though they are family members . Another set of photos sent to me by a cousin in Canada are of family members whom I have never met . They mean nothing to me and yet are blood relatives . Should I keep them ? There are names on some photos that perhaps I can match up with names in my family tree , also in my computer . It would seem there will be little chance of boredom if I keep to this resolution made today to get all these photographs in some semblance of order . Should keep me out of mischief for months to come but then resolution are made to be broken aren 't they ? That 's why I never make any at New Year . By this I mean get rid of stress . We diabetics are always told that stress is extremely bad for us as it has a nasty effect on our glucose levels and our well being . Many other people also have a need to try and reduce stress in their lives and the following is good advice for anyone and everyone . First get into a comfortable position and give it a try . It really does work wonders . As you know I don 't get out and about as much as I 'd like to but today I ventured out into our front garden just to see what 's what . The garden had that lovely late afternoon sun drenched look and I suddenly realised that spring IS just around the corner ; in fact only 6 days to go before our winter ends . I know I should have used my stick or walking frame but decided I would ' go it alone ' . Not a good idea perhaps as after only about 10 minutes I had to go and sit down again . Never mind , at least I got out there . I took my little camera with me and captured a few snaps of pretty things that I will share with you . I noticed the duranta had new flowers as well as last season 's berries and there was a little white daisy all on it 's own gazing up at me . I stole a glance next door and there was the wattle flowering profusely . Incidentally a lady that was here back in 2001 , one of those people that just knows everything , told us that the very pretty pale pink camellia ( pic 7 ) was on it 's way out and would be dead by the following year . We think it is doing just fine for a plant that was ' doomed ' all those years ago . It may not be as vigorous as it was when it was a young plant but it still gives us lots of pleasure . Long may it continue to bloom . I first met Judy when I began attending Perth College back in 1944 . We were in the same class together for one year before she left to go to another school . I can 't say we ever really clicked and in fact I didn 't like her all that much as she was a bit of a devil and I tended to be a rather quiet child . We met up again a few years later and became really close friends . In fact I was her bridesmaid when she married in 1950 . This photo taken as we were leaving the Anglican church in Highgate . Judy and I remained friends throughout the years , although there were times when she and I didn 't always see eye to eye , but the important thing we had in common was that we both found it easy to laugh . We found we were able to laugh at ourselves and at each other as well as many other things . Actually I remember Judy and I having a good laugh about something probably quite ridiculous only a few days before she died which I think showed her strength of character . ( Her first husband Barry shown in this photo would have celebrated his birthday yesterday . He died on Christmas Eve in 2010 ) . He was a pharmacist in Katanning for many years . I remember him well . He was a very nice gentleman . ) Just as I was about to put mum 's book down just now I remembered her writing about discrepancies in pay between men and women back in about 1916 , so I thought this may be interesting to us in the 21st century . Once again I am quoting from mum 's book . She was at the time working for the Sugar Commission in London " which had been formed to safeguard the supply of sugar to industry , the community and the armed forces and was vital to the war effort . " It was then decided to brig in a man to handle part of my work , and he was given that dealing with golden syrup and molasses . I was most annoyed to learn that he was to receive 800 pounds a year ( a large salary then ) to do only part of my work , while I had been receiving 250 pounds a year for coping with the lot . ( sorry there are no pound signs on computer keyboards ) Special applications were made to the Treasury on my behalf , but I was refused an increase as I was being paid the maximum possible for a woman without a university degree . My assistant , who also did not have a university degree , was eligible for the larger salary as he was a male . There were many such anomalies in government service , but pressure for equal pay has now resulted in better conditions for women . " " In the early days of the war we experienced raids by airships , and we could see them quite clearly . When they came after we had gone to bed at night , we all got up and went out into the street in various stages of dress or undress to watch the airships , which were clearly visible in the sky and looked like large silver cigars . When they started to come our way we all took cover . Then came the weapon which put paid to these airships . I was told it was invented by an Australian . It was an inflammable bullet to be fired into an airship from above to ignite the gas and set it on fire . There was some delay in using it because of the danger to a ' plane which would have to fly above the airship , fire the bullet , and endeavour to escape before being caught in the explosion . Eventually a Royal Air Force pilot named Robinson volunteered to fly a ' plane and use the new bullet . Many of us saw it happen . The airship came over intending to drop its bombs and then we saw the little ' plane high above . The next minute there was a terrific explosion and the airship was enveloped in flames . Although they were the enemy , most of us felt sorry for the crew of this mighty airship , as they all died in the conflagration . Needless to say , the pilot of the little ' plane was decorated for his bravery and became a hero over night . His photograph was everywhere . That bullet put paid to the airships . " On the Thursday in question we once again met our young friend , ( well at 48 he is young to us ) the youngest son of my friend Judy that died three and a half years ago . He has since then lost his dad as well so we try to keep in touch with him and he has been wonderful in touching up and enlarging some really old black and white photos of mine . Some of those photos are nearly 80 years old and he has done a fantastic job with them . When we felt we had sat for long enough in the cafe we decided , as it was such a beautiful sunny day ( although there was a brisk breeze blowing ) , we would go across the large grassed esplanade and find a seat to sit on . I wasn 't sure how well I would go walking but with my trusty walking stick and a couple of stops on the way we ( I ) made it OK . We found a vacant seat and I got to work with my little camera and took these snaps of a very beautiful place . This is looking back towards where the cafe is where we had lunch . There have been major developments in Rockingham in past years and this is a recently built block of apartments . One can only imagine the views the residents get from up there . MOH and our young friend having an animated discussion . I am so pleased that they get on so well . I just love R 's hat . He has another one he wears in summer which has lots of holes in it ( gives him better ventilation he says ) . Yes this is me . . . . I really am so happy . Visited our endocrinologist today and like MOH I don 't have to go back till February , 2013 . This will be the first time there has been a six month gap between visits which means . . . . HE IS PLEASED WITH ME . I can 't stop smiling . No , my HbA1c was not as good as I 'd hoped but at 7 . 3 % the professor seemed quite pleased so of course I am too . He asked my age and when I told him I was now 80 he said for my age that reading was quite acceptable . Big sigh of relief . A copy of the blood test results are always sent to me at home so I am forewarned of what to expect when I see the specialist or doctor but this time the pathology people let me down so not knowing the result I was fearing the worst . I did ' phone the pathology firm today and no , the results had not be sent to me but would be put into the mail today . I like to have them as it gives me a continuum to go by for myself . I also told him that my legs tended to swell up but he didn 't seem concerned and mentioned gravity . I guess with so many bits and pieces giving in to gravity as we age the fluid in the legs can be expected to be effected as well . He did ask how the legs were when I got up in the morning and when I told him they were back to normal he said that 's fine then . After being in hospital on Sunday because of wild blood pressure readings he considered all aspects of the report and said he didn 't think there was anything wrong with my heart and just to check my B / P at home occasionally . He took my B / P and it was high because of course without thinking I let him test using my left arm . When I dislocated my shoulder on that side last year I damaged my bicep muscle and the as the cuff tightened it hurt so darned much I knew the reading would high . I have to try and do more exercises at home . . . weights etc . . . so I asked him to tell MOH that he has to do them with me and so the professor in an authorative tone told MOH that he is to do that . I am hoping MOH will take heed as it is so boring doing exercises on one 's lonesome . I also read somewhere that exercises using elastic bands ( resistance exercises ) are good for diabetes so will try that too . In the drawer . . . . THE TEETH ! ! It had been a very warm night so they had decided to sleep with the french door partly open as no airconditioning in those days , not even an electric fan . It was thought ( maybe there were telltale traces ) a water rat had come into the room after climbing onto the verandah and for some unknown reason taken the teeth from the glass of water and deposited them in the drawer . Although the drawer closed at the front there was a gap at the back where a rat could easily have had access . I think from then on mum either kept the teeth in her mouth while still in Mandurah or they were put in a safe place . I know occasionally she would shudder when thinking of where those teeth had been . The story was recounted to other guests who thought the whole thing hilarious but apparently mum wasn 't convinced it was all that funny . She would also speak of what it was like to be in London during WW1 . The Germans bombed London and other places but of course it was nothing like the devastating bombing that took place during WW2 but very frightening , and sometimes deadly , for those in the city at that time . Mum said they would walk along the footpaths under the shelter of shop awnings and would hear the shrapnel bouncing off those very awnings . I believe they became rather blase about it after a time and as mum said " One just had to get on with one 's life . " Another WW1 story was when her brother - in - law Ted arrived home on leave . Apparently he was covered with body lice which was commonplace for men in the trenches . Mum said Ted was told to go immediately to the bathroom to have a hot bath and to throw his clothes out of the window into the garden so they could be fumigated . It was said he really enjoyed that hot bath and fresh clothes . Towards the end of WW1 Mum and dad were married in Woodberry Down Church in Edmonton on 22 December , 1917 . This date was chosen so she and dad could have a few days honeymoon during the Christmas holidays . She said it was impossible to buy an iced cake nor even possibly to buy the ingredients . Fortunately , after much ' phoning around mum managed to finally buy an uniced single deck cake from a firm of well - known wedding cake specialists . It cost her five pounds , a whole week 's wage and her mother iced it for her . Mum said it didn 't look too bad when finished . They were not allowed to have cars for the wedding owing to the petrol situation but dad knew someone with a car who was able to take them to and from the church and later to the station to leave on their honeymoon . Being wartime no photographs could be taken but a friend did snap a few indoor shots which apparently were rather indistinct . I never say them as they would have been destroyed in the fire that destroyed their home on the farm in Australia several years later . My back is having such a bad influence on my daily life . I find I am sitting more and more because then there is far less pain . That is not good for me . . . I need exercise but how do I get sufficient exercise is the problem . Simple household tasks are almost becoming beyond me . Today I washed and dried some dishes . I must admit there were quite a number to do but after 10 minutes my back was hurting so badly that it sort of took over the rest of my body and my mind as well . I think I am rather stoical at times but today I actually cried with the pain and the damned frustration of not being able to do a simple task like the dishes without the pain taking over . My last two visits to my wonderful physiotherapist have had her working on my right knee which is also becoming a bigger problem than before and my right thumb . Thumb ? Yes it is so full of osteo that nowadays I can 't spread my hand out properly as my thumb refuses to ' spread out ' any more . This is probably an aftermath of my being a typist for many years ( right thumb used on space bar . . . on a manual typewriter for years ) , lots and lots of sewing through the years , lots of knitting and lots of crochet . The sewing and knitting I 've had to give but am still persevering with the crochet as I like to make rugs for charity ( and family too when they ask ) . Hate to have to stop doing that . Tomorrow ( after our exercise group ) when I see Jenny I think half an hour is going to be spent on my back . Just which bits I 'm not sure but will leave it to her to decide as she seems to find the worse spots rather well . Yes , it will be painful but something has to be done so I can feel human again and be able to do simple tasks like the dishes , making the bed etc . I am sorry to have grizzled about this today but I just had to get it off my chest . I feel the stress of the pain increases my blood glucose levels and probably doesn 't help my blood pressure either . It is a real Catch 22 situation for me . I see my endocrinologist tomorrow and dread to even consider what my 3 - monthly blood glucose reading will be . I usually get my copy from the pathologist but so far it hasn 't arrived . I like to know in advance so I am prepared when I see him . Hopefully it will be in tomorrow 's post . . . . hopefully . This is a section of the mantelpiece in our living room . We no longer have open fires as the price of firewood is prohibitive and there is also the pollution that open fires can cause . I must admit since we painted the ceiling years back it is nice that it IS still white so another reason for no open fires . A pair of ceramic Siamese cats . I saw them at a Woolworths store ( before there were such stores as Big W or Woolworths Supermarkets . The shop was in Napoleon Street in Cottesloe near the office where I worked . The little cats were on a table outside the store at the huge price of just $ 1 / each . I love cats so much and we had not long lost to a road accident our dear little Siamese " Charlie Brown " . That pair of cats has since sat on a mantelpiece in 3 different houses and they are to go to my # 2 granddaughter who also has the love of cats I have . ( I would have bought the cats He checked it out and suggested I buy T / Gel from either Woolworths or Coles , which I did . I 've only used it a couple of times so I can 't as yet vouch for its effectiveness but thought someone who may have similar problems to me may benefit from this knowledge . Incidentally it has quite a pleasant smell ; not at all like tar . MOH actually commented on how pleasant the smell was which is quite unlike him and now of course he said perhaps he may use it too although he doesn 't need to . I tell you , there 's no show without Punch ! ! ! I am 85 years of age , having been born in 1932 . I am a wife , mother , grandmother , great - grandmother and a bit of an all round twit . Over the years I have done quite a lot of family genealogy and unearthed some family secrets which has been great fun . I am married with a great husband ( second time around has worked for me ) ; I have a daughter and a son , four granddaughters and two grandsons , and three fantastic great - granddaughters plus a lovely step - great - granddaughter in Alaska whom I have never met although I have seen her on Skype . I have had two total hip replacements ( June ' 08 and January ' 09 ) but as I have an extremely bad back ( neck to tail ) and a knee that won 't behave , I still can 't get about very much so am a stay at home . Maybe that is why I decided to take this drastic step and begin my own blog . Will I keep it up ? Goodness alone knows , only time will tell but here goes anyway . I don 't have a lot of followers but those I do have are very precious to me .
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+ I loved this book because of the interesting storyline and the series . My favorite character is Dan because he has a photographic memory . People who like the series would like this book . Ages ( 9 - 14 ) . + I loved the CD very much ! The pop sound is very on point with what they say it is . I like it just as much or even more than the first CD called Up All Night . The best song in my opinion is I Would or She 's not afraid . One of my least favorites was Rock me it was more hardcore than the other songs but just a little bit less of a good song than the others . It 's definitely a bubble gum pop maybe a bit of rockish pop . I think teenage girls 11 - 17 would like this CD . I love it a lot and so do some of my friends my age . + I loved this book because its plot was suspenseful . Also I liked the adventure and fighting . My least favorite character was Jeb because he was a mean mad scientist . My favorite character was Maximum Ride . She was leader of her group and trying to save the world . Also she is a bird mutant . I think people who love to read suspenseful , sci - fantasy or adventure books , should read this book . I couldn 't put this book down ! + Bad Island is a great graphic novel because it shows a disagreeing family who takes an adventure and starts acting like a real family instead of enemies . My favorite character is Reese because he 's the athletic type who likes to be alone sometimes . This would be a good book for people who like action and adventure . + I loved this book because of all the action . My favorite character is Jonah because basically he gets what he wants . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . + Ella Enchanted is one of my all time favorite books . My friend gave it to me and said that she had read her copy so many times the binding broke . I have already read it about ten times . This is a wonderful book for all ages about a girl who is cursed with obedience . And AMAZING story for sure ! + ' ' Storm Thief ' ' is a very good book . It 's full of action and adventure . Also , some fantasy . My favorite character would probably be Rail because he is determined and loves adventure . I would recommend this book to anybody who likes the ' ' Ranger 's Apprentice ' ' series or just loves action and adventure . + I really liked this book because it is showing really hard work . They trying really hard to earn money . You will have to read the rest to find out what happens between this brother and sister war ! - - * [ http : / / aries . jmrl . org / search ~ S9 / X ? life + of + pi + martel ' ' ' ' ' Life of Pi ( Movie ) ' ' ' ' ' ] book by Yann Martel - I loved this movie because of the way they made it alive . It seemed so real . My favorite character was Pi Patel because of his amazing adventure . I would love to see what I would do in his situation . I think people who are from ages 12 and up would love this movie . - - Review by Roshan , grade 7 * [ http : / / aries . jmrl . org / search ~ S9 / X ? ben + hur + wallace ' ' ' ' ' Ben Hur ' ' ' ' ' ] by Lew Wallace * [ http : / / aries . jmrl . org / search ~ S9 / X ? ben + hur + wallace ' ' ' ' ' Ben Hur ' ' ' ' ' ] by Lew Wallace Sweet Venom is a wonderful book . It is a fun , exciting take on Greek mythology . I really like the author 's style of writing , she uses descriptive language to create the atmosphere and setting . Sweet Venom is a wonderful book . It is a fun , exciting take on Greek mythology . I really like the author 's style of writing , she uses descriptive language to create the atmosphere and setting . + This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go . + + This book has what my local librarian calls " right of passage . " You have to get through the first part before the book becomes any good . That is what happened with this book . However once I got past the slow part I loved it . + There were some parts in the book that the dialogue was not the best in the world . There were a ton of times that the author made the characters say , " Oh , blah blah blah . " I do not know about you , but that makes me think that the character is sighing or having an epiphany . + I did like the depth of the characters , and the range of them . Polly Shulman has a three year old as a hero in this novel , I think that just comes to show that she thinks that anyone can be a hero , no matter what their size . Another character that you would not suspect to be a hero , Jaya , a ten year old girl . She figures out things that the teens in the novel would never figure out . + + Review by Paige , grade 10 + I think the book is very fast paced . Even when they were in the peaceful country Alex still got shot at by a bunch of spoiled stuck up boys . The action never stopped from the beginning to the end . + I loved it because it was a book based on comparison between boys & dogs and girls & cats . My favorite character was Yumi , Annabelle 's friend because of how much she loved animals . A sixth grader who was new at school and wanted to be able to blend in . + I liked this book because it was funny . The outfit designs were pretty . You can tell that Annie has a big imagination . In this book you 'll see a blast of fun and style ! + Terrier is the first book I 've read by Tamora Pierce , who people have been recommending to me for a long time , so perhaps I went into it with my expectations a little too high . Or maybe reading murder mystery books geared for adults has ruined me for reading Young Adult murder mysteries . Or it could have been that my dubious talent for spotting the hidden bad guys of a story kicked in , but by the 300th page , I knew what the ending was going to be . I knew who shadowed ( geddit ? ) antagonist was . So for me , it was a bit of a drag reading the last 200 odd pages in the book , only to have everything I 'd already known confirmed in the last five pages . Of course , as I said , my realizing the whole ending could just be one of my talents for guessing plot lines , so don 't let that turn you off of the book . I also wasn 't a fan of the first couple pages , but that 's a matter of personal style preference , so I 'll let you draw your own opinions . Now that I 've gone over what I didn 't like , I start with what I did , The heroine , Rebakah , was strong , with a large supporting cast who helped her along , but it didn 't feel like they were constantly having to rescue her out of everything . She was clever , if slightly naive , but that fades as the book progresses . Tamora Pierce certainly knows what she 's doing in creating a tough girl . The world was very interesting , and I enjoyed learning more about the Dogs , the peacekeepers of the land . They do use slightly different language , so that can take a little while to get used to , but if you 're really stuck on a word , try the glossary in the back . There 's also a character index and a list of terms it can be good to be familiar with as you learn about their world . I 'm not sure that I had a favorite character , but I was fond of Rosto , the roughish character who sweeps in a few chapters in , and Beka 's two Dogs , Turnstall and Goodwin , who are charged with training her from a training puppy into a full - fledged Dog . I would recommend this book to tweens or younger teens with a taste for resourceful , str + + I think this book is interesting because it 's about 3 fifteen year old boys who are told to find summer jobs but they will do anything to have freedom for their last summer before they enter the working world . My favorite character would be Curtis because he acts like a leader . This book is perfect for the teens who are trying to get out of there summer jobs . + First of all I liked this book because I liked how the wolves find the new land . My favorite character was Gwyneth because she was a brave owl and I love Guardian of Ga ' Hoole series . My least favorite character was Edme . She was an annoying wolf . I think people who like wolves . + Rhine Ellery lives in a futuristic society where women die at 20 and men die at 25 years of age . There are some who are researching the possibility of an antidote but few live long enough to make progress . Rhine is a strong - willed 16 year old who is kidnapped and introduced to a new wealthy lifestyle , but what she discovers is so horrible she knows she has to escape somehow . And housemaster Vaughn is watching around every corner . Is Rhine able to escape ? Is she able to find an antidote to the disease that is wiping out the human race ? Check out Wither today ! + The Serpent 's Shadow by Rick Riordan is about two kids ages 14 and 12 who are magicians . It 's about the Egyptian gods . I loved the book because it was full of adventure and action . The reason that I only give it 4 stars was because sometimes it talks in to much detail . The funniest part is when ( pretty often ) the brother and sister fight . It is told in past tense so they fight while they 're narrating . And that is what i think of The Serpent 's Shadow . + + Review by Reese + " The Hardy Boys " is an awesome chapter book series that is FULL of mysteries , on after another . The main characters are 2 teens , Joe and Frank Hardy . You should read this book if you like mysteries . + Lemonade Mouth is an interesting , inspirational book giving a heartwarming ( and heart breaking ) story on how kids can change the world just by standing up for what is right using just simple actions . Lemonade Mouth gives the story of five different teens ' point of views . Each band member had different problems and backgrounds that all real kids can relate to , but they overcome their issues through music , and rebellion ! + + I hated this book because it was boring and talked about princess and prince dating . My least favorite character was Princess Ben . Although she could magic , it was a boring story . I think people who love to read princess and magic , but I don 't like this book ! + I love reading books by John Green and Looking for Alaska was especially interesting because of the recurring theme of a labyrinth of suffering and what our purpose here on Earth is . The characters were vivid and I enjoyed Miles ' habit of " collecting " last words from people . This book is a thought pondering adventure that was very entertaining to read . I would only recommend this book to mature teenagers due to certain elements not suitable for younger ages . But if you are mature and like a good book , any of John Green 's books are awesome to read ! + I liked it because it was an interesting story . I had a book , and my favorite character was Emmett . I would think that this book would be for 14 + ages . I would think this book would be for fans of romantic , vampire books or movies . + This is a wonderful Southern Gospel cd . The Cathedrals were a + wonderful group . My Favorite song on this cd is " I Can See the Hand " . I also like several other ones a lot . Others I like are " A Wonderful Time Up There " , " The Last Sunday " , " Echoes from the Burning Bush " , and " The Love of God " . This is a collection of songs from different recordings the group did and has several different members of the group on it . Of course it has George Younce and Glen Payne who were with the group the whole time . I Think this is a wonderful cd and is definitely worth listening to . + I really liked this cd . It is really good and has many of the best Southern Gospel groups ever . My favorite songs are " I Never Shall Forget the Day " , " I Know " , " Jesus is Coming Soon " , " This Old House / When the Saints go Marching in " , and " Give the World a Smile " . There were not any that I really did not like although I did have favorites . If you really like Southern Gospel you will really like this cd . Even though I am thirteen and really like it most of the time this kind of music would be something more adults would like . + I really liked this cd . Jake Hess was one of the best singers ever and this cd is a tribute to him put together by Bill Gaither with a bunch of recordings of him . My favorite song is \ " Up Above My Head \ " with him and George Younce singing . Most of these songs were from the Gaither Homecoming videos and some were really old videos of him . One funny one was where they were singing \ " The Fourth Man \ " with Jake Hess , Tim Lovelace , Rex Nelon , George Younce , and another guy . they did it several times to get it right . I think every body would like this if they tried it . + This movie was one of the best ever made . IT is an older movie and is in black and white , and it is still one of the best . It is a really funny movie . My favorite character was Andy Griffith playing as Will Stockdale , but I also like his friend Ben and Sergeant King . It is a really good movie . I like it a lot . I think anybody would like it . I would definitely recommend watching it sometime . It is a movie worth watching . + This was one of the best cd 's ever . It was done in 1995or1996 I 'm not exactly sure . IT was celebrating the Speer Family having been a group for seventy five years . The singers are Brock Speer , Faye Speer , Ben Speer , Mary Tom Speer Reid , and Rosa Nell Speer Powell . There were also a few other people which sang with them on certain songs . They were Eddy Bolton , Karen Apple , Harold Lane , Allison Durham Speer , Marc Speer , and few others . My favorite song is " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " . I did not like " All Day Singin ' and Dinner on the Ground " . I thought that song sounded strange and not like Southern Gospel normally does . By the way the Speer Family was a Southern Gospel group so this cd of course has Southern Gospel music on it mainly and few other songs . One I like is " What a Day That Will Be " with Brock Speer singing one verse and Eddy Bolton singing another . My favorite singer on this disc and out of the group is Ben Speer . He normally sang the lead or tenor for the group . This is an old cd and Brock Speer has now passed away and the others are older now and are not singing as a group . I think it is wonderful to have this recording of them all singing . They also sang several songs that G . T . Speer , their father wrote . These include " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " , " Some Glad Day " , " Sweeter Each Day " , " The Dearest Fried I Ever Had " , and " Heaven 's Jubilee " . I think the Speer Family was the best Southern Gospel Group ever . This would probably appeal to older adults because many younger people may not have even known of the group and if they are not Christians and don 't like Southern Gospel they would not like it either . I really like it though and I am only thirteen . I think if younger people were introduced to this kind of music they would like it as well as I do . It is wonderful music . I think this cd is definitely worth trying to find if you don 't have it , and it is a great cd to listen to . + I thought this was a great movie . It was really funny and my sister and I liked it so much that we watched it seven times within a span of about a month . It was really neat how they were all racing to get there and find the big W . It showed several cars driving really fast and racing down the roads . It also had a lot of funny people in this movie . I think m favorite character was Captain Culpepper . There were several really funny parts in it as well . A few were Phil Silvers as Otto Meyer driving his car down the stream into the river , the Crumps getting locked in the basement of the store and their attempts to get out ( which they finally did ) , and Captain Culpepper talking on the phone with his daughter Billy Sue and when he threw his hat out the window . One art that you probably should skip though is the part where Mrs . Marcus talks to Sylvester , her son , on the phone because he was with this girl and this girl was not wearing enough and they had not good music on in the background . Mrs . Marcus talks to him three times and two out of three you should skip . Sylvester himself is fine to watch later because he was a really funny character in the movie and is fine after that . This movie was done in the sixties so it is a pretty old movie , but it is great and is definitely worth finding and watching sometime . It would appeal more to older kids and adults . Younger kids would not understand the funny things in this movie and might find it not very interesting as I did when I was a lot younger . It has really funny stuff and not any of the bad or crude humor that you would find in lots of \ " funny \ " movies today . This was wonderful movie that everyone should see . + I loved this movie because of the way they made it alive . It seemed so real . My favorite character was Pi Patel because of his amazing adventure . I would love to see what I would do in his situation . I think people who are from ages 12 and up would love this movie . Ratings are on a scale of 1 to 5 , with 5 being the best . Newest reviews appear at the top of the list for each star rating . Contents I loved this book because of the interesting storyline and the series . My favorite character is Dan because he has a photographic memory . People who like the series would like this book . Ages ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved the CD very much ! The pop sound is very on point with what they say it is . I like it just as much or even more than the first CD called Up All Night . The best song in my opinion is I Would or She 's not afraid . One of my least favorites was Rock me it was more hardcore than the other songs but just a little bit less of a good song than the others . It 's definitely a bubble gum pop maybe a bit of rockish pop . I think teenage girls 11 - 17 would like this CD . I love it a lot and so do some of my friends my age . I loved this book because its plot was suspenseful . Also I liked the adventure and fighting . My least favorite character was Jeb because he was a mean mad scientist . My favorite character was Maximum Ride . She was leader of her group and trying to save the world . Also she is a bird mutant . I think people who love to read suspenseful , sci - fantasy or adventure books , should read this book . I couldn 't put this book down ! Bad Island is a great graphic novel because it shows a disagreeing family who takes an adventure and starts acting like a real family instead of enemies . My favorite character is Reese because he 's the athletic type who likes to be alone sometimes . This would be a good book for people who like action and adventure . I loved this book because of all the action . My favorite character is Jonah because basically he gets what he wants . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . Ella Enchanted is one of my all time favorite books . My friend gave it to me and said that she had read her copy so many times the binding broke . I have already read it about ten times . This is a wonderful book for all ages about a girl who is cursed with obedience . And AMAZING story for sure ! Storm Thief is a very good book . It 's full of action and adventure . Also , some fantasy . My favorite character would probably be Rail because he is determined and loves adventure . I would recommend this book to anybody who likes the Ranger 's Apprentice series or just loves action and adventure . I really liked this book because it is showing really hard work . They trying really hard to earn money . You will have to read the rest to find out what happens between this brother and sister war ! I really liked this book ! It was full of adventure and a little bit of mystery . Doon and Lina are the main characters that go on an amazing and exciting adventure trying to escape the city because soon the city lights are going to go out forever ! This book is good if you like adventure . First of all , I liked this book because every page I read was full of suspense . It wasn 't a boring book . My favorite character was Lady America and my least favorite character was Prince Maxon . It 's a young adult book . If you like to read fantasy stories and romance stories you should read it . " All who accept this challenge to the 39 clues will receive a clue that might lead you to the most important treasure in the world and make you powerful beyond belief or it might kill you . " ( page 20 ) . I loved this book because of the great idea Rick Riordan had to make a quest for 39 clues . I loved the way he incorporated historical facts with a modern day quest . My favorite character was Dan Cahill because he has a photographic memory . I think it would be cool for you to just look at something and memorize it quickly . I think kids from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . The race continues to find the 39 clues that safeguard a great power , and 14 year old Amy Cahill and her younger 11 year old brother Dan are shocked to find themselves in the lead . I loved this book because the clues revolve around a different historical figure this time it was Mozart . I enjoyed learning about Mozart 's life , and visiting museums and famous cities where Mozart preformed . My favorite character was Dan because he likes anagrams and puzzles just like me . I think people who liked the Maze of Bones would like this book . The Sword Thief was another good clue hunt . I was surprised that Amy & Dan teamed up with Uncle Allistair and then added Ian & Natalie to find the 3rd clue . I liked this book because of the way it was written . I just couldn 't put the book down . My favorite character was Dan because he loves math and is good at it just like me . People who liked book # 1 and # 2 would love this book . I loved this book because I could never put it down . I read it everyday . My favorite character was Amy because she can see the big picture . I think people who like the rest of the series and kids in middle school would like this book . I LOVED this book because of it 's inspiring story . though it isn 't action packed I think it 's a page turner . The story was about love , friendships , trust and hope during an immense change in a girl 's life . OF all the books I 've read in all eleven years of my life Paint the Wind is my favorite . Review by Mekenzie , grade 5 First of all , I loved this book because I wondered what happened to Alianne . My favorite character was Alianne because she was a brave spymaster . My least favorite character was Sarai because she was beauty but annoying character . I think people who are interested with fantasy , violence , and monarchy should read this book . Review by Lynn , grade 11 The Selection by Kiera Cass I loved it because the last time I read book 2 , I adored it . However , I didn 't know there was book 1 , so I read it . My favorite character is Lady America because she was a nice and shy lady . My least favorite character is Prince Mason . I didn 't like his personality and his background . I think people who like reading fantasy and young adult books . Also people should read it because every page I read was filled with suspense . Review by Lynn , grade 11 Some of my friends had me get this from the library , they talked about it so much that I just had to check it out . And I am so happy that I did . Cass had me hooked from the very first paragraph . I stayed up until midnight reading this and as soon as I finished it I bought the second one on my nook . THE SELECTION is a beautiful written book that I am going to read over and over again until I get so sick of it I put it in a box and put it in my closet until I go to college . The thing I loved most about this book was hearing about all of the outfits the Selected got to wear to all of the events . It made me wish I liked there even though they have a caste system worst ( and in some ways better ) than the one they used to have in India . In this novel all of the gowns that the young ladies wore were hand sewn by each of the Selected personal maids . If someone asked who my favorite character was I would have to say America because she is so independent and so opinionated . I feel that is the way all women should be , well most anyway . I like how she talks the Prince Maxon sometimes , she treats him as an equal not like a One ( the highest caste . ) You see more of this personality in the second book , which I loved . The thrilling squeal to Wither , main character Rhine continues on her journey to find her brother and reach her home back in Manhattan . Rhine and her friend / lover Gabriel trek up the East Coast of a futuristic America . But while they get closer and closer to their goal , Rhine gets more and more sick . Dangerously high fevers and ultra severe flu symptoms show up but there is no cure until . . . one day , her old enemy shows up on her doorstep when she is at her weakest point ! What happens to Rhine ? Does she find her brother ? Read this fast paced adventure to discover her journey . Cactus aka Yamada - San asked out Fujioka - Kun , but was rejected . Then a snobby rich prep student comes in and makes a scene ! Fujioka - Kun is not happy . Yamada - San bumps into an old friend of Fujioka - Kun 's . Things get crazy ! The rich boy fed up with Fujioka - Kun . He makes a plan to get Fujioka - Kun expelled , and it works . Yamada - San pleads for the rich boy to let Fujioka - Kun back in school ! So , to prove the rich boy 's love , he let 's him back ! But who knows what they will do ! ? I love this series ! It 's 1 of my favorite series and this book was 1 of my favorite book in the series . I like how Harry found this connection to Voldemort even though it lead to Someone 's death . I also like the connection because it shows he 's actually 1 of the few people who can defeat him . My favorite character was Harry mainly because he 's the person the series is about . I LOVE HARRY POTTER ! ! ! Review by Lipi , grade 7 If you 're reading this it 's too late is an exciting book written by Pseudonymous Bosch . It 's a thrilling novel mixed with humor and suspense . My favorite character is the Homurculus . It is a small creature that is grumpy and has a humorous but bad attitude . My least favorite character is Mr . L . He is a evil man determined to have a young life forever . He goes to extrmeme ways . People in middle and elementary school will enjoy this book . Especially people who enjoy thrills . Out of My Mind is a wonderful book for all ages . The main character , Melody , is disabled and I love stories that show people doing something unthinkable . My favorite character was Melody because of her personality , and my least favorite characters were Rose and Claire . Rose seemed nice , but then let Melody down , and Claire was just plain mean all the time . I think that this is an excellent book and that everyone should read it . Project Sweet Life is an amazing book because it 's so interesting how these 15 year old boys will do anything to make easy money without getting a summer job . My favorite character is Dave because towards the end of the book he uses his brains in a smart way to solve the mystery . I recommend this book to teens who are willing to make money without having a summer job . I liked Ben Hur because of the journey of Ben Hur had . He was a prince and their paddling boats in Roman ships and then being a chariot race winner . My favorite character was Ben Hur because he is smart and determined . I think people who are 12 and up . I loved this book because of the suspense and action . My favorite character was Dan because he proves if you try your hardest you can achieve . I think people who like the first 4 books will like the book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . I loved this book because of the creative writing by Jude Watson . My favorite character was Dan because of his creative and imaginative thinking . I think people who like the first 5 books will like this book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would love this book . I loved this book because every page I read , there was danger . My favorite character was Maximum ( Max ) Ride . She was a great leader and she was bird mutant . My least favorite character was Ari . He was mean bully and he is Eraser . I think people who like mutants or fantasy should read this book . I loved this book . I thought it was very interesting & I couldn 't put it down . I loved how Anne Frank wrote . She seemed to be absolutely truthful in her journal , and I liked that . I could really relate to her , as I think many can . I laughed out loud at parts and was devastated when I read the end note , even though I already knew that the members of the Secret Annex met unfortunate ends , including Anne . Afterwards , I was slightly overwhelmed by thinking about all the individual lives that were cut short in WWII . I only had one dislike of the book : that her dad edited it ! Who would want their dad editing & reading their journal ? But all in all , this book was amazing & one of the best I 've read ! Inkheart is a wonderful , exciting story . I loved it because characters got to come out of the books . There is also a movie which is really cool to watch . My favorite character is Meggie because she read Tinkerbell out of the book and because she shared her father 's gift . I think all ages could enjoy it except for really small kids . I love this book because it was from a teenage 's perspective . My favorite character was Ruby . I think this book is for people who are 12 - 17 or are just big fans ( like me ) of Sarah Dessen . A little boy named Willy is going to race in a dogsled race , because his grandfather is very sick . While his grandfather is sick a tax collector comes bye and Willy 's grandfather is sick , he doesn 't have the money . So the tax collector has to take the house , but there is a lot of people racing in the race , and one of them is Stone Fox . He has never lost a race . This is a series of twelve books that I am reading . I love these books becuase they are filled with action , worry , and suspence . Callum Ormond is my favorite character . He is a hunted fugitive and is now on the run . Callum is only 15 years old and he has to survive 365 days . I think that people who like action book would like this . Ages 10 to 15 would probly like it . I love this book because it had a lot of action in it . I had a lot of favorite characters . This book is filled with action , humor , and mystery . This book is for kids who like action and humor . I loved this book and so will you . Their are 4 books in this series so read them all . I love this book because it is about a bunch of friends putting something together . My favorite character is Kate because she never gives up and you can tell she is kindhearted and determined . She didn 't stop trying to earn money for her dad 's b - day present . This is a great book for kids that are thinking about having a lemonade stand . A World Away is about a 16 - year old named Eliza , who has been Amish all her life . She has never tried on a pair of jeans , never made a phone call , or watched TV . She is asked for a nanny job for two kids , and excited accepts . She learns the good , bad , and the ugly of learning of love , life , and lessons of the non - Amish world . She learns that most of the time , the life your blessed with is the life your meant to belong to , even if it doesn 't seem that way . This was a phenomenal book ! I liked this book because it made you think about what is going to happen next . My favorite character is Meg . I like Meg because you can tell she is adventerous and likes taking risks . I think kids from 4th grade to 7th grade would like this adventerous tale . I liked how the author made the setting feel like the future and it could happen . I felt like every chapter Lena was changing and starting to realize love is good and it is something to celebrate . I liked how the ending was put together . I feel like this was a fast paced book that left me wanting more at the end . I thought it was a great book . review by Megan , grade 9 I like it because it was kinda like me . My favorite character is Nikki J . Maxwell . Recommend to 10 , 11 , 12 , and 13 year olds . I felt that Beautiful Creatures had a great story line . I liked that they placed it in the real world . It made it feel like it could happen . I liked how they made the connection with Lena and Ethan . It made it feel magical . All around it was a great book that most people would like to read . Review by Megan , grade 9 It 's very captivating with major romance and mystery . A simpleton guy from a small town finds out that this new summer time city isn 't all its cracked up to be . There are real vampires and some aren 't as friendly as they seem . It is truly a must read for the summer . Review by Robin This book is easy to read and keeps you wanting to know more . Personally , I loved Gus , he was sweet and hilarious . This book is perfect for anyone in middle school or up ! Review by Amanda The book I 'm doing my review on is " Matilda . " I picked Matilda because it 's one of my favorite books . I also enjoyed the movie . Matilda is about a little girl growing up on her own in a family she doesn 't belong . She discovers that she has magical powers . In the end she was adopted by her teacher which she loved , and they lived happily ever after . Curing disease seems to be the new big thing around books these days , yet out of all of them this just might be my favorite . First starting it I thought it was as boring as all heck and put it down , but like anything you can 't start something and not finish it so , I did and absolutely loved it . I highly highly recommend it and if you have the same trouble as me , push through it : I promise it gets better , way better . The characters are really interesting , but I think it is the plot that is the most intriguing . I would recommend this for the young adults age group ( teens ) . Clearly with a rating of five , I enjoyed this book . It was a play off of the original story " Cinderella , " a story that I basically hated as a kid because the main heroine was pathetic and never stood up for herself . The tomboy Cinder is the exact opposite , someone people can actually relate to and an all around likeable character . Cinder was very much original because it didn 't take the exact same story / plotline and rewrite it as a modern story , but took the basic skeleton of the story and added tons of new components making it a new story . It might have been pretty predictable throughout , but overall was really good , so I 'm excited for the next 3 books ! This book was outstanding ! Yes , it was and is most definitely meant for an older audience ( teens and such ) but half of the obscenities are what make this book so great . I 'm sure a lot of teens can relate to what went on in this book . It was hilarious , thought provoking , heart wrenching , and just about every other emotion there is all at the same time . I myself did not enjoy the back cover 's description . I don 't think it made for an intriguing sort of " explanation " , but ignore the back . I did and LOVED this book . So obviously I recommend this book , along with his other books which are also really good . This review is on " Witness " . I chose this book because it is a good / sad book . This book is about a lot of different things but it 's basicly about a Klu Klux Klan group in a small town in Vermont . This book is very racist but it ends up being good in the end . My favorite character was Esther Hirsh a 6 year old girl from New York . Review by Mariah , Grade 9 My book review is on " The BFG . " Also known as " The Big Friendly Giant . " This is a very popular children 's story . I read it for the first time when I was in 2nd grade . This book is mainly about a little girl named Sophie who lived in an orphanage , and one night she was awake and was kidnapped by a friendly giant and taken to giant land where many giants lived . In the end the giant was able to come live with everyone and treated normal . My favorite character was Sophie because she was intelligent . I really liked this book . With many twists and turns it made for suspenseful and exiting reading . I was so happy with it I ended up reading the whole 11 - book series in about a month ! This book was really great . I had seen it on shelves for quite some time and it wasn 't until a while that I picked it up and really saw its … awesomeness . Although I must say it got a little confusing eventually . Bloomability is about a girl who 's family moves a lot - ever 6 months to a new place . Soon she is sent to Switzerland , which she hates , and learns how to speak Italian , Spanish , Japaneze , and French at an American School . She soon makes close friends w / some of her peers and goes on a skiing trip w / them . Two of them are burried in an avalanche , and I won 't tell you if they survive . She soon loves this school and can not bear to leave her friends ( some who are not coming back next year ) and their is no guarantee she will . She soon learns the value of friendship and that no one will ever forget her . Responsible Rosalind , future astrophysicist Skye , Jane the author , and shy batty along with their father are on their way to the summer of their lives at Arundel , home of Jeffrey and the despicable Mrs . Tifton . There will be love . There will be brownies . There will be butterfly wings , bunnies , and bulls . There will be heartbreak , writing , and piano . And , there will be Algebra and roses . Sweet Venom is a wonderful book . It is a fun , exciting take on Greek mythology . I really like the author 's style of writing , she uses descriptive language to create the atmosphere and setting . This book is about three girls who discover that they are long lost triplets , and also descendants of Medusa . They have to keep the mortal world safe from monsters who come out of an abyss to feed on the humans life force . Gradually the wall that separates the mortal word from the abyss starts to break and more and more monsters start to escape the abyss and come into the mortal world . Saved This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go . Review by Devin , grade 12 This book has what my local librarian calls " right of passage . " You have to get through the first part before the book becomes any good . That is what happened with this book . However once I got past the slow part I loved it . The characters were extremely dark and I loved that . There are not many books that has many dark character that are fighting for good . Other than this there are not many things to report back . It was a good book , but any mistakes that really jumped out at me . Review by Paige , grade 10 There were some parts in the book that the dialogue was not the best in the world . There were a ton of times that the author made the characters say , " Oh , blah blah blah . " I do not know about you , but that makes me think that the character is sighing or having an epiphany . I did like the depth of the characters , and the range of them . Polly Shulman has a three year old as a hero in this novel , I think that just comes to show that she thinks that anyone can be a hero , no matter what their size . Another character that you would not suspect to be a hero , Jaya , a ten year old girl . She figures out things that the teens in the novel would never figure out . Review by Paige , grade 10 I think the book is very fast paced . Even when they were in the peaceful country Alex still got shot at by a bunch of spoiled stuck up boys . The action never stopped from the beginning to the end . I loved it because it was a book based on comparison between boys & dogs and girls & cats . My favorite character was Yumi , Annabelle 's friend because of how much she loved animals . A sixth grader who was new at school and wanted to be able to blend in . I liked this book because it was funny . The outfit designs were pretty . You can tell that Annie has a big imagination . In this book you 'll see a blast of fun and style ! Terrier is the first book I 've read by Tamora Pierce , who people have been recommending to me for a long time , so perhaps I went into it with my expectations a little too high . Or maybe reading murder mystery books geared for adults has ruined me for reading Young Adult murder mysteries . Or it could have been that my dubious talent for spotting the hidden bad guys of a story kicked in , but by the 300th page , I knew what the ending was going to be . I knew who shadowed ( geddit ? ) antagonist was . So for me , it was a bit of a drag reading the last 200 odd pages in the book , only to have everything I 'd already known confirmed in the last five pages . Of course , as I said , my realizing the whole ending could just be one of my talents for guessing plot lines , so don 't let that turn you off of the book . I also wasn 't a fan of the first couple pages , but that 's a matter of personal style preference , so I 'll let you draw your own opinions . Now that I 've gone over what I didn 't like , I start with what I did , The heroine , Rebakah , was strong , with a large supporting cast who helped her along , but it didn 't feel like they were constantly having to rescue her out of everything . She was clever , if slightly naive , but that fades as the book progresses . Tamora Pierce certainly knows what she 's doing in creating a tough girl . The world was very interesting , and I enjoyed learning more about the Dogs , the peacekeepers of the land . They do use slightly different language , so that can take a little while to get used to , but if you 're really stuck on a word , try the glossary in the back . There 's also a character index and a list of terms it can be good to be familiar with as you learn about their world . I 'm not sure that I had a favorite character , but I was fond of Rosto , the roughish character who sweeps in a few chapters in , and Beka 's two Dogs , Turnstall and Goodwin , who are charged with training her from a training puppy into a full - fledged Dog . I would recommend this book to tweens or younger teens with a taste for resourceful , stroReview by Thea I think this book is interesting because it 's about 3 fifteen year old boys who are told to find summer jobs but they will do anything to have freedom for their last summer before they enter the working world . My favorite character would be Curtis because he acts like a leader . This book is perfect for the teens who are trying to get out of there summer jobs . First of all I liked this book because I liked how the wolves find the new land . My favorite character was Gwyneth because she was a brave owl and I love Guardian of Ga ' Hoole series . My least favorite character was Edme . She was an annoying wolf . I think people who like wolves . Rhine Ellery lives in a futuristic society where women die at 20 and men die at 25 years of age . There are some who are researching the possibility of an antidote but few live long enough to make progress . Rhine is a strong - willed 16 year old who is kidnapped and introduced to a new wealthy lifestyle , but what she discovers is so horrible she knows she has to escape somehow . And housemaster Vaughn is watching around every corner . Is Rhine able to escape ? Is she able to find an antidote to the disease that is wiping out the human race ? Check out Wither today ! The Serpent 's Shadow by Rick Riordan is about two kids ages 14 and 12 who are magicians . It 's about the Egyptian gods . I loved the book because it was full of adventure and action . The reason that I only give it 4 stars was because sometimes it talks in to much detail . The funniest part is when ( pretty often ) the brother and sister fight . It is told in past tense so they fight while they 're narrating . And that is what i think of The Serpent 's Shadow . Review by Reese " The Hardy Boys " is an awesome chapter book series that is FULL of mysteries , on after another . The main characters are 2 teens , Joe and Frank Hardy . You should read this book if you like mysteries . According to a Gallop poll , 92 % of Americans were aware of Nixon 's visit to Communist China in the 1970s . His visit broke a decades long silence of formal communications between the US and China . This cemented a new start in Sino - American relations and both gained a bargaining ship against a common enemy : the Soviet Union . Margaret MacMillian did not just describe and dissect Nixon 's trip ; instead , she explores the lives and background of the main characters : Nixon , Kissenger , Chou , and Mao . She also explains the large amount of background work that had to be conducted in secret in order to make the trip possible . Bear in mind , this is a serious historical read , however ; you will learn the intricacies and some funny anecdotes behind politics and diplomacy . Review by Jemmy , grade 12 As the person I am , I have read almost all of Meg Cabot 's books . This series is by far the best that I have read of hers . She actually make the person who is in the position of Hades seem normal and like someone who was actually a man . Someone who knows what it feels like to die , through that he shows more sympathy than in other characters I have seen who have played the role of Hades . I also loved how John has more background , something more interesting , than the normal stories about the lord of the dead . This book is a lot less confusing than the first book , which is good . Where the first book flips between past and present a lot , this book stays with Pierce the entire time . This book also explains a lot more in a lot more detail , mainly because the main character is not as clueless in this book than in the first one . Some of my favorite parts are when she sees the curtains fluttering . I like this because the curtains are white and seem symbolic in a place of death . It makes me think that there is innocence and purity in the Underworld . It also makes me think that Pierce is getting to start over , that the white curtains mean a clean slate for her . It is kind of like the pomegranate in the Underworld , everyone thinks it is one thing , when it actually means something else entirely . Some parts of the dialogue were a little weird for me . I don 't know why , but whenever someone puts something with and " Oh , " in front of a name it just sounds ridiculous . I loved this book . When I read the first one I couldn 't believe it was over . There had to be more to Rebecca 's story , and I was right . This book takes you back into the life of Rebecca Brown , a normal teenage girl who can see ghost , but not all ghost , just the ones that let Rebecca see them , or if you are holding a hand of a ghost . That is how Frank notices Rebecca ; he saw her with Lisette the year before when they walked to her house in the Treme . In this part of the Ruined series you can really see the characters flourish . There is Rebecca who shows that she is strong and confident ( most of the time . ) Anton who now shows that he only believed in ghost because of the curse on the Bowman family and believes that Lisette was the only ghost in New Orleans and tries to fight it off when Rebecca tells him otherwise . Ling , a ndw character , who is like a confidante for most of the book , but then she really shows her intelligence in the end . Then you have Toby , who you think is even more of a nut case than in the first book . The only bad thing about this book is that it is really confusing at the end . What happened to Delphine ? Why did she move on ? Was it because she saw that Frank was moving on ? Then the Epilogue was kind of confusing too . It kind of leaves you wondering what is happening here ? Does this mean that Paula Morris is thinking about writing a third book , making this into a large series , or just keeping it down at two ? This book was amazing , however it was too short . Throughout the entire book I felt like something more could be explained . Or what as explained could be elaborated more on . However , Josephine did an excellent job with what she wrote . Everything made moresense in this book than any of the others , ( which is what she wanted to do , I think . ) and was beautifully crafted so everyone ( well , almost everyone ) got their happy ending . Reading through this series it was exciting to see how each person changed and developed , even though some did not . Characters people didn 't like very much get some justice behind them and end themselves with very noble acts . The only true problem I had while reading this story was the epilogue . It felt way too long and that the author was trying to rap up a story that wasn 't completely closed . I feel that if she wanted to Josephine Angelini could write another novel that explains more of what ends up happening to everybody . Some parts I was okay with the wrap up ( Jerry and Kate ) and others I wasn 't ( Lucas 's situation ) . Younger generations on occasion associate history with school , and in the beginning of the summer that is the last thing anyone wants to think about . This story of the war , the living conditions , and the tensions of the years preceding 1812 until the years dating after the war , shows relations to the present . The relations are not in the difficulties , but more so in the language and thoughts of America 's founders . These similarities cause the formation of fantastic relationships . These relationships are between the reader and the historical figures , in this historical review . This author is successful his attempt to connect the present and the past . This adventure with Katie Kazoo is as wild as always . Her teacher Mrs . Derkman moves in next door . What a surprise . Once again the magic wind comes and turns her into Pepper . Pepper ( Katie ) does some crazy stuff and then when she turns back into herself she fixes everything . Pepper is my favorite character . Francine and Muffy have a bet that Francine can 't be nice for a whole week . Muffy bets her Princess Peach watch . Arthur and his friends push Francine to the limit but she holds back her temper . My favorite character is Muffy . Find out what happens to Francine as she tries to be nice for a whole week . This book is amazing ! It 's about 2 rabbits named Hazel and Fiver who try to leave their home warren . It really makes you think about how rabbits live in the wild and how similar and at the same time how different rabbits are to humans . Review by Johanna I loved Fairest because it was about things like love and hatred and there were a lot of details which helped me get an image of the story in my head , making the story better . My favorite character was Ijory because he was nice to everyone . I think someone who enjoyed magical things , like fairies , would like it . A girl named Amu Hinamori wants to be her true self . She ends up with 3 character guardians who help her . People that work for Easter steal her eggs and guardians ! She has to protect them and save the characters . I 'd say this was a pretty good book . If you enjoy modern adaptations of classic books or old fairy tales , I think you would enjoy this book . This book is really inventive , gorey , and definitely draws the reader in . Although the end was sort of anticlimactic , the whole rest of the book was really enthralling , though you still want to know what happens in the next 2 books . I would recommend this for maybe the younger teens and older kids . The book I choose to do this review on is " Middle School . " I choose this book because it comes from a great series . This book is about Georgea Khatchadorian who plans to do good in her middle school but along the way her brother fails and it brings her reputation of a " good student " down . My favorite character is Rafe , which is the brother who is failing in school . Lemonade Mouth is an interesting , inspirational book giving a heartwarming ( and heart breaking ) story on how kids can change the world just by standing up for what is right using just simple actions . Lemonade Mouth gives the story of five different teens ' point of views . Each band member had different problems and backgrounds that all real kids can relate to , but they overcome their issues through music , and rebellion ! Review by Kelly , grade 7 I hated this book because it was boring and talked about princess and prince dating . My least favorite character was Princess Ben . Although she could magic , it was a boring story . I think people who love to read princess and magic , but I don 't like this book ! I love reading books by John Green and Looking for Alaska was especially interesting because of the recurring theme of a labyrinth of suffering and what our purpose here on Earth is . The characters were vivid and I enjoyed Miles ' habit of " collecting " last words from people . This book is a thought pondering adventure that was very entertaining to read . I would only recommend this book to mature teenagers due to certain elements not suitable for younger ages . But if you are mature and like a good book , any of John Green 's books are awesome to read ! I liked it because it was an interesting story . I had a book , and my favorite character was Emmett . I would think that this book would be for 14 + ages . I would think this book would be for fans of romantic , vampire books or movies . The Cathedrals 20 All Time Favorites This is a wonderful Southern Gospel cd . The Cathedrals were a wonderful group . My Favorite song on this cd is " I Can See the Hand " . I also like several other ones a lot . Others I like are " A Wonderful Time Up There " , " The Last Sunday " , " Echoes from the Burning Bush " , and " The Love of God " . This is a collection of songs from different recordings the group did and has several different members of the group on it . Of course it has George Younce and Glen Payne who were with the group the whole time . I Think this is a wonderful cd and is definitely worth listening to . Southern Gospel 's Top Twenty Songs of the Century I really liked this cd . It is really good and has many of the best Southern Gospel groups ever . My favorite songs are " I Never Shall Forget the Day " , " I Know " , " Jesus is Coming Soon " , " This Old House / When the Saints go Marching in " , and " Give the World a Smile " . There were not any that I really did not like although I did have favorites . If you really like Southern Gospel you will really like this cd . Even though I am thirteen and really like it most of the time this kind of music would be something more adults would like . I really liked this cd . Jake Hess was one of the best singers ever and this cd is a tribute to him put together by Bill Gaither with a bunch of recordings of him . My favorite song is \ " Up Above My Head \ " with him and George Younce singing . Most of these songs were from the Gaither Homecoming videos and some were really old videos of him . One funny one was where they were singing \ " The Fourth Man \ " with Jake Hess , Tim Lovelace , Rex Nelon , George Younce , and another guy . they did it several times to get it right . I think every body would like this if they tried it . This movie was one of the best ever made . IT is an older movie and is in black and white , and it is still one of the best . It is a really funny movie . My favorite character was Andy Griffith playing as Will Stockdale , but I also like his friend Ben and Sergeant King . It is a really good movie . I like it a lot . I think anybody would like it . I would definitely recommend watching it sometime . It is a movie worth watching . This was one of the best cd 's ever . It was done in 1995or1996 I 'm not exactly sure . IT was celebrating the Speer Family having been a group for seventy five years . The singers are Brock Speer , Faye Speer , Ben Speer , Mary Tom Speer Reid , and Rosa Nell Speer Powell . There were also a few other people which sang with them on certain songs . They were Eddy Bolton , Karen Apple , Harold Lane , Allison Durham Speer , Marc Speer , and few others . My favorite song is " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " . I did not like " All Day Singin ' and Dinner on the Ground " . I thought that song sounded strange and not like Southern Gospel normally does . By the way the Speer Family was a Southern Gospel group so this cd of course has Southern Gospel music on it mainly and few other songs . One I like is " What a Day That Will Be " with Brock Speer singing one verse and Eddy Bolton singing another . My favorite singer on this disc and out of the group is Ben Speer . He normally sang the lead or tenor for the group . This is an old cd and Brock Speer has now passed away and the others are older now and are not singing as a group . I think it is wonderful to have this recording of them all singing . They also sang several songs that G . T . Speer , their father wrote . These include " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " , " Some Glad Day " , " Sweeter Each Day " , " The Dearest Fried I Ever Had " , and " Heaven 's Jubilee " . I think the Speer Family was the best Southern Gospel Group ever . This would probably appeal to older adults because many younger people may not have even known of the group and if they are not Christians and don 't like Southern Gospel they would not like it either . I really like it though and I am only thirteen . I think if younger people were introduced to this kind of music they would like it as well as I do . It is wonderful music . I think this cd is definitely worth trying to find if you don 't have it , and it is a great cd to listen to . I thought this was a great movie . It was really funny and my sister and I liked it so much that we watched it seven times within a span of about a month . It was really neat how they were all racing to get there and find the big W . It showed several cars driving really fast and racing down the roads . It also had a lot of funny people in this movie . I think m favorite character was Captain Culpepper . There were several really funny parts in it as well . A few were Phil Silvers as Otto Meyer driving his car down the stream into the river , the Crumps getting locked in the basement of the store and their attempts to get out ( which they finally did ) , and Captain Culpepper talking on the phone with his daughter Billy Sue and when he threw his hat out the window . One art that you probably should skip though is the part where Mrs . Marcus talks to Sylvester , her son , on the phone because he was with this girl and this girl was not wearing enough and they had not good music on in the background . Mrs . Marcus talks to him three times and two out of three you should skip . Sylvester himself is fine to watch later because he was a really funny character in the movie and is fine after that . This movie was done in the sixties so it is a pretty old movie , but it is great and is definitely worth finding and watching sometime . It would appeal more to older kids and adults . Younger kids would not understand the funny things in this movie and might find it not very interesting as I did when I was a lot younger . It has really funny stuff and not any of the bad or crude humor that you would find in lots of \ " funny \ " movies today . This was wonderful movie that everyone should see . I loved this movie because of the way they made it alive . It seemed so real . My favorite character was Pi Patel because of his amazing adventure . I would love to see what I would do in his situation . I think people who are from ages 12 and up would love this movie . I decided to do my review on " Rango " because it 's a very extravagant movie due to the fact that the animals talk ! In this movie there is a chameleon " Rango " who has to find his inner voice . In the beginning he gets dropped out of his car and is stranded in the desert . He becomes the sheriff of a small town which has a evil plotting major who has all of the water to build a new town . My favorite character was " Rango " which is the main character . The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Holes . " I decided to do a review on this movie because it 's one of my favorites . This movie is mainly about Stanley Yelnats gets sent away to a correctional camp for stealing shoes , that he was wrongly accused for . There family believes in this 100 year old curse that his great great grandfather put on them . In the end he finds a treasure chest that was meant for him all along , but throughout the whole movie they would look back into the past and tell the story of " kissing Kate Barlow . " Which was one of my favorite characters , my other favorite character was Theodore aka " Arm pit . " The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Zathura " . I choose Zathura because it is a good movie . Zathura is about two brothers who are left at home with their older sister . ( Which she doesn 't watch them well ) . The two brothers play a game called " Zathura " which comes to stop the bad things from happening they have to finish the game . My favorite character was the " Robot " . Even though they only showed him once he was funny . My least favorite character was the older brother , because he was mean and had a bad attitude .
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I was about to ask about how your weekend was , past tense , until I realized that the weekend isn 't over yet . There are still a few hours left with great possibility , like that episode of True Blood that is recording at this very moment in the other room . Or those cookies that are still warm , waiting for some visitors we 're expecting tomorrow , visitors of the best friend variety ( Alyce 's best friend , that is ) . I think in honour of the weekend I should have at least one more . Maybe two . Speaking of cookie baking , have I mentioned to you how foreign my oven is to me still ? I just can 't figure this new oven ( or stove , for that matter ) out . It runs what seems to be a million degrees ( give or take ) hotter than the temperature I set it to , with the obvious result that I am over - backing everything . Yes , I realize the answer is as simple as buying an oven thermometer to catch it in the act and to make the necessary readjustments , and I will . But I feel as though we are in a fight , me and my oven , and I 'm feeling a little stubborn ( my husband knows nothing of this approach of mine , nothing of my unbudgingness ) . Soon I will grow tired of overdone cookies and muffins and make a peace offering in my new kitchen . But back to the weekend . It was filled with so many different emotions . There was the constant breastfeeding demands from Shira that made me think about , for the very first time , how I might be ready to end our nursing before she 's ready . I hope to write about that later this week . For now , it 's too fresh , too wrapped up in feelings of sadness over the end of this particular relationship with Shira , feelings of relief that I might just ( finally ) make a decision , and amazement that Shira has grown so much that we 're here even having this conversation . No matter how I 'm feeling I can assure you that Shira is not keen to make any changes . We 'll see how this goes . My weekend also included time with a good friend , someone I 've missed dearly all these years we 've spent away from Toronto . We wandered together downtown , shopping and snacking ( a great combination if you ask me ) . Did I mention the girls were at home with their Papa ? Sneaking away with good friends is reason 3 , 487 I 'm happy to be back in Toronto . ( You might want to visit , you know . Maybe this will inspire you further . ) Today I spent time with another favourite girl , this time my Alyce . We adventured along the bus and subway in order to meet up with other good friends for a movie and some lunch . A weekend like this reminds me that I am rich in friends . How was your weekend ? I always ask and I always mean it : how did you spend your time ? Have a great week ! ( Follow me on Instagram ! @ mostdaysiwin ) Alyce has a job around the house now : she feeds and waters the cats . Just like that , she 's old enough and completely capable ( because let 's face it : they probably won 't die if she forgets for a day or two ) . We 've had to accept a few puddles here and there , and the cats are receiving way more food than I would ever dole out , but no biggie . What I love the best about this is that I can think to myself , Oh crap , I forgot to feed the cats , and then remind myself , Oh , that 's cool . Alyce will do it . Of course she will . Before I realize it I 'll also be thinking , Oh crap , I forget to make dinner , and then remind myself , Oh , that 's cool , Alyce can do it , Or , Oh , that 's cool , Alyce can drive to the store and pick that up . Or , Alyce can choose her major at university . Gasp . But for now she 's still tiny . Matt has been sleeping most nights on the floor of the girls ' room . A good habit , no , but in the face of all this change , and a few nightmares , what 's a few weeks on the floor ? One of the perks of having young kids : you are so unbelievably exhausted that you can sleep anywhere you please ( or Alyce pleases ) . Or at least that 's what Matt tells me . I wouldn 't know because I sleep in our bed . ( In case you 're wondering , I 've been waking up to breastfeed babies since 2007 , so it 's his turn to lose a tiny bit of sleep . ) Sometimes Alyce starts complaining of feeling scared and I immediately start to roll my eyes ( mostly on the inside , where she can 't see them ) , because it is often simply a tactic to stay up later , but as soon as I remember that she is four , I can begin to imagine how complicated change is to a little one . She throws so much of herself into her world that she can 't help but to get a little attached . I can see that she likes our new apartment , but I know she misses our old life , which mostly means she misses my mum . Shira , too , though mostly she 's just concerned with the location of my breasts . If they 're in Toronto , she 's in Toronto , and she 'll adapt as necessary . Shira is Shira , which means she coasts through all of these changes pretty easily . Breastfeeding aside , she seems to adapt with little effort , a perk of being two . She 's more concerned with other important tasks , like summer adventuring . She 's currently checking off the following from her to summer do list : climbing on monkey bars and jumping , grin first , into a swimming pool . Matt , in case you were wondering , is also adapting well to our new surroundings . He is very happy to have finally relocated to Toronto , thrilled not to commute hours each day , and is grateful to be doing a job that he loves . That 's a pretty special detail , isn 't it ? I saw an old friend tonight and he is also happily doing a job he loves . Isn 't that the way it should be ? Or can be , if we 're willing to work at it ? This is what I 'm telling myself everyday , that no matter how much anxiety and panic I feel about starting all these new projects , that I can do this . This is how it should be . I 'd be lying ( and I 'm a terrible liar ) if I told you that we were settled in , four weeks after our move . I 've reached that stage that requires not just unpacking , but organizing and designing . I love both of these tasks ( though I 'm regretting having left my label maker in Delaware ! ) , but I find them hard to do with two tiny beasts following me around everyday . Slowly it will all get done . Here is what I have left to do : finish washing floors and baseboards I won 't be tackling everything this weekend , though I hope to get most of it out of my way by Sunday . What will you be tackling this weekend ? Big projects ? Little projects ? Will you maybe even read a book ? You 're a wild one , aren 't you ? * Matt , of course , had his clothes and personal things unpacked roughly two hours after having moved in . So when I write " unpack our bedroom , " I am only referring to my stuff . Matt would never be so careless . Posted by Life is good , but it 's kicking my ass nonetheless . I don 't know about you , but I could use a little more superhero in my day . Here 's to just sitting with your own awesomeness . I 've been quiet around here for the past month . Some of that has to do with our big move to Toronto , not an easy feat with two young children . ( We say that a lot , don 't we ? That things are made more difficult with the addition of young children . It 's true that little ones are pure chaos sometimes , and their schedules often make planning life a challenge , and their whining can drive you to madness . But I do want to come right out and declare that life is made infinitely better when you throw young children into the mix , and I wouldn 't have it any other way . ) I 've been busy readjusting to how this new life fits . So far I 'm happy with our choice . I 've also been busy teaching again , an online course at a nearby university , and this just makes life very full . I 'm learning a lot as I reintroduce myself to my course after two years off , including how to run a course in between all the events of my days at home with the girls . It looks something like this : get up and return emails . Read some posts from the discussion forums . Make breakfast for starving children in my kitchen . Return another email . Take children on new city adventure . Eat a popsicle . Do a tiny bit of grading during Shira 's nap . Unpack . Chase children around park . Tuck them in after dinner , collapse , and then peel myself off the couch to start actually working for the night . Rinse and repeat . But I 'm always busy . We 're all always busy , yet we still find time to do the things we love . I love writing this blog . What 's stopped me from finding the time hasn 't been all this other stuff , busy as I am . I could post three times a week instead of five , or one time instead of three . There are always ways to readjust ( and I 'm already doing a lot of readjusting this month ) . Nope , I 'm quiet because I 'm afraid . I 'm suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable here on the internet . I love the internet , love it a lot , but all of a sudden I 'm feeling awfully open . A big part of this comes from my return to teaching . I know some of my students have read my blog , and this kind of exposure is a first for me . I 've always been an open person and it 's translated into my style of teaching . When I teach in - person courses I learn about my students quickly , and they learn about me . I don 't hide my love of cooking , or my enthusiasm for Sookie Stackhouse novels , or that my American husband just doesn 't get the CBC . But my academic mentor always taught me to keep a distance from my students , even when you share parts of yourself as you teach . I remember when an undergraduate student asked her religion , and she emphatically explained that it was None Of Their Business . Her interaction with the inquiring student left a mark on me , because my mentor shared so many things with her students , even her home sometimes , inviting us over to share a meal or an extra lesson . But there was a line , she taught me , and it was critical . The space of the classroom , it seemed , had boundaries . On this blog I write very explicitly about breastfeeding , my religion , how it feels when I lose my patience with my children , and the devastation I felt when I wasn 't accepted into midwifery school . The space of my classroom has changed a lot from the days with my mentor . Of course blogs don 't reveal everything . I am always choosing to tell a very particular story in my posts and details are overlooked ( I hope , the very boring and the parts that involve another person 's privacy ) . But when I write I 'm not trying to deceive anyone , and at the same time I 'm intending to share some very honest , and traditionally private , feelings and ideas . It 's this kind of exposure that makes writing and reading blogs both so exciting and so overwhelming . Teaching and blogging , at the same time , has forced me to think about what I want to share on my blog . As soon as I realized that students were reading I felt paralyzed , caught in the act , if you will . I would jump up to write a post , or be brainstorming in the shower , and instead of wondering how I would tell a story in a way that was honest and interesting , I was worried about how a student might think of me after reading it . I immediately began censoring myself . If I wanted to write a post about how much my breasts were hurting because my two year old was enjoying yet another renewed fascination with nursing every two hours , I held myself back . No one wanted their paper graded by someone who had just moments ago complained loudly about her breasts . Or if I wanted to write a post about postpartum depression , my own included , I withdrew the idea before I could even consider how to write it . Writing about how to cope with the stress of multiple deadlines while parenting two little ones ? Forget it . If I 'm not perfect , I 'll lose their respect . Or so I thought . It turns out that I have no interest in writing about my life if I can 't be honest . I don 't want to write about my trip to the museum if I can 't also write about how many times my toddler pulled my shirt up to nurse . I can 't share with you how hard it is to balance all the competing demands of my wonderful life if I can 't permit myself to admit that re - learning how to fit in grading papers is hard sometimes . If I was so concerned with censoring my posts , I felt pretty sure I didn 't want to blog anymore . Nah . I won 't stop . I just don 't want to . And I 've reached a decision about how to manage my concerns about exposing myself to my students : they 'll get over it . Or they won 't . Either way , it 's fine . I 'm not doing anything scandalous here ( hardly ) . I 'm not inappropriately discussing my course or students . I 'm just writing honestly about how I spend my time , how I choose to carve out this life of mine . I 'm a parent . I want to be a midwife one day . I want to be a doula right now . I love to teach . And I bake a lot . Nothing too crazy . So when I was baking today with Alyce and Shira , the first real baking adventure in our new kitchen , and Shira 's first time as sous - chef , I wanted to share it with you right away . I took their picture , the two of them bickering over who would sprinkle the baking soda into the bowl , and I wanted to share with you how glorious it feels to have our own space again . I wanted to tell you that I felt comfort baking with my girls , while Matt chatted with us from the other room . I wanted to tell you that adjusting to our new life in Toronto , as happy as it makes me , is sometimes hard , and that some days I spend a lot of time worrying about how we 'll make ends meet or where we 'll end up a year from now , but that no matter how much I worry , that baking with my daughters makes everything ok . That makes me human . I think my students already knew that . You already knew that , too . We moved back to Toronto for many reasons . They include , though are not limited to , reasons of community ( good friends ) , Jewish life ( good Shabbat dinners ) , vibrancy ( by the truckload ) , things like that . Leaving the house with two young children isn 't easy , but when I have an entire city just waiting for me explore , I can handle a little early morning chaos . Just so we 're clear : leaving the house with Alyce ( 4 . 5 ) and Shira ( 2 ) , in the summer , in a heatwave , for more than an hour , means packing snacks and lunch for three , preparing water bottles for three , finding swimsuits and towels and extra sets of clothes , applying sunscreen ( which , if done properly , takes at least ten minutes between the two of them , not counting the argument you know you 're going to have with Alyce about how putting sunscreen on her neck tickles ) , pre - departure bathroom stops , and at least one heated discussion with both of them over how many dollies can come with us . Oh , but it was worth it yesterday . We packed ourselves up and visited a new place with a new friend ( aren 't those great ? ) . Have any of you heard of Sugar Beach ? I had not . The park opened up in 2010 , and while it isn 't a traditional beach where you can wade into the water , it is an incredible space for making you feel like you 're at the beach . It 's like they found a pier and dumped sand right on top of it , just for you play in . So you can sit in enormous adirondack chairs ( bolted down for their safe - keeping ) , underneath enormous pink umbrellas , and enjoy a break from the sun while your two children bury your feet in the sand . Sound good ? It was . Even better was the splash pad tucked off to the side where Alyce and Shira spent most of our time , leaving me to chat with my friend and stare at her beautiful baby . Shira , a bit shy when it comes to splashing water , was only devastated once , when the calm bubbles of water shot up three feet and surrounded her in a giant waterfall . She never quite forgave it that . We were a tired bunch on the way home . Heading to the waterfront was worth the effort , but don 't let all that sand and splashing fool you into thinking that it was always an easy trip . From where we live we took one bus , two ( short ) subways , and walked fifteen minutes . Each way . That 's a lot to handle with a stroller and a bag filled with all that stuff I mentioned earlier . We were so exhausted after two hours at the park ( three hours since leaving our house ) that me and Alyce tucked ourselves away in an air - conditioned Starbucks for a lemonade the size of Shira , while the actual Shira caught a nap . But there was so much more than just being tired and I found enough patience yesterday to actually enjoy the good stuff , like watching Alyce discover buildings that seem to touch the clouds , or explaining to her sister how to ride the subway ( because she 's the expert now ) . We came home hot , tired , and some of us a bit sunburned ( ouch my back ) , but I think we all had that feeling of accomplishment to get us through . We adventured . And then we came home to rest up for next time . I was hiding in my room this morning trying to work for an hour or so before the day got away from me , and I was interrupted by the noise of my Shira screeching through the house , trying to convince Alyce to play with with her . No matter how much I craved some quiet , I couldn 't help but grin from ear to ear at the sound of Shira 's eagerness to join in on the fun . It got me thinking . P . S . I wrote this list in the morning and in the afternoon there were storms , or so I hear . We were in Cambridge all afternoon and know nothing of storm . What 's that they say about a no one being around to hear a tree falling in a forest ? P . P . S . And now I 'm reminded of my very favourite Gary Larson comic of all time , from The Far Side : " If a tree falls in the woods , and nobody is around to hear it , and it hits a mime , does anyone care ? " I read that one in high school and I am still giggling . No offence , mimes . Ahhh , moving . You think you 'll be unpacked in a week and then you realize you 've gone completely mad to think that anyone could complete more than one task a day with two young children under foot . And so here we are , a few hours from a very special night , and I 've got some work to do . ( At least the sunflowers are already in place . Fresh flowers are a must for this Shabbat table . ) I 'll see you back here next week , with some posts that I can 't wait to share . In the meantime , I am going to leave you with the following summer to - do list , created by me and Alyce earlier today . It is a list of all the things she would like to complete before the end of summer vacation . May it inspire your own summer adventures . I had to be out of the house for bedtime tonight , and though the girls should have been in bed fast asleep , by the time I returned , these two were still awake . Life doesn 't always turn out the way of a scheduled bedtime . Matt , who had probably imagined a couple of hours of quiet , spent two hours trying to convince Shira to fall asleep ( and with his lack of lactating parts he was losing the battle before it had even begun ) , which in turn ignited Alyce to begin her own petition for no - bedtime , since why should she sleep if the other wasn 't going to ( fair question ) ? When I walked in the door two hours past Shira 's bedtime she was a bit manic , in that joyful way she has about her . She immediately brought me to the couch where I nursed her for a few minutes , Alyce sprawled on top of the both of us . It was neither comfortable nor productive ( who could focus under these conditions ? ) , but it was absolutely worth a late bedtime . I was able to sit and enjoy my children for a few minutes before sending them off for the night , an absolutely perfect thing to do even when only away for a couple of hours . They climbed on Matt 's lap for a few minutes before it was really , really bedtime , and now I have these photos . This is why it 's good to relax some days . Note to self . I 'm writing this on the " oh please let that never happen again " side of food poisoning ( I made us a lovely dinner last night that I now deeply regret ) . Both Matt and I woke up over night with the dreaded pains and I won 't go into any of the rest . Except to tell you that both parents suffering from food poisoning while attempting to parent a four and two year old is not easy . Matt and I were able to trade off all day , one barely watching The Children while the other collapsed in bed . All I keep wondering now is how single parents do it . How do they do it ? We were so sick today and it felt unbearable to do things like make snacks or keep the room from spinning , and all the while I was able to depend on Matt , as sick as he was . So to single parents out there , that 's a lot of work . But enough about how terrible that was today . Let me tell you something exciting : our cats are no longer sequestered to a basement ! The best place for the cats at my mum 's place was the basement , a rather large and lovely , though still awfully dark , place . They were fine down there , fed and with room to lounge , but these cats are social beasts and they missed us . Matt and I would try to spend a little time each day with them , but it was never enough . Hille , the enormous one , likes to always be within arm 's reach , and I think he was a little depressed these past eight months . Poor guy . But now ! They have embraced our new apartment as though it was their dream home . There are windows in which to collapse , rooms filled with bright sunny daylight , and a constant source of companionship , even if most of the time that means Alyce and Shira . It 's only been a week but the change in their moods warms my heart , even if they smell of their food wafting through the house today did nothing for my poor stomach . It 's been nice remembering why we adopted them in the first place . As truly annoying as they are , they are lovely just the same . It 's been a good move all around . I 'm finally back from my move - induced break in posting , so I 'll be back here tomorrow with some details about our move . I 'll give you a hint : there are still many things to unpack , but boy do I not care . I am so happy to be back in Toronto that I 'll take the boxes and the cleaning anytime ( or for a week or two , at least ) . My body is aching and my feet have quit on me , but we 're here . We moved . We 've said a good - bye to my mum and stepfather ( though we 'll happily reunite again when we visit in a couple of weeks ) and a hello to a new start in Toronto . The girls are for the most part holding up amidst the chaos , only every so often succumbing to the emotional meltdowns triggered by too much change and too many boxes . Alyce clings to her sunflower seedling , I cling the knowledge that one day soon the boxes will be unpacked . Life continues as usual it seems , even though all we 're doing is unpacking . I wish there was a pause button I could reach for so that all the deadlines and responsibilities of life would just give me a few days There 's also a heat wave going on around us making my hair enormous and the packing all that much more uncomfortable . But none of that matters . We made it . Here we are . Of course there is so much to do still , jobs to start , routines to develop ( I 'm learning the hard way that routines are golden ) , kitchen layouts to plan . My instinct tells me to unpack ! Organize ! Work ! Plan ! But between the chaos and the heat wave , sometimes you just need to searching for snails instead , and so we give in . The boxes will wait . I 'll be back soon . Just let me unpack myself out of this box over here . Also , if anyone knows where the other piece to my coffee maker is , Matt would really appreciate it . Until then he keeps finding himself in line at Starbucks before seven in the morning . Posted by My reasons for keeping my name after marriage are many . First , I have earned my name . It is difficult to spell , has too many consonants , and no one can ever say it outside of Quebec . By the time I reached adulthood I felt as though I 'd put my time in , taken one for the team , and I was unwilling to just change it , give it up to the past . It was my name and I would stand behind it no matter what . And on the practical side I had already published articles in my research field under my original name and I didn 't want my previous work to go unnoticed if I started publishing under a new married name . I am also a feminist and that means I have spent a long time thinking about what happens to women when they marry and struggle with a new identity , including a new name . Marriage hasn 't always been the kindest to women , and while I am confident that Matt and I married as equals , as two people who loved each other and wanted to grow a family together , I was unwilling to ignore the way marriage has historically defined women as property , rendering them invisible under various institutions , like the law . Marrying my husband was the first step in our family , but I didn 't want to get lost along the path . Keeping my name was a way of marking this part of me , the part that never wants to forget the efforts involved in creating and supporting a culture that values men , women , and children together . It 's been five years since I made that decision , and now , I regret it . All of my reasons for keeping my name still stand , but now their are new ones . Their names are Alyce and Shira . When we talked about keeping my name , I remember telling Matt that they only thing that might push me to take his was the possibility of not sharing my name with my children . That was easy , he said , the girls can take your name . Well , that was easy . But then I was pregnant with Alyce and we found ourselves on the phone listening to Matt 's father beg us to continue his family name , and I just didn 't care enough ( or have a strong enough backbone ) to keep to my decision . Did it really matter , I wonder ? Probably not . And always the people - pleaser , I suggested to Matt that we keep with tradition and name the girls after him . It turns out that for me it does matter . Having a different name from Matt and the girls doesn 't make me question my place in our family . I am just as much a part of this chaos as Matt or the girls . Of course . But on a regular basis I am made acutely aware that I stand alone with a different name . Alyce has started asking me questions , asking me to explain why we don 't share a name . When I register her for school , or fill out the forms for Shira at the emergency room , I need to emphasize that I am indeed their mother . I don 't know why exactly , because it doesn 't make intellectual sense to me , but I really don 't like that question . Don 't they look at me and see the hours of labour I undertook to give birth , or the months years I 've spent breastfeeding or waking up at unnatural times because my girls are early risers , because that 's what I see . They see our names side - by - side and they look up at me and ask , are you the mother ? Ugh . Of course I am . And I also want to order those silly reply labels for our mail and I want one name . How do I reconcile this with my feminism ? Is this just the beginning of my conflating my identity with that of my husband , or another one of those times where motherhood makes a woman turn away from feminism ? Am I turning away from a deeply - treasured value simply because it 's hard to feel left out sometimes ? No , I don 't think so . The feminist call for women to keep their names was timely and necessary . It was a call for women to redefine their marriage and the marriages of future generations . And while we can 't turn our backs on the efforts of feminist movements past ( because we must defend and protect the rights and opportunities afforded to women on account of this hard work ) , we can redefine some of the terms . My feminist commitment does not hinge on my last name . And while I probably won 't change my name at this point , my unexpected reaction to my decision has reminded me how important one 's identity truly is . It 's complex . Things change .
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I was about to ask about how your weekend was , past tense , until I realized that the weekend isn 't over yet . There are still a few hours left with great possibility , like that episode of True Blood that is recording at this very moment in the other room . Or those cookies that are still warm , waiting for some visitors we 're expecting tomorrow , visitors of the best friend variety ( Alyce 's best friend , that is ) . I think in honour of the weekend I should have at least one more . Maybe two . Speaking of cookie baking , have I mentioned to you how foreign my oven is to me still ? I just can 't figure this new oven ( or stove , for that matter ) out . It runs what seems to be a million degrees ( give or take ) hotter than the temperature I set it to , with the obvious result that I am over - backing everything . Yes , I realize the answer is as simple as buying an oven thermometer to catch it in the act and to make the necessary readjustments , and I will . But I feel as though we are in a fight , me and my oven , and I 'm feeling a little stubborn ( my husband knows nothing of this approach of mine , nothing of my unbudgingness ) . Soon I will grow tired of overdone cookies and muffins and make a peace offering in my new kitchen . But back to the weekend . It was filled with so many different emotions . There was the constant breastfeeding demands from Shira that made me think about , for the very first time , how I might be ready to end our nursing before she 's ready . I hope to write about that later this week . For now , it 's too fresh , too wrapped up in feelings of sadness over the end of this particular relationship with Shira , feelings of relief that I might just ( finally ) make a decision , and amazement that Shira has grown so much that we 're here even having this conversation . No matter how I 'm feeling I can assure you that Shira is not keen to make any changes . We 'll see how this goes . My weekend also included time with a good friend , someone I 've missed dearly all these years we 've spent away from Toronto . We wandered together downtown , shopping and snacking ( a great combination if you ask me ) . Did I mention the girls were at home with their Papa ? Sneaking away with good friends is reason 3 , 487 I 'm happy to be back in Toronto . ( You might want to visit , you know . Maybe this will inspire you further . ) Today I spent time with another favourite girl , this time my Alyce . We adventured along the bus and subway in order to meet up with other good friends for a movie and some lunch . A weekend like this reminds me that I am rich in friends . How was your weekend ? I always ask and I always mean it : how did you spend your time ? Have a great week ! ( Follow me on Instagram ! @ mostdaysiwin ) Alyce has a job around the house now : she feeds and waters the cats . Just like that , she 's old enough and completely capable ( because let 's face it : they probably won 't die if she forgets for a day or two ) . We 've had to accept a few puddles here and there , and the cats are receiving way more food than I would ever dole out , but no biggie . What I love the best about this is that I can think to myself , Oh crap , I forgot to feed the cats , and then remind myself , Oh , that 's cool . Alyce will do it . Of course she will . Before I realize it I 'll also be thinking , Oh crap , I forget to make dinner , and then remind myself , Oh , that 's cool , Alyce can do it , Or , Oh , that 's cool , Alyce can drive to the store and pick that up . Or , Alyce can choose her major at university . Gasp . But for now she 's still tiny . Matt has been sleeping most nights on the floor of the girls ' room . A good habit , no , but in the face of all this change , and a few nightmares , what 's a few weeks on the floor ? One of the perks of having young kids : you are so unbelievably exhausted that you can sleep anywhere you please ( or Alyce pleases ) . Or at least that 's what Matt tells me . I wouldn 't know because I sleep in our bed . ( In case you 're wondering , I 've been waking up to breastfeed babies since 2007 , so it 's his turn to lose a tiny bit of sleep . ) Sometimes Alyce starts complaining of feeling scared and I immediately start to roll my eyes ( mostly on the inside , where she can 't see them ) , because it is often simply a tactic to stay up later , but as soon as I remember that she is four , I can begin to imagine how complicated change is to a little one . She throws so much of herself into her world that she can 't help but to get a little attached . I can see that she likes our new apartment , but I know she misses our old life , which mostly means she misses my mum . Shira , too , though mostly she 's just concerned with the location of my breasts . If they 're in Toronto , she 's in Toronto , and she 'll adapt as necessary . Shira is Shira , which means she coasts through all of these changes pretty easily . Breastfeeding aside , she seems to adapt with little effort , a perk of being two . She 's more concerned with other important tasks , like summer adventuring . She 's currently checking off the following from her to summer do list : climbing on monkey bars and jumping , grin first , into a swimming pool . Matt , in case you were wondering , is also adapting well to our new surroundings . He is very happy to have finally relocated to Toronto , thrilled not to commute hours each day , and is grateful to be doing a job that he loves . That 's a pretty special detail , isn 't it ? I saw an old friend tonight and he is also happily doing a job he loves . Isn 't that the way it should be ? Or can be , if we 're willing to work at it ? This is what I 'm telling myself everyday , that no matter how much anxiety and panic I feel about starting all these new projects , that I can do this . This is how it should be . I 'd be lying ( and I 'm a terrible liar ) if I told you that we were settled in , four weeks after our move . I 've reached that stage that requires not just unpacking , but organizing and designing . I love both of these tasks ( though I 'm regretting having left my label maker in Delaware ! ) , but I find them hard to do with two tiny beasts following me around everyday . Slowly it will all get done . Here is what I have left to do : finish washing floors and baseboards I won 't be tackling everything this weekend , though I hope to get most of it out of my way by Sunday . What will you be tackling this weekend ? Big projects ? Little projects ? Will you maybe even read a book ? You 're a wild one , aren 't you ? * Matt , of course , had his clothes and personal things unpacked roughly two hours after having moved in . So when I write " unpack our bedroom , " I am only referring to my stuff . Matt would never be so careless . Posted by Life is good , but it 's kicking my ass nonetheless . I don 't know about you , but I could use a little more superhero in my day . Here 's to just sitting with your own awesomeness . I 've been quiet around here for the past month . Some of that has to do with our big move to Toronto , not an easy feat with two young children . ( We say that a lot , don 't we ? That things are made more difficult with the addition of young children . It 's true that little ones are pure chaos sometimes , and their schedules often make planning life a challenge , and their whining can drive you to madness . But I do want to come right out and declare that life is made infinitely better when you throw young children into the mix , and I wouldn 't have it any other way . ) I 've been busy readjusting to how this new life fits . So far I 'm happy with our choice . I 've also been busy teaching again , an online course at a nearby university , and this just makes life very full . I 'm learning a lot as I reintroduce myself to my course after two years off , including how to run a course in between all the events of my days at home with the girls . It looks something like this : get up and return emails . Read some posts from the discussion forums . Make breakfast for starving children in my kitchen . Return another email . Take children on new city adventure . Eat a popsicle . Do a tiny bit of grading during Shira 's nap . Unpack . Chase children around park . Tuck them in after dinner , collapse , and then peel myself off the couch to start actually working for the night . Rinse and repeat . But I 'm always busy . We 're all always busy , yet we still find time to do the things we love . I love writing this blog . What 's stopped me from finding the time hasn 't been all this other stuff , busy as I am . I could post three times a week instead of five , or one time instead of three . There are always ways to readjust ( and I 'm already doing a lot of readjusting this month ) . Nope , I 'm quiet because I 'm afraid . I 'm suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable here on the internet . I love the internet , love it a lot , but all of a sudden I 'm feeling awfully open . A big part of this comes from my return to teaching . I know some of my students have read my blog , and this kind of exposure is a first for me . I 've always been an open person and it 's translated into my style of teaching . When I teach in - person courses I learn about my students quickly , and they learn about me . I don 't hide my love of cooking , or my enthusiasm for Sookie Stackhouse novels , or that my American husband just doesn 't get the CBC . But my academic mentor always taught me to keep a distance from my students , even when you share parts of yourself as you teach . I remember when an undergraduate student asked her religion , and she emphatically explained that it was None Of Their Business . Her interaction with the inquiring student left a mark on me , because my mentor shared so many things with her students , even her home sometimes , inviting us over to share a meal or an extra lesson . But there was a line , she taught me , and it was critical . The space of the classroom , it seemed , had boundaries . On this blog I write very explicitly about breastfeeding , my religion , how it feels when I lose my patience with my children , and the devastation I felt when I wasn 't accepted into midwifery school . The space of my classroom has changed a lot from the days with my mentor . Of course blogs don 't reveal everything . I am always choosing to tell a very particular story in my posts and details are overlooked ( I hope , the very boring and the parts that involve another person 's privacy ) . But when I write I 'm not trying to deceive anyone , and at the same time I 'm intending to share some very honest , and traditionally private , feelings and ideas . It 's this kind of exposure that makes writing and reading blogs both so exciting and so overwhelming . Teaching and blogging , at the same time , has forced me to think about what I want to share on my blog . As soon as I realized that students were reading I felt paralyzed , caught in the act , if you will . I would jump up to write a post , or be brainstorming in the shower , and instead of wondering how I would tell a story in a way that was honest and interesting , I was worried about how a student might think of me after reading it . I immediately began censoring myself . If I wanted to write a post about how much my breasts were hurting because my two year old was enjoying yet another renewed fascination with nursing every two hours , I held myself back . No one wanted their paper graded by someone who had just moments ago complained loudly about her breasts . Or if I wanted to write a post about postpartum depression , my own included , I withdrew the idea before I could even consider how to write it . Writing about how to cope with the stress of multiple deadlines while parenting two little ones ? Forget it . If I 'm not perfect , I 'll lose their respect . Or so I thought . It turns out that I have no interest in writing about my life if I can 't be honest . I don 't want to write about my trip to the museum if I can 't also write about how many times my toddler pulled my shirt up to nurse . I can 't share with you how hard it is to balance all the competing demands of my wonderful life if I can 't permit myself to admit that re - learning how to fit in grading papers is hard sometimes . If I was so concerned with censoring my posts , I felt pretty sure I didn 't want to blog anymore . Nah . I won 't stop . I just don 't want to . And I 've reached a decision about how to manage my concerns about exposing myself to my students : they 'll get over it . Or they won 't . Either way , it 's fine . I 'm not doing anything scandalous here ( hardly ) . I 'm not inappropriately discussing my course or students . I 'm just writing honestly about how I spend my time , how I choose to carve out this life of mine . I 'm a parent . I want to be a midwife one day . I want to be a doula right now . I love to teach . And I bake a lot . Nothing too crazy . So when I was baking today with Alyce and Shira , the first real baking adventure in our new kitchen , and Shira 's first time as sous - chef , I wanted to share it with you right away . I took their picture , the two of them bickering over who would sprinkle the baking soda into the bowl , and I wanted to share with you how glorious it feels to have our own space again . I wanted to tell you that I felt comfort baking with my girls , while Matt chatted with us from the other room . I wanted to tell you that adjusting to our new life in Toronto , as happy as it makes me , is sometimes hard , and that some days I spend a lot of time worrying about how we 'll make ends meet or where we 'll end up a year from now , but that no matter how much I worry , that baking with my daughters makes everything ok . That makes me human . I think my students already knew that . You already knew that , too . We moved back to Toronto for many reasons . They include , though are not limited to , reasons of community ( good friends ) , Jewish life ( good Shabbat dinners ) , vibrancy ( by the truckload ) , things like that . Leaving the house with two young children isn 't easy , but when I have an entire city just waiting for me explore , I can handle a little early morning chaos . Just so we 're clear : leaving the house with Alyce ( 4 . 5 ) and Shira ( 2 ) , in the summer , in a heatwave , for more than an hour , means packing snacks and lunch for three , preparing water bottles for three , finding swimsuits and towels and extra sets of clothes , applying sunscreen ( which , if done properly , takes at least ten minutes between the two of them , not counting the argument you know you 're going to have with Alyce about how putting sunscreen on her neck tickles ) , pre - departure bathroom stops , and at least one heated discussion with both of them over how many dollies can come with us . Oh , but it was worth it yesterday . We packed ourselves up and visited a new place with a new friend ( aren 't those great ? ) . Have any of you heard of Sugar Beach ? I had not . The park opened up in 2010 , and while it isn 't a traditional beach where you can wade into the water , it is an incredible space for making you feel like you 're at the beach . It 's like they found a pier and dumped sand right on top of it , just for you play in . So you can sit in enormous adirondack chairs ( bolted down for their safe - keeping ) , underneath enormous pink umbrellas , and enjoy a break from the sun while your two children bury your feet in the sand . Sound good ? It was . Even better was the splash pad tucked off to the side where Alyce and Shira spent most of our time , leaving me to chat with my friend and stare at her beautiful baby . Shira , a bit shy when it comes to splashing water , was only devastated once , when the calm bubbles of water shot up three feet and surrounded her in a giant waterfall . She never quite forgave it that . We were a tired bunch on the way home . Heading to the waterfront was worth the effort , but don 't let all that sand and splashing fool you into thinking that it was always an easy trip . From where we live we took one bus , two ( short ) subways , and walked fifteen minutes . Each way . That 's a lot to handle with a stroller and a bag filled with all that stuff I mentioned earlier . We were so exhausted after two hours at the park ( three hours since leaving our house ) that me and Alyce tucked ourselves away in an air - conditioned Starbucks for a lemonade the size of Shira , while the actual Shira caught a nap . But there was so much more than just being tired and I found enough patience yesterday to actually enjoy the good stuff , like watching Alyce discover buildings that seem to touch the clouds , or explaining to her sister how to ride the subway ( because she 's the expert now ) . We came home hot , tired , and some of us a bit sunburned ( ouch my back ) , but I think we all had that feeling of accomplishment to get us through . We adventured . And then we came home to rest up for next time . I was hiding in my room this morning trying to work for an hour or so before the day got away from me , and I was interrupted by the noise of my Shira screeching through the house , trying to convince Alyce to play with with her . No matter how much I craved some quiet , I couldn 't help but grin from ear to ear at the sound of Shira 's eagerness to join in on the fun . It got me thinking . P . S . I wrote this list in the morning and in the afternoon there were storms , or so I hear . We were in Cambridge all afternoon and know nothing of storm . What 's that they say about a no one being around to hear a tree falling in a forest ? P . P . S . And now I 'm reminded of my very favourite Gary Larson comic of all time , from The Far Side : " If a tree falls in the woods , and nobody is around to hear it , and it hits a mime , does anyone care ? " I read that one in high school and I am still giggling . No offence , mimes . Ahhh , moving . You think you 'll be unpacked in a week and then you realize you 've gone completely mad to think that anyone could complete more than one task a day with two young children under foot . And so here we are , a few hours from a very special night , and I 've got some work to do . ( At least the sunflowers are already in place . Fresh flowers are a must for this Shabbat table . ) I 'll see you back here next week , with some posts that I can 't wait to share . In the meantime , I am going to leave you with the following summer to - do list , created by me and Alyce earlier today . It is a list of all the things she would like to complete before the end of summer vacation . May it inspire your own summer adventures . I had to be out of the house for bedtime tonight , and though the girls should have been in bed fast asleep , by the time I returned , these two were still awake . Life doesn 't always turn out the way of a scheduled bedtime . Matt , who had probably imagined a couple of hours of quiet , spent two hours trying to convince Shira to fall asleep ( and with his lack of lactating parts he was losing the battle before it had even begun ) , which in turn ignited Alyce to begin her own petition for no - bedtime , since why should she sleep if the other wasn 't going to ( fair question ) ? When I walked in the door two hours past Shira 's bedtime she was a bit manic , in that joyful way she has about her . She immediately brought me to the couch where I nursed her for a few minutes , Alyce sprawled on top of the both of us . It was neither comfortable nor productive ( who could focus under these conditions ? ) , but it was absolutely worth a late bedtime . I was able to sit and enjoy my children for a few minutes before sending them off for the night , an absolutely perfect thing to do even when only away for a couple of hours . They climbed on Matt 's lap for a few minutes before it was really , really bedtime , and now I have these photos . This is why it 's good to relax some days . Note to self . I 'm writing this on the " oh please let that never happen again " side of food poisoning ( I made us a lovely dinner last night that I now deeply regret ) . Both Matt and I woke up over night with the dreaded pains and I won 't go into any of the rest . Except to tell you that both parents suffering from food poisoning while attempting to parent a four and two year old is not easy . Matt and I were able to trade off all day , one barely watching The Children while the other collapsed in bed . All I keep wondering now is how single parents do it . How do they do it ? We were so sick today and it felt unbearable to do things like make snacks or keep the room from spinning , and all the while I was able to depend on Matt , as sick as he was . So to single parents out there , that 's a lot of work . But enough about how terrible that was today . Let me tell you something exciting : our cats are no longer sequestered to a basement ! The best place for the cats at my mum 's place was the basement , a rather large and lovely , though still awfully dark , place . They were fine down there , fed and with room to lounge , but these cats are social beasts and they missed us . Matt and I would try to spend a little time each day with them , but it was never enough . Hille , the enormous one , likes to always be within arm 's reach , and I think he was a little depressed these past eight months . Poor guy . But now ! They have embraced our new apartment as though it was their dream home . There are windows in which to collapse , rooms filled with bright sunny daylight , and a constant source of companionship , even if most of the time that means Alyce and Shira . It 's only been a week but the change in their moods warms my heart , even if they smell of their food wafting through the house today did nothing for my poor stomach . It 's been nice remembering why we adopted them in the first place . As truly annoying as they are , they are lovely just the same . It 's been a good move all around . I 'm finally back from my move - induced break in posting , so I 'll be back here tomorrow with some details about our move . I 'll give you a hint : there are still many things to unpack , but boy do I not care . I am so happy to be back in Toronto that I 'll take the boxes and the cleaning anytime ( or for a week or two , at least ) . My body is aching and my feet have quit on me , but we 're here . We moved . We 've said a good - bye to my mum and stepfather ( though we 'll happily reunite again when we visit in a couple of weeks ) and a hello to a new start in Toronto . The girls are for the most part holding up amidst the chaos , only every so often succumbing to the emotional meltdowns triggered by too much change and too many boxes . Alyce clings to her sunflower seedling , I cling the knowledge that one day soon the boxes will be unpacked . Life continues as usual it seems , even though all we 're doing is unpacking . I wish there was a pause button I could reach for so that all the deadlines and responsibilities of life would just give me a few days There 's also a heat wave going on around us making my hair enormous and the packing all that much more uncomfortable . But none of that matters . We made it . Here we are . Of course there is so much to do still , jobs to start , routines to develop ( I 'm learning the hard way that routines are golden ) , kitchen layouts to plan . My instinct tells me to unpack ! Organize ! Work ! Plan ! But between the chaos and the heat wave , sometimes you just need to searching for snails instead , and so we give in . The boxes will wait . I 'll be back soon . Just let me unpack myself out of this box over here . Also , if anyone knows where the other piece to my coffee maker is , Matt would really appreciate it . Until then he keeps finding himself in line at Starbucks before seven in the morning . Posted by My reasons for keeping my name after marriage are many . First , I have earned my name . It is difficult to spell , has too many consonants , and no one can ever say it outside of Quebec . By the time I reached adulthood I felt as though I 'd put my time in , taken one for the team , and I was unwilling to just change it , give it up to the past . It was my name and I would stand behind it no matter what . And on the practical side I had already published articles in my research field under my original name and I didn 't want my previous work to go unnoticed if I started publishing under a new married name . I am also a feminist and that means I have spent a long time thinking about what happens to women when they marry and struggle with a new identity , including a new name . Marriage hasn 't always been the kindest to women , and while I am confident that Matt and I married as equals , as two people who loved each other and wanted to grow a family together , I was unwilling to ignore the way marriage has historically defined women as property , rendering them invisible under various institutions , like the law . Marrying my husband was the first step in our family , but I didn 't want to get lost along the path . Keeping my name was a way of marking this part of me , the part that never wants to forget the efforts involved in creating and supporting a culture that values men , women , and children together . It 's been five years since I made that decision , and now , I regret it . All of my reasons for keeping my name still stand , but now their are new ones . Their names are Alyce and Shira . When we talked about keeping my name , I remember telling Matt that they only thing that might push me to take his was the possibility of not sharing my name with my children . That was easy , he said , the girls can take your name . Well , that was easy . But then I was pregnant with Alyce and we found ourselves on the phone listening to Matt 's father beg us to continue his family name , and I just didn 't care enough ( or have a strong enough backbone ) to keep to my decision . Did it really matter , I wonder ? Probably not . And always the people - pleaser , I suggested to Matt that we keep with tradition and name the girls after him . It turns out that for me it does matter . Having a different name from Matt and the girls doesn 't make me question my place in our family . I am just as much a part of this chaos as Matt or the girls . Of course . But on a regular basis I am made acutely aware that I stand alone with a different name . Alyce has started asking me questions , asking me to explain why we don 't share a name . When I register her for school , or fill out the forms for Shira at the emergency room , I need to emphasize that I am indeed their mother . I don 't know why exactly , because it doesn 't make intellectual sense to me , but I really don 't like that question . Don 't they look at me and see the hours of labour I undertook to give birth , or the months years I 've spent breastfeeding or waking up at unnatural times because my girls are early risers , because that 's what I see . They see our names side - by - side and they look up at me and ask , are you the mother ? Ugh . Of course I am . And I also want to order those silly reply labels for our mail and I want one name . How do I reconcile this with my feminism ? Is this just the beginning of my conflating my identity with that of my husband , or another one of those times where motherhood makes a woman turn away from feminism ? Am I turning away from a deeply - treasured value simply because it 's hard to feel left out sometimes ? No , I don 't think so . The feminist call for women to keep their names was timely and necessary . It was a call for women to redefine their marriage and the marriages of future generations . And while we can 't turn our backs on the efforts of feminist movements past ( because we must defend and protect the rights and opportunities afforded to women on account of this hard work ) , we can redefine some of the terms . My feminist commitment does not hinge on my last name . And while I probably won 't change my name at this point , my unexpected reaction to my decision has reminded me how important one 's identity truly is . It 's complex . Things change .
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The single greatest thing I 've done for my recovery is to be vulnerable . The last thing I wanted to do was open up about my struggle , but it was only when I decided to directly defy this instinct that I began to find peace . Every single time that I 've shared my struggles with others - without exception - their responses have been more positive and supportive than I could have ever imagined . Instead of confirming my deep fear that they would judge me in the way I judge myself , every single person I have talked to has responded with an outpouring of love . When you 're diagnosed and folks find out , they sometimes treat you differently . It can feel like they 're watching your every move . The best thing that helped me was meeting someone who knew nothing about it . I was going to therapy when I met him , but I never took him , and I didn 't tell him about it for a long , long time . He just accepted me , giving me the confidence to get better without actively doing anything other than loving me . Nineteen years later , and I still think my husband of a decade really has no idea that he literally saved me . I had anorexia on and off through my teenage years and twenties . One of the things that really helped me in my recovery was to stop buying magazines . Not seeing those unrealistically skinny women helped me a lot in recalibrating what women 's bodies can look like . To me , recovery is ongoing . Every meal is an opportunity to start over . I find making meal dates helps . Since I tend to isolate , I have friends who drag me out . I don 't like to cook , nor do I like the smell of food , so not focusing on the meal , and focusing on the company instead , is a huge help . My therapist suggested I take a cooking class . I could pick whichever one I wanted , but I had to go . I thought she was batshit crazy for making a girl who wasn 't eating go cook , but I did it anyway ! I picked a Spanish tapas class , and fell in love with cooking . I 'm now healthy and an excellent cook . I 've been in recovery from anorexia nervosa for three and a half years now . When I was a junior in high school , I started watching the Food Network and ended up getting really into cooking . I found that following a recipe was something very therapeutic for me . Cooking helped me understand how important food was to everyday life , and , since I was cooking the meals , it was less anxiety - provoking when I ate them . I still cook for my friends and family whenever I can . I started watching Jamie Oliver 's cooking show , The Naked Chef , and began to find it interesting . I started to focus on re - creating his dishes for my family and gradually started to eat the food I had cooked , although it took a long time ! I often wonder where I would be now if Jamie hadn 't been around ! On the suggestion of an anonymous user on Whisper , I went to a medical marijuana dispensary . I hadn 't even considered it before ! The girl I spoke to there was so excited . She had been wondering about the effects of THC on eating disorders , since THC was proving so helpful for people with anxiety . She showed me each strain , explained how each affects appetite and mood , and then got a sample for me to try in the back . Twenty minutes later , for the first time in almost a year , I was calm and hungry . I cried . I get help with my anxiety and depression now , and for the most part I can deal pretty well with it , but I always keep some Indica around just in case it kicks in full force again . Any time it does , I 'll have the tiniest amount , and I 'm eating properly within half an hour . I spent nearly half a year in an outpatient program at the hospital , where I was forced to face my worst fears about my weight , food , and myself . Being around other girls and boys who struggled with the same mental thought processes and fears helped greatly , allowing us all to share our experiences and encourage each other to battle our inner demons . I now volunteer at a hospital , and have been part of many opportunities in university that aid in boosting students ' self - esteem , health , and mental wellness . It allows me to spread that positive message , and reminds me why being kind to myself is so important . Purposeful activity using my eating disorder experiences has really helped . I have a project called Stitching Out Stigma , which has really taken off . We have lots of support globally , and a wonderful , supportive online community . This gives me a sense of pride , a feeling that I 'm not alone , and the belief that , even from something as bad as an eating disorder , some goodness can come . The biggest thing is finding the right therapist and sticking with it ! Six years into recovery , and I still see my therapist every week . It is so important . Recovery is a journey - you want someone to be with you and help guide you ! I suffered with binge - eating disorder for three years , but now am in my recovery and haven 't binged for almost a month . One thing that helped me was allowing trial and error with therapists . When my first counselor didn 't help me much , I was really discouraged . I thought no one could ever help me . After keeping with it , though , I found a counselor who I felt really understood me , and who was very experienced . When she told me how many people with BED she 'd helped recover , I knew that I could do it too . I 've been getting better with the help of an Instagram account I created . It helped me post the meals that I 've been eating and discover people who were struggling with the same things that I am . This has given me the strength to eat more , and even have some of my " fear foods . " I am not recovered , but I am in the process , and I 'm not that great at taking pictures , but slowly getting somewhere . One thing that helps me is my dog . I adopted her a few months into recovery , and she has been a real gift to my spirit . She keeps me on a schedule , and the simple act of caring about her health made me recognize how my parents and people who love me feel about my own health . She 's a constant companion , around whenever I 'm feeling stressed , and having her with me helps to ease feelings of pain or anxiety . A few months after reaching my sickest point , I adopted a special - needs German shepherd named Buddy . Buddy had his tongue cut out when he was young , and he struggles to do many things that we take for granted . He was underweight , mangy , and had severe anxiety . In order to care for him and have the energy to meet his needs , I needed to be stronger . Slowly , I began facing my fear foods and gaining weight . Physically , it was uncomfortable ; mentally , however , the more I ate , the better I felt ! By taking care of Buddy , I was taking care of myself . We both got healthy , and now I can focus on taking care of him instead of counting calories or working out obsessively . He is the most loving and loyal best friend I could ask for . I know that if I had not gotten him , I probably would have not let go of my ED . Everyone always says that I saved him , but I know that he saved me as well ! Accountability has been huge for my recovery . Having that one person who I am able to turn to and say , " I 'm struggling with food today " or " I really want to purge right now " has really helped . Eating disorders are all about secrecy , and when I am able to expose my eating disorder to someone trustworthy , it keeps me more accountable in maintaining healthy behaviors . Though it has taken me a long time to reach this point - and sometimes it is still hard for me to reach out - expressing my thoughts and feelings in the moment have made a world of difference in keeping my eating disorder behaviors minimal . A huge part of my eating disorder has always been about feeling like I don 't fit in . One of my biggest triggers is social isolation , or situations that leave me feeling like I 'm disliked . If I 'm feeling especially broken on any given day , it 's essential for me to talk to people . No matter how much you want to self - isolate - and the urges can be strong - force yourself to be around people you get along with . It will give you other things to think about , and remind you that you do have people in your life who want to spend time with you . Realizing that this is one of the roots of my eating disorder has been essential to understanding myself , and being able to evaluate how I feel . What has helped my most in my recovery from anorexia is not isolating myself . Spending more time outside of my bedroom . Eating with my family . Hanging out with friends . Doing all those things that teens normally do , but which an eating disorder usually keeps you from . What has gotten - and continues to get - me through my recovery ? I started my own cake - making business after being told I was too unwell to work . This gave me such a confidence boost in having a purpose , and creating work that others not only appreciated but were eager to pay for . This gave me a lifeline I critically needed , and I can never be able to explain to all those who supported me how important their support really was . What helped me recover from anorexia and other destructive behaviors was pushing myself outside my comfort zone , and going on an adventure . Last summer I studied abroad in Italy . It was by far the best experience of my life . Being in a different environment forced me to change negative habits like weighing myself daily . I also had to give up control over everything I ate . Eventually being happy in such a beautiful place and with a bunch of new friends made me appreciate the better things in life . Life is so much better when I focus on who I 'm with and where we are , rather than how many calories I am consuming . The best help I received was free - an online community of people recovering from their eating disorders . They would share their feelings and thoughts and their good and bad days , and you never felt like you were alone . You could have group chats and make friends and speak to each other whenever you wanted and needed . If you were struggling , they would be there to help , and it 's more than likely they understood what you were feeling . Without online support from people recovering together , I don 't think I would have recovered from my bulimia . After months of therapy and a plateau in my treatment process - which included medication , outpatient therapy , and eating logs - my therapist suggested group therapy . Sharing my thoughts with complete strangers who don 't know me ? It sounded absolutely crazy and unappealing to me , but I figured anything was worth a shot . I quickly fell in love . These girls went from strangers to my closest confidants , coming from all walks of life but still able to not only relate to me , but also prove to me that I wasn 't completely crazy and alone . Group therapy taught me so many things about myself and other people , and even strengthened my relationships with people I interacted with outside of group . Just after turning 25 , I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly four years . I live alone , and had used that as an excuse to feed into the ED previously , but I knew I couldn 't fall into that hole again . On a whim one morning , I decided to give yoga a try . I pulled up a video on YouTube for a 30 - day challenge , and once I made it through the 30 days , I kept going , eventually finding a studio but remaining self - taught . After a few months , I realized my mind - set had completely shifted . All of a sudden , I couldn 't justify not eating or barely eating , because I had this newfound awareness and appreciation for my body , and I wanted to take care of it , for the first time in my adult life . I 'm now enrolled to get my 200 - hour teacher certification this winter , and plan eventually to leave my corporate job to pursue yoga full - time . It 's completely transformed every aspect of my mental and physical life , and the best part is that I like me . The most helpful tools or outlets for me have been drawing and coloring . The things I 'm drawing aren 't usually even about my body ; it 's more about knowing I have control over what I create , marker in hand , whatever color I want . It 's my chance to express myself freely and openly . It seems so silly that coloring would do that , but that 's been huge . I 've found something similar in dance . When I 'm on my own in the studio - not rehearsing , usually wearing a lot of baggy , darker clothing - it no longer becomes about my body , but just the movement . During my recovery I saw therapists , did acupuncture , tried recovery meetings , took medications , and even though all of this added together helped me in some way , it was ultimately the journaling I did all the way through this 12 - year process that got me through . Sometimes it would just be swear words scribbled out , and other times there were beautiful poems . But every time I wrote , I understood just a little more about myself . It helped me to process everything inside my head . Now I have four completely filled journals , and it 's quite fun to go back and read them , to know everything that was going on in my head at certain times . All those obsessive thoughts in my head needed a place to go - otherwise I probably would have exploded . I struggled with an eating disorder throughout high school and into college . I was ashamed of it and dependent on it at the same time . Then I read Bossypants by Tina Fey and I started to realize there is so much more to being a woman than what you look like . I turned to other strong women in their memoirs , too - fromEat , Pray , Love by Elizabeth Gilbert to Wild by Cheryl Strayed and Yes , Please by Amy Poehler . They all taught me how to be a confident , funny , independent , compassionate , forgiving , badass woman . Their books saved me . Honest to god , Parks and Recreation was the super - boost I needed to kick my eating disorder 's ass . When I made the decision to go into recovery , insurance wouldn 't cover inpatient , but I had options through my university 's campus counseling center . My therapist on campus realized the best way for me to get through a meal was to be distracted , so I wouldn 't think about all the " bad " things in my food . My boyfriend at the time would always eat dinner in front of the TV and he was really into Parks and Rec . So we 'd make dinner , sit down , and watch TV . Seeing someone like Leslie reignited something in me . She was someone with goals , and filled with optimism , even when she failed . For the first time in a long time , I didn 't see myself as this horrible , ugly person who needed to fade away . I saw myself as someone with goals and the ambition and ability to reach them . Recovery is not easy and it 's not quick . It can be a two steps forward , one step back sort of process , especially at the beginning . Setbacks will happen - you 'll purge or restrict or binge - but that doesn 't mean that recovery is hopeless . I slipped hundreds of times , but I kept going to therapy . I told my therapist about my slipups . We worked on them . I went home , slipped up again . You need to be patient with yourself . If you want to get better , you will get better . One of the coping mechanisms that I use a lot to help distract me is crocheting . I actually learned to crochet while in treatment , and it still really helps me out . It 's satisfying to create something useful : blankets , scarves , hats , etc . , and it takes my mind off of things ! One of the things that really triggered my downfall was calorie counting . It was my drug . I was aware of every calorie that went into my body and every calorie I burned . I was obsessed and paranoid . When I finally decided to quit , it turned out to be the best and biggest step of my recovery . As of today , I feel in control of my life again . I don 't count calories , and I don 't use scales . I don 't even look when I go to my doctor . The numbers are irrelevant to me - what matters is how I 'm feeling . The thing that has helped me with my recovery is Taylor Swift . When I was at a camp in Arizona for an eating disorder , her Fearless album was released and the whole house jammed to it . I realized that I actually was fearless , and that things could change . I spent the rest of my time there constantly thinking about how fearless I was - I had a huge fear of heights , and with the phrase " fearless " in my mind , I was able to climb a telephone pole and zip - line off of it . I am so proud that Taylor helped me through that and that I still am a fan to this day . One of the habits I had for the longest time was writing " fuerza " ( " strength " in Spanish ) on my wrist , as a reminder to be stronger than the urge to eat . This was terrible , but as I entered the recovery process , I started writing it on my wrist to remind myself not to make myself throw up . Then it was a reminder to be strong and healthy , instead of fighting my body 's natural urge to literally just keep me alive . The message of that word totally flipped , and I decided that in 2015 I would be healthy . When I didn 't binge or purge for about five months ( the longest by far in a long time ) , I got my handwriting tattooed to my side , as my permanent reminder to be strong - and as my college graduation present to myself . I can 't NOT be strong if it 's tattooed to my ribs ! The other day I was shaming myself for the size of my clothes , and I immediately killed the thought by thinking , Fuck off . It may sound weird , but talking back to my eating disorder - whether that be in my head , out loud , or in writing - has been so beneficial and given me a sense of internal strength I didn 't know I had . Externalizing the eating disorder was a big first step to realizing I could make changes , even if those changes will take a long time ( maybe even the rest of my life ) to adjust to . To recover from anorexia , I needed time . But what really expedited the process was a book called Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson . It was a perfect representation of the mental state of a person with anorexia nervosa , which I never heard anyone ever correctly voice , and haven 't heard since . Becoming pregnant helped me . It was something I never thought would happen , and suddenly it wasn 't about me anymore . It was about my son - nourishing and growing him , and seeing him safely into the world . Once he was born he needed a mom who was present , healthy , and happy . My baby boy is the light of my life and the reason for my recovery . There have been so many incredible women in my life who have shown me how to be strong and take control of my life , but the best women for me in my recovery have been the women who have gone through similar things . I met my best friend Elizabeth in the hospital six years ago . We held each other 's hands as we both healed . We learned to laugh again , cry again , feel again . We supported each other , and continue to support each other . We have become " friend soulmates . " I don 't think I would have healed as easily without her by my side . Knowing you 're not alone is a powerful tool . Having a nutritionist who specialized in ED literally saved my life . She helped me understand what my body needed versus what my brain wanted to eat . It 's an addiction , and it will never go away , but I take baby steps each day , and I have no shame in admitting it . The thing that helped me the most was acting . At first , it was just a chance to be someone else , because it was so incredibly painful being myself . Then I realized that when I was in the theater , or while doing acting - related things , the ED voice couldn 't reach me ; the harmful thoughts I used to have constantly would simply disappear . I had something that kept me safe , something I loved so much that I wanted to stay alive so I could keep doing it . Although anorexia is still a part of my life and I 'll have to keep watching out for it , I 've found something that is way more important to me . I am a teacher . This is how I find my recovery possible : thinking about the children , the work that I do , the love I have for the job and for them , and , ultimately , that I am a role model for them . I keep distracted through daily work tasks and keep reminding myself that I have 49 little minds to educate and support . If I were to relapse , I wouldn 't be here for them . For me , having an eating disorder meant consistently having multiple voices in my head - one telling me to eat because I don 't want to pass out , one saying I can 't afford the calories , another negotiating how much I can eat , and still another saying I can eat whatever I want as long as I purge . I started drawing out my thought processes in diagrams , sometimes accompanied with pictures . I could point out the gaps in my rationale , and also journal out the things that made me feel helpless . I didn 't realize until recovery how irrational these thoughts truly are . When my eating disorder was at its worst , I felt very alone . I didn 't know how to explain it to anyone , so I made up my own friends I could talk to about eating disorders . It was similar to journaling , but it felt like I was confiding in a friend . I would write numerous short stories about people with eating disorders , making their situations similar to or different than mine . Now I look back to read them , almost fully recovered , and my made - up characters still bring comfort and warmth to me . The journey was still difficult , but as I grew , so did my " friends " - which proves that art , creativity , and sensitivity are some of the most important things an individual can discover and utilize . Whenever I was having a hard day in recovery - which happened a lot , especially at the beginning - I would make a list of things that I was excited to live for , whether that included a movie night with my sisters at the end of the week or my wedding dress that I would wear in 10 years . My list expanded every hard day , until I had pages and pages of things worth living for . When I got sad or thought of restricting , I would read through my list and remember that it wasn 't worth the rest of my life to look a certain way . I am still on the road to recovery , but every day I get closer to being happy with who I am , and that is definitely worth living for . I adapted my habits to combat the 21st - century onslaught of impossible standards . Like most people with access to social media , I 'm pretty active on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , etc . And like most people , my feeds were inevitably consumed by images of other women 's perfect bodies . So I starting seeking out women of different body sizes to follow , for a more positive view of women 's physique . As a result , not only am I getting regular reinforcement that all types of bodies should be celebrated , but I 'm exposed to women who celebrate all of the many other attributes that make someone beautiful . Getting rid of toxic people is HUGE for recovery . My ex - boyfriend was a huge trigger for my eating disorder , although I denied it before recovery . If you rely on someone else to supply your happiness and comfort , something 's wrong . Thoroughly reevaluate who 's in your life and why . Get rid of them if you don 't smile when you think of them . Whenever I am having a hard time , I reach out to my loved ones or counselors to talk , or I meditate . I go for a hike , take some time to reflect on my thoughts myself . I find nature a great place to reflect and also sometimes use mediation apps to center in . For me , what helped to bring me to the point I am now was to not be secretive . It helps to not be ashamed of what you used to do . By being open about my experiences , it 's hard for me to fall back into old habits . No one person 's experience with eating disorders is the same , but knowing that there are others out there with similar stories is really helpful . The hardest part of recovery was trying to find appropriate outlets for my anxious energy . One afternoon , I put on my athletic shoes and went for a run . And I know exactly what you 're thinking , but don 't worry . The act of running actually reinforced the amazing power that my body held . I would go for a couple miles and just look down at my legs and think , Whoa , these things are amazing . I started to appreciate my body more and wanted to take care of it . My runs started getting longer and longer ; my confidence grew , and the self - critical voice in my head diminished . Running helped me understand how much I am capable of when I actually love myself enough to take care of it and listen to what it needs . Running . Instead of going to the gym , where machines show you calories burned and you can find some really F 'd up posters that only serve to fat - shame people , I took to the streets . I felt strong . As a guy with an eating disorder , it was very hard on me . I always had a very unhealthy relationship with food . When I was younger , I always overate ; during my late teen years , I didn 't eat at all . To help me get back into a routine of eating again , I started to rely on who I was in my relationship with the Lord . I remembered that I am wonderfully made , and I wasn 't honoring my body as a temple . It 's been about three years of eating well . To this day , I still have negative thoughts , or times when I feel I over - or undereat , but it 's a process in learning to love myself for who I am , and love my body for how God created it . I feel that the act of reflecting on my values and goals help in moments of frustration . I 've made posters and placemats , and decorated crockery and my scales to put those goals in front of me . It started as an attempt to keep my focus on the bigger picture in a helpful way , but the act of creating them is also a helpful activity . A lot changed when signed up to lead an Outward Bound - type program for freshmen at my college for a week . During the trip , we had to hike with huge packs , for many , many miles a day , and I realized that I needed to stay healthy if I wanted to have enough energy to carry out the physical challenges of the trip , and to take care of other people . In the process of leading this trip , I realized how awesomely powerful and functional the human body is . It ultimately helped me to treat my body with more respect and focus more on what my body could do rather than what it could not . I use paper crafting to help my mind relax and heal . I really like to use my hands , and small detail crafts can engage me completely and distract me from any ongoing stresses . It allows me to pause and take the time to put everything coming at me into perspective . I love the idea of a pop - up card , because each is unique and made specifically for the recipient , based on things they love or on inside jokes we have . Crafting calms my mind down so that I can logically approach situations outside of the project I 'm working on . Many have told me that I should sell my cards on Etsy , but that idea is unappealing to me . It would turn my hobby into another source of work and stress , which is a no - no . The detail and focus required to cut , paint , measure , glue , emboss , and whatever else I decide to throw on a card is a fantastic relief from any stresses in my life . I 've been bulimic since I was 11 years old . I went through friends and boyfriends who were encouraging , but it wasn 't until getting better mattered enough to ME that I started working on a way out . I can 't say the specific trigger , but the deciding factor was piercing my belly button . I had wanted it for years , but I always told myself I wasn 't thin enough for a belly button ring . One day , I said to myself , If I 'm not good enough now , when am I ever going to be ? Something about treating my body like it was beautiful - decorating it , making it look the way I wanted it - triggered a change in me . When I read a few memoirs and novels about others who suffered like I did , I realized A LOT of these books started off with " I remember when I first heard my mom say she wanted to be thinner " or " I remembered seeing my mother poke her stomach in disgust . " It made me realize that if I didn 't get better , I could potentially raise a child who views themselves like I viewed myself - not good enough , or pretty enough , or smart enough , no matter what anyone else said . I want to teach my child how to be proud and confident , but how can I do that if I can 't practice what I preach ? It didn 't cure me , but it got me in the door to finally ask my doctor for help , which did . Music has been such a savior in my life - one song in particular , especially if I was crying and trying to fight with myself about whether I was going to purge or not . That song was " Unpretty " by TLC . The lyric " But if you can look inside you / find out who am I to be in the position / to make me feel so damn unpretty " really stuck with me . It helped me realize that while there were a lot of pressures on me , ultimately I had to remind myself how " good enough " I was . I wrote out and added illustrations for the lyrics and put it on the wall of my bathroom . Some days it made all the difference . Read ED recovery sites like Let 's Recover or Bye , Dear Ana . Recovery takes a long time . Be patient - every day will make you stronger as long as you 're willing . It 's probably the best choice you 'll ever make . I used to color and journal whenever I felt anxious about food . I also watched funny YouTube videos to make me laugh . ( I watched and still watch tons of BuzzFeed Violet , Blue , Yellow , and Red ! ) - Josie
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Our beautiful seed is starting to sprout . . . . seriously . . . where did my tiny itty bitty helpless baby go ? ? She 's doing big baby things now like playing in her exersaucer ( even though her feet don 't reach without a blanket under them ) and eating in her high chair and rolling over and over and over , making raspberries , and whining if she gets bored or if we don 't feed her fast enough ! She 's interacting more and smiling a lot ! She 's no longer content just hanging out . . . . she wants music and lights and action ! If you think she looks bigger she IS ! She is packing on the chub ! Mila bean you are cherished beyond belief . You are a princess , deserving of everything good in this life . You are loved and wanted and needed . You are perfect just the way you are ! You are a beautiful child of God , finally being loved the way you were created to be loved ! Posted by Mila continues to do well . Sorry I didn 't want to say that too loud ! She seems to be getting into a schedule - ish for sleeping . She typically goes down around 7 : 15 and occassionally fusses in her sleep , but the past couple of nights she has only woken up once between 3 - 4 to eat and have her diaper changed , then she goes back to sleep until about 6 : 30 / 6 : 45 . That is sooooo much more doable than waking up allllll night long ! We are praying it continues ! ! ! Her naps have been okay , she is still catnapping for the most part for her morning and evening naps , but usually gets a good hour nap in the afternoon . She has been taking her bottles well and has really been enjoying stage 1 baby food . So far she has tried green beans , bananas , squash , and pears . She likes them all and sits with her mouth open waiting for the next bite ! She is back to rolling over from her back to belly but cannot figure out how to get from her belly to her back . This has scared us several times as she rolls over in her sleep and then is face down , or cries when she can 't get herself turned back over ! Hopefully she 'll get strong enough to do that soon ! Any time we lay her on her back on the floor she 's instantly on her tummy . . . she loves being on her tummy , until she get 's tired and then can 't roll back over ! Today she got her monthly synagis shot and she weighed in at 14 pounds , 4 ounces ! ! ! She is definitely looking chubbier to me , but still seems frail . and flimsy . . she 's got a ways to go but we 're getting there ! Remember she weighed 7 . 5 pounds when we met her so she has almost doubled her weight from 3 months ago ! The girls at her pediatrician 's office today couldn 't believe how good she looked ! I love hearing that because I can obviously see she looks good , but I 'm with her every moment of every day so to hear others gasping at how much she has changed makes me feel like we are really seeing progress ! We had her intake meeting for early intervention this morning and they will evaluate her next week and then she 'll get physical therapy and occupatAnd here is our sweet jelly bean When the cardiologist first looked at Mila 's heart he said he could see a sliver of fluid , just a teeny tiny amount and he was excited that it was obviously even better than the day we were discharged . As he continued to look and take measurements and do all those " echo things , " he suddenly couldn 't even see the sliver of fluid anymore . . . . not a trace . . . he checked 3 different views and said " I must have overestimated what I saw , I don 't see any fluid at all now . " WOW ! Maybe he overestimated or maybe the fluid miraculously dissapeared half way through the echo . . . . all things are possible with God ! We are able to stop her blood pressure medication ! Her pulmonary hypertension is just very mild and he hopes that it will dissapear completely as her little body continues to heal . . . please pray for that specifically ! She will continue on the lasix and the anti - inflammatories until we go back in a few weeks to see him again ! Oh I hope this means she 's on the mend from all this ! ! ! ! Thank you for your love ! Mila has her echo tomorrow at 11 : 00 . . . they squeezed us in , which meant we had to cancel another appointment , but this is most important . I can 't help but worry worry worry that she isn 't getting better . She had an awful night last night not sleeping well at all and just very fussy again and crying in her sleep . I 'm really really hoping its just teething ( she 's been chewing on her hands non stop for a few weeks ) or a belly ache from the meds she 's on , or just still being a little constipated from anesthesia . I am so nervous for the appointment but just praying there is no fluid around the heart . I start second guessing everything . . . . like she has gained 8 ounces since being home , is that good because she 's been eating decently or is that bad because it means more fluid ? This road has been long and it seems every time we can begin to breathe again the other shoe drops . . . . we 're trying to stay positive but can 't help but almost expect that something else might go wrong . I 'm ready to get out of this rough ocean and enjoy the sand for a while . . . . prayers for a good appointment tomorrow are appreciated . 3rd time 's a charm , RIGHT ? ! Oh I don 't even know where to begin with this whirlwind of a time life has just taken us through . First of all , we so appreciate all of your thoughts , prayers , comments , love , good wishes , and concern for our family ! Thank you ! ! ! A friend reminded me that Mila 's suffering was not without purpose . . . . that so many around the world have been following and praying and watching God do miracle after miracle in Mila 's little life . May all the glory be to him ! Just as we felt we couldn 't take any more , God swooped in and showed up big time for Mila ( and for us ) ! He loves her so much , even more than we do , and that I just can 't imagine . Through this trying time , we 've become closer as a family . Shawn and I have become closer as husband and wife , having no other choice than to lean on one another . Shawn has completely impressed me as a husband and father through these difficult times . He has always been amazing , but through all of Mila 's surgeries and hospital stays , and unknown medical situations , he has held us together as a family . He has continually put himself last and made sure that all of his girls ' needs were met before he even considered himself . He has spoken words of encouragement to me when I was at my weakest and never once voiced his stresses or frustrations because he knew I needed him to stay strong for both of us . He is an amazing man of God . I am so blessed to have him as my husband and our girls are so blessed to have him as a father . We think that Mila was in such horrible pain with the chest tube in and that may be part of the reason she wasn 't eating . . . or all of the reason . I had no idea how horrible that pain was for her until after the tube was out . I wish I would have known . One of my readers said a chest tube was more painful than a leg amputation for her . . . . ouch . That put it into perspective for me : ( My poor babe . So the final verdict was that this pericarditis was caused by the trauma of the surgery and it 's unlikely to come back , but she will be on anti - inflamatoriesI show those pictures only to prove how amazing our God is and to show you that your prayers have played a big role in Mila 's recovery . She was still a little puffy when we left the hospital , but looks like herself today ! And here are some pictures of our little miracle girl since we 've been home ! We 're just hanging out waiting to talk to the team about our jelly bean . She slept through most of the night and woke up happy . She is taking her bottles well and even had some rice cereal this morning . Her lungs sound much better today ! She had her echo about an hour ago and the tech said it looked great : ) But we are waiting for the official word . We do know for sure it is an improvement from yesterday and think that it showed very little to no fluid around her heart ! She has been soaking diapers all morning so hopefully that means the fluid is all on its way out ! She looks much less puffy today , just about back to her normal look . I will have to post pictures of how puffy she was at it 's worst . ( I didn 't realize how bad it was until I looked back at pictures ) . This morning the doctor asked Shawn if we felt comfortable going home today IF her echo was clear and she was doing better . I am a little nervous , just because of what happened last time we were discharged , but they did assure us that we would have an echo next week and that once the fluid is gone it is unlikely to come back . I asked them if we could just borrow the echo machine to take home with us ; ) She has now had 11 echos done . . . and I think I get an honorary echo technician certificate LOL . Here is a video of Mila . . . check out her focused , determined look when she is concentrating ! She is a smart cookie and figuring out cause and effect ! P . S . Thank you to " a friend " for our angel of hope ( love it ! ! ! ) and the flower for the girls ! ! ! The message was so uplifting , thank you ! Look at this happy girl ! ! ! ! ! Mila drank another 4 ounce bottle ! ! ! ! I 've never been so happy as I was today to just hold her and watch her gulp down that baba ! She is starting to seem like herself again . I 'm almost afraid to type this . . . . but I think we 're turning the corner here ! About 30 minutes after they took the drain out she really perked up . Maybe it was causing a greater amount of pain than we gave credit to . We knew it was very uncomfortable , but they think maybe it was causing some referred belly pain too . They gave her an extra dose of lasix so hopefully that will help with the extra fluid in her lungs . We are also praying that tomorrow 's ECHO shows no signs of fluid around the heart as it did this morning . I seriously cannot believe how she changed so drastically from this morning ! ! Even her breathing is improving , but not where we want it yet . She is laughing and smiling and just seems so happy ! She 's also fighting sleep which makes me think she 's feeling a bit better too ! My heart sooo needed to see her like this after such a rough morning ! They still are unsure what caused the fluid build up ( other than her recent open heart surgery ) and are hoping for a clear chest xray and echo tomorrow morning . . . that would be another miracle . Please keep praying , your prayers are being heard ! Mila just drank a full bottle ! ! ! ! ! ( 4 oz . ) And she seems much happier with the drain out ! They gave her an extra dose of lasix to see if that helps all the fluid in lungs . AND I showered ! Thanks for the prayers keep them coming . . . . hope we are close to turning the corner . . . . it 's a BIG DEAL that she ate ! ! ! ! ! ! Last night Mila would have slept through the night if " obviously never been a parent Nurse " hadn 't woken her up 400 times to do stupid things like change her diaper when it was unnecessary . If all went well , the mean nurse should have met 4 flat tires on her car upon leaving the hospital ( kidding ) . Mila has been really lethargic and still not eating well . She has been eating about 6 ounces a day : ( She starts drinking and then turns away and looks back at her bottle like , " I really want that but I 'm just too exhausted to bother with it . " They are still concerned with her breathing , its rapid and labored . The chest xray this morning showed fluid in her lungs and a pocket of fluid in the bottom of one of her lungs . . . . sigh : ( They said the lasix should be taking care of that , but clearly it isn 't . I asked about pneumonia and they said they don 't think it 's pneumonia . Her echo showed she still has a small pocket of fluid on the right side of her heart , although it is a tad smaller than it was yesterday . They tried one more time to pull any fluid out of the drain and got nothing , so they pulled the drain . That was enough pain for her and I to last a lifetime . I can 't even begin to describe how terrible that was . But she seemed just a smidgen happier after it was out and she was snuggling in my arms . It 'd be great if she 'd start eating again and maybe that was the issue , but I doubt it . They tested her hemoglobin and talked about doing a blood transfusion because her levels were low upon arrival in the ER , but decided her levels were okay and they don 't need to do the transfusion . They were thinking maybe that was why she 's been so lethargic and not eating , but met a dead end there when the levels came back okay . They honestly told me they 're not quite sure why her breathing isn 't returning to normal and they don 't think the fluid that is around her heart and in her lungs is enough to cause this much of an issue . It is so frustrating . So the doctors said they have some " investigating " to do . Please pray that they can fMila after tube was pulled Mila is teaching us that we need to celebrate every single day . We certainly do not take her life for granted . We have seen how fragile life is through her struggles . Today is Mila 's 307th day alive . THAT is something to celebrate . And it will be something to celebrate tomorrow on day 308 and every day after for the rest of her beautiful life . She has survived by the grace of God for 307 days ; only 54 of those days in America . That means she spent 253 days mostly alone , sick , some of those days in intensive care in a hospital in Ukraine , some of those days in isolation in an orphanage . 253 days people ! Every single day she woke up , still alive , just holding on , waiting for her miracle . Remember that when you 're having a bad day and you don 't want to get out of bed in the morning . She is such an inspiration . She is a miracle . Only God can be glorified through her story . I can 't wait to understand and watch His plan for her unfold . All I know is that His plan is magnificent . It 's like waiting to unwrap the first gift of Christmas when you 're 5 years old , but even better . I wish I could peek in and see what beautiful things He has in store for her . Today I 'm reminded that I hope we never forget how fleeting and fragile and beautiful this one and only ife is . Mila , an hour ago , through the pain and tears she mustered up a smile . In all she is going through she managed to smile , even if it was only for a second . Posted by Mila slept very well last night . She still isn 't eating great , but definitely eating more than she was before we got here . She is pretty fussy when awak , mixed with a few smiles . Her breathing still hasn 't returned to normal so I had worries prior to the echo . They just did the echo and were hoping to see no re - accumulation of fluid but there was a small amount of fluid on the right side of the heart that wasn 't there after the procedure yesterday : ( They tried to drain it through the tube they left in , but only got 2cc 's . The fluid seems to be in a pocket that the drain can 't reach . They 're hoping the anti - inflamatories they 're giving her will take care of the fluid by reducing the inflamation . She looks a little puffy around the face and neck so they are going to restart her lasix . This all means the drain will have to stay in until at least tomorrow when they do the next echo . It is pretty uncomfortable for Mila and it hurts her when we pick her up , so we requested a better bed that she 'll be a little more comfortable in since she isn 't tolerating being held much . I would request morphine but that seems to make her itch so bad it isn 't even worth it . It 's going to be a long day ahead I have a feeling . We just want to see our girl healthy and happy . Shawn and Zoya are going home today . Through this all , Zoya has developed an aversion to her carseat ( I don 't blame her ) so that might make the ride home a little rough for Shawn . Please pray for our family . Mila drank 4 ounces of pedialyte and 2 ounces of formula right after surgery ! She was having some belly discomfort so she was a little fussy but once that was relieved she fell asleep and has been sleeping soundly for a couple of hours . She has to be exhausted . She slept 3 hours last night and maybe an hour today between naps . We are really really hoping we start seeing the happy girl we know is inside there very soon ! The cardiology team just came in and gave the run down of the " plan " as long as Mila doesn 't have her own plan ! They 're going to check the drain in the morning and decide if they want to pull it or not based on the amount of fluid draining . They will do another echo and keep a very close eye to make sure no more fluid is building up . They want to keep her at least a couple more days if all goes well . They sent fluid samples away for testing to make sure there is no infection present . Whenever she is discharged they will keep a very close eye on her and we 're already making arrangements with our local pediatric cardiologist to be seen there to save the many trips back here . ( Our local guy is really good for follow up and he is Zoya 's cardiologist ) . I 've been thinking a lot about Mila 's life through all this , but especially these last two days . I 've been reflecting on how we lost Laina and how the path seemed so crooked and how hurt we were . We trusted through the hurt and were led to Mila . I know God did not make a mistake here . I have absolutely no doubt that if God did not lead us to Mila at that exact moment she would have died without ever knowing love , family , and belonging . He knew all along she would be ours . He knew all along each and every struggle she would go through . He made her a fighter and he gave her a family . Knowing her now , I can hardly look her in the eye when I think about almost not continuing our journey past Laina . The sad truth is SO MANY orphans are dying . So many are sick like Mila and wasting away in an orphanage without family and without medical care . Maybe one of thoseThrough these struggles our thread to Mila is being woven into a rope . We have a fierce love for her and would fight to the ends of the earth for her life . Her big blue trusting eyes stare deeply into ours and she knows she belongs . She knows she can trust us to comfort her through the pain . She is not alone . She is a beloved daughter , sister , grandaughter , niece , and cousin . She has a place in this world . She is making her mark . She is wanted and she is worthy of everything wonderful in this life . Let your light shine , Mila . . . . I know you 're ready and we 're all here anxiously waiting to watch you blossom ! Mila will be having surgery this afternoon to drain all the fluid around her heart . It continues to build despite the meds and it isn 't safe to wait any longer to see if it will drain on it 's own . I 'm at a loss for any words to describe our emotions at this point . I just wish Mila could catch a break . Thanks for your love and prayers . Posted by Mila had another echo at 7 this morning and the news is not what we were hoping . The effusion looks worse . . . she has more fluid around her heart now than she did last night despite the meds . She just got another dose and the doctors will be rounding soon . She is pretty uncomfortable . They may decide to take her into surgery and drain it today since the meds aren 't working : ( As much as we don 't want this , at this point Mila is so uncomfortable that we just want them to fix it and make it all better . Everyone here seems pretty surprised Mila has this pericarditis . They are calling it Dressler 's syndrome because the onset was not right after her surgery . When we left here she looked perfect . Maybe that is why when I called cardiology three times to tell them my concerns they dismissed them saying she looked too good when we left to have anything wrong cardiac wise : ( I tell ya . . . . my friend Shelly says to her kid 's doctors , " you might have M . D . after your name but I have M . O . M . after mine . " I am a pretty patient and non confrontational person for the most part but the doctor last night ( who might have even been younger than Doogie Howser ) kept telling me how good Mila looked and how he was sure it wasn 't cardiac related and he 'd have to ask the supervising doctor if they even wanted to check hear heart out or not and it 's probably just a virus . Thanks to the supervising doctor who clearly saw Mila was having breathing issues and listened to me that something was wrong . She ordered the chest xray , EKG and echo . Doogie apologized by the way but I 'm still annoyed by him . This is my baby 's life . We didn 't drive 2 hours ( after already having been in the car for 3 hours that day ) because we thought our baby just had a virus . UGH ! Okay I think I 'm done with that rant . I 'm trying to stay positive but everyone has a breaking point I guess . Trying to rest in God 's promise . He is so good . Yesterday on my way home from the ped appointment when I knew we were headed back to the hospital I just lost it . Big tears . Feeling so overwPosted by Mila has been admitted to the cardiac unit . She has a ton of fluid build up around her heart . . . i already forgot the name of the condition . . . . it sometimes occurs after open heart surgery amd its caused by inflamation of her heart sac . This can make kids feel really crummy like a bad flu bug . She has a partially collapsed lung due to the fluid which explains the breathing issues . The urine culture was clear meaning the meds she is on are working ! We are still waiting on blood work to rule out other infections anf make sure the ecoli hasnt travelled to other parts of her body . They will increase her lasix and start her on toritol in hopes of decreasing the inflamation and draining the fluid . Please pray she will be responsive to the meds . They will do a repeat echo in the morning and if the fluid isn 't decreasing they will have to do a surgical procedure to manually drain it and we want to avoid that at all costs . Thank you for your continued prayers . Oh how we love this little girl . She is such a fighter and after all the crying tonite she gave me a half smile . I can 't wait to see her feeling better . . . . . any day now ! ! ! ! ! ! Mila is doing worse again . She had a bad evening and night , and we just knew once again something wasn 't right . We went to our down syndrome clinic appointment today and the doctor suggested having her admitted to the hospital tomorrow after her echo cardiogram if she continues to do worse and does not start eating . She is not eating more than 1 ounce every 4 hours or so . She 's sleeping a lot . He was concerned she might be having cardiac issues because her liver was palpable and down . This is certainly what we were fearing but really hoping not to hear . He thought we 'd wait and see through tonight and hope one more dose of antibiotics will help the UTI and then tomorrow we 'd get her all checked out cardio - wise as planned . So on the way home we came up with a plan of action for tomorrow . Then we went for a follow up with her ped about her UTI , etc . She has a multi - drug resistant ecoli urinary tract infection that is only found in hospitals . She said she has never seen it in this area before . Way to be unique Mila . The drug she is on should be working , but she continues to have a fever and seem to be in a lot of pain . They cannot give her an antibiotic injection because anything that comes as an injectible does not work on this strain . There are some IV forms that they may be able to use . The ped this afternoon was more concerned with her rapid breathing , which had started since coming home from the DS clinic just an hour before , paired with her liver not quite feeling right . . . she said those are not good signs in cardiac kids and we should probably just drive to Pittsburgh tonight and have her admitted : ( We are hoping and praying big time her heart is okay . I just don 't think we can go there again ! Please Please Please pray for us ! We are frustrated for Mila and worried sick . Hoping she will find relief soon . It 's just not fair for her ! Trying to hold back the tears : ( We are packing to head out for our 2 hour drive and waiting on a call from the doctor to see if we need to go through the ER or if we will just be admitted . Mila seems to have taken a turn for the worse again yesterday evening and last night . Hoping for some answers today . Please pray for our jelly bean ! This is one heck of a path we 've been walking and our legs are growing tired ! We 're hoping Mila is on the road to recovery ! ! The evening after her first antibiotic dose she slept 7 hours straight , then woke up around 3 to party with Daddy for a bit . Last night she didn 't sleep so well though . . . . fooey ! She 's still crying a little in her sleep and waking up a bit . But we 've started seeing signs of that happy girl . . . you know the one we met for A DAY after returning home ? Shawn and I were talking and realized we 've really only seen Mila healthy and painfree ONE DAY of the entire time we 've known her ( and we don 't even think she was completely painfree either ) ! ! ! We can 't wait to see her feeling 100 % . . . Thanks for all your sweet and encouraging comments ! They mean the world to us ! Please keep praying . . . specifically that Mila would start eating better again ( not sure if the UTI is still causing her decrease in appetite or if the antibiotic is giving her a belly ache ) , and prayers that she would get the rest she needs ! This week we have Down Syndrome Clinic appointments for both girls on Monday and then cardiology follow up in Pittsburgh on Tuesday , Early Intervention Evaluation on Wednesday , and a kidney ultrasound on Thursday . . . . are you as tired as me just reading that ? Here 's a taste of what we 're in for . . . . girl is feeling a little better ! ( She is so happy and smiley like this when she wakes up from a nap and is well rested . . . . the rest of the day . . . . mehhhh . . . . well maybe not this happy , or even a little happy . . . . but hoping she 's on the mend ! Posted by So Mila hasn 't been herself since the first couple days home from the hospital . She was like a new baby for a few days but was sleeping terribly from night 2 and just fussy and upset a lot . It has been a LONG two weeks my friends . If you saw me you might run for your life . . . . 1 . because I look awful and 2 . because I 'm an emotional basket case without sleep ! Anyways , I took her to the doctor on Monday because she just didn 't seem right but they didn 't find anything . They decided to add another medication for reflux ( she was already on one ) since her reflux has been so terrible since surgery . Nobody could tell me why it has gotten so much worse since surgery , just that " it sometimes happens . " Yesterday she came down with a 101 fever and last night she cried the entire night . . . . asleep or awake it didn 't matter . I took her back to the doctor today and asked if they could do a UTI test ( I had asked on Monday if it was a possibility but the PA said no because she had no fever . . . we had been medicating her with tylenol for her surgery pain so that was hiding the fever but it didn 't occur to us . . . oh and I had also asked in the cardiac step down unit if there was a possibility of her having a UTI because her urine smelled so bad . . . but I was told it was from the antibiotics ) . So while waiting for the doctor I was changing Mila 's diaper and she started arching her back and screaming like she 's been doing a lot ( we assumed acid reflux or gas all along ) but at the time of this happening I happened to notice she was peeing since I was changing her diaper . I knew it was a UTI . Once the doctor came in she agreed with some of her symptoms that she should be tested and sure enough she has a rockin ' UTI . . . a pretty nasty one : ( She will need a kidney ultrasound to see if her kidneys are infected as well since it is so bad . She is on a pretty high dose of medication to try and get rid of this infection . The doctor said it 's likely she has had it since leaving the hospital from the catheter ( I guess she is assuming based on how bad of aPosted by Each one of us has had to find our new normal as well as finding our new normal as a family of four now ! The hardest part has been the lack of sleep ! The whole open heart surgery thing really screwed up Mila 's sleep ! Part of it I 'm sure is / was just waking up scared , and the other part I 'm pretty sure is that she got used to being picked up every single time she even whimpered while in the hospital and when first home because we were afraid she was scared or in pain and we wanted to comfort her . While in the process she forgot how to get herself back to sleep without us and was waking every single hour . We 'd rock her , put her down , only for her to wake up right away . When we finally got her down she 'd wake up another hour later . So we 've been working on teaching her how to get herself back to sleep little by little by little , while at the same time trying to give her the comfort she needs . We 're making progress ! She only woke up once last night where she needed help getting back to sleep . She woke up a couple other times and whimpered / cried for a minute or two and got herself back to sleep . The best part is that she was soooo happy this morning because she was finally well rested ! We 're hoping the progress continues . If there is one thing I NEED in life , it is sleep ! I 'm a typical 8 - 9 hour a night sleeper and we got way spoiled with Zoya who sleeps 12 hours overnight and has pretty much since week 2 home ! I could probably function on 5 - 6 hours , but certainly not on 3 hours added up by 20 minutes here and there . Let 's just say you might have found me crying in my cold car in the garage at 2am one morning . Shawn has been so fabulous and has been strong when I couldn 't be . He has taken a big hit on his sleep , all while working full time and I soooo appreciate it ! We 're working together trying to muck through this transitional time and trying to find some sort of a schedule - ish type day that works for Mila ( and us ) . When you consider all Mila has been through in the last 3 months , she is doing great . I mean the poor gThey let us put a portable monitor on Mila and take her around the hospital . It was so nice to do something as a family of 4 , even if it was eating dinner in the cafeteria together ! ( Mobile was a Christmas present ) Needing some PT to work on her pill bug ( potato bug ) pose . . . she curves to the right . My PT friends if you have suggestions until PT starts ( soon ) that 'd be great ! Yes her spine was xrayed and they said it looks okay , slight curve but they think it 's all positional and related to her poor sleeping pose due to the airway issues . My Mila - bean Hi I 'm Sarah . My husband Shawn and I adopted our beautiful daughter , Zoya from Ukraine in April 2010 . In November 2011 , we brought home our second daughter , Mila . And most recently , in 2012 , we brought home our third daughter , Sofia Joy ! We are blessed to be parents to these beautiful girls and love sharing our journey with others . I 'm a former special and elementary education teacher turned stay at home mom . View my complete profile Deanna and I have been slacking a little on getting this final post up . . . . sorry ! We are busy mamas trying our best to balance our time : ) So . . . The GREAT BIG NUTRITION POST Part 4 ! Recipes ! Here is the post many of you have been waiting for ! Drink recipes to replace pediasure ! Deanna starts us off here with some great informa . . . Metcha Day ! I cannot even begin to gather words to reflect upon our morning . Today we met our third daughter . She is absolutely perfect , precious , beaut . . . Our sweet daughter is so full of JOY ! It is unreal ! The difference we 've seen already after only 3 visits is astonishing ! I just love he . . . Gotcha Day Details ! Today surely did not disappoint ! It was , without doubt , the most amazing Christmas I 've celebrated in my 30 years ! It is amazing that we . . .
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I hope that everyone is having a great holiday season : ) . Joe and I are doing great - - hanging out in warm , sunny San Diego . We adopted Benson last weekend and we 've been busy trying to train him . Overall he seems like a great dog . . . I 'll keep you posted . : ) Posted by That 's right . Believe it or not , I fell . Impossible you think ? Well , almost . The man I fell in love with is not so much a man but rather a small 4 - legged dog . He 's tan and brown and TIIIIIINY . I love him . I want to take him home . Last night , I babysat for a very cute but hyper child of 8 years old . She thought that she was a horse . She neighed , she pranced , she dance around the house while teaching me all sorts of horse facts . For instance , did you know that spotted horses were called paint horses ? You didn 't ? ! Well , damn glad I babysat then . Overall , the experience was endearing . Babysitting has gotten much easier from how I remember it . These days , just watch a cartoon DVD with the kid and play the interactive DVD - Rom games until bedtime . What was that ? You ask about the cartoon of choice last night ? Why , it was Spirit : Stallion of the Cimmaron , of course . Complete with soundtrack by Bryan Adams . Posted by " Will you move so we can park please ? " Joe asked the man standing in the only parking space left at the donut store . " YOU ' RE NOT GOING TO PARK HERE UNLESS YOU WANT TO WAIT FIVE MINUTES ! " exclaimed the man . We both gave him nasty stares as we started to drive away from the spot . When we looked back , we saw a young woman walk by that same man on her way into the donut store . She sneered at him , " asshole . " I love the holidays . I kept the band - aid on my hand for three days . I think that it helped my scarring a little bit . My hand is slowly on its way to FULL - RECOVERY ! hooray ! ! It 's healing just in time for Thanksgiving : ) . Happy Turkey Day everyone ! ! I went to Rite - Aid yesterday to buy a bandage that could patch my grated hand . I found these - - band - aid advanced healing finger - care bandages . They go on clear and form a " white cushion " over your inury to protect it . Supposedly it promotes fast , " natural " healing . . . I just bought them because they looked fun and looked like they would stick to my hand . I had regular dinky bandages on my hand the night before and those fell off while I was asleep . I didn 't want to go to work , hand somebody their lunch plate and have my nasty bandage fall in . Eeew . Anyways , I approve of these bandages . They 're a little pricey but worth it . It made my cut disappear . Okay , not really disappear but people didn 't even notice the bandage . It was very incognito . I 'm supposed to keep this bad - boy on my hand for a few days for " optimal healing . " But unfortunatly , the bandage started to peel off last night while at Dave and Busters playing , " The Tower of Power . " Hey , at least it stayed on while I was work . : ) Posted by In an attempt to grate cheese , I grated my right hand - - right on the joint of my thumb . It actually looks like I intentionally tried to grate my hand . You can see little parallel grate marks . . . Joe and I just came back from San Francisco where his company celebrated the launch of his new game - - Everquest II . The party was held at RubySkye . Rumor had it that celebrities had been invited . I think that I saw the actress , Bai Ling . . . it 's either that or I saw a drag queen dressed as her . There were also circulating rumors that Urkel ( a . k . a . Jaleel White , from Family Matters ) was there but there were no confirmed sightings . Posted by " I definitely recognize a lot of faces today , " commented the CSET proctor as I was turning in my exam . " You look new , though . Do you think you passed or will I be seeing you again in January ? " This Halloween was the scariest Halloween I have ever had . Ever . I just got back home and still a little freaked out by it all . It started off as just your typical day but by night fall , it just got weird . Crazy weird . Okay , so I may be exaggerating just a tad bit but still . . . I guess you can be the judge . My brother was in town this weekend on his way to Thailand ( took a weekend layover in LA ) so I drove up to LA yesterday , hung out with him and our family friend , Chai . That night , we drove back to San Diego , had dinner with Joe ( who has been working until midnight this entire week ) , came back home watched TV and fell asleep . Normal , right ? Today was normal too . Drove my brother , Chai , and his girlfriend Paula around San Diego , had dimsum , went shopping . So we come home later and Chai suggests gambling . Whatever , I am not a big gambler at all but he had driven all the way down from LA and if he wanted to gamble , we will gamble ( or well , I will watch them gamble ) . So we mapquest directions to a casino called Harrah 's . It 's about 25 miles NE of where I live . Mapquest said that it would take us 45 minutes but realistically , when you drive 25 miles it only takes you 20 minutes . We just thought that Mapquest was calculating the drive for slow people . Anyways , it 's about nightfall by this point , we had left the house and had already driven over 45 minutes . We still weren 't there yet . It was the farthest away from civilization that I have ever gone since I moved to San Diego . There were no street lights , tiny TINY tiny street signs and STEEP ass edges of mountain that I had to drive up . There were moments when I stopped breathing while I was driving up the mountain because I really thought that I was going to die . I had images of me , my brother , Chai , Paula , and my little car falling off the cliff , plummeting to our fatal end . And the thing was , the farther up we drove , the more we realized how screwed over the American Indians are . Shit . I can barely drive up the mountain and these Indians had to walk up the mountain Posted by In order to start student teaching in February , I need to pass the CSET next Saturday . The CSET is a standardized exam given to newby teachers to test if they know their shit . It 's given in three parts and you can choose to take one , two , or three parts of the exam in one day . When I was registering , I chose to take three . I mean , how hard could it be ? Because I did my research on the CSET after I registered for the exam , I learned that you need to be smart as hell to pass all three parts in the same day . I also learned that the few people that had passed all three parts in the same day had studied MONTHS beforehand . I just started studying on Monday . Obviously , my " I - can - pass - and - not - even - study " attitude towards the test has flown out the window . I am screwed ! Screwed ! ! ! SCREWED ! ! ! ! Hopefully two weeks of studying will be sufficient . T - minus a week and a half until the CSET . Wish me luck . When [ Sergeant Martin ] was a private and stationed at Fort Riley , Kansas , he got drunk in some bars one night during the winter . He was so sauced up that he couldn 't go home , so he broke into some old couple 's house to escape the cold and snow at about 3 in the morning . He felt so bad about this , he went upstairs to the old couple 's bedroom and said , " Don 't mind me pops … sorry about breaking in … I 'm gonna rack out on your couch ! " needless to say the gentleman called the police and when the cops showed up , they found SGT Martin making a sandwich in the kitchen ! He replied , " what 's up dudes … 's ok … I told the old guy I was crashing here tonight ! " Posted by When did people start mistaking my brother and I for a couple ? I don 't know if it was just because we were in Tennessee or what , but many people complimented us by saying that we were a great - looking couple . Ick . Posted by Just in case you can 't read the caption - - " Male sheephead are territorial ; each protects a harem of females . When a male dies , the dominant female in the harem changes into a male . . . " You would think that the Aquarium would have a shock - alert next to these types of captions or at least a clause somewhere saying that some captions may cause possible heart - attack . Imagine that ? ! One day , you 're shopping with your little female Sheephead buddies for a new handbag ; the next day , you 're making sure that your same buddies ( now known as bitches ) don 't slut around to any other female changing males . Hmm . . . " You like burnt fries ! You always eat them first , " exclaimed Joe when I gave him a dejected look after he threw his burnt fries onto my plate . After I stopped laughing , I explained to him that I ate the burnt fries first because I liked them least . Gotta save the best for last . I found a little 411 on Sea Monkeys . . . For those of you interested in purchasing them as pets , here are a few discouraging sentiments . Mind you , this is directly quoted from a Sea Monkey owner off of Amazon . com : " 1 . SPILLS - I spilled water out of the two holes in the top by accident . BE AWARE . Walk slowly when they 're in your hands . 2 . FIGHTS - Sea Monkeys can sometimes fight over who gets the girl . Sometimes they fight over the death ! ! I haven 't seen this happen yet , but I don 't like the sound of it . I think they start to fight about . . . 4 weeks after they are born . 3 . SEA DIAMONDS - Ah ! I hate these Sea Diamonds . A few days ago I put some Sea Diamonds in the aquarium , thinking they would get excersise and have some fun . But I was wrong ! First of all , the diamonds are huge . I think I crushed some Sea Monkeys when I added the diamonds in . Second of all , the Sea Monkeys are not interested in them at all . . . 4 . AERATE - Some websites told me to mix more air in the aquarium . They told me to blow INTO A STRAW to give oxygen to them . I think I sucked some SM algae stuff down my throat . . . " Just like recent hurricanes , I will NOT be hitting Tampa as I had otherwise predicted last month . I will be flying in and out of Tennessee for the weekend for my cousin 's wedding ( instead of making the road trip from Atlanta to Tampa ) due a number of unforeseen circumstances . Sorry if this disappoints anyone . : ( On a whim four months ago , I donated blood . They pricked my finger and checked my iron level . I measured at 12 . 5 ( the bare minimum level necessary ) . I also hadn 't traveled to any foreign countries that they had designated as unsafe in the past 3 years . They deemed me worthy of blood donation . For the past two months , I have been trying to donate again but my iron levels have only measured 12 . 2 or 12 . 3 . Not high enough to donate ! ! So I get rejected and am instructed to eat more vitamins and / or beans . I start to take my multivitamins and still get rejected a week later . Apparently , some people are unable to absorb calcium AND iron if taken at the same time . Ah . . . the catch . So I start to take iron supplements and still , one week later . . . rejected . The nurse told me that it could take up to month for the iron to fully absorb in my system . Okay , fine . So today , with my little bloodmobile appointment in hand , blood donation has not only turned into a good samaritan deed but my life 's mission . I go in , tell the nurse my iron level situation before I fill out any paperwork . She has me enter a little room where she pricks my finger . She puts the blood on a slide and the blood is read using a small machine . There is about a minute pause where I am just waiting , waiting , waiting to see if this whole month - iron - absorption thing was legit or if the last nurse just wanted me to feel better about my inadequate and measly iron levels . The machine beeped , indicating that the score is read - - - 13 . 5 ! ! ! Holy crap ! Mission accomplished . Carpe no diem When Ingrid Croce offered me a job at her restaurant , I couldn 't turn her down . We all know how that ended . I worked for a weekend and quit . Balancing two jobs and school was pushing the envelope for me . A few months later , I was offered a job at A / X . After the Croce 's incident , I happily declined knowing that I wouldn 't save any money because I would spend it all on my discounted Armani Exchange clothes . Yesterday , I was officially offered job number 3 - - ophthalmologist technician . I love that I am getting all of these jobs offers but I find that I am probably the least qualified for this last job position . Restaraunt - - yes , fashion and clothes - - yes , yes , but eye sight ? ha ha ha . They must want to blind their patients . For the past three years , I have been waiting too see Death Cab for Cutie in concert . Last night was the time that I had been waiting for . A radio station out here hosted a 5 band concert for a mere 25 bucks a person . It started with some local band , DCC , Muse , Franz Ferdinand , and the Yeah , Yeah , Yeah 's . I bought the ticket just to see DCC but liked the music of Muse and that one song of FF . DCC was great live - - they were having some bass problems but it was fixed by the 3rd or 4th song . I thought that they did a kick - ass job . Well , except for that one part where the bassist jumped off the drummer 's platform and fell on his butt . I must admit , though - - Muse stole the show . I wasn 't expecting such a great performance from them but boy , they sounded better live than they do on their CDs . The lead singer kinda looked like a quirky , black headed version of Clay Aikon ( is that how I spell his name ? ) . The guy was pint - sized . FF was ok . Most of their music was much more mellow than I had anticipated . I was ready for a nap by the time they were done with their set . . . But then the 3Y 's came on - - my naptime quickly ended . The lead singer was dressed from head to toe in a tight shiny silver shirt / skirt duo with little red ruffles around her neck and waist . Her feet were adorned with green converse high tops . She didn 't sing at all - - she just screamed all of her songs . I would compare her scream to a loud , banchee like scream . It was ear piercing and mind numbingly bad . I really thought that they were just joking around at first but . . . to my dismay , their " act " was really who they were . Have you ever had the feeling that you had to do something but didn 't know what it was until it was too late ? I had that feeling today . That 's right , last month I told someone that I would go in and work for him today and completely FORGOT about it . Luckily , my butt was saved by another waiter . He kicks ass . Seriously . One day , she waiting for a friend in a hotel lobby in Southern Thailand . Her friend was running late so this lady decided to take a seat on one of the lobby room couches . Then , out of no where , she felt a hand come from behind her . This hand cupped her right breast . She was very shocked and incredibly mortified . She couldn 't believe that someone would disrepect her like that at a very reputable hotel . Immediately , she turned around to scold the accuser when she realized that the " hand " wasn 't a hand at all but rather the trunk of a baby elephant . The King 's procession was walking by and a little elephant thought that he could be fresh with her . Posted by After a long two days of running around trying to get Kevin 's car to pass the California DMV smog test , I can officially say that I never want to get my car registered in the state of California . It 's a big , big , big , big , big pain the arse especially when your car won 't pass . In case you 're curious , Kevin is handling the smog complication very well . If this had been my car , I would have driven it into a lake . Just like recent hurricanes , I , too , will be in and around Florida . My dates of arrival and departure are actually scheduled though . I will be flying the dreaded America West Airlines because it 's the cheapest flight I could find online right now ( I had a bad incident with them when I went to Las Vegas two years ago ) . My plan was initially to fly in and out of Tennessee but it appears that I will be making a road trip to Tennessee from Atlanta with my brother and co . for my cousin 's wedding ( by the way , I can 't believe us " kids " are old enough to get married ) . Then we will be driving back down through Hot - lanta and onward to good ole Tampa Bay . We 're going to arrive in Tampa on Monday , October 18 . I leave for the west coast again on October 26 . That 's right kids , I will be there a WHOLE week . I know I was just home . But I am going home again . See you there : ) . Posted by Maybe it 's something in the air or just like - minded people trying to spend their free time productively . Needless to say , I wasn 't going to document my brand new hobby ( as of Saturday night ) - - crocheting , until I read Serena 's blog about how she 's learning how to knit . I am very impressed that she 's already knitted a hat for Isaac . I , on the otherhand , haven 't so much as even made a coaster . My motivation comes from my cartoon mentor , Homer Simpson . He is almost comparable to the Dalai Lama in profound statements . This one is my favorite right now - - " Trying is the first step towards failure . " Another day at the hair salon . . . or so I hoped . My hair color had been fading and the roots had been showing so I thought that today was a good day to have all of that stuff touched up . All is well until the new assistant from Brooklyn took me to the shampoo area to rinse out my hair dye . There 's small talk about how he 's newly imported from the east coast and how he currently lives in an apartment in downtown San Diego with a friend . Then , the series of unfortunate events occur . I felt water . No , not the water on my head , but I felt water dribbling down the back of my shirt . Immediately after , I heard a loud splash . The water basin had clogged up due to an overlooked piece of cotton that the assistant hadn 't removed from my scalp before shampooing . I franticly stood up because I was so startled and realize that water and remnants of hair dye were now dribbling down my entire back side . The assistant , being new on the job , became overly apologetic and began to dry off the floor first . I , on the otherhand , was dripping wet and a little confused with I should do next . Run to the bathroom and ruin the salon with my hair dye dripping everywhere ? Or , just stand very still and hope that someone would hand me a towel ? By this point , practically everybody at the salon rushed over to help me and the assistant when it dawned on me - - I realized that the white tank top that I had worn was now ruined because of the hair dye . But I thought , hey - - no harm , no foul . I didn 't really care that the hair dye had ruined my clothes or that my undergarments were soaking wet . I just felt bad for the new assistant 's psyche . After the floor was mopped and my clothes were put in the dryer ( don 't worry , I was wearing a robe ) , the assistant ( still shell - shocked ) proceeded with my shampoo session . He had already conditioned my hair when he muttered , " Oh , I don 't think that I shampooed your hair yet . " So he had to backstep to shampoo first , and then condition - - that 's right , Haircare 101 . To top it all off , the entire time the assistant never got the water pressure quite right . The pressure was so strong that I kept wiping off the little splashes of water hitting my face and my eyes . I didn 't have the heart to say anything to him because he was already so frazzled and fidgety from the the flood that had caused prophets like Noah to build an arc . What matters to me is that he gave it his all and tried his best ( and trust me , he was trying ) . In time little assistant , you will be the best shampooer ever . For those of you who know me very well , you know that I can get easily freaked out and very jumpy , especially when I am completely engrossed in a project . If I am working on something and you come into the room , I will scream - - not because you invaded my privacy but because I thought that you were going to kill me . It 's survival mode . . . Darwinism at it 's best . Joe , Florence , and I have been trying to improve our golf skills by practicing at the driving range every week . At first , I was doing really well . I could actually hit the balls and they would fly straight - - be it , not very far , but straight . The more and more I go , the worse and worse I get . The stupid little golf balls now fly through the air at a very sharp angle , likely to hit anyone or anything that comes across it 's path . It 's unpredictable . . . in a predictable kind of way . Today , for example , Joe and I went to a new driving range north of where we live for a change in atmosphere . Each person 's personal space on the range was divided with waist - high green metal waffle dividers . Directly behind us was the parking lot . I bet you can see where this is going . The first few balls I hit were decent . The more I hit , however , the more the balls kept hitting the metal waffle dividers and ricocheting into the green . Luckily ( ? ) I wasn 't hitting them hard enough to do any damage . I did have images in my head of me actually nailing a ball into the dividers where it would bounce off and hit me in the face ( maybe that 's why I wasn 't hitting them that hard , it was all subconscious ) . Anyways , maybe about 15 minutes into my game , I hit a ball so hard ( and at such a sharp angle ) , it hit the metal divider , bounced across the driving range fence into the parking lot where it hit . . . ( brace yourself ) a pretty black , expensive Lexus . No damage was done ( it hit the wheel ) but I decided that I shouldn 't push my luck anymore . See , my golfing was unpredictable in a predictable kind of way . It was only a matter of time before something serious happened . I never used facial cleansers or moisturizers . I never washed my face before bedtime or even splashed it with water to make it sure it was hydrated . My thought was always - - hey , if it ain 't broke ( read : no pimples / acne ) , don 't fix it . But man , times are changing . Because of my part - time job as a server , my hands are always getting dirty from handling plates and glasses . And , because I have short hair , my hands are always touching my face to push back the hair that is always falling into my eyes . So * poof * , I have pimples . Today I decided to invest in skin care products . The only problem is , in order for my skin to get better , it has to get worse . That 's right . For a few weeks , I have to tough it out with SUPER RED , SHINY pimples ( even bigger than the ones that I have right now ! ) growing in every which crevice of my face while my skin goes through a " detox " phase . I am no longer Vim . For the next few weeks , you can call me pizza face . Don 't fret . My family is safe . They were evacuated from their house yesterday but were able to return home this afternoon . Silly east coast meteorologists never seem to get weather forecasts right . Back in the day when I had a full - time job in DC , I used to attend monthly meetings called , " Toastmasters . " For those of you unfamiliar , it 's simply a club where people come together and improve their public speaking skills by practicing in front of one another . Your prepared or impromptu speech had to be a certain length of time with as little mistakes as possible - - there was always a " grammarian " to count every single grammatical mistake and filler word . After a year of attending these meetings , you would think that I would be flawless in public speaking . Wrong . This morning I was forced to leave a message on an elementary school 's answering machine . My message went something along the lines of this - - " Ummmmmmmm . My name is Vim and I am a student uhh working towards my teaching credential . Uh . I need to sit in on two classes for uhh an assignment and uhhhh , I was wondering if I could uhhh schedule a time so I could come in . Uhh . Thanks . " With every " um " and " uh " , the little grammarian that has been embedded in my head as a result of Toastmasters laughs and adds another tally on his imaginary chalk board . It taunts me and makes me even more nervous to speak in front of people . Did Toastmasters help me become aware of all of my flaws in public speaking or did it just make me more paranoid ? Posted by Today , my teacher lectured in such a way that he subtly gave out his resume . I hate it when people do this . It 's like they 're trying to prove their greatness to us . All I have to say is - - I never doubted you , dude . Let 's skip the pride parade and finish class so I can go home and watch Iron Chef .
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I am so excited ! Let me start off by saying how disappointed I was to find out that the Aggie game is on the versus channel today . We have dish , but versus is an added feature that we don 't get . I asked Stephen to stop working on the shed so he could try to get the game on the internet . He managed to get audio but I just wasn 't happy with that . I turned on the TV to the versus channel because I 'm hard headed like that . Then I decided to go through all the sports channels for updates and found that versus was being featured on the sports mix channel . So there were my Aggies in that tiny box and I could hear them on the internet . Then I realized the internet had a major audio delay . My hard headedness kicked in again and I kept hitting buttons on the sports mix channel . I selected the little box with versus and when I realized I had turned the audio down to listen to the game on the internet , I thought what the heck ? I turned the audio up and voila ! The Aggie game ! Whoda thunk it ? Woo hoo ! I am one happy mama ! BTHOA ! Surely you 've heard the saying that everything is bigger in Texas . Well I am here to tell you it 's true . For example , Houston , Texas has one of the highest obesity rates . See , bigger ! Our chicken fried steak ? Hangs off the plates . Our football stadiums ? The biggest ! Cowboy hats ? They don 't call ' em 10 gallon for nothin ' ! Hurricane Ike ? As big as Texas . See ? Last night I had an encounter with the biggest mosquito in Aggieland . He made himself known at the dinner table . I managed to chase him away into the living room so I could give myself time to come up with a strategy for his demise . After cleaning up from dinner , I was ready to take him down . He found the perfect place to attack . . . from the ceiling . I knew I could outsmart him . I moved Abby who was sitting in her bouncy chair . I grabbed my magazine , stepped up on the couch , and launched it at him . It worked too . There was a little spot on the ceiling to let me know my mission had been accomplished . I looked for his remains on the magazine . . . not there . I searched the carpet . . . not there either . I could not figure out where he might have gone . I took the kids upstairs for jammies and decided to return later with the vacuum cleaner . Stephen came home from work and I told him about our eventful night . I told him about the monstrous mosquito and how it was bigger than the size of a nickel . He went back downstairs and searched the carpet . Upon his return he told me he saw a mosquito that fit my description on the ceiling of the playroom . IT WAS THE SAME ONE ! He survived the attack ! Stephen got his ammo ( the Swiffer ) . Ready , aim , fire ! And this time , the mission was accomplised . Look at the size of the booger ! Posted by Lauren ' 26 , Lexi ' 25 , Ashton ' 27Aren 't they precious ? Last Saturday we went to Wings ' n More to meet up with our Aggie friends who now live in Florida . They were in town for the Miami game . They were sweet , quiet little girls at first but once we got some food into them , it was a different story . Lauren adored Lexi and Ashton . When we said our goodbyes and went back to the van , Lauren fluttered her eyelids to hold back the tears and she said she would miss them so much . She asked when she would see them again ( hint hint Heather ) . Hopefully we can get together again the next time they are in town for a game . Who knows , maybe these girls will grow up together and be roommates when they enroll in the BEST COLLEGE in the world in another 13 years . Butterscotch Pie from Paula Deen 's magazine . Doesn 't it look fabulous ? Wish you had smell - o - internet ? It can 't be an Aggieland Mommy picture without my cool Aggie plate compliments of my friend Elizabeth . We were both moving at the same time and when I went to her house to pick up boxes , she gave me this fabulous set of dishes , she knew how much I bleed maroon . Thanks so much Elizabeth ! I stumbled upon this recipe in Paula 's latest issue and actually had all the ingredients at home so I baked it the other day . I 'll be posting the recipe on my recipe blog later ( it 's at home ) . As you know , Ike affected millions of Texans and Louisiana residents . I listen to KSBJ out of Houston when I am in my car and while I am at work . Between songs there are people calling in to tell listeners where to get ice , food , water , gas , generators , etc . . . Here at work we have a folder in our email where we can sell / buy from others , like an online flea market . People are requesting generators for loved ones . We can not begin to imagine what those victims are going through . They are now on day 5 without power . I know that Aggieland still struggles to keep gas at our gas stations . I pass 5 on the way home from work and each day there are always one or two that have pumps covered because they are empty . And at the stations with gas , cars are lined up with 5 - 10 gas cans lined up to be filled so I know many victims are driving up here just to restock . It is going to be weeks , maybe even months before their lives are back to normal . Go to this site for new , amazing pictures of the devastation . Last night Stephen started his new job . That means I had to take all the kids to Lauren 's dance class on my own . Many of you might be saying , " Big deal " but taking care of Caleb and Abby for 45 minutes in a confined area IS a BIG DEAL ! The studio has 3 or 4 classrooms all off of 2 tiny main halls and there are about 20 pre - teens running through the " halls " at the same time as the parents are trying to get through the building and back to the tots ' dance class . There is little space for moving around as the parents are trying to see their little ones through the window . So one person is needed to keep an eye on Caleb and keep him entertained and another one is often needed to entertain Abby who spends most of her time in her carseat . And just about the time she is tired of being in her carseat , the teacher comes out and tells the parents it 's time to switch the girls into their tap shoes . This really is what happened last night . So with Abby in my arms , I corralled Caleb into the classroom where he plopped down next to Lauren and took his shoes off like the girls . I sat Abby down in my lap and managed to wrestle Lauren 's tap shoes onto her little feet . Then I had to convince Caleb that he could NOT stay and dance with all the adorable little girls no matter how far out he stuck his bottom lip . When we went back out into the waiting " area " ( more like a closet ) , Caleb insisted on trying to open the door . I felt the glares shooting through the back of my head , I know some of the other mommies were wondering why my little boy was not sitting perfectly in a chair and waiting like they were but they didn 't have even one other child to look after , much less a 9 month old AND a very busy , all - boy , 2 1 / 2 year old . At the end of class , Miss Jessica and her 2 teenaged helpers gathered all the little girls in a circle for prayer . Remember what happened the first week ? Remember how Lauren was lying on her tummy ? Not this time ! I suppose Jessica asked her helpers if they wanted to say the prayer but Lauren thought Jessica was asPosted by I don 't know when it happened but Stephen and I have become news junkies . We had the TV on Fox News , The Weather Channel , and a special Houston Channel available only for hurricane information all day Friday and late into the night . We wanted to see when Ike arrived , what he was doing to the coast , and we were also wondering how bad it might get here . Saturday morning at around 4 , Abby woke up as she usually does . I tried the usual to get her back to sleep but finally convinced myself that if I put off giving her a snack for too long , she 'd be up at 6 : 30 and then I wouldn 't get her back to sleep . By 4 , the storm had arrived in Aggieland . I could hear the wind and rain beating against our windows . Once in awhile there were louder tapping sounds like twigs or pebbles being thrown against the windows but overall it wasn 't too bad . I got Abby back to sleep within 15 minutes and finally managed to drift off to sleep myself . At about 5 I heard the strangest sound . There was a lot of clanking going on in the girls ' room . I knew it couldn 't be Abby , I couldn 't hear a peep out of her . So I jumped out of bed and as I rounded the corner , I noticed the girls ' light was on . As I walked in , I didn 't know how to react . Abby was sound asleep in her crib and Lauren , oh Lauren . She was fully dressed in her Tinkerbell costume and had in her hands her plastic tea set tray along with all 4 saucers , 4 teacups , creamer , and sugar , all neatly arranged on top . 5 : 00 am ! " I can 't sleep Mommy . " I did the only thing I knew to do , I told her that when I can 't sleep I talk to Jesus . So did I get my " to - do " list completed ? Here 's an update : keep emptying the ice bucket into bags and putting them in the deep freezer did it oncede - clutter our room - donevacuum and mop floors - done3 loads of laundry - how about 2 ? clean bathrooms - umm , no . Just the floors . get Stephen to hang the rest of the wall things ( there 's a lot ) . . . . . not a oneget Stephen to fasten the rest of the knobs on the cabinets . . . negativeget Stephen to hang a shelf in the utility room . . . he saiPosted by I wish I could say that I am going to spend my entire day lying around and playng with my kids but when you have kids , that isn 't possible . Even though we live 2 hours from Houston and 3 hours from Galveston , we too have to prepare for Ike . We are expecting wind gusts in excess of 70 mph . I teach in a portable building and this year I am sharing my room with Lily . I LOVE Lily . Her 2 oldest daughters have been our babysitters . . . they go to our church . Anyway , yesterday Lily was telling her students that if they live in a mobile home , they will need to go to a safer place and then one of her students asked , " What about this building ? Will it blow away ? " Hmm , we didn 't think about that , thanks Tony ! So what are we doing today ? It 's 8 : 30 . . . Stephen stopped by Wal - Mart on his way home from his last day at KBTX and bought water , juice , batteries ( Cs and Ds were all gone ) , bread ( $ 2 . 50 a loaf cuz they were out of their 58 cent bread ) , and a tiny flashlight cuz that 's all that was left . Right now he is outside mowing and then he 'll be taking the canopies off the swingset . I have a batch of muffins in the oven and they smell scrumptious . I HOPE tokeep emptying the ice bucket into bags and putting them in the deep freezerde - clutter our roomvacuum and mop floors3 loads of laundryclean bathroomsget Stephen to hang the rest of the wall things ( there 's a lot ) get Stephen to fasten the rest of the knobs on the cabinetsget Stephen to hang a shelf in the utility roomget Stephen to clean the air filter ventA girl can dream can 't she ? We 'll see how much I actually get done ! Wish me luck . As we all reflect on what we were doing at the time of the plane crashes on 9 / 11 , and how much that day changed our country , let us continue to pray for our nation , our leaders , our soldiers , all those who bravely serve our country for the freedoms we hold so dear . I will never forget that I was preparing to teach my 2nd graders in Arlington that day and a teammate came to my room to tell me that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center . I am so ashamed to say I did not know what the WTC was but it sounded pretty bad . I turned on my little 11 " black and white in my room and watched in horror as the 2nd plane crashed . None of us were prepared for the turn of events that would take place that day . So many lives lost . So many Americans pulling together to either take - over the 3rd airplane , rent cars and ride with strangers because the airports were shut down , pulling together for so many things but most importantly to love and pray . As we shall today and every 9 / 11 . Let us also remember the upcoming victims of Hurricane Ike . So many people are being uprooted . As I listed to Houston 's Christian radio station on my way to work , I hear single mothers calling in asking for prayers as they have to pack up their children and flee . College Station is a shelter , a refuge . I know that Texas A & M has sent buses to the coast to help evacuate . I know that Reed Arena is ready for the physically disabled . Doctors have been on hand from across the country for a few days . I just received an email from my church asking for help . They have been receiving evacuees from nursing homes . The last patient was physically lifted in at 6 am today . I know that Fr . Michael was up all night as I am sure were others . Our superintendent has notified us that he may need to use schools to house many others . He has asked for volunteers . So if you know that your town is helping with evacuees , call your local church and ask how you can help . Maybe you have children of your own who need you but you can help by dropping off cleansing supplies or perPosted by God always answers prayers . Sometimes He says yes . Sometimes He says no . Sometimes He says not right now , the time is not right yet . I have been praying since Lauren was born that God would help Stephen find the perfect job . I have also prayed that I could one day stay home with the kids . Stephen has applied for several media - type positions at A & M but he was never even called for an interview . I have heard that it 's all about who you know . A guy Stephen works with at the TV station also works at A & M and told him about an upcoming opening . Stephen applied , he got a call for an interview , he went to the interview today . . I prayed . This time His answer was YES ! Stephen was just hired as the Electronic Audio Visual Specialist for the Texas A & M Health Science Center ! They hired him on the spot . This is blessing us in so many ways . Right now he is working 3 am until 7 am . He has been getting less than 5 hours of sleep and then watching all 3 kids upon arriving home so I could go to work . His new hours will be 4 - 9 pm Monday through Thursday . He will be making more money and receiving benefits ( which he isn 't right now ) . He will have 2 student workers . So now that my husband is an employee of the A & M system and his blood already runs maroon , can I say he is an Aggie ? Forget what I said in my last post about motherhood being so rewarding . The kids have begun to conspire against us . Last night I was going back and forth putting clean clothes away and trusted that Stephen was keeping an eye on the kids in the playroom . When I walked out of our bedroom and into the playroom I noticed that Abby was gone . So as I noticed her little feet sliding into the bathroom , I tried to place guilt on Stephen . " Stephen , where is Abby ? " I believe he jumped up and muttered that she was there just a minute ago . I suppose it was a little cruel of me but hey , gotta keep him on his toes . Abby is getting pretty fast and he can 't trust that she 'll stay in one place anymore . Then I was in the girls ' room for quite some time , sorting through clothes that didn 't fit the girls anymore and feeling like I hit the jackpot with more hangers . When I went back through the playroom , Lauren was gone . Now , we had the baby gate at the top of the stairs locked so she only could have been in her room ( I was just there ) , Caleb 's room ( it was dark ) , the bathroom ( not in there either ) , the playroom , or MY ROOM ! That 's when I noticed the bathroom light on and Stephen was still in his chair at his desk in the playroom / office . And what do little girls like to do in their Mommy 's bathroom ? Put on Mommy 's make - up of course . She knew just where my brushes were and managed to put on eye - shadow AND blush , quite well I must admit . She had carried her stool in from her bathroom ( getting by Stephen ) and placed it just right so she could turn the light on . By the time I started the discipline , Caleb had joined us . Remember how proud I was that he has started talking ? ? I knelt down to Lauren 's level and sternly said , " Lauren . " She wrapped her arms around me and said , " I am SO sorry Mommy , I love you so much . " I had to stop laughing and I tried again , " Lauren , look at me . " Then Caleb started in . He pointed to my eye - no , he put his finger in my eye , and said so clearly , " Eye ! " " Yes Caleb , that 's my eye . Lauren ! You should not play with Posted by I know is sounds so cliche but it 's really true . Lauren started her ballet / tap combo class Tuesday night . We found a wonderful dance studio who dances for The Lord . At the end of class they pray with the little tots . They should pray before in my opinion , ya know what I mean ? So for a week before class Stephen and I were preparing Lauren , telling her she had to be a good listener and do what her teacher was doing . We explained that she should not be talking to her friends . Since I am a teacher , it is important to have a model student ya know . And she was . Was NOT ! That stinker was dancin ' to the beat of a different drummer . She got in there and started bouncing up and down like she did during the olympics . Then when Miss Jessica had all the girls sitting in a circle for prayer , my Lauren was lying on her tummy ! Oh the horror ! But I should say that there might have been one little girl who did exactly as the teacher said . I guess it 's their age . We 'll keep working on it . Below is a picture of the girls warming up . I guess Lauren was paying attention after all . Caleb is finally starting to talk . He is 2 1 / 2 and has chosen not to talk until now . He has been able to say " Abby " and " Baby " for awhile but he really has chosen not to speak . Lauren was talking at 14 months so we were really getting frustrated with this boy but look at that adorable face ! He mostly repeats what we say but the other day when I got home for lunch , he shouted out , " Mommy ! " It was just precious . His new favorite thing to do is say , " Ni - ni , " hang his head and pretend to snore . It 's cute no matter how old he is . Yesterday he asked for juice with his words and signing . He 'll be talking in no time and I 'll be wondering why I ever rushed him ! Look at my Abby . She is army crawling and boy she is fast . This picture is in our living room and around that corner on the tile is a bathroom . Yesterday Stephen went into the kitchen for a second and when he returned , Abby was gone . She had found the bathroom and was playing with the mat . Thank goodness I cleanePosted by I NEVER thought I would want a Facebook or Myspace account , I am too old ya know . That 's for the youngsters . But one day last year I found out my assistant principal knew an old friend of mine from the Fort Worth area and they met back up on Facebook so I decided to see the " friend " s listing and the rest is history . It started so slowly but now my use of Facebook is starting to take on a life of it 's own . I have been looking up everybody I have ever known in my entire life . Well , maybe not that many people but the other day I got the idea to look up some of my old students . I have been finding most of them too . I found my precious Chelsea from my first year of teaching . She was a doll . I am serious , her face always lit up with a smile and she had precious dimples that went along with her blond hair , blue eyes , and freckles . She was the model student . So I am now back in touch with Chelsea . Then I had to look at her list of friends to see if any of my other students were on her list and one was . Last night when I was at home I thought of a few more names . I looked up a few more teacher friends and looked at their friends to see if I was missing anyone . About 5 friends ' lists into my search , I realized that a girl I work with now . . . knows someone I worked with 6 years ago in Arlington . This is like a real life six degrees of separation thing . I mean . . . do your friends know friends you had a long time ago ? Is this like that Fabrege Organic commercial when we were kids . . . they 'll tell two friends and so on ? As I was cleaning out my files a minute ago I found some of my students ' papers with their first and last names ( can 't remember all 150 kids ' last names these days ) and I started plugging them into Facebook and there they are ! This is so amazing ! A & M is filled with traditions , many of which most outsiders do not understand . We have a saying , " From the outside looking in , you can 't understand it . From the inside looking out , you can 't explain it . " For more info on our wonderful traditions , go to http : / / aggietraditions . tamu . edu / " For I know the plans I have for you . . . " Jeremiah 29 : 11Jesus answered . Therefore I tell you , whatever you ask for in prayer , believe that you will receive it , and it will be yours . " Mark 11 : 22 , 24 I was born and raised in Fort Worth , Texas , Yee - Haw . I am a proud member of the Fightin ' Texas Aggie Class of ' 94 . I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and 4 beautiful children plus 4 angel babies . We are members of the local Catholic church . Besides being with my family , I love cooking , baking , decorating cakes , and saving money !
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Suddenly with the wind gusting to new heights he went down to one knee . In that moment he seemed so helpless as something completely out of his control had threatened to destroy his dream . It was a dream to walk across the Grand Canyon that Nik Wallenda first had as a teenager . It was an attempted feat that he had dedicated to his great grandfather . Great grandfather Karl Willenda was born in Germany in 1905 to an old circus family and began performing at the age of 6 . He answered an ad in the newspaper while in his teens for a hand balancer with courage . Through the years Karl would show the world just how courageous he was . His employer taught him the trade so well that in1922 , Karl put together his own act with the help of his brother Herman , Joseph Geiger , and Helen Kreis , a teenager who would eventually become his wife . The act proved very successful as it toured Europe doing amazing stunts ! In 1928 John Ringling saw them perform in Cuba and was so impressed that he hired them to be part of his Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus . The act had it 's start in Madison Square Garden . The safety net that they used had been lost in transit , so they performed without one . The crowd gave them a standing ovation for their death defying show . In Akron Ohio the group all fell off of the wire , but nobody got hurt . It seemed to the onlookers that the Willenda 's fell so gracefully that they were given a nickname that would stick " The Flying Willendas " . In the years to follow Karl developed some extraordinary acts such as the seven person chair pyramid in 1947 . Through the years they continued to entertain the world with their daring feats . In 1962 tragedy struck . While attempting the pyramid stunt at the Shrine Circus in Detroit , the front man on the wire lost his balance and the pyramid collapsed . Three men fell to the ground . Killed were Richard Faughnan , Wallenda 's son in law ; and his nephew Dieter schepp . Karl injured his pelvis , and his adopted son Mario was paralyzed from the waist down . Karl Wallenda In spite of these setbacks Karl went on . He continued performing with a smaller group , and doing acts alone . He repeated the pyramid act in 1963 and 1977 . In 1970 Wallenda crossed the Tallulah Gorge in Georgia on a high wire . On March 22 , 1978 Karl Wallenda fell to his death . He was attempting to walk between the towers of the Condado Plaza Hotel , 10 stories up . He was 73 . Karl has several branches of grandchildren still performing regularly today . They have achieved recognition in the Guiness Book of Records . Nik Wallenda completed the walk that Karl didn 't on June 4 , 2011 , with his mother , in honor of Karl . Last year Nik was the first aerialist to walk directly over Niagara Falls , from the United States to Canada . He crossed the river 's widest point wearing a safety harness as was required by ABC television . Last Sunday Nik Wallenda attempted to become the first aerialist to walk directly over the Little Colarado River Gorge . The event was broadcast live on the Discovery Channel . A 2 inch thick wire was suspended 1500 feet above the river . Nik would be attempting the walk without a harness or safety net . The distance was figured to be 1 , 400 feet between the cliffs . When I heard about the event that very day I had no intention of watching . I thought if someone was going to be stupid why should I get involved ? My wife was watching as I went into the computer room to get away . After a few minutes she called out " you really should come and see this . " Reluctantly I came in and the sight and sounds were surprising . They had hooked up a microphone to Nik and as he was walking step by little step he was in a deep conversation with his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ ! Each step of the way he was offering praise and worship . It was like listening in to someone 's deep personal communication with God and it was beautiful ! If you closed your eyes you would have never realized the danger he was in . He was also in contact with his earthly father who was talking to him through an earpiece encouraging him with every step and warning him of dangers ahead . Later I watched a replay of the show that led up to the event . They were showing all of the preparation that went into the engineering that made the walk possible . It involved drilling into rocks and running that cable through them . It involved getting the right weight and thickness for the chord . It involved stretching that chord over the 1 , 400 feet and making sure it was tight and secure . The process was facinating because it set the stage for the main event . Without everything perfectly set up there was no chance that Nik could get across . So there Nik was on one knee asking God to calm the wind . He stayed down for just a little while and suddenly he was back up . He tried to be patient waiting for the tenseness in the line to return . Carrying a balancing rod he kept putting one foot in front of the other in a perfectly straight line as he praised his God ! The camera sometimes shifted to his feet and I could see the precision of his steps . Each step was a feel for the rope and then the foot securely finding it . Of course most of us watching ask ourselves why ? Why would someone risk everything in a stunt as millions watched . It didn 't take long as I first saw and heard him up there to possibly understand . What a testimony he portrayed to millions ! When does someone get a chance to witness to millions at a time ? Psalms 23 states that " Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death , I fear no evil ; for thou art with me ; thy rod and thy staff , they comfort me " . There was no doubt that Wallenda felt comfort in God 's hands in the midst of the danger ! As I was thinking about Wallenda 's walk on the 2 inch wire I was reminded of the words of Jesus in Matthew 7 verses 13 and 14 . " Enter through the narrow gate . For wide is the road and broad is the way that leads to destruction , and many enter through it . But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life , and only a few find it " . In the end aren 't we all in a spiritual sense walking Wallenda 's walk in life ? Aren 't we all on a spiritual tight rope with Jesus representing the bridge between us and the Father and all other ways ending in destruction ? The good news is that the bridge is engineered perfectly sound for us to cross over without fear ! They showed a long range view and Wallenda was three quarters of the way across . I could see his little figure with the background of rocks behind him , slowly advancing . He had taken another knee a ways back and now he was steadily proceeding ! One step in front of the other he was almost home . When he got within twenty feet of the end he took four fast hops . The quick change of pace startled me but here he was safely on the other side greeted by his awaiting family ! Maybe that is how life ends for Christians . Maybe after the toils of life 's burdens we suddenly run to our God and awaiting loved ones as the victorious journey ends ! The first thing that Nik did was walk over and kiss the solid ground he There is a new energy around the Western Michigan University campus and football program this year ! It started with the hiring of a new head coach P . J Fleck . P . J is the youngest coach in the NCAA at only 32 years old . A major reason that he was hired was because of his high energy and enthusiasm ! Another factor was his vision for the program in the years ahead ! Coach Fleck was an assistant on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers NFL team . Before that he assisted for 2 years at Rutgers and 3 years at Northern Illinois . He started out as a receiver for Northern Illinois and played briefly in the NFL . While assisting at Northern Illinois he was in charge of recruiting . This last year with many of his recruits on the field Northern Illinois played in the Orange Bowl game ! This is a first for a mid major university ! In his short few months here at Western Coach Fleck is already making waves . His 2014 recruiting commitment class is ranked number 28 in the nation at the present time ! So what is it about Fleck that is attracting talented kids to play on his team and away from more traditional football powers ? What is it that is making Flecks team an exciting alternative to bigger schools with great histories ? I believe that they are seeing a complete vision and a place for them to come in and help that vision come true ! I have only heard Coach Fleck talk in person one time , but in that talk I came away so impressed and fired up about our program ! He brings such an energy level and it is based on a determination that you can 't help to notice ! His philosophy starts with three simple words Row The Boat ! The row the boat concept had it 's beginnings in a personal tragedy in Fleck 's life . He had a son named Colt that was born with a bad heart . When he was born they knew that they would only have him for a short while . His death was an enormous heartbreak to his family . Through it all Fleck came up with his Row the Boat philosophy . Rowing the boat meant to him that no matter what happens ( good or bad ) , he was going to keep rowing the boat . This concept kept him focused on the big picture of life . I guess you can say it is a simple concept . If you have everyone in the boat rowing at the same pace and the same direction , the boat will maximize it 's speed and stay straight . Each person in the boat has to do their part . It 's more than what they can do individually , it is about what they can do as a team . If someone doesn 't row , the boat will zig zag but still get there . If half the people are not rowing , the boat will end up going in circles . Rowing the boat starts with getting a team in the boat . When everyone is in they have to be really in . These are shark infested waters and you can 't be hanging off of the side of the boat and stay intact . Once everyone is in they are given two oars and the practice of working together begins ! It may take speeding the pace up to keep up or sacrificing a little of the pace for the good of the whole . Everyone needs to be on the same page with a common goal ! Everyone must be consumed with doing their own job and doing it as part of the team ! Rowing a boat is in fact an act of faith . Each one rowing is facing the opposite direction to where the boat is going . We don 't know what is ahead of us . All we know is what we have already experienced . Fleck talks about the makeup of the boat . He is concentrating his efforts to build a solid dependable foundation . Building fast may work in the short term but with no foundation it would be like building with paper mache . Eventually as time passes the boat will not be able to hold up . He talks about building an old ironsides type of boat that will last through the ups and downs . The oars are tools to make the boat go . The driving force is the people in the boat and how they use the tools they are given . The " R " in the Row the Boat philosophy stand for Responsibility . Fleck contends that responsibility is taking accountability and willingness to pay the price for our actions good or bad . It 's a matter of choices that we make . He maintains that we make a choice of brushing our teeth for instance . If we do this consistantly we enjoy the benefits of nice sparkly teeth . If we neglect this act we receive the opposite results . If one of the players goes out drinking one night and gets pulled over for a DUI charge that is the consequence of the choice they made . If they stay out of trouble off of the field and work hard on the field they will receive positive consequences . The " T " in the Row the Boat philosophy stands for Trust . Fleck contends that every relationship is built on trust . " If you break trust it is very hard to get it back and you will never get it back to 100 percent " , he states . " Most of the world lies by either commission or ommission , either flat out lieing or leaving out bits and pieces . " Within that trust is the belief that you will do what you are supposed to do when you are supposed to do it . Sometimes you may be asked to do a little extra always with the team as a whole in mind . The " B " in the Row the Boat philosophy stands for Belief . Fleck mentioned that you have to believe in yourself , believe in the vision , and be willing to die for the vision . He states that you should love the vision and trust that it can happen ! According to Fleck belief can be broken down into two units . The first is attitude . He calls for direct energy much like a lazer beam . Lazer beams are energy directed to one place at one specific time . He urges his players to direct all of their energy to one three or four second play taking one play at a time . The second part of belief is confidence . Confidence in his mind comes from being prepared . One of the knocks against Fleck was that he was so young and he didn 't have the experience that some of the older candidates had . Fleck counters this notion with the fact that he has dreamed of this opportunity and he has prepared himself to be successful in it ! He is confident that he can do the job because he has been successful in everything leading up to this point . Although he hasn 't specifically coached a college football team , he has coached position players at college and the professional level . Although he has not overseen all of the aspects of a program , he has overseen the recruiting aspect which is a big part of the coaches responsibility ! All of his little victories has given him confidence that he can win the big victories to come ! Coach Fleck has a vision and it is more than having a successful football team . It is a vision of giving a vision to the community ! He would like to have an oar in every bank , bakery , restaurant , dorm room , and the list goes on . It would be a rallying cry that we all can be successful and would help us to look at the football team 's success as an example ! It would be a symbol of support and it would get to the point where people wouldn 't have to ask what it meant , they would know ! They would be motivated to do everything they could as fans , sponsors , alumni , coaches , and everyone else that was involved some way with the team . Here are your oars , start rowing . Don 't worry about anything except doing what you are supposed to do at the time you are supposed to do it . I 've been thinking about the philosophy of rowing the boat in our christian walk ! Fleck mentions that the philosophy incompasses much more than football . It could be about a young kid fighting a battle against cancer . It could be any trouble or trial people are going through . Have faith in what you are doing and the purpose of working together and keep rowing . Coach Fleck describes the definition of insanity as " doing the same things and expecting different results . " He vowed that he would not make that mistake with his program . Too many times we Christians get into a similar pattern . We wonder why our church isn 't growing and why we feel like we are seeing the same faces over and over . We wonder why we are not seeing the power of God as we do our same rituals . As Christians we have the boat in place . Jesus Christ is the rock of our salvation . The old hymn states that " on Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand . " The solid rock Jesus can be compared to the boat . Our boat is made of the finest materials that will carry us through all of lifes troubled seas . We won 't be able to see the future , just as when rowing we can 't see behind us . Yet we know to keep rowing through good times and bad . When the sea is calm or when there is an uprising it should make no difference . We are not controlled by the things going on around us . We are controlled by the vision that God has for our lives . We are controlled by him and the desire to do his will ! If we do not feel that passion we need to take a hard look in the mirror and ask ourselves if we are truly in the boat all the way ? If God asks us to do something can he count on us to get it done ? The oar represents the tools that he gives each of us . Whether it is a gift that we can share with others or a listening ear . Whether it is a kind word we can give or an ability to teach someone something important . There is something that each of us can do ! The oar is the tool , but it needs force to make it a useful tool . That is where God 's power will help us if we truly believe ! In believing in him and his vision for us we open the connection to his power to help us row successfully ! He is our strength in good times and times of trouble ! In our christian walk the symbol of our faith is the cross . Imagine those oars in the water as an extension of the bloodied cross that Jesus died on . Seeing his blood stains as a rememberance of what and why we are doing what we are doing can keep us going in the right direction and pushing hard for all that he wants to do through us ! ! It 's a wonderful scenerio of what can be ! The first thing that we all need to do is get in the boat . We can 't be halfway in the boat because then we can 't do what is needed . We can 't row if we are not securely settled on the boats floor ! To not be totally in the boat is in fact to be out and is very dangerous as the devil 's waters are filled with hazards . We are either all in or all out . Now that we are in we need to focus everything that we have into the moment . Living one oar stroke at a time by doing what is needed at the time it is needed ! The more we get in rhythm with what we are supposed to do the more faith we will receive as the boat goes forward ! When it 's all said and done and the boat crosses the finish line we 'll get a reward with the comment " well done my good and faithful servant . " Don 't worry about the past because that is gone . Have faith for the future that is ahead of you . Deal in the present because that is the only thing we can deal with right now . One day our life will end and our journey will be over . Until then as Coach Fleck would say whether things are going good or bad " Row The Boat ! " " Maurice was all alone , something had to be done and someone had to do it , I was the only one around so I became that someone . " Those are the simple words of Jack Twyman as he described what he did for Maurice Stokes for twelve years . It wasn 't like they were best friends before the tragic day . It wasn 't like they had alot in common . Maurice was a 6 ' 7 240 pound black man who was a power of muscle on the basketball court . Nobody had ever seen his combination of quickness , bulk , and jumping ability ! Jack was 6 ' 6 but he was a skinny white guy and his skill was shooting the basketball . They both came into the NBA in 1955 . For the first three years in the league everyone knew that Maurice was playing out a Hall of Fame career . He was such a force that he was voted the rookie of the year and later he led the league in rebounding ! He was 24 years old and improving every year when the tragedy occurred . It was the last game of the 1957 - 58 season and Maurice and Jack 's Cincinnati Royals were playing the Minneapolis Lakers . Maurice was going up for a rebound when his feet got pulled from under him by a Lakers players shoulders . Maurice came down head first on the court and was knocked out . If this incident happened today Maurice would have been sent to the hospital and checked out . Back then though they gave him smelling salts and called him good to go . He actually came back into the game . Two days later after the Royals played the Detroit Pistons in a first round playoff game the team boarded a plane to go back to Cincinnati . Maurice , who was still groggy and sore , had a very underwhelming game for him with 12 points and 15 rebounds . On the plane Maurice became violently sick . He began to perspire heavily and the pilot called ahead to have an ambulance ready when they arrived . When the plane finally landed Maurice was unconcious with a 106 temperature . Maurice was rushed to St . Elizabeth hospital where he slipped into a coma . The next day the Royals were eliminated by the Pistons ending their season . While the other players hurriedly scattered back to their hometowns Jack remained . Cincinnati was his hometown . For that Maurice would be forever thankful ! Things were so different in the NBA back then . The average player made ten thousand dollars if that . Maurice being way better than average was making twenty thousand . With Maurice unable to play anymore that salary would be lost . Maurice 's parents Tero and Myrtle didn 't have the means to pay for their sons expensive hospital bills and the hospital was losing their patience . Someone had to act right away to stem the tide . In Jack 's own words , he became that someone . " I became his Guardian " , Jack stated . He had a bank account that nobody could touch . He also had a brand new car that needed to be sold . The final diagnosis for Maurice was Post - Traumatic Encepholopathy . He was paralyzed from the neck down , unable to speak , and stricken to a wheel chair for Not only were salaries low in 1958 for NBA players but they didn 't have insurance . There was no workmans compensation benefits . Jack hired a lawyer who brought a lawsuit against the NBA and won . In doing so Jack invariably had to risk his own status in the league . Jack was still a player getting paid by the league to play basketball . He didn 't think of himself and his status . He had a single minded goal of raising needed money for Maurice . Maurice and Jack Still so much more was needed . Jack worked with the NBA Public Relations man Haskell Cohen and Catskills Hotel owner Milton Kutsher to create a benefit game for Maurice . Catskills was a Jewish resort that later became home to very competitive basketball games with stars from colleges competing . Kutsher had the venue and when he heard about Maurice 's plight he wanted to help ! The league came together as one to help also . Many of the leagues stars participated in the annual Maurice Stokes game and thousands of dollars were raised every year . Maurice got to a point where he was able to attend some of the games . Maurice took the time to make ash trays for all of the participants ! It was a big highlight of Maurice 's year to attend and share his infectious smile and gifts with his long past rivals . The Maurice Stokes benefit game raised over $ 750 , 000 over the years but still it wasn 't enough . Jack approached every media outlet in the towns the Royals played in to tell Maurice 's story . Through his efforts donations poured in . Every Christmas he appeared on Howard Cosell 's radio show to share Maurice 's story again . His story was featured in Sports Illustrated and another $ 200 , 000 was generated ! Through all of Jack 's efforts Maurice 's expenses were getting paid . Maurice for his part continued the rigorous regiment of rehabilitation that was before him . The results seemed small but Maurice was never discouraged . The hospital actually brought victims of serious crashes and other traumatic experience to Maurice because he could cheer them up with his loving inspired attitude ! Sometimes when Jack was feeling down he visited Maurice because Maurice always had a way of putting a smile on Jack 's face ! Maurice suffered a massive heart attack in 1970 and died at the young age of 36 . Undoubtedly he was strained by his situation and his attempts to keep upbeat in the midst of his troubles . After twelve years the burden on Jack was now removed . He had retired as a player and was working as a game commentator for ABC . In 1983 Jack was inducted into the Naismith NBA Hall of Fame ! Later Jack would become a food company executive and made more than three million dollars when he sold the company in 1996 ! In 1973 a movie was made about Maurice . It didn 't receive great reviews as the critics labeled it as a tragedy displayed with " soap opera effects . " A special viewing was reserved for Tero and Myrtle ( Maurice 's parents ) . After the viewing Tero broke the silence . " It was sad but it was also beautiful " , he said . The Bible speaks about the Good Samaritan . In this case Jack went even beyond the Good Samaritan 's deed . Jack was the Good Samaritan to Maurice for twelve years ! Although Jack was extremely successful financially after his NBA career and received the highest NBA honor in the Hall of Fame , his legacy with Maurice will always be his shining glory . Jack was always humble about the experience saying " anybody would have done it . " I 'm sure it was Jack that was placed there because his other teammates wouldn 't have . There were a couple of other issues not mentioned . Jack was white and Maurice was black . Back in 1958 racial opinions were far different . Jack never let the opinions of others get in his way of helping Maurice ! The other factor was Jack 's family . He had a growing family at the time of the accident . There was a time when Jack questioned whether he was neglecting his own family . His family proved to be very understanding though and Maurice became a part of them too ! One of the happiest days for Jack was when Maurice got named to the Hall of Fame in 2004 and Jack accepted the award on his behalf ! After playing only three years in the league such an honor was unheard of . Yet because of the very special circumstances Maurice will forever have a plaque in the Hall of Fame for all who visit to see ! Jack Twyman died last year at the age of 78 . In his and Maurice 's honor this year the NBA has named a new award . It is called the Twyman - Stokes Teammate Of The Year Award . The first winner of the award was Chauncey Billups . The award has a sculpture of Twyman helping up Stokes his fallen teammate . After finding out that he won the award Chauncey did some research of Twyman and Stokes . Chauncey was amazed at the story and the dedication involved . He considered himself a good teammate but he was very humbled to be mentioned in the same breath as what Jack Twyman contributed . Twyman - Stokes Teammate Of The Year Award When Maurice had undergone so many hours and years of rehabilitation he was finally able to use his hands . It was decided that maybe a typewriter would be a good gift for him ! Studiously and slowly he typed out a message . It was the first thing that he typed on that typewriter and it was the most memorable ! He typed out a letter to his friend Jack . The text was this : " Dear Jack , How can I ever thank you ? " It reminds me of a question we should all ask Jesus for dying for our sins . The answer of course is you can 't , but accept this gift because I love you ! It was the Summer of 1974 and we were driving back from camp . The youth director of our church had recruited myself , my best friend Keith , and a classmate in high school Barbie to be camp counselors that summer at a place called Living Waters Camp . We spent the whole week at the camp and he would take us home on Saturday morning and return us back Sunday night . Each week we would meet a new set of young kids experiencing their first time away from home . While we were making one of those trips a song came on the radio . It was sang by Terry Jacks and it was called " Seasons In The Sun . " Greg ( the youth director and a former disc jockey ) made a statement about the song " that will be a number one hit mark my word . " Greg was right , the song went straight up the charts to number one ! The song was about a man that was dying and he was saying goodbye to all of his loved friends and family . It was a sad song that struck a chord with people because we all know that some day life will end and saying goodbye and recapping our lives together is something few of us get to do . In Michigan around my birthday February 20 , usually the snow is falling and it is cold . A likely scenario is coming into the house after shoveling snow from the driveway and feeling stiff and cold . At this point you are totally frustrated with winter , shoveling snow and feeling numb . You turn on the TV and the announcer makes a statement " Pitchers and Catchers are reporting to Spring Training today . " Suddenly a new hope comes over your spirit ! If Pitchers and Catchers are reporting it can 't be too long until spring arrives ! Suddenly there is a revived feeling that we all call spring fever ! After a dormant time in winter , spring brings a newness and things start to grow again ! The birds come back from their winter migration and as the weather begins to warm we start hearing them chirping ! In the big picture our lives can be compared to the seasons . Spring is the time that we were born and it goes maybe to our early 20 's . Spring is a time to learn . Much like the growth of the plants and trees around us , spring is a time for growth in our lives . Spring is a time for learning and making lasting relationships . It is a time for us to feel the sun hitting our face for the first time . It is a time , like the birds , to chirp and sing and dream big dreams as we look at the big world around us ! Spring is the time for choosing our values and deciding what we want to do with the rest of our lives . It very well could be the time that we decide who we are going to spend the rest of our lives with ! Spring is a little unpredictable . Sometimes we get hot days , sometime cold , many times rain . Unpredictable describes our time growing up . We are caught in the emotions of adolescence , hurt feelings and extreme highs and lows . Spring is normally a time for less responsibilities . Normally we live with our parents and they provide for us . We long to start a life of our own and leave the proverbial nest . There comes a point when we start making a life of our own and the temperature in our lives begins to rise as spring turns into summer . Just as in the summer when the temperatures get hot , our lives go the same way . As we enter summer we are now more independant . We are willing to take on more responsibility which can be compared to the temperature rising . The summer years are maybe 23 - 40 . Those years are a time for possibly getting married , raising a family , finding a lasting career , and living the day to day struggles that all of these things entail . Summer is a time that you balance the crazy dreams that you may have had in the spring with the reality that the world doesn 't revolve around you . It is a time for giving as we pass along life lessons to our offspring . It 's a time to realize that other people are depending on us and we are not an island . It is a time for extreme love and extreme personal satisfaction . It is also a time of extreme disappointments and extreme heartbreaks . Like summer , the heat can be extreme and very uncomfortable . There are times when you wonder if you can do all of the things that you want to get done ! Near the end of summer you start to notice the leaves changing . Maybe it is your hair starting to grey , or you notice there isn 't nearly as much hair as there used to be . You start noticing aging marks in your face . These are the signs that you are entering into fall . As fall approaches you notice that the temperature is starting to drop . Fall is roughly the ages of 41 - 60 in my illustration . Responsibilities generally start to decrease . Generally your kids get old enough where they are starting to make a life of their own . If you have taken care of your money , your financial responsibilities become less as maybe you get closer to paying off your home ! Maybe by this time you have established a career and now you have a lot of stability in the workplace ! Fall can be the best time in life as now you have a true perspective of where you came and where you are going ! It is a time to think about retirement and plan vacations you may not have had time for in the summer . It 's a time to think about your children and maybe their families as many of us will become grandparents during these years . Fall is a time to give as we realize how fortunate we have been . It is probably the time in our lives that most of us think of others as the stress and heat of our own lives becomes less . Fall is some of the happiest times and yet with fall our bodies start to show us the creaks of winter setting in . Gradually the temperatures start to go down . The leaves begin to fall off of the trees and you notice that things are not as pleasant . By this time your body reminds you of seasons past . You find that your loved ones are more concerned about you instead of the other way around . You find that things you took for granted such as driving could come into question . You have extreme knowledge from experiencing past seasons , but your body may not be able to move you around like before . Like the birds leaving you realize that you may soon be leaving too . Winter can be a very hard time as we may become dependant upon other people . Our memory and hearing most likely will get worse and we may think of things of seasons gone by instead of the present . Winter is a time for things like pensions , social security , and estate planning . The group " The Byrds ' had a song years ago called " Turn ! Turn ! Turn ! . " The words were " To everything ( turn turn turn ) , there is a season , ( turn turn turn ) , and a time for every purpose under Heaven . A time to be born , a time to die , a time to plant , a time to reap , a time to kill , a time to heal , a time to laugh , a time to weep . " You will find all of the words where the song writer found them , in the Bible , Ecclesiastes chapter 3 verses 1 - 9 ! While there is a time for everything some have more time than others . Many die in their spring , summer , or fall years before ever reaching winter . Obviously there are no guarantees in life as to how many seasons we see . Terry Jacks " Seasons in the Sun " song had a good thought , tell the people you love how much they have meant to you ! Nobody wants to say goodbye , but when it comes down to it , goodbyes don 't have to be forever . God made a plan for all of us to get to heaven after our seasons here on earth are over . It starts by accepting Jesus Christ into your life as soon as possible . If you haven 't done that consider accepting him now ! We all are concerned about our estate and things of that nature but what about us ? What about our fate after we leave here ? Since we have been talking about songs and lyrics I leave you with this songs lyrics by Paul McCartney and Wings . It may not be what Paul had in mind but consider that Jesus knocks on everyones heart door . " Someone 's knocking at the door , somebody 's ringing the bell , someone 's knocking at the door , somebody 's ringing the bell , do me a favor , open the door and let him in ! " This one decision will lead you to eternal life and an everlasting season in the sun with the son ! Years ago we had a big kid that we invited to play softball on our team . He was a body builder and his muscles bulged from his arms and chest in a powerful appearance ! In fact he looked like a slightly smaller version of Arnold Schwartzennegger ! We figured that surely he would be hitting home runs at a rapid pace ! Our opponents saw the big guy coming up and positioned their outfield way back by the home run fence . Unfortunately the correlation of his massive body muscles and his ability to hit the softball did not match . The fact was he had a hard time getting the ball out of the infield . His hits were bloopers just over the infield that dropped into the outfield as the fearful outfielders desperately ran in to no avail . After awhile the big guy quit the team out of embarrassment and I believe a pulled muscle . If you look at an early picture of the company listed below you probably wouldn 't be impressed . The order of the day in the corporate world was more of a clean cut sharp suit image . Yet here was this renegade company with a different look competing for our business . Looking back we all wish we would have invested in their company back then . We all have to admit though that it would have been hard to get past the cover of the book and into the real contents . Today the Microsoft Corporation is worth over 230 billion dollars ! Yet if you went on the " book cover " for the young company in 1978 I doubt you would have trusted them with your money . Needless to say things are not always as they appear . Sometimes our sight can deceive us if we are looking at appearance without the willingness to dig into the book ! Sometimes we miss golden opportunities to read fascinating books because the cover is not fancy . Other times we are very disappointed because the contents of the book do not match the wonderful promises that the cover provides . Pictured on the bottom left is a young Bill Gates . Who would have dreamed of the future fame he would obtain from this very humble picture ? Sitka Alaska is the hometown of Brent Cunningham . Brent is a Young Life Director there . To say that Sitka Alaska is a place that nothing much happens is probably an understatement . It is a waterlocked fishing town with a couple of fisheries and a refueling port for cruise ships . A standard reaction to Brent showing up at the Boston Marathon would be " What is a man from Sitka , Alaska doing at the Boston Marathon ? " Brent had tried to qualify twice for the Boston Marathon without success . On his third try he barely got in under the qualifying time wire ! There Brent was though in the midst of a gigantic crowd at the start of the Boston Marathon . Sandwiched between tons of people from all over the world ! Little did Brent or anyone know the unexpected events that awaited them . He did know that he was finally going to live his dream of competing in the Boston Marathon ! What a thrill it would be if he could finish after his disappointments of the past ! How great would it feel to show his friends back home the finishers award that comes to so few . Brent ran his race that day and received his medal for finishing ! He was proudly wearing his medal around his neck and walking back to the hotel with his wife when the bombs went off . Moments later they came across a young woman runner named Laura Wellington who was sitting by the curb crying maybe a half a mile from the finish line . The race officials had stopped the race and Laura had just gotten word that her family was safe as they were up by the finish line . Brent and his wife gave Laura comfort with kind words and placed a blanket on her shoulders to keep her warm . As they got up to leave Brent asked Laura if she had finished the race ? " No " was her reply . Feeling how disheartened she must have felt and knowing how much the medal meant to him for finishing , he slowly took it off of his neck and placed it on hers ! Names were never exchanged as Brent gave his gift without the thought of how much he would miss the precious reminder of his great accomplishment . Quickly he and his wife walked away . If it wasn 't for the vast social media networks we have today we never would have heard this story . Laura was determined though to find this person who was so kind to her and she did ! Brent didn 't do his deed of kindness for recognition . He did it for no other reason than to make Laura feel good ! The odd conclusion to the story is that Laura ended up with a medal for finishing a race that she didn 't finish and Brent doesn 't have a medal for finishing even though he did . Once again we can 't judge a book by it 's cover can we ? As the Bible states " man looks at the outside , but God looks at the heart . " It would also be true to say that man looks at possessions as things that you should store away but God looks at them as something to give to others . When God looks at what we possess it has nothing to do with money or things , but attitude . He cuts through what we look like or what other people see us as . He reads the whole book that starts with what we do and why we do it . He takes notes to reward people later who unselfishly give of their time and possessions to make someone elses life better . You could say that man looks at the book cover but God looks at the contents ! Man looks at a persons social status , what their profession is , where they come from , and what their parents do . God looks at all of us individually . It is all the same to God whether we are from New York City or Sitka , Alaska , whether we are a doctor or a garbage man . I 'm pretty sure that when Laura looks at that medal she see 's Brents face and thinks about the love he shared that day . I 'm also pretty sure that Brent doesn 't miss the medal he had because God has replaced it with an inner peace that you can read in the contents of his book !
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November 14th , 2013By : HeatherComments : 64 In June , just a week after James was born , an old post of Mike 's was picked up by the Huffington Post . It was his love - letter to nurses , and it got a lot of attention for giving praise to an often - overlooked profession . However , some readers took exception to Mike 's words about the way the doctor in charge handled things the night Madeline died . In a nutshell , those people thought Mike was needlessly harsh about the way the doctor in charge acted the that night , and that we are just a big family of doctor - haters . Now , if you 've read my blog for any length of time you know that 's not true . I mean , my General Practitioner 's nickname on this blog is Dr . Looove because I LOVE HER . I cried when I left my last appointment with Dr . Risky because I wasn 't going to see her again . I have genuinely liked almost every doctor I 've come into contact with , and I 've dealt with a large amount of them in my life . It wasn 't hard for me to ignore the commenters that called us doctor - haters because it 's not true . However , the comments opened a lot of old wounds for the members of my family who were there the night Madeline died . They 'd witnessed the head doctor 's callous behavior and the comments defending him enraged them . I 've written about my feelings toward that doctor , and they weren 't pretty . I have done a lot ( A . LOT . ) of work in therapy to erase that man from my thoughts . Not forgive - forget . I don 't waste time on him , and that is what works for me . Since James was brand - spanking - new when this post was republished , my family was at our house a lot , and of course they wanted to talk about it . I paid very little attention , more consumed with resting and cuddling my new baby . While I was nursing James in another room , I could hear them all rehashing April 7th , 2009 . After Maddie died that night , I was unaware of anything else going on around me . At the time , I hadn 't realized that the doctors were having their post - mortem only a few feet away . I didn DIY Faux Fur CowlDIY Faux Fur CowlWhile You Were At Preschool … While You Were At Preschool … do November 14th , 2013 at 2 : 53 am After reading your post , I felt an irrational , or should I say ' rational ' burst of anger . It 's almost impossible to believe that a Medical professional could make such an insensitive and incorrect statement . I want to slap his face ! ! ! ! If I feel this way , then I can only begin to imagine how you must have felt . I have no other words , except to say that I am so sorry you had to encounter such a soulless person at such a traumatic point in your life . I 'm glad that you have put this evil being out of your mind . Hugs xxx November 14th , 2013 at 9 : 43 am OMG , me too . I want to punch that doctor for his callousness . I 'm glad you realize many healthcare professionals are actually very compassionate and caring . This jerk is an exception . I can 't imagine the pain of hearing what he said about Maddie . What . An . Ahole . November 14th , 2013 at 3 : 40 am It amazes me why some people choose professions where they have to go out and interact with other humans . He is one that shouldn 't . Hurtful hurtful hurtful . I 'm sorry Heather , i 'm sorry you found out . I 'm sorry you are hurting because of his callousness . What a bastard . November 14th , 2013 at 3 : 55 am I don 't know if this will mean anything , but it was that Huffington Post piece that brought me to your blog in the first place in June . I stopped everything I was doing that week ( eating , sleeping … breathing ) to read your entire blog from the very beginning . You and Mike are incredible and have an amazing family - not just your kids ( who I 'm sure you know are just seriously something else ) , but your supportive extended family . Thanks for posting this today - I know it 's been a tough week for you . I think we , in general , ascribe so much … authority , and awe , to our doctors that when one acts in a manner we aren 't expecting , it 's such a huge breach of The Code that it cuts deep and hard . On the flip side , I can only wonder how doctors who treat very ill children manage to process loss after loss without it crushing them . Not an excuse at all for how your doc behaved , but just me trying to put myself in his shoes . November 14th , 2013 at 4 : 40 am Oh , Heather , , when I read that the doctor said that Maddie didn 't try to live I said out loud , , " OH … MY … . God " , and was covered in chills as I cried for your family . What a horrendous thing for you to have to know . Some people should take a good look at themselves and maybe change professions . I agree with Shannon , , , , , " what a bastard " . Hugs to all of you , honey . November 14th , 2013 at 5 : 38 am I am so sorry that man re - entered your brain for even a millisecond . I am glad that he has once again been banished forever . Anyone who knows ( or has read ) you and Mike or knew Maddie knows the truth - Maddie was always a fighter . Sending hope and hugs . xo November 14th , 2013 at 5 : 43 am Wow . This post has really resonated with me and I 'm guessing many others . I have an adult son who has been living with a critical illness since he was nine ( he 's 24 now ) and through all of those years and all of the numerous doctors and medical professionals , we only had one truly bad experience with a callous , unfeeling doctor . His words and actions were devastating to the core ( enough to still bring tears to my eyes 6 years later ) . Wounding the wounded and compounding loss is so polar opposite of what a doctor takes an oath to do . Morally and ethically it feels like negligence ( by way of stupidity ) to me . I have great admiration for the strength you 've been able to summon to fight hard enough to banish him from your mind , from your present , and to leave him where he belongs in the past . Thank you for sharing this Heather . November 14th , 2013 at 5 : 59 am Sigh … . really no words … . . I guess maybe this insensitive fool felt the need to put blame somewhere . Absolutely no excuses for that kind of behavior . None . December 25th , 2013 at 6 : 10 pm EXACTLY . It says a lot more about HIS self - esteem then it will ever say about Maddie that he chose those words . Clearly he was grasping at straws to try and protect himself from any fault , and of course it is a ridiculous statement . He SHOULD be banished form your brain , AND banished from working with children and families ! ! ! November 14th , 2013 at 6 : 01 am I remember , when Maddie was around a year old , you posted a picture of her " 6 pack " . You had taken it inadvertently and posted to show how hard Maddie worked for every . single . breath . That picture has always stuck in my mind as everything Maddie was . She fought for such a simple biological process that most of us take for granted all the time . She didn 't know how NOT to fight , it was everything she was . ( ( ( Hugs ) ) ) November 14th , 2013 at 6 : 09 am That doctor should have to go and work in the morgue for a bit . Sounds like he lost his care for humanity a while back . What he says means nothing , he didn 't know Maddie . She was a fighter ! ! And we all know that . I am glad to hear that you have banished him , that is where he belongs . November 14th , 2013 at 6 : 46 am Wow , I 'm so sorry you and your family heard the doctor 's hurtful words . I hope your family knows that we all can see she was such a fighter . And I 'm so glad you have banished him from your thoughts . That is a very good thing . Wishing you and yours much love and peace . p . s . that picture of James is beyond adorable ! November 14th , 2013 at 7 : 17 am I 'm so sorry , again , that you had this additional pain heaped on what was such an awful day in your life . And I 'm sorry that the memory of him still comes to your mind from time to time . Maddie was a beautiful fighter and no one can ever take that away from you or her ! November 14th , 2013 at 7 : 18 am I 'm so sorry to hear that he said such a thing . I 'm wondering if he knows how callous he was and how much his words hurt the family ? Maybe he should know . Maybe he should know just so that he won 't do something like that again . I doubt very much he 's going to change on his own . I 'm glad that you are finally able to banish him from your mind once again . Your girl was such a fighter ! You and Mike know her better than anyone , and I 'm so glad to know that you aren 't letting some doctor who knew her all of a few hours cast a doubt about that . November 14th , 2013 at 7 : 30 am I work in healthcare , concern handling specifically . I speak to people every day who are upset , angry , and dissatisfied with the health care they have received . I hope you took the time to write a letter to the hospital or to the physician licensing body about the words the doctor spoke and the profound impact they had on you . I am often put in the position of * * explaining * * ( not defending ) the actions of others . Most often they are thoughtless , and certainly not intended to be hurtful . All care providers , doctors and nurses , and heck , even the guy standing in the corner holding a mop , need to know that the words they speak can have a lasting effect on patients and families . Positive words , actions of support and kindness … well , those have a lasting effect too . I believe that doctor should have been given the opportunity to learn from his terrible mistake , and that might help him when dealing with patients and families in the future . It 's not too late . That being said , I was experiencing bleeding during the second trimester of my first pregnancy ( which later was miscarried ) and the callous words of an ultrasound technician who came in to the room to speak to his colleague ( " Is she supposed to be pregnant ? " ) still make me shudder . There is an opportunity to help and heal , and there is an opportunity to hurt based simply on word choices . Some care providers get it , but some don 't . And it 's tragic . November 14th , 2013 at 7 : 33 am This article is about cancer , but still relevant I think . The point is we can 't make people feel like their loved ones failed them or didn 't fight hard enough … . http : / / healthydebate . ca / opinions / when - dealing - with - cancer - lost - battle - language - is - inappropriate November 14th , 2013 at 9 : 38 pm Having just lost my mom a month ago to cancer , I really appreciate this article . My mom 's cancer was extremely quick , diagnosed and over in what feels like a blink of an eye , but as I told everyone had her memorial service , she will always be one of the strongest people I will ever meet because even during the toughest battle of her life , she would not let the cancer beat her spirit , even if it took her body . So , thank you for sharing this . As for the doctor , that is downright inexcusable and is not something that should EVER be said . I 'm so angry right now for you , and it sadly only reminds me of how my mom was sent away from urgent care after being scolded and basically turned away for going to someone besides her primary care doctor for IBS and how she had to burst into tears just to get an iron infusion scheduled for her severe anemia , all in the week leading up to her stage four ovarian diagnosis . For all those in the medical field who truly care for and respect their patients , there will always be a few who never see the people behind the illnesses when sometimes that can make all the difference in the world . November 14th , 2013 at 7 : 33 am I am angry for you and your family . How completely unprofessional to have that discussion ANYWHERE NEAR where your family sat grieving such an incredible loss . I was not allowed in the room when my baby passed away , and I thank God for that actually . I could not imagine the additional memories that would have haunted me had I witnessed every last detail of the fight to bring her back to life . Once again , I am amazed at how far you 've come in the last couple years . You are a much better person than I am , that 's for sure . Thank you so much for sharing your journey . You have no idea how much your blog help so many other still grieving families . God bless and take care . When we moved back to the state in which we now reside , we need a new pediatrician . The one we had previously was wonderful and I loved her so much . The guy we tried first seemed to be repulsed by my son . He recoiled when my ( we would later learn , autism spectrum ) child was acting just like he always did . And as he barely examined him , he asked if he was in daycare , which he was . He grabbed our chart and announced that there was no way he could be since we didn 't have the state health waiver signed . He was calling the police and stormed out . Doctors are human and some humans are not very nice people . The nurses Mike mentioned worked with that guy every day and they know what an ass he is . They probably overcompensate because they are good people . I am so sorry you had to hear any of that and that it came back around again . One day , that doctor will need care and we know that God will give him someone like himself . Maybe then he will understand how to treat people with sensitivity . Maybe Maddie 's body was done fighting after fighting for so long . We will never know . He said that to rid himself of guilt and he probably said it loud enough for your family so as to recluse himself from legal responsibility and that is the saddest statement of them all . You lost your child and he was thinking about blame . November 14th , 2013 at 8 : 04 am I am an angry for you and your family ! ! ! ! ! ! ! To me Miss Maddie will always be the biggest fighter I never met . She will always live in my heart . November 14th , 2013 at 8 : 06 am I 'm a NICU nurse and this makes me sick ! ! ! I 've seen some questionable bedside manner in my day but that is a new level . Why were they even discussing what happened in front you after your baby passed ? Seriously ridiculous ! I have a primary baby that is six months old now , after being discharged from the NICU at 4 months she 's been in the PICU for the last month . I go visit her every few days and just imagining a doctor acting that way up there is horribly unsettling . Those sweet premies are such fighters ! November 14th , 2013 at 8 : 07 am Maddie was a little warrior . She was the strongest little girl for enduring during her far too brief time . And all the while with a smile on that beautiful face . She fought as hard as she could . Anyone who knew Maddie knew that . It also seems very unprofessional to hold a post mortem within ear shot of a grieving family . You and Mike are such bigger people than me , I would have , even years later , wanted to pummel that doctor into the ground . November 14th , 2013 at 8 : 43 am I 'm a nurse . I 've worked with children , the ER and all over the place . I think I would have had to slap that doctor if I had heard such words . He goes beyond callous . That must be a man that has skill but absolutely no common sense and needless to say courtesy . I am so sorry for your open wound . You knew your Maddie better than anyone … and you know her not being a fighter is ridiculous . That 's all you need to remember from that night . November 14th , 2013 at 8 : 54 am I am really glad you wrote about this . Your anger needs a voice . What that doctor did is wrong . It is extremely , extremely wrong . It is also too common . That doctor was witnessing a horrible tragedy . And in the face of horrible tragedy , bystanders have a choice . They can either feel empathy with the victims , or they can protect themselves from that empathy by blaming the victims . Feeling empathy for Maddie 's death was excruciating for the nurses and everyone around you , as you know . And this doctor didn 't want to do that - or perhaps , isn 't capable of that ( he wouldn 't be the first unempathetic doctor , that 's for sure ) . So he found someone to blame for the horrible tragedy of a dying child . He may like to think his medical expertise makes him a kind of god - gives him godlike powers to save others . And when those powers fail , as they did for Maddie , he may totally lack the humility to admit it and feel the sorrow that results . And he made the choice to absolve himself of guilt by doing this absolutely evil thing . I am glad you spoke up about this . You have emboldened me to demand empathy from all my doctors . But most of all , I am so , so , sorry for this terrible suffering he caused . I am so , so sorry for you . You deserved better . You deserve all the empathy and compassion in the world , and so does Maddie . November 14th , 2013 at 9 : 12 pm So very well said . He was quite honestly a freaking asshole . How differently he would have dealt with the situation if it were HIS child or grandchild … Shameful . November 14th , 2013 at 9 : 01 am I know you don 't need unsolicited advice , so I 'm apologizing in advance for this . I wondered if you could ask your family members who shared what they overheard with you to write the doctor and the hospital a letter . Perhaps they feel that they need your permission to speak up . I can understand that , for you to heal , you need to do everything in your power to forget . But if others feel angry for you , it might be healthy for them to express it . You can also ask them to keep discussions of the letter to themselves , and to protect you from further mentions of this doctor . The fact that they are still talking about it though , shows that they have some healthy rage that might need some assertion for them to put it to rest ( and then feel comfortable no longer talking about this incident around you ) . November 14th , 2013 at 10 : 37 am I don 't think he was saying that Maddie wasn 't a fighter . But at some point , even the best fighters have to hang up the gloves and step out of the ring . You can see it in people , when they just don 't want to fight anymore . Maybe he saw that in her that day . And if he 's the attending at that hospital , he 's probably seen it a lot - the difference between someone who 's got fight left , and someone who is finished . November 14th , 2013 at 3 : 34 pm Actually , he shouldn 't have said it at all , even if he was thinking it , even if it was true . It 's called empathy , i . e . , understanding that your feelings ( disappointment at ? Not getting another ' win ' ? ) do not trump those of other people . November 14th , 2013 at 11 : 39 am I just can 't . I can 't imagine hearing those words years later about my daughter … the same little girl who courageously and willingly fought every day of her life . I have tears in my eyes and I truly just want to hug you . I admire you so very much . I 'm so glad you have erased him from your mind forever . November 14th , 2013 at 11 : 53 am I don 't understand how people like that can go on and keep their jobs and have respect of the people below them . You can 't continue to do your job , at least not remotely well , if you blame other people . Blaming a 17 month old for your lack of ability ? He needs his head examined . I would say I feel bad for him because he must have been in such a bad place in his life , blah blah blah , but I don 't . I hope something happens in his life that brings him compassion and understanding of the people that he 's supposed to be helping . One of the Friends of Maddie banners brought me here years ago and I , like one of the PPs , also read from beginning to end without stopping . She fought even before she was born and kept fighting . Her pictures and the stories about her express very clearly how much she loved every minute that she was allowed to be on this planet . Thank you so much for sharing her with us . I 'm sorry that piece of crap didn 't see what we all see : a beautiful , strong , courageous fighter . November 14th , 2013 at 11 : 54 am Heather I hope reading these comments is empowering for you and doesn 't restimulate the pain . Thank you for giving others a place to share their outrage at the hurts that people inflict on others , and a place to feel recognition for humanity . I am also trying not to rent space in my brain for an outrage , perpetrated by my husband for whom I feel both hatred and love , and it is hard and yet I think it is the only way forward . Thank God for my therapist helping me to see the path , even if I am not there yet . Hugs to you , lady . You are awesome ! November 14th , 2013 at 2 : 09 pm The physician that " cared " for my dad during his battle with cancer may not be in the same ballpark as Maddie 's doctor , but he was pretty close . Like you , I struggled after his death with how to deal with what I saw as a complete lack of humanity regarding my father 's life . And like you , I just choose to let it go because it could still eat me up if I allowed it to . I know my dad wouldn 't want me wasting a minute on a man who neither knew may dad nor cared to know him . Sorry that you even had to think about it again . November 14th , 2013 at 4 : 13 pm Fucker . That 's the word I have for him . Heartless bastard . OMG ! I 'm incensed by his callous attitude and that he would dare infer that a child wouldn 't TRY to live . What an asshole . Okay - he is now banished from my head too . November 14th , 2013 at 6 : 14 pm The night my mom died , we had all left the hospital for the night . They called us back to tell us they thought she was going to go soon ( much , much sooner then expected . ) she was gone before we got back but we all spent time in the room with her . My father went first and then left distraught . When I was done , I headed out down the hall behind a course of the nurses . The one was talking about my dad who had asked her , " what do I do now , " . She was mocking him . I was furious with her lack of compassion . She then realized I was behind her and I could tell she was terrified . I didn 't have anything left in me to give to her then and I try to give her compassion because she was probably lucky enough to have yet to be on the other side . I have to hope that she will grow and mature . Maybe that doctor was not yet ready to deal with failure and I can only hope that he will grow too . November 14th , 2013 at 6 : 48 pm Yes , initial reaction here too of wanting to punch his f ' ing face in and pummel it bloody … . But what you are probably needing is to work to forget him again . . just make his memory go away . I am so sorry . Your baby girl was a fierce fighter and so strong . Your beautiful girl . November 14th , 2013 at 6 : 55 pm Oh heck no . I would write that man a letter and tell him everything you just told us . That way he can 't get a chance for closure . It 's your story , not his . There are jobs in this life where empathy and compassion are a must . Pediatrics is one of them . I 'm sorry you have to deal with these memories . Hopefully some day you will find some peace with it . November 14th , 2013 at 8 : 34 pm That doctors comment just leaves me LIVID … Sounds like a person pushing the ' blame ' on another when a death is involved on his watch . Shameful and completely sickening . November 15th , 2013 at 4 : 24 pm Some people aren 't fit to be in their chosen professions . Though not tragic , like you losing Maddie , my parents recently changed doctors because they felt they weren 't being listened to . On the day they saw their new doctor ( who is now mine and my husband 's as well ) , he saw something in my mom 's results that didn 't gel and discovered that afternoon that her gall bladder is non - functioning and that she had H . pylori ( GERD ) . The GERD has been eradicated and she has surgery Tuesday to remove her gall bladder . Already , she is feeling better than she has in nearly a decade ! Her other doctor kept telling her it was just plain old reflux , even when she landed in the ER thinking she was having a heart attack . He also kept my dad on an anti - stroke medication long after it was recommended to do so . Years longer . Now dad is off the meds , losing weight and I 'm so glad that there are doctors like ours and Dr . Looove and Dr . Risky out there . November 15th , 2013 at 4 : 42 pm This is just gut - wrenching . I 'm so sorry this happened to you guys , all of it . You have had such trials in your relatively short life and seem to handle them with such grace . Words fail me here but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that this ( guy ) happened to you and your family . You are an inspiration . From reading your blog , I always got the impression of how much ' Looove ' and respect you have for your team of doctors , and that they must feel the exact same about you and your family . My entire life I always held doctors in such high regard , to trust them without question but that all changed the day my twin son died . After being told by a new high risk OB that my son died at 29weeks , I was admitted to the hospital and had to wait for transport to the closest children 's hospital to deliver both of my boys . During the hour I waited I was in shock , grief , and the anger I felt towards my regular OB for her mistakes that lead to my son 's death started to bubble through the pain I was in . When this Dr . entered my room to sign off on some form , she looked as grief stricken as I felt , and the only words she could say was , " I 'm so sorry . " Gone was her callous behavior and rude comments of past appointments , the only look on her face was pain . In the days that followed I made a firm and final choice , I would choose Better over Bitter in terms of her . I knew I could not get through mourning my baby , while being there for my surviving twin son during his NICU stay or the past few years . November 15th , 2013 at 11 : 14 pm I am a doctor , so I 'll admit that upfront . There is a difference between what a soul can do and what a body can do . Her body just may have just may have been done , and that is tragic , but he probably knew that going into the situation . That says nothing about her spirit . I 'm sure it could have been handled been handled better , but how easy can it possibly be to tell parents that their child is going to pass ? Haunting . PBS did a special about children with cancer ( Heather and Mike … don 't watch ) but for those who slam the doctor , it 's an interesting look at medical professionals who have to navigate difficult issues . November 16th , 2013 at 12 : 11 pm So glad you are able to banish the guy from your being . Your Maddie was a strong lil girl that put up an awesome fight ! Some doctors just shouldn 't be doctors . We have a doctor at our local hospital … one night I went into the ER with immense pain , everywhere , joints , skin , head , everywhere , in tears , doubled over , could hardly stand to be touched even by clothing , and because I am a recovered addict , been clean for several years with only one month long relapse , this guy refused to treat me . Said I was drug seeking and he wanted nothing to do with me . Told me it was all in my mind . I couldn 't believe how callous he was . I was begging for help and he just looked down on me and told me suck it up because of something well in my past that wasn 't even an issue anymore . He wouldn 't even listen to me . Turns out the pain was caused from a drug I was taking that had been prescribed to me , the levels in my system were too much , the dosage was too high and I was having a severe reaction to it . It wasn 't all in my mind after all . Then a few months later I was back in the ER , suicide attempt . Same doc got me stablized and concious again and then realized who I was . From that point on he refused to even talk to me . Even when I asked to specifically speak to him he refused to even come in the room . I was transferd out to another hospital by ambulance where I spent a few days recovering . I already had a fear of doctors . A hate of doctors . This guy just drove it home for me . I have anxiety attacks at the thought of having to even see a family doctor . Wish I could just banish him outta my head , but he 's always there in the back of my mind looking down on me and telling me how bad I am . It just never goes away and I hate him for it . Sorry to get so personal . November 16th , 2013 at 12 : 47 pm After my daughter was born I was furious and hurt by the actions and behaviour of one of the Drs . I tried to banish him from my mind and get on with my life , but the morning of my daughter 's first birthday I woke up crying from a dream I had about it . I contacted the Patient Liaison officer at the hospital and put in a formal complaint about him . When interviewed , 95 % of the staff involved in the birth remembered his actions and words and said they were unacceptable . He had to do a training course in patient relations ( pointless but as long as I wasted his time I was OK ) and was interviewed by the head of maternity and his boss . November 16th , 2013 at 3 : 40 pm How is his explanation , apart from its obvious callousness , even close to being a legitimate medical diagnosis ? This doctor - a representative of a major medical institution - seriously hypothesized that a toddler had lost her will to live ? It 's hard to conceive of a colder ( or stupider ) explanation for a little girl 's death . No wonder you are horrified . November 17th , 2013 at 2 : 08 pm Doctors can be such assholes at times , it 's that God complex thing some of them have . I 've just come from visiting my dad in hospital . Nurses were giving him little furtive smiles and thumbs up . A doctor walked by and flashed him a big grin . My mom explained that earlier in the day , some smug asshole doctor came up to MY dad , who has fought in wars , is the fixer of anything that is broken , has survived cancer , heart attack and stroke , this idiot came up to my poor dad sick in his hospital bed and curtly declared , " You 're not going home today . " No other explanation . November 17th , 2013 at 5 : 42 pm I don 't even feel anger at the doctor . Tears sprang to my eyes , imagining having to hear it as her parent . I almost lost my son during his multi month nicu stay several times - and even to consider how that would feel … November 30th , 2013 at 7 : 36 am There are no words to indicate how sorry I am that your grief was made even worse by this sorry excuse for a human being . I would respectfully suggest that you write a letter , detailing your experiences with this physician and describing the deleterious effect that they have had on you , to the point where you had to address this in therapy . It 's important that this individual not be able to subject another family to what you 've been subjected to here .
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So Amy Dickinson . . . . . she 's had a colorful and successful career as a writer ( and radio contributor ) , often in large part due to the challenges and triumphs she 's had as a single mother to her only daughter , now in college . She was always up front about her " status , " relating to other single parents , discouraged spouses , and frustrated singles just looking for a date . And now . . . . unbeknownst to me ( how COULD she ? ? ? ) Amy went ahead and got married about a month ago ! Now , it 's not like she was secretive about it . . . there 's a giant NYT feature . Although I never would have found it if I hadn 't been googling her , certain that chicagotribune . com was not keeping her columns up - to - date ( they weren 't ) . So . . . . congrats Amy ! ( Or , as Miss Manners would insist , best wishes for a lifetime of happiness , Amy , and congrats to your groom ) . And I mean that with all sincerity . She has worked hard , come far , and done it pretty much all on her own . . . . she ( well , and everyone ! ) certainly deserves to have happiness and companionship . I guess I just feel a little disconcerted because she didn 't let me , and her thousands of other readers , know . No " Oh , I 'm getting married , so we 'll be running ' classic Ann Landers ' for a few weeks until I get back from my honeymoon , " nothing . One could argue that it 's no one 's business . . . . . but when you 're an advice columnist , and people turn to you for guidance and , well , advice , it does matter . Especially in this day and age . There was a time when the advice columnist 's persona was just a name and a writing style ( indeed , the original " Dear Prudence " was a man ) , and " the advice columnist whose real life is totally counter to his / her trusted column " trope has certainly succeeded in plenty of novels and movies . But that doesn 't really fly anymore . People don 't trust who they 're reading without a bio and a resume - - readers wanted a picture with two heads in it when both Pauline and Jeanne were writing Dear Abby , and only one head when Jeanne took over for good . Amy 's entrance to the Tribune was marked by a column titledPosted by I have received the following helpful response re : my concern about the unlinked advice colums : Dear Ms . Welzenbach , Thank you for contacting the Chicago Tribune . We appreciate yourinterest and readership . Thank you for bringing to our attention . We apologize for anyinconvenience we may have caused you . We will forward your message on tothe Manager of Projects and Quality of Chicago Tribune Interactive . Weappreciate your feedback . Please keep in mind that you have the option of enrolling in the ChicagoTribune Electronic Edition , an online replica of our newspaper , thisalternative is available seven ( 7 ) days a week , easy to access , environmentally friendly , and searchable for only $ 2 . 50 per week . Tosign up for the Electronic Edition please visit the link below : http : / / www . chicagotribune . com / e - EditionAnother weekday option is to visit www . chicagotribune . com for breakingnews , video , weather and business updates . Please contact us at consumerservices @ tribune . com if you have anyadditional comments or questions . Thank you and have a great day ! Sincerely , Interactive Services Team / w061Chicago Tribune1 - 800 - Tribuneconsumerservices @ tribune . com Today has been a day for taking action . I wrote to the Tribune at large re : the unlinked advice columns , and also to Amy for some very ( VERY ) poor advice she gave to a fellow whose happy home and family of a girlfriend and 2 cats had just been shatteredFirst , his letter and her response . Then , my letter back to Amy . I 've written to her before - - only when her advice gets me really steamed , which isn 't that often - - and she has yet to print a response . So here 's the issue : Dear Amy : My live - in girlfriend of two years dumped me a couple of weeks ago , saying that she had never loved me . Since the breakup I haven 't been doing well . We had two cats , one that I had adopted and one that we adopted together . I finally found an apartment . I had been under the impression that I would be taking both cats . The two cats are very close , and I 've always been the primary caretaker for them . I have been the one who cleaned the litter box and took them to the vet . When I went to the apartment to pack , my ex told me that she wouldn 't let me take both cats . She told me that if I took our cat she would feel bitter toward me and that we would never be able to have a relationship of any sort . I was furious and upset . I cried and screamed , and my anger really scared me . To be honest , I am still in love with her , and I don 't want to do anything that I know will cause me to lose her forever . But I 'm also horrified at giving up my cat , and horrified to think of my other cat crying all day and all night and refusing to eat , the way he did the only other time I separated them and took him to a new place . Now I 'm incredibly sad and lonely . It seems like a lot to lose . Should I give up ? And how can I deal with my anger , frustration and sense of loss when I do ? - LonelyAnd Amy 's totally lame response : Dear Lonely : Your ex sounds like a prize jerk who is holding your cats hostage while she emotionally blackmails you . I hope that you recover from your hurt soon and that you are able to see how mean this is . It might help you to move on . In terms of the cPosted by I just sent the following to the Chicago Tribune online customer service folks . The columns have been de - linked from the homepage AGAIN . This happens every once in awhile and is usually fixed within a couple of days , but that hasn 't been the case this time . Dear Tribune ( Again ) , The economy is falling down around our ears . Paul Newman is dead . The world is a scary and confusing place . The least you can do is keep the advice columns linked from your homepage ( Please ! Please ! Please ! ) and keep Dear Abby up to date ( Please ! Please ! Please ! ) . You should know that it 's the advice columns that bring me to the trib at all - - only after reading them do I read the rest of the news . That being said , if I can 't get Abby ( TODAY ' S Abby , please ) from you , I " ll go elsewhere . It 's not like you 've filled the space with anything else . . . there 's a big empty hole at the bottom of the page where the advice column links used to be . Thanks , Longtime Reader I seriously enjoy the advice stylings of Amy Alkon , aka the Advice Goddess . It takes a lot of the right kind of sass to make yourself a deity , and she 's got it . She successfully fulfills one of the major advice columnists functions , namely , calling writers on their bullshit and seeing straight through their justifications , rationalizations , descriptivations , and all their other ations . We need advice columnists for this sort of thing , because our friends too often love us too much to call us on this stuff , or they do it in such a gentle way we don 't recognize it , or they do it clearly , and we get mad at them for interfering ( usually when we 've asked for their help ) . So three cheers , Amy Alkon . Not to mention her awesome , puntastic column titles . If I were an advice columnist ( someday . . . . ) I 'd want to be this kind . Think I 'd have to dye my hair red and wear a bad ass high - collared jacket ? I hope so . Sassy Abby Speaks ( which conveniently abbreviates to the acronym " SAS " ) could be a regular feature in this thing . . . . . DEAR ABBY : Is it me , or do others agree that it 's tacky to announce to anyone within earshot how much money someone has spent on an item ? I have a friend who brags constantly about the amount she spends on clothing and other things . I also suspect that she inflates the actual figures most of the time . How would you respond to a statement such as , " This new shirt I bought cost me $ 200 " ? - - NOT A SPENDTHRIFT IN BALTIMOREDEAR NOT A SPENDTHRIFT : It depends upon how I wanted her to feel . If I wanted to make her feel guilty , I 'd say , " Gee , that 's the amount I just donated to the food bank . " If I wanted her to feel envious , I 'd tell her , " Really ? I just put that amount in high - yield CDs . " And if I wanted to make her miserable , I 'd say , " It just went on sale at 70 percent off . " Or I could tell her the shirt is beautiful - - but that wouldn 't be as much fun . Today 's problem , I imagine , is one Miss Manners never expected she 'd have to handle . And she does it rather well , I must say . She maintains her staid , self - consciously old - fashioned tone while talking about ( possibly scandalous ) facebook pics , which reads a bit funny at first but ultimately is a credit to her versatility , I think . I guess good manners really never go out of style ! Here 's the letter : Dear Miss Manners : A long - term boyfriend and I loved taking pictures together and putting them up online on our Facebook profiles for everyone to see . However , we have been broken up for almost a year now , and I have been dating another guy for a while . I have not taken down the pictures of us ( there are hundreds of them ) because I consider them a part of my history . People have to search pretty far back in my photos to find them . I am also afraid that it would offend him , as we are attempting to remain friends . However , it leads to some awkwardness when friends of my current boyfriend ask me about " that other guy " in some of my old pictures . This is a fairly new problem for me , technology - wise , and I 'm not sure how to approach it . Is it more appropriate for me to take the pictures down or leave them up ? The mind boggles a bit at the thought of HUNDREDS of pictures that might need removing ( Miss Manners does not enter into discussion on the pros and cons of de - tagging pictures that remain online - - is it ok to de - tag someone ELSE in your own picture ? ) , though I admit I have a couple people in mind for whom this might be a problem someday . But the fact that the writer says you have to " search back pretty far " to find the pictures indicates to me that she is doing just that ( probably at work ) . And honestly , she 's probably the only one . No , nothing online ever really goes away , and she is wise to realize that out of sight does NOT equal out of the computer 's mind . . . but if they 've been broken up for over a year , and the photos are buried under hundreds of new ones ( the writer does not indicate whether or not the same pattern is Posted by Hey Trib , There 's something wrong with your Dear Abby linkage . . . . at first glace , it appears that she hasn 't posted anything new since , like , Monday . But we both know that 's not true . I found her Wednesday column , even though it wasn 't listed in the Abby section ! But others , including the shy teenager whose social skills Abby gently guided that day , might not . So for the sake of humanity , please ! Link it up . Thank you . B For your Sunday evening reading enjoyment , I direct you to one of my favorite Dear Abby columns of all time . I love it because it reminds me of my fiance , Sam , and how very easily this letter could have been written by him ( thankfully , there was no need ! ) . This letter was published last winter , many months before we got engaged , so I couldn 't really pass it around to people laughing and saying , " this reminds me of Sam ! " because I didn 't want to incur any bad relationship / engagement voodoo . But now all 's well , and here it is , in all its glory : DEAR ABBY : I admit it : I am scatterbrained . I 'm forgetful when it comes to events and information that affect me personally , although I have the odd ability to remember facts and trivia . It is a source of frustration and amusement to others that I can remember details about the Battle of Actium , but can also lose my car for several days because I forgot where I had it parked . Now things have gone from comical to critical . I had been planning to propose to my girlfriend of three years , and I have lost the engagement ring . I bought the stone some months ago . It 's a rare green sapphire that she helped select . I had it set without her knowledge a few weeks later . When the ring was completed , I hid it in a small space behind a drawer in my desk . This month I planned to pop the question . But today , when I looked behind the drawer , the ring was gone . The worst part is I don 't know if I moved it myself . Did I hide it somewhere else because I was afraid she might discover it ? Or did I take it out to look at it and forgot where I set it down ? My forgetfulness has caused friction between us before . I want to propose , but I don 't want our engagement to be forever associated with another irresponsible mistake on my part . What should I do ? - - FORGETFUL IN CHICAGODear Forgetful , I hope everything turned out all right . There is a special little place in my heart for guys like you , and a special big place for one of them in particular . Right . This blog is no place for schmoop , so away I go . Oh , P . SPosted by Today 's issue strikes close to home for me , since in some ways I recognize myself in the person the writer is complaining about . I also recognize one of my friend 's crazy roommates . . . and have to wonder . . . are we all truly nuts ? Or do the people who think we are just not understand us ? Let 's take a look . . . . . Today 's writer has this to say : DEAR ABBY : I 'm a 25 - year - old woman who moved in with a friend , " Natasha , " who is also 25 , after her boyfriend of seven years kicked her out three months ago . One of the conditions of my moving in was that I 'd get to use her car for work and errands because I 'd be moving out of my mother 's house and had shared Mom 's car . Well , I accidentally spilled a drink in Natasha 's car while I was using it , and she revoked my privilege to drive it . I 'm looking for a car of my own , but I have already spent a great deal of money to move in with Natasha and help her in her time of need . I understand that the car is Natasha 's property , and she can do with it as she pleases . But I 'm concerned that she went back on her word so quickly into our living situation . She has now started leaving me nasty , belittling little notes and is scathing with her choice of words . She refuses to talk to me and will communicate with me now only through writing . I 'd like to take the high road , but I 'm having a hard time finding it . Until now , I enjoyed living with her , and I don 't want to end our arrangement . How can I have backbone but still be a good friend and roommate ? - - STRANDED IN A SMALL TOWN IN ILLINOISI 'll be honest , I 'd probably be pretty pissed if a roommate was using my car , for free , on a daily basis , and then spilled something in it ( esp . in the driver 's seat ) . And , as Abby wisely suggests , I 'd probably stay annoyed unless or until it was cleaned " properly " - - no smell , no dampness , no stickiness , and as little stain as possible . I 'd probably also expect that the person wouldn 't drink in the car anymore , or at least that she 'd make a show of promising not to drink in the car anymore until an appropriate period oPosted by Here 's a treat ( a milkbone , to be specific ) : DEAR ABBY : I love dogs , but they 're ruining my marriage . " Ivan " and I have been together 12 years , married for five . Six years ago , he had to put his aged , sickly pointer , " Sergeant , " to sleep . Two years ago , I began suggesting that we get another dog . I felt Ivan had mourned Sergeant long enough , and it was time for another . We found a lovely King Charles spaniel that we named Lili . We spent a lot of fun time with her that spring and summer , then thought a playmate might be good company for her during the day while we were at work . We found Branford , another spaniel . At night we 'd put both dogs in the kitchen , tell them goodnight , put up a gate and go to bed . But Branford would cry . I told Ivan he 'd stop eventually , but Ivan couldn 't just leave him , so he began bringing the two dogs into our bedroom and allowing them to sleep at the foot of our bed . I have pleaded with Ivan to return them downstairs , but he won 't consider it . Guess where they 're sleeping today ? IN the bed . Guess where I 'm sleeping ? On the couch downstairs . We haven 't been out on a date since the dogs arrived . We don 't go out with friends because we must be back by 10 p . m . - - the dogs ' bedtime , and Ivan 's , too , of course . He is oblivious to me from the time he goes to bed with the dogs . We haven 't had sex in a year . Everything is about the dogs . He even prepares their meals from scratch each day - - boiled chicken with rice , peas and carrots . He says : " I told you I get attached to dogs . You said you wanted them ; this is what you have to deal with . " I am at my breaking point . Help ! - - ONLY HIS WIFE IN WILMINGTONYikes . I know people like this , but they aren 't married . . . . It makes me feel bad for the dogs . Don 't they just want to be left alone ? I mean , loved and played with , but not , like , tucked into their silken sheets at 10 p . m . each night ? My question is . . . how does this state come about ? Is it likely that people who are like this with their dogs were alone ( with their dogs ) for many years ? Are they lonely ? Posted by Today one of Abby 's writers had an important , but not uncommon problem : what to do when you leave your kids with a relative ( usually a grandparent ) and you learn the guardian has been drinking / smoking pot / going at the furniture with a chainsaw while in charge of the kids . Rightfully , the advice columnists typically point out that parents ' FIRST responsibility is to their children 's safety , not to keeping the peace among extended family , and that they must speak up and set boundaries , or not leave the children unattended in a place where they aren 't being , well , properly attended to . Today 's writer , though , didn 't give much evidence for her parents ' apparent indiscretion . Frankly , I 'm surprised she didn 't do a little more investigating herself before writing to a major newspaper columnist . Here 's her letter : DEAR ABBY : My parents recently took my kids for a " day with Grandma and Grandpa . " My children are 5 and 3 . When they returned home , they were driven by one of my siblings with Grandma in tow . My sibling stated that he was the " designated driver . " My husband and I are extremely upset that my parents chose to drink when they had our children in their care , and so extensively that they needed someone else to get the children home safely . We 'd like to discuss this with them and ask them not to consume alcohol when our children are with them . However , we are hesitant because of the conflict this may cause , and are concerned that they will feel that we 're attacking them . How should we approach this - - or is it best not to express our concern ? - - VACILLATING IN ARIZONASo . . . the only evidence that her parents were drinking was the brother 's statement that he was the " designated driver . " The term carries implications , sure . But the mom witnessed her mother at the scene . Did she seem intoxicated ? What else did the brother have to say ? Was he with them all day ? Or called in at the last minute to do chauffeur duty ? Do her parents have a history of making poor choices regarding drinking , or caring for small children ? To be honPosted by In most cases , we know , it 's practically impossible for an advice columnist to speak both specifically to a writer 's own situation , and also give insights for the masses . They can 't get all the information they need to lead the writer in the right direction based on three sentences in a letter . That 's why so often they fall back on " seek counseling " or , if the writer is a minor , " talk to a trusted adult . " These answers aren 't particularly helpful , but neither are they harmful . They 're not particularly satisfying to readers ( nor to the writers , I imagine ) , but at least it 's an answer . But there 's ( at least ) one area where columnists can be specific , while also broadly helpful to readers across all types of columns : giving people the words to bring up difficult , contentious , or embarrassing subjects with colleagues , partners , and , in today 's case , strangers on the subway . Today Miss Manners printed a letter from a woman frustrated with fellow commuters who take whole subway poles for themselves by leaning on them , preventing others from holding on : Is there a polite way to confront these violators ? After all , it is another breach of subway etiquette to speak to strangers ( unless there is an unusual event , of course ) . On the occasions when I have tried a gentle request not to lean , I have usually been met with hostility . Miss Manners assures her that there is , and it goes a little something like this : " Excuse me , may I hold on here please ? " So simple . . . yet so effective . For the rider who has been seething for years over this breach of transportetiquette and assault against her safety and personal rights , plotting in her bubbling brain the poster of subway rules she is going to passive aggressively and surreptitiously post throughout the city , such a simple , neutral request probably seems to come out of the blue . If she 's anything like me , she practiced it in her head over and over and over again . And tried it . And it worked . And , hopefully , it made her day . Miss Manners is great at these - - turning potential confrontations ofPosted by Several hours later : the advice columns are once again present on the Trib home page . Don 't know if this is the direct result of the email I sent to the Public Editor at about 7 a . m . ( 6 central ) , or if there was simply a techiglitch that has since been resolved . I prefer to think the former . . . . Dear Chicago Tribune , Every year , at least once a year , you seem to make some kind of effort to streamline your home page by removing the conveniently grouped links to the advice columnists . ( Or perhaps simply something goes wrong and this little chunk of code gets blocked out ? ) . They always reappear within in the week . So . Could you bring them back , like , right now ? Thanks , B For reasons unknown to me , many writers ( OK , I need some help standardizing my vocabulary here . . . when you see " writer , " do you think , the person with the question , or the columnist ? How should I differentiate between them in a concise and consistent way ? ) . . . Anyway . For reasons unknown to me , before they even ask their question , many advice seekers feel the need to qualify themselves , proving that they deserve an answer , a better lot in life than they 've got , and a shot at being printed ( albeit under alias ) in a syndicated column , by summarizing their perceived best qualities and major accomplishments . I see this most often in the love columns , especially Tales from the Front . People griping about their horrific romantic experiences want to know why they , intelligent , solvent , reliable , honest , affectionate , hilarious , well - traveled , loving dog - owners and community leaders , etc . , can 't find a decent date . This litany has the opposite effect on me than the seeker intends for it to have . I grow immediately suspicious and contemptuous , and can 't help but feel that the seeker doth protest too much . I sometimes write a critical letter about him or her to the columnist . But at least I understand why they 've chosen to include their resume - - it 's part of their question : " Given this , why not this ? " But today Amy featured a writer ( oops , there I go again ) who did the exact same thing , for no apparent reason . The advice seeker ( there MUST be a better term out there ) here is a middle - aged gay man in a long - term committed relationship . He has come out to everyone in his life except his elderly mother , and wonders whether or not he should , how he should approach the subject , and even wonders why his mother has never brought it up with him first . Inexplicably , his letter started like this : Dear Amy : I am a 45 - year - old man , own my own business , sit on the boards of several charities , and enjoy sports and travel . I am also gay , and I have been in a committed relationship for more than seven years . Um . . . congratulations on managing to be Posted by This blog follows the daily ( or weekly ) advice dispensed by some of the major advice columnists in my world - - and probably in yours too . I typically comment on the questions and answers , point out trends I 've noticed , and track anything I 've submitted and anything that 's been printed ( it happens , sometimes ! ) . Long term goals include exploring the concept of the advice column in general - - how it 's changed , what it does , etc . - - and commenting on books and movies featuring advice columns and columnists . I hope you 'll contribute your two cents - - what do you think of the problems plaguing society today , and the way our ( mostly female ) fearless advisors approach them ? Read something shocking , interesting , or hilarious ? I 'd also like to hear who you 're reading , and how you like them , so I can check them out !
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So after the lousy weather of yesterday , we were hoping for some better weather today . The schedule had us in port at Grand Cayman today . The evening before they had made an announcement that due to the weather , we weren 't going to be docking in Georgetown , but at another site and they would have shuttles to take us to town . I shouldn 't say docking , though , because at Grand Cayman there is no pier . You are brought ashore on tender boats . Once again I woke up early and I got on my running shoes with the intention to go run . I went up on deck to grab a cup of coffee and saw that we were approaching Grand Cayman and the sun was starting to rise . I stood up near the front of the ship and watched our approach , watched the sunrise and generally felt the beauty of the day . Next thing I knew I 'd been standing there for an hour . The scene was just gorgeous . There was even a huge rainbow in the sky , a full end to end rainbow . Unfortunately , because my intention was to run and not take photos , I have none of this morning . By the time I went back to the cabin and got my camera , the rainbow was gone and the sun was high enough that the moment had left . As we were approaching the harbor , I noticed the waves were really crashing against the island with tremendous force and all the little boats in the harbor were rolling around like crazy . It was shortly after that they announced that the port officials have closed the harbor and we would not be able to make the port that day . Instead we 'd head off to Cozumel and have an extra sea day . My wife was a bit disappointed because she 'd heard great things about the shopping in Grand Cayman . We didn 't have any excursions planned , but we were going to wander the town , find some lunch and enjoy the culture . I guess I dodged a bullet on that one , because shopping can be expensive . Instead we figured we 'd have a nice easy day on the ship . The girls had been begging us to go swimming since we boarded , so we put on our suits and headed to breakfast . We went to Parrot Cay for the buffet there rather than back up to Topsiders . It was at this breakfast that I discovered Muesli . Its probably not that good for you , but oh my how wonderful it tastes . Fruit , nuts , granola in milk ( or maybe cream , it was thick ) with honey . It was sweet and crunchy and delicious . My wife was a little disappointed because they didn 't have the crunchy hashbrowns here that they had upstairs , but breakfast was good . We headed to the pool and met up with our tablemates there . It was windy and chilly , but the girls had a good time . We started in the Mickey pool and they loved the slide there . They tried to go to the Goofy pool for a bit , but they didn 't like it so we went back to the Mickey pool . We ate lunch out there , tacos for the girls and some fruit and wraps for the adults . I found that the food on the pool deck was pretty good , better than I 'd expected . The only thing I didn 't like was the hamburgers , as they were overcooked . But hot dogs , tacos , chicken fingers , and a variety of wraps were all very tasty . They had plenty of fresh fruit too . Our friends all rushed off to go to the Character Dance Party at noon , where they were going to have a New Year 's Eve style countdown . We decided to skip that and instead went and showered the girls and changed them because there was a Mousekateers in Training class at the Kids Club at 1 . I was hoping that they 'd do a better job at Mouskateer training since Britney went through it , so I let the girls go . We sent them off to the club and we spent some nice relaxation time . I found a great spot on the deck by the adult pool and promptly fell asleep with my Kindle on my chest . The show this evening was Villains Tonight , which featured all the Villains from the different movies . This show was really funny . There was a lot of topical humor for the adults , and silly humor for the kids . Once again we played " spot Kera " and once again she didn 't disappoint . She played the one character who I had never seen before , the villain from Emperors New Groove which I 'd never seen . But , she killed it and was really funny . The girls decided that she must be a really good actor because she 's so sweet but she plays wicked people on stage . Tonight we had reservations for dinner at Palo , the adults only extra fee restaurant , so after the show we took the girls to Topsiders for dinner and then dropped them off at the club . Palo is a Northern Italian inspired restaurant and I 'd read nothing but rave reviews about it in all my preparation . Well , suffice it to say that it did not disappoint . Our service was top notch . Jelena from Croation took care of us and guides us through a delicious meal . She made some great suggestions for appetizers and dinner and we enjoyed them all . But , the coup de grace was dessert . They serve a chocolate souffle that is out of this world . I 'm not much of a chocolate lover , but this was outstanding . After a good 2 hours we were stuffed to the gills and thanks to the bottle of wine we were rocking as much as the boat . A fantastic experience . After dinner we were walking the deck to get some air and we ran into our friend who we met the day before in line for Mickey Mouse . She was getting pizza for her family and we started talking . We remembered this time to get her room number so that we could get together later in the cruise and of all the crazy coincidences , they were in the room we were originally supposed to have . It was really funny when she realized we were the Baker 's who 's luggage she got on the first day of the cruise . We had a good laugh for sure . We went to get the girls from the club but they were all playing a game of " where 's tink ? " so we stood by and watched . It was great to see them having a good time and really connecting with the other kids and counselors . I can 't say enough about how great every one of the youth staff were , taking the time to get to know our kids and going out of their way to make the trip special for them . One in particular named Coco was their favorite and was bombarded by hugs each time we went to pick them up . Interrupting the trip reports for a status update , if you will , on me and my blog . Its been a year since I started this blog , though it took me a while to figure out exactly what I wanted to do with it . My post on doping in cycling is still my number one most read post , but my recent posts on our cruise have been pretty well read also , since I linked them on the Disboards . I started using the blog as an accountability tool in my quest to start running and getting fit . While I haven 't been super regular , I am trying to keep this as up to date as possible . I plan to continue doing that over the next year and I 'll probably expand my posting to additional areas of interest as they come up . While I don 't like to make it a habit of looking back , sometimes you have to see where you 've come from to appreciate where you are . At the beginning of 2011 I weighed close to 320 lbs and was on the verge of being diagnosed with Diabetes . Of course , those who 've read my other posts ( and if you haven 't , you should go back before you read this ) know that I started to change my lifestyle after being diagnosed in March . I 'm proud to say that on Saturday December 31st I weighed 263lbs . Even more exciting for me , on that morning I ran 5 miles . A year ago I was winded from walking up a flight of stairs and now I can run 5 miles . I 've been reminded by many to make sure I take pride in those accomplishments and I do . More importantly , that pride is pushing me to achieve even more in the coming year . I have a couple of goals that I will be working to achieve in 2012 . First , I will work to lose 50 more pounds . These are not going to come off as easily as the first chunk , but I understand a lot more about my body now and about how I can lose that weight and keep my sanity . I have no doubt that I 'll be able to continue my downward trajectory . I 've mentioned this before , but it bears repeating . I started to workout and run because I wanted to help lose weight , but now I am going to focus on losing weight because its going to make my running that much better . I never would have thought that I 'd enjoy running the way that I do . Going back to Saturday 's run , it was really a cathartic moment for me . I 'd had a very stressful week and a very stressful night on Friday . Work had kept me up most of the night and I was frustrated . I got out on the greenway at around 10am and had already decided that my original plan of going for 3 miles wasn 't going to be enough . The weather was perfect , the sun was shining and there were plenty of other people out there enjoying their runs . Somewhere around the 2 mile mark I started feeling happy . I mean really really happy . I certainly wasn 't moving fast , but I felt like I was moving with ease . My legs felt strong , my heart felt strong , my lungs felt strong . I got to the 2 mile turnaround and decided I would go another half mile and then turn around . On the way back I suffered a bit , but still I kept going . As I got closer to the end I felt stronger and stronger . Not in my body , but in my mind . I wasn 't thinking about work , or about the people at work that made me upset . I was just thinking about how glorious the day was and how I was doing something I 'd never done before . My heart was filled with joy of being alive , of things bigger than work problems . I broke into a huge smile as I came up to the end of the trail . Fortunately nobody was watching or they would have thought I was nuts . I never would have imagined in August when I could barely run 200 yards that I 'd be running 5 miles by the end of the year . So from there I launch into 2012 . I 'm not foolish enough to believe that I can run 5 miles every time out , or even every week yet . But I plan to build my base mileage over the next 3 months to 15 a week and then build more . I want to run a 10K this spring and do the Peachtree in July . Ultimately , I 'd like to run 700 miles this year which is about a 13 . 5 mpw average . After the spring , I 'll assess how I feel and decide whether to go for a half marathon in the fall or wait until 2013 . I 'll have to see how fast I can get before I make that commitment . All in all , I 'm very excited for the coming year , and very happy about what I 've been able to do in the past year . I want to thank all of those who have supported me , my family and friends near and far . I honestly never thought that anyone would read this stuff , maybe just my mother and my mother in law , but unless they are reading 30 times a week , someone else must be out there too . Most of all I want to thank my wife , who has supported me this year through all of the changes I 've made and has inspired me to get healthy and be around a long long time . Day 3 started with the threat of some bad weather . Again I woke up earlier than the family and got out on deck to some beautiful skies and flat seas . Unfortunately they weren 't to last . Today was the first scheduled day at sea , and my wife and I had reservations for brunch at Palo at 10 : 30 . When we checked the daily newsletter the night before we saw that the Princess Gathering was scheduled for 11 : 30 this morning and we knew that we didn 't want to miss this . I called Guest Services to see if there would be another one on the later sea day , but while they could tell me that there would be a character meeting , they couldn 't guarantee who those characters would be . So our decision was to keep our reservation and risk going to the meeting later in the week , or miss Palo brunch in lieu of the Princess Gathering . It really wasn 't a decision , as meeting the Princesses was the number one reason for coming on this cruise for the girls . The family was still sleeping and I was wandering around the ship . I stopped by Guest Services to find out about changing my reservation and they said that someone would be at Palo at 9 . So I grabbed my Kindle and sat on our balcony for a while reading as I watched us sail into darker skies . I ran upstairs and grabbed a bite to eat and then went to cancel our reservation . I explained to the manager my situation and he graciously moved our reservation to the same time on the next sea day . I was so relieved . I went back to get the family and they were just waking up . By this time the rain had started . We went back upstairs to Topsiders for breakfast . After going through the line it was so crowded that we couldn 't find a table . A cast member led us out onto the pool deck and found a table under an overhang . While we were getting rained on , it was terribly we out there and the family was not happy . On top of this , one of my daughters refused to eat , saying she didn 't feel well . This did not bode well for the rest of the day . We went back to the room and the girls changed into their Princess dresses . You can 't go to a Princess gathering if you aren 't dressed as a Princess ! We have one Cinderella and one Belle . The gathering started at 11 : 30 and when we got to the deck 3 area at 11 : 15 the line was already tremendous . And on top of it all , the ship was rocking like nobody 's business . We tried to make the best of it , making friends with the families that were around us and generally trying to remain as pleasant as you we could . The were some cast members sent up and down to give information about the wait , which was looong . But they assured us that everyone would get to see the Princesses . We kept sane with the thought that if we were in the parks , every day would be filled with ridiculous lines like this , so we could deal with it for one morning . With the weather the way it was , its not like we were missing pool time . The time in line gave my daughter time to recover from her poor stomach and about an hour later we neared the front . it was completely amazing to watch my girls interact with the princesses . They were awestruck and couldn 't wait to hug each one . There was Aurora , Belle , Cinderella , Tiana and Snow White . Each Princess posed for pictures from both the ship photographer and from my own camera . They were all gracious and wonderful . Of course , if you remember from Saturday , my wife and I were on a mission to figure out if our wonderful assembly leader was a Princess . Well , when we got down to Snow White , the last in the line , we saw her . . . not as a Princess , but as one of the helpers . She was so sweet , calling out the girls ' names and giving them a big hug . My wife and I joked that we 'd expected her to be a Princess . She laughed and said she 's too tall to be one , but that we should look for her in tonight 's show . The girls were overjoyed at having met their favorite Princesses and the weather didn 't seem to matter anymore . We slipped into Lumiere 's and grabbed lunch . After lunch the girls wanted to go to the kids club , and who was I to stop them ! As for me , well I got to fulfill my greatest wish for the cruise . I grabbed my Kindle and found a deck chair near the adult pool . They had some wonderful loungers set up looking out at the sea . I read for a few minutes and fell into a wonderful nap . We didn 't have long to nap though , because we had tickets for Tea with Alice at 4 that afternoon . This was a cute little show where Alice talks about her trip down the rabbit hole and the girls get to drink tea ( apple juice ) and cookies . Earlier in line for the Princesses the girls made friends with a little girl named Sadie , and we saw her and her family there . The show was cute and we had a chance for pictures and more autographs after . After Alice it was rest time for the girls and time to get ready for the show and dinner . Showers and changing in the evening always seemed to be a challenging time for us . This was the toughest time for the girls , because they were getting tired but didn 't want to rest . We decided to divide and conquer . After I got ready I took one daughter downstairs and we wandered around while the other got ready with my wife . This was formal night , so everyone was all dressed up . While we were walking around , we ran smack dab into Minnie dressed for the evening . Minnie stopped for a photo and shortly after , we ran into Donald , who took the time for a picture and a quick dance . Of course , having only one girl there at the time was heartwrenching . Its hard to think of the other one missing out , but you have to feel joy for the one who 's there . We got to the theater early and were able to get seats in the third row . The show tonight was called " Twice Charmed " and was a re - working of the tale of Cinderella where the wicked step sisters are given a second chance at Prince Charming . Well , it didn 't take long for us to find our magic friend . . . she was one of the wicked step sisters . The show was wonderful and the girls got such a thrill out of seeing her up there on stage . She even gave them a little wink at the curtain call . After the show Mickey was out taking pictures in his tuxedo , so we stood in line to get a family picture with him . While in line we met a family and started talking . Turns out that the woman and I went to the same high school . She and my wife hit it off and we 'd run into them several times through the rest of the cruise . We got our picture with Mickey and then went off to Lumiere 's again for dinner . Everyone at the table looked great in their dressy clothes and once again we had a wonderful meal . All the girls had taken to having a Mickey ice cream bar for dessert everynight and the parents enjoyed a couple glasses of wine and each other 's company .
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I hadn 't seen a live person since I left town , and that day was not going to be an exception . If I did come into contact with anything on two legs , it was always a zombie , and I always outran it . I guess my hobby from the New Year came in handy , after all . It also helps that zombies don 't seem to be able to travel very quickly , as though they are actually drugged and trying to fight off the effects . Wouldn 't to be completely ridiculous if this whole thing started because people were testing a new sleeping aid that turned them into the undead ? I wish I knew more about why they exist . We were never taught in school , Mother would never answer my questions , and no one really liked to use the " z " word . It was always " the threat " or something equally off - putting , like this is all some stupid game . If it is a game , I want out . Sometimes it feels like I am winning , just because I am still in the game , but others I feel like I am losing because no matter how fast I run or how many zombies I manage to destroy , it never seems like I 've done enough . In any case , my memories of the time between leaving town and getting to my current location are blurry , as though they just mixed all together in a horrible massage / rinse / repeat cycle , but this might have been the first night it rained , and the first night that I thought I was going to die - not from being caught by my cannibalistic courters , but rather from exposure . I didn 't have much shelter in the trees , and was soaking wet by the time I secured my place of the evening . I tried to dry myself as best I could , and wrap my sleeping bag around myself to keep in as much heat as possible , but I barely slept . There was a tipping point where exhaustion beat out the immense chill in which I was enveloped , and I snoozed until the rain stopped , the sun came up and I could almost describe myself as dry when I woke up . Almost - I was dry to the touch , but the chill hadn 't left my bones . I walked that day , mostly to get my blood flowing again , and spent far too much time hoping that I wasn 't going to get sick . Thankfully , I don 't think I encountered anything I need to run from that day , or if I did , it was just out of range to hear me sneaking through the woods . I still had no idea where I was going . I hoped I wasn 't going in a circle . There wasn 't exactly a path to follow with a sign post declaring : " This Way To Safety " . I think it was utter helplessness that made me leave my town . There was nothing left for me there : no job , no family , likely no friends - just a house that had too many blood stains on its floors , intermingled with shame , guilt and hopelessness . Leaving was the best thing I could have done in that situation , but it didn 't mean that I knew what I was doing , where I was going or if I even had a plan . I still had lots of food , since I barely at , despite full knowledge that I needed the sustenance to keep myself going . I could barely stomach food when I did pause to eat , and I would force myself to eat as much as I could without throwing it all back up . There 's no point in wasting food that way . I guess my wish to travel was finally granted when I left my town and just started walking . I didn 't have any idea of where I was going . I spent that first night outside of the town half sleeping and half feeling like I was going to fall any minute suspended from several branches of a tree . I figured that I had never heard of a zombie climbing a tree , so being up high was a safe bet . It would have been more comfortable if I could have found something with a wider branch to put all my weight on , instead of strapping myself over two and praying that neither decided to break . That would have been a complete nightmare - tied to one branch still attached to a tree while dangling with the weight over another that had decided to leave the safety of the trunk . Although I broke " camp " as soon as it even looked like it might get light out , I guess I was lucky that I wasn 't dead . If my luck where horrible , I 'm sure fate would have figured out a good way to get rid of me that night . But I lived , and I am still here to write about it , even though solidifying the memory with pen and paper did not even cross my mind . I don 't think I thought about this journal at all for the first couple of weeks , and a guilt and shame washed over me when I remembered it . I honestly had forgotten if I had even packed it , and it was a strange moment of joy when I found it the bottom of my backpack . It was like finding an ally when I hadn 't seen a soul I cared to know in what felt like a lifetime . I felt guilt about abandoning my promise . I know that is stupid - I clearly had more pressing matters . I think it was more about the shame I felt of more people dying in my house . I brought that people into my house to make them safe , and even though they survived a massive breach in their home town , they all died under my roof . I didn 't want to write it down . Somehow it felt like I would be killing them all over again . I know I didn 't rip the flesh from their bones myself , and I know I took all the precautions I could possibly think of to keep that house like a fortress , but I will always hate that they came to my house for protection , but ended up dying there instead . It has taken a lot of thinking over the last few days for me to come to the conclusion that I need to write things down . Ellen , Penelope and Mandy need to be remembered , but I need to get them out of my head and onto these pages . I honestly hope that if Nick lived , he didn 't have to see Ellen that way . If I had been thinking at the time , I would have covered their bodies with something . It wouldn 't have made them any less dead , but it would have sheltered him from seeing pieces of the love of his life when he first walked in the door . I could have left a note , too , but what could I possibly say to him ? " She 's gone " doesn 't quite seem to do the trick . I don 't know if my shaking hands could have formed that many letters , anyway . I 've become a bit more successful at sleeping in trees since that first night . Every night , it has been a new location . I was smart of ration my food supply harshly , even though I was completely starving after that first day 's walk into the unknown and uncharted world of No Mans Land . I don 't always sleep in trees , and some nights I felt like I must have been sleeping with one eye open , but I 'm glad I 've found a place a little bit more permanent and comfortable , at least for the time being . I think I really needed this time to let my everlasting adrenaline take a break and actually sleep deeply . I figured I might get nightmares , but I slept like the dead for nearly 18 hours before waking , only to feast before going right back to sleep for another 12 hours . This was the day that I was able to sneak through the streets back to my own house , only to find that the zombies had finally breached it , which hadn 't happened since they murdered my Mother . What I found broke my heart . I couldn 't be completely , one hundred percent sure , but I think that Ellen , Penelope and Mandy all met their end in the living room . It was hard to tell , because no one was exactly whole , and I didn 't have faces to go by , but through my tearing eyes and the wave of vomit that added to the gore of my living room floor , I was able to recognize enough clothing for three women . I didn 't know how to cope . I know that I was strong when my Mother died , but back then I had help . Now , literally everyone I lived with was either missing or pieces of corpses on my living room floor . I didn 't think I would ever see someone I cared about dead on another floor in my house again , and to have absolutely all the other girls ripped apart and smeared into my carpet was too much for me to handle . I tore through the house , checking around corners for flesh - eaters that would like to end my life as well , and grabbed my large backpack from my room . I tossed a few changes of clothing into it , and this diary somehow made its way to the bottom of the pack over time , since I was not using it . I raided what I could from the kitchen , loaded up on water , and got the hell out . For once in my entire life , I didn 't lock the front door . I had managed to sleep the previous night in a house that had already been abandoned , after killing the one straggling zombie that followed me there . There were tons just coming around the corner when I plunged a stick of metal into its head and barred the door of the foreign household . Fortunately , the masses pressed past that neighbourhood by the morning , and I was able to escape and carefully pick my way back to my own house , a few blocks over . I saw no sign of Nick . I didn 't see anyone I recognized , although I did step over quite a few pieces of presumably different people . If it was one person , they were spread over three blocks , and I haven 't known zombies to waste flesh in a way that reminds me of an even more morbid Hansel and Gretel . I remember thinking to myself that maybe The Council had found an effective way to herd the zombies and get them out of town before destroying them , which would be better than having to kill them then do a check of each of the corpses in the streets . For all I know , they did just that . All I really know is I made it to the place I used to call home , found the rest of my roommates in various stages of decay , packed my bag and left . I located one of what I assume were several open parts of the town barricade , walked out and only looked back once , to make sure I wasn 't being followed . I remember letting my bag carelessly drop to my feet as I looked at my town . That was the farthest I had ever been from town limits in my life to that point . I could see parts of the town were on fire . I could hear people screaming . I could smell the stench of death . I remember crouching down , pulling the strap that keeps my sleeping bag in place a little tighter , swinging the bag back on my shoulder , and uttering " Goodbye , " as I turned on my heal and walked away . I don 't know if that piece of the world has gotten back on its collective feet . I have no way of knowing that unless I turned around and went back , but I decided in that moment that there was nothing left for me there anymore . Although Nick is in decent shape from lifting heavy building supplies , that is not the same thing as being fit enough to run around the field without gasping for air . I felt a little sorry for him , because I could tell he was trying really hard to show me up , but I literally ran circles around him . I guess I proved that my hobby does have a use - embarrassing guys who think they are more fit than me . I mean , he can lift more than I can , and I told him as much , but I think his pride was already wounded . The truth is , I wrote that last paragraph nearly a month ago . It is now April 30th , and I haven 't written a word in all this time because I wasn 't able to . I didn 't just stop because life got busy or my hobbies got in the way . I stopped because while we were walking back to the house after our running session , we encountered a breach of the barricade that makes the last one look like a few zombies just happened to wander into our town . We didn 't even make it home . Truth be told , the last time I saw Nick , he was running inches from the bloody fingernails of a couple of zombies . I don 't know if he made it . All I really know for sure at the point is that I am still alive . I made a commitment to write a page each day in this diary for a year , as a tribute to Rich . I want to keep writing that page a day , but obviously I have some catching up to do before I get back to being current . I feel like I need to do this , not just for the memory of one person who ended up meaning a lot to me , but every person I know who has died at the hands of the undead . Writing in this diary helps me remember that I am still alive . It is hard to think about what has brought me to this exact moment in life , but I know that I have to keep going , and to keep myself going , I need to cling to this one extremely human act of writing things down . Who knows - if I am killed , maybe my words will help future generations understand what the hell is happening in my screwed up timeframe . Either that , or my words will be drowned in a puddle of mud , blood and sorrow . Right now , I have to believe that my journal and I will make it through this whole ordeal . I have to believe that some day will come where I stop having to run for my life , and can maybe entertain the thought of running for fun again . I haven 't been in quite the state of mind to time myself lately , but I think I 've gotten faster over the last month or so . If any of the Running Club members are alive , and I see them ever again , I 'll bring it up as a conversation starter . It is good to be able to put words down again . I haven 't felt the urge , will or want to do so until now . I think that is because I am relatively safe here , and want to rediscover what it feels like to stop being so scared and alone . I haven 't had need for words in a very long time - it feels like longer than it has been since the breach that ripped my town completely apart - but I crave them endlessly in this moment . For all I know , I will be caught up on all the entries I missed before the sun comes back up .
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We travelled back from Prees Junction stopping for the night near Lyneal Wharf where it 's very quiet . There was a boat already moored in our spot so we pulled in behind them leaving a good space between us . As they kept their engine running for hours - still going at 11pm - we were glad we weren 't too close . On Monday morning we moved on with Ben and I walked as far as Ellesmere Tunnel . We didn 't meet anyone walking on the towpath . We walked alongside Blakemere where I spied NB Spadger with Ian on board , who came out for a chat . Eric moored up the boat to have a chat too . We 've finally arrived back in Ellesmere with our first stop being the BW services and then we moored up next to Alan and Eiddwen on NBShush . We 're waiting to go in the dry dock so we won 't be going anywhere until both boats have had their bottoms blacked as Alan and Eric are helping each other with the work . Ben and I have been walking in familiar haunts . Today we walked through the nature reserve and over the hill to the Mere to enjoy a walk alongside the lake itself . Ben couldn 't resist a drink of water as usual in went the feet too . It was a lovely walk with only a few dogs and owners out on their walks . There were lots of waggy tails as the dogs met and the owners said good morning too . Back on the boat Ben wanted to play ball - I just needed a cup of coffee . Wood Anemones Marsh Marigolds CowslipsOn Friday We decided to travel as far as Prees Junction as Eric wanted to do a bit of painting and the low sides of the canal meant the all the gunnels were visible . Before we set off I took Ben for a walk across the fields hoping to find the remains of Pan Castle - a motte and bailey . The footpaths weren 't that visible with ploughed and planted fields so I followed the arrows but they fizzled out and I couldn 't find the remains . Never mind Ben enjoyed his walk and it was a change for me to be on the boat when we were moving . We had a couple of lift bridges to go through but we were soon moored up at the visitor moorings and we had a lazy afternoon . Saturday morning came and the sun was shining so while Eric painted the gunnels I took Ben for a walk down the Prees Arm to the part where boats can 't go and nature can flourish . We found some lovely flowers including cowslips , wood anemones and marsh marigolds and I took a few photos . Ben enjoyed his run and we only met one man and his dog so it was lovely and quiet . All you could hear was the the birds ! Peace And Quiet ! On Thursday we had to move ( on 48 hour moorings ) so we backed up the boat to get some water and use the services before we headed off back towards Whitchurch . I also bought milk and bread ( in the Cafe / Shop ) to keep us going until we reached Ellesmere . I didn 't want to walk into Whitchurch and carry milk back to the boat . Ben and I walked alongside the boat in lovely sunshine and got back on after going through the first lift bridge as we needed to get coal and gas at Whitchurch marina on the other side of the canal . We pulled alongside one of the Viking Afloat boats and a helpful man came to see what we wanted . Soon he 'd taken the empty gas and got us a full one and brought the bags of coal in a wheelbarrow . After paying the bill we left Whitchurch behind , Ben and I got off and walked to do the next two lift bridges and continuing until we came to good mooring spot a bit further on . A good mooring has no road nearby and good satellite reception - we are easily pleased . Nearly A Shiny Boat ! On Tuesday we moved from Whitchurch just as far as Grindley Brook and Eric had turned around before Ben and I got there . I stopped to talk to a couple from Llanelli who moor their boat at Whixall and were out for the weekend . The welsh flag on the boat had started the conversation . We stopped briefly near the services and then moved up to the waterpoint to fill up with water . The water tank took an age to fill up and then we moved up to the 48 hour moorings . We stayed put on Wednesday as Eric wanted to wash and polish the other side of the boat as well as cleaning the accumulated dirt on the front deck . Ben was waiting for me to play ball but we went for a long walk instead . We walked back up to the bridge over the canal leading into a Woodland Trust called Danson 's Wood and followed the well worn paths and ended up crossing a road ( A41 ) following footpaths we 'd discovered the day before . Ben had a great time jumping stiles ! With the boat is moored on the 48 hour moorings we decided to stay put as Eric had a few jobs he wanted to do on the boat . It 's quite noisy here with an A road nearby so I resorted to ear plugs at bedtime and had a really good sleep . We 've been finding cruising tiring after our winter break so it was nice to stay put . I 'd forgotten how many turns it takes to raise and lower the lift bridges . I decided to follow some well worn footpaths and find out where they went and Ben and I enjoyed some lovely walks where he could run free through empty fields , although I had to put in on a lead through two fields of horses - he sometimes barks at these ' big dogs ' ! I followed one route and ended up coming down to the sign showing I 'd been to Dobson 's Farm and then along a path I 'd walked before back to the Whitchurch Arm of the canal . Ben decided he wanted a drink and found a pond and jumped in - he didn 't expect it to be deep but he had his drink and climbed out and shook his very wet coat . We retraced our steps and walked back up over the hill back to the boat and Ben had dried out by the time we got back . Posted by Today we planned a quiet day near Prees Junction with no cruising . I set off walking with Ben down the Prees Branch and we met dogs everwhere and Ben had a play with some of them . We were out nearly two hours and returned to the boat just in time to put the chicken in the oven for lunch . Eric was busy polishing one side of the boat - I don 't believe it - the bottle had remained unopened for so long . Anyway by the smell of the gas we 'd have to change the bottle soon and it decided to run out in the middle of roasting the chicken . Eric changed over to the other bottle and we then had no gas at all - even though the bottle was full . It turned out that the pipe had died connecting the bottle to the regulator . We needed gas to cook the lunch and keep us in tea and coffee . I rang Whitchurch Marina ( home of Viking Afloat ) and we were in luck as they had the pipe we needed but it was two hours away by boat . We pulled in at Viking Afloat and collected the pipe and Eric fitted it - Yes we have gas ! We cooked the chicken and Sunday Lunch became our evening meal , so everything turned out OK in the end . We had cruised in lovely sunshine enjoying the wild life on the way . Cowslips , wood anemones , celandines and bursting buds galore - spring has sprung ! We also saw a pair of kingfishers , one of which remained on his perch as we passed by . When we finally moored up we watched a pair of unusual birds in the field opposite - out came the bird book to identify them as sandpipers . Maybe we 'll have a quiet day to - morrow . Dad & IMy dad celebrated his 83rd birthday yesterday with a meal at ' The Greyhound ' . This is the only picture taken of us together and I managed to close my eyes with the flash ! Never mind it 's a nice one of him . It 's always great to have a get together for a happy occasion . Auntie Clare With GwenllianGwenllian joinied in with singing of Happy Birthday after she 'd sampled Clare 's scampi ! She was also on the look out for cucumber or tomatoes even though she 'd had her tea earlier . It was a pity there wasn 't a high chair or children 's menu and we hadn 't thought to ask when it was booked . She enjoyed her icecream with chocolate sauce when we all sampled the dessert menu though . Dilys & I Dilys & WendyOn Wednesday I travelled to Newport by bus and train from Ellesmere . I arrived just in time for lunch and met up with friends Dilys and Wendy who I first met about twenty years ago . We had all chosen to wear something green - hence the title shades of green . We enjoyed a lovely meal at the new Wetherspoons in Bridge Treat - I had a curry with chapatis and naan bread . We had a great catch up as I hadn 't seen them for a few months . Next stop was the chemists to pick up three months supply of medication but unfortunately that didn 't happen until two days letter as the prescriptions hadn 't even been printed or signed even though they 'd been ordered by post well in advance . I had to chase up the prescriptions , arrange for them to be collected by the chemist and then wait for the chemist 's order to arrive . Luckily I was able to pick the supplies up on the way to the station , so now we 're OK for another three months . Posted by Waiting For Me ! Today has been a busy one for us . First thing this morning I rang Blakemere Veterinary Centre in Ellesmere to arrange Ben 's boosters and they fitted us in this afternoon . We decided to get Ben micro chipped at the same time and he was a very good boy at the vets - he even gave him a lick ! Eric had a much needed haircut losing the long wavy bits . The barber told me that the hairdresser ( Ceri 's ) was open next door when I complained that everyone I 'd visited was shut on Monday . I am very pleased with my cut too as she listened and cut it how I like it . I am going to Newport this week for my dad 's 83rd birthday and my hair was driving me crazy as it needed a cut . We also did a bit of shopping on the way back to the boat so that Eric wouldn 't go hungry while I was away . Ben and I also had a lovely walk - Ben remembered the way we usually go and it was just a case of follow that dog and stopping him when I needed to put him on a lead . He thoroughly enjoys the Nature Reserve near the canal - running along the pathways and coming back to make sure I 'm still walking . Moored Up Below Aston Top LockWe left the lovely Montgomery Canal this morning after a pleasant cruise from Queen 's Head . Alan and Eiddwen on NB Shush are staying there another week , so we said goodbye for now . Ben and I walked a few miles with the boat although Eric cursed me when the boat got stuck in the mud when he pulled in to let us walk . He had to use a long pole in the end as he was really stuck ! We stopped on the Weston Arm to use the services including getting rid of a weeks rubbish - this is the only BW skip on this canal . Then we went up the four locks with the help of the lock keeper . At the top were some more boats waiting to come down the flight including a pair of hotel boats . We headed towards Ellesmere and there were loads of boats cruising in the sunshine and many more went past after we moored up just before the 48 hour moorings opposite the BW Services . It 's the busiest I have ever seen Ellesmere - it must be the sunshine bringing everybody out . Posted by We moved from Maesbury Marsh up through two locks to moor up just below Aston Top Lock . It was a lovely cruise with beautiful weather and BW had removed the offending branch so we passed by without any mishaps this time . We passed the Nature Reserve alongside Aston Bottom Lock and planned to go for a walk down there later on . You can access it from Aston Middle Lock as well . There 's also another smaller nature reserve by Aston Top Lock . Alan and Eiddwen on NB Shush were moored at Queen 's Head and Alan came down to see us in the afternoon . We decided to stay put until Sunday so we changed our passage booked through the locks from Saturday to Sunday . On Friday we popped into Oswestry on the bus to get some fresh food - there 's a big Morrisons by the bus station . NB Shush came down one lock in the afternoon and moored up with us - so we had a good catch up . NB Felicitas moored up as well - their from Cardiff so it was three welsh boats together . It 's such a pleasant place to stop and it 's so dark here at night you can see loads of stars you don 't usually see . Ben likes it too as we 're not far away from Aston Nature Reserve which is a good place for a walk . Walking along the towpath on this canal there are wild flowers galore including primroses , wood anemones , celandines and a few cowslips . There 's a pair of pheasants near our mooring and in the night there are some very noisy frogs - one boater thought it sounded like a duck with a cold ! Swans But No Powered Boats Yet ! In Water ( But No Powered Boats Yet ) Restoration In Progress ( Between Bridges 82 to 83 ) Hedge Laying ( Between Bridge 82 & 83 ) Just A Ditch ( Beyond Bridge 83 ) Today with the weather warm and sunny , Ben and I set off to explore the restoration work going on below Maesbury Marsh . We walked past the new section already in water and negotiated the swans without too much hassle . I also saw the lovely hedge laying carried out with the help of Nick and Liz off NB Henry . I took a load of photos as Eric wanted to see how things were getting on but also needed to take advantage of the good weather to finish a bit of painting . Underneath the brass thing which protects the boat from the rope ( what 's it called ? ) had gone all rusty so he needed to sort it out . We 'd already had water in the boat onto the galley worktops via the screw holes so they had been taped over and when he took the tape off the paint he 'd already done came off too . He wasn 't a happy bunny ! After my enjoyable walk we decided to go as far as we could and turn around to go back up to Queen 's Head near where Alan and Eiddwen on NB Shush are moored for a few days . I jumped off the boat to work the lift bridge leaving it open while Eric turned the boat around to come back through . Luckily for me no cars arrived until the bridge was safely down again . It takes a lot of turns to get it up and down and I didn 't want to have to do it twice . So we 've got two locks to do today and we 'll moor below the top lock as it 's much quieter than mooring at Queen 's Head itself . A good place to stop with a regular bus service to Shrewsbury and Oswestry if the need for retail therapy arises . Our cupboards are well stocked so it 's only a need for bread , milk and fresh fruit and vegetables that takes me shopping . Heading for the next lockEntering Aston Middle LockWe woke this morning to rain and delayed moving until it stopped . Maggie and Bernie passed by on NB Blue Diamond going the other way . Ben couldn 't wait to get out for his walk as I headed off with the windlass to get the lock ready for Eric . The lock was full because NB Blue Diamond has used it to come up but a boater emptied it even though our boat was in view and I was walking towards it with the windlass in my hand . Eric pulled in and waited for them to work through the lock . We worked the final two locks and headed for Maesbury - unfortunately a low branch of a fallen tree didn 't let us pass without trying to remove various things from the roof . Eric really couldn 't get away from it due to a moored boat just before the fallen tree . We were lucky we only lost a flowerpot . After using the services we carried on a little further to Maesbury Marsh where we moored up not far from the Cafe . There 's not far to go now before we have to turn around as the next section is in water but not yet open to boats as the bank vegetation needs chance to grow and they haven 't reached the next winding hole . The restoration work is ongoing and one day it will join up with the next navigable section of the canal but it 's a lot of work so it 's a very slow process . Yesterday the boat stayed put as the wind was blowing really hard and we didn 't fancy moving anyway . I took Ben for a walk to Maesbury Marsh and back about four miles taking two hours - I 'm not a speedy walker . We arrived to fine the cafe and shop but no post office anymore and not even a stamp for sale . The shop sold milk , bacon , frozen pies amongst other things but no bread , biscuits and no chocolate ! I was disappointed . We managed to find a post box in the wall of a stone cottage not far from the Navigation public house with the help of directions from a local but I still need some more stamps . Today ( Tuesday ) we are off to find a shop near Queen 's Head we 've been told about , whether it sells what we need is another matter . ( chocolate ! ) We found the shop about twenty five minutes from Queen 's Head in a little village called West Felton - it had what we wanted other than decent apples including chocolate ! I managed to get a book of stamps so I could post some letters in the post box in the shop wall . Not moving again today - perhaps to - morrow . Waiting at Frankton LocksBen waiting too ! This morning we woke up to a bit of sun . It 's still cold though due to the cold wind . We were going down the Frankton Locks onto Montgomery Canal . I can remember coming here when my girls were very young when the locks went nowhere as there was no water below the first lock . We walked down the bed of the canal through the first canal bridge ( Bridge 70 ) wondering when the water would flow again . The bridge numbering is confusing because Bridge 1 is near Hurleston on the Llangollen Canal and the numbers continue on down the Montgomery Canal to make the first bridge number 70 . The bridge numbers start again with 1W at Frankton Junction until Bridge 49 at the Horseshoe Falls at Berwyn . Colin the lock keeper was as usual working one side of each lock and carefully managing the water so none was wasted . Today ten boats went down so we stayed at our mooring just around the corner from the junction waiting for the other boats to go and finally went down last . I went round to have a look at the boats going down and met a couple on NB Lola with their two dogs . Ben was recognised by them as they read my blog . My apologies I didn 't think to ask your names . We stopped at the Weston Arm to use the facilities , and we ate lunch while the water filled . We couldn 't stay there anyway because there was no room to moor as the other boats were spaced out . We went through Graham Palmer Lock dropping down a few feet and began the slow passage down towards Queen 's Head and Aston Locks . We stopped below the first lock on the armco as it 's much quieter than mooring near roads at Queen 's Head and we knew we could also get a satellite signal . I am feeling shattered today with all this fresh air and working six locks - I really am not used to working locks after our winter rest ! NB Bendigedig Leaving HindfordWe left Jack Mytton 's in sunshine - what a change in the weather from the bitterly cold day on Friday . I walked with the boat so Ben could have a good run as it was only an hour to our next planned stopping point at Bridge 1W ready to go down on the Montgomery Canal on Sunday . While walking we met a boater who recognised Ben and gave him a treat . I rang BW and prebooked our passage through the locks although the person who answered the phone told me I had to ring on the day . I told her we had always booked our passage before the day and I wanted to book it for Sunday and she finally put we through to the person taking the bookings , who said it 's a good idea to book it ahead as they only allow 12 boats down the locks and 12 boats up the locks between 12 and 2pm . So we 're moored up here , having a lazy afternoon . Hitching a ride ! We left our mooring near Chirk Marina and set off towards Hindford going firstly through Chirk Tunnel and then across Chirk Aqueduct . Lots of people out walking but few boats were travelling even though we didn 't set off until 11am . Ben and I had a good walk although it was bitterly cold and Eric stayed not far in front with the boat slowing down so I could keep up . He had two pairs of gloves and his hands were still cold ! It 's great to be out cruising again but it 'll be even better when we get some warmer weather . The photo shows the pair of ducks who flew onboard and hitched a ride in Chirk . They made us smile as they waddled along the roof of the boat . At Poacher 's Pocket Alan & Eiddwen on NB Shush spotted us coming towards them and we had a quick chat before continuing on our journey . Next we came to New Marton Locks - the first locks of the year . The lady in the cottage next to the Top Lock was out clearing the weir with a rake and came over to help us through the lock and we had a good chat too . It was a bit windy so we took care approaching the bottom lock as it 's very open and if the wind is blowing off the towpath side it 's hard to get the boat in , but today it was fine . We didn 't need to stop for water today as we knew we could get some down on the Montgomery Canal on Sunday . We moored up just before Jack Mytton 's where we knew we could get a good satellite signal - I wanted to watch ' Ashes to Ashes ' on television . Moored just behind us was NB Spadger and NB Wild Phoenix who had spent the winter at Llangollen too . Leaving the last narrow section near Bryn Howell Going to turn around in the mooring basinThis morning we filled up with water , unhooked the electric , lifted the fenders , started the engine and finally untied the ropes - we were on our way . I walked with Ben up towards the mooring basin to make sure there wasn 't a boat coming through the narrow section . All clear so Eric went up there to turn around so we were pointing in the right direction to leave Llangollen and begin cruising again . There are two more narrow sections of canal with one way cruising only so Ben and I walked ahead to the end of the first narrow section to stop any boats going in it once were in that section . Maggie from NB Blue Diamond was walking too , as they were following us with NB Shush following them . The towpath was dire with thick squelchy mud so it was difficult to walk and Ben got so filthy he had to have a wash . he wasn 't too keen on putting his feet in a bowl of warm water . He 's more used to a wash with a hose pipe ! We managed to get through the narrow sections without having to wait and very soon we were at Trevor turning right to go over the Pontycysyllte Aqueduct . We only had one lift bridge to go through which was already opened by a boat in front and the three boats passed through leaving Eiddwen with the job of lowering the bridge which meant using a windlass to wind it down - hard going after a winter rest . Shortly afterwards we pulled over near Chirk Marina with the NB Shush and NB Blue Diamond passing by as they wanted to go a bit further before they moored up . After lunch Ben and I went for a short walk along the towpath which had a few very muddy sections before returning to the boat . I had to wash his feet and legs again - they were so muddy ! I retired from primary teaching in 2006 and am now living afloat with my husband Eric on our narrowboat called ' Bendigedig ' . The name means wonderful . After ten years afloat we are still enjoying life . For several years we wintered in Llangollen in north Wales and then spent seven months cruising mainly canals with occasional rivers . Two years ago things changed as we felt we needed a home , somewhere to leave the boat when we needed to be in Newport . We now have a residential mooring at Whixall Marina which is lovely and quiet away from noisy roads and trains . We will use it as a base to cruise from when we get itchy feet in the Summer months . If we don 't want to cruise it 's great to have a home . We needed a car so we aren 't totally cut off from the world , which also makes visiting our family so much easier . Although Ben the dog has been less active since he had meningitis he still enjoys life with us on the boat and loves to be out and about sniffing new smells on much shorter walks .
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We travelled back from Prees Junction stopping for the night near Lyneal Wharf where it 's very quiet . There was a boat already moored in our spot so we pulled in behind them leaving a good space between us . As they kept their engine running for hours - still going at 11pm - we were glad we weren 't too close . On Monday morning we moved on with Ben and I walked as far as Ellesmere Tunnel . We didn 't meet anyone walking on the towpath . We walked alongside Blakemere where I spied NB Spadger with Ian on board , who came out for a chat . Eric moored up the boat to have a chat too . We 've finally arrived back in Ellesmere with our first stop being the BW services and then we moored up next to Alan and Eiddwen on NBShush . We 're waiting to go in the dry dock so we won 't be going anywhere until both boats have had their bottoms blacked as Alan and Eric are helping each other with the work . Ben and I have been walking in familiar haunts . Today we walked through the nature reserve and over the hill to the Mere to enjoy a walk alongside the lake itself . Ben couldn 't resist a drink of water as usual in went the feet too . It was a lovely walk with only a few dogs and owners out on their walks . There were lots of waggy tails as the dogs met and the owners said good morning too . Back on the boat Ben wanted to play ball - I just needed a cup of coffee . Wood Anemones Marsh Marigolds CowslipsOn Friday We decided to travel as far as Prees Junction as Eric wanted to do a bit of painting and the low sides of the canal meant the all the gunnels were visible . Before we set off I took Ben for a walk across the fields hoping to find the remains of Pan Castle - a motte and bailey . The footpaths weren 't that visible with ploughed and planted fields so I followed the arrows but they fizzled out and I couldn 't find the remains . Never mind Ben enjoyed his walk and it was a change for me to be on the boat when we were moving . We had a couple of lift bridges to go through but we were soon moored up at the visitor moorings and we had a lazy afternoon . Saturday morning came and the sun was shining so while Eric painted the gunnels I took Ben for a walk down the Prees Arm to the part where boats can 't go and nature can flourish . We found some lovely flowers including cowslips , wood anemones and marsh marigolds and I took a few photos . Ben enjoyed his run and we only met one man and his dog so it was lovely and quiet . All you could hear was the the birds ! Peace And Quiet ! On Thursday we had to move ( on 48 hour moorings ) so we backed up the boat to get some water and use the services before we headed off back towards Whitchurch . I also bought milk and bread ( in the Cafe / Shop ) to keep us going until we reached Ellesmere . I didn 't want to walk into Whitchurch and carry milk back to the boat . Ben and I walked alongside the boat in lovely sunshine and got back on after going through the first lift bridge as we needed to get coal and gas at Whitchurch marina on the other side of the canal . We pulled alongside one of the Viking Afloat boats and a helpful man came to see what we wanted . Soon he 'd taken the empty gas and got us a full one and brought the bags of coal in a wheelbarrow . After paying the bill we left Whitchurch behind , Ben and I got off and walked to do the next two lift bridges and continuing until we came to good mooring spot a bit further on . A good mooring has no road nearby and good satellite reception - we are easily pleased . Nearly A Shiny Boat ! On Tuesday we moved from Whitchurch just as far as Grindley Brook and Eric had turned around before Ben and I got there . I stopped to talk to a couple from Llanelli who moor their boat at Whixall and were out for the weekend . The welsh flag on the boat had started the conversation . We stopped briefly near the services and then moved up to the waterpoint to fill up with water . The water tank took an age to fill up and then we moved up to the 48 hour moorings . We stayed put on Wednesday as Eric wanted to wash and polish the other side of the boat as well as cleaning the accumulated dirt on the front deck . Ben was waiting for me to play ball but we went for a long walk instead . We walked back up to the bridge over the canal leading into a Woodland Trust called Danson 's Wood and followed the well worn paths and ended up crossing a road ( A41 ) following footpaths we 'd discovered the day before . Ben had a great time jumping stiles ! With the boat is moored on the 48 hour moorings we decided to stay put as Eric had a few jobs he wanted to do on the boat . It 's quite noisy here with an A road nearby so I resorted to ear plugs at bedtime and had a really good sleep . We 've been finding cruising tiring after our winter break so it was nice to stay put . I 'd forgotten how many turns it takes to raise and lower the lift bridges . I decided to follow some well worn footpaths and find out where they went and Ben and I enjoyed some lovely walks where he could run free through empty fields , although I had to put in on a lead through two fields of horses - he sometimes barks at these ' big dogs ' ! I followed one route and ended up coming down to the sign showing I 'd been to Dobson 's Farm and then along a path I 'd walked before back to the Whitchurch Arm of the canal . Ben decided he wanted a drink and found a pond and jumped in - he didn 't expect it to be deep but he had his drink and climbed out and shook his very wet coat . We retraced our steps and walked back up over the hill back to the boat and Ben had dried out by the time we got back . Posted by Today we planned a quiet day near Prees Junction with no cruising . I set off walking with Ben down the Prees Branch and we met dogs everwhere and Ben had a play with some of them . We were out nearly two hours and returned to the boat just in time to put the chicken in the oven for lunch . Eric was busy polishing one side of the boat - I don 't believe it - the bottle had remained unopened for so long . Anyway by the smell of the gas we 'd have to change the bottle soon and it decided to run out in the middle of roasting the chicken . Eric changed over to the other bottle and we then had no gas at all - even though the bottle was full . It turned out that the pipe had died connecting the bottle to the regulator . We needed gas to cook the lunch and keep us in tea and coffee . I rang Whitchurch Marina ( home of Viking Afloat ) and we were in luck as they had the pipe we needed but it was two hours away by boat . We pulled in at Viking Afloat and collected the pipe and Eric fitted it - Yes we have gas ! We cooked the chicken and Sunday Lunch became our evening meal , so everything turned out OK in the end . We had cruised in lovely sunshine enjoying the wild life on the way . Cowslips , wood anemones , celandines and bursting buds galore - spring has sprung ! We also saw a pair of kingfishers , one of which remained on his perch as we passed by . When we finally moored up we watched a pair of unusual birds in the field opposite - out came the bird book to identify them as sandpipers . Maybe we 'll have a quiet day to - morrow . Dad & IMy dad celebrated his 83rd birthday yesterday with a meal at ' The Greyhound ' . This is the only picture taken of us together and I managed to close my eyes with the flash ! Never mind it 's a nice one of him . It 's always great to have a get together for a happy occasion . Auntie Clare With GwenllianGwenllian joinied in with singing of Happy Birthday after she 'd sampled Clare 's scampi ! She was also on the look out for cucumber or tomatoes even though she 'd had her tea earlier . It was a pity there wasn 't a high chair or children 's menu and we hadn 't thought to ask when it was booked . She enjoyed her icecream with chocolate sauce when we all sampled the dessert menu though . Dilys & I Dilys & WendyOn Wednesday I travelled to Newport by bus and train from Ellesmere . I arrived just in time for lunch and met up with friends Dilys and Wendy who I first met about twenty years ago . We had all chosen to wear something green - hence the title shades of green . We enjoyed a lovely meal at the new Wetherspoons in Bridge Treat - I had a curry with chapatis and naan bread . We had a great catch up as I hadn 't seen them for a few months . Next stop was the chemists to pick up three months supply of medication but unfortunately that didn 't happen until two days letter as the prescriptions hadn 't even been printed or signed even though they 'd been ordered by post well in advance . I had to chase up the prescriptions , arrange for them to be collected by the chemist and then wait for the chemist 's order to arrive . Luckily I was able to pick the supplies up on the way to the station , so now we 're OK for another three months . Posted by Waiting For Me ! Today has been a busy one for us . First thing this morning I rang Blakemere Veterinary Centre in Ellesmere to arrange Ben 's boosters and they fitted us in this afternoon . We decided to get Ben micro chipped at the same time and he was a very good boy at the vets - he even gave him a lick ! Eric had a much needed haircut losing the long wavy bits . The barber told me that the hairdresser ( Ceri 's ) was open next door when I complained that everyone I 'd visited was shut on Monday . I am very pleased with my cut too as she listened and cut it how I like it . I am going to Newport this week for my dad 's 83rd birthday and my hair was driving me crazy as it needed a cut . We also did a bit of shopping on the way back to the boat so that Eric wouldn 't go hungry while I was away . Ben and I also had a lovely walk - Ben remembered the way we usually go and it was just a case of follow that dog and stopping him when I needed to put him on a lead . He thoroughly enjoys the Nature Reserve near the canal - running along the pathways and coming back to make sure I 'm still walking . Moored Up Below Aston Top LockWe left the lovely Montgomery Canal this morning after a pleasant cruise from Queen 's Head . Alan and Eiddwen on NB Shush are staying there another week , so we said goodbye for now . Ben and I walked a few miles with the boat although Eric cursed me when the boat got stuck in the mud when he pulled in to let us walk . He had to use a long pole in the end as he was really stuck ! We stopped on the Weston Arm to use the services including getting rid of a weeks rubbish - this is the only BW skip on this canal . Then we went up the four locks with the help of the lock keeper . At the top were some more boats waiting to come down the flight including a pair of hotel boats . We headed towards Ellesmere and there were loads of boats cruising in the sunshine and many more went past after we moored up just before the 48 hour moorings opposite the BW Services . It 's the busiest I have ever seen Ellesmere - it must be the sunshine bringing everybody out . Posted by We moved from Maesbury Marsh up through two locks to moor up just below Aston Top Lock . It was a lovely cruise with beautiful weather and BW had removed the offending branch so we passed by without any mishaps this time . We passed the Nature Reserve alongside Aston Bottom Lock and planned to go for a walk down there later on . You can access it from Aston Middle Lock as well . There 's also another smaller nature reserve by Aston Top Lock . Alan and Eiddwen on NB Shush were moored at Queen 's Head and Alan came down to see us in the afternoon . We decided to stay put until Sunday so we changed our passage booked through the locks from Saturday to Sunday . On Friday we popped into Oswestry on the bus to get some fresh food - there 's a big Morrisons by the bus station . NB Shush came down one lock in the afternoon and moored up with us - so we had a good catch up . NB Felicitas moored up as well - their from Cardiff so it was three welsh boats together . It 's such a pleasant place to stop and it 's so dark here at night you can see loads of stars you don 't usually see . Ben likes it too as we 're not far away from Aston Nature Reserve which is a good place for a walk . Walking along the towpath on this canal there are wild flowers galore including primroses , wood anemones , celandines and a few cowslips . There 's a pair of pheasants near our mooring and in the night there are some very noisy frogs - one boater thought it sounded like a duck with a cold ! Swans But No Powered Boats Yet ! In Water ( But No Powered Boats Yet ) Restoration In Progress ( Between Bridges 82 to 83 ) Hedge Laying ( Between Bridge 82 & 83 ) Just A Ditch ( Beyond Bridge 83 ) Today with the weather warm and sunny , Ben and I set off to explore the restoration work going on below Maesbury Marsh . We walked past the new section already in water and negotiated the swans without too much hassle . I also saw the lovely hedge laying carried out with the help of Nick and Liz off NB Henry . I took a load of photos as Eric wanted to see how things were getting on but also needed to take advantage of the good weather to finish a bit of painting . Underneath the brass thing which protects the boat from the rope ( what 's it called ? ) had gone all rusty so he needed to sort it out . We 'd already had water in the boat onto the galley worktops via the screw holes so they had been taped over and when he took the tape off the paint he 'd already done came off too . He wasn 't a happy bunny ! After my enjoyable walk we decided to go as far as we could and turn around to go back up to Queen 's Head near where Alan and Eiddwen on NB Shush are moored for a few days . I jumped off the boat to work the lift bridge leaving it open while Eric turned the boat around to come back through . Luckily for me no cars arrived until the bridge was safely down again . It takes a lot of turns to get it up and down and I didn 't want to have to do it twice . So we 've got two locks to do today and we 'll moor below the top lock as it 's much quieter than mooring at Queen 's Head itself . A good place to stop with a regular bus service to Shrewsbury and Oswestry if the need for retail therapy arises . Our cupboards are well stocked so it 's only a need for bread , milk and fresh fruit and vegetables that takes me shopping . Heading for the next lockEntering Aston Middle LockWe woke this morning to rain and delayed moving until it stopped . Maggie and Bernie passed by on NB Blue Diamond going the other way . Ben couldn 't wait to get out for his walk as I headed off with the windlass to get the lock ready for Eric . The lock was full because NB Blue Diamond has used it to come up but a boater emptied it even though our boat was in view and I was walking towards it with the windlass in my hand . Eric pulled in and waited for them to work through the lock . We worked the final two locks and headed for Maesbury - unfortunately a low branch of a fallen tree didn 't let us pass without trying to remove various things from the roof . Eric really couldn 't get away from it due to a moored boat just before the fallen tree . We were lucky we only lost a flowerpot . After using the services we carried on a little further to Maesbury Marsh where we moored up not far from the Cafe . There 's not far to go now before we have to turn around as the next section is in water but not yet open to boats as the bank vegetation needs chance to grow and they haven 't reached the next winding hole . The restoration work is ongoing and one day it will join up with the next navigable section of the canal but it 's a lot of work so it 's a very slow process . Yesterday the boat stayed put as the wind was blowing really hard and we didn 't fancy moving anyway . I took Ben for a walk to Maesbury Marsh and back about four miles taking two hours - I 'm not a speedy walker . We arrived to fine the cafe and shop but no post office anymore and not even a stamp for sale . The shop sold milk , bacon , frozen pies amongst other things but no bread , biscuits and no chocolate ! I was disappointed . We managed to find a post box in the wall of a stone cottage not far from the Navigation public house with the help of directions from a local but I still need some more stamps . Today ( Tuesday ) we are off to find a shop near Queen 's Head we 've been told about , whether it sells what we need is another matter . ( chocolate ! ) We found the shop about twenty five minutes from Queen 's Head in a little village called West Felton - it had what we wanted other than decent apples including chocolate ! I managed to get a book of stamps so I could post some letters in the post box in the shop wall . Not moving again today - perhaps to - morrow . Waiting at Frankton LocksBen waiting too ! This morning we woke up to a bit of sun . It 's still cold though due to the cold wind . We were going down the Frankton Locks onto Montgomery Canal . I can remember coming here when my girls were very young when the locks went nowhere as there was no water below the first lock . We walked down the bed of the canal through the first canal bridge ( Bridge 70 ) wondering when the water would flow again . The bridge numbering is confusing because Bridge 1 is near Hurleston on the Llangollen Canal and the numbers continue on down the Montgomery Canal to make the first bridge number 70 . The bridge numbers start again with 1W at Frankton Junction until Bridge 49 at the Horseshoe Falls at Berwyn . Colin the lock keeper was as usual working one side of each lock and carefully managing the water so none was wasted . Today ten boats went down so we stayed at our mooring just around the corner from the junction waiting for the other boats to go and finally went down last . I went round to have a look at the boats going down and met a couple on NB Lola with their two dogs . Ben was recognised by them as they read my blog . My apologies I didn 't think to ask your names . We stopped at the Weston Arm to use the facilities , and we ate lunch while the water filled . We couldn 't stay there anyway because there was no room to moor as the other boats were spaced out . We went through Graham Palmer Lock dropping down a few feet and began the slow passage down towards Queen 's Head and Aston Locks . We stopped below the first lock on the armco as it 's much quieter than mooring near roads at Queen 's Head and we knew we could also get a satellite signal . I am feeling shattered today with all this fresh air and working six locks - I really am not used to working locks after our winter rest ! NB Bendigedig Leaving HindfordWe left Jack Mytton 's in sunshine - what a change in the weather from the bitterly cold day on Friday . I walked with the boat so Ben could have a good run as it was only an hour to our next planned stopping point at Bridge 1W ready to go down on the Montgomery Canal on Sunday . While walking we met a boater who recognised Ben and gave him a treat . I rang BW and prebooked our passage through the locks although the person who answered the phone told me I had to ring on the day . I told her we had always booked our passage before the day and I wanted to book it for Sunday and she finally put we through to the person taking the bookings , who said it 's a good idea to book it ahead as they only allow 12 boats down the locks and 12 boats up the locks between 12 and 2pm . So we 're moored up here , having a lazy afternoon . Hitching a ride ! We left our mooring near Chirk Marina and set off towards Hindford going firstly through Chirk Tunnel and then across Chirk Aqueduct . Lots of people out walking but few boats were travelling even though we didn 't set off until 11am . Ben and I had a good walk although it was bitterly cold and Eric stayed not far in front with the boat slowing down so I could keep up . He had two pairs of gloves and his hands were still cold ! It 's great to be out cruising again but it 'll be even better when we get some warmer weather . The photo shows the pair of ducks who flew onboard and hitched a ride in Chirk . They made us smile as they waddled along the roof of the boat . At Poacher 's Pocket Alan & Eiddwen on NB Shush spotted us coming towards them and we had a quick chat before continuing on our journey . Next we came to New Marton Locks - the first locks of the year . The lady in the cottage next to the Top Lock was out clearing the weir with a rake and came over to help us through the lock and we had a good chat too . It was a bit windy so we took care approaching the bottom lock as it 's very open and if the wind is blowing off the towpath side it 's hard to get the boat in , but today it was fine . We didn 't need to stop for water today as we knew we could get some down on the Montgomery Canal on Sunday . We moored up just before Jack Mytton 's where we knew we could get a good satellite signal - I wanted to watch ' Ashes to Ashes ' on television . Moored just behind us was NB Spadger and NB Wild Phoenix who had spent the winter at Llangollen too . Leaving the last narrow section near Bryn Howell Going to turn around in the mooring basinThis morning we filled up with water , unhooked the electric , lifted the fenders , started the engine and finally untied the ropes - we were on our way . I walked with Ben up towards the mooring basin to make sure there wasn 't a boat coming through the narrow section . All clear so Eric went up there to turn around so we were pointing in the right direction to leave Llangollen and begin cruising again . There are two more narrow sections of canal with one way cruising only so Ben and I walked ahead to the end of the first narrow section to stop any boats going in it once were in that section . Maggie from NB Blue Diamond was walking too , as they were following us with NB Shush following them . The towpath was dire with thick squelchy mud so it was difficult to walk and Ben got so filthy he had to have a wash . he wasn 't too keen on putting his feet in a bowl of warm water . He 's more used to a wash with a hose pipe ! We managed to get through the narrow sections without having to wait and very soon we were at Trevor turning right to go over the Pontycysyllte Aqueduct . We only had one lift bridge to go through which was already opened by a boat in front and the three boats passed through leaving Eiddwen with the job of lowering the bridge which meant using a windlass to wind it down - hard going after a winter rest . Shortly afterwards we pulled over near Chirk Marina with the NB Shush and NB Blue Diamond passing by as they wanted to go a bit further before they moored up . After lunch Ben and I went for a short walk along the towpath which had a few very muddy sections before returning to the boat . I had to wash his feet and legs again - they were so muddy ! I retired from primary teaching in 2006 and am now living afloat with my husband Eric on our narrowboat called ' Bendigedig ' . The name means wonderful . After ten years afloat we are still enjoying life . For several years we wintered in Llangollen in north Wales and then spent seven months cruising mainly canals with occasional rivers . Two years ago things changed as we felt we needed a home , somewhere to leave the boat when we needed to be in Newport . We now have a residential mooring at Whixall Marina which is lovely and quiet away from noisy roads and trains . We will use it as a base to cruise from when we get itchy feet in the Summer months . If we don 't want to cruise it 's great to have a home . We needed a car so we aren 't totally cut off from the world , which also makes visiting our family so much easier . Although Ben the dog has been less active since he had meningitis he still enjoys life with us on the boat and loves to be out and about sniffing new smells on much shorter walks .
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Today 's muse : First 50 Words Today 's prompt : Late Arrival . This prompt was suggested by me . I 'm so thrilled that Virginia DeBolt chose to use my prompt ! Late Arrival Neck - deep in lavender bubbles , Janice dropped her head against the cool bathroom tile . Just a few more minutes , then she 'd know . Would Frank be happy or sad ? Would she ? She started when the timer rang ; sloshed water over the tub . Janice reached for the stick . Stared at the results . " Shit . " Posted by Crystal Ball Each house in the quiet subdivision was painted a drab brown , fronted by a postage stamp of manicured green . The few gardens that existed were planted with simple white flowers . No color existed on the street . " Jesus , " Keith muttered . " It 's like driving through a Sepia photograph . " He scanned the front of every home as he crawled through the neighborhood , kept his speed under twenty - five . She had said he 'd recognize it , that it would stand out . Every fucking house looked the same . How the hell was he supposed to … Then he saw it . Bright red siding . Neon - yellow front door . Enormous sunflowers reaching for the afternoon sun . He couldn 't stop the laugh . " She wasn 't kidding . " He parked his simple , blue four - door sedan behind her car - a bright yellow eighty - four Volkswagon bug . The only spot of rust , he noted , as he walked to the front door , was at the bottom of the rear passenger - side fender . Moonflower , Keith decided , was an appropriate name for her . The self - proclaimed gypsy was the product of hippie parents who had insisted on raising their only child within the amicable confines of a farming compound . She had taught herself to cook - vegan , of course - learned to paint and had discovered she had the gift of Seeing . At least that 's what her website stated . The door opened before Keith could knock . Moonflower stood in the doorway , raven curls swirling past her hips , eyes so dark they only reflected hope . She wore a floor - length dress in periwinkle blue , a frivolous number of gold bangles on her left wrist and a serene smile that spoke of knowledge beyond this realm and a promise of unbridled sexuality . Months of text messages and telephone flirting had bloomed to this . It was no longer a fantasy . Every unrefined thought whipped through Keith 's head and straight down to his cock . She reached out and took his hand , guided him into her home . " I don 't think I 'll need my crystal ball today , " Moonflower said , backing him into her bedroom . " I already know how this will end . " Posted by Two of Cups The sun had not yet reached the horizon when he walked across the dock . Each morning , for the last three months , Jerry Walker had followed the same path : tackle box in one hand , fishing pole in the other . A thermos of strong , black coffee tucked under his left arm . He opened the thermos , took a few gulps . After baiting his hook , he swung back , cast out his line . The high pitched squeal of the line as it released was comforting and heartbreaking . Fiona had liked fishing . Jesus . When would he stop thinking about her ? He 'd never met a girl who would even think about touching worms , let alone bait her own hook . Fiona was almost perfect . She never understood football , but he could overlook that . His parents liked her . His friends liked her . She was a goddess in bed . Jerry reeled in his empty line , cast out once more . But when that fucking gypsy woman had flipped over that card , it had changed everything . Fiona had stood up , sent her chair tipping back . " The Six of Swords ? " The old woman squinted through thick glasses . " Yes . You are leaving on a journey . " " No I 'm not . " " But you need to , child . " He remembered Fiona seemed panicked at the time , denied it a little too much . And then she left . Left him alone . He lived on nothing but Jack Daniels and bourbon for weeks . Played her favorite song over and over . Stopped counting the days . It had been ninety - one days , eighteen hours and - he glanced at his watch - twelve minutes . But he wasn 't counting . And he wasn 't going to catch anything today . Jerry reeled in his line , packed up his tackle box , picked up his thermos . Back at the cottage , he put away his gear , rinsed out his thermos . It wasn 't quite ten o ' clock yet , but he poured three fingers of scotch and dropped into a chair at the kitchen table . He fingered the card he kept in his pocket . He didn 't believe , but why take the chance ? He pulled it out , stared at the lovers gazing at one another , each holding a golden chalice . He ran his thumb up and down the female , pure and innocent in her white gown . As was his habit , Jerry sent a quiet prayer to the Goddess - because , hell , you never know - before slipping the Two of Cups back into his breast pocket . Closest to his heart . Closest to Fiona . Posted by Jennifer was now at the head of the line , had been standing there for what seemed like hours . " Are you going ? " The angry woman next to her all but growled the question . " We 've been waiting , too , you know . You 're holding up the line . " " I know . I just … " She just what ? Jennifer looked around the room filled with women who smiled and laughed . She could see that a queue had formed out the door ; imagined it went down the street and around the block . After all , an event like this only happened once a year . And most of these women had dreamed of it since childhood . She didn 't fit in with these women . " Honey , don 't be shy . " The assistant - the only man in the room - smiled at her , exposing a neat row of straight , white teeth . " Step behind the curtain . I 'll help you . " Jennifer glanced behind her . A woman - quite a few years younger than her - seemed faint with excitement . Before Jennifer could ask if the girl was okay , Angry Woman shoved her forward . " Go ! " " Alright ! Alright ! " She had a sick feeling in her stomach . It was the same sensation she 'd had when she walked to the principal 's office that time she got caught cheating on her calculus exam . She 'd hated calculus . Sucked at it . Who the hell needs to know linear functions ? The toothy assistant pulled the curtain aside and nudged her through , let the drape close behind her . It was exactly what she had imagined , every vision she had conceived since she could read . And she felt empty inside . On the other side of the curtain , the crowd erupted in cheers . The first woman must have exited her own curtained room with her selection , Jennifer thought . She knew she should be happy for her , excited to walk out with her own selection , but she just couldn 't bring forth that emotion . " I can 't . " " You didn 't pick one ? " Jennifer smiled . " It 's not for me . But the second one from the left will look great on you . " Posted by Fishing His gaping maw snaps open and closed . My breath catches with every savage clamp . His fight to hold on is passionate , but useless , for I am unable to keep my catch . With tender hands I dislodge the hook and apologize for the pain I have caused . Sad , electric eyes stare back . He does not understand why I am throwing him back . He wants to stay in the boat . His long , narrow body undulates in the water . He turns to me , beckons . " I can 't swim with you , " I tell him . Playful now , he flicks his fin in the air , gives me a splash . I reach over for my rod , drop my line in the water . Okay . Maybe just once more . Posted by Dirty Words I often hesitate when asked what I write . The standard response is ' I write Romance ' . But the truth is , I write Erotic Romance . It 's not much different from your run - of - the - mill romance . Girl still meets boy . They fall in love . Live happily - ever - after . But there is one difference : I use dirty words . Posted by Today 's muse : Standing on a crowded train platform . Too many people , too much noise , too many smells . I had a brief flash and to suppress the panic that I was sure was about to swamp me , I spun the image into a piece of prose . I am so thankful I have my writing for therapy . Therapy He thrust out his hand . " I 'm David . " His smile was genuine , showing straight , white teeth . " Erica . " She slipped her hand in his , gave a slight pump , then let go . In what seemed like a casual gesture , Erica transferred her drink to her right hand , took a sip . Five years of intense therapy allowed her to perform the ritual without trembling or breaking out in a sweat . Prior to meeting the wonderful Doctor Gibson , Erica would have stayed home in the dark , rather than attend any social function . Within a year of working with Dr . G , she was able to go to a movie by herself . Of course , if anyone sat next to her , she rushed off to the bathroom to vomit . But the fact that she was out and socializing was an enormous leap . " How do you know Andrew ? " David asked . " We took some classes together . " Art therapy , but David didn 't need to know that . " Photography ? " Erica nodded . " He has a brilliant eye . " He had taken pictures of her while she set up her own shot . Had printed them in black and white . They were sad and somehow hopeful . She had framed a couple , hung them in her apartment . They were different from the other pictures taken of her . " I 've never seen you at Andrew 's parties . " " No . This is the first one I 've been able to attend . " Not because of her schedule , but because it had taken Andrew this long to convince her to come . She didn 't like strangers encroaching her personal space ; didn 't even like people she knew invading it . Erica didn 't like to be touched . She no longer cringed if someone did - she had suppressed that reaction a few years ago - but she didn 't like anyone touching her . Especially men . Men had touched her before . Doctors , police . And , of course , him . He had kissed her , rough and angry . Had pinched her nipples until she 'd cried out in pain . And when she turned twelve , he told her it was time to be a woman . " How do you know Andrew ? " She forced a smile , just to be polite , pleased that she was keeping up her end of the conversation . " We went to Boy Scouts together . " " Oh . " Oh ! David only smiled . " I see Doctor G , too . " Erica smiled back , and this time it reached her eyes . David gestured with his glass . " Do you want to sit ? Maybe talk ? " It was the first time that Erica had ever felt relaxed around a stranger . More important , it was the first time she 'd felt relaxed around a strange man . She noted that he was careful not to touch her when they sat . She wasn 't sure if that was for her or him . Either way , she was grateful . David sipped his drink , sat back in his chair . " Andrew and I reconnected in university . We had Spanish together . " " Hmmm . I 'm afraid my Spanish is rather limited . I can ask where the bathroom is . " David raised his glass in a toast . " A very important phrase to know . " Erica laughed . " Indeed . " She bumped her glass against his and their fingers brushed . It was unexpected and she jolted back . " I 'm sorry . " Ashamed , she stared over David 's shoulder , unable to look at him . " It 's okay . " Her gazed shifted to his and it was then that she noticed he hadn 't moved his hand . It was still raised in mid - air , as if he waited for her to tap his tumbler again . And it trembled . " Oh , David . " He lowered his hand . " I 'm sorry , " he said . " I don 't like to be touched . " " Me neither . " He nodded and Erica sucked in a shaky breath . He set his glass on the table , gestured for her to do the same . " Let 's start over , " he suggested . Relieved , she smiled at him and nodded . He held out his hand . It trembled , but he held it out . " Hi . My name is David . " She hesitated for only a moment , then slipped her hand into his . It was warm and dry . She wanted to pull away and sensed he felt the same . Instead , she wrapped her fingers around his and he squeezed back . " I 'm Erica . " " It 's a pleasure to meet you , Erica . " He didn 't let go of her hand , kept his eyes on hers , his smile natural and full . No , Erica thought , the pleasure is all mine . Posted by Stress has only brought stabbing pain to mine , Tin Man should wish for something else . My spinning brain gives me sleepless nights . You 're better off without one , Scarecrow . And trust me , Lion , being brave is overrated . Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain . Dorothy was right . Go home . Posted by I know , I know . Where have I been ? I 've been busy . Too busy . And a little stressed out with it . But I hope I 'm back . Thom G 's site is my favourite writing prompt site , so it 's only appropriate that I start off the New Year with Three Word Wednesday . Today 's muse : Three Word Wednesday Today 's words : jovial , promise , resolute . Resolute Today is the first day of the new year . I won 't lie and tell you I promise to write every day , or even every week . The fact is , I lead a busy life . I have a frantic full - time job where I put in a lot of overtime . I look after my in - laws every Saturday . This leaves one day a week to myself - to write my novel , operate my small business , socialize with friends and family , and reestablish peace in my soul so that I can start the crazy ritual again on Monday . It is not easy to maintain a jovial façade . In fact , I am a miserable failure at being happy . But that ends today . Or , at least , I plan on trying to end it . My parents , gods love them , always told me they only wanted me to try my best . So that is what I will do . Henceforth ( I am a legal secretary ) , I will try my damnedest to write more often , take more time for myself , and make the time to finish my novel . And I am most resolute in finding happiness . Posted by Legal secretary by day , writer by night , working on my first novel ( Madison 's Avenue ) , blogging here under the pen name Monica Manning . It 's easier to pronounce than the real thing . Trust me . All writings on this web site are the property of the writer , Monica Manning . All rights reserved . No portion of this web site may be reproduced in any form , or by any means , without prior written permission from the writer . Madison 's AvenueRaised by her grandparents from the age of five , Madison Fields has little recollection of her parents . She holds a dim memory of her mother - a quiet woman who hid the shame of a crazed husband . And she pushes back the memory of her father - a domineering man who stole her innocence . She had always believed her mother had died of pneumonia ; that her father drank himself to death the same night . But when she is once again orphaned after her grandmother 's death , Madison discovers that the stories her grandparents told her were nothing but lies . To uncover the truth , Madison moves to Maven , back to her childhood home . Repressed memories are revived , triggering intense nightmares , and Madison discovers her parents 's deaths were not an accident . As she wades through fact and gossip , Madison is shocked when she uncovers the guilty party . The discovery will send her running from the one person who can show her the truth , and the only man she has ever loved .
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I am so behind all my pre Christmas jobs this year , I usually have my cards posted and most of my pressies got , but this year I am behind , I have all my cards to write and few pressies sorted yet . I hoped to get time this weekend and instead ended up cooking and going out for Saturday and sleeping in and having a fab long bath on Sunday , I he pick up after Tom being away and he so needed the peace too , but now I am behind and tonight I am due to get my swine Flu jab ! woo hoo not ! so I may be even more behind by tomorrow ! Saturday was fab more info from landgirl and I bought some cheap socks and have them ready to make a monkey , even went and saw the shop ones on my way home , way to go Jill . Monday is cold and worse the heating at work is patchy and one whole building is unheated as of 8 . 50am much to every one who is in it very unhappy . I am okay and the library is 20 c at the moment , but I feel under dressed as the office have lost their extra heaters and have put back on coats , the new block has every one in coats and woollies , the kids are walking between buildings and are wrapped up warm . while I am in a thin top , and okay while in my library but it isn 't warm ! Spent part of yesterday watching the snow fall and not settle out of my front room window , best sort of snow . I chased up a contact for work about a book fair I give every year around the first full week in December , imagine my shock when they said no fair ! It costs the organisers £ 300 plus to run fair and need the school to promise to return £ 400 in sales ! well I have done over that occasionally but mainly in the £ 300 range , and so I don 't qualify for a fair unless I ' promise to sell £ 400 or more ' and I could make it up in sales from me ! but finances are currently running very dry ( oops over spend already this year ) and my return from running it is usually free books , I would need to buy the books to make up the difference and then find even more to make my free ones ! but they really didn 't want to send my one , well how sad , less work for me , less hassle and no sorting all the funds out and being in two places at once ! If they don 't want my work I am happy with the time . must get my cards written , may even use my craft Saturday for that , it is for finishing things after all ! and my cards need finishing . I have just discovered I can update from work ! At last I should get a chance to do more here . The headie of English is setting her whole higher class up on the system as a multimedia exercise and a way to keep interaction as free as possible . ( or I think so ? ) I did some checking and found not only could I make a blog I could get on my own blog ! I planned this to be a refection of work and home for me so I shall now be able to add more work sides . I am currently helping sort email problems and vaults , which has gone to the help desk to get the right buttons installed on every ones machine ( mine got done by a very nice young man whole helped me the first time ) am also having to marshall my thoughts and sort out my chartership documents as I have been asked to mentor someone else through theirs , which I am thrilled to do but terrified as well ! the termly meetings have been going well and we are getting alot sorted each meeting , must check I have done all my jobs for this , but I think so . Also have just joined the ecoschools committee as the green ambassador for wick high which is even odder , but I must turn off monitors and light s and be responsible before I can ask that of any one else ! Daughter is off school today with bad cough , she has been working up to it for days ! , mind you she wanted to day off to be with her dad who dosent work tuesdays , guess what , he had to work today and so she is home alone , poor soul ! Must go and see how my kids are doing this lunch time and hope to do more tomorrow . Oh woo , what a week . We had so much fun and did so much , I didn 't get to the Internet once . We saw ' all the things ' as my youngest says . I got home late Sunday night and spent Monday at work and washing ( though more has just arrived even when I asked for it all yesterday ! ) and didn 't even get up to day until after 12 . 30pm ! which was very very nice . Here is a picture of us in the Stromness marina , with our boat Moonhammer , and herself on the boom , her favourite place as she can see everything and be above us all . We were very lucky with the weather and only saw a few wet days and then only for half a day of rain . Tom 's cousin joined us with his family and caravan and we had a big family time too . I did write while away but not much and most in a book ! More later as I should get access to Internet from Devon more regularly . I have been working all week , I have been in to work early most days and late with one exception , when I took work home to finish . but that hasn 't been my mine focus . my story is growing , tonight it is at 15 , 300 + words and I am into my second week of writing , I have only have one day of less than 2k words , and while it isn 't going where I thought it would , I am enjoying it heaps . it has been a challenge as I cant go back and edit anything as per my agreement to write , and I keep running out of supporting stuff and have a whopping great history book next to my computer which is so large it gets peoples knees if the get too close : - DI am also knitting but plan to do more next week on my hols , and I booked my tickets tonight , wheeeee , I feel giddy , mind you I did find I had to go over Friday night as Saturday was all booked up ! all those peeps in Orkney , may be a bit crowded , but fun I hope . I am off to bed to read now as I am avoiding Torchwood , which seems to be trying to freak me this time round which is a pity as I adore John Barrowman . I have spent my weekend busy doing nothing , first hubby ended up going to Orkney and I had the kids etc all alone , then I had to get back up to speed as I had a day with few words earlier in the week , I am now at 9 , 300 words ! I spent chunks of yesterday and today in the garden and have some great pics to prove it : - D this is from the back door looking over at the pool and trampoline . I caught the sun today and have a pink arm and shoulder , and my daughter is a also pink which is rare for her , but she sat in full sun for over an hour ' drying ' after being in the pool . I got all my laundry done , cleaned and tidied and even did bins and dug up potatoes ( my own grown in pots in the garden , they didn 't last long as we cooked them and had them for an afternoon snack ) Daughter has just used the ' bad cat ' spray of water on her legs as they feel too hot . I shall leave with my picture of the evening sun in my garden , and my cat being a plant . Nope no cats here just us plants . What a full day . Spent with friends old and new , doing things I enjoy and needed to do , having fun and being free from constraints . I Can only say the best sort of days are only lightly planned , mix with friends , add good food and sunshine , shake and step back . I woke late and arrived late to the UFO day ( for unfinished objects ) but it wasn 't a big deal . I cut some decoupage , folded some cards and checked how many I had for a class I am running on Wednesday . I then painted a silk scarf bright yellow , and made a load of other cards with stamps on and ready to decorate . When dry I added red to the scarf and I have an amazing two tone effect I shall photo and put up somewhere . I chatted to Friends and had great ideas cross pollination sessions . after lunch I finally got to my knitting which was a teddy 's jumper and some more of the entrelac hat which has become a bit of a bete noir but which I am looking forward to doing while on holiday as that was what I did it for . After arriving home we discovered some visitors ? long term squatters ? crunchy treats ? We have a swarm of bees making home in the roof spaces of the front windows by the bath ! We have some bee keepers coming tomorrow during the day to see what can be done for them or may be how to get rid of them , we cant keep them . The crunchy treats comments was from the cat , she enjoyed running up and down the ladder and eating the ones she could catch , ( if we could get her in the roof space and thought she wouldn 't potentially get hurt ! well she could have them . . . ) so my busy day has only just calmed down after 9pm at night . My mother rang yesterday , and told me the saga of her hand , she went to the hospital eventually yesterday and they found she has a broken thumb , broken wrist bone and fractures in her fingers ! so is now in plaster and may be for a while . I am glad she has got it seen to but I do wish she hadn 't waited nearly 2 weeks , and spent the days in between knitting and doing her normal stuff with a broken hand ! My brother who helps her ( even if he has no more Posted by I had delivered a third of a cheese plant today , it is vast and took two to move it , I was worried about getting the whole plant but the third is okay , I shall get pictures and post them here of my library , it is full of plants and more to come . I love plants and hope to spend part of my summer looking for creatures to put in them , the big one had a small poisonous arrow frog toy and a wooden parrot ( Scottish as it a McCaw ) attached . I hope to find a monkey as well as other creatures and maybe make the library look better despite the peeling paint and tatty curtains ( I do plan to get some material and make new ones while away ) but they are at least 12 foot high and 4 foot wide . My free time today was spent with out my knitting ! I bought a book called ' no plot , no problem ' which is how to write a novel in a month by the NaNoWriMo guy . I plan to try to write over the month of July , it is a bit like going to a foreign country , I don 't know if I shall get it done but the plan is 50K words in 31 days , I have some ideas for a book but shall start with a fanfic story I have been half shaping and just needed the push to write . If it is readable I shall post a link , if not or if unfinished you will never hear of it again . . . Tonight was a staff meeting , but I couldn 't stay and feel I missed things , most often it is of no relevance to me but every so often it is good to find out what is happening . Must ask tomorrow from my link manager . Today was a wonderful day of peaceful chat and knitting with a side order of crochet and children . . . It was the monthly meeting of the stitch and bleather group , which we had a big discussion about the name towards the end as we would like to do things that would raise us money and to treat our selves to trips and workshops , may be us to go or even getting a workshop set up for us ? we can but hope and see how things go . The venue was a church hall that was nice and cozy with out being small , we had our own foods and could just sit and chat as well as do , a trifle cool but not cold , we were on the north side of a big building which meant no sun on the windows . Nice place and well worth another visit . Heard about craftscotland . org which sounds interesting and potentially very good but I am not sure if I am a ' maker ' in their sense . But I am in and registered , if any thing comes from it I shall be pleased . Youngest son has GF over for the night ( both 11 , and friends since 7 or 8 ) but as I didn 't know she was coming until she rang the door bell ! Then daughter rang to ask if she could bring her little friend ( called shadow as she doesn 't speak much just follows her round ) for the night only to find she couldn 't as we already had one extra ! Hope tonight visit goes better than last one , she stayed until 11pm then felt ill and we ran her home . Mind you Daughter was round at shadows and she came home while hubby was running other one home , saying she didn 't feel well so didn 't want to spend the night away ! I didn 't understand children when I was one and I understand less now . My brother meanwhile is going / has gone to Poland for a wedding with all his wife 's family , they should have fun but I am glad I don 't have to go , he doesn 't like travel , his father in law hates foreign food , his mum in law organises to the nth degree esp . when the grand kids are added , his sister in law has 3 kids and is divorced ( also going to the wedding ) and the whole party numbers 9 and only one speaks any Polish . My Youngest set off with his class to an outdoor activities centre for the next few days , he didn 't have all he was supposed to have packed , but I must learn to let him be responsible and any shortcomings must not be avoided . Being the ' baby ' he never has to do or take responsibility for any thing , either myself , his dad or his older siblings do it for him . He didn 't pack unless I read the list form school , which he only brought home after threatening he couldn 't go unless I had the paper work . He didn 't plan to take socks , or toothbrush ! He was prepared to put his money in his trouser pocket loose , which he loses money from often ! He packed first in a carrier bag ! And despite all this and how annoying he gets , I am missing him already . I organised my meeting and no one turned up , ' Sorry I forgot . ' so I shall organise it again and send notes to them first ! Also had to order top ups for English for the usual ASAP , at least we should get them asap . My cat is mad , she is jumping round the house like she is on cat nip which doesn 't do my frazzled nerves without my baby . She ran into a box and bounced ! then she ran up my curtains , again . I treated kids to the cinema last night for night at the museum 2 , which they are still raving about , next week is transformers which both boys love with out any encouragement ! So my week is already laid out and soon school shall end for the summer . Summer is here and the end of term approaches , I have my end of term jobs lined up and doing some , I have my holidays planned and part organised , I am looking forward to Chulmleigh Fayre and its flower show , and west country beaches in the sun . I want to wander round Orkney 's historic sites , see seals and birds while sailing , and sleep in on week days ! but first we must get through the 2 and a half weeks of school and then a week of work in holiday time getting my firsties in the system ! We need a big wall planner just for the next 2 months of life . . . Mind you Sunday was the first summer fete thing I went to of the year and it was the Caithness vintage car rally at John o Groats all afternoon , we had fun and spent ages looking for the renewables display that was supposed to be there ( we didn 't find it ) and ate hot food and saw bikes , cars and displays , as well as many friends I haven 't seen in years ! Then due to Caithness summer , it rained heavier and heavier and we all ran for the car and some shelter ( no coats for some of us ) and spent hours getting home via the Tea Cosy in Mey , Skarfskerry , Brough , and Greenland . Between yesterdays inset day and today 's finishing day I am done in and feeling powerless . . . but first a note from page a day knitting calender , SABLE ( acronym ) : Stash Acquisition Beyond Life Expectancy , which is managing to acquire more yarn than you can possibly use up in your lifetime . I don 't think of it as a problem so much as a goal . I so agree , I have several jobs planned for this summer but I was so fired up over one project I started it already , nought the wool last week and spent evenings this week crocheting squares , Friday which I shall go into more later was spent joining the squares and then making a lining , which needed buttons to attach to squares , but had wrong sized buttons . Left job to finish today after buying new buttons , got right ones and spent today adding buttons and very carefully sewing round top to keep both together , leaving a gap for handles , which I still have to make . I bought wooden curtain rings and some thick cord which I must whip or bind on to the rings before fixing the rings into the bag top . But I am too tired to start doing that tonight . Yesterday was not fun , woke late but was only one who had to get up , inset means no school for kids and supply staff ( grrrr ) . Had to go in for meeting , while going to meeting I dropped my keys down the loo and had to fish them out ( clean but wet ! ) . Waited through 40 minute meeting for 10 Min 's of info for me , but interesting to hear what teachers need to do , then after getting work to bring home got stuck in traffic coming home and took 50 minutes for a 20min drive . Spent nice quiet day ( not ) with kids in and out and at lunchtime I saw a tree falling in the forest opposite , it had been brought down , but had also brought down the power cables for half the square , not me thankfully . But this was remedied by the power guys who took out all the power to fix the lines , and put up a new poll ( which we had to wait on its arrival ) all in all we lost power in the house at 1pm and got it back just after 5 . 30pm ( as our Indian take out arrived ) and I had Posted by What a strange day , of lots of work with nothing done . I watered my many and increasing plants which took over half an hour just to go round and pour in water , but still felt I got nothing done . I generated some lovely posters and finished pieces of work for a reading game I ran earlier in the week , I organised and replaced all the prospectuses for the year and put the old ones out to recycling . I sorted new books and got most ready to put out on Monday after my council meeting . I even managed to tell all my council bods so all should know about said meeting . Ran another reading game to its conclusion and stored the information needed to make more posters . Went into town after work and saw several people I hadn 't seen in ages . Organised my art for tonight and my last class . But still I feel I haven 't done anything today ? I think it must just be the wrong time of the school year , today was the last day of the old timetable , and the upper school had no work to do and the lower school were all trying to get things finished before changing teachers ! The 4th year spent the day either in sports day or wandering from class to class . The fifth year were much reduced and of 2 classes on the balcony only 2 pupils arrived , and the 6th year wandered round making tearful farewells and trying to explain why they still have their book from 4 / 5th year out . So I shall shelve my odd day and go to my last class with sadness and plans to return in autumn . I wrote too soon last night , I was going to bed very late while listening for the girls , and gave up at 1am ! Only to have my daughter pop in to say one of them had been sick all over the bedding and was going home ( only lived round corner ) which is a measure of the sweets , popcorn , chips and pasta that they decided to eat last night . After finding enough bedding to allow the two still here to sleep inside , I finally got to bed . Sadly I woke at my usual 7am , and while I did turn over and sleep again I was up by 9am and am now still tired . . . Today was the mellow I wanted yesterday , so at least I didn 't have too much today . Sleep well , I hope to . Today had a plan which was mellow and relaxed and had lots of rest and little work planned , yeh didn 't happen . The long lie in just didn 't happen and I was up by 10 am dressed and ready to wander into town as a brief excursion with a planned trip round some fun crafty shps and then back home to play , no wool and no hassle . By 11 . 30 we had plans for us all to go into town stop at one of two places for me and then onto Scrabster for The mission fayre and then on to Reay to collect daughter friend who is now sleeping in the tree house ! we got home at 3ish and then I spent a while sorting timeings as I promised a trip to the cinema which grew in size , but sadly I had forgotten in my earlier plans ! So by 5 . 30pm I was doing one of 3 trips to drop or collect various children at the Allstar cinema and Hannah Montana and then Star Trek have been discussed and regaled me all evening . My youngest came back from his girlfriend 's and after a bit of chat he said how tired he was and went to bed early ! He can go there again . I ended up with Wool for a new project I was planning for summer , some material and notions for a dress my daughter wants and we shall take to grannys to make under her guidance , so when I lose my temper she can step in and help her finish it . So many changed plans but over all a good day , and a mellow night hopefully if the tree house sleepers allow . Today was one of sunshine and showers , we had our walk and they all walked too fast and had moments of stupidity , but didnt go too far and did walk with good spirits . One group of girls tried both my patience and my straight face . . . and made my walk much shorter and more fun . We got slightly rained on , and while it didn 't damped their spirits it did quiet them down . In the afternoon I had to clarify thing brought up at a meeting yesterday and I have been invited to mondays meeting , which should be interesting , and which the basic ethos of the library is being challenged . hummHusband had to get daughter during day as she was unwell , and she spent the evening on the sofa and then early to bed , she so wants to have her friend over tomorrow but only if she okay . We had tea from the Indian , which is fab , and the kids in had chips , which just shows they have no taste . Rang an old friend and had a chat and a laugh , and a cry . So all in all today has been sunshine and showers and both have good and bad points . : - ) Well back to my Entrelac hat . My oldest son is winding the cat into a pre - bed - time frenzy , she has big black eyes and her head is moving back and forwards , side to side like a snake , and his hand will soon be ribbons . I spent a couple of hours this evening painting a pair of kittens in my art class , after I finished a wave which got more abstract as I tweaked ! I do realist not abstract but oddly it works . I am girding my loins , so too speak , as tomorrow is sponsored walk day , a whole 3 miles if you squint ! and a quiz thrown in to slow them down enough that it won 't take under an hour : - D well as I am walking it will be a bit longer . . . I am also taking a walking stick to help when my foot is sore , and maybe to encourage slow chatty walkers . . . I have just gained a lap full of semi wild cat who wants cuddles and play and isn 't above climbing my curtains if I don 't play . hopefully she will calm down soon ! if not I shall put her out the back door and she can work her way round to the front and her cat flap , past several strays , and at least 2 other house cats territory which should bring her down . So my end of day has been cats , real and painted , while tomorrow involves snakes , as my walking stick is 5 ' long snake headed hand carved , treat to myself . And snakes of children , all two by two as they walk ( yeh right , sure they will ) in neat lines ! Work wasnt fun with a printer fallen over , which I still haven 't had a chance to sort out , and a kindly word from the ' techy ' that my folder wasn 't meg 's but was well into gig 's ! spent an hour moving and deleteing , saving and sorting until the big items I have to keep are now in the coursework folder which I can keep general and open to all and the rest of the large items saved to a disc or pen and deleted ! which was very good as a clear out and I shall have to back up before summer . While dropping some stuff off to biology I bumped into George who is due to retire this summer and he was wanting homes for his wonderful and massive plants , soem are so big it will need 3 or 4 kids to move them form their current home . I cant wait until they arive in my library , I already wonder where I shall put them but I will house them , as I love plants and these are amazing specimens , some are new for me , other like old friends . I shall put up pics when they arrive . I tried to organise a craft afternoon for any kids interested but no one at all put forwards tehir names , leaving me to cancel the main itea but I shall take my already sorted plans to the pupil support base , and enjoy an afternoon with them doing decoupage , and 3D card making . Now I just have to hope those who were interested in the Library Council will still come to the meeting next week , mind you must put note in day sheet first .
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Six years ago I needed to get a job and after praying , the Holy Spirit instructed that I should get dressed as though I already had a job and take communion just like the children of Isreal had the Passover meal before they left Egypt . The location that came to mind was Silverbird Galleria , Abuja . So I did what the Holy Spirit said and went to Silverbird . I met a lady in charge of marketing and after I had spoken to her , she asked me to approach companies for adverts on behalf of Silverbird but it wasn 't an official job , at least it was a start . I began to visit offices and I was marketing to them , I got rejections but I also got some really good feedback . Then the lady I talked to at Silverbird told me she had spoken to her boss and they didn 't feel it was a good idea for me to continue , I was sad . I went back to the place of prayer and prayed and fasted for 3 days . On the last day , my phone rang and the person said " hello am I talking to Adewale Aladejana ? I confirmed I was the person and then she said " you have an interview at the TY Danjuma Foundation tomorrow " . I didn 't even know a place like that existed so I traced the office and there it was ! Beloved , God is waiting for your prayers to order your steps because God needs your permission to work wonders in your life . It doesn 't take time , it takes God ! If you will take time off to talk to God and pray about that matter , He will order your steps . The bible tells us in 2 Samuel 11 : 1 - 2 ( NIV ) 1In the spring , at the time when kings go off to war , David sent Joab out with the king 's men and the whole Israelite army . They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah . But David remained in Jerusalem . 2One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace . From the roof he saw a woman bathing . The woman was very beautiful . . . " There was a time when kings were supposed to be at war but King David was at the balcony of his house and he saw a beautiful naked woman . A naked woman has never failed to attract attention that 's why videos and adverts are full of them . King David was at the wrong place at the wrong time . Places carry presence , heaven is a place and hell is a place . There are places where men are made , there are places where men are destroyed . If you are a proper Christian you can 't hang out with your friends at the club , it 's just a matter of time before you get into trouble . Wrong association destroys that 's why the bible said in Psalm 1 : 1 ( NIV ) Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers . If you have ever been in the gatherings of your friends who are not Christians , they are either talking about girls or criticizing men of God because they know you are a Christian . I remember hanging out with some old friends a while back and these people were criticizing pastors and seed sowing . One of them even said the whole bible is not true and she was a Christian , I knew they would never see me at that gathering again . Man of God be careful where you go and who you talk to . May God help us all in Jesus name . You too can be a social media evangelist . Please share so that others can be blessed as you have been blessed . # ThankYouJesus Now this is what the bible says about those vows in Malachi 2 : 13 - 14 ( NIV ) 13Another thing you do : You flood the Lord 's altar with tears . You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands . 14You ask , " Why ? " It is because the Lordis the witness between you and the wife of your youth . You have been unfaithful to her , though she is your partner , the wife of your marriage covenant . You promised to cherish and love that woman and you pledged your life to her according to God 's ordinance till death separates you ! Malachi just told us that God was there the day you said those vows and an angel wrote down everything you said . So when you pray God checks if that marriage covenant is in place before He answers your prayers . You see I am convinced that God attends weddings because divine provision happens and Jesus first outing was also a wedding . 1 . King David had a thing for other men 's wives . King David was married to Saul 's daughter Michal but Saul took her away from him and after that he married Abigail who was the former wife of Nabal , and when he became King of Israel , he asked for Michal his first wife who was already married to another man . 2 Samuel 3 : 14 - 15 tells us that Michal 's husband was weeping behind her as she left for David 's house . At that time , King David had at least four wives . Then King David set his eyes on Beersheba who was the wife of Uriah the Hittite and he killed her husband to marry her . These cravings almost destroyed him , God placed a curse on the house of David that said in 2 Samuel 12 : 10 " the sword shall never depart from your house " What are your unconquered tendencies ? Lust , sex , anger , food , money ? You must begin to conquer it in your heart , it is a monster that can destroy you . May God help us all in Jesus name . The bible says in Isaiah 4 : 1 ( NLT ) In that day so few men will be left that seven women will fight for each man , saying , " Let us all marry you ! We will provide our own food and clothing . Only let us take your name so we won 't be mocked as old maids . " Believe it or not there is a deliberate attempt by the kingdom of hell to render the men useless and this is happening already , there is a strategic war against men either as husbands , fathers , brothers , uncles and as business men . The man was God 's glorious creation and the devil is fighting tooth and nail for men never to realize their potential . This explains why there are so many useless men out there ; men whom the only way they are men is because of the thing dangling between their legs . When God wants to bless you , He will send you a man of God who sees what you are not seeing , he will speak words into your life and hold you up in the place of prayer . As long as you keep that relationship you will prosper , the moment you disrespect that man or feel you know better , you are on your way down . King Saul disrespected Prophet Samuel in the bible , in the world of today , we have people like Israel Houghton who left Lakewood Church because he wanted to divorce his wife ( he is back in church now though ) and Deittrick Haddon who disrespected Bishop TD Jakes . These men have no regard for spiritual authority and this always marks the beginning of the end for them . Man of God , as long as you keep that link with your man of God you will prosper ! Don 't grieve them , they have labored over you . The best gift you can give your man of God is your success , he wants to brag on you . Maxwell would lie to his wife that he was working late but he spent most of his time at Cynthia 's place , she would feed him and make sure they had sex almost everyday . Maxwell would get home exhausted and tired . His wife began to suspect that something was wrong , he had not touched her in a month and when she asked him , he said it was the pressure from work . Gradually Maxwell stopped coming home every night and it became a war for his wife to get money from him . His phones were always locked and he would hide them when he wanted to sleep . So she decided to trace his movement and discovered Cynthia 's residence . Maxwell 's wife went with her friends and they beat Cynthia so bad that she ended at the hospital , she swore to retaliate by getting pregnant for Maxwell . Maxwell went for a medical checkup recently and he was diagnosed with high blood pressure . Men ! The truth is you can 't handle two women successfully , it will cost you a lot , focus on your wife , teach her to be everything you want her to be , you will live longer that way . One of the fastest ways to poverty is sleeping with any woman who is not your wife . Proverbs 6 : 29 ( NIv ) So is he who sleeps with another man 's wife ; no one who touches her will go unpunished . May God give us wisdom and contentment in Jesus name . You too can be a social media evangelist . Please share so that others can be blessed as you have been blessed . # ThankYouJesus Don 't Destroy Favor One day of favor is equal to a lifetime of labor . If you had to work for everything you had , you must have lived a miserable life , favor is God serving you first when it won 't go round , favor is receiving gifts you don 't deserve . There are no successful men , there are only favored men . The difference between the Obioma tailor and a fashion designer is favor . Favor is important ! You must go for it ! 1 . When you meet someone you admire don 't ask for money : I learnt this the hard way . I did some services for a top politician three years ago and then I asked that he buy me a car 🙆🙆🙆🙆 😂😂😂 . From that time , the man believes I am money hungry . Don 't be foolish , don 't see successful people as your ATM card , offer your services and do it diligently . Be more concerned about the relationship than money . 2 . Don 't be a collector ; are you like the earth that is never satisfied ? You are like the Dead Sea always collecting but never giving anything out , you will stink ! Make it an habit to give to people who give to you ! As a matter of fact , give more than everyone in your circle . 3 . Learn how to appreciate people who have been good to you : saying " thank you " to people who have shown you favor is good but that is not enough . Do something tangible to express your gratitude . 4 . Don 't let people who have shown you favor regret it . There are some people you have shown favor who have repaid you with evil . Those kind of people have no favor , God is the One who dispenses favor and if you don 't take care of favor , you won 't see more . Early this month , the Holy Spirit inspired me to start Sapphire Scents line of fragrances . For the past 19 months we would scout the Middle East for rare fragrances and then bring them to Nigeria . God gave me a nose to smell perfumes that can make money and we have made a little fortune from those perfumes but now God was telling me to move on . The Holy Spirit let me in on a secret ; He said there would be people who would be selling exactly what we sell , they would visit our page , copy all our perfumes and order the same stuff from the Middle East even though we were the ones that introduced these perfumes to the Nigerian market . Yesterday afternoon I was going through Instagram when I saw a page using our pictures and displaying our kind of perfumes . Initially I thought the person must be our distributor but on closer inspection the person was not ! They were using all our pictures many of which our distributors took with their phones , I took some of those pictures too . I referred our distributors to the page and asked them not to make a scene , I wanted them to learn a lesson , always listen to the Holy Spirit , He will reveal secrets to you . If you are a businessman and your competition can do what you do then you can 't last ! Thank God we moved on ! We would have lost millions of Naira this Christmas . I loved perfumes but I never knew I would one day own a perfume company and my own brand of perfumes ! 🙆🙆🙆 What is that thing that you love doing ? Keep at it , keep grinding , purpose and destiny is hidden in it . Don 't despise those challenges they are helping you to prepare for that glorious future . Everyday brings you closer that is why it 's so important to SURVIVE TODAY ! Tell death , depression and all those issues NOT TODAY AND NOT TOMORROW either because there is a shining destiny after this challenge , there is a shining light at the end of the tunnel ! Stay alive my brother , stay alive my sister and you will reach that destiny in Jesus name . This same man was in prison for at least 5 years but he spent the next 80 years of his life in splendor , royalty , abundance and comfort . My brother and my sister forget about the challenges of now ! Your future is bright ! Your best days are ahead of you , don 't kill yourself before your time , take it easy , love God and do what the bible says and you will reign forever . Never ever forget that your future self is not like your present self . Those challenges shall pass and the real you will emerge . You too can be a social media evangelist . Please share so that others can be blessed as you have been blessed . # ThankYouJesus At 10 sharp , he set up his projector and said " good morning everyone " and his mind blacked out , he couldn 't remember what he had to say . He apologized and promised to come back later . The moment he left their office , everything came back so he drove back but when he stood in front of them , he blanked out again . Lester began to experience these black outs for a year and he lost everything that he had . Ladies and gentlemen if you are a highflying businessman and you don 't pray or do juju or belong to any cult yet your business is doing well and thriving , give it some time you can 't last ! The business world is not for neutral people ! Business controls money and power and you need these two in the world to dominate . If Satan had the nerve to tell Jesus to bow down and worship him and he would handover the riches and glory of this world to him why then do you think you can live anyhow and be successful for long . My brother , my sister you cannot be neutral ! Choose Jesus ! That is the only name that has influence in heaven , on earth and under the earth ! Every other name will fail ! Align your business with Jesus and you will see what will begin to happen . I am talking to men this morning ; it 's important to make money but one of the most important roles of a man is to pastor his home . NEVER EVER EVER start or end a day without praying together and reading your bible , this is SO IMPORTANT and only very few Christian homes do this . I learnt a long time ago that PRAYER IS THE SEED FOR PEACE ! Families that pray together , stay together ! Every 6 : 30 am in the morning and 9pm at night we are praying , praising and reading the bible at my house . Try it and see how peaceful and joyful your home will be . Receive wisdom in Jesus name . After we moved into our apartment there was still a lot that needed to be done in terms of furnishing the house . We had made a bed and a sitting room set , we had 2 ACs , 2 TVs , a fridge , a gas cooker and 2 sound systems that was all . The apartment was a 3 bedroom we needed a dining set , bedroom furniture , mirrors , a generator , TVs and ACs in every room , we needed wardrobes , we needed to repaint the walls and just make the place beautiful . Ladies and gentlemen if it took God to get you that car , job , house it will take God for you to maintain it ! I wrote down everything I needed to buy and when I did the calculation it was quite some money but I have learnt how to make things multiply . I would wake up at 4am and go to the apartment , we had not moved in at the time and I would connect the music player , drop the list of all we wanted to buy and just praise God for two hours and then I would go into every room and declare " supernatural supply " The crowd in the court erupted , Emeka just stood there motionless as a statue . His mind did a flashback and he remembered everything just like yesterday . He had been at the oil rig for 2 weeks and he was given the opportunity to go home for 3 days , he didn 't call his wife because he wanted to surprise her . As he entered their house , the smell of Oud and roses filled the air and he began to suspect that his wife must have known that he was coming , he heard her giggle and moan , he was sure someone had let her in on the surprise but what he saw when he entered the bedroom shocked him , his wife was naked on the bed with a man under her . She froze as she saw him and began to cry . Emeka ran into his study and brought out his gun , he could hear rapid footsteps like someone was running away , he wouldn 't let that bastard escape , he could see the back of the man and then he took aim and just as he did , his wife stood in front of the gun with her hands raised as though to shield the man and the bullet ripped into her and came out on the other side , she died on the spot . Now he was going to die for killing his wife . Emeka was placed on death row and finally the day came . The noose was put on his neck and his sentence was being read when a call came in to say that Emeka had been pardoned . It was at that point he started crying , there was no doubt that God was giving him a fresh start . When Moses said to God " show me your glory " God showed Moses and this is how God was described in Exodus 34 : 6 6And the LORD passed by before him , and proclaimed , The LORD , The LORD God , MERCIFUL and gracious , longsuffering , and abundant in goodness and truth , 7Keeping MERCY for thousands , forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin , and that will by no means clear the guilty ; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children , and upon the children 's children , unto the third and to the fourth generation . God is a merciful God ! What is mercy ? It is simply God refusing to see your wrongs . We all need mercy in life . How do you attract mercy ? TPosted by Prophet Taiwo was at the airport awaiting to board a plane on his way to Benin for a crusade , he was a popular face on TV and radio and he was greatly respected . As he made his way to the aircraft people bowed and greeted him , he was used to the honor that came with his office as a prophet . The plane sailed smoothly through the air for the first fifteen minutes and then the turbulence started , the pilot 's voice burst through the speakers and he said " ladies and gentlemen we are flying at 80 , 000 feet above sea level and there is a thunderstorm , we are trying to avoid it but if we cannot please be prepared for the worst and pray for God 's intervention " Everyone started praying and screaming , Prophet Taiwo was quiet , he had been through worse , it would pass but then the plane started spinning in circles and everyone was screaming , Prophet Taiwo began to shout Jesus and suddenly the plane began to nose dive . Prophet Taiwo lost his cool and began to say " Sango gba mi , eyin to ni afefe e gbe mi ( Sango god of Thunder , save me , those who own the air carry me ) he was so lost in his incantations that he did not notice when the plane stabilized , he was the only person still chanting incantations to Sango the god of Thunder . It became clear to everyone that Prophet Taiwo was a fake prophet , he was not truly a man of God . Proverbs 24 : 10 MSG says if you fall to pieces in a crisis , there wasn 't much to you in the first place . You don 't know if you truly believe in God until you are faced with serious challenges , it is at that moment that the real you emerges . Would you began to call on Sango like Prophet Taiwo or you will stay with Jesus ? Take a minute to talk to yourself and tell yourself the truth ; do you really believe in Jesus or you are just fooling yourself ? Who you believe in determines if you will come out as a winner or a loser . Those who truly believe in Jesus never lose a battle ! With Jesus , victory is guaranteed ! I like to tell people who want to fight me that I have a 100 % success rate in battle , you cannot win me because Jesus will always fight for me ! Resist the temptation to run all over the place , focus on Jesus , that is where your salvation and deliverance will come from . You too can be a social media evangelist . Please share so that others can be blessed as you have been blessed . # ThankYouJesus Tithe from Every Transaction " Sir the accounts will never balance if we keep removing ten percent from every transaction " Michael looked at his accountant and smiled and then he said " you will not have a job soon if we stop removing that ten percent " Michael had come a long way in such a short time , his business was just five years old but they were listed as one of the Fortune 500 companies and he was the youngest on the Forbes list . Michael had a practice that all his accountants could never understand , he tithed from every transaction and transferred it to his church . The accountants felt it was not smart yet business got better every year . When I hear business men talk about feasibility studies and consumer behavior and how a particular amount of money will come back if they invest xyz amount I just laugh because in the world of business , NOTHING IS CERTAIN ! But when I see a business that tithes from every transaction , they have my attention . YOUR TITHE AND SEEDS ARE THE ONLY CERTAIN INVESTMENTS ON EARTH ! Sapphire Scents tithes from every kobo , we don 't spend money without first removing our tithe because we know what makes business work . Money is the god of this world , many people have learnt how to pray and fast but when it comes to money matters , they don 't believe that part of the bible . If you create the habit of worshipping God with your first and best when it comes to money , you will NEVER lack it ! God did not ask us to give Him money , He asked us to HONOR Him ! Proverbs 3 : 9 ( MSG ) says " Honor God with everything you own , give him the first and the best , your barns ( bank account ) will burst and your wine vats will brim over ! In those days they used barns for storage , today a barn will be your bank account . God says when you honor Him , increase is guaranteed ! Begin to practice this covenant in your business and see what will happen . This is not common sense , it is kingdom sense . You too can be a social media evangelist . Please share so that others can be blessed as you have been blessed . # ThankYouJesus Louisa was at the shopping mall when she ran into Wilson , the bags she was holding fell from her hands and she just stared at him , the noise of the bags made him turn and when he saw her , he smiled and spoke in that sexy voice that always held her spellbound , all the memories of the good times they spent together rushed back , she composed herself and whispered a faint " hi " . Wilson hugged her and then he got her number and he promised to stay in touch . He had been calling her everyday since then . Ladies ! When the fake shows up its because the real is close by . Don 't settle for an ex who treated you bad because he is apologizing . The same issues will come up again . There are good men and you don 't deserve second hand ! The only reason he is trying to get you back is because he is trying to see if he can still fool you . Stay with the man who has been there for you . Give your ex some time , he will fade out , he is not here for long , he came to test you . " It 's ok to stare " , she said with a smile . Nelson was very embarrassed and he began to apologize profusely . She was amused and she said " aww you are such a good man , I don 't meet many men like you , I can show you more " and then she pulled her skirt up a little bit more . Nelson began to sweat , he had never met any woman this beautiful and inviting in his entire life , all the alarms in his head went off . Before he knew what was happening , he found himself rubbing her thighs . By the time the plane landed , they found the nearest available hotel room and they did not stop till they had a good fill of each other . It was then that Nelson remembered that he didn 't even know her name . Few months later , Lucinda got pregnant and Nelson 's wife got to know and she packed her bags . It was as though all his success left with her because in just 2 months after she left , he lost everything he had . Lucinda didn 't stay as well , she moved on with her baby and he never heard from her again . I am talking to men this morning . The devil will not show up with 2 horns and a tail , he will show up as your biggest fantasy . The devil catches men in 2 ways ; money and women . If God helps you to resist temptation in these 2 areas , you are no longer a man you have become a god ! God said He would create a help meet or helper for man , what does a help meet or an helper mean literarily ? Rebekah typifies the exact picture of the word " helper " . Abraham wanted to marry a wife for Isaac and he told his chief servant Eliezer to go back to his family and pick a wife for Isaac . As Richard prospered , Ladi also prospered , the more he served faithfully , the more he prospered . In 3 months , Ladi had to move out of the boys quarters to his own apartment and in a year , he had built his own house . Ladi then decided to get married ; his wife didn 't like how he was always at the beck and call of Richard so she manipulated him and told him to break away and start his own business . Ladi followed his wife 's advise , Richard felt it was not right to release him yet but Ladi left arrogantly . The bible tells us that when Lot left Abraham , trouble began ; Abraham was the one who always had to save Lot from trouble all his life . The covenant promises that anyone associated with you will be blessed ! Those who serve you become blessed by God , your business associates become blessed as well , it also has another side ; those who curse you and make life difficult for you also become cursed by God ! Look around you , who do you admire the most ? Whose life inspires you ? Go and serve that man and watch the grace on his life flow to you . My 20 year dream is to see the Gospel preached to a billion people through the social media . You too can be a social media evangelist , kindly share and repost this Gospel of Jesus Christ so that others can be blessed just like you have been blessed . Thank you for reading . Shalom God told Solomon in 1 Kings 3 : 11 - 12 ( NLT ) So God replied , " BECAUSE you have asked for wisdom in governing my people with justice and have not asked for a long life or wealth or the death of your enemies - 12I will give you what you asked for ! I will give you a wise and understanding heart such as no one else has had or ever will have ! 13And I will also give you what you did not ask for - riches and fame ! No other king in all the world will be compared to you for the rest of your life ! Set your heart upon Jesus and love Him with all your heart , body and soul . The first proof of love is spending quality time together . Begin to spend time in prayer , singing worship songs and reading the bible . These are habits of people who love God and you will see your life transform . I was in traffic yesterday when I saw this really pretty lady sitting at the passenger side of a cab next to me . Her skin was beautiful and glistening under the sun , she wore a gold chain that sparkled as her skin glowed , she had a very attractive presence . As I appreciated God 's creative ability , she suddenly stuck her head out of the cab and released a professional spit ( ewwww ) , she spat on the road not minding that cars were everywhere and it could have fallen on a car . Does your mouth make noise when you eat ? Do you spit anyhow and everywhere ? Do you fight at weddings when you don 't get food ? Do you have body or mouth odor ? When Kore started dating Bella everything went wrong , he lost his job , lost his car and his life just went upside down till they broke up . Then he met Bola and things suddenly switched , money came to him so fast and so large that in few years he owned many businesses and estates . If you don 't know this by now you are a naive man . The presence of a wrong woman in your life can destroy you . The bible says in Proverbs 18 : 22 ( NIV ) He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD . One day of favor is equal to a lifetime of labor , the favor dimension will not let you struggle and you need that in your life as a man . One of the ways I knew that I had met my wife was that 2 weeks after we started dating , I bought my first Mercedes . If you have noticed that favor dimension then you need to protect and respect that woman . With wealth and success will come all sorts of people and even women who are suddenly attracted to you but be smart , don 't mess with God and your life by bringing in strange women , you can lose everything that way . May God help men in Jesus name . You too can be a social media evangelist . Please share so that others can be blessed as you have been blessed . # ThankYouJesus Your enemies will reward you more than your friends because they will reveal your weakness and you will have no choice than to be stronger and better . Imagine that you are a very fat person ; your friends won 't call you fat because they know it will hurt but your enemy wants to hurt you so she can decide to put up your picture on social media and say " I know the fattest woman in the world " . That will hurt but from there , you will begin to exercise and discipline yourself because you won 't want that kind of thing to hurt you again . So anytime you pick that bible and you read , you just met with Jesus ! The quality of the people you meet with determines the influence that is on your life . The bible says in Acts 4 : 13 ( ESV ) when they saw the boldness of Peter and John , and perceived that they were uneducated , common men , they were astonished . And they recognized that they had been with Jesus . Adam too did not go to school ! Did you know that man was created intelligent ? By default man knew physics and chemistry and biology but the fall of man through sin took that glory away . How do you go back to that level of intelligence ? The bible tells us in Job 32 : 8 ( NLT ) that there is a spirit within people , the breath of the Almighty within them makes them intelligent ! Let Jesus breathe into you ! Spend time with Jesus ! How do you spend time with Jesus ? Spend time with the Word ! The more of Jesus you know , the more anointed you will become . Aladejana , I am a Social Media Evangelist . I believe the Social Media is a veritable channel to promote the Gospel of Jesus Christ and I am privileged to be gifted and skilled to be God 's business man and ambassador to the world . I am a Certified Social Media Strategist from the prestigious Medill School of Journalism , Northwestern University , Evanston , Illinois , USA which has produced 38 Pulitzer Prize winners and I have a B . Sc Mass Communications with majors in Public Relations and Advertising from Bowen University . I also attended Kings College , Lagos and the International
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This weekend was the hardest funeral of my life and the nicest Sunday in a while . Although I spoke on a podium shaking , sharing a final public goodbye to my grandmother that was mostly based on my blog post , I walked off the stage into the arms of an amazing support system named L and a crowd of exciting , delighted progressive individuals . Completely exhausted , I managed to sleep in until noon the next day . Noon ! I did not know I was capable of such laziness . This will remain a rarity for a while , because Sunday reminded me how much I like to get stuff done . Counters were scrubbed and fridges were emptied , but fortunately I had flowers all over the house to cheer me up while doing it . L made a fantastic steak as I managed not to burn the mashed potatoes . I worked out to cheerful , up beat summer pop instead of angry rap . I realized that I need to raise my expectations for myself . Then , . . . damnit . No sleep until 6 am this morning . No reason , no stress , just confronted with the brevity of life ; even important ones . And here I am . And here are you . Let 's stroll into this week with smiles on our faces , shall we ? Just in case you cared about what I dream about at all , Claire asked ! Warning : I have weird dreams . But what makes the click worth it anyways is Claire 's unique look into dreams and interesting tidbits about what actually happens when we 're asleep . I don 't think I would ever frown with these bright , stripey shades . I think I might make a black and white pair , in fact ! . . . Fortunately , there 's also a 99 . 5 % you 're not . Also , Andrew Jackson was bad ass . Can we do this in Canada ? Capology : coming soon to a sociology class at a liberal arts college near you . " With his ZZ Top beard , battered cowboy hat and worn boots , Mr . Wells , 51 , looks like a native . But like many of his neighbors , he 's a recent transplant , a former fashion and catalog photographer , late of Manhattan and Columbia County . " Did I post these yet ? Om nom nom . . . . even if I have , just make them ! You know it 's a good day when someone posts this on your Facebook wall . You guuyyyyys there 's an election ! And it 's totally hip and young ! But . . . oh wait . . . No one cares . Fun fact : Apparently this was Barack & Michelle Obama 's first date . Maybe it 's completely wrong to post these right after that statement , but , uh , I find politically incorrect comics preeeeeettty funny ! But glad that there is no way any child of mine would ever see stuff like that . My new best friend , if she promises to lend me the dress . If she doesn 't , I have the ladies at the Hairpin ! They have been on fire this week with Kanyeisms and rose jello . But , they have to lend me their hat . . . Making it Lovely is consistently one of the nicest things about my day , all day every day . I am going back through the archives and screencapping almost everything . Lady is such a genius ! Every day you don 't like this on Facebook is a day wasted ; they have the best DIY projects ever . Every day you don 't listen to this song is a day wasted ; just because . & finally , what made me snort milk out of my nose . ( except maybe I shouldn ' 10 She might be gone by now , I do not know . I do not know when you will read this , or if my parents will actually fulfill their promise and text me after they have shed their tears no matter what hour of night it is . I am typing this out slowly , carefully , so that I am not mistaken for Meursault , whose existential crisis was mistaken for apathy . " Mother died today . Or , maybe , yesterday ; I can 't be sure . The telegram from the Home says : Your mother passed away . Funeral tomorrow . Deep sympathy . Which leaves the matter doubtful ; it could have been yesterday . " I have never sympathized with Meursault . I have never favoured a blasé approach to death , and especially not to life . But suddenly , at least I understand a little bit . I am filled with love and wonder and waiting for the sense of loss , which feels almost worse than the actual sense of loss , but in the meantime I have press releases to write and e - mails to reply to and meals to eat and exercise to keep me strong so I must not cry too hard . She could be in an intense amount of pain and questioning what will happen to her . Of course , we do not know , for we have given her all the relief science can give and that has made her mute . Or , of course , her mind could have mused its last thought a minute ago and now there is only silence where such a treasure was once found . She might be gone by now , I do not know . I would like to assign a numeric value created by some equation that is too complicated for me to figure out on my own but might multiply the number of minutes spent with someone by the number of surges in thought of someone 's brain so I could tell you how much of my life Gramma has effected . Although she will never know it , it is surely at least 70 % , which is remarkable for someone who has never lived with me . I was not a good grandchild . I did not see her every weekend , and since I turned 14 I have not even seen her every month . When she lost her memory , there was a great divide . She was a shell in my eyes , and it did not seem worth the pain to read to her when I was no different than someone who worked in her unit , and did not scare her with their offensive unfamiliarity . Still , sometimes when she was calm and having better days , I read to her , as she read to me when I was much smaller . For hours and hours she would turn her tongue as I listened attentively and did headstands , the energetic child that I was . From The Velveteen Rabbit to everything written by Mordecai Richler ever , she also appeared one day , fresh from Heathrow Airport , with one of the first copies of Harry Potter tucked into her arm . My mother had given her specific instructions for something else I wanted for my birthday . Another book that I do not even remember now . My pre - teen self accepted the novel gingerly , but never letting on a mild disappointment . And hour later , I was begging Gramma to keep reading , to finish the fifth chapter , then the sixth . Gramma always knew . The university I went to is small , liberal , and feminist , as well as the place where Gramma earned her doctorate . The Marimekko poppy pattern that I am now obsessed with was strewn all over her upstairs guest room . Mary , the name that many of you originally knew me by , is . . . was . . . her name . * There are rumours about her and Christopher Plummer . . . all I know for sure is that they chatted for a while at a dinner party . A very long while . She was always good at catching peoples ' attention . She danced in the front row of a jazz bands ' concert , and it did not surprise anyone when she went on to marry the trumpeter . Once she had her sights set on him and her laid eyes on her . . . well , you know . She was political long after the age that it was ' acceptable ' for women to be political at , whatever that is . With white hair she ran for the NDP and forever instilled the bias that work should be rewarded fairly , and the system of government we have does not guarantee that . Now , I will criticize the NDP when they are not the party my grandmother would have ran for . She knew what was worth fighting for . The prints and art on her walls exposed me to Andy Warhol at age five . The journals she bought me every year are the reason this blog is on the internet . I am an activist because she brought new refugees to the country to dinner , and let a couple and their family from Kosovo stay at her house when they first came to Canada , until they figured out a place to stay . She also did this with Japanese dancers while they performed , and Brazilian writers as they were passing through Halifax . There was always someone new in the bedroom that had been my grandfather 's drawing room until his death . Although countless souls stayed in there after , it was not until she packed up her house that she took the architectural sketches of boats to build down from the walls . Although she lost her memory and most of her ability to communicate when I was coming of age , it was then that she truly impacted me the most . No matter where I went , I would mention my last name and people would ask . . . " Oh my . You must be related to Mary ! " Artists , politicians , restaurant owners , musicians , gallery attendants , park managers ; they all knew her . And once they knew who I was , it was as if they knew me . Instead of writing me letters telling me how to live my life , my grandmother gave me a unique last name that introduced me to all the right people who helped me flourish after she could no longer speak with any clarity . One of the last times I went to see her , I brought the Roald Dalh Anthology , one of my favourite presents she ever gave me , and read to her the lesser known epic works of magic that Mr . Dalh had penned . The Minpins , The Twits , old favourites came out of my mouth until my throat went dry ; the same way she had read to me . She was not strewn across the couch doing acrobatics , but the familiarity of the scene and the reversal of the roles shook me for a long time . What kept me from bursting into a sad , cold sweat was the way she kept looking up at L as she grabbed onto his hand while I read . As he was not in my life until after the AlzheimerNever underestimate the power of a life . Never underestimate the power of a death . At almost twenty one , I have been granted the luxury of never having someone I was truly close to die . I have been to funerals of distant relatives and estranged cousins , a million times removed . I have known a tragic number of teenagers who had ended their life . My grandfather passed before I was even born . I did not think death was a new concept to me . But when my mother sent me a text message , " Can you come have dinner tonight ? " I almost said no . This sudden , startling request was unusual for an evening where she knew I was busy with work and papers and things that do not matter to me now . By the time I understood the request , I was in the car to go see her . I was completely unprepared , even though I had expected her death since I was fourteen . I was wearing one of her old scarves , and was carrying a huge bag proudly displaying the Marimekko print once scattered across her old house , purchased with a little money she had set aside for me , that Dad let me have when I flew to Toronto for a few days . I remember standing there with Lesley in a trendy little shop and telling her , " Isn 't this funny ! I have to snatch this up . It 's perfect . She 'll definitely recognize the pattern when she sees it . " She did not recognize the pattern . Or , maybe she did , and she just could not react at the time . I did not even think of these items as sentimental . They were things I wore every day . When my aunt touched the rich red and gold scarf and sighed , " This is so lovely , this was hers , wasn 't it ? " I went wide eyed and croaked out a quiet yes . I had almost forgotten its origins . What my aunt thought was a tribute to the perfect grandmother I was there to say goodbye to was actually a testament to just how much she had impacted my life . I cannot describe the sinking , slipping sensation when I touched her arm , because I could not hug her in her position . I had no epic final words . What I write now is everything I wish I could have said at the time , and might try to whisper again if there is a moment that I am allowed to see her before she leaves . If she has not left already . She might be gone by now , I do not know . I am not supposed to tell you any of this . This is supposed to be kept quiet ; my solemn father does not want to deal with countless phone calls from all the horrified well wishers that she would get during his last minutes with her . I do not think you know me , and I know you do not know her , but I wish you had . Mary loved raspberry chocolate chip ice cream ( purchased from the Greek convenience store down the road ) , living in an impeccably well kept old house that was too big for her on a gorgeous street ( the neighbours said it was too ' different ' when she painted it purple ) , countless shades of lipstick , the handmade jewelry she received when she send a micro loan to a womens ' organization in Uganda , art everywhere , books anywhere , things that were local , and things that were from very far away . When she stopped being able to create new memories , I was going through a rebellious faze where I had black hair and too much eyeliner on my face . I hope she does not remember me this way , if she does remember me . It is unlikely at this point . But my instance to believe in something tells me that she sees me now , and will see me later , and now how she improved me , and know how she shaped me . * * To donate to women in third world countries and help develop their small business like Mary did , click here . To see one of Mary 's favourite paintings , click here . To read about the party that Mary gave years of her life to supporting , click here . To donate to help find a cure for one of the most tragic diseases to see someone suffer through , click here . To donate to Japan ( and every other part of the world ) as Mary would , click here . She once housed three Japanese dancers when they came to Halifax to perform . She always wanted to go back and visit them . Yoko , Ora , and Sana , wherever you are , I hope you are safe . * Worth noting : My other grandmother is named the same . No wonder I was named Mary . It is now my middle name to avoid confusion . * * HAHAHA . Yes , when I was 14 I really did think I was cool . Cleaning , the best thing about gallery openings , and why people hate taking their picture with me . Yesterday night , after a day of walking though impossibly charming neighborhoods to look at less than charming flats ( I am increasingly picky ) and cleaning out all the nooks of our current abode ( it sparkles ! ) , L threw a plate of salmon and lightly cooked vegetables in front of me and we ate and ate and ate . Today I feel like I could drop kick Chuck Norris from here to Talamazoo . * An overflowing " to reply to " email folder at work , two ( much nicer looking ) house viewings , and my taunting exercise bike better watch their backs ! Normally I speak of the weekend with glee and whimsy , starting Monday off with a cup of tea . Not today . Won 't you kick Monday 's ass with me ? In case you were wondering what I 'm doing this summer , Real Simple has provided a handy guide for you . I AM PAINTING EVERYTHING I OWN . AND IT WILL LOOK GREAT . Just in case I run out of stuff to paint and start to put brush strokes on inappropriate things unconsciously ( the boyfriend ? a cat ? ) there 's still 102 other things for me to do . . . except for maybe that tutu . Weird . Obama 's in . McCain is merely an utterance . This is still funny . Your next few profiles pictures , courtesy of me . I never really needed another excuse to want to go to Japan , but The Huffington Post has pretty much convinced me that every minute I 'm not there is a minute of my life I 've wasted . AHHH . I ' VE WASTED MY LIFE . WHY AM I NOT IN JAPAN . . . . I really like trains a lot , okay ? Maybe when I 'm there ( oh God I 'm wasting my life right now ) I can help contribute to the splendifferousness that is ceci . Jane Feltes from This American Life who is like some kind of lady - god ( not a goddess because lady - god is sooo much trendier and she 's the pinnacle of trendy awesome hip . Lady is a cool word nowadays , right ? Am I my mom yet ? Don 't answer that . ) has helped me demand a raise in allowance . Every Friday . " While it 's true exaggerated characters can provide entertainment , it seems like if you 're going to give a pass to this sort of thing , you have to make sure you 're completely objective and open about all of the media you consume , not just the things that happen to not offend you . Conversely , if you 're going to criticize Tyler , make sure you 're holding your other entertainment figures to the same standard . ( And if you 're going to criticize Tyler , make sure there 's never been an occasion when you 've been cool with Eminem and his music , because , well , as I said above , Eminem 's probably been more detrimental to women - if not directly , then at least by way of influence - than some random some kid who 's sort of popular on the internet . ) " - Another Hairpin gem ( just read the whole website already please ? ) Although I don 't really know about the specific phenomenom in which they talk about , the whole thing smells of tru dat material . Katie is all over the early spring in Europe shebang , and so am I . Kind of . I hate chambray and button up shirts don 't fit me . Oh well . STRIPES STRIPES STRIPES . NOT WINTER COATS . Thank gosh . Also , the fonts in the video slay me ever so much . I wish I could use them to turn in essays . " Bernais and Propaganda : NBD ? " made much more fun . " The smugness isn 't limited to the Bay Street whiz kids , though . Resource - rich Alberta is smug in believing America has no choice but to buy its oil . And while it 's difficult to see what options U . S . motorists have at the moment , any time a seller believes the customer " has no choice , " it 's bound to end badly . Globalization is no longer just about factory jobs moving to Asia . It 's affecting everything - resources , banking , high - tech services , the whole shebang . Everything is getting bigger , faster and cruelly cost efficient . Fibre - optic cables spanning the continents have made geography irrelevant . " - Stuff to think about , and hopefully a bit of advice for picking your major in university Awkward . Hillarious . Awkwallarious ? Amazing . I 'm too short and too awkward to count , but if you are supa glamz and hip and live in France or even Argentina or somewhere cooler Garance can show you how its done . I need learn speekee guude . Please please please . You 've probably already seen this , because Emily is ubiquitous in the blogging community , but just in case , she totally had me at breakfast . And pizza . This is being posted because it is the perfect combination of Nicole and I . I like to think of a world where we can sit on a couch somewhere and watch this and high five with glee . Until then : kitty videos . Cellphone ? No bank account ? Mind blown . Ahhh , but at least they reassembled it . And then blew it again . Wish me the same luck that I wish you ! Remember ; there are a million asses out there . You only need to kick one to feel accomplished . Even metaphorical ones count . Happy Monday ! PS : Any budding graphic designers out there ? Send me an email . Let 's talk . * Talamazoo is a fictitious country my grandmother made up for me to race to when I was a hurried little five year old . I do not know the origins , but I could probably dropkick Chuck Norris there . 12 The sleekest and sexiest ( in the weirdest way , of course ) show up and even if champagne is not present everyone acts like there is . You might break dress code without meaning to ; creative dress really means how creatively can you wear black ? I felt so fat surrounded by all these glorious bird like creatures last night that I wanted to cry . Lipstick can only go so far , and does not make my chin feel any less awkwardly misshapen on my face . Wrap dresses do not give me Michelle Obama 's arms . High heels do not make my stomach less round . Coming to terms with things about me changing , regardless of whether I gain or lose weight , is impossibly hard . Hours on the exercise bike will not change the way my face is developing . I was in loathing with the body I once had . Now I want every aspect of the old me back . Getting older feels so awkward at twenty . My feet are growing . My neck is elongating . Will I maybe reach 5 ' some day ? I am not going to tell you that you just have to accept yourself as perfect just the way you are , although you probably should . This also is not the place where you are going to find print outs with nice font that you fill out and write all the things you like about your body . I do not have answers , I do not have confidence stored in a delightful box that I can throw off in your direction , I do not have a head that I can hold high and pretend it is all okay right now . No , keep eating and do not think that a growl in your stomach is any kind of self improvement . No , keep going to gallery parties even if you feel alienated by beautiful creatures that you do not even feel part of the same species . The art is on the walls , not striding around from piece to piece . No matter who you are , there is something inside you that warms your heart and makes you feel indomitable . Hold on to it with every thing you have inside you . Use it to focus on what is happening around you , not who . Look at the beauty in life instead of the beauty of other people . Never let go of it . Never let go . Tonight I am going to ride my exercise bike for a few hours while watching a movie . In the long run , this will solve nothing but to assure me that I am doing everything I can from feeling awful . Even so , I will not feel assured . There is no solution but you are not alone . I am here for you . I feel your pain . I know we both know what each other is going through . You are not alone . 9
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This weekend was the hardest funeral of my life and the nicest Sunday in a while . Although I spoke on a podium shaking , sharing a final public goodbye to my grandmother that was mostly based on my blog post , I walked off the stage into the arms of an amazing support system named L and a crowd of exciting , delighted progressive individuals . Completely exhausted , I managed to sleep in until noon the next day . Noon ! I did not know I was capable of such laziness . This will remain a rarity for a while , because Sunday reminded me how much I like to get stuff done . Counters were scrubbed and fridges were emptied , but fortunately I had flowers all over the house to cheer me up while doing it . L made a fantastic steak as I managed not to burn the mashed potatoes . I worked out to cheerful , up beat summer pop instead of angry rap . I realized that I need to raise my expectations for myself . Then , . . . damnit . No sleep until 6 am this morning . No reason , no stress , just confronted with the brevity of life ; even important ones . And here I am . And here are you . Let 's stroll into this week with smiles on our faces , shall we ? Just in case you cared about what I dream about at all , Claire asked ! Warning : I have weird dreams . But what makes the click worth it anyways is Claire 's unique look into dreams and interesting tidbits about what actually happens when we 're asleep . I don 't think I would ever frown with these bright , stripey shades . I think I might make a black and white pair , in fact ! . . . Fortunately , there 's also a 99 . 5 % you 're not . Also , Andrew Jackson was bad ass . Can we do this in Canada ? Capology : coming soon to a sociology class at a liberal arts college near you . " With his ZZ Top beard , battered cowboy hat and worn boots , Mr . Wells , 51 , looks like a native . But like many of his neighbors , he 's a recent transplant , a former fashion and catalog photographer , late of Manhattan and Columbia County . " Did I post these yet ? Om nom nom . . . . even if I have , just make them ! You know it 's a good day when someone posts this on your Facebook wall . You guuyyyyys there 's an election ! And it 's totally hip and young ! But . . . oh wait . . . No one cares . Fun fact : Apparently this was Barack & Michelle Obama 's first date . Maybe it 's completely wrong to post these right after that statement , but , uh , I find politically incorrect comics preeeeeettty funny ! But glad that there is no way any child of mine would ever see stuff like that . My new best friend , if she promises to lend me the dress . If she doesn 't , I have the ladies at the Hairpin ! They have been on fire this week with Kanyeisms and rose jello . But , they have to lend me their hat . . . Making it Lovely is consistently one of the nicest things about my day , all day every day . I am going back through the archives and screencapping almost everything . Lady is such a genius ! Every day you don 't like this on Facebook is a day wasted ; they have the best DIY projects ever . Every day you don 't listen to this song is a day wasted ; just because . & finally , what made me snort milk out of my nose . ( except maybe I shouldn ' 10 She might be gone by now , I do not know . I do not know when you will read this , or if my parents will actually fulfill their promise and text me after they have shed their tears no matter what hour of night it is . I am typing this out slowly , carefully , so that I am not mistaken for Meursault , whose existential crisis was mistaken for apathy . " Mother died today . Or , maybe , yesterday ; I can 't be sure . The telegram from the Home says : Your mother passed away . Funeral tomorrow . Deep sympathy . Which leaves the matter doubtful ; it could have been yesterday . " I have never sympathized with Meursault . I have never favoured a blasé approach to death , and especially not to life . But suddenly , at least I understand a little bit . I am filled with love and wonder and waiting for the sense of loss , which feels almost worse than the actual sense of loss , but in the meantime I have press releases to write and e - mails to reply to and meals to eat and exercise to keep me strong so I must not cry too hard . She could be in an intense amount of pain and questioning what will happen to her . Of course , we do not know , for we have given her all the relief science can give and that has made her mute . Or , of course , her mind could have mused its last thought a minute ago and now there is only silence where such a treasure was once found . She might be gone by now , I do not know . I would like to assign a numeric value created by some equation that is too complicated for me to figure out on my own but might multiply the number of minutes spent with someone by the number of surges in thought of someone 's brain so I could tell you how much of my life Gramma has effected . Although she will never know it , it is surely at least 70 % , which is remarkable for someone who has never lived with me . I was not a good grandchild . I did not see her every weekend , and since I turned 14 I have not even seen her every month . When she lost her memory , there was a great divide . She was a shell in my eyes , and it did not seem worth the pain to read to her when I was no different than someone who worked in her unit , and did not scare her with their offensive unfamiliarity . Still , sometimes when she was calm and having better days , I read to her , as she read to me when I was much smaller . For hours and hours she would turn her tongue as I listened attentively and did headstands , the energetic child that I was . From The Velveteen Rabbit to everything written by Mordecai Richler ever , she also appeared one day , fresh from Heathrow Airport , with one of the first copies of Harry Potter tucked into her arm . My mother had given her specific instructions for something else I wanted for my birthday . Another book that I do not even remember now . My pre - teen self accepted the novel gingerly , but never letting on a mild disappointment . And hour later , I was begging Gramma to keep reading , to finish the fifth chapter , then the sixth . Gramma always knew . The university I went to is small , liberal , and feminist , as well as the place where Gramma earned her doctorate . The Marimekko poppy pattern that I am now obsessed with was strewn all over her upstairs guest room . Mary , the name that many of you originally knew me by , is . . . was . . . her name . * There are rumours about her and Christopher Plummer . . . all I know for sure is that they chatted for a while at a dinner party . A very long while . She was always good at catching peoples ' attention . She danced in the front row of a jazz bands ' concert , and it did not surprise anyone when she went on to marry the trumpeter . Once she had her sights set on him and her laid eyes on her . . . well , you know . She was political long after the age that it was ' acceptable ' for women to be political at , whatever that is . With white hair she ran for the NDP and forever instilled the bias that work should be rewarded fairly , and the system of government we have does not guarantee that . Now , I will criticize the NDP when they are not the party my grandmother would have ran for . She knew what was worth fighting for . The prints and art on her walls exposed me to Andy Warhol at age five . The journals she bought me every year are the reason this blog is on the internet . I am an activist because she brought new refugees to the country to dinner , and let a couple and their family from Kosovo stay at her house when they first came to Canada , until they figured out a place to stay . She also did this with Japanese dancers while they performed , and Brazilian writers as they were passing through Halifax . There was always someone new in the bedroom that had been my grandfather 's drawing room until his death . Although countless souls stayed in there after , it was not until she packed up her house that she took the architectural sketches of boats to build down from the walls . Although she lost her memory and most of her ability to communicate when I was coming of age , it was then that she truly impacted me the most . No matter where I went , I would mention my last name and people would ask . . . " Oh my . You must be related to Mary ! " Artists , politicians , restaurant owners , musicians , gallery attendants , park managers ; they all knew her . And once they knew who I was , it was as if they knew me . Instead of writing me letters telling me how to live my life , my grandmother gave me a unique last name that introduced me to all the right people who helped me flourish after she could no longer speak with any clarity . One of the last times I went to see her , I brought the Roald Dalh Anthology , one of my favourite presents she ever gave me , and read to her the lesser known epic works of magic that Mr . Dalh had penned . The Minpins , The Twits , old favourites came out of my mouth until my throat went dry ; the same way she had read to me . She was not strewn across the couch doing acrobatics , but the familiarity of the scene and the reversal of the roles shook me for a long time . What kept me from bursting into a sad , cold sweat was the way she kept looking up at L as she grabbed onto his hand while I read . As he was not in my life until after the AlzheimerNever underestimate the power of a life . Never underestimate the power of a death . At almost twenty one , I have been granted the luxury of never having someone I was truly close to die . I have been to funerals of distant relatives and estranged cousins , a million times removed . I have known a tragic number of teenagers who had ended their life . My grandfather passed before I was even born . I did not think death was a new concept to me . But when my mother sent me a text message , " Can you come have dinner tonight ? " I almost said no . This sudden , startling request was unusual for an evening where she knew I was busy with work and papers and things that do not matter to me now . By the time I understood the request , I was in the car to go see her . I was completely unprepared , even though I had expected her death since I was fourteen . I was wearing one of her old scarves , and was carrying a huge bag proudly displaying the Marimekko print once scattered across her old house , purchased with a little money she had set aside for me , that Dad let me have when I flew to Toronto for a few days . I remember standing there with Lesley in a trendy little shop and telling her , " Isn 't this funny ! I have to snatch this up . It 's perfect . She 'll definitely recognize the pattern when she sees it . " She did not recognize the pattern . Or , maybe she did , and she just could not react at the time . I did not even think of these items as sentimental . They were things I wore every day . When my aunt touched the rich red and gold scarf and sighed , " This is so lovely , this was hers , wasn 't it ? " I went wide eyed and croaked out a quiet yes . I had almost forgotten its origins . What my aunt thought was a tribute to the perfect grandmother I was there to say goodbye to was actually a testament to just how much she had impacted my life . I cannot describe the sinking , slipping sensation when I touched her arm , because I could not hug her in her position . I had no epic final words . What I write now is everything I wish I could have said at the time , and might try to whisper again if there is a moment that I am allowed to see her before she leaves . If she has not left already . She might be gone by now , I do not know . I am not supposed to tell you any of this . This is supposed to be kept quiet ; my solemn father does not want to deal with countless phone calls from all the horrified well wishers that she would get during his last minutes with her . I do not think you know me , and I know you do not know her , but I wish you had . Mary loved raspberry chocolate chip ice cream ( purchased from the Greek convenience store down the road ) , living in an impeccably well kept old house that was too big for her on a gorgeous street ( the neighbours said it was too ' different ' when she painted it purple ) , countless shades of lipstick , the handmade jewelry she received when she send a micro loan to a womens ' organization in Uganda , art everywhere , books anywhere , things that were local , and things that were from very far away . When she stopped being able to create new memories , I was going through a rebellious faze where I had black hair and too much eyeliner on my face . I hope she does not remember me this way , if she does remember me . It is unlikely at this point . But my instance to believe in something tells me that she sees me now , and will see me later , and now how she improved me , and know how she shaped me . * * To donate to women in third world countries and help develop their small business like Mary did , click here . To see one of Mary 's favourite paintings , click here . To read about the party that Mary gave years of her life to supporting , click here . To donate to help find a cure for one of the most tragic diseases to see someone suffer through , click here . To donate to Japan ( and every other part of the world ) as Mary would , click here . She once housed three Japanese dancers when they came to Halifax to perform . She always wanted to go back and visit them . Yoko , Ora , and Sana , wherever you are , I hope you are safe . * Worth noting : My other grandmother is named the same . No wonder I was named Mary . It is now my middle name to avoid confusion . * * HAHAHA . Yes , when I was 14 I really did think I was cool . Cleaning , the best thing about gallery openings , and why people hate taking their picture with me . Yesterday night , after a day of walking though impossibly charming neighborhoods to look at less than charming flats ( I am increasingly picky ) and cleaning out all the nooks of our current abode ( it sparkles ! ) , L threw a plate of salmon and lightly cooked vegetables in front of me and we ate and ate and ate . Today I feel like I could drop kick Chuck Norris from here to Talamazoo . * An overflowing " to reply to " email folder at work , two ( much nicer looking ) house viewings , and my taunting exercise bike better watch their backs ! Normally I speak of the weekend with glee and whimsy , starting Monday off with a cup of tea . Not today . Won 't you kick Monday 's ass with me ? In case you were wondering what I 'm doing this summer , Real Simple has provided a handy guide for you . I AM PAINTING EVERYTHING I OWN . AND IT WILL LOOK GREAT . Just in case I run out of stuff to paint and start to put brush strokes on inappropriate things unconsciously ( the boyfriend ? a cat ? ) there 's still 102 other things for me to do . . . except for maybe that tutu . Weird . Obama 's in . McCain is merely an utterance . This is still funny . Your next few profiles pictures , courtesy of me . I never really needed another excuse to want to go to Japan , but The Huffington Post has pretty much convinced me that every minute I 'm not there is a minute of my life I 've wasted . AHHH . I ' VE WASTED MY LIFE . WHY AM I NOT IN JAPAN . . . . I really like trains a lot , okay ? Maybe when I 'm there ( oh God I 'm wasting my life right now ) I can help contribute to the splendifferousness that is ceci . Jane Feltes from This American Life who is like some kind of lady - god ( not a goddess because lady - god is sooo much trendier and she 's the pinnacle of trendy awesome hip . Lady is a cool word nowadays , right ? Am I my mom yet ? Don 't answer that . ) has helped me demand a raise in allowance . Every Friday . " While it 's true exaggerated characters can provide entertainment , it seems like if you 're going to give a pass to this sort of thing , you have to make sure you 're completely objective and open about all of the media you consume , not just the things that happen to not offend you . Conversely , if you 're going to criticize Tyler , make sure you 're holding your other entertainment figures to the same standard . ( And if you 're going to criticize Tyler , make sure there 's never been an occasion when you 've been cool with Eminem and his music , because , well , as I said above , Eminem 's probably been more detrimental to women - if not directly , then at least by way of influence - than some random some kid who 's sort of popular on the internet . ) " - Another Hairpin gem ( just read the whole website already please ? ) Although I don 't really know about the specific phenomenom in which they talk about , the whole thing smells of tru dat material . Katie is all over the early spring in Europe shebang , and so am I . Kind of . I hate chambray and button up shirts don 't fit me . Oh well . STRIPES STRIPES STRIPES . NOT WINTER COATS . Thank gosh . Also , the fonts in the video slay me ever so much . I wish I could use them to turn in essays . " Bernais and Propaganda : NBD ? " made much more fun . " The smugness isn 't limited to the Bay Street whiz kids , though . Resource - rich Alberta is smug in believing America has no choice but to buy its oil . And while it 's difficult to see what options U . S . motorists have at the moment , any time a seller believes the customer " has no choice , " it 's bound to end badly . Globalization is no longer just about factory jobs moving to Asia . It 's affecting everything - resources , banking , high - tech services , the whole shebang . Everything is getting bigger , faster and cruelly cost efficient . Fibre - optic cables spanning the continents have made geography irrelevant . " - Stuff to think about , and hopefully a bit of advice for picking your major in university Awkward . Hillarious . Awkwallarious ? Amazing . I 'm too short and too awkward to count , but if you are supa glamz and hip and live in France or even Argentina or somewhere cooler Garance can show you how its done . I need learn speekee guude . Please please please . You 've probably already seen this , because Emily is ubiquitous in the blogging community , but just in case , she totally had me at breakfast . And pizza . This is being posted because it is the perfect combination of Nicole and I . I like to think of a world where we can sit on a couch somewhere and watch this and high five with glee . Until then : kitty videos . Cellphone ? No bank account ? Mind blown . Ahhh , but at least they reassembled it . And then blew it again . Wish me the same luck that I wish you ! Remember ; there are a million asses out there . You only need to kick one to feel accomplished . Even metaphorical ones count . Happy Monday ! PS : Any budding graphic designers out there ? Send me an email . Let 's talk . * Talamazoo is a fictitious country my grandmother made up for me to race to when I was a hurried little five year old . I do not know the origins , but I could probably dropkick Chuck Norris there . 12 The sleekest and sexiest ( in the weirdest way , of course ) show up and even if champagne is not present everyone acts like there is . You might break dress code without meaning to ; creative dress really means how creatively can you wear black ? I felt so fat surrounded by all these glorious bird like creatures last night that I wanted to cry . Lipstick can only go so far , and does not make my chin feel any less awkwardly misshapen on my face . Wrap dresses do not give me Michelle Obama 's arms . High heels do not make my stomach less round . Coming to terms with things about me changing , regardless of whether I gain or lose weight , is impossibly hard . Hours on the exercise bike will not change the way my face is developing . I was in loathing with the body I once had . Now I want every aspect of the old me back . Getting older feels so awkward at twenty . My feet are growing . My neck is elongating . Will I maybe reach 5 ' some day ? I am not going to tell you that you just have to accept yourself as perfect just the way you are , although you probably should . This also is not the place where you are going to find print outs with nice font that you fill out and write all the things you like about your body . I do not have answers , I do not have confidence stored in a delightful box that I can throw off in your direction , I do not have a head that I can hold high and pretend it is all okay right now . No , keep eating and do not think that a growl in your stomach is any kind of self improvement . No , keep going to gallery parties even if you feel alienated by beautiful creatures that you do not even feel part of the same species . The art is on the walls , not striding around from piece to piece . No matter who you are , there is something inside you that warms your heart and makes you feel indomitable . Hold on to it with every thing you have inside you . Use it to focus on what is happening around you , not who . Look at the beauty in life instead of the beauty of other people . Never let go of it . Never let go . Tonight I am going to ride my exercise bike for a few hours while watching a movie . In the long run , this will solve nothing but to assure me that I am doing everything I can from feeling awful . Even so , I will not feel assured . There is no solution but you are not alone . I am here for you . I feel your pain . I know we both know what each other is going through . You are not alone . 9
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I swear his car has a target painted on it . This is the third time in two years that it 's been damaged . . . once while it was parked outside his office , not even being driven . Never his fault . Since she hit my door , I 'm the one who 's battered and bruised . Trying to figure out if the pain in my wrist is from something I did , or from the accident . This really is not the day for me to have to rest my wrist - - I have work to do . For orthopedic reasons , I am not to do certain things , which makes cleaning impossible . I hired an agency , and got none of the services I paid extra for . She apparently spent hours wiping down an already - clean counter . State Labor Code assigns a value for room and board , for husband and wife roughly $ 1200 / month . At $ 20 / hour , I should have gotten 60 hours work a month . Everything on my lists could have been taken care of with no more than 3 days concerted effort by two healthy people . along with supposed chronic fatigue syndrome . It 's not " supposed " , it 's officially diagnosed since 1988 . It supports her professional victimhood to insinuate that I 'm pretending to be sick in order to make her do my chores . They received adequate compensation , worth $ 1200 / month , and since they were compensated , it matters not one bit whether I can or cannot do the chores that I hired them to do . I hire friends to work in my business , and they certainly don 't consider themselves put upon when they are paid for doing work that I " could " do myself . They saw the condition a week before . If they thought it would be impossible to clean , they could have refused to move in . ( since we had a car and she doesn 't drive , she considered chauffeur service to shop part of the deal ) Despite their admitted financial problems , several times a week THEY wanted to go shopping , and because they didn 't know their way around town , they asked me to navigate . I bought everything I needed in one trip . A couple days later , THEY needed to go back , and I went with them just to get out of the house . The only shopping I remember instigating was going to the grocery store to buy the things they like to eat . They were allowed to buy anything , even expensive things that I never buy for myself , including expensive energy drinks by the case . Does that sound like they were being taken advantage of ? she kept undoing anything that was done ( she 'd even manage to reclutter walkways as fast as I 'd clear them The first person to clean the dining room brought me a bunch of mail she found under the table . All addressed to them . Another envelope with a note tucked under the seat cushion . Two healthy people who couldn 't be bothered to put their trash in the trash can a couple feet away . They threw more stuff on the floor than I did . All MY trash went in the trashcan . I get a text message at work from her cell phone . " PLEASE CALL " , all caps ( not typical ) . " Not typical " because for months I told her I could not send text messages to her new phone . Just one week before , she confirmed that the text message that bounced back was never received . If I 've been telling her for months that I cannot text her , how does she leap to the conclusion this is a text message ? I 'm about 15 miles away and do not have the car . Which is precisely why it makes absolutely no sense for me to have contacted her in an emergency . There were other people who could get here faster , with a car . This logic totally escapes her . I call the local police . . . and ask them to have someone check on her , giving the medical picture and the info about the unusual text message . Described to the police by Seanette as the " Secret Emergency Code " . Again , we had had a number of discussions about this over the prior six months . She was fixated on having a code , and I repeatedly told her I could communicate more information faster via voice mail . I never agreed to a code and had no idea what the code was when the police asked . The police could not for the life of them figure out how any rational person could interpret " please call < my number > " as " call 911 " and asked " is she some sort of kook ? " ( their word ) Crucial information was left out . I called her at 10 : 17 and she didn 't call back till 10 : 55 . Had she told the police this , the neighbor could have told them I left her house at 10 : 50 . This critical information would have made a difference in the police response was withheld so she could insist they break in to " rescue me " . The police were led to believe I never leave the house , the only reason for me to not answer the phone / door was medical emergency . Seanette knows that I go to the doctor , to lunch with friends , go shopping , and was babysitting for neighbors . All that was concealed . Once the police had ALL the facts , not just her lies , there was discussion of filing charges for making a false police report . A bit later , I get a call from then _ friend herself , going nuclear on me because the health department was called in by the police after they broke in and saw the place ( turned out she was having lunch with her boyfriend ) . Turned out , at the time she called , 10 : 55 AM , I had been at a doctor appointment , and he requires all cell phones to be turned off . She knew that I was seeing a doctor , but didn 't tell the police that there was a reasonable explanation why I wouldn 't be home . The only place they would have gotten the impression I 'm 100 % housebound was from her , because the neighbors see me out and about . It was quite clear from that conversation that what Seanette wanted was a headline " Clever Heroine Saves Friend 's Life " . For someone who was supposedly so concerned about my wellbeing , her own words prove she 's lying . . . at no time during our conversation did she ever say anything about " thank God you 're OK " . She was more concerned with trying to elicit praise . Again , Seanette 's version of the facts is not what she was told . I planned to leave voicemail but somehow wound up at the option to leave a numeric page . was bitching about how I 'd even known about the call while at work ( so why 'd she call then , anyway ? She knew my schedule ) Doesn 't this sentence contradict her whole argument ? If it was a medical emergency , why wouldn 't I have wanted her to know immediately " while at work " ? And if I knew she 'd be at work without a car , why would I be stupid enough to contact her to deal with a medical emergency ? This excuse makes absolutely no sense . I knew she rarely , if ever , had the car at work and it takes her over an hour to get here by bus . No one in their right mind would call someone an hour away to deal with a medical emergency requiring immediate attention . But she 'd like you to believe that I am that stupid , hoping you lack the critical thinking skills to figure out the fallacy of her explanation . In fact , there was someone less than 50 feet away , with a car , who could have responded to any medical emergency within seconds . Another neighbor is home sporadically throughout the day , and only a few feet further away . There were people closer , with keys to the house , more logical to call in a crisis . Anyone want to see the receipts ? The documents prove who is lying here . But she wouldn 't get that sympathy a professional victim craves if she told the truth that I paid the bills but asked her to take responsibility for her screw - up . Let 's get this straight . This is a small house , 880 square feet , with 6 rooms . Two months , 60 days , averages out to 10 days per room . Two healthy people should have been able to do the job in a couple days . Even if there were boxes stacked floor - to - ceiling in every square foot of the house , it would not have taken 10 days per room to carry them to the basement . In fact , the room with the most boxes only had about a dozen . The witness testified that the condition of the house deteriorated significantly while they lived here . The living room was clean and entirely usable when they moved in . After each shopping trip , the piles of bags got higher , because all the purchases ( except what needed to go in the fridge ) were simply dumped on the love seat , until it overflowed , and then dumped on the couch . Neither of them made any effort to put anything away , or carry the bags to the correct room so I could put it away . After living here 2 . 5 months , they were still claiming that they " don 't know where it goes " . College - educated people cannot figure out that canned goods belong on the kitchen shelf with the canned goods ? Maybe they ARE that stupid . . . they moved my extra canned goods from the kitchen to the dining room , apparently believing that was more convenient . If you want to talk about " screaming " , Seanette , let 's discuss that charming episode where you were politely asked to stop throwing away the receipts I needed to do my business taxes , and you ran screaming from the room , shrieking that I should stop criticizing you , and slammed the door . Your own husband confirmed that I asked quietly and politely and that you over - reacted to a reasonable request . You sulked because I wouldn 't apologize for making a reasonable request in a reasonable tone of voice that you stop throwing away my financial records , an act that would get me in trouble with the IRS . Yes , let 's talk about stress and verbal abuse . Before you moved , you were specifically told that it was OK to give my phone number to your friends and relatives , but that I did not want to get any calls from your creditors . Almost immediately , I started getting phone calls from your credit card companies , including one woman who called 8 or 10 times a day , and screamed at me that I was lying when I said that I was not Mrs . Blaylock . I took all sorts of verbal abuse from that woman , because neither of you wanted to talk to her , for days on end being called a deadbeat and a liar for bills that weren 't even mine . It took my going all the way to the president of the company before anyone bothered to confirm that I was telling the truth that both the address and the phone number are registered to a last name other than Blaylock . The only malice involved is by you , Seanette . You were given ample opportunity to make amends , to volunteer to chip in toward the expenses of this fiasco , and you repeatedly refused to do anything to fix the problem you caused . Then you made threats that if I didn 't do what you wanted , you 'd call the other lawyer and volunteer to sell her your ( fictionalized ) testimony . Meli called you on your first threat as soon as you made it , and warned you that there could be legal consequences to your actions . In fact , this could have " gone away " at the courthouse the other day if you had simply said " I 'm really sorry , I did something really stupid . " Instead , after the judge ordered that both sides had to talk in the hallway to try to settle , you walked away and refused to comply with that court order . if I cough up over $ 2000 I don 't have What makes you think that I have $ 2000 to pay for your mistake ? Bob locked the front door - he 's absolutely positive he did - and went in another room . He heard the door rattling , and when he checked , the door was unlocked . On another occasion , Seanette teased me about my compulsiveness in double - and triple - checking the front door to be sure it was locked before I went to bed . The next morning , the door was unlocked . Reach your own conclusion about whether this is " paranoia " about an ex who has " no interest " in coming around , or whether the facts add up to a reasonable inference that someone was unlocking the door . She has to make you believe that I 'm the one with the screw loose so that you won 't analyze HER actions too closely . that I never lifted a finger when I was staying there ( also totally false That 's true , it 's totally false that I said Seanette " never lifted a finger " . What I said was that very little was actually done , and that the net result was a deterioration in the condition of the house . The house was in pretty good shape the first time you saw it , in 2001 . The house was in much better shape when you moved in than when you moved out . ( See comment to 11 / 1 / 05 blog post from the witness that Seanette tried desperately to prevent from testifying . ) It went downhill after you moved out because you had put stuff in front of EVERY cupboard , drawer and closet , to ensure I could not put anything away on my own . Just as previously , the hired cleaners wouldn 't move those boxes for me , the agency rules don 't allow it . I 'm getting a battle I didn 't want and don 't need . ( sigh ) Yes , let 's talk about blackmail and extortion . I promised them 2 months free room and board in exchange for cleaning , with the option ( my decision ) to extend the agreement if things were going well . I wasn 't satisfied with the amount of cleaning being done , so I didn 't extend it . I immediately got all sorts of guilt trips that they had nowhere to go and manipulation trying to convince me that , after living on my own for years , I was unable to live alone and would die without them here . What they didn 't tell me until I made it clear that they were going to move out regardless , was that their church would pay their rent . They wouldn 't have been homeless if I hadn 't invited them to move in . After the phone call to the police , Seanette made statements that a mutual friend interpreted as " threats " . I have never made threats to her . The most telling proof that this was not as accidental as she wants you to believe is that a few days before , she stopped by here to borrow $ 80 , and said something about making ME " shovel out this place " A couple days later , voila , she figured out how . The judge could have easily checked to prove that you were lying , if he hadn 't ruled against your outburst by pointing out that no lawyer would risk being disbarred for lying in a Small Claims case . This was the most laughable part of the whole day , the judge and court personnel reacting to your desperate attempt to keep out the testimony of the one person with nothing to gain or lose by telling the truth . Even after the judge told you that there was no reason he could not testify as a witness , you kept trying to convince the judge that he shouldn 't be allowed to speak . * * I have to think that if * - * at this point * - * he was still entertaining any possibility of finding against us , that he would have given us further opportunity to explain ourselves . At that point , the judge had seen the desperate lengths you 'd go to to prevent the truth from coming to light , and probably had had enough of your lies . The documents proved that you 'll twist the truth : e - mails in 2004 discussing that you were to clean the house , and e - mails from 2005 in which you denied that you agreed to clean . Tags : abuse , fraud , perjury I find it particularly amusing that she claims that a 6 - room , 880 square foot house cannot be cleaned by two healthy people in 60 days . That 's 10 days a room . Even if every single room had been stacked floor - to - ceiling with boxes , it would not take 10 days to cart them all down to the basement . But in fact , the room with the most boxes only had about a dozen . They should 've been able to scrub this place top - to - bottom in three days at most , with a little initative . There are so many lies in her rantings on that site that I cannot even begin to address them all . So , let me start with one of the first ones , that I claim I cannot work . Oddly enough , in the 2 . 5 months they were living with me in 2004 , the person who wasn 't working was her perfectly healthy husband . I have owned my own business since 2000 , a few months after I was let go from my full - time job because of increasing disability - - so you decide for yourself who is too lazy to work and who is doing as much as she is physically able . She does an excellent job of " explaining " how my giving her 2 . 5 months of free room and board ( and T - shirts and craft supplies and . . . . ) was somehow victimizing her . And treating her to a day trip in which I paid for the car rental , the gas , the meals ( including dinner at a nice restaurant ) , and some of her purchases , was also victimizing her because she had to drive . Oddly enough , most people I know say that I was much too generous with someone who wasn 't actually doing the work she was hired for . Fry 's showed up - - Compaq didn 't - - and claimed that they disposed of my computer on November 11 , but don 't have any paperwork to prove that it was donated to charity or what happened to it . I know I called them in the first week or so of November ( granted , a few days after the 30 days in their notice ) , and was told I had to talk to someone in the office , who never returned my call . Maybe they didn 't WANT to return my call because they were already in the process of getting rid of it that quickly . They claim they didn 't take a tax deduction for it - - oh , c ' mon , what for - profit corporation donates to charity and doesn 't take a tax deduction ? - - so I have my suspicions that they " donated " it to an employee . Since they didn 't actually get cash for it in excess of the mechanics lien they claimed , they say they owe me nothing for the computer . Then , in a last ditch attempt to avoid paying me even for the 3 - year extended warranty that I 'm getting no use from , they started arguing that there 's a fee to cancel the warranty , and if the warranty is cancelled , then I have to pay for the repairs , and all sorts of other ways to make darn sure that they didn 't have to pay me a cent . Moral of the story : this is the last time that I will ever deal with Fry 's . After buying half a dozen computers there , they still treat me like dirt . In the other case , we won 't hear the decision for another 3 weeks . I had plenty of e - mails printed out to prove that she twists the truth to her own benefit , several things where her story after the fact , denying , bears no resemblance to her initial e - mails agreeing whole - heartedly to do it . And then , to prove my point that she will lie about anything to avoid responsibility , she repeatedly lied to the judge , and embellished on prior lies , that my witness is a lawyer , she knows he 's a lawyer because he has his own practice , don 't believe me when I say he 's not , because she knows lawyers aren 't allowed in Small Claims Court , and therefore , he shouldn 't be allowed to testify because he 's a lawyer . My witness then testified that with one year of law school , he 's a paralegal , not a lawyer , and has no idea where she got that notion . ( From the same fertile imagination that provided all her other explanations of why what she agreed to in writing isn 't what she agreed to . Say anything and hope people believe it 's true without checking . ) In fact , lawyers aren 't allowed in to serve as lawyers , but they are allowed as witnesses , but she had to lie about that , too ! She knew if he testified , the judge would hear that the condition of the house got significantly worse , not better , while they lived here . Having thus set her up as a habitual liar , I made a good argument that she lied to the police , intentionally withheld information that would have given them reason to question whether I might just be out and about , and her " grave concern for my safety " was soooo overwhelming that when I finally called her , she never once said " thank God you 're all right " . . . she was more concerned with getting praise for calling the police and getting me into all this trouble . Doesn 't that priority prove she was lying about being " worried sick " ? Well , faced with all the e - mails , they did decide it was in their best interest to admit they actually had promised to clean the house for free rent , but then tried to portray the house as a huge pigsty that was absolutely impossible for anyone to clean , even given 2 . 5 months , in contrast to Brian 's testimony that it just needed a little work , but things that agency cleaners wouldn 't do . And those things remained undone after they moved out , because agency cleaners STILL refused to do them .
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Here is the quilt top that I started working on for Mary - Grace . Here it is when I am getting ready to put it together with the batting and the backing . The completed quilt ! ! ! The completed and delivered quilt ! ! I think she likes it . Just had to share with you a SPECTACULAR SALE ! It ends tomorrow . . . . . . so I wanted to share this with everyone ! This is one of my favorite places to visit . I have 3 of their videos and I can say that they are thorough ! I told Kathy I am just collecting my own Kathy Collection ! So , if you would just take a look and see what I 'm talking about . http : / / teachinggoodthings . com / blog / our - biggest - sale - of - the - year - freeeeeee / Thank you . Here are some of the recipes that will be on our table tomorrow while we are giving Thanks . Just want to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving . I hope that you are able to look back and see how God has blessed you with yet another year . Hugs ! ! The Bestest Sweet Potato Casserole Ever ! ~ boy is this so true ! ! ! We all love it ! ( I originally got this from Star over on the TOH BB ) 3 cups mashed , cooked sweet potatoes ( if you don 't want to boil fresh , get one large can . . the big one and one normal sized can and that will equal approximately three cups mashed ) 1 cup sugar1 / 2 cup melted butter2 eggs , well beaten1 tsp vanilla1 / 3 cup milk1 / 4 tsp nutmeg1 / 4 tsp cinnamonCombine all ingredients and spoon into casserole . Cover with topping : Topping : 2 cups Rice Krispies1 cup chopped pecans1 cup brown sugar1 stick butter , meltedMix all ingredients and spoon over casserole . Bake casserole 30 min at 400 degrees . Topping will be browned . Hashbrown Casserole ( Recipe came from my cousin ~ Tabatha ~ Love ya ! ) 30 oz Hashbrowns frozen8 oz Sour Cream 1 large can Cream of Chicken Soup1 ( 2 cup ) package Cheddar Cheese Shredded1 1 / 2 sticks butterCornflakesMix cheese , sour cream and soup together in a bowl . Put hashbrowns in casserole dish , spread mix over the top . Pour melted butter on top then sprinkle with cornflakes . Bake at 350 * for 30 - 45 minutes . Holy Cow Cake ( this is another recipe from my cousin ~ Tabatha ) Devils Food Cake prepared using box directions ; As soon as it comes out of the oven take the end of a wooden spoon and poke holes in it , pour an entire can of Eagle Brand milk and about 1 / 2 a container ( or more ) of Caramel ( from the ice cream topping section ) . Refrigerate until this is cold and the caramel and milk are set in . Take our and top with Cool Whip and Sprinkle with Butterfinger pieces . We all love this and it is so easy . I had entered a drawing of Michelle 's and won . I won a headband from her and just love it ! It 's so cute ! ! Mary - Grace really likes it . I put it on her and took her to the mirror and she was grinning from ear to ear ! ! ! Michelle has her own esty account . You should see everything she has on there . I will have to get Mary - Grace some more of them . They are adorable ! ! I 'll post you the site so you can see it for yourself . www . devimakdesigns . etsy . com This http : / / michellepugh . com / ? p = 1145 is the blog post where her son Devin drew my name ! ! Yeah Devin ! ! ! Hugs to Michelle , Devin and Makenzie ! * I tried to do the link thing and I couldn 't get it to cooperate with me so . . . . . . I did it the old style I guess you could say . Yes I did ! I got my package that I won from Suzzett at news @ suzzettsfabric . com The fabric is wonderful . It 's red , white and blue . She even sent me a sampler quilt pattern in with it . Lots of different block patterns ! I am so excited to get to work with the fabric and am so Thankful to Suzzett for mailing those to me . Thank You Suzzett . I don 't have my gadget to post pictures with right now but I 'll post some as soon as I can find it ! : 0 ) Don 't forget to check out Suzzett 's fabric at her website . : 0 ) Ok , so everyone knows I like to cook and take care of my family . Well , back at the begining of the year I started taking some quilting classes at our local quilt shop . Loved it ! ! Well , I have been trying to get in some sewing time as much as possible but w / 5 kids and then starting back to work I haven 't had the time . Well , here lately I have been getting in some time here and there and just really enjoy it . I found a new blog tonight and really enjoyed looking around and am very excited to be able to get some fabric that I can 't get from our local shop here . Barb is coming out with a new line of fabric next year and it sounds wonderful . While reading I realized that she has a giveaway going on . Well , I just had to enter ! ! You know me ! ! ! This giveaway is as Donald Trump would say UUGE ! ! I hope that she doesn 't mind me posting it like this but I wanted you all to see what she has to offer . . . . . then you could take a look for yourself and the goodies she has on her site for anyone that is a sewer or crafter or quilter . . . . . Here is what Barb has to say , " Grand Opening of my web site ! November 3 Welcome to the Grand Opening of my web site , BarbSackel . com . I am just so proud of all the work my web wizard Corinne did , that I wanted to show it off . Every month I will have a new recipe and a new mystery block of the month . I will keep you up to date with my blog and try to have some surprises along the way . To celebrate I am giving away two baskets , worth $ 200 each . Aren 't they beautiful ? A basket contains a 40 piece fat quarter pack from Moda , a ruler , quilting gloves , fancy scissors and more . And of course , chocolate ! ! ! " So , I know that you are very curious and are just itching to take a look at her site and her blog so here is the link . : 0 ) Good Luck to everyone , especially to Barb with her new site . I found another giveaway . These are so cute . I would love to win one of these for MG . She 'd look so cute in one ! You just have to go and check it out ! ! http : / / michellepugh . com / ? p = 1116 & cpage = 1 # comment - 936 Check this out ! Some nice looking fabric ! : 0 ) Her blog is great . I just found it today and have been lurking all over it . Go over and take a look . You won 't regret it , I promise ! ! http : / / www . handmadebyalissa . com / block - party - giveaway / I was checking my e - mail earlier and got an e - mail from Suzzett from over at http : / / www . suzzettsfabric . com / I had somehow passed over it with all of the e - mails that I had received recently . Here 's what the title said : You are the November Newsletter Fat Quarter Bundle winner . Here 's the text inside my e - mail : Congratulations you are the winner of the monthly drawing for a fat quarter bundle of 13 coordinating fabrics . I quickly e - mailed Suzzett back to Thank her ! I was like a kid in the candy store ! I can 't wait to see what it looks like ! This was something I just had to blog about ! After the week that I have had this comes at a great time ! ! ! I just had to share with you what I won ! Check out Suzzett 's site . She has some awesome stuff ! Posted by You should go over and enter her give away and see if you can win ! ! I really like the slouch bag ! : 0 ) I never win these type of things . . . . . . never win anything but . . . . . . . gotta enter anyway ! : 0 ) http : / / www . recessionistaparty . com / 2009 / 11 / feeling - love - with - freebieeeee . html ? commentPage = 2 Posted by Don 't want to say just yet but there 's a change in the air . . . . . . . . . Can 't go into it right now but it 's going to change our schedules around just a bit but . . . . . . . it will hopefully be for the better . We have a new babysitter . I think MG likes her . She 's done very well w / the change so far . I had to stop off at home today when I ran the kids home ( during my lunch ~ I take my lunch from around 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 ) . She ran up to me and gave me a kiss before I left . She 's so sweet ! I hate leaving her every day ! Well , that 's all I have for now . Have to get the kids ready for bed now . TTFN I haven 't been blogging lately because I have been so busy . We 've had the flu in our house . . . . . . then our oldest son had surgery . He had his tonsils and adnoids removed . They cauterized the turinates and fractured and pushed them back . He was in a lot of pain . I felt so bad for him . He was on a lot of medicine and was just out of it for quite a while . I knew he was hurting just by looking at him . He would look at me and tears would just stream down his face . That was so hard ! I couldn 't just fix him . I knew that with time he would start to feel better though and that is what I kept thinking about . I did his rounds of medicines every 3 hours like the Dr . said . I wrote it all down so that we wouldn 't get it all mixed up . That really helped . I also wrote down the dosage that I gave him . This way I kept it in my head how much to give him and how much I actually gave him at what time . When I had to return to work and his Mamaw stayed with him she took care of him and gave him his meds . When we went back for the 2nd check up . . . . . . day 10 after his surgery he lost 11 lbs . He was kind of surprised to see what he weighed . He now weighs less than his friend that has always been a little stick . I think that tickled him . Well , I 'm off to go to bed . Hope all is well . I found something that I would like to do . . . . While surfing on the computer I found somthing and felt like I could and would like to do . I think of my kids and if they had no clothes how I would feel . With 5 kids we have a ton of clothing in our house . Our washer and dryer are always going . That 's what made me feel sad . . . . . my family is very blessed to have what we have and we only have it because GOD has allowed us to . So with that said . I would like to make a couple of these and send . If you sew would you like to send some too ? If " sew " then let me know and we can send them off together or not . Just a thought about some little girls that are needing something to wear . There is also a video on how to make the dress , I had to watch it because I 've not made any clothing really . So , this will be a first for me ! Now to find some pillowcases ! ! Little Dresses For AfricaA non - profit organization providing relief to children of Central Africa24614 Curtis Dr . , Brownstown , MI 48134 • 734 . 637 . 90644 easy steps to making our little dresses . . . Here is the site : http : / / littledressesforafrica . org / default . asp ? pid = 101Following the simple steps below , any size new or gently used pillow case can be quickly turned into a prized possession for a grateful little girl in Africa . Please contact us for information on how your dresses will be distributed . Thank you for your help ! Cut the end of the pillow case top off leaving the hem . Fold the pillow case in half and cut out the arm holes so they will be the same on each side . Fold down the top of the strip about 3 / 8 " and stitch . Slide a 6 " piece of elastic at the top so that it will be gathered . Finish the arm holes with double biased tape leaving enough at the ends to tie at the shoulders . Ok , I 'm so so sorry that I didn 't post this any sooner . I 've been so busy and didn 't get the chance to draw a winner yet . I did do that and I have a name ! ! So . . . . . . . . TAMI you are the name that I drew ! If you would just let me know which ebook you would like . . . . . . send me an e - mail at steeleangie ( @ ) hotmail . com I will contact Kathy and have her send you your ebook ! : 0 ) Thank you all for signing up . : 0 ) Until next time . Angie Would you like falling leaves or snow on your blog ? ? ? Or be able to add whatever you like to fall on your blog ? I have just the site for you to visit in order to get that code . . . . . . Heidi over at Fairy Footprints in the Sand is giving that code to you . . . . . just go and check it out ! http : / / myarizonaangels . blogspot . com / HURRY THOUGH ! It 's just for ONE DAY ! ! ! I was looking up some curriculum earlier and found this . . . . . I had to share because I just thought it was so funny ! Hope you like it . Our " Little House " Christmas Goes WildI am sure you have all heard the old homeschooling joke about having to have a teacher workday because the principal needed clean underwear . Of course , the principal would be dad , and every pair of underwear he owns ( except what he has on ) would be sitting in a laundry basket dirty because mom has been busy dissecting roadkill with the kids or cleaning up after a science explosion in the kitchen . However , I feel really privileged and fortunate to be the head mistress of a school where the principal is so industrious . Our principal resigned himself to washing his own underwear a long time ago ! ! And he has kept to it , a tribute that will , no doubt , bear positively on our sons , who will know how to wash their own underwear should their wives decide to homeschool some day . Marriage is a tedious venture under any circumstances , but homeschooling is like putting a mystery icing on the cake , adding an element of excitement , not just for the teacher and principal , but for the students as well . Take , for instance , last Christmas . Trying to give our home a Laura Ingalls Wilder flair , I was baking a bunch of Christmas cookies with my 4 children . In the midst of the baking festivities , the principal ( dad ) sauntered into the kitchen , looking ever so innocent , and put his stainless steel lunch thermos in the center of the kitchen table . " Here , honey , " he said brightly . " This just needs to be washed whenever you get a chance . " " Okay , " I said back . With the Laura Ingalls Wilder glow in the kitchen , I looked on my husband with loving eyes , thinking nothing of having to wash his thermos - - the dear , hardworking man . The children and I continued with our baking . I was probably humming a carol as the children dusted green and red sugar sprinkles over the tops of our cookies . I have no idea what I was humming , but I know without a doubt that the tune came to a screechinPosted by A fun day at the park over the summer . The cutest yawn I ever did see ! Here is a picture of our baby Lo just so calm & deep in thought . I have some pictures of all of them on a bench and will have to upload them too . SO , if you want to see all of them keep checking back . : 0 ) Hugs to you all ! Here is a few shots I got with my baby girl just being silly and I had to share them w / my family . My Granny hasn 't ever even gotten to meet her . I hope one day soon she can . Posted by I haven 't posted any pictures in a while so I thought I would do that . I got some cute pictures of my sweet little girl and had to share them ! Hope you like . I just sit and stare . She is just growing up . She will be 2 in 18 more days . . . . . so hard to believe ! I 'm not sure how you all make your Egg Salad but this is SO GOOD ! You should give it a try . I know it sounds different , but if you like Egg Salad you 'll love this . Boil until thick : 1 Tb . butter1 Tb . flour2 Tb . sugar1 / 2 tsp . salt1 Tb . vinegar1 beaten egg1 / 2 c . 1 / 2 & 1 / 2 or cream ( I used milk ) Then add : 8 oz . cream cheese ( softened ) 1 Tb . chopped onion8 - 10 grated hard boiled eggs ( I just cut mine up small ) I added them right after the sauce had cooked and I chilled it overnight . Taco Soup1 lb ground beef , cooked and drained1 can whole kernel corn , undrained1 can tomato sauce or diced tomatoes1 can kidney beans or chili bean work just fine1 package taco seasoning1 package ranch ( the dry packet ) cut up onion and celery ( optional ) water to make it soupyPut all of the in your crockpot till you are ready to eat and the wonderful smell is filling the house . We like to add shredded cheddar to this and eat it with crackers or my favorite , tortilla chips ! This is so yummy ! ! After thinking about it for a little bit I knew exactly what I wanted to offer . I already knew that I wanted to tie in somehow a wonderful blog that I go to . It 's called Teaching Good Things . A very sweet Christian lady blogs about her family and the things that they do and believe . I love reading her posts . I know that you 'll love it to so I want to encourage you to go over and see what she posts about . You will be entered in the drawing when you do some of these easy things : Follow my blog . Post about my blog on your blog , facebook , link etc . Sign up for Kathy 's emails , leave a post on her blog about what you are doing . Come back and post here and let me know what you did . http : / / teachinggoodthings . com / blog / You won 't regret it ! Look around and you 'll see what I mean . Dig around my blog and tell me what both of our Dogs names are and what kind they are . Just for fun ! ! : 0 ) Come back and post and for everything that you did you will get your name in the drawing 1 time . You can choose which you would like to receive # 1 You will get to choose with of the lessons you want . Learn How to Quilt in Five Easy Lessons Instant downloadable lessons in PDF and packed full of pictures ! ! ! Do you have fond memories of a special quilt in your family ? Do you love to curl up on the sofa and watch your favorite movie with your family as you snuggle under a cozy quilt ? Do you wish that you could make special , one of a kind gifts for family and friends ? Would you like to learn how to make quilts to sell ? Is your schedule too busy to break away to go a quilt shop for classes , not to mention they are usually pretty expensive ? Are you at a loss for where to start ? Then these lessons are for YOU ! You can buy them one at a time or all at once ! Go here to read all the details ! # 2 This e - book What to Do When Your Daughter Hates Being in the KitchenThis is an e - book , instantly download in PDF . This is an e - book that gets right to the point of purpose and attitude . It is also filled with hands on ideas to encourage daughters to enjoy working in the kitcAngie I really don 't have a specific day that I have for the meals that I have picked for the week . We stay so busy with everything that goes on during the week . We do try to eat at home especially because it just cost so much to eat out . With 7 of us it sure ads up ! ! Here are the meals that I have planned for the week . I 'll try to pin point a day for each . I may have to swap them up . I 'll also include things that I will have made for lunches for the kids for school . Monday - ( Karate night ) Leftover / Easy MealTuesday - Grilled Pork Loin , Baked Potatoes and Baked BeansWednesday - ( Karate and Church Night ) Chili from the crockpotThursday - ( Night before Spelling Test night ! ) Poppy Seed Chicken , Stove Top and veggieFriday - ( Karate Night ) Crockpot Chicken SandwichesSaturday - ( I 'll be taking a Quilted Bag Class @ our local Quilt Shop all day ) DH fending for himself and the kids ! : 0 ) I 'll have a packed lunch and they can have Chipped beef and gravy or leftovers from the weekBreakfast : OmletsBacon and EggsChicken BiscuitsBiscuits and GravyCerealLunches : Tator Tot CasseroleTaco SoupBeans and CornbreadLeftovers from DinnerSandwiches Seems like its either feast or famine when it comes to blogging ! Either you are missing in action for days , weeks or even a month or more or you have a lot to write ! I guess I 'm just chatty today ! : - ) Here 's what we have on our plate for today . Kids are doing chores that have needed to be done for a while so I am sitting back relaxing getting some me time in . MG didn 't sleep . . . . . well took about two little naps last night . Very frustrating ! So , DH is at work today and I know he 's dog tired ! I have some things I am trying to work on . . . . . my two quilts and some other ideas that I am wanting to do for Christmas or giving . I am wanting to get a jump on that because it is just around the corner ! Do you have an idea about what you are doing for Christmas or an idea about what I can do for Christmas ? If so please post it here . Not only for me but for anyone else that might read my blog . I love to sew and am semi new to quilting . So , I am thinking about sewing some things this year as gifts . With 5 kids I always need to s - t - r - e - t - c - h the budget as far as I can . So . . . . . . if you can post some things to help I would love it . So , in doing so I want to return the favor ! ! ! So . . . . . . . . be checking back because I am going to be doing a give away for those that post things that I can make as a gift to give to a friend or loved one . You can start posting them when I post the giveaway . So , don 't forget to check back in . We all want to save money right ? Well , I go to a favorite site and have found people just like me ! ! There are tons and tons of things that will save you money , challenges , recipes , just tons and tons of information . I go there several times a day if I am near a computer . I have just started a Quilt Block Swap on there with some ladies that like to sew / quilt / embroider . You can find all kinds of things that would benefit you . Debt Reduction / Management , Utilities , Auto , gardening , scrapbooking , outdoor frugal things just tons and tons of things . My favorites right now are our organizing for the holidays and the section that we are all talking about our Christmas ideas for gift giving . We are all trying to figure out what cute / sensible / afordable gift we can give to our loved one for Christmas . Thinking ahead and being prepared is what is also going to help . Lots of sites for patterns for those that sew and do crafts . I hope you will go and check it out . I signed up about a year and a half ago . I just love it . Everyone helps everyone . I hope you 'll join me over there . I am Angielikes2cook . Here is the site : http : / / www . fractured . net / forums / index . phpAs far as I am concerned this place will always be my favorite place to go for all things frugal ! ! ! Thanks for reading . While looking at several blogs this morning I happen to find one and was looking around and started reaading . I read the story about Rachel . I wanted to post this link so that you all could read it and pray for her . As I was reading my eyes just filled with tears . I don 't know this young lady or her family but I will be praying for her . Please join me in praying . I cannot imagine what they are going through . I know that God has a plan for them . Everything happens for a reason . So please , please pray for Rachel . Thank you . http : / / kristi - kikiscorner . blogspot . com / 2009 / 08 / prayers - for - rachel . html Good Morning . I hope you are doing ok . Well , I 'm trying to get back in the swing of blogging again . Trying . . . . . Isn 't it a nice cool morning ? I opened the door to let the dogs out and was surprised at how cool it was . They didn 't stay out long that is for sure . So , what is everyone doing today ? I have to take our oldest DS to the Dr . We have Karate and Church later this evening . I have a Tator Tot Casserole already prepared in the frig for dinner . I 'm sure DH will probably want something else instead but . . . . . . I 'm not sure he 'll get it . HA ! I wanted to fix that ahead because I knew that it was a busy day today . I also have to take snacks for the kids at church tonight . They start their Patch the Pirate Program tonight and are excited about that ! I have to get some snacks fixed up for them . I sure hope I don 't forget ! ! Last night I made us Chicken Biscuits for dinner . They were simple but good . I also made some spaghetti so that the kids could take it for lunch today and there was some leftover for MG and her Mamaw for lunch . I made the two Tator Tot Casseroles and put one in the frig for tonight and one in the freezer for a later time . Trying to make more when I cook for later . That usually helps . Like there were 2 chicken biscuits left in the frig this morning that DH didn 't eat for breakfast so I grabbed them ! ! HA ! If you snooze in my house you loose ! ! Well , got to get some things done . . . . I just wanted to let you know that at one of the sites that I like to go and read is having a giveaway . Acutally they are having not one but 2 giveaways ! ! So , check these out . . . . . . Giveaway for Stolen Moments Menu Planning ServiceI so want to win this one ! It sounds great ! I would take just the dinner one because that is the one that I have the most trouble with . . . . . dinners . We 're so burnt out on EVERYTHING ! http : / / www . 5dollardinners . com / 2009 / 09 / giveaway - for - stolen - moments - menu - planning - service . html / comment - page - 1 # comment - 24100Now this one is really neat ! It 's an online class ! ! Who would have ever thought about taking online classes to learn how to cook . I love the idea ! I would love to have this one too . Online Cooking Class Giveawayhttp : / / www . 5dollardinners . com / 2009 / 09 / online - cooking - class - giveaway . htmlI hope that you 'll go over and check these out . Who knows you just might win ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Hugs ! ! Good Morning . Beginning my day . Boy is it chilly out today ! The kids are off to school in long sleeves and jackets . I can 't believe it has gotten this cool already ! Time for the air conditioning to take a breather ! ! YEAH ! DH will still want it on though ! BRRRR ! ! Will have to take a heater to work w / me ! HA ! ! Well , I 'm off to work . Will hopefully check back in later on . Have a good day ! Need to figure out what is for dinner . Tomorrow I 'll put a Boston Butt on before I leave for work so we can have some shredded sandwiches . Those are always good . I cook the meat in Dale 's Seasoning . That stuff is Awesome ! ! If you haven 't tried it you need to get a bottle . You can cook any kind of meat with it and it 's awesome ! I add it to the meatloaf when I 'm mixing it up or to Pork Chops , Chicken . . . . just anything ! Gotta run . After blogging about my new job I feel funny blogging about it again BUT I got offered another job ! ! ! I know if anyone that knows about English they know that I just made a really big run on sentence . So , forgive me for the long sentence . : 0 ) Anyway , I got a phone call on Monday evening about the job that I have been waiting 3 months for . The job that I have been wanting and praying about was mine to start the very next day ( I had the day off from my other job ) . So , for 19 days I have 2 jobs . I like them both actually so it 's not so bad . My 2 bosses from the job that I am leaving keep asking me if I want to change my mind . : 0 ) They like to torture me like that . They know that we all get along and that I like my job and don 't mind doing it . I am really going to miss them . My new boss seems really nice too . He 's usually not in town though so I will be dealing with him mostly from the phone . Now to explain what my new job is . . . . I am a Rep for CDL Training Services & Consulting , Inc . I work through the college by my office is off campus . I have my own office , love that part ! I have been cleaning it out and fixing my desk . . . . . . . it was such a mess ! ! ! ! What am I to do you might ask ? Well , I am the person that is to be on the phone and out and about looking for new students for our school . So , if you know anyone that wants their CDL let me know ! : 0 ) I am the one that gets all of their questions answered and tries to find them a way into the school . This might be them paying cash , getting a loan that is deferred for 6 months after the classes or there are programs for people that have low income or that are layed off because of their place of employment moving or closing down . So , as I am excited about my new job I 'm still sad to leave my other job . I 'll have to go and visit them sometime and pick on them . : 0 ) Well , just an update from here . OH , I even have sad news . I found out today that my FAVORITE store in the whole wide world is closing due to the husband getting a different job and them having to move away ! ! I am juPosted by I have big news ! I got a new job ! ! ! I am so excited because I really really like it ! ! ! It 's the easiest job I have ever had ! I put in my 2 weeks notice at DQ on Sat . ( which went over like a lead balloon ! ) I had to work on Sunday and that was my last day . My manager had taken me off of the schedule . Which was fine with me because I was already going to start my new job on Monday . So , I didn 't even have a day in between the two jobs ! LOL I make a $ 1 more an hour , get a raise in 3 months , in 6 months and get vacation after a year , full insurance - medical , vision and dental ! ! I couldn 't turn it down . This is such an easy job and they are so layed back ! ! My 2 bosses are so layed back . They are so nice its just unreal that I am getting paid to work there ! ! ! I work at the Boss Truck Shop . . . . . never would have figured that I would have gotten a job there but I like it . : 0 ) Well , DH is looking at me like I 've lost my mind just typing away . So , I 'm going to go and get my things ready for work tomorrow . Hugs to you all ! ! Here 's A GREAT DEAL ! ! ! Kathy from Teaching Good Things is running a Summer Special on her DVD 's . It 's a Family Stimulus Sale . It gives you 30 % off of her regular prices ! That is a GREAT DEAL ! ! Here 's her title : The way to stimulate your family 's economy is NOT to borrow and spend , but to invest and earn . By learning to make something you can make extra money to help your household . You owe it to yourself to check it out . Have you ever wanted to learn to Crochet , Decorate Cakes , Quilt or even plant herbs and use them . . . . . . or want to help your teen learn how to manage money ? So many different options of things to learn ! ! I 'm on my 3rd instructional thing from Kathy and I have to tell you I 'm hooked . I can 't wait for other things that she can come up with ! ! So the sale prices are Learn Cake Decorating DVD : Regular $ 21 . 97 Sale $ 15 . 36Use code Summer when you check out ! Learn To CrochetRegular $ 21 . 97 Sale $ 15 . 36Use code Summer when you check out ! Make and Manage Money for Teens e - bookRegular $ 16 . 97 Sale $ 11 . 88Use code Summer when you check out ! How to Grow and Use Culinary Herbs e - bookRegular $ 6 . 97 Sale $ 4 . 88Use code Summer when you check out ! Learn How To Quilt e - bookRegular $ 5 . 97 Sale $ 4 . 18 Each LessonUse code Summer when you check out ! Here are my upcoming blocks to be done this month . We are doing two because of the month of Dec . We show the block each month that we have completed so we have to do two in order for us to get all 12 done by Dec . Quilting is so enjoyable . I really like it ! ! The Instructions are so good ! I will post a picture of the blocks when I get them done . : 0 ) Hugs ! Here are my March and April Blocks . I really like them both . I like the others too but there is just something about these two . Hope you like them . : 0 ) Hugs ! ! Ok , So I have been taking BEGINNERS Block of the Month Quilting Class . BTW I AM using my sewing machine . I am not patient enough to sit and sew each block by hand . Just wanted to say that first . I love doing this . The classes are great and the instructions are terrific ! So , here 's my first 2 blocks these are for Jan & Feb . I will post the next blocks later . It is taking forever for these to load and it 's already 1am and I have a meeting early in the morning so I 'm headed to bed . I 'll try to post some more pictures tomorrow . Here you go : Hugs , Angie Well , I do believe that the warmer days are upon us . It has been a little cool at times but I 'll take a little bit of the mixture over the sweltering heat any day ! Tomorrow is the last day of school for my kids . I know they are excited . Today is their day to be outside for the most of their day . Half a day tomorrow then off to home . I have big plans for us on Thursday ! : 0 ) The kids are just so excited . . . . . not really . We will be having a massive family fun day of C >>> L >>> E >>> A >>> N >>> I >>> N >>> G ! I 'm so excited , can 't you tell ? With a family of 7 and two pugs there 's always something that needs to be done . So , tomorrow we are going to do some of that ! I won 't be posting any pictures of that just because well , it 's no fun to look at someone cleaning ! LOL I will be posting some before and after pictures later of our house because we are getting ready to do some more painting ! I 've picked out several colors that are going to be used . I 'll post the before and after pictures as we get them done . I can 't wait . I 'll have to get some tidying up done first before I can start on the paint . I finished my last day yesterday at the church . The ladies that I work with are so sweet . They gave me a card and a $ 25 gift card to Wal - Mart . I really didn 't expect that at all . I will sure miss them . They are a sweet bunch of ladies . I 'm still working at Dairy Queen . I really like my job . I work with some nice people and I love being around the public . The little kids coming in for ice cream are always so cute . Well , MG is crying so I better tend to her . Hugs to whomever may read this . . . . . remember - If you 've read it give me a reply . I 'd love to hear from you ! ! I actually got to sit yesterday and watch the new video I ordered from Kathy Brodock . Learn to crochet . It 's really good ! ! I have already made a dish cloth ! I just love it ! I won 't be wasting any time ordering the cake decorating video either ! If it 's as thorough as the crochet video then it 'll be just awesome ! I already have the Learn to Quilt in 5 Easy Lessons - which just blew me out of the water in how simple she makes everything ! These are all things that I have always dreamed of knowing how to do . Now , thanks to Kathy I am learning them and can perfect them as I go along . Kathy has a wonderful blog . If you get a chance check it out . You 'll love it ! ! I sure do ! ! Here is the link http : / / teachinggoodthings . com Hello . I just wanted to post something since I hadn 't in a while . I got my DVD yesterday or the day before . ( My days have started running together ! LOL ) I haven 't had a moment to sit and watch anything on tv at all lately . Between working at DQ and working at the church I 've not had much time to do anything at all . Not sure when my next day off actually is , probably not until next Tuesday ( that seems to be my day off for the week ) . I do know that Monday is my last day at the church ( I work in their Mother 's Day Out Program - we watch the little kids from 9 am till 1 pm ) . Then I 'll only be at DQ . The kid 's last day of school is Wednesday . I am so glad ! Not as much running during the summer ! WHEW ! Well , Just wanted to pop in . I hope everyone is doing ok . Hugs to you all . Angie My new project coming up is going to be . . . . . . learning to crochet ! I just ordered the DVD . . . . . . got $ 5 off using the WOW code from Teaching Good Things . This offer is good through Sunday night ! So , if you have ever wanted to learn to crochet OR to learn how to decorate a cake I urge you to do this . . . . . with shipping and the $ 5 discount it came to $ 20 . 01 ! ! ! You can 't beat that with a stick ! So , if you will click on one of the links on the right it will take you right to it . Hurry before Sunday ! ! I have the Learn to Quilt in 5 Easy Lessons and I can 't wait to get the crochet one because of how in depth the Quilting Lessons are ! ! I know I 'll be making some things right away ! Nothing like taking a new baby home from the hospital in a crocheted blankie ! Or snuggling up on the sofa with a newly crocheted blankie ! Scarves , pot holders . . . . . . booties . . . . . doogie wear . . . . . . hats . . . . . mittens . . . . . . . sweaters . . . . . . the list goes on and on ! I must run . I 've only got tonight off from work and am making dinner . It 's Tator Tot Casserole and I love that stuff . DH may not be too happy but he will be ok . At least I 'm cooking ! LOL Then the kids want brownies ! : 0 ) Hugs to you all and hey don 't forget that offer ends Sunday night ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Click on the right and it will pop up . Hugs , Angie It 's 5 pm and I 'm getting ready to head out AGAIN . . . off to work . I really like my job it 's just certain days are harder to go in . I hate leaving my family at home while I go off to work . DH has to put the kids to bed , I miss that part . Dinner is a rush and I hate that ! I love getting to sit down with my family and eat dinner . I 'm still working on my Block Of The Month Club . We get a new block each month . I have 3 already done and getting ready to begin my 4th . The newest one is the Friendship Star . I really like the look of this one ! ! I 'm also working on a quilt for MG for Christmas . It 's a Ragedy Ann and Andy quilt . I am using the Turning Twenty pattern . I 'll post some pictures of it soon . I need to charge the battery on my camera . I 'm really bad about not wanting to delete pictures off of there so my 3 or 4 cards are full . I need to get a new one for DH 's work anyway so I 'll use that one . LOLThe pugs Lenny and Squiggy are just fine . They have gotten in the trash a few times and I 've wanted to just scream ! ! ! ! ! Nothing like coming home to a mess all over your kitchen ! Our oldest was told to take out the trash but didn 't so . . . . needless to say I was very irritated . That 's life though . The kids are almost done with school for the year . The 20th of May is their last day . YIPPY ! ! ! I can 't wait ! I know they can 't wait either . Well , I better go and get finished getting ready to go to work . If you haven 't checked out those E - BOOKS please check them out . They are just amazing . Kathy has a real talent for teaching . My next venture is to get the cake decorating one and the learn to crochet . Hugs to all . Remember if you read . . . . . respond . : 0 ) All I can say is WOW ! I just got the How to Quilt in 5 Easy Lessons and they are so thorough . I can 't believe how Kathy puts these e - books together so brilliantly ! I had just started on a Turning Twenty quilt from a pattern that I got at our local shop Notions and Whims . I 'm only using 12 fat quarters to make it instead of 20 because it 's for our 1 year old . I must say the material is " sew " cute ! ! Back to the e - book . It is 5 step by step lessons that are so easy to understand . I can 't wait until I get the top finished on the quilt that I am making to be able to use the machine quilting instructions in the e - book . My next quilt will be the one that she gives the lessons on for sure ! I am so excited to have this asset . Once you start quilting and actually see your work come together and see how good you are doing it is so exciting . I am so Thankful to Kathy from http : / / TeachingGoodThings . com If you haven 't checked out her e - books you really should . They are so precise and full of pictures . I am one of those that has to have the picture to show me exactly what you mean . LOL She gives the picture with each step and that helps so much . So , go on over and read what Kathy 's up to . I love her blog so much that is my homepage ! Great job Kathy . I can 't Thank you enough . Hugs ! ! Oh , I 'll post some pictures of the quilt top when I finish it . It 's Raggedy Ann & Andy . It 's very cute ( at least I think so ! ) . I 've been working here lately and it 's hard to manage it all at once . Know what I mean ? I want to make sure my family has a good meal while I am gone off to work . Which usually means I get it done RIGHT when I 'm walking out the door . So , no dinner for me ! LOL My Dear Dear husband has been such a help . Our oldest son has been a big help too . They work together and make sure the kitchen is all cleaned up when I get home and that is just awesome ! It 's such a relief ! ! Just wanted to blog a few thoughts of what 's going on in our life right now . DH 's new job is definately different . Mine is different but I really like it ! Who would have thought a job and the Dairy Queen would actually be fun ! Even when Kyle calls me Mamaw ! I 'm only 33 . . . . . I am not a Mamaw ! LOLHugs to whomever reads this ! Oh , and if you read . . . . leave me a reply ! ! ! It won 't kill you ! I promise ! ! ! : 0 ) I love to make dinner for my family that tastes good but doesn 't take 50 ingredients ! One of our favorites is one with chicken and Stove Top . If you haven 't ever tried it you should . This is what we had for dinner last night : Ingredients are : Chicken breasts ( I never pay full price for meat ! ) Stove Top ( I got these on sale - you can 't make stuffing for $ 1 ) Cream of Chicken Soup ( can also use cream of mushroom ) ( got these on sale too ) Chicken Breasts ( put in casserole dish ) . Mix up the Stove Top ( I used 3 cans ) . Mix it up as if you were making it to eat normally . I put ours in the microwave and heat it for 3 minutes . I used 3 cans of Cream of Chicken Soup . You pour that over the chicken and spread it out . Top it with the Stove Top and cook for about 1 hour - 1 hour 15 minutes at 350 . Be careful that your dish isn 't too full or it will bubble over . . . . . like mine did last night and stink up the whole house ! LOL ; - ) We also had some Mac N Cheese ( at the kids request ) , Baked Beans and Baked Potatoes . It was a good filling meal with few ingredients . We had company so I tried to make it a bigger meal than I normally would . I would have left off something . So , do you have any few ingredient meals ? I will start posting some of our family favorites that include few ingredients . Care to join me ? Just wanted to let you know that I got the E - Books and DVD 's added and they are workable . So , check them out when you can . I have read some HIGH ratings on these ! I am getting ready to check one out myself and will give you a review of it . So , if you check one out leave a review on my blog and I 'll make it a blog post with your review . : 0 ) Big Hugs and Take care . It is just so windy outside ! The wind is howling . Spring break for the kids this week and it 's to windy and cold to want to get out and do anything . So today we ate Taco Soup . If you haven 't ever made it you should ! Taco Soup1 lb ground beef , cooked and drained1 can whole kernel corn , undrained1 can tomato sauce or diced tomatoes1 can kidney beans or chili bean work just fine1 package taco seasoning1 package ranch ( the dry packet ) cut up onion and celery ( optional ) water to make it soupyPut all of the into a pot and cook till it has all been heated and the wonderful smell is filling the house . We like to add shredded cheddar to this and eat it with crackers or my favorite , tortilla chips ! This is so yummy ! ! Stay warm and stay safe . Oh , I 'll be adding some DVD 's / ebooks that you can purchase from a site that I just absolutely love . So , keep an eye out for them and check them out when you get a chance . Still working on linking it on my blog so bare with me . Hugs ! It is so hard to believe that it is already April . We 've been so busy lately that things just get pushed aside . I don 't like that at all but sometimes it can 't be helped . DH got a new job . It starts out paying quite a bit less but I really hope he will like it . I started working again too . I work in the Mother 's Day Out program when I am needed on Monday , Wednesday and Friday 's . I will only do this while the kids are still in school . So , next month on the 19th is the kids last day of school . I won 't even be able to work that day because of all the program things they will be doing at the school . I get to work with little kids and the baby gets to go with me and when Lo isn 't at school on Fridays he can go with me . I also started working at Dairy Queen in the evenings and weekends . I really like working there . Everyone seems to be nice . I stay busy so that helps pass the day / night along fast . You know I have a new found utmost respect for restaurant workers ! ! Those that do their job in making sure it 's all done and the place stays clean . I have always , always made sure to not leave a big mess when we go out to eat . I think it 's disrespectful to the person that has to clean it up . We do have a large family but that doesn 't mean that gives us an excuse ! Anyway , my point is when you go out to dinner . . . . . . think of how you would feel cleaning up YOUR MESS ! For that matter your children 's mess . I 've not had a really bad mess at work yet . I just know that some aren 't as concerned about leaving a mess as others are . I think of the table that we are eating at as if it 's our table . I wouldn 't want it to look like it 's not been cleaned in a week ! I wouldn 't want food all over the floor at home ! Well , enough of that . I like the job and have much respect for others working in fast food . You do have to work constantly to keep the place clean . : 0 ) I 'm trying to think of anything that may be new in our lives . Oh , our youngest twin got his new glasses . Oh , he just looks adorable ! ! ! I love staring at him in those little camouflage glaPosted by Well , I 've not blogged in a while . Sorry . I just haven 't felt bloggy lately I suppose . We 've had a lot going on and my mind has been racing . We 've been sick w / the tummy bug , colds etc . The dogs have been sick and still have a touch of whatever it is . Our oldest has had an MRI done on his knee to see what he has done to it when he hurt it playing basketball . We 'll find out the results of that in the morning with another appointment . The twins have an eye appointment tomorrow afternoon , one of the twins had a dentist appointment today and the dogs went to the vet this morning . Our youngest son was sick all this past week and missed all but 1 day of school . So , there 's a little bit of why I 've not been blogging . : 0 ) Big grin ! So , lets catch you up with us . Umm , I was ask to go back to the church that I worked at before the baby was born . They have a Mother 's Day Out program that I worked to help take care of the children . I really enjoyed it before . The ladies are some awesome ladies to work with . Very relaxed atmosphere but you 're just allowed to take care of the kids and enjoy them . They have a much smaller group than when I worked there before . The kids are all different with a few exceptions . Most have gone on to Kindergarden like my boys . So sad ! They just grow up so fast . I 'll do this when they need me on Mon , Wed and Friday ~ until school lets out in May . It 's only open those three days from 9 - 1 . So , it won 't be all that hard to do . DH just accepted a new job today . The pay will be MUCH MUCH less than what he is making but he 'll be home EVERY DAY ! ! YIPPY ! That will be such a change for us all . He hasn 't had a job like that since the twins were newborns . So , 8 years ! I am planning on working in the evenings when he gets home to off set the income a little until his raises come through . So , I 'll be Mom during the day and he 'll be Mr . Mom in the evening . : 0 ) I 'll try and have dinner ready when he gets home in the evenings , maybe even have the kids all fed for him . . . . . . . . I just wonder how bath time and bedtime will Posted by Right after I got the internet after the ice storm it went back out again ! ! So , here I am again . It has just irritated me to not be able to check on anything at all . So , the clean up has been slow around town . Lots of people still don 't have cable , phone or internet . Trees have just been stripped ! Roofs , windows , cars , lawn furniture , swingsets you name it it has been broken , destroyed or crushed ! Insurance companies are probably hating a time like this . Well , with any luck at all I 'll keep my internet connection . I 'll post again soon . Hugs to all . Angie The weather that we have had here lately has just been terrible ! We have been very blessed that God has watched over us all . The power outages , the water being shut off , no heat , not being able to cook food , no grocery stores being open , no kerosine , the lines for gas being a mile long - no joke ! ! It has been just unbelievable ! Even through all of this my family , DMIL , and close friend were able to stay warm , eat because I could cook on our gas stove ( couldn 't use the oven but was able to cook on the burners ) and stay clean with warm showers . We have a gas hot water heater and our water supply was not affected . Thank the Good Lord for all he did for us . I have told everyone that we were blessed to have everything that we needed . I know that so many were cold , without water and probably hungry . I know that there were some that lost their lives during this . I can just say that it makes me realize how much our family was blessed . School started back at the boy 's private school on yesterday . There are still some kids that go there that have no power still . The public schools have not gone back to school yet . I believe they are looking at starting back tomorrow . We 'll see . We have some terrible wind forecast for today . The power may still go out we are warned . If so , I 'll crank up the kerosine heater and we 'll hunker down again . Thank the Lord for alternate ways of keeping warm . I know I 've gotten away from talking about cooking some but I have cooked 3 meals a day since this storm hit over 2 weeks ago . So , I 've not forgotten how to cook that 's for sure . I 've made Chicken and Dumplins , Dale 's Chicken in a skillet - which was very good , Spaghetti , Manwich , Tacos , Hamburger Helper , breakfast every morning without biscuts ! LOL When the power came back on I made some of just about everything I could think of just to use the oven since it had been a while ! ! Well , hugs and love to you all . I hope that God has watched over all of you like he has us . Angie Wanted to give you all an update on my sweet Mamaw . She 's doing better and should get to go home in a day or so . She looks so much better than she did . She 's just trying to gain her strength back . I am so Thankful that God has seen her through this . God truly does answer prayers . I must go now because DD is into things right now . . . . Big Hugs to you all . Angie Please pray with me for my 82 year old Grandmother Katie . She is just the sweetest lady you could ever imagine ! She has always wanted to make sure you weren 't hungry . She always gives the kids snacks when they come to visit . The kids love going to Mamaw Katie 's ! ! I actually just went to see her friday morning . She looked fine . That 's why it shocked me when DH woke me up at 1 am and told me that I had got a call that she was at he ER . She was having trouble breathing and was hot . I actually beat the ambulance to the hospital . When she got to the hospital they were trying to figure out what was wrong . IT did sound like she had had a heart attack . She has congestive heart failure and she aparrently hadn 't been taking her meds . She was full of fluid . If my Uncle hadn 't called they said she would have died ! They started giving her the lasics to get the fluid off . Well , I 'll fast forward to today . She has had to have 2 pints of blood , she 's on the ventulator but it 's down to 8 % now . They are keeping her asleep so she doesn 't pull out the tubes , like she was doing early Sat . morning . It 's so hard to see her like this . They think she may have had a small heart attack , they said it didn 't affect her heart though . The Dr . 's think she may be able to come off the vent in a couple of days . They want to wake her up and see how she 's doing in the morning . She is a diabetic , she has had surgery for various things and been so close to dying . She has always came back to us better than every . I just pray God will help her with this . I know God 's will will be done , but that selfish side of me begs God to let us keep her here for FOREVER ! ! We love that woman ! ! She 's just awesome ! I 've been up there several times and it just seems so strange to see her in that bed . She 's always up moving . She still gets her own groceries , goes shopping for clothes etc . Oh , and she 's going to be so mad ! ! They had to cut her clothes off of her . My Uncle said that she had just put those clothes on while he was calling 911 . So , I really hope that it wasn ' tPosted by I don 't know about you all but it 's been a long week here at our house ! Glad we 'll get a break from school / work . DH will be home some time this morning . Youngest DS has speech this morning at 10 . Aunt Kathy is suppose to be coming in from California and visiting today and tomorrow . She 's always a hit at our house ! If I can remember to grab the camera I 'll snap some photos and post later . Aunt Kathy is DH 's Mom 's sister . She always sits down with the kids and plays with them and they love that attention from her . Today just house work and some time I have to work in going to the grocery store ! We 're down to bare bones here . I 've GOT to go and get FOOD ! ! DH will come home and wonder what we 've been eating all week . Well , I 'll close for now and be back later or tomorrow and try and post my grocery finds . I 'm hoping to start stocking back up on things in the freezer . It 's getting empty since we had Christmas and I was trying to not spend as much on food . So . . . . . I need to get back to stocking up . Hugs to all . Oh , if you stop by feel free to comment . I want to hear from you ! ! ! Angie I guess you could say that our family shares just about everything ! ! The stomach bug has been what my family has been sharing here lately . I think right now I 'm next in line . It started with our youngest son , then the baby , then the twins and now our oldest one is complaining and DH has it . So , this is what I have to look forward to every day for the past week or more ! Stomach bug or not God has blessed us each and every one of those days and I 'm greatful even if I 'm cleaning and doing more laundry . : 0 ) I 'm thankful to be able to clean and have a washing machine and a place that we can all lay our heads at night . We are all together and will get passed the tummy aches . Thank you Lord . Would give a hug but you 'd have to Lysol yourself down ! ! : 0 ) God Bless you all and Stay well and WARM ! ! Don 't let CHRISTmas end because the holiday has been thrown to the curb . Remember why we celebrate it . Jesus died for all of our sins so that we could be saved from hell and one day go live ETERNALLY with him in Heaven . That is why we celebrate Christmas ! We don 't deserve any of the blessings that he gives us but he loves us no matter what ! Isn 't that beautiful ! ? Love you and so does Jesus , Angie
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Nothing really interesting has been going on here . True , Ben and his friend Patrick did come to see me at the CK on Monday . He asked me if I was going to blog about his visit and I said I was . So Ben and Pat came by the restaurant and were making faces at me through the window . I waved and continued my duties . They decided to hop on in and say hello . I told them to sit down and I 'd come say hi when I was down at the counter . Ben admitted he had no money - only 26 cents . I waved off his comment and said I 'd be there in a minute . I ended up buying the boys a drink and each a piece of chocolate . I offered them fries or a chocolate . ( Nice sister , I didn 't give ' em much of a choice . But hey , I didn 't want to spend all the money I earned before I even left work . ) They each chose a chocolate from the case - Pat , a pecan caramel patty , and Ben , tongue - twister , cumdinger , hali - o - whoozit . And the boys even left me a tip when they left ! That was the best part . Well , I threw away that potato , and what do I get ? Louis invites the whole neighborhood over to have a party . He 's such a rebellious boy , I don 't know what to do . . . . Okay , so he didn 't really do any of that . He 's a cat , right ? But it was rather funny the other day when the neighbor cat , Charles , came to visit . He sat on the front porch and he and Louis just looked at each other throught he window . Louis really wanted to go out and play . But he can 't beacause he 's a inside cat . And Charley couldn 't come in . So they just looked . They 've done this sort of thing before . Louis used to sit on the window sill inside , and one day Charley jumped up on the outside sill and they sat there as close as they could get , on either side of the window pane . It was really cute . What makes it even funnier , is that they look exactly the same . Charley 's owners once thought that we were taking him away when we took Louis to my parent 's house one day . It 's fun having the " same " cat . Both black with a little white on their chest . I bet you guys think I 'm crazy blogging about my cat . . . Boy , what 's next ? The other night , while we were sitting in the living room , Louis came through with a new toy . I had left a potato on the counter the night before , and guess who found it ? He walked right by with the helpless spud in his mouth . Louis dropped the potato on the floor and began batting it around as if it were a mouse . I wish I could 've gotten a picture of the potato in his mouth , but he walked by too quickly . We found it rather funny that a cat would choose a potato to play with . But then again , he is often carrying off my things . Hairclips , hair bands , garlic , slippers and now a potato . Someday he 'll have to learn that what is on the counter is to stay on the counter and not to be played with . Well , I 'm sure no one wants to hear boring relations of my past week . But , TOO BAD ! Last Saturday I went to the mall with Mom and Hannah . We bought some clothes . That evening Adam and I went to the Olive Garden for Jim 's " un - birthday . " We had the waitresses sing Jim happy birthday , which was really great and made us laugh . On Sunday , after church in the morning , Adam and I went to the Erie County Fair . I really enjoyed the time spent with Bob and Joann . We saw lots of fat pigs , a few pretty horses , fuzzy bunnies , big boats and old fire engines , wood carvings , craft exhibits , a parade , a model home , a home made inside of a Giant Redwood tree , a really tall swing , dancing Indians , old fashioned candy , a Polish exhibit ( where the guy was really paranoid that I was going to break one of the stackable dolls he had for sale ) and lots and lots of people . All in all in was a very nice day . And we had ice cream . Monday I went back to work after two weeks off . I also found out that a girl I work with , Peg , who was vacationing in Europe ( during the time that the restaurant was closed ) , was on one of the planes that the terrorists were going to blow up two Thursdays ago . She came back to work with all kinds of stories about that day . Praise the Lord that the authorities caught the terrorists before anything could happen . Tuesday was also a normal work day , with the exception of Peggy telling all the customers of her over sea adventures . When you work at a restaurant , of course everyone is going to want to hear the story . In the evening , we went to my parents house for dinner and then to Dave 's house for Bible study . The time spent with my family studying God 's Word is always a blessing . I did something different on Wednesday and went teaching . I like to spend time with the kids that I teach , only lately I 've just been going on Fridays . So this week I got to go twice . Coe , who is the oldest , is planning a special evening for his parents anniversary next week . I 'm kinda like his cohort , because I 'm aiding and abetting his plans . ItPosted by Hullo . As it is now Tuesday , I don 't feel quite right going to too much explanation of what excitement happened last week . But a bit of a blow through of the week doesn 't hurt . Last Week : Part 1 ( Tuesday ) Last Tuesday was a nice day in which I had nothing formal planned other than attending the family Bible study at my brothers house . This made the day very nice for things such as washing clothes and hanging them on the clothesline , going grocery shopping and cleaning the bathroom . All of which I did . . . except maybe clean the bathroom , I cannot now remember . Wegmans is my favorite place for groceries . I also like Aldi , but I did not go there . Part 2 ( Wednesday ) On Wednesday I met my Grandparents at the nursing home , and we sang to the residents and my Grandfather had a mini Bible study . He 's been doing this sort of thing for over 30 years . I used to go with him quite often but hadn 't been in ages . Afterwards , I went home with them and visited with my Grandma for a bit . We shared some lunch and after a while I went home . I made some dinner for my hubby and then went to church . Part 3 ( Thursday ) Thursday morning , I woke up bright and early to go to Grandma 's house . She had inadvertently planned too much for herself that morning and had arranged to meet with someone about some problems they were having with their health insurance . The thing was that my young cousins were all going to be at my grandparents as their mothers were working that day . So Grandma had asked me if I would be willing to come stay at her house while her and Grandpa were out for a couple hours . The six of us cousins had a grand time playing together . The all - time favorite thing was playing with the playmobile house . This can get out of hand sometimes , especially when playing with two 11 year old boys . Watch out ! After my Grandparents came home I met my Dad at Bill Gray 's for lunch . It 's always nice having lunch with Dad . In the afternoon , I drove out to my friend Carissa 's for a good visit . When I arrived she wasn 't home yet , so I also ended up havingPosted by On Monday this week , Ben , Hannah , Mom and I went to the RMSC . We got to get in free because of Adam 's work . The mastodon exhibit was quite " cool " . I didn 't know that skeletal remains of a mastodon were found in Avon , NY . That was real neat . Just imagine , mastodons and wooly mammoths walking the earth right here where we stand today ! How cool is that . But , the dinosaur / fossil / ancient animals section wasn 't my favorite of the museum . I really liked the third floor where they had miniature towns and life like rooms of 19th century Rochester . It was like walking back in time . So many old artifacts and things . Did you know that in the 19th - early 20th century , Rochester held one of the leading button making facilities in the states ? I never even knew Rochester made buttons ! But I really loved the time capsle on the second floor . In 1873 the citizens of Rochester put together a time capsle and had it buried in the wall of the city hall inside a copper box . It was opened in 1999 , and inside was many artifacts which looked almost brand new . There were newspapers , Masonic papers and pamphlets , records of different sorts , books ( which looked brand new - real cool ) , and an old Bible - to name a few . It was like looking into the past , which is what a time capsle is meant to be like . There was even a letter to the future mayor of Rochester ( now the past mayor ) . It was such a beautiful letter , filled with hopes and dreams of a citizen , but most importantly a testimony , a man pointing his finger . Pointing to the Savior . Telling the citizens to prepare their hearts to meet their Maker . I can 't remeber exactly what he said , so you 'll have to go and read it for yourselves . But make sure that you 're prepared to meet Jesus . Will He say , " Well done , good and faithful servant " or will He say , " Depart from Me , I never knew you " ? Make sure that you have a relationship with the One who can give you real life . That is what the man in the letter was saying . And I too , tell you to come to Jesus , the One who will love you no matter what , and clePosted by Ah , for a moment I can relax . Nothing to do for at least another 1 / 2 hour . I suppose that 's not true as I could get up and go get the clothes off the line and iron Adam 's works shirts . But hey , that can wait . . . I haven 't blogged a lot this week because of all the great , wonderful things that have been going on . I shall start at Sunday . No wait , last Saturday . . . . Last Saturday , after spending the previous night at my parents with my siblings , Adam and I ( and Adam 's mother , Joanne ) sped off to Tonawanda to attend our cousin Jennifer 's wedding . That 's what the " all the happy people " picture is about . It was a medium sized wedding in a nice - looking , old church . The bride was lovely in her white satin gown , all done up with beads . And everyone looked just smashing . The ceremony , though religious , seemed rather long . Maybe it was because in all their religion , the personal touch of my Savior appeared to be lacking . Prayers were read out of a book , scripture readings were selected out of several provided to choose from ( one including the book of Tobias ) and there was a chance for all to go forward to take communion and be blessed by the priest . In all their religiousness , the Holy Spirit was lacking . A true relationship with Jesus Christ was not what was being sought . But despite of this , it was a nice wedding and everyone was encouraged to strive and keep Jenn and her husband , Brian , committed to one another , forsaking all others , to keep their vows for life . I found that very striking , that the priest held each one present accountable for keeping Jenn and Brian together . The reception was also very pretty , but not too much fun . We didn 't sit with anyone we knew ( except for Joanne ) although Adam 's cousin Bobby came over to talk with us . And we did have fun with Garrett . The food was tasty and Uncle Ken and Aunt Sandy made for good conversation . The cake had creamy filling and was made with three different square layers . Pretty cool looking . We didn 't do any dancing because we left shortly after they started . I always enjPosted by Okay , so he 's not really missing . He actually is quite found . Anyway , this morning I woke up to the cry of " Mero - o - o - ow , " Mero - o - o - ow . " It sounded far away . I sat up in bed and said to Adam , " Where 's Louis ? I think he 's crying . " The time was just after 7 o ' clock . I hopped out of bed and began to think . I hadn 't seen Louis when I got home late last night . While Adam checked out in the living room and around the house I went to the basement . " Louis , Louis . " I looked up in the rafters in the basement , but I didn 't see him . I opened the basement door ( which led to outside . . . there are two doors there : a big heavy one which locks and another wooden slat door which flaps in the wind ' cause I can never get it closed ) and peeked through . There was Louis looking a little lost and moist from spending all night outside . He was peeking into the basement from behind the " flapping in the wind door . " " Oh , Louis . There you are . " He must 've slipped out yesterday morning when I left to go with my Mom to Fort Erie . Good thing he didn 't wander away too far . Busy roads , weird neighbors , big bugs and wild animals . You never know what might carry a small cat off into the abyss of the unknown . He ought to stick around home for a while , where it 's safe . Well , I had another busy week last week . I started with visiting my friend Stephanie ( see picture to the left ) in Binghamton . I made the three hour ( almost ) drive last Monday , all by myself and without getting lost . I hadn 't seen Steph since last November as she couldn 't make it for my wedding and hadn 't had the time to go see her in between then and now . We met at O . B . C . when I was ten and we have been friends ever since . We managed to have a nice visit together despite myself being a little under the weather . I even got to meet her boyfriend , Stephen . He 's quite the character ; ) My week didn 't stop after I returned home on Wednesday . Thursday I stopped by Mom and Dad 's house and spent the afternoon there . Friday , after teaching my pupils for the morning , I was back at Mom and Dad 's . They were going away for the weekend and Adam and I were going to spend the night with my brothers and sister . My brother 's nieces were also there for a while because my Mom babysits them . Alysa and I spent some time together wandering the backyard , vacuuming the dining room and my car , and making fudgy brownies . We made a good team . I also had the privledge of making dinner for my siblings . After looking through the cupboards and a quick run to the store for some cheese , I began making a masterpiece . My very first lasagna ever . Mom had these cool no - boil lasagna noodles in her cupboard and they worked really well . I must say I was quite impressed with my first lasagna . A little sauce , a little meat , some zucchini ( sliced thin ) , a bit of ricotta cheese and mozarella , and some more sauce . And noodles all layered between . Mmm , good . Eventually Adam came home from work and we commenced playing a good game of Duck Hunt with the Nintendo I had bought from a garage sale earlier that week . We also played Jenga and Mario . It was nice spending the evening with Hannah . Ben had gone off to Juniors at church , so we didn 't get to spend much time with him , although we did have the whole morning the next day . I made blueberry pancakes for breakfasPosted by
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It has come to my attention , that I don 't say enough about my husband on my blog . Thing is , I 'm never sure how much to write about him . I have no problem saying things about myself , and potentially embarrasing myself , but I don 't want to do the same for him , so I err on the quiet side . So it was perfect that Danielle tagged me for this meme about how well I know my husband . After 10 years together , this should have been easy , but I 'm not all that sure I answered correctly . 1 . He 's sitting in front of the TV ; what is on the screen ? Bones2 . You 're out to eat ; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad ? Ranch and sometimes Thousand Island3 . What 's one food he doesn 't like ? Seafood4 . You go to a bar . What does he order ? Duck Farts or Smirnoff Ice5 . Where did he go to high school ? Selah6 . What size shoe does he wear ? 11 usually7 . If he was to collect anything what would it be ? Guns , Cars8 . What is his favorite kind of sandwich ? Homemade Vegetarian9 . What would this person eat every day if he could ? He likes variety , so not sure he 'd eat one thing every day . Although peanut butter and cheddar cheese ( not together ) he eats most every day . 10 . What is his favorite cereal ? Lucky Charms ( I think ) 11 . What would he never wear ? A suit and tie12 . What is his favorite sports team ? He roots for several football teams , but not sure he has a favorite . 13 . Who will he vote for ? For President ? I don 't know . Dino Rossi for governor . We both hope there aren 't endless recounts this year that cost him the governer 's seat . 14 . Who is his best friend ? I am . 15 . What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn 't do ? Pick at my hair . 16 . How many states has he lived in ? One for the most part . Although he did spend some time in Alaska and in California17 . What is his heritage ? Umm . . . no idea . 18 . You bake him a cake for his birthday ; what kind of cake ? White cake , chocolate frosting , but I 'm not sure that 's his favorite . 19 . Did he play sports in high school ? Drag Racing , although it wasn 't through the high school . 20 . What could he spend hours Posted by Last week I went on my very first field trip as a mom . I was a chaperon to 3 students , one of which was my own . I definitely felt like cattle in a herd , as all the kindergarten students for Kaia 's school were there . The pumpkin patch had so many groups that they herded us from one section to the next , with just a bit of time spent at each . I had a great group though . The little boy wanted to hug me all the time , and Kaia became quite jealous . I also had a shy little girl that hardly spoke , and knows only a little English . She was quite opposite Kaia , who is very outgoing and never stops speaking . They got along great though and we had fun . Kaia picked out one of the biggest pumpkins to take home with her . She could barely carry it . I picked out a small one for Mo . I hope tonight we can carve them so they will be ready for Halloween . And in a move that is sure to kill my chances for the mom of the year award , I scheduled an appointment for my kids to get their flu shots on Halloween morning . Mo knows , but Kaia doesn 't . She 'll find out when we get there , and not before , or I 'd be dragging a screaming child into the clinic , and that is never fun . I 'm hoping the costumes that the staff wear will make the visit a bit more fun . Plus she can wear her princess costume ( a fancy dress from Grammy and Papa and one of my tiaras from my pageant days ) , so it shouldn 't be too bad , right ? It was a long drive up to the top of Raven 's Roost . It 's a winding , one - lane dirt road . That meant everytime a vehicle was coming the other direction , someone has to pull to the side . Being opening elk weekend , there was plenty of pulling over . We were blessed with a beautiful clear day . It was cold and windy , but you could see for miles . When up at the top , you feel like you are on top of the world , until you glance over at the towering Mount Rainier . A quick glance over the edge reminds you just how far up you are . I 'm not a panicky mama , but everytime Kaia stepped within 4 feet of the edge , I came unglued . I don 't mind heights , but I don 't like edges . Especially not ones that my girl could trip and fall down , and we 'd have no way of saving her . I shudder thinking of it ! The Jeep got a little muddy on the way up , but it got even muddier on the way down ! Notice I 'm hanging on tight to my girl , and staying in front of the " barrier " . I 'm still not sure what that barrier could possibly keep from going over . Notice there is no Mo in the photos . He sat on my hip for a bit , I let him down for about 30 seconds so he could inspect the radio tower that is located up there , and then he was cold and wanted to go back to his car seat . I was happy to oblige . It was a nice little break for the day , and fun family time . One of the biggest questions you may face is , " Where should we go ? " We are blessed to live in Central Washington . There are camping opportunities all around us . There are at least 4 nearby mountain passes ( all within an hour 's drive ) with numerous campgrounds , and I can think of 4 other nearby areas where there is camping and some campgrounds . First thing to do : Ask around . Find out where others ' enjoy camping . Be sure to ask about the facilities , and what they do while they are camping . I know of a campground that is right on the Columbia River , but it is really meant for people with some sort of watercraft , so it 's not an ideal spot for us . Second thing to do : Look online . Check out ReserveAmerica . com , but remember they don 't cover many great US Forest Service Campgrounds . So check out your local Forest Service website . For us , I check the Naches Ranger District site , to find out about burn bans , campground closures , and trail information . Last , once you have some ideas of where you 'd like to camp , take a day trip . Pack a picnic lunch , pile everyone into your vehicle and spend a Saturday or Sunday at the spot you are considering . Many have day parking for a small fee , others have parking nearby , and some may require you to purchase one night . Still a $ 10 fee to spend the day and decide if you would enjoy a weekend there is much better than spending $ 20 or $ 30 to camp during the weekend , and leaving because you are miserable . Our camping trip this weekend , is now a day trip . As my header explains , it is never dull around here . Our house has been pretty crazy the last 2 weeks , and we have not had time to pack , nor have we found firewood . It is also opening weekend of elk hunting . While there are many responsible hunters out there , there are also some irresponsible ones . Just yesterday , a friend told us that he was up near Ellensburg , WA and there was a truck being driven by two women . There were two men in the back . One guy had a beer in one hand , and his firearm in the other . It was 10 a . m . That is scary ! So this wePosted by One key aspect to enjoying your camping trip is to have fun ! For many people the question is , " What do we do once up there ? " The answers are many , and all depends on what you enjoy . Growing up camping meant hiking to me . We 'd set out and follow the trails around Mt . Rainier . Or , we 'd just climb right up a hillside to see what there is to see . Many campgrounds have nearby trails that you can follow . Just being out in the fresh air , enjoying the beauty of God 's great earth , and getting some exercise can make your day a lot of fun . Water is fun ! Whether it 's camping by a lake , a pond or near a river , having water to play in makes the trip fun for kids and adults . Our favorite campground is across the road from a river where in the warm summer months we go to cool down and look for the crawdads and small fish that live near the banks of the river . In the early spring there is the frog pond , which also houses salamanders and in the nearby rocks are small snakes . Another great camping spot we enjoy is on Rimrock Lake . We just wade in the water , but many lakes have some place nearby that rent paddle boats . Also if you are near water , you can go fishing , just be sure to check out the rules and regulations for your area . Camp near an event or activity . Jennifer mentioned in the comments of my last post that they used to camp out for a football game . Great idea ! We went camping in 2007 near Silverwood Theme Park . We were able to enjoy camping , and go have fun on the rides . Many outdoor concert venues in Washington have campgrounds nearby so that you can enjoy your favorite band without driving all night to get home . Invite family and friends . One of the best things about camping is having friends and family come up to join us ! Whether it 's a day trip for them , or they camp beside us , it 's always enjoyable to spend time with those we love . If you don 't have family and friends willing to join you , take a note from Kaia 's book of life : Make some ! She always meets a new friend camping , and we 've been able to chat with the parents Posted by To start my camping series I 'd like to start with the basics of camping . If you haven 't been camping , then it may seem like a daunting task . What do I need ? Where do I start ? I grew up camping . I was never a fan of the backpacking trips where you hiked in with everything , and you brought it back out . My dad and my brother lived for these trips though . Instead I enjoyed the family going up with our tents and coolers . There was an outhouse , and at some locations real flushing toilets , and always fresh water to use . I 'm going to assume , that is the kind of trip you will take too . Make sure you have enough . That includes everything . Think you have your meals all planned out and don 't need anymore food ? Take a box of mac and cheese or a can of ravioli , just in case . No one is sick ? Still take some fever reducer / pain reliever with you and a basic first aid kit . Always have an extra pair of socks and shoes , and an extra change of clothes too . Also , plan an extra blanket per person . Even with a trailer like ours , things happen . Heaters can go out , and then you are in need of those extra clothes and blankets . If you have a propane stove , make sure you have plenty of bottles . If you are using battery operated lights , have extra batteries . Have water . We always fill the water tank up in the trailer before leaving . Even though we have all that water , we also take some water jugs with us . We set one up on the tailgate for handwashing . Another is used to fill the dogs water bucket . And if you are tent camping you will need it for washing dishes and drinking / cooking water . Most organized campsites have a place to refill the jugs as needed . Setting up camp . The first night at camp can be a bit hectic . You have to level a trailer or set up tents , a campfire to start and everything to unload . A good idea is to plan a quick and easy dinner for that first night . Something made ahead that just needs reheated , or something with very little prep . We 've tried to do hamburgers , but it just takes too long . Spaghetti , chili , or even hot dogs aPosted by What happens when I don 't like either the Democratic or Republican Candidate in any office ? I vote Libertarian . I have never joined the Libertarian party , but I have always liked their philosophy . In a nutshell , government goes too far . On a Federal level the belief is that more power should be in the hands of the States . Or as the slogan on Bob Barr 's site says " The Answer is Less Government . " Since I cannot bring myself to vote for McCain or Obama , Barr will get my vote . Will he be elected ? No , but at least I know I voted for someone that I felt could do a good job . Thank you all for your patience as life has been more important than blogging lately . Next week , we are planning to go on our last camping trip of the year . It will be the last weekend of October , the same time we took our last and fateful camping trip last year . This year , however , Mo is not going to get pneumonia and spend 5 days in the hospital scaring the crap out of his parents , it 's just not allowed ! Something that I find amazing , is that most hits I receive from search engines are people looking for camping menus . So next week , my posts will all be camping themed . I cannot promise a post everyday , but I do promise some great camping ideas , and food . If there is one thing we Kihn 's enjoy , it is camping ! Please take a moment to let me know , if you have any camping questions in the comments . I 'd be happy to answer them . Strep Throat . That 's what my darling Kaia has , and she kindly shared with her little brother . Both are on antibiotics now . Kaia on amoxicillin , and Mo on azithromyacin ( he 's allergic to amox ) . Both seem to be better today . Kaia will go back to school tomorrow . Sorry for lack of posting , but 2 sick kids and me trying to get caught up at work is a bit time consuming . She did it ! Kaia was a busy , buzzing bee in Missoula Childrens Theater 's Rumplestiltskin yesterday . She had lots of family at the 3 o ' clock show to watch her do her stuff . Hard to believe that on Wednesday , at her first rehearsal , she was like a zombie . She swore she was just cold and tired . When rehearsal was over , she climbed onto the couch and went to sleep . When I checked her , she had a 102 degree fever . Thursday morning , she woke with a fever of 103 . I kept her home from school , and the poor thing slept most of the day in between being too hot or too cold . I had promised her she could go to rehearsal if she was feeling better . Except things weren 't looking better . Just an hour and a half before rehearsal , her fever reached 104 ! I put her in the bath , gave her another dose of ibuprofen , and called the doctors office . Kaia became hysterical . She HAD to be at rehearsal , PLEASE don 't call the doctor . After the bath her fever dropped to 100 . I talked with the nurse at the doctors and she agreed that Kaia could go to the rehearsal , but should wear a mask . So we stopped at the store to pick up a mask , we dosed her with tylenol , and I sanitized her hands when we got to rehearsal . The mask definitely got her some sympathy . Amazingly , she did really well that evening . It was a tiring experience for her , but she is set on doing it again next year ! If you came here for some sexy , exciting post . . . well you have happened upon the wrong blog for you . I want to talk about a great frugal meat : Soup Bones . You may know that my parents gifted us with a third of a cow early this summer . One of the great cuts , which I have found very inexpensive in stores is the Soup Bone . The trick with soup bones is that they really are made for soup , stews , or any other dish that will allow them to be cooked at a medium temperature for several hours . This may seem a challenge to some , but the great thing is they provide excellent flavor to a dish for little money . I 've made many different soup type dishes with this meat . Mostly it 's beef soup or stew , but also tomato based one pot meals . Just remember to put the meat into a pot , add some seasoning , cover with water , and cook on low to medium heat for at least 2 hours . Then remove bone and meat ( they usually separate ) cut the meat into small pieces . Add meat back to stock that you now have , and add your veggies . I like to add onion during the original cooking time , then add celery and carrots after the meat is put back in . Add some potatoes , rice , barley , or pasta and any other seasonings and finish cooking . Veggies like peas or corn should be added right at the end of cooking if desired . An inexpensive cut of meat goes a long way to feed a family of 4 with leftovers ! Some neighborhoods have a little tradition . It involves anonymous gift giving around holidays . Our neighborhood now has the Neighborhood Ghost . We were hit by the neighborhood ghost on Sunday night . Whoever ghosted us gave us included a coloring book for each of the kids , a Family Circle Magazine and some fruit snacks . I struggled with who to ghost next . Because I 've been sick it took me a day , but finally I decided to ghost our neighbors Grandpa Carl and Grandma Mikey . She had a mild stroke a few weeks back , and they mean so much to us . At first I thought I should ghost someone we didn 't know very well , but in the end our very special , and much loved neighbors received our gifts . I did all my shopping at ShopKo while picking up some alcohol pads for Dana . I wanted a one - stop shop because it was about all I could take . I found some good deals while I was there . The patchwork pumpkin and the leaf with acorns were buy one get one free . So in the end I paid $ 2 each . The fleece was marked down from $ 12 . 99 to $ 4 . 99 and is a light blue with jack - o - lanterns on it , and finally I picked up some Country Time lemonade hard candies . They were in the dollar section , and everything in the dollar section was 75 cents . I spent about $ 10 total for our Neighborhood Ghost , but it will never be enough to repay the kind and wonderful neighbors we have . After a long and grueling audition . . . I 'm only half kidding . You should have seen all the kids going round through the circle saying the line . It was almost 2 hours after we started that parts were assigned . I 'm so excited that Kaia is one of the bees ! I was worried at first . They had the kids all lined up from tallest to smallest . Then they adjusted them for age as each child said their name and age in a loud voice . Then they went around and said their name and age in a happy voice , then in a mad voice . The problem was , that they started with the oldest kids then made their way to the youngest . By the time it was Kaia 's turn , most of the kids around her had forgotten what to do . But , then they were all paired into A 's and B 's . The A 's asked , " Why did the chicken cross the playground ? " the B 's would answer , " to get to the other slide . " Then both the A and B had to laugh like it was the funniest joke ever . Well Kaia said her line ! After her , it pretty much fizzled out to some young kids just staring at the directors . Then came the singing . Row , Row , Row Your Boat . I knew Kaia would do well there . She loves to sing , sings mostly on key , and projects well when she sings . This time they were broke into groups . Kaia 's group was last . Kaia and 2 other girls carried the group ( the other 2 were a bit older ) and I was very proud . Out of all the wee ones in her section , Kaia and the other 2 girls were the only ones to get parts . The 3 of them are bees , and first rehearsal is Wednesday ! There were lots of tears that evening , but I was so thankful that they were not Kaia 's . On Dana 's stuff , well it didn 't go well , please just pray for some great opportunities to head his way . This may sound like a strange food , but during our recent trip to Leavenworth we sampled this yummy dip at our favorite food store " A Matter of Taste . " I considered buying a jar , but it was $ 10 . 99 and seemed so simple . A quick look at the ingredients and I knew I could make it at home . Sunday night , we had company over , and I did just that . I 'd love to show you a photo , but it was devoured ! Dirty Martini Dip4 oz of cream cheese ( I used italian cream cheese since it was on close - out at the grocery store ) 10 small green olives , pimento stuffed ( give or take a few ) dash of garlic salt ( or more to taste ) 6 jalapeno slices , nacho style or pickled ( you could also use fresh , but I thought the pickled slices would give it better flavor ) Blend together in your food processor . We ate this with homemade potato chips and tortilla chips . This would also be excellent of fresh veggies . I believe this cost me $ 1 . 50 at the most , so a great bargain ! Today my drama queen has a chance to show her acting abilities ! Yes , we have auditions for the Missoula Children 's Theater production of Rumplestiltskin . They have lots of openings , and it is designed to get as many kids in the production as possible . I believe that her age group will be playing the part of the bees . ( Don 't ask where the bees were in Rumplestiltskin , I have no idea ) She has been waiting a whole year to be old enough to audition , and is very excited . I would like to share why , I believe that my drama queen will have no problem performing for an audience . She has experience showing off for large crowds . Back when I was pregnant with Mo , Kaia enjoyed running away from me . It could be in church , the grocery store , in parking lots , it was all part of the fun for her . Toward the end of my pregnancy though , I could no longer run after her . She figured this out , and was living up the " run away from the waddling mama " game to its fullest . Under that sweet face was a little tormentor ! That was the game one day at church . I took Kaia out because she was being extremely loud . She took off running into the fellowship area , and headed toward my classroom which was at the end of the building . There are plenty of toys in there , so I waddled over to see what she was playing with . It was then I discovered that she wasn 't in the classroom . She had turned and gone down the hall . Waddling Mama started a fast waddle because she turned into a short hallway , which then turns to a long hallway , and at the end of that hallway is a door . A door that leads right into the front of the sanctuary . I turned the corner to see turbo running , toward the door . I 'm half - whispering , half - shouting " Kaia , STOP ! " Waddling Mama actually breaks into a run , a run fast enough that it feels like Mo should drop out onto his little noggin . Alas , my pregnant butt was no match for Kaia . She opened the door before I could get to her , and ran into the front of the sanctuary . She went up to the podium on the small stage and attempted to talk to the entPosted by This is mostly a repost from September , but I wanted to share my pretty Fall decorations . Plus this may inspire me to find some of the items that have " walked off " since I put them out . Last month , I found the cutest chocolate brown plate on clearance at Target . ( it looks lighter due to the flash ) I went to the produce stand that day to find fresh vegetables for a dinner we were having . The produce stand was filled to the brim with gourds and pumpkins . I knew that I would find what I needed to fill that cute plate at Target there . I 'm not crafty , but Kelli inspires me to be a bit more . So I dug around in the closet in the basement , and found plenty of fall items . I created this plate , with 2 of the 4 gourds from the produce stand , and some flowers from an arrangement I received last year . There were still plenty of flowers though , from a bouquet that Kaia had brought home from Grammy 's and started to destroy . So I added them to the old bouquet after chopping with Dana 's cutters from the garage . I even switched the magazines over to early fall mags , and the Garden Moment Getaways that I received from Kelli 's giveaway . There were still more things leftover , though . So why not one more decoration ? I hope you are all enjoying this Fall . This post is part of Show & Tell over at Kelli 's . Check it out , you may find more great ideas ! The year was 1990 . I was 12 years old and had the height of fashion in my closet after back to school shopping . MC Hammer triangle pants and an equally odd shaped , shoulder padded matching shirts in such lovely colors like mustard yellow and a harish green . Yeah it was a great year for fashion . But , I was in love with Motley Crue , Poison , Warrant , and Bon Jovi . My friend and I wanted to be rocker chicks . Not the sexy , high - heeled , skimpy shirt wearing rocker chicks because quite frankly neither one of us could have pulled that off . No , we wanted to look like skid row rocker chicks . On school photo day , which if memory serves me right , I forgot all about having photos . I went to school rockin in my friend 's white , oversized t - shirt with holes and a pair of skin tight stretch denim jeans that zipped up the back and at the ankles . The frizzy hair , high bangs , and metal mouth really completed the look . For more photos you won 't find in the scrapbook , head on over to We Are THAT Family . * Microsoft Clipart * This morning Mo came into the kitchen and said he was " foosty . " Then he decided the remedy . He told me , " I want cawfee . " I answered , " You don 't need any coffee , Mo . " That 's when he put on his gruff voice and said , " I NEED cawfee ! " I can relate , buddy , really I can . Posted by We 're a bunch of rednecks up here in Central Washington , just waiting for our own reality show . There are twin 4 year old hurricanes that are always into something . An 8 year old with a Minecraft obsession and ADHD . And an 11 year old drama queen that has already started in musical theater . Us adults work full time and try to make ends meet . We are loud , we are wild , and often inappropriate . Hey , it 's just another day at the Kihn 's . Copyright 2005 - 2014 . My words are my own and may not be used without my permission . Photographs are my own , unless otherwise noted , and may not be used without permission . You may link to my blog freely .
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It has come to my attention , that I don 't say enough about my husband on my blog . Thing is , I 'm never sure how much to write about him . I have no problem saying things about myself , and potentially embarrasing myself , but I don 't want to do the same for him , so I err on the quiet side . So it was perfect that Danielle tagged me for this meme about how well I know my husband . After 10 years together , this should have been easy , but I 'm not all that sure I answered correctly . 1 . He 's sitting in front of the TV ; what is on the screen ? Bones2 . You 're out to eat ; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad ? Ranch and sometimes Thousand Island3 . What 's one food he doesn 't like ? Seafood4 . You go to a bar . What does he order ? Duck Farts or Smirnoff Ice5 . Where did he go to high school ? Selah6 . What size shoe does he wear ? 11 usually7 . If he was to collect anything what would it be ? Guns , Cars8 . What is his favorite kind of sandwich ? Homemade Vegetarian9 . What would this person eat every day if he could ? He likes variety , so not sure he 'd eat one thing every day . Although peanut butter and cheddar cheese ( not together ) he eats most every day . 10 . What is his favorite cereal ? Lucky Charms ( I think ) 11 . What would he never wear ? A suit and tie12 . What is his favorite sports team ? He roots for several football teams , but not sure he has a favorite . 13 . Who will he vote for ? For President ? I don 't know . Dino Rossi for governor . We both hope there aren 't endless recounts this year that cost him the governer 's seat . 14 . Who is his best friend ? I am . 15 . What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn 't do ? Pick at my hair . 16 . How many states has he lived in ? One for the most part . Although he did spend some time in Alaska and in California17 . What is his heritage ? Umm . . . no idea . 18 . You bake him a cake for his birthday ; what kind of cake ? White cake , chocolate frosting , but I 'm not sure that 's his favorite . 19 . Did he play sports in high school ? Drag Racing , although it wasn 't through the high school . 20 . What could he spend hours Posted by Last week I went on my very first field trip as a mom . I was a chaperon to 3 students , one of which was my own . I definitely felt like cattle in a herd , as all the kindergarten students for Kaia 's school were there . The pumpkin patch had so many groups that they herded us from one section to the next , with just a bit of time spent at each . I had a great group though . The little boy wanted to hug me all the time , and Kaia became quite jealous . I also had a shy little girl that hardly spoke , and knows only a little English . She was quite opposite Kaia , who is very outgoing and never stops speaking . They got along great though and we had fun . Kaia picked out one of the biggest pumpkins to take home with her . She could barely carry it . I picked out a small one for Mo . I hope tonight we can carve them so they will be ready for Halloween . And in a move that is sure to kill my chances for the mom of the year award , I scheduled an appointment for my kids to get their flu shots on Halloween morning . Mo knows , but Kaia doesn 't . She 'll find out when we get there , and not before , or I 'd be dragging a screaming child into the clinic , and that is never fun . I 'm hoping the costumes that the staff wear will make the visit a bit more fun . Plus she can wear her princess costume ( a fancy dress from Grammy and Papa and one of my tiaras from my pageant days ) , so it shouldn 't be too bad , right ? It was a long drive up to the top of Raven 's Roost . It 's a winding , one - lane dirt road . That meant everytime a vehicle was coming the other direction , someone has to pull to the side . Being opening elk weekend , there was plenty of pulling over . We were blessed with a beautiful clear day . It was cold and windy , but you could see for miles . When up at the top , you feel like you are on top of the world , until you glance over at the towering Mount Rainier . A quick glance over the edge reminds you just how far up you are . I 'm not a panicky mama , but everytime Kaia stepped within 4 feet of the edge , I came unglued . I don 't mind heights , but I don 't like edges . Especially not ones that my girl could trip and fall down , and we 'd have no way of saving her . I shudder thinking of it ! The Jeep got a little muddy on the way up , but it got even muddier on the way down ! Notice I 'm hanging on tight to my girl , and staying in front of the " barrier " . I 'm still not sure what that barrier could possibly keep from going over . Notice there is no Mo in the photos . He sat on my hip for a bit , I let him down for about 30 seconds so he could inspect the radio tower that is located up there , and then he was cold and wanted to go back to his car seat . I was happy to oblige . It was a nice little break for the day , and fun family time . One of the biggest questions you may face is , " Where should we go ? " We are blessed to live in Central Washington . There are camping opportunities all around us . There are at least 4 nearby mountain passes ( all within an hour 's drive ) with numerous campgrounds , and I can think of 4 other nearby areas where there is camping and some campgrounds . First thing to do : Ask around . Find out where others ' enjoy camping . Be sure to ask about the facilities , and what they do while they are camping . I know of a campground that is right on the Columbia River , but it is really meant for people with some sort of watercraft , so it 's not an ideal spot for us . Second thing to do : Look online . Check out ReserveAmerica . com , but remember they don 't cover many great US Forest Service Campgrounds . So check out your local Forest Service website . For us , I check the Naches Ranger District site , to find out about burn bans , campground closures , and trail information . Last , once you have some ideas of where you 'd like to camp , take a day trip . Pack a picnic lunch , pile everyone into your vehicle and spend a Saturday or Sunday at the spot you are considering . Many have day parking for a small fee , others have parking nearby , and some may require you to purchase one night . Still a $ 10 fee to spend the day and decide if you would enjoy a weekend there is much better than spending $ 20 or $ 30 to camp during the weekend , and leaving because you are miserable . Our camping trip this weekend , is now a day trip . As my header explains , it is never dull around here . Our house has been pretty crazy the last 2 weeks , and we have not had time to pack , nor have we found firewood . It is also opening weekend of elk hunting . While there are many responsible hunters out there , there are also some irresponsible ones . Just yesterday , a friend told us that he was up near Ellensburg , WA and there was a truck being driven by two women . There were two men in the back . One guy had a beer in one hand , and his firearm in the other . It was 10 a . m . That is scary ! So this wePosted by One key aspect to enjoying your camping trip is to have fun ! For many people the question is , " What do we do once up there ? " The answers are many , and all depends on what you enjoy . Growing up camping meant hiking to me . We 'd set out and follow the trails around Mt . Rainier . Or , we 'd just climb right up a hillside to see what there is to see . Many campgrounds have nearby trails that you can follow . Just being out in the fresh air , enjoying the beauty of God 's great earth , and getting some exercise can make your day a lot of fun . Water is fun ! Whether it 's camping by a lake , a pond or near a river , having water to play in makes the trip fun for kids and adults . Our favorite campground is across the road from a river where in the warm summer months we go to cool down and look for the crawdads and small fish that live near the banks of the river . In the early spring there is the frog pond , which also houses salamanders and in the nearby rocks are small snakes . Another great camping spot we enjoy is on Rimrock Lake . We just wade in the water , but many lakes have some place nearby that rent paddle boats . Also if you are near water , you can go fishing , just be sure to check out the rules and regulations for your area . Camp near an event or activity . Jennifer mentioned in the comments of my last post that they used to camp out for a football game . Great idea ! We went camping in 2007 near Silverwood Theme Park . We were able to enjoy camping , and go have fun on the rides . Many outdoor concert venues in Washington have campgrounds nearby so that you can enjoy your favorite band without driving all night to get home . Invite family and friends . One of the best things about camping is having friends and family come up to join us ! Whether it 's a day trip for them , or they camp beside us , it 's always enjoyable to spend time with those we love . If you don 't have family and friends willing to join you , take a note from Kaia 's book of life : Make some ! She always meets a new friend camping , and we 've been able to chat with the parents Posted by To start my camping series I 'd like to start with the basics of camping . If you haven 't been camping , then it may seem like a daunting task . What do I need ? Where do I start ? I grew up camping . I was never a fan of the backpacking trips where you hiked in with everything , and you brought it back out . My dad and my brother lived for these trips though . Instead I enjoyed the family going up with our tents and coolers . There was an outhouse , and at some locations real flushing toilets , and always fresh water to use . I 'm going to assume , that is the kind of trip you will take too . Make sure you have enough . That includes everything . Think you have your meals all planned out and don 't need anymore food ? Take a box of mac and cheese or a can of ravioli , just in case . No one is sick ? Still take some fever reducer / pain reliever with you and a basic first aid kit . Always have an extra pair of socks and shoes , and an extra change of clothes too . Also , plan an extra blanket per person . Even with a trailer like ours , things happen . Heaters can go out , and then you are in need of those extra clothes and blankets . If you have a propane stove , make sure you have plenty of bottles . If you are using battery operated lights , have extra batteries . Have water . We always fill the water tank up in the trailer before leaving . Even though we have all that water , we also take some water jugs with us . We set one up on the tailgate for handwashing . Another is used to fill the dogs water bucket . And if you are tent camping you will need it for washing dishes and drinking / cooking water . Most organized campsites have a place to refill the jugs as needed . Setting up camp . The first night at camp can be a bit hectic . You have to level a trailer or set up tents , a campfire to start and everything to unload . A good idea is to plan a quick and easy dinner for that first night . Something made ahead that just needs reheated , or something with very little prep . We 've tried to do hamburgers , but it just takes too long . Spaghetti , chili , or even hot dogs aPosted by What happens when I don 't like either the Democratic or Republican Candidate in any office ? I vote Libertarian . I have never joined the Libertarian party , but I have always liked their philosophy . In a nutshell , government goes too far . On a Federal level the belief is that more power should be in the hands of the States . Or as the slogan on Bob Barr 's site says " The Answer is Less Government . " Since I cannot bring myself to vote for McCain or Obama , Barr will get my vote . Will he be elected ? No , but at least I know I voted for someone that I felt could do a good job . Thank you all for your patience as life has been more important than blogging lately . Next week , we are planning to go on our last camping trip of the year . It will be the last weekend of October , the same time we took our last and fateful camping trip last year . This year , however , Mo is not going to get pneumonia and spend 5 days in the hospital scaring the crap out of his parents , it 's just not allowed ! Something that I find amazing , is that most hits I receive from search engines are people looking for camping menus . So next week , my posts will all be camping themed . I cannot promise a post everyday , but I do promise some great camping ideas , and food . If there is one thing we Kihn 's enjoy , it is camping ! Please take a moment to let me know , if you have any camping questions in the comments . I 'd be happy to answer them . Strep Throat . That 's what my darling Kaia has , and she kindly shared with her little brother . Both are on antibiotics now . Kaia on amoxicillin , and Mo on azithromyacin ( he 's allergic to amox ) . Both seem to be better today . Kaia will go back to school tomorrow . Sorry for lack of posting , but 2 sick kids and me trying to get caught up at work is a bit time consuming . She did it ! Kaia was a busy , buzzing bee in Missoula Childrens Theater 's Rumplestiltskin yesterday . She had lots of family at the 3 o ' clock show to watch her do her stuff . Hard to believe that on Wednesday , at her first rehearsal , she was like a zombie . She swore she was just cold and tired . When rehearsal was over , she climbed onto the couch and went to sleep . When I checked her , she had a 102 degree fever . Thursday morning , she woke with a fever of 103 . I kept her home from school , and the poor thing slept most of the day in between being too hot or too cold . I had promised her she could go to rehearsal if she was feeling better . Except things weren 't looking better . Just an hour and a half before rehearsal , her fever reached 104 ! I put her in the bath , gave her another dose of ibuprofen , and called the doctors office . Kaia became hysterical . She HAD to be at rehearsal , PLEASE don 't call the doctor . After the bath her fever dropped to 100 . I talked with the nurse at the doctors and she agreed that Kaia could go to the rehearsal , but should wear a mask . So we stopped at the store to pick up a mask , we dosed her with tylenol , and I sanitized her hands when we got to rehearsal . The mask definitely got her some sympathy . Amazingly , she did really well that evening . It was a tiring experience for her , but she is set on doing it again next year ! If you came here for some sexy , exciting post . . . well you have happened upon the wrong blog for you . I want to talk about a great frugal meat : Soup Bones . You may know that my parents gifted us with a third of a cow early this summer . One of the great cuts , which I have found very inexpensive in stores is the Soup Bone . The trick with soup bones is that they really are made for soup , stews , or any other dish that will allow them to be cooked at a medium temperature for several hours . This may seem a challenge to some , but the great thing is they provide excellent flavor to a dish for little money . I 've made many different soup type dishes with this meat . Mostly it 's beef soup or stew , but also tomato based one pot meals . Just remember to put the meat into a pot , add some seasoning , cover with water , and cook on low to medium heat for at least 2 hours . Then remove bone and meat ( they usually separate ) cut the meat into small pieces . Add meat back to stock that you now have , and add your veggies . I like to add onion during the original cooking time , then add celery and carrots after the meat is put back in . Add some potatoes , rice , barley , or pasta and any other seasonings and finish cooking . Veggies like peas or corn should be added right at the end of cooking if desired . An inexpensive cut of meat goes a long way to feed a family of 4 with leftovers ! Some neighborhoods have a little tradition . It involves anonymous gift giving around holidays . Our neighborhood now has the Neighborhood Ghost . We were hit by the neighborhood ghost on Sunday night . Whoever ghosted us gave us included a coloring book for each of the kids , a Family Circle Magazine and some fruit snacks . I struggled with who to ghost next . Because I 've been sick it took me a day , but finally I decided to ghost our neighbors Grandpa Carl and Grandma Mikey . She had a mild stroke a few weeks back , and they mean so much to us . At first I thought I should ghost someone we didn 't know very well , but in the end our very special , and much loved neighbors received our gifts . I did all my shopping at ShopKo while picking up some alcohol pads for Dana . I wanted a one - stop shop because it was about all I could take . I found some good deals while I was there . The patchwork pumpkin and the leaf with acorns were buy one get one free . So in the end I paid $ 2 each . The fleece was marked down from $ 12 . 99 to $ 4 . 99 and is a light blue with jack - o - lanterns on it , and finally I picked up some Country Time lemonade hard candies . They were in the dollar section , and everything in the dollar section was 75 cents . I spent about $ 10 total for our Neighborhood Ghost , but it will never be enough to repay the kind and wonderful neighbors we have . After a long and grueling audition . . . I 'm only half kidding . You should have seen all the kids going round through the circle saying the line . It was almost 2 hours after we started that parts were assigned . I 'm so excited that Kaia is one of the bees ! I was worried at first . They had the kids all lined up from tallest to smallest . Then they adjusted them for age as each child said their name and age in a loud voice . Then they went around and said their name and age in a happy voice , then in a mad voice . The problem was , that they started with the oldest kids then made their way to the youngest . By the time it was Kaia 's turn , most of the kids around her had forgotten what to do . But , then they were all paired into A 's and B 's . The A 's asked , " Why did the chicken cross the playground ? " the B 's would answer , " to get to the other slide . " Then both the A and B had to laugh like it was the funniest joke ever . Well Kaia said her line ! After her , it pretty much fizzled out to some young kids just staring at the directors . Then came the singing . Row , Row , Row Your Boat . I knew Kaia would do well there . She loves to sing , sings mostly on key , and projects well when she sings . This time they were broke into groups . Kaia 's group was last . Kaia and 2 other girls carried the group ( the other 2 were a bit older ) and I was very proud . Out of all the wee ones in her section , Kaia and the other 2 girls were the only ones to get parts . The 3 of them are bees , and first rehearsal is Wednesday ! There were lots of tears that evening , but I was so thankful that they were not Kaia 's . On Dana 's stuff , well it didn 't go well , please just pray for some great opportunities to head his way . This may sound like a strange food , but during our recent trip to Leavenworth we sampled this yummy dip at our favorite food store " A Matter of Taste . " I considered buying a jar , but it was $ 10 . 99 and seemed so simple . A quick look at the ingredients and I knew I could make it at home . Sunday night , we had company over , and I did just that . I 'd love to show you a photo , but it was devoured ! Dirty Martini Dip4 oz of cream cheese ( I used italian cream cheese since it was on close - out at the grocery store ) 10 small green olives , pimento stuffed ( give or take a few ) dash of garlic salt ( or more to taste ) 6 jalapeno slices , nacho style or pickled ( you could also use fresh , but I thought the pickled slices would give it better flavor ) Blend together in your food processor . We ate this with homemade potato chips and tortilla chips . This would also be excellent of fresh veggies . I believe this cost me $ 1 . 50 at the most , so a great bargain ! Today my drama queen has a chance to show her acting abilities ! Yes , we have auditions for the Missoula Children 's Theater production of Rumplestiltskin . They have lots of openings , and it is designed to get as many kids in the production as possible . I believe that her age group will be playing the part of the bees . ( Don 't ask where the bees were in Rumplestiltskin , I have no idea ) She has been waiting a whole year to be old enough to audition , and is very excited . I would like to share why , I believe that my drama queen will have no problem performing for an audience . She has experience showing off for large crowds . Back when I was pregnant with Mo , Kaia enjoyed running away from me . It could be in church , the grocery store , in parking lots , it was all part of the fun for her . Toward the end of my pregnancy though , I could no longer run after her . She figured this out , and was living up the " run away from the waddling mama " game to its fullest . Under that sweet face was a little tormentor ! That was the game one day at church . I took Kaia out because she was being extremely loud . She took off running into the fellowship area , and headed toward my classroom which was at the end of the building . There are plenty of toys in there , so I waddled over to see what she was playing with . It was then I discovered that she wasn 't in the classroom . She had turned and gone down the hall . Waddling Mama started a fast waddle because she turned into a short hallway , which then turns to a long hallway , and at the end of that hallway is a door . A door that leads right into the front of the sanctuary . I turned the corner to see turbo running , toward the door . I 'm half - whispering , half - shouting " Kaia , STOP ! " Waddling Mama actually breaks into a run , a run fast enough that it feels like Mo should drop out onto his little noggin . Alas , my pregnant butt was no match for Kaia . She opened the door before I could get to her , and ran into the front of the sanctuary . She went up to the podium on the small stage and attempted to talk to the entPosted by This is mostly a repost from September , but I wanted to share my pretty Fall decorations . Plus this may inspire me to find some of the items that have " walked off " since I put them out . Last month , I found the cutest chocolate brown plate on clearance at Target . ( it looks lighter due to the flash ) I went to the produce stand that day to find fresh vegetables for a dinner we were having . The produce stand was filled to the brim with gourds and pumpkins . I knew that I would find what I needed to fill that cute plate at Target there . I 'm not crafty , but Kelli inspires me to be a bit more . So I dug around in the closet in the basement , and found plenty of fall items . I created this plate , with 2 of the 4 gourds from the produce stand , and some flowers from an arrangement I received last year . There were still plenty of flowers though , from a bouquet that Kaia had brought home from Grammy 's and started to destroy . So I added them to the old bouquet after chopping with Dana 's cutters from the garage . I even switched the magazines over to early fall mags , and the Garden Moment Getaways that I received from Kelli 's giveaway . There were still more things leftover , though . So why not one more decoration ? I hope you are all enjoying this Fall . This post is part of Show & Tell over at Kelli 's . Check it out , you may find more great ideas ! The year was 1990 . I was 12 years old and had the height of fashion in my closet after back to school shopping . MC Hammer triangle pants and an equally odd shaped , shoulder padded matching shirts in such lovely colors like mustard yellow and a harish green . Yeah it was a great year for fashion . But , I was in love with Motley Crue , Poison , Warrant , and Bon Jovi . My friend and I wanted to be rocker chicks . Not the sexy , high - heeled , skimpy shirt wearing rocker chicks because quite frankly neither one of us could have pulled that off . No , we wanted to look like skid row rocker chicks . On school photo day , which if memory serves me right , I forgot all about having photos . I went to school rockin in my friend 's white , oversized t - shirt with holes and a pair of skin tight stretch denim jeans that zipped up the back and at the ankles . The frizzy hair , high bangs , and metal mouth really completed the look . For more photos you won 't find in the scrapbook , head on over to We Are THAT Family . * Microsoft Clipart * This morning Mo came into the kitchen and said he was " foosty . " Then he decided the remedy . He told me , " I want cawfee . " I answered , " You don 't need any coffee , Mo . " That 's when he put on his gruff voice and said , " I NEED cawfee ! " I can relate , buddy , really I can . Posted by We 're a bunch of rednecks up here in Central Washington , just waiting for our own reality show . There are twin 4 year old hurricanes that are always into something . An 8 year old with a Minecraft obsession and ADHD . And an 11 year old drama queen that has already started in musical theater . Us adults work full time and try to make ends meet . We are loud , we are wild , and often inappropriate . Hey , it 's just another day at the Kihn 's . Copyright 2005 - 2014 . My words are my own and may not be used without my permission . Photographs are my own , unless otherwise noted , and may not be used without permission . You may link to my blog freely .
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At twenty one , Robert Rave had recently had some big changes in his life - he 'd recently graduated from college and had just moved to New York City from a small town in Indiana . But Robert had , evidently , decided that wasn 't enough change for him . So he sat down and wrote a letter to his sensible , Midwestern parents , a long letter telling them that their youngest son was gay . Nervous about their reaction , Robert tried to answer all of the questions they might have in that letter . When it arrived at their house , Jane Rave was , understandably a little upset and called her husband to come to discuss it with him . His reaction ? " At then end of the day , does it really matter ? He 's our son . He was before the letter . Why should it change now ? " Which was , in the end , pretty much the way Jane handled it as well . She had no problem with the idea that her son was gay , she didn 't care what other people thought of him . Her main worry was that Robert would end up alone . Otherwise , she made it her mission to try to educate people about what being gay means , that it 's just a part of her son 's life , it does not define him . Every gay or lesbian person should be so lucky to have parents like Robert 's . The book is a series of stories of how a small - town Midwestern boy learned to live as a " out " gay man in the big city . Robert tells his stories , then Jane gives her thoughts and perspective on what Robert has written . There are chapters about Robert teaching Jane the lingo of the gay culture , Internet dating , therapists , and finding love . These are things the two discussed in their at least weekly telephone conversations as they became closer than ever . Robert 's stories have a very conversational appeal , although I did occasionally feel that they went on a bit longer and into more detail than they needed to . Jane 's responses felt more thought out , the kind of advice you get from your mom when she 's had time to carefully consider how she 's going to discuss something with you . Even given that I sometimes had a hard time believing that these were Jane 's initial thoughts when certain situations presented themselves , this lady is full of good advice . Her son is clearly aware that his mom is one smart , sensible woman who helped him become the person he is by opening up and showing him the person she really is . " The best way to meet people is to simply be authentic , " she said . I didn 't realize the truth of this advice until years later , while sipping cosmos in the basement of an ultra - trendy Manhattan restaurant . She wasn 't impressed by the restaurant , the food , the waitstaff , or the semi - celebrities . She was just here being herself and enjoying a night out with her son . " Robert and Jane clearly have the kind of relationship most parents and children would like to have . I appreciate them sharing their story with a sense of candor and fun . For other opinions on the book , check out the full TLC Book Tour . Follow Robert on Facebook to learn more about his other books . Thanks to TLC Book Tours for including me in this tour ! Thanks to the publisher , I have one copy of Conversations and Cosmopolitans to giveaway . To enter , you must be a U . S . resident ; I 'll draw the winner Sunday , December 4th . Please leave me the best advice your mom ever gave you and a way to get a hold of you . My favorite piece of advice will win ! Bev of My Reader 's Block is hosting Mount TBR Reading Challenge in 2012 , a challenge that seems to be right up my alley since one of the things I 've been trying to do lately is read more of my own books . There are six levels , starting at 12 books and working all of the way up to 100 + books . I understand that the idea of these things is to challenge yourself but I 'm getting tired of failing ! So , even though I 'm confident that I can reach the Mt . Ararat level ( 40 books ) , I 'm going to sign up for the Mt . Vancouver level ( 25 books ) . That still leaves me plenty of room for review books , other challenges and book club selections . I 've had enough stress in my life this year . . . 2012 is all about finding balance and removing as much stress from my life as possible ! In Nebraska you never know what kind of weather to expect for Thanksgiving . There can be snow on the ground a bitter cold . That makes knowing how to dress for Black Friday a bit bothersome ; you need a coat , hat and gloves outside but you certainly don 't want them in the stores . Plus it puts a major damper on two of my family 's annual Thanksgiving traditions . The field goal kicking competition never lasts as long and fewer of us are willing to go along just to be spectators . Also , the turkey trot ( a treasure hunt for the grandchildren ) must be done entirely inside . But sometimes we get lucky and have one of those glorious fall days where there are enough spectators at the field goal competition to actually do the wave ! One of my favorite Thanksgiving memories is of just such a day when my husband and I hosted Thanksgiving . All four of my grandparents were still with us and my grandfathers sat out on my deck playing cards . As much as I love my family in its current form , I never get through Thanksgiving without missing my grandparents ! We got lucky again this year and had a marvelous day which meant that it was nice enough day to also work in a lesson on Australian rules football . We were blessed to have with us this year a dear friend from Australia and her family who gamely participated in all of our American and family customs , including the turkey trot and field goal kicking . Wisely , they did pass on Black Friday shopping ! My uncle sent me this link to an article in the Chicago Tribune about why some of us have such a hard time giving up our physical books . I 'm not necessarily one for the moldy smell ( my allergies aren 't wild about it for one thing ) but I do feel my book in my hands . Although , I must admit that I 'm thinking I may need a Nook Tablet so that I never have to worry about finding myself without a book as I was for two hours the other day when the locks on my work building malfunctioned and I had to sit in my car and advise employees as they arrived to go home until it was fixed . Such a waste of precious reading time ! Happy Thanksgiving to all of my readers and to the soldiers who , like those pictured above , are serving in the armed forces away from their families . * In keeping with my current reading about the U . S . Civil War , I 'm bringing you some Thanksgiving images from that war . Posted by There have been many books written about the Adams . Separate books have been written for each of them ; but , of course , both play prominently in the other 's book . My husband suggested that I might not find anything new in this book , but it was worth a try . And I did find new things - and new ways of interpreting things I already knew . The author sets out to relate the 1200 letters that John and Abigail shared through their lives to the events that were going on in the country and the world . John could be a cantankerous man , but he had the foresight to realize how much history was being created , and he wanted to make sure others knew - perhaps because he was vain and wanted to be remembered most prominently . Thus he made copies and asked Abigail to make copies of all of the letters they wrote . In those days mail often was lost and stolen but the copies still exist . John and Abigail spent incredible amounts of time separated while John went off to forge independence , peace with England , treaties with the Dutch , and later to serve as both Vice President ( a job he hated ) and President of our young country . And through almost all of this , Abigail stayed behind raising the four children and running the farm , making huge decisions including inoculation for small pox . And they both wrote letters - lots and lots of letters . Other Founding Fathers had good marriages and are well - remembered today . But none of them left a legacy as rich as the Adams with all of their letters . And Ellis does a masterful job of weaving the letters and history into delightful reading and understanding . I came away even more fond of this " saucy " lady and her strength . She was a woman well ahead of her time . She was well read , educated , and extremely capable . And how she had to suffer while her husband and young son traveled the Atlantic and lived in Europe with no quick means of communication . She carried and lost a stillborn child alone while John did what he thought of as his duty in Philadelphia . Ellis , a Pulitzer prize - winning author , quotes freely from these letters and has documented his work very thoroughly . At times you want to shake John and tell him to quit thinking of himself and then you see him through Abigail 's eyes and through what he is doing for the country . The book is well crafted , an easy read , and you do not have to know a lot of history to enjoy this little book . I believe you will come away as an Abigail fan after reading letters and notes from their courtship until they both have lived out their lives . When Lillian was a little girl , her father left Lillian and her mother . Lillian 's mother fell into books , spending day and night reading aloud , oblivious to everything around her . Lillian , in search of a way to bring her mother back , turned to food . She knew that if she made the right foods , she could bring her mother back to reality . When she discovered a little food shop operated by Abuelita , she discovered the true magic that the right kinds of food have . Years later , Lillian owns her own restaurant . Once a month , on the nights that the restaurant is closed , Lillian opens her kitchen up for a cooking school , a place where she can show others what she has learned . Tom has come to the lessons through a gift from his sister , a gift she gave him to help him deal with his grief . Antonia , a kitchen designer , is adjusting to life in America as she learns to show her customers how a kitchen can be much more than just a place to cook . Carl and Helen are a long - married couple working to rebuild their relationship . Young Chloe has lost what little confidence she had as her relationship with her boyfriend begins to fail . Claire is looking for something all her own , something that makes her more than just " the mom and wife . " A computer wizard , Ian was sure he couldn 't come to the class without knowing how to cook but learning how created more questions than answers . And Isabelle , who had years ago found an inner strength she had not known she had , is now dealing with the early stages of Alzheimer 's disease . Lillian will teach them all so much more than just how to cook . She 'll teach them not just the essential ingredients in the kitchen but the essential ingredients in life . Along the way , they will bond in a way none of them would ever have thought possible . I recently read Bauermeister 's Joy For Beginners . This one is structured in a similar way ; each of the characters is allowed their own chapter where they may or may not eventually interact with the other characters as Bauermeister explores their backstory . I liked it in Joy . I liked it even better in School where Bauermeister has interspersed the individual stories with the evenings in the school , bringing all of the characters together . Of all of the books I 've read about food the past few weeks , this is the one that most impressed me with it 's ability to make the food it described come alive . Who would ever have thought a description of making white sauce could make me leave a book to go to the kitchen ? Bauermeister has a unique way with words , bringing all of the reader 's senses and memories a part of the book . As with Joy , Bauermeister 's has created a wide range of characters , some of which I connected with much more than others . Lillian 's story touched my heart ; Tom 's story broke it , in no small part because of things that have happened in my life recently . Which , of course , is part of what makes one book affect people in so many different ways . " For Lillian 's mother , every part of a book was magic , but what she delighted in most were the words themselves . Lillian 's mother collected exquisite phrases and complicated rhythms , descriptions that undulated across a page like cake batter pouring into a pan , read aloud to put the words in the air , where she could hear as well as see them . " Yikes - what a week at work ! I got almost nothing done at home all week and almost missed my book club meeting this month . I did make the decision early in the week that I would make time to read even if it meant nothing got done around the house so I managed to finish two books ( you may notice that This Republic of Suffering is , at last , no longer on my sidebar ) . I 'm so looking forward to the coming long weekend . Hope my family doesn 't mind if I lock myself in my room with a pile of books and don 't come out for a couple of days ! I steer clear of talking politics on the internet ( doing so tends to cause problems ! ) but I did want to remark on the fact that a large number of writers have now lent their names to the Global Occupy Movement . So much of what we see of the movement on television might be called a " hippy " element . It 's interesting to me to see so many educated , well - spoken people lending their " voices . " I 'm not sure what the end result will be of the movement but I do know that when Paris Hilton is more popular than Congress , it 's probably time to take a hard look at the way our system operates , no matter what side you 're on ! Ever felt like you were doing something equally as ridiculous ? I 'm thinking that I 'll finally put up my Thanksgiving decorations today even though we 're not having Thanksgiving here . With all I need to do , it seems kind of pointless but I just can 't make myself put up Christmas decorations unless I 've decorated for Thanksgiving first ! This week I 've got my final Fall Feasting review . Trish of Love , Laughter and A Touch of Insanity asked if I was planning on doing Fall Feasting again next year and said she 'd join me if I did . I was thinking of doing it again ( I just have to remember that a year from now ! ) and I 'd love to have people join me . There are still so many foody books left for me to read ! I 've got a guest review from my mom up this week as well . Grateful for that - it 's hard to fill a blog on a regular basis when you hardly have time to read a book , let alone write the review ! This week I 'll continue to read books related to the U . S . Civil War for the War Through The Generations challenge . Since a couple of them will also work for the Historical Fiction Challenge , I may well be able to complete two challenges soon . In The Sweet Porridge , once again a child is proven to be smarter than all of the adults around . A little girl and her mother are poor and hungry until a crone in the forest gives the girl a pot that will make sweet porridge just for asking . The girl and her mother never have to go hungry again . Then one day , when the girl is gone , the mother asks the pot to make porridge . Unfortunately , she doesn 't know how to " turn it off . " It keeps making porridge until all of the village is swimming in the stuff . Only one house remains . Thanks heavens there 's a child in it that thinks to say " stop pot . " Really , this didn 't occur to any of the adults ? ! A number of the tales had obvious religious overtones . In The Ear of Corn , there was once a time , when " God himself still walked the earth , " where corn stalks bore ten times the number of ears of corn and the ears grew the full length of the stalk . Then one day , as a mother and daughter walked through a field , the daughter fell in the mud . The mother used a handful of the corn to clean the dress . God , seeing the woman using his gift in such an ungrateful way , vowed to allow no more corn to grow . Giving into prayers , though , he allowed enough corn to grow on the stalks to feed the birds . Perhaps the most famous of all foody fairy tales is Hansel and Gretel , the story of two hungry children lured deep into the forest in search of food . Finding a house entirely made of candies . Lured in by the woman who lived there , the children soon found themselves held by the woman who planned to fatten them up to eat . Once again , the children outsmarted the adult , throwing her into her own oven . No mean stepmother in this one , though . This time it 's the children 's own mother who tries to rid herself of them . Sadly , Hansel and Gretel weren 't able to push her in the oven as well . But at least they were able to return home with their arms filled with jewels and the family never went hungry again . One can hardly talk about mythology and food without first talking about their apparent favorites : ambrosia and nectar . One can hardly imagine that the ambrosia referenced in mythology has any similarity to the salad pictured above . How in the world did a food that supposedly conferred immortality come to mean a fruit salad ? I 'm all for fruit , chopping it up and throwing different kinds together , and maybe even some kind of dressing . But I can hardly look at it and imagine it to be the food that Hera used to cleanse defilement from her body . Clearly this was not your ordinary ambrosia of grapes , apples and mandarin oranges ! Now nectar is , evidently , something we should all be having more of . The very roots of the word mean overcoming death . I 'm not sure the Greeks had any idea how true that might be . Only recently have the antiseptic and antibacterial properties of honey , which is made from nectar , been discovered . Bacchus , god of wine , was probably your go - to guy if you were looking for the best nectar and in Norse mythology you 'd find Odin and Saga enjoying the drink of immortality in golden cups . There are rarely gods or goddesses that appear in mythology strictly as being in charge of food . More often there is a break down of the various parts of getting food to the table . For instance , the Greeks have Ceres , how is the goddess of the harvest . Ceres had several lessor gods who helped her get the harvest from the fields to those who would ready it for the table ( Lactanus made the crops prosper and Insitor invoked at the sowing of the crops ) . Fornax was in charge of the food once it got to the oven , Molae was in charge of overseeing the grinding of the grain and Pomona was the goddess of fruit trees , gardens and orchards . In Latin mythology , the food was the charge of matrones who always appear in images in groups of three with one almost always holding a bowl of fruit . I suppose it says a great deal about the state of the world that there are far more gods and godesses related to war , love and procreation than there are to food . Apparently , if they got the gods or goddesses to take care of the weather issues , they must have felt they were capable of handling the rest on their own . Perhaps they weren 't so different from us after all . I do not know how some of you do it - how do you work 50 - 60 hours a week and still get anything accomplished outside of work ? I just gave up this week and decided I deserved to spend what free time I had largely reading . The Big Guy has been great for the past month with having dinner on the table when I get home from work and I have managed to stay on top of the laundry . But I seriously need a self - cleaning house ! Details : PEN American Center in conjunction with Westbeth will host a one - of - a - kind literary adventure . Guests are invited to hear from two of New York City 's hippest and most experienced book sellers about the runaway hits , the beloved secrets , and the must - reads of the 2011 fall season ; then wander the halls of Westbeth to attend live readings by PEN World Voices Festival authors in the homes of Westbeth residents . Don 't miss this rare opportunity to explore the oldest and largest artist community located in the heart of bohemian West Village , at 155 Bank Street , repurposed by renowned architect Richard Meier into 383 living and working lofts . Tickets may be purchased at ovationtix . com . Umberto Eco 's The Prague Cemetary - I 'm not sure any number of great reviews could convince me to read this one . Eco 's The Name of the Rose is one of my all - time least favorite books ever . But the story does sound interesting . . . Fall Feasting is wrapping up . I didn 't finish as many books as I wanted to and could certainly continue to read books about food through Thanksgiving but I 'm ready for something different . This week I 'm going to tie Mythology Monday and Fairy Tale Fridays into Fall Feasting and finish the Feast with my review of The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister . I 'm going to spend the rest of the year working on books that I 'd hoped to get to this year for challenges . First up is Robert Hick 's A Separate Country and I 'm also hoping to finish This Republic of Suffering at last . It 's fascinating but I can only absorb so much at a time . Julia McWilliams was over thirty years old when she met and fell in love with Paul Childs . She couldn 't cook , she couldn 't speak French and she wasn 't much of a foodie . Yet two years after the couple married in 1946 , Julia found herself moving to France . She quickly set out to remedy both her language and cooking shortcomings . She roamed the streets of Paris , learning the language , local customs , and , mostly importantly , the food . Paul was a gourmand and Julia , now in love with the food of France herself , enrolled herself in Le Cordon Bleu cooking school so that she could learn to prepare the kind of foods they loved . Although she found herself out of place at the school , she learned quickly and soon became lifelong friends with her teacher . In 1951 Julia met Madame Simone Beck Fischbacher ( Simca as she would forever after be known ) . Simca was every bit as enthusiastic about food as Julia . Simca and Louisette Bertholle had been working on a cookbook . The three began working together , operating a cooking school out of Julia 's kitchen . Soon Louisette and Simca invited Julia to help them with their cookbook , particularly once they decided that the book needed to be written in such a way so that it appealed to the American audience . The rest , as they say , is history . The first cookbook took years to write and have published . Julia was a a perfectionist when it came to making sure that the recipes were correct , that they would produce good results every time and that they were written in such a way as to make them doable for any cook . It was that first book , Mastering The Art Of French Cooking , the caught the attention of a public television producer in Boston and earned Julia her own cooking show . Soon Julia found herself every bit as well known as her cookbook . Julia and Simca would remain friends for the rest of their days and compile a second volume of Mastering . But the two had vastly different methods of choosing and testing recipes for the books and Julia 's fame was a thorn in the side of Simca who , no doubt , felt that she deserved equal attention . Despite the fact that the Childs spent their time in France in a house on land the Fischbachers owned , the relationship was often strained . Paul and Julia spent the last years of their lives in the U . S . where Julia filmed her television shows in her own kitchen , a kitchen that became so famous itself that , when Childs moved to California , it was moved to the Smithsonian . I picked this one up as a companion to Julie and Julia after seeing the movie of the same name . One of the things I loved about the movie was the back and forth between the two women 's lives . I was surprised , then , to find that a lot of what was shown in the movie in the Julia parts did not actually happen . Julia didn 't try her hand at hatmaking before she took cooking lessons , she didn 't stumble across Simca and Louisette in the dressing room at a party , and she and her sister weren 't close . I found myself repeatedly distracted by comparing the book and the movie . Paul and Julia Childs certainly led an interesting life and the book portrays a fascinating look at Europe post - World War II . I can understand why so many people have enjoyed this book but I had some problems with it . Childs seems to have been under the belief that her readers also know French , frequently referring to things only by their French name or including sentences in French . How do I grasp how wonderful your meal was if I have no idea what the name of the dish means ? I sometimes felt the book grew repetitious and often more detailed than was necessary . I can 't say that I liked Julia very much . She was quick to point out the flaws of friends and family alike but never seemed willing to acknowledge her own faults . Still , I admire her tenacity , her passion and her deep love for her husband . Twelve - year - old Chess Morton lives in Rook , Arkansas , a speck of a town in the Black Bayou , with her widowed mother . Despite living deep in the south in the early 1940 's , Chess lives her life largely oblivious to the world around her . Until her grandfather sells a piece of land that Chess inherited from her father to the U . S . Government . Following the bombing of Pearl Harbor , the government relocated thousands of Japanese Americans to camp throughout the U . S . Camp Nine , one of these camps , sprang from the land that had been Chess ' and would serve to change her life . Chess ' mother offers to teach art lessons to the prisoners of Camp Nine , befriending many of the families , particularly the Matsuis . Although reluctant to have anything to do with the camp at first , Chess is soon fast friends with both of the Matsui boys . Her relationship with each of them will enrich and enlighten her but it will be many years later before David Matsui finally teaches Chess exactly what it was that she was protected from as she was growing up in the bayou . This is one of those books that made me glad that I 've always been willing to take a chance with books I 've never heard of ; thanks to TLC Book Tours for always bringing them to my attention . Schiffer 's debut is lovely and charming in a way that is utterly unexpected given the very tough subjects that it tackles . She immerses her reader deep into the Mississippi delta and an area of open racism and brings to life the divide between black and white , rich and poor . Chess brings to mind an older Scout Finch as she comes to terms with the reality of the relationships between herself and those around her . Just as Scout came to view her father as a complete person , Chess comes to see her mother as someone more than just a mother . " She never voiced her frustration about it to me , but I realize she could have picked up and left with me then , gone to another state , and fought him [ Chess ' grandfather ] . But she understood that my place was on the plantation , whatever it might mean to her personal freedom . I wish I 'd understood then all of the choices she made to preserve my interests over her own . " Camp Nine would make a wonderful book club selection with much to discuss and a book to enjoy . For more opinions on this book , check out the full tour at TLC Book Tours . Vivienne Schiffer November , already ? How did that happen while I wasn 't looking ? It 's been such an unusual and busy year for me and my reading time has really taken a hit . Heading into the holiday season , I 'm going to have to accept that it 's not going to get any better the rest of the year . That being said , I 'm tossing in the towel on all challenges . I 'm going to try to read some of the books that I 'd planned for them but I 'm giving myself permission to " fail " without guilt . Now for that promised picture from last month 's Omaha Bookworms meeting . Mary Helen Stefaniak , author of The Cailiffs of Baghdad , GA is third from the left . What fun we had talking with Mary Helen about her books , her family and even baseball . Hmm , now that we 've seen how great it is to have an author in our midst , I wonder how Timothy Schaffert ( also from Omaha ) would feel about joining us to talk about The Little Coffins of Hope ? I 'm finishing Vivienne Schiffer 's Camp Nine for a TLC Book Tour this week . Then I 'm back to reading The Secret Lives of Baba Segi 's Wives by Lola Shoneyin , the Omaha Bookworms December selection . What are you reading this week ? What books did you add to your wish list ? When Kathleen Flinn returned to Seattle from studying at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris , the premier cooking school in the world , she had no idea what she was going to do with that education . Then a chance encounter in the grocery store set her on a mission to teach every day women how to cook for themselves and their families . Thus was born the Kitchen Counter Cooking School . Flinn invited a group of volunteers to weekly cooking lessons , learning everything from how to properly use a knife to how to cook all kinds of meet . Along the way the women learned to hone their taste buds , experiment with spices , and even to make bread . They gained confidence in their skills in the kitchen , learned how easy and fast it can be to make meals from scratch and discovered how much healthier it is to avoid prepackaged foods . Following on the heels of Four Kitchens and Julie and Julia , I was pleasantly surprised by how much this book reinforced the ideas I had learned in those books . Even more surprising for me , was how much this book made me rethink the way I cook . I may not quite packaged foods altogether ( c ' mon , some of them taste so good ! ) , but I 'm certainly thinking about how I can do more from scratch using fewer canned and boxed goods . The book has wonderful recipes but the reason it will stay in my kitchen , where it will be handy , is for all of the helpful hints . I had no idea I should be cooking down my cream in my cream sauces . There were some industry - related revelations ( for me , at least ) in the book as well . Did you know that Hershey 's used to the biggest manufacturer of pasta in the U . S . ? This is one of those books that I won 't be lending , just recommending ! On December 28 , 2009 a bomb blew up on the streets of Karachi , Pakistan as Shia Muslims marched in their annual Ashura procession marking the death long ago of the Prophet Mohammed 's grandson , Hussein . Who placed the bomb ? Who set the fires that destroyed blocks of nearby buildings the same day ? In most cities , this would be a day that would long be remembered for its violence . For Karachi , it has almost become par for the course . Inskeep uses the events of this day to look at the larger problem that is the instability in the country of Pakistan , most visibly in Karachi , which Inskeep calls an " instant city . " He defines " instant city " as " a metropolitan area that 's grown since 1945 at a substantially higher rate than the population of the country in which it belongs . " According to conservative estimates , Karachi has grown at least 30 times larger than it was in 1945 , most of the grow occurring in the weeks following the partition of India into two countries , India and Pakistan . When I was approached about this book , I jumped at the chance primarily because I so enjoy listening to Steve Inskeep on NPR . The fact that it deals with a part of the world that fascinates me and that it fits with my goal of reading more non - fiction this year sealed the deal . Inskeep does not disappoint . By using the one event to tie all of issues that plague Karachi together and by introducing so many people involved that day , Inskeep has developed this work of non - fiction into something resembling a mystery that pulls the reader through the book in search of answers . In his debut novel , Inskeep exhibits the same mix of journalism and storytelling that I appreciate in this radio work . In his skilled hands , Karachi comes alive . Every review is an honest representation of my impression of the book . I am not a professional book reviewer ; rather my reviews are my opinions as a reader primarily reading for pleasure . I will try to alert readers to elements that some readers might find offensive . My preferred genres are literary fiction , women 's fiction , chick lit , mystery / suspense , historical fiction and memoir / biography . If you have a requested date in mind for review , I need to know this in the initial contact . I currently need three months lead time on a book . I will review every book I finish .
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I dropped Papa off at the airport this morning to go to his second conference in about one month 's time . . . and hopefully the last one for at least a little while . He was pretty crabby yesterday because he hates traveling . . . . Yeah , I don 't like it when he travels either ! At least it is another fairly short conference - he 's coming home very late Wednesday night . Trying to stay very frugal is the number one priority ! We are feeling the pinch pretty badly since Papa 's company didn 't reimburse his travel expenses yet - His boss was away on vacation for a week and couldn 't officially " approve " the receipts / documentation until he got back . So , the reimbursement is pushed back until next payday . . . in TWO weeks ! Both girls know that anything they want to do needs to come out of their own money . G1 doesn 't have any major plans this week since her BFF is working a lot of hours . And , G2 has some of her birthday money left . So , I 'm not too worried about it . Remember the family that took G2 to the Outer Banks earlier this summer ? The mom is going to Norway this week and I told them that we would have their daughter over to our house during the day while the dad is at work . Considering how much G2 and her friends go out during the day , I am pretty sure this won 't create much of a change in our " normal " summer routine . On Monday my parents have generously offered to take me to Costco for a stock up ! Of course the timing is NOT random . . . After I mentioned the late reimbursement issue , they offered the trip ! So , later today I will be making my list . = ) On Tuesday , I will be heading to my neurologist . . . alone . Not what Papa and I had wanted but , I decided to keep the appointment after we found out when Papa 's conference days were . Honestly , at this point , nothing is going to be decided on Tuesday anyway . I will need to update my information ( like being off my main MS med for the past six plus months ) and then we KNOW he 's going to schedule an MRI for me before making any sort of medical game plan . So , I will go do this first step on my own . Then , on Friday , I will be taking the girls and two of their friends to Rhode Island to spend the day at the beach . My plan is to spend money on just the parking fee ( $ 15 ) and gas for the trip back and forth . ( I am packing all of our food / drinks . ) This trip is now part of our " annual " summer tradition so I want to make sure it happens . This coming Friday seems the best day available - let 's just hope it doesn 't rain ! In between all of this and running the girls to whatever plans they may make , I have a few things that I would like to take care of around the house . It always seems easier to focus on slightly bigger projects when I am down a family member to take care of . LOL So before Papa gets home on Wednesday night , I would like to : Yup ! You read that right ! I had quite a few cans stacked up in our garage ! Fortunately , no one else was in the bottle return area so I was able to get it done very quickly ! ( I have it down to a science with those machines ! LOL ) Well , July was a very slow reading month for me ! I 'm not sure what is was . . . . the weather ? Running around a lot more ? Whatever it was , I just didn 't get much accomplished in the way of reading and wasn 't able to cross anything off my challenge for this month ! Here 's what I did read though : Separated , small town lawyer , Eric , is standing behind a very strange woman in the grocery store one snowy evening . She looks homeless and is short on money to pay for her order . Eric feels aggravated yet sorry for her and pays the balance . While walking out to his car with his groceries , he sees this woman struggling and limping . . . clearly walking to wherever she came from . Eric offers her a ride and find she lives in a summer cabin in the woods . He feels compelled to help her bring her groceries down the path to her cabin and gets snowed in . Thus begins the story of Eric and " Danielle " - each coming to terms with disappointment , loneliness , and whether giving love a second chance is worth it . I really wanted to like this book ! It wasn 't your typical tawdry romance book ( there was a light sorta sex scene but no " she gripped his rock hard shaft " kinda crap ) . I can 't say exactly why I didn 't enjoy the story completely . Part of it was distraction on my part with everything I was attempting to do besides read ! And , I think partly , the author didn 't balance his details well . He went overkill on the snow trapping them in . Yet , when they finally DID manage to escape the cabin , there wasn 't nearly ENOUGH detail about their hike to safety . Also , I found the personality of Danielle to be a bit over the top and not believable . . . . unless she was mentally ill . In the grand scheme of things , I am going to give it the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe it was just the wrong book for me to read at the time I read it . I 'll give it a 3 out of 5 stars . This is the story of Caroline . . . Suburban , married , stay at home mom to two little girls who lives in a town where all the moms ' favorite pastime is getting gossip and " dirt " on each other . One day Caroline decides to " google " herself ( both married and maiden names ) and opens up a Pandora 's box of events of which she has no recollection . . . including her twin sister 's death and a botched abortion / hysterectomy . Can she find a way to fit the missing pieces of the puzzle back together AND keep her life intact ? I have to be honest and say I almost gave up on this book . The " clues " were too easy to piece together . . . or so I thought ! This book is well worth the quick read and has a very surprising twist at the end ! I have to give this book five out of five stars ! It will be the first ( and last ! ) year both my girls will be in HIGH school together ! That will bring some ease to my driving schedule but I am sure there will be extracurricular activities / clubs to juggle - some of which should be the same if I 'm lucky ! But , it will also change my daily " at home " schedule - so the wheels are creaking and trying to think of different ideas / plans . G2 has been enjoying her drum lessons but isn 't practicing nearly as much as she used to . She would much rather spend time with her friends , read , or write . She has already stated that she " may " not want to continue once high school starts because she wants to take advantage of her time there . Our high school will probably be a much kinder / better place for G2 than it has been for G1 so it 's hard to argue with her logic ! As for G1 , I am far from happy with her vocal teacher . His lack of professionalism has been very apparent lately . The past month and a half there have been three separate occasions that upset us . First , he cancelled a lesson the day of , stating there was an emergency at home . Okay fine . But . . . . the next day he was posting pictures on social media of his " view " from the balcony of his hotel on VACATION ! Second , he bugged G1 to purchase an app ( which ended up being fairly useless ) that cost $ 10 . G1 was resistant to which he told her " Ten dollars shouldn 't be a big deal since your father is working again . " . The third thing happened last evening , he asked to move G1 's lesson up to an earlier time . I said fine and got her there . I waited outside in the car and received a text from her FIFTEEN minutes into what should have been her lesson saying that he hasn 't taken her in yet but is still schmoozing the family of the student who 's lesson was before her into purchasing more studio lessons in acting / dancing / etc . And , the kicker is he didn 't give her the full half hour ! She got a total of 22 minutes of lesson time ! Ultimately , I will leave the decisions up to the girls but boy I am boiling regarding G1 's vocal teacher ! Also , I will continue tackling my grocery budget . I am * hoping * I can save a good amount of money once the girls are back in school ! Summer always seems to put a huge kink in the works regarding groceries . It 's not even like they eat all that much - it 's just what they do eat / like , they run through pretty quickly ! When they are in school five out of the seven days per week , it should give me some breathing room ! I really need to get some sort of housework system in place once September comes as well ! Luckily , the planner that I received for Mother 's Day has some inserts that I was able to turn into a " household " planner - complete with housework pages / charts , budgeting pages , and meal planning pages . I am holding off September to start it but having the planner close by helps keep it in the forefront of my mind . I haven 't sat down to actually write anything ( besides this blog ! ) in a few months now ! And I am missing it tremendously ! I want to get back into writing ( especially the book I have been working on ! ) as soon as the girls are back in school ! I * need * that quiet time during the day to focus ! That has to be a permanent part of my new schedule ! I will be taking Guppy 1 to her vocal lesson tonight . While I love spending time with her , I am not looking forward to the drive . I am not crazy about where the studio got relocated and parking is a nightmare ! But , I have to suck it up and drive this week and next as well since . . . . Papa has been working a TON of hours . . . Yesterday he worked a thirteen hour day and Monday he worked eleven or twelve ! We both knew this was going to happen over the course of the upcoming months ( until the end of October ) . Even though I miss having him here at " normal " hours , I am very thankful that he has this new job that he loves and that the boss truly appreciates him ! So , today is going to be another long day for him and , on top of that , G1 's vocal coach asked to have her come almost two hours earlier than her scheduled lesson time . Later today I will get my menu plan together for the week . I 'm thinking I want to go back to the weekly breakfast / lunch / dinner format since that seems to work best for me - even if I end up switching dinner nights around . I 'll post that tomorrow morning ! We got a very late start this morning ! I didn 't get out of bed until TEN AM ! ( I have the beginnings of a decent cold brewing so the extra rest will hopefully combat it a little ! ) Also , my mom asked me if Papa & I could stop over to help them move a few pieces of furniture in preparation for their new mattress delivery later today . So , instead of our usual nine am farmer 's market trip , we didn 't get there until almost 12 : 30 - and the market closes at 1pm ! Still , we got what we needed so no complaints . Guppy 2 's party went very well ! G2 and friends had a LOT of fun and seemed very happy ( but exhausted by Thursday afternoon ) . We had simply gorgeous weather and the kids were able to take advantage full advantage of it - first at the amusement park and then in the campground - until I wrangled them all into the cabin for the night at 11pm ! Oh , and let me also mention that they didn 't go to sleep that night until 3 : 30am ! ! The next morning , I had to get everyone up at 8 : 30am for breakfast and to vacate the cabin by checkout time at 10 : 30 . ( They opted to go BACK to the amusement park for the day while I went home to unpack what I could , feed the animals , and walk the dog . ) When I picked them up at 3pm that afternoon , they were ALL dragging ! G2 crashed on the couch at 6pm and slept until 7am this morning ! LOL G2 loves experiences over actual gifts . The gifts I did purchase were well researched and bought at the lowest price / discounts / coupons I could find . For me , I did very well - spending just slightly over 100 . 00 on all physical presents . That money purchased : 1 sweatshirt for G1 ( tradition we started long ago where we buy a small gift for the non birthday girl ) and for G2 : all things had her favorite band 's logo - 1 tank top , 1 T - shirt , 1 tank top with a custom cartoon version of the band members , 1 pair of skinny sweatpants , 1 sweatshirt , and a very fluffy personal blanket . I did purchase all of the soda and most of the chips during sales and taking advantage of buy 1 / get 1 free weeks . What we spend on birthdays / holidays is most likely not what others tend to spend . I know this . As the Guppies get older , we are trying to reign it in where we can . But , please remember this is where we are after almost 18 years of birthdays and holidays . Okay . . . All the kids brought $ $ $ but I gave G1 and G2 $ 30 each for lunches / miscellany . Typically all the kids only eat French fries while at the amusement park anyway . Lake Compounce has free water / soda stations but the Guppies also love the slushies ( which you have to buy of course ) * I know this is a lot of money . I know it 's not frugal at all . I know that this is a lot more than people spend during the month on groceries , etc . Also , in no way am I trying to brag about the amount of money I spent either . I am trying to keep an honest account of what I did . Please don 't take this the wrong way or be offended ! Nope , I haven 't dropped off the face of the earth ! I 've just been crazy busy ! ! ! But , in a good way ( mostly ) . Sunday Papa was going to visit his mom ( ended up driving her from the rehab place to a local hospital to have some bacterial cultures done because they thought there was an infection . . . more on that in a few . ) G2 went to see her boyfriend . And . . . . G1 , her BFF , and I went on a little adventure ! I LOOOOOVE abandoned sites but my favorite of all are old abandoned towns . . . the ones that date back from the 1700 / 1800 's where there are just old rock walls and rock house foundations . Most of these places have ghost stories associated with them as well ( which can cause more vandalism and trouble sometimes ) and this place is no exception to the ghost stories . This village was amazing ! Some things were intact so well ! I just have to share some pictures : As for yesterday . . . . well Papa 's mom isn 't doing well again . The cultures the local hospital took grew out way too quickly ( meaning honking infection ! ! ) She had to leave the rehab facility and go back to Yale for treatment . However , the rehab place was having difficulty obtaining an ambulance / chair car so Papa left work at the end of the day , drove 45 minutes to get her , and then drove BACK to work to get her admitted . My poor guy didn 't get home until after 8 : 30pm ! And , he is supposed to have a heavy load of work / overtime this week due to people flying here to work on his project ! I 'm slightly aggravated at Medicare . They wouldn 't approve my mother in law being at a more clinical type of rehab facility ( claimed she didn 't need it ) . Her doctor even fought it with them but they wouldn 't budge ! So here we are with her being transferred back to the ( more expensive for Medicare ) hospital ! If she were in a facility like her doctor wanted , the infection could have been taken care of there and she could have continued her rehab ! Honestly , I am starting to get worried that she isn 't going to be returning to her house ever . She has had such a difficult time and quite a few infections . I worry how much her body can handle , you know ? Today has me getting things ready / finalized for Guppy 2 's birthday party tomorrow ! I * think * I have most of the supplies I need ( besides the cake and ice cream which I pick up tomorrow ! ) . I am working out the particulars with driving and it appears I will be in my car A LOT tomorrow shuttling kids to the amusement park ( 2 trips ) , heading back home to pick up supplies and cake , getting the keys to the cabin and dropping stuff off there , driving to G2 's favorite wing place to pickup a bucket of wings , and then finally going back to the cabin to decorate . Thankfully , Papa will pick up the pizzas after work before he heads up to spend a little time with us ( he 's not staying at the cabin overnight ) . I am especially thankful for the fact that the kids are old enough to roam the amusement park themselves so I can get everything done ! Amazing selection at the farmer 's market this morning ! But , because I have been tallying my grocery receipts in ( semi ) real time , I know that I have spent a TON of money already . Plus , this upcoming week is going to be an especially crazy one so I don 't want anything I buy to go to waste . Maybe next weekend I 'll indulge a little bit more but , for this weekend , here 's what was purchased : I was originally thinking about grabbing a few items from the " meat guy " but decided to use up what 's languishing in the freezer first ! I 'm off to walk the dog and get ready for our trip to Long Island tonight to see a concert . Hope you all have a great Saturday ! Guppy 2 's birthday went pretty well . . . I say only pretty well because her BFF and boyfriend are both away on family vacations so she was a tiny bit crabby about it . All in all though I am fairly sure she had a decent day . I do know she loved what we bought her so all the time I spent searching for the unique gifts was time well spent ! LOL It is shaping up to be an pretty expensive month ! My goal is to keep the damage to under $ 700 for July 's total - which I * think * will be doable . Tomorrow I will most likely be attempting the farmer 's market alone since Papa has to work until midafternoon . ( I say attempting because I hate having to parallel park ! ) There I will be focusing on primarily Smyth Dairy ( completely out of milk / heavy cream / half & half / yogurt ) and a few items from our favorite " happy meat " farmer . On the plus side , our overall soda consumption has gone WAAAAY down ! My Guppy 2 has even completely given it up ! And , I am down to maybe one or two sodas max per day ! I 'll be running her and a couple of friends over to Lake Compounce for the day and then she will have dinner with us ( Papa , G1 , and me ) afterwards . I told her we would take her out to eat and so far she thinks she wants to go to Fridays . . . . This works for me since in years past she has chosen hibachi ( a far more expensive option ) . We purchased a small custom flavored ice cream cake for her from our local independent ice cream parlor which we will have after dinner . We are including her birthday party ( the overnight stay at the Lake Compounce cabin next week ) as part of her gift because the cost does add up when you factor in the cost of the cabin and having to feed ten kids dinner / snacks / breakfast the following morning . But , she loves the experience and asked for it again this year . Other than that , we have purchased a few very well thought out and unique gifts which I am ( fairly ) sure she will love . Update : Due to the potential soggy weather , G2 isn 't sure what she wants to do today . They may still go to the amusement park . . . . . or they make just hang out here and watch movies . Either way I will still be able to get a few errands done ! = ) Last night I had to melt some butter to mix with the Ritz crackers I had for G1 's veggie casserole . So , I popped it in a ceramic mug and put in the microwave . . . . Not two seconds later I heard a weird buzzing - like the kind when you accidentally put a flake of metal or foil into it . I turned to see the microwave sparking and the lights inside blinking ! I unplugged the thing and checked the inside to make sure there wasn 't anything in there that shouldn 't be . I checked behind the microwave too . All seemed okay enough . But , it did the same thing when I plugged it in and turned it back on ! So , yup ! It 's toast ! Truthfully ? I don 't care all that much . Yeah it will be harder to heat up leftovers and I 'll have to give the rest of my Costco microwave popcorn to someone but other than that ? I 'm not all that upset . The space on my kitchen counters is prime real estate . And this microwave ( although on the small side ) was taking up room that I could use for other things - like food prep ! For awhile now Papa and I were trying to figure out what to do with it . . . . build a shelf under a cabinet , buy a bakers rack ? Now I don 't need to worry about it . My family is freaked out about this though . When I told Papa ( still at his conference in NYC ) he asked if I was sure . Ummmmm , yeah since the last time I checked sparks flying out of a microwave isn 't a good sign . The Guppies want to know how we could possibly live without it . I reminded them that the oven is perfectly functional . Remember that music festival we went to on Saturday ? Well , there are many booths set up for charitable organizations . I ( mostly ) love this aspect of the festival because these booths also get the word out to people who may need help with depression , suicide , abuse , etc . The one booth that really gets me though is the PETA one . Not only is there a booth , there is also a " viewing station " where concert goers get paid a buck to watch a four minute video of animals being slaughtered ( no thank you ) , and PETA people walking around the venue passing out brochures with horrible pictures of animals being tortured to try to convert people to becoming vegan . Now , let me just say that I am completely and totally against treating animals poorly and I believe in as humane of slaughtering as possible . I abhor feed lots , grinding of baby chicks , etc . Also , when financially possible , I try to buy as much " happy meat " ( i . e . small farms who treat their animals ethically ) as I can . Back to the music festival . . . . . Guppy 1 was handed a brochure . . . . sigh . Here 's the thing though . . . the front cover is covered with picutres of band members with quotes about being vegan . But , when you open the brochure . . . . BAM ! Pictures of animals being tortured - - this year 's brochure included pictures from China 's semi annual dog meat festival . Just lovely . So now I am scrambling to come up with vegetarian dinners and throwing my menu plan out the window . . . for now . I should have known it would happen again since she gets lured in every year . Eventually , I am able to get her to eat meat again ( which she desperately needs due to health issues ) in moderation . But for right now , it 's a no go . I guess I am just thankful right now that we don 't eat meat everyday on a normal basis anyway . Finally got my receipts together to do this ! I hate when I get behind like this because then the tracking feels tedious . But , I am pushing through ! LOL So , not to state the obvious or anything ( LOL ) , I have been shopping entirely too much / too often ! I have to find a way to bring my shopping down to grocery stores once per week maximum and then the farmer 's market on Saturdays . I definitely don 't want to continue to spend at the rate I am this month because , if I did , I would end up well over $ 600 ! ! ! My girls LOVED the show Courage the Cowardly Dog on Cartoon Network ! For those who aren 't familiar , the lady in the picture is Muriel , the kindly old lady Courage adores . In one episode , Muriel goes into full blown panic and handles the stress around her by going into cooking mode . The scene ends with her collapsing face first into some of the food she just finished making . I tend to think about that scene every time Papa goes away because I tend to get all my own nervous energy out in my kitchen too ! Today was no different ! Haha ! Yesterday we spent the day in Long Island at an all day music festival . We attend at least once a year during this festival 's tour and don 't mind driving to NY because 1 . the show is at Jones Beach and 2 . the fellow concert goers have consistently been nicer than the ones that show up to Connecticut . Papa and I completely luck out since we get in for free as long as we bring kids under the age of 18 - I guess we are in the minority of the parents who bring their kids but actually WANT to be there ! LOL This was a planned summer expense and came in at a little under $ 300 total for the day for six of us ( each guppy brings a friend ) ! And , of that $ 200 was for the tickets ! It helped tremendously that it wasn 't as hot as usual because , at $ 5 per water / soda and not being able to bring in more than one water bottle per person , it can get quite pricey . This morning was spent getting Papa ready for his trip to NYC until Wednesday . After being with him for a total of 25 years , you would think it would be easy to say goodbye for a few days . It wasn 't . I hated dropping him off at the train station earlier this afternoon . Even though he is still relatively close in proximity , NYC makes me nervous with all that has happened across the country as of late . Wednesday evening can 't come quickly enough ! I am hoping to be productive over the next few days and am compiling a list of things I want to accomplish ! If I can get even half of it done I 'll be happy ! However . . . . The rest of today will be about recovering from yesterday ( even the Guppies are still tired ! ) , trying to get some laundry done , and some prepping / baking for the beginning of the week . The Guppies are seriously whining about there " not being food " in the house , which of course there is . . . . just not as much of the convenient " grab & go " variety . My hope is to make it until Thursday before hitting the grocery store . Speaking of groceries , I still have to get my totals updated here on the blog . Onto my big list it goes ! Hopefully that will be accomplished tomorrow morning . My summer schedule has been completely wonky ! I have been staying up later / getting up earlier and just haven 't been around the house very much . ( It seems like I live in my car lately with all the chauffeuring I have been doing ! ) Contrary to what you may think , we don 't have any credit cards anymore . About five years ago , that was a different story . We had one with an APR of 5 . 9 % that I had racked up to a little over 32K ! I say " I " not " we " because , truthfully , it was me that did it ! Yes , most of it was stuff for the house / guppies / etc and nothing was for extravagant purchases . . . but I had " nickeled and dimed " us into a huge hole . The turning point came when I received notice that , ALL users of this particular bank / card were going to have an increase in APR . . to a revolving fluctuating number ! The notice assured me that I wasn 't being penalized for anything ( I was always on time in payments ) but it was an across the board move . The only way I could keep my low APR was to close my account . I was beginning to read Dave Ramsey at the time and did just that ! While I haven 't made the progress I would have liked , I have cut the balance on this card by a little over half . Slow but steady progress which I hope to amp up now that Papa is working again . Papa has a conference in New York next week . When his boss told him that he wanted Papa to go , Papa had to tell him we don 't own credit cards . His boss wanted him to go so badly he told Papa he would charge it to his own card and get reimbursed by the hospital if necessary ! ( Thankfully , Papa was able to have a P . O . cut for the conference charge - 2 . 5K for just the three days without hotel ! ) Plus , there is another conference in San Diego that Papa wants to attend but hasn 't mentioned it to the boss yet because of our monetary situation . But , now he can . While I am not crazy about the overall community in my town , there is one very big exception : The Fourth of July ! A local farm has a very large picnic for its employees but then puts on a large fireworks display that the community is invited to watch . There are many industrial / office buildings in the area that allow people to park in their lots and picnic / view the fireworks from their lawns . Another large French baguette will be cut in half and turned into two different types of vegetarian style sandwiches ( G1 's BFF is definitely coming and is vegetarian ) . One half will be tomato , mozzarella , fresh basil , and a drizzle of balsamic . The other will be roasted summer squash , mushroom , onions , and cheese . Hi ! I 'm TrayceeBee ! I 'm in my mid fourties , married for twenty two years , and have two teenage daughters . I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis approximately eightyears ago . I 'm a SAHM trying to pursue a career in writing while juggling the ups and downs that life throws my way ! Join me in my journey in saving money , raising a family , and trying to make dreams become reality !
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I dropped Papa off at the airport this morning to go to his second conference in about one month 's time . . . and hopefully the last one for at least a little while . He was pretty crabby yesterday because he hates traveling . . . . Yeah , I don 't like it when he travels either ! At least it is another fairly short conference - he 's coming home very late Wednesday night . Trying to stay very frugal is the number one priority ! We are feeling the pinch pretty badly since Papa 's company didn 't reimburse his travel expenses yet - His boss was away on vacation for a week and couldn 't officially " approve " the receipts / documentation until he got back . So , the reimbursement is pushed back until next payday . . . in TWO weeks ! Both girls know that anything they want to do needs to come out of their own money . G1 doesn 't have any major plans this week since her BFF is working a lot of hours . And , G2 has some of her birthday money left . So , I 'm not too worried about it . Remember the family that took G2 to the Outer Banks earlier this summer ? The mom is going to Norway this week and I told them that we would have their daughter over to our house during the day while the dad is at work . Considering how much G2 and her friends go out during the day , I am pretty sure this won 't create much of a change in our " normal " summer routine . On Monday my parents have generously offered to take me to Costco for a stock up ! Of course the timing is NOT random . . . After I mentioned the late reimbursement issue , they offered the trip ! So , later today I will be making my list . = ) On Tuesday , I will be heading to my neurologist . . . alone . Not what Papa and I had wanted but , I decided to keep the appointment after we found out when Papa 's conference days were . Honestly , at this point , nothing is going to be decided on Tuesday anyway . I will need to update my information ( like being off my main MS med for the past six plus months ) and then we KNOW he 's going to schedule an MRI for me before making any sort of medical game plan . So , I will go do this first step on my own . Then , on Friday , I will be taking the girls and two of their friends to Rhode Island to spend the day at the beach . My plan is to spend money on just the parking fee ( $ 15 ) and gas for the trip back and forth . ( I am packing all of our food / drinks . ) This trip is now part of our " annual " summer tradition so I want to make sure it happens . This coming Friday seems the best day available - let 's just hope it doesn 't rain ! In between all of this and running the girls to whatever plans they may make , I have a few things that I would like to take care of around the house . It always seems easier to focus on slightly bigger projects when I am down a family member to take care of . LOL So before Papa gets home on Wednesday night , I would like to : Yup ! You read that right ! I had quite a few cans stacked up in our garage ! Fortunately , no one else was in the bottle return area so I was able to get it done very quickly ! ( I have it down to a science with those machines ! LOL ) Well , July was a very slow reading month for me ! I 'm not sure what is was . . . . the weather ? Running around a lot more ? Whatever it was , I just didn 't get much accomplished in the way of reading and wasn 't able to cross anything off my challenge for this month ! Here 's what I did read though : Separated , small town lawyer , Eric , is standing behind a very strange woman in the grocery store one snowy evening . She looks homeless and is short on money to pay for her order . Eric feels aggravated yet sorry for her and pays the balance . While walking out to his car with his groceries , he sees this woman struggling and limping . . . clearly walking to wherever she came from . Eric offers her a ride and find she lives in a summer cabin in the woods . He feels compelled to help her bring her groceries down the path to her cabin and gets snowed in . Thus begins the story of Eric and " Danielle " - each coming to terms with disappointment , loneliness , and whether giving love a second chance is worth it . I really wanted to like this book ! It wasn 't your typical tawdry romance book ( there was a light sorta sex scene but no " she gripped his rock hard shaft " kinda crap ) . I can 't say exactly why I didn 't enjoy the story completely . Part of it was distraction on my part with everything I was attempting to do besides read ! And , I think partly , the author didn 't balance his details well . He went overkill on the snow trapping them in . Yet , when they finally DID manage to escape the cabin , there wasn 't nearly ENOUGH detail about their hike to safety . Also , I found the personality of Danielle to be a bit over the top and not believable . . . . unless she was mentally ill . In the grand scheme of things , I am going to give it the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe it was just the wrong book for me to read at the time I read it . I 'll give it a 3 out of 5 stars . This is the story of Caroline . . . Suburban , married , stay at home mom to two little girls who lives in a town where all the moms ' favorite pastime is getting gossip and " dirt " on each other . One day Caroline decides to " google " herself ( both married and maiden names ) and opens up a Pandora 's box of events of which she has no recollection . . . including her twin sister 's death and a botched abortion / hysterectomy . Can she find a way to fit the missing pieces of the puzzle back together AND keep her life intact ? I have to be honest and say I almost gave up on this book . The " clues " were too easy to piece together . . . or so I thought ! This book is well worth the quick read and has a very surprising twist at the end ! I have to give this book five out of five stars ! It will be the first ( and last ! ) year both my girls will be in HIGH school together ! That will bring some ease to my driving schedule but I am sure there will be extracurricular activities / clubs to juggle - some of which should be the same if I 'm lucky ! But , it will also change my daily " at home " schedule - so the wheels are creaking and trying to think of different ideas / plans . G2 has been enjoying her drum lessons but isn 't practicing nearly as much as she used to . She would much rather spend time with her friends , read , or write . She has already stated that she " may " not want to continue once high school starts because she wants to take advantage of her time there . Our high school will probably be a much kinder / better place for G2 than it has been for G1 so it 's hard to argue with her logic ! As for G1 , I am far from happy with her vocal teacher . His lack of professionalism has been very apparent lately . The past month and a half there have been three separate occasions that upset us . First , he cancelled a lesson the day of , stating there was an emergency at home . Okay fine . But . . . . the next day he was posting pictures on social media of his " view " from the balcony of his hotel on VACATION ! Second , he bugged G1 to purchase an app ( which ended up being fairly useless ) that cost $ 10 . G1 was resistant to which he told her " Ten dollars shouldn 't be a big deal since your father is working again . " . The third thing happened last evening , he asked to move G1 's lesson up to an earlier time . I said fine and got her there . I waited outside in the car and received a text from her FIFTEEN minutes into what should have been her lesson saying that he hasn 't taken her in yet but is still schmoozing the family of the student who 's lesson was before her into purchasing more studio lessons in acting / dancing / etc . And , the kicker is he didn 't give her the full half hour ! She got a total of 22 minutes of lesson time ! Ultimately , I will leave the decisions up to the girls but boy I am boiling regarding G1 's vocal teacher ! Also , I will continue tackling my grocery budget . I am * hoping * I can save a good amount of money once the girls are back in school ! Summer always seems to put a huge kink in the works regarding groceries . It 's not even like they eat all that much - it 's just what they do eat / like , they run through pretty quickly ! When they are in school five out of the seven days per week , it should give me some breathing room ! I really need to get some sort of housework system in place once September comes as well ! Luckily , the planner that I received for Mother 's Day has some inserts that I was able to turn into a " household " planner - complete with housework pages / charts , budgeting pages , and meal planning pages . I am holding off September to start it but having the planner close by helps keep it in the forefront of my mind . I haven 't sat down to actually write anything ( besides this blog ! ) in a few months now ! And I am missing it tremendously ! I want to get back into writing ( especially the book I have been working on ! ) as soon as the girls are back in school ! I * need * that quiet time during the day to focus ! That has to be a permanent part of my new schedule ! I will be taking Guppy 1 to her vocal lesson tonight . While I love spending time with her , I am not looking forward to the drive . I am not crazy about where the studio got relocated and parking is a nightmare ! But , I have to suck it up and drive this week and next as well since . . . . Papa has been working a TON of hours . . . Yesterday he worked a thirteen hour day and Monday he worked eleven or twelve ! We both knew this was going to happen over the course of the upcoming months ( until the end of October ) . Even though I miss having him here at " normal " hours , I am very thankful that he has this new job that he loves and that the boss truly appreciates him ! So , today is going to be another long day for him and , on top of that , G1 's vocal coach asked to have her come almost two hours earlier than her scheduled lesson time . Later today I will get my menu plan together for the week . I 'm thinking I want to go back to the weekly breakfast / lunch / dinner format since that seems to work best for me - even if I end up switching dinner nights around . I 'll post that tomorrow morning ! We got a very late start this morning ! I didn 't get out of bed until TEN AM ! ( I have the beginnings of a decent cold brewing so the extra rest will hopefully combat it a little ! ) Also , my mom asked me if Papa & I could stop over to help them move a few pieces of furniture in preparation for their new mattress delivery later today . So , instead of our usual nine am farmer 's market trip , we didn 't get there until almost 12 : 30 - and the market closes at 1pm ! Still , we got what we needed so no complaints . Guppy 2 's party went very well ! G2 and friends had a LOT of fun and seemed very happy ( but exhausted by Thursday afternoon ) . We had simply gorgeous weather and the kids were able to take advantage full advantage of it - first at the amusement park and then in the campground - until I wrangled them all into the cabin for the night at 11pm ! Oh , and let me also mention that they didn 't go to sleep that night until 3 : 30am ! ! The next morning , I had to get everyone up at 8 : 30am for breakfast and to vacate the cabin by checkout time at 10 : 30 . ( They opted to go BACK to the amusement park for the day while I went home to unpack what I could , feed the animals , and walk the dog . ) When I picked them up at 3pm that afternoon , they were ALL dragging ! G2 crashed on the couch at 6pm and slept until 7am this morning ! LOL G2 loves experiences over actual gifts . The gifts I did purchase were well researched and bought at the lowest price / discounts / coupons I could find . For me , I did very well - spending just slightly over 100 . 00 on all physical presents . That money purchased : 1 sweatshirt for G1 ( tradition we started long ago where we buy a small gift for the non birthday girl ) and for G2 : all things had her favorite band 's logo - 1 tank top , 1 T - shirt , 1 tank top with a custom cartoon version of the band members , 1 pair of skinny sweatpants , 1 sweatshirt , and a very fluffy personal blanket . I did purchase all of the soda and most of the chips during sales and taking advantage of buy 1 / get 1 free weeks . What we spend on birthdays / holidays is most likely not what others tend to spend . I know this . As the Guppies get older , we are trying to reign it in where we can . But , please remember this is where we are after almost 18 years of birthdays and holidays . Okay . . . All the kids brought $ $ $ but I gave G1 and G2 $ 30 each for lunches / miscellany . Typically all the kids only eat French fries while at the amusement park anyway . Lake Compounce has free water / soda stations but the Guppies also love the slushies ( which you have to buy of course ) * I know this is a lot of money . I know it 's not frugal at all . I know that this is a lot more than people spend during the month on groceries , etc . Also , in no way am I trying to brag about the amount of money I spent either . I am trying to keep an honest account of what I did . Please don 't take this the wrong way or be offended ! Nope , I haven 't dropped off the face of the earth ! I 've just been crazy busy ! ! ! But , in a good way ( mostly ) . Sunday Papa was going to visit his mom ( ended up driving her from the rehab place to a local hospital to have some bacterial cultures done because they thought there was an infection . . . more on that in a few . ) G2 went to see her boyfriend . And . . . . G1 , her BFF , and I went on a little adventure ! I LOOOOOVE abandoned sites but my favorite of all are old abandoned towns . . . the ones that date back from the 1700 / 1800 's where there are just old rock walls and rock house foundations . Most of these places have ghost stories associated with them as well ( which can cause more vandalism and trouble sometimes ) and this place is no exception to the ghost stories . This village was amazing ! Some things were intact so well ! I just have to share some pictures : As for yesterday . . . . well Papa 's mom isn 't doing well again . The cultures the local hospital took grew out way too quickly ( meaning honking infection ! ! ) She had to leave the rehab facility and go back to Yale for treatment . However , the rehab place was having difficulty obtaining an ambulance / chair car so Papa left work at the end of the day , drove 45 minutes to get her , and then drove BACK to work to get her admitted . My poor guy didn 't get home until after 8 : 30pm ! And , he is supposed to have a heavy load of work / overtime this week due to people flying here to work on his project ! I 'm slightly aggravated at Medicare . They wouldn 't approve my mother in law being at a more clinical type of rehab facility ( claimed she didn 't need it ) . Her doctor even fought it with them but they wouldn 't budge ! So here we are with her being transferred back to the ( more expensive for Medicare ) hospital ! If she were in a facility like her doctor wanted , the infection could have been taken care of there and she could have continued her rehab ! Honestly , I am starting to get worried that she isn 't going to be returning to her house ever . She has had such a difficult time and quite a few infections . I worry how much her body can handle , you know ? Today has me getting things ready / finalized for Guppy 2 's birthday party tomorrow ! I * think * I have most of the supplies I need ( besides the cake and ice cream which I pick up tomorrow ! ) . I am working out the particulars with driving and it appears I will be in my car A LOT tomorrow shuttling kids to the amusement park ( 2 trips ) , heading back home to pick up supplies and cake , getting the keys to the cabin and dropping stuff off there , driving to G2 's favorite wing place to pickup a bucket of wings , and then finally going back to the cabin to decorate . Thankfully , Papa will pick up the pizzas after work before he heads up to spend a little time with us ( he 's not staying at the cabin overnight ) . I am especially thankful for the fact that the kids are old enough to roam the amusement park themselves so I can get everything done ! Amazing selection at the farmer 's market this morning ! But , because I have been tallying my grocery receipts in ( semi ) real time , I know that I have spent a TON of money already . Plus , this upcoming week is going to be an especially crazy one so I don 't want anything I buy to go to waste . Maybe next weekend I 'll indulge a little bit more but , for this weekend , here 's what was purchased : I was originally thinking about grabbing a few items from the " meat guy " but decided to use up what 's languishing in the freezer first ! I 'm off to walk the dog and get ready for our trip to Long Island tonight to see a concert . Hope you all have a great Saturday ! Guppy 2 's birthday went pretty well . . . I say only pretty well because her BFF and boyfriend are both away on family vacations so she was a tiny bit crabby about it . All in all though I am fairly sure she had a decent day . I do know she loved what we bought her so all the time I spent searching for the unique gifts was time well spent ! LOL It is shaping up to be an pretty expensive month ! My goal is to keep the damage to under $ 700 for July 's total - which I * think * will be doable . Tomorrow I will most likely be attempting the farmer 's market alone since Papa has to work until midafternoon . ( I say attempting because I hate having to parallel park ! ) There I will be focusing on primarily Smyth Dairy ( completely out of milk / heavy cream / half & half / yogurt ) and a few items from our favorite " happy meat " farmer . On the plus side , our overall soda consumption has gone WAAAAY down ! My Guppy 2 has even completely given it up ! And , I am down to maybe one or two sodas max per day ! I 'll be running her and a couple of friends over to Lake Compounce for the day and then she will have dinner with us ( Papa , G1 , and me ) afterwards . I told her we would take her out to eat and so far she thinks she wants to go to Fridays . . . . This works for me since in years past she has chosen hibachi ( a far more expensive option ) . We purchased a small custom flavored ice cream cake for her from our local independent ice cream parlor which we will have after dinner . We are including her birthday party ( the overnight stay at the Lake Compounce cabin next week ) as part of her gift because the cost does add up when you factor in the cost of the cabin and having to feed ten kids dinner / snacks / breakfast the following morning . But , she loves the experience and asked for it again this year . Other than that , we have purchased a few very well thought out and unique gifts which I am ( fairly ) sure she will love . Update : Due to the potential soggy weather , G2 isn 't sure what she wants to do today . They may still go to the amusement park . . . . . or they make just hang out here and watch movies . Either way I will still be able to get a few errands done ! = ) Last night I had to melt some butter to mix with the Ritz crackers I had for G1 's veggie casserole . So , I popped it in a ceramic mug and put in the microwave . . . . Not two seconds later I heard a weird buzzing - like the kind when you accidentally put a flake of metal or foil into it . I turned to see the microwave sparking and the lights inside blinking ! I unplugged the thing and checked the inside to make sure there wasn 't anything in there that shouldn 't be . I checked behind the microwave too . All seemed okay enough . But , it did the same thing when I plugged it in and turned it back on ! So , yup ! It 's toast ! Truthfully ? I don 't care all that much . Yeah it will be harder to heat up leftovers and I 'll have to give the rest of my Costco microwave popcorn to someone but other than that ? I 'm not all that upset . The space on my kitchen counters is prime real estate . And this microwave ( although on the small side ) was taking up room that I could use for other things - like food prep ! For awhile now Papa and I were trying to figure out what to do with it . . . . build a shelf under a cabinet , buy a bakers rack ? Now I don 't need to worry about it . My family is freaked out about this though . When I told Papa ( still at his conference in NYC ) he asked if I was sure . Ummmmm , yeah since the last time I checked sparks flying out of a microwave isn 't a good sign . The Guppies want to know how we could possibly live without it . I reminded them that the oven is perfectly functional . Remember that music festival we went to on Saturday ? Well , there are many booths set up for charitable organizations . I ( mostly ) love this aspect of the festival because these booths also get the word out to people who may need help with depression , suicide , abuse , etc . The one booth that really gets me though is the PETA one . Not only is there a booth , there is also a " viewing station " where concert goers get paid a buck to watch a four minute video of animals being slaughtered ( no thank you ) , and PETA people walking around the venue passing out brochures with horrible pictures of animals being tortured to try to convert people to becoming vegan . Now , let me just say that I am completely and totally against treating animals poorly and I believe in as humane of slaughtering as possible . I abhor feed lots , grinding of baby chicks , etc . Also , when financially possible , I try to buy as much " happy meat " ( i . e . small farms who treat their animals ethically ) as I can . Back to the music festival . . . . . Guppy 1 was handed a brochure . . . . sigh . Here 's the thing though . . . the front cover is covered with picutres of band members with quotes about being vegan . But , when you open the brochure . . . . BAM ! Pictures of animals being tortured - - this year 's brochure included pictures from China 's semi annual dog meat festival . Just lovely . So now I am scrambling to come up with vegetarian dinners and throwing my menu plan out the window . . . for now . I should have known it would happen again since she gets lured in every year . Eventually , I am able to get her to eat meat again ( which she desperately needs due to health issues ) in moderation . But for right now , it 's a no go . I guess I am just thankful right now that we don 't eat meat everyday on a normal basis anyway . Finally got my receipts together to do this ! I hate when I get behind like this because then the tracking feels tedious . But , I am pushing through ! LOL So , not to state the obvious or anything ( LOL ) , I have been shopping entirely too much / too often ! I have to find a way to bring my shopping down to grocery stores once per week maximum and then the farmer 's market on Saturdays . I definitely don 't want to continue to spend at the rate I am this month because , if I did , I would end up well over $ 600 ! ! ! My girls LOVED the show Courage the Cowardly Dog on Cartoon Network ! For those who aren 't familiar , the lady in the picture is Muriel , the kindly old lady Courage adores . In one episode , Muriel goes into full blown panic and handles the stress around her by going into cooking mode . The scene ends with her collapsing face first into some of the food she just finished making . I tend to think about that scene every time Papa goes away because I tend to get all my own nervous energy out in my kitchen too ! Today was no different ! Haha ! Yesterday we spent the day in Long Island at an all day music festival . We attend at least once a year during this festival 's tour and don 't mind driving to NY because 1 . the show is at Jones Beach and 2 . the fellow concert goers have consistently been nicer than the ones that show up to Connecticut . Papa and I completely luck out since we get in for free as long as we bring kids under the age of 18 - I guess we are in the minority of the parents who bring their kids but actually WANT to be there ! LOL This was a planned summer expense and came in at a little under $ 300 total for the day for six of us ( each guppy brings a friend ) ! And , of that $ 200 was for the tickets ! It helped tremendously that it wasn 't as hot as usual because , at $ 5 per water / soda and not being able to bring in more than one water bottle per person , it can get quite pricey . This morning was spent getting Papa ready for his trip to NYC until Wednesday . After being with him for a total of 25 years , you would think it would be easy to say goodbye for a few days . It wasn 't . I hated dropping him off at the train station earlier this afternoon . Even though he is still relatively close in proximity , NYC makes me nervous with all that has happened across the country as of late . Wednesday evening can 't come quickly enough ! I am hoping to be productive over the next few days and am compiling a list of things I want to accomplish ! If I can get even half of it done I 'll be happy ! However . . . . The rest of today will be about recovering from yesterday ( even the Guppies are still tired ! ) , trying to get some laundry done , and some prepping / baking for the beginning of the week . The Guppies are seriously whining about there " not being food " in the house , which of course there is . . . . just not as much of the convenient " grab & go " variety . My hope is to make it until Thursday before hitting the grocery store . Speaking of groceries , I still have to get my totals updated here on the blog . Onto my big list it goes ! Hopefully that will be accomplished tomorrow morning . My summer schedule has been completely wonky ! I have been staying up later / getting up earlier and just haven 't been around the house very much . ( It seems like I live in my car lately with all the chauffeuring I have been doing ! ) Contrary to what you may think , we don 't have any credit cards anymore . About five years ago , that was a different story . We had one with an APR of 5 . 9 % that I had racked up to a little over 32K ! I say " I " not " we " because , truthfully , it was me that did it ! Yes , most of it was stuff for the house / guppies / etc and nothing was for extravagant purchases . . . but I had " nickeled and dimed " us into a huge hole . The turning point came when I received notice that , ALL users of this particular bank / card were going to have an increase in APR . . to a revolving fluctuating number ! The notice assured me that I wasn 't being penalized for anything ( I was always on time in payments ) but it was an across the board move . The only way I could keep my low APR was to close my account . I was beginning to read Dave Ramsey at the time and did just that ! While I haven 't made the progress I would have liked , I have cut the balance on this card by a little over half . Slow but steady progress which I hope to amp up now that Papa is working again . Papa has a conference in New York next week . When his boss told him that he wanted Papa to go , Papa had to tell him we don 't own credit cards . His boss wanted him to go so badly he told Papa he would charge it to his own card and get reimbursed by the hospital if necessary ! ( Thankfully , Papa was able to have a P . O . cut for the conference charge - 2 . 5K for just the three days without hotel ! ) Plus , there is another conference in San Diego that Papa wants to attend but hasn 't mentioned it to the boss yet because of our monetary situation . But , now he can . While I am not crazy about the overall community in my town , there is one very big exception : The Fourth of July ! A local farm has a very large picnic for its employees but then puts on a large fireworks display that the community is invited to watch . There are many industrial / office buildings in the area that allow people to park in their lots and picnic / view the fireworks from their lawns . Another large French baguette will be cut in half and turned into two different types of vegetarian style sandwiches ( G1 's BFF is definitely coming and is vegetarian ) . One half will be tomato , mozzarella , fresh basil , and a drizzle of balsamic . The other will be roasted summer squash , mushroom , onions , and cheese . Hi ! I 'm TrayceeBee ! I 'm in my mid fourties , married for twenty two years , and have two teenage daughters . I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis approximately eightyears ago . I 'm a SAHM trying to pursue a career in writing while juggling the ups and downs that life throws my way ! Join me in my journey in saving money , raising a family , and trying to make dreams become reality !
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This was written for a " job " on Amazon Mechanical Turk . . . . . Mrs . Candle 's , was a much respected member of the local church whose life was snuffed out yesterday after a strong wind made its way into the sanctuary . Known for her elegance , she has graced the weddings of generations of lovers as she played a crucial part in the ceremony that united husband and wife . A pillar of the community , Mrs . Candle glowed as she worked , never tiring of shedding light in the darkness . A beacon of hope in the midst of trials , a shining light for all to see , her luminosity preceded her everywhere she went . Preceded in death by her first husband , Mr . Lighter , she leaves behind four votives and seven tealights . The candlelight service will be held at Radiance Gardens , after which Mrs . Candle 's remains will be melted and recycled according to her last wishes . This will be a bittersweet posting for me and a complete change is in store for this blog . After eighteen years ( five homeschooling and thirteen in the classroom ) I will not be going " back to school " . As a kid I loved school , especially the beginning of the year . There was the trip downtown to Sears to get a few new clothes , the excitement of meeting a new teacher and seeing friends again , the school smell that seems to be universal . When it was time for my kids to go , I loved picking out lunchboxes , buying them a few new clothes at the mall , and taking the first - day - of - school pictures in front of the house . And there was still that smell when I entered their classrooms . When we homeschooled I enjoyed buying curriculum as well as making my own . I loved the planning and the teaching and the days when we read Little House on the Prairie . I was thrilled when I taught my youngest to read at five and saw her begin to devour books , just like her siblings . In 1996 , I took my first paid job teaching in a Christian school and then began the final leg of my education in January of 1997 . Finally , in 1998 , at age 39 , I graduated with a BS in Elementary Education . I have been teaching in many diverse areas ever since , both in Polk County and St . Johns County , Florida . I 've been in schools where over 50 % of the students were Hispanic and whose parents could not speak English ; and I 've been in schools where some of the kids lived in million dollar homes with maids and nannies . I 've taught gifted children as well as learning disabled , physically disabled and autistic . I 've been praised by parents and put - down by principals , hugged by little ones and disrespected by middle schoolers . Over the years I 've received many gifts , from hefty gift cards to a large pink rock . But the best gifts were the ones no one could see . Like the parent who told me her child had never like writing and now she had a notebook with her everywhere she went . Or the note thanking me for teaching poetry from the kid who then gave me a copy of an excellent poem he had written . Or seeing my students win awards for speeches so full of their own thoughts and ideas , delivered with excellent rhetoric . Where do I go from here ? I do not know . It is a bit of a grieving process . Earlier this summer I read these words from Psalm 6 and could definitely relate : vs . 6 - I am weary with my groaning ; all night I make my bed swim ; I water my couch with my tears . vs . 9 - The LORD has heard my supplication ; the LORD will receive my prayer . Then I came upon chapter sixteen , vs . 11 - You will show me the path of life : in Your presence is fullness of joy ; at Your right hand there are pleasures for evermore . I don 't know what the future holds , but I know Who holds the future . It may be a trial or an adventure , or I may even return to teaching one day . But for now I will try to make the best use of my time and wait for what lies ahead . What would you do for a peek ? We 've become a nation of peekers . We want to know what everyone else is doing . Photographers who peek get their photos on the cover of The Enquirer . " Peeping Toms " who peek and get caught are arrested . Students who peek and get caught get an F . But , I 'm peeker , too . I 'm a Facebook peeker and it 's addictive . I don 't watch reality shows on TV , but Facebook is like the Ultimate Reality Show . These are people I know , or friends of a friend , or maybe I don 't know them at all . It 's like middle school all over again - who has the most friends or who has the most posts on their wall . For those of us who don 't have a huge friends list there are always photo albums . We just know everyone 's dying to see Uncle John blowing out candles at his 79th birthday party . Or Junior crying because he 's tired and doesn 't want his picture taken AGAIN ! And what is with everybody sticking our their tongues ? It 's just not funny anymore . Yet , I keep taking a " peek " thinking I 'll miss something important . Meanwhile , my dishes are dirty and I haven 't made those phone calls yet and where did the time go ? It 's 5 : 30 and I have nothing to cook for supper ! ! There is no escaping ourselves . Wherever we go , there we are with us . Though the grass seems greener on the other side , when we go to lie down in the meadow we find those same red ants biting at our legs . To use a popular expression , we take our " baggage " with us most of the time . Be it problems , personality , habits , or the extra twenty pounds . When we lived in Lake Wales , Florida we rented a house with a tree house about 10 - 12 feet off the ground . The way to get in was by climbing a rope , so that kept me out . Our three older children loved it ! I imagine it was great fun to have a place to go to be alone , or play with each other - a place where the grown ups didn 't go . A place to pretend or read or spy on those people below . A place to escape the world for a while , but never to escape from self . So , here I am now in this " big tree house " with myself . I am alone often , so I can read or daydream or spy on the neighbors . But , what can I do here to glorify God ? I thought moving would make a huge difference for me four years ago . And it did make some differences for the better . We were able to purchase a nice home , live closer to our parents and reconnect with family . We were here when our family needed us and I am thankful for that . I see , a little but not enough , that God 's ways are not our ways . I think of the story of Joseph and his brothers . They wanted to harm him when they threw him in the pit , and he did suffer for many , many years . But , God meant it for good . This was the way Joseph was placed in the right place at the right time and saved Egypt during the seven years of famine . Oh , I wish I were like Joseph . I wish I could endure being in the pit without feeling sorry for myself . I don 't really know how Joseph felt - maybe he DID feel self - pity . But , I know he endured it to God 's glory . He stayed an honest and upright man and became the second in command under Pharaoh . This is my prayer - to be an honest and upright woman and to be used of God . With the abundance of technology available to kids with the internet and television , it 's amazing that so many students still have no grasp of geography . I must admit it 's not my best subject , but it amazes me when a child in upper elementary school doesn 't know that Kentucky is a state or Australia is a country . Recently , I had a sixth grader answer on a test that England was in West America ! As a teacher I wonder how to get this knowledge to them so they can see the big picture . I think they need to know where in the world they are to help them decide later on where they want to go and what they want to do . When I was growing up I never thought much about countries , except for the fact they were " foreign " and , I supposed , all backwards compared to the United States . I assumed most countries , except perhaps England , were still fairly primitive . I never knew about the big world out there . Now that I do , I want to see more of it . I want to visit the places I read about in history books . I want to see the wonders God created . I want to see Holland ; not Amsterdam , or " New Hamsterdam " , but Delft . Why is it that some family characteristics are handed down from generation to generation and some are not ? For instance , red hair pops up in my family , often skipping generations . Some of my grandma 's brothers and sisters had it , but then it was only passed to one of my cousins . Yet , two others of my generation , not red heads , ended up with a red - headed child . Then there 's the infamous " Bailey head " as my dad ( NOT a Bailey ) called it . The Bailey head is a bit large . And the Bailey nose is a bit wide . I was fortunate to be blessed with both . I don 't know where my little " chest " came from , but my unhappy daughters are also the recipients of this diminutive trait . However , these are all just physical attributes . Sometimes poverty does seem to " run in the family " , but not always . Not in our family , though , or at least it didn 't use to . My parents were poor , both having been raised by single mothers . My dad 's father died when Dad was four . He had a ruptured appendix and gangrene set in before he could get from out in the country to Atlanta for medical attention . My mom 's father deserted his family on the side of the road when she was just a babe in arms . So , both of my grandmothers were the sole providers for their family . I never knew my dad 's mom as she passed away just before I was born . But my Grandma Bryan I did know , yet I didn 't understand how hard she had worked all her life until I was an adult . She worked in textile factories , raised five children , and would never divorce or declare dead the man who left her . As a result , my parents knew what it was like to grow up without luxuries . They never went without food or clothes , but I know they often had very little . My dad would tell me about eating onion sandwiches . My mom was working and buying her own clothes on a $ 2 . 00 - a - week plan when she was fourteen . They learned to work hard , make - do with little and do without a lot . As for myself , I never wanted for any necessities when I was growing up . Dad worked hard to provide for us finPosted by It 's Not About Money , It 's About How You Like Your LifeMoney . So many clichés . I do need some . I do like it . But it can become a burden . Getting money , having it , using it , losing it . All these aspects are often tangled up in emotions . The way I get my money is by teaching . And I truly enjoy teaching but am getting ever tired of the tasks , forced upon me by the government , that take my time away from my students . I love planning lessons , I love it when a kid says , " This is fun ! " and I 'm thrilled when I see progress in their writing skills . I just wish it weren 't such a burden - the paperwork , the administration , the parental expectations . Money seems to be the driving force . Money pits school against school to see who gets the money , er , excuse me , the A + money . Now we are blackmailed into a program that would pit teacher against teacher for a bonus that 's just not worth it . I don 't like my job , my life , when I feel like I 'm being manipulated . I don 't like being part of such a corrupt system . It 's less and less about the child and more and more about the money . Show me the money ? No thanks ! When did I quit seeing the little things ? When did things cease to stir awe inside me ? Some of my best memories are filled with small wonders , fleeting moments , little things . I still find joy whenever I spot a dolphin in the ocean . The first time was when I was nine or ten . My cousins were visiting and our families headed out one summer morning for the beach . When we reached the parking lot , we kids ran to the walkway over the road that dead ends into the sand . Looking out over the sun sparkled sea we saw three dolphins curving in and out of the water . I was so enthralled as I watched until they were out of sight . Even a small touch , a hand on mine , can mean so much . One night as a teenager , my dad was driving me home from a school function when it began to pour down . The rain and lightning were so severe that we sat in our car in the driveway until there was a lull in the storm . Dad reached over and took my hand . I don 't recall what he said , but I do remember it was a real surprise . Dad had never been very affectionate . I 'm not sure what he was feeling , but I remember the tender thoughts that stirred within me . I let him hold my hand . I wasn 't scared of the storm , but I didn 't want him to know that . I wanted him to think he was comforting me . Maybe that night was the beginning . I know , for me , it was very revealing . Dad really loved me . I know because of that small touch . I need to be more aware of these moments . I don 't want to miss the dolphins or rainbows or falling stars . I want to enjoy wind chimes in my backyard and the ducks in my pond . I want to hear the ruffle in the bush . Judging people on their cover . If we are honest , I think we all do this , often unintentionally . We may say , " It 's what 's on the inside that counts , " but the inside stuff determines , usually , what the outside stuff will be . A teenager dressed all in black has chosen that dark look for a reason . We often think Gothic or , like my mother , witchcraft . I think it can be many reasons . One is to draw attention , perhaps to worry parents , or to try to say " I 'm different " , even though many friends are wearing black , also . So it could be to belong - to fit in with others by dressing like them . It might be to hide , or to blend into the background . Or to camouflage a large figure . Perhaps it 's an indicator of a persistent melancholy , teenage angst . No matter what the reason , the cover does project the inside even though we just can 't see that inside . This is similar to book covers . Dark covers with gold writing ? Classics . Dark covers with dark writing ? Mysteries or horror . Pink and white with cutesy graphics ? Chick lit . A passionate embrace ? Romance . Food ? Cookbooks . You get the picture . We may not know the story until we actually read it , but perusing the cover will give us a big clue . So , when you see a woman with a good figure wearing a short skirt , you know it 's to show off the legs . Because she wants a guy ? She wants to be hip ? She knows she has good legs ? Or , just perhaps it 's her sister 's skirt because hers are all dirty . And today she likes the way this skirt looks and feels and she may just try to keep it permanently . Many people dress according to occasion , weather , or what 's clean . Others let their mood be their guide . Feeling frumpy ? Overalls and a tee today . Energetic ? A running suit . Business like ? A knee length skirt with heels . Bohemian ? A broomstick skirt and peasant blouse . Nothing in particular ? Then jeans it will be . Jeans are the most versatile , long - lasting staple of the fashion industry . You can dress them up and down , they come in a multitude of sizes , shapes , and shades . You 've got skinny , embroidered with hearPosted by Now , that is some statement ! All day I 'm teaching , leading , reading , talking . Trying to make " beautiful things " with my students . I bring work home to read and grade papers until I nod off in fitful sleep . I spend hours planning lessons , searching the Internet , making lists . And it 's now really to please the " educational gods " . It 's something I feel compelled - driven - to do . So , why can 't I have this zeal for God ? Why don 't I crave His word and spend time in prayer ? Which is of greater importance ? I know the answer to that one . God is higher than all things . Looking at my life , though , one would not guess I believed that . For , where our time goes , there goes our heart , to paraphrase a bit . I want my heart , my time , my love , to be in the right place . I want to make beautiful things for God . To have a beautiful time with God . Now , I wonder which was louder - the rat or the sissy girl ? Probably , in the rat world , the rat was louder . Wouldn 't it be far scarier if you were a rat and came across a creature multiple times your size with a high pitched scream ? Something dressed in pink , although all you would get a good look at would be her sequined ballerina flats . Imagine two objects going up and down attached in the air to a wriggling ruffle . At that point I think the rat would scramble for cover . Now , if the rat happened upon a brawny boy it might be petrified by the face peering down at it blowing out lots of hot air that sounds like , " Hey , cool ! " Nonetheless , either way I think the greater fear is with the rat . So , what is the lesson here ? I think it may be the misuse of similes . As a teacher I have fun with students teaching similes and metaphors , but this is a classic example of trying too hard to throw in a simile where it just doesn 't work . Similes should enhance and not distract from the writing . So , the next time you confront a rat , perhaps you would scream as loud as ( fill - in - the - blank ) and let the rat run for cover . Adjectives Words that make other words sing . Or shout or cringe . How I wish more words would stick in some file box of my brain . So I could draw them out when I want to explain That weird loneliness that creeps over me . How do I describe the combination of a smell and a breeze That is like time travel ? Just a hint of fried chicken at 5 : 30 On a spring early evening Takes me back to age nine and a safe feeling Mom would be in the kitchen And I would eat supper And I never worried about having enoughIt wasn 't the crispness , greasiness , or warmth . It wasn 't just the sun and shadows and sprinklers running . It wasn 't even the thought of home . It was somehow all these together but I don 't know how to say it . I felt secure , contented , sheltered , But never then could I have said that . At nine I 'd have said Hungry or happy or playful . It 's the looking back I can 't express I think it 's complete , tender , soft , sweet . I think it 's innocence and green and light . It 's a dream and a wish and a reality . No gritty looks , no evil eyes . Just blue and love unspoken , Yellow and love lived . Sure , I could envision Hitler in a turban - perhaps his moustache would need to be wider and thicker . A little Polka music to charm the snake out of the basket . Bratwurst on pita bread . Curried sauerkraut . And , for dessert , German chocolate cake washed down with Chai tea . America is all about the melting pot , mixing cultures , varied cuisines . But , we do have SOME distinctly American traditions . We even have regional cultures as do many other countries . So , just as our children should learn that the turban might be worn in India , and the Alpine hat would adorn the head of a German gentleman , they should also know that the cowboy hat , created by John B . Stetson , is an American tradition . Other things American include cowboys , blue jeans ( especially Levi 's and Wranglers ) , sweet iced tea , Major League Baseball , and the NFL . We have our own holidays such as Thanksgiving and Presidents ' Day . We have what is known as parlor songs , such as " I Dream of Jeanie with the Light Brown Hair " and " Home Sweet Home " . Country music and hip - hip started here . It 's okay to say ya 'll or youse guys . It 's fine to eat chittlins or clam chowder . One day , in the 1980s , I was visiting New York City for the first and only time so far . My husband and I had just one day to experience all we could , so we climbed the Statue of Liberty , went up the Empire State Building , saw a tiny portion of Central Park , rode the subway , and got a hotdog from a street vendor . That is where I got a dose of regional differences . The purveyor of the hotdog snickered and poked fun at me when I asked for mayonnaise on said hotdog . I didn 't know that only people in the south , and probably few of those , used mayo in this way . But , you can go almost anywhere in the USA and find a hamburger - and you can Have It Your Way ! I 'm glad I 'm an American from the south . I 'm glad I 've got friends who aren 't . And , as John Howard Payne penned : Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam , Be it ever so humble , there 's no place like home ; As a teacher of twelve plus years I have gathered some amusing phrases and sentences from my students . Most of these come from 4th - 7th graders . They always make me laugh , but then they make me think . So this is the beginning of some thoughts prompted unknowingly by children that one day I hope to put together under one roof , ie a book . As a teacher of many years I have gathered some amusing phrases and sentences from my students . Most of these come from 4th - 7th graders . They always make me laugh , but then they make me think . So this is the beginning of some thoughts prompted unknowingly by children that one day I hope to put together under one roof , ie a book .
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Hello , I 'm Frug , a member of the guild " The Committed " . . . . well ok , maybe not a member , cuz I 'm just a bear . But my idiot hunter / owner is , and since it 's not like I can leave him and start " The Committed Cubs " or somethin . . here I am . I got things to say and this is where I 'm gonna say it . Check back from time to time so I can tell you the brilliant things my idiot and the people around him put me through . When I was a cub , I walked to and from Ashenvale every day with a couple of other cubs from the neighborhood , Wes & Lilteddie . Our shortcut took us down a particular side valley , and in that valley , behind a fence , was a cat named " Nyeh . " What kind of cat was Nyeh ? The loud kind . I don 't know from breeds ; maybe it was the product of an unholy ugly - bumping between Halazzi and an air horn . Maybe a frostsaber got busy with Fran Drescher . Maybe the fuzzfaced little bastard swallowed a Mr . Microphone . I have no idea . All I know is that any time we got within three trees of that maniacal kitty , he let loose with the most vicious , vociferous , and spittle - and - vinegar - laced tirade I 've ever heard come out of a cat 's yapper . If that fifty - pound feline could 've hopped his mangy ass over the fence , he gave every indication he 'd chew each of us a new poop chute , or die trying . Clearly , Nyeh was a cat begging to be pranked on Halloween . We had three things working in our favor : first , Halloween was on a Wednesday that year , which meant I didn 't have to go to Karazhan and we 'd be walking down the valley near dusk , without need for some elaborate plan or excuse . Second , Nyeh was well - known for incessant roaring around the area , so having him yapping his gums for a few minutes while we set up wouldn 't attract undue attention . Third , and most importantly , the movie " Strays " had come out the year before , putting out - of - control cat attacks firmly on the map . I 'd seen the movie myself , and learned afterwards that the crew had a lot of trouble during filming , because the ( very realistic ) " blood " used during shooting was actually ketchup , and the feline actors kept licking it off their noses . With that little insider tip , the stage was set . And you can probably imagine how the plan came together . At lunchtime on Halloween , we snuck off to the local 7 - 11 and bought two big bottles of " fancy " Heinz ketchup . No regular ketchup - - or God forbid , " catsup " - - for this prank . This was a top - shelf affair , all the way . At dusk , as usual , we meandposted by Frug at 10 : 54 AM I 'm pretty popular in the pet circles ; it 's understandable . I get questions everyday from pets seeking advice , even a few from their owners . Which would be fine , except thata ) most of you are stupid , andb ) when I 'm running down the road do you really really think I 'm going to stop to answer the question as to why thistle boars smell the way they do ? So keeping in line with this whole tech thing , you can now email me your questions : the address is talkwithfrug @ gmail . com . Ask away , and I 'll answer you here . Try to stump me . I guarantee I 've got an opinion on just about anything . talkwithfrug @ gmail . com Yeah , I know I haven 't posted anything in a while . Big Deal . I 've been busy . I made the mistake of offering to take some of the load off of Father Winter , so the punk starts handing out my email address for wish lists . I can 't believe some these : - Dear Santa - Frug , I wud like a kool new dager fer my rouge four Xmas . Iv ben a gud boy allyeer . yer Frend , RoosrDear Roosr , Nice spelling . You 're on your way to a career in lawn care . How aboutI send you a friggin ' book so you can learn to read and write ? I ' mgiving Pix the dagger . At least HE can spell ! Frug ____________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa - Frug , I have been a good girl all year , and the only thing I ask for ispeace and joy in the world for everybody ! Love , YsaDear Ysa , Nah , I heard about you . You 're getting a thong . And a camera . Santa - Frug _______________________________________________________________ Dear Santa - Frug , I don 't know if you can do this , but for Christmas , I 'd like for myowner 's guild to run MC again , because he 's stabled me until then . Please see what you can do ? Love , LilTeddyDear Teddy , Look , your owner 's busy trying out other pets . Do you think he 's gonna give that up to come back to your sorry ass , who cries for food constantly ? It 's time to give upthat dream . Let me get you some nice mushrooms instead . Santa - Frug __________________________________________________________________ Dear Santa - FrugI want a helm , a gun , a ring , some trinkets , a necklace , aPair of boots , a new mount and a tuba . Love , AzuaeDear Azuae , Who names their kid " Azuae " nowadays ? I 'm not sure about you , I 'll setyou up with a Barbie doll . Santa - Frug _________________ ________________________________________________ Dear Santa - Frug , I left milk and cookies for you under the tree , and I left carrotsfor your reindeer outside the back door . Love , KalymaDear Kalyma , Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face whenriding in the sleigh . You want to do me a favor ? Leave me a bottle ofscotch . Santa - Frug _________________________________________ posted by Frug at 8 : 12 AM Whoo , took a trip into Dun Morough with Idiot the other day . Same old story : he flies out on some butt - ugly moose - bird thing , lands flying some bird - lion creation ( I really would 've hated to see the mating to get these two ) … . . and of course , I run . And swim . And run . Man , I hate him . Anyway , we 're there . Idiot is thirsty , cause after all butt - ugly flights will do that to you so he goes into the bar there . Wait , I 'm sorry … . they prefer the term " pub " . And by they - it 's all these guys that look like they went through garbage compactor and it left them short & stocky - with an absolutely hilarious disposition . Yep . . the dwarves . I know I 've said it before , but I just crack up when I see these guys . We go in , and almost immediately , Idiot 's told he needs to leave me outside . Wha ? Outside ? Bite me . I 'm not staying outside just because some little midget with almost as much hair on his back as me says so . I got an idea short , tough guy - how about YOU escort me out ? See my claw knuckles ? I 've got the letters D - W - A - R - F tattooed on each of ' em … . yep , just for you . Nobody 's gonna tell me I can 't stay inside . So I go outside , like they said . At least I 'm not alone … there 's some other ' pets ' out here I make some small talk … a few recognize me from the Frug - Crush episode at Wes ' place . Whatever . . I 'll never live that down . Had one bear there that kept eyeballin me though … . I can 't stand that . Never have . So I approach him and introduce myself . He says his name is Lilt … . Lilt Eddie . Hmmm . I 've never heard of a pet with a first & last name , but what the hell , ok … . so we 're talking and I find out that his idiot is in the same guild as mine . He knows Wes ; they run around in the same circles - so that 's cool . But after every sentence , he 'd say something like " yep , that 's me … Lilt … . Lilt Eddie " … awright , pretty dam weird but whatever . And he was nervous , and I couldn 't understand why . Until … HE walked out the pub . Not incredibly different from the other funny posted by Frug at 1 : 39 PM Oh man , what a week . I 'm still trying to put it all together but it has been just crazy . Me and Idiot were in Tanaris and I happened to come across this purple lotus bush . Now , I 've never had purple lotus before but I had heard that it can be some pretty strong stuff if you eat it . Idiot wasn 't looking and I grabbed some for later . My boy Wes was having a party at his stable one night - his chick owner is working on some fighting test right now ( I dunno , that 's what he told me ) so he 's got a free night . Party , then obviously . I show up , lotus in paw , ready . I grabbed some Winterfall Firewater and had me a little lotus hoping for a little feel - good . That 's when it got weird . Wes says it was as if I was a different bear … . at least a whole different personality . I was calling myself Frug - Crush . Apparently I was telling everyone how I was the best dam bear in Azeroth and that using some math practice only a blood elf could understand , if there were a ranking system - I was # 1 . Wes tried to get me to chill out , and I told him I 'd hunt his @ $ $ down and take him out … " I am Frug - Crush ; you can 't tell me what to do " I pulled out the Frug - top and started blasting away on different forums about how the other posters sucked compared to me and that I , Frug - Crush , should be admired and honored due to my vast superiority . So the unthinkable happened . Wes beat my ass . Hard . Threw a kick at me that I later found out he learned from watching that chick owner of his and knocked me out … . when I came to , I was hurting but normal . Wes is still telling me about some of the other things that happened . Like I seem to have called this dwarf named Keg - something in the middle of the night and told him off . This , as I understand it , was a big mistake . Ugh . I think I 'm about ready to leave Stormwind . This morning I wake up only to find this little punk sitting right next to me … face all a mess with ice cream , dripping the crap all over my fur - all I could do is wonder " now what did Idiot do , now ? " He 's got to take take this kid all over the world it seems and he 's determined to do it … and bring me along . Nope . Not me . See , this is why he keeps Frig the cat in the stable - kids like cats more than bears , and I promise you I will swipe at the first little punk who calls me Yogi or " Poo " . He needs to pull that dam cat out and put him to some use . I flat out refuse to cater to this kid 's whim . And Idiot plans to do all of this to get a PET ! Now not a cool pet , like a snake or something … but things like a turtle , or a rat . Oh yeah , that 's really worth nuttin ' up and hitting the road for adventure . I need to risk my life for Speedy the Turtle . It 's not all bad , I guess … I just whizzed on the extra ice cream the kid had in the back . Not my fault you stepped out to play keep away with some girl and her doll . I was running around Stormwind with Idiot and kept getting all these weird looks from whomever we passed . I wanted to just swipe at all of them but they weren 't trying to start anything . . . . nah , in fact they acted like me & Idiot were special . This much about me , I knew . . . but him ? Great . Just what I need . . . now he 's going to get a big head . I guess it wouldn 't be so bad if it made those damn ears fit to scale . . . anyways . . . so we 're walking around , and finally people are seeing me for the awesome bear I am . Initially I wasn 't sure why , but after a while it hit me . We joined a guild . . . . Righteous Warriors . Apparently these boys & girls are one of the bigger & well respected groups around and the townfolk here love ' em . Well I had to find out just what makes ' em so big & bad . . . . and more to the point , what in the hell did they see in Idiot ? I mean , this guy usually grabs the sharp end of the sword going into a fight - not the brightest elf in the world . But maybe , just maybe , this " Righteous Warrior " group could make him respectable . So I took a close look . Nah . A bunch of bear wannabe 's ( including Idiot 's friend , I saw her ) , some hunters like Idiot , but a bunch of others - many that are little itty bitty things . . . . swords dragging behind them on the ground . . . any other time , they 'd be a snack . Yessir , gnomes . I 'll call ' em lil ' Righteous Warriors . There 's stories galore about them - and even little special groups within this guild . One story caught my eye - There 's a group of who call themselves " The Wipe Crew " They try to do the impossible , and that 's all good , blah blah , whatever . . . . but I found out that their leader is Wes . . . a bear . A very big bear . He 's so cool . . . he 's the tank in the group , he can heal himself , he doesn 't listen to ANYONE . He refuses clam meat & cheap fish . . . . he 's the real deal . Now , I 've got Idiot , but he 's got his own to deal with . . . I keep telling him he 's got it better than me , cuz at least he goes to the cool places , killing dragons , peeing in lava . . . while I 'm stuck in Stranglethorn Vale with a bunch oposted by Frug at 2 : 58 PM This is a good one : Whine , whine , whine . Man , you don 't know how good you have it . You complain that you have to eat clam meat ? The demons I keep as slaves would LOVE to get their evil little mitts on some clam meat . Sometimes I 'll go to a restaurant and order like a 24 - ounce steak , and of course since I 'm a petite little gnome I can 't eat the whole thing , so I 'll just have a few bites and then throw the rest away . That really ticks ' em off , especially my felhunter . I tell you , your Idiot is even more of a sap than most hunters . If I ever discovered this kind of insolence from one of my minions , I guarantee you there would be more punishment in store than just a meal of fungus . Next time your Idiot is hanging out with a warlock buddy , try chatting it up with whatever pitiful demon is working the shift that day . If they 're allowed to speak at all ( I cut the tongues out of my demons long ago ) they 'll relate stories of pain , woe , and anguish so deep and black that mortal creatures cannot comprehend them . That oughtta put things into perspective . Don 't complain about your little stable either . When not in use , my minions languish in a personal hell so depraved that they practically leap for joy once I summon them back . Man , your sob stories have me so wound up right now . I think I 'll go to Darkshore and start murdering bears out of spite . love , CrystalisAwright , first off . . . you 're a gnome . I wipe myself with little things like you . You 're going to Darkshore to hit the bears there ? Heck I 'll join you , that whole rabid thistle thing is a joke . Grimclaw is a puddin . You want to impress me ? Eat a bear steak in Winterspring . And that whole thing about your minions being slaves , and cutting their tongues out ? ? Ummm , that 's a little over the top . . . even for me . You must be a riot at parties . Shame you can 't wear leather , cuz it seems as though you 'd be all over it . . spikes and all . " Say my name , SAY MY NAME . . . . oh wait , the tongue thing . . . " Frankly , I thing all you warlocks are repressed deviants . . . sorta feel sorry for that imp . And posted by Frug at 9 : 15 AM So I woke one morning and found myself , paws still a little sore , in a stable . A Stable ? What in Azeroth would I be doing in a stable ? No Idiot around , no Wannabe around . . . I didn 't see anyone from Rabid Wolves or The Committed around . . Great , another wonderful mystery for me to figure out . Or so I thought . About an hour later , I see Idiot running in - I actually was happy to see him . Confused still , but happy . But then it became clear . . . I had competition . HE HAD A CAT WITH HIM ! I called him over , and called him on it . . . What 's the deal ? He said the cat 's name was Frig . uh - uh , no way . . you gotta be kidding . That smug little cat , his butt is mine when I get out of here . Which better be soon . OK , so you know that portal taking you from Darnassus to R ' Utheran Village ? Two steps to the right of the entrance . . . . sticker patch . My paws are covered . Does Idiot care ? Awww no . . . he just hops around , trying to do a flip cuz he 's excited about flying on one of those bear - butt ugly things to Darkshore . Me ? I guess I get to swim there . . . yay . At least it 'll be a little soothing on the paws . Please pay close attention to this Public Service Announcement brought to by Frug : For those of you who run around Azeroth screaming " Leeeeeroy Jenkins " , you 're not cool . In fact , those who are cool make fun of you . Think about this . I 'm a bear , and I 'd rather spend my time on my Frug - top doing this than killing the deer in Ashenvale . By most bear - standards , I 'm a geek - bear . But I 'm cooler than you . So where have I been ? Hibernation . Every bear 's gotta do it , and I ain 't any different . Course , I wake up and EVERYTHING is changed ! Idiot 's not a " Rabid Wolf " anymore and just a couple of days ago I hear him walking around saying that he 's one of " The Committed " . OK . . . so let 's get out the Frug - top and a cup of coffee ( in a Frug - off mug available by clicking on the link to the right ) and let 's see what it is to be ' committed ' . One definition I found is to be " morally bound " . Hmmm . I don 't even know what in the hell that really means . I 'm guessin ' that means he followed Wannabe , cuz the girl - who - sounds - like - a - guy - and - can - change - into - something - like - a - bear is back around . Great . That 's what I need . Or maybe by being " committed " it 's that Idiot has finally recognized he ain 't all there . Heck , I could 've told him that when he first gave me a mushroom . Now he tells me I 'm ' committed ' too . Man , I hadn 't done anything in the last month except sleep . You can 't blame anything on me . So I was diggin ' in Idiot 's closet , hoping to find some of that food Wannabe sent to him a while back , but I came across something better . Much better . Seems my good ole boy was trying to make a move on this lady . She was a seamstress or something . I remember they would talk in chats and mail , but it was some time before they met . One night , Idiot said he was going to meet her … came back really upset . I did my pet thing , walked up to him & could sense he was upset … . so I did what every good pet does . Peed on his bow . Anyways , I found this note that I guess he wanted to send to her , but never finished it . Now it makes sense why he doesn 't talk about her anymore . Man , I wish I had seen this note earlier : We all make mistakes . We date the wrong people for too long . We chew gum with our mouths open . We say inappropriate things in front of grandma . And we buy leather pants . I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession . I bought them many , many years ago under the spell of another hunter whom I believed to have taste . She suggested I try them on . I did . She said they looked good . I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her . I 'm stupid and prone to impulsive decisions . I bought the pants . The relationship , probably for better , never materialized . The girl , whose name I can 't even recall , is a distant memory . I think she was short . Not gnome - short , but short . I 'm a hunter ; I can 't wear anything stronger than leather until I prove myself . What am I supposed to do ? I know you like cloth - I really do too , but you know … the guys … . . These were not cheap leather pants . They are Epic leather pants . They 're for hunters . . men . Brave men , I would think . Perhaps tattooed , pierced men . In fact , I 'll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough , very gay , or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it . I 'm very tough , you know . . . I fight often without my bear . . . I found the pants . Ultimately they were placed in the closet where they have remained , unworn , for nearly months . I 'm posted by Frug at 2 : 53 PM Frug note : I found me a little den mother over the weekend , so I 'll be taking some time away from the Frug - top , this here 's a guest post from Panzer - who seems to have some bigger problems than me at the moment . You will not believe what happened to me the other day . Lyoness said it was time for me to go to the vet . Being a wild animal , I thought . . " what the hell is a VET . " I had several thoughts that crossed my mind of what a vet was but nothing compaired to what it ended up being . 1 . Being a new type of meat . 2 . Being another place for me to run all the way too while the idiot takes a flight . First Lyoness got this huge crate and stuffed me in it while I fight to try to run out the front door . I actualy made it the first time but the second time . Idiot wraped me up in some Runecloth fabric and stuffed me inside the crate and shut the door . I was stuck while Idiot laughed at me getting untangled from the Runecloth . Then she had a whole bunch of other people tie the crate up on the back of a Griffon . I was actualy glad that I didnt have to run for once . Although the constant bouncing around inside the crate gave me a few bumps on the head . So here I am , stuck in a crate and wondering WHAT THE HELL is a VET ? ? We arrive in Stormwind and now the Idiot lets me out of this stupid box that I was stuffed in against my will . I should sue that Idiot for messing up my fur . Course Idiot doesnt care . . oh well . . have to see what this VET thing is . We walk into a building and before I know it . . some dude wearing a white coat is stuffing things in the WRONG place and saying I need a Rabies shot and pulls this other object and stabs me in the butt with it . " Then he says don 't you feel better ? " The only way I am going to fell better is when I bite his hand off and stuff it where the sun doesnt shine . GRRRR . Well now I know what the Vet is . . Some person in a white coat just asking for a decapitation . And speaking of Decapitation . . . . . maybe I should decapitate my Idiot as well . - Panzer Idiot 's not so bad . There 's some good things about him , but I just can 't get over how dumb he and his ' kind ' can be . Always looking to do stuff for other people , it 's as if they 're all on a special mission or quest to be the HANDMAID of the true losers of the world . For the love of moonkin meat , can 't you just tell the sap to go get his own book just down the road ? " Go get this book I left near the bedpan " . . . . " Ohhhh , Thank Yooooouuuu . . . . now can you get my glasses ? They were right next to the book . . . oh but hurry ! " If it were me ? I tell you what , how about after you finish wiping yourself , you pick up your own book and bring it with you . Preferably AFTER you wash your hands . What ? You need your glasses ? Yeah , I saw ' em . . . . and dropped ' em in the bedpan . Maybe you should 've tried to mooch someone into cleaning THAT before you started trying to get someone to get the book , lazy punk . It baffles me how they can get away with it , but then again when I sit back and take a look at Idiot and Wannabe - it 's all put in perspective . Hey Idiot ! You see me ? See how I 'm not smiling ? You wanna get the show on the road , dig in those bags and gimme some meat ? No , I don 't want the mushrooms over there . . . . YOU can 't see the bedpan , but I know why those shrooms are so tall . . . What do you mean you need to get some orphan kid some ice cream from a goblin just around the corner ? ! ? ! If I don 't get fed , you 'll look pretty funny with an ice cream cone stuck up your . . . . . . I was in Stormwind , just outside the bank by the fountain ( I had to go and that 's my favorite spot around there ) when I saw this little gnome having a hell of a time trying to walk around with this armor much too big for him . Man , I was enjoying see ing this sight . . and I wasn 't alone ; some elves were messing with him . " Does your mom know you 're wearing your dad 's chestplate ? " This little dude got pretty chapped . " YOU DON ' T WANT TO MESS WITH ME . I GOT A GANG , A POSSE , WE ' RE LIKE THE MAFIA . . . . . I ' M GONNA HIT YOU WITH ONE OF THE MANY EGGS I KEEP " Eggs ? Who in the hell keeps eggs with them ? A posse ? gang ? Mafia ? What is this , World of HBO ? The elves were laughing , he was getting more & more pissed , so I walked up to him and smacked him . Had to . I can 't stand hearing a gnome whine . His helment flew off . . . and instantly I realized this was the person Wannabe and Idiot sometimes talked about . The " Q man " . He was a sap . " I 'm gonna get my gang to take you out " Whack . Shaddup Q . " I 'm gonna . . . . " Whack . Stupid . " I 'm . . . " Whack . Dam , boy get the hint . Idiot finally got done in the bank rearranging all his stuff ( the pack rat ) and pulled me off the little punk . But not before I peed on him . Like I said , that was my favorite spot . You guys are giving me better material than I could ever come up with . . . . What up Frug , I feel like the coolest bear around . My pet Dwarf got together with the rest of the guild to take another picture outside of Stormwind , and who should be right up front dead center ? Me , baby ! Who needs your name on the roll sheet when you get props like that ? The way I figure it , you just have to keep your " handler " in line . Let them know that without you they are nothing . Then all of a sudden , you 'll find them trying out new recipes . No more raw spider meat , now your getting spider - ka - bobs . For instance , I was running behind my dwarf ( Scuttle - something - or - another ) the other day in Loch Mondan , and decided to stop to catch my breath . Moron didn 't notice and just kept on running ! Next thing you know , his little dwarf butt is getting railed on by some mean looking Ogres and I 'm laughin my fur off just watching . I 'm guessing that 'll be the last time he forgets to make sure I 'm step for step with him . - RuxpinThe coolest bear around ? Dude , he named you " Ruxpin " - as in " Teddy Ruxpin " , a 5 year old 's dream in the early 1980 's . Your namesake is smaller than a gnome and does less damage than a wisp fart . Yep , you got him wrapped around your claw . Grrr . . . whatever . . . oooh boy . . . . . NEXT . Frug . . Dear Frug , The advice you gave me about taking a dump in my owners shoes was not a very good idea . I found out very fast that my idiot owner actualy does have some beast mastery after all . I have to admit it was funny watching the expression as my idiot put her shoe on in the morning , but all of a sudden I found myself being dragged by the scruff of my neck and getting my nose shoved into the shoe which I left my big surprise in . Now how would you feel if your idiot shoved your face in your own poo ? ? ? ! ! Then the next thing I know . . . . my idiot owner is giving 50 silver pieces to some vender in Wetlands and gets The Daily Aggramar Transcript and rolls the paper up and proceeds who whack me on the butt while yelling " Bad Panzer ! Bad Bad Bad Panzer ! " I am begining to think my idiot owner maybe a bit more intellegent than your lazy butt idiot . GRRRR . . . - PanzerPanzer , what I 'm thinkin is that your owner is actually more interested in you than you realize and might just . . well , like it rough . All that " Bad Panzer " stuff makes me think she 's into a little different roleplaying . Sleep with your back to the wall . Frug Idiot saw my ' observations ' about Tabledancer . Apparently , her guild is known as " Udderly Dead " not " Dead Udders " . Oh . OK . That changes everything . Idiot says he runs around with them sometimes . I need to figure that one out . Frug OK , so you remember that post about me not wanting to see a naked Tauren covered in whip cream ? Frug , OK buddy I resent that statement . First I am a tauren and second my line of work includes me to cover myself in whipcream from time to time . Sticks and Stome won 't break my bones , but Tauren Horns will Hurt you . - TabledancerWonderful , so now I 've got some horny dairy cow trying to call me out . Man , I need to get out of Ashenvale and find this ' Tabledancer ' . . . . I did some checking and I think she 's got some gang that calls themselves ' Dead Udders ' or something . For some reason , I 'm not all that scared . Next thing you know , I 'll be getting heckled from someone in the ' Spoiled Nipples ' guild . All this talk of cow is making me hungry . Panzer said . . . Welcome back Frug . . . I have been needing to speak with you about my Idiot owner . Some nightelf that has turquoise hair . She likes runing in circles getting lost in dungeons and need I say more also likes to take scuicide missions off the side of the high cliffs of Telsadril ! I think I will join your movement of Animal Rights . Panzer , You gotta understand , it 's not really animal rights . There 's some real stupid animals out there . Like those crabs . I saw a crab the other day running around with a dwarf and the crab 's name was " Fang " . Wha ? OK , I know - the dwarf is a little ugly idiot for naming the crab that , but the fact that the crab seemed to be all giddy with the " aye , doncha know . . . I 'm a dwarf with crabs " type of attitude . He 's just dumb . Start boiling the water , add crab boil and potatoes . Beats the hell out of clam meat , at least . But to your problem . You 've got an elf who likes to jump off the side of a mountain . You need to help her focus on something else . So take a dump in her shoes . Glad I could help . Frug . I 'm pretty popular in the pet circles ; it 's understandable . I get questions everyday from pets seeking advice , even a few from their owners . Which would be fine , except thata ) most of you are stupid , andb ) when I 'm running down the road do you really really think I 'm going to stop to answer the question as to why thistle boars smell the way they do ? So keeping in line with this whole tech thing , you can now email me your questions : the address is talkwithfrug @ gmail . com . Ask away , and I 'll answer you here . Try to stump me . I guarantee I 've got an opinion on just about anything . talkwithfrug @ gmail . com Stormwind CityEver have one of those weeks ? Well , I don 't care - I 've got problems of my own . I saw on the guild forum a few of you ' braver ' souls tried to call me out . Yeah , real tough hiding behind a firewall and all - your parents must be so proud . Pink slips , spankins … it 's easy to see why we 're feared across the land . It 's not like I didn 't have anything to say , I just couldn 't get it out . The Wi - Fi network in Ashenvale went out . Seems as though someone in the inn was surfing for tauren porn and downloaded a virus or something . Pretty sad ; I heard it was a paladin … bald headed guy , had a simple , plain name , not unlike John or Bill or something . I heard he was so distraught he had a breakdown and went PvP on everyone . Anyway , so I couldn 't get my laptop ( or as I call it , the Frug - top ) online until Idiot decided to go somewhere else . I was pumped when he got off his butt to go somewhere , but he went to Stonetalon . What in the blue hell is there in Stonetalon ? If you ask me , nothing but weird sickos . I sat and thought about just how it was that there was a beast that was part lion , part bird … what kind of sick mating was that ? Then we went a little further . . Harpies … part chick , you know , a girl … . and part … well … chick , a bird . That 's just wrong . So we ran back to the flight path in Stonetalon and it 's there I realized I had just seen the worse : an elf . With a deer - butt & legs . And antlers . How gross . All I know is that if anyone around here starts walking towards me with a smile on his face I 'm gonna gut him . Sick . I was glad we got out of there . We ended up in Stormwind City ( Idiot flew , I ran of course ) and thankfully their Wi - Fi is up so I can post again . The powers that be , and I don 't quite know who that is , have decided to make ' Frug Off ' a blog . . ok , whatever . They say that way , you girls can make comments on what I say . I 'm still learning about this web stuff . I 'll be fine as long as I don 't come across some naked tauren covered in whip cream … Frug 8 - 05 - 2005 , Westfall " Frug , It seems as though you may be upsetting some of the other pets in the guild . Some of the guild members are claiming to get ' the eye ' from their pets , as if in a sign of distrust . With that in mind , I 've been instructed to insist you cease from enticing the pets in RWOA . Failure to comply may lead to disciplinary action . Thanks for your attention to this matter . " I got this note one morning next to my ( poor excuse of a ) bed from my idiot . You gotta be kidding me . First off , puddin - boy can 't get the guts to talk to me . He wrote a note . Wow , no wonder you 've got ME going toe - to - toe with everything … . surprised you don 't send them a note saying " please die " - anyways , I gave Idiot my answer by relieving myself on his bow & arrows . Heh … guess that clam meat was good for something after all . That note did force to take a close look at some of the other pets . Saw a couple bears , wolves , a spider , some snake thing … . and then I saw it . I thought Idiot was bad . I thought Wannabe was the worst I had seen . But this takes the cake : A mechanical pet . Like a squirrel or something . Who in the world calls a bucket of bolts their pet ? That 's just wrong . It creaks , buzzes , you hear all these gears … . and THEY DON ' T DO ANYTHING ! ! No bite , no growl … heck , no lasers from their little mechanical squirrel eyes … . they 're just there . What kind of help is that ? ? It 's bad enough I 've got to compete with spiders and wolves but now I need to worry about robots ? It 's the gnomes making these things , I know … . I 've always thought they could be the easy track to bulking up for hibernation . Gotta pick my moment … . Well , all for now … . but for all of you that are worried about ' the eye ' you may be getting from your pets ? Well , it ain 't cuz of me . You need to ask yourself a couple of questions : when was the last time I let my pet have some ' quality time ' with another of his kind ? You sure you 're reading that " eye " right ? I suppose that 'd be one good thing about a roboposted by Frug at 11 : 52 PM 7 - 14 - 2005 , Ashenvale Well , that first column went over like a fart in Teldrassil with my idiot . Since I said I didn 't want the clam meat , now I 'm stuck with bread . Bread . What kind of fool expects a bear to do his best by eating bread . So I left him know I don 't like it … . and he threatens me with nothing but some fungus food . I 'm gonna SO waste him when he 's in his ' state of rest ' . And about his friend , the wannabe bear . . I 'm about done with her / him / whatever , too . We 're heading towards the big city across the ocean or something - I think Idiot wanted to meet up with the guild - who - won 't - recognize - me and when we get there , Wannabe is there . OK , fine , I don 't care - I 'm talking with the other pets like Ravager and Spidermon , when all of the sudden Wannabe turns into her faux bear form and gets RIGHT OVER ME ! She can 't stand still , moving all around . You gotta be kiddin me . There 's gnomes here , you don 't do that . Idiot tells her to leave me alone - good thing cuz I was about to gut her . And I can , too . She said it was just because Idiot keeps crying because I 'm so small . I can 't help it if when he ' tamed me ' ( his term , not mine - I got issues there , too ) , I shrunk . You think I like becoming smaller ! ? ! ? Half the reason I 'm tolerating all this running he 's doing is that I hope he can loot some type of bear - growth charm . Now , about this trip to visit his friends . We 're in Ashenvale , and he hops on this flying thing that looks worse than Wannabe 's backside . And he flys away … great . I gotta run to Darkshore , now . What 'd he think , that when he took flight I just faded away and would reappear at his beckon call ? Fortunately he let me take the boat with him … . and then here we go again … I gotta run through the Wetlands , Loch Modan , Searing Gorge ( real fun ) , Blasted Lands … finally getting to this big city . And we didn 't even go in ! We took a picture . Woo - woo . I figure after all that we 'd take a break . Nope . I gotta run all the way back to Ashenvale . And what do I gposted by Frug at 11 : 51 PM 7 - 12 - 2005 , AshenvaleHello , I 'm Frug … I 'm a member of RWOA … . well ok , I 'm not on the ' official ' roster since I 'm just a bear . My idiot hunter / owner is , though . And since it 's not like I can leave him and start " Rabid Thistle Bears of Auberdine " or something , here I am . Note to whomever is in charge : I should be recognized in the guild . I 've kicked more butt than my owner as he stays far far away with his little bow and arrows , acting like he 's Green Arrow or Robin Hood … whatever . . . and he 's got this friend … . I dunno … looks like a girl , talks like a guy , but seems ok … . and then WHOA … this chick turns into a bear ? ! Mind you , she 's not a real bear . The ears are all wrong , the walk isn 't right … . one thing I can 't stand is a ' wannabe ' . But my idiot hunter , in all his infinite wisdom runs with a chick - who - sounds - like - a - guy - but - wants - to - be - a - bear . Yeah , and I 'm the one who needs to be trained . I hear all this smack about , " once I get to level blah blah blah , I 'm going to put my points into yada yada yada yada … . . " Yeah , fine whatever , geek - elf - boy . . just feed me . It 's the least you can do for me keeping you alive . And no more clam meat . Would you give your momma clam meat ? I don 't think so . I know I 'm your heavy , the one that saves your butt , but I ain 't planning to do it with clam breath … . Well , anyway . . so why am I here ? Apparently , while it seems I 'm " not valuable enough " to be on the guild roster , all my griping has done something . I figure they thought I 'd shut up if I was busy doing ' web work ' ( HELLO ? ! ? ! I 'm a b - e - a - r ) . . but , I 'm gonna show them . I got things to say and this is where I 'm gonna say it . Check back from time to time so I can tell you the brilliant things my idiot puts me through . But I 'm not alone though : My bud , Pads feels the same way … he 's just waiting for the right moment to off his guy . With all the teasing he gets in the pet circles , it 's only a matter of time . I might get him and some of the others to send something posted by Frug at 11 : 48 PM
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10 : : Blogging . I suck at finding time to do this . Yes . I . Do . I like blogging and I don 't really have trouble finding things to write about it 's just finding the time to do it . I 'll work on it . . : ) 9 : : Alex and I started watching Lost together on Netflix . It 's interesting so far to say the least . I might have ruined it for myself by reading the wiki on it but it doesn 't bother me . 7 : : Look , I made it through the first three without mentioning Scarlett , I do have a life outside my baby ! ; ) She 's awesome by the way , I 'm currently trying to teach her how to go to sleep on her own ( while I lay beside her ) it 's kind of inconsistent though . I also think she 's teething , which means she wakes up crying for no reason sometimes . Ouchies . 5 : : We 're really enjoying our CSA this year so far . Alex has been making us some yummy dinners with our fresh organic veggies and the fruit share has been decent as well . Tomatoes are ripening . . this means unlimited salsa is on the way ! 4 : : I 've been following the bachelorette this season and next week we get to find out who wins . Team Jef for sure . Arie 's family just doesn 't seem like the right fit for Emily and Ricki . I hope she makes the right choice and it sticks . 3 : : We had a sushi making party with friends a couple weekends ago and it was de - licious ! I wish I would 've taken more pictures but maybe I will write a post on all the prep and planning that it took in case someone wants to do it on their own . Making sushi is surprisingly easy ! 2 : : Somebody might be crawling now . I 'll try to take a video to upload . It 's good , but also . . not so good . A lot comes along with having a mobile baby and I was kind of hoping to keep her immobile for a little while longer . Oh well , there 's no stopping this girl ! 1 : : I have so many iphone pictures to put on here but surprisingly , I don 't take as many as I used to . I 'm not sure why this is and when I think about it , i usually end up snapping a ton at one time . We have been trying to use our regular camera though and I want to get a picture of all of our family members faces so that I can make her a faces book so she can learn everyone faces and names . This goes along with me wanting to make a digital scrapbook each year for her , I should probably start that now so I don 't have to do it all at once , huh ? 10 : : The cats . Their winter hair is shedding and our one particular kitty , Domino basically refuses to groom himself properly which has resulted in an enormous amount of mats , mostly on his back leg area . So I have resorted to cutting them out . This makes for a very weird looking cat . Alex and I really want to get his hair buzzer and just buzz his whole body , minus his head but I don 't know how well he 'll tolerate it but really , something has to be done . Ugh ! 9 : : I got my legs waxed last Wednesday by my sister , Nicole . All seemed fine except that I sweated a lot over the weekend while outside in the heat ( duh ) and now they 're irritated . Gah ! 8 : : Revenge . . the show . Can you believe the season ended like that ? First of all , I didn 't know there was going to be an episode 22 , so I was surprised to see that but glad because then we could find out what happened to Nolan , obv they couldn 't kill him . I kind of wish she would 've killed the white haired guy , then he couldn 't have blown up the plane ! I 'm surprised they killed Victoria , unless she 's not really dead ? Won 't they need to keep her around for flashbacks at least ? Season two is going to be awe - some . Alex said he kind of wished they would 've killed off Daniel at the engagement party , but I think they took it in the right direction . In order for a season two to work , she still needs to want revenge , which now she does , plus her mom ? Wow ! They could take that in so many directions ! 7 : : Scarlett is definitely ticklish in her belly . It is hilarious to make her laugh . We need to get it on camera here soon so that we have it ! Her laugh is infectious ! 6 : : We bought this coleman beach shade for our upcoming beach trips ! We cannot wait to try it out when it arrives on Thursday . It will also be perfect to sit in the yard and watch Alex in the garden or the birds at the water bath ! I also plan to get her a little inflatable swimming pool for this summer . She loved the pool at Richmond so much so why not get a little one here she can splash around in this summer and keep cool ! 4 : : I 've decided I 'm going to do push - ups and the plank plus take a walk everyday starting today . Yesterday evening I did push - ups and the plank and thought that it 's a good way to keep moving this summer , even if it 's hot outside ! Scarlett will enjoy the walks as well so it 's a win win ! Maybe i 'll get up some courage to do some interval training with C25K as well ! 3 : : The Lancaster Farm Fresh Coop that we 're a part of has been giving us some yummy greens . We 've made kale chips twice and lots of other fresh veggies including strawberries . The fruit share starts this week and I can 't wait to make this recipe next time we get strawberries . Alex 's garden has also been producing some yummy foods including broccoli and sugar snap peas ! 2 : : Volleyball has started back up and I 'm super excited about it ! I love playing and I love my teammates and it 's so fun to play ! Thank goodness for them ! 1 : : Summer is officially here . I feel like after Memorial Day weekend , it 's official summer . Not to mention the hot hot weather we 've been having . I can 't wait for the cookouts and the bonfires and swimming at the pool and spending time with family and friends , going to the beach and going to the mountains and showing Scarlett what summer is all about ! 11 . The Lancaster Farm Fresh Coop starts this week . I am so excited to see what we get ! We got half of a veggie share and a fruit share . Yum yum yum , organic and fresh and healthy . Perfect for making baby food , am i right ? Speaking of baby food . . we got some asparagus seconds from the farm yesterday and I 'm definitely going to use some of it to make baby food to freeze now , since asparagus won 't be in season when Scarlett will start eating it . I have a feeling she 's going to love it ! 10 . I 'm currently obsessed with a new salad that Britt introduced me to almost a month ago now . It 's called an Oriental Chicken Salad ( i think ? ) and it is delish . I 've since took it a couple of places to share and it got great reviews . I 'll post the recipe soon ! 9 . Super excited for some upcoming trips ! First to Richmond to see family and watch some volleyball and soccer . Scarlett is super pumped to meet her aunts , uncles and cousins ! And then to Rehoboth Beach with friends where Scarlett will put her feet ( and probably hands ) in the sand for the first time . I hope none of it ends up in her mouth but who am i kidding ? I 'm sure it will . 8 . Honestly , I 'm regretting not getting the iPhone 4S . . just for the camera . The camera on the 4 is fine but I take so many pictures with my phone that the 4S would 've been worth it . Oh well , next upgrade is in December , looks like i 'm either getting the 4S or waiting a little bit longer for a potential iPhone 5 ! 7 . Hoping for good weather for both of those trips above ! ! The weather this year so far has been interesting to say the least . No snow or really any super cold weather , which has been nice . I hope it gets warm and stays warm soon . The flip flopping and not knowing whether to wear a coat in the morning is getting a little old . 6 . Scarlett will turn 4 months on the 20th and I 'll do a whole post on it but one big thing she did a couple weeks ago was she rolled over ! First huge milestone accomplished ! We also hope that at her 4 month dr appointment we 'll be able to start some kind of solids . Maybe then she 'll consistently sleep longer at night ! ? : ) 5 . Alex got a charcoal grill for his birthday and let me just say , food cooked on a charcoal grill really does taste better . It 's kinda crazy but so so yummy . Alex is looking for any and every opportunity to use it . I see lots of backyard cookouts in our future for this summer ! 4 . Post baby bod update . The weight is coming off . . slowly but surely . I 'm trying not to rush it but the last couple of weeks I 've been trying to eat healthier and that killer salad in # 10 has been helping ! I try to take walks on my days off with Scarlett and starting this week I 'm going to try to get a pilates sesh in everyday . My core is definitely in need of some toning . 3 . Speaking of post baby bod . . I 'm gonna need some new swim suits for this year . More mom - appropriate but also stylish . I think I might have to search pinterest for this . These days I search pinterest for everything ! 2 . Mothers day is this coming weekend ! My first official , baby outside the womb mothers day , since last mothers day I was pregnant but didn 't know it . We 're excited to spend the day together doing lots of fun things ! A yummy breakfast , maybe a picnic lunch . . fun ! 1 . This blog design still needs a lot of work and I 'm working on it when I get a chance . I need to look into the coding of some other blogs I follow to see how they get things arranged so nicely because I don 't really like the spacing on the right between the different pages . I should really just hire someone for a new design . . I 'll be pondering that now . Lots has been going on recently because baby girl is breech . My stress level is much lower than a couple weeks ago but this hasn 't changed her position , yet . I 'm staying optimistic . Here are the updates . . Tuesday we had an ultrasound to confirm her position . The ultrasound tech was . . short . She didn 't give us an estimate of how much the baby weighed and she didn 't talk much other then answering the questions we had like , " what are we looking at ? " etc . Big difference from our 19 week anatomy scan . It must 've been a busy day because we went back out to the lobby for at least 20 minutes , then went back to an exam room for the normal OB appointment and waited almost another 20 minutes . A ( midwife / nurse practitioner , I do not know which ) came in and said she just reviewed our scans . It had to be a midwife , why would a NP be reviewing our scans ? ? Regardless , she did not review them WITH us . She barely even mentioned them other than saying yes , the baby is breech . . we knew this because we were there at the ultrasound , obviously . Needless to say , this midwife was not helpful in the least . She asked us if we knew about ECV ( External Cephalic Version where they can try to manually turn the baby ) and tried to get us to schedule one for the following week and then talked c - section a little bit and said we should schedule that too . We were pretty taken aback . First of all , I thought midwives were supposed to have options of things to do to keep labor / delivery as natural as possible . Second of all , she couldn 't answer ANY of the questions we had regarding the ECV or having a breech baby . Needless to say , we were pretty irritated after leaving there but we did schedule a consult with an actual OB for Friday . Friday morning bright and early we headed to the consult with the OB . We ( again ) waited a long time , which seems so abnormal compared to my previous visits , but the OB was very friendly and seemed like he would 've spent more than an hour with us if we wanted which was comforting . He told us that they would not do a scheduled c - section prior to 39 weeks and we would try ( if we decide to ) the ECV right before the c - section to see if we could get any movement . He was very helpful and informative . One thing however is that he said he will not force the baby during the ECV , if she does not want to turn around , he is not going to ' force ' her more than she is willing . We have a 2nd opinion consult with another OB in the practice this coming friday to talk about the same thing ( which was suggested by this OB ) . It was comforting to hear that we don 't need to schedule the c - section until after 39 weeks ( if it comes to that ) and that the baby still has plenty of time to turn naturally , something the midwife did not say ONE TIME ! We left the appointment feeling better . We 're almost 100 % sure that we will be trying the ECV prior to going on with a c - section . This morning , Saturday , I had another appointment at Dr . Kegel 's for another adjustment to stay aligned . Baby girl moves around a lot and has been teetering to the transverse position so I think she 's just prepping herself to make the big turn . Staying optimistic . I have also been relaxing a lot more on my sides and drinking more water at the doctor 's suggestion . Everything else , not breech related , is going well . The OB said the baby is the average size currently so not too big or too small or anything . I got all of the baby stuff organized this past week and with the help of Nick and Laurel we have the pack n play set up and the carseat / stroller ready to go . I need to focus on packing a bag though and getting the small stuff taken care of . This coming week at work is going to be quite busy as I tie up loose ends prior to leaving for maternity leave . I think i 'm still in a bit of denial that we 're 3 weeks or less away from having a baby girl . We 're very excited and cannot wait to meet her but it 's definitely one of those things where you don 't believe it until it 's happening . I have not had any false contractions ( probably because she isn 't sitting in my pelvis head first ) which is a positive because then I probably won 't go into labor but I have no idea what i 'm in for . Please keep your fingers crossed for us that she does make the turn to head down . We 'll keep everyone in the loop if she does flip ! That will be an exciting moment which will be followed by me doing about a million jumping jacks so that she gets wedged in there and can 't flip back ! We were lucky enough to have my 6 year old niece Makayla join us for the better part of Saturday and Sunday . She is the cutest and the smartest 6 year old i 've ever met . Here 's what we did to entertain her while she was with us ! When my sister and mom brought her down , we all headed to Isaac 's for some lunch and then to the mall for a little bit . Makayla and I sat on Santa 's lap ( because she wouldn 't do it alone ) and despite almost crushing his leg , he basically granted my christmas wish to have a baby girl . ( Like it was a choice ? ) Since we weren 't allowed to just take a cellphone picture from inside the santa area , Alex took one from afar . After the mall , we headed home and got down to gingerbread village business . I bought the kit at the grocery store and it was 4 or 5 tiny gingerbread houses . I had to whip up some more icing ( that we kind of didn 't really use ) and our houses weren 't exactly the most attractive or . . well , stable . Makayla did a great job though and she barely got messy ! Alex and I on the other hand were quite messy and I 'm pretty sure there are still candy sprinkles on the floor . When we completed our village , we sat down to a nice dinner of Velveeta shells and cheese and broccoli . We needed to hurry a little bit so we could make the movie we planned to see , which was The Muppets . Honestly , and I can say this because Makayla doesn 't read my blog , the Muppets was cheesy . I know it 's a family movie and stuff but cut down on the cheese and maybe I would 've liked it more . It was fine though . I can 't say I laughed at all but I know there were some people beside me cracking up , so something must 've been funny . We were asked for popcorn quite a few times but reminded the little miss that if she got popcorn at the theater , she wouldn 't get ice cream when we got home . She choose the ice cream , as any smart person would do . At home afterward , we ate ice cream and played some Mario coin runner and then put Makayla to bed in the middle of our King Size ( thank god we have a king size ) . Alex and I hung out a little bit before joining her . The good thing about Makayla is she 's always been a really good sleeper . Even when she was younger , all you would have to say is " close your eyes , keep them closed and when you wake up it will be morning " and it worked . At least anytime I 've put her to bed . She is a mover and a shaker though . I think I got hit in the face once . . Alex probably got hit a couple of times . She turned diagonal in the bed with her feet in my back . I specifically turned my back so she couldn 't kick my stomach , lol . It was an interesting night to say the least ! Anyway . . Makayla woke up Sunday morning at 7am ! I gave her my iPad to keep her busy but this didn 't last all that long before she was asking for pancakes , since she knew we planned to make them for breakfast . We tried and failed at making pancakes with cookie cutters , unfortunately . But the pancakes tasted good and I would totally make that an every Sunday deal if Alex would let me . After pancakes we did some coloring . We played more coin runner and I made our pizza dough for lunch later on . We decided to go to a nearby park to play for a little bit and when we got home , Makayla and I made our pizzas ( ugh , i missed taking a picture of this ! ) and watched Alice in Wonderland . After the movie , I took her back up to home base and we ended up going to Hoss 's for dinner with my mom and Julia . YUM ! I totally get ( more than before ) how 24 / 7 being a parent is . Granted , with your own kids you don 't constantly have to entertain them , but adding in fun activities spices things up and keeps things interesting ! We 're really lucky that Makayla is so well behaved and mature for her age so she can keep up with us really easily and we can keep up with her . We had a great time , and hopefully when our baby girl is a little bit older , she can come visit us again ! Saturday night we went to a super fun halloween party at Gretchen and Eric 's . We were introduced to these things called ' walking tacos ' which were frickin ' amazing and perfect for a party ( and i will be stealing this idea ) . Walking tacos are regular taco fixings shoved into a snack size bag of doritos . All you need is a fork ! Genius ! I should 've taken a picture of this ! The finger prick went well . . last year the lady squeezed the bejeesus out of my finger bc I guess she didn 't prick it hard enough and the lady this year got lots of blood right away . Maybe it 's because i 'm pumping more through my body this year ( thanks baby girl ) . Obviously , my waist size and my weight are going to be above average for someone of my height . This resulted in an over - exaggerated BMI . Obviously . They also told me that my LDL cholesterol is too high , my HDL is awesome and my triglycerides are great . Did you know , that pregnancy can increase your cholesterol levels ? I just found out yesterday after I googled it because last year my cholesterol was normal . Interesting stuff . It couldn 't possibly be all the ice cream i 've been eating . . . . . ha ! As I was waiting for my blood results to come back ( 2 minutes ) , the finger pricker lady asked me how far along I was . I said 5 months . She said , " wowww ! " and I said , " I know , right " and I don 't know if she was referencing my tummy size in a " woww you 're huge " sort of way or a " woww you don 't look 5 months " . . I 'm going to go with the former . Regardless , she also told me not to sit with my legs crossed . Not because it cuts off circulation but because crossing your legs over and over again can wrap the umbilical cord around the baby 's neck . I did not know this . And it 's absolutely false . I googled it . I guess it 's one of those pregnancy myths that people pass around as fact , like Mister Rogers ( of Mister Rogers neighborhood ) was a war veteran covered in tattoos which is why he wore sweaters all the time ( this is also false , thanks wikipedia ) . This morning I was taking my healthy survey ( that follows the screening ) we were asked lots of interesting questions to gauge how healthy we are , etc . Other then having to work on my cholesterol , I also need to work on the fact that I never get angry . I mean , I get annoyed , but rarely angry . I guess this is a bad thing . So i 'll be working on getting angry sometime soon . This survey also didn 't take pregnancy into account because at the end of it all , I needed to put goals to lowering my cholesterol and waist size . That should be easy when i 'm not pregnant anymore . . cholesterol will go down and so will my tummy ( eventually ) . Therefore my completion dates for these goals is in March . I just wanted a spot to write . . I 'm pregnant , so this is skewed . After what was the longest and most tiring work week of the entire year thus far the weekend was finally here . I ( luckily ) got off work a little after 2pm which was a relief . I was super tired and all the manual labor from the past couple days was taking a toll . I got to relax a little bit before we headed to York to close on the car . We bought a Honda Pilot . I will post a picture soon . So far , we love it . We don 't anticipate that changing anytime soon . It 's basically perfect for what we needed ( and wanted ) . Plus , Alex did a killer negotiating job and we got a great deal . ( Thanks Apple Honda ) Closing on said car took 2 hours . When we got back home , we immediately headed to the Barnstormers game with Matt because I had won tickets the week before . Unfortunately Britt was working and couldn 't join us . We left during the 7th inning or so due to sheer boredom and headed to the Cat 's Meow where she worked though to visit . Had a good time overall . Ate some yummy soft serve at the baseball game . . mmm . Saturday , Alex went to work at the farm and I headed up to my parents house to show them the car and hang out for a little while . ( I should 've been sanding the crib ) And when I got home , I took Alex over to the Nowaks for a Fantasy draft , where I returned later that evening to hang out / help Court put away the cutest nursery stuff ! What a learning experience . Babies get a lot of clothes at showers , ( duh ) but really . . a lot of clothes ! After all that , we got to check out Laurel 's Bachelorette photo shoot images which turned out really great . I 'll be sure to post a couple of my favorite on here once I get them from her ! Sunday we slept in nice and long . . Hurricane Irene had given us a slight pounding from 3pm on Saturday and was basically over when we awoke . The hardest rain / wind I thought was from about 11pm to 6am . I think Alex read his parents rain gauge at 4 inches . Anyway , back to Sunday . We had to get ready to head over to the farm for lunch , so we got moving . We got to check out a lot of Nick and Laurel 's honeymoon pictures from Hawaii which were beautiful . It looked like they had a great time . I was jealous and wanted to be back there again ( perhaps with the body I had in 2009 ) . We left around 3 : 30 to get ready to head to Hershey to meet up with Erin and David for dinner . We ate at Houlihan 's . It was yummy . Unfortunately , Nicole and Jimmy couldn 't make it but hopefully we 'll see them soon . It was nice to chat with Erin and David about the upcoming babies ( for both of us ) and get some perspective on daycare stuff . Erin has a wealth of knowledge since she works at a pre - school . We had a great time , I love the laid back feel of hanging out with them . When we returned home , we just relaxed before another work week starts . Today we find out the gender of the baby ! ! ! ! ! We 've been waiting 19 weeks for this ! I was sitting at my desk after joking with a coworker about something when my cubical started to shake . I asked Kyle if he was shaking my cube , he laughed and said no . But our cubes were shaking . It lasted about 5 full seconds . I could feel the ground beneath my feet moving . It all made me a little dizzy . We didn 't know at the time but we assumed it was an earthquake . The epicenter of the one two years ago wasn 't even a mile away and so we used our brains to make an assumption . Little did we know , the earthquake was a 5 . 8 in Virginia . Thank you facebook ( and cousins ) that broadcasted that and the US geological survey website confirmed it . We 've completely changed gears ( haha , get it ? ) and are now about 99 % sure that we 're going with the Honda Pilot . Yep , you read that correctly . . this was a car that wasn 't even on our original list ! ! Monday during work , Alex mentioned it . I said , I didn 't like it due to the serious boxiness and the fact that it looks like an elongated Ford Escape . BUT . . it does have a flip up 3rd row seat if we needed it , it comes with 4WD at a decent price , it comes with a tow package , the cargo space is frickin ' huge when that 3rd row seat is hidden , and it rides like a dream boat ( basically ) . We still have some time but if we get a price we are comfortable with , we might ride up to Harrisburg tonight to test drive it and maybe even ride home in it ( i don 't know if that 's possible , it depends on the dealer , as some don 't have the LX in stock ) . Anyway , in other news , we had our friends Matt and Britt over for dinner last night . We made turkey breast , baked garden potatoes and grilled garden zucchini and eggplant . Britt made delicious chocolate / pb special k squares which were awesome and we got to keep the leftovers ( woohoo ) . We had a really great night , the time just flew by ! Britt is a few weeks ahead of me ( pregnancy wise ) , so we always catch up on what 's going on with that . It 's really really nice to talk to someone who 's 3 weeks ahead ( or even behind ) because it 's nice to hear another person 's point of view ( that I 'm not reading about on the forums ) .
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" Hi Everyone ! My name is Promise , and I am a former sex addict . Well , I wouldn 't have really described myself as a sex addict … I thought I was in control of my sexual behaviour and habits . But , it 's obvious I didn 't have as much control as I thought I did . My sexcapades almost cost me my marriage to the most wonderful man I have ever known … " I stop to pull myself together . Ope is in the audience , cheering me on with his smile and a thumbs up . " I am married to Openiyi Olamisan , my angel . We 'll be married for two years in two weeks time . We 've decided to renew our vows , and you 're all invited to celebrate with us ! Apparently , I owe you deeply for the support you have given him over the last year . Thank you . " The audience applauds , and I smile . " I really don 't know where to begin to tell my story . I guess it all started with Uncle Bill . When I was nine years old , I stayed home one day from school , because I had fallen from the tree in our backyard and badly sprained my ankle . My mother 's elder brother , William , who I knew as Uncle Bill , stayed home with me . Instead of looking after me , he took advantage of me , and molested me . " What was worse was that he made me believe that that was love . He made me want him . He perverted me and made my desire for sex insatiable . Sometimes I think if he had been forceful , so that I had hated the experience , maybe I would have known I needed help ages ago . It would have been clear that it was rape , and evil , and I wouldn 't have craved his next assault . " By the time I was a teenager , sex meant nothing to me . Uncle Bill was not always around , and I still had needs . I remember the first time I had sex with someone else . It was my neighbour 's son . He was no where as experienced as William , and I felt nothing afterwards . I craved a more sadistic form of sex , and I never offered myself to him again . " Then one day , his father called me to his house and offered me chocolates and treats if I would give him a blow job . That was when I knew I could get something for what I was offering , even though I would have done it for free . I asked him for money instead , and he smiled at me and said that for the amount I requested , he wanted sex too . " From that time on , I always used sex to my advantage , and I couldn 't hold a platonic relationship with any man . If we were not having sex , and so he wasn 't doing anything for me , I had no interest nor business with him . Women came to know about me , and naturally , they hated me . I broke up countless marriages , not because I wanted the men , just because they wanted sex with me , and they had something I wanted . I never once lost sleep over the hurt I caused others . " Things changed when I met Ope . I actually made him my friend ! Someone had told me that he practised celibacy , and I thought it was the biggest joke ever . I sought him out and flirted with him , hoping to tempt him to succumb , but he never did . By then , I was used to talking to him and having him around , and so , I suddenly had a friend . I liked that I could be myself with him , and he was the only one I ever really opened up to and told about my past . " Even though I said I didn 't believe in God , I really admired that about Ope . I admired his faith , and how he lived true to it . I actually invited myself to his Church . I remember thinking if they were all like him , I might become a Christian . But people like Ope are truly one in a million ! " The Church thing didn 't work for me . I felt their judgmental stares , and heard their critical whispers and I even saw a few of my exes , or should I say clients , sitting in dignified seats . I thought the whole religion was a farce , and didn 't give much more thought to it . " So , to cut a long story short , I fell in love with Ope and discovered years later , that he loved me too . I wanted to be good enough for him , and so I changed my ways . I practised abstinence until marriage for him . But it was so so hard to not do what felt so natural , so normal … To not express my passionate love for him the only way I really knew how . " I fantasised a lot about our first time . But it wasn 't all I imagined , because my expectations were perverted . I knew nothing of sexual intimacy , only sexual intercourse , and I wasn 't ready to learn , because I thought I was an expert . An expert at sex , maybe , but a novice at making love . " I only just discovered the beauty of love making . I made love to my husband last week for the first time since we have been married . And my body responded to him like I was experiencing sex for the first time . " You see , I thought I was broken when my uncle assaulted me as a child , but I wasn 't truly broken until Tony . Whatever ideas I had about sex , whatever imaginations , he destroyed them and made me despise what I once loved . He broke and crushed my spirit , making me question everything I ever thought I knew , I was or I wanted . " Tony was the man I thought I wanted . He was sexy and attractive . He understood and fed my insatiable desire for sex , which I had elevated to the status of greatest need . I didn 't care that he didn 't know God , nor fear Him . I didn 't care that his character was questionable . He was like me , and he made me feel normal . With him , I felt I was really myself , but I was only indulging in a selfish fantasy . " The reality of the man I left my husband for was soon revealed . At the drop of a hat , at the slightest inconvenience to himself , Tony threw me to the dogs . He turned me into his sex slave , and made me serve an average of eight men a day , some days , as many as 12 . Men , who delighted in doing all manner of sadistic things to me , as though I wasn 't even human . That was the monster I left my husband for , because I foolishly traded love for sex . " I used to blame God for what happened to me as a child , and how my life turned out afterwards . I even blamed God for Tony 's abuse . But Tony and Uncle Bill made their own selfish decisions , just as I made my selfish decision to hurt my husband repeatedly . " I 've come to realise that it 's not God 's will that hurts us , it 's our 's . We choose evil . But the problem with evil is that you can 't choose the type or portion of evil you permit in your life . When you choose evil , you get the whole package and are exposed to the full potency of evil . God offers us the choice between life or death , but we keep choosing death , and make ourselves victims of evil . " The silver lining in my story was that someone loved me . Someone saw me , the real me . Someone believed in me . That someone was Ope , and he never gave up on me ! After everything I did to him and put him through , he still loved me and did good to me , and even came after me , when I ran away . " I used to tell him that I see Jesus in him , but you know , I really did see Jesus in him ! The day he came to me in Ibadan , when I first saw him , I was sure I was looking at Jesus … He … " Ope raises his hands and interrupts me . " Darling , the day you came back home , I was returning from a business trip to Abuja . I still have the ticket stub . " Ope said , looking around the room . Everyone was passing glances between me and Ope , probably trying to figure out if this was a prank . " Did he drive my car ? " " The door was opened . I remember thinking how lucky we were that no one had broken in . We didn 't use a key , " I gasped . How had I missed it ? " Oh my God . Oh my God . I 've seen Jesus … and I didn 't know . It was all so surreal . " " Is this a joke ? " The Facilitator asked , looking at me seriously . " You 're saying that Jesus came down from Heaven , and took you home to your husband , and then left ? Why should anyone believe that ? Maybe you were in a trance , or something ! " " Eh … So who was that then ? " Mama asked . " You know I have never seen your husband before , and you said that he was your husband ! " " Hello , " he said to my mother . " Are you Promise 's mother ? So you remember that she left Ibadan with a man , who she thought was her husband ? Okay . Thank you . " Ope was the first to laugh . I soon joined him in joyful laughter . GOD IS REAL ! My spirit was speaking wonders that began to escape my lips . I was speaking in tongues , praising God with everything in me . A lady began to sing . " God of wonders beyond our Galaxy … You are holy ! Holy ! The Universe declares Your Majesty … You are holy ! Holy ! " The atmosphere in the room changed and soon everyone was either singing or praying or speaking in tongues . Even the Facilitator was crying and praying . I am not much of a singer , and I didn 't know the song well , but when it came into my spirit , it was all I could do … And the audience carried me through like a choir , as we sang the simple verse again and again . Eventually , the atmosphere died down , leaving me in tears . Before I thought it was Ope who came for me , now I knew it was Jesus . I recalled the words He had spoken to me , they came flooding back to me . He had chosen me . I had nothing to offer Him , but I was enough . I had done my worst to Him , and He had forgiven me , and healed me . It was oh so personal , so real . Ope came to meet me on the stage and we hugged and cried in each other 's arms . I didn 't have any more to say , and I didn 't need to . We all knew what had happened . The lengths God would go to reveal Himself , undeniably to me … to us . As we journeyed home in Ope 's car together , I wondered why I hadn 't pieced it together earlier . Did I know at a particular level that He was not Ope , and just wanted to believe that it was Ope who came for me ? I turned to Ope and looked at him as he drove . " I was just thinking … It 's great that Jesus came for me . But it sucks a little that you didn 't , " I said cheekily . Ope laughed . " I wanted to come for you . When I got the notification that you withdrew money from Ibadan , I knew you had gone home and I wanted to come . But my spirit held me back . I just thought you were not ready . Now I see that He wanted the glory ! And what a testimony ! " " Yeah … I like how it happened . I was so shocked and thrilled when I found you at home waiting for me . It had been a secret prayer of mine … I hadn 't even asked God , just kept wishing and longing that you would come home . And he went and brought you for me … " He reached across and took my hand in his . " I think you needed to know that as much as I love you , God loves you more . He already showed you the greatest love possible , when He laid down His life on the Cross for you and me and all the world . He doesn 't want me to be your idol … I am only His vessel . And this was His plan from the beginning … from the moment I laid eyes on you . I knew , and could never tell you … because you wouldn 't have believed me . I just had to wait for God 's timing . " " I 'm glad you did , Baby . Thank you for waiting for me . Thank you for making this possible with your obedience and faithfulness . I love you , Ope . " Share Ufuomaee Youthful humanitarian and passionate change agent with a thirst for love and God … Follow me at blog . ufuomaee . org where I blog about everything from the perspective of Grace and Truth . Also follow my work at www . fairlifeafrica . org and see how you can support us ! Reply ↓ Ufuomaee Post authorNovember 17 , 2016 at 12 : 32 pm Thank God indeed ! The story concludes next week with an Epilogue . Don 't miss that . Reply ↓ Ufuomaee Post authorNovember 17 , 2016 at 2 : 44 pm Thanks Sire … The Lord is my strength . I hope to encourage my brethren to shine too … and for the world to see our loving witness and come into the Family of God ! Reply ↓ Ufuomaee Post authorNovember 17 , 2016 at 3 : 17 pm Hey guys , I hate to blow my trumpet , but I believe this is a very powerful message and story . If you really like this story … please HIT THE RECOMMEND ( or Like ) button ! Please ! ! ! Let more people see this and read and be blessed . And if you can , please share on social media too . Thank you ! Reply ↓ Ufuomaee Post authorNovember 17 , 2016 at 7 : 36 pm Thanks Game ! So blessed by your feedback . I don 't know if you are reading from your phone , but it is under the post , by the share buttons on the computer screen ( just above my bio ) . You will have to be signed in to recommend . I enjoyed reading the piece ( as fiction ) . I loved the part where she teased him about letting Jesus come for her and not him . I think it was oh so cute . And no , I wasn 't saying that Promise chose evil when she was abused as a child . Uncle Bill chose evil . And since we live in an evil and broken world , evil will inevitable visit us … But we also have a choice , most of the time . Promise realises that she had choices and she also chose evil . As you know , not all victims of abuse end up sex addicts … And for one given God 's grace to marry a man such as Ope , she was much more fortunate than she realised , yet she chose evil . I also don 't know if you are a man or a woman . I 'm guessing from your comment about the difference between sexual intercourse and love - making that you are a man … I think the difference is intimacy . Being married , I KNOW the difference between having intimate sexual activity with my husband and simply having sex with him . There is a world of difference . Maybe it is the same for the guy , but the difference can mean whether a woman is fulfilled sexually or not . About the Jesus fantasies … What 's holding you back ? I won 't deny I wrote this story to provoke such deep contemplation about the existence of God , and the love He showed us through Jesus Christ . It has been encouraging to read the responses from others who believe as I do . So , what 's your take , and why don 't you believe ? I don 't understand how you 'd accuse her of choosing evil when it 's very clear that her addiction Is an inherent consequence of her abuse as a child . She 's was damaged from her childhood hence her helplessness . This is like accusing a gunshot survivor ( shot on the leg ) of choosing to limp . Hell , he can 't help himself from limping just as Pronise can 't help herself from craving sex . Secondly , how can someone choose evil without knowing what the evil in the first place ? After all , the piece stated categorically that she was unaware of her addiction until after she met Ope . Bearing this in mind , we should be careful about exaggerations when trying to prove a point . Having a " high " sex drive does not always equal sex addiction just as consuming significant amounts of alcohol doesn 't equal alcohol addiction . On the flip side though , most people don 't know they 're addicts until someone gets hurt . What I 'm saying is that the piece doesn 't state , in a practical manner how she came to identify her addiction . That Ope didn 't like sex as much as she did , or that she cheated in marriage is not enough to brand her a sex addict . In other words , there are so many factors to consider before blaming the girl . I wouldn 't want to mention them so as not to derail Thisbe conversation but I hope you get my point . As for Sex vs Lovemaking , you mentioned intimacy and I wonder why . My dear , exposing your genitals ( and exchanging body fluids as the case may be ) is as intimate as it can ever get . Everyone would agree that there 's always some form of intimacy involved in every sexual experiences , even with heterosexuals and homosexuals alike . Maybe you could help me understand better by giving examples of " intimacy ( ies ) " exclusive to sex on the one hand , and lovemaking on the other . Could you also elaborate on what you might consider as " sexual fulfillment " as mentioned in your rebuttal ? … because that 's a relative concept . What might be sexually fulfilling to one person may not to another . Christianity , and religion in general , is as sensitive as it is broad . And it 's very hard for me to express my thoughts as well typing from a phone . It 's a most Herculean task . Maybe idea if it were a PC . Besides , we 're already engaged on one of your other Jesus fantasy write ups . We have a test of our character , during these times when evil visits us without warrant . When we become victims , it either breaks or makes us , but we still have choices , unless it kills us instantly . We can choose to forgive . We can choose to learn . Or we can choose to be bitter , angry and afraid . We can choose to pity ourselves the rest of our lives . I am no way judging Promise 's actions after her many years of child abuse … That 's a whole lot of conditioning . But it is VERY wrong to say she had no choice at all or that victims have no choice . What that does is further oppress victims who would like to use their own agency to rise above their pasts and show their abusers that they didn 't succeed in crushing them . Many victims have used their experiences to HELP others , to create awareness , to fight against injustices . And many others have used it as an excuse to continue to break others and propagate evil to the next generation . I am sure if asked , Uncle Bill might reveal that he was indeed abused as a child ! But did he have a choice about abusing his niece ? I think he did ! Such cop outs as " I had no choice " won 't stand before God who knows all and judges the hearts of all men . God knows at which point Promise chose evil . And I think , at the point that she pulled that awful stunt on her husband , it was clear to everyone that this was no longer a victim acting out , but someone acting in intentional wickedness . But for how long before that had Promise learned wickedness ? I 'll leave that for you to speculate . Please don 't come and say I am saying what I am not saying . I have shared a story , and my character has shared lessons , after coming to the knowledge of the truth . If you do not agree , that 's fine . But I am not standing as judge on any person who may have had a similar experience as Promise . Rather , this story shows them that there is hope , and that God loves them , no matter what has happened to them , and no matter what they have done … He still loves them and wants to heal and restore them . And that is the message I want everyone to take away from this . I think that is another cop out ! Do you know what love is ? Can you identify when someone is being loving ? When someone is being cruel ? At the point that we are able to discern between right and wrong , good and evil , which is an ability God has given to every human being , through our conscience , we are able to choose between life and death and WE DO CHOOSE ! Always . We choose to lie , we choose to tell the truth . We choose to run , we choose to fight . We choose to obey , we choose to disobey . But when we stand before God , we cannot tell him that it wasn 't clear … WE CANNOT LIE TO HIM . As we open our mouths , we will judge ourselves … Why don 't you read the story and understand what the story says , rather than presuming that I am ignorant and do not know the difference between an addiction and a high sex drive ? You said that I am intelligent ( at least you thought so and wrote it down somewhere … ) , so why don 't you speak with me as if I am ? Did Promise not say " I wouldn 't have considered myself a sex addict " ? So according to Promise 's former perspective , she was in control , and simply had a high sex drive … But she has realised that she wasn 't in control at all ! Is there a difference between high sex drive and a sexual addiction ? Of course . But the verdict is that this girl was so hung up over sex , she ran out on a very good man , and had spent her whole life unable to maintain a platonic relationship , because she was so obsessed with sex . Why don 't you open your mind and try to appreciate what I am saying , rather than seeing where you can make a point ? You don 't have to win them all . You don 't even have to be right . You are not under attack . The story is not about you or your sister ( I hope ! ) . True intimacy is more than PHYSICAL . Intimacy actually doesn 't begin with physical contact , but with emotional connection . There are many levels of intimacy , including spiritual intimacy . When you are intimate with your partner at every level , there is TRUST and VULNERABILITY that is beyond simply being naked and sexually weak for each other . I don 't know why you would struggle with this or need me to explain the difference . If you are content with the idea that sex is sex … I hope your wife will clue you up … if you are ever able to listen to a woman 's perspective . As you say sexual fulfilment is relative , you only need to be concerned about that of your spouse … so no need to dilly dally with this discussion any more . Christianity , and religion in general , is as sensitive as it is broad . And it 's very hard for me to express my thoughts as well typing from a phone . It 's a most Herculean task . Maybe idea if it were a PC . Besides , we 're already engaged on one of your other Jesus fantasy write ups . " After the special time you took to answer me on the other issues , you want to use convenience as your reason for not addressing your beliefs about Jesus ? This reads more like a major cop out . One big excuse , which is no excuse at all . And besides , you are the one who engaged me on " one of my other Jesus fantasy write - ups " . I neither called your attention to it , nor did I initiate the discussion . And the very interesting thing is that it is also about SEX ! It seems to be your major point of contention and concern . It 's really quite sad . No problem . I 'm sorry it 's not convenient for you to discuss matters that pertain to your salvation and eternity . I 'm sorry that you are only concerned about your sexual liberties . I 'm just sorry ! I don 't understand how you 'd accuse her of choosing evil when it 's very clear that her addiction Is an inherent consequence of her abuse as a child . She 's was damaged from her childhood hence her helplessness . This is like accusing a gunshot survivor ( shot on the leg ) of choosing to limp . Hell , he can 't help himself from limping just as Pronisw can 't help herself from craving sex . Secondly , how can someone choose evil without knowing what the evil is in the first place ? After all , the piece stated categorically that she was unaware of her addiction until after she met Ope . Bearing this in mind , we should be careful about exaggerations when trying to prove a point . Having a " high " sex drive does not always equal sex addiction just as consuming significant amounts of alcohol doesn 't equal alcohol addiction . On the flip side though , most people don 't know they 're addicts until someone gets hurt . What I 'm saying is that the piece doesn 't state , in a practical manner how she came to identify her addiction . That Ope didn 't like sex as much as she did , or that she cheated in marriage is not enough to brand her a sex addict . In other words , there are so many factors to consider before blaming the girl . I wouldn 't want to mention them so as not to derail Thisbe conversation but I hope you get my point . As for Sex vs Lovemaking , you mentioned intimacy and I wonder why . My dear , exposing your genitals ( and exchanging body fluids as the case may be ) is as intimate as it can ever get . Everyone would agree that there 's always some form of intimacy involved in every sexual experience , even with heterosexuals and homosexuals alike . Maybe you could help me understand better by giving examples of " intimacy ( ies ) " exclusive to sex on the one hand , and lovemaking on the other . Could you also elaborate on what you might consider as " sexual fulfillment " as mentioned in your rebuttal ? … because that 's a relative concept . What might be sexually fulfilling to one person may not to another . Christianity , and religion in general , is as sensitive as it is broad . And it 's very hard for me to express my thoughts as well typing from a phone . It 's a most Herculean task . Maybe idea if it were a PC . Besides , we 're already engaged on one of your other Jesus fantasy write ups . See you on the other side . Reply ↓ Unnecessary November 22 , 2016 at 10 : 29 pm @ ufuomaee wow wow wow ! ! ! ! I can 't seem to stop saying wow . I couldn 't even pause to comment on each part . Wow ! The depth of Christ 's love you describe makes me jealous of the characters . I want that ! Been telling Him all evening . I want to feel His love so tangibly surrounding me . Thank you for posting this . I look forward to the epilogue . BTW , what happened to Tony ? Reply ↓ Ufuomaee Post authorNovember 23 , 2016 at 1 : 35 am Nice one ! You are a speed reader ! I 'm glad to read about the impact it had on you … I was going for that and more …
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I 'm not bragging or anything , but Grim Richard gets a fair amount of e - mail and comments . True , most of this correspondence has the subject line " Four Inches in Six Months ! " , but that 's indicative of nothing in particular . The readers in Grim Richard 's life haven 't had anything to complain about ( wink ) if you know what I mean . Why ? Have you heard something ? Actually , some of our readers have commented about the frequency of my posts and apparently my wife agrees because after reading my last entry , she casually dropped this bomb : " You should write one of these every day . " She smiled when she said this . I believe she regards these posts as a kind of bilious gas that builds up and must be released - followed almost immediately by an apology . I patiently explained the method to my madness . " I used to post all the time . As I grow older , though , I 've realized that quality is more important than quantity . So , instead of doling out a daily dose of dreck that depends mostly on double entendre and fart jokes , I like to give my readers one solid column every week on Thursday . Whether they like it or not . Unless I 'm tired . " " They have no idea how lucky they are , " my wife said dryly . I am nothing , however , if not attentive . Commencing immediately , Grim Richard readers can subscribe to the Grim Richard notification service . Simply e - mail me at grimrichard @ grimrichard . com and I 'll make sure that you get an e - mail whenever a new post goes up . And don 't worry about being spammed . It requires a kind of dedication I 'm just not willing to give . Just ask my wife . So my wife and I decided to go on a date . This required a baby sitter because it 's against the law to leave young children at home unless they 're shepherded by someone wiser , more stable and more logical than the tots . Or you can pay a teenager . This is the route we chose and it was not an easy one . Any parent can tell you that babysitters are rare and hard to find - like unicorns or the Fountain of Youth . Actually , babysitters are even harder to find . You will actually stumble upon unicorns peeing in the Fountain of Youth before you find a teenager willing to accept a lot of money for watching television and occasionally yelling at the kids . Ironically , I do this every day for free . When I was a kid , great moving herds of babysitters used to cover the landscape . When my parents needed a babysitter , they merely stepped outside , waved our cable bill to prove we had HBO , and - BAM ! - they had three or four babysitters willing to take a dollar an hour to watch three kids . The babysitting herds have largely disappeared now . I blame global warming and Chik - Fil - A . We lucked out eventually and the daughter of a friend agreed to watch our kids . We picked the babysitter up and drove her to our house where she immediately began watching MTV . Our kids began jumping around , giddy as they pictured the amount of damage they were going to cause in the next few hours . Before we left , my wife and I took a few bittersweet moments to walk around the house and say goodbye to the personal belongings we cherished the most . Bridget and I paused on the threshold to kiss our children and ask one last question of this rare creature called the babysitter . She didn 't answer or even look away from the television . No doubt , like us , she was dreaming of a different time ; a time when there were only twenty channels on television and only parents were allowed to exploit the cheap labor of teenagers . I haven 't posted since Thanksgiving two weeks ago , but I have an excuse . I can neither button my pants nor bend in the middle like most human beings . I think this has something to do with the 27 pieces of pumpkin pie , but I 'm just guessing . I wouldn 't have eaten that much pumpkin pie normally . During the holidays , though , I think irrationally . When I see pumpkin pie , for instance , there 's always this little voice that says , " What if it 's another year before you get another chance to eat pumpkin pie ? If I successfully ignore that voice , another ups the ante by saying , " Anything could happen between now and next year . There could be pumpkin plague for all you know . What if you never get another chance to eat pumpkin pie ? " Which brings me to killer whales . In San Antonio recently , a killer whale at Sea World suddenly turned on his trainer and attacked him . Experts chimed in with various theories concerning hormones and - I 'm not kidding about this - killer whale sexuality . Apparently , this particular animal was " approaching his breeding age . " I 'd love to see this trainer 's My Space page . " I spend a large part of my day swimming in a pool with a horny killer whale . Before I get in , though , I like to put on a black wetsuit so that the animal can 't tell whether I 'm a human , a harbor seal or another , less dominant killer whale . While I 'm in the pool , I force him to perform tricks before I feed him . " Still , I have my own theory about this attack and it has little to do with sexuality and everything to do with the holidays . I can almost picture the trainer tentatively dipping his toe in the pool . I picture the killer whale across the pool nonchalantly performing flips and spins on cue . All the while , he 's thinking this : " What if I never get another chance to eat a trainer ? " Posted by Thanksgiving at my house typically involves a strict egalitarian division of labor . Basically , my wife cooks all day and I eat all of it . Many of you might consider this an unfair arrangement , pointing out that cooking food takes way more time than eating it . And that would true under normal circumstances . But when I say that it 's my job to eat " all of the food " , I 'm not exaggerating . I lack the mechanism that stops most people from eating food when their hunger is satiated . I also lack the mechanism that stops people from eating food when their hunger is satiated , their pants no longer fit and people are complaining about the smell . Thanksgiving usually ends with Bridget washing the dishes . I watch from the floor , where I 'm laid out like one of those snakes you see on the Discovery Channel - the ones that have a humongous bulge in the middle because they ate an egg whole without chewing . Common sense tells me that I need to exercise some self - control , but I find it 's much easier to blame my genetics or the fast food industry . I 'd sue someone , but there 's apple pie I haven 't finished . This year , my wife announced that she 's not cooking Thanksgiving dinner . Instead , we 're going to her aunt 's house to eat . We may also stop at a friend 's house and eat . This dismayed me at first , but then I realized that my wife had craftily combined aspects from two of my favorite holidays - giant dinners from Thanksgiving and the door - to - door freeloading of Halloween . My wife 's a genius . She 's invented Thanks - O - Ween . Recently , we came across a list of the 10 most dangerous foods to eat while driving . Like most modern television research , it eschewed the stupid parts of science i . e . clear methodologies , control groups , etc . and concentrated on the important stuff - like a title with the word " danger " in it . According to the study , these were the most dangerous foods to consume while driving , listed from most dangerous to least : coffee , hot soup , tacos , chili , hamburgers , barbecued food , fried chicken , jelly or crème - filled donuts , soft drinks and , finally , chocolate . Most news outlets were impressed by this study . Here at the Grim Richard Institute of Science , however , we use scientifically accepted methodologies to pull things out of our butt . This means that a few minutes of actual guess work can be almost alchemically transformed into hard science . Our list not only has 50 % more scary words in the title , it actually includes foods that are more dangerous . Thus , we give you our own list : The 10 Foods That Will KILL You Dead While You 're Driving 1 . Lobster - C ' mon . Coffee ? A person drawing butter , cracking shells and tying on a bib while driving is way more likely to die than someone just drinking coffee . 2 . Corn on the Cob - probably one of the most under - reported food accidents because " the cob " is usually thrown clear of the accident scene . The only sign that something food - related has occurred ? Innocent bystanders are found dead with little corn - shaped cob holders stuck in their heads . 3 . Fugu - Nearly 100 % of people who prepare Japanese blowfish and then eat it while driving die . It 's a fact . 4 . Beets - I 've been telling my mother for years how dangerous beets are . Now , I 've got official scientific proof . 5 . Caffeinated Soda ( with Pop Rocks and , uh , cyanide ) Okay , so we were reaching with that last one . Please remember , though , that actually listing 10 dangerous foods is less important than making the list short enough to be read quickly by Matt Lauer before the Today Show goes to commercial . BPosted by When I was young , the mothers of America regularly banded together and told children some amazingly stupid stuff . It 's true . Some of it was so stupid that I like to use it on my own kids just to see their reactions . This summer , for instance , I finally got to use this one at the water park : " Gabriel , " I yelled , " You just ate lunch . That means you have to wait 30 minutes before you go back in the water . " " Why ? " he yelled back . " Because your body can 't swim and digest at the same time . if you try it , all of your swimming muscles will cramp up and you 'll drown . " I still remember the incredulous look on his six year - old face . I 'll treasure it forever . This winter , I 'm hoping to try out the " If you go out in the cold with your hair wet , you 'll get pneumonia and die " thing . Did my mother - and all of the other moms in America - really believe that red M & Ms caused cancer or that sitting too close to the television caused blindness ? No , I say . When I look at ancient school photos of me and my brother dressed in identical sweater vests , I have to believe that the mothers of America were just cruelly toying with us . And they will not away with it . The other day my mom was visiting and Gabriel said this to me : " Nanny says that the waters around Bermuda have a giant electric triangle that sinks ships and planes . Is that true ? " " No , it 's not true , " I said , warily watching my mother in the next room . " Why would she lie , Dad ? " I looked at his inquisitive face . He clearly hungered for the truth . " Every person in the world , " I said , " is comprised of four special fluids called humors . Nanny 's humors are out of whack . " I look both ways before drawing him closer . " It 's because she watches too much " Matlock " on television . " A few days ago , I was fixing cable lines in a bucket truck . For those who don 't know , a bucket truck is one of those trucks with a big , hydraulic arm that lifts workers up to the top of utility poles . Cable repair people use bucket trucks to work on anything that 's higher than about 25 feet . When I was a five year - old kid , I used to see these trucks and think , " That is cool . " And you know what ? I was absolutely right . It is way cool . Sometimes I feel so cool in my hardhat and tool belt that I walk around the bucket truck really slow - like Ben Affleck 's character in the movie " Armageddon " . I try not to do too much of this because , frankly , slow motion walking looks stupid in real life . The only time the bucket truck is not amazingly cool is when it 's raining and windy - like it was a few days ago when my cell phone rang . I answered it and had this conversation with my wife : Me : What 's up ? Her : Hey , Sweetie . What are you doing ? Me : I 'm in the bucket truck , 40 feet up in the air . It 's raining and windy . What do you need ? Her : Nothing . Just wanted to tell you I love you . Me : Thank you . I love you , too . Can we talk later ? Her : Don 't you want to talk with me ? She sounds hurt and for a moment , there is total silence on the phone . I 'm irritated because there is absolutely nothing I want to talk about . I want to hang up . If this was " Armageddon " and I was Ben Affleck 's character , I 'd walk away in slow motion and just let stuff explode behind me . But then it occurs to me that Ben Affleck 's character in " Armageddon " isn 't real . Maybe I should make decisions about my wife based on something other than movie characters . Walking away from explosions is stupid in real life . " Of course , I want to talk to you , " I say into the phone . " So , what did you have for lunch ? " Real heroes , I think , run toward explosions . You know , like Keanu Reeves in " Speed " . Posted by I 'm giving up on the news . I 'm officially tired of it . What 's the point of reading about events that you can 't possibly effect or change ? Consider the the last presidential race , for instance . I 've spent hours telling people how they should vote with little or no results to show for it . Some people - I 'm not lying - even refused to tell me how they voted . I 've even tried to affect important new events directly but , to be honest , if Britney Spears takes out one more restraining order on me - she 's gonna lose her biggest fan . Po po zao , baby . Then it hit me . If I want to affect world events , I need more of the world 's events to be about me . I decided to start the world 's first newspaper dedicated solely to the coverage about me , Grim Richard . Halfway through writing my inaugural article , though , I realized that an entire newspaper would take forever to write each day - and to read . In the interest of my time - starved reader ( me ) and my time - starved writer ( me , again ) I 've decided to throw out the stories entirely and just publish the headlines - which , coincidentally , makes my newspaper exactly like CNN . Here 's the first issue of the Grim Richard Gazette , the newspaper I 've dedicated to covering me , meant to be read by one person , me : Movie Usher with Zits Calls Family Man " Sir " Man Suddenly Realizes He Is " Freakin ' Old " Studies Show Hamburger Helper Edible Without HamburgerTuna Helper - Not So MuchExplorer Accidentally Discovers Unexplainable Patch of HairDubs It " Tufts of McCready " After Fifth Grade Science TeacherMan Refuses to Give 110 % at Work " That 's Not Even Possible , " Grim Richard Testifies to BossBoss Predicts Possible Economic StrifeReports 110 % Chance of Grim Richard LayoffsMan Starts Newspaper About Self " All News is Local , " He Says . " Sometimes , Really , Really , Local " Okay , so that last one was me being kind of lazy . But with a readership of one , I think I can forgive me . They told me in school that math would be important in my daily life . So I studied geometry and algebra , but never once did teachers school me in the really important math - Kidonometry . Here 's a Kidonometry problem I solved the other day : " A four year - old and six year - old accelerate suddenly from the kitchen . You notice that the four year - old 's mouth is colored a brilliant blue . If you ask why the kid 's mouth is blue , the six year - old will double his rate of speed until he reaches his room . The four year - old will stop immediately and offer no help . If all behavior remains consistent , how long will it take you to find out what the four year - old has imbibed and , more importantly , how long should the recalcitrant kids spend without television ? " The answer is fairly easy . It will take you ( the parent ) two minutes of panicked yelling to discover that your kid has tried to drink one of those fake ice packs that you freeze and put in a cooler . It will take another minute to read the package to discover that the Ty - D - Bowl colored stuff is non - toxic . It will take another 20 minutes to discover that the four year - old did this asinine thing because his six year - old brother dared him to do it . Nevertheless , the correct answer to first part of the question is two minutes . As for how long the kids go without television , that 's a trick question . The time spent without television is directly proportional to how long it takes me ( the parent ) to catch them ( the sneaky bastards ) . There was a pop quiz this morning . " An hour and a half before work , you discover that a golf ball has been lodged in the drain of bathtub / shower . If x = golf ball , solve for " Who the hell did this ? " , " How the hell did they do it ? " and " How the hell can I get the ball out of the drain ? " For extra credit , calculate whether you 'll be late to work . This a tough one , because you have to work it in reverse . Yes , you 'll be late for work . A plunger is the correct tool for removing golf balls from tub drains and finally , it doesn 't matter who did it or how they did Grim Richard Lately , my wife and I have watched a few movie adaptations of Jane Austen books - " Emma " and " Pride and Prejudice " in particular . I feel comfortable with all four of my readers so I feel I can share something with you : I love Jane Austen stories . I giggle like a schoolgirl when I know one of the movies is coming on . Something about watching rich , unmarried , uptight people really resonates with me . Naturally , I don 't mention this love in public . Other guys just wouldn 't understand . But here 's the secret . All guys love Jane Austen . Guys love Jane Austen stories so much that HBO came up with " Deadwood " - which is exactly like a Jane Austen story but a little better because there are guns and Mr . Knightly is always calling Mr . Wickham a " c * & ks $ ck # r . " And he 's right . Wickham is a " c * & ks $ ck # r . " He married Elizabeth 's younger sister , Lydia , only because Mr . Darcy bribed him in order to prevent shame and humiliation from descending on the Bennett family . Secretly , Mr . Darcy loves Elizabeth . Ahem . I find , too , that adding some Jane Austen - like language to our daily life provides a little flavor to otherwise mundane conversations . The other day , for instance , I ran across my wife just as I left the bathroom . " It is my earnest endeavor , " I said , " to demean myself with grateful respect towards her ladyship . And in performing those rites and ceremonies of marriage caution the lady against premature passage through pernicious doors . " She looked at me for a moment . " Does that mean you stunk up the bathroom and I shouldn 't go in there ? " " Indeed , " I said . Jane Austen , rest easy . Grim Richard has your back . This is the deal that I have with my cell phone company . I give them money every month . In return , the company gives me spotty service and occasionally turns off my number for no reason whatsoever . Also , when I visit the company in person , the customer service people make me wait in an hour - long line . I apparently like this deal because I keep signing two year contracts . This arrangement was frustrating until I learned that there is a proper way to visit your cell phone store . There is a way to shorten the amount of time you wait in line and achieve some actual customer satisfaction . Simply put , you take a few ill - behaved kids with you . Me ? I just happen to have a couple of those laying around my house . Let 's say my cell phone has mysteriously stopped displaying numbers on the screen . The first thing I do is to feed my four year - old son and two year - old daughter cookies for breakfast . Then , when my wife is not watching , we play a quick game I like to call " Who Can Drink Daddy 's Coffee ? " Shortly after that , I let the kids watch " Ed , Edd and Eddy " because it puts them in the right frame of mind . Then we go to my cell phone store . We arrive early , but there 's still a line . That 's not a problem because my kids need time to . . . percolate . I take a number and sit down . I am 19th in line . " Hey , kids , " I say . " Who wants to go to the toy store after we 're through here ? " I look around and see all the women in the room smiling at me . They see a father lovingly guiding his two rambunctious young children . But they 're wrong . I have no real control over my children now . As far as my kids are concerned , I 'm just a giant talking wallet with set of car keys . Ironically , this is the exactly how my cell phone company views me . I once read an article about nano - technology . Scientists are working on building tiny , never - sleeping robots that can disassemble and reassemble things on a molecular level . My kids , when they 're bored , are exactly like that - only without the reassemble part . My kids start with signs at the front of the storPosted by Every now and then you see something that screams " innovation " . Every now and then you see something that smacks you in the head and demands that you bow to one knee because you are in the presence of genius . This is probably not one of those things . This will probably be merely interesting . Sort of . I refer , of course , to my new favorite commercial for my new favorite product - Head On . For those you haven 't seen the commercial , I 'll sum it up . The commercial shows only one thing , a woman applying what looks like a huge tube of lip balm to her forehead . While she does this , a spokeswoman says " Head On - apply directly to the forehead . " And , in case you miss the meaning , the makers of the commercial have helpfully added a big yellow arrow pointing roughly to the area of the woman 's forehead and the tube of stuff she 's applying there . And then , they repeat the clip . Here 's the mildly interesting part - never once does anyone make an actual claim about what Head On actually does . Is it for headaches ? I don 't know . Is it sunscreen ? I don 't know . In effect , this commercial is the purest commercial ever made . It says , " Hey , we 've got a product . Just buy it . " Grim Richard 's Irregulars has always strived for the same heights in mediocrity . The very title admits that sometimes I get around to posting , and sometimes I don 't . In fact , Grim Richard 's may be the only blog ever that has held a contest , reviewed entries and awarded a prize without ever getting around to publishing the results of that contest . In fact , I 'm not even sure if the winner knew why I sent him a package in the mail . Que Sera , Homeys . So apply this directly to your foreheads . I have been inspired to place an ad banner campaign for Grim Richard 's Irregulars ( maybe inspired is too strong a word . Maybe induced is better ) . But I don 't want the ads to send people running to our beloved site . I want our perspective readers to barely feel the urge to click on the ad banners and come to our site - a feeling that 's probably familiar to many of our readers . That 's righPosted by My 40th birthday is on the horizon . In honor of that auspicious occasion , my in - laws had a high definition television delivered to our house and set up in our loft room by professionals . I mention this for a couple of reasons . First , if you 've naively entered your in - laws in this year 's National Cool In - Laws Competition , I urge you to un - register them now . That contest has been won handily by my in - laws . Better luck next year . Second , I want to acknowledge that , since I work for a cable company , I probably should have gotten one of these new - fangled high def sets much earlier than this . Perhaps I didn 't because I 'm old and easily confused by the rapidly moving images , confound it . Let 's take MTV , for instance . Who is Kelis ? Why does she make such a good milkshake that all the boys come to her yard ? Just what is in those damn milkshakes ? I have no idea . All I know is that high definition television is hypnotic . My family and I spent an hour last night watching a PBS documentary on oil rigs . At least I think they were oil rigs . I didn 't really pay attention to what the narrators were saying , but I did see lots of beautiful red pipes and shiny oil . Oh , I noticed one other thing about the new high definition television . My two year - old daughter Riley wants to bust it . I see her edging closer to it every time I 'm out of the room . I see her flexing her tiny hands in anticipation of touching the fragile screen . I can see her mind wrestling with important questions . Will she , for instance , begin by smearing on a tomato - based sauce of some kind or perhaps lay out a base underpainting of natural skin oil ? I realize now why I didn 't get a high def television sooner . Posted by I watched my son Gabriel hack and struggle through the greeny goodness of his broccoli the other day . He took a few moments to explain his ground rules for the vegetable . " Mom says I have to eat the leaves , but I don 't have eat the whole tree . " And true to his word , he was busily deforesting his forest of broccoli , chewing off the soft little leaves which comprised maybe a quarter of each broccoli stalk and leaving the huge fallen trunks to be thrown away . In other words , my son only eats the part of the broccoli that I used to refer to as the " broccoli Afro " . I do not use this designation any more because it is potentially offensive and because I 'm terrified that one of my children will go to school and announce , " My dad says that I have to eat Afros because they 're good for me . " Parents have interesting phobias . I can 't blame Gabriel for being cautious about vegetables . It turns out that everyone in the world has vegetable nemesis . Mine is beets . Put a plate of those purple bastards in front of me and I 'll writhe and cry and possibly even throw up . And that 's just from seeing them . I am constantly amazed that the only food really , really healthful for us is the food that no one really , deep down , likes eating . While I considered this , I took Gabriel 's forest of half - eaten broccoli trees down off the table and put them in the dog 's dish . The dog came over for a second , sniffed the broccoli and gave me a look that said , " Sorry , dude , but I only eat the leaves . " It occurs to me that my dog will eat her own vomit , but she will not eat broccoli . When I was young and wouldn 't eat my beets , my grandmother used to talk about how much she liked vegetables , beets in particular . She was lying . Editor 's Note : For years , workers have suffered through the advice of pundits , over - achievers and corporate lackeys , some of whom have had only three or four jobs in their entire lives . Wouldn 't it be better to get career advice from someone with experience at literally thousands of jobs ? Baz Truman thinks so . Since the early 1980s , Baz Truman has been working at and getting fired from more jobs in a week than most people get fired from in a lifetime . Baz ' single - minded determination to excel at his career - no matter the cost - has gotten him fired from some of the world 's biggest and brightest companies . Look here for Baz Truman 's weekly career advice on matters ranging from sexual discrimination to Christmas parties . We hope you enjoy it . The Most Fired Man in AmericaBy Baz Truman Dear Baz : I 'm the female telemarketer and I 've become obsessed with one of co - workers . I think about him all the time and it 's begun to affect both my work and my happy marriage . Nothing has happened so far but that can 't last for long . What should I do ? Obsessed and Unhappy in Phoenix Dear Obsessed and Unhappy in Phoenix : You 're on the verge committing a colossal mistake that could potentially ruin your marriage and destroy your career , all for a few moments of pleasure with someone you probably have little in common with . You need to ask yourself a few important questions like , " Is it worth it ? " and , more importantly , " How can I get away with this ? " Your next step is to signal your feelings to your co - worker . I would shy away from e - mail . From my experience , people tend to over - react when they get a few thousand e - mails . Try to be creative . Nothing , for instance , says " I like you " like mysterious panties sent via interoffice mail . I 've also learned the hard way that mysterious new panties work better than mysterious old panties . And finally , be strong . Once you 've been fired and thrown out of your house , it 's easy to get pessimistic . Look on the bright side - you may be an adulterer but at Grim Richard My wife and I jog together now . We jog at night , partially because it 's cooler but also because the neighbors had a talk with my wife . I 'm not sure what my jogging Speedo has to do with neighborhood property values , but my wife assures me that there 's a link . We 're close enough to the beach to spend part of each run jogging there . As we pound down the sandy water line , I 'm surprised by a few things . I sweat a lot , for instance . And I mean A LOT . I sweat so much UNICEF should hire me to accompany Angelina Jolie to arid third world countries where I could just jog in a circle and sweat . Thirsty villagers could run behind me with earthen containers and catch the sweat and take it back to their families . I 've also noticed that despite giving birth to three babies , my wife is still hot - even while running . It reminds me of " Baywatch " - not seasons 10 and 11 where they decided to call it " Baywatch Hawaii " but more like the classic seasons 4 through 7 where you had Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth , both of whom were really good at , uh , running and being hot at the same time . I feel just like David Hasselhoff in " Baywatch " when my wife and I run ; I am entranced by the sight of beautiful , magnificent breasts bouncing in time to our cadence - until I realize that they are my big , beautiful breasts bouncing in time to my big , beautiful belly . And then I really feel like David Hasselhoff . It makes me hum the theme from " Baywatch " - not the official theme by Jimi Jamison , formerly of Survivor , but the original theme by Peter Cetera , formerly of the band Chicago . My family and I just got back from a vacation in Florida . Our five member family drove 14 hours in a Toyota Highlander each way . That 's right . Two adults spent 28 hours cramped into a small and eventually stinky place with three children under the age of seven - and actually preferred it to flying . I learned a few things . For instance , did you know it takes three kids only three hours to completely cover the tan fabric of a back seat with stains ? As a manager in the corporate world , I know that I could have given three adults three days to complete the same job and they would have finished maybe half of the seat . And would it ever occur to adults to smear orange Cheetos ' crap onto the seat belts ? I think not . Another interesting fact is that your wife can flip through radio stations and listen to Shakira 's " Hips Don 't Lie " song once every 26 miles ( on average ) during your 1 , 000 mile trip . That 's almost 38 . 5 Shakira experiences - well above the level recommended by the FDA . Finally , I learned that much entertainment can be gained by depriving your kids of anything to do on a long trip and then just listening to them amuse themselves . Six year - old Gabriel fills his time by playing a ruthless but strategic version of " I 've Got Your Nose " with his three year - old brother Julian . First , he pinches Julian 's nose between his thumb and forefinger , quickly mimes eating the nose and then announces : Gabriel : I 've got your nose , Julian . Julian : Give me back my nose ! And then comes the genius part : Gabriel : I can 't give your nose back . I 've eaten it , I 've digested it and now it 's poop . Do you want me to poop it and give it back to you ? Checkmate . Posted by I realized something today while I was at 7 - 11 . I collect receipts . I buy something and , no matter how small the cost , if the harried cashier offers me a receipt , I take it . If the harried cashier doesn 't offer me a receipt , I stand there ( adding to her , er , harriness ) until she does offer me a crisp white receipt . I 'm not sure why I do this . At the store , it makes complete sense to me . I 'm going to take this receipt home and put it in some sort of filing system so that I can access it at the end of year and use it for tax purposes . I feel really grown up when I think thoughts like this . And then I take that slip home , put it on top of this black armoire that we have and never , ever look at it or touch it again . At some point in time , someone ( possibly my wife ) does something ( possibly involving the garbage can ) and the area on the armoire is magically ready to accept new receipts . I make it a point to never ask myself questions about the filing system that doesn 't exist and the tax purposes that I don 't personally understand . Most importantly , I never ask where those receipts go . That would be like asking why Harry Potter uses owls instead of e - mail . It lacks imagination . Gas receipts , food receipts , magazine receipts . I 'm gonna keep on collecting them - and not just for myself . I keep putting them on the black armoire and someone keeps picking them up . What if that person looks forward to them ? What if that person has an actual filing system and actual tax purposes ? Who am I to deprive them of the receipts ? I feel really grown up when I think thoughts like this . Every Thursday , I pick up a box of donuts for my kids ' breakfast . As a family , we prefer the box o ' donuts to the bag o ' donuts . This is not because the box of donuts tastes better than the bag of donuts . In fact , I 'm not sure if the donuts taste good at all . I 've noticed , for instance , as we chomp down on the white powdered donuts , that the box ( and the bag , for that matter ) refer to the donuts as " powdered donuts " - and not " powdered sugar donuts . " I find it curious that the manufacturers don 't mention sugar , but my curiosity stops there . If that 's not sugar , I 'm not sure I want to know what it is . I also eat Cheez Whiz although I don 't know what " cheez " is and am reasonably sure that I won 't like hearing what " whiz " contains . We buy the box of donuts ( as opposed to the bag of donuts ) for one reason only : my kids think the box looks like a pirate treasure chest . As an American parent , I 'm naturally proud that my kids have already learned to consume products on the basis of packaging rather than actual quality . It 's nice to see that the Hummer truck commercials are having an effect . But I think there 's more to this . When I bring in the box of donuts on Thursday morning , my kids ' faces spark up and glow . The kids sometimes actually clap . It 's like the Publisher 's Clearinghouse van has pulled up to their house and instead of bringing a lame million dollar check , the announcer has brought something really cool - a chest full of doubloon - shaped donuts . While I watch my kids feast , I like to think about the fierce pirates of yore who must have plundered the seven seas and then converted their booty into donuts . I think about the bloodiest buccaneer of them all , who stalked the decks of his ship with the entire front of his body covered with something that looked like powdered sugar but tasted nothing like it . They called him Whitebeard . Longtime readers know that my family famously mangles the English language . That 's not meant to be self - deprecating in any way . We know some stunningly big damn words . We can sling polysyllabics ( see ? ) with the best of them . We just don 't find it necessary to use them in the correct context . I , for instance , famously used the word " penultimate " instead " paramount " many , many times until a woman I wanted to date stopped me in the middle of a crowded room and said , " You do realize that the word " penultimate " means " next to last " , don 't you ? It doesn 't mean " ultimate " or " paramount " . " " Wow , " I said . " So , if I described this as my paramount moment of embarrassment … " " Exactly , " she said . Ultimately , she and I did not go out . My aphasia seems to be genetic . My son Gabriel spent a week pointing towards our roof and mentioning the " plants on the alchemy " before I realized that he was talking about the plants on our balcony . Gabriel is also fond of announcing to everyone that he 's bored . Apparently , my younger son Julian felt that this would be an excellent arrow to add to his relatively new language quiver . Julian came downstairs this morning , put an apathetic look on his face and announced , " Dad , I 'm boring . " " You 're what ? " I asked , even though I had heard him clearly . " I 'm boring . " " You 're what ? ' " I 'm boring . " " You 're what ? " There 's nothing boring about that kid . He 's the exact opposite of boring - whatever that word is . Posted by We live near the beach , so the end of May is a time to perform sacred rituals . Pools are topped off , beach chairs are dusted off and barbecue grills are scrubbed roughly with stiff wire brushes . I have my own ritual . I wait for the first Saturday with a temperature that rises above 80 degrees . I peek out the windows until I see the street filled with the right mix of neighbors washing their cars and playing with their children . Then , with a jumble of confidence and trepidation , I march outside , doff my shirt and expose my white winter belly for the first time in the season . I believe my neighbors look forward to this annual event , the same way that other people anticipate Groundhog Day . I have no evidence of this , but I like to think it anyway . Later , before I 've achieved my inevitable Flounder look - fierce , bubbly red on my back and titanium white on my front - I 'll march down the neighborhood streets in shorts and flip flops . Children will gasp in amazement when they see legs so white that they look like movie star teeth . Summer , my friends , has officially begun . I 've been spending a great deal of time hitting golf balls at the driving range lately . It embarrasses me to even write that sentence , actually , because I 've never respected golf on any level . I 've dismissed televised golf as boring . I 've chided people who referred to golf as a sport . I 've unfairly adjudged golfers as well - off snobs with too much money . Then I played a round . I learned two things from that afternoon . First off , I really , truly suck at golf . Second , despite my nearly divine suckiness , I had to play again . This is difficult for me to admit , even to my friends . Remember that Kafka story where Gregor Samsa wakes up to discover he 's a cockroach ? I feel like that , but even worse . I feel like a Republican who wakes up and realizes he 's a Democratic cockroach - a gay , Democratic cockroach that lives in San Francisco . Actually , given the price of actually playing golf , it 's more like a gay , Democratic , San Franciscan cockroach waking up to discover he 's a Republican . Yeah . That about sums it up . While I 'm at the driving range , I watch other , more experienced golfers to improve my swing . Here 's what I 've learned : Before you swing , spend time selecting the proper club . This will help you forget that there 's only one other demographic that thinks that wearing a single glove is cool - and that 's the Michael Jackson demographic . After completely hosing a shot , look around to see if anyone saw your shot . If someone did , hold up your club vertically and examine it as if to say , " Who put this piece of crap in my hand ? ' If you think I 'm kidding about this last one , keep your eyes open the next time you 're at a driving range . Also , if you see a guy in a t - shirt and shorts desperately trying to pretend he 's not playing golf , say hello . That 's probably me . Posted by I got a nasty surprise while driving with my three kids this morning . Out of nowhere , Julian , the three - year old , busts out the question : " Dad , where do babies come from ? " Naturally , I was taken aback . Like most parents I assumed that television was teaching my kids about sex and I could avoid having this uncomfortable conversation . I mean , what 's the point of letting my small , impressionable children watch " The OC " , if it 's not going to be educational ? Once I got over the shock of hearing the question , I think I handled the situation with aplomb . First , I steered off the sidewalk and back onto the road . Not only was this , strictly speaking , the " legal " thing to do , but the screams of the pedestrians were making it hard to formulate a good answer to my son 's question . Inspiration hit me and without turning around ( because , strictly speaking , facing the rear while driving forward is not " legal " ) , I said this to Julian : " Julian , what 's your favorite dinosaur ? " In the rear - view mirror , I could see Julian doing something that can only be described as rebooting . I think I actually saw his eyes counting RAM . " I like raptors ! " he blurted out . " Me , too . " I said . We talked about dinosaurs for an hour , but the subject of babies did not come up again . I had lucked into an amazing , new child rearing method . Potentially , I could avoid the baby discussion indefinitely . I called Bridget to tell her about my amazing new breakthrough but she was not impressed . " It 's called the Dinosaur Button , " she said . " All males have it . " " That 's ridiculous , " I said . " What 's your favorite dinosaur ? " Nice try , " I laughed . " I 'm not a three year - old . " Bridget waited . " I like raptors ! " I blurted out . I don 't remember the rest of the conversation . Last week , we discussed my wife 's use of something called " Wife Fu " . Essentially , Wife Fu is a series of techniques designed to render men incapable of attracting other women when out of the wife 's visual range . Does your wife or significant other practice Wife Fu ? Take this test and find out : Does your wife encourage you to over - eat before you go out ? Think it 's a coincidence that chili night always falls on night you 're going out with the guys ? Before you have that fifth bowl , consider this ; studies show that only 20 % of unmarried women are attracted to men who look like they 're pregnant . That number drops to nearly zero if the guy with the swollen stomach is actually farting . Does your wife buy your clothes ? My dad once came to a family cookout wearing a tiny Garfield the Cat shirt stretched tight over his stomach . My brother and I knew instinctively that he did not buy that shirt . Poor , ignorant bastard . It made us want to grab him by his rainbow - colored suspenders and yell , " Wake up ! " Does your wife insist that you take the mini - van when you go out ? Forcing you to drive the mini - van is like forcing you to wear a second wedding ring - a 20 foot wedding ring . Look behind you . Is there a child 's car seat ? Congratulations , your " mac " game has been completely neutralized . Does your wife insist that you take your child with you when you go out ? I find this to be one of the toughest Wife Fu techniques to deal with . Some of the finer strip clubs simply won 't let you bring in a toddler . But this Wife Fu can backfire on your significant other if you actually seem to be a good father . This is called the " Baby Daddy " principle . It means that you can actually be in a strip club with your kid and , as long as you seem to like your kid , you will actually be attractive to women - because you 're a good father . I don 't make this stuff up , I just report it . Extra CreditDoes your wife insist that you take blood pressure medicine - even though you don 't have a heart problem ? Are you rich ? If so , thiPosted by So my friend Matt and I went to a movie the other night . While we waited for the movie to begin , we discussed the kind of things grown men usually discuss - quantum physics and Sharon Stone . My wife encourages me to hang out with Matt , who I 've known since I was a kid , for exactly this reason . Left to our own devices , we usually end up loudly discussing something like comic books or video games . My wife says that this effectively neuters me and diminishes the chances that other women might talk to me while I 'm out . This , in turn , prevents these women from seducing me and breaking up my marriage . And this is just one of the many techniques my wife employs in her combination of science and mysticism that I call Wife Fu . I 'd scoff , but I 'm just not getting seduced out there . It 's either Wife Fu or that fact that I 'm thirty - nine now , sporting some grey hair and regularly need to shave my ears . It 's gotta be the Wife Fu . Let 's get back to Sharon Stone and quantum physics . Some quantum theories posit that the universe is filled with infinite alternate realities where all possible outcomes occur . There is , for instance , another reality where I don 't have ear hair . There is yet another reality where I have the ear hair but don 't shave it . I call this the " Reingold Reality " in honor of an art teacher I had in junior high . It occurred to me the other night that if quantum theory is true , there is some reality where I actually saw " Basic Instinct 2 " - and liked it . Matt visibly shuddered and said something even more chilling . " If quantum theory is true , then there 's an alternate reality where you spend your entire life doing nothing but watching " Basic Instinct 2 " . While we walked , I swear I saw women actually repelled away from us , like positive particles fleeing the orbits of positive electrons . Next Week : The Top Signs That Your Wife is a Master of the Marital Arts of Wife Fu I went for my annual battery of medical physicals recently . It usually takes me about a month to cycle through all the various medical , dental and dermatological appointments . It 's an odd way to spend your time because these appointments usually consist of hours and hours of magazine reading punctuated by brief bursts where you have to get naked in front of strangers . And that 's just the dentist . I try to be positive about this process , but it 's not like the news is getting better . This year I learned that I have high cholesterol levels . This means that not only do I have to change my diet , but I have to acclimate to the new kinds of conversations I 'll be having . For example , there 's the conversation that I had with my mother . Mom : What are you having for dinner ? Me : Well , Bridget and the kids are having cheese quesadillas . Mom : Why aren 't you having cheese quesadillas ? Me : I 'm trying to watch my cholesterol . Cheese is bad for your cholesterol . Mom : You could always have a quesadilla without the cheese . Me : ? I believe I actually said " ? " , which I 've never done before . Then again , I 've never considered eating only the outside of a quesadilla - the " dilla " - before . Still , I have to ask , has my mother stumbled on to something ? Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers have been trying in vain to make tasty diet food by substituting new - fangled but bland ingredients for the unhealthy but deliciously dangerous ingredients . What if your line of diet food just left out the bad stuff completely ? I 'd write more about it , but I just ordered a Supreme pizza from Pizza hut - hold the meat , hold the cheese and hold the crust . I 'm paying $ 15 bucks for a layer of peppers , onions and olives in box . Yes , I 'm on a low cholesterol diet . But on the bright side , I still get to eat pizza . I think my mom may be a genius . di • dac • tic adj . 1 . Inclined to teach or moralize excessivelyI love to know stuff . I love knowing stuff so much that I went to school an extra four years just to know more stuff . I even have a special plaque on my wall just to let other people know I did go to school for those four extra years and because of that I have mad skillz when it comes to knowing stuff . You better recognize . My brother Roger has the same skills . Many times at parties , we 've discussed and debated a subject for hours , each of us elaborately offering up bits of stuff we know , until someone points out that a ) we 're both saying exactly the same thing , and b ) the party is over and everyone else has gone home . That 's how important knowing stuff is to me . At the moment , Bridget is recovering from surgery . Since she 's stuck on the couch , we decided it would be nice to make some snacks and watch the new King Kong movie with the kids . At about an hour into the movie , the cast of adventurers had just been captured by skull - wearing islanders when Gabriel asked me an unusual question : " Dad , why do Canadians hate us ? " Wow , I thought . What an odd question from a six year - old . It certainly deserved a thoughtful answer . " Gabriel , the Canadians don 't hate us . And we don 't hate them . In fact , Canada is one of our largest trading partners . " Bridget spoke up . " Gabriel isn 't interested in hearing about Canada , Richard . " Obviously , the pain medication was affecting her . Gabriel wouldn 't have asked about Canada if he wasn 't curious , so I continued . " Canadians are just a bitter than we have both the NFL and the NBA , while they only have hockey . Plus , there 's the infamous Alan Thicke incident . " " He doesn 't mean " Canadians " , Richard , " said Bridget . " He means " Cannibals . " " " Cannibals ? " I looked at the television where skull - wearing natives were industriously killing off the cast members of King Kong . " Oh , " I said and turned bright red . It seemed that the teacher had been taught a lesson . This was a turning point , aPosted by My grandmother has Alzheimer 's . I saw her recently at a get - together celebrating her fiftieth wedding anniversary . She looked exactly the same as I 've always remembered her , a short woman with the kind of silver , curled hair only weekly visits to the beauty parlor can give you . I think she called me Mike or some other name , but that didn 't bother me ; I knew what she meant . Usually , I avoid thinking about my grandmother 's illness . I have this feeling that I should be doing or saying something more . Until this morning , though , I had no idea what that might be . As I do almost every Thursday morning , I buckled all of the kids into the car and headed toward Gabriel 's school . We had twenty minutes to kill , so I decided to explore the old Thoroughgood neighborhood around the school . Our detour bothered Gabriel . The further we drove away from our established route , the more bothered he got . " Dad , we can 't be late for school , " he said . " Let 's go to the school like we 're supposed to . You 're getting us lost . " Gabriel was right , actually . We were lost at one point , but I didn 't tell him that . " We 're not lost , " I replied . " There 's more than one way to get there . " Sure enough , I eventually guessed at the correct turn and we threaded our way back to more familiar streets . We made it to the school with minutes to spare and Gabriel relaxed instantly when he saw the brick building . The second Gabriel relaxed , I thought of my grandmother and her fiftieth wedding anniversary . I wished I had taken Gabriel up to my grandmother and said : " Gabriel , this is my grandmother . Sometimes , she doesn 't remember me , but I remember her . She used to be a school teacher . When I was a kid , she told me that it was okay that I liked books more than I liked sports . She told me that being smart was way better than being popular . She told me one day I would do something important , right and good . She told me who I was , back when I didn 't even know . She doesn 't remember , but I remember enough for both of us . Grim Richard My wife is so serious about marriage and monogamy that we 've actually come to the following understanding : If she dies before I do , I am not allowed to re - marry . And it gets worse . Not only is re - marriage out of the question ; so is sex of any kind - for the rest of my life . " What happens in heaven if you get re - married ? " Bridget asks me . " Which wife would you be with ? " Bridget has given much thought to the issue , apparently . And now , so have I . " If it 's heaven , then I doubt I 'm married , " I say . This is both a really , really funny thing to say - and really , really the wrong thing to say to Bridget . Bridget woke up one morning recently and announced very seriously that she had dreamed that I had adulterous sex with Teri Hatcher from " Desperate Housewives . " My wife seemed to want an explanation . Whoah . A husband should not be held accountable for his wife 's dreams . More importantly , my wife is clearly having the dreams I 'm supposed to be having . This is amazingly unfair to me - and Teri ( We 're having dream sex , what do you want me to call her ? Ms . Hatcher ? ) . A week later , Bridget dreamed that I had sex with three female ghosts which , unfortunately , is only slightly less likely than me sleeping with Teri Hatcher . That same night , I think I dreamed about … onions . Again , this was unfair . But her dream did give me an idea . " Bridget , if you die before I do , I think I can promise not to re - marry or have sex with anyone else … " I said . " … on one condition . " " What 's the condition ? " she asked . " You have to have ghost sex with me . " Laugh all you want . We have a deal . Somewhere in California , Teri Hatcher is meeting with her therapist and saying , " I keep having these dreams that I 'm having sex with a strange man while his wife is watching . " " Do you recognize the man ? " asks the therapist . " No , " says Teri Hatcher . " But he smells like onions . " My wife is near insane with hypochondria - for my children . If six year old Gabriel develops a cough , I usually think , " Hmm . Gabriel 's getting a cold . " If my wife hears the same rough hacking , she automatically escalates the diagnosis to pneumonia or pleurisy . This is important because : Yesterday , Gabriel kneed his younger brother in the , ahem , testicles . I apologize for the bluntness . I know the official Southern Family rulebook demands that my family come up with cute euphemisms for body parts i . e . " kiki " , " tatas " , " cha chas " or my personal favorite , " tallywhacker . " I , however , enjoy the horrified look that neighbors get when one of my kids busts out the word " vagina " , so we stick with the classics . So , anyway … yesterday , accidentally or not , Gabriel hit three year old Julian way , way uncomfortably low in the stomach . Julian told his mother , " Mom , my testicles hurt . " I 'm sure it did . Heck , my testicles hurt just typing the sentence . But it 's one of those things that every boy learns the hard way . Bridget , though , was worried . First , she called me . When she couldn 't reach me , she did what any rational mother would do - she called her stepfather in Florida … . to ask about my son 's testicles . Now , whenever I 'm bored , I like to imagine that awkward conversation . This morning , though , my smugness was tested when Bridget rushed Julian over to me . She was frantic . " Julian says there 's something wrong with his penis . " " What 's wrong with it ? " I asked . Panic rose in me . What if Julian 's testicles had really been hurt yesterday ? What if , God help me , something was broken and I had just smugly blown it off ? " I don 't know what 's wrong with it . I can 't understand him , " she said . " What 's wrong , Julian ? " I asked . He said something about his penis , but I couldn 't hear it clearly . I leaned in closer . " Dad , my penis … " " Yes , Julian ? " And then he said , I swear to God … " Dad , my penis is big … . " Instantly , Bridget 's face went from anxiety Posted by Amazon 's got Grim Richard 's new book " The Book of Gabriel " . Can 't find it ? Go there directly by typing in www . bookofgabriel . com .
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After oversleeping this morning and rushing to get my three children fed , dressed and off to school , I stood outside on this crisp fall morning and remembered that today is special . Today I have three healthy , vibrant , loving children to feed , dress and get off to school . Today the sun is shining , my husband is off to work at a job he loves and I have my dad here on this Earth to wish a happy 65th birthday to . Two and a half years ago my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer . After his surgery we received the gut wrenching news that the cancer was not contained . It had spread to the surrounding tissue and lymph nodes and there was no cure , just treatment to prolong life . At that time all we could see was loss . Loss of health for our dad , loss of hope , loss of life . No more celebrations to be had with him , no more vacations , no more Sunday dinners , no more Daddy . All we felt was devastating loss . Today Dad is doing really well . He has the same diagnosis , but instead of seeing loss , he sees gain in each day God blesses him with . Every three months he goes to Sloan , with trepidation , for his bloodwork to see if the cancer is still being held at bay . And regardless of the results , he rides his Harley , drives his dream truck all over the country and plans his next vacation with my mom . He is living TODAY . As I look back on that time of utter despair , I am amazed at how God has turned my view of life around completely . Instead of robbing me of time with my father , he has gifted me time with him . As I shared in previous posts , my nephew 's 20 months of life came at the perfect time for all of us . For each day with Carter , unbenounced to us , was a GIFT ! God sent us a real life message to " number our days " . Not count the years ahead , not think about the what - if 's or the potential losses , but to be present in today and not miss a moment of it . For aren 't we all " terminal " ? Isn 't this life here on Earth just a gift , so temporary ; a breathe in eternity ? Bad days will come . Trials will weigh us down in utter despair , robbing us of the ability , at times , to see the life in front of us . But praise be to God that He continues to hold us tight , carry us through those times and teach us , when we seek Him , to enjoy the days of our life and gain invaluable wisdom along the way . Don 't lose today seeing the loss in front of you , but rather , see life . See the beauty , whether it be sunshine , a child 's laughter , your health , employment , or candles on a cake . Make your prayer today one that slows you down and helps you to celebrate today ! Three days before my husband was scheduled to leave for Ohio to start his new job , he got a call from a well - known , high - end fashion retail company in NYC . He had interviewed with them six months prior and made an excellent impression and good connections , but the position they were hiring for at the time was not the right fit . But the position they were hiring for this time was exactly right for him . With a new - found confidence of a man with a job , he told them that he accepted a position in the Midwest and was leaving for Ohio in a few days . He could phone interview , but that would be about it . A few hours after speaking with him , the recruiter called him back and said that the hiring manager really wanted to meet him and asked if there was any way to make that happen . When she called , my husband was in the car on his way into NYC to meet up with his band buddies to say good - bye , so he told them that if they were willing to overlook his appearance , he could come that day . So , there he was , in the offices of this premier fashion company in NYC in cargo shorts , a t - shirt and a scruffy , unshaven face . Every interview he had been on with various companies to this point my husband meticulously picked out his outfit , carefully groomed and prepped himself for the conversations . There was no time for that ; he came as he was , with all he had to offer in his personality , experience and intellect . And yet , this was the interview that was exactly right . He left there feeling great because despite what happened , he already had a job ! So off to Ohio he went , following God 's lead , accepting the path paved before him and in a sense , walking on water as Peter did in the book of Matthew . He knew that the waters were not all calm , yet he knew that that was where he was being commanded to go . If any of you have ever been in the position of looking for work while currently unemployed , you know the feeling of sheer desperation . Even though the hiring company needs you , you need them more . Every day feels like an eternity as you sit and wait , at their mercy , for something , anything , to give you even a glimmer of hope , or at least allow you to move past this potential and the mind games that occur all while " what if ' ing " everything . It is a miserable web to be caught in , and no matter how hard you try , it seems you cannot escape its grasp . Yet you cling to God 's lead , desperately holding onto your faith in knowing God is leading , and you keep trudging forward . Throughout the fifteen months that my husband fervently looked for a job , he wrestled with so many ugly emotions ; fear , anger , doubt , rage , envy , despair . There were days , weeks , months when he would hit a low , so lost in this endless cycle of ups and downs , highs and lows and constant uncertainty . As his wife I hated seeing him so broken and filled with such emotions . I desperately clung to my faith and with God 's help , kept my eyes on Him , reminding myself that we would be okay . Even when he accepted the position in Ohio we were filled with fear , but we knew that we needed to follow God 's lead , despite the stormy waters or the unknowns in front of us . John Ortberg says , in his book If You Want to Walk on Water , You Have to Get Out of the Boat , " The choice to follow Jesus - the choice to grow - is the choice for the constant recurrence of fear . You 've got to get out of the boat a little every day . " By now you are probably wondering where this story is going , so I will cut to the chase . On August 1st my husband started his second new position of the summer , in NYC , doing exactly what he wants to be doing in his career . They continued to pursue him and interview him while he was working in Ohio and again , he continued to allow God to lead and trust that no matter what , we would end up where He ultimately wanted us . I am still in awe and have not quite absorbed all that has happened in the past few weeks , and am filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the opportunity to really grow that God has provided us with . The Lord has blessed us tenfold over the past year and a half . Throughout this trial we have learned to truly wait on the Lord and know what it is to trust Him . John Ortberg says , " We have to wait on the Lord to receive power to walk on the water . We have to wait for the Lord to make the storm disappear . In some ways , ' waiting on the Lord ' is the hardest part of trusting . It is not the same as ' waiting around . ' It is putting yourself with utter vulnerability in his hands . " Waiting really is the hardest part . But like every storm , it too shall pass . It is the fight to strengthen ourselves in that storm instead of get sucked in and drown that is the real battle . But oh , what a battle it is worth fighting for growth is priceless . Thank you , God , for revealing yourself to me , over and over . For never letting go , for carrying us through when we could not carry ourselves . Thank you for teaching us how to trust in you and for growing and deepening our understanding of You and our faith . Thank you for leading us to exactly where you want us right now . Please do not ever let us stop growing . Posted by I remember the day all too well in March of 2011 , when my husband received notice from work that his position was being eliminated . For months there had been talk of cut backs and re - organizing roles , but he was assured by his boss and others not to worry , that he was most likely " safe " . Little did his boss know that she , along with thirty others , were on the list to be cut , as well . Dante and I just sat , looking at each other , in such shock . People all around us had been falling victim to our declining economy . Why were we any more protected than anyone else ? Yet , as humans , we live with an ignorance that we are more protected somehow . That " that " ( whatever " that " might be ) won 't happen to us . So when it did , we were frozen in shock . I remember quickly figuring out how long we could float financially and feeling a sense of relief that we could make it the rest of the year . Never did I think we would have to stretch and stretch the way we have , for again , ignorance is bliss and " that " couldn 't possibly happen to us . Dante sat wrestling with the beginnings of emotions that were provoked by the elimination of a position that defined him for so long . He was the provider for our family ; his paycheck represented his role as a husband , father , and bread winner . The recognition he received at work validated his intelligence . With that one notice that was all stripped away from him . As his wife , I battled with the guilt of not bringing in a paycheck . I stepped away from my career as a teacher to stay home with our three young children , as well as support Dante in the advancement of his career , absorbing many of the household duties and chores . I loved our life and the balance that we had created . This notice threatened that balance as well , and stole from me what I ideally wanted for my family . A year later , I sit here so grateful for God 's amazing hand in my life . If my husband had not been laid off from his job , I would not have discovered just how strong my God created me to be . I would not have dug as deep as I have toPosted by I have been thinking a lot about what hope actually means and how to integrate it into my life . A month ago my youngest sister 's 20 month old son unexpectedly passed away while taking a nap . Carter had contracted a rare virus at 6 days of age that caused global brain damage . The doctors , at the time , offered little to no hope that Carter would even live , let alone live a life with any value . At the time , while that little baby was still in PICU and on life support , they suggested to my sister and brother - in - law that they take him off of life support , extinguishing any and all hope for Carter . Matt and Emily prayed that God make that decision for them , for that was not a decision they could ever make on their own . Within two days Carter miraculously started to show signs of improvement ; hope of life ! He came off life support ON HIS OWN ! At that point , the doctors still offered little hope that he would ever eat without a feeding tube , breathe without oxygen , see or hear . Again , within days Carter proved them all wrong as we all prayed that God define Carter 's life , not man . For 20 months Carter defied all expectations for life set by doctors and specialists . He nursed again at 2 month , came off a feeding tube and ate baby food with a spoon , laughed , smiled , picked up his head , rolled and lived a life filled with joy . It was a life lived without expectation , just plain hope . God defined the parameters of Carter 's life , not man . And through this little boy , we all began to see God Himself . In Matthew 18 : 3 Jesus says , " I tell you the truth , unless you change and become like little children , you will never enter the kingdom of heaven . " For the first time in my life , I understood what Jesus meant by this . Life is not to be lived with expectations set by us , parameters drawn by man , but lived as a child . A child filled with pure joy , accepting all that comes their way with open hearts and minds . As I watch my own children grieve Carter 's death , I am in awe . They do not carry the heavy burden of expectations for life thaI am still processing all that I have learned from Carter 's 20 months of life . I think the lessons will continue to come , and with each one , I receive a deeper understanding of what hope really means . There is one lesson that I learned very early on in Carter 's life . The day we all gathered in his little PICU room in August 2010 and prayed that God make the decision for us , hope entered that room . I experienced , for the first time in my life , the peace that surpasses all understanding as I placed my hope in Christ alone . I would like to share with you something that I wrote on the long plane - ride back from CA a few weeks ago , as we brought my sister and her little family back to the East coast for Carter 's funeral and memorial . The word " hope " was resonating with me so loudly that I pulled out my I Pad and wrote what was on my mind and heart . The word hope alone resonates with such assurances and comfort . But when it is all you have left to cling to , it becomes a life ring , so difficult to hold onto as the waves keep crashing down , loosening your grip , knocking you under , leaving you gasping for air . You cling to the ring with faith that it will keep you afloat , for what other choice do you have ? Yet exhaustion seeps in , over and over . When will the storms calm , the waters still and the rescue come ? You cry out for help , over and over , trying to believe you are heard by the One who sees all , the One who is our Hope . In no way can I say that keeping my Hope alive is easy . It is quite the opposite . My faith is often one of the hardest choices I make each and every day . In the eye of the storms of this life , as I gasp for air and feel my life ring slipping away , it is then that my Lord tightens His grip , gently securing me in Hope ; Hope that I am never alone , that He will not fore - sake me , that despite the value I place in the things of this world , I am not OF this world . He reminds me that HE is all I need and that in His grip I will not drown . He quenches my thirst with His peace that surpasses all understanding , just as I feel dehydration sinking in . He brings laughter just as the tears begin to flood my vision . He brings joy in the present , allowing the weight of the past and future to escape me for that moment . He is my Hope . The One who can calm the raging seas around me , keeping me safe , in His arms , safe and afloat . Oh my Lord , tighten Your grasp , keep me secure in the life ring , carry me through these storms . Grow me my Lord . Make me your servant , strengthen my faith , keep my Hope alive . Amen . It was Carter 's passing that finally pushed me to start this blog , a blog I had been talking about writing for a long time . Too many of us wander this life without hope , without knowing where to place our hope . This is my attempt to share with you where that hope can be found , in Jesus Christ alone . I am praying for all of you who read this . Please share my blog and share with me your stories and HOPE . Jesus said , " I am the Way the Truth and the life ; no man cometh unto the Father , but by me . " John 14 : 6 Anyone who knows me well , knows that being STILL is not in my character . I can hardly sit for 5 minutes without my leg starting to anxiously bounce . Recently my four year old excitedly said to me , " Mommy , look , I can bounce my leg just like you do ! " Great . . . just what I wanted my daughter to notice and then model ! It 's funny how God repeatedly hones in on our weaknesses , bringing opportunity after opportunity to break us of what haunts us the most . Actually , I just said that " it 's funny " . When I am in the midst of one of His attempts to break me of my inability to be still and know He is my God ; to relinquish control , trust Him and cast all of my anxieties and fears upon Him , the last thing I find is humor in it . Looking back on those times I can laugh , for it never ceases to amaze me at how my Creator really does know me inside and out , so perfectly ! I will focus on those times because looking back gives me strength to trust in the trials of today . As I mentioned in my previous post , I am a control freak . I would much rather try and figure out how to do something myself than let anyone do it for me . I want all of the control , whether that be in the little things ( like my obsession with doing the laundry " my way " ) or the big things like my health , children , or relationships . Control is my nemesis . We have a love - hate relationship . Control keeps me from being still . Ever . Yet my God keeps on working on me . And I know that is out of love for His child . Out of hating to see those chains that constrict me from being all that I can be in this world . He is answering my prayers when I cry out to Him to release me from my anxieties and fears . He whispers to me , and often shouts to me , " Be still and know I am God . " Twelve years ago I had my first ' breaking ' when I decided it was time to have a child . I had suffered from stage 4 endometriosis from the age of 20 , having had two surgeries and four years of Lupron shots . So it came as no surprise to anyone ( but me , of course ) that my cycles were irregular and pregnancy just was not happening without extra assistance . This drove me insane . I obsessively read every thing I could find online about getting pregnant . If there was a supplement out there , or a fertility diet to be followed , an acupuncturist or chiropractor insisting they could help , I did it . No baby . My first IVF cycle I was an anxious mess . Even on the day of transfer I was far from relaxed . I remember the doctor actually saying to me , " Relax and just be still . " I laid there willing that embryo to stick , listening to my crazy meditation CD where you visualize pregnancy and talk to the embryo . I was far from still ; far from turning it over to God . I WAS IN CONTROL ! Or so I thought . Well , that cycle failed . Looking back , I can see why . First off , what would I have learned from that if I had gotten pregnant when I dictated it to happen ? ! I would have catapulted myself into a pregnancy with my attitude that I could control it all . Weight gain , bleeding , stretch marks , labor , you name it . God , He had other plans . " . . . . plans to prosper ( me ) and not to harm ( me ) , plans to give ( me ) hope and a future . " Jeremiah 29 : 11 9 and a half years ago I had my first tangible experience with God stilling my soul and allowing me to cast my anxieties upon Him and relinquish control . I went through that IVF cycle with a peace that I had never experienced . To this day God was not only answering my prayers , but the prayers of many others , for that was not ME that brought the peace , that 's for sure . I stayed off the internet that entire cycle and prayed every day as I got ready for work , had injections and blood - work and all else that my day would entail . I can still remember sitting in my little bathroom , blow drying my hair , reading a devotional a friend had given me and marveling at how odd this feeling was ; peace . It was foreign to me and I questioned whether or not I was loosing my mind . It was so more familiar to me to be anxious all of the time , to busy myself with controlling my life , than to just " let go and let God . " I did get pregnant that cycle . And if I hadn 't , I actually think I would have been okay with it , because throughout the entire thing , right up until the day of my pregnancy test , I was at peace with allowing it to be in God 's hands . Actually , both my eldest daughter and my son are of that cycle . Baby number two was my frozen embryo that we conceived two years later ( yes , technically speaking , my kids are twins as far as modern science is concerned ! ) . I wish I could say that from that cycle on , I have been peacefully turning IT ALL over to God . That I have now mastered " Be [ ing ] still and know [ ing ] that I am God . " Psalm 46 : 10 . The breaking and making from my Lord has occurred again and again since then . Sometimes in small ways , like with colic - ally children , broken furnaces , and viruses ruining plans . And other times , with much more pain and angst entering my world ; cancer , loss , death , unemployment . Currently , as I write , my husband has been unemployed for a year . I NEVER thought I would be here , a year later , having more days where I am still than anxious . I started off this journey a year ago having full blown panic attaWith that said , I will now go do my workout , spend the day cleaning out my mother - in - law 's house in preparation for her move ( for my abilities to NOT be still and move with some maniac speed have been called upon ) , cook and clean for a party at my home tomorrow night , do 5 + loads of laundry and pass out at some ridiculous hour , I am sure ! But through it all , my soul will remain still today . Posted by Barring really horrific weather , every Sunday morning , after I get my kids ' breakfast made and clothes laid out for church , I run . I run not for the miles or the exercise , although a few hundred calories burned always balances out my weekend indulgences ( at least I tell myself that ) , but I run for the sanity . I run to clear my head , to think and pray . I run to cry , laugh , blast music on my I Pod or be silent and just listen . Some mornings I do all of the talking to God , or just to myself . Other days I just absorb the world around me , marveling at how God 's beauty is everywhere , ever so perfectly changing with the seasons . I wasn 't always this type of a runner . I picked up running again after my third child was born out of a mere desire to loose the baby weight . I hated every step I took , loathing the burn in my legs and lungs . I used to tell myself that I could not do more than 2 miles without stopping , and ONLY on a treadmill . Then 2 miles became a 5K and it was within my comfort zone , so I pushed it a little further . My runner friends pulled me ( literally ! ) off of the treadmill that I had become so accustomed to and dragged me along with them outside on longer runs . I would whine and tell them I just wasn 't cut out to run . I hated it . My knees hurt . I couldn 't do it . They would just laugh and tell me to trust them , I could do it . They would bring me on runs where we would get lost in conversation , moaning to each other that we couldn 't make it back to our starting point yet knowing we had no choice , so together we would make it , cheering each other on . Every time I made it another mile without stopping , I silently cried with joy , in awe at what my body could do . Could it be possible that I was becoming a runner ? ! Was trusting in a training schedule all you really needed to do ; that and a good pair of running sneakers ? ! Two years ago I ran my first half marathon . Yup , the same woman who said I could not run 2 miles without stopping and was NOT a runner . Hated it . Knees hurt . Couldn 't do it . Ironically , as I lookAnyway , back to the year God started training me for life . That Christmas season mom 's depression had gotten so out of control that we decided , as a family , that we had no choice but to check her into a hospital , for the first time . Anyone who has ever had to face depression on this level knows how ugly and gruesome it is , whether you are the one caught in its ugly grip or the one watching someone you love suffer in its hideous chains . My mom just seemed so broken , and with that , I felt so broken ; our family was broken . It was right about that time that my running started to shift and settle for me . I started to wake up craving a run , needing the physical and emotional outlet , wanting to tie my running shoes and see just what I could accomplish on the pavement that day . I started to talk to God on my runs . My prayers were not just confined to words lifted up as I drifted off to sleep or blessings said with my own little family before meals . He started to call to me and meet me on that pavement that spring , placing a longing within me to get out and run . That spring , as I trained for my first half marathon , slowly my body began to endure the miles , my lungs and legs could take me further and faster and I was DOING IT ! I will never forget the day that I went to go for a run one Sunday ( back then more because it was just one of the days I could schedule in the miles ) when I found my I Pod dead . I panicked . I couldn 't run . I couldn 't do it without music ! Eminem , Black Eyed Peas , JZ . . . . they all fueled my body and made me run ! I sat there , unsure of what to do . Something ( Someone ! ) whispered to me to get my shoes on and just go . I told myself that I would just do a few miles and then come home . In the silence I had no idea what to do ; I could not " Be still " ! But just as I was about to turn around , I started praying . I started talking to God in a way that I never really had before . And when I was out of words , I was silent . I listened and looked around at what surrounded me . I had never really noticed how pretty my little corner of the world is , how blessed I was to have such a gorgeous trail to run on right by my home ! I ran 8 miles that day . With no music . Yup , same woman who had told herself that she could not do it . I started , just started to think that maybe , just maybe I was not broken and that everything was going to be okay . Mom was coming out of her depression . We had endured it . That alone drove my feet to move . The day that I ran without music strengthened me . If I could run outside of the comfort zone I had created , I could cross that finish line come May . I was in training and I was enduring . Something had shifted in my world , and the first trial of many over the past few years shook me just enough to start to see , feel and hear God , even if it was just with my running shoes on . I know you are all wondering where I am going with this . In my head I see all of the connections between the events in my life , all leading me to sit here and write this blog , tell my little story and share how the Lord has created an endurance in me that far exceeds my ability to run miles . But the story cannot be told in one sitting . For I am still in training . Training for life . Training for a Christ - filled life . Two years ago I was not where I am today and God , I pray I am so much further along in my endurance and strength for life every year that passes . You see , I didn 't realize that year that I started my first half marathon training that God would start to break me in order to make me the woman He wanted me to be . That He would meet me on those running trails and shift me into a life where I would let go of control , little by little , and trust the process of training ; let go of the " I can 't " 's that I so comfortably would spew out when I really didn 't want to push myself or endure . Running has become the perfect analogy for me in my relationship with Christ . Today , I crave my runs just like I crave time alone with God . I have confidence in my ability to put on a pair of sneakers and run anywhere , in any kind of weather , in the same way that I have confidence in God 's presence in my life . I get cranky when it has been too long between mind - clearing runs , and get cranky when it has been too long between my time spent with the Lord . Don 't get me wrong . I have yet to run more than a half marathon and I still have the voice telling me " I can 't " , just the same as I have many , many days when life is just downright ugly and hard and the same voice says , " I can 't " . I have days when I do not feel the energy I need to get out and run , and days when I do not have the energy to even meet up with God . But I am stronger . I can endure , and I will endure . I just have to train and trust that with each day , with each run , I am one step closer to crossing that finish line with ease . I just have to put on my running shoes and hit the pavement and God will take care of the rest . I make the choice ; I will endure . I am doing it , finally . Blogging . Putting my thoughts and words " out there " for more to read other than my very close friends and family . I don 't know whether I should thank my cheer team , who have not ceased to encourage me to WRITE , or curse them . But more than those telling me to get this going already , I cannot deny God 's nudges , whispers , and SHOUTS to put it all out there ; let the world know who I am and what drives , fuels and sustains me . For those of you who don 't know me , I look forward to getting to know you through this odd cyber world that defines so many relationships in this modern age . For those of you who do , well , you already know that I am an all over the place , passionate , sometimes scatter - brained , laugh one minute , cry the next type of a gal , so you will follow along with this blog and get some extra insight into those crazy ups and downs of the life of Jen ! And hey , you were the ones who told me to do this in the first place , so here we go ! Life is not easy . It is downright painful at times . In the past few years I have had more moments when I want to RUN away , yet I never could figure out where to run to , so instead I stick around and keep on keeping on . In doing that , I have discovered a depth to life that I never thought I could experience . I feel more than I have ever felt . With intense sadness also comes intense joy , yet it takes seeking that joy out . Trusting in the promises God has made to reveal our joy in Him . Trusting that the tears will pass and laughter will come . Trusting that my soul will grow through it all . For tonight , I will end there . My stories to share will piece it all together , one at a time . And thrown in , you may even get some random recipes , crafting or gardening tips . It 's what us girls do ; tell our stories , share our secrets , cry together and laugh together , making this life a little easier to bear and enjoy . Praise God for it all .
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Here 's an Opening Day baseball story from 60 years ago . You may have already heard it - people have written about it through the years - but it 's also possible you have not . In any case , I 'll write it like it 's brand new . Because … Opening Day . There was a little story I kept bumping into from in my journey back to the summer of 1954 . It was about a man named Neil Haney . It seems that one day back in ' 53 , while playing on a municipal golf course in Marysville , Michigan , he hit his tee shot on the par - 3 seventh hole within a half - inch of the cup . After groaning about his near miss , he watched his partner hit a shot on precisely the same line . " That looks really good ! " Haney yelled or something of the sort . The partner 's ball landed on the green , rolled toward the cup , hit Neal Haney 's ball and knocked it into the cup , giving him a hole - in - one - the first hole - in - one ever scored on that hole . This was obviously quite fun but not earth shattering . Stuff like that happens somewhere every day , right ? Thing is , the next day Neil Haney was playing the golf course with a different friend . As he told the story , the friend said something to the effect of , " Yeah , whatever , let 's see you make a real hole - in - one . " Even that - quirky but not unthinkable . But the reason the story was told in 1954 is that about a year later , Neil Haney was playing the same course , the same hole , thinking about his fortune there - and he made his third hole - in - one . The golf superintendent said those were the only three holes in one ever made on that hole . The Haney story is the not the one I am telling - it actually has nothing whatsoever to do with the story I am telling . But it does have something to do with that fascinating year of 1954 . In so many different ways , America was a much smaller place then . There were 16 Major League Baseball teams in 1954 , but one thing that is easy to forget is that they represented only 12 different cities . There were three teams in New York , two in Chicago , two in Philadelphia . Only in the previous two years had teams moved to Baltimore and Milwaukee . So here was a big and rapidly expanding country , most of it with no major league baseball within hundreds and hundreds of miles . Baseball was still the biggest thing going , and so the exploits of the St . Louis Cardinals and Cleveland Indians and Philadelphia Athletics were big news EVERYWHERE . And so were countless , funny little Haney stories - they filled newspapers everyday . It didn 't matter where they happened . It didn 't matter who they were . The sports sections - and it 's astonishing how similar sports sections were in those days - filled with baseball stories , photographs , cartoons , box scores , a little boxing news , golf items ( often a golf lesson ) , track , some college sports , some local stuff and , always , at least one or two Haney stories for people to chew on and talk about during the day . It wasn 't just the big leagues . When the Spartanburg Peaches threatened to pull out of the Tri - State League rather than play a Knoxville team with a dark - skinned Cuban player named Aldo Salvent … that was news everywhere . In the summer of 1954 , sixty years ago , the biggest Neil Haney story of them all involved a hulking and modest filling station operator named Joe Bauman . Ponderous Joe ? That just doesn 't seem very complimentary . Even before the summer of 1954 , Joe Bauman was something of a legend in a wild baseball league in the Pecos River Valley of New Mexico and Texas called the Longhorn League - though papers rarely used the " League " part . It was just the Longhorn - who 's leading the Longhorn in hitting ? Who 's playing in the Longhorn tonight - and the Longhorn was where the Sweetwater Spudders and Carlsbad Potashers and Artesia Numexers and Odessa Oilers played . Scoring runs was the game in the Longhorn . Baseballs sailed in the hot and light air , and scores were often 22 - 18 or 16 - 11 , and fans pulled out dollar bills and stuffed them through the chicken wire fencing toward the powerful men who hit the longest and most thrilling home runs . This was how Joe Bauman made his living . He hit long home runs . In the morning he went to work at the Texaco Station he and teammate owned on Route 66 . In the afternoon , hit home runs and collected his monthly wages and the money that poked through the fences . He saw it as a good but unromantic life . Oh , maybe there were some dreams at the beginning . Joe 's father , Joe Sr . , had wanted him to be a baseball player . That was the big dream in Oklahoma . Joe Bauman was born only a few miles away from Commerce , where another father raised his son Mickey to become a ballplayer . Joe Bauman grew up with Dale Mitchell , who would hit . 312 and play in two World Series for Cleveland , and Cot Deal who would pitch briefly for Boston and St . Louis . Baseball was in the Oklahoma marrow and Joe Bauman at a young age grew to the 6 - foot - 4 , 250 - pound man he would become . He was strong and serious and , yes , perhaps a bit ponderous . But he prepared to become a professional first baseman by learning how to hit and throw left - handed from his father . Joe signed a baseball contract at 19 , and in 1941 went to play ball in Little Rock and then Newport , Arkansas . In Newport , he was teammates and roommates with future Hall of Famer George Kell . He was making his way when a couple of things happened . First , Japan attacked Pearl Harbor and Bauman would spend much of the next four years working as a physical education instruction and baseball player for the Navy . It was there , according to this fine mini biography by Bob Rives , that he encountered All - Star Rip Radcliff who showed him some of the finer points of hitting . Second , though , his ambitions shifted . My friend John Schulian wrote a couple of stories about Bauman , and his impression was of a man who was as happy pumping gas and changing tires as he was playing baseball . It was all a living ; a way to make ends meet for him and his high - school sweetheart Dorothy , who he married during the war . He seemed to understand that his ability to crush a baseball was a marketable skill , not unlike brick laying or fixing cars . After the war ended , in 1946 , he did go to Boston Braves camp and when they sent him to Amarillo he hit . 301 and smashed 48 homers in 136 games . He figured that would impress them . The next year , though , he was sent back to Amarillo . He began to understand this chasing of dreams was not the life for him . After hitting . 350 with 38 more home runs in Amarillo , he spent one more year in his hunt for the big leagues . He went to Hartford in the Eastern League , a Class A team , and he was utterly miserable . He got only 277 at - bats ; he hit . 275 with 10 home runs , and was benched . That inspired him to give up the Major League goal for good . The Braves tried to get him to come back for a pittance in 1949 , and he would recall telling them , " I can make more money selling 27 - inch shoelaces in Oklahoma City . " That was when he went back to Oklahoma to play semi - pro baseball and buy a gas station with a friend . Joe Bauman worked two jobs . He filled gas tanks by day . He hit some of America 's longest home runs for semi - pro teams by night . And word got around . He would always say a doctor called him in 1952 . Bauman would not even remember the guy 's name , but he said this doctor then showed up at his filling station and offered him a contract to play for a team called the Artesia Drillers in New Mexico Bauman had never heard of them or Artesia or , really , New Mexico . But the doctor offered steady money - $ 600 a month - and he said people in the stands would give him some more . Bauman agreed on the condition that for $ 250 he could buy back his contract . The good doctor agreed . It 's fair to say that they never saw anything quite like Joe Bauman in New Mexico . Artesia was named as such because in 1903 an artesian well was discovered there . That simple . People took pride in the baseball team . And Joe Bauman was the biggest thing in Artesia . He was 30 years old when he showed up , and he had honed his uppercut home run stroke , and those 19 and 20 and 21 - year - old pitchers in the Longhorn didn 't stand a chance . That first year , Bauman hit . 375 with a league - record 50 homers in 139 games . The second year , Bauman hit . 371 with an even better league - record 53 home runs in 132 games . He led the all of organized baseball in homers both years . He earned enough money from what players called " fence money " to buy a car . Before the 1954 Roswell Rockets season began there was buzz that Ponderous Joe Bauman was , yes , in the best shape of his life . In those two years in Artesia , even with the big numbers , he was constantly hampered by some injury or other - a back injury , a leg injury , a foot injury and so on . He played through , but he never felt particularly good - which is why every year he considered quitting . In early April though there was a story in the Big Spring , Texas paper about how Joe Bauman was down 15 pounds . He said he felt good , healthy in a way he could not remember feeling . People were already expecting a big season . Why not ? He was the king of the Longhorn League , and that meant any home run number was possible . " The altitude and air have a lot to do with it , " Roswell catcher and co - manager Pat Stasey told a reporter . " Light , dry air makes the curveball break slower and the ball ride better . " Bauman started hot . On April 22 , Bauman crushed two homers against Carlsbad . Three days later he mashed two more against Odessa . On April 30 , Roswell beat Odessa again in a game that featured TWENTY SEVEN WALKS . Joe Bauman hit his 10th home run . The season was only 11 games old . There is so much fun stuff in the records about how Longhorn pitchers tried to stop Joe Bauman . The Big Springs manager was a man called Pepper Martin - he was not the famous Pepper Martin but a longtime minor league baseball player and bowling alley operator who took great pride in finding ways to shut down Joe Bauman . His favorite method was a variation of the shift Lou Boudreau used to slow down Ted Williams - Martin would put everyone on the right side of the field . Everyone . His third baseman was playing behind the second base bag ; his left fielder was playing in straightaway center . On May 6 , it worked - Bauman smashed balls into the teeth of the defense . On May 17 , Bauman hit two more homers and was up to 15 for the season . He hit two more on May 23 ; the second of those was something marvelous . The game was in Odessa , and the ballpark was adjacent to a rodeo grounds . Well , the rodeo was going on , and Bauman crushed a ball into the middle of that rodeo , probably close to 500 feet away from home plate . There was an 22 - year - old pitcher on the Roswell team , just out of the University of Colorado , named Tom Brookshier . Yeah . That Tom Brookshier . He lived his own extraordinary life - he grew up in Roswell , played football in college with Apollo 13 pilot Jack Swigert , once struck out a Kansas catcher named Dean Smith and played defensive back for the NFL Champion 1960 Philadelphia Eagles . He and Pat Summerall made up one of the first legendary NFL announcing teams . But that one summer , he played ball for his hometown Roswell Rockets , and he roomed with Joe Bauman . One thing he remembered after all those years was the intensity of Bauman 's snoring . Another , though , was that home run he hit into the rodeo at Odessa . " They forgot all about the rodeo , " he told John Schulian . " And they took off their hats and whooped and hollered for Joe . " Now that 's a home run . The weather would get hot in New Mexico and Texas and Joe Bauman always loved it when the weather got hot . He cracked seven homers in eight games in early June . He hit his 30th homer on June 22 and celebrated by hitting home runs each of the next three days . On Independence Day he hit his 36th homer , and for the first time people began talking about a staggering possibility - Bauman was actually on pace to challenge the all - time minor league home run record of 69 set by Joe Hauser in Minneapolis in 1933 and tied by Bob Crues down the road in Amarillo in 1948 . " Good God ! " Bauman yelped the first time a reporter asked him about the record . He insisted that he wasn 't thinking about home runs and , in all honestly , didn 't really think he was hitting them any more often than usual . But the papers told a different story . He hit four home run in a series against Big Spring , another one against Sweetwater and then pounded the hell out of the ball at Carlsbad . He was up to 45 homers after only 80 games and the record could not be ignored . " I 'm not hitting for the fences any more than usual , " Bauman told a reporter . " In fact , I 'm playing just about as I usually do . No changes in swing . No changes in stance . Just no change . " He said that he has felt a little bit healthier and the ballpark has been a good one for home runs . " And , " he added , " I 've been pretty lucky . " This was how Bauman talked throughout the home run chase . It seemed the two things Joe Bauman liked least was self - aggrandizement of any kind and left - handed pitching . Especially left - handed pitching . Teams would go to crazy extremes to have lefties pitch against Bauman . They would move their regular pitcher to a different position , bring in a lefty to face Bauman , and then put the pitcher back in . When managers ran out of left - handed pitchers , they would bring in left - handed throwing left - handed first basemen or outfielders just for him . There was a story in that in Sweetwater , the manager shouted out to the crowd asking if anyone threw left - handed . And those lefties threw junk to Joe Bauman . We 're talking JUNK . They threw curveballs and sliders and change - ups and knucklers and spitballs and mudballs and slopballs and anything else that moved slow and crooked and out of the strike zone . There was no throwing a fastball by Big Joe Bauman , not in 1954 when he would say baseballs looked enormous to his eyes . Pitchers didn 't just throw junk , they threw JUNK , balls , a foot outside , two feet outside , in the dirt , over his head . He walked 110 times in his first 110 games and could have walked at least twice as much except he thought it was his job to swing and entertain the crowd . " I haven 't seen anything but junk , " he uncharacteristically complained in early August after four straight games without a homer . He had 53 by then and the record was still in play . Then , it looked like he would fall short . Bauman hit his 54th homer on August 10th - that broke his twice - owned Longhorn homer record - and needed 16 homers in the last 27 games to break the record . That was hard enough , but his pace slowed . The garbage pitches , the persistent lefties , the oppressive pressure was all piling up on him . He was hearing a photographer or two snapping cameras on his swing . He was noticing the larger crowds and how they felt cheated when he didn 't hit one out . It was all weighing on him . But what could he do ? He was paid to hit homers . So he hit homers . On August 16 , the same day many papers carried the story of Neil Haney making three holes - in - one , Bauman smashed his 56th homer against Odessa , a 390 - foot smash over the center field wall . Three days later , on the day Leo Durocher told reporters that his pennant - leading Giants would be in sixth place without Willie Mays , Joe Bauman hit No . 57 . Well , it did grab a few headlines . But by then the minor - league record seemed unlikely . Bauman still needed 10 home runs to break the record and Roswell only had 15 games left to play . And over the next three days , the record went from unlikely to all but impossible . And then the rains came in . The August 23 game was rained out . There was talk of rescheduling it as a doubleheader the next day , but then the August 24 game was rained out . And then the August 25 games rained out . It was announced none of them would be made up . The season was expiring . On August 26 , groundskeepers started a bonfire to dry the field so the game could be played . Joe Bauman hit homer No . 61 . The next day he homered again , No . 62 . Well , if he could homer every game , he could get there … but on August 28 he was only good for three singles against Sweetwater . That was the day 24 - year - old Arnold Palmer came from behind to beat Robert Sweeny Jr . on the last hole of the U . S . Amateur . On August 29 , Bauman homered again . So that was No . 63 - he needed seven home runs in the last eight games to break the record . Possible ? The next night was Joe Bauman Night in Roswell . About 2 , 000 people showed up with gifts and money . Joe Bauman rewarded them with a 400 - foot smash over the center field fence . That was No . 64 . Still , he needed six home runs in seven nights - those a pretty long odds . And then , in one night , Joe Bauman completely turned around those odds . On August 31 , one night after Joe Bauman Night , he pulled off one of the greatest unknown feats in baseball history . With the record just barely in reach , with a huge Roswell crowd surrounding , with a Sweetwater pitching staff that was determined to stop him - Ponderous , Slugging , Big , Hulking , Jumbo Joe Bauman hit four home runs . To say that people went insane is utterly understating it . They shoved more than $ 500 through the chicken wire fences - roughly what Joe Bauman made in a month . Bauman now had 68 home runs , one shy of the minor league record . He had six games to break the record . And now everyone was sure he was going to do it . Everyone , that is , except Bauman himself . He was not used to being nervous when playing baseball . It was a job . Now , though , it was something else . Pat Stasey put Bauman in the leadoff spot so he could get the most at - bats . On September 1 , in front of an insane crowd , Bauman hit a blast to right field that was as hard hit as anything he 'd hit all season . It seemed like the record - tying shot . Instead , the ball hit the 10 - foot wall about six inches from the top and fell back in . The anguish of the crowd was immense - but they still shoved more than $ 600 to him through the fence . The next night , almost 3 , 000 people came - it was the last home game of the season . Bauman desperately wanted to set the record for his hometown . When he smashed a 375 - foot homer to tie the record , the papers reported that their cheers could be heard in downtown Roswell , two miles away . Nobody has how any idea how much fence money Bauman made that night , but it was certainly approaching $ 1 , 000 . But he could only tie the record . He could not break it . And the team left town ; the next night they were playing at Big Spring . Team officials tried to get Big Spring 's Pepper Martin to switch the game and have it played in Roswell . They apparently offered him a " four figure " payment to move the game . Martin refused . He said his fans had been loyal and deserved the chance to see the record broken . In truth , it seems he was trying to keep baseball in Big Spring , which was the smallest city in the Longhorn League . He didn 't think it would do his efforts much good if he moved the biggest game of the year . As it turns out , though , Martin 's team had no intention of letting Bauman break the record . They threw him garbage pitch after garbage pitch - slow , left - handed , out of the strike zone , never once challenging him - and Bauman flailed helplessly . There were now numerous photographers snapping their cameras and distracting him . The rough and tumble Texas fans - Brookshier described those fans as wearing " pants and big arms " - were plenty happy to see Bauman fail . And he was actually nervous . He would say he felt like there was a piano on his shoulder . He went 0 - for - 5 the first game against Big Spring - an almost unthinkable day for Bauman in that remarkable year . The next day he managed only a single in three official trips - the closest thing to a home run he hit was a preposterously high fly ball to shallow right field . Bauman would grumble years later that Big Spring wouldn 't pitch to him . He had to go swinging at the junk . He had one day left - a doubleheader at his old ballpark in Artesia . He readily admitted to teammates : He didn 't know if he had a homer in him . The national press was now swarming around him , and the intensity was too intense , and he didn 't even know if anyone would throw him a pitch near the strike zone . Then , before the game , he would always remember , that the Artesia manager Jimmy Adair - who played a few games with the Cubs back in the day - told him that he 'd heard about the way they had pitched him in Big Spring . " Joe , " he promised , " we 're not going to walk you . " Well , that was all he needed to hear . The Artesia pitcher that day was a 22 - year - old kid named Jose Gallardo - barely 5 - foot - 9 , skinny as a rail . Best anyone can tell , that was the only year Gallardo played professional baseball - he was the nephew of a longtime minor - leaguer , Frank Gallardo , and it seems likely he was recruited by Frank to fill a spot . It was his fifth - and last - professional start . Joe Bauman was the first batter of the game . Gallardo - as promised - did not walk him . Instead he threw the best fastball he had . It drove down the middle of the plate . It was the sort of pitch Joe Bauman would see in his happiest dreams . Nobody measured exactly how far that ball went . Some papers called it a 365 - foot blast others a shot of more than 400 feet . Either way , it went far enough . That was home run No . 70 , the all - time minor league record . Joe ran happily around the bases , he said that he felt light as could be . The piano was lifted from his shoulders . In the second game of the doubleheader , with all the pressure gone , Joe Bauman hit two more home runs - one of them off of Jose Gallardo 's uncle Frank . That gave him 72 for the season . The story of Joe Bauman breaking the all - time home run record appeared in every paper in the country . And for a few minutes Bauman was famous . People wanted to know this man , this hulking giant , this ponderous slugger in the Pecos Valley . But Joe Bauman did not want any part of that , and anyway , America didn 't have a long attention span . He told reporters that , no , he had no interest in going anywhere else . And he never did . He and Dorothy stayed in Roswell . He played ball again the next year , but was in some pain so he just hit . 336 with 46 homers . He wanted to quit then but they talked him into coming back ; he played 52 games in 1956 and hit 17 homers . Then it was over . He was 34 and ready to live his real life . In time , he moved from running the Texaco station to working for a Budweiser beer distributorship . Every now and again , someone would call - a journalist , a baseball historian , a curious fan - and Bauman reluctantly but with kindness would relive the season . At some point , they displayed his 72nd home run ball in a Roswell museum and when Bauman was asked if he 'd seen it , he said " Naw , " and gave a look that supposed , ' Why would I do that ? " When Barry Bonds hit his 73rd home run - which in some form or other broke Bauman 's all - levels record - Bauman admitted he watched the last one go . Emotions ? Nah . " It didn 't bother me or anything , " he said . " I just thought , ' there goes my record . ' " He died four years later , after a bout with pneumonia . He was 83 years old . In the summer of ' 54 , Joe Bauman hit . 400 with 72 homers , 224 RBIs , 188 runs scored and 150 walks . He would always say it was not really a big deal . They paid him to hit home runs . So , you know , he hit home runs . Joe Posnanski writes about sports for a living , particularly baseball . Here , he writes about sports and also Springsteen , Hamilton , Harry Potter , iPads , infomercials , his idolization of Duane Kuiper , his family and magic . He lives in Charlotte with his wife Margo , two daughters Elizabeth and Katie , and their dog Westley . Joe is currently working on a book about Harry Houdini in today 's world . Kelly M . says : March 31 , 2014 at 7 : 47 pm Joe , even if I already knew that story ( which I didn 't ) , it wouldn 't have mattered . Your storytelling just keeps getting better and better . It felt like I was watching # 70 in Artesia . Thanks for continuing to share your gift . Finally got me to comment for the first time ! Matt Schlichting says : March 31 , 2014 at 10 : 14 pm One of these days I want Joe to throw us off and end one of these with , " Joe struck out five times in his last six at - bats and missed the record by one . He faded into obscurity . The next season , the league dissolved , each stadium replaced by a Sears . " bpdelia says : April 1 , 2014 at 1 : 54 pm Yep . That right there is the greatest comment in internet history . That cracked me up . Perfect . It was already great but the Sears part takes it to the next level . Bravo sir . Will3pin says : April 1 , 2014 at 2 : 49 am " At WAR With Pedro " sure got my brain a whirrin ' . And " The Home Run Summer of ' 54 " got my heart a beatin ' . Loving equally Joe BABIP and Joe Ponderous . Arthur Dales : " Bob or Kirk ? See , none of the great ones fit in - not in this world , not in any other world . They 're all aliens , Mulder , until they step between the white chalk lines - until they step on the outfield grass . " bellweather22 says : April 1 , 2014 at 8 : 02 pm I got to thinking that this could be an early April fools joke . But I googled it and it came up . At any level of baseball , the numbers put up just seemed impossible . But to the extent that we trust Wikipedia , the story is accurate . I had never heard it before . It just goes to say that truth is stranger than fiction . If you made this story up , it would not be interesting . It 's interesting because it actually happened … . even though I really have trouble wrapping my mind around it . bl says : April 1 , 2014 at 11 : 24 pm nothing to add here except thanks , Joe . I 'm a year younger than you and I hope to be able to read your stories until I can 't read anymore . You 're the best . worried secularist says : April 2 , 2014 at 5 : 53 am Great story beautifully told . I first heard about Bauman in one of SABR 's Minor League stars books , but this read like Roy Hobbs . By the way , Bill Madden has a book called 1954 coming out in May , I think . First World Series where both teams had black players . It 's also appalling how many teams , led by the Damn Yankees , still resisted integration . Jonathan H . says : April 7 , 2014 at 2 : 27 am This is a great story and I don 't want to diminish it but the Pecos continues to have ridiculous hitters . There is an independent Pecos League nowadays and last year the LEAGUE hit . 316 / . 408 / . 470 . That 's not a player , that 's not a team , that 's the league average . Of the 8 teams in the league 6 of them finished with OBPs greater than . 400 . Here is the B - R link : http : / / www . baseball - reference . com / minors / league . cgi ? id = f617b6cd Capital F future - inhab . it says : June 1 , 2014 at 2 : 25 am [ … ] I spend quite a bit of time thinking about this future . Mostly from strange Chinese cities though not usually from luxury hotels . It 's a future that seems to slip into view when I 'm walking home alone through the evening heat , past street stalls and electric bikes . I find it under neon offering nothing , the store fronts long closed and falsely alluring in the night . It 's a future that I see often after sitting in an Ajisen and eating cucumbers for a while , after drinking an Asahi by myself while reading Fallows and Paul Hawken , Chipchase and Posnanski .
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FARK . com : ( 7849197 ) The Rescue : A True Story . Starring one tiny adorable kitten trapped in a burning home , and one incredibly heroic Fireman with a helmet - cam . Coming to theaters , just in time for Caturday Do you have adblock enabled ? Don 't Like Ads ? Try BareFark Politics The Rescue : A True Story . Starring one tiny adorable kitten trapped in a burning home , and one incredibly heroic Fireman with a helmet - cam . Coming to theaters , just in time for Caturday ( mashable . com ) 3 votes : Spinnyr : The " Beauty - Butt " , Luscious . . . Her eyes are light - light blue , and sometimes - - - don 't know why - - - they turn really red . Technically , because the light of the flash occurs too fast for the pupil to close , much of the very bright light from the flash passes into the eye through the pupil , reflects off the fundus at the back of the eyeball and out through the pupil . The camera records this reflected light . The main cause of the red color is the ample amount of blood in the choroid which nourishes the back of the eye and is located behind the retina . The blood in the retinal circulation is far less than in the choroid , and plays virtually no role . The eye contains several photostable pigments that all absorb in the short wavelength region , and hence contribute somewhat to the red eye effect . Because all white cats are basically furry little terminators . 2 votes : Another Dog Pic - - the one I tried to fwd to Select Folk yesterday & was told nothing was there . Marci Swann , wife of barbershopper Gregg ( they live in WV ) who 's back on the Events Team as Plumbicon is , sent me this on July 2 . They care for a dog whose name & breed I forget . spinach gunk , tnx for bringing Sarah back to mind . Think you said she was such a good girl . Also tnx yobbery for fresh Biscuit & others pix , also to remember lurvly Alice . Is that Biscuit in the . gif shaking himself enthusiastically ? Sure looks like it could be - - 2 votes : Hai Biscuit ! * waves back * I 'm so jealous of you guize with the photophiliac kittehs . GoGo Beastie RUNS and would put a hole in a door to get away if she had to when she just sees my camera . Not that I 've figured out how to use the obviously - smarter - than - me thing , or I 'd have pictures of our skwerls and tons of food porn . * sigh * Some things I 'm good at , a lot of things I 'm not so good at , and that camera falls in the " not so good at " category . 2 votes : The Ice Queen : Cosmo tripped me when I got home so I 'm all black and blue . GoGo Beastie only does that when I 'm at least halfway up the stairs . Any less and it is no longer a proper homicide attempt , I guess . You OK ' cept the lovely new color accessories ? 1 vote : lilyspad : Real Women Drink Akvavit : I 'll have to dig some up some day . I 'm sure mom has some around here somewhere . Please do ! ! : DI 'll ask her when she gets back from her trip where they 're hidden . I don 't think any of them have been scanned or anything yet . 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 567x500 ] I hope nobody is offended by this . . . . I just thought it was funny . That 's a classic ! Not offended over here . My panties are not even in a twist - and yes , I 'm actually wearing some ! / nmc , nmc , nmu 1 vote : I 'm going to check out early . I have to get back to the rat race in the morning ( . . . and end of vacation depression blows goats . ) Have a great week everyone . See you on Thursday . 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x478 ] Hai ! Broke out of work early . . . it 's even too hot for customers , apparently ! So , you guize are stuck with me for some extra time today ! I can smell your joy . Or maybe , that 's just QJ 's hushpuppies ! ! ! : DHe 's got back up now in the form of his MOM ! However , I am proud of him for being so generous with the sharing of the hushpuppies . 1 vote : lilyspad : Ha ! Looks like we both had the same thoughts on the heat ! ! ! ! : DI 'm so glad the heat is settling down . Being on foot for my commute it sucks to arrive at work in the morning all hot and sweaty , even if it is before 7AM and only a 20 min walk ! lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x429 ] 1 vote : AARRRRGH ! ! Stupid friggin county library computers ! Fourth time I 've tried to post before system locks up from all the damn local trash playing yahoo games online ! Anywhooos , Happy Caturday ! Sorry I 'm late , spent the weekend at my place with whiskey between two AC units . Or was that with AC between two whiskey units ? Kind of hazy at this point . . . ALIEN ! Good to see you still posting . Please don 't give up , just keep on rolling and keep us appraised of your situation . My offer of paypal is still out there , let me have a contact email so I can send a little . I 'm not pushing charity , I just feel like crap that you are in such horrible dire straits and I 'm unable to help you ! ! And now , some cats . Asbestos lining sold seperately . . . 1 vote : lilyspad : akimbotoo : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x415 ] Okay , I am OFFICIALLY done with this heat ! Holy cow ! It 's 98 right now . . . again . Supposed to be in the upper 90 's for another week . I 'm gonna snap , I tell ya ! ! ! ! If you guize read about some crazy middle - aged woman running naked through the neighbors sprinklers while drinking beer , start collecting bail money ! : DI 'll bring a camera too ! : DOr video . . . . . : D You 're twisted , I like that ! ! ! Hahaha ! ! ! You have that right ! I would probably bring the Flip too so we could have Youtube - ready videos ! We had old friends visit us earlier this week and I think I shocked him a little with my sense of humor . I told them the story about when I had the metal plate & screws removed from my ankle after my fracture adventure . I was disappointed that the surgeon wouldn 't let me watch the operation . I had a spinal anesthetic instead of the general anesthetic and got a bit bored after a while because I couldn 't tell how many screws were still left to be removed . It seemed like it was taking forever ! I asked him to make them " plink " in the bowl like in the cowboy movies so I could tell how far along he was . Everyone laughed , but he did it for me ! 1 vote : lilyspad : yobbery : How to drive your cat apeshiat crazy Bwahahaha ! ! ! ! I see a disco light in Lily 's future ! ! ! ! ! : DDoooo eeeeet ! ! ! / don 't forget the tunes : o ) 1 vote : tigerose : yobbery : tigerose : OlderGuy : tigerose : Hello ! I could not find Eli for a while today . And no one remembered if he was in or out . Turns out he was in the attic ! Good thing today was not so hot as it haz been ! Geez I think that cat needs a locator appMicrochip with GPS : o ) Hmmmm ! I am thinking of hazing him chipped . The local petsupply place does them for 10 bucks ? Worth every penny in case he gets lost or picked up . Do they have a veterinary clinic there ? Won 't help much for attic trappings though . You may want to get him an iPhone if he keeps insisting on going up there . [ www . smugmug . com image 300x169 ] if I have to get the data plan , he will have to settle for Meowers Code . . . 1 vote : lilyspad : yobbery : How to drive your cat apeshiat crazy [ www . smugmug . com image 500x500 ] Bwahahaha ! ! ! ! I see a disco light in Lily 's future ! ! ! ! ! : DThat would be cruel ! / Make sure you get a video : o ) 1 vote : tigerose : OlderGuy : tigerose : Hello ! I could not find Eli for a while today . And no one remembered if he was in or out . Turns out he was in the attic ! Good thing today was not so hot as it haz been ! Geez I think that cat needs a locator appMicrochip with GPS : o ) Hmmmm ! I am thinking of hazing him chipped . The local petsupply place does them for 10 bucks ? Worth every penny in case he gets lost or picked up . Do they have a veterinary clinic there ? Won 't help much for attic trappings though . You may want to get him an iPhone if he keeps insisting on going up there . 1 vote : Mrs CDK : Been busy this weekend but wanted to pop in to say hi . . . [ i384 . photobucket . com image 500x375 ] * waves * Hai ! Busy over here , too . Trying to do a Super Secret Lair of Infinite Doom project ( rearranging my room ) , cleaning Grandma 's room out at least part way so Mom doesn 't have to dig through the medical stuff , just the happy memories and also building a couple sets of shelves and rearranging the garage - all while my Mom is on vacation . So , she should have the best vacation and return from vacation EVER , all things considered . 1 vote : Hello , everybody . been a busy summer around the infinity household . i 've been behind on every one of my leisurely pursuits , including caturdays . However , I feel I would be terribly remiss if I didn 't make a small announcement while the thread was still open . We have been looking for some furkids to adopt for about a month now . We wanted to get 2 , so they could keep each other company . Without trying to be too picky about breed , color , etc . The important part was personality and sociability with other animals . We also wanted fairly close to same age or litter mates if possible . Our source is the local humane society . We made a few visits and fell for a pair of kittens , a brother and sister , only to find they had just been taken that day . But there were more kittens at a local pet store in an adoption partnership with the humane society being the beneficiary . There were 2 tabbies and 2 all black kitties , the one girl kitty was one of the all black ones . She was also the shyest and most timid of the bunch . We wanted to take her and one of her tabby brothers , but the policy was cash only and we didn 't have it on us at the time . When we called the next day , the tabby we wanted had been adopted . I didn 't want to leave the all black brother by himself , because sadly , the black kitties just don 't get taken home as readily . So we took both of the black kitties , which actually thrilled me to no end , because I love black kitties . They 've been in our house all of 22 hours so far . I 'm about to go into a diabetic coma . I 'm so glad we took one of her brothers , because the little girl would be so lost by herself . As it is now , she 's coming out of her shell more and more . They were both sleeping under the coffee table , out in the open and not hiding under the bed . This is a great sign . They are 13 weeks old , already spayed and neutered , microchipped . They look to be in very good health , they had just arrived from the foster home an hour before we saw them in the store for the first time . It is so nice of them to let us stay in2it 2013 - 07 - 21 12 : 21 : 43 PM 1 vote : John Buck 41 : Jazzy , never far away from either of us . Here making sure Mrs . Bucks chair doesn 't blow off the dock . [ farm4 . staticflickr . com image 500x375 ] She didn 't want to wait on shore while Mom was out in the kayak . [ farm8 . staticflickr . com image 500x375 ] Fiona will not leave my side if it is raining . So much so that she followed me into the shower . I don 't get dog logic . My daughter came out to visit and laughed so hard at this . 1 vote : tigerose : Good Meowning ! Wow ! I slept like a cat last night ! Eli was out on the front porch when I got up this morning . Now he is on the hassock , curled by my toes . So nice to start my day this way ! You guys were busy last night ! And funny as well . I nearly spilled my coffee . . . horrors ! : ) Not the coffee ! ! ! My mom is getting ready for her vacation and will be leaving for the airport in a few hours , so I 'll be in and outta here for a while . Gotta go to the store for a buncha dollahs and then find the phone number for the male strippers . ; - p 1 vote : AlienDandelion : Real Women Drink Akvavit : catmandu : in2it : In my last post with Cat Women and Batman , look at all the famous cats : ) When I first looked it was a cute cartoon , then Simon 's Cat caught my eye and I took a closer look . I identified most of the cats . I zeroed in on Bill the Cat right away . Bloom County was my favorite comic strip in like forever . I even still have my Bill the Cat plushie . Now that Bloom County is gone , I like Get Fuzzy , of course . Bucky is my cartoon kitteh fave with the crazy and the crafty and the thinly veiled ( if veiled at all ) insults . [ tolkiengateway . net image 725x377 ] I agree . Bucky is one of my favorites too : ) As well as the man behind http : / / theoatmeal . com / oh and cyanide and happiness because they have a twisted sense of humour like me muwahhh ahhhhaI been meaning to pick up The Oatmeal 's book about how to tell if your cat is trying to kill you , but I can 't do that until I either ( 1 ) get a new bookshelf as I 've no room for all the books I have now or ( 2 ) get rid of some books . I 'll never do ( 2 ) so I 'm going to rearrange furniture this week so I can do ( 1 ) next month . Also : Cracked me up . Also , emailed it to my mother ( who yes , was in the next room , but emailing is still easier ) 1 vote : Okay , I have to go for tonight . Hey QJ ! Please tell Oscar that I am having a bologna sammich tonight for dinner in his honor ! Plus , it just sounded good . HUGS to all ! ! ! : D 1 vote : lilyspad : in2it : [ i . imgur . com image 620x854 ] Dammit in2it ! I was just going to post that ! ! ! ! You beat me to it ! ! : DSorry just hitting it a little too hard : ) 1 vote : lilyspad : Lots of really great posts today ! Took me a bit to catch up . Hey QJ ! When do we get to see pics of Oscar ? ? I think I read somewhere along the line that you have a camera with lots of megapickles ? ? ? * hint * : D 1 vote : Some things you just can 't explain , and wouldn 't want to even if you could . QJ made this adorable LOL of my favourite picture of Sarah a long time ago : I keep one copy of this lol in my lolcats folder on my computer . It is the source folder for my computer 's screen saver . The screen saver randomly chooses a few dozen lols at a time to cycle through , out of nearly 3000 in the whole folder . Somehow , this one shows up in the rotation almost every single time ! It 's as if she 's out there somewhere , making sure we see it a lot since she knows we like it so much . It always makes us smile . I know it 's weird , but I thought you guys would get a kick out of it . : ) 1 vote : neurofunkin : Some recent shelter additions : Itty bitty litter of 6 that came in . [ i322 . photobucket . com image 450x600 ] At an adoption event : [ i322 . photobucket . com image 600x450 ] D ' AWWWW ! I so want to hold some babby fur babbies ! I can 't do that , though . I 'd bring one home . I 'm in my 40 's . I don 't need to be tickin ' off my mom at my age ! It 's . . . . awkward . 1 vote : Real Women Drink Akvavit : I 'd still head straight to that beautiful mountain in your pic , though . We could go Squatchin ' in between snowball fights ! YAY ! ! ! My kitteh accomplice ! Let 's go ! I know where they live : - ) 1 vote : Real Women Drink Akvavit : sherpa18 : I was going to ask if you guys got in a brawl over some chicken wings or something . Dragon could totally take you , dude . Specially since you wouldn 't put up much of a fight . ; - p / you 're a good Dragon daddy , Sherpa ! Good jorb ! / yeah , it 's not that tough to tell who is in charge here : o ) 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 640x427 ] They sure are cute when they 're little ! Is that an opossum ? Or whatever those scary , hideous things are called ? ' Cuz if it is , well played , Mother Nature . That would totally trick me into trying to cuddle it . sherpa18 : lilyspad : I agree . . . and he looks great ! ! ! You GO Dragon ! ! ! ♥ Thanks . / yes people , i am aware that i need to vacuum / / and that is just food on his nose from licking his meds out of cat food cans [ i415 . photobucket . com image 640x564 ] I was going to ask if you guys got in a brawl over some chicken wings or something . Dragon could totally take you , dude . Specially since you wouldn 't put up much of a fight . ; - p / you 're a good Dragon daddy , Sherpa ! Good jorb ! 1 vote : lilyspad : sherpa18 : You sure are up early today ! : DLike I had a freaking choice ? : o ) sherpa18 2013 - 07 - 20 08 : 31 : 48 AM 1 vote : ArmednHammered : sherpa18 : ArmednHammered : the three seashells ! I still haven 't figured out that joke . / i guess it 's back to the litter box with you ! I 'll take a litter box over seashells any day ! That shait looks painful ! ; - ) Yeah , just wait until that chili you made last night starts working . . . . 1 vote : Dezilith : I 'm going to be ostracized for a week . The GoGo Beastie reacts that way every month when I put the flea stuff on her . Except feeding times , of course . I 'm trying to HELP , silly Go ! She hates the smell though , and runs at the sight of the little tube . Heh . 1 vote : / fast fun fact - I used to work security for a local club about once a week when they had heavy metal shows and " fetish events " / / easiest . job . EVER 1 vote : I looked high . . . I looked low . . . . and couldn 't find Jazz . . . ( 4yr old Russian Blue ) Yanno , the ' Plump One ' . . . Brunhilda . . . . aka ( as Q _ J once captioned her . . . . Goodyear . Miss * I ain 't afraid of you . . . I 'll kick yer azz * This one . . . Well . . . on the first day here . . . . after a room - to - room search & 25 mins later , I find her . . . . guess where ! ! ! . . . . . . And when I gently picked her up , and cuddled & murmured to her . . . I was ever so grateful that it was a brand new , unused , litterbox . I 'm very , very glad that she is comfortable enough to lay around the house " belly - up " . 1 vote : lilyspad : I had some the DUMBEST customers this week . . . . . makes you wonder how they survived to adulthood . Seriously . yobbery 2013 - 07 - 19 11 : 15 : 38 PM 1 vote : ArmednHammered : sherpa18 : ArmednHammered : the three seashells ! I still haven 't figured out that joke . [ i415 . photobucket . com image 305x450 ] / i guess it 's back to the litter box with you ! I 'll take a litter box over seashells any day ! That shait looks painful ! ; - ) 1 vote : lilyspad : [ i . imgur . com image 199x640 ] This is too funny . Well , at least to ME , anyway . I 'm twisted , in case y ' all haven 't figured that out yet . : D * high five * / I lol 'd , too 1 vote : OlderGuy : sherpa18 : gremlin1 : another hot , muggy day . 88 feels like 95 and humid . Is that all ? When I checked my balcony thermometer an hour or so ago , it was still 101 ° : o ( [ i415 . photobucket . com image 500x375 ] Was 97 here today . . had planned to hit Busch Gardens tomorrow . . forecast of 96 + possible TStorms . . will reschedule for another weekend . . . humidity yesterday was so bad you could see it . . . . . . We 've been in the 90 's with oppressive humidity for a few days . A front just moved through about 2 hours ago and temps are now in the mid 70 's . Still humid but It feels great . 1 vote : professional _ vampire : Hi , everyone ! Holy Ceiling Cat , it 's hot ! Wait a second - if I remember correctly , you have a pool , don 't you ? I guess the rest of us will just have to improvise : o ) * runs off to look up p _ v 's address * 1 vote : gremlin1 : another hot , muggy day . 88 feels like 95 and humid . Is that all ? When I checked my balcony thermometer an hour or so ago , it was still 101 ° : o ( 1 vote : predle : This is me trying to figure out Windows 8 . About the only thing I 've been able to figure out is how to post to Caturday . There is an add - on available that will restore your start / menu button so that you can find stuff . As I don 't use 8 myself , I have no experience with it , but I have heard good things about it . 1 vote : Real Women Drink Akvavit : The Ice Queen : Cosmo tripped me when I got home so I 'm all black and blue . GoGo Beastie only does that when I 'm at least halfway up the stairs . Any less and it is no longer a proper homicide attempt , I guess . You OK ' cept the lovely new color accessories ? [ assets . dogtime . com image 400x327 ] Why is it they will race you up the steps but never down ? Biscuit and Nate ( especially Biscuit ) must ALWAYS be the first to the top of the stairs . It wouldn 't be so bad if they didn 't give you a head start . 1 vote : Thank you , Sherpa . * sits in box * YAY ! ! ! Spinnyr , Koa is a handsome kitteh and no , I do not think he wants to share either . I 've always like Abyssinians . He 's got some neat coloring . Most of the Abs I 've seen around here are the Ruddy variety . 1 vote : Been a really long week in the basement of Mordor . Told the boss I 'd had enough for a week and left at 2 : 00 . Went out and found some of the " Farking Wheaton w00tstout " made by Drew , Wil Wheaton and Greg Koch of Stone Brewery . I have to say , it 's pretty damn tasty . It 's dark , thick , hasn 't been hopped to death and best of all it 's 13 % alcohol , what 's not to like ? I grabbed three of the 24 Oz . bottles and I don 't expect them to last the night . ; - ) It 's good enough that I 'll buy a case if my local store has one available . / not a paid spokesman etc . etc . Please excuse me while I go whip up some chili for dinner so I can do the following later . . . . 1 vote : Thank you , ArmednHammered . I actually went through most of the grieving process before she died , which was actually one of the harder parts of it because when I realized that 's what I was doing , I felt incredibly guilty . I have no idea why , but I did . At this point there really is just trying to remember what " normal " life is like again . After over 10 years of caring for her , about half of those on each end of it being full - time , hands on type care , that 's going to be hard to remember how to do . We 'll get there , though . 1 vote : catmandu : in2it : In my last post with Cat Women and Batman , look at all the famous cats : ) When I first looked it was a cute cartoon , then Simon 's Cat caught my eye and I took a closer look . I identified most of the cats . I zeroed in on Bill the Cat right away . Bloom County was my favorite comic strip in like forever . I even still have my Bill the Cat plushie . Now that Bloom County is gone , I like Get Fuzzy , of course . Bucky is my cartoon kitteh fave with the crazy and the crafty and the thinly veiled ( if veiled at all ) insults . 1 vote : I hate to even say it , cuz I don 't want to be the Caturday bummer , but I know some of you guys pay attention and will wonder . My Grandma died Tuesday morning at 11 : 25 . She couldn 't talk or move , but she could hear us and would make faces or noises to respond a bit , so we made sure at least one of us was with her at all times , so she wouldn 't be alone and scared . I had just finished my turn for a 2 hour nap and went to go sit with her so my mom could get a nap . I sat next to her , told her I loved her for probably the eleventybillionth time while I was sitting there holding her hand , she responded a little bit , took a few more breaths and died . Please do not get bummed out or think " omg ! what do I say ? " ( like I do ) or hesitate to have fun and raise the basement ! I like fun , I am fine , will be fine and we knew this was coming . We are sad and a bit lost , but the last few years were hard , the last couple weeks nightmarish . She actually told me about a week before she died " I 'd leave but you won 't let me go " . Mom and I both told her that when she wanted to go , it was OK , that we 'd be sad , but we 'd understand and we 'd be OK . We are OK for the most part , just not really sure what to do with ourselves and very sad , but at the same time we are happy that her suffering is over . Mom is going on her scheduled vacation Sunday still , because she needs it badly , and we 'll figure out who is going to take her and grandpa 's ashes back to Norway when we get them back . So , on with life , best we can . Thank you to my Caturday family and all the other Farkers who have given me tons of support , lots of hugs and ear skritches for teh kittehs and pics of things to make me smile . My grandma loved you guize too , even if she didn 't understand most of it . lol ! Now , on wit teh kritter pics ! 1 vote : " And then . . . . And then they take silly pictures of you and put words on the pictures to make it look like you 're saying ridiculous things that you 'd never really say ! " Happee Caturday everybuddee ! About time too . : ) 1 vote : My brother sent me a picture today of three gray cats who showed up to camp out on his daughters ' playskool table on the patio : Only one of them belong to him . He 's not sure why the other two were there , but he called it a " puddle of gray fur . " Said they spent most of the day sleeping . Trump : The ongoing investigation into my family 's alleged prior wrongdoing is pathetic and politically motivated . Excuse me , did I say Trump ? I meant Bernie Sanders ( cnn . com ) » ( 71 comments )
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It Happened To Me Lesson 10 : Why Be Baptized ? ( Various Scriptures ) Lesson 9 : Why Join the Church ? ( Various Scriptures ) Mentoring Matches : How to Find One That Works Mentoring Conversations More Finding God My wife , Jeannette , and I know something about making do with a little . When we came down to Dallas to attend seminary , we had one child and another on the way . My income covered about half of our expenses for the month . During those days , the Lord provided for us in some very interesting ways . We purchased a small freezer from a friend for $ 15 . The freezer contained venison , which supplied meat for several months . Then , we received a call from a meat packing company , informing us that our " order " was ready to be picked up . We informed the person who called us that we had not ordered any meat . We were told that the meat had been ordered in our name , and was already paid for , and that all we had to do was to pick it up . Perhaps the most exciting provision was through a seminary student friend who worked at a local dairy . He could take home all the " out of code date " ice cream he could carry . There was nothing wrong with the ice cream ; it just could not be sold any longer . And so this fellow literally brought us home cardboard boxes of ice cream , which we kept in our small freezer . During those days , we became connoisseurs of ice cream , so much so that we asked him not to bring us any more " Banana Brazil Nut " ice cream . There were a few times when ice cream may have been the main course , but you would never have heard us complain about that . Compared to others , Jeannette and I can hardly claim to have gone through " hard times . " Some of you have probably seen much worse times than this . But I doubt that any of us has experienced the kind of hard times that we read about in 2 Kings 6 : 24 - 7 : 20 . In this text , the city of Samaria is under siege , and food supplies have run so short that things that are abhorrent to us were sold as food at a premium price . Worse yet , some even practiced cannibalism . These were terrible days for the people of Israel , and yet God miraculously came to their aid . While these events happened to people who lived long ago and far away , our text teaches us lessons that apply to us in our own times . Let us listen well , then , and look to the Spirit of God to guide us in our study of this portion of His Word . 24 Later Ben Hadad king of Syria assembled his entire army and attacked and besieged Samaria . 25 Samaria 's food supply ran out . They lay siege to it so long that a donkey 's head was selling for 80 shekels of silver and a quarter of a kab of dove 's manure for five shekels of silver . 26 While the king of Israel was passing by on the city wall , a woman yelled to him , " Help us , my master , O king ! " 27 He replied , " No , let the LORD help you . How can I help you ? The threshing floor and winepress are empty . " 28 Then the king asked her , " What 's your problem ? " She answered , " This woman said to me , ' Hand over your son , we 'll eat him today and then eat my son tomorrow . ' 29 So we boiled my son and ate him . Then I said to her the next day , ' Hand over your son and we 'll eat him . ' But she hid her son . " 30 When the king heard what the woman said , he tore his clothes . As he was passing by on the wall , the people could see he was wearing sackcloth under his clothes . 31 Then he said , " May the LORD judge me severely if Elisha son of Shaphat still has his head by the end of the day . " So he threw a big banquet for them and they ate and drank . Then he sent them back to their master . After that no Syrian raiding parties again invaded the land of Israel ( emphasis mine ) . Verse 23 seems to say that after the Syrian soldiers are fed and sent home , there is no more conflict between Syria and Israel . And yet in the very next verse ( 24 ) , we read that the Syrian army besieges the Israelite city of Samaria . Is there a contradiction here ? How do we explain verse 24 in the light of verse 23 ? We should begin by noting that if this were a problem , surely the author would have been just as aware of it as his readers . And if his words were to cause anyone to doubt the reliability of his account , then surely the author would have avoided saying what he has , or at least taken the effort to minimize the apparent contradiction . Several observations may help us with the meaning of the author 's words in these two verses . First , we should take note that in verse 23 , the author refers to the Syrian fighting forces as " raiding parties , " while in verse 24 he speaks of Ben Hadad 's " entire army . " I believe this difference in terminology alone would be sufficient to answer the charge that there is a contradiction in our text . The Syrians did cease employing raiding parties to attack Israel ( verse 23 ) . We never read of raiding parties again . But the Syrians did attack Israel again , this time with their entire army . A third observation is that the expression which is used here does not always imply that whatever action is terminated has ceased permanently . As I look at the passages which employ the expression used in our text ( or one that is similar ) , I see an emphasis on the cessation of some action , rather than on the permanence of that cessation . For example , in 1 Samuel 7 : 13 we read , " So the Philistines were subdued ; they did not again approach the border of Israel . The hand of the LORD was against the Philistines all the days of Samuel . " We know , of course , that the Philistines most certainly did " approach the border of Israel " later on in Israel 's history . The author is informing us that after Israel 's decisive victory over the Philistines , they ceased hostilities against Israel during Samuel 's lifetime . Afterward , the Philistines will once again attack Israel ( 1 Samuel 9 : 16 ; 13 : 3ff . ; 14 : 11ff . ) . It was David 's slaying of the Philistine , Goliath , which commenced his rise to fame and position ( 1 Samuel 17 : 1ff . ) . And so we see that the cessation of hostilities referred to in 1 Samuel 7 : 13 is to be understood as something other than a permanent cessation of all hostilities between Syria and Israel . 126 I believe the same is true in our text . Thus , Elisha 's single - handed victory over the Syrian army brought about the cessation of the surprise attacks which the marauding bands of Syrians had been carrying out , but in due time , Ben Hadad resumed hostilities , this time by assembling the entire army with which he surrounded the city of Samaria . Ben Hadad 's strategy was very effective . It focused all of Syria 's forces on one city , Samaria , the capital city of Israel . Inside Samaria was the king of Israel and all of the elders of the city . This would be something like laying siege to Washington , D . C . . Hardly a shot had to be fired . No one dared to leave the city , just as no one dared to attempt to enter it . This meant that the city was cut off from all its necessities . Our text does not indicate to us whether or not there was a shortage of water in the city . What is very clear is that the city is virtually out of food . Our passage is a textbook illustration of the principle of " supply and demand . " Food of any kind is now in very short supply . As a result , the demand is great , and the price of food inside the city has skyrocketed . A donkey 's head , we are told , sold for 80 shekels of silver , while a 1 / 4 pint of dove 's dung127 sold for five shekels of silver . It is one thing to pay a high price for a good cut of meat , or even for some staple like potatoes , but eating any portion of a donkey appears to be forbidden by Israelite food law . 128 Certainly dove droppings would not have been considered " clean " either . These things were so offensive that it would hardly have been necessary to ban them as food for an Israelite . Supplies were so scarce that such " foods " as these were almost considered a delicacy . In those desperate days , no husband came home and greeted his wife with the words , " Honey , what 's for dinner tonight ? " If he did , his wife would probably have asked , " Heads ( as in donkey head ) , or tails ( dove droppings ) ? " As distasteful as donkey head or dove droppings may be , these are nothing compared to the meal that two women shared . Even a man as wicked as the king of Israel was shocked when he heard what they had done . One of the women saw the king as he was walking by on the wall of the city . She cried out to him , begging him for help . 129 As I read the king 's response to this woman , I get the feeling that the king is not only frustrated , but he is also very angry . His words are very significant . In effect , he tells the woman not to cry out to him for help , but to God . It is almost as though he said , " Don 't ask me for food ; that 's God 's job . He 's responsible for the production of food ; I 'm only responsible for its distribution . " God is graciously reminding the king of Israel of a most important fact : he is not God ; God is . Do you remember how the king of Israel responded when Naaman showed up , letter in hand , asking that he see to it that Naaman was healed ? " Am I God ? Can I kill or restore life ? Why does he ask me to cure a man of his skin disease ? " ( 2 Kings 5 : 7 ) . The sad fact is that kings often suffered from what we might call the " God complex . " They had great power and authority , and they sometimes needed to be reminded that God alone is truly sovereign . This was a lesson that Nebuchadnezzar learned the hard way ( see Daniel 4 ) . The king of Israel had been asked to do things that only God can do , which forces him to acknowledge that he is a mere man , and not God , and that only God can do what has been requested . We should also consider the fact that it is not just kings who suffer from the " God complex , " but anyone who becomes too impressed with their position and power . The woman who pled to the king for help now explains her dilemma . Thinking they were about to starve , she and another woman made an agreement . This woman agreed to kill her son and to make a meal of him , which she would share with another woman . The other woman promised that they would eat her son the next day . But the next day she learned that the other woman had hid her son . The mother who had sacrificed her son does not spell out what she wants from the king , other than his " help . " Does she want the king to force the other woman to produce her son , but is afraid to say it ? Does she want the king to become a party to such a horrendous sin as the sacrifice of a child for a meal ? The king is horrified and incensed . You would think that he would have been angry with this woman , for the terrible sin she had committed . The heathen sacrificed their children to pagan gods , but even they did not eat them , so far as I am aware . Here is a mother who would not lay down her life for her child , but took her child 's life to spare her own . Why was the king not angry with her ? Why did he not seek to punish her ? Instead , the king vented his wrath on Elisha : " Then he said , ' May the LORD judge me severely if Elisha son of Shaphat still has his head by the end of the day ' " ( 2 Kings 6 : 31 ) . The king did not seem to grasp or accept the fact that all of this was happening because of Israel 's sin , but centuries earlier Moses had prophesied that these things would take place when Israel disregarded and disobeyed His law . He spoke of defeat by foreign armies , of hunger , and even of cannibalism . For example , we read these words : 47 " Because you have not served the LORD your God joyfully and wholeheartedly with the abundance of everything you have , 48 you will instead serve your enemies whom he will send against you bringing hunger , thirst , nakedness , and lack of everything ; they will place an iron yoke on your neck until they have destroyed you . 49 The LORD will raise up against you a distant nation , one from the other side of the earth as the eagle flies , a nation whose language you will not understand , 50 one of stern appearance that will have no regard for the elderly nor consideration of the young . 51 It will devour the offspring of your cattle and the produce of your soil until you are destroyed ; it will not leave you with grain , new wine , olive oil , increase of herds , or growth of flocks until it has demolished you . 52 It will besiege all of your villages until all of your high and fortified walls collapse , those in which you put your confidence throughout the land . It will put under siege all your gates in all parts of the land the LORD your God has given you . 53 You will then eat your own offspring , the flesh of the sons and daughters the LORD your God has given you , because of the stressful siege in which your enemies will constrict you . 54 The man among you who is by nature tender and very sensitive will look with evil upon his brother , his beloved wife , and his remaining children 55 and will withhold from all of them his children 's flesh that he will eat , there being none left , because of the bitter siege with which your enemy will oppress you in your villages . 56 Likewise , the most tender and delicate of your women , who would never think of even putting the sole of their foot on the ground because of their daintiness , will turn against their beloved husbands , their sons and daughters , 57 their afterbirth , and their newborn children , for they will eat them secretly in their need because of the severe siege which your enemy will impose upon you in your villages " ( Deuteronomy 28 : 47 - 57 ) . The people of Samaria were getting just what they deserved . No doubt Elisha told them so , but they did not heed his rebuke - and neither did the king of Israel . As he walked along the wall , people who looked up could see that under his clothing the king wore sackcloth . Sackcloth was to be worn as a public sign of mourning and repentance ( see Jonah 3 : 5 - 9 ) , yet it certainly does not appear that the king was truly repentant . He does not wear his sackcloth openly . We read of no repentance on his part . And , instead of heeding God 's word and honoring Elisha , His prophet , the king issues an order for Elisha to be killed . " May the LORD judge me severely if Elisha son of Shaphat still has his head by the end of the day " ( 2 Kings 6 : 31 ) . Like Herod centuries later , who orders that the head of John the Baptist be cut off ( Matthew 14 : 8 - 10 ) , the king of Israel swears that the day will not pass before Elisha 's head is cut off . One has to wonder why the king of Israel is so angry with Elisha , when he is God 's prophet . I believe that it is precisely because Elisha is God 's prophet . I am assuming that as God 's prophet , Elisha predicted this siege and its outcome . The king 's messenger seems to have said as much : He [ Elisha ] was still talking to them when the messenger approached and said , " Look , the LORD is responsible for this disaster . Why should I continue to wait for the LORD to help ? " ( 2 Kings 6 : 33 ) . The king of Israel seeks to kill Elisha just as Elijah before him was sought by the king . In both instances , the king wants to put God 's prophet to death for speaking the word of the LORD . Unbelievers do not wish to hear a word from God , and they certainly do not wish to hear what He has to say to them about their sin and their need to repent . Our Lord Jesus was the ultimate spokesman for God the Father ( Hebrews 1 : 1 - 4 ) , and yet He and His message were rejected ( John 1 : 9 - 11 ) . They wanted to kill Him , just as the Jews sought to kill the prophets who came before Him ( Matthew 5 : 12 ; 12 : 31 ; Acts 3 : 14 ) . My good friend , Bobbie Harmon , was discussing this text with my wife , Jeannette , and me this past week , and she made this insightful remark : " It reminds me of the Tribulation . " I think she 's absolutely right . Those who would speak for God today may suffer rejection and persecution , but in the very difficult days of the Tribulation , those who trust in God will experience great persecution . Those who hate God take it out on those who love Him . This is seen at the beginning of man 's existence on earth , when Cain killed his brother Abel ( Genesis 4 : 1 - 15 ) , and it has been going on ever since . Christians should be prepared for opposition from those who are in rebellion against God , and who do not want to hear the " word of the Lord . " 32 Now Elisha was sitting in his house with the community leaders . The king sent a messenger on ahead , but before he arrived , Elisha said to the leaders , " Do you realize this assassin intends to cut off my head ? " Look , when the messenger arrives , shut the door and lean against it . His master will certainly be right behind him . " 131 33 He was still talking to them when the messenger approached and said , " Look , the LORD is responsible for this disaster . Why should I continue to wait for the LORD to help ? " 7 : 1 Elisha replied , " Hear the word of the LORD ! This is what the LORD says , ' About this time tomorrow a seah of finely milled flour will sell for a shekel and two seahs of barley for a shekel at the gate of Samaria . ' " 2 An officer who was the king 's right hand man responded to the prophet , " Look , even if the LORD made it rain by opening holes in the sky , could this happen so soon ? " Elisha said , " Look , you will see it happen with your own eyes , but you will not eat any of the food . " We should note that on this occasion Elisha is not hiding out somewhere in the wilderness ; he is dwelling in the city of Samaria . This means that he , too , was suffering from a lack of food , just as the others in Samaria were hungry . Elisha was sitting in the house where he lived , and with him were the elders of the city of Samaria . We would hardly expect this , unless these men had come to accept Elisha as God 's prophet . It would therefore appear that the king was acting without the support of the leaders of the city , and indeed was in opposition to them . Elisha was a prophet , a " seer . " He knew the secret plans that Ben Hadad made in secret ( see 2 Kings 6 : 12 ) . He " saw " his servant Gehazi take a gift from Naaman ( 2 Kings 5 : 26 ) . And now , Elisha knows that a messenger is on his way from the king , to cut off his head . Elisha informs the city leaders who are with him and instructs them not to let this man enter when he arrives . For whatever reason , the man did gain entrance . He expresses the thoughts of the king of Israel who had sent him to kill Elisha . If Elisha had prophesied that disaster would come to Samaria , it has surely come . But if he also promised deliverance , that had not yet come , and many doubted that it ever would . The king of Israel - and therefore his servant as well - was not willing to wait any longer . He was going to have Elisha 's head for this . " Hear the word of the LORD ! This is what the LORD says , ' About this time tomorrow a seah of finely milled flour will sell for a shekel and two seahs of barley for a shekel at the gate of Samaria ' " ( 2 Kings 7 : 1b ) Within 24 hours , Elisha declares , God will completely reverse the deplorable conditions in the city of Samaria . Supplies will be plentiful , and thus the price for food will be very reasonable . There will be both barley and fine wheat flour , which will be sold for an unbelievably low price the very next day . I realize that many of the translations render verse 2 as though the " opening of heaven 's windows " were the promise of coming rains . I 'm not convinced that this is necessarily the case . In Genesis 7 : 11 and 8 : 2 , the " windows of heaven are opened , " and the rains certainly come flooding down upon the earth . In Malachi 3 : 10 , the " windows of heaven " open , but with blessings , not just with rain . In Isaiah 24 : 18 , the " windows of heaven " are opened in judgment ( not unlike Genesis 7 and 8 ) . When God " opens the windows of heaven , " something is going to come down to the earth , but I 'm not so sure that it is always rain . In the context of 2 Kings 7 : 2 , it would hardly seem that the king 's servant is speaking of rain . Rain would not produce the immediate bounty of grain that Elisha has promised . In our text , we are not told that the food shortages are due to drought , but rather are due to the siege . What Elisha promises includes freedom from the Syrian blockade ( so that food can be brought into Samaria , or so that Samaritans can go out to get food ) , and a vast supply of grain close at hand . The servant 's words indicate that even if God were to open the windows of heaven and literally pour out grain , there is no way that the prophecy of Elisha could be fulfilled that soon . God 's ability to provide for the people of Samaria vastly exceeds the servant 's imagination . Elisha responds to the unbelief of the king 's servant . He assures the servant that the prophecy of a bounty of grain within 24 hours will be fulfilled . He also informs the servant that due to his unbelief , he will not participate in the benefits . He will see the fulfillment , but not taste of it . Graciously , perhaps , Elisha does not tell the man why he will not eat any of this grain . Once again , it would seem that God delights in creating seemingly impossible situations , so that His power might be displayed . 3 Now four men with a skin disease were sitting at the entrance of the gate . They said to one another , " Why are we just sitting here waiting to die ? 4 If we go into the city , we 'll die of starvation , and if we stay here we 'll die . So come on , let 's defect to the Syrian camp . If they spare us , we 'll live ; if they kill us , well we were going to die anyway . " 5 So they started toward the Syrian camp at dusk . When they reached the edge of the Syrian camp , there was no one there . 6 The LORD had caused the Syrian camp to hear the sound of chariots and horses and a large army . Then they said to one another , " Look , the king of Israel has paid the kings of the Hittites and Egypt to attack us . " 7 So they got up and fled at dusk , leaving behind their tents , horses and donkeys . They left the camp as it was and ran for their lives . 8 When the men with a skin disease reached the edge of the camp , they entered a tent and had a meal . They also took some silver , gold , and clothes and went and hid it all . Then they went back and entered another tent . They looted it and went and hid what they had taken . 9 Then they said to one another , " It 's not right what we 're doing . This is a day to celebrate , but we haven 't told anyone . If we wait until dawn , we 'll be punished . So come on , let 's go and inform the royal palace . " 10 So they went and called out to the gatekeepers of the city . They told them , " We entered the Syrian camp and there was no one there . We didn 't even hear a man 's voice . But the horses and donkeys are still tied up , and the tents remain up . " 11 The gatekeepers relayed the news to the royal palace . 12 The got up in the night and said to his advisers , " I will tell you what the Syrians have done to us . They know we are starving , so they left the camp and hid in the field , thinking , ' When they come out of the city , we will capture them and enter the city . ' " 13 One of his advisers replied , " Pick some men and have them take five of the horses that are left in the city . ( Even if thWhen I was in college , a professor made two speaker enclosures for me , which became a part of my stereo system . I have to confess that when Jeannette was not in the house I would turn up the stereo until the dishes rattled in the cupboards . Today , young people drive around with their radios so loud you can hear them coming for blocks . Moviemakers boast of the quality of their sound track , and theaters work to have the finest sound system available . A good sound system is one that reproduces sounds as close to the original sounds as possible . I assure you that no sound system has ever been built that could compete with the " life - like sounds " that were produced outside of Samaria during the Syrian siege of that city . What the Syrian soldiers heard was so realistic that it sent the entire army into a panic . They did not attempt to retreat ; instead , every man ran for his life . When I was in Indonesia recently , the nation was in the midst of their election of a president and vice president . Things were a little tense for a while , and there were armed troops stationed very visibly throughout the city of Jakarta . On the day of the elections , some violence had broken out , and the soldiers portrayed a fierce readiness with some very intimidating weapons . They expected trouble , and they wanted everyone to know that they were ready to deal with it . But for several weeks prior to this , the military was just making its presence known . I did not see an impressive display of weapons or of fierce resolve . As one of the large trucks rolled by , carrying around 20 soldiers , I could not help but smile as I saw one soldier , sitting on the tailgate of the truck , playing his guitar . I think the others were singing . I suspect that this was very much the way it was in the Syrian camp at this point in the siege . The Syrian forces would hardly have been on alert , and they may have become downright sloppy about maintaining a state of readiness . After all , their forces greatly outnumbered any army that the king of Israel might be able to muster . They had successfully surrounded Samaria , creating a virtual stranglehold on the city . The siege had gone on for months , without resistance . All the Syrian army had to do was to wait . Either the people of Samaria would starve to death , or they would surrender . They were in no condition to fight . Whether it was late in the evening or very early in the morning , God terrorized the Syrian soldiers in the twilight hours . 132 This gave them just enough light to escape , but not enough light to fully see what was happening . It would have been something like listening to the old radio program , " The Shadow , " in the dark . It was an auditory experience unlike anything anyone has ever heard , before or since . We know that the horses were unhitched ( from the chariots ) , or unsaddled , and secured for the night ( 2 Kings 7 : 10 ) . The Syrians were probably asleep when the terrifying sounds occurred . They all heard the sounds of a massive armed force approaching and very near the camp . They had heard sounds like this before , as they advanced upon their enemies . But the volume and intensity of the sounds convinced them that the approaching army was even greater than theirs . The only army this large was that of the Egyptians , or the Hittites , or perhaps even both ! There was no opportunity to calmly assess the situation and organize a response . There was no time to think . There was not even time to get dressed , to put on one 's armor , or to hitch up the horses . Everyone panicked and ran for their lives . In my mind 's eye , I see the Syrians terrified by the thought of a massive army and of a great slaughter . They scattered into the night in their undergarments . Who would take the time to get dressed ? This is wThe first to taste of God 's provisions were four lepers . These men were outcasts , who were not allowed inside the city of Samaria . They were most likely beggars . You can imagine how much success they would have had asking for alms in these difficult times . They were in a desperate situation , and so they decided to take desperate measures . They knew there was no food in Samaria . They assumed that there was plenty of food in the Syrian camp . And so they agreed to go to the Syrians and beg for mercy . If the Syrians killed them , they would simply die a little sooner , and perhaps more mercifully than by starvation . But if the Syrians took pity on them , then they might continue to live . None of these lepers anticipated what did happen . I think that we can safely conclude that none of them acted in true faith . This was a gamble they were willing to take because they believed they had nothing to lose . And remember that seeking refuge in the camp of the Syrians was to become a traitor to Israel . Put yourself in the sandals of one of these men for a moment , and live out the drama of that moment . As they approach the Syrian camp , they see the tents from a distance . As they get nearer , they see the horses , still tied up , but they do not see so much as one Syrian . They must have made their way into the camp with fear and trembling . ( I am tempted to think that the campfires were burning , with breakfast still cooking on the fire . ) One of them works up the courage to pull back the flap of one of the tents , but no one is inside . They look in one tent and then another , but there is not one person in the entire camp ! The tents are not empty , however . Inside each tent is great treasure - food , clothing , money , and the spoils of war . The supply tents are full of grain and other food . These lepers have struck it rich . The first inclination of these four men is to gather up all the treasure they can find and to hide it . When I was young , my family used to go wild blackberry picking . These delicious berries are not always easy to findWe know that there were several servants who overheard the king 's response , 133 but only one servant offers wise counsel to the king . His words are well chosen for a king who does not believe in God . He simply encourages the king to consider what he has to lose by checking out this report more carefully . His logic is essentially the same as that of the lepers . They were all going to die anyway , so why not take a chance if it might save their lives ? The king could well afford to send a few good men to the Syrian camp to see if there was any truth to the report of the lepers . If it was a trap , and they were killed , they would have died of starvation before long anyway . And if the report was true , then the whole city could be spared . The king has nothing to lose - and everything to gain . The king cannot escape the logic of his servant 's counsel , and so he sends a small group of men to go to the Syrian 's camp and investigate . To their amazement and delight , they see with their own eyes that the lepers were right . The Syrian camp had been abandoned . The horses and chariots , food and supplies , have been left there at the camp . The road to the Jordan River is strewn with discarded clothing and equipment , as the Syrians shed every " besetting thing " 134 which hindered their rapid escape . Everything that the lepers had said was true . Let me point out something that may be worth noting . The evidence of a Syrian retreat was there for all to see , but the explanation for their flight is given only to the reader . Who would have known that God had created the " sounds of war " when there was no approaching army ? The reader is told so that he will recognize the hand of God in all of this , bringing about in a most unusual way the fulfillment of His word . I never cease to be amazed at the creativity of the Creator . He seldom works according to the same script , but each time He saves , He does so in a unique way that shows His wisdom and power . So far as I can recall , this is the only time that God saves His people in this fashion . God is never limited as to the means He can employ . I should point out something else from this miracle . God accomplishes several things at one time here . First , God rids Samaria and Israel of the Syrian army and of the threat it posed to Israel 's national security . It put an end to the blockade of the city . Secondly , it also provided an abundance of food for the people of Samaria . Isn 't this just like God ? He uses those who had come to destroy Israel , and He causes them to be the means of Israel 's deliverance . What a marvelous God we serve ! But there is possibly a third accomplishment here as well . Suppose that Naaman was still the commander of the Syrian army at this time , or at least that he was somehow among the Syrians at this camp . If this were the case , God would have spared his life without the shedding of any Syrian blood . The method God used to disperse the Syrian army did not include confrontation and warfare . God graciously spared the Syrians , as well as the people of Samaria . They were simply his " chastening rod " for disciplining the people of Israel . God 's salvation of His people , the Jews , does not prevent Him from saving Gentiles as well . 135 The last paragraph of our text ( 2 Kings 7 : 16 - 20 ) 136 emphasizes the reliability of God 's Word by stressing the fulfillment of prophecy in these events . First , God 's promise to provide food for the people of Samaria was fulfilled , exactly has prophesied ( verse 16 ) . As incredible as Elisha 's prophecy seemed , it was precisely fulfilled by the scattering of the Syrians . But there is another promise that is kept as well , one that is given even more emphasis . The king 's servant had refused to believe the promise of God 's provision , and so Elisha prophesied that he would see the promise fulfilled , but would not partake of it ( 7 : 2 ) . The fulfillment of this prophecy is described in 2 Kings 7 : 17 - 20 . The king 's servant who was sent to kill Elisha , and who doubted the prophecy of an abundance of food within 24 hours , was appointed as the " gatekeeper " by the king . ( Do you suppose that this was done as punishment for not cutting off the head of Elisha as he was commanded ? This would be like a detective being given school crossing duty . ) He may very well have been on duty when the lepers reported that the Syrians had fled ( 2 Kings 7 : 10 ) . When the people of Samaria heard the report of the king 's scouting party , they rushed toward the gate to get to the food in the Syrian camp . The king 's servant was no match for this crowd , who trampled the man to death on their way to " deliverance . " I may be working too hard at making this point , but the appointment of this servant as a gatekeeper and his death while on duty seems to be significant . As I have given this a little thought , I realized that we were introduced to this fellow as he broke through the door of Elisha 's house . Elisha had instructed those with him in the house to blockade the door , so that the servant could not enter . Somehow , the servant was able to force his way in , and thus the confrontation with Elisha that is recorded in our text . And now , it is this same servant who is the gatekeeper . The crowds break down the gates , it would seem , and the gatekeeper is crushed . It seems more than coincidental that the king 's servant would die in a manner that recalls his abrupt entrance into the home of the prophet . He who lives by the sword dies by the sword . He who breaks down doors is crushed by gates that are broken down . This is an amazing text . It shows man at his ( or her ) worst , as we see in the case of the women who covenanted to cannibalize their children . The fact is , no one looks good in our text , except Elisha . The people of Samaria show no signs of repentance , even though their plight is the result of their own sin . The king gives no evidence of repentance either , and indeed he issues an order for Elisha to be put to death . The lepers and those involved in sending out the search party to the Syrian camp do not seem to act out of faith , but only as a calculated risk , believing that they have little to lose . The king 's servant refuses to believe a very specific promise that Elisha makes of God 's provision for the people of Samaria . 137 The Bible was not written to glorify man , and it 's a good thing because man has no cause to glory , except in God . In our text , God provides for His people , not because of their goodness , and not even because of their repentance . God provides salvation ( physically speaking ) for them in spite of their sins . I cannot help but think of how much like this God 's provision of spiritual salvation is : 6 For while we were still helpless , at the right time Christ died for the ungodly . 7 ( For rarely will anyone die for a righteous person , though for a good person perhaps someone might possibly dare to die . ) 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us , in that while we were still sinners , Christ died for us . 9 Much more then , because we have now been declared righteous by his blood , we will be saved through him from God 's wrath . 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of his son , how much more , since we have been reconciled , will we be saved by his life ? 11 Not only this , but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ , through whom we have now received this reconciliation ( Romans 5 : 6 - 11 , emphasis mine ) . Now , as then , God deals bountifully with men on the basis of grace . It was not that the people of Samaria deserved anything from God , other than judgment . Indeed , their oppression at the hands of the Syrians was the just consequence of their unbelief and rebellion against God . In spite of their sin , God brought about a mighty salvation , so that we might forever marvel at His power and grace . Nowhere is the sinfulness of men and the grace and power of God more evident than at the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ , and His empty tomb . By this one great act , Jesus bore the punishment for our sins , and accomplished salvation for all who believe in Him . As I have reflected on this text , I have come to realize how much it exemplifies Deuteronomy , chapters 28 - 31 . In these chapters , Moses speaks for God , summarizing the blessings and cursings of God and their basis . It also parallels these chapters in Deuteronomy in terms of its proportions . In Deuteronomy , God promised His people that He would greatly bless them if they observed His laws . These blessings are summed up in Deuteronomy 28 : 1 - 14 - a mere 14 verses . The cursings begin at Deuteronomy 28 : 15 , and go on and on . God knew from the beginning that men would not keep His law , and that the judgment section would thus be the one that would apply to Israel throughout its history . And so we find in our text that one verse ( 7 : 16 ) stresses the fulfillment of the promise that God will provide for the people of Samaria , while four verses describe the fulfillment of Elisha 's prophecy of judgment upon the unbelieving servant of the king of Israel ( 7 : 17 - 20 ) . The " blessings " and " cursings " of Deuteronomy are fulfilled , in part , in our text . As you well know , next Sunday will be the second day of the new millennium . Y2K fears have been troubling many over this past year , and some have agonized about this for an even longer period of time . I believe that Christians should be prudent about preparing for the future . But I also think that some Christians have become almost paranoid in their fears about what is going to happen this coming week . Our text should help us put this matter into perspective . If it teaches us anything , it is that God cares for His people . The means for that provision were not evident beforehand , and they were not even clearly understood afterward . But God did provide , just as He had promised , and He did so through the very people who seemed destined to destroy them - the Syrians . Let us remember our text as we deal with our fears concerning the future . 25 " Because of this I say to you , do not worry about your life , as to what you will eat or drink , or about your body , as to what you will wear . Isn 't there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing ? 26 Look at the birds of the sky : they do not sow , or harvest , or gather into barns , and yet your heavenly Father feeds them . Aren 't you more valuable than they are ? 27 Can any of you add time to his life by worrying ? 28 Why worry about clothing ? Think about how the flowers of the field grow . They do not work or spin , 29 yet I say to you that Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these ! 30 And if God clothes the grass of the field this way , which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire to heat the oven , won 't he clothe you even more , you people of little faith ? 31 So then , don 't worry saying , ' What will we eat ? ' or ' What will we drink ? ' or ' What will we wear ? ' 32 For the unconverted pursue these things , and your heavenly Father knows that you need them . 33 But seek first his kingdom and righteousness , and all these things will be given to you . 34 So then , do not worry about tomorrow , for tomorrow will worry about itself . Today has enough trouble of its own " ( Matthew 6 : 25 - 34 ) . The Y2K bug is the result of the work ( computer programming ) of those who did not take into account the long - term consequences of their actions . They focused only on the relatively near future . It is not that programmers did not realize there would be a problem ; they simply put off dealing with it . It is interesting to me to see how concerned people have become over the consequences of Y2K . Great amounts of money have been spent to avoid potential disaster , and many have agonized about what the outcome might be . Why is it that so many people have become so concerned about preparing for the next millennium , but have given almost no thought to the coming " great millennium " - the time that will follow the return of our Lord Jesus Christ to this earth ? There is a much more serious Our text also teaches us a lesson about evangelism . here is the feeling among some that evangelism comes from the " top - down . " e don 't see much of this top - down evangelism in the Bible . e do see the Israelite slave girl telling Naaman about the God of Israel ( 2 Kings 5 : 2 - 3 ) , and here in our text , we read of four lepers telling the people of Samaria where to find bread . vangelism does not place the emphasis on the messenger , but on the message , and on the great need of those who are lost to hear the good news of the gospel . ou and I may be beggars , my friend , but if we have come to faith in Christ , we have found something that the world desperately needs . ust as the lepers would have sinned by not sharing their discovery with those who were perishing , so you and I sin when we keep the good news of the gospel to ourselves . This text teaches us about faith . I think that there is an important principle for all of us to learn here : " Do not limit your faith to what your mind can imagine . " The king 's servant could not imagine how so much food could become available so quickly ( even if the " windows of heaven " were opened ) . That did not keep God from providing the food He promised . Unbelief only prevented the king 's servant from partaking of this bounty . Too often I find Christians trusting God only as far as their imagination will take them . But let us remember our text , and these words that Paul has written : 6 Now we do speak wisdom among the mature , but not a wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age , who are perishing . 7 Instead we speak the wisdom of God , hidden in a mystery , that God determined before the ages for our glory . 8 None of the rulers of this age understood it . If they had known it , they would not have crucified the Lord of glory . 9 But just as it is written , " Things that no eye has seen , or ear heard , or mind imagined are the things God has prepared for those who love him . " 10 God has revealed these to us by the Spirit . For the Spirit searches all things , even the deep things of God ( 1 Corinthians 2 : 6 - 10 , citing Isaiah 64 : 4 ) . This text is in complete harmony with the rest of the Bible in that it encourages the people of God to persevere and to hold fast until our Lord provides what He has promised . The king 's servant was not willing to " wait for God " any longer ( 6 : 33 ) . The two women were not willing to believe God 's promise of divine provision , and thus they covenanted to cannibalize their children . God often waits till the last moment to provide what He has promised , so that we might learn to persevere , and to trust Him . There are those whose marriages are not what they had hoped . Many who have been disappointed in their marriages have abandoned them . They were not willing to wait on God . There are those who have greatly desired to be married to a godly mate , only to despair when God does not answer as quickly as they had hoped . I know of all too many who have hastily entered into marriage with an unbeliever , fearing that this was their only chance . And those who have done so have , without exception ( in my experience ) , come to regret it . Sadly , I must also say that I have known of some who concluded that life 's problems were too much for them to bear , and who have taken their own lives . How sad that they did not wait to see the provision of God for their needs . For a few moments , let 's refocus on the events of our text . Suppose that we were able to observe the city of Samaria by satellite , that we were able to " zoom in " on the city , to see these events , and to hear the conversations . We look down on Samaria and see Elisha preaching on the city streets . We hear him informing the citizens that their plight is the result of their disobedience to God 's laws , and their rebellion against God . He is also promising them that God is going to provide , and that they will not perish , and this within 24 hours . Next , we zoom in on the two women as they are sacrificing the first child for a meal . In their minds , there was nothing else they could do . They were convinced that they would starve otherwise . We now switch to a wide - angle lens . We see the city of Samaria from a distance . We see the Syrian troops who are encamped outside the city . And off in the distance we see a caravan approaching , a caravan that has come from Damascus , loaded down with a fresh shipment of supplies . We watch as those supplies are brought into the Syrian camp and unloaded into supply tents . And then we look on as the Syrian soldiers scatter , fleeing for their lives ( or so they think ) . Both the Syrian soldiers and the people of Samaria were guilty of failing to perceive reality - to see things as they really are . We can excuse the Syrian soldiers because it was God who deceived them . They could believe nothing other than what He intended for them to believe . But the people of Samaria were different . They had God 's Word , and they had God 's prophet , Elisha . They were told why they were suffering , and what they should do . They were promised that God would provide abundantly for them . And yet the people of Samaria refused to believe . When we see things as they really are , we see that a good and loving God is in control . We see that it is our sins that have brought our suffering upon us . And we see that it is God who provides the solution for all of our needs . May this text help us to see our world more clearly , and to learn to trust and obey our great God . 127 Some commentators tell us that this is not dove 's dung , but a kind of seed pod ( so NIV ) . I 'm not convinced , and neither are most of the translators , as can be seen by the fact most translations render it dove droppings by one expression or the other . Frankly , " seed pods " are not nearly as detestable as dove dung . The writer of our text wants us to know that things have really become desperate in Samaria . 130 The same Hebrew word ( Elohim ) is used in 2 Kings 6 : 31 ; 1 Kings 19 : 21 ; and Kings 20 : 10 . Most often it is used to refer to the God of Israel , but pagans also use it in reference to their " gods . " One might argue that the king of Israel used the term in the pagan sense , but if not , then he has now learned to curse in the name of the God of Israel , rather than the gods of the pagans . How ironic that the king would take an oath in the name of the same God whose prophet he intends to kill . 131 The words of Elisha would more literally read , " Is not the sound of his master 's feet behind him ? " ( So , NASB , NKJV , etc . , even the NIV ) . These words do pose a bit of a problem in that we read nothing indicating that the king actually did arrive at Elisha 's door . Surely we do not wish to say that Elisha , the " seer " was wrong . He was right in " seeing " that this servant was coming , and that he intended to cut off his head . I believe that we have a couple of options which would provide a reasonable explanation . First , we could assume that the king actually did come , but that for some reason , he did not kill Elisha . In this case , it may be that the city leaders talked him out of it . For whatever reason , the author did not choose to focus on this event . The other possibility is that Elisha was using a figure of speech , which would be more loosely rendered , " Isn 't he coming in his master 's place , to carry out his master 's evil intent ? " The king is virtually " present " with the servant in what he is doing . I am inclined to this last option , though I must confess I have not seen it suggested elsewhere . 137 I am surprised by Wiseman 's statement : " God never fails to meet the need of his people when they trust him . " Donald J . Wiseman , 1 and 2 Kings : An Introduction and Commentary ( Downers Grove , Illinois , U . S . A . ; Leicester , England : Inter - Varsity Press , 1993 ) , p . 212 . I see no " trusting " here , but only unbelief . Gratefully , God is faithful even when we are not ( 2 Timothy 2 : 13 ) . Related Topics : Character Study Bob Deffinbaugh Robert L . ( Bob ) Deffinbaugh graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary with his Th . M . in 1971 . Bob is a pastor / teacher and elder at Community Bible Chapel in Richardson , Texas , and has contributed many of his Bible study series for use by the Foundation .
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One day I was feeling especially " French " and decided to order a pizza for my son Andrew via telephone . Speaking a foreign language face to face with a native speaker is difficult enough - but at least you have intonation and hand signals to help you out if you run into trouble . When you are speaking over the phone you remove any advantages . I called the pizza parlor and ordered a Margherita Pizza in my best French . The person on the line seemed to be protesting , but I did not understand enough French to understand what they were saying - so I assumed they were telling me the price of the pizza and when it would be ready for pick - up . I waited about 15 minutes , then loaded Andrew into the car and headed to the pizza parlor . When I arrived I asked for my pre - ordered pizza but everyone looked puzzled . I explained that I had called in advance and ordered it . An English speaking customer explained this to the shop owner but they insisted that they had not received a call from me . I quickly realized that I had dialed the wrong telephone number and I probably called a little old woman who 'd been trying to tell me that her home wasn 't the pizza parlor . ! ! ! PIZZA MAN FROM PALAVAS TO THE RESCUE About the fourth day of our trip to France , I was still having trouble with getting Andrew to eat French food . Somewhere in his mind he decided that it wasn 't good and he was refusing to try anything new . We arrived home one evening and when we got off the bus on our street , we could smell the aroma of delicious pizza baking . Andrew looked at me with a wide grin and said " that 's pizza . " About one block later we found the source . It was a small kiosk manned by a French man making one pizza at a time . He quickly realized that Andrew and I spoke English and to our delight he could speak English as well . The pizza kiosk became one of Andrew 's favorite spots . When Andrew came home one Friday with homework , I was dumbfounded . It was a page of french sounds and words . There was also a portion where he had to match a picture with it 's corresponding name ( french name ) . I couldn 't help him with this work . I had an idea . I grabbed the homework and took Andrew by the hand and off we went to ask our Pizzaman for assistance . As our pizza order baked , he patiently reviewed Andrews 's homework . Teaching both Andrew and me the french words and sounds . I was staying at my Friend Rowena 's house but her heat wasn 't working . Our friend Sonja arranged for a repair man to come to the house . As is custom in France , the repair man and his assistant ( neither spoke English ) were taking off for the lunch break . The man tried to explain to me what time he would return . He said " quatorze heure . " I didn 't really know the word quatorze but it sounded like quatre - which means 4 . I assumed he would return at 4 : 00pm . France recognized what we American 's consider military time . What he meant was 14 : 00 , which is 2 : 00pm . Oooppps . He arrived back at the house at 2 : 00pm , I did not arrive to give him access to the house until 4 : 00pm . CAN WE ALL JUST GET ALONG AND SYNCRONIZE OUR CLOCKS ! ! ! LOL . In my early days of driving here in France . My car would often stall . Trying to get out of a security gate was always a challenge because it would close before I could get the car through it . I decided to go grocery shopping in a supermarket , close to the center of a busy city . When I pulled my car into the parking lot , the lever opened automatically , but I did not receive a ticket . I pulled into the lot then the gate descended behind me . I looked back at the security device and thought " how am I going to get out of here ? ? ? " I parked the car then walked back to the entrance . There was a sign , so I decided to read it . I needed to know how I was going to exit this parking lot when I finished my shopping . I walked up to the sign , then realized that it was totally in French . DARN ! ! ! ! ! There was only one word I recognized . It was the world " Code . " But did code in French mean the same thing it means in English . I wasn 't sure . I decided that my only recourse would be to finish my shopping , pack the car then wait for another shopper to exit the lot and quickly follow them out without the lever having a chance to come down and bang my the car . Throughout my shopping I was concerned about how I was going to exit the parking lot . I finished my shopping and was checking out and bagging my groceries , when the cashier tapped my shoulder and in broken English asked if I drove to the supermarket . I said " Qui " and she pointed to the bottom of my receipt which had the code I needed to use to exit the parking lot . WELCOME HOME One day while I was driving back from an excursion to a small French market , a barking dog drew my attention . I looked in the direction of the barking and saw a gate opening and a car driving through the gate . Even in the distance I could tell that it was a man driving - possibly driving home from work . As he parked and got out of his car , his trusty dog ran up to greet him . This seemed normal to me until the dog was joined by two horses . All three animals were waiting their turn to be petted by the man . In my heart I truly hoped that Andrew and I would be able to stay in France for the length of a full school year . That dream has been lovingly altered . Andrew is back in the United States . My baby " toughed " it out here in France with me for 3 months . I commend him for being brave and withstanding the challenges that were thrown at him daily . A new country , new language and new school would be overwhelming for most adults , but my little boy handled it . Sometimes he managed well other times the obstacles overtook him . Either way I am still so proud of him . He has learned a few french words and terms . He can eat a baguette with the best - of - them . He can find a French fast food joint without the help of a GPS . Andrew endured the long tram , bus and eventually car rides . He withstood the play yards and more often than not , played by himself - because no other child spoke English . He was his Mommy 's daily dinner companion . I will miss him . In so many ways Andrew made this trip to France possible . It was our desire for him to gain a larger perspective of the world that inspired the trip to include him . It was his education that was at the forefront of deciding where we would live . It was our concern for him that encouraged me to connect with American women who live here . That connection has transpired into at least two amazing new friendships . It was concern for him , that inspired others to be good to us since we 've been here in France . During this trip Andrew and I fought , cried and rejoiced together . There were some parenting challenges that brought me to my knees . For him , I am sure there were some moments with his mother that he would choose to forget . I will miss him each day I continue to stay in France in his absence . Knowing that I of course will be reconnected with him back in New Jersey gives me some solace . But this was a journey we started together . We surmounted the obstacles together as a team . I will miss my pint - sized partner . I long for the days when I could peacefully have a cup of tea or take a long shower without hearing " Mommy , can you help me " or " Mommy is my breakfast ready " or " Mommy can you play with me " " Mommy I can 't find my this or that " or " Mommy I don 't want to go to bed . " Being the solo parent is overwhelming for me because I truly am a loner . Nothing is more pleasing to me than time spent alone . However , solo parenting is the temporary job I took on when I chose to come to France . Just 6 weeks into our France adventure ( early November ) , I needed a vacation from my " vacation . " While Andrew was on a school break we took a mini vacation . I wanted someone else to be in charge of making up the beds and preparing the breakfast . Following a recommendation , from my friend Sonja , we headed to the Provence region . Provence is known for its growing of lavender . We visited a city on the coast called Cassis . Upon arrival we purchased tickets for a boat tour through the nearby coves . It was a chilly day on the water , so Andrew and I huddled together in our seats . There were eight passengers in total . A couple with their two children , an oddly dressed man ( he was wearing Bermuda shorts ) with his toddler , Andrew and me . I watched as my little guy bobbed and weaved along the deck , balancing himself with his arms extended from his sides , to stay upright on his way to the helm . He confidently steered me and the other passengers through the choppy waters . The other passengers were laughing and smiling . I had a look of terror on my face . We spent the night in an amazing port town called La Ciotat . Many French people don 't even know of this lovely place . I now consider it my hidden jewel . Here we found floating crafts of all kinds from fishing boats to luxury yachts . The port is surrounded by restaurants - where patrons " People watch " and observe docking boats . It 's laid back and unpretentious . La Ciotat makes the list of places I will visit again . I assumed that he meant that he had finally made a friend and she happened to be a girl . I replied " Oh that 's nice honey what 's her name ? " Andrew responded " Aloha . " It seemed like an odd name so I repeated " Did you say Aloha ? ' " " Yes Mommy . " I asked him " Is she from Hawaii ? " Andrew said " I don 't know , but she speaks French . " OK , she 's not from Hawaii ! I would later learn that this little girl began school the same time that Andrew began in early October . She is French and lives in a village called Juvignac , just north of their school . She has taken a liking to Andrew . The teacher tells me that Aloha makes sure that she always sits next to Andrew and ensures that he has his share of whatever is being given out in the classroom ex . Crayons , legos , paint etc . She is his little French advocate . In a conference , which I had with Andrew 's teachers , they were describing some challenging behavior being displayed by Andrew . Aloha somehow doesn 't seem to mind Andrew 's mis - behaving . In fact , her English teacher jokingly said . " She likes the bad boys . " His comment was funny . It would have been much funnier if he wasn 't referring to my kid as the " bad boy . " At about 4 : 20 , the children are allowed to play in the school 's backyard . Parents arrive at various times between 4 : 30 - 5 : 30 to pick up their children . I was retrieving my little boy who - was dressed in his jeans , Old Navy long sleeve tee - shirt topped with his now infamous blue down vest . As I walked down the side of the school building toward the backyard , I could hear the sounds of the children screeching , laughing and jovially speaking in French . When I reached the backyard and was in my son 's full view , he came running to me with a pretty little girl close behind him . As usual , he pounced on me and yelled " Hi Mommy , this is Aloha . " I smiled at the child and said " Hi , I mean … Bon Jour Aloha . " She smiled shyly and said " Hi . " She sat down and patiently watched me prepare Andrew to leave . Once I deemed him ready to go , the two children hugged each other . It was a loving hug reminiscent of a wife sending her husband off to work in the morning . It was so sweet . On Monday Andrew had a disturbing cough . I would not have sent him to school , but this was the day that his long - awaited French tutor was to begin . So much paperwork and effort had gone into this University student coming to work specifically with Andrew that I would have been inconsiderate to cancel at the last moment . I took Andrew to school and told the teacher that I did not want him to play outside in the afternoon . I wanted to avoid the cold air in his lungs , as he ran and exerted himself during playtime . His teacher agreed . When I came to retrieve Andrew that day he was playing with magnets on a chalkboard in one of the classrooms . He wasn 't alone . Sweet little Aloha was by his side . When Aloha discovered that Andrew could not play outside , she must have volunteered to play indoors with him . I watched them play for a while . The girl 's mother arrived and then she called to her child … . . " Laura . " " Did she say Laura ? ? ? ? ? " It appears French children have a different pronunciation for the name Laura . They call the girl something that sounds like Aloha . We prepped our children for the cold weather and they wouldn 't leave each other until they hugged . Don 't get it twisted … . Aloha … . ( I mean Laura ) is no pushover . On Thursday the children were pretending to be in a band . Each was playing a musical instrument . Aloha ( Laura ) had a child - sized accordion . She was joyfully playing it when Andrew ran up to her and decided he wanted to play with it . She held that accordion tightly under her arm . She didn 't let it go . I concealed my laughter and thought to myself " You go girl . " Andrew conceded and found a harmonica to play ( no wonder he had a cough - with that many kids sharing a " germy " harmonica ) In a few moments they 'd both forgotten the accordion incident and when it was time for the children to part , they gave each other their traditional hug . Thanksgiving is exclusively an American holiday . The unique celebration is observed in the United States regardless of your race or faith . It 's our honoring and remembrance of what the pilgrims and Native Americans shared in the New World . The holiday is a big deal for the Choice family . My husband and the members of Million Man Montclair - which was formed in 1996 after the Million Man march on Washington - have been serving Thanksgiving annually to senior citizens of our surrounding community . It 's a hectic time as donations and food are collected . Cooking begins days in advance in preparation of the 100s of people that will be fed . Volunteers gather on Thanksgiving morning to form lines , as plastic take out containers are passed from one person to the next - assembly line style - stuffing , sweet potatoes , mac & cheese , greens , gravy and of course turkey are spooned into the containers . Once the containers are filled , there are other volunteers waiting to deliver them to the homes of waiting seniors , and home - bound citizens . It 's a morning filled with a buzz of activity as the volunteers scatter around the facility to make sure everything is just right . On that day I hear the name " Wally " 100 times . Volunteers call out my husband 's name to ask him questions . Where are the napkins ? Is there another pan of sweet potatoes ? How many dinners do we need to fill this order ? The volunteers are loyal , each returning year after year to man their station . I haven 't cooked Thanksgiving for years . The Choice Family eats the leftovers from the senior 's meal . We are so dogged tired at the end of the day - the thought of firing up the stove and baking anything is unappealing . One of the volunteers usually tops off our personal family meal with a homemade cake or pie . Surprisingly , now that I am in France , I missed that Thanksgiving Day hustle and bustle . I missed the look of the senior 's faces when they receive a warm meal delivered to their door . I missed the appreciation that they inevitably show . Here comes the cavalry . Again the America Woman 's Group of Montpellier , France comes to my rescue . On the Sunday before Thanksgiving they hosted a pre - thanksgiving potluck luncheon - with members bringing their favorite dish . I brought my sweet potato casserole , which was no easy task considering it 's tough to find sweet potatoes or yams in France . We had a second Thanksgiving celebration the following day , when my friend Rowena returned to France . Our friend Sonja and I surprised Rowena with a homemadeThanksgiving luncheon , including roasted chicken , mac & cheese , stuffing , sweet potatoes , sautéed zucchini and of course a selection of wine . No meal in France is complete without the wine . Andrew has not had his hair cut since we 've arrived here . It was long overdue , because he hates for me to comb or brush his hair . He wiggles and complains for each stroke . I had no idea how to begin searching for a barber . I noticed another boy in his class with textured hair , so I asked his mother for a suggestion . She spoke only French and so through an interpreter we agreed that we would take our boys together for a haircut , during their two week school break . That never happened . Later I hand wrote the same mother a letter in French - but she never responded . Dead end . Riding on the tram last week I noticed a female African hair salon . I noted the address and thought I would return to it and ask for a recommendation . To my surprise as I continued to observe the passing buildings on the same street , I saw an African man sitting in a barber 's chair having a haircut . Yeah , now I have a place to take Andrew . With Andrew in tow , I walked back to the Salon to make an appointment . There were three mean in the salon at the time , a customer and two barbers . My French is awful , but one of the barbers spoke some Spanish . I can communicate in Spanish , so we were able to converse . He was willing to cut Andrew 's hair on the spot , no appointment needed … . which is surprising because everything in France requires an appointment . There was a problem . I had been on the hunt for a barber , but Andrew was unaware of that fact . He was taken by surprise that I wanted his hair to be cut . He was unprepared and insisted that these strange men were not going to cut his hair . He told me that he could wait until he went back to the United States where his usual barber , Mr . Mahir could cut his hair . I explained , cajoled , and practically begged Andrew to let one of the barbers cut his hair . Andrew was having no part of this plan . When the barber approached him with the shears , Andrew cried LOUDLY . He squirmed , kicked and fussed . As a southerner would say " He was cuttin ' up . " Andrew was convinced that this hair cut would hurt . It took what felt like a lifetime ( 20 minutes ) to calm him down enough to have the haircut . Andrew wanted his regular barber who he 'd come to trust to be the sole person to cut his hair . Mr . Mahir knows how to cut it . He knows how to make Andrew comfortable . Plus Mr . Mahir has a lollipop waiting for Andrew when he behaves well . Andrew did not know this new barber and he certainly did not know if there would be a candy treat following the hair cutting procedure . We were the first Americas to visit the little salon . They were thrilled to hear me and Andrew speaking in American English - even if it was an exasperated mother talking to an out of control 5 year old boy . The barbers had heard American English ( as opposed to British English ) spoken in movies and television . They did not understand the words but loved the tone and intonation . They tried to imitate what we were saying using sounds and grunts . It was so funny to me . On a recent day trip Andrew and I stopped by Haribo , one of the largest candy manufacturers in France . The factory offers a tour of its facilities - so I thought it would be something a 5 year old might enjoy . It was during a French school holiday and I should have been prepared to stand in line . When we arrived there was a line of at least 200 people . There isn 't enough candy - making in the world to make me stand in a line that long . We skipped the tour and went straight to the factory outlet store ! ! ! We bought a few postcards and souvenirs . Next door was a parking lot with those inflatable balloon kid fun stations . That 's where we decided to spend our time , but we did take some photos before we left the factory . I took Andrew to two Halloween costume parties . One held at the home of a member of the American Women 's Group and the other at the French American Institute in Montpellier . He insisted on wearing the same costume to both events . He is in love with the Power Rangers . In traveling to France , I came with only a carry - on bag filled with clothing for both me and my son . I was flying stand by and did not want to get separated from my luggage . I did not want my checked luggage to be potentially headed to France while I sat in the airport unable to board the plane because the flight was overbooked . I also wanted to be very mindful of my little boy who can be curious . I did not want him to walk away from me and get lost as I fussed with too many suitcases . I asked my husband to purchase a coat for our son , and to add it to the box before he shipped it . Via Skype , he showed me an insulated vest that he bought for Andrew to wear - confirming that the size was right for our growing little boy . It was a simple dark blue vest designed to be layered atop a sweater or sweat shirt . I gave my Mommy approval for the item and Wally packed it on top of everything else that was in the box . The shipment was held up in French customs for more than a week . I had to ask my friend Sonja - who has lived in France for 19 years and who speaks fluent French - to help me get my box released . After several calls and e - mails , the big heavy brown cardboard box was delivered to me . When I opened the box , the first thing I saw was the vest for Andrew . A flood of tears sprang from my eyes . I could not control my emotions . Why was I so tearful ? What was causing these crocodile tears ? It did not feel like sadness OR tears of joy . It was some strange overwhelming emotion , I am sure I had never experienced before . All I know was that I could not stop crying . A few days later that same emotion swept over me again . This time I could identify this feeling . I was having an experience with overwhelming gratefulness . I am a truly grateful person by nature , but this was different . The sensation overcame my body and I lost control . I am so grateful to be in France at this time . I am so thankful for the unbelievable friends I have made since I have been here . They have been so generous with their belongings , time and friendship , especially Rowena . I am amazed and grateful that the Internet provides me with a way ( via Skype and e - mail ) to stay in touch with my American friends and family " live . " There is no time delay . I can talk to and see them instantly .
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About Us The Life Without School Blog is an on - line publication and blogging community . We homeschool . We unschool . We live our lives without school . For some , life without school begins as a conscientious choice that is whole - heartedly embraced . For others , it begins as a quest for second chances and new opportunity . . . . Read more about us . We support life without school , diversity of perspective , choice , the family and the child . No one blog , not even this LWOS blog , can possibly represent the opinions and lives of all who live life without school . Each blog does , however , in some small way represent one life , one family , once voice , one lifestyle out of many who choose to live life without school . A perspective does not tell me what is right for you . A persective shares a view into what is possibly right for me . No one perspective should hold a human being , especially a child , prisoner to its expectations . I belong to an eclectic local homeschooling network e - list . The e - list description states : We are an eclectic and inclusive homeschool support list for homeschoolers and those seeking information about homeschooling . We are a secular ( not religiously affiliated ) list valuing diversity and tolerance . We appreciate and accept that everyone homeschools and parents in accordance to their own methodologies , styles , philosophies and conscience and are united by our common love of our children . Each individual family and child is unique and valued here . New members are welcome ! Please feel free to create what you need here ! The more the merrier . Remember that it only takes two families to make a play group , field trip , park day , etc . Several events have started that way and some happily continue that way . Co - ops and planning groups are asked to plan off - list but encouraged to post events to the list . As Earl Gary Stevens describes in his article Our Non - Directed Support Organization published in the 1995 May - June issue of Home Education Magazine , our network is a non - directed support venue . We have no organizational structure . We have no fees . We have no requirements to join other than one be a homeschooler or interested in homeschooling . Anyone can create , plan , organize what they need . Anyone can inform others of and invite others to activities or events that they might wish others to join them in . What makes our network work is the desire of parents to meet the needs of their children and their families . What works is allowing people to define what works for them and to create what they need . So far this year , as individuals , as groups of individuals , and as separate planning groups we have created and invited others to the following : Each creation listed above has its own community , and we participate with others across these communities . No one person or group of people controls the list or the activities that we plan . The network list serves as a venue for people to connect to plan and coordinate . One group of planners does not monopolize the list or the flavor of the list . The specifics of planning are taken off the list to other venues ( either personal meetings , personal emails , or to smaller more specific on - line planning venues ) . This keeps the network list clear of planning chat details that others may not be interested in or able to keep up with and hopefully keeps the network list relevant , concise and easy to stay tuned in . What I like about our network list is that it allows people to be different . It also allows people the freedom to be individualists who create and participate here and there as they feel comfortable , and it allows people who like to plan and work with others consistently to do so . No one personality or style rules the direction of the list ; no one personal or group desire or need rules the direction of the list ; no one homeschool or parenting philosophy rules the direction of the list . We are all free to be who we are and to create what we need with others who have similar needs . We , for instance , are " unschoolers " and do not plan group oriented teaching / learning activities . We like to plan for play time with friends . We participate in Park Days , Our World Magazine , Roots and Shoots , Seasonal Crafts , Waldorf / Earth Centered Festivals , Junior Girl Scouts , Middle School group activities , and field trips that appeal to us . Many families are more structured and directed in their learning objectives for their children and plan activities that mirror their goals . Some like to plan learning co - ops with others . Some might participate less in organized activities if they spend more instructional time at home , or within the community at large . Other homeschool organizations and community facilities offer classes for hoI like this freedom . To me it represents the spirit of homeschooling and reflects and supports the reason we all homeschool . We like to be in charge of our lives , and we all want to meet the individual needs of our children and our families as we best see fit . We are free to create and free to change direction at any time . If plans don 't work for us , we can ditch them , revise them , and move freely forward in the direction that best fits individual needs . This is what the freedom to homeschool allows . No strings attached . No obligations other than to oneself , one 's children , one 's family , and one 's community as much as one desires . What I also like about a non - directed , " create what you need " venue is that it allows for diversity of thought and action that keeps doors open to ideas and perspective , while allowing one the right to be who I am today . I am constantly learning from others . I am coming out of my shell of insecurities as I learn from others taking charge of their own lives . I am reinforced daily that what works for you may not work for me , or maybe sometimes , I can learn a thing or two from you . Robin is a homeschooling mom of two and a natural living enthusiast currently in the school of hard knocks taking graduate courses in Lyme disease . October 26 , 2008 in About Authority , About Autodidactic , About Choice , About Creating A Life , About Homeschooling , About Lifestyle , About Parental Choice , About Parenting Without School , About Self - Empowerment , About Special Needs , About Unique Individuals , About Unschooling , About Waldorf , About Why We Homeschool , About Working with Others , More by : Robin | Permalink My older daughter recently started taking horseback riding lessons . It takes some faith and courage to get on a horse for the first time . You are far off the ground on a creature that is exponentially heavier than you . I watched as she groomed " her " horse , Tiny , and climbed on his back for the first time . The facilitators of the horseback riding program made it possible for her to mount Tiny by herself by setting a scaffold - - basically a large set of wooden steps - - beside the horse . Then they stood by as she climbed on his back and walked beside her as Tiny trotted into the riding ring . The role of a home schooling or unschooling parent is a lot like that , I think . A child chooses a direction - - as my daughter decided she wanted to learn to ride a horse . Her mentors provide the support she needs to succeed , not unlike a simple , sturdy wooden scaffold , and walk beside her . However , the real experience - - riding a horse and learning to communicate with it and guide it - - is a journey no one can take for her . This is a difficult thing for me . It 's akin to what unschoolers mean when they talk about trusting the child - - and say that this is the heart of their philosophy and they way they live . It is hard to stand beside my child , providing the resources and other supports she needs , and not guide . Yet there are times in our homeschooling journey when we need to do just that , because this is what the child needs to achieve her goal and own her accomplishment . Knowing when this is one of those times - - a moment neither to guide or push - - is hard for me . Allowing myself to trust my own instincts , and actually do this , is even harder . My older daughter recently decided she wanted to write a novel . Naturally I have plenty of ideas on how she can develop her plot and characters and enrich the story she 's writing . I am full of ideas for other people 's work , even if my mind seems sterile when it comes to my own . : - ) Instead I provided a little scaffolding ( a term I borrowed from RDI ) by helping her type her manuscript , beOctober 22 , 2008 in About Autodidactic , About Choice , About Collaborative Learning , About Homeschooling , About Interest Driven Learning , About Parenting Without School , About Self - Directed Learners , About Unschooling | Permalink Checklist for the New Unschooler by Becky Fall is in full swing around here and it 's hard not to notice the changes . Friends and neighbors that we played with all summer have long disappeared back into school rooms . Well meaning adults in the community are constantly asking my kids why they 're not in school . Even though we live in a place where homeschooling is not necessarily an unusual choice , we are reminded daily of our unique choice to live life without school . Fall doesn 't mean back to school or back to homeschool classes for us . As unschoolers , we make choices based on what suits our family 's interests , Winter , Spring , Summer , and Fall . But I do find at this time of year , that it is comforting to remind myself of why we do what we do . Explaining this to the clerk at the grocery store or the volunteer at the library refreshes my memory and helps me to stay clear as I navigate this unschooling life with my children . All of this reflecting and pondering made me think about what it was like to be a new unschooler . One thing I wish I had been given was a checklist . Something to hang onto and refer to when fear and self - doubt were looming large . The outside world and mainstream culture don 't usually offer much comfort . It 's helpful to have some back up when you really need it . So , here goes : My Checklist for the New Unschooler 1 . Remove the word " educational " from your vocabulary . Resist the urge to ask yourself whether or not the games , videos , comic books or activities your children choose are worthwhile . It 's all worthwhile in the grand scheme of things . If you just can 't let go of the need to have a hand in what they choose , simply leave interesting things " laying around " the house ( with no expectations , of course ) : a new library book or a deck of cards on the coffee table , a roll of stamps and some stationery on the kitchen table , you get the idea . 2 . Slow down and relax . Don 't feel the need to fill up your days with loads of activity . Leave room for spontaneity and just hanging out , with no agenda . Don 't over schedule . The beauty of an unschooling life is that there are no musts . If life gets busy and overwhelming , stop . Breathe . Take a moment to decide how to proceed in a way that will align with your values . Try to ignore the belief that more is better . Take advantage of the time you have just being together as a family and see what happens . Creativity and wonder creep in easily when you 're not racing around and busy all the time . 3 . Make sure that cool stuff is within reach . This means games , puzzles , art supplies , kitchen staples , books , maps , notebooks , pens , staplers , duct tape , hole punches , envelopes , address books , dice , clay and anything else that your kids like to get their hands on . Keeping items within reach makes it a whole lot easier for your kids to be independent and get creative on their own terms . 4 . Make time for the things you enjoy . If you love to garden , paint , swim , read , sing , cook , ride your bike , hike in the forest , browse book stores , or make jewelry , then be sure to do it ! Your children will notice that you do what you love , and they 'll be freed up to do the same . Passion and creativity are contagious . They may even join you ! 5 . Have fun . It 's what children do best , and with some luck , we adults can follow their lead . If there 's one thing our children have to teach us , it 's how to stay fully in the moment . Anything is more fun when you 're focused and free of worry and fear . The laundry and the dishes will still be there when you 're through . Go have some fun . 6 . Don 't be afraid of being called a flake . Unschoolers are notorious for dabbling , which to schoolish folks appears flaky . Choose your activities carefully and don 't be shy about speaking up when some thing 's not a good fit . The beauty of life without school is that there is no need for compulsory anything . . . . . anything ! If you or your child can 't remember why you 've decided to do something and the joy is gone ( or never existed in the first place ) it 's time to reevaluate . Your sanity and quality of life are more important than someone else 's idea of following through . 7 . Allow yourself to be imperfect . We 're all human . We all screw up and snap at our kids or say the wrong thing . Spending more time with your kids means a higher likelihood of losing your cool . Don 't sweat it . Learn to say you 're sorry and move on . It 'll be okay . If nothing else , you 'll be giving your children permission to do the same . Children ( and adults ) who are allowed to feel their feelings ( all of them ) and take responsibility for them , end up being emotionally healthy people . 8 . Remember that what other people think of you is none of your business . Chances are , if you 're chosen unschooling , you stand out a bit in the crowd . Not everyone understands why we do what we do , and that 's a good sign . It means you 're challenging mainstream beliefs about kids and adults and families . You know what works for you , and that 's all that matters . Spend time with parents who interact with their kids the way you do ( or the way you 'd like to ) . Limit your time with people who challenge your self esteem , especially in the beginning . Surround yourself with allies in person and otherwise , if necessary ( read unschooling blogs , books , e lists , and magazines ) , to counteract that little voice questioning your every move . 9 . Chose the relationship over your need to be right . Preserving your relationship with your child will prove to be the high road when it comes to petty arguments and power struggles . Try , " I 'm sorry . " , or " You might be right . " instead . Unschooling as a parenting style means choosing to spend more time with your child than the average parent . Use that extra time to strengthen your relationship rather than break it down . 10 . Trust your children . Completely . Wholly . Unconditionally . It will be scary . You will wonder , at times , if you 've gone completely bonkers . You won 't , however , be sorry . Before questioning or second guessing your child 's intuition , ask yourself if you would respond in the same way to an adult . If not , think twice before speaking up . Children treated with respect and trust are more equipped to reflect that back to the world around them . Becky is the unschooling mother of three ( Janey , 12 , Macy , 10 and Charley , 7 ) attempting to raise her children with compassion and respect . She taught elementary school for 9 years before discovering unschooling when it was time for her oldest to go to Kindergarten . She credits Sandra Dodd , Mary Griffith , Jan Hunt , and just about every other person she interacted with at her first HSC Home = Education conference 6 years ago , as her inspiration to find a more natural way of living and learning with children . She is a passionate and radical transportation activist and is starting a non - profit carsharing organization in her town . You can read more of what Becky has to say at http : / / lifewithoutschool . blogspot . com She can be reached at ashlandcarshare @ gmailcom . Today , Jessica , Peter , Michael and Theo came to visit before their move to Ireland . They 're relocating from San Francisco , which is close , to Dublin , which is far . When they left , the boys drug out the big map of the world , in order to see where Michael is going . Tonight , we 'll have potatoes and cabbage , we 'll talk about the Irish portion of our heritage , and we 'll get a sense of Ireland . This sort of conversation happens at our table all the time . We live in a marina , and people are constantly coming in from somewhere interesting or leaving to go somewhere interesting . The big world map gets taken out a lot . I 've gotten into the habit of pointing out who we know , where they are , what they 're eating , and what the language spoken there sounds like . It 's not comprehensive , but it 's enough to be intriguing . Right now , the marina is swarming with folks heading from all over the place to join the Baja Ha - Ha cruising rally down the coast to Mexico . Mexico ! Oh , the food ! Oh , the language ! Oh , the music ! Mexico is easy , because of the proximity . Easier than the Galapagos , anyway . The boys are already vaguely familiar with the Spanish language because of their exploits in Puerto Rico with Dora . And Mexican food is an integral part of our eating anyway ; one of the many bonuses of being Californian . But that 's what provided the bridge for them to realize that as you speak Spanish in Mexico and Puerto Rico , there are other languages in other places that you speak when you go there . We 've had all kinds of fun playing around with Tahitian , Fijian , and Hawaiian . Especially Hawaiian ; the language sounds like a waterfall , and we 've found several excellent Hawaiian Rap bands that the boys love listening to . Nothing like dancing with your language lessons , and knowing at least how to say " please " and " thank you " everywhere you go . Jim and Juanita , who sailed here from Maine ( technically three seas away , even though it 's the same country ) , live one dock away from us and will be sailing the South Pacific in three months . We 've talkedSeptember 28 , 2008 in About Compelling Interest , About Curiosity , About Embracing Life , About Exploring , About Learning Together , About Lifestyle , About Unschooling , More by : Laureen , Re : Geography , Re : Home Ec , Re : Languages , Re : Music , Re : Social Studies , Re : World Studies | Permalink Peter and I had an interesting conversation recently after a friend told him why she didn 't like homeschooling ( at least the way we do it ) . She said she thought home schoolers aren 't challenged enough , that if something is hard , they just don 't do it . He wondered what I thought . We had a great conversation , and I wish I had it recorded , but here 's a summary of what we said : Public schoolers look at life and learning differently than we do , and that 's why they come to this conclusion . To most everyone in our society , learning is scripted and preprogrammed by someone else . Learning is like a machine you enter , have things done to you , and when you come out the other end , you are " educated . " Some of those prescripted things are fun , some aren 't , and if you could possibly refuse to partake in some elements , you would come out " defective . " We look at learning from the other side of the universe , it seems . We see it as a process of discovering who you are as a human being . The things you enjoy and find easy are the things you might be gifted at and are worth your time developing . Then as you pursue your interests , you might come to a wall . Are you interested enough to keep working and break through that wall ? Peter is interested in philosophy right now . He 's listening to lectures on Heidegger 's book Being in Time . This is not easy reading , by any means , yet he wants to understand , so he spends his free time reading , thinking , and talking about this book . How many graduated seniors choose to spend their time this way ? If we subject children to a daily , yearly barrage of information and practice they hate , we are running the risk of killing their love of learning . We are teaching them that learning is a chore that has to be endured . No wonder kids act like caged animals set free when school 's out . And no wonder so many adults stop learning ( reading , pursuing new things ) because they are so burned out by their " education . " Or even worse , they 've learned they are low on the intelligence scale and had better just give up . If Peter had to pick a subject that he considers hard , it would be math . He 's good at it ( 99th percentile ) , has studied up to a beginning Calculus level , but he 's ready to stop . He 's just not interested in studying any more math . If , however , he decides to go into a field that requires upper level math , he 'll take a class in college . It all depends on his goals . How many stories have we heard of people going to college later in life , even people who were poor students in high school ? It 's the motivation and eyes on the prize that propel us to do what we really want to do - - and succeed . And sometimes we need the perspective of time away from institutional school to see who we are and what we really want out of life . Kids who have the privilege of finding that out early have the advantage and don 't have wasted years trying to " find themselves . " What if we could look at learning and education a whole new way ? I 'm thinking of a children 's book by John Trent called The Treasure Tree : Helping Kids Understand Their Personality . I don 't own this book , and it 's been many years since I read it , but the idea stuck in my head . There are four friends , a lion , a golden retriever , an otter , and a beaver . Each represent different personality types and different strengths . As each uses his strengths , they are able to face challenges and overcome obstacles . But what if they were forced to all have the same strength ? What if they lived in a world where they did not have the opportunity to fully develop who they are ? For example , what if the lion had to spend most of his time in swimming lessons to make up for his " deficiency , " but since the otter found swimming easy , he had to take extra classes in Stalking Prey ? Or what if we introduce a bird curriculum developer into the picture . Now all these animals have to take flying lessons . What 's wrong with finding out what you are good at and going for the gold ? Maybe those things that are hard for you aren 't really worth your time unless you actually need that skill to reach your goal . I guess the bottom line is to give kids lots of exposure to diverse fields to help them find what they love , the things that excite them and seem easy . I 'm reminded of a quote by Thomas Edison , " I never did a day 's work in my life . It was all fun . " This quote is from a man who spent every waking hour experimenting until he held over 1 , 000 patents , including the electric light bulb . Fun doesn 't necessarily equal wasted time ! I will say that traditional schooling does a fairly good job of exposing kids to various fields of study . They get to dabble in a lot of things . But the problem is perpetual dabbling , forced dabbling , and no freedom to dive in completely . Jena began homeschooling in 1994 . Her three children are now teenagers ; one is graduated and attends the University of Chicago on a full ride scholarship , the next one is 16 and pursues life without school in the arts , and the youngest is a freshman , trying out public school for the first time . In 2005 they bought a 7000 square foot church building and converted it into their home . You can read more about their adventures on her blog , yarns of the heart . September 12 , 2008 in About Homeschooling , About Interest Driven Learning , About Unschooling , More by : Jena | Permalink My three kids and I live in a community of 9 homes that were all built at the same time . Actually , we built them , all of us . . . . nine families , together . . . . all at the same time . It took us ten months and plenty of blood , sweat , and tears ; but we did it , together . It 's Labor Day weekend . The last hurrah for those on a school schedule . Today , we held a yard sale to sell the last of the power tools that we now no longer need because we are done building our homes . There are 12 kids living in these 9 homes , so of course we sold cookies and lemonade as well . We baked and wrapped and squeezed and made cardboard signs most of the afternoon yesterday and the kids set up their bake sale tables , while the adults organized the tools , the random boxes of nails , the extension ladders and hard hats , and that dang shop - vac that we 've all been tripping over in the shed . There was so much excitement in the air . We moved into our homes back in December , and many of us needed to majorly hibernate for a few months after such a huge project . So now , when we get together for a potluck or an outdoor project , there is a familiar energy . Something like picking up that old guitar again and remembering how to play . Most of the tools sold by the middle of the afternoon . The bake sale was a huge success . The kids made enough money for us to plan an ice cream party later in the week . Macy ( middle daughter , age 9 ) made nearly 6 bucks face painting . I think she only got up out of her chair twice in 6 hours . She was in heaven , and now we are all walking around with little flowers and pumpkins and rainbows on our cheeks . One of the highlights of the day was the potluck . Sunny played his guitar the kids played basketball and rode scooters and bikes and skateboards until well after dark . We ate and laughed and and sang , and the kids played some more . Friends and neighbors dropped by . I was tired . The kids were winding down . I thought for sure we were saying our goodnights and on our way to bed . And then I looked up . The stars . I laid down on the sidewalk and stared . Wow . Every time I do this , I can 't believe how long it has been since the last time I found time to do this . Absolutely breath taking . Within minutes , 6 kids ( my three and three others ) had joined me . Janey , my 11 year old saw her first shooting star . Is that really possible ? I had a moment of guilt . Maybe we haven 't been looking up often enough . She , however , was thrilled . Gus , our 5 year old neighbor , came racing over when he heard our collective ooohs and ahhhs . Janey tried explaining to him what a shooting star looked like . She finally settled on : " Just keep looking up . You 'll know it when you see it . " We laid there , mostly in silence , broken only by the gasps and ponderings : How do the satellites not fall to Earth ? Where is Orion 's belt ? Which planets can we see right now ? Are stars hundreds , thousands , or millions of miles away ? What 's that cloudy stripe down the center ? Will the sun ever be a shooting star ? What would it be like if there was no sun ? Could we still eat pork sausage if we had no plants ? And my favorite , " Are we upside down ? " These are the moments in life when I am reminded of why I choose to be an unschooler . Our life is rich and full and the learning is spontaneous and relevent . It 's Labor Day Weekend . There 's not a school supply in sight . And I saw 4 shooting stars tonight . Becky is the unschooling mother of three ( Janey , 12 , Macy , 10 and Charley , 7 ) attempting to raise her children with compassion and respect . She taught elementary school for 9 years before discovering unschooling when it was time for her oldest to go to Kindergarten . She credits Sandra Dodd , Mary Griffith , Jan Hunt , and just about every other person she interacted with at her first HSC Home = Education conference 6 years ago , as her inspiration to find a more natural way of living and learning with children . She is a passionate and radical transportation activist and is starting a non - profit carsharing organization in her town . You can read more of what Becky has to say at http : / / lifewithoutschool . blogspot . com She can be reached at ashlandcarshare @ gmailcom . by Becky I knew this Summer Theater Conservatory was going to challenge me . The director was clear from the initial audition that it would be intense . Fun , no doubt , but intense . Five weeks , 9am until 4pm , Monday through Friday , plus homework ! Homework ! I 'm not sure I 'm cut out for this . The problem is , it 's just not about me . Macy , my ten year old , decided to audition for this camp back in April . I was shocked . She 's always loved to sing , and she 's been dancing with the same instructor for over three years now , but my Macy loves her free time . I wouldn 't have pegged her as a candidate for a completely scheduled summer . Last Spring , she told me she felt a little over scheduled . Her weekly knitting class ( 1 hour a week ) and her art studio class ( 3 hours a week ) were feeling like a bit much . She complained she didn 't have enough time to just " hang out " . For Macy , just " hanging out " means time to draw , listen to music , read , or just play with our neighbors . As an unschooling family , we typically do a lot of hanging out . Getting a spot in the summer conservatory would mean a lot less hang out time . It was going to mean a major lifestyle change . The audition was indeed rigorous . Kids were asked to prepare a memorized monologue , a memorized Broadway show tune , and be ready to learn and perform a choreographed number . I figured this was going to be one of those fantastic but disappointing life experiences , where she 'd try really hard and give it her all , but wouldn 't quite make the cut . After all , she 's only 10 . She 'd have years to refine her dramatic talents . Secretly , I was hoping she wouldn 't make it . I mean , it 's not that I don 't want my kids to achieve their goals , or be happy . But , I enjoy our open schedule . I like being in jammies until noon . Of course , it wasn 't up to me , and she made it in the conservatory . She was thrilled . I was thrilled for her . I was ! But that was way back in May . Now we 're on week 2 , and I 'm exhausted . We 're up early packing a lunch and getting Macy to the bus stop . By the time she gets home , she 's tired and hungry , and still has homework to do . . . did I mention the homework ? The other night , as I was helping her with a music theory worksheet , I lost it . She was confused and couldn 't remember which notes equaled which counts and it was late . I began to question the whole experience . Worksheets ? Monologues ? Memorizing ? Where was the fun ? Where was the spontaneity ? I began composing the letter of complaint to the conservatory director in my head . And then , I took a deep breath . I looked at my daughter , dutifully filling out a Musical Math Worksheet and happily filing her Actor 's Personal Biography in her binder . Oohhh , that 's right . This isn 't about me . This is about Macy . She chose this very intense , very new activity . She enjoys it . She 's having fun . I 'm the one who is still de - schooling myself . I 'm the one with very strong opinions about busy work and structured classrooms . Oooops . One more reminder that this life without school isn 't just about me . It 's good for me to be reminded of that . I find that my passion for my children and for unschooling can sometimes cloud my vision . There are times when I need to be gently reminded that the whole point in this child raising gig is to eventually let go . The fact is , I really miss Macy when she 's gone . I 'm not used to her spending most of her waking hours elsewhere and there is a big part of me that would love to be there with her . But I suppose I can find comfort in the fact that she is doing what she loves because she wants to , not because she has to . The whole point in choosing unschooling has been to follow my children 's lead . Macy has led us all here . It wasn 't my choice , but I 'm here anyway . I 'm letting go , so that she can eventually come back . Becky is the unschooling mother of three ( Janey , 12 , Macy , 10 and Charley , 7 ) attempting to raise her children with compassion and respect . She taught elementary school for 9 years before discovering unschooling when it was time for her oldest to go to Kindergarten . She credits Sandra Dodd , Mary Griffith , Jan Hunt , and just about every other person she interacted with at her first HSC Home = Education conference 6 years ago , as her inspiration to find a more natural way of living and learning with children . She is a passionate and radical transportation activist and is starting a non - profit carsharing organization in her town . You can read more of what Becky has to say at http : / / lifewithoutschool . blogspot . com She can be reached at ashlandcarshare @ gmailcom . It has taken me a good while to arrive at an idea of success that sits happily in my own mind . And this idea may seem very ' insignificant ' to others , because it had nothing to do with grandiose goals or achievements ; it is very ' in the moment ' and very close to the earth . I believe my success is closely linked to my thankfulness for life and therefore it is pretty easy for me to feel successful every single day . I gave up on ' career ' success a long time ago when I managed to lift the black cloud of depression from my life . All thoughts of material success in the outside world faded at that time . They were part of the reason I became depressed in the first place . I had found someone who made me feel inspired with every single moment of my life , just as it is . And then I had children . I think part of the wish to homeschool lies in this ( selfish ) desire to continue living my life ' in the moment ' with the people who manage to do it effortlessly - my two girls . My small successes now come in the form of staying true to myself and my inner needs and fulfilling the needs of my family , which actually all roll into one big thing . I have never really thought of it in this way before but success for me is living harmoniously and joyously with myself , with those I share my life with , the immediate environment around me and the world at large . I get to this state through every day moment - to - moment ' being ' . It is as simple as that . I believe that this is true for a child too . I believe they have no real concept of future goals or achievements . When you look at a child engrossed with the play of water on its hands or fascinated by the movement of autumn leaves caught up by the wind , you get to realise that the only thing that is ' real ' for them is the present moment . And left to themselves , they will become fully immersed in it , learning all they can from the direct experience of what it has to offer . When an adult comes along to impose some kind of goal onto the world of a child , requiring that something be produced in order that it may be measured , something falls out of balance . The present moment shifts into a future expectation . The flow is interrupted . Whereas before , a child may be passionately - for instance - writing about something that grips his imagination , totally caught up in the moment and totally at one with and expressing his true self . Now , he thinks about what to write , whether the topic is good enough for the adult , if the handwriting is legible , if it is too short or too long . He may become blocked on a word he cannot spell and so on . When this happens , the present moment will elude him and what may have been something totally satisfying to the passionate child becomes a ' product ' that he will be measured against . It is in this way that we learn about other 's expectations of us early on . And this translates into what we perceive as success later in life . But how often does this success correspond with what we are truly passionate about ? It is such a shame that we feel compelled to measure success in ourselves and others , though it seems that our lives are becoming more and more embroiled in how we ' measure up ' to these definitive expectations . And one person 's idea of success may of course , be another 's bitter failure . So why do we have the idea of succeeding at all ? Because it is good for society as a whole , yet hard on the individual who must strive for something that doesn 't really exist . We falsely learn to measure our successes on teacher / authority / society 's superficial standards . Set because they are an easy way in which one individual can be compared to another . But true and meaningful successes can only be judged by us and us alone , and we should be left to discover their subtleties in our own time , in our own unique way , without impedance from an outside party . They may be something as ' insignificant ' as getting along with other members of the family , caring for the world around us or learning how to treat other children kindly , things that could never be judged as a ' success ' by authority , as they are so hard to measure . But it is these indefinable things that ultimately define each and every one of us . I believe that homeschooling can help our children grow up with these indefinable qualities intact . By teaching kids at home we can step out of the restrictions of enforced qualifications and other imposed measures of success and run free with children who stay true to themselves . It gives them a chance to get caught up in their own joyous exploration of life , safe within a family unit that does not define their successes for them , but is there to provide them with any help they may need in defining their own sense of self - achievement . Lune is an English mummy who started homeschooling at the beginning of July 2008 . She lives in a small mountain chalet in the French Alps with her dear other half and their two girls Bubble ( 5 ) and Squeak ( 2 ) . Follow her on her blog http : / / quatrepattes . wordpress . com Reading is the number one , most important thing you can do for your child 's education . Reading starts your child on the path of following his interests as far as he wants to go . That 's obvious , right ? I am always surprised by the number of moms who stress out about all the things to cover in kindergarten and first grade . My suggestion has always been , " Teach them to read , and then just let them go . Reading is the door that opens the world to them . " I didn 't start early reading lessons with Peter ( my first ) , but I read to him a lot . We read a couple books every night before bed . Sometimes I 'd run my finger along the line of words to show him that what I was saying matched the letters . He knew the names of the letters , and I 'm sure we talked about letter sounds and recognizing words , but only in an off - hand kind of way . When he was five or so , I got out a one - page list of all the basic sounds in English and their corresponding letters . Each letter / sound combination had a representative word printed in tiny letters underneath . I stuck it on the refrigerator , and every morning over a bowl of cereal I 'd bring up a couple letter sounds . And we might look for words that started with that letter on the cereal box , or think of other words to test out that information . It would take about five minutes and he was off doing something else . Driving in the car I might point out a street sign and talk about the letters and what it said , or find other ways to bring up letter / sound relationships . We did that for a couple months . Then one day at the library , he was looking at a string of letters on the wall above the bookshelves . He turned to me and said , " Yeah , reading really is magic . " What ? ? I looked up and saw that the librarians had taken the Halloween theme and cut out letters and pictures to make a display that said , " Reading is Magic ! " And that was the beginning of Peter 's reading career . Teaching reading isn 't so hard , I thought to myself . And if Peter had been my only child , I probably would still believe that . I assumed Meg would follow the same path , but reading never clicked with her the way it did with Peter . When the one - page , no - frills phonics sheet didn 't help , we went to workbooks and Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons , Sing Spell Read and Write , and Explode the Code . I 'm not an alarmist , but her inability to catch on to reading started to concern me . I knew she was intelligent and was just fine socially and physically , but the reading thing really had her stumped . Once in awhile my husband would try to teach her to read and they 'd work through some curriculum , but it always ended with Meg in tears . She really wanted to read , but she just couldn 't get it . I read somewhere that Woodrow Wilson didn 't learn to read until he was 12 , and he went on to be the president of Harvard and the president of the United States , so I resolved not to worry until she was 12 . I was afraid the stress of trying to learn to read might make her hate reading all together , so I down - played the whole thing as much as possible . Then one day , when she was between 10 and 11 years old , we were sitting in church where words to a song were projected on the screen . She leaned over to me , and with a big smile , whispered , " I can read that ! " And that was it . She started reading like crazy , catching up with lightning speed . Spelling was difficult for a long time , but I reassured her that she 'd only been reading a year or two , so it made sense that she 'd be a little behind . But now , with all the practice she gets with texting and instant messaging , her spelling abilities are just fine ! ( A friend pointed out that this can actually hamper a child 's spelling ability , so I asked my kids . It turns out they have a certain texting program that forces them to spell out most words . They are always double - checking their spelling with me , so I knew they were getting lots of practice . ) Melissa , the youngest , was more like Peter . As I was trying to teach Meg to read , little bitty Melissa would chime in with the answers . I tried to hide her reading ability so Meg wouldn 't get too discouraged , but after awhile , that was silly . No one made a big deal out it , and we all focused on our strengths . As I look back on those years , I am even more thankful we homeschooled . Meg would have been labeled learning disabled and probably held back a grade or two . That would have devastated her . Today she is a bright and confident young woman , a gifted artist , and a vocalist . She 's been in several local theater productions , playing the lead in at least two . She thinks she might want to study Music Theater in college . And her favorite hobby ? Reading . Jena began homeschooling in 1994 . Her three children are now teenagers ; one is graduated and attends the University of Chicago on a full ride scholarship , the next one is 16 and pursues life without school in the arts , and the youngest is a freshman , trying out public school for the first time . In 2005 they bought a 7000 square foot church building and converted it into their home . You can read more about their adventures on her blog , yarns of the heart . July 14 , 2008 in About Homeschooling , About Learning is Personal , About Natural Learning , About Unschooling , More by : Jena , Re : Reading , REAL STORIES : REAL LIVES , RS : Reading | Permalink " We always felt free and trusted yet also very well cared for . " ~ Carol 's kids In May of 1979 I was 14 , my sister was 12 , and my brother was 8 . It 's thirty minutes till Mom gets home ! We sprang into action . We 'd been given a list of things to do for the day and we hadn 't even started ! The three of us and whatever friends happened to be there at the time raced through 3200 square feet of house trying our best to complete the whole list . The vacuum cleaner mowed through the long , gold , shag carpet while dishes were flying , clothes were being tossed through the air , toys were being shoved into place , and something edible was being concocted in the kitchen . Our mom was a professional musician and single mom who had to work long hours . It may seem like we were all afraid of the consequences of not fulfilling " the list " , but that couldn 't be further from the truth . Our Mom was never the " obey without delay " type . Her easy going style was always totally nonjudgmental , merciful , and joyful . She had respect for us and we respected her in return . We worked so enthusiastically to complete our list because we actually wanted to complete it for our hard working , single mom . The only reason we even had a list was because we asked for one . She would come through the door proclaiming that she had the best kids in the world whether or not we had done any house work at all . Sometimes she was met with a messy house full of kids making music , or a dining room table full of ridiculously large paintings , drawings , or sculptures . Sometimes she walked into a quiet house where we were all having a serious ( to us ) philosophical discussion about something like how cool Buddha was or whether stars were really that old or if they had been created by a god with the illusion of age , much like in the " loaves and fishes " Bible story . ( meaning that the loaves of bread weren 't really made from actual wheat that had been grown and made into bread , but that they were supposedly miraculously created in the spur of the moment as loaves of bread , and the fish weren 't fish that had grown from fish eggs into adult fish ready to be eaten , but that they were created in that moment as grown up fish … ) More than once she came in while we were in the process of rearranging the furniture . One time she came home to find her deck missing , having been reduced to a small stair case just outside the back door , and a new tree house in her back yard . Every day , when she broke from the huddle of kids who piled around her when she came in , she would go to the kitchen to see what was brewing . No matter what it was she 'd say it was just what she was in the mood for . We 'd all pile around the kitchen table or sit on the counters or floor or wherever we felt like landing where We weren 't like those kids who usually have a lot of externally imposed structure in their lives , or who weren 't accustomed to taking responsibility for the way they used their time . Very little was required . Pretty much everything from bed times to what to eat to what activities to participate in was up to each of us individually . For some who are used to having to be told what to do this might be anxiety producing and overwhelming . For our friends , and certainly for us , it was one of the best aspects of life at our house . We were trusted with a lot . We were expected to live responsibly , and we didn 't even think of living any other way . We never tried to sneak around or get away with something that was forbidden . Our mom talked openly with us about everything , making sure we knew her view of right and wrong . But we were allowed to make our own mistakes , and when one of us made a not so wise decision , she was there for us when it blew up in our faces . She always allowed us to reap what we sowed . She compassionately let us go through any natural consequences for our actions , never judging us and always staying right by our side until it was over . And when we made better decisions , she was always there to celebrate us and cheer us on . We were instilled with depth and strength of character . Carol 's kids had maturity , drive , self assuredness , compassion , and openness . We weren 't afraid of vulnerability . She made us feel like we could conquer the world . And we did . We are now in our late 30 's or early 40 's , living happy , productive lives with our spouses and as parents of the next generation of unschoolers . We are still a very close family and our kids are more like siblings than cousins . We all feel like we have conquered the worlds we have each created for ourselves . Our unschooling experience provided us with everything we needed to grow up into creative , loving , responsible people . My brother is living joyfully with his wife and son and working with some of his best friends as the IT administrator of | It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure , to embrace the new . But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful . There is more security in the adventurous and exciting , for in movement there is life , and in change there is power . ~ Alan Cohen Real people are choosing to live life without school worldwide . Reasons may vary ; stories and experience may vary . But we share in common the question , " What is best for my child ? " Read stories & vignettes from the lives and experiences of those choosing to live life without school . Please feel free to express your experience , thoughtful perspective and personal opinions in the comment boxes that accompany posts . Comments in the form of questions submitted to this site may be used to create the You Asked page or as leads to new posts . Your stories and experience make this weblog ! Read : How to Contribute . Regarding Submissions . Copyright & Legal Info Copyright © Life Without School Publications , LWOS Publications , 2006 All rights reserved . Please feel free to link to this site but do not copy material and / or reproduce for distribution without permission . Authors of articles retain the rights to their own articles which may not be reproduced for distribution without their permission . Articles may be properly linked only to sites which are not used for commercial purposes . LWOS Publications and authors reserve the right to deny or repeal authorization to link / distribute at any time . Comments in the form of questions submitted to this site may be used to create the You Asked page . Legal Notice
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Movement : I 'm feeling some flips and flutters . The best part was when I was out walking one day last week and I tried to pick up the pace . She didn 't like that too much and gave me a good ' ol kick to show her disapproval . No clue where these guys got their name , but I do know they are fantastic ! I am currently on a butterscotch flavor kick where I butterscotch chips to any sweet I can . I have not been disappointed with my recent creations : - ) Here is one I found and tailored to fit our taste buds . It 's very easy to get caught up in the " want , want , want " mentality that surrounds this time of year . We very easily fall into the trap of lusting after things we do not have instead of being thankful for what we do have . I know that no matter how hard I try , the greedy Grinch in me comes out at some point every year to make an appearance . This year before that green monster comes , I 'm going to recognize what I DO have and how grateful I am for it . I am so grateful for David . There really are no words for wonderful he is to me . My eyes have been opened to this even more in recent weeks and I hope that they never close to these things . He has been angelic with my pregnancy moodiness and probably deserves sainthood for all that he has to put up with from me these days ! a healthy pregnancy So many do not have a home to go to or a warm meal at night . I am fortunate enough to have both , and much more . What are you thanking God for today ? ? One of the best smells I 've ever come across is that of cinnamon sugar almonds roasting . For many years I was only able to enjoy it when the local Renaissance Festival came to town . Then , the mall started joining in on the fun with booths in the middle of the walkway . Then , things got super real when I discovered this recipe to make them at home ! It was super easy ( minus the 20 minute increments of stirring ) and worth every minute of waiting . Added bonus ? The house smelled ah - mazing ! Dear Mayans , What 's up with all this crazy talk ? If I had to hear one more student mention the world ending this past week , I probably would have lost my mind . You couldn 't have kept it going for another few hundred years or so ? I mean , how hard can it really be . . . Dear students , We made it ! I hope y ' all are enjoying every minute of your first day of break . Be sure to thank your parents for all that you do for you on a regular basis , but especially this time of year ! Dear Davido , You 'd think that after you do the Alabama thing for 6 months I 'd be used to you leaving . Not so much . Your girls are very happy to have you home . I hope you don 't have another trip planned for any time soon because we 're not letting go ; - ) Dear Apple , I am super impressed with your stellar customer service . From the moment I walked into the store I felt like royalty . You were able to fix my problem in a timely manner and not even charge me for it . Now , that is awesome . Want to pass on some of that knowledge to other stores ( * cough * Pandora * cough * ) . Posted by From the moment we found out we were expecting , I have wanted to work on the Nursery . My lives - in - the - real - world husband was good about reminding me we should probably wait a bit before until we decorate because I 'm likely to change my mind 15 times . He 's so wise , that one . We knew the room that we would use as the Nursery namely because it was the only room in the house without furniture in it . We go for simplicity around here , folks . So , when I was about three and a half months pregnant we went ahead with the first step of painting . Choosing a color wasn 't difficult because we knew we wanted this to be the Nursery for any future children we had - boys or girls . We went with a neutral color referred to by Lowe 's as " tranquility " . Honestly , it 's a lovely sea foam green color . Something that would look good with blue accents for a boy and pink accents for a girl . We dove right into it on a Friday evening and finished in just a few hours . Minor touch - ups were completed the next day but overall it turned out pretty well ! We decided not to purchase any furniture because my super sweet and generous aunt had furniture from my cousins she was more than willing to pass along to us ! And before any one freaks out my last cousin isn 't even in kindergarten yet so things still meet code : - ) We saw it for the first time at Thanksgiving , and I couldn 't wait to get it home and set up . It sat in my parents ' garage for a few weeks before they kindly brought it down to us . We made plans to put it together this past weekend , so imagine my surprise when I come home Friday afternoon from a long week at work to see this . . . My sweet husband had put it all together to surprise me ! I sure got a good one : - ) The next step ? Wall hangings . We picked up some things when we were in Boone a few months ago that I can 't wait to put up . After that we 'll get a dresser of some sort and bedding then we should be all set for her ! It 's making it all so much more real ! It was a Tuesday ( Community Group night ) and we needed dessert , what 's a girl to do ? Raid the pantry of course ! I knew I had a boxed brownie mix on hand and a few other things , but didn 't want to go the traditional brownie route . Thus , these delicious treats were born . Be prepared to enter a sugar coma in 3 , 2 , 1 . . . Ingredients 1 package brownie mix 3 eggs 1 / 4 cup water 1 / 3 cup vegetable oil 2 cups flaked coconut 1 cup chocolate chunks ( I chopped up Hershey kisses , but chocolate chips would work too ! ) Directions Preheat oven to 350 . Spray 9x13 pan with nonstick cooking spray . Prepare your favorite brownie mix according to package directions . The amount of eggs , oil and water included above are common to most prepared brownie mix instructions , but follow your box says Bake 16 - 18 min or until brownie is set . You are just trying to set the batter , not finish it . Layer coconut and chocolate chunks over brownie base . Drizzle sweetened condensed milk evenly over coconut and chocolate chunks . Sprinkle with nuts . Dear Mother Nature , Way to throw us all for a loop ! 70 last week and 27 this morning ? Wowzers ! At least it 's beginning to feel a lot more like Christmas : - ) Dear students , I know we are a mere four days away from break , but I 'm gonna need y ' all to chillax . Yes , we still have to do work . No , we can 't just sit there and play games . Together we can survive to next week ! Dear Starbucks , How is it possible that your one little drink can bring so much happiness ? Thank you for creating the deliciousness that is a peppermint mocha . Now , how about y ' all drop the price a smidge so I don 't feel so guilty every time I partake ? Thanks ! Dear Emerson , So it just really hit me that we 're over halfway to meeting you - holy smokes ! Keep doing your thang and baking away because we are nowhere near ready ! Dear Davido , I hope you have the very best time next week as you kick start your Christmas vacation early . Enjoy every minute of it because come next year it may not be so easy to sneak away ; - ) To be perfectly honest , I 've had a hard time getting into the spirit of things this season . Maybe it 's the fact that it was seventy degrees here last week , maybe it 's the fact that I was practically done shopping in October , perhaps it 's the fact that I haven 't had the energy ( or time ) to do any baking this year , or maybe it has something to do with the fact that we 'll be at school until December 21 . Oof . Whatever the reason , I 've been feeling a bit Scrooge - ish this season . I 've tried to fight it by blasting Christmas music whenever we 're home ( and even when we 're not . The princess listens to it while we 're at work . Pathetic , I know ) . We light up the Christmas tree as soon as it gets dark . We 've even started watching Christmas movies , though that 's more for my benefit than my sweet hubby 's . Needless to say , I 'm still struggling . I think all I really need is some downtime . A little R & R with David and Daisy by the fire and I 'll be back into the groove . Until I can get that I 'll be blasting Christmas music in my classroom , eating candy canes , and giggling at these ecards to get into the mood ! Emerson We picked this name out for a girl even before we were engaged . I was volunteering in the Nursery at our old church in Raleigh and a little girl names Emerson came in with her parents . I had never heard the name before but I thought it was beautifully unique . I mentioned it to David and he said he liked it too . This surprised me because he usually goes down the more traditional route . Fast forward four years and we find our we are pregnant . We immediately decided if we were to be blessed with a little girl , then Emerson would be her first name . We 've already shortened it and have started referring to her as Emmy too ! No , I didn 't sneeze . That 's going to be her middle name . All the first - born girls on my mom 's side of the family received this as their middle name ( me included ) . When I was super young I didn 't understand the importance of it , but now that I am older I appreciate the story behind it . The name was originally our Scottish ancestors ' surname and has been carried on in our middle names since then . Maternity clothes ? Some things . I 'm still able to wear some of my other stuff , but the maternity clothes are much more comfortable at this point . Have y ' all ever heard of the " belly band " ? ? It 's magical ! I think everyone - pregnant or not - should invest in the wonderfulness of this clothes stretcher . So , somehow I ended up with an extra can of pumpkin in the pantry . What to do , what to do , what to do ? Bake , of course ! Here is a yummy recipe for pumpkin bars ! Preheat the oven to 350 degrees . Combine the applesauce , sugar , oil and pumpkin . Stir together the flour , baking powder , cinnamon , salt and baking soda . Mix the dry ingredients and the pumpkin mixture until thoroughly combined . Dear sweet baby girl , You sure are a stubborn little thing , aren 't ya ? Every time we try to take pictures of you , you flip and flop all over the place . Please get out of this habit as soon as possible so I can take the gajillion photos of you I have planned for the rest of your life : - ) Dear crazy December , Whoa , whoa , whoa . Who said you could be this insanely busy ? Enough of these eleven and twelve hour days . This is supposed to be a time of resting and enjoying others ' company . That can 't happen if I 'm running around like a madwoman . Dear Cuties , Thank you for being so positively delicious AND healthy . I must admit that your addictive nature has taken me completely captive . Are you still healthy if someone eats an average of four of you a day ? Dear Dr 's Offices , What is going on with these ridiculous waits ? ! I can kind of understand why it takes so long at the nephrologist 's because there are a bunch of old people with lots of questions , but all the others ? ! ? The two hours we spent at the OB this week was insane ! Any chance y ' all could work on this ? Have you ever heard of CrossFit ? I hadn 't either until this past April when it invaded David 's workout regimen , and thus our lives as well . The concept ( at least what I understand it to be , though I 'm sure my husband will correct me ! ) is in order to become the best you have to constantly vary your workout and challenge yourself to do different things . There is a Workout Of the Day ( WOD ) every day with different exercises . You try to do as many repetitions of those exercises in a certain amount of time . It is very competitive , which is one of the reasons David loves it so much . He was introduced to this phenom by a friend of his at work , and has since got into incredible shape . It does all of this from our garage since it is pretty costly to frequent a " box " , or gym . Before I go any further I must tell you that this is SO not my cup of tea . His grunts and shouts during the workout , and extreme exhaustion following it , are not my idea of a good time . He loves it though , so CrossFit will continue to be a part of the Mobley vocabulary . All of that mumbo jumbo leads me to our Saturday morning - his first competition ! The local minor league hockey tea was hosting it as a benefit for the Wounded Warriors Project . He had to see how many calories he could burn rowing for a minute , then he would see how many shoulder presses he could get in a minute ( with 75 pounds ) , then take a 30 - second rest , then do as many ball slams he could get in a minute ( weighing 30 pounds ) , then do as many kettle bell swings ( weighing 35 pounds ) as he could in a minute . That was one round . He did this three times for time . It was intense to watch . Here are some pictures from our adventure : And my favorite picture of the day . . . Believe it or not this guy started off fully clothed and ended up in just his underroos by the end of it ! The best part ? His Mulan - looking ponytail on top . Will I ever do this ? Never say never , but it 's not likely . I like to be in shape , but I 'm not a big fan of my thighs crushing others to death as many of the women at the competition looked like . I may be singing a different tune after Peanut is born , but for now I 'll leaving the intensity to David ! Posted by Maternity clothes ? Some things . I 'm still able to wear some of my other stuff , but the maternity clothes are much more comfortable at this point . Food cravings : Spinach salad this week . I went to the Teeter every day after school this week to pick up more . At this week 's grocery trip I 'm just going to buy enough to last the week ! mood swings in between . The past few days have been kind of rough . For some reason the smallest thing has me about bursting into tears . I will be elated when this passes ! While I was posted up with my foot this past summer I went a bit recipe crazy . And by " bit " I mean I tried at least one or two new recipes a day . Yea , crazy . Here is one that I rustled up with only the things I had in the kitchen . It was super easy and super yummy ! They tasted even better when we put a little cream cheese frosting between two of them . Mm mm mm . Let me know what y ' all think ! Dear December , Thank you for finally arriving ! I was beginning to think you would never get here and we would be stuck in the depths of November forever . I am excited for you and all your Christmas joy . I 'm going to be honest with y ' all , I 'm a bit of an odd duck . Who am I kidding , I really am strange . In fact when we first started dating and were navigating the waters of a new relationship , my sweet love looked at me and said , " wow , you are weird " to which I replied , " here is your fair warning " . Luckily he found my oddness endearing and decided to keep me around . Today y ' all are fortunate enough to hear some of my oddities , aren 't you excited ? ! ? Strap in folks because the truth comes out ! There are two size forks in the drawer , a big one and a little one . I 'm sure there are some fancy names for them but I missed out on the cotillion experience so I don 't know them . Anywho , I 've always been a big fan of the " little fork " . Even my husband has learned that if you give me a big fork at supper , I 'm going to get up and switch it out for a little one . Yes , I know , it 's bizarre . Crazy , right ? ! I cannot fall asleep at night if my knees are touching . Any other part of my legs can touch , but not my knees . In the winter it 's not an issue because I can just wear sweatpants , but in the summer I have to get crafty . I usually end up just putting a pillow or blanket between my legs . Toilet paper Yep , I 'm about to go there . The toilet paper has to hang a certain way . Now , I 'm not going to go around fixing other people 's toilet paper ( I 'm not that crazy , give me some credit here ) , but I do like it to hang a certain way at our house . Curious which way ? With the paper hanging over like so : I am very particular about my travel coffee mugs . When you spend as much time as I do drinking coffee , you get to be a bit particular about your drinking vesicle . I like microwavable ones with a thick plastic that can drop without getting dented or messed up . Total weight gain / loss : + 15 pounds . Maternity clothes ? My sweet mother - in - law took me shopping at a wonderful maternity store this past week and I was able to stock up on some items . Maternity jeans are much more comfortable than regular jeans ! Stretch marks ? I thought I saw some and freaked . Then I realized it was the lighting . Whew ! Needless to say I 'll be doubly applying the cocoa butter now . Sleep : Still want to do it all the time . Happy or Moody most of the time : Happy most of the time with some mood swings in between . The past few days have been kind of rough . For some reason the smallest thing has me about bursting into tears . I will be elated when this passes ! We seemed to have a bit of a themed Thanksgiving this year at my parent 's house . This was not done on purpose . Let me back up . . . We arrived at my parent 's house on Thursday morning after spending a few days relaxing and pigging out at the Mobleys . Daisy went in ahead of us with a pink scarf to announce our big news . After hugs and celebrations we settled in for more food and visiting . None of us were overly impressed with the Black Friday sales , so we skipped that tradition . The next morning we decided to head out and see what was left . Have you ever tried to get nine people out of the house and moving ? This was not a simple process . We ended up going in different directions for a bit with a plan to meet up later . The Bed , Bath , and Beyond was having a sale in which you could take 20 % off your entire purchase , not just one item . The BB & B in Winston Salem has a HUGE baby selection as well , so we spent some time there . Mama could not fathom how expensive everything was . She kept saying over and over that she just couldn 't believe it . Even with the 20 % deal , we didn 't see anything we needed . The boy car called and said they were headed to Gander Mountain ( a massive camping and outdoor store ) . Mama scurried us to the car so we could get there quickly . She was on a mission to check out their gun selection . Mama and Daddy spent the next 30 minutes analyzing guns while the Wardlets entertained ourselves with some people - watching and iPhone fun . By this point this preggers mama was struggling . It had been hours since I ate and I needed a nap . Daddy sensed my frustration and as we were leaving he went back into the store to get something he thought would cheer me up - season 1 of Duck Dynasty ! This is when our themed weekend really takes off . Have y ' all heard of the magic that is Duck Dynasty ? It 's the story of the Robertson clan and the multi - million dollar empire they have created around duck calls . I know it sounds crazy . That 's because it is . This people are unlike any others that you have ever met . Or , maybe you have , but that would make it that much better ! We piled into the den and proceeded to watch three and a half hours of their antics before we got into our own . Daddy had found out about a local Boy Scout troop that was doing a turkey shoot fundraiser . For $ 20 you got eight shots at a target . After hours of watching the Robertsons doing the same thing , and making it look easy , we thought we 'd give it a go ! Who knew David had a secret talent for shooting ? He won us an actual turkey ! After a few hours of shooting fun , we headed home to watch more Duck Dynasty . I 've been all over the internet since we found out we were preggers trying to figure out if Peanut is a boy or a girl . The time has finally come for us to find out ! ! Here is what some of the Old Wife 's Tales have us leaning towards : I am honored to announce that my sweet friend , Dana at Let 's Meet for Lunch , nominated me for a Liebster Award ! This award is given to " up and coming " bloggers with less than 200 followers . The rules : Maternity clothes ? I 'm getting there . I almost wore some to work this week but the pants weren 't long enough for the shoes I wanted to wear . It 's not that I necessarily need them , but they are much more comfy than my regular clothes ! Stretch marks ? I thought I saw some and freaked . Then I realized it was the lighting . Whew ! Needless to say I 'll be doubly applying the cocoa butter now . Sleep : I used to be a total side sleeper , but for some reason I 've been doing better on my back recently . Unfortunately my growing girth means I need to stick to my side . We 'll see how that affects my sleep . . . Food cravings : Mexican seems to be the craving of the second trimester while Japanese took over the first trimester . This baby is just making it 's way around the world ; - ) Anything making you queasy or sick : Nothing in particular . I 'm feeling a lot better than I was earlier ! Panthers Game At the start of the year I created a 30 Before 30 List of tasks I wanted to complete before I turned 30 . One of the items on the list was to attend a professional sporting event . You 'd think this would be something we do regularly with two professional teams in town , but it 's hard to justify when the teams don 't have much to write home about . Just being honest here ! Well , last Saturday evening our friend , Scott , called David and offered us two extra tickets to Panthers game against the Broncos . It was made even better when we confirmed our friends from Raleigh , Steve and Caroline , would be coming into town for the game . Sunday morning we made our way downtown for a few hours of tailgating in the gorgeous North Carolina Fall weather . We munched on some Bojangles ( a North Carolina MUST ) and played cornhole while we readied ourselves for the game . It was great to catch up with Scott and Tiffany ( and Scott 's sweet mama who joined us as well ! ) and Steve and Caroline before the game . A little before kick - off we headed down to Scott 's awesome seats behind the Panthers ' end zone . We had an incredible view of the field and game . The only thing that could have made the game better is if Cam Newton had decided not to be a big baby and actually play the game . The good news ? We got to see Peyton Manning play ! It 's that time of year again . The time of year when our farm box includes a delicious type of squash each week . We tried this for the first time about a month ago , and have made it many times since . In fact , when I attempted another squash recipe David asked for this one again ! Preheat the oven to 400 . Toss the squash with the maple syrup or honey and oil . Stir the salt and ground cinnamon together . Arrange the squash in a single layer on a foil - lined baking sheet . Sprinkle Dear conference week , You about killed me this year . I don 't know if it was all the bookings or the fact that I am preggers and exhausted , but I am pooped . I will definitely be getting a good night 's sleep tonight when it is all over ! Dear movie theaters , Please do not sell out of Twilight tickets . I would really enjoy getting to see the final installment of the Bella - Edward - Jacob drama ASAP . Want to save a couple for the Mobleys ? Dear Duck Dynasty , Thank you for the ongoing laughs and great things that come from your show . I am officially hooked and will be catching up as much as possible over break next week . Keep up with the crazy ! Cut what ? My hair . I may have lost some of you with that right there , but I 'm sure others of you are nodding right along with me . It seems that every time I cut my hair short , I love it for a few weeks . Then , I get impatient with it and began to wish it longer again . So , I start the dreaded process of growing it out and getting past that " awkward " stage . You know the one in which your hair does nothing that you want it to do and everything you don 't want it to do . I finally get it to a long length that I like , then I decide it looks flat and dull and cut it . The exhausting cycle starts over . My hairdresser likes my hair short . She 's right , it does look more polished that way , but there is just something about having long hair and being able to do more with it . It 's easier to throw up into a pony or whip into a braid . You can do all sorts of fun things with short hair , but it 's just different things . Here are examples of my hair at each length : What are y ' alls thoughts ? ? Two separate Christmases , two separate styles / lengths . I have an appointment scheduled for Saturday and I 'd love some input before I head in there ! Total weight gain / loss : + 12 pounds . In my defense I was wearing my " clodhopper " clog and a jacket when the nurse weighed me . I wanted to ask for a do - over but David wouldn 't let me . I 'm hoping the next appointment doesn 't have such a big jump ! Stretch marks ? I thought I saw some and freaked . Then I realized it was the lighting . Whew ! Needless to say I 'll be doubly applying the cocoa butter now . Sleep : Still sleeping well and not feeling as exhausted as before . I 'm tired , but it 's a different kind of tired . Food cravings : I managed to devour Mexican twice this past weekend . Anything making you queasy or sick : Nothing in particular . I 'm feeling a lot better than I was earlier ! Ever heard of red swiss chard ? Neither had we . That is until Barbee Farms gifted us with some in our farm box . It reminded me of bok choy so I went ahead and prepared it the same way I would bok choy . Very simple and very yummy . Hope y ' all enjoy ! Dear tickle in my throat , What are you doing ? You know darn well I do not have time for you to stink around . Not to mention the presence of Peanut prevents me from taking any medications to get rid of you . Please just skedaddle on out of here . Please ? ! ? Dear winter temps , Well hello there . Wasn 't expecting to see you for quite some time . Any particular reason you 've arrived so early after doing a great job staying away for so long ? Dear creative minds , HELP ! We 're trying to think of a creative way to share the gender of Peanut with our families at Thanksgiving ( since we are finding out the day before ! ) but we 're having trouble . Any suggestions ? ? Dear Veterans , Thank you so much for your service . Far too often we get caught up in our worlds and forget that our world is what it is because of your sacrifice . Thank you from the bottom of my heart . Maternity clothes ? Not yet though some items are getting snug . Stretch marks ? I thought I saw some and freaked . Then I realized it was the lighting . Whew ! Needless to say I 'll be doubly applying the cocoa butter now . Sleep : Love it . Miss Anything ? We went to the Renaissance Festival and they had pumpkin - flavored beer almost every time I turned around . At least it seemed like it . Think it will still be good if I buy it now and drink it after Peanut 's arrival ? ? Ha ! I wish . Anything making you queasy or sick : Morning . What started out as " evening sickness " has made it 's way to the beginning of the day . I now wake up and ask myself what the least offensive food will be and try to eat that for breakfast . I 've gone through a lot of toast . Have you started to show yet : Depends on what I wear . A few of my students have started commenting on my bump ! On a side note , they all think I should name it after them and have begun forming arguments as to why . It cracks me up ! Gender : We 'll find out at our 18 week appointment - only two and a half more weeks ! Any one have any creative gender reveal ideas ? ? We 're finding out the day before Thanksgiving ! I spend the first nine months of the year waiting for the last three . So many stellar things occur in these few months that it 's hard to cram it all in there . One of my favorite activities is the Carolina Renaissance Festival . We 've been every year since we got married , and I went almost every year before that when I was growing up . Every year is better than the last . There are always new foods , drinks , shows , and acts that make it even more exciting . This year will definitely be remembered , though , because for the first time in all these years we were called on from the audience to participate in a show ! We decided to stop by Don Juan and Miguel 's show when we got there because it was just getting started . We 'd never seen it before and it looked interesting . They started with some silly jokes and did a few cool tricks with whips and swords that were very impressive . Then , they started in with the audience participation . As soon as Miguel started walking down the aisle I knew we were in trouble . I stupidly sat on the edge of the aisle and wore a bright pink fleece . It 's like I was begging to be called upon to be embarrassed . He asked me a few questions and made jokes about defending my honor . It was actually a lot more fun , and a lot less mortifying , than I thought it would be ! We then wandered around the festival and took in a few more shows before devouring a turkey leg and spinach artichoke bread bowl . David also insisted we stop at every single sword / axe booth to admire their wares . My sweet husband does this every year , but has yet to buy one . I 've contemplated surprising him with one for Christmas , but that means he would insist on displaying it somewhere in our home and I 'm not quite sure I 'm ready for that step ! A few pictures from our day . . . I didn 't know acorn squash could be used for anything other than decoration until it showed up in our farm box a few weeks ago . Not quite sure what to do with it I took to the internet to hunt for a recipe to use . There were a few fancy ones out there that I knew would take more time than I was willing to dedicate to the task at hand . Listed below is what I came up with off of a few others . Let me know what you think ! Sprinkle with salt . Bake squashes until tender when pierced with a fork , about 45 minutes . Remove from oven , and brush each slice with butter . Put back in oven for another 5 minutes . Enjoy ! Dear gas prices , Why , oh , why is it that every time I finally stop to get gas you drop the prices the very next day ? I try to put it off as long as possible , but without fail you always seem to beat me . It 's just not fair ( said in childish pouting voice ) . Want to be nice and give me a good price every once in a while ? Dear Renaissance Festival , We are very excited to come enjoy your little bits of crazy this weekend . Everything from the delicious food ( I see you , roasted turkey leg ) to the hysterical shows ( Tortuga Twins ! ) keeps us coming back year after year . Can 't wait to see what new stuff y ' all have in store this year ! Dear November , Welcome ! I am so excited you are here . You bring a month of holidays off of school and time spent with family and friends . This year you are also bringing us the news of what Peanut 's gender is - hooray ! Make yourself comfortable and stay awhile . Dear students , I know you 've had a crazy week with a Teacher Workday on Monday , Halloween on Wednesday , then Clubs and a dance today , but it would be greatly appreciated if you weren 't crazy today . I understand that any disruption to your routine often has adverse effects , but this tired teacher would love it if nothing out of the norm happened today . Appreciate it ! This past weekend David and I made a quick trip up to Boone to visit my sisters and their boyfriends for the night . Our activity of choice ? Pumpkin carving ! What better way to prepare for the impending holiday ? ! Here are our final creations . I hope they are surviving in the foot of snow Boone has gotten thanks to Hurricane Sandy ! Stretch marks ? Nope . I 've already started applying the cocoa butter pretty religiously ! Sleep : Still wanting to all the time , but getting about 8 hours a night . I did get 10 hours last night , and a nice nap that afternoon . Just call me the queen of sleep . . . Miss Anything ? This week was definitely a coffee withdrawal week . Movement : Nope , but according to a few baby sites I should start feeling it in the next few weeks ! Size of Baby : According to the bump , Peanut is equivalent to a navel orange these days . Looking forward to : My energy returning . I hear rumors that this is about the time you start to return to some normalcy . Dear Peanut , What is this all of a sudden aversion to dairy products ? You 've completely turned me off of everything from milk to yogurt to even ice cream . Would you be a dear and figure this out ? You need the calcium all of those things provide ! Dear Boone , We are very excited to come visit you , even if it is for only a brief trip . I 've heard rumors of chilly temps and rain . How about you hold off on those for another day so we can enjoy the gorgeous fall weather ? Many thanks ! Dear sleep , Oh how glorious , yet fleeting you are these days . I promise to catch up on you , probably over Thanksgiving Break . Will you wait for me ? Dear iPhone , PLEASE arrive before we leave for Boone ! We 've been stalking the mess out of you since it said you shipped Wednesday afternoon . It would be superbly awesome if you arrived in time for us to get you set up ! Posted by Sooooo , I 've been kind of MIA for a while . No particular reason other than life caught up with me . Between my students getting wild abo . . . We seemed to have a bit of a themed Thanksgiving this year at my parent 's house . This was not done on purpose . Let me back up . . . We . . . It 's been a week and each day is a little easier than the last . I 've had some bad days , and some better days . Thursday was rou . . .
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My daughter and I are at our very first belly - dancing class . " Are you sure you want to do this ? " I ask her as we enter the gym . But she can 't hear me . Not only is Arabesque music pounding out of the loudspeakers at full volume , but in China people are used to loud noise and everybody just talks over it , creating a cacophony that has to be heard to be believed . In a country where you can expect firecrackers going off at seven in the morning , making every dog in town howl its lungs out , where some drivers lean on their horns just to let off steam and street vendors holler out their pitches to passersby all day long , a roomful of people screaming to make themselves heard raises no eyebrows . My daughter and I are intimidated by the number of women wearing proper belly - dancing outfits : those little belts with tinkling metal bits that jingle when you shake your hips , sexy tops in bright , sparkly colors , and wispy - thin Princess Jasmine - style trousers . On top of this , although this is a belly - dancing class , we seem to be the only ones in the room who have anything close to real bellies : all the women in the room are svelte , willowy , and rail - thin . I try to remind myself that the Turkish belly - dancers I knew were of all sizes , that we should fit right in . But in fact we stand out like guppies among goldfish . Also , we 're not Chinese , and everybody else in the room is , including the teacher . " We 'll just watch the teacher , " my daughter argued when I pointed out our language problem . " We don 't need the language just for a dance class . And besides , it 'll be a learning experience . " And I allowed myself to be convinced . But the truth is , although we 've both been studying Chinese furiously , we still have a long way to go even just to follow the Chinese a belly - dancing class . The class begins . The pounding Arabesque is cranked up a notch and we all concentrate on following the teacher , who starts with stretches - - easy enough . Then she moves on to simple movements : we all stand tall , feet together , arms held out , and move our feet rapidly , jiggling the entire body . Then we move on to more simple moves which branch into more moves , complicated ones too - - arms held up , arms held out , arms reaching in different directions , turn steps , moving forward , moving backwards , turning one way , turning the other way , all the time the instructions barked out in Chinese that we cannot follow . Given the pounding music , the sound of 40 feet pounding the floor , and the shimmering tinkle of belly - dancing belts in our ears on top of our linguistic ineptitude , it 's tough to follow her . And then right in the middle of it , when we are both dripping with sweat , panting for breath , screwing up 65 % of the moves , and cringing at the sight of our flushed , uncoordinated selves in the mirror , I hear it : zuo jiao . " Left foot ! " I almost cry out , in the joy of understanding . " Left foot ! " I mouth to my daughter , who is too exhausted to see it . Not five minutes later , I catch another one : Youshou - - right hand . I could whoop for joy . Who cares if I 'll never belly dance properly ? If I can get even a few words of Chinese in this racket , I 'm making progress . And I know that I really am getting better : just yesterday I understood somebody who said Is it okay if I sit here ? ; last week , I was able to understand the cashier when she said 320 yuan ; will that be by cash or credit card ? - - and a while back , not only was I able to tell the lady who got on the elevator after me that I wasn 't responsible for the pee on the floor , I could understand her chuckled response : Yeah , a kid did that . Clearly I 'm on a roll here . Later in the evening , when we have showered and nursed our aching arms and legs , my daughter and I practice our Chinese . Tonight we have a song all picked out which should help us , too : heads , shoulders knees and toes ( hair , shoulders , knees and feet here in China ) . It 's a simple enough song , and I know from painful experience that my daughter will learn it a lot faster than I will . But never mind : I already know foot . The receptionist is wearing a tight - fitting purple leotard and a butterfly hair clip , but she is all business . She repeats herself and looks from me to my husband , her eyes flashing impatience . We have no idea what she 's saying . " Sorry , could you say that again ? " I say in a squeak , managing to trip over my words . It 's my turn . My husband has already been stretched over the linguistic rack and it 's not fair to expect him to do all the work . The woman repeats herself , using the exact same words , and predictably , we still don 't understand . I forgive her : not everybody is a language teacher . But it still drives me insane . " Could you write it down ? " I try next . I 'm still very much a beginner when it comes to speaking Mandarin , but thanks to over two decades of Japanese and eight months of toughing it out here , my reading is intermediate . Unfortunately , it fails me on this occasion . All I can pick out is you can 't - - today - - didn 't come - - one to two days - - maybe . We are trying to join our local gym . We 've been told by foreign friends that the registration process is straightforward : all you need to join is cash and very basic Chinese . So here we are with both , but we 're getting absolutely nowhere . My husband , ever the pessimist , thinks we should cut our losses and go home , but I 'm dying for a work - out and determined to make it through this . And I remember Oba - san , a Japanese man I once knew in Amsterdam . If they handed out medals for linguistic bravery , Oba - san would have been in line for the gold . I met Oba - san through the owner of the Japanese restaurant where I was working as a dishwasher . Oba - san was a graphic artist working on a project in the Netherlands , and he and his wife and adult son had been in Amsterdam for only a few weeks . None of them spoke Dutch or had more than the merest smattering of English , and I had been asked to help them practice conversational English . This was not easy for any of us : both Oba - san and his wife had gone through school during the war years , when there was no English language instruction at all , and had gained what tiny bit of spoken ability they had through their son , who himself spoke little English . Week after week , we plugged away at the kind of English I thought they might need for shopping , getting around town , and meeting people . It was slow going , but the Obas never seemed to get frustrated with their lack of ability . During the months I knew them , one event stands out in my mind as a shining example of the best possible attitude a language learner can have . I had assumed that the Obas primarily needed me to help them translate and interpret , so one stormy day when I turned up at their rented house and learned that their roof was leaking , I prepared myself for a conversation with their landlord . Instead , Mr Oba waved me away . " I 'll handle it , " he said , hunching over the telephone . Listening to Oba - san 's side of the conversation , I was both appalled and highly impressed : his grammar was all over the place , his intonation was off at least 50 % of the time , and he butchered every vowel and consonant he spoke - - Rye - in is fall down , is very strong . Floor I step , water , my feet , my socks , water - - as I listened , I found myself wondering if his landlord had any idea what he was trying to say . Or if his landlord , who like most Dutch people was almost certain to speak excellent English , had any idea that there was a native English speaker nearby who could have explained the situation much more efficiently . But here is the wonderful thing : Oba - san got his point across . Soon after this phone call , the landlord sent somebody to the house to repair the roof and inspect the soggy carpet . When I told Oba - san how impressed I was with his bravery , he waved his hand . " If I don 't try , I 'll never learn . " He then told me a marvelous story about an older Japanese friend of his who had gone abroad with even less English . This friend had locked himself out of his hotel room one morning and had puzzled over how to explain this to the receptionist . But on the elevator ride downstairs , he had worked on a strategy . " Me outside , key inside , " he explained to the woman behind the desk - - and in less than a minute , he was back in his room . Me outside , key inside . Hardly eloquent English , but in an emergency , quick wits are often more useful than grammar and vocabulary . I point to our fitness bags . " Can we ? " I ask , praying the receptionist will understand from the context . I mime running . " Can we today , here , now ? " The receptionist nods and her butterfly clip bobs back and forth . " Yes , of course , " she says . She fishes out her mobile phone and jabs buttons , then presents it to us : Card cannot get today , can get next week maybe . Sports can do today . My husband and I look at each other in dismay . This man has been in China a lot longer than we have - - he 's bound to know more Chinese than we do . But we go into the shop anyway because we have other things to buy - - and besides , despite countless frustrating encounters with people who cannot understand us and who we have no hope of understanding , we have become cautious optimists . Because we have to be getting better . Every day we make a point of spending at least twenty minutes on Mandarin . At some point , this has got to pay off . We keep careful track of our tiny achievements in cracking the linguistic code : the taxi driver who got what I was saying on my first try ; the cashier who rattled off a total that immediately made sense ; being able to recognize red - cooked tofu on a menu ; making out what the recording on the bus is saying . Any intelligible exchange with strangers brings us great joy : the man in the elevator who told us it was raining , the waitress in our local restaurant who asked us how we were doing , even the kid in the parking lot who pointed a grubby finger at us and whispered the word foreigner . The day one of my students yawned and groaned to her friend that she was tired , I 'm sure she wondered why I grinned so maniacally . Because after months of understanding zip - all , we 're thrilled even when mere words and phrases make sense . In the shop , the woman behind the cashier shakes her head when we ask for our order and rattles off something in Chinese . We can 't understand a word she says . Dejected , we turn to leave when I suddenly hear what she is saying , clear as day . Wait here for a minute and I 'll be right back - - it 's arrived , but I can 't leave . Overjoyed , I turn to my husband and see that he too has gotten it . " She wants us to wait here ! " I practically scream . " She 's going to go get our order ! " We fall all over ourselves to say that yes , we will wait for our bread and cheese - - five minutes is fine - - we will wait longer if necessary , no problem . Five minutes later , the woman is back , and hallelujah , she has the bread with her , proving that we have indeed just understood an entire fairly complicated ( for us ) exchange . We carry our bread and cheese home , grinning like fools . Helen Keller holding her hand out at the water pump has nothing on us . Posted by It is late at night , and I am spectacularly lost . I have just been out for sushi with colleagues on my own , and although usually there is someone with whom I can share a taxi home , tonight nobody is going my way . I have been given good instructions , but somehow I still have managed to get myself into a neighborhood I find totally unfamiliar . All the buses have stopped running and taxis are thin on the ground . And even if they weren 't , there would be the problem of having to explain where I want to go to the taxi driver in Chinese . I can do this pretty well now , but what I still cannot do is make myself understood ; apparently , I 'm still butchering the tones . The way it usually works is this : my husband and I get into a taxi after one of us , usually my husband , has worked over a laborious spiel explaining our destination , honing it and repeating it ad nauseam . We then give the instructions to the taxi driver , who gapes at us uncomprehendingly and asks us to repeat ourselves . Which we do . After half a dozen tries , he finally seems to get it and we drive off , most of the time in the right direction . It is , to say the least , very frustrating . The last time I had to do this on my own , it took me over ten tries before the driver understood . Tonight , I am reluctant to go through the misery and humiliation . So I retrace my steps and go back over the bridge I 've just crossed . I go past the gated apartment building with the giant stone lions in front and along a path bordered by willows . When I get to the Korean restaurant I remember from ten minutes ago , I try going left instead of going straight on . And I walk for more than fifteen minutes , but I can 't see anything familiar . So I try a different route , then when that one culminates in a dead end , a different one . I end up on a vast road that is utterly deserted - - weird in China - - and rather dark . I suck my breath in and squeeze my eyes shut . There is no alternative : I 've been walking for over an hour now and my husband , home marking papers , will be starting to worry . I 've got to find a taxi . Ten minutes later , I spot one and hold up my hand , my heart pounding in my throat . For once , I have no competition and the driver obligingly screeches to a halt . I get in , clear my throat , and tell him where I want to go . He gets it the very first time . I am , as it turns out , less than a minute away from home . This is how bad my sense of direction is : even when I 'm almost home , I have no idea where I am . I end up paying full whack for the taxi , of course . But for once , I don 't care one bit . Zhi is a nice young man with a friendly smile and a refreshingly honest way of speaking . He isn 't a student of mine , but we got to know each other through a university club and instantly bonded over a shared liking of cats , travel , and the fact that we both come from cities known for their air pollution . Zhi is from an industrial center in the north of China , and I am from Riverside , in Southern California 's infamous smog belt . We are comparing notes on our respective hometowns right now , and so far Zhi is winning , if you can call it that . " We 're famous for our particulate matter , " Zhi tells me . " Most cities have high particulate matter in their air , but ours is the very small kind that is most dangerous . You can 't see it . " " You could see ours , " I tell him , embarrassed that I can 't remember our town 's exact air quality index . Zhi remembers the air quality index of his city and can quote it on a weekly , sometimes daily , basis . This week it 's 489 , which is more than 20 times over the acceptable WHO maximum standard of 20 . On days when people set off fireworks , it reaches a level that is right off the charts . " What kind of particulate matter does your hometown have ? " Zhi wants to know . He is a science student , and these things matter to him . I feel irritated with myself for not being able to describe the consistency and composition of Riverside 's smog , as if I 'm letting our side down somehow . " I don 't know if our particulate matter was that small , but because of our smog , you couldn 't see much of anything , " I explain , pointing to a building close by . " For instance , that building would be hard to see if we were in my hometown . " " When we were kids , we couldn 't run on bad days , " I say . " They made us stay inside because the air was so bad . One boy even died after running half a mile on a smoggy day . " " Why do you have this ? Do you need it ? " " I brought it just in case , " I say , feeling like an utter wimp . Today the air quality index in our city is only 65 , just over three times the maximum limit . " My mother , father have disposable respirator , N - 95 and P - 100 , change filter every day , wear every day . " He regards mine with amusement . " This one like scarf . Not good . " At this , I give up . Zhi 's hometown has worse air pollution than Riverside ever did . We spend the rest of our time discussing effective clean air filters and alternative energy . Posted by It is seven o ' clock in the morning and I am waiting for the bus . It is raining and cold , and I have been standing at the stop for a good fifteen minutes , chilling myself , and getting sprayed with gutter - water by cars , trucks , and e - bikes that whiz past . At last the bus arrives and , to my delight , stops right in front of me - - almost a first . I step forward as the doors wheeze open , but before I can get on , a couple of students beat me to it , one of them so enthusiastic about getting out of the rain that she almost puts my eye out with her umbrella . One after the other , the students pile onto the bus ahead of me , talking non - stop as they completely ignore me . I am the last one on , and sadly , there are now no more seats . I stand all the way to the university and ponder the differences in manners between cultures . - - - It is five o ' clock in the evening and my last student has left . It has been an especially long and grueling day as I 've been seeing students for private tutorials in my office and giving them advice about their various compositions since early in the morning , and I worked right through my lunch break to accommodate a student who needed to be squeezed in between appointments . I 'm dying to see what there is of the sky ; and I need a brisk walk , a cup of tea , and something to eat . But more than anything else , I just need a break . I 've seen so much head - achingly bad English , I feel like whooping and hollering to finally have reached this point of no more students . Just as I start to lock my office door , however , a girl appears from nowhere , clutching a composition . My heart sinks , but I stand my ground . " I 'm all done , " I tell her . " I 'll be back at nine o ' clock tomorrow morning . " I stare at this girl in dismay . " Didn 't you see the sign ? " I point to it . IF YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT , PLEASE KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND ANNOUNCE YOURSELF . It is accompanied , for good measure , by the equivalent in my shaky Chinese . I put this sign up because too many of my students were waiting outside , twiddling their thumbs while I talked to their classmates , instead of letting me know they were there . This way , the students who have appointments with me can stay a little longer if they need extra help - - and I don 't end up twiddling my own thumbs waiting for no - shows . " Well you shouldn 't have waited if you had an appointment ! If you have an appointment , it 's perfectly fine to expect whoever you are meeting to stop what they 're doing and see you ! " My voice sounds obnoxiously strident , but I want to be outside , on my way home . I want to be smelling the roses and feeling the bracing air on my face , not quibbling with this girl about appointment protocol . " Only because you didn 't knock , " I say . " If you 'd knocked , I 'd have known you were there . I 'd have told her that I had an appointment and she would have left . " An hour later , I am waiting at the bus stop again . When the bus arrives , once again , a throng of students pushes past me as though I am not there . Once again , I am the last one on the bus . All the way home , I ponder the differences in manners between cultures .
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Remember when I was talking about the Tatoosh Range ? That highest peak , in the center in the photo , is Pinnacle Peak . Going down to the right , to the low point , you see a notch , called the saddle . So taking the trail to Pinnacle Peak means first taking the trail to the saddle , then going off behind those rocks to the left of it and up that steep ridge … it 's a couple of miles up from Reflection Lakes . I 've heard about people in my family going up to Pinnacle Peak my whole life , but I 'd never climbed it . My aunt and uncle climbed it every single time they came to the mountain , even when they were in their nineties . Heck , they even climbed it at night , just to watch the sun rise on the mountain . I figured if two old people could climb up there , there wasn 't any reason why I couldn 't do it . I 've thought about it for years , but there has either been too much snow or not enough time . Here 's a photo of my grandfather and my aunt at the top . I so much wanted to see this particular view of the mountain . Here 's my dad . To the right of his feet are the buildings at Paradise . I 'm guessing these photos are from the 1930 's . I 've heard that this was a hard climb , and my cousin Bruce , who has actually summited Mt . Rainier , has never been very encouraging when I asked about it in the past . However , this time I emphasized the fact that everyone else had done it , and I never had , so he promised to think it over . I didn 't want to go by myself , because I wasn 't sure I 'd know the way . Cheryl , his sister , said that they had done this hike many times when they were kids . ( That 's their mom in the photo with my grandpa . ) Bruce calculated at least a dozen times for himself , most recently a few years ago . He said that the last time he found it wasn 't fun anymore , and that he had decided that he didn 't need to do that one again . Cheryl said she would NEVER do it again , as she had memories of climbing down backwards and not being able to see where she put her feet . Bruce 's wife , Andrea , said she would never do it again either , although she was willing to hike to the saddle . There was talk about a " chimney " where you have to climb straight up a rock configuration that is closed in on three sides . The trail up to the saddle wasn 't terrible . It was a strenuous climb , but part of it was in woods with shade . In spite of the scree and a couple of short snowfields , it was not nearly as treacherous as going to Panorama Point had been the previous day . There were some switchbacks ( " switchbacks " … I hate that word ! ) but there were hardly any other hikers at all , even on the weekend . They were probably all over at Paradise . Bruce and I decided to proceed . He chose not to take his backpack or a water bottle , saying they would be in the way . This should have been a heads - up for me , but instead I was quietly mystified , and wore my backpack and took my water bottle . And wore my hat , and my ( by then broken ) sunglasses . Shortly after we started out , we were able to see Mt . St . Helens . Before long , the trail disappeared and we headed straight up . Very shortly after that , I realized that my entire family was insane . Some extremely colorful language started coming out of my mouth , to Bruce 's surprise . This was real rock climbing , using both legs and arms . Bruce stopped every so often to look around and analyze the rocks for the best way to proceed . My short stature sometimes forced me to go on my knees before I could get up to the next ledge for a foothold . I needed strength in my legs to lift my entire body up to the next edge . A couple of people were scrambling down , like it was easy . Note their narrow backpacks . My regular - sized pack was definitely in my way , even on my back , and I never was able to get a drink of water because the bottle was in the pack and I couldn 't let go of anything to get it out . Looking up from where Bruce was resting ( see his hand on the left ? ) That rock is brittle and sharp . I tried to document where I was , because at that point , I knew I could never get down again . Bruce offered me the option to quit , but I figured I might as well continue up for a while , since I couldn 't get down anyway . It was all about finding a place to put each hand and foot , and pulling myself up to get a bit higher . All that biking around Olathe , Kansas could never have prepared me for this . Keep in mind I also have a weaker left wrist from that surgery last year when I broke my arm . Since it 's functional for most purposes , it had never occurred to me that I should have been weight lifting with that arm or trying to strengthen my grip so I could hold on to the side of a mountain . Fortunately , I didn 't freeze up in fear of the height and the steep drop . The only thing that seriously bothered me was that I knew , without a doubt , that I would never get back down again . There was just no way ! I didn 't think I could hold on going backwards and down at the same time ! Hmm … someone coming down with a rope . This person , whose picture I didn 't take because I was hanging on to some rock for dear life , was in a harness , and had climbed up the other side with a group , and she was leading the way down , backwards , like a professional . I was jealous of her harness and rope . Not only was she going backwards at a good pace , but she made it look easy - peasy . At one point I saw a ledge , and decided I 'd better get my picture taken because , of course , I would never get down , so I might as well show everyone how far I got . That expression is what you call a " forced smile . " I was not in any mood to smile . We went a bit higher , and then I looked at my options for where to put my hands and feet and didn 't find any . It was too straight up . I looked at Bruce , and he said , " It 's only another 50 feet or so . But just because they all did it doesn 't mean you have to do it . " And for some reason , all of a sudden I thought about my kids and my granddaughter , mostly my granddaughter , and decided I didn 't want to die . Up until that point , I hadn 't thought about it much . But I couldn 't find a way to get any higher , and my legs were exhausted , and that was the end of it . I knew I was in the middle of the most dangerous thing I 'd ever done in my life , without being afraid of it , but I didn 't have enough energy to do any more . I said , " That 's it , I 'm done . " I took pictures all around and looked back . Then I realized I could get down … . on my butt ! So I scooted down on my butt almost the entire way , and it was all of a sudden easy . Sharp rocks , dangerous , exhausting , but not at all impossible . Tore a good sized hole in my jeans , which was totally worth it . I was completely worn out , but it went well . When we got back to the saddle I found out we 'd been rock climbing for two hours . So I didn 't make it , but I lived , and I don 't think I could have made it even if my legs were stronger because I had run out of places to put my feet . Bruce asked afterwards if I had known how easy it would be to get down , would I have gone ahead and tried for the top , or would I try it again ? And I said , " No way in hell will I try that again . " I wrote in my journal that it was insanely dangerous and that I will never go up there again , although the saddle is certainly a doable hike . The only other time I 've ever been in a situation that dangerous was also on Mt . Rainier , climbing up to Panorama Point years ago , when I was unprepared and didn 't have a good walking stick or the right boots to cross a snowfield that had a sharp drop on one side . I had to turn back . The mountain is an unforgiving place . So we went down . Here I am in the very center of the picture at the first curve down from the saddle . I don 't know how long it took to get down , but it took a couple of hours to the saddle , two more rock climbing , and probably more than another hour to get down again . The elevation at the top of Pinnacle Peak is 7200 feet and the elevation gain from the trail head is 1150 feet . After I recovered ( yes , with blackberry pie and ice cream again ) I started feeling pretty uppity about what I 'd accomplished . Bruce was impressed with how far I got and started talking about " next time " bringing rope and harnesses , which still sounded insane , but really , that is the only way to do it . I just don 't know if I will do it . I may have done something completely crazy , but my self - esteem absolutely sky - rocketed , and that uppity feeling lasted about three weeks . I wish I still had it . I was obnoxiously proud of myself for doing something extremely tough . Maybe that 's what rock - climbers feel like all the time . If that 's how it makes you feel , I can understand those kinds of risks . I felt like I could have kicked anybody 's butt and nobody better try messing with ME . This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged Avalanche Lily , heather , hiking , Mt . Adams , Mt . Hood , Mt . Rainier , Mt . St . Helens , Paradise , Pinnacle Peak , Plummer Peak , Reflection Lakes , rock climbing , scree , snowfields , switchbacks , Tatoosh Range , Washington . Bookmark the permalink . ← First Mt . Rainier hike , Panorama Point Reply Holy Moley . Vertigo and nosebleed . No way Jose . You are one brave woman . I wouldn 't even watch from here . Still , quite an accomplishment for YOU . You 're made of wonderful stuff , Jeanne . Good for you . Reply Thanks , Tess . I 'm so thankful I didn 't get vertigo up there . And I 'm thankful Bruce was there to point out the best way to go , I could not have done that without him . Reply Hi Jeanne . That was an adventure and a half . I enjoyed every sentence of that post - even the bits where your language became colourful . In fact , especially those bits . My body still says that was a crazy thing to have done . But in the meantime , I 'm actually starting to strengthen my arms and legs by working out at a gym . If I can keep that up , who knows ? surfnslide Reply Hi Jeanne . One of the best mountain walking posts I 've seen in a long time . I love write ups where I can really get a strong sense of how the writer really felt , their emotional response . That looked a really serious and exposed route and some amazing photos Reply Thank you , surfnslide . I can still feel that " exposed " sensation even after two months of being on solid ground . But then , that 's why I took so many photos … to remind myself , in case I get another attack of the crazies , just what I was up against ! Reply A gripping tale in more ways than one . Must make another visit to Washington State and have enough time to get into the mountains . On our last and only visit Mt Rainier was shrouded in mist . Reply This is fabulous . I am SO impressed with your guts , Jeanne ! You totally * earned * that kickass attitude . I , for one , will never master * that * hike ; too chicken * and * too wimpy at this point , I 'm quite sure . So I 'm all the happier that you shared your adventure , and the accompanying fantastic photos . By the way , those family shots are a treasure as well ! ! ! Love the vintage " climbing gear , " aka " I 'm still in my church clothes but dang it , I feel like hiking today , so I just WILL ! " You should definitely consider hiking up to the saddle , though . It 's not a bad hike , it just takes two hours of slogging . But the views are terrific . Jeanne KastenThis blog showcases my gel pen drawings and any other art projects that I 'm working on . Check back weekly for updates about items for sale , works in progress , and shows open to the public . All photos on this site are under copyright . Please do not use them without permission . Your comments are most welcome . Thank you for visiting ! Search Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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( 57 ) Hope Builds In Haiti Today we pause to remember a terrible earthquake that shook Haiti to its core 4 years ago and killed thousands . Although the earthquake struck the capital , far from the northern areas One Child Matters serves , the entire country was affected . Refugees fled back north , where their familial roots may have been before they went to the city in search of work . Ten months later , a new tragedy lurked . In the water . Cholera . Spread by unclean water and the poor sanitation practices endemic to Haiti , cholera preyed on those already struggling . It was , as they say , insult to injury . With your help , we responded with aid after the earthquake . Within a week , Medical Mercy was on the ground in Port - au - Prince , and returned again in March of 2010 . Your donations to the Children 's Crisis Fund also allowed us to move quickly , putting preventative measures in place to keep cholera at bay . Let 's talk about purpose , mission , and priorities . How different are those three things for us as compared to those who live in Haiti . Let me share how those would be defined if you and I were Haitians . I saw a young boy out of the corner of my eye . A tall , clearly elderly lady , unkempt , frail and barely able to walk was with him . The boy came and sat in the chair in front of me with a stoic face , waiting to be examined . A 3 year old , who acted like he was years ahead of his age . Stoicism does that . A few questions asked and I figured it out . His parents had abandoned him and his grandmother had taken him in . And so did One Child Matters . He is an abandoned child but sponsored , cared for by a frail and elderly woman who may not be here tomorrow . He is like many others we care for . I spent some time with him and treated his malnutrition and his chronic pneumonia . He never smiled . Not then . But when I took him in my lap , he cuddled close and showed a soft smile as he laid his head on my chest . For him , love has been hard to come by it seems . This has been Haiti . The sun is setting as we sit on the bus that creeps along the road that is not a road and for a moment there is a pause in the conversation around all the experiences everyone is sharing from today . It as at that moment that it all came together for me . An abandoned 3 - year - old child is given a chance to be loved and cherished by those who embrace him in the OCM project . And with clean water to drink , a toothbrush , a Band - Aid for his cuts , a teacher who now knows how to treat a burn , a place to wash his hands , and a medical program that came and set up a nutritional rescue program , preventative health exams and illness interventions left behind , this little 3 - year - old has a chance . Finally . I was asked to look at an 11 - year - old girl who had surgery several years ago to remove a superficial mass on her neck . She was left with nerve damage to her arm and accumulation of lymph that made her arm swell to twice its size . She had a chest x - ray taken a while back when her mother took her to see a doctor after wondering for many years why her arm looked like this after surgery . The chest x - ray showed 2 masses in her chest . No one bothered to tell the mother what the findings were at the time the x - rays were taken , nor did the doctor who did the original surgery tell the mother what the mass was that he took out . The mother and the child were abandoned by those who took an oath to heal and care . The destination and expectation was simple : to recognize those who come to us for help as persons worthy of dignity no matter their circumstances , and a commitment to relationship that is genuine . I believe we did that . We left behind sustainable drinking water , a place to wash their hands , education and supplies to treat wounds and other minor injuries , toothbrushes and dental education and medical care that will be there for as long as they need it . We finished up our last day of clinic , seeing 1400 children , building permanent 2 permanent " tippy taps " in each of the 11 projects we went to , did dental hygiene , brought water filtration systems in and taught first aid and left first aid kits in all the projects . But you know that already . But what you may not know , is who really did this all . We had a US team of 27 members and a Haitian / DR team of 11 for at total of 38 people serving the 1400 children and the communities . We had 2 local physicians and 1 local dentist who were with us , working alongside , and who will stay and sustain the care we gave . 38 people who gave of their time to serve . At One Child Matters , our very name suggests that our motivation is the worth of every child , that anyone can give and prove to one child that he or she matters . How that looks may vary for each person , but child sponsorship is one effective vehicle to change a child 's life . Giving toward or volunteering with Medical Mercy is another . To give toward the unique ministry of Medical Mercy , click here . Please continue to pray for the people of Haiti , on this day that burdens of heart of many , and in the days yet to come . Thank you , as always , for your prayers and generous giving . Thank you for changing the lives of children in Haiti and beyond ! We were cramped in a room , seeing children and doing pharmacy . We saw more of the same and less of the healthy ones . We caught a few serious illnesses and prevented one child from going blind due to a serious eye infection . And what about the team ? We caught the " fever " of caring and compassion - smiles all around and a willingness to serve . We did nutritional assessments , put in place water filtration systems , left behind comprehensive first aid kits and trained the staff , did dental hygiene , did psychological interventions , and treated patients . We left something behind that they could use and benefit from . The project director and some of the teachers gathered in a small room to be taught First Aid and Water Filtration . There are many aspects of First Aid to cover but in the end we had a profitable volley of questions and answers and they seem to understand the basics . Doreen finished with water filtration . She put together the set up step by step so they could see . She got them to give her some water from the well , simply purified it through the filter and then - much to the teachers ' surprise - she drank it . There was an audible gasp in the room when they saw her drink it and they , with their eyes wide , told us that they did not drink the well water ! Doreen cheerfully told them that it was a powerful filter that she trusted and it took out all the sickness ( no small feat in Haiti , where cholera is a very real threat ) . The water was good now and in so doing she made believers out of all of them . The next day , two more clinics with several hundred children seen . Dr . Beyda writes : And here is the neat part . We again did water filtration that we left behind and " tippy taps " were built for hand washing . Simple and effective . We are making and leaving 2 of them in each of the 12 projects that we will have visited . " Why are you so sad ? " Dr . Jerry asked the child . " Because I 'm hungry , " the young boy said . There 's not much one can say after that . Dr . Jerry felt the emotion . I leave it to you to find your own emotion to what that young boy said . It is part of the ministry of One Child Matters to feed children the best we can . Today the children were given spaghetti with tomato sauce , a hardboiled egg and a banana . It may very well be the best meal they 'll have until they come back to the project for more . The team still has several days of clinics ahead . Please pray for strength and good rest for them as they try to serve the children in a way that reflects Jesus ' care for them ! Thank you for praying with us ! It snowed . And it snowed some more . So much so that what should have been an 8 - hour trip from Phoenix to the Dominican Republic took 40 hours . The team of 27 got scattered in several different directions - Atlanta , Dulles , JFK and Miami . And when everyone finally arrived , it was off for a 3 hour drive to the border to cross into Haiti . Not so easy though - two hours to negotiate the two countries ' protocols and paperwork . We made it through and off to our first project and clinic . The team fell together , each member knowing where to go and what to do and we saw a bunch of children in the 2 hours we had left in the day before night settled on us . We got our feet wet for the rest of the week . Well done team ! So you ask , what story do I have to tell ? What struck me on this first day ? What expectations were met and which ones were not ? Well , the story is a familiar one . An 8 year old girl who is the size off a 5 year old . Stunted . I was struck by the persistence of a country still torn from decades of unrest , an epidemic cholera still on the edge of reappearing , and a literally broken structure from an earthquake just a few years ago . I look for no rewards in what I do . No pats on the back . Making a child healthier , getting a smile and knowing that their chance for living a life with potential for doing great things is enough . This is my fifth trip to Haiti , the fourth with OCM , and this little border town of Ouanminthe has captured my heart and prayers since the beginning . Since I was a late arrival to this trip due to the weather and flight delays , I was not up on our itinerary and thus had no idea which projects we would serve . Today it turned out to be my old friend Adreese 's church . I had been here before but somehow the venue has changed . It was here that I learned how to tell the children to chew their vitamins : " Crazee . " It is a term that often comes to my mind no matter what country or language in which I am teaching children . Our first patient of the day is a 7 year old named Wendall . He was born just a few days after my own precious 7 year old back home . I tell him this but he is unimpressed , in fact , all my attempts to put his fearful face at ease , fail . I feel confident that he is confident I will be giving him a shot . When I try to have Bens reassure him that I will not be hurting him , Bens does not quite understand my intent and answers me that Wendall has no pain . Some things get lost in translation , so I let my actions speak louder than my words fail . I do my exam trying intentionally to touch him softly and with unexpected kindness . It occurs to me that I , myself , may be a picture of how God approached me when I was frightened and disconnected : guiding me with His trademark , unexpected kindness . It was and always is , the kindness that I don 't expect that is my salvation . I remember that unexpected kindness is the definition of the Grace of God … Please continue praying for the Medical Mercy team as they recover from their disrupted travel while serving hundreds of children in Haiti . May they continue to reach out with unexpected kindness , moving each child toward health and hope . One Child Matters | Post a Comment | Share Article tagged Haiti , Medical Mercy Tweet The Best Way To Measure Success In our latest update from Dr . Beyda , he tells us the story of a child he met and why numbers aren 't the only way they measure success . So let 's see . Over 1100 children seen in 4 days , one more day to go . I wonder what impact we 'll have . It 's not about the numbers - although we all are intrigued by the number , me included . It gives us a sense of accomplishment , a sense of completion . Really ? Not so fast . It 's really about the reason why and the way we do what we do , and what the children receive . I 'll let you decide what all those things are at least from the stories you read here . For me , it is simple . We have a reason why : to serve ; and the way is to give of ourselves and do our best to ensure the health of the children . Today is an example . We are still in a remote area of India , isolated and far from a big city . We saw about 320 children today , many still presenting with stunting , the product of severe malnutrition before the age of 5 years . One child in particular , the child you see above , is one of those . She is 8 years old and is the size of a 5 year old . She is chronically ill , has a persistent cough , pneumonia , may have TB , no appetite . A lack for life . She had no breakfast this morning . There was no food in the house . The parents have been " quarreling " according to the child , the mother is sick , and the father is rarely home . She is a sponsored child , and because of that she is one of the lucky ones . She gets a noon - time meal Monday through Friday because of the partnership One Child Matters has with a school that she attends , and she is cared for by OCM staff . Medical Mercy now gives her a chance for health . I gave her medications , put her in our follow - up system , and the local OCM staff will follow closely and send me a report in 2 weeks as to how she is doing . We did a full nutritional assessment on her , and she 'll be assessed every 6 months so I can see how she is doing . Without the medications , the follow up , the care and the intentional effort to get her better , she would pass away slowly and alone . There in lies the why and the way . She will do well , she will survive , she will grow and she will be able to live her life to her potential . We have one more clinic tomorrow . We 'll see a couple of hundred children and finish out the week with a " total number . " But more importantly , we will finish out the week having served and leaving behind a chance for the children to see a lifetime of love . Whatever the reason , life comes at us from directions unexpected . Today I expected to travel on a bumpy road , to a project with significantly impoverished children who longed for a decent life . That is not what happened today . And here is where the expectations turned to the positive . Since we were in a locale much poorer than where we were yesterday , I expected to see children who were sicker , more malnourished , more impoverished . The children were in fact a little sicker , more impoverished but relatively well nourished and well - adjusted despite the conditions they lived in . They were happy , content and interactive . One child who was born with a significant discrepancy in leg length had surgery a few months ago that One Child Matters financially supported through our Children 's Crisis Fund to correct his gait . He walks without a limp now , is self - confident and plays with the other children . It is things like this that make what we do worthwhile . Giving a child a chance to be a child . The team worked flawlessly . After yesterday nothing could slow us down . Everyone made the most of their individual talents and served the children . We leave tomorrow for another remote area and will be there for a few days . I 'll wait to see where the road takes us . No expectations this time . I 'll go where the road leads us and trust that it will end in a safe haven for children who have had little and now have something . Love and caring . One Child Matters | Post a Comment | Share Article tagged India , Medical Mercy Tweet First Day Of Clinics In India Children wait patiently to be seen by the Medical Mercy 's team . After 30 hours of traveling , the Medical Mercy team arrived safely in India with all their luggage - - praise God ! They had an afternoon of orientation to prepare for their first set of clinics . Here , Dr . Beyda recounts their day : Every now and then we have a day that we want to forget - - or remember . A day that is so out of the ordinary , so different , that it strikes a chord in our hearts and minds and plays a tune that makes us smile or gives us pause . Today was one of those days . Not knowing what to expect , we drove almost 2 hours to a remote province where we walked down a dirt road to a hidden school , a haven with children waiting . All were in uniform , white shirts , pants , skirts and blue ties for both boys and girls . We were surprised . Where were the poor and the isolated ? Where were the malnourished and the weak ? Where were the sick ? Wait for it . They were there , but hidden behind smiles and a sense of community in a school that offered an education and an opportunity to pursue a better life than the one the children were born into . And now here is what 's behind the uniforms and the smiles . Severe effects of malnutrition resulting in stunting . A 9 year old who was the size of a 6 year old . A 12 year old who looked like a 7 year old . Short stature with long - term effects . Healthy looking on the outside but compromised for life due to malnutrition before the age of 5 years , a deficit that cannot be made up now . Girls who will deliver prematurely once they become women and get pregnant . Boys who will grow up with weakened physiques limiting them to vocations that they may not be given an opportunity to succeed in . The pictures here are of how children are affected . The tragedy behind the veil of presumed health . We left feeling like we impacted lives . First aid training given and first aid kits left behind . A water filtration system left behind . Dental hygiene taught and toothbrushes left behind . Medications given and left behind . Children with illnesses identified who needed advance care sent to facilities who could help . Love and validation that they were children who deserved nothing less than that they were children who were treasured and cared for and cared about . All 462 of them . Yes , we saw , played with , treated , cared about , and loved on 462 children . Today . What a day . A day of sadness behind our smiles knowing that the children were going to be stunted for the rest of their loves . A day of happiness for leaving something good behind . A day so out of the ordinary that it made us both smile and give pause . Bittersweet , but what a wonderful day all the same . We praise God for the attentive care the Medical Mercy team provides for the children we serve . Although many children in India are physically stunted , we know that your sponsorship and the support you provide can ensure a child 's success is not dependent on their physical stature . Thank you for all you do to help the children , and please continue to pray with us for the Medical Mercy team ! One Child Matters | 2 Comments | Share Article tagged India , Medical Mercy Tweet Medical Mercy Leaves For India Please join us in praying for the Medical Mercy team which leaves tomorrow for their third trip to India . Medical Mercy last served children in India in January of 2012 . Dr . Beyda shared how they choose where to serve and what they expect to do during this trip . I am often asked how and why we choose the countries we go to . It is not that complex . We go where we think the greatest need is for the children at that point in time . So off we go to India , to a different location . South , on the very tip of India where One Child Matters has several projects with many children who are in need of medical care and nutritional assessments . A team of of several doctors and more than a dozen nurses and lay members will be leaving . I remember India well . The children have an aura of the unkempt , many with bags under their eyes , sunken and void of emotion , and with hair that is coated with dirt . I remember the times that we were faced with making critical decisions as to whether we could help a child or not . We did most of the time . Sometimes we can 't for reasons that may surprise you . No medical facility to send the child to that can offer the medical interventions that are needed and sometimes ( yes , hard to believe ) parents who don 't see the need to pursue medical treatment , believing instead in an obscure spiritual healing that is contrary to the evidence that there needs to be a partnership between medicine and religion . It is then that I realize that the critical moments in life always arrive with astonishing suddenness and then they are gone without us being able to do anything about them . I try to make the right decisions for my patients but there are times when I am in a moral gray area . How far can we go with limited resources and realistic outcomes ? It 's the age - old battle between mind and heart , which seldom want the same thing . We will see over 1500 patients in five days if all works out as planned . I pray that as we serve those who come to us for help , they will be comforted by the fact that whatever we do , it will be a validation of who they are : persons . No judgment , no pity , simply caring and love . For me , each day that we are with them , we validate that the power of the human spirit and faith can endure any challenge , no matter how daunting . Dr . Beyda has used the mountains of Nepal as an analogy for sustainable healthcare . This was not an easy climb - there were patients they could not effectively treat , patients whose lives may not improve to our standards . In those times , the best medicine they can give is to see them , touch them , pray with them or over them . The goal was to serve , and that was achieved . But as Dr . Beyda puts it , " It 's a start . We reached the ' summit ' but I 'm not ready to raise the flag just yet . We need to come back and make the climb again . And maybe again after that . Thank you to the team for all that you gave and sacrificed . It was a privilege and blessing to have made this ' climb ' with you . " We echo Dr . Beyda 's thanks to the 22 US volunteers plus the 4 from our One Child Matters India office . Thanks to those who gave to send these servants on their way . Thanks to those who sponsor children in Nepal , who ensure children receive better opportunities for health and life . In 2 Corinthians 9 , Paul gives instructions on how we are to give . " Remember this : Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly , and whoever sows generously will also reap generously . Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give , not reluctantly or under compulsion , for God loves a cheerful giver " ( verses 6 and 7 ) . This is what we love about Medical Mercy . At some point , you decided in your heart to give . You decided to give financially , but more importantly you decided to give of your time and talents , and you have done so generously . And so we pray 2 Corinthians 9 : 8 - 9 as well : And God is able to bless you abundantly , so that in all things at all times , having all that you need , you will abound in every good work . As it is written : One Child Matters | Post a Comment | Share Article tagged Medical Mercy , Nepal Tweet Getting To The Why Medical Mercy is wrapping up their time in Nepal . This is their 80th trip since they began serving several years ago . Since then , they 've cared for more than 75 , 000 kids as well as family and community members . Undertaking such a mission requires special motivaton , a faithfulness of heart that Dr . Beyda reflects on below . At the beginning of this trip , I asked the team to reflect on the question of " why . " Why are we here , and why did we choose to do this . I am then asked " how " do we do that . That is easy to answer as well . We hold medical clinics , we build medical clinics and staff them with nurses and local doctors when we can , we train local teachers to become healthcare workers so they can continue to deliver needed health are , we teach first aid , we show them how to filter their water , we show them how to brush their teeth , and we show and teach them good hygiene . But the question I am rarely asked is " why " do we do what we do . Few really want to know . They are more interested in the " what " and the " how . " Both are more tangible , easier to get their minds around . So when I 'm asked about the " what " and the " how , " I wait for the " why " and if it doesn 't come , I offer it . I 've asked the team to reflect on the " why " this week . I 've asked them to be prepared to answer the question if ever asked . I have my answer . It took awhile , but it is there . It 's solid , indisputable , non - negotiable , never needing defending , and personal . It is what gives me the strength to climb this " mountain " this week , this " mountain " of long days in clinics , sick children , at times frustrated because we can 't " climb " higher because we just can 't , and the slow trek upwards of making a child healthy enough to be able to smile and not feel pain . I have an answer as to " why . " I 'll share it with the team soon , and trust that the team will share their answers with me . We may find that we all have the same answers to the " why . " But before I do that , I 'll spend a few minutes talking to someone who knows me and what my reasons for " why " are . He 's the answer , you know . In all things give thanks , The rising sun brought those who were going to the base camp on Mount Everest to a gathering place where they awaited their ride . In 4 - 6 days they would reach 17 , 500 depending on their strength and endurance . Then another 10 days to 2 weeks at the base camp getting acclimated to the altitude in preparation for the trek to the 29 , 300 feet summit . They wait for a " window of opportunity " in the weather where they have 2 weeks to get up and back . I am in awe of their fortitude and determination . We approach our " base camp " no differently than the trekkers . Slowly , methodically , sure of every step , making everything count in order to reach our goal . We had our own trek . We walked about a half mile today into the project and again back out , carrying all of our supplies . No " sherpas . " This little girl in the picture perhaps gives you a sense of who we cared for today . We treated children with asthma , pneumonia , and ear infections . We saw children who were stunted , short for their age , as a result of being malnourished ( as , it is estimated , half of the children in Nepal are ) . Those children will be vulnerable to chronic illnesses and a short life span . Our sponsored children were seen , given the best we had , and for that they have been given a chance to reach the " summit . " The summit of making a life out of nothing and being able to breathe without coughing and wheezing . As for us tonight , we rest , and prepare for tomorrow , becoming more acclimated to what we 've seen and ready for what will be seen tomorrow . Nepal is a beautiful country . The children are uniquely beautiful with facial features and smiles that radiate . I 'll sleep a few hours tonight and wait for the rising sun and gather to a place in the morning where we will trek to the next project . A few thousand feet more and we are closer to the top : healthcare for those who need it the most . A mountain that has claimed many lives and has given many more the satisfaction of beating it , beckons us not to climb it but to wonder in awe how magnificent it is . Children beckon us as well . Children who are cared for by loving teachers and pastors . We will also wonder in awe how beautiful they are , how innocent they are and how much they need . We will be there to run 5 days of medical clinics and to bring a sense of calm to the illnesses that the children have . We make no pretense of being able to climb the mountain of sustainable healthcare and perfect nutritional growth just yet . The 22 members of the US team have been preparing for this climb , this trek . We have been in prayer , we have had many many emails back and forth , we have had set backs , roadblocks and yes even a slip or two down the side of this mountain . Not too far , but far enough that we 've had to climb a ways back up . But no worries here . As those who begin the climb of Mt . Everest , so too will we begin the climb of daily clinics , seeing as many children and adults as is meant to be . We will go slowly , methodically , carefully , taking each step with determination , comforted in the fact that we have the best " guide " with us . Him . When nothing happens out of the ordinary , one wonders what went wrong . And that is just what happened today . This was probably the best first day of clinics we 've ever had in all the trips we 've made . Easy setup , smooth flow , patients seen , changes made without questions , and 200 patients seen with time to spare . Well , there were a few glitches . No electricity , no generator , therefore no power to drive the drills and power tools the dentists needed to do their job . They improvised all the same , and teeth got pulled , repaired , beautified and cleaned , and all was good . The children were relatively healthy with a few falling outside the norm , but were easily attended to . Several children caught our attention : a 10 year old girl with a heart murmur who was told she needed surgery at the age of 2 , and got lost to follow - up , only to return today , 8 years later wondering if now was a good time to get the surgery done . Nope , wouldn 't happen , not today , not tomorrow , not any time soon unfortunately . A 10 year old boy shows up in a wheel chair with a mechanical brace on his right leg . History : hit by a motorcycle 1 year ago , some type of surgery was performed , the leg put in this brace , and now a year later , having not walked all this time , asked us to fix it so he could . The leg was misaligned , turned inward and would need a competent orthopedic surgeon to make things right . Out of the blue , an anesthesiologist who also happened to be the director of a private hospital close by , comes for an unannounced visit , and offers to have an orthopedic surgeon see the child at no cost . So we started the " climb " , got a few hundred feet up the mountain , and there we sit until tomorrow . Then up we go . Serving those who come to see us . Day 1We went to the very first project ever opened and where we had built out medical clinic over 5 years ago . 307 patients were seen after a late start . A few very sick children : one who was sent to a hospital , one child who was severely neurologically devastated from birth , and one who need her foot amputated due to progressive gangrene . All that in addition to 5 hours of lectures to the Health Care Workers , nutritional assessments , dental hygiene , VBS , spiritual counseling , pharmacy , all patients entered into our database using bar codes , reading glasses for the elderly and more . The team didn 't blink an eye . For now , everyone here sends hello to their loved ones . We were promised a working internet server tomorrow . We 'll see . Tomorrow is another day , another test of our endurance and a test of faith . The children are anxious for attention , going from one of us to another , looking for and receiving hugs . We look to their faces as they sing , seeing happiness despite the lack of comforts as we know them . I wonder if we should look at ourselves once in awhile and see if we truly need all that we have . MondayIt 's the rainy season here . Therefore it rains . Rivers flood and washes overflow . You 'd think we 'd know better . . . . wouldn 't you . Not us . We forged ahead . The internet is sporadic so I can send only one picture , but it will give you an idea of what we went through . We walked across and took all our med over in a small truck , making it across okay . Coming back we didn 't . The truck got stuck in the middle of the wash . No 4 - wheel drive but a lot of pulling and pushing the truck worked . We spent just 4 hours in the village before we had to leave since the clouds were gathering and we were afraid to get stuck there overnight . The children sang and danced for us and we then worked with the healthcare workers examining them . We go back there today . Hopefully it will be better . We are well and thankful for being able to do His work . Tuesday50 kilometers from Kajiado is a small village called Kiburro . It took us 2 hours to go the distance . 30 miles . It gives you a sense of how deep into the bush we were . This is Masai territory , traditional in dress and culture . Beaded jewelry on the women , rhythmic dancing , leaping men with long sticks , and machetes . We were greeted with that and blessed with it when we left . I looked out from where we were holding clinic and could see for miles , the valleys of the Masai territory . Umbrella trees giving shade to acres of bush and then open plains . We saw gazelle roaming freely and small herds of goats roaming under the watchful eyes of young Masai boys . I grew up in Somalia and being here in Kenya brings back so many memories of my years there . I feel at home . I 'm back fulfilling a dream of being a doctor and practicing in east Africa . I was 6 years old when I made that my goal . God is amazing . We saw all of the One Child Matters children and then some . The Health Care Workers shined as they examined the children , their skills becoming fine tuned under the guidance of the US team . We are a total team of 36 , Kenyans and US . We have one purpose : to care for the children where no one else wants to go . And that is Kiburro . The One Child Matters children were so much healthier than the children in the village who are not One Child Matters sponsored children . A testimony to a HCW program and sponsorship which ensures food , clothing , education , and love . Perhaps one day we will have all of the children of Kiburro under our wing . The US team is powered by a spirit of love and grace . We move to another village tomorrow , distant as well . We are not weary . We are privileged and blessed . Fruits of our labour . Plant a seed . Teach them to fish . All are familiar phrases that address doing something for someone in order to make them self sufficient and show their success , to give them an opportunity to succeed , and to put in place a plan that will grow . It is what we strive to do for those who are less fortunate than most , and who are willing , dedicated , motivated , and driven to make the best of what they have been given . The intent of the HCW program is to ensure sustainability of healthcare needs of the children after our medical teams leave . The HCW becomes the one source for healthcare needs in their projects . There are now trained HCWs in Cambodia , Swaziland , Ethiopia and Kenya . The question is , has the HCW program been successful ? That 's why I 'm here in Ethiopia , to see if it has made a difference . I spent several hours the first day reviewing their knowledge base , given them some advanced lectures and quizzing them . No need for worries there . They were sharp , inquisitive , and motivated . I then went to the projects and did a medical standards assessment on the healthcare of the children . Here is a summary : We have 11 projects in Ethiopia with about 3000 children that we care for . There are 9 HCWs here , having completed their training just over a year ago when we came here to do clinics . They worked with us for 5 days and were seeing patients on their own most of the time , making the right diagnosis and starting the right treatment . Outcome measures that are positive , fruitful and successful . There is more that I 've found in addition to what I 've listed above , but I hope you see the effect of this HCW program . The One Child Matters kids are well cared for . I leave for Kenya tomorrow to do the same there , except this time , I 'll have my medical team with me . 18 US team members . We will have 5 days of clinics and the HCWs will work with us . Fruits of our labour . Planting a seed . Teaching them to fish . The children are better for it . Right now Dr . Beyda is traveling to our projects in Latin America to check on the health programs and staff he has trained . That 's why we praise God for His work through Medical Mercy ; it is not a one - time mission trip . It means establishing and continuing sustainable health care for the kids who need it most . Three countries , 5 cities , 10 days . That 's Honduras , Haiti , and the Dominican Republic . I 'll be going to several of our projects in each of the countries to see how we 're doing with our medical care . If we 've done our job well , we 've left behind an infrastructure of health care that is supporting the growth and development of the children . I 'll be going to the projects , looking at the children , talking with the project leaders , the teachers , the cooks , local health care professionals , and yes , even the children . It 's a time to fix what needs fixing , and applaud that which is going well . I 'm looking forward to clapping long and hard and perhaps even giving a standing ovation . We 'll just have to wait and see . How do you ensure that those 3000 children get health care , all of the time , consistently , completely and without question ? You have doctors like Victoria and Francisco with the help of Mae - Ling and her husband to take care of the Mission of Mercy children . 24 hours a day . For several years now , Victoria and Francisco have served all of the projects , visiting all of them and all of the children multiple times a year , established a nutritional supplementation program , a 24 - hour call center , an ambulance , a central clinic base , and a mobile clinic program , twice yearly physical exams for all the Mission of Mercy children , and much more . I spent two days with them , traveled to 4 of the projects , saw what they had accomplished , and stood up and applauded . Standing ovation ! ! These two young physicians found a place to serve , to give and to fulfill their vision . The children of Mission of Mercy are better for it . One Child Matters | Post a Comment | Share Article tagged Dominican Republic , Haiti , Honduras , Medical Mercy , child sponsorship Tweet Glimpses Of The India We Serve More reflections from the Medical Mercy team in India . Although the internet is too intermittant to allow for many pictures , we are grateful to nurse Anne Braudt for the word - pictures she paints . Here are a few haunting glimpses into the clinics and the surrounding environs . Expect the unexpected . Plan for the worst , hope for the best . It 's never what we think . And that is what the day was like . Not the flow of the clinic , nor the attitude of the team , or the dynamics of seeing another 300 patients today , but it was the patients . Smaller in stature than yesterday , a little sicker , and their stories that were far from the norm . There were a lot of wonderful ones , children being seen , hugged , sung to and with , prayed with , and played with . That was the majority . The evidence of compassion and love for the children we saw was everywhere . But like it or not , it is the occasional unexpected encounter or worst case scenario that puts the whole day into perspective . That things happened and whether we like it or not , we are faced with it to deal with . Three children stood out : One child whose only complaint was that he was depressed . He lives in boarding house for children who are single or double orphans ( one or both parents having died ) . He received news in the manner of a letter addressed to him that his father died recently . Another child had with him a picture of his parents taken a while back . He was 10 years old . He showed me the picture and asked me if I had seen them or knew anything about them . He hadn 't seen them in 5 years . He woke up one day and they were both gone . He lived in the street until he found a home in the village that we were in . He was taken in by a kind family . I looked at the picture and couldn 't find the words to speak . I simply shook my head no . He shook his head as well as he silently cried . I hugged him and prayed with him . He left , the picture still clutched in his hand . And the third child 6 years old . I asked her if I could take her picture and if I could show others to witness to her that she was as much a child to be valued and recognized by all . She was hesitant at first , but then said yes . Burned by falling into a pot of boiling water at the age of 3 , she survived as you see her here . She told me that she won 't look in the mirror . She is the daughter of a fisherman and his wife , the lowest class of a caste system in this region . Poorer than poor . She was not a One Child Matters sponsored child , but one of the children in the village who came to us for medical care . I realized that if she wasn 't embraced and surrounded by a loving community , she would be lost to the world . Never marrying , being ridiculed , and maybe even worse - - being taken advantage of , or even taking her own life later on . One Child Matters has a vision and mission to care for those children who are less than fortunate , to prove that one child matters . This child is one of them . She is now a One Child Matters child , and sponsored . I am humbled to be able to be part of her life from now on . Dental hygiene , water filtration , first aid education on one tract , nutritional assessment in another . Medical exams in a third tract , and pharmacy dispensing meds in their tract . A total of 50 people making this happen . The US team , Indian support team , interpreters , teachers , and helpers all working together to see 300 children . That was the big picture . Now focus . Stunting affects over 60 million children India . Stunting is when the child 's height does not match the age . Short , small , little growth , and nutritionally depleted . In this picture you see Jeremy on the right , a healthy 13 - year - old US boy . The Indian boy next to him is also 13 . He is one of 60 million children in India who are stunted . Can we help ? Not in the sense of getting him to grow anymore , but we can simply assure him that despite his size , he is as valuable a member of the community as anybody else . We did that . He smiled , became animated and we focused . On him . Polio is still prevalent in India despite the availability of vaccines . Poor compliance and a lack of awareness and education yields what we see here . A brace , old style , bulky , uncomfortable , worn for life . No physical therapy . She asks if there is a way to make her leg stronger . The hard answer is no . What we can do is make her life more comfortable by getting here a new brace , one that is light weight , comfortable and less obtrusive . We 're working on that . Focus . We did alright for the first day . The big picture is clear . There are a lot of children here who need to be cared for . One Child Matters is doing that . It is the details of the picture , the areas of the picture that are difficult to see that Medical Mercy is focusing on . The individual child , their needs , and how they live as it relates to their health care . One Child Matters | 1 Comment | Share Article tagged India , Medical Mercy , child sponsorship , health , response Tweet Prayer Request : Medical Mercy In India Medical Mercy is starting the new year right where they left off : bringing hope and health to children in our projects around the world . Dr . Beyda is asking for prayer for this trip . Here are the details : Tomorrow we leave for India . A team of 18 , medicines , equipment and excitement . We 'll be in the southern part of India along the coast off the Bay of Bengal based in a small town called Puri , population 150 , 000 . Puri is well known as a pilgrimage site for Hindus with their many gods . That will tell you something . We 'll be running simultaneous " tracts of care " in each : nutritional assessments , first aid training , implementing a water filtration system , medical examinations and treatment , and vitamins and de - worming medicines for all . It 's amazing to see the tracts running in parallel , patients moving from one tract to the another , and finally exiting with an opportunity for spiritual counseling . We all know the saying " what are we bringing to the table ? " when we talk about negotiations and relationships . What is it that we " bring " that will be valuable to the other person ? In this case , it 's obvious . Medical care , pure water , vitamins , first aid kits , and prayer . But here 's where I like to go a little off the path . I am always aware of " what we bring , " but I am more acutely aware of " what we leave behind . " It is the memories , the interactions , the changed lives , the improvement of what sometimes is just an existence for those we meet . It is the power of prayer , the introduction to a God who is singular in His reign , and at times the new believer that we leave behind . And so it begins tomorrow . We 're bringing much … I 'm excited to see what we leave behind . Be with us . In all things give thanks , David One Child Matters | Post a Comment | Share Article tagged India , Medical Mercy , child sponsorship , prayer request Tweet Medical Mercy : Final thoughts from Bangladesh When we are in a country that has values different from what we believe in , we need to begin to understand our purpose : to serve , to be humble and to be compassionate . To all . Regardless .
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Mothers are acutely aware of the need to preserve theirs sons ' dignity as they mature into men . Mothers embody pride for sons and their daughters from the moment they are born . They are proud because the child belongs to them , but beyond that defensive ownership a mother feels pride for her son because he is male . She sees herself as the one who must transfer her sense of pride in his masculinity to him so that when he is older he will internalize that pride in his masculinity and protect his dignity for himself . The beauty of a mother as keeper and teacher of her son 's dignity is that it transcends all aspects of his character and his capabilities . In her eyes his very existence warrants dignity . He may have spastic quadriplegia from cerebral palsy , be bound in a wheelchair and unable to mutter any words , but he has dignity and she will teach the world this . He may be a concert cellist , a professional athlete , a broker on Wall Street , or a janitor ; in every case she will see , expose , and protect his dignity because he must have it . She is his number one fan , and will demand that others honor him because he is a boy transitioning into a man . I am implying nothing about a mother 's lover for her daughter . Mothers most certainly love their daughters and value them ( or they should ) equally with their son . My explanation of a mother protecting her son 's honor does not imply that she feels any less toward her daughter . My point is simply that her feelings - and therefore her behavior towards - her son is different than it is towards her daughter . Sons are different than daughters . Gender differences matter and they are good . Sometimes a mother 's diligence in demanding respect for her son can go overboard . I had a patient who was quite small for his age through elementary school and junior high school . He was a likeable , rambunctious boy and performed well academically . But his mother was extremely sensitive about his size . Her mannerisms told anyone near her that they best not make fun of her son . She felt that she must teach the world that while he was small , he was masculine . One could sense when they were near her , particularly with her son present , that she was anticipating a slur against his maleness , an affront to the dignity he deserved . To keep his friends and their parents , teachers , and coaches aware of his masculinity , she followed him everywhere he went to make sure that no one made fun of him - that everyone respected his masculinity . She was room mother or at least co - room mother in every grade in elementary school . When he played sports she watched from the team side of the playing field , rather than the parent side . Every game , she argued with the coaches about equal playing time for her son . And much to the child 's dismay , she made him play football in junior high . He didn 't make the weight cut so he played a level down but she didn 't care . When the poor boy was invited to birthday parties , she not only brought him , she stayed to " help out " at the party . Interestingly , if girls were there she would leave , but if there were only boys she stayed . Fortunately for the poor child , when he was sixteen he started to grow . And he grew and grew . By the end of his junior year in high school , he had acquired androgenized muscles , a hint of a beard , and he could buy thirty - two length blue jeans . And guess what happened to her following him around ? It stopped . She felt vindicated and proud - in her mind she was finally secure that she had " transferred " her son 's dignity to a permanent place on his shoulders . Of course , her son grew and matured despite this over - mothering . By gluing herself to her son she only reinforced to him that his masculinity was fragile . It was up for grabs and since he wasn 't able to stand up for himself , she had to be the replacement . Her presence was a constant reminder to him of his inadequacy . This was something that he had to deal with as he grew up . Perhaps it is because mothers are not male that they guard maleness so fiercely in their sons . They do not take it for granted . The same way a father intuitively protects his daughter , a mother preserves her son 's dignity . Grace is love that is undeserved . Because a mother can see through a gnarled physique , a low IQ , a beast - like temper , or a chronic disease right to the soul of her son , she can spot the beauty within him , which allows her to love him . She can forgive him , excuse him , accept him , and love him when no one else will . Because her eyes pierce through the layers of this ugliness and find the lost part of his self , she can extend him grace when no one else can . While fathers can do this with sons as well , in my experience mothers have this ability in far more abundance than fathers do - or at least impart it far more frequently . I believe this to be true because mothers don 't expect as much from sons as fathers since they and are not in competition with them . Every son needs to experience grace . I don 't think that any human experience changes a boy 's character as dramatically or elevates his sense of self - worth so clearly . To know that he is not good enough , not smart enough , or too mean to be loved is devastating to a boy . But the experience of a mother 's embrace and acceptance is life changing for a boy . When a mother extends outstretched arms to a son who has failed in sports , or school , or socially , or been deemed not smart enough , " manly enough , " or just plain not good enough , he begins to understand what love is all about . The moment a mother extends her grace , he begins to understand that goodness in being a man isn 't all about his performance . It isn 't about his successes or his failures . It is about being able to accept love from another and then return that love . He learns this lesson when his mother accepts him in the midst of life 's lowest points . And when he learns to accept love when he feels humiliated , he learns to stand a bit taller . He learns to trust in himself as a man . The very qualities which cause men to be attracted to women can often become the very qualities which men come to hate later in life . And the reverse is true . Some women are attracted to men because they are hard - working and show great commitment to their work . Later on , those same women complain that their husbands are workaholics and never around . This is true for men . Studies reveal that most women talk about twice as much as men over the course of the day . Women are expressive , and that expressiveness helps mothers become the emotional connector within a family . Fathers are good at setting rules and finding solutions . Mothers are better at understanding . At first a man is attracted to a women because she is expressive - she talks about the relationship and its positives and negatives . Years later , he leaves home frequently because he is talked out . The fact that women use more words and are in general more openly expressive serves sons very well . Mothers teach sons about their feelings and thoughts and help boys become comfortable with them . This lends itself to helping boys establish healthy connectedness with their mothers and , importantly , other people . Her words help him become a better man . She can teach him to become comfortable putting words to his feelings and that he has a choice as to when and how he verbalizes his feelings . A mother can teach her son about girls , because a son respects his mother even when he finds it hard to tolerate the girls at school . She teaches him to tolerate girls at various ages , to excuse their feminine behaviors that he finds ridiculous , and to appreciate that the differences between boys and girls are not good and bad , but two beneficial aspects of human nature . Later , she can help him understand and , therefore more easily accept , how women think and why . Sometimes mothers pain their sons by explaining and talking too much , and women do need to understand that while they , mothers , are responsible for helping sons to understand others , to love them and connect with them , boys may choose to do this in different ways . Grown men don 't always bond through verbal communication . They often bond with others through action , which can be anything from athletics to shared hobbies to work , rather than through sharing feelings and emotions . Mothers need to remember that her goal is to help her son be comfortable enough with himself to form deep bonds and respect his way of doing it . Mothers earnestly teach lessons by talking more but it is important to realize that as their son matures his thinking does as well . As he ages , his cognitive skills help him think more pragmatically . This allows him to see what she is trying to say and absorb it quickly , if he can identify the lesson she is trying to teach . Beyond words , her physical affection allows him to feel more comfortable being affectionate with others . Her open communication lets him understand his own thoughts and appreciate those of others . As she makes herself trustworthy , he learns to trust other women . All of these aspects and many more of her femininity open a path for him to connect more soundly with others - both men and women . Mothers ideally bring all of these qualities to their sons . They love adoringly , protect until death , guard their son 's dignity , extend grace when it is needed , and ensure healthy relationships for him in the future . The reality of a mother 's love is that it sometimes comes out sideways . Mothers are often tired , manipulated , and they make mistakes . They scream when they mean to apologize . They feel guilty that they have to work rather than stay at home with the children . They worry about all the things that can go wrong . But there 's an easy way to take some of the pressure off - and that is to allow both you and your son more time to relax . Some of the most important moments of being a parent consist of just being there for your kids and sharing the most mundane aspects of life with them . Mothers who spend too much time with other mothers often compare notes and feel they are doing too little . But motherhood isn 't a competition . It is a state of being . Twenty - first - century , post - modern mothers site many reasons they are anxious . Peer pressure heads the list of influences operating in a mother 's life which dramatically alters how she raises her son . Peer pressure usually has a very negative affect on sons because it rarely causes mothers to make better decisions for their son . It acts against their own instincts and is therefore usually detrimental to the son . Mothers ungulate ceaselessly about their concerns over the peer pressure their son experiences . But peer pressure that parents feel affects a boy more significantly than the peer pressure he feels from his contemporaries . Usually the mother is influenced more heavily by peer pressure simply because most women spend more time with other mothers than fathers do with other fathers . Consider the number of scheduled activities boys have . Why does Johnny go to piano lessons , soccer , and football practice all at the same time ? Because other mothers have their sons enrolled in two to three extra - curricular activities . Mothers want their sons to be similar enough to other boys so that they will be accepted among their peers . This is a healthy desire . But if it leads to enrolling Johnny in piano lessons , soccer , and football practice all at the same time because other mothers have their sons enrolled in two or three extra - curricular activities , then it 's not . The problem is , two to three scheduled events stress some sons unduly . We know that sons who have healthy relationships with their parents fare much better life . Your sons don 't need more activities that separate them from you , they need more time with you . And guess what ? A night spent reading at home with your sons is a night that 's a lot less stressful for you and them than a night spent running between this practice and that recital . Further , it decreases the amount of time a son spends with his mother and father and we know that sons who have healthy relationships with parents fare much better in life . But we sign them up anyway . The United States is the wealthiest country on the planet - but prescriptions for anti - depressants and anxiolytics have soared over the past five years . Why ? Because mothers and fathers are stressed by the demands on them - the demands of work , family , and keeping up with the Joneses . And much of these demands come from trying to get to work on time , to make enough money to pay for the shoes , lessons , and tuition for our sons that other boys have . But you don 't need to keep up with the Joneses . You only need to keep a roof over your head and raise mentally and physically healthy children . You 'd be better off going for family walks together than working harder to make extra money to pay for more activities for the kids . When Caroline came to my office with her six - month - old boys , I knew the visit would be long : her mother was in tow . I entered the examination room to see her twin boys , Caleb and Connor , sitting on a blanket in on the middle of the exam room floor . Caroline looked tired , her shoulders sagged . I noticed that her shoulders had lost their squareness as she leaned over to give a Cheerio to Caleb . Clearly she had dressed up for her appointment , and wore heavy makeup , as if to disguise her fatigue . She had concealer caked on her eyes and pale tangerine lipstick covering her lips . As we chatted , I noticed movement only on the right side of her mouth . The left eyelid and the left side of her mouth were drooping . There was a crack in her voice . She cleared her throat to conceal it . She wanted to show me and her mother that she was doing extraordinarily well . But I recognized the symptoms and realized that Caroline had developed Bell 's Palsy . As I asked pertinent questions about the boys ' development , eating habits , and sleep patterns , her answers were encouraging but abbreviated . When I started to place the twins on my exam table , she quickly stood to help . While I examined Caleb , she played with Connor while consoling his brother . When I switched to Connor , she continued to concentrate on the two at once . " No , no , this is important . I think we need her opinion " her mother persisted . Caroline complied . " What are your concerns ? " I asked , looking at the mother . " Dr , Meeker , I 'm worried about Caroline 's health . You can probably see she has developed Bell 's Palsy . Her doctor gave her some type of steroid medicine for that and she cries a lot . Her doctor also said that she is depressed so he gave her another medicine for that . She started it a few months ago but it 's hard for me to tell if it 's working or not because she is exhausted all the time . You see , she hardly sleeps . One of the boys is awake every couple of hours wanting to eat . Since she insists on nursing them , she won 't let me help . I can 't give them a bottle and she won 't feed them back - to - back . She lets them eat whenever they want to . " Caroline 's mother paused long enough for Caroline to interrupt her . " Mother , you just don 't understand , " she said . " Things are different today . Breast milk is best for the boys and they need it - everything I read about nursing says that they should eat on demand . You didn 't feed me that way in your day . " " Wait a minute , " I said . " Let me get this straight , Caroline . You nurse the boys whenever they want to nurse , you are taking steroids because half of your face can 't move , and you are suffering from depression , for which you take medication every day . " " I can see that you feel confused , exhausted , and guilty . That 's the way any normal mother in your situation would feel . " I waited . She seemed surprised by the question . " Breast milk . It boosts their immune system , it wards off infections ; there are antibodies in breast milk that they can 't get any other way . And it helps me bond better with them . I 've read that babies find breast milk emotionally gratifying . How can I not give that to them ? " Like any enthusiastic , loving mother , Caroline had scoured the Internet for information on nursing and had found volumes . Most of what she had read was correct , but some was false . But more important , she had completely lost her balance . So why didn 't she ? Peer pressure . Most mothers feel extraordinary pressure from friends , doctors , and baby books to nurse as long as possible . Certainly I advocate this but I encourage more maternal intuition and common sense . She shook her head . I explained the seriousness of post - partum depression and the role that elevated oxytocin , which is associated with breastfeeding , played in the depression . I discussed the potential impact of her depression on the boys . She dug her heels in . Without words she told me she would sacrifice anything , including her health ( and ironically , the health and happiness of her family ) , for her boys . And giving up nursing was not an option . Mothers are a competitive lot and I sensed that part of Caroline wanted to be Super Mom . Her friends nursed only one child at a time . She could do two . Her mother pleaded with me to convince Caroline to show some common sense . Realizing that I wasn 't making headway , I finally said , " Well , let me tell you . If they were my sons I wouldn 't want them to have steroids or anti - depressants in their systems for this long . " She stared at me . Her lips were tight , then they relaxed . Her shoulders straightened and she looked at her mom . " Well , all right . I will wean them a little bit , " she said . Sometimes mothers of sons get crazy . We just do . In our longing to make our sons psychologically sound , physically strong , and developmentally on track ( usually we want them advanced ) we toss common sense aside . We believe , usually errantly , that others know a better way to parent than we do . So we follow the lead of our peer group . And , I might add , parents of teenage boys are the worst at committing this travesty . The fact is , your intuition as a mother is better than comparing yourself to other mothers . A mother needs to take a hard look at why she does what she does . Why does her son do what he does ? If she recognizes honestly that her motives stem from peer pressure to keep her son ahead of the others , she must buck that peer pressure . Sons need more stress - free homes - which will dictate how they behaves in school much more significantly than does the behavior of their friends . And one lesson we should all learn is that while mothers want more for their sons , the truth is that sons need less . Boys need fewer toys and fewer clothes . They need more time with their mothers and fathers , less time in structured events , and more time being bored - yes , bored - so that they can use their imagination and creativity and figure out what to do . Young men need less time face - to - screen with electronic life and more time face - to - face with people . Less television , video games , clothes , telephone bills , sports events , and preschool hours mean less stress for mothers and more time for boys to figure out who they are and what they want out of life . All of these things - electronics , clothes , sports events , ad nauseum - make their way into a boy 's life because his mother ( and his father ) yield to life as their neighbors live it , the way they see it around them rather than the way it ought to be . When a son enters a mother 's life , many feelings from her own childhood are triggered . As she swaddles her new son and pulls him towards her chest , he becomes a catalyst for the eruption of emotions that may have been repressed many years earlier . This isn 't his fault . This is the normal and often healthy reaction of a parent . Often these feelings are warm and pleasant - a reliving of a sense of trust , affection , and comfort . Sometimes they are painful - a sense of abandonment , fear , and perplexity . Many mothers experience myriad emotions which can seem frightening and perplexing . Bruno Bettelheim asserts that if a mother had an unhappy childhood , she may see her son 's happiness and avoid responding to it . His happiness feels uncomfortable , so in order to avoid embracing his happiness she becomes aloof and indifferent to him . This is much the same as a melancholy friend becoming irritated by an exuberant one . But a son can also trigger deep - seated pain for many women . Mothers who have experienced sexual abuse at the hands of men ( particularly a father ) have serious challenges in their relationships with their son . It is not uncommon for the birth of a son to trigger repressed memories of abuse in mothers along with the concomitant fear and anxiety . If she had a good relationship with her own father ( and has a good relationship with the father of her child ) , the odds are that these feelings will be positive . But if her relationship with her father was troubled , or if she is a divorced or single mother , and if she fails to recognize what is happening to her emotionally , a mother will transfer the ugly feelings she has from her experiences on to her son . This can complicate her relationship with her son terribly . Feelings mothers have towards sons can be convoluted , overlaid with conflictual experiences with other men or perhaps other children . But a mother 's goal should always be to keep her feelings towards her son as honest and clean as possible . She should feel affection for him and not confuse her affections for him with her feelings for another person . She should love him as a masculine being and this love should be free from an overlaying of love towards other men . Any disappointment towards her son should stem from something he has done - not from something other males have done to her in the past . In my experience , four patterns of a mother 's love toward her son erupt when she is unable to emotionally separate her past bad experiences with men from her present relationships with her son . Divorced or single , mothers are particularly vulnerable to any one of these patterns . They are : enmeshment , estrangement , over - dependence , and unavailability . Enmeshment between a mother and son occurs when a mother cannot identify where she ends and her son begins . She feels his feelings and very often he feels hers . She is compelled to fix his life because she feels that she is living his life . His hurts are her hurts . His anxiety is hers . Because she is unable to " peel " her emotional self off of him , she experiences his trouble and will do everything within her power to fix it . Mothers who feel that their lives are devoid of substance are prone to enmeshment because they must cling to someone to give their own life meaning . Her son and his feelings , needs , and desires become fused with her in order that she can feel satisfied on a deeper level . The problem is , satisfaction never comes . He cannot give enough or be enough for her . She cannot shape his life or navigate it to her liking . So he becomes a chronic disappointment . As for her son , he can feel his mother 's emotional entanglement with him , and it naturally makes him uncomfortable . In the tale of the Great Divorce , the mother of Elisha is forced to leave her son . She has attached herself as a leech in her son 's life and when the time for separation comes , she screams in anguish . She cannot let go of him . One can sense a tearing of flesh as he pulls himself away from her . Her fingers are clawing at his back . She screams because she literally feels as though her person is being torn in two . Mothers who feel empty , insecure , or struggle with a longing to fill a deep void in their lives must exercise great caution . The emptiness can be filled and the longing can be satisfied but never through a son . ESTRANGEMENT Though estrangement is the flip side of enmeshment , it is often the result of the same causes : divorce , single motherhood , or a history of sexual abuse . In this case , it causes a mother to feel estranged from her son simply because he is male . She might regard normal boyish pranks as malevolence . When her son wants her affection , she might push him aside to keep him from becoming " a sissy . " When he becomes a teenager she might reprimand him constantly for behavior that reminds her of her former husband , or his deadbeat dad . There are subtler ways in which a mother can undermine her son as well . She can pay more attention to other women - friends , her daughter , her mother - and brush his needs off easily . She may verbalize affection for a daughter and rarely verbalize affection toward her son . She can use sarcasm to joke about the shortcomings of his father and his own shortcomings as a boy or as a young man . When a boy realizes that he is being rejected because he is a male , he pulls away , and his mother , in turn , pulls even farther away . Mothers who are divorced , particularly those who have endured a very hostile divorce , must heed tremendous caution . When there is dissention between a mother and a father , very frequently a mother can unwittingly take this out on her son . Far too many sons end up in the crossfire after a parent 's divorce . Another word of caution is warranted here when considering divorce . Very frequently sons become overly protective towards their mother after a divorce . An oldest son might feel compelled to become the " man of the house . " A boy who does this is obviously well - intentioned , but he remains a boy and shouldn 't be required to take any mental and emotional burdens for which he is developmentally unprepared . Divorce is a tragedy that takes a very heavy toll on boys , as well as mothers and fathers . Boys who had previously behaved very age appropriately can suddenly behave very age inappropriately after a divorce has occurred . The best gift for any child is a stable , loving home with a mother and a father . If you have that gift , preserve it . There is a world of difference between a mother having a healthy emotional connection with her son , and a son becoming so emotionally reliant on his mother that he becomes the prototypical boy who is overly dependent upon his mother - a " mama 's boy . " Sadly , many women have misinterpreted this as a state of emotional connection with sons and pushed their sons away far too early . There is a very significant difference between over - dependence and healthy connectivity . Most infant boys cling to their mothers . Of course , as an infant , he will want to be attached to her , often literally . As a toddler he will begin to wander a little , while always running back to her . During his elementary school years , he will mimic this toddler - type of wandering then reconnection but the psychological distance he wanders and the length of time he allows to elapse between returning to the safety of his mother will increase . Growing boys value their growing independence . Over - dependence occurs when a mother consistently communicates to her son that he needs her . She must clothe him , feed him , drive him places , help him with his homework , and assist him in every way , and no one else can fill her spot . This is particularly harmful to a son because it communicates to him that his father has no significant role in filling his needs . And it 's terribly painful for fathers . She must help him with his homework because only she can teach him . The lesson a boy learns is that he cannot succeed on his own . Of course , most of what a needy mother communicates is too subtle for a son to identify ; but all he knows is that it feels awful . Mothers who have experienced a poor relationship with their fathers or who have been through a bad divorce are very susceptible to this behavior . But to be warned about it is to guard against it . Since they feel wounded by men , they experience a significant drop in their self - esteem , and they purpose to make up for this loss by being terribly important in their son 's life . When such a mother feels her son ( a male ) need her , she feels that his neediness of her and her alone validates her ability to be in a non - hostile relationship with a male . Unfortunately , over - dependence blunts a boy 's emotional development . When mothers entered the workforce with renewed intensity during the last half of the twentieth century , many came under attack for abandoning their families . Numerous research studies appeared on the effects of daycare on children and the effects of maternal absence on the psychological development of children . Women who worked ( without pay ) in the home raising their children and women who worked jobs outside of the home felt pressured from all sides . Women who stayed home to raise their children suffered from feelings of inadequacy to lower self - esteem to anxiety about not bringing money home to the family , while women who worked outside the home experienced guilt and sadness about being away from their children . Mine is a generation of women who determined with a fresh ferocity to shift the worlds of finance , law , medicine , and any other workplace dominated by men to accommodate us . We were tired of limited choices , disrespect , and often just plain bored with the mundane task of keeping our homes in order and our children well cared for . Mothers can find research and books to support and encourage their lifestyle choice , whatever it is . Where parenting is concerned , there is no positive research or advice . That 's why I hold much of it loosely . My belief is that if we mothers are tough enough to be honest with ourselves , we will know what our sons need . We know the moment they are born our sons need to form strong emotional attachments to their mother or their father in order to learn to trust that they will be cared for and that they are worth being cared for . Many argue , and even some research shows , that as long as any adult consistently provides for a boy 's basic needs during his first one to two years of life , he will fair well psychologically . The problem is , for the majority of mothers , we know better . We believe that our son needs a strong bond with us , and we with him . Boys need to form emotional bonds with their mothers over time in a consistent manner . We do know that boys who fail to form these bonds in the first two years of life suffer attachment issues for many years and are at risk for of never being able to form healthy attachments to others . And boys can 't form bonds or learn to trust others if their mother ( or consistent mother figure ) isn 't available or dependable . We need only to look at the psychological health of many boys in orphanages from the old Soviet Union . Many were adopted by families in the United States . Many of the older boys in particular demonstrated serious attachment disorders and parents of these boys were distraught and frightened because while many of these orphaned boys acted quiet , compliant , and sweet externally , internally they were almost vacant . Many were so emotionally bankrupt that the only feelings they were comfortable feeling were anger and hostility . The circumstances of their infancy years demonstrate why their comfort with only negative feelings makes sense . When my patient Andrew was born in Ukraine , his mother was very poor and placed him in an orphanage . He was given a crib and fed several times a day , but was removed from the crib and held only one or two times a week , his adoptive mother was told . He walked at age two rather than age one because he never had the opportunity to be out of his crib . In short , he experienced a profound sense of abandonment . And abandonment , I believe , is the most painful human experience possible . Andrew was deprived of touch , affection , eye contact , and love , and was given the minimum calories needed to survive . He experienced a profound emptiness because no one was available to him : physically , psychologically , or mentally . And I believe that even in those first months of life a child understands his own value on some level . If his needs are met by another , he feels valued . If they are not , in a very fundamental way he feels worthless . Andrew had no one available for him in any meaningful way . He became invisible , probably even to himself . Lacking emotionally security , he could not laugh or smile . As he grew , he could not show or feel any affection , because none had been offered to him when he was young . He walled himself off from receiving any positive affection from another ( even though it was probably never offered ) because feeling any affection or warmth would remind him of all the affection he failed to receive . Andrew felt safe feeling angry and hostile because these feelings do not presuppose a sense of security or value . But they do offer a sense of control , of " getting even ; " anger is a safe way of releasing sadness , loneliness , or grief . Because Andrew lacked a mother to give him physical and emotional contact for the first six years of his life , he locked himself into an emotional glass cage . He was safe there . And because he had been there from such an early age and at such a crucial point in his development of trust , his adoptive mother wondered if he could ever be removed . Even the best child psychiatrist in our area wondered the same thing . Andrew became physically violent by the third grade . He hit another boy so hard he broke his leg . By the time Andrew was in sixth grade , his parents were gravely concerned that he might harm his siblings - or even them - while they slept at night . Andrew 's upbringing demonstrates the extreme damage done to a boy when a parent is unavailable . But all around us - in our schools , sports teams , and daycare centers - there are boys who suffer attachment issues and healthy emotional development issues because they have mothers who are physically or emotionally unavailable . Mothers who are drunk are emotionally unavailable to their sons . Mothers who compulsively work or play are unavailable . Mothers who suffer from depression , obsessive compulsive disorder , attention deficit disorder , and excessive stress are physically and emotionally unavailable at times to their sons . In short , many of us are unavailable to our sons at various points during their lives . Every mother must examine her life , take inventory of her energy for work and motherhood , and then ask how she can be present more for her son . This is really hard stuff because all mothers struggle at different times with different issues . But raising great sons demands that we take inventory of our energies because boys need their mother 's time , attention , and affections . There is a good reason why many adult men fail to trust women . They do so because many have never experienced healthy bonding with their mothers . And if a boy grows up with an alcoholic , workaholic , or absent mother , he quickly learns to withdraw from women . But the hurt doesn 't stop with the withdrawal . He pulls away to guard himself from further insult . He subconsciously concludes that she is not available for him because he is not worth her time or affection . And if he is valued this little by his mother , he must be valued less by others who aren 't supposed to love him . Ultimately his affection and respect for himself suffer and he feels quite alone . The investment of physical and emotional energy which a mother gives a son is very serious stuff . When a mother chooses to be away from her son , regardless of the reason , the impact on her son is greater than she realizes . Sometimes mothers can 't help being separated . My purpose in reminding mothers of this is not to incite guilt - I myself am a working mother - but simply to state a fact : to be blessed by sons is to be called to a great responsibility . Every choice we make as mothers has farther reaching effects on our son than we realize . The choices , loves , and beliefs of a boy 's mother craft his character . Mothers are a powerful presence in their sons lives . This knowledge shouldn 't frighten us ; it should motivate us . Boys need more of their mothers in order to be greater men . And any mother who follows her maternal instincts , examines her own motivations , and does the best she can , will be a good mother . Boys don 't need perfection ; they just need you there . Jimmy O ' Donnell was a mean kid . In his short ten years he had successfully and single - handedly terrorized every young boy on his street . The girls in his neighborhood dodged him ; one look at him and each of them knew that Jimmy O . was nothing but trouble . Even Jimmy 's mother feared him . She never admitted it , but it was clear to Jimmy 's teachers , his school principal , and other parents on Jimmy 's street . She avoided him . Like an irresponsible dog owner , she shooed him outside to roam the streets . Seven - year - olds Mike , Bobby , and Evan lived on Jimmy 's street . Whenever Jimmy hopped on his scooter , one of two things occurred : either they would chicken out and run away , or , if they were feeling particularly tough and united that day , the threesome would stand in a yard and withstand Jimmy 's taunting . One day , Jimmy made an enormous mistake . He hopped on his scooter and came to terrorize them . " Mike , Bobby ! " he shouted at the two of them from his scooter . " Hey , get over here , you mother - loving , booger - eating turds ! " The two boys froze . They were not a threesome . Today they were a twosome and each looked at the other anxiously , knowing that they needed to decide very quickly what to do . Should they run ? Should they look up and risk making eye contact with Jimmy ? If they did , their day was doomed . Or so they thought . " Whatcha want Jimmy ? " Mike blurted . Bobby was stunned . Blood drained from his olive face and suddenly he felt nauseated . " What 's the deal , Mike ? Are you crazy or something ? Mike shoved his fists deep into his jean pockets and started at Jimmy . " No , " he said . " You don 't scare me Jimmy O ' Donnell . " Jimmy leapt from his scooter and tossed it on Mike 's freshly mown lawn . Jimmy had a fresh velvety buzz cut and Mike saw snippets of his pink scalp beneath the trimmed stubble . Rumor had it that Jimmy shaved . Some said that he could actually grow a beard at age ten - and this made his steps more daunting as he approached Mike . Mike blurted , " Yeah , Jimmy . I did . " Mike stretched his neck and pushed his bony shoulders back . Without a shirt his scrawny frame looked like it could snap like a chicken bone . Bobby stood beside him with a short - sleeved madras shirt buttoned to the neck . He was still frozen . " I 'm sick of your bullying everybody . Me and Bobby here , we want you to get lost . And now . " With that command , Jimmy darted toward Bobby , chasing him like a rooster chasing a chick . Bobby 's skinny arms flailed as he ran and screamed , Jimmy pursuing him easily . " Knock it off Jimmy , " Mike demanded . " Why don 't ya go chase someone your own age ? Suddenly Jimmy turned towards Mike , spit flying from the sides of his mouth , beads of sweat erupting from his scalp and resting atop his buzz . " I 'm gonna make you eat that . Come over here , you weenie ! " Jimmy shouted at Mike . Mike ran out of his yard and into the McNally 's next door . Jimmy followed . Without a thought , Mike threw himself up into a branch of Mr . McNally 's maple tree and scurried toward the sky . His heart pounded in his palms and now he felt sweat running down his bare back . When he reached the branches that could no longer hold his forty - five - pound frame , Mike stopped . He was ashamed that his heart was racing so fast and that he was panting . Suddenly Bobby jumped into the tree and climbed up to Mike . They sat there like frightened cats , while Jimmy snarled below . Mike looked down and there stood Jimmy , standing guard at the foot of the tree . Little did they know that Mike 's mother looked out through her kitchen window at just this moment . She searched her yard for the boys . When she couldn 't see them , she opened her back door to get a better look . Then she saw Jimmy , standing there in front of the McNally 's big maple tree with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face . She watched for a moment to see what the two would do . She saw Jimmy look up and yell something at the boys then turn and laugh . Enough was enough , she thought . She slammed her back door and marched over to the tree . Her glare fixed on Jimmy O ' Donnell 's face . Mary wasn 't a large woman , but one thing was certain . She was bigger and stronger than Jimmy and she was a mad mother . Jimmy never saw her coming . He was too engrossed in his glee . When she reached him , Mary grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around . " Just who do you think you are , Jimmy O ' Donnell ? You think you can come and bully younger kids whenever you want ? Well , those days are over . You won 't scare my son or his friends anymore . " With that resolved , Mary grabbed his elbows and locked his arms in an " X " behind his back . " Come on down here , you two , " she yelled up to Mike and Bobby . " I 've got a job for you . " The two stunned boys scampered down the tree and saw Jimmy desperately trying to wiggle from Mary 's angry grip . When they landed on the ground , Mary marched all three away from the tree and into her backyard . " Boys , " she started , " Jimmy won 't be bothering you anymore , because if he does he has to deal with me . I 'm going to hold him here for a minute . I want each of you to take a swing at him . " " Come on boys , step up here . Take a swing . Mike , you first , " she insisted . With that , Mike balled his small fingers into a fist and swung his birdlike arm smack into the center of Jimmy 's belly . " One more , a little harder , Mike , then it 's Bobby 's turn . " Again , he readied his aim and smacked Jimmy in the belly . Bobby followed and took two swings , just the same . Jimmy didn 't cry . The punches were so weak and his muscle so strong , but still Mike thought he saw tears tucked in the corner of Jimmy 's eyes . After Bobby swung , Mary released Jimmy . He ran from the three of them back to his scooter . As he ran away , Mary thought she heard him utter , " Just wait , Mrs . Winter . My dad 's gonna come and beat you up . " This incident occurred many years ago and if it happened today , Mrs . Winter would probably have been charged with assault and battery . She wasn 't a violent woman and she knew that two scrawny boys couldn 't hurt any part of Jimmy save his ego . Forty years ago mothers seemed to understand more about young boys . There is a pecking order at work in male groups regardless of a boy 's age . And in the periphery of each group waits another boy watching for opportunities to push his way in and pounce on whomever he can . He doesn 't want to join the order , he wants to crush it and crown himself king . Mary saw this and she responded . With no intention to negotiate she identified a problem and allowed her maternal instincts to drive her actions . Bullies must be confronted and she realized that she was the one to dethrone Jimmy . I 'm certainly not advocating that mothers follow their young boys and make their sons punch the lights out of bullies . But we mothers have become confused by listening to too many experts and over - reading and over - thinking everything about young boys ' behavior . Just follow your instincts , use common sense , and remember that not only should boys be boys , but mothers should be mothers . Papers have been written in journals on bullies . Teachers have lectured and parents have argued with each other over the behavior of their boys . But bullies have remained on their thrones on playgrounds across America , because we refuse to confront very real truths about boyhood behavior and then do something about it . Mothers view sons differently than they do their daughters . They have an instinctual desire to preserve their son 's masculinity and this means preserving the perception that her son is physically and mentally strong . She will never allow him to be at the bottom of the pecking order . Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest AnonymousOct 12 , 2013 , 4 : 47 : 00 AMThank You for writing this ! I 'm a Mother of 6 sons and this information is long over due . ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . .
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After a week from TMBT , I don 't have much confidence in pulling off this one . Finishing yes , but racing at peak ffitness is another matter . I just managed to do 2 short runs , and one cycling course for preparation . Running an ultra drains you for a few days . Weather was predicted to be hot . Odd thing was , in rained buckets the day before . After looking at the winners list last year , I found out a surprise . Not only Danny Feng was a strong cyclist in P2k , he also won 2nd last year . That shows he 's a pretty fast runner as well . Race day . I stood at the front while waiting for the flag off . When the gun started , I quickly went up . I wasn 't that fast . I didn 't think my legs were there . So I tried the faster cadence method instead with lower cardio holding . What was surprising , Chan Jun Sen from UPNM was running alongside me . With the pace we were running , it 's pretty fast . Another guy wearing black from singapore was fast too . At times I was chasing him , and at times I passed him . Somehow when I passed him , he would try to attack . I tried to keep my ego down . This wasn 't the time to push all out . There 's still the cycling leg and another running leg . Eventually I would learned that he was the winner for aged 20 - 29 . The first run was completed in 0 : 40 : 28 . Time for the bike . The first few km was trying to set the speed up to 40kmh . Then somehow , more and more guys bunched up in what I could say was the first non pro leading group . Chan Jun Sen was with us as well , and we 're both wondering why some guys in front were obviously drafting . I did my best not to draft by staying on the sideways or some lengths behind the cyclist in front . When we reached a small bridge , there was a slight slope that caused my bike to dipped and shoke . My water bottle fell off . I just had one . In that moment I slowed down . I was wondering if I should pick it up , or continue . That aero bottle cost 120 per piece , but I decided that I could probably win back some cash to cover it up . If I had stopped , I would have lost the leading edge . Problem was that was my electrolyte drink as well . I didn 't brought any gels , so I thought that would suffice . I resorted to slowing down at water checkpoints to get water , but I ended up with gatorade . Something that doesn 't sit easily with my stomach . On the 2nd loop , we caught up with Shahrom . He stayed until the end . I could see that he was too trying to avoid drafting . There was a marshall beside us that warned some of us who were drafting . But on the 2nd loop , things were harder . We were passing slower guys , and some parts of the lane became smaller . 2nd run . Things were tougher . I had twice of gatorade on the bike and it wasn 't sitting well . Besides , the sun was up . Luckily I got my shades and cap . Without both I would have slowed down considerably . At water stations I was walking and pouring water on my head just to cool off . The heat always slows you down . And doing a fast pace is pretty hard . I finished with a time of 3 : 12 : 37 . Given the circumstances after 100k TMBT , I was pretty ok with the timing . Then I saw Richard Tang stumbled into the tent . He was drenched in sweat and looked like he had a bloody tough race . Then to my surprise I saw Danny Feng came in later . After some hours the race , I was glad to make it 3rd . But such was the toll of the race on my body , that I wasn 't pretty coherent during prize giving . I think the heat and gatarode might be the problem . But finishing with a better time margin than last year 3 : 34 : 24 proves that all the hard work in speed has paid off . I had a better cardio engine now . It 's a matter of tweaking it to any races , given the adequate time to train , to perform at peak . Running back to CP 7 , among the padi plantation . . . I 've done quite a number of ultra runs on the road . But not many on trails . 100K 's are always tough even on road . Put trails in , and it becomes a few times tougher . Put in the elevation and it adds up even more . Race day . I was bumped in with Tony Quay and Mr Chong . We woke up just after 3am . With a hazy mind we packed , then went down for the bus which will take us to Kota Belud . I seated beside Vincent Casanova , whom I had met at SAC ultra run as well . We chatted , and as the morning lights came out , the beauty of Sabah captivates us . The crocker range was clouded in mist , with hills poking up everywhere . Finally we reached our destination . The first thing that struck me was Mount Kinabalu . I have actually forgottten the fact that this mountain is the most obvious towering object on the horizon . The view was just beautiful . After some photo sessions , it 's time for the start . We 're let off the hook , and slowly I started up my pace . Jimmy Tee ran alongside , and we both made up a good pace . From the start , we both agreed on a quick pace . He was doing 50k , but I didn 't mind . There was a caucassion dude was trying to follow us , but soon lost it . I think he was the winner later . The first check point ( CP1 9 . 5km ) was reached without much hassle in 0 : 51 : 39 . I took some water , and then we both shoot off . Then Dino came from behind . I guess he 's into racing mode . All 3 of us just tried our best to keep up with each other . The pace was as quick as possible . Most of the steep inclines , we just ran regardless . Then we reached CP 2 19 . 5km at 1 : 55 : 35 . But somehow after that , I just slowed down . Jimmy was trying to coax me to run faster . But I was wearing the NB minimus which was low profile , and slowed me down at the gravel roads , which was aplenty . Actually most of sabah road trails are made up of gravels , as they are used for 4WDs to go through . And of course , another thing is I didn 't want to push the pace now . 100k is too far a distance to know if you can even survive that . At CP3 27 . 5km , I could still see them from behind , but then I lost them afterwards . Reached CP 3 in 2 : 34 : 49 . The locals put up some music with gongs . I thought that was nice . There was a bridge that I had to crossed to reach ( CP 3a ) 3 : 17 : 01 . The river passing beneath was just beautiful with crystal clear rapids . If I could have more time , I would have gone for a dip . After CP3a , was another hanging bridge . The condition was so bad I thought any moment the planks might break . Then there was a very steep incline uphill . Luckily it wasnt too high . That descended into a river that we have to cross waist deep , but it was a very slow moving and crystal clear as well . It almost begs me to stop for a relaxing dip , but this is a race , and I 've got to move on . After more villages , and crossing a final bridge , then that 's when things become tougher . I 've anticipated from the map , that things will go uphill after CP3a . In fact the previous entire route is pretty flattish . I went uphills , downhills , crossing into single track trails , small streams , and then finally reaching an opening which I thought was CP 4 , but wasn 't . There was some drinks provided though . A caucassion guy who was doing 50km distance passed me at this point . Then I reached a major bridge , which lead uphill for almost a few km ! Had to walk that one , cause it was just mind boggling steep . It started to rain as well , so I took off my poncho and tried it on vainly . Didn 't bother with it later as it stopped . Finally reach CP4 41 . 5km at 4 : 59 : 46 . Overall my ranking was still 2nd . Dino was first , and he had left . The call for muslim prayer had started , so I thought I might as well do the combine prayers at the nearby surau . I think that took me 10 minutes . Soon after I finished , I was surprised to see the Czech guy and Khaliq Samat came in together . Uh oh , time to shoot off again . So I put on a descent pace , and get my legs running up to CP5 . The route was indeed getting exponentially steeper with very long stretches of 30 to 45 degrees inclination . The skies was getting darker as well . I just managed to reached CP5 49 . 8km just before it rained very heavily . Time taken was 6 : 10 : 09 . Considering the terrain , I think the timing was pretty good . There was lunch provided nearby , so I digged in . Dino has already left for the next checkpoint . With another 50km to go , one will have to eat . I remember seeing the czech guy came in and left . Then Khaliq came afterwards as I was just finishing my lunch . Ahmadul , who is quite a seasoned athlete in triathlon and adventure races , came in as well . I think I spent around 20 minutes for lunch . As I was leaving , Ahmadul followed suit . I was determined to create a gap , so I started jogging towards the steep slope up to CP6 . Then it was climbing stair case most of the way , and boy was it long . It took forever to reach the village , and finally CP6 ( 7 : 01 : 48 ) . Then it was going through a rubber plantation , hill rice fields , and reaching a dense forest that we have to loop to get through CP6a . I remember the view here was just spectacular , especially the high padi fields . At first I thought it was the usual " lalang " ( tall grass ) , but on closer observation I could see green grains . I reached CP6a at 8 : 03 : 15 after much slipping on uneven mud and undergrowth . At this point , I just regard the slipping as necessary movement , and tried the best to get fast over it . Met with Puzi and Shine coming in . I told them they have another hour to go . When I finally reached CP7 , I looked at the sheet ; the leader was 40 minutes ahead . Strangely , I heard someone calling my name , asking me to sit down and have food . I didn 't really cared , until I realized it was Dino . He said he was resting ( due to his knee problem ) and the czech guy has left a long time ago . I didn 't want to delay further , so I said I 'll go . He followed , but not for long . So , I just ran downhill all the way up to CP8 ( same as CP 4 ) clocking 9 : 33 : 28 . At the rest point , I took out one sachet of electrolyte , and poured it into the bottle . Took a few sips , and I am off again . It 's back to the major bridge , and then turning left for a long 4km climb ! Saw Tony on his way up to CP4 . He 's doing 50km , so I guess he 's well into target to reach CP5 . At the bridge I hesitated with the direction until a british guy from HK ( doing 100k ) confirmed the route . So we went uphill together . The route wasn 't easy as it took us more than 30min to reached the top . From some chat , he said he had done HK 100 , and it 's more steeper . He was carrying a Salomon bag , which I though was cool looking . Then I felt something unwell , and I puked for the first time . Uh oh , not a good sign . But I kept going on . I have puked on too many occasions , so this time it wasn 't s surprise . I was trying to pinpoint what went wrong and it could be the electrolyte I had drank at CP8 . It was the same brand but different flavouring ( orange ) . By the time I reached CP 9 at 10 : 43 : 43 , I wasn 't in good shape . Dino and Ahmadul had caught up . I signed in at 3rd for 100k , but then I knew my race was over . I couldn 't keep up with the duo , and it was getting darker . Dino mentioned the hills here were tough , and judging by all the past terrain , there 's some truth in it . But the truth was we were running on a ridge , and it wasn 't so bad . The thing that was , I was getting delirious from the purging . I purged 3 times , and ran out of water . It was really walking & running afterwards . I stopped by at a side hut and lay there for 10 minutes , staring at the night sky , pondering how much more to go . With a tired body and mind , I pushed on further until I reached a house . I had ran out of water so I though I could get some . Turns out I was too messed up to even continute . The problem with me , was , if I puked , that 's it . It 's white flag . It has been at TNF sg , & MR25 last year . The house owner , a local Dusun guy invited me to go upstairs . He was very nice to let me sleep on the sofa . His wife cooked a plate of rice and fried an omelette , and made some tea . I said I 'll need to rest for the night , and they were ok with that . I tried calling Aman Avtar ( organiser ) to tell him where I was , but couldn 't reached him . Then I messaged Raymong Ng & Tony saying I was in some house at a village . I did told them I was considering DNF , but Tony said something like it will be wasted since I wasn 't too far from the fiinish . After my head cleared up a little , I recalled the cut off time was 36 hours . That means I still have 7pm the next day to reach . I knew I couldn 't run at this point , so I opted to sleep till 6am the next day . The house owner has a few dogs , and they barked whenever the runners ran past . Aman , himself came by at 12 mignight to check up on me . I was so surprised to see him . I guess he must have got the message from Tony . He thanked the house owner for letting me rest there . Morning came , and after a good rest , I was feeling pretty good again . My gut wasn 't protesting so I ate the rice and omelette , thanked the host , and left . I guess there 's some good thing after all . I could now see more of Sabah 's trails , instead of darkness if I had continued . Some more steep downhills and I reached CP 10 after 23 : 34 : 37 . I have rested more than 10 hours . From here on , it 's running all the way down to the finishing . I passed some guys who were walking the trails . They had it rougher , as they had been up all night . The ending was just beautiful , with a river flowing beside a cliff , and an open field . I was just happy to see the ending . Finally it 's over . Time taken was 25 : 13 : 50 This is an indeed a very well organised race . I have enjoyed most of it , and the view is just worth it . There 's also 2 points to qualify for UTMB ( Ultra Trail Mount Blanc ) , which is the top ultra trail race in France . Another thing which I was satisfied , is that I have managed to read the entire route pretty well . After watching Kilian poured over maps in youtube , I now understand the importance of studying the map , and knowing which are the hard sections , and which are not . It 's the same as Lance Armstrong , who does a rekkie of the current tour 's route . Personally I have finally finished a 100km ultra trail run . This one wasn 't easy . I 've done FRIM runs and the climb just pales in comparison . Total elevation given was 3450m . But I could stomach the hills . I 've set my mind to overcome that . You can give me as many hills as possible , and I 'll climb every single one of them . But I couldn 't overcome my gut . I will still need to figure that out . There was an absence of strong runners in this race . Later I found out the reason was there was quite a huge number of kenyans in the field . I haven 't been running long distance races . And it had been a long time since I raced for 21km , so the question is if I could mantain a sub 4 pace for that long . I did do a fast time in bkt aman run , with a time of 1 : 22 , so perhaps I could last for that long . The race started , and the kenyans went off in a group . I tried chasing them , vainly , for the first 1km . Then Peter and Shaharuddin came passing by . Peter the french guy , commented I was too fast out from the start . Anyway , we ran into the adjoining Federay Highway , and I soon lose the duo . As we ran the u - turn , and back down , I was shocked the see a japanese runner in orange , ran past me with ease . He was kicking in at a higher cadence . I was dumbfounded how easily he could past me . Then an indian runner came by . We ran side by side for almost the entire way up to the u - turn near the subang airport , but I soon lose him . He said he was just training for PBIM . I could see an kenyan lady runner ahead . So that became my carrot . Without knowing if I could really pass her , I just kept on chasing . At one point , she slowed down , and that was when I passed her . At least I could say I passed a kenyan . The run back was a lonely one . I didn 't feel I pushed too hard on the cardio , but just trying to get the pace correct . Came back in 12th position in 1 : 22 : 20 . Was pretty happy with the sub 4 pace . At least I know I could maintain it for that long . The top 9 position was taken by kenyans . Shaharuddin was in 10th place , clocking 1 : 16 . That was an awesome 3 . 5m / km pace . But I had sharp shoulder pain . It was bad enough to the point I couldn 't lift things up . World of Sports was gracious to host Kilian and Gregory . Both of them gave talks & shown videos on the design , and manufacturing process of their products . Makes you want to splurge on their stuff . We started cruising slowly . After awhile I ended up running behind him . I was trying to observe his running gait . I noticed lots of forefoot landing , and he 's always like leaning forward during the run . He wasn 't running fast , but I bet that he 's just taking it easy . We came out of the trails section to take a breather . Then it was back in for the last 2k or so . Suddenly I found myself chasing the Malaysian elites , who were chasing Gregory . We were going like 3 . 5min / km pace up and down the slopes . The final section has us jumping 7 feet downhill . I woudn 't have done that if I were alone . He was wearing the Salomon S - Lab Fellcross , one of the shoe that is in my list , but not out yet here . Met with Jimmy Tee , who I mistaken was a Singaporean . Apparently , I wasn 't far off . He studied most of his life there , hence his accent . He was going to do the TMBT ( The Most Beautiful Thing ) 50 as well . Judging from his 50k time in TNF SG , he 's a pretty fast runner . We ended the session with more photo sessions . It had been a great experience running with the God of trails . If only I could run as fast as him up mountains . At the finishing . Perhentian Island Challenge is one of those race that has intrigued me for eons . It seems like you not only do running , but swimming , kayaking and some obstacles . But then that was years back . Since it was taken by a new management , the format has been slightly less complicated , but tough nevertheless . The problem with this race is you 've got to put on or carry the life jacket plus your gears during the swim . How you do that is up to you . Prior to the race , I was trying to figure out the best way to minimize drag . I tried swimming in a life jacket and it was really slow . Andrew Loh gave an idea of getting a trash bag , then putting in everything including the life jacket , then tie it to your waist during the swim . He got that idea from a participant who did the same last year . Race day . The elites have to be ferried to the small island for the opening ceremony . Then back to the big island for the start . Kind of unnecessary I think . When the race started , the strong guys rushed to the front . I was just trying to get into a good pace . I didn 't know the route well , and don 't want to push too hard . We started at 10 : 15am , and it was already hot . We ran some sandy beaches section before heading into the woods . Then things got harder . The elevation went up and down steeply , but it was something I could handle . After the worst of Tioman Eco Challenge , I could stomach this . But still I was too cautious on the footing on downhill slopes . I didn 't want to risk it . One mistake and you could easily get injured . I caught up with Razani , who was wearing the S - Lab4 . We ran some sections together before getting out onto the final stretches back to the start , where we had to embark on the swim . It took me 1 : 06 to finish the loop . I had put the trash bag in my back pack . I took it out , then proceeded to dump everything into it including the life jacket . Then made a knot with a string . Unfortunately I forgot to dump in the race vest and my cap . While doing all this , Cheah Mei Mei was beside observing . I didn 't realized until she offered to keep my cap . So it 's off to swim ! A few strokes and it wasn 't easy to adjust to the awkwardness . Found it kind of hard to kick because i could tangle my legs with the string . In the end I resorted to hand pedalling more than kicking . Also I realized that the current was pushing me northwards , so I adjusted my bearings . The swim took 40 minutes , and boy I was glad to land . I tore open the bag , then wore back the shoes & hydration bag . Cheah Mei Mei was there to returned my cap . I was really thankful for that cause I wouldn 't survive without it on the next run . The smaller island route was pretty easy on certain sections . But the open hot sandy beaches were torturous . Reminded me NOT to do desert runs like MDS . I met 2 guys without enough water , so I gave them mine . Certain parts really had me down . I think it was due to the heat & humidity . When in the jungle , it can get pretty stuffy & humid . I was reduced to walking certain stretches . The last stretch at the staircase gave us a beautiful view . We have to go to the bottom to get to the checkpoint , then up again to descend to the finishing . Sweetest thing about this part is I managed to pass 3 navy guys on the way up . Then ran down as fast as possible to finish in 8th with the time of 4 : 22 . But I was truly knocked out from the heat , trails and swim . Sitting there at the finishing , and looking back at the other island really made me wonder that I survived this . Great thing about this race is you get to camp with the participants . Be ready to stay in tents for 2 nights . But it was fun meeting so many new friends , and not to mention swimming among the reefs nearby . I would come back again for this . Posted by Lots of thoughts in my head . . . 2nd major ascentI didn 't realise I was pulling so many . . . Mark Cheong going for the attack , and I gave chase . Gear was stuck at 5th from bottom at RD . Finished in 5th . With only one gear , nothing much I could do . Damn proud of this bikeCable snapped at the front shifter . Gear stuck at 5thTo my dad . With only 2 rides up to hulu langat the same week , I wasn 't really hoping much from this ride . I did , however , went to Edwin 's shop to get racing tubulars , which cost quite a lot . But it was necessary , as the only pair of racing wheels light enough , was my Mavic Kysirium , and that was tubular . Mich 's aunt was gracious to host us at her place in Ipoh . Race day . Morning came , and the rain was still pouring outside . I thought it would be cold , so I brought the 2XU compression top . Loaded the bike in the car , and we went off to the starting point . When I unloaded the bike off the boot , I was horrified to find out the gear cable to the rear derailleur had snapped . Raymond Ng and I was trying to figure out how to connect the braided steel wires , but we coudn 't figure that out . Time was only 20 minutes to the start . So he suggested I go find Kenny to see if he could fix it . I quickly pumped up the tires , then cycled to the arch . Stopped to ask a guy at the van nearby if he knows anyone who could fix that . Answer was negative . Found Kenny , and he suggested that the high gear screw be adjusted to move the chain up . With a screwdriver , I managed to set it higher . Adzim helped took off the broken wiring . At that point , I didn 't even know if I could ride this . If it 's flats , it might be ok , but we are riding up to almost 1500 meters , with some steep climbs . I actually had thought this ride is gone . I stood there , waiting for the marshalls , to let us go , and thinking if the ride was even possible . Safety issue came to mind firstly . It 's just a ride , and there 's no point continuing if there ' sprobable risk I could harm myself & others . As I stood there listening to the fireman , reading the prayer for our safety , I pPosted by My sis & I went for this run . We arrived early by 30 minutes . By then , they have opened the gantry for runners to go in . So we quickly went to fill the front slots . If you were to gun for position , being in front will be advantageous . From the start , Peter , with this tall built was sprinting out . I passed the usual suspects early in the beginning . Then I noticed Mark Williams , with shoulders hunched ran past me . He really look like hammering it . I just stuck to my own pace . All of a sudden , a kenyan ran past at such high speed , relatively , I thought he was sprinting and I was just walking . But the reality was , I was putting my maximum speed allowed . That was an eye opener . Around half way point , my shoelace came off , and I spent a few secs tying them up . It proved futile as it came off anyway . Good thing was I tied a first dead knot , so that wouldn 't be a problem . I was trailing this indian veteran . Try as much as I can , I was never able to beat him , even to the end . His running style seem so effortless , but yet was able to keep me at bay . I ended up at 10th position . The top 4 were kenyans , and Ahmad Lamchannak , a Moroccan , who works here , was in 9th . My sister however missed the prize at 23th . The weather was hazy , and I didn 't really enjoyed the run . Somehow the gloomy skies , signifies an uneasiness that I would only found out later that night . Michelle , my sis , and my youngest brother . This run , wasn 't ran in the best of mind . I had been working since yesterday on some technical issues with some lack of sleep , and that was right after BJCC ride to Bentong 110km in race mode . Now just a bit on the cycling ride . Leonard Lim is one tough nut to crack . It was either me chasing him , or he was hanging on my back . And all the way up Genting Sempah . And we aren 't riding in leisure mode . On the way back up to Sempah , it 's the same scenario . Regardless of uneven tarmac , heat , wind , it was race mode . So , I found myself on the starting line , quite not in the mind to race . My sister is joining as well in the B category . They let us off at first for the A , B , C category . As usual , hordes of sprinters in the first few hundred meters . Noticeably I saw a malay chap ( Syahidan ) in yellow Adidas jersey at the front . Then 2 indian guys went off with him . An african dude was hanging with them , but he soon dropped off . The route wasn 't flat all the way . There 's some hilly sections as well . I was just trying to stave off the back guys . It was quite a fast pace . I only started to ' wake ' up after like 5km . Then at the last 3km , the winner of C ( junior vet ) , passed me as we entered the college . I tried chasing him , but never did pass him until the end . Time at the finish was 38 : 05 in 4th position . Kind of happy , given the circumstances . My sis got 9th , which is not bad . She hardly sweat , so I told her to run faster next time . Chasing Jasni . . . The last downhill section . . . Sprinting for the finish . . . I think they gave us too much stuff . . . This would be the first race after ramadhan . I had been doing training during fasting , but just for maintenance , rather than pushing the body . Training after break of fast , is very tough , so I opted in the morning instead . Hydration is a problem , so I figured out if I over hydrate , I could go through the rest of the day . As for this race , I didn 't thought it would be rather technical . So I didn 't opt for trail shoes . Instead I used my usual NB racer . At the starting line , I looked down at my chest , and my heart was beating too hard . Maybe a little nervous . The gun went off , and Jasni raced to the front . I followed suit . He wasn 't going too fast at the beginning , but once out of the stadium into the main road , he attacked . I tried to follow . The first obstacle was the puddle of mud water . I didn 't want to go in , but Jasni just zoomed it through . Oh well then . . . Certain sections were puddled from yesterday 's rain , and slippery . At times I find that I had to balance before proceeding for the next step . Jasni was slowly slipping away , and then came Don Khor . We ran side by side for most of the trails . Then at one section of hills , he raced uphill , left me , but then turned right . He followed a person ( actually a lady going in the wrong direction ) . At that point I had doubts , so I slowed down , looked back & forth . When he did finally made a u - turn , I turned back , yelled at the ladies runners to turn . I could hear Don spewing expletives at the marshall . But there was not a time to waste . I readjusted my mind instead on figuring out if some damage had been done . Actually there was . Dino was ahead by 10 meters , so I quickly chased him down . We went downhill at an atrocious speed . But he was breathing heavily , and I figured out I still have the final card . Once the tarmac section came , I knew I could outrun him . Finished in 44m24sec for 10km in 2nd placing . I think the getting lost part cost 1 minute . - - - It was a good race oPosted by Now , I have no idea about this run , until a friend told me . I guess with the fasting month nearing , I thought this could be the last event ( PD tri is supposed to be the last . . ) . The pre - race atmosphere was happening with many booths & runners all around waiting for the start . " Skins " was there as well . Thought of getting one but then I couldn 't find any need for it . Before the start , the full 12 . 3km runners had to bundle up before the line . The MCs was trying their best to raise the atmosphere to party level , but I guess the runners aren 't that interested . I stood a few meters ahead of the start line , waiting . Since PD , I haven 't had any runs , except hills . And that morning , I cycled the usual Hulu Langat in high intensity going uphills . I have no idea how would I fare in this race . The gun went off , and hordes of runners were let loose . I waited for a few moments before joining the crowd . For the first few km , I was moving up . Saw the elites as usual bunched up in front . Then I saw Don Khor slightly behind . Now Don 's a really fast runner . Despite his age of 50 + , most of us had problem keeping up with him in races , myself included . He 'll start a bit slow , but would be able to maintain a negative split at the end . I haven 't been able to beat him . So , my objective then , was to keep as close as possible . I trailed him for some time , but found myself comfortable going faster , so I went off . But I know he won 't be far behind . I set my guns on the guys in front . One thing about running racing at the top group is , everyone is bloody fast . So you can 't go all out . That would be suicidal . I kept a constant but high intensity pace without killing myself , yet . The only guy I caught up with was Casey , and that was because he walked abit . Then he ran again , and we ran together . I looked back and sure enough Don was there with 2 other guys not far . I decided to slow down to join them . We ran together until Casey and the 2 other guys shoot off . But I decided to just run with Don . So we ran almost together until the last 3km heading baPosted by Port Dickson triathlon is one of those events that you must do . It 's near to KL , and most importantly , hordes of athletes will be there . As much for preparation , it 's really not that much that I had hoped for . For swimming , I think I 've gained ground . Problem was , I don 't wear a watch in the water these days , so I have no idea how fast I was going . Reassuringly , I could pace with the regulars in the pool . Bike , I 've done a lot of distance , but for tri position , it would just be enough . Running , I don 't have much doubt . I could still put on the speed if needed . Another different approach to training these days , is to put more emphasis on cardio intensity . I think it does pays off . I 've been doing times that I thought was impossible years back . I did a test run at bkt aman , and did the whole thing in record time 1 : 21 . The prior best time was 1 : 33 . - - - Race Day : Swim : We had to run like 50 meters into the water as it 's knee deep , before we can swim . I did push but tried to stay within a comfortable range . As long as I could feel I am moving fast enough that 's ok . On the way back , I had to stand up , wade through the water , then only start running back to transition . I heard Shahrom & Hafiz Wong names being mentioned by the MC . I couldn 't be too far off then . Now , problem was I was sitting on the floor trying to get socks on . Yes , I am still not comfortable with no socks . So that took some seconds . Hooped onto the bike and it was time to test the new Transition bike . The early parts of the bike , I was passing everyone . I was trying to see who could make a good drafting team . The odd feeling was , where is everyone ? After turning right from the traffics after 5km , it 's another 15km to the u - turn . I did work with one guy in blue , for some time , but then he dropped off after some time . After the u - turn , I did managed to catch another dude in powerbar bib 1101 . He was pretty strong , so both of us took turns to race back to the finishing . Noticed big packs of peloton was coming in the other direction . Now the bike was pretty fast . IPosted by Cameron is very far . . . Route up FraserThe bike looks pretty here . . . Descending from Fraser PeakIt 's pretty dangerous . . . route towards GapLata Iskandar . . . Brinchang ! The bike has to rest too . . . It 's time to go home . . Route from Ringlet downwards . . . pretty scenic . . . " What 's the most resilient parasite ? An idea . A single idea from the human mind can build cities . An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules . Which is why I have to steal it . " . . . InceptionThe idea was to climb all 3 peaks Genting , Fraser & Cameron Highlands in one day . But due to the restricted access up Genting , I had to be happy with just climbing up Gohtong . Still , the idea is too big to fit into the daylights of a single day . No matter how you put it , you 'll have to ride parts of it , either early in the morning or after the sun sets . Part of the earlier problem was there 's only odd hours traffic up Fraser Peak , and even hours coming down . That adds to the time needed to finish the whole thing . Then , as I found out last week , the other route down from Fraser peak has reopened , and thus one is able to go up anytime . In my earlier calculations , one would need to start at 4am from KL . Since the Genting peak is a pass , and Fraser situation has ease , I thought starting just around near 6am from home , with some night climbs up Cameron , would be doable . - - - I started at 5 : 53am , sped along MRR2 highway heading nortwards into gombak , reached HOA just shy of one hour , then started the climb up Sempah as the morning rays lighted up the sky . Then it was up Gohtong , rest & eat , and then it was going downhill towards Batang Kali , KKB . At KKB , I refilled the front bottle , as I knew this would be at least 1hr 45 minutes up to Gap . It 's a good 30km climb , which is kinda monotonous , though scenic . Stopped by for nasi lemak and drinks at Gap . A bunch of MTBers were also there . There was something strange about their group name . It 's called " Strange " MTBers from Rawang , if I can recall correctly . I didn 't stopped long . Then I proceeded to do the final 8km climb up FrasePosted by Our team : 1 ) Jason Loh2 ) Ronnie See3 ) Steven Yip4 ) Michele tan5 ) ChenAs you see , we aren 't the fastest group . I had a great time chasing Wong Kei Ming as he slowed down after half way point . That brought us to 3rd position . Then Michele Tan ( very fast girl ) put us at 2nd , but in the end we ended 3rd overall . Not bad , considering we 're eyeing top 5 position . Now , oddly , I missed the prize giving ceremony , so basically no pictures . Posted by Sexiest seat ever . . . For the past few months I 've been scouting for a new TT bike . I had been riding the Argon 18 Mercury for the past 3 years , and the front bar is having some corrosion . So I guess it 's time to break the bank for a new bike , or the frame will accidentally break ? ( Actually very unlikely , but that 's just some excuse ) . I finally settled for the Specialized Transition . Now , it 's actually not the most aero bike , but it looks gorgeous with aerofoil design in almost every part of the geometry . I bought the standard complete package , and then replaced the seat with the sexiest one I could find , red tape for the default white tap , and added an aero bottlecage . Daniel helped with some tips on the bike fitting , did the final assembly , and the result was promising . I 've done 2 rides . The first was in Putrajaya , and the second using the usual hulu langat route . I noticed climbing is a bit sluggish , but perhaps that 's because the back wheels is placed too near to the frame . It has ajustable back wheel position , which is great as sometimes you might have larger tyres . But on the flats & downhill , it 's totally a different riding experience . On the flats , with the trispokes , cruising at 40kmh was made easier . It goes downhill so silent as if you 're in stealth mode . And handling is pretty stable , so assured , that there 's total confidence in cornering . But , the bike is not everything , and one still has to train . Only thing if I ride too slow , then style would be a consolation .
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Greek tycoon Nikolaos Costas has a debt to collect fro the Stefanopoulos family and he won 't leave until he gets his money . Stefanie Stefanopoulos has been tasked with entertaining - i . e . distracting - him while he 's in town , all in hopes of getting him to forgive the debt . She may not be an ugly duckling , but she 's a far cry from her petite stepsisters and she knows that the gorgeous playboy won 't even notice her . It doesn 't stop her from wanting him to , though . Four months ago , Nick 's bachelor - style life was turned upside down . Now the sole parent to a seven - year - old daughter he never knew existed , Nick doesn 't have time for pleasure . But he hadn 't factored in Stefanie or the intense attraction he 'd feel for her . As her seduction heats up , so do the stakes , both professionally and romantically . Can he let business go long enough to allow Stefanie into his heart ? Cornering Stefanie alone in the kitchen , Nick reached for the platters she 'd collected . " Stop , " he said , reaching for them . " It is a holiday , is it not ? " Setting the plates on the counter , he shook his head . " No , today you are a generous friend who has made beautiful food to be enjoyed by , it seems , everyone but herself . " A dark brow lifted . " Have you even tasted this baklava ? " He gestured to the tray set out on the counter . Stefanie hesitated . It wasn 't as though she needed the extra calories , though she could hardly say so to him . " No I haven 't , but I make it all the time . " Stefanie hesitated . She spent so much time tasting dishes in her kitchen as she was preparing them that she was rarely hungry - and just as rarely full . Sitting down to an actual meal , or even a snack , was a rarity . " I don 't know . A while , I guess . " Nick reached around her to the counter , his pectoral brushing her breast , whether deliberately or accidentally Stefanie couldn 't say for certain . What she could say for certain was that it felt good - really good . Good enough to want more . Smiling back , he brought the dessert to her lips . " I am making the food gods very angry , I am sure , but I will risk it if you will . Open . " The last time someone had fed her she 'd probably been all of five . Stefanie hesitated and then opened . Gooey , honeyed heaven sweetened the inside of her mouth . A syrupy thumb slid across her bottom lip , raising a bevy of tingles . " It is good , yes ? " His eyes locked on hers and suddenly she wasn 't at all sure he referred to the pastry . Nick stepped back , eyes dark and dancing . " Yes , Stefanie , it is . Now come upstairs and join the party . Your friends are missing you . I am missing you . " " No buts . " He held out his hand , the same hand he 'd used to feed her . " There is a time for staying behind - the - scenes , for hiding out in the kitchen , and this is not it . " Award - winning author , Hope Tarr earned a Master 's Degree in Psychology and a Ph . D . in Education before coming to grips with the tough truth : she wasn 't especially interested in analyzing people or teaching them . What she wanted was to write about them ! Today Hope is the author of more than twenty historical and contemporary romance novels for multiple publishers including THE CINDERELLA SEDUCTION , the finale to her Suddenly Cinderella Series for Entangled Publishing . Hope is also a co - founder and current curator of Lady Jane 's Salon ® , New York City 's first - and still only - monthly romance reading series now with satellites in eight U . S . states . The Romance Writers of America 's New York City chapter recently honored Hope as their 2013 Author of the Year . She lives in Manhattan with her real life romance hero and their feline family members . When not writing , she enjoys running , hiking , martial arts - and browsing restaurant menus . As a romance writer there are things I try to keep real and things I gloss over with the biggest pencil I can find . The gut - wrenching emotional reaction when my heroine is reunited with her family after being turned to human again - perfect . My heroine wrenching her gut and thighs into a pair of Spanx - gloss over . The overwhelming sexual attraction my characters have for each other - the more real the better . The after effects said sexual attraction running down my heroine 's legs - I don 't think so . There are situations that make you think , Wow , and there are situations that make you think , Ewww . I try to focus on the wow factor . As a reader I want descriptions about a hero 's strong thighs and muscular chest . I don 't want to know that he has a hairy butt - crack or that he scratches his goodies when he 's watching television . I want to be enthralled when a hero and heroine are making love and exploring each other . I don 't want to see his ejaculation described in teaspoons , ounces , cups , quarts , and need I venture into the ridiculous ? Unless my hero is an Elephantorian , from the really big planet of Elephanta , I will never describe any bodily fluid in gallons . If my hero peels back the lacy black thong , which in our world would slice any real woman in two , I want to read about glistening curls or his burgeoning erection . I don 't want to read about how your heroine is freaking out inside , cursing herself for not taking the mower to her nether region , or how she should have given that thing a good scrub with the washcloth the last time she was in the bathroom . Real is good as long as it 's not too real . I like a clear defined reaction to a situation from my characters . If my heroine is attacked I want her to kick the villain in snarklies kill him . " What I don 't want is for my characters to act like I would . It 's not uncommon for me to rehash a situation in my mind for hours , even days . I can 't tell you how many hours I 've wasted constructing I should have scenes I 'll never voice . As a reader Blurb ~ For two years , Siban had been tortured in the Bane prison , only to fall in love with the beautiful demon who helped him escape . Tormented by the thought of never seeing her again , he maintains a life of solitude . So , when Rell 's human body is rescued from the Shadow World , he will do anything to be with her - even if it means challenging death to become a Bringer , too . But once their Bringer transformations and training are completed , Siban and Rell must join a mission to go deep in the Shadow World to rescue others trapped by the Demon Bane King . And what they discover destroys everything they knew about the Demon Bane . The lovers must learn to trust themselves , each other , and their new powers if they 're going to make it out alive . Siban lifted his chin toward the gray sky and inhaled . Crisp air filled his lungs , clearing his head . The time had come for him to take his place among his people , the Bringers . Past time , actually . They needed him in the fight against the Demon Bane - a fight the Bringers seemed to be losing . He exhaled and walked to the closest outbuilding . His hand hovered on the cold metal of the door handle , his determination wavering . Could he go through with the ceremony that would finally bring him to full power as a Bringer ? Perhaps if he hadn 't seen Luc 's conversion firsthand , hadn 't watched the blade drive into his friend 's chest , and hadn 't felt the life draining from Luc , he wouldn 't feel so anxious now . But there was no turning back . Hopefully he 'd be able to control the power that came with being a Bringer Tell . Endowed with the Knowing , he would sense things more strongly . Would know truth from a lie . Saints willing , the darkness that still tainted his soul from his years of imprisonment in the Demon Bane 's Shadow World wouldn 't grow stronger as well . Chilly wind whipped his hair , bringing with it the smell of fall and the hint of snow . The sky echoed his mood . For a 4 year he 'd been dealing with the dark memories of being held captive the only way he knew how - alone . But now he 'd found Rell again and she needed him to be strong . He 'd been the one to change her mind about being put to death by one of the immortal daggers of the Bringers . As the only weapons that could vanquish a Demon Bane , it was the only way to kill her , but Siban wouldn 't let that happen . For too long he 'd grieved the loss of her . Nothing would stop him from helping her survive the healing that would transform her from a Demon Bane back into her human form - and into a Bringer . He yanked on the door but the wind beat it closed again , as if sensing his apprehension . He pulled again , this time opening it and slipping inside . A cloud of warmth and the smell of lavender and sage enveloped him . All eyes turned toward Siban , the Bringers ' conversation halting . He closed the door behind him and exhaled softly , stilling his urge to turn around and walk back out . Dozens of candles lined the wall and burned on every available surface , lending a calming , golden glow to the room . But the ambiance did very little to reassure him about the impending pain he was about to experience . For years Rhys had thought he was the only full - blooded Bringer left after his parent 's had been assassinated by Vile . He 'd roamed Inness , protecting humans against the Bane and building a small army of mixed - blooded Bringers , those whose bloodlines had been diluted by humans . Thankfully , Rhys had recognized Siban for what he was and had taken him in , even though he was tainted by the Bane 's evil darkness . Since then Siban 's loyalty had never wavered . He gripped Rhys 's forearm in a show of solidarity . " And miss all the fun ? " " It feels a bit like that , yeah . " Siban scanned the room . Most of the faces he recognized , but there were a few new Bringers he hadn 't been introduced to yet . That could wait until he was through the transformation . Siban nodded and exhaled . " All right then , let 's get this over with . " A smaller table had been erected about four feet from where he was to lay . A white sheet covered it . Siban stopped and stared at the form pressed against the cloth . The outline was of a woman - Rell 's human form lying in perfect repose . " Thank you . " He glanced at her . Ravyn watched him with understanding . She 'd already gone through the transformation to become a Bringer and understood the risk . He looked back at the body on the table , refraining from voicing the fact that the person on the table was a stranger to him . His Rell was a Demon Bane with smooth green skin , leathery wings , and small delicate horns . He released a heavy breath , pushing aside the dark thought that he might not be able to accept her as a human . It had been the demon who risked so much to help him escape the Shadow World . Would the human female be 6 Boone Brux different from the demon he 'd fallen in love with ? " I 'm ready . " Siban slipped his tunic off and handed it to Ravyn . Shivers from the chilled air ghosted across his skin . When Gregory lifted the dagger , Siban 's heart began to pound . I can do this . Ravyn spread a linen blanket over the wooden slab and placed a small pillow at the head . " Lie down , please . " She patted the table . " I promise we 'll take good care of you . " Without replying , he slid onto the table and rested his head against the stiff pillow . The blanket did little to cushion the hard wood pressing against his back , though he doubted he would have been able to relax . Unsure where to place his hands , he interlocked his fingers and rested them against his bare abdomen . He shifted his shoulders , trying to find a more comfortable position and ignoring the awkwardness of being everybody 's focus . Cloves , lavender , and a piney scent rose up around the edge of the table . Siban swallowed and stared at the ceiling . He mentally counted the dark beams above , forcing himself not to watch the Bringers working around him . Another shudder rippled through his body . Three months ago , allowing somebody to cut or stab him would have been unthinkable . The nightmares from his time among the demons still haunted him . He pushed away the dark thoughts , unwilling to give them power over him . After having been tortured with everything from talons to shards of rusty metal while in Vile 's prison , Siban 's consent to be brought to full power was a testament to his devotion to Rell . A low , healing chant kindled to Siban 's left . The song flowing around him was one of the most beautiful Siban had ever heard . Clear and pitched surprisingly low , the notes resonated along his body and sent tingles skittering along his skin . Another voice joined the melody , deeper in tone . The light in the room shifted , altering Siban 's sight . Ribbons of blue and white drifted from the Bringers , encircling them like lace , binding each together . The lyrical composition surrounded him and burrowed under his skin , winding its way to what felt like his soul . Ravyn and Rell 's sister , Jade , joined the circle and each placed their hands on one of his shoulders . When Rhys and Ravyn had brought their friend Luc Le Daun to full power , Siban had held his legs down in a similar manner . Luc had fought them , almost escaping their hold . Siban wondered how Ravyn and Jade expected to keep him restrained if his control broke . The two women joined the chant and instantly warmth flowed into his body . Streams of light spiraled from their hands and entered his shoulders at the point where they touched . Tension eased from his muscles , the mantra lulling him into a relaxed state . Even when Gregory approached , fear did not grip Siban . " In death there is life , " Gregory said , circling the blade in front of him in a looping pattern . " In sacrifice , return . " Heat traveled down Siban 's torso and his eyes remained steady on the king . " All barriers destroyed and evil be spurned . " Gregory lowered the knife and laid the blade against Siban 's chest , directly over his heart . Despite the relaxing chant , he couldn 't help but tense when the cold metal touched his skin . " No hindrance remain , from our blood be renewed . " Gregory dragged the edge downward , lacerating Siban with a shallow slice . In an effort not to cry out , he bit down on his lower lip . The metallic taste of blood coated his tongue . " That which was taken , settle in those who Bring true . " Fire danced along the cut and Siban braced himself , waiting for Gregory to plunge the dagger in his heart as they had done with Luc . Instead of stabbing him , Gregory set the knife between two piles of herbs on the wooden platform and placed his hands next to Ravyn 's . Again the king spoke , but they were words Siban did not understand . The heat burning along the slice spread across his chest , eating up every inch of Siban 's body . Searing pain ignited his organs as if incinerating him from the inside out . He gasped for breath , but couldn 't inhale as wave after wave of pain gripped him . The chant around him grew louder and more hands pressed against his legs and arms . His muscles convulsed . It was as if his very soul was being pulled from his body through his chest . He choked against the tightening at his throat . His mouth opened in an effort to suck in air , but none could pass . The words grew louder and above the unified chant he heard Ravyn 's voice . Separate from the other Redeemers , she spoke the Bringer 's ancient language . Her words demanded and coaxed the darkness from inside him . His vision blurred and his head pounded as the need for air became desperate . From Siban 's throat rose a white vapor . It hovered a foot above his mouth and then descended to cover his face . The sensation of being branded scorched the skin under his lower lip . After a few seconds , the white vapor evaporated completely . Siban gasped , drinking in the cool , perfumed air , and collapsed against the table . All traces of pain and the ribbons of healing light disappeared . The blood pounded in his ears , and his heart raced . He waited , expecting another wave of agony , but none came . Siban struggled to sit up , spreading the herbs along the edge of the table and knocking some of them to the ground . He looked at his chest . A thin red line stretched from his sternum to his left side , but there was no blood . " What was that white smoke ? I felt like I was choking . " " Think of it as a net that encased your powers . Due to generations of Bringers breeding with humans , the Bringer 10 Boone Brux essence within us becomes bound . The ceremony severs that bond . " He pointed to Siban 's cut . " It will be healed by morning and the only evidence of the ceremony will be your Tell mark . " Gregory placed a hand on Siban 's shoulder . " How do you feel ? " How did he feel ? It was difficult to put into words . New vitality hummed through his body , as if a million tiny sparks had snapped against his skin , leaving their tingling reminder . Even his head felt clear , unfettered from the nightmares and dark thoughts that had been his constant companion since his imprisonment in the Shadow World . " Better . " " I 'll give her whatever strength I have . " He scooted from the table . His legs quivered , and he grabbed the edge of the wood in an effort not to stumble . Gregory reached for him , but Siban waved him away and straightened . " I 'm all right . " " Then come to the house and eat . " Willa , Rell 's mother , stepped from the shadows . Her white - blond hair glimmered in the candlelight and her eyes sparkled with determination . " We 're all going to need to fortify ourselves if we plan on saving my daughter . " Though he wasn 't the least bit hungry , under no circumstance would Siban contradict Willa once she 'd made a command . The woman was fire and ice mixed into a tiny , unassuming package . He was fairly certain Willa would have gone into the bowels of the Shadow World herself to bring back her daughter 's body if Luc and Jade hadn 't beaten her to it . Such fierce loyalty was a trait he understood and respected . He nodded . Boone Brux 's writing drips with experiences from real life . Addicted to anything that might make a good story , she weaves tales ranging from dark fantasy to humorous romance . Settled in the icy regions of Alaska with the love of her life and twin daughters , it 's not uncommon to find her tapping away on her iPad on a windy beach or the barren tundra . Be warned , everyone is fodder for one of Boone 's novels . Today I 'm welcoming back author Amy Lee Burgess and she 's sharing a top ten list with us ! ( I love top ten lists ! ) Take it away , Amy ! Today I have My Favorite Things from the Sound of Music running through my head . ( Thanks , Carrie Underwood ! ) So I decided to share with you ten of my favorite things about my novel , Blood Gift . 1 . ) Claire , my heroine . She was so hard to write . Not at first when I let her angst and misery out in the form of a snarky mouth and jaded attitude . But then my beta readers came back to say , Wow , she 's … unlikeable . Which - no ! Who wants to read 200 pages of a vampire romance where the lead character grates on your nerves ? Not me ! So it was back to the drawing board . Gone was most of her snark . And her angst . And her misery . Yet she has this horrific back story and I wanted her past to poison her future so when she overcame it , bells would ring , angels would get their wings and happiness would abound . Or something like that . But I didn 't want her to be too spritely and optimistic or she 'd be a different person who didn 't need to overcome her past because she 'd already be over it . So , writing Claire was a journey and sometimes I think I am the one who discovered myself , not her . 2 . ) The setting . London . In the autumn and winter . Cold rain , Knightsbridge all gray and gloomy . The lights of the city reflected in the inky blackness of the Thames at night . Ever since I started reading British murder mysteries when I was young teen , I 've been in love with London . I 've been writing vampire novels since the mid - nineties ( Blood Gift is the only one I 've managed to publish ) and they all take place in London . Something about London screams vampire to me . The way Claire sees the city at night matters to her . Beauty anchors her and what she sees is as visually stimulating as the blood she consumes . 3 . ) Andre , my hero . He has one of those smiles that can turn your knees to rubber and change your whole life . He 's complicated , but he doesn 't seem like it at first . He intrigues Claire from the first night she meets him , but he 's her master 's archrival and she 's been forbidden to get to know him . He 's determine5 . ) Vampires in general . I love them . I loved them before they were as popular and prolific as they are today . My take on the vampire is more on the sexy side than monstrous . Sure , they have their flaws and left unchecked considering their immortality , they can become horrible beings . But the potential for good and beautiful is just as strong - and ultimately harder to achieve . I 'm an introspective person by nature and I 've made my vampires the same way . Most of them anyway . Imagine the depths you could discover about yourself if you never aged and never died ? If you had the strength of will to continue on when everything around you changes . One of the reasons I made my vampires live in a Circle is to provide continuity in an otherwise rapidly shifting world . Of course , being trapped with some people for eternity could be more torture than comforting , I suppose . 6 . ) Mind reading and influencing . Claire has special powers the other vampires in the Circle don 't . She can read minds - both mortal and immortal . She can also influence people to do her will . Since Claire is not very sure of herself and her self - esteem is generally in the toilet , she doesn 't do well with this particular power . Immortals prove too difficult to be reliable and what she does with mortals ? Well , she helps the ones that remind her of herself and her past . She was abused by both her mother and her boyfriend , so she spends her nights finding abused women and helping them out of their awful situations . She influences them to get out , to leave , and to never look back . If she can find the abuser , she influences him to change - to become a better person , one who doesn 't use his fists . I like that Claire doesn 't walk around and make people do silly things or bad things . She tries so very hard to find a good use for her power . 7 . ) The Circle mark , Gebo . Gebo is a Nordic rune which means " the gift " . It 's a powerful rune working with the concept of exchange . Every gift is , in essence , an exchange . More than just a present wrapped in pretty paper , it can be an ideal . An emotion . Trust . Giving in . Letting go . Accepting what is offered . Every vampire in the London Circle bears a small black X on their backs which tie them together . Four times a year they must meet with their Circle Master , Oliver , and exchange blood . Some of them hate each other , but they still must exchange or they will lose their grip upon the world and themselves . How they deal with the concept of the gift and the exchange is an integral theme in this novel . ( And you thought it was a romance ! Okay , it is but there 's more ! ) 8 . ) Parker . He 's Claire 's sexy as hell master . In vampire Circles , there are masters and apprentices . This does not equal slavery . Again , working with the concept of Gebo and exchange , masters guide apprentices through the first thirty or so years after Turning . Sometimes they fall in love , sometimes they despise each other . Parker and Claire have an interesting relationship . Parker doesn 't believe in fairy tales . No such thing as true love . It 's all manipulation . Or is it ? Parker gets all the best lines in Blood Gift . He 's that sexy guy you love to hate and secretly root for . ( And I have a feeling he 'll show up in the next book in the series . ) 9 . ) Andre 's flat in Knightsbridge . I based the home he and Claire share on an actual flat I found online . All the rooms - especially the bathrooms - are described exactly as I saw them . I 'm a sucker for spa tubs and rain showers . Vampires don 't age , so Oliver , the Circle Master , has become a pro at real estate . Buying , selling , and flipping . So his vampires aren 't really allowed to feel any sort of permanence in their homes . Yet some of them grow very attached to their flats and their houses . The concept of finding Home is key in the novel and the scene where Claire and Andre decorate a bedroom for her has special fondness for me . He 's trying to give her a home . Will she make one with him ? 10 . ) Music . Although music doesn 't play a huge role in the novel itself , it was instrumental ( heh ) in actually writing the book . My Pandora stations played Deadmau5 , ATB , Kasakde , Armin van Buuren , Massive Attack , Cocteau Twins , Depeche Mode , Recoil and others . Over and over again . When I hear certain songs like Kaskade 's Angel on my Shoulder , I am instantly propelled back into certain scenes . So these are a few of my favorite things about Blood Gift . I 'd love to hear your favorite things . You can email me at amyleeburgess99 @ gmail . com anytime ! When Claire became a vampire , she hoped she could forget her abusive past . But her mentor , the sexy , perfect Parker destroys her dreams of a new start . Soon , Claire devotes her new found psychic powers to helping abused women . Drawn to the mysterious and handsome Andre , another master in the London Circle and Parker 's archrival , Claire enters into a passionate clandestine affair which causes her powers to ramp out of control . Wild , sensual sex morphs into something deeper and , for Claire , terrifying . Andre soon discovers her abilities and realizes he is her trigger - the one vampire in the world who can help her control her spiraling powers . Bonding with him requires Claire to trust and accept his love , two things she cannot bring herself to do . The gift of love is something her past won 't allow her to accept . Even so , Andre will have to reach her in time to save her life or stake her when her powers drive her insane . " Claire . " Andre 's voice was heavy with desire . The way he said my name with his slight Irish accent was different from the way everyone else said it . I felt special . Different . As if I mattered . I turned my head to look at him . He had me pinned to the grass , one hand on either side of my shoulders . I 'd locked my ankles so my heels pressed into the small of his back . His eyes were smoldering dark , and my lips parted . That was all the invitation he needed . The burning shock of his mouth against mine was electric , and I brought my hands up so I could bury my fingers in his soft hair . I had just enough presence of mind to weave a shield of privacy so that mortals didn 't register we were there and avoided walking near . Andre and I connected like interlocking pieces of a vast puzzle . Our kiss went supernova hot in an instant . I curled my tongue around his , and the whole world froze . Mortals were nearby , but their thoughts abruptly cut out of my head . For all I was aware , Andre and I were the only two beings on earth . The explosive taste of his blood made me moan . He 'd deliberately nicked his tongue on his fang . My own fangs burst from my gums , and I scraped my tongue against one of them . Blood spurted , and it was Andre 's turn to groan . The cold grass beneath my body seemed to disappear as if I floated weightless with only Andre 's kiss to anchor me . Time sputtered and died , and nothing mattered but his hot mouth moving against mine . " I 'm going to make love to you in the grass if we don 't stop . " He increased the pressure of his lips against the hollow of my throat . " Come home with me , angel . " " Dre , " I whispered , shaking with fear and desire - I wasn 't sure which was stronger . On fire for him , I didn 't want him to stop touching me . While his body was pressed to mine , we had all the time in the world , but when he moved away , would everything crash ? " I 'm scared . " " Of me ? " He lifted his head so he could look into my eyes . The night around us was alive with the sound of crickets . Stars wheeled in the sky , and the earth pressed against my back . I was suspended in the universe . Nothing mattered but him . I touched his cheek with the tip of my finger , traced a line to his sensual mouth . I wanted to kiss him and taste my blood mingled with his . " Of everything . Of this not being real . That this is all a lie like Parker says . That I don 't matter . That nothing matters . That this is a race to see who can hurt the other first . " He winced as if in pain , and I buried my face in his shoulder . He pulled me tightly into his embrace and rested his forehead against my head . " I won 't hurt you . I swear I won 't . " BLURB ~ A moment in time , and a mistake that caused two people irretrievable damage . Eva McDonald comes home from London to visit her dying father . Knowing that she will see her nemesis she tries to prepare for the inevitable meeting . However the sizzling attraction that ignites with Gabe Fitzgerald has her trying to flee once again . He knows he made a mistake but will she allow him to rectify it ? Circumstances trap her in Gabe 's house and she will do anything to hide her long held secret from him … the real reason she left him eight years ago . EXCERPT ~ He stood and walked round the table between them and pulled her into his arms , careful of her ankle he breathed in the warmth of her , his nose buried in the soft skin of her neck and he knew he had done the right thing by telling her . It felt so good to finally relinquish some of the weight from his shoulders the tension inside him ceased . He felt at peace for the first time in years without the burden so heavily etched onto his shoulders . " You have to tell your brothers , " she whispered against his ear . His head shot up . " No never , I promised Mom . " " So you are just gonna continue to take the blame for something you didn 't do ? " She gripped his arms tightly and he could see the disbelief on her face . " I thought you would understand . " His eyes narrowed . " It has nothing to do with blame ; it was Mom 's dying wish . I could never and won 't ever tell the others … ever . " His voice was emphatic ; he wanted Eva to understand this was between the two of them and no one else . " I told you because I don 't want there to be any more secrets between us . " He lifted her chin with his fingers sighing . The confusion in those beautiful green eyes broke his heart . Her lips quivered and he sucked in a breath . " I will not say a word … you can trust me ; however , I think you 're wrong . I think you should tell the others , but it 's you 're decision and I will respect it . " He nodded stroking the corner of her mouth with his thumb . His eyes tried to search for her innermost secrets . " Now I have divulged my innermost secret how about you do the same ? " She pushed him and the sudden pallor of her face shocked him . He pulled her back holding her tightly . She whispered against his chest , " I have no secrets . " He dropped his hands to her waist lifting her so she was forced to make eye contact with him . " Look at me , Eva , look at me and tell me that . " " Gabe , for goodness sake put me down . " She gripped his shoulders and her fingernails dug into his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt . " I know yoBIO ~ As a young child I loved to write . I always carried a notebook and pen around with me and wrote about everything . It was a dream to become a published author . However sometimes in life our dreams get pushed to one side as mine did . So , dare I say at the young age of fifty I think it is time for me to see if those dreams are everything I hoped they would be … and hey it 's never too late to go and grab that dream ! I have been through many major changes in my working life ranging from a Diana nurse , running my own skin care business , helping with the family run bus company and even hairdressing but my heart as always belonged to putting words on paper and making them come to life . Recently I managed to get in contact with my best friend from Scotland who I hadn 't seen for over forty years . She lives in America and every year without fail I make the trip over to North Carolina and visit with her and her gorgeous family . This is where I have gained a lot of inspiration for many of my stories . I am lucky that my mum and two sisters live close by and I can say that we are all best friends . I lost my dad four years ago and if it wasn 't for the story I wrote after his death where I came second in a competition I probably wouldn 't have started writing with a view to publication . I am living my lifelong dream of becoming an author something which I never imagined happening . If I had to give any advice to an un - published author it would be ' Never give up the dream ' because I never did … To get the word out about the newest release in my ROCKING ROMANCE COLLECTION , BETWEEN ROCK AND A HARD PLACE , I 've again taken to cyberspace ! So come touring with me . I 've saved you the best seat in the house . ; ) And be sure to enter my Rafflecopter giveaway ! 1 . Don 't say yes when the chief of police asks you to a movie . 2 . Do use your ability to control electricity to short out alarm systems when you 're breaking into houses looking for information that might lead you to the guy who tried to kill you . 3 . Don 't get overexcited and follow a lead into a situation with dire consequences . 4 . Do take control of the situation when avoiding those dire consequences could mean even more dire consequences . 5 . Don 't forget to turn your cell phone off when you 're hiding from the bad guys . 6 . Do listen to your smart , experienced , well - paid PI , especially when he 's also a friend and even if his default setting is to protect you from yourself . 7 . Don 't fry that PI / friend / protector when he dares to kiss you , and if you have no control and it happens anyway , make sure the chief of police isn 't outside your room in the ER , overhearing proof that you lied to him . 8 . Do find motivation to overcome your greatest fear and embark on the endgame , because it 's totally lame to fizzle out ( pun intended ) that close to the finish line . 9 . Don 't lose faith in yourself . 10 . Do take satisfaction in your success . But alluring P . I . Griffin Chase is stirring up those feelings of need again . Only this time , her desire to be in his arms has nothing to do with her fear of loneliness and everything to do with the current charging through her body every time he looks at her … touches her . Griffin hasn 't remained at Reese 's side just because of the spark that has nothing to do with her super - human talents . He 's willing to compromise his rock - solid principles so she can find closure . But before they can move on , he must help her catch her late husband 's killer , staying on track before she has a chance to exact her revenge . Because leading Reese to jail in handcuffs may just break his heart for the final time . " What about him ? " He jerked his head toward the sidewalk outside , where Andrew Laine stood talking to the couple who owned the hardware store . " He giving you any trouble ? " She cursed herself as soon as the words were out of her mouth . Griff 's gray - blue eyes darkened , his rock - solid chin tightening . He 'd obviously meant " trouble " because of Reese breaking the law , not because the chief of police had asked her out . " No ! " She grabbed the towel again and swept it over the few crumbs and coffee drips on the counter , scrubbing vigorously at one dried spot . " I didn 't want to shove him too far away , that 's all . As long as he had an interest , I could keep track of what he knew . " Even if it kept her on edge and fried her equipment . " Anyway , he knows now . It 's fine . You don 't have to worry . " That wasn 't strictly true . Griff was co - owner of a multi - city private detective firm . He ran Chase Investigations in Washington , DC , where Reese had lived before the plane crash . Reese had hired him to help her track down clues about whoever had tried to kill her . But they 'd become friends . He 'd helped her through physical therapy , been a sounding board while she dealt with her new reality , and was the only person on earth who knew what that lightning strike had done to her body . Another group came in , and he retreated to a table with his breakfast . Reese saw Kimmie eyeing him , and the young woman flushed at his greeting . Reese couldn 't blame her . He had the classic " hunk " build , with a broad chest , narrow waist , and shoulders shown off by a tight gray T - shirt . His gray - blue eyes were nothing special at first glance , but they sparkled at everyone and made his charming smile even brighter . No doubt that smile was what pinned Kimmie in place now , wearing a slightly stunned expression . Natalie J . Damschroder is an award - winning author of contemporary and paranormal romance - Love with a Shot of Adrenaline . She sold her first book in 1999 , and 2014 will see the publication of her 15th novel . She grew up in Massachusetts and loves the New England Patriots more than anything . ( Except her family . And writing and reading . And popcorn . ) When she 's not writing , revising , proofreading , or promoting her work , she does freelance editing and works part time as a chiropractic assistant . She and her husband have two daughters she 's dubbed " the anti - teenagers , " one of whom is also a novelist . ( The other one prefers math . Smart kid . Practical . ) You can learn more about her and her books at www . nataliedamschroder . com . Winner may choose the color . Subject to availability ; comparable substitution to be made if necessary . Shipping in U . S . only . International entries acceptable ; non - U . S . winner will receive alternate prize , to be discussed ) . Investment billionaire Dylan Johns always gets what he wants . He is used to giving orders - not taking them - until he 's forced to go on hiatus from his investment company . To bide his time and carry out an old dream , he takes a job on a cruise ship - and ends up taking orders from his gorgeous , but frigid , new boss . He is determined to loosen her up with a fun onboard romance , but their no - strings fling turns serious and Dylan is forced to confess his lies . When the affair threatens to shatter Michaela 's own career dreams , she finds herself caught between the devil and the deep blue sea . Olivia Brent is happy with her quiet life in the country , until the loss of her home forces her to search for her estranged father . When she meets the stunningly gorgeous and enigmatic billionaire Luc Severino , her world is turned upside down . Jimmy Brent 's daughter was the last person Luc ever wanted to be with , but she 's the key to finding her father , the man Luc has wanted revenge on for over ten years . He 's willing to use any methods available , including blackmail , to persuade Olivia to help him find Jimmy and put the past behind him . And if blackmail doesn 't gain her total cooperation , then perhaps a little seduction will … Blackmailed to marry against his will , Ricardo Almanza needs a wife before he 's thirty , and time is running out . Helen Marshall can 't believe she 's considering Almanza 's outrageous proposal , but she must help clear her parents ' debts or they face financial ruin . The small print on the marriage contract changes to read three months as his wife in every way - including in the bedroom . Has she gotten in too deep , or will she need a new contract addendum , extending their marriage forever ? Dylan smiled at her , a coronary - inducing , thigh - quivering smile . She wanted to throw herself at him , but he stood up . " So , ready for some fun ? " He 'd said it again . Fun . Of course . For a moment , she thought he was going to say something different . That there might be something more between them than a bit of fun . But no , fun was just what she needed . At least for now . Dylan swam over beside her and lay floating on his back . She couldn 't help herself - she ran a hand down his smooth chest . The warm ocean water made his skin silky . She glanced at his face and caught him looking at her , a hot smile on his lips . His hand reached for hers as his feet found the ocean floor , and he pulled her fingers to his mouth . " No . Yes . Sorry for before , but - " She lowered her eyes . " - could we pretend we really are starting again ? And , you know , take everything a little slow ? " At least that way she might be able to retain a modicum of control . " I don 't recall taking anything slowly to start with , " he teased . " But I can try and be slower this time . Although don 't blame me if you 're the one begging me to up the tempo . " Slowly , very slowly , he stroked her chin , turning her face up toward his . The kiss was gentle , a mere breath , and she raised her arms to wrap around his shoulders as he pulled his lips away . Dylan 's arms encircled her waist in return , and they stood , gently buffeted by the movement of the water for just a moment . Oh , man , having fun tasted really good . As one , their heads moved together again . This kiss was luxurious , a deep , easy hello with a hint of the spice that was to follow . When she surfaced , Michaela looked into Dylan 's eyes and smiled . Hello , indeed . As she unwrapped herself from him and went to dive back under the water , he stopped her , his hands firm on her bare stomach . Kiss me , kiss me again . It probably wasn 't a good idea . In fact , it was probably a terrible one , but then what was one more bad idea ? She nodded . " Scotch , " he said . " Quite safe . " He watched , amused , as she swallowed the contents of the glass in one go . " Well , in small quantities . " He took her glass and poured her another . Instead of handing it to her , he placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofa , then sank onto the black leather and patted the seat next to him . Lia hesitated for a moment ; she was starting to feel quite warm , and decided it was probably safe to remove her jacket . She took it off and placed it carefully on top of Luc 's then came around and sat down next to him . He studied her for a few minutes , then he smiled , and suddenly she didn 't feel quite so safe anymore . " Why do you think I brought you here tonight , Lia ? " His voice was dark and smoky , full of sensual promise , and Lia quivered under the onslaught of it against her battered senses . She felt totally off - balance - safe one minute , hovering on the edge of something terrifying the next . The truth was , she didn 't know why he 'd brought her here . Or why he 'd helped her out at the club . So she clung to what she did know . " There 's a job for you here , whatever else happens , though I can 't promise you glamour and excitement . " He slanted her a heavy - lidded look from those stunning eyes . " Well , not in the job anyway . " Lia shook her head . No , to be perfectly honest , it hadn 't even occurred to her . Things like this didn 't happen to her . Kelly told her it was because she positively exuded keep - off vibes in the presence of men . She risked another quick glance and found him still watching her , his eyes deceptively sleepy . " And I think the feeling is mutual . You want me , don 't you , Lia ? " His voice was all dark seduction , oozing softly against her ears , sending quivers down her rigid spine . Her mind went blank , and then started working double speed . Yes , of course , she had wondered about this man - what woman wouldn 't ? He was the most gorgeous male specimen she 'd ever encountered . He was probably going to feature in every single one of her sexual fantasies from this day forward , but all the same , she hadn 't considered anything happening between the two of them . While she 'd never had a one - night anything before , she 'd had boyfriends . Well , boyfriend , singular . They 'd split up after Joe had complained that she spent more time with the horses than she did with him . He 'd given her an ultimatum , and told her it was him or the horses . There 'd been no competition . The sex had been okay , but not enough to change her priorities . That was two years ago , and she hadn 't been tempted since . " So you 've come to your senses . " Ricardo lounged in an armchair on his stepmother 's terrace , his long legs stretched out in the sun . " I thought you 'd put up some resistance for a day or two , but I 'm pleasantly surprised that you 've come round to my idea so quickly . " Helen calmly picked up the glassware on the table and loaded it onto a tray . She was grateful there was no way he could hear how hard her heart was beating . " You 're assuming I came out here specifically to see you and not just to clear away the remains of last night 's cocktail party . Some might call that arrogance . " He looked up from his newspaper and smiled coldly . " Do I assume correctly ? Or is it time to start turning the screw a little ? If I was sensible I 'd start reducing the fee by a hundred thousand for each day you make me wait . " He was silent , and his stern tiger - eye gaze flashed dangerously until she was forced to turn away . Clasping her hands tightly under her armpits , she stared out over the balcony at the panoramic view of Ibiza town below . A blistering heat haze shimmered over the rooftops and the piercing blue sea made her squint . " Cat got your tongue ? " She felt like sandpaper was lining her mouth . " Well , I figure that if I have to marry you , I might as well make it worth my while . I doubt if it will be an experience I 'll want to repeat . In that way I 'm a lot Llike you , a loveless marriage isn 't something that 's ever interested me . " Helen could hardly believe what she was saying . " So we can be quite business - like about the whole thing . I will marry you , in three months it will be annulled , and I will disappear from your life forever . " " Not quite . " His chair scraped back and within seconds she felt his presence close behind her . " You doubled the price . So the small print changes . " " For two million , I want more . A lot more . There will be no annulment . The only way our marriage will end is in divorce . " She felt his large palms close around her shoulders , and a finger began to stroke the soft flesh on the side of her neck . " My inflated ego could never stand the public humiliation of an annulment . Our union will be consummated . " Michele was born in the mid 1970 's amid a burgeoning sprawl of vineyards and new retirement homes . With two teachers as parents , her love of reading and books was cemented at an early age . Being a writer however , was not was she was supposed to do when she ' grew up ' . Despite training in law ( or perhaps because of it ) she has been a dancer , producer , writer , and all round arty type in various countries for most of her life . Moving into writing full time in 2010 was like being a part of a contemporary romance - perfect ! Creating new worlds for her characters , or rather letting those same characters show her their worlds is now a highlight of Michele 's daily life . And falling in love over and over as each hero and heroine allow their true feelings to surface is something very special . What a treat to do it every day ! Now back home in New Zealand after travelling extensively , Michele writes from an office where the sound of the tapping keyboard is only rivalled by the whisper of wind in the trees . Enter the Rafflecopter Giveaway below for a chance to win a $ 20 Amazon or Barnes and Noble gift card ! Think of the books you could get with that ! GIVEAWAY ~
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Greek tycoon Nikolaos Costas has a debt to collect fro the Stefanopoulos family and he won 't leave until he gets his money . Stefanie Stefanopoulos has been tasked with entertaining - i . e . distracting - him while he 's in town , all in hopes of getting him to forgive the debt . She may not be an ugly duckling , but she 's a far cry from her petite stepsisters and she knows that the gorgeous playboy won 't even notice her . It doesn 't stop her from wanting him to , though . Four months ago , Nick 's bachelor - style life was turned upside down . Now the sole parent to a seven - year - old daughter he never knew existed , Nick doesn 't have time for pleasure . But he hadn 't factored in Stefanie or the intense attraction he 'd feel for her . As her seduction heats up , so do the stakes , both professionally and romantically . Can he let business go long enough to allow Stefanie into his heart ? Cornering Stefanie alone in the kitchen , Nick reached for the platters she 'd collected . " Stop , " he said , reaching for them . " It is a holiday , is it not ? " Setting the plates on the counter , he shook his head . " No , today you are a generous friend who has made beautiful food to be enjoyed by , it seems , everyone but herself . " A dark brow lifted . " Have you even tasted this baklava ? " He gestured to the tray set out on the counter . Stefanie hesitated . It wasn 't as though she needed the extra calories , though she could hardly say so to him . " No I haven 't , but I make it all the time . " Stefanie hesitated . She spent so much time tasting dishes in her kitchen as she was preparing them that she was rarely hungry - and just as rarely full . Sitting down to an actual meal , or even a snack , was a rarity . " I don 't know . A while , I guess . " Nick reached around her to the counter , his pectoral brushing her breast , whether deliberately or accidentally Stefanie couldn 't say for certain . What she could say for certain was that it felt good - really good . Good enough to want more . Smiling back , he brought the dessert to her lips . " I am making the food gods very angry , I am sure , but I will risk it if you will . Open . " The last time someone had fed her she 'd probably been all of five . Stefanie hesitated and then opened . Gooey , honeyed heaven sweetened the inside of her mouth . A syrupy thumb slid across her bottom lip , raising a bevy of tingles . " It is good , yes ? " His eyes locked on hers and suddenly she wasn 't at all sure he referred to the pastry . Nick stepped back , eyes dark and dancing . " Yes , Stefanie , it is . Now come upstairs and join the party . Your friends are missing you . I am missing you . " " No buts . " He held out his hand , the same hand he 'd used to feed her . " There is a time for staying behind - the - scenes , for hiding out in the kitchen , and this is not it . " Award - winning author , Hope Tarr earned a Master 's Degree in Psychology and a Ph . D . in Education before coming to grips with the tough truth : she wasn 't especially interested in analyzing people or teaching them . What she wanted was to write about them ! Today Hope is the author of more than twenty historical and contemporary romance novels for multiple publishers including THE CINDERELLA SEDUCTION , the finale to her Suddenly Cinderella Series for Entangled Publishing . Hope is also a co - founder and current curator of Lady Jane 's Salon ® , New York City 's first - and still only - monthly romance reading series now with satellites in eight U . S . states . The Romance Writers of America 's New York City chapter recently honored Hope as their 2013 Author of the Year . She lives in Manhattan with her real life romance hero and their feline family members . When not writing , she enjoys running , hiking , martial arts - and browsing restaurant menus . As a romance writer there are things I try to keep real and things I gloss over with the biggest pencil I can find . The gut - wrenching emotional reaction when my heroine is reunited with her family after being turned to human again - perfect . My heroine wrenching her gut and thighs into a pair of Spanx - gloss over . The overwhelming sexual attraction my characters have for each other - the more real the better . The after effects said sexual attraction running down my heroine 's legs - I don 't think so . There are situations that make you think , Wow , and there are situations that make you think , Ewww . I try to focus on the wow factor . As a reader I want descriptions about a hero 's strong thighs and muscular chest . I don 't want to know that he has a hairy butt - crack or that he scratches his goodies when he 's watching television . I want to be enthralled when a hero and heroine are making love and exploring each other . I don 't want to see his ejaculation described in teaspoons , ounces , cups , quarts , and need I venture into the ridiculous ? Unless my hero is an Elephantorian , from the really big planet of Elephanta , I will never describe any bodily fluid in gallons . If my hero peels back the lacy black thong , which in our world would slice any real woman in two , I want to read about glistening curls or his burgeoning erection . I don 't want to read about how your heroine is freaking out inside , cursing herself for not taking the mower to her nether region , or how she should have given that thing a good scrub with the washcloth the last time she was in the bathroom . Real is good as long as it 's not too real . I like a clear defined reaction to a situation from my characters . If my heroine is attacked I want her to kick the villain in snarklies kill him . " What I don 't want is for my characters to act like I would . It 's not uncommon for me to rehash a situation in my mind for hours , even days . I can 't tell you how many hours I 've wasted constructing I should have scenes I 'll never voice . As a reader Blurb ~ For two years , Siban had been tortured in the Bane prison , only to fall in love with the beautiful demon who helped him escape . Tormented by the thought of never seeing her again , he maintains a life of solitude . So , when Rell 's human body is rescued from the Shadow World , he will do anything to be with her - even if it means challenging death to become a Bringer , too . But once their Bringer transformations and training are completed , Siban and Rell must join a mission to go deep in the Shadow World to rescue others trapped by the Demon Bane King . And what they discover destroys everything they knew about the Demon Bane . The lovers must learn to trust themselves , each other , and their new powers if they 're going to make it out alive . Siban lifted his chin toward the gray sky and inhaled . Crisp air filled his lungs , clearing his head . The time had come for him to take his place among his people , the Bringers . Past time , actually . They needed him in the fight against the Demon Bane - a fight the Bringers seemed to be losing . He exhaled and walked to the closest outbuilding . His hand hovered on the cold metal of the door handle , his determination wavering . Could he go through with the ceremony that would finally bring him to full power as a Bringer ? Perhaps if he hadn 't seen Luc 's conversion firsthand , hadn 't watched the blade drive into his friend 's chest , and hadn 't felt the life draining from Luc , he wouldn 't feel so anxious now . But there was no turning back . Hopefully he 'd be able to control the power that came with being a Bringer Tell . Endowed with the Knowing , he would sense things more strongly . Would know truth from a lie . Saints willing , the darkness that still tainted his soul from his years of imprisonment in the Demon Bane 's Shadow World wouldn 't grow stronger as well . Chilly wind whipped his hair , bringing with it the smell of fall and the hint of snow . The sky echoed his mood . For a 4 year he 'd been dealing with the dark memories of being held captive the only way he knew how - alone . But now he 'd found Rell again and she needed him to be strong . He 'd been the one to change her mind about being put to death by one of the immortal daggers of the Bringers . As the only weapons that could vanquish a Demon Bane , it was the only way to kill her , but Siban wouldn 't let that happen . For too long he 'd grieved the loss of her . Nothing would stop him from helping her survive the healing that would transform her from a Demon Bane back into her human form - and into a Bringer . He yanked on the door but the wind beat it closed again , as if sensing his apprehension . He pulled again , this time opening it and slipping inside . A cloud of warmth and the smell of lavender and sage enveloped him . All eyes turned toward Siban , the Bringers ' conversation halting . He closed the door behind him and exhaled softly , stilling his urge to turn around and walk back out . Dozens of candles lined the wall and burned on every available surface , lending a calming , golden glow to the room . But the ambiance did very little to reassure him about the impending pain he was about to experience . For years Rhys had thought he was the only full - blooded Bringer left after his parent 's had been assassinated by Vile . He 'd roamed Inness , protecting humans against the Bane and building a small army of mixed - blooded Bringers , those whose bloodlines had been diluted by humans . Thankfully , Rhys had recognized Siban for what he was and had taken him in , even though he was tainted by the Bane 's evil darkness . Since then Siban 's loyalty had never wavered . He gripped Rhys 's forearm in a show of solidarity . " And miss all the fun ? " " It feels a bit like that , yeah . " Siban scanned the room . Most of the faces he recognized , but there were a few new Bringers he hadn 't been introduced to yet . That could wait until he was through the transformation . Siban nodded and exhaled . " All right then , let 's get this over with . " A smaller table had been erected about four feet from where he was to lay . A white sheet covered it . Siban stopped and stared at the form pressed against the cloth . The outline was of a woman - Rell 's human form lying in perfect repose . " Thank you . " He glanced at her . Ravyn watched him with understanding . She 'd already gone through the transformation to become a Bringer and understood the risk . He looked back at the body on the table , refraining from voicing the fact that the person on the table was a stranger to him . His Rell was a Demon Bane with smooth green skin , leathery wings , and small delicate horns . He released a heavy breath , pushing aside the dark thought that he might not be able to accept her as a human . It had been the demon who risked so much to help him escape the Shadow World . Would the human female be 6 Boone Brux different from the demon he 'd fallen in love with ? " I 'm ready . " Siban slipped his tunic off and handed it to Ravyn . Shivers from the chilled air ghosted across his skin . When Gregory lifted the dagger , Siban 's heart began to pound . I can do this . Ravyn spread a linen blanket over the wooden slab and placed a small pillow at the head . " Lie down , please . " She patted the table . " I promise we 'll take good care of you . " Without replying , he slid onto the table and rested his head against the stiff pillow . The blanket did little to cushion the hard wood pressing against his back , though he doubted he would have been able to relax . Unsure where to place his hands , he interlocked his fingers and rested them against his bare abdomen . He shifted his shoulders , trying to find a more comfortable position and ignoring the awkwardness of being everybody 's focus . Cloves , lavender , and a piney scent rose up around the edge of the table . Siban swallowed and stared at the ceiling . He mentally counted the dark beams above , forcing himself not to watch the Bringers working around him . Another shudder rippled through his body . Three months ago , allowing somebody to cut or stab him would have been unthinkable . The nightmares from his time among the demons still haunted him . He pushed away the dark thoughts , unwilling to give them power over him . After having been tortured with everything from talons to shards of rusty metal while in Vile 's prison , Siban 's consent to be brought to full power was a testament to his devotion to Rell . A low , healing chant kindled to Siban 's left . The song flowing around him was one of the most beautiful Siban had ever heard . Clear and pitched surprisingly low , the notes resonated along his body and sent tingles skittering along his skin . Another voice joined the melody , deeper in tone . The light in the room shifted , altering Siban 's sight . Ribbons of blue and white drifted from the Bringers , encircling them like lace , binding each together . The lyrical composition surrounded him and burrowed under his skin , winding its way to what felt like his soul . Ravyn and Rell 's sister , Jade , joined the circle and each placed their hands on one of his shoulders . When Rhys and Ravyn had brought their friend Luc Le Daun to full power , Siban had held his legs down in a similar manner . Luc had fought them , almost escaping their hold . Siban wondered how Ravyn and Jade expected to keep him restrained if his control broke . The two women joined the chant and instantly warmth flowed into his body . Streams of light spiraled from their hands and entered his shoulders at the point where they touched . Tension eased from his muscles , the mantra lulling him into a relaxed state . Even when Gregory approached , fear did not grip Siban . " In death there is life , " Gregory said , circling the blade in front of him in a looping pattern . " In sacrifice , return . " Heat traveled down Siban 's torso and his eyes remained steady on the king . " All barriers destroyed and evil be spurned . " Gregory lowered the knife and laid the blade against Siban 's chest , directly over his heart . Despite the relaxing chant , he couldn 't help but tense when the cold metal touched his skin . " No hindrance remain , from our blood be renewed . " Gregory dragged the edge downward , lacerating Siban with a shallow slice . In an effort not to cry out , he bit down on his lower lip . The metallic taste of blood coated his tongue . " That which was taken , settle in those who Bring true . " Fire danced along the cut and Siban braced himself , waiting for Gregory to plunge the dagger in his heart as they had done with Luc . Instead of stabbing him , Gregory set the knife between two piles of herbs on the wooden platform and placed his hands next to Ravyn 's . Again the king spoke , but they were words Siban did not understand . The heat burning along the slice spread across his chest , eating up every inch of Siban 's body . Searing pain ignited his organs as if incinerating him from the inside out . He gasped for breath , but couldn 't inhale as wave after wave of pain gripped him . The chant around him grew louder and more hands pressed against his legs and arms . His muscles convulsed . It was as if his very soul was being pulled from his body through his chest . He choked against the tightening at his throat . His mouth opened in an effort to suck in air , but none could pass . The words grew louder and above the unified chant he heard Ravyn 's voice . Separate from the other Redeemers , she spoke the Bringer 's ancient language . Her words demanded and coaxed the darkness from inside him . His vision blurred and his head pounded as the need for air became desperate . From Siban 's throat rose a white vapor . It hovered a foot above his mouth and then descended to cover his face . The sensation of being branded scorched the skin under his lower lip . After a few seconds , the white vapor evaporated completely . Siban gasped , drinking in the cool , perfumed air , and collapsed against the table . All traces of pain and the ribbons of healing light disappeared . The blood pounded in his ears , and his heart raced . He waited , expecting another wave of agony , but none came . Siban struggled to sit up , spreading the herbs along the edge of the table and knocking some of them to the ground . He looked at his chest . A thin red line stretched from his sternum to his left side , but there was no blood . " What was that white smoke ? I felt like I was choking . " " Think of it as a net that encased your powers . Due to generations of Bringers breeding with humans , the Bringer 10 Boone Brux essence within us becomes bound . The ceremony severs that bond . " He pointed to Siban 's cut . " It will be healed by morning and the only evidence of the ceremony will be your Tell mark . " Gregory placed a hand on Siban 's shoulder . " How do you feel ? " How did he feel ? It was difficult to put into words . New vitality hummed through his body , as if a million tiny sparks had snapped against his skin , leaving their tingling reminder . Even his head felt clear , unfettered from the nightmares and dark thoughts that had been his constant companion since his imprisonment in the Shadow World . " Better . " " I 'll give her whatever strength I have . " He scooted from the table . His legs quivered , and he grabbed the edge of the wood in an effort not to stumble . Gregory reached for him , but Siban waved him away and straightened . " I 'm all right . " " Then come to the house and eat . " Willa , Rell 's mother , stepped from the shadows . Her white - blond hair glimmered in the candlelight and her eyes sparkled with determination . " We 're all going to need to fortify ourselves if we plan on saving my daughter . " Though he wasn 't the least bit hungry , under no circumstance would Siban contradict Willa once she 'd made a command . The woman was fire and ice mixed into a tiny , unassuming package . He was fairly certain Willa would have gone into the bowels of the Shadow World herself to bring back her daughter 's body if Luc and Jade hadn 't beaten her to it . Such fierce loyalty was a trait he understood and respected . He nodded . Boone Brux 's writing drips with experiences from real life . Addicted to anything that might make a good story , she weaves tales ranging from dark fantasy to humorous romance . Settled in the icy regions of Alaska with the love of her life and twin daughters , it 's not uncommon to find her tapping away on her iPad on a windy beach or the barren tundra . Be warned , everyone is fodder for one of Boone 's novels . Today I 'm welcoming back author Amy Lee Burgess and she 's sharing a top ten list with us ! ( I love top ten lists ! ) Take it away , Amy ! Today I have My Favorite Things from the Sound of Music running through my head . ( Thanks , Carrie Underwood ! ) So I decided to share with you ten of my favorite things about my novel , Blood Gift . 1 . ) Claire , my heroine . She was so hard to write . Not at first when I let her angst and misery out in the form of a snarky mouth and jaded attitude . But then my beta readers came back to say , Wow , she 's … unlikeable . Which - no ! Who wants to read 200 pages of a vampire romance where the lead character grates on your nerves ? Not me ! So it was back to the drawing board . Gone was most of her snark . And her angst . And her misery . Yet she has this horrific back story and I wanted her past to poison her future so when she overcame it , bells would ring , angels would get their wings and happiness would abound . Or something like that . But I didn 't want her to be too spritely and optimistic or she 'd be a different person who didn 't need to overcome her past because she 'd already be over it . So , writing Claire was a journey and sometimes I think I am the one who discovered myself , not her . 2 . ) The setting . London . In the autumn and winter . Cold rain , Knightsbridge all gray and gloomy . The lights of the city reflected in the inky blackness of the Thames at night . Ever since I started reading British murder mysteries when I was young teen , I 've been in love with London . I 've been writing vampire novels since the mid - nineties ( Blood Gift is the only one I 've managed to publish ) and they all take place in London . Something about London screams vampire to me . The way Claire sees the city at night matters to her . Beauty anchors her and what she sees is as visually stimulating as the blood she consumes . 3 . ) Andre , my hero . He has one of those smiles that can turn your knees to rubber and change your whole life . He 's complicated , but he doesn 't seem like it at first . He intrigues Claire from the first night she meets him , but he 's her master 's archrival and she 's been forbidden to get to know him . He 's determine5 . ) Vampires in general . I love them . I loved them before they were as popular and prolific as they are today . My take on the vampire is more on the sexy side than monstrous . Sure , they have their flaws and left unchecked considering their immortality , they can become horrible beings . But the potential for good and beautiful is just as strong - and ultimately harder to achieve . I 'm an introspective person by nature and I 've made my vampires the same way . Most of them anyway . Imagine the depths you could discover about yourself if you never aged and never died ? If you had the strength of will to continue on when everything around you changes . One of the reasons I made my vampires live in a Circle is to provide continuity in an otherwise rapidly shifting world . Of course , being trapped with some people for eternity could be more torture than comforting , I suppose . 6 . ) Mind reading and influencing . Claire has special powers the other vampires in the Circle don 't . She can read minds - both mortal and immortal . She can also influence people to do her will . Since Claire is not very sure of herself and her self - esteem is generally in the toilet , she doesn 't do well with this particular power . Immortals prove too difficult to be reliable and what she does with mortals ? Well , she helps the ones that remind her of herself and her past . She was abused by both her mother and her boyfriend , so she spends her nights finding abused women and helping them out of their awful situations . She influences them to get out , to leave , and to never look back . If she can find the abuser , she influences him to change - to become a better person , one who doesn 't use his fists . I like that Claire doesn 't walk around and make people do silly things or bad things . She tries so very hard to find a good use for her power . 7 . ) The Circle mark , Gebo . Gebo is a Nordic rune which means " the gift " . It 's a powerful rune working with the concept of exchange . Every gift is , in essence , an exchange . More than just a present wrapped in pretty paper , it can be an ideal . An emotion . Trust . Giving in . Letting go . Accepting what is offered . Every vampire in the London Circle bears a small black X on their backs which tie them together . Four times a year they must meet with their Circle Master , Oliver , and exchange blood . Some of them hate each other , but they still must exchange or they will lose their grip upon the world and themselves . How they deal with the concept of the gift and the exchange is an integral theme in this novel . ( And you thought it was a romance ! Okay , it is but there 's more ! ) 8 . ) Parker . He 's Claire 's sexy as hell master . In vampire Circles , there are masters and apprentices . This does not equal slavery . Again , working with the concept of Gebo and exchange , masters guide apprentices through the first thirty or so years after Turning . Sometimes they fall in love , sometimes they despise each other . Parker and Claire have an interesting relationship . Parker doesn 't believe in fairy tales . No such thing as true love . It 's all manipulation . Or is it ? Parker gets all the best lines in Blood Gift . He 's that sexy guy you love to hate and secretly root for . ( And I have a feeling he 'll show up in the next book in the series . ) 9 . ) Andre 's flat in Knightsbridge . I based the home he and Claire share on an actual flat I found online . All the rooms - especially the bathrooms - are described exactly as I saw them . I 'm a sucker for spa tubs and rain showers . Vampires don 't age , so Oliver , the Circle Master , has become a pro at real estate . Buying , selling , and flipping . So his vampires aren 't really allowed to feel any sort of permanence in their homes . Yet some of them grow very attached to their flats and their houses . The concept of finding Home is key in the novel and the scene where Claire and Andre decorate a bedroom for her has special fondness for me . He 's trying to give her a home . Will she make one with him ? 10 . ) Music . Although music doesn 't play a huge role in the novel itself , it was instrumental ( heh ) in actually writing the book . My Pandora stations played Deadmau5 , ATB , Kasakde , Armin van Buuren , Massive Attack , Cocteau Twins , Depeche Mode , Recoil and others . Over and over again . When I hear certain songs like Kaskade 's Angel on my Shoulder , I am instantly propelled back into certain scenes . So these are a few of my favorite things about Blood Gift . I 'd love to hear your favorite things . You can email me at amyleeburgess99 @ gmail . com anytime ! When Claire became a vampire , she hoped she could forget her abusive past . But her mentor , the sexy , perfect Parker destroys her dreams of a new start . Soon , Claire devotes her new found psychic powers to helping abused women . Drawn to the mysterious and handsome Andre , another master in the London Circle and Parker 's archrival , Claire enters into a passionate clandestine affair which causes her powers to ramp out of control . Wild , sensual sex morphs into something deeper and , for Claire , terrifying . Andre soon discovers her abilities and realizes he is her trigger - the one vampire in the world who can help her control her spiraling powers . Bonding with him requires Claire to trust and accept his love , two things she cannot bring herself to do . The gift of love is something her past won 't allow her to accept . Even so , Andre will have to reach her in time to save her life or stake her when her powers drive her insane . " Claire . " Andre 's voice was heavy with desire . The way he said my name with his slight Irish accent was different from the way everyone else said it . I felt special . Different . As if I mattered . I turned my head to look at him . He had me pinned to the grass , one hand on either side of my shoulders . I 'd locked my ankles so my heels pressed into the small of his back . His eyes were smoldering dark , and my lips parted . That was all the invitation he needed . The burning shock of his mouth against mine was electric , and I brought my hands up so I could bury my fingers in his soft hair . I had just enough presence of mind to weave a shield of privacy so that mortals didn 't register we were there and avoided walking near . Andre and I connected like interlocking pieces of a vast puzzle . Our kiss went supernova hot in an instant . I curled my tongue around his , and the whole world froze . Mortals were nearby , but their thoughts abruptly cut out of my head . For all I was aware , Andre and I were the only two beings on earth . The explosive taste of his blood made me moan . He 'd deliberately nicked his tongue on his fang . My own fangs burst from my gums , and I scraped my tongue against one of them . Blood spurted , and it was Andre 's turn to groan . The cold grass beneath my body seemed to disappear as if I floated weightless with only Andre 's kiss to anchor me . Time sputtered and died , and nothing mattered but his hot mouth moving against mine . " I 'm going to make love to you in the grass if we don 't stop . " He increased the pressure of his lips against the hollow of my throat . " Come home with me , angel . " " Dre , " I whispered , shaking with fear and desire - I wasn 't sure which was stronger . On fire for him , I didn 't want him to stop touching me . While his body was pressed to mine , we had all the time in the world , but when he moved away , would everything crash ? " I 'm scared . " " Of me ? " He lifted his head so he could look into my eyes . The night around us was alive with the sound of crickets . Stars wheeled in the sky , and the earth pressed against my back . I was suspended in the universe . Nothing mattered but him . I touched his cheek with the tip of my finger , traced a line to his sensual mouth . I wanted to kiss him and taste my blood mingled with his . " Of everything . Of this not being real . That this is all a lie like Parker says . That I don 't matter . That nothing matters . That this is a race to see who can hurt the other first . " He winced as if in pain , and I buried my face in his shoulder . He pulled me tightly into his embrace and rested his forehead against my head . " I won 't hurt you . I swear I won 't . " BLURB ~ A moment in time , and a mistake that caused two people irretrievable damage . Eva McDonald comes home from London to visit her dying father . Knowing that she will see her nemesis she tries to prepare for the inevitable meeting . However the sizzling attraction that ignites with Gabe Fitzgerald has her trying to flee once again . He knows he made a mistake but will she allow him to rectify it ? Circumstances trap her in Gabe 's house and she will do anything to hide her long held secret from him … the real reason she left him eight years ago . EXCERPT ~ He stood and walked round the table between them and pulled her into his arms , careful of her ankle he breathed in the warmth of her , his nose buried in the soft skin of her neck and he knew he had done the right thing by telling her . It felt so good to finally relinquish some of the weight from his shoulders the tension inside him ceased . He felt at peace for the first time in years without the burden so heavily etched onto his shoulders . " You have to tell your brothers , " she whispered against his ear . His head shot up . " No never , I promised Mom . " " So you are just gonna continue to take the blame for something you didn 't do ? " She gripped his arms tightly and he could see the disbelief on her face . " I thought you would understand . " His eyes narrowed . " It has nothing to do with blame ; it was Mom 's dying wish . I could never and won 't ever tell the others … ever . " His voice was emphatic ; he wanted Eva to understand this was between the two of them and no one else . " I told you because I don 't want there to be any more secrets between us . " He lifted her chin with his fingers sighing . The confusion in those beautiful green eyes broke his heart . Her lips quivered and he sucked in a breath . " I will not say a word … you can trust me ; however , I think you 're wrong . I think you should tell the others , but it 's you 're decision and I will respect it . " He nodded stroking the corner of her mouth with his thumb . His eyes tried to search for her innermost secrets . " Now I have divulged my innermost secret how about you do the same ? " She pushed him and the sudden pallor of her face shocked him . He pulled her back holding her tightly . She whispered against his chest , " I have no secrets . " He dropped his hands to her waist lifting her so she was forced to make eye contact with him . " Look at me , Eva , look at me and tell me that . " " Gabe , for goodness sake put me down . " She gripped his shoulders and her fingernails dug into his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt . " I know yoBIO ~ As a young child I loved to write . I always carried a notebook and pen around with me and wrote about everything . It was a dream to become a published author . However sometimes in life our dreams get pushed to one side as mine did . So , dare I say at the young age of fifty I think it is time for me to see if those dreams are everything I hoped they would be … and hey it 's never too late to go and grab that dream ! I have been through many major changes in my working life ranging from a Diana nurse , running my own skin care business , helping with the family run bus company and even hairdressing but my heart as always belonged to putting words on paper and making them come to life . Recently I managed to get in contact with my best friend from Scotland who I hadn 't seen for over forty years . She lives in America and every year without fail I make the trip over to North Carolina and visit with her and her gorgeous family . This is where I have gained a lot of inspiration for many of my stories . I am lucky that my mum and two sisters live close by and I can say that we are all best friends . I lost my dad four years ago and if it wasn 't for the story I wrote after his death where I came second in a competition I probably wouldn 't have started writing with a view to publication . I am living my lifelong dream of becoming an author something which I never imagined happening . If I had to give any advice to an un - published author it would be ' Never give up the dream ' because I never did … To get the word out about the newest release in my ROCKING ROMANCE COLLECTION , BETWEEN ROCK AND A HARD PLACE , I 've again taken to cyberspace ! So come touring with me . I 've saved you the best seat in the house . ; ) And be sure to enter my Rafflecopter giveaway ! 1 . Don 't say yes when the chief of police asks you to a movie . 2 . Do use your ability to control electricity to short out alarm systems when you 're breaking into houses looking for information that might lead you to the guy who tried to kill you . 3 . Don 't get overexcited and follow a lead into a situation with dire consequences . 4 . Do take control of the situation when avoiding those dire consequences could mean even more dire consequences . 5 . Don 't forget to turn your cell phone off when you 're hiding from the bad guys . 6 . Do listen to your smart , experienced , well - paid PI , especially when he 's also a friend and even if his default setting is to protect you from yourself . 7 . Don 't fry that PI / friend / protector when he dares to kiss you , and if you have no control and it happens anyway , make sure the chief of police isn 't outside your room in the ER , overhearing proof that you lied to him . 8 . Do find motivation to overcome your greatest fear and embark on the endgame , because it 's totally lame to fizzle out ( pun intended ) that close to the finish line . 9 . Don 't lose faith in yourself . 10 . Do take satisfaction in your success . But alluring P . I . Griffin Chase is stirring up those feelings of need again . Only this time , her desire to be in his arms has nothing to do with her fear of loneliness and everything to do with the current charging through her body every time he looks at her … touches her . Griffin hasn 't remained at Reese 's side just because of the spark that has nothing to do with her super - human talents . He 's willing to compromise his rock - solid principles so she can find closure . But before they can move on , he must help her catch her late husband 's killer , staying on track before she has a chance to exact her revenge . Because leading Reese to jail in handcuffs may just break his heart for the final time . " What about him ? " He jerked his head toward the sidewalk outside , where Andrew Laine stood talking to the couple who owned the hardware store . " He giving you any trouble ? " She cursed herself as soon as the words were out of her mouth . Griff 's gray - blue eyes darkened , his rock - solid chin tightening . He 'd obviously meant " trouble " because of Reese breaking the law , not because the chief of police had asked her out . " No ! " She grabbed the towel again and swept it over the few crumbs and coffee drips on the counter , scrubbing vigorously at one dried spot . " I didn 't want to shove him too far away , that 's all . As long as he had an interest , I could keep track of what he knew . " Even if it kept her on edge and fried her equipment . " Anyway , he knows now . It 's fine . You don 't have to worry . " That wasn 't strictly true . Griff was co - owner of a multi - city private detective firm . He ran Chase Investigations in Washington , DC , where Reese had lived before the plane crash . Reese had hired him to help her track down clues about whoever had tried to kill her . But they 'd become friends . He 'd helped her through physical therapy , been a sounding board while she dealt with her new reality , and was the only person on earth who knew what that lightning strike had done to her body . Another group came in , and he retreated to a table with his breakfast . Reese saw Kimmie eyeing him , and the young woman flushed at his greeting . Reese couldn 't blame her . He had the classic " hunk " build , with a broad chest , narrow waist , and shoulders shown off by a tight gray T - shirt . His gray - blue eyes were nothing special at first glance , but they sparkled at everyone and made his charming smile even brighter . No doubt that smile was what pinned Kimmie in place now , wearing a slightly stunned expression . Natalie J . Damschroder is an award - winning author of contemporary and paranormal romance - Love with a Shot of Adrenaline . She sold her first book in 1999 , and 2014 will see the publication of her 15th novel . She grew up in Massachusetts and loves the New England Patriots more than anything . ( Except her family . And writing and reading . And popcorn . ) When she 's not writing , revising , proofreading , or promoting her work , she does freelance editing and works part time as a chiropractic assistant . She and her husband have two daughters she 's dubbed " the anti - teenagers , " one of whom is also a novelist . ( The other one prefers math . Smart kid . Practical . ) You can learn more about her and her books at www . nataliedamschroder . com . Winner may choose the color . Subject to availability ; comparable substitution to be made if necessary . Shipping in U . S . only . International entries acceptable ; non - U . S . winner will receive alternate prize , to be discussed ) . Investment billionaire Dylan Johns always gets what he wants . He is used to giving orders - not taking them - until he 's forced to go on hiatus from his investment company . To bide his time and carry out an old dream , he takes a job on a cruise ship - and ends up taking orders from his gorgeous , but frigid , new boss . He is determined to loosen her up with a fun onboard romance , but their no - strings fling turns serious and Dylan is forced to confess his lies . When the affair threatens to shatter Michaela 's own career dreams , she finds herself caught between the devil and the deep blue sea . Olivia Brent is happy with her quiet life in the country , until the loss of her home forces her to search for her estranged father . When she meets the stunningly gorgeous and enigmatic billionaire Luc Severino , her world is turned upside down . Jimmy Brent 's daughter was the last person Luc ever wanted to be with , but she 's the key to finding her father , the man Luc has wanted revenge on for over ten years . He 's willing to use any methods available , including blackmail , to persuade Olivia to help him find Jimmy and put the past behind him . And if blackmail doesn 't gain her total cooperation , then perhaps a little seduction will … Blackmailed to marry against his will , Ricardo Almanza needs a wife before he 's thirty , and time is running out . Helen Marshall can 't believe she 's considering Almanza 's outrageous proposal , but she must help clear her parents ' debts or they face financial ruin . The small print on the marriage contract changes to read three months as his wife in every way - including in the bedroom . Has she gotten in too deep , or will she need a new contract addendum , extending their marriage forever ? Dylan smiled at her , a coronary - inducing , thigh - quivering smile . She wanted to throw herself at him , but he stood up . " So , ready for some fun ? " He 'd said it again . Fun . Of course . For a moment , she thought he was going to say something different . That there might be something more between them than a bit of fun . But no , fun was just what she needed . At least for now . Dylan swam over beside her and lay floating on his back . She couldn 't help herself - she ran a hand down his smooth chest . The warm ocean water made his skin silky . She glanced at his face and caught him looking at her , a hot smile on his lips . His hand reached for hers as his feet found the ocean floor , and he pulled her fingers to his mouth . " No . Yes . Sorry for before , but - " She lowered her eyes . " - could we pretend we really are starting again ? And , you know , take everything a little slow ? " At least that way she might be able to retain a modicum of control . " I don 't recall taking anything slowly to start with , " he teased . " But I can try and be slower this time . Although don 't blame me if you 're the one begging me to up the tempo . " Slowly , very slowly , he stroked her chin , turning her face up toward his . The kiss was gentle , a mere breath , and she raised her arms to wrap around his shoulders as he pulled his lips away . Dylan 's arms encircled her waist in return , and they stood , gently buffeted by the movement of the water for just a moment . Oh , man , having fun tasted really good . As one , their heads moved together again . This kiss was luxurious , a deep , easy hello with a hint of the spice that was to follow . When she surfaced , Michaela looked into Dylan 's eyes and smiled . Hello , indeed . As she unwrapped herself from him and went to dive back under the water , he stopped her , his hands firm on her bare stomach . Kiss me , kiss me again . It probably wasn 't a good idea . In fact , it was probably a terrible one , but then what was one more bad idea ? She nodded . " Scotch , " he said . " Quite safe . " He watched , amused , as she swallowed the contents of the glass in one go . " Well , in small quantities . " He took her glass and poured her another . Instead of handing it to her , he placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofa , then sank onto the black leather and patted the seat next to him . Lia hesitated for a moment ; she was starting to feel quite warm , and decided it was probably safe to remove her jacket . She took it off and placed it carefully on top of Luc 's then came around and sat down next to him . He studied her for a few minutes , then he smiled , and suddenly she didn 't feel quite so safe anymore . " Why do you think I brought you here tonight , Lia ? " His voice was dark and smoky , full of sensual promise , and Lia quivered under the onslaught of it against her battered senses . She felt totally off - balance - safe one minute , hovering on the edge of something terrifying the next . The truth was , she didn 't know why he 'd brought her here . Or why he 'd helped her out at the club . So she clung to what she did know . " There 's a job for you here , whatever else happens , though I can 't promise you glamour and excitement . " He slanted her a heavy - lidded look from those stunning eyes . " Well , not in the job anyway . " Lia shook her head . No , to be perfectly honest , it hadn 't even occurred to her . Things like this didn 't happen to her . Kelly told her it was because she positively exuded keep - off vibes in the presence of men . She risked another quick glance and found him still watching her , his eyes deceptively sleepy . " And I think the feeling is mutual . You want me , don 't you , Lia ? " His voice was all dark seduction , oozing softly against her ears , sending quivers down her rigid spine . Her mind went blank , and then started working double speed . Yes , of course , she had wondered about this man - what woman wouldn 't ? He was the most gorgeous male specimen she 'd ever encountered . He was probably going to feature in every single one of her sexual fantasies from this day forward , but all the same , she hadn 't considered anything happening between the two of them . While she 'd never had a one - night anything before , she 'd had boyfriends . Well , boyfriend , singular . They 'd split up after Joe had complained that she spent more time with the horses than she did with him . He 'd given her an ultimatum , and told her it was him or the horses . There 'd been no competition . The sex had been okay , but not enough to change her priorities . That was two years ago , and she hadn 't been tempted since . " So you 've come to your senses . " Ricardo lounged in an armchair on his stepmother 's terrace , his long legs stretched out in the sun . " I thought you 'd put up some resistance for a day or two , but I 'm pleasantly surprised that you 've come round to my idea so quickly . " Helen calmly picked up the glassware on the table and loaded it onto a tray . She was grateful there was no way he could hear how hard her heart was beating . " You 're assuming I came out here specifically to see you and not just to clear away the remains of last night 's cocktail party . Some might call that arrogance . " He looked up from his newspaper and smiled coldly . " Do I assume correctly ? Or is it time to start turning the screw a little ? If I was sensible I 'd start reducing the fee by a hundred thousand for each day you make me wait . " He was silent , and his stern tiger - eye gaze flashed dangerously until she was forced to turn away . Clasping her hands tightly under her armpits , she stared out over the balcony at the panoramic view of Ibiza town below . A blistering heat haze shimmered over the rooftops and the piercing blue sea made her squint . " Cat got your tongue ? " She felt like sandpaper was lining her mouth . " Well , I figure that if I have to marry you , I might as well make it worth my while . I doubt if it will be an experience I 'll want to repeat . In that way I 'm a lot Llike you , a loveless marriage isn 't something that 's ever interested me . " Helen could hardly believe what she was saying . " So we can be quite business - like about the whole thing . I will marry you , in three months it will be annulled , and I will disappear from your life forever . " " Not quite . " His chair scraped back and within seconds she felt his presence close behind her . " You doubled the price . So the small print changes . " " For two million , I want more . A lot more . There will be no annulment . The only way our marriage will end is in divorce . " She felt his large palms close around her shoulders , and a finger began to stroke the soft flesh on the side of her neck . " My inflated ego could never stand the public humiliation of an annulment . Our union will be consummated . " Michele was born in the mid 1970 's amid a burgeoning sprawl of vineyards and new retirement homes . With two teachers as parents , her love of reading and books was cemented at an early age . Being a writer however , was not was she was supposed to do when she ' grew up ' . Despite training in law ( or perhaps because of it ) she has been a dancer , producer , writer , and all round arty type in various countries for most of her life . Moving into writing full time in 2010 was like being a part of a contemporary romance - perfect ! Creating new worlds for her characters , or rather letting those same characters show her their worlds is now a highlight of Michele 's daily life . And falling in love over and over as each hero and heroine allow their true feelings to surface is something very special . What a treat to do it every day ! Now back home in New Zealand after travelling extensively , Michele writes from an office where the sound of the tapping keyboard is only rivalled by the whisper of wind in the trees . Enter the Rafflecopter Giveaway below for a chance to win a $ 20 Amazon or Barnes and Noble gift card ! Think of the books you could get with that ! GIVEAWAY ~
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Posted on March 13 , 2009 by fillyjonk I 'm meeting a woman for lunch today because we both have bags from the same company . I saw her bag , said " nice bag , " and it turned out we worked in the same building and had some other stuff in common . This in itself is amusing , but it 's not even the first time I 've made friends with someone because we had the same bag ! " Nice bag " was the first conversation I had with Cacie , too . ( And don 't even get me started on all the friends I 've brought into the fold . If you also want to make friends , this is the company and I cannot recommend them highly enough . Please don 't buy all the Sprout bags before I convince myself that yes , I do need to have another one even though my one is holding up beautifully . ) I 've also struck up conversations or cemented friendships over having the same combat boots . When I see that someone else with Corcoran field boots on , I feel a sense of kinship - and when I feel a sense of kinship with someone I try to get them to buy Corcs . What do you own or wear that , expectedly or unexpectedly , turned out to make you a member of a community ? What item of clothing or accessory always gets comments ? And what 's the weirdest way you 've made a friend ? 91 thoughts on " Friday Fluff : I see you 've got braces . I have braces too . " Sweet Machine says : March 13 , 2009 at 4 : 47 pm Okay , I was looking to see if YouTube had a clip for the title of this post but I found something EVEN BETTER . Ich bin Cornolio ! ( With apologies to all German - speaking Shapelings . Hearing B & B speak in other languages is kinda mind - blowing to me . ) I do have a Seatbelt Bag that I used to have lots of chats about , " I like your purse , is that made of real seatbelts ? " or the snarky " I like your purse " to someone else who already has one and we both laugh about how everone likes our purse . But after over two years of daily use it retired last fall . ( Still in good condition . ) The temptation to just buy another one is large . I will look at these new bags , and perhaps love one . MissPrism says : March 13 , 2009 at 4 : 56 pm I 've got a palaeontology t - shirt from university which is black with a white trilobite on . It 's now ten years old and fading , but when I wear it there 's a high chance that someone interesting will strike up a conversation . In fact , if I ever found myself single again and wanted to pull another nice nerd boy , I could do no better than to put it on and hang around science museums and observatories . One time , DAVID ATTENBOROUGH not only commented on it but knew what genus of trilobite it was because he is A GOD . In grad school , everyone 's favorite shirt of mine was the one that reads " I hardly study . " I liked to wear it on Sundays when I would spend hours in the grad offices working on various papers . The situational irony was great . Jenny1144 says : March 13 , 2009 at 5 : 04 pm Not quite as , um , successful as your story , but one of my friends started chatting with another girl in the Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris this January because they both had the same sorority bag . Turns out the other girl was just starting a semester abroad , and they were taking the same train out of the airport . My friend , having previously spent a lot of time in France , offered to help her find the station and make sure she caught it , etc . She also assured her that she wouldn 't need to go to the platform more than ten minutes before the train arrived , because that would be plenty of time . Ten minutes before the train left , they got to the platform , but it was the * wrong * platform . And by the time they got to the right one , the train had left . So this poor American girl , who had been in France for all of two hours by this point , missed her train and ended up having to take a bus for twelve hours to catch a connecting train that would get her to the south of France in time to start her program . All because of a happy bag connection . I think my friend still feels guilty about that one … Tricia says : March 13 , 2009 at 5 : 09 pm OMG ! Bags with loooong adjustable straps . Yay ! ! ! I still haven 't forgiven Timbuk2 for shortening their straps . grrrr . These are tough economic times and my hubby lost his job , and we 'll get through it and all but OMG I WANT ONE OF THOSE BAGS ! SO CUTE ! ! ! And I need a bag for summer , right ? Right ? ? ? And maybe i 'll make … business connections with that bag ! friends ! who might hire my husband ! or offer me a better job ! Kirsch says : March 13 , 2009 at 5 : 39 pm Seconding the seatbelt bag phenomenon . I ALWAYS got comments with that thing . I still use it occasionallly , because it really is that indestructible and doesn 't look a day older than when I got it ~ 5 or so years ago . Months later I happened to bring it along with me on the bus for my morning commute . Read one of the essays in it , and started thinking , " Wow , YEAH ! Wow ! YEAH ! That 's so true , oh my gosh ! What a great way and novel way of framing the issue ! It solves so many problems and gets around so many impasses that way . " So I get to work , and I google and email the author , sending what amounts to an academic crush fan letter . He writes back . We start an e - mail conversation . He ends up something of a friend and mentor , for close to two years . Through him I get to know about this one subset of what is now my field . I read more . I find it fascinating . I read yet more . I learn that a certain university in the south is * the * place for that subset . I meet , and briefly date , an old grad school friend of his who is a professor in DC , where I 'm living at the time . I meet the mentor himself , precisely one time , when he 's in town for a conference . I apply to the masters program at the southern university and am accepted . At the southern university I live in a group house / intentional community where I meet my current husband and make some ( so far , anyway ) lifelong friends . I also decide about Ph . D work , etc . etc . Upshot is , there are two people who exist today because I happened to pick that book up . ( Later I heard from someone that what happened was , my mentor 's wife had happened upon all our emails and thought she 'd found evidence of some kind of affair . Apparently he 'd not mentioned me ever . In hindsight , and as a married person with young kids , I 'm better able to make sense of how it all went down and why he acted as he did . At the time it really totally sucked . ) limesarah says : March 13 , 2009 at 6 : 25 pm I have this great lightweight vaguely Indian embroidered jacket that I got at one of those New - Age stores , and I finally dragged it out again at the last sci - fi convention I went to , because I thought hey , I never wear that jacket and it is awesome and that is what cons are for . What seemed like half the con complemented me on it , so obviously I should wear it more often : - ) I also tend to wear my " Friendly Introvert , Please Say Hi " button to cons . It works . The same button - maker also makes an " Available Introvert , Say Hi " button . stalkingsarah says : March 13 , 2009 at 6 : 30 pm I have a large earring collection and it is undoubtedly the thing I get comments on most . Whenever I go to something where I have to make conversation with strangers , I always wear an especially fabulous pair or my all - time favorite necklace . Never fails to start conversation ! Deborah Lipp says : March 13 , 2009 at 6 : 34 pm I am insanely fond of almost every bag Liz Claiborne makes . They 're invariably well - designed with not - too - many , not - too - few pockets , in great colors . And LC donates good money . me too ! I live in a dorm and on numerous occasions I 've had people introduce themselves to me by way of " I love your hair . By the way , I 'm … " I also have had people I 've NEVER SPOKEN TO , EVER randomly ask me " hey , did you change your hair color ? " And I do get a lot of random compliments ( both when it was blue & now that it 's purple ) TropicalChrome says : March 13 , 2009 at 6 : 51 pm I 've never understood the " bag mystique " . I never notice what purse anyone else is carrying , and the only thing I care about for my own is whether it has all the features I require ( at least one outside pocket , two zippered inside pockets , and a strap long enough to go over my elbow so I can hoist it on to my shoulder with one hand - and this is pretty much impossible to find right now ) and that it 's not too beat up . So the fact that people meet over purses has been my surprise of the day . The only thing I wear right now that starts conversations are my shiny purple glasses . They 're a great shape for my face and they 're PURPLE . I love purple . Apparently others do , too , because people smile and ask " are those PURPLE ? " Why yes , yes they are . Colleen says : March 13 , 2009 at 7 : 29 pm My ( or more accurately , my boyfriend 's oft - stolen ) Oregon Trail " You have died of dysentery " shirt has started a couple conversations . But the weirdest way I ever made a friend was about a week before I started high school , the school was hosting a get - to - know - your - classmates pizza dinner . The girl in front of me in line had hair like mine - curly , dark brown , all the way down her back . My mother insisted that I introduce myself to her . Over ten years later , she 's still one of my best friends . And she may be lurking around here somewhere , so , Hi , Chelsea ! RP says : March 13 , 2009 at 7 : 34 pm Most of the comments I get ( not many , since as an introvert I have figured out how to stay mostly invisible , and being a 40ish woman only enhances my powers ) are on my graying hair . I get complements from fellow grayheads , and speculations that I color it this way from others . This thread has me wanting to put some deep blue streaks in amongst the silver bits , though ! OMae says : March 13 , 2009 at 7 : 35 pm Ostara , I too have a " who would jesus bomb " bumper sticker . Living in the south though , not too many pacifists , I do get a couple comments from Quakers and hippies . otherwise I get vaguely dirty looks . : - ) fillyjonk says : March 13 , 2009 at 7 : 37 pm I like their fire engine reds too . Me too ( though nothing has EVER bled onto pillowcases and clothes like Blood Red … Burgundy Wine came close ) , but my feeling is that anyone can do a good red ( that will fade instantly , but they all do ) . Good blues are harder to come by . shinobi42 says : March 13 , 2009 at 7 : 45 pm It 's true , Good Blues are hard . In college I taught my two ( male ) roommates how to dye their hair blue . I had to be very firm with them on their choices of dying product . I did it for them the first time , but , I am not maintaining other people blue hair , it is just too much work ! archdiva says : March 13 , 2009 at 8 : 01 pm In college , I had a long tail ( hey , it was the 80s ) that people identified me by more readily than anything else . Including the time my roommate was mortified to be told by a mutual friend that she had seen me making out with someone ( a bit too vigorously ) in a bar the night before . She identified me by my tail . For 18 or so years I 've been a redhead , so that generates lots of comments , conversations and questions about whether it 's real or not . My favorite : But lately , it 's mostly about my handmade jewelry . Best form of advertising for selling it , too ! In fact , it was all the complements and statements of " you really should sell your stuff " that got me into selling it in the first place … . TropicalChrome says : March 13 , 2009 at 8 : 47 pm shinobi42 , hooray for shiny purple glasses ! < 3 Tricia , I must have missed the long purse strap joy , but I share it ! I do ! And I am very happy there are some longer strapped bags starting to be available again . AnnieF says : March 13 , 2009 at 9 : 04 pm Thirding the love for the seatbelt bags . I get comments really frequently , and occasionally will run into another person with a seatbelt bag . It 's fun . Time - Machine says : March 13 , 2009 at 9 : 41 pm Socks . So many awesome conversations and friendships have started over my many and loud socks that I can 't even begin to tell you . There are stories , even . But I must go , so they must wait . One day I saw a neighbor walking her cat , and reading as the cat moseyed along . Being new to the apartment complex and wanting friends , I struck up a conversation . " Excuse me , I 'd like to learn how to walk my cat on a leash ( really , I wanted to do this ) . Can you give me some pointers ? " The woman snapped book shut , dropped it in her pocket , and said , " I 'd love to ! " We were dear friends for the next 20 years . Weirder still is that when my friend wanted to meet someone I worked with , I offered to set them up . Six months later , I still hadn 't done that . Two years later , I married the guy . My friend and I are no longer speaking , but my husband and I will soon celebrate 19 years together . Miss Conduct says : March 13 , 2009 at 10 : 09 pm I used to have a houndstooth check deerstalker cap like Sherlock Holmes wore . I was in my early 20s , what can I say . It did get a lot of attention . slythwolf says : March 13 , 2009 at 11 : 05 pm I made a close friend in high school geology because her top sekrit pentacle necklace fell out of her shirt . When I pointed at it , she thought I ( like most of the kids at my rural high school ) was going to shout " Witch ! Witch ! Burn her ! " What I actually said was , " Where did you get that ? ! That 's the exact one I want but my mom won 't let me order it from the website I found ! " Gretchen says : March 13 , 2009 at 11 : 17 pm My college pride group made T - shirts that said one of three things : " I 'm not gay , but my friends are " , " I 'm not straight , … " , or both , one on front and one on back . That 's the only text . Mine is the third kind , and bright turquoise ( which happens to be a great color for me ) . I get comments nearly every time - so far , most have been positive . It 's a great conversation starter . A Sarah says : March 13 , 2009 at 11 : 22 pm MacNabb , you 're a redhead with silver streaks and a killer frosting recipe ? hmmm . Is it possible I already know you from a list serve ? ( Er , not a silver - streaked redhead frosting aficionado list , but a Myers Briggs related discussion list ? ) styleygeek says : March 14 , 2009 at 12 : 10 am I was shopping in a supermarket in Denmark once , and talking to my husband in English , when a random guy came up to us and asked based on our accents if we were from New Zealand . We are , and so was he . He noticed that our shopping basket contained tomatoes , onions and spaghetti , and his had mince and red wine , and joked that between us we could make spaghetti bolognese . So that 's exactly what we did ! We went over to his house and cooked dinner companionably with the combination of ingredients we had bought . He only lived half a block from the supermarket ( in one direction ) and so did we ( in the other direction ) , we became great friends , and five years later , with us now living in Australia , we 've had him and his wife visit us here , and have shared a house with his wife 's ( Danish ) sister for a while too . Nia says : March 14 , 2009 at 12 : 19 am What do you own or wear that , expectedly or unexpectedly , turned out to make you a member of a community ? Sadly , nothing . Not even when I had a green fringe . What item of clothing or accessory always gets comments ? The bellydancing hipscarf I embroidered myself . It 's rectangular , black , with red and purple beaded waves . My hair gets a lot of comments too , just because it has a lot of volume naturally and finally , I 'm not afraid of it . In this culture , volume = gypsy = bad . It is stupid because ethnically gypsy women rarely have curly or big hair , but still , the average Spanish woman fears volume in herslef and likes it in other people . And what 's the weirdest way you 've made a friend ? My strangest encounter was in an elevator at work . A woman next to me , who I 'd seen before but didn 't know , started chatting , asking me about my baby and how old , and how sleeping was going , etc . I answered back , going through the whole panic " how do I know this person ? ? ? " in the back of my head . Finally gave in and asked if we 'd met before , and she laughed and said no . I asked how she knew about my baby , and she tilted her head towards my bag and said " I have the same breast pump . " ( It was a Medela , supposed to look like a regular bag - in fact , it looks a lot like the bags linked to in the post ! ) Richelle says : March 14 , 2009 at 1 : 43 am Eee ! Colleen ! Oregon Trail ! Such a key part of my youth . I must admit , though , that I went on a couple of completely unnecessary buffalo - slaying rampages . Also , very embarrassingly , when I shaved my head out of sheer cussedness one day , I got quite a few stories about cancer experiences in the months afterwards . People would just blurt them out before I had a chance to explain , then ask me how I was doing . Since they 'd just told me something very personal and probably painful , I didn 't want to humiliate them , so I 'd say , " It 's okay . " And it was . Because I didn 't have cancer . Poor things . Not sure if this counts , but I like this story . I first saw the other party in what would be my first Epic Relationship in the hall before a college class we had together , reading . I thought to myself something on the order of , " Hm , this is a very attractive young man , and he looks quite intelligent and sensitive , as well . I wonder if that 's how he really is . Let me just sidle up here and take a peek at what he 's reading … OMG ! The Dharma Bums ! I shall pursue this further . " After that , things just sped along ; it was a mere two months later that I actually spoke directly to him . But then , I lived pretty fast in those days . CassandraSays says : March 14 , 2009 at 4 : 25 am For me it 's always gothwear that causes that moment of recognition with strangers . Corsets , elaborate silver jewelry , band shirts , that kind of thing . Goths are like birds , we identify each other by our plumage . Wierdest moment of someone else recognising something I was wearing ever was when I went to see a band , went to shake hands with one of the guitarists and he grabbed my hand , stroked his finger over my thumbnail , grinned and said the name of the other guitarist . Ie . , he realised that my nail polish color was a little nod to the color the other guy used to have his hair dyed . That was pretty funny . Hey , you have nails like my friend 's hair used to be , let 's be friends ! Caroline says : March 14 , 2009 at 11 : 01 am Dreadlocks . I had dreadlocks for two years , and there is this instant bonding that happens when you encounter another dreadie , even if it 's just eye contact and a nod . Other people who didn 't have dreads would approach me and ask me all kinds of questions ( Yes , i wash my hair , no i didn 't use glue … ) . I cut them off over a year ago and i regret it every single day - they were waist length and gorgeous - and i can 't wait til my hair is long enough to put them in again . As for the weirdest way I 've made friends with someone : Lo , those many years ago when I first discovered the joys of the internet via AOL , I 'd been chatted up by some random HNG who claimed to like fat girls . We 'd exchanged photos , and the conversation was OK , but nothing earth - shattering . Eventually the chatting petered out . BTW , the photos I 'd send him were of the sort - of - racy variety , but no nudity . Later , I got an email from him . In it , he cruelly mocked me and all the other women who were CCed on the email , and told us he was going to post our photos on a website he was creating just to make fun of fat women who had the temerity to think we were sexy and worthy of a man 's attention . Of course it was hurtful and I was angry about it . So were the other women , as we all learned when several of us emailed the others who had been CCed . This is how I met Amanda . We kept in touch and became friends . And way back when I was still using ICQ , someone sent me a random message saying " I know you 're cheating on your boyfriend . " I replied back that I was actually dating a girl . We kept in touch for a couple of years . Karen says : March 14 , 2009 at 1 : 00 pm To an outsider , this probably looked normal : meet girl on college tour for accepted students , request to room together , be friends . But the internal logic left … . something to be desired . It went like this : " OMG , I can 't wait to go to college and finally be out of the closet . Hey , that girl is wearing a bandana on her head ! I bet she 's friendly towards queer folks ! Let 's make friends ! " Why bandana = queer - friendly , I have NO idea . It was high school logic . But , to my credit , I was totally right , we liked the same music , and we 're still friends 9 years later . SugarLeigh says : March 14 , 2009 at 4 : 02 pm I 'm so glad I saw this today ! It makes me feel so much better ! Yesterday I had to deal with a lecture on how I 'm " too friendly " and it 's dangerous , and I need to stop striking up conversations with strangers , and it was wrong to answer the guy at the fast - food window with " fine thanks , and you ? " when he asked how I was , etc … If you hadn 't guessed from that little rant , I make friends in weird ways ALL THE TIME . I have some really great conversations as a result of random contact with people who happen to be in my vicinity . Sure , I get in trouble sometimes too , but nothing dangerous ( so far , knock on wood ! ) and I do actually have a set of , you know , instincts , and I listen to them . I even learn some valuable things from the not - so - nice people , actually . At any rate I wouldn 't trade my ability to make people feel at ease for anything . It 's part of who I am . No , seriously , I envy you the ability to make friends with random strangers . It 's not so much a part of who I am , but I know several people like that and I 've always admired them for that . Maybe I should take some tips from this thread and wear more remarkable clothing / accessories so that the strangers will start the conversations for me . Though one time I was in Taco Bell at like , midnight , because I hadn 't had dinner and I didn 't feel like cooking , and because I assumed I 'd be out for ten minutes tops , I was wearing pajama pants , a sweatshirt , and my Minnetonka boots ( which are these leather - and - lambskin clunky fuzzy numbers , not exactly style but so warm and cozy and worth every penny in MI winters ! ) . Some guy was in front of me in the line , and he turned , and smiled , so I smiled back , and we exchanged pleasantries , and he said , " so , you wanna go do something ? " And I was like , " what , you mean now ? " and so we walked across the street and played pool . I hung out and talked with him for a couple hours . He taught me a few things about hate . I learned that it doesn 't do me any good to feel hate towards people I 've never met , not even people who hold beliefs I find objectionable , because , well … it didn 't happen in a vacuum . Here was a guy who was , well , pretty reprehensible really , but he was also clearly hurting , and raised in an environment where he was able to nurture these wicked notions unchecked . I couldn 't have hated him even had I wanted to , I was too busy feeling sad that people can get that way . I was glad I took the time to listen to someone who knew he was being horrible but was begging for someone to listen to him anyway . Not something I 'd do on a regular basis mind , but … if even someone with a wicked heart can reach out to someone else , it means he still HAS a heart . I hope someday , something is strong enough to REACH it , but in the meantime I hope I can be an advocate for the things I believe in in a better way , because I know more about what I 'm fighting and why . emmy says : March 14 , 2009 at 7 : 09 pm I get comments on my handbags as well . Because my mother loves to give me wacky bags for Christmas . So , I 've had many conversations with strangers about them , as I rotate them in and out of circulation . I have Bessie the sequined cow , the one made of leather cutout monkeys , and now The Toad . http : / / www . mcphee . com / items / 11441 . html Yes , I actually carry a bag shaped like a toad . When I have to pretend to be a grownup , I carry my metallic purple Kathy Van Zeeland bag with all the sparkly shit dangling off of it . It 's a few seasons old , though , so it 's not on her website anymore . I 'm surprised by how many teenage girls are crazy about that purse . I didn 't know I was trendy ! Kitty L says : March 14 , 2009 at 9 : 06 pm I 'm pretty introverted , so I love to stock my wardrobe with Conversation Starters ( TM ) to give me a boost . I don 't think I 'll ever grow out of my love for witty / cute / fangirly t - shirts . Sometimes this method of connecting with others fails me , though . I have this Dr . Horrible shirt that I have worn to bookstores , coffee shops , and other promising places and been shocked and saddened by the TOTAL LACK OF RECOGNITION DAMMIT . Having just ONE stranger come up and comment on it has become a cherished dream of mine . Probably the best story I have relating to meeting - through - accessories , though , is how I met my husband . We were in high school ; I was a sophomore , he was a freshman . He turned my head as soon as I saw him stalking quietly through the halls , dressed all in black with a dirty blond ponytail , wire - rimmed glasses , and a giant ankh necklace . One day I managed to get behind him in the cafeteria line and complimented him on his necklace ( although he argues that I actually commented on his shirt ) ; he complimented me on the buttons I had on my backpack or something ; and the rest became history . < 3 My nerdy t - shirt collection includes Trogdor and Harry and the Potters ( the Save Ginny shirt in green , in case anyone 's curious ) . I can 't recall anyone actually commenting on one of them , but I still hold out hope . Other nerdy t - shirts I have seen and coveted include XKCD shirts , shirts that say " it 's all greek to me " in latin , and the one that says " And God said [ long string of physics equations ] and there was light . " The last two are particularly ironic in their nerdiness since I am not a physicist , and I don 't speak any Greek or Latin . What can I say ? I 'm a poser . : ) You have GOT to be kidding me . Seriously . It 's not wrong , it 's basic human politeness in my book . I always answer such a question in a very similar fashion and fully intend to go on doing so . nonegiven ( or anyone else ) : I don 't know if you 're looking for another copy of that shirt , but there are three Maxwell 's Equations shirts at Pegasus Publishing , two of which are available in larger sizes . Disclaimer : I 've bought shirts from them at science fiction conventions and liked them , but I 'm not associated with them and can 't speak to mail ordering from them since I haven 't . Diane says : March 15 , 2009 at 1 : 14 am I 've bonded over Perlina purses ( I 've carried one of two bags for the last 8 years and just finally broke down and bought a new one ) . Got into an interesting discussion once that started with Perlina and traveled over to compare / contrast society 's treatment of women with anorexia ( co - worker ) and obesity ( me ) . I 've bonded over cute shoes ( when I could wear them ) and Birkenstocks . The " accessory " though that got me into the most conversations leading to friendship was appearing in public with my twins when they were young . Disclaimer : no , I don 't think kids are a fashion statement : - ) , just going with the theme . Sara A says : March 15 , 2009 at 6 : 00 am Most of the time when someone randomly decides to befriend me it has more to do with the fact that I wear my naturally curly hair naturally curly . I find it to be a barometer of open - mindedness : people who talk to me generally are more accepting of other people and people who don 't are generally more conforming . It 's a weird thing because it 's such a little thing : the decision not to spend an extra hour of my life to conform to what society thinks I should look like . If I 'm fat I might as well show I 'm trying by wearing makeup and straightening my hair , right ? I credit my hair with helping me to get such a group of loudmouthed multicultural women for my friends . Aurora Erratic says : March 15 , 2009 at 9 : 28 am I wear hats often , which glean me compliments . I 'm surprised how many women say , " Oh , I can 't wear hats ! " It 's not that hard . What they mean , of course , is that they don 't think they look good in them , but I think almost everybody does . The tricky part is finding hats that just look like accessories instead of costumery . You don 't want the hat to be wearing YOU . CassandraSays says : March 15 , 2009 at 10 : 28 am SugarLeigh - since when is being friendly wierd or unwise ? The way I see it , why not be friendly ? Of course if it 's not your personality or you 're not in the mood then it shouldn 't be obligatory , but for me it brightens my day as well as other people 's to actually acknowledge people when they talk to me , smile at them etc . It bugs me how acceptable it is to treat people in customer service positions like coffee / gas / food / bus ride home dispensing robots . A few months ago I went into a Chinese restuarant I hadn 't been to in a while ( used to work near there , don 't any more ) and the first thing I heard from the waiter was " hey , where have you been ? " . And then I got to hear all about his wife 's trip to China to introduce the kids to her grandparents , and commiserate about how the bad economy is affecting both of our businesses , and so on . And you know , that never would have happened if I wasn 't in the habit of answering questions like " how are you ? " with " not bad , how are you ? hey , you cut your hair , … " A Sarah says : March 15 , 2009 at 12 : 49 pm @ AuroraErratic - If you ever feel like taking on a potential - hat - wearer charity case , may I volunteer ? I 'd love to wear hats but I have no eye for style and I have a very large head to boot . Do you know any sources for women 's hats that fit very large heads and don 't cost upwards of a hundred dollars ? I would love to wear hats . They always make me smile . volcanista says : March 15 , 2009 at 1 : 57 pm You 're a paleontologist ? ? Did I know that already ? I 'm so forgetful ! archidothiki says : March 15 , 2009 at 4 : 21 pm honestly , my leg / pit hair . it sounds silly , but i 've met quite a few girl - types who i 've been making small talk with and then they notice my legs ( i wear skirts year - round , though this usually happens in warmer weather ) and are all ' you don 't shave ? that 's awesome ! ' and sometimes pull up their pant legs and show me theirs . Alice says : March 16 , 2009 at 12 : 18 am Oh , Fillyjonk ! I 've been going along happily with my 7 ″ Record truckette for years now , but I 'm sorely , sorely tempted by the black sprout truckette . Why couldn 't the brown have cute leaf colors ? Then I could ' justify ' it . : ) The truckette has started a few conversations , though hasn 't sparked any friendships . I 'm an extrovert / introvert hybrid , though , so don 't make too many on - the - fly friendships . Having moved again recently , though , I figure I 'll need to start changing that … Harriet Warmer says : March 16 , 2009 at 3 : 03 pm My daughter gave me a faux Coach bag one Christmas , and it 's sturdy and a handy size so I use it for everything . I 'm surprised by how many people have commented on what a great bag it is . Sometimes I fess up that it 's Foach , but sometimes that would make the complimenter feel funny so I just nod and smile benignly and try to comport myself like a woman who has hundreds of dollars to spend on accessories ! ! ChloeMireille says : March 17 , 2009 at 2 : 44 pm It 's always about my hair . Always . It 's not long at all , but it 's ridiculously thick , and thus , huge . No one ever wants to touch it , but I get asked a lot of questions about how the hell I manage to comb it . The conversation tends to evolve from there . Liza says : April 19 , 2009 at 2 : 07 am I know this post is , like , ancient . But I had to pop back in and say how ashamed I am that I knew I recognized the title from somewhere but I had to actually Google it to find out it was Beavis and Butthead Do America . * hangs head * At least I can say that as soon as I saw that , I remembered pretty much the whole scene … Butthead hitting on Chelsea Clinton , if I remember correctly . Then I remembered that I went to see it in theaters with my entire family - parents included . I was probably like 12 .
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Welcome to another coffee date Friday ! I 've missed you . Today , I 'm sharing some current faves that I 'm loving and have been using lately . Coffee Date Aug 30 2013 from Andrea Worley on Vimeo . { In Progress } House Tour If you 've ever wondered about what my house looks like today is your lucky day . I haven 't shown you a house tour since I showed you pictures of it blank and bare right when we first moved in . See part 1 , part 2 , part 3 and part 4 . So today I 'm excited to show you around and take you on a little video tour of my downstairs . Here we go ! In Progress Downstairs House Tour Fall 2013 from Andrea Worley on Vimeo . When we were in the hospital for the first time when I gave birth to Ava , I remember those first few seconds they put her on my chest and Orion and I sat there and just starred and cried at this little miracle . So overwhelmed with love and all kinds of emotions as first time parents . Those few days we spent in the hospital were spent soaking up every moment as new parents . When we got home and started to settle into life with a newborn , everyday I couldn 't help but feel overwhelmed with love for this little one . And in those first few weeks of Ava 's life , I started to have this revelation of what the Father 's love for us his children must be like . I 've been following Christ for much of my life , I have felt his goodness and love in my life several times . But , it wasn 't until I had children of my own that I feel like I could really understand and grasp his love for us . He still is there , waiting for us to run to him with open arms . Just like the father was there to greet the prodigal son when he returned . God is always there for us . The Bible is overflowing with scriptures about love , about his love for us and how we should love others . God 's greatest commandment is love . Just as the Father has loved me , I have also loved you ; abide in My love . John 15 : 9 If we do , think and respond with an attitude of love towards one another how much better would love areas be ? Responding to my children in love when I 'm correcting them instead of anger or frustration . Thinking with attitudes of love towards my husband even when I do not always feel like it . Nurturing realtionships with friends in love . But God , being rich in mercy , because of His great love with which He loved us . Eph 2 : 4 Life is not always perfect , neither are we . But , daily come back to HIS love for you . Let HIS love for you overflow out of your heart , have an attitude of love and see it begin to change your perspective and how you respond in your own life . I encourage you today , and challenge you and myself to this week think about how you can express love to others , to your family and in your life . How much has the Father loved us , that we should pour out love to others around us . Posted by Three Helpful Tips for Weight Loss ! Hi Friends ! Today , I want to share with you some helpful tips and things that I 've learned being on this journey to lose weight and become a healthier version of myself . I know you want a quick fix , I know you want me to reveal to you this magic potion that will make you skinny and all your fat dissapear . I know , I wanted that too . But , the truth is that losing weight and creating a better life is WORK ! I 've literally been working my butt off these last few months in order to see results . And here 's the truth you just have to start . You have to start somewhere , so why not start today . These are just my thoughts and things that have helped me in losing 50 + pounds thus far . First thing , these are besides exercise . You can not expect to lose weight if you 're not moving your body . So these tips are beyond that . 1 . A Positive Attitude You won 't start anything new if you have already defeated yourself before you start . The biggest part in working out is pushing yourself through those mental blocks so that you can push yourself through the physical ones . When I started working out I was out of shape , couldn 't do half of the things Jillian ( 30 Day Shred ) wanted me to do but you know what ? I kept going . I kept an open mind and decided that I wanted to do this , that I needed to do this for my body and so that I could live the best life for my family and children . A positive attitude makes all the difference when you start . Setting goals for yourself helps to keep you motivated . And you need to stay motivated if you 're going to keep going . I don 't know what your goals are , they can be big or they can be small . When I started the only goal I had was to lose the 32 pounds that I 'd gained with baby # 2 . Once I hit that goal I re evaluated where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do with my lifestyle . So I set new goals to help keep me motivated . Once I reached a goal I also set a reward for myself . When I could no longer fit into any of my jeans I rewarded myself with going shopping for new ones . Setting small and big goals has helped me stay motivated and it can help you too . Give up your sugary drinks , your soda and stay hydrated . Most of the time when we 're " hungry " or craving something it 's our bodies way of telling us were de hydrated , especially if we 've already had a meal . So if you 've already had a meal before you reach for the cookie drink a glass of water and see if you 're still hungry or having those cravings . Aim to drink at least a gallon of water a day , or half your body weight in ounces of water daily . I drink water all the time ! Very rarely these days do I drink anything else , unless I 'm out with some friends I may treat myself to a Dr . Pepper but in moderation . Drinking water will help flush out your system and aid in your weight loss . I 'm excited to be on the official launch team for the book Let Hope In by Pete Wilson . If you 've been reading this blog for any amount of time you may remember my review of his first book Plan B . You can read the review here if you 'd like . I truly believe that God used the words in Plan B to transform my perspective about my current circumstances at the time , and since then it 's had a lasting impact on my life . I 'm excited to be sharing with you over the next couple weeks the launch of his latest book Let Hope In . Over the next couple weeks I 've got some fun and exciting things I 'll be rolling out to help promote this book and share stories of HOPE that God has given myself and others in my life . Can 't wait to share with you all ! If you 're a party / event minded person like myself I 'm sure you 've heard of my next blogger as well . Kim from The TomKat Studio , she 's one of my fave party gals . I discovered her blog about 3 years ago via Project Nursery . I quickly fell in love with her blog , and her shop full of party goodies as well . I 've ordered from her shop for the last 3 birthday parties , if you want to add some adorable party stuff to your next little ones party check out her shop . I 've had the pleasure of meeting Kim several times , as she lives here locally in Phoenix and she 's always the sweetest . I love her go get ' em attitude and her work ethic , she inspires me as a mom and business owner . Check out Kim 's answers below . Happy Monday folks ! Let 's get to it . In an effort to get to know each other better , here 's 20 things you should probably know about me . Mmmkay ? Here goes ! I used to have a cat when I was a kid , her name was Nancy . As in Kerrigan . Which brings me to my next thing , I used to be obsessed with figure skating . Now I 'm just slightly obsessed . I come from a BIG family , a blended family . I have 4 four siblings plus 3 step siblings . And that 's just my immediate family , let 's not even get into my 20 + cousins . But , I love it and wouldn 't want life any other way . My nickname is " Annie . " My little brother gave me this name when he was around 3 or 4 because he couldn 't say Andrea . It stuck . Mostly my family uses this nickname , especially my Mom . I 'm an Auntie . I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew . They call me " Aunt Annie . " The Hubby and I have been married for 6 years and moved 5 times to different houses and apartments within this time frame . You might call us gypsies . . . . I kid . I have one sister and we 're 11 months apart in age . She 's older . For one month since my birthday is before hers we 're the same age . It 's pretty awesome sauce ! My first job ever was working for a local trucking company filing delivery receipts after school . I made $ 5 . 50 and hour and thought I was rich ! I started competing in pageants when I was 16 years old . I learned a lot from this process and to this day have such a deep appreciate and love for the Miss America Organization . The first blog I ever got hooked on was She 's Star Crossed . She made me want to start my own blog . My favorite candy is Hot Tamales followed by Reese Pieces . My favorite food is my Mama 's Enchiladas . Ok , now it 's your turn ! Quick tell me 5 things about yourself . Or if you have a post like this leave a link in the comments so I can come learn about you . Posted by If we were having coffee today , this is what I 'd tell you . You guys , last night I started the Couch to 5K program ( # C25K ) . I 'm not a runner but after doing 3 months of shredding with Jillian and only occasionally running I decided I want to run . Let me tell you for most of my life I 've had a hate relationship with running . My best friend tried to get me to run when we were in high school . Didn 't happen . When Orion and I were first married we had a gym and for like a week I was a runner and then I went back to hating it ! Moral here , I hate to run . I 'd rather poke my eyes out . But , sometimes if you want to reach your goals you have to push yourself further than you 've been . Step out of your comfort zone and try new things . Embrace new things . Love what you hate . While I was running last night I had this moment of clarity as I was running I just kept thinking our bodies we 're made to do this . God made our bodies to work for us and not against us . But we fuel our bodies with crap making it so we can 't do anything with our kids without feeling winded . Our society tells us we can eat crap and we believe these lies ! I don 't know what it is , but it seems like Zane is growing so fast . Oh wait , yes I do . Could it be the fact he 's teething 4 teeth all at the same time ? Or the fact that he 's hit just about every milestone earlier than Ava ever did ? He 's about to turn 8 months old in just a couple days and my head is spinning at how fast he 's been growing . And if I 'm being honest it 's making my mama heart a little sad . It has me humming Taylor Swift 's ' Don 't you ever grow up " in my head all day long . He started crawling at six months . Sat up on his own at seven months and within a a few days of that , next thing I knew he was pulling himself up all on his own . Now , he just crawls over to something he wants to pull himself up on . He 's hardly crawling at all just pulling himself up onto things . The days are long but the years are short . Oh how this is ringing so true for my season of life right now . When I 'm waking up 2 - 3 times in the night still I try to remind myself of this simple yet true statement . Babies grow and change so fast , Zane is no exception . It makes me just a teeny bit sad . Especially when I think about weather or not we 'll have any more children . If not , and he 's my last baby it starts to make me really sad . And then I need to remind myself even more to enjoy and live in the moment that we have now . When you have only one child to attend to and think about I think you don 't feel as rushed . Now that we have two children that are at vastly different stages in life it 's so hard , I feel like time is wizzing by me . Ava is three and so full of life , energy and spunk . Zane is experiencing everything for the first time and I want to soak in and linger on those moments too . When the sun sets and the day is done , I try to remind myself of these small moments that we had during the day . The moments that won 't happen again . Things that were said won 't be said again . Cute things Ava said through out the day , I write them down in my journal and tuck them away in my heart . When I 'm rocking Zane at 11 pm and then again at 3 in the morning I 'm remembering that these moments won 't last long , even though while in the midst it seems as if they will never end . They will grow up . They are growing . Even though they don 't listen to me when I tell them not to . ; ) When I made the decision to change my lifestyle and make healthier choices I knew I needed to start somewhere , small changes led to big changes in my life . Sometimes we don 't always know where to start , but start small and start somewhere and see where it takes you . ( you can read part 1 here ) At the point where I decided to make some lifestyle changes I 'd already lost the 32 pounds that I 'd gained during my second pregnancy . Bringing me to my pre pregnancy weight of 158 pounds . I knew that I was over weight and that things needed to change . I 'll be honest and say that first month after deciding to make a change , I didn 't start working out . I started changing my eating habits , I started by writing down every last single thing that I was eating in a journal . I wanted to start seeing what I was putting in my mouth . It helped me to see it all written down and evaluate what things I could go without , what things were high in sugar and in fat . Also during this time I discovered that Zane had an aversion to dairy . He was spitting up horribly after every feeding and I couldn 't figure out why . After talking to a couple mama friends they suggested cutting out dairy and seeing if that would clear it up . Cut out dairy ? How could I do that ? All the things I love cheese , milk , yogurt . . . did I mention cheese ? They were all dairy . I 'll be honest and say that the first week was really hard and I fell off the wagon a few times . But by week two I was doing better with this and Zane was not spitting up anymore , he was a much happier baby . This gave me the motivation to keep going with that for him . He was miserable , having horrible crying fits at night . After cutting out dairy for two weeks he was not having any of these issues any more . After 1 month I 'd already lost 10 pounds . I couldn 't believe it 10 pounds just with changing my eating habits ; cutting out sugar and watching what I eat . Which meant a lot of portion control , not eating after 9 pm . Month two ; I started working out . I knew I was going to need to start moving my body if I was going to loose the rest of the weight I wanted . I also knew that working out needed to fun and attainable for me or I wouldn 't stick with it . I pulled out my DVD of Jillian Michael 's 30 Day Shred and blew the dust off of it . I popped it in and started level 1 that day . Horribly out of shaped , during that 20 minutes I thought I was going to die more than once . One day turned into six days and by the end of the first week I was feeling better and sleeping better . Now I switch up between doing 30 Day Shred everyday and a cardio dance DVD . I also run every now and then as well . Even when it 's 112 outside I hit the pavement right in my neighborhood . I 've never been a runner , actually I 've always hated it . Now , it 's getting easier for me . It 's still really hard and most times I want to quit but I don 't ! I keep going , because I 'm seeing results and I 'm feeling better than I have in years . Now after 3 almost four months I 've lost 21 pounds . Bringing my total weight loss to 53 pounds to date . It 's so exciting to see hard work , sweat and determination pay off in my fitness goals . I won 't say that it has been easy , but it is getting easier . When I hit my goals it 's so awesome , it 's made me want to make new ones . And this change has truly become a lifestyle change . I hope to share more on that in part three , more on how my changes have affected my family and how it 's made all of us better for our health . Thank you for all your kind words on my previous fitness post . Mom , you are enough . Being a mother is like being in a whole different kind of culture . And you don 't really understand motherhood exactly until you become one yourself . Within that beautiful thing we call motherhood comes joy , happiness , struggle , and lots of other feelings that I could go on and on about . Just like anything in life motherhood has its highs and lows . It dawned on me this week that , we 've lived here in Phoenix for four years now . Four years . Wow , those four years have gone by fast . We moved here just four short years ago , I was newly pregnant with Ava it was the beginning of August and so hot outside . I never wanted to move to Phoenix . Sure , I 'd lived in Arizona before Orion and I got married for a short time but Phoenix was never on the radar . I was in love with Northern Arizona where I spent some years growing up . No , Phoenix was certainly not on the list . God has pleasantly surprised me the last four years . This was a huge move for Orion and I , and back in 2009 it was just us , newly pregnant with Ava when we moved across the country and made Arizona home . It took a long time for this place to feel like " home " now four years later we 're building a life with our children and that is so good . It 's hard , some days are easier than others but that is why I am so thankful for our friendships here . Because they have become family to us . The friends that welcome us into their home for Thanksgiving and other holidays we 're so greatful . We 're thankful for a church and Pastors that care about us . Those two things alone make living so far away easier on my heart and spirit . Becoming a Mom Times Two . This time last year I was pregnant with Zane , house hunting , and trying not to lose my ever loving mind trying to potty train Ava . My pregnancy with Zane went by in the blink of an eye , I had all the grand plans of documenting every month in pictures with Ava by my side and doing all sorts of things but in the craziness that was our lives last Fall a lot of those things fell to the way side and sleep and trying to make sure things were in order in our lives took priority . I remember blogging about my different pregnancies . It shouldn 't have come as any surprise to me that these two kiddos of mine would be different after having such a different pregnancy experience . Even my birthing experience with baby # 2 was so different . I didn 't know how this new baby would change me , I didn 't even know that it would change my mothering but it has . On one hand a lot of the things that gave me anxiety as a first time mom didn 't the second time around . There was a bit of confidence in my step knowing that some of these emotions , milestones and situations I 'd already been through and knew exactly what to do and how I felt about it . My son is now almost 8 months old and he 's still not sleeping through the night . I just started " sleep training " him last week . I 've shed more tears in the last few months than I think I have in a couple years . It has been hard , there have been lots of tears shed . There has been moments of frustration and pure exhaustion . But , there have also been sweet moments that I know I 'll never get back . Moments when Ava looks at Zane and tells my how much she loves him . And I love how she calls him " her baby . " And when I 'm sitting there in the middle of the night in the dark rocking my son and trying to calm him down I remind myself that this hard thing I 'm going through is just a season . My encouragement is that I know this will not last forever ( I tell myself this daily too ) . Sure , it 's very hard right now but it will not be forever . So in these moments I try to keep my perspective on this . And let myself off the hook a little bit and know that I 'm still trying to find my way and that 's ok . Today 's 5 Questions comes from blogger turn real life friend ! Tamarria is the editor & blogger behind The Believing Woman ; a Christian womens ' blog . I love her heart to encourage other women , and her friendship has been an encouragement to me in my own life . Fast forward a few decades , and everything comes back . Now my own little is wearing her own jellies and probably thinking that very same thing . In fact , she was so excited when she opened the mail and found her hot pink jellies inside . I 'm excited to finally share with you Zane 's completed nursery ! His room has been completed for the most part for a few months . There were just some finishing touches I wanted to add before I showed it to everyone . When we found out that we were having a boy I knew somehow I wanted to encorporate my Husband 's love for the Oklahoma Sooners into our baby 's room decor . However , I didn 't want it to be all football themed in every corner . I dreamed up a mood board of reds , creams and neutral colored walls with hints of red and football . See the original mood board here . I love how it turned out , I can 't wait to take you on a tour ! Let 's go ! This is the view from the doorway . When we moved into our new home and finally got furniture in , the room ended up being to small to add the dresser I wanted . Instead we used the furniture that was in Ava 's nursery . Someday we 'll add the dresser when there 's no longer a need for the changing table . curtains & rug : Ikea Above Zane 's closet is a banner that was made by a friend and hung at my baby shower . I brought it home that day knew that I wanted to use it in his room . I decided to hang it above the closet , I love that it was handmade by a friend and is something personal in the nursery decor . The crib skirt and the quilt are two of my faves of the whole room . They really are huge focal points and add so much to this room . The fabric was one of the first things I picked out for the room , I knew I wanted something red and you can 't go wrong with chevron . The quilt was a gift from a former co worker who made this for me . I came into work one day to find it on my desk , it 's such a beautiful piece to have in his room and a wonderful reminder of a great friendship . The glider and ottoman are just on the opposite wall . I made the pillow with some of the leftover fabric I had on hand . glider : Babies R US This little shelf is one of my faves in the room . Above it sits one of Zane 's newborn photos that I took . One the shelf I placed a few of my Husband 's personal football items . The mini helmet is my husband 's that he 's had forever that was just sitting in a box of personal items . It now sits on the shelf and had a permanent home . shelf : Lowes I wanted to display some of the children 's books we have , since Ava we 've accumulated a ton of books . I wanted to display a few of them and create a little toy nook in the corner of the room . Ava was a little hesitant to " give " her brother some of " her " books but it was a good lesson in sharing . ; ) I shared with you already the gallery wall I put together for the room , I love how this came together . Below it sits the changing table and the canvas bins I re did . They hold all sorts of baby things in each bin . I love the idea of numbered bins , my interpretation of the numbers on a football field . hamper : Babies R Us Just a few more details of the room . The big " Z " was a paper mache letter from JoAnn 's that I spray painted red and hung on the wall . I had so much fun creating this nursery for our sweet little boy . I love seeing him in his room , and I love creating rooms for our little ones . I love everything about this room , but if I had to pick a favorite thing it would probably have to be the gallery wall . It was so fun collecting all those elements . Thank you for letting me take you on a little tour today . Posted by All of the images and content are copyright and courtesy of Worley House unless otherwise noted . Please do not copy or re post with out our permission . If you would like to re post pictures or content please email me , and include links back to this blog .
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> Chapter The Fifty - Fifth . The Signs Of The End . Chapter The Fifty - Fifth . The Signs Of The End . THE servant , appearing the next morning in Anne 's room with the breakfast tray , closed the door with an air of mystery , and announced that strange things were going on in the house . Extricated from the confusion in which she involved it , the girl 's narrative amounted in substance to this . She had been startled by the sudden appearance of her mistress in the passage , staring about her wildly , like a woman who had gone out of her senses . Almost at the same moment " the master " had flung open the drawing - room door . He had caught Mrs . Dethridge by the arm , had dragged her into the room , and had closed the door again . After the two had remained shut up together for more than half an hour , Mrs . Dethridge had come out , as pale as ashes , and had gone up stairs trembling like a person in great terror . Some time later , when the servant was in bed , but not asleep , she had seen a light under her door , in the narrow wooden passage which separated Anne 's bedroom from Hester 's bedroom , and by which she obtained access to her own little sleeping - chamber beyond . She had got out of bed ; had looked through the keyhole ; and had seen " the master " and Mrs . Dethridge standing together examining the walls of the passage . " The master " had laid his hand upon the wall , on the side of his wife 's room , and had looked at Mrs . Dethridge . And Mrs . Dethridge had looked back at him , and had shaken her head . Upon that he had said in a whisper ( still with his hand on the wooden wall ) , " Not to be done here ? " And Mrs . Dethridge had shaken her head . He had considered a moment , and had whispered again , " The other room will do ! won 't it ? " And Mrs . Dethridge had nodded her head - - and so they had parted . That was the story of the night . Early in the morning , more strange things had happened . The master had gone out , with a large sealed packet in his hand , covered with many stamps ; taking his own letter to the post , instead of sending the servant with it as usual . On his return , Mrs . Dethridge had gone out next , and had come back with something in a jar which she had locked up in her own sitting - room . Shortly afterward , a working - man had brought a bundle of laths , and some mortar and plaster of Paris , which had been carefully placed togThe right interpretation was not easy to discover . Anne dismissed the girl with a little present and a few kind words . Under other circumstances , the incomprehensible proceedings in the house might have made her seriously uneasy . But her mind was now occupied by more pressing anxieties . Blanche 's second letter ( received from Hester Dethridge on the previous evening ) informed her that Sir Patrick persisted in his resolution , and that he and his niece might be expected , come what might of it , to present themselves at the cottage on that day . " I don 't think , darling , you have any idea of the interest that you have roused in my uncle . Although he has not to reproach himself , as I have , with being the miserable cause of the sacrifice that you have made , he is quite as wretched and quite as anxious about you as I am . We talk of nobody else . He said last night that he did not believe there was your equal in the world . Think of that from a man who has such terribly sharp eyes for the faults of women in general , and such a terribly sharp tongue in talking of them ! I am pledged to secrecy ; but I must tell you one other thing , between ourselves . Lord Holchester 's announcement that his brother refuses to consent to a separation put my uncle almost beside himself . If there is not some change for the better in your life in a few days ' time , Sir Patrick will find out a way of his own - - lawful or not , he doesn 't care - - for rescuing you from the dreadful position in which you are placed , and Arnold ( with my full approval ) will help him . As we understand it , you are , under one pretense or another , kept a close prisoner . Sir Patrick has already secured a post of observation near you . He and Arnold went all round the cottage last night , and examined a door in your back garden wall , with a locksmith to help them . You will no doubt hear further about this from Sir Patrick himself . Pray don 't appear to know any thing of it when you see him ! I am not in his confidence - - but Arnold is , which comes to the same thing exactly . You will see us ( I mean you will see my uncle and me ) to - morrow , in spite of the brute who keeps you under lock and key . Arnold will not accompany us ; he is not to be trusted ( he owns it himself ) to control his indignation . Courage , dearest ! There are two people in the world to whom you are inestimably precious , and who are determined not to let your happiness be sacrificed . I am one of them , and ( for Heaven 's sake keep this a secret also ! ) Sir Patrick is the other . " " He is seriously ill , " answered Mr . Speedwell . " I should not otherwise have troubled you with this interview . It is a matter of professional duty to warn you , as his wife , that he is in danger . He may be seized at any moment by a paralytic stroke . The only chance for him - - a very poor one , I am bound to say - - is to make him alter his present mode of life without loss of time . " " Setting that aside , " proceeded the surgeon , " there are two preventive measures which I feel bound to suggest . Mr . Delamayn is evidently suffering ( though he declines to admit it himself ) from mental anxiety . If he is to have a chance for his life , that anxiety must be set at rest . Is it in your power to relieve it ? " " The second caution that I have to give you , " he said , " is to keep him from drinking spirits . He admits having committed an excess in that way the night before last . In his state of health , drinking means literally death . If he goes back to the brandy - bottle - - forgive me for saying it plainly ; the matter is too serious to be trifled with - - if he goes back to the brandy - bottle , his life , in my opinion , is not worth five minutes ' purchase . Can you keep him from drinking ? " " I understand , " he said . " I will see his brother on my way home . " He looked for a moment at Anne . " You are far from well yourself , " he resumed . " Can I do any thing for you ? " The surgeon took his leave . Anne hurried back up stairs , before Geoffrey could re - enter the cottage . To see the man who had laid her life waste - - to meet the vindictive hatred that looked furtively at her out of his eyes - - at the moment when sentence of death had been pronounced on him , was an ordeal from which every finer instinct in her nature shrank in horror . Hour by hour , the morning wore on , and he made no attempt to communicate with her , Stranger still , Hester Dethridge never appeared . The servant came up stairs to say goodby ; and went away for her holiday . Shortly afterward , certain sounds reached Anne 's ears from the opposite side of the passage . She heard the strokes of a hammer , and then a noise as of some heavy piece of furniture being moved . The mysterious repairs were apparently being begun in the spare room . It suggested , on this occasion , a new consideration to her . Did the strong measures which Sir Patrick had taken in secret indicate alarm as well as sympathy ? Did he believe she was in a position in which the protection of the law was powerless to reach her ? It seemed just possible . Suppose she were free to consult a magistrate , and to own to him ( if words could express it ) the vague presentiment of danger which was then present in her mind - - what proof could she produce to satisfy the mind of a stranger ? The proofs were all in her husband 's favor . Witnesses could testify to the conciliatory words which he had spoken to her in their presence . The evidence of his mother and brother would show that he had preferred to sacrifice his own pecuniary interests rather than consent to part with her . She could furnish nobody with the smallest excuse , in her case , for interfering between man and wife . Did Sir Patrick see this ? And did Blanche 's description of what he and Arnold Brinkworth were doing point to the conclusion that they were taking the law into their own hands in despair ? The more she thought of it , the more likely it seemed . Anne looked out . The roof of a carriage was visible on the other side of the wall . Sir Patrick and Blanche had arrived . After an interval Hester Dethridge appeared in the garden , and went to the grating in the gate . Anne heard Sir Patrick 's voice , clear and resolute . Every word he said reached her ears through the open window . Hester Dethridge returned to the cottage . Another , and a longer interval elapsed . At the end of the time , Geoffrey himself appeared in the front garden , with the key in his hand . Anne 's heart throbbed fast as she saw him unlock the gate , and asked herself what was to follow . " Let by - gones be by - gones , " Anne heard him say to Sir Patrick . " I only want to do the right thing . If it 's the right thing for visitors to come here , so soon after my father 's death , come , and welcome . My own notion was , when you proposed it before , that it was wrong . I am not much versed in these things . I leave it to you . " They were by this time close under Anne 's window . She showed herself . Sir Patrick took off his hat . Blanche kissed her hand with a cry of joy , and attempted to enter the cottage . Geoffrey stopped her - - and called to his wife to come down . She attempted for the second time to gain the stairs . For the second time Geoffrey stopped her . " Don 't trouble yourself , " he said ; " she is coming down . " Anne joined them in the front garden . Blanche flew into her arms and devoured her with kisses . Sir Patrick took her hand in silence . For the first time in Anne 's experience of him , the bright , resolute , self - reliant old man was , for the moment , at a loss what to say , at a loss what to do . His eyes , resting on her in mute sympathy and interest , said plainly , " In your husband 's presence I must not trust myself to speak . " Blanche pressed Anne 's hand significantly . The proposal was evidently made for a purpose . They turned the corner of the cottage and gained the large garden at the back - - the two ladies walking together , arm in arm ; Sir Patrick and Geoffrey following them . Little by little , Blanche quickened her pace . " I have got my instructions , " she whispered to Anne . " Let 's get out of his hearing . " Sir Patrick met that check with characteristic readiness . When Anne slackened her pace , he addressed himself to Geoffrey , stopping deliberately in the middle of the path . " Let me give you my message from Holchester House , " he said . The two ladies were still slowly walking on . Geoffrey was placed between the alternatives of staying with Sir Patrick and leaving them by themselves - - or of following them and leaving Sir Patrick . Deliberately , on his side , he followed the ladies . " I have no secrets from my wife , " he said . " And I expect my wife to have no secrets from me . Give me the message in her hearing . " " As you please , " he said . " Your brother requests me to tell you that the duties of the new position in which he is placed occupy the whole of his time , and will prevent him from returning to Fulham , as he had proposed , for some days to come . Lady Holchester , hearing that I was likely to see you , has charged me with another message , from herself . She is not well enough to leave home ; and she wishes to see you at Holchester House to - morrow - - accompanied ( as she specially desires ) by Mrs . Delamayn . " " He won 't consent to the separation as long as he has got you here . He is trying for higher terms . Leave him , and he must submit . Put a candle in your window , if you can get into the garden to - night . If not , any other night . Make for the back gate in the wall . Sir Patrick and Arnold will manage the rest . " She slipped those words into Anne 's ears - - swinging her parasol to and fro , and looking as if the merest gossip was dropping from her lips - - with the dexterity which rarely fails a woman when she is called on to assist a deception in which her own interests are concerned . Cleverly as it had been done , however , Geoffrey 's inveterate distrust was stirred into action by it . Blanche had got to her last sentence before he was able to turn his attention from what Sir Patrick was saying to what his niece was saying . A quicker man would have heard more . Geoffrey had only distinctly heard the first half of the last sentence . " Nothing very interesting to you , " Blanche answered , readily . " I will repeat it if you like . I was telling Anne about my step - mother , Lady Lundie . After what happened that day in Portland Place , she has requested Sir Patrick and Arnold to consider themselves , for the future , as total strangers to her . That 's all . " " Ask my uncle , " returned Blanche , " if you don 't believe that I have reported her correctly . She gave us all our dismissal , in her most magnificent manner , and in those very words . Didn 't she , Sir Patrick ? " It was perfectly true . Blanche 's readiness of resource had met the emergency of the moment by describing something , in connection with Sir Patrick and Arnold , which had really happened . Silenced on one side , in spite of himself , Geoffrey was at the same moment pressed on the other for an answer to his mother 's message . " My love to my mother , " he said . " I 'll go to her to - morrow - - and take my wife with me , with the greatest pleasure . Do you hear that ? With the greatest pleasure . " He stopped to observe the effect of his reply . Sir Patrick waited impenetrably to hear more - - if he had more to say . " I 'm sorry I lost my temper just now , " he resumed " I am badly treated - - I 'm distrusted without a cause . I ask you to bear witness , " he added , his voice getting louder again , while his eyes moved uneasily backward and forward between Sir Patrick and Anne , " that I treat my wife as becomes a lady . Her friend calls on her - - and she 's free to receive her friend . My mother wants to see her - - and I promise to take her to my mother 's . At two o ' clock to - morrow . Where am I to blame ? You stand there looking at me , and saying nothing . Where am I to blame ? " As he turned to bid Anne farewell , the uneasiness that he felt at leaving her forced its way to view . The color faded out of his face . His hand trembled as it closed tenderly and firmly on hers . " I shall see you to - morrow , at Holchester House , " he said ; giving his arm while he spoke to Blanche . He took leave of Geoffrey , without looking at him again , and without seeing his offered hand . In another minute they were gone . Anne waited on the lower floor of the cottage while Geoffrey closed and locked the gate . She had no wish to appear to avoid him , after the answer that he had sent to his mother 's message . He returned slowly half - way across the front garden , looked toward the passage in which she was standing , passed before the door , and disappeared round the corner of the cottage on his way to the back garden . The inference was not to be mistaken . It was Geoffrey who was avoiding her . Had he lied to Sir Patrick ? When the next day came would he find reasons of his own for refusing to take her to Holchester House ? She went up stairs . At the same moment Hester Dethridge opened her bedroom door to come out . Observing Anne , she closed it again and remained invisible in her room . Once more the inference was not to be mistaken . Hester Dethridge , also , had her reasons for avoiding Anne . There was no fathoming the meaning of it . Anne 's thoughts reverted to the communication which had been secretly made to her by Blanche . It was not in womanhood to be insensible to such devotion as Sir Patrick 's conduct implied . Terrible as her position had become in its ever - growing uncertainty , in its never - ending suspense , the oppression of it yielded for the moment to the glow of pride and gratitude which warmed her heart , as she thought of the sacrifices that had been made , of the perils that were still to be encountered , solely for her sake . To shorten the period of suspense seemed to be a duty which she owed to Sir Patrick , as well as to herself . Why , in her situation , wait for what the next day might bring forth ? If the opportunity offered , she determined to put the signal in the window that night . The dinner was later than usual that day . Hester Dethridge did not appear with the tray till dusk . Anne spoke to her , and received a mute sign in answer . Determined to see the woman 's face plainly , she put a question which required a written answer on the slate ; and , telling Hester to wait , went to the mantle - piece to light her candle . When she turned round with the lighted candle in her hand , Hester was gone . Night came . She rang her bell to have the tray taken away . The fall of a strange footstep startled her outside her door . She called out , " Who 's there ? " The voice of the lad whom Geoffrey employed to go on errands for him answered her . Anne found Geoffrey in the dining - room . His object in wishing to speak to her was , on the surface of it , trivial enough . He wanted to know how she would prefer going to Holchester House on the next day - - by the railway , or in a carriage . " If you prefer driving , " he said , " the boy has come here for orders , and he can tell them to send a carriage from the livery - stables , as he goes home . " Instead of accepting the answer , and dropping the subject , he asked her to reconsider her decision . There was an absent , uneasy expression in his eye as he begged her not to consult economy at the expense of her own comfort . He appeared to have some reason of his own for preventing her from leaving the room . " Sit d own a minute , and think before you decide , " he said . Having forced her to take a chair , he put his head outside the door and directed the lad to go up stairs , and see if he had left his pipe in his bedroom . " I want you to go in comfort , as a lady should , " he repeated , with the uneasy look more marked than ever . Before Anne could reply , the lad 's voice reached them from the bedroom floor , raised in shrill alarm , and screaming " Fire ! " Geoffrey ran up stairs . Anne followed him . The lad met them at the top of the stairs . He pointed to the open door of Anne 's room . She was absolutely certain of having left her lighted candle , when she went down to Geoffrey , at a safe distance from the bed - curtains . The bed - curtains , nevertheless , were in a blaze of fire . There was a supply of water to the cottage , on the upper floor . The bedroom jugs and cans usually in their places at an earlier hour , were standing that night at the cistern . An empty pail was left near them . Directing the lad to bring him water from these resources , Geoffrey tore down the curtains in a flaming heap , partly on the bed and partly on the sofa near it . Using the can and the pail alternately , as the boy brought them , he drenched the bed and the sofa . It was all over in little more than a minute . The cottage was saved . But the bed - furniture was destroyed ; and the room , as a matter of course , was rendered uninhabitable , for that night at least , and probably for more nights to come . With the assistance of the lad , he moved Anne 's boxes , and the chest of drawers , which had escaped damage , into the opposite room . This done , he cautioned her to be careful with her candles for the future - - and went down stairs , without waiting to hear what she said in reply . The lad followed him , and was dismissed for the night . She had come out from her bedroom , when the alarm was given ; had looked at the flaming curtains ; and had drawn back , stolidly submissive , into a corner to wait the event . There she had stood - - to all appearance , utterly indifferent to the possible destruction of her own cottage . The fire extinguished , she still waited impenetrably in her corner , while the chest of drawers and the boxes were being moved - - then locked the door , without even a passing glance at the scorched ceiling and the burned bed - furniture - - put the key into her pocket - - and went back to her room . Anne had hitherto not shared the conviction felt by most other persons who were brought into contact with Hester Dethridge , that the woman 's mind was deranged . After what she had just seen , however , the general impression became her impression too . She had thought of putting certain questions to Hester , when they were left together , as to the origin of the fire . Reflection decided her on saying nothing , for that night at least . She crossed the passage , and entered the spare room - - the room which she had declined to occupy on her arrival at the cottage , and which she was obliged to sleep in now . The bed had been moved . The head - - set , when she had last seen it , against the side wall of the cottage - - was placed now against the partition wall which separated the room from Geoffrey 's room . This new arrangement had evidently been effected with a settled purpose of some sort . The hook in the ceiling which supported the curtains ( the bed , unlike the bed in the other room , having no canopy attached to it ) had been moved so as to adapt itself to the change that had been made . The chairs and the washhand - stand , formerly placed against the partition wall , were now , as a matter of necessity , shifted over to the vacant space against the side wall of the cottage . For the rest , no other alteration was visible in any part of the room . In Anne 's situation , any event not immediately intelligible on the face of it , was an event to be distrusted . Was there a motive for the change in the position of the bed ? And was it , by any chance , a motive in which she was concerned ? The doubt had barely occurred to her , before a startling suspicion succeeded it . Was there some secret purpose to be answered by making her sleep in the spare room ? Did the question which the servant had heard Geoffrey put to Hester , on the previous night , refer to this ? Had the fire which had so unaccountably caught the curtains in her own room , been , by any possibility , a fire purposely kindled , to force her out ? After waiting a little , she recovered self - possession enough to recognize the first plain necessity of putting her suspicions to the test . It was possible that her excited fancy had filled her with a purely visionary alarm . For all she knew to the contrary , there might be some undeniably sufficient reason for changing the position of the bed . She went out , and knocked at the door of Hester Dethridge 's room . Stolidly submissive to the question , as she had been stolidly submissive to the fire , Hester Dethridge wrote her reply . On all other occasions she was accustomed to look the persons to whom she offered her slate steadily in the face . Now , for the first time , she handed it to Anne with her eyes on the floor . The one line written contained no direct answer : the words were these : Anne looked at the wall . There was no sign of damp on the paper . She passed her hand over it . Feel where she might , the wall was dry . It was plainly useless to call her back . Anne 's first impulse when she was alone again was to secure the door . She not only locked it , but bolted it at top and bottom . The mortise of the lock and the staples of the bolts , when she tried them , were firm . The lurking treachery - - wherever else it might be - - was not in the fastenings of the door . Appearances , fair as they were , failed to convince her . The presentiment of some hidden treachery , steadily getting nearer and nearer to her in the dark , had rooted itself firmly in her mind . She sat down , and tried to trace her way back to the clew , through the earlier events of the day . Did he sincerely believe Geoffrey 's conduct to be animated by no worse object than a mercenary object ? and was his only purpose in planning to remove her out of her husband 's reach , to force Geoffrey 's consent to their separation on the terms which Julius had proposed ? Was this really the sole end that he had in view ? or was he secretly convinced ( knowing Anne 's position as he knew it ) that she was in personal danger at the cottage ? and had he considerately kept that conviction concealed , in the fear that he might otherwise e ncourage her to feel alarmed about herself ? She looked round the strange room , in the silence of the night , and she felt that the latter interpretation was the likeliest interpretation of the two . It was equally hopeless to wait until the policeman passed on his beat , and to call for help . Even if she could prevail upon herself to make that open acknowledgment of distrust under her husband 's roof , and even if help was near , what valid reason could she give for raising an alarm ? There was not the shadow of a reason to justify any one in placing her under the protection of the law .
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> Chapter The Fifty - Fifth . The Signs Of The End . Chapter The Fifty - Fifth . The Signs Of The End . THE servant , appearing the next morning in Anne 's room with the breakfast tray , closed the door with an air of mystery , and announced that strange things were going on in the house . Extricated from the confusion in which she involved it , the girl 's narrative amounted in substance to this . She had been startled by the sudden appearance of her mistress in the passage , staring about her wildly , like a woman who had gone out of her senses . Almost at the same moment " the master " had flung open the drawing - room door . He had caught Mrs . Dethridge by the arm , had dragged her into the room , and had closed the door again . After the two had remained shut up together for more than half an hour , Mrs . Dethridge had come out , as pale as ashes , and had gone up stairs trembling like a person in great terror . Some time later , when the servant was in bed , but not asleep , she had seen a light under her door , in the narrow wooden passage which separated Anne 's bedroom from Hester 's bedroom , and by which she obtained access to her own little sleeping - chamber beyond . She had got out of bed ; had looked through the keyhole ; and had seen " the master " and Mrs . Dethridge standing together examining the walls of the passage . " The master " had laid his hand upon the wall , on the side of his wife 's room , and had looked at Mrs . Dethridge . And Mrs . Dethridge had looked back at him , and had shaken her head . Upon that he had said in a whisper ( still with his hand on the wooden wall ) , " Not to be done here ? " And Mrs . Dethridge had shaken her head . He had considered a moment , and had whispered again , " The other room will do ! won 't it ? " And Mrs . Dethridge had nodded her head - - and so they had parted . That was the story of the night . Early in the morning , more strange things had happened . The master had gone out , with a large sealed packet in his hand , covered with many stamps ; taking his own letter to the post , instead of sending the servant with it as usual . On his return , Mrs . Dethridge had gone out next , and had come back with something in a jar which she had locked up in her own sitting - room . Shortly afterward , a working - man had brought a bundle of laths , and some mortar and plaster of Paris , which had been carefully placed togThe right interpretation was not easy to discover . Anne dismissed the girl with a little present and a few kind words . Under other circumstances , the incomprehensible proceedings in the house might have made her seriously uneasy . But her mind was now occupied by more pressing anxieties . Blanche 's second letter ( received from Hester Dethridge on the previous evening ) informed her that Sir Patrick persisted in his resolution , and that he and his niece might be expected , come what might of it , to present themselves at the cottage on that day . " I don 't think , darling , you have any idea of the interest that you have roused in my uncle . Although he has not to reproach himself , as I have , with being the miserable cause of the sacrifice that you have made , he is quite as wretched and quite as anxious about you as I am . We talk of nobody else . He said last night that he did not believe there was your equal in the world . Think of that from a man who has such terribly sharp eyes for the faults of women in general , and such a terribly sharp tongue in talking of them ! I am pledged to secrecy ; but I must tell you one other thing , between ourselves . Lord Holchester 's announcement that his brother refuses to consent to a separation put my uncle almost beside himself . If there is not some change for the better in your life in a few days ' time , Sir Patrick will find out a way of his own - - lawful or not , he doesn 't care - - for rescuing you from the dreadful position in which you are placed , and Arnold ( with my full approval ) will help him . As we understand it , you are , under one pretense or another , kept a close prisoner . Sir Patrick has already secured a post of observation near you . He and Arnold went all round the cottage last night , and examined a door in your back garden wall , with a locksmith to help them . You will no doubt hear further about this from Sir Patrick himself . Pray don 't appear to know any thing of it when you see him ! I am not in his confidence - - but Arnold is , which comes to the same thing exactly . You will see us ( I mean you will see my uncle and me ) to - morrow , in spite of the brute who keeps you under lock and key . Arnold will not accompany us ; he is not to be trusted ( he owns it himself ) to control his indignation . Courage , dearest ! There are two people in the world to whom you are inestimably precious , and who are determined not to let your happiness be sacrificed . I am one of them , and ( for Heaven 's sake keep this a secret also ! ) Sir Patrick is the other . " " He is seriously ill , " answered Mr . Speedwell . " I should not otherwise have troubled you with this interview . It is a matter of professional duty to warn you , as his wife , that he is in danger . He may be seized at any moment by a paralytic stroke . The only chance for him - - a very poor one , I am bound to say - - is to make him alter his present mode of life without loss of time . " " Setting that aside , " proceeded the surgeon , " there are two preventive measures which I feel bound to suggest . Mr . Delamayn is evidently suffering ( though he declines to admit it himself ) from mental anxiety . If he is to have a chance for his life , that anxiety must be set at rest . Is it in your power to relieve it ? " " The second caution that I have to give you , " he said , " is to keep him from drinking spirits . He admits having committed an excess in that way the night before last . In his state of health , drinking means literally death . If he goes back to the brandy - bottle - - forgive me for saying it plainly ; the matter is too serious to be trifled with - - if he goes back to the brandy - bottle , his life , in my opinion , is not worth five minutes ' purchase . Can you keep him from drinking ? " " I understand , " he said . " I will see his brother on my way home . " He looked for a moment at Anne . " You are far from well yourself , " he resumed . " Can I do any thing for you ? " The surgeon took his leave . Anne hurried back up stairs , before Geoffrey could re - enter the cottage . To see the man who had laid her life waste - - to meet the vindictive hatred that looked furtively at her out of his eyes - - at the moment when sentence of death had been pronounced on him , was an ordeal from which every finer instinct in her nature shrank in horror . Hour by hour , the morning wore on , and he made no attempt to communicate with her , Stranger still , Hester Dethridge never appeared . The servant came up stairs to say goodby ; and went away for her holiday . Shortly afterward , certain sounds reached Anne 's ears from the opposite side of the passage . She heard the strokes of a hammer , and then a noise as of some heavy piece of furniture being moved . The mysterious repairs were apparently being begun in the spare room . It suggested , on this occasion , a new consideration to her . Did the strong measures which Sir Patrick had taken in secret indicate alarm as well as sympathy ? Did he believe she was in a position in which the protection of the law was powerless to reach her ? It seemed just possible . Suppose she were free to consult a magistrate , and to own to him ( if words could express it ) the vague presentiment of danger which was then present in her mind - - what proof could she produce to satisfy the mind of a stranger ? The proofs were all in her husband 's favor . Witnesses could testify to the conciliatory words which he had spoken to her in their presence . The evidence of his mother and brother would show that he had preferred to sacrifice his own pecuniary interests rather than consent to part with her . She could furnish nobody with the smallest excuse , in her case , for interfering between man and wife . Did Sir Patrick see this ? And did Blanche 's description of what he and Arnold Brinkworth were doing point to the conclusion that they were taking the law into their own hands in despair ? The more she thought of it , the more likely it seemed . Anne looked out . The roof of a carriage was visible on the other side of the wall . Sir Patrick and Blanche had arrived . After an interval Hester Dethridge appeared in the garden , and went to the grating in the gate . Anne heard Sir Patrick 's voice , clear and resolute . Every word he said reached her ears through the open window . Hester Dethridge returned to the cottage . Another , and a longer interval elapsed . At the end of the time , Geoffrey himself appeared in the front garden , with the key in his hand . Anne 's heart throbbed fast as she saw him unlock the gate , and asked herself what was to follow . " Let by - gones be by - gones , " Anne heard him say to Sir Patrick . " I only want to do the right thing . If it 's the right thing for visitors to come here , so soon after my father 's death , come , and welcome . My own notion was , when you proposed it before , that it was wrong . I am not much versed in these things . I leave it to you . " They were by this time close under Anne 's window . She showed herself . Sir Patrick took off his hat . Blanche kissed her hand with a cry of joy , and attempted to enter the cottage . Geoffrey stopped her - - and called to his wife to come down . She attempted for the second time to gain the stairs . For the second time Geoffrey stopped her . " Don 't trouble yourself , " he said ; " she is coming down . " Anne joined them in the front garden . Blanche flew into her arms and devoured her with kisses . Sir Patrick took her hand in silence . For the first time in Anne 's experience of him , the bright , resolute , self - reliant old man was , for the moment , at a loss what to say , at a loss what to do . His eyes , resting on her in mute sympathy and interest , said plainly , " In your husband 's presence I must not trust myself to speak . " Blanche pressed Anne 's hand significantly . The proposal was evidently made for a purpose . They turned the corner of the cottage and gained the large garden at the back - - the two ladies walking together , arm in arm ; Sir Patrick and Geoffrey following them . Little by little , Blanche quickened her pace . " I have got my instructions , " she whispered to Anne . " Let 's get out of his hearing . " Sir Patrick met that check with characteristic readiness . When Anne slackened her pace , he addressed himself to Geoffrey , stopping deliberately in the middle of the path . " Let me give you my message from Holchester House , " he said . The two ladies were still slowly walking on . Geoffrey was placed between the alternatives of staying with Sir Patrick and leaving them by themselves - - or of following them and leaving Sir Patrick . Deliberately , on his side , he followed the ladies . " I have no secrets from my wife , " he said . " And I expect my wife to have no secrets from me . Give me the message in her hearing . " " As you please , " he said . " Your brother requests me to tell you that the duties of the new position in which he is placed occupy the whole of his time , and will prevent him from returning to Fulham , as he had proposed , for some days to come . Lady Holchester , hearing that I was likely to see you , has charged me with another message , from herself . She is not well enough to leave home ; and she wishes to see you at Holchester House to - morrow - - accompanied ( as she specially desires ) by Mrs . Delamayn . " " He won 't consent to the separation as long as he has got you here . He is trying for higher terms . Leave him , and he must submit . Put a candle in your window , if you can get into the garden to - night . If not , any other night . Make for the back gate in the wall . Sir Patrick and Arnold will manage the rest . " She slipped those words into Anne 's ears - - swinging her parasol to and fro , and looking as if the merest gossip was dropping from her lips - - with the dexterity which rarely fails a woman when she is called on to assist a deception in which her own interests are concerned . Cleverly as it had been done , however , Geoffrey 's inveterate distrust was stirred into action by it . Blanche had got to her last sentence before he was able to turn his attention from what Sir Patrick was saying to what his niece was saying . A quicker man would have heard more . Geoffrey had only distinctly heard the first half of the last sentence . " Nothing very interesting to you , " Blanche answered , readily . " I will repeat it if you like . I was telling Anne about my step - mother , Lady Lundie . After what happened that day in Portland Place , she has requested Sir Patrick and Arnold to consider themselves , for the future , as total strangers to her . That 's all . " " Ask my uncle , " returned Blanche , " if you don 't believe that I have reported her correctly . She gave us all our dismissal , in her most magnificent manner , and in those very words . Didn 't she , Sir Patrick ? " It was perfectly true . Blanche 's readiness of resource had met the emergency of the moment by describing something , in connection with Sir Patrick and Arnold , which had really happened . Silenced on one side , in spite of himself , Geoffrey was at the same moment pressed on the other for an answer to his mother 's message . " My love to my mother , " he said . " I 'll go to her to - morrow - - and take my wife with me , with the greatest pleasure . Do you hear that ? With the greatest pleasure . " He stopped to observe the effect of his reply . Sir Patrick waited impenetrably to hear more - - if he had more to say . " I 'm sorry I lost my temper just now , " he resumed " I am badly treated - - I 'm distrusted without a cause . I ask you to bear witness , " he added , his voice getting louder again , while his eyes moved uneasily backward and forward between Sir Patrick and Anne , " that I treat my wife as becomes a lady . Her friend calls on her - - and she 's free to receive her friend . My mother wants to see her - - and I promise to take her to my mother 's . At two o ' clock to - morrow . Where am I to blame ? You stand there looking at me , and saying nothing . Where am I to blame ? " As he turned to bid Anne farewell , the uneasiness that he felt at leaving her forced its way to view . The color faded out of his face . His hand trembled as it closed tenderly and firmly on hers . " I shall see you to - morrow , at Holchester House , " he said ; giving his arm while he spoke to Blanche . He took leave of Geoffrey , without looking at him again , and without seeing his offered hand . In another minute they were gone . Anne waited on the lower floor of the cottage while Geoffrey closed and locked the gate . She had no wish to appear to avoid him , after the answer that he had sent to his mother 's message . He returned slowly half - way across the front garden , looked toward the passage in which she was standing , passed before the door , and disappeared round the corner of the cottage on his way to the back garden . The inference was not to be mistaken . It was Geoffrey who was avoiding her . Had he lied to Sir Patrick ? When the next day came would he find reasons of his own for refusing to take her to Holchester House ? She went up stairs . At the same moment Hester Dethridge opened her bedroom door to come out . Observing Anne , she closed it again and remained invisible in her room . Once more the inference was not to be mistaken . Hester Dethridge , also , had her reasons for avoiding Anne . There was no fathoming the meaning of it . Anne 's thoughts reverted to the communication which had been secretly made to her by Blanche . It was not in womanhood to be insensible to such devotion as Sir Patrick 's conduct implied . Terrible as her position had become in its ever - growing uncertainty , in its never - ending suspense , the oppression of it yielded for the moment to the glow of pride and gratitude which warmed her heart , as she thought of the sacrifices that had been made , of the perils that were still to be encountered , solely for her sake . To shorten the period of suspense seemed to be a duty which she owed to Sir Patrick , as well as to herself . Why , in her situation , wait for what the next day might bring forth ? If the opportunity offered , she determined to put the signal in the window that night . The dinner was later than usual that day . Hester Dethridge did not appear with the tray till dusk . Anne spoke to her , and received a mute sign in answer . Determined to see the woman 's face plainly , she put a question which required a written answer on the slate ; and , telling Hester to wait , went to the mantle - piece to light her candle . When she turned round with the lighted candle in her hand , Hester was gone . Night came . She rang her bell to have the tray taken away . The fall of a strange footstep startled her outside her door . She called out , " Who 's there ? " The voice of the lad whom Geoffrey employed to go on errands for him answered her . Anne found Geoffrey in the dining - room . His object in wishing to speak to her was , on the surface of it , trivial enough . He wanted to know how she would prefer going to Holchester House on the next day - - by the railway , or in a carriage . " If you prefer driving , " he said , " the boy has come here for orders , and he can tell them to send a carriage from the livery - stables , as he goes home . " Instead of accepting the answer , and dropping the subject , he asked her to reconsider her decision . There was an absent , uneasy expression in his eye as he begged her not to consult economy at the expense of her own comfort . He appeared to have some reason of his own for preventing her from leaving the room . " Sit d own a minute , and think before you decide , " he said . Having forced her to take a chair , he put his head outside the door and directed the lad to go up stairs , and see if he had left his pipe in his bedroom . " I want you to go in comfort , as a lady should , " he repeated , with the uneasy look more marked than ever . Before Anne could reply , the lad 's voice reached them from the bedroom floor , raised in shrill alarm , and screaming " Fire ! " Geoffrey ran up stairs . Anne followed him . The lad met them at the top of the stairs . He pointed to the open door of Anne 's room . She was absolutely certain of having left her lighted candle , when she went down to Geoffrey , at a safe distance from the bed - curtains . The bed - curtains , nevertheless , were in a blaze of fire . There was a supply of water to the cottage , on the upper floor . The bedroom jugs and cans usually in their places at an earlier hour , were standing that night at the cistern . An empty pail was left near them . Directing the lad to bring him water from these resources , Geoffrey tore down the curtains in a flaming heap , partly on the bed and partly on the sofa near it . Using the can and the pail alternately , as the boy brought them , he drenched the bed and the sofa . It was all over in little more than a minute . The cottage was saved . But the bed - furniture was destroyed ; and the room , as a matter of course , was rendered uninhabitable , for that night at least , and probably for more nights to come . With the assistance of the lad , he moved Anne 's boxes , and the chest of drawers , which had escaped damage , into the opposite room . This done , he cautioned her to be careful with her candles for the future - - and went down stairs , without waiting to hear what she said in reply . The lad followed him , and was dismissed for the night . She had come out from her bedroom , when the alarm was given ; had looked at the flaming curtains ; and had drawn back , stolidly submissive , into a corner to wait the event . There she had stood - - to all appearance , utterly indifferent to the possible destruction of her own cottage . The fire extinguished , she still waited impenetrably in her corner , while the chest of drawers and the boxes were being moved - - then locked the door , without even a passing glance at the scorched ceiling and the burned bed - furniture - - put the key into her pocket - - and went back to her room . Anne had hitherto not shared the conviction felt by most other persons who were brought into contact with Hester Dethridge , that the woman 's mind was deranged . After what she had just seen , however , the general impression became her impression too . She had thought of putting certain questions to Hester , when they were left together , as to the origin of the fire . Reflection decided her on saying nothing , for that night at least . She crossed the passage , and entered the spare room - - the room which she had declined to occupy on her arrival at the cottage , and which she was obliged to sleep in now . The bed had been moved . The head - - set , when she had last seen it , against the side wall of the cottage - - was placed now against the partition wall which separated the room from Geoffrey 's room . This new arrangement had evidently been effected with a settled purpose of some sort . The hook in the ceiling which supported the curtains ( the bed , unlike the bed in the other room , having no canopy attached to it ) had been moved so as to adapt itself to the change that had been made . The chairs and the washhand - stand , formerly placed against the partition wall , were now , as a matter of necessity , shifted over to the vacant space against the side wall of the cottage . For the rest , no other alteration was visible in any part of the room . In Anne 's situation , any event not immediately intelligible on the face of it , was an event to be distrusted . Was there a motive for the change in the position of the bed ? And was it , by any chance , a motive in which she was concerned ? The doubt had barely occurred to her , before a startling suspicion succeeded it . Was there some secret purpose to be answered by making her sleep in the spare room ? Did the question which the servant had heard Geoffrey put to Hester , on the previous night , refer to this ? Had the fire which had so unaccountably caught the curtains in her own room , been , by any possibility , a fire purposely kindled , to force her out ? After waiting a little , she recovered self - possession enough to recognize the first plain necessity of putting her suspicions to the test . It was possible that her excited fancy had filled her with a purely visionary alarm . For all she knew to the contrary , there might be some undeniably sufficient reason for changing the position of the bed . She went out , and knocked at the door of Hester Dethridge 's room . Stolidly submissive to the question , as she had been stolidly submissive to the fire , Hester Dethridge wrote her reply . On all other occasions she was accustomed to look the persons to whom she offered her slate steadily in the face . Now , for the first time , she handed it to Anne with her eyes on the floor . The one line written contained no direct answer : the words were these : Anne looked at the wall . There was no sign of damp on the paper . She passed her hand over it . Feel where she might , the wall was dry . It was plainly useless to call her back . Anne 's first impulse when she was alone again was to secure the door . She not only locked it , but bolted it at top and bottom . The mortise of the lock and the staples of the bolts , when she tried them , were firm . The lurking treachery - - wherever else it might be - - was not in the fastenings of the door . Appearances , fair as they were , failed to convince her . The presentiment of some hidden treachery , steadily getting nearer and nearer to her in the dark , had rooted itself firmly in her mind . She sat down , and tried to trace her way back to the clew , through the earlier events of the day . Did he sincerely believe Geoffrey 's conduct to be animated by no worse object than a mercenary object ? and was his only purpose in planning to remove her out of her husband 's reach , to force Geoffrey 's consent to their separation on the terms which Julius had proposed ? Was this really the sole end that he had in view ? or was he secretly convinced ( knowing Anne 's position as he knew it ) that she was in personal danger at the cottage ? and had he considerately kept that conviction concealed , in the fear that he might otherwise e ncourage her to feel alarmed about herself ? She looked round the strange room , in the silence of the night , and she felt that the latter interpretation was the likeliest interpretation of the two . It was equally hopeless to wait until the policeman passed on his beat , and to call for help . Even if she could prevail upon herself to make that open acknowledgment of distrust under her husband 's roof , and even if help was near , what valid reason could she give for raising an alarm ? There was not the shadow of a reason to justify any one in placing her under the protection of the law .
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Israel Book Shop presents Chapter 8 of a new online serial novel , Divided Attention , by Esther Rapaport . Check back for a new chapter every Thursday or Friday . Click here for previous chapters . Ayala 's pen suddenly dried up and refused to write . She walked over to the supply drawer , hoping she 'd find a pen that wrote in a decent color . Near the cabinet in the hallway stood Sari with - what else - the receiver pressed to her ear . Still talking to her friend on the phone , Sari moved over , allowing her mother to reach the drawer . " I don 't think the girls are going to like it , Gila . We need something more active , more challenging . We 're not little girls anymore . Listening to a good story while sitting in a circle on the grass is just not going to do it . We have to seriously think about this . " Ayala found three pens , two blue and one black . She took them all to the table so she could see which , if any of them , actually wrote . Pens are like batteries , she mused . People don 't like throwing them out even when they start to fade , because , " Maybe we can still get some more use out of it , and we 'll check it when we have a chance . " But when you 're looking for a pen that really has something left , all the almost - finished pens become a real pain in the neck ! The black pen was the only one that wrote normally . One blue pen just scraped the page , and Ayala put it aside , making a mental note not to put it back in the drawer , but to throw it out - something that should have been done long ago . The second pen formed something resembling letters , but it was so faint that it was barely legible . It , too , joined the garbage pile . " Thanks , " Ayala said with a smile . " I found one . I just hope it 's not almost finished also ! Are you planning a program with Gila ? " " Yes , " Sari said , putting the pen she had brought onto the table , forgetting that her mother had already found one herself . " She called us over … I think it was two days ago , and told us that she thinks that we 're the right girls for the job . " " Great , " Ayala said , forcing another smile . Once , a long time ago , Sari would have shared most of her experiences with her . Lately , Ayala felt that she was slowly being sidelined from her daughter 's life . Was " sidelined " too harsh of a word ? Sari was her oldest daughter , her first teenager , and she had heard about this stage in the past . But when it hits home and affects you personally , it really is much more painful that when you read about it in letters that worried mothers write to advice columnists … " I went to the Mashbir first , " he replied , scanning the large , dark yard . " But the lady told me to come back with my mother or some other adult . And anyway , those shoes cost too much , so I went to old Yishai 's bazaar an ' he said these are good . " " Great ! " Ronny laughed and led his young friend closer to the building . Getting into the courtyard was as easy as jumping over the fence . Ronny stopped at the foot of the tree . " See , Rafi ? All you gotta do is climb about fifteen feet and you 're at the window . " His finger pointed upwards . " That window is at the end of the hallway . " " How d ' you know ? " Rafi asked , fingering the little note in the pocket of his shirt . The seam on the side of the pocket had almost completely unraveled , and Rafi touched his pocket every few minutes to make sure the note hadn 't fallen out . " And how d ' you know there 's no security door at the office ? " Ronny slapped him on the shoulder and Rafi almost collapsed from the blow . " Leave that to me , kid . You just climb , get in , go down to the first floor , and do what I told you . Take the paint and the brush and put on these gloves . " " Ya don 't wanna leave fingerprints , do you ? " Ronny grew serious . " Remember , kid , if you meet someone , pretend you 're just a dumb , bored kid looking for a little fun . I didn 't send you ; got it ? " Rafi smiled weakly and lifted his right hand . For the next few minutes Ronny kept his eye on the figure as he rose higher into the branches . The tree was broad and leafy , and easy to climb . Ronny wondered why the school hadn 't thought to put bars on a window so close to a tree . They must have assumed that no one would even be interested in getting into the building . The branch Rafi was on led right to the wall , and the little window , without the glass pane , appeared in front of him . He panted with exertion and looked down at the older boy , but the cloud of leaves concealed Ronny from his view . Rafi grabbed the window frame , and in a few seconds , he was sitting on the sill , wiping his nose with the sleeve of his sweater . His eyes wandered over the row of faucets in the wall , with large plastic cups tied to them with thin chains . He bit his lips and jumped onto the stone floor below . He was standing at the beginning of a long , dark corridor , and the thought that he was about to walk into that darkness made him clench his teeth as he tried to control his fear . He took a deep breath , thought of Ronny waiting below , and began to walk slowly , passing by open doors through which he could see silent desks in straight rows facing dark boards . It was so eerily quiet . His imagination ran wild as he pictured creatures jumping out from under the desks , and he tried to swallow the fear that welled up in his throat , as his arms trembled uncontrollably . He finally reached the end of the corridor , and the bank of stairs that led to the lower floor . He descended slowly , holding the banister tightly , and hoped that the office was right at the bottom of the steps and not at the other end of the corridor . " It 's just opposite the entrance to the building , " Ronny had explained , " and there 's a sign on the door , so you 'll be able to see it . " But he had no choice . Ronny was waiting outside for results , and there was no sign on any of the doors near him . They were all open , and he could see the rectangular desks lined up in each classroom . Rafi began walking down this second corridor , trying to look ahead instead of to either side of him . The bottle of paint in his pocket thumped to the rhythm of his steps . He squinted his eyes and noticed a wide , brown door that was really divided into two . Oh , so this was the entrance . But facing it were two doors with signs on them , not one . Rafi took out the key Ronny had given him and tried the lock on the door closest to him . The door opened easily with the key , and Rafi pushed it open and entered . This was not the office . In the center of the room was a very long table surrounded by narrow chairs . It must be the teachers ' room , Rafi decided . He wanted to walk out , but a long , tube - shaped package wrapped in shiny green paper caught his eye . As he looked at the package , he remembered that , except for some stale bread and five puddings , he hadn 't eaten a thing that day . He walked towards the table and tugged at the packaging until it tore open . A few crackers tumbled onto the table . Rafi chose three , put two in his pocket , and nibbled on the third as he left the room . Then he turned to the next door . This time , the key did not work as easily ; first it didn 't go into the lock all the way , and then it refused to turn . But after some pushing and pulling , the door finally opened . Rafi entered the room slowly . A window facing the backyard of the school allowed the circle of yellow from the streetlamp outside to illuminate the room . A small orange light glowed from the computer on the desk . Rafi pulled the keyboard toward him and pressed the keys . Nothing happened . " What should I do here ? " Rafi asked the walls , enjoying the sound of his voice . It was certainly more pleasant than the deafening , oppressive silence in which he had been enveloped . What had Ronny wanted ? A mess ? He turned the keyboard over ; that was a start . It was a bit restrained by the cable , but with a bit of tugging , that also gave . Perhaps he should disconnect the computer ? He clambered up onto the desk and wildly grabbed the cables from behind the console . The orange light flickered for a minute and then went out . Rafi looked around him and saw a large closet . But it was locked , and Ronny 's key was useless . However , the desk had several drawers , and they were not locked . He pulled them out one after the other and scattered their contents all over the floor . A calculator and hole puncher clattered to the floor , followed by so many paper clips that Rafi couldn 't even count them . Suddenly he felt fired up . What a shame that his classmates weren 't here now to see him . The small canister of paint shifted in his pocket , reminding Rafi that it was there . He took it out , along with the paintbrush and Ronny 's note , and stared at the wall in front of him . There was a large , brown picture frame filled with many small , smiling faces . Rafi tugged at the frame , but it refused to budge from the wall . He dragged over a chair , and unhooked it from the wall , staring at it . So many children looking out at him ! " Stop looking at me ! " he said angrily , but the children in the picture refused to listen to him . Some of them looked angry . " I didn 't want to come ; Ronny made me ! " Rafi said , but it didn 't look like they were convinced . " I 'm gonna show you ! " He stamped his foot angrily , opened the paint bottle , and poured it onto the picture . A thick , black puddle slowly spread , covering the smiling children one by one . Rafi dipped the paintbrush into the pool and smeared paint over the entire picture . Then he picked up the note , perused it carefully , and began to copy it , shape by shape , onto the wall . " I hope she 'll be back soon , " her father - in - law replied , smiling as he watched his grandson frolic around the room . Anyone looking a bit deeper into the smiling eyes , though , would have seen the sadness that emanated from within . Oy , my grandson … So much not the way I would have wanted to see you ! Manny shifted his gaze away from the open window , trying to avoid looking out at the street , where he 'd inevitably catch a glimpse of other three - year - old boys . Little boys with peyos , straight or curled , in front of or behind their ears . And with yarmulkes and tzitzis . Little three - year - old boys , just like Danny . And then the overwhelming pain , combined with guilt , would rise inside him , threatening to drive him out of his mind . Like his wife Yael said frequently , there was no way to know if the results wouldn 't have been the same had they acted differently . Shimon had been too old by the time they became religious . Still , Manny Cohen knew that until his dying day , he would carry the terrible feeling that it was his fault that half of his children were following the wrong path . He couldn 't argue with his heart . Was there a chance that the solution he had recently come up with could somewhat quiet the disturbing thoughts ? " I don 't know if you know this , but I now also work part - time at the municipality , " Rina said . " And , as part of my work , I have access to the welfare files . " She fell silent . Manny wasn 't sure how he was supposed to respond . Was this an opening to the subject he had been thinking about so much lately ? That was the impression he was getting … Shimon rose and walked into the kitchen . Manny heard the cabinet door open and close and then Shimon returned with a bottle of juice and some cups . " Drink , drink , " he said , laughing . " Feel at home . " Rina took a cup and held it in two hands . " I thought … " she said cautiously , " that I might be able to make some suggestions . I know more than one child who is lacking and badly needs just what you might be offering . " Shimon poured himself a drink and then spoke up . " But what do you need this for , Abba ? Where did you get this strange idea from ? " He downed the contents of his cup and looked at his father . Manny was quiet . They had discussed this idea extensively before reaching their decision . He had been the one to push it , but even Yael agreed that it was a good idea . Nava was happy on the one hand , and a bit apprehensive on the other . But when Rav Fisher declared that it was a chessed and a big mitzvah , the last doubts fell away . Welcome to the Israel Book Shop Publications blog , a new way for Israel Book Shop to connect with readers of the best Jewish books available ! The blog features previews and excerpts of recent and popular books , reviews and opinions , and of course , our feedback topics and polls , where we want to hear from you ! Whichever of these brought you here , feel free to stick around and check out the others . Read a chapter from one of our recent bestsellers , and let the author know how you feel about it . Disagree with one of the comments ? You can comment on comments , too , and your opinion will post right where it belongs , underneath the comment . Get to know Israel Book Shop , and let us get to know you . Start by reading ( and feedback - ing ) below ! Pinchos Woolstone on NEW RELEASE ! Without a Trace pesha grossman on NOW AVAILABLE ! ! ! New Novel - The Freedom to Be Hudi on NOW AVAILABLE ! ! ! New Novel - The Freedom to Be Tova Medetsky on New Release : Dreams Delayed Shir on NOW AVAILABLE ! ! ! New Novel - The Freedom to Be Archives Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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I recently had a milestone birthday and my long - term relationship ended . Starting my life over again , I made a list of 100 + things I 've been meaning to do but never quite made the time . People have asked what I 've done and what 's on my list . So here it is . Follow me as I complete the things on my Break Up Bucket List . Now updated to 300 + things on my New Life List . It is often said that it is harder to forgive yourself than someone else . I know I 'm not perfect ( far from it ) and can be difficult at times . I 've have spent a lot of time this year blaming myself and my foibles for the collapse of my relationship . How could I have been so trusting ? How did I not see it coming ? Why did I not stop them spending so much time together ? Why did I let us drift so far apart ? If only I had been nicer , lost weight sooner , wore trendier clothes , was funnier , paid more attention , was less serious , made more friends , laughed at the jokes more , laughed at the jokes harder , worked less , had a more trendy job , had better interests , made more money . If only my family didn 't drive people nuts . . . if only , if only , if only . I 've spent the last year pinpointing my vast short comings and what I did to drive my Ex away . As any reader of this blog can see , I 'm quite adept at coming up with lists and in this regard I excelled and surpassed myself with a never ending list of ways I came up short and ruined things . How it was really all my fault . I have an inner , and not very kind , voice in the back of my head that tells me I 'm not good enough , pretty enough , nice enough , thin enough , etc for someone to love me , which was silenced ( mostly ) during the 9 years we were together . Having someone who knew me so well walk away , and with someone else , makes it difficult to believe it 's not true ; difficult to believe I didn 't deserve it and somehow have it coming . That it was my fault . I have spent sleepness nights on the bathroom floor , at the kitchen table , or in bed crying over the myriad of ways I let my love and myself down . Despite that , I 'm learning to forgive myself for my many failings , even as I work hard to make sure I don 't repeat my mistakes as I go forward . It takes two to make a relationship work , and a relationship is work sometimes . If only forgiving oneself was as easy as forgiving someone else , I 'd be fine . I 'm not sure I 've entirely cracked this one , but I 'm well on my way . . . Wow , this is a big one to tick off . A few months ago , I was asked about forgiveness in an interview for the Huffington Post and whether I had forgiven my ex or not . I was not yet ready to forgive at that point , so I said the only thing that came to mind : " Forgiveness . . . that 's tough . The other F word ! " No matter how much I wanted to move on , forgive and forget , my heart wasn 't ready then . I was still bitter , hurt and angry . More time has past since then , however , and with time comes more distance and greater understanding . I still see my Ex fairly regularly , mostly to let my Ex see the cats . We are cordial , but reserved . I 'll get the low down on what 's going on in family and work life and hear the latest stories about my goddaughter , the niece . The new GF is never mentioned . I find it odd and somewhat confusing at times that my ex still ends most of our visits in tears , more than a year later . It was not my choice ; this was what you supposedly wanted , I want to say , but I don 't . I know in my heart that it is not me the tears are for but for our pets , the house and the life we had together . But not me . I may have helped build and provide that life , but it is not me that is missed . It is a very fine but important distinction . My Ex was unhappy - - I thought with life . It turns out it was with both life and with me . I was a big part of my Ex 's life so in retrospect I can now see how it seemed to make sense to cut me loose and start fresh . It was the one area of life my Ex had complete control over . There had been no premeditated plan to break up with me that morning , but when I unwittingly spoke those fateful , and fatal , words it opened a door for my Ex to walk out and make changes . I have no doubt that my Ex would not have left me if the new girlfriend had not been lurking around . Like a bad penny she was always showing up but I loved and trusted . They worked together and bonded over their mutual interest , but after 9 years I loved and trusted that was all there was to it . It was only in retrospect that the words my Ex uttered that morning made sense : " I love you . I 'm not unhappy , it 's just I think I could be happier with someone else . " Looking back , that was why my Ex had no interest in trying to work things out , consciously or unconsciously . I 'll never know what really happened between them and when . I had asked at the time if there was someone specific in mind and was told no . . . and I believed that . What I do know is that they spent last Christmas , which was only a few weeks after we split , together with my Ex 's family , and I was told by friends that they effectively had moved in together by January . . . THAT and the lies surrounding it all have been the hardest to forgive . Break ups are not easy , but they happen . Being left for another woman , however , is a different level of soul ( and trust ) destroying . Because of that , in some way , I will always probably hurt in some way . But they did what they needed to do . Even if I didn 't understand it at the time , I can now appreciate the possibility that they did me a favour and spared me from spending the rest of my life as a safety net or consolation prize . I am working hard to try to heal those wounds that have left my heart bruised , battered and torn apart . There were times this past year when I missed my friend , my love , my life , but I have had to let go and move on . To do that I had to learn to forgive , find some kind of peace and build a new life . Having The List certainly has helped as well . I 'm not sure how , as I have been admittedly focused on and distracted by my personal life . Some days I hated going to work and frankly am not sure how I made it through certain days in any functional way . But there were many other days that I was grateful for the distraction and for having something that kept me busy and gave me some means of support and pride . I could have easily wasted the year cowering under my duvet feeling even more sorry for myself . While this has been a tough year , there are many people out there who aren 't as fortunate . I know I am lucky and I am grateful to still be gainfully employed . Fingers crossed the new year doesn 't end up with my head on the chopping block . But if it does , maybe I 'd do something more with that book proposal . I had this on my list because I 've often wondered if I could write a book . You know what they say , " Everyone has a book in them " . When I started this year , I didn 't really have any idea what this hypothetical fictional book would be about or if I even had a story in me that people would want to read . I worry that even if I do have a book in me , that that 's where it should stay : within me . Since I started writing this blog , however , I 've had some amazing and humbling feedback including many suggestions that I turn it into a book or screenplay . I 'm not sure it deserves that or even if I 'd want to use something so personal as the basis for a story , if not the story , but it has given me some food for thought . My gut says I should just let sleeping dogs be , writing a book proposal is different from publishing a book . Being born in Minnesota , I was on skates pretty much as soon as I could walk . I figure skated and played ice hockey and so spent a lot of time ( months of the year ! ) in and around ice rinks growing up . I absolutely loved skating when I was younger . There 's always been something special about ice skating : the smell of a rink , the brisk coldness of the air and that special feel when your skate hits the ice for the first time . And also of course the Zamboni ! Of all the words in the English language , I laugh almost every time I say the word Zamboni . It 's just such a funny word to say , I love it . ( For those of you who don 't know what a Zamboni is , it 's the machine that cleans and makes new ice ) . Like many things on The List , I have not skated in years . Every winter , I would see the festive rinks open and think , ' I must go skating this year ' but another year would pass without doing it . Despite it being something I once loved to do , I just didn 't make time for it . Luckily in London I had a few different options for checking this off The List : The Natural History Museum , Tower of London , Winter Wonderland and of course the winner , picturesque Somerset House . I was a bit worried that after so long I 'd have forgotten how to balance and that in any attempt to try to regain the skills I once had would have me face down on the ice with a subsequent trip to A & E for broken wrist . So I didn 't try any advanced moves and kept to the basics but I was beaming from ear to ear . I enjoyed it so much . Hopefully it won 't be another 20 years before I 'm back on the ice . . . I 'm not sure why this is on my list . In fact if I thought about the negative social and ethical aspects around supporting this activity I definitely would not do this . I think it was on my list because I 've long been curious what happens in these places and what it 's really like and so when I put my list together I thought this was one of the things I doubted I 'd ever be brave or bold enough to do . When I lived in New York it was not uncommon for girls to join their male friends going to Scores or some other higher - end ' gentleman 's club ' , but I was too much of a wimp and always made my way home instead . But that was before the days of Miley Cyrus twerking in prime time . Rightly or wrongly , sexy dancing / stripping has become main stream and so I thought that it was time to see what all the fuss is about . I have to say that , while I had a fun evening , that was down to the company of the friends that joined me , not because I actually enjoyed the experience itself . Last year I spent Christmas at my place for the first time in my life . I was alone for most of the time , for obvious reasons . London was too far away for my ageing parents / family to travel to at short notice , which worked out because I couldn 't have handled having guests anyway . As much as I love my family , it would have been too much . But nor could I go home , by myself , to the house I grew up in . I would have felt like even more of a failure than I already did to be showing up , by myself , like I did when I was 20 years old . I imagined everyone thinking , " Oh look at her , single at Christmas time , and at her age . How sad . " I needed to be in the comfort of my own home , alone with my cats . ( And get used to how I would likely spend the rest of my life : alone with the cats . ) The house may have been a bit empty and lonely at times but it was a safe and comfortable place for me to cry and be sad , which was exactly what I needed at the time . Truth be told it was a very enjoyable Christmas for me all things considered . Simple , straight - forward with no entanglements , stressful travel or difficult relations to deal with . Nor did I have to explain myself or lack of partner to distant relatives or parental friends . I felt bad letting my parents down but I didn 't need to make life any harder for myself than it already was . However , I knew I shouldn 't do that again and when I put my list together I hoped I 'd be able to handle Christmas with family this year . So I braved the roads and airport , ( even stealing a cheeky photo booth kiss in the process ) and am happy to say that I have made it back to my childhood home this year for Christmas . And while I may have arrived on my own , I 'm totally ok with that because I know there are people out there who care about , and even love , me . Childish I know . I 'm a middle - aged woman for goodness sake . Still , there 's a naughty little teenager lurking underneath my respectable exterior . English Wine : While Britain , particularly the southeastern parts of Sussex and Kent , has similar soil to that in Champagne region , Britain 's cold and rainy weather has historically made it difficult to make good wine . Luckily , the warm weather of recent years has changed that . English Sparkling wine is leading the way and there was recently an English Sparkling that made it into the top 10 Sparkling wines in the world . I have to say I really enjoyed mine . Never in my wildest dreams did I think I 'd achieve this . I was lucky to be functioning enough to get out of bed in the morning , let alone actually write a blog / journal about what I was doing ; a blog that was really only meant for me , to enable me to look back and see how far I 'd come . I never really intended to reach that many people or for it to have much of an audience . But it seems like there are quite a few people out there who have liked what I 've been doing . I 've had some great feedback about the blog ; it seems to have struck a cord and inspired a few people to start Lists of their own . I am humbled and grateful for the support . Earlier this year I did a big clean out of both my and my ex 's belongings . Some things I gave to charity , others I threw out , and still others I kept as I thought I might want / need in the future . Having a year 's distance on my old life , however I 've come to realise that there were a few things I was still literally holding onto that I needed to get rid of as they were clogging up not only my living room , but also my life . So bye bye old chair and sofa . So long the dress my ex liked but I thought was hideous . Adios fancy - brand notepad that serves no real purpose . I 've decluttered further and earned a few bob at the same time . Borough market is one of London 's oldest food markets and while it is open to the trade 6 days a week , it is only open to the public Thursday - Saturday . It is a charming Victorian market that sells an eclectic mix of local staples and exotic food from Europe and beyond . It 's a foodies paradise , though not somewhere to come with a thin wallet . The food is great , but it does come at a price . This is not your average weekly shop , so come hungry and you 'll find a choice of food adventures to chose from . This past weekend I went to see a celebrity reading of Dickens A Christmas Carol at Southbank Centre . When I originally booked this I thought I 'd kill two birds with one stone , namely go to a book reading AND go to a Christmas concert . On reflection though I thought that was kind of cheating so I found a different book reading to go to . It had been a few years since I had heard the story of Scrooge and Marley , and I was pleasantly surprised that the tale of Tiny Tim 's survival was just as heart warming as I remembered it being when I was a kid . I 'll see your Bah Humbug and raise you a very ' Merry Christmas to us all ; God bless us , every one ! ' I love these festive and crafty temporary stores which are geared to separating as many people as possible from their dosh in exchange for sometimes - questionable Christmas tat . For me nothing screams ' Christmas shopping ' like people bundled up in winter coats and scarves , walking en mass as slowly as my ( long dead ) grandmother , craning to see whether the goods in the next stall are worth fighting against the stream of people , like a salmon swimming upstream , or whether to continue to follow the slow moving herd . Throw in some cold weather , mulled wine and under cooked bratwursts and you forget that in addition to presents for your loved ones you 're pretty much guaranteed to bring a winter cold home as well . This was another one of my ' get out of jail free ' cards when I originally made my list . Being somewhat lazy and intellectual by nature , I would regularly while away hours ( days ? ) reading the papers on the sofa in my previous life . I put this on the list to give me an out and not feel guilty about doing something simple that I enjoy . Royal Albert Hall is a grand Victorian concert hall that borders Hyde Park in the posh London borough of South Kensington . Known for hosting the annual summer Proms , a classical concert series that runs for 8 weeks every summer , The Albert Hall was built in 1851 as part of The Great Exhibition , and has continued to be a popular music and event venue ever since . The building 's architecture is stunning and whether it 's The Proms , Tennis , Cirque du Soleil , Choral performance or Rock concert , visitors are guaranteed a charming and unique setting . Like my item go to a Museum in Paris , this is on my list as an item I feel like I should do rather than one I particularly wanted to do . One of the reasons I like living in a city like London ( or New York ) is the culture I can / could be exposed to . But like anything , being surrounded by great art and museums that I can go to at anytime means that I rarely actually go . But I do like my beverages cold so the idea of visiting an IceBar is something that I felt like I should try at least once in my life . I can report that my Amaretto did not need to be put on the rocks , as it was already - 5C . And while I 'm glad I tried this , I can say that I 'm much more comfortable in heated surroundings with ice in my glass rather than ice FOR my glass . Friend : " Yes , how about next week . " Me : " Sounds good , except next week I 'm pretty busy . Let me get back to you about the week after . " . . . And I never do . Now that I 'm dating someone , doing movie night with friends is even harder . Finding the right balance between time with friends and a new love interest can be challenging , but one of the lessons I learned from my break up is that I need to make more time for new and old friends . Happily I 've managed to carve out two movie nights with friends recently . While the films haven 't been great , the time spent with friends definitely has been . The Dorchester is one of London 's most famous and luxurious hotels . Located on Park Lane and overlooking Hyde Park , The Dorchester Ballroom is an art deco tour de force that holds up to 1 , 000 people and hosts some pretty glamorous evenings and events . Now I 'm not really a fan of dressing up , but if I have to do it I 'd rather go all out and it doesn 't get much more fancy than Black tie at the Dorchester . Attending something like this with strangers making small talk over dinner is not necessarily how I prefer to spend an evening frankly and certainly when I made my list at the start of the year the idea of being able to go out for a night without crying was daunting . But I 'm glad to say I made it through the evening and people there would have no idea how hard it was for me . It almost looked as if I was enjoying myself . No mean feat . The Paramount Bar has long been on my cocktail bar wish list and not just because it has a reputation for good cocktails . At 31 stories high , it is in one of London 's tallest buildings and has to be the best viewing point in all of central London . With 360 degree views , you can see most of London from Tower Bridge and St Paul 's in the East to Westminster , Big Ben and the Wheel in the West . And the cocktails weren 't bad either . We 've all seen those programs on TV that show people buying things ( a house , chair or lamp , for example ) at auction . A packed room full of people , placards with numbers on them being repeatedly raised while someone who talks really fast says things that you don 't really understand , followed by a few intelligible numbers . And * clack * with a bang , the hammer goes down and is sold to the lucky person with number 121 sign . Well , I thought it 'd be fun to see what a live auction is like , just to see mind you , not with any intention of buying anything . The atmosphere got to me however and I saw a lovely little chest of drawers that looked unloved . . . And like it 'd go great in my living room . Unfortunately when it went up for bidding it wasn 't nearly as unloved as I thought it might be , but in the end still managed to bring it home without going over my stated ( and very limited ) spend . It was an enjoyable afternoon and certainly a better way of getting furniture than from Ikea . Finding out only weeks after we agreed to take time out that my ex was already ' seeing ' a ' friend ' sent me spinning even more than our shock separation . My world literally was turned upside down and I started looking back on everything I held most dear and wondered if this life I had loved had been true after all . Questions like : When had it really started ? Those times I came home from work and saw them at the kitchen table , had it been going on in my house under my nose ? ( They swear , no . I 'm not so sure . ) How could I have let something like this happen ? How had I totally missed the signs that my partner was that unhappy with me ? Despite having a humorous facade , my ex is not generally a happy person and was not happy at the time we broke up . I knew that . It wasn 't a secret . I didn 't have my head THAT far in the sand . But having to close your own business and reevaluate what you do for a living is tough on anyone ( and their family ) . I thought I had been very supportive and understanding throughout it all . I knew the pain of business failure because I 'd been through similar with my own business a few years before . We had weathered that storm together so I figured we 'd weather this one . In the meantime , I was working harder than ever at work to ensure I didn 't lose my job and we didn 't lose the house we loved . My ex seemed increasingly resentful and distant but I had ( wrongly , and perhaps unfairly ) chalked it up to seeing me busy and succeeding where my ex wasn 't . Regardless , I had thought it was only a temporary blip and small price to pay for keeping a roof over our collective heads . We were partners after all and our happy times would resume once this storm had passed . No relationship is blissfully happy all the time after all . Life unfortunately sometimes gets in the way . On reflection , the real warning sign was that my ex was also having trouble adjusting to the idea of being middle aged . I noticed more frequent referencing of the joyous University and post Uni years : talking of drink and all nighters . The silExcept it did . No amount of time passing will ever change that . It is something that still hurts incredibly deeply and I 'm not sure I will ever completely recover from . But I 'm trying . . . and hoping I can learn to love and trust again . Photo : blueskyimage / shutterstock It 's now been a year since my old relationship broke down . A year ago , I was devastated and couldn 't believe the life and relationship I loved for 9 years seemed to be ending . Only weeks before I was made goddaughter to the Niece ( for life , right ? ) and we were talking about our would - be wedding guest list ( NOT at my instigation , I might add . I was content as we were . ) More than one set of friends said that they had always looked up to our relationship as both a great friendship and a model partnership and how utterly shocked and saddened they were to learn we had split . While I blame myself for a lot of things , over time I 've realised that it takes two for a relationship to fail . Although I would have done whatever it took to make it work , my ex wasn 't interested in even trying . 9 years literally were thrown away at the spur of the moment one morning before I went to work , when I casually said that I noticed that things were a bit distant and I wanted to work on getting closer again . ( I thought it was jet lag , since we had just come back from a holiday in the US a few days before . . . how wrong I was ! ) Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened had I never uttered those fateful words . . . If I 'd just left the house that day without saying anything and just intending to make more of an effort myself . Would my ex ever have had the guts to bring it up or would we have coasted through that lull like we had at other times over the years and regained the closeness we had previously always found our way back to ? While I know such questions are not particularly helpful for moving forward , I can 't deny wondering how differently things might have played out had I not unwittingly opened the door for my ex to leave that morning . That was how quickly things ended . I woke up , grabbed a coffee and on the way out the door ( my coat on ) I bent down to kiss my love good bye and in addition to saying ' have a good day ' , also said : ' Things seem distant with us , I want to make an effort to get closer again . ' The response of ' What 's the pReactions : Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest The City of Lights and Romance . There is just something about Paris that makes you want to walk hand in hand , arm in arm . We spent a lovely day walking around the City and watched the sunset from The Trocadero . When the lights on the Eiffel Tower went on , it capped an amazing day . When I put my list together , this was one I never would have guessed I 'd be able to do . I was daydreaming when I wrote it down , thinking about things I 'd likely never do again . To be able to do so in such an authentic way this year is more than I could ever have asked or imagined . Kissing under the Eiffel Tower ? Check ! Reactions : Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest One of the great benefits of living in London is how easy it is to travel . Being within 15 minutes of the Eurostar makes it even easier , though it 's not something I do very often . Living in New York , a 3 hour train ride might get me to Boston or Washington D . C . From London , I can get to Paris , Brussels , Amsterdam and many other places in between . . . assuming I actually plan ahead and book it . Going to a museum in Paris is on my list because it 's one of the things I feel like I should do . . . like eating my vegetables . Reactions : Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Now you may have been wondering who the ' we ' is I occasionally have mentioned . Well , I have a little confession to make : I met someone speed dating ( see number 20 ) and while we 've been taking things relatively slowly , we have been officially seeing each other since the spring . I haven 't wanted to mention it on the blog because a ) I don 't want to jinx it and b ) the blog is about the list not necessarily about my love life . There are a few things I put on my list , like ' go away on holiday with someone special ' , that I honestly thought would never ever happen , ever again . . . let alone in 2013 . I was convinced when I wrote the list that this was one I would never cross off . That I was a dried - up , has - been destined for a life alone with my cats , going on holiday by myself for the rest of my life . For those of you not familiar with tubing , it 's quite simple : Blow up an inflatable tube and drag it ( and multiple other ones ) behind a speed boat at full speed . It 's like water skiing except with other people along side ping ponging into you . You have to hold on tight to keep from being bounced overboard , though I found it helps if your backside is large enough to wedge yourself securely into the tube ( like mine ! ) . I think it was the first time in my life that I was thankful for having a bigger bum because I was firmly wedged in and not as likely to go flying . But I still had to hold on tight when we went around the curves . It was like Newton 's Cradle , smashing into another tube and sending it flying out across the wake only to have it return to hit you back out across the wake yourself . So much fun ! Like sailing , I haven 't been water skiing ( or snow skiing for that matter ) in some time . They say that once you 've learned it 's like riding a bike - - you get right up . I suppose it depends on what your definition of up is , as I face planted on my first attempt . Some are easy , some hard . Some just an idea rather than a must do . Some silly . Some serious . Some worthy . Some frivoulous . It 's not a complete list but it 's a start . Certain things are meant to be private . It started as 100 things to do , but I 've broken through that , so now it 's 200 + things to do . Feel free to comment or share ideas . Twitter Feed The City of Lights and Romance . There is just something about Paris that makes you want to walk hand in hand , arm in arm . We spent a lo . . .
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I recently had a milestone birthday and my long - term relationship ended . Starting my life over again , I made a list of 100 + things I 've been meaning to do but never quite made the time . People have asked what I 've done and what 's on my list . So here it is . Follow me as I complete the things on my Break Up Bucket List . Now updated to 300 + things on my New Life List . It is often said that it is harder to forgive yourself than someone else . I know I 'm not perfect ( far from it ) and can be difficult at times . I 've have spent a lot of time this year blaming myself and my foibles for the collapse of my relationship . How could I have been so trusting ? How did I not see it coming ? Why did I not stop them spending so much time together ? Why did I let us drift so far apart ? If only I had been nicer , lost weight sooner , wore trendier clothes , was funnier , paid more attention , was less serious , made more friends , laughed at the jokes more , laughed at the jokes harder , worked less , had a more trendy job , had better interests , made more money . If only my family didn 't drive people nuts . . . if only , if only , if only . I 've spent the last year pinpointing my vast short comings and what I did to drive my Ex away . As any reader of this blog can see , I 'm quite adept at coming up with lists and in this regard I excelled and surpassed myself with a never ending list of ways I came up short and ruined things . How it was really all my fault . I have an inner , and not very kind , voice in the back of my head that tells me I 'm not good enough , pretty enough , nice enough , thin enough , etc for someone to love me , which was silenced ( mostly ) during the 9 years we were together . Having someone who knew me so well walk away , and with someone else , makes it difficult to believe it 's not true ; difficult to believe I didn 't deserve it and somehow have it coming . That it was my fault . I have spent sleepness nights on the bathroom floor , at the kitchen table , or in bed crying over the myriad of ways I let my love and myself down . Despite that , I 'm learning to forgive myself for my many failings , even as I work hard to make sure I don 't repeat my mistakes as I go forward . It takes two to make a relationship work , and a relationship is work sometimes . If only forgiving oneself was as easy as forgiving someone else , I 'd be fine . I 'm not sure I 've entirely cracked this one , but I 'm well on my way . . . Wow , this is a big one to tick off . A few months ago , I was asked about forgiveness in an interview for the Huffington Post and whether I had forgiven my ex or not . I was not yet ready to forgive at that point , so I said the only thing that came to mind : " Forgiveness . . . that 's tough . The other F word ! " No matter how much I wanted to move on , forgive and forget , my heart wasn 't ready then . I was still bitter , hurt and angry . More time has past since then , however , and with time comes more distance and greater understanding . I still see my Ex fairly regularly , mostly to let my Ex see the cats . We are cordial , but reserved . I 'll get the low down on what 's going on in family and work life and hear the latest stories about my goddaughter , the niece . The new GF is never mentioned . I find it odd and somewhat confusing at times that my ex still ends most of our visits in tears , more than a year later . It was not my choice ; this was what you supposedly wanted , I want to say , but I don 't . I know in my heart that it is not me the tears are for but for our pets , the house and the life we had together . But not me . I may have helped build and provide that life , but it is not me that is missed . It is a very fine but important distinction . My Ex was unhappy - - I thought with life . It turns out it was with both life and with me . I was a big part of my Ex 's life so in retrospect I can now see how it seemed to make sense to cut me loose and start fresh . It was the one area of life my Ex had complete control over . There had been no premeditated plan to break up with me that morning , but when I unwittingly spoke those fateful , and fatal , words it opened a door for my Ex to walk out and make changes . I have no doubt that my Ex would not have left me if the new girlfriend had not been lurking around . Like a bad penny she was always showing up but I loved and trusted . They worked together and bonded over their mutual interest , but after 9 years I loved and trusted that was all there was to it . It was only in retrospect that the words my Ex uttered that morning made sense : " I love you . I 'm not unhappy , it 's just I think I could be happier with someone else . " Looking back , that was why my Ex had no interest in trying to work things out , consciously or unconsciously . I 'll never know what really happened between them and when . I had asked at the time if there was someone specific in mind and was told no . . . and I believed that . What I do know is that they spent last Christmas , which was only a few weeks after we split , together with my Ex 's family , and I was told by friends that they effectively had moved in together by January . . . THAT and the lies surrounding it all have been the hardest to forgive . Break ups are not easy , but they happen . Being left for another woman , however , is a different level of soul ( and trust ) destroying . Because of that , in some way , I will always probably hurt in some way . But they did what they needed to do . Even if I didn 't understand it at the time , I can now appreciate the possibility that they did me a favour and spared me from spending the rest of my life as a safety net or consolation prize . I am working hard to try to heal those wounds that have left my heart bruised , battered and torn apart . There were times this past year when I missed my friend , my love , my life , but I have had to let go and move on . To do that I had to learn to forgive , find some kind of peace and build a new life . Having The List certainly has helped as well . I 'm not sure how , as I have been admittedly focused on and distracted by my personal life . Some days I hated going to work and frankly am not sure how I made it through certain days in any functional way . But there were many other days that I was grateful for the distraction and for having something that kept me busy and gave me some means of support and pride . I could have easily wasted the year cowering under my duvet feeling even more sorry for myself . While this has been a tough year , there are many people out there who aren 't as fortunate . I know I am lucky and I am grateful to still be gainfully employed . Fingers crossed the new year doesn 't end up with my head on the chopping block . But if it does , maybe I 'd do something more with that book proposal . I had this on my list because I 've often wondered if I could write a book . You know what they say , " Everyone has a book in them " . When I started this year , I didn 't really have any idea what this hypothetical fictional book would be about or if I even had a story in me that people would want to read . I worry that even if I do have a book in me , that that 's where it should stay : within me . Since I started writing this blog , however , I 've had some amazing and humbling feedback including many suggestions that I turn it into a book or screenplay . I 'm not sure it deserves that or even if I 'd want to use something so personal as the basis for a story , if not the story , but it has given me some food for thought . My gut says I should just let sleeping dogs be , writing a book proposal is different from publishing a book . Being born in Minnesota , I was on skates pretty much as soon as I could walk . I figure skated and played ice hockey and so spent a lot of time ( months of the year ! ) in and around ice rinks growing up . I absolutely loved skating when I was younger . There 's always been something special about ice skating : the smell of a rink , the brisk coldness of the air and that special feel when your skate hits the ice for the first time . And also of course the Zamboni ! Of all the words in the English language , I laugh almost every time I say the word Zamboni . It 's just such a funny word to say , I love it . ( For those of you who don 't know what a Zamboni is , it 's the machine that cleans and makes new ice ) . Like many things on The List , I have not skated in years . Every winter , I would see the festive rinks open and think , ' I must go skating this year ' but another year would pass without doing it . Despite it being something I once loved to do , I just didn 't make time for it . Luckily in London I had a few different options for checking this off The List : The Natural History Museum , Tower of London , Winter Wonderland and of course the winner , picturesque Somerset House . I was a bit worried that after so long I 'd have forgotten how to balance and that in any attempt to try to regain the skills I once had would have me face down on the ice with a subsequent trip to A & E for broken wrist . So I didn 't try any advanced moves and kept to the basics but I was beaming from ear to ear . I enjoyed it so much . Hopefully it won 't be another 20 years before I 'm back on the ice . . . I 'm not sure why this is on my list . In fact if I thought about the negative social and ethical aspects around supporting this activity I definitely would not do this . I think it was on my list because I 've long been curious what happens in these places and what it 's really like and so when I put my list together I thought this was one of the things I doubted I 'd ever be brave or bold enough to do . When I lived in New York it was not uncommon for girls to join their male friends going to Scores or some other higher - end ' gentleman 's club ' , but I was too much of a wimp and always made my way home instead . But that was before the days of Miley Cyrus twerking in prime time . Rightly or wrongly , sexy dancing / stripping has become main stream and so I thought that it was time to see what all the fuss is about . I have to say that , while I had a fun evening , that was down to the company of the friends that joined me , not because I actually enjoyed the experience itself . Last year I spent Christmas at my place for the first time in my life . I was alone for most of the time , for obvious reasons . London was too far away for my ageing parents / family to travel to at short notice , which worked out because I couldn 't have handled having guests anyway . As much as I love my family , it would have been too much . But nor could I go home , by myself , to the house I grew up in . I would have felt like even more of a failure than I already did to be showing up , by myself , like I did when I was 20 years old . I imagined everyone thinking , " Oh look at her , single at Christmas time , and at her age . How sad . " I needed to be in the comfort of my own home , alone with my cats . ( And get used to how I would likely spend the rest of my life : alone with the cats . ) The house may have been a bit empty and lonely at times but it was a safe and comfortable place for me to cry and be sad , which was exactly what I needed at the time . Truth be told it was a very enjoyable Christmas for me all things considered . Simple , straight - forward with no entanglements , stressful travel or difficult relations to deal with . Nor did I have to explain myself or lack of partner to distant relatives or parental friends . I felt bad letting my parents down but I didn 't need to make life any harder for myself than it already was . However , I knew I shouldn 't do that again and when I put my list together I hoped I 'd be able to handle Christmas with family this year . So I braved the roads and airport , ( even stealing a cheeky photo booth kiss in the process ) and am happy to say that I have made it back to my childhood home this year for Christmas . And while I may have arrived on my own , I 'm totally ok with that because I know there are people out there who care about , and even love , me . Childish I know . I 'm a middle - aged woman for goodness sake . Still , there 's a naughty little teenager lurking underneath my respectable exterior . English Wine : While Britain , particularly the southeastern parts of Sussex and Kent , has similar soil to that in Champagne region , Britain 's cold and rainy weather has historically made it difficult to make good wine . Luckily , the warm weather of recent years has changed that . English Sparkling wine is leading the way and there was recently an English Sparkling that made it into the top 10 Sparkling wines in the world . I have to say I really enjoyed mine . Never in my wildest dreams did I think I 'd achieve this . I was lucky to be functioning enough to get out of bed in the morning , let alone actually write a blog / journal about what I was doing ; a blog that was really only meant for me , to enable me to look back and see how far I 'd come . I never really intended to reach that many people or for it to have much of an audience . But it seems like there are quite a few people out there who have liked what I 've been doing . I 've had some great feedback about the blog ; it seems to have struck a cord and inspired a few people to start Lists of their own . I am humbled and grateful for the support . Earlier this year I did a big clean out of both my and my ex 's belongings . Some things I gave to charity , others I threw out , and still others I kept as I thought I might want / need in the future . Having a year 's distance on my old life , however I 've come to realise that there were a few things I was still literally holding onto that I needed to get rid of as they were clogging up not only my living room , but also my life . So bye bye old chair and sofa . So long the dress my ex liked but I thought was hideous . Adios fancy - brand notepad that serves no real purpose . I 've decluttered further and earned a few bob at the same time . Borough market is one of London 's oldest food markets and while it is open to the trade 6 days a week , it is only open to the public Thursday - Saturday . It is a charming Victorian market that sells an eclectic mix of local staples and exotic food from Europe and beyond . It 's a foodies paradise , though not somewhere to come with a thin wallet . The food is great , but it does come at a price . This is not your average weekly shop , so come hungry and you 'll find a choice of food adventures to chose from . This past weekend I went to see a celebrity reading of Dickens A Christmas Carol at Southbank Centre . When I originally booked this I thought I 'd kill two birds with one stone , namely go to a book reading AND go to a Christmas concert . On reflection though I thought that was kind of cheating so I found a different book reading to go to . It had been a few years since I had heard the story of Scrooge and Marley , and I was pleasantly surprised that the tale of Tiny Tim 's survival was just as heart warming as I remembered it being when I was a kid . I 'll see your Bah Humbug and raise you a very ' Merry Christmas to us all ; God bless us , every one ! ' I love these festive and crafty temporary stores which are geared to separating as many people as possible from their dosh in exchange for sometimes - questionable Christmas tat . For me nothing screams ' Christmas shopping ' like people bundled up in winter coats and scarves , walking en mass as slowly as my ( long dead ) grandmother , craning to see whether the goods in the next stall are worth fighting against the stream of people , like a salmon swimming upstream , or whether to continue to follow the slow moving herd . Throw in some cold weather , mulled wine and under cooked bratwursts and you forget that in addition to presents for your loved ones you 're pretty much guaranteed to bring a winter cold home as well . This was another one of my ' get out of jail free ' cards when I originally made my list . Being somewhat lazy and intellectual by nature , I would regularly while away hours ( days ? ) reading the papers on the sofa in my previous life . I put this on the list to give me an out and not feel guilty about doing something simple that I enjoy . Royal Albert Hall is a grand Victorian concert hall that borders Hyde Park in the posh London borough of South Kensington . Known for hosting the annual summer Proms , a classical concert series that runs for 8 weeks every summer , The Albert Hall was built in 1851 as part of The Great Exhibition , and has continued to be a popular music and event venue ever since . The building 's architecture is stunning and whether it 's The Proms , Tennis , Cirque du Soleil , Choral performance or Rock concert , visitors are guaranteed a charming and unique setting . Like my item go to a Museum in Paris , this is on my list as an item I feel like I should do rather than one I particularly wanted to do . One of the reasons I like living in a city like London ( or New York ) is the culture I can / could be exposed to . But like anything , being surrounded by great art and museums that I can go to at anytime means that I rarely actually go . But I do like my beverages cold so the idea of visiting an IceBar is something that I felt like I should try at least once in my life . I can report that my Amaretto did not need to be put on the rocks , as it was already - 5C . And while I 'm glad I tried this , I can say that I 'm much more comfortable in heated surroundings with ice in my glass rather than ice FOR my glass . Friend : " Yes , how about next week . " Me : " Sounds good , except next week I 'm pretty busy . Let me get back to you about the week after . " . . . And I never do . Now that I 'm dating someone , doing movie night with friends is even harder . Finding the right balance between time with friends and a new love interest can be challenging , but one of the lessons I learned from my break up is that I need to make more time for new and old friends . Happily I 've managed to carve out two movie nights with friends recently . While the films haven 't been great , the time spent with friends definitely has been . The Dorchester is one of London 's most famous and luxurious hotels . Located on Park Lane and overlooking Hyde Park , The Dorchester Ballroom is an art deco tour de force that holds up to 1 , 000 people and hosts some pretty glamorous evenings and events . Now I 'm not really a fan of dressing up , but if I have to do it I 'd rather go all out and it doesn 't get much more fancy than Black tie at the Dorchester . Attending something like this with strangers making small talk over dinner is not necessarily how I prefer to spend an evening frankly and certainly when I made my list at the start of the year the idea of being able to go out for a night without crying was daunting . But I 'm glad to say I made it through the evening and people there would have no idea how hard it was for me . It almost looked as if I was enjoying myself . No mean feat . The Paramount Bar has long been on my cocktail bar wish list and not just because it has a reputation for good cocktails . At 31 stories high , it is in one of London 's tallest buildings and has to be the best viewing point in all of central London . With 360 degree views , you can see most of London from Tower Bridge and St Paul 's in the East to Westminster , Big Ben and the Wheel in the West . And the cocktails weren 't bad either . We 've all seen those programs on TV that show people buying things ( a house , chair or lamp , for example ) at auction . A packed room full of people , placards with numbers on them being repeatedly raised while someone who talks really fast says things that you don 't really understand , followed by a few intelligible numbers . And * clack * with a bang , the hammer goes down and is sold to the lucky person with number 121 sign . Well , I thought it 'd be fun to see what a live auction is like , just to see mind you , not with any intention of buying anything . The atmosphere got to me however and I saw a lovely little chest of drawers that looked unloved . . . And like it 'd go great in my living room . Unfortunately when it went up for bidding it wasn 't nearly as unloved as I thought it might be , but in the end still managed to bring it home without going over my stated ( and very limited ) spend . It was an enjoyable afternoon and certainly a better way of getting furniture than from Ikea . Finding out only weeks after we agreed to take time out that my ex was already ' seeing ' a ' friend ' sent me spinning even more than our shock separation . My world literally was turned upside down and I started looking back on everything I held most dear and wondered if this life I had loved had been true after all . Questions like : When had it really started ? Those times I came home from work and saw them at the kitchen table , had it been going on in my house under my nose ? ( They swear , no . I 'm not so sure . ) How could I have let something like this happen ? How had I totally missed the signs that my partner was that unhappy with me ? Despite having a humorous facade , my ex is not generally a happy person and was not happy at the time we broke up . I knew that . It wasn 't a secret . I didn 't have my head THAT far in the sand . But having to close your own business and reevaluate what you do for a living is tough on anyone ( and their family ) . I thought I had been very supportive and understanding throughout it all . I knew the pain of business failure because I 'd been through similar with my own business a few years before . We had weathered that storm together so I figured we 'd weather this one . In the meantime , I was working harder than ever at work to ensure I didn 't lose my job and we didn 't lose the house we loved . My ex seemed increasingly resentful and distant but I had ( wrongly , and perhaps unfairly ) chalked it up to seeing me busy and succeeding where my ex wasn 't . Regardless , I had thought it was only a temporary blip and small price to pay for keeping a roof over our collective heads . We were partners after all and our happy times would resume once this storm had passed . No relationship is blissfully happy all the time after all . Life unfortunately sometimes gets in the way . On reflection , the real warning sign was that my ex was also having trouble adjusting to the idea of being middle aged . I noticed more frequent referencing of the joyous University and post Uni years : talking of drink and all nighters . The silExcept it did . No amount of time passing will ever change that . It is something that still hurts incredibly deeply and I 'm not sure I will ever completely recover from . But I 'm trying . . . and hoping I can learn to love and trust again . Photo : blueskyimage / shutterstock It 's now been a year since my old relationship broke down . A year ago , I was devastated and couldn 't believe the life and relationship I loved for 9 years seemed to be ending . Only weeks before I was made goddaughter to the Niece ( for life , right ? ) and we were talking about our would - be wedding guest list ( NOT at my instigation , I might add . I was content as we were . ) More than one set of friends said that they had always looked up to our relationship as both a great friendship and a model partnership and how utterly shocked and saddened they were to learn we had split . While I blame myself for a lot of things , over time I 've realised that it takes two for a relationship to fail . Although I would have done whatever it took to make it work , my ex wasn 't interested in even trying . 9 years literally were thrown away at the spur of the moment one morning before I went to work , when I casually said that I noticed that things were a bit distant and I wanted to work on getting closer again . ( I thought it was jet lag , since we had just come back from a holiday in the US a few days before . . . how wrong I was ! ) Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened had I never uttered those fateful words . . . If I 'd just left the house that day without saying anything and just intending to make more of an effort myself . Would my ex ever have had the guts to bring it up or would we have coasted through that lull like we had at other times over the years and regained the closeness we had previously always found our way back to ? While I know such questions are not particularly helpful for moving forward , I can 't deny wondering how differently things might have played out had I not unwittingly opened the door for my ex to leave that morning . That was how quickly things ended . I woke up , grabbed a coffee and on the way out the door ( my coat on ) I bent down to kiss my love good bye and in addition to saying ' have a good day ' , also said : ' Things seem distant with us , I want to make an effort to get closer again . ' The response of ' What 's the pReactions : Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest The City of Lights and Romance . There is just something about Paris that makes you want to walk hand in hand , arm in arm . We spent a lovely day walking around the City and watched the sunset from The Trocadero . When the lights on the Eiffel Tower went on , it capped an amazing day . When I put my list together , this was one I never would have guessed I 'd be able to do . I was daydreaming when I wrote it down , thinking about things I 'd likely never do again . To be able to do so in such an authentic way this year is more than I could ever have asked or imagined . Kissing under the Eiffel Tower ? Check ! Reactions : Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest One of the great benefits of living in London is how easy it is to travel . Being within 15 minutes of the Eurostar makes it even easier , though it 's not something I do very often . Living in New York , a 3 hour train ride might get me to Boston or Washington D . C . From London , I can get to Paris , Brussels , Amsterdam and many other places in between . . . assuming I actually plan ahead and book it . Going to a museum in Paris is on my list because it 's one of the things I feel like I should do . . . like eating my vegetables . Reactions : Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Now you may have been wondering who the ' we ' is I occasionally have mentioned . Well , I have a little confession to make : I met someone speed dating ( see number 20 ) and while we 've been taking things relatively slowly , we have been officially seeing each other since the spring . I haven 't wanted to mention it on the blog because a ) I don 't want to jinx it and b ) the blog is about the list not necessarily about my love life . There are a few things I put on my list , like ' go away on holiday with someone special ' , that I honestly thought would never ever happen , ever again . . . let alone in 2013 . I was convinced when I wrote the list that this was one I would never cross off . That I was a dried - up , has - been destined for a life alone with my cats , going on holiday by myself for the rest of my life . For those of you not familiar with tubing , it 's quite simple : Blow up an inflatable tube and drag it ( and multiple other ones ) behind a speed boat at full speed . It 's like water skiing except with other people along side ping ponging into you . You have to hold on tight to keep from being bounced overboard , though I found it helps if your backside is large enough to wedge yourself securely into the tube ( like mine ! ) . I think it was the first time in my life that I was thankful for having a bigger bum because I was firmly wedged in and not as likely to go flying . But I still had to hold on tight when we went around the curves . It was like Newton 's Cradle , smashing into another tube and sending it flying out across the wake only to have it return to hit you back out across the wake yourself . So much fun ! Like sailing , I haven 't been water skiing ( or snow skiing for that matter ) in some time . They say that once you 've learned it 's like riding a bike - - you get right up . I suppose it depends on what your definition of up is , as I face planted on my first attempt . Some are easy , some hard . Some just an idea rather than a must do . Some silly . Some serious . Some worthy . Some frivoulous . It 's not a complete list but it 's a start . Certain things are meant to be private . It started as 100 things to do , but I 've broken through that , so now it 's 200 + things to do . Feel free to comment or share ideas . Twitter Feed The City of Lights and Romance . There is just something about Paris that makes you want to walk hand in hand , arm in arm . We spent a lo . . .
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byHedonis © It started out to be a beautiful day . The sun was shining , and the gentle breeze made the early fall day pleasant and enjoyable . A perfect day to do almost anything out doors . So it was that nineteen year old Todd , along with his eighteen year old friend Mark decided to go for a long hike into the woods that butted up against the edge of the town that they lived in . Mark had lived there most of his life , while Todd had only been around for three years . The two were great friends , and had been out into the wilderness many times , digging around the hills , and streams , and valleys , exploring whatever they could find . They stopped off at the local convenience store - which had once been a Quick Trip , but had since been turned into just a mom - and - pop sort of general store . Todd , tall and slim , was friends with the owners , and so they were a little relaxed in what they sold him on occasion . It was that type of town , where people were friendly , and many of them seemed to know one another . Todd and Mark entered , and walked around the place , trying to decide what to take with them , that they didn 't already have . Mark grabbed a pair of tall , plastic bottles of Coke . Todd , meanwhile , had collected some sandwiches , some beef jerky , and a bag of chips . They went to the counter , where Mark picked up two candy bars , and they slid all the stuff toward the clerk , who was a middle - aged man . He was actually the owner , and Todd greeted him . " We will , " Todd assured him , and the pair of boys exited the store . They stopped outside , only long enough to put their new purchases into their backpacks , and then headed out into the woods . As they neared the edge of town , and prepared to head into the trees , Mark looked back , and shrugged under the light blue sky and bright sun shine . They walked along , at first walking through so much familiar territory . Landmarks were plentiful , with big stones , and trees with initials carved into them played out like a map . They had walked most of the woods south of the river , but had not been to the other side . It had not rained for weeks , and the water level was low . As they emerged from the trees and looked at the river , the thought occurred to each of them at the same time . They walked down to the edge of the water , which was hardly moving , and looked down into it . Both were instantly drawn to the sight of a small fish as it zipped by , and the pair exchanged a quick glance , almost as if to acknowledge that the other had seen it . They then splashed into the shallow water , careful to watch their footing , as there were still sink holes . Soon enough , though , they had crossed over , and they were on the other side , looking back at where they had come from . They set out into the woods , now excited by the premise that they were somewhere that most of the kids from their town had never been to . The river was never that low , and so now this was truly a pioneer expedition among their friends . The stories they could tell , the places they could talk about , all made their way into conversation as the pair continued through the thick brush . The trees towered above them , and Mark looked up at the ceiling of green . He looked back down at the sound of Todd 's voice as it filled the air once again . " Well , it 's kind of a bomb , Todd , " Mark said . " I 'm not pissed or anything . Hang on a minute , and tell me a little more . " " Oh , " Todd said . " Well , I was sitting around , and thinking that we never really get girls , man . Kind of depressing , and I know it will happen , but it gets hard waiting around , doesn 't it ? " " Well , " Mark said , " it does sound strange , I 'll grant you . You know what though ? It actually could be a good idea . I mean , who better to help out a friend , than a friend ? " " Sure , why not ? " Todd asked . " We could find some place where we 're sure no one 's around , and do each other a favor . " They continued to walk along , talking about many things , including school and girls , and how it was supposed to storm , but the sky was still very blue . The trees swayed as the pair walked through a narrow track , examining a sharp incline ahead of them . They began to ascend it , making their way out of the low lands near the river . Both of them had heard that there were high , forested hills on the other side of the river , and that the woods were deep . At the top of the track , the ground leveled off , and the pair stopped . Both stared ahead at the ground , which looked to be a path , leading further into the woods . There was a low rumble behind them , and Todd turned back . He looked into the blue sky , trying to see if any clouds had formed up , but couldn 't see any . He turned back to the path . Their journey along the path was more silent , as now their trip seemed more ominous . Soon , they found that the woods , though no different from the trees and shrubs on the other side , presented a very dark and sinister setting . Even worse , the sky had indeed begun to darken above them . Todd looked ahead , and froze . Mark was looking up at the sky . " Man , it is going to storm , " Mark said . He was still looking up , and didn 't notice that Todd had stopped . He crashed into Todd , and they each took a step back from one another as the first drop of rain began to fall . Todd turned back toward the clearing ahead , and Mark 's eyes followed Todd 's . " No kidding , let 's go ! " Mark said , running toward the structure , that was barely visible through the trees . Todd gave chase , and soon , the pair was tearing through the underbrush toward the clearing . Soon , they stepped into the clearing , and pulled up short , looking at the structure . It was a run - down , dark and weathered shack , with windows still in tact , and a door made of thick planks . There was a brick chimney protruding from the top of the shack . The rest of the clearing was becoming very overgrown , and appeared to have been undisturbed for a great deal of time . Todd and Mark stepped forward , then headed straight for the door , as the rain was falling harder . Todd was the first one to the door , and out of common courtesy , he knocked on the planks , waiting for a response . Not getting one , he looked at Mark , and pushed on the door . It creaked terribly as it swung slowly open , to reveal a dark and dingy interior . The pair , without further waiting , stepped inside , and closed the door behind them . Todd , thinking about the ominous nature of the woods , and a bit spooked by the storm , he slid a bolt - the door 's only lock - across . " There , now the psychos in the woods can 't come and get us , " Todd joked . Mark laughed , and reached into his pack for something . A moment later , he got out a box of matches , and looked at the stone fireplace . Todd looked around the room , and shrugged . There was a table with a single chair , a broken old cot , and a trunk at the foot of it . Todd looked at it . It was a wooden frame , with a single , old mattress on it , and one of the legs was broken , and laying next to the cot . He shrugged , and looked around the rest of the room . There really wasn 't anything else . Todd went to the cot , and pulled the mattress from the top of it , allowing the padded bedding to fall to the floor . There were moth - eaten , old blankets on it , and a bit of dust clouded up when the mattress hit the floor . Todd coughed , and looked back down at the cot frame . Thunder boomed outside . They set to work , placing their soggy packs on the table , and then breaking up the cot frame , which was easier than they had thought it would be . Once it was into suitably - sized pieces , they carted the ample amount of wood over to the fireplace , and Mark approached with a ratty , old magazine . It was the old porn mag he had mentioned earlier , and he held it up for Todd , who smiled at the sight of it . Mark flipped open the magazine , and quickly tore out the first couple of pages , including the one with the table of contents . Mark began to roll them up as Todd arranged some of the wood in the fireplace . Mark placed the pages from the magazine under the wood , and got the box of matches . He struck one of the matches , and held it to the pages from the magazine . Instantly , the old paper flared , beginning to burn brightly in the dusty fireplace . The sound of the rain outside had grown , as the rain was now falling very heavy , and there came a sudden dripping sound . As the magazine pages burned , some of the wood began to catch . Both boys were happy at the sound of the first pop from the wood . Mark continued to watch the fire as the wood caught more , and the room began to brighten with the light from the fire . Todd had looked around , and on a shelf built into the wall behind where the cot had been , there was an old coffee pot . He took the pot from the shelf , and looked around the room , until he found the place where the water had begun to drip . But , just as he placed the pot under it , he heard the same dripping sound from elsewhere in the room . Mark laughed . The pair sat close to the fire , and Mark opened the remains of the magazine to reveal some ads for phone sex , that depicted many beautiful women - unlikely phone operators . The pair studied the ads , and joked about people that would actually call in for that sort of thing . The magazine then went into reviews of the " latest " hot porn videos . There were some photos from the videos , and Todd began to feel the stirring in his pants as they saw the images of a blonde , feverishly sucking on a man 's cock . Another photo showed a pair of women working on the same man 's joint . Todd paused to put another piece of wood in the fire , just to brighten the place a bit more . They flipped further on , and came to a pictorial of two women . The pages passed , until they were nearing the end , and Todd stopped on a page filled with more ads . There was a small picture of a man , laying on his back , with his legs up high . Another man was in front of him , his cock ready to go in . Todd felt a peculiar curiosity as he looked at the picture , and then he looked up at Mark . " So , what now ? " he asked , turning toward a window as lightning lit up the sky , and thunder continued to crash outside . Mark looked out at the storm as well , and turned back in to Todd . He grinned . " Suppose we could try out your idea , " Mark said , his own arousal heightening . Todd nodded , and looked around the room . He motioned toward the mattress . " I will , " Mark said . He undid the button on his jeans , and then unzipped the fly , and sat on the mattress . " I can 't believe how horny this is making me ! " Todd undid the front of his own pants , now even more horny than before . He was anxious to see Mark 's cock . He 'd fantasized about it before , but never seriously , and never enough to make himself this horny . He stared at the opening in front of Mark 's pants , and waited as his friend drew closer . Todd , meanwhile , had his cock out of his pants , and it felt uncomfortable as it lie , wedged in his open fly . " Hang on a second , " Todd said . He lifted his ass off the mattress , and slid his pants down , and then reached down , untying the first of his boots . He then untied the other boot , and kicked both of them off . He finished sliding his jeans and underwear off , and breathed a sigh of relief . " Here , let me feel it , " Mark said , and drew closer , eager to try the new feeling . He sat on the mattress , and hesitantly reached out . The journey his hand took , seemed to go on forever , until at last , his hand rested upon Todd 's cock , prompting a sigh of pleasure . Mark 's fingers slid along the rigid shaft , and Todd smiled with satisfaction . Mark gripped the thing , and stroked it once or twice , then let his hand slide down to the wrinkled sack below . Mark did as ordered , and reached down to untie his own boots . After they were off , he quickly slid out of his jeans and underwear , revealing his lean form , and erect cock . Todd reached over , his right hand securely gripping the cock . He stroked up and down a few times , and Mark closed his eyes . His own fingers were sliding along the length of Todd 's manhood . " Me either , but we are , " Todd said . He continued to stroke the cock , taking a moment to fondle Mark 's balls . He opened his eyes , his new passion now consuming him as he stroked the man meat . He gazed at it as it throbbed in his fingers . Mark was still stroking him , but let his head fall back , enjoying the feel of the hand job . Todd leaned over , bringing his face closer to the cock as he continued to stroke it . He let his tongue fall out of his mouth , and graze the head of it . Mark immediately sucked in a breath , loving the feel of that . Todd let his tongue flick at the head again , and he got a taste of Mark 's pre - cum , and was surprised that it wasn 't as bad as he thought it might be . He circled the entire head with his wet tongue , and then began sliding his tongue along the length of the shaft , much to Mark 's delight . He continued to stroke as his tongue made its way along the shaft several times , and then down to the balls , bathing them in his spit before he moved back up to the head . Bravely , he then took in as much of the cock as he could , and began to move his head rhythmically up and down . HE WAS SUCKING A COCK ! It was an astounding thought to him , and he could hardly believe he was doing it , but it was in his mouth , and he was working it good . His hand began to fondle Mark 's balls , which prompted a delighted moan from him . He went back to work on the cock , bobbing his head up and down faster this time , and using one hand to stroke the cock while the other fondled Mark 's balls . Mark began to breath harder , and Todd felt his friend 's cock swelling in his mouth . Mark then began to tap on Todd 's shoulders , and Todd came up off the cock , continuing to jack it fast . Mark threw his head back as his cum began to blast from the head of his dick in streaming , white , globs . The first shot flew high into the air , and neither of them was sure where that one landed . The huge load subsided , with the last few streams glazing part of Todd 's hand as Mark chuckled with delight , laying back on the mattress with satisfaction . Todd held the hand up and looked at the glistening cum as it stayed on his hand . Mark lifted himself up , and looked at his own cum on Todd 's hand . Todd said nothing , but looked at Mark , and then at his hand . He brought his hand to his face , and let his tongue reach out to his hand . His tongue dragged a short path through the layer of jizz on his hand , and he took in the taste of it . It was salty , and a bit bitter , matching the way it smelled all those times he 'd jacked off . Still , it wasn 't that bad , and as he swallowed it down , and took a little more with his tongue , he shrugged . " Not that bad , " Todd said . Mark smiled , and watched as Todd 's tongue returned for a third taste . Todd then wiped his hand off on the mattress , and reached down for his own cock . byHedonis © 13 comments / 229090 views / 31 favoritesShare the loveTweetReport a BugSubmit bug reportNext2 Pages : 1212GoLogin or Sign UpStoriesPoemsStory SeriesTags PortalChatForumAdult StoreMoviesWebcamsMobile VersionFAQSearchEnglish | Spanish | German | French | Dutch | Other languagesAll contents © Copyright 1998 - 2012 . Literotica is a trademark . No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission . Terms Of Services | Report A Problem | PrivacyUsername : Password : Forgot your password ? Security code : Change pictureYour current user avatar , all sizes : You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation . Select new user avatar : Upload and save
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Set in the music scene of Austin , Texas , this story follows three individuals caught up in sex , drugs and rock and roll . When music producer , Cook , offers a contract to struggling songwriter , BV , he opens a door previously closed to the young man . As they attend ACL and SXSW and other big music venues , BV grows closer to Cook 's on - again / off - again girlfriend , Faye . Knowing that Cook is a jealous man , they risk everything with their music careers to be together . As their relationship grows , Cook begins to spiral out of control and threatens to take everyone with him . What a stinker of a movie ! It has a great cast but the story is confusing , disjointed , and drawn out . I found myself hoping that the credits would roll so that we could all be released from this torture . I 'm told that this is a common filming technique of Malick , and I honestly never want to see anything of his again . Even when asked during the Q & A afterwards , Mara said it was so long ago she can 't remember anything but that it was hard and she had to keep reminding herself that they were doing something different . WOW ! How to bad mouth a movie you are a part of without coming out and saying it , 101 . This was a truly troublesome opening film for this year 's festival . When it is said that the opening movie tends to set the trend of the festival , we were all feeling we were in serious trouble . Holy smokes , what were we all in for this year ? A fellow movie goer and critic friend was so angry with every movie that we saw that was better than this one as the festival went on that I was constantly laughing at her . This movie took so much out of me that first night that I blew off any other movie that evening and just returned home worried about what this year 's festival was going to be like . Luckily this movie did not define this year . I give this one a 1 out of 5 reels . The 1 is solely for the amazing cast . If you like artsy movies that are all over the place , that you can 't tell if you are in the past , present , or future , randomly framed scenes that make no sense , and oddly shot scenes , then this is your kind of movie . This is definitely not my type of movie . Someone roll credits already ! When the latest season of the very popular reality TV show , The Bachelor , comes to an end with the bachelor choosing his bride to be from the remaining finalists , the popular TV host finds himself in a life and death situation . When his actions thrust him into the lime - light for a different reason than what he is used to , he starts to question morals and values and where he stands . As his station producer pitches a new idea for a reality show , he hesitantly takes the job with intention of doing good but then loses himself in the spotlight as the show becomes more popular than anything before . This new show has contestants vying for the audience 's favor to win money for their families as they commit suicide on live television . Each filmed death brings more viewers week after week and drives the producers to continue to go bigger with each death . An exaggerated but harsh look at the morals of today 's society , this is a disturbing and gut - wrenching look at the darker side of today 's world . This movie has a phenomenal cast , a brilliant director , and a strong script . It carries a hard look at today 's society where everyone is disconnected from each other and indifferent to the trials of others because of technology and conditioning . When the host begins trying to bring people back into a stranger 's life before they leave this world , he loses himself in the next big thing and the fame . When his sister tries to ground him , he risks losing everything he truly cares about , including himself . I give this one a 4 out of 5 reels . It is heartfelt , engaging , and powerful . Although the story itself is exaggerated , it really isn 't that hard to see that this is where society could actually go . With the fascination of tragedy and gore that seems to have a grip on today 's world , it doesn 't take much imagination to see that this movie is a very powerful voice to try and bring everyone back to the light . A movie that asks people to pay attention to everyone around them , to take stock of the little things , and to show sympathy for your fellow man . When ex - cop and alcoholic , Mike Kendall , tries to be recommissioned as an officer , he is constantly ridiculed and strung along by fellow police officers . When he finds a young woman left for dead in the middle of nowhere while on a drunken bender , he takes on the responsibility to find out who she is and who did this to her . As the case develops , the investigating officers keep trying to get him to stand down and stay out of it . He decides to take on the label of private investigator to seek justice and soon finds himself in the middle of cover - ups , death , drugs , and gangs . As he closes in on the truth , his family lands in the killer 's cross - hairs . Mike has to save his family and expose the truth , all the while fighting his own inner demons . This movie is my number one pick from the entire film lineup that I saw this year . This is such a well done movie that I actually was debating on trying to see it again instead of another movie . It 's that good . The cast , the writing , the directing all pull this wonderfully engaging mystery into a beautifully woven story . I could easily watch this movie again and I could definitely see this movie leading to a series with some truly likeable and colorful characters . I give this one a 5 out of 5 stars . This movie has everything , from likable colorful characters to engaging and intriguing mystery . This is a lot like " Kiss Kiss Bang Bang " . Extremely enjoyable and honestly full of potential for another movie or even a TV series . Absolutely my favorite movie from the whole festival . Eddie Garrett is a gambler . Floundering in life , his brother is constantly trying to guide him as much as he can . When an acquaintance of Eddie 's asks a favor , he can 't refuse . His friend is scheduled to serve a 6 - 7 month prison sentence and needs to stash a duffle bag while away . All he has to do is hold on to the bag , no questions asked , and he will earn money upon the end of the prison sentence . When curiosity gets the better of him , Eddie 's gambling addiction gets the better of him and he soon finds himself gambling with money from the bag . Along the way , Eddie begins to get his life in order and actually meets a girl and starts to have a steady and healthy relationship . When his friend calls with the good news that he 's getting out early , Eddie panics and realizes that he can 't earn the money he needs to replace in time and panics . His life starts to spin out of control and his only hope is to try and win one good hand at high - stakes poker . He risks it all , knowing that his only other option is to flee the country . This is a very enjoyable movie with a great cast . The story keeps the viewer involved throughout the entire movie . We end up riding his roller coaster of trying to win the money back . It is engaging all the way to the very end . I give this one a 5 out of 5 reels . It 's reminiscent of other movies involving heists or high risk jobs . The story is well written and the cast is perfect . I truly enjoyed this one from beginning to end . A street orphan and car thief named Baby , steals the wrong car and after dumping the car into the bottom of the river , is blackmailed into working for a Crime Boss as a getaway driver . A very gifted driver , Baby drives to the beat of his mix tapes . Never working with the same team twice , the crime boss arranges the marks and makes the plans while the team relies on Baby to get them out . When the crime boss decides to pull members from past teams into one for a big heist , Baby realizes that the boss does not plan on letting Baby walk after paying off his debt . As tensions rise and the stakes are raised , Baby finds his life , friends and new love in danger . WOW ! This is such a great movie . It is absolutely engaging from beginning to end . High paced and engrossing . Terrific cast and very well written . Another fantastically choreographed car chase after another , sprinkled with shoot outs and games of wit . I can 't say enough good things about this one . This one is my number three pick for the entire festival . Emily must return home for a family emergency but is hesitant on dealing with what she left behind in a rash decision to abandon her life there for the LA scene . She must come to terms with her ex , his new life and love , and all those she left behind in her pursuit of a career in Hollywood . She begins to wonder about her decision to move to LA and what path she is on . This movie is full of laughter and tears in this heartfelt story about plans , careers , and fate . Filmed in and around Austin , this movie has some local flavor to it . It keeps the viewer engaged from beginning to end as Emily works through her past to embrace her future . This is a tiny little film with a huge heart . It won everyone over at the festival . It ended up getting additional screenings added . Bravo to Noel Wells on a well done movie and putting together a great cast to accomplish it . One of MI6 's most lethal assassins , Lorraine , is sent to Berlin to recover a list of double agents . When the mission goes sideways , she realizes that she 's in the middle of a hornets nest and cannot trust anyone . As the trail leads to one double - cross after another , she prepares for the fight of her life . Can she uncover the double agent before they catch up to her ? WOW ! Theron is absolutely fabulous in this movie with intrigue , action , and amazing camera work . I seriously believe that she could easily beat John Wick ! No joke ! There were several one camera , long one take shots that are just breath - taking and jaw dropping . Just a WOW ! type movie . I give this one a 5 out of 5 reels . This is my # 4 pick from this year 's festival . I highly recommend this one and hope to pick up the DVD for my collection when it is available . Daphne is a very close to the vest social hermit . She has never been able to connect to anyone for more than a one night stand . When she unwillingly finds herself in a situation to help a shopkeeper who has been shot during a robbery , she reluctantly lends a hand . This begins to pull at the wall that she has carefully built up around her to shield her from society . She has always been the one that thought enough to buy a sandwich for a homeless man but never connected further than that , until now . As her world crashes in on her , will she lose herself completely ? This is a very slow moving story , although a good one . It isn 't one to watch when you are lacking sleep or can 't sit still long enough for it to get to where it is going . I did like the story , but felt that it really took too long to get there , even with this great cast . I don 't even think having commercial breaks would help this one speed up any . So in the end , I give this one a 3 out of 5 reels . A good story but takes way too long to get there . Parker Smith gets some devastating personal tragic news and finds himself lost . Wanting to figure out what to do and how to go on , he comes up with a film idea to help work through his problems . He had bought a video camera from eBay and ended up with a personal video tape inside the camera from the previous owner . He does some digging and finds the owner of the camera still alive and living in New York . He decides he needs a break from school at UT in Austin where he is a struggling film student and takes a road trip with his cat to New York to meet Gregg Valentino , the previous owner of the camera . Taking time off from his job at Taco Deli in Austin , he loads up the car with food , water , bedding and a scratching tree for his cat . Along the way , his trip and film take on another life than the one he originally set out to do . Gregg Valentino is " The Man Whose Arms Exploded " back in the era when steroids and muscle building were main - stream . As Parker travels across the country he begins to come to terms with his loss and the plight of people who suffer from Epidermolysis bullosa ( EB ) disease and how it affect families , as well as his own . As this trip helps him to understand that his loss is also riddled with guilt , he discovers just how connected everything in life can be when he learns that EB has also touched the life of Valentino . This is a beautiful memorial to his sisters , Catherine and Samantha , as well as a testimonial about a rare disease and how it impacts families . The trip is full of fun , laughter , sorrow and tears . The trip will lead you on a path to compassion and awareness . Well done and very entertaining as well as moving , it left you feeling touched . Even the Q & A after the screening I attended had heart . His Mom and Dad came forward to talk about their daughters and their son 's film in their honor . It is a very tiny little film that has a HUGE heart and I definitely recommend catching this one . They even invited the entire audience over to their house for a backyard party ! Mara learns that her estranged father has passed away in his home in Belize and must return with her new boyfriend to deal with the estate and her past . Angry that her half - sister , Linda , never had to deal with the abusive man that Mara knew as father ; she lashes out at everyone . As the proceedings of the reading of the will and funeral continue , more and more details about the life that Mara and her brother , Ben , knew are revealed . Abuse , secrets , and darkness soon creep to the surface and threaten to tear Mara 's world apart . This is a very tangled and dark tale that leads the viewer down a twisted path . As Mara struggles with her demons , the cast handle the disturbing tale with finesse . It keeps you interested to the end . A beautiful tale of broken people and how they struggle to overcome the demons that life has given them . Well told story that is interesting , yet dark and disturbing , holds you to the very end . Four friends reunite for a wedding in Rio . They travel from France to meet up with their best friend whom they have lost contact with since she began dating a wealthy man 's son who lives in Rio . Much to their surprise , their friend reveals she is VERY pregnant , also . None of them are invited to be part of the wedding party , but they set aside their anger to attend the wedding and make the best of a free paid - for Rio vacation , none - the - less . During a party , things get out of hand and one of the girls accidentally kills a would - be rapist . Unfortunately the man is well connected with a local crime boss . They try to attend their friend 's wedding and get out of the country before they are found out . It leads to a very entertaining and at times tense race for the border . Well written and a great cast , this movie is very entertaining . Filmed in French with English subtitles . This is a hilarious and sometime intense " Thelma and Louise " type movie with four childhood friends in a foreign country . It definitely keeps you involved from beginning to end as they race for the border . I give this one a 5 out of 5 reels . I 'm glad that this one was as enjoyable as it was . These everyday girls have to tap into their inner warriors to make it out alive and it pays off . After being set up as a corporate ladder climber 's scapegoat , Derek Cho , finds himself being hung out to dry by all of his colleges when a sudden outbreak of a very contagious and violent illness causes the entire building to be quarantined while the antidote is administered . What 's worse than being locked in a building with a bunch of backstabbers ? How about a building full of lawyers and cut - throats who thanks to his firm have a free pass to enact on their inner desires without legal consequences . As he battles to reach the board room , it becomes a life and death struggle to win his job back and make sure that the right people pay for the injustice . This movie is what " Office Space " meets " The Purge " looks like . With a free ticket to do whatever you want to do and the atmosphere of total office rage , this movie is gory , violent , and in some instances darkly humorous . A terrific cast carries this insanity to a well - earned pay - off for the viewers . What a dark and twisted little fun movie ! This is actually a very intriguing tale of mystery . It had me captive to the end . Good cast and interesting story . Very entertaining . Although you know from the start that Jill is innocent , it is a fun ride as she unravels the mystery . Bill Nye , the Science Guy , is struggling to keep science in the classrooms and forefront on important political topics . His biggest battles are currently the issue of Global Warming and the discussion of Evolution vs Creation in today 's classrooms . Ken Ham , an outspoken supporter of Creation , invites Nye to visit his theme park . Nye visits but is disappointed that Ham refuses to meet him in an open debate . This movie shows more of the personal side of Nye and a more behind the scenes look at the man behind the name . His passion and drive are charming and infectious . This is a very well done documentary about the man , his beliefs , and a look at what scientists are still battling to keep in the forefront of education and political agendas . Very entertaining , interesting , and well done . This is an endearing look at a man that a lot of us grew up watching on TV . I definitely am glad that I was able to catch this one at the festival . A group of friends go to prom together and one thing after another finds them in the woods with the outcasts and drug dealers from class . After they decide to take mushrooms with the group , they end up in a haunted abandoned jailhouse where it is rumored to be the site of satanic worship and sacrifices . When they see a woman brought in by two men who attempt to rape and kill her , they interfere but soon their reality is blurred with hallucinations . Not knowing what is and is not real any longer , the group struggle to find their way out of the maze . This is a horrible movie . Not as bad as the one opening night , but definitely a stinker . The film - makers revealed that they shot this over a 5 year span and that it was actually a mother - daughter writing / directing combo that brought this one to the fruition . This was actually a good movie up until they tried to rescue the woman . When the line between reality and hallucination blurs , so does my interest in this movie . The ending of the movie is non - climatic and does not give the viewer any sort of conclusion or payoff . Very disappointing . This one gets a 2 out of 5 reels because it was actually good for the first 2 / 3s of the movie . I don 't think I would even recommend this as a cable movie view . Very disappointing and it had such potential . When Beck and Liam 's friends constantly try to set them up with blind - dates , they bond over their lack of interest in being a statistic on being a couple . They decide to take a weekend trip as friends with no expectations and end up going through the entire relationship cycle over a course of a few days . Their insecurities , baggage , and habits start to surface and their non - relationship becomes in danger . This movie has one of the best sound tracks and is absolutely adorable . It is fun , funny , and imaginative . The cast is wonderful and the characters are endearing . I was interested in this story from beginning to end . Absolutely charming . Eddie Johnson has been a leader and pioneer in ranching and has recently won a seat in the Senate to help advance the plight of farmers and ranchers . Riding the ranch one last time with his trusty sidekick and longtime friend , Lefty Brown , they encounter rustlers that change the lives of everyone on the ranch . Lefty rides after them to find redemption and bring the rustlers to justice but soon uncovers a much bigger plan was put into motion with this attack on his friend . Lefty must step from the shadows of a great man to find his own value and worth . I truly enjoyed this film . The cast is perfect and the story is gripping . Beautiful scenery along with a terrific soundtrack , this is a wonderful western movie . Similar to " Open Range " , " 3 : 10 to Yuma " and " Unforgiven " ; it has heart , action , adventure , and characters you love . Flanagan , Caviezel and Pullman are terrific together . I give this one a 5 out of 5 reels . I highly recommend this to all who love western movies . This is bound to be a new favorite among recent western movies . Well done . Definitely worth seeing and even seeing again . An estranged father and son go on a hunting trip in the snow covered mountains . The father has decided that taking his son hunting for elk is the best way for them to bond since his divorce with his mother . Pulling from his relationship from his own father , he finds it difficult to reach his son . As they close in on their prey , things take a turn for the worse and they soon abandon the hunt to merely survive the elements of this harsh wilderness . I didn 't like this one that much . Although the story is interesting and it has a surprising end , there seemed to be a lot of huge holes in the story . With questionable actions , useless killing , and other issues that made you think " why " or " but I thought … " it left this one kind of weak in presentation . The father was supposedly a skilled hunter but so many mistakes were done that it seemed more like a braggart was finally called out . Either way , this one just really didn 't do much for me . I give this one a 3 out of 5 reels . Mainly because of the potential the story had and the surprise ending . I just wasn 't that impressed . A young man , Nick , is traveling with his younger brother , Ben , across the country . Mysterious and quiet , they try to keep off anyone 's radar . Stopping at random places to pick up odd jobs for traveling money , Ben begins to act out when Nick meets Kelly . Soon the reason for their road trip comes to light and a much darker tale unfolds . This is a very interesting story . It covers the cause and effect theory of paths chosen and actions taken at any given moment . It talks of the power within the individual to control nightmares and memories . I give this one a 4 out of 5 reels . I really liked this story and to find out that it was actually an extended version of a short film was very interesting . I wish that if they were going to introduce a magic element to the story that there would have been follow through on it . The touch on the possibility of both young men having a mental ability of some sort and then they never mention it again . A wonderful documentary featuring five of the very talented and creative minds behind many of the beloved characters from " Sesame Street " . The five friends gather together and have a candid talk about working on the kids show and their inspiration for the creation of their various characters . From Animal to Kermit , from Snuffleufacous to Oscar the Grouch , and from The Count to Cookie Monster . It is a huge thrill to be a part of this conversation , even if we are only listening . They exchange stories about creating their various characters and how they got their jobs as well as some of their challenges over the years . It is an interesting and wonderful piece of history on a program that covers decades of generations . Truly a jewel . SXSW Conference brought in the Barton Hills Choir who entertained the audience with the live renditions of several favorite songs . They opened with " The Muppet Show Theme " , followed by " Rainbow Connection " and ended with an audience participation encouraged version of " Ma Na Ma Na " . This was an additional delight to this wonderful screening and the only thing that even topped this was the fact that Frank Oz , himself , was there for a live Q & A . Obviously , this movie gets a 5 out of 5 reels from my book . It is funny , entertaining , and wonderfully done . I have already recommended this one to several friends , as well as went online to follow the movie . Gloria , an alcoholic , moves back to her small hometown in Maine after her finacee dumps her . Having a slight breakdown and still dealing with the demons from the bottle , she reconnects with her old grade school friends . Her oldest friend , Oscar , now owns his father 's bar and offers her a job . As Gloria deals with her demons working in the worst job an alcoholic can have , she is engrossed in the plight of people in Korea who are dealing with a large monster that is destroying their city . Somehow her breakdown and drunken benders seem to be connected to the destruction happening on the other side of the world . But how ? This is an amazing and wonderful story . It is very fun ! It has a terrific cast and completely enjoyable story . It had the audience from beginning to end . The spectacular ending had the audience cheering . I give this one a 5 out of 5 reels . Although it does leave you with a HUGE question , it is still very enjoyable . This one is like a story from " The Twilight Zone " or " Outer Limits " . I loved it . When a bickering brother and sister , Cornelius and Rita , accidentally kill a bearded goat with their father 's truck , they must learn to work together to deal with the aftermath . They have to figure out a way to pay for the auto repair , cover up the death of the goat , and still manage to run the errands that their parents sent them on all before they are missed back at home . One deal or con leads to another mess and it isn 't until the two start working together that their luck changes . This is an entertaining story but I 'm back and forth on what grade to give this one . The story was interesting and enjoyable up until about 3 / 4s through . The last quarter of this movie is SO offensive to me that I find it hard to say it is good . The film - maker chose to film live cock fighting in Columbia . I get it . It 's a cultural thing . But it is truly offensive and absolutely not necessary at all for this movie ; much less if you want to show it in America . Because the story was good up to a point but then takes such a horrible turn to offensive and unnecessary cruelty to animals for no reason what - so - ever , I give this movie a 2 out of 5 reels . If the cock fighting hadn 't been in this movie , I would have given this one a 4 , but I just can 't get past the unnecessary brutality that these roosters were subjected to . It was truly disgusting and disturbing . This story is based on the true story about a corrupt judge who continued to feed juveniles into a state facility so that he could get kickbacks from the warden . Straight A student and soon to be honor grad at the local high school , Lauren Pierce , is sentenced to a juvenile facility after punching a boy that attacked her on school property . Her mother is desperately trying to figure out how to pay for an appeal , while Lauren must wait in the facility . The young women 's facility is located in the wooded area and run by a warden and several deputies . Upon entering the camp , Lauren meets Rebecca who is a recaptured inmate who fills her in on the deep dark secrets of the camp . Lauren teams with Rebecca to try and escape and expose the camp . It soon becomes a life and death struggle between the girls , the warden and his men , and their surroundings . When you first read the synopsis you think this could be another " Hunger Games " movie . A girl skilled with a bow is set up to stand in rebellion against a corrupt system . Although this is not set in an apocalyptic world , it isn 't far from that . This movie has an incredibly strong female lead character who instantly wins the audience over to her side . The injustice and atrocities that the girls must endure instantly have the audience cheering for them to make a stand and survive . Well written movie based on the documentary " Cash for Kids " . It has strong characters and a strong cast to portray them . This movie is my number 2 out of top five picks this year . The soundtrack and musical choices were perfectly balanced with the action . Amazing special effects round out the ingredients of this film that made it a contender in my top 5 . Well done ! Sadie and Makayla , high school best friends , are aspiring serial killers . Entranced by horror and tragedy , the two girls run a blog site called " Tragedy Girls " and are constantly looking for attention from their postings . Feeling that they have a better understanding on what should make the news ; they consider themselves experts on the subject and become enraged when others are interviewed on the scene of crimes . They develop a scheme to become more famous than the recent serial killer that has the town on heightened awareness . When their latest victim discovers their plan , he attempts to drive a wedge between the girls in order to survive . The question is , just how loyal are they to each other . This is a very dark and twisted tale like that of the " Scream " movies , but told more from the killers ' side instead of the victims . The twists and turns in the story are enjoyable and definitely engrossing from the beginning to the end . Shipp and Hilderbrand are wonderful together . This documentary is about the man who picked up the reigns after Sean Connery left the role of James Bond , George Lazenby , and why he turned them over to the next man . Lazenby , an Australian car mechanic , was offered the role of the most famous fictional spy , 007 . He took the role and was overwhelmed with the world that opened to him . So much so , that he turned down the contract to do the next six Bond movies . A move that almost cost him his acting career and got him blacklisted with the studio . Lazenby recalls his experience while filming " On Her Majesty 's Secret Service " . The drugs , sex , and limelight were just too much . His only regret is losing the love of his life , Belinda . His reflections on the past are both humorous and entertaining and mixed in with re - enactments from another group of talented actors to help bring the story to life . I give this one a 5 out of 5 reels . Although I am not a Bond movie fan , this movie was very entertaining and very interesting . I would definitely recommend this one for all of the Bond fans , as well as fans of film . Daniel Middleton is sent to Cape Cod , MA in 1991 for the summer . While there he meets Amy , who he becomes smitten with . He ends up meeting the local bad boy , Hunter Strawberry , and decides to make some money with him by dealing drugs . Soon his greed takes over and he doesn 't know when to stop . Putting his and Hunter 's life in danger , he now has to figure out a way to get out of the business alive . The cast was great in this story of a young man trying to find himself in life . Greed , awkwardness , and longing to belong and be loved are all wrapped up in this movie . It 's an enjoyable movie although it is similar to some other films . Diane is in the last trimester of her second pregnancy while staying at home to take care of her older autistic son . His meltdowns are starting to affect her health when her husband suggests that she look into hiring a housekeeper to help her around the house since his job is keeping him away more . It seems it was destiny that she meets a live in caretaker from the Philippines who has experience with autistic kids . It isn 't long after hiring the woman that Diane begins to suspect that there is something dark and sinister about her new nanny . When she tries to explain her fears to her husband , he dismisses them as paranoia . Diane has to decide what is and is not the truth in order to save her family . WOW ! This movie is creepy , dark , twisted , and really good . The cast is perfect . The twists and turns keep you right on the edge of your seat the whole time . Definitely a huge build with a big payoff . This documentary talks about the many missions of Apollo that finally led to the landing on the Moon . They talk about the many failed missions and the race to the moon . This gripping tale , even though you know the outcome , keeps you engaged all the way through . There are two things that I found interesting about this movie . Not interesting like , gripping and wow - ing , but interesting as in " hmmmmmm " . This documentary is coming out on the heels of " Hidden Figures " and didn 't touch on women being involved at all . The only people shown were the men . The other thing I found interesting is that this is not done by Americans but by a group of UK film - makers . I really enjoyed this story , none - the - less . And the fact that three of the men from this documentary and part of the Apollo missions were in attendance of the film . They received a standing ovation . It was moving . I give this one a 4 . 5 out of 5 reels . I think that there are more facts that could have been included , but this film is very interesting and engrossing . I love learning about the missions and the things that had to be overcome to land a man on the moon . Some as simple as a lightening storm . Well done ! When an international space crew discovers a possible sign of life from Mars samples , they get excited for the possibilities and significance of the findings . While investigating the cells , they inadvertently resuscitate the life form which soon becomes a threat to themselves and the people on Earth . The entire crew fights for their lives against this unfamiliar life form with no known vulnerabilities . Phenomenal cast and amazing special effects , this movie is absolutely wonderfully done . The story is gripping and edge of your seat for the majority of its runtime . I obviously don 't want to tell you too much about it , but all sci - fi and horror fans will love this movie . You don 't have to worry about face - huggers , but you definitely need to worry ! This was a perfect film to close the SXSW film section of the 2017 SXSW Conference . The entire cast was in attendance along with the director , producers and writers . Their Q & A session was as entertaining as the film in laughter and comradery among them all . There was a lot of laughter and behind the scenes reveals that were truly interesting . This year , I decided that I would NOT drive downtown . I decided to take the Capital Area Metro Rail . The only drawback on that plan was that the Metro Rail hours were not extended for the first weekend of the festival but only the second . For the first weekend , I teamed up with a fellow movie reviewer and we drove in . Those first three days were only stressful in getting down there and finding affordable parking . And it did leave us to the will of each other on how late we would stay . The hours were not extended until that Wednesday after the start , so it did hinder some movie going for fear of being stranded downtown . After the extended hours kicked it , it was free range for what movies you went to and stayed however long for . This is the first year in a good long while that I didn 't have complete road rage due to the arrogance and ignorance of the people that attend this festival or try to peek in from the sidelines . I didn 't have to deal with drunks leaping off the curbs , pedi - cabs running lights , or never being allowed to get out of a four way stop sign intersection . It was so unbelievably stress - free in that area , that it made a big difference on the atmosphere of the conference . Mazda offered rides showcasing their new line of automobiles . All you had to do was sign up and show your wristband . I had the pleasure in riding in a couple of different models and the convenience of catching a Mazda when you needed to get to the other side of downtown faster than the shuttle would get you there , was perfect . Speaking of the shuttle , SXSW did it very well this year . They put a volunteer on the shuttle with the driver to help answer questions and announce stops . It was so awesome . It was greatly missed on the few that didn 't have a volunteer riding . This of course led to some clueless woman sitting in the spot that the volunteer usually sat in and giving out false information over the driver and myself to a patron asking about the next stop . We couldn 't catch the man to tell him to come back . I took it upon myself to announce the stops as we got to them after that and tried to help people who had questions . I loved having the volunteer on the shuttle , it was a great idea and I hope that they have enough volunteers next year to do it again . Bravo SXSW , Bravo ! This year , we decided to check out some of the special events and attractions happening in and around the festival . I am very pleased with all of the things that we tried . We had a lot of fun . Friday was our biggest day of venture and we went to IMAX " The Mummy " Zero Gravity VR Experience . We stood in a long line , we didn 't have anything to do , so it was fine and we talked to people in line . I think we maybe stood in line for about 45 minutes . We got in to the attraction and got to look at some movie set replicas and props . Then we were walked into the freight belly of an airplane to a room that was lined up with pods . They put you in the pod chair , put a VR headset over your face and noise cancelling earphones on your head . Then they started the movie . It was so cool ! It was almost 360 degrees of film . You could look up , down , side to side , and see everything . They showed you the behind the scenes of filming the zero gravity scenes for the upcoming film and while they were filming the scene you could look around the set and see how the film crew was anchored down and holding on while the action of the scene is happening in front of you . It really was so amazing and the motion seats helped put you in the plane with them . It was a lot of fun ! Thank you IMAX and Universal for a most amazing adventure ! Next on our list was the Pop - Up Food truck , which really wasn 't a truck but an entire restaurant . In a matter of days , a temporary movie set restaurant was created at the NE corner of 5th and Colorado . The restaurant was a Los Pollos Hermanos from AMC 's " Better Call Saul " . They had Saul 's car out front , a guy in a chicken suit wearing a Mexican hat and poncho , and everyone was dressed as an employee of the restaurant chain . The best part was the curly fries . YES ! They were giving out curly fries and they were so very good ! You are probably wondering what else we could have possibly done after that . A California Highway Patrol officer walked up and handed us a " citation " which we carried over to Voodoo Donuts on 6th street and cashed in for a free donut . We also decided to play with the movie standee and take some pictures like we were riding on the back of the bikes with Frank and John of the movie " CHiPs " starring Dax Sheppard and Michael Pena . We watched some crazy people surfing at the AMC " Animal Kingdom " located at 3rd and Congress . It was cold and they were up there surfing . It was a lot of fun and they had some fun things to see . We also check out the " American Gods " attraction from STARZ . They had an enormous white buffalo and giveaways . I 'm not really sure why , but the girl working the giveaways made sure that I only got a koozie while others were helped to get tote bags and t - shirts . It was really strange . I didn 't know her , nor do I know what I did to annoy her , but whatever . I got koozies and shared with friends . When the rain came , they had to cover the big buffalo with tarps . I wish I had seen that production . He was huge . There was also a Carvanna attraction where you picked a car from a vending machine and it got stuck so they filmed you trying to shake it free . That was hilarious and fun . What was funnier is that they were handing out rain ponchos and when it opened up and rained on people , no one thought to pull out the poncho . Hahaha The festival is growing more and more each year and there are more and more things you wish you could do but have to pick and choose so you can try to do a little bit of everything . The Trade Show is always a lot of fun to check out . They show case new ideas and new technologies as well as industries for film / music that people may not know about . One of the more rememberable vendors that I spoke with this year is a group from Indonesia who have developed a bioplastic that is tough enough to be a grocery tote , but dissolves enough in water that you can actually drink it . So , if a bag ends up in the ocean , not only will it eventually biodegrade safely , but if wildlife ends up entangled in it , they can eat it and it won 't harm them . They were handing out sample bags . It was truly amazing . They used hot water to have the bag break down quickly for him to demonstrate drinking it . Not sure how many bags over the course of the Trade Show that he drank , but it was very cool . Now the worst thing about this year 's conference was the badge handling and Xpress pass handling . That really was a bad call on their part and I am pretty sure that everyone will be hoping that they will go back to the way it was before . Let me explain why it was a bad call . We 'll start with the badge handling . This year they decided to let all badges , regardless of the type , go to all attractions . So if you had a film badge , you could go to a music venue and get in after they let in the music badges that were in line . The reason that this was a bad call is that now those who bought passes to go to events were now not only competing with music badges but now had to worry about how many film and interactive badges came over too . Same with those buying film passes . Because of the way it was handled , people who paid for passes , pretty much , just threw their money away . They didn 't get to see anything and the entire thing seemed to be aimed at making people buy badges . It really wasn 't fair at all to those with passes . Not at all . The second thing was the Xpress pass handling . In the past you had to get up super early and go stand in line at the convention center to get Xpress passes for whichever movie you were confident would sell out and you might not get there early enough to line up . This year , they made it where you could get today and tomorrow 's passes now . So if you came the next day for your movie , you were less likely to get a pass because they were handed out the day before . It turned out that they were only doing a percentage of the seats for the day before , but that still lessened your chance of getting the pass that day and meant you had to now try for that pass two days in a row instead of one . It was insane , there were a lot of angry people and inline fighting for people getting numbers at the end of the line and then walking up and joining people earlier in line . I even saw a woman get a pass from her friend who left and tried to take her son in with her even though their numbers were originally in the 300s and here she is trying to walk her and her son in on number 153 together as one … but was for sure getting two Xpress passes for the two of them . She of course laid out the sad , but he 's my son and he 's a minor and blah blah blah and got through . It was infuriating . Those two things pretty much tied at number one for the worst thing about SXSW this year . The second worst thing was the opening short for all the movies by some animator named , Matt Reynolds . Not only were the images seemingly sexually oriented , but they also tended to make you feel like you were about to have some epileptic fit before each film . I 'm not sure what they were thinking when they chose this mess to show or why they thought it should be the opening . There were three that I saw and each one just as disturbing as the next . Let me explain . One of the shorts opens with what looks like a bunch of lady 's vaginas lapping up liquid from a pool and then they rush off and grab each other to make a film reel . Yea , vaginas . That is exactly what they looked like and my friend said I ruined it for her after I said that because up to then she wasn 't sure what they were . That is the same one that they chose to play before " Muppet Guys Talking " with that middle school choir and their parents in attendance . That was awesome . Next was one were these weird duck looking things are graduating from college . One of them lifts up the graduation gown and petticoats to grab its diploma . Then a hand grabs the other hand of this new graduate and rushes them off to Hollywood where they are jammed into an empty spot to form the leg of a director 's chair as a naked butt sits down on all of them . And the stress laden critter squeaks " SXSW " . So , yea , that was awesome . The third one I saw was really kind of the more drug induced one . A janitor in a roadside bathroom finds a hole in the brick wall where most likely people have been peeking inside . He pops out the glass of a pair of glasses and pushes it into the hole making a kind of pin - hole box projector . He slides down the wall of this bathroom and exclaims " Magnificent " as the upside down image projected on the wall morphs into " SXSW " . Suddenly the light is blocked from outside the hole and an elephant 's head is crammed through the hole and trumpets . WTH ? ? I really don 't know what the source of these animations were for Matt Reynolds or why the SXSW board would have greenlighted them for this festival but they were definitely the worst ones I have ever seen out of all the years I 've gone . They were all followed by a giant heart with growths on them that flashed in pink , red , and yellow to thank the volunteers . If anyone had epilepsy , now was the time to find out . If you had a headache , it was bad . If you were tired , it was bad . It was just bad . Previous articleSong to Song Review Next articleB . B . Araya : Telling the Stories of Women of Color Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published . Required fields are marked * Comment Name * Email * Website SIGN UP
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I think most of the research into social skills is screwy . The reason ? It all assumes you 're interacting with a neurotypical ( NT ) person . Therefore , ' good social skills ' refers to good understanding of NTs , while ' poor social skills ' refers to poor understanding of NTs . Imagine if we defined ' good language skills ' as ' speaking English well ' . A celebrated Swedish author , who writes compelling and interesting books but whose English is very poor , would be considered to have poor language skills . I hope everyone can see the problem with that . The same problem arises when we describe ' good social skills ' in terms of ability to relate well to NTs . I think there are two distinct sets of social skills . One is the ability to ' put yourself in another person 's shoes ' and imagine how you 'd feel in their situation , and use that to decide how to treat them . This works well if the person you 're interacting with is similar to you , not so well if they 're quite different from you . Most NTs use this set of skills quite heavily , because most people they meet are similar enough for it to apply fairly well . The second set of skills is the ability to set aside your own perspective and pay attention to the other person , to figure out what they 're thinking and feeling by observation . This is more laborious and inconvenient , but it works with anyone , no matter how much they differ from you . Most NTs seldom get a chance to learn these skills , unless they travel to another culture , form a close bond with an animal ( merely having a pet doesn 't necessarily count ) , or befriend someone with a developmental disability . For autistics , and for many other people described as having ' poor social skills ' , what 's actually going on is quite different . They are different enough from most NTs that ' putting themselves in other people 's shoes ' frequently leads to the wrong response - such as a 10 year old regaling his classmates with facts about cockroach biology on the assumption that they 'll find it just as fascinating as he does . With time and effort , they learn to stop putting themselves in other people 's shoes , and instead use the second , harder set of social skills a lot . I think both sets of skills are important . Being able to put yourself in someone else 's shoes , when appropriate , results in a far deeper experience of empathy for that person , and gives you a very rich knowledge base to interact with them . And though it 's easier than the second set of skills , it does take a certain degree of self - understanding to be able to match up someone else 's experience to your own and figure out what would have been helpful to you in that situation . And the second set of skills is important in understanding diversity , in seeing the rich variety of experience for what it is . It 's also , I think , important for social scientists , who use similar strategies even when dealing with their own ' kind ' of people . And it 's important because even NTs can 't always avoid interacting with people who are different from them . You may find that circumstances throw you unexpectedly into a situation of bridging difference , such as when a new mother is told that her child has a developmental disability . Atypical kids often learn the second set but not the first set . This means that they learn to see interaction in general as difficult and confusing . It also means that they have more trouble developing self - understanding , because they don 't get to form links between their own experience and what they see in others . Alexithymia , the inability to name or identify your own emotions , is commonly associated with autism . I suspect most kids learn to label emotions by having adults correctly recognize and label their own emotions as they 're feeling them ( which is harder when the adults are struggling to bridge a difference between themselves and the child ) , and by empathizing with others while hearing people label the others ' emotions ( which is harder when you wouldn 't feel that way in that situation ) . Spending time with people who are ' like you ' is very important to understanding yourself . Which brings me to the topic of integration vs segregation . Atypical kids , in order to succeed in life , need to learn skills for relating to NTs . And segregation is often used as a way to deny a proper education and enable discriminatory practices - no ' proper people ' see it who aren 't participating in it , and the children don 't see counter - examples to make them question it . But on the other hand , segregated spaces are important , since they allow atypical people to connect with others who are more similar to them . The solution , I think , is to allow opportunities for both integration and segregation , and to make sure the segregated spaces are voluntary and positive ( and preferably organized by the same kind of people who participate in that setting , like Autreat ) . Neurotypical people often miss out on learning the second set of skills . Being the majority group , this only causes problems under special circumstances , but it does mean missing out on some of the richness of human diversity . And it can be a serious problem for atypical people , dealing with a society where almost no one knows how to relate to them . Furthermore , as I noted before , NTs can 't always tell when they 'll be thrust into a situation requiring the ability to understand someone very different from themselves . And here is one of the best arguments for integration - when it 's done well , it gives NT children an opportunity to get to know someone different from most people , and to develop the skills to understand them . That is , when it 's done well . Many times , atypical kids in typical settings are rejected . No one tries to understand them or see their point of view . Instead , they learn that in order to be accepted by the people who matter , they must distance themselves from anyone who doesn 't fit in . I don 't think my classmates in any of my classes learnt anything valuable about relating to autistic kids from knowing me , for example . Other opportunities are cross - cultural encounters such as exchange programs or simply having immigrants in their social group . Being an immigrant , of course , is a potent way to learn about difference - I remember reading about a father of a high - functioning autistic boy who gained a better understanding of his son after they moved from US to England and he started running into social misunderstandings . Having pets can also be a good experience , but only if you approach your relationship to them with the understanding that they have their own , rich , nonhuman experience of the world . If you anthropomorphize them or else treat them like objects that happen to move around on their own , you won 't gain much in the way of understanding differences . And they did - on the television , in the newspapers , and on the Internet . Pundits , reporters , and ordinary people all decided one thing : He must have been mentally ill . After all , how could a sane person do such a thing ? It 's as though utterly ordinary people don 't do atrocious , violent , unthinkable things every day of the week . I sometimes wonder whether people in this country are aware of the sheer level of violence that goes on all over the world , every minute of every day , perpetrated by folks who are neither mentally ill nor delusional . And I sometimes wonder why the message hasn 't gotten through that most mentally ill or delusional people never harm anyone - except perhaps themselves . And then I remember : Oh yeah . People love a scapegoat . So , hey , they figure , let 's go after some of the most vulnerable , stigmatized people out there . Let 's choose people who are the victims of crime far , far more often than they are the perpetrators . Let 's choose people on the margins , without a lot of power . Let 's choose people who have already been kicked to the gutter . Yeah . Let 's do that . The hell with them . They 're not worth much anyway . And , by all means , let 's ignore the fact that most of the people who commit these crimes have two things in common : they are young and they are men . God forbid that we should ask ourselves , What are we doing to our young men that makes them do such things ? What are we teaching them ? What are we not teaching them ? No . It has to be someone else - that crazy person over there . Not my son . Not my neighbor . Not someone I might chat with on my front porch . Someone else . Someone other . I saw it beginning to happen . And then there was more . I saw people in You Tube videos and in the comments on news sites opining that the shooter must have been autistic - as though that would explain it . It was disturbing to read , but I thought , You know , Rachel , you can 't get upset with every ignorant person with an Internet connection and a YouTube account . Don 't give them your energy . I figured that the folks whose words I was reading didn 't have that much reach , and I comforted myself in the knowledge that people were speaking up and countering the ignorance with information . It was an uneasy kind of comfort , but it was comfort nonetheless . And then I woke up this morning , and I read what had come out of Joe Scarborough 's mouth . On Morning Joe , an MSNBC program with an audience of millions of viewers , Joe decided that it was time to join the He Must Be Autistic chorus . According to an article on Politico . com : " As soon as I hear about this shooting , I knew who it was . I knew it was a young , white male , probably from an affluent neighborhood , disconnected from society - it happens time and time again . Most of it has to do with mental health ; you have these people that are somewhere , I believe , on the autism scale , " said Scarborough , whose son has Asperger 's syndrome . " I don 't know if that 's the case here , but it happens more often than not . People that can walk around in society , they can function on college campuses - they can even excel on college campuses - but are socially disconnected . " Whenever I hear the phrase You don 't want to generalize , I brace for impact , because I know that what 's about to come next is a disaster . In this case , the disaster was , as my kid would say , epic . The disaster consisted of two bombshells falling to earth , one right after another , and blowing to smithereens the hard work of autism advocacy carried out by thousands of autistic people , autism parents , and autism professionals . First , there is the absolutely false idea that people who commit mass murder are on the autism spectrum . According to Joe , it happens more often than not . What ? Where 's the evidence ? Oh , right . There isn 't any . Because it 's not true . There has never been any evidence what - so - fucking - ever that autism is associated with criminal violence . It makes me feel sick to even have to counter this nonsense , but I have to , because now , millions of people are going to believe it . And then , there 's the image of autistic people who can " walk around in society " looking like everyone else , putting together respectable GPAs , and seeming so utterly , utterly ordinary , until one day - well , you know . I 'd like to take this moment to thank Joe for representing autistic people , in the popular mind , as ticking time bombs . Well done , Joe ! I 'm sure the next ethical , talented , gentle autistic young man who doesn 't get a job because the hiring manager thinks he might be the next office shooter will thank you . Maybe he 'll even name his kid after you . And what about the shy kid with Asperger 's who already has difficulty making friends ? What will happen to him with such falsehoods circulating in the world he inhabits ? And what of older autistic people , heading into their elder years facing exclusion and ignorance ? What about them ? I wonder sometimes . Do people like Joe Scarborough know what it means to be that stigmatized ? Do they have any idea of the fear it engenders in people ? Do they have any idea of how it tears at the heart ? I don 't know . But I do know this : We can 't let such things go without protest . So please , let Joe Scarborough and the folks at MSNBC know how you feel by leaving your comments at the Morning Joe feedback page . And remember to sign my online petition asking Joe Scarborough and MSNBC to issue a full retraction of Joe 's remarks . The family was on our way home from Maine . We 'd wolfed down our very last lobster rolls at Captain Hook 's - our traditional first and last stop on the way in and out of town . I 'd memorized the images of Brooke laughing in the pool , proving to myself that I hadn 't invented those perfect moments in my head . I 'd sulked and brooded quietly . I 'd in some way , shape or form snapped at everyone who dared to breathe in my general direction . I 'd even asked poor Katie to please stop talking for a while and give Mama a little break . Yep , pretty much had it covered . As we turned onto the highway , I looked back at Brooke in her seat . She hadn 't said a word or made so much as a stimmy vocal peep since we 'd gotten into the car . She was but a phantom in the seat behind mine . She was slumped over . Her arms were stretched forward toward her feet and she was staring vacantly ahead . There was something in her posture - a heaviness , a sadness - that I 'd never seen before . She wasn 't tense , but she looked weighted down , almost as if she were melting into her seat , into herself . Seeeing her like that was just awful . Out of nowhere , she very quietly announced that she needed a band - aid for a scrape on her knee . I sprung into action . ACTION ! Something I could DO . I unbuckled my seat belt and climbed feverishly into the back seat with the girls . I would have used any excuse to get there eventually , but this one was terrifically convenient . Brooke resumed her original posture . I stroked her back lightly , gingerly . I didn 't trust my touch . Might it soothe or burn her skin ? I had no idea . She answered the question by jerking away , turtling further into the corner of her seat . I had no where to go . I leaned into her slowly . As quietly and softly as I possibly could I whispered , " I 'm here , baby . Anything you need , Mama 's here . I love you so much . When you need something , you just tell me , OK ? " She didn 't balk until , without thinking , I touched her hair . " Don 't touchmepleaseMama ! ' she spit out . She was tense , upset . " You would go there please ! ' she said . Her voice was strained and anxious . She pointed an outstretched arm to the front of the car . I kissed Katie on the head and climbed back into the front seat , thouroughly dejected . " I feel like an ugly drunk guy in a bar who can 't stop hitting on every pretty girl who walks in , " I told Luau . " I can 't take the constant rejection . She just keeps swatting me away . " I fought back tears all the way to the New Hampshire border . Knowing , understanding , rationalizing , don 't always mean feeling . I KNEW what she needed . I UNDERSTOOD that she had been able to use the language to tell me . I FELT hurt . Katie requested a pit stop . Luau pulled into the first one we saw . He and Brooke stayed in the car while Katie and I made our way in . When we came back to the car , I opened the door for her to let her in . Brooke looked exactly as she had when we left , but she looked over at me as I opened the door . " I love you , angel , " I said softly . " Love you , Mom , " she responded in a whisper . I reached across the seat and laid my hand out on it , just a few inches from hers . She reached out with one little finger and touched my hand . " Baby ? " I began - tentative , insecure . Like the drunk in the bar , I just couldn 't leave well enough alone . But I saw something . An invitation in the little finger on my hand . I sat like the Tin Man between the girls . I was desperately afraid to touch Brooke . It 's second nature - reaching for my girls , stroking them , touching them , holding them . But I fought with every fiber of my being . I couldn 't take it again . I just couldn 't . So I sat with my right arm tight to my side , hand in my lap . We rode that way for a while . Katie periodically showed me funny passages from her book and we shared a few odd moments of much needed comic relief . But I never lost sight of my parameters . The lines I wouldn 't cross . Out of the clear blue , Brooke grabbed my arm as though her life depended on it . It was nearly violent in its sheer force . She 's tiny , but she almost knocked me over as she yanked my arm away from my body . She suddenly and quickly wrapped herself around my arm and tucked her head down into the crook of my shoulder . I couldn 't breathe . I turned to her , still afraid to move , unsure of how to respond . She was looking RIGHT AT ME . Dead on , straight into my eyes with an intensity I just couldn 't place and would never dare to name . Brooke 's expression didn 't change , but she looked at me even more intently than she had before I 'd begun to cry . She took one little hand and put it all the way around my back . It snuck just under the top of my dress and settled on my back . She was cradling me . It was nearly too much - too sweet - to handle . The strap of my dress had fallen off of my shoulder . I hadn 't noticed . With tiny little fingers , Brooke delicately picked it up and gently placed it back . I can 't possibly describe the tenderness of that moment . I will never have those words . The lightness of her touch was like an angel on my skin . She had never , ever done anything like that before . I don 't know if I knew that until that moment . Grateful , overwhelmed tears poured down my cheeks . Katie looked over . " It 's OK , Mama , " she said , and she laid her head on my other arm . Even though I was crying in front of my children , I still wanted to freeze the moment in time - live in it , relish it , cherish it . I wanted to put it in a delicate porcelain box and keep it next to my bed . Brooke leaned forward and craned her head around to get a better look at my face . Her brow furrowed ever so slightly - a perfect approximation of her sister 's go - to expression . She reached forward and took a child 's board book from the seat - back in front of her . She grabbed my face and turned it toward her . She ran the book along my cheek . " It would make the yucky go out of your eyes , " she said . It hurt like hell - a cardboard book dragged across a sunburned cheek - but it was the sweetest thing she 'd ever done . She looked unsatisfied . She tried a little finger right IN my eye instead , but that didn 't seem to do the job either . I sat in stunned silence , submitting completely to this doting little creature who was introducing herself to me . She lifted Boots the Monkey out of her lap , where he 'd been buckled in along with her . She used his ' hair ' to dry my tears . I snapped out of my reverie long enough to help her dry my face . This finally did it . She seemed satisfied that the ' yuckies ' were gone . Dinner 's wrapping up . Well , mostly . Brooke has apparently decided that she 's done . We know this because she 's done the fake burp which she now uses to convey the fact . Unexpected , perhaps , but pretty damned funny , especially given that it 's not really a burp as much as a croak . She comes running back to the table . I never cease to be amazed by just how much this child runs . Someday I 'm going to put a pedometer on her . I 'm guessing a marathon a day . She puts one cheek back in her chair and cocks her head toward me . Sort of . " Meeeeeeeee I be excused please ? Cause I 'm all full . * Burp * " Before I know what 's happened , she 's crawled up and over me and is sitting on my lap . Her long , lean legs hang over the sides of my chair . She is straddling me and we are facing one another . Taking advantage of the proximity , I deposit a kiss on her nose . She grins . She reaches for both of my hands and laces her fingers through each of them . I will never take this for granted . She holds my hands up on either side of my head , just below my ears , and begins to sway us side to side . And then she sings . We are intertwined - a messy tangle of hands , legs , eyes . God , those big brown eyes . Locked onto mine . The second time in a matter of days . We 're so close I can smell the spaghetti on her breath . The moment is so sweet , so intense , I nearly lose it . As soon as she finishes the song , she tells me that it 's my turn to sing it to her . I happily oblige , adding my own little twist . This goes on for so long that I finally scoop her up in my arms and move us both to the comfy chair in the den . For what has to be a solid fifteen minutes - a lifetime in our world , we interact this way . Alternating singing to one another , changing the words ever so slightly each time . Hands clasped , inches apart . Eventually we stop singing and she leads me into a series of scripts . I follow happily as she makes her way through Rock , Paper , Scissors , Shoot ! to Ugly Pear Lop Ala Kazool and then a hard right into the Land of the Knock Knock Jokes . " Knock knock , " she says . " Who 's there ? " I answer . " Pooch , " she says . " Pooch who ? " I ask . " Pooch your arms around me , baby ! " she says as we roll into a hug on the chair . Her giggle melts into my hair . I will follow her as long as she will have me . It 's getting late . Brooke should already be in bed , but we 're still puttering around getting things ready for tomorrow . No one 's in a panic . It 's summertime , after all . Ten minutes later , Katie 's door creaks open . Luau looks down and finds me on the floor in front of her dresser . I 'm holding the shorts , laid across the top of the open drawer where they belong . I am sobbing . I miss my girl so much that it 's physical . I feel like I left not just my heart at that camp , but my left arm along with it . I 'm OK - sort of - until I come in here . Here , in her room , where she isn 't , I don 't have a prayer . I know I should have run in , dropped the shorts and run out . But I wasn 't strong enough . And here I am , as Katie would say , a big ole blob of Mama mush on her floor . Brooke appears in the door behind Luau . I know I should do something . Say something . Be stronger than I am . There 's no time to process what I should be doing or how I should do it . In one fluid moment , Brooke crosses the room , straddles my lap and grabs my hands . Before I can think about what 's happening , we are swaying . And she is singing . Those of us considered neuro - typical - what do we do in that situation ? We wait . We watch . We look for clues . We assess . We ask inane questions . " Are you ok ? " ( Obviously not , no . ) We dance around each other . " Is there anything I can do ? " ( A tissue , I suppose . ) We wait for our cue to enter from stage right . Maybe she needs a moment . When she stops crying , I 'll go talk to her . She doesn 't stop to process , to wonder , to hem , to haw , to ask , " Is this the right thing to do ? " She isn 't hampered by convention nor bullsht social construct . She saw her Mama hurting and she reacted in the best way that she knew how . She came to tell me that everything was OK . I still remember the conversation with one of my son 's preschool teachers like it was yesterday . " We 're concerned that your son doesn 't show empathy in his interactions with other kids . " This was three years before his Asperger 's diagnosis , and it was just one of many concerns voiced by his teachers during that difficult first year of preschool . The research and literature on autism and Asperger 's Syndrome is rife with references to empathy . The traditional view has been that individuals on the spectrum lack empathy - the ability to understand and share the feelings of another . However , in the past few years , this view has been increasingly challenged . In 2009 , a study conducted by Henry and Kamila Markram of the Brain Mind Institute in Lausanne , Switzerland , suggested that not only do individuals on the autism spectrum have empathy , but they actually feel others ' emotions too intensely to cope . Kamila Markram states , " There are those who say autistic people don 't feel enough . We 're saying exactly the opposite : they feel too much . " The Markrams are also the co - originators of the Intense World theory of autism , which proposes that the autistic brain is characterized by hyper - reactivity and hyper - plasticity of neurons . This is thought to lead to greatly enhanced perception , attention , and memory , which may lie at the heart of most autistic symptoms . Their theory suggests that the fundamental problem in autism spectrum disorders is not a social and empathetic deficiency , but rather a hypersensitivity to experience , which includes an overwhelming fear response . It can mean a major shift in how you support your child . Your focus to date may have been on helping your child develop empathy - teaching him or her how to better understand and respond to the feelings of others . If the Intense World theory is correct , attempting to teach your child empathy may only bring limited success - your child is already an empathetic individual , and what he really needs is support coping with his intense emotions so he can express empathy more appropriately . The gist of the Intense World theory is that the autistic brain must be calmed down , learning must be slowed , and cognitive functions must be diminished in order for the autistic individual to deal effectively with life and other people - including the expression of empathy . In other words , autistics are too high - functioning in some respects and this is what causes their challenges . It 's definitely a paradigm shift ! I asked my son , who has Asperger 's Syndrome , why he sometimes reacts the way he does when someone else gets hurt . His answer seems to support the Intense World theory - he said " Sometimes the pain in my heart is so strong , that it comes out as anger against the person who got hurt . " He has made a lot of progress in expressing empathy appropriately , but a stronger emphasis on helping him deal with the intensity of his emotions may just be the key to helping him master this important skill . To make matters worse , nobody was expecting it . One day , she was " chirpy " and seemed to be in perfectly good health , and the next she was gone . She was in our family for longer than our kids , and she has left a huge hole in our family heart . We all deal with strong emotions , such as love , anger , and grief , in our own ways . My wife tends to cry things out , but I often internalise them and take them on board as stress and , at times , self - harmful behaviour . In the kids , these emotions can manifest as meltdowns or as general destructive behaviour . But sometimes , there 's nothing to see on the surface at all . For some reason , our society seems to think that it 's okay to quantify emotions based on visible reactions . In my experience , if an event occurs to two people , and the woman is crying while the man is not , then the woman needs the most care and attention because " she 's the one who is really hurt . " The solution is to talk in a quiet voice , and bring lots of cups of tea and chocolates . The man , by contrast isn 't bawling his eyes out , so he 's obviously not hurt . There 's nothing that you need to do for him . There 's no need to tread lightly because " he 's not even upset . " In fact , if the event is of an appropriate level - for example the death of a loved one - then anyone not outwardly grieving is " fair game . " You can take things out on them , and you 're more or less expected to say " What 's wrong with you , man ? " The words " you don 't care " should also be used in conversation to him . There 's strong evidence in the online community that this is exactly the case . People with autism and Asperger 's Syndrome can lack facial expression and tone , but don 't lack emotions . In fact , we are very empathetic beings - sometimes even more empathetic that neurotypicals in terms of what we feel . Our problems are with the interpretation and the display of outward signs . The day after the Panda died , there was a conversation right in front of me about how useless I am at doing " manly things " around the house . It 's true . I really am useless at fixing things around the house . I didn 't react badly , and I wasn 't obviously sad , so there was no need for anyone to hold back . It was hard to keep suicidal thoughts out of my head for the rest of the day , because that 's how I deal with pain . Fortunately , I know that I 'm needed in my family and I know that depression is part of Asperger 's . I can reject those dark feelings because I know they 're part of the condition . It 's a good lesson to friends , parents , and spouses everywhere . Maybe your child or husband doesn 't display a lot of emotion ( that you can detect ) but everything you say is being noted . If you know that there is good cause for emotion , there 's no reason to assume that simply because you personally can 't detect it , it isn 't there .
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While honest reflection is helpful , too much in the wrong direction becomes never ending and will rob us from the joy of a job well done . You showed up each day , you put thought and effort into your parenting and teaching , you consider each child and what they need , you are nurturing their minds , hearts , and spirits for hours a day . This is the truth : in spite of all the improvements you could make , you still did a great job . 2 . I loved reading this free Simpler Summer Guide , by Melissa Camera Wilkins , and saved it to my desktop so I can review it in a month . Melissa 's wisdom caused me to immediately change some aspects of our plans , to deliberately decide not to work to provide endless entertainment for my kids at the expense of my own peace . 3 . I 'm vacationing from social media . It somehow always adds to the daily angst that I 'm not doing enough or being enough or looking great enough . If Pinterest counts as social media , then I 'm taking a break from that too , and design blogs . Our house is fine , just the way it is . The bullet journal I use has 249 pages , and I used it for 7 months . I know , that 's pretty quick . My mother - in - law expects hers to last for an entire year , and David , who has the smallest handwriting on the face of the earth ( says the person who painstakingly read his love letters in college ) , thinks his bullet journal will last 18 months . I posted about beginning to bullet journal back in January , so I 'll try not to repeat myself . All of the things I loved about it back then are true today . This post will be full of boring photos , but it 's the only way I know to show you what works for me . I use the Goodreads website very faithfully now to track what I read , and it works great for me . Typically if I 'm out and about and see a book I 'd like to try , I 'll snap a photo of it with my phone . Every so often someone will mention a book in conversation and then I 'll jot it down there . It takes a little more time than a ready - made planner , but it keeps my to - do list before me and let 's me purge things that have been finished or canceled . At the end of each month , I 'll pick a few quiet moments and sit at the dining table with a cup of hot tea and a ruler . I find it very soothing to draw up a new monthly spread and add events and tasks . Truly this takes no more than 30 minutes ( well , unless you have a half dozen distractions ) . At the beginning I pinned so many adorable page spreads to a Pinterest board . I love people who doodle and turn even their to - do list into a work of art . I tried , I really did , but I am not one of those people . And I 'm at peace with that . I started out checking the weather each morning and writing it in next do the date , but dropped that habit months ago . As you can see from the photos , my pages are very plain - Jane . The plainer , the more likely I am to keep up with them . It 's just what works for me . At the top is the dinner schedule , then underneath I began writing a " To do this week " list , which works well . I also write out a daily list , but I like picking and choosing from my weekly list . I found that it keeps me from feeling overwhelmed by tasks and needing to migrating unfinished tasks as often . This is something else I really tried . I looked up several blog posts and tried to copy other people 's systems , but it didn 't work . It felt too jumbled . Now , I do keep running homeschool To - do list there , and will jot down ideas that pop into my head . But when it comes to actually planning out our days or record - keeping , I do those separately . I like a larger sheet of paper for homeschool brain - storming ( like 8 . 5 x 11 ) . Plus , as a friend commented , " I 'm not sure I want our homeschool curriculum plans that entwined with my daily life . " I wholly agree . In my first bullet journal it was 6 months , and when I learned of a date beyond , like a dentist appointment , I was always crunching it into the corner . I do not stress about writing events in order in my Future Log , it 's more like a scratch box to add anything that will happen in that month . It 's always a bit messy . I 'll make it look all nice and organized when I sit with my monthly spread . I have absolutely no idea how these DIY - ers manage to do enormous home projects and also blog about them . They have all my respect . Meanwhile , I 'm most certainly not a DIY - er , and I 'm still just hanging on for dear life . Things got a whole lot harder here during the last third of the addition when a giant hole was cut in our living room wall , and various and sundry people began traipsing in and out every day . Oh and there 's the dust . And the noise . And the piles of clutter around our house . And a lot of kids to keep out of everyone 's way . And the shopping . I know , I know , you 're like , wait , she 's complaining about shopping now ? Must be nice . But as anyone who 's ever experienced a house or yard project can attest , you go to Lowe 's or Home Depot on average 1 . 5 times a day . There are so many decisions , about things I never in my life expected to care about , but are suddenly vitally important . And remember this : whatever you buy will have to be exchanged at least once . Me : " Hey , guys , I 'm sorry to say this , but we actually need to go back to Lowe 's . " Amie and Judah : " Noooooooo ! ! ! ! " Gabe and Noah : " Yay ! ! ! ! Lowe 's ! ! ! ! ! " And enough of my whining already , right ? I mean , I 'm getting another bathroom ! And a bedroom ! And a closet ! And a lovely little hallway for books and plants . Truly , I 'm very very thankful , and David and I say constantly that it 's going to be worth every inconvenience and every penny we 've spent . It 's turning out better than we ever imagined it could be . We 're almost there ! We 're so close we can just about reach out and touch it . Maybe two weeks until we can move in ? That 's nothing , right ! ? We have brick ! Actually these photos are outdated . The brick is completely finished , and I 'll post more after the masons come this weekend and clean of the mortar and it looks all nice and crisp ( who am I kidding , I 'll probably post photos a couple weeks after the fact ) . Oh , how much my little guys are going to miss having an " instruction site " in our yard . They were mesmerized by this dumpster exchange . And meanwhile , I was consumed with guilt over the fact that our little house project has generated over a dumpster 's worth of waste . Wendell Berry would be horrified . Please don 't tell him . The other two beds are David 's babies . He loves them . He tends them . It 's one of his favorite ways of unwinding . But we want our kids to learn the gardening process and to be able to do it all by themselves , so this bed is for them . Soil and plants aren 't especially cheap , so it 's more than " digging in the dirt . " There are rules . Think of it as a little hands - on class . They are thrilled . Here 's our new doorway , in all it 's glory . I love that Scott made it larger than a traditional doorway , in order to let in more natural light from that window . The bookcase to the left will go in Judah 's room to open up that space more , and those books will be moved to the new built - ins , which will be in the nook to the left when you walk through the addition doorway . The brown chair will go elsewhere too . We 're doing the painting ourselves in order to save money , and by " we " I mean mostly David , with some help from my brother and me . It 's a whole lot of painting , especially with all the new trim . Some pieces were primed but still need two coats . He 's been wonderful about it . I really wanted to go with an almost - white to make our space look big and light - filled , but worried that all white would feel a bit stark . So our exact color is Olympic Hourglass , which is a very - slightly - gray white . The trim and doors will be the Behr paint match of Benjamin Moore Simply White ( I highly recommend this color if you 're looking for a true white ; I got the tip from Young House Love ) . Here 's our closet ! After getting the quote for custom shelving , we decided to go with an IKEA metal rack system , which is considerably less expensive . There will be carpet in here too . And here , my friends , is the bathroom . In the last two weeks the shower and floor were tiled . We planned to save money and use vinyl flooring in the bathroom right up until this very week . The cost turned out to be reasonable , since we went with larger tiles , and we are so , so glad we did it . I found our bathroom paint color on an HGTV Pinterest post : it 's the Olympic brand of Sherwin Williams Intellectual Gray ( from Fixer Upper ! ) , and it 's a Gray / Taupe . I spent some time really stressing that it was too dark ( of course it was the one color we didn 't get a sample of ) , but the light floors and cabinets make it look better . I wanted it to feel cozy and I think it does ! Look at this shower ! We think it 's stunning . We wanted to go with subway tile with an inset and little shelf , and because we were willing to use remnants from our builder and the tile guy , we got the floor tile and that pretty inset design for free . We still walk in the bathroom and look at each other and say , " This can 't really be ours . " My baby is a Classical Conversations Memory Master ! He did it ! He was tested on 400 pieces of information from our school year in the subjects of Latin , English Grammar , History , Math , and Science , and had to achieve one hundred percent in order to get the award . He was the youngest student at our CC campus to become a Memory Master this year . Words cannot express how proud I am of him . It 's not that I care if all my kids are Memory Masters . But God has given Judah an amazing mind , and I loved seeing him set a new goal this year and work hard for it and do his best . We told him he 'd get the reward of a fun experience if he became a Memory Master , and I 'll let him tell you about that in a post after the experience . But we love adoption and want to celebrate it and support it for the rest of our lives , and of course we know one day they will have lots more questions . And so we decided our family 's annual Adoption Day tradition will be Dunkin ' Donuts for breakfast . The kids loved it ! Today David took the two older kids on a big hike in the Greenville area , and I took Gabe and Noah to the zoo and to Chick - Fil - A . Personally , it was my favorite two - year celebration because it 's rare that I get to be alone with just the two of them , just having fun . Spending today enjoying my boys felt beautiful . They make my life better . I know all of you have your own busy , stressful lives , but if you get a moment , shoot me an email or text letting me know what 's up with you ! What 's the hardest part of life right now ? What 's the best ? ( those could actually be the same thing ) I love hearing from you and hate that this blog often feels like a one - sided conversation . In all of the construction stress , the most restful thing for me is to NOT think about the construction . I love hearing from my friends and family ( and internet friends ! you 're not a blog stalker ! ) . Oh , it 's not that I don 't enjoy writing , or that I don 't have any ideas . I do ! I have two full page spreads in my bullet journal of ideas . It 's just that when it comes time to actually sit down and write , I stare at the screen and my head feels like mush . I do have the time - I can make the time . But where oh where is my creativity ? I look longingly at my DSLR camera and think how lucky I am to have it , and how much I love photography , but truthfully , I 'm bored of taking photos of my kids and my house . But that 's who I 'm with , that 's where I am . Every day . I know what you 're thinking : Take a break , Julie ! Stop over - analyzing everything ! Your hands are full : this isn 't the season for writing and creating . And I know that you 're exactly right . But can I just say that the truth of that fact is a bitter pill to swallow ? I want to write . I ache to write . I love it and it 's an outlet and it makes me happy . I love this little blog . I love taking pictures and trying to get better at doing it . I feel so thankful that I get a tiny online space to actually practice creating , and that you respond ! That is very wrong of me , and I 'm asking God to change my heart . I am truly living my dream , in a charming little house full of children and a husband who loves me and stacks and stacks of books . I am not carting water in pails or plucking chickens for dinner or mending clothes by candlelight . I have hours to sit and educate my kids and I have money to shop and cook healthy meals . I 'm embarrassed to admit that I even have a house cleaner who faithfully comes each month and leaves us with a sparkling - clean house . I have evenings to read and no one is waking me in the middle of the night to nurse . I guess to confess that in my deepest heart , I struggle with contentment . I have more to be thankful for than I could ever list here , and yet I 'm selfish with my time and energy . I don 't want to give them away to my family , I want to hoard and collect enough moments to write without interruption - whenever inspiration strikes . I want to be a hermit . It 's hard to make myself come back again and again to the blog when my brain hurts . It 's hard to accept " good enough " when I want " brilliant . " Does that make sense ? I 'm not going to describe for you how to bullet journal , because there are those who have done it wonderfully . There are two posts David and I followed to get started : this one from the official Bullet Journal website , and one from the Lazy Genius Collective . You can 't do better than to read their posts thoroughly as you begin . Now I keep my one notebook close by throughout my day and carry it in my purse so I can always access it , always keep my notes in one spot . I guess that leads me to clarify : I take my bullet journal out in public , so it includes anything I wouldn 't mind someone finding and reading . It 's not a diary . But it is a faithful record of my days . The daily lists help me see exactly how much I get done every day ( and it 's a lot ! ) , they allow me to remember that date night to Barnes and Noble I had with Judah . They 're sort of an in - your - face , glass - half - full reminder . Yes , it was a crazy week and I never got around to writing that blog post , but David and I got to take a sushi class ! I 'll give you one example of how it 's dramatically helped me , and that 's with meal planning and grocery shopping . Look at the photo at the top of this post : when I start a new spread I always fold a middle sheet of paper in half . The front lists dinners for the week , an exercise log , and homeschool ideas specific to that week . On the back fold is my grocery list . It is always with me . Does this make sense ? I guess you could say since they 're always in front of me , my meal plans and grocery list are a constant work in progress , so if David texts to say he stopped at Whole Foods , do I need anything , I know exactly what to say . And on Grocery Day , rather than staring at Pinterest in despair , wondering what on earth to feed my family , I take just a couple minutes to complete my lists , and I 'm off . Because the bullet journal is just a notebook I 've created , there is nothing to mess up ! If a page looks ugly , I just finish it up and turn to a new page and vow to use better handwriting . As much as I adore sparkling , gold - foiled Yearly Planners , I 'd end up wasting gobs of space , year after year , because none was ever exactly what I needed . But my bullet journal is exactly what I need . Some days I use it a ton , other days I don 't touch it . Some days Amelie and I sit and doodle cute pictures next to the date , some days it 's sparse . There 's no pressure to make it look a certain way ( stop looking at Pinterest , now ! Unless you love to doodle , and then have at it ) . No space is wasted . In case you 're wondering , I keep almost everything in my Daily and Monthly lists and just add page numbers to the Index as I record important information . I 've made a few extra lists , for Gardening tips and Book ideas , but I rarely refer to them . The Daily List is for me . An example of the bullet journal 's flexibility I tried the Bullet Journal website method of planning out my month in a list for two months , and didn 't love it . I missed those squares . So in January , I made squares ! And they 're just perfect . So here 's exactly what I do if I really have it together : I spend a few minutes before bed at night starting the next day in my bullet journal . I write the date and the weather , then what 's for dinner directly under it . I write appointments , migrate any tasks I 've left undone . Then I pull out my Bible and read , and I can focus much , much better . I 'm not worried about forgetting my to - do list , because I 've already started it . It 's right next to me . Finally , I just think it 's pretty . Despite the fact that I no longer need to buy a Planner , I like nice things , especially nice bookish things . I won 't lie , having a good - quality , clean notebook and pen for my bullet journal makes a difference . I like the feel of it in my hands . I like the gray cover and the silky smooth pages . I like that those pages are numbered for me . I love my $ 3 pen that doesn 't smudge , ever . The last thing I bought is a tin of book darts to mark my most - used pages ( for me that 's the Future Log and Monthly Calendar ) , and I think those are pretty too . But this competition experience is challenging me in a new way as a parent . All four kids for the most part enjoy their swim practices . They like their friends and their coaches and have gained confidence in learning new skills . But truthfully , the meets have been hard for Judah and Amelie . They are really , really intense experiences : noisy and crowded and competitive . David and I aren 't allowed to be on the pool deck with them , so we drop them off at the door into a sea of coaches and children , armed with bags of towels , swim caps , goggles and snacks , and they spend the day with their coaches and team . They have some help , but still need to remember where to line up and what heat they 're swimming in , what the whistles mean , when to start and when to end the race . They 're surrounded by kids who are way , way better than them . It hurts me so badly to see them scared and pushed beyond what they think they can do . In short , I want to let them quit . I want to wrap my arms tight around them and protect them from the hard things in life : from making mistakes and being embarrassed in front of their friends , from coaches who yell at them and from being told they aren 't doing it right . I see that desire in my own heart . I want to tell the kids that if they want to quit swimming , if it 's too overwhelming and scary , they can . When they face a bully or a clique in our homeschool community , I want to intervene or to pull them out , to search for another group where they 're treated better . Although I 'm not saying it 's any easier for you to go through it than it is for me . None of us parents want our kids to suffer . All of us have this innate desire to rescue them from the hard things . But somehow when it comes to my kids , I feel the opposite . I fiercely want to protect them from any kind of trial . I want to straighten their paths and raise their valleys . I want to step in and micromanage circumstances and keep them from pain . In real life , we suffer . We are lonely and misunderstood and sometimes we get made fun of . We fail and we get embarrassed and have to do things that are really hard . Sometimes we get sick or anxious or depressed . In real life we also sin against other people and have to face the consequences . We have to learn to see and admit our sin - our own bullying or cliques or unkindness - and repent and ask forgiveness from others . Our pride gets hurt as we realize we 're not quite as awesome as we once thought . But thus far , we 've seen good fruit from allowing our kids to face hard things . We 've seen them grow a little more humble . We 've seen them trust Jesus in new ways - to pray to Him themselves instead of just waiting for Mom and Dad to pray . We 've seen them learn to forgive . We 've seen them grow thicker skin and learn some resiliency , to learn that they aren 't victims , that they 're stronger than they thought they were . We 've seen them become just a little bit more compassionate towards other people . If you 're a parent of kids older than mine , I 'm sure you 're thinking right now , Oh this is just the beginning , Julie . I know you 're right . And while I 'm tempted to fear the unknowns in my kids ' future , I trust that God will give us grace for the hard things yet to come , just as He 's helping us day by day right now . I 've been thinking on it for a couple of weeks now , anxious to share all these things I 've been learning . I have some new systems in place . A tighter , more effective daily schedule ! Fewer commitments ! Less time on social media ! But the more I tried to get my thoughts out of my head and wrestle this blog post into submission , the more I seemed to notice my real life , hitting me over the head like a 2 × 4 . In short , the more miserable I became . You know , I have this growing resentment in my heart as I struggle to reconcile the Julie in my head with the Julie in real life . But I 'm doing everything right ! I 'm making better choices . I do have a better daily schedule so that I get one - on - one time with each kid . I read a book during afternoon rest time instead of browsing Pinterest and Instagram . I get weekly time out by myself . I hardly ever even watch TV ! And yet . I 'm so tired . And miserable . I work and work and work , and still , deep down have this gnawing , ever - present knowledge that I 'm not a good mom . It is hard parenting four small children as an introvert . You know what ? It 's hard parenting small children period , whether you have one or six , whether you 're an introvert or an extrovert . The mundane - ness of life , day after day , with the laundry and making dinner and sibling quarrels is enough to make me crazy . I 'm making some good choices , but I 'm still failing . Every single day I beg God , " Make me a better mom . A better wife . Make me less selfish . Please , I beg You . " I snap at my kids every . single . day . Multiple times a day . I correct them for stupid , meaningless things , like chewing food with their mouth open and spilling water and wiggling too much at the dinner table . I 'm so negative . I have a real problem controlling my tongue . I criticize David and the kids way too much . I have impossible expectations of Gabe and Noah , who are very little boys who make a lot of messes and noise and are doing their best to learn to obey . Also , I want to be left alone . I want space to sit and breathe and read a book without little hands pushing and pulling and stroking my hair and endless questions . Oh , the questions . I want my husband to come home from an exhausting day at work and I want to dump the kids on him and say , " I 'm done . Here . You do something with them . " This week our family was invited for dinner at someone 's house , a family who were total strangers to us . It went really well ! Especially for all the anxiety I 've had this year . I made it through the whole evening and felt happy . We all talked and laughed and my kids were polite and actually ate the dinner they served and played great with their kids and we exchanged numbers when we left . They really liked us ! I laid on the couch and said to God , " I can 't do this . It 's too hard . It 's impossible for me to live for my family the way I live for other people . I can 't keep up the performance for them . They see the real me . In truth , I know that I 'm impressive to other people . I know that I 'm friendly and easy to talk to and can be called upon to give good advice from time to time . I speak sweetly to my children in public and have taught them nice manners . I stay home full - time and I homeschool but I 'm also a pastor 's wife ! I like to make people feel welcome ! Well , God has taken much of that away from me . I 've been shocked by the feelings of anger and worthlessness it 's dredged up . And after I got over those feelings , I get to face the cold , hard truth : that it 's way easier to spend time with and serve people I know just a little than those I know a lot - those who know me inside and out . Each morning around the dining table , Advent candles lit , the kids and I have recited this catechism together . We 've broken down the phrases and defined the words . But this morning I said to my kids , " Do you know what sin displeases God today ? " They asked , " What ? " And I said , " My sin . " I proceeded to tell them a little about my sin . I told them how wrong it is , that I do not have a happy heart , that I am often unkind to them , and very selfish with my time , and care more about how I look on the outside than how my heart is on the inside . I listed some of the ways I disobey God . I told them that I want to hate and forsake my sin . I asked them to forgive me . I prayed then and there , that God will forgive me and help me . I said , " I 'm your Mommy and God still wants you to obey , but I 'm displeasing Him if I tell you what to do in a mean way or when I 'm too harsh and critical with you guys . That 's wrong . " This gives you an insight into the real me - Judah 's first question was , " But what if telling you that makes you even more mad ? " And I said , " I really , really hope that doesn 't happen , but if it does , then tell me that too . I trust that the Holy Spirit is living inside me and will show me my sin . " But I 'm not feeling resentful any more . I 'm feeling more than a little humbled , more than a little chastened . I go to the park and look at the people around me and know that I 'm no better than any of them , even with a dinner plan for tonight and well - behaved children and cute shoes . I don 't have to endlessly prove to God what a good Mom and good wife I am , because I 'm not . I also wanted to separate this post from my homeschool series , because I actually think anyone can do Morning Time ! It could happen any time of day . I plan to work hard to create a routine like this for our summer , to give our mornings some structure . It all started 2 1 / 2 years ago on a drive to my aunt 's house for July 4th weekend . As an introvert traveling with noisy children , I had my headphones in and was listening to an interview I had stumbled upon between Andrew Kern of the Circe Institute and Sarah Mackenzie of Read Aloud Revival . They were discussing the idea of teaching from a state of rest and the importance of not approaching the education of our children from a place of panic and anxiety to check off the growing list of boxes on our to - do list each day ( here is the podcast ) . This talk of anxiety and long to - do lists resonated deeply with me because I daily fight against my type - A personality . I was a deeply ingrained overachiever in school when I was a student . I was hanging on their every word and eager to drink in more of their wisdom . The idea of " Morning Time " was brought up and the name Cindy Rollins , who most consider the inventor of this genius and beautiful idea . The beauty of Morning Time is that you can tailor it uniquely to your family . As with most things , it is wise to start slowly and then build on your routine rather than trying to fit in all the inspiring subjects at the beginning and overwhelm your kids and stress yourself out . In our home with a daughter in third grade and a son who is 2 1 / 2 this is what Morning Time looks like for us . * Recite a family motto . I drew these from Sally Clarkson 's " 24 Family Ways " . One example is " We are generous with what we have , sharing freely with others . I encourage anyone who wants to take time during the day to pause with their family and sit together taking in truth , beauty and goodness that it is worth the effort . It could be as simple as reading a poem each night at dinner or memorizing a verse together every day for a month and discussing it . It doesn 't have to be formal or complicated . The dailiness is what makes it special and powerful . Remember my very profound post after vacation about being content and living in the moment and spending more time curled up at home with my kids ? Well , I started the week with the best of intentions and ended it flat on my face . On Friday , we went to look at a bigger house in our neighborhood , which was charming but just not quite the right fit for our family . Nonetheless I came back home and stomped around complaining about our one bathroom and small kitchen and patchy front yard ( yes , apparently I 'm not above behaving exactly like a teenager ) . Which all proves that we can have the best of intentions and sometimes life knocks us on our rear and we have to deal with it . That 's where repentance comes in . And forgiveness , and the God of new - mercies - every - morning . And my post was still true , perhaps even more so because the kind of restlessness I was speaking of mostly refers to my heart and not to what 's happening externally . I can rearrange priorities and our schedule , but sometimes I have to do things I don 't want to do and make the best of it . So I worked in our yard all weekend and bought a few more plants , which did wonders for my gratitude . And I tried on a gentler voice this morning while getting the kids out the door to swim team . We switched mornings so they could be with their friends , and they were all happy . And back home I skipped a few worksheets so that I could curl up with Gabe and read . If you 're unfamiliar with the series , they begin when Harry is 11 years old , and each book covers a year of his life at Hogwarts School . The books mature as Harry matures , which is one of the many reasons I think J . K . Rowling is a genius . Not only do they follow a plot that darkens with each book , but the characters become complex as Harry moves from the rather emotionally concrete world of middle school , into the murky teenage years where everything isn 't black and white , and he 's navigating different sorts of relationships . 1 . There are a lot of things I want to shelter Judah from right now , while he 's 8 1 / 2 , but the content of the Harry Potter books is just not high on that list . I love the characters . I love the themes of friendship , loyalty , making wise choices , standing up for what 's right rather than what 's popular , and forgiveness . We 've talked about the dating stuff , which is just part of life , and we discuss other situations and characters as they come up . Oh how I wish I could start assigning him literary analysis papers , because this series is a treasure trove of characters and themes ( I 'm such a nerd , I know ) . 2 . Judah has always known his limits with regard to what scares him , and he 's said that the books haven 't been too scary yet . You know what I realized ? Because of his age , I think he 's processing them differently than I do . Because I 've experienced more of the world , I shudder at the evil and grief and loss . But right now Judah sees it all as a magical world and a big , glorious battle between good and evil . I 'm okay with that . 3 . If you yourself are trying to decide when / how to let your children read this series , all I can say is that every family is different and every child is different . Definitely read the books yourself first so you can discuss situations that come up . Both Judah 's Mum - Mum and I are reading each book right behind him as a refresher , and lots of our family and friends have read them too , which makes for fun conversations right now ( he 's exchanging letters with David 's aunt as they read , which he loves ) . Watch your child to see how he / she is processing it . Are they consumed by it ? Are they having nightmares ? One rule we have is that Judah doesn 't read the books right before bed ; he and Amie listen to something light like Beverly Cleary or the Boxcar Children on audiobook before they fall asleep . Another thing I 've realized , is that I think in general people can handle violent or scary scenes in books better than on TV . There 's something about the images on a screen that stick in your mind , whereas when you 're reading a book you subconsciously create the image and scene for yourself , and typically it 's not as graphic . So Judah reads the books , but knows that he doesn 't want to watch beyond the first movie for now . So that 's our update ! I can 't tell you how much joy it brings me to see my child embrace reading and get swept up in a really great story . I hope this is just the beginning of a lifelong hobby for him ! My last laptop was a refurbished Macbook Pro , which we bought in 2010 , before moving to India , and I loved that thing into the ground . Now this one is the very first brand - new computer I 've owned ; it 's a 13 ″ Macbook Air , and I 'm smitten . It 's so crisp ! And clean ! I have a " delete " key ! And best of all - when I tap the keys , things that are supposed to happen , actually happen ! Can you believe that our church , CPC , is nearly three years old ? This is Noah and his buddy PJ , who 's been with us since the very beginning . He reaches for her as soon as he sees her . We already love our zoo , but it just opened a huge splash park / outdoor play place for kids , and we checked it out one morning last week . It was great ! I 'd say it 's geared a little more toward toddlers / preschoolers , but Judah and Amie still thoroughly enjoyed themselves and I think would enjoy it even more if we came back with some of their friends . If you haven 't been yet , my words of advice are : 1 . Park at the Botanical Gardens entrance , 2 . Go early , like right when the zoo opens at 9 : 00 am . After 11 it got so crowded - and summer break hasn 't even begun yet ! , and 3 . Wear bathingsuits and pack a change of clothes for afterwards ( I didn 't wear a swimsuit , which was fine , but my flip - flops got soaked , so be warned ! ) . We 're pressing on to finish our school year by the end of May . We worked hard this year , and so at the end have been spending lots more time reading aloud , and it feels very restful . Some friends invited Gabe and Noah over one morning , so I took the opportunity to take the big kids to a coffee shop for school . We sat and sipped our drinks and I finished a novel about a group of kids during World War 2 , and we did a few worksheets . Any moments I get to connect with just one or two of the kids at a time feel like a gift . The same friends that had the boys come play , noticed how much they enjoyed their son 's water table , and dropped one off for Gabe and Noah later that day ( again : the sweetness of our church family ) ! I 'm not exaggerating when I say it has already brought our little guys hours of delight . Noah finishes breakfast , strips right down to his skivvies , then races outside to play with the water . Speaking of Noah , this has been our set - up on Tuesday and Thursday mornings , when the big kids are in swim class . Usually there 's at least a couple of other moms and a toddler or two . As of last week , Noah now does 10 minutes in the pool one - on - one with a coach to start getting him ready to join the others . He 's not technically supposed to start until he 's four years told , but he has been dying to get in the water , as you can imagine . He loved it so much that he burst into loud wails , when we made him get out . A couple weeks ago , my friend Jessica and I took a little road trip to Greenville , to meet one of our literary heroes , Jacqueline Woodson . We both love her memoir , Brown Girl Dreaming , and I 've since read a handful of her other children 's and young adult books , and enjoyed them too . We had a great evening stopping in at M . Judson book shop for the book signing , meeting Jessica 's sister for dinner at the Trappe Door ( a favorite Greenville restaurant ) , and then heading to First Baptist Church to hear Jacqueline Woodson speak on her writing and on growing up in Greenville and New York . On Friday night , some friends got married in Charleston , and we drove with Kenny and Shari and stayed overnight ! I 've never been to a wedding in Charleston , and the reception for this one was at the Yacht Club - it was lovely to be right on the water . We haven 't taken any sort of trip with Kenny ( my brother ) and Shari , just the four of us , since before we all had kids , and so we had the best time talking nonstop , squeezing into a hotel room , walking downtown in search of good coffee , hitting Folly Beach on Saturday morning , and rounding out our trip with fresh seafood for lunch . Now that I read back over my last couple of posts , I see that May is more an entire Adoption Celebration month , and that 's a very sweet gift from the Lord . It was a long year , but He met us in it over and over again . I love spending this month traveling and celebrating His goodness together . I 'm working on a Summer Bookshelf post for you all , and am having fun doing it ! This has been a great reading year thus far ! Any interest in a children 's bookshelf post too ? I thought of compiling a list of our favorites .
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I got through a big stack of research books ( which have to go back to the library today ) , and did some work on the outline of the other new script . I 'm still doing research on it . I 've got about the first third outlined . Saturday was a big day of trauma , for the cats , anyway . I haven 't been able to land an appointment with the regular vet , and it 's time for the girls to get their rabies shots . The Rabies Clinic was in Sandwich , so I stuffed them in their carriers ( an ordeal in itself ) and off we went . Iris yowled non - stop , as usual . Tessa had fought so violently , I wasn 't sure what would happen when they tried to give her the shot . Tessa was SO relieved . I realized she thought she was being dumped , poor thing . I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to reassure her that wouldn 't happen , and she stuck close . Once a rescue , always some issues . I HAVE to get some yard work done today . The neighbors have been puttering around , and I 've been neglectful . I just have to stick to the schedule of doing even just a little bit on every reasonably nice day , and , eventually , it will all add up . I just don 't have the stamina to put in eight or ten hours at a time , nor do I want to give up that much writing time . I didn 't work on any contest entries over the weekend - I wanted to read only what I WANTED to read - so I have to get back on it today . I want to get the contest wrapped up sooner , rather than later . There 's a much larger gap between the strong contenders and the rest of the pack this year . It 's been interesting to see how the entries evolve . Some writers , who enter on consecutive years , have grown beautifully . Others spin in their same mire , no improvement , no attempt at learning craft . I 'm just past the half way point on the script . Looking forward to digging back into it . The short radio script is trying to go in a different direction - looks like the antagonist is not who I expected , which , if I can surprise the audience in the same way , is a good thing . And I 'm so relieved the one act is salvageable . I 'd written it and it got into a local reading series a few years ago , a place that was supposedly " safe space " for development . I wanted to take advantage of it . Of course , the other entrants were polished , sometimes produced scripts , honed over years , not early drafts , like mine was . That was fine ; we all learned from each other ( there were plenty of so - called " polished " drafts that needed a lot more work ) . What disillusioned me about that particular environment was that there was a REVIEWER there , and REVIEWS were printed in the newspaper . You don 't REVIEW works in development . That completely negates the point of having the development atmosphere safe space in which to experiment . I wasn 't attacked in the review or anything , but it pointed out that the script needed work , without giving any useful feedback . I already KNEW the script needed work ; that 's why I was there in the first place . When I set out my response to the organizer of the event , and my sense that the " safe space " we 'd been promised had been violated - she never spoke to me again . Not even to explain why she invited a reviewer . I understand why she wanted publicity ; but we should have been warned . Not blindsided . And , when unhappiness with the choice was brought up , an actual discussion ( even if the result wasn 't what I wanted ) was the correct response . So much for professionalism . Anyway , the experience left a sour taste in my mouth about the play . I put it away and never looked at it again until this weekend . I 'd planned to junk it . But , with the objectivity and with what I 've learned in the last few years about craft , I can see flaws , and , more importantly , I see ways to FIX them . Ways to make it better . It still might ( will ) need more work , especially once actors are involved , but I think I can fix the things that made it veer off course originally and the last third turn into a giant mess . That 's the plan , anyway . We 'll see if it works . This draft might not work , either . If it remains a mess , I won 't submit it . If I think there 's something worth working on , I will . If it 's used in the series ( at a different theatre ) and put on its feet , it gives me a chance to see what additional work it needs , or if I should put it on the compost heap permanently . I 'm going to write to another college friend ( with whom I reconnected last summer ) and see if he can help me untangle the problems I 'm having with the Lavinia Fontana play . He 's always been good at figuring out where I 'm focusing on the wrong thing , and get me pointed back in the right direction . I STILL haven 't found the dramatic catalyst yet , and pretty soon Research Time for this play is over and Writing Time has to start . I 'm also going to contact curators at the Met in New York ( my go - to for art questions , and see if they can point me in the right direction ) . April 's mid - month check - in is over on the GDR site . WordPress is refusing to add the link , which is irritating . It 's the midmonth post on http : / / goalsdreamsresolutions . wordpress . com ( you can cut & paste the link , sorry for the inconvenience ) . I should have had a poetry essay ready for A Biblio Paradise , but I don 't . I wanted to do something on Shakespeare 's sonnets and got all caught up ( as I always do ) , following this thread and that thread and the other thread , that the actual essay didn 't get done . The Adrienne Rich essay is still the latest one . Have some issues to discuss with my senators and reps today . I have an idea for a couple of bills I 'd like them to propose . Which means I have to write coherent proposals for them to propose . Never a dull moment . I resigned from the Board of the National Marine Life Center , which broke my heart , but was necessary . I can 't give them what they need right now , not without sending myself over the edge . They asked me to move to the Advisory Board , and I 've agreed to that . We went to the Glasgow Lowlands Scottish Festival in central MA last Saturday . It was so much fun ! Everyone was delightful , and we had a wonderful time , in spite of the heat . I was able to help a young man with his kilt emergency , thanks to still carrying safety pins . Of course , help one guy with his kilt , and suddenly they all want a hand ! But it was all in good fun . Caber toss always cracks me up . I got some great ideas I can incorporate to stories , though . It was a delightful day . Comments Off on Thurs . July 21 , 2016 : So Much To Do ! Tags : book , Glasgow Lowlands Scottish Festival , INITIATE , National Marine Life Center , scripts , stories , writing I got some sad news : Amber Quill , with whom I have half a dozen titles , is shutting its doors on March 30 . LAKE JUSTICE , SEVERANCE , ELUSIVE PRAYERS , and TRACKING MEDUSA will cease to be available from them at that time . I wish I 'd found out directly from THEM instead of through a second party , but , other than that , I 've always been treated well by them . I loved my editor ; they paid on time ; they gave me good covers . They believed in their authors . I will miss being a part of the company . I 'm meeting with my advisors to decide what to do . There are still two months until the doors close , two months until rights revert back . Once rights revert back , unless I 'm going the indie route , it doesn 't make sense to just shoot the titles straight out again . While it makes me nervous to have anything go out of print , at the same time , I need time to launch a re - release properly , wherever and however I decide to do it . I expect they will be out of print until at least September . If I go independent , I 'm going to have to marshal massive marketing resources to make it worthwhile . Right now , that much marketing emphasis isn 't going to fit my schedule . I 'm not convinced the independent route is the right choice for me . I prefer to work in a more traditional model right now . I do love Gwen and Justin , and I want to see their stories to completion , but a break may not be a bad thing . As I kept saying last year , struggling with BALTHAZAAR , I can do it fast or I can do it well . Both aren 't happening in tandem right now . The focus will be more on writing , polishing , and submitting this year , building on the previous writing , but taking me in new directions that I 've been interested in for the past few months . That 's a positive . It moves up the timeline for me , but it 's a positive . It takes a lot of the " write as fast as possible " pressure off me - something that 's bogged me down over the past couple of years and actually interfered with my productivity , instead of increasing it . I 'll have a long day at work today , but , since I 'm feeling run down , I pulled out of my commitments for this weekend . I have some work to do for Monday 's NMLC Board meeting , and I 'm going to write . I want to finish the first draft of the short radio play that goes out at the end of the month , and I 've been approached to adapt the historical play into a radio play . I 'll take a look at that to see if it makes sense . I use a good deal of sound in the play anyway , and I think if I make some changes to make it more aural than visual , it will work . I also need to get LIGHT BEHIND THE EYES into US radio format from BBC format , because I have a US market interested . I remain hugely grateful to Amber Quill for their support , belief in me , and everything they 've done for me and for my writing over the years I spent with them . I wish all the partners well in their new ventures , and I hope we can all stay in touch and support each other 's work . Thank you , Amber Quill ! So , even though I 've done exactly what I said I would , and we have a so - called " mediator " , Comcast fucked me again . They can go to hell . It 's about time that the people who are supposed to be consumer advocates and who are supposed to keep these corporations in line with the law and regulations actually do their jobs , instead of being in Comcast 's pocket and sitting around with their thumbs up their asses . Yesterday , I was really sick . I was up a good part of the night with a nasty stomach virus . I was so weak for the rest of the day that , most of the time , I couldn 't even sit up . I cancelled just about everything I could . There was one contract I had to go over to Osterville to sign . My mom had to drive me , because I was too sick to drive . I couldn 't eat at all - although I managed to hydrate . I had to cut short a Skype rehearsal with the actor overseas . Most of the time , I was lying down , either on the floor or in bed . I hope I don 't feel anywhere near that bad again anytime soon . I 'm a little better today - I can sit up . I ate a little . I 'm catching up on the work I couldn 't do yesterday . I can 't be online much because Comcast fucked me , but that 's life . I 'm doing the polish for the scripts , and then I 'll head to the library to hook up to the internet and do what I need to do . I hope the rain ends soon , so that I can take the garbage to the dump . The bins are full , the recycling needs to go , and I have a lot of yard waste to add to the pile that becomes loam . Worked on the short turnaround script yesterday , wrote two reviews , sent them to my editor , invoiced . Worked on client projects . Pitched for a couple of quick turnaround projects - since my schedule is changing , if these clients don 't book in the next couple of weeks , it 's not going to happen . Had a question on the short turnaround script on a passing reference that didn 't quite make sense . Glad I asked , because the information was needed to set up a major plot point . So that will be integrated into the next set of revisions . Headed to the Marine Life Center . Had to get the room re - set for rehearsal . We got the computer / Power point prop set up . I realized I have to edit down the slides from the real presentation to the five or six we need for the show . Rehearsal went well , although we didn 't get in all the tech we 'd hoped , and the person who was supposed to start as the SM flaked out , and is now on my list of those to never deal with again . It is not acceptable to string me along for a week , not communicate , and then flake out . I don 't what the excuse is . You are not someone I want to deal with . So I 'm still looking for a stage manager . But the actors are doing really well ! 😉 Looks like the good news will be ready to share by the end of the week . It means I have to pull out of a different gig that was supposed to start next Monday , too . I will go in person to withdraw - they were kind enough to take a chance on me . Today will be flat out busy , and I 'll be working well into the night . I have to miss Volunteer Appreciation Day at the Marine Life Center in order to meet my deadlines . I better get to work ! The script took up most of the day . I 'm into the final act now , and this one 's been humming along nicely . There is a character that wants to enter , but I want him to have more of a purpose than he 's currently demonstrating . I might let him in , with the caveat that if he becomes too much of a deus ex machina , he gets cut . Today is the 50th anniversary of JFK 's assassination . I was too little to remember it - - although I remember Robert Kennedy 's assassination clearly . Day of mourning . Started the coursework for the creativity class , which was disappointing . It feels like it 's geared to eight year olds . Which is fine , but I 'm not eight and I 'm not trying to " find " my creativity . I want fresh challenges in it . Frustrating . I 'm stressed out and trying to juggle a lot of things , while also riding a creative wave , and trying to find ways to replace the hole the contract I didn 't get left . I really need some breathing room , a couple of weeks where I don 't have to WORRY about anything and just keep my head down and work . That 's just not going to happen for the next few months . Everyone 's all in a tizzy about the new royal baby born in the UK . I bet the mother is glad to be out of labor ! All the fussing , for goodness ' sake ! Worked yesterday , with students and on pitches and with one of my editors and on admin stuff . We had a power outage for a stretch of afternoon , which threw a monkey wrench into the works . I did , however , get my final week 's coursework done for Archaeology and did well on the quiz . That class truly lit a flame of inspiration in me ( not to mention how it gave me much needed information for the revisions of BLOOD AND BONE and the next Gwen / Justin books ) . A great deal of that is because the professor , Sue Alcock , is so inspiring . She loves what she does , she 's funny , smart , and knows how to communicate ideas in a way that makes you want to go out and discover more on your own . Truly a gifted teacher . I was getting ready to settle back in for some work when I got a message from a local reporter , and spent the next hour being interviewed . It was fun ; I liked the individual . It had to do with my work at the National Marine Life Center , so , hopefully , there 's more focus on Townsend than on me ! Because it 's about the work , not about me . I 'm re - reading Helene Hanff 's UNDERFOOT IN SHOW BUSINESS , about how she tried to make it in theatre just after the depression . It 's given me an idea - I 've got some of the characters and the situation and the time frame . I have to choose the form - do I see this as a script ? As prose ? I 'm not sure yet . I 've got work to do today for the upcoming conference , the ball , and tonight 's Beautification meeting . Big projects for all three organizations happen the first weeks of August . It 's a little overwhelming , and I have to make sure I don 't put myself in this situation again next year . I need to polish some script coverage samples today and get them out , too . I want to do more of that type of work - I enjoy it . One of my editors sent off the materials for my next assignment yesterday - it should arrive tomorrow , and I can get going on it . Tired . I 've got a bunch of paperwork to fill out , get notarized , and file today , and may have to head into the city first thing on Monday to take care of some other business . It will all be worth it by the end of the year . Not happy at the latest twist , I 'm risking a chunk of my future by doing something that needs to be done in order to make the move happen on time , but it feels like the right thing to do and I 'm going to trust it will work out . I can 't hesitate or things will go off schedule . On a happier note , an agent asked for a full manuscript on one of my projects , so that 's a good thing . We 'll see . I got it out as soon as it was requested , got a lovely acknowledgement , so it is what it is . Either it 's what they like , or it 's not . I have too many things to worry about to obsess over it . Got some stuff done yesterday morning , and treated myself to a chocolate croissant from the French bakery . Spent the afternoon at my friend 's , doing the laundry and talking through this , that , and the other scenario for the move . Finished the material for Confidential Job # 1 , sent if off , sent off the invoice . That always feels good . I 've also got to work on some short scripts this weekend , and polish the lectures for next week 's deconstruction workshop . i need to get in some more cat food and cat litter , to see the little darlings through when I 'm gone next week , and finish packing . Yeah , I don 't leave until Thursday , but I pack early . This time last year , I was in Prague ! Great writing session this morning - about 1800 words . I 'm glad that I 'm sticking to the morning sessions , even on the tough days . Even on days when I wind up only doing little bits , it 's slowly adding up to a whole , and I 'm not losing the rhythm of the piece by putting it aside and working piecemeal . Hex Breaker by Devon Ellington . A Jain Lazarus Adventure . Hex Breaker Jain Lazarus joins the crew of a cursed film , teaming with tough , practical Detective Wyatt East on an adventure fighting zombies , ceremonial magicians , the town wife - beater , the messenger of the gods , and their own pasts . " The Possession of Nattie Filmore : A Jain Lazarus Adventure " by Devon Ellington . If you loved HEX BREAKER , you 'll love spending time with Jain and Wyatt as they try to solve a haunted house mystery . Read an excerpt of the story here . " First Feet " by Devon Ellington . Jain , Wyatt , and Billy are in far - flung locations on a snowy New Year 's Eve when they are visited by a mysterious " first footer . " . Read an excerpt here Full Circle : An Ars Concordia Anthology . Edited by Colin Galbraith . My story is " Pauvre Bob " , set at Arlington Race Track in Illinois is included in this wonderful collection of short stories and poetry . You can download it free here .
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I had the pleasure recently of having to figure out how to get SmartCard ( CaC ) authentication up and running on our Red Hat workstations . The workstations are mostly STIG 'd already , but now they required us to get CaC authentication up and runnning . I was happy really to do this as it removes the rediculous additional password that I have to remember and also do not have to try and keep 20 passwd / shadow / group files in sync . Friday Linux is something I started doing at work for people to get used to the shell environment . I started writing these on our wiki at work , but decided to move them to the web since they are general enough . I will post up the other ones I have done later , but for now , here is today 's Friday Linux It 's going to happen to you eventually . You are going to lose information saved on your computer . I 'm guessing you have all of your data saved in a single spot . If you don 't good for you your one step ahead , but you can do more and it isn 't hard to do . Our last day of our Honeymoon . We have already seen pretty much everything that we had hoped to see . With no real plan we set out to find a good breakfast place . A quick search on Google Maps and we were on our way to Café Amandine which was just a bit of a walk + tram away . Mel and I wake up and head to the nearest metro where we transfer over to the main rail station . Train leaves at 8 : 40am and we are there at about 7 : 30am . Always early we are . Grab some snacks from the convenience store and sit at a coffee shop for a while until the platform for our train is announced . Says J2 on the monitor . Alright , lets go … where ? A few times up and down the station until we finally figure out how it works . Then hustle down the hallway and up the stairs and there is our train . I really like trains . Place of temporary residence switch day . Mel and I enjoyed our last breakfast at the Alchymist and then they hailed a taxi for us to our new place across the river . The ride was quite short actually . Seems like everything in Prague is much closer than it looks on the map . We arrived at the address which was 445 / 1 some - road - that - starts - with - a - V . Mel calls the person to let us in as we are at the door . Apparently there are two doors which we are at the wrong one but neither of us know that until 15 - 20 minutes of really awkward standing around with large suitcases passes by . Finally figure it out and get let into our apartment that we rented from airbnb . com . With nothing on the agenda besides Mel 's facial massage in the morning I headed out to see if I could find a memory card reader so I could upload some pictures off of the camera . I walked about 1 / 2 hour but my fear of social interaction kept me from actually going into any stores to see if they had what I needed . Off to Starbucks I went to write Day 3 and 4 's posts . I realized today that I missed a portion of Day 4 's pictures so here they are for your viewing pleasure : Our day starts out with breakfast in the common room area . Pretty awesome as there is fresh fruit , coffee , cheeses and they will make you anything off of the menu as well . For free . Well , part of the room price I guess . The journey back begins at 11am . We expect the journey to be much easier than my quasi - adventure on the way to Cesky Krumlov . Just have to get up the hill and then back down to the bus station . It has snowed about " 30 feet " of what Maryland would consider it . It is actually only about 1 . 5 ″ of snow so not too much . Still a trek with a big suitcase … or we pay $ 5 for a taxi . Not a very tough decision . Taxi time . After a very delightful sleep we are off to breakfast . I really mean delightful . Apparently snoring so loud as to wake the ghosts in the nearby castle within seconds of my head hitting the pillow . It was good . Mel and I head down to find a place to hang out and eat some morning nom 's . The creperie is where we land ourselves . Here is a picture . I 've taken a picture of everything we have eaten and drank so far . The problem is that the pictures are spread between my phone and my camera . Some pictures you will have to wait for patiently . I decided to try and adjust my schedule before I left so that I was waking up earlier and earlier until I was on Czech time or at least close to it . So the 4 a . m . days began and the extremely early to workdays with them . So far this does not seem to have helped . I didn 't think about how the initial 36 hour trip would pretty much erase any attempt that I made at trying to adjust my sleep schedule before I left . Hence the 3 a . m . blogging session . Anyways to the good stuff . Here are the notes of the trip to meet my beloved wife . In my quest to find a cheap awesome hosting provider , my friend William ( He has a blog he never posts too , what a lameo ) and I were talking over the Gchats and he happen to mention DigitalOcean . So I popped open a new tab and first thing I see is $ 5 / mo for a VPS ! I was pretty much sold at that point . I don 't know how they are doing it so cheap , but here you are reading this post from my site which has been transitioned onto a Digital Ocean VPS . Everybody is going to make mistakes . I would even venture out there and say , don 't worry about them … well I almost would say that . Mistakes are probably the best way to learn in my opinion . Nobody is perfect . It is no question that I hate meetings . Not just hate , but really hate . Really what I hate is wasting time at work while somebody talks about something I really could care less about . The last post was just a short introduction to using Python aimed at Bioinfomaticians . In this post we are going to cover one of the most useful topics dealing with any text processing . Perl 's the " goto " scripting language for this , but frankly , I hate Perl because of its very unreadable syntax . Python supports all of the nifty features of extended regular expressions too so lets give it a go . When Mel and I first moved to the D . C . Metro area we were convinced that it would be just fine using mass transit . The WMATA is supposed to be the 2nd largest mass transit authority in the U . S . so we assumed that taking the bus would be fine since many people must also take the bus / metro which should make it more viable ( more people = = more buses ) . Things have been going full blast here since we arrived in late April / early May . New jobs , new apartment , new area to live in and wedding planning are the top things that have been the main highlights since we moved . Just those things alone have kept us pretty busy lately . After our trip in Luang Prabang we were slated to head to Sapa . Mel and I have never been to Hanoi so were not sure if the plan I had made to hop off the airplane and get a taxi directly to the train station to catch our train would work or not . The plane was supposed to arrive around 6 : 10pm and the train was to leave at 9pm ish . I suspected that to be plenty of time . Finally am getting around to writing this a week after we arrived back in Bangkok from our trip . Only scammed one time on the way to Siem Reap . Feel alright about that , but really was shooting for not getting scammed at all . Many pictures were taken . It was hot . It is hard to climb up all the temples when it is hot . Just joking about the title of the post . Mel and I headed to Phenom Penh , Cambodia this past weekend for the Big Phat Phnom Penh Hat tournament ( Ultimate Frisbee ) . We decided to stay a few extra days as well after the tournament so were set to fly back on Wednesday . This turned out to be super nice since Monday was a rest day for sure after the tournament . Finally receiving payment from the University , Mel and I decided to head off on an adventure . We looked up airline tickets and decided since we may be able to use the tickets we bought to Krabi for May that we would head there . Many people suggested going to Railay Beach so off we went . WPA . WEP . 802 . 11 . Encrypted . Pass - phrase . Uhhgg ! ! What do all these options mean ? I just want to sit in my chair with my laptop and have it connect to my home wireless and know that it is setup securely . Recently I have been using GIT so much that I 've been considering upgrading my Github account . The problem is , I don 't want to pay $ 7 a month for another service . Yes , yes I know Github is very super awesome and I should probably just pay for the service , BUT … why when you can make something similar using free services . Songkran pretty much wraps up 1 year for Mel and I in Thailand . Last year we visited Kanchanaburi for Songkran . This year we headed up to Chiang Mai , Thailand 's 2nd largest city and quite possibly the largest of Celebrations for the New Year ( Buddhist ) . Everybody has specific needs and at the University that I work for we needed to provide a way for both * nix + Windows machines to authenticate to storage and share the same uid / gid for files . If you do the typical Samba + AD setup you will end up having winbind mapping SID 's to UID 's using some " dumb " mapping techniqe which works well if you are only using windows clients . If you have * nix clients then things get messy because you may have UID overlap beween AD and Local / LDAP , files created by an AD user and then they try to access them from a * nix machine and the UID / GID doesn 't match so they cannot get to or modify their files … . A lot of times I think we become overwhelmed with things that we could do in this adventureful land . Mel and I like to plan our adventures in advance to help avoid any problems with our trips . I guess we aren 't very spontaneous when it comes to weekend trips . Mix that with our love of being simple and taking it easy and you get mostly weekends spent in the City . Last week Mel had to travel up to Kamphaeng Pet to do some training for where she worked . I was stuck alone in Bangkok Monday , Tuesday and Thursday all alone . On Thursday after I finished teaching my class I started an adventure to travel up there as well . Mel 's transportation up there had been prearranged through her work so we didn 't have any info other than I needed to take a bus to get up there . Well I 'm back to Thailand and very jet legged apparently . I keep waking up at like 4am and get super tired around 7 . Anyways I thought I would write a little about my month long trip back to America . Well I 've made it back to Montanimerica safely . Just in time for the protests in Bangkok to go wild . Somehow I had this weird feeling that as soon as I left things would get more interesting over there . I think it is good to note though that I don 't feel completely worried about leaving Mel there though , as our apartment is far enough away that she is safe . I do worry about how she is stuck alone in the apartment all the time though and I get to venture out and do fun stuff , but I 'll be back soon enough . First of all Mel and I have just passed the one month mark of being in Thailand . Yay for that . Its been the most ridiculous month with trying to accustom ourselves to everything here . So basically a few years back there were protests done by people wearing yellow shirts that were backing a certain political leader . I believe that these people were from the middle class of Thailand . They eventually took over the airports and eventually the Prime Minister resigned and left the country and the guy they wanted in place was " elected " . Living in Thailand has made me appreciate a few things about living in the US . Simple things like just being able to flush toilet paper , drinking straight from the faucet and Walmart ( finding towels shouldn 't take an hour in a store really . I also miss the " I 'm going to get skittles but really I 'm going to return with 10 bags of random stuff that I didn 't know I could live without until going into Wal - mart " aspect of Wal - mart ) . Really though outside of that , its not that big of a difference ( aside from the language barrier ) . Well we finally found ourselves a place to stay for the next year . We have actually been living there since Sunday , just haven 't had internet to post anything about it until today . We hope to get internet setup at the apartment sometime soon . The guys from where Mel works have a basketball team that plays at the US Embassy twice a week . On Tuesday we went to watch them play and they invited me to play on Friday ( today ) so I took them up on their offer . Its an outdoor court with 9 ′ rims which was super fun . We finally made it out of the room at around noon today to go for a bit of tourism and exploration . We decided that we wanted to go up North a bit and see the Wat Arun temple . This entailed walking about half a mile to the skytrain and then riding that down to the Sathorn pier . We then caught the express boat up to Tha Tian piere where we had to catch a ferry across to see the Wat Arun temple which was pretty impressive . The steps were super steep , but it was well worth it . After we were done and ferried back across the river we walked down the nearby main road where there were a bunch of merchants . There was an outside food place where we picked out what we wanted to eat . Pointing at the things that we wanted we selected some sort of cabbage soup , chicken and fish that came with rice . This all cost us a whopping 200 baht ( ~ $ 3 . 50 ) . The food that we got wasn 't spicy , as we avoided the bamboo chicken as suggested by some French girls . The food was pretty amazing . After all of this we headed back to the pier and caught the express boat back to Sathorn pier and walked around down there until we met the Lilly , somebody from AFRIMS that Mel will be working with . She drove us down to an apartment that she has for rent and we got to look around that . The apartment and complex is very nice . The view is unbelievable . It is a studio with a small deck looking over the river . On the top of the apartment complex is a garden that is super peaceful with an amazing 360 degree view of the city . Well here we are at the Lub D Hostel in Bangkok . We arrived at around midnight ICT which is fourteen hours ahead of MST . Security at the airports was easy as well as making our way through customs once we got here . The flights consisted of one eight and a half hour flight from Honolulu to Nirita , Japan with an hour and a half layover . Then we had a seven hour flight from Nirita to Suvarnabhumi airport outside of Bangkok . I don 't think it took us more than 20 minutes to walk off of our airplane through customs and to our taxi . Looks like Mel and I will finally venture across that large body of blue H20 in March . Mel is defending on the 4th of March which is only a week away ! Its hard to believe , but we will be leaving in just under 3 weeks for Thailand . I just received my VISA back from the Thai embassy . Our friend Trevor introduced this game to us a while back and we started playing again this weekend . It 's super simple and lots of fun . There are instructions on Wikipedia , however , they don 't seem as much fun as these . I often run into this issue with people who don 't fully understand the correlation between File Types and File Extensions . Most people just assume that because a file has the extension . doc on the end that that means it is a Word Document file . While this is sort to of true , it is not entirely true . Here is a description of the difference . It has been a yearly thing for me to visit either the corn maze in Townsend or the hay maze in Bozeman . I was sad this year when I found out that neither of which were open . The guy who does the hay maze apparently didn 't have enough time this year and I 'm not exactly sure about the corn maze in Townsend . I 'm assuming a bad harvest year or something with all the weird weather . Ubuntu packages MySQL with yassl support instead of OpenSSL . These two implementations are incompatible . Recently we found this out at work as Red Hat and OpenSUSE both bundle MySQL with OpenSSL . One of our MySQL servers is running on Red Hat and we were unable to connect using the Ubuntu binary MySQL client . This of course also breaks things like the php - mysql , python - mysql and ruby - mysql libraries as they are compiled against the MySQL client on the distribution . I decided to start a more professional portion of my website where I can list projects that I work on at home and at work as a portfolio of sorts . I 'm using Joomla to run this portion of the site as apposed to WordPress like this blog is run on . This was started when somebody asked me if I knew anything about Joomla , which I did not at the time . Our lease was until the 31st of August and as a courtesy thing Nate and I said we would move out before the 27th which was apparently too pressing on our Landlord as he kept pushing us more and more to move out even earlier . Legally , of course , he is not able to do this , but we were planning on being out anyways so whatever . The real pain was him constantly poking us about getting out . I started cleaning last Tuesday night and it took like 2 . 5 hours to just clean my room . I decided that I was going to take Wednesday off of work to clean the rest of the apartment only to find out that our landlord had his " cleaner " ladies in there already cleaning the place . This angered me a bit as I was fully planning on cleaning the apartment myself so we wouldn 't have to pay anything but the carpet cleaner . The good thing was that not much was happening at work the whole week until Thursday of course . I came in at 6am for our Thursday morning maintenance . Everything that we did in the morning went really well . We were suppose to leave for Glendive at noon , but of course all hell broke loose at work and our file server / backup server died out of nowhere . This was pretty exciting trying to get it back up quickly so I could get out of town . I managed to patch it together and left work around 1 : 30 . We unpacked my car ( stuff from the apartment ) and packed it in a record 30 minutes . Then decided to head downtown to Paulie 's Hot Dogs for lunch before we headed out . There is a Natural Dog store next to Paulie 's that we hit up as well and got some dog treats and a toy for Wilbur . The ride home was pretty nice and Mel and I had a wonderful time there . Friday we went for a bike ride around Glendive , out to Makoshika park , out on a frontage road and then back . There was a 15 % hill in Makoshika that was steep enough to get both Mel and I off our bikes . I blame our health issues at the time really , as it was a tough hill , but not tough enough to beat both of us ! Mel really liked Makoshika so I took her up there in the car later and we went on a few short hikes ( pictures will follow as soon as I finish moving and get a second to get them off my camera ) Then we all headed to Beaver Creek Brewery in Wibaux . The brewery didn 't open until 4 and we got to Wibaux at 3 : 30 so we headed to the Wibaux county fair which happened to be going on . I think we were early for that too as there wasn 't anything going on so we walked around the exhibits and then left . Later Mel and I found out that my Mom and Dad bought us a present . There was a boot that did wooden carvings and they bought one that had both of our names on it . We plan on staining it soon and will post before and after pictures . After the fair we made our way to the brewery , which was super fun as always . We all had a good chat and then headed back to Glendive for dinner at home . Mom made huge , no really , huge steaks and we stuffed ourselves . Mel was tasked with making 2 cheesecakes for various events this week . Last night was dubbed " Cheesecake Night . " I brought over my little food processor to aid in the process and it was pretty sweet . I 'm sure that most of you have noticed that I have been doing a lot of cycling this summer . My season started at the end of May with the Cow Country Classic 50 mile road race . Racing really wasn 't something that I had planned on doing this season , but instead something I kind of just jumped into head first . Essentially I went from a casual road rider on my off time to strengthen my knee so that I could play frisbee without terrible pains . Well after randomly meeting Mel at Trivia one night and finding out that she was a cyclist I ended up going out for a Gallitan Valley Club ride . This of course lead to more rides . Mel talked about how much she absolutely loved her ride in Belt ( hahaha ) and when she was talking about the Cow Country Classic I got this weird inclination to try a race . This past weekend Bozeman hosted the Tour ' de ' Bozeman . com which was super fun . Saturday involved a Time Trial in the morning followed by the Main street sprints later at night . Sunday hosted the Road Race and the final awards . Mel and I volunteered on both days and also raced on both days in one event each . This summer has been going by so fast . Regardless of the not so awesome weather until lately , I have been super busy with Biking and Frisbee . The weekly schedule is usually something along these lines This past weekend we took a backpacking trip over the Crazy Mountains . It was a 4 day 23 mile hike straight over the Crazy Mountains which are located just north of Livingston / Big Timber . If I had to pick a single word to describe the trip I would defiantly have to pick , " Crazy " , no probably " Epic . " So I feel it necessary to share a few things that could possibly save you a lot of time . Just from experience I have noticed a lot of family and friends that do things that I know I can be done easier and better by just doing them in a different application . It 's not that I 'm more elite or whatever than them , it 's just that I work with technology all day long and through colleagues of mine I have learned how to do things easier and better . So here it is , a short list of a few things that can revolutionize the way that you do things . Well today at about 1 : 40pm my new Blackberry Storm arrived . I had to go to a meeting at 2pm but managed to go home grab the package and go to the meeting so I could have it for the afternoon . The phone does have a good look to it and is actually not as big as I had assumed it to be . Here are some pictures for comparison . Well I finally broke down and bought a new phone to replace my current one which has a wonderful cracked screen . I wanted to try out a fancy phone for a change that can do all sorts of fun stuff like browse the internet and utilize Google 's Mobile Apps . I struggled to decide between a Curve and a Storm . The Curve looks really nice and is a good size . It has most of the features I wanted , however , it didn 't have GPS available for google apps , which is what I really wanted . The Storm is a touch screen based phone that is suppose to compete with the IPhone , but really doesn 't quite match up . The touch screen 's click feature apparently is hard to get used to at first and people said the software was slow and buggy . They did also say that it was a great phone and that you get used to the touch screen interface and most of the reviews about the slow software were like a year old and new software updates have probably fixed most of those issues by now . I feel it necessary to rant a bit on the current status of Facebook . There once was a day that I could easily go to the site and find whatever I wanted . For instance , I wanted to go to Facebook and find the groups I was in . That was easy back in the day . Now , I have to spend 5 minutes just to find the list of all my groups . With all the recent studies done on Artificial Sweetners like Splenda and Aspartame , as well as the similar studies done on High Fructose Corn Syrup I am going to try and stop consuming them for about three months just to see what happens . Apparently they mess with your bodies " stop eating " mechanism and I think the studies are right . The midnight - 2am food cravings as well as just the general ones only a little while after eating are driving me crazy . So there is this job titled " Best job in the world . " My old roommate decided to give it a go and put in his application . You can show support by joining the group on facebook or simply going here and voting for his video application . Well we made it there and back . Bad weather was the last thing on my mind when going there , but it was terrible . Windy , 40 some degrees on Friday . Nate and I missed the first game due a mishap with the bus system , but arrived and played the next 2 games . We went 1 - 2 that day . «« Read more »» Recently at work we tried to deploy Laconi . ca which is a microblogging platform . We wanted to do this for 2 reasons . The first being the obvious , which is to be able to have a campus wide microblogging platform . The second , and what I think is the coolest , is that we wanted to use it to post our nagios alerts for our systems . Each monitored server will post its alerts to its own account on Laconi . ca and admins can subscribe themselves to whichever servers they see fit . I 'm going to spare you the typical ranting about snow , ice , and the horrid cold this time . What I really want to talk about is all the sweet things going on at work . Starting about six months ago I started doing System Administration work for Academic computing . This was only suppose to be about 50 % of my time . Well that has changed quite a bit and I see myself really working about 75 - 80 % SysAdmin and the rest managing the labs on campus . It was a innocent Thursday night around 8 : 00 . It was frisbee time and I was running late , but not too late as Ultimate players are always at least 20 minutes behind . It decided to finally snow a bit and things were a bit slick . This of course should have been warning number 1 . Instead I left the house carrying my bike down our stairs when the friction force of my shoe sole was overcome by the forward force . This of course caused a problem as no longer was I walking down the stairs holding my bike but now I was doing a wonderful horizontal motion with the bike landing on top of me . I took a sled ride down a few stairs on my bum before my bike tire wedged in the stairs and stopped me . That was good enough to get the adrenaline going . For a change a Friday afternoon has been really slow and dull . Usually I 'm pounding away at config files , services or some bash script - fu . Today , not so much . It started off with lots of energy for no apparent reason which was met with a sudden falloff that has not recovered to normalcy yet . So I sit here writing this post about nothing really . Just something to entertain myself . So basically I was wowed by how small this things really are . I recently purchased a MicroSD from Woot . com for like $ 15 . Pretty good deal for a 4Gb card . So it has become quite apparent that Xen is to be replaced by KVM in the virtulization world . This comes from the latest Ubuntu / Fedora news of them adopting KVM . This of course can leave some stranded Xen users out there trying to get their VM 's ported to kvm . So its been awhile since I 've really been hooked on a 360 game besides any of the arcade games like Geometry Wars . About three months ago Jade and I were having lunch when one of the other guys that at the time worked in the ITC store joined us and started raving about this game he tried called Mass Effect . Well he made it sound really awesome and it sparked my interest a bit at the time , but really didn 't have the time then to start a new game . Recently I borrowed the game from a friend and let me tell you it is exactly as awesome as he described it . So I played Ultimate tonight for the first time in like 5 weeks without my splint . It went very well and didn 't hurt at all . Also , I was out on my bike for the first time in 5 weeks as well . I can 't even begin to explain how awesome it is to be able to go do those things again . Looking forward to getting out on the bike again . So I finally got around to getting google analytics setup on my site and let me tell you if you don 't have it on your site you really need to do so . The statistics it gathers are pretty cool . Where people are coming from , which pages they view , what percentage of people go directly to your site and then leave without going to other pages are just a few of the things you will have access to . Don 't forget as most things from our new Overloards , its free . We concluded brew tour ' 08 this last weekend . It most certainly was our most eventful weekend that is for sure . Starting Thursday with Scott 's car breaking down outside of Livingston our adventure had only just began . Scott was driving to Billings by himself and was going to meet up with Sean and the rest of us on Friday at Yellowstone Brewering . Well instead his car broke down and he stayed the night in Bozeman at my Apartment and then Sean picked us both up in the afternoon and we headed to Billings . We arrived and parked at Carter Brewing and walked to Yellowstone where we met the rest of the Billings tour . From there we walked to Carter and then moved our bags from Sean 's car to Pete 's . The next morning we headed to Red Lodge , where we met some new friends from Texas at the brewery . They were nice and were excited about the whole brewery tour that we were on . They suggested that we create a website about our tour which we now have ( www . lastbestbrews . com ) . From Red Lodge we headed back to Billings to Angry Hanks , which had some spectacular hot sauce popcorn . We then visited Montana Brew Pub where we ate and concluded the tour . The next day we headed over to Carter Brewing to find that Sean 's car was missing . For the next hour we called towing companies to locate his car . During this time we took a pit stop at a gas station where Sean had the oportunity to fish his Blackberry phone out of the whit porceline throne . Finally finding it at Billings Center Towing or something , Sean made a wonderful donation to their cause to allow him to drive his car again . We made it to Bozeman where Sean , Scott and I finalized the website plans and then Sean went on his way back to Missoula , well kinda . Scott recieved a text message from Sean ( the toilet broke the whole talking part on his phone , but not the texting ) that stated his car was now stranded on the side of the Interstate near Annaconda as it had broke down . I 'm feeling pericularily good about our military right now . I 've often wondered why I feel so inclined to fight for them in the past but I feel like I have finally found the reason . I know its weird , but watching Transformers again I realized that their relentless fight against whatever they are told to do whether good or bad they will do it . They fight for our freedom regardless of the situation and always have . The courage and honor they portray is always inspiring and I give my full support to any soldier of our freedom . Well I went up there to have the hand specialist look over my x - rays and give me the final word . It seems the bone has indeed slipped a bit but he says it is not surgery worthy . I will most likely have a bump on the back of my hand where it broke and that knuckle will be a bit smaller than the same one on the other hand but that won 't matter . I get to get rid of this stupid splint next week and can downgrade to taping that finger to another one . The bone should take about 3 months to heal completely . Well the follow - up x - rays confirmed it . My left leg is hollow and that is where all the food goes to allow me to eat so much . I 'm so funny , but seriously , I had my hand x - rayed again and the doctor was not 100 % convinced that the bone is in the right place so he is having me go see the hand specialist at Bridger Orhipedic . Nothing like trying to save money and instead spending it all on doctor visits . At least I 'll reach my deductable early this year . William and I both needed some stuff at Walmart so we decided to try out the bus system . Well the plan was to catch the bus at 4 : 31pm and the bus showed up at like 4 : 50 . Anyways I kinda forgot the stuff that I was going to write about that somebody might care about , so … . It was not until recently that somebody said that I should research what my name means . I 've had plenty of people ask , but I never knew . Well here are some answers . Well I headed back to Glendive this last weekend for my Mom 's birthday . It was really fun and I watched my Dad move a garage which was pretty crazy . During the weekend we had a weiner dog reunion with Wilbur and Pretzel 's Brother , Sister and Mom . The pups are all 10 and the mom is 13 which is pretty impressive for a weinier dog . Here is a slide show of the reunion . First of all if you havn 't been on the site yet this is my personal blog / website . It has pictures and articles of different things that I do . I keep it pretty well up to date and post at least once a week on here so if your ever wondering what I 'm up to you can always check here What can I say ? Anybody who hasn 't met him is missing an incredible person and great friend . Anybody that has meet him already knows why he is going to be missed so much . Tyler and I were talking today in the office about random stuff ( The usual interesting ridiculous talk in the office ) and he was talking about somebody 's baby and how they thought it was very similar to a robot . Its very similar in the way that it reports system errors . A baby will cry until its current error state has been fixed . Whether that error is needing a diaper change , food , scared or any other similar problem . My reply was of course that it would be very cool if the baby simply had a small LCD screen attached to it that would give you the current state and what the error was for ease of fixing the problem . This then lead to our discussion of a t - shirt version that would just have scrolling text that would alert near by people of the error as well and what needed to be done to alleviate the problem . Now that I 've written this down , I think just having the lcd embedded in the head of the baby would probably suffice though . Well I made it all the way to the reservoir yesterday . It was a pretty sweet ride and only took about an hour and 10 minutes to go from my house to the top . The ride down was pretty sweet , although very windy . Most of the time I just shrug things off and say thats a crazy coincidence , however , when it comes to weather and frisbee its pretty amazing how things go . The practice schedule for playing is MWF and Sundays . Now on Tuesdays we also play for the Summer League which only leaves Thursday and Saturday without frisbee . It has pretty much been crappy out and rained every day of the week this week which ruins practice and any hopes of a bike ride . Now what I find interesting is how the chunks of nice weather have come around but only from say 8am - 4pm and from about noon - 9pm Thursday . I remember during intramurals how the weather would be fine all day until about half an hour before the games started and then would get super windy and cold and then on the days there were no games it would be nice out . Shouldn 't it be warmer now then ever before ? I 'm pretty impressed with how warm its been here now its June and we are just barely breaking into the 60 degree range . All this rain is really making me happy and excited to wake up every day . I don 't know what I would do if we had a spree of like 3 days where it was in the 70 's and sunny with NO WIND ! Well I went to frisbee practice last night and I could semi - jog just to the point that the toe started hurting which means its getting close . Maybe another week or so and it will be set . The knee is really undecided as I cannot run with my toe the way it is yet . Well I got curious again and tried it out again tonight . I really don 't think that I 'm going to be able to play for a long time . The whole time I played it just felt like a burden and I wanted to just quit but of course we had to make a 43 jump move which was no fun at all . Right now it is deceiving outside . There are blue skies with some clouds and it looks like it is really nice out but actually it is very windy and a tad cold . Hopefully tomorrow it will be nice enough for an outside ride and I 'll try to convince William to pedal as well . We decided to kick off the summer with a game night hosted in the labs this Saturday . Starting around 6pm 8 of us started playing Diablo II . It was just a bunch of ridiculousness . Everything went very smooth . We had a movie playing on the projector the whole time we were playing , although we really didn 't watch much of the movies that played they were mostly background noise as we hammered our ways through Baal 's minions . We all topped off at about lvl 30 - 33 with various characters . We will definatly do this again as it went so well , however , probably start around 12 - 2pm this time since it ran until 3am . So after a bit of time with the doctor and the radiologist here is what was found . I used photoshop on an x - ray I found on the internet to show what it looked like . The doctor used his magical " push really hard " abilities to set it in the correct position . So 3 weeks from now I should be set to go . I 've gone through an ACL in both knees and those were pretty exciting . The second surgery did get me into biking which is pretty good . So now it seems that I 'm back to knee # 1 and working on different ligaments . Something happened last week during our first Intramurals tournament game near the end . I dove for a frisbee and must have done something to my knee . This was different than the other knee injuries as I didn 't notice it at first , but that night it got pretty sore . I had trouble that night sleeping on it and the next day it was pretty stiff . Well it was a good 65 degrees and sunny out today . Finally good weather . We pulled together some of the frisbee squad and played some ultimate at 2 today . It was super nice weather for playing . Not super warm and not cold , just perfect with a tad of wind . Now my roommates know what powers I have over the internet in the apartment . Now , I have to behave myself . I think I will implement Quality of Service though so Josh cannot kill our internet by downloading bit torrent stuff like he does now . Interesting movie . Acting was a bit poor , but it seemed like it wasn 't the highest budget film . The movie left me feeling slightly entertained , but I didn 't think it was the best movie . I thought it was good . Good humor and a good view on the whole Afghanistan situation in the 80 's . Its always tough to know what to think about things like that . The US obviously was looking to thwart the Soviet Union 's Expansion and had a lot to gain , however , we really did do a poor job of fixing up the place after the party was over . I suspect that the movies viewpoint is scewed a bit towards what we want to think about the whole ordeal . The U . S . S . R could probably do a similar documentary on the Vietnam war that would be similar for them as this movie is for us . For those of you who read my old blog you probably remember how I posted fairly often and then all of a sudden stopped posting for about a year . Well , now I have a new better blog and I 'm posting again . I really like the format and admin part of my site now . Also , I haven 't played Eve in about a week and a half , which is quite a long time considering how much I was playing . Finally it was nice out , really nice out . It was around 65 - 70 degrees and the sun was shining making it even warmer . I 've cleaned both of my bikes , just need to take them to the power washer now with some degreaser to shine them up good . Then I 'll polish them and lube them and I 'll be set to go . We even got some Ultimate in today , even though it wasn 't that great of a game it was just good to play outside . I finished tweaking some of the colors and positions of stuff just in time for the domain name ( tygertown . us ) to update to the new site . Also , it is about 50 degrees out right now and that means its fix bike time . Hopefully I will have both my bikes up and running smooth today and can maybe get out with the roadbike for a spin today . If not I can go tomorrow as it is suppose to be like 65 degrees . It will be a battle of whether to play Frisbee or bike tomorrow So I 've spent about 5 hours trying to get any of the many Picasa plugins to actually work . Apparently WordPress 2 . 5 must have changed a bunch of stuff and all of the plugins that I have tried have failed in one way or another . Some really neat ones that I really wish would have worked too . Well I 've been persuaded to use WordPress as my website manager . Why ? Well cuz its easy and fun to edit stuff . Of course I will now have to actually post stuff that will entertain people .
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Once when I was 18 , I went to a movie with some friends , The Net . I sat right behind my stake president and his wife . My mom was furious that I had seen a PG - 13 movie . I didn 't let her know that I had seen many others and even a couple Rated - R films that I wasn 't proud of . My mom went around the family , pointing one at a time at each of the nine children , asking that we commit to never watching a PG - 13 movie . I wouldn 't do it . She continued , threatening a barrage of consequences and finally saying that we would stay in family night session until I committed . " Sure , " I lied . Until a few years ago , I raised my kids the same way , telling them that they have a choice between this awful thing or this wonderful thing , while shaming them if they chose anything other than what I thought was best . Through personal experience and study I 've learned that this type of parenting is less effective . It pushes away the child and ultimately reinforces the idea that choosing is a bad thing . As an adult I would find myself creating scenarios where I " had " to do something , believing that I didn 't have a choice in the matter . I felt that I " had " to go to church and I " had " to pay tithing and I " had " to do family history and I " had " to read the scriptures . I ended up resenting it . What should have brought me peace and joy brought me contempt and anxiety . When I realized that I did have a choice I began to feel the blessings of those choices where before , when I " had " to do it , I don 't think I was fully participating in the blessings that come from doing good . I have friends that have left the church because they didn 't see the joy in it and now that they are " out " they seem happier and more at peace . I think that this has something to do with what we 've been discussing . Rather than a culture of rules , restrictions , and limitations , the gospel of Jesus Christ is a series of opportunities to experience joy and love and hope . I get that young children often need a decision phrased out as a choice between something good and something bad ; it helps them learn and be accountable . But when a child is no longer a child they acquire abstract thought . They can comprehend that life really isn 't about a series of right or wrong choices , but a wide array of choice integrated into human dynamics and emotions , fostered by passions and desires . The world I live in , isn 't as simple as a choice between right and wrong . I seldom wake up in the morning wanting to do something bad . I don 't want to steal or murder or hurt another person . I typically want to be happy and help others . The most difficult decisions that I make aren 't to do something wrong or do something right but are to deciding which right thing to devote my time and energy too - a decision between right and right . ( Not even Good , Better , and Best . ) I 've experienced choices that I have felt that whatever I chose , God would sustain . Several years ago my son had such a choice to make . He asked me for advice . Of course I had an opinion on the matter but something caused me pause . I remembered when I left home to serve a mission for my church . I had an extremely difficult time knowing what it was that God wanted me to do . Usually in such a situation I would seek out my mom and ask her opinion . She would give it . I would do what she said whether I wanted to or not because God commanded that we respect our mothers and our fathers , so in a sense , even if her advice was wrong , I couldn 't be held accountable for my inappropriate choice because I honored my mother . ( That was some pretty messed up thinking ) . Why would God not give direction where direction was requested ? My entire life up until that point believed in a myth that there was a right and a wrong to ever question . That is what the hymn says right ? No . It states , " There 's the right and the wrong to every question . " Not a right and a wrong . It follows up with , " Be safe thru inspiration 's power . " " What are you going to do ? " I asked my son . He thought about it and chose the one that he wanted . I encouraged him to return to prayer and let Heavenly Father know what he chose . He did and received the burning confirmation that his choice was accepted . God : Don 't go punching holes in the boats . You don 't have to steer because I control the waves and the winds and I 'll get you where I want you to go . Have faith and trust me . What if the Brother of Jared was explicitly directed to solve the light problem ? Would he have grown ? I don 't believe that the idea of making glass stones would have been the solution that God would have come up with . I mean , maybe he would have offered a flashlight or the clapper . I believe that the Brother of Jared 's efforts brought a smile to God 's face . I think He is pleased with his children when they magnify their gift of choice . When we plan things out in the mind and heart that he gave us and when we cease the opportunity to create . And a mistake isn 't the end of all things . God allowed Adam and Eve to transgress even though it brought them pain . In fact , it was by His design . The greater lesson learned from the Garden is that God 's purposes are the exaltation of man , not his condemnation . Why would God have protected the tree of life ? It wasn 't a punishment ; it was a blessing . So let us teach our children correct principles and then really let them govern themselves . Let 's refrain from shaming them into righteousness , denying them of the blessings of a righteous choice , taking the glory unto ourselves . Instead , Let us show them the true way of happiness and joy through embracing one of the greatest gifts of existence - choice . jace · June 22 , 2014 · Leave a Reply Something has been on my mind as of late . The memory is from about 8 years ago . I was on the phone with a client and feeling a little insecure for not having wrapped up an assignment . My wife happened to be in the room , so I motioned to her to retrieve the client 's file from my drawer , as I continued the conversation . My phone beeped letting me know the battery was low . I indicated to my wife to hurry but she didn 't understand my gestures or read my mind . The phone beeped again and I thought it had died for good . I unleashed . I felt like she , being my wife , was an extension to me and as such should be in tune with my needs , my wants , my mind , whether I expressed myself or not . Then I realized the phone was still on and my client heard every word . I tried to recover , but it was too late . Someone from the outside saw behind the curtains . What had changed in my relationship with her ? At one point in time I strived to earn her respect and love , and I returned the sentiments . And if anyone else spoke to her that way , I 'd have their hide . So why was I entitled to do so ? I 've worked a lot with youth and I think I 'm pretty good at it . When teaching a youth a skill , I 'm patient ; I explain myself , I teach , I 'm kind and friendly , and loving . But when teaching my child the same , I use words like , " Cause I told you so " and " Don 't question me " and " Just do as your told . " Why ? I 've spent the last couple years trying to repent and change . I 've taken a hard look at all my familiar relationships . Those that I 've treated the worst are family ; those that have treated me the worst are family . The only physical altercations I had growing up were with family . The worst names I 've been called were by family , a sister in particular . Maybe it 's because my family knows who I really am and the rest is a show ? No . I have genuine relationships with many others that know all about me , and I don 't feel the need to disrespect , control , or manipulate them . But what gives a child the right to verbally degrade her father ? What gives a husband the right to disrespect his wife ? What gives a wife the right to demean and belittle her husband or her children ? Christ taught , " Love thy neighbor as thyself . " I interpreted the Good Samaritan parable as loving people of different beliefs , origins , cultures as myself . I 've done this . But why would that exclude those closest to me ? I 've noticed that the times that I 've degraded or belittled anyone , particularly my family , is when I hate something about myself and I 've taken it out on them ( extensions of me ) . It 's not right . Just because two people said " I do " doesn 't give free license to disrespect , control , manipulate , degrade , shame , or belittle in any relationship that formed because of those vows . I 've realized that those in my family aren 't extensions of me and have no obligation to do my bidding . They , like everyone is entitled to respect , kindness , courteousness , and gentleness . My adopted son helped me see this and I 'm a better dad and husband because of it . I remember my companion stopping at the top of that hill and calling me out for my poor attitude . I was embarrassed , because deep down I knew I was out of line . But I was also angry that he dared point that out , so I laid into him verbally , hitting him with everything I could think of . I 've felt those same monstrous feelings many times in my life . It 's more than dislike , or intolerance . It 's more than frustration or annoyance . The feeling brings with it the darkness , greater than resentment and disdain . I can call it hate , but that doesn 't quite explain it . Its more than , " I hate you , " it 's more like " I hope you fail . " I spent a lot of my life , treating this existence like a race . The analogy almost fits . There 's a start and a finish , there are lanes ( bounds ) that we run in , we have coaches and fans cheering us on , and we 've got to put forth some effort to advance down the track . In a race , if the guy next to me trips , I have a better shot at winning . His loss is my gain . No , life is nothing like a race . Our invitation into heaven has nothing to do with the choices of others . We will be held accountable for our own sins , and it is through the Atonement of Christ , all mankind can be saved . Our qualifying for the saving grace is dependent on our obedience to the principles and participation in the ordinances of the gospel , particularly faith , repentance , baptism , and receiving the gift of the holy spirit . If the guy next to me trips - struggles in this existence , it doesn 't increase my chances of making it to one of those mansions . In fact , if I don 't stop and help the guy up , I could find myself in need of repentance for any number of transgressions . We are commanded to love one another . As disciples of Christ we have covenanted to bear up one another 's burdens , and mourn with those that mourn , comfort those that stand in need of comfort . Hoping someone fails is more than not helping a neighbor , it 's pushing him down . To root for someone 's failure , exposure , or downfall is obviously unchristian ; I think they are similar feelings to those Cain had for Abel , Rueben for Joseph , Saul for David , and so on . Isn 't this feeling the very drive of evil ? Doesn 't Satan desire God to fail ? And yet contrast these feelings with those lessons of the righteous like Joseph who after being sold into Egypt , incarcerated , and enslaved , openly forgave his brothers , loved them , and tried to help them out . Joseph Smith had many that hoped for his failure , some of those closest to him , such as W . W . Phelps who he responded in love , " Come on , dear brother , since the war is past , For friends at first , are friends again at last . " As true Disciples of Christ we ought instead root for the success of others . Rather than push a fellow down , let us pick him up and help him along . Love should be our tool , not envy , charity , not pride , forgiveness , not resentment . I have wronged a good many people in my life . I hope that they are kinder to me than I have been to others . President Uchtdorf stated , " My beloved fellow disciples of the gentle Christ … we must realize that all of God 's children wear the same jersey . Our team is the brotherhood of man . This mortal life is our playing field . Our goal is to learn to love God and to extend that same love toward our fellowman . We are here to live according to His law and establish the kingdom of God . We are here to build , uplift , treat fairly , and encourage all of Heavenly Father 's children . " If we take a step back and look at God 's plan , we see that at one point in time we were all on the same side . All of us here in this existence that have kept their first estate , waged war against Satan and his followers . In the pre - mortal life we rooted for each other , we helped each other out . I believe that many of us chose to come to this existence , having hope that the Atonement of Christ could save us from physical and spiritual death . Also having faith in Christ that he would fulfill his promise and that through his sacrifice we could be made whole and receive eternal life . And also having charity , love for those around us . Perhaps in that Great War we persuaded those that struggled with the prospect of leaving Father 's presence , dying physically and spiritually , to not worry , because all of us up there would be down here , and we could bind together in families and wards , and communities , and nations , and help one another to keep our second estate . jace · March 30 , 2014 · 3 Replies A few years ago , my son tried a newly acquired ninja move in his sister 's bedroom . As he mounted his foot , the drywall gave way . I found him dangling by a leg , his foot embedded in the wall . If such a thing were to happen today , I 'd laugh and probably snap a photo to memorialize the hilarity . Not so in my earlier years . I took ample time to yell at him for not thinking through his actions . I dragged him all over the house , showing him every hole and mark he 'd left from his past ventures , reminding him once again of all his prior mistakes . In my ignorance , I believed that this tool was most effective in rearing a child in the way he should go . I now know that Shame has long - lasting consequences that are not only damaging to the child , but to those future relationships the he or she may develop and to the countless generations to come . Shame is learned and passed on . In our pre - mortal existence , we know that Lucifer ( Satan ) proposed that Heavenly Father send him , rather than Jesus to redeem all mankind and not one would be lost . I 've wondered how this would have come about . I believe that he intended to take away our choices , forcing us , controlling us to do his will . This of course was completely contrary to God 's plan in which we would be given agency so that we could think and act for ourselves and not be acted upon . Using Shame in parenting is abuse . It 's a form of brainwashing or conditioning the child to behave a particular way , removing agency from the equation as Lucifer intended . We use it to show disproval and disagreement . It 's a way to train a child not to act , but to react as they are acted upon . I have no doubt that this system of parenting was developed by Lucifer himself . In College I was watching television with a close friend in the basement of her home . Her dad appeared for a second then returned upstairs . My friend became visibly anxious and excused herself from the group . Later I found her in tears . She told me that her dad was mad that we had hijacked his television time . I saw nothing from her father that indicated that he was upset and asked how she knew . She just did . I think she had become conditioned . Whatever look he gave my friend caused in her a reaction that had been conditioned over her lifetime . Let 's pursue that thought . What does a Shaming Parent do when the child obeys ? Do they let the love flow in great abundance ? No . It 's still conditional . I used to find myself saying , " That 's great but … " A Shaming Parent can always find a reason to withdraw and withhold love . Showing love is showing weakness ; it undermines the control . Heaven forbid they start to think and act on their own . The result is a child that is conditioned to aim for perfection and nothing less ; because only through perfection might they reach that dangling carrot . And when they fall short time after time ( as is the design of this existence ) , they begin to feel that they will never be good enough ; nothing they do is worth the effort , they are broken , useless and unwanted . Their world is seen as black and white , right and wrong . I have a theory that our perception of God is based on our perceptions of our parents . For much of my life I believed that I could only feel God 's love if I were perfect . I had a fundamental belief that I did not deserve the Atonement unless I did nothing wrong ( wherein I would have no need for it ) . It 's like a test . We black and white thinkers only have one shot at this exam and there are only two outcomes , pass and fail . To pass we need a perfect score , 100 % . If we get one problem wrong , dropping our score to 99 . 8 % , we were something other than perfect and so we 've failed . It 'd be no different if we got an F . To some this might seem absurd . But to those that have been conditioned by shame , they will understand , and possibly even agree with the analysis . The need to be perfect is an addiction and permeates every aspect of our lives . We live for praise . Some fall prey to emotional affairs . Others neglect their family while reaping praise from serving the world . We judge and criticize those around us , and mostly those closest to us . We create a paradigm where we can do no wrong . Such a world will eventually become unmanageable because it is not founded on principles of the Gospel like forgiveness and repentance . After a lifetime of perceived perfection we abandon sacred truths , break sacred covenants , and continue to point the finger elsewhere . " Rarely do people caught in addictive behaviors admit to being addicted . To deny the seriousness of our condition and to avoid detection and the consequences of our choices , we tried to minimize or hide our behaviors . We did not realize that by deceiving others and ourselves , we slipped deeper into our addictions . As our powerlessness over addiction increased , many of us found fault with family , friends , Church leaders , and even God . " - ARP Manual , Step 1 The Perfect Addiction may be more subtle , less noticeable than say drugs or pornography , but just as damaging to our souls . Sins do not necessarily keep us out of heaven , not repenting of them will . The Perfect Addiction brings with it pride , resentment , unwillingness to forgive , and selfishness . If any of this has hit home , or if you have found it offensive , hard to hear , please take some time to soul search . Take courage and look in the mirror . It was extremely difficult for me , but I 'll tell you that on the other side , life is wonderful and happy . Through daily repentance and the Atonement , I can over come the effects of shame in my own life and refrain from passing this addiction onto future generations . The talk brought to mind an experience I had just over a year ago . I was sitting in the spare bedroom in the basement , a pit in my stomach , wide - awake in the middle of the night . I had been living in the spare room for a couple months . That night in the spare room , I came to a conclusion . I wasn 't going to wait forty years to end a toxic marriage . I wasn 't going to prolong the inevitable . I decided to get a divorce . I had been going to counseling for about a year and felt that I had been given many tools to help my relationship with my wife , and all that was missing was for her to fall in line and do her part . I had built a severe case against her ; I accused her , diagnosed her , labeled her and judged her . I jumped at every opportunity to point out her faults and mistakes and to remind her of past failures . I told myself that by doing so I was helping her out , providing leadership . After all who doesn 't love to be told over and over and over again that they 're wrong . Moreover , I felt that I would somehow be held accountable if I didn 't point out her problems . A couple weeks ago I exchanged emails with someone that suggested God would under the right circumstances tell someone to get a divorce and break the covenant they had made over an altar of the temple before God , angels and witnesses . This person stated it was similar to God commanding , " Thou shalt not kill , " but then commanding Abraham to kill his son and Nephi to kill Laban . I suppose the point was that there are always exceptions . Back to Nephi and Abraham . As I pondered this thought and read the passages of scripture where Nephi was commanded to take Laban 's life I realized that according to the Law of Moses and the doctrine given to Nephi , he was not commanded to do anything that was contrary to the Law of Moses or the law of the land . Nor was Abraham commanded to do anything contrary to the gospel . God used the experience to teach Abraham the true reason for living the law of sacrifice they had been given . Abraham nor Nephi were asked to break a covenant they had made . I prayed and studied , pondered and prayed some more and I realized that I could not justify breaking that covenant . It didn 't happen right away , but my heart began to soften and change . The Lord in his goodness showed me the louse I had been and helped me see how to become something better . He helped me to see the need I had to check boxes rather than live the gospel as I discussed in a previous post . He guided me to develop unconditional love for my bride . As I repented and softened my heart , I felt happiness , true happiness . Up until that time I had been miserable . I tried to hide it from the world ; I blamed it on those around me , or things outside my control . I found some reprieve by badmouthing my wife , building the case , and reinforcing my judgments , but deep down I knew I was wrong , no matter how justified I felt , I was a hypocrite . I professed to be a Christian . Christ didn 't look for opportunities to point out mistakes , condemn those that had sinned , cast out the unworthy , withdraw his love from even those that betrayed him . Quite the opposite . Christ came not into the world to condemn the world , but that through him the world might be saved . My actions were not at all Christlike . Looking back at the years , I realize that it was difficult for the Atonement of Christ to take effect in my life because of my pride , more than my sins . Sins won 't necessarily keep us out of heaven , not repenting of them will . How could my heart be mended if it was broken , or my spirit touched if it wasn 't contrite ? It 's a family crest , or was when first hung there many years ago . It 's made of solid wood , shaped like a shield , with a banner once reading " Sanders " . The crest was composed of small , individually cut and added wood pieces , each with differing color and texture . Together , they formed a beautiful complicated piece of art representing the Sanders Family . There was a large bull at the top , posturing to all that Sanders were stout , tall , proud , and passionate people . I particularly loved the fleur de lis in the middle , representing to me my family 's involvement in scouting . Over the years , the crest fell apart . It seemed every time I 'd visit the cabin another piece had fallen from its position , victim to the heat of the fireplace . What the family used to comfort our stay actually destroyed the crest . As the fire 's smoke and heat rose through the chimney the glue , securing the wood pieces softened then melted . I was thinking about the crest , but more intently thinking about my family , my parents and eight siblings . At the time , my father had moved out of the house , and soon after , my mother filed for divorce . As I stared at the crest above the flickering fire , I thought of the countless lessons my parents taught me , though now they seemed to have less tack . My parents bragged that for some thirty years , maybe more , that they read the scriptures everyday except for one night back in ' 78 , maybe it was ' 79 ? Even when they were living apart , they still read scriptures . I was raised to believe that scripture reading was an ingredient for a successful marriage . I doubt it hurt , but I 'm learning that a successful marriage isn 't achieved by checking boxes . That may actually be a large factor in my family 's current situation . If we believe that God will judge us on our works , that it is only through strict adherence to the laws , that qualifies us for heaven , we might adopt a practice of checking boxes . Reading scriptures , going to church , saying prayers , paying tithing , all great things , if done out of fear of condemnation , don 't seem to harvest the blessings that foster happiness . If we check the boxes with hopes of not being punished , its difficult to enjoy the moment , or recognize the blessings that are predicated upon those laws . And what of the atonement , forgiveness , and mercy ? As a box checker , I often found myself looking at others around me , seemingly free from the daunting tasks of righteousness , wondering why they appeared so happy , free . I judged them , I condemned . I thought that by checking the boxes , I would someday find myself , after having endured to the end , struggling through this existence , carrying the crosses I 'd been asked to bare , at the Savior 's feet , where he would say , " Well done , thou good and faithful servant . " I 've since had a change of heart . I realize now that enduring to the end is the fun part , the great part , because now I have the knowledge of who I am ; I have been forgiven and shown mercy . Now I can enjoy the blessings of the atonement and the gospel and be happy . That was difficult to see through my judgmental eyes . My insecurities and fear drove me to criticize those around me , passing condemnation onto the lot , as I sought to find fault with others , in the name of righteousness . In truth I was living way beneath my privilege , making this existence harder for myself and those around me . In reality , the scene I often visualized of describing to the Lord the boxes I had checked , complaining about the crosses I had born and the sacrifices I had made would have merited the words , " I never knew thee . " As box checkers , we bend over backwards to serve those around us , to offer a ride , make a pie , donate countless hours to others and worthwhile causes . This usually merits kind recognition , appreciation from those served . It might even allow us to dream of our mansions above and with that , maybe we already have our reward . To our family , those not in the lime light , where action isn 't seen by the world ( except through Facebook ) , it 's difficult to find time and the only boxes requiring checks have little to do with being a good parent . There 's a world of difference between reading versus of scripture , and teaching children the Gospel . And " no success can compensate for failure in the home . " Heat will come ; there is opposition in all things . I think the answer to avoiding separation is stronger bonds . As I 've abandoned the ways of checking boxes , I 've learned how to live in the moment , finding joy in everyday situations with my family . I 'm more grateful for my life , and I recognize the multitude of blessings that come from , not checking boxes , but making righteous choices . I use to believe that my day was made up of right or wrong choices , black or white decisions . If I was in tune with the Spirit , I would be told the right choices to make in everything I did , down to which road to take to work . I was essentially asking God for more boxes to check . Then I learned that the Spirit doesn 't work that way . God gave us a mind in which to ponder , and free will to choose , not between black and white , but purple , orange , red , and blue , and hundreds of thousands more . The Spirit isn 't going to tell us anything contrary to God 's plan of happiness . God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be . The Spirit cares about what 's important to me , and doesn 't seem eager to give me boxes to check . Another bond is each other . At one point all of us were on the same side . If Christ came not into the world to condemn the world , who are we to not forgive all men . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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This isn 't the best picture but time was of the essence this morning ! Today was costume day @ preschool . For the last two months , all I 've heard is " I want a Jessie costume " ! We had a perfectly new dragon costume but no , oh no , she 's not into dragons anymore . . . . . ( Hello Craig 's list ? ! ) I did look at costumes , on line and in stores . I 'm not against a store costume , the boys have insisted on being Ninjas and Iron Man . That said , those costumes rarely hold up and often get thrown away . This is sad because my kids don 't get that " once Halloween is over the costumes should go away . " What ? ! Huh ? ! No , costumes are totally in vogue at the Rafter Lazy H ; everything from the Darth Vader and Optimus Prime head gear to the Clone from Star Wars to Ninjas , cowboys , football players , pirates and the all time favorite . . . . . gunslingers ! My thought was to create a costume that " Jessie " could wear long after the trick - or - treating is over . Enter the sewing machine ! I should explain that the last time I fired one of these deals up , on my own , was in high school Home - Ec . To make a long story short , I ditched the class after a semester and headed for shop . It 's not that I didn 't like to sew , I HATED it . There were way too many steps and details for my energetic little being . I also had a great fear that I would screw up the machine , horribly , beyond recognition and . . . . I had a heck of a time sitting STILL that long ! I 've had a couple of Christmas project ideas that required a sewing machine , and being the cre8tive gal I am , I enlisted the assistance of gifted pals ! I can soar in the department of avoidance . I inherited this machine a little over a year ago . It belonged to my Grandma Ruth . Grandma was quite the seamstress . I remember wanting a Cabbage Patch Doll badly . She bought a kit and made me one in a weekend , complete with little outfits . I named her Patience Ranae ( probably because I had NONE and . . . . I was into " Colonial " names ! ) I was in awe of how fluid she was , the machine seemed to be a natural extention of her creative ideas . She maPosted by I think I 've burned myself out but darned if I 'll let any tomatoes got to waste . I worked way to hard to get them to grow . I won 't be doing anything fancy or elaborate , just skinning and bagging them for soups and stews . All the canning equipment is neatly packed away in the storage room . Hopefully I 'll be in the mood to can next summer . . . . . it may take a nice lomg break for me to restore my motivation ! But mark my words , this time I am really done . The chickens get anything that grows after this . What would I ever do if I could have four season farming ? ! ? ! The answer : give up laundry ! ! ! ! ! This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless ! To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www . verizonwireless . com / picture . Note : To play video messages sent to email , Quicktime @ 6 . 5 or higher is required . Funny that the previous post was about list making and schedule keeping . I 've made the executive decision to go off plan : I needed to finish a Jessie The Cowgirl costume and since I was down here . . . . I made Halloween Cards ! Have you ever tried using alcohol inks ? I been intrigued by the glossy , unique designs they create so I gathered supplies and gave them a whirl - - - - this a a totally beautiful and FUN medium ! If you are into card making , scrapbooking or just want to exercise your creative vibrations , give these a try , you 'll have a blast ! And before I forget , if you are in the area and would like to join me , I 'm looking at November 13th for a Cowgirl Craft afternoon open house . Bring your pictures , projects , knitting , or whatever else your hearts desire . We 'll have a " play date " here in the craft room ! Message me for details if you 'd like to join in a relaxing afternoon of conversation and creating . I 'll have the hot cider ready ! Time to fly , I 've got to go pick up " Jessie " aka Blue Sparkle aka Wolf Cub aka my daughter ! Are you a list maker ? There 's no question that I am ! I make lists for groceries , homework , home improvement , farm / ranch projects and even writing ideas . It could be said that I am a " chronic " list maker . . . . . I fit the bill . Part of my drive is the stern dislike of being unorganized and scattered . For those that follow Nine Star Ki , I am a one water / three tree so I do have the ability to " go with the flow and adapt " . I also crave new vistas and learning experiences , which can certainly appear as scattered , unplanned and chaotic ! Post youth , I 'm more inclined to finish a project before the deadline versus burning the midnight oil like I used to do . My motto in college was that I worked better under pressure . This may have been true to an extent , but now , the adrenaline doesn 't negate the stress ! As part of organization and time management classes I teach , I research strategies and ideas to help streamline time and efficiency . The challenge for me is always how to cram more in a day AND still find time to do things I enjoy . I had a grand revelation this summer : I bought a huge white board , removed a lovely picture and hung it in a prominent place . On this board hangs lunch menus , invitations , a favorite picture , drawings , kids ' chore lists , reminders and a daily / weekly over view . When I know what 's coming down the line it 's easier to plan ahead . I 'm a very visual person so having everything in one spot is supportive . I used to write down grocery lists but I find it more efficient to put that list in my phone , which is always with me . Too many times I 've made a grocery list only to find that it is 30 some miles to the south when I hit the store and rummage through a full messenger bag ! I also am using what I call a " Mom Planner " I wasn 't going to spend $ 50 on the one I saw on line . Instead I spent $ 12 on a purple one when we were school shopping . It has school calendars , health information , christmas list ideas , and any other information I need to keep track of . It 's too bulky to pack around so it sits near my desk for quiPosted by I 'll admit , this may be a little over - the - top ! I 'm one that often comments on how we don 't have time to enjoy the present season before retail stores are putting the next season 's good on shelves ! So I am questioning what feels and looks like a fab idea ! I fell in love with this tree as soon as I laid eyes on it . First , it 's my color ! Second , when I saw it , I had an instant vision of antique toys nestled under the branches . I 've been pining for a " girlie " tree , one that is simple , fresh and fun , one that I can haul upstairs myself and one that requires little to zero clean - up . My idea of a Christmas tree is as follows : grab , fluff and display ! Though I adore Christmas , I despise laborious decorating . I have a blast going with my family to choose a tree but past that , I turn it over to the pros ! I am not known for my patience in hanging each and every precious ornament . Pass . I 'd rather whip up something tasty to sip or much after the tinsel has been put on . It 's a long story and maybe I 'll write about it sometime ; for now , suffice to say . . . . elaborate tree decorating is not my bag baby ! So after the cleaning and reorganization today , I rewarded myself with the delight of putting this " champagne " tree together ! It 's so pretty and the colors compliment fall , Halloween and Thanksgiving . Now that is what I call a multi - purpose tree ! ( I hope I won 't be tired of it in another month ? ) BS was happy to help me throw some little pumpkins on the branches . We placed bigger ones around the base and presto - chango ' , we have ourselves a cute , little Halloween tree ! Interestingly , I 've been so darn busy that I haven 't put out any Halloween decorations . Oh , we 'll soon drag out the pumpkin carving paraphernalia and creepy music but we won 't go all out this year . We 'll be traveling Friday and Saturday and home in time Sunday to make the rounds so we 'll focus on " turkeys " from here on out . I 'm not sure how long this baby will stay up but I as I write I just had a vision of pheasant feathers sticking out of the branches . . . . . hummmmm ! I thinPosted by I 'll admit , I have a hard time just doing one thing . I am a " chronic multi - tasker " . I appreciate the aspect of being " in the moment " though I have a heck of a time sitting still ! I do my best to focus on what 's in front of me , but it 's really best if my hands have something to do . Enter knitting : I learned how to knit about a year ago . I 'm still very much a beginner though I see my pace is improving . I realize knitting IS slower than crochet , though at this time , I 'm content to keep expanding my knitting skills . There is something magical and amazing to me that two wooden sticks and a ball of fluffy yarn can be made into a scarf . Even more fantastical is the I am the one doing it ! Excuse the self - boasting but HOLY CRAPPP ! ! ! ! ! I 'm actually knitting . . . . and it looks good enough to give away ! This is coming from a former child who gave her Grandmother a reminder that like flowers and wine , patience really is a virtue ! At one time my hyper - activity / ADD tendencies were what would earn me a trip outdoors to do something " constructive " and give the folks around me a break ; those same tendencies are now responsible for scarves , purses , sewn halloween costumes , canned goods , grouted floors , painted walls , homemade cards , and weekly cooking experiments ! I like to think such random , scattered energies have been transmuted into refined , creative vibrations that actually produce a viable end product ! I do sometimes admire others who can solely focus on " one thing at a time " . I can when I choose to . I think of watching / listening to football and knitting is how I get the MOST out of couch time ! It 's rare that I even sit down so I 'm going to make it count . Plus this is a perfect day to knit . The weather is on the cool side , overcast and dreary . I love nothing more than to curl up and let my fingers fly . Flannel shirts , leggings , wool socks , hot coffee and knitting . This is my idea of a very enjoyable fall afternoon ! I may or may not get off the couch tonight . The laundry , dishes and floors can wait . They always do ! Now , if I could Posted by This isn 't the best picture of the new car - pet - o but my camera card is full and I am in the midst of " moving back in " to a place I never left ! So maybe more pics later ? If you are a regular of this little ' ol blog , you know I am OCD when it comes to floors . My favorite gadget in the world is a Kirby vacuum , I heart it . With one itty bitty house pooch , three kids , hubby , and a constant stream of traffic out front , back and side doors , that piece of equipment is essential . Right now we 're not fighting mud , we 're battling burrs - - - sandburs everywhere . I HATE stickers , especially on the stairs . Grrrrr ! Flies are the other nemesis . It hasn 't frozen so they are swarming the house and windows by the billions This is actually not that much of an exaggeration . It 's bad when you look through the window and can 't see daylight . . . . . . So , the vacuum comes in super handy there too . I 've been on the go for the past few days so things are not back to order yet , but they will be soon . I did pause for a moment to reflect and enjoy the new floor . It looks great and I love seeing it versus the previous covering . It makes me remember the importance of dreaming and positive affirmations coupled with luck , determination and good old fashioned muscle power ! New carpet may not sound like much , but to me , wanting it for the last five years IS a big deal . I 've wished and hoped and saved bucks for this expense because there were a lot of other things that did come first . I get that , and there 's no reason why we can 't hold on to those dreams that feel out of reach . Just because what we want is not here RIGHT NOW , doesn 't mean it won 't ever be . Our dreams may be hiding at a time in the future , waiting for just the perfect timing so we 'll truly appreciate what we 're about to have ! They may be just down the road , maybe closer , maybe the next step away . The important thing to know is that are there , and this is what we can carry in our hearts TODAY . May the sunshine light you path as you journey on . Twelve years ago today my life as a " Mommy " began ! I had gone to sleep , very tired and heavy . I 'd woke up early in the morning thinking my bladder had exploded ! I was dreaming of going to the bathroom but couldn 't make myself move , I was sooo tired . Little did I know that my water had broken and my baby was on his way . Labor was quite pleasant but had stalled by the time we arrived at the hospital at 6 am . I was then given " pit " and went from no contractions to " just let me stay passed out " ! Delivery was speedy quick , one of the nurses called our boy " The Silver Bullet " ! At 10 : 42 am , I laid eyes on a precious red - haired little pumpkin and my heart would never be the same . Little did we know that Pake 's first 6 month ( 6 years actually ) were going to be a challenge . He was born with a rare blood disorder that took until April and an act of God to diagnose . Folic acid , Dr . Brittan , Mary Dailey , Dr . Hayes , and several amazing nurses , as well as family and friends supported us during these years . We became a living testament to the power of prayer and positive beliefs . From that first week in ICU , talking to him and encouraging his little body to heal , all the way to age five and a splenectomy , we grew and experienced life , laughed , cried and learned . We know that we are not in control , rather we co - create and pray for the best and highest good in every situation . We realize we are never alone , we are all in this thing called life , together . Nothing is a given , nothing is set in stone , yet we have unlimited choices and support in every moment of every day . How we look at any situation and keeping a positive perspective , as best as possible is key ! I didn 't ask for this kind of " lesson " and yet , having this experience with Pake has helped me open to and appreciate all the support and blessings , from the smallest to the most amazing . After surgery , Pake is considered medically cured . He 's grown tall and eats more than I do ( he usually watches to see what I have on my plate and then volunteers to help me " clean it up " ! He wPosted by I detest this carpet . I have for a long time . I 've just finished clearing out all the things I could move . I now need a big , strappin ' lad or two to take apart beds an a desk so we can get to ripping out carpet . Yes , it 's a lot of work but oh so worth not having to look at these disgusting stains . I 've cleaned and cleaned and there 's no getting them out . The next color coming in will hopefully " hide " the various markings of country life . . . . . . at least I hope so ! Moving on now . . . . . This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless ! To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www . verizonwireless . com / picture . Note : To play video messages sent to email , Quicktime @ 6 . 5 or higher is required . Sometimes I see the " grazing crew " down in the canyon , sometimes by the windmill , on occasion , they 're roaming near the arena . My favorite of coarse is when I spy them just past the back deck , making their way up the hill , placid , regal , beautiful . I love that they appear to be tranquil but can , in a split second , bring the sound of rolling thunder with their hooves when they hear Chad calling them in for their daily grain rations . I adore my dogs though there is something magnificent about the equine species . I am really glad we live where we do . I like having this view . The house is now quiet and the kitchen somewhat put back into shape after the morning scramble . I 've been dreading and waiting for today . I 'm about to pack up three rooms so that we can have a " carpet tearing out party tonight " . This is the first of three steps left to complete for the upstairs remodel : carpet replacement in the bedrooms and office , new counter tops and tile floor in the master bath . There is no time limit , apparently I like to drag things out ! I 'll be working solo for a bit since the kids are at school and Chad is working . I need to take advantage of not having extra hands because as soon as Blue Sparkle gets home , she 'll be more than glad to help me rearrange ! If you are in the area , and are bored out of your mind , join me ! I still have some delicious hot cider left from yesterdays ' celebration and a couple of yummy cherry turnovers . I feed my helpers well ! I 've cooked up my " wonderful widdle " eggs and YUMMMM ! The first thing I noticed is how hard the shells were , unlike the flimsy white ones we get at the store . The size is on the small side but the yoke is rich . I think these eggs taste amazing , especially because of all the hard work that 's been put into getting them here . I now comprehend the relationship between work and food , the connection between human and animals and the joy of growing / raising your own . This definitely makes me savor and appreciate the simple meal in front of me . I am overwhelmed with the bounty and blessings . You know when something you want happens and then , you are so excited that you can 't believe it 's real ? For me , things happen in 3 's . The first time I pause and go on . The second time something happens , I take note and consider it and the third time , I pay a lot of attention . It has to be repeated for it to be real . Take the mountain lion I saw this summer . Three mornings in a row , my dog alerted me with her wild , protective bark ! The first time , I couldn 't believe my eyes , the second I was surprised and on the third day , I was looking for it ! Yesterday we had to reconstruct the top of our chicken complex roof . We 'd placed a blue tarp to keep the birds in and keep the fox , coon , coyotes , and other varmints out . It is an illusion to think they aren 't around they are . Since we 've moved the foul to the great outdoors , out of the confines of the barn , it seems that the coyotes are even more daring , brave and present . Chad saw one dart across in front of him in the south pasture , on his way to check the cows in the canyon . I 'm sure they know the chickens are here . I 'm very glad we have a watch dog . She does her job very well ! The wild Nebraska wind 's shredded the edges of the tarp where we had it zip tied to the fence . Last evening my genius husband , put the edge of the tarp in between two thin boards , screwed them together and zip tied them to the outside of the fence . I swear , this man is amazing when it comes to construction , the McGiver of Rafter Lazy H ! It took several kids ' legs and my arms / hands to hold the tarp down . I thought it was windy but today is much worse . I was in and out of the chicken house , listening for a " laying cluck " ! I 'm not sure that exists , I 've never seen a chicken lay an egg but I 've gathered a lot of them in my Grandma Ruth 's chicken house . My bird is appeared to be an afternoon layer . I found the first egg on Tuesday afternoon . We came home late from town on Wednesday night and Chad brought one in . I 'd asked the boys to go look and they came up with nothing , however their father found one on the north wall . ( This is kind of like a daily Easter egg hunt , she doesn 't know where the nest is yet ! ) So I looked last evening . I looked and I looked and then I doubted . . . . . . . . . . . . . . maybe this was a fluke ? ! Maybe she was senstive to all guests in her space and was going to skip a day ? We did make a lot of noise reparing the flapping tarp . I had every intention to sneak back out and take a peek but the evening got away from me . In the midst of supper making , I was called out to help load a renegade cow in the trailer . She 's been on the loose for the better part of two weeks . I do believe she 's worn out her welcome here . I suspect she 'll be going to someone else 's operation soon . . . . . . . . . . . on down the road she 'll go . We have no place for angry , mean , hooky cows . By the time I came back from the one - cow round up , I whipped up spaghetti for six straving kids ( we had a few little friends here for the day ! ) I never made it back out to check on the girls . They 'd been fed and watered and were all locked up in their house for the evening . This morning , after breakfast , I stepped out for a quick visit . I wanted to let them out so they could get some fresh air , though they after being in a barn for so long , they are fair - weather foul , they don 't like the wind anymore than I do ! With much anticipation , I peeked in the doorway and there , in my path . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . was the third egg ! Yep , it 's REAL . I have an official egg - laying chicken . Yeee hawwww ! I have some crafts to work on , more laundry to wash , dry , fold and put away . We 'll return a child and pick another one up and then . . . . . . . . . . . . . we watch the Huskers play Texas . This household is all RED and we 've all become " T - Magic " fans ! After the game , I have much today today to get ready for the birthday / 1st Communion lunch tomorrow . Tomorrow night we 'll move heavy furniture and pull up old carpet as the carpet layers will be here on Tuesday . But with out further ado , I am going to walk into the kitchen and cook me up a little egg ! I 've been waiting for this day for a long , long time ! Here 's to a wonderful weekend , with a few delightful surprises scattered along your path ! I would love to say this rare and interesting breed was totally planned . . . . . and alas , that would be an untruth ! Apparently I mistook gourd seeds for for pumpkins ? Or I had some throwback gourds from last year or some little garden fairies had a little laugh at my expense ! No matter , we have fall decorations and that 's what counts ! We won 't be eating these . . . . just enjoying their unique appearance ! I adore pumpkins ! Last year we had a wonderful crop . This year we have about 5 that look " normal " but very small . I don 't know if this was a watering or soil issue . I planted giant pumpkins and pie pumpkins but I 'm pretty sure something went wrong . I usually have delightful corn shucks decorating my fence and deck ( see 2009 archive ! ) This year the shucks went to hungry cattle who broke through the hot wire to taste test . There went corn for the freezer and decorative stalks ( I refuse to pay $ 5 for a bundle at Menards . ) I 'm also behind in the Halloween decor , not one thing is out or up . Some years it just goes that way . I did manage to get the kitchen put back together after making pickles today . Things were rolling along quite well until I was called outside to help load a renegade cow into the trailer . Here I sit . There are only a thousand other things that I need and want to be doing right now . Grrrrrr ! Oh how lovely ranch life can be . . . . . hurry up and WAIT ! This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless ! To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www . verizonwireless . com / picture . Note : To play video messages sent to email , Quicktime @ 6 . 5 or higher is required . I am SO thrilled ! I found this adorable little egg this afternoon when I went to feed ! What a miracle ! In June , I lost 26 birds . It was devastating as I had to delay my hopes of having farm fresh eggs for a bit . I never gave up hope that there would be eggs on the Rafter Lazy H , I just didn 't know when ! Camo , the only surviving chicken and Feathers , the only duck , survived and thrived through the summer . I didn 't know if she 'd lay or not and truthfully didn 't care . She 's a sweet , sweet gal and will come up to me , without fear , to receive a light feather stroke . She 'll always have a place here and in my heart . I could focus on having only one measly egg , compared to the 26 that I could 've had but I 'm not ! I am thrilled all over with the adorable little treasure that I just found . One chicken , one egg and a great big miracle to this cowgirl 's heart ! Who knew something so simple could bring me to tears and make me dance and sing with joy , in the daylight , in the middle of the chicken pen ? ! Maybe this was her way of thanking Chad for the new " mansion " she 's living in ? ! What a wonderful blessing ! I just had to share ! I had an impromptu lesson on the art of cheese making and milk separation this morning ! Shortly after cleaning up breakfast dishes , unpacking the car from yesterday 's excursion , making a quick cup of GML , I loaded up Egypt and headed south . My lovely nanny goat , is about to " meet her man " . It 's that time of year and in order for me to keep having milk , my girl needs to get with her guy so they can make a baby ! I 've never considered myself much of a match maker but in this case , I guess I am ! I always enjoy visits to the Double K Ranch . Our friends , The Kaiser Family , are such wonderful teachers and mentors . Elizabeth is my " go to Goat Lady " . If I have a question , I call her versus getting on the internet and researching . She is a walking encyclopedia when it comes to the caprine species . When she asked if I 'd like to see how she separates , I jumped at the opportunity . ( BS is was in pre - school and I am all about putting off tomato canning and pickle making for a few more hours ! ) She gifted me with this jar of delicious fresh cream to go in my coffee , which instantly earned her a HUGE hug ! I watched in awe as I saw her old separator do its job ! Elizabeth takes the cream and makes butter , cheese and yogurt for her family . I was given a sample of one of her hard cheese creations . . . . . . . . . . . . YUMMM ! This is definitely where I am headed . It was delicious . I 'm planning to start making cheese this fall . I 'll be starting with my favorite , Feta . I think this is a good idea as this costs upwards of $ 5 . 00 for a small package in the store . I eat it on everything from toast to pasta . Feta is divine on broiled tomatoes sprinkled with basil too ! It may be a while before I 'm in a place where I 'll need a cream separator . I eventually would love to make butter but for the time being , I am content to have fresh milk and cheese . All in good time right ? ! For now , I 've stored up a bit of milk in Egypt 's absence . I 'll miss the cantankerous old bat , simply because I love her milk , certainly not because of her personality . Come March , we 'll have an adorable new kid to play with and tame down . I 'm really not sure what we will do with it either . I haven 't gotten that far . All in good time right ? ! At this point , I am looking at possibly expanding my tiny herd . I 've had several inquiries about goat 's milk . So to the " powers that be " if you are reading , please note , this is INFORMATION , NOT ADVERTISING : Goat 's milk can be purchased in Nebraska at the farm site . It cannot be " officially advertised " but it is legal to go to the site and buy it there ! Cool . I learned something new today ! I have done quite a bit of research with goat 's milk and I very impressed . It is extremely healthy , especially for infants due to the healthy fat content which aids in brain development . I am sure there is a slew of information if any readers are interested about the subject . I 'd love to have it neatly posted here , but alas , I will skip that because I have a kitchen full of produce waiting to jump in jars and a house the need to be re - shui 'd . ( That is a word in my language , a shortened version of hollering at the kids and telling them if they don 't put their crap away it will be " lovingly " hauled to Goodwill on my next trip to town , which incidentally is tomorrow ! ) As a personal testament to the benefits of raw goat 's milk , I can say this . I am now wishing I would have collected more and frozen it ! I see my stores are thin and I will be anticipating having my girl , as crabby as she is , be back on the ranch . Previously , I 've not been a big milk fan . In fact , my children have NEVER see me , drinking milk out of a carton here ! I 'll eat ice cream from time to time but drinking milk . . . . . . . is , well . I 'll just keep that one to myself and simply say , I 'm NOT a fan . Goat 's milk however is very " light " and sweet . I have it in my coffee every day . I cook with it and . . . . . . . . . . . I did something really amazing the other day . . . . . . . . . . . I DRANK IT STRAIGHT UP ! * Gasp * I 've had it in so many things and not been able to tell the difference that it actually came from udders in my back yard , that I wanted to try it out . You can imagaine my amazement when I discovered it tastes delicious , absolutely sweetly delicious ! I could go on an on but instead , I 'd love to encourage you to try it out for yourself . I highly recommend it in peach smoothies , strawberry ice cream , coconut cream pudding , and scrambled eggs ! Tasting is believing . I 'm looking forward to tasting this rich , fabulous , fresh cream in my coffee this afternoon , while I am canning the final produce of the season . I 'm looking back with nastalgia , as this time last year I was onlyPosted by I am happy to report that I finally met my goal of organizing and cleaning both top and bottom levels of our home . It is done , which is kind of a laugh because we all know that when it comes to home and cleaning , the work truly never ends . So , let me rephrase , Project Fall Shape - Up is now complete ! Just in time to . I am in the midst of a very active month . Tomorrow , I 'll be on NTV 's Good Life at 9 : 25 am to talk about Feng Shui . I am thrilled to be sharing about Feng Shui and my passion for creating balance and harmony within our living and working spaces ! My life is a testament to what following this philosophy can do ; without it , I 'm sure I 'd be living in a messy pit of a home ! Oh yes , my home is subject to that thing we call active chaos and sometimes the active chaos does become passive because some other task , obligation or responsibility has distracted my focus . The difference is that I now MAKE TIME to go back and bring each room into alignment , cleaning , clearing , releasing and rearranging as I go . I do a massive restructuring seasonally and each time I do , I find that I fall in love with my environment even more ! I still have tomatoes to can , squash and pumpkins to pick , and several outside clean - up jobs to be done before fall gets any further along . We have a house to decorate for Halloween , classes to teach , a First Communion , a 12th birthday to celebrate , carpet to rip out , new carpet to lay down , two bathrooms to tile , and kitchen cabinet and shelves to build . Am I forgetting anything ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Chad leaves next weekend to go on an elk hunting trip . He 's jazzed . Rodeos are his favorite but going somewhere with his brother , friend and GUNS run a very close second . The kids and I will hold down the fort just fine - - we have several appointments and activities ( its Homecoming week for the Tigers ) ! It 's going fast , October is . The days are a blurr . I have several opportunities that I need to sit down with and contemplate . I could be going back to school in January though I haven 't make any final decisions yet . I am researching a library / media specialist endorsement . Just researching , not saying this is set in stone . I also have some wonderful invitations to teach , craft projects lining up for the holidays and . . . . . . . . . . . . a goat shed that is ALMOST DONE ! Which means that I have to go move my goats RIGHT NOW ! ( I am being called , loudly , from outside the house ) This is the last and final day of my " Fall Cleanse " I so badly want this room to be restored back to its original order . Last spring it looked amazing . It was the room I 've always wanted and never had . And now that I have it , I haven 't been able to enjoy it . That changes today . I 've been on the computer most of the morning . I try not to fire it up every day . Computers are black holes , they suck you in and zap your precious time . Some tasks though are necessary and I 've been tending to those for the last couple of days . I do love my blackberry as it allows me to be mobile , you 'll note I often post blog " musings " on it in lieu of starting up the computer and getting the mifi to actually work ( angry face ) . I am in the final stretch now . The boys are due home any minute , they have an early out today . I am hosting a jewelry workshop here tomorrow . Susan Tolley , mother of my friend , Sheri , will feature her beautiful , unique jewelry . Susan has created some gorgeous peices for me and I would love for others to know of her special talents . She 'll have finsihed pieces as well as loose beads and stones for those who 'd like to make their own " custom " pieces . We 'll sip hot cider and much on some yummy fall snacks . If you are in the area please join us , this will be a fun day . I have a FULL week coming up so it is really important that I meet this last clearing hurdle . Its going to be a doozie , I can tell . To be honest , I 'd much rather take a nap . I am dragging today . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . so here I am rolling up my sleeves to reclaim the craft room . Wish me luck . If there are no further posts after today , you 'll know it was all just too much . I will have packed a small bag and flown to an island destination . Did you ever have a back - to - school assignment where you were asked to describe how you spent your summer ? Mine is a lot different from my school years , primarily because the word " boring " is no longer in my vocabulary . I can 't remember what it is like to have idle time . I 'd sum up my summer season with one word . . . . . . canning . Followed by , goats , foul , feeding pen cleaning , child care ( referee ) , cook , clean , laundry and support staff ( to a husband who hit the rodeo trail . ) If I were grading this paper , I 'd get a big red F for excitement , a B for productivity and an A for stress ! I 'm not sure it is actually a paper I 'd want to grade ; it could , however , be used to induce sleep ! I 've been feeling a bit frustrated that I hadn 't gotten much accomplished this summer . There was no completion in the basement , the big blue storage unit didn 't move one bit . I didn 't get the backyard landscaped and we barely got the lawn mowed ! I didn 't lay in the hammock one time , or sip a glass of wine on my garden bench . So where did my time go ? I canned . I started in June and I 'm still going . . . . We have an entire shelf full of green beans . It 's deep enough back that I cannot reach . We have bread and butter and kosher dill pickles , dill beans , green beans , tomato soup , chili base , pasta sauce , hot , medium and mild salsa and strawberry jalapeno jelly . I had to completely rearrange my storage room . That 's a good thing ! I have no idea what the exact jar count . . . . . I 'd say a lot ! I tend to be harder on myself than I probably should . I don 't know that there is any changing that , I 'm pretty set in my ways . I feel better , think better and relax more easily when I know that I 've met my goal for the day . In fact , I 've started keeping a journal of my activities to help me remember what I 've done each day . This is becoming a nice " nightly reflection " ritual . I have one room left to claim and then I will be writing about something lovely and wonderful . . . . and different than cleaning , canning and organizing . I 'm really looking forward to that ! And if I havePosted by I 've had a craving for pumpkin lately . . . which has led me to experiment ! Since I live a distance from any given gourmet coffee shop and the opportunity to buy fancy syrup , I reached into my spice cupboard to see what I could find . Pumpkin pie spice ! Here 's my latest concoction : 1 / 4th tsp pumpkin pie spice in bottom of coffee cup , 1 c . Very black coffee , ( my current fav , Dark Magic K - cup ) , 1 Tbs organic honey . Pour Goat 's milk to the brim , stir and enjoy . In short , pumpkin pie spice is a delicious addition . If you don 't care about calories , this would be scrumptious with a dollop of whip cream or . . . . . two , or three dollops ! In about 10 minutes you 'll feel ready to go clean out the storage room . Which is where I am headed now ! I needed a lotta lattes to get me going today . This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless ! To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www . verizonwireless . com / picture . Note : To play video messages sent to email , Quicktime @ 6 . 5 or higher is required . Well , he 's not really a cow dog but he sure thinks he is . I get a kick out of this little guy . He 's supposed to be a dainty lap dog by breed but he has the heart and drive of a collie . As soon as he hears the Ranger fire up , he 's up on the seat and ready to go . If he were to chase through the brambles and stickers as the Otis and Bo do , it would take until Christmas to get him clean . He is a sticker magnet ! I love that he loves me . He has no clue or sense about cows but he wants to be anywhere I am . That is THE trait I want in my dog ! Marley is adopted . His previous owner was unable to care for him . When his information came up on the screen , I had that instant flash of " he 's the ONE " ! We brought home last December . My first impression was the same as nearly everyone else 's . . . . . Chewbacca ! He was also quite shaggy so Bob Marley came to mind ( no offense Bob , I actually like your music ) . Max was also a name suggestion . I let the kids pick . It took him quite awhile to adjust . He was very timid and hid ( then again , I would 've too with three kids all wanting to pet me ! ) He had a few issues with p n p ( piddle n poo ) but a visit to the vet and a " snip , snip " cleared that right up . I did take a chance on the little guy and I 'm glad I did . He 's an excellent companion . He is my third adopted pooch . I 'm a huge proponent of rescue / adoption . What 's really interesting is just the year before , I was actually looking at buying a Shih Tzu , but had to decline . I had a two week old Otis to raise . ( See prior posts on his story ! ) So when I saw Marley 's info , I jumped at the chance to adopt . There are so many wonderful dogs and cats available that are ready for loving homes . If you 're looking for a pet , ask around , check your local shelter or contact a rescue volunteer . My dear friend , Ann , is an excellent resource . She helped us locate our first adoptee , Myah . Well , I 'm being summoned . We 're in the bottom of the canyon , driving cattle to their new home . We seem to have misplaced a cow ? Of coarse she knows where she is , but we do not ! AfPosted by I 'm late for an appointment . I 've been waiting behind this truck for five minutes . I find it interesting that my timing today could not be any more off . I 'm rethinking my choice to get out of bed . Seriously . It started with complications with my Verizon bill and waiting 45 minutes to get things set straight . Then I found out the carpet I 've had picked out is no longer available . Now , road construction and I 'm late . I can sure tell my ki energy number is now " in the center " of the stations . This could be a long month . Do ever have days like this ? What 's your best advice for keeping calm and . . . . sane ?
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Surviving Aplastic Anemia catapulted me into a life of constantly striving for adventure . After being told I was in remission , I started off with a big one - - hiking across the country with my mom in 2006 . That epic journey took us nine months to complete and was titled , " Our Hike " for Bone Marrow Disease . This blog is record of those adventures that shaped my life . . . and beyond . This is a long entry about our kitty , Rocko , who we had to put down on Saturday morning . It was a really difficult experience , so I 'm just going to tell it all . . . as therapy , maybe ? ? Anyway , you can read it if you like , that 's why it 's here . But if you want to skip most of the details , I 'm going to put a little section at the bottom of this blog with more pictures and a list of the some of the things we remember about Rocko the most . If anything , please read that and help us remember our sweet Rocko kitters . . . . : ) I think it was early October when our Rocko kitty started getting sick . . . everything happened so fast . He 's not quite 7 years old , so it didn 't seem like anything drastic should go wrong . When we first got our youngest ( 3rd ) kitty , Buckley , he had a sensitive stomach , so he threw up a lot . But we started giving him lamb & rice food , and he got better . So when Rocko started getting sick 3 times every single time he ate , I figured it was probably the same thing Buckley went through . We were working through the end of the bag of Iams we had , and we planned on switching his food or something . Then his messes turned pink , and we started to worry . I read up online , and his symptoms said it was probably just an ulcer , which could be fixed . So Adam and I planned on bringing him to the vet right after we got home from Padre . We weren 't too concerned yet . The vet first thought maybe it was an allergy to his food , or something food related , just as we thought . So we switched his food to a special , mild food from the vet 's office , and sprinkled some pro - biotic on it so he wouldn 't get the runs from the cold turkey food - switch . We also started giving him pills ( which he HATED , of course ) for the vomiting . He stopped eating , and we thought it was the powder pro - biotic he didn 't like . So we tried the food without it , and he still wouldn 't eat much . We kept trying , and wondered why he got so fussy with his food so suddenly . But we continued his pills and gave him Pepcid AC , as directed by our vet . Meanwhile , the vet had Posted by My morning commute to work is a 3 - mile walk . Today I didn 't want to stop walking . I wanted to keep going and just see where the day would 've taken me . The sky was cloudy , the air was on the verge of drizzly , with just the soft touch of a breeze . These days pick me up in a whirlwind and throw me back in time , right down on the trail somewhere a couple of years ago on a hiking trail . It could be Southern Illinois on the River to River Trail . Or maybe it was on a stormy mountain top above the treeline in Colorado . If I could just keep walking . . . I wonder how far I would get , or how long I would go . . . before I needed my family , or my friends . I don 't know that anything else could really stop me or get me to turn around . If I could go home , throw on my backpack and just go . . . How far could I get ? How far would I go ? I wonder where I 'd end up setting up my tent tonight ? I wonder where I 'd filter water ? Or would I come across a convenience store in the late afternoon and fill my water bladder in their bathroom sink ? Would I wake up tomorrow morning to a brisk November frost ? Would I start out hiking on crunchy , frozen leaves ? Would my breath softly throw a cloud in front of my face at a gentle pace as I cut through the chilly air ? I wish I could just go . I wish one day I could just keep walking and see where it takes me . It actually hurts my bones to think that I may never have the right circumstances . . . It 's still a beautiful dream , and thinking about being there puts me at peace , if only for a short while . I 've gotten busy and fell behind on my blogging again , darn it ! I wanted to write a short entry about my and Adam 's trip to Padre in October before I forget everything ! Overall , for driving 6 out of the 10 days , I 'm happy to say the trip was mostly uneventful , but still very nice . We went to South Padre Island last year to drive Adam 's Grandma down there . She 's always wintered down there with Adam 's Grandpa , but he passed away the summer before last , and since a 28 - hour trip is a lot for any one person , she was looking for someone to drive her down . She wanted to stay down there all winter , so we drove her down , hung out with her on the island for a few days , then she flew us home . Adam 's sister flew down later and drove her home . It worked out pretty nicely , but this year , she only wanted to go down for a week to check on the condo and make sure everything was okay . So we drove both ways . We left Friday morning from Phillips in Adam 's Grandma 's van . Adam drove for most of it , but I jumped in a few times when he was tired . Adam brought some books on tape , so those actually kept our minds pretty occupied the entire trip down . We would drive until 8 or 9PM , get a room at a Super 8 or something similar , get up early and hit the road again . I was trying to eat as healthy as I could , and I started out doing pretty well . It 's never easy travelling like that . My taste buds were really craving greasy burgers and milkshakes , but the 3 days ' drive down to the island , I was able to ignore my tongue and get some light chicken wraps instead of the burgers , and drink lots of water . But the minute I hit the island I went crazy . We ate out a lot , and portions were barely considered . It was kind of fun to let go and get what I wanted for a few days , but I paid for it . The trip back kicked my butt . I think I was just sitting on my rear in a car too long , I didn 't have enough water intake and ate too much crappy food . My body was in shock ! When I got home , I knew I was having trouble with water retention . My ankPosted by Wow . Deep thoughts today . I have these a lot , and it feels really good to write them out . I might do this more often . The following thoughts were inspired by 2 songs . Song titles , lyrics and my drifting thoughts are below : Song # 1 - - " Running to Stand Still " by U2And so she woke upfrom where she was lying stillSaid we got to do something about where were goingStep on a steam trainStep out of the driving trainMaybe run from the darkness in the nightSinging ha la la la de daySinging ha la la la de daySweet the sinBut the bitter taste in my mouthI see seven towersBut I only see one way outYou got to cry without weepingTalk without speakingScream without raising your voice , you knowI took the poison , from the poison stream , Then I floated out of hereSinging ha la la la de daySinging ha la la la de dayShe runs through the streetsWith her eyes painted redUnder black belly of cloud in the rainIn through a doorway she brings meWhite gold and pearls stolen from the seaShe is ragingShe is raging and the storm blows up in her eyesShe will suffer the needle chillShe is running to stand stillThoughts : This song is actually about drugs , but I find comfort in the title , because I often find myself feeling like I 'm running to stand still . I 'm never sure if I want to be staying or going . Do I want to drift , or settle ? What are my options with all the circumstances in my life ? I lean towards settling so I don 't lose some of the most important things and people in my life , yet I dream of drifting off to other places and exploring life . It 's a battle I will probably always be fighting . I love my life , and this is kind of a difficult part of it , but it also keeps it on edge . If everything were perfect , I 'd most likely be bored . I guess what I love so much about music , is you can take the lyrics and find a way to apply them to your own life . A lot of the lines from this song lean towards the drugs topic , but " poison " doesn 't necessarily have to be a drug . I love the line , " We got to do something about where we 're goingPosted by Well , I 've been a slacker . I didn 't blog about the Dragon Boat races or the 1 / 2 marathon ( that I ended up not running ) . The Dragon Boats were a lot of fun , as expected . We didn 't do quite as well as we had hoped , but it was still a blast . The 4imprint team paddled 3 races . We placed 2nd in our first race , 4th in our second race , and 1st in our last race . . . but it wasn 't enough to make it to the finals . We did end up winning an award for the best supporting team for pledges , though . That was pretty nice . I didn 't run the 1 / 2 marathon . I 'm a little disappointed in myself , but I 'm trying to not be so hard on myself about it . I really wanted to give it a shot , but I was kind of nervous that after a very full day at the Dragon Boat races , I 'd be pretty exhausted . Whenever I tell myself that , I get angry with myself for letting an excuse stand in the way of a potential accomplishment . I could 've tried . . . instead I chose to go out for drinks after the Dragon Boat Races . BUT - - it was a really good time with great friends , and we had a REALLY fun time ! So it 's all good . I decided I would plan to run a FULL marathon next year . I already have reminders set in my calendar as to when I need to start training . I believe it will be in May . In July next year , I am planning on through - hiking the Tahoe Rim Trail with a friend ( Ken ) that I met through my friend , Pam . . . I hope she joins us on the TRT hike , too ! ! : ) That is the only 2 weeks I am going to have to work my marathon training around . I hope I can pull that one off . I 'm already trying to psych myself up for the long runs , hard training and strict schedules . It 's going to be a challenge , that 's for sure ! 26 . 2 miles . . . yikes ! I 'm also planning on doing the Frozen Otter again in January . I look forward to finding another weekend that I can hit the Kettle Moraine area for another super - long day hike to prep a little for that . I just purchased and emergency bivy for the occasion so I don 't have to carry along my entire tent ( we are required to carry a shelter ) . Other than that , huPosted by Oh , man . . . I had some terrible dreams last night ! I woke up gasping after the first one , which was a typical weird dream . I was at the Dragon Boat races ( which I 'll blog about later ) . But something went terribly wrong , so Adam and my dad jumped into a boat - - I think it was an effort to save somebody 's life , but I can 't remember details . . . I do remember feeling a heightened sense of urgency and fear , though . While the guys did that , my mom and I set off on a different " mission " , which was also very urgent . Again , I can 't remember details , but we head away from the water . I wish I could remember what was all happening around us . We found out a short while after leaving my dad and Adam that the boat tipped over in some rough water . . . maybe the " thing " that went terribly wrong was some sort of strange , sudden bad weather ? Well , the boats tipped over in torrent waters , and both Adam and my dad drowned , and I was able to actually see them screaming and trying to stay afloat . They had on red life jackets , but couldn 't stay above water . I don 't know if something was pulling them under or what . But then it got quiet and I saw them both floating face down , and the water went calm . I was hysterically crying in my dream , almost hyperventilating when I found out , and I suddenly found myself all alone . I don 't know where my mom went . The next thing I remember is walking back to my apartment , alone , trying to decide what to do . I think I began to feel angry , and the only peace I could find was in the thought that I could put on my backpack and just disappear . Then I started to think about Adam and my dad and how much I already missed them , and that 's when I woke up . I rolled over and squeezed Adam so hard he probably missed a couple of breaths , even with his CPAP machine on . . . I was so glad to have woken up and realized it was all just a terrible dream . Then I fell back asleep and had another one ! ! This time I was backpacking . I was sharing a tent with a girl that I don 't know . She had long , brown hair and braces , and was wearing a Posted by Here 's a picture of me , Hickory and my mom Friday night ( 9 - 12 ) camping on the Ice Age Trail . So many laughs were had while sharing stories from the hike . . . and a few Newcastles . . . which we were just fine carrying in and out of the woods ! ! : ) A quick recap - - when my mom and I hiked into Indiana on " Our Hike " across America on the American Discovery Trail in 2006 , we met Hickory . He heard about us walking through his area from his wife , who was working at the local radio station at the time . Our story of walking from Ohio into Indiana is one of my very favorite stories from the hike . . . I 'll have to get into that more some other time ! So Hickory got a ride out looking for us , and when he found us , he got dropped off and hiked with us that whole day . We immediately found that our sense of humor was similar . . . lots of pootin ' , tootin ' and pooin ' talk with many laughs to follow . : ) As we parted ways that day , Hickory said , " I 'll be seeing you ladies again ! Maybe the mountains . . . " We thought , " Sure . . . we 'll see ! " Well , when we started getting closer to Denver , Hickory called and said he was flying out to meet us near Georgetown , CO ! ! He had 2 weeks . We were very excited to have some company , and honestly , a bit of a distraction after a very mentally challenging Kansas and E . CO ( although we LOVED it ! ! ) . We looked forward to hooking back up with him . Hickory has also section - hiked the Appalachian Trail , so we knew that there were going to be tons of fun stories for us all to share . This is another fun story to share . . . so many stories from when Hickory hiked with us those 2 weeks ! It was hard to say good - bye to him , but he was a great person to have . It was perfect timing for both mom and I . I was always pushing to stay on schedule , and mom was having a hard time acclimating . Hickory got me to relax somehow . I think one day he said something like , " Look around . You 're in the Rocky Mountains . Slow down a little and enjoy it . " I thought about that for a little bit and decided he was right . We did what we could each day , but Posted by The Fundraiser , September 6 , 2008 Well , all in all , it was a really fun day . Each year we seem to get more figured out , and everything seems to run just a little smoother . We had about 20 registered hikers , and at the end ( Lost Vega 's Resort ) we had a lot more people join us for the dinner , music and raffles . We raised $ 1 , 000 that will be sent to the Aplastic Anemia & MDS International Foundation ! Mom and I fell a little behind on the advertising this year , so we were happy with that amount , considering we had a smaller crowd . We are already excited for next year and planning on ways to spread the word even more . We hope to make these numbers grow each year . So please mark your calendars and join us next year for the 5th Annual " Our Hike " for Bone Marrow Disease Saturday , September 12 , 2009 ! Since it 'll be the 5th Annual hike , we 're hoping to make it a special one ! ! How about a recap and some stories from the day ? We started with a new route this year that I think we will continue to use on future hikes . On previous years , we trekked for 12 . 5 - miles on a paved road with about 5 stops along the way . This was fun , but made for a very long day and got a little overwhelming by the end of the night . This year we shortened everything up and we thought it was much more enjoyable . We started at The Corner Connection where the hikers registered . Each paid registrant received an " Our Hike " logo 'd sportpack and bandana donated by 4imprint , a bottle of water , a frisbee , and some informational brochures about the AA & MDSIF and bone marrow diseases . Each paid registrant 's name was also entered in a drawing for a really nice travel backpack full of goodies like a hydration pack , mess kit , snacks , tent lantern , hiking socks and a Swiss Army knife . ( Picture above , L - R : Patty , Kelly and Robin . Kelly was the winner of the backpack raffle ) We all filled up on a ham sandwich and potato chip lunch special , and head out at about 1 : 00pm . The first section of the walk was about 1 / 2 - mile country road walk . From there we turned onto the brand - Robin Grapa A personal best ! A record - mileage dayhike ! Question and answer for the day : What 's worse than hiking through swarms and swarms of relentless mosquitoes ? Forgetting your mosquito repellent . . . I put up a challenge for myself . I don 't know if I 'm crazy , or what the deal is , but every once in a while , I think I just like to test myself to see where I 'm at physically . I completed the Frozen Otter , the 1 / 2 distance trek of 32 miles in 12 hours , in January 2008 . This was the farthest I 've " hiked " in one day , ever . It was a really cool moment when I finished . That race took a lot . I was actually talking to myself for the last few hours of that trek , just to make it to the finish . But I made it in about 11 hours and 57 minutes - - JUST under the 12 hours , so I made it as a " finisher . " I was thrilled ! Since it was a holiday 3 - day weekend , I figured it would be a perfect time to see if I could beat my " record " of 32 miles - - I 'd have 2 whole days to recover ! I had much better conditions this weekend than I did on the Frozen Otter . . . which is mostly at night , in the freezing cold winter weather . So I was feeling confident that I could do it . The Northern Unit of Kettle Moraine offers some brutal trails , too . They are very challenging . There are a lot of short , steep hills with a lot of rocks and roots to work around . In the back of my head , I wanted to make 50 miles , but I knew that would be pretty difficult . . . I set my 3 goals , as I usually do . Goal 1 was to complete 32 miles , from the northern trailhead ( Hwy P ) to the southern trailhead ( Hwy H ) Goal 2 was to go farther than 32 - - anything over that would be a personal best . Goal 3 was to make it back to Butler Lake , which would be 48 miles . I even thought about pushing for 50 if I made it 48 . . . but I had to wait and see if I could make it THAT far . Adam and I woke up at about 2AM Saturday morning , and he made me a great high - calorie breakfast . We got going at about 3AM , drove to the Butler Lake parking lot , where I hid a bag with some lunch goodies for when I got there . Then we drPosted by
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One of eBay 's most under - appreciated sales tools is the Best Offer option on Fixed Price and Store listings . Why ? If Buyers and Sellers would just follow a few simple Best Practices for using it to its best advantage , it can really benefit both parties . Buyers get bargains , and Sellers move merchandise . Here 's how it works : When listing a Fixed Price or Store item , the Seller has the option of allowing Buyers to submit their Best Offer ( just check the box that says " Allow buyers to submit their Best Offers for your consideration . " under the text box where you put in the price on the Sell Your Item form ) . Buyers can do so by clicking the blue Make Offer button on the Fixed Price or Store listing page . The Seller then has 48 hours in which to accept the offer , decline the offer , or make a counteroffer , at which point the Buyer then has 48 hours to accept the counteroffer , decline the counteroffer , or make a counter - counteroffer . In any case , once that 48 hours is up , or if the item ends in the meantime , or if another Best Offer is accepted , yours will expire . Buyers can make up to three offers per item . BEST OFFER FOR BUYERS ( SELLERS TAKE NOTE ) First of all , you must understand that if you as a Buyer don 't take advantage of the Best Offer option , then you 're leaving money on the table . Seeing that blue " Make Offer " button is like a red flag stating that the Seller is willing to be negotiable on their price . Of course , Sellers love it when Buyers don 't use Best Offer for whatever reason , because it 's that much more money in the bank . So if you feel compelled to pay the full Fixed Price for whatever reason - or you 're afraid to make an offer because someone else might snatch up your coveted item in the meantime - then by all means , please buy it now . But it really does pay to make that Best Offer first . Second , be aware that most Sellers jack up their Buy - It - Now price by some margin so as to leave some haggling room . I 've even heard from quite a few who double it . That seems a little extreme , but it should leave Posted by Our Fearless Leader Beth posted an interesting article from the New York Times today which referenced some of the effects from our American problems into the slums around Tegucigalpa , Honduras . This is a place that is close to my heart . I 've accompanied large groups of mission minded teenagers from around the USA to Teguc , as we referred to it , twice . This is a quote from one of those teens , " " I went to Honduras to work with the poor and learned that I am the poor one . What we did was easy . What we experienced was God 's infinite ability to provide in every circumstance . God is amazing . " From this group of Christian missionaries has grown another charity , one that reaches out only and especially to the WOMEN of Honduras . This group is known as ' Mi Esperanza ' which translates to ' My Hope ' in English . And after all , isn 't HOPE truly the one thing every Human being needs , and deserves ? Please , check out Mi Esperanza - learn how they offer HOPE to the women and children of the slums of Tegucigalpa and watch Kat 's Kloset for ways you can help them ! Posted by Christmas Cookie Rules . . . 1 . If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven , it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test cookie and thus calorie free . 2 . If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie , it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories . 3 . If a friend comes over while you 're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample , you must sample with your friend . Because your friend 's first cookie , it is calories free , ( rule # 1 ) yours is also . It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and , being the friend that you are , that makes your cookie calorie free . 4 . Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move . This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass . 5 . Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue . 6 . Cookies colored red or green have very few calories . Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter . Make more red ones ! 7 . Cookies eaten while watching " Miracle on 34th Street " have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one 's personal fuel . 8 . As always , cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage . 9 . Any cookies consumed from someone else 's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate . We all know how calories like to CLING ! 10 . Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories . It 's a rule ! So , go out and enjoy those Christmas Cookies - we only get them this this time of year ! Let it snow , let it snow let it snow ! Wow , it 's coming down out there fast and furious . I live in East Liverpool Ohio , & it 's pretty much a white wonderland . Jimmy had to take the truck to work , so he 's stressing . Van 's broke down ; same / same ! It 'll do him good to drive the truck ; then maybe he 'll fix it , too ! I have called and called people for help with the house situation , but NO ONE will return my calls ! The Salvation Army ; Community Action Agency ; Catholic Charities ; Fish ; Ohio Dept . of Welfare . . . It 's as if I do not exist . People I have known for years , friends I made online , even my family . I realize it 's the holidays , but I 'm in dire straights here ! Faulty electric , no gas ; couldn 't use the furnace even IF the gas was on . ? ! I sure would love to see any of these people have to deal with my life for one day . I wonder if they lived in fear , even overnight , like I have for a month , would they answer my calls , then ? We are using Kerosene heaters , which are making me ill . ( I have COPD ) . We have electric heaters , but what can we do if the electricity goes ? Not to mention the fact you CAN NOT put an electric heater in the basement . How else am I to keep this woman 's pipes from freezing ? . . . The way the breaker box is , would YOU trust it ? I think not ! Only one of my relatives has tried to help . She did exactly what I asked . . . leads . I truly appreciate it . BUT , that 's one in how many ? Well , my dad 's mom had 14 kids ! You figure I got a LOT of relatives , huh ? I am 50 , Jimmy 's 55 . Our respective parents are gone . Half of his family are gone . I tried to contact the rest of mine for leads , and all I got was an email from one telling me they could not help because they where helping their kids & 13 grandchildren ! ALL I WANTED was 10 minutes of their time . Talk to some friends , a few acquaintances , and ask if anyone knew of a safe place we could rent ; a room ? An efficiency apartment ; an old trailer ? BUT , like everyone else , these people who are supposed to love me , seems to have deserted me . Like I said , only two answered myIt does no good to go to the hospital . I have no insurance . I have no money . Believe me , there is a BIG difference in how you are treated when you can pay . Been there . Around here you need money even to go to a health clinic . They say God does everything for a reason , that we need to be patient . Give our troubles to him and forget them . But how ? How do I just forget the electric might go and not come back on ? How do I forget the terror of the fire where I lost so much ? How do I put this in his hands and forget it 's cold here ? How do I forget I can 't use the stove and lights at the same time ? Can anyone tell me how ? I have even called / emailed churches for help . . . no answer , not even a sorry no funds ; info ? ! One of my friends wants me to stay in this house and fight my LL . Well , I 'm fighting , but I sure as hell would like to do it from some place SAFE ! She will fix this house . BUT , I have to move for any work to BE done ; and so far there is no place to go . I love my friends , but where are they ? Where 's all the people I have helped through the years ? I took in strays ; baby sat for days on end ; helped raise a bunch of kids ; I fed armies of people ; I 've listened and been so many peoples free psychiatrist . . . so , where is my turn ? Guess I don 't get one ? Copyright 2009 Maria Soto RobbinsThanks for reading and following my blog and checking my online ebay and etsy stores . For all your kind comments and helpful advice throughout the year , which I truly appreciate ! Wishing all of you a wonderful holiday , filled with peace , joy and love this season and throughout this coming year ! cariños , Maria Soto RobbinsMiami , Flmsr107 @ gmail . comMy Etsy & Ebay Stores will be closed from December 17 through January 2 , 2010 . Posted by I lost a glove yesterday and it made me sad because I knew I couldn 't replace it . I 've had this pair of gloves for years . It 's one of those tiny gloves , one size fits all . They look like a child 's glove , but they expand to fit an adult small . I really liked them and now one is gone . It was lost because I took less care of them than I had in previous years . It was housed in a different sweater and the pockets weren 't as deep as my old faithful sweater I 'd put aside for some repairs . I 'd put both gloves in one small pocket instead of putting one glove in each side . One day last week it had fallen out and I 'd noticed it and picked it up , but yet I stuffed it back in that same small , shallow pocket , forgot about it and now it 's gone ; probably forever . Did you ever think that your friendship for someone is like that glove ? You 've had it for years . It kept you warm when life was cold . You 've had fun while you 've worn it - you 've been happy and sad . All that time it 's been with you like a faithful companion . Now it 's gone , lost , maybe forever and you 're cold . It would have still been keeping you warm if you 'd paid attention to it - but you didn 't . You took it for granted that it would always be there ; just like it always had been . You pushed it to the side when you didn 't need it . You stuffed it in a pocket thinking you could drag it out when you needed it , but you didn 't care to see that it was safely taken care of and now it 's not there . A little extreme ? Maybe , but while you have a chance , take that friendship out of your pocket , dust it off and wear it again . Give them a call , send an email or card , go somewhere together . Now , if you keep wearing those gloves and taking care of them , they will be there with you for years to come - during the hard times and the happy times they 'll be there . Don 't keep your friends stuffed away in a long forgotten pocket . You might just find one of them missing the next time you need one . North Carolina pottery is pretty much an easy sell . North Carolina is home to the only continuing pottery tradition in the United States outside the Native American tradition of the Southwest . The pottery tradition dates back to the colonial days when early settlers quickly found that the clay - laden soil was an excellent resource for pottery wares . Probably the most notable pottery name associated with North Carolina is Seagrove . . . . which is a location rather than the name of a potter . It 's a small , somewhat rural area located south of Asheboro and Greensboro and it 's home to several world renown potters such as Owens , Teague , Jugtown and Cole . Just 100 miles due west of Seagrove is the Catawba Valley , the site of North Carolina 's other great pottery tradition . During the 18th century , numerous families , most of German origin , settled what are now Lincoln and Catawba Counties in the western Piedmont . The Catawba River encircles this region , and its South Fork , which meanders through the heart of both counties , has provided superb clays for the potters ' wheels . The regional style of pottery in North Carolina began as a simple difference between cultures . In the mountains , the Cherokee and the Catawba Indians tribes , both native to North Carolina , have been making pottery distinctive to their own tribes for centuries . The Catawba , known as the river people , use a type of pit - firing and burnishing that makes their products shine , and they also imprinted animal designs on their work . The Cherokee used a paddle to imprint designs on their pottery . In the Piedmont , a Moravian settler named Gottfried Aust ( 1722 - 88 ) , from Bethlehem , Pennsylvania , brought pottery to the Winston - Salem region in the latter half of the 18th century . In order to protect themselves from Indian attack , the Moravians began selling their wares in 1761 , primarily to introduce trade with the Indians and also to attract the attention of other settlers . The Moravians were more creative than the British North Carolina folk potters . Whereas the North Carolina potters produced predominantly earthenware and later stoneware , the Moravians provided English cream ware , a form of earthenware , and introduced stoneware to the Salem region in 1774 . British potters , who moved into North Carolina through the Shenandoah Valley , introduced stoneware to Randolph County . British and European potters brought salt glazing to North Carolina in the 1700s . Salt was one of the region 's earliest and most popular glazes . Other potters used a lead glaze to make earthenware watertight . As potters began shifting to stoneware production , the differences between British and German pottery became more pronounced , as did the regions they inhabited . By 1850 , Randolph County was the center of salt - glazed stoneware , and Lincoln County primarily sold alkaline - glazed stoneware . Do a completed item search on eBay and you will find a kaleidoscope of pottery pieces from North Carolina . Anything from antique utensils to ugly face jugs , to more modern forms in texture and glazes will show up . People from all over the U . S . buy NC pottery and if you are in a position to buy one piece or an entire collection for the right kind of money , do it ! You will get your money back and more . I have been selling online since 2003 and have seen many changes happen since then and wonder what the future holds . I started to sell on Ebay and things were pretty simple you put up an item and often had many bids and it was exciting to watch an item sell . I also sell on Amazon and Bonanzle . Things today are not the same and more and more people are selling online including all the big stores that were only brick and mortar stores years ago . I think anyone and everyone now has some kind of presence online and is selling something . How do you make yourself stand out in the crowd ? That brings me to the question of how important is networking in this new world of online selling ? I believe that it is very important and is the same as word of mouth referral in the brick and mortar world . My next question is how much and how often do you network ? This blog is one way our group of online sellers network and we all post on many different topics and it helps our online presence . Some of us have joined paid membership sites to learn and grow our businesses such as OSI Rock Stars and Web Sellers ' Circle . Many of us have our own website including blogs with our businesses names , we Twitter , use Facebook and any other way we can to add to our network and generate sales . There are many ways to track the traffic to your online venues and see what networking works the best for you but that is another post for another day . If you take a look through this post you will see how I used my links in the post to show you how easy it is to network . Today there is no excuse not to be doing some type of networking . Woot . com , amazon 's Daily Deal , ebay 's Daily Deal and now . . . . . a Cow ? A Cow ? Yep , a COW ! introducing . . . Matty ! THIS is Matty and Matty now brings you a Fantastic new Daily Deal Site , just in time for Christmas ! So add Matty 's site to your Daily Deals Checklist and Bag more Deals ! Hello Folks ! I 've been really busy with life . . . had the gas shut off & have to fight to get it turned back on . . . still fighting , but looks good . I 've been reading & commenting on our local news paper , & writing , calling & generally raising Cain with our reps in Washington . No one should have to go without heat in this day & age . I 've called everyone , even the PUCO . . . but that 's for another blog post . For now , I 'm winning & I 'm selling . . . so ? Wish me luck ! This created a need for immediate cash . It just so happened that in that same time frame , a friend of mine saw this cute dog sweater & wanted me to make it for her Chihuahua . I made it , & a blanket . She came & got it while I was gone , so I did not get pictures . Another friend saw hers & wanted one , so . . . yep , I decided to make a few & list them on Bonanzle . 3 friends later & STILL no pictures of a REAL dog wearing my creations . Then , I decided to show one to my " nephew " Cesar 's mommy . She loved it ! ( of course LOL ) Now , Cesar Romero is 7 months of the cutest Chihuahua I 've seen in a long time , & he loves his aunt Shell . See the pics ? That 's him looking cute in his black & cream sweater . Cesar does not mind his sweater , his mommy says it 's ' cause it does not rub him under his front legs . I love them ' cause they are a snap to make , which means I can pass on some savings to my buyers . Yet , these are also completely customizable to the type / size of your pet . I love dogs of all sizes , and most of them love me , so this is close to my heart . I 'll be making all sorts of clothes for pets soon . But until then , there 's the sweaters , & the blanket . See how thick it is ? Yet , it 's light weight & easy to wash ; which makes it an excellent travel blankie ! Soon , very soon , I 'll have pics of Cesar 's mom & sis in their own sweaters . You 'll have to go to Bonanzle to see them , though . I 'll have some Christmas stuff like this set of pot holders & Christmas sweaters . All these are customizable to your needs , too . Now , my daughter & grand are moving , so I 'll be busy packing for them . It 's bitter sweet for Jimmy & I ; we get more alone time , but we 'll see less of Eva & Jae : > ( . . . but , she has a good job & a chance at an even better one ! Something we do NOT have in our area . ) Each year for my holiday gift giving , I buy things throughout the year so that I really don 't have to do marathon shopping after Thanksgiving . Everything is even gift - wrapped and under the tree when December 1st comes around . Not this year though ! The holiday season has crept up on me and this is different from my usual way of doing things . This year is also different in that I 've joined the Online Business Success Yahoo group since I know I need to do a lot more with my online stores . And this group has some wonderful members who are always willing to help with encouragement , information , and help with all kinds of online / offline related problems ! So , it 's only right that I 'd go shopping for some of my Christmas gifts from some of the stores represented from this awesome group . For my husband who absolutely loves a good history book , I know he would enjoy " MacArthur , His Rendezvous with History " from Momsbks on Amazon . For my son who is a budding photographer , I know he would love Shell Russell 's photo poster of the Highlandtown Lake at SunsetShe 's such a gifted photographer ! Check it out here . For my stepson who has hundreds of die cast collectible cars , he would love Beth Cherkowsky 's listing from Depression Glass WarehouseFor my brother , the fine wine connoisseur , a couple of lovely brandy snifters from Sushiboofay 's . For my sister - in - law who is one of the best hostesses I know and has gorgeous Christmas china , I 'd choose Katarina 's Very Desperate Housewife 's Pfaltzgraff serving platter . I know she 'd love it ! Ok , for me … I just love Kat 's Closet , switchflops in cork . Wow , these are so versatile and soooo cute ! It 's not too late or , should I say , too early to start my Christmas shopping this week ! Well Fall is here and of course I know why they call it FALL . Every leaf from every tree in the neighborhood seems to FALL and find it 's way into MY Yard ! I only have a 3 / 4 acre but every blasted inch of it is covered with leaves from Maple Trees , Oak Trees and every tall piece of Bark within 1 / 2 mile from me I swear it 's True . So today , since it 's about 45 - 50 degrees here in Eastern Ct where I live , and NOT raining , I decided it was time to get rid of the mess out there . So I go out to the Garage to get the Leaf Blower / Vacuum Mulcher that I bought 10 years ago when we bought the house . Now , every Fall for 10 years , the old Black & Decker has served me well . It has the Bag with a shoulder strap that catches all the chopped up leaves after I Vacuum them up . When it 's Full I then empty them into a Large Compost area down in the corner of the Back Yard that we 've been filling for the Garden area . So I 've got the machine ready and now I have to get the 75 foot extension cord out . Now I don 't know how many times I 've asked my husband to please leave my Gardening / Landscaping tools alone . I , By My Choice , do all the Landscaping here . I have all my equiptment in one area of the garage so I know right where to find them . WRONG ! I guess he needed one of the Cords for the Halloween displays and lo and behold did he put it back where he found it ? NO of course NOT ! Now I waste 10 more minutes looking for the Darned extension Cord . Finally find it , down in the basement ? ? Why was it there . . Only he knows . . Ok so I 've got the cord , bring it outside , plug in the Machine and NOTHING ! ! ! It 's DEAD ! Ugh ! Now I start messing with the switch , and checking the plug , and changing extension Cords to NO AVAIL . . : < ( So I 'm staring at a Yard Full of Leaves , and a Leaf Blower gone to Landscaping Heaven . . So the only solution is to get in my Car and head to Home Depot to hopefully find a new Machine . Well this is the only Good Part of the whole day so far . Well except for the part that I woke up this morning to see my Darling husbands smiling face , which Posted by So it begins with what should have been a relatively easy gallbladder removal . I had already been told by 2 GI specialists and a surgeon that it had to come out . I am not a fan of doctors or hospitals . . . . especially surgery , but they convinced me that the situation was dire . Two separate HIDI scans could not even find my gallbladder as it was filled with so many stones . I didn 't have a choice . I am all set , get to the hospital 40 miles away at 6 : 30am , surgery set for 7 : 30am , they are telling me I 'll be back home by 1 : 00 pm the same day . At 2 : 30pm that afternoon I open my eyes and all I could see were white lab coats with Critical Care embroidered on them . I shut my eyes and go back to sleep . . . . . until the people wearing those white lab coats began to shake me , call my name , rub my shoulders , they didn 't want me to sleep . I came to my senses enough to listen to the talk around me which included several critical care doctors , an anthestheolgist , my surgeon , and a host of nurses and other people I didn 't know . . . . and I immediately took a disliking to each of them . As it was explained to me I died several times on the operating room table , I simply quit breathing , and they continued to bring me back . Afterward , they could not get me out of the anesthesia . So they administered an anesthesia block and several breathing treatments to get me out of the anesthesia and it still wasn 't working . Since it was now about 3 : 30pm I knew I would not be home by 1 : 00pm . I was half dead , in pain , could not make my mind work well enough to carry on a simple conversation . . . . . yet , I lay in my hospital bed worried to death about my DSR stars , especially my shipping DSR star . Not even death , nor how close I had come to facing it , or how badly I felt were thoughts that were a thousand miles away . . . . but my DSRs were first and foremost on my mind . eBay has put the hoedy - doe , a curse , the evil - eye , a black magic spell on all sellers to maintain only 4s and 5s - - or no 1s and 2s - - within their star ratings . Instead of my being concerned about my lack of well - being , I was worried about my sales and not getting the items shipped that afternoon , or the next , or the next , or the next . . . . . . or the next . Now tell me how insane it is that eBay has forced us to maintain a DSR count to the extent that nothing else in life matters . I know that 's an extreme statement but it 's true . I detest the DSR system of rating a seller and the horrible stress it places on us . I came home four days later , on a Saturday afternoon , to several sales that should have already been shipped . Because it was Saturday I still could not ship until Monday . I wrote letters of apology and included a small gift in each package for being tardy with my shipping . I lost my Top Seller Rating Badge although my dashboard reflects that I still have it . I have talked with eBay twice to find out where the badge went that is supposed to show on my listings and they don 't have an answer . So I will have to patiently wait until it pops back up again . . . . . maybe next year sometime ? I learned my lesson the hard way about being prepared . I should have put my eBay store on vacation the week prior and I should not have had any current auction listings in the event my surgery didn 't go as planned . Even though my doctors and surgeon assured me that everything was going to be just fine - - that I would be home the same day , and that I would be able to function quite normally within 24 hours - - I quickly found out how wrong those doctors were . The moral of my story is this : no matter what , if you are going to be out of place and know in advance , make preparations to put your eBay store on vacation . Do something with your current auction listings in advance . Do what you have to do to protect yourself in the event that some little something gets in the way of your plans . Those DSR stars * must * be the center of your universe or else you 'll pay . In several different ways . Our home here on the web has quite a talented and varied group of authors that have become like family . We all sell a variety of items and on a variety of venues and help and support each other all we can . We laugh together and celebrate our successes and help each other through our disappointments . I am very proud to be part of our wonderful online family . We also have a some of our members in need of prayers right now and we do all we can to help each other through these difficult times . We all are gearing up for our Christmas holiday season on eBay , Amazon , Bonanzle , Ecrater , ioffer and many other places . This time of year we are like Santa 's elves busily adding stock daily to all our venues for your holiday shopping . In the coming days you will see posts from our online family sharing their items for sale and often the stories that go along with them . Please stop by The Book Corner Cafe and check out some of our items for sale this holiday season . Posted by Happy Halloween ! I couldn 't wait for Halloween the day with all the books . NOT candy . Today is my favorite Book Sale . I wait all year for this day . I haven 't gone to many sales this year with my plentiful inventory so this is a treat . The day started out with terrible gale winds and rain . Right off Lake Ontario and they kept up all day . ( Just heard it 's raining down in Philly for the series ) See this rain won 't leave all our special events . Should I also mention , Go Yankees ! I left for the sale at 8ish , had to stop at my little one man post office in Dexter , NY to mail two books from yesterday . " Travels With Charlie " and " They Came To a River " darn Post office doesn 't open till 9 : 00 . Ok can 't wait , off to the sale to back track to mail before noon when it 's closed . Sale starts at 9 : 00 and I 'm running a little late , wish this wind and rain would stop . No parking spots left in front and I 'm not parallel parking in an almost spot . Wait for a traffic light , park down the block in a municipal lot . Money in pocket , keys and cell in another pocket , purse locked in the trunk . Lug back up to library . I 'm a little further back than usual . About body number 25 . I see some familiar faces , checking to see who 's a seller and who 's a shopper . Then there are those people who budge . Guy behind me said " they need a book of etiquette " , I agreed because I 'm not that close . either . Twenty minutes to wait and counting . The wind has umbrellas turning inside out . Yeah , we are in ! I can 't believe some people actually stopped to hang up their coats , no sense of urgency . Better for me ! I head for the children 's room with my two big canvas boat bags . It didn 't even take an hour to fill them . Sat in the corner on the floor to reevaluate my finds , removed a few , repacked the bags and wondered if I could lift them and make it to the car . What a deal all books are . 25 cents . I spent $ 13 . 50 . They had cd 's , dvds , and more . I stuck to books . Think I found a few goodies I always do . One year I bought a Hobbit bPosted by Should you or shouldn 't you ? Open an eBay store , I mean . Many eBay experts or gurus would tell you no , or to wait until your inventory reaches a certain number . I used to be one of them . However , a special lady has really changed my mind and opened my eyes to the incredible VALUE of an eBay store . Janelle Elms , of OSI Rock Stars has taught me many , many things . To date , this shift in how I see an eBay store is probably one of the top three . I 've been ' shopping ' for an ecommerce store for several years . I 've had an Amazon webstore , an Auctiva eCommerce store , a BISI store through InkFrog , a MailCar store , an independent site through GoDaddy and probably several other efforts I don 't remember , LOL . John Lawson , on his BS Walks show today encouraged us to get thoroughly comfortable marketing and selling on eBay before we ' took off the training wheels ' and started an ecommerce site . I think John is 150 % right and I 'm not sure if it would ever be necessary to take them off ! Building your own ecommerce site isn 't easy at all and of the many places I 've set up , NONE are as cheap as $ 15 . 95 for the features you get with an eBay store . If you click on the photo above and look at the list of features , you will be amazed . Another of the Big , Big problems with your own store is driving traffic . Granted , with eBay store items not appearing in search currently , you won 't get the same volume as on an eBay core item listing , but you will still get some directly from eBay . For the rest of the traffic , it will be up to you to drive that . eBay provides some help for its store owners in that you have a well built SEO friendly website . You provide the keywords , and eBay inserts them correctly in the coding . You also have a free newsletter program included . And here is the BEST bonus - Five Free ' Custom ' pages that you can fill with all the content and keywords that the search engine spiders love , love , love . So if you are thinking about an eCommerce website , don 't count eBay out . Remember , you can always buy any domain you want and foPosted by I feel like I 'm in a whirligig ! First , we are moving in this house , out of those confining apartments ; now , a friend has offered us a piece of property , and another lady is giving us a trailer ! So , it 's sort , toss , pack . . . eBay ! I need MONEY ! What better way to get it ? I started to sell , but got sidetracked . A friend saw this pattern for a doggy sweater . She knew I could crochet , so she bought me the pattern . I made it for her , she paid me , and sent me some more buyers ! I have an order for a plush pet blanket . See pic . . . The sweater goes around the front and snaps or buttons or Velcro 's across the chest , and also under the ribs . The blanket is made by crochet . VERY plush ! These would also make great lap blankets , baby pads , etc . with just a little alteration . So , I have been crocheting my little heart out the past few days . And , you know WHAT ? A lot of my friends want me to sell these online . . . wow , talk about a turn around ! They used to say I was wasting my time . So folks , be looking on eBay for auctions by jimmyorshell . All you gotta do to find us is go to community , click the link , type in our name and follow the rest of the instructions . Easy & fun ! Let me know here what you think of my making & selling pet clothing & blankets . Your comments are always valuable to me . Speaking of valuable . . . our bra for the bling my bra campaign on eBay sold ! However , it 's not over by a long shot . To see the hottest bras being auctioned , you can go here : http : / / blogs . ebay . com / woadieland / entry / BLING - MY - BRA - Charity - Auction - for - Breast - Cancer - R / _ W0QQidZ1041458017 . . remember 100 % of the proceeds are donated to Breast cancer research . . . I 've just recently finished reading a book called " Brag ! : The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn without Blowing It " by Peggy Klaus . Ms . Klaus is a world - renowned Fortune 500 communication coach and an expert " braggart " in every sense of the word . However , not the obnoxious , self - aggrandizing braggart that everyone hates . No , she 's an expert in the art of communication and how to capitalize on being yourself and making the most of your efforts without sounding like the world revolves around you . Her book shows simple and easy to understand scenarios and by using her techniques , you will be able to interact with people in a positive way that will make them want to know more about you and your accomplishments . She has a Take 12 questionnaire that allows readers the opportunity to answer and interact with the book itself and help you frame your accomplishments in a crystal clear way so that you can come up with the right responses whenever you need them . It might be in a sales pitch scenario , job interview or simply in everyday conversation without sounding phony or unnatural . She offers practical advice in a clear and polished way and really makes you think about what to say in an unpretentious but memorable way . It 's a fun book to read and I learned a lot about what to say to people when they ask about my art and how I sell it . I highly recommend it ! I know you 've heard it before , but what are you waiting for ? Why haven 't you made your appointment ? The one you 've been putting off because you 're scared or you think it 's too uncomfortable , or maybe it 's too embarrassing . I 'm talking about the appointment for your mammogram . The mammogram is helping to lower the number of women who die from this most common form of cancer in women every year . It only takes a few minutes out of your life and it could add years to your life if you have cancer and it 's detected early . Early detection is crucial to having a better cure rate . If you don 't have medical insurance and can 't afford a screening , there are organizations that will help with low cost or free mammograms . You can go to the American Cancer Society website at http : / / www . cancer . org / or call the National Cancer Institute at 1 - 800 - 4 - Cancer to find organizations in your area that may be able to help . There is also a large list of helpful sites to look for a free mammogram at the Health Central free mammogram page at http : / / tinyurl . com / yzo9ay9One of the organizations that does a lot to promote awareness and help fund research for breast cancer is the Susan G . Komen for the Cure foundation . You can visit this website at http : / / ww5 . komen . org / It is also one of the sources that you can look for a free mammogram . The month of October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and a group of online sellers have banded together to help this cause with a Bling My Bra Campaign to raise money for Susan G . Komen for the Cure foundation . They are auctioning off fantasy bras on ebay and 100 % of the profits go to this worthy foundation . You can see these unique and one of a kind bras at http : / / tinyurl . com / yh3kz94 or you can go to http : / / www . depressionglasswarehouse . com / and look for the Bling My Bra category on the left - hand side of the page . Whatever you do , don 't wait to make an appointment for your mammogram . Your family needs you ; do it now while it 's on your mind . Don 't wait until you have symptoms , many times there are no signs of a probPosted by I 've been selling on eBay since 1998 . I 've had quite a few things that I can 't believe sold , and others that I can 't believe DIDN ' T sell . This is one of those things I am amazed it didn 't sell . Just look at this . . who wouldn 't love a cup holder lamp ? It even has a fabulous lace up shade from the 1950 ' sLook at cup hooks . How cute would this be in a man 's study or 1950 's black and white kitchen ? Obviously I was more in love with the lamp than any buyer on eBay . I 'm not giving up hope . One day I know it will sell . The world of online selling today is quite a challenge for most sellers . Years ago when online selling was new things seemed so easy . You signed up to sell and then made a listing and sold your item . Those days seem to be over now and selling is much more complicated and there is also much more competition . The selling world today is not necessarily bad just different and it takes a different approach to make money . The other thing today is all the social networking that is around and also is needed to help sell your items . Twitter and Facebook are two that come to mind but there are many others . The time spent on these sites can both help sell your items and take up valuable time you could spend listing . I think today it is a trade off and each of us has to decide how to manage our time . The other key to all of this is finding some kind of balance in your life on the computer and your life outside of the computer . I do believe we all need some kind of balance there but that is an individual choice . I am also part of a wonderful yahoo group of dedicated sellers that help each other deal with the every day life of selling online . I keep saying online selling since today there are so many places to sell . I have started my own website which I am just starting to work on Book Corner CafeThere are also 2 great online selling resource sites that have helped me so much with focus and also learning and they can be found at Web Sellers ' Circle and OSI Rock Stars . I think the most important thing we each learn is how to find the balance and time that works for each of us . Brian Wehrle - Last seen in Carrollton , GA driving a ' 92 blue Buick Lesabre on Wednesday night / Thursday morning 9 / 23 - 24 . Any information goes to the Carrollton PD ( 770 ) 834 - 4451 Usually when someone goes missing and you hear it on the news - you think " hmmm , that 's terrible - I can 't imagine what that family is going through and you go about your business . " This time though - it has happened to someone I know . Brian is the brother of a friend of mine . She and I have known each other since elementary school . I remember Brian as the typical little brother in the typical family situation . He liked to bug and torment my friend back then as little brothers are known to do . She always got annoyed - he always thought it was funny . . . . your normal brother and sister stuff . I last saw Brian at my friend 's wedding . He was , as usual , making jokes and complaining about being stuck at the wedding reception - but you could tell he was really happy for his sister . She and I usually talk once or twice a week , so I thought it was odd when I didn 't hear from her last week , but she 's been planning her son 's birthday party and she had some other things going on - so I didn 't really give it much thought . Last night though - someone asked me if I had heard he was missing . I hadn 't . My friend is one of those people that when things get tough - she retreats to her safe place and just doesn 't want to talk about it . I could tell on the phone last night - that this was one of those times . I 'm not sure if I said the right things to her . . . . IS there proper etiquette when some one 's family member goes missing ? You don 't want to treat it lightly and yet you already know that the person you are talking to - is thinking the same thing you are . . . . THIS CAN NOT BE GOOD . I 'm still trying to think positive . Brian can be very moody . I can see him going somewhere to be by himself until he gets over it . But . . . . she said he didn 't take his cell phone with him . He left things out like he planned on returning and he 's a neat freak - so even if he was going offSushiboofay Did you know that eBay is in the middle of a sale on Auction listings ? Well , neither did I and that 's another blog post ( eBay 's struggles to communicate with their sellers ! ) . But thanks to an alert friend who passed on the information , I now know that ebay is running a 33 % off sale on ALL auction listings - doesn 't matter the starting price , or the category ! So if you have some items you were planning on listing at auction instead of Store , or Fixed Price , well , NOW is the time ! The sale was announced on the eBay General Announcement page and runs through October 11 , 2009 . You can visit THIS PAGE for all the details , exclusions , etc . Janelle Elms , of OSI RockStars , is a great source to stay up - to - date with eBay announcements on her twitter account . the announcement was posted at 12 PM PST and you can see that Janelle had it out there right away ! osirockstars 2 : 55pm , Sep 25 Now trust me , I could turn this into another post about managing your twitter account - cause I PROMISE you , Janelle is way too busy to sit by the computer and post each and every ebay announcement as they come out . But , just join Rock Stars and you can take the class about putting twitter on automatic pilot too , LOL Well , today is the last day of Summer and the cooler weather is upon us . Soooooo , let 's think about our health . Today is Hubby 's colonoscopy , ( I had mine last Wednesday ) . When you get into the upper ages , ( notice I didn 't put an age to this ) this is something that you need to have done . It has been approximately 8 years since my last one and I was told I should come back in 5 years . Hubby had his approximately 7 years ago . Being that it 's not the most pleasant thing to be doing , we had put it off and kept putting it off . Well , this year , it was beyond putting it off since we are not sure on what medical insurance we will have next year , so just needed to take care of it this year . If they find anything , they send it out for a biopsy . Well , they found something with mine and I was asked to come back in 6 months . Aaacccckkkkk . The results of the biopsy are not in yet . That will take about 10 days . So , I 'm keeping my fingers ( & toes ) crossed that it 's not bad news . Next month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month . Our wonderful Selling and Buying Group of Internet Friends ( who have become like a family ) are raising some $ $ for the cause . We have a lot of volunteers that are / decorating / creating some very nice and interesting looking BRAS for the cause . These will be auctioned off on EBAY during each day of the month in October . Soooooo , as you can see , there are AT LEAST 31 of these wonderful looking BRAS . These volunteers have the talent and imagination that is fantastic . Since I 'm not one of the talented creators , I have offered to give a gift to the person that had a BRA that brought the highest $ $ amount for the cause . I , for one , hope that there is a tie for a top dollar for all and I 'm still going to give each one a gift . I am including the links where you are able to check out some of these fantastic BRAS , so put October in your memory bank and come on out to EBAY and see if you can win one of these BRAS . http : / / www . blogger . com / goog _ 1253558784298 By Marion ( ID : freelandenterprises - - - By Marion ( ID : freelandenterpriPosted by DSR : Short for Detailed Seller Ratings , ( on eBay ) ( http : / / www . webopedia . com / TERM / D / eBay . html ) DSR is the part of the _ feedback _ ( http : / / www . webopedia . com / TERM / D / eBay _ feedback . html ) _ system _ ( http : / / www . webopedia . com / TERM / D / DSR . html # ) that allows buyers to leave detailed ratings for the seller on four aspects of a transaction . These four areas available for comment and ratings include the following : * Item as described * _ Communication _ ( http : / / www . webopedia . com / TERM / D / DSR . html # ) * Shipping time * Shipping and handling charges In DSR the rating system is based on a one to five - star scale with five stars being the highest rating and one star being the lowest rating . DSRs are the " report card " system that is the bane of an eBay seller 's existence and one of the methods eBay uses to control us . Think it works ? ?
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I 'm not sure I could have children and not worry about things like school shootings . How do you cope , or have you even thought about this ? Share Question The incidents you read about in the news are few and far between . They are by far the exception , rather than the rule . I have also read that children were killed in a McDonalds by a mad gunman . You cannot protect them from the freak occurrences . I was very comfortable with the schools my children attended . I have to admit , there are only four school systems in my state that I would have sent them to . If I had not lived in one of those jurisdictions , I would have sent them to private school . As this is an international forum , the thing that you need to be careful of with this question is that " Public School " has very different meanings between the US and other UK or Commonwealth countries . In the US it is Government school , in UK etc . , it is a ( often very exclusive ) private school . In the UK it is primarily wealthy or middle class people who have a public school education . I don 't think shootings or suicides would be the thing that put me off . I can 't hide my son from the world . More important for me is the quality of the education he receives , that he is taught by conscientious , intelligent teachers , and that the location is suitable . I went to both public and private Catholic schools in the city of Chicago . My parents yanked me out of the Catholic Private schools because of the numerous " issues " I encountered while there . And now that my own kids are in suburban public schools , I know of many families who are in the local private systems and again there appear to be similar " issues " no matter where you go . I have three children - all of them attend public schools and I wouldn 't have it any other way . All three are receiving excellent educations by qualified , talented teachers and I am confident they will be well prepared for life . Home schooled children or students in private schools are as likely to be jerks as any other students . I am a strong believer in supporting the public school system . My kids went to a decent , not stellar , suburban school system and have done remarkably well . On the evening of the Columbine shootings , I went to the school play that my son 's girlfriend had worked on and sat and cried . But it wasn 't because I felt the kids were more unsafe in school than out of it . We all have to live our lives the best way we can and not be paralyzed by fear of what might happen . My kids will go to public schools . I went to public school and it was fine . There are problems to be sure , and good and bad schools , but I think it is premature and foolhardy to write off public education . Frankly , schools aren 't that much different from when I was in school , bullies , gangs , and guns are nothing new , certainly not since my childhood . I believe in the public education system , despite its flaws , and I think my kids will be better off for having lived through some adversity , overcome challenges , and had to interact and get along with a wide variety of different people from different backgrounds . You know , like the real world . School shootings are exceedingly rare . Suicides are less rare , but don 't necessarily have anything to do with public schools in general . There are plenty of private school kids who kill themselves , and a private school shooting may not have happened yet , but it 's no less likely than a public school shooting . We 've been happy , on the whole , with the public schools here . We moved to this town mainly because of the school system 's reputation , which is much better than the town we used to live in . For example , my daughter started kindergarten in our old school district . The expectations and standards were not very high , and the teacher had zero interest in adapting any of the lesson plans to fit the kids ' individual levels . When we moved , the difference was immediately apparent . I 've had my own frustrations from time to time ( the grade school principal drives me crazy ) , but on the whole the schools here are excellent . Some teachers are better than others , of course . Now that my daughter is in middle school , I am constantly amazed at what she is learning and doing . Part of it is the technology , and part of it is the creativity of the teachers . A couple of weeks ago , my daughter was building a robot in Science . Before that , they reenacted the Ellis Island experience for Social Studies . She 's designed her own board games , dissected virtual sheep eyes , and has access to a school library that rivals the town library . She has PE every day , Spanish every other day , and the opportunity to try out various sports and academic programs through the schools intramurals . She 's in 5th grade . I 'm pretty sure there were still kids eating glue in my 5th grade class . As for worrying about school shootings , who doesn 't think of it from time to time ? I know my kids will get a better education than if I tried to teach them . I already have a hard time helping with my daughter 's math homework ! You never know what can happen , but the odds of a school shooting are actually quite low , much lower that the chance of dying in a car accident or from an illness . @ Snarp , I 'm not much impressed with their standards , or philosophy for starters . And I think the system is broken and not fixable within my lifetime . Still , I know that it can produce good students , but I think that 's probably more a function of parental support and good discipline rather than anything else . I 've had kids in public school , private school , and homeschool , so I 'm not clueless . It 's just not my first choice for sure . Yup , there is . But it just provides so many distractions , not the least of which are the laws that are intended to " help " . Like the Tourettes kid that was led around by all the bullies in school and goaded into fighting . They talked him into threatening my son and attacking him , cheering him on all the while . When I asked the principal why they didn 't protect this Tourettes kid from the bullies , he told me his hands were tied . That sealed it for me . I agree with @ janbb that public schools vary throughout the country and it is hard to generalize that they are all bad or good . I would send my children to public school , if the school near me were good and safe , I would consider private school if the public schools were of a concern to me , and I am pro - schooling , but not sure I am disciplined enough to get my act together to do that for my children . I think there are many factors for what school is right for your child . Every child is an individual and every school district is different . However , in general , I feel public school , especially larger public high schools can provide a larger variety of classes and opportunities for children to pursue and discover interests in my opinion . It 's always a difficult choice for middle class liberals who believe in public school but live in places where the schools are really crappy . We were told that it is most important to have the best education when your child is younger . It 's better to invest your money earlier , rather than later . Our daughter is graduating from a very good private school this year and is headed off to public high school next year . She 'll be in an elite program in an elite school . Even so , the school does not have the amenities that the private high schools have . Of course , it doesn 't cost 28K per year , either . We have plans to finally address some home maintenance issues we have been postponing for the last ten years or so . I believe in public education , and I wish every school was as good as every other . But schools depend on preparation of their students , and a student from an educated family will be very different from a student from a family living in poverty . While it would be good to have them rub shoulders and learn about each other , a school where 99 % of the kids live in poverty just isn 't going to be able to challenge a kid from a middle class family . Nor will it be able to teach that child anything . I 'm fortunate to live in a city where there are choices in high schools . The application process is good practice for when it is time to apply to college . The school my daughter will go to is probably the oldest continuously operating public school in the nation . She will be in the 273rd class . It has a very strong alumni club that raises lots of money and helps give the school at least some facilities that are as good as private schools . Another advantage this school has is that it is big - more than 2000 students . That means there are many more course options . I think my daughter will do very well there . @ Storms I see . Do you feel public schools are trying to brainwash children into being liberals ? That is what my exboyfriends wife talks about . Although , when I asked my exboyfriend if he felt when we went to high school that any teacher tried to influence us politically or religiously he opted to take the 5th to save his marriage . He knows that is total bullshit , the only time government or politics came up was in Government class and that was just to learn the basics like there are three branches of government . @ JLeslie I wouldn 't say that there 's a conspiracy to brainwash children to be liberals . I would say that the public school system tries to create a false impression of reality in which children are instilled with faulty premises that lead them to a worldview . The precise distortion is hard to pin down but it seems that the system attempts to make young skulls full of mush perceive the federal government as always having had as much authority over the states as it has now , if not more , or that the federal government must grow to achieve its rightful size . I can indeed recall teachers trying to influence me politically or religiously even though I agreed with it at the time . But that 's just anecdotal . I 'd offer as evidence which important events are left out from the average history curriculum or the overall idealogical bent of teachers . Schools teach kids an awful lot of things in an awful lot of ways . I strongly believe they will benefit from the mix of world views they will be exposed to in public schools and I have full confidence that any ideas about politics , religion , or morality that I attempt to instill in them will either stand the test of combat with any ideas they encounter at school , or be found rightfully wanting . Any small amount of " indoctrination " they may receive at school should be easily countered by an involved parent . That is of course , assuming that what you want your children to believe can actually stand up to rigorous investigation . If not , then they shouldn 't believe it . It helps that I don 't live in Texas where facts included in text books are altered at the whim of a highly politicized conservative school board , but even if I did I would trust that my children could critically evaluate ideas . Frankly , I graduated from high school with some ridiculous notions in my head , and some of my teachers would have agreed with them and others not . Life helped me to sort them out and discover which were worthwhile . Ultimately school was a pretty small contributor to my long term world view . @ Snarp I agree . I know people homeschool for a variety of reasons and often with great success , but I 've felt it was somewhat hubristic to think your kids should only be exposed to your ideas and abillity to impart knowledge . Mine have gotten so much of our worldview already and also have become their own people through their own thinking and experiences . Selfishly also , why wouldn 't you want your kids somewhere else for 8 hours a day ? Especially if it 's free ! : - ) I hope to be one of those . I sincerely want my child to challenge my ideas , and to research what lies beyond what I know already . I lived 20 years in a family that held " My way or you 're going to burn in hell " ideals , and that is something I will do my part to eliminate in the coming generations . I also thing it 's funny that one of the most common arguments against homeschooling is a lack of " socialization " . Since when are kids supposed to socialise in school ? Isn 't that part of the problem of public school - the fact that there are too many kids for one teacher to keep their brains focused on the lesson as opposed to what colour shoes they should wear with their prom dress , and whether Tina wants to date Tony or Joe . Socialisation is best done outside of school . My son is 20 months old , and he already has close friends . As soon as he 's old enough , he 'll be allowed to choose which sport he 'd like to join , and / or which instrument he 'd like to learn . I 'd like to homeschool him as long as I can , and when his knowledge in different subjects surpasses what I can teach him , I hope to supplement him with community college classes , and / or private school courses . Since we already attend the local MOSI 's Toddler Scientist classes , I think we 're heading in the right direction . Can I ask where you grew up ? You say you recall teachers trying to influence political and religous thinking ? In which direction ? Were they liberal , conservative , religious , atheists ? ? Which thought process were they trying to pursuade you towards ? I cannot think of one instance where a teacher did this in my schools . However , I would beleive it goes on here where I live now . Socialization has always been part of the purpose of schools . You 're not supposed to " socialize " in class , but that doesn 't mean you 're not being socialized . Public school socialization involves exposure to people who aren 't like you and however much people try ( and an awful lot don 't even want to ) that doesn 't happen much with home schooled kids . I went to public school and was always pretty anti social , shy , bad at making friends , and a total dork . I never met a home schooled kid who wasn 't even more so than I . And I don 't think that 's a good thing in any way . I 'm sure there are exceptions to that rule , probably more today than when I was young , but I think that homeschooling creates kids who are way too sheltered . I don 't want to start a fight about homeschooling , but I think this is what happens all too often , especially when the parents are expressly home schooling their kids to avoid exposing them to conflicting ideas or people with different backgrounds . @ Seek _ Kolinahr I understand where you are coming from and I know it can be done , but I was glad to see my kids exposed to other adults . And there is a lot of time in school , lunch , recess , walking the halls to make friends . And as snarp says , socialization is not just about making friends ; it 's also about learning the world doesn 't revolve around you . " It takes a village … . " Again , I am not trying to attack anyone who is homeschooling , just airing some of my thoughts . So much of it depends on our own experiences , that of our kids and the nature of the local school district . This is why kids gang bang other kids , why bullying still happens , why aggressive " winners take all and losers are worthy of scorn " mentalities dominate school sports , why rapes occur , blah , blah , blah . I 'm not stupid ; I don 't expect a utopic environment . Life inside and outside school isn 't the Special Olympics where " Everybody 's a winner ! " . You have to earn what you get . What I expect is that a little damn common sense is applied in the form of empathy . You must give up your kids 10 hours a day in this country . To whom you give them makes a huge difference . What comes around sure as hell goes around . Every child is indeed a winner ; helping them get in touch with their humanity while guiding them toward finding their strong suit pays off in spades the day they start running this country and changing our diapers . As many have said , the quality of public education varies between districts . Schools with talented teachers perform well , the rest don 't . The problems with public schools are both social and systemic . Public school districts are much more susceptible and responsive to the misfortunates of its district 's economy , and as a result the worst schools out there are usually public , but there 's no causality here - public does not mean bad . @ Seek _ Kolinahr I just know that I can 't teach my kids chemistry better than my high school chemistry teacher taught me . Same goes for math . I can 't teach them a foreign language , I can 't teach them physics , I can 't teach them biology . I certainly can 't supply them with science labs with any kind of decent equipment . I can 't even teach them to read , I 've no idea how . I went to public schools in Florida , and I learned more than I can teach my kids , even if I could afford to not work . I do think I can supplement what they are learning in school very well , but I can 't replace it . @ Seek _ Kolinahr I tink @ Storms commented on the schools not teaching critical thinking n her experience . I said that I like that public schools many time can offer a larger variety of courses , but I also think , especially in primary school , many public schools can not well handle children who excel greatly in a particular subject . A 3rd grader who is a math genious will most likely not be able to be catered to . The public schools seem to do better at helping children who are behind , if we are talking about falling outside the " normal " range , @ Seek _ Kolinahr You remind me a lot of my sister ( on other threads too - you 're not my sister , are you ? ) . She 's very smart and convinced that the Florida school system failed her by not providing an education that challenged her . She is thinking of home schooling because she thinks she can do better than that for her son . I went through the same school system , and had similar problems with it , but in the end I believe that I failed to take advantage of what was available more than the system failed me . But there is no doubt that the schools I went to did a terrible job of identifying gifted students and providing them with a challenging education . Unlike my you and my sister though , I don 't think I can do better as a whole , but am better off trying to supplement . You ( and my sister ) could be right though , and it sounds like you will try very hard to do a good job . My sister on the other hand , I think really just wants to protect her son from being the social outcast she was and to some extent wants to indoctrinate him her way rather than the school 's way . I think that she will accomplish the exact opposite of what she wants to by isolating him to protect him from social problems . Maybe I 'm wrong about that too though . Junior year Advanced English class - Teacher gets up to the front of the room ( in her Friday dress - blinding orange , with giant sunflowers . Matching earrings and orange lipstick ) and passes out a poem . I 'll spare you the entirety , but it was a poem about rhyming words : " A family of goose / Should be called ' geese ' / But the plural of moose / Shall never be ' meese ' " That was the second week of school . My brain was turned off of her for the rest of the year . That woman was so goddamned proud of that poem … I 'm sorry , but when there are 16 - 17 year old kids in advanced classes being taught with methods that would bore and embarrass a third - grader , there 's a problem . Yes , I can do better than that . @ Seek _ Kolinahr The educational value of a school depends a lot , as others have said , on individual school systems . I think ours has a high quality of educational value , which is quite different from the school system only an hour away where we used to live . On top of that , we read a lot at home and spend a lot of time doing things that are fun but also instructive . Hiking , making up our own science experiments , visiting museums , raising tadpoles and butterflies or moths , going to the library , or using the internet to learn more about things we 've seen . The combination of a good education at school and a home life that fosters and supports inquisitive learning is working well for us so far . They also benefit from having a large extended family who don 't talk down to them or dismiss them because they are children . Education is something that a school can 't do alone . It needs the support of parents and community . If parents aren 't preparing kids for school and making education a priority , the teachers will struggle and the school will not do well . So , where you live the schools may be failing or not living up to your standards . Where we live , the schools are doing very well and our children are thriving . Teachers are held accountable partly because the parents here have such high standards and expect excellent schools . I think there 'd be an emergency town hall meeting if a high school teacher used the poem you mentioned for anything other than a laugh . : ) @ phillis It 's just that I think most schools have teachers who want to teach , and rules to follow . The kids being out of hand I tend to blame more on their situation at home . Maybe you mean you don 't want your kids around other kids who are acting up ? @ JLeslie No . You don 't have to be religious to have a moral compass . That would essentially demonize every Atheist who lives and breathes . Some of my best friends are Atheists . I wouldn 't be with them if they didn 't have incredible redeeming qualities and a moral compass . Wow . A lot of conversation went on while I was at work … I won 't have time to read ALL posts , but here goes . @ Seek Kolinahr , here 's to you ! I know not all public schools are the same . There was a very good public school in the last town where we lived . I said I have had children in public , private , and home school . I 've been involved in education for many years , either as a homeschool parent , or helping my own kids with homework , or working in a private school . My husband I are presently very much involved in schooling . He 's an administrator of a large private school . What we are seeing is that in spite of the economy , parents are still trying to get their kids in private schools BECAUSE for whatever reason , they are not at all pleased with the public school education that 's available to them . That should speak for itself . ( more about that later ) Here 's a short list . I don 't care at all for No Child Left Behind . It ties the hands of excellent teachers who would otherwise be able to teach kids to enjoy learning . Instead they have to teach to the test , and a lot of creativity and fun is lost . And I continue to read of failing schools that find a way to get around the regulations by cheating in one way or another . There are many laws that make it difficult to learn in a public school . I 'm all for rights and all that , but when the very law that 's supposed to protect children hamstrings the officials who would otherwise be able to help a child , this is a problem that degrades the learning environment in a massive way for everyone . From what I understand , a mainstreamed special Ed kid must be allowed the same social privileges as any other child in the school . This means he can associate with anyone in the school , regardless of whether they take advantage of him or not . So you end up with situations like what happened in our school . ( see my post about Tourettes ) Then you have the kids who are not properly disciplined at home , or have an out of control home life with no parental oversight . This is not the kids ' problem . But when the administrators try to follow through with rational school discipline policy , the parents put up a fight . Sometimes they even sue the school district and win ! This takes up so much of the administrators ' time , it 's really difficult to properly manage the school . This is a nationwide epidemic problem . This means many schools are dominated by violent kids who know the administrators cannot hold them accountable . It is no surprise this degrades the learning environment . In many districts they have a policy of tenure that keeps bad teachers in . I know they 're still trying to sort this out , but it 's a slow process . I 'm not interested in my kids having to pay the price because of these and other problems . So why DO people want to get their kids out of the public schools ? The reasons vary . Some don 't like the curriculum . For others the violence or the discipline is a deal breaker . Others take their kids out because of bullying , or because of poor quality teaching , or a high student to teacher ratio . And for some , it 's not how bad the school system is , it 's just that it does not meet their kid 's needs , or they want a better education than they are getting in public school . @ snowberry I 'm right with you on No Child Left Behind . I always look through the classroom work my kids bring home , and it 's obvious which papers are for test prep and which aren 't . The test prep papers are far outnumbered by other types of school work , which is exactly how it should be . At third - grade orientation , which is the year the mastery tests start , the teacher said they use those worksheets not to teach , but to review what the children have mastered mainly so they are familiar with the format when the test rolls around . They actually approach each subject in a variety of ways so children with different learning styles can all learn it well . That drove my daughter crazy , since she was one of the kids who " got it " the first time around and hated the repetition . I was worried at first that the schools would teach to the test , but from everything I 've seen here , they seem to have balanced it out very well . When I was young , I went to Catholic school . They were very strict , no excuse for not doing your work . They had rules and we learned that rules were to be followed . When I was in the 3rd grade , it was basically the same as 4th grade in the public school system . When I was in the 5th grade I transferred to a public school due to location . I learned that rules were for breaking more than anything else . However , I must say , the public school system prepared me more for the real world than Catholic school did . So , I figure , I got a great start in school and study habits , and then transferred to an education in real life . Non of which hurt me a bit . I would not have liked homeschooling . Several important things missing , socializing and all of the learning that comes with competition , whether it be sports or academics . My state school experience sounds similar to that of @ Snarp . 's I thought I was constantly being overlooked and not challenged in any way . I thought the teachers were a waste of space , and turned my nose up at my fellow students . Just recently I went to the retirement party of one of my former high school teachers . There were a number of my old teachers there , some of whom I spoke to at length . I realised that I had some fantastic teachers in that school , and that many of them had a lasting and positive influence on my development and education . There were teachers who I have since complained about , but when I think about it now I realise the cruddy teachers only fuelled my desire to shine so I wouldn 't end up like them . One of the important things my parents taught me was that we all have a responsibility for our own education , and only then can it be a success , regardless of the school . I could have made more of my education , but I was too stuck - up and lazy on the whole . For all the negative impression that was left on me , looking back I seem to have chosen to ignore all the great things I got out of it . As for indoctrination @ Storms , we ( being in England ) had religious assembly every day , where we were made to say the Lord 's prayer and sing hymns . The only influence it had on us was to thoroughly bore us . Religious Education was also mandatory ; again , see above . In history I had a marvellous teacher , and the whole curriculum was based around learning how to analyse sources . The educational content of the school curriculum in general was by no means black and white . I don 't think we should ever underestimate children in their ability to think for themselves and make judgements based on evidence from a variety of sources . @ Seek _ Kolinahr In regards to home - schooling and socialisation , I will say that since my two year old son has started daycare , his behaviour at home has improved tenfold . Where as before he could only tolerate sitting at the table for a matter of minutes at mealtimes , now he agrees to sit there quietly until he has finished eating . He eats a much wider variety of fruit and vegetables now , and at nap time he takes himself off to bed with no complaints . He is getting better at sharing , and tantrums are diminishing . It is not only the affect of the teachers , who he adores , but the other children whose stellar behaviour he aspires to . That is socialisation : positive peer - pressure . It 's unfortunate that many people think that it 's OK to toss your kids into a potentially deadly environment because after all , " it 's the real world , get used to it " . That 's awfully callous . Some kids will thrive , but many others will come out with scars that stay with them forever . We 're not doing the kids or ourselves a favor by that attitude . If your kid is not doing well in public school for what ever reason , it 's in your kid 's and your best interest to change what 's wrong if you can . If you think it 's a deal breaker , move them to a better situation if you can . Neither homeschool , private school , or public school solves anything . Whatever you bring into the situation will stay with you . If your kid is hyperactive in public school , he 'll be the same in private , or at home as well . The problems may alter a bit , but they 'll still be the same problems . How you choose to deal with them is up to you . It 's all about taking responsibility for your life . @ snowberry I 'm not saying that home - schooling can never work , but I am saying that many of the people I hear about doing the home - schooling thing are doing it for the wrong reasons , and often going about it wrong as well . Isolate a kid from their peers , keep them in the dark , feed them bullshit , and some will thrive but many others will come out with scars . Even better is that when your little one sees some of the stuff you 've been trying to hide them from for the first time , they are totally unequipped to deal with it in any rational manner . Done right , homeschool is a wonderful thing Done right , you can throw yourself out of a fifth - story window and land unharmed too . Screw either one of those things up and life gets … . interesting . why do so many people have a problem with public schools ? where i grew up , the public schools were just fine , perfectly normal . the private schools , on the other hand , is where parents paid for their kids to go because the football team was better . half the students were drug dealers , too , and that is honestly not an exaggeration . not just weed either . it was bad . i 'm so glad my parents trusted public schools . You 're entitled to your opinion . That 's not the reality I 've seen or know . I 'm entitled to mine . In my opinion , it sounds like you 're spouting criticism that you 've heard other people say , and plugging in a lot of your own bias . It 's obvious you 've never known a properly raised homeschool kid , let alone a whole group of them . You don 't have a clue about the philosophy behind it , or anything else attached to reality . But that 's my opinion . I invite you to change it . @ snowberry Actually , I do know a few . The catch is that they were home - schooled for reasons other than those cited by most people who want to home - school . Of course , they went on to a private school when they were a bit older since teaching is best done by those that have a better academic understanding of the subject matter than the student . My problem isn 't so much home - schooling as the reasons that many people choose to do so . Some do it for the " official " reasons , and some do it for reasons I find ludicrous . If you 're worried about your kids getting shot , get involved with drugs , have premarital sex , or learn the Theory of Evolution , keep them totally sequestered from the world ; schools are not the only place that bad things happen . There are valid reasons to home - school but many of the people I 've seen looking at that option are not doing so for any reason I feel is valid , and often for reasons that I feel would be detrimental to the kid in the long run . There is also the matter that the kids will likely surpass their parents in academic achievement in their early - teens unless the parents are themselves quite highly educated , but that is coming from someone who spent most of their school days working two grades above their peers so take it with a grain of salt . To show you where I am coming from here , let me tell you a little about me . I almost skipped a couple of grades , but it was determined that since I was already the youngest in the class , moving me in with people 3 - 4 years older than me would be a disaster . The academic portion would 've been easy , but the social education … I would not have been a well - rounded , well - adjusted person if I had skipped . The reason I bring that up is that there is more to education than just the textbook stuff , and home - schooled kids generally lack that sort of education . Those people I know that were home - schooled ? They were smarter than their peers in the bookish sense , but lacked wisdom and were generally clueless for a while once they hit the outside world . Now , as for your request for RELIABLE statistics , you seem to be rather unwise there . See , this here is the Internet . You can find anything you want , whether its true or not . Hell , it was true before there even was an internet ! It jsut happens to be quicker and easier to choose your lies of choice in the 21st - century . Therefore , I have a bit of skepticism for that sort of stuff ; a skepticism that my home - schooled acquaintances never really developed until after going through a hell of a culture shock . However , I do trust personal observation . I don 't have or need 872 , 145 different versions of my life with notarized statements filed in triplicate ; I lived it , and I know what I have seen and experienced . If my experiences run counter to yours then c ' est la vie , but I don 't feel I have to prove anything in a question that asked for an opinion . @ jery And while I 'm thinking about it , you say you " know a few " . Together my husband and I have known and / or worked with hundreds of homeschool families . I have participated in workshops for homeschool conventions , written curriculum , and started homeschool clubs in two different states . There are always going to be a few bad apples in every bunch , but please don 't try to convince me all homeschoolers are like the few you know . @ snowberry A few people I know personally and more that I know of . Admittedly , fewer than you , but enough to draw conclusions . I know too much about statistics to base a strong assertion on too few data points , so chalk it up to me not living in the idyllic utopia that you seem to or to one hell of a coincidence . A quick guess of the odds and I would wager that it 's differing experiences . I also know enough to walk away . ( Whether I actually do or not is a different matter entirely . ) This time I am not going to get in a heated argument with someone who is otherwise decent just because of one instance where we are diametrically opposed . I stated my opinion and and the basis of that opinion . you have proven that you are also biased , and I don 't think we can accomplish anything more in this thread . @ Storms my boys are all in the process of being brainwashed . It is starting to freak me out a little . All they want to do is watch Bill O ' Reilly and Glenn Beck . Just the other day the middle boy asked me to buy a teapot because he wants to join the Tea Party . ~ Sorry to be sarcastic , but I am just not buying the brainwashing argument . @ Seek _ Kolinahr I am a huge supporter of public education , but if I was in a horrible system , I would definitely consider home - schooling . Fortunately I am in a great school system . I do have several close friends who home school their children . They belong to a group of home schoolers with different parents teaching different subjects . Their children are not lacking the social interaction they might get at a public school , but they are being exposed to a very homogenius population and are not being exposed to kids who don 't look exactly like them . That part bothers me . As for private schools : I have family that has chosen that route for their kids . One of my nephews has a serious speech impediment . Where does he get services ? From the SLP at his local public school . These are people who bad mouth the schools but are right there when their kid needs services . I have another nephew who went all the way through a private elementary school , getting to sixth grade , before it became clear he was reading on a first grade level . His parents pulled him out of the private school , got him an IEP and got the interventions that boy required - from their local public school . The piece that is missing in private schools is the accountability piece . At least I know that my kid is meeting some education standards . I agree that it depends why someone is home - schooling their kids whether I am all behind it or not . If it is because the child is academically better suited to learn at home , sounds good to me , if the child is miserable socially at school I can see it too . If the parents are sheltering their child from the horrible scary world to paranoia , I don 't like it . Only in extreme cases can I see this , like inner city where gangs really possibly are a very big problem , and I can also understand if your child is beginning to experiment with drugs or hanging around bad people , no matter how good the neighborhood is , and you want to pull them out of that environment for a while . I have a girlfriend who started her children in homeschool , and at any time she would allow them to go to public school , but for now they all want to stay at home . She is a CPA and her husband an engineer . The children are not " sheltered " it is simply an education choice that has worked for them . I think that is fine . I had a teenager stay with me for 5 weeks one summer , who had been homeschooled until she was 15 and then her family moved to the west coast of FL for her brother who was training to go pro in tennis . It happened there was a magnet Performing Arts high school , and her passion was ballet , so she enrolled . She did not have any trouble with the transition . Her parents simply were looking for whatever suited their children academically to encourage their passion and happiness . I loved how they thought outside of the box for their children , encouraging their creativity and their academic acheivement . @ JLeslie That 's pretty much what I did . The boys were allowed to make up their own mind about whether they wanted to go to public school or not . They tried out the public school , but were very unhappy about the grading system , and the fact that they had to ask permission to go to the bathroom . There were many other factors . I wanted them to love learning , not hate it . It was 13 years of hell every single night working on math homework , and it wasn 't until after I graduated and got tested that I found out I have dyscalculia . My sister will graduate this year . She reads at about a third grade level ( at best ) , is obviously dyslexic and always has been , but because of a combination of our parents being the shite they are , and the school not caring as long as she scrapes a passing grade in the FCATs , she 's never had the slightest amount of help . I blame the " state " because my main concerns revolve around the FCAT and the state being linked to those test scores . I can 't help but wonder if our teachers weren 't so driven to " teach the test " that they would have cared a little more about the actual progress of their students , or would have done more to prevent kids that didn 't perform well from dropping out . Freshman year , my class had over 400 kids . 143 of us walked on Graduation day . IMO - that is completely unacceptable . @ Seek _ Kolinahr Although I completely believe your school sucked , and that much of FL sucks , and I am not on board totally with the testing , although I do think we need some testing ; some schools in FL seem to be ok . As dpworkin would say , look for the Jews . West Boca and Spanish River High School in Boca have graduation rates of something like 75 - 80 % I think . My sons were self schooling from the very beginning , as all children do . They experiment from the very beginning of understanding . My first was already reading , writing , using addition and subtraction and beginning to understand multiplication . He was starting to use colors and understood that mixing two or more colors resulted in a new color . He knew many shapes and learned new ones easily ( a cone and a cylinder , for example ) . He knew the difference between 2 D and 3 D . @ YARNLADY Was she the same teacher Scout had in " To Kill A Mockingbird ? " ; ) I sometimes had issues with my daughter 's teachers , but usually once they had a chance to get to know her in the classroom they were happy to adjust the reading material for her . She 's 11 now and we 're still trying to get her to use legible handwriting . Maybe she 'll be a doctor someday . Last year when my son started kindergarten , it was really interesting for me to see his reading homework and watch him progress from barely reading to the point his now , toward the end of first grade . My daughter picked it up so young and so fast , we didn 't even realize she could read . This time we get to be a part of the process and share in his sense of accomplishment . We originally thought we would homeschool our kids but decided to start them in public school knowing that we could pull out at anytime . Fast forward to today and our oldest is just finishing her Junior year in public school . Where did the time go ? There have been good times and bad , good teachers and bad , all in all , like life in general . Schools are the same as when I was a child for the most part except things move more quickly and technology is everywhere . Socially , school is a better place than home . Not that it 's easier , sometimes it 's more difficult . But they get much more exposure and experience in dealing with their peers which they will need throughout life . My two kids both have learning disabilities but they 're mainstreamed in the regular classroom . It 's been difficult but some of the resources available through the school have helped . The important point is to be involved . The schools only go so far . We have used learning centers out side of school for help and the internet is a huge boost . There 's no such thing as an Easy IEP for children with learning disabilities but you can find a website about it . http : / / www . easyiephelp . com . And there are plenty of resources like http : / / dictionary . reference . com , that make learning and studying much easier than when we were kids .
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On the day before I 'm supposed to go back to college from my freshman winter break , Nana says I have to go get my Uncle Cleveland . I don 't want the law to get him again , do I , she says . So I go to get her middle boy and coax him down the street . I don 't say no . She 'll just make me . And besides , he won 't be hard to find . I guess you can tell , this ain 't no new shit , me going to get my Uncle Cleveland . But I 'm getting tired of it just the same . But somebody got to do it . Judith won 't . Nana won 't . Uncle Roger ? I don 't think so . That leaves me , Nora Thorn . And even though at nineteen I 'm thinking that I know well enough , there are no guarantees in life for nothing . And people don 't do too many favors , but sometimes there could be an exception . There could be a prayer answered for my Uncle Cleveland . ' Cause he ain 't so bad . God got worse and He know it . Anyway , I find my Uncle Cleveland in a crowd on Lincoln Street . " Yeah , bitch , well , suck my dick ! " says Uncle Cleveland to Mrs . Frazier , who lives alone with two cats and is blind in one eye : cataracts . She got a straw broom , standing on her porch trying to sweep him away . Now , Uncle got a bottle , waving it like he sweeping her back . She starts saying she going to call the police , that he can 't be in her street talking nasty to her . Uncle Cleveland looks into the crowd and starts arguing about whose street it is . He says to the sidewalk , " Sidewalk , this your street ? " He says to the house next door , " Oh , excuse me , house , this here must be yo ' street . " People roll laughing . Mrs . Frazier has one blue roller dancing beside her cheek , she in such a rage . She goes inside the house saying she going to call the law . Uncle Cleveland , he start dancing the old mess around , pumping his hips and raising a brown - bag - covered bottle to the street . " Call the goddamn police , " he says . Now he holds his bottle like a phone . " Call the goddamn po - lice , " he says , as I grab his arm . He howls as he sings , " All I want for Christmas is my two front teef , my two front teef , my two front teef . All I want for Christmas is my two front teef , yeah , man , yeah . I bite a ole - lady bitch in de ole - lady ass . " People who see him now would think that 's how he is , drunk and nasty , cussing in the street and yelling at old women . But he ain 't like that . He don 't put nobody down that don 't start it . When he sober , he will work like a dog all day and not complain . And women , they like him . He can get a woman . So he wasn 't all bad always . And he wasn 't always like this . When he was sober , he planted Mrs . Frazier a tulip garden all in front of her house last year , ' cause he knew she liked tulips . And when she didn 't pay him nothing but three dollars , even though he hauled the soil , and smoothed it , and made sure the flowers grew , he said , " Thank you , ma ' am , " and walked on down the street . Do that sound like somebody cruel ? He could get a job in a minute , my Uncle Cleveland . I know that . He can make anything he wants . Cabinets , tables , wood sculptures : smooth as butter , he makes them . And he wants everything just right . When he sober , the contractors want my Uncle Cleveland ' cause he just so . When I was nine or ten and he came back from the service , for about a month , every day he came in from looking for work . He was looking for an apprenticeship making something , wood preferably . He didn 't want the mill , making sheets and no money he said . When he came home , no matter how tired he was , he would come to me first , come to the door and spin me around like an airplane saying , " How now , black sugar cow , " and we would laugh so hard . He would race me to the bathroom before I peed on myself . So , I ain 't ready to write him off like all the others , like his bitch of an ex - girlfriend Ralinda , who say he ain 't no good . She just mad because he dumped her when she went out on dope . And all those people who say he triflin ' ' cause he spend food stamps at the corner market can kiss my ass , ' cause I know he done worked construction harder and more than they did . And for those who say he drunk all the time , well , so what ? Some of them ugly all the time , and don 't nobody do nothing about that . Uncle Cleveland is just fine , and he going to be just fine . Period . Of course , it don 't help none with some of the stuff he do . Yes , he did plant that tulip garden for Mrs . Frazier , but he came back and peed in it later ' cause he was drunk and forgot his own handiwork . And yes , he did get those construction jobs like I was talkin ' ' bout , but he wasn 't always sober or there on the job . So he got fired a lot . I guess Uncle Cleveland 's drunk a little more than he used to be . And he drive when he shouldn 't sometimes . He got caught for that . They put him in jail , but the Uncle Cleveland I know , he ain 't bad , really . I know right now , in this street , it 's hard to feel so much how good he can be , when you lookin ' at how he seems right now . He drunk as hell , again . I ' ma tell you , it do piss me off that he don 't even know it 's me that got his arm , he so drunk . What piss me off is that he don 't even look at who got his arm , just smiles and walks like we friends . I could be anybody coming to get him . And he going along like he on parade , waving . He still singing as we go down the street about how he in love and how love in love with him . He go into Aretha Franklin 's " Do Right Man , " which he ain 't . I know before we get to the intersection that we going to pass his crew , and it 's all I can do not to spit . Because they triflin ' , not Uncle Cleveland . First , there is Pookey , propping up the front wall of Cooper 's Market , high yellow and jobless . Pookey 's real name is Derrick . He is forty - four years old , smokes weed every day , lives with his mother . Uncle ain 't like that . He got his own place . Sometimes at night you can see Pookey hurrying home to get to her with his arms filled with groceries . The young boys laugh at him , in their puffy jackets of the nineties and backward - turned hats . They don 't laugh at Uncle Cleveland . Oh , yeah , there is Leon ( six - foot - three and forty - five ) and Cleon ( five - foot - two and forty - six ) . No lie , they ain 't twins , the mother just liked the names . They live on West Street and have a German shepherd that they threaten to sic on people if anyone should come into their scanty one - bedroom apartment . They always tell you that they got a couple of women they care of on East Berlin Street . They still say care of and not take care of . Ignorant Negroes . And I done already told you that Uncle can get most women he wants . He don 't mess with young girls , and will beat the living shit out of someone who tries to mess with me when he sober . I can see what 's going on here . People be trying to put Uncle in with all the trash that 's tearing up the neighborhood , but it ain 't like that . Look at them newer thugs down the street . Those the boys so hungry for some fame you can 't even speak to them or you might get your throat slit . Ain 't nobody scared of Uncle Cleveland , nobody . He harmless . It 's them new boys , so bad with their weed and crack and guns that even Baby Freddie scared . Those boys who only old enough to be Baby Freddie 's son , take his weed and whup his ass . My Uncle Cleveland at least live on the fragment of a decent life , not like them crackheads and dogs . My Uncle Cleveland is six feet tall and no inches higher . He is a lean man , and only now at forty - three is his muscle turning to some fat and bones curving from his shoulders . And yeah , he has a wind - whipped look . His feet have lost their arches , as Nana would say , but he ain 't a bad man . He not . He still singing as we pass them , and they know better than to speak ; they just as soon be letting Uncle Cleveland scream in the street to get caught by the police . And they know not to mess with me , ' cause I will turn all they asses in . For real . I give them the look as we go by . They know . My uncle , he singing like he ain 't never seen them . " Rock me tonight , for old time 's sake . He lean to me like we buddies and wiggle his eyebrows . Lord , let her rock me . " And even though I think my Uncle Cleveland funny sometimes , I 'm thinking he shouldn 't be bothering the Lord too much . In fact , the less he say , the better . Today alone he cussed out Mrs . Frazier , got drunk , disturbed the peace , shamed himself in front of society . And a few months ago , Uncle Cleveland shamed me , Jesus , his mama , and a one - eyed cat , when he showed Mr . Tallen , the man who lives behind him , his hemorrhoids while he was showing someone exactly where they could kiss . What I like about my Uncle Cleveland is that he is never embarrassed when he sobers up . He just says , " Did I do that ? " You tell him that it 's so . He say " Okay , " scratch his head , and say he going to try not to do that no more . But he will . Still , it is nice that he says he won 't . I know you don 't believe it , but he is a good man . Uncle Cleveland walking kind of hazy as we come down Rope Lane Street . The street 's all to pieces . Two streets off Lark and the houses look like matchsticks held with Krazy Glue . This where Uncle lives , still renting a shack for $ 180 a month instead of ever owning his own shit . The inside of the house ain 't much to brag about . There is a stove that smokes from the L - shaped pipe coming from it . Inside , there is a bent rusty bloom of color , once yellow in the living room . And I know he could do better . Inside , there 's this one picture with black stains like a nimbus around the head of Jesus and the saints . It seems where that picture is , dreams used to be and awards used to be . He won for poetry several times . He has a song he sings about his awards , a weak - lily song , sung at the top of his lungs . I don 't tell many people Uncle Cleveland can write . Every now and then he says things right like words should be used , and it hurts too much to see what a fucking waste he is . ' Cause he weren 't always like that . ' Cause I 'm just here to get the stuff he needs to stay at Nana 's for a few days before he goes off again . A toothbrush , some clean drawers , clean clothes if I can find them . But this here , this is his green bedroom that I helped paint when I was fourteen . I had made a mess ' cause I got too close to the ceiling while I was on the ladder , and so I painted the ceiling also . Uncle Cleveland didn 't even yell at me . He laughed , said go to the store to pick up some St . Ides beer and a pack of Newports for him . But , hell yeah , he can ; Uncle Cleveland can write . Now , his stuff is raw . He got talent , when he sober . If anyone ever came in here , except that triflin ' Ralinda , I would conduct it like a tour . I would say , " Look over there . That 's where he carved a bird from mahogany , before he sold it for Scotch . " I would say , " Look , don 't it look just like it 's gonna fly ? Don 't you see that eagle over here beside the dove ? " But , of course , couldn 't nobody see it ' cause he done sold it : his work probably in some white lady 's house with her china . But you should know he has made beautiful things in his life . Someone should know it , that people ain 't just to be forgotten . ' Cause Uncle Cleveland 's house ain 't really that bad . I mean , some paint and some food in the house . It needs cleaning . But that 's really all . It 's the toilet I trip over trying to look out that window . It 's that screw out of the side of the toilet that makes me bend down now to fix it , like I never wanted to do before . You trip over what you remember . So , I see it . Hold it in my hand and put it back behind where it was hidden . It 's just a jar behind the toilet , a mason jar with about six teeth in it . Whole single teeth , like they just dropped out , not rotten - healthy , just got - tired - of - hanging - in - and - dropped - out teeth . And Uncle has saved them in a jar behind a dirty commode . And this makes me shake with something hurting . I don 't say nothing . I go through the rooms , seeing the dirty walls and dirty clothes , the places where dreams used to be . I think people going to forget him . Ain 't nobody going to find nothing in this mess . We go to Nana 's . Uncle Cleveland , tired and crashing ; he walk and don 't sing no more . That night , beside Nana , I feel like crying . I hear the fan going and the crickets outside in the back . I hear Nana snore . She content ' cause Uncle Cleveland safe in the house . And I feel stupid when I go into the room off the living room where Uncle Cleveland is sleeping . ' Cause it is stupid to cry over shit that can 't be replaced . " No - no ? " That 's what he call me . " What you … ? " There is one window in the room , up ' cause it 's still a little warm in September . " Who I got to look right fo ' ? I ain 't no woman got to look pretty . Go on , No - no . Go to bed . " I can see his face clearly now , the sucked - in callow of a jaw . It matters . He can 't say it don 't . Uncle stare at me for a minute , look away , and stare again . " Go on to bed , No - no . " My Uncle Cleveland 's hand shaking . He fold my money , put it back in my hand . He turn away . I didn 't mean to shame him . So , he crying ' cause I saw it . He holding his jaw in his arms like it 's a baby . I didn 't mean to shame him . It 's just that it is getting colder , and he ain 't getting any younger . And those boys I told you about earlier , sometimes they talk nasty to him , like they the newer model of a machine . And even though he ain 't really bad , folks don 't understand . And those contracting jobs , he don 't get so many no more ' cause he stay drunk . But I didn 't mean to shame him . But I can 't give him that , you know . They gone , in a mason jar , behind the commode that needs cleaning , behind piss and Ajax , and he don 't know why . Tomorrow , I go back to school . And I 'm thinking that ain 't nobody going to watch him , tell him to come in when it 's raining , turn him sideways so he don 't choke when he drunk . And he ain 't the kind you want to live with , but if someone could see that he 's good enough . I know , I know , there are no guarantees in life for nothing … But somebody got to do it . Judith won 't . Nana won 't . Uncle Roger ? I don 't think so . That leaves me . And I 'm leaving tomorrow .
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Now expected to carry a failing team on his shoulders , Aleksandr 's troubles deepen when he encounters Stephanie after a season - opening loss . His lifestyle of drinking and random hookups has been a futile attempt to forget the beautiful tomboy who stole his heart nine years ago . And worse , fame and fortune have made it impossible for him to trust anyone - - especially Stephanie , who is engaged to another man . Stephanie Hartwell marched into her editor - in - chief 's office , flung the door shut , and slammed her stained coffee mug on his desk . " No . Give me that story , Dave . Those assholes out there have had the chance to prove themselves . A million chances . I didn 't go to USC to write theater reviews . " Dave failed to suppress a smile . " Nothing personal , Steph . The Volynsky trade is a big deal , and I need someone familiar with Seattle sports to cover it . " The veins in her neck throbbed , and a flush burned her face . She 'd never been good at controlling her emotions , especially anger . Especially when he was underestimating her because she had tits . " I 've been here three years . You want experienced ? Volynsky has played all eighty - two games for the past four seasons . Eighty points or higher in each of those seasons . Leads the league in shots on goal and is top ten in assists . He 's a plus - three , plays at least twenty - one minutes a game , and averages forty - eight goals per season . Shall I go on ? " " You know what they call me behind my back , Dave ? ' Puck bunny ' . I played hockey most of my life . I know the game . You show me a puck bunny that does . " She stabbed her finger at him . " Give me the story . " " All right , all right , Jesus . " Dave waved his palms at her like two white flags . He clacked out what she presumed was a follow - up email relieving Shawn of his Volynsky duties . Stephanie tensed in a preemptive , involuntary defensive posture to the expected verbal onslaught once she left Dave 's office . " Not everything is an attack on you , Steph . I 'm on your side . I know you feel like you have to be better than everyone just to be considered average . " Stephanie let her shoulders sink and her fingers uncurl . The muscles in her neck ached . She expelled a long breath and shifted her gaze to the window 's view of Puget Sound . The past compromised her objectivity , but it would not compromise her job . " That 's why you 're the best . Okay , the season opener is tomorrow night . You 're on it . Get him to agree to an exclusive story . I 'll see what I can do on my end . Rumor has it he 's difficult . " She 'd heard all the stories . Everyone had . The hard - drinking , womanizing bad boy . A modern - day Derek Sanderson and stereotypical star athlete , feeding rising public disgust with pro sports salaries , personal conduct , and Seattle 's own taxpayer - funded three - hundred - fifty - million - dollar Amazon Arena . The Seattle Earthquakes had struggled from day one two years ago , in a market with an inexplicable lack of hockey fans , fewer than even Arizona or Florida . Giving away the farm for Volynsky - eight years , ninety - two million dollars , and two top prospects - volatile as he was , became a last - ditch effort to avoid the fates of the Predators , Coyotes , and Panthers , all relocated to Canada . " I deal with bullshit from entitled man - children every day . I can handle him . " She 'd done it before . In another life , when he 'd been someone else . " You got it . " Stephanie plucked her mug from his desk and left the office . Her spine stiffened when she saw Shawn glaring at her over the long table , lined with computers on either side , at which the staff worked . No privacy unless she earned her coveted promotion and an office . " We all know why you wanted that story . " His gaze landed on her chest , which wasn 't large , and she crossed her arms . The mug dangled from her fingertips . She stifled the urge to smash it over his head . That was all the ammo he 'd need to prove he 'd been right all along . She was too irrational , too emotional , to handle the job . " Oh ? Do tell me , Shawn . I mean , we 've had so many deep , meaningful conversations . It couldn 't possibly be because I played hockey from age five until I graduated from college , and still play adult league . " She lifted her chin and drilled her stare into him , hoping his head would explode Scanners - style . " Why don 't you spend less time worrying about me and more time figuring out why you 're such a whiny , self - absorbed , spoiled little shit ? " " Bitch , " he muttered as she walked away . Her back to him , she pretended to let the word roll off her like a raindrop , unimportant and unworthy of her attention . She slid into her chair , furious when tears pricked her eyes . She distracted herself with the mail left beside her monitor during her meeting . The latest People , their " One Hundred Most Beautiful " issue . Mindless eye candy . Just what she needed . She opened the magazine and skimmed the list . Aleksandr Volynsky : With his GQ looks and killer body , this twenty - five - year - old power forward has been setting the NHL on fire for seven seasons already . The six - foot - five Russian stud , as notorious for his off - ice antics as for his puck - handling skills , is surprisingly coy about his love life . " There is someone , yes , " he says . " We 're just not in the same place right now . " Jennifer Loring 's short fiction has appeared in numerous magazines , webzines , and anthologies . In 2013 , she won Crystal Lake Publishing 's inaugural Tales from the Lake writing competition ; in 2014 , DarkFuse published her novella Conduits , and in May 2015 , Omnium Gatherum released her debut novel , Those of My Kind . Jennifer holds an MFA in Writing Popular Fiction and is a member of the Horror Writers Association as well as the International Thriller Writers . She lives in Philadelphia , PA with her husband , a turtle , and two basset hounds and is at work on the sequel to Firebird . I didn 't know what to expect from this book . In fact I spent around fifteen minutes staring at the cover because it played with my head . I also nearly didn 't read it because of the bad experience with the tour company . However , I didn 't think it fair to punish the author for something she didn 't control and I 'm glad I didn 't . The Fall Up was an intriguing and captivating read . Although it deals with serious subjects such as suicide , depression , and over working one 's self , it didn 't feel heavy . There were some moving moments , but I think the author did a good job of balancing these with humour . The Fall Up both tugged on my hearts strings and made my smile . I thought the characters were also engaging and easy to relate to . I 'm glad the author didn 't go down the route of spoiled , arrogant pop star . I found Levee to be a down to earth and caring person . She cared to the point it damaged her own health . It was refreshing for a book with links to the music industry . Similarly , I thought Sam complimented her perfectly . With her comedic phrases , sweet heart , and stubborn personality he was just what Levee needed . He kept her in line and was an all round sweet guy I could easily fall for . The passion between them was also hot and it lead to some steamy scenes that broke up the tension in the book well . The only thing I wanted more of was Levee 's back story . It needed fleshing out more . Overall this book surprised me . I didn 't really know what to expect , but it was a book that dealt with serious issues , but made it feel more like an uplifting story rather than a depressing one . I 'd definitely recommend it . But bitterness was something Toby could never do . He was alive . He had his family and , after being ambushed by a door , he had his eyes on the sexy new innkeeper . Adelaide Nixon had felt the burn of love once punishment she never wanted to feel again , especially when there were two little people who depended on her to keep them safe . The last thing she wanted or needed was the attention of a guy whose family kept the gossip mills turning . But no secret ever stays hidden in a place like Willow Creek . Even as Toby breaks through Addy 's walls , a new threat comes to town , leaving her no choice but to put more than her heart in Toby 's hands and trust him not to destroy her . My Opinion I have no idea what it is about this series that has captivated me and kept me coming back for more . In theory I should hate it because of the kid angle . I 'm not a fan of small towns who are up in everyone 's business , young children , and relationships between parents . However , in this series each book is more endearing than the next and so I 've been excited to read His Lullaby Baby . Just like all of the other books in this series it held my interest and had me unable to put it down . It was a cute read that although has its tough moments , was mostly a heart - warming read of a woman overcoming her past and learning to love . I admired Addy . Although her past is a little predictable , she 's a hard character not to like - - and so were her kids . Their little family was isolated until Toby enters their life and turns it upside down . I like that even then she still wanted to do things for herself and not take advantage of him or his family . Similarly , I enjoyed reading Toby 's persistence . He slowly broke down Addy 's walls and gained her trust . Just like all of the other guys in his family he had a good heart and was an all round good guy . I will admit it took me until around 20 % to remember who he was . The McClain 's family tree is confusing as hell , but I got there in the end . . . I think . Just don 't ask me to explain it , you 're on your own for that . As for the story , it 's a heart - warming read . Some of it is predictable , but it 's a gentle book that I got swept up in . The whole life of the town , closeness of the family , and tightness of the relationships drew me in . Overall another great instalment . If you like sweet reads you 'll want to check this series out . Shaw loves her job as a boudoir photographer . When she enlists hot , gorgeous , 100 % alpha male , Jase Burns for a custom photo shoot for a romance novel cover , she quickly discovers that he only took the job to get close to her . But her painful divorce has made her wary of men , and especially one who is eight years younger than she is . The moment Jase sets his sights on beautiful , sexy Kendall , he wants her . Despite their mutual attraction , she 's rejected his every advance . But Jase loves a good challenge , and one steamy , seductive night at The Players Club changes everything between them . Kendall has never experienced such overwhelming passion , or been pursued so tenaciously . Jase is addicting , in every way , and she soon finds herself falling for a man who doesn 't fit into her ideal future . Can Jase convince Kendall to let go of her past and take a risk on a second chance at love - with him ? My Opinion This was another great continuation of the characters in this series . It felt like a shorter read than the rest of the books , but it was just as enjoyable . Playing With Seduction held my interest well . It was a quick easy read with plenty of passion and I couldn 't put it down . I thought it was sweeter than the rest of the book and slightly more tame with the sex scenes . However , that 's not me saying it was a bad thing . Jace just felt like a good guy . I believed in his emotions for Kendall and that he genuinely cared for her . He also had a dirty side though and it felt like he was in control . Similarly , I understood Kendall 's reasoning for everything . She wanted stability and a family she 'd been denied , but she couldn 't ignore the spark with Jace . This plot does move quickly . There is an element of insta - love and insta - lust about it , but it 's an easy read to get lost in . It was an enjoyable read , although I didn 't want slightly more drama and more pages . Overall a great continuation and I 'll be looking for more by this author . Brutal . Mixed Martial Artist , Ryland " The Savage " Cole doesn 't play by the rules . He wants it . He takes it . And he wants Jade . Professional cuddler Jade has not only been hurt but also deceived by the one she once loved . She 's not going to make a mistake again by giving her heart to a man . Especially since she 's now free . When a motorcycle club threatens her best friend , she puts her life on the line in order to save him , but in order to do that , she must spend every night in Ryland 's arms . My Opinion As many of you who follow my reviews know , I have a high standard when it comes to fighter romances . Having read so many , I know what I like and what I don 't . However , I can 't get enough of them and the biker twist the blurb hinted at in this book intrigued me further . I will admit that Want had a rocky start . The writing was a bit confusing and it wasn 't very clear what was going on . It felt like the author was trying to keep back certain information to create mystery , but the answers are in the blurb so it wasn 't necessary . Anyway , of course that made me wary as I continued , but I was pleased to find it soon picked up and got better as it went on . When Ryland started changing the game things became interesting and I liked the tension and spark between him and Jade . With regards to the characters in general , I liked Ryland . He was the typical alpha / caveman fighter who fought for what he wanted in and out of the ring . He didn 't always use words , but his actions were hot . As for Jade , she was feisty . I 'm not sure I connected with her fully , but I liked her enough to care what happened . I enjoyed her stubbornness and the reactions it provoked from Ryland . She was unconventional , but I believed in her . The one thing I 'm not totally convinced about is the ending . I get what the author was trying to do , but it all seemed a little unbelievable . I needed more details for me to buy into it because I was left asking too many questions . < spoiler > How did Ryland know where she was ? Why did Maverick help ? What was in it for him ? Where did Ryland get all of the gear ? How did a bullet only gaze her of it was pressed right against her head ? < / spoiler > As you can see things just didn 't add up for me . Up until that point I was really enjoying the book , but I did roll my eyes at this . I think it would have been better without all of the guns and gangs . It was too over the top and out of nowhere . Overall though the majority of this book was a good read . I thought the author did a good job with the MMA side of things and the chemistry bet3 . 5 Posted by For years , I lived for the job and let it control me . Violence was all I knew . I protected , killed , and served . My name is Blake Evans , one of the best undercover cops in the country . I thought I was about to live a quiet life on my ranch in Wyoming until an old friend showed up and changed everything . He brought me her , Hadley Rivers , country music sensation and the one woman I couldn 't have . I didn 't want her but she had me completely roped in . My job is to protect her , to keep her away from some psycho who wants her for himself . However , there 's more to her story than I was led to believe . I promised to keep her safe and I won 't back down . . . even if I have to die trying . I can 't let him have her . Sigh . . . She 's done it again . I 'm not usually a fan of cowboy romances , but I could read about LP 's characters non - stop . I seriously don 't think there 's a type of male lead she could write about I wouldn 't love . Although I was hesitant about Roped In because of the cowboy element , I think it 's in the top 5 of my favourite books by LP . Her fighters will always hold the top spot , but Blake was a good match for them especially with the undercover cop element . He was strong , sexy , in control , and moved from a jackass to a sweet but possessive alpha male . I enjoyed watching him come to terms with his feelings for Hadley and in turn how they were drawn together . I thought it was a well paced romance that kept me entertained . I especially loved bet , but you 'll have to read Roped In to find out what that 's about . As for the story , it kept me engaged and I had to read it in one sitting . In a way I wish this author would make her books less thrilling because they 're over within a day and I can 't get enough . Her writing is just brilliant . Sure , there are times in the story where you know what 's going to happen ahead of time , but I never quite figured it all out for once . There were some surprising twists . I won 't say anymore , you 'll just have to read this book for yourself . I love LP 's work and can 't recommend her highly enough . Any book by her will entertain you and her male characters are second to none . Now to try and wait patiently for the next release . to avoid , but when he saves her from a frat party gone bad , all her rules about sex and love fly out the window . She gives him one night of unbridled passion , but he longs for more . With only a cardboard - thin wall separating their bedrooms , he dreams of possessing the vulnerable girl next door forever . One night . Two damaged hearts . The passion of a lifetime . * a modern love story inspired by Pride and Prejudice * My Opinion I won 't lie , I bought this book for the cover alone . Because , seriously ? It 's a great cover . When I found out it had links to fighting I was even more excited . I was also intrigued by the British element , however , I 'm really not sure what to make of Dirty English now . Parts of this book were great and then parts really irritated me . I think I wanted to like it more than I did . It was okayfor the most part , but I have read better in this genre . This book started off strong . It did pull me in and you instantly feel sympathy towards Elizabeth . Similarly , Declan is intriguing when he first comes on the scene and I did like their romance . When the couple were together things were intense and there was a spark . However , for me , I didn 't fall in love with the writing style . At times it felt very wooden and stilted , while at others there were major over shares . For a guy who 's supposedly as strong as Declan he sure spilled his guts quickly about his parents and the likes of . I didn 't find that very believable and it left little room for development . Similarly , although Elizabeth was a little more reserved , she also cracked too easy . None of the issues felt like a big deal . They just blurted them out and if it was me I 'd be more wary of a stranger if I supposedly had rules about fighters , drunks , and good looking men . The other problem I had was the stereotypical British language . For God 's sake , not everyone in the UK talks like Hugh Grant in Bridget Jones ! ! Yes , us Brits use ' bloody ' and ' bollocks ' but they are not the only words we use . I also detest the word shag and in twenty - one years I can honestly say I 've never heard one Brit use it unless they were in a movie . It drives me insane when American authors dump every stereotype in a book . I understand the need to make a distinction , but the are hundreds of accent in the UK and the stereotypes needed to be used with caution and sparingly . It made Declan sound like a posh twat and didn 't fit with his character . Overall this was an okay read . I think I expected too much going2 . 5 Posted by Ugh . . . I really should have given up on this book when I first started to lose interest . Sadly , I continued with the hope it would pick up or the reveal would redeem it . Needless to say it didn 't . The cover and blurb were what intrigued me into reading Double Down . It sounded like it would be an action - packed , edge of your seat read with a forbidden romance thrown in . However , I think the blurb greatly oversold it and was slightly misleading as this book didn 't live up to any of that . For one , Cassidy only gets up on stage once . Sure she has a series of slutty outfits , but the implication that she has to strip to solve the case isn 't delivered upon . Secondly , where the hell was the romance ? It was a feeble , wet relationship that didn 't have any spark . There wasn 't even much interaction between Cassidy and Lorenzo . It was definitely the biggest disappointment . As for the actual plot , I was bored . Something with the writing didn 't mesh with me . I found the whole plot to be too easy . For an undercover cop , Cassidy sure took a lot of risks that could have blown her cover . I 'd have thought someone investigating ex - mafia would have been a little more careful , especially with her questions . She sounded like a cop the whole way through and I found it really unbelievable that no one wondered why she was so interested . The twist / murderer was also predictable . I read on hoping I was wrong , yet I was just left disappointed . Overall , this read was a big let down for me . I wish I 'd stopped reading at 30 % . For a romance publisher , I expected more . the sheets … and without the sheets . But there are rules . Dating and sex are exclusive until one of them decides to terminate the agreement . No slumber parties . And if either party becomes emotionally involved they will break things off with no hard feelings . When unexpected news This was a very different read to what I was expecting . . . Generally , I like reads from this publisher . However , this one missed the mark for me and for that reason I 'm not going to go into too much detail . The main thing I struggled with in A Friendly Arrangement was so it was cheesy . The entire relationship and conversations were over the top and had me cringing at times . It didn 't feel natural . I wanted to like Roth and Holly but then they 'd go and say something stupid . They also felt very immature and childish in their interactions . Moreover , I didn 't really fall in love with the story . I normally like the friend to relationship trope , but this one didn 't work for me . I found myself skimming a lot . It was predictable and there wasn 't much depth to it . Everything was summed up in large info dumps and I felt very little chemistry between the characters because of it . Overall if you like your romances on the cheesy side you may enjoy this but it wasn 't for me . the death of her twin sister , Lily can 't bear to be touched . Not accidentally , not casually … and certainly not intimately . This makes it impossible for her to confess to her best friend Adam Roberts that she 's of a car and on the racetrack . Nikoli has a limited edition 1970 Plymouth Barracuda she covets , so she informs him the terms of their deal also require he not sleep with anyone for six months . If he does , she 'll win the car . If she surrenders and ends up in his bed , his beloved ' Cuda is his to keep . In an intricate dance of control and surrender , a reluctant friendship becomes something more . Lily begins to crave things she never believed she could , and Nikoli realizes there is more at stake than his reputation . If Lily overcomes her phobia , will she crave Adam 's touch as she 's starting to crave Nikoli 's ? Or will she only find pleasure from the touch of a semi - reformed manwhore ? My Opinion Although I 've seen this author around social media a lot , this is the first book I 've read by her . Her other genres aren 't really my thing , but I was intrigued to see how she 'd cope with the move to a NA romance . I didn 't know what to expect , but I definitely didn 't expect what I got . Touch Me Not was just one of those reads that drew me in and refused to let me put it down . I seriously stopped a lot of work that needed to be done and am going to have to spend tomorrow playing catch up . It was a sweet , endearing read and I felt for the characters every step of the way . I thought the concept and Lily 's problems were different . I liked her growth and thought it was believable . She was one of those heroines you can 't help but love . She was sweet , slightly nerdy , yet held her own . She stood up for herself and wasn 't afraid to be her true self . For that I respected her . Similarly I liked the games she played with Nik . I felt and believed in the connection between them both , and I thought the relationship was crafted well . I liked Nik 's development and the kinder side I saw to him around Lily . He won me over and that slight hint of dominance gave him a little extra edge to balance out his good side . As for the story , for the majority I really liked . I fell in love with the romance and characters and didn 't what the book to end . There was only one issue I had , which is why this isn 't a five star read for me , and that was the ending . The serial killer plot thread felt a bit out of place to me . I don 't know if this is going to be a series , but I didn 't feel it added anything . I won 't give away the ending either but it felt a bit random to me . I had a gut feeling something was going to happen but the motives were so out of the blue it confused me slightly . When combined with the killer hints I just don 't think it worked . For me it needed to be one or the other . Overall though I really enjoyed this book . You wouldn 't be able to tell this is the author 's first time writing in this genre if you didn 't already know . The story is w4 . 5 world , face up to his responsibilities . Jack has a plan , to track down his elusive creative spark . When Laura ambushes him he 's found it . Now to light the fuse , sit back and enjoy the fireworks . . . " If you love a sexy , sizzling book that packs an emotional punch , you 've just found your perfect next read . Five sparkly stars from me . " Kitty French , USA Today Bestselling Author . Laura : ' I live in London and work in a florists , though I do a bit of waitressing in the evenings as well , to make some extra money . With the mess my sister Sophie has got into we 're going to need every penny and it 's not like I can rely on Mum now , commissions have made me rich and critics have named me as one of the greatest portrait painters of the twenty first century . Apparently I 'm the ' bad boy of the art - world ' , or so my publicist would have you believe . But I 've got a problem , my creative spark is ominously absent , it 's been AWOL for a while . I 'm busy procrastinating when Laura rockets into my life , bringing the elusive spark of inspiration with her . Sounds good , yes ? Right up to the point when she opens her mouth and what she says . . . well , let 's just say her accusation leaves me reeling . It 's not long though before I realise I can turn the situation to my advantage . Seduction is an art and I 've been told I 'm a skilled artist in more ways than one . I 'm all for taking opportunities to perfect my art . With Laura my plan is simple - light the fuse and then sit back and enjoy the As most of you who follow my reviews will know , I love Lorraine Wilson 's Chalet Girl series . They 're sweet , short reads with just the right amount of cheesy to put a smile on my face and get me in the mood for winter . Therefore I was excited to follow this author as she ventured into self - publishing . The Art of Seduction comes with everything I 've grown to love about this author . Although it 's longer than her previous novellas , it 's still a short read I breezed through . It 's a cute book and one that held my attention well . The writing was easy to follow and it flowed to create a simple story that immersed me in the art world . I especially liked the art theme . I 'm a very creative person who 's always painting or doing some kind of craft , so I enjoyed the world the author created . It was a little different to other books I 've read and it made for an interesting relationship with artist and muse . As for the Jack and Laura , although I didn 't think there was as much chemistry as in this author 's others work , I did engage with them . Things didn 't delve too deeply into a back story and there was probably more emotion and plot that could have been included , but like I said it was short and easy . It was what I needed for the day I was having . Overall , her Chalet Girls are still my favourite , but this was a good read . He was trouble from the start , but I couldn 't resist . She was the best kind of trouble . The kind that was so wrong , it felt right . I 've tried and failed to stay away from him . I 've done everything in my power to make her mine and keep her . He 's almost impossible to say no to . She never tells me yes . We 're always fighting . When we 're not fighting , we 're … well … making up . He makes me laugh so hard . I miss her laugh the most . I 'm a liar . She knows the truth , but won 't admit it . Sometimes , I wish I 'd never met him . I wish we could meet all over again . I 'd do better . His girlfriend knows . The guy she 's with is a fool . I 'll never love anyone like I love him . She doesn 't love me enough to choose us . It was the wrong place . It was the wrong time . It should have been him . It will always be her . This book contains adult situations and is recommended for adult readers . My Opinion I 'm going to keep this short . Reads about cheating aren 't usually my thing , especially when that 's the entire plot . However , this author is attending a signing I 'm going to and Bait was free so I thought I 'd give it a go . Whilst I ended up reading until the end , this wasn 't a book I could love . Something about it made me read on - - it reminded me of a car crash , you know what 's coming and you know you 're not going to like it but you look anyway . That 's the feeling Bait gave me . I couldn 't root for the love interest between Casey and Blake , and I couldn 't like Blake . To me she was a selfish asshole with no backbone . I can handle small cheating , but Blake never grew . She was weak in my eyes and the whole thing went on way too long . You don 't hear much about Grant , yet you still feel for him . He was the only character I felt anything for . It was all kind of twisted and a hard book to like for that reason . I can 't root for a main character who does what Blake does . Overall , it 's one of those reads I kept reading out of morbid curiosity . I couldn 't like the characters or the situation , but the writing was good . Neve Colvin isn 't good enough . As an introvert , her life is a never - ending list of labels and criticism . Pressures to change come from everyone - including the one person she thought would love her unconditionally … her mother . All Neve wants is acceptance , but surrounded by extroverts it 's a wish that 's nearly impossible to fulfil . That person is her lifelong friend Blake Reynolds . He 's seen the fights with her mum , the breakdowns caused by attacks on her personality , and the battles for acceptance . Each time she is left shattered and questioning who she is , he 's the one to collect the pieces of her broken heart . Shielding her from the cruelty is his only concern . But how can he protect her when Neve is concealing a secret so dark ? Blake thinks he knows everything about her , and with their relationship developing , he assumes Neve trusts him fully . However , there is one memory Neve is too ashamed of to share . Revealing it will test Blake 's loyalty beyond what she could ever ask , and Blake is the only friend she can 't afford to lose . He 's the one person capable of dragging her from the darkness plaguing her , but with pressures to conform increasing , even Blake may not be enough to pull her back this time . Mia Hoddell lives in the UK with her family and two cats . She spends most of her time writing or reading , loves anything paranormal or romantic , and has an overactive imagination that keeps her up until the early hours of the morning . By the age of nineteen , Mia had published nine books , including the Elemental Killers series and the Seasons of Change series . Since then , her books have charted on numerous Amazon Bestseller Lists , and she has also had poems published in many anthologies . With an ever growing list of ideas , Mia continues to create fictional worlds through her writing , and is trying to keep up with the speed at which her imagination generates them . She also designs book covers and banners on her website M Designs Author Links : 2014 Reading Challenge Sienna has read 1 book toward her goal of 100 books . hide 1 of 100 ( 1 % ) view books 2013 Reading Challenge Sienna has read 1 book toward her goal of 60 books . hide 1 of 60 ( 1 % ) view books 2012 Reading Challenge Sienna has read 0 books toward her goal of 20 books . hide 0 of 20 ( 0 % ) view books Goodreads
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That said , being that I haven 't figured this blogmonster out just yet ( see ? I 'm not even a good nerd . . . ) I 'm going to have to ghetto - link someone else 's blog until I can pull my head out of my ASSessment of my current state of idiocrity ( and yes , that is a new word copyrighted by me , use it at your leisure , kiddies ) . and for everyone that has told me , " But Bush iz stoopid ! The Iraqians don 't even lyke us an ' they dont want us there ! LOLZ ! " Please , read a few entries , and rethink your life . Imagine people with slightly educated opinions , wow , wouldn 't that be something to see ? That being said , his blog is a bit inspiring , not to mention refreshing . I could also link someone 's news blog , someone Gilliard or something like that , but that would be counterproductive . If I wanted nothing but bad news and negative outlooks on the overall situation , I 'd watch CNN . But hey , Gilly , as long as you 're doing your part to inform the people and make a difference with your pessimism , as opposed to taking SOME form of action and trying to physically make the situation better , more ' power ' to you . But just to play fair , I 'll read more of what you 've written , and if I DO find something uplifting in there , then I will post a follow - up to this and will clearly state that I WAS WRONG . That is , if I can wade through your spirit - crushing reports without asphyxiating myself with an oversized sandwich bag first . " Ok , Ryan , shut your stupid mouth about all that stuff that no one cares about . Get to the GOOD stuff ! Tell us about your day ! We want to know ! We can 't get enough of you ! MORE ! We are RAVENOUS FOR RYAN ! ! ! " I awoke early in the morn , while birds sang and cherubs played their harps for me , and Michael Jackson decreed that he would receive a fair trial . What a great day . The paper talked about the SUCCESS of the Iraqi elections . If Al Qaeda were smart , they 'd see the error in their ways ( and how much time , energy , money , LIVES they are wasting ) and give up , and take up . . . . I dunno . . . ship - in - a - bottle building or something . Follow the French national slogan , " We surrender . " Just kidding , France . I 'm jus playin ' , y ' all know I love you . My car has officially been sold , got that title changed over . Waited for a notary for an hour , and once she finally arrived , she told us that the previous notary - ationismness was still valid , and we didn 't need her . I could have clubbed her with a baby seal for that one . Met with my recruiter , cool guy . I felt compelled to harass him about his 103 * fever , and why he bothered to come to work , or why he wasn 't atleast golfing or something , but then I realized that this is the dude that 's going to count my pushups , situps , and time my mile run . So I played nice . All bets are off tomorrow though , pal . Pushups ? Sucked . Did I get the minimum ? Ha ha ha ha ha , yes . And then some . And by some I mean SOME . Leave it at that . Situps ? He stopped me after one minute and said that I was good to go . I 've never had a problem with situps . But personally , I felt I could have done a lot better . . . . no , I KNOW I could have done a lot better , on all three tests . The mile ? Come on , I 'm a skinny dude with long legs , running is no ordeal . Wait . . . . Oh yeah , I hadn 't eaten all day , and hadn 't COMPLETELY totally given up smoking altogether ( though it had been a few days , so that 's no excuse . . . ) . So there I am , running my little heart out , feeling good about life and how unbelievably man - gorgeous I am , and I finish my first lap , and I 'm thinking to myself , " Well shit , this is gonna be over before I know it . That kind of sucks . " And pretty soon , I hit my brick wall . And I can clearly see the writing on the wall . It said thus : And so I 'm still frollicking down the track , the drawstrings from my hoody hitting me in the face due to all the fucking wind . At this point , I decide to set a pace for myself and maintain it so that I dont totally die . The rest of the mile was pretty uneventful , aside from one point at which I decided it was necessary to spit that sticky shit in the back of my throat out . They say hindsight is always 20 / 20 , and it proves true in this case . It would have logically been a good idea to consider the direction and force of the wind along with my momentum and inertia . Long scientific explanation short , I spit , spit hits face , Ryan feels stupid . It wouldn 't have been so traumatic , had it been NORMAL spit . That stuff doesn 't cling like a frightened child at a drive - thru daycare . Check - A - Child . Now , NORMALLY I don 't like to eat . Sorry , I just don 't care for it . Fuck food and fuck you . Its a pain in the ass . But as I left the recruiters ' , I stopped in at Kicker 's to kick it with Rachie , and that compassionate and kind soul offered me free food . I put that food down like Old Yeller . Oh , and looks as though I 'm starting to get more traffic . To those of you who don 't know me that are checking this totally tubular website , welcome . Feel free to post comments , even anonymous people can . Those that know me , leave your name in the post . Those that don 't , if you want to leave your email address , go right ahead . And here is my civilian salute to you . I came home this afternoon , and even though I 've been busting my ass to see everyone one last time ( most people won 't be around here in four years ) , there isn 't enough time . Starting to feel like a ghost already , which is basically what I will be in Great Falls . A face on a milk carton . Talked to one of my uncles , who was an MP during Desert Storm , and he personally wouldn 't have suggested infantry . Don 't worry , I too wonder what the hell I 'm getting myself into . His advice for pretty much everything during that conversation was " Duck and cover . " Pretty soon , I came to realize that ' duck and cover ' translates to ' you 're fucked , pal . ' When one is ducking and covering , one can kiss their ass goodbye . My family wants to come to Butte with me . Understandable . Not much to say about that . My old man isnt too cheery about me leaving , which again , is understandable . What are you gonna do though ? Just fucking do it . I won 't lie though , I 'm feeling incredibly low right now . I 'd like to just go to sleep , but that would be throwing even more time away . I 've got phone calls to make , but I should also relax . I may spend a long time in the hottub tonight . I guess there isnt a whole lot to say really , feeling down , but chin up and all that cliche shittyness . Just fucking do it . Phew , now I feel better . I haven 't been up to anything notable the past few days . I opened a bank account at the same bank that I swore off , funny how that works . My recruiter recommended this particular bank , saying that it had the best military benefits . Roger that . Haven 't successfully screwed anyone into joining along with me , so there goes Private First Class . As for the memorization of all sorts of information such as rank structure , etc , that 's no problem . And the PT test ? Situps , no problem . Running ? No problem . Pushups ? Eh . . . problem . Not enough time to improve . I 'll need a strong dissociative while I 'm doing that PT test , so that I won 't realize how badly my arms are dying from the evil and hateable pushups I must do . ( This babbling roughly translates to " . . . And there goes Private E2 as well . Hello Private E1 . " ) The family is having a farewell party for me , but I prefer to call it a " One less mouth to feed , one less tax break " party . Don 't worry , you 'll get used to the dry and cynical humor . On a serious note , everyone has been reasonably cool about this entire ordeal , and there are a lot of people who are demanding that I write them . Why do I have the feeling that I 'll hardly ever find the time ? Right now , APPARENTLY , fit is hitting the shan with the whole Iraqi Elections Ordeal . My banker said that he hopes that there 's a good turnout for the elections , and that this doesn 't all erupt into civil war . Yeah , after hearing that , I started smoking again . You 've got to wonder what the deal is with some of these people . They 're going to better their country by killing people so that everyone else is afraid to use their voice ? Call me narrow minded , but I 'm really not seeing things from their point of view . They consider the rising amount of civilian casualties to be acceptable loss to ensure that one religious sect or another is in power ? Does this mean that they WANT conflict to resume in this area ? They would rather NOT have a collective government , elected on merit vs who you know ( well . . . . I guess I have to leave that one alone ) ? I guess that 's one thing I won 't understand . I think I 'm butchering something I heard from a comedian here , in fact I 'm sure that 's what I did . Heard something funny , and I tainted and slaughtered and Frankensteined his idea , fashioning it into some mindless tirade of my own , that would be funny , if it didn 't suck so badly . But here it is anyways , eat it up , kids : Ever wonder about the psychology of suicide bombers ? They 've been told that they will die and go to paradise , where they are met by 71 virgins ( or maybe 71 crystal clear raisins = P ) . Well , if you think about it , I suppose it adds up . Assuming that there is a place that dead people can go that does in fact house 71 virgins , then the rest slowly starts to make sense . You strap a bomb onto yourself and kill a bunch of people , because that 's the brave thing to do , and you die oh so gloriously and the world is a better place . The bomb goes off , and you are liquified . Well , part of blowing yourself up is that your man - genitals are ALSO destroyed . We 've all learned from popular news that the penis is NOT indesctructable ( cough , John Bobbit , cough ) so therefor , we can assume that the Brave and Intrepid Suicide Bomber of Ultimate Righteousness is going to sacrifice his life and his wang at the press of a button . Then this brave and caring soul is transported to the Land of A Bunch of Virgins . Upon arriving , the ethereal matter that WAS a suicide bomber realizes that he no longer has a penis . Therefore , the 71 virgins will REMAIN virgins . Welcome to hell , you thick fuck . Whenever I talk about having enlisted , a lot of people 's reaction is something along the lines of , " Good luck man , I hate your boss . " I usually respond by saying , " I 've never met him . " I 'm glad he 's the President and not me . I don 't want to do that . That just doesn 't sound like the relaxing job that would suit me . I 'd prefer to run a LOT and get yelled at by drill sergeants a lot , and do a LOT of pushups , and train with weapons ( actually that part I really DO want to do ) yaddah yaddah , goober - dee - gop . Insert humor here . K , first off , not every enlisted person is a combatant . Second , I do believe that the oilfields have been turned over to the interim government o ' Iraq . " U R stoopid , that iz just a puppit orgunization uv the yoonited states ! " Well , I 'm very sure . I 'm kind of curious as to where this obsession with conspiracy comes from ? Sure , we all like to think that the world is a big evil scary place and you can 't trust your government , because they just HAVE to be stiffing us , and we 're all just subjects , and only Eddie Vetter can save us . If you want , I can prattle on with more sarcasm , but I think I laid that on thick enough . If not , take a look at the alternative / grunge generation . Yeah , where are they ? They either all got a clue and became normal people , or the hardcore ones died , like Kurt Cobain ( and no , I will not debate as to whether or not Courtney had him killed , because I really don 't care ) . So let 's be purely hypothetical and assume that Mr Bush truly IS the boogeyman that my peers feel I should see him as . . . . . . Wait , hold on , I 'm trying to stop laughing , give me a minute . Great , I just imagined Kerry cutting all of our budgets to increase UN funding , cutting CIA and NSA budgets in half and FBI budget by 80 % , voting against BODY ARMOR FOR U . S . TROOPS , as well as the M1 Abrams , and oh , pretty much every military bill that came up for review since 1980something or another . Wow , I sure want HIM to lead . I remember reading about infantry training after their budget had been cut a few years back . During training exercises , rather than using blanks or training rounds or whatever , the soldiers would point their guns and yell " Bang bang bang , " or my favorite of the two , " Budget cuts ! Budget cuts ! " I don 't claim a political party , because I 'm just too cool for that , I 'm like M . C . Hammer , and you can 't touch this . But I don 't mind having a Republican increase defense spending . It sounds like a good idea to me . You know , I think that maybe that 's because we have the funding , the experience , and the training . Oh wait , since right now , all is good and peachy , should we cut loose ? Yeah , the hell with research and training and all of this nonsense gobbledygook . What a HORRID idea ! Because without working to stay where we are , I 'm POSITIVE that we 'll just magically stay dominant and able to defend ourselves . For anyone who has the opinion used as example above , please rethink . . . . well , everything . Especially if you 're paying money to be taught to think that , which I 'm sure you aren 't , but one can never be sure . There are overly liberal college professors , aren 't there ? I wouldn 't know . I 'm letting the Army toss $ 37 , 000 to whatever college I decided to slump into . Student loans ? What the hell are THOSE ? Yyyyyyeah . Well , unless I 'm mistaken , Saddam and Co . weren 't very nice , so please , don 't try to jerk my tears out that way . And if you think that the people of Iraq were better off with that leadership , do me a favor and read up on Uday and Qusay Hussein . Then I might consider talking to you , after I 'm done GUTLAUGHING . We rolled on into the building , where the twenty of us enlistees were crammed into the little entryway room . Some guy who I imagine probably works there briefed us on not having knives , or some weird mumbo jumbo like that . Long story short , he talked a lot . Then we entered Willy Wonka 's Chocolate Factory , I mean , MEPS , and had our bags checked and we got metal detected . That was only the first time of the day that I was to feel violated . After that , we were handed folders full of paperwork about us and how bad we sucked . We were sorted into lines based on some weird criteria , like who needed full physicals , and who needed to be put in a cannon and shot into space , or somehting like that . After a couple lifetimes of really stupid paperwork that we had already done , we were then ONCE AGAIN herded like cattle through a series of obstacle courses , I mean , stations . Another old doctor touched my scrotumhood and made sure that I still had an anus . And no , he did not stick his finger in there . Go back to your romance novels . We 'd all been drinking shitloads of water so that we could all have a nice piss in a cup so the doctor , who was scary , could stick some kind of home pregnancy test paper in there , or something like that . I think it actually checked for diabetes , but hey , who knows ? A few guys got stage fright . I pissed like a motherfucker because I 'd been guzzling down water to make sure I weighed enough , because again , I want your tax dollars . After that , I dont really remember . Give me a minute . . . . Ok , yeah , then we sat around and were really bored , and I was so tired I didnt know what the hell was going on . So I kept drinking water to make me fat . Then the fun part . The Doctor of DOOM herded all of us sexy man specimens into this room and made us get nekked except for our boxers . Then we had our height and weight measured . After that , the Master Sergeant guy had us do these really strange and stupid maneuvers , which actually determine whether or not you have joint problems , etc , but since I 'm tired and cranky , they are stupid and so are you . Then we ate , and by this time , I had no clue where the fuck I was , when I was , or why I was . And I 'm exaggerating . The food wasnt that great and I didnt feel like eating , but what can ya do ? Then we all sat around a TV and waited until we were singled out to do more paperwork and then talk to a career counselor to lock our jobs for the final time , and get some stuff in a backpack . At this point , I was tired , miserable , and wanted to go to sleep , but I couldn 't . I really wasn 't thinking straight , and I was very bitter and angry and I wanted to hurt something . But since I 'm a smart cookie , I didn 't say anything . ' Son , have you ever smoked marijuana ? ' Then I waited for another ungodly amount of time , and then Aaron and I played some pool , and I rocked his shit , but barely . Which translates to ' he scratched on the 8 Ball when neither of us had any left , and no one cares about pool ' . We were then paged to go to the front desk thing . When we did in fact GO to the front desk thing , this short stocky blonde navy dude escorted us to this small and prestigious looking little room . He then read CRUCIAL INFORMATION about what happens to us if we go AWOL , Dessert , or Dessert during wartime . Oh , and he read all of this EXTREMELY IMPORTANT INFORMATION so fucking quickly that you couldn 't understand what the fuck he was saying . He was basically making a joke out of the whole thing , while also informing us that if we dessert the Army during wartime , we can be executed . After that cockless piece of shit left , a 1st Lieutenant came into the room , stood at the podium , and swore us in . At the same time , Bush was being sworn in again . I thought that was cool . But the gravity of the whole situation really hit me as we were swearing in . Aaron and I were both standing at position of attention , with our right hands raised , repeating the words we 're supposed to , vowing to serve this country , and acknowledging that it is now our duty to obey the orders of the President of the United States . First off , it will easily become apparent as to exactly how ri - goddamn - diculously tired I am . I 'm back from MEPS , but I havent slept at all since I left . So I 'm very vershuvvled . I went on down to the recruiter 's office and waited . There , waiting was a dude whose last name I won 't give . Instead , we 'll call him Polsen . Polsen and I are chilling at our designated chill spot , and a the brother of a dude I mentioned before then showed up . He was also drinking an asston of water . His name shall be Sam . Finally , after Jesus Christ had risen again and become a Reggae mogul , we were ready to leave . So we piled into a minivan and we sat in the aforementioned minivan and waited and waited while Butte moved closer to our idiotic asses . Then one day , we magically arrived there in Butte , and we descended upon the golden heavens that is The Red Lion Hotel , or something like that . We checked into our rooms , and decided that we were hungry . So , being that we were hungry , and hungry was what we were , we decided to use our MEPS benefit , and get some free food from the restaurant . And so we did . The three of us neat dudes were joined by another dude who had already done some academy shit , and so he naturally knew everything , and oh , what do you know , I really don 't care . I ate a lot because I had to be sure that I made my weight class for my height , being that that would be a good thing , so that I could qualify and thus finish my enlistment , so that I can get paychecks from your tax dollars , you dirty fiend . My recruiting Sergeant of ultimate Sargemanly recruitingness suggested that I eat a lot of bananas , because apparently they make you heavier or dont leave your system too soon , or some stupid Wiccan bullshit like that . So being the total dumbfuck retard that I am , I ate all of the bananas he brought me except for one . I ate . . . . A LOT OF FUCKING BANANAS . I mean a lot . Enough to the point where if I see another banana , I will projectile vomit off - white banana cream goo , and then kill someone . I think I made up a new word , since we 're on the subject : ' banana - shits ' . Yeah , fuck you . We ate , and then we decided that we were bored . Sam = my roommate for the night , also infantry . Aaron = a very cool lineman - high - shool - jock kind of guy . You need to know this . Or I shall kill you . So there was a rather decent number of us ( we , as a collective were known as MEPSs . MEPS stands for Military Entrance Processing Station , or Military is Entering your Poop Shoot . ) and we decided that we were bored . So , we coerced a woman who operates the hotel shuttles ( really oversized fuckin weirdo van things ) to take us to WalMart . Upon arriving , we secured a Nerf football , a whiffle ball and bat , jello , and I think we forgot the duct tape . . . Anywho , we returned to the hotel , after much ragging on the weird old shuttle driver lady , and proceeded to head back upstairs to our corridor . Once there , we decided it necessary to play whiffleball in the hallway . Needless to say , we made mucho noise while stupid people tried to get stupid sleep . After POSSIBLY ( I cant be sure ) breaking a light fixture ( it may have just been loose , you know , and not totally destroyed . Honest ) , we did the diplomatic thing and laid the whifflebat to rest . We then proceeded to the swimming pool area where we played with the Nerf football , which for some reason involved making a really big mess and knocking all the patio furniture over and / or in the water , and hitting people 's room windows . After a rather short time , the bartender lady bravely trekked to our location and ( strangely enough ) asked us to play outside in the most polite of manners . So we did . And we had lots of fun sliding around in the slush , and getting in the way of the hotel 's traffic . We just couldn 't win . So , we headed back upstairs , where nearly all of the MEPS males ( and a Navy recruiter who was surprisingly cool ) decided that we should all sit in the hall , throwing the balls against random doors and walls as we conversed loudly about whatever we wanted . Then some old guy walked out of his room with his suitcase ( the one with the cute little wheels , AWWWW ! ! ! ! ) and stormed down the hall , bitching because he couldn 't sleep . I played the world 's smallest violin for him . Ran into a kid I used to know from a different town who is joining the Navy , blah blah blah , boring boring boring your mother never loved you , bling bling blah , and then everyone went to bed . Sam , Aaron , and I couldn 't and really didn 't feel like sleeping . So Aaron and I had fun at his roommate 's expense with a thread and a bottle of shaving cream , as the worthless mug was sleeping . Unfortunately , he woke up before I could take a picture , but I did get a good one of Aaron and I running around the hotel as shirt ninjas . Anywho , the chode woke up , and we retreated to our own room and fetched Sam , and the three of us brave souls trekked to Denny 's , where we enjoyed coffee , food , laughter at the waiter 's expense , and coloring crayons ( I 'm not kidding . We drew some cool shit on our meal tickets ) . We had already showered before we received our 5 AM wakeup call . So we foxtrotted on down to the restaurant as I pounded down more bananas , and we enjoyed coffee . I really don 't remember why , but the waitress called me an asshole under her breath . What a bitch . I 'll see you when I come back from Butte , and you can 't escape that , pal . And then when I return again , I 'll get what I told you I 'd get for you . After all , you got one for me , so its only fair . What a funky little day . Realized that 4 laps around my block must be more than a mile , being that I ran four laps in fifteen minutes . So if I 'm right , that means that I 've been running a LOT more than just three miles . If I 'm wrong , well I dont think I possibly could be . I remember watching kids WALK the fucking mile and get 15 minutes for their time . And I was sweating balls . I leave for Butte , Montana , where the MEPS station is , tomorrow . Got to be at the recruiters ' at 1 : 00 . This whole waking up before sundown thing is really wearing me out , let me tell ya . Hung out with some people , my ex girlfriend Chris and some of her friends . Met a cool sophomore named Neil . We had good and gay fun in Target , some dollar store , and the mall . But all things must come to an end , and when this sophomore guy with the coolness joked about me becoming a Splinter Cell kind of guy , killing people for the government , I had to disagree . He meant well , of course , but he said , " Well , it won 't be YOU killing anyone , they 'll just get in the way of your bullet . " At that point , I did my run , avoiding the ice and slush as best as I could , but no one 's perfect , and dry pantlegs are for gay people . Upon coming inside , exasperated at the unknown distance around my neighborhizzy , all was tense among my family members . Groovy . As I downed a glass of water in the most ravenous of manners , as one can imagine , my parental units began to enquire as to when I go to MEPS , when I sign things , and when I leave . They received the bad news that they would get nothing to look over , that they could protect or shelter me in no way . I 'm kind of afraid that the E , pty Nest Syndrome will hit my dad a bit harder this time , and for more reasons than the fact that I 'll be living further than two blocks away . He asked what kind of training I 'd receive , which meant , he wanted to know what my decided MOS ( Military Occupational Specialty ) was . I couldn 't lie to him . So I told him that I was to become an Infantryman . So much approval there . He said that no matter what , he 'll be proud , and he wishes me the best . He hates the idea that I didn 't take his advice . That I 'm not learning Satellite Communications or Electrician first . That I 'm not joining the Navy or Air Force . You 've been in a similar situation before , many of them . You knew the apprehensive fear when you had a shitty report card , or a phone call home from a teacher ( or you know that the UPS truck that you nailed with a rock flung from your WristRocket slingshot carried a driver that knows your family , damned small towns ) . You 've been there , for the wait , walked your own long mile to the chair . You 've had the drymouth . It was always worse then . I don 't know what was so different now . Was it because they already knew that you have been planning on doing this for some time , and had slowly been taking each step to join ? Was it because you knew there was nothing they could do ? Or was it because you knew that it didn 't matter , because this is what you had to do anyway . Your overweight Siamese cat senses your calm amongst everyone else 's anxiety now , and jumps in your lap , wanting a taste of your apparent ability to maintain clear headed and tranquil . Your mind wanders as you listen to what they say . You 're told that you 've never been proficiently athletic , which you already know , and always have . You 're told that they have no doubt that you CAN be proficiently athletic , which you also already know , and are already working your ass off to prove that to yourself . They want to know WHAT drives you to be an infantryman ? Have you spoken to anyone who was an infantryman ? And you tell them no , not personally . You then realize that they won 't give up if you play clueless , so you tell them a little bit , praying to god that they might understand atleast a little bit . You tell them : " When you read the paper or turn on the TV , you hear about these guys that are my age that are deployed in some country they 've never been to . They work their asses off , doing a nearly thankless job , while a lot , not all , but a lot of people back in the States either don 't care , or even look down on them for what they have to do . And I think about the way people are afraid of being drafted , and the ways they used to avoid it . I realize that the politicians put soldiers in some really screwed up positions , but what can I do about that ? I could be another person who stays in their home and shakes their head , but I 'd rather raise my hand and offer to help . " I don 't see myself living the normal life , not yet anyway . College ? I 'm sorry , but something about it , it just doesn 't fit . Maybe some other day . A dead - end job ? No rhetoric necessary . I 've got things to prove to myself , I suppose . That , and there is an incredible sense of duty which I will probably babble about some other day , when I 'm really really drunk and can 't find a phone to fuck with people with . . . . . . with . Plus there 's this whole " My Calling " kind of thing . Just seems like the thing I 'm supposed to do . It always has . Another surreal moment for me today , as I was babbling on the phone to a friend ( most likely making as much sense as a peso [ cents ? peso ? please laugh ] ) , I paced around my basement living room , fiddle - fucking with all sorts of inanimate objects that most English speaking people would call " decorations " or some weird French word like that . It soon came to be that I had chosen to handle several pictures that were placed on top of the wood house thing that holds your TV and all your shit ( entertainment center ) . As I scanned these pictures of we , the offspring of my parents , all at young dumb and ugly ages much like we still are , one in particular caught my ' football shaped ' eye . The picture had me , the incredibly attractive narrator of this waste of cyberspace , standing alongside his good homedog and cousin , who hath been dubbed Brandon by his parental units . The two of us were no more than six years old , both playing with toy guns ( because our moms were so mean , they wouldn 't buy us Barbies ) . Brandon was wearing woodland camo pajamas and a helmet our uncle brought back from Desert Storm . I was wearing olive drab khakis ( olive drab = the color of the olives that have that evil orange shit in the middle , the greenish olives ) and an olive drab T - shirt , along with my helmet that the said uncle had retrieved from the said military operation . When one who is lucky enough to find this picture inspects my shirt a little closer , they will find , to their supreme amazement , A PARATROOPER on the shirt . I noticed this after I came home from the recruiter 's place of business . I 'd completely forgotten about that shirt , and that picture . Seeing it , well , it was a " trip " . Follow the white rabbit ? Should we ? What would BUDDHA do ? Yeah , that 's what I thought . Hold the pin , I want to save this one . I 'm tired , and right now , I don 't like you because you probably expect more mindless babble , and I 'm afraid your implied needs are superceded by my laziness . So I 'm going to crawl into my bed and lay there for the next 14 hours , and only an act of Congress will be able to force me to move . One of these days , I 'll add more to this whole " Why , Ryan , Why ? Say it aint so ! " subject . Again , likely with alcohol . Just no low crawling . Kind of a surreal moment for me , I walk into my bathroom , brushing my teeth , and there 's a spider chilling out in my toilet , along the inside of the bowl , above the water . I find this to be kind of odd , and I wonder to myself exactly why a spider would feel the uncontrollable urge to do so , why he would be beyond compelled to traverse my porcelain throne . I could come up with no logical answer . So I asked him . Not even Name , Rank , and Serial Number . What a rebel . So I considered flushing the toilet . I actually sat there and deliberated for probably a minute , watching that funky little arachnid just sit there . Like any good person who doesn 't want a welt on their ass the next time they grab a cold white chair , I hit the flusher . Once again , I stood in deliberation , trying to decide if killing a creature after it had worked that hard to live was morally wrong . I mean I was seriously stuck on this . So I decided that I 'd let him go and hope that he got enough common sense together to escape from the death trap of shit gobbling goodness . I 'd be lying if I said I wasn 't nervous or apprehensive . This is going to suck , I have no doubt in my mind . It 'll be very hard . Nothing familiar to touch base with . ( No women ? ! ) Right now I can only imagine . And honestly , I hope that each night I AM so worn out that I just rack out and sleep . Don 't want to lay awake missing everyone . I 'll have plenty of time to wish I was elsewhere when I 'm in the gas chamber with snot from my nose to my boot , trying my damnedest to give my name , rank , and serial number , or whatever it is they ask for while you gasp for CS filled air . Pushups , so many pushups . I 'm sure that after basic , when I can use a computer again , I 'll tell you ALL about these damn exercises . But for now , I can just worry . And wonder whether or not they 'll give me BCGs ( birth control glasses ) to correct my estigmatism . Sgt Clegg pointed out that I have football shaped eyes . Way to make a girl feel good , Sarge . I 'll post again before I leave , I 'm positive about that one . And after Basic , then maybe this will actually be interesting . Who knows . The purpose of this is to record my experience with the United States Army as an Airborne Infantryman . Please excuse my smartass humor , and also bear in mind that the opinions expressed , wonk wonk , are mine and only mine . I 'll make up a better disclaimer later , so I don 't get sued as badly . My dad seems to have accepted the fact that I 'm going . Which is a huge boost to something . Probably mood . I dont know . He wants me to bring everything home in writing , as he 's trying to ensure that I don 't get fucked over . But doesn 't everyone ? I 'm sure I will to a degree , but that 's the price you pay . It was also his idea to invite him over for dinner . I laughed at this one , and Barlow says I should , because its always fun to make recruiters sweat . And while I 'm on that subject , apparently I am no longer Sergeant First Class Clegg 's bitch , I am now SFC ( if I messd up the abbreviation , blow me . Same rank as the dude before ) Hanback 's bitch . Ok , sure , whatever works . Hanback bought food , so I suppose he deserves the commission or whatever for suckering me into this shit . = ) Final score for my ASVAB came in , and yes , I rocked it , so I get bonuses . Yay . Probably not tax free . So now all that remains to be done is lock my job in place and go to MEPS , where some guy will touch my scrotum . This sounds good so far . ( Oh , and I 'm not writing abbreviations out if I dont feel like it . Open another window with google , U can 't touch this . ) At the moment , I am sore as all hell from pushups , situps , and running . And I have more memorization of possibly usefull information to do . Might as well shoot for Private First Class . Mo ' money , mo ( fill in the blank ) . My god , I look good when I 'm on the floor covered in my own sweat , struggling for air , writhing around like Gollum . This is a good career choice for meeting women , I can already tell . I 'll look exactly like all the other recruits , so competition won 't be as fierce and . . . . . wait . Surrounded by only guys for . . . . 9 weeks . Hmm . K , scratch the romantic endeavors . If only Barlow would re - enlist . RAR ! Ok , I did tell Rachie that I 'd start up a xanga so that she could fascinate herself with my incredible and awesome life . So , in theory , I 'll do this . For how long , I dont know . Shut up . Rachael . Talked to another recruiter today , ate food at his expense , thank you , Sergeant , and listened to Jenny lecture me on how the Air Force was shat from God 's Holy Tukkas itself ( Tukkas being my guess as to how to spell took - iss , the assword substitute ) . And I take the ASVAB again tomorrow night . Funny story , those things are only good for two years . Now they 're going to find out just how MUCH i 've retardified over the past three years . Ok , here 's the next worthless goddamn post . Somebody better be happy . And yes , Rachael , I fixed the colors , so now , you are more than welcome to drink a nice tall glass of Shut The Fuck Up . = ) I rocked the ASVAB , go figure . Met a pretty cool guy who 's also enlisting . Provided that he can clean his piss enough to pass the test at MEPS . I have no worries in my case .
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I thought about doing a wrap - up of the year , and even of the decade - as this marks 10 years that I 've been back in DC , and actually , the longest I 've lived anywhere , ever . But reminiscing can make me melancholy . And the end of a year , a decade , can pull out the reflective and the sad , as you tiptoe through your accomplishments , failures , gains and losses . So I 'd rather share a little of today 's joy with you , and wish you some of your own . On Christmas eve , we went to our dear family friends ' house , as we do every year . They gave Jordan the Best Truck Ever . It goes forwards and backwards and the voice of a redneck guy even says " Woo hoo ! " and " Back ' er up ! " He loves it . He also loves Doggy - which he pronounces " daddy . " Doggy is from Ikea , where they have many many cute stuffed animals . Machine - washable , snuggly stuffed animals . Who knew ? So when Nick paired Doggy with Best Truck Ever , it was like crack . The best thing Jordan had ever seen ! He was then compelled to repeat it approximately 57 kabillion times . And when he stopped to go take a shower , there was much dismay . Temporary calamity in the Jordan world ! Until he realized that Mama could probably help with the Doggy Truck situation . My decade is ending gently , and I am thankful . In the last ten years I 've learned , I 've grown , I 've become stronger and kinder . Wishing you a very happy New Year 's Eve , and a wonderful start to 2011 . And also your very own version of the Doggy Best Truck Ever combo . Big hug , Lisa " We were married forty years ago . We were married three years , we got adivorce . Then I married Margerie . " " But first you lived with Barbara . " " Right , Barbara . But I didn 't marry Barbara . I married Margerie . " " Then he got a divorce . " " Right , then I married Kitty . " " Another divorce . " " Then a couple of years later at Eddie Collichio 's funeral , I ran into her . Iwas with some girl I don 't even remember . " " Roberta . " " Right , Roberta . But I couldn 't take my eyes off you . I remember I snuckover to her and I said . . . What did I say ? " " You said , ' What are you doing after ? ' " " Right . So I ditched Roberta , we go for a coffee , a month later we weremarried . " " Thirty five years today after our first marriage . " My friend Kay just sent me a message saying , " At first I saw this headline and was like wtf but then I read it and thought of you . " People send me messages like this with some regularity . I don 't know about you , but for me , the words , " I read it and thought of you , " typically mean it will be something about merkins . Or rabies . Honestly . So . Her following sentence contained this link to an article on vaginal steam baths . Which gave me pause . But then actually , once you read about them , they sound kind of good . It 's so cold right now , it might be nice . Kind of like squarching , but more relaxing . I wrote her back saying so . Now , one of my male colleagues and I will be up in NY for work the end of January , and we 'd been talking about it at lunch . Kay suggested that maybe I should make an appointment to get a vagina steam while I 'm up there . Just to check it out . The problem , however , is that we only have one free night , and we already have plans to get half - price tickets for a show . And I just cannot be all , " I 'll meet you at the theatre . I , uh , I have to go steam my vagina beforehand . " Also , I picture walking down the street , everyone all bundled up against the cold , and me with a stream of steam wafting out of my coat , like a crotch ghost or something . Which makes me realize that the odd part is the fact that I 'm surprised when people send me this stuff . It 's been a bit up and downy around here . And now , after a week of various illnesses we find ourselves at Christmas Eve . The stomach yuck got passed on to Betty , and Jordan got a 103 fever and little cold , but too fast to blame on the sister , and anyway , maybe he 's teething ? How do you know till you see teeth ? And so he hasn 't been his usual perkylicious self . Also , because he hasn 't been feeling well , he 's been waking up crying at 3 am the last several nights . Which is never the ideal time to be dredged up from the depths of your dreams , pulled to the chilly surface of awakeness and get - up - and - dealness . But you know , you love your kid , and you get up and deal . So last night I was the one who got up , and I realized the Motrin was downstairs . So I hurried down and back up . By the time I got to his room , he was no longer crying , but he was making noise , so I went in . And there he was , running back and forth the length of his crib in delight . He sleeps in a fleece sleep sack , which static electricity seems to love . And so every step was a crackle and a burst of sparkly light . It was like magic . I felt lucky to see it . There are so many negatives in the world , and quite honestly , I dwell on them more than I want to . There is so much ugliness and cruelty . But there 's also so much beauty and good . I think if there is magic in this world , it 's going to be brought out by little boys and girls , up to mischief in the middle of the night . And I quite love that idea . If you like this sort of thing , I hope some sparkly magic finds you this season . And if you celebrate it , Merry Christmas and hugs . If you don 't , hugs and a glorious weekend . Dear Jordan , You are now 16 months old , and somehow , it 's an immense change from 15 months . You 're the busiest little big man around . You 're not only walking ; you 're running ! And climbing . And exploring every little thing . You particularly love to climb into and out of this one particular box . You 've become a big thumb - sucker , and sometimes you sit very contentedly in the box , sucking your thumb . For like 12 seconds . And then you 're up and running . More than the motion , though , is that you seem to come up with a new word every day . Sometimes it takes us a week to figure out what they are - like humma . For a while you kept insisting on humma , humma , humma ! We finally figured out that this means oatmeal . Which you love . You also suddenly started saying " all gone ! " and " all done ! " and that makes things a lot easier . Except when you 're upset that something is all gone and you fling yourself on the floor and wail . You haven 't had a full - on tantrum , but your dad said he had them as a kid , and I could imagine you carrying on the tradition . Last night as we were getting you ready for bed , you asked for a bottle . And as you 'd just had one , I said it was all gone . And you put your hands on my chest and shoved , hard . It was very clearly an , " I don 't like that answer , lady ! " kind of shove . We made it very clear that shoving Mama is Not Nice . This is pretty rare , though . Mostly you 're a smiley , happy little kid . You laugh a lot , and you love making us laugh . You 've started walking backwards to amuse yourself and us . One day I 'm going to get a video of you breakdancing . You 're great company , if kind of limited topic - wise . Your conversations typically start with the announcement , " Light ! " or " Car ! " or " Tuck ! " Cars and trucks are magic in your world . The wonderful thing is that you 're always just as enthused about cars out front today as you were yesterday . There 's always this tone of , " Holy shit ! Would you look at that ! There are CARS outside ! Man , isn 't this awesome ? ! ! " It is , and so are you . I love you love you love you . Mama I 've always thought Christmas nutcrackers were super creepy . And that they look like they have lockjaw . Like the tetanus . But mostly creepy . But the good thing about the tetanus , in case you were wondering , is that it 's not necessarily fatal . Unlike the rabies . Unless , of course , you live in the third world and you 're born with it , in which case you 'll most likely die . However , if you live here and have access to good medical care , they 'll cut away the damaged tissue and then pump you full of antibiotics and - get this : 3 , 500 - 4 , 000 calories per day , with a ton of protein . This is because all the spasming you 're doing burns a ton of calories . It is one of my big paranoias . I think about it whenever I wear flip flops in DC . Also whenever I pick up random pieces of metal from the road , which I seem to be prone to doing . If they look cool and I think I can use them in an art thing . It doesn 't make sense with the tetanus fear , because I then spend the rest of the day Googling and fretting . But now that I know that it 's not fatal , I feel a whole lot better . Those nutcracker dolls , though . I bet they steal your breath while you 're sleeping . It is ass - chilling cold here right now . Seriously . I walk to work , and by the time I arrive , I can 't feel my face or my butt . I was going to say it 's like having tetanus , but I think the thing with tetanus is not that you can 't feel , but that your muscles all lock up . So maybe it just seems like I have tetanus when I say hello . Except that I can walk , and am not just all clenched - limbed with a grimace frozen on my face . In which case I wouldn 't be at work anyway . Sometimes I make myself tired . Because this is nowhere near my point . My point is that it is cold , and I like to shower at night . And after taking a deliciously hot shower and then putting on my toasty slippers , I 'm all warm and ready for sleep . Until I mince down the long cold hallway and into bed . By which point my feet are little iceboxes . I don 't know how it happens so fast , but it does . I can 't fall asleep with cold feet . Which naturally means I cuddle up to Nick and stick them on his legs . So last night I got in bed all freezyfreezing and scooted over to his side and curled up so the bottoms of my feet could sit on top of his thighs . He flinched and maybe muttered a little profanity . What always amazes me is how shocked he is by how cold my feet are . It 's like that movie Memento - a new surprise every day . So I said , " You know , if you really loved me , you 'd let me put them under your ball sack . That 's the warmest place on your body , you know . " To which he replied , " Well , is your face cold ? " You see ? A couple weeks ago , Nick went to Cumberland , Maryland . Apparently it 's a very charming old town with a train station . He brought back a bright yellow plastic train car for Jordan and a wooden whistle that sounds like the toot of a train . Jordan doesn 't understand the train thing yet , but he really likes it . He calls it a car . And he loooves cars . So it went over very well . The whistle ? Much more confusing . No wheels . What to DO with this wooden box sort of thing with holes ? So this weekend , Nick decided to teach him how to make it work . He figured Jordan already knows how to blow air , since he loves to blow on his food when it 's hot . Nick blew the whistle a couple times . Then he handed it to Jordan , who just looked at it , and looked back at Nick . Nick said , " Blow in it ! " He pursed his lips and blew air through them in an exaggerated fashion , just like we do at meals . Jordan held the whistle very cautiously up in front of his lips and said , " Hot ! " We are having our office holiday lunch on Friday . In less frugal times , the organization hosted an evening party - a holiday cocktails and dinner affair , to which you could bring your significant other . They were food - filled , boozy affairs . The last one was 2007 . I 'd invited Nick last minute , mainly because we 'd just gotten serious - hell , we 'd practically just met . And also because , well , you just never know what people will say . And colleagues are not like family . You can 't tell them to behave . Although now that I write that , I realize it 's so pot - kettle of me . Nick , to my great relief , was unable to come . He was out of town for work . And it was so lucky for me that cell phone reception in that hotel was abysmal . The evening was a fun one . There were cocktails before dinner , and plenty of wine poured at the tables . And then a number of us migrated up to the bar afterward . Chuck was still alive then . I think it was he who started the passing around of the HR Director title . We each took a turn saying , " I 'm director of HR . And here 's who I 'm going to fire . " And that was seriously the least of it . But earlier in the evening , much earlier , when not even that much wine had been consumed , I wound up chatting with the relatively - new president of our organization and his wife . They were making the rounds . We mad polite conversation about the holidays , family , and such . His wife asked how I liked working at our organization . I said , " It 's the most bizarre place I 've ever worked . It 's like being on another planet . " I turned to her husband and asked , " Don 't you think ? " To which he replied , " Oh , look ! People are heading in the other room . We should go mingle . " And that was that . The other day Nick said he was going out back to . . . well , I 'm not exactly sure what he was doing . Something with the tap . Except that he called it a spigot . Which he pronounced " spicket " - thus focusing my entire attention on his vocabulary and not on the content of the sentence . In any case , he was doing something with the outside water source . The one with the handle you can twist . The one to which you can hook up a hose . Coincidentally , during this conversation , I was standing at the kitchen sink , and had just turned on the faucet . He got kind of annoyed when I interrupted his course by asking him to repeat the word he 'd just used a number of times . And then to get him to explain , impatiently , that faucets are inside . Spickets are outside . This , he claims , is how it is . According to everybody . Except me . I call it a tap . Or maybe a faucet , although if I were asked to make a distinction , I 'd say faucet would be inside and tap would be outside . But I think they 're pretty interchangeable . I don 't know that I 've ever used the word spigot . And certainly not spicket . I 'm not opposed to the word . It just never occurs to me . I think this must be regional . Which , quite honestly , is my answer to almost everything . " Oh , it 's probably regional . " Except when the answer is " Asberger 's . " Which is , of course , my favorite diagnosis . Regional Asberger 's would be a whole nother ball of wax . Whatever that means . Christ . This is turning into one of those posts that make Nick email me and be all , " What the hell were you talking about ? " So : Spigot . Faucet . Tap . Do you make a distinction between inside and outside , and if so , which word for what ? Is this regional ? This is Jordan and his little friend David all dressed up and ready for the park . J is wearing one of the very few pairs of shoes I could find into which I was able to stuff his little loaves of feet . His feet are about as thick top to bottom as they are side to side . I 've never seen anything like it . Anyway . Note the use of their respective mother 's mittens and gloves . Neither of them seemed to mind . They 're about the same age , and they have such a good time together . They squeal when they see each other . They chase each other around . J 's a little bigger and definitely pushier . David is pretty laid back , although not always . Sometimes or quite often , J will walk up and take what he wants out of David 's hands ; thus inciting his little friend to bat him on the head . More likely , however , is that D picks up his chosen toy and scurries off to put it in a safe place . Although when you can 't reach more than two feet off the ground , no place is really safe from your competition , it turns out . Jordan , however , has recently learned to say the word " share " - pronounced as " shah . " I was so delighted when he started using it . Share ! He gets the concept of sharing ! Ahem . Shahing in his world goes one direction only . He 'll walk over to you , point to the toy / cookie / sharp object you 're holding , and say , " shah ! " Although I suppose this is more polite than " miiiine ! " - don 't you think ? I 've been thinking about where you carry those you 've loved and lost . It might be in your heart , or your mind . It 's somewhere in your corporal being , of that I 'm certain . When I was eight or nine , we visited Maude 's family in Tunisia . And I stepped on a piece of green glass . More notable from the trip were the following events : their maid took Maude and me into the bathroom and lit a cigarette and tried to teach us to smoke . And across the street archeologists had uncovered all these amazing Roman mosaics . The dig was enormous . But the glass . It was small , and got stuck in my right heel like a splinter , and worked its way under the skin . You could see it , but you couldn 't get to it . So I limped around for a while . Eventually , it stopped hurting . There 's no scar , no evidence that it was ever there . But it is . And I think this happens with the important people in our lives . We 're left with more than scars . Someone like a parent , well , they 're everywhere in your cells . I think , even gone , they permeate your entire being . You don 't have a piece of them . You have all of them . If that makes any sense . I find this comforting and overwhelming , depending on the moment . As for others , ex - friends and ex - lovers , I wonder if we don 't carry them as splinters , as shards ? Relationships end , and we cleanse . Through tears , through actions . We delete phone numbers , emails , pictures . We get rid of reminders . Slowly , slowly , we heal . But healing isn 't erasure . Each relationship changes us , and some bit , however large or small , remains . I think our minds , hearts , and souls wrap the jagged fragment in protective tissue , tucking it away and tumbling it until it 's smooth and opaque as wave - worn glass . And with time and familiarity - because eventually , doesn 't everything become familiar ? - the piece is such a part of us , it seems like it 's gone . But I don 't believe it is . I believe we walk around decorated with invisible splinters and shards . OK , so , I know this picture is not ideal for a number of reasons - one being that it looks like I have a tumor growing out the top of my head but really it 's my sun lamp that shockingly blends with my hair . But it 's a good representation of my new hair . And I quite like it , but I also want to make sure that I don 't now have a Bieber ' do . Do I ? The growing out is hard , and I think she did a nice job with the color and toning it down . And she left as much length as possible , yay ! , but I didn 't then know what to do with it . So she suggested the best thing would be just kind of shove it forward . Which I am now doing . As you can see . So the Bieber question is the most pressing . And if it is Bieberish , then WHAT else can I do to it , with this current not - short - not - long - yucky - inbetween state that I 'll be in for quite some time ? But also . Do you know how hard it is to take picture of yourself ? I mean , a remotely normalish looking one ? I took approximately 372 furtive pictures of myself just to get one that didn 't look completely horrendous . I might be overly sensitive about this because I remember looking at so many Match profiles and wondering , " Why did that guy have to take his own picture ? Doesn 't he have any friends ? " Seriously . I don 't think women tend to take their own pictures . Do they ? So many men on Match had those arms - outstretched , smiling awkwardly for a camera with nobody behind it , and hey , look , you can see what their kitchen cupboards look like ! kinds of pictures . They need that device those Japanese tourists that we followed around in Turkey were using . Maybe we all do . Improvement on the crayon / profanity front : We stopped at a Bob Evans rather than Friendly 's and while Jordan did do some crayon chewing , he also took a couple stabs at the paper . Plus , once he 'd bitten off a couple little blue chunks , he realized he didn 't really want to swallow them . I let him drop them in my hand . I know better than to go foraging around his little mouth and then shame us with profanity . Also : I know it 's not such a good picture . I took it with my iPhone . More also : I got an iPhone . I 'm pretty sure I haven 't become an iHole though . What I want for Christmas : A closet . Seriously . Those Victorians , they built charming houses , but their need for closets was slim to none . My need for closets is sizeable to enormous . So . I want to buy a closet from Ikea . Nick wants to wait until we can find a nice antique wardrobe ( I grew up calling them almirahs - I don 't know what you call them ) at a consignment store that we can cherish and keep forever . I don 't want a nice wardrobe . I 'm not looking for an heirloom . It will take up more room than I want to allocate . And once we build closets - in probably three years - then where will we cherish it ? I want a ding - dang closet , like , right now . Also : Trying to reduce use of unnecessary profanity . ( Note successful use of ding - dang above . ) The hair . Always the hair : Let me tell you . Pixie cuts and platinum are a bitch to grow out . Not pretty . I 've been hating my hair for some time now . These are the roots . The front view , I am not posting . I 'm seeing my stylist this evening . Hopefully she can work magic . Also : Um , I have no also on this one . I just put this in for symmetry .
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